#and its been six months since i started recovering from an ed. i expected to be stronger than i am

[s4turday-sun]

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[maknaesdancersrappers]

devoted.

Jung Jaehyun || yandere!au(ish?), thriller(???), smut (im sure about this one lol), cursing, some pretty dark shit is under that keep reading line

word count: 9k

devoted masterlist

T R I G G E R  W A R N I N G.

A/N: i usually make a sideblog for scenarios and imagines but i cant commit to writing often //sighs at exo and svt fic blogs// so i’d rather post it on my main tumblr than on my AFF account which is strictly for memberxmember only (author name is on the gif lmao i got too lazy to edit it to my tumblr url) so here’s some jaehyun smut for all his hoes, me included.

P.S. this is based off my dream the other night and i deadass almost had a panic attack from it

As a boyfriend, Jaehyun was… devoted.

It was a mutual decision; a decision he had voiced out first, but later on deeply regrets.

Jung Jaehyun meant well when he had asked to take a break from your relationship because the final months of university was harder than both of you thought. You simply had no time for each other, especially since you come from two very different courses.

It’s been almost 4 years since you two began dating, thanks to that one Gen Ed subject you miraculously shared together during freshman year. If he hadn’t been late and ended up sitting beside you, neither of you would have crossed paths again.

Jaehyun loves you, he was completely smitten that day you had accidentally swung your head to him a little too strongly and caused your hair to whiplash against his face when all he asked was for the professor’s name to put on his forms.

And you love him, ever since he had flashed his signature dimpled smile, chuckling away your apologies for having smacked his face with your hair.

From pair works in class that turned to study sessions at the library, that turned to spending breaks together at the quad, that turned to dinner dates at the nearest pizzeria, and by then all of your friends can tell that you and Jaehyun weren’t just friendly classmates anymore.

As a boyfriend, Jaehyun was… devoted. He doted you; he made sure he showed how much he loves you every second that he can. It was cute at first, until you got used to it. It had never been a bother or a burden, no matter how many times your friends would point out it was starting to be creepy. But you always shrugged them off, saying it’s simply how Jaehyun was.

First week

“You and Jae?” Ten repeats, “Are taking a break from each other?” He scoffs and nudges Doyoung, “Are you hearing this?��

“Wait, I must have something in my ears.” Doyoung sticks a finger into each ear and pretends to clean them, “Okay, can you repeat that again, (Y/N)?”

You roll your eyes at them and Yebin throws her used tissues at the boys, “Ignore them, (Y/N.) But I’m just as surprised as they are. Are you and Jaehyun really taking a break?”

“Taking a break, in our definition, is not expecting dates every other night, texting or calling during breaks, you know, the usual things we do. And if by some miracle, we bump into each other, we’d just, smile, I guess.”

“Oh thank fuck, no more kissing like you haven’t seen each other in years.” Doyoung groans, only to screech when Yebin kicks his shin under the table.

“I bet you won’t last halfway the semester. Give or take a month?” Ten shrugs his shoulders.

Doyoung snorts, “I bet you won’t last a week.”

“It was his idea and we both agreed to it. We’re graduating soon and we both promised to do our absolute best for the last semester, so we’re getting rid of distractions.”

Ten hums, “It’s just unlike him to suggest it.”

You pout at him, “And what is that supposed to mean?”

“He worships the ground you walk on.” Doyoung says in a tone like it was the most obvious thing that existed. “He worships you.”

“He’s just affectionate.” The bell rings, “And we’ll be late for class.” You stand up from your seat and they follow suit.

Third week

It took a while for you to get adjusted to the fact you’re on a break with Jaehyun. There were plenty of times you had to stop yourself from texting him to ask how he was or if he’s up to eat out together. When there was a knock on your apartment door, you had imagined it was him and not the food delivery you forgot about.

One fateful Friday, none of your subjects had given out homeworks to slave on during the weekend and Yebin had demanded for a mandatory and much needed girl’s night out at the new bar outside of campus. You were fine with the idea, until one of your friends, Minkyung, had took it upon herself to dress you up.

“No.” You automatically told her the second her hand reached for the last dress on the rack in your closet. It was probably the shortest dress you had owned. Despite its sweetheart neckline and flowy cloth, the A-line dress was cut off just above your thighs. It wasn’t the best dress to wear on windy days, to say the least. “That’s too short.”

“It’s cute and sexy!”

“But Jae–”

Minkyung cuts you off with a snap, “Last time I checked, you and Jaehyun are currently on break. Let your legs and ass breathe while they can. You’ve kept your best assets in pants or baggy shorts because Jaehyun doesn’t like it when guys ogle them.”

“Uhm, I don’t like being ogled by other guys, too.” You weakly shot back but she had already forced the dress on you and pushed you to the bathroom.

It didn’t take long for the three of you to get ready and hop into a cab that took you to the bar Yebin had not shut up about days prior from tonight. It was the typical bar set up, with booths surrounding the dance floor with 3 bartenders manning the bar and serving up cocktails one after the other.

Minkyung was fast enough to secure a booth for the three of you and you slip inside while Yebin ordered some drinks.

You realize that it’s been a long time since you were able to go out with them like this. You had always spent your free time with Jaehyun and although you missed him, this was a nice change, too.

Halfway through the night and six margaritas and 3 shots of tequila later, Minkyung and Yebin had coaxed you onto the dance floor. Intoxicated, you sway your body to the beat, laughing and singing along with your girls. You abruptly stop when a hand glides down from your waist to your hips.

“Excuse me, but I have a boyfriend.” You slurred a bit, but stood your ground to glare at the boy that felt you up.

“Really? Where is he then? Hm?”

You size him up quickly, he was shorter than Jaehyun but had Johnny’s built.

“It’s called a girl’s night out, jackass, so fuck off.” Yebin pulls you away but he grabs your arm and you cry in pain.

“I wasn’t talking to you, short stuff.” He hisses at Yebin, who responds with a harsh stomp on his foot.

Minkyung and Yebin whisks you away from him while he cusses at her.

“Are you okay? God, some guys are just jerks.” Minkyung snarls, pulling you into a hug.

“I’m fine. I’m sorry for spoiling our night out.” You reassured her.

“You didn’t spoil it, babe. That jackass did. Besides, we’ve had one too many to drink, we should head on home.” Yebin pulls out her phone and books an Uber for the three of you.

Hangovers are the worst. Usually, Jaehyun would have prepared you some painkillers and a decent breakfast, but today, you and your roommates ate cereal in front of the television with the volume down low.

“I feel like shit. Are we too old to enjoy getting wasted already? Shit!” Yebin cries, clutching her head with one hand while jamming a spoonful of soggy cornflakes into her mouth.

“Someone ask somebody to bring us painkillers. My head is killing me.” Minkyung whines, rubbing her temples.

You grab your phone and to text Doyoung, who instantly replied with his dismay of your state but will still bring over some painkillers.

The television suddenly sounds an alarm, making all three of you groan and cover your ears.

“Breaking News from Seoul Central University. Finance student, Kim Iljung, 22, was found beaten up outside a bar on the outskirts of the campus. The victim reported that he was ambushed from behind with a bat and was not able to see his assailant.”

“(Y/N), isn’t that the guy that felt you up?” Minkyung points out and you look at the ID photo the news report flashed.

“Oh shit, yeah. Oh my god.” You gasp as the reporter described the injuries the boy had sustained.

“Kim claims that he does not know who did this and the reason behind it. He is currently recovering in the campus hospital and is working with the campus police to catch his assailant.”

“Serves him right for molesting (Y/N)! Karma’s a bitch.” Yebin says, drinking the leftover milk from her bowl.

“Karma or not, it’s scary. To be randomly assaulted like that? What if one of us were in his place?” You visibly shuddered. “I mean, who could do something like that?”

Ninth week

You’ll be having your period soon.

You know this because on top of craving all sorts of food twentyfour-seven and experiencing drastic mood swings to your friend’s unfortunate luck, you had to deal with a need that Jaehyun knew all too well to handle. But you haven’t contacted him as part of the conditions of taking a break which only meant you had to take care of yourself.

It was half past midnight when you were sure your roommates were in deep sleep in their respective rooms that you decided to lock your room and raise the volume of the music you usually played at night just a tad louder in case you got a little too vocal.

You haven’t touched yourself in a long time. And even if you had, it was under the predatory gaze of your boyfriend.

Play with yourself. He’d command and you would automatically open your legs and obey.

Everything felt tentative and unsure while your hands ran up and down your naked body. Your mind conjured up scenarios of all the times you and Jaehyun had fooled around and finally, your hand made its way to your core. Sighing, you circle your clit with the tip of your forefinger and shudder at the sensation.

You bite down your lower lip when you attempt to slip your finger inside you. After a few pumps, you slip in a second finger and a moan escapes you accompanied by your boyfriend’s name.

Yes, baby, that’s it. You could practically hear him whisper the words.

“Shit.” You remembered the last time you and Jaehyun masturbated with each other. Much like how you were lying down on your bed with your legs spread out and fingers knuckle-deep inside you, you imagined Jaehyun seated at the chair by your study table, with his large hand wrapped around his cock. You whimpered when you remembered how his eyes watched your fingers disappear inside you.

“A-ah.” You softly cry when you pump faster and harder, trying to match the speed and force Jaehyun had always used on you, but ultimately failed. You plant your feet on the mattress and lift your hips up when you finally feel yourself find the pleasure you’ve been craving for. “Jae.” You whine as your other hand squeezed one of your boobs.

There was a low groan that echoed into the room and for a split second you thought you had imagined it, but it sounded all too real and all too close for it to be a fragment of your imagination. You shoot up from the bed, your hands grabbing the sheets to cover your body as your eyes dart to the window to see a shadow move across it.

Fear seizes your heart, but you had to confront it. As quickly as you can, you run to your window and open it. Your dorm was on the second floor and if there was someone who had seen you, he was fast enough to go down the fire escape. But you shake it off, hoping it was nothing but your imagination.

You close the window before you can catch a cold, not noticing the gooey, white substance splattered on the window pane.

Sixteenth week

Finals were next week and you were at your wits end. You were neck deep in stress and you were desperate to release it. You were in no mood to drink and the girls had their own finals to study for. As you walked home late at night from the library, you stop in front of the university gymnasium.

It had been a while since you’ve went swimming.

You quit the team when you learned that Jaehyun quit the basketball team to make time for you.

The pool would have long been closed by now, but that’s not gonna stop you from sneaking in. You jumped the fence after checking no one was around and made your way to the building where the pool was.

The janitors always kept a spare key inside the emergency fire hose and with that, you successfully entered the indoor swimming pool.

The pool lights were left on as usual and you drop your bags to the side, your clothing following them soon after.

With only your matching red underwear, you slowly slip into the pool, half-moaning and half-whining at the cold water enveloping your body. When your body adapted to the coldness, you dive down and swim close to the tiled floor. From under the water, you look up and panicked when a blurred black mass stood at the side of the pool, causing you to resurface.

“Jesus Christ!” You gasp when you realized who it was. “Jaehyun!” You scolded, “You scared me!”

“Sorry.” He chuckles, lowly, pulling out one of his earbuds from his ear and letting it fall out from the hoodie of his jacket.

“How did you even know I was here?”

“I was out for a jog when I saw you jump the fence.” Once he said that, you noticed he was wearing his usual running clothes. There were a few beads of sweat sliding down his face and his breath was a little ragged. He squats down and offers you a half smile, “If anything, I should be asking you why you’re sneaking into the pool after closing time.”

You bite your lip and swim towards him. “The past weeks have been hard on me and I need to destress. Won’t you help me, Jae?”

His eyes darkened despite the pool lights shining in them. “I don’t think that’s how taking breaks from a relationship works, (Y/N).”

“We’ve made it this far, Jae. Can’t we cheat this break thing?”

“(Y/N)” He warns.

“Please, Jae. For me?” You unconsciously bat your lashes at him and he sighs.

“I don’t have my swimming trunks.”

You giggle at him, “If you haven’t noticed, I’m in my underwear.”

He watches you a little bit more and you thought he was hesitating, so you reach up and unzip his jacket for him. “Do you need help or are you going to let me play by myself?”

That made him smirk and he rises from the ground, discarding his jacket and peeling his shirt away.

Your mouth went dry at the sight of seeing his body again and it made you almost guilty to feel so sexually deprived for the past months. He pushes his running shorts down and reveals his boxers.

Your teeth bite down on your lips again when he kicks his shoes off and smirks at you before diving head first into the water. You swim backwards, trying to tease him as he swims to you from underneath. He resurfaces right in front of you the second your back hits the side of the pool.

Jaehyun wipes away the excess water off his face while you wrap your arms around his shoulders.

“Hi.” You whisper, laughing when he flashes you a smile as you helped pushed his wet hair back.

“Hi.” He breathes, grabbing onto your thighs and guiding your legs around him. “So you needed to destress?”

You nod your head, sliding the hand that pushed his hair back down the side of his face. “How are you gonna help me?”

He pulls your hips closer and grinds his erection against your clothed sex, eliciting a silent gasp from you. “I can think of a few things.”

“C-care to show me?” You stuttered, unable to say anything else as Jaehyun continues to gyrate his hips into you.

For the first time in months, you kissed each other.

The open kiss was messy and sloppy, and it was desperate, needy, and hungry. You clawed his bare back, looking for support as you slid down his body. In response, he pushes you against the side of the pool, the corner biting into your back had hurt but you couldn’t care less. His tongue had invaded your mouth, stroking your own as one of his hands roughly grab your breasts, pushing above the water’s surface.

You throw your head back, resting it against the poolside as Jaehyun clumsily thumbs your hardened nipple and trails a sloppy kiss from your cheek, to your jaw, and stopped short on the side of your neck.

Just as you slowly lose yourself with Jaehyun’s actions, a high pitched whistle hurls you back to reality.

“Shame on you two, fucking in a public pool.” Deep laughter follows afterwards.

Your eyes snap to the entrance where a group of boys watched in amusement. Humiliated, you hide yourself using Jaehyun’s body who shielded you nonetheless.

“Do you mind?” He snaps at them, defensively putting his arms around you.

“Yeah, man, we do mind.” One of them hollers, “We wanted to swim in sperm-free water.”

You flinch when they laugh once more, “Jae, let’s just go.”

He doesn’t react immediately; dark eyes glaring straight to the space behind you. His breathing had slowed and became heavy.

“Jaehyun,” You cup his cheek and make him face you, “Baby, let’s just go.”

It takes him another second to react. He closes his eyes and kisses your forehead. “Okay.”

The guys didn’t pay attention to either of you anymore as they jumped into the far end of the pool. Jaehyun helped you get out of the pool and instinctively, he checked on the guys as he got out after you. Just as he expected, one of them was checking you out while you bent over to grab your things.

“Hey!” He shouts, “I’d appreciate it if you stopped checking my girlfriend out.”

“Can’t help it, man. No wonder you can’t keep your hands off of her.” You see him look at you once more in an overly appreciative manner that made you shudder. On the corner of your eye, you can see Jaehyun tense up and ball his fists. “Jaehyun, leave him alone. It’s not worth our time, come on.”

“Do her real good, man!”

It took all your strength to hold Jaehyun down before he can even properly react. “Baby, please, I just want to go home.” You almost begged him and he finally relented.

Snatching your clothing up, both of you head for the locker rooms to dress before leaving the premises.

“Let me walk you home.” Jaehyun pulled you to his side after seeing you shiver.

After a while, he quietly says, “I’m sorry about those dickheads.”

“It’s not your fault. Maybe it’s the universe saying we shouldn’t be cheating on taking a break.” You huddled closer to him. “But I really miss you, Jae.”

“I miss you, too.” He plants a kiss on the top of your head. “We have a week left. I think we can hold out until then.”

“Until then? Hold out, what exactly?” You tease, spinning on your heels as you arrive to the doorstep of your apartment.

He leans down and kisses the spot between your jaw and your ear. “What could have happened back in the pool and so much more in the privacy of our homes.” His whisper was deep and low, tickling your ear and making you pull away with a short laugh.

“I can’t wait, then.” You let him kiss you on your lips. “Get home safely, okay?”

“Yes, ma’am. I’m sorry for not helping you destress.” Jaehyun slightly pouts at you and you smile at him.

“I had this time with you.” You shrugged your shoulders, “It helped.”

“You can always play with yourself again.” He chuckles under his breath. “I love you.”

“I love you, too.” And with one last kiss, he walks away.

You turn around and reach for the door, but realization hits you before you can turn the knob.

Did Jaehyun say… ‘again’?

Seventeenth week

You were finally through with exams and all you had to do now was wait for graduation. Jaehyun still had one last exam to finish in the afternoon, as Ten told you, so you guys, along with your roommates and Doyoung, decided to go to the mall.

