#and it was also one of the first ways I was introduced into lgbtqia+ content too because of seeing crona be canon nonbinary

[seaweedbraens]

Saw a recent ask of yours about percabeth was sidelined during BoO and totally agree. I've read all of WCWSTHWAS and I think you did a better job than rick at giving the new AND old characters their time to shine. What's your opinion on the new and old characters and their "screentime" through the series?

VERY interesting question - and thank you for the compliments! personally, i am struggling in my own fic to give every character their Moment. i think jason and piper got theirs, and hazel, leo, and frank will get theirs next chapter. i feel like percabeth's getting all the attention overall ahahaha, but i can't stop myself. i JUST LOVE THEM SO MUCH-

hoo is an interesting series. it's very hard to balance a story like that because the way rick did it, he introduced a new cast of characters while keeping the older fan faves (percy & annabeth) still VERY pivotal to the main plot. with this structure, he had the hard task of keeping the new characters fresh and interesting, while also having to make sure that he doesn't do a complete disservice to percy and annabeth, who are already well-known and incredibly loved within the fandom.

it's HARD. i am struggling with it right now, and i have a lot of respect for rick for accomplishing it (partially). i know i criticize rick a lot, but he hit a perfect balance with the first three books of hoo. tlh gave us good stuff from jason, leo, and piper with the PERFECT sprinkling of percy mentions and annabeth acting as a support. the son of neptune gave us all the percy content we were missing + 2 new characters with GREAT origin stories. the mark of athena gave us annabeth. and percabeth. need i say more?

the next two books are FUCKED. rick tried to give hazel her moment, but she is completely overshadowed by percabeth in tartarus. frank gets magicked hot and loses me entirely. leo went from being my favorite new character to my least favorite with the addition of calypso. idk what piper does, and jason is just a vehicle to show off the new favorite - nico. and then rick adds in the nico reveal, which, okay?? i personally was never THAT invested in nico, and his coming out (which is incredible for the lgbtqia+ community, not denying that) came out of left field, didn't align with what we saw of him in pjo, and his coming out itself was forced. literally. which left me feeling...super off about it. if he was gonna come out, it should have at least been his choice.

my point is: the house of hades has SEVEN POVs, a HUGE step up from the usual three, which is...a choice. percabeth (and to some extent hazel) gets the spotlight. the lost hero trio doesn't really get too much screentime other than leo meeting calypso, so why did we get ALL OF THEIR povs? and then...nico is thrust into the spotlight?? why???? we already have 7 characters to focus on. why did we need another? a mess.

and then, in the blood of olympus, we get...five povs. jason, leo, and piper, and...reyna and nico?? MAKE IT MAKE SENSE. i did not give ONE FUCK about the journey back to camp with the athena parthenos, and even if it was necessary, why did we need BOTH reyna and nico's povs? at the MOST we just needed one. i HATED leo's new lovestruck ramblings. and the characters that we had grown up with, percy and annabeth, were shafted on a whole new level. i don't remember frank and hazel getting much time to shine either. it's offensive. it's genuinely offensive.

with those last two books, rick completely shatters the balance he spent the first three books doing VERY well. with the last two books, i lose complete sight of who the fuck to care about within the new cast of characters, and so the only ones i DID end up caring about were the ones i cared about all along: percy and annabeth! and what happens to them? they are completely wasted in the final book. after tartarus, we needed one of their povs to know that they were okay, and we got none of that. yeah, NO.

i know i went the fuck off on this and i didn't mean to, i swear! it just gets me so angry, because rick just...was not making good choices towards the latter half of the series. his choice to include percy and annabeth in an important role in the new series was to keep the old audience hooked while still attracting a new one, and he completely botched it. if he was going to make them lynchpin characters, he should have given them the respect they deserve in the final book. if he wasn't going to use them, he should have just left them in supporting roles, the way he did in toa. you can't get both, and i think hoo proves that.

in the end, none of the characters got a satisfying ending (imo), other than maybe nico (LOL), and the audience isn't fuckin happy. or maybe they are, and i'm just an old bitter grandma in her rocking chair screaming about things long forgotten.

(a very late disclaimer: this is all just my opinion. you can disagree with me, and that's cool!)

[seewetter]

What did I do to verify this information?

Step 0: Notice suspicious aspects of what I'm reblogging

Calls to Action (can cause people to act without thinking first)

False sense of urgency: use of ALL CAPS as if people weren't going to read it otherwise indicates THEY ARE WRITING FOR AN AUDIENCE THAT THEY DON'T EXPECT WILL READ EVERYTHING including the fine print.

KOSA isn't exactly an anti-LGBTQIA+ censorship bill, at least not explicitly so. It's a bill to protect teens from harmful health advice and image problems, it's a bill meant to protect young people from various potentially harmful things online. It's anti-LGBTQIA+ in the sense that it is anti-POC or anti-sex work. In fact it's also authoritarian-ly anti-racist and anti-homophobic. The purpose of the bill isn't trying to achieve censorship, but (according to ars technica, whom the linked blog links to) the bill will have censorship as a side effect, something we know from witnessing SESTA / FOSTA do the same thing with similar methods years ago.

Step 1: Read beyond the Headline

I followed the link, read some of the blog post

I have never heard of buttondown.email, so was not 100% sure this is real

Step 2: Find a Credible Source

I found a link within the article to an Ars Technica article

Ars Technica is a publication I trust

I read enough of the ars technica article to be convinced that KOSA is a law that could force social media platforms to be liable for their "content", causing them to use simplistic algorithms that overly censor online expression

Step 3: Verify Online Source is Authentic

I used startpage (a search engine that Google's things for you so Google doesn't know who is googling & thus won't tailor content to me)

startpage presented me with the ars technica article on KOSA

As an IT student, I know that when links show up in purple in search engines that is a feature offered by my browser history, not by the search engine.

The ars technica article showed up purple, so Firefox confirmed I had opened that link

so I can be certain the link on buttondown.email is the genuine URL of the ars technica page

Step 4: What did I neglect to do?

I could check for more credible sources to ensure that reporting is independent and that there is expert consensus (not a rogue editorial board or something like that). Some articles on misinfo say to find at least 3 credible sources. I didn't do that here.

I could read both the buttondown and ars technica articles fully or follow more of the links in the buttondown article. I could check the website and find out who publishes the information & whether I can make out any conflicts of interest or similar things.

Step 5: Could this information be misleading and if so, can I guess how?

If I didn't understand bulletdown & ars technica after reading about 5 paragraphs of each, then yes, I could be misunderstanding the thing they are saying

If bulletdown or ars technica are lying about the bill, then the easiest way to tell would be to (A) read the bill and (B) check with defenders of the bill. A basic question to try and find out from defenders of the bill would be: are they actually able to explain how this bill will not cause the censorship we have seen from SESTA & FOSTA and other bills with similar intent? Another basic question to find out is: are the defenders of KOSA aware of the basic criticisms levied against them & can they answer those criticisms in a credible way

Ideally, by reading the entire bulletdown, ars technica and maybe a few other sources, one could learn enough of the critique of KOSA to have a good sense whether the defenders and proponents of the bill (A) are making this law in good faith (B) have listened to criticisms (C) have addressed what might go wrong if they introduce this bill.

Step 6: Why share half-researched blog posts like this?

Because the idea (perhaps mistaken perception / fantasy) of an internet censorship bill scares me.

Step 7: Will I share more on this story or do more research?

I will probably reblog this and then not think about it any further unless it circulates around and generates more conversation.

As a person with limited financial means and little interest in policy discussions, I want people who read my blog to like...know about serious developments like this, but I'm convinced the main point of reblogging it is to increase the statistical chance that it reaches people who are keenly interested and more dedicated than I am to doing something.

That's unfortunate of course (I always worry about how wars and other nightmarish things exit the media cycle even while still ongoing!) but I don't run this blog to be a downer blog and I also don't run it to be discussing topics that only interest me in that I'd like to see people (including myself, when that is feasible) work together to solve them.

Hopefully (if anyone even reads this) people can relate and won't think the worst of me. Not like I'm the best person anyway. Uh, thanks for reading.

11/30/23: KOSA is an anti-LGBTQIA+ censorship bill. It is essential you call THIS week. Tell them you are specifically against KOSA and especially against hotlining the bill.

Call the Capitol Switchboard at (202) 224-3121 and ask to be connected to the Senator of your choice.

Here is one that will send your reps a fax: https://resist.bot/

[ali-enby-moved]

y’know being trans/nonbinary specifically is a much bigger part of me then my attraction is

[kowaretatenshi26]

Exactly!! As a queer neurodivergent woman in her 30s, I have been brought to tears several times watching She-Ra and the Princesses of Power, The Owl House, and Steven Universe because of the fantastic representation they provide. I was raised in an ultra conservative family full of homophobia, which made it difficult for me to even recognize my own queerness, let alone accept it. Watching these shows as an adult and seeing how queer couples are portrayed and how normal everyone else in the show treats them is beautiful to me, and I’m so happy that younger viewers, especially younger queer viewers or younger viewers with queer family or friends, can see that gay couples are normal and should be treated with the same dignity and respect as straight couples. One thing that was both interesting and awesome for the world building of The Owl House was that a character who was well known for being cruel, selfish, and neglectful, was many horrendous things, but she wasn’t homophobic; homophobia is something that just doesn’t exist in this universe and I adore it. In all 3 shows, no one has any real negative reactions to queer characters or queer relationships. Pronouns are respected, and feelings are respected.

Steven Universe includes lesbian relationships, bi/pan characters, and a nonbinary intersex character with they/them pronouns that everyone respects, including the character that literally exists to be the town douchebag; most of the characters are LGBTQIA+. Series creator Rebecca Sugar refused to cave to pressures from Cartoon Network regarding how much LGBTQIA+ content they included in the series, including constructing an episode revolving around a lesbian wedding that couldn’t be skipped because the episode also contained critical plot information that couldn’t be explained without watching the episode. Sugar also bypassed other attempts at censorship by putting the more masc character in a dress (some countries had given this character a male voice actor to avoid portraying her relationship with her partner as gay) and the feminine character in a suit. We get to watch a whole lesbian wedding, complete with a lip-to-lip kiss; these characters have also kissed each other’s cheeks and held hands in previous episodes.

She-Ra has gay couples, lesbian couples (including the main character and her love interest), nonbinary characters, bisexual characters, polyamorous characters in a polyamorous relationship, and transgender characters, all of whom are treated with respect. In fact, series creator Nate Stevenson went out of his way to write the story of the entire series in such a way that, if the love story between the main character and her eventual partner was removed, the whole story would fall apart; a lesbian couple, their romantic feelings for each other, and how these romantic feelings impact their actions is so vital that there literally is no show if you remove the romantic aspect. Their first kiss, lip-to-lip, literally gives the main character the motivation she needs to regain her strength and win the final fight. Stevenson also said to assume that all of the characters are LGBTQIA+ unless he explicitly states otherwise. One lesbian character is also shown to have two mothers, and a bisexual character has an entire episode dedicated to him introducing his friends to his two dads.

The Owl House has bisexual characters, lesbian characters, gay characters, nonbinary characters with respected they/them or he/they pronouns, and pansexual characters. The main character is explicitly bisexual, and her love interest is explicitly a lesbian. One of the main supporting characters, who is pansexual with a bisexual love interest, is explicitly shown interacting with and talking about her two dads. Another main character, who is bisexual, has a nonbinary love interest, and another character is shown to be aro/ace. The main character and her love interest go through the normal pre-relationship phase of crushing hard on each other while being oblivious to the fact that the crush is mutual; this transitions to them awkwardly asking each other out, complete with copious amounts of blushing, and this episode where they officially become a couple ends with them holding hands and the main character rubbing her thumb across her love interest’s hand. They explicitly call each other “my girlfriend” and have cute pet names for each other, and there are several cheek kisses. This couple actually gets two lip-to-lip kisses, and they are in a romantic relationship for the entire second half of the show’s duration. There is a whole scene in the third season where the main character comes out to her mother as bisexual and introduces her love interest as her girlfriend, and her mother happily embraces both of them; the scene also shows her friend waving bisexual flags, and later scenes in the episode include her mother wearing a rainbow heart pin and the main character and her love interest having corresponding bisexual and lesbian heart stickers next to their pictures in a scrapbook. Series creator Dana Terrace fought tooth and nail to make the main character and her love interest have a canon, explicitly queer relationship, including their first lip-to-lip kiss. When the show was cancelled for “not fitting the Disney brand” (despite them having a movie where characters virgin-shame another character and literally talk about “having p-in-v contact” that apparently fits the Disney brand just fine), she crammed as much explicitly LGBTQIA+ content into the last three episodes as she could.

Yes we need more chaste twee baby gay romances like heartstopper and yes we also need more shows where men fuck raw to express their love for one another like Élite and yes we need more toxic gays having hate sex like Interview with the Vampire and yes we need more incidental gay characters like the dads in cartoons like Owl House.

It's not a competition! It's a hoard and I'm like a gay little Smaug.

