#and it's making me lose my sanity
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Last night I posted a 5 year old maiko smut to ao3 (my first ever work and I wrote it 5 years ago! It was supposed to be part of something but I don't remember what it was anymore)
And I also kind of wrote this in Keep:
Reads like a summary, doesn't it?
#why am i doing this i need to get a grip#the thing is this internship leaves me too tired to draw#and it's making me lose my sanity#atla#avatar: the last airbender#azula#zuko#mai#i need azula to realise that she's stronger than ozai#and that ozai was never loyal to her grandpa the way she was to him#basically for her to think that she's better and doesn't need his approval#i just felt like word vomitting
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I. AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH. I’m okay I’m fine I’m okay I’m fine I’m oka
The fic I'm illustrating and losing my mind about 👉 Mistakes on mistakes until
#maccadam#transformers#prowl#jazz#jazzprowl#momu fanart#fic fanart#LISTEN.#I DON'T THINK JAZZ IS GONNA DIE.#BUT I THINK HE M I G HT#Like.#I don't even know anymore#something in me tells me that everything will be fine#but! throughout this whole fic my inner voice was absolutely. completely#DRAMATICALLY fucking wrong 90% of the time#so it's not like I can't trust the tropes#I can't even trust myself anymore ahahahah#his 'see you on the other side' YOU SENSE IT TOO RIGHT?? ri g h t?#or Is it me just finally losing the last pieces of my sanity?#both ways - I fucking love this fic#I want to make it into a physical copy for myself once it's finished (despite printer ink costing like an airplane wing in my country lol)
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Fly me to the moon~
#idk if tumblr is good for uploading videos#anyways I spent the ENTIRE DAY making this#was slowly losing my sanity drawing it frame by frame#btw the episode was amazing#the animation the direction the atmosphere the voice acting#everything was perfect#I actually shed a tear#it's was the first time mha anime made me cry#bnha#mha#my hero academia#boku no hero academia#togachako#himiko toga#ochako uraraka#animation
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OK SO CAN WE TALK ABOUT THE WHOLE EYES BEING IMPORTANT TO THE CHARACTERS THING. because this chapter had a whole lot of that. ohhh boy it had a lot!!!!! it did!!!!!
FIRSTLY. akutagawa. for a while, his eyes have been pitch-black. last chapter, they regained their light, as he remembered atsushi. and then they're pitch-black again in this chapter-- as the person who brought light to them, to akutagawa himself, is gone.

SECONDLY. dazai. as he tells akutagawa he can "certainly" give him a reason to live, at the same time, he himself looks like he has no reason to live, as if he's not living at all. his eyes are dark and dead. pitch-blacm just as akutagawa's were at the start of the manga, and this chapter, but with none of the determination or bite akutagawa has. just emptiness.

THIRDLY. (child) akutagawa. his eyes aren't empty, nor pitch-black at first. they're dark, with light within. he has not been shown light, nor has he been pushed into the shadows. they become purely fully of light when dazai claims he can give akutagawa a reason to live.


his eyes turn his signature pitch-black with his time in the mafia. he was not given a reason to live. he was given fear, pain, emptiness, and desensitivity to brutality. the chance of light and goodness in his eyes from when he was a child is erased by the port mafia-- by dazai.

