#and it was challenging to find meaning in this but i think i got it

[the-lying-heavens]

"Pick One Moment"

[Spencer Reid x fem!reader]

Masterlist

Summary: A rough case in Dayton, Ohio brings unexpected emotions to the surface for you, forcing you to confront feelings you'd been hiding for years—feelings for Spencer Reid.

Warnings: Fluff, angst, moment of awkwardness

Word Count: 2.0k words

A/N: just based on the lyric 'And then I go and spoil it all by saying something stupid like I love you...I love you' from the song Something Stupid by Frank Sinatra because it's been stuck in my head. I've been planning to write Spence for a while but I've been intimidated.

Staying professional in Dayton, Ohio proved to be a challenge.

It had been a rough case, but what case wasn't, right? Just have to wrap this one up and you can go back to your house and dog.

Okay, fine, this wasn't like most cases at all, not to you anyway. This one had hit particularly close to home. And you didn't like that one bit.

This made you more short-tempered than usual, even snapping at a witness. After a lengthy lecture from Hotch, I mean from the look on his face you would think you had insulted him, he had 'benched' you by having you go through old files that might be related to the UnSub.

Hey, at least you got to do it with Spencer.

After working with him for so many years, you grew quite fond of him. Too fond maybe.

You stared at him going through files with a speed that should not have been human. 20,000 words at a minute, and you thought you were a fast reader.

"Got anything yet, Boy Genius?" you asked, flipping the page of your own file.

He looked up at you. God those eyes...

"No. This one isn't even related to it." he dropped the file on the table.

"Didn't you read the entire thing?"

"Yes," he replied, "It was interesting."

"You find everything interesting."

"Not true," he protested.

You rubbed your eyes, sighing. "Sure, Spence."

He tilted his head at you, a look of concern on his face. Adorable.

"Are you okay?" he asked.

You considered lying, you had been doing that the entire time you had arrived in Dayton after all, but decided against it. "Not really."

"Is it about your family? I thought this case might bring up some bad memories."

You couldn't help but smile at how quickly he had gotten it. "Yeah, something like that."

"Can I help?"

"Can you make memories go poof?"

He actually seemed to ponder it. "No. I'm not sure why you would want to."

"You never wish that you could just forget the bad stuff?" You knew what he had been through, you had seen quite a bit of it.

His brows furrowed. "I don't like the idea of forgetting anything. I mean, Mom forgets enough so I remember for her too."

You realized your mistake and winced. "Spence... God, sorry."

"It's okay," he reassured you. "You're remembering a dark time in your life, it can be overwhelming. Also explains you snapping at the witness, with your nerves on edge."

"Yeah?" You grinned. "It was going to be Morgan but the asshole left before I could. So collateral damage."

He laughed. "He's outside if you want to insult him now. I don't want to be collateral damage too."

"You? Never."

"Never?"

"Never," you repeated.

Oh, how you loved his lopsided grins. "Thank you."

"Always." If you could pick one moment to live in forever, it probably would've been that one.

Minus JJ coming through the door right then. "We got something."

You wanted to throw a file at her. Instead, you get up with a heavy sigh. The sooner you get this done the better, you had to remember that.

~~~

The BAU was heading back to Washington tomorrow, so you could leave this far far behind. Finally. This case taking up two weeks of your life was enough.

You sat at a cafe next to the hotel where you were staying. It was a cozy little place with a mostly brown interior and warm lighting. The scent of freshly brewed coffee and warm pastries filled the air.

You sipped your drink, feeling the cup's warmth in your hands. You had been coming here for the past few days and you had to admit, you would miss this place.

Just then, the door opened, and in walked someone you recognized, glancing around the room before spotting you. With a smile, Spencer made his way over, pulling out a chair across from you.

"Mind if I join you?" he asked.

You smiled back, gesturing to the seat. "Not at all."

He sat down and looked around. "So this is where you disappear to?"

You hummed in confirmation. "it's a nice place to think."

He stared at you for a while before nodding thoughtfully.

"What?" you sipped your coffee.

"Just... Are you feeling better?"

You shrugged. "Yeah, UnSubs behind bars. What more could I want?"

"Closure," he replied quietly.

You pressed your lips together tightly. "It's fine Spence. I'm alright with it."

"I don't think you are."

"Spencer," you said, a hint of warning in your voice, "You want to help, I get it. But not with this. Okay?"

It was an unspoken thing, the way Spencer always seemed to know when you needed space and when you needed someone to push just a little. He respected your boundaries, but there were moments—like this one—when his concern slipped through the cracks.

He sat across from you in that quiet cafe, watching you. You couldn’t tell if he was waiting for you to speak or if he was just giving you the time to process, as he always did.

It had been a rough case, yes, but that wasn’t why you were still here, staring into your coffee like it held all the answers.

Your eyes flickered up to meet his. He was still staring at you, quietly, as if he could see past your walls.

"Spence," you said, your voice quieter than you intended, "I’m fine. Really."

He didn’t respond immediately. His hand rested on the edge of the table, and you could see him fiddling with his fingers. That subtle nervousness he only ever seemed to show when he wasn’t sure what to say, but he knew he needed to say something.

"I don't believe you," he murmured, his voice soft but insistent. “I’ve seen you too many times to believe that everything’s okay, especially when it’s not. You’ve been holding it in, and I know that—"

"Spencer—" you started, but you were too late. He was already talking over you, his voice getting faster.

"Please. I just want to make sure you're alright, okay?" He sighed, his eyes briefly darting away before looking back at you. “I just... I care about you."

Everything felt very... loud. Too loud.

He looked at you expectantly, almost uncertain. Maybe, just maybe, he was waiting for you to make the first move.

You cleared your throat. God, you really hated moments like this, when everything inside you seemed to tremble at the prospect of just being honest.

His hand shifted on the table, and before you could stop it, you had reached out to touch his fingers. It was the smallest of gestures—barely noticeable—but it was enough.

For a long moment, you simply looked at each other, the conversation hanging in the air. There was so much unspoken between you, so much left unsaid. Maybe that was the problem.

Before you could stop yourself, the words spilled out of you, quicker than you could catch them. "I love you."

Spencer's face went completely still, his eyes wide as he processed your confession.

You had not meant to say that. You didn’t. It was an accident. You weren’t ready. You weren’t ready to put that kind of pressure on this, on him, on whatever this was.

But the words had slipped out anyway. You stared at him, feeling the heat rise in your face, hoping the ground would swallow you up.

"Sorry-God, I'm sorry," you quickly got up and rushed out of the cafe.

He just sits there. Frozen.

If you could pick one moment to rewind, it would be this one.

Oh, you fucked up big time.

