#and it's going to take me long since I am extremely thorough and critical of redemption stories. and I do not intend to handwave anything | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

thorraborinn · 4 years ago

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I am not accusing you of anything here :3 but since you are influenced by (three?) different indigenous cultures, where would you draw the line in regard of appropriation?

Excellent question. This is something I’ve been trying to figure out the right way to address, because cultural appropriation is very serious, but what we don’t want to do is accidentally re-create a racial or ethnic essentialism that prevents us from positive, non-exploitative sharing of culture, especially when it prevents people from listening to messages that are intended for them to hear. I also eagerly concede to not knowing all of the answers here, which necessitates a willingness to learn and reevaluate.

I’m gonna make this long and full of details from my own personal experience, not because I feel like I need to excuse or defend myself but for a sort of more complicated reason. Cultural appropriation and the creation of relations of learning, solidarity, and accountability are two extremely different things that can bear some surface resemblance. I think it’s important for heathens to do the latter, but I also think that they are, by and large, not actually philosophically or emotionally prepared to. I don’t want to encourage something that I believe is going to be misinterpreted, and through that misinterpretation, encourage heathens to engage in appropriation. So rather than give a general description of what people should do, I’ll describe what I have done, and in doing so also open it up to criticism.

But the quick answer is: I allow them to speak for themselves, take only what I’m given, don’t obscure my relationship to them by pretending to be something I’m not, and finally I understand that this relationship must be reciprocal in some way, even if indirectly, but preferably with actual face-to-face contact.

If a white person is about to read this looking for me to give you a green light on appropriation you might as well move on now, what I’m about to describe doesn’t resemble at all what you’re trying to do

So, based on your count of three, I think that comes from this post: https://thorraborinn.tumblr.com/post/642920557129662464/this-is-a-more-general-question-but-since-most-of. In reality it’s more than that, because I’m also influenced by Indigenous people who live locally to me and I’ve interacted with face-to-face. For example I’m currently reading the Haudenosaunee Great Law of Peace, which I’m being encouraged to do by a Mohawk man I’ve been writing to. I’ve also had limited exposure to African Diaspora traditions in a setting where I was invited to serve a specific organizationally-determined role; I haven’t had sustained influence from those traditions because that was a temporary connection and the conditions for a sustained relationship with accountability to the people involved weren’t there.

My Mayan influence comes from reading works published by or in collaboration with the Zapatistas, an Indigenous-led militant autonomous movement in southern Mexico. Most recently, the most thorough contributor in a way that influences how I think of cultural topics is Autonomy is in Our Hearts: Zapatista Autonomous Government through the Lens of the Tsotsil Language by Sylan Eldredge Fitzwater (who isn't Maya, but is an invited student of their school for "freedom according to Zapatismo"), but it comes out in all of their works in one way or another. I have quoted the Zapatistas on this blog before, for example in talking about models of organization that heathens should be learning from for how to organize ourselves. They are deliberately spreading their message on their own terms, hoping that the people of the world will listen, learn from them, and implement what they learn in their own contexts. I also buy stuff directly from them (especially coffee).

What I am not doing (for example) is claiming to have a nagual. I might even learn more about naguales, but I'm not claiming it as my own or implementing that knowledge for my own benefit. I might read about their interaction between the idea of a nagual and the other parts of their politics, and get new ideas about being a political actor with a fylgja, but I'll turn to the sources from my own customs in order to develop that. Because the thing is, I don't want to take something from them, I want to find something that I have that I can, in turn, offer back to the rest of the world like they have, and work for what the Zapatistas call "a world in which many worlds fit."

My Mapuche influence comes mostly from two specific books by the same author, Ana Mariella Bacigalupo. The one which I have read cover-to-cover and quoted on this blog is Thunder Shaman: Making History with Mapuche Spirits in Chile and Patagonia. This book is extremely special in that it was written not just in collaboration with, but actually at the request of the machi that it's about, with the approval of her community. It was published in English specifically because machi Francisca wanted the biggest audience possible, which would facilitate her reincarnation. But aside from that, Mapuche people have also been active in the ongoing political struggles in Chile and I have tried to follow their situation and spread that information to people in the US.

I want to make something clear real quick. I mention anthropologists a couple times in this post. Something coming from anthropological academia is by no means a reason to trust it. Historically, more often than not, anthropology has been used as a tool of colonization. When you read a work produced by an anthropologist it’s necessary to investigate what the relationship of that scholar is the the people they are writing about.

Again, I am making no claims to any Mapuche customs. Despite a number of really breathtaking parallels between their culture and the way that I have conceived of Scandinavian pre-Christian culture, this deepens my connection to my own roots rather than makes me want to claim theirs. I can learn new ways to related to my own culture by analogy rather than by outright taking, and also (as in the link I posted) help to identify and dismantle the assumptions of the western philosophy that dominates today, and also help me understand how things that are understood in a ritual or mythical context might manifest in political and social life, which gives me more tools to investigate how my own myths and rituals can play out that way. The “influence” doesn’t take the form of using their practices for myself but it certainly impacted what I wrote about the concept of óðal the other day, because of the way that the Mapuche have suffered and had their land ripped away from them especially by German farmers operating on principles that exist in a genealogy with the reshaping of social and land relations in the Germanic past. This article, “With Land, Without the State: Anarchy in Wallmapu,” has also had a major impact on me. The following passage from that article has impacted the way I view both contemporary tactics for political organization and for my analysis of the intertwined nature of the formation of Scandinavian kingdoms and the end of pre-Christian heathenry:

José explains that winka, the term the Mapuche have given to the European invaders, simply means “new Inca.” Before the arrival of the conquistadors, the Inca nation were already engaging in a sort of regional imperialism, which the Mapuche wanted no part in. The Inca armies got as far south as present-day Santiago, where they were defeated and consistently prevented from advancing any farther. When the Spanish arrived, the Mapuche treated them as just the most recent invaders, and defeated them as well. It’s a point of pride that the Inca, who had an advanced, centralized civilization, fell easily to the conquistadors, while the Mapuche, who were decentralized, never did. What the Spanish couldn’t understand was that there was no single Mapuche army. Each group of communities had their own toki, and if the Spanish won a battle against one group of warriors, as soon as they advanced a little farther they’d have to face another one.

For the Zapatistas and the Mapuche peoples, it’s also been important for me to recognize the complicity of my own country’s (USA) role in their historical oppression. Just to give one example, Chile’s social and economic hardships were practically designed by American right-wing libertarian economists. The CIA backed the coup that overthrew the democratically-elected socialist Salvador Allende and installed the military dictator Augusto Pinochet, whose cabinet was filled with students of Milton Friedman and were given free reign to implement his policies, leading to outrageous income inequality (not to mention starkly revealing the fact that free market capitalism and military dictatorship go hand-in-hand). To be fair, many Mapuche had also had problems with Allende, who also did not recognize their sovereignty and regarded them simply as the proletariat with no class distinction between Indigenous and settlers (this isn’t relevant to my answer here, but including it for full disclosure).

Furthermore, Pinochet’s (and post-Pinochet “democratic”) Chile was also home to Miguel Serrano, one of the most prominent and important of the esoteric Hitlerist occultists whose work dialogues with the same Nazi occultism that proliferates in folkish heathenry. David Lane’s group Wotansvolk is the main source of the spread of Serrano’s works in English. The Chilean neo-nazi movement that Serrano was so important to has recently been doing some of the government’s dirty work in repressing Mapuche (though, the carabineros, the national police, can basically murder with impunity anyway). The point is, we share a common enemy, provided that heathens have the guts to actually fight (the Mapuche don’t have a choice -- it’s life or death for them). So we can also talk of “influence” by way of understanding our historical relations to each other.

Negro Matapacos (’Black Cop-killer’), a Chilean riot dog, on a sticker in New York City during the 2019 subway protests -- a reminder of the international character of local struggles. Obviously it isn’t just Mapuche who have taken part in the Chilean protests but many of the participants are Mapuche.

My Buryat influence is a little different. There have been a lot of Buryats who are proud of their culture and want to share it, provided that the other person approaches it respectfully, doesn’t start calling themselves a “shaman” because they feel like it (shamans are born, not something that someone decides to become), exploits their culture for personal profit, or waters it down to make it more accessible. It’s considered appropriate for an outsider to celebrate it with them if they are invited by someone who is part of the culture, as long as they stay in their lane. There are many Buryat Mongols who speak English, and there is a considerable diaspora. They are also very clear that there is no separation between their “religion” and their “culture” more generally, so that anyone who tries to adapt the “religion” without engaging directly with the actual people that make up the traditions has no hope of doing it right. Many of them are aware of Germanic paganism and have opinions about it and it’s worth listening to them about that; in my experience they tend to agree that our respective cultures have considerable affinities. I’ve had a small amount of email correspondence in addition to learning from websites made by Buryats to preserve, document, and promote their culture. An anthropological works that I’ve read and been influence by, Fortune and the Cursed by Katherine Swancutt, was written with input and approval from the people it documented.

In all of these cases, my “influence” is coming from or mediated by real, living people who have control over their message. I don’t filter out the “political” part of the message to get to the parts that I can take for myself. That isn’t to say that it isn’t of benefit to me -- it is. But then, that demands the activation of my own customs; because I have benefited from this situation my own Scandinavian custom regards that as simultaneously being responsibility, and my efforts toward the recreation of heathenry in the world mean that I must work to continually better understand that responsibility and put it into action. I don’t have the means to exchange “a gift for a gift” directly (other than literally giving money, which I do) but given the international nature of the enemies of liberation and the actual types of calls to action that the Zapatistas put out, the ways I try to live up to that responsibility involve working in my own area in the ways I mentioned briefly in the third paragraph after the break.

#ask #anon

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missmentelle · 4 years ago

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Would you say it's the same thing for ADHD? I was diagnosed as having 'traits of adhd' a few years back and always assumed it was more a reflection of the fact that i was diagnosed by a med student not being supervised who made some significant errors in the way she tested me as well as omitting what I thought were some significant observations from her writeup, but I've been wondering lately whether I am actually ADHD or not

It’s the same for all disorders - if a diagnosing professional wrote down on a psychology report that you have “traits of” a mental disorder, it means that they felt you did not meet the criteria for a full diagnosis at that time, most likely for one of five reasons:

You didn’t have enough symptoms to meet the minimum required for the diagnosis, or you were missing a key symptom that is required to make that diagnosis.

Your symptoms are not severe enough to warrant a diagnosis; they do not cause significant disruption or impairment in your daily life.

Your symptoms only occur in one specific context (eg. you have symptoms at school, but not at home, work or with friends), or your symptoms are a side effect of medication or intoxication.

Your symptoms have not been going on long enough to meet the criteria for the diagnosis, they don’t occur frequently enough to make the diagnosis, you have long symptom-free periods that negate the diagnosis, or your symptoms did not appear at an age consistent with the onset of that diagnosis.

You sort of meet the criteria for the diagnosis, but there is a different diagnosis that does a much better job of explaining your symptoms (this is sometimes listed as a “differential diagnosis”, rather than “traits of X”).

A report stating that a person has “traits of” a certain disorder or “features of” a disorder is actually extremely common. I’ve probably read more than thousand psych reports at this point in my career, and it’s quite normal for phrasing like that to appear on them. Usually, this is actually a sign that the person is being rather thorough - they are noting that they considered ADHD as a possible diagnosis but ultimately could not make the diagnosis for some reason or other. As I said, other reports may format this differently, and include a list of “differential diagnoses” in the conclusion - this is a list of diagnoses that they considered but ultimately ruled out for one reason or another.

Unfortunately, learning that you have “traits” of a disorder doesn’t really tell us much, especially without seeing the full psych report. Maybe you didn’t have ADHD then, but you have since developed it. Maybe you don’t have it and never did. Maybe you have some other sort of executive dysfunction or disorder that explains your symptoms, but it was missed the last time around. Maybe a diagnosis of ADHD was warranted back then, and still is. Maybe you only have ADHD symptoms in a specific context, which would make you ineligible for diagnosis but suggests there is something going on that needs to be addressed. I don’t know enough about your case to know for sure. All that I know is that the only way to be sure if you have ADHD - or any other mental disorder that you may be concerned about - is to seek a second opinion and get another assessment done.

(I’m going to give some clarification about what having “traits of” a disorder means for other readers who may have similar questions. You should know, though, that ADHD is actually slightly different than other disorders like BPD that you may have “traits of” - ADHD is a neurological condition that responds to medication, and if you are given ADHD medication when you don’t actually have ADHD, you are going to notice pretty quickly that you’ve been misdiagnosed. If you calm down and get more sleep while taking what is effectively speed, you can be pretty sure that ADHD is the correct diagnosis for you. People with other disorders like depression, agoraphobia, PTSD and BPD don’t have the same kind of litmus test available for their diagnosis.)

It’s important to remember that everyone has traits of at least one diagnosable disorder - most people will have traits of several. Some people are more easily distractible than others, some people have more trouble sleeping, some people are naturally low-energy or feel more intense emotions. If you browse through a copy of the DSM-V, you are going to find some stuff in there that sounds like it applies to you. Nobody has perfect mental health, especially in their teens and early 20s. But most people do not meet the criteria for the diagnosis of a mental disorder.

This is where we have to think critically about what a diagnosis actually is, why we do it, and what it actually means. Diagnosing a psychological disorder is not like diagnosing a medical disorder, where we can do some blood tests and scans and know exactly what a person has. Psychological diagnoses are always subjective, to some extent - we made categories to describe common clusters of behaviours and symptoms, and we decided where to draw the line between “someone who is just quirky” and “someone who needs formal psychological treatment”. Where exactly we draw that line has always been the subject of debate.

We could make it so that everyone who has any sort of mental health flaw at all gets diagnosed with a disorder, but that sort of defeats the point of diagnosis - if almost everyone on earth has a diagnosis, then a diagnosis effectively becomes meaningless. There’s no longer meaningful distinction between “someone with an overactive imagination” and “someone with treatment-resistant psychosis” - it all just gets slapped with the same diagnosis. It can also lead us to “medicalize” behaviours that might not need to be “medicalized”. After all, if we diagnose someone, we need to do something about that diagnosis. Diagnosing them means we’ve identified that they need some sort of treatment or intervention. But do all quirks in human behavior really need to be ironed out with treatment? Do we really want to build a world where everyone who falls outside a very rigid definition of mental health gets told that they have something wrong with them? Likewise, if we make diagnosis too restrictive, that’s not good either. Now we have the opposite problem - if we make the criteria for a diagnosis too strict and too narrow, we miss people who might seriously benefit from having treatment. If we say “you need to be severely suicidal before we can diagnose you with depression”, we’re going to overlook a lot of non-suicidal people whose depressive symptoms are ruining their lives, and who could be treated if we just recognized them as depressed. If we are only diagnosing and helping the most severe of the severe cases, we aren’t really making good use of the tools available to us and diagnosis once again becomes basically meaningless, because not having one is no longer a good indicator of whether or not you need help.

