#and it’s like honestly if someone needs religion to be a good person I’m like ok I’m glad they are being a better person

[nerdyqueerandjewish]

I’ve always been very interested in religion and spirituality because it’s fascinating that all different groups of humans all over the earth have developed religion and learning about it can teach us so much about humans and our complex needs. It has never been about if it’s true to me, it’s like a framework for understanding or a type of communal coping mechanism, and, like all frameworks or coping skills it has the ability to be helpful or harmful.

And with all the things a person sees nowadays with how our brains evolved to live in a very different world than we do now, like how we are bad at dealing with chronic stress from news and opinions being funneled into our brain constantly, it sort of baffles me that some people think that it’s a good idea to completely sever and discard one of the oldest ways of dealing with the randomness of life and vastness of the universe. Like, this isn’t about individual belief because I understand that some people don’t need this specific framework and they have other frameworks that help them process things, but to be like ah yes People As A Whole need to stop this Wide Ranging Human Thing That’s Existed Forever, even if they are practicing it in a non-harmful (and maybe even beneficial way). Like, be mad at the people who are using it to harm others and not people who are just chilling? Genuinely does not make sense to me

[weirdero]

I want to talk about Helena’s performance as Helly and her deep rooted misunderstanding of who Helly is as a person. And just in general how I think she perceives her especially after yesterday’s episode.

Helena is incredibly attentive, almost to the point of being terrifying. In the short moments she interacts with anyone, everything in her head is already scripted, calculated, and premeditated. She’s also a great method actress, reacting based on the energy around her. It’s like a stand up comic, constantly adjusting their performance to make sure their actions land. If something doesn’t click, she shifts.

Throughout the past couple of episodes, Helena spends most of her time just trying to go with the flow move with the water, trying to fit in without standing out, constantly monitoring the group and their reactions at every turn. And so far, she was good at it. She can play the part, until her own emotions towards helly start to blind her.

In these two pics she does a quick scan of Irving’s and Marks faces trying to analyze their reactions

Helena knows the group loves Helly. She knows Mark loves Helly. And honestly, I’d bet every dollar in my bank account that it genuinely makes her want to kill herself. She has zero respect for Helly, and she doesn’t need to. To Helena, Helly, and by extension, the group, are low value. Insignificant. At her highest, Helly is just a worker, a cheap extension of herself created with the sole purpose of just being a good employee to be displayed to the public as a little shining lumon puppet. But shit, the bitch can’t even do that. She’s done quite the opposite. So yeah, not a person to be respected or valued.

This particular disdain (and fuck it, I’m just gonna say hate) that Helena carries for Helly spills into the bonfire scene with Milchick.

While Milchick is reading the story, enunciating every word like a second grade elementary school teacher, showing pictures like they’re in a reading circle, I kept wondering to myself if Helena ever experienced something similar to this as a child. How many times has she heard this same story? Or hell, any other old Kier mythology? Lumon, Kier, the Eagan legacy, it’s all she’s ever known. This world is nothing new to her.

Even though I believe Helena is a loyal servant, she probably didn’t love all the weird shit she had to put up with in her childhood. The weight of the Egan legacy probably suffocates her. But she accepted it either way because that was the life she was given. Unlike fucking helly. Fucking helly who’s forced her into this situation to begin with. In my opinion, all of these particular feelings make their way into Helena’s reaction to the story as Helly, which could only be described as a middle schooler who suddenly thinks they’re too old for camp.

I saw this post someone made about this scene, and like shit, yeah, that’s probably right. Helena had one chance to shit on the weird religion that’s been shoved down her throat since birth and she took that chance.

Helena, in this moment, settles for crude, mocking jokes. She probably does this partially out of her own selfish need for Mark’s validation, as well as playing her role trying to fit into the group but I also think it’s a great reflection of her own personal feelings toward Helly. Helly, who would’ve never acted that way. Helly, who is many things, but never cruel. Helena doesn’t seem to understand that. For the moment, Helena takes a step back, flanderizes Helly, reducing her to this cheeky, crude, disruptive little jokester. That’s how Helena views her. With no respect. No nuance. Helly has layers Helena does not care to see. Helly doesn’t just break rules; she actively causes chaos, subverting everything around her. She’s purposefully, and happily, malcontent. A bitch, dare I say, an ungrateful bitch, most likely from Helena’s point of view.

Irving, who keeps testing her, makes her slip a little more. I talked about this a little bit in my last post about severance, but Helena doesn’t take well to being disrespected. She shifts from wanting the group’s (and mostly Mark’s) validation to just wanting to put Irving in his fucking place. These people aren’t equal to her in her mind. They aren’t cut from the same cloth probably not even made from the same fabric. There are levels to this shit, and they are not on her level.

She says what she says. It’s cruel. Mostly, it’s stupid on her part.

And just like Irving said later, and what I said earlier Helly was many things, but…

What Helena did at the bonfire was a fuck up. An especially surprising one coming from a woman as controlling and calculated as her. I’m fully convinced all those little mistakes came from a deep frustration within her. Much of that anger, in my opinion, is stewing from the realization that Helly, someone created by her, literally the source of all of Helena’s recent problems, someone who will stop at nothing to take her down, that person, the woman who’s literally locked up inside her, is more free than she will ever be.

Yes, Helena has no respect for Helly. Yes, she most likely hates that bitch. But when she herself is acting as Helly, it gives her the opportunity to almost let go. She gets the chance to essentially kill the bitch that’s been fucking up her life whilst simultaneously getting a chance to talk to this man who cares so deeply for a version of herself she hates, Even if it’s not the most ideal of situations (it’s not), it’s still something. I think, at the bonfire, she reflects on the ridiculous situation she’s found herself. All this shit caused by some other version of herself that she created, that situation plus all the other shit going down at Lumon is probably alot. And it just all bubbles up inside her. And when she’s given even the smallest opportunity to let anything out, she’s going to take it.

Idk it’s therapeutic in a way I guess.

She’s unfiltered, blunt, and almost carefree in a way that’s shocking almost unsettling. It’s clearly how she sees Helly to some degree, but also her own need to scratch an itch she’s never dared to before. And even though it’s an act of “Helly”, it still leaves a clear aftertaste of Helena.

Keep thinking about these two little moments whilst she’s making her jokes she not only keeps checking on mark’s reaction but also seems to laugh at her self in a way that just seems so genuine almost self deprecating. She acknowledges the ridiculousness of her situation and this dumb ass story she’s probably heard a million times

In my last post about Severance, I mentioned that Helena is the master of speaking her truth without outright saying it. She hides behind walls, but as Helly, she’s free to speak without restraint.

(Also her having sex with mark is a clear way of her expressing this new found freedom with in her role as helly but ima talk about that later)

[domreader-headcannon-scenarios]

Hello! I really love your works sm, can i request a sfw or nsfw head cannons of the angels from WHB? Thank you!!

I’m so glad you liked them!! So I’m tryna write the angels as best I can Gabriel is the only one I’ve met outside of a event, I’ve seen the other two in the Halloween event! I like em but ngl they have…unique kinks I needed to google hifth

I hope you enjoy!!

Over all cw: blaspheme (I think?? ((Angels worshiping you)), death (not main characters), abuse of power

Sfw/nsft hcs on Angels!

-

Gabriel

Cw: inappropriate boners,

He basically a guard dog standing over your shoulder 24/7 to keep you safe, he calls you his ‘Lord/Lady/Highness’ and has an army of angels who think the same of you

He’s not very affectionate but if you just say ‘hold me/my hand’ or ‘kiss me’ he’d do it in a heart beat. As his God he only wants you pleased

He’s a terrible cook and somehow steals food and is terrifying good at getting away with it (it must be an angel thing??) he dosent even lie saying he made it, he’s just vague where it came from (only once have you caught him in the act and you made him apologize, but the person gave him the food regardless)

He dust a lot in your home and you cant help but notice the ‘home made’ duster he ‘found’ has feathers matching his wings…

Nsft

Canon Kink: Hierophilia; deriving sexual pleasure from religion, religious places and objects as well as find the act itself religious

He enjoys watching you participate in religious activities…maybe too much. He also finds pleasure in treating you as his god.

You jokingly thought of making him go to church, only for him to jump at the chance. He lowkey regretted it when you didn’t touch him, and made him stay squirming in his seat instead of helping him get off. He for whatever reason thought you’d let him jerk off or would touch him yourself as you were holy, nothing you did was wrong but…touching himself in this place is

You’ve actually caught him touching himself to you praying before, he got bashful upon getting caught but you swear you’ve heard him doing it after that, you just don’t catch him in the act (though you’ve caught him awkwardly standing by and adjusting himself)

He’s got a adorablely small and sensitive cock and he genuinely doesn’t need it touched to cum, roll it between your fingers for a few minutes and he’s trembling as he spills out all his cum

Michael

Cw: murder, inappropriate boners

He’s strict with everyone around you, but not you, in his eyes you are the law since he serves only you, you cant do wrong

He’s terrible if you have guest, he demands they now to you and though he’ll settle if you tell him to, he watches them like a hawk and makes sure nothing gets out of hand

You see that leash? If you get mad and pull on it, he will calm down and you have his full attention, give it another tug downwards, and he’ll drop to his knees in front of you, and anyone else in the room

He likes brushing and styling your hair, he’ll try to help you bathe, insisting you don’t need to lift a finger, he will take care of everything, just relax

Nsft

Canon Kink: Erotophonophilia; ‘Muder kink’, deriving sexual gratification from killing or watching someone get killed (BOY IS THIS A HARD KINK TO CASUALLY WORK WOTH)

If push comes to shove he has a habit of killing people who harass you too much/threaten you, but he gets…really excited afterwards and is pressing his thighs together to hide his erection, especially if you’re clearly not in the mood

You’ve seen him get in fights while still aroused from the last kill an honestly, when in public you sometimes just force a chastity cage on him to discourage him acting out

Though he believes self pleasure, or just the act in general is…sinful, he will do anything for you with no qualms, he only feels good when you touch him anyway

He suffered from wet dreams whenever you’re around him or he has objects with your scent

When he want to fool around desperately he will walk right up to you, kneel and beg you to touch his neither regions, stroking, slapping, pinching, doesn’t matter as long as you touch him

Raphael

Cw: messy kitchens, messy person, furniture abuse,

He’s messy and kinda gets annoying at times since he discovered how much fun it is to smash condiment packages

He’s good about cleaning, and he even cooks to make up for the mess…but he’s a sloppy cook too but at least it’s not intentional this time

He doesn’t understand that the furniture isn’t trying to hurt you and doesn’t need to be punished. He’s broken threee tables, one bed post and five chairs since he’s moved to being your ‘Guardian Angel’, all for tripping you or you stubbed your toe on them

He’s not affectionate but he’s not distant, he just follows your lead, he stands close by and if you ask him to come over he flops in your lap and looks up at you like a puppy. He likes when you watch tv and let him lay across your lap, he falls asleep easily that way

Nsft

Canon Kink: Automysophilia; getting sexual gratification from defiling oneself, being dirty or defiled

He enjoys getting messy with cum, blood, dirt, just about anything. He will be blissed if you strip him and cover him in…well it’s up to you ;)

He has no qualms with jerking off in front of you if you don’t want to touch him while he’s too messy, but he wants you to be fully clothed while he’s sprawled out naked in front of you

He’s fucked slime before since it feels…weirdly good around his shaft, to the point he gets excited when he sees it around the house. You had to punish him for thinking he could ‘fool around’ with it then hide it away again

He’s got a very sensitive halo, while other angels get off to them being touched like a devils horns, he avoids it since it brings him to his knees in seconds

[a-bottle-of-tyelenol]

Not sure how to properly word this, but I find it really interesting how EPIC!Odysseus subtly equates himself to being among gods, particularly when it comes to empathizing with EPIC!Eurylochus.

In Luck Runs Out, Odysseus specifically tells Eurylochus, “I need you to always be devout and comply with this or we’ll all die in this.” and I find that particularly interesting because “devout” is most often used in relation to religion and belief, as is the structure of complying with the words of a god because death is the only other option. And he does this right after he announces to the world that he is “neither man nor mythical” which inherently puts himself above his men.

Odysseus has moments of hubris, absolutely, but a lot of his more outwardly notable moments of arrogance are replaced with scenes that prefer to highlight his grief and humanity instead (specifically, I think of when he announces his name to the cyclops). It feels like, to me, a lot of Odysseus’ arrogance in EPIC is less straightforward. It’s not him galavanting about how he bested someone, it’s more about how he holds himself and his status above others. That isn’t to say it no longer exists— quite the contrary, actually. Odysseus is objectively selfish, as is Eurylochus and the crew, but just like in the Odyssey, his hubris is absolutely his undoing; it just looks a little different here.

“I took 600 men to war and not one of them died there, in case I needed to remind you.” is a moment where, yes the praise is deserved, but I think it’s a good one to showcase where he subtly uses his own capabilities as a way to diminish the concerns of his crew. It’s important to remember that Odysseus was Athena’s favorite and there are many situations in OG source material where she either saves his life or gives him a leg-up on the competition that he otherwise wouldn’t have had, even in something as benign as a race or game. Odysseus absolutely deserves credit, as he is still very intelligent and Athena picked him for a reason, but I have no doubt in my mind that she was a large reason for why he was even able to accomplish such a feat in the first place. And yet, he attributes it solely to himself here.

Now, it’s pretty evident that the crew are largely unaware of Athena’s interference so I’m not bringing this up to say the crew would side-eye this. I mostly bring it up because of the fact that Odysseus did it at all and how it adds to a reoccurring theme of Odysseus insisting that he is a man while also likening himself as a god. Odysseus’ mantra of being “just a man” is largely not meant to be entirely literal and is supposed to represent his guilt, remorse, empathy, and love— characteristics that are mostly attributed to humanity— but I still think this goes hand in hand with Odysseus as a character wanting to have his cake and eat it too.

You can see this a lot in how Odysseus approaches the gods. In my interpretation, he thinks of himself on some kind of equal terms as them— he thinks that he can win Aelous’ game, he thinks he can outsmart Poseidon, he thinks that he can handle Circe, and he thinks he can argue back with Athena and directly disrespect her because they are equals— friends. Honestly, the only time he doesn’t really do this is in the beginning with Zeus and Astyanax, which is interesting because it is also his interaction with Zeus in Thunderbringer that seems to stop this mindset all-together (I don’t personally think that Odysseus believes himself to be equals with Poseidon in GitW and SHS, which is largely why I believe he won, but that’s a topic for another day).

(Also, outside of the story, you see it in how Jay gives him electric guitar (electronic music is associated with magic), waited like eight songs for the first time we hear Odysseus’ name (a decision similar to how we never actually hear ‘Zeus’ and is even highlighted by the way that he reveals Athena’s identity in Warrior of the Mind and not his own), and how he has a song with his name (just like the monsters do). This isn’t super relevant, I just think it’s interesting.)

Anyways, regardless of how right he is about these things (because, admittedly, he often is), it says a lot about him and how he perceives the situation he’s in that he can think these things at all.

Something else that’s interesting to note: likening yourself to a god, even indirectly, is really bad culturally. The gods find it disrespectful and that’s why you see a lot of myths or moments about people being punished for saying that they’re as or more beautiful than Aphrodite, as or more strong than Ares, as or more smart than Athena. In the Odyssey, Telemachus visits someone’s palace (I think it was Menelaus but ngl I don’t remember) and he whispers about how it must be what the palace of the gods looks like because of how glorious it is and he is immediately corrected because doing something like that is really bad and is usually/always seen as disrespectful to the gods.

Which brings me back to Eurylochus, a regular guy who has the experiences of someone without divine blood or intervention and also watches as his captain and king, even indirectly, puts himself on a level where he does not belong. Odysseus, as incredible as he is, is not nearly as divine as he makes himself out to be. He’s the great-grandson of Hermes— not the son, not even the grandson, the great-grandson— and he is the king of Ithaca, a small island that isn’t actually all that wealthy. In Ancient Greece standards, he’s not hot shit enough to warrant this belief, and Eurylochus knows that.

Obviously, Athena’s mentorship does change things a bit, but I wonder how much of Odysseus’ inherent belief that he is above his fellow man leaked into his behaviors. How obvious was it to Eurylochus, to his crew? How do you go from seeing someone like Achilles or Sarpedon with direct links to godhood that fell despite their parentage, and someone like Odysseus, who is touched by the divine but not even half as close as the others? How do you watch them fall and then see Odysseus continuously getting too close to the very things that have killed so many heroes before?

