#and it’s not at all subtle abt like Trauma and Feelings so like

[aunclesquishy]

Wild that my coworker complains abt ‘millennial’ (modren) cartoons being ugly and woke, while being a big fan of vivziepop???

[dennisboobs]

plain and simple i am not going to be able to remain in this fandom long-term if i have to keep putting disclaimers on every single one of my posts that say i don't condone dennis' bad, bad actions and that i am in fact aware he's got a history of sexual assault and dubious/nonconsent. the entire gang has done heinous shit. why is dennis the only one who needs to be treated like this? if some rando wants to post about how dennis is pookie pie that doesn't automatically mean they're blind to his crimes. every single member of the gang is a piece of shit. that's kind of the point.

draw dennis with cat ears who give a shit

[qinnyanimation]

Why do you think abt epic! Calypso bcus I kinda have mixed feelings about her. I js don't understand why jorge erased all the sa and abuse she inflicted on ody but kept the behaviour of the suitors

I think when It comes to her, things are more subtle and not bluntly stated. I do believe that the most important thing about Calypso situation is it’s up to people’s interpretation. You can believe that the sa and abuse happened because of the implication in early lyrics and it’s also okay to interpret it as her just keeping him captive with a child like mindset like Jorge stated. At the end of the day, Epic is like a piece of literature that we can read in to and interpret it in a way we choose to experience it.

I hate people that harass others just because they have different views on the situation. I think it’s more important to be mature and respectfully discuss different perspectives with one another. Lots of people who disagree on her abuse does not mean they support her or is glorifying her actions and lots of those who believe on her abuse doesn’t mean they solely want to demonize her entire character and water down her to just straight up evil.

I just want people to respect each other when it comes to personal interpretations.

And after all, Calypso is a fictional character! It’s okay to love her as a character and don’t support her actions! It’s okay to dislike her and not comfortable because of her actions!

(As for my interpretation, click on more)

(So this is my interpretation of her (this is Epic!Calypso, Odyssey Calypso is 100% abuser no doubt about that)

Tw: mention of SA , suicide , emotional abuse, mental health problems, brief description of paranoia , false mindset

I think with the information from Jorge, the sa may happened in some extent. What I mean is there is an attempt for sure but never actually got to the point where they actually slept together. Odysseus probably refused so desperately that Calypso just decided not to proceed further. Not out of guilt or understanding of consent but rather confusion and childlike behavior.

She kept asking and asking, dragging him around insisting on her feelings and put Odysseus in to a lot of mental distress and emotional abuse. He’s in a constant state of fear about the possibility of her just decided to ignore his words one day and do what she wants. So he tries to do other simple tasks she wants from him, like holding hands, spending time together, walking together purely to satisfied her just enough for her to not force him in to far worse thing.

For her, this is like some romance novel of two lovers slowly falling in love, maybe the reason he kept on refusing is because mortal wants to take things slow? Or maybe he wants their relationship to be even deeper with times? She even started romanticizing his rejection at some point. Concept about consent is simply alien to her, Come on! Prince and princess always fall in love eventually! With this childlike mindset, it makes her even more terrifying.

Odysseus needed to lives with this unpredictable time-bomb for YEARS. Constantly worrying about her actions towards him while having the trauma of his journey haunting him for every single moments on that island. Resulting in his attempts on suicide in ‘Love in Paradise’.

[kurishiri]

Hiiii!! I want to say how much I really appreciate and enjoy reading your translations!! I enjoy rereading them often because it helps me understand something new about the character I am interested in!! Right now it is Darius so I have been reading a lot of your translations on him and I can’t wait to read more about him on his bond levels as I really want to know more about him and how he is with Kate. I am really curious what kind of suitor do you think Darius would be and how his overall character is with Kate? Again thank you so much for your hard work and hope you have an amazing 2025!! 🫶🫶🫶 Please take care!! 💕

haaii, happy 2025! ✨✨ and ty for your kind words too. i’m so happy to hear you’ve been enjoying the translations i do – it makes it all worth it 🥹🙏

and as for darius…he’s indeed one fascinating cookie! i’m gonna put thoughts under the cut bc ,, uh it may or may not have gotten kiiinda long 😂👌

darius vogel essay ↓

HIS CHARACTER.

i feel he, as a character, is quite childlike in the sense he just does whatever strikes his fancy because that’s what he wants to do. but he’s also very calculating and subtle to not show potential weaknesses. i wouldn’t be surprised if he’s gone through a lot of trauma overall, though, seeing how he seems to dissociate from himself, going so far as to think he’s “above” humans, as if he himself isn’t one (and yet, he is also very human, in an almost raw sense – his interest in kate as his “favorite” shows that he is not actually that capable of letting go of worldly attachments, and he is drawn to the idea of the “impure” in his birthday epilogue, when he smeared berry sauce on kate’s cheeks and wanted to keep his eyes on that).

interestingly, how his childlike front and calculating personality interact is something we can witness in one go when we can look at his relationship with food. he probably has had some form of food trauma (e.g. dealing with assassination attempts via poison in his food), as he seems to need to see others eat the same food first before he himself eats. but he doesn’t ask this directly, instead phrasing it like an invitation for the other to eat first. in this way, he doesn’t have to put himself in a more vulnerable state than the other. he eats with proper table manners while dining with crown “out of consideration,” but he prefers to eat messily, likely as an act of rebellion…could he have been in a very controlling environment when he was young?

this could in turn spur him on to be controlling of others in the present. i don’t think he is incapable of love like he claims, but i do think his sense of love, thanks to what could be growing up in a controlling environment, is inherently warped. i mean, if we look at dari and his relationship with ring…i don’t think it’s that darius doesn’t hold any “love” for ring — he probably thinks it’s a form of love in a way — and i think ring does need darius in the sense that darius is the one who can provide him stability and validation. when ring is hesitant to do something, he turns to darius. if darius thinks it’s alright, then ring does too. but also, darius is arguably very controlling over ring and manipulates him too. could be abuse, if we’re speaking bluntly. (one that i think, in a sense, ring can feel too.)

