#and it's what i deserve because look i'm a selfish piece of shit because i believe i can bother people

[wecouldmakediamonds]

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[forsoobado137]

🍨dolly_as_prez Follow

🍨dolly_as_prez Follow

It's been five years since I made this meme and nothing has changed lol

156,932 notes

🧻Dorpblorpw93 Follow

Watching Alfred's short films on youtube are always fucking hilarious because I never know if he's being ironic or not. They all look like they were written produced by an over-caffeinated film student but if they had an actual budget. Like they are legit the funniest pieces of media out there and I have no idea if the comedy is intentional or not.

🏞fromthevalley89 Follow

Where do I begin here? The fact that he basically plays everyone? The fact that he included Arthur but didn't let him play as himself and cast him as bad guys? The fact that he was able to get Roderich and Francois on board with this? The fact that he doesn't even name himself and just puts ME? The fact that the end credits are three times longer than the movie? AND HE LITERALLY CAST HIMSELF AS GOD?! This is peak cinema.

🧭justintime12oclock Follow

Also what is up with Tony? Did Alfred just rotoscope his roommate and make him an alien? is it CGI (Really badly done)?

47,459 notes

🌌galaxylesbian Follow

AGAIN?!

🐝beemybestie Follow

Translation: wahhh wahhh my president won't give me money for Louis Vuitton and my seventh mansion so I'm gonna sit on my ass while the stocks plummet and the trains malfunction 🥺

🌟bugdrinkbugrink Follow

Actual translation: I've literally fought in dozens of wars and bent over backwards for this government and all I get in return is a minimum wage paycheck, demeaning insults from my own politicians, and disrespect from tourists that I'm forced to put up with. I deserve better, and by not working, I'm going to demonstrate how fucked you all would be without me. I hope this opens people's eyes to the lack of rights me and my fellow nations have, and that it will force governments everywhere to actually give a shit.

🌷Azaleyaaaaah02 Follow

Also that mansion thing is such bullshit. The reason nations have so many houses is because they have been ALIVE FOR CENTURIES and they can't just stay in one place forever. Also they have had more than enough time to buy houses when they were cheap and pay off multiple properties. Nations aren't just secretly a bunch of out of touch millionaires. They have been homeless, in debt, and have lived in far worse conditions than you could ever imagine.

🌟bugdrinkbugrink Follow

For everyone trying to call nations "selfish" for going on strike because it has negative effects on their countries, that is literally THE ENTIRE POINT OF STRIKES. World leaders think that all nations do is look pretty and die over and over in petty wars. In the THREE DAYS that France (and other European countries) went on strike back in 1976, the stock market plummeted, trade slowed, transportation stopped working, and other citizens stopped going to work. The leaders realized pretty quickly that they fucked up. After they got better wages, the nations returned, and everything was up and running again.

Moral of the story: PAY YOUR NPS A LIVING WAGE! These people have literally sacrificed everything for their nations. So what if France wants to be able to afford iconic French fashion brands? If I was an immortal being who died thousands of times in mankind's worst wars, you better BELIEVE I would demand that I can afford to treat myself.

41,246 notes

[kira-fluff]

comforting you after a break up - haikyuu!!

a/n: once again i have returned. fear my power. just kidding, school made me a ye bit busy especially trying to get by financially (who wants to pay my credit card bill? haha...) anyway, guess who had to dump their boyfriend? 🙋🏼‍♀️ it's me. had to hold back from putting "comforting" in quotations lol

kuroo tetsuro "come 'ere."

a sudden knock on kuroo's door made him jump. he was surprised to see you standing in the rain, completely drenched, but with a big smile on your face. he raised an eyebrow, letting out a little laugh, "why are you out here in the rain?" not answering his question, your smile grows wider. you throw up a peace sign, "guess who just got dumped!" it didn't come out like a question. your smile was stretched wide. unnaturally. kuroo looked you up and down. you hated the way sympathy and pain was strewn on his face. suddenly, he stretched out his arms, beckoning you into his arms. "come 'ere." he said softly, enveloping you in his big arms, your head against his chest. you could hear the steady beat of his heart under his thin shirt. like a dam that could no longer hold the flood, tears poured out of your eyes like the downpour behind you. you shoved your face against his chest in an attempt to muffle the sobs wracking your body. hiccups and shaking breaths escaped you along with wails of sadness that broke kuroo's heart. a selfish part of him told him he should be glad. he's had it bad for you since you became friends in your second year of middle school. but there was no joy in his heart. only pain. he wanted to take all your pain away... to see your smile again - your real smile - again. you didn't deserve this. you deserved someone who would love you unconditionally and not someone who lackadaisically decides to flake out of you whenever he chooses. "I'm ne-never g-gonna find s-someone who-who loves me" you said, letting out another heartbreaking sob, gripping his shirt as another breath wracked you, making you heave breaths rapidly. "I love you.." he said, but he wasn't sure you heard over the deluge. it didn't matter. you were here in his arms. you chose him - out of all the people you could have chosen - to comfort you. and that was enough for now. he squeezed you tighter, kissing the top of your head as he pulled you inside.

oikawa toru "well fuck him anyways! i never liked him." you slam the door to his apartment. he turns to you as you begin shouting, "CAN YOU BELIEVE IT, TORU?! HE HAS THE AUDACITY TO TRY TO BREAK UP WITH ME WHEN I CAUGHT HIM CHEATING!" oikawa is already up on his feet, just as angry as you. "WHAT THE FUCK!? HE CHEATED? OH I'M GONNA GO BEAT THE LIVING SHIT OUT OF HIM" "OIKAWA, oikawa, stop, okay? it's.. it's whatever. you've seen the texts. I've had a hunch for a long time anyway." "but he deserves it." "I know, but I'm.. I'm just tired toru. I just can't right now. can we just watch a movie?" he stared at you for what felt like an eternity before beckoning you to the couch. you took a seat next to him. oikawa is a little selfish, so he'd be lying if he wasn't a little glad you broke up with him, not only because that guy is a useless piece of shit, but also because that meant he had an opportunity to show you how good he can be to you - as more than a friend. "well fuck him anyways. I never liked him." he said, pulling you into his arms, lying both of you down onto the sofa as he flicked the tv on, scrolling through shows to watch. he squinted, trying to search for a good one when he heard a sniffle. in his surprise, he dropped the remote onto the floor. "hey, hey, hey.. look at me." you slowly turned your head up to him, your bottom lip jutting out. indents lay in your chin as your lip quivered. "you can cry." and with that, you let out a quiet sigh, and cried into his shoulder. "thank you..." you said. "I'll always be here. you know that. i treat you better than he ever did." he didn't mean to have it come out that way, but you ignored it, too engrossed in your feelings to acknowledge if what he said had any double-meaning.

miya atsumu "I TOLD you that guy was no good!" sorry, but atsumu appears to care more about the fact that he was "right all along" rather than the fact that you broke up with the guy. at least, on the surface. it isn't until you start crying that he feels like a complete asshole for doing a little victory dance in his head when he heard of your split. "I know, ok! I know you were right! but that doesn't make me feel any better. I just feel like a complete idiot." he stopped. "I-i'm sorry. yer not an idiot. I guess.. 've just been jealous this whole time, ya know?" before you had a chance to speak, continued, "'ve like ya for so long. seriously every single time I think about ya since like middle school I've always had to hold myself back from smiling. sometimes when I look at ya I just wanna kiss ya until you forget about that asshole." you stared at him in disbelief. when you finally snapped out of your reverie, you grabbed his hand, leading it to your waist. your other hand went to his neck, pulling him down to kiss you. strangely, the shittiest day ever turned out to be so much more than that - the day you got together with the man who (unbeknownst to you at the time) you'd spend the rest of you life with.

miya osamu "...want some chocolate?" as you sat blowing tissues in his bedroom, he could only stare. to be honest, his only way of comforting was food and physical affection. so he was doing his best to give loads of both. you were recovering from your sobs when he sighed. "....want some chocolate?" his question seemed more like he knew you already did, so when he stood up even before you nodded, you weren't surprised. you followed him to the kitchen where he began to make homemade chocolates like it was Valentine's Day (or white day, I guess). after some comfortable silence, you said, "I feel like... weirdly better now? like, free in a way. i feel like he always had a way of putting me down." osamu let out a grunt. he didn't want to say anything about the fucker that would go too far, but damn did he have to hold his tongue. that asshole was always gaslighting you and was borderline emotionally abusive what with all his manipulation. but bringing that up now would only make you upset. it would force you to relive all of those shitty memories. he took in a deep breath when all of a sudden your arms wrapped around him, your chest against his back. "thank you." was all you said for a while. he nodded. "osamu, I think it's always been you." "....what'da mean?" you only answered with a nuzzle against his toned back, leaving his to wonder what you'd meant, but decided to leave it at that for today. maybe tomorrow you'd be ready to discuss the meaning behind it all.

suna rintaro "good." "I'm sorry, what?" "I said, 'good.'" "that's really mean, rin." "I don't care. I've been waiting too long to give a fuck about that guy's feelings. he had it coming; you should've dumped him a long time ago." "what do you mean?" "you really don't know?" your voice raised in anger, "NO. I don't KNOW, rin." "does this answer your question?" he said, grabbing your cheeks. his lips pressed against yours violently, messily, like he was angry. you stared at him dumbfounded. "I thought you didn't like me like that." he sighed, letting out a disbelieving laugh, "seriously? you literally rejected me." "no I didn't!" by now you'd already forgotten about the break up, instead arguing with suna over who liked each other first, what was a lie, and what was true... I guess suna had his own way of comforting you, but it was also incredibly self-indulgent.

[darkcrowprincess]

Book Canon.

Little 12 yo Percy, holding out flowers: Luke, I like like you!

Luke, literally right about to betray Percy, reveal he's the lightning thief, and leave him to die:

Luke stares at the kid holding out sunflowers to him. The same color as Lukes hair. Percy smiles so wide and happy his eyes are closed, he looks like one of those Chinese smiling cats. Luke continues to stare. So confused. "What are these for?" Luke asks. Luke feels a sick sinking feeling in his stomach(guilt). He thinks he knows the answer.

Blushing Percy says softly, "Just as a thank you for everything you've done. And just because."

To hide the guilt Luke smirks playful "Just because, you gotta give me more than that Percy?"

Percy becomes bashful and embarrassed, " I like you, and I know, I'm not stupid or oblivious like Annabeth. I get it I'm just a kid. You don't see me that way. But your really nice, and it's just your the type of nice person that someone should make a big deal about liking. To know that someone cares about them."

