#not to bring up old drama again on dash. Just meaning to say that the framework of character progression is already in place and I just need

[kazeofthemagun]

@8radicaldragon8 asked the summoner:

10 c: (a way that they are improving on any of the above!)

What the fuck is wrong with my character?

Haha, this is gonna sound rambley without (fresh) context.

As much as he resigns himself to acting in accordance to a higher design, that in itself does not mean he can't improve on a personal level. His own flaws and insecurities still exist separately from the duress of purpose - such as his core fear: losing Kumo, especially as a result of the damage he himself had caused.

Kumo is Kaze's everything, both as his fellow Unlimited companion on the quest to end Chaos, but also as a friend and someone he considers a charge. This possessiveness gives birth to paranoid and harmful behavior, with Kaze himself erring always on the side of caution, which has led to isolating and emotionally (or, in one scene, physically) hurting Kumo on several occasions.

However, he hates to see his "other half" suffer, even if said suffering may seem to be in his best interest. Indeed, Kaze has never been great at interpersonal relationships and has always been either far below or far above others in Windarian hierarchy. The former teaching him some toxic lessons about authority, and the latter forcing far too many burdens, far too fast for his age.

At his core, especially now that he is linked to Bahamut, Kaze struggles with perceiving others as equals. Not in the sense of combat skills; But in the capacity to make their own decisions and shoulder responsibility. The gunman's crippling fear of Kumo returning to Anarchy is an example of such.

At the start of the verse, freshly post-canon, he still views Kumo as a naïve boy and seeks to control him through fear. Throughout the verse, he will learn to better respect his other's views and decisions, even in the event they stand in opposition to his own. Meeting his equal on equal terms, and undoing the damage done to his own perception of interpersonal relationships by Silver Storm.

In doing so, he must also allow himself to be loved in turn - for a being hated by everyone and everything cannot reliably show love, either. He even went as far as to cast away his name out of fear of ruining the image of the brother beloved by Aura - and by Kumo. But a dead thing cannot be held accountable, which means he must come to accept being alive, changed as he now is.

In accepting Kumo's help, in allowing his other's purpose of Salvation to extend to his own cursed self as well, the Black Wind may yet learn that he does not have to resign himself to being a monster and nothing else, and that even beings tethered to impossible decisions can still find peace in the little inbetweens. That he can be both Rorahm and the Hunter, and Rorahm does love his Seejvariil dearly. A discovery that will in turn allow Kumo to accept his own castaway name and reconcile with his past of slaughter.

Ultimately, since Salvation cannot save himself, someone else will have to.

[dalphahale]

Alright, I said I wasn't going to do this but I am over it and want to share my side of things so I don't have to again. Rant below.

It's come to my attention that a former RP partner of mine has been spreading lies about me and my character. She has told multiple circles that I am abusive, a gaslighter, and a manipulator without providing any proof of this information. I met this partner in March 2023 and we talked until February 2024. During this time, she smothered me and my character so much that I didn't really want to write anymore. I was afraid that if I posted online at all, she would notice and make some comment or see why I wasn't replying to our threads. I did point out to her that I didn't like all the recognition but it took me a long time to realize that I was unhappy on this platform because she tried to take all my time and attention. I dreaded being on here or on discord. I started to distance myself as I didn't enjoy my interactions but I felt like I needed to stick around as a friend because she was often sick and complaining to me about her chronic illness. This made me feel like I couldn't abandon her as she often seemed very lonely and I did feel bad that she was stuck inside because of the illness. I realize now that she used this more as a manipulation to likely keep me around and it worked until I couldn't deal with the constant messages, reblogs, ship posts, videos, whatever it was. I told her I no longer wanted to speak about anything that wasn't writing and that she needed to stop making me her sounding board for everything going on in her life.

She did not like the fact that I said no more to her and blocked me without any explantion. She then went around to multiple people that I do not know and accused me of being an abuser. I was far from that, I was a friend that listened and tried my best to be there for her when she needed it. I could not say the same about her. We knew each other for almost 11 months and she barely asked anything about me. When I told her I think I need to put my 17 year old cat down, all she said was "at least she had a good life" and then continued onto her own narcissistic spiral that was all about herself. Even when I told her I don't want to talk anymore about anything that isn't writing as I felt like we didn't have much of a friendship, she countered with "what do you mean? I just asked you about your job LAST WEEK." Mind you, we had known each other for 11 months and that was all she could come up with that she asked me about. Not how I was doing, how my life was going, not what kind of plans I had for the weekend, it was just one question she asked me a week before while she constantly trauma dumped and talked about herself to me.

Now, I blocked her and she blocked me in February and I wouldn't be bringing this all up if people didn't keep messaging me saying that this person has told them multiple lies about me and even claimed that she interacted with their characters just so I would see it and feel some type of way about it. She even began to write her own Derek, which is fine, I do not gatekeep Derek at all, but she wrote him purposely with someone I write with and tried to rub it in my face that her Derek was interacting with this person's characters. She would be sad to know that I never noticed as I rarely go on the dash and at that point I was dealing with my cat and could care less about Tumblr or what she was doing on it.

With all this information I would also like to say that this person is known for changing blogs often and this is because she gets in drama a lot on this site and needs to go into hiding and change her partners up so that they don't find out about her bullshit. She has taken characters, ideas, partners, and has collected faceclaims. She has also recently blocked a lot of her RP partners without any explanation why. She used to complain to me about people stealing her ideas or her characters but in reflection about all this I realize that it was her that stole most of the faceclaims and plotpoints she wanted to write. Her behavior since February has not changed, she's still a self absorbed, chronically online person who likes to create drama in every relationship she has. She does not care about you unless she can use you and she will manipulate you to think that you are the only person she will ever want to write with. You aren't. Just remember how many people she's lied to, hurt, and blocked and how many new blogs she needed so she could hide and write with people who know nothing about her yet.

That being said, I have had this blog over 10 years. I have not had any drama on this blog and I have not done anything that has made me need to hide myself as I genuinely believe in not having drama on here and keeping this website as fun as it can be. I have not abused anyone in my life and I do believe I'm a nice person that's willing to be a listening ear if you need it. I understand that a lot of you have gone through terrible things with her as well which I am truly sorry that you were put through all that and that I believed her when she said a lot of you were stealing her characters and ideas. I wish I had seen the red flags then so I wouldn't be needing to write this long post explaining everything. I do believe it's best to move on and just forget about said person as they thrive on attention which is why after this post I will not be making anymore about her. If you need to talk, feel free to DM me, other than that this chapter and drama is closed for me.

xoxo

G

[givemea-dam-break]

babes is back

hello my lovies!!!!!!

i am back!!!! much to your pleasure and simultaneous screaming because yes, if i am back, the fics will be back. and they will be painful.

i thought i’d give you guys a little explanation as to why i kind of randomly stopped coming on tumblr despite my reappearances in december, which were because the lovely @neewtmas had her 12 days of christmas (FIND THAT HERE) and we’re online friends in real life (if that makes any sense at all) and i wanted to support her!!!! my wife!!!!

under the cut below is my little rundown, under a cut simply because i don’t want to take up a million scrolls of your dash if you don’t want to read my reasonings or you are just happy i am back (i luv u)

i have felt terrible since becoming inactive on tumblr since i made so many friends and had so so so many people supporting not only my fanfictions but the edits i also started making, so this is also kind of like my apology to you guys because i went so unexpectedly and without any explanation. so if you want to keep reading, then keep reading!

BOO

scary cut. i know. it’s ok. i am here to protect u.

anyways, like i said, my inactivity on tumblr was a completely out of the blue thing that even i didn’t expect. one day, i just found myself unable to go on the app out of pure dread which i had never felt because it was one of my faves.

and not dread because of anything that had happened here per se, just because my life had been becoming a bit of a mess.

that goes way back, but the crux of it was when me and my boyfriend of 4 years (who i had been staying with after my mum moved away) broke up

i won’t get into details about the breakup itself for both my privacy and his (very unique instances caused it), but basically it got worse and worse, and by october time it was getting to a point where i wasn’t feeling right at all. he was messaging me all the time, begging to get back together, the usual, but he was always wanting to come see me at my dads and for SOME REASON felt as though he had some entitlement to meet my new cats aka my little babies. he was saying creepy things to me (that he didn’t mean as creepy) and by november i blocked him.

i wasn’t feeling safe physically, worried i’d see him on my walks home from the shop in a different town that he comes to often to hang out in with his best friend, but also mentally. i wasn’t in a good mental space at all. i was scared. i was confused. he had pushed all of the blame of the breakup onto me. i was working 35 hours a week while being a student (still am) and my brain had no time for anything but work, studying, and worrying.

tumblr isn’t my job, but the pure guilt i felt when i deleted the app hit me like a tonne of bricks. i felt terrible. one of the only things that gave me solace was something i couldn’t bring myself to go on to. i couldn’t bring myself to write the requests i had piling in, ones i still have huge guilt for never getting around to writing. i couldn’t bring myself to keep answering messages or reblogging things because i didn’t have it in me. i didn’t even write at all october-november because i just had nothing in me, which is so so unlike me.

one thing that did keep me going though, was my emails. “eden ew ur job alert emails? ur period tracker app trying to get u onto premium? the emails from the joint account u had with ur ex for his music career that went kasplut?” no silly. maybe the job alerts - my job has too much drama.

no. 15 year old eden logging back into tumblr and setting email notifs on for comments, tags, and inbox was perhaps the smartest thing she did, and she got all A’s in her exams.

every now and then, i’d get a little tumblr notification. one of those “put this in the inbox of one of your favourite blogs blah blah blah” i luv em. can never get myself to do them because of the 13 year old in me screaming to never do chain mail again after carmen winstead and her creepy voicenote. but i love them, and i appreciate every single person who sent me one.

i could see people commenting on my fics, and absolutely loving them. i could see what my mutuals tagged me in, even if i wasn’t able to react to them.

it gave me peace of mind to keep going with my life while still being able to cling onto the happiness this site brings me while not actually accessing it.

i will always be sorry that i left so suddenly, but it was a spur of the moment thing and something i couldn't even explain myself.

i'm back now, but i likely won't be as active as i used to be. i'm prioritising work and my studies as much as i can while still finding time to write. this being said, i can't promise that all requests sent to my inbox/messages will be answered. part of my leaving was being so overwhelmed by them all (and i thank you all for choosing me to requests fics from, it means a lot!) so if your request doesn't get answered, i truly am sorry and it isn't anything personal! maybe I'll get around to it in the future, but for now i want to bring the joy back to writing for me so i will not be overloading myself like i used to!

i hope you can all understand, and know i love you all so, so dearly! i wouldn't have the friends i do or be where i am in life without all of you!

love u all lots lovies <3

-ur favourite person ever ever ever, eden MWAH

[justmeinadaze]

Saying Sorry Part 3 (Steve X You)

A/N: Look at that utterly adorable sleeping boy <3 Ok, this took me awhile but alas my brain give you this.

Warning: Smut, a dash of angst, and all the fluff, friends to lovers

Word Count: 3378

Steve’s eyes kept glancing over to your empty chair in class as the teacher droned on about things he could care less about. Since that night after the game, he found himself being more lethargic than usual. It had been a couple of months since he talked to you but he did pass you in the hall a few times and, of course, still saw you during P.E. Every time you caught him looking, you would give him a soft smile before focusing on whatever else you were doing. 

He hated that you were being so kind to him. Part of him wished you would go back to glaring at him with disdain filled eyes so he could continue acting like he didn’t care. 

Steve had started seeing a girl he barely liked hoping it would take his mind off you. Jessie was nice enough and definitely pretty. She had this slightly vapid personality though that drove him up a wall but she was what the popular kids considered “acceptable.” 

This was the second day you hadn’t show up and he was starting to get worried. As the bell rang signaling the end of the period, he bolted to the lunchroom searching for your friend.

“Hey. You’re Y/N friend, right?”

Carrie looked up at him in utter confusion. “Yes? Why? Are you and Tommy missing her since you have no one else around here to make feel bad?”

He flinched at her comment and she caught it, scrunching her nose even further. “I, um, she just hasn’t been in class and I know…I mean…I just want to know if she’s ok, Carrie.”

Your friend sighs, feeling sympathy for his broken tone. “She’s fine, just sick. She caught a cold so she’s been at home. Y/N said she’ll be back after the weekend.”

Steve thanked her before running down the hall, out the door, and towards the parking lot.

###########

“Steve? What-what are you doing here?”

Loud knocking had startled you awake from your cocoon you had made on the couch. You thought it might be Carrie to bring you your homework from class but were totally throw off guard when you saw your old best friend standing at your front door.

“I talked to your friend and she said you were sick. You haven’t been at school…”

“Yeah, no, come in.”, you quickly usher him in as you close the door. “I just got a bit of a bug but I’m okay. My parents are visiting my aunt this weekend so I thought I could just rest here.”

His worried eyes scanned over your face as he reached out to touch your forehead. “See? No fever.”

“Can I keep you company?”

“Oh, Steve. I don’t want to get you sick.”

“Pfft. You underestimate me and my immune system.” He smiles cockily making you giggle. “What are you watching?”, he glances at the screen. 

“An Affair to Remember. We can watch something else—”

“No, no. I think it’s cute you still like these black and white movies.” He grins as he comes around to sit on the sofa and you follow him bundling back up in your blankets. “What’s it about?”

“It’s about two people who meet on a cruise who lead very different lives on land. They fall in love and give themselves 6 months to get their affairs in order and meet again at the Empire State Building.”

His smile grows as he watches you speak. Movies like this were always a weakness for you especially when you were feeling low. When he was younger, he would always sit with you and watch your eyes light up as you watched the cheesy romances or film noir style dramas unfold. 

Twelve-year-old Steve throws on his father’s suit jacket and hat causing you to chuckle at the sight; everything on him two sizes too big.

“What are you doing?!”, you laugh.

“If that plane leaves the ground and you're not with him, you'll regret it. Maybe not today. Maybe not tomorrow, but soon and for the rest of your life!” He tugs at your hand, twirling you into his arms as he tilts the hat up so you can see his face. “We'll always have Paris. We didn't have, we, we lost it until you came to Casablanca. We got it back last night.”

“I said I would never leave you!”

“And you never will…”

Steve had always loved doing little things like that to make you laugh. Truth be told he had only ever put in that kind of effort with you. None of the girls he dated ever got to see that side of him. 

Without thinking, his hand reaches out to brush some of your hair behind your ear. Your eyes didn’t leave the screen as you scooted your body closer to his and curled up into his side.

A pleasant sigh leaves your chest as his cheek rests on top of your head and his arm pulls you closer to his body. He had told you before he couldn’t be what you needed to him to be but right now all you needed was this. 

##############

You woke up a few hours later, placed flat on the couch with the covers tucked up over your chin. 

“Steve?”

“Yeah. Hey, I’m right here.” He came from the kitchen holding a tray in his hands before placing it on the coffee table in front of you. “How are you feeling?”

“A little better. I can breathe through my nose so…”, you laugh as he smiles. “What���s this?”

“Oh.” He sits on the floor and you slide off the couch to sit near him. “I have here grilled cheese and some tomato soup with some juice and a bottle of water. Your mom used to make this for me when I wasn’t feeling so hot. I still make it at home when I’m sick.”

You reach out and gently caress his cheek. “Steve, baby, why are you here?”

He exhales heavily as his hand comes up to take yours. “I don’t know…You weren’t at school and I just kept thinking…what if something happened to you? What if you were hurt or… I needed to know you were alright.”

“Does Jessica Sampson know you’re here? Or Tommy? Carol?”

“To be fair, I don’t think Jessie even realizes I’m not there. She’s so absorbed with her fucking hair; I swear one day it’s going to absorb HER and she’ll turn into that thing in The Addam’s Family.” You couldn’t help but cackle at his comment and he couldn’t enough. “I’m serious! She already talks in that high pitch voice.”

“I’m not here to make things difficult.”, he continued. “I’m so fucking confused, Y/N. To them I’m somebody. To my parents, I’m a nobody. I hate both options. I hate the somebody I am around them but I hate feeling nothing at home. I feel like I can’t win.”

“How do you feel around me?”

Steve flashes you a playful smile. “Before or after freshman year?”

“Surprise me.”

“You’ve always made me feel seen, like I matter. And how did I repay you? Forgetting your birthday and ditching you. Letting people like Tommy hurt you.” He pauses as he looks down at the floor. “Fucking you…the way I did.”

“What do you mean?”, you asked in a delicate tone. 

“You deserve to have someone make love to you. Y/N, we have yet to even do any kind of foreplay. I feel like I’m…using you.”

His eyes flutter shut when he feels your fingers run through his hair. “Steve, I’m not going to push you. I get it. I really do especially with how things are at your house. I just wish I could make you understand how much it hurt me when I lost you. You made me feel seen to and I loved the way you looked at me. I loved…you.”

You crawl into his lap with your back to his chest and he promptly encases you in his arms. 

“You understand how I feel. How long was it we had, honey?”

You smile softly as he quotes from the only movie he can seem to remember the lines to. Turning your forehead against his cheek you respond as Ilsa did in the film.

“I didn’t count the days.”

“Well, I did. Every one of 'em…”

##############

For the rest of the afternoon, you leaned against him watching tv or sleeping. As nighttime rolled around you felt one hundred times better. 

“Ok, I’m going to go take a shower because I imagine I smell like disease.”

“What does that even mean?”, Steve chuckles.

Grinning at him, you start to climb to stairs, pausing to turn your head in his direction. “Are you coming?”

The boy stumbles as he quickly rises, heading for the stairs and follows you to your bathroom. After turning on the hot water, you two disrobe and he holds your hand as you enter the shower. Steve is incredibly stiff at first, unsure of how proceed or if he even should as his fingers tenderly caress your cheek.

“You said we hadn’t done any kind of foreplay and I thought…since you’ve been making me such delicious meals…maybe I can offer you one of my own.”

“Fuck me.”, he stuttered.

Steve fell forward, kissing your lips before trailing them down you neck to your breasts. His mouth wrapped around your nipple, tongue playing with your erect nub as you gently moan. Descending to his knees, you reached behind his head to tangle your fingers through his damp hair as he kissed along your tummy. 

“I-I feel like I should tell you…no one has ever gone down on me before.”

His eyes squinted up at you playfully. “Are you joking?”

“No!”, you giggle. “You remember, the other guys we double dated with at most fingered me and then the one other guy I was with said he didn’t want eat me out because…because he thought it was gross.” You cringe as you say your last sentence and Steve’s forehead leans against your body as he laughs. 

“Are you fucking kidding me? Like this dude had no problem sticking his dick in something he thought was ‘gross’ but couldn’t fucking…oh my god…what an idiot.” The man lifted your leg and placed your foot on the edge of the tub. “I mean look at this beautiful pussy that belongs to this beautiful woman.”

A small moan falls from your lips as he leans his head between your legs and his nose grazes your clit. “Y/N, you smell so fucking good.” Your palms shoot out to balance on his shoulders as his tongue licks a long stripe through your folds. “Jesus… and you taste so fucking sweet, honey.”

“Please…”, you beg. 

He obliges, enveloping your clit in his mouth as he flicked it with his tongue. You had never felt anything like this before as he devoured you feeling overwhelmed by him with just his tongue alone. As you continued to whimper, he hummed in approval, the vibration hitting your core as your eyes rolled back. 

“Y-yes, Steve, please. It feels so…mmm.”

“Cum for me, honey. I want to feel your cum on my lips.” Two of his fingers breached your entrance, thrusting rapidly into you as he pressed his head as deep between your sex as he could, shaking it from side to side as he sucked on your nub. 

Your fingers clung to his hair as your hips grinded against him, stuttering slightly as you mewled his name and came harder than you ever had before. He quickly removed his digits, replacing them with his tongue as he drank you in. Your thighs trembled around him as you gradually came back down. 

“Steve…Steve, please. I can’t…”

As soon as he rose to his feet, you promptly wrapped your arms around his waist and panted into his chest. 