RELATIONSHIP WITH KATE.

so if we extend from that logic, i think his relationship with kate would get a bit twisted and gnarly as time goes on, when kate starts to become more than a “favorite” that darius sorta likes to coddle over like a pet. he seems to hold some yandere tendencies fs over kate — which goes further to show his sort of controlling nature. hell, he joked abt shipping her to germany. darius calm down! we can discuss this ,,!

anw it’s probably more so a relationship where kate chooses to “fall” along with darius. stuck in this cycle of trying to prove love exists to him and whatnot. or, i think it would be cool for it to sort of be that way. i know it’s an otome game, but also i think i kind of like the idea of sort of exploring a more complicated relationship, where whether it’s really truly romantic in nature is sorta left more vague and up to interpretation.

at the moment, though, from what i can glean from these two…kate seems to want to get along with darius, yk, like she would want to do for others. she sort of wants to treat darius as an equal, even though she is a bit cautious of him, very understandably so. she doesn’t seem that afraid of approaching him as a whole, though she also expresses some dissatisfaction at him sort of treating her like a pet and whatnot. however, it feels like in the end, it’s always him who gets the last word. they also seem to be opposites in the sense that darius doesn’t believe in love, while kate believes no one can truly live without love, to which darius says to “prove” that love exists. so maybe there’s a bit of that opposites attract sorta vibe going on too?

basically, kate can either “prove” love to darius, or the “poison” darius imbues in her will act on her first. perhaps that’s a matter of time.

[kindlespark]

this is gonna be SO long and rambly sorry anyway i saw a post abt how babel does queer characters and it got me thinking abt why the tropes it uses would usually turn me off other stories but didn’t here

MAJOR BABEL SPOILERS //

i feel like i’d be more mad abt how robinramy ended up in babel if it marketed itself as queer lit at all or if its fans were going “WOW AMAZING QUEER REP” abt it. but no one told me any of that, so finding out they were gay was just a fun little bonus surprise to me. i get why ppl are eh abt robinramy not getting together/technically still being subtext (which i dont think is really true btw like the book literally says “robin was falling in love” but idk i guess if you were stupid you might’ve assumed that it was falling in love with oxford given how romantic some of the other language is (WHICH IS ALSO THE POINT bc i think robin’s friendship with ramy blurring into romance is why he romanticised like all his friendships/experiences in oxford BUT IM GETTING OFF-TOPIC)). i just think robin’s repression abt being gay was intrinsically tied to his attitudes on imperialism (wrt refusing to acknowledge anything that complicated his life until it was too late) and i don’t consider it a cop out or queerbait. like i genuinely don’t think robinramy could ever have gotten together without drastic alterations being made in terms of plot and character. plus i think it’s clear that kuang didn’t want to write a story with any kind of focus on romance at all, because it’s not that kind of book. there’s no successful het romance either, so it grates a lot less. the only reason romance is included at all is to show the ways in which white entitlement manifests. so the tragic way robinramy played out just made sense to me.

and i speak as someone who accidentally spoiled myself on You Know What in the middle of reading and i was like ugghh boooo dreading it the whole time expecting to roll my eyes when it happened but then when it did i was like. wow im actually not that mad LMFAO 😭😭😭 actually thematically the book sets it up so well that i believed that this was unfortunately the only way it could’ve gone. babel is about the loss and tragedy and grief that colonised people experience. it’s about the lengths people will go to to uphold empire and the lengths ppl will go to to tear it down like idk 😭 i guess it is bury your gays but it didnt bother me this time because i thought it fit thematically ❤️ i enjoy tragedy as a genre a lot and i would’ve made it gay anyway you know. thanks rf kuang for doing it for me so i didnt have to.

WHICH IS ALL TO SAY that i guess if you’re going into babel for the queer rep without appreciating that the story is fundamentally a tragedy it would feel like it’s just reusing tired tropes….. but i think the choices kuang made were rly deliberate and not in a way that feels like trauma porn or shock value. the book is fundamentally about the struggles of poc so the layer of queerness that was introduced felt like a subtle extension of the experiences of characters of colour in the book, and i enjoyed and related to it as a queer chinese person who kind of realised they had to prioritise their fight for the liberation of poc over queerness mainly because the idea of western queer liberation cannot be dissociated from imperialism and many aspects of homophobia as we know it was an export of christian european empire into our colonised countries in the first place and FUCK THIS IS A WHOLE OTHER TANGENT ABOUT HOW I THINK RAMY AS A CHARACTER IS EMBLEMATIC OF THE TENSION AND STRUGGLE THAT QUEER POC DIASPORA HAVE BETWEEN OUR IDENTITIES GODDAMNIT OK FORGET IT POST CANCELLED i just rly think babel’s handling of queer characters is fine and makes sense and i like it personally and maybe i will make a coherent analysis about it one day but that day is not today byeeeeeee

[imagineitdearies]

not a Perfect Slaughter question but Astarion one. you remember that scene in goblin camp where a Loviatar priest and PC can do an impromptu bdsm session? Astarion's reaction always confused me. he seems to be strangely into it for a person who experienced a lot of non consensual sex with physical violence sprinkled on top. like yes, he could be faking it (it's act 1 after all) but he gives a lot of approval points for it.

is it just a case of him being his usual gremlin self? or is he more amenable to the show now when he isn't the one on the receiving end of a whip? also at this point in a game i doubt he cares too much for PC (reminds me abt his remark "i don't like seeing you hurt" or smth along the line).

and more generally, what do you think is his stance on pain play and d/s stuff in the bedroom? anyway would like to hear your musings on this, ciao <3

Hey anon!

I'm no Astarion expert compared to some in this fandom, but this is a scene I've thought a lot about the implications of myself so I'll offer my two (very long-winded) cents. I'd love to hear others' thoughts as well!

