#and it's been confirmed i was mostly preventing the worst of his behavior by just mot putting up with it lmao

[onehalfdead]

realized i never kept journaling being on t oops so uuuuh

3 years, 3 months, and 3 days on t

• finally starting to get a little facial hair coming in which is honestly a miracle cause genetics says i shouldn't get any until i'm in my 30s

• my voice has fully dropped at this point and boy did it get deep

• the acne chilled out a good while ago

• still not going bald get fucked literally all my paternal cousins except one

• oh yeah i got top surgery last september so that's p cool too

[incorrect-pokespe-quotes]

Let’s Talk About Norman

I’m going to start off by telling you all something you probably already know: Norman is abusive. I try not to use super strong language on this blog because calling someone abusive / toxic is a pretty big deal, but Norman is an abuser, full stop. Aside from the obvious physical violence though, there’s a lot of emotional trauma he causes Ruby through his actions— this post is mostly going to be talking about Norman’s emotional abuse and how it affects Ruby’s psyche and actions throughout the arc instead of just “oh he punched his son down some stairs” because I think it goes way deeper than that. With that out of the way, the rest of the post is below the cut!

PHYSICAL VIOLENCE

I can’t talk about Ruby and Norman without mentioning this— it’s the most clear cut evidence of his abuse on-panel. He punches his son down the stairs, engages in a high stakes fight with him, and puts him in mortal danger (which Ruby has to save himself from). What I’m concerned with isn’t the actual incidence of violence itself, but rather the emotional baggage that comes with it.

The interesting thing about the Big Fight scene to me is that Norman instigates the conflict. Norman lures Ruby into a “dark and scary building” in the rain and away from others, appears behind him, threatens him, and throws him against a wall. The only thing Ruby had done in that moment is ask his dad how / why he had found him— Norman was the instigator of violence. It is Ruby’s reaction to this immediately violent start that segues into the next Big Thing about their relationship.

ENVIRONMENT OF FEAR

It is obvious from the minute Norman appears on panel that he is intimidating. Multiple characters throughout the arc mention that they are scared of / intimidated by him, but none are more obvious than Ruby. In fact until we reach the scene at the Weather Institute, Norman hasn’t been shown in a positive light at all from Ruby’s perspective. Ruby continuously mentions fear about his father: he imagines his father grabbing him, looking angrily at him, and generally seems to be afraid of him. Ruby expresses worry and concern about the consequences of his father’s anger— and that’s ALL he thinks about. Ruby mentions explicitly that he has seen “Norman’s Dark Side” and tries to hide as soon as he appears. He even shivers at the mere mention of Norman. Ruby’s entire motivation is his fear of his dad, which is bad, obviously. 

Every thought about Norman that Ruby has up until the Weather Institute about Norman express fear and stress Norman’s emotional distance. Whether or not Ruby and Norman love each other is not of importance here, what is important is that Ruby has constant worry and anxiety about how Norman will react. His entire motivation at the beginning of the arc is centered around doing things behind Norman’s back and giving him definitive proof of Ruby’s accomplishments— Ruby is so nervous around Norman that he considers communicating to be a risk. This is typical abuse victim behavior and it continues through the arcs. Living under the constant threat of (often violent) punishment has taught Ruby that disagreements and communication in general are dangerous and can spiral into violence very, very quickly— he displays this same fear time and time again.

Quick Aside: As everyone here probably knows, the main conflict in the oras arc is centered around Ruby’s unwillingness to tell Sapphire what is going on for fear of how she will react. Ruby’s hiding of his memory of their confession in the Emerald arc is the same— Ruby refuses to communicate because he is afraid of how Sapphire will react. His main emotional flaw is the fact that he is driven by fear; Norman has shown him there are consequences to communication and Ruby carries this lesson throughout his entire life. He is a victim of abuse and this hampers his ability to communicate and be emotionally vulnerable. He is so caught up in the idea of consequences that he is more than willing to lie or omit the truth to avoid the consequences of talking to people about stressful topics. This is not to say that Ruby’s actions are excusable— he’s still a dick with communication issues, but whether or not Kusaka intended it, Norman’s abuse and its consequences define Ruby’s emotional arc.

ANGER ISSUES

I can’t really talk about the environment of fear that Norman created without talking about his anger issues. He crushes a phone, shoves people out of the way, knocks multiple Pokemon out at once, and otherwise acts aggressively in various situations throughout the arc without any real Reason. As if these hints weren’t enough, we actually get confirmation through Ruby’s mother that Norman “does this often”— and judging by Birch’s reaction, these displays of destructive anger aren’t normal in in-universe. Whether or not there is a violent / strict parenting style within the universe doesn’t matter, because Norman is shown to be uncharacteristically aggressive in comparison to other adults in the series. Judging by Ruby’s reaction at the Weather Institute, he implies that his type of violence towards him isn’t uncommon; he seems almost resigned to it.

To wrap up this section: Norman’s aggressiveness is atypical even in-universe, he is shown to be unable and unwilling to curb his violent anger, and this creates an environment of fear among his family that permanently impacts Ruby’s ability to communicate effectively with others.

PART 2

DISCLAIMER: This is where things get… dicey. Everything I’ve mentioned previously is rooted in the actual drawings and actions of the characters or overarching themes / problems. This next part however focuses on dialogue. It is almost impossible to truly understand the tone of each line without being a fluent Japanese speaker (which I am not) so instead I’m going to use Viz and CY to the best of my ability for this section. I’m not going to extrapolate this to Kusaka’s intentions, since without the original work that’s nearly impossible, but I can at least talk about the way these come off in English.

EMOTIONAL ABUSE

Admittedly, Viz is the worst about this. They constantly hype Norman up and excuse his behavior, outright censoring some of the physical and emotional abuse. Viz absolutely mangling the tone of RS, however, is a post for another time.

Because Norman actually speaks to Ruby at length a grand total of twice times in the RS arc, we can break down his actions into these two instances: the first is at the weather institute and the second is as he’s dying.

Rather than go based on overall theme, this scene is best done line by line (this is using the CY version due to limited censorship compared to Viz). 

Scene 1: Volume 17, Chapters 208-210

(Norman is dangling Ruby off the roof of a building by his collar. There are sharp rocks at the bottom)

Ruby: Re… release me…! Norman: Insolent brat!! Is that how you talk to your father?!

To start, Norman uses tone policing and deflection. He focuses on the fact that Ruby is “talking back” to him and making demands of his father, which doesn’t acknowledge Ruby’s request or the fact that Ruby is being dangling over the roof of a building. Also note that this is the first time the words are bolded and that they stay this way throughout the fight— Norman verbally escalates the fight. Norman is abusing his position of power over Ruby in order to excuse his actions and pass the blame back to his son.

Ruby: I don’t care how furious you are with me… I’m ready for it!

(Norman decks Ruby down a flight of stairs)

Norman: Why did you run away from home?!

Note once again that Norman is implied to start raising his voice first even when Ruby isn’t. There’s another deflection here: Norman changes the subject rather than actively respond to anything Ruby says.

Norman: Well? Say something! You’d better voice your complaints right now!!

(Ruby has a conversation with the Swimmer, who advises him to apologize to avoid his father’s rage and “just go home” which… fuck you Swimmer Jack. I’m skipping that part of the dialogue bc it isn’t that important).

(While Ruby is debating what to do, Norman’s Slaking lifts the stairs that Ruby is on and tries to fling him into next Tuesday).

Ruby is physically prevented from escaping by being dangled above Norman. I shouldn’t have to tell why physically preventing someone from leaving an argument is a bad thing.

(Ruby decides to fight Norman)

Note that Norman is physically and emotionally forcing Ruby into two possible options: Fight or be obedient. He is preventing Ruby from running and deflecting Ruby’s attempts to explain himself. He then shifts the blame to Ruby *again*, attacking Ruby and his pokemon with full force and implying it was Ruby who instigated the conflict in the first place.

Norman: … so you wish to fight me? … Iron Tail and Hyper Beam… I was the one who taught you those attacks. There’s nothing about your attacks and strategies I don’t know about. You’re just wasting your time! Give up!

Here, Norman does two things: he stresses Ruby’s dependence on him and his power over Ruby. It’s a typical “your success is dependent on me” and a “there is no option except obedience” rhetoric, and is likewise typical of abusers. Norman is stressing the things Norman has gifted to Ruby (battling knowledge) and using whatever he can to force Ruby to do what he wants— he’s exerting his control.

(Ruby turns the tide of the battle, so Norman likewise switches tactics by attacking Ruby himself and attempting to hit him with a staircase. Ruby falls down the stairs and is dangling over a pit of spikes when Norman stands on the edge, blocking Ruby’s only escape route).

Norman: Now will you come quietly? Stop being so stubborn

Not only is Norman forcing his son to choose between obedience and Literal Death, he also shifts the blame again. He excuses his own actions by claiming it is Ruby’s stubbornness that forced him into this position. He deflects the whole “putting my 11 year old in harm’s way” by claiming Ruby’s own resistance to Norman’s violence is the trigger for the violence itself. It doesn’t make sense, but it’s victim-blaming nonetheless and sadly, it works

(Flashback time: Norman admits he was going to give Ruby permission to participate in contests and gets emo about it. They fall, but Norman catches Ruby. This doesn’t matter though, because they both end up falling and Ruby uses his running shoes to save them both).

Ruby: (thinking) Ru- running shoes… my birthday present from dad… saved both… our lives

Ruby displays pretty typical abuse victim behavior here, focusing not on Norman’s 3 threats to literally kill him but instead on the One Good Thing Norman did. He doesn’t mention that it was Ruby himself who saved them both or that Norman was the one who put them in danger in the first place— he’s in total denial about the severity of everything that happened.

(At this point, Norman looms above Ruby with an angry expression and a raised pokeball. Bystanders panic because it appears that Norman is going to attack Ruby who, by the way, is unconscious on the ground, but Norman gets a surprise call from Winona and turns away after realizing that Winona can see him).

“I only stopped attacking my son when I realized people were watching”… alright fuck off then Norman

Norman: HEY!! Idiot son! You disobeyed your parents, then you ran away from home. I’ve had enough! Just do what you want! In return, you’d better accomplish your goals!! A man should complete what he has set out to do… … before he can return home!!

Hoo boy. Norman never apologizes, deflects all the blame onto Ruby, insults him twice, and then tries to save face with Winona and the people around him by giving Ruby permission to do contests— which he was apparently planning to do all along. He emphasizes the things Ruby did in response to Norman’s actions (Ruby ran away from home because he knew his dad would be unsupportive and gets violent during disagreements, so in essence Norman is to blame for backing him into a corner). Norman twists the narrative in order to make Ruby the instigator in every case, justifying Norman’s responses as reactions to Ruby’s problematic behavior

Swimmer Jack: Isn’t that a wonderful father? Ruby: Thank you… father.