~~~

You had never been more ready to get home, but unfortunately, there was an hour and thirty minutes on the private plane. With him.

Usually, you would spend an entire flight, after a case well done, talking to Spence. But after yesterday? But not this time. Maybe not ever.

You could feel Spencer’s presence beside you, but he was quiet. So quiet. Not the usual playful banter, no sudden bursts of random trivia or observations. It was almost like he was giving you space... or maybe he was just too uncomfortable to say anything.

Your eyes flickered to him once, twice, each time hoping for some indication of what he was thinking. He was staring out the window, a far-off look in his eyes, his fingers curled loosely around a book in his lap. For a moment, you almost felt the pull to apologize again, but the last thing you wanted to do was make him feel obligated to comfort you. You had put your foot in it already. Now, it was time to ride this out and pray it didn't become permanently awkward.

But Spencer, as always, was unpredictable.

"You don’t have to apologize," he said, his voice quiet, but it still carried across the cabin, cutting through the engine's hum.

You stiffened, eyes fixed on your lap. Had you been that obvious?

"I wasn’t going to," you said, a little too defensively.

He didn’t respond right away. You could feel him looking at you, the weight of his gaze making you want to curl into yourself.

“You know I care about you, right?” He said it so gently, like he wasn’t sure how you were going to take it.

You felt your chest tighten. Care about you. Those words. He was still speaking, still looking at you, but it was hard to focus on his words because everything was spinning around that one sentence.

"I do," you replied. You had to stop yourself from saying more—there was more you wanted to say, needed to say—but you couldn’t. Not yet. Not until you figured out where your head was at, where you both were at.

Spencer shifted in his seat. He didn’t look hurt, but there was something in the way he held himself. Maybe he was just holding back, afraid to push too hard, afraid of what that push might break.

You finally took a breath and turned to face him. He was still watching you, his expression a mix of concern and... something else. It was the something else that had you questioning everything.

"You don’t have to say anything," you added quickly, "I just...said something stupid. I didn’t mean to make things weird."

Spencer didn’t break his gaze, but a small smile tugged at the corner of his lips. Not his usual goofy grin, but something softer. More real. Something... intimate.

"It’s not weird," he said, his voice still quiet, "You’re not the only one who gets nervous around here, you know."

You blinked at him, genuinely confused. "What do you mean?"

His smile flickered, a small laugh escaping him before he adjusted his posture and leaned back in his seat. He seemed less tense, more at ease, "I’m just saying... I’ve had my own share of... feelings. I just didn’t know how to... deal with them."

Your breath caught in your throat. Spencer had feelings? For you?

The question hovered between you like an unspoken truth, but it seemed too risky to ask outright. Instead, you glanced down at your hands, the heat rising in your face.

And then, finally, you said something else, the words coming out quieter than you intended: "Do you think... we can just... forget it happened?"

You almost expected him to shrug it off, to offer a playful remark about how awkward it was or how maybe you'd both laugh about it someday. But he didn’t do that.

"No," he said softly. "I think maybe... we should talk about it. When we’re ready."

Your heart fluttered. Was this... was this him telling you he was ready? That maybe he wanted to figure it out too? Or was this Spencer, as usual, just giving you a window to process everything at your own pace?

You weren’t sure. You weren’t sure of anything. But you couldn’t deny the weight of his words, the connection that had always been there and that seemed to grow stronger the more time you spent together.

"I’m not great at talking about feelings," you admitted, looking over at him sheepishly.

Spencer chuckled softly, a breath of amusement. "Yeah, I’ve noticed."

You gave him a sidelong glance, your lips twitching into a reluctant grin. “Smartass.”

"Hey, you started it," he teased, finally breaking the tension just a little. "And I’ll finish it. But not right now. I think... we both need time to think."

You nodded slowly. He was right. You both needed time. The last thing either of you needed was to make rash decisions while emotions were still running high.

"You’re not mad?" You asked it before you could stop yourself, the doubt creeping in.

"Mad? Why would I be mad?" Spencer’s face was open and sincere.

"I don’t know. I just..." You didn’t finish your sentence. What was there to say? How could you explain the mess of emotions you were still trying to sort out?

He reached out across the seat, almost as if he was testing the waters, and placed a hand gently on yours. The touch was brief, but it sent a spark of warmth through you.

"I’m not mad," he said again, more firmly this time. "Not for that."

You were both quiet for the rest of the flight, but the silence between you felt different—more like an understanding, like a promise that when the time was right, you’d figure it out together.

It wasn't the one moment you would pick to stay in forever, but it was a moment you didn't mind being in for the rest of the flight.

[maximumzombiecreator]

Sorry for my ignorance but why is calling bottom surgery "the surgery" bad?

I'm not sure why I'm getting this question, but I don't mind answering.

For me, "The Surgery" as a term reflects a common cis misunderstanding of transition. In cis representations of transition, even very well-meaning ones, transition is something that happens in a hospital. A man enters the hospital, has The Surgery and emerges a woman, which is a function of genitals. But for most trans people who get bottom surgery, it's one of the last parts of transition. To even get bottom surgery where I live, I must have been living full time as my gender for at least a year.

There's no single trans experience, so I can only speak for mine, but for me transition doesn't happen on an operating table. It happens in quiet, difficult conversations and big, scary social outings. It happens in pill bottles, and appointments, and tiny little changes. It happens in clothing purchases, and makeup tutorials, and relearning what's expected of me, and complex feelings when looking in the mirror. And many trans people will say that that's not their experience at all, which is valid, but I think very few will say that it happened when they got The Surgery.

Like, for my transition at least, The Surgery isn't even the most important surgery.

And this is all pretty obvious. Like, if you try to imagine the trans experience at all, it will swiftly become obvious that your genitals just don't really impact your day-to-day life that much. And the thing is, cis people do understand this on some level. You can tell because of how scared they are of people who have transitioned without The Surgery.

