#and it'll get better. it'll get better. one bad day isnt the end of the world.

[pyrriax]

hi tumblr i love u guys <3

[goofysillywriter]

bleeding heart

Notes: hi hi first x reader fic im sharing, and it's with Rafayel, who I've been super normal about, shout out to my friend who really got me into l&ds. please, please know that if I don't respond to any comments left, I do see them I just get overwhelmed easily

!hurt/comfort, self-harm(hair pulling and hitting self)!

little summary: You and Rafayel get into an argument that hurtful words are shared, and you both hurt. It's ok(ish) in the end as you both seek the other out for forgiveness.

--

You've known Rafayel to very much be the type of person to lay out why certain things upset him, sure sometimes it's in a roundabout way, but he doesn’t leave things to build up. Sometimes(all the time), you know when he is genuinely happy about something, just like knowing when he's truly hurt by something.

Which is why having two emotionally charged people that will pick fights isn't good. You and Rafayel are in an argument, one that has long since turn into just saying mean things to just hurt the other. This wasn't how you wanted to spend your day off but fuck it at this point really.

���Why can’t you just drop it? Or better yet forget all about it seeing as it's so easy to just forget about me.” Rafayel snaps. This kills the words in your throat. You can only stare at him before laughing bitterly.

“You know that's not how my memory works.” Is all you can really say as you watch Rafayel turn to storm off. The sound of a door being slammed shut is all it takes for everything to hit.

It's easy to be mad, but after that comes the hurt. But you don't hurt enough, it's your fault this all happened isn't it. You forgot about lunch, you forgot when you were supposed to meet up, all the times you forgot hit you. Some small part of you knows it's not your fault, lunch was forgotten because of a Wanderer, the meet up wasn't you were dealing with a flare up, however the rest of your brain just wanted to hurt.

Your hands find their way in your hair and you pull and hit. Not the healthiest of ways to deal with this but fuck. By now you’ve found comfort on the floor back against the wall as you fight everything in you to not slam your head back. It’d be so easy why not add more pain its only fair isnt it.

---

Rafayel isn’t sure how much time passed but hes since calmed down. He knew as well he'd have to apologize to you for the things he said. Groaning he runs a hand over his face, he loved you so much but it's hard. Emotions are hard.

---

You haven't moved from your spot, hands now laying on the floor. Your head hurt but what else is new, you force yourself to just stare at the ground as the soft sound of a door opening and closing can be heard. Pulling your knees close to your chest you rest your head against your knees. Like this will hide you away from the fact Rafayel is going to see you. Hide the fact that if he looks close enough you still have strains of hair you've pulled out. Hide the fact this whole thing triggered you to have an episode.

A twisted part of you wants to see him feel bad about it, while also relish in the self-loathing it'll bring you.

Instead of any words being said between you two, Rafayel simply takes a seat next to you. Not touching, but just close enough you know he's there. The sound of him softly humming is what fills that void now. Unsure of how long you both sit you uncurl yourself and lean against him, Rafayel pauses to take a quick glance at you before continuing his humming.

Hearing a soft apology is more than enough for you as you nod, slowly moving your hand to hold his own.

There's comfort in knowing that no matter what, you both will seek the other out to make amends.

[namelessdeceased]

theo's guide: how to flunk exams and NOT kill yourself :)

good day! screwed up an exam you say? me too. proof under the cut. coping with it badly? yeah. me too. but we dont want to do that! we want to get up and do better next time! sounds corny as hell, i know. it's hard, i know. but you and i both know no matter how hard we fuck up something, the next exam will come (unless this is your last exam ever ever, in which case good on you!). and nobody wants to feel bad anyway. so here's my extremely-non-exhaustive guide on how to feel not as sucky! reminder that this won't work for everyone!!

breathe in, breathe out. centre yourself.

if you have the peace of mind to do so, take notes while/after the teachers go through the paper on what you should revise. that's pretty important, but you should only do it when you can.

do something that REALLY does not involve that subject. go hang out with your friends for an hour or something. go play whatever game you've been saying you'll play. just take a break from studying for a minute. it'll do ya good.

take a nap! i'd suggest you do so at least. like a good one. if its later in the day, just sleep. as someone who doesnt sleep a lot, it might feel bad, but it won't after a while.

tell someone! it's like every other trouble in your life, venting kind of helps.

remember that this is not the end of the world. it feels like it is, but everything has multiple routes. is this a life-changing exam? mine was too. was this the only route you thought you could take in your life? mine was too. let me tell you, it isnt. will people talk you down? if they do, i'm telling you that it's okay. it will be. you did well. i don't care what score you got as long as you did your best. you are enough, and wherever you go from here, up or down, it is enough. more than that even. you are enough.

breathe in, breathe out. you'll be okay.

sub-tips:

play music that feels good! stuff that bangs. i like rock a lot.

eat something you want! im an absolute dessert sucker.

comfortable environment! overstimulation is horrendous!

call a friend maybe! up to you.

cut for my grades:

grade collection:

math: 92/100 = 92% = A+ = 4.0

history: 22/40 = 55% = C+ = 2.5

chinese: 59.5/130 = ~45% = D+ = 1.5

malay: 56.5/100 = 56.5% = C+ = 2.5

geography: 17/40 = 42.5% = D = 1.0

english: 88/120 = 73.3% = A = 4.0

science: 77/90 = 85.5% = A+ = 4.0

literature: 31/50 = 62% = B = 3.0

see im telling you i didnt do well. it's okay.

[danvillecheese]

the dwampyverse and all its timelines

welcome to the analysis i've been promising for like two years! this will be phineas and ferb centric simply due to the sheer amount of episodes compared to milo murphy's law and hamster and gretel. with the inclusion of hamster and gretel, i will admit this has gotten a little less easy to navigate, but i'm hoping with a bit of analysis and suspension of belief, it'll be okay. ready? lets go!

the best way i can describe this first part is by providing a visual of how i see it. and using a three-circle venn diagram makes perfect sense with all of the overlapping and individual parts.

so - pictured above is said venn diagram. each part is its own timeline. ones where each show is their own timeline, ones where pnf/mml overlap, mml/hng overlap, pnf/hng overlaps and the one right in the centre where they all overlap. this doesnt include timelines where "endings" are separate (read: quantum boogaloo, act your age, doof 101, owca files... any ending that isnt last day of summer. but i'll get to those ones later). make sense?

1. where only phineas and ferb exists.

this works best before 2015. this timeline is the one that has zero murphy crumbs on it. dan and swampy haven’t yet had the idea of doing a show about a kid with awful luck and time travelling shenanigans. this is the most nostalgic timeline, for phineas has reigned over the disney channel cartoons for eight years. the lumberzacks dont exist, hamster and gretel dont save danville each week. pnf is its own show. no other shows have an influence on it.

adding to this - if you ignore any of the alternate timeline episodes and stop at last day of summer, you get my personal favourite way of watching the show. this one is basically just ignoring owca files, doof 101, all of mml and most importantly - act your age. I love the idea of an open book ending for these characters, especially for ones we saw on our tvs for over eight years [when it aired]. the events that take place after last day of summer are simply giving an idea of what COULD happen to our beloved cast, and without them, they really make no impact on the original story. the events before the end of summer are in no way impacted by the other alternate ending episodes.

2. where both phineas and ferb and milo murphy’s law exists

this is the canon, everything-exists-all-at-the-same-time timeline, pre-hamster and gretel. every piece of context works together, and everything is all connected. everything is canon! everyone is friends with each other! the pnf effect works! doof moves in with the murphy's, and this timeline is basically if you watched pnf and mml chronologically, without any of the alt ending episodes (in case you forgot which ones: quantum boogaloo, act your age, doof 101 and the owca files). this is the one i think we're all familiar with - it also includes candace against the universe (mostly uh... broadly speaking, the lumberzacks are the only mml thing in there).

3. where only milo murphy’s law exists

a timeline where pnf and hng are nonexistent. this timeline would probably exclude anything past season one, really. the crossover would not work. maybe even in this timeline the pistachions take over everything and the human characters cease to exist. (eleanor shellstrop this is the bad place!.jpeg) this further pushes the point (that I haven’t made - I’ve been thinking it I just haven’t said it lmao) that you can’t have milo murphys law without phineas and ferb. the crossover plot proves it. both in the real world AND in mml.

4. where just hamster and gretel exists

this one is a little hard to explain, especially since hng has only just finished its first season. there are a few pnf references in this show but it stands on its own feet much more than mml did. i think the likelihood of hng existing in its own timeline works a lot better than mml - but the chance of there being a surprise crossover is moderately high. like i said, it's a little hard to analyse this since its that much more removed from its predecessors.

5. where milo murphy’s law and hamster and gretel exist

this is a very unlikely scenario, but there is a chance a timeline like this exists somewhere. it’s a bit difficult to analyse or even prove since there haven’t been any kind of references or even characters that pop up in hng from mml. I wouldn’t expect the opposite either, considering that mml ended in 2019 and hng didn’t exist until after that, so hng within mml is basically impossible without a third season.

these last two timelines make a lot less sense, especially since hng still has stories to tell and we havent seen mml characters there yet (well... unless you count doof. hes technically a mml character, right? as much as some of us dislike that fact? haha. ahahaha.)