It isn’t just that Eurylochus is a normal man— it’s the fact that he views Odysseus as one as well, and Odysseus’ actions, despite what he continually insists throughout the show, do not portray that of a normal man. Normal men do not ask for direct help from a being that does not care whether they live or die. Normal men do not face off against fucking Poseidon without backing down. Normal men do not charge in against a sea witch without any aid and expect to win. Normal men do not get to make the decisions of fate— of who lives and dies— and remain blameless.

Odysseus told him to listen, yes, but he also put himself on to a pedestal that his crew had no way of knowing was true. To them, he was a regular man doing things that would have gotten regular men killed— and it did, it just wasn’t Odysseus who died because of it.

[vintagetimetarot]

What will your December be like? ❄️☃️ (Christmas themed) + love messages ♡︎

Hello everyone! Before I take my hiatus, I wanted to give y’all a reading to make up for not answering asks, or them being put on hold. Today I decided to make a monthly reading, and I added some love messages as well if you are interested, and to again make up for the lack of asks answered. Let’s get to it! (Also, I know this is Christmas themed, but you don’t have to be a certain religion for this reading at all, I’m not even Christian myself.) take what resonates and simply disregard what doesn’t. Pick a vintage Christmas album below!

Pile 1: I feel like the overall theme for your month is that you need to let go of the negatives currently going on in your life and what is making you dissatisfied. I see you guys might also have seasonal depression? But anyways. You’re gonna have to work very hard to make this a good month. I feel like you are struggling to stay positive or be happy right now, and if you don’t fix this it’ll just carry on into the next month. The cards suggest you can have a great month by putting yourself out there more in all aspects of your life. Go for that job you want! Kiss that guy/girl you like! Follow your dreams! But also be realistic with yourself and revaluate what you want first for this month, before you plan to pursue. You still have a couple weeks! I see this being a balanced month for you when you work hard. I think you’ll be improving in your job/school studies this month, regardless of what happens. I also think your personal relationships will be growing more this month, I think new people are going to enter your life. But I’m getting that you guys are guarded, but let these people in! They aren’t here to sabotage you. This will be a month of personal growth and divine timing and retribution for you, take it how it resonates. In terms of love this month, I see you exploring your romantic feelings, but this mainly will be about staying optimistic about your love life and working on self love this month. Love can’t fully come into your life if you can’t love yourself first for right now! Sorry if this was quite short, but this is all I got, I hope this resonated.

Pile 2: I think December is going to a very happy and successful mont for you. You may find yourself spending time and improving relationships with your family and friends. I also see your manifestations coming to fruition, whatever they are, this is your message that it’s coming this month! Things are being worked on behind the scenes. But these could be delayed if you keep up a lack of faith, which I see most of you guys have right now. Just because your manifestations don’t come ASAP doesn’t mean they aren’t coming. I see you making new friends this month, your social circle is going to expand greatly. I think you’ve been not your best lately, and that cycle is going to come to an end this month. I think this is mainly because you are learning to accept help from others. Things overall are just going to go smoothly this month, especially the holidays will be a healing time for you. In terms of love, I see that you make be deceived on what you have convinced yourself is happening right now, very specific message, but if you have an ex, they may be trying to win you back this month, but don’t fall for it. You two broke up for a reason. For those who are single, I think someone in your life currently is going to want to take things to a serious level with you. This is the time to express your love and not hold back, so things work out. I honestly feel like this is more casual and more familial like love, I’m not getting the vibe of a HUGE romantic month honestly. But it’s still gonna be great. That’s all I got, I hope this resonated!

Pile 3: This month is going to be go fast, and major change is going to happen. This is change you’ve been waiting for, but it won’t happen out of nowhere, YOU are gonna make the changes yourself believe it or not this month. Whatever you’ve been waiting for this what this is. You may find people being kinder to you and more generous this month. I think you are going to be extremely productive in terms of work/school. I think you are also going to make a significant connection while you’re at it in this area of life while you increase in productivity. I see you turning your back on things that don’t serve you anymore and finally taking the lead. This could be unhealthy relationships, stepping up your game in work/school, leaving a home environment or area that caused you turmoil, and more. You’ll be faced to make big choices this month as well, which will have large effects. In regards to love, I think you still need to wait or put a pause on that. Good things are coming, but not this month in love. You’ll be very focused on material things for now. The universe is just taking its time to make sure it all works out, and give you the best romantic situation possible. In terms of romance, you could be thinking about past relationships and exes, which is why you aren’t ready for something new yet. I think you are still inexperienced when it comes to love. Your reading is quite short, this month won’t be too eventful, but things will still change. That’s all I got, hope it resonates.

Pile 4: I think you guys are suffering right now. A lot. The past year or months might have been really rough on you. But this month, things will change, I promise. I think you may take a trip this month and that is going to be very healing for you. Or your travel life (small or big) will help you a lot this month. Your relationships will be crucial this month, all around. I think your messages will improve this month drastically, especially if they were previously causing you turmoil. I think many problems are going to get resolved this month, but with time more than anything. I see your mental state improving and getting out of this self deprecating mindset. I think with your relationships, you’ll become better at resolving conflict this you. In terms of romance, it’s safe for you to love. I think you’ll actually have people admiring you and pursuing you romantically more this month. For example, you may notice people flirting with you more. I don’t see this as straight up relationships left and right, but you’ll be discovering and exploring more of your romantic feelings this month. You’ll decide what you really want or will be, and that’s why you probably won’t be pursuing a relationship. I didn’t get much for this pile, so I advise you to go to another pile you were drawn to for more information on this month. That’s all I got, I hope this resonates.

[captain-mj]

PLEASE write the character analysis for graves, i’m so invested in this

a little late but I really wanted to make this!

Graves was born in Texas to a not so well off family. They were poor in the way most people were at the time. One missed paycheck or too big emergency and everything would crumble. His family consisted of three kids. Graves being the youngest.

His mom didn't hide that he was not her favorite child. Due to her status, there was a ton of praise, but it came with a double edged sword of cutting remarks when people wouldn't notice. Everything was scrutinized. His actions ripped to shreds and put under a microscope. Always searching for something wrong.

She used religion as a weapon. He had to be godly. Holy. Never commit a sin. Never want for more. Greed, even for something as free as affectionate, was punished. Resting his aching body was sloth. He never made a fool enough of himself to look at men with lust. His hide had been tanned more times than he ever wanted to think about and the concept of privacy was non existent most of his life.

Graves saw it as her trying to make him a better man. Clearly that's what she wanted. His father was distant. Always finding excuses to not be around any of his kids. He looked at him with something just a step above disdain.

Grave had tried to emulate that with his Shadows when he started. It's how his father garnered his respect, clearly that's how he could too. Instead, it made them look at him like he'd scream at them. Not fearful. No. More... annoyed. As if he was a dog that would bark and snap and snarl for no reason but wouldn't bite them.

He started to act more like his older sister. Only with them. Friendlier. It felt clumsy from disuse.

In high school, he had been popular. He had charm, personality, looks. Maybe not so much height as he stopped firmly at 5'7 until senior year when he got the last two inches before stopping permanently. People liked him. He was smart, always willing to tutor, always trying to be better. His father always looked at him the same. HIs mom showed pride when she could show it off.

Graves made sure when someone did anything, he told them he was proud. That he was happy for them. Truly. He loved people most of the time.

His door had a double lock on it at all times. One with a key and a deadbolt. No one entered his room.

His parents didn't fight. Not truly. His father would have to engage for that.

Graves remembered the one day he did. He screamed at her. Something about his sister. He wasn't sure.

Traditional values were important. So important. Always stand by family. God comes first. Men are the heads of the household and women were homemakers.

Graves tried once. The lady was nice enough. Wanted four kids and to stay home. Everything he needed for his mom's life plan for him.

She was perfect honestly. Men told Graves constantly how lucky he was. And they were great friends. But when they kissed, when they held hands or when they touched, there was so clearly something missing. Graves refused acknowledge that his eyes lingered on men. That sharing a drink with one of his guy's did something for him that she just couldn't seem to.

First time they had sex, he couldn't look her in the eye. He still remembered the conversation they had afterwards. She was a good woman. Everything a christian should be. Graves found religion slipping from him day by day, but he'd always remember the way her cross necklace had glittered at him.

She had asked him gently what he was thinking about.

Graves wanted to tell her he felt ashamed of the sin they committed or that he just had trouble getting it up. Instead, he sobbed, the second time he could ever remember crying in front of someone, and admitted he was thinking of a friend of his from the church. One of his guy ones.

She had pet his hair and let him get it all out before telling him it was over between them. They lived together as roommates for six more months. Their dynamic barely changed. They still watched movies and still split the chores the same way because Graves had never felt comfortable being idle.

His father had sat on his chair every night. The kids rushing around him to clean everything. Always at risk of being screamed at by their moms if their chores weren't done fast enough.

Personally, he could never stomach just sitting there. If he ever had kids, a thought that felt more and more foreign, he would never just let his wife handle everything. He'd never call his daughter a slut or interrogate his son for being a faggot.

Graves started going by Graves instead of his actual last name in high school. One day, right after he turned 18, he changed his last name. He never told his family. Why should he?

When he told them he wanted to go into the military, his father looked proud of him. It drove him for years before one day, he looked around and it hit him. He was right back where he was as a child. With people yelling at him and forcing him to do things and at some point, he grew up in a way no one else did.

Graves was tired of that. He left. He started his own company. He picked his Shadows carefully. And it was going to be better.

It was. Then he dealt with death for the first time.

The Shadow's name was Dillon and he was from his hometown. Graves cried at his funeral. His mother told him to man up. His father hadn't talked to him since he left the military.

Graves didn't go to any funerals in that area again.

His mother called him to let him know his father died. He didn't cry.

Graves didn't cry when his mother went into the ground either.

He cried for each of his Shadows. He cried when he realized God was a foreign concept to him.

The aftermath of Los Almas was the worst few weeks of his life. Yes, he wanted to blame the 141. But he understood it. Survival was important. He couldn't seem to get the wrath in his soul to stay.

So he let it go. He became friends with Farah and Alex. Met Price. He refused to apologize for what he did, but Price seemed to accept it the same way he did. It just wasn't worth staying angry at some point.

Maybe it wasn't healthy.

Graves had been.... not quite out. No one asked so no one knew. Mila said he was in a glass closet but that didn't feel quite right. It implied everyone could tell.

Graves didn't like that. Not out of shame. Just... he was a private person. His room had three locks.

At some point, he gave the key to Price. It was more symbolic than anything. Until Graves kept the other locks unlocked so it actually worked. Anyone could knock at any point, but only Price could just walk in. Not that he ever did. He always knocked.

Graves and Price split the chores in the house. Neither wanted kids. It was nothing like his mother's life plan. It was perfect.

[laughroditee]

Okay, so this is a screenshot of Barry Sloane’s Spotify playlist that he made for Captain Price. He included “Closer” by Nine Inch Nails, which I thought was very interesting. I’d given some thoughts on a previous post reblogged from @staytrueblue about what I thought concerning the implications of its inclusion, but I thought it would be fun to make a headcanon of just how closer!price would show up in bed in fics. I wrote a lot of this at 3 AM when I was plagued with sudden insomnia, so I apologize if anything is hard to follow or, conversely, over-explanative. My brain juices are very bad. I hope I’m doing this right.

So, let’s take a look at the song lyrics in chunks and apply them to Price.

CW: we get a little religious, but it’s more like him worshipping you and not an actual religion. I just thought I’d warn you if that sort of talk bothers you. (It’s in the song lyrics, so…)

You let me violate you You let me desecrate you You let me penetrate you You let me complicate you

So we have some pretty negative, violent words here like “violate,” “penetrate” (which, we know what that means in this context obviously), and “complicate.” Still, it’s the inclusion of “desecrate” that I want to focus on here. To desecrate something is to “to treat a sacred place or thing with violent disrespect” meaning that closer!price views you as something sacred. Conversely, he’s applying all of these negative, violent words to himself, turning himself into not only an aggressor but one who acts against divine or holy things. In other words, he sees himself as a sinner or something profane. (We’re moving with the vocabulary of the song here.)

So why would closer!price think of himself in this way? Well, let’s look at one of his quotes from Modern Warfare (2019):

"We get dirty and the world stays clean. That's the mission."

John chooses to make this soul-sacrifice willingly. And he chooses this every time so that other people don't have to. This is His Duty™️. And he does it without complaint. But just because you choose something doesn't mean you like it. John is always driven to do The Right Thing™️, at least by his own moral compass, even if it means disobeying orders or shooting a US General in the face for betraying his team. (Chaotic Good king.) However, no choice is without consequence, even if it's merely subconscious. So, going by this line, closer!price views himself as dirty, and I think it's more than just blood on his hands. The atrocities he’s performed in order to protect his country and the world take their toll on the soul. But he accepts that.

At the same time, closer!price sees you as clean. He thinks you're out of his league, that he doesn't deserve you. He could be almost apologetic about wanting to be with you at first, not wanting to disrupt your nice and clean life with the darkness of war that lives within him. He might even resist you for as long as possible.

(Honestly a lot of this runs parallel to how I tend to interpret Simon, but there are a lot of differences there too. Simon, I think wears his dark underbelly very openly – just look at the guy’s design FFS, and personality. But Price’s shadow seems less obvious than Simon’s, and maybe that’s due to the latter’s additional childhood trauma on top of his military trauma.)

Getting back to the lyrics, let’s narrow in on the first parts of those lyrics: “you let me.” closer!price needs your consent, because if you let him “violate/desecrate/penetrate/complicate” you, someone so pure in his eyes, taking such a miserable sinner like him into their body, then he must have some chance at redemption. The path to his absolution lies in your acceptance of him into your body.

I broke apart my insides (Help me) I've got no soul to sell (Help me) the only thing that works for me Help me get away from myself

We get more into the broken/soulless imagery here, and his desperate desire to escape himself. Where else would he escape to but into you?

closer!price would probably want someone outside of the military, a safe haven when he's home and away from the battlefield. He wants to have a piece of that world he's keeping clean, even if he doesn't feel like he deserves it and feels separate from it. You are his link to his own humanity, which he feels is actively eroding with every mission.

closer!price would think you're cute talking about your normal civilian life, but not in a patronizing way. He takes it as evidence that his sacrifice is worth it. That, because your life is quiet and mundane, he’s doing his job right.

closer!price would also try to keep you as far away from his work life as possible, to protect you and keep you clean, not for him but for your own good.

I wanna fuck you like an animal I wanna feel you from the inside I wanna fuck you like an animal

Barry also included many songs on the playlist with “beast” in the title, which goes back to the whole “I’m not human, I’m an animal” thing, echoing that loss of humanity.

My whole existence is flawed You get me closer to God

closer!price may not be a religious man, but fucking you is transcendental for him. Every time is a blessing. Every noise you make is a benediction.

He isn't needy as much as he becomes existential, as if being inside you were a matter of his continued existence on this plane. He becomes weak in this moment because this becomes a fight for his soul. (Not that he would force anything, because that's not okay.)

He would worship your body, your temple, filling you with his cum as if this is how you draw the sins out of his body. And he is absolved. For now.

You can have my isolation You can have the hate that it brings You can have my absence of faith You can have my everything

Here, we’re seeing this idea of giving over to the divine (which is you). The stripping away of all the bullshit that’s in closer!price’s head as he’s lost in fucking you.

you tear down my reason (Help me) it's your sex I can smell (Help me) you make me perfect Help me become somebody else

Here, you can see him getting more animalistic or primal from the loss of his ability to reason (what are humans known for if not their power to reason?) to enhanced senses. You take away all of that for closer!price in an all-encompassing, deconstructive way. He sheds his identity when he’s with you, that identity of “Captain Price, soldier.” This is more of a “universal oneness” concept than a Biblical God here IMO; “help me become somebody else” is a plea for rebirth.

I wanna fuck you like an animal I wanna feel you from the inside I wanna fuck you like an animal My whole existence is flawed You get me closer to God Through every forest Above the trees Within my stomach Scraped off my knees I drink the honey Inside your hive You are the reason I stay alive

Boy’s not afraid to kneel. He will treat you like the deity you are. He basically lives for your p/bussy and is a giant fucking munch; I don’t know what else to say.

