#and it's conveniently so simple and straightforward!

[suffarustuffaru]

Fate is on your side today! Meet Otto Suwen, a simple man with the simple dream of opening his own store, while the only obstacle in his path is fate hating him so bad that his luck needs to take a shit on him constantly. But the real question is: is his misfortune really just bad luck, or is it his own actions getting in his way too? The answer is yes. Oops Swein, a “simple” man, only has two modes: so sweet you forget how annoying he is, and so annoying you remember why fate hates him. Wielding green hand-me-downs from his Astrea-loving grandpa and a punchable smile, Otter ping pongs between everything because he is only straightforward once in a blue moon. Need help running from danger? Ottoto is here to save the day, but not because he likes you or anything! He was just there too, so he saved you as a supplement to saving himself! Need some money? Sure, this money totally isn’t even his anyway! Need some nudging to get out of your shell? Certainly! Being in a near death experience in front of you should do the trick to help you open up, because he already knows you’re wrapped around his finger! Need help you didn’t even ask for? Of course! He’s going to end all your enemies now. What, you want him to tell you his backstory? It’s easy, he’ll just cut out the part where he was exiled, there’s an assassination hit on him, and that time he accidentally burnt down a bar, and that other time some people accidentally fell off a cliff he was conveniently on! Is it walking in darkness, or purposefully turning away from the light? To Otter, it’s basically the same thing, he’ll just deny that the latter exists to clear his hands yet simultaneously wallow in guilt-not-guilt. His dream is only simple because everyone who loves him expects him to fail—not only because his luck shits on him, but also because he has every addiction in the book except for weed because his little bro already got that one. So don’t even worry about it! Ottobro is a simple, normal guy who is definitely fully honest in his evaluations of himself, has self-worth that isn’t defined by his laundry list of vices, and consistently Does Not require mental gymnastics to keep himself deceptively functional. Just remember: when he says he’s bad, he’s good, and when he says he’s good, he’s bad. When you write him being good, always remember he can and will be worse. When you write him being bad, always remember that he usually has good intent that will then be warped by his laundry list of justifications. Tis the Swain way—love is business, business is life, and being warm and calculated is how one shows affection. Anyway, his theme song is Akumo no ko. I will now be hunted down shortly after writing this due to exposing the rot underneath Audrey’s cardboard cutout soft boy image. The moral of the story? Do not put superpowers that have killed all previous holders of it + merchant ideals into one person or you will make a being of mass destruction—I mean. Uh. Sugar, spice, and everything nice.

hello re:zero fan. in front of you is a re:zero character. describe them and who they are as a person without mentioning or angling your analysis around subaru natsuki.

[bonebirds]

This got long but I'm fucking pissed. Content warnings for abuse mentions, trafficking mentions, discourse about discourse to prevent future discourse, "proshipper" nonsense, grooming, etc.

This is gonna be the one time I open my mouth about this because haha, hey, years of internalized fear and shame. I'm trying to lay down a boundary and that comes with so much anticipated backlash.

I do, for the record, have a background in Yelling about the crossroads of media/culture/literature/academia/games studies/trauma/capitalism. Which is a wide range and we can thank my comp exams in the PhD for that.

Since this is tumblr I also gotta just do the fuckin' disclaimer before anyone else feels like doing the "if you don't publicly condemn xyz then I'm gonna make your day worse" thing:

I don't participate in fandom and I don't ship things. I'm not about to defend specific instances or pairings because everything exists in subjective contexts, and texts especially so. But also, I have graduate degrees in English and text analysis and lived experience with CSA and trafficking that went on for a long fucking time. And I am very, very tired of being called the worst things you can call a trauma survivor because I don't care about shipping.

I'm not anti-ship, or whatever. I am not down for imposing my own trauma, feelings about it, and opinions on others in order to censor their art. Call me a proshipper if you want -- ignoring the part where I don't write fanfic or participate in fandom -- because I agree with them. I condemn CSA/CSEM, abusers, predators, the entire evil side of humanity but people who write fic aren't that. Neither are people who read it, even the most problematic of the problematic.

People can write, as fiction, as fantasy, whatever they want. There are no real people being harmed. I can distinguish between those things and, again, am a survivor of some very intense abuse. You're welcome to disagree. I'm fine with that if you're fine with me. I don't believe in absolutes when it comes to topics this complicated (and it is). I spent years on the opposite side, actually, because just the MENTION of things like incest or age gaps triggered me. And then I would do the same and get mad at the people writing it.

This is not healthy and it is not healing on either side of the argument.

But also in treating everything like such a monolithic moral purity test, where you're either good or deserve to suffer -- a test that I fail, because there is no room for things like Complexity -- you just spent a lot of time telling me I'm as bad as the people who trafficked me. Because of fiction. Because of fake things happening to fake people, based on an idea in someone else's head, people's real harm and real trauma means we're as bad as their abusers. That is so heavily the implication in so much of this talk. If I don't disregard my degrees, my training, my own experiences, my own principles and take a stand against people shipping things on the internet, I must basically be a predator!

That is violent and fucked up.

I don't want you around here, so block me and get it over with.

I (like a lot of people with trauma histories) use fiction and writing to process and heal. I don't even post them. A lot of that writing, and being able to seek it out, was helpful. It was a connection to someone else out in the world who maybe understood a little bit of the pain and fear and confusion.

There's a difference between fiction and real abuse. And the "but predators use it to groom vulnerable children" angle barely holds water -- predators use anything. Mainstream TV shows. Vending machine snacks. Gumballs. Access to a remote control to change a channel. A lot of things are more accessible and friendly to kids than making them read. Advocating for censorship, especially in today's political hellhouse, is not actually helpful. It just feels really righteous.

Which doesn't mean there aren't those trying to leverage fic to "normalize" abuse and grooming, I absolutely believe they have and do, but that does not justify externalizing your pain and trauma onto others, or policing them, or trying to take control back by claiming an imaginary moral high ground and pinning other people to it. It also doesn't mean that censoring the internet of all things icky to you saves the world, the kids, anything. It just means they'll find easier avenues, of which there are already so many. It also means you're all just attacking people from a place of presumed hurt rather than compassion, curiosity, anything like that.

So.

Anyone whose stance on this entire thing boils down to "you agree with me or you're a secret pedo enabler," you need to leave.

I'm happy to talk about it if you want! I don't think people trying to draw those lines are right but I think they're well-intentioned, until they start calling me shit that triggers entire mental collapses. You know. In the name of saving the children. Which hasn't been a red flag for conservatism and oppression for hundreds of years or anything, either. How many kids do you think are protected by shutting down places they can actually go and talk about the darkest shit in their heads? How many of us just suffer unbearable pain and isolation because the culture around us is shame-based and if you think about things like that, you're Just Like Them?

This ain't about protecting kids, basically. This discourse never has been. It's about being righteous and never examining why that is. It's about lashing out and displacement. I think the concern for victims is real, like I said, but that concern can translate to actual, real help elsewhere. People are DOING the work to make the internet safer. This? Is not that work.

You are responsible for how you manage your trauma and pain, and that has to include not taking it out on others. Full stop. Even when you disagree. Even when everything in your brain is going DANGER ALARMS DANGER ALARMS DANGER ALARMS WE MUST STOP THIS because someone ships something you think is wrong or uncomfortable. It sucks, and it sucks we have to do that, and it sucks we have to learn how. None of us asked to. None of us wanted to end up here. It's not victim blaming to say you're accountable for your own recovery.

But while you are here, maybe consider that the name/shame/blame model hasn't been working either. For hundreds of fucking years. We know shame doesn't motivate people to care, or learn.

But especially when you're weaponizing shame against trauma survivors for recognizing their own experiences in literature, art, stories. We all struggle with toxic shame. Using it against people until they agree with you?

Holy shit just look in the mirror one day, I guess. But block me first.

