#and its just really got me excited about photography again

[bisexualadamparrish]

🌊☁️💙 summer shades of blue

[sosa2imagines]

You, me and Vegas! Part 10

Warning- fluff, fun and trying to figure out.

The days were ticking away, the deadline for their annulment drawing closer. Bucky tried not to think about it too much, but it was impossible to ignore the looming date entirely.

Peach, on the other hand, seemed determined to make the most out of the time they had left together. She was cheerful, her usual self, but Bucky noticed small things, a slight edge in her smile, a hint of sadness in her eyes, when she thought he wasn't looking.

Each passing day felt heavier than the last. Bucky found himself watching her more closely, studying the way she moved, the way she talked, the expressions that crossed her face. He was storing these moments away, a strange sense of nostalgia already setting in.

Meanwhile, Peach would lay in bed at nights, staring up at the ceiling. She had been having trouble sleeping, her mind refusing to switch off. One thought kept circling around and around in her head. Why did she care so much about Bucky?

Sure, he was handsome, and he was nice, and he made her laugh, but there was something else there, something she couldn't quite put her finger on.

She tossed and turned, trying to analyze her feelings, figure out where this sudden attachment to Bucky had come from. Deep down she knew what it was, but didn't dare to dwell on it.

It was a day before their annulment date. Peach walked over to Bucky, holding a small gift box in her hands. She had a grin on her face, her eyes sparkling with excitement.

“I got you something...” she announced, holding up the box.

Bucky, who had been sitting on the couch, looked up in surprise. “You got me something?” he repeated, already reaching out to take the box from her.

Peach nodded, practically bouncing on her toes as she waited for him to open the box. She had been planning this gift for a while, and she was eager to see his reaction.

Bucky, a little amused by her excitement, opened the box with a curious expression. Inside, he found a collection of his favorite candy bars, neatly arranged and tied with a red ribbon.

Bucky carefully pulled out the contents of the box. His eyes widened when he saw what was hidden underneath the candy bars, a new camera.

He looked up at Peach, his surprise evident. “You remembered?” he asked, his voice slightly hoarse.

Peach smiled, her expression turning a little smug. “Of course I remembered!!!” she replied, feeling pleased. “You've talked about your love for photography a lot. I figured you could use an upgrade.”

Bucky's fingers ran lightly over the camera, his expression thoughtful. He was silent for a moment, then he looked up at her again, his gaze holding hers.

“Thank you.” he said, his voice softer. He held her gaze for a moment longer, a silent conversation passing between them.

He wasn't just thanking her for the gift, he was thanking her for the thought, for the fact that she'd listened to him, remembered something so tiny yet so important to him. For making him feel seen, cared for.

Peach felt a warm glow spreading in her chest at his words. She had been worried that the gift might be too much, too personal. But seeing the look on his face, the sincere appreciation in his eyes, told her she'd made the right decision.

Bucky carefully set the camera back in its box, handling it with almost reverent care. “This is...I really don't know what to say, Peach...” he admitted, his voice slightly gruff. “It's perfect.”

“You need to try it out,” Peach insisted, gesturing towards the camera. “Go on, give it a shot.”

Bucky chuckled at her insistence. “Now?” he asked, still holding the box. “You want me to take a picture right now?”

Peach nodded enthusiastically. “Yes, now!” she said, her voice eager. “I want to see what sort of shots you can take with this thing.”

Bucky couldn't help but smile at her enthusiasm. He carefully set the box down on the coffee table and picked up the camera, turning it over in his hands.

“Okay, okay,” he said, half-laughing, half-sighing. “What should I take a picture of?”

Peach thought for a moment, then smirked. “Me!” she declared, striking a pose. “Take a picture of me!”

Bucky raised an eyebrow, a smile toying on his lips. “Demanding, aren't you?” he teased, raising the camera to look through the lens.

Peach laughed, still in her pose. “You love it.” she retorted, her eyes sparkling with mischief.

Bucky chuckled and pressed his finger on the shutter, capturing her in the middle of her laughter.

He lowered the camera, looking at the preview of the picture. It captured her perfectly, mid-laugh, eyes bright, a wide smile on her face. He couldn't help being impressed by the camera's quality. But most importantly, Peach.

“You look...happy,” he said quietly, looking up from the camera to her. “Really happy.”

Peach moved closer, looking at the picture on the preview screen as well. “What can I say?” she said, her voice light. “You bring out the best in me.”

Bucky's heart gave a strange lurch in his chest at her words. He felt a pang of some emotion he couldn't quite name, and for a second, he faltered. Then he masked it with a smile, clearing his throat.

“It's a good pic...” he said, forcing his tone to be light. “Should we take another one, just in case? You know, to test the camera's capabilities.”

Peach had taken off, a laugh escaping her lips. “Catch me if you can!” she called over her shoulder, her feet already pounding on the hardwood floors.

Bucky stared after her for a split second, surprised, then broke into a smile. He quickly set the camera back on the table and started after her. His long legs took him quickly into a run.

“You're faster than I expected.” Bucky called after her, his voice carrying a hint of laughter.

Peach just laughed back, darting around a corner. She had chosen a game she was confident she could win, after all, she was smaller than Bucky. Her heart was racing, but it was as much from Bucky's proximity as it was from the chase.

Bucky chased her through the apartment, dodging furniture and door frames. He was gaining on her, but she was elusive, always just out of reach. His heart was beating fast, his breaths coming out short and sharp, but he was having fun. More fun than he remembered having in a long time.

Bucky finally caught up to her in the living room, grabbing her around the waist and sending them both tumbling onto the carpet in a tangle of limbs. They hit the floor with an oomph, Bucky landing on top of her.

“Got you…” he panted, looking down at her, a grin on his face.

Peach laughed breathlessly, looking up at him. “You cheated!” she accused, her voice half-playful, half-serious.

Bucky smirked down at her, his face only a few inches away from hers. He was fully pinned her down, his hands on each side of her, his body caging hers. They were both panting heavily, their hearts racing.

Bucky suddenly became aware of their positioning, him on top of her, trapping her beneath him, their faces so close together he could count her eyelashes if he wanted to. It was a rather intimate position, and it suddenly felt like the air had thickened around them.

Peach could feel the sudden shift in the air as well. She was suddenly very conscious of how close they were, of the weight and warmth of Bucky's body above hers, of his hands on her sides, pinning her down.

She swallowed, looking up at him, her breath catching in her chest.

Her eyes met his, her breath growing more ragged. Bucky was staring down at her intently, his gaze searching hers, as if trying to figure her out. The space between them felt charged, almost electric, and Peach had the strangest urge to reach up and touch his face.

But then he moved slightly, shifting his weight a little, and she stifled a gasp as his leg ended up between hers. The small action sent a jolt through her body, and she found herself holding her breath, praying he wouldn't notice.

But of course, Bucky was observant. He looked down at her, a small smile on his lips. He clearly had felt the shiver that had gone through her body, and he was aware of the effect he was having on her.

“Breathe, Peach...” he said teasingly, his voice deep and slightly hoarse. “You're turning red.”

Peach mentally cursed her body's reactions. She could feel the heat on her cheeks, she knew she was blushing. She tried to compose herself, tried to come up with a snarky retort, but her mind was empty, her thoughts scattered.

“I…I���m...” she managed to mutter, her voice uneven.

Bucky leaned down, his face hovering just over hers. He was so close now, their lips only a handful of inches apart. Peach could feel his breath against her skin, could feel the heat radiating off his body.

Her heart was pounding in her chest, her lips parted involuntarily. She found herself watching his lips, wondering what it would feel like to have them pressed against hers.

Bucky's gaze was intense, his eyes drifting from her eyes to her lips and back again. He looked as if he was fighting with himself, trying to hold back.

“Peach...” he murmured, his voice a low, rough whisper. It was as if he wanted to say something but couldn't quite get the words out.

Peach watched him, her heart fluttering in her chest. There was a strange tension between them now, almost like a tangible force, pulling them together.

Her eyes flickered down to his lips, then back up to his eyes, and she felt the strangest urge to close that small, maddening gap between them.

Just when their lips were so close, they were almost touching, the sharp ring of the doorbell shattered the silence.

Bucky started, pulling back slightly as if snapped out of a trance. He looked down at Peach beneath him, confusion and disappointment on his face. She mirrored his expression, her heart still racing from the almost-kiss, her body still charged with the electric tension.

The doorbell rang again, insistent and impatient. Bucky took a deep breath, rolling off Peach and getting to his feet awkwardly. He ran a hand through his hair, his eyes still on her, a multitude of emotions in his gaze.