I agree that Astarion's big approvals should be isolated to the context of when in the game he's giving them. Based on his smaller approval points in Act I, when Astarion starts out this journey he seems to like watching people get treated how he once was. Just a few really early examples:

Tav* making Lae'zel say please (Astarion begging Cazador)

Tav making Zorru bow (Astarion having to bow in Cazador's presence)

Tav prodding Nettie's injured bird till it dies (Godey flashbacks)

Tav telling Mayrina's brothers they won't help (no one ever helping Astarion)

Tav terrorizing Lorin/entertaining his delusions (☹)

So we could argue Astarion is just leaning into this sadistic trauma response in the Loviatar scene as well. He finds satisfaction, however temporary, in seeing others endure what he once had to, and reassuring himself that he's on the winning/powerful/in control side this time. AKA not the weak pathetic person he feels like he was before. The self-loathing is subtle, but not far under the surface.

Considering he often disapproves of Tav being self-sacrificing and weak in other instances, however (usually when it's on behalf of others), why does he highly approve in this certain instance of Tav submitting to pain and injury for seemingly no good reason?

I think the timing of this scene in Act I makes a big difference, considering it's deep in the goblin camp where the party is usually at least a couple levels into their adventure. So in that case, Tav is the established leader, Astarion's vampiric nature is revealed, and they've survived quite a few encounters together already. Some trust has been built. Astarion is more assured of Tav's strength, competency, and willingness to keep him in the group....but that assurance of Tav's strength could be crossing over to feeling unsafe again.

There's plenty of other chaotic, less-sadistic things that he likes (BAAAA!), but almost** all of his big +5 or +10 approvals come from Tav agreeing to something that makes Astarion feel safe and/or powerful. So perhaps Astarion wants Tav to say yes to the Loviatar pain ritual because he views it as a show of strength. He might feel safer knowing that his leader can not only handle pain, but is so entirely unafraid as to welcome it even in the midst of a dangerous goblin camp--something Astarion's 'weak' past self never would have done (cue the self-loathing again).

Based on how eager he sounds when encouraging Tav, though ("don't you dare say no!"), I like to think that he's playing it off as sexual but in reality wants to assure himself he's not with another Cazador. While Astarion is likely to follow Tav regardless, I think he's more interested in being intimate with Tav--if he hasn't already--after seeing that Tav is okay with not always being in charge and assertive, in control. I think, especially at the start, Astarion craves control after not having it for so long, and this kinky display tells him Tav wouldn't mind him taking over for a little while.

Which, at last, gets us to your question about Astarion's views on "pain play and d/s stuff in the bedroom." I think it's telling that Astarion has a +5 approval during the first sex scene if Tav rolls over and lets him bite, and no matter which final romance scene you end up with in Act III, he's depicted as the top. If he ascends, he quickly jumps into what I'd call a permanent d/s dynamic with spawn!Tav where's he's the one in control, made all the more evident with the new kissing animations for patch 6. Plenty of implications to be had, about his preferences.

Now (and these are entirely my headcanons/opinions from here on out), Astarion just isn't in a place for what I'd consider actual healthy d/s dynamics in the bedroom during or immediately after the game timeline, as his mindset is too rooted in fear, self-loathing, and desperate grabs for control. It's been days, weeks at most since he was tortured and controlled on the regular--a lot of this stuff could be triggers and provoke flashbacks, or at the least reinforce the idea in his head that sex is a tool of manipulation and control. Truly safe, sane and consensual d/s acts just don't seem on the table--he goes through a period of not wanting sex at all, much less intimacy where so much trust is required.

But post-game, with enough time? I could see spawn!Astarion*** eventually enjoying some light bdsm in either role, maybe pain play beyond bites if he was the one giving, not receiving the pain. Which all could be a healing experience for him, with trust and aftercare involved. He wouldn't make it on my list of 'top three kinkiest companions' though 😂

Anyways, this is all very much my personal opinion!! Astarion is a fascinating character with so much nuance, there's endless ways to interpret him. And maybe he was just feeling extra chaotic and kinky that day 🤷‍♀️ "Ah, drink it in - that sweet, sweet chaos. Not that I approve of goblins, of course - filthy little beasts - but I do like a good den of debauchery."

Thanks for the question anon. If nothing else, I hope these ramblings entertained! 💙

*Tav represents Tav, Dark Urge, and origin characters in this post

**The one exception that I can think of is the +5 approval for letting him interrupt during the bugbear/ogre scene. Chaos gremlin indeed.

***Ascended!Astarion's characterization and lore is just a bit too inconsistent and vague (in my opinion, of course) for me to analyze a future for. Press (x) to doubt that he can eventually practice safe, healthy bdsm on the side with spawn!Tav while he does his evil stuff and tries to take over the world, but maybe??? Lol he doesn't make sense to me.

[validity-system]

I'm a RAMCOA sys (I've heard that term is shitty but I want yall to know what I'm on about) and this blog has lit up my day lmao.

Syscourse tumblr is an unrelenting onslaught of utter bullshit and disinformation on all sides of every debate.

Imo most of the system tags are flooded with subtle anti-recovery messaging and this whole 'community' is a cesspit where people obsess over suffering and stroke their egos.

I often wish I could've been born earlier to avoid this social phenomenon because it has utterly ruined my life. I've even had an ex-best friend appropriate my symptoms for roleplay and sexual reasons.

There is nowhere left where a dude just trying to recover can get on with it and be a normal fucking person who just has a disorder. And that is why i feel so represented by your blog XD

I can tell from your blog that you're probably very intelligent because this is ACTUALLY satire. Not like those dumbasses who just roleplay for 6 months then go "GOTCHA I'M FAKING 🤪".Ppl might not get you but I do. You're poking fun at all of sysblr and they hate that. You don't disrespect 'RAMCOA' ppl at your core [again idk what we call it on tumblr now] [TEEHEE CORE]. I was having a SHITTY day thinking abt my SHITTY ex-friend and shitty shitblr shitcourse and you gave me a good fucking belly laugh so thank you, validity-system.