[unproduciblesmackdown]

oh yeah addendum in also the other day seeing someone autistic talking in that context abt what they want from genuine relationships in that they said they don't want to be Admired Or Desired. that one time someone was like, you're one of the best people i know, like well neat compliment sure i'll take it lmao, but also, that's somewhat confusing and even disheartening when it's like, i have no way of knowing this; we don't really interact? or times i have to ""unilaterally"" assess that i don't feel Friends with someone b/c i don't feel like, for one thing, i can just up & message them even lol; the feeling that to whatever capacity there's a relationship, it's been continual "don't mess this up" masking / efforts to "do things Right" from me....whilest also times it's been like, oh someone's apparently choosing to be around me? enjoying interactions? while still kind of confused about it. and then it's like oh it was Romantic Interest apparently lol :( like even if i wasn't aromantic which i so am....where was the [there is anything to feel is genuine] like again we never even got to any part where i wasn't masking and [do things Right] and on edge and certainly not at whatever point i apparently had whatever appeal. much less "when cishet men are just sprinting straight at you" but that's all the more, like, [you as a Person are certainly irrelevant] but not like it doesn't still feel ultimately mostly irrelevant even if people have more discretion / a more considerate approach in general. also that again there would not be a Right way lmfao. it just sure could be a totally neutral expereince rather, please. how i've had too many situations having to try to fling myself out a window figuratively, even w/those theoretically more considerate approaches

or even when people will be talking about what makes someone Deserving outside of the most conservative(tm) approaches like. this person isn't someone who just waits for things to happen :) like well hell yeah for them lol, meanwhile, i sure kinda am. being aware that in any given way i may not impress anyone / may be negatively assessed; only turns into "there go my power levels increasing again. shrugmoji" when correspondingly it's like, and i don't have to care, or certainly then blame myself about it if like oh boy, society when you have to be "objectively" judged as Worthy by randos, whatever their perspectives lol....or when like, the concept of social support is like, get a romantic partner, primarily, an ounce of backup from friends, the Real backup being family, or friends "as good as" family....or the ongoing journey of realizing like; it was never Just gonna be managing to leave [abusive childhood/family house]. the ways that other experiences outside that were Consistent, really, when being around peers means an immediate sense of doing something wrong / not being as good as them; authority figure adults sometimes acting just like an abusive parent does; no ways to regularly exist flexibly and/or less supervised/monitored, e.g. couldn't walk from [home] to [anywhere]....catching on like, ah, outside of That Situation? i'm still not inherently more valued by randos, still not Not liable to be regarded/treated with disdain / expressions of authoritarianism....Aren't We All; for real. but truly like oh hey, i didn't even realize i was getting all this Political experience in that [when you have a one on one personal abuser and You're Responsible For How They Treat You and Their Own Power Is The Whole Thing and You'll Never "Earn" Better But It'll Always Be Your Fault You Haven't] and all those kinds of logics and realities it's like of course this resonates crystal clear with logics and realities re: [political enemies] lmao. ofc they can be as "hypocritical" as they want b/c [you can just say whatever while you do w/e you want and other people have to deal] is an expression of power. of course "for [xyz]'s own good; individually or as a group" is really about ensuring the power to control their existences as property by shrinking the space in which someone can enact autonomous choices: anything For Children is about (conservative) parents controlling children as things they own and can do whatever they want with; like making sure kids Can't be gay or sm shit, it Is about children, just keeping them from being able to exist outside the sphere of control of an isolated Family life. hell yeah when they do anyways / tragically it always turns out people are actually people despite your wanting to disbelieve this / always have the power to ignore it..........but then yknow, the truth is we out here, and ofc it's like [police protect Property; enforce these property/owner relations] but what's Normal yet obviously harmful is also so borne by regular ordinary """harmless""" interpersonal interactions / people who feel supposedly well-intended but that's more superficial than in essence....even merely the Exhaustion in knowing interactions as Just chitchat w/supposedly amicable parties is like, a scrutinizing test that can only go wrong and lead to antagonism / animosity that can easily accumulate &/or compound. much less existence In Public and shit going wrong out of nowhere, and potential stakes....being like Lol at, again, years back thinking like "a horror short should be like, the premise that you might just be at a grocery or some ordinary asf situation but at any given moment, doing Nothing extraordinary, some rando suddenly goes Deeply Hostile Mode for a second. where even then suddenly disengaging from that mode is not a relief in that the [this could happen at any time] is emphasized" like lmfao that's [being in an abusive situation], that's [being autistic], isn't it so Zany that there's so much overlap / resonance.

Not At All being Lol abt how much actual discrete examples of produced horror is just like "what if there was disabled people." this is its own line b/c of the characters per block limit. but also disdainful emphasis

anyways lol wuh oh in conclusion, antifascism....isn't it always

[nyarlathotep-thecrawlingchaos]

You know that feeling when you want to make a good impression and eveything you do feels low-key humiliating

Or when you're just perpetually mortified about every word that leaves your mouth by default regardless of what's happening or who you're talking to like I am—

ANYWAY HERE'S SOME HEADCANONS ABOUT THE BOYS BEING EMBARASSED OR SOMETHING—

Oooh Nooooo

Zoro, Sanji, Shanks, Mihawk, Buggy x Reader

Needless pointless fluff with the tiniest bit of hurt-comfort or something

Live-action or anime/manga canon, either or both

I don't think there are any TWs?

Sorry for wasting all of our time with this silliness

Anyway here's some Nu.

Zoro

He just pushes himself much too hard sometimes.

Sitting down and "taking a nap" after training, when he's clearly well beyond his limit.

Or rather "passing out from utter exhaustion with his swords unsheathed across his lap."

It could have ended a lot worse than a rogue wave washing across the deck and a gash on his arm.

Grumbling about how he's fine and doesn't need any help the whole time you're wrapping bandages around his arm and chiding him.

Going silent and tense for a moment when you wrap him in a tight hug and softly ask him to be more careful.

No, he's not blushing, he's never blushed in his entire life, shut up

Hugging you back? What are you talking about?

Gives a little growl of annoyance, refusing to let you go for longer than he's willing to admit, and will probably say it was for your benefit if anyone asks.

Sanji

The old *whoops* with the pepper shaker.

It had already been a long day, he was just trying to wind down in the kitchen.

Trying to season a very simple, very straightforward sauce.

And the entire lid falls off of the pepper shaker, and into the pot, along with a massive pile of ground black pepper.

And he just lets out a groan of defeat, dropping to his knees and letting his forehead fall against the edge of the stove with a weak little thunk.

But no no no, you're already hurrying over to help scoop out the excess pepper, reassuring him that it'll definitely be fine.

Your rush to assist him is enough to make him smile in itself, to let out a small affectionate chuckle as he watches you grimace at the taste the ruined sauce, before you meet his eye and try to fake a smile.

Decides to repurpose the sauce in question, to get back at the idiots that loosened the pepper shaker lid in the first place.

The two of you are left snickering to yourselves while the rest of the crew fights over the nearest jug of fresh water after tasting it themselves.

Shanks

Man could probably drop a knife and sever three of his toes and still manage to laugh it off, what is "embarrassment...?"

Well, it's a little more subtle.

It's having to relearn how to use both a sword and a pen after losing half of his dominant arm.

It's laughing off how his handwriting looks like a child's now.

It's getting mildly annoyed at trying to button a shirt one-handed and simply tucking it into his belt instead.

It's refusing help with simple tasks that could be made far simpler if the stubborn idiot would just let you help already—

It's hearing him chuckle and agree when you call him a stubborn idiot for refusing any help, settling his hand in your hair and pulling you close.

The whole process is embarrassing in itself, but he's got you, and he's got his crew, and that makes it all so much easier.

Mihawk

What on earth could he possibly have to be embarrassed about?

World's Greatest Swordsman, one of the seven Warlords, with a sense of wit as devastating as his blade.

And yet, despite all his efforts to hide it, he's just a big softie.

As if it wasn't already evident from how he allowed Zoro to live after challenging him and subsequently trained him, with the convenient excuse of wanting a worthy rival.

He's going to glare at you with a sharpness that could slice clean through diamond if you suggest out loud that he did any of it out of kindness, much less fondness.

But he's also going to sigh in an irritable sort of defeat when you kiss his cheek and compliment him for finding such a perfect balance between mercy and murder.

And mumble just as irritably about how you're lucky he finds you endearing enough to keep around, begrudgingly proving your point without even realizing it.

Buggy

Lives in a perpetual state of embarrassment that he tries to mask with haughtiness and aggression.

It mostly revolves around the elephant in the room.

The very red, very round elephant in the room, attached to the very center of his face.

The one he might just slaughter anyone for mentioning in front of him.

Who nose what that could possibly be *wink-wink*nudge-nudge**stupidest-pun*

But the second you plant a kiss there and say how cute it is, in a way that makes it clear you're not condescending or taunting him about it, he's too busy blushing and sputtering over his words to remember what he was supposed to be angry about in the first place.

[homunculus-argument]

This is one of those things that seem so straightforward that I'm pretty sure that it might be more complicated to do correctly, so it'd be nice to find a tutorial about how to do it, but I have no idea how to look for one. And the pants that I would be working on are my favourites, so I wouldn't want to FAFO with them, and I doubt I'd just conveniently find a perfect pair just like them from a flea market either.

The idea I had in mind is ripped jeans with fishnet on the inside, where the rips are sewn to a stop to prevent them from tearing any further, and the net is attached to the inside for aesthetic purposes. So while the garment itself is whole and functional, it has the appearance of ripped jeans with fishnet stockings worn underneath. Have a shoddy, confusing illustration to hopefully clarify what I mean by this:

Which seems like a task so simple and straightforward that by now I've learned to expect that there's got to be some kind of a catch in it. There is simply no way that it would be just that easy. But I have no idea how to google something like this, because not only are search engines virtually useless these days, I was already bad at them to begin with. So does someone know how to find info on how to sew fishnet onto jeans?