“I should...I should get that.” he said after a moment, his voice oddly thick.

As Bucky opened the door, he stared at his parents in surprise. He hadn't been expecting them, or anyone for that matter. They looked equally surprised to see him, but their gaze quickly shifted behind him, to a spot just out of his vision.

Bucky glanced over his shoulder and saw Peach standing there, looking a little disheveled from their earlier game. His parents' gazes were trained on her, clearly wondering who she was and what she was doing here.

Part 9 - Part 11

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[spaceacealex]

Trip report!!

For those that have been waiting, sorry! I got home and immediately had to go help with a family thing. But here it is!

First, was the obvious. We had to drop off the baby boy with my parents. He had a great time with the family and was very dirty, stinky, and sleepy when we got back.

So where were we? We went to see the eclipse! As many of you know, My wife proposed to me under totality in the 2017 solar eclipse. So she surprised me with time off to travel to this last one on 4/8!

We flew to Nashville, TN and rented a car so I could scratch my road trip itch. We visited her family in KY, then went up to Cairo, IL for the event.

THIS is the public library in Cairo. It's an absolutely darling building, built originally to be a library and still proudly serving that purpose. The gals who were manning the counter were sweet, knowledgeable, and so welcoming. They had goodie bags with moon pies and starbursts and collected the eclipse glasses when we were done with them so they could be sterilized and sent down to Mexico for the next eclipse. So lovely to talk with and they welcomed us to spend the eclipse on their lawn with some local families. So we did!

We had a little picnic, chatted with some of the families, and got to watch totality in a tiny little town with so much character I still smile just thinking about it.

Hopefully you don't expect us to have top tier eclipse photography lol, but these are great for us! I got to kiss my wife under totality and it was hella romantic.

Then I got to drive more....then Kara got to drive because there were a ton of accidents and the three hour drive back to Nashville took more than six hours. So uh, my motion-sick self was struggling with the stop and go traffic.

But when we got there, we had a great night and then day walking around Eastside Nashville and pointing out the arcades I was going to take Kara to that evening.

That didn't quite happen.

Because the first stop we made in the arcade crawl is where we stayed all night.

No Quarter, the pinball arcade I now have a hat for because it's so friggin cool. We got to do many cool things there. 1)They had excellent drinks and in true Oregonian fashion I got to try the local cider and judge it. (it was good!) 2) I kicked Kara's ass at pinball. Very important. 3) I got MY ass kicked at pinball by literally every other person in the building. Also very important. Because 4) I got to play in a pinball tournament hosted by Belles and Chimes, specifically for women and non binary folks!

How did I, notorious nerves-haver and not a multiplayer pinball player join this?

5) I got to meet Quinn Hills. You know, @quinnhills ? Yeah. I'm still so giggly about it.

Hi. This pic is me, many drinks in, just absolutely giddy getting to meet (and hug!!) one of my favorite artists.

She's so sweet, so kind, and asked if I wanted to join the tournament.

Remember: do what beautiful women ask of you.

I am still kicking myself because I dropped the cliche, "your music has helped me through some really hard stuff." I mean, its absolutely true!! But I had told myself I was gonna be more eloquent than that. Oh well. I would blame the cider, but I was super excited and nervous before that, so I think I'm just a little goofy.

Kara also was happy to meet the woman who's music I had been blaring for that whole six plus hour car ride back to Nashville, and she's agreed to play pinball with me at our home bar! Major win!

We stayed until one in the morning, Kara ordered pizza to the hotel, and we had safe flights back home the rest of the day.

It was such a fun trip and I'm still losing my mind at all the little bits of it.

When I stream next (soon) I'm sure you'll hear about all this again. Along with my breakdown of eclipse conspiracies I've spent far too much time analyzing. <3

[focusontheheart]

Meet the Team - Bookmancer

You can also find her on: Twitter @ bookmancer_myth IG @ bookmancer_legendarium AO3 @ Bookmancer_Legendarium

Hello, Bookmancer here! I had no idea that when I played the robot dinosaur game, my life would be divided into two phases: before Horizon and after. I discovered Horizon right around its release. I was fascinated by the trailer and captivated by the Tallneck, which is still my favorite machine.   I'm continually awed by the storytelling, visual beauty of Horizon's world, and depth of its characters. HZD actually got me into virtual photography because it’s the first game that really encouraged me to pause, look around, admire the world, and fiddle around with how to capture its beauty. Because I do so much VP, I always like to look at paintings and photos to try and replicate them.  I started in the fandom through VP before indulging in my love of writing to share fanfic - and now this dating game! I’m always awed by other content creators in the Horizon fandom and out. They think of such creative things, and everyone is very encouraging. I'm excited to further explore Seyka's story in FOTH and Horizon 3 and am fascinated by her as a mirror to Aloy's stubborn compassion, but flavored by tribal connections Aloy only just made through her found family. But for the near future, I want to write more deep-dives into the psyche of the characters, their hopes and insecurities, and how they play off of each other. I’d also like to draw more and take more shippy VP!

See the Q&A with Bookmancer below the cut!

Q: What is a favorite piece of work you've done (i.e. completed, working on, in concept)?

I've written some fanfic for Horizon - some published that I really like and actually came out how I wanted to, and some that's still living in my brain and I have to pay its rent in the form of chanting "I should write this already…" But I'm pleased with my fic "who can take my hand in the flood?" and want to write more of the ever-growing GAIA Gang being happy and healing. I’m working on a Seyloy fic of her getting welcomed into the gang.

Q: What are some of your favorite tropes to write, draw, or read?

I love friends to lovers! Also, star-crossed lovers, opposites attract, fish out of water, rivals learning more about each other and coming to a powerful understanding, and bodyguard AUs.

Q: What is an unexpected thing or fun fact about you?

I've got a language learning club going with some friends so we can pool resources and offer encouragement. I love learning about absolutely anything, and I'm getting into crocheting. Outside of FOTH writing, I write fanfic for various fandoms. I do a ton of VP and it's probably doubled my playtime in HFW. I love swimming, and I can only whistle by inhaling, not exhaling.

Q: What has been your favorite thing about working on this project so far?

I've loved seeing the outpouring of creativity, the fandom uniting for something that's so beloved to so many, and learning a metric Horus-ton about… well, a ton of things! Every day, I'm amazed over and over again, and I'm so thrilled I to get to see this come together up close. Everyone is incredibly talented and inspirational, and every bit of it has been collaborative and uplifting.

[dandyghest]

Taanishi! Hiya! I figured it might be a bit of fun to see some of the process of creating my weird little goober - the sabroonor! (tumblr post, toyhouse page)

I don't know if my process is very interesting, especially with this guy as I somehow managed to lock in on a design that I liked pretty quickly, but I'll try to share what I can!

I started out by making a pinterest board (two, actually, as I initially thought I would do the will-o-the-wisp category ^^;;) and collecting inspiration of some different critters and vibes that matched the theme. There are so many fun desert animals.... I'll have to do some more creature design at some point :c]

The main starting inspiration for this monster was Plains bison! This summer I got to visit Wanuskewin Heritage Park and saw bison in person for the first time (they've recently (2019) been reintroduced back into that area in large part thanks to the efforts of the local indigenous peoples)! Lii bufloo (bison) have an important history with Métis people and other Turtle Island Indigenous peoples, and these animals have been on my mind since the summer.

I've always been interested and awed at the way animals are part of and integral to their ecosystems (including humans!) and the way animals shape their environment, so learning about bison wallows was super exciting and really stuck out to me amongst all the other information I learned. I hope I was able to share some of my excitement using this design!

Here's my initial sketches that I made at the beginning of the month! (along with my first thoughts to a friend about the goober)

After that, I took to my sketchbook to work on the design a little more - I have an easier time sketching traditionally! After figuring out the general idea of the shapes I wanted to use, I switched back to digital and worked on some sketches to really nail down the proportions I wanted to use.

I experimented with some colours, and didn't feel like they worked well - I'd been trying to keep in mind that mammals can't naturally produce certain pigments (or so I've read recently LOL, not entirely sure if it's really true or not!) so I was trying to stick to warmer colours. Eventually I broke out of that rule and tried using some other colours from the Desert Oasis theme image, and turned the tail into a cactus (along with adding flower petals to mimic a cactus flower)!

On the 18th, I worked on the skeletal structure of the guy - taking inspiration from raccoons, bison, and armadillos! I had played around with some skeletal sketches earlier, but none of them really addressed (or worked with) HOW this guy curls up into such a tight ball. Took a little bit of finagling (and reference of this image and this image) but I got there eventually!

(I also figured out the name on this day - I just brainstormed some of my favourite features and what I consider its most distinctive features and put together a name using Michif words that I felt fit together well based on those features.)