[sabrgirl]

Say, ‘O People of the Book! Why do you turn the believers away from the path of Allah, seeking to make it crooked, while you are witnesses thereof? And Allah is not unmindful of what you do.’ (3:100).

it honestly breaks my heart seeing so many muslims hating on other muslims on social media— especially the hate muslim women get. when will the world change? are we not the final religion of Allah? but we’re hating on our own people like this? why so hard to be kind?

do not doubt the power of prayer. simply praying for Allah سُبْحَٰنَهُۥ وَتَعَٰلَىٰ to guide someone will not only work wonders, but YOU will also get the reward for praying for someone! by doing so, the angels will pray for you! but instead, it’s almost every comment section you open on a muslim video/post that there’s someone hating and judging as a way of ‘guiding’ someone. it is so heartbreaking. people have left islam. let that sink in. people have left the religion of Allah because someone decided to hate and judge them, rather than pray for their guidance and kindly advise them on the right path. what a thing to be held accountable for on the day of judgement! leading somebody astray! may Allah protect us all!

and now, i’m even seeing non-muslims hating on islam because they are seeing what muslims are saying to other muslims. instead of showing what the religion of Allah is like, what the community is like, we are turning people away and inviting people to be islamophobic. just because you thought you were guiding someone by being incredibly rude and disrespectful.

it’s also extremely arrogant. Allah has guided YOU and this is how you repay Him? YOU could have been that same person you are judging but instead Allah bestowed knowledge and guidance upon you, and you’re using that blessing to hate on other people. if you think someone can do better as a muslim, make a quick sincere du’a that Allah guides them on the right path and helps them stop doing that bad deed. and if you really want to speak to them, be. kind. you have no idea what people are going through in this life. maybe they are crying in the night because they really want to drop that bad deed and have zero hope, and your hate was the final straw to give up. have you not sinned in life? can you say right now to yourself, ‘if I die at this very second, I know that I am 100% going to jannatul firdous?’. if the answer is no, which it is, then understand that there are proper ways to advise people on the right path. we are not perfect human beings. we have all made mistakes in life. may Allah forgive us all. so understand that the next time you see someone who should be doing better in their deen and realise that the very fact that you can see a flaw in someone else means that you have been blessed with guidance and knowledge from the Gracious Allah. so use that blessing and guidance wisely and do not let it turn into a sin. do not end up sinning by hating on people and judging them so harshly by being rude on the internet or in real life and making people struggle even more with this bad deed or turn away completely as a result. this is not how our beloved Prophet ﷺ invited people to Islam, this is not how he advised people. he was the most kindest person and if we really want to be righteous, we need to follow the sunnah, follow in his footsteps. pray for the people you see that can be doing better so that your blessings increase and they can come closer to Allah and be guided. speak to them kindly. tell them respectfully why what they’re doing is wrong and kindly tell them what they can do to improve. relate your own experiences and struggles without exposing your own sins, explain things you do that help you. share useful resources to help them on their journey. start islamic pages on social media to share islamic guidance and advice. share verses from the Qur’an and kindly explain the interpretation and why Allah has made doing this good deed/abstaining from this bad deed obligatory and what benefits they have by following, what benefits they have on you. tell them that you understand that no one is perfect and that you merely mean to help them be a better muslim and see them in jannah. respectfully acknowledge that they could genuinely be struggling and make many many du’as and pray for them in your sujoods if you truly want them to be better. actually be a useful helping hand. and if you don’t want to do any of this, do not say anything at all and carry on with your day.

at the end of the day, Allah guides whomsoever He pleases to the right path (2:214). you can hate and judge all you want but at the end of the day, if Allah does not want to guide that person, they will not be guided—but where does that leave you? with more bad deeds because you weren’t kind to the creation and attempted to turn someone away from islam with your words, whether you intended to or not. we have rights upon each other. please. please be kind.

[atheneum-of-you]

Hi! I’m still sort of new to Hellenic Polytheism, and I’ve read your recent posts; I’m wondering, what even is a priestess when it comes to Hellenic Polytheism? Like, what do they do? I know it’s not a very popular religion/widespread/one that you see in the wild, so how would you go about day-to-day priestess-hood or becoming a priestess?

Thanks in advance, and much love to you,

Anon

Good question! I've been wanting to make a large post on priestesshood and I intend to soon but I think answering this question would be a great little introduction to the topic! Please keep in mind that this is my understanding of priestesshood and comes from my own research, I always encourage everyone to look into things themselves and double check their sources!

So modern-day priestesshood would honestly be quite different from how it was conducted in ancient Greece. Priestesshood was a station within hellenic temples that could be bought by well-off families or born into. This was during times when our gods' temples were still standing in all of their glory. Of course, now that isn't so much the case, but the religion has survived and adapted to the changes in time, and therefore, certain views and methods also change.

To become the priestess of a god is something I would consider a full time devotee. Someone whose life is tasked with acts of devotion in that god's name and honor. A priestess of Aphrodite might become one of her sacred whores, a priestess of Demeter may live rurally and grow crops to provide and offer, a priestess of Hades may become a death worker (PLEASE heavily research that topic itself if it is a path you choose as not everyone can become one and it is considered a closed practice by degrees) or a baneful worker, etc.

For me, being a priestess of Hermes would essentially be the equivalent of a mail carrier lmao! As Hermes is the messenger of the gods, so too would his underlings be tasked with delivering messages. This can include divination or receiving messages from him personally to deliver with or without context. This can also mean being a conduit for others to deliver their messages to their gods. Additionally, a priestess of Hermes would be someone that spreads knowledge and information freely to others, helps those that need it, etc. The point being, a priestess's duties would fall in line with their god's attributes.

Naturally, you don't need to be a priestess to perform these acts. You can simply do them as a devotee. The major divergence would be willful devotional acts, vs devotional duties. Priestesshood is a commitment to that god, to carry their name and carry out duties in their name. I hope that makes sense!

[stardustprompts]

the kingdom of copper  (  the daevabad trilogy book 2 )  -   s. a. chakraborty change tenses/pronouns as needed !!  some lines have been edited for clarity / length / ease of roleplaying     tw ;  death ,  violence ,  religion mention 

‘keep your sense of humor. you’re going to need it.’

‘you look like you’re about to be sick.’

‘you don’t look fine. you’re trembling.’

‘are you afraid of me?’

‘quite frankly, you terrify me and I wouldn’t mind staying on your good side.’

‘you’d be amazed by the things a person can do to survive.’

‘if I’ve not said it lately, I think I hate you.’

‘I find the idiotic rumors enjoyable.’

‘the ( ____ ) do not need a reason to be violent. it is their nature.’

‘you have the look of someone freshly scolded.’

‘I wish you would talk to me.’

‘I feel like I have no idea what goes on in your head.’

‘you have more walls up than a maze.’

‘I can always count on you to honestly insult me.’

‘nothing’s going to happen to you, I swear. I won’t let it, and I’m obnoxiously honorable about these things.’

‘affection is a weakness for people like us, a thing to be concealed from those who would harm us.’

‘a threat to a loved one is a more effective method of control than weeks of torture.’

‘your affections are yours. but do not let them be a weakness. in any way.’

‘I don’t trust you. I don’t trust myself with you.’

‘that’s not a weakness i intent to let drag me down.’

‘you should be proud. not many people can outwit me, but you? you had me believing you were my friend until the very end.’

‘is this enough for you, then? you’ve intruded upon my privacy to dredge up the worst night of my life. is there anything else?’

‘liar. oh, do you not like being called a liar?’

‘I want to go home.’

‘you don’t need to be a weapon to be an asset.’

‘I know you don’t trust me. I know we have our differences. but this? this goes beyond all that. I need you to tell me the truth.’

‘I reward loyalty—- I don’t terrorize people into it.’

‘i’ll not forget what you did tonight.’

‘whether or not I need to know more was not your decision to make.’

‘I need at least one person I can trust, one person who will tell me the truth no matter what.’

‘it breaks my heart when I remember the man you used to be.’

‘I didn’t mean it like that. I only meant that I wouldn’t have blamed you for wanting me dead.’

‘wanting you dead and actually killing you are very different things. and I’m no murderer.’

‘i’m no murderer.’

‘glad to know you’re just as brutal when you’re being honest as you are when lying.’

‘I couldn’t take that risk. you’re not the only one with a duty.’

‘surely you can lie better than that.’

‘why are you looking at me like that? it is alarming.’

‘you owe me a debt. I don’t intend to let it go unpaid.’

‘a partnership founded in deceit is no partnership at all.’

‘I would not wish to lie and bring you into danger unwarned.’

‘saving a life and taking one are very different matters.’

‘I don’t think (name) will ever look at me the same way again. I don’t think anyone will.’

‘I wish I could tell you that it becomes easier.’

‘I suppose our reputations are small prices to pay if it means our people will be safe.’

‘grief clouds the mind, makes people say terrible things.’

‘does it get easier?’

‘you will make us monsters.’

‘you will make us monsters. that is what we are if you let this happen… and that’s not a reputation you’ll ever lose.’

‘then we will be monsters.’

‘then we will be monsters. I will pay that price to end this war.’

‘you do know that most people sleep at night, yes?’

‘you know nothing about me.’

‘it’s such a monumentally absurd story—- even for you—- to concoct that I’m assuming there’s a chance it’s the truth.’

‘there are always people to save. and always cunning men and women around who find a way to take advantage of that duty and harness it into power.’

‘are you asking questions now? I thought all you did was obey.’

‘you would make for a better companion if you were clever.’

‘i’m sick and tired of acting like the only way to save our people is to cut down all who might oppose us, as if our enemies won’t return the favor the instant power shifts.’

‘I suppose I’ve forgotten there are situations for which kindness is the most powerful weapon.’

‘i’m so tired of this. all this plotting and scheming just to keep breathing. it feels like I’m treading water … and, god, do I want to rest.’

‘I think that’s the nicest thing you’ve ever said to me.’

‘you’ll always owe me. I have a talent for extending the debts of powerful people indefinitely.’

‘you can’t fight him. he is capable of things you can’t imagine. he’ll destroy you.’

‘go and steal some happiness for yourself. trust me when I say the chance doesn’t always come back.’

‘oh, do you not enjoy being embarrassed? that’s odd, as you don’t seem to mind doing it to me.’

‘what do you know about grief? who have you lost, (name)?’

‘who have you lost? whose died in your arms? who have you begged to come back, to look at you one last time?’

‘I almost believed it, you know? your act.’

‘don’t you fucking die, (name).’

‘are you going to stick a dagger in my back and run off the moment I tell you?’

‘can we try being on the same side for one night?’

‘can we fight about this later?’

‘I should have been here. this is all my fault.’

‘I promise you—- you’re safe now.’

‘I know what it’s like to have ambitions, to be the cleverest in the room— and have those ambitions crushed.’

‘I know what it’s like to have men who are less than you bully and threaten you into a place you know you don’t belong.’

‘the things I could teach you; you’d be a goddess. you’d never have to lower your head again.’

[astroyongie]

Can you do a short birth chart analysis for changkyun the same way you did for jungkook,since we know his ascendant and house placements.

I’m sure you know already but in case you don’t he was born 1:43 am which makes him a scorpio rising in the 2nd decan so his chart is

aqua sun in the 3rd

aries moon in 5th

cap mercury in 3rd

pisces venus in 4th

and aqua mars in 3rd

and also cap jupiter in 2nd

pisces saturn in 4th

and sag pluto in 1st house

Changkyun Birth Chart Report

Pluto 1st house Sagittarius: his persona isn't stable, Changkyun is the type that is in constant try of changing himself despite saying that he is okay with his life. He goes from being happy and sociable with people to ghosting them one week after. He is also evolving and changing is opinions and his friends

Capricorn 2nd Jupiter: He is someone very sensitive despite not showing it to the world. He tries his best to focus and to hide his feelings. Changkyun possesses a lot of insight and intuition that is often put under the mug due to his overthinking

Capricorn 3rd Mercury: He is very goal and work-oriented, his mind is always focusing and thinking about work, about what needs to be done and what he has yet to due. He is a rational person too, he doesn't like to be involved with emotions despite himself being a huge sensitive in heart.

Sun Aquarius 3rd: To be honest his work and his public figure are his personality, meaning that if you strip him of his idol persona he is nothing, he won't be able to find himself. He has his own structure around the character he built and the person he wants to show to others. That doesn't mean he is fake since his idol persona is still him on a version he wishes people to know him for

Mars Aquarius 3rd: Again the fact that he has so may placements around his 3rd house really shows to which point this man is very focused on what matters. He wants to be different, he doesn't want to be mainstream, he wants to be "that guy" the one that is different, unique unconventional. Changkyun wants to shock as much as he wants to attract

Uranus Aquarius 3rd: Always in constant change like I said earlier, he really isn't able to keep one moral or value for long, he is always changing to try and develop his character.

Neptune Capricorn 3rd: Changkyun is someone that suffers in silence, someone that thinks and overthinks a lot about things and yet he always pretends to have everything under control by controlling his environment. but honestly inside his mind, it's a jesus help.

Venus pisces 4th: Despite all of that he is lighthearted, he is someone who wants to love, to be loved, to have his own kids and family yet his dreams are so out of touch that is very complicated for him to stick to realistic goals that he can reach.He is also very very romantic

Moon Aries 5th: He is a creative mind, passionate. Everything he does he does it with his heart, with his raw emotions. He wants t be true to himself by doing things that have his personality and his own way to be. so per example, his songs are really very deep and connect to his soul.

empty 6th Aries: He has a lot of health complications with his placement, mostly he gets easily toothache for example, headaches, and burns his tongue frequently. He is prone to head diseases. he also gets easily bored with things

Empty 7th Taurus: Changkyun has huge committing issues when it comes to relationships, he loves too raw, gets possessive and jealous too easily, he never rusts his partner 100% because for him there are always things the person can do to hurt him

Empty 8th Gemini: he can gaslight people to get what he wants, despite his true nature, Changkyun also knows how to be a "fake bitch" to hurt and to get things from people. Also this usually comes out during self-destructive moments when he is drunk for example.

Empty 9th Cancer: He has little faith in things. Like he belives there is the greater good, yet he gets easily into that state where blaming a god or a religion for his bad karma.

Empty 10th Leo: Again, the only bad thing about this is that he always has to pretend to be someone he isn't at work. Also Changkyuncan be a little arrogant and egoistic, putting himself on a pedestal when it comes to his talents.

Empty 11th Virgo: He has a hard time making friends and keeping them since people get easily tired of him and also they don't like the fact that he can easily get judgemental and cold toward people.

Empty 12th Libra: Terrible dealing with stress, with anxiety or depression or any type of negative emotion. Whenever he isn't well mentally, Changkyun gets overly dependent of the people he loves or he completely removes them from his life

[nicromancytarot]

Hey! How are you? Thank you for answering my ask if you’re reading this 🫶🏽

I am ZD and I wish for my fs to have my same values. Being open minded and accepting to LGBTQ, religions, cultures, etc.

I wanted to ask for any messages from my fs and I’m comfortable with any 18+ messages that may come through. Thank you ahead of time! 🩵

Unfortunately since your age was not specified, I cannot fulfil the 18+ side of things (sorry for the inconvenience), but here’s everything else!

THEIR OPINIONS AND BELIEFS:

Firstly, I felt the need to read a little deeper into their understanding and beliefs for LGBTQ+ and I honestly just got that they don’t care for it, not in a close-minded way, but more of the fact that they just see people as people, disregarding the labels one decides to identify by. I also got that this could be a gay marriage or they may just be very supportive of gay marriages.

Their personality is very open-minded when it comes to these things, I see that they like to talk about their opinions on a lot of things, and they enjoy even debating about it with you sometimes, like if you guys happen to have head-butting opinions, they will enjoy having a debate with you about it, not an argument, just debate.

They can come off a little pretentious at times, but they don’t mean to, it’s just that they are very stubborn in life and they always believe they are in the right, this isn’t something to be worried about though because I notice that you can teach them another perspective and they will be interested in it and it may even change their opinion on a topic.

A weird thing I got was that they are fine with having contradicting opinions with themself, it’s like they enjoy playing devils advocate in their own mind and it’s somewhat entertaining to them.

CHANNELLED MESSAGE:

They see that you may currently be going through a difficult time in your life, you are holding onto someone or something that is not good for you and they wish for you to let go, they also mention the need for you to branch out and meet new people outside of your own community, making more friends could be very good for you, it could also be from friends, that you two meet.

They mention that you need to use your intuition and gut feelings when it comes to what’s right for you, you seem to be blinded by this picture perfect idea in your head about something, and you need to start looking around to see how your environment or the people in it are affecting you.

They focus highly on a need for you to learn to balance your feminine and masculine qualities, I honestly see you’re already quite feminine (maybe even just mentally) and they are saying you need to start balancing your masculine qualities and mentally with it too.

They can’t wait to be with you, they say the quicker you work on these things, the quicker they can come to you.

