#and it’s making me so sad and mad and ughhhhhhhh

[rosicheeks]

Rosiii I need an update please, how are you doing?

You’re so sweet 🥺

[theshotsheardacrossworlds]

By Your Side

Okay so this was *supposed* to be a funny "Agi gets high and is silly with Astarion" fic but it turned out a little bit more serious with added Whatever the Fuck Sorcery Agi does lol. Mostly SFW.

“How are you doing, darling?” Astarion cooed at his well, we’re not lovers in the traditional sense perhaps…companion? Yes, my companion! He looked at Agnetha with such fondness that if he saw it in anyone else, he’d scoff. But not with her and I. No, I am that fond of her. I love her so dearly.

After taking up Halsin on his offer to give her herbs to help her relax (my poor sweet deals with so much) and smoking them, she was currently staring at Astarion, her brown eyes wide but definitely glazed over. “I am fine and dandy, love. Everything is so nice, you know?”

“It is, sweetness, especially with you.” One of his pale hands tapped her thighs, and he smiled. She’s so soft and warm. Perfect. I always need to touch her…

“Ughhhhhhhh, you silly bitch, you don’t have to use your lines on me anymore. You got me!”

Did she just…?!? He laughed, squeezing her softness. “I’m a what, darling?”

She snorted. “Silly bitch. Because you are. But it’s okay obviously!!!” Good gods, she’s giving those puppy dog eyes. “Because I love you.” He opened his mouth to speak, but she placed a finger on his lips. “I know you won’t say it to me. I know. It’s okay. I know you will someday.”

“I…” He struggled to find the words, any word, to express both the relief of her reassurance and sadness. She deserves someone better than me. Someone who will tell her every moment of every day for the rest of her life that she is loved. Someone who will make love to her whenever she wishes. For as long as she desires. Someone who isn’t me. “You know I do, right? You know how I feel?” Wait, she’s high as fuck and I’m asking her about knowing how much I love her? Idiot.

Agnetha nodded, smiling happily. “’Course I do. You say it all the time without actually saying it.” She thought for a moment and then grinned. “Like when you always watch my ass in fights.” I won’t lie I do in fact do that, but I believe she meant watching her back. “You make sure I’m okay. You never let anything near me.” Not if I can help it, no. I will slaughter anyone who tries to hurt you. “You’re always trying to touch me in some way. Don’t think I don’t notice!” She just tapped her finger on her nose. Now she’s giggling like a mad woman. Agnetha undid her ponytail and twirled a few of her long, red curls between her fingers. “You brush my hair every day. You love to bathe with me. You patch up my clothes and even…you know…” Let them out as much as I’m able. We never find anything that truly fits her, poor dear. If we manage to kill Cazador, I’ll make her whatever she wants. Everything she wants. “Help me with them…I know you love me. It’s in everything you do for me. Though,” her gaze returned to his. “There is something I need to know, okay? Just one thing.”

“A-alright. What is it?” Every muscle in his body tensed, afraid of what she was going to ask.

“Will you be there when I’m old? I could understand if that’s not what you want—oh!”

Always. He hugged so hard and so quickly that she toppled backwards, her head hitting a pillow. “I will be by your side for as long as you’ll have me. I promise.” Resting his head on her ample chest, he felt her rubbing his hair.

She let out an adorable little gasp. “Forever then, Star?”

Always. “If that’s what you want, darling, then yes. Forever it is.” It won’t be forever though. She’s a human---her life will end in the blink of an eye. She’ll be gone, and I’ll be alone…alone…all alone… Blinking back tears, he nearly began to sob when she began to rub his back.

“It’s okay. I’ll think of something. I will. Just you wait and see, love…” She whispered softly, rocking them both gently. “It’s okay. I’ll do some magic shit and make it alright.”

He shook his head, a small laugh escaping him. Oh my darling girl, not everything can be solved with you thinking very hard and making magic happen. Though if anyone can, it’s you. “Will you now?”

“Yep.”

Well, that’s definitive.

***

Ten years after their marriage, Astarion was astounded to learn that his wife did indeed “do some magic shit” to make eternity less painful for him. With spells she composed herself (using that beautiful tempest swirling inside her and…feelings, I suppose), she managed to accomplish three things: 1) that her body would remain the same with every reincarnation; 2) that she and Astarion were soul bound to each other; and 3) that they would find each other after her twenty-first nameday. “Because of the binding, we’ll be drawn to each other, seek the other out.” She took one of his hands in hers, her brown eyes full of joy. “You won’t wait too long, love.”

He leaned to her, a hand cupping her cheek. As his lips touched hers (perfect every time), he smiled. “And how will you know that I’m your husband?”

Agnetha chuckled softly. “Just trust me that I’ll know. It’s all up here,” she tapped her head. “And here.” She then tapped her chest over her heart. “After all, I haven’t failed you yet, my naughty little bat.”

Astarion kissed her again, this time with a little more passion, hands sneaking around her much thicker and more delicious waist. “The most popular tailor shop in Baldur’s Gate and seven children. I’d say you haven’t failed me yet, no.” He teased. His fangs scraped lightly over her lips, which never fails to turn her on. “Not that you could anyways, dear.”

She wrinkled her nose and giggled. “Flatterer.” The human placed an affectionate kiss on his nose and cupped his face. “Now we’ll be together forever. Just not in the way that either of us imagined.”

He knew what she meant. The ritual. I had it all planned, you see. I’d complete the ritual, become the Vampire Ascendant, and convince Agi to let me make her into a vampire spawn. There---problem solved. What a fool I was! I would not trade our lives together and the lives we created for anything. “But it is so delightfully us, isn’t it? Full of love and adoration and only slightly mad.”

“Only slightly.” She teased, pressing several kisses to his lips. Gods, I cannot get enough of her. Not now. Not ever. “My mad husband who wants a dozen little dhampirs…”

Two at play at this game, madam. He clicked his tongue as one of the hands on her waist squeezed. “My equally mad wife who wants a dozen little dhampirs and lets me spoil her rotten—”

“Daddy? Mummy?”

Someone didn’t lock the door, Agi.

With one last peck, Agnetha looked at the toddler in their doorway. Pale ginger curls framed the boy’s round face, and ruby eyes glanced between his parents. “What’s the matter, my little love?” She beckoned him over, and he scurried to his mother and soon settled in her arms. “Did you have a bad dream?”

He nodded. “Scary…”

“My poor little Sylven! You can stay with us tonight, darling.” Astarion cooed as he ruffled his son’s hair. The toddler snuggled against his mother, a sight that before his capture by the mindflayers would have disgusted him. But not anymore. Not when I have them. Emilia, Ariane, Sophie, Nessa, Helene, Thora, and Sylven.

And my darling girl.

Before long, the small boy fell asleep cuddled against his mother while his adoring father rubbed circles into his back. “Did I tell what happened earlier?”

He rolled his eyes. “Sweetness, that could be anything.”

She stuck her tongue out. “Fine. Anyways, I asked Sylven when he was playing with the blocks what he wanted to be when he grew up.”

“The suspense is killing me, dear.” Astarion deadpanned, kissing Sylven’s curls.

The look in her eyes turned dreamy. “Daddy. He said Daddy. He wants to be you, love. That was the sweetest damn thing.” She turned her head to face him. “And you thought he wouldn’t love you.” His wife teased, capturing his lips in a gentle kiss.

