#and it's super unfair to the folks in his life wHO ARE genuinely good to him

[jackdup]

this goes without saying, but building trust with timtam is like pulling teeth bc jeezum crow he has a rough time believing anyone does anything nice for anybody without wanting something in return

and, by extension, if someone does something nice for him, he immediately feels indebted to them

like wtf do you mean i don't have to earn affection? wdym you can just be good to me and it's not for some ulterior motive? don't i owe you, now?

being friends with him is rough. tread carefully ಥ‿ಥ ??

[halehavetogosometime]

omo shipping meme: witcher

Any of y’all kinky bastards into the Witcher yet?

If you’ve wandered here from elsewhere: here be Omorashi. That’s kink to do with pee, folks.

This is an interesting meme to do in this fandom, since it’s not anything close to a contemporary time period. Some stuff didn’t seem to apply at all, so I modified/removed prompts as seemed appropriate.

So here’s my take for Geralt and Jaskier:

--- Who wets because they didn’t want to get up from a video game/computer/work or other activity?

Obvs no video games, but I can see plenty of situations where Jaskier gets, like, super involved in composition, maybe... or, better, is performing someplace, for important folks mebbe, and has some close calls because the banquet goes on so long without a break or whatever. But I would think the hit to his reputation from wetting himself while in the spotlight would be much greater than insisting the musicians get a break, so i wouldn’t think there’d be many actual accidents.

Geralt, however, has definitely pissed himself in the course of a fight/his work and gives 0 fucks about that. it’s not even harder to clean off his clothes/leathers/etc than monster guts, so what the fuck ever.

--- Who insists they can hold it even when they can’t?

Def Jaskier. Like, I can see a scenario where Geralt would do this playfully if they were doing a hold for fun or as part of a sex game or smth. But genuinely? Jaskier is more likely.

though I also accept the take that Jaskier is obnoxious as hell when he needs to pee but can’t right then, and would never put himself through the pain of prolonging the torture, insisting he was chill when he was actually uncomfortable... and yeah, I can see acerbic Geralt in a situ, maybe at some kind of feast or ball where  he can’t just rudely walk away, for fear of reflecting poorly on Jaskier, and he’s no notion how to get away without being rude, so he’s just... he’s fine. he’ll be fine. he can hold forever-- it’ll be fine.

fuk.

--- Who pees in a bottle because they didn’t want to leave their warm bed at night?

I mean, is that not what a chamber pot is? And this is the era of chamber pots. And they both have dicks. I can see somebody making an argument for Geralt, with his canonically advanced sense of smell, preferring not to have waste just sitting around where he’s gonna sleep... but honestly, urine can’t smell worse than monster guts, so, again, I doubt he gives a fuck.

--- Who doesn’t pay attention to their fluid intake?

Jaskier probs. I would think that Geralt is usually hyper-aware of whether or not his body is in optimum condition. When it’s your primary tool/weapon, and you could be in a fight for your life at literally any time... it’d have to be some kind of extenuating circumstance to catch Geralt off guard.

But I can see Jaskier, high on good fun/food/company/wine being caught by surprise as he suddenly is quite full, out of nowhere.

--- Who has the larger bladder?

Geralt for almost certain. Like, Jaskier is a performer and traveler, probs used to good long stretches without prime opportunity for relief, he’s probs no slouch... but Geralt is literally a mutant bred to be physically superior.

--- Who is more likely to have a shy bladder?

Neither, both too pragmatic and comfortable in their own skins, probs. But I could see arguments for either, if an author wanted to go there.

I can see an argument for Jaskier, just because he can be a nervy little dude sometimes, so is the one more likely to experience the kind of anxiety that might cause such a thing (and he’s the one who insists it was unfair of somebody to kill that knight dude while he was “relieving his bowels, is nothing sacred anymore???” XD), perhaps especially while out on the road with Gerlat, where every stray noise in the underbrush might be a monster ready to bite his dick off or something.

And I can see an argument for a hyper vigilant Geralt, who struggles with getting comfortable/secure enough to take a piss, knowing he was uniquely vulnerable during such a time, and working so hard, so often, to NOT be vulnerable to all the shit that would gladly see him dead.

(I can also see a scenario for either one where they struggled with paruresis as a young person, and overcame it, and are caught by unfortunate surprise when it comes back, later in life, for no good/apparent reason)

--- Who will only use an appropriate facility?

Again, the time of chamber pots, I bet most folks have a real loose definition of what constitutes an appropriate facility. One could make an argument for Jasier, city person that he is, vastly preferring designated facilities... but again, he travels, and there are only bushes for “rest stops” between towns, so if he ever felt that way, he’s probs long since gotten over it.

I could actually see an argument for Geralt the other direction. like, he is mostly comfortable pissing in the woods, and actually finds it uncomfortable to do suck things indoors at all... or maybe just really dislikes the smell.

--- Who is more likely to have a holding kink?

Jaskier strikes me as the kinkier mf. like, I can totes see omo as a thing he’s low-key a bit into, like, he kinda digs being forced to hold during a performance, and then once they’re on the road together, he’s gotta play his interests real cool. but once he and Geralt are fucking, then I def can see him bringing it up, either trying to get Geralt to kind of dom him a bit and make him wait, or, shit, maybe getting Geralt to agree to wait.

I can see Geralt that way too, though. like, he spends a lot of time real focused on the state of his body, yeah? so I can see him approaching omo as, like, a way to challenge himself. like, “I can’t control the chaos, but I can control myself”, etc. in that scenario, once Jaskier works out that it’s, like, a sexy thing for Geralt, I put Jaskier 110% down to experiment/play with that.

  --- Who challenges the other to holding contests?

In the same vein as above, it seems like the kind of contrary, kinky shit Jaskier would do. But also Jaskier would have to know that Geralt was likely to beat him. so Either Jaskier finds the who situ hot enough to be worth the loss...

Or it’d be Geralt. Not explicitly phrasing it as a contest, but more goading Jakier into it subtly.

--- How would each react to having an accident?

I think Geralt, as mentioned above, really wouldn’t care. Were it to happen in a way that inconvenienced Jaskier or someone, or happen at a ball/feast/party etc mebbe he’d be a bit shamefaced, but in general, that will not be the grossest thing to happen to him this week, so I don’t think he cares much.

I think Jaskier, vain hedonist that he is, is more likely to be genuinely embarrassed or humiliated, and probably play it off with humor.

But in most situ, they’ve got bigger stuff to worry about, and hygiene at this point in “history” is low enough, (and their professions, I cannot state enough, involve being in close proximity to animals/wildlife/monsterguts), I don’t think it’s the sort of thing that would ruin either of their days for very long.

--- How would each react to the other being desperate/having an accident?

I think Geralt would find Jaksier in that position a bit funny or obnoxious based on the situation (and whether he had a kink), but likely would do his best to help him eventually, as he does with most things. (unless it was Jaskier being stubborn/prideful/arguing with Geralt that led to the situ, in which case Geralt would probs be quite happy to let the sucker piss himself, and serve him right).

Roles reversed, I think Jaskier’s first response would be surprise/incredulity to see the Witcher that far out of control. he’s quite protective of Geralt in his turn, however, so again, depending on the situ, he’d be helpful, likely.

--- Who is more likely to wet because of anxiety/fear?

Jaskier, 100%. I’m not sure Geralt experiences fear intensely enough most of the time to get to that point.

--- Who is more likely to wet deliberately?

Jaskier, if part of some kinky game, I think. Geralt in a fight/if it serves some purpose.

[neshabeingchildish]

Poly Wanna? Ch.3

A/N: Anonymous Guest - If you’d like to have a chat about these things, say it with your chest, and I’ll say my part. We’ll have an exchange. If you want to use the space set aside for reviews without identification or giving me the opportunity to reply to you personally, then I have to give you the two cents here and everyone has to be subjected to it. It’s an M rating story, so I’ll presume you have your big girl panties on and can take a reply and for anyone else around, in case they have some confusion about my stand on these things, this applies to all.

I just want to remind everybody that this is free labor and if you want somebody to do anything on your timetable, you oughtta go ahead and fund them. You don’t? Cool. Take wtf they’re willing to give you. Or leave it. None of us have to be here. If you’re here because you would love to read a story that I am currently writing, I’d love for you to stick around and will give you the best story that my skills have to offer, free of charge and therefore not obliged to demands. If you’re here to be an executive producer with a production schedule, you made a wrong turn at the intersection of Fuck You and Pay Me. Thanks for your time. I understand if ours together has come to an end. Read what brings you what you want to see and feel, and I’ll write what brings me that WHEN I write it! 

I will abandon this and delete it before turning over authority on what happens here to anybody, or subjecting myself to being treated like a content mule. Juneteenth happened, Sis. You don’t have no slaves here. In the immortal words of my mama, and many-a-Black-mamas, “I’m not one of your lil’ friends.” You better approach me like you got some sense if you trying to ASK ME to do something for my consideration. Peace and many blessings. And now, my update…

@adorkable-blackgirl  @chenoahchantel @cactus-con @up-the-tube @riebellion  @itsyaapollochild@oof–musicals @lesbian-so-what @woahjusttakeiteasy-man @meadowstryingtobepretty @imma-sensitive-btch @okaygal21 @midernacht @divinereign4ever @xoxoemille

A Very Henry Morning

Henry generally woke up in just enough time to blend some juice and watch the sunrise over Swellview, the city that he fought everyday to protect. It was a lasting ritual, from whenever he was with Charlotte. She would always get up super early for yoga and meditation, blend them some juice, then, he’d get up and watch the sun rise with her. The first time, she tapped him to wake him and said, “Sorry to wake you, but you’ve gotta see this.” He quickly rushed out of bed, wondering if a Swellview emergency was underway. This was more important! She went to the balcony of their apartment, cute body clad in her yoga gear and just stared at the rising sun, in awe. “It’s like whenever the day starts anew, not only is it another chance to get things a little more right, but she really brings the day in, in style.” Charlotte was smiling as the morning got gradually brighter and staring at the lifebringing star until it became too bright to behold. Henry was looking at her.

He wanted to ask her if she really thought that was worth waking him up this early, knowing that he went to sleep late at night after crime fighting, but just the way she drank it all in and the way it became a little brighter and a little warmer as he drank her in… Instead, he’d said, “Tomorrow, wake me up earlier! We almost missed it,” and gave her a kiss on her cheek. Presently, he had been doing this without her now for 6 years. “She really brings the day in, in style,” he would say out loud to himself, every time. For years, he did it hoping that Charlotte was somewhere out there, doing the same and that for that moment in time, they were connected again. He would imagine her in whatever her current form had been from (cyberstalking her) and he would recall the way that she looked whenever they first did this.

When he was with Jasper, he didn’t share that moment with him. It seemed unfair to Charlotte, even though even being involved with Jasper was another betrayal of sorts, the sunrise was holy. It was set apart. It was a part of he and Char that was too big, too bright for anybody, even her to ever be able to take away from him… and he was too selfish to share it with anybody else, even Jasper.