After that, it was time for needlefelting! I hadn't felted anything in a couple years (except for a little heart for a doll/plushie I made back in May LOL) so it was a bit touch-and-go for the first day or two, but I was able to pick it back up again without too much issue.

I used the skeleton art to create the right proportions for the wire armature! I've already made a post showing some of the needlefelting process, but feel free to ask questions if you're interested in any of it!

Once the little man was finished (Thursday night), I quickly set up a little makeshift photography shoot outside on Friday afternoon before the sun went down, and put together the images on this lovely website. I'll spare you the tale of the woeful struggles I had trying to get the files to be a manageable size without looking awful LOL, but eventually I got the two gifs made! (This was also my first attempt at making a stop-motion animation, it was super fun to try out! I definitely want to do some more with it at some point ^-^)

I uploaded everything to toyhouse and compiled all the notes I'd made about his design, finishing the submission and handing it in about an hour before they closed ^^;;

Also a little bonus: Sabroonor is pronounced "sah-broon-noor" with a slightly rolled r in "broon". Kiiyaamayow ishaayow is pronounced "kee-YAH-mah-yow ish-SHY-yow" (Southern Michif is written using a phonetics system since it was not a written language until preservation efforts were put into place).

[lollytea]

what (human) social media do you think the hexaquad uses/is on. Because personally I think Luz is weird and bi enough that she would use tumblr and completely commit to the goncharov bit

Luz absolutely uses tumblr as her primary socmed and she has an intimate relationship with the nature of its insanity. She's the one the others ask when they stumble across an utterly incomprehensible meme and Luz will be like "Okay so basically the origin of eeby deeby is--"

She has two blogs. One for art and one for reblogs/fandom/shitposting. She used to have a twitter but she deleted it some time during the Thanks to Them montage because she was dealing with too much bullshit to tolerate the cesspool. She has an Instagram that she uses exclusively for posting art.

Oh and ao3. How could I forget ao3?

I feel like Amity is completely uninterested in human social media. Out of all the kids, she's the only one who didn't really find a specific hobby/interest during her time in gravesfield. She's already got a pensta and she likes how it's tailored for witch society. She'd have no interest in Instagram or twitter or shit like that. BUT she would absolutely go apeshit once she discovers the Good Witch Azura fandom in the Human Realm. (Literally NOBODY back home even knew what those books were.) She doesn't understand the memes and shitposts or general culture but Amity would absolutely have a fandom specific tumblr. She mostly just reblogs from Luz. An ao3 too of course <3

Willow used pensta for general teen reasons like selfies and socializing with her friends before she came to Gravesfield but now that she's developed an interest in photography? Oh that girl's account is gonna get such a glo up. She'd have an Instagram too. She actually becomes pretty popular on both accounts. Not ✨️Influencer✨️ status but she's gained quite a following of humans and witches alike.

I like to imagine that she also has a Pinterest. Idk she strikes me as somebody who'd enjoy collecting aesthetic pics and making boards. For the same reason she also has a tumblr that's mostly aesthetic with the occasional feral little reblog like this thrown in

Gus is a tiktok kid!!! Gus is SUCH a tiktok kid!!! I could also see him having a YouTube channel where he posts deranged little vlogs (in this universe Gus13 does not exist or its after it happened and only adds more fuel to the fire.) A twitch too maybe?? I could see him streaming. Basically I just think Gus would be drawn to all the video-focused social media.

I think he'd have a twitter too where he tweets his insane little thoughts and it actually blows up in popularity because people think it's a parody account.

Also....he would read Wikipedia religiously and eventually get banned from making his own edits.

Ok ok ok ok I think it would be so funny if Hunter got his penstagram account back in ASIAS, got so excited about finally having a regular teen experience but after a year or so once he's become well acquainted with pensta culture he's like "Well. This sucks."

So basically

Back when Hunter got a scroll, he followed Willow and that was that. He never followed anyone else. He has never posted anything. He can't even be convinced to follow any more of his friends. Not even Gus. He has notifications on for when Willow posts. He pops in to like them and then he fucks off again. People have forgotten that Hunter even has an account.

But when it comes to human socmed OHHHHH....

I want to say he has a devianart. But I'm not sure because I'm pretty sure that devianart is a husk of its former self. So he probably just has a tumblr. Hunter has not yet learned that you can make seperate blogs for all your different interests so his blog is a cluttered mess of his whole autistic self Cosmic Frontier brainrot, wolves, anime, the occasional embroidery pics that Willow tags him in.

Also he would be on neopets.

BONUS CHARACTERS:

Camila is on Facebook and Instagram. Also after the events of the series she gradually begins to rediscover the Cosmic Frontier message boards she used to frequent back when Manny was still alive. They brought back memories of her grief for the longest time but she's beginning to once again embrace her love for the series. She's even reconnected with some old online friends <3

Vee would have all the Normal Human Teenage Girl Social Media. She mostly uses twitter, Instagram and Pinterest. She also stays active on Facebook just to like her mom's posts.

Mattholomule would use reddit. Don't disagree with me I'm right.

[zip-toonz]

if u have ANYTHING to say abt trevor (either your interpretation, anyone else's, or just plain old canon trevs) id LOVE to hear abt it...i care abt him soooo much trevor fans make some noise ‼️

I HAVE MANY THINGS TO SAY ABOUT TREVOR WHERE DO I EVEN BEGIN!! First and Foremost I have to say I love your interpretations of the characters! I love reading your head canons and Ideas and I'm honored my stuff inspired you like your work inspires me! (Obsessed with Schrödinger's Trevor). I should draw our Trevors hanging out sometime I think that would be a fun art piece! Also the fanart you made for the PLA au still makes me go crazy /pos

ALRIGHT *cracks my knuckles so hard my bones turn to dust* Trevor time! Read more cause I never shut up about Trevor

Trevor is by far my favorite Pokémon character of all time. I use to spend hours scrounging up any fanart I could find back in like 2013-15. I'm pretty sure he did things to my gender identity. Trevor of Trans your Gender.

He reminds me a lot of one of my other big time blorbos Mary Ann

Something about kids with this hairstyle I guess haha. I think they'd get along though they have similar personalities.

My Interpretation of Trevor!!

My interpretation of Trevor is a weird amalgamation of the game, manga, and anime. And sometimes I have multiple interpretations of him depending. But the one that I have a design for is a solid mix of all. He likes photography and wants to complete the pokedex. Gets really excited seeing Pokémon even if its a Pokémon he's already seen before and yet is very shy when meeting new people. He's only really comfortable with his friends, his sister, and Sycamore (who is effectively his father figure). Very smart but kind of clumsy, he tends to get a little beat up because he focuses in on things and forgets his surroundings. He's not big on battling but he loves studying Pokémon and want's to be a professor when he's older just like Sycamore. He takes photos of pokemon and keeps them in a little scrapbook with help from Shauna. Also he thrifts all his clothes and can never find anything that fits him just right.

Canon Trevor HCs

I tend to have sadder head canons for him due to the lack of parents. I don't think he likes Celebrating his birthday because his parents are never there to celebrate it with him. He has a hard time making friends and is always silently worried his friends will leave him one day. He's scared of getting hurt and so he tends to shut himself off from others involuntarily because he's scared of being abandoned again, and most of the time he only meets new people through the others in his friend group. Sycamore is one of the few adults he trusts.

Because of the manga I like to think he has this sixth sense of snuffing out harmful or dangerous people based on their aura. Lysander makes this kid faint his vibes are so bad. But that's really just for fun rather than anything serious or concrete.

I think he's got a wet paper bag for a stomach and gets queasy very easily. Its possible his anxiety has something to contribute to his health. and he should probably be on some kind of medication to manage it.

I love love love how hes handled in the manga. He's not the coward he thinks he is. He's scared but he's willing to fight for what he believes in. He's willing to stand up for his friends even when he struggles to stand up for himself and its so nice watching him grow.

AUS!!

I have a few aus major with Trevor PLA and REVIVAL are my two major ones but there's also Paldea (a spin off following PLA) and Wondar (My fan region that features him minorly)

Despite both major ones having godly deer screwing him over in one way or another I characterized him differently

In PLA is emotionally dead. He's got no fucks left to give and handles Pokémon with his bare hands. He's exhausted and numb. I don't think I've talk a lot about him and his relationships in PLA but he practically adopted by Laventon, and ends up making good friends with Akari and Rei. When he does return home he finds himself missing them a lot. Also he never wants to see another shinx in his life hes got scars for days from shinx alone. Also theres a Yanmask with a mask of him implying he died before returning home. (Paradoxical nonsense but its meant to represent the part of him that lived in paldea and not the part of him that died if that makes any sense? its like the physical manifestation of the impact he had on the past).