[okkotsyui]

˗ˏˋ BAEK DOHWA . | relationship hcs and scenarios

being in a relationship with baek dohwa is anything but easy. if its not his endless teasing, its the jealous fangirls. if its not them, then its the constant questioning from others about your relationship

to put it simply, it was hard work

but then, nothing worthwhile was ever simple and straightforward, and there was never a day where you didnt feel loved and appreciated by dohwa, so it worked out perfectly fine. if you believed in soulmates, then you wholeheartedly thought that baek dohwa was yours, and you were his.

the two of you met through sooae, as she was a mutual friend between you both. she had introduced you two and all of you, including eunhyeok, had started hanging out more often

however, sooae started to 'conveniently' bail on days where the four of you had planned to go out, and began to drag eunhyeok with her, leaving dohwa and you alone. during these times, the two of you began to spend more time with each other, resulting in a stronger 'friendship' between you and him. you two quickly became the other's best friend, and could always be seen next to each other

(literally the embodiment of best friends to lovers)

however, as expected, there was backlash to your friendship with dohwa. almost daily, you had random girls coming up to the two of you and bothering you and him, always causing some sense of awkwardness even after they had left. the fact that you may have started crushing on your best friend didnt help either, jealousy always brewing inside you whenever some other girl took his attention away. it wasnt ideal to like someone who only saw you as their best friend, but it couldnt be helped. practically nobody was immune to his 'charm'

unknown to you, on the other hand, was that dohwa had been feeling the same as you had been. keeping his own feelings under wraps was difficult, even for someone like him. every hug, head pat .. any form of affection that the two of you shared had his head spinning and stomach flipping. also, whenever you interacted with a guy that wasnt him, especially someone like eunhyeok, all dohwa felt was a wave of jealousy. dohwa had never truly felt like this for anyone before, and he had absolutely no idea what to do about it. confessing was nearly out of the question. sure, he received almost a dozen a day and he knew how to kindly shut people down, but he didnt know how to actually do it himself

you two were completely oblivious to the other, and it drove sooae and eunhyeok insane. in the end, eunhyeok managed to convince dohwa to "grow some fucking balls and confess", suggesting that he slip you a note during class before his confession

it was the last period of the day - mathematics. you could barely keep your eyes open and your head laid against your desk. closing your heavy eyelids, you were about to fall asleep when you felt a scrunched up piece of paper hit the side of your head. groaning, you sat up and turned to your right, glaring at dohwa, who had thrown the note at you. taking the paper in your hands, you unfolded the note and read its contents,

'meet me by the gate after school'

was all it read. you turned to face dohwa with a confused expression on your face, but he was already facing the teacher again, seeming to be unaware of your stare. sighing , you put the paper into your skirt pocket and waited for the class to end

half an hour later, you walked out of your class and down towards the shoe lockers, changing out of your slippers into your outdoor shoes, and made your way to where dohwa had asked you to meet him. dohwa was stood next to the school gate, phone in hand. as you approached him, you noticed that his facial expression was different from its normal relaxed state - he looked nervous. making your way to his side, you prodded his shoulder, eliciting a small jump from the male before he realised that it was you

"well, im here. did you need something?" you asked your best friend, slightly curious as to why he wanted to see you here instead of the two of you walking home as per usual. "yeah, i kinda wanted to tell you something.." he trailed off, shoving his now turned-off phone in his pocket before averting his gaze from your face. "for the past few months, i guess that .. uh", he hid his reddened face in his hand, "well, i like you. a lot, and not in a friend way" dohwa finished, now reduced to a embarrassed and blushing state. your face mimicked his own, cheeks flushed and the tips of your ears tinted a bright red. wrapping your arms around his torso, you hid your face in his chest, muttering out your own confession. dohwa smiled at your words, leaning down to press a kiss on the crown of your head, holding your body in his arms

dohwa as a boyfriend is quite similar to how he was as a best friend; nothing much changed about him. except now, he was much more affectionate and very open about it

you could be talking with your friends during breaks between classes and you would feel arms snaking around your waist, and dohwas face in your neck, pressing gentle kisses down your shoulder. your friends would greet him and just continue the conversation, already used to his affection towards you

even the teachers eventually found out, and would coo whenever they saw the two of you together, even nudging each other when they saw dohwa carrying your bag or bringing you a bouquet of flowers at the beginning of the day during independent study. all of your shared teachers had secretly bet on the possibility of the two of you dating, and were some of your biggest supporters not that they were allowed to mention anything though..

thankfully, your parents also approved of your relationship with dohwa, already knowing him very well from all the times that he would stay over your place. they both thought that dohwa treated you well, and even your father treated him like a son. if you have siblings, it doesnt matter if theyre older or younger, dohwa would ensure to spend time with them and maintain a positive relationship with the entirety of your family

arguments between the two of you were extremely rare, as you both understood each other well. but if they did occur, apologies followed soon after and it was almost a rule that you wouldnt go to bed angry with each other, always finding a resolution to whatever had happened. the following morning, dohwa would always buy you breakfast from your favourite bakery and give you an item off of your wishlist as a further apology from the argument, especially if he had been the one in the wrong

your relationship with dohwa was next to perfect, with all of your friends using you two as the 'perfect relationship mould' for their future partners. there was balance in the relationship and you ensured to always have enough time for each other if either one of you were out with your friends for the day. what was the most important thing, however, was that he loved you and you loved him, something that couldnt ever be changed.

[dawndelion-winery]

How To Ask You Out

Scaramouche × GN! Reader

Scara would never doubt himself when it came to you. He might be uncertain about many things, but the burning passion he harboured for you was unquestionable. So much so that it had never really occurred to him that you did not necessarily feel his affection for you; surely, you must have caught on already?

It was difficult for him to accept that his habit of repressing his emotions had made all of his gestures and hints far too subtle for you to catch onto. How unfortunate it was, so many of his unspoken confessions fell unnoticed, like the leaves in autumn being shed one by one. He had tried numerous different ways, each method failing to hold your attention enough for you to notice it was more than a fleeting whim on his part.

Truly, how could you not feel the warmth in his hand when he reached for yours to lead you to something he wanted to show you? Could you not feel his excitement to share whatever it was he had stumbled upon in the way he tapped your shoulder or upper arm? There was no way you did not know how averse he was to physical contact with people, yet he touched you so easily, as if being close to you was as natural as breathing. Did that mean nothing to you? He adored how he could lay his head in your lap as you brushed his bangs out of his face with such a gentle caress he was certain you had to have felt the same way. In those moments, he bit his tongue, unable to form the words that would give him the clarity he sought. It was so simple, an easy fix, a straightforward solution to his dilemma, and yet the hardest thing he had ever had to do.

"I love you," he'd murmur every night once you'd fallen asleep. And perhaps that was the reason you could've sworn you dreamt of him confessing to you, sparking a spiral of thoughts about dating him. Slowly but surely, you developed feelings too.

However, your friend, as cold as he was, was equal parts dense, too busy wallowing in his pining to notice his affections were reciprocated. Each day, he ached for you, and had he not been cut loose of his puppet strings, he'd most certainly have handed the reins to you if only it would make you finally see the extent of his devotion that went beyond simple friendship.

Once more he found himself scowling as you introduced him as your dearest friend. He had to admit, there was some inkling of pride in being the dearest among your dear friends, but he'd always been inclined to greed, tempted to perpetually reach for more having been so accustomed to losing everything.

"Your hair's a mess," he commented, seemingly apathetically. You'd woken up late and hadn't had time to check yourself in any reflective surface as you threw on whatever was on top of your dresser and headed out. He thought it was cute, not that it seemed that way.

"I was in a rush," you huffed, averting your eyes as you mused a hand through your hair hoping it'd neaten somewhat.

"Here." How convenient his anemo vision was, for him to hover around you to get the perfect angles on your hair as he helped you tidy it. There was a gentle dexterity in his touch so unlike the gruffness in his words that you knew was far more reflective of who he was than the prickly persona he put up.

"Thanks," you said as your eyes met his. And for a second, you wondered what you could do if you'd had no fear. Would he catch you if you let yourself fall headfirst? You had no way of knowing, and yet the breeze around you blew your worries away. "You're act like you're my boyfriend sometimes."

He froze up at your words, some unknown expression dancing across his face. "Maybe I should be," he murmured. His azure eyes locked onto yours, voice as soft as his gentle caress, brushing a few stray strands out of your face. Except there wasn't anything on your face to brush away - nothing but his cool, slender fingers. His touch seemed to crackle with electricity, but you were certain it was nothing more than your imagination; his gentleness was more akin to the sweet spring gales that made the flowers dance to the songs of leaves.