One of the most common ways that trans women show up in media is that a cishet man finds a woman attractive, pursues her sexually, and then is shocked to find out she has a penis. And like, obviously that woman has transitioned. She is living as a woman, she's being perceived as a woman, she's even passing for cis. But she hasn't had The Surgery and thus she's not a real woman for the only thing that matters: being sexually available to cishet men in a way that doesn't require them to challenge their understanding of either themselves or of gender more generally.

So, that's why I cringe at the term "The Surgery." It reflects an understanding of transition that focuses on something that matters very little to me, but matters enormously to cishet men perceiving me, that reduces me to my genitals and my sexual availability, and that actively avoids empathizing with me and my experience.

Obviously, other peoples' experiences will vary, and other trans people may have far more bottom dysphoria, and a thousand other caveats. But any time I hear the term used unironically, it tells me that the person is focusing on transness primarily as a function of genitals, rather than what's really important: the ability to double jump.

[deesseshesca]

PAC : How can I make sure my glow-up STAYS REAL ?

You will be ... POPULAR

ALL READING ON SALE (70% OFF)

PILE 1

To keep your glow-up authentic, focus on letting go of the need to always feel something big to feel fulfilled. When you’ve lived life on the edge, it’s easy to get used to the thrill and expect that every moment needs to be intense or exciting. But now that you've built a stable life, part of the glow-up is learning to embrace the calm and find meaning in it.

Instead of searching for that next adrenaline rush, start exploring the little things that bring peace, joy, and grounding. You’ve already proven that you can thrive in chaos, but the real challenge is letting yourself be happy in the quiet, simple moments—because that’s where your glow-up will actually stick.

EXTENTED + MOODBOARD

2) Wanna know the love story the universe has for you? 💫 In 8 parts, I spill all: first meet, first kiss, confession, sexy time, and more. Don’t miss out! 👀💖 (LINK)

3) ALL READING ON SALE (70% OFF) (Recent review 🎀)

PILE 2

To keep your glow-up solid, focus on checking in with yourself and embracing rest over rushing. Think of it like taking a step back to make sure you're not forcing anything that doesn’t feel like you. It’s easy to get caught up in what everyone else says a glow-up should look like, but the real flex is making sure it’s for you and not for clout.

If you start feeling like you’re chasing a vibe that doesn’t match your energy, slow down. Give yourself space to recharge and figure out what makes you feel genuinely happy and grounded. A real glow-up shines through when you’re at peace with yourself—not when you're pushing to prove something to others.

EXTENDED + MOODBOARD

2) Wanna know the love story the universe has for you? 💫 In 8 parts, I spill all: first meet, first kiss, confession, sexy time, and more. Don’t miss out! 👀💖 (LINK)

3) ALL READING ON SALE (70% OFF) (Recent review 🎀)

PILE 3

To keep your glow-up real, you’ve got to be willing to let go of the resistance. Right now, you might be holding onto this idea that things should stay the same, that if you let go of old habits, you’re somehow losing a part of yourself. But the truth is, glow-ups aren’t just about appearances—they’re about evolving.

Holding onto old routines and avoiding real change is like trying to paint over cracks without fixing them. You’re not that person who thrives in chaos anymore, and that’s okay. Embrace the fact that you’ve outgrown some things, and don’t be afraid to reset. Real growth happens when you’re open to adjusting, even if it’s uncomfortable.

EXTENDED + MOODBOARD

2) Wanna know the love story the universe has for you? 💫 In 8 parts, I spill all: first meet, first kiss, confession, sexy time, and more. Don’t miss out! 👀💖 (LINK)

3) ALL READING ON SALE (70% OFF) (Recent review 🎀)

[omg-snakes]

Ugh my spotted python bit me today. Hes my first snake and I feel bad he’s getting all my newbie mistakes but he’s done really well with handling and this is the first time I just don’t know what happened? I know they don’t bite out of the blue but I had taken him outside and he was very relaxed in my arms with his head on my shoulder, I stepped off the porch so he could feel some sun and made sure to keep his head in the shade and after a few seconds he moves around to the front of me and just slams my lip. Obviously it’s not bad I’m just so frustrated and feel like every step forward has like three back. And maybe he just doesn’t want to be handled that would be ok but he seems so good and happy to explore most of the time. I have looked into choice based handling but he never wants to wake up and come out of his hides during the day but he always is relaxed once he is out.

Aw, I'm so sorry you got tagged. That sounds like it was really jarring. Please don't be discouraged, though. Snake keeping is a journey, not a destination, and though it may feel like you're not making good progress, every experience is an opportunity to learn and grow with your pet.

Spotted pythons are nocturnal, so he may have been startled by the sudden sunshine and warmth and either mistook you for a predator or a snack. Bites are disheartening (and a bite in the face doubly so!) but it's part of snake ownership. We will all take a chomp at some point.

I once had my leucistic Texas rat snake on my lap while I was reading and I guess he fell asleep at some point, and when I moved my arm I must have startled him awake because he freaked out and tagged me out of nowhere. I was shocked and a bit hurt in the moment, and I totally get how you're feeling. It's nobody's fault. These are animals and sometimes they react to stimuli we think are pretty benign in ways we didn't expect!

If you're going to implement choice-based handing, it'll likely only happen after the sun has gone down. It might be good to try to interact on his terms for a while, as late in the day as you can and in low-light situations. He's less likely to be a butt if he's up and active during the part of his natural rhythm when he's most alert.

I mean, imagine having somebody pull you out of bed at 3am and shine a flashlight with the power of the sun at you. Even if it wasn't right in your eyes, you might be a touch irritable!

I hope that the two of you can find some common ground and that you are able to build more confidence as a keeper. Forgive yourself when you make mistakes, as you so quickly forgave him when he bit you. I know spotted pythons are considered a decent beginner species but I've definitely found them more challenging than some of the other options.

At the end of the day you're just two completely different animals trying to understand each other, and that's pretty cool.

[tomorrowxtogether]

TAEHYUN: “I wish happiness for the people who made me feel happy”

TOMORROW X TOGETHER The Star Chapter: SANCTUARY comeback interview

2024.11.14

TAEHYUN never speaks in a roundabout way. The idol doesn’t mince words, and there’s something tender about that.