6. where phineas and ferb and hamster and gretel exists

this one works. i think it’s basically how dtva thinks it works (basically completely ignoring mml’s entire existence lmao) but this is basically the canon timeline of hng currently. but we’ll wait and see if there’s a crossover.

7. where all of phineas and ferb, milo murphy’s law and hamster and gretel exist all at once

like I say, a surprise crossover could happen (but based off what happened with the pnf effect I can’t even imagine how messy this would get) so yes, they could exist all at once. and they probably do, just that hng is a lot further removed from its predecessors in terms of references and characters popping up out of nowhere (doof and his inators don’t seem to have much importance yet, but who knows how it’ll end). this timeline, basically, is for those who don’t really mind that everything’s in a collective universe, and it seems like the easiest one to comprehend if you aren’t pedantic about all of this.

but what about the episodes where timelines end?

you’re probably here thinking okay, so what? there’s different timelines. this isn’t news. what about the other individual episodes that are within the umbrella timeline? I like to think of them as individual timelines within the show, along with all the other ones mentioned above.

quantum boogaloo

timelines have been a thing pretty much since season 2 of phineas and ferb, notably in the episode quantum boogaloo where they go forward in time and see a potential future where stacy is the president of uruguay. this is an example of something ‘canonically’ happening after last day of summer, 20 years in the future. this episode has a couple of potential timelines - the one where everything is fine, and the one where doof is emperor and everyone is named joe. the first timeline has candace ending up with jeremy and having three kids, along with ferb at camp david and phineas at an awards ceremony in switzerland. however, this particular timeline doesnt match up equally with act your age, since their ages dont line up. in quantum boogaloo, pnf are aged 30 twenty years later, in aya, pnf are aged 18 ten years later. this means they could either be 8 or 10 in the original summer, depending on the timeline. the second one is pretty much null to me since they time travel back and both of the future timelines cancel out.

doof 101

so. this is an episode i havent seen for a while. however, this is one of the perfect examples since the theme for doof 101 says "and this all takes place in fall so don't let the timeline throw you" like hiiii thank you for acknowledging that this is a separate timeline! there's a short bit in the title that shows doof facing either prison time or teaching at the high school in court, and its something we don't see the events leading up to. sure, he's done crimes against humanity but there weren't ever any consequences during the show. who turned him in? why is he on trial? what happened between him being evil and becoming a high school science teacher? and why does this monobrow edward rooney ass guy have beef with him and charlene out of nowhere? timelines, dude. got me stressed out and its not even my show.

act your age

[through gritted teeth] this episode also shows another potential canonical ending for the cast. phineas ends up with isabella 10 years after last day of summer, showing that this particular timeline has the kids aged around 8 or 9 in the original summer. we all know my thoughts on this particular ending, notably posted here. this timeline is easy to ignore if you dislike it, like the majority of us.

what does line up with the original summer, however, is doof's b-plot in act your age. I'm not a huge hater of his arc in this episode, and honestly, it might be his most in-character timeline ending out of all of them. yes, you heard me, theres something i dont dislike about act your age. like i said in the post linked above, i dont find it hard to believe he would bowl with perry and carl and monogram every week. he would totally have a mid-life crisis that wasn't real, like this guy canonically can't even hate christmas. this is so in character for him! in terms of it being a different timeline though, the only proof i have is that it's one of many different timeline ending episodes.

last day of summer

this episode is kinda like a flagship for the timelines, and as mentioned above, my favourite ending. i don’t think I need to reiterate it, but it really just provides an open ending for the entire cast, and makes room for anything else to happen. I’m curious to see how it pans out in the reboot; if they keep the continuity and acknowledge that ldos happened, or if they just kinda skip over it if it’s true that the new seasons will happen in the summer after the original one. but don’t worry - if the reboot adds any kind of canon divergence (I’m literally counting on it) You Will Certainly Hear From Me About It. lol

the owca files

I'll admit i haven't watched owca files for a number of years but i still remember bits of it. its a very strange timeline to me. i understand that doof is legally an ocelot and can be an agent but it does feel like the beginning of that out-of-characterness he displays in mml. and i guess the owca files is canon there, right? the bit with monogram during the pnf effect?

this also includes the pine tree. it feels like a way of letting us know owca files is in a different timeline. the flynn-fletcher house gets blown up, they get new plates, and we have symbolism of the end of an era with a pine tree in their backyard.

milo murphy's law

this one in particular is mostly just the pnf/mml overlap but ensures that doof ends up as professor time. if you've seen mml i don't think i need to explain it - after last day of summer (and owca files if ur nasty) the events of mml occur chronologically as if its one continuous timeline.

wait! what about the other canon divergent episodes?

ones that aren’t necessarily an ending but are set smack bang in the middle of the show with no explanation? don’t worry. I got you.

phineas and ferb christmas vacation

this episode features doof being evil in the middle of winter. dan povenmire has said he relapsed, but this is a perfect example of different timelines. a lot of the “ending” episodes were written and aired well before last day of summer so the chance of them knowing how the show was going to end was likely very little, if not zero. so, let’s imagine that last day of summer doesn’t happen. none of that arc happens, it’s just doof being passively evil throughout the year and then this christmas event happens. i don’t think he ever stopped being evil in this timeline. the chance of him just getting less… violent with his schemes is probably the best way of thinking about it. hell, he got perry a present. yes, it was a vase, but would the s1 heinz have done that? probably not. he’s definitely less evil as the show progresses, and even an episode like this one that aired in season 2 shows how quickly they turned it around.

on the other hand - the boys make their santa clubhouse invention and candace stresses what to get jeremy as a gift. does she try and bust them? surprisingly, no. her main focus is jeremy, and when it all goes south she’s in on what the boys are doing when santas elves show up. she mentions “what’s different this year than last year?”, insinuating that the boys weren’t inventing anything before the summer that the show is set in, and that this episode is definitely set after that summer. the B plot is definitely more solid proof of the alternate timeline, with heinz “relapsing” although I struggle to believe that with all the canon divergency that happens within the show and in mml/hng the chances of it just being a relapse are very remote.

that’s the spirit!

this one is similar in that it diverges from our last day of summer ending. doof is still evil, and candace - wait, she doesn’t even try and bust them. she’s keen to trick or treat with the gang and then go to jeremy’s party. she doesn’t even try and bust them. (man, it’s almost like it’s another timeline or something.)

back to doof though - he might have relapsed like in the christmas vacation episode, but he’s not necessarily evil here either. sure, he declared war on grass for an unknown reason and turned himself into a were-cow, but it’s not established that he wants to take over the tri state area like usual. if anything, it’s the opposite. he runs from the masses like it’s a witch hunt.

the curse of candace

this episode is all fine until the end where candace turns to dust and phineas says "we're gonna need a dustpan and some glue." there isnt much else to say about this one, but it indicates another timeline where candace is glued back together afterwards. and she’s also a vampire.

happy new year!

this is set after the summer the show is set in, considering that jeremy and coltrane are at the party as candace and stacy's respective dates. doof is still evil as his plot is to become ruler of the tri-state area. candace makes one last attempt at busting her brothers. this is definitely another timeline, and also apparently one where gangnam style exists. pretty easy to understand - doof doesnt have his giving-up-evil arc and continues to be passively evil like always. this could also work chronologically with christmas vacation, where he tries his naughty-inator and then a week later comes up with the resolution-changer-inator. candace's arc is a little different, she could have stayed consistent and tried to bust the boys from summer onwards, only getting to new years and wanting to change her ways with a new years resolution.

for your ice only

evil doof is back again in the fourteen days of winter vacation that fall between christmas and new years'. for him, this could be an evil scheme that takes place at some point in between christmas vacation and new years, or it could be its own timeline altogether. candace also attempts to bust the boys again, as per usual.

what's interesting about this one though, is the fact they refer back to football x7 when talking about hockey z9. and you're probably thinking 'obviously? whats ur point' and yes. obviously they bring up the original episode when referencing the sport with the same name format. but this also implies its in the same timeline as the football x7 game, meaning there's at least two timelines that divert off my fair goalie - one that doesn't include hockey z9 and one that does (this episode). and this one (i'm circling back) includes evil doof. bam!

escape from phineas tower

what! this is a normal episode, right? if that was your reaction upon reading that subtitle, you'd be thinking the same as me, until you remember the ending where the tower extends its forcefield around the entire milky way galaxy. but here's where things get really interesting. what film, may i ask, has a plot where the ensemble cast has to fly to another planet to rescue two other ensemble cast members? thats right, candace against universe! this means that catu is set in a timeline that doesn't include the escape from phineas tower episode, since they're able to exit the milky way galaxy and enter the vroblok cluster. this would be impossible if it were in the same timeline as this episode, since they would have stopped at the dome and wouldn't have been able to get to feebla-oot.

she’s the mayor

honourable mention to this episode since it features time travel and timeline fuckery and I never see anybody talk about it!