Percy than puts on a brave face to hold out the flowers to Luke, "So don't worry about my feelings or anything. I want you to accept these with no expectations because you deserve it."

Luke for the first time is shocked. He doesn't know what to think. No one's ever done something like this for him before. Every gift he's ever gotten has always had some strings attached. Some selfish reason from the gods or his father. The last time he remembers someone giving him a unselfish gift was his mother. And that brings about a different type of sicking guilt and anger.

But Luke hides that deep inside with his mask of a soft smile. "Thank you," he says as he gently takes the flowers. And he means it. Without thinking he kisses Percy softly and quick on the cheek. Something completely innocent but no less genuine.

Percy turns completely red. But he cups his cheek dazed.

"Why sunflowers,? Luke questions.

Percy still a little dazed answers, "They reminded me of you."

"Well after I put these in water, we can go hang out by the lake and watch the fireworks ok?"

"Ok."

Luke turns, flowers safely in his arms, thinking all the while 'I am a piece of shit'. But he's already made up his mind. It's not like he can turn back. Besides, nice boys giving him flowers are years too late to stop the anger inside. Hurting so much like the scar on his face. Doesn't make him feel any less guilty though. He hugs the flowers tighter. They bring no comfort at all.

[evelynpr]

For the character ask game can I pick toga :)

I'm gonna be very honest in these, and I might disappoint, but here it is-

My first impression - I started watching BNHA around 5 years ago? It's hard for me to remember what exactly was my first impression of Toga, but back then I really didn't care for her much. Honestly, I just found it quite problematic that the only main female villain in BNHA is an overly cute school girl who fits the "cute yandere" trop to a t when the rest of the male villains look a lot more serious and scary.

My impression now - Perfectly honest- I really only started paying attention to her because of Ochako. I was, and still am, a massive Ochako fan, and when I heard that she suddenly had a massive romantic and tragic battle and narrative with Toga after leaving the fandom for 3-4 years, I was immediately deadly curious. - Even with how much I resonate with her story and character, I generally have a big ick for blood as a whole (surprising for a very loud tgck fan I know). Right now, she's my poor desperate little baby who really really needs love and therapy (affectionate). I wish we got to see more of her regular girly side, like caring for the LOV especially Magne and Twice.

Favorite thing about that character - That her entire story is a mentally ill and queer narrative. Like I said earlier, I actually have a big ick for blood and the cutesy yandere trope. But the thing that gets me about Toga is that she is the most openly bisexual/pansexual character in the series, very clearly mentally struggling, and both thrives and suffers because of her choices and circumstances. - She's such a tragic and hopeful character that represents so many weird people like me that I can't help but be attached. She makes me want to embrace my more girly and selfish side, and screams at me that I should live my life how I want to. - I can't leave out Ochako from this part. Holy shit the themes and story about their relationship makes my heart both break and soar so bad it genuinely hurts. Save people by understanding them, helping them, listening to them. Show someone you can be selfish, that they deserve love, that she deserve a chance. It's so much it punches me to a million sobbing pieces.

Least favorite thing - For the 3rd time now...not into blood. I don't like its taste, look, and the mere thought of bleeding genuinely grosses me out. - You probably think "How in the world are you attached to her then?" well its because I understand that Toga's "blood" is also a representation of her violent tendencies and love. I see it much more as a narrative device for her character and themes.

Favorite line/scene - Shocking, but I actually have not read the manga. I can't say what my favorite scene is just yet because I want to truly witness it animated, when the time comes. - If you want an answer well, from the anime so far, it probably is when she gets her quirk awakening in MVA, or when she confesses to Izuku in the final war (mostly because that scene is so damn hilarious, tragic, and important).

Favorite interaction that character has with another - ...I mean obviously it's Ochako lmao? Every interaction is a fight of ideals and love- which suddenly morphs into a way of challenging each other- then growing into understanding and loving each other. That is. Just insane. How the fuck did BNHA's writers come up with this.

A character that I wish that character would interact with more - For the sake of my Tgck Bkdk square, I really wished for her to have interacted with Bakugou at least once. Just see how one person's violence and power was praised, while the other was abandoned and shamed. How they both have a strong squishy-faced freak they're obsessed with, and also obsessed with them, even if they don't feel like they deserve it. - Oh and, definitely more LOV random shenanigans and bonding time. I wish I was able to get more into them ngl, but I never really felt that sadly. Man...

Another character from another fandom that reminds me of that character - UHHH??? I genuinely have no idea. I am drawing at a blank I am so sorry T__T This is the firsts time I have ever been interested in this kind of character??? Really sorry-

A headcanon about that character - This is kind dark so be warned - I got this idea from a fic and now I can't stop thinking about it. Toga always wanted her love to be reciprocated or understood by someone. Anyone. I feel that she was taken advantage of and abused by horrible people in her earlier days of running away...especially since she's a young teenage girl in a cute school uniform. I am so sorry...

A song that reminds of that character - I am working on a Togachako playlist! It's about both of their characters respectively and also their story and relationship, but here's the ones about Toga specifically! - Hayloft II (THIS ANIMATIC), The Red Means I Love You (obviously lol), Butcher Vanity, Hero (Charlie Puth, mostly tgck), Pink Pony Club (Chappell Roan, early Toga)

An unpopular opinion about that character - She's not the possessive type, and she's really very open to people she loves loving other people at the same time, polymarous kind. This is probably a pretty common hc already tho since she says this repeatedly? - Her most common form of love is a very impulsive/sexual/admiration/attracted kind. You could even relate this to hypersexuality (something I struggle with) where the moment you find something you're into on someone, you body and brain genuinely go kinda out of control. I project onto her my own inability to hold and control these kinds of feelings at times, but Toga is quite the manifestation of my fears.

Favorite picture - I love it when a character's mask peels off. Toga genuinely angry, upset, and just not smiling is so fascinating and beautiful to me in a "It's okay my dear, show all of you, stop hiding" (Ochako might disagree with me on this tho, since she loves her smile lmao-)

[rosietaeyongswife]

i'm your baby | lee taeyong

genre: angst, thriller synopsis: Tell your baby, that I'm your baby tw: stalking, cursing, depression, alcohol and drugs consumption, suggestive themes, blood, murder.

If there would be someone to blame for your problems in life, it has to be you. It wasn't anyone else choices, but yours. Instead of being grateful for what you have, you'd rather destroy everying you have in a sake of your stupid thinking. Only if life wasn't so cruel to you.

Even in times when you were in depths of hell, he was always there for you. He has never left you side, not once. No matter how far you've been pushing him away, he would stay because he loved you.

"Can we talk?" Taeyong's voice was low and shaky. He was sitting on the floor outside of the bathroom, waiting for you to get out. "Please?"

It's one of those bad days. You didn't have any energy to do anything, nor to talk with your boyfriend. He was there for you to help you, but you couldn't let him.

"Why cant' you leave me alone?"

"Baby, let's talk. I love you, please. I hate it when you're having a breakdown and you won't let me help." He was close to crying, while you were on the floor with a blank expression. "I can do everything in my power to make you happy. Just let me try."

Everytime it ends the same way. Suddenly, you're depressed, everything's bothering you, and Taeyong is the only one, who try to fix it. It breaks your heart piece by piece. He deserves better.

"I love you too."

You wish you could do something to feel better, to escape this shithole once and for all. Being with Taeyong is like being in your comfort zone. He brings you comfort, even though you hurt him with your actions. You want him to be happy.

"I love you so much." Taeyong was whispering in your ear, as he was kissing down your neck, with one hand in your panties. "I love you, your body and your everything."

"Fuck me, Taeyong. I want it."

In times like those, you're deeply in love. You chase your climax with him by your side. He makes you cum, treats you as his prize, and he's there for you in most intimate way ever possible. You feel secure with him.

You're selfish. You're keeping Taeyong by yourself, yet he needs to put up with your shit. You should stop being selfish, and let Taeyong live a little. He's stuck with a wreck. With a person with a long gone soul.

"Dr. Yeong said I should switch medicines." Taeyong looked up at you from his book. "I don't want to. I feel like I'm living in a lifeless body. Not living, but surviving, perhaps."

"Baby, he wants what's the best for you. We can do it together, I'm here for you anytime."

"That's the issue, Taeyong." You scoffed. "You're there for me anytime I need, you're sacrificing yourself for me. That's not okay with me. It's not fair to you."

He could only stare at you with his soft eyes. Taeyong saw the best in you. In his eyes, you were his precious girl. He wants to hold you in his arms forever, and never let go. His heart aches at your pain. It really does.

"I want to do it. It brings me joy to help you. I love you, and that's what matteres."

Within secons both of you were kissing as if your life depended on it. He is the great lover and you want to be selfish to be with him. It has to be your biggest sin - being in love with Lee Taeyong. Letting him be in love with you may be even worse, though.

Alcohol wasn't your preffered drink, but now you feel at ease thanks to it. Bottle, then two, maybe four? They make you feel better. Alcohol is better for you than those pills, Dr. Yeong is giving you.

"Are you going to vomit?" Taeyong was sitting with you on a bathroom's floor with your hair in his hands. "I told you not to do it. It''s bad for you."

He came back from work to see you laying on the floor, not moving with a bunch of empty bottles next to you. Taeyong has noticed, you've been drinking a lot. It's becoming a problem.

"I don't know. I'm sorry."

The next second you're throwing up while Taeyong is there to support you, no matter what.

Ashamed.

You felt ashamed of yourself to present yourself in such a horrible way in front of you lover. That's an endless cycle.

"What the fuck? Y/N?" Taeyong opened the door to your shared bedroom but it was locked. "Why didn't you go to job? And you don't pick up anyone's calls?"

Silence. There was no response, and that's when Taeyong's blood preassure probably went a bit higher than it should.

"Baby? Are you alright?"

Again, no response. Adrenaline rushed through him, and the next second he was demolishing his bedroom's door. The sight broke his heart. You were unconcious on the floor. His world fall apart. He was panicking again.

"She overdosed on drugs, Mr. Lee." A woman in her 50s explained what happened to you, while you weren't awake. "Few more minutes and you would've found her dead there, sir. If I was you, I'd sign her up for a rehab."

"Drugs? She doesn't take drugs, she could never."

"Sir, it's not the first time she took those. I'm certain she has issues with this. I'd reccomend you talk with her about therapy, she doesn't look healthy, nor alright."

Taeyong was extra protective of you. He wasn't feeling good about leaving your side. Your heart breaks everyday more for him. He doesn't deserves what you've been putting him through.