You spent some alone time at the Hangang River a little while back. What do you do when you go there? TAEHYUN: I buy my choice of drink, a caramel macchiato, and go in search of serenity while I sip it to get the taste of sweetness on my tongue and take in the peaceful scenery with my eyes. It doesn’t really inspire me so much as it just sort of feels restorative. I just feel good when I do that.

You’re probably so busy that you only get little bits of time here and there, but what would you want to do if you could carve some free time out of your busy schedule? TAEHYUN: I’d have some of that serenity I just mentioned, and work out, too. I’d probably just do the same things I do in tiny bursts now but be more relaxed about it. Right now I exercise when I have little breaks, like when I’m done for the day.

It seems like working out’s pretty much a part of your routine. TAEHYUN: It’s so routine for me now that sometimes I don’t even know why I’m doing it. It’s like how gym rats work out with no end goal. (laughs) It’s helpful for my posture since I start hunching over if I haven’t worked out in a while, and anyway, if I go straight home after work, I feel like I haven’t done enough. (laughs) I like how it keeps me ready to go and makes me feel productive.

You even keep it up when you’re on tour, running to stay in shape or working on your abs for “Tinnitus (Wanna be a rock).” TAEHYUN: We did around 30 shows and I showed off my abs every time. (laughs) I showed them once on tour in Seoul and then I thought people might feel left out if I skipped it anywhere else. I started getting more into food somewhere down the road so they’re slowly disappearing, but I’m trying to keep them around one way or another. (laughs) It hasn’t been easy. I make myself run until I’m out of breath when we’re on tour because it challenges me in the exact same way as performing. I don’t know if it really helps since I’ve never not done it and therefore don’t have data on it, but I believe it does.

Boxing, on the other hand, seems like something you’ve kept up a long time not for keeping in shape but just for fun. TAEHYUN: Boxing isn’t something where you can slow down when you get tired. If your opponent ups their pace, you have to, too—but you’re just as much an obstacle to them. If you’re not fighting for a title or to make it into a competition, then there’s no risk of getting hurt, so it’s a great way to break a sweat and get in some cardio. You hear sports like these called chess played with the body. Even if you’re not as good as your opponent in some ways, you’ve still got a shot at winning. What makes it so enticing is how you have to hone your skills in order to be powerful.

What does it mean to you to be powerful? TAEHYUN: It means a lot of different things. There’s some boxers who are strong for their weight class, and some who can shut out the crowd when they’re on their opponent’s home turf and win. I think it’s partially mental like that. There’s people who make a plan and work toward their goal, avoiding any obstacles standing in their way—people who don’t fall apart.

It feels like that’s your approach to your work in some regards. TAEHYUN: I’d say so too. Those are the kinds of people who get up in front of tons of people at the pro level. We’re similar in that we get up onstage and show everybody what we’ve got after working at it for a while.

How do you find touring after working at it for a while? It’s been about two years since you resumed in-person touring. TAEHYUN: It feels really overwhelming at first. When you find out how many shows there are, where you’re going, and get the set list, it’s seriously … (laughs) I mean, obviously there’s fun parts, but you’re running in an unflattering way to get through the walkways underneath, and sometimes you just feel like, Let’s get it done, or, Time to go change—I will survive. Then there’s parts where time flies, especially when you first get a mic in your hand. It’s all about jumping around and having fun together. Going around and getting hyped with the audience happens spontaneously. That’s when it gets exciting.

I found what you said about your first online fanlive event on weverse LIVE really memorable: “When the camera’s not on me, there’s nowhere to see me. It was crushing.” TAEHYUN: That was a really weird period, since now there was no way for people to know what I was up to when the camera wasn’t on me. But there’s always somebody looking right at me when we do shows in person. In those cases, I have to be capturing the mood of the songs at all times, and I can’t tuck my clothes in right away if I need to or rub my eye if something gets in there. There’s a lot more I have to pay attention to, but they’re all minor things. I’m always going to feel grateful as long as people are watching me.

You also put a lot of effort in for the tour in regard to your vocals, right? You seem to keep challenging yourself and experimenting in your own unique way. TAEHYUN: Yeah, totally. (laughs) I make minute adjustments, like, How can I make this easier? How can I increase my chances of success? How can I minimize damage to my throat? I try to feel how my body changes every time I do. Even for the sound, I’m in direct communication with them to try and get things right during rehearsals. When you’re recording vocals, you can do it over and over to get it right, but you’ve got people watching you at a concert, so you have to be confident you can keep your vocals steady 10 out of 10 times. I asked our producer Slow Rabbit once if we could bring the key down so it wouldn’t be so hard to sing so hard live (laughs) but eventually it worked out anyway. There’s nothing you can’t do if you just practice. If I can’t do it, it means I didn’t try hard enough. Anything is possible.

You sing several ad libs in The Star Chapter: SANCTUARY that give a real sense of your vocal style. Do you feel like you’ve developed your own style while recording vocals now? TAEHYUN: Recording feels more familiar to me now, and the producer and I can practically read each other’s thoughts now, so it's a completely stress-free experience. But there’s one thing that’s always on my mind. I love so many different genres. I love knowing their histories, singing them, and listening to them. But choosing what suits me is a huge challenge. I’m confident I could handle anything they throw at me to 70 or 80% quality, but there’s nothing I feel confident I could do at 100%. I don’t really know if I’m doing a good job of finding my own style, but knowing people can pick out your voice is something that makes any singer happy and appreciative. It’s a really good sign.

I personally felt like only you could pull of the “Forty One Winks” intro. TAEHYUN: We recorded that in Japan during the tour, and before the parts were assigned, I heard the song and asked the producer if I could do the first verse. I said I’d crush it. (laughs) So he said okay and I got to do it, and on the first day of recording, I immediately nailed it. I felt confident about that part: This is how it should go.

