#and its ok for them to overlap
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i keep looking at beta lactam recently as im writing this thing set after it and i feel like every time i do i notice some new weird result of not having it all together mentally when i wrote it. i just noticed in the description i wrote that dew has "whatever illness the roadies are passing around" which is..... not true. the discussion of illness at the beginning was just to thematically set up for the plot (this in itself is weird but i already was aware of it). why would i write the description from that perspective? as if that one phrase references a specific & transient moment from the fic. ughhhhh
#when im thinking this way i have trouble understanding what is ātrueā#and it feels like everything is at least a little bit true#and its ok for them to overlap#which is how i could be dead and rotting but also eat and breathe#or maybe its just a mistake and i shouldnt think too much about it
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ā¼ seb & clora x elden ring ā¼
SUPER self-indulgent thing i had to draw once i got the idea, bc i love FromSoftware and all their games (...& also bc i will never get tired of drawing clora like an ethereal lightbulb LOL š) ā extra doodles and a lot of yapping belowā ā (& elden ring DLC final boss spoilers)
their boss mechanics bc im a nerd LMAOš„°
if you target clora and kill her before seb, seb will be inflicted with madness/frenzy, and his stats will be raised for the remainder of the fight
with clora dead, seb will stop using holy/slash damage, and will instead use occult, madness/frenzied flame, and his own blood to inflict bleed damage
killing clora first makes the fight wayy harder, but also reaps much better rewards/a unique item (like the ornstein and smough boss fight in DS1)
if you kill seb first and don't finish off clora quickly enough, she'll just keep reviving him over and over (like the twin princes fight in DS3)
when you get seb down to like 10% health, he'll stop going on the offensive and will instead do everything he can to protect clora (while being visibly beaten up & limpingškinda like sif in DS1)
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this is the boss i re-skinned them as (promised consort radahn) bc i love this design...and even the lore makes sense bc the big guy (radahn) was brought back to life to serve miquella and fight for him (kinda like my seb and his horcruxš) i also considered giving clora a halo similar to miquella's (but in the design of her hairclip) except i scrapped that bc i thought it looked weird LOL. i still like the idea tho so...just pretend its there LMAOšāāļøš ok im done š£ļø
#boy howdy i sure yapped a lot#shoutout to the (1)š«µperson following me who has played elden ring/fromsoftware games...RISE UP GAMERšš#ik theres defs not much overlap between HL and elden ring gamers but like i said...THIS WAS VERY SELF INDULGENT!!#but i rly recommend them!! (just maybe not if HL was your first and only video game thoš¤but who knows...trial by fire???)#imo the games really arent as hard as the 'git gud' bros make them out to be#dark souls 1 is still my fav and its pretty slow paced and just such a serene and beautiful and melancholic game...the atmosphere is š¤š¤#ok my fromsoft fanboying is over#this was just for fun/practice but i rly love how it turned out...it kinda unintentionally turned out looking like a tarot card??#also i love using teal and orange this colour palette just scritches my brain in the right way.... same with neon green and hot pink#hogwarts legacy#sebastian sallow#hogwarts legacy sebastian#sebastian sallow x mc#sebastian sallow x oc#clora clemons#sebastian x mc#choccyart
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WAIT SHUROS DAD SAID HE WANTED HIM TO BRING SOMETHING BACK INTERESTING.... AND WHO IS MORE INTERESTING THAN LAIOS....