Ok first of all Jack is a dumbass, so jot that down. Second of all, while it’s unintentional, Ruby is being gaslit to hell and back. It is only after Norman’s omission of all the abusive behavior and bystanders’ affirmation of Norman’s love that Ruby starts to think positively towards his father. The threat Ruby used to think was so large has been downplayed and outright denied by the people around him, so Ruby’s prior fear of Norman diminishes. Ruby’s fear of Norman and the violence Norman took against him is denied, downplayed, and ignored, so Ruby begins to doubt his own animosity towards his father. Thanks Swimmer Jack you unintentionally gaslit an 11 year old.

SCENE 2: (this one is much shorter, thank god)

(Norman, while he is dying, explains the whole deal with how he was ordered to search for Rayquaza yada yada. Throughout the exchange, Ruby gets increasingly upset).

Ruby: (thinking) barred from the test and forced to search for Rayquaza… It must be some kind of punishment! What could Dad have done to warrant such… why was he made responsible… ?!

Ruby: … … but… come to think of it, dad is not someone who makes mistakes easily… something’s not right!

Slight aside, Ruby has been so convinced of his father’s power by others that he is unwilling to even CONSIDER that his dad fucked up, which… wow!

Ruby: That day… Dad must have taken the rap for someone else… and… (flashbacks to Salamence Incident) that person… was….

Ruby: (out loud) … me?! That person who set Rayquaza free… was it me…?!

Norman: Yes.

And then he dies!

(Technically he says “oh I did all that out of love” (paraphrased) and then dies but it’s just a continuation of the previous thing).

Norman, before dying, does not say “I’m proud of you” or “I’m sorry for everything” or anything remotely comforting, instead he says “hey Ruby, you’re responsible for my death and all your childhood trauma alongside your friend’s. Peace.” (this is paraphrased).

Even on his actual deathbed, Norman places the blame on Ruby for Norman’s own actions. He makes Ruby feel guilty for Norman leaving, Norman hiding information from him, and Ruby’s tumultuous childhood.

CONCLUSION

None of this is to say that Norman doesn’t love Ruby or that Ruby doesn’t love him back— I’m fairly positive the two of them love each other dearly and want the best for each other. However, Norman is a child abuser who reacts violently, instigates violence, and then turns around and denies said violence. He creates a culture of fear among his family, gives Ruby some serious communication issues, and the narrative takes his side. Norman is a child abuser in canon and has a very VERY profound effect on Ruby which has emotional ramifications throughout Ruby’s entire character arc all the way until oras.

TLDR: Normans sucks man

[questionablygourmet]

can you write about how hannibal manipulated jack throughout season 1 and 2. like episode by episode. or not if it's too much bother.

oh BOY can I EVER  :)

Episode by episode is probably a bit much because the individual instances mostly fall into a couple of categories (and uh, there are a lot of individual instances), but let’s hit the highlights!

Season 1 is basically, 1) cozy up to Jack, 2) whip Jack into a frenzy about the Ripper (since it’s convenient, and he has reputation to defend), 3) point Jack’s suspicions at Will.

Cozying up to Jack is actually quite easy: Hannibal is a highly respected professional who carries himself with all the markers of success, but crucially, easily (and, I think, naturally) side-steps any attitudes or behaviors that would make Jack see him as either an adversary or subordinate.  He offers his opinion when asked for it, but without any (apparent) agenda; he avoids both overt disagreement and deference.  (Contrast to Alana, who regularly expresses direct opinions about what actions Jack should or shouldn’t take and regularly gets ignored and dismissed.  I don’t think this is out of any particular disrespect toward her; Jack doesn’t respond well to challenges to his authority from anyone.)  A couple of friendly dinner invitations and they’re off to a fine start, Hannibal having established himself as a friendly peer toward a man who clearly doesn’t have very many of those.  

I think it speaks to how successful this early establishment of himself as a friend is that Jack doesn’t ever express anything negative toward Hannibal about seeing Bella as a patient (initially without Jack’s knowledge) once he finds out about Bella’s cancer, though perhaps that’s more a matter of how Hannibal handles it when Jack shows up at his office looking for her: there, he defers to Jack there when strictly speaking, professionally, he probably shouldn’t.  

Anyway, Hannibal maintains this position as Jack’s apparent friend and ally both professionally and personally.  He tells Jack what he wants to hear when his professional advice is sought, and makes himself available as a confidant outside the professional sphere.  

Meanwhile, he makes ample use of his trusted position when Abel Gideon brings the question of the Chesapeake Ripper back into the foreground.  He gets to hear all about where they are on the case from Will AND Jack AND Chilton AND Alana; he gets to tag along on their “Ripper” bust in Sorbet, and then he starts messing with Jack directly, via the phone call and Miriam Lass’s severed arm.  He had to have already been planning on framing Chilton, given how primed Miriam is to implicate him in season 2 (and meanwhile, he’s encouraging Chilton’s worst tendencies with respect to Gideon, probably both to up the drama factor and help sell the idea of his guilt).  

But meanwhile, Will’s getting dangerously close to the truth and isn’t amenable to being convinced to leave the field work behind, so as s1 draws to a close, he makes a point of sharing his “concerns” about Will with Jack repeatedly.  Always apparently reluctantly - the image he’s selling is that he’s genuinely sympathetic and benevolent toward Will, but ultimately loyal to Jack (and by extension, The Law).  That reluctance - and his subsequent advocacy for Will in s2a - is a significant part of his deception.  

There’s one more specific thing in s2, before we get to the point where at first he’s trying to keep treading water where Jack’s concerned, and then where the jig is essentially up, and that’s when he prevents Bella’s suicide by intervening when she shows up to her appointment after overdosing on morphine.  I think the coin flip there is genuine; he has good (well, “good.”  logical-per-Hannibal-Lecter-logic, anyway) reasons on a personal level to both let her die according to her own choice and to prevent it.  On a practical level, it’s hard to predict what her death at that time might mean regarding its effect on Jack; there’s equally valid arguments for it being beneficial to let her die or to prevent it.  When he makes his choice, though, he milks it for all it’s worth - “It wasn’t what I could do for Bella, it was what I couldn’t do to you.”

After that it’s a (relatively) straightforward trajectory.  Jack’s trust in Hannibal is inevitably shaken by just a few too many people pointing in the same direction about the Ripper.  Beverly is killed by the Ripper after she’s been repeatedly consulting with Will.  Will correctly calls out Hannibal’s dinner party right before Hannibal himself announces it.  Chilton relays Gideon’s revelations about the s1 events in Hannibal’s dining room to Jack (even though Gideon refuses to re-confirm what he was recorded saying to Will).  Hannibal plays for sympathy whenever he gets the chance after Matthew Brown nearly kills him, and then uses Alana as an alibi, but by mid-s2, Jack is too wary for these attempts to really regain ground.  

There’s a bit in the Su-Zakana script, where Jack and Will are having dinner at Hannibal’s (the trout they’re shown fishing for at the beginning of the episode), that makes me think maybe at the fishing scene Jack isn’t 100% sold on Hannibal being the Ripper, still, but can’t ignore Will anymore and wants to see where it might go:

Hannibal, meanwhile, is trying to re-cement the idea of solidarity and friendship between them, as Chilton has recently been fingered as the Ripper (and subsequently shot) by Miriam.  This is part and parcel to how he behaves with Jack from here on out, trying to slip back into the easy position of their relationship in s1, but largely failing at it on account of Jack’s suspicion, and the fact that Hannibal is now too invested (and embroiled) in going down the rabbit hole of his relationship with Will.  

[ladyfogg]

Cold is the Night - 10/20

Cold is the Night - 10/20

Fic Summary: You and Pat have known each other for years but this summer, everything will change. As the two of you start to grow close, your matching tempers threaten the foundation of your rocky friendship and prevent both of you from realizing your true feelings. Cold is the Night Masterpost. 

A/N: You guys have been so amazing, I am blown away by your messages and responses. I can’t believe how quickly this has taken off! I love this story and it makes me all warm and fuzzy that you guys seem to love it too.

Fic Song: Cold is the Night by The Oh Hellos. Fic playlist can be found here. 

Pairing: Pat Murray/Female Reader

Rating: NC-17

Warnings: Language, Slow Burn, Eventual Smut, Multiple Chapters

Gif by @joemazzellos-blog

By some miracle, you didn't get fired. Mostly your boss wanted to make sure you were okay and to ask for the complete story so he could write up a report for the managers. Drunk Guy wasn’t allowed anywhere near the bar and he was determined to let the others know why. 

You were still furious with Vinnie and Pat. You had had the situation under control until they jumped in and made everything worse. 

Vinnie stepping in was understandable. He was your big brother and though you and he fought constantly, he would be damned if someone else tried anything. 

You were more bothered by Pat stepping in than you thought you would be. Part of it definitely had to do with possibly losing your job. But it was much more than that. At least it felt like it was. You couldn’t quite put your finger on it and you didn’t want to get into a discussion with Pat until you could fully explain your feelings. 

So, you did what you always do. You turned your phone off and gave yourself time to fume.

When you turned your phone on Monday morning, you had several missed calls and texts from him. But they didn’t keep coming, and you weren’t sure if you were happy or bummed about it. You distracted yourself with work and arranging your house. It helped. Somewhat. 

On the day of the game, you couldn't bring yourself to go. You wanted to, badly, but you were worried about getting into another fight with Pat. Or worse, seeing him and instantly forgiving him. You had done that in the past before and it always came back to bite you in the ass. 

"Nellie, it's all a fucking mess."

You were currently slumped over your kitchen table as Nellie cleaned the coffee mugs you two had just used. It was the day after the game and while you wanted to talk to Pat more than anything, you still couldn’t figure out your feelings.

"Yes, yes it is," Nellie said. "You want to know how to fix it?"

"Yes, please tell me."

"Fucking call him."

“You know I can’t do that. Not yet.”

“Why not?”

You sighed heavily and sat back in your chair. “Because I honestly don’t know what to tell him. Every time I think about it, my anxiety goes through the roof and my mind goes blank. Also, what if he doesn't want to hear from me?"

"He does."

"How do you know? I was pretty bitchy to him."

"He’s crazy about you, he’ll understand. Besides, he’s been more than bitchy to you on numerous occasions.”

You were torn. One part of you told you to hold strong to your feelings, another said to let them go and just forgive him. The latter part of you came from years of keeping your emotions bottled up and you were working on telling that part to fuck off. Your emotions were valid, no matter how confusing they were. 

“He's going to want to know why I reacted the way I did. How can I explain it?" you asked.

"Just be honest," Nellie said. "You were right to be pissed that he picked a fight at your job."

"It's more than that though," you said. "When he threw that punch, I just had a flashback of my ex doing the same thing."

"Pat's not your ex. And if he says it wasn't jealousy, then you should listen to him."

"My ex said the same thing too."

Nellie sighed your name. "Don't blame Pat for the past actions of someone else."

“That’s easier said than done. I can’t just undo years of emotional abuse.”

“And I’m not asking you to. No one is. But you can’t approach Pat like he’s your ex. He doesn’t deserve that. He’s his own person, this is a completely different situation. You have to try to remind yourself of that. I’m not saying to up and forgive him. I’m just telling you to talk it out.”

She was right. Pat had reacted instinctively. He had no idea what you had been through. How could he? You hadn't told him. 