When everyone grew tired of window shopping, Doyoung had suggested to head over to the arcade. Yebin had challenged Ten to breaking the high score on the basketball games while Minkyung had devoted herself into getting the large minnie mouse tsum tsum in the claw machine.

“Let’s play air hockey like old times!” You pulled Doyoung by his arm.

“Right! So I can beat you, like old times.” He laughs and avoids being shoved by you.

“We’ll see about that.”

He swipes the arcade card into the air hockey machine and the puck pops out in front of you. You place the puck onto the table and grip the striker.

“Are you ready to lose?”

“I should be asking you tha–hey! That’s not fair!” He yells when you make your turn and the puck goes straight into the goal.

“Whoops.” You feigned innocence. “If you’re so great, my leading point shouldn’t be a bother.”

Grumbling to himself, Doyoung places the puck back into the table and swings as hard as he could, making it bounce everywhere before you could block it and send it back to him. He had struck it too hard and made it hit the sides that ultimately led it straight into his goal.

“What the hell!” He complains and glares at you as you laughed out loud.

“That’s two points for me!” You cheer, preparing to block his next shot.

As the game continued, you couldn’t help but laugh at all the nonsense complains Doyoung kept stuttering out. Tears even made it to your eyes when he had made an effort to put all his weight into blocking the puck but he had missed it and stumbled away from the table.

“Are you sure you’re as good at this game as you say you are?” You jeered, peeking up at him through your lashes, but your eyes catch sight of someone else. “Jae?”

Doyoung cheers when the puck slips past you while you were distracted.

You eyes flutter down when the puck plops out of the bank by your legs but you ignore it and look back behind Doyoung. Jaehyun wasn’t there anymore.

“What’s wrong?” He stops his mini celebration and turns around, trying to look for what you were staring at.

“I just… I thought I saw Jaehyun.”

He whips his head back at you with a confused expression. “He should be taking an exam right now.” He glances down at his wristwatch. “Well, if he was fast, he could be done, but it would still take him some time to get here.”

“Right. I was just seeing things.”

After a few more minutes at the arcade, you head over to a fastfood chain across the arcade.

“To console you on your loss in our neck-to-neck air hockey match, I’ll buy you ice cream.” Doyoung wraps an arm around your shoulders, “Sound good?”

“Add in some fries and maybe, just maybe, I’ll be okay about losing.”

He exaggerates a sigh, “My best friend, using me for free food.” He lightly pinches your shoulder, “You’re lucky I love you or else–”

It happened so fast that you could barely register it into your mind.

“What the fuck do you think you’re doing, huh? Keeping her warm for me?”

The voice didn’t register at first, but the face that owned it did.

“Dude, what the hell?!” Doyoung scrambles onto his feet with Ten’s help.

Jaehyun steps forward but you block him. “Jae, what is wrong with you?”

“What is wrong with  me? I finished my exam early and rushed here to see you, but I see him,” He juts his chin towards Doyoung, “With his arm around you.”

“What’s happening here?” A mall security guard approached your group.

“A misunderstanding, nothing we can’t handle ourselves. Sorry for the trouble.” You bow your head at him and grab Jaehyun’s arm. “Can we talk outside?”

He casts a glare at Doyoung before letting you pull him out. On the way to the exit, you recognized the same group of boys that chanced upon you and Jaehyun in the swimming pool from the previous week. You were ready to avoid their gazes, but they had seen you and immediately steered clear from you–and you didn’t fail to notice the fear in their expressions. Glancing up at Jaehyun, you could see the smug look on his face as he watches the group retreat.

You walk out into the parking lot and spin around to face him. “Do you want to explain yourself for what you did back there?”

Jaehyun frowns, “He had his arm around you.”

“I–Jae! He is Doyoung. Kim Doyoung. My best friend since pre-school. My best friend who is asexual. You know that!”

“He can’t be asexual forever. For all we know, he’s already got a crush on you!”

“Why are you being jealous of him? He’s my best friend and will always just be my best friend.”

“He just said he loves you!”

“And I love him back, as in, platonically, which I think is what he meant!” You groan in frustration. “You’re being ridiculous!”

Jaehyun scowls, “I’m being protective of my girlfriend!”

You suck in your lips and stare him down, “Your girlfriend that you’re technically on a break with.”

“What?” His body visibly tensed up.

“Maybe we should extend the break for a week or two.” You began to step back, but he follows you.

“What?” Jaehyun repeats, “Why?”

“Because, Jae,” You snap and he flinches at your tone, “I need time to get over what you just did inside to my best friend and you need time to contemplate over your actions and apologize to Doyoung.”

“(Y/N).” He whines.

“Jaehyun, please.” You cross your arms over your chest, defensively, and he stops in his tracks, looking at you with pleading eyes. You shake your head with regret and turn away, walking to the mall front.

He hadn’t followed you or tried to stop you, and you were thankful for that.

You take out your phone, book and Uber, and sent a text to Yebin, saying you’re heading home to rest, and then sent one to Doyoung, apologizing for Jaehyun’s actions and asked if he was okay.

Yebin replies with a kissy face emoji and a short message that she and Minkyung will bring home some dinner for you, to which you replied with a quick thank you.

Doyoung responds to your text a little while after, telling you that he’s fine; that nothing was broken or bleeding, and Jaehyun came back to check up on him and to apologize for punching him.

You close your phone as you see your Uber arriving and hop inside. Jaehyun had never reacted that way and it came as shock to you that he did. He was always that shy and nice kid that everyone was friends with. He was never assertive, but you knew it irked him when guys would so much give you excessive attention.

Seventeen weeks and three days

With classes over and practices for graduation rites starting in two weeks, you were left bored at home while Yebin and Minkyung had their exhibits and recitals to attend to. You woke up at noon and ate late lunch in front of the television, catching up on all the dramas you’ve missed for the sake of studying.

It pained you to watch some romantic scenes, if you were to be honest with yourself. It reminded you of Jaehyun and how he had acted a few days ago.

You learned from Ten, since he’s been seeing Jaehyun’s roommate, Johnny, that Jaehyun was either cooped up in his room or spending his hours at the gym.

The news didn’t make you feel any different. You missed him so much, but your pride wouldn’t allow you to give in. He had to apologize and admit his mistakes.

You fell asleep in the middle of a drama and was woken up by your cellphone ringing. The caller ID read Unknown, but you answer it either way.

“Hello?” You yawned. The other line was silent. Thinking there was a problem with the signal, you stand up and walk closer to the window. “Hello?” You repeat. “Who is this?”

As the line continued to remain silent, you decided to hang up.

The call was unsettling, but you shake it off and gasp to see that it was half past 8 already. You trudged to the kitchen, taking out some left overs from the fridge and pop it into the microwave. While waiting for it to heat up, you scroll through your SNS; liking pictures, watching random videos. You see Taeyong’s new profile pic that showed his newly bleached hair and you give it a heart eyes emoji react.

The microwave beeps and you close your phone to eat your dinner in silence.

As you cleaned up after your meal, you’re overcome with the sense of someone watching you. There was a palpable tension in the air and you convince yourself to look behind you. You regret not turning the lights on in the living room, leaving the open space dark and barely illuminated by the kitchen lights.

Your imagination went haywire, thinking how possible it was for someone to stand in the darkest corner and possibly staring you down, mocking how you can’t see them. But your eyes adjust to the darkness and you can map out the tall lamp shade Yebin’s mother had gifted you guys the day you moved in.

You let out an awkward, shaky laugh. “It’s all in your mind, (Y/N).”

Your phone rings, ripping through the silence and effectively made the tiny hairs all over your body stand up. “Motherfuck.” You hiss, clutching your heart as you take your phone from the counter.

It was an unknown number again.

“Hello?” You answer, a little too aggravated.

There was static on the other side and thinking the cell service was bad from the kitchen, you move to window and peek up into the cloudy sky. “Hello? This better not be a prank phone call.”

Instead of the silence you expected, you hear slow, heavy breathing.

“Hello? Who is this?” The clouds move and the moon shines the ground below. Your eyes drop to the street below and your chest tightens.

On the sidewalk that leads to your apartment building, there was a man dressed in a black hoodie, ripped jeans, and a black face mask covering half his face. He was looking up at your building, you weren’t so sure since his hoodie had casted a shadow over his eyes. But what caught your attention was his hand, holding up a phone to his ear.

You see his chest heave and at the same time, an exhale comes from the other line of your phone.

You drop your phone and stumble backwards as a scream erupts from your throat. You hear your roommates concerned shouts from outside the hall as they scramble to open the front door.

By the time they reach you, you were on the floor, shaking uncontrollably and crying from what you had seen.

Seventeen weeks and four days

Your landlady came to visit you and told you she had asked the campus police for extra security every night. They had also tried to trace the unknown number, but didn’t get any leads and guessed it came from a burner phone. Nevertheless, they reassured you that they’ll continue to investigate your case.

Minkyung and Yebin had slept beside you last night to comfort you, but the thought of having a stalker still haunted you.

You were still jittery and with your mind playing tricks on you, you grab your phone and head out.

“Hey, I heard from Ten what happened. Are you okay?” Johnny asks as he opens the door for you.

“More or less? Uhm…” You look inside the room as you toed off your shoes.

“He’s taking a shower. He actually planned to go to you, but I guess you beat him to it.” Johnny cocks his head to the small bouquet of flowers on the side table. “I’m meeting Ten for an early dinner.”

“Bye.” You quietly say as you watch him close the door behind him.

With soft steps, you make your way to Jaehyun’s room. It was tidy as it always was. You can hear him singing as the shower turned on and it makes you smile.

As you move to sit on the bed to wait for him, your eyes catch the black face mask on his table. “Has he been sick?” You frown to yourself, walking over to it. Upon closer inspection, you find an old-school phone beneath it. You dismissed it as a toy when you try to open it and consequently failed to do so.

Your eyes travel to the picture frame beside it. It was you, of course. You were with him to help him choose the picture he’d have printed and framed. You pick it up only to put it down as fast as you could when your fingers came into something sticky.

“Ugh, Jung Jaehyun!” You hiss, stretching your hand as far away as possible. You were disgusted, to say the least, but a part of you is flattered to know your boyfriend jacks off to you instead of some porno video or magazine. You walk to his laundry basket and grab the first thing you could and wiped your hands on it.

You feel bad for using one of his black hoodies to clean your hands but he’d understand. As you returned the dirty laundry back into the pile, you noticed the light washed denim jeans inside. There was an unsettling feeling in the pit of your stomach when you see that they were tattered. It’s a coincidence, you convince yourself, a horrible coincidence.

You throw the jacket back into the basket and walked over to the other side of the room to sanitize your hands with the bottle of rubbing alcohol liked to keep there. Your emotions have suddenly turned a complete 180 degrees; when you stepped inside the apartment, you felt safe and secured. But after running into items that looked so out of place and had triggered your memories of the past events the last weeks, you were uneasy.

The sound of the shower turns off and you cast a glance at the bathroom door, catching your reflection on the full length mirror. You blink repeatedly, seeing (yet another) item that you did not know Jaehyun had owned.

Your heart began to speed up as you twist around to get a better look. You could hear your heart beating in your ears with every slow step you took towards the corner of the room. There, hidden behind an armchair, resting against the crevice where the adjacent walls met, was a metal baseball bat. You wanted to throw up as your mind connected the dots.

Jaehyun was always protective of you.

“(Y/N)?”

You gasp, turning around, putting a hand over your chest.

Jaehyun, dressed in a loose shirt and boxers with a towel haphazardly thrown over his head, looked as equally as surprised as you.

He couldn’t possibly have done it.

You choke on the onslaught of tears, running to him and burying your face into his chest.

“Hey, it’s okay. It’s okay.” He automatically wraps his arms around you, smoothing your hair down. “You’re okay. I’m here. You’re safe with me.”

Jaehyun holds you tight, letting you cry out the remaining fear from the previous night, all the while placing kisses on your head and rubbing your back.

“Oh god,” You breathe in, smelling his strawberry-scented shower gel. “I missed you so much.”

“I missed you, too.” He pulls away, tilting your face towards him. “How are you? Did you get any sleep? If I found out any sooner, I would have gone over to you.”

You shake your head, “I couldn’t sleep properly, even though Yebin and Minkyung stayed with me.”

“Have you eaten at least? Let me cook something for you to eat.”

“I-I… Don’t leave me here.” You hated yourself for sounding so weak.

Jaehyun offers you a soft smile, “No one’s going to hurt you while I’m around. But if you really don’t want to stay in my room, you can come with me to the kitchen.”

He leads you to the kitchen by the hand, his thumb running over your knuckles. He makes small talk with you, asking how your finals went, and you smile to yourself, seeing how he wanted to get your mind off last night.

You respond to his questions and watch him fry some eggs and slices of pork. It didn’t take too long for him to serve it to you with some reheated rice from this morning.

“Eat up, baby girl.”

“Baby girl?” You smirked, “Should I call you daddy, then?”

Jaehyun laughs, a blush still makes it way to the apples of his cheeks. “Be careful what you wish for.” He whispers into your ear, trying to sound seductive but ended up chuckling.

He watches you eat and from time to time, lets you feed him some.

“What are your plans after graduation?” He asks out of the blue.

You swallowed your food, “My plans?”

He nods, waiting for you to answer.

“Get a job?” You shrug, “I haven’t thought about that at all, actually.”

“How about moving into a new apartment?”

You pause for moment, “I don’t know if I can afford it, but my contract for my apartment right now ends two months after graduation so I should probably look into it.”

“Well,” Jaehyun massages his nape and avoids your gaze; a telltale sign he was nervous. He looked exactly the same when he first asked you out. “My parents graduation gift for me is my own apartment room in downtown Seoul. I was wondering if, you know, you’d want to move in with me.”

You stare at him, trying to process what he had just said. “Will your parents be okay with that? I mean, I thought you and Johnny would still be sharing an apartment.”

“He and Ten have their own plans, besides, I’m not sharing a bed with Johnny.” That makes you giggle and he lets out a short chuckle of his own, “And about my parents… they love you like their own daughter. They wouldn’t mind. I’m willing to bet they’re hoping for grandchildren in two years.”

“Woah there, big boy.” You laugh, “How about we take baby steps instead of hoping of seeing our baby take their first ones, huh?”

“Tell that to my parents.” He grumbles like a child and you reach up to pinch his cheeks.

“Anyways, I’d love to.”

“Hm?”

“I’d love to move in with you.”

It takes a second for Jaehyun to grin at your answer, both cheeks displaying a dimple each. “Really?”

You giggle at his reaction, biting down on your lower lip while you nod. “Yes, really.”

He pulls you in for multiple kisses, making you laugh in between each one. The last one he planted stayed longer against your lips, igniting a heat below your belly. His tongue grazes your lips and you instantly grant him access into your mouth, moaning at the sensation of his tongue sliding against yours.

His hands snake onto your thighs, roughly massaging them before pulling you tight against his body. You cling onto him; mouths undetached as he hauls you up and takes you back to the bedroom.

As if you were a delicate piece of china, Jaehyun sets you down on his bed with utmost care. He pulls away from the kiss, leaving a string of saliva between your lips before it snaps as he straightens himself to remove his shirt.

“Oh, god.” You groan, “I can’t believe I lasted 4 months.” You palmed him over his boxers with one hand while the other travelled upwards, fingers dancing across the expanse of the hard muscles of his abdomen and chest. Before you can slip your hands into his shorts, he grabs both of your wrists.

“I still owe you a destresser.” Jaehyun reminds you with a matching smirk on his lips.

You let him undress you, watching his eyes dart to every newly exposed skin and grow darker with carnal lust to every drop of clothing article on the floor by his feet. When you’re finally stripped off of all your clothes and underwear, he gently pushes you back until you’re lying on the bed. With a light tap on your thighs, your legs part to make room for him.

He removes his boxers and kneels on the bed, one hand already stroking his hard member. He leans down and kisses you, “I’m going to show you how much I missed you.”

“Don’t hold back.” You challenged and he playfully scoffs at you.

“When have I ever held back?”

Before you could answer, a digit dips into your core. A shaky sigh escapes you as Jaehyun languidly moves his finger around.

“Show me how much you missed me first.” He quietly says, “Use my hand.”

Whimpering, you covered his hand with your own, grinding your clit into his palm. Your fingers tapped onto his middle finger and he got the message, inserting it along with his pointer finger. He dragged them against your inner walls that caused you to softly moan.

You lifted your hips, hoping to get some more leverage but Jaehyun flexes his middle finger and it brushes against your g-spot. You gasp, dropping your weight back down to the bed. From there, Jaehyun takes over.

With no warning, he pumps his fingers into you, curling them inside before pulling out. It felt amazing and your body was already starting to convulse. He continued his actions, going harder and faster, ignoring the signs of your oncoming orgasm.

