#and it's really fucking hot & humid
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Hello :))) So, i was today years old when i learned you had a girlfriend (if i’m not mistaken) and somehow it means a lot to me as you’re one of my comfort blog and that i’ve been struggling with my own sexuality for a while. (I hope it does not come off as weird this is really not my intention 😭) So i was wondering if you would mind sharing how you two met as i love hearing about queer love stories coming from real people and not only in fiction (somehow i need to be reminded that yes, it can happen in real life too for me??) If and only if you’re comfortable doing so of course!!!
aww hi anon! first of all, thank you so much for the kind words--i'm so glad to hear that my blog is a source of comfort for you. and also, re: your sexuality--i'm sending you so much love! i know how scary and how overwhelming it can be to still be figuring out your sexuality and navigating your own queerness, so please remember to have some compassion for yourself, and please know that you're not alone.
as for my girlfriend: yes! i do in fact have one, and we've been together for a little over a year and a half now. we'll be going on two years pretty soon, which is all very exciting!
as for how we met: it's all a pretty funny story, because we actually met while we were both in college. and also right during that first covid summer too. we started off as long-distance friends, bonding our love for star wars and writing.
anyways, i totally had a crush on her, although i was trying to play it off most of the time. the fact that we lived in separate cities was another factor too, of course.
fast forward to a few years later, when we've both graduated college. i've just started my first year of law school; she's working at this point. we're still texting and calling each other a bit, and then i tell her, oh yeah, i'm going out on a date with this guy.
and just like something from a kdrama or a movie or something, this ridiculous, lovely woman texts me as i'm boarding the bus for my date. her text? hey, i dreamed about you last night! we were sitting on a park bench together and we were holding hands :)
and of course, at this point, i still have a disastrous crush on her (hence why i spent a lot of time dating all these random guys in my junior and senior year of college, because i was like i gotta just get over this), but anon, that text message was the other shoe dropping on my brain. i decided right then and there that enough is enough, i'm gonna call her tomorrow and tell her i like her, so she can't just say stuff like that anymore because i don't think i can take it anymore.
so we arrange to have a phone call the next day, and we chat, and of course, true to form, i have to have some liquid courage on me (peach soju, btw . . . but turns out, if you're jittery enough, you don't even feel the alcohol, because i still remember every detail). anyways, at some point, we're chatting, and then i blurt out, "i like you."
and she goes, "i like you too."
and i went, "no, i mean i like you more than a friend. as in i like you."
and she goes, "uh, yeah. i like you to do. the feeling's mutual."
and of course, i didn't know what to say to that. like, i swear i was just like "??? what?" because the thing is, i had this whole speech planned out in my head--something like i like you, and you don't like me like that, so i'm sorry that this is awkward, and i can just take care of my own feelings, but i just really needed to say that so that we're both on the same page--
so to say i was pretty stunned would be an understatement! so cue a lot of laughter and flustering, and fast forward to today, with her living with me for the summer (because of course, she'll need to go back to work and i'll have to go back to school once august hits), and we talk about how many pets we're going to have one day (she has this hobby of sending me videos of increasingly exotic animals and going "??? so can we have this as a pet? :)"), and we've talked about what our wedding is going to be like (as well as what our wedding will not be like) . . .
this is just a whole lot of details, but as you might be the first one to ask me about this lovely person on this webbed site, of course i'm going to ramble and gush--but anon, to give you some hope here, queer love is a beautiful thing and it certainly happens.
personally, i would love to go back in time and find my sad high school self and go "hey, hang in there, because you're gonna be lucky enough to finally fall in love with someone who's kind and warm and patient and loving, and she's going to encourage you to be a better person, and she's going to make friends with literally every single stranger on the street (much to your partial exasperation and partial wonder), and she's going to be really bad at staying hydrated, and she's going to take so many photographs of everything, and she's going to make friendship bracelets on your bed, and she's going to almost fight the secretary at a dentist's office for you (while you tug at her sleeve and go come on, i'm fine, let's just go), and she's going to recite and write poetry that you keep both on your walls and also in your head, and her grandma is going to show you the dorkiest photos she has of this silly, lovely, beautiful person who you love."
