#and it’s like honestly if someone needs religion to be a good person I’m like ok I’m glad they are being a better person

[nerdyqueerandjewish]

I’ve always been very interested in religion and spirituality because it’s fascinating that all different groups of humans all over the earth have developed religion and learning about it can teach us so much about humans and our complex needs. It has never been about if it’s true to me, it’s like a framework for understanding or a type of communal coping mechanism, and, like all frameworks or coping skills it has the ability to be helpful or harmful.

And with all the things a person sees nowadays with how our brains evolved to live in a very different world than we do now, like how we are bad at dealing with chronic stress from news and opinions being funneled into our brain constantly, it sort of baffles me that some people think that it’s a good idea to completely sever and discard one of the oldest ways of dealing with the randomness of life and vastness of the universe. Like, this isn’t about individual belief because I understand that some people don’t need this specific framework and they have other frameworks that help them process things, but to be like ah yes People As A Whole need to stop this Wide Ranging Human Thing That’s Existed Forever, even if they are practicing it in a non-harmful (and maybe even beneficial way). Like, be mad at the people who are using it to harm others and not people who are just chilling? Genuinely does not make sense to me

[domreader-headcannon-scenarios]

Hello! I really love your works sm, can i request a sfw or nsfw head cannons of the angels from WHB? Thank you!!

I’m so glad you liked them!! So I’m tryna write the angels as best I can Gabriel is the only one I’ve met outside of a event, I’ve seen the other two in the Halloween event! I like em but ngl they have…unique kinks I needed to google hifth

I hope you enjoy!!

Over all cw: blaspheme (I think?? ((Angels worshiping you)), death (not main characters), abuse of power

Sfw/nsft hcs on Angels!

-

Gabriel

Cw: inappropriate boners,

He basically a guard dog standing over your shoulder 24/7 to keep you safe, he calls you his ‘Lord/Lady/Highness’ and has an army of angels who think the same of you

He’s not very affectionate but if you just say ‘hold me/my hand’ or ‘kiss me’ he’d do it in a heart beat. As his God he only wants you pleased

He’s a terrible cook and somehow steals food and is terrifying good at getting away with it (it must be an angel thing??) he dosent even lie saying he made it, he’s just vague where it came from (only once have you caught him in the act and you made him apologize, but the person gave him the food regardless)

He dust a lot in your home and you cant help but notice the ‘home made’ duster he ‘found’ has feathers matching his wings…

Nsft

Canon Kink: Hierophilia; deriving sexual pleasure from religion, religious places and objects as well as find the act itself religious

He enjoys watching you participate in religious activities…maybe too much. He also finds pleasure in treating you as his god.

You jokingly thought of making him go to church, only for him to jump at the chance. He lowkey regretted it when you didn’t touch him, and made him stay squirming in his seat instead of helping him get off. He for whatever reason thought you’d let him jerk off or would touch him yourself as you were holy, nothing you did was wrong but…touching himself in this place is

You’ve actually caught him touching himself to you praying before, he got bashful upon getting caught but you swear you’ve heard him doing it after that, you just don’t catch him in the act (though you’ve caught him awkwardly standing by and adjusting himself)

He’s got a adorablely small and sensitive cock and he genuinely doesn’t need it touched to cum, roll it between your fingers for a few minutes and he’s trembling as he spills out all his cum

Michael

Cw: murder, inappropriate boners

He’s strict with everyone around you, but not you, in his eyes you are the law since he serves only you, you cant do wrong

He’s terrible if you have guest, he demands they now to you and though he’ll settle if you tell him to, he watches them like a hawk and makes sure nothing gets out of hand

You see that leash? If you get mad and pull on it, he will calm down and you have his full attention, give it another tug downwards, and he’ll drop to his knees in front of you, and anyone else in the room

He likes brushing and styling your hair, he’ll try to help you bathe, insisting you don’t need to lift a finger, he will take care of everything, just relax

Nsft

Canon Kink: Erotophonophilia; ‘Muder kink’, deriving sexual gratification from killing or watching someone get killed (BOY IS THIS A HARD KINK TO CASUALLY WORK WOTH)

If push comes to shove he has a habit of killing people who harass you too much/threaten you, but he gets…really excited afterwards and is pressing his thighs together to hide his erection, especially if you’re clearly not in the mood

You’ve seen him get in fights while still aroused from the last kill an honestly, when in public you sometimes just force a chastity cage on him to discourage him acting out

Though he believes self pleasure, or just the act in general is…sinful, he will do anything for you with no qualms, he only feels good when you touch him anyway

He suffered from wet dreams whenever you’re around him or he has objects with your scent

When he want to fool around desperately he will walk right up to you, kneel and beg you to touch his neither regions, stroking, slapping, pinching, doesn’t matter as long as you touch him

Raphael

Cw: messy kitchens, messy person, furniture abuse,

He’s messy and kinda gets annoying at times since he discovered how much fun it is to smash condiment packages

He’s good about cleaning, and he even cooks to make up for the mess…but he’s a sloppy cook too but at least it’s not intentional this time

He doesn’t understand that the furniture isn’t trying to hurt you and doesn’t need to be punished. He’s broken threee tables, one bed post and five chairs since he’s moved to being your ‘Guardian Angel’, all for tripping you or you stubbed your toe on them

He’s not affectionate but he’s not distant, he just follows your lead, he stands close by and if you ask him to come over he flops in your lap and looks up at you like a puppy. He likes when you watch tv and let him lay across your lap, he falls asleep easily that way

Nsft

Canon Kink: Automysophilia; getting sexual gratification from defiling oneself, being dirty or defiled

He enjoys getting messy with cum, blood, dirt, just about anything. He will be blissed if you strip him and cover him in…well it’s up to you ;)

He has no qualms with jerking off in front of you if you don’t want to touch him while he’s too messy, but he wants you to be fully clothed while he’s sprawled out naked in front of you

He’s fucked slime before since it feels…weirdly good around his shaft, to the point he gets excited when he sees it around the house. You had to punish him for thinking he could ‘fool around’ with it then hide it away again

He’s got a very sensitive halo, while other angels get off to them being touched like a devils horns, he avoids it since it brings him to his knees in seconds

[eepy-evie]

Twisted Wonderland Senior Headcanons

A/N: i am very tired as i write this, BIBI is saving my life force. I just got screamed at by my mom but the fans (no one) can’t wait 😎. Im sorry Lilia’s is kind of short, im pretty high and have been pushing this off for days.

Contents: Various non romantic headcanons for the seniors in TWST

Trigger warnings (if any): Religion mentions (Trey’s + Leona’s + Vil’s + Rook’s + Idia’s part), eating disorders (Vil’s part), stalking mentions (Rook’s part… no surprise), minor adult themes (idia’s part)

Trey Clover

I might have this feeling only because i also bake but he has beef with multiple people about bread.

Like i mean people spreading misinformation (NO YOU DO NOT NEED TO ADD SUGAR INTO BREAD, IT DOESN’T DO MUCH)

Besides my personal beef with ig bakers…

He doesn’t listen to music, lofi background stuff at best.

He’d listen to anything someone put on with no complaint but he doesn’t feel the need for music for mundane things

With his obsession with brushing teeth i feel like he loves mint

Like i mean spearmint gum constantly, mint chocolate chip ice cream, idk mint leaves in drinks?

Bro can not understand if someone else doesn’t like mint

I believe he is an Atheist living in a Christian household

Its probably brought up rarely but he just doesn’t really believe that saying grace before dinner does anything

I think he’s way too empathetic for his own good, i mean like excusing lots of harmful things due to how someone was raised

(Totally didn’t mean to refer to Riddle but whatevs)

Cater Diamond

Get this man into kpop NOW

I feel he is rivaling Idia with his, honestly abusive, amount of slang

I dont think anyone who isn’t chronically online could stand to hear his thoughts

Or who isn’t insanely mentally unstable

But he pulls shit like “she=onika ate=burgers” every single chance he gets

Which i wont blame him for that, i pull medieval slang every second i can too

He loves brittany broski with his whole heart and soul

Not only is she funny as hell but she can also be very serious in a blink of an eye

On the low he enjoys those insider videos

He likes watching them and pausing them to argue the point to no one

Going back to kpop briefly…

He loves Aespa

Do i know any of the members of Aespa to tell you my assumed bias? No.

Also loves Zerobaseone

Ricky bias

Although i may be biased (oh my a silly pun, you scoundrel)

I do believe that he is a funny person but he is very repressed

I dont mean to make this a whole angst post but he genuinely doesn’t understand how he can express it

He is very sensitive to rejection so i think that leads him to extreme lengths to be liked

And I’m not just talking about how he acts a certain way to please others

I mean a deep rooted guilt for not being what someone wanted

Leona Kingscholar

…all my headcanons for him are purely how I’d personally treat him

Someone get this man a mukbang video and a comfy bed

He barely listens to music but when he does its some rnb stuff

He doesnt care for stuff thats too loud but he does like soft music even if he isnt open about it

I need to make him see nekomimi switch, twitter.gov, and anything else that has catgirls/boys so i can see his reaction

I dont think he holds many physical attributes to lions besides the ears, tail, and teeth but he most definitely holds many reactions and other stuff

Like he is literally sleeping in a garden most the time

He has long(er) nails and hates cutting them

Erm… idk man

I think he had a big Religious breakdown in his childhood

I dont really know what Religion he’d be to start with(due to my lack of knowledge of Religion in Africa) but he’d have the whole moment of betrayal

And then he’s completely Atheist for the rest of his life

Vil Schoenheit

He has a side account where he responds to all his hate comments

For music taste… hear me out…

He likes, on the low, vkei

But no metal like kaneto juusei or gulu gulu I mean malice mizer

He enjoys the instrumental along with the twists they take on classical

Moi meme motie x Vil Schoenheit collab when???

He 100% doesn’t express it though, he tells the public he likes whatever’s popular

I feel like, this may or may not be me projecting, he’s a hellenist

Obviously worshipping Aphrodite and has an altar for her which he never publicly speaks of but is not hiding

heres a bit of TW for eds + that type of stuff

I feel like he has an extremely bad relationship with food

He doesnt see it as something to nourish your body but instead a sort of numbers game

Like with a limit of however much someone says and the whole game is to stay under that number in calories

Besides that i feel he’s very orthorexic to the point he’d refuse to eat something if it looked too “bad” to him

(End of tw)

I know he has a very argued gender identity but i dont think he’s too confused by it

He’s very firm that he is who he is and he never seemed to have much of an inside problem with it

Maybe he got poked fun at a few times but thats all his problems with it

Rook Hunt

Get this man away from me

He is in many fandoms and somehow knows everything going on all the time

Bro personally took down Nayeon’s stalker by himself

But seriously i dont think his intentions are bad, i think he is just trying to be on top of everything in the worst was possible

He doesn’t really think its creepy himself but most the time he is

He is also a Hellenist who worships Aphrodite but also Artemis

He is so very open about his Religion

He makes those hopecore videos on tiktok and has amassed 10k followers but no one knows its him

Yearns to be in the south/midwest for the scenery

Just yearns in general

Bro is single handedly bringing back male yearning and being chalant

Saw bridgerton as a normal tuesday for him

1000 hours on c.ai

I will not, and should not, elaborate.

Is that projecting? Yes. Do i care? No.

He has the longest and some how most effective body/skincare routine ever

I mean like he’d do some shit like “once in a blue moon bath in pure hyaluronic acid for 2.5 hours on the dot”

He loves absolutely everything on everyone and its to a detriment to me personally

Hooked nose? Loved. Chubby? Love. Literally anything unconventional? Consider yourself yearned for.

He listens to anything and everything

Although he cant stand songs about break ups or anything to do with hate

Put this man on “doughnut” by TWICE now.

Idia Shroud

Yes… give me this nerdy man…

He 100% (mostly canon) loves jpop idols

Prolly an akb48 stan

I cant even get started on everything he likes

But i can tell y’all 100% that he is not overly flirty or overly easy to fluster

Istg all i see is either big dom idia or uwu shy boy idia

And both are wrong (in my opinion ig)

He starts arguments about anything and everything in game chats

Because he’s grown up in this big company family he was forced to appear better that how he truly acts so i believe that would also entail with being a die hard hellenist

But without any spotlights he does care, he just likes his games and anime

Speaking of anime…

He loves shoujo, he’s in hiding though

He literally wants to be sawako from “from me to you” but will never say it

Somebody come get this man

If anyone asks he just loves Naruto and One Piece

But we know the truth…

Istg he plays an absurd amount of eroges for the plot

He’s depraved on twitter

Two accounts, one for public image and the other for the unspeakable

Do NOT let him find any dating advice on there cause he will take it and act like a fool

He loves breakcore music and anime intros and thats about it

Besides his jpop idols

I dont think he like kpop, for some reason he just has a grudge against some fans

A little self insert but he 100% has autism (as we all know…) but he also has arfid

For those who dont know… arfid is “avoidant restrictive food intake disorder” which is like you are a very picky eater

He aint struggling with it, he succeeding (LYING)

Malleus Draconia

Get this man a cat or some shit like that

Can someone please make him watch all of aphmau Minecraft diaries and then twilight back to back

This strange individual has that man from the notebook shaking in fear

Bros a hopeful romantic

Randomly says inspiration quotes that you cant find anywhere online

It just came from his heart

He only listens to classical songs he knows how to play

Though i’d doubt if you showed him something he’d dislike it

Bros the yearner

I showed up to the yearning contest and went into anaphylactic shock at the sight of him there

He has honestly researched every single religion for fun

Highlight god damn bible verses for no reason

He needs to make an iceberg of every single religion and why they are good/bad

I just know he has an insane knowledge of lore in any book he’s ever read

Please make him watch smiling friends

You’d have to pause every 5 seconds so he can process it

You could make him do anything tbh, just be like “you should come watch *whatever it is* with me” and bro is outside your door

For shame with the amazing attention towards practically anyone who shows anything besides fear or hatred comes the fact he is unaware of most modern things

He has a tamagotchi and thats it man, get him a 3ds at least

He cant use a phone, cant use a computer, and barely understands the concept of social media

But at least he has the spirit to learn

Lilia Vanrouge

Do i even put him as a senior?