#he also cited lack of flexibility in thinking. so surely the solution is shuro realising u can like men..........#wait... wait imagine. this wasnt the point of the post but everyone imagine with me#fake dating au but not on purpose shuro Does bring back the fucking king of the risen golden kingdom#but his dad takes it as him bringing his significant other back and says he wins#and laios goes But thats not-#and shuro claps his hand over his mouth like Wait a minute.#and when he gets back everyone agrees its the dumbest thing he could have done#im torn between chilchuck laughing or screaming at him. and kabru straight up murdering him#i dont know if itll be a recreation of the laios proximity disgust meter#or he comes back to a party popper exploding in his face with the banner Congrats on your marriage!#maybe both#god it is so difficult to come up with a ship name for them#but i need to. even if im just populating the tag with my screaming#laishuro????? maybe????#they dont have a lot of overlapping letters...#ok laishuro is free and also this is the only post that comes up if u search it here. weve done it lads#laishuro#dungeon meshi#will that even show up in the tags anymore. im a fool
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cyno begged the boys to do this with him. no one did except kaveh (everyone thought it was cringe but he felt bad for cyno). the kavehno then bloomed š /lh
#my art#genshin impact#doodle#digital art#procreate#cyno#kaveh#cyveh#kavehno#i pasted the caption. im not typing the same thing again bro. its long af#ship hc confession i see them as alterous & not romantic but still do interactions w/ each other that may overlap w/ romantic-coded actions#same with how i hc my cytham *cough*#yea i know u guys dont get what i mean.. its okā¦#update: i forgot kavehās earring. im
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helloo š i made this blog to share my project sekai oc band, GAISUM. here are its members and their SEKAI's versions of MEIKO and Miku :)
they are a v-kei inspired hard rock/electronic band made up of four utaite.
L-R, Isshiki Kaneta "lop" (leader and PV artist), Tetsukamiya Chidori "Akatori" (lyricist and bassist), Kuroba Gin "CLOW" (guitarist), Hondou Suika "Sue" (pianist)
#pjsk#pjsk oc#proseka oc#project sekai oc#proseka#plaguing another fandom w my messy ass art lol#first image is weezer blue album#idk if theres a big pjsk oc community here but if i keep them in my head ill cry#they are very depressing lol. but they pretend they are just fine do u believe it#they have aesthetic overlap with half of the existing bands lol but its ok#kaneta#chidori#gin#suika#hatsune miku#meiko
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not to also be in tc denial but i cant see how this conversation won't include gorgug saying in some way that he joined the owlbears to spend time with fabian. what other reason would he have to be on the team for so long if not to hang out with him or something š
nno cause. youre so right like what reason do u have other than u wanna spend time with ur bff . like 'if i get to be with u then that's enough for me !!' . its ok anon if we hold hands when the episode drops then through the power of friendship and Believing this WILL get referenced in the ep. godspeed
#cause it's like. if u werent drawn to the sport What Drew You In#AND FOR SO LONG TOO like he;s been on the owlbears since fy#im gonna start my spiel in the tags#i feel crazy#like picture a conspiracy board with red string#but the string isnt actually connected to anything. ive tied them into bows.#and there's just red marker overlapping both the corkboard and the photos and it's just in the shape of a big heart#thats what im feelin like rn#idk whats goin on actually im just here for the ride#VERY EXCITED THOUGH#lou and zac pc interactions always eat#it drops at 7am for me so. haha#watch this scene end up being like. so unserious#its ok we can dramatize it thats what the imagination is for#asks#thistlecaster#guys i just fucking realized if gorgug leaves the owlbears#fabian will be alone. Again#hey guys what the fuck#LIKE TEAM-WISE. like im sure tbk would watch his games from the stands#but on the owlbears itll just be him. Man#fhjy
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does anyone else want to stick these two in the same room together or is that just me... i simply think they are adjacent in vibes... (+a bonus thing???)
get u a fictional guy that makes you feel like this... seeing these guys just evoke a Similar Kind of Brain Chemical and Response. Help Me.
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also have bonus yosuke doodle featuring the same brushes used here...! from january 23rd, lol.
