#and it was UNDERGROUND I CANT STRESS THIS ENOUGH. we were under the ground. it Felt like we were underground

[dayurno]

the worst first date ive ever been to was with a goth girl who took me (tennis skirt collector) to this underground goth club with the most anti autistic flashing lights ever and we smoked a joint together and i genuinely thought i was seeing hallucinations on the dance floor. then her friends and her drank a bucket of alcohol essentially and her friend started throwing up in the bathroom while i very sadly apologized for needing to leave (because i was hallucinating) and we kissed goodbye as her friend retched with the lung capacity of an airplane engine. i heard the album the entire night was about five minutes before. anyway kandrew

[nickyneshwrites]

Cold Chapter 3

Bold=???

He was pacing around in front of his desk flicking his blade around in one hand, mumbling to himself, and fidgeting with his phone in the other hand. Shizuo still was nowhere to be found and Izaya was desperate. He had heard whispers of his possible location but had come up short everywhere he looked.

If this kept up he was going to raze every single gang in the city to find his lover, pathetic humans, and their opinions are damned!

He stopped flicking his knife looking at the glinting blade and in a moment of complete frustration threw it, it stayed stuck in his office wall. Then he felt and heard his phone ring and quickly pushed the knife from his mind. 

“Yes hello. . .What about him?. . .Where are you?! . . .Skip the pleasantries Shiki,                            Where.Are.You . . . I swear if I have to listen to you-! . . I’ll be there in fifteen minutes!”

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The blonde monster needed to go, not that it wasn't fun having Orihara flustered but it wasn't nearly enough fun to keep the raging monster in his company.

Not only had he injured six of his men he’d torn up a whole room and had to be moved to a more… accommodating environment. This was just getting out of hand. 

Shiki sighed, then let his mind wander. A lot of this seemed strange, for one Orihara was showing an unusually open amount of interest in Heiwajima, normally he at least tried to feign disinterest, earlier the pure worry in his voice was clear as day.

Listening to the grunting and squeaking happening in the room over was now setting him on edge even more, as he lingered on the fact that the only thing keeping the blonde man firmly tied to the bed was a ridiculous amount of tranquilizer and thick chains. 

The doctor who he had asked to look after the blonde was certain in his methods of detaining the crazed man but it was in Shiki’s opinion that he was seriously underestimating the strength of one of Ikebukuro's most notorious men. 

He goes over to the door and the grunting stops. Upon opening the door he sees the blonde laying still, eyes still open he keeps a good distance away from the man in case he decides to lunge but it soon becomes obvious that he is in some sort of unconscious daze. 

He looks to see if he's still breathing and finds that he is and sighs, good he really couldn't deal with Orihara going rouge again. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

He was swimming in it, all the self-doubt, the fear of hurting others, the complete overwhelming. . . 

“Sh. . .n”

Despair! Admit it for you know it's the truth, all of the love you hold is fake and you only push your pathetic existence upon those around you!

He wanted to deny it but he couldn't, his strength was a tool of destruction that would eventually drag all of those he holds dear to their doom. 

Blackened tendrils crept up his subconscious submerging him deeper in their viscous fear dragging up all the truths he tried to keep hidden in himself. 

A figure stands before him with an obscured face and it speaks directly to him in a hushed voice.

“-Ch. . .an”

The love you share is false, admit it! You took advantage of the hate you shared and shaped it into a twisted form of love that you've disillusioned yourself into believing.

He tried to escape to deny all of what he was hearing but it was too late he could no longer breathe and the darkness had taken hold devouring all his light.

"S-h. . .uo!"

Yes accept it, then return to your lie no but know no matter how much you run or you brush me away. Know I will still be there.

The figure leaves in black wisps and silence reigns in his consciousness. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Izaya enters a building at the back end of Shinjuku, normally he would care to know just what it is that goes on in a place like this but right now he doesn’t. 