The second we saw that he was a boy I panicked. With the girls it’s so easy for me. I make them the prettiest outfits in Baldur’s Gate, make matching ones for their favorite dolls…have so many tea parties where we gossip like spinster aunts. But a boy. The girls are learning archery so he can too, I suppose. What was I to do with him? I was terrified. And as always, my infinitely wiser wife was correct: “Just go with the flow and listen to him.” Going with the flow has turned out to be excellent advice because he is glued to me, especially when we’re in the shop. He wants to watch me work and pretend he’s sewing too. My little boy wants to be…me. Me. Swallowing the lump in his throat, he nodded before giving her another kiss. “Happy to be proven wrong, darling.”

“I see! Well, I’ll note that for future reference.” She noted rather too smugly. Has she been learning this from me? Because I’m so flattered, dearest. For the next several minutes, they settled in a comfortable if exceedingly sleepy silence. Agnetha’s breathing became slower and deeper, and her eyes fluttered open and closed.

“Silly goose. Go to sleep.” Astarion chided his wife gently, now laying on his side. Rest. You need rest. Between the children, the shop, and ensuring I’m fed every day, you need to rest, darling. “Don’t stay awake for me. I’ll trance in a while.”

A small smile tugged on her pretty lips. “Forever…it isn’t what either of us thought but…we’ll be together…forever…” Eyes full of sleep, she held Sylven closer to her. “Love you, my shining star…”

“As I love you, my darling girl. Have the sweetest dreams for us…”

Always.

Forever.

[angelicmemo]

why can’t anything go right for ONCE

[cheshirekitty]

Balladeer angst?!

authors note: I’ve never actually wrote a good angst so my apologies if this sounds a bit WONKY… not proof read :\ this is gender neutral!!!

sum: modern day au of Scaramouche breaking out into an angry fit at the reader (his lover!!)

warnings: inflicting harm? And cursing. I think that’s it!!

You walked into Scara’s office. As the strong smell of rich mens cologne washes over your face, you looked for the man. He was searching for a book from his bookshelf… you smiled, you’ve missed him so much! You guys barely had time to spend with each other after you got a new job. “Hey, Scara!!” you tried to tackle him from behind, but received no reaction. It wasn’t new, he almost never reacts. He grabs the book he needed and walked back to his chair. You held onto his sleeve as and followed him like a lost puppy. “Scaraaa—“ you whined. You start to circle around his desk to annoy him, but stopped after just awhile. ‘He didn’t even give me a glance, jeez’. You were starting to get a bit upset just because he was paying you no attention even when the two of you are dating, even when you gave him everything you could. ‘I’m supposed to be used to this by now…so why does it make me feel worse and worse every time?’ you asked yourself. “ughhhhhhhh..” a groan escaped your lips as you sat on the side of his desk. ‘I don’t want to be annoying but that’s the only way to get his attention at this rate.’ You let out a huff, and finally he sends you a look. “what” he stated rather than asking. “Do you wanna go out and eat??? OH or maybe watch a movie?” You asked as you started poking at him. “Can’t” “I’m busy” he said as he proceeded to type on his computer. “Pleaseeee? You canceled on our past four dates scara.” You say hopping off his table. His typing stops. “And? I have a job, y/n. and you’ve got one too. How about you worry about that?” he glared. ‘Ouch.’ Was all you could think. You’ve asked him so many times to hang out with you but he’ll always cancel or reject you. “Can’t today” “I had to go to work on late notice” “Don’t feel like it” was all he ever used as an excuse. He never even tried to explain himself anymore, or even tried to let you know before you got all ready for him. You smiled and reached your hand out to tackle him again “Cmonnnn! Scara plea-“

a harsh sting spread all over your arm. It felt like thousands of needles dug into you. And for the first time, fear was the only thing that you felt when looking at him. It felt as though you couldn’t register anything anymore. Looking down, you saw that your arm had turned purple almost immediately. Eyes, watery from the stinging. Your wrist was almost completely numb. He turns around to you right away, his eyes filled with regret and shock. “Oh my god— y/n I’m so sorry— I didn’t mean to, I swear I’m sorry” he stood up quickly to comfort you, but you just couldn’t look at him the same anymore. You couldn’t control the waterfall coming out of your eyes or your shaking. You backed away as he stepped closer. Realizing his own lover had stepped away from his comfort, he freezes. What did he do this time? How could he even treat you like that? Why? He didn’t want to believe the ways he’s been hurting you. “Y/n I’m so sorry, please don’t cry…I’m so—“ he said reaching his hand out, but it was too late. You’d already started running out of the office. “Shit shit shit shit” he said looking down as his palm. He’d lost you didn’t he? You’re the only thing he’s had his entire life.

When he was mad? You calmed him. When he was sad? You comforted him. “When he was lonely? You kept him company. When he wanted something? You gave it. He was sick? YOU cared for him. It was all you. In his ruin filled world, everything always revolved around you. And even if he didn’t show it, he loved you more than anything the world could give.

‘shit.’ he was running after you but couldn’t find you anywhere he looked. Not in the bedroom you two shared, not in the kitchen, nor the lounge room. shit. he sweared on and on. He ran to the bathroom door. “Y/n? Y/n please. I’m sorry. Can you let me in?” He said with his entire heart. He’d do anything for you to not be scared of him. To not see him like everybody else did. To forgive him again. For the last time. He just wanted you. The door opened slowly as he rushed to embrace you. His face in your neck, and his arms around your shoulders. “Y/n….fuck. I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.” he kept on rambling I’m sorries. You pushed him back to the front of your face. Your eyes swollen and red. “It’s….fin…fine” you whispered. even if your voice was shaky, you still spoke. And to be honest, you couldn’t see the Scaramouche that you knew anymore. You placed your hand on his face to wipe away his tears. His eyes widened in disbelief, your arm completely bruised blue and purple. He pulled you into his arms and into his chest. “‘m so sorry…it’s not fine. fuck.” He said with his hand caressing your head. Hiccups left your mouth as you cried.

“S…scara?” you hiccuped. “Yes, y/n?..” the boy answered right away, in the softest tone he’d ever used. His face full of worry. “I—“ “I need a break from us.”

[inevitably-johnlocked]

Something that really makes me mad is how they threw donovan away without any sort of explanation or rendition for her. She was the only woman of color with a role of some importance in the cast and she was there only to be remembered as the one who called sherlock a freak and contributed to the fall. God, even anderson got some kind of rendition as a sherlock obsessed satire of us.

UGHHHHHHHH!!!! NONNY ME TOO!!!

Listen, I LOVE Donovan... I know the actress had other obligations when S3 was filming which is why she made only a cameo, but like... I would’ve loved seeing her and Sherlock talk after his return and make amends, like he did with Anderson. Sally is such a badass and I like her a lot. Makes me so sad and mad that in the end, we didn’t even find out why there was so much animosity. :(

[tellywoodtrash]

ishqbaaz 06.06.17 lb

plain text version here.

what BS mission is shivaay putting khanna on NOW? 🤔🤔🤔

whatever it is, let me tell you now itself shivaay: he fucked it up. and you have to go fix it. 😒😒😒

ooh. wifey is an affectionate sort of mood? 😚😚😚

aw man, she wants to make sure she gets every possible second she can with him. 😥😥😥

fucking hell, i'm beginning to tear up already. 😭😭😭

"main aap ko bohut miss karoongi."

that sound you just heard is my fucking heartttttt breakingggg. 💔💔💔

lollll billu is still salty about last night. 😆😆😆

"par baat toh bani nahi." 

you only have yourself to blame. you were waaaaay too OTT. should have kept the seduction low key. 🙄🙄🙄

"aur tum ho jo us track pe aati hi nahi ho. aao na!"

omfggggggg, this adorable motherfuckerrrrr. 😚😚😚

AWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW. 😊😊😊

lmaooooo, him having to hold her from falling over! such cute! 😂😂😂

girl, cheek kiss se hi yeh haal hai tumhara, how are you not IN A FUCKING COMA from what he did to you yesterday???? 