#fe3h#sylvain jose gautier#persona 4#yosuke hanamura#crossover#lizzy does art#umm... hi.... (looks away) this is cringe but i am free. what is life if not to draw your favorite characters together on the same canvas#for the record i do not intend to conflate these two as the same character because they are NOT#'lizz. what on EARTH do you see in these guys.' you know. i wish i could answer that. (actually. i can.)#experiencing both of these characters sent me into an absolute spiral of denial when i realized that i enjoyed them#Words Hard but Basically i think its fascinating how both sylvain and yosuke have like this happier front that they project outwards that-#masks the struggles that they don't want others to see... and while both of them do cringe shit thats incredibly stupid#both of these characters have shown themselves to have like?? actual braincells? (re: yosuke at the start of p4 + sylvain support convos)#granted the kinds of themes and messages each of them is meant to convey varies bc of the setting and stories they are in#the sylvain + yosuke pipeline.... oh also i think the fandoms tend to rationalize both of their behavior towards women as like.#a closeted bi case. it's kinda strange to me why they overlap in certain ways hm hm...#but its just so funny to me that like. idk. they're both unbearable. they irritating for a reason /s#i should really draw these two more often (in like separate illusts) they are so fun i love their color schemes and designs it sparks joy#ok ok god i had a lot more to say about that than i thought oops. um. yeah. i learned how to draw for stuff like this. worth itTM
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i forgot grunt meant like henchman or whatever for a second i thought they were like yeah leonas bitch ass grunts and growls are partial proof to savanaclaw being an athletic leaning dorm lol
#well they also say that in the game not just the manga jkdlfhsdkl like in azuls union bday card#ace was like oh yeah ok you dont wanna be in savanaclaw cause theyre more athletic oriented right#and azul was like NO IM TALKING ABOUT THE SUN SHUT UP!!! jsdklfhsdklfj#anyway i was on the wiki cuz i was trying to remember what their dorm's trait thing is like according to the mirror but i DONT SEE IT.#i rememeber i get it confused with pomesiores . like i think one of theirs is tenacity . but idr which one LOL#the other is maybe endurance...????#that doesnt sound right. i feel like it was broader than that#WAIT I LIED IT DOES SAY IT AT THE TOP i just. missed that part. it IS tenacity lol#what the fuck was pomefiore then....#oh ya theirs according to the wiki is UNRELENTING EFFORTS which i think i did see sometimes written as like endurance or fortitude or smthn#anyway. savanaclaw and pomefiore's ~core value~ always felt similar to me. but also maybe i just dont know what words mean <3#not in a 'theyre too similar' way like i do think theyre different. i just think it's INCH RESTING when things r like#theyre similar. theres overlap. but theres enough distinction to put them apart#actually them being similar in some regards does feel reinforced by the rook hunt situation like he went from one to the other#and seems to be thriving regardless.... we're onto something here...#hmm what were the others.. i think heartslabyul was strictness...#ok the wiki says severity i think ive seen either eng or a translation that called it strictness lol but severity i feel like is maybe#better word choice.. just a lil... nuances nuances whatever anyway idr the others. actually wait no i know octavinelles is like#benevolence bc azul keeps mentioning it- the wiki says compassion. lol. idk if i just keep remembering close enough or like#remembering fan vs official tls. i think the wiki is doing its own direct tl and not engtwst but moving ON#scarabia is deliberation... ignihyde is diligence... diasomnia is elegance???#why is diasomnia the only one that didnt sound familiar At All LOL i dont REMEMBER THAT ONE#i remembered vaguely what scarabia was bc they make a point of mentioning it in like end of 4 or start of 5?#when they were like yeah we value foresight or w/e in scarabia so jamil hasnt been ousted right away. i like scarabia their#way of showing the different ways deliberation works with like jamil vs how it does in kaliim vs the npcs#like theyre all different ppl but still fit that criteria in their own unique ways.... hell yeah...#anyway yay i got ONE right on the nose [as the wiki has it listed anyway lol] thanks savanaclaw
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The Worst Crossover To Ever āCross Overā Pt.3
kill me i have no idea how to write the batfamily or the joker//
Sonic breathes in deeply, trying to regain his cool. Heās seen so much bullshit in only a few seconds, so it makes sense. It almost feels like someoneās writing him into this crap, because of how bad it is.. but anyway.