All he wants is to find Shizuo to grab hold of his brute and bring him to his flat and keep him there so something like this doesn’t happen again. He’d always known the moment he lost control of his Shizu-chan bad things would happen. He just never assumed it would be to the stupid brute himself. 

He walks down a flight of stairs and is met with a tall door, he knocks three times then waits.

“ O-orihara-same, welcome uh, Shiki-dono is w-waiting in the lower level.” 

A small man stands behind the door in front of Izaya, and as the informant gives him the once over it's obvious the man is scared. Izaya's usual mask of aloofness has melted into one of neutrality and the man is right to question his safety with such a gaze aimed at him.

Once they get moving Izaya takes time to notice that the man is in a lab coat and that the area they’ve walked to looks quite similar to an underground clinic. 

The creaking of bed frames, the sound of heart monitors, and the distinct smell of bleach are the next things to assault his senses and he starts to get anxious. It seems Shiki has more going on under the city than he was privy to… 

This just means there's something for him to look into after this whole situation is solved.  

Once they pass through that area he is led to a door to the side and it takes all of a second for Izaya to understand what he's looking at, he doesn't like it and before the meek man can open the door to the room, a blade is pressed to his back. 

“Ne doctor-Kun, I've followed you here without complaint because you told me you were leading me to Shiki-dono so could you explain to me why I'm being brought to the interrogation room?” 

His tone was pleasant but the danger was clear and the knife pressed in the smaller man's back was sending a very clear message. He was frozen in place trying to find his voice while not fainting from all the stress, he was not prepared for this at all. 

“Sh-s-s-sh-iki-dono is in the t-this room, the patient is there too after he d-deemed them too danger-rous to leave out in the main building! Please don't hurt me I was ju-”

The black imposing door is opened and the doctor crashes to the floor, passes Shiki, and immediately scrambles away from the violent man he was forced to meet. 

“S-Shiki-dono your g-guest is here and with that, I think I should take my l-leave!”  

Izay has long since stopped listening to the blubbering idiot and passes only a glance at Shiki before he walks by him and cautions a look around the room behind the Awakusu-kai member, and he sees him laid up there, his Shizu-chan!

“Shiki-dono knows how to treat his guests so whatever this is should also have an explanation, right? A reasonable explanation that will explain why it was necessary to chain an injured Shizuo to a bed, right?!”

He wasn't pointing his knife at anyone despite the strong urges to attack though his breathing was giving away the obvious distress? Anger? Or maybe even fear he was feeling.

This situation was exactly what Shiki was trying to avoid, he has every intention to pass Heiwajima over to Orihara but he was sure to the tense man it didn't look that way. He takes a step back to sit in the chair in the corner and looks straight at the informant, he knows he has to play this right or things could blow out of proportion and he's not in the mood for the melodrama.

“He’s simply restrained for his safety and that of my men, this room was the best for such a situation, and seeing as we couldn't get him to calm down this was the best I could arrange, he’s under a strong tranquilizer and has been showing strong signs of mental distress”

At this point, Izaya has heard what he wants and is moving towards the bed, as he approaches he notices that Shizuo's eyes are wide open but is seemingly unresponsive. He touches the blonde's arm and can't help the intake of breath he makes when he feels how cold he is to the touch.

“Shizu-Chan comes on I know you’re stronger than whatever this is…” 

Izaya pockets the knife he's still holding and moves to grab onto the blonde's shoulder, he pulls on the chains there loosening them as much as he can.

“That isn't a good idea Orihara-san, he isn’t very stable and I don't think disturbing him in this state will not end well”

But again Izaya wasn’t listening, he just kept pulling and calling for the blonde getting lost in a haze of frustration as he rasped out his desperate call. 

“Shizu-chan please you're not allowed to fall to anyone but me, wake up. Come on Shizu-chan I can even buy you those ridiculously sweet milkshakes you like just … Wake up Shizuo!”