You’ve also been writing lyrics for a while now. How’d it go with this new album? TAEHYUN: I have a lot I want to write whenever I think of something that would be really fun for TOMORROW X TOGETHER to sing. The idea behind “Danger” is sort of cliché, but we hadn’t done something like that before so that actually made it fun. What was unusual this time was that we were out of the country so I couldn’t take my preferred approach of opening up a bunch of windows on the monitor in the studio and writing on my phone. It was a new experience for me to not settle down in one place and write. I wrote “Danger” on a plane, “Resist (Not Gonna Run Away)” in a car. I have a tendency to drag things out when I’m in the studio sometimes, but when I’m on the go, I end up writing faster sometimes because I feel like I have to get it all down before arriving—like the ETA’s now the deadline. (laughs)

The lead single “Over The Moon” has a more straightforward message than previous songs. How did you capture your interpretation of the song? You strike me as someone who really needs to understand what they’re singing. TAEHYUN: It’s way more straightforward, but there’s still one line I’d like to hear MOA’s interpretations of: “Let’s make an ancient future.” I need their help because I’m curious how listeners feel about it. (laughs) I guess “Over The Moon” is first and foremost about feeling good. Visually, the sense of freedom is important. I also hope anyone who sees it feels like we’re steady and talented—so much that it’s like, Huh? They’re so eye-catching—I can’t stop thinking about them! If people feel like, These guys are so uplifting—who are they?, at the end of our performance, I’d say it’s a big success. We have to bring out the subtle allure to achieve that. The vocals need to be so good they sound fluid and flexible, and the choreo flawless.

Doesn’t trying to have that kind of allure make it that much harder? TAEHYUN: It’s way harder. (laughs) We reduced the amount of group dancing and filled that time with individual choreo instead, which took a lot of work. All group choreo takes is good stamina and a lot of rehearsal time—this approach takes exploration and gut feeling into what makes it look cool. I think we’ve reached that point in our career now. It’s something people who perform 30 shows at a time can do. (laughs)

You’ve always been the type to practice as hard as you can and just as confidently say so. Is that the case for this album, too? TAEHYUN: Yes.

You sound very sure of yourself! (laughs) TAEHYUN: I put in everything I’ve got within the time available. That’s something I feel I should do. It’s just one of those obvious things. I feel a huge weight off focusing like that. Doing my best means putting my heart and soul into it until I feel that nothing will change no matter what might happen. That’s what doing my best means, I think.

That’s something only someone who has poured everything they have into their work can say. What’s there waiting at the end of all that hard work? TAEHYUN: I chose this path because I love being onstage and love singing, and now I’ve achieved that, but there are times when it becomes necessary to have goals. I want to set loftier goals—I want to do and reach for lots of things under the name TOMORROW X TOGETHER—the five of us and MOA together. There’s a lot I need to uphold for the fans, like sharing feelings and promises. We didn’t pinky promise, but still. (laughs) I want to keep going with our group for a long time, and in order for that to happen, people need to keep checking us out, which gives me a sense of certainty. Having some goals and achieving them lets us feel like we’re really doing a good job and heading in the right direction.

You’ve been with the other members for eight years now, which is over a third of your life. TAEHYUN: That’s true. And I’ve known YEONJUN for nine years. Now, even when we’re working out how to move, we don’t need to say much—like, “Two? Three?” That’s how we ask whether to stand at the second or third marker on the stage. We’ve reached a point where we can talk entirely in nouns.

I could sense how close you are in episode 144 of TO DO X TXT, “Abandoned Stars,” when the older members were being protective of you even though they were equally scared. (laughs) TAEHYUN: I felt there was still kindness in the world in that moment. (laughs) SOOBIN saying, “He can’t do it alone,” and YEONJUN said, “Don’t send him in by himself.” (laughs) We know each other so well that we don’t hide anything. Working with people who you get along with that well is an absolute blessing. It’s a good thing, too, since we spend more time with each other than our own families. It wasn’t easy to get there, though. (laughs) I don’t mean to be blunt, but we first came together to work together, meaning there were conflicts, and it took some time to figure out what didn’t work. Sometimes I even felt it’d be easier to go alone, but now doing it alone is challenging.

You even brought YEONJUN a lunch you made for him when he went to do a pre-recording to promote “GGUM.” TAEHYUN: I know one thing for sure: I think I’m extremely attentive toward the other members, and I’m always monitoring their performances. Maybe if it were one of the other members, I would’ve expressed how much I care in a different way, but for YEONJUN, I thought it would be best if I went there in person. He finds that kind of thing touching. (laughs) I was worried because he loves to eat and yet he probably couldn’t eat properly and would just be eating fast food from the store. I just happened to be free, so I dropped by, gave it to him, and came back to get some sleep. (laughs) Only love can make that possible.

You’re really good about showing the people around you how much you care. TAEHYUN: I’m actually not close with that many people. There’s people I care for, or see all the time, or do stuff with, and I feel like, even if I put in the time and effort, it still requires a lot of opening up and communication. That’s what the people in my life mean to me. With the group, I feel like it has to be that way to end up with better results and build trust. That means that sometimes when we’re talking together, we’re not just saying nice things. If all you’re looking to do is keep things roughly as they are, you could get away with saying nice things exclusively, but sometimes you just have to say or hear unpleasant things.

That could honestly be hard to handle, but it’s love that keeps you going, isn’t it? TAEHYUN: It’s important how I express things, but I think it’s also important what the other members think of me. If they’re working with the knowledge that I’m saying those things out of love, they wouldn’t think it’s absurd. It’d just be nagging otherwise. (laughs) It takes a lot of effort from everyone involved.

But you have nothing but love when it comes to MOA. I randomly saw how one time while YEONJUN was doing pre-recording, you talked about how  MOA’s wait times need to be shortened. TAEHYUN: I hope our fans can have the best fan experience possible. I felt like it’d be better if we came back out a little sooner in the space between songs to talk. Spending a little extra time on fixing ourselves up doesn’t really make us look that much better, I mean. (laughs) I told our staff, “We should hurry out there,” and I guess they listened. (laughs)

You also left a comment on weverse saying, “Wishing other people happiness is one of the ways I’ve found happiness myself.” I’m guessing you had an experience that led you to feel that way. TAEHYUN: When I meet fans, sometimes they say things like, “You saved my life.” Honestly, all I could do was do my best with singing, put out some albums, and get up onstage. I think maybe the reason they say it that way is because getting to know TOMORROW X TOGETHER and seeing us brings out positive feelings for them. I thought that wishing happiness for the same people who made me feel happy and wishing the best for them would send more positive vibes back their way again. I think that moment really hit me.