Bro is pushing some mystical number that no one knows

He’s like one of those grandmas that never mention their age and whenever its brought up all they say is “never ask a woman her age”

… perchance a bit controversial but i think he’s bad at cooking on purpose

Ain’t no way someone fucks up cooking THAT bad

I think he really likes horror games

And i dont mean those shitty mascot horrors like poppys playtime

I mean fatal frame, faith, and visage type shit

He listens to breakcore too

I dont make the rules

Hes a gamer grandpa so he either has to have pretty good taste in games/music or the absolute worst

HE’D LOVE GULU GULU AND VKEI

Hes practically already mana sama

Hes got all the moi meme motie dresses

Get grandpa off taobao NOW

I want my nyanya madoka dress, and i will not be stopped by some twinkish old man.

[vintagetimetarot]

What will your December be like? ❄️☃️ (Christmas themed) + love messages ♡︎

Hello everyone! Before I take my hiatus, I wanted to give y’all a reading to make up for not answering asks, or them being put on hold. Today I decided to make a monthly reading, and I added some love messages as well if you are interested, and to again make up for the lack of asks answered. Let’s get to it! (Also, I know this is Christmas themed, but you don’t have to be a certain religion for this reading at all, I’m not even Christian myself.) take what resonates and simply disregard what doesn’t. Pick a vintage Christmas album below!

Pile 1: I feel like the overall theme for your month is that you need to let go of the negatives currently going on in your life and what is making you dissatisfied. I see you guys might also have seasonal depression? But anyways. You’re gonna have to work very hard to make this a good month. I feel like you are struggling to stay positive or be happy right now, and if you don’t fix this it’ll just carry on into the next month. The cards suggest you can have a great month by putting yourself out there more in all aspects of your life. Go for that job you want! Kiss that guy/girl you like! Follow your dreams! But also be realistic with yourself and revaluate what you want first for this month, before you plan to pursue. You still have a couple weeks! I see this being a balanced month for you when you work hard. I think you’ll be improving in your job/school studies this month, regardless of what happens. I also think your personal relationships will be growing more this month, I think new people are going to enter your life. But I’m getting that you guys are guarded, but let these people in! They aren’t here to sabotage you. This will be a month of personal growth and divine timing and retribution for you, take it how it resonates. In terms of love this month, I see you exploring your romantic feelings, but this mainly will be about staying optimistic about your love life and working on self love this month. Love can’t fully come into your life if you can’t love yourself first for right now! Sorry if this was quite short, but this is all I got, I hope this resonated.

Pile 2: I think December is going to a very happy and successful mont for you. You may find yourself spending time and improving relationships with your family and friends. I also see your manifestations coming to fruition, whatever they are, this is your message that it’s coming this month! Things are being worked on behind the scenes. But these could be delayed if you keep up a lack of faith, which I see most of you guys have right now. Just because your manifestations don’t come ASAP doesn’t mean they aren’t coming. I see you making new friends this month, your social circle is going to expand greatly. I think you’ve been not your best lately, and that cycle is going to come to an end this month. I think this is mainly because you are learning to accept help from others. Things overall are just going to go smoothly this month, especially the holidays will be a healing time for you. In terms of love, I see that you make be deceived on what you have convinced yourself is happening right now, very specific message, but if you have an ex, they may be trying to win you back this month, but don’t fall for it. You two broke up for a reason. For those who are single, I think someone in your life currently is going to want to take things to a serious level with you. This is the time to express your love and not hold back, so things work out. I honestly feel like this is more casual and more familial like love, I’m not getting the vibe of a HUGE romantic month honestly. But it’s still gonna be great. That’s all I got, I hope this resonated!

Pile 3: This month is going to be go fast, and major change is going to happen. This is change you’ve been waiting for, but it won’t happen out of nowhere, YOU are gonna make the changes yourself believe it or not this month. Whatever you’ve been waiting for this what this is. You may find people being kinder to you and more generous this month. I think you are going to be extremely productive in terms of work/school. I think you are also going to make a significant connection while you’re at it in this area of life while you increase in productivity. I see you turning your back on things that don’t serve you anymore and finally taking the lead. This could be unhealthy relationships, stepping up your game in work/school, leaving a home environment or area that caused you turmoil, and more. You’ll be faced to make big choices this month as well, which will have large effects. In regards to love, I think you still need to wait or put a pause on that. Good things are coming, but not this month in love. You’ll be very focused on material things for now. The universe is just taking its time to make sure it all works out, and give you the best romantic situation possible. In terms of romance, you could be thinking about past relationships and exes, which is why you aren’t ready for something new yet. I think you are still inexperienced when it comes to love. Your reading is quite short, this month won’t be too eventful, but things will still change. That’s all I got, hope it resonates.

Pile 4: I think you guys are suffering right now. A lot. The past year or months might have been really rough on you. But this month, things will change, I promise. I think you may take a trip this month and that is going to be very healing for you. Or your travel life (small or big) will help you a lot this month. Your relationships will be crucial this month, all around. I think your messages will improve this month drastically, especially if they were previously causing you turmoil. I think many problems are going to get resolved this month, but with time more than anything. I see your mental state improving and getting out of this self deprecating mindset. I think with your relationships, you’ll become better at resolving conflict this you. In terms of romance, it’s safe for you to love. I think you’ll actually have people admiring you and pursuing you romantically more this month. For example, you may notice people flirting with you more. I don’t see this as straight up relationships left and right, but you’ll be discovering and exploring more of your romantic feelings this month. You’ll decide what you really want or will be, and that’s why you probably won’t be pursuing a relationship. I didn’t get much for this pile, so I advise you to go to another pile you were drawn to for more information on this month. That’s all I got, I hope this resonates.

[captain-mj]

PLEASE write the character analysis for graves, i’m so invested in this

a little late but I really wanted to make this!

Graves was born in Texas to a not so well off family. They were poor in the way most people were at the time. One missed paycheck or too big emergency and everything would crumble. His family consisted of three kids. Graves being the youngest.

His mom didn't hide that he was not her favorite child. Due to her status, there was a ton of praise, but it came with a double edged sword of cutting remarks when people wouldn't notice. Everything was scrutinized. His actions ripped to shreds and put under a microscope. Always searching for something wrong.

She used religion as a weapon. He had to be godly. Holy. Never commit a sin. Never want for more. Greed, even for something as free as affectionate, was punished. Resting his aching body was sloth. He never made a fool enough of himself to look at men with lust. His hide had been tanned more times than he ever wanted to think about and the concept of privacy was non existent most of his life.

Graves saw it as her trying to make him a better man. Clearly that's what she wanted. His father was distant. Always finding excuses to not be around any of his kids. He looked at him with something just a step above disdain.

Grave had tried to emulate that with his Shadows when he started. It's how his father garnered his respect, clearly that's how he could too. Instead, it made them look at him like he'd scream at them. Not fearful. No. More... annoyed. As if he was a dog that would bark and snap and snarl for no reason but wouldn't bite them.

He started to act more like his older sister. Only with them. Friendlier. It felt clumsy from disuse.

In high school, he had been popular. He had charm, personality, looks. Maybe not so much height as he stopped firmly at 5'7 until senior year when he got the last two inches before stopping permanently. People liked him. He was smart, always willing to tutor, always trying to be better. His father always looked at him the same. HIs mom showed pride when she could show it off.

Graves made sure when someone did anything, he told them he was proud. That he was happy for them. Truly. He loved people most of the time.

His door had a double lock on it at all times. One with a key and a deadbolt. No one entered his room.

His parents didn't fight. Not truly. His father would have to engage for that.

Graves remembered the one day he did. He screamed at her. Something about his sister. He wasn't sure.

Traditional values were important. So important. Always stand by family. God comes first. Men are the heads of the household and women were homemakers.

Graves tried once. The lady was nice enough. Wanted four kids and to stay home. Everything he needed for his mom's life plan for him.

She was perfect honestly. Men told Graves constantly how lucky he was. And they were great friends. But when they kissed, when they held hands or when they touched, there was so clearly something missing. Graves refused acknowledge that his eyes lingered on men. That sharing a drink with one of his guy's did something for him that she just couldn't seem to.

First time they had sex, he couldn't look her in the eye. He still remembered the conversation they had afterwards. She was a good woman. Everything a christian should be. Graves found religion slipping from him day by day, but he'd always remember the way her cross necklace had glittered at him.

She had asked him gently what he was thinking about.

Graves wanted to tell her he felt ashamed of the sin they committed or that he just had trouble getting it up. Instead, he sobbed, the second time he could ever remember crying in front of someone, and admitted he was thinking of a friend of his from the church. One of his guy ones.

She had pet his hair and let him get it all out before telling him it was over between them. They lived together as roommates for six more months. Their dynamic barely changed. They still watched movies and still split the chores the same way because Graves had never felt comfortable being idle.

His father had sat on his chair every night. The kids rushing around him to clean everything. Always at risk of being screamed at by their moms if their chores weren't done fast enough.

Personally, he could never stomach just sitting there. If he ever had kids, a thought that felt more and more foreign, he would never just let his wife handle everything. He'd never call his daughter a slut or interrogate his son for being a faggot.

Graves started going by Graves instead of his actual last name in high school. One day, right after he turned 18, he changed his last name. He never told his family. Why should he?

When he told them he wanted to go into the military, his father looked proud of him. It drove him for years before one day, he looked around and it hit him. He was right back where he was as a child. With people yelling at him and forcing him to do things and at some point, he grew up in a way no one else did.

Graves was tired of that. He left. He started his own company. He picked his Shadows carefully. And it was going to be better.

It was. Then he dealt with death for the first time.

The Shadow's name was Dillon and he was from his hometown. Graves cried at his funeral. His mother told him to man up. His father hadn't talked to him since he left the military.

Graves didn't go to any funerals in that area again.

His mother called him to let him know his father died. He didn't cry.

Graves didn't cry when his mother went into the ground either.

He cried for each of his Shadows. He cried when he realized God was a foreign concept to him.

The aftermath of Los Almas was the worst few weeks of his life. Yes, he wanted to blame the 141. But he understood it. Survival was important. He couldn't seem to get the wrath in his soul to stay.

So he let it go. He became friends with Farah and Alex. Met Price. He refused to apologize for what he did, but Price seemed to accept it the same way he did. It just wasn't worth staying angry at some point.

Maybe it wasn't healthy.

Graves had been.... not quite out. No one asked so no one knew. Mila said he was in a glass closet but that didn't feel quite right. It implied everyone could tell.

Graves didn't like that. Not out of shame. Just... he was a private person. His room had three locks.

At some point, he gave the key to Price. It was more symbolic than anything. Until Graves kept the other locks unlocked so it actually worked. Anyone could knock at any point, but only Price could just walk in. Not that he ever did. He always knocked.

Graves and Price split the chores in the house. Neither wanted kids. It was nothing like his mother's life plan. It was perfect.

[laughroditee]

Okay, so this is a screenshot of Barry Sloane’s Spotify playlist that he made for Captain Price. He included “Closer” by Nine Inch Nails, which I thought was very interesting. I’d given some thoughts on a previous post reblogged from @staytrueblue about what I thought concerning the implications of its inclusion, but I thought it would be fun to make a headcanon of just how closer!price would show up in bed in fics. I wrote a lot of this at 3 AM when I was plagued with sudden insomnia, so I apologize if anything is hard to follow or, conversely, over-explanative. My brain juices are very bad. I hope I’m doing this right.

So, let’s take a look at the song lyrics in chunks and apply them to Price.

CW: we get a little religious, but it’s more like him worshipping you and not an actual religion. I just thought I’d warn you if that sort of talk bothers you. (It’s in the song lyrics, so…)

You let me violate you You let me desecrate you You let me penetrate you You let me complicate you

So we have some pretty negative, violent words here like “violate,” “penetrate” (which, we know what that means in this context obviously), and “complicate.” Still, it’s the inclusion of “desecrate” that I want to focus on here. To desecrate something is to “to treat a sacred place or thing with violent disrespect” meaning that closer!price views you as something sacred. Conversely, he’s applying all of these negative, violent words to himself, turning himself into not only an aggressor but one who acts against divine or holy things. In other words, he sees himself as a sinner or something profane. (We’re moving with the vocabulary of the song here.)

So why would closer!price think of himself in this way? Well, let’s look at one of his quotes from Modern Warfare (2019):

"We get dirty and the world stays clean. That's the mission."

John chooses to make this soul-sacrifice willingly. And he chooses this every time so that other people don't have to. This is His Duty™️. And he does it without complaint. But just because you choose something doesn't mean you like it. John is always driven to do The Right Thing™️, at least by his own moral compass, even if it means disobeying orders or shooting a US General in the face for betraying his team. (Chaotic Good king.) However, no choice is without consequence, even if it's merely subconscious. So, going by this line, closer!price views himself as dirty, and I think it's more than just blood on his hands. The atrocities he’s performed in order to protect his country and the world take their toll on the soul. But he accepts that.

At the same time, closer!price sees you as clean. He thinks you're out of his league, that he doesn't deserve you. He could be almost apologetic about wanting to be with you at first, not wanting to disrupt your nice and clean life with the darkness of war that lives within him. He might even resist you for as long as possible.

