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ushittyoldman · 4 years ago

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nobody’s fault but mine (pt. 2)

Levi wouldn’t really be Levi if he knew how to handle his intense feelings for you.

pairing. levi x fem!reader AND a little bit of jean x fem!reader (b/c once again i am a slut 4 jean too)

warnings. some fluff, language (b prepared for a lot of the f-bomb)

a/n. hi sorry 4 the long wait, life is a little hectic rn (it’s snowing n our power has been going out on n off for the past few days lmfao also school b lowkey kicking my ass) BUT i wanted 2 say thank u so so much 4 all ur feedback to part 1 it was so so so unexpected n sweet n flattering i literally still can’t wrap my head around it. i would rly appreciate some feedback 2 this one too since this is A LOT more levi n i actually adored writing him but i would luv 2 know what u guys think of my characterization of him (im a little nervy) but yes feedback is encouraged! this is kinda long but a lot happens so i rly hope u guys appreciate this n enjoy it bc it took me so long 2 write n rewrite it heheheh (side note 4 the sake of age n everything, all the 104th cadets r actually 18+ including our cute lil reader) also! pls continue 2 request more levi ok that’s it 4 now enjoy!

“Rise and shine, sleeping beauty.”

“Jean!”

The hushed voices stirred you out of the pleasant state of unconsciousness you had been in. A sharp pain shot through your head as you slowly opened your eyes, blinking quickly to adjust to the bright light. You flexed your fingers subtly as an attempt to gain awareness of yourself and your surroundings. Once you were comfortable, you slowly turned your head to your right and saw a scene you had grown painfully familiar with– Jean arguing with someone. The victim of the week was Armin, and you almost wanted to laugh at the quick back-and-forth between the two.

“Your bedside manner�� sucks,” you managed to mumble. You cringed at the uncharacteristic hoarseness of your voice.

“There she is!” Jean exclaimed, shooting a victorious smirk at Armin, before fondly looking down at you, as he moved closer to your side.

You heard multiple gasps of your name, and you quickly turned your head to your left, before regretting it due to the sharp pang that followed in your head. Nevertheless, you mustered up as bright a smile as you could, looking at your friends who had all taken various positions throughout the room. Eren was the first to your bed, embracing you tightly.

“That was scary,” he softly mumbled your name, before pulling back, “Don’t do that again.”

The concern on his face startled you momentarily, and you couldn’t help but avert your eyes. You blinked quickly before looking up and shyly smiling at Eren.

“I’ll keep that in mind for next time.”

You then looked up at your fellow cadets, who stood surrounding your small bed in the infirmary. Your love for these people sat heavily in your chest, and you beamed up at them, before you realized you were in the infirmary.

“What happened?” you genuinely asked, your husky voice taking you by surprise again.

“Oh, I’ll tell you what happened!” Jean scowled, crossing his arms in anger, “That little bastard—”

“Jean, you can’t say that about the Captain!” Sasha chided, looking sideways in fear as if to emphasize her point.

“Captain, my ass!”

You attempted to stifle your giggling, yet your mood significantly dropped upon remembering Levi’s treatment towards you this past month. You tried to conceal your obviously bothered expression, but you felt a hand softly ruffle your hair. You looked up and smiled at Reiner.

“Don’t sweat it, kiddo, I’m sure he’ll tone down the punishments after this,” he reassured, obviously mistaking your dejection over your unreciprocated feelings for Levi for something else.

Appreciating the gesture, you continued to smile up at him while nodding softly. Reiner had a comforting presence, and you felt your mood brighten slightly.

“Fingers crossed,” you deadpanned, earning a soft laugh from Bertholdt, who had taken a seat at the foot of your bed.

Jean’s relentless bashing of the Captain continued, as Sasha, Connie, and Armin attempted to calm him down, warning him about the consequences they’d all have to face if word got back to Levi. Eren gritted his teeth in irritation, as he glared up at Jean, threatening to “knock him out if he didn’t shut up,” while Mikasa had silently moved around the chaos to rest her calloused hand on your own, silently squeezing as a gesture of comfort. You squeezed back.

“Look, all I’m saying is he obviously has it out for her. She’s a better soldier than all of us– even you, titan boy— and it’s still not good enough? I call bullshit!”

“I think he’s just trying to be a good teacher, I’m sure there’s a lot I can still improve on,” you justified, and all eyes turned to you.

“There’s not,” Mikasa bluntly stated, leaving no room for argument.

Your friends all agreed, and you scrunched your nose playfully to conceal the warmth that had spread throughout your body at their praise. You worked hard to get where you were– there was a satisfaction in knowing that all of your effort wasn’t going unacknowledged.

“Jean-boy’s right—”

“Bastard!”

“—Captain Levi has been unnecessarily cruel to her, and we’ve all noticed it!” Eren’s fists clenched in anger as he ignored Jean’s yelling.

“But the Captain isn’t the type to hold grudges or act impulsively, so I think there’s something deeper to it,” Armin reasoned, apologetically glancing at you in case his words offended you.

You nodded softly, not wanting to worsen your headache; however, it didn’t really matter when Jean’s painfully loud voice retaliated almost immediately.

“He overworked her to the point of her passing out from exhaustion and severe dehydration!” His eyebrows furrowed in anger, and his sandy brown hair bounced with his every move.

You winced from the pain in your head, and the movement didn’t go unnoticed by Reiner, who glanced at you from where he stood.

“Jean— inside voice, yeah?” Reiner softly spoke, subtly tilting his head down towards you. Jean’s gaze softened and concern replaced the anger on his contorted features, as he apologized to you.

“Yeah, seriously, what are you getting so worked up for?” Connie innocently asked, before a knowing look crossed his features. He turned to his partner-in-crime, and the two donned shit-eating grins as they turned back to Jean.

“Right, that’s why.”

Bertholdt, whose lanky body had been horizontally lying across the bed comfortably, sat up onto his elbows and cluelessly asked, “What’s why?”

Sasha’s smile widened, and she crossed her arms, mimicking Connie’s knowing smirk. “It’s because Jean-boy, here, is sweet on our dear little—”

“Would you shut up!” Jean yelled louder than before, fists shaking in anger. His face was flushed an impossible shade of red, and you would’ve joined in on the laughter, had your head not exploded from the pain.

You were fully aware of the incessant teasing Jean received regarding his relationship with you, and you would honestly be lying if you said you didn’t get a kick out of it as well. Deciding to spare your friend today, you sent a good-natured smile to him, hoping that would be enough to quell his frustration.

Had you not turned to converse with Eren, you wouldn’t have missed Jean’s dazed smile.

While talking to Eren, your mind briefly drifted to Levi and the situation that was weighing heavily on you. You didn’t want to believe that the Captain hated you– you desperately grasped onto your excuse that he was simply a harsh teacher. And yet, you knew there was something more to it.

In a panic-driven moment, you momentarily wondered if he had somehow found out about your feelings for him. You remembered him telling you about his upbringing— you knew better than most that Levi and confessions of love did not go together... at all. Before you could further dig yourself deeper into the pitiful hole you had been in the past month, a painfully familiar voice broke through your intrusive thoughts.

“You know how loud you are? This isn’t a damn daycare.”

“Sir!”

All conversation in the room came to an abrupt halt. You couldn’t help but grow amused at the sight of Eren and Bertholdt scrambling off your bed to stand and salute their superior. Your small smile was wiped off your face when your eyes met stormy grey ones. You quickly looked down, before inhaling quickly and swiftly pulling your bedsheets back. You attempted to muster as much strength as you could, ignoring the multiple eyes on you. You gracefully stood up from the bed, and turned to Levi, managing the salute as well. You slowly looked up at him.

“Sir,” you shakily mumbled, internally cringing once again at the uncharacteristic rasp to your voice.

You received proud looks of admiration from your friends, though Jean’s remained more concerned than proud. Idiot! he thought to himself. We know you’re strong, now’s not the time to prove it!

Levi, meanwhile, had tried his very best to suppress the guilt that had been eating away at him for the past day; however, it had only worsened when he saw you and heard your weak voice. Upon making eye contact with you, he almost wanted to fall to his knees and apologize profusely for everything he had put you through, audience be damned.

Levi had spent the better half of the day pacing around your room in the infirmary wing of the Scout Regiment’s base, lost deeply in his thoughts, as his concern for you weighed heavily in his heart. After a few more hours of pacing, he had finally come to the conclusion that he was an idiot (a grade A, unique brand of idiot all in a league of his very own), and that he was in love with you.

Where the first realization annoyed him to high heaven, the second one brought him a sense of peace that was only heightened every time he had looked at your unconscious form.

Levi, uncomfortable with the amount of self-actualizing he had done that day, had left the room after softly caressing your cheek, hoping to convey all of his guilt and apologies and love into the simple gesture. Once he was away from the infirmary wing of the base, he inhaled deeply, itching for the comfort of a cup of warm tea. On his way to the mess hall, he had passed by your friends from the 104th, all undoubtedly on their way to see you. Levi’s eyebrow had slightly risen upon noticing the varying looks of defiance and anger on each of their faces. He had remained unfazed, his half-lidded eyes looking away, as if he hadn’t even seen them at all.

Somehow, it was harder to face them now with you standing amongst them.

His face retained its usual impassive and bored expression, yet it momentarily faltered when he noticed you slightly stumble from where you were standing next to the hospital bed. Levi’s heartbeat quickened, and he made a subtle move to rush over to you to catch you for the second time that day, but Jean was quicker. The taller man had been keeping a watchful eye on you, and had quickly dropped his salute to stand behind you and steady your slightly uncoordinated form. You comfortably relaxed backwards into his arms as you sent a grateful smile up at him, and he softly smiled back in response, leading you back to the bed.

Levi was both relieved and a little fucking pissed off.

“Visiting hours are over— I need to talk to the brat,” he lazily said, authority ringing loudly and clearly in his command.

For the first time in all his years of captaining the scouts, there was a quick hesitation after his command.

Levi raised an unamused eyebrow at each of the cadets, silently challenging them to disobey him. Despite his threatening aura, he wouldn’t blame any of your friends if they were to defy Levi. The Captain deserved it for his treatment of you— he’d take it like a man.

Your eyes widened in surprise when your friends subtly glanced at you, silently asking if it was okay to leave you alone with him. Upon hearing Levi’s request to talk to you, your heart had begun to uncontrollably race and you swore you could feel it in your throat. You were disappointed in yourself for growing excited at finally being able to talk to him.

Blinking quickly, your cheeks grew hot under everyone’s gazes, so you reassuringly smiled at your eight friends, and you once again felt the genuine love you had for them erupt within your heart.

Ever the peacemaker of the group, Armin signaled for the rest to follow him out of the room, and they each uncertainly walked behind him. Mikasa squeezed your hand once more before following closely behind Eren, who sent you an encouraging smile. Bertholdt subtly sent a thumbs up to you, while Reiner winked at you as he looked over his broad shoulder. Your smile widened; however, it faltered when your eyes met Jean’s. His irritated expression worried you, yet before you could respond, he turned away and walked past Levi.

Levi had to give it to Jean— not many people had the balls to openly glare at the Captain.

Once everyone was gone, the tension within the room increased tenfold. You looked at Levi, and you bit your lip in contemplation, anticipating what he would say. Many thoughts rang through your head.

Was it another punishment? Was he going to yell at me? Did he find out about my fee–

“How do you feel?”

You almost had to pinch yourself. After one month of barely any interactions with your friend— if you were still even allowed to call him that— you realized how starved you were for pleasant conversation with Levi.

“I’ve been better,” you breathed out, still cautious. “How… how do you feel?”

Even after such an unpleasant experience, your unwavering kindness shone just as brightly. Levi’s heart ached so sweetly, and he internally groaned upon realizing how fucking whipped he was.

He silently stepped forward, pulling a seat to the side of your bed. Once he was seated, Levi looked into your eyes, and you felt your breath hitch at the intensity of the swirl of emotions dancing within his normally cold eyes. He exhaled softly.

You noticed how tired he looked.

“Just peachy.”

There was a pregnant pause, and you came to realize that there was just too much you wanted to say to him, and you didn’t know where to start. Your soft eyes held his sharp gaze.

“You scared the shit out of me, brat.”

Your heart involuntarily skipped a beat, and your eyes widened in response.

“I did?” you internally slapped yourself at your stupid response.

“Yeah. You did.”

“Sorry, sir,” you softly mumbled.

“Levi… just Levi.”

The Levi in front of you was a completely different man from the one who you’ve had the pleasure of interacting with over the past month. You thought back to your friends and their anger at your mistreatment, and you thought of the many unfair punishments, cold shoulder treatments, and overworking during training (despite you being second only to Humanity’s Strongest, himself). Slowly, your incredulity at being treated like a lapdog began to dim and was replaced by your growing indignation. Though you were no stranger to standing up for yourself, you still felt your anxiety skyrocket as you looked back up at your superior.

“Do you hate me, Captain? Did I… did I do something?”

And there it was.

Levi knew the question would come up at some point, and yet he still felt ill-prepared in his response. He knew this was a big step for you— in the whole year that he’s gotten to know you, he learned how much you hated confrontation. You blatantly ignoring his request and choosing to address him by his title caught his attention, and he frowned. When he looked into your slightly watery eyes, a warmth spread throughout his chest, and he had to clear his throat.

“Don’t say shit like that, you haven’t done anything.”

Levi wanted to punch himself— he was never good with words.

You, however, weren’t fazed by the manner in which he spoke. You had fallen for the man, harsh words and all.

“Then why have you—” you paused as you momentarily lost your voice.

Levi thought it was cute (to be fair, he found everything about you endearing), yet he knew it would be inappropriate to openly admire you when you were so clearly upset with him.

“Sorry,” you grew embarrassed and licked your lips, “It’s just… well, why have you been ignoring me? And— and yelling at me? We stopped drinking tea together, and practicing in the forests. You don’t even acknowledge me when I talk to you! I’m sure you have a really good reason, sir, but I just—”

Levi detested the sick feeling of guilt that churned within his heart. In hindsight, he really should’ve thought it through before he began his little plan of distancing himself from you. How else was he supposed to tell you oh, everyone in the fucking Scout Regiment wants you, and so do I, but I haven’t done anything about it because I’m a pussy, so I just decided to take it out on you and wallow in my own self-pity like the sad little man I am, without sounding like he was deranged.

“—I just miss you.”

Levi’s eyes widened a fraction of an inch, and his breath hitched. This time it was the sincerity in your eyes that made him look away quickly.

“I…”

I’ve missed you too, dammit.

At his lack of a response, your eyebrows furrowed, and your irritation grew. Your small hands balled the soft bedsheet, and you swallowed to soften the burn in your throat before speaking.

“Why did you even come here?” you scoffed indignantly, attempting to mask your hurt, “Was it to just to yell at me some more? Oh, I know! Maybe I need to run through training ten more times again, right?”

The guilt churned even more in his chest, and Levi seriously wanted to punch himself. He willed himself to say something— anything— but he felt speechless in front of you.

“Levi,” you hoarsely spoke with desperation, and he looked into your watery eyes. “Say something, please.”

It was as if you had read his mind, and a slight feeling of reassurance quelled the storm in his heart; you really were the only one for him. As he met your eyes— your beautiful, enchanting eyes— he felt his self-hatred skyrocket at the amount of hurt in them. He had grown used to seeing them filled with humor, kindness, and a soft edge that was rare to find nowadays. Yet seeing them filled with such pain and hurt was unsettling, and Levi went mute for the fifth time that day.

You nodded in understanding when he failed to say anything, and your heart clenched. Jean had been right— you were nothing more than a lovesick puppy. You blinked quickly as a poor attempt to conceal your tears, yet nothing ever escaped the Captain’s attention.

His gaze softened, and Levi found out something else about himself— he really didn’t like seeing you cry.

“Shit, please don’t cry,” he tenderly mumbled, as he leaned closer to you and gently cupped your face to wipe away your tears with the pads of his thumb.

Your breath hitched and your full lips involuntarily parted. You relished in the warmth of his touch, and you wanted nothing more than to lean into his comforting hand. Your name fell from his lips, and you felt yourself come back to reality. Remembering just how you had gotten into this situation, you decided to stand your ground. Despite everything in your body begging to give in and accept this moment with the Captain, you stood unwavering in your decision.

You gently grabbed his large hand with both your hands, and moved it away from your face and into your lap. You held it there loosely and delicately rubbed your fingers over his hand soothingly before eventually stopping, and looking back up at him.

His usual bored expression was long gone, and in its place was a very tender and vulnerable expression. A storm was brewing in his grey eyes, and you distantly remembered stargazing once with him. You had desperately wished you could read his thoughts— somehow, you had found his daunting eyes more fascinating than the starry sky. You felt an ache in your heart at the intimate memories, and you really really wished Levi loved you the way you love him.

“You know what, Levi? It doesn’t even matter if you hate me, because—” you inhaled sharply.

This has to be done, you reassured yourself, or else you’d be subjecting yourself to an onslaught of hurt and heartbreak.

“—Because I hate you.”

Your lip quivered and your broken voice faltered. And of course, Levi noticed.

His eyes darted down to your lips at the slight movement. His hands had stilled, and he decided that getting eaten by a damn titan would be much less painful than this.

And then he’s looking at you. You looked back at him, yet he’s looking at you— through you— in that way that makes you want to hide and hold your ground at the same time.

“Right,” Levi drawled, and you knew he didn’t believe you (hell, you were unconvinced yourself). His eyes reverted back to their cold nature, and he ran a hand through his hair, allowing the silky strands to softly land against his forehead.