You cry out, grabbing onto his wrist with both hands as your body violently shook.

Not wasting any time, Jaehyun takes whatever essence of your climax his fingers collected and smears it over his cock, giving it a few more pumps before he slides it in you.

Your moan may or may not have been too loud for the neighbors to hear, but you had no control over it. Despite being sensitive and still high from your orgasm, you try to spread your thighs further for him. One of your legs pinned his on the bed while you wrapped the other around his hips.

Jaehyun mumbles something about you being tight and how it feels amazing just before he begins to thrust, slow and deep. He leans over and kisses your neck, alternating between sucking and licking every patch of skin he can get his mouth on.

“I’m going to mark you so other guys wouldn’t think twice about hitting on you, okay?” He thrusts a little too hard, as if to punctuate his question, and you groan in response.

“Yes, yes,” You gasp, your hands finding purchase on his shoulders. “I’m yours.”

He makes almost an animalistic growl, hips moving more erratically with your words. “Say that again.”

“I’m yours.” You chant, almost like a prayer.

With every repetition of your invocation, Jaehyun snaps his hips into you, gaining more speed and power. It had you curling your toes and teetering over a cliff, ready to jump head first into ecstasy only he can deliver.

Your body thrashed against him as he gave you your second mind-blowing orgasm for the night. He helps you ride it out, keeping your hips still as he shallowly pushed into you. Unintentionally, you clenched around him and he moans at the sensation.

“Shit, that feels so good, baby.” He rasps, throwing his head back.

“Won’t you come?” You asked, pouting up at him as you catch your breath.

Slowing down his thrusts, he looks down at you. He studies how you were still shivering from your high, how his kisses on your necks have bloomed into a bouquet of purple flowers, how your breasts rose with every haggard breath. He takes one into his hand, softly palming it. “I’m getting there.”

“Is there anything you want me to do?” You watch his eyebrows scrunch up and his lips curl into a wicked grin.

He pulls out of you all of a sudden and crawls until his knees are on either side of your chest. “Open up.”

You part your lips and stick your tongue out a little.

Jaehyun groans at the lewd sight of you; taking his cock into his hand and pumping as fast as he can. He places the tip on your tongue when beads of pre-cum ooze out.

You lick it up immediately, coaxing him to ejaculate by running your tongue on the underside of his cock’s head.

A string of curses fall from Jaehyun’s lips as he finally found the final push he needed to come. White, hot liquid shoots into your mouth and amidst of you swallowing it, the remaining cum splashes onto your cupid’s bow, cheek, and chin. He cries out in anguish when you push yourself up to suck him dry with hollowed cheeks. As you fall back to bed, one last spurt escapes him and hits your brow.

Seeing it dribble down your eyelid, Jaehyun uses his thumb to swipe it off. Before he can clean his finger, you grab hold of his wrist and guide it to your mouth, collecting the salty substance with your tongue.

“Jesus christ, (Y/N).” Jaehyun exhales, feeling his cock twitch at the salacious scene.

“I just missed how you tasted.” You giggled, kissing his thumb. “Still delicious.”

He combs your sweat-slicked hair and chuckles, his ears turning red at the compliment, “Well, I’m sure you taste sweeter.”

You jut out your lower lip at him, “How would you know? You haven’t tasted me in months.”

“Oh?” His eyes glaze over once again, “Is that a challenge?”

“Baby,” You coo, “It’s an invitation.”

If his dimpled smile made you melt, a dimpled smirk made you melt in other places–places he was about to visit.

“Don’t mind if I do, then.” He trails a kiss from between your breasts down to your navel.

Your jaw drops when he arrives right at your core and does his magic.

You dip your head back down further on the bed, moaning at every flick of his tongue. You turn your head to the side and your eyes fall on the baseball bat from earlier. You had a clearer view of it this time.

You had a clearer view of the other end stained with dark red splatters.

Your blood ran cold and you froze up.

Jaehyun, realizing immediately that you had stopped responding to his actions, pulls away and looks at you. His gaze follows yours and once he spots what had grabbed your attention, he hovers above you and places a hand on either side of your head. “Look at me.” He commands.

“You couldn’t have…” You murmur, meeting his darkened eyes.

“He touched you.” He simply states, devoid of any emotion.

“Jaehyun!” You reprimand, but he cuts you off.

“He disrespected you, (Y/N). I wasn’t going to let that pass by!”

“How did you even know I was the bar? Were you following me?”

“I wanted to make sure you were safe!”

You push him off, scooting off the bed and picking out your clothes from the floor. This wasn’t something you wanted to discuss in the nude. “Well, I was! Yebin and Minkyung were there with me. We left before he could do anything else. You didn’t have to beat him up with a bat! Jesus christ! Jae! You’re wanted by campus police.”

“He got what he deserved, (Y/N).” He coolly shrugs his shoulders, grabbing his boxers and slipping them on while watching you dress.

“And what about those guys from the pool?” You suddenly remembered running into them the other day.

“I only meant to go after the one who couldn’t keep his eyes off you.” Jaehyun admits, “But his friends came looking for him, so I had to deal with them as well.”

“You took them by your–” You shut your eyes in frustration and disbelief. It felt like you didn’t even know the man in front of you. Shaking your head with a scoff, you avoid his piercing glare.

Another thought pops into your head, a scarier one that gave you goosebumps.

You look to the table and stare at the black face mask, “…w-were you the guy last night?”

“Yes. I was outside your window, too, when you masturbated.”

You gaped at him with horrified astonishment. “Why?” It took every fiber of your body not to start shaking from fear and disgust. “You scared me shitless!”

“That was the point.”

Your jaw drops, unable to formulate a proper response, nevertheless, Jaehyun continues.

“I had to scare you back to me.”

“What?!”

“I was losing you.” His voice finally breaks from the monotony and raises an octave higher. “You asked for an extension when I was at my limit. I missed you!”

“I was mad! You punched my best friend, Jaehyun! I had the right to be! And it didn’t mean you were losing me. I just needed time to cool down!” You pinch the bridge of your nose. Never, in the four years, you and Jaehyun have spent together did you argue like this. This was a completely different side to your boyfriend and all these revelations were giving you a headache. You needed time to process them. “I can’t do this.”

You make a move to leave but Jaehyun blocks your path.

“Can’t do what?” His voice had dropped and his eyes were practically black as the night. Taken aback from his demeanor, you were unable to respond to him, making him ask again in a raised voice. “Can’t do what, (Y/N)?!”

“Let me go, Jae. I need to go.”

“Go where? Who are you running of to, huh? Doyoung? Taeyong?”

“Why are you dragging Taeyong into this?”

Jaehyun scowls, “I saw you giving his picture a heart eyes react.”

“Oh my god!” You shout, “Do you hear yourself right now? So I liked his new photo because I thought his new hairstyle looked good. He’s our friend, remember? Jaehyun, please, let me leave.”

“And what? Extend our break even more? I don’t think so.” He reaches for your hand, but you move away. “(Y/N).”

“You’re honestly scaring me right now.” You back away until you feel the wall behind you. “Why are you acting like this?”

“Because I love you, (Y/N),” He steps forward, “Everything I do is for you. I have to protect you. If you could only see how other guys look at you, how they would undress you with their eyes–I, I can’t let them disrespect you like that. They need to know that you’re mine and I’m yours.”

“And if you really, really do love me, Jae,” Your eyes tear up, “You would let me leave.”

“No. W-why?” His eyebrows scrunched up in frustration “Do you want to break up?”

You swallow hard, “I’m really scared right now, Jaehyun. Just please give me time to think–”

“Answer me!” He yells, making you flinch in your spot. He traps you against the wall, “Are you thinking about breaking up with me?”

“I don’t feel safe with you right now.” You breathed. Your words were barely audible but they rang like sirens in Jaehyun’s ears.

He steps away from you, the emotions on his face have changed from hostile to defeated. His eyes are wet as they searched around the room for something, and they fell on the full length mirror attached to the bathroom door. Huffing, he takes two large steps towards it and swings as hard as he can.

You shrieked as his fist connected to the mirror, creating a large, cracked web onto it. You had expected him to stop, or at most react to the the pain of the blow, but he repeatedly punched the mirror, smashing chunks of the glass and sending them crashing to the floor.

“Jae, stop!” You yell, but it was as if he couldn’t hear you.

You found yourself grabbing his arms at the first sight of crimson staining the mirror. “Jaehyun!”

“Go away! I don’t want to hurt you,” He spares you a tormented glance. His cheeks were damp from tears already. “I can’t hurt you, so let me–”

He attempts to throw another punch, but you hold him back. Then both of you struggled with one another, until he nudges you away and faces you. “You hate me!” He cries.

You shake your head in denial, but he repeats himself.

“You hate me.”

“I never said that.” You squeaked, staring into his eyes.

“You wanted to break up.” Jaehyun grabs a fistful of his hair as he shuts his eyes.

“I never said that, either.” You quietly admonished, shakily reaching up to wipe his tears.

He had flinched away from your touch at first, snapping his eyes wide open like an injured beast being cornered, but the way you looked at him made him drop his defenses.

“I’m sorry.” He chokes out, sobbing like a little boy and your heart wrenches at the sight. “I’m sorry. I’m sorry.” He repeats over and over until you pull him down, letting his head rest on the crook of your neck. “I can’t lose you, (Y/N). I can’t. I just wanted to protect you.”

“You’re not gonna lose me and you won’t.” You run one of your hands down his back while the other combed through his hair.

He pulls away, tears still flowing down his cheeks, “You’re not leaving me?”

You take in his expression; a mix of pain, anguish, confusion, guilt, and above all that, you see the expression that made you choose him and stay by his side: love.

“I mean, I have to go home sooner or later.” You cock your head, offering him an unsure smile in an endeavour to bring up his mood, and it sort of did. The briefest flash of his dimple with the curl of the corners of his lips told you that you had at least succeeded in making him laugh. “But I can spend the night if you want to.”

“I want you to.” He mumbles and you smile up at him.

“Then I’ll stay the night.” You pull him down until his forehead was touching yours. Playing with the short hairs on his nape, you whisper onto his lips, “I love you.”

A smile finally breaks out onto his face, lighting it up from the solemn mood “I love you, too.”

“Let’s get your hand cleaned up and wrapped, okay?” You kiss his cheek and lead him out the room, careful not to step on any glass shards.

The clock in the living room struck 12 and exhaustion seeped into your system. You were beginning to accept that there was something terribly wrong with your boyfriend’s psychological health. You should have ran away when you had the chance; you should have left when he, himself, told you to. But you remembered his eyes when he spared you a glance. Something in them switched like an on and off button when they were on you in comparison to when he had been punching the wall.

You look over your shoulder and up at Jaehyun, who sniffed as he inspected his bleeding knuckles.

Your friends have always told you how much he doted you.

Up until tonight, you had no idea just how devoted Jaehyun was to you.

devoted 2 part 1

devotee (jaehyun’s pov)

[sinrau]

Vice President Pence, left, walks with Arizona Gov. Doug Ducey after their meeting Wednesday to discuss the surge in coronavirus cases in the state. (Ross D. Franklin/AP)By Anne Gearan,

July 1, 2020 at 9:54 PM EDT

Coronavirus infections in the United States surged nearly 50 percent in June as states relaxed quarantine rules and tried to reopen their economies, data compiled Wednesday showed, and several states moved to reimpose restrictions on bars and recreation.

More than 800,000 new cases were reported across the country last month, led by Florida, Arizona, Texas and California — bringing the nation’s officially reported total to just over 2.6 million, according to data compiled by The Washington Post.

States that took an aggressive approach to reopening led the country in infection spikes — along with California, the nation’s most populous state, where leaders have been more cautious. California on Wednesday reported 110 new deaths, more than any other state.

The novel coronavirus continued its recent spread, especially in the South and Southwest. More than 52,000 new cases were reported in the United States on Wednesday, the highest total since the start of the pandemic, according to data collected by The Post. Record-shattering numbers of new cases were reported Wednesday in six states — California, Georgia, Texas, Alaska, North Carolina and Arizona.

California added 9,740 new cases to its official tally — a new daily high for the state. Gov. Gavin Newsom (D), amid the recent spike in cases and hospitalizations after early success against the virus, on Wednesday ordered 19 counties to shut down all indoor services and activities before the holiday weekend, meaning that bars, restaurants and other businesses will remain open only outside.

Pennsylvania ordered protective masks to be worn in public, and New York City delayed the planned loosening of restrictions on indoor dining. Michigan Gov. Gretchen Whitmer (D) ordered the end of indoor service at bars through most of the state’s lower region, citing a spike in cases among younger people.

Newsom’s order was the latest step the governor has taken to impose new rules on counties that, in late spring, appeared to have the virus largely under control. While it names only a minority of California’s 58 counties, the reclosing order will affect nearly 75 percent of the state’s residents, including those who live in Los Angeles, Silicon Valley and the East Bay Area.

Over the past two weeks, coinciding largely with the reopening of bars and restaurants, hospitalization rates in California have climbed 52 percent because of new virus infections. The rate of Californians testing positive for the virus has also jumped 6 percent over that time.

Los Angeles County, which passed 100,000 cases earlier this week, has been the epicenter of the virus in the state’s south, where several neighboring counties were also named in Newsom’s order. But new cases also have risen sharply in the Bay Area and the capital, Sacramento. Sacramento County is also on the list.

President Trump said he still hopes the virus will fade away on its own. He professed a greater willingness to wear a face mask as recommended by federal officials and increasingly mandated by localities as the virus rebounds.

“I think we are going to be very good with the coronavirus,” Trump said during a Fox Business interview. “I think that, at some point, that’s going to sort of just disappear, I hope.”

Face masks do not need to be made mandatory, Trump said. Although he has previously declined to wear one in public or in the Oval Office, saying the look is unpresidential, Trump said Wednesday that he would wear one “if I were in a group of people and I was close.”

He described a recent, apparently off-camera, mask debut. “Actually, I had a mask on. I sort of liked the way I looked, okay? I thought it was okay. It was a dark black mask, and I thought it looked okay. Looked like the Lone Ranger.”

Every state should have a mask requirement to help prevent the country from seeing 100,000 cases per day, according to Harvard Global Health Institute director Ashish Jha.

“I just think we can’t dither around on masks,” he said Wednesday morning on ABC’s “Good Morning America.” “Everyone needs to be wearing one when they’re outside of their home.”

Vice President Pence traveled to Arizona as state health officials on Wednesday reported record highs in new infections, deaths and virus-related hospitalizations.

The state reported 4,877 new confirmed cases, eclipsing its daily record set 24 hours earlier. Eighty-eight more people died of the virus, the highest daily death toll yet, bringing the state’s fatalities to 1,720.

Pence endorsed Republican Gov. Doug Ducey’s moves this week to reimpose restrictions on bars, gyms, water parks and more, calling the governor’s caution “responsible.” He said the federal government will meet Ducey’s request for 500 additional emergency medical workers.

Despite offering praise for Ducey’s handling of the pandemic, Pence acknowledged the numbers in Arizona are alarming. He did not answer a question about whether Ducey has gone far enough and should mandate a wider stay-at-home order.

“The reason we’re here is because of the rising number of cases in Arizona as well as the rising positivity rate,” Pence told reporters.

“It’s very clear we have community spread in this state and across much of the Sun Belt and that’s the reason why we wanted to be here and receive a briefing,” Pence said. “But it’s also why we wanted to be here to express our strong support for the steps that Governor Ducey and that local officials have put into effect: limiting certain gatherings, closing certain establishments during this rising time.”

Pence spoke the week after Trump visited the state for a tour of the border barrier with Mexico and to hold a crowded indoor political rally in Phoenix over the objections and public health advice of local officials.

Trump did not wear a mask then, but Pence did so for much of his brief visit Wednesday.

Worldwide, more than 10.5 million cases have been detected, and 60 percent of those were diagnosed only in the past month, according to the World Health Organization.

Over the past week, more than 160,000 cases were diagnosed worldwide each day, WHO Secretary General Tedros Adhanom Ghebreyesus said Wednesday.

The fast pace of infection serves as a grim reminder that even as some countries begin to reopen, the risk of contracting the coronavirus remains.

“Flare-ups are to be expected as countries start to lift restrictions,” Tedros said at a news conference in Geneva, noting that countries applying comprehensive tracking and isolation measures will be best prepared to avoid widespread outbreaks and new restrictions.

“However, we are concerned that some countries have not used all the tools at their disposal and have taken a fragmented approach,” he added. “These countries face a long, hard road ahead.”

Tedros did not name specific countries, but the example of the United States was clear.

In 45 states, seven-day averages of new infections are higher than they were a week ago, according to a Post analysis.