[leznup]

Lesbian [Talk Show] - LeZ'N Up - Dating Stories

Stories from Conservative Closets

The hunger and thirst for LGBTQ content was strong with me and if you understand or grew up hiding in your gay closet, you know the temptation will always be a risk. What if someone sees you looking at books in that section? That's the sad truth of being a questioning youth. In order to discover who you are you have to risk being exposed and for some it's too much. We discuss how the fear of others reaction to PDA has an effect on Lesbian relationships. Even being out of the closet has it's restrictions when it comes to being okay with how the public treats lesbians and PDA. The gaze of men, haters, being outed in your community, etc. can all be obstacles for LGBTQ+ relationships.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gEI5PkC6eCQ

Published on March 22, 2019

Dating and Going to Pride in the USA

Stephanie highlights some of the great Pride events she's attended on the West and East Coast. Nicole discusses some of the amazing Pride events of the Southeast side of the USA. Pride is an LGBTQIA+ festival. Events during the festival are all over the globe. Communities celebrate diversity through parades, exhibits, films, and of course parties! Join us as we talk about some of our memories from Pride. Share some of your exciting pride stories in the comments below. Have you ever been to a Pride event in your city? We speak briefly on dating as a Lesbian. Stephanie talks about the difficult task and knowing who is or isn't Lesbian. Nicole reminisces about her dating years before she was married.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UAPzShnmpEA

Published on April 5, 2019

Dating Stories

Finally telling real lesbian dating stories! Stephanie is sharing some dating stories this episode. We hear about her Tinder date and her amazing luck at the gay bars in Portland. I also throw out some terrible date ideas. We discuss some interesting dating spots in big cities like Atlanta and Portland. How do we feel about Zodiac signs and dating? Do you search for certain signs while dating? Stephanie talks about the Virgo life and if her first date was interested in moving forward with her. What is your favorite LGBTQ bar in Portland? Share some of your wild stories in the comments!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xb1v3q_0FXo

Published on April 17, 2019

Bedroom Stories

We are talking about what goes down in the bedroom. Stephanie continues sharing the details of her date with a woman she met at the gay bar. We discuss Lesbian top and bottom dynamics in sex and celebrate switch hitters. We talk about dating apps and how polygamous relationships compare to open relationships and monogamous ones.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Tjh9yoOL9Xk

Published on April 18, 2019

Finding Your Soulmate

Stephanie asks how Nicole knew she wanted to start a monogamous relationship with her wife instead of another open relationship with a new woman. Nicole tells Stephanie about meeting her wife and falling in love. How do you know you've found the one? Nicole discusses the difference between her relationship with her wife and past women she's dated.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8_V4xtharZI

Published on April 19, 2019

Finding Lovers & Friends

Nicole gives her strategy for finding lesbians in the wild. Stephanie shares how fun it is to hang out with gay males as an alternative to hanging out with lesbians. We tell stories about going to lesbian events and bars alone vs going with a crew of lesbian friends. Tune in for a glimpse into the struggle to find lovers and friends in the lesbian community.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zRcJcljmY2g

Published on May 1, 2019

Virgin Sex and Dating

Everyone has to start somewhere! Join Stephanie and Nicole discussing the first time they had sex as lesbians. Stephanie also gives us an update on her lesbian dating life as it heats up and continues in Portland. Will she ever find a woman that doesn't sneak out before the sun comes up? Does the media portray losing your virginity and first times wrong? Join in the comments and share how you feel about orchestrated sex scenes and what it's actually like to have sex for the first time.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wJ4HZLWCN2M

Published on May 3, 2019

Useless Lesbians

The phrase "useless lesbian" has become a funny meme but is it harmful? Stephanie and Nicole talk about what it's like to feel like a useless lesbian. Useless lesbian is often defined as a lesbian who wouldn't recognize if a woman is into her even if its obvious. We talk about rejection, flirting with women, and giving compliments that don't feel creepy to both parties. Have you ever felt like a useless lesbian? Join us in the comments and tell your story.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gHu7S_8W4GM

Published on May 8, 2019

Queer Sexuality Part 1

Our first guest joins us to talk about Queer sexuality. Kyrstin (Portland) is joining us and sharing her journey to identifying as Queer. We ask her all the questions we have about what Queer means to her and how living and identifying as Queer has impacted her life. She gives us an amazing introduction into Queer topics. We discuss bisexuality, pansexuality, and how she feels about the term homoflexible. What does being Queer mean to you? What does the term mean to you and your community? Make sure to subscribe so you don't miss Part 2 of this discussion and all our other entertaining episodes.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YF7YjZLSqt4

Published on May 13, 2019

Queer Sexuality Part 2

Part 2 of our discussion into Queer sexuality. Kyrstin (Portland) is joining us and sharing her journey to identifying as Queer. We talk about the different situations where identifying as Queer would include a variety of different presenting humans. We discuss bisexuality, pansexuality, and how she feels about the term homoflexible. What does being Queer mean to you? What does the term mean to you and your community? Check out Part 1 as well to continue the topic of Queer sexuality.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=F6YUxidEe0E

Published on May 14, 2019

My Ex Changed Her Name

Nicole's first girlfriend joins the show to talk about how she changed her name. This is great if you're thinking about changing your name or want to hear a story about something you've never done before. We discuss how she came up with her new name (Justin), her fears, and the different situations that developed. Have you ever introduced yourself and used a different name? Are you thinking of or have you changed your name?

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=s1sEp_h5t8k

Published on May 20, 2019

My Ex is Bisexual

Part 2 of The Talking to My Ex GF series is here and it's Bisexual. Stephanie, Justin, and I talk about how bisexuals are viewed in the LGBT+ community. Justin discusses what it means to be bisexual now while she is in a heterosexual relationship and what it was like coming to terms with bisexuality. Are you struggling with identifying as bi or any other sexuality? Are you interested in how someone decides or arrives at the decision to be another sexuality?

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Q5QrQF2RLkM

Published on June 8, 2019

Operation Gemini

Stephanie shares the legend of Operation Gemini. Lesbian Zodiac Killer, Sex, Love, Instagram PI Work, Murder Mysteries, and the one Nicole calls Carmen San Diego. We get into a play by play about the ups and downs of what we thought was Tinder magic but turned into a dumpster fire. Of course we briefly talk about horoscopes and how we always surround ourselves with the same signs. Nicole asks Stephanie to describe her perfect girl and talk about how important it is to find someone who is honest. Is Carmen San Diego playing games? Is it hard to be honest during the dating process? How does everyone feel about Murder?

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sQOAvNz5Mpc

Published on June 14, 2019

Operation Gemini Part 2

The legend of Operation Gemini continues. As if she couldn't do any worst she tops the charts with the worst texts of all time combined with late-night self-centered dates. Stephanie replays the last mission with Gemini and the disappointment that is dating in 2019. Lesbian Zodiac Killer, Sex, Love, Instagram PI Work, Murder Mysteries, and the one Nicole calls Carmen San Diego. We get into a play by play about the ups and downs of what we thought was Tinder magic but turned into a dumpster fire. Is Carmen San Diego looking for casual or disposable sex? Is it hard to be honest during the dating process? Is this op finally done?

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oFrLfG8WBD0

Published on June 26, 2019

Lesbian Squad Goals

We can't be the only ones dreaming of that perfect lesbian friend group. Tune in to hear Stephanie's idea of the most diverse lesbian squad and Nicole's lesbian run utopian town. We are talking lesbian energy, friend groups, and as always how hard it is to find lesbian friends and lovers. Are you friends with people of one sexuality over another? Would you live in a town populated with only one kind of sexuality? What does your perfect squad look like?

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=H3g3bMqvMTk

Published on August 2, 2019

Femme Lesbian Struggles

The #femmelesbian struggle is real and we speak about it in this episode of the podcast. Femme Lesbians often talk about how they are erased in the world and community. Could it be the link between heterosexuality and femme women’s style? What are femme lesbians able to do to get others to know they are a part of the QBLTIA+ community? Check out the video and let’s get a conversation going about our femme sisters.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EvUBacKuO_0

Published on August 9, 2019

Dating Turn Offs

Can one be satisfied with getting laid even if their partners do not excite them? Is the myth women only like bad choices true? A short pow wow between Stephanie and Nicole reveals Stephanie is aware she goes for the worst women but just finds so much pleasure in the chase. Can she change her choosey ways and find a good stable woman to tame her wild way?

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KYiCJEWApYg

Published on August 31, 2019

Bisexual Celibacy

Can a person be naked in the heat of passion and identify with the lifestyle choice of Celibacy? Stephanie shares an interesting story about a night with a Bisexual friend. She met this friend from the totally reliable dating app Bubble. Celibacy is defined by the iPhone 11 as the state of abstaining from marriage and sexual relations. Is that what had happened lol? Have you or have you ever met someone who has been successful with Celibacy? How does everyone feel about Bisexuals being top tier on the show?

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PPA_PFb_k7g

Published on September 20, 2019

WTF 2020

Stephanie in Portland and Nicole in Atlanta sit down and talk about where the world is with the Covid-19 virus. Part I in the series we talk about how we are handling the virus right now. How is everyone handling the virus and being in quarantine? Have you shared the show with anyone?

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=x2isgCr1woU

Published on April 10, 2020

GROSS STORIES

Part II in the series we talk about what isolation has done to the whole 2020 vibe and how gross people are acting. Stephanie in Portland and Nicole in Atlanta sit down and talk about where the world is with the Covid-19 virus. How is everyone handling the virus and being in quarantine? Have you shared the show with anyone?

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Y_qExFAcwfI

Published on April 11, 2020

REAL HEROES

Thanks to Stripers, delivery persons, healthcare pros, and teachers to name a few. Part III in the series we talk about the real heroes of the Coronavirus. Stephanie in Portland and Nicole in Atlanta sit down and talk about where the world is with the Covid-19 virus. We talk about creative ways to reach out to people and connect in a time of social distancing. How is everyone handling the virus and being in quarantine? Have you shared the show with anyone?

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PZ5N75kaUV4

Published on April 12, 2020

SELF LOVE

It's important to keep your mental health strong and your spirits up in these hard times. Part IV in the series we talk about things to pass the time and keep people out of depression. Stephanie in Portland and Nicole in Atlanta sit down and talk about where the world is with the Covid-19 virus. We talk about creative ways to reach out to people and connect in a time of social distancing. How is everyone handling the virus and being in quarantine? Have you shared the show with anyone?

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZLudk3swzoc

Published on April 13, 2020

GOOD VIBES

There's always some good in bad situations. Part V in the series we talk about things that are good about the quarantine and our hopes for hot girl summer. Stephanie in Portland and Nicole in Atlanta sit down and talk about where the world is with the Covid-19 virus. We talk about creative ways to reach out to people and connect in a time of social distancing. How is everyone handling the virus and being in quarantine? Have you shared the show with anyone?

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UnOxnUmJL7k

Published on April 16, 2020

2020 Woke

What does it mean to be a "woke" person in the year 2020? We spend most of our lives working our jobs and trying to get by that we miss so much. We are sleep to the issues of the world and how trapped we are in a loop so we can ignore them. Stephanie and Nicole discuss the awakening of the masses because of the lack of 40 hour work week. Now that everyone can pay attention to what's going on in the world what will they do with this new knowledge? Do you stay asleep afraid of the change that could set you and others free?

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=19IcQHyZaoc

Published on June 15, 2020

Protest Gemini

Long time fans of the show should know if you see the word Gemini in the title it's going to be a crazy one. The Gemini Magnet Stephanie of course has another encounter with a Gemini. Who would have guessed it's the original murder she wrote Gemini herself?!? Stephanie recounts seeing Gemini Carmen again while out of quarantine and also seeing all her past hott girl summer flings. Can she be proud of how she handled running into an old hookup? Is running into Gemini Carmen a sign of the times?

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=smh6x5jq-PE

Published on June 16, 2020

Racist Parents

Growing up a minority in America is hard. A lot of children grow up being prepared for a racist world by racist parents. Racism is such a parasite it is in everyone. Racism isn't just a black and white issue, it’s an issue within each race. Racism is taught and it can be so hidden a person can't recognize it until they have the knowledge of something different. Stephanie and Nicole discuss cultural differences with our parents and the difficulties with mixed-matched morals. Shouldn't you trust the people who you love and you think care about you? Is their judgement always right and best for you? How do you tell them they are wrong and have a conversation?

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kQttekUA24g

Published on June 17, 2020

All Protest Matter

How are some people allowed to protest with guns and other protests are controlled by Police violence and Police using guns? This episode Stephanie and Nicole talk about the protests going in Atlanta Georgia and Portland Oregon for the Black Lives Matter Movement. We share stories about the protests, police force on people of color, and how racism needs to talked about and people need to wake up and educate themselves. Is it enough to just not be racist? Should you know the history of racism so that you can educate others and know how to combat it when the time comes?

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ny_wS-Nw-UA

Published on June 18, 2020

BLM Protest Matter

Racism, protests, looting, brutality, and who knows what's next. Stephanie and Nicole discuss the horror that is 2020 and the treatment of people during peaceful protests. Hear stories from the protests in Atlanta and Portland. Stephanie and Nicole discuss the heated topic of racism is America right now. Views about the Black Lives Matter Movement being the most important news, racism within the community, stories from protests, personal racist encounters, and more come up in this series. As people of color, Stephanie and Nicole offer their unique perceptive on what it means to be experiencing this important moment in our history. How does everyone feel about the protests? What about the police state we call America? Any police sad about the way your profession is treating Black people and everyone in general? Let's peacefully discuss what's going on right now in the comments below?

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zxsfq-Z3lOE

Published on June 19, 2020

Wuz Up 2020

2020 the Coronavirus, Covid - 19, call it what you want, it's still around and dangerous in the USA. This isn't a normal catching up show. Stephanie and Nicole discuss masks, protests, and what's going on in Atlanta Georgia and in Portland Oregon. Is it easy to get a test in your community? Has the Pandemic changed your job for the worst? Are people being too cautious and this is all a hoax? Let's talk about the worst time in history in the comments below.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=asW_WWhcEXA

Published on September 26, 2020

2020 Dating Rules

2020 the Coronavirus, Covid - 19, call it what you want, it's still around and dangerous in the USA. This isn't a normal dating story show. Stephanie and Nicole discuss masks during dates, dating ideas, and the important questions to consider before entering the dating field in 2020. Stephanie shares her concerns with dating during the pandemic and the more serious terms. Do you think it's risky to date while Covid-19 so easy to catch? Can we trust strangers to be honest about how they are preventing coronavirus transmission? Let have a weird sterile discussion about the virus and dating during this Pandemic in the comments below.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=clvB1-gIkqo

Published on September 30, 2020

Dating Bipolar

My wife and I worked at the same restaurant for two years before we started dating. Discovering the love of your life right under your nose is one thing but finding out she is bipolar is another. Stephanie and Nicole talk about what it's like to date someone with Bipolar Disorder. I talk about if given the chance again would I continue to date and fall in love with my wife. Would a serious physical or mental disorder change how you feel and your relationship with someone you're dating? Have you ever been in a relationship with someone who had major health obstacle in their life?

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Wd6U_DJaBgs

Published on October 4, 2020

Fire 2020

2020 is still hitting hard. Stephanie and Nicole talk about the new way society is in 2020. We are catching up on what it's like in the job market in 2020 and the bizarre ways you can get the fire stamp from a job in 2020. Nicole talks about her family in Georgia and what they are going through at work in 2020. We want everyone to remember how important mental help is in 2020. Everyone is struggling 2020 so we need ways to figure how to deal with an increase in major situations.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=x1dzHdV2rHc

Published on October 11, 2020

Leave 2020

Is the USA a huge conspiracy or is our news media feeding us hoax after hoax? Stephanie and Nicole talk about why California is just a fire zone for the new 5G tower state and other crazy conspiracies that make us want to leave the USA. We discuss the land down under and Canada as the new options to start our all Queer utopia. What kind of crazy conspiracies have you heard? Is it safe to stay in the USA or should all Queer folk leave? If we do leave where would we migrate and start a new society?

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CvKKfdiaPJM

Published on October 17, 2020

Help 2020

So many people need help in 2020. The year is still hitting hard. Stephanie and Nicole talk about how things are still changing in 2020. We are shouting out to the people and jobs that have be giving us life and help in 2020. We talk about the future and how covid-19 is going to shape what 2020 and beyond is going to be like for society. We talk about the vaccine and the fight for a breaking point in covid-19 and the struggle in 2020. We talk about the future of 2020 in this show, what are your predictions for the rest of 2020? Will you be getting the vaccine in 2020?