note to shivaay: you gotta take things WAAAAAAY SLOWER than you’re planning. 😐😐😐

ouff. him and this cheesy first night nonsense. dude, can you just approach it in an organic and natural way, instead of... BUILDING IT UP AND MAKING IT A BIG EVENTTTT like this? 🙄🙄🙄

does she even realise she's nodding “yes” tension mein aake??? ��😗😗

THE WINKKKKKKK! haaaaye. 😍😍😍

ouff. lo aa gayi mummeh. she truly is a demontor; just her presence sucks out all joy and colour from the scene. 💀💀💀

*eating all the chocolate to offset pinky ka effect* 

awwwww, baby girllllll. *holds her, and feeds her all the chocolate too* 🍫🍫🍫

the wardrobe is so randomlyyyy arranged? why is that random hot pink kurta he wore once aaaaaages ago smack in the middle of all his suits? 😕😕😕

awwww man, i'm fucking dying seeing my girl like this. i can't handle her sadnessssss. if i'm already a wreck at this point, how am i going to tolerate watching when things get even worse??? 😪😪😪

ok fwding. i can't handle this much sadness, of her having a memory associated with each outfit of his. 😭😭😭

ok what kinda crazy ass brain does anika have that she remembers WHAT WATCH SHIVAAY was wearing on a particular day 3 months ago, while she can’t do basic fucking math? 😕😕😕

asks the person who knows the lyrics to nearly every bollywood song since the 60s, but can’t remember where she put the car keys. every. single. morning. 😶😶😶

OMG, IS SHE BRINGING BACK TIA TODAYYYY???? IS THAT WHO EVERYONE WAS SHOCKED TO SEE IN THE PRECAP???? OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG!!!!!!!!! 🎉🎉🎉

ok wth is with kameeni's hair???? it looks like a bad combover. 😬😬😬

daaaaayummm, kameeni be rubbing salt in pinky's wounds. i'd feel bad but... naaaah. keep on keeping on, kameeni! 😈😈😈

ooooooooooh, battle of the "MAA"s. 😬😬😬

both of them suck, so i really don't care who wins. aapas mein lad maro, dono. just leave my boys alone to live in peace. 😌😌😌

is it wise to be threatening an ally like this, pinky??? 😬😬😬

why is prinku so reluctant to gift anika whatever? 🤔🤔🤔

also lorddddd, the outfits. i fucking can't. the only person who looks like they haven't gone insane is the most insane one here - pinky. 😒😒😒

ok i just randomly paused and now i can't stop loling at this random servant's disgruntled face. 😂😂😂😂😂😂

ughhhhhhhh pinkyyyyy. you and your BS drama. 😑😑😑

also, where's gauri???? the whole point of these rasms are so gauri got to do them??? 🤔🤔🤔

ouffff, this fucking camo outfit. i s2g want to just fucking rip it off him and set it on fucking fire. 😡😡😡🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥

aur baal toh dekho, looks like he stuck his finger in a damn electric socket. 😒😒😒

ugh, he went to get ranveer didn't he? 😑😑😑

bitch, that's what you said about ANIKA too. and now look. the poor thing is weeping in every corner of the house every 5 minutes. 😪😪😪

lmao not only did he go to get ranveer, he also made sure that he got him an outfit to match the theme. 😂😂😂

the theme in case you were wondering: WE ARE ALL FUCKING CRAZY AND LIKE TO LOOK UGLY AS FUCK FOR FUN. 😣😣😣

ugh shivaaaaaaaaaaaaay. god you're soooo fucking stuuuuuuupid. 😫😫😫

i never thought this day would come, but i'm #teamShakti. 😖😖😖

yes, that's a pig flying outside your window. 😐😐😐

OH MY GODDDDDDDDDD SHIVAAAAAY, YOU'RE SO FUCKING STUPIDDDDD. HE DIDN'T TAKE IT BECAUSE 20 CRORE ARE NOTHINGGGGGG COMPARED TO THE AMOUNT THEY'RE EYEING. THEY ALREADY HAVE 10 CRORE FROM THE FUCKING KANGAN ALONE. YOU THINK THEY GONNA BE HAPPY WITH THE AMOUNT OF 2 SETS OF BANGLES IN THIS FUCKING HOUSE, WHEN THEY KNOW YOU HAVE 6000 TIMES THAT??? 😡😡😡

ouffff, aiiiwaiiiii ka time wasteeeee. no one gives A FUCKKKKK about ranveer, whether he's changedddd or nottttttt. god. 😤😤😤

where the fuck is my tia baby? now that i know she's coming back, meriiii aankhein bas usssi ko dhoond rahi hai! 😯😯😯

... well, everyone was certainly superrrrrrr easy to impress. thus proving stupidity is caused by something in the oberoi water supply. 😒😒😒

mauka, my ass. dena chahiye isko, toh teen chaar aur laaafe. where the fuck is my boy omkara, to punch this fucker again? 😤😤😤

oh hi there, subha's body mic. 🙈🙈🙈

UGHHHHHHHHHH THIS EPISODE IS SUCH A FUCKING TIME WASTE. I COULD HAVE GONE OUT AND GOTTEN IN MY ONCE MONTHLY RUN IN THIS TIME. 🏃🏽🏃🏽🏃🏽

yes, exercise, the thing i hate the most, would have been a more worthwhile expenditure of my time than this useless episode. 😒😒😒

ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhh boy. beeba munda is hellbenttttt on showing mummeh how much he loves his wife, and is just making things worse. 😬😬😬

i hope you remember these platitudes you're spouting about marriage two days from now, when shit hits the fan. 🙄🙄🙄

great, ab toh shaktiji bhi anika-bhajan mein jut gaye. mummeh ka paara aisa chadhne waala hai ki... 😔😔😔

i know it's totally foolish of me, but i'm hoping at least shakti can/will do something to help anika????? 🤔🤔🤔

btw, wasn't shakti on the hunt for kamini???? what happened to that track??? or does he not care that she tried to murder shivaay anymore???? 😕😕😕

OMG OMG OMG TIAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA BABYYYYYYY!!!!!!!! 😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍

(is tia baby's baby ok? she's not "showing" even a little??? 🤔🤔🤔)

YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAASSSSSS!!!!!!!! MY GIRLSSSSS ARE TEAAAAMINGGG UPPPPPPPP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! BHAGWAAAN NE MERIIIIIIIII SUNNNNNN LIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII!!!!!!!!!!!!! 😭😭😭😭😭😭

unfortunately, it’s just gonna blow up in anika’s face. she’s barking up the wrong tree, and going to prove that om is the naajayaaz one in her desperation, and shivaay’s gonna get muyyyyy mad. 😬😬😬😔😔😔

[youremyonlyhope]

The Eleventh Hour

Finally onto Matt Smith’s Eleventh Doctor. It only took 5 years.

I vaguely remember when Matt premiered... wait, let me see when it was actually first aired... April 3rd 2010. I was in 8th grade. I remember a girl I knew saying that the new Doctor looked like a guy in our class. I did not agree. Aaannnddd that’s all I remember about the first time this episode aired. I think I was in the room when my mom watched it, but I did not pay attention. Or maybe I did. We’ll see if I get deja vu.

Aww he’s hanging from the TARDIS. Like in The Day of the Doctor. Awwww. Ok. I’m excited for Matt’s run if only for 2013. Once again, Amazon freezes within the first minute. Is this some glitch? It always happens to me. And if I skip a few seconds it’s fine. Every time. New opening sequence. Cue a billion fans raging. So is this Amy’s theme? Or is it just the sad song theme of this season?  “Please, please send someone to fix it. Or a policeman.” The Doctor is both. Ok. Now it seems that it’s my internet that’s making everything freeze. Ugh.