“Are you okay?”, he whispered.

“Yeah. That was…amazing. I’m just… I’m so tired.”

Steve couldn’t help but giggle. “Too much too soon? Come on. Let’s get you clean and into bed. 

###############

You woke up a little after midnight to the darkness of your room, Steve fast asleep beside you as your head rested on his chest. Before you both had crashed, you suggested he take off his jeans to get more comfortable as a friendly gesture but right now when you looked down you couldn’t ignore the massive bulge outlining his boxers. 

The first time he got a boner in front of you he was so embarrassed.

“Steve…Steve…STEVE!”, you whispered trying to gently shake him awake. 

“Mm, what?”

“You, um, are you having a good dream?”

“What?” He looked down, immediately jumping up from your floor and covering his lower half with his backpack. “Shit. Y/N, I’m so…so fucking sorry!”

“Steve, it’s ok! My parents kind of explained how…some mornings... for boys…” He groaned as he blushed. “It’s ok. I’m not offended or anything. Do you want to use my shower to…cool down?”

“Yes, please.”

“Ok and when you come out, I promise I will never mention this again!”

He flashes you another embarrassed but thankful smile as he runs to your bathroom. 

You grin as you look up at his sleeping face, your palm rubbing his stomach over his shirt. He still had some features of the boy you met all those years ago especially as he slept. He seemed so calm as his face relaxed. Right now, he wasn’t thinking about the kids at school or his parents. Steve wasn’t thinking about how he had hurt you or how much he fucking missed you every day. Right now, it was just you and him. Two best friends that found each other amid all the chaos in this word.  

You watched his face as your hand glided under the fabric and gently caressed his skin. He didn’t move as the pads of your fingers grazed over his happy trail to the hair along his chest. Carefully, you lifted yourself to a seated position as you continued to rub him. The cock in his boxers had gradually began to harden and was threatening to poke out of its confinement. 

Steve heavily sighed, turning his head in the other direction as your hand reached into his underwear to pull out his dick. You had obviously felt him inside of you so you knew he was big but seeing him in your tiny hands had you wondering how he fit himself into your body. No wonder he left you sore afterwards; not that you minded. 

As you slowly pumped him with your hand, you heard a tiny moan emit for his lips. Bending over his waist, you ran your tongue along his length from the bottom of his shaft up to his slit, leaving a tiny kiss before you repeated your actions. 

A small whimper left you as a long line of spit fell from your lips and you twisted your palm around him feeling him throb in your hands. A hand rested on your back and your turned to see Steve’s lust filled eyes meeting yours. 

“Does it feel good?”, you whisper.

“Baby, you have no idea.” Focusing back on your task, you wrap your lips around him and steadily bob your head. “F-fuck. Let-let me help you…” You lean out of his way as he lifts his hip to slide off his boxers and removes his shirt, tossing it to the floor. Grabbing your cheeks, he pulls you to him for a sloppy kiss as his tongue invades your mouth.

“Wait, Y/N.”, he pants as you continue to pump him with your hand. “I-I-I don’t want you to think this why—mmm—I came over. I really was worried.”

“I know, Steve. I know.”

“These past two years, I always thought about you. I—”

“Steve, it’s okay. It’s okay. Please… just fuck me. I need to feel you inside of me.”

He scooped you into his arms, placing your back against the mattress. After you tossed your clothes on the floor next to his, Steve’s hand gripped your thighs, encasing himself between your legs. 

“This is how I should have done it the first time, honey. I should have made love to you instead of fucking you.” His palm reached between your bodies, guiding himself into your entrance as your arms fly up to grip his shoulders. “Fuck, baby. You feel so good.”

Steve’s head fell beside yours, switching between kissing your neck and whispering in your ear as he pumped into you with long, deep strokes that had your eyes rolling.

“You should have been allowed to feel every inch of me, slow and hard. I know I can feel every part of you. Jesus, you’re so fucking tight.”

“Mmm, Steve.”

“Fuck, I love the way you moan my name. Say it again, Y/N.”

Your fingers wind in his hair as you wrap your other arm around his neck, whimpering his name as he thrusts into you a bit faster. He tenderly kisses up your jawline, lifting his head as he looks into your half-lidded eyes. 

“I should have told you how…beautiful you are. How I’m…mmm… never going to be that asshole again.” His own eyes close as his forehead falls on yours. “I’m never going to hurt you like that again, honey. I screwed up, I know. No one has ever cared about…mmm…me the way you did. I…I love you, Y/N…so fucking much. God damn. Can I cum inside you?”

You nod as you bring his head back down to the nook between your neck and shoulder. You couldn’t let him see you cry. He told you he loved you and that he would never hurt you again but you knew the truth. It was all a fantasy. Tomorrow he would wake up and go back to his girlfriend with his popular friends. He would say hello to you but that would be it. He couldn’t give up that life… He had promised you up until freshman year he would always be there for you…then he wasn’t…

Holding him tightly to you, your body shook underneath him as you came. A few moments later, his rhythm faltered and he grunted into your neck as he thrust his seed inside of you. 

You wiped your eyes before he could lift his head, delicately kissing your lips before pulling out of you. 

“Did you want to take a shower or?”

“No, Steve, I’m ok.”

He reached over to your nightstand, grabbing a tissue before cleaning between your legs. Steve laid back down beside you and to his surprise, you didn’t curl up on his chest again. 

“Are you alright, Y/N?” When you didn’t answer he sighed. “It’s because I said I love you, isn’t it? I wasn’t lying about that.”

“Hm. You love me but yet you’re with someone else.”

“Y/N, I haven’t even talked to her in three days. I’m not even really into her—”

“Wow. I’m sure she feels special.”

“God damnit, Y/N. I…”, he cuts himself off as he tries to gather his thoughts. “I don’t want to be this guy anymore. I don’t want to be someone I’m not. I don’t… I don’t want to hurt you.” His eyes emphatically meet yours. “I don’t care what I have to do. I’ll tell Tommy and Carol to fuck off. I’ll set every fucking kid in that school straight about you. I’ll go to school on Monday and remain on my knees all day because that’s where I belong. Forever on my knee, Y/N, begging for your forgiveness.”

You can’t help but chuckle making him smile. “Do you understand why it’s hard for me to trust you?”

“Yeah, I do. I’d like to prove it to you. Prove that I can be a better person than King Steve.”

You lean back on your pillows and roll to your side to face him as he does the same; just like you two used to do when he spent the night those many years ago. His palm brushes some of your hair out of your face before gliding down to the small of your back. You bring your body closer to his, resting your hand on his hip. 

“Ok.”

[birdship]

Leave It In The Sun: Chapter One (a Disco Elysium fanfic)

Warnings: Full game spoilers, eventual spicy scenes, basically the level of adult content in the game itself.

General summary: A slow(ish) burn exploration of life at Precinct 41 after Harry and Kim wrap up the case and Kim makes the move to Jamrock. Mainly just about how Harry and Kim's relationship might develop, and a sort of character study of some of the employees of Precinct 41 in general.

------------

Chapter one summary: Two difficult weeks after leaving Martinaise, Harry finally reaches out to Kim. Chapter length: Approx. 4.3k words

The sun is only just setting over the streets of Jamrock, drenched in rain and neon. The city stops to catch its breath in the intermission between day and night.

PHYSICAL INSTRUMENT: And so do you. You could’ve sworn the nearest payphone was, y’know, nearer than this. Maybe that bone-shattering gunshot wound also isn’t quite as far along in the healing process as you thought either.

PAIN THRESHOLD: Brilliant claws of pain rake down your thigh as you lean against the payphone and try to center yourself.

You glance at the phone resting in its cradle, with some trepidation. Phone calls are always a bit… difficult for you. Especially these days.

SUGGESTION: You can still change your mind.

VOLITION: No. You came here for a reason.

SUGGESTION: Or… you could always just call her instead.

VOLITION: *Focus.*

You take a deep breath. The late spring air is turning chilly in the slowly setting sun. The rain drizzles lazily as it has all day, showing no sign of stopping. A handful of people are still--or already--out wandering downtown Jamrock, laughing and talking and hurrying home and running errands and entirely focused on just about anything in the world *besides* a washed up middle-aged man having a minor anxiety attack and moderate-to-severe hip pain next to a public phone at 6:04pm in the rain.

INLAND EMPIRE: The loneliness knocks the wind out of you. You thought you were used to it by now. It’s worse outside, around people.

DRAMA: The threadbare costume you created for yourself in the privacy of your dark, trash-strewn apartment doesn’t seem quite as convincing with an audience.

VOLITION: Stop the goddamn pity party and pick up the phone already.

The receiver is light in your hand as you fumble for change and the crumpled slip of paper you’ve had in your jeans pocket for the last two weeks or so. You slowly, deliberately dial the phone number written on it, as if some part of you is afraid that your fingers might just automatically fall into the patterns of *her* number instead.

VOLITION: They might. But you’re done hurting yourself.

CONCEPTUALIZATION: Well, maybe not entirely. Yet. But you’re done hurting yourself *with her* for sure.

INLAND EMPIRE: You still feel like you deserve that pain. But it’s wrong to keep using her as the knife you gut yourself with. She deserves better, even if you might not.

LOGIC: In any case, this isn’t about her. It’s about you, and it’s about--

“Hello?” Kim’s voice is muffled and tinny through the old, worn copper wiring. He sounds tired, but you guess that’s not particularly surprising. You’ve been pretty damn tired too.

“Kim, hey, it’s uh, it’s me,” you reply awkwardly.

“Harry? Do you need something?”

ESPRIT DE CORPS: This is the first time you’ve called him since leaving Martinaise, despite carrying that little piece of paper around for the last two weeks. He’s thinking, why now?

“Yeah, no, I just happened to be downtown this evening,” you ramble, “and I thought--”

“You’re drunk,” he says. It is completely without judgment. A stated fact. The sky is blue, the grass is green, and Harry Du Bois is drunk. “Where are you exactly? I’ll--”

“Wait, no!” you exclaim, a little too loudly. A nearby pigeon makes a mad dash in the opposite direction at the sound. “That’s not it! I swear I’m basically sober right now. Mostly.”

A long pause on the other end. “Alright,” he says plainly. “So what can I do for you?”

ESPRIT DE CORPS: Make no mistake, he’s picking his battles here and gingerly stepping *around* that “mostly.”

EMPATHY: He’s just relieved it’s even that much.

COMPOSURE: How embarrassing.

VOLITION: Just start over. Your first sentence was garbage, but you know you’re under no obligation to continue it, right?

You take a deep breath, then try again.

“Well, it’s really more about what *I* can do for *you*,” you say as smoothly as possible. “You know that big motor carriage exhibition in town? It just so happens I’ve got *two tickets* to it.”

Another long pause. “You mean the one that ends today?”

“Yes,” you confirm.

“And are you aware that it is currently around six o’clock in the evening?”

“Is it? I mean, yes. Yes it is,” you say confidently. “I am aware of the passage of time.”

“And you waited until now to do this?” he asks.

EMPATHY: He sounds more amused than annoyed, though you definitely detect a bit of both.

“Uh,” you falter. “Look, it’s open until 8:00, so do you want to fucking go or not?”

ESPRIT DE CORPS: About half a kilometer away, Lieutenant Kim Kitsuragi is sitting in the kitchen of his new apartment, already in his pajamas and winding down for the evening. It’s a bit early for that, but he figures he should take the opportunity to rest before he tackles that mountain of backlogged cases he was promised upon making the move to precinct 41.

Two weeks ago, he said goodbye to the strangest man he’d ever met. A man he found himself inexplicably drawn to in the week they spent together, and whom he thought about every day since. Wondering if he would take the lifeline Kim tried to throw to him, or if that little slip of paper would just end up forgotten at the bottom of a vomit-soaked trash can in some shitty bar. Wondering if the dawning trauma of everything that happened in Martinaise and the restlessness from sitting at home recovering from its aftermath would combine to pull him down into a dark place beyond Kim’s reach for good. Wondering and wondering to fill the silence. And now finally the silence is broken, but whatever this cry for help is, it is not the one Kim ever expected to receive.

But he knows one thing for sure: it *is* a cry for help.

“Alright,” Kim says finally. He takes a sharp breath. “Sounds good.”

The walk to his apartment takes a bit longer than you expected. It’s not that far from the downtown payphone, but you still wasted a good 20 minutes on the journey.

ENDURANCE: You are expecting too much of yourself too soon.

INLAND EMPIRE: It’s always one or the other with you, isn’t it? Too much or not enough.

PHYSICAL INSTRUMENT: Twenty minutes to walk a few blocks? Fucking pathetic. What kind of cop are you? Hell, what kind of *gym teacher* are you? Man up.

ENDURANCE: No. It’s a miracle that you’re still standing at all.

PERCEPTION: Beyond the apartment door, you can hear footsteps and soft humming.

You knock, and the door opens almost immediately.

CONCEPTUALIZATION: Shit. You were hoping you’d have a few spare seconds to think of something really cool to say.

REACTION SPEED: C’mon, say something fun and upbeat to prove you’re not a depressed sack of shit who’s been spending the past two weeks drinking alone in the dark.

DRAMA: Showtime!

“Howdy, pardner,” you hear yourself say.

SAVOIR FAIRE: Finger guns! For god’s sake, don’t forget the finger guns. Without them, you just look like a goddamn lunatic.

You do the finger guns.

Kim does not seem particularly impressed as he slowly looks from your outstretched gun fingers to the twisted grimace that now wracks your face.

“Please, holster those things before coming inside,” he says humorlessly.

You blow the pretend, metaphorical smoke from each of your hot weapons before stuffing your hands in your pockets. As you do this, he watches with an appraising look.

ESPRIT DE CORPS: He’s wondering if this is *regular* weird or *drunken breakdown* weird. However, he is intimately familiar with your brand of stupid bullshit at this point and it doesn’t take long for him to place it in the former category.

“We should hit the road soon,” you comment as you peek curiously into his apartment.

“Hit the road,” Kim repeats with mild amusement, “in what?”

LOGIC: Oh. Right. The Kineema is property of Precinct 57. Not Kim Kitsuragi personally.

“Shit, yeah,” you concede. “But hey, if we call a taxi now--”

LOGIC: You’ll arrive just in time to immediately turn around and go home.

HALF LIGHT: You fucked up. You’re a fuck-up. Great job, idiot.

VOLITION: Try not drinking and blacking out all day next time.

LOGIC: Yes, but then…

“Fuck,” you inhale. “Fuckady-fuck-fuck. Shit. Goddammit.”

Kim waits patiently for you to catch up. You’re almost there.

“I should’ve called earlier, sorry,” you apologize. “I don’t know what’s wrong with me.”

LOGIC: What is wrong with you is that you drank all last night, slept off a hangover most of the day today, and woke up in a daze about 45 minutes ago. But what’s done is done. No point in bringing that up now, right?

“Nor do I,” says the lieutenant with a small smile. “But whatever it is, I am no longer surprised by it, I assure you.”

“Sorry. I’m sorry,” you repeat, leaning on the door frame pathetically, a congealed ooze of mental illness and embarrassment. “Sorry for bothering you in the first place. You’re always so nice to me, even when I’m a pain in the ass.”

CONCEPTUALIZATION: Which is to say *constantly.*

Kim says nothing. Just sighs almost imperceptibly.

EMPATHY: Your self deprecation is frustrating for him, and he does not know how to respond to it constructively and compassionately.

ESPRIT DE CORPS: He *does* think you’re a pain in the ass sometimes, but a pain worth dealing with.

INLAND EMPIRE: For reasons beyond your understanding.

“Why did you agree to go in the first place?” you sigh. “You’ve got a brain that actually works, you knew it wasn’t gonna happen. If you’re trying to make fun of me, then, well…”

You pause.

“That’s just fine, I guess. Good job, carry on.”

He adjusts his glasses and looks away. “I appreciated the intention,” he says finally, in a measured voice. “And since I hadn’t heard from you the past couple weeks…”

ESPRIT DE CORPS: ...He was afraid you wouldn’t bother trying again.

“Sorry,” you mumble. “I’ve been kind of busy. You know how it goes after cases like that.”

“I do,” he says. He hesitates for a moment, then adds, “you’re welcome to come in if you like.”

You hobble into Kim’s sparse kitchen and collapse on a dining room chair. It creaks ominously under the velocity of the assault.

“I’m glad we have an opportunity to catch up,” he says politely, pulling up the other chair and gazing at your pained expression from across the table. “Your injury is healing well, I assume?”

EMPATHY: It is obvious that he does not in fact assume this at all.

You shrug, still trying to get a hold of yourself and push back the ache swirling at the edges of your mind.

He watches you struggle for a moment, then gently says, “it will take time to heal, but it *will* heal.”

ESPRIT DE CORPS: *So please be patient and kind to yourself,* is the silent plea left unsaid. It hangs in the air pitifully. You both know it’s there.

“Time hasn’t exactly been a good salve for me in general,” you mumble.

He’s silent for a while. Opens his mouth to speak, then closes it again.

“Harry,” he says finally. “What happened in Martinaise is not your burden to carry alone.”

“I thought you didn’t like *personal issues*, lieutenant,” you say.

“I don’t,” he says with a frown, “but this…”

ESPRIT DE CORPS: This is about me too, he thinks. As much as he hates to admit it. He doesn’t particularly like his *own* personal issues either. But the past two weeks were hard for him, and you didn’t make them any easier.

EMPATHY: He was worried about you, and--although he will never admit it to himself, let alone you--there’s a part of him that selfishly hoped you were worried about him too. At least a little.

ESPRIT DE CORPS: He’s used to this line of work, and so are you despite the holes in your memory, but it never gets any easier to deal with some things.

EMPATHY: There was so much death that day. It haunts you. And now as you sit in Kim’s kitchen, the alcohol slowly filtering from your blood and leaving behind the dregs of a headache, you realize it still haunts him too. You both added perforations you never wanted to make.

ENDURANCE: It’s too much. Your head swims and your entire body aches in the throes of repressed grief fighting its way to the surface of a sea of quickly evaporating Commodore Red.

INLAND EMPIRE: Warning! Trauma containment center has been breached! Evacuate the area immediately!

HALF LIGHT: You’re going to cry, aren’t you? You’re going to fucking cry. Right here in his kitchen. Why can’t you keep your shit together for more than five minutes straight?

You are entirely unable to keep the tears from rolling silently down your cheeks, unbidden.

INLAND EMPIRE: You don’t have it in you to really cry properly, like a normal fucking person. Not anymore. Something has disconnected the wire from your “press here to begin sobbing during your emotional breakdown” button, and you’re not sure what or when.

ENDURANCE: But human beings *cry.* And despite everything inside you that’s broken and rotting, you *are* a human being. You can’t not be.

Kim’s standing next to you now, his hand resting comfortingly on your shoulder. He doesn’t say anything.

EMPATHY: That’s the point of this whole shoulder-touching business in the first place--your disconcertingly unhinged behavior has left him at a loss for words, yet compelled to offer *something.*

This goes on for the longest five minutes or so the world has ever seen. But finally, you’ve wrung it all out of yourself and the tears stop almost as abruptly as they began. His hand gives your shoulder a squeeze, then he sits back down in the chair opposite you, avoiding your eyes. He rummages in his pocket for something, then hands you a blue handkerchief.

“Where the hell do you keep all these?” you mumble as you reach for it. “Fuckin’... infinite handkerchiefs around here.”

“What can I say? I like to be prepared,” he says.

“For drunk idiots who throw up all over crime scenes and have mental breakdowns in your home?”

“Usually to clean my glasses,” he says flatly. “But at this point, I suppose it *is* fair to say that it’s also for your various crises as well.”

“Well, thank God one of us is prepared,” you say. “What would I do without you, Kim?”

He hesitates, a strange wistful expression tugging at the corners of his mouth. “I don’t know. What *did* you do the past two weeks?”

ESPRIT DE CORPS: As soon as the words leave his mouth, he regrets them.

“Sorry, I shouldn’t… That’s none of my concern,” he says quickly.