Now, his internal clock was set to make the juice and go to the terrace. He watched the sunrise and then, and only then was he willing to begin his day. Henry usually finished off his juice before the sun rose fully and put the glass into the wash when he came back in. He grabbed his watering pot and went to water all of his plants that needed it and simply check in with the ones that didn’t. “The sunrise was beautiful today. Forecast is that she might scorch you if I let you outside, but I’ll definitely let her in, so she can kiss you all on your little faces,” he said. He himself kissed flowers. He himself touched them lovingly, talked to them, asked nothing more of them than for them to be healthy and flourish, but sometimes shared his life with them. Henry had a therapist, but he knew whenever he spoke to his therapist that he was speaking to a therapist and he, as a therapist sometimes worried about whether he was handling his own therapy properly, or if his fears got into the way of his needs. Speaking with his plants helped him to figure out when he was being unreasonable, irrational, or counterproductive. Because, the way that he spoke with them was like one would a child that they love with their whole heart, explaining things for them to understand, and being honest and realistic, but protecting them from one’s own problems. Accountability mattered when you spoke with someone you loved. You would honestly do whatever you could to make sure that they don’t see you differently and make the declarations to better yourself to them. He did that with his plants, then shared the genuine portions that he walked away with for therapy. They kept him honest.

He kept a 3 foot garden statue of Blodeuwedd in his home and had various depictions of her flowers form in artwork all over the place, along with other deities, myths, legends associated with flowers. He’d keep statues nearby the plants to “protect them,” in that way that a dad looks underneath the bed and in the closet for monsters. He’d collected Flora, Khloris, Hegemone, among others but, Blodeuwedd was his favorite, for some reason. Unless you counted Dionysus! Now, one thing about that guy was that he was known mostly for his partying, yeah? Wine, fertility, ritual madness… People generally thought orgies and drunkenness… which… make no mistake, Henry was not opposed to and would even call himself a fan, but Dionysus was also, among these other fun things, god of the grape harvest… He was a god of fruitfulness and vegetation! Henry felt like it was unfair to simply see him as a wild hedonist when he was to thank for fertility and cultivation. Henry was pro-fair… And maybe, just maybe identified with the demigod, just a little bit. 

Folk rarely saw the portion of Henry that loved as hard as he did when he experienced the sun saying good morning to all of nature and made his first moves of her arrival an offering to those who could not live without her. Now, let’s not get ahead of ourselves, Henry Hart is no mystic. He doesn’t worship the sun, the plants, or any of the gods and goddess spread around his home for the aesthetics. But, whenever he spent time with these plants, whenever he gave love to his flowers, he believed in something greater than himself, and that was all of the faith that he needed to go out and protect this world everyday.

People were fine, or whatever… but also they were human. They were the threats to nature, to the earth, the environment, and all that the sun shone on everyday. Mister Feelgood never had to fight an animal. It was always people that did the evil that required his life’s work to exist. Many moons ago, he had fought a bear, but since then wondered if other steps might have been taken. Captain Man was not one to really do the sensible thing in a fight scenario. 

As he got older, Henry tried to figure out ways to best avoid a fight. He was fast approaching 30, probably would reach it before he knew it, and he was in great shape - the best shape of his life, but he also knew that this vessel expiration date. He wasn’t Captain Man. He wasn’t indestructible, and some of his peers were already discussing that the warranties on their knees had lapsed. A few years ago, he might have replied, “RIP to them, but I’m different.” But, he was showing signs of power failure, himself. He became sore more easily than he did as Kid Danger, well, since the early days, at least. He was sore all of the time from ages 13-15. He thought it would never stop. That his body would ache for the rest of his life. 

By 16, he was accustomed to his hypermotility, trained to perfection in its usage and skilled beyond his wildest thoughts in fighting technique. He didn’t have a single pain for almost 2 years. Then, Rick Twitler stripped him of that. The soreness increased, as he spent more energy to get used to things, but he adjusted pretty quickly and became just as trained and skilled with his normal Henry body. It worked out for him for years, in and out of that outfit. But, by 25, he started getting a little more tired than usual. 

He worked on his diet and regulated his energy levels better. Within another year, he started feeling like he needed more sleep at night. He began a vitamin regimen and looked into some natural remedies for fatigue and sleep deprivation. Now, even his libido was changing. Pre-Charlotte Henry kissed strangers, made out with hot villains, hooked up with any cute flavor that would give him the time of day. That seemed to be normal teenage behavior, in his mind. Post-Charlotte Henry was a little more reserved for a while. He’d had this life changing relationship, failed at it, and wanted to proceed with either extreme self destruction, or instant carnal gratification. There was no in between. He either was a hermit, or a hoe, for months after they broke up, and only tried to moderate that whenever he began seeing Jasper.

Unfortunately for Jasper, Post-Charlotte Henry was still suffering when he picked up what they had, so… while he was truly trying, he still had the tendency to accelerate from hubby to harlot goals in a heartbeat. Unfortunately for Jasper, Henry had not yet gotten to the point where he could honestly and objectively take a look at his own fuckery and see where he messed up and he certainly wasn’t about tackling sorting through his own heartbreak so that he wouldn’t become one of those hurt people who hurt people. Unfortunately for Henry, Jasper was a keeper, and he was still so heartbroken that he lost the one keeper that he could acknowledge back then, that he lost ANOTHER. How the fuck did you throw away two keepers, you egotistical, emotionally stunted, self-centered, sex crazed… He stopped himself. Speak about your mistakes in the same way that you would speak to a friend about theirs. When you have no friends that you can think of, though… Speak to yourself like you would speak to the lost ones. To Charlotte. To Jasper…

He grabbed his hygiene bag - it was like a tactical control bag, but full of his facial and skin care, dental products, and his cleansing and fragrance supplies. The bag was full of things that he used on a daily basis, and also his weekly and monthly care. Henry took care of himself. His hair, skin, and teeth were always a priority that he was sure rubbed off from Char, too. Hell, they were together the first 4 years after graduation. Those were formative years for him. He used to wash his face and body with the same damn soap, his face with his hands and his body with a loofah that he always kept until it fell apart. He used to brush his teeth within 40 seconds. His hair took the most time of everything he did and all he ever did was wash it with a shampoo and conditioner 2 in 1… and if he ran out, the same damn soap he washed his face and body with!

Charlotte got him into separate cleaners and applicators. Like, whenever he washed his face, he didn’t even do so in the shower, because he had an entire process to make sure his face was well cared for and the shower wash wouldn’t be timed right for it. Usually, he did wipe his face in the shower, because of washing his hair and the water and steam, but he didn’t really wash it until he did his face after the shower. The shower itself, he would  wash his hair, let conditioner set in it and then wash his body, some of his parts had different cloths, ALL of the cloths went into the laundry when he finished washing up. He always moisturized his damp skin, and put on his deodorant before his facial routine, which was kind of extensive, but had him looking better at 27 than he had at 17, meanwhile… not to say that Jasper looked bad, but… He definitely hadn’t aged as well as Henry and Char had and perhaps she’d help him, like she helped Henry. 

Her influence had helped him become the casanova that he dreamed himself to be when he was younger. Though lately, his desire had been limited. He didn’t even get off on the thrill of the chase anymore. He was super focused on this television project, so he thought maybe that might be affecting things. He wondered and worried if throughout recording that he might have to play up his sexual conquests so that his life would look more like it had looked for the past few years, or if the show would simply redefine him, or worse, make him look like he was faking for TV, since he didn’t seem to want to go on any dates at the moment. He always went on dates. People knew that. If he wasn’t on a date, he was at a party and he was coming home with somebody’s date.

He had family game night at his parents’ neighbors’ house a couple of weeks before and whenever they were playing word association games. Someone said Henry, and every member of his family said one of the following list: Slut, sex, and STD. He didn’t want to say who said what but at the same time that he told Piper, “I have never once had an STD. I’m a sex therapist for crying out loud!” his mother was asking his father, “Why would you say SEX?” And his “I’m a sex therapist for crying out loud!” Conveniently replied to both Piper and his mom. But… he was still a little embarrassed. Nobody said gardening or flowers. Nobody said therapist. Nobody said even the word that he had been to them for 27 years, 21 for Piper - son, brother, dude who lived with us? He sighed. That was worse than that time that one of Piper’s friends referred to him, not even as Piper’s promiscuous brother… “What was the point of the adjective?” he’d asked.

He wasn’t embarrassed so much as hurt, a little bit. Because all throughout his adolescence, nobody knew him outside of being a friend to hometown faves. Charlotte Page, the smartest girl in town. Jasper Dunlop, a hero and an activist against unjust laws. Ray Manchester, the longest running most handsome man in Swellview. Piper “the Queen of Harts,” child commercial actress and self made public figure/influencer. And someone actually told him, “Honestly, I don’t think anybody would care how many chicks you banged if you weren’t Piper Hart’s brother. You’re a sex therapist and probably a sex addict and you have a sister who began the Holdin’ Out for a Hero chastity challenge.”

Little did that person know, that challenge got Mister Feelgood as much ass as Henry Hart. But, now, for some reason, he couldn’t even think about doing that. He wasn’t sure what was wrong with him until today’s shower. Up until then, he just presumed he was getting old and tired of it. Like, dating was exhausting sometimes and parties seemed louder than they used to. Sex? Still awesome. That could never change, but… whenever he had the chance for any, he would prefer to pass. 

He had a date the night that he asked Jasper to speak with him about the venture. “I wanna ask Charlotte, as well, but I still have no access to her,” Henry said, casually. There wasn’t a hint of sadness in his voice or even in his heart at that moment, because it had been nearly seven years and Charlotte being out of the loop and out of his life was commonplace, now.

“Does it pay, because I can probably get her to entertain the thought, if it does?” Jasper asked.

“Who are you talking about?” Henry heard a voice ask in the close background… Like real close… like.. Either hovering right over Jasper’s shoulder, or sitting in his lap close.

“Shhh. You,” Jasper said. Like… their voices seemed to be coming from the same place.

“Don’t you SHHH me!” She snapped and it was right in Henry’s ear! Like she was holding the phone. Even with her being loud and angry in his ear, this was one of the sweetest sounds Henry had heard in years. Her actual voice. She sounded different, older, but pretty much the same. Her language and tone definitely brought back memories. All he had was old footage of her at different times. This was more than he bargained for whenever he called Jasper’s phone. He didn’t even know that they were in communication with each other and they sounded… so close…

She and Jasper were fussing and sounded like tussling, probably Jasper trying to move the phone away as he softly said, “Henry’s asking me about meeting up with him at the old spot about some business.”

“Oh,” she said, and then her voice faded into the background saying, “Well, yeah, I’d talk to Henry for money, I guess.”

Jasper whispered something to her that Henry couldn’t hear, then it sounded like he kissed her? Then it sounded like she giggled. Henry… felt… so odd in that moment. Jasper returned to the call and said, “Sorry. Charlotte knocked me off of the bed,” he laughed.

“The bed?” Henry repeated, halfway in a daze, halfway like he didn’t understand the word or phrase the bed was what you said about your bed. Was he and Charlotte in this bed together?

“Yeah,” Jasper seemed to read his mind. “You.. haven’t seen any of my posts tagging her?”