He stood up, and wordlessly gave you a onceover. Under his scrutiny, you felt yourself grow insecure, but deep down you desperately hoped he’d stay. You bit your bottom lip in apprehension, and Levi’s eyes softened at the sight of your nervous habit.

How is it that he could kill titans all the livelong day yet when it came to this sweet girl, so small and disarming, he couldn’t even utter a single word?

Levi had never felt more pathetic. He peered down at you, momentarily debating whether it would be right for him to attempt one last thing before finally deciding fuck it, and gently cupping your cheek for the third time that day, bending down, and pressing a soft kiss to the top of your head. He gingerly inhaled your enticing scent, appreciating how even after the hell he had put you through, you still smelled so alluring.

You were positive that Levi could hear your heartbeat. You blinked many times in disbelief, as he pulled away and sent one last lingering gaze down at you.

Levi slightly smirked at the pretty blush that had colored your cheeks, his half-lidded eyes drinking in the mesmerizing sight of you sitting up in your bed and gaping up at him, your cheeks flushed and wet with the remnants of your tears. He turned around and silently left the room.

He had ignored every part of his body that begged him to stay.

▲▼▲

“Shut up, I can barely hear them!”

“Ow— Bertholdt, you’re stepping on my foot!”

“Oh, sorry.”

“Watch it, horse face!”

“Eren.”

“You piece of shit, I’m—”

The piece of bread that had been tightly held in Sasha’s grip suddenly fell to the floor. Everyone went silent.

“Holy shit, I think… I think he just kissed her.”

Jean really hoped Sasha was wrong.

He decided to ignore the fact that her freakishly good hearing bordered on supernatural, so there was really no way she could’ve been wrong with a mere wooden door standing between her and the conversation.

“I knew there was something going on between them! Reiner— pay up.”

Reiner muttered several curses under his breath as he pulled out a hefty stack of cash from his pocket. Connie’s grin widened.

Armin had glanced up at Jean, slightly alarmed at the dark expression on his face. Before he could comfort his friend, the door suddenly opened. Everyone scrambled to straighten themselves up, attempting to act like they hadn’t been just eavesdropping on the entire conversation between you and the Captain.

A chorus of sir’s rang throughout the large hallway, and Levi grew amused at the sight before him. His lips twitched upwards, and the cadets had to almost physically stop their mouths from dropping open at the sight. Levi’s ghost of a smile disappeared when his eyes met Jean’s seething ones.

The two held each other’s gazes, Levi’s expression being cool, while Jean’s had been irritated. Levi was not a fucking idiot; he knew the kid was in love with you.

Join the fucking club.

Levi, realizing that this was the exact reason he had gotten himself into that mess with you and not really wanting to sour his somewhat good mood, looked away from Jean to nod at the group of your friends.

“As you were.”

He brushed past Jean, his gaze as intimidating as ever, as he silently walked down the hallway. Jean’s fists clenched tightly. Once Levi had turned the corner, the group exploded into chatter, their reactions varying from stunned to adoring.

Jean really really fucking hoped Sasha was wrong.

▲▼▲

Your horse trotted proudly through the vast landscape, the wind blew through your open hair, your friends teased each other amicably, and your excitement grew at finally being cleared to join the scouts on their next expedition. Though you hadn’t been getting much sleep lately, and you’ve been a little too preoccupied to eat much, nothing could bring your mood down at this moment.

You were alongside your friends as you all followed the section commanders as their horses galloped into the edge of the forest. The mission for today was to exterminate any titans who had wandered too close to the walls. A simple mission, and you were more than capable.

You had been in a great mood.

Until your eyes landed on Levi.

He had been further up, leading his own squad. He had turned around to respond to Gunther, and that’s when his eyes had met yours. Your internal conflict grew, and you ultimately ended up averting your eyes and ignoring him, deciding to maintain your cold treatment towards him.

Him kissing your head had only further confused you, despite the sweet butterflies you felt every time you thought back to it. Levi’s treatment towards you had unexpectedly changed since that day in the infirmary, and it had reverted to the way it was before his sudden aversion to you, though there was something much sweeter in his actions. You swore you were getting whiplash.

Though he had been significantly kinder to you, you had held your ground, unrelenting in your declaration. Part of you was terrified that if you gave in and became comfortable, he’d suddenly return back to the yelling, the punishments, and the overworking. Part of you also didn’t want to face reality— your feelings were unreciprocated, and they would only serve to bring you a world of heartache and sadness.

Your cold shoulder towards him was nothing compared to the way he had treated you. Yours mainly consisted of avoiding him, and when that wasn’t an option and you had to interact with him, you kept it civil and short. Your heart would ache, but you knew it was for the best. It helped that Jean would offer approving smiles and words of encouragement, even going as far as to smirk when you had ignored the Captain.

Levi, meanwhile, had frowned when he noticed that you ignored him. Again.

In all honesty, he did deserve it, but that didn’t mean it still didn’t hurt like a bitch. He grew irked at your display. Levi hoped you would understand that him kissing your head and showing affection towards you was his grand confession of love. You knew he was shit with words, and he hoped that that would be enough.

He was sadly fucking mistaken.

His attention had been on you the whole mission. Even when the scouts had to dismount from the horses to use the ODM gear through the trees, he had somehow managed to keep a watchful eye on you. You were graceful as ever as you flew through the trees, though his observing gaze noticed that your reaction time was noticeably slower than normal. He had also noticed the dark circles under your usually bright eyes, and he grew worried upon noticing your overall state.

Levi, himself, wasn’t faring much better. He was getting virtually no sleep, running completely on caffeine, adrenaline, and pure will, yet he still made sure he was in excellent shape when it came to these missions— humanity was resting on his shoulders, after all.

The firing of a flare gun in the distance indicated that the group would be encountering titans— a lot of titans— from the left. The soldiers prepared, all eyes focused on the left. You had conveniently taken up the right-most end of the formation, and your attention had also been on the left, your blades held tightly in your hands.

It was only by chance that Levi decided to glance down at you as he soared above you in the middle of the formation. Your eyes met once again, and Levi’s heart lurched at the beautiful sight, when movement behind you immediately caught his attention. A large abnormal with the ability to jump from tree to tree had suddenly appeared and made an attempt to grab you. Your attention had been solely on Levi, so you hadn’t noticed, especially over the roar of the wind in your ears.

Levi’s eyes widened, and he yelled out your name. The rich baritone of his deep voice reached your ears, and you turned slightly behind you, yet you reacted too slowly. Your body jerked backwards, flying so far from the group. You flew through the air at such a great speed that it took you by surprise when you slammed against a tree as the wires of your ODM gear grew tangled. The abnormal had missed you— barely. Your head slammed against the tree and you felt the wind knocked out of your body at the impact.

You whimpered at the hell of a hospital stay you’d have to face after this.

The abnormal almost seemed to be grinning wider upon realizing that it had successfully subdued you. You attempted to quickly stand up, though your body yelled in agony at the movement. Willing yourself to fight back, you shakily stood up, tightly gripping your blades that had miraculously not fallen to the ground throughout the struggle. You winced at the searing pain that shot through your head, yet you clenched your teeth in determination. Realizing that your gear was broken and therefore useless, you quickly discarded yourself of it, and felt some of the tension in your body alleviate now that you were significantly lighter.

“The hell is she doing?” Jean yelled incredulously from his spot next to Levi, and the other members of the group looked on in shock as they all attempted to make it to you in time.

“She’s fighting back,” Levi spoke through gritted teeth, his worry for you eating him alive. His eyebrows were furrowed in stress and anxiety, and he was now soaring impossibly fast through the trees in order to reach you.

Stupid brat. Stupid, resilient, little brat.

“Attagirl!” Oluo and Eld cheered, and Petra shoved them, warning them to stop their blatant ogling in the middle of a dangerous mission. They skillfully dodged her attack, grinning at their adept use of the ODM gear.

A noise towards the side caught their attention, and the group realized the titans they had been anticipating were now in sight. Levi coolly assessed the shitty situation, before commanding that most of the soldiers take care of the titans, while Levi, his squad, and some of the 104th’s cadets would assist you. The group split up, and Levi turned his attention back to you, his heart thumping against his chest.

As the titan made a move to grab you, you exhaled quickly to focus before skillfully jumping onto its elongated arm and running quickly towards its nape. You were defying gravity as you gained speed the higher you went. The titan wasn’t stupid, and it began to grab you with its other arm, yet you anticipated its move. You lithely dodged it, executing a quick front flip as you narrowly escaped its grasp once again.

This was it!

You saw your opening. You leaped forward and pushed your feet against its shoulder as hard as you could, soaring high up in the air above the titan. Muscle memory served you well, and you thought back to the training circuit that had mimicked a situation almost exactly like this one. You gracefully began to spin yourself faster and faster, your cape billowing behind you as you finally readied your blades for the final blow. You yelled out, as your head pain worsened. As a result, your maneuver faltered slightly, almost imperceptible to the human eye. The titan noticed.

It lashed a large hand out again, attempting to grab you, but it accidentally slapped your body away. You cried out in pain, and you flew in the direction of your friends, hurtling towards the ground. You were falling so fast, and you felt yourself grow dizzy from being chucked around so much in the last five minutes.

Eren yelled out your name, a whimper stuck in his throat at the sight of your almost lifeless body spiraling downwards. Jean’s eyes widened, and he knew he wouldn’t be able to make it in time.

Levi’s heart stopped upon witnessing the titan slap your body with so much force. You were plummeting towards the ground at an impossible speed, and he didn’t even think twice before withdrawing his ODM gear’s hooks and diving towards you within the blink of an eye. His cape flew behind him, and a determined glint had overtaken his angry features.

You had been bordering between consciousness and unconsciousness, yet the sight above you had been so clear that it almost felt as if everything was moving in slow motion. Your long hair flew around you, creating a curtain around your face, as you looked up at Levi. He had dived towards you, his jaw so tightly clenched. His muscular long arm began reaching out to you. The ground was quickly approaching, and you felt a sense of serenity at the sight of your Captain, despite your confusion and the severity of this situation.

“Levi,” you mumbled, smiling softly.

His face dropped upon seeing the calm expression on your face, and he willed himself to go faster, a number of expletive curses ringing through his head.

That damn titan. Did it know how small you were? How precious you were?

He spun himself slightly to gain momentum, and he saw you were just within reach. Levi confidently stretched his strong arm out even more, managing to wrap his hand around your arm. He swiftly pulled you into his chest, one arm wrapping around your waist, while the other hand cradled your head protectively against his broad chest. He swiftly flipped himself around to face his body upwards, further ensuring he’d take the majority of the blow in case you two ended up hitting the ground, and shot both of his ODM gear’s hooks into a nearby tree, propelling both of you away from the ground and towards the high branch. You fleetingly realized how familiar this position felt.

Once Levi safely landed, he kneeled, and supported your body against his thigh as he continued to hold you in his arms. He quickly looked over his shoulder, and could make out the sight of the titan falling to the ground. All the members of his squad seemed alive and well, so he turned his attention back to you. His eyes quickly darted over your face, desperately searching for any obvious injuries.

Your eyes fluttered open at the feeling of Levi running his hands through your hair and over your cheeks. The Levi in front of you was leagues different from the cool and composed one you had come to know. He had a frantic look in his eyes, his jaw clenched tightly, as he desperately peered down at you.

“Le… Levi?” You mumbled, your voice still a little hoarse from your recent infirmary stay.

“You are so precious to me, you hear me?” He lowly spoke, panic and anger and a whole plethora of emotions coloring his normally deadpan voice.

Your jaw fell open and you were almost positive you were suffering from a mean concussion, and this was a hallucination. “Wha—”

“You’re a fucking brat— an incredibly frustrating, resilient little brat— but you’re mine.”

You dazedly looked up at him, and you realized how close his face was to yours. His muscular chest was heaving up and down, and a small droplet of sweat dripped down from his hairline. Levi’s handsome features held nothing but adoration for you, and in that moment nothing could bring you down from the high you were experiencing. You felt his warm hands cup your cheek once more, a habit he seemed to be fond of.

“You want a fucking declaration of love? Here it is— if anything happens to you, I swear I’ll kill every titan on this piece of shit planet,” he spoke, surprisingly unbothered with how vulnerable he was being with you. He moved closer to you, his forehead nearly resting on your own. “I don’t give a fuck if you hate me or not. You’re mine, and I’m yours. And that’s all there is to it.”

Your hand creeped up to grasp the wrist of the hand that had been caressing your face, and you tightened your fingers around it. He froze, momentarily wondering if you were rejecting his confession, and he internally groaned at the thought.

There’d be no coming back from this one.

“You’re mine?” You shakily asked, a gloriously beautiful smile slowly gracing your features.

“That’s what I said,” he mumbled, attempting to conceal how lovestruck he felt at your smile.

“After… after we get home and I get some medical attention, you’re going to have to kiss me, alright? I’m—”

You were cut off by his lips pressing against your own. Your eyes fluttered shut, and you relished in the soft feeling of his lips molding against yours. You felt an indescribable warmth erupt in your chest, and you whimpered against Levi’s lips. His kiss was soft and warm, a huge contrast to the Levi from this past month. He pulled away just as quickly as he had bent down.

“One for the road,” he simply explained, glancing down at you. He internally smirked at the pretty blush coloring your cheeks— he was always fond of the sight.

▲▼▲

“You’re not serious.”

“Do I look like I’m joking?”

You stifled your giggles at Levi’s straight face. Your expression still showed your disbelief at what he had just told you.

“I’m not an idiot, Levi, I know how some people look at me,” you laughed, rolling your eyes playfully.

“Even the Commander?”

“Oh, I’m working my way up through the ranks right now, can’t you tell?” You teased, gesturing down to your intertwined bodies, as you both faced each other in his warm bed.

“You’re funny, brat,” he deadpanned, no heat and all fondness as he affectionately pinched your cheeks.

You snuggled deeper into his chest, savoring the warmth that you were enveloped in. You were wearing his shirt— still warm and smelling strongly of him— and you inhaled softly as your face pressed deeper into his chest. Somehow, the slight aftermath of your headache from the recent expedition began to dull slightly.

“I’m sorry again,” Levi murmured, softly cradling your head against his chest.

“Really? I couldn’t tell the first five hundred times you said so,” you teased, looking up at him. Your breath hitched at the sight of his face angled down towards you, dark wisps of hair falling over his eyes and structured face. Levi was so painfully handsome, you could feel your heart flutter.

His eyes were intense, and his guilt continued to stir within his stomach. Seemingly able to read his mind, you pressed a chaste kiss to his warm chest.

“Idiot,” you mumbled, “I really wouldn’t care if the King himself came up to me and proposed, and you know exactly why.”

“Humor me.”

“Terrifying guy, goes by the name of Humanity’s Strongest Soldier?”

He chuckled lowly, the deepness of his voice vibrating through his chest, and your insides turned to mush. Feeling relieved at successfully pulling Levi out of his little hole of guilt, you yawned softly. Your bruised ribs still ached at times, yet you ignored it this time to cuddle deeper into Levi, who was also on the verge of sleep.

He was sleepily looking down at you, observing your attempts to get comfortable in his embrace, and he softly smiled to himself. His muscular arms tightened around you, one of his hands coming to rest on the soft curve of your hip. He relished in the fact that sleep would be coming easily to him with you here. Levi had surprised himself with how easily he was able to show his affections toward you, and he chalked it up to that being further proof that you really were the only one for him.

He felt a warmth come from the sweet pang in his chest, and it spread throughout his entire body. Levi had learned to associate that feeling with you.

His eyes closed silently, and you pressed one last kiss to his chest.

“Precious,” he mumbled, “Precious little brat.”

▲▼▲

#levi ackerman x reader #levi ackerman #attack on titan #attack on titan fic #shingeki no kyojin #shingeki no kyoujin #levi aot #levi fanfiction #aot fanfiction #aot #request #jean kirschtien #jean kirstein x reader

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thewhitejournal · 4 years ago

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forgiveness .

(not my gif, credits to the owner)

Spencer Reid x Female!Reader Oneshot

requested by @lovely-lady-lumps : Could I request a Spencer Reid x reader? Spencer gives her the silent treatment and she gets sad and starts crying bc she thinks he wants HER to stop talking bc she talks too much? Sorry this one's kind of angsty.

I hope you like this request! I don’t usually write angst, so I wasn’t sure where to go with it. I hope what I came up with is to your liking. Sorry it took me so long. Enjoy all!

content warnings: angst, cursing, mentions of intravenous drug use

It had been what felt like years since Spencer Reid said anything to you other than sarcastic and hurtful remarks or talking about the case when you were paired up. You weren’t sure what was wrong with him, and all you wanted was to help him feel better, but he wasn’t letting that happen. His demeanor has changed drastically in the past couple of weeks. When you confided in JJ, hoping maybe she would have some answers, he got upset over that, too. He tried to tell you that it wasn’t anyone’s business, including yours. That’s not the case, however; the team needs to work together as a family and help each other if they want to stay focused on their very important jobs. So, in your opinion, whatever was upsetting the doctor was everyone’s business, including yours.

When you first met Dr. Spencer Reid, you were only a student, attending a seminar that he and one of your favorite authors David Rossi was putting on. You aspired to work cases as you’d read in Rossi’s books, and that’s where you ended up; a new agent trainee for the Behavioral Analysis Unit. You couldn’t have been happier to be working alongside not only your role model and idol but with the rest of the team, who you quickly warmed up to. The team was welcoming and supportive and kind. That included Spencer, but he treated you differently.

You weren’t a top-notch, veteran profiler like Hotch or Rossi, but it didn’t take one to notice the way Reid tumbled over his words when he spoke to you, avoiding eye contact and generally being shyer than usual. At first, you thought it was because he didn’t like you. You soon learned though that it was entirely the opposite; he was head over heels for you. The feeling was mutual. Not only was his brain attractive, but the way he acted with you made you feel at home; now it felt like Spencer had changed the locks and left you out in the dark.