AUTHORITY: Who the hell does he think he is? You’re not a child who needs to be minded. You’re a grown-ass man who can sit alone in his apartment and get wasted if he fucking wants to. Assert yourself!

“Honestly? Drink, mostly,” you say with a self-conscious chuckle.

ESPRIT DE CORPS: He just stares at you with the bleakest expression you’ve ever seen cross his face.

EMPATHY: He’s so tired. So frustrated. So disappointed.

INLAND EMPIRE: Oh God! He’s *disappointed* in you? This is terrible. Anything but that, please!

“I thought I was doing better,” you say quietly. “Guess not.”

“You were,” Kim says kindly.

INLAND EMPIRE: Tequila Sunset hasn’t happened yet. Maybe it still will. Maybe it’s inevitable. Maybe when you took up that mantle, it was like some sort of alcoholic event horizon. Tequila Sunset is the only way it was ever going to end. What other force in the universe could begin to exert as much gravitational pull over you?

ELECTROCHEMISTRY: From the void we came, to the void we must return.

“Listen,” Kim tells you, “this is not surprising. It’s got to be harder now that you’re back in Jamrock.”

ELECTROCHEMISTRY: It’s *easy,* baby. All your old favorite haunts are here. You know all the cheapest bars, the sketchiest parts of town with the purest amphetamines… You can’t remember the names of half of them anymore, but the muscles in your legs can trace the steps there perfectly. That shit’s burned into your body forever.

“Yeah.” You swallow hard. “Anyway, what about you? How’s Jamrock treating you?”

EMPATHY: The darkness clouding his expression lightens a bit.

“Good so far,” he says. “I’ve actually only been here for a few days. G.R.I.H. wrap-up took longer than I expected.” He pauses and looks out the window. “But I’m glad to be here now.”

“Really,” you say with a laugh. “In this shithole?”

“It has its perks,” he says. “I’m looking forward to beginning work at Precinct 41.”

“You’re not working solo, are you?”

“For right now, yes I am,” he replies. “I’m fine with that. I’ve done it before.”

INLAND EMPIRE: The idea of sharing a workplace with him and yet not being at his side when he needs you… it makes you feel cold, lonely, somehow.

ESPRIT DE CORPS: You have a duty to Jean. Jean is your partner.

SUGGESTION: Fuck it, just say it. You know what you want to say. Say it and get it over with.

“You should work with me,” you blurt out. “We were such a good team in Martinaise. We could keep those good times rolling!”

“I’m flattered, but,” he says, turning his head. “Satellite-Officer Vicquemare…”

“Doesn’t give a shit about me,” you say. “Fuck him.”

EMPATHY: That’s not exactly true. You know it’s not.

INLAND EMPIRE: But the truth is complicated. It’s easier to just boil it down to *fuck that guy.*

LOGIC: Jean is bad for you, and you’re bad for him. Or, you used to be. And has anything really changed? Are you really any different? Maybe it was just the change of scenery that fooled you into thinking otherwise.

INLAND EMPIRE: Same old Jamrock. Same old coworkers. Same old bad habits. Same old *you.*

“I’m not so sure about that,” Kim says delicately.

“Forget about him,” you push, suddenly more serious about this than you intended to be. “I can arrange this shit with Captain Pryce, and I can deal with Jean.”

“I… uh,” he coughs. “I don’t know what to say.”

DRAMA: You’re in control of this show now. Pull an honest answer out of him.

You point at him and narrow your eyes. ���I know what you should say: what you *feel* in your *heart*!” You pound one fist against your chest over your heart to drive home the point, then wince.

PAIN THRESHOLD: Please don’t do that.

You break the dramatic pose and lean back in your chair again with a shrug. “Or just tell me to fuck off. None of this wishy-washy noncommittal shit, though.”

He’s silent for a long time, watching and listening to the rain as it picks up outside. Then finally he gives you an apologetic smile and speaks.

“Harry,” he says kindly. “Fuck off.”

ESPRIT DE CORPS: Translation: maybe. But not now.

EMPATHY: He’s not angry, he’s deflecting. This is by far the nicest way you’ve ever been told to fuck off. Don’t take it too hard.

“Alright, alright,” you say. “Forget I said anything.”

You spend a while just making smalltalk at Kim’s kitchen table. None of it means anything, but it’s nice. It’s a nice, good, human thing to do, sitting and chatting with him. Makes your “regular well-adjusted person” costume fit a little better. The rain begins to let up a little in the fading sunset.

“You know, we could do something else if you like,” he says brightly. “Here in Jamrock, I mean.”

ELECTROCHEMISTRY: Yeah. Lots of stuff to do in Jamrock. Like speed and hard liquor. Or crying in the bathroom of a dive bar because you’re too fucked up on speed and liquor.

SUGGESTION: He probably wouldn’t go for that.

CONCEPTUALIZATION: There’s got to be somewhere else to go. Something else to do with him. Think. What do you want to do with him?

ELECTROCHEMISTRY: Oh buddy, are you sure you’re ready to open that can of worms?

The lieutenant watches you as you rub your temples in an effort to massage the awkward thoughts out of your terrible brain. Then he says, “you know what, don’t worry about it. It’s fine, we can just stay here.”

“Yeah, okay,” you say. “Sounds good.”

“I’m going out on the balcony for a cigarette,” he informs you. “You can--”

“I’ll come with you,” you interrupt.

ESPRIT DE CORPS: He pauses, wondering how many you might’ve had already. Then again cigarettes are, shockingly, by far the *least* detrimental of your *many* vices.

The two of you step out onto the lieutenant’s rather small balcony. It’s still raining very lightly, but this is probably as good as the weather is going to get tonight. Good enough. There’s really not quite enough space for two adult men to comfortably lounge around out here, though. You try to make yourself as small as possible as you fumble in your pockets for a cigarette and lighter.

PERCEPTION: You hear the soft click of a lighter and smell smoke on the gentle evening breeze drifting over from your left.

“Fuck,” you grumble. “I forgot my light--”

You realize Kim is holding out his own lighter wordlessly, still gazing out at the city sprawling out below.

“Thanks,” you say.

He nods. He pockets the lighter again once you’re done with it, then leans on the railing and exhales smoke with a sigh.

ESPRIT DE CORPS: Outwardly, he is silent and pensive. He almost seems anxious in a way. But in truth, he likes this. He’s enjoying standing out here in the rain and the dark and smoking his nightly cigarette by your side once more, just like that first night in Martinaise.

You rest your arms on the railing as well and try to map his sightline. Your arm presses against his in the cramped space, but he does not react.

“Pretty bitchin’ view here,” you comment. “Comparatively.”

“Mhm,” hums the lieutenant. “By Jamrock standards, quite bitchin’.”

PERCEPTION: His hand dangles loosely over the edge of the railing. It’s a bit smaller than yours and much thinner, bonier. Sharp and angled like a marble sculpture.

ELECTROCHEMISTRY: A work of art. Just like the rest of him.

SUGGESTION: Wonder what that hand would feel like in yours…?

“Everything alright, detective?” Kim asks, smoke escaping from his lips as he speaks. You realize that you’ve been staring at his hand for longer than is generally considered acceptable by polite society.

“Just spacing out a little I guess,” you mumble, averting your gaze.

“Par for the course with you,” the lieutenant chuckles.

VOLITION: Don’t make this too weird. Don’t think about that cigarette dangling loosely from his beautiful hands, or how soft his lips must be, or how nice it would be to just give up all pretense and embarrass yourself and hug him tightly right here on the balcony. Whatever you do, don’t think of any of those things.

CONCEPTUALIZATION: Shit.

“Well, it’s getting late,” you say, stubbing out your half-finished cigarette in the nearby ashtray. “I should probably go.”

“Yes, I suppose you’re right. We’ve got work in the morning after all.”

ESPRIT DE CORPS: You do?

VOLITION: Just play it cool.

“Yes,” you say, nodding stoically. “Tomorrow is Monday. I am aware of this, and that is why I said that in the first place, and not for any other reason.”

SAVOIR FAIRE: Nailed it.

“Tomorrow is Tuesday,” Kim says flatly, his face expressionless.

“I know that!” you say defensively. “I was just testing you. Come on, Kim, you don’t think I’m really that stupid, do you?”

He starts to say something, then thinks better of it and instead takes a long drag of his cigarette before trying again. “No, detective. I don’t think that.” Then he puts it out on the bottom of his boot and drops it in the ashtray.

The two of you head back into the apartment as the rain starts up again. You pull on your tarpaulin cloak in preparation for the long walk back home. But as you reach the front door, the lieutenant stops you.

“You know, you could just stay here if that would be easier,” he says abruptly, looking tense. “It’s late, and it’s raining, and…”

ESPRIT DE CORPS: ...And the route from here to your home features at least a dozen bars along the way.

EMPATHY: He’s worried you might not be able to resist the siren song of their garish neon signs and blaring dance music spilling out onto the streets like a red carpet unfurling.

“And your injury,” he adds quickly. “It was causing you some pain earlier, wasn’t it?”

HALF LIGHT: You don’t need his *pity.*

INLAND EMPIRE: Maybe you *do.* He knows you too well already.

EMPATHY: And, for whatever reason, cares about you a little too much. A terrible decision on his part, really.

“Yeah, good point. Plus your place is closer anyway,” you reply. “Thanks. Sorry to impose.”

He gives you a little nod. “It’s no trouble at all.”

Soon, you’re settled in on Kim’s couch under a small pile of blankets that still smell like artificial flowers, cloying and too sweet, freshly laundered.

He says good night and disappears into his bedroom, shutting the door behind him. It’s strange somehow, lying here in his living room alone in the dark. Like you’re somewhere you shouldn’t be. Like sneaking into a museum after it closes.

PERCEPTION: In the hazy twilight of impending sleep, you notice a calendar on the wall across from you. You can just barely make it out in the dim light, and you realize something.

“Son of a bitch,” you shout, “tomorrow *is* Monday!”

Just before you retreat into the blanket nest you could swear you hear a muffled apology from the next room.

[bleulone]

i love your analysis so much! i have a question as well, like, how do you envision polin's sex scenes ? thanks for your answer (:

    Hey! Thank you very much :)) I have no idea if they are that even good but I’m happy you like them. It’s just my brain tending to produce some iNsIGhiTfUL analyses though they usually end up drowned under a huge wave of stupidity and horrid spelling/grammatical mistakes XD. So, about Penelope and Colin’ sex scenes, I guess we’re getting spicy in this house 🌶. I mean, I don’t blame you. Who’s not hot for Polin ?! The steamy Polin hours have already begun and they’re legit challenging my patience. (Be still my Polin heart, be still).

   Okay, without further ado, let’s talk about sex baby, shall we ? It’s a pretty long answer/meta so bear with me.

    I don’t know if you’ve read Romancing Mister Bridgerton, but a quick reminder (for those who haven’t... yet), there are a bunch of iconic steamy scenes that I’m dying to watch on screen. First we have the famous “thank you” scene where Penelope, now a 28 year-old spinster, asks Colin to kiss her because she doesn’t want to die without having been kissed... then ends up thanking him— which happens to be humiliating for our 33 year-old boy because he thinks that she thinks he did it out of pity while he absolutely did not. The man definitely felt butterflies in his stomach... and in other places as well lol. We also have the ICONIC carriage scene where Colin gives Pen’s generous bosoms™ the attention they deserve. This is followed by his proposal. Later on, after the announcement of their engagement, there’s a pretty hot make-out scene on Lady Violet’s sofa. Finally, we have their first time in Colin’s bedroom, after sneaking out of their own engagement party... which leads Colin to push the wedding date forward. At this point, I just love their horniness, especially Colin’s who’s just so freaking amazed by Penelope for more than 300 pages straight (duh! who isn’t ???).

    When you say envision, I suppose you mainly refer to the way those scenes will be filmed right ? I’m afraid I don’t have an advanced knowledge in film-making but let me start by telling you what elements need to be depicted. I would love Shonda and Chris to capture the real essence of our boos’ feelings : the yearning, the love, the respect and the guilt (specifically on Colin’s side) in their eyes. The more we move forward throughout the seasons, the more we see different layers of the perceptions of they have of each other, going from a childish idealization/immature ignorance to a sudden realization. A mature one. Penelope goes beyond the facade of the charming devil-may-care guy to meet the seriousness and temper of her significant other. Meanwhile Colin discovers how confident, powerful and attractive this woman is and always has been. It echoes what I’ve written about the importance of the gaze in Polin’s love story in this meta. By the time season 4 hits, man... their heart eyes and eye-fucking will jump OUT XD, all fibers of their beings, burning with need. The fact that this evolution took literally years is very emotionally painful, which is why I find it important to keep the slowness aspect of their relationship before and during their love making. I’m really looking forward a slow build-up toward their intimacy. It would differ from Daphne and Simon who merely shared one hell of a kiss in Lady Trowbridge’s garden then shared their sexy times after they married or Anthony and Siena’s rough sex... In fact, there’s a certain (sweet) ardent tenderness in Polin I like due to the fact that they’re slowly (re)discovering each other, as adults. Since they were both introduced in season 1, the audience will have all the time in the world to notice numerous evidences of the many natures of love they have for one another : from an affectionate and friendly love to a more carnal and enduring one.

    Okay so, in terms of filming, with Netflix’s Bridgerton being a show which promotes the female gaze, it wouldn’t be that much of a surprise watching those sex scenes being shot from Penelope’s perspective, like it was the case with Daphne in the first installment of the series. Most of the time, sex scenes in Historical Romance are not gratuitous. Their presence serve an important purpose in a hero/heroine’s journey. In Penelope’s case, they’re here to help her learn to embrace and love herself. In other words, sexuality is synonym of freedom. I don’t know if they’ll show a lot of skin, but I won’t be complaining considering the fact that we’ll have the chance to get a chief kiss treat on screen : a plus size woman in a major successful Netflix period drama getting a love story as romantic and steamy as other more “fit” female characters. No, your weight doesn’t prevent you from being desirable at all. As far as I’m concerned, I haven’t watched a plus-size female character portrayed as an attractive protagonist in a period drama (please if you have, let me know, I can be wrong). Having a beautiful half bare curvy body like Nicola’s being equally filmed like numerous slim actresses will be so inspiring and powerful to watch, especially for (young) women who struggle, like Penelope, to love their body shape which, to them, doesn’t “fit” the “beauty standards”. By showing her female gaze and portraying her as seductive, Pen’s “supposed�� imperfections transform themselves into mighty assets, loved and worshipped by our dashing Mister Bridgerton. That’s body positivity at its finest darling ;).

    It will be deliciously erotic watching the undressing process being exquisitely slow, garment by garment, while their gaze are all heated and hungry. Their sex/make-out scenes should be tender and passionate, sweet and raw. The lightning, colored by a dark blood orange yellow or a blue depending the locations^^. Moreover, the depiction of the exploration of Penelope’s desire can translate itself thanks to multiple close ups. For instance, I can imagine a few ones on Pen’s fingers gently roaming over the smooth skin of Colin’s firm chest and back/touching his hair right after he removed his shirt. And a disheveled Colin letting his hands and lips making a journey of their own, mapping, conquering the alluring unknown territory that is her gorgeous voluptuous body... kissing her on the places he knows oh too well will give her pleasure (is this me wanting him to go down on her?— um yeah I sure hope it IS! If he doesn’t, trust me imma riot... AGAIN). Even a close up on her face while Colin is performing his addictively pleasing torment will be a marvelous proof of the female gaze. By the way, why not even adding a post-coital scene after their first time ? I can picture Penelope waking up first and contemplate her handsome soon-to-be husband. She’d bring her hand to his face and let it travel all around his forehead, his cheeks, his lips, his neck and let it rest on his heart— making sure that what she’s just experience was real... obviously, Colin will wake up in the process and he’ll take this as his cue to go for another round of sexy times under the sheets.

   Showing Pen reaction is essential according to me because she was stuck with the idea that she would never experience the luxury of being loved, giving pleasure nor receiving it... she ended up being happily wrong. Throughout her multiple intimate encounters with Colin, I want her to progressively realizes that she can be an active partner. In the carriage, she knew she had an effect on him, but it’s not until their first time that she actually realizes it. Hence the reason why I WANT the mirror’s introduction in one of their sex scenes. Here’s as a little reminder an excerpt from chapter 18 :

“I want to see you sitting up," he groaned, "so I can see them full and lovely and large [about Pen’s breasts]. And then I want to crawl behind you and cup you." His lips found her ear and his voice dropped to a whisper. "And I want to do it in front of a mirror."

“Now?” she squeaked.

He seemed to consider that for a moment, then shook his head. "Later," he said, and then repeated it in a rather resolute tone. "Later.”

   It would be such a shame if the show doesn’t use the incredible potential of this object (/kink). I mean, the symbolism is pretty clear. Penelope has always fled her “ugly” reflection but it seems like Colin wants to show the real her, the beauty that holds every single inch her alabaster skin and the effects they have on him. Thus, I would love to watch a scene where Colin just praises the alluring goddess and siren that is Penelope Featherington. Just imagine! Just IMAGINE the power of this scene : a shirtless Colin sitting behind her on a bed, meeting her gaze in the mirror, his lips touching her right ear, biting and licking the lobe sometimes, whispering all kinda of dirty yet poetic words to her while letting his hands caress her thighs, her hips, her arms, her lovely bosoms™... oof. At the same time, a wonderful and harmonic instrumental music will play in the background and match the melodic partition of shudders, breathes and moans let out by our lovers. I can imagine Luke inspiring himself from his performance in the 2019 short film, Youth In Bed. The way he conveyed the awe and the yearning on his face, in his eyes with his mouth slightly open when he knelt before his partner Shun Yin was just captivating and— and so Colin! I cannot help but bring myself to picture Ethan, the character he played in YIB, in a Polin steamy scene. I cannot unsee this anymore jsksk. I mean, all this gifset radiates this book4chapter18!Colin, you cannot tell me otherwise!

    Also, I would love Shonda and Chris to keep Pen and Colin’s cute/emotional pillow talk. One thing I really love in JQ’s books is the concern she gives to her male protagonists about potentially hurting their partner during the act of penetration. Colin is a rake, and what his experience with women taught him is that he needs to be very gentle with the love of his life. It was so adorable seeing him not wanting to harm her and asking her to tell him if he does anything she doesn’t like 🥺. Plus, before actually doing it, Colin and Penelope shared a few kisses and just laid down side by side, confessing their love. Though our boy kept feeling guilty about not returning her love after all these years. He desires nothing but to make up for the lost time and show his love and desire during this special intimate moment. I hope they’ll keep all of chapter 18’s dialogue. It’s just so telling of our boos’ feelings, you see.

    All in all, I can’t wait to watch those Polin steamy scenes. As much as I may sound crazy, I want them after two other seasons of pure pining and yearning in order to have a very good payoff. I’m not an expert on depicting intimacy on screen, but I loved so far what Lizzy Talbot, the intimacy coordinator who worked on the show, have done in season 1. Sex scenes in Bridgerton seem very real and dive you in the intimacy of the moment, leaving you all flustered and hot. So probs to her! I have faith in her work and have no doubts about what her and the directors will serve us in future seasons. Though, in the end, I think it’s mostly up to the actors, Nicola and Luke, to see if they’re comfortable filming sex scenes.

    If you guys have any suggestions or wishes for those steamy polin scenes, please do share them :) by commenting on this post or by sending me asks! I’d love reading your thoughts/take on this very important matter ;)) 

[heckpup]

Hmmmmmm Time for the Part 2 of the Immortal Tommy AU I cooked up with my raw materials in the middle of the night

:DDDDDDDDD What fun. I have also now decided that Tommy's new wings are now phoenix style (cause he's immortal now, innit?), in flames, but only at the tips (so far, this will change the older he gets) and only if he wants them to be. Had he still been mortal, they probably would've been just a regular red, and so that is what they look like when they're not on fire.