"Yeah..." you responded, " maybe you should."

Scara's eyes lit up at your response, his excitement laced with wariness. There was an inkling of uncertainty as he scanned your face, as though anxiously seeking any subtle signs of deception.

"Maybe I will be, then," he said finally. And who would've thought? It seems asking you out was much easier than he'd gotten himself worked up over.

Taglist: @ryuryuryuyurboat @yinyinggie @mx-kamisato @chaosinanutshell @haliyamori @irethepotato @boundedbyfate @favonius-captain @aqui-soba @tiredsleep @sadlonelybagel @mastering-procrastinating

[deerspherestudios]

Thank you for the info on the bouncing animations, seeing my characters do a lil jump is so fun!

And I do mean the sounds themselves, I’ve figured out the coding bit. The sound design in MO is so good! I gotta know your secrets!

Haha I'm happy to have helped! For the sound design it's pretty straightforward, I just assembled the sounds in Premier Pro (it's not an audio software but it was conveniently on my desktop) and layered them out. So one audio file has multiple sounds in sequence.

For a longer explanation:

If you look at the audio files, some of them are baked in like "tail-whip.ogg" having the mug being pushed, falling off the edge, a whoosh of air and the tail catching it in one single audio file. Another example is "kitchen-cabinets.ogg" where you can hear Mychael's boots walk away first and then muffled cabinets opening and closing.

The sequence of different sound cues really make it unique to that scenario instead of just one noise indicating movement like a simple 'thwap' to show the mug being caught or just kitchen cabinets themselves. It's a little extra admittedly (I don't know if a lot of VNs even do this) but I really enjoy doing it especially hearing the final result!

As I implement them in, I always go back and forth looking at what I wrote and what I expect to hear, since I want it to feel natural regardless of reading speed if that makes sense. Timing them is the most important!

There is a 'queue audio' function in Ren'Py where one audio file plays after the first is finished, but I find it much more finicky than just editing the sounds myself where I can control the timing, volume and add in effects if I wanted in one single playback.

I hope that helps!

[otherworldseekers]

8. common fandom opinion that everyone is wrong about ? 👀

That everyone takes the WoL for granted. Especially the Scions. And that most people simply view the WoL as a convenient tool.

I feel like a lot of the fandom in general tends to view how many npcs interact with the WoL through a lens biased toward a negative interpretation. While I believe that a straightforward, unbiased reading of what is actually said and done in game, leans toward a much more positive reading. Canonically, our WoLs signed up to be part of organizations that bare a responsibility toward the people of Eorzea. (The fact that we had no choice about our WoLs signing up is irrelevant to the game's story.) They are not taken for granted. They are expected to do their job alongside their colleagues. And as the story goes on and the WoL, due to their Special Status, takes on more and more, the response of the people they interact with becomes more and more admiring and appreciative. NPCs are constantly expressing their gratitude for what the WoL does and demonstrating how they care about the WoL's well being.

It truly boggles my mind sometimes that so much of the fandom seems to simple forget? or maybe ignore how much everyone loves the WoL. I think a large portion of the fandom has become invested in how they want to develop the narrative of their own individual WoL as someone who is very down trodden and constantly suffering on behalf of a world that doesn't appreciate them. And don't get me wrong, that's a fine theme to explore in your own writing. But the prevalence of it in fic seems to have clouded many people's memories of the actual MSQ. It's simply not the story that SE has written.

Thanks for the ask!

[ga-yuu]

Romance manhwas/webtoons I highly recommend!!!

Look! You guys must know, by this time, I am a romance connoisseur! *ahem* self-proclaimed*ahem* Romance is my fav genre and I'm not ashamed to say that aloud!! Since valentines day is coming and I'm still single, I simply fill the empty space in my heart with these cute manhwas/webtoons!!! I love reading them so much! But there are some really good romance manhwas that really give me hope about love. These are my recommendations, the ones I really enjoyed.

Daytime star

This manhwa is one of my most fav!! If you haven't heard of it, or read it...GO READ THIS RIGHT NOW!!....or whenever you have time, BUT I HIGHLY RECOMMEND THIS MANHWA! It's not just about its beautiful art style, but the story is AMAZING! If you're like me, who loves mature adult romance (and by 'mature adult romance' I don't mean a story like 50 shades of grey, but a more natural realistic romance between two fully grown adults) then this is the manhwa for you! I swear! I was binge-reading this manhwa the whole day, while eating, while playing games, while sleeping I was dreaming about this manhwa. The story is about a struggling actress falling in love with a very popular actor. It sounds simple, but it's really really REALLY GOOD! It's worth your time! There's nothing bad I have to say about this manhwa. It's truly outstanding.

Marry my husband

What? You want a revenge drama with the female lead in her comeback era? I recommend Marry my husband. I saw the Kdrama adapted from this manhwa and although the actors are really good....the story changes drastically towards the end. The Kdrama has so many....'Kdrama' elements which I'm not really a fan of and it just makes the story unnecessarily complicated for no reason. So I highly recommend you read the manhwa version. The manhwa version is more straightforward and simple compared to the kdrama and doesn't have any unnecessary drama to waste your time. All the characters are so good. Even the side characters have stories. I love how simple the story is and how satisfying it is. I'm sure you will enjoy the manhwa and fall in love the characters. Again, highly recommend this. This is the 2nd manhwa that I binged the whole day, and re-read it again yesterday. It's really good!

A Marriage of Convenience

I'll be honest, I was ignoring this manhwa for god knows why? Looking at the art, it just gave Under the Oak tree vibes.....and I'll be honest again, I got bored of under the oak tree. Everyone seems to love it, but I just got bored after 20 chaps or so. But this one, I finally decided to read it and again! I JUST CANNOT STOP READING IT!! I wonder why I'm so in love with it...it's because the female lead is so cool! I LOVE THE FEMALE LEAD IN THIS MANHWA!!! and you will know why once you read it. I feel like the female lead really carries the story on her back. Its so beautiful to see her growing and then comparing her present self to how she used to be in beginning of the story. Hey! I'm telling you! Go read it!! *points my gun*

I Thought It's A Common Possession (Ongoing!)

Isekai villainess manhwas are the trend guys! I wonder when is cybird going to release their own ver. of isekai villainess game? Well...I have not seen many people talking about this manhwa, so I wanna shed some light. It's a slow-burn but a really good one! At the first chap, you'd hate the male lead....but at the end of the latest chap, you guys will surely love the male lead. You'll think that the story is just a simple villainess manhwa were everyone hates the villainess but soon end up liking her...but no, it's much darker. You'll find out when you read it. Also the female lead...is a mommy!!! She gives me mommy vibes!! She's so beautiful!!

For My Lost Love (Ongoing!)

Another isekai manhwa that I'm obsessed with because the male lead is too hot for my own good! I think the reason I love this manhwa is because 1. it's a slow burn 2. the male lead is so good-looking 3. The relationship developing between the male lead and the female lead is really cute! It's like you can't help but want to see these two together! Right now, the male lead is completely in love with the female lead and its' so cute to see him being possessive about her and the female lead is completely oblivious. The female lead really loves the male lead because he is her fav character of her fav novel. It's cute! I love the female lead's personality, showing heart-eyes and blushing when the male lead does something....even the smallest things like drinking his coffee or arranging flowers. It's really cute!

Remarried Empress (First 80 - 90)

This story is really popular. There is a manhwa and a game....Phew~ Another one of those that I couldn't stop reading......BUT!! As much as I love the story and it's main characters...I feel like this manhwa is better if you only read it up to...90 chapters and from there, just read the spoilers. I'll be honest, the first 80 to 90 chapters of this manhwa are FUCKING AWESOME!!!! IT'S DRAMA AFTER DRAMA AFTER DRAMA! ABUSE! VERBAL ABUSE! EMOTIONAL ABUSE! It's bad but it's also good. The abuse is just too much to handle that you can't stop reading it because you want the female lead to be happy...and in the end she gets it. I highly recommend reading 90 chapters of the manhwa and then read the spoilers because the manhwa gets very sluggish. I bet you, because you will be only invested in the 4 main characters of this story and you won't care about anyone else. The first 90 chapters mainly focuses on these 4 characters and after that the story focuses more on other side characters until it connects back to the main 4 characters. This part is a drag.....so don't waste time and read the spoilers.

The Villainess Turn The Hourglass

Ah....This manhwa....truly one of the best villainess manhwa I've ever read!! I won't say anything! This is truly a 'VILLAINESS ROMANCE' manhwa and again...a story about a woman in her comeback era. Read only the main story though, I don't really care about the spin-off. The main story is truly satisfying. Read it! READ IT RIGHT NOW!! *Points my gun*

I'll keep sharing more manhwas and webtoons with you guys because I'm never gonna stop reading it! Even on my death bed, I'll still be reading it!!

