#and it’s folly to pretend anything else

[dollypopup]

I can't stop thinking about Colin on his travels. Colin, alone, on a journey to 17 different cities, across several countries. Colin on his own.

Colin who writes letter after letter, to his family, to his friends, and barely gets a response back. How long before he understands that they didn't get lost in the mail? How long until he realizes that, just like when he was a boy, no one has the time for him? The space for him? How many letters unanswered before he lets it finally take root and fester in his mind?

He could have died on that tour.

Would they even notice? Would they see when the letters slow until they cease? Would they wonder why? His mum, surely (maybe, possibly, but she has enough on her hands, besides, and he's never been a concern, in need of her assistance, before), but anyone else? Anthony on his honeymoon, Eloise a stormcloud personified, Benedict taking on the familial responsibilities, Fran preparing for the marriage mart and in Bath, regardless. Daphne, his closest sister, a mum running her own estate.

Greg and Hyacinth who enjoy his stories, but are children.

Pen who ignores him. No explanation, no goodbye.

Colin who has no one in his corner. Colin who travels city to city, putting on personas. Will they like me? What about now? Colin who has hardly anything to read from the people he loves. Who do not think of him.

And yet he thinks of them. Brings them back gifts, writes his recollections for them until it hits him that, oh, they don't care. They don't care what he's doing, how he's doing. They didn't want to hear it before, when he was there with them, and they do not want to hear it now, either. Did they even open those envelopes? Did they see them come through the post, just as proof he's alive, and shrug off the contents? Did they look? Once, Colin sends an empty page. No one notices. Easier, then, to send just the outsides. People only ever care about the outsides. Pretty and prim in neat packages, uncaring of what lies beneath. Sea sick on the rocking boats, staring up at stars on the continent, Colin grows aware, but not bitter. Sad, but resigned.

He loves his family, he loves Pen, loves them to grace, loves them to it's okay. It was him, he determines. Too chatty, his letters too long, uninteresting, his passions dull or droll, or else, worse, he's displeased them in some way. Colin who takes refuge in stranger's arms and homes, who dreams and tries to sate his curiosity. Colin who pretends, because anyone, anyone but him would be received better, he's sure of it. Colin who must talk too much, surely, and with no one to listen. Colin who learns to hush.

Yes. Remarkable- as in, I have many remarks about it.

How many times did he go to excitedly write of what he did that week, and stopped himself, knowing it was a waste? How many times did he write and throw into the fire a letter asking Why don't you see me? Why don't you care?

If he didn't make it, how long would it take for anyone to notice? A month? Two? A year? Would they wave it off as his frivolity, denounce him as a flake and fume about the funds? Would they wonder where it was he had lost himself off at?

He cannot fall into that, so, he writes in his journal, instead. Of the ache of it, of how he longs for connection, for understanding, for someone to take him seriously. He keeps it with him, this log of his discontent, of his folly and felicity, of his pitfalls and pains.

If he didn't make it, would they realize all that's left of him is what he sent them, not even a body to bury? Did he look over the side of a bow of a boat and look at the churn of the ocean and think of how many bones it held? Did he tip his face to the sun? How many new scars did he earn? Who did he befriend?

Who did he become?

Somewhere along the line, Colin learned. He learned the real him wasn't wanted.

Somewhere along the line, somewhere between Patmos and Paris, Colin left Colin behind.

And, somewhere along the line, Colin laid face to face with loneliness in his bed, and it wrapped its arms around him.

[accirax]

Danganronpa: Despair Time Chapter 2 Episode 14 Dissection

I can't think of how to introduce this dissection other than just saying "god damn??". This chapter-- especially its second part-- has been a wild ride, and one that it appears we're nearing the end of. However, we still have one important question left to answer, which I'm sure I'll talk about here. So, let's chat.

SPOILERS for Danganronpa: Despair Time Chapter 2 Episode 14.

Also, I will be discussing Ace and Eden as equally likely blackened candidates in this post. If it will upset you to hear about the prospects of either or both of them being the killer, you might want to sit this one out.

Given what happens later in the episode, it's very interesting that the episode began with (more or less) Ace "admitting" that he has no idea how the murder mechanism worked. A truthful method of disqualification, or a masterful play by Ace to ask Teruko to ask him about the murder method only to pretend that he has no idea what it was? Time will have to tell on that one, because I honestly have no leads.

Similarly, is this Eden being genuinely shaken up and not remembering what transpired in the Gym, or trying to play the helpless innocent card to get out of having to help Teruko explain the murder method that she stole? Spoilers for my thoughts later in this dissection, I guess: they're so evenly matched that it's crazy.

I've always thought that Hu is the prettiest DRDT character, and this episode did nothing but prove me right. Hot damn, ma'am.

The insistence that this questioning is "traumatizing [Nico]" makes me think that Hu could be projecting her own experiences on to them. Perhaps she was once an innocent in a situation for which she kept taking the blame? That would be interesting as another connection between Hu and Nico, of both of them having taken the blame for someone else's follies.

This was a hilarious comeback; never change, Ace. Or, maybe you do need to change slightly, to become a less cowardly and impulsive person. Or maybe I should at least be rooting for you to have the chance to change in the sense that you live long enough to have that work out for you.

Yet another instance of J being the one to say that murder is bad. I wonder if this has to do with her character/backstory in some particular way (although given what we know about her past I have no idea what that would be), or if DRDTdev just needed a judgmental and confrontational person who would snap back at anyone to take over these kinds of lines.

(That's not me dunking on J's character btw she's valid for this)

This was a really clever way for Charles to phrase this to make Hu listen and settle down. I appreciate the out-of-the-box yet logical thinking. (Also I missed hearing Charles' voice :,D)

Woah, I was not expecting to get a Closing Argument comic for the Gym murder, but I am obviously delighted that we have one! Also, OH MY GOD, THE CEILING GRATE. How did none of us even think to consider that as part of the murder mechanism?

However, there are still some aspects of the state of the Gym that haven't yet been accounted for with this version of the murder timeline. I don't really think it's anything that would stop Nico from being Ace's would-be killer at this point, but I'll list them out here in case they are or in case they turn out to be relevant to Arei's murder. I'll also be trying to debunk them, though.

Moved Benches: Some of the benches near the pullup bar were knocked over. These probably fell either in some sort of struggle while knocking out Ace, or when Ace's body fell from the fan.

Moved Weight Rack: The weight rack was moved closer to the bench press and flipped on its back. I guess this really was also knocked over in the same fashion, no matter how unrealistically difficult it should have been to move due to its weight? Or it really was "workout preferences"???

Nico's Missing Cowl: When Teruko and Eden found Nico at the scene of the crime, they weren't wearing their typical dark cape thing. I have no clue why. You could say that Nico was trying to look less instantly recognizable, but it's not as if anyone (other than maybe Teruko) who saw a dark-haired 5'5" individual in a blue shirt instead of a gray cowl would think it was anyone other than Nico. There's also ye olde theory that they might have used it to soak up blood somewhere, but 1) Ace seems to have lost less blood than it may have seemed, and 2) the cowl was still not seen anywhere in the crime scene. I think I remember speculating that after Nico hypothetically used it to soak up blood (or, on second thought, maybe used it to gag Ace with the turpentine), they then stuck it in the fridge to hide it for the time being, at which point MonoTV discarded it and Nico got a new cape from their room. Maybe if it was used to apply the turpentine, Nico also could've put it away to prevent themselves from being affected by the fumes? I guess that's what I'm going with.

Lack of Tape on Pullup Bar: So, this one is obviously relevant to the murder already because Rose not being able to do a pullup is part of what tips off Teruko to the fact that something is off with the tape. However, I have no idea why the tape actually got removed from the bar. I still maintain that I don't think anyone could have stolen the tape off of that bar and repurposed it elsewhere-- most online sources seem to agree that kinesiology tape isn't reusable, and the fact that it was already wrapped around the bar in such a tight spiral would make it difficult to conform to any new specific shapes. My best guess is that Nico might have tried to use the bar instead of the light grate at first, determined that the tape was preventing the wire from sliding properly, and then removed the tape before determining the bar still didn't work. Or, Nico could have tried using the bar before settling on the broom, and thinking that it wouldn't work with tape on it... for some reason? Kinda scratching my head here.

I wonder how long ago it was. It's been four days since the Chapter 2 motive was revealed, although Ace was attacked only two days after the motive. Furthermore, Ace had started bullying Nico to some level already by the end of Chapter 1. I'm sure that Nico must have known what their secret was and probably didn't want it to be shared. My guess would be that they probably started cooking on murder pretty shortly after the new motive was released. That would also work with Charles-via-Whit letting everyone know what the custom weapons were in the first Class Trial.

This was the perfect response for Nico's character. They don't understand why an untruthful "sorry" would actually serve as a courtesy for most people, so they try to say what they feel and get ostracized for it.

Gotta say though, Ace, that was a pretty aggressive reaction from someone who said he "didn't need other people to tell him lies just to keep him happy" ;) (/j)

Damn, way to throw Levi under the bus. I can see why, for someone like Nico, they would want to assert themselves as not the most abnormal person here, though. I just want them to be neurodivergent buddies :(

If that's the case, then I'd have to imagine that we won't be seeing Nico as a killer again down the line. However, they could also just mean "getting caught"/"going in without a solid gameplan," so it's still possible we will. There's also the possibility of them doing something more like a sacrifice kill, although it would take a lot of character work to make something like that feel within Nico's nature.

Sorry to keep screenshotting every little thing Nico says but they keep saying really interesting things. The fact that Nico specifically mentions their father as opposed to "parents" or "family" makes me think that we'll hear more about their father specifically sometime in the future. Or, who knows, maybe their other parent left or died.

Nico: I don't expect you to forgive me. Very few people ever do. So I don't see the point in acting sorry.

This was very interesting as an addendum to the above screenshot. What exactly did Nico "ask for" forgiveness for in the past? Was it just more social blunders, as they described in ch2-e2, or did they get into more trouble closer to this level than we realized? It could also be an indication that Nico has spent time with people who believe that being nonbinary is a crime that Nico needs to feel sorry for. Fascinating stuff, indeed.

Points for Ace being the killer. We know that he went into this trial looking to suspect Nico ("[...] I'm pretty sure I know who the murderer is. It's not David, it's Nico"), so if Ace is the killer, it would make sense if he'd want to make the crime scene resemble Nico's to make his bait more credible.

Hey, it's the aforementioned T A P E T I M E, motherfuckers :D (still /j) Personally, it's quite gratifying to hear that it wasn't just a visual malfunction or a minor detail blown way out of proportion.

You're, uh... getting to this point much faster than I expected, queen. I don't think she's now going to go down the exact same distrustful rabbit hole that she was in before, but there's definitely still potential for her hopes to be crushed by the end of this chapter. Or, maybe she will accept some people as genuine friends, and instead in the future have to confront how she feels when she loses a genuine friend, or not blaming herself for the effects of her luck, or something along those lines. I like that Teruko isn't a static edgy protagonist, though. Like, don't get me wrong, I've always known and appreciated that she has depth, but it's refreshing that she isn't someone who's so stubborn about her own way of thinking that she refuses to admit when she's in the wrong. Teruko really wants friends, guys.

TERUROSE REAL??????

(Also Rose's speech was excellent as well I just didn't have anything in particular to say about it other than "wow" at the moment)

Yahoo, lockdown logic strikes again! Also, a quick

Is Teruko Correct In This Assumption?

Personally, I fully think yes, only Ace or Eden could be the culprit at this point. MonoTV confirmed that it tried to restore the Gym to the best of its ability but couldn't return the tape, which means both that there was no tape in the Gym to be taken and that there was never any spare tape in the Storage Room that MonoTV could have used to replace the roll. I guess you could say that there was an extra roll of tape in the Storage Room that someone else took before the murder took place, but that level of coincidence seems implausible at this point in the Trial.

No, for anyone other than Eden or Ace to have acquired the tape, they must have either stolen it from one of those two or asked for it from one of those two. Asking them seems very unlikely-- for starters, if it was Ace who took the tape, I don't think he'd be giving free hand-outs to anyone. And, if Eden isn't the killer herself, that means all of her fright regarding stumbling upon Ace's body was genuine. I don't think she's naive enough to then hand over what was used in Ace's murder to anyone asking... or at least not without bringing it up now. Beyond that, anyone who would ask either of them for the tape would have to know that the tape was used in the murder attempt, knowledge of which was very limited. This episode went to lengths to establish that Nico was the sole culprit behind the attack on Ace, and while it's still possible it could all be an elaborate lie, the explanation Nico gave felt very in character and important for their characterization moving forwards. So, while Nico would obviously know it was used, if Nico asked either of them for the tape, surely neither Eden nor Ace would trust them. Otherwise, I think Rose is the only one who could have found out it was gone, but even so, given that neither Eden nor Ace have tried to argue that Rose asked them for the tape, I don't think that happened.

You could also say the same of neither Eden nor Ace claiming to have had the tape stolen from them-- but I could see either of them feeling like claiming to have taken the tape at all right now would be a death sentence, so I understand why they wouldn't say it. Still, I don't know if the narrative is there to support the tape having been stolen from them. On the day after the Gym murder (Day 7), Eden isn't seen in the daily life at all. If someone stole the tape from Eden on that day, I would think that DRDTdev would at least want to show us who Eden was spending time with on that day (given that he put in the effort to make the tape sprite disappear from the Gym at the time it did), so that we would have any idea who might have done so. Ace is seen once in the Day 7 daily life, arguing with Hu, Nico, Levi, Veronika, and Arei. However, having just been attacked, I imagine he'd be hyper-aware of anyone getting close to him, and therefore would be more likely to notice if someone was rifling around in his pockets (if he has pockets?).

Really, I think the only possible candidates for who could have stolen tape from Ace or Eden would be Levi (mostly just for Ace) and Arei (from either of them). Levi might have had an opportunity to take the tape from Ace on the night he was attacked, the night of Day 6. Eden said last episode that Levi "kept trying to help him" after Ace was attacked, which could imply that Levi was the one to put bandages around Ace's neck. Furthermore, he does have a criminal past, which could make him better at stealing. Similarly, Arei is confirmed to be a good pickpocket, stealing Min's pen without Min noticing at all. I think she's the only one with the proper buildup to have taken the tape from Ace at that breakfast, and would be the most likely to have spent time with Eden when Eden was off-screen. (Although, it would have to have been before lunch, because Eden says the last time she saw Arei was at lunch.)

However, I don't think many people think that Levi is the killer anymore, and if Arei stole the tape from Eden or Ace only for the killer to then steal the tape from Arei, I would start to wonder why DRDTdev even made the tape such a scarce resource in the first place. Remember that, if the killer was purposefully trying to recreate Nico's idea, they likely knew in advance that they would need the tape to pull off their plan. It was used in enough places that seizing the opportunity to take it off of Arei seems unlikely, as it was too fundamental to the plan's inception. Besides, for the killer to replicate Nico's plan in the first place, the killer likely needs to be Nico, Eden, Ace, or Teruko, who are the ones who could have most easily taken the tape on their own.