Also, I'd like to imagine that the old worlds from when we were kids (with borders and that didn't go on forever and just stopped and dropped off into the void, right? I know me and my friends loved to find the corners and try to go through. Good times.) are what the god's personal realms are like. Not enough room for rebellion, since there's not enough room to run from an angry god/goddess. If you go to the edge, you can look at/travel to other worlds as well. Most gods don't bring other people into their worlds anyway, but *shrugs*

Edit: (I can't believe I forgot this I'm so sorry ;-;) TW:Mentions of bl00d, Mention of de@th, mentions of m@n!pulat!0n and g@sl!ght!ng, mentions of t0rture.

Just thought I should mention + explain.

~

"Hey Clara?" Tommy asks from a small tree, letting his feathers move gently in the wind.

"Yes, Tommy?" Clara calls from below, looking up at the young immortal. Tommy glides down to meet her on the ground, and he looks up at her a little sheepishly.

"Do you think that since, well, you know, I'm recovered and shit, I could visit those bitches from the SMP? I kinda just want to, uh, blow up at them, sorta. I just- its a lot of untapped rage and I really just wanna scream at 'em, you know? It's totally ok if you think I shouldn't I mean, you are the biggest man- er, woman- here, just wanted to ask, but uh-"

"Tommy." Clara cuts him off with a small smile, and a bit of mischief and malice (And anger, as well) twinkling in her dark eyes. "I think that's a wonderful idea. Besides," She begins to walk over to the edge of their small world, "they need to understand what they did, and its never good for us immortals to hold grudges over mortals. Could cause some unplanned problems in the far future."

Tommy beams, and Clara begins mentally preparing for the showdown with glee. "Tommy, how do you want to do it?" She asks, inner drama queen squealing.

"Well-" Tommy tells her- "-I really want it to be big and dramtic, you know? Like lightning and thunder, and like things bursting into flame and shit. I could probably do the flames myself, but do you think-" He looks up at her expectantly.

"Of course!" She says, patting his shoulder. "A storm fit for a god. It would be only fitting, of course. I am going to come along, of course. Just in case there are any unexpected developments, like more dramatic effect."

Tommy nods. "Yeah! Those bitches aren't gonna know what hit them! But, do you think you could stay invisible 'n shit for it? I still wanna do this by myself. I don't-" He cuts himself off, feathers ruffling. "I wanna yell and bitch about it, and I want to do this on my own. Like an important milestone on my recovery." Clara nods in agreement.

"Right, right. For the lightning though, is there any houses you want to keep out of harms way? I plan on hitting a lot of houses, just to get people up and moving."

Tommy thinks for a minute. "Uh, maybe hit close to Ranboo's house- he's the black and white hybrid, he's always been pretty nice to me- and Sam and Puffy and BadBoyHalo. Sam put Dream in prison a while ago, and Puffy and BBH gave me some gifts the night before you picked me up. So, they're clear from property damage, but I still want to see them. Defintely break Dream out, I want to yell at him though. Wait, maybe I can break him out, like teleport him away from the prison and show off my new powers and shit- anyway, maybe save Niki as well, she was always nice."

Clara nods and begins to locate the small world that she pulled Tommy from so many years ago. "Goodness!" She laughs. "It's been a while since you looked down at this one, isn't it?"

"Yeah, haven't had much time to think shit about those old bitches." Tommy begins to search with her, quickly locating the small SMP, being recently cleared of the red bloodvines that had plagued it for a while.

While they plan, they laugh, and Clara is reminded of how far the young godling had been when she whisked him away. His old SMP hadn't deserved him, not even for a second.

~

Tommy and Clara were watching from the clouds as the little people in the SMP ran around panicked about the storm that was destroying a lot of their houses. Tommy watched with glee and satisfaction as the majority of the SMP (save for Dream, of course) gathered in the newly rebuilt community house to discuss the looming problem.

"Dream has to be behind this, Sam!" Fundy growled out. "He's the only one that has this kind of power!"

"You ready?" Clara asked Tommy, after waiting for him to be perfectly positioned under one of the next lightning bolts, aimed at one of the doorways to the community house. Tommy nodded and lit the tips of his wings, prepared for the force of the bolt to push him back down to the earth.

The lightning hit, and Tommy found himself being thrown down and pushed to the ground.

The first thing he noticed was that the bolt left little sparks over his body and his wings were a little more lit up than usual.

The second thing he noticed was that everyone in the community house was looking at him.

He stood up and, with a great amount of false confidence, strode into the room. Tubbo was staring slack-jawed, as were most people in the building. Phil's face was incredibly pale, to the point that Tommy actually began to worry about the man's health. Ranboo looked at him wide-eyed, but then Tommy saw recognition flash and a smile began to creep onto his face.

But the person that Tommy had his eyes on the most was the no-longer transparent form of his elder brother, well and alive again.

"What's up, bitches?" Tommy grinned, and suddenly the room was alive with shouts and yelling and holy Prime, Tommy probably should have prepared more for this reaction but he hadn't even known Wilbur was alive but oh, Phil's yelling about how Tommy left him and-

"Tommy, how could you? You've been off to who knows where? Where the fuck have you been? How could you leave us?" Phil's void-black wings ruffled, and Tommy didn't even think before responding,

"I've been off healing, bitch! You know, from all the trauma you adults forced on me? And the gaslighting from Dream? The manipulation? It took me years to get over that shit, and the god's world-time runs slow! I spent a whole fucking year trying to understand that what you bitches put me through was fucking wrong, and I was not alright! I left you all here because you left me when I was at my fucking WORST! YOU LET A SIXTEEN YEAR-OLD FIGHT IN FUCKING WARS AND GET EXILED! YOU EXPECTED ME TO TAKE THAT SHIT LIKE A FUCKING ADULT? FUCK NO!" Tommy's wings flared out and he could feel the heat radiating off of it, his flames responding to his anger.

"Thomas Minecraft-Innit, I am your father, how dare you-"

"Oh, you're my father now? Now, after you abandoned me, neglected me, left me in the dust? You cared more about your fucking war buddy than your own two sons! Wilbur was more of a father than you were, and then you fucking killed him!"

"Tommy-" Tubbo tried to interject.

"AND DON'T GET ME STARTED ON YOU TUBBO! DO YOU KNOW WHAT YOU DID? YOU LEFT ME AS WELL, YOU LEFT ME WITH FUCKING DREAM! YOU EXILED ME, AND FOR FUCKING WHAT? A SAD POSITION IN A COUNTRY THAT YOU LET DREAM PUPPETEER ANYWAY! WE FOUGHT THAT WAR TO GET AWAY FROM DREAM, AND THEN YOU FUCKING LET HIM RIGHT BACK IN!" Tommy raged, turing on his ex-best friend. "Oh, speaking of-" He snapped his fingers and then Dream was in the room with them, wearing an orange jumpsuit and looking around wildly.

The room let out a great outburst, which, to be fair, was expected.

But then Dream took one look at Tommy and decided that it was a-fucking-okay to try and re-manipulate Tommy again. As if he didn't notice that Tommy was much older, much more healed and much more powerful than before. (Or that could just be him. Clara did tell him that gods- and even godlings- could change their age and appearance, and sometimes it was involuntary and depended on emotions and metal stability. Tommy did actually feel much younger. Maybe it was from being in this place, this world, and being in front of the person that hurt him most. That would make sense.)

"Tommy!" Dream cried with unusual glee. "You're here to help me, aren't you? You finally came to your senses about your best friend, right?" Tommy only raised an eyebrow in response, not giving him an answer. "What, not going to give an answer to your only friend? Tommy, I stayed with you, I kept you company when no one else did, remember?" Prime, how long did Dream think he had been in that prison for?

Tommy only shrugged and then pulled out a sword and dashed up to Dream, keeping the blade on Dream's throat. "You mother fucker. You are the biggest bitch boy I've ever, and I mean ever, had the pleasure of knowing, bitch boy. You are the absolute worst thing to ever happen to me, you know that? You killed me twice, and for what? Gratification of knowing you killed a teenager? And then you tried to gaslight me, manipulate me into doing your sick shit for you? That's the most fucked up thing I've ever known, Dream. I'm going to enjoy taking this life from you." And then he swung, embedding the blade into the wall behind where Dream's body had once been.

TommyInnit killed Dream with [A Final Blow]

Dream made the achievement [Banned?]

"Tommy what-" Tommy turned to look at Technoblade, who was looking blankly at his chatlog.

"Oh, don't worry too much about him. He'll just be stuck for a few days in the ban-void, and then he'll come back on his own." A great number of people paled, knowing the ban void, when you were still on a world, meant that you were subjected to great amounts of agony as your body tore itself apart and tried to pull its code back together. And Tommy had just taken one of Dream's lives, too!

"Tommy, what happened to you?" Phil asked, horrified.

"I grew up," Tommy said with a smile. "And now I have the rest of time to spend continuing to grow and live. Becuase now, Tommy Innit never dies."

Techno rushed at him suddenly, axe swinging. It caught the edge of Tomm'y neck, and Tommy took the chance to grab Techno by the scruff on his, and lift him up, also while feeling his body grow older. Several gasps were heard around the room at the sudden change. "What were you trying to do there, Technoblade? You can't kill a god." And then he let Techno drop to the ground, before touching the part of his neck Techno had sliced.

His hand drew away with golden ichor.

[lfthinkerwrites]

Jon & Ed 31 (gen)?

Jonathan was in his cell, contemplating his plan of attack for his next session with Dr. Coombs when he heard the alarms go off. A second later, he heard the familiar voice over the intercom. “Alert: patient incident in Interview Room B. Pacification measures activated.” A second after that. Jonathan saw a group of four guards, Cash in the lead, all with their weapons drawn.

Jonathan raised an eyebrow. “Interesting.” Sounded like one of his unruly peers had a disagreement with a doctor. Which one? Jonathan looked out of his cell across the corridor where he saw Joker and Dent, the usual suspects. Dent seemed to be indifferent to what was going on, while Joker had his face smushed up against the glass, a grin across his face. A few minutes passed before Jonathan heard the sound of shouting from the end of the corridor. Cash and the guards reappeared, dragging with them someone Jonathan was surprised to see.

Edward was shouting incoherent ramblings at a high pitch, thrashing about as two of the guards struggled to keep their grip on him. Cash was ahead of the group, and Jonathan noticed the normally tough as-nails guard looked shaken. “Get him to extreme isolation,” Jonathan heard him say to the fourth guard. “Call Dr. Young, tell her she needs to get down there with the strongest stuff she has, but do not leave her alone with him. Have your weapons on him at all times.” The guard nodded choppily, then dashed back towards the Intensive Treatment Center. Jonathan took the opportunity to look at Edward and noticed that the front of the man’s prison jumpsuit was covered in blood. He raised an eyebrow again. Just what had Edward done?

Across the hall, Joker threw his head back and laughed. “Uh oh, Edders, did mean old Dr. Whatsisface bring up your Daddy issues again?” 

Edward abruptly stopped thrashing and jerked his head towards Joker. Jonathan was almost taken aback by the pure rage in the man’s eyes. He’d never seen Edward like this, in his full, unbridled fury. Edward let out a primal scream, yanked free of the guards' grasp, and ran towards Joker’s cell, much to the clown’s amusement. Edward jerked his fist back and punched the bulletproof glass with all his might. Jonathan heard the crack of the bones in Edward’s hand, but also the crack of the glass. Joker had shrunk back, his jaw dropped. Edward had succeeded in cracking the glass. One more punch may actually break it. Edward jerked his left hand back, oblivious to the pain he must be in when Cash wrapped his arm around his throat. “Settle down Nigma!” he shouted. “Jesus Christ, we need some sedatives here!”

Just in time, the fourth guard had returned with Dr. Young on his heels. “Get him on the floor!” she commanded. It took all four guards to pin Edward down and keep him still long enough for her to inject sedatives into his arm. Edward continued to shout and scream until he finally went still. “Take him to the medical infirmary to get that hand looked at,” Dr. Young told Cash. 

“You got it. What happened to Dr. Smith?”

“He was taken to the mainland for medical treatment, but he lost a lot of blood. Why in God’s name did he have a letter opener on him during a patient interview!?”

“I have no idea,” Cash said. The three guards had picked Edward up and carried him off. “I’ll meet you in Dr. Arkham’s office after I drop off Nigma.” The pair left, not paying any mind to the other inmates watching this drama unfold. Dent looked shocked, Joker, for the first time Jonathan could recall seeing, looked almost scared. Jonathan smirked. What a delightful show that had been. What had provoked that rage in Edward? 

And how could Jonathan replicate it?

[j-reau]

a hiatus or something

I didn’t want to post this. I told myself to give it until morning and sleep but I’ve been laying here for over an hour and I can’t sleep and I know I’m not going to sleep until I get it out. And I decided I’m not going to do the pretend things don’t bother us mentality that tumblr likes, the don’t show emotions on the dashboard, don’t let people know you’re hurt or angry out of fear it’ll be seen as ~drama or whatever thing stop me from just saying how I feel. Because I feel pretty shitty? I’ve been feeling shitty for a few days now. Maybe more. Last week I told myself that the drama that had randomly cropped up was just too much and I wasn’t going to let tumblr be something that made me cry or panic or kept me up at night over bullshit like arguing with someone over things that happened years ago. So I set my focus on my friends, on my dashboard, on reminding myself why I love RP and why I’ve been in it for this many years, for so long, with all of these people. Those Valentines I posted were part of that project for me. It was a reminder, for myself and my dash about all of the human connection that happens here, all the people we meet, all the little pieces of each other we take on and take with us, all the ships, all the conversations, however brief.  From the people we just see on our dash to the ones we talk to about all our fears and insecurities. And how all of it matters. 

I know how much we all love to say calm down gregg, it’s tumblr RP. I know how we all loathe this hellsite when we’re being our worst. I know how we all talk about how we’re too old for this now or we’re tired. We’re just here to write. I’m just here to write. I love writing. But what brings us all back time and time again, what keeps us here is the fact that it’s not just tumblr RP. It’s a community. Whether you have a real life that keeps you busy or your whole life is here, whether you have plenty of friends offline or all your closes people live on discord, we’re all people. And we all take this with us. We make friendships and we talk to each other. We open ourselves up to the constant trust and fear of interaction, of  plotting, of who is going to reach out or send the meme. We build friendships based on that, we care for each other, we see each other’s bad days on the dash, and great days and inspiration. And it means something. It may just be tumblr RP, but it matters to us. Because of the people here, because we give a fuck about each other. Or at least I’ve always liked to hope we do. I have friends on this website I’ve had for ten years, some just for 3, and others just a few months. It always floors me how we can always come back to it, how we stick with each other or don’t, how we see the good and the bad and the ugly. 

So to get on with it, I wrote those Valentines.  I hit refresh on my blog and put the weird random drama in the past and moved forward. I made this blog for JJ only about 3 months ago. I don’t know how I got 500 followers in that short time but I did. And it’s. been the wildest experience I can possibly explain, having that happen so quickly, finding so many people out in the RPC that I hadn’t before on my other blogs. I felt fucking good. I was excited. Not just to write a character I had wanted to and loved for years but to find so many people who I vibed with. I remember writing a post about a month in and being so fucking ... floored. By how much I loved you all, by how amazing it was to be received like that still, to find people my age and who wrote things I liked and loved their female characters. I fucking love JJ. I LOVE THE SHIT out of my partners on this blog, even the new people I’m still itching to write with. And yet, I did that little refresh, posted my valentines , got ready to go and felt .... sad. 

I tried to explain it. I tried to tell myself it was a bad mood. I hoped maybe it was medication. But I couldn’t shake the weird funk. And everywhere I looked it seemed like things were .... not good. My friends taking breaks, people feeling sad too, relationships splitting, people I liked and respected separating themselves. Tonight, one of my closest friends I’ve made on this blog blocked me. Someone I adored and trusted and absolutely loved to write with. Tumblr says we’re not supposed to care. That we’re supposed to let people draw their lines in the sand and take their leave and maybe we are. Maybe it’s important to let people make their choices. But I also think it’s important as fuck to talk to your friends, to mean what you say when you tell someone they’re important to you. I think it’s important that we remember on the other side of every blog and discord user is a person. Who has bad days and bad feelings and cries and feels insecure and tells themselves it’s just tumblr RP even when they know somehow it feels heavier when it’s bad. This was a friend I had talked to at length about all of those exact things, about how personal the community can feel sometimes, about feeling replaceable or invisible, even for the toughest most confident most take no shit people. I’ve always considered myself a pretty tough, confident, take no shit person. I think anyone who has known me for as many years as I’ve been around has seen that first hand. I don’t like how sad I’ve felt lately. I don’t like the insecurity that’s making me want to know why things feel way or why people vanish without so much as an explanation. I had to block a mutual last week I saw making fun of me on their twitter. A mutual. Someone who chose to follow me and on a public place where my other friends could see it made fun of what I posted. And I just don’t know what we’re doing anymore. It didn’t bother me. I don’t have hurt feelings over it. That’s the kind of stuff I definitely know I’m confident about. But .... it did really fucking floor me. Because here we are, on a sight where users talk about positivity and not sending anon hate, and we can treat each other like that. 

I’ve been sitting up in bed for hours trying to figure out what to say or what to do. That’s what I do I guess. I try to figure out what to do, how we fix it, like somehow there’s some unified we and some responsibility to make things better. A lot of you have only known me for a few months so this probably sounds all kinds of nuts. And you’re probably going JJ you’ve been an emotional mess since the moment we met you. Because I feel like that’s how it’s been for the last few months. But that’s not how it’s always been for me. That’s not who I am. So for now I guess I’m just trying to figure out what I do. Instead of sitting here and spinning and trying to figure out how we as a community fix these gaping holes and the way we talk about each other like we’re disposable and treat each other like names on a list instead of people. 

For now, I think what I do is take a little break. It’s the very thing I don’t want to do. Because it feels like quitting and it feels like being scared away. So I feel the need to promise whoever has read all of this and myself that that’s not what it is. Maybe I’ll be back in two days, maybe two weeks, who knows. But I need a break. From whatever this feeling is that seems to have come over things lately. I’ve loved these few months on this blog so much. And maybe that’s half the problem. Maybe I got spoiled and this is the come down. Maybe I’m just an idiot who thinks what we all want on this website is to find people and love each other and write together. I never knew that me -- the person often accused of being aloof and feelingsless and distant would somehow turn into the emotional bitch on this website but here we are I guess. I just don’t know how to navigate this anymore. I don’t know how to put my heart into relationships and friendships that can just be switched off like we can just stop caring about people. I don’t know how to ignore people who say horrible things and do horrible things to each other just because we don’t want to see it on our dashes. I don't know how to give enough of everything to everyone so that every single one of my mutuals and partners knows they’re valuable to me. I don’t know what I hope to accomplish. I don’t know when I got to be so much of a raw, frayed edge on tumblr dot com but that’s how I feel. And I hope in a few days or sometime soon I’ll have an answer or at least get my hard shell back.

I want to keep writing. I want to keep talking to you guys. I don’t want to lose anyone. I truly mean what I say when I say you’re all important to me. I plan to still be around on discord. I’ll write on discord if anyone wants to keep writing. If we aren’t discord friends yet and you want to be, send a message. I plan to come back. I don’t want to abandon anything. I’m so deeply fucking sorry for this rant, for all the overflow of feelings lately, for anyone that’s had to listen to them, for putting them on your dashes, for fucking all of it. Please be good to each other. Please talk to each other. Please remember that if we’ve crossed paths at any point on this blog, I value you. I value all of your friendships, your writing, your shitposts, your dash commentary, your tiktoks you dump at me on discord. I love you. Every last fucking one of you. 