Health officials are nervously eyeing the July 4 holiday weekend amid the surge. Though some beaches, including in South Florida and Los Angeles, have been closed, other oceanfront destinations have not.

“We’re going to see several hundred thousand people come down here regardless of the recommendations that have come out,” Peter Davis, chief of the Galveston Island Beach Patrol, told the Houston-based news station KHOU this week.

Health experts are pleading with Americans to take the pandemic seriously before it’s too late. Tom Frieden, the former director of the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, wrote in an op-ed for Fox News that “the more we fight among ourselves, the more the virus divides and conquers us.”

One bright spot: U.S. private employers added nearly 2.4 million jobs in June as states reopened their economies, according to payroll services firm ADP. That’s a huge upswing after months of staggering job losses, but it is not clear that it can last as the outbreak regains strength.

And after clawing back most of the devastating losses from the beginning of the year, when the novel coronavirus began to infect Americans around the country, stocks continued to gain on Wednesday, starting the second half of 2020 on an upward path.

The positive start to a new month, a new quarter and the final half of the year comes after Wall Street staged a remarkable comeback. Investors capped the second quarter reaping gains not seen since 1998 during the dot-com bubble.

While the Dow and the S&P 500 have not fully recovered for the year, the tech-heavy Nasdaq is up more than 11 percent on the year, lifted by companies that investors see as resilient to the physically distant, remote-working world brought on by the coronavirus.

Meanwhile, Apple said it is re-closing 30 more stores this week as coronavirus infections continue to rise in several states.

The iPhone maker initially closed its doors in March as the first major outbreaks in the United States took hold. Apple has since reopened stores, joining other businesses in easing shutdown measures.

But as infections have continued to spread in the United States, the company has reversed course. The latest round brings the total number of Apple stores that have re-closed to 77, according to a count by CNBC.

[deadcactuswalking]

REVIEWING THE CHARTS: 25th August 2019

Top 10

On the US Billboard Hot 100, after “Old Town Road” dissipated, they’ve been treated with a couple #1s switching in and out. “bad guy”, “Senorita” and probably “Truth Hurts” and unfortunately “Ransom” soon enough... while here in the UK, “Old Town Road” was only at the top spot for a week, and instead we’ve just had “Senorita” by Shawn Mendes and Camila Cabello for six straight weeks... Nice.

“Beautiful People” by Ed Sheeran featuring Khalid is at number-two still, and we actually have a pretty busy week that did not translate to the Top 10 – it never does.

“3 Nights” by Dominic Fike is steady at number-three but I’m not complaining; this song is great.

I’m not upset about the one-space boost for Kygo and the late Whitney Houston’s “Higher Love” either at number-four, it’s not a bad song and if anything I’m just excited to see Houston on the charts again.

AJ Tracey returns back to the top five with “Ladbroke Grove” up a spot to number-five.

Aitch’s newest major single, “Taste (Make it Shake)”, is down two spaces to number-six, but that’s still way too high. I honestly do not understand the appeal in this one, it’s not quirky or interesting, it’s over-long, it’s barely got a chorus. Out of all UK rap singles to hit the top 10, this is easily the most puzzling hit.

I’m also not exactly pleased about “Ransom” by Lil Tecca zooming up six spaces to become his first top 10 hit here in the UK... why?

Unfortunately, this means “How Do You Sleep?” by Sam Smith is down a spot to number-eight, and honestly this song is just growing on me.

Speaking of unfortunate, at number-nine is “So High” by MIST and Fredo, also down one space, and while I’m not that big of a fan of this song (Yet) or the discography in general, MIST has recently been stabbed, and he says he’s been recovering well, which is good, I just wanted to note that these things do happen to people who seem like they can’t be touched due to fame and success, especially recently. I hope he’s okay.

To elevate the mood, there is quite literally a Love Island anthem in the top 10, as Joel Corry and Hayley May get their first ever UK Top 10 hit with “Sorry” up six positions to #10. It’s not a bad song, but come on, guys, really?

Climbers

Outside of the Top 10, we have one climber and it’s not exactly notable either... Jax Jones and Bebe Rexha’s radio fodder “Harder” is up five spots to #25. I mean, when so much of the Top 40 is rap, I guess the radio’s got to have something to safely play without having their audience hear a bunch of censor bleeps every ten seconds.

Fallers

Now, we don’t exactly have many fallers, but a lot of them are very notable as these are massive hits dropping incredibly low, starting with #40 which is the top five hit “Location” by Dave featuring Burna Boy down a whopping twenty-three spaces and barely gripping onto that last spot in the chart, after having a brief rebound thanks to the video. While I prefer “Disaster”, “Streatham”, “Black” and pretty much all the songs on PSYCHODRAMA, I’m so happy that Dave and his album have had so much longevity and chart success considering how great this album is (Since this does seem to be the end of the album cycle). This year’s been very kind to British rap both mainstream and underground (Check out Little Simz, she’s mind-blowing) and this is definitely one of the achievements the genre can display proudly. Other than that, we have another top 10 hit in Sigala’s “Wish You Well” featuring Becky Hill dropping down 14 spaces to #38, as well as the faller I’m obviously the happiest about. Despite the fact there might be a rebound due to a video release, I’m going to live in blissful ignorance about that, since “Hold Me While You Wait” by Lewis Capaldi, which has been the worst song in the top 20 for like three straight months, is out of the top 20, falling 17 positions to #26. It’s not out of the chart entirely, but I’ll take it. Oh, and “Panini” by Lil Nas X is down five spaces to #36 but Thog don’t caare

Dropouts & Returning Entries

There aren’t any returning entries this week but since there are five new arrivals, there are obviously quite a lot of drop-outs. “Find U Again” by Mark Ronson featuring Camila Cabello is one of them, dropping out of the charts entirely from #37, which really sucks because that song is amazing. Otherwise, we have some notable but very much expected drop outs for “SOS” by the late Avicii featuring Aloe Blacc and its impressive chart run from #32, “You Need to Calm Down” by Taylor Swift out from #38 (God, what an awful song), “Vossi Bop” by Stormzy finally out from #39 (Although I think that song is great actually) and off of the sole debut last week, we have “Hot Girl Summer” by Megan Thee Stallion, Nicki Minaj and Ty Dolla $ign out from #40. I know American female rappers haven’t exactly crossed over here yet but I thought this would have least lasted a week, and it is a pretty damn good song, it’s got a video coming soon though so we’ll see what that’ll do.

NEW ARRIVALS

#34 – “Post Malone” – Sam Feldt featuring Rani

Produced by Sam Feldt – Peaked at #7 in Ireland

Sam Feldt is an irrelevant Dutch DJ, to put it bluntly. Two years ago, he made a song with Akon and that was his second biggest hit until 2019, second to his only actual hit, may I add. So, what better way to make a name for yourself in America than to go viral with a meme song that references pop culture and has a drop expressive enough for TikTok. Indeed, it worked, he was on the top of the Spotify Viral 50 with “Post Malone”, because if you want to keep your target white audience as an EDM-pop or rock artist, the only hip-hop artist you can seemingly admit to liking is Post Malone. Even the Jonas Brothers are shouting them out in (Absolutely dreadful) hit songs like “Cool”. It didn’t even work, by the way, it barely peaked in the top 10 of the American dance charts but it worked on like all of Europe, especially on the chart that isn’t actually in the EU, technically, maybe. Funnily enough, it’s not that big of a hit in his home country of the Netherlands, peaking at #85. I don’t know who RANI is, do you? Listen, it’s Feldt’s second UK Top 40 hit, his first since 2015, and it’s from his Magnets EP. RANI is a female singer who seems to specialise in being a puppet for EDM DJs, and had  a minor hit doing so with “Crying with the Sun” last year, but this is her first appearance on the UK Top 40. Hiring RANI seems to be the cheap option compared to an actual celebrity, the girl doesn’t even have a Wikipedia page, and the whole song in fact is really cheap, with a couple 2014-esque synths carrying a flat, tinny EDM beat until that chorus hits, and Jesus, this song was not meant to ever have “Post Malone” in the lyrics. It’s lodged in that chorus with all the care of a bull in a china shop with crowd cheering in the background before the generic build-up of hi-hats until a pretty simple vocaloid drop and yeah, I question why anyone thinks this song is worth listening to. The drop ends abruptly with literal silence instead of even transitioning into the verse all that well, which is lazy and nonsensical on his part because he’s going to have to transition this into other songs in a DJ set, he wants that to be smooth. Yeah, skip this, it’s trash, which is exactly what I expected.

#30 – “Motivation” – Normani featuring uncredited vocals by Ariana Grande

Produced by ILYA – Peaked at #20 in Belgium and Scotland, and #33 in the US

Fifth Harmony’s disbandment let one star really get a lot of shine, and that was Camila Cabello, who is still gathering a lot of success to this day, but what I didn’t expect is a push towards another pop girl with Normani, whose debut solo single has been racking up a lot of streams and chart success pretty much worldwide. It’s not that massive yet but it does have the potential to be, especially with the high-profile collaborations like Khalid and Sam Smith that Normani has been greeted with this past year by her label, so it seemed inevitable. I fully expected Normani to go the R&B route, probably a more throwback 90s style, and yeah, I was right, but I really didn’t expect a song this good. Written by Normani herself with Ariana Grande, ILYA and Max freaking Martin, this song is an earworm determined for success, and has hence become Normani’s third UK Top 40 single. Starting with an intriguing Ariana Grande-esque voice memo of some sort, it immediately lands into the bass-lead R&B beat that feels 90s and 2000s at the same time yet definitely modern due to Normani’s sultry vocals, but in the chorus, the kiss-off lead by harmonies and subtle background vocal samples from Grande feels very anthemic and almost sarcastic. I do feel like maybe it’s a bit too minimalistic of a debut single, but there are a lot of little quirks, including the eerie Caribbean vocal sample in the bridge coupled with a smooth horn section, and I don’t have much to say about this one evidently, but it succeeds on every level at just being a pretty perfect pop song. The idea of Normani telling her ex to “Think about it” afterwards isn’t a pledge from Normani here, though, it seems very much like she’s bragging and telling this guy to re-consider the fact that he dumped someone with a net worth more than his lifetime salary, it’s almost kind of hilarious how she sasses this guy around, especially in the verses. The title seems to be based around the fact that the guy ever had a girl as good as her... which is considered “motivation”. Well, that’s just pretty epic. Yeah, great song, and I’m really excited for whatever Normani does next.

#23 – “Lover” – Taylor Swift

Produced by Jack Antonoff and Taylor Swift – Peaked at #4 in Malaysia and #19 in the US

Ah, Taylor Swift and the messy roll-out of her newest album, Lover, which I have yet to really form an opinion on but it’s gotten a lot of positive reviews which I didn’t expect because of the absolute trainwrecks that were released as singles, such as “ME!” which the general public soon showed their distaste for, so much so that Swift had to edit out the most cringeworthy lyrics, “You Need to Calm Down” which had a very polarising reception mostly because of how people believed she was pandering to the LGBTQ+ community with the music video, and had some cringeworthy lyrics there too, but it was a bit more positive. Then things took a large turn for the better with the release of the promotional single “The Archer”, which a lot of people loved and seemed to think was a return to form, but I wasn’t impressed. It was boring, and while the songwriting is good, when there’s not a musical climax, it feels like a lot of wasted time and overall, the song feels like an overproduced synth-mush and I was really not a fan of that one, but it wasn’t awful... and it only peaked at #43 here. Then she released this song, which seemed to have shifted the public opinion on the album entirely, even among critics, because it’s a Jack Antonoff-produced return to the country pop sound of her previous work, and while “You Need to Calm Down” might have been pandering to LGBTQ+, I think this should be clowned more for pandering to Pitchfork, but I digress. Is the song any good? Well, it’s her 27th(!) UK Top 40 hit, and it might as well have convinced me too... mostly because this is a Christmas song – albeit a bit more of a intimate, downbeat, guitar-lead country ballad of a Christmas song, but with a direct reference to the holiday, I know what she’s going for. She sounds a lot better on the song than usual, I’m not a fan of Swift’s voice in general but she definitely uses it to her advantage here, staying mostly subdued on the verses until an admittedly janky pre-chorus, until that title drop, which is fantastic, especially with the bells and guitar that follows but honestly, the star here isn’t Swift. It’s the string section and the choir, who elevate that pre-chorus with a lot of cheery vocals and the plucky strings in both the bridge and the brief burst of violins in the second verse, really emphasise the lyrical theme of devotion. While I dispute the fact that Taylor Swift has ever heard a dirty joke in her life that wasn’t made by Kanye West, that bridge is incredible, and honestly this whole song is pretty great, and I think THIS is the return to form she needed. There’s a lot of genuine groove and swing to this ballad and the chorus is heavenly, and may I say that the cover art fits perfectly. This is good, check it out, next.

#22 – “Both” – Headie One

Produced by Nastylgia and PJ Pipe it Up

I’m going to be honest here; from what I’ve heard from Headie One, I don’t really like the guy. I don’t think he’s as witty or entertaining as his peers and more often than not, he’s just a tad dull, but with his seventh mixtape release, Music x Road, I have been somewhat intrigued to check it out since NME described it as “far from drill”, which means he is branching out and this could either be a surprise success or complete wretched failure. I believe this is Headie’s third UKTop 40 hit and, well, to be honest, it’s not that bad. I love that guitar loop, it sounds straight out of the intro to a metal song, and the way it’s pitch-shifted to act as an eerie synth is pretty cool when it gets to the verse; if I’m honest this trap beat is pretty great... and so is Headie. To say he doesn’t ride this beat would be a lie, I don’t like the guy that much but he bodies this, not with much wordplay obviously but his delivery is tough and very straight to the point, no-nonsense, which is interesting when being put against the gospel choir sample which is absolutely mangled and just kind of placed every couple bars, and it sounds great, really intense. I’m not sure how I feel about that bridge though, the subdued, mumbling flow with the distortion and Auto-Tune sounds cool but it kills the momentum and doesn’t really fit with the guitar-lead trap beat. I’d prefer maybe to get rid of that part entirely and just have the beat cut out for the start of the chorus without the transition, or have Headie harmonise with the sample from “Free” by Ultra Nate, that could have sounded pretty cool. As it is, it still bangs, and looking at the lyrics there’s a lot of detail I don’t usually see, and somehow he made peanut butter on oats sound cool, so you know what, Headie, I like this one. Check it out.

#18 – “Be Honest” – Jorja Smith featuring Burna Boy

Produced by Cadenza and IzyBeats

Jorja Smith has had a pretty quiet 2019. After 2018 and her BRIT Award wins and impressive performance, she’s understandably laid low with only a couple of features including one on my favourite British rapper Loyle Carner’s second album, but this seems to be the birth of the roll-out for her sophomore effort, or at least a standalone single. I didn’t really like Jorja Smith because I knew her for her EDM collaborations but after listening to Lost & Found, I’m not going to lie, I really enjoyed her UK garage and trip hop-infused brand of R&B, especially the single “Blue Lights” and her sample on AJ Tracey’s banger “Ladbroke Grove”, which added to the song immensely. A new song from Jorja won’t connect with me at first, they never do, she’s one of the artists who has to grow on me, but I like Burna Boy to an extent so I doubt this’ll be any less than decent... and yeah, it’s not bad. I like the sweet guitar and synths/flute(?) that start off the song as the primary melody (which I believe is a sample) and the steady drum beat adds to the tropical, summery feeling of the track. Jorja sounds great as always, with a pretty sensual performance she can do pretty well, but the chorus is pretty weak and I feel a tad underwritten. Burna Boy’s verse is pretty fun and bouncy but this isn’t standing out to me as anything that great initially. It’s definitely not bad, but underwritten and a tad sub-par perhaps. Also, I like the horns in the final chorus but it’s too little too late at that point.

Conclusion

Honestly, this is a pretty great week on the chart, with four out of five new arrivals that I quite enjoy, and the Summer-Autumn transition is looking good. Best of the Week is tough but I’ll give it to Taylor Swift for “Lover” – hey, I’m a sucker for Christmas songs – and a tied Honourable Mention to Normani and Headie One for “Motivation” and “Both”, while there’s nothing worth a Dishonourable Mention here other than our Worst of the Week, going to Sam Feldt and RAMI for whatever “Post Malone” is. Follow me on Twitter @cactusinthebank for more musical ramblings and I’ll see you next week!

[emedhelp]

Med Students Are Doing Vaginal Exams on Unconscious, Non-Consenting Patients

When Ari Silver-Isenstadt was attending the University of Pennsylvania Medical School in the 90s, another student warned him about something that might happen during his OB/GYN rotation: A supervising surgeon might ask him and other students to perform a pelvic exam on a woman under anesthesia without her knowledge or explicit consent. The move would be just for practice and not for her medical benefit. To perform the exam, students insert two gloved fingers into the patient’s vagina and place one hand on her pelvis in order to feel the uterus and ovaries. Multiple medical students might do this, and patients would have no idea any of it happened.