(Honestly a lot of this runs parallel to how I tend to interpret Simon, but there are a lot of differences there too. Simon, I think wears his dark underbelly very openly – just look at the guy’s design FFS, and personality. But Price’s shadow seems less obvious than Simon’s, and maybe that’s due to the latter’s additional childhood trauma on top of his military trauma.)

Getting back to the lyrics, let’s narrow in on the first parts of those lyrics: “you let me.” closer!price needs your consent, because if you let him “violate/desecrate/penetrate/complicate” you, someone so pure in his eyes, taking such a miserable sinner like him into their body, then he must have some chance at redemption. The path to his absolution lies in your acceptance of him into your body.

I broke apart my insides (Help me) I've got no soul to sell (Help me) the only thing that works for me Help me get away from myself

We get more into the broken/soulless imagery here, and his desperate desire to escape himself. Where else would he escape to but into you?

closer!price would probably want someone outside of the military, a safe haven when he's home and away from the battlefield. He wants to have a piece of that world he's keeping clean, even if he doesn't feel like he deserves it and feels separate from it. You are his link to his own humanity, which he feels is actively eroding with every mission.

closer!price would think you're cute talking about your normal civilian life, but not in a patronizing way. He takes it as evidence that his sacrifice is worth it. That, because your life is quiet and mundane, he’s doing his job right.

closer!price would also try to keep you as far away from his work life as possible, to protect you and keep you clean, not for him but for your own good.

I wanna fuck you like an animal I wanna feel you from the inside I wanna fuck you like an animal

Barry also included many songs on the playlist with “beast” in the title, which goes back to the whole “I’m not human, I’m an animal” thing, echoing that loss of humanity.

My whole existence is flawed You get me closer to God

closer!price may not be a religious man, but fucking you is transcendental for him. Every time is a blessing. Every noise you make is a benediction.

He isn't needy as much as he becomes existential, as if being inside you were a matter of his continued existence on this plane. He becomes weak in this moment because this becomes a fight for his soul. (Not that he would force anything, because that's not okay.)

He would worship your body, your temple, filling you with his cum as if this is how you draw the sins out of his body. And he is absolved. For now.

You can have my isolation You can have the hate that it brings You can have my absence of faith You can have my everything

Here, we’re seeing this idea of giving over to the divine (which is you). The stripping away of all the bullshit that’s in closer!price’s head as he’s lost in fucking you.

you tear down my reason (Help me) it's your sex I can smell (Help me) you make me perfect Help me become somebody else

Here, you can see him getting more animalistic or primal from the loss of his ability to reason (what are humans known for if not their power to reason?) to enhanced senses. You take away all of that for closer!price in an all-encompassing, deconstructive way. He sheds his identity when he’s with you, that identity of “Captain Price, soldier.” This is more of a “universal oneness” concept than a Biblical God here IMO; “help me become somebody else” is a plea for rebirth.

I wanna fuck you like an animal I wanna feel you from the inside I wanna fuck you like an animal My whole existence is flawed You get me closer to God Through every forest Above the trees Within my stomach Scraped off my knees I drink the honey Inside your hive You are the reason I stay alive

Boy’s not afraid to kneel. He will treat you like the deity you are. He basically lives for your p/bussy and is a giant fucking munch; I don’t know what else to say.

[sabrgirl]

Say, ‘O People of the Book! Why do you turn the believers away from the path of Allah, seeking to make it crooked, while you are witnesses thereof? And Allah is not unmindful of what you do.’ (3:100).

it honestly breaks my heart seeing so many muslims hating on other muslims on social media— especially the hate muslim women get. when will the world change? are we not the final religion of Allah? but we’re hating on our own people like this? why so hard to be kind?

do not doubt the power of prayer. simply praying for Allah سُبْحَٰنَهُۥ وَتَعَٰلَىٰ to guide someone will not only work wonders, but YOU will also get the reward for praying for someone! by doing so, the angels will pray for you! but instead, it’s almost every comment section you open on a muslim video/post that there’s someone hating and judging as a way of ‘guiding’ someone. it is so heartbreaking. people have left islam. let that sink in. people have left the religion of Allah because someone decided to hate and judge them, rather than pray for their guidance and kindly advise them on the right path. what a thing to be held accountable for on the day of judgement! leading somebody astray! may Allah protect us all!

and now, i’m even seeing non-muslims hating on islam because they are seeing what muslims are saying to other muslims. instead of showing what the religion of Allah is like, what the community is like, we are turning people away and inviting people to be islamophobic. just because you thought you were guiding someone by being incredibly rude and disrespectful.

it’s also extremely arrogant. Allah has guided YOU and this is how you repay Him? YOU could have been that same person you are judging but instead Allah bestowed knowledge and guidance upon you, and you’re using that blessing to hate on other people. if you think someone can do better as a muslim, make a quick sincere du’a that Allah guides them on the right path and helps them stop doing that bad deed. and if you really want to speak to them, be. kind. you have no idea what people are going through in this life. maybe they are crying in the night because they really want to drop that bad deed and have zero hope, and your hate was the final straw to give up. have you not sinned in life? can you say right now to yourself, ‘if I die at this very second, I know that I am 100% going to jannatul firdous?’. if the answer is no, which it is, then understand that there are proper ways to advise people on the right path. we are not perfect human beings. we have all made mistakes in life. may Allah forgive us all. so understand that the next time you see someone who should be doing better in their deen and realise that the very fact that you can see a flaw in someone else means that you have been blessed with guidance and knowledge from the Gracious Allah. so use that blessing and guidance wisely and do not let it turn into a sin. do not end up sinning by hating on people and judging them so harshly by being rude on the internet or in real life and making people struggle even more with this bad deed or turn away completely as a result. this is not how our beloved Prophet ﷺ invited people to Islam, this is not how he advised people. he was the most kindest person and if we really want to be righteous, we need to follow the sunnah, follow in his footsteps. pray for the people you see that can be doing better so that your blessings increase and they can come closer to Allah and be guided. speak to them kindly. tell them respectfully why what they’re doing is wrong and kindly tell them what they can do to improve. relate your own experiences and struggles without exposing your own sins, explain things you do that help you. share useful resources to help them on their journey. start islamic pages on social media to share islamic guidance and advice. share verses from the Qur’an and kindly explain the interpretation and why Allah has made doing this good deed/abstaining from this bad deed obligatory and what benefits they have by following, what benefits they have on you. tell them that you understand that no one is perfect and that you merely mean to help them be a better muslim and see them in jannah. respectfully acknowledge that they could genuinely be struggling and make many many du’as and pray for them in your sujoods if you truly want them to be better. actually be a useful helping hand. and if you don’t want to do any of this, do not say anything at all and carry on with your day.

at the end of the day, Allah guides whomsoever He pleases to the right path (2:214). you can hate and judge all you want but at the end of the day, if Allah does not want to guide that person, they will not be guided—but where does that leave you? with more bad deeds because you weren’t kind to the creation and attempted to turn someone away from islam with your words, whether you intended to or not. we have rights upon each other. please. please be kind.

[atheneum-of-you]

Hi! I’m still sort of new to Hellenic Polytheism, and I’ve read your recent posts; I’m wondering, what even is a priestess when it comes to Hellenic Polytheism? Like, what do they do? I know it’s not a very popular religion/widespread/one that you see in the wild, so how would you go about day-to-day priestess-hood or becoming a priestess?

Thanks in advance, and much love to you,

Anon

Good question! I've been wanting to make a large post on priestesshood and I intend to soon but I think answering this question would be a great little introduction to the topic! Please keep in mind that this is my understanding of priestesshood and comes from my own research, I always encourage everyone to look into things themselves and double check their sources!

So modern-day priestesshood would honestly be quite different from how it was conducted in ancient Greece. Priestesshood was a station within hellenic temples that could be bought by well-off families or born into. This was during times when our gods' temples were still standing in all of their glory. Of course, now that isn't so much the case, but the religion has survived and adapted to the changes in time, and therefore, certain views and methods also change.

To become the priestess of a god is something I would consider a full time devotee. Someone whose life is tasked with acts of devotion in that god's name and honor. A priestess of Aphrodite might become one of her sacred whores, a priestess of Demeter may live rurally and grow crops to provide and offer, a priestess of Hades may become a death worker (PLEASE heavily research that topic itself if it is a path you choose as not everyone can become one and it is considered a closed practice by degrees) or a baneful worker, etc.

For me, being a priestess of Hermes would essentially be the equivalent of a mail carrier lmao! As Hermes is the messenger of the gods, so too would his underlings be tasked with delivering messages. This can include divination or receiving messages from him personally to deliver with or without context. This can also mean being a conduit for others to deliver their messages to their gods. Additionally, a priestess of Hermes would be someone that spreads knowledge and information freely to others, helps those that need it, etc. The point being, a priestess's duties would fall in line with their god's attributes.

Naturally, you don't need to be a priestess to perform these acts. You can simply do them as a devotee. The major divergence would be willful devotional acts, vs devotional duties. Priestesshood is a commitment to that god, to carry their name and carry out duties in their name. I hope that makes sense!

[stardustprompts]

the kingdom of copper  (  the daevabad trilogy book 2 )  -   s. a. chakraborty change tenses/pronouns as needed !!  some lines have been edited for clarity / length / ease of roleplaying     tw ;  death ,  violence ,  religion mention 

‘keep your sense of humor. you’re going to need it.’

‘you look like you’re about to be sick.’

‘you don’t look fine. you’re trembling.’

‘are you afraid of me?’

‘quite frankly, you terrify me and I wouldn’t mind staying on your good side.’

‘you’d be amazed by the things a person can do to survive.’

‘if I’ve not said it lately, I think I hate you.’

‘I find the idiotic rumors enjoyable.’

‘the ( ____ ) do not need a reason to be violent. it is their nature.’

‘you have the look of someone freshly scolded.’

‘I wish you would talk to me.’

‘I feel like I have no idea what goes on in your head.’

‘you have more walls up than a maze.’

‘I can always count on you to honestly insult me.’

‘nothing’s going to happen to you, I swear. I won’t let it, and I’m obnoxiously honorable about these things.’

‘affection is a weakness for people like us, a thing to be concealed from those who would harm us.’

‘a threat to a loved one is a more effective method of control than weeks of torture.’

‘your affections are yours. but do not let them be a weakness. in any way.’

‘I don’t trust you. I don’t trust myself with you.’

‘that’s not a weakness i intent to let drag me down.’

‘you should be proud. not many people can outwit me, but you? you had me believing you were my friend until the very end.’

‘is this enough for you, then? you’ve intruded upon my privacy to dredge up the worst night of my life. is there anything else?’

‘liar. oh, do you not like being called a liar?’

‘I want to go home.’

‘you don’t need to be a weapon to be an asset.’

‘I know you don’t trust me. I know we have our differences. but this? this goes beyond all that. I need you to tell me the truth.’

‘I reward loyalty—- I don’t terrorize people into it.’

‘i’ll not forget what you did tonight.’

‘whether or not I need to know more was not your decision to make.’

‘I need at least one person I can trust, one person who will tell me the truth no matter what.’

‘it breaks my heart when I remember the man you used to be.’

‘I didn’t mean it like that. I only meant that I wouldn’t have blamed you for wanting me dead.’

‘wanting you dead and actually killing you are very different things. and I’m no murderer.’

‘i’m no murderer.’

‘glad to know you’re just as brutal when you’re being honest as you are when lying.’

‘I couldn’t take that risk. you’re not the only one with a duty.’

‘surely you can lie better than that.’

‘why are you looking at me like that? it is alarming.’

‘you owe me a debt. I don’t intend to let it go unpaid.’

‘a partnership founded in deceit is no partnership at all.’

‘I would not wish to lie and bring you into danger unwarned.’

‘saving a life and taking one are very different matters.’

‘I don’t think (name) will ever look at me the same way again. I don’t think anyone will.’

‘I wish I could tell you that it becomes easier.’

‘I suppose our reputations are small prices to pay if it means our people will be safe.’

‘grief clouds the mind, makes people say terrible things.’

‘does it get easier?’

‘you will make us monsters.’

‘you will make us monsters. that is what we are if you let this happen… and that’s not a reputation you’ll ever lose.’

‘then we will be monsters.’

‘then we will be monsters. I will pay that price to end this war.’

‘you do know that most people sleep at night, yes?’

‘you know nothing about me.’

‘it’s such a monumentally absurd story—- even for you—- to concoct that I’m assuming there’s a chance it’s the truth.’

‘there are always people to save. and always cunning men and women around who find a way to take advantage of that duty and harness it into power.’

‘are you asking questions now? I thought all you did was obey.’

‘you would make for a better companion if you were clever.’

‘i’m sick and tired of acting like the only way to save our people is to cut down all who might oppose us, as if our enemies won’t return the favor the instant power shifts.’

‘I suppose I’ve forgotten there are situations for which kindness is the most powerful weapon.’

‘i’m so tired of this. all this plotting and scheming just to keep breathing. it feels like I’m treading water … and, god, do I want to rest.’

‘I think that’s the nicest thing you’ve ever said to me.’

‘you’ll always owe me. I have a talent for extending the debts of powerful people indefinitely.’

‘you can’t fight him. he is capable of things you can’t imagine. he’ll destroy you.’

‘go and steal some happiness for yourself. trust me when I say the chance doesn’t always come back.’

‘oh, do you not enjoy being embarrassed? that’s odd, as you don’t seem to mind doing it to me.’

‘what do you know about grief? who have you lost, (name)?’

‘who have you lost? whose died in your arms? who have you begged to come back, to look at you one last time?’