so: all that to say, anon, i hope that gave you some hope! it's such a long journey for some of us, but i promise that queer love is out there and healthily alive, and yeah, sometimes they're just as good (or even better) than those that you find in fiction :)
#answered#anon#i could talk about my partner literally all day#like how she has a lot of freckles and how loving and lovable she is#and how she's always the one telling strangers how cute their dogs are#and she's also INCREDIBLY organized#and she's really good at parallel parking#and she's also very artistic and so creative and she has a gazillion hobbies that i'm in awe of#when we were installing my air conditioner i was the one swearing and going 'FUCKING hell oh my GOD'#because it was so humid and hot#meanwhile my partner's smiling and laughing and going 'this is gonna be a funny story later'#which is the other thing: she takes all the inconveniences of life and turns it into a funny story whereas i just swear at the whole thing#(which is why i know that in the case we have kids she's gonna be the mommy the kiddos will run to#when they've broken something or if they threw up in bed)#(whereas i will be the mother who goes 'oh for the love of god')#(our kids will have their mother's sense of humor and their eomma's potty mouth)#but anyways. yes. i love her dearly :)
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There are areas that have four seasons, areas that have just monsoon/wet season and dry/fire season, and areas where they get months of light and months of dark. Of the seasons you have experienced, choose one.
If I missed a season, sorry. I'm stoned and sleepy.
#poll#seasons#my area kinda sorta has four seasons but not really because it's western oregon.#it's wet and cold humidity that sinks to the marrow of your bones or crispy dry and everything is on fire#i'll take cold and wet. my asthma loves it as does my low heat tolerance. the heater dries out the air so i'm using a humidifier in the#living room. i'm wrapped in a quilt and fuzzy socks and sweaters and hot tea and don't feel like i'm gonna faint and have a heat stroke#fuck you dry season. yay for not suffering from SAD. i need to get a sunlamp for Husband
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Oh to write a line that is such an emotional punch to the gut you have to take a break and maybe even go on a walk, like oof
#Raksh's writing ramblings#it took a lot of tweaks and a lot of time just sitting there staring at the paragraph but damn does it hit now#Im actually kinda shocked how well it works#and since its so hot and humid and absolutely godamn awful today that my brain feels like mush#this might be a good point to leave it on today and pick back up on tomorrow#kinda sucks Im only able to get around 600 words a day#But after almost a year of writer's block I'll take it with open arms#(my thesis can wait a lil'm more 🙈🙈)#btw Im writing the final part to the VegasPete time travel AU#and its mostly Vegas' and Gun's confrontation so that's already heavy stuff#but these lines Gun just said to Vegas? oh my god#I might've peaked right there and then#hopefully that'll stay relevant and won’t sound like shit when I get back to it tomorrow 🙈😂#but so far Im having so much fun and it's beginning to look like it might become one of the best things I've ever written#it just Flows and Im letting myself go with the style and its just-- so nice 😩#lots of parallels and lots of implications and mirroring in this confrontation between father and son#might become my favourite bit too#and Id prob appeal to no one but me 🙈 but ehh Im happy with how its turning out and that's important ^^#and if anyone else likes it then thats just an added bonus ^^#now Im gonna go lay down and rest for a bit bcs this heat wave really is killing me#over 32 degrees Celcius with Zero wind snd humid as fuck#I was Not made for this :')
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#every time a character does the whole “talk softly and reassure the dangerous person” thing while also walking ominously towards them ughh#it drives me absolutely nuts. like. you're trying to talk them down from paranoia while you're threateningly walking towards them?#someone does that to me and I'm shooting them at least in the leg or stabbing with whatever makeshift spear I've manufactured#anyway. criminal minds is getting real annoying with the whole pathologizing of people.#like. guy shows signs of being very good at torturing people and they go “ah yes.. a pure sadist” or whatever the fuck#I get that it's shitty crime drama stuff but still. ugh.#I just. I fucking hate when people take the obviously wrong route when talking to mentally destabilized people.#like. people are shit at talking to suicidal people. are shit at talking down irrational fears. people are shit at talking down paranoia.#I hate how people don't fucking know how to interact with freaks I hate how people don't know how to interact with me#everyone acts on their own level without understanding what it's like in any way#and so everyone just projects their own reality onto you without performing any sort of empathy or exercising any sort of understanding#and I want to scream so fucking loud#you're all living in a cotton candy world and your words disintegrate in my humidity#and it's so fucking lonely#and my mind has been clear this past week. the autistic need for pressure satisfied by this prescription pushing on my brain#and I can feel the cogs turning. the wheels and pins and linked gear trains and drive shafts and traction band motors.#all the parts of my brain churning around and I can't get close because the heat from my motor makes my hood hot to the touch.#I burn your hand as you try and press your palm against my flanks.#only think saddle and tack make contact. strict guidelines and harsh rules to govern me.#when I am free I buck and I shift gait and I drag you under too-low branches#also. compared to Hannibal I can basically listen to criminal minds as a podcast. none of the visuals really contribute anything to the show#like. feels very shallow
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Going to London for the first time tomorrow (well, I'm leaving for the airport in 7h but you get it)
Happy about it, two of my best friends in the world are waiting for me there but I am SO nervous ajananana ahhhh, why do I always feel like shit before a trip?!