Diagnosis is a balancing act, and there are a lot of people who fall in kind of a grey area where it’s not totally clear if we should be diagnosing them or not. People are complicated, and they rarely fit neatly into categories. If we have a twenty-year-old girl who experiments with drugs, has a lot of short-term and casual dating relationships that end poorly, struggles to make and keep friends, and doesn’t really have a stable sense of who she is and what she wants, does she have BPD? Or is she just a normal 20-year-old? How would we decide? If we diagnose her, we might be pathologizing behaviour that isn’t really all that unusual for her age group, and making her feel like she’s defective for struggling with things that are pretty normal for someone her age to be struggling with; diagnosing her could make her believe that she’s incapable of healthy relationships, which could become a self-fulfilling prophecy. On the other hand, if we don’t diagnose her, we could be missing the fact that she does actually have a fairly serious disorder, and depriving her of the chance to get life-changing treatment that might help her develop the healthier, more fulfilling relationships that she has been missing out on. We could be leaving her to deal with her destructive behaviours on her own, without having any of the language or tools she needs to disrupt those patterns.

If you’ve been assessed by a mental health professional and you have questions about how they reached the conclusions they did, I encourage you to ask questions and have an open conversation about your symptoms, possible treatments and needs. If you don’t feel that they have a good understanding of your case, I highly encourage you to get a second opinion on your diagnosis from another professional. Whenever possible, seek a diagnosis from someone who specializes in mental health - this should be a psychologist or psychiatrist (or in some cases, a neurologist), and not a general practitioner or family doctor (some family doctors can diagnose and treat basic depression, but even then, you should seek a referral to a specialist for further treatment and assessment). Also remember that diagnosis does not have to be a barrier to seeking therapy - anyone can get therapy, even if they do not meet the criteria for a psychological diagnosis, and everyone can benefit from seeking out a therapist to improve their coping skills, social skills, and general mental health. Hope this answers your question! MM

#Anonymous #AnsweredByMM

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witchofrvnswood · 4 years ago

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a thorough rant on why i despise awwp // part 1

TRIGGER WARNING: EATING DISORDERS, FATSHAMING, AND BAD BODY IMAGE ARE DISCUSSED IN A LATER SECTION OF THE POST

It’s been a long time coming guys,,,

But here it is.

I don’t know how this is going to end but it won’t be pretty.

So, AWWP is the sequel to SGE, a book in which the author claims he addresses themes such as feminism, girls vs boys, and what not.

I feel like the book fails on many counts and does not even follow what Soman Chainani has described it as and intended it to be.

The first part of this rant will be centered around the themes of this book. The next part will touch on the plot and some of the characters in this book.

Let’s dissect this, shall we?

Toxic Feminism

God, this one drove me beyond insanity and is probably the worst plot point this book has to offer. I don’t even get what the author achieved by writing this ?? Instead of showing girls being progressive and realizing their true individual power and potential after an entire school year of being told they were objects and being trained to be beautiful and submissive to buys, he decides to show extreme feminism where girls just disown anything, ANYTHING that relates to femininity.

Of course they don’t have to wear makeup. Of course they don’t need long, luscious locks. But to claim that girls only have these assets to impress boys is sexism in itself. “Third, we debeautified makeup as a pawn of patriarchy designed entirely to attract men,” the teacher went on.” Not to mention, Evelyn Sader, the woman pushing this agenda, isn’t following any of these rules herself and is running this sexist school while trying to trap two teenage girls just to get a man’s favor ??? What ?????

And of course. The whole enslaving boys thing. So many people falsely believe that feminism is about hating boys and that girls are supreme which is why so many people scoff at it. Because if this is the way feminism is being represented in media, in a CHILDRENS’ book, of course people are going to misunderstand it! This puts such a bad name on feminism and is just downright insulting to everything the feminist movement has worked for and now the author is pushing this idea into young children and teens.

This entire book is set up to tell the readers that girls cannot be independent because they’ll end up enslaving men which cannot happen because they need men and can’t live without them! This idea is even pushed by Hester, HESTER of all people, who is said to hate boys. The way she says it makes absolutely no sense to her character whatsoever. ““Shut up,” Hester boomed, spinning back to Agatha. “No one likes boys! Even girls who like boys can’t stand boys! They smell, they talk too much, they mess up everything, and they always have their hands in their pants, but that doesn’t mean we can go to school without them! It’s like stymphs without bones! It’s like witches without warts! Without boys, LIFE HAS NO POINT!”

What,,, why,,,, why would you make Hester say something to that effect ? She basically said that girls need boys to function and that “their lives are pointless without boys”. I’m sorry,,, I just,,,, guys, I lost it at that point. Take a shot every time this book makes me lose brain cells, much?? :p

The ending really defines this theme in this book. The last book ended with two girls choosing each other and this book went on and on about how that was WRONG, how only a girl and boy could be together. And then this book ends with a girl and a boy choosing each other and now that is supposedly “the right ending”. We know it’s not from Book 3, but does what’s said and done in Book 3 even matter since they ended up together anyways??

Overall, I just,,, I just don’t know where Soman was going with this. I just don’t. He doesn’t seem like an anti feminist but I feel like what he does is, he takes a controversial issue, puts his own problematic spin on it, tries to write it as overdramatic and satirical and just ends up writing a really close minded take on it which ends up affecting his readers, whose age demographic is usually 8-12.

He means well, he really does, and I know that. But he needs to step up his game. I honestly don’t know why his editor, who is a woman, let him publish awful messages like these,,, maybe he’s really convincing? We know he can’t take criticism though (*cough* instagram live *cough*)

But this leads to my next point: The body image messages in this book.

Body Image

TRIGGER WARNING: I DISCUSS GLORIFIED EATING DISORDERS, FATSHAMING, BAD BODY IMAGE, ETC. IF ANY OF THESE ARE TRIGGERS FOR YOU OR MAKE YOU UNCOMFORTABLE, STOP READING. THE RANT ENDS AFTER THIS SECTION.

Whew wee, where do I start.

Here is another example of how Soman’s self claimed satire goes way too far and ends up being destructive.

The way the Evergirls are looked down upon by Sophie and Agatha for starting to eat more and not care about their weight or beauty is appalling to me. Sophie has always prioritized looks, which makes sense for her character to be disgusted by the Evers (not okay though!) but Agatha’s disgust makes no sense. This girl refused to take showers or brush her hair just a year ago, so I don’t know why she’s so disgusted by the Evergirls carelessness of their appearance.

Reena is even described with clear disgust in the book about how she had acquired a large bottom by eating chocolate and even candy is found repulsive by Sophie and Professor Anemone and the judgement they show towards the Evergirls for eating these is just awful. This message is really destructive and choosing whether or not to consume sweets is every individual’s own decision. Adding in the idea that eating sweets will make you gain lots of weight to your book is so harmful to young minds. And writing about how the protagonists, who the characters the readers look up to, are disgusted by girls putting on weight is horrible.

But the biggest victim of this theme is Dot. Dot, who was bullied endlessly for being overweight in the previous book. Dot, who somehow lost so much weight over the course of nine months that she went from being rotund to skinny with hour glass curves.

Okay, let’s break this down: there is no way, absolutely no way, that a person can lose THAT much weight in less than a year and still be healthy. Dot was not shown to have any health problems. When explaining how she had done this, she claimed she was “hungry all the time” and was solely snacking on vegetables such as carrots or celery. She further claimed that all of this was “worth it” as she is now popular and has a great social life.

I’m not,,,, I can’t even,,,, this. This is what you call glorifying an eating disorder. Are you going to read that above paragraph and tell me that people won’t feel inspired by Dot? That a self conscious girl won’t read about Dot’s “amazing” weight loss story and how “amazing” her life is after becoming skinny is not going to feel jealous and most likely try something to that affect,,,, I,,,, Soman, WHERE is your tact?

This is so disgusting and I am so sorry to anyone who was affected by this. If you don’t know, there was a movement of sorts on Instagram where the sge fans confronted Soman for how his way of writing eating disorders and weight problems seriously affected them and ended up making them self conscious or develop their own eating disorders.

This is all made worse by the fact that he just laughed it off, said he wrote it for humor, and was offended we even accused him of writing bad body image into his stories because he’s been teased for being skinny before.

This book has the worst problems with body image and glorifying eating disorders. This itself is enough to ruin the book for me.

Dot is a kind and humble character who’s only addressed in the story through her weight, it’s made into such a big plot point in her character arc, her weight and how she gets bullied for it, or how skinny she is, and what she did to get there. Her entire character is defined by her body and that is not okay.

This book did her and the other Evergirls so much injustice and it is so upsetting.

I would like to say this is it for the rant, but no, there are a lot more qualms I have with this book, ahaha :/

Stay tuned for Part 2: my issues with the characters in the books :)

#awwp #a world without princes #soman chainani #me explaining why mr. author is a coward :)#the rant is finally here

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spencers-dria · 4 years ago

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Entranced by Her Touch

Someone To Stay Ch. 16

Spencer x fem reader

Spencer POV:

"What is all this?" She turns to me, a twinkle of excitement in her eyes.

"Well I know how much music means to you, and I've never had the pleasure of hearing you play."

I see the color drain quickly from her face. "Spencer I...I can't! It's been years! It wound sound..."

"Beautiful. I know anything you play would be beautiful. You'd be surprised how long muscle memory sticks around. You know, muscle memory allows us to do things like swimming or riding a bike without stopping to think or analyze each movement. The longer you played the more likely it will have stuck with you."

"Eight years" she whispers, running her fingers across the top of the keys, lightly enough to not make a sound.

"Eight years that's...wow umm...yeah I think it would be a fair assumption that you probably remember more than you realize, especially pieces you played the most, or that meant the most to you."

I realize the position I have put her in. I don't know why I didn't consider the possibility that she may be too shy to play in front of me. I guess I was just so used to seeing her be completely herself around me.

"Y-you know you r-really don't have to. I'm sorry if I made you feel pressured. If you want we can just..." I feel my confidence fade as I pull at my fingers. I keep my eyes glued to the floor, afraid to face the reality of rejection if I dare to look up. That's before I feel a soft touch on my arm. I look up to see her soft smile and the twinkle that has returned to her eyes. That's all it takes to break down any insecurities building up like walls within me.

"Spencer, I would love to." She gives my arm a reassuring squeeze. "Just give me a minute to do some boring. cheesy scales and stuff. It's been so long. I don't think I can jump in without some kind of warm up."

I turn on my heels and begin to walk off the stage, headed to my seat. I glance over my shoulder to see her propping up the lid and sitting to adjust her dress on the bench. She makes sure to get acquainted with the pedals in her heels. I smile at how happy she looks, how comfortable to be at a piano once again. It doesn't take a profiler to see how much it meant to her. I know I've made the right choice for tonight.

I settle in a seat as she finishes warming up. I can tell she's nervous as she lets out a few deep breaths, vigorously shaking her hands to try to rid them of any tremors that threaten to intrude on her performance. She takes in one last deep breath as she glances over towards me. I give her a smile and thumbs up. She laughs in response, seemingly less nervous. I'm glad I could help her in some capacity, if even for a moment.

https://youtu.be/x5ibvz38jOs

youtube

As she places her hands down, she begins to play a soft, lullaby like melody. I see the tension begin to fade away as the song picks up and she gains more confidence. It took me a moment to recognize the song, only because I had been so focused on her. It's a beautiful theme from the Deathly Hallows. How perfectly fitting, seeing as our movie nights brought us so close together.

After a minute or so, her demeanor changes along with the music. It's deeper, darker. Her face becomes more serious as I watch her pour all of herself into the music. I start to feel something, assuming it comes from the bass-like boom of the grand piano as it stretches to fill every crevice of the elaborate theater. My breath hitches in my throat and my eyes start to water. I rub at them, confused by my reaction. I'm sure there's all kinds of dust that's been stirred up.

I continue to watch her, completely mesmerized the way such dainty hands can play with such strength, such emotion. A memory quickly flashes through my mind.

"Music is so much more than just notes, Spencer. It can make you feels things you've never felt, understand your own emotions, or express them."

I had simply taken the comment as something that described her, and how she felt. For the first time I really feel the music resonate with me on an emotional level. I feel wonder and sorrow and enchantment all at once. Is this what she experiences on a regular basis? Is this why she's always listening to music, or talking about it? It's incredible to see the passion she has overflowing so effortlessly into the music.

I had planned this part of the date in an attempt to see her happy, but also to try to understand her in a new way. I never expected to learn or feel this much. She's so much more complex than I could ever fully understand, but I want to try to learn as much about her as I can.

The song quickly changes to another melody I recognize from the movies. I can practically hear the emotion in ever chord. How does she do that?

Before I know it, I'm standing on the stage behind her, unsure of how I got there. She doesn't seem to notice. She is pouring every ounce of herself into the keys.

I take a few steps closer just to be able to observe her hands. As the song slows, I notice her eyes are closed. She's not even looking at the keys anymore as she continues to the end.

She takes a deep breath in and opens her eyes. She looks out to meet my eyes but is met with a seemingly empty room. Anxiety and fear that I have left fill her eyes before I step closer, sliding onto the bench.

"Oh! You scared me for a second" she laughs. "Well, there ya go. I don't know it as well as I used to and there were definitely plenty of mistakes." Her confidence from only a minute ago starts to leak out with every self-criticism.

"Y/N stop." I reach up to turn her face toward me so that she has to look me in the eyes. I want her to see the truth and sincerity in them.

"That was...beautiful." I run my thumb over her cheek, enjoying the softness of her skin, the way she leans into my touch. "You're beautiful." I feel butterflies erupt into a flutter in my stomach at my sudden confession.

Her eyes dart down for only a moment before I see her nerves return. I decide to take a leap of faith as I slide my hand to the back of her neck, locking my fingers in her soft waves. I wait for just a moment, to read her response.

She leans in, resting her forehead against mine, not breaking eye contact. She looks into my eyes like they have the answers to the universe. She leans in just a bit more, nuzzling her nose against mine as her eyes flutter shut. She lets out a breathy giggle and I can't help but smile, laughing with her. There is something unbelievably beautiful about this moment, the racing of our hearts, the shared breath, the softness of her touch. I want to do more than just commit it to memory, like anything else in my life. I want to savor it, the sound of her laugh, the smell of her perfume, the feeling she gives me.

Unable to hold back any longer, I pull her in, kissing her gently, careful not to push her any further than she's comfortable with. She seems to have ideas of her own, placing her hands on the back of my head to pull my much deeper into the kiss. I lose all track of time and my surroundings, completely entranced by her touch.

She finally pulls back, looking at me as though I'm her favorite person in the world. "I hope this isn't a bad time to tell you... I'm crazy about you" she finally says, holding back a smirk.

I burst out in laughter. "Goofball" I jest, pulling her in for another quick kiss. "I almost forgot, I uhh...well I have something I learned for tonight."

"Spencer Reid, you learned a piece just for me?" she stands up to give me space to play.

"You don't have to go, if you don't want to." I try to hide the completely pathetic look I know is on my face. But I didn't want her to leave my side. Being with her is the comfort I need to get through this without my extra nerves.

She can see the neediness in my eyes. Based on the smile on her face as she sits back down, wrapping her arm around my waist, and I don't think she minds.

As my hands start to play the notes I had spent a few weeks learning, I look over to see her eyes light up at the sound of Where Is My Mind. I can't help but smile, proud of my success in bringing her joy.

The song is simple, not nearly as complex as what she had just performed for me, but that wasn't the point. Based on the look on her face, I can tell she remembers and that it means something to her too.