“No, she has me blocked on everything.”

“Yeah, but I don’t.”

“She actually went into the programs and made them to where Schwoz can’t hack her, so I’m sure she’s got a way for me to not even be able to see her through someone else’s feed.”

“Oh… well…” Jasper laughed a little bit uncomfortably. He had thought that Henry knew, but he could tell that he was just putting it together, “We’re a couple now!” He cheered. “It’s still new, but… yeah..”

Henry wasn’t quite sure which of the multitude of emotions would wind up taking over for the night, but in that moment while he let a silent tear fall, he cleared his throat, put on his happiest voice and said, “That’s awesome for both of you! You two deserve people like each other. Bring her along to the brownstone for the meeting, then. That’ll be good..” After he hung up, he cancelled his date. He didn’t want to put his mixture of emotions on anyone else tonight. That night, he opened a bottle of wine that he was saving for some special occasion or another… He never really had special occasions, so mostly wine that he saved for special occasions either remained right where they were, or rarely, there were nights like that night, where the occasion was that he found out the love of his life and the person he regretted hurting the most were together… and he didn’t know which one of them was which, even as he contemplated that fact. Both of them were, in their own ways, the love of his life. Charlotte had been his first love. Jasper had been his second chance. He didn’t fully grasp either of their importance until their presences were snatched away. Neither of them are that foolish. They’ll recognize what they have in each other and it will last forever. His lost ones. The ones that got away. They’ll have a great love. A beautiful love. A strong love. And… he might not ever be able to witness it, if he can’t charm Charlotte into putting up with him, but maybe worse, he’ll be able to and have access to her, then he’ll see it take place and mourn from the outside that they had (what they deserved) without him. He drank the entire bottle and fell asleep on the daybed on the terrace. He hadn’t felt sexual since then.

But, after he met up with Charlotte and Jasper, something happened. He grabbed his hygiene bag, like we covered before, he went to prep and recalled how Charlotte helped him step his game up, then he was thinking about when they used to share showers. She liked that. Sharing showers and stories in the steam, washing each other’s backs and each other’s hair, kissing, touching, oiling each other up to nourish the skin… everything else. 

He wondered as he was washing off if she was doing that with Jasper now… Making him hotter, cleaner, flawless, while engaging in conversations that bring them closer together and just being sexy AF in the process. If they were in the shower, kissing, touching… everything else and before he knew it, he definitely was feeling sexual again. His libido had not failed him after all. It was the shower, so he made quick work of handling his business and moving along. However, when he got out of the shower, and prepared to do his face, he saw that he looked refreshed. He looked happy again. He at least looked like he was himself, again. So… Maybe he wouldn’t be on any dates any time soon, but fantasizing about Charlotte and Jasper wasn’t harming anyone and seemed to help him a lot this morning. So, that was what he would do, if he needed that. 

[countessgreytea]

I stumbled upon a forum and started reading through some MM threads.  One anonymous poster had some interesting things to share in a thread from late September 2018: 

So, I volunteered/worked for the DOS during the end of her toronto years and the transition. I don't like to bash black industry because I feel it's vital for us to make our own opportunities and grow our own wealth, but this tea is absolutely true, and then some. Certain power players would absolutely fawn over her when they met her with her ex husband and when she went to audition would literally laugh in her face. I will defend her against anyone calling her a hooker. That's absolutely untrue. She made a lot of her extra money by befriending fashion people and ultimately getting paid for appearances at dinners/red carpets. She was an opportunist, but honestly if it were a dude, we wouldn't be judging him the way people judge her. I can honestly say that the relationship timeline given to the public regarding Harry is false. If you find that interview with her ex's mom and read between the lines, you'll see it. She has historically not been great with timelines. If people have questions I can answer a few. I'm still in touch with her because I've moved on to work for her friend who is very much in touch with her.

.....

So she and CV (the ex) were as good as engaged even around the end of April - they were both at my birthday dinner. CV is engaged to a singer and they have a baby on the way - that's how ready he was to start a family. He's a really good guy. Even now when I go in to one of his joints and he's around we chat and he offered his family vacation home for me to take my mom for a week. I don't often say this about white men, but I really respect him, he reminds me of my dad. It's a little hard to believe now, but she was more of an earthy Cali girl pre-prince, so they weren't super serious about a formal engagement. CV was totally head over heels and the only reason they were waiting was bc meg really wanted to branch into movies and do something meaningful before settling down with kids and moving into a travel/food show. "Think Bourdain meets Nora Ephron meets hippie chic" is what I wrote in my notes when we were writing up a proposal. I was actually really excited about it, I was going to work on the show. Priyanka Chopra has sorta copied the idea and but changed it so she meets famous people lol. (I have PC tea too, someone point me to a thread and I'll post). Prinze was seeing someone. I hope you'll respect that I won't spill bc that could get me into real trouble. He and nutmeg actually met in the run up to invictus, she "wanted to help" but this is code for wanted to make connections. When they met sparks flew and basically she was like damn issa prince and made her moves accordingly. There was a month between the breakup and the first date and the breakup actually wasn't "final" it was "just a break." She said she was feeling like she was in a rut. From date #1 onwards it was a whirlwind. It was really lovely to watch two people fall in love but very tough bc I knew what had gone down prior. As far as I know she is not pregnant, she is doing IVF though and it has caused a little bloat. That's why her clothes are rarely fitted. She'll be pregnant towards the end of the Aussie tour if all goes as planned. She is very calculating but I really respect her game. For example, that story about the corgis laying at her feet was planted bc white people love anything to do with dogs (I mean, so do the rest of us but white people don't have great attention spans, let's be totally real). She has a natural strategic intelligence from her mother. I cannot say enough wonderful things about her mother. Oprah and Iyanla got nothing on her, imo. This prince thing is the first time ms.meg did someone dirty since I started working for her. She secured the bag, so good for her, I guess.

.....

Made moves - set up the Wimbledon appearance and "happened" to be at the soho house hotel so prinze and her could see each other again. It's a hotel that the public doesn't have the same kind of access too. 

.....

about the engagement interview, and the corgi anecdote:

Oh girl, you don't even know what I did for that interview. Just because Harry told the story doesn't mean it wasn't planted. They planted in the interview so that people would go "aww." Think about the placement of that anecdote - right after they spoke about meeting family and how they'd spent a lot of time together in the past 1.5 years. The story was to push that narrative over the edge by associating it with a sweet story.

.....

Someone replied that MM was in Mexico when PH was in Toronto ahead of IG:

My girl, this doesn't mean we didn't reach out and get in touch with the invictus team. The Internet issa crazy thing!

.....

Whether PH knew about CV:

I actually don't know much about this side of the story - I worked for the DOS, not the prince. I never had access to her personal texts or anything. From what I felt though, I don't think he knew exactly how serious they were

.....

Sure! Auntie Dee has been through a lot in her own life. People haven't looked much into her own childhood, but there was family tension and abuse, but she never let that get her down. She was quick to compliment on good character "thank you for your honesty" "thank you for your grace" "i admire your strength." She really is crazy about yoga though, she says it helps preserve the body. She is not at all judgmental to people who do yoga the first time, including myself, and doesn't like that white women culture vulture yoga from Indians - she is fierce about respecting heritage. She loves gardening. She is lowkey a very strong Christian...idk how that fits with yoga tbh but she's cool with it. She is completely self-made and raised up several black women and other women of color in her professional life (yoga and social work and other artistic endeavours)

..... About the article with CV’s mom : “Mrs Vitiello surmises that Meghan and Cory had been apart for about three months before she first met Harry.”: 

Regarding that Daily Mail article: the specific wording is surmised. The meaning of the word surmise is to suppose something is true without having the evidence to confirm it. I know the person trying to poke holes in my tea won't believe it, but that specific word was fought over and eventually money was paid in order for that specific word to be used.

.....

I could be wrong here - I'm definitely not in her inner circle anymore (professionally there is no real room for upward movement, I started working for her blog so I could eventually work in digital publication and PR). I also know nothing about IVF - I just heard from my boss (her friend) that it causes bloat and it's really unfair that people judge her. I know for sure she is on IVF bc she needed an injection during her trip to Toronto and her PPOs were unhappy and my boss talked about it a lot.

.....

There are a lot of royal "rules" that the family must abide by that aren't normal for you and me, including medication. The physician must be present alongside the assistant to ensure that the shot has not been tampered with, etc. Remember, British royalty goes back to the days of people poisoning each other regularly, there are still archaic rules. I don't know more than that, I'm only peripherally in her life anymore. 

.....

someone asked about PH/MM’s dynamic:

I only saw the beginning, until the move to London. They are both demonstrative, but just from knowing her, I can tell she's a little more cautious in public - she doesn't want to seem too American/gauche. She'll probably relax as she has kids and sinks into her role, you know? It's tough to be totally yourself when you have so many eyes on you.

.....

Do the BRF like MM?

All I've been told is that they love her but they way it's been said seemed like the person who said it was trying to convince themselves as well as me. From emails and coordination purposes, "the firm" aka the staff took to her really well and Prince Chuck liked her a lot too. 

.....

What happened in Toronto with photographers before PH made his statement?

People were trying to break into her house and get onto the Suits set. She jetted to London one evening and eight hours later the statement had been released. It was released like 6 AM ET, I believe. 

.....

Her husband, as far as I know, was not a good dude. She never went into specifics but the person who worked for her prior alway said to forward any emails from him to her lawyer. Their relationship was not good. 

.....

About Suits, and were other family members at her wedding:

She speaks to the women and Rick, not so much Patrick and Gabe but was genuinely on good terms with everyone. I think she misses it, she tries to be normal by going about doing the same things she did in Toronto but I don't think it's the same. It's okay, she's a princess, she'll survive. Other family members were there, yes. 

.....

Oof, where you got all this sourness from? No bankruptcy, no jail (though she did work at correctional facilities). I think the living with her dad thing was just because of proximity to her school. I believe she spent Friday to Sunday evenings with her mom. 

.....

Her offering help with IG:

So she was not volunteering the way you or I would volunteer, but she was reaching out to ask whether she could lend her knowledge of Toronto and relationships with people there to help make things run smoothly. It's not really work, it's basically just talking lol. All these celebs who say they are the UN ambassador for whatever just go on paid vacations to poor folks' homes and film themselves being selfless aka playing with kids and then "lending their support" aka throwing a bit of money or "having high-level conversations." They were both in relationships at the time they first connected and the time they first met. She was looking to see if there was an opening for her, if that makes sense. The "first date" they talk about combines their first meeting and then the actual date after he expressed interest (they broke up with others to date, but remember, DOS told her ex that it was a break because she felt she was in a rut and not feeling connection with him). They definitely were texting a lot before the real first date.

.....

I never heard anything about this - if it's true, my apologies to the poster. I did not know everything about their lives. Doria did not strike me as someone who would file for bankruptcy but I know that many people "aren't the type"

.....

As far as I know Kate is cordial to DOS but you would really expect her to make more of an effort. There seemed to be some jealousy/distrust apparently. 