About twenty or so feet away, thereās the entrance to a warehouse. In front of it, two people stand; a clownish creep, with eerily green hair, slicked back, and his lips smothered with tarnished red lipstick..and Danny, in something resembling a hero suit of sorts, with his hair and eyes now white and green, respectively. Itās quite the spectacle. So much so that thereās a few bat- and bird- themed people just a few rooftops away..watching.
After a few seconds of watching Danny interact with the freakish clown man, Sonic decides to rush in, standing between Danny and the clown, concern leaving his eyes looking wide and more unusual than normal. The clown pays little mind to him, trying to talk with Danny, intrigue lighting up his thin, sharp features. āOho, another!ā the clown starts. āIāve never seen anything quite like you two before.ā Sonic stands defensively in front of Danny, arms stretched out to protect him. āYeah, and Iāve never seen a clown become the butt of their own joke, but here you are,ā Sonic retorts, with a scowl. Heās going full defensive. Behind him, however, Danny doesnāt seem nearly as bothered as one might expect.
A while earlier, Danny had just arrived, drawn in by the noise. Only to see a clown near the source of the sound and some bat furry guy and his supposed accomplices some buildings away, just watching? He was not pleased. Flying down to the clown, he discovered that the horrible shrieking was just the laugh of this nasty clown..or a ringmaster..? Less clown-like..reminds him of that weirdo from Circus Gothica. Danny shivers, immediately uncomfortable. āSo, who are you, and what are you doing?ā Danny starts, ready to interrogate. The ringmaster-clown-guy shrugs, with a cruel giggle; āOh, you know, a bit of this, a bit of that.ā Danny rolls his eyes, noticing his dodging of the question. The clown dude looks Danny up and down, in a way that makes him so much creepier. āAre you, mayhaps, one of them?ā Danny looks at where the clown is pointing- the bat furry and some other furries. āUh, no way, donāt know who that furry is, never seen him before today-ā Danny starts, before being rudely interrupted by the ringmaster-clownās horrible laughter. āHe isnāt quite a furry, but itās funny you see him as such! Heās Batman, kid. And you are?ā Danny looks at the clown guy, deciding that his non-hostility leaves him somewhat okay to respond to..especially if heās gonna start building his rep back up. āPhantom. You know, usually one should say their own name first during an introduction,ā Danny says, with a curious expression. āBut you didnāt. Who are you, then?ā The ringmaster grins wildly as he proclaims, āThe Clown Prince of Crime, the Joker, one and only!ā Dannyās face pales slightly; this guy is definitely not a good guy, with a name and title like that. Maybe I shouldnāt have indulged him, he thinks.
Danny takes a step back, feeling a lot less safe around this āJokerā guy. He hasnāt done anything wrong yet, but he certainly will try, wonāt he?
As Sonic arrives at the scene, Batman almost takes action. These people..where have they come from? He nor any of his colleagues habe met them, thatās for sure- heād know if they had. A boy called āPhantomā, clearly a meta, and some blue spiky meta. Unusual and sudden appearances could mean..something big. But it seems that the situation is dying down for now.. so he swoops away, bringing the rest of his team with him.
Sonic glares at the clown, not knowing what he may have done or not done to Danny. Danny steps up behind Sonic, whispering in his ear, āHeās some sort of prankster, I think? Calls himself āJokerā. He hasnāt done anything yet.ā Sonic lets out a breath he didnāt know he was holding. Whispering back, he murmurs, āLetās just go, for now. He gives me the heebie-jeebies.ā Danny nods, and Sonic promptly grabs Danny and runs away, with incredibly speed, the Joker looking at the two of them and waving as they escape the scene.