[reynardwrites]

originally written after ep 2

this post holds up shockingly well, especially in the context of the conversation Oz and Sofia have in their final car ride.

Sofia didn't see him. She didn't see his ambition, she didn't see his resentment, she didn't see his desperation. To crib some terminology from @maxwell-grant in the ep 7 breakdown, in her mind she was a victim who knew what it was like to have a boot on her neck and he was a victimizer who didn't. Maybe there was a moment she could have learned that in ep 3, but after Oz's immediate betrayal, I think everything he said in that scene got filed away in her head as self serving bullshit.

Which it was, to be clear.

But that doesn't mean it wasn't true.

This whole show, Sofia has been pretty blind to her own privilege, and so she thought of herself as the only one who was so hurt and desperate that she would resort to extreme measures to get out from under someone's thumb. But what Oz convinces the deputies to do, to kill their own bosses... that's literally the move Sofia makes, gassing the family so she becomes boss by elimination.

She didn't see it. Not because she doesn't know what it's like to be downtrodden, but because it didn't occur to her that other people might feel the same way, and about her.

She does now, I think. Whether she is able to internalize it, whether she will act on it, whether there's even a chance for her to change, god knows, I guess we'll find out in Batman 2 or a Catwoman miniseries or whenever we next see Sofia (fingers crossed it's sooner rather than later)

Oz, though... Oz didn't really get her, early in the show. And strangely, I don't think he gets her now, even at the end. "You think I don't understand that," she asks, and, yeah. It seems so. Oz knows how to hurt her in the worst way possible. But I don't know that he really grasps what makes her tick.

When I first watched the finale, this felt like kind of a weird choice. These two have spent the whole show as rivals and foils and it just felt wrong to have this final scene between them where they just talk and have it end with Oz just. Still not getting her.

I think I've come around to it now. I've mentioned before I see Sofia and Oz as being really twinned characters, each having in abundance what the other lacks, and through that lens, this feels really fitting.

By the time she steps out of that car, Sofia understands Oz because she understands herself, sees the way that he has felt how she has felt, how he stoked that same pain in others and made it into his strength.

And Oz doesn't understand Sofia, because he doesn't understand himself. He can't. Oz is so deep in layers and layers and layers of denial and self delusion, he has to walk away from any possibility of really seeing Sofia because if he understood her, he would have to understand the truth about himself.

If Oz were to acknowledge Sofia as someone who was in pain, who was hurt, who was victimized, he would also have to admit to himself that he hurt her, and doesn't give a shit. That there is no real justification in all the justified evil he commits, that he's not a man of the people, he's just a man out for himself.

I find something weirdly satisfying about that, personally. Oz is the most talented bullshitter in Gotham, so much so that even he buys into the shit he spews—it feels right that it is Sofia, whose core and weapon has always been truth and honesty and self awareness, who sees through his bullshit so clearly that he cannot even look at her without his sense of self being challenged.

absolutely obsessed with sofia and oz both seriously underestimating each other, and specifically buying into the public opinion everyone has of them.

like nadia, sofia thinks of oswald as an innate follower, a dog looking for a strong leader who will rise to the top and bring him up along. Even seeing through his manipulations after the maroni raid, she thinks he's trying to ride her coattails, and it doesn't occur to her that he might be so greedy as to want to take everything for himself.

and like the other falcones, oswald doesn't seem to see sofia as anything other than a loose canon he can point and shoot. he's so focused on finding which buttons of hers to press he doesn't even seem to realize he's exposing himself and his methods to her. He's a short con grifter, and sofia is exactly the kind of perceptive that can pull his bullshit apart piece by piece as time goes on.

ngl i am so keen to see how this relationship develops uaghghghgh i want it to be next week already.

[scarletsky153]

that one crack fic

thinking about writing a jjk crack fic in which nobara, yuuji (and sukuna) and megumi are satoru-suguru-shoko's senpai and the trio (plus sukuna!) are the reason why yaga-sensei shaved his hair (from stress!!)

(a bit backstory)

nobara's backstory was mostly the same, and also because she has sukuna as her reluctant mentor she was even more unhinge and crazy and definitely can keep up with yuuji and megumi during their shenaningas.

yuuji ate sukuna's finger(s) when he's way smaller, like probably six or seven, so sukuna has YEARS of dealing with humanity (thank god for uraume). during those years, itadori jin was also still alive and well (even tho kaori/kenjaku already gone their way outta their lives) so sukuna, recognizing jin's soul as his twin brother, reluctantly becoming yuuji's babysitter. when the sorcerers found out that sukuna was finally reincarnated around yuuji's 14th birthday, they met with deadpanned but deadly 'fuck around and find out' stare from sukuna bcs "i was here for years already, i have zero patience to deal with you fools because i have to deal with them (yuuji, jin, and wasuke)' shenanigans" which yeah, fine, no one can challenge sukuna anyway so they pressure yuuji into attending jujutsu high while also consuming sukuna's fingers as long as he didn't go on rampage and killing everyone.

megumi on the other hand,,, mamagumi was still alive and well, she's actually from a minor jujutsu clan and so when megumi show his ten shadows technique toji decided the safest way is to strongarmed himself into becoming zen'in clan's head (or at least kill the current clan elders) and pressure them into making megumi the clan heir. toji already got the reputation of being the Sorcerer Killer even tho most of his kills are curse user. megumi's strenght definitely came from toji but mamagumi is where he got his steel of spine. so for nearly a decade, the zen'in family closed their family home and had some 'modernization' and that's why megumi barely knew satoru (despite the latter being gojo's clan heir).

during nobara-yuuji-megumi's first year (with yuta-maki-toge-panda as their second year senpais and hakari-kirara as their third year senpais!) they definitely gave yaga headache bcs the three got the nastiest luck and their missions mostly got derailed in the weirdest way. but the higher ups never really messed them bcs sukuna, after finding all of his fingers and thus got his own body at the end of the trio's first year, are very (reluctantly) protective of them.

when they got to second year, they never met satoru-shoko-suguru at the beginning bcs just a few days before the year started they somehow got derailed into another universe (and went universes-hopping and getting into crazy shenanigans!). the only reason why yaga (and kusakabe as their second year sensei) didn't fret is because uraume and tengen reassure them that the trio and sukuna are fine, but probably causing chaos in another universes.

shoko, as someone from a minor clan, has heard all of the gossip about their absent senpais but she didn't really pay attention to them because she thought they're too wild to be true (but mostly true). suguru, as someone from a mundane family, didn't know what to think about their absent senpais because he can accept the existence of curses and curse energy but surely universe-hopping are too crazy and science-fiction? satoru on the other hand, very much envy his senpais because he want to go on an adventure to a different universe too! also he's curious about their strength because from what he heard from the rumor mill, the three senpais are strong, tho definitely not the strongest like him.