....

is she close with doria?:

I think they played up the closeness a bit during the "courtship" but from what I saw, they certainly became closer during that time too. I can say that she had been taking care of her mom financially when I was around.

.....

I know when she gets angry she tears up and gets very quiet. 

[zoedozy]

alright i’m barely even coherent enough to type down my thoughts after 5 hours of sleep and an episode of hyperventilating and sobbing but let’s fucking do this

let’s start with this: this is the canon ending we have. you can choose to love it, hate it or be neutral. just respect other’s opinions on it and don’t harass anyone. and please know that the team behind voltron worked hours, weeks, months, to years on this show. 

now let’s get down to business to defeat the huns

i’m sure lance, allura and allurance stans can agree they both deserved better. now allurance may not have been my ideal endgame (if you can call it that), but it was still cute. i saw it coming, we all kinda did. lance has grown and matured enough as a person, and allura saw that at least. so i am pleased with what we got with them. the date, the kiss, the cuddling and lance’s genuine care and worry for allura really made me like what they had while it lasted. 

also rip to any other shippers out there, especially to the plance and sheith shippers out there, as a plance and sheith shipper myself i mourn with you. but remember, not everything has to be canon in order for you to love it. 

now i think we should really get to business. 

allura deserved so much better. she was someone who had thing taken from her: her family, her planet, her entire race, her crown and finally her own life. and she accepted that. which is unfair beyond belief, she deserves to be happy with the rest of the paladins. but after bingeing the past seasons, there were many times where allura would attempt to do things for the greater good, even if it cost her life. it felt obvious in the end. does that mean i agree with it? no. does that mean i didn’t bawl at 8am? absolutely not. i may be brain dead at the moment, but i can’t think of another way to restore every reality imaginable, to let other characters live. in the end she was able to bring life back to destroyed planets, at the cost of her own. 

each goodbye she said to the paladins ripped my heart out, what hurts me most that she couldn’t say one to coran, her second father. the man who helped raised her didn’t even get to say goodbye.

now my theory about lance becoming altean(?) is that it was obviously a gift to him, to remember her bye. does that mean he has altean powers now? idk. we don’t get an explanation other than his marking glow when the voltron lions fly off. i’ve seen someone say it could be a soulmate mark and it glows when allura’s presence is near?? i like that idea

also what was with the lions?? why did they fly off? did they pick up some energy and that’s why they were flying towards the shape of allura in space? or were they flying away because they were no longer needed to protect the universe?? or it was used as a dramatic effect to send off the series. i really hope to get some answers

ok but it all honestly, for voltron to have a m/m kiss is pretty big. i’m happy shiro found true happiness, but i’m obviously disappointed it wasn’t keith, aka, his best friend, the man who was literally the closest person to him. i mean curtis is okay, he cute i guess. but he’s literally some random dude that shiro knew only for a year, and we didn’t see that development besides curtis cheering him on at the arm wrestling competition and then boom! wedding. keith knew him for years, and you can’t just forget about their relationship like that. 

i’m pleased to know for sure lotor was severely misguided, and his true intention was to help people. but the years of abuse finally made him snap, and he suffered. he looked happy to see his mother, and his real father on the other side. also let’s mention that lotor’s corpse was still inside the sincline and it was decomposing YIKES. AND MY THEORY ABOUT THE CORRUPTED QUINTESSENCE IN HIS VEINS WAS RIGHT I CAN BE HAPPY ABOUT THAT AT LEAST!

alright now for some stuff that hasn’t really been talked about

let me gush about pidge and the holts in general because it’s mandatory. pidge was willing to give up a super rare video game to dress allura up, and to make lance happy. SHE WAS HEARTBROKEN BY THE DESTRUCTION OF OLKARION, SHE APPRECIATED WHAT RYNER TAUGHT HER SO MUCH!!! SHE COULD SE THROUGH TIME YO!! pidge moved on from her glasses.. giving them to her robot chip to show that her character arc is finally done, how much she’s grown. god THAT SHIT HURTED. colleen and pidge are literally me and my own mother and i love them. matt with a pony tail is amazing, and short hair matt ain’t half bad yo. sam holt still continues to be a legend

HUNK GOT THE BEST OF THIS SEASON LET’S BE REAL. HE WAS AN ICON THROUGHOUT THE WHOLE THING

og paladins?? zarkon realizing what he did?? holy shit

there was like... nothing of keith and shiro. so rip sheith again

kosmo got REALLY FUCKING BIG

and once again, allura deserved all the happiness in the world

(12/15) EDIT

i got some more stuff

again, allura deserved better and didn’t even need to die. yeah, with her gaining access to oriande and saying “i need to learn the secrets of life. i give my own.” was a hint to her death. even if we got the open ambiguous ending with shiro and keith, allura would’ve died anyway. i feel that was inevitable with all the build up with her attempted sacrifices before. but what doesn’t make sense about it and why it wasn’t needed, is that honerva also gained access to oriande, she would’ve learned just as much as allura. so allura dying with honerva is unnecessary. honerva could’ve just died alone to bring back every reality without allura. it could’ve been avoidable, so yeah it’s unfair.

also i fully believe lance ain’t altean, the marks are just a reminder of allura. it’s practically a scar for him to remember her, and they glow when her presence is around. i feel he won’t be able to fully move on from that, and it’s just cruel to have him emotionally suffer like that. tbh i also don’t think it’s wrong for lance to be a farmer, he already knew how to milk a cow so? i guess some of his family were involved with a farm in the first place idk.

the very final image with allura space i think is the reference to the cosmic dust, and how they are all connected in a way. still don’t know why the lions left their paladins on altea just to fly into space but go off i guess

pidge gave up her own happiness for allurance’s, pidge really out there supporting allurance. also i will always believe pidge had a crush on lance and swallowed it down in order to make someone else happy and that’s that. rip plance but it’s still in my heart

also bi veronica and lesbian acxa own my soul thanks

ryan kinkade?? a true director, everyone loves him.

i hope hunay may have gotten together post canon so i have that but rip team punk but i always saw them more as a brotp

like sheith was literally forgotten about... all of what they meant to each other just disappeared and it was bs. i could go on but i don’t wanna get more upset.

in conclusion: sheith and allurance deserved better, allura deserved better in general, so did lance, basically everyone deserved better in this season. many writers left after s6 because they didn’t agree with what dreamworks wanted to do with the show and that’s why it’s so messy. the staff had their hands tied. thanks for coming to my ted talk.

so. wow that’s it huh? that’s the last premiere of voltron i can rant about. well, it’s been one hell of a ride, folks.

[spelviin]

endgame thoughts, not because i think i have anything valuable to say abt it, more just bc i want to get my initial unsullied opinions out before various overly nitpicky or overly praisy internet thinkpieces come around

okay so. first of all, i’m tired to death of the way folks talk about the mcu. like, it’s either a godly feat of everything and the most important thing ever or the literal devil incarnate and the source of all evil in this world. i am literally so fucking bored of both these perspectives and have zero time for either of them. 

yes, the mcu is emblematic of a lot of problems in the current state of the film medium as a whole. yes, it is also a really cool feat of storytelling that a whole bunch of movies spanning a whole bunch of years could all come together and culminate in a big huge blowout finale. yes, it could have been far better, but yes, it also could have been far worse. 

i wasn’t a fan of thor being a punchline in this film. like, the whole “lol thor fat” thing was like, really tired and not cool. and the fact that his genuine moments of expressing grief and the significant trauma he’s been through were played off for laughs more often than not bc “lol thor supposed to be big many man but he’s crying like a wimpyboy instread.” like, fucking please. it’s 2019 and other male characters were allowed to be shown crying and processing their trauma but thor’s??? not allowed for some reason??? anyway they did him dirty in this movie and i’m not super pleased abt that. 

i didn’t like that they fridged natasha. i’m not a fan of scarjo so much these days, but i did like natasha. 2012 me adored her and was 100000% behind her as the Only Woman (despite being miffed that she was the Only Woman) and i really liked her character and redemption arc through the films that she appeared in. and like, i get the justification for fridging her. like i get that she was this assassin who killed a bunch of folks and in the end, not only wiped out the red in her ledger, but saved the whole damn universe in doing so. i get that. i’m just annoyed that they literally went and fridged the Only Woman to give the boys manpain before the third act. 

speaking of the ladies.... the One Scene Where Women Get To Do Things. my god. the critical feminist part of my mind greatly resented the obvious lip service of that scene, and the fact that the ladies only got the one shining moment before we got back to the sausage fest. but lord, the lesbian part of my mind hella enjoyed it. like i was legit bouncing in my seat like YESSSS FUCK EM UP LADIES i was just completely stoked. 

and my god. MY GOD CAN WE TALK ABOUT CAROL’S HAIRCUT AKA A GIFT TO THE LESBIANS. THIS MOVIE HAS MANY SINS BUT WE CAN ALL THANK IT FOR THAT HAIRCUT. (and again, feminist me is like, hey, dont focus on her appearance, focus on the important shit she did in singlehandedly turning the battle around for everyone, but lesbian lizard brain is hhhhhhhhhhhhh girl hot)

anyways. 2012 me was a month out of a major jaw surgery when i saw the first avengers, puffy faced, on heavy painkillers, and unable to eat any solid foods, and just generally weak and miserable. i dragged myself to the theatre and i smiled the whole way through that movie bc even though i was feeling super shitty, that 360 shot of the team made me so excited and happy. so happy that i watched and rewatched a bootleg download over what was probably the worst summer of my life, and it made me happy and gave me hope, dumb as that may sound. 

i havent watched the first avengers movie in a long time, and i’m not sure if i’d feel the same way seeing it now. remembering how it felt then still makes me happy, but seeing that same 360 shot repeated in endgame didnt stoke much emotion. tumblr fandom took a lot of my avengers joy away. the drama and character hate and constant complaining and cringe culture bullshit exhausted me. and the recent turns of the mcu also contributed to that. a lot of things contributed to it, i guess. but i dont feel as happy as i once did. so a lot of this movie rang a little bit hollow, needless to say. 

that being said, though, i did feel a little flicker of that joy. for all the movie’s and the franchise’s faults, of which there are many, i can say that the moment where all those portals opened up and the revived characters stepped though, i felt that happiness again. i legit almost cried when i saw shuri’s silhouette step out of that circle. that moment when the score came in with that booming version of the avengers theme, i was 2012 me again, just for a moment, and i think that’s worth something. to me, that’s worth something. so for all its sins, i thank the movie for that. 

this is rly rambly and im tired so im just gonna say 2 more things. things i’m not personally super invested in, but other people are, and so i feel i need to have an opinion on em.

first is bucky. i fucking adore him, and i am kinda miffed that he got like, no interactions with steve. i know steve/peggy is the canon ship, i knew it was always endgame (heh) and that stucky is just a fandom thing. but god damn it, even if they were never gonna have their relationship go there (which tbh i literally never even came close to expecting to happen) it still feels a little bit unfair to have steve basically ignore probably the most important person in his life. like, i know he wanted to live his happy straight life with peggy, and passing on the shield and identity of captain america to sam is super important, and i loved that moment and would never begrudge him that bc i adore sam. i was just... really sad that bucky had to get kinda shafted for that. (literally all i was saying in the last half hour was “but where’s bucky? but what about bucky?” our boy deserved better. 