He sounded close to tears and Shiki sat in shock at the display in front of him, the whole situation was kind of surreal. He was sure he had a good guess as to what the nature of their relationship was behind closed doors but this type of emotional response was more than he expected coming from the normally supercilious informant. 

 Then from behind the trembling back of the smaller man he saw it, the moment heiwajima eyes came back into focus but still holding that crazed spark. 

“I-izaya?” 

There was a moment of silence as his eyes and Izayas met like they were trying to talk through them to push forward the pain they each had to endure.

And in one act of utter relief, Izaya kisses the blonde, hard and passionate and desperate with all the pent-up energy he'd built up being released in the only way he could think to communicate. 

He doesn't even hear as the chains are broken and fall to the ground with a heavy thump. But he does feel the blonde's hands pull at his fur coat and he sees the tears trickle down the fractured man's cheek.

A tired moan ripples through the kiss and Izaya retreats leaving a thin line of saliva connecting their mouths, his breathing is haggard and it takes him awhile 

to calm down. He looks over his tired lover, Shizuo's normal bartender uniform ruined, now a tattered and stained shirt and ripped pants with his sunglasses nowhere to be seen. 

“I’m sorry Izaya! I’m sorry I’m like this -this monst-i c-cant its just - i-i-I’m sorry! Im wrong were wrong I’m sorry so sorry sorry so much I-I-I-i”

Shiki leave the room he’s heard enough and decides he doesn’t need to know what else is going to be said, he’s given the informant what he wanted and as far as he’s concerned he’s done his job.

It’s up to Oriharta to fix the obviously damaged Heiwajima and to that he wishes him all the luck.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

It’s been 2 days since Izaya brought Shizuo back to his flat, it's been quiet. Once Shizuo was showered and fed all Izaya wanted to do was hold onto his blond and never let go but he never came in fact he seemed to want to keep as much space as possible. Shifting from any type of contact Izaya initiated and spending hours at a time in the guest room instead of their shared bedroom.

The body that once housed his loud and lively lover was cold and distant. And when he wasn’t hiding, Izaya caught glimpses of a crazed fear in the blondes eyes, and he so wanted to help, to put this whole issue to rest and go back to how things were before his disappearance but it seemed impossible when the blond was so distant.

Shizuo's sitting on the sofa silently looking out at Izaya's unfinished game of chess, he doesn't really understand what about it had him quite so entranced but it was 

better than seeing the hurt in Izaya's eyes when he looked at him. He’s standing in the doorway even now just looking; probably weighing how much trouble it would be worth to keep someone as useless as himself just sitting around. 

He hears him let out a sigh from the door frame and steels himself as he comes and sits next to him.

“Shizu-Chan look at me, we need to talk ” 

Shizuo did as he was told. 

“You need time I get that but you need to at some point tell me what it is that you need me to do to help you. I care ok, when you disappeared I went looking everywhere, I found the bastards who attacked you that day and tried my damndest to make them pay. And as much as it hurts me to sit here spouting sentimental trash it hurts more to see you so… so broken, I love you so please just tell me what's wrong Shizuo”

And how could Shizuo ignore how sincere he sounded, those uttered words his name falling from the lips he’d spent years chasing? He shuffled over to the smaller man who was obviously giving him space and rested his head on Izaya's lap. Izaya didn’t really do anything at first but then he started running his fingers through the blonde locks soothingly. 

“Just don't leave me”

The words travelled the silent room and seemed to be made more real by the silence and while no reply was made, the gentle way in which fingers caressed the taller man's cheeks were enough to make him know they were acknowledged.

A promise made in tranquility only truly believed by one of them.

[thetravelingaquarian]

Visiting Hawaii was the best vacation I could have taken with my family. In 5 days we covered so much and by my swollen feet we did a lot of walking. We still had 5 more days in Hawaii and many more things to do. There were places I wanted to visit but simply didn’t have enough time. All the trips we took were less than $50 or free, except for the Luau which I will get to later in this post. As I end this last part of our trip, I recommend coming to Hawaii once in your lifetime to experience the beauty, culture, relaxation, adventure sports, health retreats, turquoise clear beaches. Hawaii is a great place to rekindle your romance with a love one or come for a great family vacation.