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RLzCMXaaeJM

Published on October 24, 2020

[collaborationandresearchproposal]

Wednesday 5th, Research proposal: First Draft

Title

Evil Kweens: A Queer Look At The History Of Villains And Monsters In Animation And Film

 Report type

Extended essay

 Proposed table of contents

 The Hays Code

 -       Guidelines are technically voluntary, in practice the major Hollywood audios used the Hays Code guidelines as convince the means of staving off pressure groups

 -       Directly influenced the content of almost every American film made between 1930 and 1966

 Queer-coding and Queer-baiting with focus on Disney and modern media

 -       both are issues for the LGBTQIA+ community as they seek to capitalize on these marginalized groups

 -       Queer-baiting: portraying an obviously queer relationships with the use of cues and subtext without acknowledging it or perhaps even gas lighting it.

 -       Queer-coding: writing a character with queer stereotypes as a form of representation without explicitly acknowledging that the character is queer.

Queer-coding isn’t always bad. It’s all about the creators’ intentions.

Queer-baiting however is pretty much always harmful.

-       Disney villains

 Lycanthropy and other monstrous subtext/ parallels. Allegory or myth?

-       talk about werewolf’s (Teen Wolf, Harry Potter, Buffy)

-       Frankenstein (Mary Shelly, Rocky Horror Picture Show,

 Question

 Is representation of LGBT individuals in animation and other forms of entertaining media good for the community or just a way for corporate big wigs to swindle money from hopeful queer people who would pay to see at least one shred of a character who is like them?

 Limitations

-       it may be hard for me to stay objective given that I’m in the LGBT community myself

 -       risk of outdated sources and temporal context problems. A project of its time will certainly play a part but more importantly the LGBT community is quite fickle it changes a lot as new identities and constructs get introduced so it may be hard to find a viable source.

 Background

The Hays code was published in 1930 and was based on three general principles:

 -       no picture shall be produced that will lower the moral standards of those who see it. Hence the sympathy of the audience should never be thrown to the side of crime, wrongdoing, evil or sin.

 -       correct standards of life, subject only to the requirements of drama entertainment, shall be presented.

 -       Law, natural or human, shall not be included, nor shall sympathy be created for its violation.

 These were developed in a series of rules grouped under the self-explanatory headings Crimes Against The Law, Sex, Vulgarity, Obscenity, Profanity, Costume Dances (I.e. suggestive movements), Religion, Locations (I.e. the bedroom) National Feelings, Titles and Repellent Subjects''  (extremely graphic violence)

 Typical features of queer- coded characters

 -       high cheekbones

 -       thin bodies

 -       feminine beauty

 -       dramatic of voice and actions

 -       male characters may talk or sing in falsetto or have camp ness to their voice and a female character will most likely have a deeper voice (Maleficent, Evil Queen, Ursula- who is actually based on a drag queen)

 -       these characters may also drag out their words and walk about at though slinking (Scar, the Lion King)

 Examples or queer-baiting

-       Myka Bearing and H.G. Wells (Warehouse13, SYFY)

Warehouse13 took a hit in ratings after its fourth season, meaning its fifth only had 6 episodes. It seemed to queer fans in particular that Myka and HG had a blossoming romance. It was even confirmed in the last episode that HG is indeed Bisexual but also in the last episode, Myka ends up with series long partner who at many points has been akin to the brother she never had. Their relationship was definitely flirtatious and I'm not saying that closing out the electric romantic arc between them would have saved the show, it was cancelled anyway, but It would have been nice since the interactions that HG and Myka had were actually what pushed fans to secure the final season. However you can’t be too mad as the show does have probably one of the best portrayals of a gay character on tv.

 -       Sherlock and John Watson ( Sherlock, BBC)

 -       Captain America and Bucky Barnes (MCU)

 -       Spock and Kirk ( Star Trek, NBC)

 -       Emma and Regina (Ounce Upon A Time, ABC)

 -       Stiles and Derek ‘Sterek’ (Teen Wolf, MTV)

 -       Merlin and Arthur ‘Merthur’ (Merlin, BBC)

 -       Dean and Castiel (Supernatural, ABC)

 Lycanthropy

-       seems to be synonymous with the homosexuality- parallels between teen Wolf and Buffy the vampire slayer’s respective coming out scenes

 -       the Queer-ness of Professor Lupin from the Harry Potter Franchise- J.K Rowling has admitted that Lupin’s Lycanthropy is a metaphor for AIDS/ HIV but has further dismissed fans’ theories that Lupin is Queer.

 -       Homophobia and HIV- homophobia acts as a major barrier to ending the AIDS crisis and at the beginning of the AIDS epidemic, gay men were so my led out to receive abuse as many believed they were responsible for transmitting the disease.

 Overall aims

 -       explore the impact of queer-baiting on queer communities

 -       investigate true intentions behind the Hays Code

 -       Make people aware of what’s good representation and what’s bad representation.

 Research methods

 I plan to use relevant books and articles. I will also be looking to Disney films from the Disney renaissance era and looking into monster stories such as the Wolfman and Mary Shelly’s Frankenstein's Monster, paying close attention to subtext and possible parallels as well as comparing them with more modern sources such as Harry Potter and The Rocky Horror Picture Show.

 These are appropriate methods of research because they will allow me to get others’ perspectives on the topic and allow me to analyze the villains and monsters in detail and give me visual material to talk about deeply.

 Potential outcomes

 -       The research will be helpful for me because it will allow me to increase my awareness on a subject that I am already passionate about and interested in.

 -       in a wider context this may help more people to understand the meaning and history behind the characteristics of their favorite villain and any possible subtext that may be lurking beneath them.

 -       educate those that are unaware or the issues queer-baiting and queer-coding pose.

 Timeline

Bibliography

Brooke, M. The Hays Code the moral code that governed mid-20th  century American filmmaking. Available at http://www.screenonline.org.uk/film/id/592022/ (Accessed: 16 March 2021)

 Cheng, Z. (2020) Queer-Baiting: What Is It and Why Is It Harmful to The LGBT Community?

Available at:https://hypebae.com/2020/6/queer-baiting-what-is-it-why-harmful-lgbtq-community-tv-shows (Accessed: 16 March 2021)

 Elliott, J. (2016) Becoming the Monster: Queer Monstrosity and the Reclemation of the Warewolf in Slash Fandom. Dissertation. University of Florida. Available at: file:///C:/Users/me202/Downloads/Becoming_The_Monster_Queer_Monstrosity_a.pdf (Accessed 16 March 2021)

 Ennis, T. (2020) The Strange, Difficult History of Queer Coding.Available at: https://www.syfy.com/syfywire/the-strange-difficult-history-of-queer-coding (Accessed: 16 March 2021)

  Hays, H, W. (1931) Online. United States: Production Code Administration, Appendix 1

  Hutton, Z. (2018) Queering The Clown Prince of Crime: A Look at Queer Stereyotypes as Signifiers In DC Comics’ “The Joker” FIU Electonic Theses and Dissertations. 3702. Availale at https://digitalcommons.fiu.edu/etd/3702/ (Accessed: 16 March 2021)

 McLeod, Dion, S. (2016) Unmaksing the Quillan: Queerness and Villiany in Animated Disney Films. Doctor of Philosophy thesis, School of the Arts, English and Media, University of Wollongong. Available at: https://ro.uow.edu.au/theses/4802/ (Accessed 16 March 2021)

 Smith, M. (2015) Making Things Perfectly Queer: Art’s Use Of Craft To Signify LGBT Identities.The University of Brighton. Available at: https://cris.brighton.ac.uk/ws/portalfiles/portal/4754843/Complete+E+Dissertation+Jan+2016.pdf  (Accessed: 16 March 2021)

[reaching-for-roses]

About Me

Welcome to Reaching for Roses!

You can call me Rose.

You may remember that I was once called “Hellenic Reflections”, went by the name Serene and the username @serenityinthestorm. This is no longer the case!

Disclaimer:

I’m a Hellenic Polytheist. This blog is for religious purposes, not for role play or the Percy Jackson fandom, or Hadestown.

I am a 29 year old white cis woman who prefers she/her pronouns. I have self-diagnosed ADHD, with comorbid Anxiety, Depression and DSPD. I support those who also choose to self diagnose, whatever their reasoning may be. If you are against it, let’s agree to disagree.

I support the LGBTQIA+ community, as well as POC. This blog is a safe space. I am against racism, religious persecution, or bigotry of any kind. I believe in checking my own privilege so please let me know if I’ve offended and we can talk through it. I don’t know everything, I am still learning and sometimes I make mistakes just like everyone else.

I try to include as much historically accurate ideas and practices into my religion as possible but I still have a lot to learn and I definitely lean more towards being a revivalist than a recon. Therefore, UPG does come into play quite a lot and I believe that I have a responsibility to disclose this.

With that said, here is a few things about me:

As I said, you can call me Rose. I live in the US, and share a house with my dad and my partner. We have several animal friends who room with us. A feisty torbie named Cleo, a lovely tortoiseshell old lady cat named Abigail, and a young male silver tabby named Milo. My dad has two cats of his own: a gentle giant named Sylvester, and an older female tabby we call Miss Cass. They each have their own very distinct personalities. 

Aside from work, I do a lot of cleaning, taking care of pets and running errands.

When I’m not occupied with those things I’m either writing, researching and re-posting things to my blogs, doing some kind of crafty thing, or hyperfocusing on whatever the most recent interest may be. I have a super curious mind, and I’ve been through loads of hyperfixations.

My blogs:

I’ve got numerous blogs, because I find it easier to organize my thoughts that way.

On Reaching for Roses I will be focusing on Hellenic Polytheism. It will feature a lot of information on HP as a whole, the many facets within it, and my journey as a Hellenic Polytheist. I also write devotional poems and prayers and am working on a modern mythology project called Visits with the Gods.

My sideblogs (with the exception of @clusterjunk) are part of an ongoing project. Each one is dedicated to a different deity as a sort of e-shrine. They are places I can go to spend time gathering information about each deity, talk about my experiences with them, and make virtual offerings.

If you would like to give those a look, so far I have:

@ladyhestiashearth for Hestia

@dionysiandreams for Dionysus

@ares-is-my-shield for Ares

@reciever-of-the-dead for Hades

@floralcrowned for Persephone

@lady-of-the-hunt for Artemis

@sunbeams-and-sunflowers for Apollo

@nyxs-night-owl for Nyx

Eventually I plan to have one for each of the main deities in the pantheon. But for now, anything related to deities without their own shrine will be sent to Reaching for Roses. If you’re interested in checking those out, here is a list of all the tags I will use on them to make navigation a bit easier.

I am devoted to Hestia and otherwise mostly follow Aphrodite, Hermes, Apollo, Persephone and Tyche. Aphrodite is the first theos I came into contact with. She introduced me to Hellenic Polytheism, and soon after that Hermes came along. If you wanna know how I met the other theoi, have a look at How I Met The Gods.

As of yet, Aphrodite and Hermes don’t have their own e-shrines because I have physical ones for them in my home. This may change in the future, but for now all content featuring them will be on Reaching for Roses.

If you think you would like to follow, but aren’t interested in HP, check out @clusterjunk. It’s the dumping ground for everything else I am interested in.

Asks and messages are welcome anytime. Please feel free to send as many as you wish!

♡ As always, thanks for reading, and I appreciate the followers! ♡

[darlingxdarkling]

I can’t believe my first Medium article is a pop culture piece criticizing Sindel’s depiction in MK11 Aftermath, but you know what? It’s totally worth it.

Full text under the cut in case the article is inaccessible because of Medium’s paywall. I want my pieces to be as accessible to the public as possible.

Warning: Heavy spoilers for Mortal Kombat 11 and its expansion, Aftermath.

Ever since its first release in 1992, the Mortal Kombat franchise is known for its extreme, action-packed violence and gore that led to the creation of the ESRB. It’s also know for its controversial depictions of scantily-clad women; however, did this not deter female gamers from becoming fans of the franchise, myself included. Admittedly I am one of the fans of Mortal Kombat who was late to the party, partly due to my age and inaccessibility of gaming platforms, only discovering Ultimate Mortal Kombat 3 in 2010 while playing with my older cousins, who were mostly boys.

Eyes fixated on the pixelated, motion-captured sprites on the screen in wonder, I remember being a fan of characters such as Raiden, Nightwolf, and Sindel. Especially Sindel, whom I grew to adore because of her regal, gothic appearance. Due to the stereotype that gaming is a masculine interest prevalent during those times, I felt alienated at times, having no other female playmate aside from my younger sister. However, seeing female characters such as Sindel gave me characters to identify with in my formative years.

A decade later, I still am a fan of the franchise, and of those characters. With the years that passed, there had been significant changes in the video game industry, and the clamor for better depictions of women, people of color, LGBTQIA+ individuals, and other minorities. Mortal Kombat is one of the franchises that changed with the times, even introducing their first confirmed gay character Kung Jin in Mortal Kombat X, and depicting classic character Mileena and 3D era character Tanya as lovers in the same game, confirming that Mileena is indeed canonically bisexual.

Mortal Kombat X’s female character designs were diverse and realistic too; there were some female characters whose designs didn’t show too much skin, like Sonya Blade’s main costume, befitting her role and demeanor as a tough-as-nails general, and there were female characters like Mileena who had more skin in her costumes, justified by her character’s desire to compensate for her monstrous Tarkatan genes. It’s not perfect, but overall, Mortal Kombat X is a breath of fresh air to the franchise. As a bisexual, an Asian, and a woman, I felt seen. I felt good, because minorities like me are respectfully represented.

As for its sequel, Mortal Kombat 11, there are some noteworthy depictions of real-life social issues in the game, such as colonization, which is explored with Nightwolf’s revamped lore. In the rewrite, Nightwolf is depicted as someone who used to be angry that his people, a fictional Native American tribe called the Matoka, resigned themselves to colonizers in his youth, but was blessed by his tribe’s deity, the Great Spirit, with power to help his tribe move forward after he defended the Matoka’s honor against Kano. The subject of race is also explored with Jax’s ending, where he uses the power he obtains from the hourglass to create a world where Black people were never enslaved, which garnered manufactured outrage despite the lack of any real controversy. Another example is Fujin’s ending, where he uses his power to experience the lives of mortals of different races, realms, genders, and faiths, putting emphasis on the value of integrating with the masses in order to understand and serve them better.

However, there are some aspects of the game that left a bad taste in my mouth. No, that would be an understatement. It left me furiously disappointed.