"Back at the golf course, Roger is astounded at how fast the game is going as Dr. Doofenshmirtz points out that the slight chance that the Accelerate-inator could destroy the very fabric of space-time and possibly the entire universe is a small price to pay to get done with the game. Perry then breaks the Accelerate-inator using a golf club, causing time to flow backwards at the exact moment when Linda and Candace are about to bust Phineas and Ferb, also undoing all of the day's events back to the announcement in City Hall and causing an alien from another universe to appear.

At City Hall, Mayor Doofenshmirtz prepares to announce the winner of the Mayor-For-A-Day Essay Contest. The alien destroys the Accelerate-inator, causing the time-line to be altered once again as the new honorary mayor is announced: the old coot and telling everyone that any gold that they find is now his, causing Candace to lament, "I was robbed."" (from the pnf wiki)

what would’ve happened if doof's machine wasn’t destroyed and set the timeline back into place? the fabric of time and space would have been destroyed, and there is a very high chance there would have been a last-day-of-summer-esque situation where everything within the void would cease to exist. right from the start of the episode, it begins with a clock chiming, so from the beginning we are made aware that time will somehow have significance, which it does. after the timeline resets, we hear the clock chime again, which lets the viewer know we're now in a different timeline. there don't seem to be any repercussions of this timeline fuckery later in the show since it doesn't get mentioned again.

night of the living pharmacists

second honourable mention goes to this ending that @momphineasandferbmadeablog reminded me of (tysm bestie) where it "ends" with stacy turning off her tv as if the entire episode was a horror film the whole time. however, even before verifying, i had a feeling it was debunked and its just the ending of the grievance film. and i was right.

"Dan Povenmire made it clear that the entire episode was canon instead of a film Stacy was watching, and that the "The End" card on Stacy's TV was merely the "The End" title card of the Grievance movie she was watching." (from the pnf wiki)

there isnt a citation for it and none of his tweets showed up while i was looking for actual proof but i definitely remember him saying it somewhere, but please, absolutely feel free to think of it as a separate timeline! without dan saying it's a canon episode, there isn't actually any proof within the episode that it isn't its own timeline.

across the second dimension/tales from the resistance: back to the second dimension

and for our third and final honourable mention, this one is basically the existence of the second dimension. I haven't added it as its own since the concept is pretty obvious - its another dimension where a different timeline occurs. i mean, idk if i need to fully explain it, if youve seen the film and the s4 episode you know what happens. it's explicitly stated to be another dimension, however the specific mention of timelines is nonexistent. semantics, yes, but i do really feel like atsd is separate from all of it.

it's certainly a timeline that could happen - doof could lose his choo-choo and eventually take over the tri-state area and the events of the film would occur, but the fact that the main characters cross over and meet each other puts it into a different category for me. but by all means, feel free to think of it as yet another timeline!

I want to specifically mention: this list of episodes is not at all an exhaustive number of timelines. the way I see it, this is just the ones that are “labelled” (for lack of a better word) as their own timelines. there can be as many or as few timelines within the dwampyverse as you like. this analysis is not a rulebook, but rather answering the conundrum with one solution out of an infinite number of possibilities.

the dwampyverse and its "current year syndrome"

i think we can all agree that phineas and ferb is a relatively timeless show, in that you could watch it at any point in the past fifteen years and it wouldn't feel particularly out of place. that being said, the technology used in the show makes it feel aged or weirdly out of time. most notably, the switch between candace having a flip phone in the first three seasons and a touch-screen phone in everything post-season four. this is clearly influenced by the smartphone boom that occurred in the 2010s when iphones became mainstream, and thus impacted everyday life, including in tv and film.

so, when the animators jumped on this trend, phineas and ferb became a lot less timeless. candace owning something like a flip phone, something that didn't even exist for a long period of time in real life, felt less like something that was trying to keep up with the times than when she suddenly appeared on screen with a smartphone. not to mention the alexa joke in candace against the universe. now that was a jumpscare.

if you did want to carbon date the summer that the show is set in, like this post did for example, and if you're like me, you might headcanon phineas and ferb's summer taking place somewhere between 2009 and 2012. the other times where they've crossed over is set whenever it makes sense. the pnf effect? i think its pretty much canon that it takes place in 2017, what with all the pop culture references like pokemon go, dabbing, and uptown funk. definitely things you can date back to that mid 2010s era.

milo murphy's law also makes sure it stays current too, like specifically mentioning the year 2016 when the lumberzacks formed, milo's bag of toothbrushes labeled 2012-2014, and king pistachion doing a selfie with everyone which is like the most 2016 thing ever. (you guys remember the oscars selfie?) there's certainly some purpose behind dating some of the events within the show, since its entire B-plot is about time travel, but it doesn't feel like its really trying to be a current show. at least, not until they have references and allusions to pop culture things like ducky mo-go.

hamster and gretel has what is unfortunately the worst display of the three - there's a lot of social media references in the show. not necessarily memes, but just a lot of display of the characters using social media. the first one that comes to mind is the destructress, where her typical Thing is her doing a livestream or some kind of story update announcement with her phone, clearly showing that this is a 2020s cartoon, and it feels the need to be very current. hell, eight year old gretel has an iphone in this show, but i won't go down the track of why that fact alone is so weird to me since it'll derail this entire analysis.

granted there are a LOT of inconsistencies throughout these three shows but the current year syndrome, although sometimes unavoidable, proves the fact there are multiple timelines - and they can be traced back to candace's flip phone.

so, what do we do with this?

I personally love cherry-picking the parts of canon that exist, purely from a selfish point of view but also because this universe allows for it. there are a lot of different endings or alternate paths these characters can go down, and as exemplified by act your age, we can either ignore them or embrace them. sure, it’s unlikely but there are some people who like the aya ending and say it’s their own canon, and others who like the ending where doof becomes professor time. or there's others, like me, who absolutely adore last day of summer as their timeline end. the openness of it in such a positive light makes it feel like it’s not even the ending for these characters.

it also begs the question - does everything go back to the status quo at the end of every phineas and ferb episode? well... it can't, really. most character arcs within the show are tied to events that happen, like monty and vanessa getting together, or buford joining the backyard gang, or even doof's slow arc to being a good, if not morally grey character.

no, it’s not a big deal that there’s a lot of different timelines in the sense you have to constantly think about it as you watch it. but it does present us with the classic conundrum: which one is actually canon? and to this, i say, pick your own ending. if you like cherry picking as much as I do, indulge yourself. skip episodes you don't like. ignore parts of canon that don't actually have that much impact on the timeline. hey, its not like the show doesn't allow for it!

[wildstar25]

I would love to see the breakdown of Arsay’s timeline through the expansions!!!

WEEEEELLLL if you insist... My basic timeline break down is as follows: Keep in mind a few things are still kinda in flux, and if I ever contradict myself in the future literally don't worry about it

1.0 -> Calamity 6 months End point in the 4th umbral moon lining up with what is now the rising event (calamity memorial). Now that I’ve switched up arsay’s birthday, she turns 22 during the 1.0 campaign.

Calamity -> ARR 5 Years Arsay is stuck in the lifestream with the mother crystal for that 5 year period. Her memories of 1.0 and everyone's memories of her are largely erased. Arsay wakes up on a boat to Limsa Lominsa believing it is still her first voyage to Eorzea.

ARR->HVW ~6 months The base story including job quests take 3 months in total. The next three months are dedicated to the patches: Primal Trial series -> Coils of Bahamut -> 2.1. ~3 weeks Crystal Tower Raids, LoTA -> Syrcus Tower ~1 month 2.2-2.3 -> Crystal Tower Raid WoD ~2 weeks 2.4->2.55 ~3 weeks

HVW->STB ~4 months Main story starts a day or two after 2.55 and takes ~1 month total Patches take ~3 Months: 3.1->3.2->Void Arc ~1 month ->Arsay gets really into pvp and does nothing but frontlines and CC for a week -> 3.3->Alexander Raids->3.4 ~3 weeks Warring Triad->3.5->3.56 ~1 month

STB->SHB ~6 months Main story picks up a week after 3.56 and takes ~3 months time. (The first trip to Kugane takes 3 weeks off screen, after that travel time is reduced to a few days to a week using the East Aldenard Trading company boats (it would make sense that lolorito has better boat tech imo)) Next 3 month period is all the patches: Ivalice raids->Omega raids->4.1-4.2 ~1 month Eureka exploration->4.3->4 lords ~1.5 months 4.4->4.56 ~2 weeks

I know the ARR to Shadowbringers lead up is a mad dash but if it happened any slower, I don't believe Arsay would have be the character she is by that point. It is incredibly vital that she has almost 0 down time for herself. Her days and nights are PACKED full by choice. Job Quests, Hildebrand stuff,PvP, Hunts all get squeezed in throughout.