But what if you did tell him and he didn't understand? What if he thought you were too much work and decided he wasn't up to dealing with your baggage? 

While talking it out seemed like the most logical step, anxiety didn’t play nice with logic. It took your worst fears and convinced you they were the truth, no matter how hard you tried to remind yourself they weren't. 

Just then, a knock came at the door. Confused, you went to answer it only to find a delivery woman holding a large bouquet of flowers. She said your name in confirmation before she handed them over.

"These are for you."

Stunned, you took the bouquet, your heart racing. “Um, I didn’t order any flowers.”

“Someone ordered them for you,” she smiled. “He was pretty insistent they be delivered today.”

He.

Pat.

It had to be. He was the only one to ever give you flowers. 

Burying your nose in the rose petals, you inhaled their scent with a smile. “I’m sure he was.”

“Where should I put the others?”

“The what now?”

Ten minutes later she left and you found yourself in the living room, every surface covered in various flower arrangements. They were a rainbow of colors, all bright and fresh as if they had just been cut that morning.

In the largest bouquet, you found a small card written in untidy handwriting. All it said was: I’m ready to talk when you are.

Nellie came in from the kitchen just as you set the card down. “Vinnie just called, he’s--holy shit! Who died? Oh my god, did one of us die?”

You laughed, face flushed. “No one died. They’re from Pat.”

Nellie gave you a smug smile and crossed her arms. “I told you he’s crazy about you.”

“Apparently so.”

She plucked a flower for herself, tucking it behind her ear. “I was going to ask if you wanted to come with Vinnie and me to dinner but I think you have a phone call to make.”

“Yes, yes I do.”

"What are you going to say?"

"I have no fucking idea."

Nellie left a short while later, but it still took you some time to work up the nerve to grab your phone. Even when you did, you quickly put it back down. You admired the flowers, realizing Pat must have ordered every arrangement they had. While it was overkill, it was incredibly sweet. And very Pat.

You glanced down at the sweatshirt you were wearing, the one he had left the day after your party. You had worn it every time you were home. At first it was because it smelled like him, even after you had washed it. Once that faded, you kept wearing it because it reminded you of him.

Finally, unable to stand it any longer, you took a deep breath, picked up the phone, and called him. 

It only rang once before he answered breathlessly. “Hello?”

Just the sound of his voice made your heart skip a beat. You swallowed thickly before answering. “Hey, Murray."

He paused, almost as if it took him a moment to register it was actually you on the other line. "You called."

"I just got your little presents.”

“Do you like them? I didn’t know what kind of flowers you liked so I just got them all.”

“Uh, yeah, I can see that.”

There was a beat of awkward silence before he spoke up. “I’m really glad you reached out,” he said, sounding relieved. “I thought you wouldn’t.”

“I’m sorry for ignoring you. I just...I needed to work some stuff out.”

“Are you home? Can I come over? I want to see you.”

“I want to see you too,” you said. “But, we shouldn’t right now. I still need some space.”

“Oh...okay. Of course. Whatever you need.” Pat sounded like he was trying to come across as understanding but you could tell he was hurting just as bad as you were.

It brought tears to your eyes and you squeezed them shut, trying to will them away. The last thing you wanted was to hurt him.

Hearing his voice was so much worse than you thought it would be. How had this happened? How had Pat Murray become so important to you that just hearing him made your heart try to leap out of your chest?

Pat said your name when you didn’t respond for a while. “Are you still there?”

“Yeah, yeah I’m here, sorry,” you said, clearing your throat. 

“We don’t need to talk right now if you aren’t up for it,” Pat said. “I don’t mind staying on the line. I’ve got nowhere else to be.”

You couldn’t help but chuckle. “You just want to sit in silence on the phone with me?” 

"Yes."

"Why?"

“Because at least I know you’re there.”

“Murray, why do you have to say such cute shit when I’m being emotional? How dare you?”

“I’m terribly sorry,” he teased. “Let me fix it.” He cleared his throat before speaking in a forced, nonchalant voice. “It’s whatever, babe. I mean, you can just call me later. It’s cool.”

“Ugh, never talk like that again. You sound like Barone."

Pat chuckled, speaking regularly. “Noted. I wanted to punch myself if that makes you feel better.”

“A little.”

Silence followed again, this time more comfortable than before. You absentmindedly played with one of the roses, thinking of how the softness of the petal reminded you of Pat’s lips. 

“For what it's worth, I really am sorry,” Pat said in a soft voice. “I didn’t mean to get you in trouble.”

“I know you didn’t, Pat. Besides, I didn’t actually get in trouble. So it’s okay.”

“No, not it’s not okay,” he said. “People are always telling me to get a grip on my anger and I don’t care if it affects me personally, but I care if my anger affects you.”

In that moment, you realized how incredibly different Pat was from anyone you had ever been with before. His consideration in the face of his own shitty behavior made you want to take stock of yourself and make sure you also owned up to your actions. 

“Thank you. It means a lot to me to hear you say that.”

“You’re welcome.”

More silence.

"So…" You didn't know what to say but you felt like you should say something. "How was the game?"

"Ugh, fucking miserable."

"I'm sorry. Did you guys lose?"

"No. We won."

"Then why was it miserable?"

Pat didn't answer right away. When he did, his voice was quiet. "I was distracted."

Well shit.

"I'm sorry, Pat. I didn't mean to…"

"Don't. It's not your fault," Pat interrupted, stopping you from blaming yourself. "If I was better at baseball I wouldn't get distracted so easily."

"Don't do that. Don't put yourself down. You know I hate when you do."

"I can't help it."

"Well try. For me."

"For you? Anything."

You smiled, hugging your knees to your chest. You happened to look at the clock and sighed when you caught sight of the time. “I need to get ready for work,” you said sadly. “I should probably hang up now.”

“Can we...are you comfortable texting me again? I miss talking to you.”

You almost said no, but you knew deep down it wasn’t what you wanted. You missed talking to him too much. “Yeah. We can text again.”

“Cool...great.” You could hear him smiling. “Have a good night at work.”

“I’ll try.”

When you hung up, you felt much better. There was still a lot you needed to figure out on your own, but knowing Pat would be there waiting made all the difference. 

[wolfjustdraws]

AUgust Day 3 Single Parent AU Lockbinslyle

“Playdate” - Lockwood x George x Lucy

Lockwood and Co. Series

Summary: Playdates are for everyone, not just kids.

AU: Single Parents

————Lockwood————

“Nat. Natty, wake up, baby. It’s morning”

I shook on my daughter’s small shoulder, careful so to not be too rough. She groaned under the covers and rolled over until she was facing me. Her small hands appeared from under the blankets and balled into fists, rubbing her eyes and yawning in that childish way of hers.

“Good morning, princess” I cooed lovingly.

“Morning daddy” She smiled sleepy. I sneaked my arms around her and carried her off the bed. Natasha wrapped her arms around my neck and laid her head on my shoulder as I walked out of the room. Setting her down on the floor, she walked to the bathroom and I strode back to her bedroom.

It was a nicely decorated room with baby pink, plump unicorns trotting along the walls and fairies flying around them, with some birds singing as well. There was a big, white wardrobe and a boudoir full of stuffed puppies, kittens and more unicorns, of all sizes and colors, but mostly pinks and purples. My little Natty loves unicorns.

I opened the wardrobe and peered at the different shades of pink, white and violet that met my eyes, all different dresses, skirts and blouses. I finally settled for a soft bubblegum pink dress, white tights and shiny red shoes, which I laid on the bed for my daughter to dress with.

She came out of the bathroom, now awake and with her teeth properly brushed. I walked back to my room and went about dressing myself. Today was Saturday, so I didn’t have to go to work, and Nat didn’t have school or play dates with her friends, which meant today we would get to spend it together.

So, I dressed in a pair of slacks, a white shirt and my shoes, combed my hair and walked out of my room. Natasha was sitting on her bed, dress already on but struggling to pull on the stockings.

“Here princess, let daddy help you” I knelt before her and took the leotards on my hands. As I pulled and pushed the garments, I thought back to the first time I ever helped a woman with her tights. Deloris Wynter.

I met her back when I was in college; a young law student who tripped over a theater student on the halls. A fast encounter, not even long enough to count as one.Yet, that had been all I needed to be head over heels for her.

I looked for her all around campus like a mad man for weeks and when I finally found her, I asked her out and dated her. And we dated for long years to come. She helped me study for my exams and memorize my books. I attended all her concerts, plays and musicals.

And the night of her last presentation in college, I sneaked to the dressing room while nobody was watching. She had been adjusting her tight’s costume when I entered. She asked me to help her accommodate the hairnet stockings. When I finished, I did did what I had come to do. I proposed. And she said yes.

We got married a few months later, after I got a stable job in a good firm. We lived together on our own for two years before we knew Deloris was pregnant. The second best surprise I was ever given in my life.

However, it was only a few months after Natasha was born that the worst surprise of my life got here. Barely after midnight, a hand gripped and pulled me out of my slumber. I was shaken from the bed by my wife, who gripped tightly at her chest and wheezed with every breath. Something was wrong. I took my daughter and my wife and drove to the hospital as fast as the traffic let me.

The seeming hours in the emergency were a agony; the nurses couldn’t give me any updates on how Deloris was, Natasha wouldn’t stop crying and the old couple that sat at the other side of the room wouldn’t stop bickering.

And when a doctor finally came to look for me, it was only to tell me my cherished Deloris had just died from a heart attack. Spontaneously. No sickness on any organ that could have caused it. No genetic tendency. No sign that could have helped prevent this. Just like that, after falling asleep while watching one of my Deloris’s favorite movies in bed, the pain came, she was taken from me.

“Will you do my hair, daddy?”  Nat asked me once her tights were correctly placed.

“Sure thing, baby girl, want me to make it a pony tail?”

“Half pony tail!” My daughter exclaimed as she ran to her boudoir and brought back her brush, some rubber bands and ribbons.

It took me months to get over my dearest wife’s death. Months of anger, of crying, months of neglecting my daughter because I thought I needed alone time to get better. But no, I came to realize the only thing I really needed was Natasha. She got me through.

“Done!” I proclaimed, adjusting the bow on my daughter’s dark brown hair.

“You make the best hairdos, daddy!”

“Thanks princess! Now, let’s go make breakfast, shall we?”

“Yay! Pancakes!” Nat yelled and ran out of the room and down the stairs. I followed her down and into the kitchen “Can they be the chocolate chips ones, daddy?”

“I don’t see why not” I opened the fridge and took out the box of frozen pancakes “And, Natty, how about we go to the park today? We can go and look at the flowers”

“Yay!”

————George————

“Morning son”

“Hi dad”

Ben walked slowly inside the kitchen in his crumpled pajamas, rubbing an eye with his fist. In his other hand he held his favorite stuffed animal; a lion, without which, I knew, he was never able to sleep.

“You slept well?”

“Yes, and I finished my book!” He called out excitedly while taking a seat at the table. I looked up from my laptop and left it aside.

“And how did you like it?” I asked. Benjamin drank water from the glass that sat before him, carefully setting it back on the table. I stood from where I sat and started walking around the kitchen, thinking of what I could make for breakfast, after all, its not going to prepare itself.