So let’s get started on how we spent the last few days in Hawaii. I get a little sadden thinking about it. But I plan on visiting again in the near future.

Mahalo Hawaii, we will be back!

We took a 30 minute drive from Oahu to the botanical garden and water falls at Waimea Valley in Haleiwa. On our drive to Waimea Valley we passed the beautiful blue Waimea Beach Park. Surfers and beach goers were parked along the rode heading in to spend their day at the beach surfing or just relaxing for the day. This beach is free but is in a residential area, so be courteous of not blocking anyone driveways. Upon entering Waimea Valley were were greeted with beautiful swans and chickens walking across the road. They also had a peacock walking the grounds that we took a few pictures of. Parking was free. Admission price range from $10-$17 depending on if your with a group, adult, child or senior. There is also a military discount with proper ID. There is a restaurant on the grounds to grab something to eat after your day. We walked through the botanical garden and saw so many exotic plants and flowers. We were transported back into time and saw how the first settlers lived during their time on the island. We saw how their homes were constructed, the way food was stored and how they worshiped their Gods through shrines made. At the end of the path we were met with the serene waterfalls that you’re allowed to swim in and cool off. For more history visit: https://www.waimeavalley.net/cultural/view/cultural-sites

                    Nu’uanu Pali Lookout is a historical landmark and scenic spot with panoramic view of Oahu. There is no entry fee, $3 for cars. Upon arriving there was a visitor being air lifted by a rescue unit due to falling down a cliff. I can not stress enough that you should READ the signs and DO NOT go hiking where you shouldn’t. Trails can be slippery and it is not safe. Enjoy  the views and make sure you bring your camera!

    Hanauma Bay Nature Preserve is a wonderful place to go snorkeling or enjoy a day laying on the beach. Parking is $1 and admission is $7.50 per person 12 and older. Free for 12 years old and under. Free admission for Hawaiian residents. The explosions that created Hanauma Bay and this southeastern part of the island blasted up through a previously established coral reef. O’ahu first rose above the sea nearly 4 million years ago as the Wai’anae volcano. The younger Ko’olau volcano, on the east side of O’ahu, is about 2.7 million years old. In some areas you may find large pieces of rock and coral that were ejected by eruptions. These large fragments fell into the unconsolidated ash and compressed the layers of ash below them, creating bomb sags in the tuff. More history on Hanauma Bay visit: http://www.honolulu.gov/parks-hbay/2016-09-01-18-10-39/history.html  and http://www.honolulu.gov/parks-hbay/2016-09-01-18-10-39/history/timeline.html

Hanauma Bay, Photo Courtesy is from my son: Anthony K.

  HANAUMA BAY

HANAUMA BAY

HANAUMA BAY

HANAUMA BAY

HANAUMA BAY

Hanauma Bay, Photo Courtesy my daughter: Breyanna K.

HANAUMA BAY

HANAUMA BAY

HANAUMA BAY

HANAUMA BAY

HANAUMA BAY

The Best Luau Experience We were excited that we would be going to a Luau. This is what Hawaii was about, you cant leave without going to a traditional luau. I think I was looking forward to attending more than my kids. I always watched them on TV and thought WOW. The Hawaiian people are so beautiful and I wish I could move my hips gracefully and dance just like them in my tiny hula skirt. ( Something, I will plan on learning). I have a list of things I want to learn! We purchased our tickets through

