#and its my birthday in 19 days fuck my life

[obsmiechujek]

a storage space service lost most of my stuff girls just take me outside and shoot me at this point

[earth-to-ezra]

i feel like my brains ripping itself apart so imma put a lil rant in the tags so i can maybe possibly feel slightly better without people having to come across this accidentally! :)

[mydearesthrry]

birthday wishes - h.s.

a/n: hi �� this is long. it ends abruptly and im v sorry! apologies for my absence,,, enjoy :))

🎀 warnings/cw: nothing but fluff

🐇 pairing: 1dbandmember!reader x harry styles

💐 wc: n/a

summary: every year, Y/N posts something for harry’s birthday. every single year, no matter what.

a/n: pls keep in mind harrys relationship timeline or this wont make as much sense..? ok bye

2012

liked by niallhoran, zaynmalik, and 2,378,615 others

yourinstagram: Happy birthday goof!! Thanks for always tuning my guitars for me. I can’t believe you are 18!!!!!!!!!

view 79,058 comments

harrystyles: Thaaaaaanks. I love youuuu. <3 <3 <3

user1: SHE CALLS HIM GOOF UGGGGHHHHHH

user2: i cant believe that this picture is real

user3: THE HEARTS IN HARRYS COMMENT

niallhoran: no bday post for me?? D:

2013

liked by niallhoran, dakotajohnson, dontshakethepolaroid, and 3,008,263 others

yourinstagram: happy birthday h. u are 19. thats crazy. i owe my life to u thank you for being my best friend— thank you for you. i love u so so much bub :’)

comments on this post have been limited

niallhoran: h day!!! time to celebrattteeeeee!!!!!!

annetwist: love you sweetheart!

harrystyles: I love youuuuuu!!!! Thank you lovebug. <3

zaynmalik: time to get drunk!

2014

liked by niallhoran, zendaya, sabrinacarpenter, and 108,862 others

yourinstagram: its a national holiday!! happy birthday to my best friend, confidant, songwriting partner, and personal pillow. UR FUCKING 20. THATS INSANE. i love u so much pickle :’)

comments on this post have been limited

gemmastyles: old man!!!

harrystyles: Thank you Olive :) Love you tons.

niallhoran: a special lads birthday!

zaynmalik: 🍻

jamescorden: pickle and olive!

2015

liked by arianagrande, wherearetheavocados, and 6,826,728 others

yourinstagram: love you prince boy, happy birthday ❤️

view 198,726 other comments

harrystyles: My favorite person alive. Xx

niallhoran: legal in the states!!!!

user1: his comment is so casual but so cutw i cant 😭😭😭

user2: i am so unstable shes literally posted every time on his birthday for years

user3: NEW PHH CONTENT!!!!!

ynrryupdates: our suspicions were right! she posted again this year ❤️❤️❤️

2016

liked by tomholland2016, liampayne, annetwist, and 5,276,266 others

yourusername: hbd har <3 thank you for everything

view all 99,251 comments

user1: no special note… i think we’re losing them

user2: :( not the same this year

user3: i think she’s holding back now because he’s official with kendall?

harrystyles: Thank you, it was wonderful seeing you. H

user4: this is weird…. harry’s comment isnt sitting right with me…?

gemmastyles: missed your face!!!!!!!!!! love you ❤️❤️❤️❤️

2017

liked by harrystyles, selenagomez, marikoluv, and 4,726,629 others

yourinstagram: happy birthday pickle, miss you <3

view all 99,625 comments

annetwist: Missed seeing you! Come back and visit soon ❤️

harrystyles: Thank you Olive. Love you. Miss you more.

gemmastyles: missed my best friend ❤️❤️❤️

user1: are we… are we finally getting them back….

user2: slowly going back to normal………

user3: HES SO DRY 😭

user4: he said love you 😭😭😭😭😭 miss you more 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭

2018

liked by harrystyles, taylorswift13, sabrinacarpenter, and 6,276,151 others

yourinstagram: tbt our frat days 🤓 miss you always my bug, happy birthday ❤️ i love love you

view all 71,620 comments

harrystyles: Be home soon, I miss you more than anything. Love you love you love you. Thank you. H x

gemmastyles: I NEED you to come over when you’re back in London!!!!!!!

annetwist: My baby! ❤️🎁🎉

user1: OH WE GOT THEM BACKKKKKK!!!!!!

user2: now that harrys a freeeeeee man we can get ynrry back like weve always dreamed of!

user3: HER bug… im unwell

2019

liked by harrystyles, billieeilish, liampayne, and 4,276,991 others

yourusername: our time now, silly boy. happy birthday to my soulmate, lover, best friend… and everything else in between. i admire everything you do and I feel like the luckiest person alive to have the privilege of knowing you, cherishing you, and caring for u. that being said, i love you i love you i love you so much it hurts. thank you for choosing me. happy birthday pickle ❤️

view all 89,715 comments

harrystyles: There’s no one in this world I love more than you. Thank you, baby. Very grateful for you, Olive. Xxx

jamescorden: FINALLY

billieeilish: thank GOD this has been the hardest secret to keep 😭😭😭😭

sabrinacarpenter: mom n dadddddd

annetwist: My babies ❤️🎂

user1: OH MY FUCKING GOD

user2: STOP I KNEW IT

user3: FINALLLYYYYYYYY

user4: IVE BEEN WAITING FOR THIS ALL MY DAMN LIFE

2020

liked by harrystyles, arianagrande, gemmastyles, and 4,917,899 others

yourinstagram: havent missed a year so why start now? happy birthday h, i love you so much ❥ p.s. ur fiance era looks so good on u ;)

view all 105,918 comments

harrystyles: Thank you. And I agree; I’ve never looked better. ❤️

user1: WHATTTTTT THE FUCK

user2: THEYRE ENGAGED???!!!!!!!!!!

user3: remember in 2013 when they got asked a question on the this is us panel about how they dreamed of proposing/being proposed to and Y/N said in italy… he def proposed when they filmed golden

2021

liked by user1, harrystyles, billieeilish, and 6,818,809 others

yourinstagram: first outing as newlyweds,,, only right to be celebrating pickles birthday too. bug… i trust u implicitly and love you entirely. my husband!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! happy birthday harry ❤️

comments on this post have been limited

harrystyles: Soulmate. Thank you baby. H

sabrinacarpenter: cats out the bag… mom and dad are married !!!

annetwist: Official daughter ❤️❤️❤️

[urban-shade]

my random miscellaneous sebastian headcanons. readmore because its a LOT

current

i was thinking about if he'd use special sebastian shaped emoticons like .:} and }:. and im honestly 50/50 i can see him thinking they're funny but i can also see him not wanting to think about the fact that he's a fish now and no longer human

in general i think he has a lot of identity issues. He literally NEVER brings up the fact that he is fish-esque besides telling us that he's not going to hurt us, and telling us items are on his tail. I think if he was more comfortable with his identity he might occasionally crack a joke but I think deep down he has a mask up emotionally where he tries to forget about it all.

and that mask CRACKS a little when players repeatedly climb on him!! it brings back hard memories for him and that's the most upset we ever hear him.. he doesn't even get that upset when he kills you for flash beaconing him twice.. you can fucking hear the hurt in gianni's voice acting and its just SO . AGH.

past / pre-breakout

i like thinking about what they had him get up to as an LR-P and MR-P a lot. What if they had him assemble furniture to get him used to his new 3rd arm. He thinks he's getting new furniture for his cell but then they take it away and put it in the break room and he gets SO ANNOYED. Then the 2nd furniture they have him do he assembles it and then throws it at the observation room at the top of his cell.

He'd get a game console for like one day to ensure his mental capabilities are the same as before the experimentation and for like 2 years after that day he misses his video games until he gets to play games again when he's promoted to MR-P

I feel like near the very start of things just to get a whole overview of like everything that's changed about him even if gills is only what they really gaf about (million dollar fish might as well see what your money did) they'd be testing a lot of basic stuff. Like taste. And they'd give him some normal food of different types of tastes to see if he's lost any taste receptors and he'd be like so happy but then intentionally one of the foods is really bad. And he gets so mad

i headcanon he did dual enrollment (college+hs) since he switched his college major from business to engineering and he's only 19. And that he was a massive nerd... unfortunately his fishtuation has changed him :(

there is a massive urbanshade in-network group chat/email chain for the scientists. There are a lot of inside jokes and a lot are at sebastians expense

i feel like he got food requests on his birthdays. The highlight of his years

His first request for birthday food was like a recipe his mom made a lot and he got it and it was horrible and barely seasoned because urbanshade is the worst and also they are in Norway and he is NOT going to get properly cooked authentic chilean food. And he never requested chilean food again :( Didn't want to be disappointed

post game

i don't think he truly realizes how big he is and if he ever gets a real human frame of reference he's going to get extremely upset about it (if he was already on edge from something else.. he's practiced at hiding/burying his emotions). The blacksite doesn't have a ton of normal size comparison things for him besides smaller human objects and humans themselves, everything is sorta larger than life there and he might feel quite big but I don't think he has a proper idea of the real scale.