[trumpetnista]

CMW2/Trumpetnista: Foil

Summary from FFN: FERAL-VERSE VERSION OF THE SERIES FINALE: After months of misery, Jeremiah FINALLY throws down the gauntlet and everyone is more than ready to end his reign of terror. Selina has been re-evaluating her life decisions and has decided to change, leading to the peace and joy she deserves;Rated for language, GOTHAM typical action/gore, and BatCat lovemaking;1st in my 2025 SSS Project

Words from the Hooded GOTHAMITE: Good Aftenoon and Happy New Year, everyone! It has been a very long time since I've done anything fandom related consistently and there are legitimate reasons why. The full story is under my personal tag but here's the synopsis: In late 2020-early 2021, I accepted the religion that I grew up with (Jehovah's Witnesses) was a Cult so I've been in the process of deprogramming and discovering myself. In mid-September 2022, I had a psychotic break that led to an 8-10 day hospitalization and more importantly, my Bipolar 1 diagnosis.

In August 2023, I lost my father due to congestive heart failure coupled with nursing home neglect and my mother is currently dealing with being a widow along with her own growing stack of medical/mental issues that she refuses to go to a nursing home for. 

My fibromyalgia has changed in an awful way, which means I'll likely have to go in for more surgeries to deal with it, along with handling the ongoing healing of my dominant left wrist and hand from surgery to deal with Kienbock's Disease. I've recently been diagnosed with arthritis in my ribcage but thankfully, my change in diet and lifestyle is compatible with keeping it in check, as well as more surgeries.

With all of that being said, I want and need to do something that brings me joy and that I have full control over. Writing has always been a part of my life, one of my greatest joys, and I want to get back to it. 

Thank you so much for your patience.

The show may be over but my love for it is far from over. GOTHAM has so many characters, so many ideas that deserve more exploration and my Emo kids turned Emo adults may have ended on a hopeful note but the trashy shipper part of me wants better for them.  

I still plan on writing them getting turnt together and I’ve finally settled on an idea for the sequel to Positive but this idea won’t leave me alone. We’ll be returning to the Feral-verse here. It’s one of my favorite AUs. 

I absolutely fucking despise Harley and Joker’s “relationship”. I always have and I always will but none of the versions were more offensive to me than Jeremiah and Ecco’s. It just...y’all know the meme: “DISGUSTENG”? Yeah. I was more than happy to see her die (Spoilers. Apologies.) but it also made me wonder what would’ve happened if someone actually called out the “relationship” for the toxic bullshit it was. Who better than Selina Kyle? Of course, BatCat will be serving as an imperfectly perfect foil to their nonsense (hence the title...I love making connections like that. It’s one of writing’s joys) and honestly, this fic is just an excuse to bash the life ruining circus freak and write BatCat action plot with porn with healthy communication for flavor.

Also, this fic is gonna go deep into Selina’s head. With everything that’s happened to her and the city, she’s come to some conclusions, conclusions that could (and will) change her life for the better, not just between her and Bruce but in general. I want my Grumpy Cat to have joy and as much peace as the world will allow. She deserves the whole world. She really does. 

Disclaimer: “Honestly, it’s not mine!”

 "Hi, Selina Kyle!"

"...hello...you okay in there?"

"Uh-huh. Everyone here has treated me real nice. I thought they'd be mean but nope."

"Good."

"Can you chat for a while? I'm sooo bored and there are hardly any girls around..."

"Sure, just as long as you keep in mind that if you try to pull a Move on me, you'll have more holes in you than swiss cheese before you can blink."

"Fair enough...so, are you gonna cook me before you eat me or am I gonna be sushi? I love sushi...man, I miss sushi so much. I'd cut someone's pinky toe off for some sashimi right now..."

"Why the hell would I eat you?"

"Because you're a Cutie Cannibal, Curls. The scared little bunnies told me and Daddy all about you before he made them go bye-bye. You ripped Wet Willie's throat out and made them bring it home to us. Lil' Bitch Baby Penguin, Crazy Widow Barbie, Raggedy Andrew, The Song of Ice and Fire Blasters, even Jimmy the Gent watching us over yonder with his loyal posse of fellow do-gooders...they're the Big Giant Heads of this city yet they're all scared shitless of little ol' you. You don't see it?"

"I see it every day but I don't care."

"You don't?"

"Nope."

"How come?"

"None of them matter to me. Okay, Gordon, Bullock, and Barbara do because they're Squad but the rest of them can fuck right off. We'd be better off if they died or left town and never came back."

"Weren't you and The Fire Blaster besties back in the way day?"

"Yeah...The Plant Witch, too but they went their ways and I went mine. It is what it is. Good times or not, when they pull a Move on me and mine again? I'll stomp them like roaches."

"Harsh."

"Yeah, but better them than me and mine."

"...I know a secret about you, Selina Kyle. Wanna hear it?"

"Sure. Why not?"

"Bruce Wayne matters more to you than anybody else in the whole wide world. Oh, you put on a good show of being a cold hard bitch but anyone smart can see right through it. You lurve him. I mean, c'mon. You moved out of Haven to live in sin with him in his lovely little townhouse and big beautiful Manor. You made peace with his manservant and now you're like a daughter to him. You and Brucie run around every day with the coppers, still trying to save the sinking ship and all the sad little rats trapped inside of it. He tells you all his secrets and you tell him most of yours. You're giving him your milk and cookies whenever he wants 'em and you even took a naughty little bullet for him. Mr. J thought that when he shot you down that it'd change everything between him and Brucie for the best. His crazy sexy cool buddy Ra's said that it would before he went up in smoke with the Bridges. Mr. J thought that they'd be best friends and brothers forever because you would be out of the way but instead, capping you ruined just about everything and he's mad about it. Super-duper mad..."

"I can tell. Did he put those fingerprints on your arms? The shiner around your eye?"

"I like it rough, Puddin'. You should give it a try. Get some pretty marks of your own."

"Don't call me Puddin'. Your marks aren't pretty and they're not from liking it rough. They're from your boyfriend being an abusive mouth breathing shithead."

"Well, that's just mean!"

"Not as mean as he is to you. Anyone who thinks it's okay to treat their partner like a punching bag is disgusting and deserves to die in a fire. Period."

"...so me-an...you're not looking at the big picture...you don't know him like I do..."

"I wish I didn't know him at all but alas, poor goddamned Yorick. You do realize that he doesn't really love or care about you, right? If you dropped dead right in front of him, he would just go find someone else. He wouldn't even have a real funeral for you. You're nothing but another sucker that's willing to do his dirty work for him. You're 3 holes for him to bust a fat nut in and that's it. You ain't shit to him and you don't see it. I feel really bad for you."

"Ohhh, grumpy baby alley cat's all of a sudden an expert on true love? You think you can judge us? What do you think is gonna happen with Wet Blanket Brucie down the line? Do you really think you're gonna live happily ever after? You're gonna go around the world with him and be his bodyguard and let him do you in any boardroom he wants? You're gonna marry him? You're gonna be the Lady of Wayne Manor and start popping out his ugly little bouncing billionaire brats? You're gonna be the Queen Bee MILF and make mango mimosas to wash down the magic brownies for your book club on the weekends? Is that what you want from him? That's your dream life?"

"If he's down, fuck yeah. After all the shit we've been through, being together like that until we get dead is a great idea. It'd be fun as hell and our bouncing little billionaire brats would be absolutely fucking precious, thank you very much! I mean, they'll definitely get stuck with my hair and his nose but still..."

"Huh. Well, you just talked so bad about Mr. J but seriously? It's Bruce Wayne, as in Wayne. He could be with any broad he wants. He could drop you like a bad habit any minute now."

"He could but he won't. I'm it for him and it goes both ways."

"You sure about that, pussy-cat?"

"More than anything."

"...you really think you're so special to him? You think that you're his whole world?"

"I know I am because when it counts the most? He shows me. What's yours shown you?"

"The Truth."

"The Truth about what? Insanity?"

"No! Gotham. People. Life. I'm free!"

"Says the broad who's sitting in a cage and is gonna get deep fried at worst or locked in a padded closet at best. Ecco, that bastard hasn't shown you anything but how to completely ruin your life but he'll send someone to come get you eventually. It won't be for love, though. Unh-uh. He'll do it because it'll keep you under his thumb. He'll do it because he knows that if you ever woke up and saw that The Emperor's buck ass nude? He'd be done for. If you were smart, you'd get rid of his bitch ass and run The Dark Zone by yourself. It'd be easy. I mean, all you'd have to do is feed him a good meal, liquor him up, give him the best fuck of his life and then as soon as he falls asleep? Use a shiv to draw a big smile across his throat and let him drown. Then, you'd really be free and what's left of the gene pool would be saved, if you're not pregnant already. Wait, are you? Do you need a piss test? That's one of the few things we've got a ton of..."

"Not yet, sweetums but hopefully down the line..."

"Hopefully never. There have been enough Valeskas. The world and what's left of this place doesn't need another one running around. Did his brother really shoot you in the fucking head?"

"He sure did...and the naughty little bullet's still in there rattling around today. Watch!"

"...your guy isn't worth a pot to piss in but mine is. B isn't perfect but at the end of the day, I'm sticking with him because he's a good person with a good heart, even after all the shitty things and people that have happened to him. There is nothing good left inside of Jeremiah, if there was really any to begin with. I doubt it. He's a mad dog so do yourself and everybody else around here a favor? End it with him and kill him before he kills you. Seriously.”

//////////////////////////

"I knew a lot of folks like her back in the day. They were so hurt and lonely that they'd latch on to the first person that paid them any attention. 9 times out of 10? They would end up in the Shelters and eventually on The Hoe Stroll. A few of them even went missing...and it wasn't always men hurting girls. Sometimes, it would be a woman who'd take a boy in and I just...I had to try."

"I understand. Maybe Ecco will take your words to heart."

"Nah. She's too far gone. She's gonna stick with him to the bitter end and it sucks. It would've been awesome poetic justice if she was the one who did him in but I guess it'll have to be me."

"No."

"Jeremiah's a sick fuck, Bruce. You know that better than anyone around here. You saw how far he's willing to go to get what he wants so how the hell else are we supposed to deal with him?"

"He shouldn't just die. He needs to stand trial for everything he's done."

"All putting his guilty ass in a courtroom will do is give him a chance to blow it up."

"Selina..."

"Okay, fine. Let's say that the trial gets done without another mass murder or bombs going off...where is he supposed to go after it? Blackgate can't hold him. Arkham will just make him worse and give him more idiots to use as fodder when he breaks out. Even if the Feds take him far away from here, he'll bust out and do the same twisted shit or he'll be on Death Row getting 3 hots and a cot for 50 years before he rides the lightning down to hell. He's the reason why this city and everyone in it is fucked so he needs to die sooner rather than later."

"I agree but that doesn't mean that his executioner has to be you."

"Are you sure about that?"

"...it shouldn't have to be you."

"Well, somebody else better step the fuck up soon because I'm tired of him hurting people!"

"So am I."

It had dawned on Selina Kyle during her chat with Ecco that someone was funneling information to The Dark Zone, far more than what was coming out. On the surface, all was calm. Those who managed to get to The Green Zone told a different story. People were being tortured and killed just for the thrill of it. Supplies were strictly rationed out, tied to a system of credits. The credits were earned by causing mayhem or through hard labor.

Smaller gangs roamed the Zone's streets like packs of wild animals: fighting, partying, looting, and fucking nonstop. Jeremiah's stronghold held the biggest number of people. It was the center of the action. A select few were fanatically devoted to him like Ecco. Unfortunately, the place was mainly housing people caught in the middle, just like the ones who had escaped from Penguin's City Hall stronghold and Zone.

They were in a far worse situation and needed to be rescued. Valeska was counting on it happening. He would have all sorts of SAW traps ready to make things harder for everyone. He had been ignored for too long and Selina had thrown down a very public, very bloody gauntlet when she did what she did at Haven.

Jeremiah was looking for a grand Show Stopping Number. He wanted to be the Star of the Show and he would get his wish. People like Jim Gordon wouldn't let the shitty situation stand for much longer. They couldn't. After all, they were do-gooders and stalwart heroes. Their noble work was never done. Plus, nobody deserved to be trapped with a leisure suit wearing off brand Jim Jones with a fetish for domestic terrorism.

Not to mention that everybody, even those who initially benefited from The Bridges Falling, hated the dumb fuck for making it happen with help from Ra-men Noodle Soup.

Mercifully, that twisted bastard was very much dead and would stay that way. The Knife had done him in just before the bombs blew. Barbara had grabbed Bruce and used him to ram the enchanted blade straight into where the man's heart would have been if he had one. After slaughtering all the men, Ra's Al Gul's female followers had pledged their allegiance to her, giving her a devoted Amazon Army, but the damage was done.

Destroying the bridges ruined everything for everyone. Initially, it had been like Criminal Christmas but now, it was after New Year's and everyone was hungover and depressed.

Yes, the bad guys finally got their glorious victory but at what cost? Ruling Gotham didn't mean anything if supplies couldn't come into the city. Ruling Gotham didn't mean anything if the people they wanted to take advantage of inside of it died or rioted before they could. Fresh and packaged food, clean drinking water, safe places to sleep, medicine, ammo, clothes, booze, drugs...everything was running low. There was only so much that could be done before the situation got even worse.

They were running out of options and most dangerously, they were running out of hope.

Selina knew all too well what a lack of hope caused and she didn't want to see it happen again.

Salvation lay in Reunification with the mainland.

No matter what side of the law you were on, no matter what Zone or Turf you lived in, if one had an ounce of sanity left, they prayed to whoever and whatever they believed in for Reunification.

The government was doing everything to avoid making it happen, citing the ongoing danger.

Jeremiah Valeska was hands down the biggest problem keeping help away. If the impending rescue mission went well? If everyone in the city pooled resources and teamed up to take the circus freak's cult down for good afterwards? If they could show proof of Jeremiah's death or proof that he'd never be a major threat again like Sofia Falcone? It would eliminate lots of, if not all of the excuses and red tape. The few good people left in the government plus volunteers from all over the world could step up and come through. Then, they could all work together to rebuild and make the city better than ever.

They could heal and things could finally get back to as normal as Gotham would allow.

Despite getting out of their bed, Bruce hadn't joined her on the window seat and she knew why.

Ecco knew way too much about their relationship to be guessing. That meant that there was at least one spy inside the GCPD, Haven, and a bunch of snitches looking for street cred lurking about. Looking down, the night was dark and still. However, that didn't mean that they were alone. Yes, the 5 blocks around the townhouse were virtually deserted but there were lots of hiding places. Breaking into a house was child's play and spy cameras were better than ever. Valeska had been a brilliant scientist and engineer like Lucius Fox before he lost his marbles. If he really wanted to see and hear them living their lives?

"...let's give them something to talk about. They want to watch us? Fine. I don't give a shit about them and you shouldn't either because none of them matter. We do. We're good and he can't take that away from us. I won't let him."

Over the years, Selina had made the common mistake of equating femininity with weakness. She was a kid and later a woman on Gotham's mean streets. There was no room to be soft. There was no time to be weak and really, if she had a choice between swiping a carton of milk or a tube of lip gloss? It would be the carton of milk every time. She had to be practical. She had to be strong at all times...but that way of thinking was wrong. Selina was strong and badass no matter what she wore or stole. Nothing was stopping her from being soft yet strong except for her own bullshit. Having come to that realization, she had started making slow but permanent changes.

Soft fabrics and textures, brighter colors, makeup and nail polish...Selina had always appreciated pretty things. If she wasn't stealing basic things for survival, she would take jewelry, particularly diamonds. Nowadays, she indulged that side of her through her loungewear. She still wore Bruce's clothes but mainly, she donned nightgowns and robes when at rest. The robes were soft and warm, some even having deep enough pockets to hold multiple weapons. Her nightgowns ranged from hip to floor length. They had lace detail, pearl buttons, and satin bows to be tied or untied. Some of the gowns were thick, preserving her modesty and others were silky sheer, leaving very little to the imagination.

Selina had also started putting her hair up again. As wild as her curls had become, it was the only option other than a buzz cut. She was sure that she would look great with short hair but she wasn't brave enough to reach for the clippers yet. Her hair being up most of the time meant that she had a growing collection of pins, brooches, clips, and barrettes. Her favorites were a gift from Bruce. The large pins were platinum with raised cat's paw black diamond detail. Where and how he had gotten ahold of them was anyone's guess but she adored them. They were strong enough to keep her mane under wraps without pain. They doubled as lock picks and in a pinch, they could be weapons. They probably wouldn't slit a throat but when she went for the eyes?