“Well, I felt like it could have gone better if the Mr Addicot…”

As my hands got to work about making food, I focused on what my son was saying. Benjamin in some aspects was very much like me, for example his love for books, his insatiable curiosity and his unreadable handwriting. In some other aspects he was very much like his mother.

Silvia Ringrose.

Ever heard of ‘love at first sight? It was something along those lines, but we were more annoyed at each other. I had met her one night at a coffeeshop. I had been working late on a presentation I had to give the next day, and she had been arranging, fixing and rearranging charts for her finances project of the semester. We had been sitting right in front of the other without noticing, both absolutely engrossed in our computers.

After some time, one of the waiters brought something one of us had ordered, but since we were both so absorbed on our work we did’t listen to what it was and we both grabbed it at the same time.

From there, our relationship grew and became stable enough. Four years of dating each other while we finished our studies, and one year more after we graduated, then I proposed to her. I was love-dumbfounded back then and very content when she said yes without doubting for a second.

I let Silvia organize the wedding the way she wanted it, after all, party planning is not my thing, and I was fine with it as long as we did got married. For any men who’s not married yet, this is my only advice: never give you girlfriend absolute creative control over the wedding planning, or you’ll end up with a Kim Kardashian-level party.

It was only a few months later that our Benjamin was born. We both loved our son with everything we had to offer. Or at least I thought we did. Only two years later did I noticed how Silvia’s behavior changed: some days she’d call me during the day to ask me to pick up Ben from daycare and at night she’d call again to say how she wouldn’t make it home in time. Most of those nights I was already asleep when she arrived and would only get to see her before she woke up for work, though some other times she wasn’t even home by the time the sun rose.

Some other days she’d call saying she was home early, and when I got home she’d already be in bed, well tucked and fast asleep.

She had changed. My suspicions were confirmed one day when I arrived home. I wasn’t early or anything, this was a normal day for me. Benjamin was downstairs watching his favorite movie and eating candy. Apparently mommy was upstairs working with her friend. So I went up, and indeed, she was with her ‘friend’. Fucking on our bedroom.

A month later the divorce was signed and I had full custody of my son. Silvia walked out of my door without much as a second glance or a second thought.

“…and if Mr Addicot hadn’t tried to stop Sophie then she wouldn’t have ran away with the witch” Ben concluded.

“Yes, Mr Addicot was rather foolish, wasn’t he?” I finished making scrambled eggs and placed some bread on the toaster, then walked to the fridge “Milk or juice?”

“Juice please, dad”

“So, its Saturday” I placed the food on the table and sat down again “What do you want to do today?”

“mmmh…” My son’s hair was dirty blond and straight, falling on his forehead and close to his eyes, unlike mine which was sandy yellow and curly. That was one of the things he had gotten from him mum. His big brown eyes were mouse-like and he’d definitely look like a baby mouse if he was a bit chubbier “Can we go to the park today, dad?”

“Sure”

————Lucy————

“Mommy! Mommy! Wake up!”

The mattress shifted under me with new added weight and I felt as various figures moved about me. Two pairs of hands appeared on my shoulders and shook me insistently. I groaned in response and only shifted under the covers.

“Come on, mommy!”

The TV was suddenly turned on in the room and I heard the clicking of tiny things against the wooden floor as something else entered the room. Opening my eyes, I reached from under my pillows to the nightstand where a clock rested and read 10:28 a. m.

“Kids, its Saturday morning” I groaned and turned once more under my covers, resettling myself and closing my eyes once again.

“But mommy! We made you breakfast!” Now, that was concerning. I immediately sat straight on the bed and looked at the two kids sitting with me.

“You kids didn’t burn the kitchen, did you?” I asked them.

“No, we didn’t” The little boy said proudly.

“You didn’t spill anything, did you?”

“No” The girl giggled.

“And you kids did not set Bubbles’s bed in fire again, did you?”

“No! We were careful! We promise!” They raised their hands to their little chests and then offered me their pinky fingers of the other hand. I smiled tenderly and offered them my pinky finger.

“Alright then” Before getting up, Bubbles appeared beside me and jumped on the bed too, coming up to lick my face gleefully “Yes, yes, good morning to you too”

“So, come on then mommy!” My son, Freddy, jumped from the bed, took my hand and pulled.

“Ok, ok, I’m coming! Just give me a second” Pushing myself out of bed, I reached put my slippers on and let myself be dragged by my kids. Through the hall and down the stairs until we  reached the kitchen, the table set with three bowls ready, cereal, milk, a plate with biscuits and a jug of apple juice.

“Told you we didn’t burn anything” Rosie smiled at me.

“Thanks for preparing breakfast kids” I sat down between them at the table and served them. Bubbles came running from upstairs and immediately sat at my heels. I smiled contentedly at the sight of my children eating, milk dripping down their chins. And to think that some years back I would have done everything in my power to avoid a family.

The memories of my neglecting family had made me choose a single life, so when I started my studies as an art student, I decided to dedicate my entire existence to my art and nothing more. That got me successfully out of college with a bright and shiny future ahead of me. The world opened at my feet with open arms.

Still, like any sane woman with needs, I hooked up with many men, all of them from similar professions, and some times more than one of them at a time, but I never got myself involved into any serious relationships. I had no time for that.

Still, the inevitable happened. I got myself pregnant. With whom, I never knew and I didn’t cared. I was having a baby and I did not want that! I couldn’t have a baby, it’d ruin my career! That was all family was good for, ruining lives and making people miserable.

So, I made my decision. I’d have the baby and then I’d give it up for adoption. No questions asked, no father asking for money, no kids crying in the night. Problem solved.

As my pregnancy progressed, I found myself to be enormously inspired by the moods I was thrown into by the hormones. My paintings took a sharp turn and my productiveness spiked. I was in Artist Dreamland. Inspiration rolled off me in waves and I had nothing else to thank for than the baby that was growing inside me.

Then, when my pregnancy seemed to be going a little too fast, I was told I was carrying twins. That news scared me out of my mind: I had started to get fond of the little parasite, I knew, but now there were two. I realized with a heavy heart that I didn’t really wanted to give it away, but how could I take care of two kids on my own? Money was no problem, really, but I was a single woman, and proud to be, wouldn’t that affect the kids?

Before I knew it, my time for thinking was done, and I gave birth to a boy and a girl.

The new pride and joy of my life.

“I’ll go get Bubbles’s leash” Rosie chirped as she stood from her seat, leaving her bowl on the sink.

“What for?” I asked her.

“To go to the park!” Freddy exclaimed happily “You said we’d go to the park today!”

“I said that? I don’t remember” I said with a smirk.

“Mom!” The kids wailed in high-pitched voices. I laughed as they both hugged me and looked up with their best puppy-faces.

“I’m just kidding! Of course we’re going to the park”

————Lockwood————

The weather was very agreeable today. Not cloudy enough for it to rain all day, with a few patches of spring sun here and there, but with a promise of at least some drizzle in the late afternoon.

Hyde Park was only a few minutes away by cab. I sat at the back with Natasha sitting beside me, her favorite unicorn plushie in her arms. She was looking out the window excitedly, signaling here and there with her tiny, chubby hand and giggling happily.

The driver stopped in front one of the entrances and dropped us there. I paid for the ride and took my daughter’s hand in mine, walking away. The trees were bright green and fresh, the smell of wet grass lingering from this morning.

“Look daddy! Look at the flowers!” Natty pointed at the batches of pink, red and blue that out stood on the green “Aren’t they pretty?”

“Yes, princess, they are!” I said and swept her off the ground. My baby daughter screamed and giggled in my arms as I trotted blissfully on the path. After a few seconds of spinning her about I placed her on my hip and kept walking. She wrapped her arms and legs around me and placed a kiss on my cheek.

We kept going for a few more minutes until we arrived to the playground. There were kids everywhere, running around the place and climbing on the games. Some were playing on the sandpit and other laughed as they took turns pushing each others on the swing sets.

I placed Nat on the ground and kneeled down.

“Now, play nice with the other kids, do not be mean and remember to share Sugar Cookie with the other kids if they ask nicely first”

“Yes daddy” I hugged her one last time before letting her go. I watched as she ran to the sandpit with her unicorn in hand, then I moved around to find bench in which to sit.

There were many other kids in the playground, on the monkey bars, the swing sets and the sandpit, and some others playing on the grass with their own toys. Of course, the surrounding area was filled with parents like myself, sitting or standing, talking among themselves or silently reading books, some even had their phones out or laptops in which they typed furiously.

As soon as I found a place to sit from which I had a good view of the play area, I got a call from a client. I didn’t usually received calls on weekends, those were reserved for my daughter, but when I did got them, I made sure to answer.

I talked to my client, Mr Jacob Evans, for a while, until I noticed some of the kids were tumbling out of the sand with scared looks on their little pudgy faces. Among them, Nat ran out of the pit as well, still with Sugar Cookie on her hands.

“Daddy!” She called me scaredy. I got up to my feet hurriedly and took her in my arms “A boy is pushing other kids!”

————George————

“MOMMY!”

A shrill cry made all parents look back at the play area. Most of the kids were now running back to their mothers and fathers, or running off to hide behind the bigger games or trees.

On the sandpit, a small group of slightly older boys stood before three little figures. The first of the, a small boy in blue shorts and red shirt with a design of a robot on it, was standing challengingly before the older boys with tears running down his chubby cheeks, his tiny hands balled into fists. The other two sat on the sand; a little girl in purple skirt and blue shirt, looking like she just saw the monster under her bed come out. The last kid was Benjamin, crying freely and rubbing his cheeks, which were covered in dirt. I immediately rose to my feet.

A woman who sat close to the area ran up to where the kids stood. She looked between the two boys, then to the girl and Benjamin, then her gaze hardened like steel on a cooler.

“What is going on here?” She asked, her voice cold with anger.

“He pushed Benny!” The little boy rose a finger accusingly “And he was saying mean things to Rosie!”

“Ben?” I called him as I approached the scene. My son ran up to me and clung to my jumper as I got closer, burying his face on the fabric after I lifted him in my arms.

“Him, daddy!” A new, also frilly voice exclaimed. Another girl walked over, pulling a man, her dad presumably, with her. He too, like the woman and myself, looked pissed at his daughter was pointing at.

Not a moment later those boys’ parents came up too. Now calmly, the kids re-explained what happened and the boys were told to apologize by their parents, which they begrudgingly did. After that, they were taken by the hand, walked away and left.

“Are you ok, Benny?” The little boy in red shirt asked my son. In my arms, Ben wiggled a little until I lowered him to the ground.

“Yes, I’m alright” He mumbled.

“Yay! Then we can keep playing, right mommy?” He turned to look at the woman, who chuckled lightly while comforting the girl in her arms, apparently her daughter. Taking more time to bask in detail now, I noticed she wore some jeans overall covered in all-colors painting dots and slashes, a white blouse to go under it. Though loose and a little baggy, the overalls complimented her curvy and maternal figure, accentuating the wideness of her hips and her waist.