In the Revival au (sometimes lovingly called Revival Rival cause its fun to say) he's physically dead. He's practically a walking corpse with a conscious. His heart barely beats, his skin is cold. A medical anomaly. Xerneas splinters a piece of its power off (so to speak) to bring him back because humans are far more complicated than foliage. Because of this he can understand Pokémon, Flowers grow in his wake, and can revive fainted Pokémon. It seems neat but to him it just further alienates him from his peers and is a responsibility he doesn't want to have to handle. Its overwhelming. He can't stray too far from Xerneas who's is practically his life support. I've jokingly compared it to a soul gem from Madoka where if he strays to far he slows down and then eventually loses consciousness/dies again. Theres a grace radius but he can't really explore places like Lumiose anymore because Xerneas can't/won't follow. Meaning he can't go home. He lingers around smaller towns and forest. When emotinally distressed he loses his ability to control these new powers.

anyway!! enough of me rambling!! if you wanna talk about him more or have follow up questions just ask!! My dms are also open!! I can keep talking about this silly lil guy for ever!

[roseriot2191]

Entry 1/Introductions

hey!

so i really havent used tumblr before really so im not sure if this is the best place for what im doing but regardless im posting it here

~welcome to my blog~

the purpose is to document my life as a whole but its also my senior year so even more reason to record it!

this blog will be my safe space to spill anything, the good and the bad, of my upcoming life. in all honesty im not sure how well ill keep up with posts or how much effort ill end up putting into them but i will try to update at least once a week for sure.

ok so now onto me :)

hello again! im rose, i use he/they pronouns and i am 17. for anyone wonder, which i dont know why but i guess i can just state it to get it out of the way, im a cis queer guy. i use queer as my label because i very much dislike labels for myself lmao. im attracted to men way more often than not but if the right person for me isnt a guy the im not going to let gender/sex get in the way of love and im not sure pansexual really fits the way i feel. queerness ill say is a part of me but not something i identify with as much as i did in middle school. ill make a separate post about this perhaps. (ill mention that my name isnt actually rose irl and its just my pen name for the blog. i have no reason to be secretive really besides to hide my identity from friends, family and people who think they might know me, especially with the topics i might write about, but also i didnt put too much effort into disconnection rose and myself so if youre one of my irl friends, hi :p ) i am a high school student, but i am mostly taking college classes at a community college. im a photo major! photography is a recent thing that i started basically the same time i started college. i sorta took a leap into photo classes and decided that i might as well major in it since ive always been a creative person and since my high school was paying for my tuition. honestly college has been really fun but its school and sometimes i get burnt out really easily which sucks. ill probably talk about this more some other time. i havent really decided on a style of photography that i prefer yet but this fall ill start a portraiture lighting class as well as a color theory class, both im really excited for.

recently ive found myself changing or perhaps growing into a more typical "teenager" recently. this growth is a drastic change from who i was as a kid and that sort of scares me but i think i like the idea of who i can become. i started taking an interest in cars which sort of came out of know where. it might be because i got my license last december and have been driving a lot more but its also rooted in my ex too. (at the begging of this summer i got into a relationship with this guy who was my first everything, and we also ended it in july which hurt hella but again this is a topic for another post later) he was a total car guy and it was something we were bonding over. he would teach/talk about cars and i listened and started to take an actual interest. we went to a few car shows and it was honestly a prefect date/hangout for us because he liked cars of course but i also got to bring my camera and take photos. definitely something i miss doing. my first car was a 2004 honda pilot. it was a manual and i tried learning how to drive it and i got the gist but ended up selling it and getting an automatic 2006 honda pilot lol. this car ive had since february and its lowkey dying now which pisses me. my grandpa was the one who ended up buying it for me which i appreciate very much dont get me wrong but he bought it off these sketchy guys and didnt get it checked out right away for any problems and now im paying extra money in repairs. currently im trying to save for something more "extra" like a mustang or a bmw or honestly an older honda like a prelude or accord, though on my salary as a host in a small restaurant i have barely $4.5k saved and i started work about the same time i got the 06 pilot. i know these cars are a bit on the pricey side but im giving myself till new years to save for something and if i dont find anything by then, ill keep my money in savings for college after i graduate. (that is with the hopes my 06 pilot lasts me through that long :,) )

so yeah. i work as a host at a restaurant. its my first job and i honestly really like it. i get paid $16.50 an hour and i get tipped out by the waitresses on top of that. on average i make about $500 in a pay period which is two weeks. i wish i had more hours but also i dont. i usually use work as an excuse to procrastinate or completely ignore school work which is really self destructive because i convince myself that im productive but in reality i need to be more focused on school. my work ethic is pretty good though i think. i always say yes if someone needs a cover or if i need to come in ealry/on a day off. after the break up i took a bunch of extra shifts and started taking caterings for longer hours and to keep me busy. in the past 2 pay periods i clocked about 50 hours each and made $850 each. this has again been really nice for savings but not for my summer classes. this pay period i had a double catering and i should clock in about 40 ish hours. ill have one more pay period after this one before i will talk to my manager about scheduling me only friday-sunday and see about scheduling me caterings more rather than hosting since i make more that way. theyre pretty good about accommodating hours/days which is really cool but my manager always complains. i feel bad but also i really shouldnt because i need to do better in school first and i already do so much more than what i get paid for honestly so she really doesnt have any reason to say anything. (especially since we just hired 3 new girls after the summer hires left) all my coworkers love me but also everyone shit talks eachother behind their backs so i always wonder if they say anything about me lol. if they are then they should put that energy somewhere else because how are you guys gonna shit talk a 17 year old when you all are 25+???

my music taste is the opposite in regards to changing drastically. i find myself returning to the music i grew up with and even expanding with similar artists. for a quick family overview my step dad who raised me since i was three was/is a tattoo artist and very much in the punk scene. my mom was in the artistic performance and alternative scene. both these adults raised a very punk baby with all the classics and now like i said, after not really interested or listening to music often for awhile, im back to my roots. this is very comforting however when me and my ex were dating he was a big influence in the reintroduction. so do i corrilate some music to him? yes. does it hurt? im not sure. its very confusing but i listen to it on blast regardless and will most likely have hearing problems by the time im 30 T~T a lot of what ive been listening to on repeat is radiohead which was "our band" and i still think it is. im a very sentimental person and cant/wont diconnect these feelings probably ever. i do this a lot. this time though i havent had the urge to stop listening which is a reliefe because i enjoy the music but also because i think itd hurt me if i found hate or sadness in the music rather than the love and bond we once shared through these songs. something ive been considering is posting a song with every post or at the very least at the end of the week. maybe even a playlist at the end of the month? not sure yet. i think music tatse is something that changes with me all the time so its something worth recording here. oh also i def will post cd hauls here too! i have a small collection started but definetely wanna get more.

lets see i dont read often but my favorite books are alice in wonderland, the warden's daughter, they both die at the end, coraline and currently i am reading solitaire by alice oseman. ive read her heartstopper series and have taken a serious interest in tori's story. for my favorite shows i binge watch shows so often and then forget about them just as fast as i watch them lol. i really like soul eater, downtown, daria, the midnight gospel, the walking dead, initial d, madoka magica, and some others i cant think of right now.

hmm~ i cant really think about anything else to write at the moment, plus ive been typing for awhile and should get to bed, so i think ill end it here.

i dont really expect anyone to read this blog in all honesty but its something i wanna do for myself and if a few people take interest or relate to anything i talk about i think thats enough :)

[struggle-but-its-all-ocean-floor]

Overall nothing V has done lately has been exciting to me. But that's okay. There's tons of BTS content I haven't watched.

Yeah same. I'm not really into fashion like that, and I don't think the shoots he has done are anything special. Yes, he is very attractive but I'm not freaking out like I did for the "JK for CK" or Yoongi's as-yet-undefined photos.

And there is sooooo much content, and sometimes ARMY'S are insanely aggressive with everything. As if you're less of a fan if you don't buy every magazine they feature on, or stream their music 24h/7 days a week (oh fuck, now that will be stuck in my brain forever. Again). I haven't really watched the D-Day concerts after the ones they streamed in theatres because I want to experience that with a friend who lives several hours away. And we're adults with jobs. So I feel you.