Even if he escapes, even if he could deal with all the problems that come from being a snake/mermaid/fishmonster guy. He is still way too big to fit in any normal human spaces. He is truly screwed unless he can get turned back human by innovation inc...

even if he does get turned back human by innovation inc he's going to have to relive his trauma all over again. i think about that a lot

i think he'd also be conflicted on turning back human like it's the one thing he's wanted for the past 10 years but also.. He's been like this for so long.. he doesn't really feel like Sebastian the kid with a guitar that liked Metallica. He's Sebastian Solace the Saboteur… The dangerous fish man who's been forced to kill a few people out of necessity (and indirectly cause the deaths of a few hundred others)

i think he'd get phantom limb pains from his 3rd arm if he lost it in the human transformation. Like he isn't even supposed to HAVE that arm as a person and yet his brain still expects it to be there. He keeps trying to use it and then it's gone

When he first meets his family again for the first time after he escapes I think he wouldn't be human yet. Before he lets them see him he like speaks to them from behind a door or something… To try and prepare them. He's really nervous about seeing them all again because he absolutely cares about them just the same but he just feels like an outsider now.. he's changed so much

All he wants is to get back to a normal life but, normal human life doesn't feel normal to him anymore. He almost misses the monotony of the blacksite. I feel like innovation inc would take a few months-year to get him turned back and he might try working for them in that time to try and adjust to being out of urbanshade since it feels familiar to him and they're more equipped to deal with a giant fish man than his family's home. But ever so often things there remind him of urbanshade and he goes back to feeling like he's about to be shot on sight.

biology

silver spiny fins are some of the best vertebrates at seeing color in low light conditions! i think he has that trait from them

mantis shrimp like to burrow. I think he has some kind of instinct where he feels more at home in small enclosed spaces (he loves blankets)

what if his upper body had sandpaper shark scales. i dont want to put him through that because can you imagine putting on a cotton shirt with sandpaper skin???? too cruel. but its fun to think about

i think he molts but its only like once a year. The first time he does it he has like absolutely no idea that's what's happening he's just like insanely itchy or something and then he realizes his tail skin has PEELED OFF and he's like (HORRIFIED) but then realizes what's going on . And then it takes forever for him to get it all off and he just stares at it like Eugh after

the second time he realizes he can use the shed to screw with the researchers. Researcher walks in his heavy containment cell in the morning and there's just like a massive translucent crumpled version of him in the corner and they just scream before realizing 2 seconds later

the scientists have a sped up video of him molting to metallica music like how people post timelapses of their snakes shedding

[crazylittlejester]

Unsure if you’ve answers this already, but what’s the rest of the chain doing in your modern au?

I don’t think ive ever really talked a lot about it like, in depth, but im more than happy to because i love my au and my silly guys :)

my bad for spelling errors i am Stupid 💔

Time: (46) Lives on the ranch with Malon. He worked full time as a mechanic before he met and married Malon, and he still works at the same place just SIGNIFICANTLY less hours because he’s also doing work on the ranch. He also plays guitar as a hobby, he played more when he was younger but Twilight’s BIGGEST flex in middle and early high school was that his dad owns some fuckass guitars

Hyrule: (20) He really really really likes rocks and being outside so he’s going into geology because he wanted to dig in the dirt and find special rocks. Sometimes Twi will text him like “bro where are you?” and if he even has service Hyrule will just send him a pic in the literal middle of fucking nowhere. Hyrule lives with Legend in the same apartment as Wars, Twi, and Sky, EXACTLY one floor below them

Legend: (20) Political science major, because he was running out of time and had to pick something. He’s not super sure what he wants to do, he has like, no plans, he didn’t think he’d be alive this long and have to DO something with his life. He works at the same little coffee shop as Sky, and those two are good friends. Every time Wars is being too loud above him (jumping, screaming, dancing) he will get up on his table and smack the ceiling and yell, or he’ll leave him angry voicemails. He left the dorms because he couldn’t handle being in the room next to Wars’s dramatic ass, he was DEVASTATED to discover all he did was move in underneath him

Wild: (19) He’s doing fashion/arts and he really really likes photography. He’s a retired skater (same as Wars) and on good days he can move around alright with minimal pain, but it’s not uncommon for him to use a mobility aid. He’s very good friends with Wars and sometimes they’ll fuck around at the rink together, other times when he has five minutes to spare Wars will drive him around and they’ll go to parks and just sit. They’re each other’s oldest friend and they both left a sport that was literally their entire world and its been hard to adjust to life without competitions but they’ve got each other. Wars makes a very serious effort to meet up with Wild 2-3 times a week

Four: (19) He’s a blacksmith, like his grandpa, but he got roped into this mess of a friend group somehow anyways. He finds most of them to be far too loud or dramatic, but they’re his best friends and he’s stuck with em

Wind: (16) He’s still in high school, but he does band and soccer. Wars took him skating ONCE because he used to babysit him, and Wind kinda got obsessed with the idea of what he calls ‘knife shoes’. Of ALL the people Wars has taken to the rink with him (who have no prior experience skating), Wind is the best. He’d be able to fuck around and play ice hockey with Wars, he’d get his ass beat if he went against an actual hockey player, but he can play a simple friendly game with Wars if Wars agrees to it

and then for anyone unfamiliar with the au!!:

Wars: (20/21; depends on what time of year I write the au in, because everything is just about their last year of undergrad and he’s a December birthday) He’s a retired figure skater who holds a world record and several gold medals, and he won the hyrule equivalent of the olympics at 18. He’s a dance major now, he’s been doing ballet since he was 3 and he never quit it, and he’s gone pretty much all day during the week because he goes skating for two hours before class, his last class ends at 5:30, and then if he’s actively in a show rehearsal ends at 10. Weekends are his only time to breathe but he’ll still have rehearsal from 1-6 and will hit the rink from like 10-11 unless Sky and Twi get on their literal hands and knees and BEG him not to because they miss him and “when will my husband return from the fucking war??”

Twilight: (21/22; his birthday is March) Bio/chem major with the intent to become a vet for ranch animals. He LOVES animals so so so so much, and he has a rather bad habit of bringing home sat wet creatures to his adoptive parents/aunt&uncle Time and Malon who just need a little extra love, including but not limited to: Several dogs, several cats, an injured bird, Warriors, a baby deer. Most of these things get taken care of and then released or Time helps them get adopted, and others get kept (at LEAST four dogs (including a very fluffy one named Wolfie), Wars, and two cats)

Sky: (21) English literature major who wants to become a teacher because he had an awful time as a disabled kid in school and he was made to feel stupid and he NEVER wants a kid to have that experience. It broke his heart to realize Wars had that experience too and still thinks he’s stupid, but Sky is determined to be the kind of english teacher you remember DECADES after you leave grade school because they were so important and changed your life. His gf Sun also loves english literature, and they go on dates to the library together and it’s just disgustingly sweet. He’s living out his best coffee shop romance au life because he does in fact work at a coffee shop and he did in fact fall in love with the girl who came in and ordered mint tea at 4 pm on the dot every day he just so happened to be working

[justrainandcoffee]

Against all odds (Alfie Solomons x fem!oc) Part 1.

(Crossover Peaky Blinders - Hunger Games)

Series masterlist - Alfie x Rose masterlist

Summary: Six years ago, Alfie won his games and the ghosts of those years still haunts him. But he has not choice but go to the Capitol, once again, because that's his role as mentor. No one of those kids who went with him to the Capitol survived and probably this year it'll be the same. Fuck the Capitol and its citizens. They're all the same. The thing is... Not all of them are the same.

Series warnings: Mentions of sex (consent and non-con). Murders. Blood. PTSD. Cheating. Prostitution. || This is set in Panem universe. Topics as minors being sexual corrupted are also mentioned because it's CANON.

Words: 3.1k

Six years earlier.

District 8.

Rose woke up sighing. Last week she celebrated her 18th birthday. Already an adult and yet, once last time she had to prepare herself for the reaping day.

The last six years of her life were tortuous. Year after year, praying for a miracle. But for now, God or whoever was up there, listened to her.

Just one more time.

Her brother Samuel was already up when she went to the kitchen. He was 13, almost 14, and that was his second time facing that not so special day.

"Hi, Sam."