“I don’t see why not”

“Can we stay a little longer, dad?” Benjamin asked, looking up at me with the same pleading eyes with which he always asked for a new book. Now, this was an unusual occurrence. I know perfectly well that Ben is normally picked up on by other kids, and this was the reason why he normally disliked coming to the park. That he had asked to come was already unusual.

When I noticed him playing with other kids instead of just staring at them playing, I was fully convinced this day would be out of the ordinary. Whenever he came up to me, telling me that the other kids were being mean to him, Ben always asked if we could go back home, a request I was always happy to comply with. Like him, I have always been a difficult person to socialize, though for different reasons.

Now, he was asking that we stayed, not that we left like we usually did.

I eyed the kids once more: the small boy in shorts and red shirt, the girls in skirts and nice shirts, and once again to my son in his khaki shorts and sky blue vest. Then I smiled.

“Of course”

“Come Rosie!” The boy called as he pulled Benjamin along to the swings. The girl wiggled in her mother’s arms until she was let down and went behind her brother.

“Can we stay too, daddy?” The other, slightly-older-looking girl asked the man who’s hand she was taking. Upon closer inspection, again allowing myself to bask a little more on the details, I observed how well dressed he was; black slacks, white t-shirt and dress shoes. His slacks were tight on his long legs, his shirt well tucked into them, also a little tight-looking. Not exactly something to wear at a park.

“Yes dear, now run along” He said and the girl took happily off after the other kids.

————Lucy————

“Anthony Lockwood” The man in coat-less suit said extending a hand to me, a wide and gleaming smile flashing. It took almost all ounce of self-control not to put a hand over my eyes to cover the way the sun shined upon his pearl-white teeth. He stood at least a head taller than me, if not more, in that tight-fitting suit he seemed so weirdly comfortable in.

“Lucy Carlyle” I shook his hand, then he turned to the other man and again offered his hand. He had a mop of unruly blond hair that fell on his forehead but not near enough that it covered his bright blue eyes. He wore a green jumper and some cream-colored pants that told me that, like my own, his sense of clothing was rusty.

“George Cubbins” He said, shaking his and my hand, then pushed his round glasses up his nose.

“Is this a common occurrence?” The tall suited man, Mr Lockwood, asked while looking in the direction the kids ran.

“For my son, yes” Mr Cubbins said “He is usually victim to bigger kids wanting to do mischief”

“My daughter too” I agreed “But my son, Freddy, knows how to repel bullies”

“How?” Mr Lockwood turned to me.

“By yelling ‘mom!’ like bloody murder” I laughed and both men beside me chuckled light-heartedly “That always seems to catch them off guard. Then I appear and the bullies flee”

“No wonder why, I might have actually fled in terror myself” Mr Lockwood said while I and Mr Cubbins snorted amusedly.

“I’ll take that as a compliment, mr-”

“Oh no, just call me Lockwood! No need for formalities. After all, your kids seems to have befriended my daughter”

“Thank god they have” Mr Cubbins, or rather, George said with a heavy sight “I was starting to fear Benjamin would remain a hermit forever”

“Oh, my son finds friends even where there are none!” I exclaimed chuckling “His sister just goes along with him most of the time, except if she knows they’ll get in trouble”

“They sound like quite a pair”

“Our poor dog is witness to their mischief” Then I remembered. I looked back to the table I had been sitting in before Freddy yelled, and saw my bag with the notebook I had been sketching on open, Bubbles playing with a toy beside the table.

“Is that your dog?” Lockwood asked beside me.

“Yes, Bubbles, our puppy”

“What did your kids do to it?” George asked as we briefly watched the dog shaking the squeaky toy.

“They set his bed on fire after I left the kitchen to answer the phone” They laughed as they imagined the little white Pomeranian running away from a blazing dog bed.

In the end the three of us sat at a table and talked some more about our kids (told some embarrassing and some not-so embarrassing anecdotes about them) and some other matters, until we agreed it was getting dark.

We collected our children and exchanged numbers in hopes of later arranging playdates for the kids to see each other again. Then we all took out leave.

As I drove back home and watched my babies dozing off on their seats, I thought back to the two men, Lockwood and George. I was surprised to find that when we talked I had been comfortable enough to share stories about my kids, which I normally didn’t with almost nobody. I preferred to keep the matters about my family to myself, but today I chatted and chatted like a teenager talking about her crush with her best friends.

There was something about them, I wasn’t sure what, that made me feel at ease. Something reassuring and uplifting that inspired trust and gave my stomach a giddy softness.

For some reason I was excited to see when the playdate would be arranged.

[shamankingasakuraworld]

Asanoha Douji

So, here history of family begins. I already made ( not so) small post about what i think her personality was. See https://shamankingasakuraworld.tumblr.com/tagged/asanoha-douji, only post there besides this one. Beware, there might be spoilers. 

Asanoha Douji. First known member of Asakura family, before that name existed. Formidable woman and excellent mother. Hailed as kitsune. Hated by her neighbors. Killed by dastardly priest. Mother of series’s main villain. One who arguably, saves the day in end with her slaps.

We don’t know much about her. We know that villagers with which she lived were all human, that they had her murdered, leaving her infant son alone. I learnt that according to one fanbook ( Mentalite, i think) Hao’s father was human and samurai, and that Hao never met him, and that Asanoha run away, fearing that she and Hao will be discriminated for their powers ( well, even more). Aside from that, we know nothing about her. So here are some theories and headcanons that I have formed.

Warning for long talk, pictures, many headcanons and mentions of discrimination, murder and family and relationship abuse. Because of all this, I’m putting post under read more.

We know that villagers saw Asanoha talking to herself ( in truth, conversing with ghosts and demons). This obviously led to her ostracization. Those who were superstitious would believe her to have supernatural powers ( which she kind of did) and those who didn’t believe in such things would see her as crazy.

As we see here ( images taken from tumbrl), Asanoha lived near forest, appearing to be isolated from other houses, though there was path presumably leading to village. It is likely that Asanoha choose to isolate herself and Hao ( then Asaha) to prevent frequency of attacks on them. This likely also inspired fear and loathing of people there, as Asanoha was brave enough to live so near forest, not afraid of wild animals or spirits, which would strengthen opinion that she was either mad or supernatural creature herself.

Ohachiyo reveals that stories of demon attacks are stories invented by humans, in order to justify things like plagues and wars, especially when it is human’s fault ( for example, throwing corpses in rivers). People who mostly suffered from this were shamans, who were either condoned for being in league with demons, or treated like demons themselves. While what Ohachiyo says isn’t completely true- as we have seen, oni can be pretty vicious- it is likely 90% true. So Asanoha likely became spacegoat for village’s troubles.

I would also say that there was more to ti then just talking to herself, however. She was, according to fanbook, outsider, somebody who came to village from who knows where and set up home for herself. Single mother,  with equally strange child, no husband in sight. I sincerely doubt that Asanoha just accepted treatment village gave her, that she cowered and showed fear. I think that somebody as strong-willed and self-sufficient as her would never do that ( though it remains possibility. people react to discrimination in different, often surprising ways). She likely back-talked to villagers and got in arguments, refusing to back down, very possibly slapping quite a few. She would across as haughty and violent, with surprising strength.  Given that she probably worked alone on fields, and either built her house or restored abandoned one, that would make her social pariah- no family, strange behavior, isolation from village, mysterious past.

Hera appearance could also put some oil on fire. Her blonde hair could have been seen as strange, maybe even unnatural, or proof of mixed heritage ( Shaman King has some rather outrageous hair colors that appear to be natural, but this is putting it in real life context). She is also portrayed with unusual eyes, amber or yellow,  which could have been quite intimidating and taken as proof that she is fox in disguise.

Asanoha, while not hating humans in slightest, was surely careful and maybe even scared when she had to deal with them, with good reason. She wanted to minimize harm that would come to her and Hao, and appears to have found it easier to converse with spirits, who understood what she was and didn’t mistreat her. Given that Hao actually believed that he was demon child till Ohachiyo revealed truth to him, it is possible that Asanoha too had some misgivings about her nature.

If Asanoha came from shaman family,I believe that they were known as tsukimo-tsuji. Clan whose ancestor became kitsune-tsukai, person capable of controlling kitsune because they somehow aided them ( most often by feeding them, helping with cubs or similar). Kitsune was heerditary, and such families became known as tsukimo-tsuji. They were severely discriminated against, particularly if family gained some wealth in short time.

Her family could have truly had contact with kitsune of legends. They could have simply been fox ghost who didn’t still evolve to such state. They could have had no contact at all, but because of their shamanic abilities and some state of circumstances, were believed to be using kitsune to carry out nefarious deeds. As such, samurai who had child with her would have been shunned as well, as his family would be believed to be tainted with black magic by contact with Asanoha.

Another possibility is that she was born in human family that didn’t support her, which could explain reluctance to confront humans and doubts about being demon. I read somewhere really interesting theories about their status ( mostly based on analysis of kimono and her hair, which sadly I’m not qualified to speak about, as I know next to nothing about fashion today, and fashion from thousand years even less), that mentioned possibility of them being nobles who gave Asanoha away for prostitution, due to her being unfit to wed because of her abilities. I think that, even if they weren’t nobles, it is possible they kicked her out, and she became either prostitute or servant in some household.

I have no idea what her relationship with samurai could have been. It may have been romance, tryst that resulted in child and nothing more, or maybe even abuse and rape. Whatever case, she found it necessary to run away.

I doubt her shamanic powers were strong. I believe she could talk with spirits and perform Hyoi Gattai at most. She could have had some minor exorcism knowledge and weak prophetic abilities. I don’t believe she was strong and skilled shaman, for all she was extremely strong individual.

We don’t know where Hao was when Asanoha was killed.Image shows him watching from fence, which would be near house and makes it likely for Densen Hoshi and villagers to catch him. Densen could have spared him, but I find it unlikely. His comment in Mappa Douji, howhe knew he should have killed Hao too, makes me think that Hao hid in house when they came with fire and, at Asanoha’s urging, escaped, or that he was outside at time, and run to forest, and Densen choose not to pursue him because it was too bothersome and because he thought Hao would die, either from starvation or killed by beasts

Asanoha could have heard plans of villagers, been told about them by spirits, or received a vision that led her to either hide Hao, send him away from house, or urge him to leave her behind.

What happened next is mystery. She could have departed for Great Spirits, where she later met Ohachiyo ( who confirms they were in same Soul Society). Why Hao couldn’t summon them is unexplained and plothole at worst. We know that he searched for them. Asanoha claims that they were with him, but he couldn’t see them because he was blinded by his negative feelings. Which also doesn’t really work ( we were never given indication that person’s emotional state affects their ability to perceive spirit world, but it is possible and fits with tone of series). However, it makes me think, why would everybody else be unable to see them? So I have two headcanons

First, Asanoha was metaphorical, and she was in afterlife, but watching over Hao. She may have been in some really faraway corner of afterlife, and hao never reached it due to his heart, and his emotions made him unable to summon them.