The rest of the team had gone to the crime scene or the morgue, leaving you and Reid alone at the precinct. Hotch instructed that the two of you complete a geographical profile of the dumpsites, so you followed orders. The papers on the table were strewn everywhere, what with him throwing them about when he was finished with whatever information the piece of paper may have given him.

Something needed to be said; it wasn’t always that you had a moment alone with him, not to mention the seclusion from the rest of the police. The doors to the conference room were shut in an attempt to give the two of you peace to do your work, but it felt like you’d been locked up with an angry lion instead.

You exhaled heavily, your breath a little shaky. He didn’t even blink.

“You’ve changed, Spencer.”

Silence.

“But it’s somehow my fault, right? That’s why you’re giving me the cold shoulder and nobody else?”

No response, none verbal anyway. His eyebrows knitted together and you saw his knuckles turn whiter against the black ink pen he was scribbling with.

“Why can’t you just look at me?” Your tone grew angrier and more insistent. The black ink on the paper was bleeding through it; his pen quit moving, creating a dark circle on the page.

“I don’t want to talk to you right now.” His voice was low and gravelly; you almost didn’t recognize it. The pen returned to its dance in his hand. You scoffed.

“Then when is a good time for you? Because I sure as hell haven’t seen one.” The pain in your voice was apparent to you, you just hoped it was to him, too. Angry tears were bubbling up inside you; your throat felt like it was on fire.

“Goddamnit, (Y/N)! All you ever do anymore is pester me about how I’m doing, how many times do I have to tell you I’m fine? You’re not my damn therapist so quit acting like it. It’s getting old.” As the sentence went on, his voice grew louder. The pen had made its way across the room, and his hands were in his hair, head on the table. The tears made their inevitable appearance now, spilling down your cheeks rapidly and dotting the notebook in front of you. The blue lines on the pages smeared as you tried to wipe them off.

“What the hell happened to you, Spence?” Your voice broke, how could it not? He picked his head up from the table and looked into your eyes. Tears were coming from his, too. His lip involuntarily quivered; he bit down on it to make it stop.

He broke eye contact with you, but only to unbutton his sleeve and roll it up to his elbow. His eyes were glued to the skin there. Your eyes followed his. They landed on the track marks; the unaccounted for bottle of Dilaudid he was tortured with had found use in Spencer Reid.

“Spencer...why didn’t you tell me?” You got up from your seat, propping yourself on the edge of the table in front of him. His sleeve was being rolled back down and buttoned, eyes not meeting yours again. The new tears making stains on his cheeks told you enough, though.

“I-I didn’t want you to worry…” His soft tone returned to his voice, his eyes fixated on his hands in his lap.

“I just want to see you happy.” Your voice lowered, hand reaching out to rest on his shoulder. He didn’t flinch away as you expected. Instead, he stood and hugged you tightly.

“I’m so sorry, (Y/N). You never talk too much and I should’ve let you in. You deserve so much better than the way I’ve been treating you. Please forgive me.” His chin rested on your shoulder, still in each other’s arms. You pulled back, looking into his eyes. He wiped a tear off your cheek, and you did the same to him, both of you smiling now.

“That’s not true. You’re everything I’ve wanted and more.” It came out as a whisper from your lips, Spencer leaning into you and you instinctively leaned into him, too. His lips softly kissed yours, something long-awaited from the both of you.

“You’re forgiven, pretty boy.”

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richietoaster · 5 years ago

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Review/Reaction of IT Chapter Two

Let’s just start right off the bat and let me just say that Bill Hader better get a fucking award for his performance.

Alright. Here we go y’all. im trying to stay in order with what happened but so much happened in the movie that my brain is just all over the place so excuse me while i try to form words

UNDER THE CUT CONTAINS MAJOR SPOILERS

• first opening scene is a fucking LOT okay like i sobbed my eyes out and it was just not cool. adrian and his boyfriend? CUTE AF. Him getting brutally beat up and then killed by Pennywise while Don just watches? NOT CUTE AF

• Mike is a precious boy and I love him so. He cares about his friends so much holy shit. they all get mad at him for lying to them tho.But he only did it to protect them. Mike knew some SHIT(tm) our boy is so smart?? I’m glad they kept to his original storyline

• Older Bill gave himself so much shit this film and i just felt so bad. like we know it isnt ur fault okay?? We know you loved your brother, stop putting yourself down. also?? him becoming protective over dean? please stop my aching heart.

• Jessica Chastain owns my whole heart and she can kick my ass anyday. She plays Bev so well and captures young bev’s personality so well. her scene with mrs kersh was very weird. i knew the second she ran naked in the hall i’d be seeing some weird fucking shit okay

• Jay Ryan could kick me and I would personally thank him like?? wow what a man. He immediately recognizes bev when he first sees her and im just?? im happy. so many hidden new kids on the block reference and it had me fucking rolling in my grave

• JAMES FUCKING RANSONE MY DUDE OH LORD okay listen. he gives off young eddie’s panic and chaotic energy so perfectly i felt like i was watching him as an adult, who just never grew up. I think thats what he was going for honestly. He played eddie SO FUCKING WELL

• I’m so sad about stan. THats all you need to know okay. I’ll talk about his letter later on in this. Stan deserved better. that’s all.

• if you are not a fan of vomit you’re not gonna enjoy richie tozier. literally any time something bad happens hes just like ah shit here we go again *vomits* and honestly? that made me laugh. like hes just like oh shit something is happening let.. let me just.. no no its fine guys ill catch up.. EHBWFIJHDFSIJ no okay but bill hader stole the fucking show. his acting was phenomenal and,, again,, i’ll add more onto that later.

• richie scares the shit out of dean. because he thinks hes pennywise. but can you blame him? the kid just. stared at him all creepy and shit. but its so funny. the losers make fun of him bc he doesnt know his own lines from his acts and richies just like “I dont write my own material” and eddies just like “I KNEW IT! I FUCKING KNEW IT” dead. goodbye.

• Young losers were still my favorite part honestly. Eddie kept bouncing that stupid ball in stan’s face in the clubhouse and i was waiting for him to get punched in the face tbh. That didn’t even seem like eddie, that was Jack’s energy bursting through the seams lmfao

• young eddie runs into a fucking box and shrieks and if that isn’t me idk ewhdfiajksjdoi

• THE FUCKING. HAMMOCK. SCENE. okay listen to me. thats gay. hammocks are now gay. gays only. gay interacts only. the bickering between reddie had me in TEARS. eddie kept kicking at his face and just?? casually??? lays on him when richie wont move??

• stan’s fucking shower cap ehfdiujasdiosa and then richie being like “nobodys afraid of spiders stanley okay” and eddie slowly removes his because he cares what richie thinks more than spiders ok

• a flashback from after they defeated IT in the first move with reddie “eddie youve been gone for 24 hours your face is most likely on a milk carton by now” “shut up richie”

• yong Richie has me weak af this whole movie, like always. just getting on Eddie’s case. HE PINES SO HARD OH Y GOD Like wow my sweet boy is so fucking in love ouch. which?? BRINGS ME TO MY NEXT POINT??

• THE ARCADE SCENE?? he checks out the kid standing next to him and tries to get him to hang out more and then the other kid tells him to stop being weird because he’s not gay, too, and then uses the F slur. richie was just so hurt. paul bunyun scene happens after that and hes just like “I just shit my pants” and i cried.

• pennywise screaming “lets play truth or dare, you wouldnt pick truth! you dont want them to know your secret” gave off the same energy as eddie’s leper blowjob scene from the book. same energy. do with that as you will.

• they had some flashbacks that included pennywise and im not sure if this was before or after they had defeated IT in the first movie but i interpreted it as after and if thats the case... hes supposed to be dead. but now thinking back on it, it was probably just more scenes before they put pennywise to rest for 27 years.

• young richie went to the kissing bridge after that and we ALL KNOW WHAT HAPPENED THERE. fucking.. r + e :((( although we don’t see him carving the E. but reddie is canon so suck toes antis

• stephen king pretty much being like “I know u and ur endings really do suck” to bill when he comes to buy his bike was so fucking funny. it almost felt like a self insert lmfao. ALSO HIM MAKING BILL PAY 300 BUCKS FOR THE BIKE BC HE KNEW HE COULD AFFORD IT? iconic.

• richie and eddie opening the door to the dog had me laughing. pennywise was just mocking them at that point. they’d be such good dog dads and now im sad

• i was really confused because they added part of stan’s bar mitzvah?? like it wasn’t even the same from the first movie. like they should’ve just put the deleted scene in from ch. 1 and then added that part. thats one of my very few complaints. im slowly hiding them in here.

• henry bowers was kinda irrelevant in this honestly but thank you eddie for stabbing him and richie for killing him for trying to kill mike yall heroes

• BEVS BLOOD SCENE ?? CORRESPONDING WITH BENS BURIED ALIVE SCENE? poetic cinema. 10/10

• the big fight really disappointed me in all honesty. but i think thats because andy said he cut so much from there. i expect it to be better with the director’s cut

• eddie saving richie and then immediately being stabbed by pennywise’s claw? IM DEPRESSED.

• “Rich! rich, i did it! i think i killed him!” Our boy was so happy with himself :(

• eddie’s last words WERE NOT “i fucked your mom”. he was talking to richie and you can hear them talking while the rest are preparing to end pennywise. so im hoping we get that as a deleted scene.

• richie goes back to help finish pennywise but when he goes to check on eddie.. he’s dead. ://// and bev is like “richie, come on, honey.. im sorry” and richie does not want to believe him. he grabs and hugs eddie so tight i swear i could feel that hug from the audience.

• another thing im disappointed in and am sliding in is some of the animations? Like. fucking weird. but okay. luckily i didn’t care too much.

• THE SOB that richie lets out when he holds eddie really hurt my fucking soul jesus christ just kill me

• the losers try cheering him up after and like. thats their friend too but you can just totally tell he’s crying in a different type of grief. THAT WAS HIS FIRST FUCKING LOVE.

• they all remember after and thats really important to me okay

• stan writes letters and its spoken outloud while the other losers get little montages of what theyre doing with their life after the battle. Richie goes back to the kissing bridge and recarves- YES RECARVES AND YOU CAN CLEARLY SEE THE E BEFORE HE DOES- he recarves the E and while doing it, stan’s voice says “be proud of who you are” and im fucking cry ibg okay

• in the end, i give this movie a 7/10 rating. although some of the animations were weird and some of the flashbacks had pennywise in it (like hes supposed to be currently dead but ok... maybe nightmares??) the actors were PHENOMENAL and the chemistry between older richie and older eddie made me so happy. my ship is canon. but im still sad about stan and eddies death.

• ignoring canon in 3.. 2.. 1.. now

#it chapter 2 #it chapter two spoilers #IT CHAPTER TWO #it chapter 2 spoilers #IT SPOILERS #reddie #richie tozier #eddie kaspbrak #bill denbrough #mike hanlon #beverly marsh #ben hanscom #stanley uris

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nami-writes · 4 years ago

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Home - Detroit: Become Human

i wanted to write something so i put my playlist on shuffle and the first song that played was waving through a window (yes from dear evan hansen) so obviously i wrote about connor! there are a few references to the song in this too bc i couldn’t resist lmao. enjoy connor struggling with the concept of home

The first night after the revolution was the worst.

A few androids left after the revolution was a success. They returned to their former loving owners, now their family, or just went to start a new life for themselves as free people.

Most of the androids returned back to the abandoned church. At least, most of the ones that survived. They were the ones that had nowhere to go. No place they could call home, no people they could call family. They were the ones that had joined Jericho early on, when it was nothing but a few dozen barely-functioning androids living in a broken down ship who were there because nobody else wanted them, or joined Jericho the latest, the ones most lost and confused and unsure of what to do because there’s nobody to tell them.

Connor went with them.

He wasn’t sure why, really. He was sure Hank was waiting for him with Sumo, probably freaking out at Connor being involved in the revolution on TV and possibly being hurt, but entirely willing to welcome him home regardless.

Home.

Could that be considered his home?

The idea had been foreign to him before Hank. Which... wasn’t very long, considering the majority of his lifetime had been spent accompanying him on investigations, but the word still left an odd feeling in his chest. Cyberlife had been home, or something similar, at least. The police station had been home. Now, Jericho was home.

Would Hank be home?

definition of home

/hōm/ noun

the place where one lives permanently,

especially as a member of a family or household.

Family.

That word left a similar feeling in his chest. And to think of Hank as family...

He could almost say he wanted it.

No, that was wrong. He did want it. But could an android be part of a family?

Could he be part of a family?

But how could he be?

He didn’t belong with Hank and Sumo. He was an android, a deviant. Hank was still dealing with Cole’s death, making himself his responsibility would only worsen his stress. He couldn’t be part of his family.

He didn’t even feel part of Jericho, despite also being a deviant. In fact, he felt like he was still part of the other side. The humans’ side. He felt like he still hadn’t proven himself, hadn’t yet shown he was truly trying to help.

He felt like he still wasn’t enough.

Like he hadn’t done enough.

Logically, he knew he had. Logically, he knew he’d been the one to recruit over half of Jericho’s current numbers and defeat Cyberlife indefinitely.

But still, some part of him nagged at him, reminding him how he’d been known as the infamous deviant hunter. He’d signaled for the destruction of Daniel, he’d caused the HK400 to self-destruct, he’d led the humans to Jericho. All of it had been his fault, still was his fault, would always be his fault.

It had taken the lives of two androids and risking the lives of too many more for him to realize he’d been wrong.

Would he ever be more than the deviant hunter everyone knew him as?

When he saw Rupert, the Tracis, and the AX400, he’d been filled with shame. He’d put all of them into life-threatening situations and nearly got one of them killed. And for what? To accomplish his mission? To mark off another task on his to-do list? To satisfy Amanda and save himself at their expense?

He was surrounded by deviants, his supposed people, but it felt like he was miles away from them. He felt nowhere near as deserving of freedom as they all were. Every strange look in his general direction made him think they recognized him, they knew him, they knew he was the deviant hunter, they were going to throw him out or kill him because they knew.

He didn’t belong in Jericho alongside Markus. He didn’t belong anywhere. He should’ve just let himself fail and be deactivated if it meant he could save the lives of the androids he’d caused the deaths of.

It would’ve been better for everybody.

Markus noticed Connor sitting by himself in a pew, his face buried in his hands, and approached him. “Connor? Are you okay?”

Connor looked up at him, slightly startled to see him when the sudden question pulled him out of his thoughts. “Yes, I’m... I’m okay. I’m fine.”

“You don’t look fine.” He took the seat beside him. “What’s wrong? Do you have nowhere to go?”

“No, I do, it’s just that I...” He trailed off, reconsidering answering him. What would he think about what Connor’s done? He didn’t want to be thrown out and lose what little he had left.

But what did it matter if he was thrown out? He would deserve it after all he’s done.

“...I’m sorry.” He couldn’t think of anything else to say, so he apologized. Partially for having been such a terrible person before he deviated, and partially for putting his burdens on him. He would only admit one of those, though.

“Sorry? Why are you sorry?” Markus asked, this time with a look of genuine confusion and concern. “You have nothing to be sorry about.”

He wanted to say he had everything to be sorry about, but decided against it. “I just... I was a—a terrible person before I deviated, and—“

“No, don’t be sorry for that,” Markus interrupted. “That isn’t you anymore. You didn’t know any better. None of it was your fault.”

“All of it was my fault,” he said. “You don’t understand. I hurt so many people. I got so many people killed. I just...” He sighed and dropped his gaze. “Maybe it’d be best for everyone if I left.”

Markus looked shocked and almost offended, even, and Connor immediately felt a pang of guilt. “Connor, no. You belong here. You can go find a home for yourself, but you’ll always have a place here. You’re one of us now. Your past doesn’t change that.”

“The AX400. Rupert. The Tracis,” Connor began. “I chased down all of them and risked all of their lives.” He swallowed hard, but forced himself to say it. “I made the AX400 cross a busy highway with her child. I chased Rupert across a moving train. I fought and almost shot the Tracis.” He wanted to disappear on the spot, but he couldn’t, so instead he did the closest thing to it. “I’m sorry. I-I should go.” Despite the voices in his head telling him how pathetic he was to be unable to own up to his misdeeds and face him, he stood up and went to leave.

Markus grabbed his arm and Connor braced himself to be chewed out, or maybe even assaulted. It’d be understandable, after all. “I know.”

He stopped. Of all possible responses, he hadn’t expected that. “What?”

Markus gave a half-relieved chuckle. “Connor, they’re the ones who told me.” He pulled Connor back into his seat with a reassuring smile. “When you showed up and joined Jericho, they each came up to me and vouched for you. They thought I was going to kill you or kick you out, so they defended you. But they told me different stories than what you said.”

“They... defended me?”

He nodded. “Kara, the AX400, said you didn’t go after her on the highway, even though you had the chance to. Rupert told me you stopped chasing him to help your partner. The Tracis both saw you get a clean shot at one of them, and then lower your gun.” His voice softened. “You can be a good person, Connor. You are a good person. Kara didn’t seem very favorable of you, but she still felt the need to vouch for you. Hell, Rupert actually told me he didn’t like you because you were hunting deviants but he thought you could learn to be better. And I’m pretty sure it was the Tracis’ idea to vouch for you in the first place.”

“I...”

I don’t deserve this.

“...I don’t know what to say.”