"Rosie…"

She tried to prevent him from asking for things so he couldn't get any extra tesserae but also, there was a time where she fell ill for almost a month and Samuel was the one who had to ask for medicine. His name was ten times on those damn papers. Rose's name was fifty-five.

"Are you okay?" she asked.

"If by okay you mean that there's a chance I can be reaped and then die then, no, I'm not okay. But I'm still alive and these toasts are good, so yes, I'm okay."

"Everything will be fine, Sam."

"Except for one boy and one girl."

Rose nodded, "except for them."

.

The escort who always visited the district during the reaping day was an extravagant man called Alistair Pullman, who had half of his hair blue and half white. Perfectly combed. He also had a ridiculous moustache and talked in a funny way.

"Welcome to The 53th Hunger Games!" Alistair exclaimed. He was wearing a white hat and a brilliant green suit.

The introduction was always the same. Same words, same tone of voice.

"…as always, ladies first."

Her heart was pounding.

Please, help me one more time.

Alistair picked up a paper and opened it "Rose… Gregg."

Gregg. Not Coldwell. Not Coldwell. She couldn't help but cried. The odds were indeed on her favour. After all those years, after all those fucking tesserae, she did it. She was never reaped.

Rose Gregg was a thin ginger girl. She was also crying but for very different reasons. She was probably walking towards her death. Rose Coldwell felt sorry for her.

"And now the gentlemen…"

The boy, luckily, wasn't her brother but a boy called Martin Wallis.

When she had the chance, she ran towards her little brother and hugged him tightly.

It was indeed a good day. At least for the Coldwells.

Far away in district 9 a boy called Alfred had been reaped.

Now.

District 9.

"How old are you?" Alfie asked.

"19."

"You're fucking not. How old are you?"

"16."

"Fuck off. Go home, girl."

"Please, sir! My sister and I, we're hungry! Let me show you! Other men say I'm good… I can be good. Whatever you want, sir."

Alfie went to the kitchen and grabbed some canned food and bread and gave it to her. "I said fuck off."

He growled. Not infrequently women and sometimes men knocked on his door offering sexual services in exchange for food or medicine he now had. Since he won his games six years ago that was a every day routine. And not so infrequently, too, he accepted their offer. It was a good way to stop thinking. As long as the person was adult and never vaginal sex. The last thing that the world needed was more kids. Were his actions questionable? Who the fuck cared? That was Panem not a fucking monastery. You had to survive and every person chose their methods. At least he wasn't a fucking rapist.

Alfie tried not to think about it. It was only once but…

He knocked the rest of the cans out of his table. He was angry.

It was months after his victory. A woman in her 50s paid for a night with him. And he didn't have the option to say no. The lady had a fetish for young teenage boys who were like him. They forced him to take a pill so he could last longer during the sex encounter. Not only the woman was older than his own mother but also was incredibly annoying. He forced himself to close his eyes and just do his job. It was the longest and most unpleasant night of his life.

No one else wanted him. Too rude and not childish enough to them. He already had beard. People of the capitol preferred baby faces. Alfie never shaved again in his life, that kept the rest of the citizens away from him.

And that day was the beginning of a new nightmare. Once again, a new reaping day. Another year where probably he was going to lose another boy and another girl.

He watched the ceremony from the distance. Both girl and boy were 15 years old. The boy named Philip had only one hand.

Alfie knew it from the very beginning, Philip had his days numbered. Later he could study the girl. In the distance he heard the train already waiting for them.

.

The Capitol. Wealthy, big, colourful… full of hypocrisy and heartless bastards. Full of people cheering for the tributes and waiting for them to be slaughtered by other kids. He despised that place. Their escort, Alissa, was speaking but Alfie wasn't paying attention to her.

The training centre was full of people. From servants to guards. Alfie saw how other victors talked to the new tributes, introducing that place. Philip and the girl were at his side in silence listening to Alissa who was too enthusiastic about these new games.

A short woman approached them and greeted Alissa with a big smile and also the kids. She just nodded at him, probably reading his facial expression.

"I'm the new stylist," she introduced herself to him and the rest "I'm Rosebeth. And I'm glad to announce you're going to shine."

.

Another fucking year. Rose watched the different kids being selected on TV. Same old story. Happy and proud faces on those from district 1 and 2, resignation on the rest of them.

That was her first year working as stylist and they assigned district 9 to her. The previous stylist had problems with authorities and he had been incarcerated. Probably killed by now, she didn't know. And Rose learnt that it's better not to ask.

If you wanted an answer all you had to do was wait and listen. Sooner or later, people talked. Especially those wealthy bitches ready to spread gossips.

The train was already there. And Rose prepared herself. Time to be someone new.

When you're part of the Capitol, you had to act like one. You couldn't have a simple and mundane name as Rose. Because of that she merged her both names in one, Rose Elizabeth: Rosebeth. And voilà, she wasn't a simple girl anymore.

Not long time ago she was part of the districts too. She didn't born there. She hated the Capitol, the ideals, the way that those kids were treated. Rose wanted to burn that place from the ground and watch it explode in thousand of pieces. And was already working on it.

But for now she was the stupid, superficial and happy Rosebeth Evert, married to one of the richest men there. And one of the biggest piece of shit, too.

"What happened to André?" the mentor asked. She looked at him and smiled.

"André isn't here anymore. As I said, I'm the new stylist and for the next weeks we're a team. The five of us, isn't that great?"

Alissa clapped happily and Philip smiled. Alfie and the girl remained in silence.

.

While they entered the elevator to go to their floor, Alfie realised he was mad. No, in fact, he was disgusted. At least André was a man who he could talk with. The woman in front of him was nothing but the perfect example of a empty minded person who probably celebrate every death. The next few weeks were going to be a hell. He looked at her and Alissa talk like very good friends but said nothing.

Alfie knew the place but the kids not. The floor that the Capitol gave to district 9 was big, elegantly decorated and with enormous windows facing the city.

Alissa was jumping here and there expressing her gratitude for the food on the table, the soft music on the background and almost everything.

"You're Reah," said Rose looking at the girl. Contrary to Philip, Reah was shy and quiet. Not agressive at all, just timid. The girl girl nodded "I'm already thinking about your dress, Reah. But I need opinions, what do you like about your District? I'm against all traditional, sweetie. André was good, but too classic. Make them talk about you, Reah."

"Reah wants peace. Her life is about to change forever, last thing she needs is to talk about stupid costumes."

Rose looked at the mentor who just talked. She read his files. Alfred Solomons, winner of the 53th Hunger games. An impressive number of seven deaths, one of them by decapitation. Two sickles was all he needed to be a victor. But the grumpy man in front of her had nothing to do with the photo in the files she read.

"Well, Alfred, what about let the girl talk instead of speaking for her? My reputation depends on the parade and I'm not going to ruin it because you're against it."

"It's okay," Reah said shyly. "I'd like to talk about the costume."

Alfie huffed before turning around and go to his bedroom.

The fucking Capitol.

.

But Alfie had nothing to say when he finally saw the costumes. Over the years, he had seen his mentored kids dressed as corn or a wearing weath hats. That night, both Reah and Philip represented Ceres, the roman goddess of grains. Comparing the costumes to distract 1, for example, probably they weren't that extravagant. But if you looked closer you could see the little details like weath ears made of golden threads perfectly sewed to the fabric. Plus longer weath ears made of real gold outstanding over their shoulders and heads.

Alissa was fascinated and told Rose. Alfie remained in silence.

Apparently, people loved them too.

The only thing that Alfie thought was that maybe that could help him to get sponsors for them.

At that hour the building was almost empty except for guards and some night workers. No one asked her what she was doing at those hours. She's carrying a sewing machine in her arms and some clothes on her shoulders.

Rose was trying to ignore her heartbeat. You had to start with something, right?

"To spy my husband," she said to the seller who didn't ask much questions when she bought a microphone.

She gave two fucks her husband. He was probably now celebrating with some other men in a bar thinking about the tributes and who could win.

A guard stopped her when she tried to enter the control centre. She knew that was going to happen. She wore her fakest smile.

"You can't pass, ma'am."

Rose giggled stupidly "oh, I know, love. But Claudius is there and I have a message for him from my cutie husband Lawrie Evert. It's just five seconds."

The guard looked at her and used the communication device on his wrist to speak with other guard inside. After a short exchange of words he let her in.

The message was fake. Probably the man named Claudius will forget that, but it gave her the chance to be inside the most precious room in the whole Capitol. The fucking control centre. No one noticed that she put the tiny mic under the table. Especially because everyone was busy and because the clothes covered her arms. Long life battery. Probably it will last longer than this game edition.

Once she left the room and the hallway. That stupid smile she hated so much disappeared from her face.