‘I almost believed it, you know? your act.’

‘don’t you fucking die, (name).’

‘are you going to stick a dagger in my back and run off the moment I tell you?’

‘can we try being on the same side for one night?’

‘can we fight about this later?’

‘I should have been here. this is all my fault.’

‘I promise you—- you’re safe now.’

‘I know what it’s like to have ambitions, to be the cleverest in the room— and have those ambitions crushed.’

‘I know what it’s like to have men who are less than you bully and threaten you into a place you know you don’t belong.’

‘the things I could teach you; you’d be a goddess. you’d never have to lower your head again.’

[casuallyimagining]

Fallen (1) | myg

Min Yoongi x Female Reader

Summary: If the road to hell is paved with good intentions, then where does that leave you? Spurned by your ex-fiance, you seek the one person who can help. But as it turns out, the price of revenge may be a little more than you bargained for.

Genre: Fallen Angel AU, strangers to friends to lovers, fluff, angst

Word Count: 9,208

Warnings: homelessness, abusive ex, manipulation, emotional abuse, forced isolation, major character injury, blood, mentions of critiques of organized western religion, threats of harm, brief mentions of an almost-panic attack, arguing, more to be added later

Notes: Thank you to @daechwitatamic and @madbutgloriouspond for reading through this fic and for listening to me talk about it literally every day. And thanks to @btsmosphere and @toikiii for helping me with the angst.

Fallen Masterlist | Next Part

Everything is grey. Or, at least, that’s how it feels. You rarely come this far uptown, where the trains run on elevated tracks instead of under your feet. You follow the tracks along the river. They said he’d be somewhere around here, under the el between the old Radio Shack and the bodega. Above, a train rumbles past, its speed whipping up a wind that blows your hair into your face. 

You pull your jacket closer and step over a puddle.

Honestly, uptown would be nice if it didn’t seem like it died in the 70s. But, at least near the el, everything gives off that decayed vibe. Faded posters still cling to the bricks in alleyways advertising bands that hadn’t toured in decades. Window displays for nameless stores show off mannequins dressed in clothes that would have been long out of fashion by the time you were born. 

Something glowing near one of the track supports draws your attention. It’s a metal trash can, its contents ablaze. Just behind the can, leaning against the steel support, is a man. His clothes are tattered, and as you get closer, you can see he’s sucking on a lollipop.

“Goat?” You’re almost in front of the burning can. The man doesn’t answer you, doesn't acknowledge you, he just continues to stare into the flames. “Are-are you Goat?” you try again, taking a step closer. “I’m looking for someone. I was told he’d be here–uptown under the tracks where no one comes. Some of them called him Goat.”

The man snorts derisively, a small, bitterly amused smirk appears on his lips. “Not to my face they don’t.”

“I’ll call you whatever you want,” you concede. He doesn’t seem to be upset, but you don’t want to push his buttons. “I need to talk to you.”

“No thanks, kid.”

“It’s important.”

The man–Goat, or whatever he’s called–rolls his eyes. “You humans are always so convinced you need my help.” He turns then, tossing the stick of his lollipop into the fire, and starts to walk away. “I’ll give you a piece of advice: you can’t handle it.” He throws the last thought over his shoulder, barely even turning his head.

You walk quickly to catch up. “You don’t know anything about me. I’m stronger than I look.”

As you emerge from the shadows of the el tracks, you’re able to get a better look at him. He’s slight, thin, with barely any visible muscle. His dark hair hangs long into his eyes, which are an intense shade of deep, dark brown. He doesn’t look like much, and for a moment, you think that maybe you have the wrong man. But there’s a quiet power to how he carries himself, as if he could turn into something all-powerful and terrifying in the blink of an eye. You can see it in how he walks, how he carries himself. He’s dressed like just another unhoused person, but there’s a confidence around him that would make it nearly impossible to think he’s anything else than the immovable force that he was.

“You would know a thing about being stronger than you look, I think,” you say quietly. 

He sighs and pauses beside a light pole, leaning against it and allowing you to fully catch up to him. “What do you want.” It’s not a question.

“I need something.”

He laughs, eyebrows raising in surprise. “You want a favor?”

“Not a favor. I’ll pay you.”

“You’ll pay me?”

“Anything you want.”

He shakes his head, pushing off the post and continuing to walk. This time, though, it’s much slower, as if he’s inviting you to keep up. You’re intrigued–he’s intriguing–and you aren’t about to give up yet. So you walk with him, up the street, past the dusty old bodega and into an alley.

“I don’t want anything,” he says, eyes focused ahead.

You shrug. “That’s not what I’ve heard.”

He stops and turns to you, stepping close, so close that you can smell the smoke from the garbage fire on his clothes, in his hair. He inspects you, dark eyes gazing deeply into yours. “Who have you been talking to about me?”

“Your friends.”

“I don’t have friends.”

“The ones who live down here.”

Again, he laughs, stepping away from you. You can still smell the smoke of his clothes. “They’d kill me if they got the chance.” He continues walking, leading you down another side street. This one looks just as Disco Dead as the previous one. “You should watch your step. There are snakes everywhere.”

You sigh. At this rate, you’ll be dead before you convince him to help you. But you press on. “I’ll make it worth your time.”

“How?”

“You tell me.”

He hums, scrubbing a hand along his chin in thought. He shoves his other hand into the pocket of his oversized, tattered coat. “What do you want, kid?”

“Revenge. On my ex-fiance. He’s…” You shake your head. Your ex-fiance is a lot of things. And you hate all of them. 

“Real winner, eh?” He hums, turning from the alley and onto the avenue. 

The shops here are just as old, the signs just as peeling and time-worn, but some of these are open. Their doors are propped open and music–a strange cacophony of reggae, latin fusion, and jazz–floats out onto the street from old boomboxes. Judging by the advertisements in the windows, these storefronts were stuck somewhere in the 90s. An improvement, but not quite enough.

Finally, he stops just outside of a run down electronics store. The front window still has a CRT tv that’s hooked up to a security camera filming the street. You and the man are reflected back in the screen. He’s standing so close to you that the sleeves of his tattered coat brush against your arm. 

“Sure, okay,” he says finally, the corners of his lips turning up in a smirk. 

For a moment, you’re taken aback. That was… much easier than you had expected it to be. Your shock must be evident on your face, because then he says, “What do you need?”

Carefully, you collect yourself, school your face into something you hope is a neutral expression. “I just want him to suffer.”

He whistles lowly, fluffing his hair. “Doesn’t exactly give me a lot to go off.”

“Can you do it or not?”

Briefly, he looks amused. His smirk turns into a smile. It’s soft, and it’s a little cocky, but it sets your mind at ease a little bit. “Might take a bit to get it right, but I’ll see what I can do.”

“I want him ruined,” you say softly, taking a step closer. “Personally and professionally. Just like he did to me.”

“You’re a curious one, aren’t you?”

“Thank you, Goat.” You smile, and he smiles back. A wide, gummy thing that seems to show off all the teeth in his mouth. “Or, I guess…?”

“Yoongi. Call me Yoongi.”

It’s amazing how cold it’s gotten in the span of a couple weeks. It hasn’t snowed yet, but you can definitely tell that it’s going to soon. There’s something about the smell of the air, how the wind feels as it whips its way under the el tracks. The puddles under the track from the water and moisture dripping from the trains look frigid. You step around one and approach the man standing at the burning trash can.

He looks cold, too. He’s wearing the same tattered coat as last time, and now you notice the places where you can see his shirt through the holes. You wonder if he has anything else he could wear, any other layers he could put on now that it’s getting cold. You wonder if he has anywhere to go when the temperatures start to dip at night, somewhere other than huddled around a Hooverville fire. 

He smiles as you get closer, much different from the indifferent glare he’d fixed you with the first time, and you warm a little bit. It’s sweet, the half-grin he shoots your way, almost as if he’s excited to see you. You’d tried to keep your distance over the past few weeks, despite the fact that you’d been practically bursting at the seams to know how things were progressing. But that doesn’t mean you hadn’t seen him at all.

He’d wandered past your work a few days ago. You couldn’t be quite sure, but you were pretty sure he’d actually floated past the front windows of the bar. But he’d paused and waved, and you’d waved back only for your coworkers to look at you like you were crazy.

So there was a 50/50 chance that Yoongi was actually just a figment of your revenge-addled imagination. But you know. That’s what happens when you cavort with a fallen angel. C’est la vie. 

“Kid. You came.” He greets you cheerfully, his eyes focusing down on the fire in front of him. He reaches down beside him and grabs a small stack of papers–old posters and some trash, from the looks of it–and drops them into the flames. Sparks fly up, and you watch them glitter in his eyes. “I’m a little surprised, to be honest.”

“Well, it’s hard to ignore a creepy text from an unknown number asking you to meet under the el at nearly sundown.” You shrug. “You really should sign your texts. Or, I don’t know. Give me your number.”

Yoongi rolls his eyes and scoffs, but you could swear his cheeks flush a deeper shade of pink than they already were.

The wind picks up, touseling his hair and chilling you to your core. You push your bag further up onto your shoulder and shove your hands deep into the pockets of your coat. Yoongi steps closer to the fire, visibly shivering, and again, you find yourself concerned for him. But before you can say anything, he clears his throat.

“I think I’m going to need some more details about what he did to you,” he says softly. You bristle at his words. Brown eyes find yours, and you can sense that he hates having to ask. 

You sigh. You’d hoped to be able to get through this without having to tell him about any of it. You’d done a lot of healing in the time since leaving your fiance, but so much of it still stung–and some of it, you were still dealing with the fallout. You’d thought that because of who he was, you wouldn’t have to tell Yoongi anything.

“I thought you could just sense that stuff.”

He frowns. “I can tell when it’s enough to balance out the universe. But I need to know what I’m balancing for.”

“What have you tried so far?”

“Admittedly not much just yet.” Yoongi scratches at the back of his neck. “I started small to test the waters. But between his keys disappearing and his clocks never being the correct time, he’ll never be on-time ever again. I’ve also crashed his computer several times and wiped a few important files. He’ll need them in a few days. He’s currently up for a promotion, but uh… not after his boss finds out that the reports for three of their biggest clients are gone.”

You hum. It’s a start. Your ex-fiance was incredibly dedicated to his job. You’d loved that about him, back when you loved him. So it did give you a sick sense of satisfaction to know that slowly, his job was slipping through his fingertips. But…

“It’s not enough,” you say sharply. “You need to go further.”

“Right. That’s why I was hoping you could give me more information.”

“Well, I…” You sigh. Where the hell do you even start? How the hell do you even start? You look around. The surrounding buildings are still grey, still decaying, still… damp. You can’t see them, but somewhere nearby, someone is rooting around in a dumpster. Suddenly, you’re intimately aware of how cold it is, and how stinging the wind is, and how exposed you are. You rub your arm. “Can we talk somewhere else?”

Yoongi watches you, and some emotion crosses his eyes. But you can’t tell what it is, and it’s gone before you can really even analyze it. Silently, he nods and holds out his hand. You think that maybe he’s going to lead you away again, on a goose chase through the weird eras of this part of uptown. But he doesn’t. 

Brown eyes meet yours for the briefest of seconds, and then a warm wind picks up, blowing Yoongi’s long hair into his eyes. Your stomach lurches and then something soft rises up to meet you. You open your eyes–when did you close them?--and suddenly, you’re no longer under the el.

There’s a clatter off to your left, and the ding of a bell. Distantly, you hear someone ask “You want some more coffee, hun?” The surface under you is soft, but not so soft to be mistaken for comfortable. Yoongi sits across from you, a smug smirk on his lips.

A diner. You’re in a diner. It’s fairly busy, too, and for a moment, you’re worried that someone noticed the two of you just appearing out of nowhere in a booth. But shockingly, no one is even looking in your direction.

“How…?”

Yoongi shrugs. “People see what they want.”

“Oh… okay.” 

You settle into the vinyl seating, resting your hands against the table. The formica surface is sticky and you recoil in disgust. Yoongi watches you, his cat-like eyes following your movements with curiosity. It’s quiet for a moment, save for the clinking of dishes and the noises from the kitchen. 

A waitress flutters back and forth between the tables and the stools at the counter, taking orders and pouring coffee. She either hasn’t noticed you’re there or she doesn’t see you at all. Quite frankly, neither would shock you. Another order appears in the window with a ding and the waitress spins to place the plate in front of a man at the counter. 

After a second, she approaches your table to take your order. You aren’t particularly hungry, but Yoongi orders a plate of fries and a slice of cake to share. She pours Yoongi a cup of coffee and promises to return with a glass of water for you and then she’s gone.

“So.” Yoongi clears his throat and leans on his hand. He studies you curiously. His voice is soft when he next speaks. “I really do need to know what he did to you, kid.”

You sigh. It wasn’t surprising, but that didn’t make it any less difficult to talk about. Your fiance had been terrific at first. Loving. Loyal. Kind. You’d known him since college, had seen him go from gangly, awkward first-year to second in his class in one of the country’s most prestigious law schools. You’d watched him graduate, had been there when he was named partner, celebrated every raise and promotion as he climbed the ladder. But slowly, over time, he’d changed.

“He used to be lovely,” you admit softly, dragging a finger through the condensation on the glass of water the waitress sat in front of you. “But somewhere along the way, he changed. Or maybe he was always like this and I didn’t notice. I don’t know.”

“Sometimes people hide who they are.”

“After a while, I realized that I wasn’t myself anymore. There was nothing about me at that point that didn’t revolve around him. I hadn’t seen my friends in over a year. I was completely dependent on him financially. He’d gotten me a job at his firm, we lived in a nice apartment near the river. But I didn’t want to only be Song Dawoon’s wife for the rest of my life. And when I left, I…” You shrug, hands falling into your lap. “Well, he showed me, I guess.”