“Then don’t say anything. But you are more than what you think you are,” he said. “You deserve to be here just as much as anyone else here does.” He gave him one last supportive smile before standing up. “Jericho is your home, and we are your family. It’s up to you whether or not you want to find your own.”

Connor watched as Markus walked away, then remembered what he’d been thinking about prior to their conversation.

He hadn’t been sure if he could have a home or have Hank be his family.

He still wasn’t sure if he could have that, but he knew he wanted it.

The next morning, Connor found him waiting for him outside of his house. Hank noticed him and turned to give him a smile with Sumo laying at his feet.

He returned it.

Hank took a few hesitant steps forward. Sumo followed.

Then he grabbed Connor’s shoulder and pulled him into a hug, closing the distance between them as Sumo padded around them.

meaning of home

home means an enjoyable, happy place,

where you can live, laugh and learn. it’s somewhere

where you are loved, respected, and cared for.

This had to be it.

This had to be home.

#writing #fanfic #one shot #dbh #dbh connor #dbh fanfic

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violetarks · 4 years ago

Text

Sakusa Hate Night?? (tw suicide, tw homophobia)

Im sorry, but why is sakusa hate night a thing? And why are tsukishima and sakusa suddenly homophobic and racist (and maybe more idk i havent been on hq drama, since there really isnt any until now)??

I didn't know people actually push their headcanons about bad traits/toxicity onto characters that some people like. I know that some people justify this as "having fun making headcanons with other people" or just "making jokes", but yknow we watch the anime bc we enjoy it. Just like how we enjoy the characters in the show.

Personally, hearing these things said about sakusa (and some tsukki) is kind of hurting me? And possibly others?? And some people are like "all the tumblrs replying and going against sakusa hate night all have x reader stuff" but like... I dont see whats wrong with that?

Maybe thats bc im more of a sfw blog, but yknow i really like these characters. Im pretty sure its canon that these characters are all over 18+ (except like hinata's lil sis and those characters that appeared as kids in the few few volumes) since the manga has ended with hinata being like 22 or something. Idk how it works in the nsfw side of anime tumblr, but i personally find it acceptable if they are adults? As long as it is canon by the author and written as canon/in the time when they are adults.

Maybe we're "childish" for imagining things with these fictional characters, but other people are imagining these fictional characters being homophobes, racists and such. I understand that its not real. Neither is what we're writing about y/n. But yknow, we all try to write stuff that can make others and especially ourselves feel safe. Sometimes headcanons and such can stem off of personal struggles and what they have experienced themselves, and sometimes not.

You can say that it comes from their own expense and that they are making the jokes off of themselves. But i seriously dont understand why you would. I dont think believing or pushing the idea of being homophobic, racist and anything else like that, onto characters/things apart of something many people including yourself enjoy. They are fictional but we all have ideas on these characters. And feelings about them too.

Ngl, i kinda felt really bad about the things people have said about sakusa. That he'd hate me if he found out i was a part of the lgbtq+ community. I find him as a good character and an interesting one at that. He might not be my favourite, but i really like sakusa. So reading the bad things people have headcanon for him makes me think that sakusa really wouldnt like me. (ofc he wouldnt like how messy my room is, but yknow)

Yes he is a fictional character and what we say about him may not be canon. But the fandom is a place for people who enjoy the show to come together and find each other to share interests. Not a place for people to hate on each other and their comfort characters.

People can have opinions and say what they want to. But keep it mind that you're responsible for what you do say online and in person or private. If a person feels a certain way by something you say, it's because they interpreted it in their own way. You have started those feelings because of what you did. I'm not saying it's your fault for them feeling upset or mad, but i am saying that something you said has triggered this to come to surface.

You can tell us that they understood it wrong or that they're being sensitive, but everyone's feelings are valid. Whether it's over their character they see themselves in, or over the fact that you told someone to do something just cruel. If it's a joke, don't take it so much farther than it needs to be. It doesn't need to be at your own expense, and i really don't think it should be. If you think they are sensitive, block them from your blogs.

People can be upset about different things. Adults or not, they cry.

Both parties have something they have done wrong. If it was a night for your mutuals and anyone who wants to join in to partake in seriously, then perhaps you could've made a discord server or something (idk if you did, sorry) and not put it in a public area. But also, no one has the right to tell people they don't belong on this earth and should just die. Everyone is here. Now we have to accept it.

So be careful of what you say.

I am not going to look on the blogs/follow the blogs that support creating this kind of material on tumblr. I will also not send hate to them or interact, and i hope they do not with me. If they do, i want to say that i am sorry for everything that has been thrown at you. That 14-year-old that got death threats thrown at them, the people being called 'homophobes', 'racists' and so on for the headcanons youve created. No matter what, nobody should be told to off themself or that they arent supportive of things that they actually might be.

Please be careful online. Especially when talking about such a large subject.

#violet talks #tw suicide #tw homophobia #sakusa hate club??#i'm sorry that this has happened to everyone involved

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ssaalexblake · 5 years ago

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" #13 is already scary club!!!!! #she's just more emotionally mature than men 1 through 12" THIS, I am fully into this and agree!

Yeah, I mean, the first run through of season 11 I ended up focusing more on her chipper side, so I deliberately watched out for anger and personality faults on my second go through, and really, it’s all there in Whittaker’s performance. Especially in Resolution, which isn’t surprising considering what the bad guy was, it was also, strictly speaking, the first proper barometer we’ve had to measure thirteen’s reaction to something we’ve seen the other doctors react to.

I just have a lot of very jumbled thoughts about the actual narrative, where i think they’re going with this, and kind of… Weariness?? At the logic behind wanting a ‘snap’ from 13 just to prove she’s angry?? I ended up using this as an excuse to vent stuff i’ve been trying to say but am bad at putting into words, oops.

I mean, 13 was Clearly not in a good mood over that Dalek. Compare her reaction to seeing Tim Shaw again to seeing the Dalek again and that’s brutally obvious. She blatantly mocked Tooth face, and regarded him so little that she just marched off away from him and pretty much forgot entirely about him while trying to put those planets back where they came from, even After she realises that Tim Shaw pretty much slaughtered the inhabitance of a handful of entire planets she still totally disregards him.

Which, frankly, is kind of terrifying in itself considering what he did to (potentially) many billions of people, and says a lot about the doctor’s view on casualty counts, but not currently my point. In the end, she doesn’t even end up doing a single thing about him, and just leaves him in the stasis pod that it’s Very unlikely anybody will come across ever again considering the planet messes with the brains of whoever walks on it, even time lords!

Aaaaaand compare and contrast to Resolution, 13′s entire frame of mind in the whole episode was in crisis mode, she did not let it get one over on her, but she was Clearly incredibly more worked up in this episode, which, contrasting with the previous ep, is kind of jarring.

She’s erratic, frantic, at times perversely entertained, accidentally changed the entire tardis colour scheme to red in a fit of temper, takes out time more than once to taunt the dalek (and uhm.. she does this and it gets away and the next scene is of it slaughtering a bunch of soldiers), oh… And that thing where Ryan’s dad was like, about to get spaced and die horribly with the dalek and she just froze and did absolutely nothing about it. I mean, in the same episode she controls the tardis with a clap of her hands… which i will assume was just her doing it telepathically and being weird about it, which means she really doesn’t get to use ‘well i was holding on myself’ excuse to get out of That one, and this is among other things which i’m sure i’ve forgotten.

More importantly, i can trace the above things back to moments in previous episodes, like, perverse glee??? Demons of the Punjab. Anger??? King James just had that effect on her even when he Wasn’t actively being a sexist asshole, she didn’t like him hitting too close to home. Threatening? Kerblam’s ‘if i ever find out you’re lying’. Taunting? she legit taunts Krasko into straight up throttling her. Sacrifice one for the good of the many? Kerblam, you could easily view Charlie as her first proper kill. It all has roots, didn’t come from nowhere.

I’ve spoken before about how she’s deliberately tempering her anger, and how it all roots back to ‘laugh hard, run fast, be kind’, but i feel like that’s kinda made it seem to people that she’s not scary just because she’s not being openly ostentatious about it?? When in actuality she’s just performing intense amounts of emotional labour in a genuine effort to improve herself, and it’s not gender based because canonically this utter disaster had no clue how lousy they’d been to their female companions or anybody else until some very blunt life lessons… in an episode in the back half of the season, so canonically we legit Can’t write her previous behaviour off on any kind of female socialization.

And while I feel like we are heading to 13 crashing and burning, you know, figuratively (but she’s still the doctor so i won’t rule out a 50% chance of literal crashing and burning), bottling isn’t a super idea either and she’s probably going to combust, i’m justminorly uncomfortable with the insinuation that the base line of all anger is the explosive outbursts the doctor is prone to. I’m not against her snapping and having a classic doctor outburst, pretty sure that’s where they’re heading because she’s slowly but surely gradually losing ground with the image she’s trying to project and the only time we’ve already seen her called on it (king james) she… Did not react positively.

I just have issues with the insinuation that to be the doctor she has to act out their worst qualities when we can see them in her clearly without her doing so just to Prove she’s the doctor. She’s already angry and arrogant, it’s there in the show, it’s just… Angry outbursts aren’t good? And having the storyline framed around her snapping actively being scary and bad for both her and others is more where my head is at, I think i feel like this is where it’s going, for it to be a breaking down moment rather than framed as something liberating, i just don’t feel comfortable with the grandeur surrounding it potentially happening in a liberating fashion.

I mean, from a gendered perspective, women having to temper reasonable anger is bad and oppressive and i understand the bad optics of it and wanting it it happen for the very reason of avoiding that, but also? Men Not having to bother to temper violent angry outbursts is also an awful thing on the list of shitty things about patriarchy, but that doesn’t just mean everybody should be able to have angry violent outbursts, it means nobody should, it’s not about stooping, it means work on self improvement if you do do this and stop, not ‘hey everybody gets a free pass to be an explosive scary jerk’.

The discussion around this all often makes me uncomfortable in the ways we treat violence and anger. I’m not a fan of loud/cold/threatening outburst kinda people, real or fictional, which is probably why my favourite Who characters are almost never the doctor. But I Do recognise they’re finally making an effort these days, and I do recognise and appreciate it in 13 and it makes me like her a lot more than a number of the other doctors. They’ve reached a stage where they’re actually working on it, methods aside, i respect that I can see all of the doctor’s questionable qualities within her but i can also see some kind of attempt to actively work on them. That is laudable.

I mean, ok, maybe Not the best story to go with after 12+ men and suddenly one woman, but it Did start with 12 and Capaldi whose presence bought age and wisdom to it, Whittaker is just following the thread, really. It also Probably wasn’t purposeful that it ended up like this??? Considering new management and writers etc etc, but i also very much feel like s11 was a groundwork season and even in that i can see the fascade slipping away episode by episode, in resolution she even tells them one of her deepest shames, at the time with little context, but if any of them think back on it, they’ll Understand.

(disclaimer: I don’t have anything against anybody who wants a snap (if written well, i would also enjoy it, i like angst), i just have an issue with our cultural relation to violence in certain circumstances and this narrative kind of creeps towards the idea that if you’ve had outbursts before that you can’t stop yourself the next time and I don’t like that as a message, i don’t dislike any of the doctors, i just like the companions Significantly more 90% of the time, and yes i would very much like to be able to show anger as a woman without being demeaned for it, but there is a difference between being looked down upon for being justifiably angry, and thinking it’s ok to let your anger take control of you and scare others. Also: Not all emotional labour is bad, i have to write this bc i’m publishing on tumblr so yeah. )

#danni watches doctor who #this Got Away From Me #and u didn't even ask a question im sorry lol #also #all i can think of abotu her trying to return those planets in the finale #is the monsters inc 'put that thing back where it came from or so help me'#and her doing the little dance #oops?#aaaand i added a disclaimer bc the last time i wrote an opinion on this show i got rudeness #and the time before that actually #but honestly i think it's gonna start caving round her ears soon #me: i can't wait!!!#also me: don't hurt me Or them Chibnall they're perfect angels who don't deserve it #i hate publishing opinions on this site but also i'm sick of the frame of mind #that means i don't so i'm #publishing #doctor who #also i feel like this would have more meaning if i'd Watched the end of 12's run instead of just read about it all #i don't have binge watch kind of time #tho

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to-write-ornah · 6 years ago

Text

Not So Happy Birthday part 2

A/n: hey guys, happy new year! So, this part has been rewritten wayyyyy to many times but it's finally done!! I'm actually rly excited, and this will probably be a series until it's done-done. ALSO! This is part two, technically, but I'm making the next part 2.5 because Tumblr has this great thing called '100 paragraph limit' (I will be salty about this till the day I die) so hopefully I'll get that up today or tomorrow. Also, next part is gonna sum up what the deal is with her parents and her brother (I've put off saying her brothers name for the weirdest reason so don't judge but it'll be in the next part okay) I also apologize bc (to me at least) my writing seems a bit off. Oh well. alright I'm done rambling ENJOY

Warnings: minor character death, blood and bruising, maybe fluff if you squint

________________

You'd been riding with Sweet Pea for over two hours now. The train tracks had been on your left up until about twenty minutes ago, when they split away from the road making way for the forest. You passed a red painted post on the side of the road several miles back, officially marking the end of Ghoulie territory. The road you were on was public, but nobody in their right mind would take it unless it was necessary. The only reason you were on it now was because this was the road your dad had been on with your little brother two days ago. He'd been so excited to go on a supply run with your dad, you hadn't been able to tell him no. And now they had both disappeared. Dropped off the radar the day befor. You tried to keep your thoughts calm as you and Sweet Pea simultaneously slowed down to round a sharp curve in the road. You grimaced as your jean clad knee grazed the pavement before your bike righted. Ahead of you, Sweet Pea glanced back to make sure you were okay before suddenly slowing and turning his bike sharply. You slowed almost to a stop.

'See something,' he signed, prompting you to turn your bike around as well. You followed him to just before the curve where a patch of bushes had been run flat and tire marks scorched a small portion of the road. You hadn't seen it at all coming from the other direction, and it would have been easy to miss entirely. You stopped your bike beside Sweet Pea's, dismounting and removing your helmet as he did the same. You started down into the foliage, flipping your hearing aids on in time to catch the last bit of Pea's sentence.

"..should really wait and call someone." He was saying. You rolled your eyes.

"It took us over two hours to get here, Pea. By the time the others get here it might be too late or there's nothing here, and we would've wasted everyone's time. We're gonna at least go check it out." You heard him sigh heavily behind you before following you off the road and into the shrubs. The undergrowth was flattened out, almost like a path, about twenty feet ahead. At the end, it split in two directions. The path to the left was narrower and more overgrown, and the right path was wide, flat, and seemed to go farther. Sweet Pea spoke first.

"I got right, you go left. If you don't find anything, meet back here in ten. Got it?" You made a small noise of agreement as you headed down your desegnated path.

'Of course Sweet Pea took the easy path,' you thought in slight annoyance.

Ten minutes of weaving around trees and almost falling over multiple times brought you back to the fork in the bushes as you waited for Sweet Pea. Not even a minute later he came up the path, his face set in a hard scowl.

"Hey, what happened, what did you fi-"

"Lets go," he cut you off, grabbing your arm and pulling you back toward the road.

"Sweet Pea! Stop! What did you find? Let go of me!" You struggled against his grip, but couldn't get out of it. He was a lot stronger than you, and he was dead set on getting you to the road. You twisted suddenly and managed to slip your arm through his hold. You turned and darted back down the path.

"Y/n!" You heard Sweet Pea chasing after you, encouraging you to run faster. The path suddenly dropped off to a shallow cliff with a ravine at the bottom.

You froze as you took in the scene below you. On the floor below you was your dads jacket, three bloody holes through the back. And that was your dad.

Sweet Pea caught up to you just as you hit your knees. He knelt down beside you and pulled you against him. You gripped his jacket as sobs racked your body. You were never close to your dad, but you'd just seen his body, literally dead in a ditch. You were in shock.

"Hey, sweetheart, this is why I didn't want you to see this." Pea soothed. "And I'm sorry you did. We should call the others, get back home." You shook your head, wiping the tears from your face and standing up.

"No. We need to find him." Sweet Pea gave you a sad look, which you ignored. "His body isn't here, he might be hiding, or maybe he tried walking back, or-"

"Y/n," Pea tried, but you ignored him. You had already started down the shallow cliff, and he knew you weren't gonna drop this. If your brother wasn't alive, then like hell you were gonna stop looking.

"I'm gonna call Toni and Fangs, okay? Hopefully they're gonna bring some people to come get your dad." You gave an absent 'okay' as you started searching for your brother, keeping well away from your dads body.

Once Sweet Pea was done calling your friends he joined you, albeit halfheartedly. He knew you were desperate to find him, but he also knew that you weren't going to. Whoever had killed your dad had either killed your brother too, or taken him. But he knew he wouldn't be able to get you to stop, so he joined you. Fangs and Toni were stuck in some meeting set up by the mayor in an attempt to fix the relationship between the Southside and the Northside, so they wouldn't be able to get there for a while. So for the next four hours, you and Sweet Pea looked for your brother. You had probably covered almost a miles worth of forest around your dads body, even hitting the train tracks at one point.

It was starting to get dark by the time reality hit you. Your brother was gone. Your dad was dead. You couldn't protect anyone anymore. You stared blankly at the tree in front of you before tears started rolling down your cheeks. Emotions bubbled up inside you. Anger, frustration, sadness, rage. You let out a scream as your fists hit the rough bark of the tree. You hit it over and over again. Scream, hit, breath, scream, hit, breath. You felt warm blood run down your fingers, felt the bones in your hands shift uncomfortably, but you didnt feel any real pain, so you continued. A pair of strong arms suddenly wrapped around you, pulling you away from the now bloody tree, and holding you as you thrashed against him.