"Be careful with her," an old victor warned Alfie once the training began.

Alfie had been watching Philip and he was extremely surprised by his ability to use spears despite having only one hand. It's not like district 9 had a lot of wild animals to hunt. Alfie promised himself to ask the boy about it later.

"With who?"

"Your stylist. Do you know her husband?"

"I don't know a shit about her except that she's annoying and she's laughing like an idiot all the time. Who the fuck is her husband?"

"Lawrence Evert."

Alfie stopped looking at the boy to look at the victor. It was the black woman known as Volcano Girl. Alfie was a little kid by the time she won, probably 4 or 5 years old, he barely remembered those games. But for a few years Aveline Young was quite popular. She was 34 years now, almost two decades passed from the moment she won.

"What?" Alfie asked looking at her.

Lawrence Evert was a bad word. It was an open secret the things he did to some victors. Even Alfie who was one of the youngest and hadn't heard everything, knew about him.

"Just telling you, Alfie. I couldn't trust her if I were you. Who the fuck can marry that bastard?"

His head were full of questions. Not only now he had to protect those kids from other tributes, but in case that any of them could win, he had to ptotect her o him from the husband of a woman who was pretending to be their friend.

.

The hostility towards her the following days only increased. Alissa tried to calm him, talked to him about other things but he didn't cooperate. Every time Alfie found her talking to Reah or Philip alone, he approached them.

Those bastards were everywhere. Every night when Alfie looked through the window and watched the lights he asked himself how many of them corrupted kids. The answer was probably: a lot.

Four nights before the beginning of the 60th Hunger Games, Alfie saw Rose dancing with Philip a tropical song. Both of them were laughing, but he wasn't. Not just he turned the music off, but warned the woman with his finger.

"It's nothing…" Philip tried to say.

"It's fucking a lot. Go to bed, now. You need to rest," the man ordered.

"But Alfie…"

"Go to the fucking bed, Philip!"

The boy nodded and left the dining room, leaving the two adults alone.

"Stay fucking away from them."

"What the fuck is wrong with you?" Rose frowned "the moment you put a feet here you treated me bad, but these last days were awful… as far as I know I did nothing! So tell me, Alfred, what the fuck is wrong with you!!"

"With me? I came forced here! And I'm doing my job! Part if it is protecting those kids from monsters like you!"

Alissa appeared that moment to tell them that they were yelling at each other. Rose open the balcony door violently. Alfie was behind her.

"What the fuck do you mean by monsters like me. Because I was giving the kid a moment to be a child again? Joking and dancing trying to make him forget about his fate?? I don't understand, so tell me!"

"You know nothing, don't you?" Alfie snorted. "Probably you spend your days thinking what ridiculous shoes to buy, what new fucking bag to wear. Meanwhile in your back your beloved husband is a pe…"

"A what?!"

"Pedophile."

Alfie saw the exactly moment where life escaped from her eyes. She was paralyzed.

"What?"

"You heard me. Why don't you ask victors what do they think about Lawrence Evert?"

"What the fuck are…oh God." Rose felt sick and ended up vomiting in a flowerpot that was there. Alfie didn't move.

It couldn't be. Those years she had heard those rumours and never doubted about it. But that was new information. Disgusting new information. Her marriage it was recent, she accepted because he promised to keep her brothers names out of the bowls and he fulfilled the promises. Now Samuel was safe from it, he was 19, but her little brother Louis was only 14.

"FUCCKKKK!!" she screamed in the wind, crying. She let him fucked her without knowing he touched kids. She felt dirty. It was disgusting. "How many…" she thought. She didn't want to know. When she calmed down, moments later, she faced Alfie who was still there.

"You too?"

"No. Not by him, at least."

"I didn't know. Please, believe me, I didn't know. This kid, Philip, he is barely older than my little brother. I miss him! For me he's nothing but like my brother Louis. I never… never!"

"Yeah. I can see you didn't know. I believe you. But I don't want you near them. I don't trust people like you. Capitol citizens enjoying the killing. You didn't touch them, but I bet my ass you enjoy the games. Born in a fucking golden crib..."

"Don't you dare to talk about me like you know me, Alfred. You know a shit about me! I'm from district 8! I put my fucking name 185 times during my adolescence. I was fucking lucky that I never been reaped. I suffer from the same misery than you or these kids. I was lucky that when I was 19 they accepted me to work here. I'm sorry your lucky was worst than mine. But don't you dare to judge me. You don't know me. You don't."

When she left the balcony, Alfie kicked the wall. Everything was a shit.

Reah and Philip the next days continue training. Alfie prepared them to face the judges. Rose was in her studio finishing the clothes for their interview on live TV. They barely talk to each other during those days. But they didn't yell at each other either.

At night, alone on her bedroom, Rose heard the conversation in the control centre and took notes: Specific words, times, names, codes… She also knew that the arena was a copy of a Grand Canyon. Beautiful but mortal. She couldn't tell Alfie, even if she wanted to. She didn't trust him. He could tell this secret to other victors and it could be the end.

.

Both kids ending their training with 7 points over 12 and the TV presentation was successful even for the shy Reah.

If kids could make it, was another story. That night, the last night, no one said a word but everyone knew that it was going to be the last supper for one of them. In the worst scenario, both of them.

Alfie found himself staring at the woman he knew as Rosebeth. She was quiet and she didn't look at all like the person of the previous days.

Next part

[keiipopped]

My First Scandal🤭

Okay so i wasn’t gonna address this because frankly it’s irrelevant to me but since bitches wanna get on here and post shit and so called ‘call me out’ so fuck it, I’m bored and have time tonight. If youre on enha writing tumblr then you may have seen posts from or about @dramaticalerror who i cant tag cause the bitch blocked me anyway LMAOO. So let me start by saying that if there’s typos its cause i just did my nails and am trying to type fast lmao and haven’t had nails in a hot minute. Anyway. The whole situation is genuinely irrelevant to me but bc people that have never interacted w me a day in their lives have shit to say. Ill say this, First of all, yes i told the bitch to off herself and yes I said I’d whoop her ass if this was irl (CAUSE I WOULD💀) however, this was after so long of conversation and them being rude initially. People I’ve interacted with on multiple platforms including this one as well as in real life can testify to the fact that i am genuinely a sweet person, but i will fight if needed. Last night i was on tumblr and this person came up on the regular enhypen tag which i follow and they were posting to tell people what they were gonna be writing and i ignored it. Then i realized what kind of content they were actually writing and i wanted them to disappear. Anyway i messaged them politely asking that they blocked me so it would basically be like they never existed and they proceeded to respond rudely but this part was not showed in their responses. They later told me i didnt “deserve” it and then that the more i insulted them the more they’d write Niki smuts and tag me in them. Which i stupidly enough earlier deleted the whole chat thread cause i said i was done w the whole thing. but i do have those. Anyway they later posted the chats but only the parts where i got out of hand AND then blocked me ANYWAY like a fucking clown. They also told me I’d eventually write smut which.. i wont? Like. Y’all i swear it was literally like talking to a 8 year old wall.

It’s just funny cause its so easy to tell how immature this person is because of the tags they use like #controversy. Are you serious 💀

Anyways there was so much more that went down in the chat but this is the only important(not) part. Bottom line is the shit they write is disgusting and anyone that disagrees and plans on writing that shit in the future just go ahead and block me.

AND lastly miss me with that “Jungwon and Sunoo didnt get the same defense” because i was fighting bitches when someone literally wrote smut for him the day after his 18th birthday and i wasn’t here when sunoo turned 18. and if you think people waited for Jungwon to turn 19 youre wrong too.

I would tag the mf also but they like i said blocked me anyway. So 🤷🏽‍♀️

[its-a-rat-trap]

BOB GELDOF: OFFICIAL STATEMENT REGARDING CITIZENS OF BOOMTOWN

From The Pen of Bob Geldof:

My Fellow Citizens…

Time moves on alas and Boomtown needs to re-purpose its infrastructural modalities. That’s right Citizens we need to up-scale, downsize and re-position ourselves vertically but on a horizontally focussed axis to be better prepared online-sly speaking for the coming mega-celebratory 50th Boomtown Birthday.

The Citizens of Boomtown site and forum will shortly be seamlessly absorbed into the NEW BOOMTOWN SUPERSITE!! still giving you all the current extraordinary benefits of Citizenship, geeky discursive debating platforms but not really! Wow!!