I've already seen people accuse this Trial of being bloated, and while I strongly disagree (I only think cases are bloated when they're stalling for time and have nothing of interest to discuss, and we've still had PLENTY of interesting stuff to discuss), if we spent a whole 'nother who-knows-how-many episodes reversing all of the progress we just made to say that either Nico wasn't actually the one to kill Ace or that someone who didn't see the crime scene killed Arei, that bloating problem would only seem worse to those people.

I understand if you don't want to believe that Eden or Ace has to be the culprit for whatever reasons-- whether that be that they're your favorites and you don't want them to die or you really like your theory and don't want it to be false-- but I really think that this episode cemented that either Ace or Eden will be voted for as the blackened for all of the reasons above. Therefore, I shall be proceeding accordingly.

She was WILD for this. Hilarious line of reasoning.

What's Up With the Body Discovery Announcement?

The "reveal" of this line of logic was no surprise to me. As someone who's believed that Eden is the culprit for quite a long time, we've had to figure out ways to get around this thing before, and besides perhaps "not witnessing the murder," someone else seeing the body before the BDA rang is the most obvious way to cheese it.

However, in order for this to be a thing, we have to ask ourselves-- who would have actually seen the body first?

David claims to, but he has an alibi starting at 7:30 AM with Veronika and J. Both because Arei theoretically wasn't dead before then and because we've been operating off of the assumption that a meal takes about 30 minutes to eat, I don't think any of the three of them could have stumbled across Arei in the morning. Nico and Hu both have an alibi, which I'm going to consider solid enough to remove them from possibility-- one of them spotting the body would be helpful to make Eden the killer, and I think the only people who believe that Hu and Nico are lying only believe so under the condition that one of them is the killer. Whit is out, because him seeing the body beforehand doesn't actually accomplish anything, and so is Charles, because we can assume that, if he saw the body, he would be out of commission. I'm also going to strike Rose from seeing the body before breakfast, both because she's very likely to have been asleep and because if she had already seen Arei's body in the Playground, she probably wouldn't have refused to draw a diagram. That would leave only Ace, Levi, and Arturo as non-blackeneds who could have helped facilitate culprit!Eden from not being caught by the BDA.

However, we also have to consider that "before 8 AM" isn't the only time someone could have stumbled across Arei's body. They also could have seen it before Teruko, Eden, and Whit did while everyone was looking for Arei. So, what do we know about what happened during the search for Arei? Not much. Hu says that they should split up, while J says she's going to check Arei's room. Teruko says that most people are probably searching the first floor, an assumption that's supported by Teruko, Eden, and Whit not seeing anyone else while they check the second floor. You might think that would eliminate the possibility of anyone else seeing Arei's body during the search, but Teruko did say most people, not all. There's also what MonoTV said when Teruko and Veronika were investigating the Gym.

MonoTV: It's too high! If you stood in the movie screening room on floor one and started punching through the walls, you'd fall into the playground.

This not-yet-addressed piece of evidence got me thinking about the possibility of someone seeing Arei's body from above, standing in the Motive Screening Room. It still probably couldn't be Teruko, Whit, Charles, Rose, or J, but anyone else would theoretically be back on the table if that were the case. That being said, I can't find any visual differences in how the Motive Screening Room looks between the beginning of Chapter 2, when the search for Arei begins, and when Teruko goes to check the motive secrets (other than a curtain being added over the screen in the third case). So, unless there was already a heretofore unmentioned hole to peek through in the room, I wouldn't count on that being the case. The connection between the Motive Screening Room and the Playground will probably just be relevant to a different chapter.

Therefore, that leaves us once again with Ace, Levi, and Arturo. The main problem with believing that any of them could have seen the body beforehand is why they wouldn't have brought that up at this point in the Trial. Here are my best guesses as to why:

Ace: I have genuinely no clue why Ace wouldn't have brought up that he saw the body in the morning (assuming that he actually did) to defend himself at this point. It's not like it would make anyone more suspicious of you.

Levi: Levi does seem to be a bit dense regarding what is and isn't helpful behavior in a Trial, so the most likely possibility to me is that he just didn't realize that confirming he saw her was helpful. Like, "oh, I didn't realize that me confirming that I saw Arei would help us pin down Eden as the killer. I was just trying to figure out how David and I both saw Arei's body this morning and I didn't see him." "Wh-- David was obviously lying!" "He was?" "I already told you he was lying before..." "Levi... we talked about this..." Bonus points for it not being out of character for Levi to be unfazed by seeing a body, though.

Arturo: In Arturo's case, I think it would have to be that he'd still be worried about people seeing him as suspicious for saying he found Arei's body in the case of accusing Eden specifically. They already have a past history of conflict, and I could see someone brashly accusing Arturo of throwing Eden under the bus just to get revenge on her for the secret thing (even if I don't think he would actually do that). He also made an enemy out of Arei, so I don't think he would be particularly fazed by seeing her corpse either-- similarities to Felicity's cause of death notwithstanding. However, I also find it likely that he trailed after J in going to check Arei's room.

So, what's our conclusion here? Does this mean that Eden is basically fully cleared by triggering the BDA? I wouldn't count her out just yet, but the evidence isn't looking great for her. It's quite possible David only brought up this argument to A) hold out suspension of disbelief that it's not just Ace for a little while longer, B) drop this logic as foreshadowing for a future killer's plan, C) characterize the kind of logic he uses in a Class Trial, or D) bring up this argument in canon so that the people who theorized that the BDA might not clear Eden or Whit wouldn't be like, "wait, but what about...?" However, it's also possible that one of the possibilities I listed above, something I might have missed, or the "see no evil" idea (as FF put it) could keep Eden in contention. That dynamism is part of what makes Ace and Eden feel so evenly matched.

See, this is what I assumed David was getting at after Nico reminded me of his early-morning alibi. But then he just kept talking...

I'm not going to delve into what David was thinking here too much, because I already have an anonymous ask about what I think David's rationale was that this will almost certainly come up in. However, as a short version, I imagine that David is trying to get everyone angry at each other in the hopes that it'll incite another murder that he can get the class to fail? Or to cause enough discord in the group that they just fail this one. That would be why he also rags on Rose for not remembering the tape, and insults Arturo's sister-- he wants no one to trust anyone so that the murder-solving process will be as un-streamlined as possible.

The fact that he targets Teruko so specifically is probably because he (accurately) assesses her as the only real threat there. Charles and Rose can help, sure, but their mental struggles make them easy enough to eliminate if you play your cards right. Teruko's main flaw is her lack of trust, so if David wants to weaken her, it makes sense to go right for that jugular. Furthermore, by stating his plans so plainly and publicly, it might incite other people to fight back against him and say that Teruko should trust them. However, that kind of olive branch might make Teruko even less inclined to get close to them, if what Teruko said to Eden at the end of ch2-e03 can tell us anything. Didn't stop Eden from trying at the end of this last episode, though!

After taking some more time to think about what David was up to this chapter, I might change my mind on those being his goals. But, this post does serve as my initial thoughts of sorts, and that's what I initially think about this scene.

I wholeheartedly agree.

Does Ace Have Nothing To Do With Arei?

What Ace has to say is more or less true-- barring the breakfast in which Arei didn't talk at all (AKA, no conversation), Ace has literally never been in a small group event with Arei. However, although they didn't talk to each other, Ace did overhear the conversation between David and Arei, which does give him a connection to Arei. Quite relevantly, Arei did say this to David during their conversation:

Arei: You said that sharing our secrets would help fight against the motive. But when I think about it, not a single good thing has come out of that. Eden was stupidly naive, as usual, and tried to talk to Arturo, so now I have to protect her.

From this, Ace could probably surmise that Eden had Arturo's secret, she talked to him about it, and that Arei stepped in to save her from Arturo. He was one of the few people who could have known that Eden and Arei grew closer before the murder occurred: another connection Ace had to information about Arei.

However, before you use that evidence to call Ace the killer, let me remind you that he still doesn't have enough information to write the note from just eavesdropping on this conversation alone. As I outlined in this theory (same as the one I just linked above), whoever wrote the note had to specifically know that Arturo's secret was about his sister, which Arei doesn't divulge (quite possibly because she didn't even know) to David. Therefore, although Arei mentioning Arturo and Eden in this conversation is interesting, it doesn't actually make Ace any more likely to be the killer, because he still would have needed to find some way to spy on Eden's secret and/or Arturo and Eden's conversation to write that note. (Unless mentioning the sister specifically was an oversight plot hole, but I never want to use that as my reasoning.)

So, do I get what Arturo is getting at? Yeah, Ace and Arei were never particularly involved, and Eden clearly has a greater connection to the victim. However, there is more to the Ace/Arei bond than it might first appear, and it's possible that could come up in the Trial moving forward.

This distinction-- between "Arei was my friend" and "Arei could have been my friend"-- could be very telling down the line. Eden pauses mid-tear-filled rant to distinguish that Arei is not her friend, not because she's dead, but because they hadn't reached that point yet. Arei is not Eden's friend in death. What can that possibly mean other than that Eden killed Arei?

... BUT THEN HOW THE FUCK CAN EDEN GO AND SAY ALL OF THIS, BE THE KILLER, AND THEREFORE PROVE DAVID RIGHT???

AND THE "BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT FRIENDS DO" REFERENCE??? AT THIS HOUR????? I DON'T EVEN KNOW IF THAT MAKES HER SEEM MORE OR LESS SUSPICIOUS!!!!

OUGH AND THE MIN PARALLELS TOOOOOOO

MIN WAS TERUKO'S FRIEND BUT ALSO A KILLER. DOES THAT MEAN EDEN IS GOING TO BREAK THE CYCLE OR DOES IT MEAN THAT WE'RE STUCK IN A DOOMED STORY IN WHICH TERUKO IS THE PROTAGONIST? IT COULD GO EITHER WAY!!!

Jumping back in time for just a moment...

A Piece of Evidence That Lines Up to Them Only

I thought about making this its own separate post, but decided not to. If you guys want me to make this part it's own separate post so it's easier to find/comment on directly, let me know, and I'll set that up.

But before you can make your decision, I suppose I have to explain what I aim to do here. Basically, Teruko has told us that she's still torn between Eden and Ace (mood), and that, while she'll start off attacking Ace, she's looking for any pieces of evidence that could prove that only one of them could have committed the crime. Problem is, we have no indication of what that specific piece of evidence could be, and, trust me, it could be a lot of them. Thus, what I'm going to do in this "mini" theory is list out every piece of evidence that I can think of, and say whether it points to Eden being the culprit, Ace being the culprit, or it can't point to either of them. Perhaps once we're done, you'll see why I'm so conflicted on which of them it would be.

I'm going to tier these pieces of evidence in terms of least likely to be the missing piece to most likely to be the missing piece, starting with all of the aforementioned unexplained gym evidence. The knocked over benches and weight rack were not part of the replicated crime scene, and I have no idea how Ace or Eden would have wound up with any version of Nico's cowl. The missing tape on the pull-up bar has the greatest likelihood to be relevant, but as we're already suspecting both of them for having the tape, I don't think it'd be a decision maker. Any of those pieces of evidence would be likely to come up in proving that Nico wasn't the one behind Ace's murder, but this theory is operating under the assumption that Nico is the one who tried to kill Ace, and either Ace or Eden killed Arei. If you want the answers for your own theory, do your own homework. (/lh)

Ace or Eden will get a point for any evidence that I think would better be used to accuse them as being the culprit. Therefore, winning points is actually a bad thing if you want to be innocent. For convenience of "scoring," Eden will be purple because of her shirt and Ace will be pink because of his "maroon" hair... and because I needed red and orange for the likelihood ranking.

UNLIKELY FINAL PIECES OF EVIDENCE

Arei's Body Swinging: This evidence has already been used to establish that Arei was killed in the morning, not at night. Either Ace or Eden could have killed Arei at 7:30 AM, so point to neither of them.

Ace Trying to Assign Himself to Guard Duty: This one is obviously a point for Ace if it were the final piece, but it's such a minor happenstance that I doubt Teruko would think to bring it up as the main thing against him. Like, she could bring it up in general, but I don't think it'd be her crowning jewel. Still, it's a piece of evidence we haven't discussed yet, so credit where credit is due.

Arei's Bound Wrists: Bound by the grippy tape that either of them could have stolen. Point to no one.

Broken Playground Lights: The lights in the Playground are broken, likely from the mechanism being hung up through the ceiling rafters. You could argue that this is a point for Ace's strength, but I don't think throwing a ball that high requires so much strength that Eden couldn't do it, especially if you might be able to use the see-saw to launch it somehow. Point to no one.

Dried Up Puddles: This has nothing to do with either of them. Point to no one.

Carousel Wrapped in Tape: Again, either could have had the tape, so point to no one.

Two Pieces of Rope: Either of them could have taken the rope from Storage and cut it; point to no one.

Food/Utensils/Napkins in Trash: Probably David's dinner. Possibly evidence of Eden and Arei having breakfast together, but that's a stretch. Point to no one.

Cups/Tissues/Palette in Trash: Rose says these were hers. Point to no one.

Incense in Trash: I know thebadjoe had (has?) theories about this being used to conceal the scent of Arei's body being hidden in the Relaxation Room a day earlier than anyone thought, but I find that to be too much of a stretch to accost Eden for it here. I think it's just filler. Point to no one.

Grippy Tape in Trash: I should just stop writing out tape evidence. Point to no one.

Broken Jugs: The killer used jugs of water to make Arei heavier, which broke when she fell. They probably had the fish water in them, but we're not talking about the fish themselves at the moment. I'll say point for Ace because the jugs are probably from the Gym, and we've seen Ace in the Gym far more times than we've seen Eden.

Needle and Black Thread: This evidence... might have to do with the ball of clothes, which we'll get to later. However, if this is relevant to the murder, it's probably from the Dress-Up Room, in which we've seen Eden but never Ace. Point to Eden.

Construction of the Note: After a bit of internal debate, I'm going to call this a point for no one. Why? Well, it's because Eden would have reason to help construct the note whether she was the killer or not. If she is the killer, she might have wanted to guide the discussion that followed its reconstruction, to urge to Rose and Whit that she's innocent and that someone must have framed her. It would also give her reason to come into the Trial already having a handwriting sample on her. However, if Eden is innocent, she also easily could have just wanted to help out. Most importantly, Eden already brought up the note being constructed in her initial defense, so I doubt Teruko would reuse it as the nail in someone's coffin.

Splashing Arei With Water: Either of them could have thought of this and accomplished this. Point to no one.

SOMEWHAT LIKELY FINAL PIECES OF EVIDENCE

Body Discovery Announcement: While this may very well play an important part in solving the case, I don't think it'll be the final smash, so to speak. That's mostly because we already talked about it a lot in determining whether Eden could have done it. In the end, I think we'll either have to come up with a way to justify Eden having cheated the BDA-- by Levi or Arturo having seen it or via see no evil-- or we'll accuse Ace without the BDA being a problem. I guess I have to call this a point for Eden because if the BDA were to be the damning evidence, I think it'd have to be for her. However, in my heart, this is totally evidence supporting Ace being the killer.

Arei's Broken Neck: I'm using this as a stand-in for the strength of the killer, in the sense of lifting Arei up and being able to stop the carousel. This is a point for Ace, because he's a professional athlete and Eden is generally the weakest person in the cast.