(the sashisu trio already met their third year senpais, and for satoru it was a bewildering experience bcs what do you mean the timid okkotsu yuta is a special grade?? wait he's my distant relative?! maki zen'in didn't have curse energy and can't see curses?! but she's strong as fuck, yeah definitely trained by the Sorcerer Killer himself. a very good influence for shoko tho, and suguru def hit it off with yuta and they have some tea every once in a while like old men)

the trio plus sukuna finally come back just before the kyoto-tokyo goodwill events, which also how sashisu met the first year arata nitta, the second year kokichi muta, kasumi miwa, and noritoshi kamo, the third year mai zenin, momo nishimiya, and aoi todo aka yuuji's so called brother. the fourth years student, utahime and mei mei, even tho they can't participate they still come and meet the other students and hanging out with hikari and kirara as the other fourth years.

on day one of the event, a portal opened up on the school's ground when the others are already gathered around. shocked, they stand guard and got ready to attack but a few seconds later a familiar shout was heard and those who were familiar with the voice relaxed. nue flew in, nobara on her back, while they can see yuuji ran closer to the portal with megumi on his shoulder.

nobara : "faster guys, the portal brought us home!"

sukuna from a distance : "fucking finally!"

megumi : "sukuna, stop fighting them and come here quickly before the portal get closed!"

the other people stand still in shock, yuuji and megumi finally come through the portal, with sukuna suddenly appear behind them and push them quickly, making them tumble down with nobara too.

nobara : "thank god for tengen-sama because we're finally home!"

sukuna : "i'm fucking done with you brats, don't bother me for the next three years or there will be blood!"

yuuji, oblivious to how others see them : "no way! you told us you're gonna teach us the healing thing after we got home!"

yaga, done with everything : "so you finally back, huh?!"

yaga then scolded them in front of the others, while sashisu who just met them and still feel very shocked about everything can only just watch as their senpais, who looked very different and more mature than from the pictures, being scolded by their teacher while the being with huge pressure that can only be sukuna crossed all of his four arms and growled at everyone.

because of this very shocking event, the opening of the goodwill event got pushed for a day so the second year trio can rest a bit. they chatted instead, bringing sukuna into the fold too.

todo : "brother, what happened to your face?!"

maki : "kugisaki, what happened to your eyes?!"

satoru : "heyyy heard you're really sukuna the king of curses, how about we fight for a bit to see who's stronger?!"

sukuna, laughing meanly : "ah, you six eyes users are all the same even after a thousand years. yeah no, brat, ask me again when your power get more mature."

so satoru very much determined to fight sukuna, tried and failed to flirt with megumi bcs he's very much taken by yuuji and nobara, tried to flirt with sukuna instead but got flat out no because "you're still underage, what the fuck?!" while suguru laugh meanly at him at every rejection but also sadly weep himself while satoru and shoko laugh bcs he got rejected by mai zen'in. shoko instead mooned over her very much amazing and beautiful and strong senpais aka maki and nobara, and the girls taught shoko everything they knew.

when nanami and yuu start at jujutsu high, sashisu are more stable mentally bcs their senpais influence, and also crazier bcs they're not afraid of a lot of shits especially after sukuna got attach to them and reluctantly help them with a lot of shits.

in the end, yuu didn't die, suguru didn't defected, and satoru wasn't burdened by the title of the strongest alone but instead got a lot of comrades around him that also share his vision of a better jujutsu society. there's more chaos and even more universe-traveling shenanigans but this timeline is probs ended up better than other universe they visited.

--

(there's still a lot of shits i wanna write about them but maybe someday.......)

[an-ruraiocht]

the post i reblogged about fast fashion just reminded me that

a) i have had my raincoat since 2016

b) my raincoat is significantly past its best in ways that cannot be solved with additional waterproofing spray, and also doesn't fit me very well anymore

c) my winter coat, while reasonably warm, is not waterproof, and also doesn't fit very well in a completely different way, and is black which is not good when you are a cycle commuter cos they can't see you

d) all of these combine to mean i keep looking covetously at waterproof insulated coats in tesco even though they are definitely unsustainably produced and also not that good bc that's where my substandard winter coat is from

concluded i should thoughtfully invest in a new, warmer raincoat before i get tempted into buying another shit coat or spend the whole winter cold and wet

went to passenger bc i bought a fleece and trousers from them a few months back and have basically not worn anything else all summer (and thy seem to have reasonably good sustainability credentials, as far as is possible with mostly-synthetic outdoor clothing). found an insulated raincoat in their outlet section discounted 60% to make it almost affordable. and it's partially ORANGE

remembered my rucksack also sucks because it's too small, black, and not waterproof (and doesn't have side pockets for my cane or my water bottle), and my old one that was not too small or black but also not waterproof has well and truly fallen apart after serving me faithfully since i was about 16. well, since i'm here... oh look they have a rucksack in the outlet section as well. AND IT'S ORANGE

god i love it when i can get things that are orange

anyway that's my clothing/accessory purchases for the rest of the year. i hope they're good.

[deus-ex-mona]

ngl i thought that zakenna was going to be an mv set some time in idol sengen s1 before the mv dropped. like, her frustrations could’ve been a reference to her post-first concert flop era, her rival mentions could’ve been referring to lxl and/or asuna, and all the underdog mentions could also have been a reference or two to how she was a complete nobody at the start of her career…

and there was also doromizu line no. 1 from the tv arc which sealed the misconcepton deal s o b s

[tankgotstuckinthecircusgate]

i know that when carlo suddenly decided that he needs to marry guy made a whole list in his head n like had a deadlines n shit. like it was some kind of a task he needed to do

[pulchrasilva]

I am clearly much more insane about ursula le guin than either I or anyone else bargained for

[nohara-rin-dot-mp3]

"oh sakura is the rin of team 7 cuz they're both gealers" "naruto is the rin of team 7 cuz they're both optimistic" WRONG sasuke is the rin of team 7 on account of they both equate "having goals" with "being a person."

