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realized i never kept journaling being on t oops so uuuuh

3 years, 3 months, and 3 days on t

• finally starting to get a little facial hair coming in which is honestly a miracle cause genetics says i shouldn't get any until i'm in my 30s

• my voice has fully dropped at this point and boy did it get deep

• the acne chilled out a good while ago

• still not going bald get fucked literally all my paternal cousins except one

• oh yeah i got top surgery last september so that's p cool too

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So being in the same house as my bf has caused me to have a silent panic attack where I've gone completely mute and have been since I got home from my parents at 4 and I cant tell him I dont want him here cause hes going to get angry at me for letting him move in in the first place and fully blame me for it even tho he presented it in a way where he needed to because the situation he was in was terrible and awful and having a giant negative impact on his mental health and he needed to get out of there as quickly as possible and with my trauma I was literally incapable of saying no

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Day 3, Week 1

• My throat feels so weird and it and my mouth are super dry

• Oh boy am I ready to get into fights

• I'm so fucking tired which understandable hormone changes but it still sucks

• I feel like either I'm reacting to HRT extremely fast or I'm so aware of my own body I'm just immediately able to notice things that are different even if they're small

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Day 1, Week 1

• My anger seems to be affected already; it's definitely getting worse

• My throat became dry a couple of hours after I gave myself the shot and I've been drinking a lot of water

• And my libido is increasing already which is fucking weird

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‘the hard times’

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Marta Sokolowska. Polish artist.

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Drunk Skeletons (2012) - Vlad Gradobyk, aka AC44

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I don’t have the energy to do anything or be anything anymore

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When it’s been too many years and you still are not the healthy stable adult your teenage self hoped you would have become by now

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i think the funniest and realist thing i’ve realized lately is how troubling idealization can be. every person is just… a person. the very people you want to impress or be apart of are just people. even if they seem wildly intimidating because of the way they look or because of their reputation, every one is just a person. human. as embarrassing, as remorseful and they are going through stages of growth just like you are. we only see what we want to see and then drown ourselves further in our own depression and we don’t have to.

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This csa survivor hates MAPs.

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