second is tony. tony tony tony. i know folks have a lot of strong feelings about him, both ways. i know of folks who think he’s the scum of the earth for some dumb reason, and i personally know others who think the entire mcu should revolve around him, for equally dumb reasons. i’m more neutral. i think he’s a good character who made questionable decisions in the past. i feel for him and his struggles with PTSD. i respect him as a character in-universe and also for what he and RDJ accomplished. like, if he hadn’t hit it out of the park with that first movie like a fucking decade ago, none of this would have been possible, and i think that’s pretty damn cool, regardless of feelings on the monster juggernaut the mcu has turned into. basically, i know some folks are maliciously rejoicing at his death while complaining that he got a hero’s send-off when he is a Bad And Not Morally Pure Man, which is. boring. and other people (namely one who i know personally in my family) who are mad because he is an Angel and deserved the Best Happy Ending Because No Bad Things Are Allowed To Happen To This Perfect Boy. i’m not here for either opinion. i’m okay that he died (peter crying over him did get to me in a huge way, but i think tom holland just has a power that if he’s crying, i’m crying so idk). i think it’s cool that he got to save everyone and got a heroic and well deserved send off. this isnt a revolutionary opinion i just wanted to throw it out there bc im bored with the polarization. 

and... yeah? i think that’s it? sorry, im really tired and this probs doesn’t make sense but i just felt like i had to get the initial reactions and feelings down before the thinkpieces get to me lmao. 

oh, also nebula deserved better 2kforever i just love her a lot and want her to be happy and not suffer, kthxbye 

[aleatoryalarmalligator]

Life Story - Part 34

The Christmas of 2003. My Uncle Bob and Aunt Marty came from Florida to visit the family. Because of the guests, everyone is in a good mood. And I can't necessarily be out getting bad grades or talking to boys so my father has no animosity towards me for those two weeks. Everyone is more or less in positive Christmas cheer. I really don't remember much of what I got that Christmas, other than I was very happy with it. Perhaps I was living in the endorphin high of thinking back on all the positive exchanges between Zack and I. I was being eaten alive by this good kind of stress that is associated with being in love. It hurts. It's all consuming. You can do painful physical tasks without pain or complaint. Temporarily, everything you do seems to have purpose, but at the same time nothing makes any sense at all. There is nothing you can do with it. It's simply there. And it can actually get in the way of actually living if you let it. I could not wait to go back to school to see him.

The only thing I do remember getting that Christmas, is my father for some strange reason decided to buy me this Guns n' Roses music video DVD. Why he bought me this I don't really know. I told him I didn't like Guns n' Roses. He himself never cared too much for Guns n' Roses either. I think he bought me this completely random unneeded gift because he had spent the last year associating me with my eldest sister Maria, who actually was out doing the drugs and having all the sex at my age. Her young wild years had been during the time of Guns n' Roses. She had the big hair, this sort of snotty almost L.A. Cheesy 80's teenage attitude. When my father bought me the DVD, I was thankful, and I even watched all the silly music videos, mostly I remember watching Axl walking down a dark hot looking sidewalk with his bandanna. Later, my father apologized for having gotten me that DVD. He said he had no idea what had gone through his mind when he was picking out gifts in the store.

I got this 50$ Hastings gift card (RIP), and I was so stoked. Sarah had also received some money and we made plans to go into Lewiston (bigger town 45 miles west) together and go shopping. Lewiston doesn't snow much, but it was dry and cold. There was snow on the surrounding valley hills. I remember walking in to the store and seeing all these possibilities that I hadn't really noticed before. It was probably the first time I ever took a real interest in what Hastings had to offer, at least the book or music sections. Previous to this, the only thing I ever had truly enjoyed about going to Hastings was that back in the 90's, I used to get over dubbed obscure foreign fantasy movies from the 80's and B movies for kids. A lot of movies from Moonbeam entertainment. After searching around for some time, I found the new White Stripes album, Elephant. I also found and purchased the biography of Kurt Cobain's, 'Heavier Than Heaven'. I read it over the course of that winter break, and I felt rather cool about it. Now I for sure knew more than anyone else did about Kurt Cobain.

After that, we went to the Lewiston mall, not a very big or good mall, but we were with Sarah's grandma Tutu, and we had to go to a bunch of old lady oriented stores that sold get well cards and soap and old lady jewelry. As we were walking down the mall absently, when suddenly I saw someone sitting at a bench back turned. It was unmistakable who it was, an all too familiar hunch and an all too familiar flannel, but I couldn't believe it. Zack was sitting there on the bench. I walked passed him, and we stopped and said hi. I didn't want to act as pleased as I was, so I swallowed it up. He was with his sister and some visiting cousins. He looked shocked and happy to see me as well. At some point we sat at the A&W, and he, his sister and his cousins were sitting behind us. He and I began throwing things back and forth. His sister and cousins seemed slightly alarmed. I was magical and fun, and I of course could not help but see this as a huge sign. It really did seem to me like the universe wanted us to meet. I could never explain it, but there were just so many coincidences.

I ended up listening to The White Stripes 'Elephant' over and over again. Up to that point, I had to say, it was my favorite album of all time. My father hated it. He would come into my room and accused Jack White of being a talentless guitarist. He made it out to be some aggressive juvinile noise album with no melody. He made out The White Stripes like they were a hardcore punk group, or like Black Flag or something. Later on, after he read reviews, he suddenly became highly interested in Jack White, particularly after the documentary, It Might Get Loud. It was kind of unfair, but it happens from time to time. Particular with front men and guitarists. They become icons for older middle class white dudes who want to start being musicians and think of themselves as 'bluesy'. They always end up spending a bunch of money on P.A equipment and specialty guitars and such.

Most of the time they don't really progress too much as guitarists. For them, it's more about what they can buy than it is what they can do. They always latch on to either Eric Clapton, Jimi Hendrix, a number of various blues musicians, and most importantly, The Who. You can find these men in almost every guitar shop across the USA. They are generally dentists or real estate agents. Some of them are retired. They are bored. Their wives pretend to get into it as well, but actually they only like a few of the love songs and otherwise don't care. This sounds as though I am demonizing this, and it's really not the worst thing someone can do. There is nothing really wrong with it, only older middle class white people (if someone tries to tell me I am being racist against whites I am going to laugh) are the most universally typical group of people. If you don't believe me, you have never worked in the service industry. I really don't want to come off like I am discouraging artistic endeavors either. But it's funny to me because it's so universally the same. All these men are identical in my perspective.

Anyway, I mention these sorts of fellows because I feel like this crowd of people kind of took Jack White and claimed him as their own. And yeah, I know these sorts of people are not terrible, deep deep down they as individuals they are intricate human beings with their own unique qualities, our economy depends on their bored mindless spending habits. But they ruin everything. They just do. When they get into music, they take on music like it's an Olympic event. They think the fastest musicians are the best, or the oldest. They are looking for some kind of authenticity that they lost five years into their practicing medicine or whatever. They try to be seen at the right concerts. They are shameless posers. They brag about what they own. They have to essentially be told what to like. When The White Stripes were wholly a thing unto themselves and appealed to minimalism, childhood nostalgia, and abstract perspective they really just took the Jack White is an acclaimed guitarist with blues influence. Meg was a minimalist drummer, and these guys are all vaguely sexist and skeptical if they should like female musicians so she gets ignored.

My father later in time kind of became one of these older people who want to be cool in time, and he took Jack White and made it seem really uncool. He went from complaining about The White Stripes like they were an example of what's wrong with young folk these days to using it as a prop to seem edgy himself. And of course, he never really listened to it. But he would brag to other people like he did.

I have digressed, and should get back to what I was saying. As I go along in my life story, I am probably going to here and there explain my take on slightly off subjects simply because as I got older I formed more personal opinions about the world. It shapes the story to a degree.

There was a slumber party at Ava's that winter break. We invited Teal, whom I still didn't really trust. She was Ava's friend, not mine. And as I have stated before, she shoved me hard in 6th grade, and there was something really revealing about that shove. I didn't think she was a nice person. Basically, all of us sat around (I mostly just listened), and Teal and Samantha talked about their sex lives. Teal had slept with her babysitter, which I thought was kind of disturbing and weird. Her mom had trusted this high school guy to watch Teal as a junior high school student, and this insignificant dopy foolish creep had covered Teal's naked body with whipped cream and licked it off. I remember this story very vividly. This guy was super dull. I felt like Teal liked him on the grounds that he was older than her. And I just could not imagine letting his greasy boring face near me. Of course, that is just me.

At some point in the night, my friends all put on this Andrew WK song and started dancing. I liked Andrew WK, but dancing seemed weird to me. I was starting to notice group psychology a little more. Sarah and Samantha didn't want to do it, but they felt they had to. Teal and Ava were genuinely into it, and everyone was trying to impress Teal. I decided I didn't want to dance. They ended up putting on some boy band music on and I told them with honesty that I didn't want to dance. I told them I didn't like the songs. I wasn't like rude about it, and I wasn't trying to judge them. I just felt like it was 50% phony. Sarah later admitted that it was, and she was confused as to why she danced. And maybe to a certain extent, Zack labeling me as the 'anticonformist' was beginning to get to my head just a little. I was beginning to live up to the hype.

My Uncle Bob had bought us kids the movie 'Spirited Away' for Christmas. It was really good and I ended up watching it frequently. But then Ava came over, and she became this whole other level of obsessed with that movie. She ended up coming to my house off and on from winter break to Februrary just to watch Spirited Away. She talked about how she was the main character Chio, and how Tyeson was the character Haku – none of which makes any sense at all – particularly Tyeson who was mostly stoned at all times and had little ambition or personality to speak of. And I didn't want to address it, but Ava reminded me of Noface when he was manically creating gold more than anyone in the movie. When she went to sleep I had to tip toe over her and turn the television off, and eventually I got tired of watching this movie over and over again with her, but would do it anyway to be nice.

Eventually Christmas break ended, and we were back in school. My uncle and aunt went home. Ava was acting spongtaneous and crazy. She seemed desperate and moody. She had hoped that Tyeson would come back for the second semester, but he never really did. She was in despair. Sarah had just bought herself a lot of Him and CKY merchandise, but other than that, we were all back in the frying pan.

I mentioned Billy Arnett a while ago. He was the guy that I often saw in detention, whom all the girls thought was super hot. By age 18, he had slept with well over 50 girls, not just in our town, but in neighboring ones as well. I really didn't like him because he was starting to take advantage of girls who were way too young for him, and the only thing that stopped me from being outwardly against him as a person was the sad fact that Zack and him were buddies. But a few of the more popular girls in my class were obsessed with him. I guess these two girls who were already enemies both wanted to fuck him, and try to be the girl that could tame the bad boy, as if that were something anyone could ever do. Billy of course didn't care, so long as he was getting laid. He thought these fights were hilarious and he didn't take any of these young girls seriously. There was some kind of cold-war style mutually assured destruction realization between these two girls, Erica and Amanda. One little move would make the whole thing blow up.