And the fact that people are telling you to kys instead of blocking you like adults says enough about the reality of this SUPPORTIVE COMMUNITY 💖💀

btw millipede is my fave I love the font choice

But scissors has a way with words <3

[Btw other ramcoa survivors wishing for you to go through their trauma are deranged and they need to log the fuck off. I scrolled ur whole blog and you haven't talked shit about us so why are these ppl frothing at the mouth talking about selling ppl off to traffickers???]

🩷❤️🧡💛💚🩵💙💜

[dialalagirl]

As you wish pookie <3

Let's start with how I perceive you. You're fun, really fun to talk to and you feel warm. Despite my nervous and sometimes distant nature, your attitude and general behavior helped me speak my mind without worrying too much. Your blog never fails to bring a smile to my face and i look forward to seeing your posts which doesn't happen often for a long time, because I'm easily distracted and bored. You've somehow managed to keep me fixated on your blog lol, congrats. Besides all this, you having cancer in both sun and moon makes me think that you'd be amazing with empathy and could easily read people without much effort on neither their nor your part, it comes to you naturally. And that carefree aura? Fuck yeah i CRAVE friends like that 😭. I feel that you'd be an amazing one for late night talks and pj-parties; and your relaxed, welcoming demeanor is most likely appreciated by more people than you'd think <3.

Moving on to the one I believe would suit you best: I'd say laito!

I do have a second one in mind tho sdjkdfn subaru could also suit you. Here's my reasoning:

Laito~

You see, he's just there to have a good time and relax, he's been through way more than enough 💀. Honestly I can see him spoiling you rotten, and you two would have late night (day??) talks all the time. He'd talk to you abt anything once he believes you're genuine about how you feel with him. This includes his childhood memories, traumas, random things that intrigue him, and honestly anything to keep the conversation going if it means you'll stay with him. Besides, it's a perfect opportunity to explore together, if ykwim ;>

Subaru~

I was going to say subaru first, but laito's charming personality stopped me. The reason being, subaru is more subtle with his affection; he doesn't outright say it or show it without hesitation. He does it secretly, you'll kinda have to read between the lines in his words if you wanna hear his affection. Don't get me wrong, he does voice his emotions, just not as openly as laito. Most of the time, I feel like he'd rather try to show it through actions rather than words because tbh I'd be bashful to say what's in my heart too lol. Deep talks would happen more often with him tho, once he trusts you enough to talk about himself with you, you're not leaving him bbg he can't have the one person he cares about leave him behind <3

So yea, hope u like it <3

JBIDBCIEIDNIWIBCUUBWLJHDB-- I LOVE THIS, why are you are being so sweet to me omfg, I'm dying over here of diabetes and I don't even mind <33 thank u so much for being my DL cupid :DD

never thought Laito would be such a great fit for little ol'sexually shy me, but actually rn? totally buy it especially considering his AMAZING route in more blood

and I got my fave too: suba buba -- my favourite brand of bubblegum!!!

why am I being spoiled today with all the goods and all the best people? <333

[hourafterhour]

hmmm actually i'd be so interested in hearing about why you hated tsc? i personally didn't hate it but thought it was very flawed and would love to hear your critiques <3

very long below!

starting more generally, i thought the structure of it was bizarre, especially the choice to start it where she did. rehashing the end of TKM in very minute detail from a new pov did nothing for me, and i don't think it's where this part of jean's story "starts" if that makes sense. i found a lot of parts really ham-fisted and poorly written, esp very sloppy/lazy/straight up bad characterization (jeremy giving the homeless man a gift card, lmao); and her reliance on very high drama plot points (surprise secret sister - that was when i could not believe what i was forcing myself to keep reading; also reacher showing up, other parts i've forgotten). i think this approach works so well in aftg, where the melodrama is crucial, but it fails here, and i got the impression that she didn't feel like she was telling (what should have been) a fundamentally different type of story in content and structure than aftg. using any of the very compelling interpersonal dynamics wrt jean in her original trilogy to build drama in a subtler way would have been so much more rewarding imo. "can jean make a life outside the nest” is the built in stakes of the story. can he survive what has happened and what comes next. no need to make it any more dramatic than that - those are pretty high dramatic stakes to me. to give a more specific example, i thought the scene abt jean having to relearn how to check because the way the ravens do it is dangerous was excellent, especially when jeremy explicitly tells him “you’re hurting me” and it’s still unclear if that will be enough to make jean resort to a style of gameplay that’s less effective. this is more along the lines of what i’d hope we’d get from this book — subtle moments that arise from this being a sports narrative and a recovery narrative, and the unique situation of jean being forced into intimacy with a new team (again, a situation that is already so dramatically rich!) 

but my main issue is that I think aftg is a pretty exceptional (and exceptionally unique) trauma narrative, and i think jean’s trauma was poorly written here from start to finish, and pretty unimaginative/cliche. my overwhelming thought while reading it is that it was a really poorly researched book. writing the perspective of a character IMMEDIATELY after release from years of captivity is an extraordinarily difficult task, and the way she tried to account for what his patterns of thinking would have adapted to under those conditions was paltry to me: “I am Jean Moreau. My place is at Evermore. I will endure.” — i was literally rolling my eyes. just a really depressing lack of depth of interiority wrt an experience that was already so rich and subtle in canon. the single line in tkm when abby says he's already tried to escape back to the nest twice was more complex and worth more to me than all of tsc

to give another specific example bc this is one part i remember well, i was so annoyed at the scene when jean offers his racquet to rhemann for punishment. like it's so lazy!!! it's so lazy. jean is not stupid, and i could have believed it if it was written as jean being confused/getting where he was and who he was with mixed up, but a crucial part of the ideology of the nest was that this was not like other teams, and their lifestyle is not ordinary, and this is necessary to make them better than everyone else. jean would be well aware that other people on most other teams do not get physically abused by their coaches, in front of the rest of their teammates, as a matter of course. like maybe that seems nitpicky, but this actually seems so essential to me. and there were so many other moments where it just didn't seem like any meaningful or interesting thought had been paid to how jean would have interpreted his own life, and i hated how she had to make him do things like this to make certain things about his past visible because she couldn't do it in more skillful ways