The practice of using non-consenting, unconscious patients as pelvic-exam training tools for medical students has continued to an unknown degree across the country since Silver-Isenstadt, now a pediatrician in Baltimore, first learned about it. It happens not only during gynecological surgeries, but also in the midst of unrelated procedures like stomach surgery. As a student, Silver-Isenstadt was ready to avoid doing such an exam at all costs, and his refusal became part of a movement to end the practice—an effort that would ultimately lead to statewide bans, first in California in 2003, then in Illinois, Virginia, Oregon, Hawaii, Iowa, Utah, and Maryland.

While some individual medical schools like Harvard ban it, the practice remains legal in 42 states. For some current medical students—like Savanah Harshbarger, who enrolled at the Duke University School of Medicine in 2016—these pelvic exams are still routine. “I estimate that I did about 10 of these exams last year,” she said.

There is no federal legislation regarding unauthorized exams. Despite people being concerned about the ethics of the practice for decades, this issue hasn’t garnered sustained national attention. But in the #MeToo era, that may be beginning to change.

“I estimate that I did about 10 of these exams last year.”

In 2007, Ashley Weitz was admitted to the hospital in Utah for extreme nausea, and her doctor anesthetized her when other treatments weren’t working. Weitz, who is a rape survivor, woke up to find the doctor examining her genitals, and began screaming. But it wasn’t until years later, when she learned about the movement against unauthorized pelvic exams, that she realized it was ethically wrong. “Not only did this feel like a violation, it absolutely was a violation,” Weitz said.

Weitz said testifying about her experience in support of Utah's law in February was nerve-racking, especially because she expected there to be other women at the hearing at the state house with similar experiences, but she was the only one. Given the nature of these exams, people don’t know if it's happened to them. She said it was “a very healing practice to say 'this shouldn't happen to me, it shouldn't be happening in the way that it is happening in an institution.'” But there are still parts of the incident that she hasn’t recovered from. “It changed the way that I sought and received medical care,” she said. “I was, you know, thereafter very certain that I was never going to be sedated or unconscious in a manner that would have allowed that situation to happen again. So it was in itself very traumatizing.”

Utah's ban, which requires both medical students and doctors to get specific consent to perform pelvic exams on anesthetized women, was signed into law at the end of March. Its success seemed to hinge entirely on Weitz's testimony, said Robin Fretwell Wilson, a law professor at the University of Illinois who specializes in medical ethics and advocated for the bill’s passage. Wilson herself has been pushing to stop unauthorized pelvic exams for nearly two decades, and has been an influential player in the passage of the early handful of laws banning it.

Wilson first heard about it when she was on a statewide ethics committee for medical schools in South Carolina and a medical student came to her about the practice. "I thought, 'Surely, no, there's no way that anybody is going to teach abnormal or normal anatomy by using patients without asking them.' And so we start digging behind it. And it turned out in fact, they were, and they weren't even very embarrassed by it."

In the early 2000s, Wilson investigated the practice for the Federal Trade Commission (FTC). Opponents of the bills say the general consent forms patients sign when they enter teaching hospitals should be enough, but advocates want specific consent for pelvic exams done for educational purposes. Professional groups agree that it's ethically wrong to use unconsenting patients to practice procedures that don’t benefit them.

"I thought, 'Surely, no, there's no way that anybody is going to teach abnormal or normal anatomy by using patients without asking them.' And so we start digging behind it. And it turned out in fact, they were, and they weren't even very embarrassed by it."

Just this year, Wilson said, bills banning unauthorized exams have been introduced in 11 states: Connecticut, Maryland, Minnesota, Missouri, Nebraska, New Hampshire, New York, Oklahoma, Washington, Texas, and Utah. (New York's bill would also ban rectal or prostate exams done without explicit consent. Like unauthorized pelvic exams, there haven't been studies estimating the frequency of similar rectal or prostate exams, but there is anecdotal evidence that they occur.) Wilson said although she’s been denouncing this practice for decades, she’s “elated” that things finally seem to be changing.

The #MeToo movement has helped people like Weitz better understand that the violations they endure are part of a wider cultural problem. Arthur L. Caplan, the founding head of the division of medical ethics at NYU School of Medicine, believes that #MeToo, along with other cultural shifts, has helped draw attention to the fact that these unauthorized exams are still happening.

Last May, Caplan wrote an op-ed condemning the practice after a medical student reached out saying he’d been asked to do such an exam—Caplan was surprised the practice was still occurring. Since his op-ed, Caplan said he's received emails from a few other students in different parts of the country who said they’d also been asked and were dismayed. (He notes that NYU's policy is to obtain consent or use paid subjects.)

The fact that students speak about these exams at all marks a change, Caplan said. “They felt more empowered to say 'this isn't good.'” He said medical school is “a little less hierarchical, a little less tyrannical than it was.” Caplan thinks this change coincides with an increased focus on medical ethics across the country. While in the early 90s, when Silver-Isenstadt was a medical student, one third to half of the schools had a required medical ethics program. Almost every medical and nursing school has one now, Caplan said—but students are still likely to feel pressure to keep quiet.

Silver-Isenstadt works with medical students at teaching hospitals, and said he’s also noticed a change in their attitudes as more bans are introduced, including in Maryland, where he works. (He is a professor of clinical pediatrics but isn't cleared to speak on behalf of his affiliated universities.) While he had always been careful to work with his students to “vaccinate them against getting trained in a way where they think they have a right to another person’s body,” he said that, just in the last six months or so, students have started to tell him that his lessons are “idiosyncratic.” They insist unauthorized pelvic exams aren’t something that’s done anymore, while before, many of the students he pulled aside told him they'd already had to do it.

On the other hand, some medical students, like Harshbarger, don’t see this as a big ethical issue. She said students at Duke feel comfortable debating practices like this, but it still doesn’t come up much. “To the contrary, joining the field of medicine feels somewhat like joining a secret society—there are things we see, hear, touch, and smell that are foreign or unimaginable to most people in the outside world, things that stay with you, things that each of us carry around daily. Medicine has its own rules, hierarchies, and principles, and the practice of pelvic exams performed under anesthesia appears to be very far down on the list of things that meet the threshold for conversation, both in terms of morality and notability,” Harshbarger said. She added that she does think informed consent forms should be clearer about the specific things that might happen to patients.

It's clear that it's still happening, but there’s little recent research to show how common this practice is across the country. The data we do have comes largely from the era when Silver-Isenstadt first began grappling with this issue 20 years ago.

"Joining the field of medicine feels somewhat like joining a secret society—there are things we see, hear, touch, and smell that are foreign or unimaginable to most people in the outside world."

After the day a classmate told Silver-Isenstadt he might be pressured to do an unauthorized pelvic exam, he began behaving in a way that could have cost him his degree: He started showing up late to OB/GYN surgeries and procedures on purpose. If he wasn't in the room when the directive was issued, he wouldn't have to comply. Life in medical school was regulated by a strict hierarchy and philosophy—doctors determine students’ grades, which can affect where they get placed for residencies—and Silver-Isenstadt had no desire to actively challenge that structure. He just hoped he could keep his head down and make it through without having to do something he considered morally compromising. His perspective was heavily influenced by his wife, Jean, a doctoral student in history and sociology of medicine at the time, who "help[ed] me have sort of a meta view of my own training."

But of course, people noticed that he wasn’t showing up to surgeries on time. He had to meet with the dean, and they eventually came to a deal. In exchange for Silver-Isenstadt not exposing the school to the Philadelphia Inquirer, he would be allowed to graduate without performing the exam. As part of the arrangement, he also took a year off to study the ethical implications of practice at Penn’s School of Education—and that work would later become part of a nationwide push to stop unauthorized pelvic exams in teaching hospitals.

The study he subsequently conducted at five Pennsylvania medical schools made waves after it was published in the American Journal of Obstetrics and Gynecology in 2003. News outlets jumped all over the statistic that more than 90 percent of students surveyed had done such an exam. Silver-Isenstadt also asked students how they felt about this practice at different points throughout medical school and demonstrated that, while at first they were uncomfortable with it, they eventually became used to the idea.

Lawmakers noticed. Some of the first states to enact bans cited research including his 2003 paper. Illinois passed a law in 2004 but since then, legislative action has happened in spurts several years apart.

Today, it's a similar cycle of med students, research, and media coverage that appears to be driving change. Phoebe Friesen, a postdoctoral fellow at Oxford University with an interest in bioethics, first learned about the practice while leading a bioethics seminar for students at Mount Sinai Hospital in New York City, where she worked from 2014 to 2017. Several brought up unauthorized pelvic exams as a concern—giving her a chance to help them question the ethics of the exams.

“Space to reflect is so important,” she said, adding that medical students are “getting bombarded with really wild experiences over and over throughout the day, like things they've never encountered. I think it's hard to sort of pick out which of these are problematic for what reasons and which ones are weird but maybe okay.”

Like Silver-Isenstadt, Friesen decided to grapple with the practice through research. Her paper, published in Bioethics last year, took up ethical questions relating to unauthorized pelvic exams—like why a pelvic exam has specific moral implications. Friesen wrote that these exams occur “during an extremely vulnerable moment, when [the patient] is both undressed and unconscious, and most in need of a physician who is deserving of trust.”

Her work has driven some of the renewed attention to the issue, and is part of a shift toward recognizing the importance of true informed consent. After Friesen wrote about exams done without consent for Slate, she said some people were able to see them in the context of the Me Too movement, while others were still skeptical. “Some people were very angry, some denied this would ever happen, others were horrified and outraged," she said. "A couple women online said they had experienced this and began using #metoopelvic.”

Wilson said things were different in the early 2000s, when she was investigating unauthorized pelvic exams to make a presentation for an FTC hearing. At the time, medical school faculty “were more than willing to stand their ground and say, ‘not only do we do it, but the patients in our hospitals have a duty to participate.’” Caplan agrees that, 15 years ago, many schools “did not see it as an issue.” The argument went like this: If you asked patients for permission, they’d say no, and that would deny valuable training to medical students. In today’s culture, Wilson said, it’s harder for medical faculty to stand up and say that consent for this exam doesn’t matter. And surveys show that most patients would consent to an exam under anesthesia if they were asked.

Silver-Isenstadt fears that even if these exams are legally banned in more states, the law will be hard to enforce. In order for authorities to find out, students would need to both be aware of the law and willing to report wrongdoing by their supervisors, so he’s hoping the culture is what will ultimately change. Friesen agrees that it’s necessary to “really teach students that asking is important, before you use somebody's body to learn something, even if it's, you know, a good thing you're learning in order to help them.”

Follow Hannah Harris Green on Twitter.

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[wp-yahoo-style-1042-yahoopa-blog]

Ivanka Trump is closing her controversial namesake fashion brand

First daughter Ivanka Trump is closing her namesake brand. (Photo: Getty Images)

First daughter Ivanka Trump has shuttered her namesake clothing brand “ASAP” and layoffs have begun, more than one year after she distanced herself from the brand.

“When we first started this brand, no one could have predicted the success that we would achieve,” Trump said in a statement, according to The Hollywood Reporter. “After 17 months in Washington, I do not know when or if I will ever return to the business, but I do know that my focus for the foreseeable future will be the work I am doing here in Washington, so making this decision now is the only fair outcome for my team and partners.”

Company president Abigail Klem added, “We are incredibly proud of the brand we have built and the content and product we’ve developed for our customers. Our platform has become an indispensable resource for our loyal community of women. We’ve seen strong sales since the brand’s inception, which continued through this year with the successful launch of our rapidly growing e-commerce business.”

Ivanka Trump is saying goodbye to her namesake brand. (Photo: Getty Images)

“It’s just never recovered since she stepped away from the company,” a source told Page Six of the company Trump launched in 2007. Market Watch also reported that Klem broke the news to her 18 employees Tuesday, while Trump herself is expected to speak to the staff. 

Since Trump accepted her role as assistant to the president, her fashion brand has been under attack. Per the Wall Street Journal, she often showcases her own designs (for example, between March and October 2017, she wore her brand in 46 of 68 photos posted to social media) and was often accused of being a “walking billboard.”

As Guian McKee, Ph.D., a professor of presidential studies at the University of Virginia told the Journal,” Ivanka Trump is testing the boundaries on federal rules that bar government employees from using their position to promote brands that personally enrich them.” 

Say goodbye to Ivanka Trump’s clothing company. (Photo: Getty Images)

The clothing brand was categorized as unpatriotic for not making the majority of its clothes in America and for using a Chinese factory that severely underpaid its workers, only offering them about $60 a week. As NBC News reports, the unnamed factory produces multiple fashion brands, not limited to that of Trump.

Social media was also upset that the brand did not offer maternity leave to its employees, as alleged by former worker Marissa Velex Kraxberger in a 2016 Facebook post. Klem has since clarified that the brand has offered maternity leave since 2017, saying “business was new” during Velex Kraxberger’s tenure.

In 2017, counselor to the president Kellyanne Conway was admonished for promoting Trump’s brand on television — and possibly violating rules set by the Office of Government Ethics — telling “Fox & Friends,” “It’s a wonderful line. I own some of it. I fully — I’m going to give a free commercial here. Go buy it today, everybody. You can find it online.” According to Politico, Conway “been counseled on that subject, and that’s it.” 

Trump’s brand also landed on the #GrabYourWallet list, a movement aimed at discouraging business for companies affiliated with the first family. Due in part to the list, Trump’s clothing has been pulled from various department stores such as Neiman Marcus, Jet.com, Nordstrom, DSW, and most recently Canadian store Hudson’s Bay.

Read more from Yahoo Lifestyle: 

Twitter Attacks Ivanka Trump Over ‘Clarifying’ Op-Ed On Breastfeeding Policy

Ivanka Trump out of fashion at Canadian retailer

Ivanka Trump’s Clothing Line Pulled From Yet Another Department Store

Follow us on Instagram, Facebook, and Twitter for nonstop inspiration delivered fresh to your feed, every day.

[othersportsnews-blog]

Madison Bumgarner goes five innings to get to start with acquire of time

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Madison Bumgarner goes five innings to get to start with acquire of time

SAN FRANCISCO — Giants pitcher Madison Bumgarner noticed no rationale to make a significant offer about his to start with acquire of the year, even if it came significantly deeper into the time than anyone expected.

In a time that prolonged in the past spun out of control for both equally San Francisco and its ace, Bumgarner was happier seeing the having difficulties Giants have a person of their finest online games of the year.

Bumgarner authorized a person run about five innings, and the Giants beat the Pittsburgh Pirates 11-three on Tuesday night time.

“It was great to be on the board now independently,” Bumgarner said. “But which is not what it truly is about. It is about us successful online games, and we played seriously fantastic tonight.”

Eduardo Nunez drove in two runs in his last game with San Francisco as he was traded to Boston for two slight leaguers. The veteran infielder was pulled in the fifth inning and was afterwards noticed on tv shaking arms with several teammates in the Giants’ clubhouse. The offer was declared a couple minutes soon after the last out.

Bumgarner also singled and scored, Buster Posey experienced 3 hits and an RBI, and Joe Panik included a bases-loaded triple as having difficulties San Francisco won for only the fifth time in sixteen online games.

Josh Harrison singled two times for the Pirates, who fell at the rear of 9- and couldn’t recover. Pittsburgh stranded seven runners in the to start with five innings, together with four in scoring situation.

Making his 3rd start since coming off the disabled record soon after approximately 3 months subsequent a dust bicycle incident in Colorado on April twenty, Bumgarner (one-4) was largely sharp though quieting a powerful Pittsburgh lineup and ending the Pirates’ seven-game successful streak at AT&T Park.

Three decades soon after pitching a full game to beat Pittsburgh in the NL wild-card game en route to remaining named the 2014 Planet Sequence MVP, Bumgarner pitched out of a pair of early jams, authorized 6 hits and experienced four strikeouts.

“He did a great occupation,” San Francisco manager Bruce Bochy said. “I am guaranteed he is glad to get that [to start with acquire] taken treatment of. Once he went five that was enough.”

It is the to start with acquire by a Giants starting up pitcher since July 5.

Jameson Taillon (six-4) took the loss, supplying up ten runs in 3 innings.

“I failed to make fantastic pitches after they bought runners on,” Taillon said. “They failed to waste any time. They experienced a merry-go-round going.”

UMPIRE GOES DOWN

Posey lined a one that strike next-base umpire Ed Hickox in the foot and knocked him down in the fifth inning. Hickox little by little bought to his feet and was attended to by a member of the Giants’ health-related staff but remained in the game.