Scratches on the Ground: This evidence certainly seems to indicate that there was a struggle at the Playground, but is there anything more to it than that? I'm more willing to believe that Ace could have beaten Arei in a fight, but does that point to Eden because there would've been more of a struggle, or Ace because Eden wouldn't have wanted to fight Arei at all? Ace also normally wears heels (while Eden and Arei don't), which is what Hu cites will naturally scratch up the floor. This evidence is vague enough that I don't think it'll be used to point to either of them, but if it did, I think it's more likely to be Ace.

Ball of Starched Clothes: For starters, I'll share (I think it's) thebadjoe's theory that the ball was adhered together using starch from the Relaxation Room that's sprayed on the plants at night, because I saw some people questioning how the clothes could have been stuck together. Anyways, the ball of clothes itself is definitely a point for Eden, because we saw her in the Dress-Up Room specifically looking for Teruko's clothes. Although, Ace certainly saw Teruko and Hu's new fits, so he could have figured it out for himself.

Actual Acquisition of the Tape: I don't think this will be used as the final piece just because I feel like the narrative is pointing towards the damning evidence relating to Arei's actual murder as opposed to Nico's. However, it's relevant to discuss, so I'll list it here. Although Teruko says that Ace and Eden had equal odds at the tape, on the surface, it really makes much more sense if Eden was the one to take it. Star explained it well here, but I'll add my own recap: in the moments when the tape must have been taken, in between when Nico leaves and when MonoTV kicks everyone out, Ace is recovering from unconsciousness, covered in blood, full of rage, and has all eyes on him. Meanwhile, Eden is scared, sure, but she had a clear moment to actually examine the scene of the crime and is also knocked to the ground-- potentially right next to the tape-- with all her wits about her. While it's not impossible to believe that Ace sleight-of-handed the tape, Eden had a much clearer path to taking it. Point to Eden.

MOST LIKELY FINAL PIECES OF EVIDENCE

Arei's Missing Glove: To my memory, Arei's glove hasn't been brought up in the Trial at all, which is definitely strange, because it must be missing for a reason. If DRDTdev is crafting so much detail into the BDA that the swinging of the body is plot-relevant, there's no way he would have just missed giving Arei her glove. The question is, what was this used for? Those who are familiar with my theories should know that I've never been a fan of dress-up theories, so I'm going to discount that possibility. The thing I thought was the most likely was that the killer donned the glove so that their hands wouldn't get super scratched up from grabbing the grippy tape-d carousel bars, before gleamingtempest reminded everyone that both Eden and Ace already wear gloves. Still, looking at them, Eden's gloves are probably made of something more like cotton while Ace's gloves likely have some sort of tougher grip on the inside. So, Eden would probably be more likely to need something else to protect her hands. Also, given that both of Arei's wrists have marks on them, the glove was likely taken off before her wrists were tied. I can't figure out why Ace would have taken off Arei's glove before restraining her or how he would have gotten Arei to take it off otherwise, while for Eden, at least, I can imagine her asking Arei to take off her glove. Therefore, I'm going to call this one a point for Eden, while also throwing out that it might just be missing if Arei didn't bother putting on her glove for the early morning meetup.

Fish on the Playground: You've heard it from me before, Eden has an alibi through the entire time the fish could have been taken. With seemingly no accomplices (other than possibly Arei) in sight, I don't know how Eden would have gotten her hands on those fish. Meanwhile, Ace had a great opportunity. Point for Ace.

Pieced-Together Note: This evidence is very confusing, because I don't see how/why either of them would have implemented it. For Ace, I wrote that entire theory (I'm not going to link it a third time) about how, based on the information in the note and the layout of the first floor, it really seemed like eavesdropping was impossible, and the person who wrote the note had to be Arturo or Eden. Then there's what thefandomenchantress pointed out about Ace's pedantry making it seem like he wouldn't misspell "responsible" in the note, and that he just doesn't give me the vibes of someone who writes in cursive. By all accounts, it really seems like Ace can't have written that note. But then again, why would Eden have written that note? Okay, bad phrasing; she wrote it to get Arei to come to the Playground. But still, why would she sign it? Or if she were to sign it, to make sure that Arei knew it was her, why include so much detail about what Arturo's secret was? More importantly, why wouldn't Eden have just stuffed the ripped up note into her belt, or her pockets, or her room if it would serve to incriminate her? Put it wherever she put that glove! Hell, why not eat the note, if it's a life or death situation? There's the "reverse psychology" argument, but similar to what Teruko said this episode, it would have been much simpler for Eden to have pretended that Arei came to the Playground for some other reason without the killer planting some sort of note meant to frame her. And it's not like I think Eden is really the type to misspell "responsible" either. So, I'm kind of at a loss. It's such a major piece of evidence that I feel it has to come into play again somehow, but I'm not sure how. I think I'm going to call this one a point for Ace because at the very least I understand why he would want to leave this evidence here, even if I don't know how he created it. For Eden, I don't get why she'd leave it lying around, even if in pieces. You can call it revenge for Eden getting the point on the BDA, if you wish.

So, what are the results? If you add up all the points together, you wind up with 6 points for Ace and 6 points for Eden. Funny. If you tier the points, however, with 1 point for unlikely pieces, 2 points for somewhat likely pieces, and 3 points for the most likely pieces, you get 12 points for Ace and 10 points for Eden. Of course, that's using my tierlist of which pieces of evidence are most likely and on top of that, assigning the BDA and the Note the way that they are (if you flip them it's 11-11), but still. If you're invested in my findings, these are the results.

Needless to say, I hope you can understand why I'm having such a hard time determining which one of them will turn out to be the killer. Although, I must add...

If we're suspecting Ace first before we've done our Debate Scrum, that's not a good look for Eden never being suspected again in this Trial.

Concluding Thoughts

What? A conclusion? I've never done one of these on a dissection before?!!

Yeah, well, this time, I have stuff to say that I couldn't really correlate to one image in particular! And also I ran out of images, so this is what you get!!!

I spent that whole "A Piece of Evidence" section talking about the physical evidence that could support Ace or Eden being Arei's killer, but in it, I really didn't get to talk about the narrative implications of either of them being the killer at all. I know that Narrative Defenses are typically Venus' thing, but I have my thoughts on this, too. Namely, that both of them are riddled with narrative problems for being the killer at this point.

(Note: I don't mean "problems" in the sense that DRDTdev has written anything poorly. What I mean is, my own perception of how the characters are conveyed has me currently raising red flags about how either of their stories will pan out as a killer or how the rest of the story will pan out without them. At the time the answer comes, I have full faith that I'll be satisfied with the results.)

Let's start by looking at Eden, the spotlight character of the end of this episode. After that whole heartfelt speech with the CGs and the tears and the brilliant voice acting and the everything, how could Eden possibly be the killer?! I'm the one who was trying to defend the possibility of her still being the culprit after her little rant last week, and while I could probably do that again with this speech, it just felt so... I dunno, sincere. You can really feel Teruko's reluctance to put her faith in Eden, but her choice to do it anyways. Teruko already showed signs of growth this episode by admitting that she can't always solve mysteries by herself, so could that be a sign that she might come around on the group faster than we initially anticipated? If Eden was the killer, it would crush Teruko so hard. Is there any recovering from that? Can we really prove David right?

On the other hand, Ace is, quite possibly, one of the most intertwined members of the cast. He's probably Levi and Nico's #1 correspondent, and he's up there for Hu as well-- assuming they both survive the chapter, I'm sure their animosity towards each other will only grow in Chapter 3. With Ace just having given up on Levi, having just been the target of Nico's battery and Hu's verbal lashes, can the story really work without him in it at this point? Eden hardly has connections with anyone other than Teruko-- Hu's probably next, but Eden probably ranks, like, fourth on her list after Nico, Ace, and David-- which should make her more expendable. Is it really Ace's time already?

However, despite my complaints, I also think that both of them could be really good options as the killer here-- the two options I prefer over anybody else.

Eden is the character who's most connected with Arei. She plays into the chapter themes of being a good person beautifully. She's a good person, a tragic figure, that killed not because she wanted anybody dead, but presumably because she had something back at home that she had to get back to at all costs. Killing her off would break Teruko-- would break everyone. With the reveal of everyone's secrets, next chapter is going to be a living hell, so why not make that hell worse by removing the biggest conflict de-escalator here? It would force other people to step up to bat. It would give everyone a chance to change, what Eden wanted for Arei most of all. Eden's development isn't an arc, per say, but a fall-- a reminder that even the "most good" people can do the unspeakable.

Meanwhile, Ace has perhaps the most obvious reason to kill someone: he literally almost fucking died himself. Ace's execution would be a reminder of the physical reality of the killing game. That actions have consequences. Even if the guy who started all those fights is dead and gone, you can still feel his presence lingering in the arguments between the others. The guy you underestimated most of all-- not for being kind, but for being dumb-- can send you into a multi-hour spiral in which you accuse even the sweetest of participants. Ace's development isn't an arc, per say, but a fall-- a reminder that reveling in your own distrust and anger might lead you to do the unspeakable.

For someone who's spent so long believing that Eden is the culprit of the chapter, it's really amazing how down-to-the-wire DRDTdev has made the end of the case, where either option feels so believable that it's like you can picture the rope in their hands. Whether my theories, old or new, were right or wrong, I am highly looking forward to watching next week's episode and discussing it with you all. See you on Friday-- just try not to freak out too much before then, alright? (/aff)

[fujii-draws]

still thinking about how the first night after dusknoir did The Funny and how it absolutely crushed aimilios emotionally, but moreso how everything was seen from *ribbons'* perspective. how many nights do you think she laid there, eyes wide as all she could hear was his whimpers and cries as he so desperately wished that dusknoir would come back. that all of this was just one big misunderstanding, that he didn't mean to set him off by accident, so desperately believing that all of what had happened was just a bad dream. how enraged do you think she had that dusknoir had done something so cruel to them that left the kid at such a state that he wants the same individual that saw him as nothing but disposable *at best* to come back and act as though all of this was just play-pretend, but also angry that aimilios still believed that dusknoir would still come back. for him. for her. that what happened in the dark future was a reality, and one that was tearing the two apart because they had been played for utter fools. she's just as betrayed, just as hurt, but she isn't like aimilly.

even if she wishes so hard that she could think the way he did.

and how much do you think she had to see him hold it all and putting on a safe face when people asked if he was okay, if he needed something, anything, and insisting that he was completely fine solely for how much his "self worth is tied to usefulness" mentality must've flared at up at this point just for the sake of not seeming more weak than he already was (because if he was too weak to make dusknoir stay, what would that mean for everyone else) and at just to not bear his beating, folly heart more than he already did, because we all know what happened the last time that happened. do you think it hurts her. to see him burn himself up and exhaust himself like that. anyways how was your day

GODDDDD

THIS. ABSOLUTELY ALL OF THIS.

WHICH MAKES IT EVEN WORSE BC IN ONE OF MY DRAFTS, I HAVE A POST EXPLAINING HOW AIMILIOS WISHES HE COULD HOLD ONTO JUSTIFIED RAGE LIKE RIBBONS. BUT CANT BECAUSE DUSKNOIR HAD TO GO OUT AND ACTUALLY CARE ABOUT THEM/THROW OFF HIS AURA SENSING.

So Ribbons wishing she could feel remorse/hope like Aimilios. Oh my god I’m going to be sick. These parallels of them wishing to have their partner’s mindset and berating themselves for their own.

[alteon77]

The Bizarre Breeding Habits of Anthropomorphic Personifications: Chapter 7

It's a tale as old as time.

Two idiots fall in love. Two idiots fall out of love.

Neither one of them is expecting a baby to come along and derail their unhappily ever after.

Chapter One here, AO3 here, Masterlist here

Chapter Summary: Morpheus pretends to be human in the doctor's office. He's... um, surprisingly not great at it.

By the time Morpheus finally locates her, he's nearly incandescent with rage.  

It is fair, he thinks, to be so angry, so wholly upset with her for this act of foolishness and for the panic that she's caused both him and her brother. It had been only forty minutes prior that Viego had summoned him, that the maker had called Morpheus to him and then belligerently accused him of stealing May to hide her away in the Dreaming. And while Morpheus had been furious at Viego for this, he'd been more fearful than anything else. The idea of May going outside of the very wards keeping her safe, the idea of her leaving that protection with no magic or defensive capabilities to speak of, had brought forth an overwhelming swell of terror that rose sickeningly up within him in a matter of mere seconds. 

The relief he'd felt at finding her had given him only a moment of solace, a brief flicker of the sensation before the mess of emotional turmoil roiling in his mind had swiftly transformed into indignation. How. Dare. She. How dare she engage in such a foolish stunt. How dare she endanger herself and their child by way of such astounding recklessness. Makers are hunted regularly and mercilessly by witches and gods and all manner of supernatural creatures, and any who had happened upon her in her current weakened state would have surely made short work of capturing her. 

In the underground area where he'd finally located her, Morpheus stalks to her vehicle as she gets out of it, her face wan and weary in fatigue, all of her as worn out as she herself has been these days past.  

"No… I was driving. I don't answer when I'm driving. You know that….. No…. I just had some stuff to take care of…. I'm keeping a low profile. No…. Stop it. I wasn't followed…. Yes…. " she says into the phone held against her ear. "You did what? Why… Why would you do that?" She pauses, and he notices that there's a bottle of water in her hand that she takes a seemingly reluctant drink of, grimacing in disgust at the taste. "No, Viego. I don't know how to get a hold of him right this moment. He doesn't exactly carry a phone or-" 

"There is no need to seek me out," he cuts in roughly. "I am here." 

His sudden appearance startles her, and she recoils a little at the sight of him, the hand holding her water coming up to rest over her heart as if to soothe the too-rapid beat of that organ. 

"Viego," she relays over the phone, her voice shaking slightly. "I'm going to have to call you back. Morpheus is… Yeah…. Don't worry about summoning him again. No, I'm looking at him right now." 

He glowers her way, his hands clenched tight at his side as he works to calm himself. "You might inform him that I will be personally bringing you home this-" 

"We'll be back in a bit. No…. I've got errands to run. Don't worry about it. Bye." She presses a button on her device and slides it into the small bag hanging from her shoulder, clearly careful in her attempt at ignoring him as he fumes before her. 

"Not in a bit, as you say. We will be leaving immediately for-" 

"Can't. Won't. Not gonna happen." 

He seethes, his anger ratcheting up at her apparent nonchalance over the gravity of her folly. "Are you aware of the danger inherent in being outside of the warding protecting you?" 

"Look, I left Viego a voicemail letting him know about all this. I'm sorry if he roped you into something that you shouldn't have even had to stress about." 

"You cannot be oblivious enough to think that is why I am infuriated," he growls. "Both Viego and myself have been scouring this city for the better part of an hour, terrified you had been taken by some enemy that meant you harm. And your response to worrying us so dramatically is that you had errands you need attend? There is no excuse for removing yourself from the warding, especially in light of the fact that it is the only thing keeping you safe in your condition." 

With great effort, he attempts to settle his raging temper, aware as he is that it would do this world no favors were he to lose control of his powers while in it. 

"Worrying you so dramatically? I mean, dramatically is definitely a word I'd use with how you're acting," May snarks before taking another sip of her water.  