[struggling-jpg]

Some Things About Ma Feima (Yanqing) I Learned

And it matters to HSR Yanqing only because some people have had what they heard about Ma Feima affect their views of him even though it really SHOULDN'T imo.

The underlying point I'm trying to get at is that when we hear about parts of a story or characters we aren't familiar with, it'd be fairer to at least try to look into it more before making final judgments, especially if we only hear see memes and short summaries from a person over the internet.

If you're also interested in this topic then this will be very long, so thank you for bearing with me.

And if not, especially because you don't care or don't want to read about 7S/HI3 Yanqing then that's also fair, Ma Feima and Yanqing are different characters, and I hope you have a good day!

(NOTE: CW for the mention/discussion of a notable age gap between characters in the story. There are details surrounding that but I'd rather place this here for convenience. Look out for yourselves and stay safe!)

It's wild how many different versions of what happened in the Seven Swords visual novel, which is understandable due to its lack of official translation + not being complete (as far as I know? I am open to corrections overall). But the amount of details that go missing or are incorrect is notably large and I find this situation interesting. As mentioned, anyone who knows better (content, translation-wise, etc.), please correct me on anything if needed.

I will use some screenshots from the videos that translated the available chapters (1-2 and part of the beginning/prologue of 3, I believe). The translations are not entirely accurate so heck, I might be wrong on stuff too.

From personal experience, there were two things I heard about Ma Feima from HI3 players:

He killed his master, Fu Hua.

He cheated on his wife.

Legit, the first time I encountered these points, it was as simple as that. And I took it at face value because it understandably takes effort to look into this stuff and a lot of players from HI3 were saying it. But over time, curiosity got to me and I wanted to see the context surrounding it, and here's what I found.

However, here are some things to know about Seven Swords and Fu Hua's disciples:

The Seven in order are: Lin Zhaoyu, Su Mei, Jiang Wanxi, Jiang Wanru, Cheng Lingshuang, Ma Feima, and Qin Suyi

The present of the VN is set in 1496 while the assassination of Fu Hua was twenty years prior in 1476.

Ma Feima, despite being the 6th disciple, is the youngest.

Ma Feima's original name was Yanqing but changed it to Feima when he got older.

Qin Suyi, the 7th disciple, is Sushang's mother in both HI3 and HSR.

Lin Zhaoyu, the 1st disciple, and Ma Feima are married.

Onto the points:

He killed his master, Fu Hua.

Yes, he was involved but some attribute the plan to him. BUT he wasn't. The person who formed this plan was Su Mei, the 2nd disciple.

Supposedly, all seven disciples participated though most, if not all of them, were reluctant to do so.

They were all bothered by Fu Hua's, effective but cruel way of dealing with Honkai-infected people (She would wipe out whole villages if even ONE person was infected).

The last straw for the disciples was when Jiang Wanru, the 4th disciple, got infected.

It was in that battle that Ma Feima got the scar on his face.

Also to note, Cheng Lingshuang, the 5th disciple, was the one to get the last hit on Fu Hua.

This is a straightforward point, a lot of people know this stuff, and is probably the point that's more elaborated on. But I still wanted to mention it because, oftentimes, a lot of the credit for the plan, and sometimes the last hit is given to Ma Feima. It erases the actions of other pretty interesting characters and is simply incorrect.

Onto the second point, because this is where things get really interesting and a lot is going on.

2. Ma Feima cheated on his wife.

This has given the idea that he had an affair, cheating on his wife, Lin Zhaoyu

No, he didn't.

It is true that he was in love with Su Mei but she never loved him back and was very clear about it so in a literal-traditional sense, he didn't have an affair.

Emotionally, yeah.

It seems that he had been attached to her since he was a child.

Lin Zhaoyu seems to have always been aware of that and still pursued to marry him.

BIG NOTE: This is where I'm going to cover the age gap stuff.

One thing that I have rarely seen anyone mention is the large gap between Lin Zhaoyu and Ma Feima in age.

It's said that Lin Zhaoyu is 15 years older than Su Mei.

Supposedly, Qin Suyi was around eight years old when Fu Hua found her.

Remember, Ma Feima is the youngest of the disciples.

I wouldn't have harped as hard about the age gap if they met/didn't know each other in Ma Feima's childhood, but the disciples technically grew up together so I found it to be questionable.

For reference:

In order, that's Lin Zhaoyu, Su Mei, and Ma Feima when they were younger.

At minimum and based on all the searching and math, at minimum, Su Mei would be thirteen there, and by the 15-year age gap, Zhaoyu would have been 28 years old.

Now, based on the writing, Zhaoyu and Feima most likely got married in the twenty years between the assassination of Fu Hua and the present of Seven Swords.

The youngest Feima would've been at the assassination was seventeen years old at that point.

For the present of the story, Zhaoyu, and Su Mei are 56 years old and 41 years old respectively. Feima is likely in his thirties.

Like I said, I'm making a big point to this because, like, what the heck. That's MAJORLY concerning even if you tried to reason your way around it. Besides any potential "normal in the era" type stuff and that they got married when they were both adults, it's still a huge yikes, isn't it? Also, I've seen barely anyone mention that, and the ones I did see it from, it was when I was looking into the visual novel.

It's mostly because Yanqing is the one in HSR, he's the character that gets the most eyes. And when people only know him as a "master-killing wife cheater" without any of the context surrounding it, it's a huge shame, albeit fair if people don't want to actively look into it themselves. But because a notable chunk of players have let those perceptions have weight over an unrelated by anything but appearance, old name, and the parallel of (potentially) killing a master.

The circumstances surrounding the two are very different.

HSR Yanqing has Jing Yuan to raise and guide him safely through his early life. He's still very young and while stubborn, has a good head on his shoulders, and has a lot of potential to grow into someone strong and stable.

7S/HI3 Ma Feima on the other hand, is shown to have grown very differently from his younger self.

He is far from enjoying life, and don't get me wrong, he isn't completely innocent.

But he's completely aware and is miserable.

There's a lot more I could cover in terms of Ma Feima, his circumstances, and the things about the characters around them, but my brain is so fried lol. All-in-all, his story alongside the seven, is very...complicated.

My main thing is that, hey, maybe we should be a bit more vigilant when we learn things about characters. Beyond fiction, misinformation spreads very easily because we, understandably, take things at face value. In terms of media literacy, we see it time and time again when characters get reduced to a singular trait or a ship or get heavily misunderstood by the audience because a simplified summary will never do the context justice.

[ronearoundblindly]

Can I get a U for Mr. Ransom Drysdale? 👀

From this ask game and no particular version of him I've written. Just general headcanon. Also, pretty straightforward in terms of it's not very dirty to explain...

U - Underwear

Boxer briefs, hands down. Simple, stretchy, convenient, and comfy. They must, however, have the designer label on the waistband. Absolute MUST, I tell ya.

I'd say he doesn't care about the quality, but that's not totally it? He does not care how long each pair of underwear last, even if he paid like $100 a pop. Did they have the designer name or logo or design where someone could see it if he lifted his arms enough? Then great, here's his credit card. He'll take ten.

Thank you for asking!

oh, OH, OH! I reread the prompt and forgot to add what sort of underwear he'd like on someone else!! JK that bit will go under the cut... [short]

He likes the idea/look of lace but finds it fiddly. Ran doesn't want to have to be delicate with it. He likes straps on things so he can pull and maneuver you around. No preference as to leather or satin or whatever, just straps.

Biiiiiig fan of the crotchless lingerie, that guy. Easy access and he's not concerned with never seeing it again because he ripped something.

Also doesn't enjoy the mouth-feel of lace. He's okay with lace in pictures or outer garments/layers, but he doesn't want to feel like he's flossing when his mouth is on your nipples...or...you know...

One of those photoshoots? The ones where you're in a lot of different lingerie and looking like a pinup? Yeah, throw all the lace you want in there. Just make sure the photographer gives you the negatives or deletes HER copies, because it will be a 'her' or you're not doing it.

[Main Masterlist; The Root of All Ransom Masterlist; Ko-Fi]

Did I...Did I just manage to write something about Ransom without using a single f-bomb????

Call the squad, gang. Ro ded.

[lostbetweenvampiresandmusic]

Changes chapter 10

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Series masterlist

"Overexposure to a blood type?" David looked at Max, an angered confusion written on his face. He had never heard of this before, and be wasn't sure whether ot nit Max was actually telling the truth. "And you didn't think that it'd be smart to tell us about that? If you hadn't been here, she'd be dead!" He glanced at Julie, who didn't respond. She seemed to be too focussed on herself, regaining her consciousness and getting her strength back. Rightfully so, David thought, glad to realise that she seemed okay despite everything.

David knew that Max knew a lot. About vampires and about rare conditions vampires could have. Absolutely, Max was the one you went to if you wanted to know something. And yet - it seemed awfully convenient that he just knew about blood allergies. That he just arrived home when it happened. It all seemed a bit too good to be true, and David didn't know what to think of it.