I was pretty neutral about most of the releases (except D-Day. I was fucking scared I'd hate it because I was expecting too much. And People pt2 wasn't quite living up to People imho. But damn what an album. Literal life changer), but they all just were so GOOD in unexpected ways. I only buy physical copies of the shit I care about, because I don't want to throw parts of my disposable income at stuff I won't ever look at or listen to. SMF pt2 made me order Face on the spot. I yes

Generally, what I want from music is to make me feel something. To fill that hollow void in my soul, be that through anger, love, sadness or joy. I want it to be somewhat interesting in its composition (that's the part of me trained in classical music) which is why I love Vibe or Take Two. Or, like you said, challenge something.

In that regard, Layover is a bit like Tae's photofolio: safe, uncomplicated and mostly an aesthetic.

(I sound so harsh and I'm both sorry and not? Yoongi and Taeyang talked about everyone around you turning into "yes-men". That no one really challenges them because they're famous. So maybe I'll collect some thoughts on...all this...and write a post. If I'm not tired af tonight lol. Adulting is stupid)

I don't think you're being harsh. BTS are artists so criticizing their art is part of taking them seriously as artists and not just mindlessly streaming and consuming their content.

I agree that V's photoshoots weren't to my taste. They're all pretty similar, and he either wears Celine and/or old men clothing. Like, his poses, the photography, the styling, the vibe, are so similar between photoshoots that it's not exciting and V's looks don't do anything for me. Sometimes I think he's so handsome, but most of the time I don't notice it. He's handsome of course, but I'm meh about it.

I also agree that the songs are pretty safe. Jin's debut was pretty safe but it wasn't really a debut, so it doesn't count. RM and Suga didn't really shock me or show a whole new side of theirs with their albums, but RM has been challenging himself and us with his collabs, like Sexy Nukim and Smoke Sprite, and the way he promoted his album was very original and cool; Suga released two fire music videos with great storytelling and branched out a bit musicallly. Of course, J-Hope and Jimin totally surprised everyone with their albums, and Jungkook surprised us for obvious reasons lmao. So far V hasn't surprised me at all, but maybe the tt will? Probably not. I guess we got too used to being shocked haha.

But you said it well that V's album so far feels like an aesthetic, and that's so true for a lot of V's recent projects and that's one of the reasons why it's harder for me to connect with him right now.

Thanks for the ask!

[softjaeyvn]

August 9, 2024 | 1:21am

heyyy,, sooo its been a minute since i last updated my blog and 2023 has been a wild year with a lot of ups and downs, but im not really gonna talk about those stuff tonight.

today and the past few days has been kinda hard for me despite being on break from school. idk if i told you guys but i passed (well, reconsidered) my dream university! ust has always been the dream for me and never in a million years would i have traded it for anything. i was both excited and anxious on moving to schools, the expectations, the new environment, the people, and the overall culture. you can’t imagine the happiness i felt when i got accepted here in ust. many times during the reconsideration process i have felt on giving up but i pursued with it just to get in to my dream university.

now, i’m currently in my senior year of high school (yahoo) and ill soon be graduating ust-shs! ever since i was a kid, i had my eyes on which dream profession i would pursue when i grow up. but lately, i became undecisive on which course i’ll take in college. since i’m really into photography and filming, i kinda wanna take ab communication arts and my friends also adviced me to take ab comm instead of bs tourism since ab comm is more broad when it comes to picking your job in the future and i read that you don’t really have to take bs tourism to become a flight attendant so all roads lead me to ab comm right? but the reason i’m conflicted between these two is because of (1) most of my friends that is my blockmates are leaning towards bs tourism. so if i take ab comm, i would probably have to make new friends again. but there’s also a part of me that wants to distance myself from them since i had trauma with most of my blockmates. mostly because they don’t cooperate much and only do the tasks last minute and i dont like doing last minute works, (2) i researched the subjects from ab comm and bs tourism and compared them from one another. im nervous for thesis writing which ab comm has on 2nd year up until 3rd? i think. anyways, im not really that good in research and my last research took a toll on me bc of how incompetent my groupmates were. one even had the audacity to use chatgpt to search for our theoretical framework AND didn’t show up during the defense day. and lastly (3) my ate graduated from the same course (ab comm) with latin honors (cum laude) and that just makes me want to achieve latin honors too. no one’s really pressuring me to achieve anything and its mostly just me putting pressure on myself to do well so that i can match the efforts and achievements my relatives had. idk but to me, if i don’t achieve something in the course taken by one of my relatives before, i would think i’m not working hard enough and that i’m a failure. if i apply for ab comm then that pressure would be put onto me by myself. i don’t want to become a shadow of one of my relatives that graduated with latin honors just because i enrolled the same course as her and couldn’t match her achievements. all im saying here is that i’m insecure of how smart my family is and im not. they all achieved something in life while im just here. existing.

These conflicts about my course in college just scratch the surface on why i’m ranting right now. since i’m already a senior, i’m entitled to take all the cets from the big 4 universities. upcat was the first among the four that opened its doors for admissions, of course i wouldn’t miss the chance to apply so i did. as i’m writing this, it would only be 1 day left till i take upcat. i’m already getting burnt out because i wasted my time goofing around instead of reviewing for this. i asked for reviewers from my friend that attended a review session today and watched some of its lecture videos then got to answering a mock test. idk what i was honestly expecting what my grade would be but i was surprised that i got only a 30% and that is definitely not good. i know that that’s what i get for not reviewing enough but i was still somehow disappointed with it.

now, this wouldn’t really be a big of a deal for me since i’m only taking the test for added experience, im already thankful that i got accepted in ust. i just think of it as bragging rights for when i do pass. it’s honestly rewarding to see a “congratulations” on the screen and people would immediately think you’re so smart because you passed one of the most hardest to pass cets in the country.

why am i ranting over this? you might ask. ever since i got enrolled here in ust, the tuition fee is not a joke. 50k for one semester, that would equal to 100k for just one school year. now, i know that this is the consequence for enrolling in a prestigious university but the desire to get into my dream university blinded me from these kinds of things. now that i’m in my senior year, the fees increased by 4% and went from 50k to 60.5k for one semester. and that really took a toll in both me and my mom’s finances. we already applied for a voucher from peac since the start of my junior year but it has still yet to be applied so my mom is still paying full installments for my tuition fee. we also recently applied for a scholarship from our local city to try and somehow get discounted prices for my tuition. but, if my application doesn’t get approved, i will probably say goodbye to ust sooner.

When i was still choosing on what university ill go to for shs and college, staying in ust wasn’t really my plan at all. in fact, i thought that i’ll just take shs in ust and then transfer universities after. but that changed when i experienced what it’s like to become a thomasian to the point where i grew fond of the campus and lore and even the people that are just so so friendly and welcoming. i didn’t wanna leave so soon. i don’t want to suddenly leave after just 2 years of staying there. i want ust to become my second-home up until i graduate college.

my mom has been urging me to review and do well for upcat because it’s a state university and doesn’t have tuition fees (they probably still have but lower compared to ust) and given our current financial situation, she badly wants me to pass upcat. but i don’t really see myself in that institution and i just don’t think i have the mental capacity to pass that exam. now, its putting pressure on me because i might lose my chance of staying in ust in college, this might be my last year in ust and being a tomasino; or i might lose my mind if i ever do pass upcat and become an isko for college. i’ve already heard stories from seniors that they got delayed from graduating at up because of how hard it is to study there, and their thesis there are supposedly individual work which just goes back to my rant over me being conflicted with my course to take in ust (i hate research and im scared of thesis).

i honestly would love to study in up but im just being realistic with myself, i may bite more than what i can chew but that doesn’t mean i’m over optimistic to myself. i don’t want to have an expectation brought unto me just because im studying in ust or up. i really do hope i get the chance to stay in ust because i can’t see myself in any other university other than ust. ust has only been my home for a year and it has been a life-long dream to study here. i have yet to experience many thomasian traditions and i don’t wanna leave just yet.

ps: it’s been 2 days since treasure’s 4th anniversary! im really proud of them. i probably wouldn’t be the person i am today if i haven’t met them