Hale Koa Hotel which is located on the beach. Admission was Adult: $67.95 E1-E5 Active Duty Soldier: $57.95 , Youth (12-17): $25.95,Child (5-11): $15.95. The doors opened at 5:30 p.m. Dinner starts at 6:30 p.m. We were greeted with Hawaiian seashell necklace and cold rum punch drinks, non alcoholic drinks were serves as well. The food was absolutely AMAZING!!!!  I had roasted pork before but it was nothing like the Kalua pork that was cooked all day in an underground oven. The flavor of the meat was mouth watering. I can remember this meal like it was yesterday. Our MENU also included: Cucumber and Papaya, Seaweed, Lomi Salmon,Fresh Pineapple. Kalua Pork, Asian Crusted Fish, Soy Sauce Chicken, Teriyaki Beef, Fried Rice, Poi, Sweet Potato with Toasted Coconut, Stir Fried Vegetables. Steamed White Rice, Steamed Sweet Potato, Sauteed Vegetables with Tofu.

Traditions from Tahiti, Samoa, Hawaii and New Zealand are showcased through hula, music and spectacular fire dancing and knife dancing. The show was colorful, full of music and traditional dancing. There was a couple that was showcased being married over 60 years which brought a tear to my eyes.  The dinner and show lasted over three hours, it was a great experience to witness in person. Visit the Hale Koa Hotel for more events that are held during your time in Hawaii: https://www.halekoa.com/experiences/events

      Mahalo~ Thank You Hawaii- Part 2 Visiting Hawaii was the best vacation I could have taken with my family. In 5 days we covered so much and by my swollen feet we did a lot of walking.

[wang-yeon]

Fragile Bones| Taehyung

Having  a child had been the toughest aspect of your life however as you meet Tae everything seemed to vanish. Oh how you were wrong, Tae holds a passion with under ground fighting that you cant bear even but whats the damage it could cost. He has been a father like visual to your child for all this time and now he begins to to lose these moments because of his love for illegal fighting. You have the choice to understand his ways or leave him and move along

Warning: Smut, cursing, violence hunnty, fighter tae!

Genre: Smut angst possibly fluff

Word count: 13K

A/N: Sorry ive been gone ive been taking exams and honey i am stressed but im finished so now i can focus on what more important you guys and BTS beauty also there is most likely spelling errors i wanted to get his up as soon as i could for you guys

I traced the outline of his fragile bones, each holding a defined darkened bruise. Along the busted and bruised skin came along scars of his past markings. Scars that held different reasons of each but all coming together mixing on his body as it was seen as a damage canvas  of injury had been permanently marked on his body without any worry. The opponent had caused the damage as Tae along with his scared body was apart of an underground fighting rink. He had willing done this to his body and he was perfectly fine with it as it was what he loved, somewhere along the line i wish i was fine with his passion too. The top reasons why i had found no interest in the idea was the fact that he would get hurt and that we had a child living under our roof who was frequently seeing the great pain that was relished upon him. It was sore for Dylans eyes especially as when he first laid eyes on his bruised skin he began to grow worried and ask questions but as Tae quickly dismissed that he was a bad guy fighting crime. I smiled upon the memory of my two favorite men in my life. Dylan hadnt been biologically been Tae's son however he saw him like a father and addressed him as one. He never knew his actually father as he left at the tender of before knowing how to walk, even before then Tae had taken the place of his official father figure before he could draw any questions. Even in life we managed to have bruises and bumps but along the way you may meet someone to heal these wounds, however not all wounds are heal able. Tae was living proof of so.

After i finished looking over his back i lightly tapped him signalling. He slightly flinched at the not so gentle touch as i was providing him causing me to usher out a gentle sorry. He let out a shaken breathe as he shifted his body allowing me to get a full view of his slightly tampered face, however it still managed to look as picturesque as usually. I carefully cleaned his face watching him flinch at each wipe i provided him with as well did I. I felt him looking at me with his golden honey eyes not focusing on his own pain rather than mine. It always amazed me how he took in others feelings rather than his hence the reason he started this whole thing. We had been struggling for quiet some time before he decided to partake in this as i was struggling with jobs, till i finally decided to land one. However he still participated in it as he began to realize this small job he did to provided for our family was his true passion that he had to stick with so i sought out my best to follow along his side.

