#and ive got exams in 2 weeks
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Hi I'm alive and well (⌐■_■)
#strays au#strays!au#undertale#undertale au#undertale oc#larissa cadfael#flowey#stray!flowey#digital art#digital illustration#my art#stoukaart#school has been kicking my ass#and ive got exams in 2 weeks
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mnemonic (slight flash warning)
#clemart#ttcc#toontown corporate clash#mac opsys#first exam week is almost done free me.... i got a majority of my assignments finished before friday so i figured id spend some time drawin#because i havent dont an actual piece in 2+ weeks and im getitng withdrawls#drawing addicts be like: just one more drawing#ive been listening to intervals lately so i figured id draw something using the colors of one of the visualizers#heh its funny bc im going over intervals (math) in my calc class
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I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI.
#not dislike. its hate#it made me cry several times today#thinking of how my classmates manipulate our teachers#and chatgpt AIs can EVERYTHING#its so painful to think of it#today I broke down in the bus and cried#idc what people think. hiding my feelings any longer would destroy me from the inside#maybe youve also seen how people use freakin AIs in their exams#the thing is that:#we wrote an exam for which Ive studies for like 2 whole days#this week we finally got the exams back (w the grades ofc)#and ok Ive got a 3 (C in America syste#*m)#my friends who used chatgpt throughout the exam got way better grades (I didnt expect it otherwise)#PLUS#the most provocating messages from the teacher:#“10/10 POINTS :)” “YOURE ROCKING THIS” “YEAH”#💔#seriously#this breaks my heart#dont the teacher see something suspect in the exam?!#why cant they open their eyes and get modernized to reality.#& they KNOW- the students Im talking of. they usally have bad results.#once our teacher came to a chatgpt student and said the most miserable thing:#“youve been using duolingo a lot lately hm? thats where your nice grades come from 😉🥰”#you get it?#no- this peoson didnt learn.#no- this person isnt even interested in the stuff we learn in lessons#AWFUL feeling to hear the praisings of da teachers when *I* gotta sit among the gpt-students and look like Im a worse student than *them*#[writing this at almost 1 at night] still have some tears. this topic really has the power to destroy someones day. 💔💔
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done with classes for the semester 👍
#ive been finishing my lab reports and research assignments lately#got a good 2/3 weeks to relax then the dreaded exams in january...#and more report writing#next legacy post is dialogue but the last#thing i wanna do is write or think 😴#how is everyone doing?#gameplay update#rambles
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forced myself to wake up and leave my warm cozy blanky at 3:30 am in the winter to speedrun my syllabus because they gave us 12 hours to prep for our endsem are yall proud of me
#not to mention ive baaaaarely gotten sleep the past few nights because its been back 2 back exams every day#forget afternoon naps i havent even been getting more than 4 hours at NIGHT#and i am a bitch that values sleep above all else#and i got no time to prep the syllabus beforehand because of all our never ending fucking assignments#including yk. the full fledged GAME they made us code from scratch in 3 weeks without teaching us anyyy of the required tools or languages#literally speedran an entire math course with everything from number theory and graph theory to fucking induction and combinatorics#in like. 4 hours and gave my endsem NOT EVEN 12 HOURS BACK AND IT WAS 50% OF OUR FUCKING GRADE#and now i have to do it againnn for the third exam in a row at 9:30 in the fucking morning#which btw i realized LAST NIGHT. because our datesheet said the exam was at 2:30 but theyre doing it in batches#so i dont even have the morning to revise and need to pull this shit#AND THEN EVEN FOR THE COURSES WHERE I SOMEHOW COVER THE ENTIRE SYLLABUS THOROUGHLY THEY WILL GIVE THE MOST OUT OF POCKET BULLSHIT#THAT YOUVE NEVER HEARD OF IN YOUR LIFE#and after THIS exam i have to speedrun linear algebra and teach it to a bunch of kids by tomorrow morning#granted that one is on me because i couldve said no but ugh#college hateposting#in other news my ex crush wore a suit yesterday and she looked so hot she almost made me relapse into lesbianism#but i digresssssss#x am rambles#man ive missed ranting about shit on tumblr i should come back here more often
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...