[tonycamonte]

school ⬇️

sooo excited for next semester....... have english again with my favourite teacher for the first time since i was a freshman + itll be fun to have him in senior year i think..... cooler novel study selections also i know catcher in the rye is one of the options which is soooo fun i would love 2 write an essay abt it but youre not supposed to do a book youve already read so. sorry holden. anyway i have art studio for the first time (its basically impossible 2 take with french immersion so i havent had the chance til now) + im reallyyyy excited i think itll be fun + its another class thats pretty light on group work which is reallyy choice because my 2 best friends r graduating so im gonna be sort of lonely. ummm i really miss doin art classes i used 2 do a lot of stuff in the city but because of covid i stopped + i kind of stopped like drawing which sucked but i have Ideas for what i wanna do............... eermm then i have 20th c world history which ive been looking forward to for like trhee years so. yippee!!!!! i was sort of. eavesdropping with my eyes on a girl in the lab doin her work for it and i was like wowowow so fun so cool.. and then i have photography + i dunno how i feel about it like i signed up for it but i kind of want to switch into religious studies (which our school allegedly has but ive never heard of anyone taking it + the course list on the website is broken so) but i dunno if thats gonna be too much + i really regret picking philosophy this semester over that but whatever i like photography its just supposed to be kind of boring but maybe thats a good thing. idk i think my classes r well balanced this year like this semester i have cooking + two socials classes + math (usually my best subject + kind of easy this yr) + next semester i have 2 art classes + 2 humanities. harmony. also NO SCIENCE THIS YEAR. big win for me. and AIEEE i just looked at my assessment stuff i got a 4 on my numeracy assessment am i a smart fella or what................. society if i liked math enough to do it as a job but alas its so boring...................... and i got a 3 on my french written assessment soooo.... french people hmu except i think i probably sucked at my oral assessment so mybe we can just text

[chumpmagump]

emotionally avoidant is familiar

i think this morning i realise the allure to emotionally avoidant people that leave an absence. '' your apathy is like a wounded soul'' resonates with me. My father was always emotionally comforting just enough in moments when i needed a hug, or something small but he always looked a bit lost with what to do with me with my emotions. He wasn't available, he didnt know how to be.

Then i went on to date emotionally avoidant men, or men that would give me something and then become withdrawn again. Its like i got a addicted to the chase of things. its like my nervous system is so inclined to feel maybe it could be different. i dont know. maybe a re- writing of trying to change history or the relationship with my father.

i feel tired of this though. its not attractive. its exciting, but for all the wrong reasons. why do i get a thrill from this? its something to do with attaining something that is hard. i dont know. i want someone to actually work for me, not put crumbs in and me have some automatic procedurally leant experience to chase.

This realisation came after meeting up with a friend i had a situatonship with around a year ago, i felt i got some closure around the fact that he was emotionally avoidant and i still yearned for that at the time. and it feels shameful. it feels fucked that i gave myself to people that just didnt care for me. that i was pretty disposable and convenient for them yet they mattered more to me.

all of this is just feels heavy. Then just not knowing what to do when people just feel avoidant in soothing me. its like a part of them wants to and the other part just looks so lost and withdrawn. Its good in a sense that i have learnt how to be there for myself more. and rely on myself and my mates more. Its shit in the sense that i actually do want a partner that i can feel comfort from, not a withdrawl or awkwardness.

this week in therapy re starting was major shifts. all of this time off work has me realising that i actually do want to be more intentonal about how i live my life. i dont want to be a clinician full time. i have other interests that i want to pursue. i wouldnt mind making money for a few months and then taking a few months off, repeat. i need time to be myself and know myself separate from my career. i actually find myself not even wanting to have 'goals' as such. i just want to wake up and do what i want that day. and i have all of that at my disposal. swimming, yoga, gym, skating, snorkelling, bush walks, photography, whatever it be. i want to explore myself more in these areas that i have more control over as compared to other peoples mental health outcomes. working with children will bring about a different change , and i do want the experience. i just know it will be a hard transition working not at all to 40 hour weeks again.

this dissonance between wanting to go out and have a good time at a bar yet never really feeling like i come out of my shell completely. i dont enjoy that. that came up for me last night too.

i dont know, i still seek that validation that im enough from the outside. i want to give that to myself but i think my beliefs are still strongly tied to what other people think of me in paticular ways, related to how i look, what i do, how much money i make.

i want to show up for myself regardless of how people treat me. that is the fucking hardest thing to ever do. to walk away from things that inhibit you doing that. Letting go is the necessary theme this month.

[adhesivedildos]

I've, been doing better?

I briefly entered psychosis a month ago, just, under everything. Hallucinating at work, losing touch with who i am even am, being ostracized and threatened, i started idealizing religious esque themes of suffering i dont even know. but its okay. Friends have really fuckin helped me clear my head, telling me that im not crazy for feeling all of this, that everything has just been, a mess, and im allowed to just be alive. indi and mika notably, and im finally getting back into mutual aid, a community I've really missed and wanted to give myself to. I was so afraid I wouldnt be able to.

But I finally got back into therapy, back on E, I've been sober for weeks, (but i dont really feel that different, it was easy as just not drinking. hasnt really been an issue for a long time, just feel its time) I'm reading and journaling in my lil books everyday, taking shrooms, breaking into buildings with friend for photography and tagging, run sometimes, coming back into activism. Stargazing. My little things philosophy. Everyone at my job showed me overwhelming love when they found out i was leaving, im getting to see my friend for their birthday and it caught me really off guard and im excited for their gifts. ive rebuilt a healthy relationship with sex that i lost a long time ago, I did quite a while back but im only starting to let myself feel it now, (not that i usually even desire that frequently at all?) Im just being human again and im grateful.

I got, so immersed in hurt and confusion trying to bridge any line of communication and trying to understand what was happening to make people believe the things they were telling me i am, and what i was trying to do, it warped my reality for months. i couldnt let myself trust myself at all, every time something didnt add up or try to come up with an answer it was like voices screaming in my head telling me i was in denial, or shit like " oh so anybody except you must be crazy huh" and id just start from the beginning completely broken.

I've had a lot of massive revolutions of my understanding on life, about addiction down to all its microcosms of reward systems be it drugs or relationships or validation or cell phones. Spirituality, accountability, victim/abuser identities and the complexities of trauma, how to qualm and rewire those pathways that leave us helpless to ourselves. Most of all I just feel a deeper peace in understanding and letting go. empathy for myself, for everyone whos hurt me before. Were all going through the motions that come with being a collective of people at all, making the same mistakes and subsequent realizations that have been had before, will happen again, and getting closer to whatever "it" is.

I've been suspended in an extremely hard emotional state for a long time. I felt helpless and scared throughout my last two relationships, and it only got worse after it got better. I think im actually living again now.

[umichenginabroad]

Week 2: That one time I got robbed

Today marks two weeks of studying abroad in Buenos Aires, and the end of an eventful week. We started out this week of extreme highs and lows with a beautiful little weekend getaway to Mendoza. A city known for its bodegas (or wineries), Mendoza did not disappoint. We arrived Thursday evening and had a nice dinner after a decently long travel day. One of my favorite things about Argentina culture is something known as a "sobremesa," where everyone stays at the table after finishing eating for purely social purposes. My roommates and I stayed at the restaurant for an entire 2.5 hours just talking. This cultural difference helps make every evening enjoyable, even when there are no big plans going on.

The next morning, we woke up early to head to the San Martin Park, which is the largest in Mendoza, and we ate brunch at a cute outdoor cafe. Afterwards, we explored the mini artisan market, where I bought some jewelry. The , we went on a half-day winery tour that we booked through TripAdvisor. Everything went very smoothly, and the tour guide could speak english. We visited three different bodegas and one olive oil factory, and it was a day well spent. The bodegas were absolutely stunning, and it was really interesting to see the intricacies of the various wine cellars and production process. We also got to taste some delicious bread and olive oil variations as an afternoon snack. Our exciting day came to an end with a beautiful sunset that we got to watch from the rooftop balcony of our final bodega.

Life suddenly moved on after our blissful weekend in Mendoza, and I really felt the shock during our 8 am physics class on Monday morning. It was difficult to snap back into a school routine, but playing ping pong and pool every day between classes definitely helped. If you told me two weeks ago that one of the highlights of my experience abroad so far was playing pool (a game that I had never played before) with classmates, I would've thought I went insane. However, playing little games has helped me bond with the other students, and even meet locals who attend the same university. I also spend most of the free time I have at the nearby parks, where there is an abundance of mini soccer (futbol) fields. Soccer tennis is now an essential part of my daily routine, and it is definitely a rewarding activity. It makes me so happy that I was able to incorporate the sport I love into my experience abroad, especially in the most passionate futbol country in the world.

The week picked up again on Tuesday night with a Tango show that was included with our CEA study abroad program. The venue was absolutely breathtaking, and the dancers matched the venue with their immense talent. I wish photography and recordings were allowed during the show because it was truly one of a kind. I will definitely be investing in tango lessons during the remaining time I have left here.