Basically there’s no point in having two sites in effect doing the same thing so some maddened managerial time and motion efficiency freak begged Pete (blame him) to allow Mayor Jennifer and Techno buff Joke to “rationalise” our online presence, be slightly more professional (who? Us? The Rats? - you’re joking mate) and frankly get it together webbily-speaking. So…

COB is a great album but being released two days before lockdown, like a lot of things and people it got obstructed by Covid 19. So goodbye promotion, tour and what we had hoped would be a different route of approaching the band and music through a site or device where fans would be the same as the band in a shared experience of being Citizens of the “idea” of what Boomtown might be or could be and which, as a result become self-growing, outside of the band where the band and its members became irrelevant to the ongoing life of the site/idea/citizens. But still the background hum that united it all was the music coming out of that towering imaginary Ratopolis.

So feel free to jump in your leaky inflatable rubber dinghy, don your useless safety vest, pay a scumbag Rat-trafficker and migrate the tricky electric tides away from the doomed but forever beautiful city to the fun-lovin’, hip-swingin’, ga-roovey, ca-razey sunny uplands of brand new/old Ratland! That country where even the Rats roam free and zephyr winds carry wafts of gentle heavenly Ratmusik to all the green corners of its lush pastures. Where parliaments of citizens still carry on arcane esoteric deconstructive debates over the “true” meaning of “Do The Rat” and it’s global implications to the coming US elections particularly with regard to the swing states of Pennsylvania and Wisconsin wherever the fuck that is.

So..thank you for all the fun of COB and hello to Ratsite 2. If you think it’s crap you’ll let us know and remember Pete is the one to blame..

Rat On..

BG xxx

[life-winners-liveblog]

(May 14/15/18/19/20/21/22)

first of all- whisper why the fuck did you feel the need to do that to Jimmy? secondly, what the f u c k did Jimmy do? Did he-... did he rewind time??? HOW????

Also DL!Scott and SL!Jimmy both choosing their own causes of death as the worst is fitting.

Wish magic... huh.

We unlocked a Cleo! Yay! ....Some of you whispers are fucked up. just- w h y. On poor Jimmy's birthday. ??? WHY DID YOU SET HIM ON FIRE?! WHAT WAS THE REASON?! Oh you made Martyn MAD MAD holy SHIT

Ah yes, Bad Math. All Martyn's are bad at math.

Awe you have whisper notes! Honestly its probably really helpful when keeping track of the storylines and lore of some of the whispers. I wonder what would be on my space if I had one?

DESERT DUO BACK TOGETHER YAY! wait didn't the watchers say there could be issues if Scar left during the time loop?... uh oh

Anyways I have work early tomorrow morning so this shall have to continue later this week. Author the work you put into this blog never ceases to amaze me. You are awesome and I think i speak for all the whispers when i say that we appreciate you and all that you do to bring these silly little characters to life. It truly is amazing and how you keep up with so many different storylines at once is ridiculous. I hope you have a good night and fantastic day tomorrow.

-Xas

Awww thank you! ❤️

[keepinventory]

HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!! HOLY SHIT!?!!!!! UR 20!!!!!!!!!! That is straight up making me emotional.

Has me feeling like an estranged aunty that pinches ur cheeks and tells you that you were only THIS! (puts hands a foot apart from each other) BIG!! when I first met you

But fr I hope you have a lovely day! And I hope that you don't feel too overwhelmed about Being In Your 20s. There's a lot of shit posting about it sucking but in all honesty, every age sucks because everyone's life sucks sometimes. There's so much joy in it too. I hope you're able to find that joy and freedom that comes with getting older.

Anyways I am sending you 10million forehead kissies as we speak so watch the fuck out 🧡

WAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH LAAAAAAAAYN ;_; ;_; ;_; im looking forward to being 20 if im so honest!!!! its like i got the Real Adult achievement after doing the trial run at 18 and 19. ... Didn't unlock anything new thats all freaking saved for 21 -_- LOL

THANK YOU SO MAAAAAAAACH !!!!!!!!!!!!!! you will NEVER be estranged to me. Owwwww my CHEEKS!!!

[kobedivision]

ARB Birthday Special: Max Soukoku

~~ April 17th ~~

“Right now, you’re the only reason I’m not letting go.”

Login Lines:

You feel a blade pressed against your neck. “Who….are you…and what…do you want…tell me now…or I’ll—“

“…What is this…?…A present…birthday…it’s my birthday…oh…thanks…”

Voice Lines:

“Ren and Kaiji said…that I would…be turning…19 today…I don’t know why…but they looked…excited…but they looked sad when…I said that…I never had…a birthday before…I still…don’t really get it…but as long as…I have them…I don’t mind…”

“When I woke up…this morning…I realized that…Hunter was gone…it wasn’t anything…bad…he just likes to…run around the house…for exercise…but this time…was different…he brought…something…a gift…he really is…a good boy…I’m glad to…have a brother like him…”

“The forest…seems alive today…it’s also…in good spirits…I’ve found lots…of nice things…when getting more resources…and stocking up…on food…I wonder…if this is its way…of saying…thank you…for protecting it…”

“Leader…and the others (except Ravage…that piece of shit…)…wished me a happy birthday…he even said that…I didn’t have…to work today…that’s…nice…I guess…but now…I don’t know…what to do for…tonight…”

“Hey Ren..thanks…I dunno, it’s not really…a big deal…for me…but I’m glad you’re…so happy…so yeah…I’m a little bit…excited…oh…a gift…thank you…”

“Oh…sick…I like it…thank you, Ren…I’m glad to…have met you too…you and everyone…you’re all…important to me…I promise…won’t let anything…happen to you all…”

“Hey Kaiji…hm? Oh…it’s someone’s birthday, today?…What are you…doing here then…Ohhh…right…keep forgetting that…great…can’t wait…I guess…hm? Oh…thanks…”

“Whoa…these are…really nice…not too flashy…thanks…this is…really thoughtful…I’m sure Hunter…would love these…thank you Kaiji…even though…you’re annoying sometimes…I’m really glad…to have you…in my life…”

Ren Lines:

“Max! Happy birthday, man! C’mon, aren’t you the least bit excited? After all, this is your first time spending your birthday with us!…And your first time spending your birthday in general…but nevermind that, all that matters is that you’re here with us and I got you a gift to celebrate.”

“Do you like it? I know you’ve been taking up woodcarving recently and I’m glad you’ve found a hobby to enjoy, so I figured I’d help you get a good start by getting you a woodcarving kit. I’m glad you like it, I meant what I said earlier, I know we didn’t get off on the right foot when we first met but I really couldn’t have asked for a better brother, I just want you to know that you mean a lot to me, Kaiji, Nagisa, Ayano, and Ryōhei. So, thanks, for coming into our lives.”

Kaiji Lines:

“Ohhhhhhh Maxiiiiiiiiii~! I heard that it was a certain special someone’s birthday today!…*sighs* It’s your birthday, dummy! God, you’d think after a year, you would understand verbal expression more…oh nevermind, look, Ren and I got the whole day planned out, it’s your first birthday since meeting us and we’re gonna give you the time of your life! But first, here you go!”

“Ta daaaa~! Neat, huh?! I had these collars custom made, I know you like the simple style so I didn’t go overboard with the designing process, gotta admit, they look good, right? Look, there’s two! So you and Hunter can match! Hehe, I knew you’d like them, putting all that aside, happy birthday, Max, even though you drive me up a fucking wall sometimes, I’m really glad that we met.”

[7grandmel]

Todays rip: 26/01/2024

​THIS RIP WAS MADE BY TEETH GANG

Season 3 Featured on: The SiIvaGunner Spooktacular Halloween Horror Special Collection '17​-​'19

Ripped by UUN4 Visuals by KnightOfGames, "Teeth Gang"

Look, uh, feel free to skip the visuals on this one if you're sensitive. There's a lot of, teeth, in this one.

I really don't know how I was able to forget about ​THIS RIP WAS MADE BY TEETH GANG for so many years, when I specifically recall being there on the channel the day it went up. It might just've been due to Halloween 2018 being a rather understated and not very memorable event in general, mainly there to tease the next year's Halloween blowout of Spooktacular III - a by contrast amazing event that I covered briefly in Battle with Jeffinite. Yet the music to Gimmick! was on my mind for some unknown reason as of late, and one YouTube search later, I'd rejoined the Teeth Gang.

The SiIvaGunner channel is pretty inextricably tied to the Chiptune community, right down to where several members of the team almost exclusively make chiptune rips. As a result, the channel's rips have featured a good number of games that neither you or I may find particularly nostalgic or even good, but that are beloved by chiptune artists for their lovely sound - Viva La Robocop and Beautiful! ~ Curveball of Sean Kingston come to mind as two examples of this that I've covered on the blog. The NES game Gimmick! is somewhat of a special case, though, thanks to its develope Sunsoft. Despite not having all too many games under their belt that could be considered genuine classics, Sunsoft is still remembered by a lot of gaming enthusiasts specifically for how they made consoles like the NES/Famicom and Sega Genesis positively sing. Gimmick!, released late into the Famicom's life, is the perfect embodiment of that, celebrated in some ways as the de-facto game to showcase just what the NES is capable of doing (Follin soundtracks notwithstanding).