"I signed you for a rehab."

"My mother told me about it." He handed you your bags. "I'm going to miss you a lot."

"Don't say that, or I may cry."

There was a lot of time for you to think. Rehab lasted two weeks, before you dropped out. You weren't addicted, you just wanted to do something to endure your pain. Taeyong was crying when he saw you. A bit healthier looking with a soft smile.

"I missed you, God. I wanted to get there and stay with you, baby. I love you so much."

A single tear run down your cheek.

"We need to break up. I love you but it's not fair. I can't be with you, if I'm making you suffer."

"What are you talking about? I love you and you're telling me-"

"Don't overcomplicate it. I love you. Please, find someone that may treat you the way you deserves. I'm fuckin tired of this mess. I'm not myself, I've lost myself a long time ago." The way he ws looking at you was screaming betrayal. Your heart ached at the sight but there's nothing you could do. "Don't you want to be free? Why can't you see I'm destroying you bit by bit, Taeyong? It's selfish to let you stay with me, even though I love you the most in the whole world."

The man standing in front of you had tears in his eyes. He was shocked, as he didn't expect you to break his heart in such a cruel way on a random Thursday.

"Fuck! You can't be doing this to me, Y/N! I love you! Not once have I felt bad about anything. I've never pitied you. Never!" He felt as he was going crazy. "I love you, and if I could.." Taeyong touched your hands. "I'd take away all your pain from you to put it on me. I'm sure about that. I will kill for you, I will lose everything for you. Please, don't do it. I can't live without you, Y/N. Please!"

What a mess you've made. The scene was cruel, sad, and desperate. The man you've loved your whole life is on his knees begging you to stay, while you can't do it. To be loved is to be changed, that's why you can't stay. This time, you're the one that got away.

"It's all an illusion, Taeyong. The longer you're with me, the more you're losing yourself. I feel like a thief in this relationship. I transfer my hardships on you."

"I love you, Y/N. You're my home, my everything. Why you're doing it to me?" A single tear came down your chin. "But I love you so.."

"Please, let me go.."

Two years later

Life is full of unexpected events. Living so long taught you a few hard lessons. Regret must be the worst one. Regret was so sorrow, and so hurtful. If you could turn back time, you would've done it long time ago. Past two years taught you a lot about yourself. Everything can be fixed, what a surprise! Therapy could help you, you only had to change a therapist. After few weeks you made sense. Life made sense. It wasn't all colorful, but you were better than before. Just without emotions.

Emotionless.

That's what kept you sane. Every single emotion was lost inside of you, so you could live a peacful life. Until up some point. Memories of Taeyong.

As you felt better, your mind played tricks on you. Random moments with Taeyong popped in your head. First date, first kiss, first sex, and first trip together. Every little thing you had known about him, was now all you could think about. You've developed an obsession.

Obsessed.

That's what you are. The therapist told you it might be a part of your healing journey. Little did he know, how fast could it transform into unhealthy obsession.

"He has a wife now." Your mother voice woke you up from your thoughts. She was talking to you about how wrong it is to still fantasize about him. "It was your choice to break things off. You can't return into his life as if nothing had happened."

She was right, but you couldn't process that yet.

"He loved me first. I want to talk to him, I've missed him."

"And ruin his life? Y/N, you left this life. You left him." Another reminder of your bad decision. "Taeyong met someone else, he's happy and in love with her. She's in his life, and you're not."

"Don't everyone deserve second chance? I've had enough of pain in my life, all I want is to talk with him. I want to see him, even if he's not with me."

Your mother forbid you from seeing Lee Taeyong. She made it clear, that meeting with him would complicate both of your lifes. Well, you had to came up with something else to be able to check on him.

Stalking.

Every other day, late at night, you would find yourself by windows of his new house. He's usually hanging out with his new girl, doing nothing but couple things. The way he was holding her, reminded you of how much you've loved to feel him. Every little touch of his made you hot. He seems happy, which broke you heart in half. Was he that happy with you? Does he love her more than he did you? A lot of questions popped in your head, yet there was no answeres for them.

Eventually, your mother found out about it and told your therapist. He was surprised, as he didn't expect you to do it.

"It's considered as crime, are you aware of that?" Nod. "If you keep hanging on the past, then you'll never recover fully. You had to drop Taeyong to be able to find yourself. Being like this, you're destroying what you've been building for so long."

"I love him. I can't help myself, but go there and look at them. He looks so happy, and it makes me wonder if he was even happy with me. Sometimes I think our relationship was fake, and he did pity me, after all." The young male was looking at you disappointed. He knew every detail about your relationship, and he was more than sure about the fact that Lee Taeyong loved you. "I held him back, back then. I'd love to be with him now, that I'm fixed."

"Y/N, Taeyong loved every inch of you. I'm sure he still does, but it's no longer the same love both of you shared mutually. It's a love that created through hardships of your relationship."

Nothing could stop you from visiting Taeyong's house. Your parents, even the therapist didn't suspect a thing since you've learned how to cover that. You found a job that is an online job, yet you made them believe you're going to the office every single evening and you're better now.

However, Taeyong must have suspected something. He must feel watched, as he have started to close blinds. There was no other option that breaking in. It felt as if you were some kind of psychopath but could you care? Not even a bit.

One night left you astonished. As you were hidding in a dark closet in Taeyong's bedroom, both he and his girlfriend began to kiss on their bed. At first it was an innocent act, until he got to undress her. The scene made you feel as if someone was stabbing you with a thousands of knives at once. He was craving someone else in front of you. He desried someone else, not you. Breathing suddenly became hard.

"Harder, Yongie. I love it!" She was moaning with her tits out, and his dick burried inside of her. The sight was so sinister, and sinful. "Fuck, more!"

"You like it, huh? You like being fucked dumb, love?"

This voice.

He used to be like that with you. Everytime, he would've fucked you dumb until you couldn't walk. In your relationship, you've fucked almost every day. Taeyong and his new girlfriend aren't as frequent with it.

It came into your realization, that you've been crying silently in Taeyong's closet.

"I love you, Yongie."

Yongie.

You used to call him that everytime. Now he's called that by an another woman.

Ever since that day, you've became a mad woman. As you had never touched cigarettes in your life, now it was your daily task. A need, perhaps. Your whole persona was even colder, than before. In your mind, there was something wrong. Taeyong was in love with the other woman. She was foreign in your life. She should've never been with him. It's not right. You found yourself often watching movies about crazy woman like Gone Girl, or Girl Interrupted. A desire to get rid of that girl arose in you.

"Are you feeling okay? You've been acting weird. Dying your red black, smoking, wearing black clothes and heels all the time. It's so unfamiliar with you."

Your mother was asking you, while you had a cigarette in your hand and smirk on your face.

"Why would I not be okay? I enjoy my life to the fullest. I love life, mum. I'm so glad I get to get another chance, and be okay with who am I."

"You have no idea how happy I'm to hear that! Hope, that Taeyong is now long forgotten."

"Oh, he is."

Nightmares showed up suddenly one day. It was a loop of you in a furry. Madness and red was all you could see in the nightmares. It felt so vivid, made you think it may be real.

Taeyong was all the time with her, now considered, an enemy. It stopped bothering you as you knew it won't take long to get rid of her. She needs to be stopped. She's taking your man from you.

"Did you hear that?" A girl asked, while both she and Taeyong were enjoying TV in their living room. The sound came from the kitchen, where both of them were looking at with a slightly scared expressions. "What's that?"

"Stay here. I'll check that."

Taeyong was alarmed, and his insticts told him to grab some kind of weapon to protect himself and his girl. He was slowly approaching the kitchen but he couldn't see anyone there. He sighed, thinking it might be something falling off.

"It's nothing, maybe-"

He stopped what he was about to say when he notticed you. You were standing in his living room with a huge grin on your face. Wearing black heels, black flare pants and a white shirt with a black coat on. Looking as beautiful as ever. He was shocked to see you insdie.

"I missed you, Yongie."

"Who is she? What the fuck are you doing in our home?!" The girl was asking a lot of questions, as she was confused what a stanger is doing in her home and why would she knew her boyfriend. "Taeyong, tell her to leave! She broke in!"

"Y/N, what are you doing here? Why would you break in? Is everything okay?"

His worried expression made you chuckle. Taeyong Lee hasn't changed at all.

"This is cute, Taeyong. I feel as good as ever. Everything is alright, I just came by."

"I need you to leave. You doesn't look fine, nor okay. Are you having an episode?"

"It's not an episode." You got your hidden knife out of your pocket, which made a girl on the sofa gasp. "I feel tired, after all I've seen past these months. I thought I'm the only one you love, Yongie."

"She has a knife, God!"

This situation was stressful and Taeyong was shocked to the core. It was so surreal.

"Well, you left me two years ago. I loved you, I still do but we're past now. I have a wife and I'm doing alright."

"But I was your baby. I love you, and there's no place for an another person in our life." You took a glance at frightened girl on the sofa, she was frozen to the core. "You love me, I know you do. You can't have an another baby." You turned back to Taeyong. "Tell your baby, that I'm your baby." You nodded at her. Taeyong could baerly breathe. "I'm your baby, Taeyong."

Even though it was a horror scene, Taeyong felt weak. He felt weakend by you. He has never stopped loving you. His little girl. He found a peace with someone else, but his feelings never changed.

"You're my baby, Y/N. I love you but I need you to put the knife down." He tried to get closer, but you stopped him. "Please. You may hurt someone."

"There's no place for her, Taeyong. I need to do something to make us happy."

Before Taeyong could've reacted, you were already stabbing his wife in the chest. You were in a furry, driven by madness. Everything you saw was red. Blood was splashing all around and at you. She was screaming but no one could hear her. Stab after stab. Taeyong was watching in horror as you were killing his wife.

"Fuck, stop!"

He held you tightly, as you dropped the knife. The lifeless body of Taeyong's wife was laying down on the sofa, as you were hugging Taeyong.

"I love you, and I'm so fuckin sorry about that. I had to do it. Please, forgive me." You were sobbing in Taeyong's arms. "Please, Yongie."

"Everything's going to be alright, I love you too. Shh, we're going to be fine, Y/N. I promise."

Next thing you knew was his lips on top of yours. Kiss you've been craving for so long, happened finally. His touch made you feel alive again.

"I want you all to myself."

"We need to get rid of that mess first." Never would you have guessed that Taeyong would help you to get away with killing his wife. "We need to do it first, then we can have each other."

After all, you're his baby.