However, the night quickly plummeted after we decided on keeping the party going at a boliche (similar to a nightclub). After a couple hours of dancing, my heart dropped as I noticed my purse's zipper was open, and my phone was nowhere to be found. When preparing for a considerable trip like this one, lectures on preventing your belongings from being stolen are inevitable. I was always incredibly cautious with keeping my bags within sight and within my grasp, which made it even more distressing to find out my phone was stolen. After a brief mental breakdown, I finally calmed down enough to complete the necessary steps: tracking the location, putting it in lost mode, erasing its content, and calling my cell phone provider to discontinue the number. As this only happened less than 24 hours ago, I am still in a state of distress and shock, but I know that this happens to so many students abroad and that everything will be okay. This was a huge lesson (though one I wish I didn't have to learn) about how you really can never be too cautious with your belongings in a country such as Argentina, and I will take this knowledge and experience with me for the rest of this trip and my life. The good news is that it really can only go up from here, and hopefully by next week's Wu Wednesday, I will have things figured out!

[hwaightme]

hello its me again and im back!

i just got done and im AAAAAAHHHHHH so please forgive me if this seems all over the place its because it is...

also for anyone who might be reading this please read long exposure BEFORE reading this cause imma bout to spoil like there's no tomorrow beacause i loved it so much and i need to get all this excitement out somehow.

SPOILERS UNDER THIS PART

__________________________________

i didn't know it was possible for you or even for any mere mortal to top the absolute masterpiece that was Use Me… Honestly you know how much i loved use me… me??? a mingi biased??? it seemed impossible. But you didddd!!!!!! like gorllll. everything about long exposure was PERFECT

ok so first of all the setting! you set the mood so expertly right from the get go! i felt mc’s drive and passion for her job and also the admiration she had for hwa like you could feel he was her hero. and then i love how you introduced woo in the middle of this. he appears like a disgracious spot in the middle of the beautiful photograph between mc and hwa. and you feel the real switch in mc’s heart. like you can feel her resentment and i loved ittttt.

i want to ENDLESSLY praise your character development!!!!! you are so soooo soooooooo good at that! you said in the intro that everyone was toxic in this fic and it’s true but exactly like hwa’s picture they seem only black and white at first glance but all three of them are SO MUCH MORE!!! they all are a beautiful palette of grays. as i was reading i felt even if all of the characters were making the unethical/immoral decisions none of them were evil per se. none of them were unidimensional. They all had so much depthhhh!!! it’s insane!!!! Like honestly i couldn’t even bring myself to hate woo because you did such a great job at painting him through his vulnerable side. even though he was clearly the asshole here. But honestly that phone call… where he wanted to protect mc from hwa who he thought became violent that was so sweet and it made my heart ache honestly but at the same time i was sooo happy for mc to finally let go of woo because she deserved better. somehow i felt all of them deserved better. also that's just pure speculation on my part but i cant help to doubt seonghwa’s passion will pass the test of time like so many artists switching from one muse to another. because so many artists are fuel by frustration, imagination, desire and even pain, rejection. and once you touch the dream, once you grasp the unreachable and you leave the realm of possibilities then the passion turns routine and the mystery turns habit… im scared seonghwa will grow tired of mc and she will end up hurt again and im rooting for her so baddddd.

i wanted to also talk about just the way you write…. girl it’s insane it’s just pure art!!!!! like the way every single sentence flow naturally after the previous one and you paint perfectly every picture, every emotion. You articulated this triangle so well. like as a reader i connected so well with all three of them. and the way you used photography analogies and just figures of speech beautifully some passages felt like poetry!!!! like damn you’re insane for this one!!!

And that brings me right to the next thing! girl are you a shapeshifter of sumn? like everytime i read one of your pieces, you can easily pass yourself as an expert in that field. Like i read motivate me i was convinced you majored in psychology and now im like is bai a photographer too???? like you make it so real!!!!! 

and hwa speaking french here and there i was about to LOSE MY MIND!!!!! (french is my native language) like i pictured it soooo welllllll with his low and quiet voice and it got me melted into a puddle! like he was so assertive but so respectful and so just ugh perfect. and him going to Brussels!!! i was like THIS IS MY CITYYYYY!!!!! like i was so happy!!!

and girl the smutSSSS (plural what???) like the first scene with woo i loved it really gave the vibe “it feels so wrong but so right” at the same time! i love how woo knew exactly what mc was picturing and she was so parched for seonghwa’s touch that she didn’t even take the time to deny it and used him to get off to the thought of her boss. so scandalous i LIVE FOR IT!!!! and the scene with the man of the hour ??????? omg!!!! like when he asked mc to start by herself while he took the pics i was like AAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHH and just losing it! and then the rest i can’t even talk about because im still in my feels and yeah…

AND GORL THE ENDING!!!!!!!! the things it implies!!!!!!! i like to think the woo did it!!! i love unhappy/bad endings!! i love to see the villain win so that really was the cherry on top for me!!!! 

so yeah! this was perfect to me like everything! i loved it so much!!!! all across the board it was just 10s everywhere! 

Thank you so much for writing this!!!!!!!! im so glad i found your page!!! you write the best fics ever and you’re an absolute sweetheart <3

ILYSM <333333

Hello there I am speaking to you from the afterlife because the Seonghwa Paris live just made me feel all types of ways and I was repeatedly destroyed but ANYWAYS MY ANGEL YOU ARE THE KINDEST SWEETEST BEAUTY I CANNOT <3 <3 PLEASE This is the highest praise of all time and I am a sobbing mess on the floor…. and omg…… I am thinking back to just how my heart fluttered when you sent in your thoughts about Use Me… you know I still come back to that post? AND NOW I WILL BE LOSING OVER THIS ONE FOR ALL OF ETERNITY BECAUSE ;~; my word this is just…. this just means infinity to me. Thank you. Thank you from the bottom of my heart.

It was really interesting to try and immerse myself into the photography world, as I feel like this is just such a beautiful, deep realm that very much connects with inner emotions and their expression, so I am so OVERJOYED that you felt the mood of mc and her relationships with both Seonghwa and Wooyoung! Also omg that analogy is just so brilliant - the disgracious spot… I am genuinely floored and so grateful for this!! And yes, I find that professional pursuits and the arts are just such an interesting driver, so really the fact that you found my attempts at integrating that to make sense is just making my heart sing.

I AM SO HAPPY THAT YOU LIKED THE CHARACTER DEVELOPMENT OMG!!!!!!!!! This is something that I am constantly trying to improve upon, because I truly believe that every single individual is so multifaceted - quite literally a universe in a body, so to make someone have only one trait is… it is unjust, so with each work I try my best to learn how to deliver emotion and feelings as best as I can. I bow to you… your words are an infinite motivation and inspiration, and really make me want to continue on this beautiful journey that is writing and reading and appreciating the world itself. Thank you. And not me ceasing to breathe for a second when you said the 'beautiful palette of grays' - I am legit tearing up…. One of my favourite quotes of all time is from Sir William Shakespeare's Hamlet, which is "there is nothing either good or bad, but thinking makes it so", and so I want to try my best to make even the one who is initially an antagonist, or portrayed to be one, to have their reasons, their rationality, their own heart (how you describe the personality and decision-making that Woo has here is just…. I am…. I am speechless because this is making me overwhelmed in the best way, I am so grateful). Also, the point you make about Seonghwa, it is just sending me into such a wondrous spiral of ideating what this world in Long Exposure could become and be - as you say, there really is the risk of him moving on - he is a chaser, he wants to capture what cannot be captured, and while it is a permanent frustration it is what drives him, and here he is, with the world in his hands…. and what would that mean for the future? Can this artist, this visionary, this innovator live with reality when he wishes to invent his own?

I am currently SPEECHLESS… really I am stunned…. coming from such a gifted writer (seriously, I reread your work - Partition at least three times) this is just beyond what I could ever hope for. I know I am saying thank you in every sentence but really…. again, to quote Shakespeare, this time taking from Twelfth Night: "I can no other answer make but thanks, And thanks; and ever thanks". The triangle was definitely an experiment for me, since before Long Exposure I have mainly (if not completely) focused on singular pairings with low 'romantic conflict' if you will, so this is just so unbelievably encouraging, and I am going insane from your kind words ;~;

AHAHAHAH I am lowkey obsessed with researching different careers and professions, because seriously… there is so much cool stuff out there, everything has such amazing intricacy and the little things that make a job are just so beautiful… I want to try my best to do this justice, so I am so happy that you enjoy my little deep dives <3 And ahem…. not me… being um… inspired by you O_O because this was around the time when you were talking about the Brussels concert and were posting about your experiences…. Anyways imma just hide right now ahah ily <3 (also not Seonghwa saying a few words in French during the live!?!!? SWOON)

EHEH INDEED THE PLURAL; Genuinely the first scene had me… thinking thoughts as I was typing it ahah - exactly as you say, "it feels so wrong but so right" ahah; so much for Wooyoung trying to sculpt MC in to what he wanted to see, only for her to envision someone completely different. Slowly but surely, Woo disappeared from her viewfinder (due to his own… interesting decisions)… AAAH I am so so honoured that you enjoyed the second scene~ really it was interesting to figure out how to blend photography and intimacy, considering that really… in many ways this is what Seonghwa is trying to express but is the first time it is done so explicitly… AND GUUURL I AM IN MY FEELS RN!!!!