i was kind of withholding judgement through the first little bit, but the first scene with kevin really solidified that i would not enjoy this book. jean is, what, a few days removed from the nest? i just do not believe (or want to be asked to believe) that he and kevin would be able to articulate any of that by that point, or have the words to discuss these things openly like that already. this was baffling to me because, once again, this is handled really well and compellingly in the original trilogy!!! hence my 40k two months of madness!!!! jean and kevin literally cannot even speak to each other when they see each other at the banquet, to the point where andrew intervenes just to get them to stop watching each other. iirc there was a part in the EC where nora said they don’t have a real conversation till a year (or multiple years?) out of the nest which felt extremely true to me. laila, cat, and jeremy constantly pressing him to express what happened, as if being able to narrativize a traumatic experience is not actively one of the hardest things about recovery, again just felt like lazy writing. everything has to be spoken out loud for it to work here, because she didn’t build conflict in any other way. i actively disliked laila and cat by the end of the book because she had to use them in such annoying and blunt ways to drive the story forward.  

OKAY there is my quota of "joyless hater" for the day... i appreciate you wanting to hear my thoughts!! if you have any thoughts on any of this i'd love to hear them as well. and if you're interested, i'll take the opportunity to rec an academic text on some of these dynamics, Alexandra Stein’s book “Terror, Love, and Brainwashing: Attachment in Cults and Totalitarian Systems"

[todorroki]

Love Sea ep 6 thoughts

the way this show loves to go from backstory → sweetness → [fire emoji x10] should be studied fr

this post is gonna be mega scattered thoughts sorry

i did NOT notice until this episode, but tongrak lives by water which is so fitting.

i know we're trauma dumping in the first 10 minutes, but can i just appreciate the lighting in this scene. again, i don't know a single thing about cinematography, but like the warm glow behind mut and the cool tones of rak's shot being hit with a subtle warm light. is it intentional? I DONT KNOW!! i don't even know if what i'm saying makes sense LMAO but i feel Something. also plus points for showing peat's beautiful eyes. i love seeing them in the light.

and the cuddle scene in bed after this is so chef's kiss. I TOO WANT TO LAY ON FORT'S WARM CHEST!!!!!!

tongrak's mannerisms are so cute like the snuggling, the pouting, etc. i think peat accentuates that so well too (or am i being biased again idk idc)

please this part...... UUUUOOOOGGGGHHHH mut holding rak's hands down, the slow build up to kiss, rak with his tongue out ready to go..... fortpeat know how to dial it up!!!!! their tension is crazy

also thank u for the thighs. i love thighs. fort's thighs in those jeans. and peat's are always out in this series thanks to the short shorts.. brain food.

i want khom's green fit so bad like THE PASTEL and my favorite color. i'm wondering if we'll get to see connor at all besides his voice. in the novel, he shows up with khom during this part.

i'm glad we're getting to see more of rak and vi's friendship. i feel like there's been a lack of that so far so this short scene is good to solidify their closeness. also the way peat smushes his face against the pillow here is SOO cute. he plays cute pouty kitten characters so well.

also vimook... THEY'RE SO UNSERIOUS!!!!!!!! PLEASE mame what is ur plan for them bc i am literally the mf crying emoji seeing their progression. the show is already deviating from the novel (they have extra scenes in the series iirc) so i don't know what to expect.

BRING HIM BACK TO THE WATER!!! HE BELONGS ON THE ISLAND. mut in the city but near water... so close yet so far....

also finally we get meena aka we're truly starting the conflict of this story. i really have to praise nina. fortpeat have said before she's good, but i've never watched anything she's in so i didn't know but yes. she is GOOD. kid/young teen characters can be super hit or miss and i think nina hits it out of the ballpark. she's VERY natural and comfortable with her line delivery and expressions.

i think one of peat's strongest points as an actor is his display for yearning. he's so ridiculously good at internal panic.

also how can i NOT mention the face-fucking nc at the end!!! after getting interrupted twice (once last ep and during the mid-way point of this ep) i was like we have to get Something right? AND WE DID RAAAH I LOVE WINNING!!!!! love sea truly does make me feel like im constantly winning in the nc department.

SHOUTOUT TO PEAT ACTING A CUTIE (and leg... i love leg)

anyways i will be gushing abt fp for a second here LIKE OOH MY GOD THEY ARE JUST SOO SOFT TOGETHER LIKE

DOMESTICITY!!!!!!!!!!!!! ROMANCE!!!!!!!!!!!! COMFORT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! THEY CAN DO IT ALL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

CAN SOMEONE PLEASE GET THEM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

idk if mmy will have anything for them after this (i think they hinted at SOMETHING but it's most likely not a series) but i need some casting person out there to see them and be like "YES FUCK WE'RE HIRING" LIKE IM GONNA NEED MORE AFTER THIS SERIES PLEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEASE the way they fit together..

[vyuntspakhkite-l-darling]

I love seeing people ramble about their stories so, can you ramble about Biting the Bullet?

Totally! I recently decided to pause my first draft because I got stuck and do a dummy draft instead so it'll be nice to just talk about it a little. <3

Originally it was going to be a silly story about a military fireteam during a war in a fantasy universe. It. It was going to be silly. It was going to be an action-comedy. It is.... not that anymore. All the world conflicts started getting into the mainstream media and I began seeing more military recruiters in my school and I kind of began projecting my anxieties and frustrations and stuff onto the story and honestly I think that made it a lot stronger.

I have three options I'm still not sure which to pick for the POV. I'm doing it in 3rd person past tense for sure, but I'm still not sure if I'm going to switch between all four of the main characters' perspectives, just Sibatol and Arsioly, or just Arsioly. For the first draft I'm rotating between all of them and we'll see how I feel after that.