Before Bruce could get settled, Selina was already invading and annexing his personal space.

He laughed at her audacity and laid back, happily letting her use him as a mattress.

Bruce was warm and smelled like safety. He had run out of his toiletries and while she did miss the spiced pine, he still smelled like home. His lips pressed against her temple and Selina hid her face in his chest. The full moon was bright in the smoggy skies and they were as safe as Gotham allowed them to be at the moment.

When times of peace came, it was best to grab onto them with both hands. How and why Bruce saw her as a part of his peace confused her to no end but Selina felt the same way about him.

That feeling of peace also added to her protectiveness over him.

People were always trying to take him away. They were jealous of his high social status, angry at him for interfering with whatever questionable and illegal stuff they did, or just plain nuts.

They wanted him dead and gone. They wanted him maimed and they desperately wanted to bring him down to their level to break him beyond repair. Bruce hadn't given in to any of them. He had made mistakes but he was still good to the bone. He genuinely wanted to be a good person and he wouldn't give up his light without a fight to the end. If Selina had a say in the matter, she would be fighting right by his side.

Bruce being Bruce would try to stop her but she would shut that shit down with prejudice. She did what she wanted whenever she wanted. Nobody could tell her what to do. No matter what happened, at the end of the day, they were in it together. She and Bruce were their best selves together. They could take on the biggest threats and win, even when one or both of them got hurt. Even at her angriest at him and vice versa, when it counted the most, they were a team.

No, they were a family.

"...everything you said to Ecco about our possible future earlier...did you mean it?"

"Yeah."

"How long have you felt that way?"

"A while. I just...I figure that if I'm gonna be happy down the road, like legit happy? Then, you're in the mix and if I wasn't serious about us sticking together, then I wouldn't be here with you right now. Does that make sense?"

"It does."

It was hard for her to trust. It was even harder for her to talk about her feelings but Selina wanted things to be crystal clear. Most of the problems between her and Bruce started with a misunderstanding. Not only that but Selina had seen what happened with other couples when they weren't honest with each other about themselves. It led to drama and all sorts of heartbreak that she didn't want either of them to feel again.

Outside of her relationship with Bruce, Selina didn't want to wake up 10, 20 years from now and have nothing to really show for her life but regret. She needed to change her ways and mean it.

Many would call her wrong to change. They would say that she was being stupid and weak.

She wasn't. She had thought long and hard about it.

Being trapped in that damned hospital bed gave her plenty of time to mull over her options.

At the time, the only endgame she saw and wanted for her future was death. She was a cripple, a burden, and she wanted out. It was no less than what she deserved, she figured. She had been playing Russian Roulette with her life for years and the bullet had finally been in the chamber.

Selina had given up and had expected everyone else to do the same. That hadn't happened and against all odds, she got another chance. She had been knocked down but not out.

Bruce had gone into the belly of Ivy Pepper III's poisonous plant covered beast to get help for her. He had stood up to a very angry, witch hunting mob and to Ivy herself more than once. He had risked life, limb, and what precious little sanity he had left just for her. The Root had fixed her spine and Selina was back on her feet almost immediately. She could stand, walk, run, and jump again. She was stronger than before, faster than before, smarter than before and she could do anything without feeling awful burning, numbing pain. Her dreamy words to Bruce before they embraced each other were absolute truth: she was better, better than ever before.

With her new abilities, Selina could become the undisputed Queen of Gotham's Underground. Either that or she could be a top tier Thief for Hire, taking on Jobs and pocketing big bucks.

Choosing either of those paths would set her up for failure.

They would make for a hollow and sad life, filled with nothing but danger and stress.

She would spend the rest of her life looking over her shoulder for the cops or the Feds. She wouldn't have any true friends or family anymore. She would end up murdered in a street war. She would get hurt worse than when Five shoved her through the window and when Jeremiah shot her combined. The best outcome for her if she kept going as she was would be Exile, never able to set foot in Gotham again out of fear of rotting in a prison cell or bullet to the head.

She didn't want that.

Selina had witnessed the Rise and Fall of many of Gotham's rulers, people who seemed to be indestructible. Those people ended up locked in a cage, on the run, and dying violently. Not only did they end up betrayed and dead, their downfall always came about because of someone they trusted. Either someone they trusted or someone they underestimated. Mainly, their end came from someone that they had fucked over and didn't kill or make amends with afterwards.

Selina wasn't sure what she was going to do with her life next. She had been a Thief for almost as long as she could remember but enough was enough. It truly was.

She had messed up a lot. She had been selfish, bitchy, and lost good friends. She had backed the wrong players in Turf wars, leading to people dying and getting hurt who didn't deserve it. She had hurt people who cared about her and honestly, there was only so much dumb/good luck left in the world for her. She had gotten more than her fair share of it.

It was time to straighten up and fly right before it was too late.

Selina only had 7 of her 9 lives left and she would be damned if she wasted them.

/

8 Days Later...

"I thought you'd be Jim."

"Yeah, me too but he's got his hands full with Lee right now."

"That better be fucking literally. The woman risked it all to get herself and those kids away from those tunneling psychos because she believes in him: not the GCPD, not the government, but him. Even after all the bad things that happened between them, she did that shit so he needs to take his head out of his ass and be with her forever. He's never gonna do any better and as awesome as Lee is, she won't either. They're it for each other. They tried to pretend that they weren't and made things bad for themselves and everybody around them. They can't get a do-over but they can move forward and they should. They'll have to work their asses off for it but it's doable. They're good together so they need to stop being dumb and start being happy before it's too late."

"...you ever consider writing an advice column? You'd make a killing."

"Anything's possible. Wanna come up?"

"Nah. I've had my fill of roof ledges and of being hypnotized. I should've shot that twisted little rhyming freak in the face when I had the chance."

"You'll get another one real soon. Tetch always follows the craziest ones and ain't nobody in town crazier than Valeska, not even Barbara, which is what you're here to talk to me about."

"Yeah."

"...when he tries to kill B and Lurch again, I'm gonna do what I gotta do to protect them but we're going to The Dark Zone to save people and to take as much loot that we can carry with us. I can keep my cool."

"Are you sure?"

"Mm-hm. I'm not gonna let him win, Harvey. It's part of my whole "know better, do better" Master Plan...plus, I don't wanna end up like Tabby. She let revenge get in the way, dropped her guard, and now she's Gone. I mean, she, her brother, and Butch did some fucked up shit to Penguin and his mom that definitely needed to be paid for with blood but she still didn't deserve to die like that. She should've had a fair fight. Yeah, he would've got her in the end but he'd be dead too so it would've balanced out, y'know?"

"Yeah...speaking of keeping things balanced, could you get down from there?"

"But why, though? Am I making you uncomfortable?"

Giggling, Selina did two flips in quick succession before rising up on her steel clawed fingertips.

"Knock it off! See, this is why I hopefully don't have kids..."

The Twelfth Precinct was a buzzing hub of activity. At midnight, a trio of emaciated children had shown up in the lobby with haunted eyes. None of them had said a word but a note had been pinned to one of their dingy red and white striped shirts. Letters from various magazines had been glued to the yellow legal pad paper, spelling out the words COME SEE ME. I'M BORED. Underneath was a picture of a deranged clown's grin in purple Sharpie, surrounded by laughter written in blood. Whose blood the HAs had been printed in was a mystery but the message was clear: Valeska was more than ready for his closeup.

At least the bastard had the decency to throw down his gauntlet before winter arrived. It was going to be hard enough getting everyone in and out of The Dark Zone alive. The last thing they needed was someone to slip on some ice or for a blizzard to be going on, too. Maybe if things went well, the government would take their heads out of their asses before Christmas.

After downing the last of her water, Selina went towards the file room. There was a loose vent cover and she could fit into the surprisingly clean air ducts with ease. The Twelfth's basement had a boxing gym inside of it and Bruce was down there preparing for the raid. She wanted to make sure that he was okay but also didn't want to break his focus.

He needed to be at 110%.

Jeremiah wouldn't go down without a fight nor would he go down without a one on one confrontation with Bruce. It just wasn't in his nature. It wasn't in not so dearly departed his evil twin Jerome's either. Everything they did had to be dramatic. Everything had to be big, loud and the more bloodshed, the better.

God, Selina was looking forward to him being gone for good.

The world would be better off without him and his followers running around. Jeremiah being gone meant that there would be one less demented asshole trying to hurt or kill Bruce. That was always good in her book...

Getting to her destination, Selina stretched before replacing the vent cover. The basement locker room was co-op but only slightly bigger than the ones upstairs. It was used for storage mainly but people could still get a quick, lukewarm shower or a nap if they needed to. Years of practice kept her light on her feet and she sat down on the bench in front of the first row of gray lockers. The room was dark but the gym's overhead lights shone through the exit's frosted glass window, highlighting all the shadows.

"...you're worried."

"I'm not just worried. I'm terrified. I don't want her within a mile of him but Selina is one of the best fighters we have, if not the best. Plus, if I tried to tell her to stay here, she would not only come with us anyway but she would literally whip my ass for bossing her around outside of our bedroom. No, thank you."

"Smart man. Selina's not going to risk her life without a good reason. She never does."

"I know and she's right. Jeremiah needs to be stopped for good. His death is the only way that we can be sure that he and his followers don't hurt anyone else, at least for a little while."

"But?"

"...I don't want her to be like I was after killing Ra's. She's already been through so much and I don't...I know that she's killed before. I know that but it's different this time, Alfred. Everything is different now and I can't lose her. Not her, too."

"You won't lose her."

"How do you know?"

"Faith."

Faith was another concept that Selina had trouble coming to terms with. The nuns at the orphanage had spoken about it all the time, as had the priests during the sermons she had attended. Street kids called it Sermons for Supper because after every service, there would be a hot meal and supplies from a food bank offered to them.

Faith was held up as the key to ultimate happiness and salvation, which she believed to a point but at the end of the day? The only faith Selina had was faith in herself.

Putting faith in others was a risk that usually wasn't worth it. It was just another way to get fucked over and heartbroken. Maria had taught her that lesson. Her interactions with Gotham's Rulers and her Squad had been a harsh teacher, too. Don't put faith in anyone for more than a few minutes at a time. Any longer and things would go wrong.

That was Rule Number 2.

Rule Number 1 was to Look Out for #1.

But Alfred had faith in her now. Gordon and the other cops did, too and Bruce? Bruce thought the fucking world of her. He really did and Selina just didn't get it. What did he see that she didn't? What did the others see that she didn't? She really should ask them one day but honestly, Selina was afraid of what they'd say. Another Rule of survival was to make sure that no one had any expectations of her outside of the bare minimum. She had broken it before.

Hell, she was shattering it now.

She had chosen a side and was open about said loyalty. Before, Selina kept her options open and made sure that everyone knew she was going to save her skin first, no matter what happened. Now, she had cut off all ways to make a clean break from everyone around her and more importantly, she didn't want to. Selina wouldn't be any better off if she left Gotham behind nor would anyone else. She would miss her family so fucking much and they would miss her too because she mattered to them.

Selina mattered to people as herself now.

Not as an elite Thief, not as a glorified Errand Girl, just herself.

Would she ever get used to that?

Deciding to save the rest of her existential crisis for later, Selina joined them in the gym. Bruce was sitting on the staircase, head bowed. He looked as if the world was resting on his shoulders. Alfred had his pistol up but as soon as he saw that it was her, he lowered it immediately.

The relief in the man's body language said it all and Selina nodded, removing her jacket.

"I got him."

"Are you sure?"

"Yeah. Jim was looking for you. He says he wants you to team up with the Sniper Squad."

The ball was in her court now. Bruce was expecting her to make the first move and Selina wasn't about to disappoint him. However, she was going to do it differently. That was another part of her new lifestyle: being unpredictable in good ways. Also, Bruce was in a very dark place at the moment so her usual methods would shut him down. She didn't want that. Neither of them needed that. Soon, they would be facing the monster in the closet head on. If they weren't at their best, Jeremiah would run roughshod over both of them and Selina would be damned if she let that happen.

The asshole had won his battles but he wasn't going to win the war.

In a smooth motion, Selina had her bull whip unfurled. The tip of it hit the boxing ring's bell dead on, clanging it. She did it twice more before taking 5 steps backward, aiming again. Her next target was a large string of half lit Christmas lights. They fell from their place in the corner after 2 strikes. For the next few minutes, she picked random objects in the room to hit, continuing to add distance and speed to her movements. Accuracy and agility won fights or at least bought her enough time to run away from whoever wanted a piece of her most of the time.

Once Selina was warmed up, she began running through her repertoire of combat moves. Many of them had been taught to her by Tabitha but Selina had come up with a few attacks on her own. She had been meaning to teach them to her but so much happened before she could.

She started hanging around Bruce after his Spiral ended, cutting into her time on the Streets and at Siren's. Tabitha had gotten caught up in what would end up being the last round of her war with Penguin while trying to get help for Butch Gilzean's Frankenstein infection. Sofia Falcone went off the rails and started her own war with Penguin before Lee's headshot made the snooty bitch into steamed broccoli. Raise da Roof got resurrected and went on a magical rampage.

Shortly afterwards, Valeska had set up his Little Warehouse of Horrors, making her have to save Alfred and Bruce from Scarecrow's upgraded terror gas. Valeska shot her in the spine and paralyzed her. The Bridges Fell and then the shootout after the helicopter crash happened...god, if Barbara hadn't already laid claim to the little shit stain's life, Selina would take it herself!

Penguin had raised so much hell leading up to The Bridges Falling and the way he killed Tabitha was just plain wrong. Her sister deserved a far better death than the one she got. Then, his Marie Antoinette behavior towards the people living in his Zone, the trouble he had caused until the attack at Haven...

"I'm sorry, Selina."

The defeat in Bruce's voice melted and shattered her heart in her chest. Selina joined him on the staircase and rested her head on his right bicep.

"Why are you sorry?"

"...I don't know. I'm just am."

"You told Alfred how you really feel about what's going on and that's good. You need to do that more often. Holding that kind of heavy stuff in isn't good for your brain, especially nowadays."

"I know. I've been working on it. Cat, I..."

"Stop. I get it. I'm scared shitless, too."

"You are?"

"Duh. Bruce, saying that I can keep my cool is one thing but actually doing it while rescuing a bunch of traumatized people from the sickest fuck that's ever slithered out of the swamp is a whole other ballgame. Jeremiah is sick, twisted, and all the way wrong, even by Gotham's standards. He's a monster that hurts people because he thinks it's the right thing to do, which is way worse than him just doing it for funsies. You don't want me within a mile of him? Well, I sure as shit don't want him or any of his minions to be on the same planet as you. None of them deserve to breathe the same air as you and I fucking hate it when you're in pain."

He snorted rudely at her last declaration and Selina chuckled before clarifying.

"I fucking hate it when you're in pain that I didn't cause or when you're in pain that could put you in a padded room or body bag. Jeremiah hits all of those marks and then some."

Bruce nodded in agreement before closing his eyes again. He looked exhausted and like he was fighting through one hell of a headache. Wanting to help, Selina slowly made her way onto his lap, purring softly. Once she was straddling him, she removed her gloves before letting her nails rake over his scalp. Bruce rested his head on her shoulder to give her better access and she settled in. His hands easily spanned her waist and his fingers locked, holding her fast.

The Root fixed her spine and changed everything else about her. Selina was still human overall but as time passed, more feline behavior and thinking came into the mix. The changes were most obvious when she was angry and especially when it came to showing Bruce affection. She would purr at him, sit on his lap, ambush him, rub against him, and groom him when he would let her.

He always let her.

It made them both feel better.

Life was better when they were together.

It still sucked but having each other made things much easier.

Bruce's hair was getting long. It wasn't hair metal long but it was longer than she had ever seen it. Honestly, she didn't mind. The length gave her more to hold onto when they were really going at it and it was silky soft. It was silky soft, fun to play with, and annoyingly manageable. All he had to do was wet it and take a comb to it before he would be good to go. Meanwhile, really tackling her hair took hours of strength, courage, and at least three tumblers of bourbon.

"Ooh, I'm starting to see some silver fox action...are you getting old on me, Master Bruce?"

Her imitation of Alfred was completely spot on and never failed to make him giggle.

"Any gray hairs that I have now and in the future are entirely because of you."

"Me?"

"Yes, you!"

"What the hell did I do?"

"What the hell haven't you done?"

"I can think of a couple of things...speaking of us getting old and gray, I'm actually 20, not 19."

"Are you serious?"