[blacclotusss]

I Could Not Prevent It

Claudia

Ah...the death of the vampiress Claudia...the day I have been dreading since...season one if I'm being quite honest with you. Before all of the murder plotting in episodes six and seven, before things went downhill halfway through episode 4, and before she even appeared on screen for the first time. My Claudia...my babygirl. When I learned about this show, I looked up all the characters and what happens to them, and it made me nervous that she was a child and would die in such a painful way. But, when I saw that she was aged up and would be Black, as her Daddy Lou would be as well, I was immediately protective of her and wanted nothing but the best. There was this delusional thought I had that maybe they would change the course of her fate and she'd be able to live as she deserves, but at every corner she turned, there was something else lurking and waiting to capture her; from her being turned, to Charlie, to Lestat and his nonsense, to Bruce, and all the way up to Armand and the Coven. Even before she was brought into Louis and Lestat's lives, the life she lived was one no person, let alone child, should ever have to go through. And then, she comes into this situation where the both of these men are turning her against her will for their own selfish reasons. I've always felt that way: Louis wanted something to fix after blaming himself for the riots and Lestat didn't want to lose Louis. Period. But, Claudia made the best out of her situation and was brilliant and defiant, doing her own thing despite what many told her she should do or act like. All the way up until her last moments in the flesh on Earth, she never backed down. And I absolutely love her for that, always will love her. She is such an amazingly written character in this show and I hope to see Delainey in so much more after this! 

The Trial

If this makes me seem biased, so be it, but none of what happened during that trial that came out of Lestat's mouth moved me. He knew exactly what he came there to do, but wants to get caught up in the moment and emotions when retelling the story. Goodbye! And for him to sit there a try to reveal "the truth" about what happened also did nothing for me. Lestat still had a part in everything that happened, EVERYTHING. That changes nothing! The retelling of the story was shit and so was that so-called apology because how can you apologize to him and not her? You put that girl through so much, verbally and physically abusing her. Asked if she would be a lap dog, let your mistress call her a dog, put your hands on her more than once, and threw her assault up in her face when she was trying to escape. Where is her apology? And had the audacity to look like that as she died. Save the tears and as Louis said "Fuck you!" Y'all can let that move you and have you kissing his feet if you want, but it changes nothing. He's still a piece of scum watched her die as she looked to him for help (Delainey's words) with tears like you didn't come here to watch her die. 

And this whole trial had such a racist undertone to it, from the descriptions to the depictions on screen. It just gave me "Hey look at the Black people provoking this white man to make him do these things." Literally everything, down to the cutting of the Achilles tendons, the way they treated Madeleine versus Louis and Claudia, etc. Just a tragedy all around. 

The final goodbye between Louis and Claudia...my God. It's the way that they didn't have a great greeting (that turning moment was not pretty, either version) and they only had a small moment of happiness between them before they were pulled apart. I already knew Louis was lying when he said in the previous episode that he did not feel anything when she left, but seeing them grab for each other (as well as his demeanor when speaking about her in Dubai) told me they loved each other; they've always loved each other. Yes, they butt heads, but you could always feel the love between them and I hate that they didn't get a proper departure. Lastly, my favorite moments in this episode were between Claudia and Madeleine. Madeleine being so out of it, to the point of not even understanding what was going on until the end, and still choosing to be with Claudia. Oh the waterworks! I'm so glad Claudia had someone that was all in with and for her before her demise. She, and the audience at home, was finally able to see and know what a Gothic romance is. This is immortal and eternal love between those that care and understand one another. I absolutely bawled when the both of them met the Sun and I don't think we'll ever see something so pure like that in this genre. I'll miss them both. And Louis...blow that theatre to pieces! 

Armand

Now you sir...what the hell are we going to do with you? I just...the man barely said anything this episode and he still managed to get under my skin. How strong are these vampires that you, the oldest one in the bunch and most powerful, cannot move nor prevent this from happening? Or did he really want her gone like I suspected he did last week? My money is definitely on the latter because he would have Louis all to himself and that seems like the goal with these men Louis cuddles up to. And he said Sam was guarding the gate, and no offense to Sam, but I'm sure Armand would be able to take him. But, what really got me was Sam was also seen helping put Louis in the coffin down stairs so what's the truth Armand? I guess we'll have to wait until next week. But, I did want to circle back to the racism, but in the fandom and not the show because I'm noticing the same pattern between everyone's reactions to the show. Y'all are on Armand's neck (warranted) for his role in this whole thing, but let the white man waltz on stage and let those tears fall and y'all are falling for it. I saw a video from a creator today, along with other tweets, calling Louis a master manipulator and how they'd known how evil he had been all this time. What? There's no way we're all watching the same show, not when you've come to that conclusion. There is zero consideration for Louis' feelings and thoughts at all. Y'all let your attraction to white cock cloud your judgement every time and it's sick to see. I hope you have no friends or family that have gone through anything like that because I'd steer very clear from you all.  

Season One Revisits

As I expected before the trailers dropped, there were two season one revisits in this episode. However, I don't feel as strongly about them as I thought I would and maybe it's because I overly analyzed those scenes before this. To me, the Claudia turning scene showed Louis' desperation for something to make him feel better after blaming himself for the riots. Him begging and pleading on his knees simply fueled just how broken he was. The most chilling part, however, was him dragging her like a child running around the house with a doll in tow. It's as if Claudia was his property, and you can even see that with him wanting her turned in the first place. With the episode five revisit, it didn't  change anything for me at all. I took it as Louis simply defending his child as was shown in season one and Lestat losing his temper and going overboard. He still had the upper hand and he knew it, he admitted it himself. It just feels like they brought it back up for no reason...why are we having Louis retell this again? He's already said what it was and how he felt. There was no reason for him to relive these memories once again in such a short span of time. I get it was for the plot, but at what cost? How many times do we need to hear the abused recount their abuse? 

[1moreff-creator]

DRDT - Milgram AU: T1 "Voice Reveal" Lines

Hey there! Back at it with this AU. I figured if I'm going to commit to the bit, I might as well commit fully. At the start of every Trial, Milgram gives a sneak peak at some of the lines which will appear in the VDs, combined with "glitchy" lines which relate to their murder. So I'm doing that too! Keep in mind this is not professional in the slightest, so exact wording might change between now and when I actually post the VDs. Especially since it's been a while since I rewatched DRDT so the wording could feel a bit off. Anyways, here we go!

Implied DRDT spoilers and heavy themes. Again not affiliated with either of the series

Btw I'm using crossed out text for aesthetics but there will be a transcript at the bottom if you have trouble reading that.

01- "Levi Fontana, a pleasure"

"Yes, I am a murderer"

"I can't bring myself to pretend to be sorry for what I did"

"I suppose I should watch the other prisoners to learn how normal murderers should handle themselves"

...

I know you didn't want this, but it had to be done

02- "Arturo Giles"

"Ugh. Do I really have to be judged by someone this ugly?"

"I'll have you know, I've never murdered anyone"

[Whispering] "I mean, there is... no, no, that wasn't my fault"

...

How was I meant to know?! Even if she's dead because of what I did, it's not my fault!

03- "My name is David Chiem"

"It seems there's been a mistake. But don't worry! I won't hold it against you"

"Mistakes can be corrected. It's not difficult to change, as long as you're willing to!"

"I try to be as positive as I can, since I know there's a lot of people that don't get the privilege"

...

AGH! CAN YOU DO ANYTHING RIGHT, YOU PIECE OF HUMAN GARBAGE?!

04- "Yo! Whit Young, nice to meet you!

"Are you really sure everyone here is a murderer?"

"That's wack"

"I don't remember doing anything suspicious! Yesterday was normal, the day before that was normal, the day before that... the day before that..."

...

My mom's really amazing! I love her a lot. I would do anything for her

05- "Tch. Ace Markey"

"You wanna fight?! Wait, fuck, you probably have weapons, don't you?! Shit, don't get any closer!"

"You think I'm a murderer?! Horseshit!"

"Get off your fucking high horse!"

...

Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, shit, shit shit shit, FUCK!

06- "Uhm... Nico... Hakobyan"

"I'm- I'm really sorry!"

"You're pretty weird"

"Ah! I'm sorry! Don't get mad at me!"

...

Why should I own up for the mistakes that someone else made?!

07- "J Moreno"

"What do you people really want? Ransom money? There's no way you're doing this just because you want to 'judge our sins' or whatever bullshit you're saying"

"Don't make me laugh. Find evidence I killed anyone, and then we can talk about murder"

"Do you really think you're going to understand everything I've been through, just with a silly little song? How arrogant are you?!"

...

What happened to her was nothing short of a tragedy. Sorry, but I will make no further comment

08- "Mmmm... Rose Lacroix"

"zzzzz"

"Ah, yeah. I killed someone"

"This really isn't that bad. At least I can paint here"

...

I wonder if I can be happy now

09- "H-Hu Jing"

"I know what I did was unforgivable..."

"I really am selfish... I'm scared of receiving the punishment I deserve"

"Please Forgive me!"

...

Wake up! Please! I'm sorry! I'm sorry!

10- "My name is Veronika Grebenshchikova!"

"If you don't mind, can you choose not to Forgive me?"

"Death sounds boring. I'd rather stay alive if you don't mind!"

"To Forgive what I did... it would be denying everything I believe about my life..."

...

[Cackling laughter, which trails off with a wheeze] I really am a monster...

11- "Arei Naegishi!"

"Pfft! God, you're pathetic!"

"Why the hell are we even here? How could anyone be stupid enough to do anything but Forgive me?"

"Are you really that much of an idiot?!"

...

WHO'S THE WEAK ONE NOW, HUH?!

12- "Uhm... Eden Tobisa..."

"Even when things are looking down, we just have to try our best, and trust each other!"

"I... I never wanted anyone to die!"

"Es... why are you doing this?"

...

Wh- What have you done?!

13- "Min Jeung"

"This is ludicrous. How are we meant to expect a fair judgement when your 'justice' is determind by one person's whims and biases?"

"When an institution is non-functional, it is highly illogical to indiscriminately tear it down. Improving the basis already in place is by far the most constructive way to conduct progress"

"There is no country in the world where I would be judged a murderer. To say one single prison has the authority to decide that I am is a flagrant display of vanity"

...

The condition has been met. There is no need for further intervention

14- "Alexander Matthews. Just call me Xander"

"Don't you see how broken this entire system is?! What makes you think you hold a monopoly over morality, huh?! What gives you the right to Forgive or Not Forgive?!"

"When something is rotten, you throw it away. It's the same with this twisted place!"

"...Warden?"

...