Second, just as he absorbed Ohachiyo ( which also needs explanation, as we have never before seen human, much less child, absorb spirit), young Hao by accident absorbed Asanoha’s soul. So she was whole time inside him, but his hatred, loneliness and sorrow blinded him.

[paullassiterca]

Taking No Prisoners in the Vaccine Culture War

By Barbara Loe Fisher

On a cold winter morning in November 2007, I watched hundreds of parents line up with their children in front of a Maryland county courthouse. The children had been kicked out of school by state officials and were truant.

The mothers and fathers were holding letters threatening them with imprisonment or fines of $50 a day for failing to show proof their children had gotten a chickenpox or hepatitis B shot.1

Confused, angry and frightened, but mostly resigned, they were working moms and dads trudging toward the courthouse on a Saturday morning to face a judge ordering them to vaccinate their children or go to jail. Patrolling the scene was an armed SWAT team of policemen with dogs.

The U.S. media turned out that day, but they and other members of the public were kept behind barricades and denied access into the building. I was there with my son, who brought his camera. We were there to witness what was going on with parents whose children had been injured by vaccines. There was no transparency, no public oversight on what was happening to the parents and children inside the building.

I spoke with several mothers leaving the building with their children and learned the sad truth. They were not being asked questions about their child’s medical history or whether the children had experienced health problems after previous vaccinations. No information was given about vaccine side effects or how to monitor their children for signs of vaccine reactions.2 They were not made aware of exemptions to vaccination.

Clearly, preventing vaccine reactions was not a priority for those in charge that day. The children were being injected with not just the two new vaccines added to the state’s school requirement list — hepatitis B and chickenpox — but also with other required vaccines if the public school system could find no record.

One mother told me her children were up to date on their shots but the school system lost the records. She agreed to have her children receive the required vaccines all over again on the spot to avoid being fined or, worse, being sent to jail.

This mother and I were talking hundreds of yards from the front of the courthouse door. We were standing about 12 inches inside a row of large cement stones that had been put there as a barrier to prevent terrorist attacks. Suddenly, out of the corner of my eye I saw an armed guard with a dog emerge from the courthouse. He was walking straight toward us.

I got this sick feeling in the pit of my stomach. It was the surge of shock and dread that any citizen of any country in any century has felt when an armed guard with a dog starts advancing. As if we were criminals or terrorists, he yelled and gestured to us to move behind the stones.

I looked at the mother and my son, who was filming our conversation, and we moved without a word. We were being shown the power of the State wielded by that guard armed with a dog and a gun, just as parents inside the courthouse were being shown the power of the State wielded by doctors with syringes.

US Constitution Protects Freedom to Dissent

When a government policy is unjust and people resist, the last resort is always a show of force. Use of fear, intimidation, discrimination and punishment of dissenting minorities is the hallmark of authoritarian governments and so is censorship and propaganda.

None of these tactics has a place in America, where our Constitution protects civil liberties, including freedom of thought, speech, conscience, religious belief and the right to dissent and petition the government.3,4,5 Twelve years after I watched a state health department flex its muscle at a county courthouse, this year the whole world is watching the multibillion-dollar vaccine industrial complex flex its muscle in America.6,7,8

Declaring a “take no prisoners” war on parents who decline to give their children every dose of every government recommended vaccine, the vaccine industry has been emboldened by the lucrative public-private business partnerships that have been forged over the past four decades with governments and the World Health Organization (WHO).9,10

Vaccine Industry Wants Forced Use of All Vaccines by All People

The win that industry is looking for is a complete shutdown of the public conversation about health and vaccination followed by a mandate by every government to force every child and adult to use every vaccine that drug companies develop and sell.

For children born in America in 1983, the federal government recommended 23 doses of seven vaccines given between 2 months and 6 years old.11 Today, the child vaccination schedule is 69 doses of 16 vaccines given between the day of birth and age 18, with 50 doses administered before age 6, at a current price tag of more than $3,000 per child.12,13

Child Vaccine Schedule Could Double or Triple in Future

For children born in America in the years to come, that vaccine list and cost could double or triple. WHO is encouraging drug companies to fast track more than a dozen new “priority” vaccines to market for children, pregnant women and adults — and you can be sure industry will lobby governments to mandate all of them — respiratory syncytial virus (RSV), Streptococcus A and B, HIV, herpes simplex virus, gonorrhea, E-coli, Shigella, Salmonella, tuberculosis, malaria and more.14

Where is the scientific evidence to support the assumption that forcing everyone to use more vaccines to atypically manipulate our immune systems and repeatedly provoke inflammatory responses in our bodies throughout life will produce better health for all?15,16,17,18,19,20

The Real Public Health Emergency Is Not About Measles

The signs are everywhere that people are trying to throw off the chains binding them to failed medical and public health policies that cost Americans more than $3 trillion a year in health care costs.21

Americans are beginning to understand that trusting blindly and saluting doctors smartly for the past 40 years has not prevented 1 in 6 children from becoming learning disabled,22,23 or 1 in 9 from suffering with asthma,24 or 1 in 10 from struggling with mental and behavior disorders,25 or 1 in 40 from developing autism.26

America now has the worst infant mortality rates,27,28 worst maternal mortality rates29,30 and worst life expectancy31,32 of all developed nations.

Highly vaccinated and medicated Americans are very sick, with millions of children and adults suffering with immune and brain dysfunction marked by chronic inflammation in their brains and bodies33,34 that confines too many of them to special education classrooms and frequent trips to doctors’ offices to try to deal with a lifetime of chronic illness and disability.35,36

No public health official, professor or legislator in America can explain why millions and millions of children and more than half of all adults are chronically ill or disabled.37

This is the real public health emergency that mothers and fathers want to talk about, but Congress and medical trade groups do not want to discuss. This is the elephant in the room at every public hearing on bills proposing to take away or expand vaccine informed consent rights being held in state legislatures today.

No Exception Vaccine Laws Guarantee Denial of Vaccine Casualties

The pharmaceutical industry, which was handed a partial liability shield from vaccine injury lawsuits by the U.S. Congress in 1986,38 which was turned into a total liability shield by the Supreme Court in 2011,39,40,41 is fighting to keep an economic stranglehold on a crumbling U.S. health care system.42,43,44,45

With the government having paid vaccine victims more than $4 billion in federal vaccine injury compensation since 1988 under the National Childhood Vaccine Injury Act,46,47 pharmaceutical corporations do not want to give up the no-risk, stable income stream they get from selling mandated vaccines.48

“No exception” vaccine laws guarantee that good vaccine science will never be done so vaccine casualties can continue to be swept under the rug by denying they exist,49,50,51,52,53 and nobody has to care about the crippled and dead bodies lying on the ground except the mothers and fathers grieving endlessly for what could have been.54

Today, most people know somebody who was healthy, got vaccinated and was never healthy again.55,56 This inconvenient truth is why the vaccine industry must find a way to shut down all public conversation about vaccination and eliminate all vaccine exemptions — and do it now.

Vaccine Risks Not Being Shared Equally by All

In January 2019, the WHO announced that “vaccine hesitant” people, especially parents, are one of the top 10 threats to global health.57 This ominous warning was quickly followed by the declaration of a state of emergency in Washington after a handful of measles cases were confirmed in primarily unvaccinated children.58 

Immediately, the media shifted into overdrive, just like in January 2015 when measles cases were reported in Disneyland and the California legislature quickly removed the personal belief vaccine exemption for school children,59,60,61 despite the biggest public protests the state Capitol had seen since the Vietnam War.

In the first two months of 2019, we have watched thousands of brave parents and health care professionals travel to state capitals and line up with their children at public hearings in Washington,62,63 Arizona,64 Nevada,65 Oregon66 and Capitol Hill.67

They are taking time off their jobs and spending their own money to make the journey to beg lawmakers to protect the legal right for children to get a school education and for parents to exercise voluntary informed consent to vaccine risk taking for their minor children.68

With almost no vaccine contraindications today that qualify for a medical exemption under narrow CDC guidelines,69,70 vaccine risks are not being shared equally by all. One-size-fits-all vaccine laws place an unequal risk burden on, and discriminate against, a vulnerable minority of children, who have genetic, biological and environmental susceptibility to suffering vaccine reactions.71,72,73,74

Why are the lives of vaccine vulnerable children, whom public health officials do not want to acknowledge, valued less than the lives of immune compromised children they will acknowledge?

Calls for Forced Vaccination and Censorship

Since 2015, no state legislature has removed a vaccine exemption.75,76 This year, while 11 states are proposing to restrict or eliminate vaccine exemptions, NVIC is supporting 61 bills that expand exemptions or protect vaccine informed consent rights (as of March 1, 2019), the largest number of bills we have ever supported in a legislative session.77

This pushback against forced vaccination is being met with fury by doctors and lawyers inside and outside of government and by multimedia corporations demanding that parental rights and vaccine exemptions be stripped from state laws and that all information criticizing government vaccine policy be removed from the web.78,79,80

In the past few weeks, high-ranking federal health officials have made false statements in Congress in an effort to mislead lawmakers into believing childhood vaccines like MMR do not carry serious risks.81

The FDA Commissioner has threatened state legislators with federal government intervention if they do not eliminate vaccine exemptions.82,83,84 The Chair of the U.S. House Intelligence Committee has pressured Facebook to block conversations about vaccination and Amazon to censor books and videos containing information about vaccine risks and failures.85 ,86,87

Amazon immediately bowed to that government pressure and removed the movie “Vaxxed” from Amazon Prime Streaming and similar videos critical of vaccine safety.88 However, CNN is urging Amazon to go further and “burn” all the books, too, by completely removing them from the site.89,90

A Washington, D.C., lawmaker reacted to the hype by asking, “What if you take parents out of the equation?” and introduced a bill to allow minor children of any age to get vaccines in the city without a parent’s knowledge or consent after a doctor says the child is “mature” enough to make the decision.91

What is the justification for burning the books and clearing the way for doctors to persuade very young children to get vaccinated without their parents’ knowledge or consent?

The media would have you believe that calls for censorship and the elimination of state vaccine exemptions and parental rights are based on 206 reported cases of measles identified in 11 states between January and March in our population of 328 million people. According to the CDC, “three or more cases” of measles is considered to be an “outbreak.”92

All the blame for measles outbreaks is being put on parents of the less than 2 percent of unvaccinated children attending U.S. schools, where nearly 95 percent of children nationwide have received two doses of measles containing MMR vaccine.93 Aside from the illogical premise that children only catch measles or other infections in school buildings, is the call for censorship and “no exceptions” vaccine laws only about a few hundred cases of measles? I don’t think so.

The Human Right to Autonomy Limits the Power of the State

The demonization of parents and enlightened doctors who criticize vaccine science and government policy is merely the tip of the spear in a larger culture war going on in this and other countries, where economically stable, well-educated populations are beginning to understand they are being exploited by corporations that have made business deals with governments.94,95,96,97,98

The culture wars in the 21st century are about whether the first human right, individual autonomy,99 will survive, or an authoritarian State will own our children and have the power to eliminate civil liberties and sacrifice the lives of certain people for what those in control of the State consider the greater good of society.100

The human right to autonomy protects individuals and vulnerable minorities from being discriminated against and exploited by the State. Who has the moral right, or should have the legal authority, to demand that mothers and fathers violate their conscience and risk their children’s lives or face punishment for refusing to do it?