I paused for like 10 minutes to let it load. Looked up some crochet patterns. Settled on a pattern. Pressed play. And got to watch 1 minute before it froze again. Ughhhhhhhh.

I give up for now. I’ll try again tomorrow

OK IT’S TOMORROW

Matt honestly looks 5 years old. Me with apples. I watched that entire food sequence with the biggest smile on my face. I forgot how adorable that scene is. “I’ll keep it for later” Ok literally, I was like “OH MY GOD. It turns into an I O U later on!!!... Wait no that’s Sherlock.” and then I laughed at myself. It’s my fault for watching Sherlock around the same time I first watched Doctor Who. Also, that’s foreshadowing since I’m 99% sure it does come back I just can’t remember how. Wait. No. I just remembered it comes back later in this episode. That’s not as fun. “Everything’s going to be fine.” Well at least the Doctor’s honest when he’s lying. For a second I was like “Isn’t this episode called the Girl Who Waited?” but then I paused to check the name and before even checking I was like “No Hope you idiot it’s the Eleventh Hour.” OOOohhhhh showing the clock. Misleading us. I see you. Wacking him in the head with a cricket bat was the right call, Amy. And acting like she has backup coming. Wow. Good job. I’m impressed. Oh Rory. “Why does nobody ever listen to me?” I forgot it was in sticky stuff... “I don’t know. Getting dressed.” He’s right though, it’s changing. Yep the teeth freaked me out the first time. “What?” “Come on.” “What?” “COME ON.” “WHAT!?” Oooohhhhh... I forgot that the human residence was the entire Earth... ok. That little confused spin was adorable. “I’m the Doctor, I’m worse than everybody’s aunt.” Now that’s a quote. My baby Sir Percival! Oh, I need to finish Merlin. But I don’t want to. Also, I love Sir Percival so much. Seeing Tom Hopper makes me happy. This little town may not have much but it’s adorable. “Then I grew up.” “Oh, you never want to do that.” Oh that’s for sure.

This is such a good shot. The Doctor analyzing everything he’s seeing. Must have taken FOREVER. Also, Rory was born in 1990. Did not notice that before. But mathematically, it makes sense. Yep, there’s the apple. See, what I had hoped would happen would be it coming back through the crack in a future episode, but then I remembered that all it does is come back as proof of time travel. Oh that poor lady on the scooter though. “Not him, the good looking one.” “Thanks.” “Jeff.” “Ooooh thanks.” Awww. I love Rory though.  “Oh, and delete your internet history.” A lesson that Twelve would forget about. Driving a firetruck through a hospital... literally the most chaotic thing the Doctor has ever done. “The universe will crack. The Pandorica will open. Silence will fall.” Starting the ongoing arch now. “Who da man? .... Oh I’m never saying that again. Fine.” Awww. I FORGOT ABOUT THE AMY THING. Prisoner Zero’s smart though to save Amy’s form for a rainy day. OOOOOH THE FORM WAS THE DOCTOR. OOOH. EVEN SMARTER. OOOOHHHHH I FORGOT ABOUT THAT. “Is that what I look like?” “You don’t know?” “Busy day.” OH BOTH OF THEIR FORMS. OK. Wait, Amy’s updo is way too intricate to have been done in like a minute. It looks like it needs a lot of pins. “Did he just save the world from aliens and then just bring all the aliens back again?!” Oh Rory. Aww the little spin. Does Eleven always spin? Did I never notice this? Nearly forgot that the Doctor literally stole his clothes. Oh I almost wish he had picked that bright red corduroy jacket that Rory’s holding.

I love that scene. Showing all the Doctors. Especially my baby Nine, my heart. “I’m the Doctor. Basically... run.” Love it. He tells his companions to run with him, he tells his enemies to run away.

Oh wow, in the shot of the ship flying away, he was already reaching for the TARDIS key a little early. “Oh you sexy thing” I forgot how much Eleven flirts with his TARDIS. That shot of young Amelia gets reused at least once more, right? “And the swimming pool was in the library.” “Yeah. Not sure where it’s gotten to now. It’ll turn up.” Love it. HE LEARNED TO SNAP OPEN THE TARDIS FROM RIVER. ALREADY FORESHADOWING THAT SHE’LL TURN UP. “So, all of time and space, everything that happened or ever will... where do you wanna start?” I love that line. “Thanks, dear.” I do enjoy how much Eleven loves his TARDIS. Thirteen’s like that too. Also, I’m kind of glad that I can compare him to Thirteen as I watch. If I had actually kept up with this rewatch and gotten to him in like 2014 then I’d not be able to compare him to anyone but maybe Twelve if it was the end of 2014. “Just that. Promise.” Doctor, stop having ulterior motives. “I am definitely a madman with a box.” Aaanddd that’s the line that started it.

As I watched this episode, I was thinking that maybe I had seen the entire episode when it aired... but I couldn’t really remember. Once I got to the end, I knew I definitely had since I remember the wedding dress and being like “...MOM WAS SHE GETTING MARRIED?!?!?!?!” as if my mom would know more than me after watching the same episode I did.

I’m mad at that Coming Soon preview that played. Oh my god. It spoiled EVERYTHING. At first I was thinking I should pause to write “I hate that they showed River’s face in the preview, eagle eyed fans would spot that” BUT THEN IT GOT WORSE. IT SHOWED RIVER SAYING LINES. IT SHOWED THE CYBERMAN HEAD. IT SHOWED THE WEEPING ANGELS. THE DALEKS. BILL NIGHY. Why did they give away EVERYTHING about this season in the preview?!??!?!?!?!?!

Remind me to start telling newer fans to skip the previews either all the time or at the very least at the start of each season. Ugh.

Ok. So. I really loved this episode. It’s great. I’d forgotten a lot. I enjoyed it a lot. I even enjoyed Amy, and she’s my least favorite companion. I’m half doing this to give her a second chance. I can’t really remember exactly what it is about her that my 16-year-old self did not like, maybe how she treated Rory? I don’t know. I’ll either find out because it will still annoy me, or never figure out what I hated because now I’ll love her. We’ll see. I love Rory though.

I remember one of the counselors at my high school said to me “You know. I never thought I’d ever like a male companion more than I loved Mickey. Until Rory came around.” and I was like THOSE ARE MY EXACT FEELINGS. I thought no one could top Mickey in my heart, but Rory is up there.

Also, I realized that since I started Doctor Who during Eleven’s time (2012), I think a lot of Eleven’s sayings stuck with me since that’s what the fandom would reference during that time. Like Madman in a Box. That seems so iconically Doctor to me, but didn’t become a thing until Eleven. Yet I guess because I already knew that line, it’s just stuck with me the entire time I’ve been a fan.

Let’s get back into doing a continuity tracking section in these posts since I haven’t done that since I finished Season 4 (which was 4 almost 5 years ago).

Continuity: Crack in the wall/time/universe The Pandorica will open Silence will fall (X2) “The Girl Who Waited” Sexy TARDIS Swimming pool comes in handy SNAPPING OPEN THE TARDIS FORESHADOWS RIVER Hanging from the TARDIS like Day of the Doctor (bit of a stretch, just let me have this)

And just for fun, since I want to see if it’s actually a thing, let’s count the number of time Eleven spins around: 2

ALSO. Guys. These episodes don’t have as much emotional baggage as Ten’s specials, so I feel like I could just move on to the next episode immediately. I don’t need to give myself time to recover. Yay!