[diyeoracha]

fanfic recommendations

for @kittensocute bc i heard “atsukita” and “iwaoi” in reference to fanfiction and i am There

i took your “i love slow burn or slow build fics... so i like relatively shorter burn fics (20-30k). If its a 10k oneshot slow burn hELL SIGN ME UP” and absolutely ran with it.

i listed my fav iwaoi fics (17) with a longer word count (longest is 80k) that are all mostly either canon compliant or divergent with only two straight up AUs. none of them feature heavy nsfw content and most if not all are tagged as friends to lovers lmao. feel free to read the my thoughts or just go into them blind!! and they’re all in order of how much I absolutely adore them :^)

now atsukita is not a big ship *sobs* but here are some of my favorite fics (7) of them! a lot of them are shorter bc i guess that’s just. what happens when it’s a small ship LOL. 

the formatting in this is fucked if you open it from ur dash but if it’s on my actual blog it should be fine!

Iwaoi

the courtship ritual of the hercules beetle

Word count: 66k

thoughts: my absolute absolute absolute favorite iwaoi fic. the characterization, the fact that oikawa’s a bastard but because he and iwaizumi are older (late 20s i believe), it feels more realistic and sad rather than oikawa being a bitch for the sake of it. spoiler alert it’s slow burn and pining and mostly oikawa not realizing his feelings. this world building is pretty cool bc iwaizumi is the professional player while oikawa is an entomology professor! also i love non-linear narratives bc of This fic. there’s mutual pining in this fic but it’s really really really subtle to the point where you dont even know if oikawa likes iwa. this made me cry like twice.

sunset towns

Word count: 33k

Summary: In the summer of 2020, Oikawa Tooru returns home from his first successful stint as captain of Japan’s national volleyball team. In one hand, he holds the undisputed weight of an Olympic medal, and in the other, his unresolved feelings for a childhood best friend.

thoughts: the tone in this is So similar to the courtship ritual that I liken this as an alternate story even though it’s still oikawa’s pov. professional player oikawa and regular guy iwaizumi and oikawa is just. bumming around at iwaizumi’s place and naturally he messes up but things happen.

told before and told again

word count: 4k

thoughts: i looked through literally all the tags i could’ve thought of for this and nearly cried when i found it agian. outsider POV!!

In damp earth my body

Word count: 15k

Summary: Onscreen, the nation’s favorite setter has arranged himself so that he’s bowing, forehead pressed to the court, like he’s thanking everyone for their kindness thus far, like he’s asking for forgiveness. Hajime thinks: shit, it’s really happening

thoughts: oikawa retires and moves in with iwaizumi and they blur the line between roommates/best friends and being fwb. this is an iwaizumi pov and the pining is obvious on his end. as a iwa stan the tone made me feel weird bc it makes it seem like iwa cares more abt oikawa than he cares abt himself but. its a good fic

i grew up, you grew down

word count: 19k

thoughts: this is also SO funny bc basically oikawa retires and moves in with iwaizumi and becomes his stay at home wife and a bunch of shit happens like people think that oikawa is dating ushijima and oikawa basically loses it every time. here’s one of my favorite quotes:

“Oikawa also bought a new ultra-strength vacuum cleaner he’d decided to name Ushiwaka out of sheer spite, because it sucked all the air right out of the room. Iwa-chan didn’t think the joke was that funny when Tooru told him, which was frankly very hurtful and insensitive.”

Mint

Word count: 19k

thoughts: iwaizumi is moving and oikawa planned a perfect last hangout and it goes to shit featuring matsuhana. oikawa pov where he pines more than iwa which is something i can get behind!! and this was written in 2015 and iwa’s moving bc of a sports medicine program so iwaizumi stans know and love him sm ;;

Almost a Stranger

Word count: 16k

thoughts: same premise as mint LOL except they’re on a trip together and there’s more non-linear narrative!! this one is a little more mature in tone than mint i would say (funny how people just like splitting them up and throwing them in different countries huh)

with every second that you could give

Word count: 9k

Summary: The journey of Iwaizumi and Oikawa going for gold.

Quote: He knows they’re too close. Iwaizumi knows it too, and they both decided to move in together anyway.

thoughts: iwaoi roommates and they’re both obviously and really pine-y for each other and everyone sees it but them. srsly. they’re sleeping in the same bed. like my god

Lost in Translation

Word count: 9k

Summary: Because misfortune come in threes, Iwaizumi Hajime starts his Thursday having a screaming fight with Shittykawa, spends his lunch break listening to the UCI women’s volleyball team gossiping about how Ushijima Wakatoshi had gone public about his longtime love affair with Oikawa Tooru, and closes out the day by drunkenly dropping his phone into a sewer grate.

thoughts: so funny. so sososoosso genuinely funny. the tone is so snappy and iwaizumi honestly just sounds like a confused teenager (which he is in this) and it gets extra points for including a lot of american culture that a lot of the other iwaoi college au ones don’t include for like. obvious reasons lol.

Something Borrowed

Word count: 16k

Summary: In which Oikawa and Iwaizumi have always been a foregone conclusion to everyone else, but a massive, unanswered question to one another.

thoughts: iwaoi roommates thats abo but it’s like. mentioned twice. whiny and possessive oikawa makes an appearance in this but it’s done really well

things that change, things that stay the same

Word count: 8k

Summary: Oikawa realizes he’s in love with his best friend; it sucks for a while. (But only for a little while.)

thoughts: high school getting together!! my second iwaoi fic ever and this one is just. so sweet. just an unsure oikawa realizing iwaizumi might be more than someone he wants as a best friend. this fic is honestly really really lovely.

galaxies, within you

Word count: 21k

Summary: Hajime and Tooru move in together at the start of university. Too bad they’re stuck with the two gremlins that haunt their apartment.

thoughts: ok this fic was so funny. theyre uni roommates and matsuhana just come fuck shit up and they all act like idiots together even though they go to different schools. and this really throws me back to university days.

Thirty Years and Change (the Games of the XXXIII Olympiad)

Word count: 19k

thoughts: pro! oikawa and iwaizumi haven’t been close for a while until oikawa invites iwaizumi to go to the games with him. there’s a lot of frustration and pining and actually talking about feelings (aka iwaizumi losing his mind and getting advice from people like akaashi)

when it starts to rain, they go inside

Word count: 33k

Summary: “Where?” starts Iwaizumi.“ My parent’s old lakehouse, silly, didn’t you hear me the first time?” OR: Oikawa takes Iwaizumi to his lakehouse for two weeks, post-graduation.

thoughts: this was actually my first iwaoi fic which is funny bc the author doesn’t even like oikawa much and i didnt even ship anything in haikyuu before i read this fic and now im in iwaoi hell. oikawa is really frustrating in this in that it’s basically a really good character analysis on how oikawa comes off as a Mean person all the time bc he’s manipulative and there’s some explicit content

shiver

Word count: 16k

Summary: Oikawa was always the brave one. Hajime just followed two paces behind.

thoughts: iwaoi roommates with oikawa admitting his feelings first back when they were in middle school and iwaizumi putting that thought on the backburner until. obviously. things happen.

Desperado

word count: 80k

thoughts: one of my favorite aus. it’s all from kyoutani’s perspective and it’s almost so au that they’re original characters (if that makes sense). basically iwaoi matsuhana are ex-grifters except iwaoi are estranged and daishou somehow brings everyone back together. excellent world building and reading the pov from someone not involved with the iwaoi drama was refreshing

sing with me a song of conquest and fate

word count: 26k

thoughts: a mythical kings au that’s just. so pretty. iwaizumi ends up becoming oikawa’s servant for some reason and the world building is a+ because you can feel the trust and frustration from both of them build

Atsukita

dreams of me and you

word count: 10k (incomplete)

my second atsukita fic that rly sent me down atskt hell ;; what is essentially post-break up when atsumu gets signed to msby and he’s just Pining and sad for the most part. but the established relationship pre-break up was written really nicely because it just fits my hc of them just being domestic and atsumu being blatantly head over heels

take me home

word count: 4k

i read this this morning and it wrecked me. domestic relationship atsukita?? sign me up

No time like the rest of my life

word count: 19k

mythology au with kita as a regular person and rest of inarizaki as fox spirits! it’s cute and the world building is absolutely lovely but it is an au so they might seem ooc but their core character values are still there

wild blue yonder

word count: 6k

literally full of similes and metaphors and it’s more of an abstract read i guess? but it’s so beautiful and soft and this is exactly how i imagine their relationship

reap and sow

word count: 8k

atsumu confesses and kita ignores him and it’s a couple years after the fact and it’s mostly just weirdly domestic almost roommate like except for the fact that atsumu makes it clear he likes kita LOL. they’re really in character for this!

weightless souls

word count: 2k

pillow talk before atsumu’s first game! the atsumu pov and voice is amazing

if we were both alone

word count: 7k

now this was actually my first atskt fic that sent me down this rare pair hell. it’s an explicit chat fic (both tropes i usually try to avoid) but atsumu types like me (except for the nsfw parts alksfjd) so i guess i like. feel appreciation LMAO.

if you do read like any of these fics pls let me know so we can discuss

♡＼(￣▽￣)／♡

[fireemblemtcg]

“The Cipher Frontier!” Issue 58: “Cipher Will Never Die!”

"The Cipher Frontier! With Emma, Shade, Yuzu, Randal, Alice, Val, Niamh & Poe" was a regular column on the Fire Emblem Cipher website which summarized upcoming news concerning Cipher and other Fire Emblem materials. It was presented by the eight mascot characters. The following is a full translation of the 58th and final issue of the column, which was originally published on 31 March 2021.

More Fire Emblem Cipher translations!

Hello, everybody!!!!!!!!

It's been over five years since Cipher launched - and, for that matter, The Cipher Frontier! itself...

And today... we bring you the last one!

Sniff... So this is really it...

Aye, it certainly is a bitter occasion.

With the moment upon us, I find myself overcome with emotion. Yet at the same time, I cannot help but sorely wish that this day had never come at all.

Well, it... It doesn't bother m-m-me... Not... one...

BWAAAAAAAAAAAH! I C-C-CAN'T TAKE THIS!

E-easy, milady! You swore before we began that you would not cry!

I, too, owe very, very much to all of you, so... I am very sad.

Where there is a beginning, so too shall there be an end... It is an inevitability.

Still, one might argue that as long as there are still decks to play with and opponents to challenge... Cipher may be played for eternity. So think not on this as the end, for this is but a milestone of life.

Sniff... So this isn't farewell?

Not in the least! All of our players can still continue to get together to play Cipher. So as sad as you might be now to see the game end, the feeling won't last! And I, for one, would like to close out our final day with a smile.

To that end, I propose that we all share some parting words. You first, Emma!

Alrighty! Well, I've been here since the beginning, but... Back then, I was an absolute noob, wasn't I? I didn't have the faintest idea what a "Tea See Gee" even was!

But then I learned so much from Shade, and I presented news, participated in Tryout and Gathering events, and watched Live Broadcasts - and all of that gave me the chance to grow so much.

And then as the days went by, we got to meet Yuzu and Randal, Alice and Valjean, and Niamh and Poe, and we all always had a riot of a time playing Cipher together... It's all been like something out of a dream!

Lastly, I just want to say thank you...

To all of you who've been reading our column to date, thank you tho thuch!

Ha! Is that a slip of the tongue I hear?

Why, I do believe it was... And of all the words to flub, at that.

H-heh heh heh! I guess I am still just a kid after all... But mark my words, I'll be working even harder to become a mature, full-fledged knight! Okay, let's try this again... Thank you all!

Well, I'm next! I was primarily tasked with hosting this column and presenting news.

But the work introduced me to more and more friends, and to a constant stream of announcements that were news to me myself... To lose it is like I've also lost my reason to exist, but at least I am left with fond memories of it all.

My desire to convey the appeal of Cipher to others hasn't wavered in the slightest, but... this is the last time it will ever happen here. Alas. Still, I will always be rooting for all of you, even if we don't see each other.

There will always be a bond between us - always. Remember that whenever you play Cipher and see our cards. On this, you have my word! This has been Shade, shepherd of wayward lambs, saying farewell!

Alright, then. You're next, Yuzu!

...

Huh? Yuzu! What's gotten into you? Would you just get out here?

Er, forgive me. When everybody's gaze turned upon me, I could not help but immediately seek shelter...

Oh, yeah. You never did like public speaking, did you, Yuzu?

Of course! We had a devil of a time convincing you to come out at all for your very first column.

E-enough! That was many years ago: a d-d-difficulty that I have long since moved past!

Hrr-hrr-hrr... heh-HEM! L-l-let us, er, begin anew.

I am Yuzu. My contribution to this column was to introduce cards that afforded new styles of play... only to let a haze of utter passion promptly consume me and hence spend my every waking hour crafting decks from them and trialling them in matches.

You always were one to cry, "I must test these cards at once!" and throw yourself into obsessive research.

As such, I have acquired an eye for strategy, forged in the fires of Cipher, to incorporate into my prior mastery of the martial arts - and with that, at long last, I have come to an understanding of the very heart of warcraft.

Further, as a consequence I may declare with confidence that, should I ever find my brother, I shall be able to hold my head high for all that I have grown in his absence. For that, you have my most heartfelt gratitude. So end my parting words!

Thank you, Yuzu. Right, it's your turn, Randal!

Huh? Oh, right then!

I've got a motto: always take your games deathly serious, and always make your own fun on the job… And, well, this has been my chance to prove those words true.

I mean yeah, I'm a wanderer at heart; I might've stuck around a bit too long... but that's just because this was all a hell of a lot of fun.

Oh, I agree... It was a HELL of a lot of fun!

GAH! It's... It's you!

Well, well. We have a stranger among us!

Pah! "Stranger," indeed. This hair, this face, this ribbon... None of this ring a bell?

Eh? Do you... do you mean Randal?

Indeed! I am...

...His son, no? It is nice to meet you!

OI!

What are you on about?! I AM Randal, just from the past - younger than the one you know!

It's happening again! The exact same argument!

This really must be the end, if HE'S here...

This is how you treat me? I have to hear that the last column is happening at the eleventh hour and make a mad dash to make it in time?! Bloody hell...

What is this? A being under the thrall of the Boundless Chaos? How intriguing. I must conduct a thorough examination at once...

H-hey! What are you doing, Niamh?! You look deathly serious... Oi, that's enough! Stay back! I... I've got a sword!

Well, er, I'm just about all out of time, but I just want to say it was a hoot being on the Frontier. Hope I see you all again someday. Adios!

He vanished?! Still more intriguing...

Sigh... What a pain in the arse, if I do say so myself. Although... I must admit, we do agree on one thing: I'd also be glad to see you all again.

This might be one farewell, but here's hoping we cross paths once more! And if we do, hey, why not play a match with this old fart? And that's all she wrote from ol' Randal!

Thank you. Next, let's hear from Alice and Valjean!

Heh heh! At last! Shall we, Val?

Yes, milady.

The two of us made our debut circa Series 10, and ever since that day, the Frontier never failed to be a most thrilling time. Would you agree, Val?

Yes, milady.

My objective in making this journey was simple: to experience much in my travels, such that I might someday return home and become a great ruler indeed. But instead, I first became a most superior, most brilliant Cipher player! Utterly invincible! Favored by fortune! And whatnot. Didn't I, Val?

Yes, milady.

I remember... that every time a Cipher release day came, I would be up all night from their eve, crafting decks and playing matches with the others. Oh, it was such fun! Wasn't it, Val?

...Yes, mi... mi... milady! Sniff...

V-Val?! What is the matter with you?

I am most moved. That my most capricious liegelady could at last find in Cipher such an engaging hobby, such good company, and such a source of training - and that she could grow so greatly as a woman.

Val...

We have been truly blessed to have had all of this: all of you, who welcomed us so warmly into the Frontier fold, and all of the Cipher players out in the world. I wish to offer you my gratitude for everything.

To be honest... I have something to say on that matter myself. Thank you, truly, for everything. I will never, ever, ever, EVER forget even a single day that we spent here together!

Nor shall I!

...Having said that, milady, I fear that you are still yet unready for the throne! From today onward, we must redouble your original leadership training efforts! I fully intend to prepare for you an intensive study regimen.

I-I-I beg your pardon?! You will not speak to me so! If I see even a single incorrect mark, you would do well to prepare yourself, for I will work you to the very bone for the rest of your days!

By all means, do it. But be prepared, for I have a lifetime's worth of admonishments at the ready.

Heh... Best of luck to the two of you!

Your turn, Niamh!

I was present from the 37th column onward... To be precise, it was in the "Love and Bonds Special Talk CD" audio drama that came as a set with an artbook, sold at Comiket 93.

My inquiry and research into the miscellaneous phenomena of this world, and the Boundless Chaos in particular, shall continue, but...

...

Well?! Don't tell me that's all you have to say!

...No. To me, my inquiry into Cipher represented the introducton of a new, major challenge into my life. Cipher decks... Gameplay... Which solution is correct, and which is optimal... As yet, I still have found no answers. As such, it is vital that going forward, I collaborate with a broad sample of Cipher players and find an answer...

So what you're saying is, you enjoyed playing Cipher with everyone, and you're gonna keep playing forever!

That, er... Ahem! That's pretty much it.

Cryptic remarks if I ever heard them, but certainly Niamh-ish.

Right, let's keep this going with Poe!

Only a year and a half has passed since I was welcomed to this column, and sadly, in the end our association has been brief. But I was able to have a very fulfilling time with you.

Attending that Winter Comiket thing with all of you, playing the "Recite and Play: Heroes Iroha" card game being sold there... They were very happy days.

And in all of that, I have always been monitoring Niamh...

...

Hee hee... You have been a good girl here, have you not? I do nothing to good girls.

If one of you becomes wicked, at that time I shall... Heh... Heh heh heh heh heh...

So, I pray that we never have an unpleasant reunion, and end my speech. Thank you. This has been Poe!

Heh... Let's keep that warning in mind.

...With that, have all of us spoken?

Tsk tsk... We aren't actually finished just yet! Since this is our last column, allow me to call upon a special guest!

...A guest? Wait, you don't mean...

Ta-daaaaa! Here he is!

Hello, everyone! I am Kawade, the producer of Fire Emblem Cipher.

K-K-KawadeP!

My, what a surprise!

The publication of the final Frontier coincides with, at last, the end-of-March termination of event support for Cipher. So I thought I would share a message for all of our readers and Cipher players.

If you count from when Cipher was first announced, roughly six years have passed. That's a long time, yet it's just flown by... These have been very busy years, but also wonderful ones, absolutely full of memories and events.

In that time we've constantly taken on new challenges - not just the production of Cipher itself, but Twitter content, live broadcasts, and staging events all around Japan.

And through all of that, we've had the chance to meet so many fans of Fire Emblem and Cipher... That was not only the most fun part of all, but a part that made us happy.

Although, we were unfortunately unable to hold any of our planned events for our final year, and for that I am truly sorry to all of you.

Still, we staff stuck with it to the very end, and as a result were able to complete Cipher as a fantastic game that can be played for years and years to come. For that, we are proud of ourselves.

It was thanks to all of you, who kept on supporting us, that we could continue our work to this standard all the way to the final series. I am overcome with gratitude to you all!

Production might have come to an end, but Fire Emblem Cipher will never die! It would make me happy if, every now and then, you might bring your cards out and play with them. Thank you all, truly, for everything!

And that concludes KawadeP's remarks!

Whew!

That, I believe, is everything that we wished to share.

Aye, I've got nothing to add.

So I suppose this is it: the end of the Cipher Frontier's long run.

Er... Shade? Can I say one last thing?

Hm? What is it, Emma?

Thank you for taking the lead in hosting this last one... And thank you so much for all the things you've taught me!

(Emma...)

H-hey! That's enough of that! You're about to make me cry, and that wouldn't be ending this day with a smile, would it?

Heh. I guess not!

So hey, let's give them one last, enthusiastic That Thing before Shade bursts into tears!

Very well, then. That Thing it is! This has been The Cipher Frontier!

With Emma...

Shade...

Yuzu...

Randal...

Alice...

Val...

Niamh...

...and Poe.

Now, then...

Let's do it, everyone!

One...

Two...

CIPHER!!!!!!!!

THANK YOU FOR EVERYTHING, EVERYBODY!!!!!!!!

...

...

...

...