“He took it all away?”

You nod. “My whole life, gone in less than 24 hours.”

“Your friends?”

“Turns out he’d been feeding them lies.”

Yoongi hums deeply and frowns. And when the waitress returns at that precise moment with a plate of fries, he jumps slightly at the clatter. When she’s gone, he leans closer, no longer resting on his hand. He picks up a fry and inspects it briefly before popping it into his mouth. He makes a face, though you can’t necessarily tell why. You consider for the first time that maybe he’d never eaten before.

Gently, he pushes the plate toward you. “Eat,” he coaxes softly. “I’m sorry you had to go through that. But now that I know, I can change tactics.” He sighs, his eyes falling to the plate as he traces the edge. “I’ll make sure he gets what’s deserved.”

Things go silent. Yoongi coaxes you to eat again, but other than that, the sounds of the diner take over. Slowly, the fries disappear. You try not to watch him–or, at least, you try not to be too obvious about watching him. He’s warmed up in the diner, his full cheeks no longer bright pink and windbitten, but you worry about when you leave. 

What happens then?

Does he have somewhere to go to get out of the cold? Does he stay in a tent in the encampment under the el? Does he go to a shelter? Or does he huddle by the trash can fire through the night? His clothes are so thin, there’s no way they protect him from the cold. Does he even get cold?  

You barely notice when the waitress comes to take away the plate and replace it with another, this one topped with a slice of cake large enough for two. Again, Yoongi nudges the plate in your direction, but you let him have the first bite. He practically melts when his lips close around his fork, and suddenly you’re struck with a thought. 

You would like to know more about him.

It’s weird, and a little random. But you want to know more about what he likes and what he doesn’t. You’re curious about his past, though you aren’t sure you’d ever be brave enough to ask. But he’s fascinating, you’re fascinated by him, and so you smile gently at him when you stab into your side of the cake. He returns it warmly, and it reflects in his eyes.

The days pass quickly, and soon enough, it’s almost a week later. For reasons you can’t quite figure out, you’ve seen Yoongi for the majority of the days after your impromptu trip to the diner. Or, perhaps seen isn’t the right word. Anyone else, you would say you’d been hanging out with them. But with Yoongi, that didn’t seem quite right.

He’d shown up at the bar. You’d assumed that he wanted to tell you about his most recent attempts at bringing enough justice to Dawoon to rattle his teeth. But he sat down at the corner of the bar and watched you curiously while you served the customers that were there before him. When you finally made your way toward him, he shot you a warm smile.

You’d only spoken a few words to him when it became abundantly clear that you were the only one that could see him. Your coworkers eyed you warily, and the other patrons sitting at the bar were looking at you like you were the drunk one. You whispered a soft “Stick around. I’m closing,” to him and promptly ignored him for the rest of the night.

Which is how you ended up here. With the bar’s sound system blasting late 90s pop while you pile dishes into the dishwasher. Yoongi perches on the countertop beside you, dark eyes watching you curiously as you place cups into the tray for washing.

“Is there a reason why I’m the only one who can see you?” you finally ask. It’d been bothering you all night, and now seems as good a time as any to ask.

He shrugs, and for a moment, you think he’s going to answer, but he doesn’t. Instead, he watches you hit start on the dishwasher and follows you back out to the bar. “You humans are… complicated,” he says cryptically, as if that’s supposed to answer your question.

You hum. Ain’t that the truth.

He stands behind you as you take stock, checking the bottles behind the bar to see what’s low. Gingerly, he picks up a bottle of bar brand rum and inspects the label. “Why do humans drink this?” he asks, voice quiet.

It’s your turn to shrug. “Celebration. Relaxation. Happiness. Sadness. For fun. To forget.”

“That’s a lot of contradictions.”

“Humans are complicated.”

He grunts and falls silent, putting the rum back behind the bar.

It’s a day later, and Yoongi is following you around once again. It’s weird how comfortable it is. He’s in your apartment, beside you in the kitchen. You’d been right in the diner–he hadn’t tried many human foods. He didn’t really need to eat. But he had a sweet tooth, and that was the extent of his experimentation.

Mercifully, it’s your day off, and you’ve taken the time to expose Yoongi to breakfast foods–waffles, you argue, are among humankind’s greatest creations. You had set him to task cutting up melon, and truthfully, you’re a little worried he’s going to cut his finger off. But it turns out that he’s a natural with a knife, and you aren’t sure whether that’s a good thing or a bad thing. But he chats with you while he cuts into the juicy green flesh, the thwack, thwack, thwack of the knife a nice rhythmic background to the conversation.

“It’s why the trains are always late,” he explains, his voice quiet, but sage. Somehow–you weren’t entirely sure how–he’d gotten on the topic of rail infrastructure. You hadn’t exactly been able to follow his logic, but his voice is nice, the slight gravel to it is soothing, and you think that maybe, you could listen to him talk for hours about nothing. Which is a strange thought because a month ago, you hadn’t even known his name.

The waffle maker beeps, and when you open it, the steam swirls out from a perfectly golden brown waffle. You pour more batter in and shut and lock the plates.

“Why do they call you Goat?” you ask quietly. It’s sudden, and his eyebrows shoot into his hairline. It’s quiet, save for the sounds of Yoongi’s knife and the every-so-often ding! of the waffle maker. Suddenly, you’re struck with the idea that maybe he doesn’t want to talk about it. “I mean, you don’t have to tell me.” You can feel yourself clamming up. “I was just curious. That’s all.”

“No, it’s… it’s okay, kid.” He waves you off with a sigh. “Those snakes will do anything to humiliate me. I’m a joke to them.” Yoongi shrugs, his lips flattening into a line. “Goat. Not good enough for the guys up top. Not bad enough for the ones down below.”

“I’m sorry,” you say quietly. You hadn’t considered that maybe the nickname was mean. “I didn’t know they were making fun of you.”

“How could you?” He shrugs, pushing the sliced melon onto a plate. “They’re assholes, not worthy of my time.”

“Still–I’m sorry you have to go through it. It’s not fair to you.”

The waffle maker beeps again and you pull the last fluffy piece from the plates before unplugging it. You hand Yoongi the syrup and push the slightly cooled waffle in his direction. Warily, he pours some syrup and tears a piece off the waffle. He eats, humming lowly after a second and nodding his head.

“It’s good,” he confirms, flashing you a smile and licking some syrup off his thumb.

You feel yourself stand a little straighter, a small smile spreading across your face. He dives back in, tearing off another piece of waffle.

“Oh!” He finishes chewing before continuing. “I have some updates if you want them?” 

“Oh, uh, sure.”

“I took what you said, and I gave it some thought. So first of all, he’s now only telling his friends and coworkers the truth. Which is fun. His secretary already wants to kill him.” You nod, no longer interested in your own meal. “And I’m working on slowly rearranging his files. Not the public ones. I’m not trying to get a paralegal fired. But his files and notes. Choi, Park, and Park are very annoyed with him.”

“Good. That’s… that’s good.”

“You don’t seem too happy, kid.”

“It’s just…” You sigh. It’s weird. You’re happy that Dawoon is getting what he deserves. So why do you have a sinking feeling in the pit of your stomach? You shrug. It doesn’t matter. “Humans are complicated.”

You sigh and flop down onto your couch, throwing your phone down beside you. It’s been nearly a week, and you haven’t heard a single peep from Yoongi. You feel a little dumb for how it’s affecting you, but how else are you supposed to feel? He’d spent three weeks practically glued to your side, visiting you at the bar, following you around the city while you ran errands. You’d introduced him to some of your favorite foods. It’s stupid–after everything, you still only barely knew him–but you considered him a friend.

But now, for the second time in as many years, you find yourself alone and frustrated and feeling like the world’s biggest fool. Yoongi doesn’t have the capacity to hurt you as deeply as Dawoon’s betrayal had, but that doesn't mean that it doesn’t sting.

You’d met Dawoon during your first-year orientation in college. He was assigned to your group for the weekend. He’d been squirrely and awkward, and had followed you like a puppy around campus during the tour and all the first-year activities. But by the time classes started that Monday, you were fond of him. By the end of your first year, you were dating. By the end of his first year of law school, you’d moved in together.

He had been your best friend. He’d brought you coffee for every late night study session. He’d held you while you cried when the stress of your senior thesis got to be too much. He’d helped you relax during spring break the year you managed to burn yourself out so much that you considered dropping out. Dawoon had been there for every up and every down, and you’d loved him for it. 

You aren’t sure when things started to change. Only that, at some point into your nine-year relationship, they had. You woke up one morning, completely alone, and realized that you weren’t happy. It had been a long time since Dawoon had told you he loved you, and an even longer time since you’d felt like more than just arm candy. When you’d brought it up to him–that you felt like you weren’t an equal participant in the relationship, that you felt like he mattered more than you did–he’d gotten angry. So angry, that he’d almost hit you. So you’d left. Broke off the engagement, packed your bags, and left.

24 hours later, your life was gone, burnt down around you. Your boss, your friends, all tricked by Dawoon’s lies. That was almost a year and a half ago. 

You were finally starting to feel like a person again, and Yoongi was a big part of it. And now, he’s gone, too.

At the beginning of the week, you’d been surprised–sad, even–that Yoongi hadn’t popped up sometime throughout the day. But you’d gone to bed that night content in the assumption that perhaps he was busy with your favor or someone else’s, and that the next day, you would see his lopsided smile as he floated into the bar during your shift.

But no such luck. A day passes, and you go from surprised to worried. Where could he possibly be? You hope that he isn’t frozen somewhere, never to be seen again.

Three more days pass, and you find yourself getting angrier–both at Yoongi and yourself. Why hasn’t he even tried to contact you? What could he possibly be doing that he couldn’t answer a single one of your texts? Or one of your calls? Or even just float by the bar when you’re working to let you know he’s alive?

Why hadn’t you offered to buy him a new coat? You knew his was in tatters. You knew the nights were getting colder. You could have offered your couch.

That anger festered, and now you’re pissed. At Yoongi. At yourself. At the world. Thankfully, you don’t have to completely start over again, but there’s something just as crushing about finding yourself alone again. It’s not productive, your anger, so you channel it into something more positive.

You clean. The whole apartment. Top to bottom. Starting with your bedroom and working through the bathroom and the kitchen. You blast the punk music from your early teen years on your phone and set about the living room, dusting your bookshelves and reorganizing the contents. 

You’re almost ready to get out the mop and bucket when you hear a ‘thud’ against your door. Just one, and not very loud. You’ve almost decided to ignore it–it’s late, and your apartment is between enough bars that drunks falling into your door is not uncommon–when the soft knock comes, slow but deliberate. It persists, despite your efforts to get back to your cleaning, and finally, you can’t take it any more.

You march to the door, throwing it open violently. “What?” you snap before even getting a look at the knocker.

The person falls forward, and you catch them easily, grunting under the dead weight of their body. Through slashes in the man’s jacket, you can see what you think is blood–golden and viscous against lightly tanned skin–sticking what’s left of a sweater to a bruised and battered body. You hold him carefully, pushing black hair away from his face. Something inside of you knows already, but you need to be sure. 

“Yoongi?” Your heart sinks. “What happened? Where have you been?”

He splutters a bit and sags in your arms. You struggle to maneuver him further into your apartment, shutting the door behind you. “Snakes,” he manages, wincing as you nudge his arm around your shoulders. 

You frown, helping him slowly hobble out of your doorway and into the living room. Your goal is the bedroom, if you can make it. He would probably be better off on the bed if you can get him there. Snakes. They told you they were his friends. He’d warned you about them. Said they’d kill him if they ever got the chance. You suppose he was right.

Together, you limp halfway through the living room before Yoongi groans. “Gotta lay down, kid.”

“The bed’ll be more comfortable.” He grunts, and you can tell he won’t be able to make it that far. “Couch, then?”

He stumbles, and you almost lose your grip on him, but you manage to keep him upright. “Floor. Please.”

Gently, you ease him to the floor, pushing your ottoman out of the way so he doesn’t have to curl up. You pull the pillows off the couch, kneeling down to lift his head and slip one under so he’s comfortable.

“Do you need a blanket?” you ask softly, rushing out of the room. 

He grunts out a ‘no,’ but you grab him one anyway, and a glass of water–though if you’re honest, you have no idea how he’s going to drink it laying face-down on the floor, but it seems right–and then a straw because that makes more sense and rush back. You sit beside him on the floor and place your collection around you so you can reach any of it should he need.

You reach out, hesitating just slightly before your hand touches his hair. You don’t want to hurt him. But then he groans and curls slightly in on himself from the pain, and you think that maybe you can’t hurt him any more than he already is. So gently, ever so gently, you lower your hand into the inky blackness of his hair. It’s wet from sweat and sticky from blood–there’s a gash on his temple that his long hair can’t help but get stuck in–but you smooth it down anyway, away from his face.

You stand and return moments later with a bowl full of lukewarm water and a rag. “They really kicked the shit out of you, huh?” you ask softly, wringing out the rag and dabbing it against the cut on his temple. Yoongi hisses in pain and recoils. “I know, I’m sorry,” you murmur, using your other hand to smooth his hair down. “Who are they?”

“Demons,” he groans, dark eyes barely opening to look at you. “I was doing a job over by the harbor on Wednesday and they jumped me.”

“Wednesday?” you exclaim, washing out the rag and wringing it again. You move to his left shoulder, where three terribly bruised scratches run from his clavicle across his shoulder blade and down his black. “Yoongi, that was three days ago.”