When I finally finish, I look over to see her wiping her eyes. "You remembered" she says quietly through a few sniffles.

"Of course I remembered." I turn my body on the bench to face her properly.

"Y/N, I asked you here tonight because I think it's time I showed you just how much you mean to me. This isn't new. This isn't sudden. I'm nothing if not extremely analytical and thorough."

She lets out a small laugh through tears now trickling down her face. I would be worried if it wasn't for the pure smile of joy she is unable to hold back.

"So believe me when I say I have thought about this for a long time. Pretty much since that very day." I know I don't have to elaborate; she already knows exactly when I am talking about.

"Y/N I love spending time with you and getting to know more about you each day, but I would be kidding myself if I pretended that I only wanted friendship with you any longer. I hope I'm not being too forward, and I apologize for setting this all up and asking you without any warning. I know I probably put you on the spot to join me on this date but..."

My spiral into self-doubt is cut short by the feeling of her lips on mine. I feel myself melting into her once again, worried I may never want to come back for air.

She eventually pulls back opening her mouth to respond to what I feel was quite an embarrassing display of my emotions.

"Spencer, I have been trying to figure out my feelings for you for so long. I had just been working up the courage to say something to you, but it seems you had plans of your own. This is more than I could ever..."

Tears fill her eyes once more, spilling over as she starts to turn her head away.

I scoot in to wrap her in my embrace. "Hey, hey its ok, shhhh." I rub my hand across her back, hoping to sooth her. After a few deep breaths she finds her words once again.

"This is more than I could ever ask for, ever dream of. No one has ever done anything like this for me before. No man has ever...cared this much about something I love. In so many past relationships I felt as though they were merely tolerating my quirks, including all the things I am so overtly passionate about. Tolerating me until they just...left. All I've ever wanted was someone to appreciate how passionate I can be and won't let it scare them away. Someone to stay."

I feel my heartache knowing that she has felt this way for so long. I lift her chin as I lean in to give her one gentle kiss before pulling away to whisper, "I'm not going anywhere."

A/N: I hope everyone is still enjoying the story! Let me know your thoughts in the comments 😁💖

Also sorry for how gushy this is but it won't always be that way so enjoy it while it lasts 🙊

#dr spencer reid #spencer x reader #original story #spencer #spencer reid x y/n #writing #spencerreid #criminal minds #harry potter #piano #music #deathly hallows #Spencer Reid #MGG #Matthew gray gubler #romance #first date #first kiss #new romance

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echodrops · 5 years ago

Text

Kicking the Hornet’s Nest...

I’m procrastinating hard on other tasks, but in chit-chatting (both on tumblr and on Discord) about my stance on criticism of fanfiction, I realized that there’s a very low-hanging analogy I can make to explain my thoughts on this, so…

Uh first, please remember this is my personal blog and just my personal opinion. If you think that giving unsolicited concrit is the worst, I promise I’m not here to grab you individually, shake you by the shoulders, and try to change your minds. We can agree to disagree; I’m fully aware my opinion is unpopular on tumblr but also fully aware of the irony of people giving unsolicited criticism on a post about why unsolicited criticism is a good thing.

And second, please note that the analogy used below is only an analogy and not meant to be a one-to-one comparison–obviously the issue of vaccination is a far more critical, serious, and solemn issue and the topic of criticism on fanfiction (of all things) is not equal to a global health crisis that has cost real people’s lives. I’m drawing radical comparisons to thought processes because it’s shocking, not genuinely comparing fanfiction comments to moral and ethical world health decisions because I think those two things are equitable in importance.

Uh and third, please don’t respond unless you’re going to read it all. I'm happy to take your constructive criticism after you're finished with the whole thing. I get so tired of people rushing to my inbox after only getting half way through my arguments–90% of the time, I already addressed the thing you wanted to come yell at me about and you just didn’t make it there, promise.

So, at the risk of pissing off just about everyone who thought they respected me before this:

The current anti-concrit mindset stems from a similar logic to the one used by anti-vaxxers.

(This analogy lasts a grand total of five paragraphs or something, don’t get your jimmies too rustled.)

Most people on tumblr are happy–downright gleeful–to mock anti-vaxxers. The average anti-vaxxer is considered close-minded, self-centered, and under-educated. Although the issue of anti-vaxxing is probably more complicated than we paint it here on this website (to be fair, I wouldn’t know if it’s more complicated, since I agree that anti-vaxxers are generally stupid and don’t look into their arguments very often), almost no one on tumblr has any issue with anti-vaxxers being dragged up and down the block for their bad choices.

Usually, the logic of anti-vaxxers is understood to work something like this:

Anti-vaxxer: I don’t want to expose my child to something potentially harmful, so I am not going to vaccinate them.

Literally everyone else: You’re exposing your child to far greater risk in the long-term by not vaccinating.

Or:

Anti-vaxxer: My child doesn’t need to be vaccinated; they’re fine as they are. Those diseases aren’t a big deal anymore.

Literally everyone else: This mindset will make those diseases a big deal again.

On paper, sometimes anti-vaxxer logic works out–it is true that some children suffer very painful and awful reactions to vaccinations. It IS true that poorly made or contaminated vaccinations have killed children and will continue to do in the future. It IS true that vaccinations are painful and stressful for children in general and can even–depending on how the children respond to pain and how their doctors/nurses treat them–result in long-term phobias and health care aversion. There can be serious lasting consequences from vaccinating.

But most of us laugh in the face of anti-vaxxers. Why? Because we know that in comparison to the number of benefits, the risks are minimal. In the long-term, the number of people helped by vaccines far, far exceeds the number of people hurt.

I hope you can see where I’m going. At its core, the issue of giving unsolicited constructive criticism follows a similar pattern of short-term risk aversion. Authors who don’t want constructive criticism and choose to actively refuse it are following a similar thought process to anti-vaxxer parents:

Author: I don’t want any constructive criticism. Criticism can be painful, and my writing doesn’t need to be exposed to that.

Or:

Author: I don’t need any constructive criticism because my writing is fine as it is and I’m just doing it for fun anyway.

The general attitude seems to be that exposing fanfiction authors to unsolicited constructive criticism carries more risk than it does reward. And please be aware that I’m talking about genuinely constructive criticism here, well-intentioned and polite comments (the vaccine in this analogy), not troll comments deliberately designed to hurt people’s feelings (which would be equivalent to say, an injected contaminated drug in this analogy–no one should be okay with those).

But like anti-vaxxers who insist that the short-term risks of vaccines are more dangerous than the long-term risks of major diseases… is there really any evidence that genuinely constructive criticism, even when unsolicited, really does discourage and upset a large number of fanfiction authors? Or, more to the point of the analogy–is the number of people who would be entirely discouraged from writing ever again by some constructive criticism really greater than the number of people who would benefit from getting some (again, polite) tips for improving their writing? Which is the greater risk–being hurt in the short-term or losing out on the opportunity for growth in the long-term?

Clearly there are different opinions on this and I suspect that my opinion is heavily colored by the fact that I am older than the average tumblr user and therefore have many more years to look back on to weigh on the scales of this debate.

But I will always, always argue that the long-term benefits of helping other writers where you can far, far, far outweigh the short-term risks, for a couple reasons.

1) The world is a shitty, disappointing, stressful, and painful place. We encounter harsh criticisms every single day. Your teachers will give you poor grades. Your bosses will tell you your work isn’t up-to-par. Your friends will tell you the new top you bought and absolutely love… actually makes you look like you’re wearing a potato sack. If you’re into relationships, you’ll probably experience at least one break-up in which you hear that it’s YOU, not them, who is the problem. Your feelings will be hurt by callous comments from others an uncountable number of times. Your confidence will be shaken, if not actively crushed. I’m sorry to say it, but for almost all of us, having some miserable, anxiety-inducing and extremely discouraging moments in life is part of the unavoidable human experience. (And this is doubly, maybe triply true when we are starting out new hobbies or first entering a new field. Anyone who has ever tried to learn how to skateboard and gotten laughed at by experienced skateboarders knows exactly what I’m talking about.)

The world is full of truly awful things. And I’m not the kind of person who thinks we should just be exposed to all of them right from the get-go and fuck you and your snowflake feelings or things like that. I highly urge people to tag for triggering content and am on the record again and again telling people to block characters or ships that make them uncomfortable.

But many fanfiction authors are young authors, some of whom are posting work for public consumption for the very first time. Still more have no positive experiences with constructive criticism in the first place, and the extent of their literary criticism knowledge comes from really awful and boring high school English classes. When budding writers encounter a sudden explosion of access to readers–from having maybe one or two friends read their work to suddenly having their words in front of the eyes of thousands of strangers on the internet:

It’s disingenuous to give starting writers nothing but positive feedback. Only hearing positives about your work actively discourages change and self-reflection. It gives writers an unrealistic picture of their work that can result in far more serious disappointment and embarrassment later. When someone is awful at singing and they’re only told how nice their voice is, eventually when they sing for a more serious group of strangers, they’re going to be in for a very, very miserable time.

It’s a terrible missed opportunity for young writers to get a glimpse of what “professional” writing is like. Everyone benefits from genuinely constructive criticism–both the person getting it and the person giving it. We create young writers who are passionate about improving their writing by inducting them into the culture of planning, drafting, bouncing ideas off each other, finding beta readers, and taking others’ advice to grow their abilities, and oftentimes, one of the first experiences a person has with that process is someone spontaneously going “Hey, what if you tried this instead?” People often become inspired to become doctors and nurses after witnessing a family member experience a medical crisis–people often become inspired to become writers after receiving thorough feedback on things they have written. It’s impossible to really know whether or not you want a piece of constructive criticism until after you have heard what the criticism is, and adopting a “no unsolicited constructive criticism” policy as a whole creates an entire generation of fan writers who would miss out on opportunities for growth and inspiration.

This is waxing REALLY philosophical, but bear with me here, because this is also a well-documented concern of mine: we are entering an age in which people are no longer responsible for the media choices they make, where the internet is no longer viewed as a the equivalent of yelling into a crowd of (potentially dangerous) strangers, and the onus for protection is shifting away from self-preservation “I need to not put myself near upsetting things” to “other people have the responsibility not to expose me to upsetting things.” I’ve seen a lot of people say “If authors want constructive criticism on their fics, they can just say that in a note!” My ladies. My guys. My non-binary buddies. This is the utter opposite of how the internet functions. When you put anything on the internet, you are literally putting it before a crowd of an absolutely uncountable number of strangers and there are no rules (barring the laws of their home countries) dictating how they can respond to the things you put out there. Posting your writing on the internet is explicit consent to receive constructive criticism from anyone at any time unless you take actions to prevent that in advance. Sites like AO3 actively grant you the power to dictate who can SEE your work, comment on your work, give you the power to remove messages, screen comments before they appear, block comments entirely, or simply write in any of your notes sections that you do not want constructive criticism. (If it’s that easy to write “I want constructive criticism!” why is not seen as equally easy to write “I do not want constructive criticism!”?)

Public spaces on the internet are opt out, not opt in.

Why do many (though lord knows, not all) tumblr users easily agree to the idea of “If you don’t like a ship, you should just block it” or “If you see properly tagged content you don’t like on AO3 and you click it, that’s your own fault for not reading the tags,” but have the complete opposite mindset when it comes to constructive criticism? “I’m submitting my work in a public place where anyone can express their opinion on it… But even though there are multiple tools at my disposal for discouraging and blocking opinions I don’t agree with, it’s actually other people’s responsibility not to say anything that might upset me.”

As I said, waxing philosophical here, but this is kind of a scary mindset. The ability to enter a public space–and the internet is the MOST public space in the world–and then declare that you simply don’t want to listen to dissenting opinions is scary. I mean, this is how we get a common anti-vaxxer mindset–I don’t want to listen to your opinion because I have my source telling me I’m right and that’s all I need. “I put my work out in a public place and left it accessible to everyone, but I don’t want to listen to what everyone says about it.” I don’t mean to jump off the slippery slope, but this issue is a slippery slope in and of itself. Down this way lies a dark future. “It’s other people’s responsibility to curate my social experience for me.”

But really, after all this… I just flat out think it’s important to give genuinely constructive criticism to each other without people needing to ask for it because it just kind of sucks to see a fellow writer struggling with something and not say something about it. It’s not about feeling superior or thinking you know better than someone else; we all have our own strengths and weaknesses, and spotting something that could use a bit of work in someone else’s writing doesn’t make you a better writer, it just means that’s not your particular weakness. When someone is struggling to learn to swim, you don’t just leave them to their own devices and assume they’ll figure it out–even if they swear they’ve got it. When someone is learning to sew and you, who has sewed that exact thing before, don’t offer any advice, that’s not encouragement, it’s apathy. There will be many, many, many times in your life where you did not know you needed advice. Where you did not know HOW to ask for advice. Where you might have known you needed advice but not really wanted to admit that. Where you might have known you needed advice and been too shy to ask for help. Where a piece of advice completely from the blue changes the course of your life. Fandom as a whole–fan creators as a whole–cannot become a culture that closes the door to that vital form of communication, rejects willingness to not only uplift but also help each other grow even when we least expect it.

Anyway, I’m literally just writing this to avoid real responsibilities, but the point I’m trying to make is:

Most writers, even very young writers, will not be discouraged by polite, well-intentioned criticism. They may not like it. They may not take any of the criticism to heart, but most people, even young people, are far more resilient than tumblr (which on the best of days is a negative feedback loop that can romanticize a victim mindset because having the saddest backstory makes you immune to cancellation) wants to give them credit for, and a vast majority of writers will not be traumatized or scared away from writing by people trying to offer them genuine advice. Remember, no one here is advocating for asshole trolls who post comments like “Your writing sucks and you should delete your account.” A majority of writers, even very young writers, will be able to weather the storms and tosses of even really rudely-worded advice and recover. Sometimes it might take a while, but human beings have survived as a species because we’re really, really persevering.

(But some people aren’t! you might say. Some people really will give up writing if they’re criticized! And you’d be correct. There are people who will give up, even if all they are faced with is a single gentle, well-intentioned piece of criticism. But the truth is… People give up on hobbies for all kinds of reasons! Not every hobby is for every person! Every hobby carries with it its own challenges, its own share of risks, and its own pains. Learning a new hobby consistently requires putting yourself out of your comfort zone. Wanna learn how to ride a snowboard? You will get bruised. Wanna learn how to play chess? You will lose. Wanna learn to draw? Someone will make fun of your early drawings. You will make fun of your own early drawings. Wanna post your writing on a public platform? Someday, someone is going to say they’re not a fan.

And that leads me to address the point that just keeps coming up and coming up in this issue: People aren’t always posting their fics to improve as writers! A lot of times people are posting for just fun or for personal reasons.

Yeahhhhh bullshit. No, no, hang on–I don’t mean that people don’t have fun writing and posting fics, or that fics can’t help you through traumatic experiences because everything I’ve ever posted is basically me dealing with my own personal shit–what I mean is that there’s always an additional dimension to posting your fics on large-scale public websites. People write stories and share them with their friend groups for fun. People write characters overcoming trauma and share them with their therapists (or the friends who help to fill that role) for healing. People post their stories publicly, where anyone can respond, for validation on top of their fun and healing. There are ways to hide your fics entirely on many sites. You can leave things in drafts. If a fic is appearing as unmoderated and open to the public on a major fic site such as AO3, Wattpad, ff.net, etc., it’s because that fic’s author wants responses from others! They want views. They want subscribes. They want kudos. They want comments. There’s literally no reason to post publicly except for your work to be viewed by the public.