John Vogel is the lead writer for the franchise since John Tobias’ departure, writing the bulk of the story until he left around after Mortal Kombat X. Dominic Cianciolo becomes co-writer, alongside Shawn Kittelsen. Cianciolo is credited as the Story Director for Mortal Kombat 11, and thus responsible for the bulk of the plot.

After being unplayable in MKX, Sindel returns to the MK11 roster in a Kombat Pack, expansions featuring characters who aren’t present in the main story or are guest fighters from another franchise, such as Nightwolf and the Joker from the DC Universe. At the announcement of their return, I was ecstatic. The way Nightwolf’s character is handled and the added lore left me positive and hopeful for Sindel’s return.

But then, the retcon happened.

Originally, Sindel is the deceased mother of Kitana whose husband was killed by Shao Kahn. She then sacrificed herself through a suicide pact in order to protect the realms, and was brought back to life as an evil queen by Shao Kahn milennia later, but then escapes his hold. Here, she is made to be evil all along, responsible for her husband’s death and willingly coming with Shao Kahn to rule alongside him. Sindel becomes a character from her society’s ruling class who is obsessed with preserving her privileged position. Some fans claim that this new depiction is “empowering”, but is it really progressive?

Today, the terms “empowerment” and “women’s empowerment” are becoming buzzwords used by advertisers and big industry writers in an attempt to sell their product to a growing number of women who takes part in geek culture or play video games, and a society with values that are getting more and more progressive. Some people call this phenomena “woke capitalism”, where a corporation adopts progressive political causes. The gaming industry is not exempt from that; people pay for games, downloadable content, and microtransactions after all.

More often than not, when male writers write “strong” female characters, they tend to focus solely on enhancing traditionally masculine values, such as fighting ability, ignoring what other values female characters have that make them strong, or they tend to be horribly, horribly tone-deaf, which I will explain in detail later. These representations of “women’s empowerment” should force us to reexamine the media we consume, and discern whether these are genuine depictions of social issues or woke capitalism disguised as such.

In the first place, why are so many writers obsessed with “empowering” female characters, instead of writing them as characters capable of fighting for their emancipation?

Empowerment is passive; it’s something granted by those who hold power, not earned nor fought for. In the rewritten Sindel’s case, she is empowered by Shao Kahn when he took her as his wife and gave her the privileges he enjoys. Sindel’s empowerment is selfish; her rise to power did not empower, emancipate, nor liberate her daughter Kitana, nor Jade, nor Mileena, nor the women of Outworld. On the contrary, it made life worse and oppressive for all of Outworld’s denizens, including its women, who now have to serve not one, but two privilege-drunk monarchs who rule with an iron fist. If that’s the values the writers want to impart on their audience, I have serious doubts on the sincerity of their “wokeness”.

The release of Aftermath takes things up to eleven, where Sindel betrays her own daughter to be with Shao Kahn, who, originally, enslaves her and forces her into marriage, which holds so much unfortunate implications for those in abusive relationships. It doesn’t help that Cianciolo liked a tweet from a fan that said the original Sindel, an abuse survivor, was never an empowered female character and a was bad mother for killing herself and leaving her child behind, bringing even more unfortunate implications not just for women in abusive relationships, but also for people who struggle with suicide. Somehow, Cianciolo and the fans that agree with him ignore these implications altogether and believes that the new haughty, tyrannical Sindel is an example of a strong female character. This isn’t the first time male writers tried their hand at feminist writing and ended up with tone-deaf plot decisions.

Cianciolo took a nuanced and well-written character and turned her into Shao Kahn 2.0. What happened is essentially the creative butchering of Sindel’s character; she went from being a survivor to an oppressor. Shao Kahn already fills the role of a cruel tyrant who refuses to relinquish his privilege for the good of the masses, and rewriting Sindel to become his distaff counterpart is not necessary at all. This treatment of her character isn’t feminist or progressive at all; it’s poorly-disguised misogyny. It’s implying that a woman can only be powerful if she submits to her husband so that he may grant her a taste of privilege reserved for powerful men, an antiquated sentiment best left to the feudal ages. Granted, the fictional realm of Outworld is ruled by a monarchy, but Sindel’s previous characterization is proof that writers can refuse or avoid using that trope.

Emancipation, on the other hand, is an active role; according to Ruane and Todd, it is “a process by which the participants in a system which determines, distorts and limits their potentialities come together actively to transform it, and in the process transform themselves.” This concept can be applied more appropriately to pre-retcon Sindel.

Going back to my days as a highly impressionable teenager, though I grew interested in her for her benevolent demeanor despite her intimidating appearance, Sindel’s roles as a survivor and a leader are what cemented my love for the character. Shao Kahn murdered her husband, usurped the throne, conquered her kingdom, and coerced her to be his wife. Later, she sacrificed herself for the greater good of a realm, and after being resurrected as an evil brainwashed puppet, she finally broke free from her abuser. With her newfound agency, she became a queen of Outworld who recognized her privilege and used it to stand with its masses against tyrants, and she also becomes a doting mother to Kitana, demonstrating great love for her family. When finally removed from her abuser’s influence, Sindel chose to be free, she chose to lead her people benevolently, and she chose to be with her true family. This Sindel broke free from the traditional Outworld power structure that Shao Kahn perpetrated for thousands of years, no longer a bride to be forcefully taken, nor a pawn to be manipulated by its emperor.

If you can look past the scanty costume design standard for video games of that era, the original Sindel could be a female character ahead of her time. Original Sindel not only can kick ass, she also has agency, willpower, and a heart; a strong female character with good writing. For those reasons, Cianciolo’s Sindel is #NotMySindel.

[jjmalibu]

THE IMPORTANCE OF TRANS REPRESENTATION FROM JESSE DIAMOND

Introduce yourself!

I am a 29-year-old NASM certified personal trainer and transgender man. In a few weeks, I’ll be moving from Portland, Oregon to Virginia. I’ve participated in a lot of different sports, but right now I’m an avid, competitive powerlifter.

Do you plan on competing this year?

I plan on waiting at least until 2021 before I compete in powerlifting again. My first competition was in 2014, so it’ll feel good to be back on the platform again.

Who is your role model?

These are the transgender athletes that have really inspired me over the years.

Chloie Jonsson (@chlojonsson)

Schuyler Bailar ((pinkmataray))

Janae Kroczaleski (@janaemariekroc)

Kinnon Ross (@skinnin_kinnon)

Scott Percy (@fluffy757)

Tommy Murrell (@tommythetrainer78)

What's one of your favorite memories from growing up?

When I was 7 or 8 years old, my grandparents took my sister, our cousins, and I to the lake. I didn’t have a swimsuit with me, but my grandfather let me swim wearing only shorts. I didn’t know at the time, but the reason I was so happy was because I was experiencing gender euphoria. It felt so affirming to be able to swim shirtless.

How does your diet impact/support your training?

Because I’m a strength athlete, I typically maintain a high protein diet to optimize muscle recovery. I typically perform best when most of my calories are coming from whole, unprocessed, or minimally processed food sources.

Are there any black fitness entrepreneurs you’d like to promote?

Yes!

Tommy Murrell (pronouns he/him) is a NASM personal trainer with 8 different specialty certifications under his belt and a Bachelors degree in Physical Education. He is an Amateur Bodybuilder & Loves inspiring people to do their best. Tommy has worked with both cisgender and transgender clients with a variety of different fitness goals.

3Tfitnesslifestyle@gmail.com

Instagram: @tommythetrainer78

Ilya (pronouns he/they) is a Physical Therapist Assistant and Ace Certified Medical Exercise Specialist. He is also a grassroots organizer and educator whose work centers gender, racial and healing justice. Ilya decided to merge their love for restorative based movement practices and community advocacy to create Decolonizing Fitness, LLC which is a social justice platform that provides affirming fitness services, community education and apparel in support of body diversity.

www.decolonizingfitness.com

Instagram: @decolonizing_fitness

As a trans athlete, what are your thoughts and opinions about competing in mainstream sports & competitions? Do you feel there is an unfair advantage?

I dream of a world where trans athletes have the freedom to compete in whatever sport and for whatever organization that they choose. Every athlete, regardless of their identity or how they were born, has their own advantages and disadvantages when it comes to competing. It feels unfair to penalize or exclude athletes based on gender identity or whatever medications they might take. I think it should be the responsibility of each competitive organization to write policies that promote inclusion within the sport.

What are your thoughts on trans men representation and the lack of it in many areas?

The lack of trans masculine representation in the media is one of the reasons why it took me so long to come out as transgender. But I think it’s so great that we now live in a time where some of us can be ambassadors to our community using social media. Not everyone has the privilege of being out, but those who do have that privilege can use their visibility to help educate others about us.

Why is it important for Trans Actors to play Trans Roles in Hollywood?

In my opinion, one of the problematic aspects of cisgender actors playing transgender roles is that it perpetuates the idea that we are “ just playing dress-up”. When a transgender woman is portrayed by a cisgender man dressed in women’s clothing, that’s the perception some cis folks get of trans people; that trans women are just cisgender men dressed up as women and trans men are just cisgender women dressed up as men. This way of thinking is invalidating to our identities. A lot of cisgender, heterosexual people won’t go out of their way to educate themselves about the LGBTQIA community. If cinema is one way we can reach those people, then trans folks should be the ones telling our own stories.

What are things you learned about yourself after you transitioned?

Transitioning has taught me about the importance of self-care and patience. Sometimes it feels like having a 2nd or 3rd job when you want to transition medically because it can be time-consuming, confusing, and stressful hard work. It can take weeks, months, or even years to figure out how to get the financial or insurance coverage for one’s transitional needs. You have to take care of your basic needs and learn how to be patient when it comes to physical transitioning, so I’ve learned to apply those skills to my everyday life.

Did you feel that you had to rediscover your personality as a man when you transitioned?

Yes, absolutely. Testosterone changes you so much physically and mentally; my perspective on a lot of things has changed and now I find myself processing emotions in different ways than I did before starting HRT.

How are you feeling after phalloplasty?

I’m feeling quite relieved now that the process is over. Even though I only had two surgeries performed, I’m content with my body and feel grateful to be fully healed. My surgeon, Dr. Jens Berli, did an amazing job.

Could you provide some advice for people that want to transition but are afraid to?

You’re not alone; I imagine just about every transgender person experiences some level of fear prior to coming out. We live in a world where trans people are constantly misunderstood and mistreated, but it’s a lot easier now to connect with other people in the community and to find resources for yourself than it has been in the past. It’s ok to be scared, but don’t be too afraid to ask for guidance when you need it.

How is your mental health going?

Lmao always a work in progress! I’ve been doing a lot better now that I’m fully recovered from my surgeries and have clearance to workout again.

One piece of advice that has followed you into your future?

Don’t be afraid to seek out help. Every day is an opportunity to learn and grow; it’s ok to utilize outside resources or to ask for help in order to reach your goals.

Can you please provide us a list of organizations that help Trans Communities?

@theokraproject

@blacktranstravelfund

@bravespacealliance

@transequalitynow

@transjusticefp

@pointofprideorg

Do you have a final message?

Tough times make tough people. Whatever you’re struggling with right now, one day you’ll be stronger because of it. Don’t give up on yourself.

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[quarterfromcanon]

1-4. For the asks

Thank you so much for sending these! <3 

Once I started to answer them, I realized there were comparatively few recent television shows appearing on the list. I seemed to keep gravitating toward older ones I remembered from years ago. I took a handful of days to mull it over in case I was forgetting something, but nothing else comes to mind. Maybe my ongoing list of Shows to Watch During Quarantine will turn up some fresh results but, for now, it looks like I’ll be taking a little trip down memory lane. :) 

This turned out to be a pretty long and rambly post, so I’ll stow it under the cut!

Top 5 TV Shows 

1. Crazy Ex-Girlfriend - I can’t imagine this surprises anyone who has been following this blog for the past two years or so. It brought fellow fans into my life, got me back into writing fic, and prompted countless tags of meta. It’s the show my mind drifts to on a weekly basis (if not daily) even a full year after the finale. Just when it seemed I’d reached an age where that level of intense fandom involvement and character attachment might be fading, it proved that quite the opposite was true. I’m very thankful to the series for that, and for the people whose paths have crossed mine as a result.   

2. Schitt’s Creek - This is my #1 Feel Good show and, though I’ve been dodging spoilers for the final season until it gets uploaded to Netflix, I get the impression that it will remain in that top spot. The world feels softer and more hopeful there. It’s healing for my soul. I’m going to have a dreadfully difficult time saying goodbye, but I’m glad there are six season to revisit whenever I want. 

3. Stranger Things - The theme song alone sends such a rush of excitement through me. I love the aesthetic and the atmosphere. I sometimes have mixed feelings about the romances but the FRIENDSHIPS sure do have a direct line to my heartstrings. I think the way they’ve combined media influences into their own story is really neat. You get something that’s new and engaging, but you can also go back and enjoy the sources of inspiration with fresh appreciation. 

4. Joan of Arcadia - I can’t help it. The snark, the jackets, the early 2000s songs, the performances -- the nostalgia for this show is so strong. It’s not without its problems, but it did have some really good things to offer as well. I remember an episode that was one of my earliest introductions to the concept of a trigger, and the effect it could have on a person if exposed to one of theirs. The series dealt a lot with grief and the many forms it can take (I STILL can’t hear Fiona Apple’s cover of “Across the Universe” without getting misty-eyed). I’m also surprised, looking back, at the somewhat positive way I recall them discussing homosexuality on the several occasions that it came up in the show. Not to give too much credit since I don’t think there were recurring canonically LGBTQIA+ characters but, for a kid who spent most days around closed-minded people of a certain religious leaning, it was meaningful along my individual journey. I’d like to provide the several examples that are most vivid in my memory:

A. A girl with short hair, short nails, little to no makeup, and a bulky leather jacket is generally assumed to be a lesbian by the bullies at school. The show directly confronts the fact that “gay” should not be used an insult, that identity should not be assumed without the person telling you so, AND makes sure that the character in question never pushes back by saying harmful things about lesbians despite not actually being one herself. 

B. A boy who is questioning is able to confide in his big brother and have a fairly calm conversation about it; the awkwardness mostly comes from neither of them being accustomed to openly discussing emotions, not from the possibility of a negative response regarding the subject matter. 

C. Another character is accidentally discovered to be gay (he only appears in the one episode, if my memory serves), and some of the leads have the opportunity to share that for personal gain. However, even though he is a popular jock who is a bit of a jerk in the hallways, the show makes it clear that the right choice is still to leave the telling of that information up to him and him alone. 