Ah... haha... I did it... You all can finally rest

15- "Charles Cuevas"

"I was hoping the Warden would be competent, at least, but clearly I was a fool to think that could ever be the case"

"Are you stupid?!"

"Warden... Es... I have a request"

...

Hgk...- Ack! ... Kch[sharp inhale]

16- "Teruko Tawaki"

"Are you okay?"

"You don't need to know anything about my crimes. I'm unforgivable. That's all you need, right?"

"If you can find a way to do it... Just kill me"

...

... [sigh] Why did I ever get my hopes up?

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

And there we go! Hope they weren't too ooc! Keep in mind different backstories could lead to slightly different personalities; this AU is canon-adjacent, not really canon-compliant. Levi's first trial is coming soon! Hope you enjoyed!

Huh? Secret message? Whatever are you talking about?

Here's the transcript of the glitchy lines:

01 - Levi: I know you didn't want this, but it had to be done

02 - Arturo: How was I meant to know?! Even if she's dead because of what I did, it's not my fault!

03 - David: AGH! CAN YOU DO ANYTHING RIGHT, YOU PIECE OF HUMAN GARBAGE?!

04 - Whit: My mom's really amazing! I love her a lot. I would do anything for her

05 - Ace: Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, shit, shit shit shit, FUCK!

06 - Nico: Why should I own up for the mistakes that someone else made?!

(Yes it's just the secret quote on their page sue me it's a cool line)

07 - J: What happened to her was nothing short of a tragedy. Sorry, but I will make no further comment

08 - Rose: I wonder if I can be happy now

09 - Hu: Wake up! Please! I'm sorry! I'm sorry!

10 - Veronika: [Cackling laughter, which trails off with a wheeze] I really am a monster...

11 - Arei: WHO'S THE WEAK ONE NOW, HUH?!

12 - Eden: Wh- What have you done?!

13 - Min: The condition has been met. There is no need for further intervention

14 - Xander: Ah... haha... I did it... You all can finally rest...

15 - Charles: Hgk... Ack! ... Kch[sharp inhale]

16 - Teruko: ... [sigh] Why did I ever get my hopes up?

[notmorbid]

demon copperhead, pt. 2.

dialogue prompts from demon copperhead by barbara kingsolver.

i was born to wish for more than i can have.

there's a shoe out there for every foot.

it's important to leave home and take a look around.

i could be very rich if i decide to extort.

i wonder how it would feel to like who you are.

old homecoming queens never die.

who died and left you boss?

sorry to say your secret is out.

i'm gonna see bad spray tans in my nightmares.

nobody rides you like you ride yourself.

i used to think i knew what hurt was.

i don't like owing anybody.

i didn't fully believe you'd come.

i've got a surprise for you later.

does some law say we all turn into our parents?

half of me is sorry. the other half isn't.

don't look for money to buy your life back.

before we were us, we weren't anything.

you look like a plaid pillow.

i thought i knew it all, in those days.

people find more ways to shut up their monsters than a bible has verses.

let's go steal a tree.

the tall weed gets cut.

a kid in my shoes takes what power they can find.

the moon went to bed already, so what's wrong with us?

i'm a horrible person. the sooner you realize that, the better off you'll be.

you're too good for me. i don't deserve you.

it wasn't a secret, i just knew you wouldn't like it.

you use what you've got.

my stomach feels like i've been eating rusty nails.

some good's been known to come out of bad luck, if you face it head on.

where is the motherfucking compassion?

this is still your home, if you want to stay.

the adult in my life is me.

you look like you've seen the dead.

we were kids playing house.

come hang out any time. i could stand the company.

you have to quit being so nice to people.

i'm not one to shut any doors.

i cannot get the hang of living alone.

you should be as mad as i am.

do you want to sleep tonight, or do you want the truth?

they did this to us. you understand that, right?

of all the good people i know, you're probably the best one.

everybody needs to dump on somebody.

i've lived long enough to know that shit doesn't really bounce off.

kids aren't the problem. it's parents.

the only person you need to worry about is yourself.

i have my own honor.

part of being a mature person is knowing your skillset.

another week, another shitshow.

feel free to have a look around.

the support has to run both ways.

good people don't give up on the ones they love.

i've stayed alive so far by staying on my own feet.

i need you to wake up. sit up. we have to talk.

i love you. i would never, ever want to hurt you.

i want to draw your hands.

it's sunday. everyone's either in church or sleeping off their sins.

i want to kill you, but i'm not going to let you die.

are you testing me? or do you really not know?

if wishes were horses, we'd all have different shit to shovel.

a fallen hero shatters into more sharp pieces than you'd believe.

i thought i'd be better off without the fear.

there'll be no getting over this.

a selfish heart will keep you alive, at least.

a snake with venom is gonna bite.

going nowhere fast is a kind of juice.

trust the road, because nobody stays.

in the long run you're on the road with your ghosts. you're the ship, they're the bottle.

rehab is like being married to sickness in a lot of ways, really.

a good story doesn't just copy life, it pushes back on it.

you never were one to fall only halfway down the well, were you?

i let you go. it's what i had to do.

[fandomwe1rd0]

Wrote about how Rick got Morty's picture in his wallet!

Tw for slight self harm under the cut!

I was sitting on the soft yet stiff couch, how could it be both? I don't fucking know, shit, I could run a whole experiment on the cheap fucking budget ass furniture Beth buys. I was surfing through channels on the TV, we have literally every fucking channel in the universe and nothing interesting was on. I rested my cheek on my hand. 

"Of fucking course there's nothing interesting to watch." My inner voice oh so kindly butted in "You really think you could do anything useful in your life? Don't make me laugh." I clenched my teeth so hard I swear I heard a crack. 

Then I heard the door creak open, my head immediately snapped to the direction on the door, and not too long after I saw Morty. Poor kid, he had massive eyebags, walking slowly. His usual dumb sunshine yellow shirt replaced with a white button down with a black bowtie. He looked so fucking fancy. He tilted his head back as he yawned. Rubbing his eyes with his fists afterwards. I held back a yawn. Not wanting that little shit to know I was staring at him

"This is because of you, you fucking piece of shit, you could let Morty have a goodnight sleep but noooooo. You need him for adventures, you fucking selfish piece of shit." 

I clenched my jeans. Hard. My knuckles white. Hands shaking. Morty saw me "Rick...are you o-" I answered before he got the full question "Yep." Morty looked at me for a bit, I hated the trust in his eyes. I hated the voice in my head reminding me how little I deserve it even more. I hated how fucking right it was sometimes.

"You don't deserve it. You don't deserve to have him trust you. You don't deserve to have him see you as his grandpa. You aren't even his grandpa."

...

Shit.

More like all the time. Morty then shrugged and began walking down the hall. I overheard him talking to Beth 

"H-hey Mom...it was picture day at school...I-I think the pictures were like...20 dollars?" I hated how my ears perked up at that. 

As Beth replied, I could basically hear the eyebrow raise in her voice "20 dollars for pictures? How many are there?" "I-It's 20 dollars per picture..." "Why are they so expensive?" Morty mumbled something I couldn't hear. Ugh, I hate when that brat does that.

"Wow, insulting him in your mind, great grandpa, really." I looked down, my unibrow furrowing. 

"You're such a piece of shit."

I fucking know that. Shut up. I rubbed my temples. Eyes shut tightly.

I felt a weight shift on the couch. I turned my head and saw Morty. "W-what are you watching?" "Noth-*burp*-ing." I grumbled. "So your school took some pictures?" Morty nodded "Y-yeah...I don't think I look good in them though..." Morty muttered, rubbing his arm. God I hated how innocent he looked like that..it only made me hate myself more. I was traumatizing this boy all because I was a selfish piece of shit.

My inner voice laughed, the bitter sound of it echoing in my head "Now you're getting it!" I groaned and Morty looked at me "Are you-" "I'm fine." I growled out, voice rougher than I intended. Morty looked down, his hands gripping the couch cusions. I hated the chruning in my stomach. "I gotta g-" Before I could get up, I felt a weight on my shoulder. I quickly glanced at it. Ugh, Morty. I sighed as I leaned back on the couch.

"Wow, went from being the smartest man in the universe into a teenager's pillow! Great upgrade..." Wow, I'm letting a kid sleep, I'm suchhhh an asshole. "Ugh, when did you get so weak? Caring about people...remember that Diane-" I clutched my stomach as I jolted forward. The mention of Diane hitting me like a punch to my stomach. I quickly got up, seeing the kid's head fall on the couch. I clenched my hands into fists.

Ugh, I shouldn't give a shit.

Morty's just a stupid little shit anyway.

I walked over to the kitchen, seeing something on the counters. It was a flyer, Beth probably left it here. She was pouring a glass of wine and her gaze fell on me. "Oh hey Dad, did you know Morty's school expects us to pay 20 dollars for one pictures of him?" She giggled. I snarled as memories of my original Beth's giggled echoed over and over again in my brain. Beth tilted her head "Dad...?" I shook my head, wanting the sound to fucking stop. "Are you-" She reached for me and I slapped her hand away without realizing it. 

Beth jolted back, eyes wide, burning through me. I hated the gasp that escaped my throat when I realized what I did. I ignored the sickening feeling in my gut as I grabbed the flyer and stormed to my garage. 

Fuck it.

Fuck everything.

Who the fuck cares?

Beth will be fine.

It's not my Beth anyway, why the fuck should I care?

"It's your fault Beth died anyway, all you did is stand there while she-" I tugged at my hair, hoping the voice would stop. I glanced over and saw the flyer. Morty was smiling like a fucking idiot. He looked so awkward. 

I hate it.

I hated the smile and laugh that escaped my lips.

Why the fuck did I react like that?

This is just a stupid kid.

I shouldn't even-

"It's because you're weak."

Ugh, fucking shut it already.

"Nope, can't have you forgetting how worthless you are."

Gee thanks, I love getting reminded of that every fucking second of everyday.

"You're welcome."

God that fucking voice was so smug.

"You know I'm right."

...

Goddamit.

It was right.

I looked at the top of the page, it was the school's number.

...

Ain't no fucking way I'm about to do this.

I took out my phone and reluctantly punched in the school's phone number, a girl with an annoyingly obviously fake honey-like voice answered the phone 

"Hi! This is Harry Herpson High School! My name is Lilly! How may I help you?" 

 I rolled my eyes. Hating what I was about to say.

"You hate everything except..."

Don't.

Don't fucking finish that sentence.

"I want to buy school pictures."

The chick replied quickly "Oh! Wonderful! Are you a parent or guardian?"