Send me all the positive vibes! If you have some tips, cool cemeteries, lush parks, second hands dvd/cd shops to suggest feel free to comment down here or hit my askbox.
#jinn out#im so not used to... this#to post 'personal' rl stuff so i keep thinking 'why should anyone care?/you are oversharing/this is boring'#well. im guess im gonna be all those things and who wants will scroll down snsksksks#im actually just procastinating bc im jittery my stomach is close and i dont want to pack bc my brain is !!!!!!#but im gonna be a brave duder after i post this and go and put stuff in my backpack#im staying for a week and im the fastest packer in the land. i usually do it 30 mins before getting in the car sjsjsjsj#ah! yeah. ive to check the weather before doing that. and the temperature bc let me tell you#italy? fucking scorching HOT. and humid as fuck this summer. you could swim for how much water is in the air#sister2 wants me to bring a jacket#i dont use jackets even in january here in italy (i run really hot.#im one of those pc that starts the ventilation the instant you power#it on)#..... what was my point? fuck i need to sleep. if just my heart would stop beating so much snssjsjs#ENOUGH! GOOD-BYE. jinn is going to london and is this close to bring their favourite weapon: drumsticks#BC you'll never know!
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Growing up in Texas gave me a very skewed idea of my own heat tolerance. Because the thing is that if you move somewhere cooler you lose heat tolerance. But I still think of 80 degrees with high humidity as relatively cool for July. But I forget that I lived in Illinois for seven years before moving back to the coastal south and also I don't go outside unless I'm being paid to. So I put on jeans. Maybe even a short sleeved over shirt. Because I think I can handle it. I can't. It's too fucking hot. It's too God damn hot.
#The fucked up thing is that it really truly is the humidity that gets you#In Greece it was around this temperature but very dry where we were#And it was so NICE oh my god#I mean it was hot. I definitely felt. Dusty? After being outside for a while. Like fine sand sticks to you#(though there was a sandstorm while we were there which might be why)#But I did not feel sweaty nearly at all#And sweating WORKED it actually cooled you off. Shade worked. You could BREATH#It was hot as all hell but it was nice!#Also I get why people in some parts of the world shower every day now#I think there was a post about that once and it absolutely confused me#Because when I do that here it dries out my skin and scalp#But I showered every day in Greece and I was fine. Better than usual even! Idk if it's environment or water quality or what#But my guess is that a combination of spending way more time outside (so I definitely needed a shower faster) and the environment (?)#Made it less bad for my skin? Idk. Bodies are so cool
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my bra is made out of a weird material that gets really uncomfortable when it's wet and starts chaffing, which is really weird because it's a sports bra so you'd think it'd be designed to do the opposite of that. but unfortunately not wearing it is equally as uncomfortable bc of underboob sweat so i am stuck having to choose which way i wanna suffer today
#grymms spectacular fucking posts#besides the weird fabric absorbing sweat/water and chaffing it's actually a really good bra#its from a bran that makes bras specifically for people with larger breasts and its super comfortable when it's not super humid and hot#i wish i could use transtape tho cus then i wouldnt have to deal w underboob sweat but unfortunately it didn't work for me
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I got invited to a kind of get together / birthday party thing earlier this week which sounded fun, but also kind of really triggered my anxiety (I know why, but that doesn't make it less annoying), so I decided not to go and let the people who invited me know, and now I'm anxious about whether they think that was rude. I hate this brain.