[deadcactuswalking]

REVIEWING THE CHARTS: 21st October 2018

Ughhhhhhhh

Okay so we have an episode of REVIEWING THE CHARTS. All this week I’ve not been in either the right physical state or mental state (and I’m probably still not in either of those) to do basically anything and I’ve felt like keeping up with this is a chore. It’s late as all hell, but here is a shorter – and probably crappier-written – episode of RTC. There’s going to be a Halloween special on a Charlie Brown special sometime near Halloween so check that out but let’s just stop wasting time.

Top 10

To my nonexistent surprise, “Promises” by Calvin Harris and Sam Smith replaces last week’s debut and returns to the number-one spot for what I believe is its seventh week.

“Funky Friday” by Dave and Fredo, however, has not moved as much as I thought it would have, dropping only one space down to the runner-up spot.

“Happier” by Marshmello and Bastille, however, is not moving at all at number-three.

“Shallow” by Lady Gaga and Bradley Cooper moves up two spaces to the top five at number-four.

There’s a debut at number-five – yep, that’s “Woman Like Me” by Little Mix featuring Nicki Minaj, the lead single from their upcoming fifth album, also the first time their lead single hasn’t gone to #1 initially in a while.

“Let You Love Me” by Rita Ora, meanwhile, is down a position to number-six.

The meme seems to be wearing off at number-seven, fortunately, where “I Love It” by Kanye West and Lil Pump featuring Adele Givens is down three spots, although it may rebound soon due to either YANDHI or Harverd Dropout, whenever the hell they’re dropping that is.

“In My Mind” by Dynoro and Gigi D’Agostino is down a spot to number-eight.

As is “Electricity” by Silk City and Dua Lipa at number-nine.

Finishing off the consecutive trio of one-downers is “All I Am” by Jess Glynne at number-ten.

Climbers

There aren’t many, but they’re bigger than I expected, actually. “Always Remember Us this Way” by Lady Gaga is up eight spots to #31 – I think this may be because of a video? That’s also probably why “Girls Like You” by Maroon 5 featuring Cardi B is up six to #25, after God knows how many weeks. “Taki Taki” by DJ Snake, Ozuna, Cardi B and Selena Gomez, the Godawful trash volcano that it is, is up 12 spots to #21. Meanwhile, “No Stylist” by French Montana featuring Drake inexplicably has a 10-space boost into the top 20 at #19. Guess the Drake verse is all you need these days.

Fallers

Fallers, on the other hand? Oh, trust me, we had plenty. Let’s start with pop and dance:

“Eastside” by benny blanco, Halsey and Khalid is down five to #16, “breathin” by Ariana Grande is down eight to #26, “Thunderclouds” by LSD (Labrinth, Sia and Diplo) is down 12 spots to #29, right next to “Body” by Loud Luxury and brando down 11 to #30.

We had a pretty sizeable handful of rock or rock-adjacent hits getting hurt too, like “High Hopes” by Panic! at the Disco is down five to #18, “Shotgun” by George Ezra is shot down six spots to #20 and “Falling Down” by Lil Peep and XXXTENTACION is doing just that to #33.

Hip-hop and R&B suffered too: “Venom” by Eminem is down seven to #23, “Best Life” by Hardy Caprio and One Acen is down five to #35, right next to “Drip Too Hard” by Lil Baby and Gunna down eight to #36, as well as “Lucky You” by Eminem featuring Joyner Lucas down 14 to #37, and “Taste” by Tyga and Offset down 13 to #38.

Dropouts

We didn’t have any returning entries this week, and I don’t know if we had any dropouts either, to be honest, because the website that I can quickly extract that info from has yet to update in weeks. I can tell for a definite “KILLSHOT” by Eminem is gone but otherwise I’d just be guessing or checking other websites and examining the info and I don’t want to do that, I have some common sense, and I don’t want this episode to be out any later. New arrivals.

NEW ARRIVALS

#40 – “Advice” – Cadet and Deno Driz

For our weekly dose of tropical faux-dancehall faux-grime, we have a dude who sounds like a mixture of Swae Lee, Sean Kingston and MC Smally, and his more aggressive friend and/or dodgy uncle who relies on ad-libs to finish his rhyme scheme. Honestly, despite the nonsensical premise of roadman Sean Kingston and his uncle talking about girls they get on Instagram, I kind of like this actually. I love how they trade bars in the pre-chorus, and they’re giving each other advice about picking up women, kind of like “Without Me” by Shaggy and RikRok but British, if that makes sense. The steel pans and cheap synths can’t back up the admittedly pretty fun content and energetic flows from both Cadet and Deno Driz (no, I don’t know which one is which and I don’t care), however, and it ends incredibly abruptly. If these guys got better production, I can see myself enjoying them in the future. For now, well... Cal Chuchesta and Rob Scallon did it better. Just saying.

#24 – “Thursday” – Jess Glynne

So this is the break-out track from Jess Glynne’s sophomore effort, Always in Between, and what I imagine she’s pushing as the next single due to its success. I figured it would be a dance track like Glynne does best, but no, the label seems to be pushing a strong almost ballad-type song, with an incessant acoustic guitar riff that just continues in a building up of airy, foamy synths, until after the first chorus, we get a cheap-sounding but effectively nonexistent instrumental; yes, I complain about production being so bland it’s basically not there, but here, it works, putting more emphasis on Jess Glynne’s powerful vocals here. They’re not fantastic or even pushing her voice to any limits as such, but they feel raw, fitting in with the desperate lyrics, with the chorus reading “I just want to feel beautiful”. Yes, it’s kind of cheesy, yes, it’s kind of “Fight Song” by Rachel Platten (that should always be your go-to adjective for this type of song), but you know what, it just clicks. I don’t appreciate the “oh, oh, oh” repetition in the hook because it feels unnatural despite all of what I just said, so that kind of disappoints me, but if there were any empty spaces for the instrumental here, this wouldn’t exactly feel like a song. It’s on very thin ice and I feel like with just one more touch, this could easily be made either awful or awesome, but for what it is as it was released, it’s pretty good. Maybe I should check out that album after all, I mean, I heard “These Days” is on it and I loved that.

#13 – “MIA” – Bad Bunny featuring Drake

A Drake debut not in the top 10? Preposterous.

Okay, when I first saw this song, I figured it meant MIA as in a member of the armed services, because Drake likes to make up this little “gangsta” persona for himself. Then I saw “MIA” and thought maybe Bad Bunny and Drake were going to compare their girl to an independent, strong, not afraid to experiment (I figured Bad Bunny wasn’t above making Katy Perry references, I guess) and incredible woman and artist, M.I.A., the rapper we all know for “Paper Planes”... although, then I looked into it, “Mia” is a female first-name, right? Is Bad Bunny seriously just name-dropping his real-life girlfriend or ex in the song? No, well, “mia” means “my” in Italian, so it’s just about “everyone wants my girl, but she’s my girl, so step off, fellas”. Maybe I thought too much into the title but damn, it has so many possible meanings, and hell it could mean all of those things but I highly doubt Bugs and Daffy put that much thought into it. This whole title ramble is me trying to covering up how I have nothing to say about the song other than I think I actually really like it. It has a pretty nice groove, albeit almost completely drowned-out by the watery synths (which, yes, I like to). Bad Bunny’s voice has always appealed to me, especially his little “I’m a dog who just went out in the rain and I’m washing it off by just spreading it and flapping my fur” ad-lib. You know the one, the “bgdrrrhr!” Mostly, however, they’re gone, instead he has a really sweet high-pitched vocal harmonising with him and Drake, who sounds beautiful on the hook, by the way. Yeah, didn’t expect to like this one, but maybe I should check out more Bad Bunny. His song “Amorfoda” is one I dig too, check it out, I’ll be talking about it on my worst list as almost a comparison piece for what my #1 did wrong, hopefully that doesn’t spoil my incredibly predictable choice or anything.