Ava, having watched this whole fight go down from afar, decided to see what would happen if she wrote in black sharpie “Erica is a fucking slut who fucked Billy Arnett” in the bathroom stalls. This ended up causing Erica to think that Amanda wrote it. Amanda of course was innocent, but Erica decided to confront her on it, and this all escalated into a fist fight of scratching and punching and physically attacking one another in the girl's locker rooms. All for the love of stupid Billy who didn't even bother to brush his teeth. Meanwhile, Ava and I sat on the bench out in the gym – though we didn't actually see the fight, we watched them both have to be physically separated. It was 100%. I know that sounds bad – it really isn't in keeping with my feminist values, but both of these girls were stuck up, and pretentiously full of themselves and after being in their class for the last eight and a half years, it felt fun to watch this happen. And I hadn't done it personally. It was all Ava. Besides, the two of them ended up becoming friends because of the incident, so I don't feel too badly.

I ended up doing something similarly a few months later. I wrote YOU WILL DIE SOON 666!!! on a sheet of paper, opened up someone's locker – I didn't know who's, and put it in. It ended up going to this ultra sweet girl named Britney. She was one of the few people who was both popular, and truly a wonderful kind human being. She was always nice to everyone equally and didn't judge other people at all. When she opened her locker and saw what was written, she became frightened that someone was after her. And everyone was baffled. Who would ever want to come after Britney? I felt really guilty. I would say sorry today, but that wasn't how I responded then. I just shut my mouth and looked down at my desk as everyone spoke about it for the rest of the year.

I ended up getting kicked out of math class. My math teacher was named Mrs. Rush. She lost it. As is to be expected, it was the first year of alebra, and I was so confused by this part of the years as to what was being taught. I felt like the things you learned one day were contradicted by the lesson of the next, and I could not follow it. I have always needed more time with math. I can't digest a lesson that quickly. There was this rush, and for whatever reason, I simply could not follow even if I had the right attitude. They might has well have been speaking Latin for the entire hour of math. I didn't do my homework ever anymore. I used to stress about it, but now I didn't see the need to stress if the outcome would be the same regardless if I stressed out or if I didn't. Which teachers hate this attitude. I tried in the beginning, and then I simply stopped. I would instead look out the window and brush my hair with my fingers and think about Zack, and song lyrics and daydream about the future. It was on such a day that Mrs. Rush asked me a question abruptly in class. I didn't even know what she had said, let alone the answer. I had been very deep in thought, a strand of my long curly brown hair was in my hands. She flew into a rage. She called me a lazy worthless human being and she demanded I follow her to the office, she was screaming at me the whole time, I don't remember what. She told me I was never allowed in her classroom again.

I was taken into the office, and she yelled at the office woman, and the counselor telling them I was absolutely under no circumstances allowed to be in her classroom ever again. I was a little besides myself, but a little proud in a way. Zack had also been kicked out of math class after all, and now was taking a really dumbed down math class called practical math. I was hoping they would put me in there instead with him. The office women didn't know what to do with me. They had me sit in a chair. The next day I came to the office at that time and asked them what I should do instead of math, and they told me that I had no choice but to go to math class anyway. So I sheepishly went back to Mrs. Rush's class. She glared at me, but said nothing. Perhaps the principal had shot down her ambitions to have me sent somewhere else.

And to be fair to her, I was a miserable student. I really was. I think she was a small minded judgmental woman, but she was passionate about mathematics. More than anyone else I have ever met. I really don't understand that passion fully, but I have to respect it for what it is. She knew a great deal more about things I have never had the discipline to sit down and learn. I do imagine it was hard to have someone like me in her class, essentially disrespecting everything she was passionate about and undermining her determination to teach. And it had to seem dumb, me twirling my hair with hearts for eyes looking out the window all lobotomized by petty teenage fantasies of romance and rebellion against 'the system'. The again, she was getting paid. And she never did anything when she saw I had been beaten by my dad. Cognitive dissonance kicked in and she decided that I deserved it, whatever it was that had happened.

And she got her revenge. Three months later, nearing the end of the school year she had worn this very boring tan pant suit type outfit, and one of the girls in my class complimented her attire. She gushed and started talking about how it looked good on her because she had a certain body type. I wasn't really paying attention to this conversation because it was boring to me, but she then had started to talk about how some women don't look good in pantsuits and should never ever wear them. She then told me to stand up. I didn't really register that this was connected in any way to her conversation, and thought it had to be something more straight forward. I stood up confused. She then started pointing out what was wrong with my body piece by piece, and why I could never wear a whole bunch of different kinds of outfits that she could wear. I realized eventually that she was standing me up in front of the class to essentially point out that I was chunky. She didn't say I was fat, but that was essentially what she was getting at. I sat down, more baffled than anything. It was extremely unprofessional and inappropriate. Good student or no.

Mrs. Rush ended up dying of lung cancer three years later. She smoked like a chimney and it eventually got to her. The town had a huge fund raising thing, and they raised the 120,000$ needed for this operation that had a chance of saving her life, but then she died a week later, and the money went to another person. I was sad about it. She wasn't a bad woman, and despite our problems she didn't deserve death. My father laughed and called it karma – having heard eventually some of the things she said and did. It is one of the many things I don't really like about him, that kind of dumb reactionary bullshit. I knew she also had a very good side. Her husband was a very friendly and warm person, and you could tell they were very much in love. And at one point the next year she had been teaching a class that Sarah was in, and she had a very strange younger girl in her class that was easy to bully, that she kind of assisted the other students at picking on in the class room. Sarah actually went up to her desk after class and told her that she was tired of the bullying and felt that Mrs. Rush herself was provoking it. Mrs. Rush actually listened to what Sarah had to say, and seemed genuinely concerned, having not even realized her own behavior. It isn't actually an excuse, but there is something to be said for a person who is willing to take criticism and learn from their mistakes.

One day in mid January – I actually think it was January 17th, the day was the day to end all days and that date is forever carved into the aged tree trunk of my memory chamber. Zack had taken me aside after FFA, the sky overcast and grey, the outside air brisk, and other than the river the world was very silent, and he had told me that he thought I was a very special person. He looked me in the eyes and said 'You are a very special person Renee'. He took me aside and told me he really really did love me. I was dear to him. And I didn't react, I don't think I could. I was shaking and in shock. And I had to get to my next class.

I honestly would react so differently now, that it hard for me to put myself in the shoes of someone who simply wouldn't react to this. This would not be a situation that would come up now, but if something like this happened to the person I am now, I would have suggested we skip the rest of class and talk by the river. And I would have figured it out that day. Either he loves me and we should date, or he doesn't love me like that and we don't. I now have this internal person who would know how to naturally be in those shoes. But then, I feel like a part of me that should have been there was a blank slate. Maybe I really had no self esteem, or it had been wiped away by my upbringing, a sort of confience that most everyone has that I don't. Or maybe I am naturally someone with a lot of voids in my personality. I think all three are the case.

I was an empty glass. I hadn't been told I was loved in years. I hadn't felt loved for years. I had become so accustomed to being the bottomfeeder that it didn't even hurt anymore. It was hard for me to accept that someone could love me. Each time he stated it, a part of me felt like it was internally being made whole again by an act of magic. Like I was being put back together better than I had been before. I was getting very close to being emotionally able to react, the glass was close to being full, but it was taking me some time still.

I also had no experience with boys really to speak of, outside of throwing things at them and saying flirtation comebacks. If he tried to kiss me and I totally messed up, which would be likely, then what then? And maybe I lacked the courage to reach out. It's hard to be vulnerable, and I had a lot to lose. A lot of my self esteem rode entirely on his daily encouragement. He really was the only thing in the world I cared about. If I did reach back, what if he realized it had been a mistake all along, and I might lose the one thing in life I cared about. I could not afford to lose him for good.

I tried to tell my friends about it. But they didn't really get it. They took it as a typical reporting, even though the situation was a little different than the others. Like, it was practically a confession. After lunch, we were indoors in the gym watching various sport games being played on the gym floor by oblivious students a million light years away from my emotional state. Zack came up to me, and he sat right next to me. He was acting very strangely, and I didn't know what he was doing. He scooted up so close to me he was practically sitting on me, and he grabbed my head. And he began singing 'Creep' by Radiohead in my ear. It was really kind of sporadic and crazy, and hard to explain. It was awkward and atypical, but that had never been anything to stop Zack. I just sort of melted. My friends all looked baffled. I tried to resist him at first, but then just gave in and let go of my ego entirely. He really was kind of off key a bit in his singing, but it didn't matter either. Eventually I just closed my eyes.

Probably for the first time since some doctor had pulled me of my mom's stomach, I felt at peace. I have ASMR so it had a strong affect on me. It's the kind of peace I fully expect at death. I leaned on him and just stopped even worrying about anything. I could have died right then, and the peace I felt would have made it worth it. He finished singing and I was dazed. I couldn't even tell where I was anymore. The whole world around me looked like a new place. The colors had changed and everything. Everything was new again. I was a new person. I was just about to tell him I loved him back. This was it, and I was mustering the right way to say it. I heard him distantly in the outside world of my thoughts saying to Ava that he could tell that I really did love him – as I am sure I was at this point concealing absolutely nothing. And I was about to tell him how I felt and everything at that moment, but then the bell rang and he walked away. I felt like putty and I was unable to reach him. I decided I would tell him how I felt the next day.

But the next day he didn't come to school. Or the next day, or the next. He was gone. My stomach felt sick. Where was he? Why was he gone? Did this have something to do with me? During this time, Ava acted very annoyed with me. Everyone was slightly annoyed with me, I was pining pathetically, barely able to make it through my day without him. Nothing else in the world was real to me. Was it over before it even began? He was gone for two and a half weeks, and there was never a clear definition other than his father came into the office stating that Zack was sick on day three of his absence. How could this happen?

It was around this time that everyone in my class was signing up for driver's ed. It was something I needed to go to, but the idea of driving seemed daunting and unrealistic to me at the time. I didn't really care if I went or not. Nobody really asked me about it either. I ignored all the papers that got passed around, or the office lady talking over the intercom that it was our last day to sign up. It just didn't seem real to me at all. It was all part of that fake world out there that demanded I know things and do things. All that was real was Zack's blue eyes. And he was somehow gone. Because of my drunken haze, and my unclear judgment, I never ended up signing up for driver ed. And I didn't end up learning to drive that year. Or the next, or the next, or the next. And to this day, this is why I don't have a license and can't really drive. Sure, I can turn on a car. I have even driven rural roads of Idaho, which is fairly easy. But other than that, I don't really know. All because Zack sang Creep by Radiohead to me in my ear and I lost my mind.