He flinches when the rag hits his skin and you apologize softly. His sweater and coat fall apart in your fingers as you try to clean his wounds. You finish cleaning his back, wiping the dirt and blood and grime out of the scratches. You can see where they’re already starting to heal, where they’re already scabbing over and the flesh is growing back. You imagine that, among the other special abilities he has, he heals faster than a human. Which is good for him, because you weren’t kidding. He looks like shit.

“You good?” You stroke his hair again, pushing it back away from his eyes. 

He nods ever so slightly, deep brown eyes meeting yours briefly before he winces in pain. “I’ll be okay.”

“Not gonna die?”

Yoongi scoffs, then lets out a low groan. “Looking to get rid of me, kid?”

“Never.” You fluff his hair and stand. “I’ll be right back. Yell if you need me.”

He calls your name before you’re even out of the room and you turn to him. “Thanks.”

“For what?”

He gestures vaguely, barely lifting his arm from the floor, but you get the idea. For taking him in. For taking care of him. For making him feel like a person.

“You’re welcome,” you say softly, and pat the door frame. You disappear into your bedroom before he can say anything else.

You throw open your closet, flicking through the hangers, searching for one in particular. Somewhere in here’s an old sweater, one of the only things you managed to take with you after Dawoon, stuffed into your suitcase. It’s cream colored, you remember, chunky knit. You haven’t seen the sweater in over a year, but it’s got to be in here somewhere.

You tug it off the hanger in triumph just as a thud sounds in the living room. There’s a flapping noise, like a sheet shaken to remove the wrinkles. Confused, you slowly creep back out. There, lying precisely where you’d left him, is Yoongi. Except now, sprawled to either side of him is a pair of feathery black wings.

“Yoongi?” you question softly, stepping into the living room clutching the sweater to your chest.

His head turns away from you. “I couldn’t keep them in any longer. I’m sorry.”

“No, it’s… it’s fine. I brought you a sweater. Your clothes are ruined.” He grunts. “If you’re feeling up to it, I can help you into it.” Your eyes widen. There was probably a less weird way to phrase that. “Because of your shoulder. It’s kind of really fucked up.”

He snorts, a light laugh leaving his lips, and then winces. “Thanks.”

You sink to the floor beside him, hand finding his hair once again. “Are you… you’re sure you’re going to be okay?” 

“Yeah.” Yoongi nods, and with a groan, rolls onto his side. He’s facing you now, one wing draped over his body and partially in your lap. “Don’t worry too much about me, kid. I’ve been through worse.”

Something about that breaks your heart. Maybe because you can tell. It’s the tone of his voice, but also it’s how mangled and damaged his wings are, and how you could see scars on his back under the scratches from the demons. He’s seen much worse than this.

Your fingertips brush against his wing gently and the feathers twitch away. “Sorry. Did I hurt you?”

“No.” He sounds tired, his voice husky and ragged. “No one’s ever touched them before.”

“Sorry.”

“Oh.” His brows furrow. “It’s okay. It didn’t hurt.”

Something about his tone gives you pause. Ever so gently, you run your fingers through the feathers of his wings. It’s purposeful this time, and he doesn’t flinch away. In fact, he practically purrs, a deep exhale leaving him.

You can tell that his wings used to be beautiful. Closer up, the feathers are a dark grey, and most of them are still glossy. It’s just that… there are patches where there are no feathers, and places where you can see the bony protrusions that make up the physical structure of the wing. Some of the feathers are bent and broken, some are crushed, the soft, downy tendrils clumped together.

But despite everything, the feathers are soft and delicate, and they run through your fingers like water. You trace a scar along the ridge of his wing, the tip of your finger dragging through the feathers slowly, and at first, he jumps a little bit, but he quickly relaxes.

“Hey Yoongi?” you ask softly, your focus on the feathers resting against your leg. He hums an acknowledgement. You can feel his eyes on the side of your head. His curiosity is back. He must be starting to feel better. “How’d you…” You sigh and gather some courage. “How’d you fall?”

“Ah.” 

“It’s just… you said that you weren’t good enough for them, right? But the demons clearly aren’t…”

“Not my biggest fans, no.”

“So, I just…”

When you finally look at him, you’re struck by how beautiful he is. Not just in a ‘you’re pretty’ way–which, admittedly, he’s that, too. But in a ‘you’re fascinating’ sort of way. Everything about him seems contradictory. His eyes–sharp, catlike, ever observant–sit above a soft button nose, round cheeks, pouty lips. His wings are so beautiful, yet so broken. Even his words, which were sharp when you first met him, are now much softer and friendlier. Sharp and soft. It suits him, somehow.

His dark eyes watch you watch him. And though his face says he’s irritated, his eyes glisten with mirth. He enjoys watching you fumble, apparently, and you recognize that you should be more annoyed by that, but truthfully, you’re happy that he’s feeling well enough to even entertain the thought of mischief. A small smile spreads across his lips, and you find yourself smiling back at him.

“Okay,” he grunts, shifting himself closer awkwardly.

“What are you–? Be careful!” you chide gently, confused by his actions. 

He finally seems to settle when he’s laying perpendicular to you. His head lands in your lap and you freeze, arms raised in surprise. Yoongi readjusts slightly to get more comfortable against your thigh. He stretches his wing out–the tips of his feathers brushing against the ceiling–and winces slightly with the movement.

When he’s settled in, he sighs. “I didn’t fall. I was pushed. They don’t really tolerate dissent. Even if you’re right.”

“What do you mean?”

“It’s really not that deep of a story, kid. Top brass and I had some disagreements, that’s all.”

“Such as?”

He hums. “Oh you know. Just some minor things.” He rolls slightly so he can look you in the face. “I have these radical ideas where I think people should be kind to everyone and that everyone is worthy of respect.”

You finally drop your hands, and they find the feathers on the ridge of his wing. “I didn’t know I was in the presence of such an extremist.”

“Yeah well.” He grunts, using his arm to push himself upright. He wobbles a little bit when he’s fully vertical, and you reach out a hand to hold him steady. “When the big guy said ‘Love thy neighbor’, he didn’t really leave room for exceptions.”

You hum, your hand falling from Yoongi’s arm when you’re satisfied that he won’t fall over. He stretches, wings folding behind his back with a surprising amount of grace. It strikes you in that moment that he didn’t need to come here, didn’t need you to stitch him up. He could do it all on his own, quicker than you could have ever taken care of him. The scratches on his shoulder are already healed over–they’re still pink and inflamed, sure, but they aren’t bleeding anymore. You wonder how long it took for his pain to go away. So then why…?

“Why’d you come here?” The question is out of your mouth before you can even register it’s a bad idea. 

“What?”

“I mean, I’m just a human. I haven’t done shit for you.”

“That’s not true.” His brow furrows. “You brought me a sweater.” He reaches forward to grab the forgotten top.

“That’s not a lot. You did most of the work.”

He shrugs the sweater on, the cream material falling loosely over his torso. Somehow, his wings poke out of the back just fine, even though there are no holes for them. You’re curious, but you also aren’t about to ask him about it. The sweater is big on him, oversized in that two-sizes-too-big sort of way. 

“It’s a lot to me,” he says quietly.

Was he always sitting this close? Suddenly, you’re hyper-aware of his knee touching yours and how his fingers are barely brushing your own. Deep brown eyes meet yours, his attention flickering quickly downwards before dragging back up to your eyes, like it took a great effort. And then he’s leaning in. Or maybe you’re leaning in. Both of you? It doesn’t matter. Your heart is pounding in your chest. Can he hear it? He can probably hear it.

He’s millimeters from you, you can feel his breath fanning across your face. “Can I kiss you?” He asks it so softly, it’s barely audible, even from this distance. 

You don’t even think. You just nod.

His lips meet yours, and it’s like all of the air is sucked from your lungs. It’s quick–he breaks it far too soon–and you’re admittedly a little lightheaded. He doesn’t get far, though, before you’re pulling him closer again, hand cradling his jaw. His lips are slightly chapped, and he moves gently against you. Not too fast, not too forceful. It’s almost as if he’s hesitant. But then he adjusts how he’s sitting and pulls you ever so slightly closer.

When you finally pull apart, your face feels warm. Yoongi’s looking at you, dark eyes swimming with some emotion that you can’t really place. But it’s gooey and soft, and the warmth spreads from your face to your whole body. No one had looked at you like that since… well, since Dawoon, and really, it had been a long time for even that. Yoongi offers you a small smile, and you return it, suddenly very nervous. He stretches his legs out in front of him, hand brushing yours once again.

What in the world are you supposed to do now? You didn’t think you were so far over Dawoon’s betrayal that you were ready to kiss… anyone, let alone Yoongi.

“You uh…” You cough, feeling very awkward, and fumble for the right thing to say. “You want to watch a movie?”

When you wake up, you aren’t sure what time it is. It’s weird. You remember the movie–an old Scooby Doo made-for-tv special from your childhood–and sitting beside Yoongi on the floor. You remember the shuffle of his wings as he got comfortable–the couch apparently too rigid for the sensitive appendages. You remember how he tried to hide his laughter behind his hand, but the shaking of his shoulders gave it away.

What you don’t remember is falling asleep.

But it’s now morning, early light streaming through the windows. The tv is off, and there’s a blanket thrown over your shoulders. Your apartment is so quiet you can hear the foot traffic on the sidewalk outside. Where’s Yoongi? You push yourself up off the floor, squinting as you look around. You check your bedroom, and the kitchen, and the bathroom, and he’s nowhere. He’s just… gone.

You sigh and collapse onto the couch, heart and stomach somewhere in your ankles. You feel sick. This is different from when you were angry and worried about him. Now, you’re just angry. 

How dare he? How dare he make you worry about him? How dare he show up on your doorstep without warning like that? How dare he make you care? 

How dare he kiss you like that and leave without a word?

Something stings behind your eyes and you squeeze them shut, letting your head fall to hit the back of the couch. How could you be so stupid? After Dawoon, you’d promised yourself that you wouldn’t let yourself get invested like that again. It only led to this. Sitting alone, a mysterious stinging in your eyes, wondering what you did wrong.

You grit your teeth and give yourself another ten seconds to wallow in self-pity. And then you stand. You promised a coworker you’d cover her lunch shift at the bar today. You can’t afford to miss it. Plus, you do better when you don’t have time to dwell on things.

Unfortunately, the bar is dead. You count the glassware at least a dozen times. You wipe down the bar more times than you can count. You wipe down every bottle in the well and on display, double-check the kegs, restock the bottled beer in the fridge. A few hours into the shift and you’re faced with the fact that it’s not as good a distraction as you had hoped. Thankfully, there are at least a couple patrons, and since there are no servers staffed for the lunch shift, you’re forced to take care of them. 

You’re grateful for the customers, grateful for something to do, for the outlet. But then the door opens, and you throw a quick “Sit anywhere! I’ll be with you in a sec!” over your shoulder as you pop into the kitchen to grab one of the table’s appetizers. When you emerge, you nearly drop the nachos you’re carrying.

At a table in the corner sits a face you’d rather forget. He’s tall, and handsome–a far cry from the spindly first-year you’d met a decade ago. His black hair is a little shaggy, perfectly styled to be out of his face. He wears a suit, no doubt it cost him more than your entire month’s pay, tips included.

Song Dawoon.

You steel yourself, take a second to plaster the customer service smile back on your face, and step out onto the floor. You drop the nachos off at the correct table without spilling a single chip, despite the fact that your hands are shaking like you’re experiencing your own personal earthquake. You promise to refill the man’s Jack and Coke, and then you take a breath and step toward Dawoon’s table.

“What can I get you?” you ask through your best plastered-on smile.

Dawoon looks up at you, a sickly sweet grin on his face. “How have you been? I didn’t know you worked here!”

Sure he didn’t.

“Sit down,” he suggests, kicking out the chair across from him. 

“No thanks.”

“Sit. Let’s talk.” His voice is firm, leaving no room for questions.

Cautiously, you sit. Your leg starts to bounce. Between the anger from this morning and your nerves now, you’re dizzy and nauseated. It’s a big city. You’d hoped that you’d never have the displeasure of seeing Dawoon again.

“The funniest thing has happened to me,” he says, leaning forward, his fingers steepled. “I’ve been having the worst luck lately. My keys disappear. My clocks are all broken. My files are disappearing. And you’ll never believe this, but all of my clients keep forgetting my name.” He hums and shakes his head. “It’s strange. Almost supernatural. Like if someone hired a vengeful spirit. You wouldn’t know anything about that, would you?”

You shrug. “Not at all.”

“See, that’s the thing. I think maybe you do.” He beckons you closer, but you don’t move. His voice is dark. You’d only ever heard him like this once before.

The day he swung at you.

“I think,” he continues, voice low, “you know a lot about it. I’m not quite sure how, but if I figure out how you’re ruining my career, you’ll have to pick up the pieces three states over.”

“You know, that’s really rich coming from you.” You stand, the chair scraping from behind you. You take a deep breath. “I think you should leave now.”

It takes everything in you to walk away with your head held high. Your legs are shaking by the time you get back behind the bar, and as soon as you’re safe in the kitchen, you sink to the floor. The cook eyes you warily but says nothing, simply hands you a glass of water and goes back behind the prep station. 

The room is spinning. Your chest is tight. Your heart is beating so fast, you’re afraid it’ll pop out of your chest and flop around on the floor like a fish. The door to the kitchen swings open and shut, open and shut, a dull throb that barely registers somewhere in the back of your mind. Your hands shake as you take a sip of the water. Someone pats your shoulder as they pass by.

It takes ten minutes for you to breathe normally again, and another five for your blood pressure to return to that of an alive human being. You stand, give the kitchen staff a nervous nod in thanks, and sneak back out into the bar. By now, Amy–the other bartender–has clocked in. A quick glance around the room eases your nerves. Dawoon is gone. The other patrons are still there, but Dawoon is no longer sitting in the corner. 