Now back at their makeshift home, Sonic asks, āWhy did you leave?ā He puts Danny down and looks up at him, a bit saddened. āI thought something bad couldāve happened, or you were afraid of meā¦ā He sighs. Danny looks at Sonic, eyes sympathetic and kind; āI woke up and was too worried to sleep. Sorry. I just..wanted to scope out the town. And, uh..I think we have some more things to talk about..ā He gestures to himself, and then to Sonic. āSome abilities and backstories we need to share.ā
#i forgot to mention but @redflagshipwriter is a big inspo for this with their red reassembly thing so thanks to them for being awesome#ok so this is awful and things are overlapping badly les go#cant write dcu stuff for shit#too hyperfixated on sonic#help im thinking waaay into the future#dp x dc#dc x dp#sonic x dp x dc#dc x sonic x dp#dp x dc x sonic#dp x sonic#sonic x dp#dc x sonic#sonic x dc#danny phantom#sonic#dcu#spoilers but im really interested in how i can fit more sonic cast in#i made joker a goofy goober whys he nonviolent so far#maybe its building up and im actually not trying to exit stage right#yeah my joker (yes i have a ver of him) is way less torturous and more silly..still crazy though#The Worst Crossover To Ever Cross Overā¢ļø
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sorry, i was being kinda cagey in that last ask but ig i'd prefer if ppl don't say my ocs look like other characters...! Im not usually a stickler abt this but like it is kinda annoying to hear when im trying my best to come up w my own stuff lol;;
#blab#ig specifically im like not thrilled to hear that re: ovw characters since its sth im like actively thinking abt and trying not to make-#overlap too much. not that the influence isnt there. i know i said the other day ācurious which ones u think are whatā or sth to another as#but i guess maybe i wasnt curious lmfao#imoooooo if i did have to relate them to ovw personality-wise i think spadille is kinda similar to junkrat#i dont think albert or cheque are like any of them personality-wise though.#maybe cheque and roadhog have snark energy in common but i think their snark styles are different (??)#and plus i think roadhog's kinda more softie/gap moe than cheque (theyre not gap moe#cheque's more of a brat than roadhog idk#and alberts just. whatever he is. losercore faileguy.#ok im done now idrc anymore
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day 10109203 of wishing bells hells had a deeply religious character in the party, especially one with a positive relationship to the religion/god.. like i know its not 100% perfect and healthy, because like.. thats god, but man .. especially since all bells hells hear is that the gods are cold and distant and uncaring. but like with tmn we saw cad and fjord be gently held by the wildmother when they needed her (not literally, but that was the imagery.. warm breezes and earth and being held and a soft mother voice) .. and then cad talked a lot about how the wildmother is everything around them. she's the sea for fjord and the forest for cad and all the plants and dirt and fungi. thats so cool and i love the idea of this huge god, who entirely is nature, holding her children (her clay T_T) in her hands. like , i wish bells hells had that point of view, because obviously they know what ludinus is doing is massively dangerous and has hurt people, but they dont have the same connection there, like Knowing that some of these gods cant really be disconnected from exandria
(also theres the absolute shenanigans of jester sort of, creating a god out of artagan, which would be vry interesting. .i wanna see whats going on there tbh)
(but also!! i do think fcg's desperation ?? in finding a purpose via a god when he was made to oppose them is interesting. and also frida's aeor mentality of the gods being totally pointless too. interesting perspectives but , to me its missing something)
#kiddo say#sorry this is a ramble and sorry i talk about cr2 characters sm in regards to cr3. its cr's fault for getting them involved /hj#like now i want to know whats going on.. . .....#thats kinda. a problem with overlapping campaigns i guess ..#i just want the drama of a character who's entire life is existing for god to have to face the possibility of god being eaten ok#for fun and sillies :P
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oughghgh
#post therapy tummy ow#today i surprised my therapist with a detail i didnt know i hadn't told her yet š„“#and i said it so casually and i saw her eyebrows raise REALLY hard and thats when i realized and i was just like ok put a pin in it#i realized recently that like. these traumas i experienced jumble in my head so much bc they DO overlap#and its so fucked up realizing how many people have seen me in vulnerable states and gone āah! i want in on thatā#not as in ālemme helpā tho but as in ālemme use you tooā#like what the FUCKKKKKK#its not even specific to 2016 [where we're focusing on the chaos now] but even BEFORE THAT IM REALIZING#honestly if a chunk of u even knew a fraction of the trauma i experienced i think u would seriously not like me/find me as sexy as yall