"You dont have to worry about me, Ill be fine and im still fine."

"Your scars speak other wise."

I pressed down on one bruised partially rough causing him to winch showing him that i was right in the situation. I keep on this time taking in a gentle approach on cleaning his face. I still felt his eyes longing for mine however i still continued cleaning his face. I had felt myself becoming suborn however a common trait along with this was that i hadnt cared if i was feeling this way or not. I had felt myself wanting to look at him but i kept on wanting to feel something that would allow me to have a sense of power but in reality it was pointless and I had no reason to do so.

"Please, just look at me."

I felt my orbs look down at him in a glance before looking back at other features of his face. I keep on with my actions before i felt Taes rough hands travel to my cheeks causing my lips to pucker out and create the feeling of my cheeks being big and chubby. I felt him guide my face to his as he let out a victorious smirk before i felt his lips mold with mine causing me to soften from my previous mood. The kiss was light and sweet enough to bring me to the state of the very first moment we had meet and the bound filled emotions I had felt however the moment had came to an end rather to soon still causing a smile to paint itself on my features.

"I can taste the blood on your lips."

"I thought you were into that."

I laughed shaking my head slightly at his words. Even in the mist of his injuries he had managed to make me smile causing his eyes to soften upon my features. He grew out of his pain by seeing the joy off others as he grew in anger seeing the angered words of his opines

He varied in emotions and at times it grew worrisome but he never gave me the reason to be scared of him and i knew i never would

"I could literally watch you smile all day, and definitely in the creepy way. However Now we need to get some rest the both of us, we've had a long day."

"Mostly you."

"What? Are you kidding me, you literally juggle a high end job all while being an amazing mother. You are what the kids call a MILF."

"Milf?"

"Ill explain later my innocent child but for now we have to go to bed."

I felt his hand ruffle my hair while he got up off of the the coach gesturing a hand to lift me off the couch as well. I lifted myself up as he guided me down the hall leading to our bedroom. Tae had been leading the way as we had been approaching our sons door as the door had been peaked open slightly leaving minimal light to travel into his room but just enough to see shadows passing through it. Dylan had seen Taes shadow pass through as he let out an audio able noise to make himself known.

"Dad?"

Tae turned and slightly opened the door allowing for Dylan to see his facial outline as the room was dark while the light attempted to come through in the room. Tae directed his attention to him as i stood besides tae taking in the unfolded scene. I had always been slight envious over their relationship as Dylan always could talk to Tae more than he could with me considering he was a boy himself. However i never let that get in my way as i knew that i rather have them have a healthy relationship.

"Yeah, Dyl?"

"Fighting."

"Fighting."

They proceed to put their fist in the air as Dylan let out a tiny smile before curling back into bed. It had been their own little signal to each other a handshake but something much more significant. It was another from of I love you but held greater meaning as they were the only people they knew who shared a saying like so. Their were thousands of people transmitting this three letter words however they were the only two people ushering these words to each other in such significance.

I carefully walked past his door letting out a small kiss to him as he kissed me back smiling before turning back in his bed to proceed his sleep. As we keep on our way down the hall Taes arm looped around mine as we reached the bedroom ushering me in first into the darkened room. I felt myself collapse against the bed feeling the softened but only feeling more comfort feeling Taes arm back around my shoulders bringing me in for a engulfed embrace. I felt myself drift in and out of sleep before feeling the sleep taking me over completely all while Taes busted and bruised being held me tightly.

The eager morning had been spent with the loud ear shaking alarm and Dylan and Tae racing McDonald toys on the coffee table. The mornings had always been hectic resulting in me providing for everyone's care and not my own however it always managed to work out as i was use to it and it seemed to go smoothly as Tae was in charge of driving us around. Tae had been drumming on his steering wheel while Dylan laid in the back sighting ever word that ushered out of the radio. All while I was displayed in the front seat fitting in my seat adjusting my attire as Tae genteelly placed my thigh telling me everything will be okay however today was rather different as words other than song ushered past Dylans lips.