his eyes become like dazai's dark, lifeless ones as dazai trains him. any chance at light, or goodness, or happiness, or true life is sapped from him and replaced with violence, abuse, the mafia, dazai, dazai, dazai!
atsushi is what brings akutagawa that light. and when atsushi is gone, the light is gone.
"the light in somebody's eyes" is a phrase meant to refer to someone's spark of life. their reason to live. akutagawa says that killing atsushi "became [his] sole motivation." but when atsushi dies, that takes the light out of his eyes. his reason to live vanishes along with atsushi.
atsushi is akutagawa's reason to live, isn't he?
#bsd#bungou stray dogs#bungo stray dogs#shin soukoku#sskk#bsd analysis#bungou gay dogs#bsd akutagawa#akutagawa bsd#bsd dazai#dazai bsd#atsushi bsd#bsd atsushi#fun analysis I woke up thinking about and could not get out of my head#bsd 122#bsd chapter 122#bsd spoilers#bsd manga#losing my sanity by the minute I love this series#shin soukoku make me ill
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I hate when people say "Eurylochus was surely going to cheat on Ctimene bc he betrayed Odysseus" and "Eurylochus would be alive if he had been more devoted to Ctimene"
Not only bc they are throwing shit at Eurylochus but they are indirectly throwing shit at Odysseus
Eurylochus killing the cow (from my point of view) was an act of passive suicide and Odysseus was going to commit suicide in the wisdom saga both were pushed to the limit, that means that the two were not devoted enough to their wives? OBVIOUSLY NOT
Eurylochus did not trust Odysseus and Odysseus did not trust Eurylochus and that does not mean that they are not faithful to their wives, They were in COMPLICATED situations, it was difficult to trust each other. Both are two sides of the same coin, honestly throwing shit at one is throwing shit at the other indirectly
Obviously all the shit goes to Eurylochus bc aja en este fandom odiamos a los negros (/s /hj) but it drives me crazy how they are throwing shit at Odysseus indirectly
#I'm not a fan of giving my opinions on tumblr#But some comments on tiktok make me lose my sanity#cw sui mention#english is not my first language#epic the musical#eurylochus#epic eurylochus#epic odysseus#epic ctimene
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powerful mental image of lucanis expounding passionately about any given one of his limited but extremely deep areas of interest (the wyvern/knives/coffee/cooking/murder continuum of lucanis dellamorte special interests if you will) while rye lounges around and Beholds him with palpable twink boutta pounce energy
#having lucanis really go off about something no matter what it is is a rare and precious gift for rye specifically. free aphrodisiac#honestly rye's version of that might initially be subtle enough that only davrin would notice it (and suffer accordingly) lol#'could you guys do that while I'm not here. I'm starting to feel sick' '*perfectly innocent rye voice* do what davrin? I'm not even#doing anything :}' 'yeah you're doing nothing with a lot of subtext rook there are whole chains of footnotes here I'd rather not know'#very funny idea of rye leaving the top button of his shirt open (which means about one centimeter of throat exposed. to be clear)#to go to dinner b/c that is enough to make lucanis completely lose his train of thought every time he glances over#and davrin with half his glorious booba out at all times shaking his head at rye across the table like 'you harlot (affectionate)'#(may I remind us all that his first crush was viago de riva. I remind myself of this at least twice a week b/c it's one of my few sources#of joy and delight these days. rye only gets as mean as viago under very rare and specific cirumstances but I think that#might be lucanis' equivalent aphrodisiac material lol. whenever rook gets tried to the point of showing his hand that not only#IS he actually very clever he also has the capacity to be a *bitch* when provoked lucanis finds his trousers suddenly a little tight.#man something here about both of them struggling with holding on to their anger yet actually finding it appealing in the other person#that's actually kind of moving as well as hilarious haha. rye losing his cool and being like 'oh fuck my cover is blown yet again#now everyone will know I am an asshole actually' and meanwhile lucanis is like 'I need to kiss him under the pale moonlight' <3#something something nothing is more beautiful to me than the fullness of your nature getting to witness the full spectrum of your being#'*davrin facepalming just out of frame as they gaze upon each other like this* literally what did I just SAY!!! assan avert your eyes#this is grownup stuff. weird-ass grownup stuff I don't fully get and yet I suppose it takes all kinds etc. but still grownup stuff')#davrin being the baffled witness to the intricate yet extremely low-key mating dance of two introverts is something that can be so personal#he clocked them from the moment they showed up to recruit him (which to be clear is before either of these two dumbasses realized anything)#and now he has to live with it <3 sorry davrin I love you davrin#dragon age#dragon age: the veilguard#oc: Ellaryen Ingellvar#lucanis dellamorte#davrin#from my tag rants etc.#rook x lucanis#rookanis#holding on to my sanity and will to live by a shred but with how coherent and sane this is I'm sure it's not even noticeable