I am a sucker for ambiguous, open endings ahah, it may be cruel so very sorry ahah but I am so so glad that you liked it!!! EXACTLY WHO KNOWS WHAT IF WOOYOUNG PULLED A "OH YOU ARE NOT MINE? THEN YOU CANNOT BE ANYBODY ELSE'S EITHER";

Again, you are stunning, you are perfection, you give me all the serotonin and dopamine and I feel so truly blessed. Thank you so much, I love you 3000 and I AM SO UNBELIEVABLY GRATFUL THAT I HAVE MET YOU AND HAVE THE PLEASURE OF SPEAKING WITH YOU THANK YOU SO MUCH YOU TALENTED, KIND ANGEL ILYSM!!!! MUCH LOVE AND BIGGEST HUGS <3333333333

[areallybadwriter]

12/26

I write this from AZ where my dad’s side of the family lives, about to sleep. I was supposed to fly back home today but my flight, along with a thousand others, was cancelled and we scrambled to find accommodations. my dad flew back to where he lives tonight and i am flying out tomorrow.

arizona has been a lot of fun and its always really good to see this side of the family as i feel closer with them in terms of values and hobbies. we are a family full of artists so its very refreshing being able to talk about art with them and also there is a common disdain for some of my fathers actions or words that i feel comfortable relating to them on. its nice to hear that others also are disappointed by the way he acts sometimes. my 87 year old grandma is also out here, who lived a great life and passed a desire for art and aesthetics to the rest of us. i don't get to spend nearly enough time with her as we live thousands of miles away so its so nice to see her and talk with her. we spent a lot of time looking at old photos of her family and my late grandfathers family (dating back to the 1800s) so that was sooooo cool and ill cherish that forever. some of the names of ancestors were really cool too and if i ever did consider having kids (unlikely) i’d get my inspiration from the registries we have. i also gifted my grandma a book that i had handmade in my bookmaking/photography course so that we could use it as a shared notebook, sending it back and forth between us. she seemed to love it and already drew something for me to “respond” to so im very excited to start that. my dad thanked me for the way i treated her which surprised me as she is my grandmother who i highly value (a trait i think he could borrow). and because she, and the rest of the family, is out here in phoenix and not the midwest anymore, i would definitely consider moving out here if the circumstances worked out. the air and the sun and the landscape help clear my head (and my skin) and i don't feel the same worries and emotional coils i do in the cold, cloudy midwest. my cousin is also getting married in march out here to the sweetest boy ever and i couldn't be more excited for them. i also love weddings and i get to bring my best friend so i think it'll be lots of fun. 

I am officially graduated from college which is crazy and it doesn't feel quite real yet. i didn't attend the graduation ceremony because i was not about to spend $100+ dollars on renting a cap and gown and dragging all of my willing family members to that in the dead of winter. i do hope i get some gifts, mostly money for traveling, but if anything it's really nice to be celebrated a little after a grueling four and a half years. now i just have to figure out what im doing and make money. yay!

I met up with ex b a couple days before i left for arizona, which i was surprised to do but it was a lot of fun. i had gotten a little wine drunk a few weeks ago and mentioned meeting up to catch up and at the time, he did not seem into it at all so i dropped it quickly. but he texted me about a week after and continued the conversation on it so i figured why not? we were both back in the hometown (we met in high school) so it wasn't the easiest to figure out what to do, especially because he didn't want to go into the city for anything. we ended up settling on a townie bar in the town over. when we showed up, about 50 carhartt rednecks stared at us intruding on their karaoke night, so we found a quiet booth in the back. i got a jamo & coke, which ended up being very strong, and he got a beer. its always very easy for us to slip back into comfortableness around each other (we did date on and off since 2017), but i was wary after this last summer. i don't remember if ive mentioned it previously on this blog but it as exes do, we were hooking up and hanging out again and it was bad on my brain. he also was going through a patch of absolute selfishness (which is ok, he needs more of that), so we were clashing pretty hard by the end of it and the fallout was messy. but, we were able to talk about all that and speak about our lives and dreams and it was really, really nice. now, i proposed it as completely platonic which is genuinely ok with me as the rest of my life is quite hard to manage at the moment but i couldn't read whether it was purely friendship or not. he touched me a lot and made a lot of callbacks to memories and things we had done during our relationship and even towards the end of the night prompted the “what now” question as we were both staying at our family homes and couldn't go back anywhere. i don't know if he meant what i thought he meant but we have plans to see each other again some point soon. it honestly was really nice and he is still one of my favorite people and will always be a great person to have in my life. we’ll see where that goes, if anywhere.

another meet up that is hopefully happening is one ive waited on for quite awhile. wyoming is home for christmas and apparently staying until mid-january. i told him that i would literally stop talking to him (we talk every day still) if we didn't see each other, as there's a lot of effort being put into our relationship, whatever it is, and i will not continue to try if there's no promise of seeing each other in person when its possible. i would say that im pretty committed to the idea - i worry too committed at times - and would try very hard to make this work if he shows that he wants it as much as i do. ever since we started talking again, i think he has shown that and has said some things i wouldn't dare to even dream of (but who am i kidding, i think about him all the time) that have urged to me to at least try. there is a promise we will see each other, but its just hard knowing whether he wants it as much and i am simply waiting for him to make the effort to plan something. we live less than a mile away from each other in our hometown so its safe to say I'll be livid if something doesn't happen. and with everything we’ve discussed up to this point, it'd be stupid not to see each other. i am scared that i will show all my cards up front, not that i haven't started already over the phone, and make a fool of myself. i know that we are better friends than that at this point and there are bigger concerns, but i think back to how giddy my 16 year old self was at the thought of him and can't say that i won't revert back to that feeling. corny as it sounds, i have never ever been so delighted than at the feeling of his hands on me. a few weeks ago, he was drunk and told me that bottom line if he felt as much as i did (the big one) that he would never be the first one to say it. as ive relished in it since we were 16, i told him i had no problem saying it first, and about a week later i did. i was also a little inebriated and absolutely terrified, but i said “i do love u” (just like that) and then went to bed. i didn't feel bad about it in the morning, no regret, and would say it a thousand times over if he wanted me to. in a way, it was nice for me to finally get it out there - it had been a thought of mine for so long that i forgot that it was real. he didn't say it back automatically which was absolutely grueling but i knew he felt the same way and was secure enough to not really need to hear it. he had shown me. but in an air of warning almost, he did say it back and basically told me he was scared to start something official as it meant losing me one way or another. i didn't tell him this, but i think not starting something also means losing me. ive kept it in so long and now ive finally said it and i feel like my heart is bursting and i just want to keep going. i said it again a couple days ago when he was driving home from wyoming (in one go, mind you) because i figured it was a hard drive and no way would i have let him get into an accident or something without saying it again. and i will say it again and again and again because i love it. and at this point in my life, i really don't care. if im going to try, im not going to half ass it or not feel it as strongly as i do. one of us could die tomorrow. so in the mean time i will say “i love you” until i can't anymore. 

gracie did in fact pass away a few weeks ago. we hired a vet who specialized in the process to come out to the house and do it there, where the puppy was comfortable and safe at home. she was scared and i think somewhat understood what was going on, as i had been coming home a lot more and goodbyes from the kids were said the night before. i don't think she would've made it through the weekend anyways. it happened on a friday at 1 pm, and she passed laying on her favorite blanket in her favorite spot on the couch. she got a brownie and a lot of oyster crackers on her way out. the worst part was seeing my mom and step dad cry, and the way the vet and my dad carried her out to the car after the process was done. i had never ever felt pain like that before and while its easy to push it away after all of the shit ive coped with, there's a twinge every time i think about her or see other dogs. it feels wrong to be in the house without her and i don't know how my parents do it. i have some of her fur and i want to have it with me in some way, maybe a locket or build-a-bear. my way of coping is to make or consume art (as well as write about it i guess) so i do want to get a tattoo remembering her at some point, but the wound is too fresh right now. where does all the love go for her? i carry it with me like a weight. 

next update will hopefully be a bit more lighthearted and will hopefully have big updates to things that ive been wanting to happen or change for awhile. 

xoxo anonymous