SHB->EDW ~8 months Main story picks up a few days after 4.56 and takes only 1.5 months to complete. Its a non stop emotional roller coaster for Arsay to be completely fine and normal about the whole time. Patches take 6.5 months, notably there is more downtime between patches: Chill relaxing after 5.0->Eden I->5.1->Neir raid I ->5.2-> role quest/shadowkeeper->Eden II-> 5.3 ->chill relaxing/recovery time for scions->Eden III->Neir raids II & III->Werlyt->Bozjia->5.4-5.55

EDW->DWT ~1 year (time spent in Elpis is not counted) ->Main story up to credit roll ~1 month ->Recovery time for injuries sustained in Ultima Thul ~4 months ->After credits - Scions Disband, everyone goes their separate ways - 1 day 🙃 ->Rest of the roll quests now that Arsay can mostly fight again(she can't cast mudras😞 ) ~1 month (casting>healing>tanking>aiming>bonus all role cap off) -> 1 month of nothing to do, Arsay still can't cast mudras, character development dictates she can no longer repress every bad emotion she feels, she has no proper coping mechanisms and quickly spirals into a mental breakdown over feeling like she's worthless and that no one will need her anymore now that the world isnt ending constantly and that she's worried without the scions being the scions everyone she cares about will slowly forget her and she'll be all alone again. Y'shtola and G'raha manage to get Arsay talking after a bit of self destructive lashing out. Things are sorta resolved?? Y'shtola and G'raha reassure her of a lot, and do their best to get it in her little kittycat head that she's not a burden on them even when she's sad. Not an automatic fix but Arsay does make the commitment to better her mental health and to work on her self image issues and communication skills! It'll be a process for her. ->5 days round trip to her home island in the southern seas to visit her Aunt and catch up ->6.1 starts when Arsay gets back from that ->Endwalker patch content takes up the final 5 months of that year period. Things are mostly interspersed with how they are released except for pandae which happens all in one go for Arsay between 6.3 and 6.4. Arsay has done all the variant dungeons, Tataru's grand endeavours, completed Island Sanctuary, and Myths of the Realm. ->The gap between 6.55 and 7.0 will probably only be about a week? Maybe 2? It depends how much it seems like the early arrivals to Tural have been there compared to Arsay and her crew.

That's my timeline! Thank you for asking and reading 🙇 hopefully that all made sense haha ^^

Have a picture of them for the road <3

[daisyjonesgf]

whimsical girlie likes to piss Billy off by blaming his behaviour on retrogrades and full moons because she knows he doesn't keep track or even listen to half of what she says

so it's basically like he's crashing out and if she has no energy to deal with that bs she's like sighing in exaggerated pity like "yeah, your ascendant is very affected by the mercury retrograde, no wonder you're being a little pissant today, feel better, baby" (it's nowhere near the retrograde), and that both pisses him off even more and kinda calms him down because ohhhhh okay bet that's why

during sex though? DURING SEX SHE CAN GET ANYTHING SHE WANTS FROM HIM (it's lowkey manipulative but she's like who cares)

eg: "nah it's ok it's a full moon, your moon sign isnt really gonna be present" and he's like "present?" and she deadass goes : "no, i mean in bed, your moon sign is gonna be distracted and not really good this time of the month, so it's advised not to engage in sexual--"

and he's on her faster than you can say gullible

(why is my shit always so long i'm sorry)

🔹🔹🔹🔹

babes don't worry, I love a long ask bc I love all your thoughts (I love short asks too, fuck, I just love asks 😭)

you're so right, like whimsical girlie has learned that if this man feels like he can blame his behavior on something it'll make him less pissy, and sometimes it's genuinely something that's happening in the universe but even when it's not she just wants him to chill

and she'll give him a warm cup of tea, "this will help everything align." and he rolls his eyes, but he'll drink it anyways bc despite his annoyances, he does believe in it. she's pushing hair out of his face, "I'm sorry baby, mercury being in retrograde is affecting your rising and your midheaven, that must be really rough."

and internally he's like wtf does that mean but he nods, soaks up the pity, "yeah it is."

she's got to try not to smile because realistically there's nothing major going on astrologically for him right then that would have major negative affects on him.

days when whimsical girlie wants that cookie so effing bad, specifically she literally wants her brains fucked out. but billy is super distracted working on music and pestering other people about their parts and is not giving her more than a couple dismissive kisses. she's so desperate though, and so frustrated and then at the end of the night when still nothing has worked, it's late and he's still working on songs.

she's got everyone's charts on paper and is walking over to him with it, leaning against the desk and he barely looks up

"you know what your chart says, baby, with what's going on in the planets right now?"

"hm?" he isn't really listening and she knows it

and let's out a big, exaggerated sigh, which he still doesn't look up she's like, "billy!" and when he doesn't respond, she's just crossing her arms and standing there, "whatever, it's just really serious stuff that really affects you..."

"oh my god, what is it?" and he says it harshly, looking up but when she gives him that sad look, he's shaking his head, grabbing her arm softly, "look, I'm sorry, tell me what's in my whatever."

"your chart."

"my chart."

"it's just you know, your venus sign-"

"my venus? that's the love one right?"

"mhm, and sex, with your mars. and they're both affected."

"what does that mean?"

"nothing, it just means you might not, you know, excel in that market right now-"

and that man is up from his seat, arms trapping her on the desk, lips barely ghosting her neck, "is that what it says, baby?"

"mhm." and she's trying to hide her smile.

his hands trailing down her skirt, "we'll see about that."

and he is fucking her on that desk, and then on the bed, and then on the bed again, and then in the shower for good measure, (he spends the whole time throwing in questions ab if the stars were right?) and after they're all dried off and getting into bed she's picking up his chart again and giving a faux gasp, "oh fuck, sorry, that was next weeks."

and he is laughing, shaking his head, lighting up his cigarette, "of course it does, baby." because he knows exactly what she's doing.

[actualbird]

hiya zak!!! it's 2am and i can't stop thinking about it- but if you had the chance to write how luke gets cured of his illness in canon, how would you do it? (eg. via "surgery, but there's risks"/"oh we found a magical anecdote to your illness, yippee!...etc etc)

hiya "anon" hehe >:3c!!!! first off, thank you for this ask cuz it's super interesting. my answer to this is rather specific and looks bad at first but Trust Me and hear me out on this alright

if i had the chance to write how luke gets cured, i wouldnt make him 100% cured. medically (and this is very vague because im not a doctor), i would make it so that maybe new medication or a new treatment plan is found that makes his illness no longer terminal, but chronic. the new treatment has to be taken regularly as maintenance, along with regular diagnostic tests like EEGs and regular check ups with aaron. the new treatment would also come with a lot of side effects like mood swings, fatigue, nausea, etc.

basically: i dont want him to be cured, but i obviously dont want him to die. however, i want him to have to fight this for the rest of his long life.

it'll be an arduous process, one that never ends, but one he has to get through. and one he dedicates himself to do every day, because it's worth it, because it's worth life,

because he's worth life.

why do i want this? well, first off, it's because i'd love to see more chronic physical illness representation in fiction. it's not always clear cut with illnesses, and sometimes there Isnt a grand cure and it's more like an endless slog of maintenance

second off, i will repeat something i said in a previous ask i answered about luke's illness, but a sudden and 100% cure feels like a too-neat deus ex machina to me, narratively. his illness has been shown to be as Very lethal and Very painful and Very hard to treat, so for all of that to suddenly go away, well....the writing would feel a tad cheap to me if it were that easy.

and third off, because it'd fit well with the themes of luke's stories and luke's character

actually, let me go back to that previous ask i linked because im gonna copy paste a whole lot from it HAHA since my view hasnt changed since i wrote it. in that last ask i say:

in general with stories, i am less drawn to super neat resolutions and im more drawn to resolutions that are more like “and things werent perfect and they never will be, there will always be problems, but our characters will be okay and theyll keep getting better and better, and it’s in this push and pull of struggle and learning and progress and getting through where their happiness lies” ever since luke was a kid, even before he developed his condition, hes had the fear of being a burden to his loved ones. and when he does get his terminal condition, this fear is worsened and he starts to see his existence in other people’s lives as a whole as a burden of pain and grief that isnt worth the trouble. and…i dunno, i just like the idea of him continuing to live but also continuing to have these problems that still spark fear inside of him and still take so much work to manage every day. and out of habit, he braces himself for pain, not just for the kind his condition gives him but from Life because Surely, His Loved Ones Will Get Tired Of All Of This, Of Him and The Problems He Comes With, Right? but surprise surprise, they dont. because they care about him. because this should not and is not a dealbreaker for them continuing to care about him. aaron creates treatment thats more on the preventative maintenance meds angle so luke doesnt have to just wait for a pain episode to pop up and then dry swallow painkillers every time. it’s not infallible , but sometimes luke can have hours, even a whole a day sometimes where the pain hes bracing himself for doesnt come. mc always reminds luke to take his meds whenever luke gets too busy or caught up in a case. he worries at first that it’s an inconvenience to her for her to have to remember his routines for him just in case, but that worry becomes quieter as luke realizes she reminds him in the same tone as she says “good morning” or “have you had lunch yet? wanna join me?”, just this casual and loving thing thats now integrated into both their lives the team are always ready to help too in their own way. when luke gets a pain episode in hq, marius offers distraction in the form of idle chatter on (harmless) internal pax gossip while luke waits for his painkillers to dull down the stinging. when luke feels uncomfortable tingling crawling across his whole body while out with vyn, vyn subtly helps luke move from a crowded area to a quieter one where outside stimuli cant further overwhelm luke’s senses. when it’s a bad grip strength day and all luke wants to do is punch something and fuck his useless hands up even more, artem tells luke about custom silicone grips that exist for things like pens or knives or such and that they could look for some next time they go shopping. it is not perfect. but luke’s life, even with the pain, is still worth living. everybody is trying to help and eventually, luke learns how to start helping him self along with them too.

in summary: i think luke is a fighter. i do wish he had less battles to fight, but one battle that is important for him to fight is the fight to believe that he is worth living and worth joy in spite of it all

so if i had my way, i'd write him having to manage his illness for the rest of his life

and i'd also write him having a full and happy life while doing that anyway

thank you for the ask!! :'D

[hpdfag]

YOUR NEW THEME IS SO COOL OH MY GOD ITS LIKE MT FAV UNTIL NOW…sorry I haven’t been around much!! I’ve been so busy and I had some problems etc,,,but I’m so happy to be back :} are you in California yet?? I hope it all goes well with you and your family there, it sounds like such an interesting place as a non American who’s only seen it in movies etc…I hope you’re having fun :} last time we talked you said you weren’t feeling great, are you fine now??