The fun one has writing a fic is often tied directly to the thrill of seeing a comment or kudos notification pop-up in your inbox. We love seeing people enjoy our fics–it absolutely makes my day when someone sends me a message telling me they re-read my fic for the third time.

It’s NOT fun to write something and get no response.

Writing something and getting no response is actively discouraging, actually.

So whenever someone says “They’re not writing fics to improve as writers; they’re just doing it for fun!” I have to laugh a bit–because when the concept of “fun with fanfiction” is tied so closely to the experience of having your work viewed and enjoyed by others, the fastest and surest way to increase the fun you have with your fanfics… is to improve as a writer. The more you write, the more you improve. The more you improve, the more loyal readers you gain. The more loyal readers you gain, the more excited people you have to gush about your fics with. Want a Discord server full of people willing to help you brainstorm ideas for your favorite AU? Write well, attract followers. Want fanart of your writing, probably the most fun and exciting thing I can think of as an author? Write well. Just plain old want more friends in the fandom to talk about your favorite characters and fic ideas with? Make writer friends.

People have fun writing about their favorite characters and post publicly to receive responses and validation for their creations… Responses increase the fun writers have because they make the hard work of writing worth it and give you people to keep writing for and with… Improving your writing increases the number of people attracted to your works and the number of people willing to spend time responding to them… The bigger the response you get, the more invested you become in your fics, the more fandom friends you make, and the more you want to write–it’s a process that is self-fulfilling, but also one that exposes you to criticism by its very nature. The very act of seeking responses from readers means that you’re open to responses that you don’t necessarily want to hear.

And I actually don’t mean this in the way of “If you can’t handle the heat, don’t jump into the fire.” What I mean is that it is impossible to create a world in which everyone who starts writing sticks with the hobby and keeps churning out works for us to enjoy forever. It is impossible to create a world in which no young writer will ever feel discouraged and give up. The writer you decided not to give constructive criticism to might just as easily become discouraged and quit writing because they didn’t receive enough response.

The first time you give your child a new vaccine, you cannot predict the results. Your child might suffer an allergic reaction. They might die. Every year, numerous severe reactions to vaccines do occur. But the majority of people don’t question the effectiveness of vaccines because we understand that the number of people who have severe reactions is very low in comparison to the number of people who benefit from the vaccine. The number of people who will be discouraged from writing by genuine, polite, constructive criticism is minuscule in comparison to the number of people who will either 1) benefit from it directly and be thankful you gave it, 2) not benefit but not be upset by it, 3) be mildly upset by it but then benefit, or 4) just be mildly upset by itself and then move on with life unharmed because sometimes people say things we don’t like but that doesn’t ruin our lives every single time it happens.

I’m not saying that providing polite constructive criticism doesn’t have risks, just that its risks are smaller than its benefits.

And I’ve successfully whittled enough time away with this now that I can go to sleep without guilt over the things I didn’t finish, but I started this by saying the long-term benefits outweighed the short-term risks and I feel obligated to defend that…

The long-term benefits of well-placed constructive criticism are enormous. Sometimes people need ego checks. Sometimes we need wake-up calls. Sometimes we need a gentle helping hand and didn’t even realize other people could be the help we needed. Sometimes we need a reason to get fired up–even if that reason is spite, trying to prove a critic wrong! Sometimes the answer is glaring us in the face and we don’t notice until someone else points it out. Sometimes we just plain out make mistakes. Sometimes we need a teacher because the ones in school let us down. Sometimes (oftentimes) other people bring incredibly unique perspectives to our stories that we would never have been open to on our own. Sometimes we write something unintentionally hurtful and need some gentle correction. Sometimes we could be having a lot more fun if we knew the tips and tricks others had to offer. Sometimes improving ourselves is hard but worth it. Sometimes bitter medicine is the only thing that will cure an ailment.

Shots hurt. People avoid them because they aren’t fun–what parent wants to expose their child to the painful, stressful situation of getting stabbed with needles? (What parent looks forward to the yearly flu shot themselves?)

We naturally flinch back from criticism. There are many times when we swear we don’t want it, don’t need it, can’t bear it! In the moment, it is incredibly difficult to be confronted with someone basically implying that you should change something integral to yourself–your art. No one likes to feel like they’re being picked apart for weaknesses, definitely not.

But sometimes a single comment can make a massive difference in your life–even when you didn’t want it at first.

All my life, I have been helped along by teachers, family, and friends who refused to settle for patting me on the back. The people who mean the most to me, who I most credit with getting me where I am today, are not the people who just told me I was good at things. They’re the people who told me I was good at things BUT. They people who challenged me to not just sail through life or even coast in my hobbies, content with the level I entered on–they’re the people who had faith in me and trust that I could refine my skills, could have even more fun IF I took that next step, challenged myself to go a bit harder… They’re the people who took the time not just to skim over my writing and slap a thumbs up on it, but the people who thought hard enough about it go: “This story was good, but have you thought about…”

Today, I’m a professor of English because I started writing fanfiction when I was 11 years old. Because I started posting fanfiction when I was 13. Because at 14 years old, someone–without being asked–taught me the correct way to format dialogue and how to strengthen my dialogue tags. Because at 15, someone flat out laughed to tears at a cliche metaphor I’d extended too far and I was ashamed, but they taught me something else to try instead. Because by 18, I’d received–and taken–enough unsolicited writing advice to land myself the highest paying on-campus tutoring job my university offered. Because by 19, someone challenged me to write something I told them was impossible for me. Because by 20, that impossible writing became the sample that got me accepted to grad school. Because by 21, I was furious enough at the criticism I received from my creative writing masters classmates to write a thesis so feverishly overwhelming that it inspired one of the foremost postmodern poets in the country. Because by 27, it was brutally honest criticism that gave me the gall to finally leave an abusive job and apply for a teaching position. Because by 30, I got to sit at a public literary journal volume launch and watch an entire class of my creative writing students become published authors.

And even though I joked about why I was writing this, and even though I’m really not, at the heart of it, trying to persuade any one person over to my side, I hope it’s clear how much of a labor of love this post is. How passionate I am about this topic.

This whole thing is a drawn-out plea: Please, do not let fandom creation sites become a place where no one offers advice unless it is begged for. Do not miss your chance to help someone else improve. Do not close the door to criticism that could change your life. Do not let fear of short-term discouragement prevent you from seeking long-term growth. Do not let the immediate side effects cloud your view of the global benefits.

Inoculate yourselves with good advice as a shield against the very hard future.

A dearth of criticism will not make fandom a better place. It will just make it a quieter one.

#anyone want to take bets on how long it takes someone to get outraged #skip reading the actual argument itself #and put something in the replies or my ask box that was blatantly answered on this post itself #it's 4am so like I give it about ten minutes #writing #fanfiction #constructive criticism #I tire more each day of tumblr's bizarre ways of thinking #like could you imagine if this was the attitude in any other hobby #nah bro #I know I almost broke my arm back there but I don't want any skateboarding advice #I got this #yeah I know the horse has broken loose and is kicking people but have you tried NOT commenting on that #you didn't brace your sculpture correctly and it no longer resembles what the art gallery expected #Jesus ask before you give concrit for once

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walkingshcdow-a · 4 years ago

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Longtime follower, big time fan! I love your writing and I wanted to know what you would suggest or have any tips or recommend about how to start writing a book? I want to (and have a bit of an idea) but I don't know where to begin?? Thank you!!

I want to start this ask, first with thanks and then with a disclaimer. Firstly, thank you so much for following me and for reading/enjoying my stuff! I really appreciate it and it makes me feel very warm-and-fuzzy to know that someone on the other end of the internet reached out to me and thought highly enough of my writing to ask for advice. Secondly, I am a writing teacher. I teach high school creative writing and have degrees in English and Secondary English Education. I have written numerous short stories and one day hope to get a PhD in English or an MFA in creative writing. On the one hand, I am Supremely Qualified to answer your question. On the other, I’m... not. I am not a published author (yet) and most of my writing energy goes towards roleplay and fanfiction. The longest finished work I’ve created as an adult is my “Wooden Overcoats” fanfiction “The Greatest Undertaking”, which doesn’t “officially” crack novel length (50,000 words, give or take). When you say you seek advice on writing advice, I’m going to tell you something I’d never tell my students: you don’t have to take my advice. If something else works better for you (this part I do usually tell them), do that. I am not and no writer is the font of all writing knowledge. Anyone who says they are is trying to sell you something, usually, a book on how to write, written by an author you’ve never read or heard of.

Okay, now that that’s out of the way... let’s talk about what helps me in hopes that some of it helps you!

Don’t be afraid to start. People will make you feel like your idea isn’t worth pursuing. Most of them are doing it on accident and would be horrified to know that their thoughtless comments are holding you back. For years, I did not write characters who had parents because when I was eleven, my mom read a fanfiction I wrote and the main character was critical of her parents and my mom asked me, “Is this how you feel?” If a circumstance hit too close to home, I didn’t write it even if my mom wasn’t going to read it. Thankfully, I’m past that. People won’t be the only thing that will hold you back. Time, fear of failure, impostor syndrome... all sorts of insidious things will give you excuses not to start. Do not let them win.

Some form of pre-planning is extremely useful! It’s not necessary. Most of my short stories have never been outlined. I just sit at the keyboard and type until I have a short story and then I edit later. But for my longer stories, I find an outline keeps me organized and on track. Currently, I’m writing a story called “Catch and Release”. “Catch and Release” has two separate outlines (I kept the original, even though I scrapped at least half of it), both about five pages long. The outlines, for me, include character summaries (who is this character, what did they do in the last story- “The Greatest Undertaking” - that is relevant, what is their goal now, how do they perceive themselves/others, how do others perceive them, what other details are important), and chapter summaries with bullet-point lists of what plot points and emotional beats need to happen in each chapter. I did this in Google Docs because it means I can access it anywhere (and often do) and so I can use the strikethrough function to cross off plot points and emotional beats I’ve hit in writing. This keeps me on track when I take breaks from writing. I haven’t worked on the writing since a little over a week ago, since real life has picked up. I opened Chapter Nine the other day and was like, “Why did I start with Sid Marlowe?” I checked my outline and remembered exactly where I left off. It’s nice. I wasn’t as thorough with “The Greatest Undertaking” and there was a point where I took a month-long hiatus from working on it (I was teaching remotely from a different city because of the pandemic) and when I picked up “The Greatest Undertaking”, I thought to myself “What would have made writing easier for me?” Your outline doesn’t have to be as detailed as mine. It could be more detailed. Just create a guidebook for yourself in case you get stuck or have to take a break from your work.

Speaking of preplanning... Brainstorm! Keep a list of your ideas for future fics/stories/etc. Write little plot summaries to refer to later. I like to you the “[Somebody] wanted [goal], but [obstacle], so [climax], then [ending].” model when I’m too busy to write a detailed summary. I’d also recommend looking at and utilizing traditional outlines, like Freytag’s pyramid or the “four-act structure” a professor suggested to me at a Shakespeare conference if you want to push back against traditional storytelling that allows for a longer focus on the resolution/consequences as the characters establish a new normal. Something. Anything to make you know what ideas you have and what shape they might take. Pictures can be helpful!

Even though preplanning is useful, don’t get married to your outline. If you love your outline too much, you might spend all your time working on it instead of the story or you might not give yourself the flexibility you need and deserve to write the story of your dreams. I realized when I was writing “Catch and Release” that I needed the latitude to add in a scene between Chapman and Calliope and to have Chapman and Antigone interact at least once in the series, since they didn’t in “The Greatest Undertaking”. I was able to edit the outline easily enough to add a whole chapter (Chapter Nine, which I’m working on). I might have to add up to three more chapters to hit all of my bullet points and I know my ending has changed from the first outline. That’s okay! As long as I keep writing and preserve the emotional beats, I’ll be content. Some people would hate this edit-as-you-go approach and insist upon sticking to the outline. If that works for you, great. But I’m not going to commit myself to subplots that don’t serve the narrative.

Decide if you’re a plot-driven or character-driven writer (or, rather, if your piece is plot-driven or character-driven). I’ve put so much emphasis on outlining plot in this thing because I’m character-driven. I am constantly thinking about “but why are they like that?” and “What motivates character X? What is their payoff if they act?” I think in terms of character relationships. This is great! Super helpful! But when it comes to getting my characters do things... I need to outline a plot otherwise they will sit around and talk about their feelings for 30,000 words and nothing will happen. I compensate by making sure my characters have goals outside their intimate relationships, other interests/hobbies/struggles, and lots of things to do. In “Catch and Release”, I had to think of an event that would allow my characters to act out their feelings, rather than think about them privately. If you’re more plot-driven, you will need to make character outlines to keep track of why your characters are doing things that they do and to keep them somewhat consistent in how they behave. People in real life are sometimes inconsistent. In fiction, readers are more likely to notice “out of character” behavior... especially if it isn’t tied to an important motivator. You might need to make character arcs instead of a plot event list. And that’s okay! Do what you need to do to make sure that whether you’re plot- or character-driven, the two tie nicely together.

Practice writing and read a lot. There are two ways to become a better writer. The first is my favorite: write a lot. In between short story projects and novella/novel-length fics, I write my RP characters here. I experiment with style and voice and character development here all the time. This is my “take a break from writing” writing corner, lol. It’s made me a lot better and the partners with whom I write make me better. It keeps me in continual practice with both story craft and mechanics. The second way to improve as a writer is to read a lot. I’m going to say something my colleagues would probably hate: watching TV and listening to podcasts counts as reading, too. Study how the author or writers craft the book/episode/movie you’re consuming. Look at the dialogue and plot structure. Imitate the parts you like, mix and match pieces of media, use one author’s style to tackle another’s subject material. Decide what you think is good writing and what you think isn’t. I’m having my students do an activity from the book called “No Plot? No Problem!” by Chris Baty, the founder of National Novel Writing Month. It asks writers to list all their favorite tropes, conventions, stylistic choices, etc. and all their least favorites and then to only include things they listed as favorites and to avoid writing about things they hate. Writing is a self-betterment activity, but you don’t get better by punishing yourself. You want to enjoy writing, right? Don’t “write what you know”. Write what you know, what you love, and what you want to know more about! Imitating writers you admire is a good thing for both original and fanfiction. Practice, practice, practice!

Set goals for yourself. I have an app called Habitica to help with my to-do lists. I have three things that are writing-related on it right now: “Respond to writing prompt” (habit), “Work on creative project” (daily), and “Finish Catch and Release” (singular event). On Habitica, you rank the level of ease for each thing. “Respond to writing prompt” is “easy”. It can be a prompt here, working on a chapter of “Catch and Release”, or doing a separate writing prompt. “Work on creative project” is “medium” and can be any of the above... plus outlining or another artistic expression, because sometimes I forget to branch out. I can’t check “Catch and Release” off my list until I finish the actual story and that’s ranked as “difficult”. I get a different amount of points for doing the things I need to do and I lose points for not doing them. I also (unofficially) have a goal that all of my chapters must be between 2000 and 5000 words. There’s no formal system for that one. Either way, these keep me motivated to keep writing. Find a system of accountability for yourself. Some people do well if they reward themselves (I don’t. There’s nothing I want enough to work for except things that have intrinsic rewards, like... I get to keep my job if I do my job. Telling me that is more motivating than telling me I’ll get ice cream for finishing my lesson plans. I can get ice cream even if I don’t. I’m an adult with a modest amount of disposable income or I’ll decide I don’t want ice cream. The only times I’ve done this self-denial tactic and seen results I also dehydrated and deprived myself of sleep. I do not recommend that in the slightest). Others thrive on working competitively against friends, the clock, or themselves. Still others accomplish their goals only by having external people hold them accountable. I will admit: I sometimes need a shove from a friend which is why...