"Let me go!" You demanded, voice slightly warped by tears. "Sweet Pea I swear, let me go right now!"

"Shhh, it's okay. It's gonna be okay," Sweet Pea held you as you slowly lowered your arms, and he felt your body relax. Your angry breathing was replaced by soft crying.

"It's my fault, Pea. I let him go. It's my fault." He shook his head.

"No, it's not. Come on, let's go get you cleaned up. The others should be here soon."

He held onto you the entire way up to your bikes. Making you sit on yours, he rummaged through your saddlebag until he found a water bottle and some bandannas.

"Can I use these?" He held up the old cloth and you nodded. He gently grabbed your right hand and you hissed. You hadn't realized how badly you'd hurt yourself until now. He tried to be careful as he rinsed off your injuries and wrapped the makeshift bandages around your hands. He finished just as a group of motorcycles and a few cars came around the bend in the road, stopping near you. Sweet Pea went to talk to them, leaving you to sit on your bike.

You felt numb. Your little brother was gone, your dad was dead. That officially made you an orphan. You grimaced at the thought. You were almost seventeen, so at least you'd be able to take care of your brother. If you ever found him. You were snapped out of your train of negative thoughts by Sweet Pea gently placing his hand on your shoulder.

"Wanna go home?" You nodded quickly, reaching for your helmet but stopping as you realized you couldn't pick it up, much less put it on. Sweet Pea offered you a soft smile, picking up your helmet and securing it to your head. He nodded toward his bike, and you understood. Following him over to it, you sat down behind him and gingerly placed your hands around his torso as he started the bike. A few minutes later and you were headed back to the Southside of Riverdale.

______________

The ride home was quite. Sweet Pea stopped at the first gas station he found to fuel up and grab some food. He persuaded you to eat a small granola bar and drink some water, then got back on the road. It was dark by the time you got back to the trailer park. The first thing Sweet Pea did was get the emergency kit from under the sink and clean out your hands. With the light from the trailer, you could actually see how bad it was. The skin along your knuckles was split open, and the surrounding skin was mottled with blood. Once Sweet Pea had washed the blood away, you could see dark bruises beginning to form around the cuts. He held your wrists as he poured hydrogen peroxide over your hands, which made you hiss and try to pull away.

"Almost done." He murmured quietly. It only took him a few more minutes to wrap up your hands and help you get out of your dirty clothes. Once you were washed up and ready, Sweet Pea helped you to bed. He adjusted the heat in your trailer before he pulled the covers up around your shoulders. He started toward the door, but you called out to him.

"Sweets?"

"Yeah babydoll?" He turned back.

"I don't wanna be alone."

He smiled softly and you couldn't quite understand his expression. He gently shut the door to your room and walked toward the bed. He sat on the edge of it and took off his boots before standing and removing his jacket. He stripped down to his tee shirt and boxers, then crawled into bed next to you. Weapping his arm around your waist, he gently pulled you into him. You let out a small sigh as you began to drift off. Your last conscious thought was how good Sweet Pea smelled. You must have said that out loud, because you fell asleep to the sound of him chuckling.

____________

Sweet Pea helped you get ready the next morning. Shower, brushing your hair, getting dressed. You felt completely overwhelmed not knowing what to do or how to find your brother, and you voiced your concerns to Sweet Pea during breakfast.

"Well, what can you do?" He asked, pouring milk into your bowl of cereal.

"Tell Jughead I'm a Serpent," you responded immediately. "I feel so bad that I haven't told him. He's my best friend, and he still has no idea. If I can't help find my brother, telling Jug about that is something I can do."

Sweet Pea nodded, finishing his cereal and taking his bowl to the sink.

"I'll take you if you wanna go see him. But we've also gotta go by the Wyrm later. They wanna know if you've got any idea who killed your dad." You laughed humorlessly.

"Of course I do. You do too; everyone does. The question is, are they gonna do something about it." Sweet Pea nodded, drying his dishes then coming back for yours.

"Whenever you're ready to go."

______

You texted Jughead, and he said he could meet at Pops at noon. At eleven forty five, Sweets drove you across the tracks to the diner.

You dismounted the bike, turning to Sweet Pea for help with your helmet. He unfastened it and secured it to his bike before laughing at your messed up hair.

"Just fix it please," you rolled your eyes but your tone betrayed your humor. He ran his hands through your hair, smoothing it out.

"Good luck." He said seriously. "I'm gonna be at the Wyrm. Just call me when you're done and I'll come get you, okay?" You nodded.

"Okay."

He leaned up and pressed a kiss to your cheek, making you blush slightly. He grinned.

"See you later, babydoll."

You shook your head as he started his bike and drove off. Turning toward the front door of Pops, you took a deep breath. You gently shoved your hands into the pockets of your oversized jacket and stepped inside.

____

Tag List:

@chipster-21 @wishingforahome

#sweet pea #sweet pea x reader #riverdale x reader #riverdale fic #riverdale #southside serpents #riverdale southside #jughead jones #toni topaz #fangs fogarty

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omorainbow · 6 years ago

Text

wassup everyone, here’s my absolutely garbage r/fa omorashi headcanons that nobody asked for or wanted (under the cut)

ze/n

he has nearly supernatural healing abilities so i feel like he’d also have super efficient kidneys

honestly probably has the smallest bladder capacity in the rf/a lmao rip

(he canonically was shocked that se/ven and yo/osung hadn’t gone to the bathroom for three hours while watching a tv show.... honey, do you think that’s a long time?!)

wetting himself onstage would be his worst nightmare; he’s probably leaked up there a few times but never actually wet

the second worst thing that could happen to him would be wetting in front of j/umin- i think ju/min wouldn’t do much except either a. make a few snarky remarks about wetting yourself being unusual for an adult or b. actually attempt (with a 100 percent chance of failing, seeing as it’s jumi/n) to be ....considerate.... about it, depending on how upset z/en seemed, but either way ze/n would get mad. there’d be some tension in the r/fa chatroom for a while lol

despite his machismo he’d actually probably be a huge baby about wetting himself lmao. he needs a lot of comfort afterwards (specifically from you)

absolutely 0% into omo imo, he’d try it for m/c’s sake if she were into it tho

yoosun/g:

tends to overestimate his holding capacity... would definitely put off going to the toilet if he was gaming (or when he sits down to study)

at the same time, he gets very whiny if circumstances (rather than his own choice) force him into holding. expect this boy to come whining in the r/fa chatroom if he’s ever stuck somewhere without a bathroom

if he drinks coffee it’s over for him

(pass out after drinking caffeine syndrome? more like piss yourself after drinking caffeine syndrome-)

has definitely had close calls during exams from overloading on coffee before, but he never learns

if he wets himself in front of anyone, he’d be as embarrassed as you’d expect and probably cry a bit (though he’d try to suppress it because he feels he’s already made himself look childish enough), but with some gentle comfort he’d get over it surprisingly quickly (expect him to get indignant if/when sev/en teases him later tho lol)

probably the worst thing that could happen to him is wetting in front of v (while wetting in class is a close second). this would be a disaster for everyone involved.

(v: it’s alright y/oosung, please let me help you)

(yoosu/ng (in tears): SHUT UP I DON’T NEED PITY FROM THE LIKES OF YOU)

(v: you’re right. i’m sorry. this is all my fault-)

definitely into holding for m/c (for reasons that are probably obvious to anyone who played his route lmao)

ja/ehee (my love)

jum/in probably doesn’t realize how often normal humans need bathroom breaks so after years of working for him she’s probably in the habit of holding for long periods of time

honestly tho, if she’s passed out from being overworked, she’s DEFINITELY wet herself from it

i imagine she’d get up and go when she absolutely had to, but if something came up on her way there she might not make it rip

also a coffee lover... doesn’t really pace herself with caffeine, make of that what you will

if she wet herself at work, she’d just die. her coworkers already don’t respect her, and her job is hard enough... jum/in would probably allow her to go home but also would complain in the chatroom about it

ju/min: “It’s very difficult to work without Assistant K/ang here. She had to leave due to an accident.”

m/c: “oh no, an accident? is jae/hee okay?”

jumi/n: “I am sure she will be fine. Wetting oneself does not usually pose a risk to one’s health.”

ze/n: immediately fights ju/min

as there’s nothing to be done for it, she’d downplay how upset she was and probably find wetting more of an inconvenience than anything. that being said she’d deeply appreciate it if m/c gave her some comfort

omo is probably a deeply hidden guilty pleasure for her, she’d only try it if m/c suggested it but i feel she might really enjoy it in specific circumstances

jum/in

very strong bladder capacity

would show no signs of being desperate except maybe a few tells like idk, occasionally fidgeting? the only people who’d pick up on these are people who know him very well (meaning like... v and m/c lol)

if he did wet himself, i think he’d show absolutely no emotion. once again, only someone who knew him very well would be able to tell he was actually upset

for most people, comforting him would be pretty difficult and probably a nightmare for both parties lmao

i think he’d be more accepting of it from you tho

it’s hard to write for him, bc i feel like situations in which he’d be desperate are rare

that being said, if he gets drunk enough (which is rare, seeing how his tolerance has built over the years) he might get to the point where he stops caring and just starts peeing. of course he’ll realize halfway through that this may not be a great idea, but it’s usually too late at that point lmao

he’s definitely into omo lol

seve/n

high bladder capacity

that being said, also fucking terrible at self care (... they all are tbh but se/ven is the worst about it) and if he was working, he may not notice he needs to piss until he’s on the verge of wetting and he just doubles over at his desk like. swearing and wondering how tf he didn’t notice he had to go before

definitely has been too busy to get up for a bathroom break, usually would just piss in a bottle/can of phd pepper (i’m sure he’s got empty ones lying around his workstation)

if he didn’t he’d probably just piss himself right there as he continued to work and miserably resolve to clean it later

(vande/rwood, conveniently choosing this moment to drop by: damn, bitch, you live like this?)

seeing as he’s sleep deprived as hell, whenever he gets to sleep he probably sleeps like the dead, nothing able to wake him up... what i’m saying is he’s definitely had dreams where he was using the bathroom and woken up in the middle of wetting the bed

also probably into omo lbr. though he usually hates wetting, he likes doing it for m/c. he’s probably wet his maid uniform for fun

v (oh boy)

probably gets a nervous bladder

the least likely of the guys to just whip it out and go if he needed to

you know how everyone loves those characters who are too concerned about bothering others to mention they have to pee? that’s 100% v. you could keep asking him as he got progressively more antsy and he’d just keep insisting he was fine and that you shouldn’t worry. he might casually mention that he may possibly need a restroom, but isn’t super assertive or clear about it, so most people wouldn’t think it was a big deal (even though he’s dying on the inside)

he does get somewhat fidgety, adjusting his clothes and bouncing his leg, but it wouldn’t be obvious what the cause was; you’d just mistake it for nervousness. only people who know him well (such as jum/in or seve/n) would be able to figure it out

i honestly can’t decide what his number one worst scenario would be, but i think anything in public would be nearly traumatic for him. if he wet himself in front of the other r/fa members he’d just get real quiet and say he’s fine and that he’ll clean it himself, but in reality he’d be deeply upset

this makes comforting him all the more difficult, even when you’re trying to tell him it’s okay he’d probably just keep apologizing and telling you not to worry about him

probably not really into omo but would try it for m/c

#omorashi #judging by how long this is i clearly think way too much about this lmao #feel free to message me if you want to hear more about this (why would you want to tho lmao)

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seriouslyblacklikemysoul · 7 years ago

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Be mine, angel - Sirius Black x Reader

Request: Hey sweetie I just read your last Sirius writing and I got the idea of him x reader where she is the most wanted girl in the school but suprisingly doesn't attend the yull ball and Sirius (bc he loves her) then goes to her room and find her crying?💞💞💞💞 Warnings: swearing? a bit? My English. Pic isn’t mine. Credits to its original owner.

It was a bit annoying. Not that you weren’t enjoying it, but after a while it just became tiring. You had to decline an invitation to a date almost three times a day. Some of them were really persistent; They would ask you out almost every day just to receive a forced smile and a no, no thank you. You were known to be the female version on the school’s heartbreaker, but not exactly. You didn’t sleep around with everyone. Actually, you have never said yes to anyone. And that’s because you only wanted one person. That heartbreaker. His name was a synonym for one-night-stand and other even less complemental things. You, however, never gave a single sign that you were interested. You liked your heart whole and not in pieces, thank you very much. You were about to join the conversation that was held among your friends-more like Lily being overdramatic about James, but you understood her very well-when someone, a cute Hufflepuff, walked right in front of you. “Hello” you greeted him. You knew where the whole thing would lead but being rude to someone was not your thing. Well, not always. If anyone, anyone at all was all over your friends for any reason, you were fierce, like a tiger protecting her babies. It was just your nature. “Hello Y/N” he addressed you kindly. He was really cute, handsome even. There was one problem though. He wasn’t him. It would be really selfish of you to date people like understudies because you couldn’t have the one you wanted. It wasn’t fair. “Would you like to go out on a date with me? Hogsmeade maybe?” he asked you with hope burning in his eyes. You took a deep breath. It wasn’t exactly easy to decline everyone. “You are sweet. Thank you, really. But I have to say no. Sorry” you said sweetly, with a sympathetic smile. You really didn’t mean to hurt his feelings. He smiled back at you, a bit sad. “It’s okay. See you” he waved you goodbye while he was walking away. You hmphed. You hadn’t noticed that the guys were standing right behind you, having witnessed the whole scene. Therefore, when you turned around, expecting to find Lily and Marlene, you slightly jumped in surprise. “Hello, boys” you cooed. You wouldn’t admit, really, but you tried to flirt with him in a subtle way in every chance given. You all walked towards the Great Hall in order to eat breakfast. Yes, your first decline was before 8. It was going to be a big day. “Hello, love. Tell me something. How does it feel to break hearts?” Sirius asked you mockingly. You weren’t that innocent to drop it. “Why don’t you answer that yourself, love?” you said, emphasizing the last word, almost spelling it out loud, voice like honey. He smirked. Merlin, you loved that smirk of his. Just as every other girl. “Where have you been all my life?” he asked flirtily. That was just your thing. You would flirt with each other shamelessly but it would stop about there. “Hiding from you” you said in a fake sweet tone while you batted your eyelashes once and pierced his eyes with your look. The guys laughed but he wasn’t going to stop yet. Lily was eyeing you knowingly. You knew that she believed that you should stay away from him. In all honesty, you had tried it. And failed. Miserably. “Go on, don’t be shy, babe. Ask me out” he winked at you. You smiled innocently and played with a strand of your hair. “Okay” you answered while smiling wider. He was taken aback. You took a deep breath pretending to be stressed out. “Get out” you said, dropping the smile and the fake tone and showing him the exit. Marlene snorted. For a second, you thought that he looked hurt, but nah. “Padfoot, stop flirting. Let us eat breakfast in peace” Remus asked pleadingly. He was trying to read a book at the same time. You smiled apologizingly towards him. “I’m not flirting. I’m just being extra nice to someone who is extra attractive” Sirius informed him wiggling his eyebrows, causing Peter to choke on his porridge. For a while you ate in silence, secretly thanking Merlin. You poured some milk into your coffee, bringing to your lips, taking a sip. “I know milk does good for the body but damn girl, how much did you drink?”. You choked. He grinned triumphantly. You had learned that a Ball would take place here, in Hogwarts. Christmas Eve. Your days were getting more and more annoying. You couldn’t recall how many times you’ve had answered a simple ‘no’ because it was exhausting. And today was the day your heart broke, the day of the ball. You were sitting alongside Remus in the common room. He was reading a book and you were thinking and dozing off while staring at the fire. “I am going to the ball with Black!” Marlene exclaimed too happy to notice your strained face. It was like all air left your lungs. You wanted to be happy for her, but you couldn’t bring yourself to feel. Anything. Everything was such a blur. You were numb. You couldn’t believe you were so stupid to actually think he would ever look at you like that. But why Marlene? Why your friend? “Hey. Y/N! Aren’t you excited?” Lily asked you beaming herself. She had said yes to James. Everyone was happy. Happy. You took a deep breath and shook that word out of your mind. “I am! You girls have fun!” you said with a fake smile that only Remus got. He furrowed his eyebrows but soon his eyes widened momentarily as he probably came to the same realization you had, three years ago. He looked at you with the question burning in his eyes. You just nodded with the slightest movement. He wouldn’t sell you out. Thankfully nobody understood that you weren’t about to go. “Have fun Rem” you wished him as you stood up, leaving the common room, heading to your dorm. The girls were probably in Lily’s room so you would be alone. Remus tried to call you but you didn’t respond. You just kept going. Oh, Merlin. It was going be one hell of a night. In a very bad way. You could hear the giggles and the laughs. You could almost taste the sappy sappy romance. You could sense the tension between some couples. The sexual tension, that is. But you couldn’t see because of the tears. It had hit you. All those boys asking you out… they never truly liked you. They liked the way you looked. Looks fade fast. Not one… not even one had ever bothered to actually meet you. To talk to you. To befriend you. No one. They just wanted the body. But you weren’t a body. You were a soul, a mind, a heart, feelings, emotions, thoughts. A mess. A chaos. And no one could handle you. He may have stabbed you but you handed him the knife. You showed him where your weak spots are. This was your fault. You should have listened to Lily and stay away. Now it’s really too late. Too late. The door slammed open, revealing a rather worried Sirius. The day was getting better and better by the second. You hid your face in your palms. You were sitting on your bed, knees to your chest and- you were a mess. He closed the door behind him. You wanted to scream at him to get out, but your mouth wouldn’t obey. “What’s wrong love?” he asked you. He came closer, sat on the bed next to you. “Stop it. Please” you whispered. You couldn’t keep pretending. Him, calling you love? “Stop what love?”. His voice revealed concern. Why did he care? “CALLING ME LOVE” you snapped, tears staining your cheeks, lips trembling, hair falling out of your messy bun. You couldn’t stop now. “Stop calling me love. Flirting with me. Smirking. Laughing. Smiling. Touching me. Stop being in my life. Just stop. Go to Marlene and leave me alone” you whispered-yelled. You were sobbing. Hard. He was taken aback. “You’re jealous?” he asked indiscriminately but there was something more. “YES I AM JEALOUS! I am in love with you, you moron. I can’t stand the fact that you’re flirting and sleeping with everyone and that you are with Marls now. She is my friend, Sirius. My friend. Why her? You could any girl you wanted. Why her?”. The words flew before you could contain them. “Because I couldn’t have you. Or so I thought. Because of you, my reality is better than my dreams” he breathed out, voice low and sincere. He grabbed your legs, wrapped one of his arms around your waist, making you sit on his lap, straddling him. His other hand cupped your cheek, his thumb wiping off your tears away. He gripped your chin, forcing your head up. “Did you know there are 21 letters in the alphabet?” he asked you, with a playful smile. You blinked. “There are 26” you answered pouting. “Oh right I always forget U R A Q T”* he concluded and you cracked a smile. He beamed. “There it is. My favorite curve. Well…” he trailed off. He squeezed your bum and you let out a laugh. “Be mine, angel”. *U R A Q T= You are a cutie (just in case!)