"Don't tell me you four have begun to care about her?" Max asked, an almost teasing grin on his lips, before it turned into a dark sneer. "There's no need to be angry with me. This was your doing. You force-fed her."

David was about to say something, but Dwayne and Marko quickly stepped in. "Don't, it's not worth it." Marko said quickly, glaring at Max, his eyes falling on the thick open file on the kitchen table. David glared at Max before turning around. Without saying another word, the four boys disappeared from the house, leaving Max and an exhausted Julie behind.

"He knew!" David growled as they'd arrived at the cliff near their cave. As he yelled out, a startled owl flew up. He hadn't taken the effort to properly park his bike, instead letting it fall on the ground as he now paced in front of the stairs leading down to the cave. "He fucking knew that this was a possibility!"

"We knew he was an asshole-"

"He could have gotten the girl killed, Paul."

"You think he'd hurt her? On purpose?" Paul frowned - sure, he disliked Max, but this? No, Max wouldn't do that.

"Leaving her? Not telling either her or us important details about her health?" David looked at the others, ready to go on another tirade to convince them of him being right. Luckily, he didn't need to.

"It's simple. We need to get Julie out of there if this is the case." Dwayne looked at the others. Marko nodded, albeit hesitatingly.

"We don't know how long Max knew. What if he only found out today? He had some medical files lying on the table."

"He has helped over two dozen vampires, do you really think she's the first case with a fucking blood allergy?" David spat out, sighing deeply.

"So we check in on her, every night, just to see if everything is alright and whether or not she's safe, right?" Paul looked at David. "And if we think that she's actually in danger of any harm, we take her away."

The kitchen was quiet. Max had offered Julie another bottle of blood, but she'd tiredly shaken her head. She was still seated on the ground, Thorn laying next to her. She didn't look at Max or Thorn for that matter. Instead, she just stared into the room in front of her, barely even blinking. The only proof of her being alive - undead - was the irregular rising of her chest.

"Julie, I found the necessary items to perform a resiring ritual."

Max decided to just tell her, straightforward. Maybe the revelation that the solution was close by was enough to bring her back to the present. Julie blinked before looking at him.

"But, I think you have to think about it. Long. Really consider the pros and cons."

Julie gave him a questioning frown. Surely it was just a spell that needed to be performed?

"In order to change your sire, I need to fully drain you from your vampire blood. In order to stay alive, you need to get the blood with which you were changed injected straight into your veins. When that happens, I have to bite you, and feed you my blood."

Max looked at the girl, a sad look on his face. "You were changed with the blood you're now allergic to."

Julie looked up, scared. She trembled, shaking her head slightly. This was all wrong. Max was supposed to find the solution and help her to prevent her from being hurt again. He would help her, he promised. So why did he now tell her that in order to regain her voice and ability to speak, she'd have to endure torture again? That she'd have to endure hours of pain. Was this the ultimate revenge from her sire, forcing her to hurt even after getting out? Forcing her to be in pain even if he wasn't there? Why couldn't it be something else, something easy and painless? Why did it have to be like this?

Thick, wet tears ran down her cheeks as the realisation began to set in. Either she'd be bound by her sires rules forever, or she'd have to go through this inhuman amount of terror and pain again. She couldn't pick. She wouldn't. Both options were bad.

"I know this is a hard decision. If you're okay with it, I can inform the boys about it. Maybe they can give you some advice?"

Julie shrugged. What advice could they give her? Pick the option that would make you happiest? Pick the one you think is best? Well, she didn't think any of them were the best, and she definitely didn't think any option would bring her happiness anytime soon.

"Alright. I know this is hard." Max sighed as he got up, sitting down across from her on the ground. "I would have done anything to make it different."

Julie gave him a look of slight disbelief, but Max wasn't bothered by it.

"I found a file detailing the activities of the facility that created you. If you want, you are always allowed to read it. I will have it in my office."

Julie shook her head. She would never feel the desire to open that file. She had lived through it and thankfully forgot most of it. She didn't want to bring any unwanted memories towards the surface. Max looked at her, and even though he couldn't read her mind like he could with his boys, he understood perfectly what she was thinking. It was quiet for a moment before Max spoke up again, deciding to change the subject to something lighter.

"Did you enjoy your time with the boys?"

Julie nodded. They'd been nice. Paul, Dwayne, and Marko had taken her on her first rollercoaster ride. Marko thought her how to feed his pigeons, and one night, the both of them had sat down to make patches together. Dwayne had lent her some of his books, and she found his company quite pleasant. He wasn't much of a talker either, whether that was because of personality or because she couldn't she was not sure - but the comfortable silence between them was one she could appreciate. Paul was always happy to see her, showing off and making sure she was having fun. David taught her a lot. To fly, to feed, to clean up - and even though he was strict and didn't allow for any mistakes, he had also given her the stuffed bat when she had trouble sleeping due to her nightmares. He showed her some warmth and kindness when she was most insecure. Yes, she had enjoyed her time there.

"Good. If they weren't treating you well, you'd let me know, right?"

Once again, Julie nodded, although she hardly believed the boys would ever treat her badly. She yawned, slowly getting up, pleased to hear the soft patting of Thorns feet following her as she went to her bedroom. As she closed the curtains, making sure they would not move an inch by attaching them to some nails in the wall, she sighed softly. What was she supposed to choose? An eternal silence, or to endure the same pain she felt tonight but possible worse - and with an even higher risk - just so she could speak again? She truly didn't know. She didn't want to experience any pain ever again, but to let her sire - whomever it was - control her like this still? It felt wrong. It felt as if she could never escape him or the things he'd done. She sat down on the bed, laying down next to Thorn, who'd already laid his head to rest on her pillow. Her fingers brushed through the dog's fur as she closed her eyes, drifting off to sleep.

It was early in the morning, but David had yet to go to sleep. He sat on the ground of their nest, a lit cigarette resting between his fingers. He couldn't help but think about Julie, feeling guilty about what happened that evening. Yes, Julie had been starving. She'd been paler, weaker, more irritated - her veins were pulsing hungrily underneath her skin, and she'd had trouble not to morph into her vampire form. And yet, hadn't he experienced hunger like that when he was younger? Hadn't Max told him back then that moments where the hunger got so bad were moments when you avoided the crowds and tried to find a lone walker somewhere? Why had he forced her to go to the boardwalk without a care for the risk? Why did he force her to feed when she had tried to signal that she didn't want to feed from her victim. He remembered how she had shaken her head, trying to push the unconscious body away but failing to do so against David's grip. No, he had forced her to drink that blood. Forced her, and then she'd collapsed to the ground. He had been terrified when she fell, blood leaking out of her eyes, nose, and mouth. Her whole body shaking.

He closed his eyes as he brought his cigarette to his mouth, breathing in the hot air.

"It's not on you."

Dwayne stood in front of him, leaning against the stone wall.

"None of us knew that a blood allergy could be a thing. Max never told us anything - about either the blood or certain needs Julie might have needed."

"That's what bothers me most," David looked at Dwayne. "Julie truly believes that he cares about her, but from what I've seen? He's more curious about her medical history than about her well-being."

"She's what - 19? Blame it on naivety. She'd been hurt for quite some time, and then someone came along and offered you help, shelter, and a home. The four of us fell for that."

"Except back then he actually tried to help."

"I think he believes he's helping her, not realising that leaving her to go off on a hunch is doing exactly the opposite."

Next chapter >

[random-conspiracy]

Ok, I'm entering my villain (& heroes!) arch aajshashasa. This stupid fixation of superpowers and fiction comic stories.

WELL, HOT TAKE OF THE DAY:

The majority of superpowers in fiction and oc's are boring because they're straightforward. Picture it, there's aaaaaaaaaaaaaaalways someone with the power of:

Mimic someone's power

Invisivility

Steel skin

Puppeteer or any variation of body and mind manipulation (because *wink wink* we're all edgys and saw creepypastas a lot hashas)

Perhaps fly

Ultra speed

And shit like that ajshashasa. Don't get me wrong, those are amazing superpowers. Even just one person in a normal-esque world is a fucking anomaly and represents a game changer.

HOWEVER it's quite boring and honestly quite lazy. Because oh yes! The evil twisted villain of the wee has the power of... mind control. OH BOY! I fucking wonder what is gonna happen! (sacarsm). Or shadow control powers or super force and you know the rest. WHAT a twist! (/s).

And the same goes for the heroes that GOD forbid they're not teenagers or young adults in well shaped bodies BECAUSE UUUUUUFFFFFFFFFF. Call me crazy but if you can fly I doubt you're using at all your muscles the same way a common person does ahshasa. But why fucking not, we can never have enough twinks and women in spandex, can we? ahshahsa.