"And what precisely is the meaning of that?" 

"Just that this is ridiculous. I'm a grown woman. I'll go where I want and do what I want, and you are both welcome to take that suffocating overprotectiveness that you're holding over my face like a pillow and shove it up your-" 

"Do not," he snaps. "Now, gather your things. I am returning you to your brother." 

"I am not a package that you can just hand off back and forth. And I am absolutely not going anywhere with you until I'm done. I have something I have to take care of in about-" She checks her watch. "Thirty minutes. There's a diner near here if you want to get coffee while you wait for me to finish, but I am not leaving." 

He clenches his jaw hard enough that he would break teeth were he human. "What aim could be so important that you would foolishly risk being captured to accomplish it?" 

"It's none of your-" 

"If you finish that sentence with the word business, I will grab hold of you this moment and shift you. I've no patience for your recalcitrance this day." 

May scoffs derisively. "You not having patience? Wooow. Color me shocked." 

"Tell me what you deemed so necessary that it justified this… imprudence," he hisses, ignoring her sarcastic remark as to his composure.

Oh, no no no no no. Don't throw up. Do not throw up. You've got to keep your water down for just another hour. You can do it, but not… not if you're going to keep fighting. So fuckin' de-escalate this mess and stop being stubborn. It's for the baby. You can absolutely swallow your pride for the baby's sake, damn it.  

He frowns at her, thoroughly confused at these words of hers flitting across his awareness. She is not speaking them aloud, and yet he hears them clearly in his mind, a rather puzzling occurrence given that he's never really been able to read her thoughts, never been able to peek past her mental shields and figure out what's going on in her head. He wonders if the dwindling disappearance of her magic is the cause of this, the usual walls around her mind possibly fading as her powers are and allowing him the capability to read her as easily as she might peruse a book. 

The color drains from her complexion as what he assumes is nausea overcomes her, and she draws in a few deep breaths, seemingly steadying herself before she gestures vaguely towards a concrete wall of this strange, cavernous area they're both in, the one that smells of fossil fuels and is full of nothing but stationary vehicles. He thinks it's known as a parking garage, but he's never truly been in one before, so he is unsure as to whether or not that is precisely what this darkened, poorly lit monstrosity is. "I'm… going there. Okay? I'm… I'm visiting a doctor." 

His eyes narrow as he glances first where she has indicated and then back at her. "That is naught but a wall." 

She rolls her eyes at him as if what he's said is absurdly exasperating to her. "There's a building on the other side of the street from here with a doctor in it. I'm going there." 

"You have found a suitable healer?" 

She fidgets in front of him, playing with the label on the bottle still in her hand. "No. I'm… I'm going to a regular human doctor." 

He's taken aback by this, wholly surprised as he moves closer to her. "A human doctor?"

Her fidgeting increases, the movements getting more pronounced. "Yeah… because I'm… well, pregnant. And Tammy was right." 

"Tammy? Who is Tammy? And what use will a mortal physician be in your case? Need I remind you that you are no human."

She rolls her eyes again and scoffs as if he's the one who's said something nonsensical. "Whaaaat? Are you sure? Well damn, I guess that totally explains the being alive for thousands of years and not aging thing. I just thought it was my kick ass moisturizer keeping me all young looking." 

"May-" 

Her arms cross over her chest, and it makes her appear… smaller somehow, fragile. "A human doctor is kind of all there is," she admits with a heavy sigh, a thread of defeat woven into her confession.  

His mouth turns down at her words, his brows knitting together as he considers this, grasping for some sort of understanding. "I fail to see-" 

"I'm sure you do, but… please don't argue with me on this. Whatever opinions you might have about me getting checked out by this guy today, the fact remains that he's got a hell of a lot more answers than I do right now, and I… I need answers." 

She looks away when she says this, avoiding his gaze as a barely there blush lights up what he can see of her face in its sideways profile. An unexpected shame curls in his stomach as he considers the situation before him. She's worried, obviously so, and yet she feels compelled to plead with him on this matter, to ask that he leave her be as she attempts to seek help for herself. The fact that part of this is his doing, that her current suffering is a direct result of the child he'd put inside of her, makes him feel… lowly, as if he should hate himself for adding to the burden of what she carries now when he knows he should be doing what he can to lighten it.  

"Very well. If it will… assist you, then I've nothing to say except that I… should like to accompany you."  

Shock takes over her expression as she at last turns back to him. "Wait. What?" 

"I said that I should like to accompany you. If you will permit me, of course." 

Her eyes narrow at him, scrutinizing his face as if searching for any sign that he is lying. "Are you… sure?" 

No, he is assuredly not certain of this course, but telling her so would do neither of them any favors. "I would scarcely have offered were I not." 

"But… why?" She seems perplexed that he should wish to be with her while doing this, uncomprehending of the possibility that he might desire to help her. 

"I dislike the idea of you being unattended while you are so…" Weakened, he wants to say, powerless and fragile and ill. He does not speak those things, however, since he feels that to call her any of them might reignite the ever-present tension inherent in their new dynamic. "Indisposed." 

She blows out a breath that's half laugh, half frustration. "I'm not a Victorian debutante. It's perfectly fine for me to be alone." 

Alone. That word. It coils in his belly like a poisonous snake, sinking its venomous fangs into the vulnerable flesh of his insides. She had offered to raise their child alone. By herself. Without him even having knowledge of its existence. Not for the first time, he wishes he could reach back through the millennia and pluck that infernal grimoire from the very fabric of the universe, undoing all of its horrid history so that May would never have thought to lie to him about it. A child would have been a happy occurrence for them if not for the dark, thunderous cloud of her betrayal hanging over their tattered relationship.

Still, there is no place for his anger, for his sorrow in the reality of his… of May seeking medical attention for herself. "Nonetheless, I would prefer to escort you." 

May studies him warily, clearly unsure of this seeming capitulation from him. "You… can tag along if you want. I mean… she's your kid too, so if you want to be there, I won't stop you." 

"She?" 

Her apprehension melts away in an instant, a loving smile blossoming on her face as one of her hands settles atop where their child grows, and the sight of this makes his heartbeat speed up, makes that manifested organ thud rapidly in his chest. Throughout his many eons of existence, she is the only one who has ever been able to affect it so, the only one who's ever caused such… mortal reactions within the boundaries of this flesh form of his.  

"Yeah," she answers quietly, a joy in her tone that reminds him of the softest parts of the universe. The silken smoothness of her skin beneath his fingertips. The hazy twinkle of a galaxy above him. The muted shine of a sun in the wake of spring storms. The feel of a new babe in his arms, tender and trusting. "She. I've… got a feeling it's a girl." 

A daughter. A little girl with May's lovely eyes and her beautiful smile. The dream of it is enchanting, captivating enough that he has to forcibly pull himself from its hold, but the want it causes within him lingers on the edges of his thoughts. If things weren't so strained between them, then he would tell her how greatly he wishes for such a thing, how now that the vision of it is in his mind, he can scarcely see their infant as anything except a daughter. But… he cannot give voice to these sentiments, not with his feelings so uncharacteristically flayed and raw, and that is assuredly what they are at this moment. "You cannot know the child's… gender at this stage." 

May sighs and brushes past him, walking towards a door on their right marked Stairwell B. It is instinct for him to match his pace to hers, to keep by her side as she wearily begins the arduous trip up and out of the garage. She's been faint for weeks, and he's very aware that her collapses seem to have no set pattern, no real warning before they occur. It puts him on alert for the risk of another, especially given the fearsome nature of these stairs were she to fall unconscious and tumble down them. And so he means to stay close out of caution, ready to catch her should the need arise. 

"Probably not," she tells him somewhat breathlessly, and he fights the urge to pick her up and carry her the rest of the way. He knows better, though. Whatever tentative peace they're trying to create between themselves would be utterly demolished if he were to engage in such an act. "But… it's just a feeling. I can't really explain it." 

As they emerge from the garage, the sun is blindingly bright, and he glances at May where she's wincing from the shine of it. There's a nervousness radiating from her, an anxiety so great that it almost seems like he's experiencing it as his own.  

"Will you be disappointed if it is not a girl?" he questions in an effort to take her mind off her disquiet.  

At the crosswalk where they're waiting for the light to change, she looks towards him, a thoughtful expression on her face. "I just… want her to be healthy. Everything else is kinda… secondary to that." 

He mulls over this while they continue walking. Is she fearful that the child might not be well? Does she think that her sickness is affecting it in some way? He would ask, but he knows that she will not grant him the truth of the matter, not now. In their new relationship, she seems unwilling to show any sort of vulnerability before him, unwilling to do anything that might be indicative of a need where he's concerned. 

It makes him think of those decades before their union had ended, of those years when they'd depended on one another, when she'd never hesitated to show him the most fragile parts of herself, when he'd never hesitated to reveal his own shortcomings. Together, they had each closed the gaps in the other, had strengthened their varying frailties and softened their harsh angles by dint of their love and respect and hope. But now… that is no longer the case. Now, things are shattered between them, the pieces of what they once shared set aflame by her betrayal and allowed to burn until only ashes remain of their once-great love. 

On arriving at the building she had pointed at earlier, he steps forward to pull open the door for her, and she pauses, seemingly stunned by this meager consideration from him. Something vicious inside of him twists, and that sorrow he'd sworn to ignore earlier comes rearing back with a vengeance.  

Calm down, you actual idiot, she thinks, and it's louder in his mind this time than it was the last. He doesn't mean anything by it, doesn't care about you or what you're going through. It's just a habit for him. Stop reminiscing on how he used to do this. Stop thinking about how things used to be. Just smile and walk in before he notices you freaking out, for fuck's sake.  

And then she does. A threadbare smile tugs her lips up before she steps inside the cool air of the medical facility, a chill taking over her that almost has him stripping off his jacket to drape about her shoulders. Given her mental diatribe regarding his merely opening the door for her, however, he doesn't think that covering her with his coat would be well received. 

Across the rather large room they find themselves in, there's a counter set at the opposite corner, its front marked with a sign that reads Check In. The receptionist sitting behind it is an older woman who raises an eyebrow at May and Morpheus when they approach.  

"Can I help you?" she questions in a way that makes him think she'd rather not actually help them at all.  

May gives a gracious smile. "Yes. I'm Doctor Martin's eleven o'clock." 

The woman, whom Morpheus is growing to dislike more and more with every second they stand there, gives May an unimpressed once-over before turning her attention to a computer in front of her. "Michaela Westin?" 

Morpheus glances down at May. It's a new name for her, one of a dozen he's heard her take over the century he's truly known her for, but it surprises him still. That she has assumed another false identity is not strange, a necessary evil she'd once called it, but that she should choose to do so even with those she might trust with her health is jarring. Was it simply Viego's paranoia that drove her to do such a thing? Or something else? Something more to do with their quick escape from their previous home? Matthew had told him that their journey to the new location had been an unpleasant one, that May had been sickly for the entirety of it and that Viego had apologized for being unable to stop and allow her rest. Granted, the older maker has always been meticulous when it came to his sister's safety, even during those many years that she had resided in the Dreaming, but... today had been different. Viego had been off. Not for the first time, Morpheus wonders if there is some specific danger that he is not being told of, if May and her brother are purposely keeping yet another secret from him.  

After all, it is not as if she's never done it before. 

"I found you. You're here for an appointment and an eight week scan. Is that right?" 

"Yeah. I drank all the water I needed to, and I'm… good to go." 

"It says here that you're… self pay. We'll need to verify your payment information."  

"Of course." May rummages around in her purse, bringing her wallet out and sliding a black card emblazoned with the words American Express towards the receptionist, who picks it up and eyes it doubtfully. 

"This is yours? No offense, hun, but I'm going to need your ID." 

May's all politeness, all sweetness despite the woman's obvious rudeness. "No problem," she says as she hands another card over, this one with her picture on the front of it.  

And the woman, whom he can glean is named Karen Talbot, seems just as unimpressed by this as she had by May's appearance. Morpheus feels anger swell up inside of him for this foul creature's disrespect. He very rarely cares for what mortals think of him, but he can see from Karen's thoughts that her opinion of May is a low thing, one full of prejudice and assumption. Unwed and with child, a morally unacceptable state by her small-minded reckoning. Never mind that May is kind and loving and his… Well, his nothing now, he supposes. She does not belong to him any longer, can be called nothing else in regards to him save for being referred to as the mother of his child.  

He'd like to pretend he doesn't understand why that realization drives a spike of pain through his heart, but he cannot. It would be too large of a lie for him to swallow.  

The receptionist casts a discourteous, dubious look at him. "And are you a… party to this?" She gestures towards May. "Maybe an… acquaintance of hers?" 

May seeks to intercede, clearly trying to save him from having to interact with this loathsome female. "Oh, no. He's-" 

"Her husband," Morpheus supplies before he can stop himself. He's not given to lying usually, not one to truly waste his time with falsehoods, and yet in these circumstances he almost feels it necessary.  

"She indicated she was single on the intake forms," Karen argues, and in that instant he begins crafting his most terrifying punishment for her, begins envisioning what horror he will visit on her when he dooms her to an eternity of never ending sleep with his most savage Nightmares.  

"An oversight clearly excused by her condition, I assure you," he practically growls in response. It is a petty thing, perhaps, to allow some of his power into the words, to touch this woman's mind with a hint of the nightmarish hell he's capable of inflicting upon her, but he relishes it all the same. The receptionist pales, and he takes a sort of perverse pleasure in that as well.  

"Sorry for that. I'm his wife. Pregnancy brain is absolutely real and absolutely horrible," May interjects, her voice an octave higher than usual in something that Morpheus would call panic. "Should we just wait over here then? That would… probably be best."  

The receptionist is staring at Morpheus with wide, terrified eyes as she shakily holds out a clipboard with a stack of papers atop it. "I… um… I need him to fill out the… the forms." 

"Right. The forms," May answers, far too quickly as she snatches a pen from the cup of them on the desk. "We'll get those taken care of and back to you in a jiffy." 

And then she's grabbing hold of Morpheus' sleeve and tugging him impatiently to a set of chairs at the farthest end of the room.  

"Don't do that," she hisses when they've sat down. "The poor woman looked like she was going to have a heart attack." 

"Poor woman? She should consider herself fortunate that you intervened, else she would have been thrust into the most abhorrent, cruel fate I was capable of rendering unto a mortal. Do you know what she was thinking of you? Do you have any idea how grievously she was judging you?" he hisses right back. 

"Even without my magic, I was picking up on it. Okay? But you don't need to worry about that. I'm a big girl. I can handle someone not approving of my life choices."  

He doesn't care. He doesn't care. He doesn't care, her thoughts ring out in his mind. He's just got a vested interest in the baby, and you're housing the baby, so get a hold of yourself.  

"I could not stand idly by while she spoke to you so disrespectfully." 

The sound she makes is one of immense irritation. "Well, you defended my honor and now there's a stack of paperwork for me to fill out, so thanks for that." 

He doesn't know what she expects him to say to that, as he's certainly not going to apologize. But… then he remembers that he had been trying to lighten the load of her stress, and a sense of misgiving washes over him. 

"You need not manage this on my behalf." He reaches out decisively to pluck the clipboard from her lap. "I am more than capable of this task."