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no lube, no protection, all night, all day, from the kitchen floor to the toilet seat, from the dining table to the bedroom, from the bathroom sink to the shower, from the front porch to the balcony, vertically, horizontally, quadratic, exponential, logarithmic, while I gasp for air, scream and see the light, missionary, cowgirl, reverse cowgirl, doggy, backwards, sideways, upside down, on the floor, in the bed, on the couch, on a chair, being carried against the wall, outside, in a train, on a plane, in the car, on a motorcycle, the the bed of a truck, on a trampoline, in a bounce house, in the pool, bent over, in the basement, against the window, have the most toe curling, back arching, leg shaking, dick throbbing, fist clenching, ear ringing, mouth drooling, ass clenching, nose sniffling, eye watering, eye rolling, hip thrusting, earthquaking, sheet gripping, knuckles cracking, jaw dropping, hair pulling, teeth jitterbug, mind blogging, soul snatching, overstimulating, vile, sloppy,moan inducing, heart wrenching, spine tingling, back breaking, atrocious,gushy, creamy, beastly, lip biting, gravity defying, nail biting, sweaty, feet kicking, mind blowing, body shivering, orgasmic, bone breaking, world ending, black hole creating, universe destroying, devious, scrumptious, amazing, delightful, delectable, unbelievable, body numbing, bark worthy, can't walk, head nodding, soul evaporating, volcano erupting, sweat rolling, voice cracking, trembling, sheets soaked, hair drenched, flabbergasting, lip locking, skin peeling, eyelash removing, eye widening, pussy popping, nail scratching, back cuts, spectacular, brain cell desolving, hair ripping, show stopping, magnificent, unique, extraordinary, slendid, phenomenal, mouth foaming, heavenly, awakening, devils tango ever bro could cause a nuclear bomb inside me and I'd still ride.
#◢ 𝐊𝐀𝐘'𝐒 𝐁𝐀𝐁𝐁𝐋𝐄𝐒 ◣#i am on my last ounce of sanity#and im completely losing it#gonna go haywire in about 0.2 seconds#😀😀😀#but ive said it before#and ill say it again#THIS MAN CAN HAVE ANYTHING HE WANTS#HE CAN JUST ASK#AND ID DO IT IN A HEARTBEAT#NO QUESTIONS ASKED#YOU WANT THE HOUSE CLEWN?#ILL BE IN A MAID IUTFIT SCRUBBING THE FLOOR CLEAN#YOU WANT DINNER COOKED WHEN YOU GET HOM#DONE#ILL MAKE THE BEST PASTA YOUVE EVER HAD#YOU WANT TEN KIDS???#BABY JUST BEND ANF BREAKF ME HOWEVER YOU SEE FIT#I DO NOT CARE#AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH#✧༺𝓶𝔂 𝓫𝓸𝔂𝓼༻✧#'*•.¸♡ 𝓳𝓪𝓴𝓮𝔂 ♡¸.•*'
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silly software-based doodles
i've noticed i generally like putting these guys in their lower ranges, and while that's fine for the most part w/ adjustments, oliver usually ends up suffering b/c he is not built to go that low 😭😭
also related to oliver: he is not built for really fast songs 😭 i mean i suppose you can force him to sing one but even w/ adjustments he's not gonna sound all that great, definitely more suited for slower-paced songs
all the jpnloids can easily exchange a bunch of .vpr/.vsqx & whatever files w/ each other b/c duh native japanese support. rip oliver and moke in non-native jpn jail since if i want them to sing one of those i have to do SO MUCH manual phoneme correction... explodes
#my art lol#vocaloid#flower vocaloid#fukase vocaloid#oliver vocaloid#utatane piko#kagamine len#zhiyu moke#quickly posting this cause i gotta get back to working on this fuckass essay is2g. i needed to doodle smthn silly to not lose my sanity#but i gotta lock in after this fr. ughhhh 2 MORE WEEKS IM ALMOST FREE...... save me vocaloids#but yeah fuckign around in the software itself is fun. i wish i was good at tuning 😭🥴 but hey i mean#if i can make silly things good enough for me then goal accomplished. everything is an experiment and im a mad scientist#oliver's a little shit to work w/ sometimes but thats part of the fun/challenge ig??? he's not as headache-inducing as some other bitches#nah cause at this point i can do most of his phoneme conversions to get him to speak somewhat good jpn (or spanish?) from memory 🥴
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WIP