"I'm Rick...uh...Sanchez..." I blurted out, wanting to sink into the ground.

"Oh! So your Morty Smith's father?"

I flinched, father? The hell...

"Hah. Last time you were a father you-" 

I slapped myself. 

"Sir?"

"No. I'm his grandpa."

My inner voice cackled "Ohhh that's what you're calling yourself now? Not 'random guy that crashed into his house so you could kill his actual grandpa'? Guess that doesn't

roll of the tongue that well."

I stomped the ground, growling lowly in my throat.

"Okkkayy! Would you like to buy his pictures?"

Why do you fucking think I asked about them genius?

"Yes."

"Okay Mr. Sanchez! What background would you want?"

I shrugged "Just a grey one I gue-*burp*-ss."

The voice on the other end hummed happily "Ok! Would you like to buy with cash or credit?"

Oh yeah, I'm gonna waltz down to the school to buy the picture despite the fact I called you.

"Credit."

I heard clicking. "Ok! Please share you credit card details!"

I flipped my wallet and said my credit details.

"Alright! It should ship by tomorrow!" 

"Wow, paying 20 fucking dollars for a picture of a kid. How the fuck did you become so fucking soft?"

I gripped my phone so tight that, if I hadn't reinforced it 20 fucking times, it would've cracked. "Great." I answered through clenched teeth before hanging up the phone. I

groaned, throwing my head back.

I'm fucking weak.

I fucking hate myself sometimes.

"More like all the time." My inner voice commented casually, as if it's normal to have a voice in your head that always reminds you how you are a big piece of shit and should

just put a bullet in your brain already. "Not that you shouldn't."

Whatever.

Who the fuck cares?

The next day I checked the mailbox before anyone else. I opened up the envelope and saw the picture of Morty awkwardly smiling with one shoulder raised. I couldn't help the fond laugh that escaped. That fucking adorable idiot, I thought, rolling my eyes with a smile on my face. I folded it and put it in my wallet. 

"Wowwwww, actually acting like a grandpa, what? You think this will make up for killing his actual grandpa?"

Fuck my stupid life.

[stylexrepp]

Stolitz // The Next Full Moon -

(I did not proof read so if you see any grammatical errors… you didn’t)

*After Stolas had given Blitzø the Asmodean Crystal, Blitzø had shouted at stolas for being a selfish entitled rich prick, this was his way of still trying to hide his feelings and make Stolas hate him before he could say something he would regret in a time like this. While the berating tookplace, Stolas just stood there and took the backlash. He would rather Blitzø be happy and hate Stolas than have him unhappy.*

———

Stolas sat in his bath filled with his tears and lukewarm water. After their arrangement had ended Stolas had done nothing more than cry, work, and sleep, leaving no time for himself. Only staying awake to wrap his head in paperwork and try his best to keep up with Octavia, making sure she is happy.

*CRASH*

Stolas jumped up from the tub and ran to see what happened, ignoring the fact he is fully exposed and his robe was laid perfectly where he left it out for after his bath.

As he dashed into his bedroom he sees Blitzø tripping into his quarters.

“You STupID AsS bIrD BrAIn!! You tHiNk yOU Can JUst diTcH me lIKe tRAsh!!!” Blitzø slurred

Stolas stood in disbelief, “Blitzø what on earth could you possibly be talking about! You are way to tired to be talking about this right now, please come lay down darling.” As he approached Blitzø he could hear his heart rate increase.

“IM NOT DOING SHIT FOR YOU!!” Blitzø screeched

“Blitzø ple—“

“YOU SHUT YOUR MANGEY BEAK FOR THREE FUCKING SECONDS, AND LISTEN HERE. I AM HERE TO GET MY MONTHLY FUCK AND PISS OFF LIKE USUAL. SO DON’T TRY AND PUSH ME OUT LIKE LAST TIME OKAY!!”

“Push you out! Blitzø I gave you the choice and you walked away, you think I’d ever just use you for pleasure?” Stolas’s bottom eyes began to tear up

“Oh PLEASE you never wanted me for anything more than my dick! Let’s just get this dicking over with, come on!!!” Blitzø started shuffling towards him and placed his hands on Stolas’s hips. Stolas flinched away from the touch. “Fuck ‘s that all about huh?”

“Blitzø do you not remember a month ago when I poured my heart out to you! I gave you my all and I was completely and utterly vulnerable with all my feelings for you. Did you just forget all of that, all that I said when I laid my heart out for you on a silver platter!!” Stolas was basically sobbing at this point. He began to walk back into his bathroom hoping Blitzø would not follow him but Stolas was wrong. Blitzø followed along directly behind him staring as his feathered ass. “Stols come on, I know you want this ‘thick red dick’ so stop it with your innocent prude act. Just get your bird cunt over here!!” Stolas refused to listen and closed the door on him.

“STOLAS YOU CAN TRY TO LOCK ME OUT BUT WE BOTH KNOW ILL FIND A WAY IN” Blitzø shouted from outside the door.

“Blitzø if you are just here to continue our outlandish arrangement I-I won’t have it! Just leave if that’s all you are here for my dear.” Stolas begged at the foot of the door. As his tears fell he started to wheeze as he waited to hear Blitzø’s footsteps walk away.

Blitzø didn’t even think twice before yelling back, “There you go again being a spoiled fucking brat thinking you can tell me what the hell to do. Well, guess what bitch? I'm done being your ‘impish plaything’. From now on, I'm going to treat you like the worthless, empty piece of shit prince that you truly are. You don't deserve my time, or my energy, You are nothing but a sex toy for me to use and discard, just like you did to me. So enjoy your lonely ass existence, because I’m done letting you decide what the fuck I do with my dick!”

Stolas didn’t even respond. He sat there in a pool of his own tears soaking up every word blitzø said. Stolas had always blamed himself for everything no matter what happened. But hearing someone that he truly loved tell him he was to blame put everything into perspective for him.

Stolas walked over to his vanity and looked himself in the eye and all he could see was a monster. All of a sudden full of rage Stolas punched the mirror causing it to shatter, tearing up his hand now covered in black blood and glass shards. As Stolas began to drop to his knees Blitzø busted open the door to see what had happen.

“Stols…”

“P-please Blitzø just leave. There is no need for you to stand here and torment me any longer, I’ve had enough right now. If you wish to continue to batter me you can come back tomorrow but I cannot do it tonight.” Stolas was a shell of himself. He showed no emotion what so ever.

Blitzø made no effort to leave, he just stood there trying to find any kind of expression in Stolas face to be able to make a suitable comeback.

“BLITZØ LEAVE, DO I HAVE TO GET ONE OF MY GUARDS TO ESCORT YOU OUT OR CAN YOUR LEGS DO IT THEMSELVES” blitzø was shocked that Stolas had just raised his voice to a yell for the first time. Usually if he was upset he wouldn’t get too heated but Stolas was at his breaking point.

“Stols I-“ Blitzø didn’t have anything to say. As he looked down at Stolas he realized how much harm he really caused. This whole time he thought everything wrong with this relationship, or whatever you wanted to call it, was because Stolas was a prissy royal when all along Blitzø just refused to let him in and kept pushing him away.

Stolas looked up at Blitzø with the most heartbroken look on his face. Neither of them said anything for a minute. With tears sneaking past his eyes he let out a heavy sigh, Blitzø knelt down beside Stolas, reaching out to gently touch his cheek. Once again Stolas flinched away from his touch.

“I'm sorry, Stolas. I not good at this talking shit and the sappy fucking feelings, but I know it’s not an excuse for the way I’ve treated you" he whispered, his voice filled with remorse. He blinked back his tears and kept all his concentration on NOT fucking up again (like that’s gonna happen). Stolas held his gaze on the floor knowing that if he looked at blitzø he would break down for the hundredth time today.

“Stolas please just look at me, I know you don’t give a rats ass about what I have to say but right now is the only time I will probably ever be this vulnerable.” Blitzø said with sniffles as he couldn’t hold it in anymore. Stolas peered up at Blitzø slightly and winced as he accidentally placed his hand back down in the glass shards.

Blitzø took a deep breath, his eyes locked with Stolas'. "I need you to know this," he began, his voice tinged with vulnerability. "I've spent so long blaming you for everything that went wrong between us. But the truth is, I was scared. Scared of letting you in, scared of being vulnerable, scared of letting you get hurt again, scared of me fucking up everything we created." He paused, his voice wavering slightly. "But, Stolas, I can't keep pretending that I don't need you in my life. You're the one person who sees me for who I really am, and I don’t understand how you like me this much I mean got not even M&M like me enough to talk to me on off days for sevens sake!” (unless I’m stalking them) “I've been pushing you away because I was too afraid to admit it." Blitzø's gaze softened, his walls crumbling with each word. "I love you, Stolas. And I'm sorry for all the pain I've caused your bird brain.”

“Yo-you love me blitzø?” Stolas began to cry yet again being the emotional man he is. Everything was twisting and turning in his head. Any words blitzø had said now were going through one ear and out the other.

Blitzø's heart clenched as he watched Stolas cry, the raw emotion in his eyes tearing at Blitzø's own resolve. "Yes, Stolas, I do, but I can’t promise I’ll ever say those shitty words again" Blitzø replied softly, reaching out to gently wipe away Stolas's tears. "I've been too much of a pussy to admit it but don’t expect anymore more of this mushy bullshit." He took a shaky breath, his own emotions threatening to overwhelm him. "But seeing you like this, it's breaking me too. I can't stand to actually see you hurt because of me."

Stolas sniffled, his tears subsiding slightly as he looked up at Blitzø with a mixture of disbelief and hope. "Blitzø, I... I l love you," he admitted, his voice barely above a whisper. "But we can't keep antagonizing each other like this. We have to figure out a way to make this work, or else..." He trailed off, the weight of their uncertain future hanging heavy in the air.

Blitzø nodded, his resolve strengthening as he tightened his grip on Stolas's hand. "I know, pretty bird. And I'm willing to do whatever it takes to make things right between us," he vowed, his voice filled with determination. "We got a long fucking road ahead of us, but I believe we can try this as long and I pull the plug out my ass and man the hell up." With those words, Stolas showed what he could of a smile. His hand had finally healed, not like he didn’t expect that, and went to go grab his robe finally realizing he was butt naked.

“Sorry for my indecency dear, I didn’t expect anyone to smash through my window ever again.” Blitzø took a hold of Stolas’s arm before he could reach his robe. He ripped Stolas back across the room. “Never bothered me pretty bird!” Blitzø smashed his lips onto Stolas’s beak. Blitzo pulled back and sternly looked into Stolas’s bottom eyes, “Also, Don’t you ever fucking try to get rid of me again!!”