What kind of government policy demands that kind of involuntary sacrifice? And what kind of government demands that information about the risks and failures of a liability-free pharmaceutical product be censored and withheld from the people being forced to use it?

There is no more important freedom than the freedom to decide when and for what reason you are willing to risk your life or your child’s life. We give up the human right to autonomy at our peril, no matter where or in what century we live.

The outcome of the Vaccine Culture War will determine what it means to be free,101 because if the State can tag, track down and force individuals against their will to be injected with biologicals of known and unknown toxicity today, then there will be no limit on which individual freedoms the State can take away in the name of the greater good tomorrow.

Martin Niemoller prophetically warned that incremental oppression by those in control of an authoritarian State is facilitated by denial, apathy and fear. He said:

“In Germany, they came first for the Communists, and I didn’t speak up because I wasn’t a Communist. Then they came for the Jews, and I didn’t speak up because I wasn’t a Jew. Then they came for the trade unionists, and I didn’t speak up because I wasn’t a trade unionist. Then they came for the Catholics, and I didn’t speak up because I was a Protestant. Then they came for me, and by that time no one was left to speak up.”102

Americans, this is our moment to help determine the outcome of a very real culture war that threatens to destroy long-held values and beliefs that are embodied in the Bill of Rights of the U.S. Constitution to protect us from tyranny. The Bill of Rights affirms that we have God-given natural rights, known today as civil liberties or human rights, which belong to each one of us and should never be taken away for any reason.

You Will Make the Choice

You and you alone will make the choice to live free or die as a slave. Do not let anyone take away your freedom to think and speak and obey the certain judgment of your conscience.

Use the NVIC Advocacy Portal to contact your state and federal legislators. Defend freedom and educate your family, friends and leaders in your community. Go to NVIC.org and sign up for our newsletter, so that no matter what happens in the weeks and months to come, you will not lose contact with us.

Be the one who never has to regret that you did not do today what you could have done to change tomorrow. It’s your health. Your family. Your choice. And our mission continues: No forced vaccination. Not in America.

Note: This commentary provides information and perspective on a topic related to vaccine science, policy, law or ethics being discussed in public forums and by U.S. lawmakers. The websites of the U.S. Department of Health and Human Services (DHHS) provide information and perspective of federal agencies responsible for vaccine research and development (NIH), regulation (FDA) and policymaking (CDC). The World Health Organization has stated that “vaccine hesitancy” is one of the top 10 global public health threats.

One of the Most Powerful Videos I’ve Ever Seen

The following video from Barbara Loe Fisher is one of the most powerful videos that I have ever seen. I am hopeful that watching this video will inspire you to take up the cause and join the fight for vaccine freedom and independence.

There is a cultural war and collusion between many industries and federal regulatory agencies that results in a suppression of the truth about vital important health issues. If this suppression continues we will gradually and progressively erode our private individual rights that our ancestors fought so hard to achieve. Please take a few minutes to watch this video.

from Articles http://articles.mercola.com/sites/articles/archive/2019/04/02/taking-no-prisoners-vaccine-culture-war.aspx source https://niapurenaturecom.tumblr.com/post/183884279621

[jerrytackettca]

Taking No Prisoners in the Vaccine Culture War

By Barbara Loe Fisher

On a cold winter morning in November 2007, I watched hundreds of parents line up with their children in front of a Maryland county courthouse. The children had been kicked out of school by state officials and were truant.

The mothers and fathers were holding letters threatening them with imprisonment or fines of $50 a day for failing to show proof their children had gotten a chickenpox or hepatitis B shot.1

Confused, angry and frightened, but mostly resigned, they were working moms and dads trudging toward the courthouse on a Saturday morning to face a judge ordering them to vaccinate their children or go to jail. Patrolling the scene was an armed SWAT team of policemen with dogs.

The U.S. media turned out that day, but they and other members of the public were kept behind barricades and denied access into the building. I was there with my son, who brought his camera. We were there to witness what was going on with parents whose children had been injured by vaccines. There was no transparency, no public oversight on what was happening to the parents and children inside the building.

I spoke with several mothers leaving the building with their children and learned the sad truth. They were not being asked questions about their child’s medical history or whether the children had experienced health problems after previous vaccinations. No information was given about vaccine side effects or how to monitor their children for signs of vaccine reactions.2 They were not made aware of exemptions to vaccination.

Clearly, preventing vaccine reactions was not a priority for those in charge that day. The children were being injected with not just the two new vaccines added to the state’s school requirement list — hepatitis B and chickenpox — but also with other required vaccines if the public school system could find no record.

One mother told me her children were up to date on their shots but the school system lost the records. She agreed to have her children receive the required vaccines all over again on the spot to avoid being fined or, worse, being sent to jail.

This mother and I were talking hundreds of yards from the front of the courthouse door. We were standing about 12 inches inside a row of large cement stones that had been put there as a barrier to prevent terrorist attacks. Suddenly, out of the corner of my eye I saw an armed guard with a dog emerge from the courthouse. He was walking straight toward us.

I got this sick feeling in the pit of my stomach. It was the surge of shock and dread that any citizen of any country in any century has felt when an armed guard with a dog starts advancing. As if we were criminals or terrorists, he yelled and gestured to us to move behind the stones.

I looked at the mother and my son, who was filming our conversation, and we moved without a word. We were being shown the power of the State wielded by that guard armed with a dog and a gun, just as parents inside the courthouse were being shown the power of the State wielded by doctors with syringes.

US Constitution Protects Freedom to Dissent

When a government policy is unjust and people resist, the last resort is always a show of force. Use of fear, intimidation, discrimination and punishment of dissenting minorities is the hallmark of authoritarian governments and so is censorship and propaganda.

None of these tactics has a place in America, where our Constitution protects civil liberties, including freedom of thought, speech, conscience, religious belief and the right to dissent and petition the government.3,4,5 Twelve years after I watched a state health department flex its muscle at a county courthouse, this year the whole world is watching the multibillion-dollar vaccine industrial complex flex its muscle in America.6,7,8

Declaring a “take no prisoners” war on parents who decline to give their children every dose of every government recommended vaccine, the vaccine industry has been emboldened by the lucrative public-private business partnerships that have been forged over the past four decades with governments and the World Health Organization (WHO).9,10

Vaccine Industry Wants Forced Use of All Vaccines by All People

The win that industry is looking for is a complete shutdown of the public conversation about health and vaccination followed by a mandate by every government to force every child and adult to use every vaccine that drug companies develop and sell.

For children born in America in 1983, the federal government recommended 23 doses of seven vaccines given between 2 months and 6 years old.11 Today, the child vaccination schedule is 69 doses of 16 vaccines given between the day of birth and age 18, with 50 doses administered before age 6, at a current price tag of more than $3,000 per child.12,13

Child Vaccine Schedule Could Double or Triple in Future

For children born in America in the years to come, that vaccine list and cost could double or triple. WHO is encouraging drug companies to fast track more than a dozen new “priority” vaccines to market for children, pregnant women and adults — and you can be sure industry will lobby governments to mandate all of them — respiratory syncytial virus (RSV), Streptococcus A and B, HIV, herpes simplex virus, gonorrhea, E-coli, Shigella, Salmonella, tuberculosis, malaria and more.14

Where is the scientific evidence to support the assumption that forcing everyone to use more vaccines to atypically manipulate our immune systems and repeatedly provoke inflammatory responses in our bodies throughout life will produce better health for all?15,16,17,18,19,20

The Real Public Health Emergency Is Not About Measles

The signs are everywhere that people are trying to throw off the chains binding them to failed medical and public health policies that cost Americans more than $3 trillion a year in health care costs.21

Americans are beginning to understand that trusting blindly and saluting doctors smartly for the past 40 years has not prevented 1 in 6 children from becoming learning disabled,22,23 or 1 in 9 from suffering with asthma,24 or 1 in 10 from struggling with mental and behavior disorders,25 or 1 in 40 from developing autism.26

America now has the worst infant mortality rates,27,28 worst maternal mortality rates29,30 and worst life expectancy31,32 of all developed nations.

Highly vaccinated and medicated Americans are very sick, with millions of children and adults suffering with immune and brain dysfunction marked by chronic inflammation in their brains and bodies33,34 that confines too many of them to special education classrooms and frequent trips to doctors’ offices to try to deal with a lifetime of chronic illness and disability.35,36

No public health official, professor or legislator in America can explain why millions and millions of children and more than half of all adults are chronically ill or disabled.37

This is the real public health emergency that mothers and fathers want to talk about, but Congress and medical trade groups do not want to discuss. This is the elephant in the room at every public hearing on bills proposing to take away or expand vaccine informed consent rights being held in state legislatures today.

No Exception Vaccine Laws Guarantee Denial of Vaccine Casualties

The pharmaceutical industry, which was handed a partial liability shield from vaccine injury lawsuits by the U.S. Congress in 1986,38 which was turned into a total liability shield by the Supreme Court in 2011,39,40,41 is fighting to keep an economic stranglehold on a crumbling U.S. health care system.42,43,44,45

With the government having paid vaccine victims more than $4 billion in federal vaccine injury compensation since 1988 under the National Childhood Vaccine Injury Act,46,47 pharmaceutical corporations do not want to give up the no-risk, stable income stream they get from selling mandated vaccines.48

“No exception” vaccine laws guarantee that good vaccine science will never be done so vaccine casualties can continue to be swept under the rug by denying they exist,49,50,51,52,53 and nobody has to care about the crippled and dead bodies lying on the ground except the mothers and fathers grieving endlessly for what could have been.54

Today, most people know somebody who was healthy, got vaccinated and was never healthy again.55,56 This inconvenient truth is why the vaccine industry must find a way to shut down all public conversation about vaccination and eliminate all vaccine exemptions — and do it now.

Vaccine Risks Not Being Shared Equally by All

In January 2019, the WHO announced that “vaccine hesitant” people, especially parents, are one of the top 10 threats to global health.57 This ominous warning was quickly followed by the declaration of a state of emergency in Washington after a handful of measles cases were confirmed in primarily unvaccinated children.58 

Immediately, the media shifted into overdrive, just like in January 2015 when measles cases were reported in Disneyland and the California legislature quickly removed the personal belief vaccine exemption for school children,59,60,61 despite the biggest public protests the state Capitol had seen since the Vietnam War.

In the first two months of 2019, we have watched thousands of brave parents and health care professionals travel to state capitals and line up with their children at public hearings in Washington,62,63 Arizona,64 Nevada,65 Oregon66 and Capitol Hill.67

They are taking time off their jobs and spending their own money to make the journey to beg lawmakers to protect the legal right for children to get a school education and for parents to exercise voluntary informed consent to vaccine risk taking for their minor children.68

With almost no vaccine contraindications today that qualify for a medical exemption under narrow CDC guidelines,69,70 vaccine risks are not being shared equally by all. One-size-fits-all vaccine laws place an unequal risk burden on, and discriminate against, a vulnerable minority of children, who have genetic, biological and environmental susceptibility to suffering vaccine reactions.71,72,73,74

Why are the lives of vaccine vulnerable children, whom public health officials do not want to acknowledge, valued less than the lives of immune compromised children they will acknowledge?