There's no twist and creative work in a superheroe or a villain or whatever that has JUST that exact power that conveniently works.

I'm a slut for the characters with random and incoherent powers!

That's where this shit goes hard. Beacuse it's so easy to be a superhero whn you can walk through walls or move at high speed. But what happens when you have the power to deconstruct objetcs? Fly just 50 cm off the groud? Exact knowledge of the pupulation in Taiwan (while you live in Argentina)?

What happens to them??? I wanna see the shenanigans, the creative solutions to abnormal problems! And what happens to the powers that become a burden or that straight up are incompatible with the common society. What happens if you're born without bones? If TV signals sometimes cross without way to evade it into your mind?

I wanna see creative villains. With powers like super healing and bubblegum madness. Concidental induction and urbomancy. Hhahshahsas

The thing is not actually that the pwoers are common or simple, the thing is for me that the weaponization in battle is the number one thought. Like, yeah, I bet turning sound waves into lethal blades is powerful but out of battle, does it matter? It means somethig? Can you cut a frozen pizza for dinner or you destroy your whole kitchen?

(Tbf, a story a bout a character struggling to see beyond his powers shapped to battle could be interesting BUT that's another story ahsahsas).

And I'm also bored of the god-like powers. You can fly and you can control minds! For free I guess and with no real consequences. Bceause let's be serious, Spidermand and Superman as archetypes of the hero had their own limitation (not precisely linked to their powers by themselves BUT WHATEVER). They're more or less the exception to this.

I Wanna See Limits

LIMITS. I care 0 if the character can eat the fucking Sun. What I want to see is that power in personal impact and relativity. Sometimes the right (or wrong!) word has more power that destroying the Earth. And a lot of it comes from the limitations. How easy is everything when you have all the power, but the limitations are what shape the plausibility, the humanity and the imagination around it. For example Magneto. It's because of his clear limitations that he scaping from the plastic underground prison in the movies is so fantastic. He uses a creative solution to work around his limits. Amazing!

Idk man, Brandon Sanderson said this shit already. Go see him go see him.

[togglesbloggle]

I get nightmares, sometimes.

I know specifically where they come from. Second grade. My elementary school would gather kids up in the cafeteria and read some short-ish book to a large-ish crowd. I don't know why they did it that way instead of the classroom; it might have been some kind of after-school activity instead of during normal hours. The circumstances are pretty vague to me, this long after the fact.

I don't remember the title of this particular story either, or any of the names of the characters, most of it's long since lost in the fog. I was probably a bit bored for most of the reading. The book was a pretty generic little thing, until it wasn't. There was this caterpillar, it wanted to be a butterfly, a convenient and kid-friendly shorthand for overcoming obstacles to self-actualization through friendship and wisdom. One of the more common allegories out there.

But anyway, what made it weird was, the author decided that the catharsis of becoming a butterfly was a bit too straightforward to carry the climax of the story all on its own. So instead, most of the other bugs- the ones, I have to assume, that represented the forces of conformity and social pressure, or whatever- all became envious of the butterfly's ability to reach the sky (or sun?). When they saw the beautiful butterfly soaring through the air, in a rage they all started climbing on top of one another, and forming a big teeming pile of bugs, each one trying to get just a little bit higher, demanding to touch the sky just like the butterfly did. It became a giant, squirming mass, larger and larger until the inevitable occurred, the bugs at the bottom of this horrific mass were crushed, and the entire thing collapsed to its inevitable doom. The butterfly, armed with wings of its own, flew onward to the sky.

It's a little hard to pinpoint exactly what these nightmares are about, in a symbolic sense. They're about the anxieties of social conformity and peer pressure, certainly; my recurring fears of being molded by the community around me in to compliant and useful forms without consideration for my own happiness. But they're also about hierarchies and the meaning of social power, and even about conformist pressures in epistemic and ontological frames. It sort of slips from one analogy to another, untethered. It's a basal, animal fear that gets carried forward to many walks of life, both practical and philosophical, one that takes the particular form it does just because that story happened to be the first thing to hit this fault-line of mine at the right angle and crystalize my fears in to something I could understand.

On those nights when I find myself trapped in that pile, buried under the weight of hundreds of bodies, forced to crush the victims below me and claw my way through the airless, squirming heat and death of it all, the analogies don't really matter so much. Sometimes the beings around me are humans, sometimes they're all bugs, sometimes I am too, but always it's just about the simple, awful terror of living in that world of flesh. Things that might once have been fellow-travelers, trapped underneath and above and on every side with no room to move. When the agonizing pressure bearing down on you drives through your body without interruption, and you become an instrument that empowers and transmits that same violence to the animals that you're crawling over, with no relief from the pain except to drag somebody down from above you and get just a bit higher. Suffocating, always suffocating, gasping hot breaths where nothing's left to breathe.

But it is very potent grist for any number of metaphors, that's why I keep dreaming the damned thing. And it's not at all uncommon to be moving through my normal, waking life and find myself in circumstances that trigger this fear. I can always feel it coming on with that vague sense of suffocation, usually even before I understand consciously that I've found myself in one of those situations.

Being in the crowd at a sports stadium will usually get me pretty bad, of course. Driving in traffic does it sometimes, a little. But the merely physical crowds are pretty tolerable in the short term. Being at a protest or political rally is much worse; chanting with a crowd is more likely to trigger these nightmares than just cheering with one, because chants are semantic. More buy-in, you see? You have to conform with your ideas as well as your body.

It's there in more abstract ways as well. If I'm in a chat group or social community that brings in an applause light (or shared enemy) that is meant to unify everybody and create a sense of shared identity using public consensus, it can get a little hard to breathe; I sometimes have to go hide in a private room during dinner parties, when they go in the wrong direction. I've avoided employment in big, mission-statement-y corporations my whole life, for much the same reason.

I know that there are people who find a great deal of joy and meaning in this stuff, in being a part of social movements and organizations larger than themselves. I don't mean to say anything objective about such preferences, this isn't even really about my considered opinions so much as the animal parts of me. But man, the animal in me is so frightened sometimes. So much of our world seems to be made of these ziggurats of flesh, teeming piles of human life all trying to reach for something divine by crushing the souls below.

I have, I think, mostly avoided the worst failure states of contrarianism; better not to let the crows dictate my opinions at all, even by inversion. And actually I do better living in large cities than you might expect. Modern city life is 'dense' in the sense that you're often near a few people at a time, but not often to the point of actually restricting movement. Merely having a loud upstairs neighbor doesn't trigger my phobias at all, and it's usually pretty trivial to have basic personal space; I suppose I might struggle in places like Manhattan or Tokyo, though. It's a marked part of my life, but not a disabling one.

And like I said, this isn't a philosophical or a moral stance per se, though it's clearly part of the 'state of nature' that's upstream of my ideological commitments. Mostly, I'm writing this out because I think a lot of people tend to be annoyed by the kind of separatism I reach for reflexively, and treat it like a threat or a form of dissent. Which I guess it sort of is; I and people like me are pretty bad at forming coalitions and doing that kind of important work in the polis. But still, I'm hoping that my nightmares can do a little bit of good on that front, by providing vivid and terrible imagery to help others understand subjectively what it's like instead of just rounding it off to an easy-to-dismiss "Reddit bro" or whatever Type Of Guy is common parlance on the internet at the time.

And I guess, also, I'd like to help communicate something of the beauty of the alternative- of being the butterfly, I mean. And to the extent that it's possible, to communicate the urgency that I feel in chasing tools and institutional patterns that can help people to build their own wings and fly through the open air. There are things that help us rise under our own power as individuals, without victims. Curiosity, creativity, patience, mutual appreciation; so many kinds of strength that don't demand sacrifices. And the greatest of these, I think, is the pursuit of truth, and the sincere desire to understand the structure and consistency of the world around us.

Failing all else, during this election season please have a little patience for those of us who fall silent or slip away instead of lending our voices to the chanting of the crowds, or who seem to care more about picking apart ideas instead of organizing around them, or who otherwise never seem to miss an opportunity to make ourselves the odd one out. There's power in numbers, and this is a moment when power is desperately needed; but I don't think you can touch the sky that way. The higher goals, the things that will allow us to transcend our present difficulties outright and to achieve something really great, are too far away and too alien to reach merely by stacking bodies or echoing the doctrines of the present. Hope comes as a stranger, and we need hope right now for the same reasons that we need power.