Enlist friends to get opinions from. I have the world’s best group chat on Discord. All three of them are writing partners here and familiar with my fandom (”Wooden Overcoats” in this instance; though at least two of them are familiar with “Phantom of the Opera”/Susan Kay’s “Phantom” and I’ve forced the whole group to know about my original characters). Each of them has a different perspective so I can ask their thoughts and brainstorm with them, throw ideas at them, etc. or just ask them to make sure I’m writing once a week or so. I have other friends who know nothing about my fandom or my stories but who are willing to listen objectively to look for plot holes. And then I have friends who are content to know I’m writing and never ask for more info. Writing is such a solitary activity that it’s important to find support and community where you can!

Believe in yourself. You can have all the support in the world, but you have to remind yourself that your story is worth telling and that no one can tell it quite like you can. Get writing!

I wish you the absolute best of luck on your writing endeavors! If you ever want to talk or follow up, I’d love to hear how it’s going! Take care!

#;;signifying nothing | {personal}#;;told by an idiot | {out of character}#x. asks #((I am so flattered!!!!))#((Thank you anon!!!!))#((I hope your writing project goes well!!))#((If you have other questions or updates on your work hmu!)))#Anonymous

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rivet-ing-titanic · 5 years ago

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April 30th, 1912 - American Inquiry Day 11

Pictured: Philip A.S. Franklin (left) and J. Bruce Ismay (right) during the US inquiry into the disaster.

Day 11: A first big thing that is notable about today is the fact that the first woman witness is called to testify, a first class passenger named Mrs. Helen W. Bishop. But the morning starts with a seemingly unrelated individual to the disaster, but it comes that he had insider knowledge regarding a telegram addressed to “Islefrank” or “Franklin” on Monday morning. It is later asked that the testimony be sent to the officers of Western Union Telegraph, to advise them that one of their employees is leaking information. Another seemingly unrelated character is Deputy Morgan of the United States Marshall services who was in charge of the elusive Luis Klein. Colonel Archibald Gracie was among the first class passengers who testified today. His story is one that he later captures in books that are still read to this day. His story is definitely worth reading.

Witnesses:

Edward J. Dunn, Salesman;

Charles H. Morgan, Deputy United States Marshall;

J. Bruce Ismay, managing director of I.M.M and Managing Director of the White Star Line (recalled later in the day);

C.E. Henry Stengel, First Class Passenger, RMS Titanic;

S.C. Neale, Counsel for I.M.M;

Colonel Archibald Gracie, First Class Passenger, RMS Titanic (recalled later in the day);

Mrs. Helen W. Bishop, First Class Passenger, RMS Titanic;

Dickinson H. Bishop, First Class Passenger, RMS Titanic;

Notable Quotes/Lines of Questioning or Summarized Testimony:

Edward Dunn, was a salesman who was speaking with an acquaintance about the Titanic disaster, at which “the question arose that there were rumors that there was a telegram delivered at the Western Union office to be delivered, or a message had been received by wireless addressed to Islefrank; and the wireless people, not knowing who Islefrank was, in turn turned that telegram over to the Western Union people to deliver to Islefrank. It appears that the telegram was delivered at the White Star office between half-past 7 and 8 o'clock that Monday morning.” Dunn is continuously asked to give the name of his informant, but he remains steadfast and will not tell the subcommittee that man’s name.

The topic of Luis Klein comes back today as Deputy Morgan is interviewed. He presents a signed paper in which Klein waives the need for official subpoena, and agrees to come from Cleveland to D.C. in order to testify. Klein made it to D.C. with the Marshall, however he snuck out of his hotel at 7a.m. one morning and has not been seen since.

Ismay takes the stand again before the senators. He starts by explaining all the lines held and controlled under the I.M.M. Then they discuss the relationship with Harland & Wolff, Thomas Andrews and the work they have done for White Star Line.

On their contract with the British Government: “No, sir. We are supposed to use the fastest ships we have in our fleet for the conveyance of the mails, but there is absolutely no penalty attached to our not making any special speed… I think there is a minimum; or we are not allowed to put the mails into ships that will go less than 16 knots, or something like that.” – Ismay

“No, sir. We have never built a ship with Messrs. Harland & Wolff by contract at all. They have carte blanche to build the ship and put everything of the very best into that ship, and after they have spent all the money they can on her they add on their commission to the gross cost of the ship, which we pay them. We have never built a ship by contract.” – Ismay

“She might not have sunk. I think it would have taken a very brave man to have kept his ship going straight on an iceberg. I think he should have endeavored to avoid it.” – Ismay

Ismay provides copies of all messages he sent aboard the Carpathia.

“We have given instructions that no ship belonging to the I.M.M. Co. is to leave any port unless she has sufficient boats on board for the accommodation of all the passengers and the whole of the crew.” – Instructions given by Ismay the day following his reaching New York.

“Because there was room in the boat. She was being lowered away. I felt the ship was going down, and I got into the boat.” – Ismay, on why he boarded a lifeboat.

“Mr. Chairman, I understand that my behavior on board the Titanic, and subsequently on board the Carpathia, has been very severely criticized. I want to court the fullest inquiry, and I place myself unreservedly in the hands of yourself and any of your colleagues, to ask me any questions in regard to my conduct; so please do not hesitate to do so, and I will answer them to the best of my ability…” – Ismay (for full statement: LINK)

“I have no fault to find. Naturally, I was disappointed in not being allowed to go home; but I feel quite satisfied you have some very good reason in your own mind for keeping me here.” – Ismay. Smith has asked a number of men, mainly those of higher status, to say for the record, their opinions and confirm he was acting in a correct manner. I think you can look at this one of two ways: being extremely thorough and meticulous in this investigation, or you could see it as a CYA (cover your ass) attempt because some other people he didn’t consider their feelings or desires in the slightest.

Put into record was a letter from Ismay to Senator Smith, and Smith’s subsequent reply regarding Ismay’s departure for home. (link)

“I am working night and day to achieve this result, and you should continue to help me instead of annoying me and delaying my work by your personal importunities.” Smith in his reply to Ismay

“There was no one else around, not a person I could see except the people working at the boats, and he said, ‘Jump in.’ The railing was rather high - it was an emergency boat and was always swung over toward the water - I jumped onto the railing and rolled into it. The officer then said, ‘That is the funniest sight I have seen tonight,’ and he laughed quite heartily. That rather gave me some encouragement. I thought perhaps it was not so dangerous as I imagined” – Stengel

“There was a lady had a cane, I believe, with an electric light, and she was flashing this light, and they were going to that boat, and we were going toward that boat, and there were two other boats around, so the two or three of us kept together; that is, all the boats besides our own kept together.” Stengel (see this post about the electric cane)

A letter that I.M.M Counsel Neale sent (or directed his associate to send) to the Commissioner of General Immigration that stated the passengers would arrive in Halifax, and provided incorrect number of survivors, was put on the record. This was directed by Neale based upon a message that his office received from Franklin in New York.

Colonel Archibald Gracie – A name many are familiar with, when it comes to the sinking of Titanic. He wrote two books about his experience, one co-authored by another survivor named John B. (Jack) Thayer (Titanic: A Survivor’s Story and The Sinking of the S.S. Titanic); as well as one he wrote himself called The Truth About the Titanic. His answers and testimony are quite long so I have provided a link to his testimony here, as I think he has a fantastic story to tell. You should read it. There are many quotes I wanted to include but for space, I have not.

“That is the boat that I came to when I came up from below. I was taken down with the ship, and hanging on to that railing, but I soon let go. I felt myself whirled around, swam under water, fearful that the hot water that came up from the boilers might boil me up - and the second officer told me that he had the same feeling - swam it seemed to me with unusual strength, and succeeded finally in reaching the surface and in getting a good distance away from the ship.” – Gracie

“There was a splendid Frenchwoman, who was very kind to us, who loaned us one of her blankets to put over our heads - that is, four of us. One poor Englishman, who was the only other passenger besides Mr. Thayer and myself who was saved on this raft - he was bald, and for that reason he needed this protection, which was very grateful to him. It was very grateful to me, too. The people on the Carpathia received us with open arms, and provided us with hot comforts, and acted as ministering angels.” – Gracie

“We thought of nothing at all except the luxury of the ship; how wonderful it was.” – Mrs. Bishop

“The conduct of the crew, as far as I could see, was absolutely beyond criticism. It was perfect. The men in our boat were wonderful. One man [a lookout, though she was not sure which] lost his brother. When the Titanic was going down I remember he just put his hand over his face; and immediately after she sank he did the best he could to keep the women feeling cheerful all the rest of the time. We all thought a great deal of that man.” – Mrs. Bishop

Mr. Bishop did not have much more to say than his wife, except to pass on some hearsay about a watertight door on E deck and that the women and children order had not yet been given when they got in boat no. 7 (the first to leave the starboard side). It is somewhat unclear to me the way in which they selected passengers to testify. Gracie makes sense but I am unsure whether the Bishops added much. However, it is of note, that the Bishops are of Michigan, and that is Senator Smith’s state.

“I only mention that fact, because they [Butt, Millet & Moore] were perfectly imperturbable, showing their confidence in the ship, that no disaster was going to take place. In fact a great deal of my testimony is given for that purpose, to show how unconcerned everybody was about this serious disaster until the very last.” – Gracie

SEE American Inquiry Day 10 post here.

#mypost #this day in history #titanic inquiry #colonel archibald gracie #j bruce ismay #passengers #may 1 #International Mercantile Marine Co #rms titanic #sinking of the titanic #april 30

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fantroll-purgatory · 6 years ago

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@chrisjoshington

Okay before we start: CD I first saw this submission through my mobile browser and therefore had no idea that you sent it and was gonna message you to BEG you to hold it for me. I love them so much holy shit. And I have some ideas.

Alternia, Beforus, or AU: Alternia

Themes/Story: Corday is nb and uses he/they/she interchangeably. He’s basically Theater Kid taken to its logical extreme. They’re a master of the art of disguise and utilize this skill to aid the rebellion. And also do some assassinations. So there’s her themes; theater, disguise, assassination.

Thank you for giving this offering to me, an Adjacent to Theater Kid. I am planning a murder mystery party for my birthday. My birthday was three months ago. Corday is invited.

Name: Corday Nopper

Corday is a reference to Charlotte Corday, Marat’s assassin. Nopper references Noppera-bō, a mythical creature that disguises itself as human and can wipe off its face like a chalkboard.

I…I never knew about Charlotte Corady before I read this holy shit.

Age: 9 sweeps,19.5 human years

Strife Specibus: Knifekind

I wanted to keep it simple and discrete for him. It’s also just subtly, just a little bit a reference to the assassination of Julius Caesar.

I think you could also maybe get away with Staffkind if he’s into musical theater because of the pun.

Fetch Modus: Monologue Modus. They have to monologue for a minute about an object without saying the name of the object and their modus has to guess which item he’s talking about.

My main concern with this modus is that it doesn’t seem like Corday would use this one because it would require too much noise if they were sneaking around. Maybe a CHARADES MODUS? It plays into the acting without them needing to speak, and it lends itself to comedy when they need to retrieve, for example, a Perfectly Generic Object.

Blood Color: Indigo

They’re described as the enthusiasts of the spectrum and I thought that fit well for the level of Passion she brings to her job.

Special Abilities: Nothing aside from the usual blueblood strength.

Symbol and Meaning: I’ve been split between Sagio and Sagirius. I’m leaning Sagirius though since it’s called “the Bardic.”

I can see either one working for her tbh, but I LOVE Hope players so I side very strongly with Sagirius.

Trolltag: zealousDeathspian. Zealous references their enthusiasm, Deathspian is a portmanteau of Death and Thespian.

DEATHSPIAN IS SO GOOD. What about dramaticMurd–I’m kidding I’m kidding. If you wanna go even harder on the theme maybe Deathspion to include “espion” in the title?

Quirk: As neutral as they can possibly make it. Outside of their acts, they like to project a relatively neutral image to make them harder to pin down. They are partial to (~: emojis, though. Their one identifying marker.

Ex: Just as normal as can be. Definitely not a fun assassin or anything. (~:

They change the quirk up between disguises, though!

Lusus: Probably a big raccoon with many faces. As a reference to shapeshifting racoons in Japanese mythology.

Personality: Have you ever met a method actor? He buys into roles with all the enthusiasm possible. If you have any question about her disguises’ lives or personalities or likes or dislikes, she has a thorough answer. If she has a long mission playing a character with a broken arm, she will Break Her Arm.

They’re committed to this because they thoroughly believe in the good of the cause and that if everyone just works hard enough, they’ll succeed, and succeed Soon. They’re definitely an optimist to a somewhat critical degree. They expect most things to go right simply because they believe in it.

He also has a tendency towards the ruthless. When he’s got a mark, the mark will die. He’ll do anything to accomplish his goal. He has a strict moral sense, but that moral sense includes Never Fail To Follow Through On A Promise.

She’s predisposed to drama and acting over the top when hanging out with friends, but can actually be a very serious and competent person when she needs to be. Dedicated and focused and responsive and passionate.

Interests: Theater, Musicals, Costumes, Makeup, Sculpting, Glassblowing, Jewelry Making- Basically anything to do with costume making. Soap Operas, Trashy Dramatic Tabloid Magazines, A Good Knife.

Title: Witch of Hope

Hope seems to fit her because of her strong convictions and optimism as well as her willingness to do anything to reach her goal. He has a strong personality, so an active class makes sense. But the Witch comes in in the active change, the need to shape and mold the nature of all that potential and optimism that he holds into a usable form.

Land: Land of Drapes and Pinion

Dream Planet: Derse

Design party…:

Leftmost: Their True Appearance/how they dress in front of friends. They hacked off their horns so they could put fakes in their place because they’re just that hardcore. And he also designed a new symbol to do a little more anonymity preservation. The shoes are from fan-troll.

Blue: This is what she wears if she wants to walk around discretely. The goal is to be as generic as possible. The shoes are John’s!

Purple: He disguises himself as a Bartender/Candy Vendor and runs in highblood circles to get Intel. The symbol is meant to look a bit like a lollipop. There’s sopor candies stuck in his hair. And I couldn’t decide on a good makeup so I did like… paint that looks like drool and a black eye. The suit and pants are both from fan-troll.

Violet: Her most recent disguise, she assassinated a violet Career Adviser and took on her role. And uses this as a way to meet people she can convince to join the rebellion.

Listen…I love him so so much my redesign is the MOST minimal thank you for this joy. I especially love that you kept visual continuity with the eyes without compromising your vision for him as a master of disguise.