#harry potter #harry potter imagine #sirius black #sirius black imagine #sirius black x reader #sirius black fanfiction #ben barnes as sirius #sirius black fluff #the marauders #marauders imagine #marlene mckinnon #marauders era #remus lupin #lily evans #james potter #harry potter fanfiction #fanfic #fanfiction #request

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spoonfulofsexy · 7 years ago

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Party Like A Stark

Peter Parker x Stark Reader

Part (6/6)

Part 1 Part 2 Part 3 Part 4 Part 5

Summary: Your 19th birthday party was a memorable one and maybe the best one yet. One of the best things that came out of the party was Peter. There’s definitely something budding between the two of you, but will it last?

Warnings: Cursing, angst, some violence, mention of past abuse, and SMUT!!!

Masterlist

AN: hey guys so this is the last chapter and it’s hella long! I stayed up till 3:40 AM to write this before I go on vacation tomorrow! I really hope you guys enjoy this chapter (also it’s quite long) bc I worked really hard and stayed up for this! Also I hope you enjoyed the mini fic! I know I definitely did! and for what you all have been waiting for, PETER PARKER SMUT!!

“Peter seriously, what were you thinking inviting her here?” The chatter started up again after you left, so Mj pulled him to the side.

Peter didn’t understand what had gotten into her. Mj did always have a strong opinion, but she usually kept to herself. “Mj what’s your problem? She wasn’t bothering anybody!��, Peter threw his hands out frustrated at his friend.

“She doesn’t belong here!” Peter looked around the room, not sure what she meant by that. Mj saw the puzzled look on his face and sighed because she had to explain. “(Y/N), isn’t like us! She was born rich, she’s never had to go through what us “nobody’s” have.”

“You don’t know what you’re talking about”, Peter rolled his eyes and crossed his arms defensively.

“And you do? Look, I don’t know what you do at that Stark internship but there’s no way you’ve gotten close enough to know her like that.” Mj put a hand on Peter’s arm. “I’ve known you since middle school, and I know she isn’t the type of girl for you.”

Peter didn’t want to listen, he couldn’t, but there was something deep down thinking maybe she was right. He shook his head, trying to push the voice back into his mind. “Mj, she’s has always been kind and caring towards me I really don’t think-”

Mj just made a “tsking” sound and shook her head in disappointment. “For such a smart guy, you really don’t know much Peter.”

Peter groaned and ran a hand down his face. “I’m tired of your games! What are you talking about!”

“She’s using you Peter, I don’t know what for but there’s no way she could have feelings for you.”

“No, you don’t know that!”, Peter denied.

“Why would she be interested in an intern when she could have anybody else she wants? Tell me that doesn’t sound weird to you.”

Peter’s eyebrows furrowed as the cold truth was given to him. Maybe she was right, but it just didn’t make sense. You always seemed to have a good time when you were around him, but maybe it was all an act. His chest began to ache at the idea of you faking your feelings for him. “I’m done talking about this”, Peter’s heart began to race because of the anxiety that had settled in. He didn’t want to think about being betrayed by you. Suddenly he realized that’s probably how you felt when he didn’t stand up for you.

He tried to enjoy the party after his conversation with Mj but he couldn’t get you out of his head. Peter stepped outside to call you but instead his phone buzzed from an incoming call from….. Mr. Stark. His heart dropped and he nervously swiped right to answer the phone.

“He-hello?”, Peter’s palms began to sweat.

“Peter, explain to me why my daughter left the party so early”, Tony’s voice was stern.

“Well, you see, there was a minor disagreement with another person here”, he tried to come up with an explanation without throwing anyone under the bus.

“Minor? Doesn’t seem minor to me considering she locked herself in her room.”

“Is she okay?”, Peter was filled with guilt at the news.

“No thanks to you”, each word was laced with venom as Tony blamed Peter.

“Mr.Stark it’s really not my-”

“Fault? I told you from the start how much I cared about her, and you still ended up hurting her. I think it’s best if you just leave her alone for awhile.”

“But she’s my friend”, he said with sadness.

“Friends stick up for each other.” Before Peter could say anything back, Tony ended the call.

Peter stared at his phone in disbelief at what just happened. He really messed up this time, all because he wouldn’t open his damn mouth. He practically lost you. Peter was usually never one to back down, but Mr.Stark was his mentor and he couldn’t lose his trust, not again. He walked back into the party with glossy eyes from the tears he was trying to hold back. How could he stay away from you?

~~~

Tony knocked on your door after a few hours of leaving you alone. “Sweetie, are you alright? I brought chinese food to make you feel better.” There was silence, but you finally decided to accept his comfort and opened the door. Your eyes were red and puffy from all the shameful tears you had shed. “Oh pumpkin”, Tony gasped at the sight of you. He set the food down and instantly embraced you in a hug. He put a hand on the back of your head and cradled you tightly. “Wanna talk about it?”

You couldn’t bear to tell your dad all the things that were said about him. He didn’t deserve it, he was suffering enough with guilt. “No, it’s alright”, you sniffled.

Tony felt disappointed that you wouldn’t open up to him, but he knew not to pry you for answers. “Alright, that’s okay. You hungry?”

“Yeah”, you gave a sob laugh as you tried to wipe another stray tear away. It hurt Tony seeing you so upset. He wiped your tear away with his thumb and brought the tray of food over to your bed. You crawled back under the covers, and turned the tv on to watch “Bob’s Burgers”. It was your favorite show, so you figured it would take your mind off of earlier. Tony joined you on the bed and passed you a carton of food. It was nice to finally spend time like this together, but it’s a shame that it happened under these circumstances.

~~~

Everyday you checked your phone for a text from Peter. You’re not sure what you expected but you were hoping for anything. After awhile you caved in and texted him first, but no answer. You didn’t understand why he was giving you the silent treatment. Yeah you were mad at him a few days after the party, but you moved on. You just wanted your friend, Peter back. All hopes of ever getting past the friend zone with him was in the trash. Of course, you wanted more with him.

This boy gave you butterflies every time he looked at you, and your heart skipped a beat every time he touched you. It was like everything was in slow motion when you were together and all you could focus on was him. But now, your chest hurt every time you looked at your notification less phone.

You didn’t deserve this treatment from him, if anything it should be the other way around? How dare he do this to you after what he did. Your sadness quickly turned into anger as you punched the punching bag in the training room. Each hit became harder as you thought about all the wasted effort and feelings you put into him. Every time you helped him with training, all the late nights talking about anything and everything, all the times you guys made each other laugh until your abs hurt, all the butterflies you two shared when you kissed. Suddenly your punches softened and you just felt weak, emotionally and physically.

You grabbed the bag to stop it from swinging and rested your forehead against it for support. Your heavy breathing turned into quiet sobs of frustration. “Idiot”, you said to yourself thinking about maybe you were the one to mess this up.

“I wouldn’t say you were that dumb”, Pietro’s voice echoed throughout the room.

“Go away, Piet”, you growled trying to hide your emotions.

“You don’t have to pretend you’re not hurting, you know?”, Pietro walked over to you.

You turned your face away so he couldn’t see the pathetic tears. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“Look at me”, Pietro put a hand on your back. You wiped your face and turned around giving him a sad smile. “See, you are like a rock. There’s no need for tears.”

“I just really miss him”, you looked down in shame.

“Then see him”, Pietro said casually.

“How?! He won’t answer any of my texts!”, you started to unwrap your hands.

“Just go to his house?”, he said like it was no big deal.

You stopped in the middle of rubbing your sore hands. “Pietro I can’t just simply go to his house.”

“Why not, you have your bike?”

You thought for a second, maybe he was right. If you really cared about Peter, you would fight for this even if he didn’t want it. You just needed some kind of closure. “I guess you’re right.”

“See, I can be helpful”, Pietro crossed his arms.

“Thanks so much”, you gave him a quick peck on the cheek and ran to go shower.

~~~

It was about 9 pm when you finally got the guts to face Peter. You told your dad you had emergency work to deal with, and he didn’t seem to question it. You put on your helmet and started your bike before you could back out again.

Your heart raced as you thought about all the things that could happen when you see him. You were so distracted in your thoughts that you didn’t see the big truck coming at you on your left. The truck smashed into your side, catching you off guard the throwing you to the ground. You tumbled on the hard cement and groaned at the pain that shot through your body.

“Seems 6 men have ambushed you”, FRIDAY decided to say after you were attacked.

“Kind of late, don’t you think”, you sighed and picked yourself up. You went to use your repulsor beams to only realize you weren’t wearing any of your armor besides your helmet.

“Oh fuck me”, you sighed to yourself.

“That sounds familiar”, the dreaded voice made you feel sick. It couldn’t be him. Your ex stepped out of the shadows making quite the entrance. “I’ve heard you’ve been looking for me”, he casually walked towards you.

You ran at him, but only to be hit in the gut with a baton by one of his men. You clutched your stomach and dodged another hit. You grabbed the stick and blocked a hit from your behind and taking care of the guy on your side. With the stolen weapon you cracked the other guy on the side of the head making him instantly fall the ground.

Out of breath you asked, “You’re a real asshole, aren’t you?”

Your ex laughed, “I see you haven’t changed a bit.”

“I see you’re still a little bitch for getting men to fight for you”, you watched 3 more men making their way towards you.

“Let’s just say I don’t like to get my hands dirty”, he smirked at you making chills run down your spine. Once again you blocked and fought trying to keep focus on everyone in front of you. “You know I do miss you”, his voice echoed in your head.

“Fucking liar”, you snarled.

“Don’t you remember how happy I made you”, he tried to distract you. He didn’t expect you to put up such a fight.

“That was when I thought you were a decent human being”, you said between attacks. “Now you’re just Hydra scum”, you knocked down another guy.

“Little harsh, don’t you think?”

That was the last straw, the rage exploded out of you clouding your judgement. You moved your attention to him, which was a huge mistake. Suddenly, you felt a sharp pain in your side that traveled throughout your entire body. You fell to the ground unable to move, or protect yourself.

The last man picked you up and held you up, so you were completely vulnerable. Your ex took off your helmet, making your soft hair fall to your face.

“Ah just as beautiful as ever”, he smiled and threw your helmet to the side. He ran the back of his hand against your cheek, making your stomach twist.

You spit on him giving him zero of the respect he expects. Suddenly he connected his fist hard with your face making your face fall to the side. It was nothing you haven’t handled before, but it still hurt. “You’ll never learn will you?”

“Hmm let me think”, you pretended to be deep in thought. “Nope, you were shit then, and you’re still shit now.”

Once again, he landed another punch to your face. He was getting ready for a third when his hand was shot back, with something familiar. Oh it was web. Just as expected Spider-Man landed on the street and shot the guy who was holding you. He instantly released you making you collapse like a ragdoll.

You groaned, “Wow good one, Spidey.”

After taking caring of the guys he came over to you. “What are you doing here?” You were starting to get feeling back into your limbs so you shakily pushed yourself up. Peter helped you up and supported you as you walked.

“Is my bike okay?”, you limped to your baby.

“Really, (Y/N)? What are you doing here?”, Peter sat you down on the vehicle.

You sighed, “That’s really how you’re going to talk to me after all this time?”

“(Y/N)”, Peter exhaled and ran a hand over his mask.

“Don’t act like you don’t know what you did!”, you rose your voice in anger. “Two weeks have gone by without a word from you! God, I’m not even mad about the party anymore. I’m mad that you just stopped talking to me out of the blue! I deserve something, I need an explanation.”

Peter knew he couldn’t talk about this out in the open. “Here come back to my place, Aunt May is working, then I’ll explain.”

You rolled your eyes and put on your helmet. “Lead the way.” You followed him as he swung from building to building. He made sure to look before crawling into his room as Spider-man.

“Can I change real quick?”, he asked. You left the room and waited for him to open the door. He sat on his bed and nervously tapped his hand as you took a seat on his desk chair.

“Time to talk, Peter”, you said sternly.

His mouth opened, expecting the words to come out, but it wasn’t that easy. His mind raced with things to say and how to say them. He took a deep breath to calm his nerves, but he couldn’t look at you.

“I’m sorry for not backing you up at the party. Mj, she-”, his words were caught in the throat again. “She was being ridiculous. I knew she was lying when she said you were using me but-” , you cut him off.

“She said I was using you?!”, you shouted astonished at the nerve of that girl.

“Yeah, but I don’t know, I guess she got me feeling insecure and then your dad called saying how you came home all upset and I just felt so guilty. I was going to call you, but he said that I needed to stay away from you. I just didn’t want to hurt you.” Peter looked down in shame of what he has done.

“Well congrats, Peter. You managed to hurt me when your whole goal was not to”, a tear ran down your cheek and you got up to leave but he ran in front of the window.

“I think I deserve some answers too”, Peter now standing up to you.

“Like what?”, you asked confused.

“What happened with your ex? Your dad seems to be really protective of you because of it.”

You were taken back by the question, but you figured you might as well explain. You breathed out and took a seat on his bed. Peter took a seat next to you ready to listen.

“Remember the guy you webbed a few minutes ago?”

“Yeah?”, Peter remembered the sinister look he wore on his face.

“Well, that’s him”, you said embarrassed.

Peter was completely shocked by the news. “You dated a bad guy?”, he gasped.

“He wasn’t always a bad guy, or so I thought. I met him in central park and exchanged numbers. He became to be one of my bestfriends. But when SHIELD fell he changed instantly. He began beating me, and he would’ve killed me in fact, if my dad hadn’t found me. He turned out to be working for Hydra the whole time.” You took a deep breath, “That’s when I decided to join SHIELD. I wanted to find him again, so I could just-”, you were going to say kill him but you knew that wasn’t you. “I just want to make him suffer like he did to me. I have been looking for him for so long, but I guess he found me first.”

“Oh (Y/N)”, Peter said sympathetically. “I’m so sorry.”

“It’s whatever. I am who I am today because of him.” You looked down only to see Peter put his hand on yours. You looked at him surprised by the sudden affection.

“I would never treat you like that.” You looked at him with wide eyes, waiting for him to keep talking. “I am really sorry for what I put you through already. It killed me everyday not being able to talk to you, or see your face. You’re one of the most amazing people I have ever met” Peter closed his eyes and took another deep breath. “(Y/N), I really like you, maybe even love you. I would do anything to keep you in my life and if that means going against your dad, then so be it.”

Your heart raced at his confession. You were completely lost for words so you decided to take action. You moved your face and pressed your lips against his. Peter wasn’t expecting you to accept his apology so quickly, but he was beyond happy to be kissing you again.

The kiss became heated as you moved closer to him, until you were straddling his waist. You deepened the kiss when you opened your mouth to his tongue. Your tongues met between kisses and you began to grind against his hips making him groan into your mouth.

You pulled away to breath and began kiss down his jaw and to his neck. Peter has never really done anything like this with a girl, so he didn’t know how to react beside running his fingers through your hair. You ran a teasing hand over the bulge in his jeans as you kissed your way back to his mouth. To make sure he was comfortable with where you wanted to go with this you asked, “Are you okay if I keep going?”

Peter was breathless so he shook his head “yes” eagerly.

You moved yourself down to his waist and began to unbutton his jeans. You could tell Peter was nervous so you grabbed his hand for comfort. Peter was already throbbing from how hard he was, so you released him from his boxers. You were a bit shocked by how much bigger he was than you expected, but you decided to take on the challenge. Your hand wrapped around the base of his dick perfectly, and you moved your hand up it to test how it felt for him.

Peter bit his lip trying not to moan at the new pleasure that he was experiencing. You couldn’t help but smile at his cuteness as you gave the tip a gentle kiss before running your tongue over the slit. This time Peter groaned and let his head fall back into the pillow. You continued and traced a line with your tongue from the base of his dick all the way to the top before slowly taking him into your mouth.

‘Oh my god”, Peter gasped at the sensation of your warm mouth around him.

Your hand began to follow your mouth as you moved up and down, occasionally twisting your hand around to the tip. It only took a few minutes before you had Peter a groaning mess. He laid a hand on your head to get your attention, “Can I do stuff to you know?” His cheeks were red and he was breathing heavily.

You took him out of your mouth, “Yeah, but you don’t have to!”

“No I want to”, he put a hand under your chin and brought your face back to his. He kissed you again and unbuttoned your pants so he could slide a hand into your underwear. His fingers traced a line from your belly button all the way down to your clit. Peter was hesitant but you put your hand over his and guided him lower to your entrance. He could feel how wet you were already and he hasn’t even got to touch you. He rubbed around your wetness before slowly sliding his finger into you, making you moan against his lips.

The way you were moaning Peter figured he was doing something right, so he added a second finger. After getting comfortable he quickened his pace and you were so busy moaning you couldn’t remember to kiss him back. You needed more of him so you removed his hands and moved on top of him again. You quickly removed his shirt revealing his amazingly sculpted torso.

Peter lifted the hem of your shirt and nearly gasped at how beautiful your body was. He looked at you for confirmation before removing your bra. You gave him a nod and a smile, and your bra was clipped off in seconds revealing your bare chest. Peter gently took a breast in each hand and gently massaged them. You leaned down to kiss him one more time before removing his jeans and boxers. You decided to take your own pants off while you were up and grabbed a condom out of your leather jacket.

You stopped next to the bed and slowly pulled off you lace thong, making Peter’s jaw drop. You giggled at his reaction and straddled him again while you ripped open the condom wrapper.

“Are you ready?”, you asked one more time.

“More than ever”, with that you placed the condom on his dick and hovered yourself over him. He held his dick up to help align himself with you. Slowly you lowered yourself onto him, making you moan and close your eyes. You held yourself up with your elbows and kissed him while you bounced up and down on his dick. Peter grabbed a fist full of your hair and placed the other hand on your hip.

You put your hand in his hair and rested your forehead against his as he began to thrust quickly into you. He bent his knees for more mobility and moved deeper into you, making your moans louder than before.

He filled you up perfectly and for a beginner her really new how to use his hips. All you could do was moan his name as he quickened his pace. You could tell he was breathing heavier than normal, meaning he would finish soon. You kissed his cheek and moaned in his ear, “It’s okay to cum.”

He only got a few more thrusts in before completely letting himself go. He moaned your name as he came and his hid face in your neck.

You both pulled away out of breath but with huge smiles on your faces.

“That was amazing”, Peter sighed and laid his head back into the bed.

You laughed and got off of him to clean yourself off, while you handed Peter some tissues to dispose of the condom. You both dressed back up but you borrowed a pair of his boxers as shorts.

“I’ll sleep on the couch so Aunt May doesn’t think we did anything”, Peter offered.

“Oh thanks, Peter”, you blushed. “Wait”, you stopped him before he closed the door. “Are we dating now?”

Peter’s eyes widened as he remembered he never asked you to be his girlfriend. He smacked his forehead with his hand and came back over to you. “Uh (Y/N), you’re a beautiful brilliant girl, and nothing would make me happier if you were mine. So will you be my girlfriend? Even though we totally skipped a step just a few minutes ago.”

You punched his arm playfully at the mention of the sex. “I thought you’d never ask”, you kissed him one last time. “Alright sleep well, because tomorrow we face my dad.”