FIRE EMBLEM CIPHER The Cipher Frontier! With Emma, Shade, Yuzu, Randal, Alice, Val, Niamh & Poe

Emma Emma continues to train in order to become a full-fledged pegasus knight. Her tireless Cipher training also continues, but she has yet to show much improvement at the game.

Shade Veteran mage that she is, Shade continues to teach the next generation. Many seeking to become almighty Cipher players have come to her, only to struggle bitterly under her tutelage - yet at the same time, to Emma and the others, she remains a nurturing guiding hand.

Yuzu Yuzu embarked on a journey of martial training, all the while following whispers of her brother's whereabouts... although evidently, she does return from her travels from time to time, bearing souvenirs, to partake in Cipher matches with all of her friends.

Randal Randal made a truly once-in-a-lifetime wager, only to go into hiding thereafter. Some rumors attest that he won, and that with that windfall he secured for himself a carefree life of quiet leisure in some southern land - others, that he met with a catastrophic loss, and was hence forced into labor in someplace.

Alice Alice's travels continue, as she seeks all the experience that she needs to become a true leader. Although at first she struggled, she grew to thoroughly enjoy it, and so she will persist in her journey without ever taking a break to return home... Or so she tells herself, at least.

Valjean Valjean continues to travel all across the land with his liegelady. Witnessing Alice grow ever stronger and wiser by the day, he cannot help but feel conflicting feelings of joy and loneliness beneath the privacy of his helm.

Niamh Even as she continues in her pursuit of wisdom, Niamh silently carries out research into Cipher. Her seminal monograph, "A Compendium of Cipher Decks," is over 100 volumes in length, and by all accounts is still in print to this day.

Poe Poe vanished in her hunt for evil, and her whereabouts remain unknown. However, according to the afterword of "A Compendium of Cipher Decks," she and Niamh have since fought to the death on many an occasion.

The End...???

[thisweekingundamwing]

This Week in Gundam Wing 23-29 May 2021

I’m so on the ball with this lately... >_> Sorry. Here’s this week’s roundup! May 23rd - 29th!

Remember to give your content creators some love! Be sure to join in on the events at the bottom! And remember to send in any new works you see or make next week!

~Mod Hel

Fanfiction/Snippets/AU Ideas:

@bobo-is-tha-bomb

The Preventer Calendar https://archiveofourown.org/works/31561295

Gen, Reader, Heero Yuy, Duo Maxwell, Trowa Barton, Quatre Raberba Winner, Chang Wufei, Zechs Merquise, OC - Character

Mature, No Archive Warnings Apply, Humor, Partial Nudity, Reader-Insert, Nudity, A teeny hint of TrowaxReader, Rating because of some gratuitous nudity on Trowa's side

Twelve models, twelve shoots, twelve different locations in the Ardennes, and all of it in two fucking days. Because Preventer couldn’t spare you their agents any longer than that.

Why had you agreed to do this project again?

It's all for the arts.

boxofhatebrains

Helping Hand https://archiveofourown.org/works/31620146

M/M, Duo Maxwell/Heero Yuy

Explicit, No Archive Warnings Apply, Light Angst, Comfort/Angst, Minor Injuries, Implied/Referenced Blow Jobs, Not Gundam Wing: Frozen Teardrop Compliant, after series, Flirting, Not Beta Read, slight reference to Episode Zero, Swearing

Duo realizes that Heero comes around whenever he damn well feels like it. They’ve been in contact for the last seven years after the Mariemaia incident, but generally at Heero’s own whim. Duo stays in the same place, it’s Heero who gravitates.

This time is no different.

@duointherain

Silent Menace https://duointherain.tumblr.com/post/652120818915115009/fic-silent-menace-11

1x2x1

Warnings: Mute Duo. Drugged and injured Heero.

Une always had the dark side of the job. She’d let others give out goodness, but bad news she owned herself. Duo had come to the conclusion that she was trying to take responsibility, trying to be a decent person. He could vibe with that.

@lifeaftermeteor

Touched by the Stars (Ch. 7) https://archiveofourown.org/works/26314657/chapters/77885468

M/M, Chang Wufei/Duo Maxwell, Chang Wufei/Heero Yuy, Trowa Barton/Chang Wufei, Chang Wufei/Quatre Raberba Winner

Explicit, Choose Not To Use Archive Warnings, thar be porn, Dubious Consent, Aliens, Alien Abduction, Alternate Universe, mention of MPREG, everyone takes a turn with Wufei, alien anatomy and interesting dicks, Tentacles, Monster Boys, Slime, Double Cocks, Cum Inflation, Knotting, Oral, multiple dicks, Xeno, Spitroasting, Oviposition, Body Modification, Polyamory, Unbirthing, Triple Penetration, Cervical Penetration

University instructor Chang Wufei didn't even believe in aliens, much less intentionally attract their attention. But that doesn't mean much when they decided he'd be the ideal final mate for their group and scoop him off of the planet to take home to their queen. Enjoying him on the trip there, of course. 

@noirangetrois

Of the Sea (Ch. 10) https://archiveofourown.org/works/12749670/chapters/78205124

M/M, Duo Maxwell/Heero Yuy

Mature, No Archive Warnings Apply, fairytale my way, Meroctopus!Dorothy, Slow Burn, Multi POV, POV Third Person Limited, merman au, MerMay, Fantasy Politics, mentions of abuse, Unnatural November

Heero Yuy will soon be reaching the age of majority, at which time he will ascend the throne of Wingaria. Before such time, he must needs choose a bride. But what if there are no good choices? What if someone else has captured his heart?

The Story of Wrong (Ch. 8) https://archiveofourown.org/works/13849020/chapters/77856332

M/M, Duo Maxwell/Heero Yuy

Explicit, Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death, Duo POV, Angst, Drama, Tragedy, Spoilers, very dark, Heero and Duo don’t die, I promise, Yaoi, slowburn, Mental Instability, Mental Health Issues, Mental Breakdown, If those are in any way an issue for you then go ahead and skip this, Eventual Smut, VERY eventual, this is mostly canon-compliant but I’ve changed a couple things here and there

Duo recounts his experiences during the war in order to explain… well, why he was wrong.

simulacraryn

love me like (tomorrow we’re) stardust https://archiveofourown.org/works/31458119/chapters/77811359

M/F, Treize Khushrenada/Lady Une

Treize Khushrenada, Lady Une, Original Characters, Hot Dog (gundam wing)

Explicit, Choose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Angst, Near Death Experiences, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, unredeemable villain, Sex, Smut, consent is fucking sexy, Spoiler: He wore the Astro Suit at last!, Newtypes (Gundam Wing), no predators or prey here, intact brains

The World Nation would face off against the White Fang to bring about an end to all conflict between the Colonies and Earth. The plan had called for the bitter end of the last bastion of the old regime, Treize Khushrenada. However, as with every play on the stage of war, the actors have chosen to adlib. Effectively throwing the course of history off the rails, the director finds himself faced with a new road to choose.

@zaganthi

Jiu Jie https://archiveofourown.org/works/31413956

M/M, M/F, Duo Maxwell/Quatre Raberba Winner; Treize Khushrenada/Quatre Raberba Winner; Treize Khushrenada/Duo Maxwell; Duo Maxwell/Hilde Schbeiker

Explicit, Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Relationship Negotiation; Polyamorous Character; Quatre Raberba’s Uchuu no Kokoro | Space Heart; Aged-Up Character(s); Newtypes (Gundam Wing); Past Relationship(s); Jealousy; Awkward Flirting; Bathing/Washing; Cuddling & Snuggling; Museums; talking about feelings; Psychic Bond; Dealing with exes; Ex Sex; Colonists exploring earth

Hilde waved goodbye as she left and Duo went to look for Treize and Quatre. What the hell was wrong with him. His body seemed to be saying yes but his mind was definitely not in that space at all. What the everlasting hell was going on. He wanted to see her again but why?

Treize passed him a picture of tree frogs, apparently feeling the confusion as Duo half jogged through the aquarium to catch back up. What the hell. Just what the hell.

It took him a while to get there, but the moment he got close, Quatre saw him, beamed a happy smile and the link opened up with a rush and he was surrounded again in emotional warmth. It was addictive and a relief, and there wasn’t, there wasn’t any recrimination from either of them. Just run off and see an old flame, it’s cool, we’ll be here when you get back vibes.

Lebensmüde https://archiveofourown.org/works/31413278

M/M, Duo Maxwell/Quatre Raberba Winner; Treize Khushrenada/Quatre Raberba Winner; Treize Khushrenada/Duo Maxwell

Explicit, Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Aged-Up Character(s); Quatre Raberba’s Uchuu no Kokoro | Space Heart; Newtypes (Gundam Wing); Preventers (Gundam Wing); Cameos; Therapy; Aftermath of Torture; Aftermath of Violence; Rape Aftermath; Physical Disability; Gratuitous Smut; Psychic Bond; Psychic Abilities; Domestic; Injury Recovery

Treize remembered the discussion of gunpowder residue on his head; it was one of the things John had been livid about after everything, and unable to explain any more than Treize had at the time. Seeing it written down… was something else. Treize closed the book over his finger, gently tapping it on his thigh as he looked up at Quatre.

“The first hot chocolate of the season,” Quatre said sitting down next to him, comfort flowing over the link. “I really wanted something sweet.” He paused. “I can feel something is…oh.” He noticed the book in Treize’s hand.

“Adding to the list of things we need to probably talk about,” he said quietly, contemplating it as he reached with his other hand to take the cocoa. “Have you written everything up?”

Fanart/Crafts/Photo Manips:

@2pcbart

https://archiveofourown.org/works/31618103

Recollect - Trowa/WuFei, comic style

@alphaikaros

https://alphaikaros.tumblr.com/post/651358650733150208/little-angry-boi

WuFei Chang, fanart

@bettertasting

https://bettertasting.tumblr.com/post/652303436314017792/something-spicy-for-the-dash-im-really-digging

Heero/Duo, fanart, nsfw

@bobo-is-tha-bomb

https://bobo-is-tha-bomb.tumblr.com/post/652089738925359104/%F0%9D%98%9B%F0%9D%98%A9%F0%9D%98%AA%F0%9D%98%B4-%F0%9D%98%AA%F0%9D%98%B4-%F0%9D%98%97%F0%9D%98%B3%F0%9D%98%A6%F0%9D%98%B7%F0%9D%98%A6%F0%9D%98%AF%F0%9D%98%B5%F0%9D%98%A6%F0%9D%98%B3-%F0%9D%98%9E%F0%9D%98%AA%F0%9D%98%AF%F0%9D%98%A5-%F0%9D%98%A4%F0%9D%98%A2%F0%9D%98%AD%F0%9D%98%AD%F0%9D%98%AA%F0%9D%98%AF%F0%9D%98%A8-zechs-merquise

Tallgeese, gunpla

https://bobo-is-tha-bomb.tumblr.com/post/652448694036316160/sd-wing-gundam-ew

Wing, gunpla

@judaru

https://judaru.tumblr.com/post/651257960922857472/im-20-years-late-but-ive-been-reading-a-lot-of

Duo Maxwell, fanart

@keiko1183

https://keiko1183.tumblr.com/post/652327422940807168/completed-with-pencils-might-be-doing-the-acrylics

Trowa/Quatre, fanart

@not-so-dead-fandoms

https://not-so-dead-fandoms.tumblr.com/post/651085636504272896/mermay-01

Heero Yuy, fanart

https://not-so-dead-fandoms.tumblr.com/post/651494132071661568/mermay-02-duo-as-a-betta-fish-merlad

Duo Maxwell, fanart

https://not-so-dead-fandoms.tumblr.com/post/652283083819810816/mermay-03-of-course-i-made-trowa-a-clownfish

Trowa Barton, fanart

@pineappleglazedham

https://pineappleglazedham.tumblr.com/post/651759824584966144

Trieze/Une, fanart, fanfiction, playlist

Photosets/Gifsets/Screenshots/Manga Pages:

@clair-audients

https://clair-audients.tumblr.com/post/652114120696594432

Wing & Altron, gif

@disturbed02girl

https://disturbed02girl.tumblr.com/post/617456995130294273/thoughtful-quatre-thursday

Quatre, manga page

@meggie-stardust

https://meggie-stardust.tumblr.com/post/652350439669547008/same-energy

Epyon is an icon.

Fandom Discourse:

@bobo-is-tha-bomb

https://bobo-is-tha-bomb.tumblr.com/post/651423437954433024/a-homage-to-the-reader-insert

Reader Insert Homage

@cuteciboulette

https://cuteciboulette.tumblr.com/post/652076342033170432/shinigamis-coming-to-town-d-duo-just

Duo Maxwell, doujinshi

Quotes:

@incorrectgundamwingquotes

https://incorrectgundamwingquotes.tumblr.com/post/652102805897805825/in-the-groupchat-trowa-why-tf-do-we-have-20

Trowa & WuFei

https://incorrectgundamwingquotes.tumblr.com/post/652356366558806016/heero-yeah-but-as-far-as-plans-go-this-is-not-a

Heero & Quatre

https://incorrectgundamwingquotes.tumblr.com/post/651830976331251712/duo-gesturing-to-heero-dont-worry-weve-got-an

Duo, Heero, & WuFei

Calendar Events:

@gundamzine

Rhythm Generation 2021

Meet the Mods: https://gundamzine.tumblr.com/post/636708854145613824/come-on-over-a-meet-your-2021-zine-mod-team-head

Check out the blog for the Zine schedule!

@gundam-wing-pride

Gundam Wing Pride 2k21 https://gundam-wing-pride.tumblr.com/post/648237909672083456/incoming-transmission-faq

A Beautiful Rainbow of Prompts https://gundam-wing-pride.tumblr.com/post/649898271517573120/a-beautiful-rainbow-of-prompts

@gwartserver

Month of WuFei https://gwartserver.tumblr.com/post/649995521569767424/month-of-wufei

Shooting Stars (online convention) https://gwartserver.tumblr.com/post/650013463432888320/once-upon-a-time-lifeaftermeteor-and-myself

@gwcocktailfriday

Cocktail Fridays!

Post responses on Friday, during Happy Hour between 3 & 5 pm in your own timezone.

Here’s the prompt for Friday, !

In need of Summer/Fall(Autumn) prompts!

(I’ll um... fix these when I have time to find more prompts.)

@gwlemonyshenanigans

May 23rd’s Submissions https://gwlemonyshenanigans.tumblr.com/post/651999227800600576/may-23rd-submission

May 24th’s Submissions https://gwlemonyshenanigans.tumblr.com/post/652131130827571200/may-24th-submissions

May 25th’s Submissions https://gwlemonyshenanigans.tumblr.com/post/652252350922342400/may-25th-submissions

May 26th’s Submissions https://gwlemonyshenanigans.tumblr.com/post/652312096032342016/may-26th-submissions

May 27th’s Submissions https://gwlemonyshenanigans.tumblr.com/post/652433653693136896/may-27th-submissions

May 28th’s Submissions https://gwlemonyshenanigans.tumblr.com/post/652434486286548992/may-28th-submission

May 29th’s Submissions https://gwlemonyshenanigans.tumblr.com/post/652648408588353536/may-29th-submissions

Friday Spotlight! https://gwlemonyshenanigans.tumblr.com/post/652439213602684928/the-lastspotlight-friday

@oztober-rust

Welcome to Oztober Rust

We’re an up and coming Gundam Wing event with a slight twist! This page is still a work in progress, but you’re welcome to join us over on discord and get a feel for the event.

Have discord, will fan. https://oztober-rust.tumblr.com/post/647568110262566912/i-see-a-nice-and-steady-following-we-do-have-a

@seasons-of-gundamwing

Summer Event Voting https://seasons-of-gundamwing.tumblr.com/post/646220556727877633/seasons-of-gundamwing-okay-wingers-its-time-to

@thisweekingundamevents

Events Calendar https://thisweekingundamevents.tumblr.com/post/644080386309275648/events-calendar-update

If you are hosting an event currently, or are planning on one, hit us up with links and dates! We’ll add them to the Calendar and reblog your notices to get the word out!

[rachelbethhines]

Tangled Salt Marathon - Happiness Is

This is possibly my favorite episode of season two. Yet, it is also the point the where the series starts to fall off a cliff. Only that’s not something that you would realize upon a first watch; just in hindsight and only with some basic knowledge of the behind the scenes drama that led to this and the fall out with the fandom that followed afterwards. 

Summary:  Rapunzel begins to feel homesick for Corona when she finds an old letter written by her father in one of the many lanterns sent from her previous birthdays. In attempts to uplift her spirits, Rapunzel explores the island and comes across a magical idol that brings instant happiness to whomever possesses it. Rapunzel begins to hallucinate her family and friends back in Corona and soon shares the idol with the rest of the group. However, everyone starts to become obsessive over the idol, desperately wanting it for themselves. Rapunzel tricks everyone into giving her the idol, but when the Lorbs try to help Rapunzel, they fall under the idol's control and soon begin to terrorize the village.

Let’s Start with the First Elephant in the Room; Frederic 

So throughout the episode Rapunzel is struggling with being homesick. Which is fair enough, that’s an understable reaction to being on the road for months by now. However, to showcase this Rapunzel keeps seeing hallucinations of her father. There are some other characters too, but her dad is the first person she sees and the only one in Corona with speaking lines. He’s the one to tempt her with the idol. 

Did we just forget that Frederic is her abuser? 

Look, even if you accept his apology in Secret of the Sundrop and believe he has learned his lesson, that doesn’t just erase the pain he caused her. Her thoughts about her father should be more realistically complex then this. Now add in how she makes a such a clean break from her other abuser, Gothel, but still holds him on a pedestal shows a disturbing bias on the part of the writers. 

Also where’s this love for Arianna? You know the only real mother on the show? The show that’s aimed at little girls? The one parent who hasn’t flat out abused the main character yet? 

Seriously, Chris, what the fuck? 

This is a Missed Opportunity 

So part of the reason why I like this episode is that we get insights into each of the characters and their desires. As such this is one of the few episodes where the group actual feels like a group friends. However, Cass’s vision is wasted here. 

So at first glance this seems to aline with what we know of the character thus far. She loves her dad and wishes to impress him. That’s only if you take season one into account, though. Later episodes will contradict this goal. If you wanted to set up praise and validation in general as Cassandra’s motives, then here is where that should have happened. 

Show her getting a medal, have cheering crowds surround her, have her be a hero, or something. You can’t claim her relationship with her parents as the driving force of behind her later actions if you don’t actually involve one of those parents as part of the resolution to her arc. 

Either she lacking attention from her dad or she’s jealous of Rapunzel. You can’t have it be both because those two things don’t intersect. Rapunzel is not and never was a threat to her relationship with her father. 

So Umm...I Don’t Think This Plot Point Has the Impact That the Writers Think It Does 

So this hilarious, and it is intended to be funny, but it’s not for the reasons that the show gives. 

The idea is that this is some shocking revelation. That Rapunzel would never do this under normal circumstances and it’s a hint that the idol is corrupting her. 

Only the rest of the series doesn’t aline with that at all. This is just the real Rapunzel behaving as the she normally would but without the usual veneer of excuses. 

It’s funny because it’s the show calling out Rapunzel hypocrisy for what it is plainly, not because it’s out of character. 

But funny only gets you so far. The show is perfectly happy to play up Rapunzel’s awfulness for laughs, but then conventily ignore it when it comes time for the characters themselves to call her out on it so that she can grow and learn.       

The show runs under the sitcom idea that comedy excuses all sins; which then backfires horribly when it tries to be serious and mature. 

You can’t joke that the king threw a random person in a stockade for little reason and then expect us to still like him when he persecutes a child. Same applies here. 

The sitcom set up only works when there is minimal at stake and all parties involved are equally awful in their own ways. 

Then Why Not Just Go Home?

Once again, there’s nothing at stake in season two. Rapunzel has no real reason to be on this trip. Nothing is stopping her from just going home if that’s what she wants. The idol only makes her happy because it shows her want she wants, but she could actually have what she wants as soon as the next ship arrives. So what’s the issue here? 