#11 – “ZEZE” – Kodak Black, Travis Scott and Offset

“ZEZE, do you love me?” No, frankly, you’re quite boring, although D.A. Doman’s production is pretty competent, at least. I guess the steel pans don’t do as much for me because I hear them every week on this show, but it’s still alright, I’m pretty sure he produced “Taste” too so I’ll check out what he does nowadays, he can be pretty good. Everyone else ruins it, though. How can you get such a cleanly-produced, airy-sounding beat and just puke all over on it with ad-lib madness? Seriously, with the vocals, this feels cluttered as all hell. The bass is overpowering but Travis and Kodak Black’s autotune both make everything so hard to listen to, especially with the amount of reverb-addict ad-libs throughout. In Kodak’s typically off-beat verse, there’s extra vocal harmonisations as well, that I think are the same guy from “Taste”, to be completely honest. Offset raps well but the ad-libs, again, are too much, it’s just way too much in so little time, like a shoddy BTS song by a rapist and a homophobe. Oh, yeah, and it was a meme three weeks before it released, leading it to debut at number-one in Canada, because Canadians seem to have lost their capability to both make AND listen to good music this year. Sad.

#5 – “Woman Like Me” – Little Mix featuring Nicki Minaj

This new album by Little Mix, (lazily) titled LM5, is going to be women and women only! Just female stars and vocal powerhouses on this record, baby... until you realise two frat boy-looking dudes are on the bonus track and this song was written by Ed Sheeran. It’s safe to say I’m never excited that much for a Little Mix album, and the addition of Nicki Minaj as a feature has never given me much to write home about since “Monster” by Kanye West, so expectations were low, and somehow I was still disappointed... because it leads me in with that sassy guitar and intro, before immediately plunging me into suck. The trap beat kicks in, with a badly-mixed autotuned Jesy rapping pretty awfully, to say the least, before sloppily cutting to the pre-chorus with that guitar, but also the trap percussion and “whoop!” vocal effects, and that ear-piercing falsetto note that acts like a synth during the drop, where the bass overpowers everything. Hell, everything about this song is sloppy. They take vocals from other takes and make no effort to connect them together in any comprehensible manner. The autotune constantly put on Jesy is not only unnecessary because she and all of the girls have great voices but it feels cheap. When Nicki Minaj comes in, it actually gives me some space to breath with the empty space between “b****es is my sons” punchlines and a blunt, boring flow as she simply states, “I want all the money”, without any jokes or any wordplay or anything, just she wants all the money. Why does Nicki have to come in during the last chorus and outro, too? Why is everything so all over the place in this song? This is an atrocity. What a half-hearted failure. Steve Mac produced this? What—actually, no, that explains a lot, in fact, it makes me believe anyone on this song tried, because when Steve Mac doesn’t try the end result is listenable (i.e., “What About Us”, “Shape of You”) but when he does we get stuff like “Alarm” by Anne-Marie, “Rockabye” by Clean Bandit and this? Wait, Steve Mac also produced “Thursday”? Well, that explains the shoddy vocal mixing present in both, but God, he’s not having the best of weeks. Take a few months off, Mac. You need it, and maybe during then, don’t try at all so you get into the habit of phoning everything in. That’s the only thing you’re good at.

Conclusion

Little Mix and Nicki Minaj get Worst of the Week for “Woman Like Me”, no question, but I didn’t expect to give Best of the Week to Bad Bunny and Drake for “MIA”, with Honourable Mention going to Jess Glynne for “Thursday” and Dishonourable Mention to Kodak Black, Travis Scott and Offset for “ZEZE”. What a messy week, and quite a few pretty messy songs, actually. Few of these songs feel like they were made by competent producers, honestly. See ya next week!

[reddie-boi]

ughhhhhhhh I went to the fair tonight and I honestly don't know why because every time I go something always happens that makes me sad/mad and guess what it fucking was this time

my crush was there and she was talking about not having money to go on the Ferris wheel with her girlfriend and my heartbroken dumb ass gave her 23 dollars just to watch her get on the Ferris wheel with her girlfriend while I try not to think about what couples do on ferris wheels

so long story short I was sad most the night and now I don't have 23 fucking dollars

[prodigaldaughteralice]

alice liveblogs infinity war

we’re watching infinity war finally and I’m already mad at it or being grimdark

(spoilers I didn’t like it. also there’s some vague SU and PMMM spoilers in here because I ramble.)

like the end of Ragnarok was SO GOOD with the asgardian refugees and then they just fucking kill them all and the whole pre-credits bit was just pointless

also they pretended to kill Loki and that guy is never actually dead but it pissed me off

also I’m sad I’m so sick of Cumberbatch because I really like the idea of having a straight up wizard in your main party of superheroes

I’m glad Banner got to hug the shit outta Tony though

I really like this spider-man! I haven’t seen his movie yet but he has the goofy wisecracking that I loved about the comics as a kid DOWN

IRON MAN SPIDER SUIT?

why does tony stark have a samsung POS for a phone

and the Guardians show up and the mood immediately lightens; I am SO GRATEFUL TO THEM AND OH MAN MANTIS IS HERE I LOVE HER

HI THOR

your last movie was way better than this one

drax has the hugest boner for thor and I do not blame him but I would understand it a little more if he still had his luscious hair

THE FAMILY FUCK UPPERY COMPETITION I THOUGHT THAT WAS A TUMBLR JOKE

“all words are made up”ilu thor

okay who tf is this now in the fancy apartment with a glowy thing in his head am I supposed to know this????? THAT’S FUCKING VISION???????

also is that scarlet witch with him? I should probably point out that I watched Civil War once and I did not pay much attention because it was annoying the shit out of me

yep that’s scarlet witch here come her glowy things

designated girl fight time ughhhh

oH MY GOD STEVE ROGERS SHAVE THAT BEARD OFF RIGHT NOW nat what did you do to your hair did the director decide there could only be one ginger woman

oh I’m glad they got an excuse to reuse those awesome monster designs from the first Avengers flick in this flashback with baby Gamora

okay though I know they probably did it to make him look more like the comics but I cannot take Thanos seriously with that fucking CHIN he is committing hideous atrocities and now I am just annoyed and my immersion is broken

it is so obvious Gamora knows where the last stone is that I genuinely hope the secret is actually something else

...drax. why. stop eating. mantis you have saved me from that terrible joke I love you.

at this point it’s making me genuinely sad that I’ve been spoilered about the dust thing. like. I know he’s gonna get everything? I know he’s gonna ~win~ and oh my god drax fucking stop

THANK YOU MANTIS YOU HAVE RESCUED ME THIS DAY

FUCK YEAH GAMORA ABUSIVE DAD STABBING

oh jesus the blocks of clay/strips of paper effect is freaky as shit

jesus jesus this whole scene is freaking the shit out of me god ugh why there is no genuine point to dragging this scene out it’s just Suffering there are times in my life where I would be okay with it but Ugh

it genuinely took me a few seconds of Weird Romantic Music for me to remember they paired nat and bruce off in that one movie that was some weird shit can we just move on

YOOO IT’S WAKANDA TIME

...that was disappointingly brief

okay there is way too much torture in this movie. that’s the issue. physical emotional et cetera too much torture

I love spider-man though he’s a good boy

strange and tony are both the exact kind of arrogant asshole that you’re supposed to identify with but instead just annoys the shit out of me and spider-man is this scene’s only saving grace 

okay this new philosophy for Thanos since they can’t have him being in love with Death bc that would lead to Deadpool issues... it’s very... Kyuubey.