TRAINER’S Area

Giants: RHP Johnny Cueto could need to have to make a rehab start in advance of rejoining the rotation. Cueto has been hindered by blisters on numerous fingers of his pitching hand, an issue that has lingered for considerably of the earlier thirty day period. The appropriate-hander played catch from one zero five feet in advance of the game. Pablo Sandoval moved from Solitary-A San Jose to Triple-A Sacramento as he carries on to consider to perform his way back into the significant leagues. RHP Chris Stratton was recalled from Sacramento and IF Orlando Calixte was optioned down.

UP Next

RHP Jeff Samardzija (4-11, 5.05 Period) pitches the finale for the Giants, looking for to beat Pittsburgh for the next time this time, though RHP Trevor Williams (4-4, 4.74 Period) takes the mound for the Pirates on the lookout for his fourth acquire in the earlier five road starts off.

Resource url

[caveartfair]

What’s behind the Explosive Growth of New York’s Design Week

Installation view of “Room With Its Own Rules” at CHAMBER. Photo by David Brandon Geeting. Courtesy of CHAMBER.

By the 24th of this month, more than 500 design-related events will take place across New York City—and that’s just the official NYCxDesign calendar. There are also showroom events, private brand dinners, auctions, art and design fairs and other happenings that, together with the busy spring art season, make May the most action-packed few weeks in New York City. In recent years, the city’s design week presence has exploded from a small, industry-focused trade show to an all-out design festival—and this year promises to be bigger than ever.

Much like the art and fashion industries before it, the design world now increasingly adheres to an international circuit that hops from Paris Design Week and London Design Festival each September to Milan’s Salone del Mobile in April, with additional stops ranging from Cape Town to Cologne to Copenhagen. But it’s the Italian show that’s the epicenter of it all, with a multitude of events surrounding Salone, which alone drew over 343,000 attendees from 165 countries to the Rho fairgrounds over the course of six days this April—not to mention the events and exhibitions from influential brands from Cassina to IKEA that converge in hubs around the city.

It can be a grueling exercise, and just weeks after the festival ends, many of the same figures reunite in New York for the city’s own design week. Historically, the New York festival centers around the International Contemporary Furniture Fair (ICFF), which is in its 29th year and takes place at the Jacob K. Javits Center on Manhattan’s far West Side. This year’s ICFF (May 21–24) will feature some 800 exhibitors, about 50 percent of them from outside the U.S., and 35,000 people are expected to attend the show.

Waiting Room. Photo by Nicholas Knight. ©The Isamu Noguchi Foundation and Garden Museum, New York. Robert Stadler, Artists Rights Society (ARS).

It’s a dramatic change from early iterations of the trade show, which once felt like little more than a rehash of Milan with just the four main Italian brands, says publicist Beth Dickstein, a spokesperson for city’s design establishment. She recently celebrated the 20th anniversary of her publicity firm, bde, which represents brands like Alessi, Flavor Paper, and the Be Original initiative to promote authentic design.

While much of the to-the-trade commerce happens at ICFF, smaller satellites around the city aim to speak directly to collectors and enthusiasts, with events branching into museums, retail spaces, and even restaurants around all five boroughs. For the past five years, many of these events have been consolidated on the official NYCxDesign calendar, an initiative officially run by the city’s Economic Development Corporation (EDC; though it engages several city organizations), as an effort to link the many disparate events under a single umbrella. This year it runs from May 3rd to 24th.

“It’s a marathon, not a sprint anymore,” says Sarah Natkins, the New York head of Camron, a publicity firm that represents many of the city’s most influential young design brands. This month, Camron will host some 23 events around the city ranging from a VR-enabled exhibition at The Future Perfect, to a show of female designers curated by Matylda Krzykowski at Chamber, to launches at the MoMA Design Store.

It’s a crowded calendar that puts an onus on brands to break out with unconventional presentations and memorable collaborations—to debut new work not seen in Milan that can capture hungry social media-savvy audiences. While some systems exist to support young designers at the various fairs, it can still be costly to participate, with entry-level events starting at about $10,000–$20,000. And though New York presentations don’t reach the massive proportions of their Milanese counterparts, budgets are only limited by the scale of a designer’s imagination.

Installation view of Yancey Richardson’s booth at Collective Design 2017. Photo by Clemens Kois. Courtesy of Collective Design.

New York design “week” this year is spread over three weeks, but usually—and again in the future, when ICFF returns to its ordinary place on the schedule, closer to mid-month—it lasts about two. In addition to ICFF, a handful of smaller fairs anchor the calendar, beginning with Collective Design, which celebrated its fifth edition last week. The brainchild of Steven Learner, Collective is known for mixing art with collectible furniture and design. This year’s fair included ceramics from South Korea and brands like Apparatus; booths from photography galleries Yancey Richardson and Yossi Milo; a silver tinsel entryway-installation by the Rockwell Group; and even a pop-up of Marc Jacobs’s Bookmarc shop. An architect and designer himself, Learner started the fair when he tired of having to leave the city to discover great design at fairs like Design Miami/. (“Design Miami/’s great, New York has nothing, and it’s not okay for New York to be second to Miami,” he recalls thinking.)

“There are 55,000 designers working in New York—it’s more than twice as many as the next two largest concentrations, in Los Angeles and Paris,” Learner explains. “That market needs to be served. We have more curators, collectors, museums, galleries—it is a concentration.”

Like Collective, Wanted Design, which hosts events in Brooklyn’s Industry City (May 17–23) and Manhattan’s Terminal Stores (May 20–23) this month, grew out of the need for a forum for substantive design conversation at a time when new design communities were emerging in cities from Detroit to Seattle. Founded in 2011 by Odile Hainaut and Claire Pijoulat, Wanted Design takes a distinctly international approach, bringing together contingents of new talent as part of group exhibitions representing Mexico and Holland, along with homegrown design initiatives like the American Design Honors (which this year celebrates Eugene, Oregon’s Studio Gorm).

“[New York has] a design festival that’s attracting more and more international visitors and international backing, because New York is a city that people want to come to,” notes Hainaut. “And the U.S. market is a key market for all international brands, so I think it was needed and successful the way NYCxDesign is growing.”

As events have popped up around the city, ICFF has grown rapidly as well, and it too has expanded its focus to include more special sections including the ICFF Gallery and the Luxe Interiors and Design Pavilion. In fact, since 2014 alone, the fair has more than doubled in size.

Installation view of Galerie Negropontes’s booth at Collective Design 2017. Courtesy of Collective Design.

The strength of the show underscores the fact that the U.S. economy has recovered since the financial crash a decade ago, while Europe still struggles to bounce back. It also offers designers from emerging economies an audience that may be willing to spend more for design than in their local markets. While the city’s Economic Development Corporation hasn’t released attendance numbers from previous editions of NYCxDesign (it’s a key goal this year), the event’s impact is certainly felt around the city, and it’s something they plan to continue to grow, looking at international events like Salone for inspiration. “Our goal is to make it feel like wherever you are in the city you’re aware that it’s NYCxDesign,” says Ed Hogikyan, the EDC’s SVP of marketing.

The growth of design week’s presence in New York reflects an increasing appetite for design from the general cultural community, thanks in part to the popularization by online publications and tastemakers like Sight Unseen, which was founded in 2009 and launched a fair of their own, Sight Unseen OFFSITE in 2014 (originally it was called the Noho Design District).

Like many at the time, founders Monica Khemsurov and Jill Singer noticed there was a new wave of designers emerging in New York that weren’t finding employment with major brands after the financial crash. But in recession-shocked New York, these creatives struck out on their own, building a network of design, manufacturing, and retail in the city led by brands like Roll & Hill, Fort Standard, and Calico Wallpaper. At the same time, a new wave of galleries like Friedman Benda (which is currently celebrating its 10th anniversary) emerged, offering support to young designers like Misha Kahn, who were working in a conceptual rather than commercial vein.  

For this year’s OFFSITE show (May 19–22), the Sight Unseen team is scaling back from 75 exhibitors to 24, to focus on polished brands like Iacoli & McAllister and Moscow’s Crosby Studios, as well as projects like a VR exhibition with online art seller Twyla.

Installation view of works at Crosby Studios. Courtesy of Sight Unseen OFFSITE.

“A great strength of New York’s design month that’s even better than in the past is this sense of having lots of small presentations all over the city that are new work, interesting voices, not just the same old stuff, really thought-out considered presentations—exciting experiences and environments in which to see design,” says Khemsurov. This year they’ll be bringing design brands to venues around the city, including Lalito and Mission Chinese, through the Sight Unseen Presents initiative. “Fashion Week takes over New York. Why does Fashion Week get to take over New York and design week is just something that happens for a small niche of people? Let’s integrate it into food and fashion and lifestyle and take over.”

As events proliferate around the city, many now see New York as an established design destination in its own right. Early last week, Natkins found herself at a post-event dinner, talking shop with about two dozen members of the city’s design community—a scene that, she notes, felt more like Milan than earlier editions of New York’s design week. And she’s not alone.

“I think we are must-see at this point. NYCxDesign is in its fifth year, firmly planted,” says Learner. “Except for the apocalypse, we’ll be back here next May.”

—Heather Corcoran

from Artsy News

[find-your-rp-partner]

etched in stone

Hello! I go by M, for the most part. It’s one of my favorite letters, so without a doubt, I’d like to think of it as my unofficial online call sign. Currently, I am in the Eastern Time Zone, but I’m fairly versatile with roleplaying alongside with others from different timezones (with minor exceptions to GMT, and those with more than 5 hours ahead or behind). I’ve found that those interactions simply don’t work all that well in terms of keeping in touch, and I’ve had to discontinue two partners simply because the time difference was too much. But I digress from that! Twenty-six years of age, and I have been roleplaying for over 10 years, so I have a good deal of experience in my humblest opinion.

I figure that’s enough about myself; now to get to the main reason you’re all reading this, and that is because I have been looking for roleplayers with the coming of this new year, someone to keep my muse levels high and my writing always on point while I maintain having two jobs, as well as a burgeoning social life. Someone easygoing yet creative with a vivid imagination to bring ideas to form is highly desired in a writer.

This request is not for the faint of heart, and those who have considerable limits, hesitations, and triggers are likely not going to be a good match. Just fair warning.

WRITING

I am a multi-paragraph sort of writer, which means that frequently, my writing will exceed at least 600 words, and upward of 1000+ words. I love detail and description, and I am actively seeking someone of the same infamy. Once upon a time, I managed to keep up with a story that teetered around 3000+ per reply with someone, still maintaining the same detailed descriptive writing, and I definitely wouldn’t mind having that challenge once more.

GENRES / PAIRINGS / FACES

I exclusively play male characters in mxf pairings with any smut or romantic attachment, this is non-negotiable. I fully understand and respect roleplayers who are able to play both males and females and nonbinary characters in different pairings. I simply don’t have that versatility, as when I’ve played them in the past, there was an innate in-authenticity that I felt. On the other hand, I am a bit more versatile when it comes to genres and settings that I like to play in. Supernatural is my absolute bread and butter, especially urban and gothic fantasy. Anything to do with vampires, werewolves, demons, witches, shapeshifters, mutants, other urban creature of folklore, given some sort of modern day spun, is absolutely perfect for me. I also really love science fiction in its many forms. Primarily, I take my sci-fi craving inspirations from Star Wars, Mass Effect, and Destiny. I’ve also been slowly intrigued by zombie-less post-apocalyptic storylines, something where the cataclysm is not necessarily caused by rabid zombies (I’m not a big fan of the stereotypical zombies portrayed in The Walking Dead and stuff), but something with either a lethal virus, or a planetary disaster, like an extreme coronal mass ejection.

Another genre that I’ve slowly found interest in includes that of the superhero genre. I’m a big fan of both Marvel and DC fandom, and the concept of having superhumans, humans with abilities, anything of that short would be awesome to do. Against, these would be with original characters on my part. I’m not as fond of general real-life or general modern day genres and themes without a good, complex idea attached to it.

One thing I really love to employ in my roleplays would be face claims, faces, playbys, picture bases, however you call it nowadays. Like I said, I started out roleplaying on forums like proboards, and later, jcink and invisionfree, so face claims are quite prevalent for me. This would only be real-life pictures, and not anime or drawings. We can use the latter for reference points, but I would ideally like face claims to be involved. In terms of looks and stuff, I’ve generally gone for a variety of different guys for who I use to represent my characters. Two of my favorite faces are Tom Hardy and Charlie Hunnam: I can use them for anything. I’ve also had a penchant for guys like Richard Armitage, Marlon Teixeira, Chadwick Boseman, Jason Momoa, and Ed Skrein. For women, my characters playing against, I like to go for an even greater assortment of faces. From actresses like Natalie Dormer, Katie McGrath, Deborah Ann Woll, and Olivia Wilde, models like Adriana Lima and Candice Swanepoel, glamour models like Lucy Collett, Lucy Pinder, and Billie Faiers, alternative models like Sara Fabel and Kelly Eden, and even adult faces like Christy Mack and Nikki Benz – you name them, I’m probably interested in them. So the flexibility is highly wanted.

WORLD BUILDING

I want an active roleplayer in this category, without a doubt. i love to world-build, but I tend to lose interest when I am the only one who puts in the effort to world-build. Too often I find people gun-shy in this regard. If I feel that I’m carrying the weight of the world-building part with specific ideas, I will end the roleplay in a heartbeat. And consider that the world building is just the tip of the beginning, so from that, I’ll be able to see whether we’ll be a match or not. Because we’d be starting from scratch with whatever we do, it would be a big relief to have someone who doesn’t mind letting ideas flow to set up the universe that we will be roleplaying in. That way, I feel as though we would both be extremely immersed into the roleplay. Let’s create lively planets with vast underground criminal empires, ot a galaxy far, far away, or galaxies far, far away.

MATURE CONTENT

I enjoy writing smut, plain and simple. I don’t hinder myself – or I try not to – in what I write, the exact extremeness and depth and detail, and I expect my partner to do the same. Maybe not extremeness in a total and complete smutfest (but really, I wouldn’t be opposed), but I do like a variety of things that can be incorporated along with a fascinating story. Some kinks I love include BDSM, incest, the unholy trinity (oral, anal, and such), dubious consent, hair-pulling, those sorts of things. A particularly darker kink that is not explored enough for me is pregnancy/impregnation/breeding. Also, since I love things like psychological trauma and experimentation (in science fiction and supernatural context), those are also highly desired. The manipulation of someone’s mind, body, and soul, combined with elements of corruption and body alteration/transformation – love. These lean more on this smuttier side of the roleplaying, which I like to fashion it as a coin; heads being the smut, tails being the story. I tend to think of them as two halves of a whole and complete experience, and you simply cannot have one without the other.

I’ve bulleted the major kinks/mature themes that I want to explore.

Psychological torment. Again, I really enjoy this sort of roleplaying, challenging the mind, characters in situations where they ultimately do not recover from it mentally, where their psychological profile is irrevocably changed.

The unholy trinity. Oral, anal, vaginal sex. Like I said, I enjoy my smut, I’m shameless, don’t care much for judging.

Corruption. Easily one of my favorite themes to explore, and it doesn’t have to just be as simple as sexual corruption, turning a poor innocent girl and debasing her to the point of no return. Something as simple as a hardened person, forged from the rigors of life, suddenly finding themselves in a position of finer things. Of wealth, of relaxation. That can sow the seeds into a slow descent into something illegal, lewd, or all of the above. And they can view it as the ultimate freedom from that hardship.

Drugs. The exploration of a person’s psyche that forces them to turn to recreational drugs to cope with whatever situations they have.

Vanity, body alterations. This can be through different genres and for different reasons. Imperfections are everywhere, and I love roleplaying themes where the characters will go through whatever means. Larger breasts and a more voluptuous curves in order to make money or ascend higher in the economic sphere. Modified abs, cosmetic surgery, all of those things would be included.

Taboo pairings. Specifically incest or interracial. I’ve not tried mother/son pairings, but i’d like to see if anyone is up for that. I’m also good with father/daughter and brother/sister pairings, but those would be primarily for science fiction and urban fantasy.

Gore. I don’t mind there being a little or a good deal. With urban fantasy, you can expect this, because I tend to play creatures as vicious, war-mongering, and unapologetic about tapping into their bestial natures.

Bad endings. What if happily ever after isn’t so happily after all? What if the main character doesn’t get the job done, what if there is no fairytale ending, and what results is heartache, pain, misery? Or delight, freedom, and inspiration?

Pregnancy. Impregnation. Breeding. Demons need to procreate to get their army, no? They need to find that special someone who can unearth their demonic spawn and destroy their adversaries. Or, for a more subversive notion, a simple one=night stand ends up being nine months of sheer interest and intrigue for the involved coupling. I lean toward the former, having had some basis in erotic roleplaying in the past, so the more odd themes of this are welcomed. But normal pregnancy with the right plot is also quite fun.