This is why you need external conflict in order to make internal conflicts work. There’s has to be something preventing the main character from achieving her goal or otherwise she just comes across as a dumbass. 

And Now Here Comes the Second Elephant; Varian 

I have several things to talk about here, and none of them actually concern the scene itself but the creator’s treatment of the character and the show’s fan base.

For you see, Chris did a very, very stupid thing.  

He wrote the character driving the plot out of the show. The character who also happens to be the most popular person in the series. Only to then use said character’s VA and this one cameo as promotion for this whole season. 

Needless to say, fans were disappointed.   

However, the Tangled fandom is exceedingly polite; more so than most. The lack of Varian was met mostly with confusion, and maybe a few off handed jokes, rather than anger. When opportunity arose people naturally had questions concerning the character.     

And that’s when Chris put his foot in mouth. 

This Tumblr post details how Chris got kicked off the Tangled The Series Discord by bullying a bunch of Varian fans while on there. 

https://starxapple.tumblr.com/post/617852117763391488/zhantiri-uuugh-fine-since-people-are-getting

I shan’t get into it fully, but for those who discovered the show after season two had aired, this caused a massive backlash from the fandom. 

A good chunk of the fandom just walked away, and rightly so. The few that stuck around despite these remarks found themselves harassed by certain sections of the fandom who saw Chris’s bullying as permission to pursue the same behavior. However, most importantly, the ratings plummeted. 

Season one hovered around the the 1 million mark, give or take a five point difference. The first part of season two dropped to half of that, and after this episode and the hiatus it sunk even lower, down to the mid-thirties. That’s over 20,000 people who just jumped ship over this. That’s not a normal decline. 

No matter what your personal feelings are of the character of Varian or how he was handled in the show, that’s still a massive PR fassico that cost the series big time. 

To add to this mountain of bullshit, there was also a massive walk out of crew members after season one had finished production. Most of them women. They even desperately threw out ‘we’re hiring’ calls to cover this. Which given that’s it’s Disney and that nepotism is usually how one gains employment in the entertainment industry, something unusual must have happened behind the scenes. Especially if most of the people who left were women. 

We’ll probably never know what really happened. People don't usually talk about behind the scenes stuff like that due to contracts and the aforementioned nepotism. However, all clues point to Varian.   

Something changed at the last minute concerning his story. Chris himself had confirmed as much when discussing the note and the Brotherhood. We also gotten other hints that content was edited out at the last minute. Plus the writing becomes more shoddy as the series goes along, showing how slapped dashed everything is together.  

Then there’s the rumors. 

I must stress to you that this is only a rumor. As pointed out earlier, most animators aren’t in a position to talk freely about what goes on behind the scenes. Do NOT harass them over it or make things awkward by asking them to clarify this. However it’s been suggested that the female crew warned Chris that removing Varian from season two and re-writing his story, along with making Cass the villain, would be a bad idea before they left and Chris didn’t listen. Much to his folly. 

Chris is no longer a Disney employee and has yet to move on to any other projects. He says he left, but I more suspect that Disney just didn't renew his contract and no one has picked him up since. I take no joy in the idea that someone may have lost their job, but if true, then Chris has little to blame but himself. 

So What Did Change?

We don't know anything for sure. We know from discussions about the note that there was a proposed Brotherhood plot that involved Varian that was then cut. There was also talks about a Cass and Varian team up in season three. 

This was then changed to the Saporian take over, which is foreshadowed in this scene. However even that got edited down and under the flimsiest of excuses. 

One of the writers, Ricky, suggested that they thought cutting back to Corona would be too confusing for the audience; which is a load of bull. I mean how poorly do you think of your audience’s comprehension skills that they wouldn’t understand a change of scene or a flashback? Yet you fully expect them to pick up on your lazy foreshadowing involving the mirror? So much so that you sent them on a quest to find it between seasons two and three.

Then there’s this gem from Chris. 

Ok ignoring the fact that you so totally could have featured both Gothel and Varian, seeing as they serve two different functions in the story and mean different things to Rapunzel.... What guilt?!!! 

Rapunzel doesn’t ever act guilty over anything involving her treatment of Varian. 

That’s when you realize Chris isn’t talking about her feeling guilty about Varian’s predicament. He’s saying that Rapunzel feels guilty of leaving her father behind with this ‘dangerous’ criminal. Which is a big fuck you to everyone. 

That’s why Frederic is the center focus of Rapunzel’s hallucinations. Why she’s more concerned for his safety over Varian’s trauma. Chris really be out here trying to use the abused 14/15 year old orphan as a scapegoat for the grown ass dictator who ruined countless lives. Because he thinks a grown woman should feel guilty for leaving her abusive father behind and pursuing her life’s dream.

Dude, I try not to assume the worst of people just cause they write fictional characters that I dislike, but Chris really makes things hard not to when he treats his self insert this way. 

Oh but we’re not done yet. 

When Varian Fans Complain About the Lack of Varian; We’re Complaining About the Lack of a Coherent Plot. 

Certain sections of the fandom, bolstered by Chris’s BS, try to act like simply being a Varian fan is grounds for dismissal of any criticism of the show and it’s writing. As if having personal preference for something makes you automatically ‘entitled’ or some such bull. Yet doing so ignores the fundamental complaint that they are making. 

We’re not whining about our favorite character not getting enough screen time. No one would have complained about his lack of presence in season two if they had properly resolved his story in season three and had Chris not been a dick to the fans. But it becomes evidently clear as the series goes along that removing Varian left a major hole in the plot. One that makes the entire story and the rest of characters suffer as well. 

Think season two is boring? That’s cause they cut out their main villain at the last minute and failed to replace him with anything. 

Upset that Hookfoot was brought along for zero reason?  He’s the replacement character for Varian who no doubt was going to appear in season two originally. 

Wish there was more on the Brotherhood and the Dark Kingdom?  Their story impact was greatly reduced when Varian was written out.

Are you a Eugene fan and mad about how the Dark Prince plot went nowhere?  That’s cause the original Brotherhood/Dark Kingdom plot was dropped when Varian was.

Dislike how Cassandra’s character was ruined with her villain arc?  She was originally meant to be possessed but was changed last minute to be a Varian rip-off in the hopes that she would gain some of his popularity.   

Wish Zhan Tiri, Demantius, and the Disciples actually went somewhere and that ZT had coherent plan?   That plot were changed last minute to make Zhan Tiri a scapegoat for Cassandra now that her story was changed to replace Varian.

And of course let’s not ignore the character who suffers the most from lack of Varian.... Rapunzel. 

Chris’s defense for leaving Varian out of S2 is that it’s “Rapunzel’s Story” and that Varian was only ever a plot device meant to push her along on her quest.  Which means that Rapunzel no longer has anyone pushing her along on her quest!!!

All characters are plot devices. If they aren’t there to serve a story function then they need to be cut. Even Rapunzel herself serves a plot function. She’s meant to be the protagonist of a coming of age story. Which means she needs both an external conflict to face and an emotional arc where she grows as a person. Varian is the plot device that serves both of those functions but he’s now been removed and is no longer allowed to serve his original purpose. 

Chris reached into the machine while it was running and pulled out one of the main gears and acted like he always meant to do that. He legit sat there and pretended that everything was running smoothly even as smoke poured out and warring alarms blared. He then tried to shove bubble gum in its place hoping no one would notice as everything fell apart around him. 

Cause he’s the thing; no idea is without merit. It’s all about presentation. Removing Varian from season three still could have worked, but it required A.) replacing him with another foe and B.) making sure his arc still got a proper conclusion. 

I’ll talk more about Varian’s half-arsed redemption when we get to it; but for now let's focus on the more immediate problem. No one thought to give season two an actual overarching conflict in light of Varian’s absence. 

That’s a fundamental oversight that pretty much signals that season two was re-written at the last minute. You have an overarching plot in an action adventure show but no main adversary? I refuse to believe that everyone involved was too stupid to do that on purpose; but if they were rushed and lacked a crew because they walked out due to last minute story changes....yeah that’d I buy. 

Because there’s more than enough options to go around; Lady Caine, The Baron and Styalan, Hector and/or Adria, Zhan Tiri’s Disciples ect. were all options. So was keeping the rocks a threat, or have Cass start her villian arc earlier; with proper motivation this time. They could have even come up with someone entirely new. 

You had over four years to plan this shit out; why is it not more well put together?! 

How Come Rapunzel Can Easily Admit Fault to Pascal But Not Anyone Else? 

Pascal should have sat perched on Varian’s and Eugene’s shoulders giving Rapunzel ‘I’m done with this’ looks all throughout season three. It’s apparently the only thing that she responds to. 

Why is the untalkative camelanion the only one allowed to call out the main character’s BS without going villain? 

Conclusion

That’s all there really is to talk about in this story. The actual episode itself is good. It’s the behind the scenes crap that bubbles underneath its surface that needed to be discussed. That way when going forward with the marathon you’ll better see what I’m talking about when I explain how future episode suffered from the lack of planning and foresight. 

[dearcat1]

2,3,6,16,18,20

I have gone totally nuts, but, well, I also want to know 🙈😂

Don't worry! I'm all for being asked questions!

2. Favorite piece overall?

Hu, I think my baby, right now is Ameliorate which is the first part of the contract-verse series. It hasn't been published yet but I've been working on it for about a year, it's like a trilogy. Each part is long enough to be a book and I'm proud of how it's coming along. I like reading the later parts of it and noting just how far both Xanxus and Tsuna evolve in the length of the story.

Published? I think that would be The Dragon Prince and his Consort. I don't even know why, it just brings me so much joy but that one is only in Ko-Fi. If we're going by one that's open to everybody, I think that would be either The Thrill or Isolation. I like the dynamics in them.

3. Which was the hardest to write, in terms of plot?

That'd be Ameliorate, too. Funnily enough, when I first wrote it, it was going to be a 7 chapter long smutty story without much plot. And then, when I read it again my brain went: wait a minute, wait. What about all the political shifts here? The drama? The relationship development? The emotional evolution? So then it became a little bit of a struggle about moving the pieces of all those other points around a story that was going to be only seven chapters long. But then it ended up being too long so I decided that it would be divided into a series.

Which means, 4 plots. One overall plot of the entire story itseld and 3 plots of each part of the series. And so I had to rewrite everything again. Yikes, it's made me scream into the void but I'm also so happy with how it's coming along.

6. Idea that you always wanted to write but could never make work?

I guess there's a lot of somewhat darker themes that I would like to explore. Mostly as I deal with my own mental health and realize some things, I would like to put some of those thoughts into paper and watch them flow, almost like an outsider looking in and yet I have rarely managed to finish a story like that. Mostly because it becomes too much sometimes but also because I get worried that people are going to come after me for 'romanticizing' this or the other. Which it's not, it never is. It's just me trying to work through it, express myself.

16. 3 favorite comments ever received on fanfic.

I answered that one here. I'd answer again but trying to save people from having a truly more monstrously long post in their dash...

18. If you could go back and revise one of your older stories, which would it be?

Mizuiro, the information broker. Without a doubt. I like the story but it feels almost unfinished to me and I feel like my writing has evolved to the point where I could do a much better job of it now.

20. Go nuts, and talk about writing.

Holy shit, why put me in the spotlight like this? Hahahaha.

If I had to babble about writing, I'd complain. I'll be honest, I love writing. It's probably one of the skills I'm the proudest of. I love sharing it with other people and learning just how to convey the image in my head properly. It takes over me, however, which is something that I have a love-hate relationship with. I can be trying to sleep and this entire fully-fledged story decides that nope, it's writing time. And then when you get to writing it, in the hopes of getting to bed at some point, you note that this is scene #37 and you need to somehow write all the other scenes leading up to it and then all the other ones after that.

I think there are people out there that are writers because they sit down and make the conscious decision to do it and then there are writers like me who write out of self-preservation because we started one day and writing didn't let us go after that.

That said, I am thankful for that. During quarantine, writing is the one thing that kept me somewhat sane. It's an interesting ability because depending on which character you're writing, which moment in their life they are in, you have to more or less enter somebody else's mind and try to understand them, deep down. Who are they? What moves them? Why? Are they even making decisions or just reacting to the world around them?

When I write Xanxus, for example, and I'm doing his inner monologue about something that really pulls his strings, sometimes I have to stand up and pace in my room because I get so fucking angry. And yet he's my absolute favourite, I don't know what that says about me. Or Reborn, Reborn's inner thoughts can be so cold. He's an old man, trapped in this body that's not his and he's probably been a hitman for so long that he doesn't really remember how to be anything other than that. I think that even if he can be incredibly kind, in the back of his mind, he always is a hitman. It doesn't get turned off.

So when I try to understand his character, write about him and his thoughts, I tend to think of his love as something cold and possessive, even if the emotion itself is warm. I think he's the sort of person who can look at people around him and make a calculated assessment of those who surround him. Is it worth the inconvenience to kill them? Is the reward worth the unpaid hit? If he lets them die by their own stupidity, what will that mean for him? It takes a special kind of man to be both unaffiliated and so clearly respected by whole ass organizations. So on and so forth.

There's this scene in Ameliorate where Reborn notes that Timoteo just set off a domino event that is going to eventually lead to his death. Not any time soon, Reborn could avoid this, could warn him, could reel his student in. He doesn't even think about the possibility. All he thinks about the matter is that it's a shame. Old friends are hard to come by but Timoteo should have known better.

Human nature, in itself, fascinates me, simply by how diverse it is. So I love that, I play with that. If this happens, how would Xanxus, Tsuna, or whatever character I'm looking at react to that? What would they think? How do they feel about t? To a great extent, that's what my writing is about. That and the fluff. Because it makes me smile while I write it, too.

[2manyfandoms2count]

You can count on me (I will be there for you)

Alya joins the identity dance, and the chapters flirt with the 2k mark again (it’s fine).

Hope you enjoy!

Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 | AO3

---

Chapter 4

Chat Noir detransforms as he lands into Marinette’s room, and goes straight for her sewing box. He knows the code for it; Ladybug had made sure he did after she’d started to find the blackmail letters, in case anything happened to her.

Not that they use it much, these days, mind you.

The Miraculous box unfolds before him, and he swiftly picks up the Fox and the Horse Miraculouses. He’s about to close it when his eyes land on the Turtle bracelet, and he pauses. Even though it would probably be better to have as few people involved as possible, he has to say it might be a good idea to have some backup, just in case.

He mentally scans the guest list. Alix already has her Miraculous with her, and he knows she’ll use it if needed. Luka’s Second Chance could come in useful, but he’s performing with Kitty Section. It would be a little tricky to camouflage his costume on stage, especially with Alya’s Mirage otherwise occupied. Chloé would surely be ecstatic at the idea of seeing Pollen again, but Adrien isn’t sure that she would be very discreet about it. Same for Kim and Xuppu.

This leaves Nino and Kagami, his best people. Calm, collected, trustworthy. He shoves their Miraculouses in his pocket, closes the box and dashes out of the door. He doesn’t know exactly what their role could be, but he knows that having the Miraculouses on him can only buy some time later.

He slows down as he walks into the reception room, nodding to a few acquaintances his father had insisted should be there, and grabs a canapé from a waiter’s tray as his eyes search the room for his wife’s best friend. He spots her in the middle of a conversation with Marinette, next to the head table, and makes a beeline for them.

“Hello, beautiful ladies.” He clears his throat as he approaches.

“And hello to you, Hot Stuff.” Alya winks and elbows Marinette in the ribs. The bride blushes a deep shade of crimson at the reminder of the time she’d stolen Adrien’s phone, and starts to regret asking Alya to be her Maid of Honour. I’m going to die of embarrassment before the end of the toasts, aren’t I? Her head shake says.

“Marinette, would you mind if I borrowed Alya for a minute?”

“Please, do.” She all but pushes her friend towards her husband, who smiles and starts leading her towards the edge of the room.

“Actually, Adrien?” Marinette calls out before they’re too far away. He turns around and sees her jog up to him.

“Erm… Have you seen Chat Noir yet?” She whispers, looking around them carefully to make sure nobody’s listening. Alya’s eyebrows shoot up and Marinette gestures that she’ll explain later.

“Yes!” Adrien nods. “You can count on me, after the toasts.”

“Okay, good.” Marinette lets out a relieved sigh. “Just wanted to check. I’ll leave you two to it.”

“See you later, love.” He leans in and kisses her on the cheek, ‘for appearances’.

“Y-yeah, sounds good.” She blushes again, her hand flying to her cheek as she watches him and Alya leave. Kwami, his acting is smooth.

“Aw, look at my girl, she’s just as flustered as when we were in collège!” Alya coos, glancing back at Marinette once they’re out of earshot. She waves at her, and Marinette waves back nervously before starting to talk with a guest. “What’s this about Chat Noir though?” She turns towards Adrien and looks him in the eye.

“Actually, he’s what I want to talk to you about.” He shuffles awkwardly on his feet, trying to find the right words. “But first, I need you to promise this conversation will stay between us. No telling Marinette, or anyone.”

“Not even Nino?” Alya clutches her heart. She can keep Miraculous secrets from the public, but she feels bad keeping things from her fiancé.

“Nino will know part of it soon enough, I promise. The rest is something I’ll only tell him once I’ve told Marinette.”

She pouts pensively, weighing satisfying her curiosity against lies of omission.

“I guess that’s alright.” She finally shrugs, and her eyes widen hungrily at the smell of a scoop. “So, what’s wrong with Chat Noir? And what does it have to do with Marinette?”

“Well, I wouldn’t call it a problem, per se, in normal circumstances, but today…”

“Spill it, Agreste.”

“Okay.” Adrien takes a deep breath. “You know how Ladybug is dating Chat Noir?”

“Duh, I was the one who uncovered that story.” She says with a smug smile. Adrien rolls his eyes, an amused smile playing on his lips. It had occurred to him later that Ladybug had made sure it was Alya who found out first, as if to soften the blow of keeping her identity from her later.

“Well, it turns out that…” Adrien looks around them quickly, just to make sure there are no ears lying around, and his voice drops to a whisper. “Marinette is Ladybug.”

“What? ” Alya’s shriek is muffled by Adrien’s hand.

“Shh, this is confidential info, we don’t want people to come poking around.”

Alya blinks, then closes her eyes and takes a deep breath. She takes her time to formulate a coherent sentence, although Adrien can tell from her slight nervous twitching that her thoughts must be all over the place.

When it looks like she's gotten over the news enough that she can control the volume of her voice, he moves his hand away from her mouth.

“So, Marinette is… you-know-who. Okay. This is fine. I can handle it. I just… I was obsessed with her! How did I not notice she was literally right there, next to me, the whole time!!” She facepalms.

“Tell me about it.” Adrien smiles. He'd had the same mini meltdown after he and Ladybug had parted ways on the day she'd called off her transformation in front of him. He’d sat in front of Marinette for years , and never suspected a thing. At least, he thought so. There was something about calling her their everyday Ladybug that had come back to mind when he’d dug deeper in his memories… But he would be lying if he said it had been intentional.

“But… If she’s who you say she is… She’s been seen kissing Chat Noir very recently, while you guys were dating. So, no offense, but… why would she be marrying you? Shouldn’t she be marrying Chat Noir? Unless…” She gasps and points at him. “ You’re Chat Noir!”

Adrien smiles at his friend's excellent deduction skills. “Well, see, this is where it gets complicated. You are correct in saying that I am Chat, but , Marinette doesn’t know that.”

“What? But why?” Alya frowns in confusion.

“The good old ‘no reveal’ rule.” He shrugs. “Long story short, Ladybug is being blackmailed. She revealed her identity to me because she figured it would be better this way. I -Chat Noir- offered to act as her bodyguard until we got to the bottom of it all, but she refused because she doesn’t want to know who I am, in case everything goes wrong. She wasn't sure where to get protection from, though, so I offered the Adrien Agreste option, since I have a bodyguard. Match made in heaven, really.”