FUCK NO NEBULA SHIT BABY I LOVE HER AND THIS IS BULLSHIT I’M SO MAD JESUS THIS WHOLE FILM IS ABOUT TORTURE AND I HATE ITjesus jesus nope nope stop nope this is bullshit fuck

thor speaks groot and I am relieved but I miss movies where the default was thor speaking groot and there were only occasional dips into misery

why is thor trying to get a new hammer there was a whole deal in his last film about how he doesn’t need the hammer AND A ROBOT EYE? so they’re just gonna tear apart all the symbols of his character development? whyyyyyyyyy

groot put down your fucking ds

...is that peter dinklage as a giant I kind of love that

I’m glad Nebula pulled herself together I love herrrrrrr

they’re on a planet called Titan!! GAAANEYMEDE AND TITAN, YESSIR I’VE BEEN AROUUUUND... BUT THERE AIN’T NO PLACE IN THE WHOLE OF SPAAAAAACE... LIKE THAT GOOD OLD TITAN TOWN

“you’ll have to restart the forge... awaken the heart of a dying star” okay so it’s a side quest

mantis is bouncing around I love her

did Peter just adopt Peter as an uncle

...is that red fucking skull? like from hydra? why is there a nazi in space

the stone demands a sacrifice UGHHHHH this is DUMB this movie has no idea what genre it is so it’s just taking the superficial cliches from every one it finds

ughhHHHHHH and it’s gonna count her as ~someone he loves~ even though he’s just been a dickwad fucker who’s tortured her her whole life THAT ISN’T LOVE ASSHOLES ughhhhh fucking shit also attempted suicide on screen definitely did not make my night any better fuck this fuck this fuck this movie with a bread knife STOP HAVING DRAMATIC SHOTS OF HIM CRYING THIS IS BULLSHIT.

oh and now he’s floating in the void. on a cloud. in a pond. great. I don’t care.

wait all that and it’s not even the big stone for the back of the hand???? it’s a lil knuckle one???

rhodey just pranked the shit out of bruce and the mood whiplash is killing me

I fucking love shuri okay every second we are in wakanda is a gift and a relief from the rest of the movie

...explosions. of course.

“and get this man a shield” FUCK YES

I would like to interrupt this to point out that my cat is a perfect loaf on the floor and I love him

...suddenly there are monster hordes? where did they even come from? I mean out of the ships obviously but this is fucking stupid

oh my god all the wakandans with their badass ranged spear technology and then bucky is just standing there with a fucking gatling gun

black panther is a badass and I appreciate action sequences when they’re well done but this is not tied together enough for me to be invested I guess?

okay but there is legit zero explanation for why thor isn’t dying in the heat of the star? like. he just Decided Not To Die??? like. I would be fine if he was like “I have expanded my powers since I moved past my hammer, I think I can take it” or whatever but they just decided to have him be like “IT’LL ONLY KILL ME IF I DIE” which is just. dumb. 

ohhhh so they’re resurrecting him with the axe. which is not a thing we ever said the axe could do. okay. okay sure. sure. fine.

groot handle is badass but there’s been so much torture and self harm in this movie that having him whack his own arm off just is not fun even if he regrew it immediately

I’m glad thor is glowing again though.

ughhhhh thanos’s philosophy is so dumb I’m so done with hearing it YES DROP THE BUILDING LAPIS LAZULI THIS SHIT awwww he just got back up again I mean I guess BD did too DID DRAX JUST FUCKING HAMSTRING HIM

don’t you dare call him an insect arachnids aren’t insects ya purple dingus

NEBULAAAAAAAAAAA

they look like they’re gonna succeed but it’s too early in the movie and I want them to succeed right now so this movie will be over but also bc whatever they do to get him out of this will feel dumb

“he is in anguish” I DON’T GIVE A SHIT.

DO NOT ENGAGE DO NOT ENGAGE SHIT

ughhhhHHHHHHH. GAMORA WOULD NOT HAVE WANTED YOU TO FUCK OVER THE OPERATION LIKE THIS. GODDAMNIT.

...any tree can drop an apple, he’s gonna drop the freakin’ moon?

BUCKY SPINNING WITH ROCKET IS HILARIOUS I LOVE IT also thor and cap’s moment of banter see THAT is what I like about these movies when they’re done well

scarlet witch is OP as fuck and I love her

designated girl fight x4????? we can mix it up a little okay????

bruce arguing with hulk is somehow relatable???

I love spidey’s robo legs tbh they’re super fun HE CAN’T REMEMBER NAMES FUCKIN RELATABLE

okay yes I still love having a wizard in the party I just wish it wasn’t THIS guy

did you just fucking stab tony that’s bullshit

“spare his life and I will give you the stone” WHY THAT IS A SHITTY DEAL TO MAKE HE’S ALREADY DYING ANYWAY this is a trick, right?

ughhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

ughhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

vision’s thanos-sense is tingling and I wanna go to bed like screw this

put some fucking sleeves on you big grape flavoured asshole

do we even know why Wanda’s energy is the only one that can destroy the stone? Was that explained and I missed it?

YO SHE BROKE THE THING

“I understand, my child... better than anyone” NO YOU DON’T ASSHOLE YOU KILLED THE PERSON YOU’VE BEEN MANIPULATING AND HARMING HER WHOLE FUCKING LIFE FUCK YOU

...he just undid it with the time powers THAT’S CHEAP AS FUCK ughhhhhhhhh also he just put that narrow oval gem into a nearly circular and much larger setting so fuck that

FUCK YEA THOR ugh this isn’t gonna stick is it ughhhhhhhhhhhhhhHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

is that baby gamora UGHHHH “what did it cost?” “everything” I DON’T BELIEVE ANYTHING FAUX-SENTIMENTAL YOU SAY

and it’s time for the dusties. I got spoiled this happened but I don’t know who all it happened to

fuck this though

genuinely so pissed STOP TAKING THE BEST ONES NO NOT SPIDEY FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCJ YOU FUCL UOI

fuck this entire fucking movie

ughhhhh and I really like the actor who plays Thanos he’s awesome in everything else I’ve seen him in but this entire movie was like. there was no point? they shoved so many people into one place that there were just sidequests instead of a plot. I want to go to bed tbh. Maybe I will be able to articulate my irritation later but UGHHHH.

[bearhyog-blog]

{ OOC }

So... I’ve been missing. I needed some time for myself, I was really down and I just wanted to take a break from existing basically. I haven’t kept in touch with anyone, not even picking up the phone from grandma. I don’t know why specifically but I can tell you what has been happening in my life lately.

But before all that, I just want to take the time to thank you for keeping me up to date with your life and for always remembering me. I received your present last Friday and that made me sooooooooooooooooooooo happy. You have no idea, my favourite thing to colour is animals ^^ also, mom LOVED her calender, she hung it up on our living room and told me to thank you while complimenting your kindness and “foolishness” from wasting money on her. So thank you, thank you very much for your words, your actions and the postcards! They’re really well thought out and it makes my heart warm to know that I have someone who loves me, even if we’re far apart.

Where do I begin though.