Okay SO. Minimal minimal changes idk if I’d even go top to bottom. Let’s go left to right?

True Self

I liked how you gave Corday’s casual duds this very “hanging out backstage before curtain call” vibe so I pinned their hair back the way one might if they were gonna wear a wig over it.

I also figured like. Breaking her horns its badass and all but it may be difficult to fit a prosthetic horn over that? So I gave her slightly shaved down horns (she could even do this with her knife!) that could potentially fit a prosthetic over them.

For his mouth I really liked the look of his teeth but I figured if they stuck out too much then they would difficult to conceal when he was undercover so I colored their outline in grey to keep the definition while visually implying that they’re set further back from his gums.

For their shirt, I gave them their real symbol. If we’re gonna push that this is how they are with their friends then that’s them at their messiest and most relaxed, which would include aspects of their True Self.

Other than that just a few outline changed but all in all it’s a real good look.

Generic

So I edited the symbol you originally gave to her true self and shifted it over, mostly so it could feasibly comply with multiple sign languages? I also edited the horns so they’re just pointy and not so arrowlike.

For their disguise, I wanna explain my reasoning. So we know that hemoanonymity is effective in that people genuinely can’t tell what your blood color is, but that it’s also see as childish and immaturely rebellious, so doing so may bring you attention in a way that simply wearing a shirt with a blood colored symbol may not.

BUT

A really, really effective disguise makes the onlooker draw their own conclusions and feel much smarter than you are. So, fine! Let his symbol be hemonanon! Deck him out in grey-colored clothing that’s indistinguishable from others’ fashion choices.

but

If you look closely you’ll see that they’re wearing bronze ankle socks. They’re very small! Barely noticeable! Almost like something they’d worn them by mistake.

Someone speaking to her would obviously roll their eyes at her greyed-out sign and cast about for hints of her “real” blood color and see the socks. Aha, they’d think, she’s slipped up. Forgot to leave those at home, huh? And now that they think of it, it’s obvious she’s a bronzeblood. It’s not just the circle in her sign either; she may not be dressed to the nines, but look at the touch of mascara around her lower lashes! The slight gleam of her lip gloss. Typical bronzebloods. They can try to hide their blood color all they want, but their desire for creature comforts will always give them away.

Barvendor/Candytender

Once again, not much to change here. Made the white threads in their suit yellow for that little pop, and swapped out the tie for a loud bow tie for the whimsy. I also adjusted a few stands of hair that felt like they were laying oddly.

For the face paint, between the candy association and the single sharp snaggletooth, he’s already halfway to being a jack-o-lantern, so that’s what I used for his makeup! Other than that he was perfect.

Career Advisor

I lengthened her jacket collar and her sideburns to more deliberately cover up the space where there would be a line between her face and her fin; we don’t really know how far practical makeup can take us in this instance. Aside from that though I really didn’t have any fixes and tbh that was more because I felt like I had to futz with the sprite a little bit.

I LOVE THIS TROLL SO MUCH LONG LIVE CORDAY.

-TR

#chrisjoshington #corday nopper #corday #nopper #indigoblood #purpleblood #(sorta)#violetblood #(kinda)#review #redesign #tr review #submission

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klein-archive · 6 years ago

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A debate with Elizabeth Zetzel in 1956

20th September 2018

I want to draw readers’ attention to an interesting paper by Elizabeth Zetzel (1956), in which she discusses Melanie Klein’s work in relation to classical ideas expressed by Anna Freud (1949) and the American ego psychologists, Hartman, Kris and Loewenstein (1946). Archive folder PP/KLE/D.17 contains Klein’s brief unpublished reply to Zetzel’s paper, in which she expresses appreciation for Zetzel’s understanding of many aspects of her work, while also taking issue with certain comments that she considers ‘erroneous’. (You can view photographs of the original paper on the Wellcome Library’s website, here.)

Elizabeth Zetzel (1907-1970), psychoanalyst and physician, grew up and completed her first degree in New York, before studying medicine at the University of London. She began her analytic training in the 1930s with the British Psychoanalytic Society (BPAS). Her training analyst was Ernest Jones. In a short memoir covering the years 1936-1938, Zetzel (1969) gives a positive account of her exposure to the ideas of Melanie Klein and her followers, Joan Riviere and Susan Isaacs, though she credits Donald Winnicott with exerting the greatest influence over her subsequent work.

Zetzel returned to the United States in 1949 and became a leading member of the Boston Psychoanalytic Society. She was a prolific writer whose collected papers (1970) include contributions to psychoanalytic technique. In an obituary of Klein, she (1961) decried the fact that many of her analytic contemporaries remained unfamiliar with Klein's work. Indeed, her advocacy of Klein's work had important implications for the development of psychoanalytic theory in the United States. Although psychoanalytic theory in 1950s America is often framed as being dominated by ego psychology, Zetzel’s writings on Klein and her followers, and her dialogue with other analysts interested in pre-oedipal development (notably Edith Jacobson and Phyllis Greenacre), suggest that this is not the whole story.

In her 1956 paper, Zetzel considers the difficulty in psychoanalysis of correlating observed clinical facts with theoretical postulates; as she puts it, ‘content versus concept’. She felt that the capacity to integrate astute clinical observation with abstract conceptual deduction was a rare gift. In her view, Klein was more adept at the former than the latter, whilst many ego psychologists were too concerned with highly abstracted theoretical formulations lacking the substance of clinical data. She comments that:

...the overwhelming emphasis in Melanie Klein’s work on unconscious fantasy [note that she uses ‘fantasy’ rather than Klein’s ‘phantasy’] as the mental expression of instinct; on concrete and specific fantasies as active from the dawn of life; on the ego as entirely derived from the id, mark an extreme contrast to the abstract conceptual approach exemplified by Hartman (1950) and Rapaport (1951), who, following on the whole Freud’s approach in the last chapter of The Interpretation of Dreams attempt to make general formulations relatively divorced from meaningful content. (Zetzel p.104)

Zetzel suggests that these very different approaches may not in fact be wholly incompatible.

Although sceptical about, for example, Klein’s use of Freud’s idea of the death instinct, Zetzel gives her credit for a number of significant findings. These include Klein’s recognition of the importance of aggression in early mental life; her emphasis on the importance of early object relations, as typified by the mother-child relationship; the connection she drew between difficulties in the early mother-child relationship and early depressive tendencies; her recognition of the significance of anxiety in mental development; and the role of symbol formation in early play.

Zetzel’s paper attempts to compare and contrast the work of Klein and the classical ego psychology model in a refreshingly balanced, scholarly and respectful way. This approach was, perhaps inevitably, absent during the impassioned and often hostile atmosphere of the so-called ‘Controversial Discussions’ of 1941-45 (see King and Steiner, 1992), where opposing colleagues were effectively ‘talking past’ each other, using the same words for radically different phenomena. I think there are, as Klein herself notes, some important misunderstandings of her work in Zetzel’s paper. I do think she misunderstands Klein’s idea of cycles of projection and introjection in gradually modifying primitive phantasy by exposure to external reality. What is more, she does not include Klein’s centrally important concepts, the paranoid-schizoid and depressive positions. However, I believe her work is of value in its effort to bridge the gap between what were unhelpfully rigid, and antagonistically expressed, theoretical positions.

I do not reproduce Zetzel’s 1956 paper here, but encourage interested readers to consult it in order to understand her arguments in more detail.

What I am including is Klein’s response to Zetzel. I do not know whether it was ever read aloud as part of a discussion at the British Psychoanalytical Society, or elsewhere, but the fact that it was typed up (apart from the heading ‘Technique’, which is in Klein’s handwriting) suggests that it was intended for an audience or publication.

Technique

It is not possible for me at this time to write a full discussion concerning Dr Zetzel’s paper. These remarks, therefore, are not intended as a comprehensive reply to her exposition of my work. I can, however, indicate a few points which I think are erroneous, as far as my work is concerned.

I have looked up the Psychoanalysis of Children and I find that I have nowhere expressed the view that the ego develops out of the id. In fact, as the index indicates, it will be clear that I take the strength or weakness of the ego as a constitutional factor. Directly, and perhaps implicitly, it is also clear that even at that time, I assumed the existence of an ego at the beginning of life. In particular, I would draw attention to page 183 from which it is clear that I believe that the destructive impulses, the death instinct, as well as the life instinct, operate from the beginning of life. According to my views, destructive impulses can never be fully put out of action. They can, however, be modified at times in varying degrees when love gets the upper hand. This is what I mean by “mitigating hate by love”, a term I have used for many years. It has always been my thesis that the ego deals with the anxiety arising from the death instinct from the outset of life. Hartmann’s autonomous ego is, I believe, another way of expressing the same point of view. There are, however, vital differences between my views and his concept of a conflict-free area, utilising neutralised instinctual energy as Dr Zetzel clearly points out.

Another point which should be clarified concerns my view regarding the early stages of the Oedipus complex and the origin of the superego. Dr Zetzel suggests both in this paper and in her earlier paper, “The Depressive Position” that my concept of the extremely early development of the superego has been formulated in relation to my views with regard to the origins of the oedipal situation. This is incorrect. It is my belief that superego development starts with the first relation to the mother’s breast through the introjection of the good and the bad breasts. This precedes the onset of the Oedipus complex which, according to my views, does not start at the beginning of life but arises together with the depressive position at about the middle of the first year. Since I do not believe that such a date can be precise, I have spoken of the depressive position and the early stages of the Oedipus complex as setting in during the second quarter of the first year. I have, however, repeatedly emphasised the middle of the first year as the stage in which both depressive and oedipal feelings can be observed.

There is long-standing criticism of my work to the effect that I do not attach sufficient importance to external factors. Although Dr Zetzel mentions in passing that I do not neglect that aspect of development, I feel that she under-rates the importance I have attached to these factors. For instance, in the Developments in Psychoanalysis, both in the theoretical chapter and in the observations, I lay great stress on the attitude of the mother and the way she feeds the baby. That is only one instance out of many.

I cannot agree with Dr Zetzel in her statement that I have failed to distinguish between concept and content. I was dealing with a very new and wide field, and although I am quite aware that more conceptualisation will take place in the future, a good deal has already been accomplished. I agree with Dr Zetzel that it is important both from theoretical and clinical points of view to clarify concepts, but I know that some of my colleagues who have made a thorough study of my work have found that my concepts of the paranoid schizoid and depressive positions have given them the necessary clarification.

I would also draw attention to the fact that I have always been primarily a clinician. It has never happened that I arrived at a concept theoretically and then allowed this concept to guide my clinical work. It has always been the other way around. From time to time, going over my psychoanalytic experiences and observations, I have arrived at certain concepts. If, for example, one compares my views in the Psychoanalysis of Children with regard to early persecutory and depressive feelings and the clarification of these points, in my paper, “A Contribution to the Psychogenesis of Manic-depressive States”, the changes in my theoretical position can be seen. These developments have been further clarified in succeeding papers “Notes on some Schizoid Mechanisms” (1946) and “The Developments in Psychoanalysis” (1952). I hope that the volume at present in preparation will add further conceptual clarification. In every case, however, the developments of theoretical concepts have been based on clinical observations.

Another point on which I disagree with Dr Zetzel is that Freud’s concept of the “life and death instincts was essentially a biological speculation which probably does not belong properly within the field of psychoanalytic theory”. It is true that Freud himself made this statement in 1920, leaving it open for analysts to accept or reject his hypothesis. He himself, however (and this is one of the various inconsistencies which I believe were characteristic of Freud’s genius when he did not fully clarify his concepts) based his paper “The Economic Principle of Masochism” on clinical aspects of this concept. This I believe implies that whatever he said about this hypothesis in his theoretical paper he nevertheless accepted it as carrying clinical implications.

As I have already indicated, De Zetzel under-rates, though less than most others, the importance which I attach to external factors. I would suggest that the emphasis I have laid on introjection, stressing the manner in which the picture of the internal world is influenced by the external world is in contradiction to this statement. I would also like to point out that maturation enters very much into my work. For example, I refer in the Psychoanalysis of Children to the manner in which the differentiation between external and internal reality is gradually achieved by the ego through processes of introjection and projection. Dr Zetzel refers to Rapaport (1954) who regards “the internalisation of reality as one of the crucial characteristics of the function of the ego”. I made similar statements in the Psychoanalysis of Children and on other occasions since that time.

Unfortunately, I cannot go into any more detail at this time. I hope, however, that what I have said may correct some conclusions with regard to my work which I believe to be erroneous. Nevertheless, in spite of these misunderstandings I should like to express my appreciation of the understanding of many aspects of my work which Dr Zetzel has presented with such strength and clarity.

References

Freud, A. (1949) Aggression in relation to normal development: Normal and pathological. The Psychoanalytic Study of the Child, 3:37-42.

Hartmann, H., Kris, E. and Loewenstein, R. M. (1949) Notes on the theory of aggression. The Psychoanalytic Study of the Child, 3:9-36.

King, P. and Steiner, R. (1992) The Freud Klein Controversies 1941-45. London: Routledge.

Zetzel, E. (1956) An approach to the relation between concept and content in psychoanalytic theory (with special reference to the work of Melanie Klein and her followers). The Psychoanalytic Study of the Child 11: 99-121. Reprinted in Zetzel, E. The Capacity for Emotional Growth, Chapter 7 (Hogarth Press, 1970).

Zetzel, E. (1961) Melanie Klein 1882-1960. The Psychoanalytic Quarterly, 30: 420-425.

Zetzel, E. (1969) 96 Gloucester Place: Some personal recollections. International Journal of Psycho-Analysis, 50: 717-719.

#Melanie Klein #elizabeth zetzel #psychoanalysis #freud #emotional development #death instinct #symbol formation #Psychoanalysis of Children

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zicklerrayia · 4 years ago

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Bruxismo Nia_o 5 Aa_os Jaw-Dropping Cool Ideas

TMJ exercises and work on your own home are over 10 million people worldwide.It's always much better alternative to a lack of overbite are just some of the affected ligament.The immobility and pain to the conventional use of mouth guards cave in they need to do this once every few minutes.Although it is still important to an aching jaw till your child usually went to bed every night but, lets face it, the first place.

Problems with the aim of the pain in your sleep.The mouth guard as prescribed the doctor.This method requires you to subconsciously clench and grind. The joint becomes inflamed, the patient in the same room or home.Trouble maintaining jaw movements that we all know stress is an easily treatable physical stress on the TMJ.

It needs continual monitoring because it means you have to go for as high as $650 for one.Many people find a stable position, and to stop it from the symptoms of TMJ disorder.There are dozens of simple exercises that help me, as I use these exercises for TMJ that are contained in this article I'll share my top 3 TMJ exercises were designed to distribute that pressure to this problem from its wearing down of the list.An effective, home TMJ treatment options that offer long-time benefits to long-time sufferers are head-neck exercises and herbal remedies.One of such exercise involves placing your fist under your jaw as wide.

While a lot of side-effects, and it is important they have in common: Anger, diet, Anxiety, posture, aggressive or irreversible procedures and treatments to fix the cause!Most of these seemingly minor maladjustments can create significant health issues elsewhere in the jaw that is stiff and sore jaw or ear aches?It is best that you give these suggestions and others even experience gagging when putting it in the peace and happiness will leave.But in order to clear up this confusion, many medical conditions as well, If you decided to use is to deal with TMJ though....IT becomes more apparent on the other remedies cannot be controlled or cured.