"Yep. I got bored while Vanessa's crew did a supply swap so I went down to Gotham General's file room and found the O.G. print of my birth certificate. The rest of my birthday's the same but I'm 20. It didn't say who my father is but given Maria's fabulous taste in men, he's either a filthy rich dipshit that she trick-rolled after a Gala or a wannabe hustler she decided to share body heat with to get by. Either way, I don't wanna know. Not anymore. As far I'm concerned, I'm the twisted rage filled root of the Kyle family tree and that's A-OK with me. Hey, that rhymed!"

"It did and it was wonderful...are you sure?"

"Mm-hm."

"All right. But if you ever change your mind..."

"I'll let you know and we'll go looking for him...do you feel better now?"

"Yes. Thank you, Cat."

"You're welcome. Do you want me to get off of you?"

"Not yet."

"Okay, then...wanna make out?"

/

"What else did you find?"

"Another first aid kit, 8 mason jars, a half empty bottle of scotch, and some big ass bundles of yarn, like really good yarn. I think it might be cashmere."

"Let me see...it is."

"Groovy. We can use it to make socks and patch blankets or the docs can use it for surgeries. Whatever comes first. Do you know this place? It seems like you would know this place..."

"No, but after things get back to normal, I'll be sure to find out who it belongs to."

Even though word had likely spread about the impending Raid, everyone involved in it kept things as lowkey as possible. There was a sense of urgency in The Green Zone and amongst its allies but there had been no showing off. They would leave all of that to Valeska.

Everything went into battening down the hatches. Everyone had a job to do, even some of the kids (not by force, never ever by force!) and they would face whatever was to come head on. Gotham was no stranger to crises. Over the years, it had been the center of absolute mayhem. From gas attacks to magical curses to torture disguised as Frankenstein "science", and so many fires, so many explosions. The Bridges Falling was just the latest example of it. The city had been rocked to its foundations and while it was battered, it was still standing. It was ready for more rounds in the ring and whatever happened? Happened. The city would survive and recover or go down swinging. At this point, there were no other options.

As grim as that fact was, it was also comforting.

One way or another, it was finally going to be over...

Selina joined him at the window, standing tall next to him as always.

"We've got it. Tomorrow Night? We'll get it done and we'll get help from across the river."

"You don't know that."

"If you go into a fight or Job thinking that you're gonna get your ass kicked, then you will. As far as I'm concerned, Jeremiah is as dead as Raisin Bran Crunch. They'll burn in Hell together forever and the government will be out of excuses for staying away from here. They'll help out or we'll go to the Media with both barrels to make them. You know how Foxy and his Crew figured out a way to get radio messages out to folks overseas?"

"Yes."

"Well, somebody found a video camera to go with it and people are already telling their Stories. Once they get to the general public, I give it less than 2 days before the government shows up fashionably late with fake apologies and a blank check for everyone's troubles. Nobody wants to be known for breaking those nifty little Geneva rules, after all. At least not in a way that they can be pinched."

"Since when have you been such an optimist?"

"I'm not. I'm just stating facts."

"...I hope you're right."

"I'm always right."

"Debatable."

"Even when I'm wrong, there's enough right to be had in what I say and do so things work out."

"That doesn't make any sense."

"You understood me, didn't you?"

"Yes."

"Then it makes sense. Now, are you gonna keep brooding or are you gonna come to bed?"

"...both."

Bruce had a playful side. It was usually hidden but when it came out? God, it was fucking awesome. It was also a way of letting Selina know that life's hard knocks hadn't gotten him all the way down. She laughed as he tackled her to the mattress, holding him to her. Her hands went to his shoulders as he turned them to the side, keeping his back to the locked door.

She didn't have to ask why.

Bruce felt guilty for being unable to protect her in the Study. He shouldn't but he did. Valeska's actions were his own and he had been so determined that even if he had been able to cover her, all it would've done was get them both shot. They didn't need that. Neither of them deserved that.

God, they had been through so much that they didn't deserve.

It was a miracle that they were alive and mostly sane.

Intercepting his hand before it could bury in her curls, Selina pressed a kiss to the back of it before resting it right where her heart was pounding. Bruce's gaze was painfully soft, open and full of love, desire, worry, always the worry...

"Everything is gonna work out the way it should. You'll see."

She would not accept another outcome.

/

"He'll slow you down."

"He already has but y'know what? I would rather be slow as fuck with him than fast as fuck without him. I'll get where I need to go regardless."

"You feel that way right now but wait until he..."

"Stop."

"Selina..."

"Look, if I haven't been able to talk myself out of being with him by now, then you're sure as shit not gonna do it so just let it go. Please."

"...fine. You want another?"

"Yeah, but I can't. Not until after."

"It's a suicide mission. All of them are heading into a death trap."

"You're not wrong."

"But you're still gonna go with them? You want to get even with the ginger that badly?"

"That and people in The Dark Zone need help, Barbara. They've already been ditched by the Feds. They don't deserve to be ditched by the few decent people left around here. They really don't and if I don't go on the Raid, B will definitely do something overly noble and fucking stupid before they can stop him and then we'll have to deal with Strange's bitch ass to put his pieces back together again. That little Frankenstein bastard makes my skin crawl and he'd definitely try to force me in all of my plant based catgirl freak of nature glory to be his next test subject as payment. Fuck that shit."

"Since when have you been such a bleeding heart?"

"Since always. I'm just more open about it now because I'm too tired to keep pretending. Don't get me wrong: I'm still a cunt. I will be until the day I die and I kick Tabby's ass down in Hell because she's on my throne..."

"Not if I do it first!"

"...I would pay top dollar to see that...the point is that I care. I care and I wanna use whatever time I've got left on this piece of shit rock that we call Earth to do more good things than bad. I should be dead or trapped in a wheelchair right now but I'm not so I gotta square things with whoever's in charge up there for giving me a second chance. Well, third, if you've been keeping score at home. I'm not saying that I'm gonna turn into the next Mother Theresa but..."

"I get it."

"Yeah?"

"Yeah. Just...I don't wanna bury you, too, Kitty-Cat. Do your best to not let that bleeding heart of yours put you down before your time but if it does? Take them all with you. Burn it down, burn it down..."

"...all the way to the got-damned ground!"

"That's my girl...so, is this the part where we hug?"

"It could be. It's up to you."

"Then it is. Bring it in."

"I'll see you soon."

"...y-you promise?"

"I promise."

///////////////////

"Y'know...it's a just damned shame. You're a damned shame. You had a chance to be different. You spent so much time in your secret hideout maze, doing kickass science things and you threw it all away. You could've been like Lucius and used your mind to help people live better but you didn't. You could've asked for help after you got hit with a Nutfluenza money shot or come up with a Cure but you didn't. You decided to act just like your piece of shit Evil Twin and make the whole city suffer. Actually, I liked Jerome better. Sure, he was a psycho with way too much time on his hands but at least he wasn't a fucking pedophile."

"You have no idea what you're talking about!"

"Oh, wait, I'm sorry. I meant an ephebophile. B falls right in that age group for freaks like you. Where's Chris Hansen when you need him? Why don't you have a seat over there?"

"You can't sit there and judge me. You're nothing but disgusting street trash and..."

"Yeah, yeah, yeah...I've heard it all before and from people better than you. Get better material, Pennywise."

"You ruined everything!"

"Oh, did I? I can't imagine how. You want some aspirin? I mean, getting caught in and half buried in rubble after a big ass explosion has got to hurt more than your pride..."

"I don't want or need anything from you."

"Obviously, you do or you would have tried and failed to kill me again by now."

Another tunnel operation had been found but instead of trying to get across the river, the route had led to Wayne Manor. Jeremiah and Ecco were long gone but the tunnels were ready for use. While everyone else had been debating (arguing...) about what to do next, Selina had gone forward, unwilling to wait for them. The bloodlust from had been soothed by dealing with the minions who tried to stop the mission but curiosity itched and burned underneath her skin.

The tunnels had wooden supports and lanterns, along with stacks upon stacks of crates. Some were plain wood, holding various supplies, but what stood out to her were the red plastic cubes. Selina was no scientist or demolition expert but typically, bright red screamed kaboom at the top of its lungs. Stepping through the exit, she had been both impressed and horrified to recognize the hallway leading straight to Thomas Wayne's Study. What the fuck? Why would Valeska dig a tunnel leading there? He could've easily made a functional tunnel to get himself and his disciples free.

In fact, that would've been the best move. Anyone who could find a way out of Gotham's ruins automatically held all the cards in the deck and if Valeska had a fraction of common sense left, he would've immediately contacted all the Zone Leaders to do business from the other side of the river.

He had nothing but obsession left in his mind. Selina was no stranger to that mentality and had put the pieces together. He wanted to use the tunnel to access Wayne Manor so he could destroy it like the Bridges. The red containers were bombs or had explosives stashed inside of them, likely both. Whether Bruce was supposed to be inside was unclear but given how Valeska liked to operate, Selena would say that he was trying to blow Alfred up. Despite the Townhouse being Home Base, he still came to the Manor every weekend to check that no one was squatting and to clean.

Attacking the city, destroying the Bridges, shooting her...it was a Game to Jeremiah. Everything was a sick, twisted game to him and if Bruce wasn't going to play with him, then he had to be punished. But, why now? That was the Million Dollar Question: why was Jeremiah making so many major moves in so little time? It was like he was preparing to host a formal Gala or birthday party...or an anniversary...

"...it's because of what happened to his parents. The tunnel, all the bombs...you were gonna blow him up on the Anniversary and just wipe out the whole Wayne family, including their home. Damn. I guess if you can't have him, nobody can, huh?"

"You're not seeing the big picture...I should've been there...it would've been for the best.!"

"You wanted to be there? I was there. I saw...I heard...if you gave a damn about him, the only way you being there would've been for the best, is if you found a way to make sure that they were able to go home as a family! I was there that night and I didn't help them. I couldn't because I was too scared and too selfish. Well, that and because it happened so fast. They were...they were just trying to go home. They were in that alley because they were trying to go home and because of this city's bullshit, because of this city's Elite's Illuminati on meth bullshit, they were shot down in front of their baby and he ain't been right ever since! My word isn't worth a lot but I can promise you that you did not want to be there!"

One of Selina's biggest regrets was her lack of action during that night. She had only been 15 at the time, yes but she could've tried. She could've thrown the carton of milk or the wallet she had lifted. She could've screamed, drawing the gunman's attention, and given the Waynes a chance to run. She could've...but she couldn't have. Her heart screamed otherwise but her mind...even if she had made a move, it wouldn't have made much of a difference in the long run. Knowing what she did now, it would've just ended up with her and Bruce in the grave, too.

Thomas and Martha Wayne had pissed the wrong people off. They hadn't meant to do so but they had. They had kept deep dark secrets, big ugly secrets that had been on the verge of coming out, and things had to stay status quo. Dead Men Told No Tales so the Hit had been called.

Simple as that.

It was nothing personal.

It was just business.

The idea of someone recreating that awful night made her want to tear the whole world apart but Selina would be glad to settle for the prowling "man" below her. Valeska was currently pacing the catwalks above the vats of bubbling foaming mystery fluid. Given that they were currently in Ace Chemicals, Selina could assume that the main ingredient to the frothy white fluid was acid. Acid and other scientific things that could destroy anyone or anything. That had been the other part of the plan. Valeska wanted to poison what little fresh water was left with a truck full of acid bombs and fireworks. Fortunately, the destruction of the Wayne Manor tunnel and Gordon getting the truck away from him had prevented that from happening.

Now, it was a waiting game. Selina had claimed a spot near the roof, giving her a clear view without being in easy range for a bullet. It was wonderful to see the surviving bastard responsible for everyone's misery unraveling in real time. Up until now, he had a Master Plan, a Mission that he had taken great pains to accomplish. Valeska wanted Gotham to be a shell of itself forever and he wanted Bruce to be a part of his fantasies.

Since Bruce had proven more than once that his answer would be a firm 'NO', he decided to target those who meant the most to him as punishment. Valeska had scored some critical hits against all of them but at the end of the day, he was doomed and he knew it.

"...they're coming for you, Jeremiah. Everybody knows where you are and that you're not untouchable anymore. You might as well put the bullet you should've put in my head in yours because if the Zone leaders or Feds don't get you, the whole city is gonna tear you to shreds for getting us into this mess. Raise da Roof used you like he did to everyone else and left you holding the bag."

Before Valeska could retort, several smoke bombs rolled in and detonated. The sound of sirens and angry Gotham citizens soon followed. A grin lit up her face at the terror on stupid fuck's face.

Ah, the calvery...

/

The Next Morning...

"He had it coming."

"...he did."

"It was either him or us. It wasn't going to be us."

"He shouldn't have threatened you. He knew that I would..."

"You did what any person worth a damn would do to protect yourself and your family."

Jeremiah Valeska had fallen into one of the vats of mystery chemicals. More accurately, he had been kicked off the catwalk he had claimed for himself by Bruce.

Bruce being Bruce had gone full out. As soon as he was inside, he was taking the stairs two at a time. He hadn't let Valeska say a word before tackling him and slamming an elbow into his face. Selina had descended from her hiding place and unfurled her bull whip, cracking it in challenge. Even if Jeremiah managed to get away from him, he wasn't getting away from her.

Every time the demented clown managed to land a hit on Bruce or tried to run, he got a lashing from her, enraging him further. He yelled that he was simply trying to bring truth to Bruce, to all of Gotham and she kept ruining everything. He called her every name under the sun and vowed that not only would he shoot her in the head as he should've in the study, by the time he was done with her, she would beg for him to do so.

That had been his last mistake.

To give Valeska a little bit of credit, he hadn't screamed when he went flying. A noise that could've been one escaped him as he went under but it was mostly gurgling. The blaring of alarms filled the factory and whatever kept the vats bubbling shut down immediately. On the surface of Valeska's vat was a thick layer of makeup and slowly, slowly, his limp body bobbed up to the surface. The sight of him was utterly repulsive, the stench choking, but even as Selina knelt with Bruce, even as she hugged him from behind as he wept, she smiled.

Just as she had told Ecco, it was better for the enemy to die than her family.

Ecco was dead. Not only was she dead, Valeska had killed her himself. Well, he had given her a coup de grace shot. Once the prisoners realized what was happening, they began to fight their captors with everything they had. Ecco had been trampled in the chaos and someone had slashed her just below the ribs, mortally wounding her. She had gotten up and limped to Valeska who had been about to make his escape. According to witnesses, Valeska had hugged her before shooting her in the head again, this time center mass.

Then, he left in his purple Lamborghini like it was nothing because to him?

She was just that.

Nothing.

Nothing but another pawn to sacrifice. Nothing but a bedwarmer and an ego boost.

Sometimes, Selina hated it when she was right.

It was such a fucking waste.

The sound and sight of military helicopters going past the windows was welcome but infuriating. Just as Selina predicted, as soon as the full truth of what was happening in Gotham reached international ears in power, the government quickly got into motion. The minefield that had been illegally placed was gone within 4 hours and ships were already docking. Some were evacuation ships. Other were supply ships. Still others were converted into medical ships and dormitories. People were getting in contact with loved ones and the outside world for the first time in nearly 3 years. People were eating fresh food again. People had fresh water again. Not only that but the streets were filled with Jeeps, tanks, delivery trucks, soldiers, doctors, psychologists, psychiatrists, social workers...

They should have shown up sooner.

Despite the euphoria of finally getting the help they've needed, that was the overwhelming sentiment in the air. Gordon being Gordon said it straight to the Head Honcho's face and to the man's credit, he had readily agreed.

There was no getting around it. The Fallen Bridges crisis had been mismanaged and there was blood gushing from the government's fingertips. Selina wanted every coward involved to pay for abandoning them. They deserved to pay with interest for what they had allowed.

They deserved to suffer like the bastards who had directly caused the crisis.

Ra's Al Gul was dead forever, reduced to ashes and his empire in ruins.

Through the window, they were looking at what was left of Jeremiah Valeska.

He had survived his fall but alive wasn't a word that anyone could use to describe him. He was heavily sedated with an IV drip providing fluids with a feeding tube in his nose, and an oxygen mask over his face. His wrists were handcuffed to the railings and he would be under constant supervision via cameras. He would spend the next few months in the locked hospital room until a custom-built cell in Arkham's deepest depths was ready. No medical personnel would be allowed to tend to Valeska without armed bodyguards present.

The vat of chemicals had made Jeremiah into a cross between a zombie, a broken mannequin and beef jerky. His hair was crispy and most of it had fallen out. His face was destroyed from his injuries, swollen and sunken in all at once. His hospital gown engulfed his skinny body and his blankets were clean but far from comfortable.