As you know, I’ve been promised a job. I’m still waiting for it because the guy is so utterly busy he just can’t find the time to make videos with me. I don’t know, I’m disappointed I guess. Again. Mom also talked to the lady who was going to give me a ton of work and she also said she’s too busy. I might have a shot at teaching english 101 but the burocracy is crazy and idek how to handle situations like that, its all so complicated, my god. So I’ve been a little sad regarding that. But hey! I finished my portfolio if you wanna check it out. I’ll be adding stuff to it as I make more stuff. Here’s the link:  https://marquesara.wixsite.com/portfolio

What else is new? Ah! Since I’ve been feeling so lost and just down, I took on a little project. At first, it was going to be a turtle but the money to keep one is sooooooo much that I decided on dwarf hamsters. They’re very cute. They’re also kinda boring because they don’t interact with us but eh they’re nice to look at and feed and stuff. At first I got two: Francis and Sebastian. I read online that males are usually more calm than females so I decided on two males. AND I build their cage out of a plastic storage box, that wood flooring they have, cardbox as bed and stairs a wheel, a bird nest and feeding / drinking objects. It gave me a purpose, you know? And I was a little happier for a little while. They now live in my closet because my cats are crazy killers and they don’t leave the poor things alone. So during the day I leave the door open from the closet so they can see sunlight while I keep the door to my room closed so they can’t get in. At night I close the closet and leave the door open for the cats if they want to sleep on my bed. Oh! But that’s not all. I went back for a third mouse because the box was just so big for 2 little creatures. When I got to the store I said I wanted to take one more and the lady went. “We have two here but one is not for sale because he doesn’t have a leg so we can’t sell that one.” but I had noticed that one of the hamsters I had home had a limp so I told her that and she apologized and said I could take it back and they’d give me the money back for it. I said no way! The creature is no less of a creature because it has a limp! So the lady said she would offer me one hamster instead. I agreed to that (duh) but I saw that there was only one left in the cage so I told her I’d take that one too so he wouldn’t be alone. So now I have four hamsters living in my room. Oh! The others’ names are Aiden and Josh. They’re all named after characters from shows I love hahaha

Still on the animal train, we have Lolita! Lolita is a very pretty, young cat who gave birth to three kittens last month. She belongs to a friend of grandma’s and the poor cat got pregnant basically because the woman won’t sterilize her and she didn’t want to hear the cat whine so she let her free. Someone found her on the street, shaking, quivering in fear under a car and with major weight loss. Instantly, I wanted to take Lolita from that woman. And I might. I’m going to propose to her that I take her to the vet and do an aids test on her. I can’t add an aids cat in my family but I can help with the kittens. Mom wants to adopt one so we might just do that. Or take them all to the vet for responsible adoptions, because wtf... People are so selfish. I spent a whole hour in her house with Lolita and her kittens. Lolita is so gentle and thin and her cubs are still so small they can’t even meow sometimes. One is black and white, the other is white with brown spots and the other one is white and bege. They’re ALL adorable. But this kind of thing triggers me. I know I can’t be the super hero, saving all the animals but that makes me sad and just bleh.

Moving onward, in a talk with mom she said I had my savings from my childhood in the house and not in the bank anymore and it was a decent amount so instead of just worrying about the future all the time and seeing mom getting so stressed about money, I took her with me to the mall nearest, to Primark so we could both get some new clothes. She was really happy so we went once again days later. I paid for all of it. It wasn’t much but it was something we could never afford if it wasn’t for the savings since mom isn’t doing so well in her job. Anyway, I got sunglasses from dad that cost 25 CENTS!!!!!!!!!!! Yes, that’s how cheap that store is. You can get amazing deals. He was so happy for the random present hahahaha. I also then took a little more cash out of the envelope and told mom to come with me to a store nearby where the supermarket is, she was confused and asked why so I asked her “black, white or gold”? She was even more confused but on our way there she yells “YOU’RE NOT BUYING ME A PHONE ARE YOU?”. Let’s just say mom’s phone belongs in the 1700s and it has a lot of issues. So I searched online and I got a great deal from that store. Mom was FLOORED. It was nice to see. She’s been so down too so I wanted to cheer her up a bit! And it worked, she loved the phone. It’s no Terminator but it works fine, so ^^

I also got you a couple cute things but idk when I’ll be sending them because our post office is working like SHIT!!!!!!!!!!! I’m super mad at them. Remember when I told you I had some stuff from ebay coming? ONE IS STILL NOT HERE DUE TO A TECHNICAL DIFFICULTY. I was so pissed at them I emailed them to insult the crap out of them. Sigh. I hope it comes back soon or I’ll destroy the company with my screams.

Mom bought me an aloe vera plant.

I started washing my hair with shampoo after 1 year of flour. It’s organic, biologic and plant-based blah blah so that I can finally not have flour in my hair all the time but still don’t damage it with chemicals. I didn’t even know such things existed LOL but at the mall I saw this store glowing green and checked it out and NOW I AM FREE OF FLOUR HAHAHAHAHAH

In the meantime, I went to two funerals. No one I knew personally but they were family of family, you know? It made me remember to pray, I had forgotten the words hahahaha. And I like churches, they look old and historical and smell wooden-y hahahaahah I’m an idiot.

Anyway, basically I just dug myself a hole and covered it. I’m ready to resurface now, bit by bit. Thank the lord for TV series. Spoiler alert, Jon Snow sleeps with a very hot woman. LOL But what’s really got me going is this series called Being Human and it’s SOOOOOOOOOOO good. It’s about a vampire, a werewolf and a ghost who live together. They’re all friends against their species “rules”. It’s so dramatic and violent and romantic and emotional and omg I just want to marry Josh, he’s my little Teddy Bear. You should check it out! I think you’d like it. Don’t watch the UK version, that SUCKS. Watch the US remake. Ughhhhhhhh. I even wrote fanfiction about me and Josh HAHHHAHAHAHAHAHA It’s silly but when you’re by yourself that’s what you do.

I just... I really can’t explain it. I fell like Alice in Wonderland (idk if you’ll get the reference or if you saw the movie) but she falls down this hole in the ground and there’s all sorts of things she sees around her like tea pots and chess tables and singing butterflies AS SHE FALLS (more like floats down). And then I felt trapped, I didn’t know which way to go. Should I wait for work here, should I just pack my things and go to Ireland? It’s all so blurry and I think the anxiety of it all caught up to me.

Which reminds me! I upped my meds and they’re working well :)

What else...

Hmmm, oh I have the flu -_- I think I caught it from a kid at dad’s house the other day I went there to have dinner with them. I feel like I weigh 1000000000000kg but it’s all physical, you know? Clogged nose, horrible dry cough, bit of a fever. Nothing that won’t cure itself. 

I think that’s all there is to tell, actually. The rest of my days I just spend watching shows with mom, sleeping the day away because the meds make me sleepy, walking Mel, taking naps, and more naps. Oh right! And I’m doing therapy too. They stopped the OCD therapy for now because I believe I’m in a good place right now, controllable state that I don’t need a doctor to continue with my treatment for that. But now we’re going all the way back to my childhood and why I only have nightmares and why do I dream of the same guy over and over who I didn’t even date but like... it was a crush in MIDDLE SCHOOL. She basically said I’m emotionally damaged (what a surprise) and that led to consequences such as not liking men unless they’re fictional. But we just started on that so we’ll see where this goes. I think that put me down too, I had to write about every guy I had been involved even at 12 years old and I hated remembering all those times and people and that ALSO contributed to me not being in the brightest of mood.

Then I tried joining a RP as JB from GOT7 because he’s a hot piece of ass. I was on like 7 different dates, not even kidding but I lost interest because they were too easy. I left and joined as Yeeun. No one talked to me so I left again and came back as Ken and his ex from a rp like... two years ago is there and it’s so awkward I just stopped showing. 

And that has been my life!

You have no idea how much I’ve missed you and I wanted to talk to you but I just didn’t have the strength... I’m sorry about that and for not being there when you needed me, I truly feel so bad. But I’m here now okay? And I’ll even rewind here so that we don’t clog the messenger feed (which we tend to do a lot)