#im not even contagious i have no viral load its not even a cold im just unable to heal
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#small vent tw. might delete later#fuck im just so frustrated and exhausted. gddamn#like. im trying to be good at recovery and i think i AM i dont do any of the shit i used to#and all the behaviours are gone and stuff but i dont SEE any change#i got sick two weeks ago and i still cant breathe without coughing or almost throwing up bc my throat is so raw#and i havent slept right in ages for that same reason. i keep waking up asphyxiating bc im coughing so hard my lungs and chest hurt so bad#im not even contagious i have no viral load its not even a cold im just unable to heal#and its been six months since i started recovering from an ed. i expected to be stronger than i am#and i would have expected some sort of change bc like i changed my eating habits#and how i treat food and that stuff#but you cant even tell#i am literally screaming i have gained 1lb from where i was at my HEALTHIEST in said ed#why cant i just be better#im trying#idk what to do. im trying so hard
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