Again, I can’t stress this enough. These themes are going to be darker by nature. While I don’t believe in a purely smut or purely story-centered roleplay, the fact of the matter is that I’m looking for someone who can and has no problem with handling those themes. For me, I’m alright if you have any particular aversion to rape (I’ll never pressure anyone for this) and things like scat and watersports (I’m personally not okay with those latter two), but I’d like it if everything else was fair game. So BDSM, incest, the exploration of similar themes and such.

The only limits I have in this regard would include scat and watersports, those things of that nature. I generally do not mind non-consensual stories that start off that way initially, but over time change (and I know that that isn’t how non-consensual sex works in real life). However, I honestly do not mind it at all if that theme is not included at all since I know that it can be a particular trigger to some..

INSPIRATIONS / FANDOMS

I have many different inspirations when it comes to what I roleplay and how I generally approach a roleplay through my characters, the setting, and such. For urban fantasy roleplays, I’ll take different sets of lore for creatures and create my own, not following any specific script, to say the least. Things from Buffy the Vampire Slayer, True Blood, Vampires The Masquerade, for instance, would cater to my urban fantasy cravings. Bonus points for anyone familiar with video game franchises like Mass Effect, Dragon Age, Street Fighter, Mortal Kombat, Destiny, Borderlands, Overwatch. Now, I don’t necessarily roleplay these fandoms to the tee, and I wouldn’t play any canon characters from it. I would, however, love to play opposite canon characters with my own original assembly of characters, as well as playing in scenes and settings reminiscent of these.

PARTICULAR CRAVINGS

Now that I’ve pretty much laid out what I’m about, I’d like to turn your attention to a few particular cravings that I’ve had as of late.

Supernaturally-themed plots are always going to be my bread and butter. I’ve had a craving for demons and demon hunters, this nigh eternal struggle between those that bring hellfire and corruption to humanity, and those tasked with defending humans from them. Or, a more self-serving alternative, these bounty hunters being skilled enough to take the unenviable task of capturing and/or killing demons for a hefty price. Maybe one, or a few demon hunters, get too big for their britches and take on a truly horrifying upper demon. We can play intense themes of carnal desires, corruption, underhanded tricks, contract obligations. [18+]

On the level of science fiction, you’ve seen me repeatedly mention Mass Effect. I love the crew idea, exploring the vast known and unknown reaches of space. Maybe they are a crew of bounty hunters looking for the next payday, or soldiers trying to stave off an alien threat. [18+]

Another science fiction, but with a more centralized main character. Called “The Traveler”, I would like to explore some sort of time-traveling person (not akin to Doctor Who, but the premise is the same). Someone with the advanced technological resources or metahuman abilities to traverse through time. What’s his purpose? What’s his motivation? Maybe instead of preventing things from happening that indicate bad results, maybe “The Traveler” IS the cause of these bad events. Maybe this Traveler has ambition to travel through significant events in history to manipulate them to his ultimate advantage, to gain more power. [18+] – I am really craving this one, mixed in with the ambitious plot.

Gotham will burn – Now, this one, is partly because of my interest in the show Gotham, but also from the Batman: Arkham series video games. I love a dark, gritty sort of cityscape with mobsters and criminals, and these rogue vigilantes trying to clean things up. I’ve also been inspired by the TV show Arrow, so this would be along those ideas. Maybe, for once, these supposed “heroes in the dark” can’t clean up the city and instead succumb to the corruptive pressures of an easier, more hedonistic lifestyle? [18+]

The “ambitious plot” – this is something I’ve coined myself, since it is pretty ambitious to bring to life. And this is one of my primary cravings, something of an all-inclusive episodic series, so to speak, which would feature just about everything I love in varying or limitless amounts. I thought of it as something akin to a Mass Effect inspired, Game of Thrones-esque establishment and episode structure, wherein there are different characters with different plot points, in different settings, but altogether would combine for some sort of universal roleplay. Naturally, this would also combine my other four cravings. [18+]

Each of these cravings would require us to play multiple characters off the bat, as well as adding characters either selectively to the storyline, or nondescriptly, because we think another character with a specific personality might add even more intrigue to it. These cravings are also going to vacillate highly between smut and story, depending on the particular facet we’d like to explore.To me, the ambitious plot is the one I’m really seeking, but it is a pretty time-consuming one, and something not for the faint of heart or for others that don’t have all that much time on their hands. As these cravings will be fairly demanding and require a good deal of OOC communication, I will require you to add in your own input AS you contact me. Which means, if you do decide to email me, specifically about those ideas, you must already have some ideas ready to throw at me.

MEDIUM

Medium-wise, I’ve done various forms of roleplaying before. When I started roleplaying, I was initially a site go-getter, loving the pretty graphics and the jcink and invisionfree (and to a lesser extent, proboards) communities. I’m not sure if I want to roleplay on that, for this particular request, as I don’t have it in me to go through the semantics and the time consummation of having to write up an application or a character sheet, so right now, forum roleplaying is off the table. Right now, my main preferences for roleplaying include email and Googledocs, with Googledocs being the main preference right now.

Hopefully I have not dissuaded too many people, but I will say that for the purposes of what I am looking for, I am going to be rather picky about who contacts me. So please, be as detailed in your email as I have been in my request, that’s all i ask. I don’t wish to have emails with the body of them being “Hey, i’m interested in everything you listed, so let’s roleplay” – that does nothing to inspire my confidence and excitement. Let me know what specifically wrapped you into contacting me.

CONTACT

If you are interested in potentially roleplaying with me, please contact me by email ONLY. I made this tumblr just to be able to send these kinds of request, but I otherwise do not use it and will not respond to messages made on it. I created the email specifically for roleplaying means – dyingontheirwhims@gmail.com. I’m open to communication and creating a general dialogue through Skype, AIM, or Google Hangouts, but only after the initial email correspondence has been made. For contacting me, I would like your name/online alias, age (because I will only be accepting partners 18 and over), timezone, roleplaying availability, interests, kinks/limits, and – well, hell – include your favorite song lyric in the title of the email.

Did you actually read this in its entirety? I’ll know if you didn’t. I won’t really blame you, since this is a lot I have written, and it might seem that i’m pretty overbearing with what I want. But I promise you that I am a very enjoyable person and a talented writer – or at least, I think so, haha.

[fyrapartnersearch]

walk it like i talk it

Hello! I go by M, for the most part. It’s one of my favorite letters, so without a doubt, I’d like to think of it as my unofficial online call sign. Currently, I am in the Eastern Time Zone, but I’m fairly versatile with roleplaying alongside with others from different timezones (with minor exceptions to GMT, and those with more than 5 hours ahead or behind). I’ve found that those interactions simply don’t work all that well in terms of keeping in touch, and I’ve had to discontinue two partners simply because the time difference was too much. But I digress from that! Twenty-six years of age, and I have been roleplaying for over 10 years, so I have a good deal of experience in my humblest opinion.

I figure that’s enough about myself; now to get to the main reason you’re all reading this, and that is because I have been looking for roleplayers with the coming of this new year, someone to keep my muse levels high and my writing always on point while I maintain having two jobs, as well as a burgeoning social life. Someone easygoing yet creative with a vivid imagination to bring ideas to form is highly desired in a writer.

This request is not for the faint of heart, and those who have considerable limits, hesitations, and triggers are likely not going to be a good match. Just fair warning.

WRITING

I am a multi-paragraph sort of writer, which means that frequently, my writing will exceed at least 600 words, and upward of 1000+ words. I love detail and description, and I am actively seeking someone of the same infamy. Once upon a time, I managed to keep up with a story that teetered around 3000+ per reply with someone, still maintaining the same detailed descriptive writing, and I definitely wouldn’t mind having that challenge once more.

GENRES / PAIRINGS / FACES

I exclusively play male characters in mxf pairings with any smut or romantic attachment, this is non-negotiable. I fully understand and respect roleplayers who are able to play both males and females and nonbinary characters in different pairings. I simply don’t have that versatility, as when I’ve played them in the past, there was an innate in-authenticity that I felt. On the other hand, I am a bit more versatile when it comes to genres and settings that I like to play in. Supernatural is my absolute bread and butter, especially urban and gothic fantasy. Anything to do with vampires, werewolves, demons, witches, shapeshifters, mutants, other urban creature of folklore, given some sort of modern day spun, is absolutely perfect for me. I also really love science fiction in its many forms. Primarily, I take my sci-fi craving inspirations from Star Wars, Mass Effect, and Destiny. I’ve also been slowly intrigued by zombie-less post-apocalyptic storylines, something where the cataclysm is not necessarily caused by rabid zombies (I’m not a big fan of the stereotypical zombies portrayed in The Walking Dead and stuff), but something with either a lethal virus, or a planetary disaster, like an extreme coronal mass ejection.

Another genre that I’ve slowly found interest in includes that of the superhero genre. I’m a big fan of both Marvel and DC fandom, and the concept of having superhumans, humans with abilities, anything of that short would be awesome to do. Against, these would be with original characters on my part. I’m not as fond of general real-life or general modern day genres and themes without a good, complex idea attached to it.

One thing I really love to employ in my roleplays would be face claims, faces, playbys, picture bases, however you call it nowadays. Like I said, I started out roleplaying on forums like proboards, and later, jcink and invisionfree, so face claims are quite prevalent for me. This would only be real-life pictures, and not anime or drawings. We can use the latter for reference points, but I would ideally like face claims to be involved. In terms of looks and stuff, I’ve generally gone for a variety of different guys for who I use to represent my characters. Two of my favorite faces are Tom Hardy and Charlie Hunnam: I can use them for anything. I’ve also had a penchant for guys like Richard Armitage, Marlon Teixeira, Chadwick Boseman, Jason Momoa, and Ed Skrein. For women, my characters playing against, I like to go for an even greater assortment of faces. From actresses like Natalie Dormer, Katie McGrath, Deborah Ann Woll, and Olivia Wilde, models like Adriana Lima and Candice Swanepoel, glamour models like Lucy Collett, Lucy Pinder, and Billie Faiers, alternative models like Sara Fabel and Kelly Eden, and even adult faces like Christy Mack and Nikki Benz – you name them, I’m probably interested in them. So the flexibility is highly wanted.

WORLD BUILDING

I want an active roleplayer in this category, without a doubt. i love to world-build, but I tend to lose interest when I am the only one who puts in the effort to world-build. Too often I find people gun-shy in this regard. If I feel that I’m carrying the weight of the world-building part with specific ideas, I will end the roleplay in a heartbeat. And consider that the world building is just the tip of the beginning, so from that, I’ll be able to see whether we’ll be a match or not. Because we’d be starting from scratch with whatever we do, it would be a big relief to have someone who doesn’t mind letting ideas flow to set up the universe that we will be roleplaying in. That way, I feel as though we would both be extremely immersed into the roleplay. Let’s create lively planets with vast underground criminal empires, ot a galaxy far, far away, or galaxies far, far away.

MATURE CONTENT

I enjoy writing smut, plain and simple. I don’t hinder myself – or I try not to – in what I write, the exact extremeness and depth and detail, and I expect my partner to do the same. Maybe not extremeness in a total and complete smutfest (but really, I wouldn’t be opposed), but I do like a variety of things that can be incorporated along with a fascinating story. Some kinks I love include BDSM, incest, the unholy trinity (oral, anal, and such), dubious consent, hair-pulling, those sorts of things. A particularly darker kink that is not explored enough for me is pregnancy/impregnation/breeding. Also, since I love things like psychological trauma and experimentation (in science fiction and supernatural context), those are also highly desired. The manipulation of someone’s mind, body, and soul, combined with elements of corruption and body alteration/transformation – love. These lean more on this smuttier side of the roleplaying, which I like to fashion it as a coin; heads being the smut, tails being the story. I tend to think of them as two halves of a whole and complete experience, and you simply cannot have one without the other.

I’ve bulleted the major kinks/mature themes that I want to explore.

Psychological torment. Again, I really enjoy this sort of roleplaying, challenging the mind, characters in situations where they ultimately do not recover from it mentally, where their psychological profile is irrevocably changed.

The unholy trinity. Oral, anal, vaginal sex. Like I said, I enjoy my smut, I’m shameless, don’t care much for judging.

Corruption. Easily one of my favorite themes to explore, and it doesn’t have to just be as simple as sexual corruption, turning a poor innocent girl and debasing her to the point of no return. Something as simple as a hardened person, forged from the rigors of life, suddenly finding themselves in a position of finer things. Of wealth, of relaxation. That can sow the seeds into a slow descent into something illegal, lewd, or all of the above. And they can view it as the ultimate freedom from that hardship.

Drugs. The exploration of a person’s psyche that forces them to turn to recreational drugs to cope with whatever situations they have.

Vanity, body alterations. This can be through different genres and for different reasons. Imperfections are everywhere, and I love roleplaying themes where the characters will go through whatever means. Larger breasts and a more voluptuous curves in order to make money or ascend higher in the economic sphere. Modified abs, cosmetic surgery, all of those things would be included.

Taboo pairings. Specifically incest or interracial. I’ve not tried mother/son pairings, but i’d like to see if anyone is up for that. I’m also good with father/daughter and brother/sister pairings, but those would be primarily for science fiction and urban fantasy.

Gore. I don’t mind there being a little or a good deal. With urban fantasy, you can expect this, because I tend to play creatures as vicious, war-mongering, and unapologetic about tapping into their bestial natures.

Bad endings. What if happily ever after isn’t so happily after all? What if the main character doesn’t get the job done, what if there is no fairytale ending, and what results is heartache, pain, misery? Or delight, freedom, and inspiration?

Pregnancy. Impregnation. Breeding. Demons need to procreate to get their army, no? They need to find that special someone who can unearth their demonic spawn and destroy their adversaries. Or, for a more subversive notion, a simple one=night stand ends up being nine months of sheer interest and intrigue for the involved coupling. I lean toward the former, having had some basis in erotic roleplaying in the past, so the more odd themes of this are welcomed. But normal pregnancy with the right plot is also quite fun.

Again, I can’t stress this enough. These themes are going to be darker by nature. While I don’t believe in a purely smut or purely story-centered roleplay, the fact of the matter is that I’m looking for someone who can and has no problem with handling those themes. For me, I’m alright if you have any particular aversion to rape (I’ll never pressure anyone for this) and things like scat and watersports (I’m personally not okay with those latter two), but I’d like it if everything else was fair game. So BDSM, incest, the exploration of similar themes and such.

The only limits I have in this regard would include scat and watersports, those things of that nature. I generally do not mind non-consensual stories that start off that way initially, but over time change (and I know that that isn’t how non-consensual sex works in real life). However, I honestly do not mind it at all if that theme is not included at all since I know that it can be a particular trigger to some..

INSPIRATIONS / FANDOMS

I have many different inspirations when it comes to what I roleplay and how I generally approach a roleplay through my characters, the setting, and such. For urban fantasy roleplays, I’ll take different sets of lore for creatures and create my own, not following any specific script, to say the least. Things from Buffy the Vampire Slayer, True Blood, Vampires The Masquerade, for instance, would cater to my urban fantasy cravings. Bonus points for anyone familiar with video game franchises like Mass Effect, Dragon Age, Street Fighter, Mortal Kombat, Destiny, Borderlands, Overwatch. Now, I don’t necessarily roleplay these fandoms to the tee, and I wouldn’t play any canon characters from it. I would, however, love to play opposite canon characters with my own original assembly of characters, as well as playing in scenes and settings reminiscent of these.

PARTICULAR CRAVINGS

Now that I’ve pretty much laid out what I’m about, I’d like to turn your attention to a few particular cravings that I’ve had as of late.