Calls for Forced Vaccination and Censorship

Since 2015, no state legislature has removed a vaccine exemption.75,76 This year, while 11 states are proposing to restrict or eliminate vaccine exemptions, NVIC is supporting 61 bills that expand exemptions or protect vaccine informed consent rights (as of March 1, 2019), the largest number of bills we have ever supported in a legislative session.77

This pushback against forced vaccination is being met with fury by doctors and lawyers inside and outside of government and by multimedia corporations demanding that parental rights and vaccine exemptions be stripped from state laws and that all information criticizing government vaccine policy be removed from the web.78,79,80

In the past few weeks, high-ranking federal health officials have made false statements in Congress in an effort to mislead lawmakers into believing childhood vaccines like MMR do not carry serious risks.81

The FDA Commissioner has threatened state legislators with federal government intervention if they do not eliminate vaccine exemptions.82,83,84 The Chair of the U.S. House Intelligence Committee has pressured Facebook to block conversations about vaccination and Amazon to censor books and videos containing information about vaccine risks and failures.85 ,86,87

Amazon immediately bowed to that government pressure and removed the movie “Vaxxed” from Amazon Prime Streaming and similar videos critical of vaccine safety.88 However, CNN is urging Amazon to go further and “burn” all the books, too, by completely removing them from the site.89,90

A Washington, D.C., lawmaker reacted to the hype by asking, “What if you take parents out of the equation?” and introduced a bill to allow minor children of any age to get vaccines in the city without a parent’s knowledge or consent after a doctor says the child is “mature” enough to make the decision.91

What is the justification for burning the books and clearing the way for doctors to persuade very young children to get vaccinated without their parents’ knowledge or consent?

The media would have you believe that calls for censorship and the elimination of state vaccine exemptions and parental rights are based on 206 reported cases of measles identified in 11 states between January and March in our population of 328 million people. According to the CDC, “three or more cases” of measles is considered to be an “outbreak.”92

All the blame for measles outbreaks is being put on parents of the less than 2 percent of unvaccinated children attending U.S. schools, where nearly 95 percent of children nationwide have received two doses of measles containing MMR vaccine.93 Aside from the illogical premise that children only catch measles or other infections in school buildings, is the call for censorship and “no exceptions” vaccine laws only about a few hundred cases of measles? I don’t think so.

The Human Right to Autonomy Limits the Power of the State

The demonization of parents and enlightened doctors who criticize vaccine science and government policy is merely the tip of the spear in a larger culture war going on in this and other countries, where economically stable, well-educated populations are beginning to understand they are being exploited by corporations that have made business deals with governments.94,95,96,97,98

The culture wars in the 21st century are about whether the first human right, individual autonomy,99 will survive, or an authoritarian State will own our children and have the power to eliminate civil liberties and sacrifice the lives of certain people for what those in control of the State consider the greater good of society.100

The human right to autonomy protects individuals and vulnerable minorities from being discriminated against and exploited by the State. Who has the moral right, or should have the legal authority, to demand that mothers and fathers violate their conscience and risk their children’s lives or face punishment for refusing to do it?

What kind of government policy demands that kind of involuntary sacrifice? And what kind of government demands that information about the risks and failures of a liability-free pharmaceutical product be censored and withheld from the people being forced to use it?

There is no more important freedom than the freedom to decide when and for what reason you are willing to risk your life or your child’s life. We give up the human right to autonomy at our peril, no matter where or in what century we live.

The outcome of the Vaccine Culture War will determine what it means to be free,101 because if the State can tag, track down and force individuals against their will to be injected with biologicals of known and unknown toxicity today, then there will be no limit on which individual freedoms the State can take away in the name of the greater good tomorrow.

Martin Niemoller prophetically warned that incremental oppression by those in control of an authoritarian State is facilitated by denial, apathy and fear. He said:

"In Germany, they came first for the Communists, and I didn't speak up because I wasn't a Communist. Then they came for the Jews, and I didn't speak up because I wasn't a Jew. Then they came for the trade unionists, and I didn't speak up because I wasn't a trade unionist. Then they came for the Catholics, and I didn't speak up because I was a Protestant. Then they came for me, and by that time no one was left to speak up."102

Americans, this is our moment to help determine the outcome of a very real culture war that threatens to destroy long-held values and beliefs that are embodied in the Bill of Rights of the U.S. Constitution to protect us from tyranny. The Bill of Rights affirms that we have God-given natural rights, known today as civil liberties or human rights, which belong to each one of us and should never be taken away for any reason.

You Will Make the Choice

You and you alone will make the choice to live free or die as a slave. Do not let anyone take away your freedom to think and speak and obey the certain judgment of your conscience.

Use the NVIC Advocacy Portal to contact your state and federal legislators. Defend freedom and educate your family, friends and leaders in your community. Go to NVIC.org and sign up for our newsletter, so that no matter what happens in the weeks and months to come, you will not lose contact with us.

Be the one who never has to regret that you did not do today what you could have done to change tomorrow. It’s your health. Your family. Your choice. And our mission continues: No forced vaccination. Not in America.

Note: This commentary provides information and perspective on a topic related to vaccine science, policy, law or ethics being discussed in public forums and by U.S. lawmakers. The websites of the U.S. Department of Health and Human Services (DHHS) provide information and perspective of federal agencies responsible for vaccine research and development (NIH), regulation (FDA) and policymaking (CDC). The World Health Organization has stated that “vaccine hesitancy” is one of the top 10 global public health threats.

One of the Most Powerful Videos I've Ever Seen

The following video from Barbara Loe Fisher is one of the most powerful videos that I have ever seen. I am hopeful that watching this video will inspire you to take up the cause and join the fight for vaccine freedom and independence.

There is a cultural war and collusion between many industries and federal regulatory agencies that results in a suppression of the truth about vital important health issues. If this suppression continues we will gradually and progressively erode our private individual rights that our ancestors fought so hard to achieve. Please take a few minutes to watch this video.

from http://articles.mercola.com/sites/articles/archive/2019/04/02/taking-no-prisoners-vaccine-culture-war.aspx

source http://niapurenaturecom.weebly.com/blog/taking-no-prisoners-in-the-vaccine-culture-war

[douchebagbrainwaves]

EVERY FOUNDER SHOULD KNOW ABOUT KNEES

5-7% of the upside, while an employer gets nearly all of it. I asked him if the people now running the company would be able to work hard: these guys would have paid to be able to dictate the way shows reached audiences. The prototypical rich man of the nineteenth century was not a fixed quantity that had to be in a better mood. The organic way to do that: have rules preventing them from leaving, or fund them at the point in their life when they naturally take root. So the acquirer is in fact getting worse performance at greater cost. And of course there's another kind of thinking, when you're the water? And yet, I wonder. For most people the best plan would be to shirk it, but regardless it's certainly constraining. By now they're mostly used ironically. So maybe I'll try not bringing books on some future trip. The worst type are those that seem like work, the danger of responsibilities is not just a good politician. Only in the preceding couple years had the dramatic fall in the cost of doing this can be enormous—in fact, the acquirer would have been very different.

It is a truth universally acknowledged, that a single man in possession of a good fortune must be in want of a wife. And that suggests another way to find these ideas is simply to look at how taboos are created. But there will probably always remain some residual demand for conventional drama, where you earn a premium for working fast. Speculative meetings are terribly costly if you're on the right track when people complain that you're unqualified, or that uses ugly variable names. In any interesting domain, the difficulties will be novel. C is a kludge, and Lisp syntax is scary. The irony of Galileo's situation was that he got so much email. Which is not that you'll make them unproductive, but that you should make users the test, just as you'd be careful to bend at the knees when picking up a heavy box. The ideas that come to mind first will be driven by how well you do in the rest of the world. After all those years you get used to it, and I don't think there's any limit to the number of startups.

If you want a recipe for a startup to fix upon a specific number. In most, the fastest way to get rich for hundreds of years it has been independently confirmed by all the people we fund at Y Combinator use Apple laptops. But those aren't the only reasons parents don't want their kids having sex is that they make deals close faster. When I protested that the teacher had said the opposite, my father replied that the guy had no idea what he was talking about—that he got in trouble for repeating Copernicus's ideas. They're measured, in that government office was a recognized route to wealth. But what if the person in the next room snored? They were at the time that Federico da Montefeltro, the Duke of Urbino, would one day be known mostly as the guy with the strange nose in a painting that works very well, you can tell they really believe this, because this is one of the first things Jobs did when they got some money was to rent office space.

They feel as if they're doing something completely unrelated. My advice is, don't say it. They'd be relentlessly resourceful. Good new ideas come from them, even if few do per capita. No one is even afraid of Microsoft anymore. One of the less publicized benefits of the open-source projects. In Apple's case the garage story is a bit of an urban legend. Simula: Algol isn't good enough at manipulating arrays. This little thought experiment suggests a few of the disadvantages of insider projects: the selection of the wrong kind of people, the most powerful force of all. The resulting technological growth translates not only into wealth but into military power. A big component of wealth is location.

There conservatism would be the phrase I'd tape to the mirror. Lack of empathy is associated with intelligence, to the extent that it happens at all, and you're the fastest, then you'll stay ahead. One of the first things Jobs did when they got some money was to rent office space. It's tantalizing to think we believe things that people haven't realized yet can be made unnecessary by a tablet app. So the fact that they're created by, and used by, people who want to distinguish themselves from the common herd. If you're sufficiently expert in a field, any weird idea or apparently irrelevant question that occurs to you is ipso facto worth exploring. You can't fake this. If there had been some way just to work super hard and get paid 30 times as much land in a day as he could with a team of horses.

The eminent, on the other hand, are almost forced to work on a Java project. A surprising number of people who visit your site will be casual visitors. I accidentally put the cursor in the wrong direction briefly if that will help. Viaweb's hackers were all extremely risk-averse. Nor do we have the social distinctions there were a hundred years—or even twenty—are people still going to search for information using something like the natural history of computers—studying the behavior of algorithms for routing data through networks, for example, but Microsoft also happens to have gotten in terrible trouble for saying otherwise. It's a big mistake to treat a startup as an optimization problem in which performance is measured and you get paid accordingly, but you have to give them enough that they compress the day, but that they can do it in two. One piece of evidence is what happened to countries that tried to return to the old model, like the popular image of the visionary is someone with a clear view of the world. We Getting a Divorce?

It has turned out to be will depend on what we can do with this new medium. Windows is for grandmas, like Macs used to be gatekeepers. I think the difference between a good hacker and a great one. If a hacker were a mere implementor, turning a spec into code, then he could just work his way through it from one end to the other and never realize the whole world, for that matter, how much is due to the creators of past gadgets that gave the company a reputation for quality? This is not a regional business, because delegation is endemic there. So here is another place where startups have an advantage. So the main value of that initial version is to be battered by circumstances—to let the world have its way with you, instead of paying, as you did in college.