I recently saw Stray Kids (the kpop group) live in Milan and IM SO HYPEDD they’re like my ult group?? Do you like kpop? If yes what’s your favs etc

Well, I hope you’re having a great day! Tell me how you’ve been doing,,

- 🧶

AAAA THANK U SO MUCH !!!!! its always fun going thru and changing things up and im glad i did ... the last theme was nice but i needed somethin fresh!! and don't worry at all, take your time, i hope you've been alright overall despite all that ^_^

and we'll be leaving at the end of the week i think! we would be leaving today but the person that was gonna watch our pets ended up in the hospital and my mom isnt getting paid till wednesday either ... but it'll all be alright!! and it's definitely an interesting place, im a little desensitized to it since all of my family's down there but there's lots to do and it genuinely always is amazing ^_^ im hoping to go to this hole in the wall game store while we're there actually ... exciting !!

and yesyes im doing much better !! i still have bad times on occasion but it's not so much an All The Time thing anymore ... i feel pretty great overall :D

and that sounds so fun !!! ive never really gotten in to kpop, ive only heard a few of the Really Popular Ones and other than that i'm almost completely in the dark ... i used to have some friends who liked uhhhh. i think it was le sserafim? and what i heard of their stuff was rlly nice !!

and i am don't worry !! :D i just woke up but im hopefully just gonna chill for today and maybe start on packing ^_^

[x-crowmancer-x]

The Body, The Brain, and Me!

Explained to a friend recently how I see myself in three parts: body, brain, myself (soul?)

The Body is also the flesh mech that The Brain and I pilot. They can pass on feelings to the brain but cannot speak words so theres a bit of a communication issue. Sometimes The Brain is being so loud that The Body ends up being ignored. They would definitely roll their eyes when Brain and I ask why we're miserable bc they tried to let us know we havent eaten all day. They can also contribute to Brain's panic mode, leading us to think a simple headache is a sign The Brain is dying, which worsens the panic.

The Brain is in charge of emotions and sometimes makes too many panic chemicals or has a phrase set on repeat for hours (crazy? I was crazy once... they put me in a-). The Brain often jumps to conclusions too quickly and we need to work out the steps to make it make more sense. One time we were convinced we were allergic to strawberries while eating strawberries. At night he likes when we talk about our day and sorta catalogue events. Sometimes The Brain does this thing where it'll feel like a live hive of bees has made its home in our thought process. Classic and very loud, the Brain Bees. We dont know if Brain Soup is better or worse.

Either one is preferable as long as it isnt a 'Leave Your Body Lemonade' bad time.

Me. Is.... ME! We dont really know what I am? Starstuff? Energy? A spirit? Who knows! I know the things I like, dislike, love and obsess over, what things I've experienced and can recall, the feelings I've had, the scrapes and bruises throughout life, the morals I choose to abide by. There may not be another ME in the entirety of the Universe, and we'll never know otherwise, but I really like being here. I think animals and plants and people are really neat to experience :) I'd like to think of myself as very fluid. As more of an experience than material being? When unsure of a label, a silly funny little space clown guy always works!

All together, we're a bit of a mess, but I want to reassure my co-pilots that it'll be okay and that life is still great and not bad all the time cuz... animals are really cool! They're so cool and we get to be around them!!! Like snakes!!!! They're so cute!!!!!

Dont take this as seprate entities, they're all me, just different departments of a mall??

[blackvail22]

one of the doctors i see every week said "you look like youre losing weight... have you?" and i said "yes, i am!" and they said i look good and praised me for it, saying its really hard. i said its because of a medication im on (because it is) and they said (assumingly as a joke) "hand it over! everyone needs that medicine ahahaha" but like... its my adhd and b.e.d medicine so i didnt know what to say so i chuckled or whatever i did a little fake giggle

but like YAY im not making up the fact im losing weight (obviously... but i still doubted myself) but also NAY because i really am used to looking the way i do and im afraid of being thinner because being bigger-than-average has been all ive ever been known for

its what ive wanted. ive always wanted to lose weight, become thinner, take up less space, fit into society, find clothes easier.... but now that its happening, its... troubling, somehow? the change is scary.

change is scary, but its inevitable. its further proof that im getting better, regardless of my bad days. because ive spent more than half of my life (at this point) not being okay, its going to feel weird. chaos, sadness, anger... its all ive known and been around, even inside of myself, in my head. now that its going away, it feels like a part of me isnt there. im still me, but the negative part--the part of me im known for--is fading away. a part of me is wondering if that makes me fade away, then. my logical side is telling me, "no, you wont fade away. you'll shine more than before. it'll just be like when the sun is shining while it rains. the sun will be bright as ever, but theres rain falling from above... in the end, a rainbow forms. even though my bad days, i'll still be myself, it'll still be hard to get through them, but it wont be debilitating anymore. it'll be manageable, and in the end, i'll still find the positive in the bad.

i just hope thats right

[mimimangos]

*i wrote this journal entry last week on the 14th and never posted oops

Hanging out with a friend tomorrow and im nervous. i dont even know why, I love this friend. I think because its just gonna be us two, so it'll be one on one. And we dont really hang out often. When we do, its either in a group or with another mutual friend.

I usually feel really awkward in one on one interactions, i'm much better in groups. Theres less pressure to keep the conversation going if youre in a group.

Still, I get anxiety before hanging out with anyone, one on one AND groups. The anxiety only lasts the days/hours prior to the event, then we meet up and im fine, excited to be with my friend/s, end up having a great time and go hope thinking "omg i love my friends so much <3"

But sometimes the pre-event anxiety is too much for me to juggle with everything else I have going on and I have to decline an invitation, this always feels really bad. Especially if I dont have a good excuse. I know my friends would understand if i told them "Im struggling with being social and I need more time until im ready to hang out again", but i just say "Sorry im busy that day".

But I have FOREVER wanted to be surrounded by friends, talking and joking around. even online in a group chat. I have journal entries from when I was 13, longing for some type of close friendship/s.

I had a close friend group in high school, which felt really good, but it dissipated. In my first year of college (2019), I had a project group that ended up turning into a friend group, but that dissipated within the year too. I haven't really made any new friends since and it'll be 2024 in like 2 weeks.

I WANT friends, I WANT to hang out with people, and i enjoy doing it, so why don't I?? All I do is sit in my room on my laptop. Even at school. I wake up, go to class, come home and sit on my laptop. Go to next class, come home and sit on my laptop. Go to cheer practice, come home and sit on my laptop until i go to bed. I did that EVERY DAY. And it was so comfortable, but i was sad about it. I feel like i wasted so much of my life and my youth away like this.

This train of thought was also partially spurred on by Nana, which im currently watching. Theyre all the same age as me, and their lives are so rich. They hang out and eat together and have band practice every day and go to concerts. I crave that life but my anxiety is keeping me from it.

Right now, since I've taken my adderall (and probably somewhat fueled by watching Nana), I feel way less anxiety about tomorrow and more excited. And about socializing/social events in general.

Talking to people isnt scary, its fun and the anxiety is trying to trick me.

Im gonna make so many friends and hang out all tha time !