[dojunie]

MESSENGER; HRJ [PT 12: SWITCH UP]

➥PART 12 OF MESSENGER; a smau about a stranger, a whole lot of animal pics, and a relationship you would never have expected to come from texting a random number written on a public bathroom mirror.

wc: 1.7k

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a/n: .....hey yall...... how yall doin.... double update pls dont kill me ily &lt;3

tl: @matchahyuck @theboyz-jacob @hoeshi17 @neoteez01 @hibernatinghamster @luvvsnae @shwizhies @skynightgalaxy @ihrtnyu @kunvibing @liliansun @txpxwxk @is4b3ll3s @rxnexxi @rum-gone-why @she-is-dreaming @chenfleur @haedgaff @twogyuu @jeongintwt @rinrinslovebot @chocorenchin @tinidell @defzcl @funkygoose @x-jaehyunluvr-x @ren-junwrld @vantxx95

FOR THE FIRST TIME IN A LONG TIME, YOU’RE VERY THANKFUL THAT DONGHYUCK EXISTS.

When you’d texted him about your predicament in the library, you’d expected about a hundred more messages of him dicking you around before you got your answer. More roundabout replies and suggestive emojis, a million questions on who, what, where and when, regarding your sudden interest in his friend. Yet miraculously, even after figuring out your intentions were not quite as innocent as a simple thank you gift, Donghyuck had actually been... helpful.

He even gave you the hint about the croissant— of which was currently tucked safely in the outermost pouch of your bookbag; two, of course, so it would appear to Renjun like you just so conveniently had an extra for him as well— which he didn’t really need to do after the heads up about the earl gray. A tea and a pastry, and you’ve got him locked down. It was a surprisingly straightforward conversation. 

Until he’d asked the question that had you double-guessing your motives.

Can’t allow one person to be a little distant with you, huh? So nosy.

As incorrect a guess as it was, it stuck out. He thought your interest in Renjun was just refusal to accept that the guy just might not like you? 

If it was as simple as Renjun just not liking you, you wouldn’t have even hesitated in your stride past the library. Not wanting to be your friend wasn’t illegal; if that was the case then you would’ve just left him alone, because you weren’t in the business of sticking around where you weren’t wanted— and at least then it would be a clear answer. 

The problem was that his weirdness around you didn’t feel very clear at all.

Your curiosity started because of the way he’d reacted when he first saw you. That nervous, almost uneasy look on his face, like he was waiting for someone to notice something. You aren’t the reigning authority on how strangers are supposed to act when they meet someone for the first time, but you’re aware that there’s some sort of script; a hello, how are you, my name is. Renjun had stared at you like you were about to pull a knife on him. Even Doyeon thought something was weird. Were you wrong to be curious?

It popped up again when he’d come over to help you study after practice even after you told him he didn’t need to, and it grew even further when— despite your genuine best effort to make him more comfortable by being as normal and subdued as possible— he could still barely look you in the eye for the first half an hour he was there. In a last ditch experiment you tried being yourself just to see if anything would change, and then it happened. You made him laugh. A snort, a shake of his head, all because of something stupid you’d said; but he’d laughed, mumbled, “Seems like something you’d do,” and in that moment you swore something clicked.

He realized why you were staring at him a second later and his smile melted back into that awkward, hesitant grimace, like he’d just let the mask slip too far— but it was too late. It was the inkling of proof you needed. Proof that somewhere in that head of his you weren’t the problem; something else entirely was making him act so odd. Proof that he had a secret.

Donghyuck was right about one thing in his assessment. You are nosy. And if it was the reason for Renjun’s weird attitude with you, you were going to figure that secret out no matter what. 

White hoodie. Silver glasses. Pale blue jeans, a little oversized by the looks of how they pool a little around his ankles; beige converse, one of them untied. Dark eyes diligently scanning the textbook propped up on the table… or they were, before you appeared in the corner of his vision and he looked up.

“I passed my pop quiz,” you said without preamble. A very, very long beat of silence passed before he opened his mouth to reply… except still, no sound came out. However clumsy it felt, you held your ground as he stared at you— you’d prepared yourself for the sheer levels of awkwardness this conversation may reach in the Starbucks line.

(Considering, though, that you were half expecting him to stand up and run away screaming once he realized who you were, even the clear hesitation on his face seemed like leaping progress.)

“Oh,” he finally said, jolting as if shocked, “Did you?”

“Yeah.”

You stared at him. He stared back. When he eventually realized that you were waiting for him to say something else, not just hovering at his table for the pure thrill of taking up space, he stiffened a little bit and hastily closed his textbook. 

“By— By a lot?” 

You nodded. “Definitely. I got a B plus, which is a lot if you’re considering that the last grade I got on a stat pop quiz was… not that. So I brought you a thank you gift. As a thank you.”

You thrusted one of the paper cups forward, careful not to jostle it too hard, and his eyes followed it only briefly before flitting back up to your face. 

“A gift?”

“Yeah. Hyuck told me you like croissants so I got you one of those too, even though bread with tea is kind of—” You shift your bag on your shoulder, letting yourself ramble a little. “I mean I tried it once because a friend told me to but sweets are still my vice. Do you want it? I’ll only judge you a tiny bit.”

Renjun’s eyebrows raised. “Hyuck said?”

“Huh?” 

“You asked him what I like? Donghyuck?”

“I—” 

And then you wince. Shit. First snafu. Yes, you did, but that wasn’t something you were really planning on letting him know. The convenience of him having the same drink as you made it easy to play it cool, to pretend like you’d just decided to get an extra (like you didn’t just harass his friend into telling you things about him without asking, like a creep), but Renjun was staring at you funny now so you swallowed down the vague embarrassment and held your head high. 

“Yeah, well it’s not much of a gift if I get you something you don’t like, right?”

“...Right,” he replied politely.

“Right. So, um. Anyway. It comes with a caveat.”

“The croissant?”

“Yes.”

“The gift comes with a caveat?” 

“The tea is the gift,” you correct, “Just the tea. The croissant, however, comes with strings. You have to— You have to help me study again.”

In your head, when you stood in the cafe line and pored over every detail of how this might go, this was the point where everything stood the greatest chance of falling apart. This could be where he finally understands that you have ulterior motives and jumps up to leave, quoting previous obligations to get away from you faster, or where he suddenly remembers who he’s talking to and gets all apprehensive again. You held your breath as Renjun just stared, eyes flickering around your face like he was contemplating a hundred things at once. When the silence stretches on a beat too long and you add a belated, “Please?” Renjun appears to reboot.

“Well,” he said. “Okay.”

You frowned in suspicion. Without protest like last time? “Okay?”

“Yeah. I’ve been studying here for hours, so a croissant sounds pretty good right now. A break from this Econ textbook probably wouldn’t be a bad idea either. Are you going to sit down?”

“Sit—?” 

Pause. You caught yourself before you could parrot him again like some sort of busted answering machine. Sit down? 

Holy shit. What? Like right now?

You never thought of what you’d do if he immediately said yes; because why the hell would you, when the last time you’d seen him he acted like you were going to jump out at him like a Halloween lawn toy? Your perfect theoretical outcome had been for the bribery to simply get you in his good graces, enough for him to sheepishly tell you he’d have to ‘check his schedule’ or something instead of rejecting the idea outright, with the eventual goal of Renjun getting back to you with a favorable answer later. Like a few days from now, later. 

But… now?

It’s already 5:15, which means you have to be in the gymnasium for practice in a little under an hour. That was hardly enough time to really get into any actual work, not to mention how woefully unprepared you were for studying considering that your class had only started a new lesson in Statistics today— it wasn’t to the point that you actually needed any help yet. 

And yet as you took in his expression, you hesitated to say as much. He looked… amused, by your visible disbelief. Somewhat pleased. The last time you’d spoken to him alone like this he looked like he was being held at gunpoint, so the vague waves of indifference he’s floating at you is a noticeable improvement.

What if he’s all… closed off again, if you reschedule? What if whatever’s making him so generous right now wears off, and next time he’s just as uneasy as before?

You couldn’t risk it. Without another second of deliberation you flung yourself down into the squishy library chair across from him, barely managing to slip your bag off in time to not crush it, and the precious croissants, between your spine and the backrest. You pucker your lips and throw a guilty look at the clock. 45 minutes until practice. Just 45 minutes. You'll leave here early enough to be on time.

“You’re really okay with it?” you asked suspiciously, looking back at him. “You’re not just doing this because Donghyuck is like, threatening you or something? I’ll can get him back for you if he is. I know the code to his front door.”

Renjun smiled, and the sight of it drained any violence you had brewing for your mutual friend. You’ve never seen him do that before.

“I'm doing this because you asked, not because I was threatened. Which I wasn't. Hyuck has the intimidation factor of an angry puppy.”

You were still focused on his expression. Wow. He should smile more often. If you thought he was cute when he was scared half to death on the volleyball court, then the look on his face right now was downright adorable—

“Ready?” he said suddenly, and you realized with a start that you’ve been staring at him without saying anything for the last fifteen seconds. 

“For?” you said stupidly.

“To tell me what you want to go over in Stat. Or are we going to start with a staring contest? Is this how I win my croissant?”

“Your—” Oh shit, yeah, “Oh, right! Right, here, sorry. One croissant, coming up!”

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