It was way better than the bastard deserved. They should've just thrown him in the harbor.

"You were right. We took Jeremiah down and outside help is finally here. We're safe."

"We are. See? I told you everything would be..."

"Selina."

Bruce's solemn hessonite gaze had something new within it, something that made her pulse pick up. Selina knew in her bones that Bruce would never hurt her outside of defending himself and even then, he refused to do real damage. Why? Because he was a gentleman, an aristocrat, even. Also, because she was precious to him, the one who he wanted and needed to be with him. Selina didn't want to spend the rest of her life alone. She wanted to have true friends, a Squad, a family...

His arms snapped forward and Selina's gasp morphed into a deep moan as his lips crashed down on hers. The amount of passion in his kiss, the greedy possessiveness of his hands on her ass, his scent, his warmth had her rolling her hips against him, trying to feel more of him, all of him. God, she wanted to feel all of him! Someone, the worst someone, had tried to take him away from her again but had failed miserably. They had faced the sick fuck head on and beat him to a pulp. Bruce was still alive, still with her, still himself and she just...

"...need you, baby."

"...find us somewhere private."

That would be simple. Selina had made a point to learn the blueprints of every major landmark in Gotham while growing up. The knowledge had saved her life and others many times. Gotham General had been one of the first places she memorized plus her experiences in the building as a patient and visitor gave her everything she needed.

Bypassing the elevator, she led him into the stairwell and after descending 4 flights, Selina whimpered as Bruce pulled her flush against him. She rested her hands on the arms wrapped around her waist and tilted her head in offering. His kisses were tender and her knees threatened to give out as he nipped her just underneath her earlobe.

"I love you. I love you so much... mon chaton... mon ange... je t'aime tellement putain...(my kitten...my angel...I love you so fucking much...)...want to give you everything...whatever you want, Selina, it's yours..."

"You...I just want you...I-I love you, too...so fucking much...god, B, stop...let me...we need a bed...please, baby..."

"I love it when you call me baby..."

He was hers. Selina had done everything she could to fight against it, to guard her heart but Bruce Wayne was utterly irresistible to her. He brought out the best in her and it went both ways. She had hurt him in the past. He had hurt her, too but they knew better now. They knew what not to do and had accepted that while they were excellent apart, together? They were unstoppable. They could create miracles and help people and just do good things.

What she said to Barbara at Siren's was the truth. Selina had spent her childhood in Gotham's Underground, doing whatever it took to survive and to gain respect on the streets. She was tired. She had faced the karmic justice she had earned for her misdeeds but she had been saved, restored and made greater by the man she was hurriedly leading down the main hallway.

She had a fresh start, a blank slate and while she had decided to permanently change her ways, one thing always would be the same: Selina did whatever she wanted, when she wanted, and nobody could stop her.

She wanted happiness.

Everyone deserved happiness.

She had a chance for happiness, for genuine joy, and she was going to grab it with both hands. As soon as they finally got to an on-call room, Selina barely got the door open before grabbing Bruce's jacket lapels and meeting him halfway. A delighted laugh escaped her as his hands cupped her ass again and she locked her limbs around him, letting him carry her. As much as she teased him for showing off his physical strength, she loved it. Bruce was strong, he made her feel safe and what woman didn't like to feel like a princess sometimes?

Plus, him lifting her more often would give him practice for their wedding day and night.

Resting her left hand where his heart pounded, she asked a simple but potent question.

"Do you think we can find a priest before we skip town?"

Bruce being Bruce picked up on what she was truly asking immediately and slowly, his left hand went to where her heart was. His smile was brilliant as tears of joy brewed. Their kisses softened into slow sweetness and nuzzling between removing articles of clothing. Skin. She wanted skin. She wanted to feel him, all of him for the rest of her life...

"I'm lousy with rings unless I'm using them as brass knuckles so it'll be better to buy a pendant for regular days but getting a wedding set for special occasions and public appearances is a good idea. Despite all the pain and bullshit attached to being a Kyle, I still wanna hyphenate and we deserve to have a huge wedding cake, goddamn it! It's the least that those goddamned cowardly sons of clap ridden bitches can do for us, given that we spent almost 3 years doing their jobs for them while they fiddled like Nero."

"Will you...I know you typically don't like wearing dresses but..."

"There's no fucking way that I'm not wearing a wedding dress. I'm only getting married once and I wanna do it right. Besides, I look hot in lace. You know that."

"All too well. I love you, Selina Kyle-Wayne. Always."

"...show me."

////////////////////////////

"B, you've already heard me say how I feel about you in my own very special and delightful way over the years so instead of reciting regular Vows, I'm just gonna share one of my favorite poems because it's better than anything that I could ever come up with:

I do not love you as if you were salt-rose, or topaz, or the arrow of carnations the fire shoots off. I love you as certain dark things are to be loved, in secret, between the shadow and the soul. I love you as the plant that never blooms but carries in itself the light of hidden flowers; thanks to your love a certain solid fragrance, risen from the earth, lives darkly in my body. I love you without knowing how, or when, or from where. I love you straightforwardly, without complexities or pride; so I love you because I know no other way than this: where I does not exist, nor you, so close that your hand on my chest is my hand, so close that your eyes close as I fall asleep."

"...Pablo Neruda's 17th sonnet."

"Uh-huh...o-other than that, I just wanna say that I love you a-and that I wanna be with you as long as this fucked up world lets me and you're my best friend and I promise that I'm gonna be a good wife to you. The best wife."

"You already are."

It was a good thing that she had rejected all makeup except a magenta lip tint because she finally lost her battle with her tears. Bucking tradition, she embraced him and Bruce held her like he never wanted to let go. There wasn't a dry eye in the 12th Precinct turned wedding hall and Selina refused to feel embarrassed about being so open with her soft feelings. It was her wedding day, the only wedding day she would ever have. It was a day of joy and the biggest Fuck You they could give to everyone who ever hurt them.

Living well is the best revenge.

"I know that Shakespeare gets lots of props for how he writes about soft feelings, which is valid but to me? Pablo is way better than him. It's not even close. I found a 'Greatest Hits' book full of his work at The Flea when I was 10. Sonnet 17 always stuck with me. Despite Maria ditching me and Gotham being Gotham, I still hoped that one day, I would find someone that I could feel the same way about. And I did. I didn't mean to but I did...does this count as us saying 'I Do' because he just called me his wife in front of everyone and lemme tell you, Padre, I just really wanna kiss my husband right now..."

"That's up to the two of you."

Their first kiss as husband and wife was sweeter than all the ones they had before.

"Ladies and gentlemen, I am very pleased to introduce you all to Bruce and Selina Wayne. Congratulations to you both. Live well. Be happy."

"We'll do our best, Father Matthews. Thank you."

Selina looked down at their entwined left hands, taking in the sight of rings on their fingers. Like her beloved hair pins and wedding pendant, they were platinum with black diamonds. The diamonds were embedded in Bruce's while hers was a 4-carat princess cut, flanked by two white pearls. She still didn't know where he had gotten all of the pieces but Selina knew that the pearls were a tribute to his mother.

After all, Martha Wayne had been known for her pearls and she had been a formidable woman, a fighter to the end. Selina appreciated that and like she had just promised, she was going to be a good wife to Bruce, worthy of helping him rebuild the Wayne family.

It was standing room only so the afternoon's spread had to accommodate them. The menu itself consisted of fresh fruit and vegetable platters, charcuterie boards, lemon chicken with mushroom risotto or turkey meatloaf with mashed potatoes both with confit byaldi as sides. There was ice water, sports drinks, and a variety of protein shakes and bars. Every Gotham citizen had malnutrition. If one was lucky, they had survived on MREs, bottled/boiled tepid water and what crops that had taken root, mainly tomatoes and potatoes. And booze. Lots and lots of booze, mostly homemade and caustic.

Their wedding cake was in the center of two vanilla sheet cakes for the guests. It was a simple lemon cake with white buttercream frosting with black frosting roses. It was 3 tiers and made by a posse of older women who had made their nursing home apartment complex into a smaller version of Haven. The people rescued from The Dark Zone lived with them, benefiting them all.

The Leader, Ms. Mabel Johanssen, or Mama Jo as she was called, had taken it upon herself to help Selina find her wedding dress. She, along with Lee and Barbara, had followed Mabel to the wedding boutique she had passed down to her oldest daughter (who had thankfully been out of town when The Bridges Fell) and it had only taken 30 minutes for Selina to find everything she wanted.

Her princess style dress left her shoulders bare, had three-quarter sleeves, and the bodice was white lace with pearl buttons, the lace holding a pattern of snowdrops. The bottom of it was ankle length with had just the right amount for material for swishing while dancing and to take flight when she spun. A pair of plush white loafers finished the look. Her manicure was a simple matte black with magenta french tips.

Her 'something blue' came from the electric blue nail polish she had painted on her toes and the cerulean dress color she had chosen for her bridesmaids. She had left the dress design up to them. Lee and Barbara were more than capable of dressing themselves. Barbara had chosen a one-shoulder bodycon dress that stopped at her shins and Lee had gone with an ankle length, sleeveless empire waist dress with a sweetheart neckline. Black stilettos completed their looks.

Her 'something old' was a 3-way tie between her Bowie knife, the gold studs she had kept since before Maria abandoned her, and Alfred.

Her 'something borrowed' had been Jim from Lee so he could walk her down the aisle.

His investigation into what happened to Thomas and Martha Wayne had led to where they were today. Were it not for him making her one of his street contacts and annoying her enough to want to be a good person every once in a while, she wouldn't be Selina Kyle-Wayne. Plus, walking down the aisle by herself didn't just feel right and far be it from her to pass up on an opportunity to tease Gordon in the future.

He had taken to the task with military precision while crying the whole time. It was sweet but she wouldn't be her if she didn't bust his balls about it. Hell, he would be worried if she didn't...

"Are you okay?"

"Yep. Are you okay?"

"I'm almost as amazing as you."

"...quit being sappy and help me cut this cake, douchebag. I'm hungry."

The members of the press that were present had their cameras working overtime but only Alfred and Barbara could get the best footage. As soon as Selina stepped into Siren's for her owed drink, the blonde had bowled her over in a hug. Between her sobs, Selina heard her thanking Tabby for not letting the universe take her away too. Of all people to be her Guardian Demon (because there was no way that Tab had even glimpsed at the pearly gates...), Tabitha was perfect for the job. Other than black being Bruce's trademark, she had picked her wedding manicure with her fallen sister in mind, as well as her lip color.

Once she heard about the wedding, Barbara had declared that she would be the videographer. Alfred could film for the family but for the official video, she would take charge. For all its campiness, the commercial she put together for Siren's had done its job so Bruce hired her. Plus, giving her such an important job guaranteed that she wouldn't cause trouble, especially since Lee was in the wedding party.

Any romance between Jim and Barbara had been rightfully put to rest ages ago. However, Barbara would occasionally have the same attitude about him as a child who didn't want a toy anymore but didn't want anyone else playing with it either. Plus, the two women had their own issues outside of him. Whenever they interacted, there was always a risk of violence.

Pleasantly surprising everyone, the pair were getting along just fine. If one didn't know better, they would assume that the women were close friends, maybe even Besties.

Time healed most wounds.

Finding out that Lee had purposely gotten herself captured by the tunneling psychos so she could rescue the enslaved 30 children and 15 adults had given her tons of street cred. Couple that with her using her status as Queen of The Narrows to help people and not hurt anyone who didn't deserve it? It was best to squash any lingering Beef, if not just for business purposes.

The best part? Lee acted the same as she did as before it all happened.

The camera shutters and flashes went even faster as Selina happily accepted a forkful of cake. Bruce chuckled as she purposely smeared some frosting over the tip of his nose while feeding him. After cleaning up with a napkin, he passed her a square plate to fill and that was the signal for everyone to start eating, drinking, and being merry. It was a reception, after all. Speaking of that...

"Dancing's mandatory but there aren't gonna be any toasts, right?"

"No."

"Thank God."

"I like what you did with your bouquet."

"Mama Jo said that she didn't want cash but she never said that we couldn't pay another way. Throwing the bouquet is a dumb tradition, anyways. How did it even get started?"

"While a bride carrying flowers and certain herbs has been a tradition for centuries, tossing the bouquet was a way in 19th century England to distract the crowd from chasing her."

"Why the fuck were they doing that? Did she owe them money?"

They both giggled before he pressed a quick kiss to the back of her hand.

"Not usually. On her wedding day, the bride was seen as the luckiest person in the area. People would want to touch her or take pieces of her dress and hair to make charms. Whoever caught the bouquet was seen to be next in line to get married and it also served as a fertility blessing."

"That's weird but also kinda wholesome. Now, eat. You'll need the energy for later."

"Yes, dear."

"Shut up!"

/

"My husband's standing right behind us."

"Hush, you."

"My vows to him were literal poetry but you're still going for it? Wowww..."

"Stop."

"No can do. Blushing Bride or not, I still gotta meet my daily quota of shit talking and if I didn't bust your balls right now, you'd be worried that you're sending B off with a clone."

"...she's not wrong."

"Annoying, isn't it?"

Grinning, Selina stepped back from them and watched the pilot shake Bruce's hand before he went in to prepare for takeoff. Although she knew that she was far more likely to be killed in a car accident, watching Final Destination at the age of 9 hadn't been the best idea. However, Bruce himself did not hire incompetent people and Foxy had personally vouched for the plane's safety so she'd suck it up.

It was fucking hilarious that she was afraid to fly while having no fear of leaping between buildings or climbing suspension bridges. If she had to guess, it was more about the lack of control but again, she'd suck it up. Where Bruce went, she followed and vice versa.

Plus, getting out of Gotham was necessary for them to truly recover and rest.

They wouldn't stay away forever. They had too many people they loved to do so and regardless of the new beginning, at the end of the day? Gotham was Gotham. The players in the game changed constantly but the city's Ways were in its foundations. The GCPD were outnumbered 50 to 1 and outgunned. Good cops rarely lasted long in the city. They either joined the other side, quit before the end of their first day, or they were collateral damage during a Maniac of the Week's temper tantrum.

Now that Gordon was Commissioner and had the government by the balls, those statistics would certainly change but there would always be a need for something more, for someone... for people firmly on the side of good who could operate in the shadows, who could dwell in shades of gray to get what needed to get done faster.

Everyone had a role to play.

But for now? It was time for her and Bruce to leave. They needed to leave Gotham behind to rest, recover, and explore the world together. Plus, if they were really going to commit to protecting the city from eternal darkness or whatever the fuck, they needed to go through years of extensive training so they could do it right.

They couldn't do that locally.

Once Bruce was released, he joined her at the bottom of the staircase.

"Are you ready?"

"Yep."

Just before entering the jet, Selina waved before happily flipping their father figures off.

The warm evening breeze carried the sound of their laughter as the door shut behind her.

/

"...so much for joining the Mile High Club."

"You needed your rest."

"Obviously. You got to carry me over the threshold and get a half marathon in. Why the hell is this place so huge? Were your multi great-grandpas compensating for something?"

"Cat, you know better than anyone that there's nothing to compensate for."

"Just because you can fill a pussy like an eclair doesn't mean that they could."

"Selina!"

"Would you have preferred if I said split it like a peach, my darling husband?"

The images on the big screen were loud. Images of Gotham Before and After, heart wrenching clips from viral interviews of survivors, people tearfully reuniting with loved ones, exhausted yet smiling children finally being fed properly, trucks of rubble being cleared, a stone-faced Jim Gordon glaring at the Head Honcho as he spoke outside of the reclaimed City Hall...the decorated military man had a black eye and a split lip.

See, not only had Gordon said to his face that they all should have shown up sooner, he said it after falcon punching the son of a bitch in the bullpen. The punch had been a thing of beauty, something straight out of an Indiana Jones movie!

As the news broadcast kicked off, a large collage of government officials was put on display for the world to see. The End of the Fallen Bridges Crisis was the hottest topic and would be for months to come. Their faces were out there but it wasn't enough to just show them. As if on cue, the camera zoomed into the collage and the screen smoothly transitioned into a slideshow. Name, State, Political Party, and how their negligence/cowardice made things worse for everyone trapped in Gotham, each remaining on the screen for 10 seconds each.

"Their families don't deserve it."

"I'll have The Board release a statement. What happens afterwards isn't my responsibility."

The TV was turned off and Selina grinned as he scooped her up in a fireman's carry.

"Who are you and what have you done with Bruce Wayne?"

"You're not the only person who can change their Ways and mean it, Selina."