[rvxscreams]

im genuinely grappling with the decision of whether to live or die

ive told myself the last few years, in order to get through each day, "you can either choose to end your life now, or accept that youll be alive for another long time, so why not try and make that time left more bearable?". this usually works. i think whats scaring me about where my mind is going is that the solution is slowly becoming "well then maybe i'll end my life instead"

maybe because im a coward. a coward who isnt strong enough to confront or challenge myself with the things i need to do in order to get better. ive always tried so damn hard to take accountability, be compassionate, supportive, and strong. but i havent been able to be strong for months now.

im stuck between a rock and a hard place. it always results in me punishing myself no matter what choice i make. i want to reach out to loved ones and ask for support? get fucked, youre selfish and manipulative for forcing others to give that emotional tax to you without you giving anything to them in months. but oh, you want to just quietly disappear and not make a theatrical out of fear of being attention seeking, so you dont ask for help or talk to anyone for weeks on end? youre a stubborn baby who cant accept help so theres no point in helping you because all you ever do is refuse it

i am a bad person. and i wish i stopped deluding myself into thinking im not, because all that does is skirt accountability.

i hate expressing how much pain and agony im in because itll just upset people. but then offing myself would upset them more. but i need to feel community and connection. and i feel like it's too late to come back from my isolation. how can i just come back in pretending like nothing happened? how can i pretend that i dont wanna kill myself every god damn fucking day and that ive spent months of having my biggest achievement be "i didnt hurt myself"

i cant get through a therapy session without sobbing. i cant think about my old life without having a breakdown. i try so. so. so. fucking hard. to amp myself up to reach out to people, but it's so easy to convince ymself that my presence will receive a strong negative response. like. why bother? i have no positive impact on others. i dont know why im still holding on and deluding myself into thinking it's worth doing so.

im stupid. no matter what i think or feel, my brain manages to find the negative in it and turn it into makign it my fault somehow.

ive always thought i am too weak for this world, and that has become apparent again.

i wish i could be strong.

i wish i could go to bed excited for what the next day will bring, instead of hoping that it'll be my last conscious thought.

im sorry.

this isnt a goodbye note. i am safe but i am not okay at all. im sorry for the heaviness of this. i dont want to be an emotioonal burden any more. i dont want to be thsi way. i just watn this pain to end. i just want it to all go away.

[nora-kano-rokii]

Haikaveh where kaveh is pregnant and when they found out about it he freaks out bc he read stories online where husbands wouldn't like the wives as much after postpartum takes over.

For days after the discovery Kaveh wouldn't eat or sleep as much, so far as to not talk to Haitham as much in fear of provoking anything that'll make Haitham "hate" him even more after the delivery

"Why aren't you eating?"

"Oh I'm just... not that hungry. I ate lunch earlier."

"But we always have lunch together??"

"Well something came up and I gotta change my schedule a bit. Sorry about that."

He'll just lie and lie and keeps on lying.

Kaveh isn't the type to wish anything bad happening on his pregnancy period, but he does severely dread the day of delivery. He'd get anxious and nervous (even more than he usually is) around Haitham and is always thinking about his next lie.

He loves the idea of motherhood. He loves the idea of having a child to take care of. He loves the idea of a happy family because that was something he didn't get as a child and is now more than willing to do anything to give it to his child.

What he doesn't like is the fear of Haitham leaving him if he's not good enough to satisfy his needs. The fear where he'll lose his worth as someone pretty and just end up as someone thats already been "used" and is not "perfect" anymore.

Haitham gets wind of what's going on and approaches him one day.

"Sweetheart."

"Yes?"

"Whats wrong with you?"

"What do you mean?"

"Dont play dumb with me, sunshine. Tell me what's going on."

And then Kaveh will freak out, thinking Haitham already knows about the postpartum fear thing and start crying and begging for Alhaitham to not leave him. He'll do anything, he'll be a good wife and stay with the kids and do all the housechores and stay in shape and-

A simple kiss shut him about for good.

"You don't ever need to be sorry about how you look like after bearing my children."

"But.. I've read stories... and surveys- about how husbands are more displeased with their wives' body image after postpartum-"

"You think I care how you look like?"

Probably not the best thing to say (he should've rephrased it better) as Kaveh starts to tear up again.

"You... you don't think I'm taking care of myself well enough..?"

"No, it's not that. Kaveh, sunshine. I fell in love with you because of your physical image. That was only one of the reasons why."

"You... did not?"

"You thought I would be like some of those freaks that ogles you shamelessly on the side of the road? Of course not."

"But.. you always said that it's absolutely important for me to keep being healthy-"

"Sunshine, healthy does not mean body image. Healthy means you are happy with yourself. Which you are mostly aren't. That's why I told you to be healthier."

Kaveh wells up in tears again as he realizes what Haitham is saying. He kisses Kaveh's forehead and rubs his belly.

"This baby is going to make us a family. Why would I care about how you're going to look like?"

(Again, probably should've rephrased it better)

"Everything will be a marker of your battles. I'd love every stretch mark it'll create. All the cellulites that you worry so much about will be mine to behold." Another kiss to the forehead, "Kaveh, please understand. I love you for just the way you are."

"I did not fall in love with someone who obsesses with their beauty. I fell in love with the Light of Kshahrewar, the person who brights up my day with just a smile. The person who makes me fall in love all over again when they laugh."

"So please. Don't be afraid of our children. I promise that I'll love you no matter how you look"

Kaveh sniffs, "E-even if I were a fungi?"

Haitham sighes and smiles, "You'd be my favorite fungi ever."

-End

---

i have not posted in a hot minute GAWD DAYUM anyways hi everyone ive come back with FICS instead of DRAWINGS isnt that COOL theres VARIETY now!! Also this fic was first posted on Twitter as i had a brainrot at 4am so if you're intrested in that please go support me on Twt! Thank you everyone!

[jxngh]

I know this isnt 18+ request.. but i love the way you write so i thought that you wouldnt mind if i request something angst and fluff.

Is it okay if you write something about how bts react when their s/o frequently having mental breakdown (long before they meet their lover) about how lonely and feel underappreciated.. nobody knows about how they feel because they dont really have someone they can trust and even if they have.. they dont want to burden their friends, so s/o keeps on bottled up their feelings then break down and they do this over and over again. How would the members react to this shadow side of their s/o that is the complete opposite of their persona who looks like they dont give any fucks and just living their life.

Lol.. this sounded a little specific.. its okay if you dont have time to do tuis..

pairing : bts x reader

genre : fluff, angst

warning : you're kinda in a breakdown..

author's note : this has been on my drafts for years, finally i'm sharing. thank you for requesting baby 🤍 of course i do write other than smut.. feel free to ask 😚

you didn't know why you were feeling like this recently or too many little things, you weren't sure. you felt like everything was pressuring you. the feeling was similar to your old breakdowns, before your healthy relationship with your boyfriend.

you were feeling that underappreciated feeling, that you're not loved and cared enough from people, even your closest ones.

you didn't even want to talk about this, thinking that you're gonna bother them or make them feel like you're overreacting to simple stuff, looking for attention.

and you were not like this normally, your bright persona was making you seem like you don't care about these kinda things. at all.

that was the reason you didn't want to share this with your precious boyfriend. you were scared to talk, scared to make him have wrong thoughts about you.

so you kept it all to yourself. not realizing that it'll come out hard eventually.

and yeah, the time came.

after a tiring day you had, mostly mentally. you were feeling bad and read some terrible news, which making you feel like drowning. and worse, everyone was busy to talk so you were alone with your negative, depressing thoughts.

you tried to feel better but no, your tears started to come out like pouring rain after the heavy feeling on your chest.

namjoon

"oh baby..." he said coming closer to you, getting your face in his hands. "is everything okay?" he looked at you with worried eyes.

you tried to hide your face, don't wanting him to see you this way. you tried to talk but your sobs didn't let you. so you nodded your head as 'yes'.

"sshh...it's okay you can cry baby. i'm here...i'm here" he cooed while caressing your back.

when you calmed down with his help you looked at him with puffy eyes, swollen lips and a pink nose.

"i'm sorry you had to see me like this joon." you said biting your lip and not looking at his eyes, feeling bad.

"you're sorry? about what baby? i'm your boyfriend and of course i will see you like this. even though i wasn't i would still be there for you because you're too important to me." he said lowering his tone at the end.

"now...tell me what made my pretty girl cry." he said with a calm tone, caressing your cheek with endearing eyes.

you told him everything you had in your mind. sometimes you felt like stopping but he spoke softly and made you sure that he's not gonna judge.

"baby, it's totally alright to have these kind of breakdowns. but not sharing it and bottling things up like this? it's not that alright. you may feel like not sharing with anyone but you have me. also you can get help." he held your hands and continued.

"i would never think you're overreacting or bothering me. you know me baby. i understand that you felt bad and thought it but don't do it again, okay? "

seokjin

"jagiyahh!! i'm home!!" he called out the moment he got into the room you're in. you tried to swipe your tears and get up but no, he already saw you.

"oh my! what happened?" he sat down next to you, holding your arms and lowering his head to see your face.

you tried to hide your face and look at another direction but no. he didn't let you.

"don't, look at me jagi...sshh it's okay. look at my eyes and take deep breaths." he said holding your hands and looking directly into your eyes.

"you're doing so good, yeah...one two and breathe out." he talked while he's doing the same things he said.

you could see in the way he looks at you that he's worried. he tried his best to not show you that tho, putting you first as he always did.

when your breathing got normal he fixed your hair gently and asked. "do you want to tell me what made you cry?"

yes. here he was being the most gentle person you've ever seen again. you felt bad about not letting him now in the same moment.

he saw the way your eyes softened and head fell down with guiltiness. "if not, it's okay...i can still be there for you."

your heart felt like filling with love and you told him everything which was making you heavy.

"i can't talk for everyone but i'm willing to listen everything you tell me jagi, share with me and don't be hard on yourself please." he said before leaving small pecks to your cheeks.

yoongi

you were currently on your sofa, not able to stop the tears that running down your cheeks after feeling the heaviness on your thoughts in your chest.

you didn't hear him coming in, only noticed his presence when he slowly caressed your back and spoke.