[chvoswxtch]

From one court to another court

I'm sooooooo happy for you! You deserve alllllllllll the follows (and likes and comments and reblogs)!!!

For your celebration, I would like to request a margarita with Matt that uses a similar theme to Meredith Grey's "pick me" speech from Grey's Anatomy. Not sure if you've seen it, but it's pretty angsty. The line can either come from Matt or reader. Direct quote below:

Okay, here it is. Your choice, it's simple, her or me. And I'm sure she's really great. But Derek, I love you. In a really, big really big pretend to like your taste in music, let you eat the last piece of cheesecake, hold a radio over my head outside your bedroom window, unfortunate way that makes me hate you... love you. So pick me. Choose me. Love me.

But for the love of all that's holy, it needs to have a happy ending 🤣

I love and appreciate you so much! Congratulations again!!!!!!!!

ahhh my lovely court!!!❤️

thank you so much, angel!! okay this is actually hilarious bc I was OBSESSED with grey's (like literally went into college as a premed bc I swore I was gonna be a surgeon) and meredith was always my favorite and the one I related to most.

i'm gonna make matty be the one to stand in the rain and pour his heart out dramatically bc he's a lil shit and I feel like he's gotten his fair share of love confessions and honestly it's his turn to beg. there is a lot of angst, but a happy, cheeky ending!

i love and appreciate YOU so much!!!! 🥂

blurb below the cut

pick me

pick me. choose me. love me.

Matt only had himself to blame for the jealousy coursing through his veins right now. He’d had his window with you. A long, six months to be exact, wide open window to confess how he really felt. There were several times along the way he almost did, when the truth nearly slipped past his lips almost as easily as his excuses for yet another superficial injury. When your hand slipped down his arm to tangle your fingers together as you languidly strolled behind Karen and Foggy down the busy streets of New York. When you leaned closer into his side as you sat together in one of the booths at Josie’s, even though you had plenty of room. When you pulled him into a quiet space to help him calm down, being able to tell when he was overstimulated just by a simple look on his face.

When he told you the truth and you didn’t yell at him. You didn’t call him a liar, or express betrayal through verbal daggers. You didn’t question the authenticity of his blindness with the revelation of his heightened senses. You didn’t walk out on him. You stayed. 

He should’ve told you that night. 

And even though he convinced himself it was safer for you if he kept his heart to himself, deep down he knew he was a coward. 

He was scared to lose you. He was afraid that he would push you too far, ask for too much patience, or break one too many promises that he wouldn’t be able to rectify with an apology and good intentions. He was terrified that he would lose you like he’d lost Elektra. He wasn’t sure what was worse; driving you to the point of resentment because of something inside himself he couldn’t tame, or that very thing tearing you away from him for good.

But neither of those things were as bad as having to endure you being happy with someone else.

Foggy had warned him from the beginning. He told Matt from the moment he met you that if he didn’t make a move, someone else was going to. Karen had cautioned him that you wouldn’t wait around forever. They were both exhausted with the drawn out pining between the two of you, secretly scheming to get one of you to cave and confess, until Matt had snuffed out that ember of hope entirely.

Karen had set you up with a coworker of hers with the intention of making Matt finally pull his head out of his ass, but when you had asked for his advice about the date, he’d told you to go.

What a fucking idiot he had been. A selfish part of him didn’t think you were going to actually enjoy yourself. He certainly didn’t think you would entertain a second date, or a third. Matt knew how you felt about him. He wasn’t stupid, and you weren’t subtle. Maybe he thought because you felt the exact same way about him, you wouldn’t actually move on.

Matt wasn’t bothered by the idea of you going on a date, but he was absolutely distraught over the reality of you being in a relationship with someone else. He was devastated by the fact that you had a boyfriend that wasn’t him. That someone else was holding your hand, making you laugh, kissing you. It made him nauseous to think of what else another man was doing to you.

He didn’t think it would last. He kept telling himself that any day now, the nightmare would be over. You would tell him that it was over, and he’d have you all to himself again.

But it had been two months, and Matt was getting nervous. What if you never broke up? What if you loved him? Did you love him more than you loved Matt? Would you marry him?

Fuck, he didn’t think he could handle that. That guy didn’t love you. Not like he did. No one could ever love you like him. No one could ever protect you as well as he could. No one was as right for you as he was. You were supposed to be with him. You were meant to be with him.

Matt gripped his cane so hard his knuckles turned white as your boyfriend placed his hand on your lower back and pressed a kiss to his shoulder. He hated that you reacted at all to his touch. But a tiny flicker of hope ignited in his heart knowing that you didn’t react to your boyfriend’s touch like you did to his. He didn’t make you shiver. He didn’t make your heart race. He didn’t make heat spread across the tops of your cheeks.

Maybe he still had a chance.

The second your boyfriend excused himself to the bathroom, Matt was tossing his cane onto the nearest table and practically running towards you, gripping onto your wrist to drag you down the hall to an empty room that he barricaded the two of you in.

“Jesus Christ, Matt! What the hell? You nearly-”

“I lied.”

“What? What are you talking about? You haven’t spoken to me all night-”

“I didn’t want you to go on the date. I don’t want to just be your friend.”

Matt’s own heart rate began to accelerate hearing the way yours started to quickly pound in your chest like thunderous warnings in a stormy sky.

“Matt-”

“I love you.”

As a shaky breath escaped your mouth, Matt tore his glasses away from his face and clutched them tightly in his hand. You always told him you felt like he hid behind them, and he wanted you to be able to see the truth on his face. Taking a step back from him and placing your hand over your forehead, you closed your eyes for a moment as your hands began to tremble.

“Why are you doing this right now?”

“Because I lied to you, and I need you to know the truth.”

“Matthew-”

“Just…listen. Please.”

Matt took several steps forward until he was standing in front of you, swallowing thickly as his hazel eyes blankly stared in your direction, searching his brain for the correct formula of words that would fix his selfish mistake and make you his.

“Okay, here it is. Your choice? It’s simple. Him, or me. And I’m sure he’s really great, but sweetheart…I love you. In a…really…really…big…pretend to like your taste in music, let you eat the last piece of cheesecake, hold a radio over my head outside your window way, love you. So pick me. Choose me. Love me. Please…just…tell me I’m not too late.”

Matt tuned out every sound except for the roar of your heart thrashing in his ears, but it paled in volume compared to the silence that rang even louder. He detected a light layer of sweat forming along your hairline, and your nails were dug so deeply into your hands, he could almost feel the blood pushing against the taut, clammy skin of your palm. You exhaled through your nose in a jagged and swift pattern, and there was heat burning in your face, but Matt couldn’t pinpoint exactly what it was from right now.

“S-Say something.”

“You’re fucking unbelieveable.”

Matt’s tongue darted out quickly to wet his lips as he shifted his weight onto his other foot, placing his hands on his waist while he cleared his throat and tilted his head in your direction.

“Say…something else.”

Throwing your hands up in defeat, you laughed humorlessly as you turned away from him.

“Six months, Matthew. I waited six months for you-”

“I know-”

“And God, I practically did everything but come right out and say I was in love with you-”

“I know, sweetheart-”

“And after everything, all those times you made me believe there was something more, like I wasn’t crazy and reading too much into things. You know, when you finally told me the truth I thought…I thought this is it. I thought that was the last thing holding you back from me but then-you told me to go out with him-”

“I was scared.”

Matt’s confession halted your furious pacing, and he suddenly felt nervous under the intensity of your unwavering gaze. Dipping his head between his shoulders, he let out a deep sigh as he pinched the bridge of his nose.

“People have gotten hurt…because of me. Because of who I really am. I lost-Elektra died in my arms. Twice. I thought…I thought I was protecting you. I thought not being with me…was what was best for you. But…I can’t do it. I thought I could, but I was wrong. I can’t…you can’t be with him. You don’t belong with him, sweetheart. You belong with me.”

“You are the most infuriating man I have ever met in my life.”

The anger had dissipated from your voice, but your heart’s rhythm never faltered, and a melancholic smile glossed over Matt’s lips.

“I know. You still love me?”

An exaggerated sigh flew past your lips as you settled your hands on your hips, shaking your head slowly while staring up at him.

“Well someone has to.”

Matt’s lips parted slightly, and his face morphed into an expression of anticipation feeling the edge of your mouth quirk upwards slowly. He took a cautious step forward, reaching out a hand for yours as an excited grin threatened to take over his entire mouth.

“So…it…it’s me?”

“You know for an Ivy League graduate, you’re not very bright. It’s always been you, Matty.”

The smile that stretched open Matt’s mouth would’ve made you think he had just won a contest, and he didn’t hesitate to rush forward to grab your face in his hands, pulling you in for a long overdue kiss that had you both sighing in content against each other's lips. 

“Shit.”

“What?”

“I…I have to tell him.”

Matt’s lips pulled into a mischievous smirk as he wrapped his arm tightly around your waist, pulling you closer into his chest as he nudged his nose against yours.

“Can I tell him?”

“Matthew!”

“What?”

“Don’t be an ass.”

“I’d let him down gently.”

“No you wouldn’t.”

Matt snickered as he lifted his brows slightly in agreement, leaning in to seek out your lips for another greedy kiss.

“No I wouldn’t.”

[ch4p3lofbl00d]

Nightmares~Ricky Olson

Trigger warning for mentions of abuse and panic attack ⚠️

Y/N Pov:

Nightmare|

I backed away into the corner as my ex came closer to me. He raised his hand, slapping me across the face as I tried to hold back tears. I touched my cheek to see blood dripping down my face at how hard he had slapped me.

Next thing, I knew; he took out his pocket knife and cut my arm open, while pushing me against the wall, yelling "you worthless piece of shit" "you worthless, ugly, disgusting, whore" "you deserve nothing" "you selfish little slut"

He continued doing this, until he grabbed my wrist, dragging me into a closet and locking me in there "there you go bitch. Stay in there and think about what you have done. Worthless bitch"

I hid in the corner of the closet, crying in my hands as I shaked. Next thing, I knew, I couldn't feel anything and I passed out.

End of nightmare|

I woke up in a cold sweat with tears running down my face as I tried to breathe again. I quietly rocked myself back in forth, trying not to wake up, my boyfriend, Ricky, who was sleeping right next to me.

After awhile, I still couldn't calm down and I felt like I was suffocating. I couldn't breathe normally and I felt trapped. My breathes quickened as I sobbed harder; I was shaking violently as I felt being pulled into someone's arms.