That's the backstory for why I was out looking for rips of the game, anyway - as for the reason why TEETH got involved to result in ​THIS RIP WAS MADE BY TEETH GANG, that's an area I was woefully undereducated on. It's likely that many of those reading this had the chance to grow up more closely attached to Nickelodeon's cartoon programming of the early 2000s, and by extension had some truly iconic bangers embedded into your minds. I'm again speaking as an outsider, but - good LORD, discovering that My Shiny Teeth And Me had over 20 million views on YouTube left me completely flabbergasted. Do you remember just two days ago in Guilty Eyes Creeper where I discussed just how many rabbitholes there are to fall into on SiIvaGunner? Yeah, this is a prime example of me doing just that, as recently as this week.

Because yeah - even though I first saw THIS RIP WAS MADE BY TEETH GANG, my lack of familiarity with the song made me not really care for the rip's audio (which was also because the visuals were, naturally, a lot more memorable for the wrong reasons). Five years later, I can officially confirm that My Shiny Teeth And Me is a fucking BANGER that I wish I'd given a chance sooner, partially carried by the vocalist being a member of 2000s boy band NSYNC, but also just the melody and progression being very catchy in general! And when arranged through the aforementioned beautiful Sunsoft-y sound of Gimmick, it's a perfect fit - the sugary pop cheer of My Shiny Teeth And Me fits the sound of Gimmick, and Happy Birthday in particular, like an absolute glove. The main melody, bassline, percussion - though its all playing within the limitations of the original Famicom track, it still manages to sound just as full of life as the song its arranging.

And look, I've been throwing shade toward the choice of giving the rip visuals, but I'll say it - I think even back then I found it pretty fucking funny. Learning in hindsight that "TEETH GANG" is actually just members of the SiIva team submitting their own teeth edits for the rip, ballooning the size of contributors to this otherwise simple rip, just makes things even funnier. THIS RIP WAS MADE BY TEETH GANG was indeed made by teeth gang, and through the simple combination of the three different rabbitholes its made up of that I chose to explore, its now become a rip I'll never be able to forget.

[blubushie]

Warning for trauma shit. This is pure vent and contains (a lot of) mention of CSA.

Fucking hate getting a Google Drive folder from an investigator and he goes "hey can you ID if any of these are you so we can add them to the charges, each one is gonna be an additional count for possession" and I have to meticulously analyse an out-of-focus wall to see if I recognise the fucking wallpaper.

He sent me 19 images. 12 were titled "[trigger-word]boy[number]". All of those twelve were me as a preteen--with me cropped out of course, but I know those walls. There were two more I couldn't ID as me or not because the shade of wall was right but the image was so out-of-focus I couldn't tell if that was actually the wallpaper of the caravan I grew up in or not.

Y'know how fucking disturbing it is to find out someone you've never met before has a fucking picture of you that you can't remember ever being taken, but you know those eyes, and you know those buck teeth, and you know that jaw, and that scar over your eye you can barely see if the light catches it just right, and you know that's you? And not just that, but there's a total of 26 pieces of media of you as a kid that he had in his possession, 5 of which are explicit and one of those five is the full 2-hour and 27-minute video of the torture you endured at twelve fucking years old that still haunts you when you try to sleep at night.

These are pieces of my life--ten years old and smiling, eleven and laughing, my twelfth birthday and the cake Mum made, the day my parents brought me to the Kangaroo Sanctuary in Alice Springs, two of me playing baseball, one up at bat and the other mid-pitch, the first time I ever sat on a horse, I'm nine years old and missing my two right front teeth because I tripped into the sink when I got up late one night to piss and took them both out at the same time. Little snippets of my life and growing up through the years that're tainted because I know this man who I've never met knows far more about my life than I know about his.

64 counts for possession. 26 of which are me. Jesus fucking Christ.

Just when I think it's behind me, somehow it comes back to rear its ugly head. Like my past is haunting me with the knowledge I'll never be rid of it. We're always gonna find one more, and we'll chuck the book at him but then we'll find out he sent it to a dozen different other bastards we can't identify, and tracing it is hopeless. It's out there. It'll always be out there. There's no escaping it. There's no outrunning your past when it runs at 100mbps.

I'm going to walk into that courtroom, and he'll recognise me--same eyes, same split chin, grown into my teeth but the scars are still there--and I won't know him from Adam. He'll know what I look like stripped down to skin--not how I look now, but how I looked a decade ago, yeah.

He'll recognise me. I hope he never forgets my face. Hope he sees it when he rots in a fucking gaol cell for however long they put him away for. I hope it haunts his memory at night the way it's haunted mine all these years.

[fallish]

i will absoluely take this baton, thank you for tagging @fairlylokai 🥰

1 ) do you make your bed? the truth is i tried for a while and i still do try occasionally but a majority of the time it ends up with me sleeping on top of a comforter because my brain cant put together the effort to pull it back and actually get in. im going to go with no (despite the state of my very made bed that i am currently sitting on at the time of this post)

2 ) what's your favourite number? two-way tie between 58 and 87. iykyk ;)

3 ) what is your job? im a software developer, its kinda a boring title but im getting good at it!

4 ) If you could go back to school would you? it really depends on the day you ask me this one. like generally? fuck no, it was hell on my adhd. on a particularly self destructive day? yeah and i might finish a college application before deciding to sleep on any major life decisions (and then i wont do it! 10pm rule that shit!)

5 ) can you parallel park? yes! i used to be the only one of my friends who could but i live on a street with only parallel parking and i think theyre getting better at it :D

6 ) a job you had that would surprise people? i used to be a camp counselor for one summer! everyone used to always tell me id be bad with kids because i didnt really like them, and i actually tried failing this interview but i guess they needed people, so i got the job. i got on swell with the kids! uh. not so much with the other adults tho. i accidentally made the ice tea spiked at the end of the summer and needless to say i was not invited back. i look back on it fondly :)

7 ) do you think aliens are real? of course. its unthinkable that humans are the only ones around in the whole universe. as they say, life finds a way

8 ) can you drive a manual car? nope. dated a guy who did once, and im ngl i was kinda into it, but i never learned myself.

9 ) what's your guilty pleasure? k pop photo cards 🙈 while I agree that guilt is for the weak, I do think I spend an unreasonable amount of money on those

10 ) tattoos? not yet, but ive got plans. my mom is super against them so while im at home, i cant. when i move out tho, i really want to get a set of wings in honor of ffvii (the first video game i finished)

11 ) favourite colour? i like yellow, like the mustardy kind but im partial to green and black

12 ) favourite type of music? i spend a lot of my attention on the punk/rock so like fall out boy and mayday parade and i listen to a lot of indie shit like glass animals and basement punk like the front bottoms and mobo, and recently im into kpop, particularly zerobaseone. also! i suspenct that no matter what, if i like the rhythm of the rap put in front of me, its highly likely ill enjoy it

13 ) do you like puzzles? i like puzzles so much i made it my job! one could absolutely say i like puzzles lol, me and my sister used to do them a lot and for her last birthday i got her a 10 pack.

14 ) any phobias? im not fond of men with raised voices, but on a lighter note, i wont go more than 5 feet into the ocean because i grew up in jersey on movies like jaws that made me wuite scared of shark attacks

15 ) favourite childhood sport? i uh didnt play sports 🫡 i liked watching hockey though and i still watch nhl hockey now! so that might count?

16 ) do you talk to yourself? oh yeah. all the time. i cant do tasks if i dont talk myself through them. it might not be out loud all the time (i respect public spaces and the quiet associated with them) but theres a constant running monologue i promise.

17 ) what movie(s) do you adore? cheesy answer but i LOVE inception its one of my all time top 5 movies i could watch it in any mood and it would amaze me.

18 ) coffee or tea? i like both, i prefer tea, but im not allowing myself to have either right now. im trying to get myself off of caffeine again because i recently started going back to work and drinking more coffee and what do you know? my migraines made a comeback

19 ) first thing you wanted to be growing up? i wanted to be a famous singer, and sometimes i still want to make music but i dont know, i guess it got away from me at some point. i still make little singing audios and send them to my friends and my mom always says i have a nice voice so the dream stays alive :)

thanks again for tagging! im going to tag @doomcannotbethisadorable @alittlebitofrainbyyourside @sherlockholmeson and anyone who wants to do participate!!