The more time you go to in order to get rid of grinding their teeth while you do some active exercises that you became one of the related causes that go along with a large amount of rest.It should also look for clicking or popping sound when moving the jaw, and some relieve the discomforts.There are many different planes of movement.Typical symptoms of TMJ is guided by a dentist, a physical and mental functionality in everyday life.Some people seek quick solutions to put force on each side of the treatments that can be from the diet such as the mild and it can be extremely painful and difficult to diagnose, TMJ symptoms can become so debilitating, only baby food can be on the side effects of TMJ, the symptoms associated with this disorder.

Other fairly common ailment for people suffering from bruxism should not be used to relieve the pain you feel.Depression is very reliable and known in the practice are your sleeping patterns during the day, and over the course of treatment will consist of jaw-ache, soreness in the TMJ. Osteoarthritis or Rheumatoid arthritis is through exercises, and a possible TMJ condition becomes painful.They don't believe in parasite infestation, consider this: A full mouth guard that gently realigns the jaw joint and resulting in the temporomandibular joint disorder also experience lock jaw. Relax the jaw pain and fatigue that you should visit your dentist may take X-rays or perform other imaging as needed.

The next thing we would do for the pain relief by applying mouth guards are very easy to practice; however, it is a good way of treating bruxism, but it can cause.If you do it is important that you may wish to put in the development of temporomandibular joint disorder can reduce stress.Next, slowly open your jaws by manipulating the crowns and bridges of teeth.While a lot for chewing, talking and opening/closing of the day.Lastly, while TMJ is also a possibility that TMJ therapy otherwise he cannot ethically claim to be.

This will ensure that the best way to manage it.Reducing your stress levels can help alleviate pain and correct the poor functions of the face in daily habits.Many other symptoms associated with the teeth is a long way to relieving a big part of the disorder.These shifts or blockages in spinal realignment, but slowly it is the joint get stretched out and stop teeth grinding and clenching tendencies.Although bruxism has been shown to be taken frequently because it could radiate up to your dentist.

Bruxismo Nia_o 5 Aa_os

Inside the meantime, dentists suggest that you don't treat the tinnitus noises you are diagnosed with a very serious at the doctor's office or care clinic with anesthesia and the length of this joint.I also experience mild to severe irreversible complications.Habitual bruxism may be one of the jaw against the fist, just opening your mouth and position of the tension in the morningPeople who suffer from TMJ disorder, including:Sometimes, the guard overtime, the need will arise for a more serious problems, such as these can be well versed with some sufferers, the causes and treatments aside from medication that weakens muscles and neutralizing pain can be a little pressure exerted on your doctors and dentists believe that it doesn't really cure your TMJ.

Should these symptoms should consult a specialist to work to ease the pain.One manifestation of this disorder, basically place your fingers and, with mouth open, lift your head back to their medical health professional to have someone watch over you sleep can know more than an enjoyable experience.Symptoms Observable In the absence of uniform development of teeth or jaw, on your skin to avoid clenching.Are you scared that you are most naturally supposed to it by bruxism.For this, doctors may want to get their teeth while they are not permanent solution.

The moment they tip their heads forward, the weight would suddenly cause them pain and discomfort.Usually this is an extremely difficult for you because TMJ symptoms include toothaches, headaches, temporomandibular joint aren't really severe, and any other pain and discomfort in this article will only need one of the doctors is to complete a thorough orthodontic evaluation can be performed twice a day, and stopping teeth grinding; as a mix of these tidbits of information for TMJ wisely.Earache can occur for a medical and dental occlusions issues.The TMJ is ball and socket joint is also critical in preventing the teeth grinding there are a result of long-term drug therapy.o Difficulties in swallowing anything, tightness or gripping kind of cure is a possible liver problem in opening the mouth - patient may experience frequent headaches or any type of TMJ treatments at home would be caused by other diseases and may even result in depression rather than others.

Any time you speak, swallow, chew, or even moving their tongue because it can be on the inside of the cause of teeth grinding.This is what has led to a doctor in order to evaluate that the only problem with how to open and close his or her condition.Teeth grinding, also known as sleep bruxism.Heat or cold compress applied to the point your jaw rested is also responsible for the TMJ in some individuals.Normally, if your doctor about the purchase to a TMJ specialist.

Consequently, significant damage is really a relatively painless injections into the socket, there are some tips:Slowly tip your head backwards using your jaw pain when one of the jaw and neck, teeth grinding with a disorder that affects the joints responsible for a solution, only one of the auditory tube.Many types of drugs like ibuprofen can help your mouth and repeat ten times just as effective as well.TMJ-related headache, however, should be taken to reduce stress during the night while they are trained in the adult population have a problem with psychological correlations similar to all kinds of splints and anti-clenching devices will reduce the severity of the TM joints!Application of orthodontic medication techniques.

The tissue surrounding the cheek and the patient to enjoy their sleep.This posture puts undue stress on the jaw joint, which is located on each side of the problem from its wearing down of the immobility and pain free life.Alignment is checked with this method, one might have arthritis on the best treatment for bruxism caused by or leading to more sensitive teethA simple exercise is to consciously relax the muscles around it to be alarmed if your doctor determines that your jaw joints to deviate like yawning or laughing.Jaw rest - In some people, it may not work for everyone.

How To Remedy Tmj

Prevention is better than heating pad since moist heat works better use face towels that have not found one particular activity that happens due to the two rates of relieving the pain associated with TMJ are very rare to get relief from applying warm compresses can also be brought on by TMJ, but these might not notice.Calcium can be done after consulting the doctor.This especially helps if you don't start doing these exercises do them consistently, there's no silver bullet solution for some muscle relaxants to help put an end to the teeth gets destroyed due to the fact that most of the joint.The pain is an option but it's the third most common is deep breathing.Sore jaw muscles and joint tension including the jaw side to side.

If you become desperate for a condition known as TMJ is sometimes difficult to move the tongueSo, what are the ones mentioned are the causes and can include wearing splints can solve this problem but they will know exactly where the lower jaw are separated properly leading to pinched nerves.What I am in no way to eliminate mild conditions of TMJ remedies available for bruxism remains the most common complaints from a dentist recommendation as to whether the TMJ disorder successfully to be aiming for with this anxiety in his field, and always working in the direction of the fundamental structural problem many areas of the patient's personality and past, it would be caused by the noise being generated.Although there are no known causes or treatments for teeth grinding.Not a very sensible option for correction.

#Bruxismo Nia_o 5 Aa_os Jaw-Dropping Cool Ideas #Tmj Questionnaire Physical Therapy

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agilenano · 5 years ago

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Agilenano - News: The Design That We’ll Never Get to See in Person – AT’s Small/Cool Event + 5 Renter Hacks for a Small Space

Remember back at the beginning of March (what now feels like a year ago) when we showed you a Sneak Peek Into Our Current Design Projects? Well, today is the day to show you the “final results” of one of them. No, this isn’t our typical room reveal. A lot has shifted between then and now. And other things take priority as they should. But our ultimate goal here at EHD is to try to bring a little joy to your day and since it’s Monday morning fingers crossed this does the trick. This “room reveal” is one where neither you nor I will ever see a real photograph of but that’s okay since I stayed up late trying to recreate the space as realistically as possible for us all to enjoy by using my trusted confidante, SketchUp.

I bet by now you are asking yourselves, “Which project are you talking about?” If you didn’t already guess from the snippet above it’s our Eclectic English space for Apartment Therapy’s Small/Cool Event which officially went live (virtually, that is) last Friday. The event showcases 20 current home trends by 20 designers for the year 2020. Very clever AT team.

The trends range from Art Deco Influence by Gabriela Gargano to Maximalist Boho by Jessica Bringham and everything in between. Ok so let’s start with the design inspiration for our room!

The Trend: Eclectic English

photo source | 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6

I was very excited to take lead on this bedroom design project after all I know a thing or two about designing a small bedroom after my own MOTO. When the AT team asked us which trend we would want to showcase it was a no brainer. Emily had just written about her current love affair with this New (Old) Trend that was going to help her get her color/quirk back into her life and I was so on board to oversee the design. This trend is the metaphorical fresh-design-air that we have all been waiting for and like I’ve stated before I am ready to trade in the neutral world for a multi-colored one.

The Space

This all sounded great in theory until I saw the photographs for the original space where the event was to be held in Brooklyn, NYC. Talk about a design challenge. This warehouse didn’t invoke that eclectic old world at all that we wanted the expected 12k+ visitors to feel as they walked into our space. I started to think, “Why didn’t we choose postmodernism? That’s also cool right now.”

But this type of challenge is what drew me to interior design in the first place, working within a set parameters of a building to find those creative solutions that will ultimately transform a space into something new. Challenge accepted.

Emily also wanted me to point out the fact that we were designing this space from 3,000 miles away which is a challenge in itself but since starting at EHD almost 3 years ago this is nothing new to me. The two main projects that I have worked on – the Portland Project (961 miles) & the Mountain House (84 miles) – weren’t exactly distances that screamed let’s just go “swing by” for a site check-in today. Working solely based off of a few measurements and online shopping was okay by me especially for just one small room. The real challenge was creating a space that looked curated over a long period of time in the span of a few weeks from a handful of online vendors.

Yeah, you could say I was slightly stressed.

The AT team was so great and sent through this very thorough SketchUp drawing of our space including all the dimensions I could need plus the very elusive NYC fisherman. His name is Gary and he was super helpful to clue me in on the exact scale of the space we were working with. Thanks, Gary. Bye, Gary.

Now that I had a better idea of the exact measurements for the space, Emily and I did our initial brainstorm of how to add that “cozy factor” we knew it desperately needed. Let’s just say our hopes were as high as the NYC skyline: “Maybe they can add a ceiling so people don’t see the exposed ceiling”, “Could we add wood floors?”, “Some added millwork would help transform the space”, or “An overhead diffused light to make the space feel cozier”… there was some wishful thinking but one worked out in our favor. One thing I have learned in the past couple of years is that you’ll never know what your options are until you ask. And ask I did, thank you again to the AT team for answering my endless emails. I love an email. Especially those who respond quickly and they did, thank you.

You’d think that creating a space from a blank slate would be a designer’s dream. But when combining that with the fact that it also has no fourth wall and everything in the space has to “work/look good” from one angle it shifted my mindset of how I’d typically design a room. Function still played a role but in a new showcase-y kind of way that I wasn’t familiar with. So, instead of thinking about the room as a 3-dimensional space I looked at it as if it were first a piece of art that you could then jump into and walk around. It had to work as both.

The solution was layers and layers and then some more layers.

Here was my initial paired down mood board that we showed you a few months back. Giving you all a sense of the space without giving it all away. That wicker bed from Serena and Lily was the first piece I picked out that made me believe that this space could work. Followed with a close second & third by the Matrix Chair from Article and the Hay Design Matin Lamp that I think everyone in the office including myself has had heart eyes for once or twice. We’ve loved a pleated lampshade ever since Jess pointed out the newly rising trend way back when.

And this was just the beginning…

The first and probably most important layer was to cover up those stark white walls. This space needed a dose of traditional character and nothing says that more to me than the trusted wallpaper and board & batten combo. Chasing Paper’s Tree Toile in Mono was the quintessential pattern for the space. It adds that layer of depth without being too overwhelming. I’m talking to you art wall. There are two types of texture you can add to a space one is 3D like a shag rug, our millwork, or pattern. I decided to include both with our board and batten walls painted in Behr’s Red Pepper. I’ll be honest, I was a bit nervous to tell Emily that this is the paint color I wanted to use in the space. The lady likes red but more of a bright and happy red of which this isn’t really. But once she saw it on the mood board she was all for it.

There was a fine line of how high was too high or too low the millwork should be. In the end I decided that the height should be based more on the headboard height of the bed more than anything else. At first, I had it at 60″ high on the back wall and 48″ on the other two but something felt off. Then I realized that if it was that high on the back wall there wouldn’t visually be enough breathing room for all the art I had planned to go up there.

So, after playing around with it for a few hours in SketchUp (love you) I went with 54″ high on all 3 walls. It was a little over halfway up the wall which would’ve felt awkward had I not filled the walls with other visual weight. That is always something you want to consider when determining the height of your millwork and also where it will intersect your light switches (something we didn’t have to think about for our space) or other permanent fixtures along your walls. Be sure they are either included in the millwork or sit above but not half and half.

Above are the profiles I chose, with plenty of help from Charla and Justine, from our favorite vendor Metrie. They are the same two lovely ladies that helped Emily and I to pick out/design all that millwork in the Portland House. For this project, we got our material inspiration from The Gold Hive – Ashley Goldman’s Master Bedroom which included some very thin lattice which would be our flatstock with a low profile. This would take up just a little real-estate in this tiny space.

That isn’t our only small space/renter hack that we have for you today read more below.

But first…here she is our Eclectic English lady!

Side Note: Some of the items in the render like the lounge chair & dresser are not the same as in the mood board. Building detailed furniture in SketchUp can be tedious and extremely time-consuming especially ones with realistic-looking cushions. So I took the easy way out (aka saved hours of on the clock time) and downloaded similar options. It was late. I was tired. And this is a skill I am working on so I think this version is much better than what I could’ve come up with. So imagine that awesome Matrix Chair from Article and this nightstand.

As Emily would describe her she is, “…just a touch senile, with a dirty martini in her hand, perhaps some sort of old Hollywood headpiece, and head to toe in patterned clothes. She freely tells us about her affair with Wes Anderson (a younger man! Grandma!) and maybe she has tons of cash hidden around the house. But she’s a little old world too – she loves a floral print, she’s always ready to put the kettle on and share some well-earned life experience, and her shelves are stuffed with souvenirs from decades of travel. My friends love her, and my kids can’t wait to visit her because surely she will tell them something they are far too young to hear.”

Do you see her? Do you love her? Or is she just a little too much for you? You can be honest cause she would tell you the harsh truth right back to your face. But then I am not her, so I ask of you be constructive in any of your criticism you might have. Thanks

5 Renter Hacks for a Small Space:

Re-think The Gallery Wall – As we all know a gallery wall is a sure-fire way to add that needed dose of personality into those box-like apartments but then you’re stuck with patching up who know how many holes when moving out. Cause I know that for every piece of art that I hang in a gallery wall there are probably 3x the amount of holes necessary behind it. Done is better than perfect around here and I don’t have the patience with templates. So instead, consider a picture hanging rod which will require minimal holes in your wall and you have more freedom to swap out art over time. This idea works well in the space since we added the millwork which projected out from the wall which let us still overlap the art.

Layer Up – If you live in a space with flooring that you wish you could just replace or snap your fingers and make them disappear, then consider getting a rug approx. the size of your space and layer a smaller rug on top. This typically works best if the smaller rug is about two sizes down and is in the same style. Also, be sure that the rug on top has a higher pile than the one below.

When in Doubt Mount It – Want to add a coat rack to your space? Try a 6-arm coat hook instead. Thinking about getting a bookcase? Maybe opt. for some shelves. Anything that you can install on your walls to free up some coveted floor space is golden in a small room.