Ricky Pov:

I held Y/N as I tried to calm her down from her nightmare. This has been happening a lot recently. Y/N has been having nightmares about her abusive ex and she ended up having panic attacks everynight die to it.

I hated seeing her like it. My girl being heartbroken; it made me want to beat the shit out of her ex. The man who did this to her and caused her so much trauma.

I sighed as I kissed Y/N'S head; she didn't deserve this. She was too sweet to be treated like this. Why would anyone think of doing something like that to such a beautiful girl?

My thoughts got interrupted by hearing a sad, yet soft voice say "Ricky?" I looked down at my arms to see my girl's year stained face. I moved some of her hair out of her face as I said "yes, love?" I saw more tears fall down her face, but I wiped them away as quickly as they fell. "I'm sorry for waking you up... I didn't mean to.. I'm so sorry"

As she said that, it made me feel horrible; I didn't care if she woke me up or not, all I care about if she's safe. I kissed her head as I wiped more tears falling down her face. "Love, you don't need to apologize. I'll wake up anytime you need me. All I want is for my girl to be safe, okay? Because you are safe with me and I love everything about you, my love"

I heard my sweet girl start sobbing again, so I pulled her closer to me as I ruined her back "let it all out, baby" I kissed her head again and heard slow breathing coming from Y/N. I smiled as I realized that she has fallen asleep.

I laid down with Y/N still in my arms. I kissed her cheek and whispered "goodnight, love. Sleep well" I laid her head in my chest, and slowly fell back to sleep with my favorite girl in my arms.

Thank you for reading <3 🖤

[hopeymchope]

I am INCREDIBLY disturbed by the amount of people I see championing the horrifying act of suicide that recently occured outside the Israeli embassy in Washington D.C.

There are people acting as though this should be celebrated and remembered, claiming it's a valuable "sacrifice." Like it's "heroic" — as if this guy (whom I will not be naming here) was standing in a war zone and shielding Palestinian children from IDF bullets or something. As if he was hurting ANYONE who is party to the atrocities he's protesting. Even much-depised suicide bombers accomplish more with their terrorism than this act ever will.

There is NO value in suicide. There is only mental illness, abject horror, and everlasting trauma. There is only the anguish and eternal torment of everyone who ever cared about you, everyone who bore witness to what you did. To celebrate and champion this? Is a selfish, malicious act — one that will cruelly damage many people who need love and support. One that could definitely encourage similar, senseless deaths.

In fact, that is ABSOLUTELY happening. Because of this I am literally seeing people on this very site who are openly considering suicide and openly being encouraged by others to do it. Which is sick shit.

But very, VERY importantly? It actively hurts the cause it claims to be drawing attention to. Because it makes the protesting side look insane and unhinged. With his horrifically awful act, this man brutally undermined the thing he claimed to care so much about. And beyond that? His act of protest did nothing but EXPAND and EXTEND the reach of the horrific violence he claimed to be against. The result is akin to watching someone "protest" what's being done to the children of Gaza by shooting a random baby in the fucking head on the streets of Albuquerque.

What do you think you did? What do you think you accomplished? You spread violence, you scarred everyone around you, you horrified and devastated everyone you know, and you made your side of the argument look awful. THAT'S your impact. THAT'S the attention and message you spread.

But then, that's what this level of depression and mental illness does to a person, isn't it? You lose sight of your own value, you are unable to comprehend what you're doing, and you ultimately do nothing but destroy yourself unless you can get the help you need/deserve. And that's pretty scary. I've been there before. I even had some of these urges before — to unalive myself "for a cause." But I'm SO glad I came out the other side of it. What a waste that would've been. What damage I would've done to everyone I know.

This is a horrible tragedy... and perhaps the saddest part of it is how little it will even matter. People will remember what's currently happening in Gaza for decades, maybe centuries to come. But this act? No one will remember this except, perhaps, as a piece of disturbing trivia. "Can you fucking believe this psycho?" THAT'S the only legacy of this that will ever, EVER matter outside of this poor man's family.

I wish I had some idea of what COULD make a difference in Gaza. It feels pretty helpless to be this far from where all that horror is unfolding on the Palestinians who live there.

If you love this act? If you think it's valuable and/or admirable? I am begging you to reassess your thought processes. If you claim you want to protect innocent lives? Remember that that doesn't just mean the lives that are abroad, and it doesn't just mean protecting the neurotypical. It means valuing and protecting the lives of yourself and those around you, too. Including neurodivergent people who're struggling.

Value lives by valuing your own. Fight violence by not committing violence. Combat horror by not spreading horror. Show love and care for others by caring about how your actions will impact everyone you know.

And if you feel like this kind of act is a good idea for you? There's help. There's ALWAYS other options. And there's ALWAYS a better way out — even if it may seem like there isn't.

I realize people sometimes think they have no other escape. But if you're willing to consider escaping by completely giving up on ever living, then you damn well have to consider every possible alternative first. Cutting off your family, running away, starting from absolute scratch; anything else is better.

[cinamun]

I’m sorry I know it’s late but this has been brewing with me for awhile and I know imma ruffle some feathers so I apologize in advance. I’m angry…. I’m angry for Hope and Elliot but mainly Elliot. What he did was selfish, cruel and disrespectful towards his friendship with Hope and her family. But as someone who tried to commit suicide I understand it…. I understand the loneliness and the pain of failure and staying there and thinking that’s all you are. Elliot legit had NO ONE other than Hope and her family and without realizing it it was taken from him. Hope had every right to discover herself and follow her own path, but she was the only support Elliot had. He was abandoned by his mother, forced to live out a dream by his father, replaced the love for Hope with Hani which was unfair to her and him and never had the time to figure out who he was and what he wanted. Please no one think this is a defense for Elliot and what he did. All I’m saying is I understand why he figured he had no other choice because at that point he was back to being the abandoned child who was alone watching his father trying to relive a time that was gone. Darren was his father, Indya was his mother and Hope was the love of his life all of who had their own lives to live. Elliot was failed by his parents and I’m angry with Sean for not giving him the live he deserved instead taking it away as punishment for the “life” he was “robbed” of by the “woman” who chose to leave. If I see her ass at the service I’m hopping through the screen and beating her ass myself. Thank you for coming to my red table talk.

You know what time it is anonymous friend, let's get into it:

First off, I'm glad you're still here. The bookclub loves you.

Now, here's the thing; the anger is the biggest piece here, its the 2nd stage of grief. Its valid to be angry at everyone who failed this young man INCLUDING this young man. You're absolutely right about the progression of Elliot's reliance on The Drake Family. It became a safe space for him where there was none.

What I hoped to do, and it looked like it worked out, was show how two kids with vastly different backgrounds and experiences might handle something like love. Basically, I took a play out of the Indya/Darren circa 2017 playbook and applied it to the next generation. This time it was Elliot with a broken home and codependency issues, reliant on the love and support of a healthy Hope with a healthy support system being taught healthy boundaries. What drew Hope and Elliot apart is actually something 2017 Indya/Darren just dealt with and that was disrespect and intimidation (Elliot and the B word on the porch).

But we no longer do that here, so Elliot had to go off and deal with his shit. He did so with blunts, whatever, do you bro.

But now as a young adult and all this pressure to perform, he never addresses this deep rooted anger (see what I did there?). Elliot is angry, he's pissed that Hani isn't Hope, that all he is worth is a contract and a smile (and rushing yards and touchdowns). He's pissed off that Hope ran off to go be happy with some random who "doesn't have the history" they do. And we all know what happens when we do things out of anger; as another bookclub member said, we "make permanent solutions for temporary problems". Elliot never made it past the 2nd stage of grief after losing his world.

Personally, I believe he could have if he tried hard enough. Kinda like how Darren did.

[ikamigami]

What were your thoughts on the Monty & Foxy show episode? Near the end Monty talks to Sun about the decision to swap Moons

Honestly idk what to think about it..

Sun is rightfully angry at Monty for never saying anything about it..

And also this idea would have more sense when done right then when Moon got the reset..

I completely agree with Sun that it's both Moons decision to make..

It isn't something that Sun can decide for them and for anyone else actually.. because this is about their lives not Sun's..

I knew that Sun will make the right decision which is that he can't decide about Moon's life because Moon's life doesn't belong to Sun..

And I think that Sun was more angry that Monty didn't tell about this idea immediately because everything would have been avoided then..

I hope that people don't think that Sun doesn't care about Moon anymore.. that he doesn't gaf about Moon anymore.. cause I think that this decision shows us the opposite.. because even if Sun said to Monty "do whatever you want" he said that decision is for Moons to make..

And I think that if he didn't care anymore he'd say that.. he'd say that he doesn't care anymore.. that all Moons are awful and it doesn't matter which Moon will live.. he could've say all that but instead he told Monty that only Moons can decide..

I'm proud of Sun. For still standing by his morals. Because even if he's angry at Moon and could say "screw it, he deserves hell" or something like that.. he can't do that. Because Sun isn't like that. Sun isn't selfish. Sun knows exactly how it is to be unable to decide about your own life.. and ironically Old Moon was the one who always had a say on how Sun's life should look like and yet Sun doesn't want revenge.. but says that it's Moons choice because this is about their lives.. I'm proud of Sun QwQ

My heart is breaking into million pieces upon seeing how much Sun cares despite being treated like garbage most of the time..

Personally idk what to think about this idea..

Maybe showrunners want to merge Moons.. and I mean maybe this would stabilize him.. I mean to me it seems that Moon often acted as if something was missing in him.. and I wouldn't be surprised if it was because they tear him apart.. after all, kill code was a part of Moon.. like very close part of Moon (unlike Eclipse) hence why he lost his memories when they pull out KC from him.. (and maybe that's why KC also didn't want to live because he was missing Moon.. because he's a part of him)

I think that maybe Old Moon who is in the back of Moon's head might be a missing piece of him.. maybe Moon will finally be whole.. and maybe it'll clear his head at least so he could realize how much he messed up and that he was selfish..

But this is all just my speculation.. I can be very very wrong about it..

Whatever will happen, I think that things won't go back to normal too quickly.. especially considering that we have a whole month left till July 16th (be ready for another countdown 😉)

But I'm hopeful. Despite all of this shit that is happening, I really think that everything will turn out okay. Though I'm pretty sure that there will be a lot of angst before that still..

I can't wait to see where all of this is going ^^

Also cause I almost forgot.. Puppet told Monty it's a bad idea and usually it turns out later that Puppet was right.. hence why I think that we'll have more angst before things will get better..