~~~

The hours passed so fast that before you could rethink this plan you were already on your bike on the way to headquarters with Peter on the back hanging onto you for dear life. You gave him your helmet since you knew he was nervous about the ride.

You parked your bike in the garage and made your way to your dad’s room. “Stay out here”, you whispered to Peter. You knocked on the door and came in. Tony was busy on his ipad until you entered.

“There you are! I called Coulson and he said-”, you stopped your dad to explain.

“Dad, I know I lied to you but you’re just as guilty as I am.”

Tony gave you a confused look, “What do you mean?”

“I went to go see Peter last night, and got ambushed by you know who”, you raised your eyebrows.

“Are you okay?!”, your dad asked worried.

“I’m fine, Peter saved me. So after I made him explain to me why he ghosted on me randomly. He said he was being loyal to you because he knew how much you didn’t want us together”, you crossed your arms annoyed. “Dad, how could you?”

“Pumpkin, I’m sorry. I just couldn’t bare to see you hurt again”, he pinched the bridge of his nose.

“Dad, I can handle this stuff on my own okay?”, you tone softened as you realized how badly he felt. “Also, you have someone else to say sorry to.” Suddenly you slid the door open revealing a shocked Peter. You grabbed him into the room and motioned for your dad to apologize.

Tony crossed his arms in defeat, “Sorry, for making you stay away from my daughter. But I’m proud that you did it to stay loyal to me.”

Peter smiled at the words, “I’m proud”.

“So I’m guessing you two are together now?”, your dad pointed to you and Peter.

“Yupp”, you smiled proudly.

“Uh, there doesn’t happen to be a self destruct option on my suit, right?”, Peter asked nervously worried what your dad could do to him.

“Why are you going to try to turn it off like the training wheels protocol?”, you dad said back sassily. Peter’s jaw dropped and he tried to object but Tony patted him on the shoulder before shooing you two out. “Oh yeah, I know everything kid”, your dad closed the door behind you guys.

Peter gulped at the idea of him knowing you two did it already. “You don’t think-”, he asked.

“No he’s just saying that to scare you”, you laughed and dragged him to go tell Wanda and Pietro the news.

Tagged: @elaacreditava @harleyquinnandscarletwitch @randisnotonfire @theperksofbeingyourmum @redstarstan @mamallama613 @peter-pan-hoe @alexiajmariani @avengersandchill @blueskaikru @wizardinthewrongplace @legendarydazekitten @farfromjustordinary @tomhollandisthicc @ur-average-princess @kingwolfey @jriles124 @superisatomboyuniverse

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jejublr · 7 years ago

Text

Seatmate!Hoshi

A/N: Anon and Cinderella Anon requested for Seatmate!Hoshi this time! I’m sorry I haven’t been updating bc of school but I have my drafts saved so don’t worry! I’m still writing! To those who are back at school, I hope you guys are doing great! To those still on summer vacation (and to all of you in general): STAY HYDRATED!!!

This one was really fun to write because, let’s be honest, Kwon Soonyoung is everybody’s bias wrecker. Even if you don’t have him as a bias, he’s somewhere lurking on the top of your bias lists don’t lie to me. This one’s a long one so I hope you all enjoy and have a great day~! ^^

How do I start with this guy

Calls himself 10:10 because of his slanted eyes cute

This kid is also pretty hyper ok

Once got into detention because he randomly stood up on his desk in the middle of a lesson to shout “IT’S 10:10″ when the clock strikes

Often has random dance offs with Junior!Seokmin and it’s the most hilarious thing to watch

Has a lot of friends from every grade because he’s so fun to be around

Cares a lot about his underclassmen and is the one of the nicest upperclassmen around

Everybody knows Soonyoung’s really good at dancing

And I mean, real good

He even has his own YouTube channel NaegaHosh where he dances his own choreos to pop songs

Most people at school follows him and even the teachers stalk his videos lol

Soonyoung is basically in everyone’s good book

Well, everyone’s but yours

You see, you’re childhood rivals

You can say you’re a pretty chill person

You have your own group of friends you usually hang out with but you’re on good terms with people in general

Nobody can deny that you’re an equally talented dancer

You may have a different style from Soonyoung but your dancing is just as captivating as his

While Soonyoung’s style is leaning towards breakdance, you style leans towards contemporary ballet

And it gets pretty heated and entertaining to see you both try out-do each other during the end of year talent shows

For few years in a row, the winner would either be you or Soonyoung

Usually you guys take turns

People are so tired of it tbh

“Just kiss already.”

Your friends like to tease you that your resentment is just internalized crush

But you’re in deniaaallll /guitar rift/

Anyways, you decided early on into the year that you will beat Soonyoung once and for all by winning for the second consecutive year

The story starts in the early morning of your Junior year in high school

So the system in your school was they always pick people randomly to be put into a new class every year

So you can be friends with everyone

And guess what?

You’re in Soonyoung’s class

For the second consecutive year

People were groaning internally because here we go again

Being in the same class with you both was like being in a real-life drama

Because everybody knows you’re childhood rivals

And imagine the tension of sitting behind two people who are always ready to rip each other to shreds

The teacher was aware of this and tired of this s*** so she decided to sit you guys together this year

What was she thinking lmao

You guys might wonder the backstory behind this age-long rivalry

It began once upon a kindergarten

You never really had any beef with Soonyoung

He’s pretty hyper as a kid; got his hair stuck up everywhere and always the one to break it down on the ol’ kindergarten dance floor

Ok dark secret here; but you had a crush on Soonyoung back then bc he reminds you so much of your hamster Cici omggg

You let him steal your sandwich and borrow your color pencil during art as a result of this crush

This crush went on until that time in second grade when your school held Nutcracker

And he totally stole your role as the Nutcracker bc you were sick during the dress rehearsal

By the time you got better the night before the show, they had given the role to Soonyoung

So you got stuck playing a candy cane tragic

IMAGINE THE BETRAYAL

That night marked the day you got your first heartbreak and sworn to make Kwon Soonyoung pay one day

Yeah, you’re a pretty dramatic bitter child and you continue to carry that bitterness up till this day

Anyways

It’s that time of the year again

Tension is in the air, looks shared between people

It’s the annual talent show

People are sharing nervous glances bc when are they finally gonna lose it

And by “they”, they meant you and Soonyoung

When you saw the form pinned on the bulletin board this morning, you never wrote your name faster

But guess what? By lunchtime, Soonyoung already had his name scribbled under yours

It’s officially on

“Watch your back, Kwon.”

“Good luck.”

Funnily, you were both dragged into the principal’s office by the time school’s out

“This year, you won’t be participating” the principal said

“What.”

“People are getting discouraged signing up for the auditions bc they know that in the end, the winner would only be between the both of you. That’s why I decided to remove you both from the competition this year.

“And no, Soonyoung, if you think you’re entitled just because your internet name Hoshi means star, you can find your way out.”

You were about to snicker when she went “Y/N, you will not find it funny when I tell you that you two will work together to create and perform a dance to be showcased during the talentshow. While you’re not participating, you and Soonyoung both

You went 0_0 w hat

“I’m not going to work with them!” both you and Sonyoung said in unison

The teacher was like “lmao get over it kids, it’s 2K17″ and then sauntered off like a bo$$

You realized you didn’t have a choice but to do as she said to be able to perform this year

And you see no point to arguing

So you both begrudgingly agreed to do the collab

At first, you and Soonyoung wouldn’t meet in the middle

You try to find faults in each other’s dancing, to

You ended up trying to sabotage yourselves

Also, you still didn't have the right music to dance with so you and Soonyoung were a complete wreck

Also bc you kept arguing which song to pick smh

It came to a point that one day, Soonyoung went up to Senior!Jihoon

“Hey, can you whip up some swaggy beats for my performance for the talent show?”

“Tell me a reason why I shouldn’t hit you with a guitar right now.”

“I’ll buy you a burger.”

“I can buy a burger.”

“I’ll buy you a hundred burgers.”

“Deal.”

So that’s how Soonyoung had gotten himself the perfect remix for the dance the next Monday

When you listened to it for the first time, you knew, it’s perfect

Because somehow, Jihoon was able to mesh songs to create one that would work perfectly with you and Soonyoung’s style

And so you two began to work

And you couldn’t help but observe Soonyoung as he worked

Because you��ve never seen someone do something so passionately

Soonyoung gave his all in his dance and it’s something everybody can see

Watching Soonyoung work his magic woke up something in you

Funnily, you don’t feel intimidated at all

For once, you embraced the fact that you now work with Soonyoung, not against him

So you ended up enjoying it a bit

So you’re finally done with the last steps of planning the choreography

It’s time for you to test it out for yourselves

So you played the music and danced

And you both had gotten so wrapped up in the music and with each other that when the music ended in a crescendo, you suddenly found yourself tangled in his arms

And you were so close in each others arms and he could see the specks in your eyes and suddenly he could feel his breath hitch

Because Oh no, you’re actually really attractive. How could he not see this?

And all of the sudden, he became hyper aware of how close you both are, his hands on your hips and your warm breaths mingling

It wasn’t until you pulled away that he went woah

Because what was that???

You on the other hand

You tried to play it cool, but inside??

You can’t deny you and Soonyoung have a tension chemistry

But God forbid if your age-old crush was revived

You thought it was the time you spent together that drew you closer

I mean, you meet the guy in class then spend the rest of the afternoon choreographing and dancing with him

You’d expect yourself to be at each other’s throats

But you grew comfortable with his presence???

It’s like you started to care about each other

You never really showed it but it’s there

Like that time it was raining by the time you both finished

You had forgotten to bring your umbrella and he basically forced you to use his instead as he dove right into the rain

(The next day you gave it back to him with a small thank you note slipped inside)

He thought it was cute

And that other time when you noticed he looked rather pale and tired

So when you went to the convenient store near the school on your break, you bought him an extra carton of milk and bread

He looked confused as heck when you gave it to him

“I don’t want you to collapse a week before the show, Kwon.”

You totally didn’t blush

You also noticed the change in Soonyoung’s behavior

When you caught him starring at you in class one day, you were like “What are you looking at, nerd?”

He said “Your hair looks nice today.”

“My hair looks nice everyday, thank.”

And while he didn't say anything in return, you swear you heard him whisper “Yeah it does.”

It’s so confusing bc what’s happening? Why is he suddenly like this? Does he..like me????

And while it’s a nice change from having to bicker everyday, you started to wonder what happened that triggered this change

Bc this is not the standard Soonyoung behavior

Also maybe bc you miss the bickering a little bit

But practice went on like usual

Before you know it, it’s the day of the show

Everyone’s freaking out

And you were too bc this reminded you too much of the first time you performed on stage

The adrenaline and the nervousness coiled in your stomach like a snake strangling its prey

In a way, this does count as your first dance

Your first time dancing with a partner

Your heart skipped a bit when you saw him in the dressing room, made up and dressed in all black

And you stopped in your track bc he looked good

You missed the look he gave you as he scanned you head to toe

He had to stop himself from blushing bc oh my god it’s happening, he’s going to dance with this attractive person

He must’ve sensed your nervousness bc he turned to you

“Hey, don’t sweat it. You’ll do great. I promise.”

Those little words gave you a boost

You can say it’s like his way of saying “good luck”

But who needs luck when you got Kwon Soonyoung amirite

The stage dimmed and it’s just Soonyoung and you and the music

Your body seemed to move on its own, giving up all control to muscle memory and to Soonyoung

You memorized the routine like the back of your hand

Soonyoung’s touches and your eyes teasing, almost sensual, writing a story only the two of you knew

And to say that you wow-ed the audience was an understatement

You bombed the place

You were so in tune with both the song and with each other that what was supposed to be a three-minute dance felt like mere seconds

Before you know it, the song was over, you’re in his arms and you’re both breathing hard

It just felt..fleeting

The show was easily a success

Nobody thought you would work so well together after all those years of rivalry

But it just proves how two great dancers could overcome boundaries if they had enough will

Your friends and family crowded you when the show was over,

They went to congratulate you and tell you how amazing the performance was

But you could only think about Soonyoung

You wanted to thank him for the hard work he’s put into the performance and for all the times he took care of you

You tried to swallow the sinking feeling realizing that it’s over now

You’ll go back to your live before the dance and he’ll go back to his

As the tension was revolved by the time you spent working together on the dance, you knew there was no more reason for you to start something against him

Because you’ve grown so accustomed to him, and him to you

It’s like a routine you couldn’t shake off

It was at that moment that you realized you liked having Soonyoung around

Speaking of Soonyoung

You found him propped up on the edge of the stage, the lights from the projector up in the projector room far ahead in the the auditorium casting white light on him, his silhouette a giant background on the stage

Your silhouette joined his as you plopped down next to him

“What are you doing?” you asked him

“I like sitting along in a theater like this. Makes you feel small.”

“I had fun” you admitted

His lips quirked into a lopsided smile, his bunny teeth showing

“I had fun, too.”

You joined in as you took in the view

How the place seems so vast with the empty red velvet seats

“Hey, Y/N.. about that Nutcracker incident?” Soonyoung started

“What about it?”

“Can I pay you back with a kiss??”

FFFF WOT

And you expected him to suddenly say “SIKE.” and for someone to jump out of the curtains with a camera but it didn’t come

Instead, Soonyoung was looking at you with what seems to be apprehensiveness

And the realization hit you like a truck

Bc he literally just asked you if he could kiss you to make up to all that childhood bitterness

At this point, Soonyoung looked ready to apologize and disappear from the face of the earth but before anything

You dove in like a hawk

You didn’t know what to expect when your lips finally locked but the kiss was chaste, almost shy even

The kiss felt like your dance; brief, fleeting, teasing

But it brought a certain fulfillment in your heart

When you pulled away, Soonyoung’s cheeks were colored red and he couldn’t stop smiling

“Oh. Oh.”

“What??” you feel yourself heat up in embarrassment

“...Can I kiss you again??”

“Oh my god.”

So at the end of that night, Soonyoung walked you home, with your pasts melting off like candy with every step that you take and laughter that you shared

And in the end, the kid who once stole your sandwich and role in that grade school musical ended stealing your heart, too

#hoshi #seventeen scenarios #seventeen au #seventeen imagines #hoshi imagines #hoshi scenarios #soonyoung #seventeen #ITS 2 IN THE MORNING AND I FINALLY FINISHED OMG #I'm going to sleep y'all b ye #i fell asleep on mh laptop and it's 4.27 lol

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imaginemedreamingstuff · 8 years ago

Text

10 seconds part 2 || Dan Howell

A/N: I decided to write a second part bc apparently I can’t say no. btw I’ll turn 18 tomorrow (April 1st) so I’m already super excited!