#swingingblogsaway#so I'm still anxious just in a different way#but apart from the other reasons the current weather is really fucking with me#its not even THAT hot but gods the fucking humidity is killing me#i cant socialize like that#and yet i still feel bad about deciding not to go#i never know which decision is the right one in these situations#am i just avoiding an uncomfortable but potentially fun situation#or is it better to not go because it would actually stress me out and if there's one thing I don't need rn its more stress
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#everything is just 10x harder than it needs to be#1st the paint was bad#so i bought new paint#repainted only it was way too hot/humid the day my mom picked to help me#so it was super difficult#then she insisted on cleaning the carpet#bc 'you won't be happy otherwise'#went over them like 3x with the machine & multiple products#completely saturating them & making them migraine-inducing#so i kept the door shut & windows open while i ran fans to dry it#only now it all stinks like wet dog & perfume#and my ac unit keeps fucking up#and it's really fucking hot & humid#and i could just cry#i've slept maybe 3hrs#and all this fucking room swap shit was supposed to be done before my stepdad got back#& it fucking won't be bc he shows up TOMORROW & my new bedroom smells like someone tried to put flowery deodorizer on a hot wet dog#i'm gonna fucking cry#i have no idea what to do#all i wanted to do was vacuum in there & move in#but no my mom just HAD to complicate it#and now I'M the one who's fucked
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Taking a little break for the weekend and maybe a little bit after cuz I will be at a con and I always need some time to recover afterwards
#dont get me wrong theyre really fun for me#but they always leave me socially drained#plus its gonna be hot as fuck#and GA humidity sucks ass#my nonsense
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was i hot today or was i holding my face weird (autist trying to analyze why people were staring)
#i want to believe that it's bc i was hot but fuck i was really sweaty too it was so humid#on the brain
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#it's so weird trying to describe yourself when u really aren't something u used to be#like until i was probably 21 or so id say i was shy. very very shy. but now im like was that even true? was i ever shy bc im not now#maybe i was just quiet and anxious. maybe thats just what being shy is. but im still both of those things but im not shy#im sorta like a hermit. i dont really go around ppl if i can avoid it but i dont hate being around ppl. its just that im less anxious when#im alone. but if u put me around ppl i like to talk to them so im not shy. ill say whatever. i dont really give a fuck#but if u throw me in a group i go back to being a non entity. i guess thats just being an introvert with an asocial streak#thats a thing i noticed while i was at the grad weekend i attended in march. the group would gather and do things while i kinda just#wandered away from them to poke at trees and sit in the snow. i dunno i just feel better away from ppl. my brain gets a lot louder if ive#been too social. which is a shame bc its interesting to watch ppl and understand how thry work#my friend came over to day goodbye before i leave next week. which was nice. i wish we would have hung out more in person but so it goes#and i think in my head im a lot more contained thst i actually am. like if u set me a task that becomes my focus but im also sorta all over#the place. partly bc i think my brain works on like a lag. and also my mood is a little elevated rn so im sorta like *jazz hands* and#talking too fast and too much and oversharing. yesterday i was instrucing an undergrad and felt so bad bc my brain was all over the place.#could not b made linear. im tired now tho bc theres nothing more draining than being emotionally honest and talking for like 2hrs. woof. it#so hot. like fucking so hot bc the monsoons have started and humidity is up so my swamp cooler is fucked and its gotta b at least 80 degree#inside my apartment. holy christ. and the temp has been over 100 degrees for like at least 2 weeks. its so hot its kinda alarming. and im#glad my friend was also freaked out by how hot its been bc oh god its hot. and i cant focus. ive done fuck all today. but i did get rid of#couch which is so so so great. ugh. someone make the sun stop making it so hot#unrelated#its been over 100 degrees outside for like 2 weeks. not on my apartment#and when i say i wish i spent more time with my friend irl. i mean it in a distant sort of way. like thats how im supposed to feel. like i#dont kno if thats actually what i feel or i kno im supposed to b social but idk if i actually mean it
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hiiii !