Like I mentioned, it can’t be said that representation was in abundance here - for instance, I don’t believe anything other than straight or gay was presented as a possibility - but any accepting acknowledgement in a faith-centric series was something for me to hold on to in my still-deeply-closeted days. As a final Very Important personal side note, this show brought Judith Montgomery into my life (pictured below on the left), and that feels like it merits a shoutout for being what I consider a rather significant marker in my awakening. 

THE OVERWHELMING CRUSH I HAD - and still have - is one for the books. 

5. Pushing Daisies - This is another show with an aesthetic I adore. The series has such a fun, whimsical energy. The crime-solving! The clothes! The cast! There's a lot to love. It’s the kind of world I wish I could visit... well, minus the evidently rampant murder rate. 

Top 5 Overrated TV Shows

1. Once Upon A Time - *deep sigh* I tried to stick with it for so long. I think I’ve seen five out of the seven seasons in their entirety. It just felt like everything got mired down by excessive (and increasingly convoluted) subplots, often for the purpose of tossing in as many fairytale and/or Disney characters as possible. Plus, quite honestly, there was too much emphasis on romantic love. For a show whose first season involved a curse being broken by [potential spoiler, I suppose] a mother kissing her son’s forehead, I ultimately found myself up to my ears in romantic ships. It reached such a stifling extent that, if you were not particularly attached to those pairings, there wasn’t a whole lot else to entice further viewing. 

2. Under the Dome - I don’t know for certain what the general public opinion of this series was, but it felt like the commercials always featured alleged rave reviews, so I figured I could include it here. I was vaguely interested in Season 1, mainly as a fan of Rachelle Lefevre’s work. Season 2 pulled me in with the introduction of a new townsperson and I threw WAY too much of my heart into that attachment, which backfired when that character was killed. I made quite the spectacle of my heartbreak, so much so that my family doesn’t let me mention this show around them anymore. :P Season 3 was, to phrase it delicately, not a great time. The series did introduce me to a few new-to-me actors, though, so that was cool. 

3. Bates Motel - Even the incentive of learning that the two characters I liked most share a lot of screen time later in the series hasn’t been enough to call me back to this one. I don’t know if it was the pacing that put me off or what, but the prospect of finishing the remaining seasons feels so daunting. There are evidently five seasons in total and I believe I’ve only seen two of them thus far. I will probably muddle through it someday just to see how it goes, but the fact that I am so disinclined to prioritize it made this feel like a fair addition to the list. 

4. Lost - My interest in this series unfortunately waned right before fervent fandom spiked. I don’t have any specific complaints that come to mind about what I saw; I just sort of drifted and then stayed away. Teachers I liked and peers I spent time with were starting to latch on to the show and I couldn’t find even the slightest inclination to give it a second try. However, did I still dutifully read all the latest installments in my friend’s Sawyer Ford and Kate Austen fanfiction when she passed me handwritten copies at lunch? Sure. I was glad it made her happy, even if I was no longer a viewer. 

5. Hemlock Grove - I say this as someone who still mourns the fates of some characters in this show, so I wouldn’t go so far as to claim that the series stopped being able to make me feel anything. I’m just of the opinion that, in some ways, it might’ve been better off stopping at one season. That’s where the book it was based on ends, and things just didn’t feel as cohesive after that. Season 3 especially was - borrowing from my above review of Under the Dome - not a great time. That being said, there are also certain elements from the book that I could’ve done without in the Season 1 adaptation but... well... here we are. 

Top 5 Underrated TV Shows

1. Picnic at Hanging Rock - Another one that won’t surprise followers of this blog. I have rhapsodized about it quite frequently since I found it a little over a month ago. It’s a period piece mystery miniseries with LGBTQIA+ representation, gorgeous costumes, and Samara Weaving. This felt specifically designed to wedge its way into my heart, and I’m quite content with the space it now occupies.

2. Dark - I’m so intrigued by the overlapping timelines with all of the morally gray characters. It’s possible to like one of these people in the timeline where they’re young but dislike them as adults, or vice versa. It also makes me think of Rant by Chuck Palahniuk a little tiny bit with the idea that time travel, specifically tampering with your own timeline, might make you physically and behaviorally unrecognizable to yourself. And the SONG CHOICES! I have gotten some solid new music selections from this series. 

3. Sense8 - I still need to watch the finale. I really do. But I knew it would make me sad so I’ve avoided it for... two years now? Pretty close, I think. The concept is fascinating and the cast is so strong. Plus the cinematography! They came up with some of the coolest ways to depict the link these characters share and what it’s like when they connect over distance. The planning and careful editing it all must’ve taken... I remain in awe. 

4. Penny Dreadful - There were definitely some story/writing choices I didn’t particularly like along the way, but I did get engrossed in the creepy goodness and the performances -- Eva Green’s Vanessa Ives most of all. It left me wishing for more period piece “monster mash” stories, because having all those classic characters in one place was a blast. It also helped me understand why Helen McCrory was once slated to play Bellatrix Lestrange because she can be terrifying. Oh and Sarah Greene in her Wild West outfits? Perdita Weeks with short red hair in fencing garb, and later in all leather with boots and a long jacket? I WAS NOT PREPARED AND I HAVE STILL NOT RECOVERED. I NEVER WILL.

5. Wonderfalls - There’s some cringe-inducing handling of certain representation in the series, but I have such a weak spot for quippy outcasts who become reluctant chosen ones (Joan Girardi in Joan of Arcadia, Wynonna Earp, Jaye Tyler in this series, et cetera). I also really love the sibling dynamics here. They bicker, tease one another, help each other out of trouble, and have rare but genuine heart-to-hearts. Caroline, Lee, and Katie all did such a great job blending their characters’ adult personalities with certain childhood attributes that rise to the surface in the presence of family.  

Top 5 Movies

1. Addams Family Values - I’ve rewatched this movie at least once annually since I found it in Media Play at age 13. Usually, I’ll play it around Halloween or, at the latest, Thanksgiving. It’s mouth-along-with-every-line level ingrained in my memory. I find myself leaning forward in my seat before favorite parts because I’m still that excited to relive them. Why this movie, and why this devotion to such a degree? It’s hard to explain, even to myself. I can tell you, however, that I hold up every other portrayal of the Addams characters to the versions found in this. Everybody in the cast just feels that perfect for their part. 

2. Clue - I was already pretty fond of this movie to begin with, but then my sister got older and claimed it as a favorite of her own, so now she just supplies me with further excuses to watch it repeatedly. It’s also been a bonding piece of media with a couple of close friends and such through the years. It’s incredible to think not everyone in it was the first choice for their roles; what everybody brings to the table is so top-notch that I wouldn’t have it any other way. I also LOVE knowing that it originally went to theaters with different endings depending on which showing you attended. I gather people weren’t terribly thrilled with the stunt back then, but I kinda think some moviegoers would be into that approach these days? Then again, one hit that tried something different tends to start a fad, so maybe I’d end up regretting the suggestion after a while. :P

3. The Craft - This. Movie. Yes, Act III is a major bummer even though I know it’s coming, and I’ll always wish it ended differently. Even so. This. Movie. I tend to headcanon mostly for shows and sometimes books, but The Craft is a beloved exception. I love so much about it: the magic, the music, the clothes, the settings, the dynamics within the friend group, the performances. I had no idea when I first got the DVD at 17 that it would become such a part of my life, but I’m so glad it found its way to me. 

4. Romy and Michele’s High School Reunion - The soundtrack is a glorious ’80s and ’90s treat for my ears. The colorful costumes are perfectly suited to the main characters’ version of the world. There are so many great lines and it feels like everyone is having a lot of fun in their roles. I LOVE HEATHER MOONEY SO MUCH. She’s my awful, scathingly sarcastic, little grungy grump and she fills my heart with joy. 

5. The Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King - I was pretty sure at least one of the three had to appear on here. I think, if I were to tally them all up, The Return of the King features most of my favorite moments, so it wins the spot. “I can’t carry it for you, but I can carry you!”, ‘Edge of Night,’ Éowyn in battle, The Army of the Dead, ‘Into the West’... I end up crying during the end credits every time. So, yeah, ultimately, I would choose the third part of the trilogy if I could only watch one. 

Phew, that’s it! All the questions answered, all the shows and movies listed! Thank you to anyone who takes the time to read it all, and thanks again to @monaiargancoconutsoy for sending in the prompts! <3

[queermediastudies]

Blue, the Warmest Color? Or the Most Profitable Color?

Blue Is the Warmest Color is a 2013 French movie directed by Abdellatif Kechiche, which won a lot of rewards including the Palme d'Or and the FIPRESCI Prize. This is a three-hour film about the romance story of a 15-year-old high school girl, Adèle (starring Adèle Exarchopoulos) and a female artist Emma (starring Léa Seydoux). The entire story depicts carefully about Adèle’s growth from adolescence to middle age, accompanied by confusion and struggle for her sexual identity. 

At the beginning of this story, Adèle was dating a boy, Thomas. Once they were dating, Adèle passed by a blue-haired girl when crossing the road. After this encounter, Adèle woke up in a dream about making love with this girl. She was confused and embarrassed by this fantasy. When her best friend Valentin, an openly gay man found her unhappy, he took her to a gay bar for fun. But later, Adèle came out and entered a lesbian bar by chance, where she met (again) and started getting to know the blue-haired girl, Emma. Adèle and Emma became friends and hung out with each other frequently. And their romance relationship confirmed by a shared kiss when picnic. A few years later, Adèle realized her dream to become a primary school teacher; Emma was preparing her art exhibition, and their relationship was not passionate like it used to be. Adèle had a sexual relationship with her male colleague Antoine because of Emma’s indifference. After this was known by Emma, ​​she drove Adèle out of the home immediately and refused her apology. Although Adèle expressed her love for Emma again a few years later, could not recover the relationship. And Emma had formed a new family with her first love, Lise. 

At the end of the film, when Adèle attended Emma’s art exhibition and saw many portraits of her own, she chose to leave quickly, which also marked the complete end of this relationship. In general, this film records the whole story of Adèle and Emma in a very delicate way, trying to present the audience with true lesbian life detail. And the goal of making the audience get involved in the real-life of the LGBTQIA community can contribute to the sympathy and understanding of them to a certain extent, which is conducive to the diversity of the media. But I critic that this film is still unable to break away from the use of lesbian love as the strategy “for creating ‘edgy’ programming and attracting a wide range of viewers” (Kohnen, 2015). And many descriptions in this film deepen the audience’s misunderstanding of the lesbian group.

Firstly, this film does a great job of recording Adèle’s life detail. For example, she always has a messy hair, she will open her mouth when sleeping, and she loves biting the bottom of the pen when she reads. When she gets lost or drunk, the film’s scene will shake and be a blur, just as seen from Adèle’s perspective. When she in the literature class, the shots keep switching to the teacher’s lecture and the students’ distraction because of the boring content. As a viewer, I can also feel that this content was very boring. The film recorded all these tiny details by using this first-person perspective technique to make Adèle just like a friend in our own life, or actually, she is ourselves. I believe to depict a character on a very personal level is a great strategy to promote the audience’s understanding. And this method also mentioned in the Goltz’s article for finding an effective term to refers to gay or lesbian in Kenyan language context, that one man focus on “there was more to him than his sexuality and that he was ‘beyond being homosexual or being a gay man’ ” and “ ‘to come out as me and not to highlight his sexuality, preferring to ‘talk about me, about my life, not about my queer life” (Goltz et al, 2016).

The tricky thing is that even though this film wants to show the real-life of lesbian, it almost becomes the most controversial lesbian movie because of the ten-minute (or even longer) lesbian sex scene. In fact, I was super embarrassed when I watch this scene because I invited all my roommates to watch this film together as a celebration of the weekend. I am not an extremely conservative person, I mean, the sex scene in this film is simply porn-level, so that we had to turn down the volume and made some jokes to cover up our embarrassment. Firstly, there was no background music in this scene, only big gasps instead and the sound of skin rubbing. Secondly, the scene boldly shows female whole body, without cover. In addition, the two actresses are very good in shape, without flaw or even pubic hair. This is the most confusing place for me. On the one hand, the director wants to present the most authentic lesbian life, which even refuses the background music at the sex scene; on the other hand, it idealizes the female body just as the male gaze, the flawless body, and the perfect shape.

Interestingly, the original author of this story, Julie Maroh expressed the same shock as me. She rated the most lacking in this film is lesbian, and aired her suspicion that there were no lesbians present onset (Romney, 2013). And “a brutal and surgical display, exuberant and cold, of so-called lesbian sex, which turned into porn” (Sciolino, 2013). Maroh replied in the interview, “everyone was giggling. Heterosexuals laugh at because they don’t understand it and find the scene ridiculous. The gay and queer people laughed because it’s not convincing, and find it ridiculous; and among the only people (who) we didn’t hear giggling were guys too busy feasting their eyes on an incarnation of their fantasies on screen” (Sciolino, 2013). When I learned that the director and both two actresses are straight, this makes more sense.

Director Kechiche labels himself as an unconditional devotee of realism. “I don’t want it to look like life,” he says of his cinema. “I want it to actually be life. Real moments of life, that's what I’m after” (Romney, 2013). But at the same time, he also admitted that his purpose is to idealize the female body (Sciolino, 2013). He explained, “Like paintings, or sculptures” (Romney, 2013). Ms. Seydoux counters the Kechiche’s use of the so-called real lesbian sex scene as an eyebrow-raising directly. When the reporter used “several unsimulated sex scenes” to ask Ms. Seydoux, she interrupted immediately, “Be careful, they are simulated. We were wearing prostheses” (Sciolino, 2013). Ms. Exarchopoulos used the word manipulation to describe the director's guidance for them. For both actresses, the filming process was horrible and indicated that they would no longer work with Kechiche (Stern, 2013).

(Léa Seydoux, Adèle Exarchopoulos, and Abdellatif Kechiche won the Palme d'Or.) 

It can be said that this film is successful in regards to cultural diversity as brand management. This movie has received a high honor, people should know it is the first film to have the Palme d'Or awarded to both the director and the (two) lead actresses (RFI, 2013). Not only that, but the film also performed not bad at the box office. It can be said that this is a work that has gained a good reputation and attracted the audience through brand management of cultural diversity. But as Kohnen mentioned, “the strategic use of LGBTQ content to signify edginess has not disappeared” (2015). Lesbian movies, especially those including so-called real lesbian sex scenes, are not only targeting the group that supports LGBTQIA and cultural diversity but also a straight (especially male) group who wants to satisfy their own sexual fantasies. Although shocked, it is important to know that Lesbian has been the most popular porn search term for porn sites (Lufkin, 2016).

So I have been thinking about whether lesbian movies are the most cost-effective thing. Due to the brand management of cultural diversity, LGBTQIA films can gain a good social reputation, because more or less they are showing/facilitating the spread of cultural diversity. On the other hand, this type of film caters to the Queer Market, as we mentioned the homonormativity, “depoliticized gay culture anchored in domesticity and consumption” (Duggan, 2002). In addition, a large number of heterosexual groups who want to satisfy their sexual fantasies/curiousness are attracted to the cinema.