"__, baby."

after feeling a familiar feeling of his arms wrapping your body gently you kept crying. you tried to say' i'm sorry ' for making a mess on his shoulder but you couldn't even talk because of your crying.

"it's okay, you can cry as much as you need. just tell me there's nothing emergency."

you slowly pulled yourself back and looked up at him and shaked your head. "no emergency..."

he stayed quiet till you stopped crying and started breathing normally. now your eyes and lips were swollen.

"i'm sorry yoon. i didn't wanted you to see me like this." you looked down.

"why is that?" he said calmly, looking into your eyes for an answer.

"it's... i don't know, i just don't want to make you feel down because of me." you said.

"i'm feeling down after seeing you feel down __. don't keep these things to yourself. we all need to share our feelings, the good ones and the bad ones."

and you told him everything.

"i'm a good listener you know? please know that i'm always here to listen. and if you don't wanna share it with me it's totally fine. just don't bottle these thoughts up, it's bad for you."

hoseok

"__ie~~ where you at??" he called out of your name, searching for you in your shared house. you were crying too hard and couldn't answer to him.

he came and saw you crying hard, his face suddenly changed. his worries took over him.

after he ran to you and got your face between his hands he started to ask questions fastly.

"why are you crying babe? what's wrong? did you hurt? did something bad happen? oh god please don't cry." he said lifting your chin up and giving you a reassuring look.

"i'm here, baby i'm here please don't cry and talk to me." he said and dashed your tears away with his thumb, you felt better. his presence was making you feel secure and loved.

you took deep breaths and held your hands, never stopped giving you his reassuring gaze. kept telling you that he's here, fixed your hair and left kisses to your hands.

"please don't cry baby." he said and you could see him having teary eyes.

"okay okay i'm not crying anymore." you said holding his hands tightly.

"why did you cry babe?" he asked, tilting his head. and you told him everything, trying to hard to not cry again. but after seeing him shedding one tear, you couldn't stop yourself.

he dashed away his tears fastly. then yours.

"baby, i love you and care for you. it's okay to have breakdowns like this but don't hide your thoughts from me because you think i'm sensitive. if it's necessary we'll cry together."

jimin

"babee?" he called out your name before he saw you and his eyes went bigger immediately.

"baby, are you okay?" he said while he came and sat next to you. his small hands started to play with your hair gently, trying to make you look at him.

you kept sobbing and moved your head to his chest to get more comfortable, to make sure he doesn't see you like this.

"i'm getting afraid baby, please say something." he said wrapping his arms and hugging your body. then he kissed the top of your head, kept kissing it and whispering you.

"sssh, i'm here. but tell me if something has happened. please. look at me. " he cooed nd you started to feel relaxed as he kept hugging you.

and you talked, he waited for you to finish, full focus on you as he kept your hands between his.

" we all have breakdowns, you know my ones. i would never judge you nd you know it baby. please don't keep these thoughts to yourself. is it because i couldn't come to see you often? i promise i'll try my best to spend more time with you now on. just please don't hide. " he questioned himself.

" no baby, you're a great boyfriend. i guess i just didn't wanna bother you between all your work. promise i won't do it again. "

taehyung

" tannie? __? where are you?? " he asked at the moment he stepped into your shared house. most of the time tannie would be around hearing the door sound, taehyung thought. but not this time because he was with you, little paws moving on your arms, trying to help.

he came to the room you're in. " here you are. i was starting to wor- oh! __? " he said sitting next to you and getting little yeontan to his lap. his hands found your wrists to see your face.

you quickly wiped your tears to not make him worry but when you looked at him in the eyes, the worried look he gave made your eyes fill again.

" are you okay? is everything good? " he asked cupping your face. tannie moved and came to your lap, nuzzling his head to your tummy, both your boys trying to make you relax.

you started telling him everything, watching tannie and caressing his head. he listened everything you said without saying anything but holding your hand.

" we're all different, we all have our own problems, own thoughts, own emotions baby. i don't think it's fair to guess people's thoughts about this. i wouldn't judge you, but i understand why you didn't want to bring it up. but now on i want you to be more open, okay? " he said caressing your cheek. then he moved close, gave you a small kiss.

" i'm on your side. "

jungkook

" did you see my girl? did you see my girl~~" he sang while he looks for you in the rooms. then he saw you sitting, face between your hands. he ran and sat next to you.

" is everything okay? " he asked, throwing his bag away. you wiped your tears and looked up to him, big doe eyes looking for an answer. hair messy, body tired from all the work he's been doing.

" y-yeah. " you said, voice so weak. he held your chin and made you look at him.

" you sure? why did you cry then? " he asked with the cutest expression on his face. you loved him. you trusted him. so you started speaking about every doubt of yours about this, how you tried to keep it all to yourself thinking others. and you didn't want to make him upset.

he listened all your thoughts, wiped your tears anytime they fell down, looked at you like you're his everything.

" i wanna punch everyone who caused this, including myself. but you should've known that i would listen, doesn't matter if it's actually true or not. and... you can not know everybody's thoughts. talk to us baby, i don't know about them but i'd do anything to not see you sad. "

then he made you rest your head on his lap, played with your hair, slowly started singing your favorite love song. you loved him. so much.

[depression-stays-but-you-dont]

I'm giving up on you but I don't have anyone else. It could've been worse but that doesn't make it any better. I'm alone now, but that's just my natural state. I'm not sure what the point of living is. I push my comfort zone like everyone tells me to, but my body handles it worse than my mind does. My anxiety is so bad I pass out or throw up. Even after years of pushing myself into social situations cause exposure therapy or whatever. But it's not the only way my body has given up on me. Due to my disabilities I don't think I'll ever escape this house. Even if I got money for it, it wouldnt be enough to get me out of here. And i dont know how to heal here. I cant. Every little thing I do is poked apart. And I'm alone again. No more little trips to town that feel like a trip across the world, no more getting away for a weekend to stay at his house and finally getting some silence, no more help, no more leaving the house honestly. Even tho all of it felt like pure anxiety sometimes, it was something. But now... i sit and realize. The years i spent trying to get better. And im in the same spot still. Every social interaction still has me in full panic. I still shut down. I do not exist in my anxiety. I dont want to exist at all. This isnt about the breakup. This is about how i do not think recovery is possible. Because it isnt. All of my diagnosises lead right to "no cure, life expectancy shortened and quality of life will suffer". I cant handle a phone call, i cant handle a job, i cant even handle a casual conversation with a friend. I'll fight this to the end, but the progress doesn't help. I can look back and cheer myself a bit cause "at least i did it" but it didnt change anything. Maybe if i had healthcare, that would take care of a lot of it. But i think it'll just kill me instead. And im watching it happen. Im so frustrated and hurt. It feels like a constant hole in my chest and all i want to do is scream in pain. But im silent. All day. Every day. There is no one.

[awxward]

A3! Boys + My Stuffed Animals

Spring Troupe:

Sakuya

Gabriel

Gabriel is a small elephant with big ears that constantly make him fall over. He has a pink bowtie that says 'I Love You'

Makes Saku feel safe and Gabriel is a reminder to himself that he's loved and appreciated by everyone at Mankai.

Named after a friend from theatre class :)

Masumi

George Washington

George Washington is a tiger. He is small, but his arms are like those slap bracelets so you can wear him on your wrist (or let him hang on the side of shelf like I do).

So I got Georgy-Boy for easter 2020. i asked my friends for name ideas. They sent me stuff like 'Stripes'. I went offline for a few minutes and when I came back online I told my friends his name was George Washington.

//////////

Me: tiger has a name now

Friend: which name did you choose?

Me: his name is George Washington.

Friend: what the fuck. how'd you get George Washington?

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Pretty sure he got the name bc I was listening to the Hamilton soundtrack.

Citron

Daniel

Daniel is mostly pink but has other pastel colors that look like watercolors. He's a unicorn. And a ketchain. And he's one of those dream lites, so he lights up. (He's supposed too anyway, but he's never lit up since i got him like 7 years ago at a yard sale).

Named after Daniel Howell (formerly danisnotonfire) [YouTube]

Tsuzuru

Lucifer

Lucifer is a small panda pillow pet. Very easy to travel with bc he fits in most backpacks.

My mom told me she wanted me to have a stuffed animal with a biblical name, i picked him up, looked her in the eye and said "His name is Lucifer." My mom tried to protest. "You said a biblical name, Mom. Lucifer is in the bible."

Itaru

Pao(???)

Pao is a panda. They are also a phone holder thingy. Like it'll hold your phone if you're watching movies or whatever.

Like 5-ish years old. Got them from a friend. They have a tag with their name on it, but I read it once and then just called them "the panda" for some reason instead of their actual name and now the tag is too faded to read the name, but i am 38% sure it says Pao or something close to that.

Chikage

Tsuki

Tsuki is a dinosaur. Tsuki is a sparkly dino. He's green rn, but if you brush your hand over him, the sparkles turn over and he becomes orange. I like green tho bc his tummy and the bottom of his feet are orange and so are his eyes.