"Hey!" she whisper-protests. "Don't… Just let me do it. It's-" 

"I will see to this. It is not up for discussion." 

May purses her lips and then puts her hands up, palm out, in a gesture of surrender. "Okay. Fine. Have it your way." 

Christ on a potato, he's really rocking that surly, toddler temper tantrum energy now, she thinks.  

Morpheus gives her a side-eyed glare for that comment, despite that she had not actually spoken it aloud, before he starts on the forms. It only takes him a few minutes to realize that he might… be on unsteady footing regarding this specific undertaking. Of course, he refuses to accept her assistance or admit anything resembling defeat, so he forges ahead with what he'd set out to do.  

She tries several more times to help him in poring over the frankly obscene number of redundant questions he's required to answer, but he only waves her attempts away. And for a time she seems to settle, though he knows that she is merely taking a different approach as he can feel her eyes on him still, watching while he ticks away at the multitude of boxes. She says nothing, staying silent until he comes to the form titled Medical History.  

May chokes out a muted laugh and reaches over to tap the page where he'd just written I am no more tense than usual, certainly not enough to warrant use of the word hyper beside one of the boxes.  

"Yeah. Cross that out," May instructs him blithely. "Hypertension is a condition where mortals have high blood pressure, which… you don't even have blood if you don't want to." 

As he strikes an angry line through the sentence, he cannot help his scowl. "This is irritatingly tedious."

She shrugs as if his ire is of no real concern to her. "I offered to do it for you." 

"This entire outing is an exercise in futility, wholly pointless considering that this mortal doctor will likely be unable to assist you in any meaningful way." 

Her face falls, a sudden melancholy coming over her that brings him up short. "Just… don't start that." 

Her thoughts this time are very loud, and he ponders over the curious phenomenon anew. Typically, he has to actively seek the mental workings of another out. He's not used to having such things projected into his awareness, and hers seem to be growing in intensity and volume with every occurrence. I'm such an idiot. Of fucking course he couldn't just stow his crap and let me get help. Never mind that I think I'm actually dying or something. Even that isn't important enough to get him to cool it.   

Dying? Is she truly fearful that her… her illness is so dire? 

His shoulders drop from where they'd been unconsciously tensed, and he blinks several times as he scrutinizes her more closely. She's a gaunt thing, he realizes then, from the dark smudges under her eyes to the unnatural pallor of her skin. Her lips are dry and cracked in places, one particular spot on the lower one especially red as if she is so dehydrated that the skin there is breaking apart and bleeding. 

In that moment, he feels vile, loathsome, like nothing less than the most revolting sort of pond scum, like his treatment of her in this instance is even more contemptible than the receptionist's had been. Despite their past and his upset over it, May is currently grappling with something he cannot understand, rendered weak and weary from the weight of his seed growing inside of her. She is uncharacteristically afraid, he can see now, drained of her magic and suffering from what he'd unintentionally done to her by getting her with child in the first place.  

And all he has offered her in return for this burden she's carrying is his petulant sullenness, his mean-spirited pessimism. 

"I… apologize," he murmurs before he can even stop to consider what he's saying, "if I've given you cause to feel you must argue with me on this matter. It… was not my intention." 

Her expression gentles, and her eyes well with tears that she hastily wipes at. "It's… I get it. This… isn't what you're used to." 

"Nonetheless, it is… no excuse for my churlishness." 

She nods, and his heart wrenches uncomfortably with how very bereft she seems as she does so. "It's… okay." 

His eyes narrow as he considers this acceptance from her. How very easily she forgives him. How quickly she dismisses his faults in having behaved so abhorrently towards her.  

How different things might have been between them if only he were capable of doing the same.  

He must not think of that, must not imagine what could have been. That part of their relationship is done, the path of it obliterated and lost so that only mere echoes of it remain, but he knows that they can learn to do better by one another going forward. With the both of them preparing to parent a child together, they truly have no other choice in the matter. 

"And how shall I answer this?" he asks as he points randomly at a word on the checklist of mortal maladies before him. It is an olive branch of sorts, a gesture meant to demonstrate to her that he is willing to listen. 

Suspiciously, her eyes flick up at him before she turns them down to where he's indicated. 

"Heart disease? I'm pretty sure you know you don't have that." A barely there smile tugs her lips up, and it is a sad thing to behold, like the drooping petals of a wilting flower trying to bloom. "You could probably just answer no to everything. It's… what I did." 

"Very well." 

"And… whatever you do, don't put down how many actual glasses of wine you can consume in a day when it gets to that part." 

He frowns at her, his mind working to make sense of what she's just told him. "I assume… it would be a tell that I am not… normal then," he guesses. 

Her eyes sparkle faintly with an unexpected mirth, a sort of teasing shine to them that is still dulled somehow. "Big yes. Biggest yes ever." 

"I see." 

When he's finished, May cautiously takes the forms from his hand to look over everything, and he surrenders the papers to her without dissent. A month ago, such an act on her part would have infuriated him, but he's… regretful. The self-hatred he feels in the wake of his actions is churning inside of him violently, forcing him to an apologetic tentativeness. And May has always had a far better sense of the norms in this realm than he, a truth he had recognized very early in their relationship when they made their occasional trips into the Waking. He supposes that she would be the best to ensure his answers are satisfactory.  

After she's scanned it all twice, she goes to stand, and he stays her with a hand on her arm. 

"What is it? I'm just heading over there to hand this to the receptionist."

"Sit," he orders roughly before gentling his tone. "I shall do so in your stead." 

May hesitates. "You're not going to do anything else to… anyone, are you?" 

It takes him a minute before he understands her meaning. The receptionist. She's worried for the receptionist. It is only with great control that he keeps his expression from darkening in remembrance. That woman had been abysmally rude to May, had treated her as if she were less than, as if she were something low and offensive, and all May is concerned with is making sure he doesn't exact retribution on the human. He struggles to reconcile her kindness, her goodness, with the fact that she had assuredly composed spells for that infernal grimoire, had written the very one that ensnared him even.  

"I will… merely deliver these documents and then return to you. No… further defense of your honor, as you call it." 

"Morpheus-" 

"You have my word."

That seems to assuage her fear as she huffs out a resigned sigh before passing him the clipboard, and he rises to his feet, stalking to where Karen is still watching him with wide eyes, her whole demeanor like that of a rat with a hungry hawk swooping overhead. 

Good. 

"The… n-nurse should… should take her back in a… in a minute," Karen informs him as she holds out May's cards for him between her trembling fingers. 

Morpheus glares as he bites his tongue on saying what he wishes to, which is that she is a poor example of humanity given to ignorance and the most foolish of the moral mires inherent in her society. But he… refuses to speak such truths given that by doing so he would only serve to further distress his… to further distress May, and he does not wish to see any more troubled than she already is.  

"Very well," he grants instead, even as he idly wonders if it would be a violation of his oath to May were he to send this woman a particularly foul nightmare when next she slept. Something, perhaps, that might assist her in loosening her hold on her hateful prejudices.  

"Thank you, Karen." May says, startling him as she appears at his side, taking her cards from the woman to slide them back inside her bag. "Did I hear you say the nurse would come get me soon?" 

Karen, however, won't look away from Morpheus, and any other time he might take a sense of pride in her obvious fear. Now, however, he's too busy peering down at May in confusion. Had she not trusted him to do this? Had she believed that he would disregard his vow to her on leaving the mortal woman be?  

Why does the thought of her so thoroughly doubting him… hurt? 

He has no time to question her on any of this, though, as the door closest to him opens and another human steps out of it, a clipboard held in her hand as well. 

"Michaela Westin?"  

"That's me. I'm here. Hi." May smiles brightly, a veneer of polite cheer on her features that Morpheus thinks is but a mask. He's noticed her doing that often in the past few weeks, smiling as if she means it despite the air of hopelessness around her most of the time.  

"Hello there! I'm Annabeth. Let's get you back into a room, sweetheart, and then I'll get some more information from you before we get started." 

As May steps past him, it's instinct for him to rest his hand on the small of her back, to guide her so that she's walking slightly in front of him as they both cross this threshold.  

He follows her into the inner sanctum of the physician's office, trailing after the nurse as she leads them through the labyrinthine mess of hallways and doors before ushering them into a room, a sterile, clinically white space with a large window and a rather tall bed pushed up against the farthest wall. There's a chair off to one corner and May directs him to it, shoving her bag into his stomach as she demurely asks, "Will you hold this for me, love muffin?" 

Love… muffin? Love muffin? What a preposterous way to refer to him. The unmitigated cheek of this foolhardy female. It is only with a herculean effort that he manages to bite back his waspish response as he settles into the seat, glowering at her while he adjusts her bag in his hold. 

But then… the nurse has her step on a scale, writing down May's weight with a worried frown that makes Morpheus instantly forget his annoyance at her insolent epithet for him. 

"Why don't you hop up on the table for me, and I'll get some more vitals."

A strange panic is overwhelming him, but May seems calm, so he tries to placate himself as well, using her reactions a a guidepost for his own. When May's sitting on the bed, the nurse puts an odd device around the uppermost part of her arm, a cuff of some sort with a tube and a humming machine attached to it. 

And May remains relaxed. 

"It'll get tight, sugar," the nurse warns, and Morpheus tries to distract himself as she presses a button on the device. He studies this nurse, this Annabeth. She is… kinder than the receptionist had been, her mind drastically more pleasant, and he can read from it that she thinks May appears… sickly, more sickly than she should perhaps be. It's not quite fear she has, though, but more pity, a genuine compassionate urge to tend to May which Morpheus finds that he wholeheartedly approves.  

May winces, and suddenly Morpheus can take no more. He moves to rise, to go to her, to put an immediate end to this madness where she is being poked and prodded before him, but she stops him with a pointed glare. "I'm fine, dear. They're just checking my blood pressure."

Annabeth looks between May and Morpheus, her eyebrows raising in puzzlement before she seems to comprehend something that makes her laugh. "Oh, I get it. Protective husband is an overprotective daddy."

It's the wrong thing to say. 

The blood visibly drains from May's face, and Morpheus feels himself stiffen in shock. Their eyes meet, his and hers, and he can see the sadness there, the clear pain of what could have been. "He's… um… definitely going to be an overprotective dad," May replies, all of her quiet. Broken.

Annabeth, seemingly oblivious to this exchange, goes on with her task of scribbling things down on her clipboard. "Aw, don't fret about it, sweetie. The good ones get that way sometimes. I've had four myself, and my husband wouldn't even let me have my mornin' coffee because he was afraid the babies would come out with three heads or somethin'. It was frustratin' at the time, but in hindsight it was kinda darlin' of him."

Morpheus tears his eyes away from the woman he had once sought to marry, gathers himself as best as he can, and asks hoarsely, "I have read that women in such a state should not partake of caffeine."

Annabeth grins and wags a finger in his direction. "Now you don't start on her if she wants a cup or two. A little won't hurt anybody, even that tiny one of yours. And she sure looks like she could use a pick me up. Don't make it so she's gotta start keepin' a coffee machine and all the necessary fixins in her car like I had to."

May's unexpected laugh is beautiful, wholly melodic. "Your husband caused you to have to stealth brew coffee in your car?"

"Well, I'm fairly certain I'm eighty-seven percent caffeine, so I needed it like most people gotta have oxygen."

The smile May gives is genuine, her usual expression of enjoyment at having someone to converse with, and it strikes Morpheus that perhaps she is… lonely. "You're kind of making me want some coffee now, Annabeth."

"Good luck gettin' it past Mr. Overprotective over there."

To hear May laugh again loosens something in his chest, something that's had a ruthless hold of him since he'd feared she had been taken earlier. He tries to speak, to say anything, but his words are stuck in his throat as emotion swells within him. He loathes that he loves her, that he cares for her still despite that he should not. 

"All righty. Any other symptoms you want me to put in your chart for the doctor, sweetie?" Annabeth questions, and the sound of the nurse's voice snaps him out of his thoughts. "It says on your form that you've been gettin' sick."

May's easy contentment falters, her face falling. "I… Yes."

"How often, would you say?  

May casts a hesitant glance at Morpheus before turning her attention back to Annabeth. "Almost… every hour."

"You been keepin' anything down at all?" the nurse asks with a frown, her brows furrowed in concern as she scrutinizes May anew. 

May begins fidgeting again, something that she only engages in when she's especially nervous, and he feels his heart sink with dread. "Um… no. I don't think so."

Nothing at all? He had known that she was suffering from morning sickness, but to be retaining no nourishment cannot be safe for her or their child. Alarm floods him as the nurse moves to a cabinet and begins rummaging around in it. 

"Lord Mercy, that sounds horrid," she says as she pulls her hand free with a large rectangle of fabric clutched between her fingers. "I'm gonna need you to get undressed from the waist down and put this over your lap. We'll try to do the ultrasound abdominally at first, but if we can't get a good picture we'll switch to the transvaginal." She points to two buttons on the wall. "Press this green one when you're ready, and Dr. Martin will have a look at you and the baby, see if he can't figure out something to help you with that nausea."

Help. Yes… May needs help. For the first time since he'd began this little excursion with her, Morpheus thinks he finally understands why she'd felt desperate enough to seek any healer out, even one mortal and ill-suited to treat her.

"That sounds great," May breathes out, a relief in her tone that cuts at Morpheus. He'd been ready to stop her today, had been so aggravated at what he perceived to be a ridiculous folly that he'd threatened to forcibly shift her home. 

Annabeth grabs her papers and exits the room, leaving a heavy silence in her wake.

May undoes the top button of her pants before she at last spares him a glance. "Can you… look away? Maybe turn around or…"

He wants to remind her that he's seen her naked body more times than this planet they're on has had stars crash into its surface, but she seems unnerved again, altogether stressed by how he might respond to this request of hers. 

"If you wish, I could wait outside." 

May shakes her head. "No, that's fine. Just turn around. If I send you out of the room, they'll assume we're fighting or something." 

Dutifully, he faces away from her. "Ah, yes. It is important they do not see through the lie." 

"Hey, that's not on me," she tells him over the shuffling sounds she's making. "You told them we were married. I was perfectly fine with them thinking I liked to sleep around or that we'd just gotten blackout drunk one night in Vegas and knocked boots without a condom." 

He hadn't been fine with it, however. No matter her apparent acceptance of such a thing, the thought of her being viewed, being treated as less than had grated on him. "It doesn't… bother you? That they might… judge you so harshly for something they know nothing of?" 

"Nope. Believe it or not, humans are pretty cool about that stuff these days. Well, most of them. The bitchy receptionist was a fluke." 

"May-" 

She huffs out a short laugh. "Sorry. Sorry. I know. You don't like that word." 

His forehead creases."No, that is not… what I was intending to speak to you of. Please feel free to apply whatever colorful language you would like concerning that foul creature who greeted us upon entering." 

"Wow. She really did piss you off, huh?" 

He can hear the noise of paper crinkling behind him, and he wonders what exactly she's doing back there. "She angered me greatly. Her… attitude towards you was… unacceptable." 

The sounds stop as she responds, "There are always going to be people who think badly of you here. You… get used to it after a while." 

He can't help his scoff. "Is that meant to convince me that her behavior wasn't insulting?" 