The toughest point is that, as mentioned above, the director's purpose is to idealize the female body. And the two actresses clarified their heterosexual identity immediately after the processing of the film. Everyone has made a profit from this lesbian-themed film, but everyone is trying to getting rid of any suspicious of homosexuality identity after making a profit.

As an Asian (I used to believe myself as) straight woman, I have to admit that this film started to make me doubt my own sexual orientation. When I was watching this film, I would involuntarily introduce myself to Adèle’s role, and I found Emma to be a very charming woman. In the film, Emma's hair is blue in the first half and light brown in the second half of the film. The blue hair period is the sweetest time for her and Adèle. I think that Emma was really attractive at that time. And the second half with the light brown hair is the period that her relationship with Adèle is about to burst. I think this is why the film's name is Blue Is The Warmest Color. In fact, in the original comics, all the scenes are black and white, except that Emma's hair is blue, and the intuitive contrast that comic can present can more express this theme.

I have always lived in a heterosexual culture community. The heteronormative in Asian culture is more ingrained than Western culture, so I never thought about my sexual orientation. It’s like I also cannot figure out the sexual orientation of Adèle. She did not show any love for women other than Emma, and she had an affair with a man, not a woman. By watching this film, I am rethinking whether it is a wise choice to define sexual orientation based on gender. I love a person because of the gender of that person, or because that person is that person.

In general, I would think this film is a good movie, especially from the contribution that made me rethink my own identity. But when I know more about the story behind this film, the harder it is for me to evaluate it from the work itself. Everything became complicated when lesbian-themed movies/televisions connect with cultural diversity brand management, homonormativity, Queer Market, and even male sexual fantasy.

Reference:

Duggan, L. (2002). Equality, Inc. The Twilight of Equality? (PP. 43-66). Beacon Press, Boston.

Goltz, D. B., Zingsheim, J., Mastin, T., & Murphy, A. G. (2016). Discursive negotiations of Kenyan LGBTI identities: Cautions in cultural humility. Journal of International and Intercultural Communication, 9(2).

Kohnen, M. (2015). Cultural Diversity as Brand Management in Cable Television. Media Industries Journal, 2(2).

Lufkin, B. (2016). The Most Popular Porn Searches in Every State. Gizmodo.

RFI. (2013). Blue is the warmest color team win Palme d'Or at Cannes 2013. archive.org. https://web.archive.org/web/20130608102433/http://www.english.rfi.fr/culture/20130526-wins-palme-dor-cannes-2013

Romney, J. (2013). Abdellatif Kechiche interview: 'Do I need to be a woman to talk about love between women?'. the Guardian.

Sciolino, E. (2013). Darling of Cannes Now at Center of Storm. Nytimes.com.

Stern, M. (2013). The Stars of ‘Blue is the Warmest Color’ On the Riveting Lesbian Love Story. The Daily Beast.

[mattie-bo-baddie]

Celebration of Life and the Forgotten Eulogy

Today, we had a small Celebration of Life for my husband. I will finally have the chance to give the eulogy that I didn’t get to at his funeral (long story, we’ll talk about that one some other time.

I would’ve thought having a month to work on it would’ve made it easier.... but no, not at all. 

So after a month of thinking about it and a whole damn night writing it out, here’s the eulogy I gave today.

This is the most difficult thing I have ever written.

I originally wrote that sentence a month ago, I had no idea what it really meant.  It had only just begun really. A month later, and this hasn’t gotten any fucking easier.

I have stood and spoken in front of people countless times throughout my life, both within the LGBTQIA community and out; I have taught classes, I have performed like a badly trained fool for charity, I have stood (multiple times *god what were we thinking*) in front of a panel of judges and in front of my community and bared my soul. But this? Standing in front of you all now and speaking these words? This is the only time that it has ever truly mattered. 

Because I am standing here, somehow trying to come up with the words that will do him justice. 

How in the fuck can I possibly sum up this larger than life, amazing, ridiculous, generous, infuriating asshole of a great man who was my other half for the last 18 years? The man who has seen me at my very best and at my absolute worst. The man who I have loved and hated, the man I have called every name under the sun. The man who made me laugh and made me scream. The man who stood at my side and shared a life. He is the man who met a silly immature child and helped me become the woman I am now standing before you.

It's so hard to write this, because he was so many things to so many people. He led so many lives. He was a husband, a Son, a father, a brother, a Sister, a friend, an enemy (to all of us, at least once), a hero, a confidante, a Master and Sir who lived to serve. 

But above all else, he was Family to us all.

Life is not perfect and neither was he. Life with him was not always easy, but I would go through the hardest times 100x over again just to have one more day with him. 

He was the most stubborn man I have ever met, you could not tell him he was wrong when an idea got into his head. But am I too, so we butted heads, we fought - after all we are true to our South City nature.

But that stubbornness is what led to the passion in which he approached life. When he set his mind to something, when the right idea got into his head, he would do anything to make it happen.

He had a temper, dear lord did he. His anger was a constant demon in his head. But that temper led him to fight for those of us in need and he tried to turn that anger to a driving force to light the fire in others. He was so incensed by injustice, unjustified hatred and the ISMs of this world, that it spurred him to show love and support to all and to fight for all of his siblings.

He was not a man that could sit by the sidelines and watch others do the work. Every group or organisation we’ve been a part of, he was the first to volunteer his time and his energy. 

So many of us, he helped by simply listening. He could talk to anyone. He didn’t see color, gender, orientation, your social status, or the content of your bank account - he saw the person, the human being hiding under all the labels. And people were drawn to him for that. He was so often the strength for us around him. 

He would never say, but he was always worried about what others thought of him. So many times he feared that he appeared weak in front of others, because of some error he may have made, or thought he made. He worried how others saw him, not for his own pride, but because he never wanted people to think that they couldn’t come to him, that he couldn't be their strength. So, he was the tough strong man. He was starting to understand that it was never weakness, but his humanity, that people saw and that they thought no less of him for it.

But one of his greatest qualities was when that fear, that worry dropped and he let himself be silly. If you saw the photos at his service (at the bar… wherever) you know! He was beautiful when he let himself be free. And yes, I know how pissed he is at me for showing them to everyone.

But that is how I want you all to remember him, with that big, beautiful, goofy lop-sided smile on his face. Remember that ridiculous infectious laugh that you could hear from across a crowded room. 

Something that was so incredibly important to him, part of the reason we traveled so often, is that he loved to make connections and to bring people together. He would always say that one of the most important things you can do in this life is introduce one person you love to another person you love and to grow your family. One tiny little silver lining in all this is how he has still managed to do that, even in his death. I have spent the last month crying, seeing the connections made at his service, people from all over, across the spectrum sharing a drink or a meal in his honor, at the conversations that have been shared between people that may have never met otherwise. To see the impact this man made on so many lives has been overwhelming and humbling to say the least.

One last thing I want to share before I go. As many of you know, I am a giant nerd. Him? He wasn’t so much. I did manage to get my influences in though. He made Red Shirt jokes, usually answered “42” whenever I said, I have a question, and though he grumbled at seeing the first one,  he was the first to suggest seeing the second Fantastic Beasts movie in the theaters.

One of my greatest accomplishments was getting him to watch an episode of Doctor Who. While he tolerated many of my nerdier tendencies, for some reason, he really dug his heels in on that one. So when he finally agreed, after over ten years of pestering, to watch one episode, I knew I had to choose wisely. I went with my favorite episode, Vincent and the Doctor. He loved it. May have even been a bit red-eyed by the end.

For any Whovians, you know how bittersweet it is that this is the episode he watched and loved.

For those that aren’t, here’s why. In the episode, The Doctor and his companion, Amy, travel back in time to meet Vincent Van Gogh, a brilliant eccentric painter, who as we know, suffered greatly from depression. He was also a man who saw the world in a unique and powerful way and only ever wanted to share how he saw it with others. There is a beautiful moment in the episode, where our heroes bring Vincent to the present so he can see his work is on display in one of the most prominent Art Museums of the world, to show him that the world would someday know how truly brilliant he was and how truly loved he is. The heartbreaking moment though, is that this is not enough to quiet the demons in his head; his life ended too soon.

This episode also has my favorite quote from all of Doctor Who, which, surprise surprise, fits right now. 

"The way I see it, every life is a pile of good things and… bad things. The good things don’t always soften the bad things, but vice versa, the bad things don’t necessarily spoil the good things or make them unimportant."

And Sir, you definitely added to my pile of good things.

[aspec-stories-blog]

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Since it doesn’t show up when you submit something on mobile, here is what’s written on our “Submit something!” page:

“Please check out our “Submission guidelines” page before submitting something to us! Then, before you click “Submit,” please do the following: 1. Make sure to include any of the following content warnings that are relevant: body-hatred, eating disorder implication (anything beyond a mention), and gore. Write them in the first line (under the title, before the body of your submission) so that our mods are aware of the warnings before they start reading. 2. SAVE A COPY OF YOUR WORK!!! Tumblr has a nasty habit of eating submissions, and we don’t want it to accidentally delete the only copy of your writing before we can post it! Submitted content that is posted to our blog will be directly credited to the URL you submit from, unless otherwise specified. Thank you! We look forward to reading your work!”

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What can people submit?

One of our main goals here is to help inspire and share writing about and for aspec people, so we ask that authors stick to that demographic as much as possible. And since there’s not a ton of writing out there about aspec people and experiences, there’s so much for all of us to explore! Poems and song lyrics! Short stories and multi-part series! Character ideas and story concepts! Fanfiction and original ideas! Comics! Movie scripts! Whatever you want to create!! Want to write about an aromantic adventurer in a fantasy world? A budding queerplatonic relationship between college students? A demisexual scientist inventing time travel? Do it!!! We’re SO excited to read your works, and we’re sure there will be plenty of others here who are, too! Don’t want to write an entire story? That’s cool, too! You can submit writing prompts; book, fic, song, show, or movie recommendations; writing tips; aspec positivity and support—as long as it’s relevant to the blog and follows our policies, it’s fair game!

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Topics that we will NOT post to the blog

Content warning: there are mentions of many triggering topics in this section.

We definitely want to allow y’all lots of freedom for exploration in your submissions, but also—first and foremost—we want Aspec Stories to be a safe and supportive place for aspec people of all ages, identities, and experiences. To help promote that positive environment, we (the mods) have decided to make all of the following topics off-limits in submissions and on the blog in general:

Animal cruelty

Child abuse

Discrimination or hate towards any members of the LGBTQIA+ community

Explicit* childbirth

Explicit* corrective rape (or explicit rape of any kind)

Explicit* disordered eating

Explicit* experience of conversion therapy

Explicit* gun violence

Explicit* self-harm

Explicit* sexual activity (specifically NSFW content, e.g. no porn, smut, or lemons)

Explicit* sexual assault

Explicit* suicide

Explicit* use of hard drugs and/or illicit substances (with the exception of marijuana and alcohol, though we may choose not to allow them if we feel that your representation of their use is inappropriate for this blog. We will contact you directly if that is the case.)

Explicit* verbal or physical abuse

Extreme body horror (i.e. we define body horror as “altering a character’s body in grotesque or seemingly painful ways.” This does NOT include disabled bodies, burn victims, amputees, or people with scars. It is meant for situations that are out of the ordinary.  Please use your discretion—we’ll contact you directly if we feel that you have included body horror that is too disturbing to publish on this blog.)

Hardcore gore (i.e. gore may be included in submissions, but please use your discretion—we’ll contact you directly if we feel that you have included too much or that it is too disturbing to publish on this blog.)

Inappropriate treatment of minors in general (i.e. please use your discretion when writing about characters who are minors, including characters who are canonically minors who you have aged-up for the sake of your story. We’ll contact you directly if we think that your treatment of underage characters is problematic in any way.)

Incest

Hateful slurs

Pedophilia

Racial slurs, specifically

Unaddressed discrimination of any kind (i.e. while discrimination may be included as part of a character’s experience, it should not go unaddressed within the story. We will contact you directly if we feel that any discrimination represented in your submission is poorly addressed or otherwise inappropriate for this blog.)

Unnecessary violence (i.e. violence that seems unnecessarily cruel or seems as though it serves no purpose to the story being told)

We doubt that most of these topics are things y’all would want to write about, anyways, but we want to share this list to let you know that we’re watching out for you! If you think that anything else should be added to this list of off-limits topics, please message us or send us an ask!

If your submission includes any of the above topics, we will NOT post it to the blog. We’ll contact you at the URL that you submitted from to let you know that we’ve decided not to publish your work. Depending on the situation, if you are willing to edit out the off-limits content we may consider reviewing your submission again for posting.

If you feel that a submission that we have already posted on the blog violates our policy of off-limits topics, please send us a direct message and we’ll address it as soon as we possibly can.

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*To clarify on the starred topics: When we say “explicit” we mean “writing (or art) that shows said topic happening within the submission.” Topics such as abuse, self-harm, etc. may exist within your writing, but only indirectly or in mention. For example: we will not allow an explicitly shown or described (NSFW) sex scene, but if characters are talking about their relationships with sex without getting into NSFW detail that’s totally fine (we’ll just tag it as a content warning). Please contact us if you have any questions about this!

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How do I submit something?

If you have something you’d like to have posted on Aspec Stories, read through this list to find out how to best share it with us:

Is it a poem, short story, longer written work, visual art, character blurb, or something of that nature? Send it to us via our “Submit something!” page, please!

Is it a writing prompt, writing tip, some form of media recommendation, message of positivity, or something similar? Also send these to us via the “Submit something!” page!

Do you have a question or comment for us about the blog or one of our posts? Send it to us via the “Ask something!” page, or send us a direct message! We’ll be happy to hear from you!

Want to introduce yourself to the blog’s community? Visit the “A couple more notes on submissions” section of this page!

When in doubt, send it to us as a submission via our “Submit something!” page! Most of the things we post will be user-submitted, and sending us content via our “Submit something!” page is the best way for us to give you credit for your work.

Other than that, please make sure you’re following our policies for topics that we do and do not allow on the blog. Then just follow the final requests that we’ve included on the “Submit something!” page, and click the submit button! We’re excited to see what you send us!

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How can I have my submission posted anonymously?

Step one: please don’t submit writing to us via anonymous asks!! Please!! That could get very confusing for us mods, especially if your work is long and you send it to us as multiple anonymous asks. We might actually cry if that happens. Especially if tumblr eats part of your work. Or you send us 20 asks and we’re not sure what order they’re meant to go in. Please… please don’t make us cry.