Word Count: 1.4K

POV: Reader

MASTERLIST // PART ONE

“Y/N is my girlfriend!” he shouted.

The eyes that were by now staring at me were burning into my skin like fire. I felt my cheeks heat up and at the same time, I felt unbelievably happy. It was true, I was Dan Howell’s girlfriend and nothing could make me smile wider.

“Good joke, Dan.” Tiffany laughed joylessly while touching my boyfriend’s biceps.

Dan quickly moved further away from her and wiped his lips with the sleeves of his sweater.

“I’m not joking. Y/N and I have been dating for nearly 2 months now.” Dan insisted, dead serious.

“Sure, and why didn’t you tell anybody about it? Were you embarrassed by her?” Tiffany’s high voice that was drenched with mockery and sarcasm rang in my ear, awakening the desire to slap her grin off her face.

“I didn’t tell you because a) we’re not friends and b) it’s non of your business.” Dan shut her up, his on point come back made the room grow silent.

“Now excuse me while I get my girlfriend a drink.” He said right before he got up.

After Dan had held his hand out for me and I reached for it, he pulled me onto my feet. As we walked to the kitchen together I could still feel curious eyes burn into my back but I really couldn’t care less.

The guy who threw the party stored all of the drinks in the kitchen and Dan was given the permission to get whatever he wanted. The kitchen was completely empty when we walked in, I immediately hopped onto the counter and let my legs dangle in the air while Dan went over to the refrigerator.

“Do you like beer?” Dan asked me, holding up two bottles while raising his eyebrows.

“I don’t know, I have actually never tried it.” I admitted with a shy laugh.

“It’s about time then, right?” He asked me before he opened the bottles.

“Sure, but you have to drink it for me if it tastes disgusting.” I told him before I took the beer he was holding out for me.

I took a little sip of the dark liquid, it tasted a little bit bitter but it wasn’t too bad. Still, I wasn’t sure if I could actually finish the whole bottle.

“Y/N?” Dan suddenly asked me, sounding a bit worried.

“Yes?” I asked, unsure of what he was going to say.

“Are you mad at me?” he then simply asked.

I blinked a few times in confusion.

“Why should I be mad?” I wanted to know, still not understanding what he meant.

“Because of Tiffany. That she kissed me.” He spoke quietly like he was feeling really bad about it.

“Oh that…”

I had nearly forgotten that it had actually happened. Tiffany kissed my boyfriend, sure she didn’t know that we were dating and it was a dare but still. Now that I remembered it, I did feel a little bit down. Dan was with me and I should be the only one who got to kiss him.

“I’m really sorry, Y/N. I tried to stop her before it happened but she was so fast and then it was too late.” Dan rambled unstoppably. I could really tell how sorry he was.

“It wasn’t your fault. We should have just told everybody in the first place.” I thought out loud. It was true I did feel relieved now that we didn’t have to hide anymore.

“I can’t wait to show you off to all of my friends.” Dan said with a wink, making me smile and blush at the same time.

I pulled his tall body closer to mine before I wrapped my arms around his neck. Since I was still sitting on top of the kitchen counter he was now standing between my legs. ‘He is so beautiful’ I thought to myself as I stared into his chocolate brown eyes.

“Nobody else gets to kiss you.” I whispered right before I connected our lips and felt my heart jump up and down at the same time.

“Just you” Dan smiled into the kiss and everything was alright again.

About 15 minutes later Dan had finished his and the last bit of my beer and we decided to join the people on the dance floor.

Although the music was way too loud the DJ played some good songs from time to time and I just danced and felt free. Both, me and Dan weren’t really the best dancers in the world so we tried our best and mostly just fooled around and invented new ridiculous dance moves.

I was a little bit out of breath when I excused myself to go to the bathroom.

“I’ll miss you.” Dan whined, making me laugh and roll my eyes.

I bumped into Jessica from chemistry class again in the bathroom.

“Why didn’t you tell me that you are dating Dan Howell?!” she squealed and hugged me tightly.

She clearly had a bit of alcohol running through her veins but she looked so excited that I just had to smile at her.

“You are so lucky, Y/N. He is such a gem.” She giggled on her way out of the bathroom, making me grin.

I splashed some cold water on my face, exhausted from all of the dancing me and Dan did. After one last glance at my reflection in the mirror I decided to walk back to my boyfriend who was waiting for me on the dancefloor.

But shortly before I could reach Dan I heard somebody say my name which made me instantly turn around.

“Hey, Y/N. Are you enjoying yourself?” Drew, a jock I barely knew from school asked me.

“I guess.” I answered brusquely not really interested in talking to him.

“I never realized that you look so hot.” He straight up flirted with me. He got much closer to me than I wanted him to. I was feeling quite uncomfortable and annoyed. The only thought I was able to think was ‘Get away from him’.

“I gotta go find my boyfriend.” I warned him and tried to storm away, but he held me back by my arm.

“I don’t think Howell wants to see you right now.” Drew said with an evil smirk while gesturing to where Dan was waiting for me. He wasn’t alone though, Tiffany was standing right next to him.

She was getting shamelessly close to him and from her body language I could tell that she was obviously flirting with him. Her hand was wandering up and down his chest and although Dan repeatedly tried to push her away she wouldn’t stop.

“She isn’t even here.” I could hear Tiffany purr and I was raging with anger.

“Tiffany, I’m not interested in you at all. I like Y/N!” Dan shouted so loud that a few people turned their heads.

I was about to strut over to her and slap that flirtatious smile off her face. Dan wasn’t able to do that because he would never hit a girl but I surely could. Although I wanted to do it so badly I was still held back by Drew’s firm grip.

I desperately tried to free myself but I wasn’t strong enough. I was sure by now that Tiffany talked Drew into doing this. I was angry and scared at the same time and I felt enormously helpless.

“Why don’t you let go of her?” A guy behind me bellowed, coming to my rescue.

Drew immediately removed his hands from my arm in surprise and shock.

“Fuck off, asshole.” Jason, Dan’s friend threatened him.

Drew’s eyes sparkled with angst and anger but he did as Jason told him.

“Thank you.” I breathed relieved as soon as he was finally gone.

“Anything for my best friend’s girlfr-“ Jason was about to say but he got interrupted.

“Are you okay?” Dan nearly shouted at me.

I didn’t really have the time to watch how Dan tried to get rid of Tiffany but it seemed like he had finally managed to do it.

“Drew was just being a dick. I’m alright.” I added and shot Jason a friendly smile.

“Thanks mate.” Dan said bro-hugging his best friend.

“Let’s get out of here.” The three of us synchronically said at the same time, making us laugh as we walked to the front door and left the party behind us.

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traumabrained · 8 years ago

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I'm looking for advices on how to deal with trauma in a relationship. My partner and I are both survivors and we both have cptsd and it can be really hard bc we're both sabotaging your relationship. Do you have any ressources on that? Thx you very much for your awesome blog.

this is a pretty difficult question, because if you google it, you get a lot of sites saying “how to date someone with ptsd” where all they talk about is what the symptoms are, which obviously you both are already familliar with, and then you get a few results saying “how to date someone when you have ptsd” which is also unhelpful because all their advice is “try to act normal” and “dont tell them about the trauma right away” which. doesn’t apply at all to your situation.

this is the best i got, because there are zero resources for two people with ptsd dating. here’s the most helpful bit (copied and pasted)

People with PTSD can create and maintain good relationships by:

Building a personal support network to help cope with PTSD while working on family and friend relationships

Sharing feelings honestly and openly, with respect and compassion

Building skills at problem solving and connecting with others

Including ways to play, be creative, relax, and enjoy others

and frankly im not sure how helpful that really is either. so because there are no resources i can give you, i’ll try to give you some advice instead. this is from personal experience, as i have also been in a relationship where we both had ptsd. now granted, that relationship failed, but not because we kept messing up. anyway. this is going to be long, and im not saying everything will work for you, but try to give it some thought anyway.

1) like it says above, be honest with each other. as much as possible. but also try to be sensitive. maybe both of you could write a list of triggers for yourself, and give it to the other person, so that you know what to avoid. so for instance, say you get triggered by X, and you need support. but on your partner’s trigger list, it says they also get triggered by X. so going to them for help is just going to hurt them, and you won’t get any support from it. so maybe whenever you get triggered by X, go to a friend who doesn’t get triggered by X, and get support from them. and then (and this is important), let your partner know about the incident. you can say “i got triggered real bad by something on both of our lists”, and then say “and i went to my friend for support so that i wouldn’t trigger you”. and then, let your partner comfort you.

regarding mutual triggers, friends (or honestly even blogs like mine, but just having someone who can talk you down and calm you) are for support. partners are for comfort. so after you have calmed, maybe ask to cuddle your partner, or call them on the phone, or skype.

2) this ties into number 1. if part of the problem is that you both (or one of you) keeps trying to destroy the relationship because of low self-esteem (i.e. “i don’t deserve you”), then come up with a word or phrase that means “i don’t mean this and i love you but my ptsd is telling me to push you away”. lets say you choose the words “milk crate”. you want it to be short, and not something you say very often. so if your partner is acting destructive, and saying things that are clearly intended to make you break up with them, then ask them the phrase. and they can either reply “milk crate” right back, which is a confirmation and tells you that they dont mean it and can’t help it, or else they say “no”, which means that they are serious.

the purpose of having a phrase like this is to make it easier for both of you to say what you mean. if im in a bad way, the last thing i’m able to do is rationally explain that i love someone and i care about them and i’m sorry. like. i cant do it. i’d rather isolate myself forever. but if i already have a set phrase that means exactly what i want to say, then it’s much easier to just say that phrase.

3) you can create codewords for everything. if one of you has memory problems, then write them down. carry a list in your wallet, if you have to. create a codeword for “i love you but i cant handle human interaction right now”. create a codeword for “if you keep trying to talk to me i’m gonna explode so please go away”. create a codeword for “please don’t leave me alone right now”.

one of the parts of ptsd is a feeling that its impossible to get other people to understand, and there’s no point in trying to communicate with anyone else. having a system of codewords reinforces the fact that 1) you have a human who understands you and cares about you and 2) you don’t need to try very hard to communicate a few very important things.

4) understand that sometimes you will want love, and your partner will not even want to be in the same room as you, and vice versa. this might even happen a lot of the time. it will suck. but you have to remember that it’s nobody’s fault when it happens. you’re not being too needy. they’re not being too distant. you both have ptsd. this is unavoidable. if you need comfort and your partner absolutely can’t provide it, go to a close friend, explain what you need, and ask for it.

5. if this is a long distance relationship (or one where you dont see each other every day in school or work or home), try to check in every day. if one of you often has days where you go nonverbal (extreme difficulty communicating, sometimes a complete lack of ability to communicate), create a codeword for that. lets say the word you come up with to signify nonverbal days is “pillowcase”. if your partner hasn’t talked to you all day, text them “pillowcase?” to which they can reply yes or no. or, if you know you’re currently having a nonverbal day, try to text them first: pillowcase. and then they will know that you’re not ignoring them, you just cant talk.

6. if you are not already both in therapy, please book therapists appointments. there’s no shame in needing a therapist, and having one will help both of you, in general life, and also in your relationship. i understand if it’s not possible (if you are minors, or else if you can’t afford one), but if you can, do.

that’s all i can think of. i hope this was helpful, and i hope your relationship smooths out.

#sorry this is so long #if anyone knows any resources that i couldnt find please reply or reblog with them #actuallyptsd #Anonymous

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starlightbarbie · 8 years ago

Text

(don’t reblog this post if you’re not one of my friends talking to me)

okay, you know, i changed my mind? i’m cleaning house today, airing out laundry, so why not do the same emotionally?

it’s been weighing on me too long and making me feel like a bad person but i’ve been so terrified of burning bridges that i never want to admit when i have a different opinion social-justice/spiritual-wise than my friends on here.

bc a lot of people seem to have the attitude that having a different political opinion than someone means you literally can’t interact with them again or continue being friends.

which i understand, it’s an online safe space and you want to surround yourself with like-minded people so you can enjoy your time away from the real-life people whose opinions you’re stuck around. tumblr is kind of the only place you CAN talk to ppl about lgbt, race, gender, etc issues and avoid other types of ppl.

but it just seems so, in a way, divisive and un-productive to alienate people who you enjoy talking to and being friends with, who share all of your political, social justice beliefs except ONE or TWO....just because their ideology doesn’t match perfectly with yours.

especially when they’ve been respecting your opinions the entire friendship and there’s no reason you wouldn’t be able to continue talking just without discussing those topics you’ve never discussed in the first place because they’ve been silent about them...

so maybe i’m afraid of all my friends finally learning my two differing opinions and immediately going “wow youre a bigot we cant be friends” and maybe thats presumptive and wrong but i can’t help my instinctual worries, you know? am i putting up too much self-defense here??

i hope i dont sound attack-y which i’m worried i might because whenever i get ranty....but whatever, this is all just MY opinion and if you read it i hope you can understand where im coming from and then, take from it what you will.

.hhmm. enough stalling...

ive never been “anti” otherkin--as i understand it’s a spiritual belief for some and a coping mechanism for others, and there’s no reason for me to bash that or find any fault with people who just feel a connection to a certain animal or whatever. that’s been happening for all of human existence, there are religions which believe in reincarnation, and i’m agnostic anyways.

i wasn’t raised religious, tho my mom was raised catholic--she wanted my sister and i to come to god on our own terms in our own time instead of being brainwashed by a church since babyhood. so far it just made us very secular. but i’ve had jewish, christian, muslim friends, and never disrespect anyone’s spiritual beliefs. i do preach separation of church and state and hold the political views that come with that, but i believe in freedom to express religion as long as it doesn’t infringe on another human’s rights.

but when it goes past otherkin...people identifying as animals, plants, and galaxies, that doesn’t harm anything--but when it comes to fictionkin and factkin it makes me very uncomfortable.

it feels extremely like theft of intellectual property and theft of identity. factkin, i have never actually seen a person identifying as, just people having “discourse” over, so i dont know if its even real but if it is...i dont even know if i have to argue against it, it’s literally pretending to be another person who is alive?? and is themselves. it’s way beyond wrong to pretend to actually be a famous person, and it is NOT a healthy coping mechanism. it could actually really scare or harm that person they’re pretending to be.

fictionkin is something i have seen a LOT and have friends who id that way, so that’s i guess the big topic here. no problem with otherkin, no one i know is factkin, but fictionkin....

i understand where it would come in as a coping mechanism, i really do. i can relate. i have characters that i’m very attached to, that i relate to very much, that i look up to and want to emulate. some of them i even feel unreasonably possessive over, like “well that’s my favorite character, they can’t be your favorite character if they’re already mine” which probably comes in to play with fictionkin feeling like they ARE the character so nobody else can be the character.

but the thing is, i can’t help but to feel like it’s intellectual property being stolen. it’s one thing to roleplay, to say “hey i know i dont own this character but i’m gonna pretend to be them and explore different scenarios.” the same for cosplaying or writing fanfiction and making fan art. using characters somebody else created to INSPIRE your own art is all fun and games as long as you dont claim to own any of the copyrighted materials.

claiming to BE the fictional character is totally claiming to own it. not legally obviously, i don’t think any fictionkin think they legally have rights to their kin, but definitely a huge mark of ownership to say “This is Me.”

they didn’t create that character. they didn’t spend hours, days, months, pouring their heart soul sweat blood and tears into bringing that character to life. the writer/artist did. when you write, you put literally all of yourself into your characters. every bit of it comes from your thoughts, your unique worldview, the things you’ve seen and learned all mixed together and spat out in a new form. it all comes from the mind of the character’s creator. in a way, their characters are each, them, or have their blood running through their metaphorical veins.

i am PASSIONATE about writing.

claiming to BE that character, that a writer put so much of themselves into, is almost like claiming to be that writer too. at least like carving out a piece of their mind and saying “this is mine, it came from my life in another universe. it doesn’t belong to you. it’s not a unique pattern of emotions and ideas and creativity that you spent years developing. it’s just me from another universe, what a coincidence, right?”

it’s so offensive to steal another person’s hard work like that. and tumblr--tumblr--is supposed to be this place where people care about art theft and crediting the owners matters? and that makes me very, very uncomfortable as an aspiring writer who has my own original characters developing in my head.

important side note: i dont think you can say that fictionkin doesnt actually hurt anyone the way factkin obviously would. i have seen personal accounts from people on tumblr that said people were tagging their ocs/self portraits as kin, or telling them that they were kin with their ocs and they were writing the story wrong in some way, and they were very distressed by it.

so. i have never said anything because i dont want to hurt anyones feelings and i dont want to lose friends, but i also have to be honest and say what i believe if i want to respect myself as a person. so that’s what i believe.

and i don’t think it’s a necessary course of action to cut off ties with someone because they dont believe in fictionkin. its like stopping being friends with someone because they have a different religion than you. i’ve had christian, jewish and muslim friends and as i said, i’m non-religious.

i understand that maybe identifying as a character is more tied with your personal identity than your religious identity, so it’s natural you would feel like people should accept that that character is part of your personality--but please understand that i can accept that there are aspects of all those characters in you and that you relate to them, without expecting me to believe that infinite universes AND reincarnation across those universes exist, which is more than any of my religious friends have asked of me. (ie no one has tried to convert me to their personal spiritual beliefs)

so that said, idk if anyone read all of this, but if you want to stop being my friend over it i wont try to make you change your mind. if youre uncomfortable talking to me after this, its fine and i wont push it. i gave my reasoning for why im willing to stay friends and put our different beliefs aside so know that youre always welcome in my life if you want to be, but i wont force you if you dont.

the next one is worse. stay tuned.

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