“Dayum.” Alya looks at him blankly, taking the time to process his explanation. “So, to sum up: you guys are involved in a fake, fake-wedding situation, where Marinette thinks she married her ex-crush for benefits, instead of the love of her life, when you were the same person all along?” She smirks. “Boy, I wish I’d known that before writing my toast, I would have made so many allusions to it… I would have kept it discreet enough that she wouldn’t have understood, of course, but the satisfaction of her connecting the dots later would’ve been amazing.”

“Don’t worry, I took care of that in my own speech.” He winks. He plans on keeping a phone nearby to record it, so he can play it back to her when she knows everything and have her see how genius it was.

“Okay, now. I’m guessing you didn’t just tell me this to get it off your chest.” Alya clears her throat.

“Indeed. Something happened earlier, and Marinette thinks that the people who are blackmailing her are my father and Nathalie.”

“No offense, but that would check out.”

“None taken, I feel the same way.” He pats her shoulder, lips spreading into a tight smile. “Anyway, we’re going to go back to the Mansion to look for evidence after the toasts, and we’ll probably need Rena Rouge to come out of retirement to make sure there are ‘sightings’ of us here while we’re gone. I'm sure Marinette will tell you all about that part of the plan herself, but before that, I need your help because Marinette wants to speak to Chat Noir and Adrien.”

“Oof. She really isn’t making it easy for you to keep your identity a secret, huh.” Alya chuckles.

“Nope.” He smiles as he digs his hands into his pockets. “But it was bound to happen at some point, I’m actually surprised I managed to dodge the situation for so long. You wouldn’t believe the number of times she wanted to have dinner with Chat Noir and Adrien so we could all discuss the plan.”

“Typical Marinette, to overlook the potential awkwardness of having her boyfriend and her fake fiancé together if she’s working on something.” Alya shakes her head.

“Tell me about it." He chuckles, looking at the ground. His wife really is something else, and he loves her for it. "So, are you up for it?”

“Of course!” Alya replies, eyes twinkling as Adrien hands her the necklace. She slips it in her purse with a satisfied smile. “You can count on me.”

“I never doubted that.” Adrien smiles back, and turns back towards the room.

“I just have one question, though.” Alya holds him back before he can start walking away.

“Yes?”

“Why me? I mean… It’s been a while, and… Why not get your cousin to do it? You guys are pretty much carbon copies of each other, physically speaking, wouldn’t it be easier?”

Adrien pauses. “Maybe in theory, but unlike him, I trust you.”

“Ooh, family drama.” She rubs her hands together. “Why did I assume there wouldn’t be any today?”

“Wishful thinking?” He jokes. “Anyway, I'll give you the signal to Mirage a nice little Adrien later. And then if you could bring the necklace back discreetly so that Marinette doesn’t suspect anything, that would be great.”

“Aye, aye, captain.”

Both head back towards the centre of the room, Adrien finding his way to Marinette’s side, and Alya to Nino’s.

Alya grabs a champagne flute and a knife. She nods at Adrien knowingly before she clinks them together, a sly smile spreading to her lips.

The toasts sure are going to be fun.

[rosesnink]

Plan B, Chapter 2: A Mother’s Sins

Author’s Notes

*English is not my first language, so please forgive me any typos and/or grammar mistakes 

*All the characters minus my OC Samantha belong to Pixelberry Studios 

*If this is your first time stumbling upon my work and are interested in this au, please check out Plan B’s masterlist with previous works and my general masterlist! 

Summary: Two months after the happenings of the announcement, Sam and Ernest find out the sex of their baby and memories about Sam’s childhood flood back. 

Word Count: 3620 

Seven years ago 

Samantha sat beside her gravely ill mother, pale-looking and weak at the fancy hospital. She was holding her hand while she looked pensively at the ceiling, her graze lost. Samantha sighed, trying to get her attention. 

"Is something the matter, mother?"

After a silent minute, her mother Mary looked at her and stroked her cheek "My dearest Sam, my beautiful baby girl. You are my greatest gift in this world, alongside your brother Harry and your adoptive brother Edmund. You three had been my anchor and reason of happiness, but we must embrace the truth." 

"Mother—."

"I am dying, Samantha. And there is nothing we can do about it. But I can help you so you don't end up like me. I've already unburdened my heart to your brother Harry and Edmund, now I must do so with you." 

"Mother, what is the meaning of this?"

"Sammy, I loved your father, truly. But during almost 46 years, his sense of duty was between us, even when I got pregnant with you. We loved each other, but between Edgewater and me, Edgewater came first. I felt so lonely, surrounded by nobles who didn't want me here and weren't certainly welcome. I fear I brought shame onto this family, but you, my girl, you will be our salvation. I know it's too much to ask, but marry someone who you think can make you happy and with a suitable rank. It is the only way." 

"Mother that is… a bit old-fashioned." 

"I know, but think about it. But before that, make me the happiest of women and get that medical degree so at least you've got a living if anything goes wrong." 

"I—I will consider your words, Mother." She kissed her hands. 

"One more thing. Never marry a man who doesn't know who he is or what he wants in his life. Because, even with all the money and power in the world, it will be a shallow, sad life, even if you do love him." 

"I promise I will follow your counsel, mother." 

She kissed her hand "I know you will."

Samantha woke up, that dream feeling too real. She sighed as she remembered well her mother's last days before she left them. Even when she was dying and Henrietta was trying to impress her father, she never went after her or tried to demonize her or poor Edmund. It was her who encouraged Vincent to move on from her. She didn't know the whole story, but she knew that Henrietta and Vincent had an understanding. What the understanding was, she didn't know.

She looked at the clock: it was four in the morning, an hour before she was due to wake up uni day. 

After not going for weeks, she decided that it was time for her to go and talk to the principal and her counselor: one of the many emails she had were from them, after all. 

She got a hot shower, brushed her teeth, put on some soft makeup and comfortable clothes, and got something light to eat before messaging her classmates that she was on her way to uni. 

"Ah, Miss Foredale, at long last we get a sight of you! Please, take a seat."

Principal Gray invited, a warm smile on her face "Your father called me, saying that you were sick, but I must hear your version,"

Sam chewed her lip before asking "Will this be between us and the counselor?" 

"If that is your wish. You're almost twenty-six years old, Samantha. You've been in your right to demand to keep things to ourselves since you turned eighteen." 

She nodded before she looked at the principal and confessed "The reason why I didn't attend class wasn't a sickness… the thing is, I'm pregnant, Mrs. Gray." 

Her eyebrows shoot so up she feared they might fly away, but quickly coughed politely before asking "And… what is your plan? Should you wish to either keep it or abort, you have our support." 

"After a long talk with the father and pondering what is better for me, I have decided to keep it." 

She smiled at her warmly before getting that stern look she always had "You do realize what having a child takes and means?" 

"I do, Mrs. Gray." 

"And you're aware of the changes that come within the pregnancy?" 

"Uh… a bit?" She seemed now a bit scared. 

Thankfully, Mrs. Gray was a kind lady and patted her on her hand before she began to speak, her stare years away "I was a bit older when I first got my son. I have to say that my husband then wasn't a good man: he was the typical bad husband who didn't even blink at the news of having a son, saying that I just did the bare minimum by giving him 'what he was owed'. Nevertheless, I was so happy when my Christopher was born… Pregnancy can indeed be tricky, but many pregnancies can be even pleasant to go through. My sister-in-law had a better pregnancy than I had, and she had triplets. Her skin and hair glowed and barely had any pains, all the pain she had was in the birth." 

"I guess getting three whole humans out of your system can be highly exhausting." 

"What I want to say is, that I understand your fears: you're scared, without a close female figure to give you counsel, but don't worry, I shall dial an old alumnus of mine that has turned out to be a brilliant doctor, specialized in young women's pregnancies. You're welcome to bring the father with you, but she shall not judge you if you come alone," she lowered her tone, an amusing tone on her face "just be careful with the pregnant Karens and her mob of conservative mums while waiting for the doctor to call. The less you interact with them, the better." 

Sam giggled, now more relaxed than before. They talked a bit more before she gave her the number of said doctor and proceeded to go to the counselor's office, where they figured out a plan of what to do as her pregnancy advanced.

Before class, she messaged Ernest, inviting him to come with her to the doctor's appointment. He got the message but didn't read it. She shrugged –perhaps he was busy.

During the day, Hamid messaged her too and even Annabelle wanted to know how was her first day at uni being pregnant. At the break, she video called Annabelle and talked for a bit, laughing while they enjoyed their lattes, forgetting for once the drama outside cooking. A kind classmate whispered to watch the newspaper's gossip section. 

Viscountess of Foredale, possible romance with dashing Turkish diplomat?! 

She read the section with eyes wide: 

This past week has been eventful for the Earl of Edgewater. Not only his daughter and heir have been hospitalized for the night, but also we have seen a glimpse of her gallivanting around with the dashing Turkish diplomat, Hamid Osmanoglu! Seems like the Viscountess stopped trailing on the widower Mr. Ernest Sinclaire of Ledford Park and found herself a new man who pays her attention? 

If you don't believe me, here's a photo of them sharing a kiss no less after what seemed like a very interesting conversation! Will sparks fly? Or will he as well get bored of this spinster? Talk to me, my dear readers! Are you team Hamid or team Ernest? 

Samantha put the newspaper down, and annoyance scoff on her face. Who the hell were these people anyway? Couldn't she have a bit of peace for one damn minute? 

She felt a bit of shame for poor Ernest, and Hamid too. She bit the inside of her cheek before calling Ernest first, who picked the phone after four sounding rings

"Yes?"

"Ernest, may I know if you've seen the gossip newspaper yet?" 

"Not personally, but my secretary informed me." 

She sighed, biting her lip "I'm sorry… I didn't mean to barge you into unnecessary drama," 

"I know you meant well, Samantha. It's enraging how they paint you," she could almost picture his annoyed scowl "calling you that, it's an outrage! Have they not got any respect for you?" 

"Thank you for your concern. But you know this kind of people. They love to add fuel to the fire and cause drama over nothing," 

"It's not an excuse to shame a woman for having free will over her life." 

Samantha's heart warmed at how little he cared about how they painted him. When he was a teenager, he was painted as an unreachable cheeky boy. Then, his parents died during a visit to the Emirates and everything changed. He married Roselyn rather young –he was then 23—and closed off to everyone, including her father, who he always saw as a second father. He was then one of the most tragic men in London. Samantha tried to be there for him, but Roselyn didn't help. It was like she wanted him clueless. Then she found out that she was seeing the creepy duke and tried to warn him, but again, Roselyn kicked her out. She wondered what happened the year before her death, why did they just… disappeared. There were many rumors indeed, but she waited and waited every day to hear from him, but it didn't happen until he showed up at a party only to talk businesses. She tried to get something out of him by dancing, but he was stiff and silent all the time. Something grave indeed happened. And she knew it was Roselyn's fault. Ernest here was the victim. She didn't hear of them after they departed to Scotland and then, all they knew was that she had died a week ago and Ernest was preparing himself for the burial. 

During those weeks, she was there for him, and then one night she asked him out and he accepted. And then, that same night, they conceived their child… Sam touched her growing belly thoughtfully. It has been two months ever since and they have gone out, going on revisions as well. She answered the phone again as Ernest's concerned voice called for her again "Sorry, I zoned out. What did you say again?" 

"I was asking if I may accompany you to today's appointment with the doctor." 

"Oh, I'd love to! But your work—,"

"Can wait. I want to be there for you both and make some questions of my own to the doctor," 

She nodded before they planned where to meet and they both hung up. Sam went to some more classes and activities before excusing herself. She barely came out of the uni's doors when Ernest's familiar car parked there, him looking at her rather nervously. She smiled at him reassuringly and hopped into the car, both in silence. 

"So, did the baby give you any trouble?" 

"Not at all, the baby behaved well and barely gave me any pain. I think my hair and skin had gotten softer and shinier," Sam said proudly. Ernest looked at her before looking again at the road.

"I do see you shining. Maybe pregnancies aren't always so bad," 

"Did your mom have a difficult pregnancy with you?" 

"…Not exactly." 

She took the hint that he didn't wish to speak about it and remained in silence. At some point, Ernest turned on the radio and a beautiful melody resonated in the car. He explained to her that soothing classical music was good for the unborn baby's development and Sam wanted to swoon. He did his research about pregnancies, despite them being nothing. But they were, somehow. She and her baby had their room in his home and one being built and painted in Ledford. This was real. She and Ernest would be co-parenting despite their history together, and Sam couldn't feel happier. She smiled at him before getting into the hospital's parking and in front of the maternity wing. He opened the door to Samantha and offered courteously his arm, but Sam rejected it with a chuckle "I'm pregnant of almost three months, Ernest, not chronically ill," 

"I know, I just want to show my support… and make sure you don't have any dizziness. Hospitals tend to do that…" 

"…Very well then." She took his arm and they both got into the facility, gasps, and whispers everywhere. Some photos being made. But neither of them cared. 

"Lady Samantha Foredale?" The nurse called. They both got up and the nurse-led them to the cozy and comfortable room, with a soothing blue with little teddy bears and some promotional photos of breastfeeding and new-borns. 

"Doctor," Ernest asked "is it correct that at this rate we will be able to see if it's a girl or a boy?" 

"Yes, indeed. This is why today's session is one of the most important… and magical." She winked "Please do ask the questions you need," 

"If Samantha keeps being a healthy expectant, the option of a C-section might be off the list?" 

The nurse looked at him as she wandered on her belly "Well, Miss Foredale has the luck to have our best doctors at her disposal and the privilege of a nutritionist controlling what she eats and much more, but even the best doctor cannot predict how the birth might be. It is a spontaneous act. Some of them are long and exhausting, some of them only last twenty minutes and there is barely any pain… birth is complicated to explain. You see, the human body can only endure forty-five unities of pain. When a woman gives birth, the unities increase to fifty-seven unities, which is the equivalent to twenty broken bones." Ernest's eyes went wide "but you needn't worry! Thanks to the evolution in terms of birth and the appearance of the epidural, women suffer much less in birth. Don't worry, sir, she's in the hands of the experts. Some of our doctors are apprentices of the Queen's delivery doctors and nurses, just as the Princes and Dukes of England." 

Samantha took his hand and squeezed it "I know I'm safe and in good hands. Believe it too, Ernest," 

"You're the med student, Sam. If I can believe in someone's judgment in health, that's you." 

They both smiled before the nurse called their attention and said "Well, Mr. Sinclaire and Lady Samantha… you're going to be parents of a healthy baby girl," 

Sam gasped in delight as Ernest's eyes went wide before smiling, overjoyed " A girl… I don't think I can be happier right now…" 

He lifted his hand, wordless permission to touch her belly and feel the kicks of his girl and she nodded, and he gasped at her vivid kicks. "You feel that?" 

"I—I do," He beamed. 

"By the way, Lady Samantha, may I interest you in ovum donation? You have so many and it could change some women's lives…" 

"Dad, we're home and we have news about the baby!" Sam called at her family's attention in the house. 

Edmund and Harry rushed to her, just as Dominique and Henrietta, and they all bombarded her with questions about today's appointment. They all knew that it was the gender reveal's day. 

"Everyone, leave poor Sam some space! She called for me, after all," Vincent's voice resonated all over the place. They all did as he asked and clasped his hands on hers "So, what will be? A boy? A girl?" 

She placed his hand on her belly "A vivid girl, father." 

He beamed before hugging her, careful of her belly as Harry congratulated her and Edmund gave her a side hug of his. Grandmother and granddaughter embraced and Henrietta gave her a stiff nod "Better luck next time, I guess." 

"Enough, Henrietta. A girl in the family brings the same joy as a boy. We are, after all, in the 21st century. Gender does not matter," 

Henrietta huffed as they all showered her in congratulations, Ernest in a corner, lingering awkwardly. Vincent noticed and they both hugged "You have now two girls with Mills temper. Watch out, old friend." Vincent teased. 

Ernest chuckled "I think I can manage just fine with that temper," 

"Now, why don't we speak as we take our tea? Our cook has made some marvelous pastries with whipped cream and honey that you'll simply love…" 

Hamid waited patiently on the porch as he checked the hour. He had come early to receive her and leaned on his car, looking good for his dinner with Samantha. She told him over the phone hours ago that she'd be the mother of a girl and he got excited. People always teased him that if he fathered a girl, he'd have to deal with eight women: his mother, his sisters, his future wife, and his future daughter.

He did not mind at all. Sure, he liked the idea of having a boy too – he loved children in general – but he was so used to being around girls and women that sometimes that had caused trouble, but he wouldn't change a single thing of it. He adored his sisters and his mother was an important figure in his life, and he was willing to be a second father to Sam's girl if she chose him. They had gone to dates so far and sneaked a few innocent kisses, careful of paparazzi and her growing belly. She wasn't meant to grow it much until halfway her third month, but everyone had noticed now her belly and had asked her a lot of questions about who was the father and if she wanted to marry the man in question, and the Dowager Countess had handled it flawlessly, though he did tell his mother and elder sister, Nesrim, about the whole situation that he had accidentally drawn attention to Istanbul's newspapers.

Though they argued for hours, they both agreed that Hamid had decided to participate in the baby's life somehow and nothing would change his mind. However, his middle sister Hande had begged him to advise him in nursing a new-born – she had recently triplets, boys to be exact, his new nephews—and was dying to play too part in family's chatters about how pregnancies could be either barely noticeable to torture. His elder sister had now two children: a boy and a girl, his nephew was eight while his niece was six. He video-called them often and they both said that he was the coolest uncle, which boasted greatly his ego – and he had sufficient ego to give to some insecure girls—or at least Sam teased so. 

Sam finally came down the small stairs in a floral dress with her small bump showing, a beaming smile on her face. He smiled at her and kissed her hand.

"Shall we, my lady?"

She nodded before she got into the car, driving away to the restaurant he had reserved: the best Turkish restaurant in all of London. It was one of his last chances to show her London before she retired to the countryside to rest for the rest of her pregnancy to avoid stress or drama that some snooty nobles and press wanted to bring. He'd be joining her in his state, just thirty minutes away from Edgewater, but he was excited nonetheless. 

This adventure had just begun. 

Twenty-one years ago 

Mrs. Mary Foredale, Countess of Edgewater, held her toddler daughter in her arms as she had a bit of rest of her restless new-born son, Harry, the girls playing with her dolls. She looked at her "Sammy, my darling, what are you dolls up to?" 

"Shh! Ken is going to propose to Barbie!" Little Sam shushed. Mary chuckled before paying attention to the proposal. 

Minutes after, Sam reached to sit on her lap as she called her husband "Vincent, love? Oh, he's reunited. When will he come back from work? Oh… I see. Nothing, just tell him that his wife and daughter send him a hug. Right, Sammy?" Sam shouted at the phone.

"I love you, Daddy!" She hung up and Sam looked at her mother questioningly "Mother, why did you marry Papa?" 

"Because I loved him. I still do," 

"Then why are you so sad?" 

Mary sighed. She knew this day would come. She has prayed that it'd delay a bit longer. 

"You see, my girl, love is the biggest and purest source of all. But when one doesn't nurture the plant of love, it will fade away. Your father works so much, and I cannot maintain this plant on my own." 

"So… that means that having a husband sucks?" 

"It should not. But do one thing for me, my girl, and before you marry, be certain that the man you love is capable of nurturing your little plant of love, or else it shall have grave consequences. Marrying an uncommitted man is an enormous sin that women do all the time. Be wiser than that, my darling Sammy. Promise me." 

"I promise, Mom," 

Sixteen years later, Vincent and his two children sat on a hospital chair, weeping silently for the Countess's death. Sam pretended not to notice, but she heard her father whisper angrily to himself "I should have put Mary first. I should have been the husband and father she needed me to be. Now she's dead because of my absence." 

That day, Sam learned that you never truly appreciated something until you have let go of it. Right there, the nineteen-year-old woman promised herself that she wouldn't settle down to any man that wasn't willing to nurture every day their love, should that man ever come… 

She would not commit her mother's sins.