Instead, just include this note in one of the first lines of your submission (under the title but before the body of your work): “post as anon”. Easy! When we see that note, we’ll copy and paste the contents of your submission into a brand new post, then tag it as “author: anon”. We (the mods) will still see the URL you submit from in our inbox, but when we post your submission to the blog it will be completely anonymous. And please don’t feel weird about us knowing your URL! We won’t share it with anyone and we won’t contact you unless we need to (like if your submission includes an off-limits topic). And honestly, we probably won’t remember it after 5 minutes. No worries—we promise!

If you’d like us to post your submission anonymously but use a pseudonym instead of “anon”, write the note like this: “post as anon, author: [pseudonym]” (for example: “post as anon, author: Doodleoo McGee”). We’ll do all the same things to post it anonymously, but just use the “author: [pseudonym]” tag in place of our default “author: anon” tag (which will make it easier for you to find later).

**Note that if you use a pseudonym that another person has already claimed, we’ll contact you to ask for a new one. If we don’t hear back from you in a few days, we’ll just add some numbers to the end of your original pseudonym and call it good.

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A couple more notes on submissions

There are a few things about specific types of submissions that we want to clarify!

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Our weekly prompts

Each week (on Aspec Saturday), we’ll post a new prompt that’s meant to help people come up with ideas for submissions. Your submissions don’t HAVE to be related to these prompts—they’re just for extra inspiration! But, to help keep things organized, we’ll be tagging all submissions that we think are in response to the weekly prompts with an extra tag: “weekly prompt # (Month Year)”. All other submissions (unrelated to the weekly writing prompts) will be tagged as “general submission”. Please visit the “Our tags” page for more info about our tagging system!

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Submitting your own writing prompts

You are more than welcome to submit writing prompts for us to share! Usually we’ll just post these as regular submissions with the tag “general submission”. If anyone submits something in response to your prompt, it will also be tagged as a “general submission” (otherwise it would get really tricky to keep track of everything).

If we think that your prompt would be a cool one to use as one of our weekly writing prompts, we’ll contact you and ask if we can save your prompt for an upcoming week. If you’d rather we just post it as a regular submission we will, but if you’re ok with us using the prompt, we’ll post it on one of our Aspec Saturdays! All credit for the writing prompt will go to you as you’ve specified!

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Submitting visual works

This blog will mostly be for sharing writing, but if you’re inspired to create some aspec art, please send it our way! Keep in mind that all the submission and community guidelines apply to visual art submissions just as they do to written ones.

Since we’re working to make this an accessible blog, all the images we post will include written image descriptions. We’re prepared to write these descriptions ourselves, but we would be very appreciative if you took the time to describe your own art! If you’ve never described an image before, it’s easy to get the hang of and very very helpful for people who are blind or visually impaired. And especially if you regularly post artwork online, this would be a good skill to learn!

Here are some resources to help you get started with writing image descriptions, from another accessible tumblr blog: [link]

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Community intros

We’re hoping to gather a community of aspec writers, readers, and artists together with this blog. If you’d like to introduce yourself to the other members of the community—at any time—just send us an ask with a little bit about yourself that you’d like us to share!

If it’s NOT an anon ask, we’ll tag it with “author: [your URL]” and “community intro!”

If it IS an anon ask, we’ll tag it with “author: anon” and “community intro!”

We look forward to meeting you!!

[oasis-nadrama]

Patriarchal repurposing of a feminist approach

Oasis Nadrama, 02/02/2019

[Content warning: mention of misogyny and various LGBTQIA+phobias]

Unicorn hunting is a toxic trend affecting polyamorous communities.

In this text, we will work exclusively with the following definition of unicorn hunters: a cisgender heterosexual man and a cisgender woman looking for a cisgender bisexual woman in order to form an exclusive romantic and sexual triad with rules predetermined by the couple.

Other varieties exist, and other varieties may or may not be problematic, but this is the variety we will focus on, since it is a common and recurring problem.

A lot has already been written about how unicorn hunting is destructive, delusional and unethical (see Unicorns-R-Us, To Unicorn Hunters From an Ex-Unicorn or You Cannot 'Add Someone To Your Relationship').

In this article, we are going to introduce a more deontological argument. Unicorn hunting is not polyamory. Polyamory is a fundamentally feminist relationship philosophy, while unicorn hunting is fundamentally misogynistic, lesbophobic, biphobic and transphobic.

  ABOUT POLYAMORY'S FUNDAMENTALLY FEMINIST NATURE

  While it is true various forms of multi-partner relationships and free love have existed since the dawn of times, polyamory is not synonymous with "multiple partners" or "true love". It is commonly defined as “ethical non-monogamy”.

Numerous examples of such configurations can be found in non-Western cultures. Hoa-tun, Gilyak, Aleut, Marquesan, Bororo, Tibetan, Nepalese, Yoeme, Maasai cultures, amongst others, practiced (and often still practice) various forms of open ethical relationships.

In North America, the Comanches were traditionally polyamorous, complete with free decision-making and the metamour concept (men married to the same women were called "brothers").

In China, the Mosuo model, where women decide to accept or to refuse a man for the night, is both close to relationship anarchy and empowering for women.

In past Western European societies, which we tend to envision as monogamous, exclusivity was not always the rule in intimate relationships. Still, monogamy was common, and became the rule under the twin influences of capitalism and patriarchy. Then, between the 1800s and the 1960s, various anarchists, feminists and complex marriage practitioners laid out the foundations of the western polyamory movement.

George Sand, Frida Kahlo or Simone de Beauvoir enthusiastically and often publicly practiced some form of sexual and emotional open relationships. They were all progressive, revolutionary, anarchist figures, they were all queer women and they were all feminists.

Starting with the 70s, what were until now unspoken rules of conduct among sexually open and free-thinking individuals began to coalesce into a structure of rules and practices that are still recognisable in today's polyamourous behaviours.

In the following decade, practices corresponding all of the current principles of polyamory can be observed amongst USA radical feminists in the 70s.

(The recent queer series "When We Rise" shows on occasion how these feminist/lesbian communities practiced open, equal relationships.)

In the 80s-90s, the word "polyamory" started being used in the United States to refer to multiple ethical relationships based on knowledge and consent of all involved partners (there is a popular rumour pretending that the term was coined by a pagan couple, the Z-R, but we won’t talk about them here). A woman named Wesp founded the Usenet community which started popularizing the term, discussing and archiving the practices, with a specific accent on female empowerment.

One of the first books written on modern polyamory was “Love Without Limits”, as soon as 1992. Dr. Anapol, a feminist clinical psychologist, columnist and lecturer, later enriched and republished her work as “Polyamory: The New Love Without Limits”. Anapol spent her life advocating for polyamory and organizing the community; she was one of the founders of the modern movement.

In 1997, two feminist queer women, Easton & Hardy, synthetized previous practices and observations, with added suggestions, in "The Ethical Slut". This famous book start from sex positivity and emancipation from compulsory, alienating monogamy, and then develops a theory for the gestion of multiple relationships.

More recent references include Veaux & Rickert's “More than Two” and Patterson's "Love's Not Color Blind: Race and Representation in Polyamorous and Other Alternative Communities". In the academic world, Dr. Zelaika Hepworth Clarke (clinical sexologist and social worker) published important finding on polyamory. (Clarke is one of many POC leaders in the USA polyamorous community.)

Women, feminist women, have always been at the heart of polyamory.

One can also note the workings of polyamory empower women, for they neutralize rivalry mechanisms and favorize honesty, consent, and exploration of other romantic and sexual inclinations (including exploration of aromantism or asexuality), while redistribution domestic and emotional labour and dismantling the structure of the kyriarchic nuclear family.

Historically and practically, polyamory is a feminist relationship philosophy, period.

(One could also make an argument for polamory being an inherently queer, anticapitalist, anticolonialist and/or anarchist movement, but those are different matters.)

   ABOUT UNICORN HUNTING'S FUNDAMENTALLY MISOGYNYSTIC (ETC) NATURE

 Unicorn hunting is fundamentally misogynistic, lesbophobic, biphobic and transphobic.

It is misogynistic because it aims towards the satisfaction of the cis man, conceives woman/woman relationships as "nonthreatening" and aims to limit the women's romantic and sexual life while broadening the man's.

It it lesbophobic because, once again, it conceives woman/woman relationships as "nonthreatening", and more than often sexually objectifies them.

It is biphobic because it instrumentalizes bi/pansexual women, their romantic and sexual life, while limiting the extent of their experiences in the area; plus it mainly targets single bisexual women and then imposes a set of rules upon them.

It is transphobic because it routinely does not take trans women into account, often rejects them (or fetishizes them), entirely forgets about nonbinary individuals (or erases them by regarding AFAB nonbinary individuals as women).

   HOW PATRIARCHY IS TRYING TO REPURPOSE POLYAMORY

 Since the dominant culture is patriarchal and cishet men are educated to be extremely assertive, entitled and sex-demanding, and to see cisgender women as a resource for sex, emotional support and physical affection, we see repeted attempts of appropriation and repurposing of polyamory for the men’s satisfaction.

This is the origin of the "polymale" (word used in French polyamorous circles, meaning a cishet male womanizer who only joins the movement in order to collect as many lovers as he can, completely disregarding notions of honesty, listening, support, etc, and discarding people as he sees fit) and "unicorn hunting" behaviors.

This is the origin of people saying "Don’t judge", "Let the love flows", "Be free", "Polyamory is whatever you want it to be".

This is the origin of entire polyamorous groups getting invaded by unicorn hunters and polymales, while separate-dating, queer individuals and feminism become secondary or erased entirely, to the point of often being seen as anomalies. Posts such as "I only see couples here, and the single women are fishing for their husbands, and people tell me I’m intolerant for dating separately!" start to multiply.

In such cases, a polyamorous community becomes no longer polyamorous, no longer subversive or healthy in any way. It just starts following the modern injonction of mandatory sex for women so popular since the sexual revolution.

It just becomes another incarnation of patriarchy.

Do not let this happen. Fight for feminism and polyamory.

[mytherapistthinksiamfunny]

Remember The Titans and Black Lives Matter

I learned American History from Hollywood films and pop culture during the Bush Administration. 

My 6th grade teacher was horrified to see my potential wasting away on the frivolity of Based on True Event sport blockbusters and Remakes of Dystopian Nightmares, Sarcastic Teeny Bop Melodramas. 

Or, worse, the Hippy Dippy Nonsense genres that encouraged the youth to remain ignorant Sheeple With A Death Wish like Jackass or Gossip Girl

Despite how that sounds, he wasn’t a condescending prick. He was a good man with very high standards for media that he came off as a snob. Because he was. A snob. With so much nerd rage. That’s what made us bond.

You see, I’m a snob too. I had to be. I am the daughter of immigrants. And I grew up during the Bush Administration. 

I grew up during a time of Prop 187, El Nino, El Morro, Thalia Y Tomy Motola y el secuestro, Pasale Paisano, anti-Cuba sentiment, Fake News, Columbine, Hanging Chads, 9/11/01, Pseudo-Fascism, WMDs, Jingoism, Patriot Acts, They’re Gonna Follow Us Home, Shakira, Katrina, George W Bush Hates White People Kanye Scandal, Militia, NRA Guantanamo, Dixie Chicks, A Day Without A Mexican, Selena the Movie, El CHupacabra, End of the American Dream, Once In A Lifetime Breaking News TRL Britney Once In A Lifetime Civil Unrest Breaking News Breaking News Narco Corridos Breaking News Miramax Breaking News Anthrax Breaking News Marylin Manson, Las Hijas De Juarez, Eugenio Derbez, La Escuelita,  Los Tigeres Del Norte, Los Tucanes De Tijuana, Napster, Metallica Some Kind of Monster, Bono, Apple, Pixar, MySpace, AIM, new tech every 6 months, cell phones, Reggeaton, Walter Mercado Primer Impacto, American Idol,

To boot, I am the daughter of immigrants. Who were hyper-Catholic. And narcissists. And abusive. And alcoholics. Who were allergic to stability, progress, open-mindedness, or anything conducive to raising children in a global crisis. 

So I had to be selective about the media that I consumed. Because my mother was a Batman Villain, my paternal-figure was a reluctant father unwilling to abandon his fuckboi ways for his family, and my brother and I were left to our own devices to figure out how to raise ourselves and our parents. We sucked at it. And years later we are paying for trying.

So, while navigating the highs and lows of our own puberty-induced hormonal roller coaster, we had to think quick and raise our 2nd-adolescence shit show of a parental unit.

We were parentalized. I didn’t know it at the time, but that is what happened to us.

What I did know at the time is that I needed to figure out how to live. Come up with a division of labor within the family unit and ensure that everyone played their role. You know, like the mother typically does.

And in order to play my role, I had to be studious of this different culture. Not just American culture. Not just teen culture. Not just Mexican culture. But all of them. Somehow, I had to find a way to navigate life. Since the age of 9 years old.

It’s exhausting having to be the adult of the house. I did not have a chance to be a child. Or matter to anyone. So I learned to matter to myself.

I learned not to trust anyone to be part of my support system because the people who were supposed to show me what that looked like were emotionally unavailable. And they stubbornly refused to divorce because that would mean they had failed their culture and religion and would be ostracized from the communities made of individuals they hated but stubbornly worked to impress and fit into.

And that meant that I befriended a strange array of really awesome people who made me feel seen and heard and understood. Like this Santa Clause-looking white dude with a motorcycle fetish and a kind touch with prepubescent girls with culture shock and daddy issues. Best of all, he was genuine. And sweet. And not at all inappropriate with children. That’s not sarcasm. He was not inappropriate with me or anyone else that I knew of. He truly was a great teacher.

Which is why I tried to keep in touch with him long after 6th grade. He was a computer nerd and introduced me to the wonder of the internet. And internet humor. And being opinionated. He was my Big Guy Bow Tie.

His opinion meant so much to me and I wanted to please him so badly.

And not once did he cross a line that would make it harder for me to thrive and move past the other trauma I was being exposed to. 

How sad that I feel compelled to reiterated that he never diddled me. Sad for his reputation and sad that I have come to terms with how vulnerable I was to predators. 

He was a real one.

I knew that my feelings were not normal in the broader sense of the word. But I understood that it was all I had to work with  and make magic with it. So I figured out that I would have to be very guarded and selective with my time, effort, and social circle. Which often meant I was the smart young adult in a group of what I thought were sophisticated adults but were really ghost of my future if I did not get past my daddy issues in a healthy way.

By the time I got to high school, I was the weird kid

I had no idea how I got there. But I had to figure out how to follow my passion without wasting my potential.

My passion is art. Specifically, music. But in general? Art. Books, Poetry. Knowledge.

And because that wasn’t complicated enough: I was discovering my own sexuality. 