"Nope. It's just… It is what it is. There's no point in letting it upset you… Also, you can turn around now if you want." 

She's sitting on the table, that mask of false cheer back on her face, the rectangle of fabric spread out over her bare lap, and without the benefit of a thick sweater on her, he can see exactly why the nurse had seemed uneasy when she'd taken May's weight. She's assuredly gotten thinner, likely a side effect of being unable to properly partake of  any nourishment. Panic twists his stomach into a knot. 

"Why… did you not inform me of how ill you were?" His voice is ragged with emotion, with the great well of battling sentiments inside of him. 

The mask slides off of her features, and she glances down guiltily at the floor, twiddling her fingers in a restlessness that speaks to her trepidation. "It just… wasn't something that I really could work into a conversation, you know? Or something I even thought you'd care about. Like, what was I supposed to say? Oh I know you hate me and all but by the way, I'm really sick." 

It's the second time she's mentioned him hating her, and despite the fact that he wishes he did, he's all too aware that he seems incapable of such a feeling where she's concerned. "Regardless of what you might assume, I do not… hate you." 

Her thoughts, when they filter through his mind, are devastating, wrenching his heart with all the vengeful viciousness of their separation. But you do. I can see it in your eyes, hear it in your voice. You might not want to admit it out loud, but you… you hate me. And I… hate me a little too. If only I could…. If only…. Never mind. It doesn't matter.  

He opens his mouth to address this, to deny it, but he falters, his words stuck on the tip of his tongue. After all, what might he say to correct this belief of hers? What could he honestly give her that would change her mind? How can he adequately explain his feelings when he doesn't even understand them himself? 

"You wanna press the button for me? So… I don't have to get up and all." 

Dejectedly, he reaches out to do just that, but... something gives him pause. There's an odd smell in the air, an acrid hint of ozone and burning leaves, all melded with the iron tang of blood. His power flares at the scent, a warning shooting through his awareness like a bolt of lightning striking a tree.  

Outside the room they're in, it's gone eerily silent. Deathly so, he would almost say, and when he expands his perception to get a read on who or what is near them, he's met with a disturbing blankness, one he's only ever known during the time he was trapped in that binding circle at Fawney Rig, the time all those decades ago that he was made powerless by Roderick Burgess.  

And in that moment, Morpheus knows two things with utter surety. The first is that he was indeed correct when he'd surmised earlier that May was in danger outside Viego's wards, that she had been reckless to leave them on her own. Obviously, something or someone has been tracking her, lying in wait for the opportunity they might have were she to be free of the ward's protections. The second thing he knows, and perhaps the part that most worries him, is that whatever or whomever has been on her trail is in this building with them. Right now.

NEXT CHAPTER

Tag List for BBHAP: @julesandro

If anyone else wants to be added to this or anything else let me know!!! <3

[totomiumiu]

IWTV / Lady Charles

Recently discovered Lady Charles and because I'm gay and can never be normal about anything my brain has connected a few of their songs to iwtv characters... give them a listen they're fantastic!

Lestat / Manic Pixie Dream Boy

Lady Charles wrote in their write up on the song about working with the romanticisation of mental illness and the manic pixie trope to “avoid succumbing to it” and I feel that defiance relates to Lestat very closely. As he combats his childhood and vampiric traumas he always holds his eccentricities up as his virtues, powering through the dark times as they come. He is shamelessly himself and I love him for it.

“To all those sideways glances Quit harshing me! 'cause I'm a manic pixie dream boy Trying to live authentically”

Armand / Not Your Dolly/A Year Spent Inside

The song has an orchestral feel (lending to influence from Owen Pallett) that I relate to Armand as a character. The obvious connection to me is playful youthful beat with the vaguely ominous but defiant lyrics. Armand's self-awareness of how he is perceived and treated by those around him feels present and honestly I can't decide what relationship I relate this song to specifically. Any of the stanzas could apply to his many companions. Also the sax solo is a nice touch, very 80s which always reminds me of Devil's Minion.

“I look cute, But I am not your dolly You play pretend, Well, I'm not into folly”

Louis / Elation

The whole song itself is very Louis to me but before I get into it I just wanna note that the story of the songs production itself fits into this! It was originally 'cold' and 'minimalist' before Lady Charles started finding pride in their identity and art and being their authentic self, which led to the final song being 'lush and maximalist.' It reminds me very much of the colour and design journey of Louis and the penthouse from the start of season 1 to the finale of season 2.

I read the song as Louis's journey through his relationship with Armand. Him mourning Claudia and revealing his traumas to Armand, and finding temporary solace and elation in their dynamic, his later drugblood abuse, and the interview. He grapples with not having a full recollection of his history, asking how he was supposed to know Armand was miserable when he erased portions of his memory.

The last verse being him realising his true authentic self. He doesn't need that temporary elation once he's done the work on himself and removed certain negative factors from his life.

Sorry this one was a bit long its my favourite Lady Charles song lolol

“I have spent these twenty five years feeling like a burden I don't want to spend another carrying someone else's sins"

Claudia / Child of the Night

I hear this song and I instantly connect it to Claudia's search for belonging and companionship. Specifically in season 2 when there is no going home, she's even insulted by the notion of it. She can't find companionship with Louis or the coven and is lost until she connects with Madeleine. The first verse feels like the two of them leaving Paris after Madeleine is turned, free the wander because they've found each other.

"I'm a child of the night I wander without a plan Just longing for something to long for"

[keldae]

The way you said “I love you”: On a sunny Tuesday afternoon, the late sunlight glowing in your hair

Gale had had his share of lovers over the course of his life, starting with trysts at Blackstaff Academy with his fellow students, eventually leading to his ill-advised relationship with Mystra. After the goddess had cast him out, he had believed himself to be a man doomed to die alone, courtesy of the orb in his chest. As his studies with the Netherese magic had progressed, leading him no closer to a cure for his affliction, he felt his hope for a better life falter, withering to only faint embers and ashes. And it was nothing less than he deserved, he felt – this was the price he had paid for his hubris.

Being abducted by mind flayers and infected with a parasite, well – that was just proof that the gods, Mystra in particular, wanted him to suffer before he died.

And then he’d met Deviali.

The half-Elf wasn’t the type of woman he would have ever expected himself to go for in his previous life – she was uncouth, and uneducated, and fiery. She bragged about being a pickpocket and thief, claiming there hadn’t yet been a lock that she couldn’t pick. She was sarcastic, and jaded against all the gods, and a little too willing to fight dirty. Gale suspected that if he’d ever encountered her in Baldur’s Gate or Waterdeep before their abductions, she would have seen him as no more than a pocket to be picked (and he hated to admit that she probably would have been very successful in that endeavour).

But the more time he spent in her company, the more he saw her true colours come out. She was compassionate, and cared more deeply about other people than she pretended to – Gale didn’t miss the way that she sat with the pretty tiefling bard, helping her write a song, or offered words of encouragement to Wyll’s fencing students, or argued with the druids about granting the tiefling refugees shelter for a little bit longer. She didn’t hesitate when asked to look for the archdruid, Halsin – Gale wasn’t sure if her eagerness to find the druid was due to her hope that he could cure them from the parasites, or simply for the hope that he could make the other druids see sense in dealing with the tieflings (or perhaps it was just the urge to go kill goblins with abandon? It was hard to tell.).

She was persuasive, talking her way into the goblin camp, or soothingly trying to reassure the dog with its deceased owner that she was a friend, or arguing with one goblin until she rescued an owlbear cub from its cruel torment. She was sneaky, and mischievous, in stealing from the goblins – and later, from the githyanki creche. She was… Gale thought he could chalk it up to ‘pragmatism’ when she shrugged off Shadowheart’s confession of being a Shar worshipper, or Wyll’s admittance of being a warlock bound in a pact with a devil. Even when Gale was on his knees before her, holding her hand on his heart and showing her his terrible folly with the Netherese tome, he wondered if her insistence on keeping him around despite the magical bomb in his chest was simply due to the fact that a trained wizard in their party was useful, volatile and damned as he might be.

Yet the look of anguish in her eyes as she had seen his trauma, and the way she checked in on him every few hours to make sure he was managing the orb as well as he could… 

No. He didn’t dare let himself think that it was any more than pragmatism. She just doesn’t want me to erupt and kill us all, he thought. That is self-preservation more than anything else.

But when he took it upon himself to introduce her to the mysteries of the Weave after the tieflings’ celebration at their camp, and saw her desire for him… it was a shock to him. He was a damned man, the rejected Chosen of a goddess, who had to keep an incredibly tight rein on his body and mind, lest the bomb in his chest explode if he got aroused or agitated. He could see the other members of their party seemed to have their eyes on her – Shadowheart and Lae’zel, he knew, were both pretty open about fancying her. And even after his transformation, Wyll was a handsome man, and had a compassionate heart and a sense of justice to compliment Devi’s own morals perfectly.

Yet Gale was the person she imagined herself kissing. Gale, the reject of Mystra, the walking bomb who could detonate at a moment’s notice! Confusion and trepidation warred in his mind before giving way to elation at that realisation – that the woman who could have chosen any partner that she wanted fancied him. 

He couldn’t indulge his desire to bed her, of course, not with how volatile the orb was in his chest. But now… now he had a renewed incentive to find a cure for his condition. And while he sought a cure, he thought, he could make the effort to court Devi properly – or at least as properly as he could while on the road (or in the Underdark) with an illithid tadpole in his head. It was a task made all the more difficult with Mystra’s doom laid over his head, despite Devi’s rage at the perceived injustice of it all.

At the least, one positive of Elminster meeting the party on the road was the orb being stabilised. Now Gale could indulge his fantasies of Devi in the privacy of his tent without worrying about if he was going to kill everyone in a wide radius around him. He could flirt with her without danger, beyond the risk of one of their friends rolling their eyes hard enough to strain a muscle in their skulls – and it still amazed him that she flirted back with him just as much.

And when he finally managed to pull her away from everyone in the shadow-cursed lands and took her to bed in the illusions of the Weave, he felt more complete in her arms than he ever had with any of his previous lovers – even Mystra.

Now, as they walked through the sunlight on the road to Baldur’s Gate with the rest of their party, he took the opportunity to openly admire her. She was more than the petite body, red hair, brilliant green eyes, and the piercings and tattoos that she sported. She was kind, and protective, and loyal to a fault to those she cared about. 

She paused at the crest of a hill, turning back to look for him among the group, the late afternoon sunlight setting her hair aflame like a beacon. Her eyes lit up when they landed on him; she patiently waited until he got to her side and took her hand in his. “Gods, I love you,” she murmured, setting her free hand on his chest over his heart.

“I love you too,” Gale softly answered, leaning in to chastely kiss her lips. “Any particular reason?”

Devi shook her head. “Just… thinking about how close I came to losing you,” she quietly said. “And how I’m never going to forgive Mystra for what she ordered you to do.”

Gale shook his head and smiled. “You give me a reason to continue living, darling,” he said. “You fought for me when I never expected anyone to do so. I love you beyond what mere words can convey.”

Devi smiled, and rested her forehead against Gale’s for a moment. “We’d best catch up to the others,” she finally said, “otherwise we’re going to be left behind.”

“They wouldn’t abandon us,” Gale responded with a soft laugh. “Considering most of them can barely cook anything, they’ll surely miss us by dinnertime.” Still, he didn’t resist when Devi resumed walking down the road with him, his hand in hers, where it belonged.

No, he might not have looked her way if he had ever encountered her before their adventure – more fool him. But he was, in that moment, grateful for every mistake and upset circumstance that led him to this woman who he loved.

[captastra]

+ Music Monday Wednesday

Thanks for the tag @kyber-infinitygems @marivenah @jillvalentinesday and @madparadoxum <3!! The first snippet for my BG3 victorian au Belle Danse Macabre!

It wasn’t until she was on the road that Everlith read the note and for that she was grateful. The message was brief and straight to the point, but the initials at the bottom of the letter made her blood run cold and she would have needed to sit if she had still been back at the inn. She also would have recognized the handwriting, no matter how many years had passed since she had seen it. On first glance, nothing would have been amiss to any bystander that may have glanced at the note. Certainly the clerk wouldn’t have seen anything wrong with it, a simple greeting and welcome home that any lay person could have been happy to receive. How Everlith wished that was the case. She had half a mind throughout the whole trip to Baldur’s Gate to through the letter out the window and rid herself of its presence, but even she knew that would be folly. No amount of pretending it hadn’t been read and acknowledged would erase what it meant. Something was going on, and someone that should have been long dead knew she was returning home.

And the song that I always listen to while writing this fic!

No pressure tags: @kourumi @poetikat @confidentandgood @theelderhazelnut @shegetsburned @spaceratprodigy @darkfire1177 @euryalex @awhellstothejoe @gayafsatan @bearcina @olliesaurus-rex @poisonedtruth @isobel-thorm @bitchesofostwick @incognito-insomniac @beautiful-delirium @valiantvillain @adelaidedrubman @perhapsrampancy @mxanigel @leviiackrman @eclecticwildflowers @aceghosts @the-grand-king-queen @mybookswerealltome @roofgeese @thisisrigged4 @clonesupport @galaxycunt @kabals-nose-scrunch (and anyone else who has something they want to share :D)

[greatunironic]

title: the other hand knocking (1/8) summary: Since he was eighteen, Steven Harrington knew he would not marry: there were many factors, but chief among them were that he had, he knew, given up his chance for true happiness when he had allowed his mother to persuade him from accepting Edward Munson’s proposal. Or: a Regency AU.

excerpt: Once upon a time, this was not the way: once upon a time, Steve had been the spitting image of his father — at least in attitude, in manner; he’d wholly been a product of his mother in all other aspects physically, her freckles and moles and pale skin and dark hair, the cut of their jaw, the line of their nose. (Sometimes, he wondered if that was why his father hated him: he got neither a title, nor a son to carry his face to the next generation.) But it had been a long time now since Steve had stopped seeing the value in the ideals his father upheld. Unmarried at twenty-four, no prospects, and frightfully dull, Father would complain of Steve.

Was it dull, he wondered, to not want to continue the poor legacy of his father’s stewardship of Loch Nora? He’d been eighteen, when he’d inherited the title, and broken-hearted, unmoored from the events of the last two years that had eventually culminated in his mother’s illness and death. Father had stepped in; and at first he’d been grateful, thankful that Father had come to steer the ship while Steve was floundering, but now he could see the mistake he had made by sitting back. He wanted, now, more than ever, to do right by the people on their land, to the people of Loch Nora, and he could not do that with Father sitting across the table from him, holding court for his new wife and the very few servants there dotting the walls behind them, in their shadows, day after day, as they eat and drink tea and pretend, pretend, pretend — pretend the estate was not in shambles because of his every action and non-action; pretend that Bath was a better home for them than the green hills of Loch Nora; pretend that this was Father’s choice, and Father’s choice alone, not the hand that was forced on him by his son and his solicitor and stacks of paperwork outlining his follies.

Steve would give anything, he thought, to be anywhere but this room. Steve would give anything, he thought, to be something other than this pale shadow of a young man whose decisions had led him to this point. Steve would give anything, he thought, to be someone else, to have been born with a different name, a less respectable one, a plain one. If only he had —

[starryjuicebox]

Beloved (8) - Revelation

Summary: A necessary conversation is had.