I think my favorite thing about this story is the decisive character moments I have planned. My characters will develop gradually, but their biggest developments come from moments where they have to make big choices, whether to stay in their old ways or grow as people. Visralion, the team's medic who usually puts others before himself, says no when Arsioly first asks to be his boyfriend. Because even though they both like each other, Arsioly is a pretty shitty person to everyone but Visralion at that point, and Visralion recognizes that if they got in a relationship it'd just end up with him trying to fix Ari and that's not his job. This is also a big moment for Arsioly- he can choose to be awful about the rejection or he can choose to look at his own behavior and improve as a person. He chooses to improve himself.

Ari probably had the most of these and I can't say one of them bc spoilers but another one he has which is more subtle but still important is when Estera, the girl his fireteam finds on a mission and basically adopts bc she has nowhere else to go, wakes him up in the middle of the night to cuddle because she had a nightmare. His immediate reaction is to tell her to suck it up and leave him alone so he can sleep. But he chooses to be compassionate to her and it really makes him realize how much better it feels to be nice to people (and helps teach him the value of a life bc he almost shot her and is now seeing that all the people he's carelessly killed could have gone on and had moments like these but shh...).

Most of Virava's are more spoilery but they revolve mostly around her being terrified about her past repeating itself, and she ends up overcorrecting and taking several steps backwards before she finally stops bearing all her feelings by herself and actually talks to people about her fear.

Talking about Sibatol under the cut because his portion of this revolves around be talking about him being promiscuous, if hearing abt that will make you uncomfy don't read further :3

The one I can think of for Sibatol is a bit less straightforward than the previous ones but bear with me. He struggles with hypersexuality for most of the story due to trauma from when he was young. Sleeping around causes a lot of problems for him but he just can't stop and he really struggles in situations where he can't just fuck his way out of it. Most of the moves he makes hurt him or make situations worse or just generally dig him deeper into this hole he's dug for himself. But I'm not the person that's gonna give you a character like this and then tell you that the way they become a better person is by being less of a slut. His turning point (I won't be too specific bc spoilers) is when he learns how to use his sexuality in a more strategic way, a helpful way that makes things easier for people for once, which is a gateway into him changing his mindset abt his sexuality and he's still as promiscuous by the end of the story but he doesn't just use it as a distraction from bad feelings anymore, he approaches it in a healthier way.

[chaikachi]

Hi! I was wondering if you had any favorite headcanons (made by you, or thought of by somebody else) about RoseGarden? There's a lot of things one can come up with for this sort of pairing, so I'm really curious about them.

I've seen some posts from others in passing, but can't tell you any one place to look for them specifically. I do invite anyone that sees this post to share any they have though!! As for me... ough where to start aha. oh wait an easy one

OSCAR FELL FIRST RUBY FELL HARDER AND I WILL DIE ON THIS HILL.

Bro literally said "woah" when he first met her and is Aware of just how Down Bad he's been this entire time. He's fine with it never being reciprocated though and doesn't want to pressure here. A very selfless love. Whereas I expect Ruby to get back from Total Trauma Island to a series of small "oh." moments that build up to a much bigger:

"Oh."

I like to think Ruby is demi-aroace. I can see her realization being an 'oh i have been a little bit in love with him this whole time' situation, but she just didn't realize because - like all her other feelings up to that point - she had been suppressing them. OR she looks back, acknowledges how much she's always cared for him and has a sort of "if it was ever going to be anyone, it was going to be you" moment. And in the face of all her loneliness and fear and grief she decides to 'trust love' and be a little bit selfish about this one thing.

aka just as Ruby chose adventure and adventure chose Oscar, Ruby chooses to love Oscar on purpose while he is sitting there like "I never had a choice but to love you. Okay this is getting long and less narratively focused so i'm gonna put it under a read more:

I like to think that Oscar doesn't stay a 'morning person' and instead becomes reallll grumpy if you wake him up too early, which Ruby does often cause she's always been an early riser. Meanwhile if Oscar manages to get Ruby to sleep for 'five more minutes', she turns into the grumpy one.

While still travelling together or working as huntsmen, Oscar always carries around some grab and go snacks that he knows Ruby likes cause she can sometimes forget to eat and giving her food is one of his love languages.

Speaking of 'love languages', I know the system has some ~questionable~ origins, but I do like to think Ruby is more of a "physical touch & words of affirmation" girlie as opposed to Oscar who is more "acts of service & gift giving". They're about even when it comes to quality time together. Are happy to be very engaged in whatever activity they've chosen or just like enjoying the other's company while they're both doing their own things.

Sparring is one of their favourite things to do together, but they are also known to dance (slow or silly) in the kitchen while they're waiting for baked goods to come out of the oven.

Oscar isn't a fan of dogs after the Hound incident and Ruby isn't big on cats after the Ever After, so they either don't get pets or choose something a bit more adventurous. Like a bunny or a lizard. Maybe chickens.

Oscar is very affectionate once they're properly in a relationship and he doesn't have to hide how he feels, but the two of them are never 'loud' about it. It's always been a quiet, subtle, natural thing. Very balanced and good communication. Patience and understanding whenever the other needs it. And they almost never fight... until either of them is about to do something dangerous and Protection Mode is activated, in which case all bets are off.

This is all I can come up with for now. Thank you for giving me an excuse to ramble abt RG and for your patience in how long it took me to answer. And again to anyone that would like to share their headcanons, please do so!!