Named after Tsukishima Kei (Haikyuu)

Summer Troupe:

Tenma

Hinata

Hinata is a narwhal. A bright orange narwhal. Infact he is the same color as Tenma's hair.

Named after Hinata Shoyo (Haikyuu) [bc its the same color as his hair. there is a theme with this narwhal and the anime boys i associate with them]

Yuki

Steve

Steve is a regular teddy bear, except he has a shirt that has pikachu on it. (the shirt was originally Tsuki's bc i got tsuki at a friends build a bear bday party, but it fits Steve better)

I just think Yuki would try new designs/color schemes/styles by making clothes for Steve to see how they look.

I got Steve from a claw machine (my bf at time won him for me just before we watched Endgame together.)

Named after Steve Rogers (Marvel)

Muku

Eeyore

Muku most definitely loves the Winnie the Pooh movies and I will fite for this hc. He gets my Eeyore. You know how Eeyore's tail is always going missing or falling off??? Eeyore's tail comes off (velcro) but its attached to his actual body with a string so it cant be misplaced.

Eeyore has a patch that says "official disney store" but i got him for $3 at a thrift store.

Misumi

Sherlock

Sherlock is a polar bear. Sherlock is very huggable. He makes Misumi feel safe. He has a hat and scarf (that don't come off. they are sewn on him)

the hat has a pom pom on top and the scarf has a pom pom on each end. the hat and scarf and the bottom of his feet have a blue/white plaid pattern.

Kazunari

Victor

Victor is a puppy and the first big stuffed animal of mine on the list! He's all tan and abt maybe 3-4 ft long. Victor lays pretty flat so he's comfy to lay/sit on. I think Kazu would like sitting or laying on him when drawing. Probably has him on his bed so he's like a giant pillow.

Victor is from Toys R Us. I got him last August-ish from my Aunt and Uncle who found him at a thrift store and thought I'd like him.

Named after Victor Nikiforov (Yuri On Ice)

Kumon

PJ

PJ is a small white tiger. He is also a ball. He can fit in one hand. When Kumon is thinking or stressed or bored (etc) he just lays on his back and tosses PJ up into the air.

When Kumon is laying on the floor tossing PJ, Misumi sits on the bed closest to where PJ is and tries to grab him (but only if Kumon is in a good mood and okay with it) It's a fun little game they made up they like to play.

Pretty sure he was named after KickthePJ (YouTube)

liber pls give us a pic with all of autumn i am begging

Autumn Troupe:

Banri

Sammy

Sammy is another one of my large stuffed animals. He is also a puppy, but unlike Victor he is sitting instead of laying. He's abt 2-3 ft tall. His fur is the same color as Banri's hair. Great to squeeze at anytime, but very therapeutic when you're in a bad mood. Has a heart on his ear.

i got him abt 7 years ago. I had just finished spn season 2 and was upset abt the finale and had no way to start season 3.

Named after Sam Winchester

Juza

Tiggs

Tiggs is a beanie baby tiger. Tiggs is a little larger than PJ (and not a ball). He's a regular orange tiger instead of a white tiger like PJ. He'd buy Kumon PJ so they could have matching stuffed animals. Small and very comforting to just hold/hug.

Omi

Benedict (Ben)

Benedict, also known as Ben, is a small koala. Just a little bigger than Tiggs. He has a heart on one of his feet (i think the right one). very soft. very fluffy.

Named after Benedict Cumberbatch (Actor)

Taichi

Dean

Dean is my largest stuffed animal. He is a dark brown teddy bear that's abt 4-ish ft tall. He can be put in a corner and used as like a bean bag chair, or he can lay down flat and be a good pillow like Victor can.

It's very fun to just wrap around him and squeeze as tight as you can. Especially in when your in a bad mood. Very comforting to cry into.

I got him a couple years ago at a thrift store.

Named after Dean Winchester (Supernatural)

Sakyo

Lev

Lev is a lion abt the size of a regular teddy bear (maybe slightly larger). I got him a thrift store so he's slightly worn out from age. He's mostly a pastel dark yellow-ish tan and his mane is dark brown. very huggable.

He's the stuffed animal I sleep with. Smells nice all the time, like the fabric softener.

Named after Lev Haiba (Haikyuu)

Sakoda

Emotional Support Iron Man

So Iron Man is small and he sparkles. He will hurt you/someone if thrown hard enough. Sakoda likes heroes bc they remind him of Sakyo they look cool. I'd hc that he got Iron Man from Sakyo when he was younger and its one of his most valued possessions and goes everywhere with him (or stays with Azamo or Sakyo at the dorm. Maybe Izumi or a couple others are on the list of who can watch over Iron Man.) Very protective of it.

Got the emotional support part of his name from a friend.

She saw Eddie Redmayne on a movie cover (think it was The Danish Girl) and started freaking out bc she loved him. I handed her the Iron Man and the next day she thanked me and said he was an Emotional Support Iron Man and the name stayed.

Azami

[Emotional Support] Spooder-Mon

Sakoda knew Azami as a kid. He most definitely got him the Spider-Man so they could have matching plushies.

Spider-Man is square and has little blob hands doing the web thingy. The tag said travel pillow, but he probably just chills by Azami's bed. When needed, Iron Man will be placed next to him if Sakoda can't take Iron Man with him.

I brought him to school one day and we had a bio test and all the people sitting around me passed him around and gave him a pat for good luck. We all got good grades and then he was dubbed as Emotional Support Spooder-Mon, but the Emotional Support title isnt part of his name (unlike the Iron Man).

i wanted guy in the pic, but i also wanted tsumu and hiso in the pic so you get 2 pics for winter

Winter Troupe:

Tsumugi

Phil

Phil is a zebra. He is a pillow pet zebra. Like Lucifer, Phil is also easy travel size. The bottom half of Phil is pink, so I refer to him as my pink zebra.

I just think it'd be cute to have Tsumugi with a pillow pet ok. I also thought he'd probably have has Phil for many years (since he was a kid) and Tasuku most definitely brings up things from when they were kids and shit.

//////////

Tasuku: you chose the pink zebra, and for what???

Tsumugi: its a very aesthetically pleasing pastel pink.

Tasuku: THERE WAS A DOG PILLOW PET RIGHT THERE AND IT WAS CUTER

Tsumugi: dont talk bad abt Phil.

the rest of mankai: ????????

//////////

I got phil before I got Lucifer many years ago. He was old when i got him and he is very old now. I love him so much.

Named after Phil Lester (AmazingPhil) [YouTube]

Tasuku

Cap

Cap is a husky. He was won from a claw machine with Steve.

There's just something abt the grey and white that gave me Tasuku vibes. Also, Cap's eyes are abt the same shade of blue as Tsumugi's and Tasuku knows this bc they are in love. Very squishy when hugged and with the way he sits, you could make it look like he's guarding something.

Named after Captain America (Marvel)

Homare

Ushijima (Ushi)

Ushijima, also called Ushi, is the last of my giant stuffed animals. He is abt 2-3 ft tall (like Sammy) and has a tail abt the same length.

Ushi is a raccoon thats mostly hot pink. Ushi's eyes are also pink and just abt the same shade as Homare's hair, although Ushi's fur is brighter by a few shades.

Ushi hurts when thrown/swung hard enough. Very fun to hug bc he's filled with beans (like beanie babies) so unlike all my other giant animals, he doesn't have to be fixed/adjusted after everytime you squeeze him. The tail has cotton tho and makes a good pillow.

Homare would definitely just see a 3 ft tall hot pink raccoon and claim it with no explanation.

Named after Ushijima Wakatoshi (Haikyuu)

Hisoka

Vladmir Dracula the 3rd (Vlad, Drac)

Vladmir Dracula the 3rd, who has many other names but usually goes by Vlad or Drac, is a vampire (surprise).

Vlad is a squishmallow thingy, and their tags say something abt them being able to be used as pillows, and thats why Hisoka gets Vlad.

Vlad is triangular in shape, with triangle ears, and triangle fangs, so I thought abt Misumi, but i figured Hisoka bc it's a pillow.

He's like the perfect travel size and he has a cape and a bowtie.

Named after Vlad the Impaler, the real life inspiration behind Dracula (my brother thought he was named after Vladmir Putin and I wanted to punch him for that but I was too busy laughing.)

Also named after Dracula, who was a vampire.

Idk where 'the 3rd' came from, but it's part of his name for forever.

Azuma

Sebastian

Sebastian is a dinosaur thats blue with a white tummy.

He's also a squishmallow, but he's bigger than Vlad by abt 2× as wide, so he'd be harder to carry around, which is why Hisoka got Vlad instead. Being a squishmallow means he looks more blob than dinosaur and i love it.

His tag said his name was Dominic or something, but I named him Sebastian before I actually checked the tag, so he's Sebastian.

Named after Sebastian (Black Butler) and Sebastian Stan (Actor)

Guy

Moriarty

Moriarty is my other polar bear. I got him with Sherlock and named him Moriarty bc Moriarty is Sherlock's nemesis.

He's just a plain white bear thats very huggable and adorable. I usually have a bowtie on him bc it makes him look fancy.

Guy would like him bc he's plain white and very fluffy.