PART 33 - http://tinyurl.com/y87449dz

PART 32 - http://tinyurl.com/ycetanep

PART 31 - http://tinyurl.com/yae3o4rd

PART 30 - http://tinyurl.com/ybht9aul

PART 29 - http://tinyurl.com/ybfcr9j2

PART 28 - http://tinyurl.com/yagdlo47

PART 27 - http://tinyurl.com/ydcj5fgf

PART 26 - http://tinyurl.com/y73nvl73

PART 25 -  http://tinyurl.com/y6v6pgoj

PART 24 - http://tinyurl.com/ycak5d8r

PART 23 - http://tinyurl.com/yac6sk3g

PART 22 -  http://tinyurl.com/yat6cfnw

PART 21 -  http://tinyurl.com/y783egno

PART 20 - http://tinyurl.com/y8jskymt

PART 19 - http://tinyurl.com/rfhbms8

PART 18 - http://tinyurl.com/ycrznrwk

PART 17 - http://tinyurl.com/y77unlng

PART 16 - http://tinyurl.com/yadpsv8c

PART 15 - http://tinyurl.com/yb3lt6k5

PART 14 - http://tinyurl.com/yb4cfedq

PART 13 - http://tinyurl.com/yalanq9s

PART 12 - http://tinyurl.com/yc79mw94

PART 11 - http://tinyurl.com/yc9qhj84

PART 10 - http://tinyurl.com/yb734w24

PART 9 - http://tinyurl.com/yc2t6vfw  

PART 8 - http://tinyurl.com/ybl37utq

PART 7 - http://tinyurl.com/ybvo283g

PART 6 - http://tinyurl.com/kbc9dwu

PART 5 - http://tinyurl.com/msnz4am

PART 4 - http://tinyurl.com/k9x8esg

PART 3 - http://tinyurl.com/mwp9atx

PART 2 - http://tinyurl.com/lbt6xq2

PART 1 - http://tinyurl.com/l8xbvg8

[emoblackwidow]

Beach house weekend Ch 5

OOooooookay folks I’m back and ready to rumble. Here is part 5 of BHW, long awaited. I’ve tagged the people who requested MONTHS ago, so let me know if you no longer wish to be tagged.

I realize it’s been forever since I updated...so below are the previous parts for you to catch up on. 

Part one Part two Part three Part four

Mere hours later, you awoke to a rough hand shaking you awake. Immediately on guard, you punched the spot next to your bed, hitting nothing but air.

You opened your eyes to see Bucky standing flat against the wall, looking a little scared. Once he noticed that you were conscious and not about to hit him, he scooted closer.

“(Y/N), I’m exhausted and Sam already took the upper bunk. Can I sleep with you? I promise I’ll behave.”

“James? What time is it?” You asked, barely opening your eyes?

“About 3:45am. Come onnn, scooch over.”

He gave you his best puppy dog eyes and you obliged.

Bucky didn’t hesitate, sliding under the covers but still maintaining his distance from you, clearly keeping his promise to behave.

You turned away from him and fell back asleep.

You awoke the next morning in a daze, and you had never been so warm. You moved to throw off the covers and then realized that the covers weren’t wrapped around you. A huge super soldier was. 

You nudged him with your elbow, unable to get him off by yourself.

“James. Hey! Buck, wake up!”

He stirred, only pulling you in closer. Your head was resting on his chest while his arms were wrapped around you. 

A head popped into your vision, it was Sam and he was still on the top bunk, leaning over.

“Well, well, well. What do we have here? Enemies turned lovers? What a classic love story trope.” Sam was laughing, which finally woke Bucky.

He released you quickly and threw his pillow at Sam, causing him to fall off the bed and land on the floor with a loud thump.

Bucky reached behind him and scratched the back of his neck. “Morning (Y/N), sorry about that. I didn’t mean to-”

“It’s okay, James,” he had already caused a deep blush to form on your cheeks. “I actually slept really good.”

He nodded, looking a little flushed himself. “Yeah, me too.”

Sam snickered, still on the floor. You got up out of bed, and walked over to your duffel bag, not missing an opportunity to land a kick to Sam’s ribs.

Sam got up and left the room, grumbling about how unfair life was.

After rummaging around for a while, you still couldn’t find your sundress. Bucky cleared his throat, getting your attention.

“(Y/N), um, thanks for letting me crash in your bed. You didn’t have to do that, you know.” 

You two made eye contact, and you could see how genuine he was. It was sweet, really. Maybe Bucky wasn’t so bad after all.

“You know, James, we never did get to finish the game of 20 questions. What were you going to ask me?”

“Oh, uh, I was wondering if you liked... well, if you wanted..” You tilted your head inquisitively and moved to sit on the bed beside him. He continued, “I was actually wondering what your favorite color is.” Bucky looked nervous and a little pale, but you were pretty sure you saw through his facade.

You leaned in a little closer, resting one hand on Bucky’s knee. He noticeably relaxed when your lips finally touched his, running his fingers through your hair before settling them on your hips, gently stroking his fingers across your skin, leaving goosebumps in his wake.

Abruptly he pulled away and rubbed his face. “(Y/N), I don’t think this is a good idea.” You froze, feeling your heart shatter. 

“What?”

“This, you and me, it shouldn’t happen.” He got up and left without saying another word.

@pietrosprincess @matttheradartech-noimnotkylowtf @crownie-sr @anitavalija @buckymorelikefuckmebarnes @black-eyed-bucky​ @waituntilthedustsettles 

[violent-optimism]

The Hobbit: An Unexpected Journey (Revisit)

Long post below!

Hey everyone!

Because this semester is starting to really take a toll on me and I need some good escapism, I figured it would be a great time to revisit Peter Jackson’s “The Hobbit” trilogy (2012-2014).

Now, some of you might not know this, but when I first joined Tumblr I was SUPER into these movies since they were just coming out around that time. It was probably one of the first (if not the first) things I ever blogged about, which feels like forever ago!

I’m not going to pretend that everyone is crazy about these movies. I recognize they have issues. I recognize that not everyone enjoyed them. But as per usual these reviews are going to contain MY personal opinion and mine alone. I actually think that, for the most part, these films hit the mark pretty well, are pleasantly entertaining and have great re-watch value much like their LOTR counterparts.

I think enough time has passed since the trilogy’s release that we can talk about these movies more objectively and with more critical thinking, which is exactly what I intend to do!

Let’s start appropriately with the first film in the trilogy: “An Unexpected Journey” which came out in 2012, just a little more than 7 years ago.

So the main question that I want to answer with this film (and the other films in the trilogy) is this: Does the film still hold up today? Why or why not?

First things first, let’s look at what “An Unexpected Journey” does not do well. These are things that could have definitely been improved upon or should have been omitted altogether.

One major gripe I hear about a lot with this film is the pacing. Unlike some of the other complaints, I have to completely agree with this one. While I will do my best to not compare this trilogy to its LOTR predecessor (because I don’t see how that helps my review and it’s also downright unfair), I will say that for all the lengthy run-times that Frodo’s journey gave us, the pacing always felt consistent and smooth. Yes, the movies would go on for a long time, but the sequencing of scenes and fast paced movement at least gave the illusion that the story was moving along at a decent rate.

With “An Unexpected Journey”, this is unfortunately not the case. For a story that is built around the thrill of an exciting adventure, the film pauses at many moments to explain backstory, give exposition and slow the pace down in many other ways. With this being the case, the film feels very “stop and go” with fast and slow scenes spliced together which ultimately ruins the pace of the story, especially in the first half. For example, the White Council scene is fascinating and gives us a rare look at seeing the most powerful figures of Middle Earth in one scene together; however it’s ultimately nothing but exposition and does not drive the adventure forward whatsoever. Thorin’s Company leaving Gandalf behind could be a metaphor for how desperately the film needed to move along at this point.  

Luckily, the last half of this movie (Overhill and Underhill onward) is rescued from this sluggish pace and actually manages to pick up quite a bit in the last act. It is also fortunate that this pacing demon does not chase after the other subsequent films and seems to only terrorize the first hour and a half of “An Unexpected Journey”.

What else doesn’t work in this film? Well…the humour is a bit strange for one thing. Despite having a PG-13 rating, the film can’t seem to decide whether or not it wants to make little kids laugh or older adults. There’s gross-out humour, toilet humour (there are Dwarves and Trolls after all) and there is even a ball joke. That’s right, a BALL joke in a film adapted from Professor Tolkien’s work (who I’m sure is rolling in his grave right about now). To be fair the ball joke is actually kind of funny, but that’s neither here nor there. I might have found most of the jokes in this film funny when I first saw it, but now I can only chuckle at a few things, one of them being the many hilarious facial expressions that Martin Freeman makes in almost every scene he’s in. The film does have some decent jokes, but for the most part they’re only the kind that 3 year olds or people with a gross sense of humour would genuinely laugh at.

Slow pacing and toilet humour aside, the film is actually quite successful in many other areas. Finally we get to the good stuff, the more positive stuff. Here is what “An Unexpected Journey” excels in.

Two words right out the gate: Martin F*cking Freeman (okay that’s three but you know he would approve of the swear word). Even after all this time, even after watching his performance again and again, I am still so amazed at how effortlessly and inexplicably Martin Freeman transforms into Bilbo Baggins. I wish I could explain this any better but he truly becomes the character of Bilbo. His body language, his mannerisms, the way he delivers certain lines, the authentic stutters and stammers, his FACIAL EXPRESSIONS. I could go on and on, and I am clearly a bit biased, but I think you would be very challenged to find anyone who has a problem with his acting. The casting for both LOTR and The Hobbit are completely perfect, but I think the team really deserves a pat on the back for getting the protagonist so freakin’ RIGHT; especially when you look at who they were also considering for the part *shudder*.

Speaking of other actors, I also believe that every single Dwarf was cast perfectly. Richard Armitage is absolutely fantastic as Thorin Oakenshield and contrasts beautifully with Freeman’s less rugged character. His best acting is yet to come but he still stands out quite a lot in this first installment. I’m pretty sure this is the role that put him on the map and rightfully so.

I’m not going to review every Dwarf actor performance (this review is already long enough!) but I will say that in a nutshell, they all play their role exactly as you would imagine. With 13 characters you can’t expect the character development to be all there, but Jackson and co do somehow manage to show every Dwarf’s unique personality in some small way, which I think is really amazing and could not have been an easy task.

Other aspects that might seem “lesser” such as make-up, costumes, production design and so forth are done extremely well in this movie. I will be forever bitter that “Les Mis” won the Oscar for best hair and make-up back in 2013 and “An Unexpected Journey” did not, when it was abundantly clear which film was more deserving of the award. I digress, this film looks amazing. Every actor, creature, set and animated pixel looks exactly the way it should. From Gollum’s eyes to Bilbo’s detailed buttons, the film shines from an aesthetic and visual perspective. It would also be a major disservice to write this review without mentioning the brilliant and soul-touching soundtrack composed once again by Howard Shore, a true genius of his craft. The “Misty Mountains” theme is unique to this film and serves very well as an ode to the adventure.

What I believe to be the most compelling and heartwarming aspect of this film is the relationship that develops between Bilbo and Thorin. It is the best story gem of the movie if not the entire trilogy as a whole. While at first disapproving and avoidant of the Hobbit, Thorin comes to accept and even care for Bilbo after having his life saved by the unlikely hero. The scene where he tells Bilbo he was wrong about him and gives him a heartfelt hug never fails to bring a tear to my eye.