[1eos]

May I have some lovely book recommendations on this day <3 😁😁 I'm trying to read more this next year

you sure can!!!!! i'll list my fave reads of the past few years:

convenience store woman by sayaka murata -one of my fave books of all timeeeeee. its basically about a woman who just doesnt fit in into 'normal' society and even tho she's happy ppl feel like she shouldnt be bc she's not progressing w everyone else. if you've been the weird girl ever this book will

ring shout - p djeli clark. a historical fiction novel where the kkk are like demons and theres this organization of black hunters. its action packed but what makes it so amazing is the emotional growth of the characters :') an all time fave

the vanishing half - brit bennett. another AMAZING historical fiction book. its abt family lines....and colorism and twins and what it means to be white passing and privilege and generational trauma. it honestly has toni morrison core vibes where there's a lot of pain but thru love all is healed!

there's no such thing as an easy job by kikuko tsumura. a bit of an eclectic read. this woman takes on different jobs and they each give her grief in a new way. very relatable esp if you hate your job 😭

the vegetarian by han kang. THEE GOAT. i will recc this book until the day i DIE. and even then. its technically a horror story abt the fallout after a woman has a dream/vision and decides to stop eating meat but its sooo much deeper than that. its such a great look at how, as a woman, everything abt you is subject to critique down to what you eat

parasite eve. thee classic scifi horror the video game was inspired by! think frankenstein but there's a love story underneath. but also you question if it was love at all bc what if the mitochrondria inside of us are just manipulating everything we do? i loved it! writing style is a bit clinical but idc

my sister the serial killer by oyinkan braithwaite...i read this one in a single day it was THAT GOOD. sister is a serial killer and the fucking implications and fucked up shit that comes from lookism and family expectations and misogyny tbh. love it~

annihilation by jeff vandermeer. the first in a series but you can just read the first one. its sooooooooooooooooooo good. its a scifi book about this mysterious barrier off the coast that's slowly expanding and inside nature is reclaiming its space and most everyone that enters the barrier never returns.....another quick read bc it will have you HOOKED

yellowface by r f kuang. i don't usually enjoy satire but r f kuang really TOOK IT THERE. this is the most infuriating book you'll ever read but in the best way. this white author w an inferiority complex objectifies her friend that she secretly hates and then steals her friend's book. only thing is the friend is proudly asian and her book is abt specific cultural history so the white girl does diet yellowface and is just a massive bitch

beloved by toni morrison. how do you sum up beloved? i cannot sum up beloved. if i had to sum up beloved i would say 'love is a haunting but not every haunting is love and the only thing that can clear a haunting is love'

in the dream house by carmen maria machado. god probably the best prose i've read all year. a really beautiful but bittersweet autobiographical novel about a bisexual woman's experience with a fucked up abusive relationship and how subtle abuse can be. heavy subject matter but handled soooo beautifully.

the only good indians by stephen graham jones. WHEW. this is a horror......and this book will take you for a fucking ride i'll tell you that. its abt a group of native american men who were childhood friends and due to one mistake they're all haunted by...something that wants to get revenge on them. this book had me going 'DID THAT JUST HAPPEN?' multiple times

[sexysilverstrider]

i bring my kieran thoughts to you once more but this one involves arven. i think its *so funny* when people do a love triangle with kieran, arven, and juli because they always portray kieran as this super jealous guy and arven as a clueless sweet himbo. i dont believe that. look back at how hard arven asserts in area zero that HES your best friend and NO ONE ELSE and you have SUCH A GREAT BOND. (1/2)

personally i see both arven and kieran to be clingy and easily jealous but each have their own way of jealousy.

like arven asserts his friendship with aoi. yes. but he doesnt realize how deep his feelings are for aoi until like later/when the situation calls where aoi is talking abt romantic feelings to another person. yes hes clingy to her but clingy in a way like 'THIS IS MY BEST FRIEND. SHE IS MY BEST FRIEND. MY BESTEST FRIEND. MY BEST FRIEND. DID I REMIND YOU GUYS THAT SHE IS MY BEST FRIEND. SHES SO COOL. MY BEST FRIEND.' like man went through so much grief in his childhood that the trauma has shaped him without realizing it. aoi has always been there for and with him BUT he also sees her bond with penny and nemona and besides him calling himself aois bestest friend he thinks nothing of it.

until kieran comes into the picture

arven gets jealous. definitely. but his jealousy is. safer in a sense. he gets anxious and nervous and just the fear of losing someone dear again really can make a grown man panic. he'll realize his feelings and tries to win her before its too late.

now kieran. kieran is literally the blueprint for any yandere trope. he was obsessed with ogerpon. he then got obssessed with beating and wanting to be like aoi. we have literal dialogues about how he got aoi in the brain. aoi became the sole reason he made a 180. aoi changed him in the worst way possible.

of course flash forward to the post dlc. he definitely lets it all go (as he said) but i see it as he slooowly gets over the process. hes taking a leave of absence after all kieran baby come back so he needs to therapy time to think back and redeem himself. hes slowly reverting back to his timid sweet self but heres the shtick: only to aoi

hes gain a reputation to be ruthless and cold. while hes not that anymore people still either fear or respect or hate him. hes calm at best or indifferent at worst. but to aoi? thats when people gets to see his sweetest. and to people flirting with aoi? thats when people gets to see his worst.

he still has that obsessive tendencies. he still has possessive tendencies. kieran will definitely assert his dominance over aois attention. sometimes subtle. sometimes not. im not talking volo levels of obsession of course but hes still a cunning boy and the best part is he doesnt even realize it. he loves aoi A LOT and he will not make the same mistake that causes him to lose her or this new bond they share.

anon i hear you aois bond with arven is way stronger and meaningful but kieran doesnt know that. and even if he does he does not care. aoi was kierans first love and its love at first sight. shes everything he ever wants to be and now shes everything he ever wants

[the-bren-system]

Neurodivergent households are great when everyone's brain worms move in sync but if they're not it's difficult. BUT it's still worth it.

Rambling rambling rambling

Like... One of our housemates has a strong comorbidity between OCD and ADHD that causes her to live in a cycle of impulse and self-abuse and it took about 7 months of weekly conversations for us to convince her to get herself a bed frame. But it's taking even longer to convince her to get a rail for her clothing. (her clothes are in piles in the living room which is horribly overwhelming and causes things to get lost constantly)

And the thing is, you can't just confront someone abt self-sabotage or they'll double down on it. So we have to use more subtle methods to teach her how to allow herself basic comforts in life.

And we know enough abt her traumas to understand where it all comes from. It's difficult stuff that isn't her fault.