Supernaturally-themed plots are always going to be my bread and butter. I’ve had a craving for demons and demon hunters, this nigh eternal struggle between those that bring hellfire and corruption to humanity, and those tasked with defending humans from them. Or, a more self-serving alternative, these bounty hunters being skilled enough to take the unenviable task of capturing and/or killing demons for a hefty price. Maybe one, or a few demon hunters, get too big for their britches and take on a truly horrifying upper demon. We can play intense themes of carnal desires, corruption, underhanded tricks, contract obligations. [18+]

On the level of science fiction, you’ve seen me repeatedly mention Mass Effect. I love the crew idea, exploring the vast known and unknown reaches of space. Maybe they are a crew of bounty hunters looking for the next payday, or soldiers trying to stave off an alien threat. [18+]

Another science fiction, but with a more centralized main character. Called “The Traveler”, I would like to explore some sort of time-traveling person (not akin to Doctor Who, but the premise is the same). Someone with the advanced technological resources or metahuman abilities to traverse through time. What’s his purpose? What’s his motivation? Maybe instead of preventing things from happening that indicate bad results, maybe “The Traveler” IS the cause of these bad events. Maybe this Traveler has ambition to travel through significant events in history to manipulate them to his ultimate advantage, to gain more power. [18+]

Gotham will burn – Now, this one, is partly because of my interest in the show Gotham, but also from the Batman: Arkham series video games. I love a dark, gritty sort of cityscape with mobsters and criminals, and these rogue vigilantes trying to clean things up. I’ve also been inspired by the TV show Arrow, so this would be along those ideas. Maybe, for once, these supposed “heroes in the dark” can’t clean up the city and instead succumb to the corruptive pressures of an easier, more hedonistic lifestyle? [18+]

The “ambitious plot” – this is something I’ve coined myself, since it is pretty ambitious to bring to life. And this is one of my primary cravings, something of an all-inclusive episodic series, so to speak, which would feature just about everything I love in varying or limitless amounts. I thought of it as something akin to a Mass Effect inspired, Game of Thrones-esque establishment and episode structure, wherein there are different characters with different plot points, in different settings, but altogether would combine for some sort of universal roleplay. Naturally, this would also combine my other four cravings. [18+]

Each of these cravings would require us to play multiple characters off the bat, as well as adding characters either selectively to the storyline, or nondescriptly, because we think another character with a specific personality might add even more intrigue to it. These cravings are also going to vacillate highly between smut and story, depending on the particular facet we’d like to explore.To me, the ambitious plot is the one I’m really seeking, but it is a pretty time-consuming one, and something not for the faint of heart or for others that don’t have all that much time on their hands. As these cravings will be fairly demanding and require a good deal of OOC communication, I will require you to add in your own input AS you contact me. Which means, if you do decide to email me, specifically about those ideas, you must already have some ideas ready to throw at me.

MEDIUM

Medium-wise, I’ve done various forms of roleplaying before. When I started roleplaying, I was initially a site go-getter, loving the pretty graphics and the jcink and invisionfree (and to a lesser extent, proboards) communities. I’m not sure if I want to roleplay on that, for this particular request, as I don’t have it in me to go through the semantics and the time consummation of having to write up an application or a character sheet, so right now, forum roleplaying is off the table. Right now, my main preferences for roleplaying include email and Googledocs, with Googledocs being the main preference right now.

Hopefully I have not dissuaded too many people, but I will say that for the purposes of what I am looking for, I am going to be rather picky about who contacts me. So please, be as detailed in your email as I have been in my request, that’s all i ask. I don’t wish to have emails with the body of them being “Hey, i’m interested in everything you listed, so let’s roleplay” – that does nothing to inspire my confidence and excitement. Let me know what specifically wrapped you into contacting me.

CONTACT

If you are interested in potentially roleplaying with me, please contact me by email ONLY. I made this tumblr just to be able to send these kinds of request, but I otherwise do not use it and will not respond to messages made on it. I created the email specifically for roleplaying means – wildbloodedmadness@gmail.com. I’m open to communication and creating a general dialogue through Discord and Google Hangouts, but only after the initial email correspondence has been made. For contacting me, I would like your name/online alias, age (because I will only be accepting partners 18 and over), timezone, roleplaying availability, interests, kinks/limits, and – well, hell – include your favorite song lyric in the title of the email.

[fyrapartnersearch]

scorpion stuntin'

I go by M, for the most part. It’s one of my favorite letters, so without a doubt, I’d like to think of it as my unofficial online call sign. Currently, I am in the Eastern Time Zone, but I’m fairly versatile with roleplaying alongside with others from different timezones (with minor exceptions to GMT, and those with more than 5 hours ahead or behind). I’ve found that those interactions simply don’t work all that well in terms of keeping in touch, and I’ve had to discontinue two partners simply because the time difference was too much. But I digress from that! Twenty-six years of age, and I have been roleplaying for over 10 years, so I have a good deal of experience in my humblest opinion.

I figure that’s enough about myself; now to get to the main reason you’re all reading this, and that is because I have been looking for roleplayers with the coming of this new year, someone to keep my muse levels high and my writing always on point while I maintain having two jobs, as well as a burgeoning social life. Someone easygoing yet creative with a vivid imagination to bring ideas to form is highly desired in a writer.

This request is not for the faint of heart, and those who have considerable limits, hesitations, and triggers are likely not going to be a good match. Just fair warning.

WRITING

I am a multi-paragraph sort of writer, which means that frequently, my writing will exceed at least 600 words, and upward of 1000+ words. I love detail and description, and I am actively seeking someone of the same infamy. Once upon a time, I managed to keep up with a story that teetered around 3000+ per reply with someone, still maintaining the same detailed descriptive writing, and I definitely wouldn’t mind having that challenge once more. Generally, I tend to write in the third person.

GENRES / PAIRINGS / FACES

I exclusively play male characters in mxf pairings with any smut or romantic attachment, this is non-negotiable. I fully understand and respect roleplayers who are able to play both males and females and nonbinary characters in different pairings. I simply don’t have that versatility, as when I’ve played them in the past, there was an innate in-authenticity that I felt. On the other hand, I am a bit more versatile when it comes to genres and settings that I like to play in. Supernatural is my absolute bread and butter, especially urban and gothic fantasy. Anything to do with vampires, werewolves, demons, witches, shapeshifters, mutants, other urban creature of folklore, given some sort of modern day spun, is absolutely perfect for me. I also really love science fiction in its many forms. Primarily, I take my sci-fi craving inspirations from Star Wars, Mass Effect, and Destiny. I’ve also been slowly intrigued by zombie-less post-apocalyptic storylines, something where the cataclysm is not necessarily caused by rabid zombies (I’m not a big fan of the stereotypical zombies portrayed in The Walking Dead and stuff), but something with either a lethal virus, or a planetary disaster, like an extreme coronal mass ejection.

Another genre that I’ve slowly found interest in includes that of the superhero genre. I’m a big fan of both Marvel and DC fandom, and the concept of having superhumans, humans with abilities, anything of that short would be awesome to do. Against, these would be with original characters on my part. I’m not as fond of general real-life or general modern day genres and themes without a good, complex idea attached to it.

One thing I really love to employ in my roleplays would be face claims, faces, playbys, picture bases, however you call it nowadays. Like I said, I started out roleplaying on forums like proboards, and later, jcink and invisionfree, so face claims are quite prevalent for me. This would only be real-life pictures, and not anime or drawings. We can use the latter for reference points, but I would ideally like face claims to be involved. In terms of looks and stuff, I’ve generally gone for a variety of different guys for who I use to represent my characters. Two of my favorite faces are Tom Hardy and Charlie Hunnam: I can use them for anything. I’ve also had a penchant for guys like Richard Armitage, Marlon Teixeira, Chadwick Boseman, Jason Momoa, and Ed Skrein. For women, my characters playing against, I like to go for an even greater assortment of faces. From actresses like Natalie Dormer, Katie McGrath, Deborah Ann Woll, and Olivia Wilde, models like Adriana Lima and Candice Swanepoel, glamour models like Lucy Collett, Lucy Pinder, and Billie Faiers, alternative models like Sara Fabel and Kelly Eden, and even adult faces like Christy Mack and Nikki Benz – you name them, I’m probably interested in them. So the flexibility is highly wanted. This would actually be a big thing for me right now.

WORLD BUILDING

I want an active roleplayer in this category, without a doubt. i love to world-build, but I tend to lose interest when I am the only one who puts in the effort to world-build. Too often I find people gun-shy in this regard. If I feel that I’m carrying the weight of the world-building part with specific ideas, I will end the roleplay in a heartbeat. And consider that the world building is just the tip of the beginning, so from that, I’ll be able to see whether we’ll be a match or not. Because we’d be starting from scratch with whatever we do, it would be a big relief to have someone who doesn’t mind letting ideas flow to set up the universe that we will be roleplaying in. That way, I feel as though we would both be extremely immersed into the roleplay. Let’s create lively planets with vast underground criminal empires, ot a galaxy far, far away, or galaxies far, far away.

MATURE CONTENT

I enjoy writing smut, plain and simple. I don’t hinder myself – or I try not to – in what I write, the exact extremeness and depth and detail, and I expect my partner to do the same. Maybe not extremeness in a total and complete smutfest (but really, I wouldn’t be opposed), but I do like a variety of things that can be incorporated along with a fascinating story. Some kinks I love include BDSM, incest, the unholy trinity (oral, anal, and such), dubious consent, hair-pulling, those sorts of things. A particularly darker kink that is not explored enough for me is pregnancy/impregnation/breeding. Also, since I love things like psychological trauma and experimentation (in science fiction and supernatural context), those are also highly desired. The manipulation of someone’s mind, body, and soul, combined with elements of corruption and body alteration/transformation – love. These lean more on this smuttier side of the roleplaying, which I like to fashion it as a coin; heads being the smut, tails being the story. I tend to think of them as two halves of a whole and complete experience, and you simply cannot have one without the other.

I’ve bulleted the major kinks/mature themes that I want to explore.

Psychological torment. Again, I really enjoy this sort of roleplaying, challenging the mind, characters in situations where they ultimately do not recover from it mentally, where their psychological profile is irrevocably changed.

The unholy trinity. Oral, anal, vaginal sex. Like I said, I enjoy my smut, I’m shameless, don’t care much for judging.

Corruption. Easily one of my favorite themes to explore, and it doesn’t have to just be as simple as sexual corruption, turning a poor innocent girl and debasing her to the point of no return. Something as simple as a hardened person, forged from the rigors of life, suddenly finding themselves in a position of finer things. Of wealth, of relaxation. That can sow the seeds into a slow descent into something illegal, lewd, or all of the above. And they can view it as the ultimate freedom from that hardship.

Drugs. The exploration of a person’s psyche that forces them to turn to recreational drugs to cope with whatever situations they have.

Vanity, body alterations. This can be through different genres and for different reasons. Imperfections are everywhere, and I love roleplaying themes where the characters will go through whatever means. Larger breasts and a more voluptuous curves in order to make money or ascend higher in the economic sphere. Modified abs, cosmetic surgery, all of those things would be included.

Taboo pairings. Specifically incest or interracial. I’ve not tried mother/son pairings, but i’d like to see if anyone is up for that. I’m also good with father/daughter and brother/sister pairings, but those would be primarily for science fiction and urban fantasy.

Gore. I don’t mind there being a little or a good deal. With urban fantasy, you can expect this, because I tend to play creatures as vicious, war-mongering, and unapologetic about tapping into their bestial natures.

Bad endings. What if happily ever after isn’t so happily after all? What if the main character doesn’t get the job done, what if there is no fairytale ending, and what results is heartache, pain, misery? Or delight, freedom, and inspiration?

Pregnancy. Impregnation. Breeding. Demons need to procreate to get their army, no? They need to find that special someone who can unearth their demonic spawn and destroy their adversaries. Or, for a more subversive notion, a simple one=night stand ends up being nine months of sheer interest and intrigue for the involved coupling. I lean toward the former, having had some basis in erotic roleplaying in the past, so the more odd themes of this are welcomed. But normal pregnancy with the right plot is also quite fun.

Again, I can’t stress this enough. These themes are going to be darker by nature. While I don’t believe in a purely smut or purely story-centered roleplay, the fact of the matter is that I’m looking for someone who can and has no problem with handling those themes. For me, I’m alright if you have any particular aversion to rape (I’ll never pressure anyone for this) and things like scat and watersports (I’m personally not okay with those latter two), but I’d like it if everything else was fair game. So BDSM, incest, the exploration of similar themes and such.

The only limits I have in this regard would include scat and watersports, those things of that nature. I generally do not mind non-consensual stories that start off that way initially, but over time change (and I know that that isn’t how non-consensual sex works in real life). However, I honestly do not mind it at all if that theme is not included at all since I know that it can be a particular trigger to some..

INSPIRATIONS / FANDOMS

I have many different inspirations when it comes to what I roleplay and how I generally approach a roleplay through my characters, the setting, and such. For urban fantasy roleplays, I’ll take different sets of lore for creatures and create my own, not following any specific script, to say the least. Things from Buffy the Vampire Slayer, True Blood, Vampires The Masquerade, for instance, would cater to my urban fantasy cravings. Bonus points for anyone familiar with video game franchises like Mass Effect, Dragon Age, Street Fighter, Mortal Kombat, Destiny, Borderlands, Overwatch. Now, I don’t necessarily roleplay these fandoms to the tee, and I wouldn’t play any canon characters from it. I would, however, love to play opposite canon characters with my own original assembly of characters, as well as playing in scenes and settings reminiscent of these.

PARTICULAR CRAVINGS

Now that I’ve pretty much laid out what I’m about, I’d like to turn your attention to a few particular cravings that I’ve had as of late.

Supernaturally-themed plots are always going to be my bread and butter. I’ve had a craving for demons and demon hunters, this nigh eternal struggle between those that bring hellfire and corruption to humanity, and those tasked with defending humans from them. Or, a more self-serving alternative, these bounty hunters being skilled enough to take the unenviable task of capturing and/or killing demons for a hefty price. Maybe one, or a few demon hunters, get too big for their britches and take on a truly horrifying upper demon. We can play intense themes of carnal desires, corruption, underhanded tricks, contract obligations. [18+]

On the level of science fiction, you’ve seen me repeatedly mention Mass Effect. I love the crew idea, exploring the vast known and unknown reaches of space. Maybe they are a crew of bounty hunters looking for the next payday, or soldiers trying to stave off an alien threat. [18+]

Another science fiction, but with a more centralized main character. Called “The Traveler”, I would like to explore some sort of time-traveling person (not akin to Doctor Who, but the premise is the same). Someone with the advanced technological resources or metahuman abilities to traverse through time. What’s his purpose? What’s his motivation? Maybe instead of preventing things from happening that indicate bad results, maybe “The Traveler” IS the cause of these bad events. Maybe this Traveler has ambition to travel through significant events in history to manipulate them to his ultimate advantage, to gain more power. [18+]

Gotham will burn – Now, this one, is partly because of my interest in the show Gotham, but also from the Batman: Arkham series video games. I love a dark, gritty sort of cityscape with mobsters and criminals, and these rogue vigilantes trying to clean things up. I’ve also been inspired by the TV show Arrow, so this would be along those ideas. Maybe, for once, these supposed “heroes in the dark” can’t clean up the city and instead succumb to the corruptive pressures of an easier, more hedonistic lifestyle? [18+]

The “ambitious plot” – this is something I’ve coined myself, since it is pretty ambitious to bring to life. And this is one of my primary cravings, something of an all-inclusive episodic series, so to speak, which would feature just about everything I love in varying or limitless amounts. I thought of it as something akin to a Mass Effect inspired, Game of Thrones-esque establishment and episode structure, wherein there are different characters with different plot points, in different settings, but altogether would combine for some sort of universal roleplay. Naturally, this would also combine my other four cravings. [18+]

Each of these cravings would require us to play multiple characters off the bat, as well as adding characters either selectively to the storyline, or nondescriptly, because we think another character with a specific personality might add even more intrigue to it. These cravings are also going to vacillate highly between smut and story, depending on the particular facet we’d like to explore.To me, the ambitious plot is the one I’m really seeking, but it is a pretty time-consuming one, and something not for the faint of heart or for others that don’t have all that much time on their hands. As these cravings will be fairly demanding and require a good deal of OOC communication, I will require you to add in your own input AS you contact me. Which means, if you do decide to email me, specifically about those ideas, you must already have some ideas ready to throw at me.

MEDIUM

Medium-wise, I’ve done various forms of roleplaying before. When I started roleplaying, I was initially a site go-getter, loving the pretty graphics and the jcink and invisionfree (and to a lesser extent, proboards) communities. I’m not sure if I want to roleplay on that, for this particular request, as I don’t have it in me to go through the semantics and the time consummation of having to write up an application or a character sheet, so right now, forum roleplaying is off the table. Right now, my main preferences for roleplaying include email and Googledocs, with Googledocs being the main preference right now.

Hopefully I have not dissuaded too many people, but I will say that for the purposes of what I am looking for, I am going to be rather picky about who contacts me. So please, be as detailed in your email as I have been in my request, that’s all i ask. I don’t wish to have emails with the body of them being “Hey, i’m interested in everything you listed, so let’s roleplay” – that does nothing to inspire my confidence and excitement. Let me know what specifically wrapped you into contacting me.

CONTACT

If you are interested in potentially roleplaying with me, please contact me by email ONLY. I made this tumblr just to be able to send these kinds of request, but I otherwise do not use it and will not respond to messages made on it. I created the email specifically for roleplaying means – dyingontheirwhims@gmail.com. I’m open to communication and creating a general dialogue through Discord and Google Hangouts, but only after the initial email correspondence has been made. For contacting me, I would like your name/online alias, age (because I will only be accepting partners 18 and over), timezone, roleplaying availability, interests, kinks/limits, and – well, hell – include your favorite song lyric in the title of the email.