You lean against the bar and sigh. And then you pull yourself together and finish your shift.

By the time you get home, you’re exhausted. Mentally, physically, emotionally. You’re drained. You want nothing more than to sleep for a week, take a hot bath, and drink an entire bottle of red wine. And not necessarily in that order. You collapse onto the couch, television remote in hand. Despite your exhaustion, you’re still wired. 

In the glow of your tv’s home screen, you see something glossy on the floor at your feet and reach down to pick it up. Something soft brushes your fingertips, and when you finally grab it and inspect it, you’re face-to-face to a single dark grey feather.

Your head falls, hitting the plush back of the couch. You feel your eyes start to sting again. It’s all too much.

A noise to your left startles you–the sound of a blanket being shaken to get the wrinkles out. You squeeze your eyes shut briefly. Of course the universe is forcing you to do this now. 

When he says your name, it’s barely a whisper–deep, gravelly, it matches the early hour. Stubbornly, you ignore him, your eyes squeezed shut. Maybe, if you don’t acknowledge him, he’ll go away. But then you hear him step closer, and you’re jumping to your feet.

“What are you doing here?” you question him sharply.

“I wanted to check on you, I-”

“Why?”

“Song Dawoon, he’s-” Yoongi frowns. “You’re upset.” He takes a step forward. “Why are you upset?”

You scoff. “Don’t talk to me about him.”

He looks confused, dark eyes clouding over with questions. And for a moment, your heart flutters. But then a part of you–the angry part–reminds you that you’d woken up this morning alone. And an even larger part of you reminds you that Dawoon knows somehow, and you grit your teeth.

“You left me alone.” Your eyes sting again, and you try to blink it away. Now is not the time. “You left me alone and I had to deal with him by myself.”

Something akin to worry crosses Yoongi’s face. “I’m sorry,” he says softly. “I didn’t mean-”

“It doesn’t matter!” You’re exasperated, and you can feel your heart rate increasing–you try to take deep breaths despite the fact that your lungs feel like they’re being squeezed. “Don’t you get it? He ruined my life because we weren’t in love any more. He took it personally that I wouldn’t stick around and enjoy our perfect, abusive relationship. He told my boss I was selling information to a rival firm and got me fired. He told my friends that I talked shit behind their backs and made them hate me. He took away my entire support system and kicked me out on my ass and he’s still coming after me.” You take a shaky breath and force yourself to stare Yoongi down. 

“I didn’t know. You didn’t say-”

“Of course I didn’t! Why would I want to relive the worst months of my life? God, I…” You throw up your hands and turn away. “How useless are you? I thought you were supposed to be able to sense this stuff? Maybe not the specifics, but at least the severity, or… or something!”

“I-”  

It’s all too much. Yoongi standing there, looking like a kicked puppy. Him leaving, Dawoon’s threats. You can’t take it anymore. 

“You need to…” You take a deep breath, force your voice to steady, blink away the stinging. “Thank you for your help, but unfortunately, I don’t think this will work.”

“What-”

You hold up a hand, cutting him off. “I won’t be needing your help anymore. You can go.”

“But I…” Yoongi’s brow furrows, and you watch as he deflates. His shoulders sag, and something changes in how he stands there. “I don’t understand.”

“What’s there not to understand? I don’t need your help anymore. We never have to see each other again.”

“Is that what you want?”

“Go.”

He nods, black hair falling in front of his face. His eyes are downcast, but you think you see a shine in them that wasn’t there before. He takes a deep breath and lets it out slowly before speaking again. “Okay.” His Adam's apple bobs as he swallows. “Okay. Well… I guess this is it then.”

“Bye, Yoongi.”

He’s gone in a flap of invisible wings, and suddenly, it’s dead quiet in your apartment. You stand there for a moment, silent, unsure what to do next. And then something in you breaks, and you sink to the floor in front of your ottoman. Tears well in your eyes, and it’s barely a second before you’re sobbing into your hands. 

He was still wearing your sweater.

Fallen Masterlist | Next Part

thank you for reading. I have no idea when part two will be out--I don't normally do this, but I couldn't wait to get part one out, so I'm still working on the rest. I'd love to hear what you thought about this part! it might even inspire me to finish the fic!

Check Out my Masterlist

[astroyongie]

Can you do a short birth chart analysis for changkyun the same way you did for jungkook,since we know his ascendant and house placements.

I’m sure you know already but in case you don’t he was born 1:43 am which makes him a scorpio rising in the 2nd decan so his chart is

aqua sun in the 3rd

aries moon in 5th

cap mercury in 3rd

pisces venus in 4th

and aqua mars in 3rd

and also cap jupiter in 2nd

pisces saturn in 4th

and sag pluto in 1st house

Changkyun Birth Chart Report

Pluto 1st house Sagittarius: his persona isn't stable, Changkyun is the type that is in constant try of changing himself despite saying that he is okay with his life. He goes from being happy and sociable with people to ghosting them one week after. He is also evolving and changing is opinions and his friends

Capricorn 2nd Jupiter: He is someone very sensitive despite not showing it to the world. He tries his best to focus and to hide his feelings. Changkyun possesses a lot of insight and intuition that is often put under the mug due to his overthinking

Capricorn 3rd Mercury: He is very goal and work-oriented, his mind is always focusing and thinking about work, about what needs to be done and what he has yet to due. He is a rational person too, he doesn't like to be involved with emotions despite himself being a huge sensitive in heart.

Sun Aquarius 3rd: To be honest his work and his public figure are his personality, meaning that if you strip him of his idol persona he is nothing, he won't be able to find himself. He has his own structure around the character he built and the person he wants to show to others. That doesn't mean he is fake since his idol persona is still him on a version he wishes people to know him for

Mars Aquarius 3rd: Again the fact that he has so may placements around his 3rd house really shows to which point this man is very focused on what matters. He wants to be different, he doesn't want to be mainstream, he wants to be "that guy" the one that is different, unique unconventional. Changkyun wants to shock as much as he wants to attract

Uranus Aquarius 3rd: Always in constant change like I said earlier, he really isn't able to keep one moral or value for long, he is always changing to try and develop his character.

Neptune Capricorn 3rd: Changkyun is someone that suffers in silence, someone that thinks and overthinks a lot about things and yet he always pretends to have everything under control by controlling his environment. but honestly inside his mind, it's a jesus help.

Venus pisces 4th: Despite all of that he is lighthearted, he is someone who wants to love, to be loved, to have his own kids and family yet his dreams are so out of touch that is very complicated for him to stick to realistic goals that he can reach.He is also very very romantic

Moon Aries 5th: He is a creative mind, passionate. Everything he does he does it with his heart, with his raw emotions. He wants t be true to himself by doing things that have his personality and his own way to be. so per example, his songs are really very deep and connect to his soul.

empty 6th Aries: He has a lot of health complications with his placement, mostly he gets easily toothache for example, headaches, and burns his tongue frequently. He is prone to head diseases. he also gets easily bored with things

Empty 7th Taurus: Changkyun has huge committing issues when it comes to relationships, he loves too raw, gets possessive and jealous too easily, he never rusts his partner 100% because for him there are always things the person can do to hurt him

Empty 8th Gemini: he can gaslight people to get what he wants, despite his true nature, Changkyun also knows how to be a "fake bitch" to hurt and to get things from people. Also this usually comes out during self-destructive moments when he is drunk for example.

Empty 9th Cancer: He has little faith in things. Like he belives there is the greater good, yet he gets easily into that state where blaming a god or a religion for his bad karma.

Empty 10th Leo: Again, the only bad thing about this is that he always has to pretend to be someone he isn't at work. Also Changkyuncan be a little arrogant and egoistic, putting himself on a pedestal when it comes to his talents.

Empty 11th Virgo: He has a hard time making friends and keeping them since people get easily tired of him and also they don't like the fact that he can easily get judgemental and cold toward people.

Empty 12th Libra: Terrible dealing with stress, with anxiety or depression or any type of negative emotion. Whenever he isn't well mentally, Changkyun gets overly dependent of the people he loves or he completely removes them from his life

[nicromancytarot]

Hey! How are you? Thank you for answering my ask if you’re reading this 🫶🏽

I am ZD and I wish for my fs to have my same values. Being open minded and accepting to LGBTQ, religions, cultures, etc.

I wanted to ask for any messages from my fs and I’m comfortable with any 18+ messages that may come through. Thank you ahead of time! 🩵

Unfortunately since your age was not specified, I cannot fulfil the 18+ side of things (sorry for the inconvenience), but here’s everything else!

THEIR OPINIONS AND BELIEFS:

Firstly, I felt the need to read a little deeper into their understanding and beliefs for LGBTQ+ and I honestly just got that they don’t care for it, not in a close-minded way, but more of the fact that they just see people as people, disregarding the labels one decides to identify by. I also got that this could be a gay marriage or they may just be very supportive of gay marriages.

Their personality is very open-minded when it comes to these things, I see that they like to talk about their opinions on a lot of things, and they enjoy even debating about it with you sometimes, like if you guys happen to have head-butting opinions, they will enjoy having a debate with you about it, not an argument, just debate.

They can come off a little pretentious at times, but they don’t mean to, it’s just that they are very stubborn in life and they always believe they are in the right, this isn’t something to be worried about though because I notice that you can teach them another perspective and they will be interested in it and it may even change their opinion on a topic.

A weird thing I got was that they are fine with having contradicting opinions with themself, it’s like they enjoy playing devils advocate in their own mind and it’s somewhat entertaining to them.

CHANNELLED MESSAGE:

They see that you may currently be going through a difficult time in your life, you are holding onto someone or something that is not good for you and they wish for you to let go, they also mention the need for you to branch out and meet new people outside of your own community, making more friends could be very good for you, it could also be from friends, that you two meet.

They mention that you need to use your intuition and gut feelings when it comes to what’s right for you, you seem to be blinded by this picture perfect idea in your head about something, and you need to start looking around to see how your environment or the people in it are affecting you.

They focus highly on a need for you to learn to balance your feminine and masculine qualities, I honestly see you’re already quite feminine (maybe even just mentally) and they are saying you need to start balancing your masculine qualities and mentally with it too.

They can’t wait to be with you, they say the quicker you work on these things, the quicker they can come to you.

[fleshing-out-fodlan]

Crimson Flower vs. Azure Moon Marianne

I think an underrated part of the game is the differences between how the characters change on different routes (tbh I only really see it discussed to trash on CF characterizations when I don’t even think it’s objectively true that all characters are worse off on that route). Since I’m on a Marianne kick I decided to compare some explore quotes from her.

Thesis: While Marianne works to become happier in both routes, in CF she learns moreso to derive this happiness from herself while in AM she learns moreso to derive this happiness from her connections to other people.

Chapter 12

CF

AM

Marianne’s CF dialogue is obviously more focused on herself than her AM dialogue. In CF she says “what if I have the power to change the world” while in AM she says “surely we can win.” I believe this pronoun change, in CF she is feeling empowered to break free and become her own person while in AM she is feeling like she is a part of a strong group.

Chapter 13

CF

AM

Both routes here involve Marianne’s father telling her where to go, however I do believe Marianne seems more content with her decision in CF and like it’s something she would want independently of her father, even going so far as to say she would disobey his orders showing her dedication to the cause. On the other hand, in AM she doesn’t say anything about how she feels about the cause and the thing that gives her hope is hearing that someone else who she has developed a strong bond with wants her around. This contrast again shows how AM Marianne places a stronger emphasis on her bonds with other people.

Chapter 13

CF

AM

Honestly I don’t have much to say here, I don’t feel like the change in this says much about her characterization. You could say CF Marianne is freely volunteering her thoughts without needing prompting like AM Marianne and maybe there’s something too that but it does feel like a bit of a stretch to me so I’ll just leave it at that.

Chapter 14

CF

AM

As the story progresses, the explore dialogues stop being direct counterparts so the analysis may feel a bit more disjointed but let’s see what we can get from these. This is a scene of CF Marianne deriving happiness/comfort from a support network as opposed to herself (being consoled by Byleth and turning to her faith). In order to be truly happy you do need to be able to derive happiness both from yourself and others so I think it’s good to see CF Marianne relying on other people despite her increased sense of independence on this route. In AM we see a lack of confidence we haven’t seen yet in CF with her directly saying she’s “not very good” at something. She also says she is following her father’s orders which I think helps prove my earlier point that Marianne is more concerned about her father’s opinion on this route than CF. However, we do see her move on quickly from her self deprecation, pointing out an accomplishment she had and using that as a source of comfort which is a healthy approach. No one is ever going to have 0 negative thoughts about themself so it’s good seeing Marianne able to cope with these negative feeling and not just letting them destroy her.

Chapter 15

CF

AM

Here we do see the self deprecation we just saw in AM Marianne in CF Marianne with her saying she’s weak without the goddess. We don’t see her utilizing any sort of coping mechanism here which, while not inherently indicative of the fact that she has none, is still interesting. I wonder if CF Marianne feels her emotions in more extremes while AM Marianne has more consistent, middle of the road emotions?? Something I definitely want to look out for in the future but not sure if this theory will bear any fruit. Anyways, another interesting thing about CF Marianne is the ways he hangs on to her religion like we saw with her mourning Claude. Her holding onto her faith in CF is remarkable to me because of the environment she’s in. While I know Edelgard doesn’t want to completely abolish the religion, when you’re fighting against members of the church in order to dismantle it, there’s definitely going to be some sort of pressure to abandon your religion and I’m sure you would hear some not so nice comments about religion and religious people form fellow soldiers. So Marianne holding onto her faith shows her strong resolve and how she is willing to stick by her personal beliefs even if it doesn’t fit in with those around her. AM Marianne brings up her dad again, making this the third time compared to CF Marianne only bringing him up once. Marianne does say that she wants him to forget about her showing a desire for independence, but the fact that she continues to worry about her father’s views shows how she has not completely broken free from him.