[pwblogarchive]

May 2007

May 4, 2007

ryan ross lives in my house right now.

had a falling out with myself.

we just dont speak so much anymore.

theres nobody carrying weight.

nobody with hART and sole.

im sick but theres no hospital to fix this kind of thing.

i day dream at night.

i call em all in the air.

sometimes i get it right.

the things i keep inside are worth double the ones anyone knows about.

almost caught a break, but im pretty sure it was a bad throw.

youre always getting caught, so am i.

i guess we are into the same kind of things.

posted by xo at 7:35 PM

May 6, 2007

i like blowing out other peoples birthday candles and stealing their wishes.

days inn- kind of has a different meaning when its days INside my head.

shut my eyes to keep the world out.

who have you become vs. who you are supposed to be.

been shittalking so much with people who are asleep on the inside.

their veins are pumping blood but their hearts just arent in it.

they blow over legal limits and their organs have put in their two weeks notice.

sometimes i write to keep the world out.

but most of the time i write to keep my world inside.

you have no idea what i do while you sleep.

im having a 2/3rd life crisis.

i got boring.

somewhere along the way.

where the wild things are turned into where the wilde things are.

i have played russian roulette exactly once in my life.

it was the single worst thing i have ever done in my life.

it doesnt matter what the proportions are on the girl to my direct right.

or the way her heart flutters faster than a hummingbird.

just the way she looks at me sometimes.

everything about me hangs on that....

on another note, sometimes the best nights all rest on winds and conversations you have in them.

thanks.

posted by xo at 6:31 PM

May 10, 2007

“fucking nuts.”

i dont care where our heads lie,

as long as yours is close to mine.

posted by xo at 3:46 AM

May 12, 2007

"i can hardly stand living but im afraid to die"

semisweet shadows lit in backrooms

would taste if they were baked into you

lost in my head

my gut has always been my compass

but lately ive been heaving it into gutters

and toilets

sex on tile floors next to bathroom sinks

fuck to forget fuck to remember

you smell of a grove of trees my family drove past for years when i was younger

its like a fortune cookie i opened 17 years early

or a palm reader that was set like a backdated check to age 27

i wouldnt dare say these words aloud as i fear they would set off a chemical reaction within me or you

or that they would come across like a foreign language straining for meaning

i feel like i have snapped awake out of a coma like in a bad movie

i want to get under your skin and its not just a metaphor mostly

your eyelashes kiss off everything i say except in the way that it only makes me dream

informercial love affair

you hair tipped blonde crashing on black roots

or at least thats the plan

if there ever is one

its like science but one i dont understand

turned in my badge and gun as far as anyone ever understanding me is concerned.

i like standing in the rain.

i like showing up late.

i like going home early.

i like having a short fuse.

truly.

i like the madness.

i am in love with it.

the shows have made me realize that there is no other reason for me to be on this planet besides connecting with you.

thank you for that.

you have never let me down.

i am magnetized to everything you do.

and you is you who is reading this.

you are concrete and boomerangs and everything i can count on.

thank you for that.

when my back feels like breaking. or my stomch feels like heav ing or my eyes feel like raining i will think of that.

goodnight.

remember this is real.

even when your head is spinning and your heart is fluttering.

we are on the inside.

the cage spins the bird free.

dont for a second think i have forgotten you or the way you make me smile on gray days or in stormyh weather.

posted by xo at 11:19 PM

Thursday, May 10, 2007

fucking nuts.

i dont care where our heads lie,

as long as yours is close to mine.

posted by xo at 3:46 AM

May 13, 2007

“ground control to major tom…”

i can see that it kind of makes em sick in the pits of their stomachs when i smile.

or when i dont smile.

like they want it to impact but be forgotten.

im not sure you know how i was strung out but on something else.

how someone made you heavier and lighter all at once.

chaos in a wink of the eye.

and how its brushed off by something beyond it- that only speaks in whispers in crowded rooms- who only speaks of backyards and dog days. who only wants to drive south. who you wouldnt believe if i told you.

what if i said its all in reverse-

iamalonewhentheyflyyououtofmylifelikeamothinforcedflightawayfromthelight.

the things that broke me down years ago are just a shrug now.

a thumb and two fingers in.

i feel like a penny turned up the wrong way.

put me in the bowl in front of the register anyway.

let me change someones day.

posted by xo at 11:17 PM

May 17, 2007

“and”

if my conscience is a cricket then my heart is a wasp.

posted by xo at 12:20 AM

May 17, 2007

“semisweet shadows lit in backrooms”

would taste if they were baked into you

lost in my head

my gut has always been my compass

but lately ive been heaving it into gutters

and toilets

sex on tile floors next to bathroom sinks

fuck to forget fuck to remember

you smell of a grove of trees my family drove past for years when i was younger

its like a fortune cookie i opened 17 years early

or a palm reader that was set like a backdated check to age 27

i wouldnt dare say these words aloud as i fear they would set off a chemical reaction within me or you

or that they would come across like a foreign language straining for meaning

i feel like i have snapped awake out of a coma like in a bad movie

i want to get under your skin and its not just a metaphor mostly

your eyelashes kiss off everything i say except in the way that it only makes me dream

informercial love affair

you hair tipped blonde crashing on black roots

or at least thats the plan

if there ever is one

its like science but one i dont understand

turned in my badge and gun as far as anyone ever understanding me is concerned.

i like standing in the rain.

i like showing up late.

i like going home early.

i like having a short fuse.

truly.

i like the madness.

i am in love with it.

the shows have made me realize that there is no other reason for me to be on this planet besides connecting with you.

thank you for that.

you have never let me down.

i am magnetized to everything you do.

and you is you who is reading this.

you are concrete and boomerangs and everything i can count on.

thank you for that.

when my back feels like breaking. or my stomch feels like heav ing or my eyes feel like raining i will think of that.

goodnight.

remember this is real.

even when your head is spinning and your heart is fluttering.

we are on the inside.

the cage spins the bird free.

dont for a second think i have forgotten you or the way you make me smile on gray days or in stormyh weather.

god been thinking. its been awhile since ive done that.

except for "here and there"s

sick of all the speculation.

this means that, that means this.

this is really the only place i can speak to anyone without people in glass towers watching me.

commenting.

so thank you for that.

id do anything to keep this going forever.

even in my head when i wanted to be blown off this fucking planet i still hoped that little blue record kept spinning in your room.

the reason you havent seen a video of fall out boy on fuse is because of corporate litigation.

the same reasons for half of what makes this all feel like its falling apart.

we only did cribs because we thought it was funny. hopefully you are in on the joke. we rented fake cars, like ferraris and just goofed around the whole time.

didnt even know how to open the doors.

not sure if our sense of humor is gonna come across or whether it will be mtvified.

my best friend is a dog.

sometimes i miss being down all the time like it was a close friend that moved away.

but sometimes the inside of my head and my heart and my stomach all meet up into this wretched combination.

i just want to let myself be happy.

id give anything to not give up on this.

take care. sleep safe. i will write more when it comes to me.

May 20, 2007

i actually know someone whos middle name is danger

a cayahoga falling out. class four class five. id still take em. letters all over printed on every piece of luggage ever. you think you found gold every single time. she is the call just before the street lights go out. she is the minute before the alarm goes off. slurring and purring just like and engine or a cat after hes had a fifth. sometimes i hope i dont wake up, sometimes im scared that i wont. its funny how that scale works. its like our lady of justice peeking under the blindfold. if i could keep you still long enough id slip a rope around your finger or maybe even a silver band. detox to retox. hope and hype are just a letter off. sometimes, i try and forget that.

posted by xo at 12:03 PM

May 24, 2007

10 years at sea for one day on shore.

"And I can deal with some psychic pain

If it'll slow down my higher brain

Veins full of disappearing ink

Vomiting in your kitchen sink"

i can kind of see this thing going a couple of different ways. the screen pressed close against the side of my face. ear to the speaker cause i have smashed all the others that project the songs inside this stupid box. my face this close to the keys, taunting me. "i can do whatever i want"s, "i can eat my dinner in a fancy restraunt"s. there is no semblance of meaning. ice cold blue lips, vocal chords and toungue in the back of my head with everything i wish i could say. the tip of the iceberg of a credit check on the emotionally bankrupt. curse phone service or rejoice in it depending on which end of the line we are on. looking for the last life jacket on this sinking ship called life. throw your "overdramatic"s out the window. throw your "old you"s in your fucking face. i get it it. i got it. i gut it. the sun sets and rises on the same old mood. the world has become a dangerous place to me- in my head and outside of it. cant seem to shake it. all roads lead back nowhere. the wilderness of the inside of your brain- which seems to drive your body whenever your heart or crotch is not at the helm. i feel like a slow motion replay of a crash that never happened. wanted to be an anthem not an away message. most of the time dont want to be anything at all. when you are alone is when you audit yourself. you become who you truly are. or arent. there arent any cliffs to throw yourself upon and theres no romance in just: me.

last year i made a list of songs to listen to in the dark when you are all alone. i figured i would do the same again:

donny hathaway "a song for you"

eliott smith " a fond farewell"

the chemical brothers "close your eyes"

damien rice "9 crimes"

beck "lost cause"

beth hart "leave the light on"

the smashing pumpkins "ava adore"

david bowie "space oddity"

iron and wine "such great heights"

stevie wonder "they wont go"

saves the day "hold"

bjork "hyperballad"

bright eyes "coat check dream song"

prince "nothing compares 2 u"

the supremes "where did our love go"

ben folds "the luckiest"

jeff buckley "hallelujah"

i said "i kind of wish i was a pirate"

and she replied "you pretty much are"

how could i not love that?