do#but anyway yea#my tummy hurts and i have to go to work /:#and all i want to do is keep vomiting about the traumas ive experienced bc i got really into some details there at the end /:#all ima say tho is: i deserve to have my life fully funded so i can have a fucking break bc what the actual Fuck#like yeah i couldve made some better decisions but the number of times i got hurt bc i trusted someone and told them things THEY ASKED TO#HEAR ABOUT/HOLD SPACE FOR and then they engaged in the same fucking behaviors or used that pain to then lie to me in ways that i would ofc#believe. . . . . .. . . . . . . disgusting its no wonder I dont feel safe fucking making friends anymore#like even thinking just about like the things i told certain ppl to the harm i experienced by them /:#and thinking of how all that ofc led to someone like my ex being able to take advantage of me#g-d i want to punch all these people
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speaking of common threads btwn favorite characters i keep thinking about the alluka/nanika and falin similarities mostly the being treated as dangerous and wrong as a young child and isolated yet still being so so kind and healingā¦.and especially the kindness and acceptance of the parts of them that people treat as dangerous or evilā¦in terms of older brothers of course laiosās reaction to falinās chimeraness and aptitude for magic is very different from killuaās initial mistrust/misunderstanding of nanika but. im so thinking about it
#twewy spoilers#hxh spoilers#dungeon meshi spoilers#the allukananika alphonse rhyme falin etc archetype of little sisters that are so so niceys and have some kind of supernatural or monster-y#side. like its crazy how much overlap there is in their respective older brothers too like. guilt complex for having turned little sister#into Creature. guilt about not being a responsible older brother.#and this applies to fewer of the ones i mentioned but feeling responsible for younger sisterās death#and guilty about what they had to do to bring them back#iām saying little sister even though i included rhyme who i hc as she/they nonbinary but little sister is not necessarily gendered to me#OH and thatās also why i include alphonse LOL#alphonse is one of those characters that could be any gender to me every group gotthe transgender allegory#<- another common characteristic that applies to this archetype#this is probably the most niche post ive ever made. haha#oh also a lot of them are blonde. ok now we are just getting into arbitrary pattern making mode its probably not interesting#pip speaks
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finished my stupid project who cheered!!
#been putting this together for 10 days........ entirely too much time#but its OUT OF MY HEAD NOW!!! i can think about OTHER THINGS!!!!!!!!#idk if im actually ever gonna watch all of these. probably not a lot of them are very hard to find. but i still tried to choose ones id#actually Want to watch#theres a few of these out there but these ones are My picks ok. probably some overlap with others but like. how many movies abt fuckin#kim jong-il or mitt romney are there gonna be yknow#(the answers not many. i know this because i had to find them)
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My ability to get confused during simple conversations and not remember even the most basic of facts is unparalleled, btw
#its not that i mixed the two of them up necessarily its thats the psychologist sat down with me and i assumed she was a nurse#bc she didnt look familiar at all and then she just didnt leave so i thought maybe someone else was standing in#and then she brought up PT so i was like aha ! she is my pt#and then another woman came in and i was like this must be the psychologist. its all coming together#except she seemed to only talk about pt stuff which is strange for a psychologist in my experience#eventually she stated she was a PT while talking about pt stuff at which i was like. ok so this is... a new pt ? or maybe i have several ?#im not THAT sleep deprived#meanwhile i was trying to figure out who the hell these people were whenever i wasnt stretching#unfortunately that overlapped entirely with when they were talking so i missed pretty much all of that#is there an opposite of sapiosexual ?#asking for my fiance
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Conversations with god
I am ten years old
my parents left me home alone
only for a short while but still
alone in a not-quite-home of a house
I go into their bedroom
it was always off limits
I crawl into their bed and feel so so small
insignificant
I kneel at the end of their bed
my hands clasp in a desperate prayer
sobbing begging to be stricken down
pleading to anyone who heard
my prayer unanswered I curl into a ball
right onto the slick wooden floor
and cry for my mommy
my parents found me sitting on the couch
right where they left me
as always the well behaved easy kid
knowing their love was conditional
I am twelve years old
I sneak out of bed at four am
I go to the bathroom, close the door behind me
hunch over the sink
why am I like this?