#oh lads. lads. lads. lads. im being sucked back into the world of academia#i dont even kno what happened. a week ago i was crying bc i was like: this is impossible. i simply cannot do this.#and then i went into the lab sunday and miraculously i was able to easily read some papers. like i dont kno how to discribe how baffling it#was. like reading papers is like pulling teeth and this was somehow easy. i think maybe it was bc i let myself get distracted and wander#thru it. and then after that i got so much done this week and i was tired but having fun. and like the thing is: i fucking love evolution#it's like puzzling out the code for life in both a metaphical and literal sense. its fucking incredible. and my project is also very#interesting. if a bit intimidating in its scope. ya kno. just in the way photosynthesis is generally intimidating#but i think i have a strain thats lost chlf which is really interesting and my advisor said we might have the money to try some crispr for#my cyano children. hypothetically. maybe. and i get to do some poking around in genomes. theres so so much to love there#how could i possibly want to do anything else? and yet. and yet. here at the end of the week im so wrung out and i kno i just have to start#again on sunday and i kno im gonna have to step it up in terms of reading if i want to make it through a committee meeting and proposal#defense. not to even mention a comprehensive exam. and what do i get at the end of all this? a lifetime of academia draining my life away.#bc what i do is so academic. so whats the point? its just so frustrating.#and on top of that ive got all this data from my old lab that i kno i have to work on. and i will. i will. but with what time?#anyway the point is. i can see a path forward now where i stay here and decide the pain will be worth it despite not knowing where im going#after that. im just so tried#but right now it feels like im gonna stay until someone kicks me out#but that doesnt exactly make me feel happy. ugh. but if i stay i want to get my old pi to come here and give a seminar. ill warn her how#intimidating the department is tho. we've had 2 talks in the last 2 weeks that were... not good. particularly the one this week#like she couldnt answer a single question they thru at her and didnt seem to kno her data sets. it was hard to watch. anyway. i just want#to see my academic mother again. send me back to the desert! let me rot in a field full of sage#but send me back to the hills of an older mountain range. where i can climb sandstone cliffs and lay in carpets of moss. except i wouldnt do#that bc of all the ticks and threat of lyme disease...#anyway. im still tired. still sad. and there doesnt seem to b a way out#unrelated
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MOTHERFUCKERS I AM GOING TO SURVIVE THE WEEK FROM HELL 🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥
#officially past the half way point in exams#got rejected from the job i interviewed for on Tuesday which is a pain because ive wasted so much revision time on job applications#hmmmm#but i have my 5th exam of the week tomorrow and thank fod#its the easiest of the lot because im so tired#then 3 days to prepare for an exam on Tuesday which could be a bit of a disaster tbh but that's what these three days are for#and then nearly 2 weeks until the nightmare exam from hell which i hate but have time to sort out hopefully#oh my god i can't wait for this to be over#im at that point in a Mentor Pilot video where he goes 'and now things are going to start happening really quickly'#(about the critical moment in a plane crash where things often go wrong/ get out of control very quickly)#but the plane is still in the air i still getting it done#not fantastically but its getting done all the same#rambles
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IM SO COOOOOKED
#midterm tomorrow morning its got 6 weeks worth of content its 1:30am rn and I'm on like slide 2 of week 1#i CANT LOCK IN i keep going on my phone#tell me why i was on pinterest looking at room inspo when ive got not funds to change how my room looks like Please this isnt the time#maybe posting this will force me to work#i also have to present right after the midterm and i did manage to practice for that so i havent been Completely useless#but this exam is gonna be kinda hard too like i Need to study i cant bs it
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one of the very few times in my life where im eagerly awaiting a phone call because im waiting for the "you can come pick up your glasses" phone call
#I went last week to get my eyes checked because I finally got health insurance#and my benefits include the eye exam every second year#I havent gotten my eyes checked since. 2020 pre-pandemic#and my vision has been steadily getting worse so I figured ok this is it im finally gonna get glasses#which ive always been fine with and tbh always looked forward to so I could pick out good frames!#so yeah I went got my eyes checked and they put a very minimal prescription on#and they were about to tell me they usually dont even GIVE that prescription since its so low#but I proceeded to go 'OH MY GOD I CAN SEE I CAN READ THAT SCREEN NOW'#and she laughed and went 'you know what im gonna give you the prescription sometimes its the little things'#they told me it'd be 2 - 3 weeks till I could get my glasses#and it hasn't even been a full week (I went Saturday)#but still. I eagerly await#I reallyyyyyyyy love the frames I picked out
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sleepy and v fed up w this blasted reading for japanese history class tomorrow. give me 45 minutes to finish this article and i will be back to talk about kissing or something
#for the blissfully uninitiated: hello i am history student#which is a fantastic thing to be but also a significant pain in the [REDACTED] when it wants to be#the professor for this class is almost unbearably terrible which does not exactly make me WANT to do this reading#but the exam is in like 2 weeks lol#so yk. i have the hardest life of anyone on earth etc etc#god forbid i actually do the degree i asked to do lmao#also i up early this morning to drag myself to the immigration bureau for a visa amendment#which meant a decidedly unpleasant hour on the metro during rush hour :(#its bc im applying for this english TA position in spring#its literally only for 5 days and tbh i wouldn't mind doing it for free bc i am sad like that and enjoy teaching for fun#but it IS paid - and paid work is Not Allowed under my student visa#so even though i literally have not even GOT the job (applications close today) i still had to go and apply for permission to work#watch as they dont hire me lol#oh i should mention - for those who may not know i am in tokyo this year#i am british and i usually go to uni in the uk but im on a study abroad year this year#i came to japan in sept of 2023 so ive been here for coming up on 5 months and i will be going back home in august on 2024#its weird to think that im approaching the halfway point#tbh i should really just make this a separate post but whatever#coming to japan has been very strange but a good thing i think