On one hand, it drives us insane bc her bad habits are extremely triggering. On the other, every time she makes a change for the better we feel proud of her.

Still, it's shocking how much help she needs. She's got a degree and a good job in her field, but still struggles to take care of herself. The amount of neglect that someone has to grow up with to end up like this... It actually is draining to think about.

The fact she got through University with these kinds of mental health struggles is impressive. The fact she landed a good ecologist job is impressive. I just wish she would let herself live in comfort instead of ruining her own life in small but severe ways twice a week.

Especially because it means the house is left in a state that triggers horrible emotional flashbacks in me. The last time I was living in a house that was this messy was when I was in a domestically abusive relationship, trapped in lockdown with an aspiring serial killer who used to make threats with knives and once gave me a serious ribcage injury. I don't need to be reminded of that situation 6 times a week. I don't need to feel deeply vigilant and angry every time I go downstairs to make a meal or something.

We're still focused on helping her bc being constructive is more practical. It's better in the long run to be helpful and to not get too angry. (we make an effort to manage our anger so we don't end up triggering more self-sabotaging from her, because if we act scary or whatever she will take it out on herself)

It's a delicate balance, you know, but when someone else is suffering really badly that means both of us have to adjust to each other's needs. She has to learn to stop sabotaging the household, we have to be patient in our approach so she can learn that.

We're learning to better help people who have grown up neglected, whole she's learning to understand and respect people who have been abused. We're building bridges, really, and building takes effort. She works on herself, finds more comfort with herself and also learns some perspective. We get to understand her, help her, and feel somewhat fulfilled about that.

People like me are naturally inclined to be more aloof and unserious and detached, people like her are more inclined to be self-deprecating and reckless, but we can both help each other to grow in different ways. Sometimes sitting down with her to give an emotional debrief and help her understand her own emotions and needs is enriching for us - it's an opportunity to use our analytical thinking in a helpful way and I'm glad we have the chance to help out.

I won't choose to blame her for the issues she's got; I'll sure as hell give her the advice and the tools she needs to get out of the mess she's in. I'll pass on the things I've learned the hard way so she doesn't have to learn them painfully. That's what found family means for traumatised people.

- Toby

[lemonsilly]

john crocker one chance please please (raising my hand pick me pick me i want to know more about him!!!!!)

YES YES YES HI HI HI HERES THE JOHN CROCKER DUMP!!! this is gonna be a long one bc im literally explaining his entire character, pls mind the autism

Jonathan "John" Crocker (lemonsilly ver)'s lore kind of follows the typical Alpha John structure with two critical exceptions!!

He stayed with the Crockercorp corporation

He's a bit younger here lol (I'd say 50s or maybe late 40s at the youngest, rather than the 86 y/o ver of Crocker we see in homestuck!)

To elaborate on point 1, I mean he kind of stayed tied to his mother and never really broke out of this familial tie. He's still an actor and comedian, however, he's also working under CrockerCorp (and thus, HIC). I've always imagined him being used for propaganda (and I get that HiC's rule was kinda more lowkey in HS proper but its not in my version!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! bc im insane abt the alpha guardians) and kind of seen as Hollywood's Darling.

His main reason for still sticking with Evil Troll Mom is a mix of obligation and a weird attachment to her. You know the experiment with monkeys with cloth mother and wire mother? She's John's wire mother.

Having been raised alone after Jade's escape, he grows to resent his sister (both from a combo of his own personal feelings and HIC's influence) and kind of clings to his mom like a baby koala. TLDR; big mama's boy in his late 40s-50s because trauma

Being a big time comedian and actor, John is probably the most charismatic man in Condywood (as I like to call it), next to David "Dave" Strider (more on that relationship later). He's very charming and quite silly too! In AUs where he's raising Jane (or any of the egbert/crockers for that matter, if you wanna get silly with it and include beta john), he's actually very good with her. Despite his erm .. everything! he is a doting father (which I guess is kind of OOC in terms of breath players and their massive fears of commitment, but we're already incredibly OOC for what any variation of John stands for so I kinda dont care)

His charisma is lethal, though. He doesn't use it for ill will very often! Because above all else, he's a pretty nice guy (usually). This unfortunately makes him HIC's biggest weapon in her arsenal.

This is where Dave Strider -- biggest anti-HIC fighter beside his sister, Rose Lalonde -- comes in.

Now, Dave and Rose's works are subtle. They're not too overt. This pushes them into stardom. Dave's movies are pretty pretentious, and even more pretentious if you actually pick up on the subliminal messaging. Bottom line is, HIC sends John to try to scrape as much information off of them (and possibly deal with them) as possible.

But the thing is, John kind of gets a weird fascination with Dave. Dave is kind of easy in terms of John's mission, as he's much more ... pliable ? (at least in my au JKGHHAGJK). Dave is a coked out, eccentric director who dances on the thin line of self-hatred and egocentricism. Dave is smart, don't get me wrong, and this is kind of what attracts John to Dave.

John kind of gets a desperate need to constantly one up this guy. It is always power and control to him. Once he somehow slithers into Dave's life, he holds what Dave wants just enough out of reach. Even outside of Condywood AU, I really like to portray them like this lololol. And being much more powerful than Dave, it is so easy to get one over him, even in the most subtle of ways. This need also stems from Dave also being able to get one over him (because Dave is smart). And Dave (rags to riches, new director) is a little guy -- in terms of society -- compared to John (born into wealth, famed comedian and actor). It's kind of a threat to John's ego, so he's kind of obsessed with catching Dave before he does anything.

Ok it's like 1 am and I've had a bit to drink and I need to wake up for work tomorrow SO I WILL END IT HERE but ohhhh i lvoe you john crocker. imagine that heart locket gif animation but with him

i imagine his voice to sound like Ian Bruce (The Correspondents) or Shayfer Jaymes... if this means anything ... i listen to Puppet Loosely Strung by The Correspondents and im like OMFG ITS HIM!!! (abt his feelings toward dave, bc he also kind of has this jealousy of how free dave is compared to him LOL)