Well folks, what more can I say? It’s certainly not a perfect film; indeed it has flaws that can make the viewing a little more than uncomfortable. On the other hand, I really do believe there are several things “An Unexpected Journey” gets very right. While the slow pace and odd humour is hard to ignore, it is equally hard not to fall in love with the film’s acting, visuals and a story full of heart.

I must say I am very glad that I revisited this film. It has always been my least favourite of the trilogy although now it seems like an unfair title to bestow. It is a charming tale and an inoffensive film. These days, that is a welcome find.

Upon revisiting this film, I am going to give “An Unexpected Journey” 7.5 out of 10.

[101tarnations-blog]

The Workplace Worries of an Abuse Survivor

odškodnění pozůstalých Shortly soon after a new worker started out at a regional insurance policies company, the veteran staff members agreed that he was "really good" and "would go out of his way for you." They realized nothing at all about what enthusiastic these behaviors in his office nor the simple fact that he subconsciously considered it as his home-of-origin. The floor ground serves as the foundation upon which all other individuals in a constructing rest. So, too, does a person's upbringing-except that it turns into the foundation on which his life rests. If it has entailed abuse, dysfunction, or even alcoholism, it is weak and can easily crumble, often demanding a human being to compensate for it with inflated and often just about scripted behavioral traits other individuals are unsuccessful to recognize. He sees the earth the way no other folks do. This foundation often calls for a individual to camouflage his deficiencies by portraying an picture reverse to that which he feels or believes about himself. He may well, for case in point, be perceived as currently being outwardly friendly and easily getting together with other people, but inwardly he churns with fear and insecurity, partaking in silent conflicts with some others as he chews on the factors they do that retrigger his personal untolerated ones. Insecurity, dread of problems, an incapacity to carry out the features for which he believes he is incapable, and inner employee conflicts may well spark frequent and spontaneous occupation resignations. Conversely, this continuous want to mask these insecure features can rework a human being into the super-employee, as he functions out his childhood need to have to obey and comply with every rule and consequently confirm his capability and self-worth by volunteering for assignments other folks avoid, overworking and -reaching, people- and boss-pleasing, functioning overtime with or without having further compensation, assuming enhanced tasks, and even having perform home, in the procedure becoming the quintessential "organization man" with no other individuals at any time comprehension his motivations. Ironically, this efficiency and loyalty may possibly lead to at any time-larger positions for which he is not emotionally equipped, causing him to compensate for and include up the ever more terrified emotions with even increased determination and hard work. In their serious, these endeavors can replace his nonexistent persona until it gets his temperament, as he is reworked from a human getting to a human carrying out. Most of his misbeliefs about his inadequacies consequence from his frequently replayed crucial guardian voices, which echo the genuine, but rarely content reception of his achievements during his upbringing. Like a personal computer, his brain can only return what has been downloaded into it. Lengthy striped of boundaries at home, he is very easily utilized and exploited by coworkers and supervisors alike. As a victim cultivated by his upbringing, he can be taken advantage of and understands no other implies of survival. If his steps and responses could be voiced, they would likely say, "I am a lot less than you, not worthy, and flawed. So do what at any time you would like and use me nonetheless you see fit. I am going to by no means protest or complain. This is what I am used to." But, unless he has started recovery or remedy, he is ironically unlikely to be in touch with this voice or even fully grasp why he submits himself to this sort of utilizing ailments. Apart from the reality that he has been so cultivated, he subconsciously views these men and women as present-time representatives of earlier-time mothers and fathers who were being never ever satisfied with what he did. The additional, in fact, that he submits to these behavior, the less worthy he feels, only supporting his misbelief. Equivalent office incidents unknowingly regress him to his childhood when he was powerless and his mother and father were perceived as flawless and incapable of error, developing the fundamental misbelief that any mistreatment of him was due to his personal shortcomings and not their individual. To compensate for this dysfunctional and most most likely abusive upbringing, he adopted nearly scripted roles, which he might subconsciously keep on to act out in his work venue, as the only considered techniques of survival. The 1st of these is "hero," whose origin and function are most likely the most challenging to decipher, because he becomes the "perfect particular person," carrying out in accordance to the manual-prescribed restrictions. Without a doubt, he may well depict the common by which other folks can only aspire. He is independent, desires no one particular, is generally the one particular other individuals seek advice from regarding procedures, overachieves, and is flawlessly reliable and responsible, therefore masking the inferior and insecure emotions that encourage him. Due to the fact the current to his feelings is tiny additional than a trickle, he turns on the juice to the effective side of him as if it have been a gushing fire hose, unsuccessfully attempting to swap one with the other. Skating on slender ice, he makes an attempt to do every thing in a great method till his pursuits grow to be the equal of his self-well worth. But any mistake may possibly shatter this fleeting feeling. This get the job done immersion, moreover, may be the totality of his lifestyle. When others may well complete within organization specified parameters to earn their paychecks, for illustration, they most probable also have family members and other functions to whom and to which they return in the evening. The hero may well not. Riddled with childhood-originating resentment, the "scapegoat"-the 2nd part-was developed by the person who was continuously pressured to accept the blame and stress his dad and mom or even other siblings would not, therefore persuading him to take accountability for the problems or infractions of other people now. So acclimated is he to carrying the body weight of them, in truth, that he might subconsciously produce the circumstantial catalysts which impose the burdens on him, enabling him to act out his plenty of comparable childhood episodes and then lament about their unfairness and injustice. While the scapegoat passively plots his childhood reenactments, the "missing baby"-the third role-silently slinks from them, as he experienced for the duration of his developmental many years, now barely current. Perceived as an unnamed, persona-devoid silhouette--whose kind, at periods, may look tiny a lot more than the shadow it displays on the wall and just as dimensionless--his identification may be decreased to small far more than, "What's his title?" Sadly, he is regarded by his absence or recognition. His nonexistent existence frequently demonstrates how he feels about himself inside. "Snicker, clown, snicker" can be utilised to describe the fourth part, the "comic" or "clown," but, in each circumstances, that laughter is most most likely the veil that camouflages the person's inside sadness. Tapping into his spontaneous capability to uncover humor in most situations and entertain his coworkers, the kid-turned-adult comedian turns lemons into lemonade for other folks, reworking individual inside unhappiness into external joy for them, enabling him, in the method, to attain a perceived degree of basic safety by weaving a world-wide-web of acceptance around him. These four roles, all adopted as protection mechanisms from childhood danger, evolve into a life time of survival characteristics aimed at self-safety, considering that the man or woman when once more subconsciously sights the earth as an extension of the 1 recognized in his house-or-origin, forcing him to pave a route with the approaches that proved safe and sound for him. Therein lies the good reasons driving an abuse survivor's habits in adulthood and the anxieties he provides to the office-his nearly programmed, but unchallenged belief that the adult world is a transplant of his childhood 1, leaving him fearful and hypervigilant of guardian-resembling and -retriggering authority figures. In spite of his ostensibly bonding characteristics and activities, this sort of as his sense of humor, socializing at lunch, and keeping the very same or comparable-amount titles as his coworkers, he continually feels as if he is not element of them, as if he ended up on the exterior looking in, because physical presence does not essentially ameliorate or change psychological absence and isolation. A particular person can, in truth, be in a area with a dozen or more other people and nevertheless come to feel by yourself, considering that his distrust of them renders it tricky to join with them on a social and hence soul degree. In fact, sensing a person's distance and psychological disconnection, other individuals may exclude him from after-get the job done or weekend social engagements, as if he silently conveys his lack of motivation to join them, but this can ironically depart him damage and additional solidify his misbelief that he is not worthy of their friendship. Accrued, but unresolved childhood infractions, abuses, and traumas can retrigger and rekindle at employment venues, as persons and incidents replay in the person's head, progressively "getting rid of" him from the present and immersing him in his past, his mirror neuron-saved tapes making an attempt to convince him that the environment and people in it are not secure and by some means harmful to him. So powerful can these negative thoughts and fears grow to be, in fact, that they might in the end manage him until finally he both releases them by implies of spontaneous anger outbursts or resigns. This, in essence, is an expression of the common adult-youngster dichotomy, as the previous desires to be aspect of the planet, operating as a experienced individual, doing work, and earning income, although the latter, mired in the internally fleeing inner kid, seeks protection without problem for the financial indicates to guidance him. Both are determined by the require to endure, but on diverse amounts and from age divergent views. Because of frequently replaying traumas in an abusive survivor's head, he can neither request for enable nor defend his steps, and is generally subconsciously reduced to the powerless and overwhelmed child that spawned his preliminary debilitation. Nothing is more terrorizing than a personalized confrontation with an additional, due to the fact it transports him back to the numerous-and, most very likely, dangerous-kinds he already endured. Through that powerlessness, furthermore, he was under no circumstances perceived as acquiring been on the proper or triumphing side. Paradoxically, when these a human being is appointed to positions of handle and superiority as an grownup, it offers a diploma of basic safety for him, given that it elevates him to the remarkable or profitable part as soon as represented by his abuser. As a substitute of being belittled and overpowered as a kid, he now feels that he can exert these outcomes on some others, and thus feels much better and safer. In actuality, this kind of particular person, to higher or lesser diploma, can be classified as the usually-labeled "management freak," because he grew up in a chaotic natural environment the place absence of regulate led to his detriment and he now strives to regain it with these kinds of a position at his occupation. In essence, he employs the identical misdirected approach his abusive mother and father did at his place of work. Conversely, when he does not presume such a role, and is consequently psychologically regressed to the interior child stance, he is decreased to using no matter what will come his way, no matter if it be more functions, responsibilities, or responsibilities that are not necessarily paired with elevated payment, due to the fact he feels way too unworthy to refuse them. Ironically, they might signify an intangible "profit," which most very likely only exists for him-namely, proportionately assuming additional of a workload transforms him into a person who is favored, who is viewed as an ally, increasing his degree of basic safety. This conclusion is far more rational than it could 1st seem to be, due to the fact abused little ones imagine that they are seen additional as enemies than "close friends" to their mother and father-that is, people who somehow get in the way, are burdensome, and not essentially needed. Propelled by these unaccepting main caregivers down a route toward perfection in his jobs-all in an endeavor to compensate for his "imperfections" and elusively obtain that rarely presented adore--he might translate this dynamic to the office, completing work opportunities, features, and stories in a specific and complete method, and then anticipating, but failing to observe, equivalent functionality in his coworkers. Finally adopting the same intolerance for their shortcomings as his mothers and fathers did for his, he only re-sparks the cycle in his possess daily life, if he has not previously carried out so with his personal kids at home. This scenario might evolve till it creates the workaholic, or the individual who replaces his self-well worth with accomplishment- and financial-worthy of. As an abyss devoid of positive thoughts, he finds it tough to extract pleasure from friendships and interactions, and his immersion into perform enables him to avoid examining his unexpressed hurts. His operate environment may be more of an extension of his property surroundings than imagined, as the task hopper, frequently in search of new employment venues for the ostensible cause of landing "that great career," may subconsciously be in lookup of "that best property"-or the one he under no circumstances had, offered that he can have confidence in the "relatives member" personnel residing in it.