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the process of applying for a job with the city takes an insane amount of time that i'm confused as to how they expect people to be able to wait? like its so annoying
#apply in early may. take a exam early june#get the result 2 weeks later (a week late) be told theyre still finalizing dates for the next step#actually it was 3 weeks later that i got my result the 2 weeks was the “at most” estimate we were given#half a week has passed with no updates#i supposedly have an interview lined up for next week but the application was through an “ai chatbot” so idk#hate that theyre using this now like ive had to do several applications thru these chatbots
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Pmdd is actively fucking ruining my life fuck fuck this shittt
Why do I have to live with the consequences of things I do when I'm like this and why do i only get one good week a month if I'm lucky
#ive messed up really bad bc now my teacher just thinks im making excuses when i want to explain everything and why its not so easy for me#well i didnt say anything but i said i will send her an email and i left in a hurry so now shes worried abojt what it is im going to say#its related to when i was posting about how i tried to be truthful about the situation but again it was only half#and i dont have an official diagnosis i havent beem abck for a checkup yet fuck this#i left in a hurry and now im in bed i didnt mean to but my default is reaction is flight and i had to get out#this whole day i thought i was going to die the anxiety got so bad i almost cried at lunch arghhhh#tldr i deleted a bunch of work when i got too overwhelmed and just wanted to see it again and now deadline is wednesday#i dont have time for this my exams start in 2 weeks#and i got my period this morning#i need to kill someone why do people not understand the difference between an excuse and an explanation when im literally trying my best to#be honest here#AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA#pmdd posting#lasar being incoherent
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Getting absolutely nasty to Mumford & Sons in the club
#wilder mind was actually a great album#no stomp and holler here just some shitty rock with good beats#You can be every little thing you want nobody to know and you can try to drown out the street below and you can call ? if you waaaaaannttttt#also the club = my living room#got a lil drunk so reading fanfic and hanging out with my cat#as you do#nothing tragic happened at work today#personally at least. for some people it was ofc#but for me it was a decent day#not looking forward to this week. MASSIVE toxicology exam and euthanasia simulations#not that I haven’t been in for euths before.. so the simulation part feels kind of pointless#but it’ll be good to get feedback as the doctor performing it#instead of just going in to place the iv and get consent forms#I’ve pushed the drugs before too but never with a client there#can’t believe I’m 2 years and 2 months from my doctorate. wtf#why is this going so fast
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I'm picking up a hognose snake hatchling next weekend and I don't know how I'm going to make it through this week normally and functionally knowing that I am that close to new baby snake time.
I've been told he's a perfect eater and a perfectly healthy fussy little man. I love him so much already.
#ive got work and school and tank building to do (im rebuilding my other snakes tanks too) and maybe a fourth?????#i think im going to have space for a pair of dart frogs... thats more expensive to build tho so maybe not until later this year.#but even with all that going on i cant focus on anything but the few pictures i have of him and baby name sites.#i have 3 exams this week. 2 on tuesday and one tomorrow and no i havent studied for any of them but who cares theres a hoggie on the way#this past august has been hellish. i lost a pet suddenly. i had a HORRIBLE experience at a con. and im about to lose a relative.#and two of my professors has made themselves known as proud ableists that ive already had to more or less fight to get my accommodations-#respected. but i feel more okay now. baby snake = hope.
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another evening another instance of me helping other people instead of doing stuff i have to do for tomorrow hhhh
#i have an exam and a test#but my roommate broke down crying became she can't do anything for her test that she has tomorrow#reasonable me wanted to say that she literally spent this week watching movies and tiktoks ans lying in bed so that's why#but the part of me who thinks of her as my best friend despite everything got up and sat with her to revise that shit#didn't get a thank you. didn't do anything for my exam. but at least i have a clear conscience i guess#because* not became goddammit autocorrect#anyway i can already feel the anxiety attack i am going to go through tomorrow during the exam mmmmm#that always happens when i can't do something on a test#gotta love university#she was crying because 1. her test tomorrow and 2. she didn't start any of the 3 projects that are due this week#and now im. battling with thoughts what to do about that#do i send her my finished projects for her to just change numbers and submit it#do i sit down with her and do it#or do i do nothing#sigh problems on top of problems#I don't want to be that person now who says that IVE BEEN SAYING that she needs to do the projects earlier instead of going who knows where#because with her current state it's only gonna get worse#but mannnn#she really should've at least start these instead of chilling these last 3 months
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also i’m back from my trip i was learning about geography in death valley ^_^
#it was great i learned a lot and i got to spend so much good time with my friendsssss#back to the grind though. i have 2 major exams this week and ive been awol for 5 days. ouch#my life
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