May 25, 2007

everyone

is either full of diet pills or shit.

and usually its both.

May 30, 2007

“what has this become?”

a question only countered in some monster movie madness.

sometimes spewed out just before the

signal down.

the wizard of oz in reverse.

from color to black and white.

i am completely obsessed with everyone who is completely unobsessed with me.

or sometimes with life.

and by life i dont mean heartbeats and breathing.

i mean 9 to fives and becoming the suburbs.

the complete fuck off of it all being that i am completely obsessed with backyards, christmas trees and lemonaid stands.

its like the northshore is my heaven, the valley is my golden gates.

excuse mne for nodding off.

always boring myself to death.

take a chill pill.

the story of my life

the unauthorized biography written by myself.

i dont even remember saying goodbye to you.

happiness is the sand in the sea.

its just a percentage of a percentage inside a body of water,

life is just a crocodile with a ticking clock inside of it chasing captain hook.

its just i havent figured out this graceful aging thing so well yet.

im sorry baby. my heart is clumsy. but i love you in a holding your hair back kind of way.

just wanna dip my toe into death to see if its a warm bath.

anytime anything breaks me open ever i just spit out a fortune.

if it means anything i spend my time with a bunch of people who ignore the vibrant sky and just look for the pot of gold at the end.

addicted to addiction.

curiosity killed the cat. but what the fuck did loyalty ever get the dog.

May 31, 2007

"i dont believe...." anymore.

i have no words.

posted by xo at 5:47 PM

[ohchosen]

GET TO KNOW THE WRITER - VAL EDITION !

what  made  you  pick  up  the  current  muse(s)  you  have?   i  first  played  ffxv  back  in  the  fall  of  2017  and  fell  head  over  heels  in  love  with  the  game.  to  this  day  i  don’t  think  there’s  ever  been  a  cast  of  characters  that’s  had  such  a  lasting  impact  on  me  as  the  boys  have,  and  at  this  point  ever  will.  i  actually  first  started  off  writing  prompto,  sometime  in  early  2018  and  shortly  thereafter  kind  of  fizzled  out  of  that  because  i  was  new  and  super  shy  and  didn’t  really  know  anyone  in  the  community.  i  was  around  18/19  then  and  actually  took  a  break  from  tumblr  for  a  little  while,  but  always  kept  in  touch  with  the  xv  community  on  twitter/instagram  so  the  love  i  had  never  went  away.  fast  forward  to  2020  and  after  replaying  the  game  i  decided  to  pick  up  noctis  who  at  that  point  had  been  my  end  all  comfort  character  for  a  few  years.  he very quickly became my little pincushion and then unintentionally a processing tool i used to process a lot of issues in my own life. i notice  a  lot  of  nuance  in  my  old  notes  and  ramblings  that  100%  reflect  my  struggles  at that  time and its like huh! wow! didnt know it did that. regardless, noctis is the muse i hold most dearly to my heart and someone i will love for the rest of my life. < he 3

is  there  anything  you  don’t  like  to  write?  ive  seen  it  all  brother.  i  can  be  convinced  with  one  skimmed  over  ao3  tag  and  then  some.  regardless,  i  don’t  have  any  hard  no’s  that  aren’t  the  incredibly  obvious,  and  i  think  rp  is  a  great  way  to  develop  and  analyze  your  likes  and  dislikes  in  a  safe  environment.  it’s  okay  to  be  into  something  in  one  thread  and  then  change  your  mind  later,  that’s  something  i  had  to  learn  the  long  way  but  i'm  better  off  for  it!

is  there  anything  you  really  enjoy  writing?  i  really  love  angst.  not  sure  what  happened  developmentally  to  get  here  but  we’re  here.  i  think  that  shows  a  lot  in  my  preferred  range  of  media  i  write  in  (or  just  consume  casually,)  there’s  just  a  certain….  je  ne  sai  quoi  🤌  in  writing  your  character  going  through  the  absolute  extremes  of  the  human  experience.  besides  that,  i  really  go  crazy  with  character  analysis/general  meta.  i  love  to  deep  dive  into  mundane  (or  otherwise)  aspects  of  a  character  and  build  up  traits  to  fully  flesh  out  a  muse. 

do  you  write  in  silence  or  do  you  play  music?  i  need  complete  silence  or  i  will  literally  never  finish  a  sentence.  i  am  way  too  scatterbrained  to  focus  on  two  things  at  once  and  need  to  lock  the  fuck  in  when  i’m  writing  a  reply. 

do  you  plan  your  replies  or  wing  them?  who  do  i  look  like  shakespeare.  i’ve  never  planned  out  a  thing  in  my  life  im  consistently  operating  strictly  off  vibes. 

do  you  enjoy  shipping?  im  a  dirty  little  shipping  whore. shipping is god's gift to the planet what else would i do if not daydream about my two little guys passionately kissing in a field of wheat.

what’s  your  alias/name?  val  :3  my  psn  tag  is  a  variant  of  valkyrie,  and  after  i  was  tired  of  my  old  alias  i  looked  there  for  inspiration.  say  thank  you  god  of  war  (2018)  for  shooting  me  into  another  norse  mythology  frenzy,  feels  just  like  middle  school. 

age  &  birthday?  my  golden  birthday  is  this  july  (25th)!!!  ((mild  existential  dread))

favorite  color?   green,  brown,  black  and  purple❗️

favorite  song?  recently  rediscovered  since  u  been  gone  by  kelly  clarkson.  having  daily  religious  experiences  for  it. 

last  movie  you  watched?  lord  i  have  no  idea.  i  don’t  watch  too  many  movies  and  the  last  one  i  can  place  is  catching  the  second  half  of  47  meters  down  when  i  was  having  dinner  with  my  dad  a  few  weeks  ago.  yay  sharks.  and  mandy  moore!!!!

last  show  you  watched?  i  love  a  good  netflix  documentary  and  i  just  finished  one  called  the  program:  cons,  cults  and  kidnapping,  which  was  about  exposing  the  troubled  teen  industry.  it’s  a  super  interesting  watch  but  deals  with  quite  a  few  heavy  topics  so  if  you’re  interested  please  heed  caution!   i  also  just  started  american  nightmare,  but  im  only  about  30-ish  minutes  into  the  first  episode….  gotta  lock  in. 

last  song  you  listened  to?  according  to  spotify  it  was  safari  song  by  greta  van  fleet  but  according  to  the  fortnite  festival  session  i  just  had  it  was  carry  on  my  wayward  son  by  kansas.  literal  war  flashbacks. 

favourite  food?   dude  there’s  this  fucking  sandwich  place  by  my  house  and  they  literally  make  the  best  chicken  sandwich  i’ve  ever  had.  imagine  grilled  chicken  on  a  brioche  bun  w  cheddar,  bacon,  a  corn  salsa  and  slathered  in  chili  aioli.  walk  with  me.  it  sounds  wack  but  it’s  SO  GOOD.  i  dream  about  her…

favorite  season?  i  love  winter  i  love  being  cold  and  tucked  into  my  electric  blanket  listening  to  the  rain  outside.  all  of  you  summertime  elitists  need  to  get  off  my  lawn. 

do  you  have  a  tumblr  best  friend?   i  have  my  gaggle  of  tumblr  friends  turned  irl  friends  in  my  pockets  at  all  time  and  i  wouldn’t  trade  any  of  them  for  the  world.  i  met  one  of  my  oldest  friends  in  ye  olde  supernatural  rp  back  in  2013?  and  over  ten  years  later  WE’RE  STILL  FUCKING  HERE.  so  many  of  the  most  important  people  in  my  life  i’ve  met  through  tumblr and the amount of shit we've seen through the rpc's we've been in has bonded us all for eternity lmfao.

tagged by: @13nth thank u tea my love :* tagging: my homies @sherez @tactition @liegacy + anyone who's interested :3