Pairing: Ascended!Astarion x Tav

Word Count: 981 words

Masterlist | Ao3 Link | Next Chapter

Kythorn 1494

Astarion has secured a seat on the Council of Four. He came back to the manor and picked me up, spinning me around as he boasted of this victory. Then, he slipped a diamond ring on my finger. 

I, the Princess of Silevren, shall be joined in matrimony to the newest Council member. It feels more like a formality than anything else, as everybody already acknowledges me as the Lady of the manor. 

When I was a little girl, I had always dreamed of my wedding day. I just never expected it to be happening like…this. 

He does not understand my melancholy. I grieve the seven thousand people, each with families and loved ones of their own, that were damned because of my weakness. There were children included. Ones that will experience eternal torment due to my failure. Every glance in the mirror is a fresh reminder of my sin. Any time I partake in blood that is not his, I fear how it was obtained. I dare not share any of this with him. Astarion showers me in jewels, luxury, and affection. His ascension and my damnation was my folly to begin with. How could I complain? 

Last night, he had another nightmare and held me tightly. They happen so frequently. Astarion is somehow more afraid than he ever was before, and merely compensates with arrogance. It breaks my heart.

Astarion won’t let me out of his sight, for fear that something may befall me. If he leaves the manor to conduct business, he sends three servants to watch over me. I feel smothered. 

Last week, I had transformed into a dove to feel the wind in the sky. I thought he might burn down the entire manor in his consternation when he arrived home. I soothed him by lying that I was merely resting and hadn’t noticed his return. I was too late though, and the servants had already been killed. 

How can we heal from this? How do we move forward? Is it even possible? 

Stella Lunaris 

Love? Astarion knew love. The gravest crimes committed in the world were committed for love. A hunger crueller than bloodlust. He had told himself he would ruin her love, used it until she was nothing. 

And he had. Hadn’t he? Was that not the reason she no longer looked at him the way she had…before? He had succeeded in ruining her love. Over the past three centuries, he had been watching her waste away, slowly disappearing even if she was physically with him. 

It felt awful. 

Perhaps that was why he had wanted her to smile, why seeing her so hollow invoked anger and frustration inside of him. 

He just hadn’t wanted to admit it. 

Stella remained motionless on the floor, head bowed, but he saw the teardrops sliding onto the baby blue satin of her dress. Her hair curtained his consort’s expression from him.

For the first time in centuries, he was briefly at a loss for words. Was she telling him that despite the change in her behavior, she still loved him? 

He decided to latch onto something far easier to talk about and retorted, “You hate what I have become? Your hands are as bloody as mine, darling. Why would you go along with any of this just to pretend you’re innocent now?” 

“I know. I am not innocent at all. I’ve become a monster, and turned you into one too,” came his lover’s melancholic response, thick with tears. 

Astarion bristled, crossing his arms defensively. He desperately tried to ignore the foreign pang in his chest. “I have always been a monster. The Rite just made me a free one. But you? You are no monster. You are my dark consort. My treasure, and my most beloved.” 

How could she speak so poorly of herself? Had she been feeling this way the entire time? Gods, no wonder she had been miserable. These useless thoughts had to be banished.

He sighed, before guiding her to stand, and she buried her face into his chest. Wetness bloomed onto his expensive doublet, but that was of no consequence to him at all. He held her close, because that was surely what she wanted. It also somehow lessened the strange ache inside his own chest.   

“Thank you for saying that, but… I can’t take it anymore, Astarion. Seven thousand people died because of us. The guilt eats me alive. It’s been centuries, but I still can hear their anguished screams. And you - you’ve changed so much since that day,” her wails were muffled by the cloth.  

Gently stroking her hair, he said, “I have changed, for the better. I am so much stronger than I was back then. And those spawn would have unleashed incredible carnage upon the world. It was for the better that their lives were put to use.” 

His words seemed to cause her to pause in consideration. 

“That…may be true, but did they not deserve a chance to live? Just as you did?” 

Astarion sighed, before kissing the top of her head. “It’s too late for regrets, darling. They’ve been dead for three hundred years. Besides, I needed the power to best the brain. The pathetic weakling I was before could never have destroyed it on his own.” 

Stella finally tilted her face upwards to meet his gaze. “Seven thousand trees, for seven thousand souls. I…can’t take back what’s been done, but at the very least I can honor their memory. And their contribution to saving this city.” 

As much as he wanted to roll his eyes at her soft-heartedness and the pointlessness of it all, he supposed it was worth doing, if just to make her feel better. “As you wish, my love.” 

The tiniest ghost of a smile appeared on her face, and he felt the pain in his heart begin to ebb away.

[wall-legion]

Shiverpeaks Sylvari PS: Food for Thought

This is the first quest for any sylvari who has aligned themself with the Spirit of Sun during CC. As a reminder, your character awakes at the base of the Pinefather, and is greeted by your season's esus. The following cinematic happens after you have loaded into Ochtachtoft: Esus: Newborn! At last. I was starting to think you might sleep the whole day away under Father's branches! PC: My apologies, sibling. This is my first time waking up. I'm still new to it. Esus: So you are. My name is (PC's season's esus). I am the esus of (PC's season). Welcome to the world, young one. PC: Thank you. It is a wonder, isn't it? Esus: Indeed, it is. Pinefather's roots truly took hold in a beautiful spot. PC: I must ask you a question, though. The Spirit of Sun has made a request of me. Esus: Is this true? How remarkable. What was asked of you? PC: Sun says something called a "pineshade" is trampling our gardens, and that I must help someone named Emlyn. Esus: I see. Emlyn has been deeply concerned about this problem for some time, and they will gratefully accept the help. Head to the Verdant Haven, and you will see the path to our gardens. That's where you'll find them. PC: I'll head there now. Thank you for helping me. Esus: Of course, newborn. We are family. We aid our own. Open World Upon leaving Ostachtoft, you head into the Verdant Haven and have a quest marker heading to the west. This leads to the point of interest named Emlyn's Bounty, where you find another sylvari pacing back and forth and muttering to themself until you approach. PC: Erm... excuse me. Are you Emlyn? Emlyn: Oh! Oh, yes, I am. Sorry, I was just- I'm sorry. Who are you? PC: I'm (character name). I came to help out. The Spirit of Sun said as I was awakening that there's a pineshade- Emlyn: Oh you'd better believe there's a pineshade! A terrible, awful, gigantic one! PC: Uh... let's pretend I don't know what a pineshade is, Emlyn. Emlyn: What? Oh right, you're new. Well, a pineshade is a big creature, looks like it's an overgrown sentient tree. Usually they're very docile. But this one is... well for some reason it's mean! PC: So you don't know why it's mean? Emlyn: No, not this one. Usually they only get angry if you hit them first. PC: And how do you fend it off? Emlyn: I've been building fences, and that at least slows it down. I've been too busy trying to keep everything watered, since the nearby spring is unusable to go find what's angering it. I'll just be happy to be able focus on that again, if you can figure this out! At this point you'll get a popup of your choices: Charming - Let me see if I can figure out what's bothering it. Dignity - Let me help you build the fence first. Then I can attempt to deal with the pineshade. Ferocious - It seems like the time for reason has come and gone. I'm going to take care of it. If Charming is chosen: Emlyn: That would be wonderful if you could! It would be tragic to cause the loss of a life if we could avoid that. If Dignity is chosen: Emlyn: Oh, that would be lovely! It would make things much easier here, and I can go to get water while you go to the pineshade. If Ferocious is chosen: Emlyn: Oh. If you think that is best. Please try to be swift about it. You head further west after that, into a region called the Silver Needles. At a point of interest called Folly of Toke, you will find the pineshade you are looking for. Like all pineshades, it cannot speak; unlike all pineshades, it is immediately aggressive. After it is defeated, it drops a shard of ice, and your quest marker moves back to Emlyn's Bounty. Emlyn: You're back! What happened? PC: I'm not quite sure, to be honest. I found the pineshade, but it attacked me as soon as it saw me. I don't know if anything could have been done to help it, Emlyn. Emlyn: Well if nothing else, we were trying to help. Thank you. PC: I did find this when it fell, though. Does this hold any meaning for you? Emlyn: Hm. Doesn't spark anything for me, but perhaps someone back in Ochtachtoft will know. PC: Then I'll return there. Thank you Emlyn. Be well.

[the-eclectic-wonderer]

I’m willing to bet a lot of excellent meta has already been written about this, and I won’t pretend it’s anything more than a vaguely coherent thought, but I just re-read Pride and Prejudice and it seems so interesting to me how neither Aziraphale’s cotillion balls nor Crowley’s rainstorm-awning combo are the point in the story where the two characters actually understand each other.

The rainstorm scene is only in the 2005 P&P movie (which makes sense - Crowley doesn’t read, but he likes movies), and it’s obviously the first marriage proposal, which is a complete disaster. Both Darcy and Elizabeth leave the scene enraged and offended. Granted, this is the dialogue that sets their internal process of change into motion - but it’s definitely not the point when they ‘realise they were made for each other’.

The cotillion balls are what sparks their conflict in the first place! Elizabeth leaves the first ball insulted by Darcy’s refusal to dance with her (she’s not handsome enough to tempt him, is she?) and this initial dislike is the strong foundation upon which she builds her terrible opinion of him (she even states later in the novel that she let herself be blinded by first impressions). The second ball is peak Bennet shame - Lydia and Kitty are insufferable, Mary makes a fool of herself at the piano, Mr Bennet is absurd, Mrs Bennet even arranges for the carriage to arrive late, much to everyone else’s embarrassment. Darcy sees all this folly in full display and decides he has to save Bingley from marrying Jane - especially since he doesn’t think Jane loves him back - thus alienating any residual goodwill in Lizzie’s heart. The balls are not the place where the characters ‘realise they had deeply misunderstood each other, and are actually deeply in love’; they’re quite the opposite!

I’m not sure if the parallels are intended to be read this literally (there is no kiss in the rainstorm scene, after all) but they’re still fun to think about.

[stoicallyshi]

February 8th

It's not that he doesn't understand but it is that he doesn't want to. He pretends to feel dejected by my thoughts and my deeds, he shows so by that look of unfaithfulness which completely shatters my inner child, a 22 year child which was forced to feel and act like a 25.

He says "it's all a rat race in big cities, I don't like such rushed life, it's not worth it." I say same father I don't either but I don’t explain why. Maybe it's because I like the noise of the sea waves more, maybe because the crowd makes me uncomfortable.

I always look at myself with pity, I sometime don't even appreciate myself much for what I have become for him and behind chasing his dream. I wish I could tell him that this is not I want anymore, I wish I could tell him that my heart belongs somewhere else, beats for a dream which is too far and unapproachable from his pov. I look at him with hope, that one day I might be able to gather the courage and tell him the truth about everything I want to do and everything I want to be. I pray in my mind and make scenarios about how would he react to the far fetched things I would say to him. The silence and the dejected look on his face horrifies me to the core.

The ungrateful look on his face, the pain of not being understood, the weight of his expectations, the non alignment of his thinking and my thoughts, the uttered disbelief in place of "oh do what you like", the folly of wanting him to take pride in me but not receiving enough support from him, it all comes down on me hitting me, tearing me from my very own skin.

I have grown accustomed of not letting him know what I wanna do with my future because I know it will never be a happy thing to know for him. I keep a check on myself for not letting myself flow and blabber out things which I suppress whenever I see him getting a little casual with our conversation. I feel like there are so many things I wanna say to him, I feel a bit overjoyed whenever I feel like am heard but down the brain the only thing that reaches me is the feeling of how ununderstood I still stand.

"Working in one of the metropolitan cities earning 2,3 lakhs can't compare to what you could get from getting into one of these government jobs, do something for the place you were born on". These ain't just words, these are the words that makes me feel doubtful about myself that whatever I'm doing may not be enough for him ever, not today, not in any coming days. Yet he says all he has ever wanted is to see me settled even if it's a low profile job. But this thing in my brain will it ever let me live with peace until I see him being proud for what I did? Will I ever be able to live with the fact that I didn't do enough to satisfy him? It was never enough for the only person I was doing it all for, tell me will I be able to sleep with this constant knock on my body and soul?

How will I ever live knowing that maybe one day if I choose to do things of my own, he might not look at me like his own daughter? Tell me how do want me to survive if the reason for making it out through all doesn't find my reasons apprehensive because of the person he is and not because of the person he could be? Afterall why would anyone want to change his grounds of beliefs and ideals if that has been incorporated for more than the years I have lived my life.

A part of mine screams, cries and yearns to be understood and appreciated, not a part maybe it's all me. I don't blame him for anything, how can I when he is all the reason I still live a life better than those who doesn't have one. Maybe I guess someday it will all change. I imagine turning the long rusted wheels of the turbine between us. I wish the flow of the water to be strong enough to wash down all his insecurities and see me as someone who is at her best and did it all to prove worth being a good daughter.

I wish it all was never just on the paper, wish it all was already contemplated somewhere, anywhere !

[nuclearloop]

points. skin and secret for hari, ghost and future for sor :3c

Bless, these are all great...HERE WE GO

Skin: How comfortable is your OC in their skin? Do they grapple with anything that lives inside them—a beast, a curse, a failure, a monster? How do they face the smallest, weakest, most horrible version of themself? Are they able to acknowledge it at all?

Figuratively and literally here, For Sure. In just about every AU Hari has some form of 'parasite' she lovingly named Frankie that is a direct connection to her still being alive. (Parasite blights, code-breaking viruses, etc etc.) Even when Frankie isn't present, though she usually goes through some form of mutilation along her left arm (and often her left tit), it's just kind of thematic. She is pretty good at keeping it down, but her fear of losing autonomy is overwhelming.

Over time she overcomes 'Frankie' one way or another, though, and learns to live with the results whatever those might be.

She is most definitely haunted by her failures though, namely losing her sister Mags to a folly that winds up killing them both (but Hari comes back, thanks Frankie) and it's always Hari's fault. She pretty much lives her life trying to make amends with this, living with guilt, but trying to live her best life for both of them.

Secret: What's one secret your OC never wants anyone to know about them?

Hari's actually extremely anxious, 24/7. She's great at masking it and pretending she's chill and will get defensive if you assume otherwise. She associates anxiety with vulnerability, and she is toooootally good at being vulnerable. She's mostly scared of losing anyone else close to her, and ultimately Death Part 2 - which really she's not afraid of death so much as her control over it. She'd rather not get shanked as her final moment if she can help it.

Ghost: Who or what haunts your OC? What happened? How do they live with their ghosts?

Oh definitely just her arc leading up to her current point in the timeline, across AUs. She has profound guilt over the loss of her previous company who she considered her family since childhood. Her mother, their captain, betrayed them all as kind of a 'boone' to get ahead for conquest and while Sordid was spared she had one two many questions and was punished for it via the Cleansing Flames of Faith and then sent off as a Tithe for the inquisition.

Future: What's the worst possible future for your OC? Are they taking steps to avoid that outcome? Are they even aware it's a possibility?

Yanno, probably a few things. One is Sor just...becoming her mother, which currently is her worst fear. She was already treated more like an heir, a successor, than a daughter, but after seeing the lengths her mother would reach to get what she wanted she's terrified of becoming that too. This would be in line with falling to chaos/chaos ending.