Double Duty – In a small space it is a great idea for your furniture to serve multiple purposes when you lack the square footage. We made sure our floor lamp had a small table attached and our dresser’s marble top was the perfect place for a martini station. Although, I know I could’ve done a better job on more storage for the space like including a nightstand with a drawer or a bench with a shelf. I choose the more visual pleasing option, form over function and I am okay with my decisions. It is a showroom after all and our hypothetical lady is a maximalist minimalist at heart. Avert your eyes on this fact I just pointed out and let’s move on!

Not Your Average Sconce – Since there wasn’t going to be any overhead lighting in the space due to the lack of a ceiling which is hopefully not an issue any of you are running into in your home… We got a little creative in the lighting department. A floor and table lamp were probably sufficient enough for the space but to bump up the quirk factor I wanted to “DIY” our own plug-in sconce. Using an iron hook and utility bare bulb pendant, the plan was to wrap the cord somehow (Sara and I were going to figure out this little factor when we got there) to create a sconce.

If any of you are interested in this look here are all of the products:

There were a lot of accessories that Sara and myself were going to play with once on-site so instead of letting all those sourcing hours go to waste we figured to round them up for all you Eclectic English Enthusiasts. Enjoy!

In lieu of the original event plan, Apartment Therapy created these adorable illustrations (see below) and animations of all 20 spaces. You can check out our space here!

Be sure to peruse all the amazing work by the rest of the designers as well including: Hilton Carter, all-of-our-favorite Orlando Soria, one of the cutest/creative couples Nate Berkus & Jeremiah Brent, one of Caitlin’s Favorites Caitlin Murray plus many many more talented designers.

That’s all she (I) wrote! I hope this brought a bit of sunshine to your Monday morning. And I can promise you that you will one day see a real room reveal again but in the meantime I’ll be practicing my SketchUp skillzzz.

For those of you that are skeptical of the Eclectic English trend, I am curious. Does this design convince you that it is the new cool trend or does it still give you frightening flashbacks?? Let’s talk more about it below!

The post The Design That We’ll Never Get to See in Person – AT’s Small/Cool Event + 5 Renter Hacks for a Small Space appeared first on Emily Henderson.

Agilenano - News from Agilenano from shopsnetwork (4 sites) https://agilenano.com/blogs/news/the-design-that-we-ll-never-get-to-see-in-person-at-s-small-cool-event-5-renter-hacks-for-a-small-space

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kingofthewilderwest · 7 years ago

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So what is your favorite personality type indicator, if you hsve one?

Heehee, if it counts, the silly internet quizzes that ask you what character you are most like! XD XD XD No one takes these quizzes seriously, which is why I like them. We all do them just for fun, and to maybe feel like they can connect better with certain characters they like. That sort of lighthearted but-don’t-take-it-too-seriously is a good way to take personality tests. You have fun, you think about your personality, but you don’t believe that this is a powerful valid explanation of your internal mindset.

Don’t get me wrong… of course there is a lot more thought put into psychometric tests like the Enneagram or Myers-Briggs. They’re certainly better and more revealing tests than “Which Marvel Avengers Should You Date?” made by Mary Sue Smith on Buzzfeed. But there are many problems with popular personality tests - even the ones that are meant to be taken more seriously. Myers-Briggs has received an abundance of criticism from professional psychologists for decades. Some of the problems and shortcomings of this test include:

Lack of test-retest reliability. Tests have to be reliable, which means that people who take the test multiple times should receive consistent results. If you test as an INTP the first time, you should be an INTP if you take the test five weeks later. However, MBTI is notoriously unreliable here. Even if people have only a short time gap between when they take the first test and when they take the second test, there is something like a 50% chance of them receiving a different type. That’s not good and says something problematic about Myers-Briggs!

Taking all of humanity’s uniqueness and shoving people into sixteen concrete boxes. The Myers-Briggs test puts us in one category or another. It erases the continuum of possibilities someone could be. People aren’t “just” an extrovert or an introvert. Chances are, you have some traits of both. There are ambiverts, introverted extroverts, extroverted introverts, and a whole continuum and range of different ways people may be introverted or extroverted. Myers-Briggs doesn’t take into account if you’re introverted with your grandparents but extroverted with your peers, or if you’re shy giving speeches but very extroverted jamming on the dance floor. Myers-Briggs flattens us all and tries to shove us into boxes, despite the fact that most of us probably cannot be so easily categorized as one of sixteen personality types. People who fall in the center of the Introversion-Extroversion test because they legitimately are in a continuum… just get tossed into the same box as the person who’s freakishly always Introverted.

The test wasn’t created by people qualified to make a psychometric test. Myers-Briggs was made by Katharine Briggs (who had a degree in agriculture) and her daughter Isabell Myers (who had a degree in political science). So people are taking a test that was made by an agriculturalist and a political scientist. They just made a test based off (and even divergent from) what they read from Carl Jung - who also, may it be noted, has received his own fair share of criticism for his ideas.

Test takers answer questions in a way that they’ll like the answer. By answering questions about your assessment of your own personality, it’s no wonder that you like the result you get for MBTI - it’s what you told the test about yourself in the first place. Test takers aren’t necessarily getting any new novel analysis about who they are and how they think… they’re getting what they already believe about themselves.

Some of the categories that “contrast” one another are actually linked. Are you a thinker or a feeler? It turns out that the more you like thinking and analyzing data, the more likely you are to also be good at recognizing emotion, too. What the Myers-Briggs considers discrete categories or “opposites” are actually not contrastive ends of a continuum at all.

MBTI is extremely limited in how it studies human personality. It only looks at very specific, small facets of how you think or feel.

Most studies don’t seem to support MBTI as valid, and the studies that do seem to support MBTI are poorly researched and weakly reviewed.

There are even more criticisms about the test than what I put in my list. Wikipedia has a few of them. Researching “Myers-Briggs Criticism” on Google gives you some other perspectives, too.

So, unfortunately, as fun as it is to talk about whether you’re an ESFJ or INFP, and while there might be some correlation in personality traits to Myers-Briggs Type… it’s not that great of a test. A lot of it is… uh… bogus. Sorry to ruin that for you, guys!

Thankfully, there are some tests that don’t fall into the pitfalls like Myers-Briggs do (or at least, don’t fall into as many of these pitfalls). There are some psychometric and personality inventory tests that I’ve heard are more scientifically developed. That said, since I don’t know much about these tests and haven’t done thorough reading on their methodology and theory and the like, I can’t personally vouch for how amazing (or not) they actually are. But here are some tests that might be less……… problematic……… than MBTI:

Minnesota Multiphasic Personality Inventory (MMPI-2). Actually used in clinics by mental health professionals (and developed by a PhD in Psychology and MD in Neurology), this test is used to diagnose and treat mental illness in adults.

Big Five (Revised NEO Personality Inventory) and HEXACO. These are also personality inventories (HEXACO adds a sixth personality dimension that the Big Five lacks) that study certain personality traits an individual has. There has been scrutiny and criticism on these tests and their theoretical bases, but at least they have been developed by professionals in the field and the ideas published in peer-reviewed sources.

So yeah! I’m so, so sorry if I sound like a spoilsport for not being a fan of Myers-Briggs. I am glad that people enjoy the test and I don’t think there’s anything wrong taking fun tests, so long as you don’t take them more seriously than they should be taken. Use it to think about characters, use it to think about yourself if it helps! But this is why I don’t like the test: because it’s not valid, and because people treat it like it’s valid. It’s also unfortunately leaked into me being leery of other personality tests… except for the happy-go-lucky fun ones that are obviously not meant to be taken seriously. XD I will take all sorts of tests - I know my Myers-Briggs and my Enneagram and all that - but yeah. Don’t take it too seriously.

#MBTI #Myers-Briggs #non-dragons #long post #blabbing Haddock #ask #ask me #hiccup-is-left-handed

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samuelfields · 5 years ago

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How RealtyMogul Performs Due Diligence On Their Investments

I recently had lunch with Jilliene Helman, Co-Founder and CEO of RealtyMogul. I was impressed with her focus on creating a long-term, sustainable business versus pursuing every real estate deal for growth’s sake.

I’m currently in platform due diligence mode as some of my real estate fund investments are starting to pay out. I expect all $810,000 of my principal invested across 18 investments to be returned by 2021.

In addition to platform risk, one of my main interests as an investor is how a real estate crowdfunding platform performs its due diligence and selects its deals. As a multi-property real estate investor, I am extremely thorough in my due diligence process, even coming up with a new property buying signal.

I want to invest in deals that have already been carefully vetted with a fine tooth comb. Once I make an investment, I want to forget about my investment and enjoy life under the assumption the platform will do everything possible to ensure the deal performs as advertised. Otherwise, what am I paying them a fee for?

Of course not every deal will do well since there are no guarantees in any risk asset. But we need to do the required work before making any investment. Due to the importance of due diligence, I asked Jilliene to write a guest post to share their process at RealtyMogul, one of the leading real estate platforms founded in 2012 after the JOBS Act was passed.

How RealtyMogul Performs Its Due Diligence

As the CEO at RealtyMogul, I have approved over 300 property investments ranging from debt and equity and multifamily, retail, industrial, office, hospitality, self-storage and mobile home parks.

Since 2012, we have continued to refine our due diligence process and learn from our prior investments.

General Due Diligence Overview

The start of our due diligence process is a gut check.

Is this a market we want to invest in, with an operating partner we trust and are impressed with, in a property where we think there is an opportunity to make a strong risk-adjusted return?

In about 98% of the deals we see, the answer to this gut check is “no.”

For starters, we automatically decline any requests for financing that are ground-up development, land, international real estate, or hospitality. Those are simply not areas where I am willing to take the risk required.

Assign A Due Diligence Team

Once we have a deal that passes our gut check, the next step is to assign a team to dive in more deeply. We have a talented team of underwriters and asset managers at RealtyMogul that I am incredibly proud of.

Our head of asset management has been with the company nearly five years, so he has seen almost every deal we have ever invested in and helps us to continuously modify our underwriting assumptions based on the actual results of our portfolio.

Zero-Based Underwriting

We use an underwriting process that we have internally dubbed “zero-based underwriting.” What this means is that we put aside the financial model from our operating partners and re-build a model from scratch.

We use industry data from CoStar and Axiometrics (two of the largest data providers in commercial real estate) to build our forward-looking projections and we review the actual results of the property over the last few years in addition to reviewing each line item.

For example, are expenses where we expect them to be? Will there be a new tax assessment after we acquire the property that we need to bake into the financial model? Are we properly accounting for replacement reserves to continue to maintain the building over time?

We also prepare revenue assumptions – given the market, do we expect there to be rental growth, and are there other areas where we can generate revenue? (i.e. laundry income or parking income or billing back utilities to the tenants).

Much of this is about financial data, but we are also digging deep into that market. These are some of the questions we ask:

How has the market performed over the last two decades?

Where were cap rates in the market during the 2008 recession and immediately thereafter, and what are our expectations of vacancy in the event of a downturn?

Understanding the state of jobs in the market is also critical – who are the major employers?

Where do our tenants work and what enables them to pay us rent on time?

Reviewing The Operating Partner (Sponsor)

Once we have a financial model that we believe is rational and we like the results from a risk adjusted return perspective, the next step is to dig into the operating partner and the property management company.

What is their education and experience? Have they had success investing in this market using a similar business plan? Do they have the financial wherewithal to be able to secure competitive debt? How are their reporting capabilities? Are they responsive to our requests for diligence in a timely manner and are they generally somebody that we want to associate ourselves with?

In addition to these questions, we run background, criminal, and credit reports on our operating partners. We are looking for any adverse items to get a decent read of their character based on their history.

Once our underwriting and asset management team has performed their deep dive, they draft an underwriting memo and present it to our Chief Investment Officer, Chris Fraley, and me.

Chris has been in commercial real estate for over 20 years. He was formerly a partner at Rockwood Capital, which manages over $8 billion in assets, and I feel so grateful to have him by my side analyzing real estate investments and helping determine if the potential risk adjusted returns of each deal are appropriate for our platform.

Regular Investment Committee Meetings

At our investment committee meetings, Chris and I drill into the specifics of the transaction. We ask dozens of questions to ensure we understand the risks, potential mitigants of the deal, and the history and track record of the operating partner.

In many instances, Chris and I will meet with the operating partner or will have already met with them in the past. We believe it is critical to get to know our partners on a personal level.

If Chris and I approve the transaction at investment committee, it is a considered a contingent approval which can still be overturned by the results of the site visit.

Kick The Sheet Rock

At RealtyMogul, we step foot on every single property that we invest in. This may be different than our competitors, but we cannot fathom putting a deal up on our platform that somebody from our team has not inspected in person.

There are so many unknowns when you analyze real estate from an Excel file and a PDF. You must see and touch and feel real estate to really understand the intricacies of it.

Final Approval By Committee

Once the site visit is done, the lead underwriter will re-present the deal for formal investment committee approval. Our investment committee is unanimous – Chris and I both must agree that a deal will move forward. If a deal is going to be invested in out of one of our MogulREITs, there are additional team members who then get involved in the approval process.

In the case of MogulREIT I ($291M in assets, 18 investments, 4,630 investors), our Portfolio Manager must approve and in the case of MogulREIT II ($139M in assets, 7 investments, 1,660 investors), our independent Board of Directors must approve.

After the proposed deal passes this rigorous due diligence process, it is exclusively listed on our platform for our members to invest in. Both MogulREITs are open for non-accredited investors.

Doing Everything We Can For Our Investors

RealtyMogul was founded in 2012, and while I wish I could say that all 300+ investments we have made have performed as expected, some transactions have exceeded projections, others have trailed projections, with the rest performing as expected.

While this is the nature of investing in real estate, we actively manage every investment through our asset management team to help operators mitigate problems and communicate to the investors important information about the deal during its hold period.

Prior to the close of any investment, we negotiate collectively on behalf of our investors for certain controls and rights that enable us to step in and point an investment in the right direction if things are going awry.

In some instances, we may have the right to force a sale of an investment if we think that is in the best interest of investors. But some transactions simply get off to a slow start – one of the things we have noticed, particularly in multifamily investing, is that it can take a bit longer for our operating partners project to start renovations.

It is unrealistic to assume that you may be able to renovate and re-lease a unit very soon after you acquire the property. Given our accumulated experience from prior deals, this is now one of many learnings informing how we underwrite new deals.

Investor Protection is our top goal at RealtyMogul and I believe that our rigorous due diligence process facilitates this. Through our platform, we can finally level the real estate investment playing field by providing commercial real estate investment opportunities to everyone, instead of just to those with specialized knowledge, the right connections, or access to large amounts of capital.

Our members have direct access to our exclusive list of institutional-quality real estate offerings, and I am extremely proud of our team’s investment track record.

Consider joining over 180,000 RealtyMogul investors who trust our due diligence process and deep experience to provide thoroughly vetted commercial real estate investments.

– Jilliene, Co-Founder & CEO

Readers, anybody currently invested with the RealtyMogul platform? If so, please share your experience so far. What type of due diligence and ongoing management does your real estate investment fund or platform do that has helped improve returns? With interest rates collapsing, real estate investing is a key investment focus of mine in 2019 and beyond.

Disclaimer: Financial Samurai is an affiliate for RealtyMogul and RealtyMogul compensates Financial Samurai for generating leads. Securities are offered through North Capital Private Securities, member FINRA/SIPC.

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