Put it back in the oven the blorbos aren’t done yet
Edit: Please go check out the finished version:)
#backgrounds making me lose my sanity#but you gotta draw them to get better 🙄#wip art#my art#muru art#named oc: Dorian#fhr#fallen hero#fallen hero ortega#fallen hero sidestep#fhr ortega#fhr sidestep
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Sketchbook Friday #23
Alternate Title: OH GOD HE’S GOT ME SOMEONE HELP M
Alright so it’s been over a year since I posted one of these (HOW) but I have been trying to draw regularly again so here we go


Vehicon practice for an upcoming AU sketch :)

Read through almost the entirety of IDW and I cannot stress enough how fast I’d die for Nickel if she asked me to
And speaking of IDW




GET HIM OUT OF MY BRAIN OH MY GODD
IT’S OVERLORD HOUR 24/7 MAKE HIM STOP
#tfp vehicons#idw nickel#transformers nickel#idw overlord#transformers overlord#tf overlord#transformers prime#tfp#transformers idw#transformers#maccadam#my art#sketchbook friday#legitimately cannot stop thinking about the big blue bastard it’s a PROBLEMM#he’s so good for condescending facial expressions tho#he’s not even living rent free in my head anymore#he’s making ME pay rent to HIM#rewiring shit in there as we speak#hyperfixation hit so hard I’m having to resist the urge to gnaw on furniture#RRGRHRHRGRHRHGRHRHTGRGTHTHTHTHTGGRGRGRHRGFRGRGR#RFRGRHRGHTGRHTHRGTHRHHRGRGRHRHRGRGGR#anyway.#it’s finals week and I’ve gotten 7 hours of sleep total in the last 48 hours#and it looks like I have two more all nighters ahead of me#so losing touch with my sanity a bit here lol
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if I had a penny for everytime luigi awakened ancient evil/was a vessel for a force of evil I'd have 2 pennies. Which isnt a lot but its funny it happened twice
#super paper mario#spm#luigi#super mario#dimentio#dimentio spm#this took me way too long to make#luigi the silly guy#idk how else to tag this#dimentio has me locked up in their basement send help#im slowly losing my sanity#mr l just in the background like
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#star wars memes#sw memes#tcw memes#star wars fandom#sw fandom#star wars#the clone wars#cameron monaghan#star wars attack of the clones#star wars fallen order#jaro tapal#cal kestis#arc trooper fives#nala se#sw fanfic#ewan mcgregor#istg every pic of him makes me lose a little more of my sanity#the bad batch#clone troopers#star wars prequels#tcw#sw#my memes
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Louder for people at the back, Miss Sinclair.
++ LADY GAGA'S BODYGUARD SAYING "BACK UP AND TURN AROUND" AS SUPPORT VOCALS SOUNDS LIKE ROURKE SPEAKING AT AN INTERCOM. I'M CRYING 😭😂
#ma'am please#you're making me lose my marbles#and my sanity#beautifully i might add#atlantis: the lost empire#atle#atlantis#helga katrina sinclair#helga sinclair#helga atlantis#disney atlantis#lieutenant helga sinclair
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can we all see how mashfinn is quite literally a "i wish loving you wasnt a sin" ship
#mashle#mashle magic and muscles#mashfinn#finnmash#LOOK AND ITS NOT ONLY BECAUSE THEYRE MLM#aughhhh#where are my fics abt this... wjere...#hashtag mashle yaoi makes me lose my sanity
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doodle of drebber i made in rblx freedraw
#im working on a really high effort drawing rn and it’s making me lose my sanity so i have to doodle lmao#for my health’s sake#tgaa#dgs#enoch drebber#art
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hey just to let you know, I wrote the dick pic comic from you abogagos post into a fic! I found the situation hilarious and decided to give it a go.
here's the link: https://archiveofourown.org/works/60821428
feel free to give it a read!

LETS FUCKING GO
#NO FUCKING WAY YOU NAMED IT ‘ACCIDENTALLY?’#IM LOSING MY SHIT . IM ACTUALLY. LAUGHED SO HARD READING THIS#THEYRE SO STUPID I HATE THEM. I LOVE THEM. WTF#edgeworth: for my own sanity I cannot let my mind wander about why wright sounded out of breath right after sending me a- scandalous photo#me: alright yeah makes sense. still got that stick up your ass I fuck w it#edgeworth: so instead im going to make him come out kicking and screaming starting with my vinyl record of Fleetwood Mac Rumours#LMAOOOOO. ARE YOU SERIOJS. LMAOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO#THIS IS SO OVRR THE TOP AND YET SO BELIEVABLE FOR ME. ACE FUCKIGN ATTORNEY#casually dropping the bombshell that Phoenix Wright does thirst traps on tinder AS FHE LEAD UP TO THIS. AND IT WORKS#I ENJOYED READING THIS SM IM HONORED YOU TOOK IT AND ROLLED WITH IT. OH MY GOD
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