And the first born first generation Mexican American with hyper Catholic parents.

I may as well have come out as a supporter of the Axis of Evil

They would never understand that I was ACTUALLY part of the Axis of Awesome

They would not understand. It would be lost in translation

So I had to learn to be silent with my truth. Forever hiding in the shadows and wondering when my life might begin

It began when I learned that the library was my escape. That I could learn about anything I wanted with very basic tools and that my ingenuity would get me far

But what does any of this have to do with Remember The Titans? Or Black Lives Matter?

Well... everything.

Because in addition to my parents being old fashioned and abusive, they were also closet racists. I had to teach myself not to ingrain their prejudices as I trusted them to keep me alive. I had to walk a very fine line between Daddy’s Girl and Daddy Issues. A fine line between Mommy’s Little Princess and Mother Knows Best and No The Fuck You Don’t.

And I managed to do that with the renaissance of black content creators in the early 2000s. Remember the Titans was a favorite of mine. 

Little did I know

I was teaching myself to experience different cultures without appropriating them. I found what I was into and I immersed myself in it.

But I hid it. I silenced my opinions and tried to keep the peace. For the sake of my family.

That did not work. Shocking.

But I was left with the realization that even though my effort was wasted with my nuclear war of a family, I learned valuable lessons that I taught myself. Including that Black Lives Matter, anyone who has trouble acknowledging that needs to grow the fuck up and learn something cause we’re running out of time and ain’t nobody got time for ignorance an fear with a mad man in the white house.

And I don’t want to miss out on my life simply because I come from dysfunction and am constantly playing catch-up to understand what normal is and how to achieve it

I am not alone in this. I come from a generation of American children who learned to cope with complex issues of race, politics, satire, drugs, over-medication. self-medication, financial irresponsibility, weaponized faith and ignorance. It was the dawn of the age of the Basket of Deplorables. And Millenials were caught in the crossfire. I was caught. And I learned. Black. Lives. Matter. Women have voices and opinions that matter and a feminine point of view is crucial to the success of any business endeavor. I taught myself feminism and  committed to its intersectionality before I knew it may be a word the dictionary I owned was missing. I learned that words matter because language has power. I tasted the crispness of that juicy apple from the tree of knowledge. And I wanted to marinate in its juices until i was good and goddamn ready to be tasted and known myself.

Oh yeah, I learned my Daddy Issues manifest themselves in a need to sexually please emotionally unavailable men.

So I chose as wisely as I could. You know, what with the inmates running the asylum 

But my god am I into drummers! And linebackers! And Cheating Ass Marine�� Motherfuckers With Secret Families in Portland who Ghost a Bitch Just When She’s About to Fall!!!

My picker is off. I learned that phrase from Loveline. Another resource in my quest to exist in my natural state

Having to twist myself into a pretzel to please the un-pleasable was unsuccessful. 

So I stopped and focused on my real family. My chosen family. Those who care if I live, die, have food and rent money, and ask me to text them when I get home so they know I am safe. Those people. My people. I go hard for them. And they are various heights, weight-classes, political affiliations, complexions. because I learned that black lives matter. As well as Asian American Lives. And Migrant Lives. And Femme Lives. And LGBTQIA+ Lives. In essence, ALL LIVES MATTER INCLUDING BLACK LIVES. Because life is too hard in it’s natural state to be excluding people from We The People. Because the America I Still Believe in does not allow for any of this maga shit to stand

Because we need to be allies for each other against the real danger to this country. 

Internalized Systemic Racism and how it has been exploited to separate the working classes in a strict divide down socio-economic boundaries that are not easily crossable. This phenomenon is often called a glass ceiling. Minorities are particularly affected. But that doesn’t mean that all white people are to blame or responsible or immune. You see, I’ve read the Handmaid’s Tale. 

And while everyone is looking at the Scarlet Robe of the Handmaids and the Serene Teal of the Wives, no one looks at the EconoWives. Wife Trash, I suppose.

Much like the Titans’ football season. High school seniors in a recently-desegregated town. Sounds like the plot of a Disney movie or a Based On True Events TV movie

Gee... I can’t imagine why I related to this...

But I did and I learned from it. I learned that it takes effort to make a champion. And it is not accomplished alone. And while the odds may be ever against you

You have to decide what matters to you. And if that is football, you listen to your brothers on the team and keep your circle small.

And if that is closet-cases that fear for their safety when outed

And if that is a mother at 9 years old because that is how old you were when you realized you were more emotionally intelligent than your own pathetic excuse for a mother who is really a batman villain who you will later turn into if you don’t watch out for the stalker tendencies now and your fuckboi father who still cheats on your mother because this is a pity marriage that neither of them are ready to end even though everyone would be better off, especially your brother who is a precious little squish but being psychologically handicapped by the Stephen King Novel raising him and who is so much like you but you won’t know that for several years because you’re just a child and what do you know what normal is or is not supposed to feel like...

Then that’s just what the fuck it means.

My therapist asked me how I’m doing in 2020 with my depression and the isolation and what I think about the protests.

Like if the logic behind the protests was up for debate. Or if it was a political statement rather than a statement of human compassion and empathy to say that 

Black

Lives

Matter.

I guess she hasn’t seen Remember the Titans

[adorkablephil]

Some Final “Listen” Notes

I’ve been meaning to post this for ages, and so here it finally is: just some final notes about my Deaf!Phil/mute!Dan AU fic “Listen,” about the process of writing it, and about some resources you may want to check out. This is rather long, because I did a lot of research and have a lot of resources to offer, so I’ll put most of it under a cut.

Some General Comments and Thoughts

First, I wanted to point out a couple of statistics. Approximately 90% of deaf children are born to hearing parents, but only about 20% of those children’s parents learn to sign. I think that's incredibly sad. A lot of deaf children are not introduced to language as early as hearing children are, even though (statistically) babies can sign better at a younger age than they can talk. As a result, most deaf babies are denied language for the first few years of their life, which are a crucial period for linguistic learning. The current Deaf culture movement lobbies strongly for deaf children to be taught sign language from birth to give them the same opportunities for learning that hearing children have.

Second, I wanted to point out something that I learned about d/Deafness while researching this story. Many many many d/Deaf people do not consider their lack of hearing a "problem" that needs to be "fixed." Many are proud to be d/Deaf. I try to participate in the movement to raise awareness that deafness is not a disability or a handicap—it's just a different way of interacting with the world—and that Deaf culture is as valid and rich and beautiful as any other culture. They just use a different language.

Third, I wanted to say something about some of the words I used in this fic. While writing this story, I struggled constantly with using words like "say," "talk," "hear," "listen," etc., when I was writing about characters who did not use their voices to communicate. For example, "I don't want to talk about it," "He didn't know what he was going to hear" (before Dan "talks" about his past), etc. It didn't feel natural to always use "sign," when "saying something" isn't actually about producing sounds with your mouth—it's about communicating. In sign language, they have creative ways of dealing with this, so if someone were to sign, "I listened to him tell that story," they might use the ASL or BSL sign for "listen," but make the sign under their eye instead of under their ear ... showing that they “listened” with their eyes. It’s amazing how flexible, expressive, and creative sign language can be! (This example was thanks to Rogan Shannon's response to a question I left in a comment on one of his videos. A link to Rogan’s excellent YouTube channel is below.)

Some Specific Videos and Resources

Some specific videos and resources that I found particularly interesting:

“What is it like to be DEAF?”: a truly phenomenal, moving, very personal video by a man named De'Angelo Brown, talking about his  painful experience growing up d/Deaf surrounded by people who did not understand or support him. His positive attitude despite such a difficult past is inspirational. The video is just one man signing, in black-and-white, with no background, but this video is incredible, really. I recommend that everyone watch this.

"Deaf Lens": a TEDTalk by Wayne Betts Jr., an innovative deaf filmmaker. I feel like my Deaf!Phil could totally have ended up being a filmmaker like this later in his life.

"What's It Like Being Deaf In College?": a video about d/Deaf students' experiences in mainstream universities, which made me think about my Deaf!Phil at the University of York.

Camp Mark Seven: a deaf film camp, created entirely for deaf kids who want to become filmmakers. They sometimes make music videos, one of which—Pharrell Williams's "Happy"—went viral on YouTube for a while. Notice that they perform ASL *interpretations* of songs, not word-for-word translations, because word-for-word translation isn't really how sign language works. Facial expression, body language, and other visual cues contribute tremendously to sign language communication, and you can see a lot of that in Camp Mark Seven’s videos. I imagine my Deaf!Phil would have loved this camp when he was a kid!

"My Song": a beautiful, poignant short film about d/Deaf identity. I know I have recommended this film before, but I thought it was worth mentioning again, because it is so beautiful and amazing.

"The Enchanting Music of Sign Language": a fascinating TEDTalk by Christine Sun Kim, a deaf artist who uses sound as part of her art. So incredibly cool!

Wells Fargo’s commercial about sign language: Yes, I’m actually including a commercial here! Wells Fargo made a commercial about a same-sex couple learning sign language in order to adopt a deaf child, and it’s incredibly sweet and short enough that you can watch it without committing too much of your time.

“Opening Our Ears to the Deaf”: a TEDTalk by a hearing woman named Pamela Weisman about the hearing world’s difficulty in understanding, accepting, and interacting with the people who are deaf.

“Protecting and Interpreting Deaf Culture“: a TEDTalk by a Deaf woman named Glenna Cooper who was raised mainstream by parents who did not accept her deafness and tried to force her to fit into the hearing culture. She talks about her discovery of Deaf culture, language, and pride. She describes very entertainingly some of the difference between Deaf culture and hearing culture, such as the fact that Deaf people apparently tend to be very blunt and honest in comparison to hearing culture. She’s really funny and articulate and well worth watching!

There are a lot of other TEDTalks about d/Deaf issues, and so if you’re interested, I recommend just searching for “deaf TEDTalk,” and you’ll find lots of neat stuff.

YouTube Channels

These are my favorites of the YouTube channels I discovered while researching for this fic. I mentioned some of them in my previous notes post, but here I’ll give you a slightly different list of just my favorites, and with a bit of description of each so you can have a better idea of which ones you might be interested in checking out:

Rogan Shannon: Rogan is my favorite of the YouTube channels I discovered while writing this fic. He makes simple vlogging videos in which he just discusses various topics that interest him (always in ASL but with excellent captions). He talks about d/Deaf issues, LGBTQIA+ issues, books he's been reading, and other random stuff ... but he is always articulate and animated and intelligent and interesting. I can't recommend his channel highly enough. I subscribe to him and watch his videos pretty much immediately when they come out. He doesn’t have nearly as many subscribers as he deserves!

ASL Stew: A lesbian married couple—one Deaf and the other a hearing ASL interpreter—talk about various d/Deaf issues. Notice that though one of the partners is hearing, she usually does not SimCom in the videos & chooses instead to sign in ASL, then add a voiceover translation in editing. (They actually add voiceovers for both of them, though I believe the Deaf woman does not in fact speak orally, so no captions are necessary.) In fact, in one of their later videos the hearing partner discusses the issues with SimCom and expresses regret that she SimCommed in their earlier videos. They also have a side channel, ASL Stew Life, where they make videos about other stuff, mostly just about their lives (such as their current pregnancy), rather than about deafness-related issues.

Rikki Poynter: Rikki is, I think, the youngest of the YouTubers I’m listing here, which may make her more relatable for many readers of my fic. She often has really interesting things to say, and she’s a very active advocate for accessibility (especially good captioning of YouTube videos) and the D/deaf community in general. The two videos of hers that I found most useful in my research and particularly recommend are "From Being An Oral Deaf Adult to Using ASL" and "How I Discovered the Deaf Community.”

Jessica Kellgren-Fozard: Jessica posts a wide variety of content on her channel, including make-up tutorials, hair tutorials, commentary about vintage fashion, disability issues (including videos about accessibility and how to deal with specific disability issues like chronic nausea, because she has significant physical disabilities) as well as deafness related material. She’s absolutely beautiful and charismatic, with an incredible sense of style, and also occasionally posts charming videos that feature her much less fashion-conscious but still incredibly cool hearing wife, who is a dentist. Her channel isn’t ideal if you’re looking for sign language stuff, though, because she’s very oral and uses a very English-language-based version of sign language (called “SEE” or “Signing Exact English”) instead of actual BSL. Even when she signs, she speaks at the same time, so there are no captions needed.

Sign Duo: This is a channel featuring another deaf/hearing couple, but I actually primarily like that their channel because it mostly isn’t about D/deaf issues. When the channel first began, it was mostly about the fact that he’s Deaf and she’s hearing and how that affects their relationship, but now their channel is mostly just about these two young people (in their 20′s) living their normal lives in Southern California ... just the guy happens to be Deaf and the girl happens to be hearing. So they post videos about all kinds of stuff other vloggers post about, including their most recent videos about carving pumpkins for Halloween and doing some kind of spicy ramen challenge. It’s interesting and cool to see a Deaf/hearing relationship normalized. This is just a Deaf guy living his life with his girlfriend, like any other guy. Sometimes the girl translates for her Deaf boyfriend, but I still always turn on captions, because he often signs things she doesn’t translate.

CODA Brothers: CODA stands for "children of deaf adults," and they are a community whose place in the deaf/hearing world is an odd one, since even as hearing children they often grow up with sign language as their first language and continue to use it as their preferred language in adulthood. Many of them identify as part of the Deaf culture/community. The CODA Brothers channel is basically just two brothers in Minnesota, kind of wacky, who are hearing but were raised by deaf parents, and (like many CODA) they prefer to communicate through signing. They make humorous videos about lots of issues around d/Deafness as well as what it's like to be CODA (feeling like you don't really fit in with either the hearing or the Deaf community). They sign almost all of their videos and usually provide their own voiceovers ("for the ASL impaired"), but a lot of their humor is "inside jokes" that you only get if you're at least a little familiar with ASL, Deaf culture, CODA issues, etc. They're also often really sarcastic (such as in their "What Deaf people LOVE about Interpreters" video. I think their channel is primarily intended for a CODA audience, but I really like them. And if you’ve read my fic “Listen,” then you probably know enough about deafness, sign language, and Deaf culture to get a lot of their jokes.

Well, I think those are the last of my lingering notes from the writing of “Listen” that I’ve been meaning to share. I hope some of you find the information interesting and check out some of these videos and YouTube channels. Deaf culture is very interesting and unique, completely separate from hearing culture, and I think we could all be better informed and prepared to interact sensitively and respectfully with d/Deaf people we may encounter in our lives.

Thank you to everyone who expressed their growing interest in Deaf culture and learning sign language as a result of reading this fic. It meant a lot to me that my story impacted people’s awareness, acceptance, and understanding.