#im alive! long day of traveling (gross)(hot)(humid)(really long train delays)(we're at this fucking beach town in the middle of nowhere) so#glad 2 be done now... hfgbhhhh. =___=#ok. ok this whole trip will be worth it for me personally just for getting to see venice. idgaf how [adjective] the rest is.#txt#anyway... read qi ye played another hour of ffvii & got to the opera scene again in ffvi. all during these fucking train delays. <3
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the full list of complaints i have about my former shithole apartment is obviously extensive and i’ve obviously gone over them on here before so i’ll refrain from doing so again now but the two main things are of course UGLY AS FUCK and SMALL AS HELL like if i had to guess square footage i’d say under 300. so it’s like. obviously i want something at least A LITTLE bigger than that this next time around! and i need a Real Kitchen with Real Oven obviously. and floors that aren’t ugly as fuck old dirty carpet. but beyond that i’m like…hmmm…should i go for a one-bedroom? because i was paying $1425 per month for my shithole and i have seen one-bedrooms in the $1500-$1700 range. but there are also literally bigger & better studios than the one i used to live in in the $1150-$1500 range. so i guess it really just depends on what’s available once i start Really Looking. and also somewhat on how much whatever WFH job i wind up getting will pay me but i’m only going to apply to jobs that pay at least $18-$25 an hour so i will be making more than i did at target No Matter What. and of course there is the old “you need to be making 3x what we’re charging” adage but GUESS WHAT! i had zero problems paying $17k a year in rent when i made between $30k-$35k a year in pre-tax income, i also managed to save $5k during the time period that i lived there, my credit score is quote-unquote “very good,” i have documentation backing all of that up, AND i’m VERY persuasive. so i’m honestly not super worried about that one right now.
#i’m like soooooo ready to Get Back Out There#i just need to finish my temp ‘job’ helping my mom’s friend move. figure out how best to describe that on my resume#then actually put together a proper resume. make a new email just for job applications bc my current email provider fucking SUCKS#write a cover letter(BOOOOOO! but the thing that happened last time i did that will NOT happen again.)#and start applying to jobs for the first time since fucking. august 2021 when i applied at World’s Worst You Know What#and then once the weather cools down i will become Fully Normal About Driving#and i’ll be able to start exercising outside again and finally get into running#because you can’t run inside this house because you might step on Hounds#and you can’t run outside right now because it’s too hot and humid and you’ll die#and then i’ll be ready to head back to LA as soon as the strikes are over.#or perhaps even before that if it takes a really long time because peace & love but no way in hell am i spending another summer in south car#olina.
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I don't think I should be held accountable for anything I say tonight I feel like I'm made of jello and I don't think that's good
#its so fucking hot#im melting#i love the heat#but i think the humidity is getting to me#im gonna wake up tomorrow like 'wtf happened last night'#and then i'll open my chromebook and get whiplash from the wack ass shit i said on the internet#maybe im just on my period#that would make sense#not really#i dont know what im saying
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been awake for 36 hours….. now i sleep
#i feel like i was run over by several trains#my brain is mush…#work was rough 😫#and it was so fucking hot today#like outside was quite hot but not horrific#but in the kitchen??? hell#and we don’t have a working air conditioner rn#the chef let me hog one of the two fans tho 💞#well not let me. he pointed the fan at me after i said i was dying and he came over to feel how hot and gross it was by the dishwasher#honestly like. you’d think the line would be worse?? but being in dish on a hot day is BRUTAL#it’s the steam. the humidity is what gets you#he was v concerned lol. it honestly wasn’t THAT bad like i wasn’t about to actually keel over#well ok by the end of the night i definitely was but that was in no small part thanks to the lack of sleep#he suggested i take a break to go hang out in the cooler which i found hilarious#tho honestly. it would’ve been nice#but i didn’t really have time#he did also freeze a rag for me tho! u put it on the back of ur neck and it’s wonderful#so yeah shoutout to my boss i guess xD#tho to give myself credit i think i’m pretty good at exuding the kind of pathetic wet cat energy that compels people to help me#like at my last job there was this one guy that would always give me snacks#usually just little scraps of whatever he was cooking#but it was really nice. he’d call me over from the other side of the kitchen just to try a bite of something#jx.txt
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