The other is reserved more for AU settings where she doesn't have her little squad of buddies and that she still carries out defeating her mother but is indefinitely Alone and kind of becomes Guts-type in that she'd just lone wolf it, killing monsters, always traveling and keeping people at a very wide berth.

[remidyal]

Blood Snippet - Vampire Adaine PoV

This was requested by @tangerineblasttheintern, who asked for an Adaine PoV from Blood while she was with the vampires who bought her off her parents before her rescue. Happy birthday!

Adaine woke up in an unfamiliar bedroom, completely lightless, a soreness over her neck and shoulders and really her entire body. She squinted around, able to dimly see despite the lack of light. After a couple of minutes, she slid off the bed she'd been on top of, the ice-cold silk sheets rubbing against her skin. She landed on her feet quietly, glancing around. Black curtains were nailed tightly over the windows, and a dresser sat near the door.

She couldn't remember how she got here. The last thing she remembered, she'd been in the drawing room at home and… There had been guests. Creepy ones.

It wasn't a good sign that she had no idea where she was, after that, she was pretty certain as she creeped as silently as she could towards the door. Wherever she was, it would be best to go to the police, or try to figure SOMETHING out. Not to stay here, certainly.

Given that it was the middle of the summer, this place was far too cold. Adaine rubbed her hands together as she reached the door, moving to slowly turn the knob. Which was locked, from the other side. Because of course it was. She sighed to herself, and then and only then did she notice that she hadn't yet taken a breath since she'd woken up, her eyes going wide and hands over her mouth. Now that she thought about it, she did breath in and out, but she'd been up for like five minutes without.

The door opened, the human man from earlier standing on the other side, candlelight filling the hallway behind him, his voice nearly as formal and stiff as Father's usually was. "Ah. You've risen at last, child."

"What the hell is going on? I'm going home, let me out of here." She demanded, clenching her fists. In spite of the time that seemed to have passed, it evidently hadn't been very restful - she could still feel the drain of the ray of sickness that he had shrugged off earlier. She could manage maybe one more, if she saw an opportunity to run.

"You are home, child. And to leave now would be folly; dawn approaches. Perhaps I should explain? My companions and I have recently lost some… dear and powerful friends. Alas, they will not be returning, and so we sought to start the process of replacing them. Beginning with you, though I'm starting to think perhaps we should have held out for your sister after all." He frowned down at her.

Probably because at the mention of that she had flung the second ray of sickness; it had been equally as effective as the first.

Trying to pretend that hadn't just happened, she ducked past him, heading out and down some stairs, looking for the front door.

"Where are you going, child? Are you not listening to me? Have you not been raised to respect and obey your elders? We chose a high elf child for our new wizard because they are frequently already tought these lessons, but we can teach it again if you force us."

"Oh, fuck off!" She said, turning around and extending two middle fingers out.

"No. A demonstration, then. Sit down at the kitchen table and make no further noise until sunset." He said, gazing upon her.

And, no matter how she tried to direct her body or fight it off, she stepped through hallways she did not know, finding her way flawlessly into a kitchen with no appliances but with a number of cages with animals inside, all of them cringing to the back of their cages as she passed. She tugged a chair out, sat, and tried to make herself do anything else other than wait.

The other three in the house went in and out of the room through the day, one of them seeming to check on her and tugging at her eyelids, and yet still she could do nothing, could not move, could not resist in the slightest.

Finally, at what she could somehow tell was sunset even though she could not see any sunlight at any point, she felt her body relax and was at last able to tap her feet onto the ground, even as the three entered the kitchen, the man at the lead. He started opening one of the cages, rattling it and then coming out with what looked like a stray cat, half-mad with starvation.

"…I trust that you will behave, now. Let us show you how to feed."

The stay did not improve from there.

[bxrningembers]

All OC Bios Mobile

Name: Rose Ars Goatia

Alias: Broker/ Rose Corvidia

Hellborn: 219 years old

Gender: CIS Female

Demon Type: Raven (Ars Goatia)

Job: Spy and knight. Lower ranking Goatia.

Brief Bio: Rose is a hellborn demon that acts as a Knight and a spy for higher ranking Goatia, enforcing the families will and influence in hell. She is often undercover spying as an arms deal and information gatherer called Broker. She has been known to take jobs and assignments as part of this cover, however her loyalty is unwaveringly to the Goatia royalty.

Abilities: She has powerful wind and fire based attacks but she is vulnerable to Ice based and holy attacks. She can meld and become one with shadows and manipulate them as well. Having wings, she is also able to fly.

Weapons: Halberd, Long Sword

Name: Claudia Carmichael

Alias: Miss Hiss, or Hiss.

Age: 23

Year of death: 1929 (Suicide)

Gender: CIS Female

Demon Type: Bush Viper Snake

Job: A bookkeeper for the stock market (formerly when alive), Accountant and loan shark.

Brief Bio: Claudia was a bright, hopeful, and perky young lady with a sunny disposition in life. She had big hopes and dreams of making it big, marrying some rich, handsome man and having a family. All the things you hear about in stories about the time before the great depression. She worked as a bookkeeper for the stock market and was one of those that saw the early signs of the coming crash. Her worries were dismissed and eventually on that fateful day on Oct, 29, 1929, she saw all her hopes and dreams go up in flames when the stock market crashed. Claudia lost everything over the course of a few weeks after that. She was left without a job, lost her apartment and anything else that she couldn’t make payments on. She struggled on the streets well into December before she took her own life from depression and self disgust from some of the things she had done to survive. Her method was self-poisoning.

In Hell, Claudia assumed the name “Hiss” for simplicity and became a loan shark and accountant. Most Verses will assume she operates solo, but others will have her contracted under the Vees or other powerful demons were appropriate.

Abilities: Venom: A neurotoxin that can cause internal hemorrhaging of organs and renal failure. Scales: Her spiny scales can be removed or fired out like shrapnel and new scales will replace them within a minute or two. The scales are sharp and pointed but not poisonous on their own.

Weapons: Throwing knives and poisoned daggers.

Name: Cyrus McLane

Alias: Trickshot Age: 34

Year of death: 1908 (Sacrificed)

Gender: CIS Male

Demon Type: Hognose snake

Job: Explorer and archaeologist assistant (in life), Former mercenary, Currently looking to seek redemption at the hotel.

Brief Bio: Cyrus was a simple man at first. His family were ranchers and he grew up in the country. He thought he’d live his life as a cowboy and maybe that would have been better than what fate had in store for him. His simple life changed when he met Professor Thaddus Adams. An explorer and researcher. The Professor’s latest project brought him into the country and right on Cyrus doorstep. The doctor needed to dig up a part of his land for a fossil he suspected was in the area. Fascinated by the Professor’s words, he allowed it under the condition that he could see this “Story to the end” as the saying goes.

This would be Cyrus’ folly as Thaddus’ research would take him deep into the jungles across the sea to more tribal lands. It was thrilling and exciting to be sure, but one morning Cyrus woke not in a camp with the professor but rather tied up on a sacrificial altar. The professor was nowhere to be found. Cyrus tried to pretend to be already dead, thinking that his captors would toss him in a river or something and he’d be able to escape. No such luck as the dagger pierced him ending his life as he was tributed to some deity or another.

Cyrus never did learn what happened to Thaddus or who the cult or people that killed him were. What he did know was he was in Hell because of it and left his younger brother and his wife with the ranch and property he once owned. He made his living taking odd jobs in hell before becoming a mercenary. When he heard of Charlie’s hotel idea he was hesitant, was there a salvation for him? It wasn’t until after the attack on the hotel that he decided to actually try, showing up in the aftermath to help them clean up and rebuild.

Abilities: Homing: He can control and curve his shots to hit targets like homing missiles. It’s possible to block or avoid them if you’re fast enough. Near death: He can imitate a fatal injury and appear as though he is dead to fool others. Fake Venom and Hypnosis: He can fan out his hood to look like he is inducing a hypnotic attack or his bit tingles as if he has injected a deadly venom but fades out after a few minutes. Both are fake outs that buy him time and nothing more. Weapons: Guns: Two Revolvers.

Name: Farris

Alias: none.

Age: 21

Year of death: Still alive.

Gender: Female

Demon Type: N/A

Job: Street Performer

Faceclaim: Saori Shishido (modern version) from Ninja Shadow

Brief Bio: Farris is a still living human questioning life as she made her living as a homeless street performer. At some point, she saw what she believed to be kids in costumes being hunted down by strange people in black suits. Farris used her unique Telepathic abilities to help the “Kids” evade capture and injury by feeding them information of what she could see from her viewpoint. This came up more than once, and on the third encounter, she was captured and thrown in with the “kids” as they were experimented on. Needless to say, these kids were not kids at all, but demons. Very short demons. Though the one that would come to their rescue… was not. While Farris wasn’t killed for her newfound knowledge, they could not leave her there. So she was taken to Hell until it was decided what was to be done with her.

Abilities: Telepathy: It works only one way. She can send out telepathic messages over long distances but she can’t hear thoughts.

Weapons: N/A

Name: Abel

Age: Adult (appearing in early 20s)

Gender: Male

Species: Human

Faceclaim: Fei Fong Wong/Abel Xenogears and Xenosaga.

Brief Bio: Abel is kind, friendly and naive. He enjoys martial arts, teaching children and has a large fondness for animals. His hobby is painting and he’s pretty good at it too. He has a strong sense of justice and moral compass. He does not like violence and tries to find other solutions, opting to try to talk out disagreements. He is a gentle soul and the “incident” between him and his older brother fills him with sadness And depression rather than hate or anger. He wants very much to forgive him but also fears him.

Name: Arata Sanada

Alias Name: Bluebox (digitally only), None

Age of death: 19

Year of death: 20XX, (He's a newly dead) (a year before @crncrie's Nimue.)

Demon Type: Sinner, Electric Eel demon

Gender: CIS Male

Crossover Muse from: Digimon Cybersueth

Bio: Arata was a hacker and cyber criminal in life mostly to slate his own curiosity. He was a childhood friend of Nimue Umiko and her brother Daisuke Hideo @cxncrie . Once running a Hacker group called Jude in his teens, Arata made mistakes that endangered the group causing him to disband it. After that he distanced himself from everyone, including his old friends. 

In order to survive, Arata started to take hacking jobs from very shady people and eventually ended up entangled with the Yakuza. Mostly doing money laundering schemes and crimes of that nature for them. At one point he became responsible for unwittingly cutting the power to a hospital that killed several people and that was a line he didn't want to cross. He tried to get out and was punished as the yakuza beat him, knocked him out and dumped his body in a lake to try to make it look like a suicide. As he was drowned, he's body was ravaged by Eels and he died quite painfully.

In Hell, he is protected by @crncrie's Damien, but often seems to like getting himself into trouble. He seems particularly interested in Voxtech and the network Vox has made down in Hell. He also follows Velvette on her social media and reads what manga he can find in hell.... though most of it is Valentino Studio published Hentai manga. He claims that the stories and art are good and you need to look past the porn.

Demon powers: Electrokanisis: He can create, control and manipulate electricity with his mind. The more powerful the more energy he needs. The bigger electrical bolts/current, the harder it is to control.  Hacking: Arata was a skilled hacker in life and can seemingly open up window tabs out of thin air and access the nearest digital network for hacking. He does still have to contend with things like firewalls but he does not requite a computer or external device to do this, he just can't save, download or upload anything without an external device. He can still move things around on whatever he is accessing though and delete things.

Name: Tatsuya Sudou

Alias Name: King Leo

Age at death: 30, 

Year of death: 1999

Demon Type: Sinner, Lion Demon

Gender: CIS Male

Crossover Muse from: Persona 2 Innocent Sin and Persona 2 Eternal Punishment

Bio: Tatsuya in life was a paranoid, twitchy lad that heard voices in his head and had an unhealthy obsession with fire. He was terrified of his abusive and neglectful father, the Foreign minister of Japan at that time, Tatsuzou Sudou. His high school history teacher was a Sci-fi conspiracy theorist and was convinced Tatsuya was hearing messages from Mayan Aliens. He wrote down all the crazy crap Tatsuya said and relayed from “The Voices” in his head in a book. Not long after that his teacher died in a car accident. 

Tatsuya didn’t have any friends and was bullied heavily growing up with on top of every thing didn’t really make things better for him. So he had a tendency to cling to and be extremely loyal to anyone that was actually nice to him. Looking his history teacher was a huge blow and he ran off that night to try to appease the voices in his head. Unfortunately they told him to set fire to a famous temple…. and he did. And two people were burned to death inside. His father had the incident covered up but institutionalized his son after.

In his cell he rewrote down all the crazy crap in the book his teacher wrote all over his cell/room. He spent his years in there obsessed over it and saw it as a prophecy. Hearing a rumor about making your dreams come true by calling your own phone number on your cellphone, he tried it using the asylum’s phone and was greeted by a paranormal being calling itself “Joker”. He recruited Tatsuya and three others to be leaders of an order to remake the world, naming him King Leo.

To make a long story short, Joker was essentially a puppet of the Outer God Nyarlathotep, who was basically toying with humanity as Outer gods tend to do. The end of which, resulted in the world being rebooted before Tatsuya met his history teacher. Only Tatsuya remembered everything that happened and tried to make these things happen again, assuming the vacant role of “Joker” but as a serial killer that killed those you hated most. Nyarlathotep being amused lent his power to make this possible again until Tatsuya ultimately got himself killed… Ironically in the same manner as his previous timeline, falling through a whole in a roof top into a blazing inferno of the burning flight museum that he caused.

Even in the new timeline, his corpse resembled a lion skin rug upon discovery, thus his lion form in hell. Hell has not made Tatsuya anymore sane, He dresses as he did in life and uses the name King Leo that was gifted to him. He spouts conspiracy theories and crazy crap to anyone who will listen and often starts fires that have to be put out. He has been known to do weapons testing for the Carmines, get involved in turf wars, but mostly seems to have made his home as a butcher in Cannibal town with frequent visits to libraries (As crazy as he is, he loves to read and write).

Demon powers: Phones: Likely because of his actions in the second timeline, Tatsuya possesses the ability to be summoned by calling your own phone number where he will kill or attempt to kill the person you hate most. Pyrokanisis: Tatsuya can create, control and manipulate fire mentally. The greater the fire the more energy he needs to do so. Bigger fire is harder to control than a smaller fire.

[kins0ul]

@impietied said: “i don’t understand anything…and i no longer want to understand anything.”

"were you anyone else," zya says, in a voice tempered to soft and silvery, a moonbeam - - nothing more. "i might say that was good a cause as any to turn to faith." she has not pressed, not on this score. her devotion to her goddess is no secret, nor ever can it be. too much about her screams of it, so little has she ever done to hide it. what wish, what call, should she have to pretend to be what she is not?

it is a cruel place, the world that they must navigate. it is not only temples that are desecrated and destroyed, but families and hopes. some things do not mend - - some things grow back together only when the vines cover them over. some things, indeed, never can be understood.

she does not - - and never has - - seen that as cause for loss of hope.

"but instead, i will say this - - i think there are some things we cannot understand, and that it's folly to follow them too deep. i do not think this caution is unwise."