I stare in the mirror
as tears streak down my face
why can't I change no matter how hard I try
please
I scream out
please fix me
I beg to anyone who will listen
please make me whole make me right again
there is no answer
just my own face that I barely recognize
staring blankly back at me
I go back to bed
I woke up the next morning wondering why I did
I am fourteen years old
I didn't think to look how much it would take
I simply take as many as I can
I'm laying on my bedroom floor
the carpet scratches my face painfully
but I find I can't move more than a finger twitch
my vision starts to blacken like curtains closing
the music I put on goes in and out
I send my last thoughts to the universe
to anyone who will listen
please let me pass peacefully
into whatever may be next
I woke up two days later
still on my bedroom floor
I went downstairs and drank water
more parched than I had ever been
my mother laughed when she saw me
said I looked like shit
and she was glad I wasn't dead up there
what an inconvenience that would be
I am sixteen years old
I stay inside all day for months
everyone does it's a pandemic
I don't talk to my friends
I know they all think I'm annoying
they're happier without me
no one tried to reach out
no one asked me how I am
my teachers don't notice I sleep through class
and stay up all night long
one night I'm alone- always a dangerous thing
I think that tonight is my last night
I cook a nice dinner and watch my favorite show
I take a shower and a bubble bath
I make my bed, to finally lie down and rest
I make sure my rat is fed, extra food too
in case it takes long for them to notice
I give him treats and pets, I will miss him greatly
I write my note and take far more than last time
I thought I learned my lesson
I tuck myself into bed one final time
it's more violent this time
I feel like I'm floating and drowning and burning
all at once
I have no final thoughts this time
I woke up the next day
vomit already crusting on my blankets
"thank god you were on your side"
is all that mother said to me
when she caught me cleaning up
"thank god" I scoffed
as if that prick had helped before
as if any god would ever listen to me
I am eighteen years old
I step into a church for the first time
in what feels like lifetimes
for a school project on new experiences
I sit with an old friend in a pew towards the back
and try to feel the embrace of god
or anything really
the most I felt was mild discomfort
and a nosebleed in the bathroom
some might say that's an omen
that I'm of the devil
that there's something unholy in me
that needs to be purged or cleansed
maybe they're right
but I decided to stop praying that day
no more free for all calls to the universe
I was tired of the crippling loneliness
that came with unanswered calls
if no one would pick up I had to rely on myself
the only one talking back to me
in these conversations with god
#ok to reblog#poetry#original poetry#spilled ink#SCREAMING INTO THE VOID#<- my poetry tag#writing#tw religion#tw religious trauma#tw suicide#tw suicide mention#tw Christianity#<- that one is kinda ? but its christian based religious trauma so ig#tw god#tw abusive parents#uhhhhh idk what else to tag this as lmk if it needs any other tags#ik this one is heavy but I've been evaluating my relationship with religion recently and had some āØ memories āØ pop up#im kinda better now dont worry guys š¬š#also this is all real and true minus the ages#most of them happened earlier or at overlapping ages but i like the every two years thing#sorry if it doesnt flow well i havent slept in a cpuple days#just wanted to put this out there ig
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