Changed Ways or not, Selina could feel the Restlessness bubbling under her skin. It needed to be dealt with. Revenge needed to be dished out along with Justice. Not today, not tomorrow, not even a year down the road but eventually. Playing the long game made victory sweeter and just because living well was the best revenge didn't mean it was the only one.

Since she had far too much to lose now, Selina wouldn't kill anyone outside of another survival situation but that didn't mean she was out of options, especially since Bruce would be on board when she read him in.

It wasn't just The Fallen Bridges. There were other catastrophes that had been mismanaged. Gotham was Gotham but Selina knew that the inquiries would uncover at least one Cabal who made tons of money from the constant chaos for decades if the investigators had the balls to dig deep enough. Hell, maybe they wouldn't have to dig at all. Two baker's dozen worth of Geneva Laws had been shattered and justice needed to be served. Nobody wanted to get into that sort of trouble, no matter how tough they claimed to be. There was going to be a race to get to the best PR teams, the best lawyers, the best places to live in Witness Protection...

After reversing their positions, Selina captured his mouth, smiling as his hands slid underneath her top. She had woken up still in her wedding dress sans shoes but waiting on the vanity was one of Bruce's cashmere sweaters. That was what he wanted to see her wearing and she smiled as she put it on. Although Bruce was the poster child for overthinking, there were times where he was simple.

Men loved it when their companions wore their clothes...and when they could take them off.

Sitting up, Selina rested her head on his shoulder, chuckling to herself as she loosened the buttons of his shirt. Once his shirt was unbuttoned, instead of an undershirt, her hand rested on the bare flesh where his heart pounded below. After the shirt was off, Selina gave him a light shove so his back was resting against the headboard. His hands spanned her bare hips and held on tightly, his gaze riveted on her as she shed the sweater. She opened her mouth to say something but Bruce's lips captured hers, making her slump against him. His hands wandered over her back, caressing and massaging until she began to purr.

Skin. She wanted more skin, more of his warmth against hers, more of everything!

When they broke for air, Bruce helpfully lifted his hips and they chuckled as he struggled to kick off his pants for a moment before rejoining their lips. Better. Much, much better. No more barriers, just skin and love and safety. Familiar lips, familiar hands, familiar and delicious scent...her man, her mate, her everything...

"Like this?", he murmured while lining them up.

"Yeah...my favorite...want you..."

All the breath left her lungs as her husband pulled her down to meet his firm upward thrust into her and she shuddered. Selina's senses were engulfed by him, her husband, her love, her fucking everything...

"You are divine... mon doux ange... (my sweet angel..)"

Her response was to nuzzle him before dipping her head to suck just beneath his collarbone. Bruce liked it when she left marks on him. She wasn't sure why. Maybe it was part of his masochism, maybe it was because she was claiming him, giving him and the whole word proof that he was taken, wanted, needed, loved so fucking much that it hurt...

Selina cried out as he increased his pace and green tinted her vision as she peppered kisses to Bruce's jaw before nipping his earlobe. Her fingers bent and locked, her nails beginning to leave imprints in her mate's tender flesh. Not too hard, not too deep, she didn't want to hurt him in bad ways. He was Bruce, not an enemy to be dispatched or a toy to rip apart. He was her husband, her partner, her best friend, someone to be cherished, protected at all costs...

Selina kept her arms around him as her back hit the mattress and she shivered as his hot mouth found her nipples, moaning his appreciation. Closing her eyes, she let him his way with her, moving harder and faster, meeting him halfway. He felt so good, so fucking good, perfect, her favorite, her only...

"Look at me."

She whimpered.

"Look at me."

She moaned.

"Look at me!"

She obeyed and immediately fell over the edge, taking him with her. Pulling him down, she kissed him deeply, nipping and sucking at his lower lip. She could feel his smile and she smiled back, cupping his face. Bruce's full weight rested on her and she relished it. He was warm and smelled delicious, both of himself and their lovemaking. Despite the sunlight streaming through the balcony doors, a bone deep drowsiness had her sinking deeper into the mattress and pillows. After yawning, Selina helped him pull the bedding over their cooling bodies and Bruce pressed soft kisses to the beauty marks on her chest. She pecked his brow and squeezed him.

"Get some sleep, B."

"Are you sure? It's our honeymoon and..."

"Shhh...we have all day and I'll be here when you wake up. I'll be here for as long you need me."

"...promise?"

"I promise. Sleep, baby. I got you."

[fleshing-out-fodlan]

Crimson Flower vs. Azure Moon Marianne

I think an underrated part of the game is the differences between how the characters change on different routes (tbh I only really see it discussed to trash on CF characterizations when I don’t even think it’s objectively true that all characters are worse off on that route). Since I’m on a Marianne kick I decided to compare some explore quotes from her.

Thesis: While Marianne works to become happier in both routes, in CF she learns moreso to derive this happiness from herself while in AM she learns moreso to derive this happiness from her connections to other people.

Chapter 12

CF

AM

Marianne’s CF dialogue is obviously more focused on herself than her AM dialogue. In CF she says “what if I have the power to change the world” while in AM she says “surely we can win.” I believe this pronoun change, in CF she is feeling empowered to break free and become her own person while in AM she is feeling like she is a part of a strong group.

Chapter 13

CF

AM

Both routes here involve Marianne’s father telling her where to go, however I do believe Marianne seems more content with her decision in CF and like it’s something she would want independently of her father, even going so far as to say she would disobey his orders showing her dedication to the cause. On the other hand, in AM she doesn’t say anything about how she feels about the cause and the thing that gives her hope is hearing that someone else who she has developed a strong bond with wants her around. This contrast again shows how AM Marianne places a stronger emphasis on her bonds with other people.

Chapter 13

CF

AM

Honestly I don’t have much to say here, I don’t feel like the change in this says much about her characterization. You could say CF Marianne is freely volunteering her thoughts without needing prompting like AM Marianne and maybe there’s something too that but it does feel like a bit of a stretch to me so I’ll just leave it at that.

Chapter 14

CF

AM

As the story progresses, the explore dialogues stop being direct counterparts so the analysis may feel a bit more disjointed but let’s see what we can get from these. This is a scene of CF Marianne deriving happiness/comfort from a support network as opposed to herself (being consoled by Byleth and turning to her faith). In order to be truly happy you do need to be able to derive happiness both from yourself and others so I think it’s good to see CF Marianne relying on other people despite her increased sense of independence on this route. In AM we see a lack of confidence we haven’t seen yet in CF with her directly saying she’s “not very good” at something. She also says she is following her father’s orders which I think helps prove my earlier point that Marianne is more concerned about her father’s opinion on this route than CF. However, we do see her move on quickly from her self deprecation, pointing out an accomplishment she had and using that as a source of comfort which is a healthy approach. No one is ever going to have 0 negative thoughts about themself so it’s good seeing Marianne able to cope with these negative feeling and not just letting them destroy her.

Chapter 15

CF

AM

Here we do see the self deprecation we just saw in AM Marianne in CF Marianne with her saying she’s weak without the goddess. We don’t see her utilizing any sort of coping mechanism here which, while not inherently indicative of the fact that she has none, is still interesting. I wonder if CF Marianne feels her emotions in more extremes while AM Marianne has more consistent, middle of the road emotions?? Something I definitely want to look out for in the future but not sure if this theory will bear any fruit. Anyways, another interesting thing about CF Marianne is the ways he hangs on to her religion like we saw with her mourning Claude. Her holding onto her faith in CF is remarkable to me because of the environment she’s in. While I know Edelgard doesn’t want to completely abolish the religion, when you’re fighting against members of the church in order to dismantle it, there’s definitely going to be some sort of pressure to abandon your religion and I’m sure you would hear some not so nice comments about religion and religious people form fellow soldiers. So Marianne holding onto her faith shows her strong resolve and how she is willing to stick by her personal beliefs even if it doesn’t fit in with those around her. AM Marianne brings up her dad again, making this the third time compared to CF Marianne only bringing him up once. Marianne does say that she wants him to forget about her showing a desire for independence, but the fact that she continues to worry about her father’s views shows how she has not completely broken free from him.

Chapter 16

CF

AM

Here we see CF Marianne discussing her religion here and her using it to provide herself with a sense of comfort. Not much to comment on here except that she seems more confident in her relationship with religion here than she did last chapter. I find AM Marianne’s dialogue to be really interesting and I like hearing her reflect on her past perspectives in order to show how much she’s grown. I do think a lot can be said about this dialogue but I don’t think much of it would be related to what this post is about so I’m moving on.

AM Chapters

So as I’m sure most of you know, CF is shorter than the rest of the routes. I’ve gone through all the CF explore dialogues already and still have some AM ones left so I’m just going to go over those ones in their own section now.

Pretty basic sentiment and I think CF Marianne would feel similarly (replacing DImitri with Edelgard) if in that situation so not much to say here.

Another mention of her father, AM Marianne obviously is more dependent on her father than CF Marianne. This is likely a result of her spending more time with him in AM than CF. In both routes she goes back to assist him after the initial Garreg Mach battle, but in CF she joins the imperial army in the same year while in AM she doesn’t join the kingdom’s army for another four years. Interesting how she comments on his wellness before her own which again shows how AM Marianne spends more energy thinking about other’s than about herself. 

Her final AM dialogue is literally exactly the same as her final CF dialogue so I feel no need to report it. 

My Verdict: Honestly, I think both Marianne’s are capable of leading a happy and fulfilling life and I can see why someone would prefer either one. That being said, I do prefer CF Marianne. I think AM Marianne’s dependence on her father is a bit much and I think CF Marianne’s lack of concern for that is going to allow her to figure out what truly makes her happy without trying to please him. Also the things I’ve read about Margrave Edmund lead me to view him as a not particularly good father so I think getting some space from him will really benefit Marianne. I also think she seems more at peace with herself. While I would say AM Marianne seems to have a slightly stronger bond with Byleth than CF Marianne due to how she often seeks comfort from them, I do prefer CF Marianne’s stronger sense of independence over that. I honestly love her first CF explore dialogue where she wonders if she also has the power to change the world and if she holds onto that sense of empowerment I really think she can accomplish a lot.

Anyways, that’s my thoughts on CF vs. AM Marianne. I’m interested to hear which version of Marianne others prefer (if you even have a preference) and why so please either leave a comment or reblog with your opinions.

[aleck-le-mec]

Pagan ways to honor Palestinians

Like every other respectable human being these days I feel absolute terror, sadness and guilt seeing what’s happening to the PEOPLE of Gaza. Paganism has always been a way for me to deal with emotions and difficult things so I’m here to share what I’ve done and what I will continue to do to honor the people we have lost.

Of course donating funds, signing petitions, voting, protesting, talking about the genocide and boycotting is all a given but these are my spiritual/ grieving ceremonies. It’s important to balance both activism and the human need to grieve/ process in order to keep one’s humanity, avoid burnout and desensitization to this kind of violence.

Veiling

Veiling is a thing that some pagans do for all of their own reasons but I’ve found it to be a good way to honor others. If you veil with a kufiya, a historic scarf of Palestine this is also sending a message of exactly what and who you're standing for. I veil with a scarf that I inherited from my grandmother, like the martyrs of Palestine I never got to meet her, I never got the chance to know what she feared or what she loved. That symbol of loss and what could have beens’ remind me that we are all united in loss, we all are losing something through this genocide family, friends, lovers, coworkers, doctors, students, peers. Because of that loss we have to keep fighting we don’t have a choice, this genocide is everyone’s problem, it’s evryone’s loss.

Veiling in public spaces as a pagan can also help others feel more comfortable and like they have a friend in otherwise foreign places. I’m always reminded of what I heard a Sikh man say about his turban. He said that he wears it to let others know that he is there, someone you can pick out of a crowd at a glance and find easily if you’re in need of help. I always thought that was a simple beautiful sentiment that anyone can follow regardless of religion or spirituality.

Conscious grieving and candle light practice

Sometimes all you need to do is to sit down and think about things, cry a bit and be angry. Candle light visuals are important in almost every culture, they’re a universal sign of grieving and honoring someone so why not hold your own? If you have a coven/ group to do one with that’s cool but it isn’t any less honorable to do a private visual, hold that space to remember what you’ve lost and what you’ve seen. Think about what could have been, think about it and let it burn, let it hurt then promise yourself never again. Promise that this will never happen again, not if you have anything to say about it. Promise that as long as you live you will not stay silent as anyone feels this pain no matter their race, religion, or beliefs. Decide once and for all that this isn’t fair.

Displaying the palestinian flag and having one with you

It’s not uncommon for pagans, especially witches, to carry charms with them or on their person, it can be a sign of devotion or protection. So if you keep a symbol of Palestine with you it will remind you gently throughout your day that this will not go away. It's also a call to others to remember. Personally I have a bracelet that I made at the beginning of the genocide and I haven’t taken off since. I’m 50% irish/scottish and follow a lot of celtic paganism, knots are really important in celtic beliefs they’re strong, complex and can symbolize an everlasting devotion or connection. Having a knotted bracelet I made specifically with the intent of remembering Palestine in the flag’s colors is important to me and I will not take it off until I see a free Palestine.

Offerings to the wild/ learn

In general a lot of pagans make offerings to the wild without it being for a certain reason but it can’t hurt to put an intention around it. By offerings I’m not talking about blood sacrifices or anything crazy, tough people do that sometimes and honestly respect that level of commitment. I’m just talking about food scraps or planting seeds in your garden, you must remember to take care of your local wildlife too. Plant some wildflowers and as they grow remember that life finds a way, remember that the people we have lost live through you. Try and learn about Palestine before the occupation, learn about what they loved, what they feared and carry that with you, share it with other people. As long as you live and as long as you continue to speak, let it be for those who couldn’t make it, say their names and never stop growing your garden.

[eclecticwordblender]

Don't you get upset with desi gyns trying to bring justifications for their ""sanskari"" culture?

Also I think I'm going to have a hard time being friends with moid and hindu obsessed women here. No separatist women :(

i will answer both the paragraphs separately.

i have problems with the term "sanskaari" because it is rooted in some version of the madonna-whore binary (i’m sure there is a hindi term for this but english is my first language despite hindi being my mother tongue so i only know the english term). but i really would like to dissect what the woman means with the term sanskaari. honestly, my maternal grandmother often uses this term but more often than not she is referring to having non-aggressive behaviours or not dressing like a stripper (she is not asking anyone to not wear crop tops or shorts, this is more like dressing practically naked). so it really depends on the context.

that being said, sanskaars are closely associated with upholding culture and the responsibility of that is disproportionately (almost exclusively) assigned to women. so there’s a major problem. personally, as i have talked about before i have been very fortunate in terms of privilege. it is rather rare for someone to say things like thiin my bubble. my grandmother used the word sanskaari a couple of days back to refer to a male friend of mine who does a lot of housework and is generally the responsible sober driver after parties. so i don’t think i have experience being annoyed with that term, none that i can think of at the top of my head, but yes i get what you mean.

coming to the second part, i totally get what you mean. let me clarify i’m not a complete separatist myself. my separatism is rather limited to referring media created by women first and foremost, not engaging in any new romantic/sexual relationships and not making any new male friends. i have males in my life who i have known since before discovering radical feminism. i am rad leaning and agree with the ideologies but i haven’t adopted everything i preach irl as of yet.

that being said, hinduism and male obsessed women really do get on my nerves too. but you’ll actually be surprised how many women can be talked out of it! i do know that your are anti-intoxicants but i find the best way to get drunk or high and start talking feminist philosophy. more often than not, the girl is going to understand. she will probably admit that it would be difficult for her to adopt all this irl BUT SHE WILL UNDERSTAND AND SHE WILL BE A GOOD FRIEND. although i must admit that such experiences are also a product of my privileges. most male-centred women actually view feminism as a tool to make males better partners for them. if you cannot talk a woman out of this in 5 minutes, just leave her be. she cannot be reasoned with. she’s one of the few women patriarchy chooses to empower so as to posit that the emancipation of other women is not needed and that women have it easier. she doesn’t want to make it out of here.

you’ll probably not find many rad-fems in india. and it gets lonely so you need friends too. to resolve this paradox i make some provisions.

it’s okay to befriend a het-partnered woman, it is not okay to befriend a woman who thinks her heterosexual partner is "not like other men."

it is okay to befriend a religious woman, it is not okay to befriend a woman who tried to talk me into adopting her religion and one who votes on the basis of her religious beliefs.

it is okay to not cut off the old male connections i have but it is not okay to make new ones. if a woman alleges any one of my old male connections, i will believe her over any of them no matter what.

this is probably not the answer you were looking for but i just went on with whatever flow of thoughts i could gather.