[skydigiblogs]

oughhh i was plagued by ghost game related thoughts today. this is messy and disorganized and a lot so don't mind me gbdsfhgbdjfg

it's been like half a year or so since i finished watching it so this is mostly unprompted and like

i do kind of wonder what would have happened with ghost game if instead of a bigger focus on purely pick up and go scooby doo shit, they were willing to tell an overarching story with the elements they had

i think i enjoyed it so much if only because it gave us something we hadn't seen much of to that point (that i'm now realizing is one of those things appmon heavily inspired in GG), that being digimon affecting technology in complex ways

(that's to say, not just bricking computers like giant magnets or making binary flash on the screen to ominous messages like makuramon does in tamers)

but like also digimon having more interactions with humans in general? just kind of hanging out and living in the human world? yeah the field exists and digimon can bworp in and out of being visible to humans without VBs, but they also live in a setting where they can mostly get away with just going "no yeah i'm just a very advanced hologram, dw about it :)"

i also refuse to get over the fact that gammamon is like, canonically plural, and i really wish we had more time with gulus after the finale ep reveals about him and the GRB shit.

also, i do wonder if maybe the series shot itself in the foot by not knowing what it wanted to do, plot wise? it gave us expectations in the first episode as an audience--- suggesting big and strange things to be delivered, and didn't seem to know how to really deliver on them while also trying to be that variety of scooby doo shit that doesn't have to have a throughline plot (aka, setting up a mystery inc style story when it's got a stated goal to be more like the original series)

i was still using reddit at the time GG started, and i remember a lot of people really wanting to hype it up as "the next tamers," especially after they saw the tone and structure of the first episode. in general, i wonder if high expectations put more scrutiny on GG than it might have otherwise gotten.

(this of course isn't to say that there's criticism to be had for GG. i mean i just said i personally have beef with its lack of narrative commitment. i'm just wondering if maybe some people got a little too excited to see a series that met the lofty nostalgia of something like tamers.)

anyways, idk, there's not really anywhere i'm going with this one, i just had some idle thoughts at work today about this series.

go read the gray matter ghost game fancomic or something (no i really have no clue why ghost game is on my mind, really)

[forcebookish]

one of the things that has me nonstop thinking about topmew is that they're actually a very unique type of couple in fiction but not in real life. in most fiction, people are always falling in love by accident. they meet, circumstances put them together, they're caught by surprise when they fall in love. but though both top and mew had never been in love before and didn't totally know what to expect, it wasn't a complete shock. they met through a mutual friend, they found each other attractive and interesting, so they decided to date. they fell in love because they went on dates and did romantic things together on purpose. i think neither of them expected to fall so hard, but still, the point of dating is to see if you're compatible and fall in love and maybe build a life together. and that's what they did.

i don't think that makes them boring, i think that makes them relatable! i think that makes them stand out from other fictional couples! you know, people claimed they wanted more realistic BLs, but for some reason when topmew came along, a ship based on a real life gay couple, they didn't like them?

[13eyond13]

.

[01tsubomi]

hi!! if you dont mind me asking, how did you manage to end up teaching in japan?? ive been researching but info online is so extense and overwhelming and i never have good answers....

hello!! first of all i wanna say i understand the stress - i applied to j/et first and was going to work on backups like int/erac and private hiring if that didn't work out and i'm always thankful that i didn't have to. honestly now that i'm here it feels funny that i stressed out so much during the application process bc i always find myself thinking "damn they'll let anyone in" (often about myself lmao). it can be really odd and unexplainable who j/et does and doesn't take but japan needs a lot of ALTs to keep the system going so if you've got the enthusiasm for it there's definitely a place for you!!

i would definitely recommend trying for j/et and int/erac first before worrying about the other options!! since j/et has the biggest reputation ofc there's the double-edged sword of it feeling the most prestigious and hard to get into but again they do hire a ton of candidates every year, plus it has the highest guaranteed pay and takes care of so much for you pre-departure. idk where you're at in life/when you'd plan on applying but if you wanna start the job as soon as possible, int/erac has pretty much a rolling application and their main recruiting cycle is for spring departures (while j/et won't start recruiting again til october, for departure in summer 2025). int/erac gives you a little less pay and a little less initial help, but it's still very reputable. int/erac ALTs also have a few more freedoms once you're in japan bc i believe int/erac has your school hire you directly intead of employing you to your city's board of education. so for example my BoO doesn't let ALTs commute by car, but int/erac ALTs and private hires don't have that restriction. knock on wood, if neither of those work out, there are lots of sites like gaijinpot posting private hire opportunities. i don't know about the competitiveness of those and they do often require you to sort out visa application or housing on your own, but opportunity is always out there! seriously though i wouldn't worry about that at first. that's the backup plan ace up your sleeve

in terms of what you can do to raise your chances of getting hired, again, i think the enthusiasm is the key!! people say the j/et interview is a glorified vibe check bc they've been known to reject people who sometimes seem overqualified for the position (maybe for good reason - the amount of responsibility you get and teaching you get to do is suuuuper variable and dependent on your school, and probably about ~1/3 of my work days every year i have no classes and little relevant work to do, if any). i don't have a background or certification in teaching but i did a lot of tutoring in college and minored in japanese so i had a lot to say about my passion for language education. i know j/et really loves the angle of "what will you get out of the position, and what will you give back" - i can tell you're excited about the idea of teaching in japan so i'm sure you already have your answers!! if you have hobbies related to japan it's good to explain how being in japan would help you continue them. or you can always research what you could do with your non-japan related hobbies in japan! i love cooking and i started taking classes at a chain studio that does a mix of japanese and worldwide cooking. again i know the hit-or-miss element of it is scary but really they just want friendly open-minded people who can share their culture, have enthusiasm about education and exchange, don't mind the hours/job restrictions, and are down to pack their bags and live in japan. if you have any other questions please ask!! i know this is random but i've helped a couple of friends with their applications so if you do want some extra eyes on a statement of purpose my inbox is always open!! cheering for you!! 🎉🎉