Chapter 16

CF

AM

Here we see CF Marianne discussing her religion here and her using it to provide herself with a sense of comfort. Not much to comment on here except that she seems more confident in her relationship with religion here than she did last chapter. I find AM Marianne’s dialogue to be really interesting and I like hearing her reflect on her past perspectives in order to show how much she’s grown. I do think a lot can be said about this dialogue but I don’t think much of it would be related to what this post is about so I’m moving on.

AM Chapters

So as I’m sure most of you know, CF is shorter than the rest of the routes. I’ve gone through all the CF explore dialogues already and still have some AM ones left so I’m just going to go over those ones in their own section now.

Pretty basic sentiment and I think CF Marianne would feel similarly (replacing DImitri with Edelgard) if in that situation so not much to say here.

Another mention of her father, AM Marianne obviously is more dependent on her father than CF Marianne. This is likely a result of her spending more time with him in AM than CF. In both routes she goes back to assist him after the initial Garreg Mach battle, but in CF she joins the imperial army in the same year while in AM she doesn’t join the kingdom’s army for another four years. Interesting how she comments on his wellness before her own which again shows how AM Marianne spends more energy thinking about other’s than about herself. 

Her final AM dialogue is literally exactly the same as her final CF dialogue so I feel no need to report it. 

My Verdict: Honestly, I think both Marianne’s are capable of leading a happy and fulfilling life and I can see why someone would prefer either one. That being said, I do prefer CF Marianne. I think AM Marianne’s dependence on her father is a bit much and I think CF Marianne’s lack of concern for that is going to allow her to figure out what truly makes her happy without trying to please him. Also the things I’ve read about Margrave Edmund lead me to view him as a not particularly good father so I think getting some space from him will really benefit Marianne. I also think she seems more at peace with herself. While I would say AM Marianne seems to have a slightly stronger bond with Byleth than CF Marianne due to how she often seeks comfort from them, I do prefer CF Marianne’s stronger sense of independence over that. I honestly love her first CF explore dialogue where she wonders if she also has the power to change the world and if she holds onto that sense of empowerment I really think she can accomplish a lot.

Anyways, that’s my thoughts on CF vs. AM Marianne. I’m interested to hear which version of Marianne others prefer (if you even have a preference) and why so please either leave a comment or reblog with your opinions.

[aleck-le-mec]

Pagan ways to honor Palestinians

Like every other respectable human being these days I feel absolute terror, sadness and guilt seeing what’s happening to the PEOPLE of Gaza. Paganism has always been a way for me to deal with emotions and difficult things so I’m here to share what I’ve done and what I will continue to do to honor the people we have lost.

Of course donating funds, signing petitions, voting, protesting, talking about the genocide and boycotting is all a given but these are my spiritual/ grieving ceremonies. It’s important to balance both activism and the human need to grieve/ process in order to keep one’s humanity, avoid burnout and desensitization to this kind of violence.

Veiling

Veiling is a thing that some pagans do for all of their own reasons but I’ve found it to be a good way to honor others. If you veil with a kufiya, a historic scarf of Palestine this is also sending a message of exactly what and who you're standing for. I veil with a scarf that I inherited from my grandmother, like the martyrs of Palestine I never got to meet her, I never got the chance to know what she feared or what she loved. That symbol of loss and what could have beens’ remind me that we are all united in loss, we all are losing something through this genocide family, friends, lovers, coworkers, doctors, students, peers. Because of that loss we have to keep fighting we don’t have a choice, this genocide is everyone’s problem, it’s evryone’s loss.

Veiling in public spaces as a pagan can also help others feel more comfortable and like they have a friend in otherwise foreign places. I’m always reminded of what I heard a Sikh man say about his turban. He said that he wears it to let others know that he is there, someone you can pick out of a crowd at a glance and find easily if you’re in need of help. I always thought that was a simple beautiful sentiment that anyone can follow regardless of religion or spirituality.

Conscious grieving and candle light practice

Sometimes all you need to do is to sit down and think about things, cry a bit and be angry. Candle light visuals are important in almost every culture, they’re a universal sign of grieving and honoring someone so why not hold your own? If you have a coven/ group to do one with that’s cool but it isn’t any less honorable to do a private visual, hold that space to remember what you’ve lost and what you’ve seen. Think about what could have been, think about it and let it burn, let it hurt then promise yourself never again. Promise that this will never happen again, not if you have anything to say about it. Promise that as long as you live you will not stay silent as anyone feels this pain no matter their race, religion, or beliefs. Decide once and for all that this isn’t fair.

Displaying the palestinian flag and having one with you

It’s not uncommon for pagans, especially witches, to carry charms with them or on their person, it can be a sign of devotion or protection. So if you keep a symbol of Palestine with you it will remind you gently throughout your day that this will not go away. It's also a call to others to remember. Personally I have a bracelet that I made at the beginning of the genocide and I haven’t taken off since. I’m 50% irish/scottish and follow a lot of celtic paganism, knots are really important in celtic beliefs they’re strong, complex and can symbolize an everlasting devotion or connection. Having a knotted bracelet I made specifically with the intent of remembering Palestine in the flag’s colors is important to me and I will not take it off until I see a free Palestine.

Offerings to the wild/ learn

In general a lot of pagans make offerings to the wild without it being for a certain reason but it can’t hurt to put an intention around it. By offerings I’m not talking about blood sacrifices or anything crazy, tough people do that sometimes and honestly respect that level of commitment. I’m just talking about food scraps or planting seeds in your garden, you must remember to take care of your local wildlife too. Plant some wildflowers and as they grow remember that life finds a way, remember that the people we have lost live through you. Try and learn about Palestine before the occupation, learn about what they loved, what they feared and carry that with you, share it with other people. As long as you live and as long as you continue to speak, let it be for those who couldn’t make it, say their names and never stop growing your garden.

[eclecticwordblender]

Don't you get upset with desi gyns trying to bring justifications for their ""sanskari"" culture?

Also I think I'm going to have a hard time being friends with moid and hindu obsessed women here. No separatist women :(

i will answer both the paragraphs separately.

i have problems with the term "sanskaari" because it is rooted in some version of the madonna-whore binary (i’m sure there is a hindi term for this but english is my first language despite hindi being my mother tongue so i only know the english term). but i really would like to dissect what the woman means with the term sanskaari. honestly, my maternal grandmother often uses this term but more often than not she is referring to having non-aggressive behaviours or not dressing like a stripper (she is not asking anyone to not wear crop tops or shorts, this is more like dressing practically naked). so it really depends on the context.

that being said, sanskaars are closely associated with upholding culture and the responsibility of that is disproportionately (almost exclusively) assigned to women. so there’s a major problem. personally, as i have talked about before i have been very fortunate in terms of privilege. it is rather rare for someone to say things like thiin my bubble. my grandmother used the word sanskaari a couple of days back to refer to a male friend of mine who does a lot of housework and is generally the responsible sober driver after parties. so i don’t think i have experience being annoyed with that term, none that i can think of at the top of my head, but yes i get what you mean.

coming to the second part, i totally get what you mean. let me clarify i’m not a complete separatist myself. my separatism is rather limited to referring media created by women first and foremost, not engaging in any new romantic/sexual relationships and not making any new male friends. i have males in my life who i have known since before discovering radical feminism. i am rad leaning and agree with the ideologies but i haven’t adopted everything i preach irl as of yet.

that being said, hinduism and male obsessed women really do get on my nerves too. but you’ll actually be surprised how many women can be talked out of it! i do know that your are anti-intoxicants but i find the best way to get drunk or high and start talking feminist philosophy. more often than not, the girl is going to understand. she will probably admit that it would be difficult for her to adopt all this irl BUT SHE WILL UNDERSTAND AND SHE WILL BE A GOOD FRIEND. although i must admit that such experiences are also a product of my privileges. most male-centred women actually view feminism as a tool to make males better partners for them. if you cannot talk a woman out of this in 5 minutes, just leave her be. she cannot be reasoned with. she’s one of the few women patriarchy chooses to empower so as to posit that the emancipation of other women is not needed and that women have it easier. she doesn’t want to make it out of here.

you’ll probably not find many rad-fems in india. and it gets lonely so you need friends too. to resolve this paradox i make some provisions.

it’s okay to befriend a het-partnered woman, it is not okay to befriend a woman who thinks her heterosexual partner is "not like other men."

it is okay to befriend a religious woman, it is not okay to befriend a woman who tried to talk me into adopting her religion and one who votes on the basis of her religious beliefs.

it is okay to not cut off the old male connections i have but it is not okay to make new ones. if a woman alleges any one of my old male connections, i will believe her over any of them no matter what.

this is probably not the answer you were looking for but i just went on with whatever flow of thoughts i could gather.

[missmaywemeetagain]

I need to tell someone this, get it off my chest, and I don’t think my irl friends will understand. So I’m trusting you.

I have never felt more in love in my life. I haven’t fangirled this hard in 6 years, probably never this hard in my life. I’m so in love with this man. I just watched the Elvis movie and of course I thought I was going to have a *little* Austin Butler phase, but to my surprise I barely even touched Austin, to my surprise I’ve fallen down the Elvis Presley rabbit hole, harder than ive ever fallen before. I didn’t know anything about him before that movie and here I am listening to all his music and slowly going thru his movies and TV appearances. I barely say “i love you” out loud but I’ve been saying it over and over when I listen to his singing and when I watch him on the screen.

I feel insane. I’ve been contemplating breaking up with my boyfriend because I feel so in love with this man who, even if he was still alive, i would never be with. I’ve been contemplating convincing myself heaven is real just to know I’ll meet him one day. Very intense. This “confession” is all light hearted, but I am honestly wondering if I’m the only one... I’m going crazy right?!

(I feel very embarrassed to be telling anyone this, so if you think I’m crazy pls be nice😭 but I felt like I had to tell someone)

Oh, Nonnie honey, Nonnie BABY, I think that SO MANY of us here can relate to what you are saying!

First, thank you for sharing this with me! I so very much connect with what you are saying here on a number of levels.

Listen, my life has been a series of hyperfixations and fandoms and there is a very good reason I call myself a “lifelong fangirl.” I’ve made shows/music/musicals/ people my entire personality for certain moments in time for as long as I can remember. Now I’m writing A LITERAL NOVEL imagining a romance with a man who’s been dead for nearly half a century. And I LOVE it. It can be intense and irl people sometimes (often) think I’m nuts but it’s part of my DNA to be this way and I am cool with that!

All this to say that with Elvis Presley, things are a little bit different. This is my second go-around with him and it is definitely more intense in a lot of ways than other fandoms I’ve been in, especially this time around, I think because of the Elvis community on social media has exploded since the movie and there is more info so readily available about him now than ever before. Maybe it’s because the world and life have been a complete clusterfuck for the last few years and it’s just nice to settle into something that makes us feel GOOD and connects us to people. Elvis is perhaps one of the first and strongest parasocial relationships in the world, and research has shown that parasocial relationships in general are on the rise because of what’s been going on in the world. So there’s THAT, too!

But let’s be real—Elvis is unlike anyone or anything before or after him. I am not entirely kidding when I say I’m convinced he has some preternatural/supernatural/ethereal/not-of-this-world quality to him that is simply unexplainable. Like how does a man who has been DEAD 45 YEARS STILL MANAGE TO GAIN/KEEP DIEHARD FANS all this time later? How does he have nearly as many people visit his home as they do the White House? How is he still one of the most prolific recording artists of all time? His fans have been equated to a religion. That is POWERFUL SHIT. It’s as if he was a star than burned so intensely, so brightly, that made such an impact, that the world couldn’t sustain him for a lifetime.

Yet he was a very real and complex human person that did some extraordinary things and had extraordinary gifts and talents. He was good and bad and everything in between and honestly I find him endlessly fascinating and beautiful and tragic. And good god, he was so incredibly gorgeous in such an otherworldly way. Ugh. He literally changed society with his beauty and music. That’s crazy in itself!

I am not a super spiritual person, and fairly skeptical, and yet I too find myself wondering and exploring and experiencing things I never would’ve CONSIDERED before because of him. It’s strange and eerie and blows my mind on the regular, tbh. Somehow, he came around in my life again at EXACTLY the right time and my world is very different/better than it was 6 months ago partially due to his presence.

I, too, have moments of feeling completely insane at how invested I am emotionally in this man I will never meet and how utterly, impossibly strange it feels to hold such love for a person who has been gone longer than I’ve been alive. I am lucky that my partner puts up with me and it and is understanding enough to be like, “this is weird but okay.”

He’s addictive in every possible way. I don’t know how else to describe it. I guess I’ve channeled all these intense and crazy feelings into Pink Scarf and somehow that makes me feel better because I’m creating something from this madness. It inspires me and makes me reach for my own dreams. And I’ve met this incredible community on top of it all.

So, Nonnie, you are very much NOT alone. I can’t say that it’s not crazy because it is a bit but in the best way possible and we’re right there with you!!💗💗💗

But also, take breaks. Don’t break up with your boyfriend (unless it’s truly not working for you in other ways). See and talk to people irl who have nothing to do with E. Read books or watch media unrelated to him. These are things I actively have to do make myself do to stay sane. It’s okay cuz E will always be around when you come back, and so will we!!

I hope this helps. Lovin’ you, Nonnie! 💗💗