"All the kids at school make fun of me because i dont have a dad."

The question had certainly thrown us for a loop especially Tae as it was directed to him. He glanced in the mirror at Dylan furrowing his eyes as he sat their oblivious to the claim he had stated. Tae had gotten himself together before he answered his question to the best of the abilities.

"But what do you mean im your dad and im perfectl fine."

"Yeah but you never go to my class thingys."

+I had heard the slight pain in his voice even for his age it had seemed to have a great affect on him causing my heart to tense. I could however tell it had the most affect on Taes behalf as he was the one responsible for his pain. A combination of Taes pain and his sons was the epitome of a chaos mixed pain that he was left with.

"But i know that my dad isnt like other dads hes a fighter!"

Tae smiled it off trying to show that the conversation hadnt emotionally took a toll on him. I could tell in his features it had. Tae was so caught up in his training and fights he had neglected his true passion being his son. He wasnt the one to blame as he was blinded by what he loved but when the light shown through he realized what had actually been occurring.

"You know Dyl pickle has a pumpkin carving event at 2:30 and i dont know maybe we could go, i promise as your parents we wont embarrass you."

I turned my head to Dylan and scanning Tae to see their answers. I had seen Dylan physically beam at the thought causing a smile to commence my lips as well as Taes.I had believed he wouldnt mess this event up as i could see his mood lighten at the thought of actually being able to have a better understand of his son.

"Oh of course you can come just please dont embarress me in front of Jisoo."

Tae and Is eyes bulged at the simple name making us smirk at the name and causing Dylan to tense. Luckily enough we had been at the drop off signalling Dylan to open his door in a hurry and bolted off to school. However he hadnt bolted off quick enough for us to usher one last embarrassing thing past out lips.

"If that Jisoo chick even thinks about breaking your heart tell her your dads a fighter."

Tae smiled at his own comment before rolling the window back up not glancing at our sons facial expression. I had known it had been a mix of embarrassed of emotions all of thee witch probably wasnt the best thing to do in a parental situation however it still remained slightly funny especially the reaction displayed. I let out a stiffed laugh trying not to encouraging his behavior as i knew it was terrible but choose the longer road with Tae.

I felt Tae squeeze my tight as he drove off to my work still humming to the car tunes. The car remained in a bliss filled silence focusing on the drive ahead till my words dawned upon me on what would relay on this evening. One thing was for certain about what was to occur in the next few hours of Dylans school.

"We are definetly going to embaress him at the pumkin carving eveent."

"And if we dont then we already did."

Tae high fived me in a sense of humor. It wasnt that we were trilled that we had been embarrassing our kid but rather that the simple act of parenting is hard and we must pick on our kid to show them how unperfect we truly are and teaching them that its okay. Also having a sense of humor about the whole ordeal. My little son had developed a crush and I had been freaking out inside however i managed to make a joke of it, i knew this wouldnt work in every situation but i aimed to make jokes in the small things to make them lighter. I hope Dylan would endure this gene from me.

Work had been filled with a honor filled dread being piled up with paper work of unnecessary paper work with the occasional sexual glances my boss had thrown my way haddnt been adding to a glorious delight. Things had only gone increasingly worst as i had been waiting outside for a long period of time for Tae. I watched my other co-workers who had been dismissed from their shift at work making me wonder ever more where Tae had taken place. I tried to remember if he had any fights today but nothing had come to mind. He usually tells me about working hours however this time he hadnt said a thing. Possibly he was doing something else besides fighting but i found it hard to believe as this was his only hobby. Either way it hadnt given him an excuses to miss the effort to pick me up as well as missing out on my sons pumpkin craving event. Tae had always been willing to put in the extra motive for Dylan especially since he hadnt been his biological father however i as well as myself see him as his father. I had remembered the first time we had begun to talk before all of this madness had created itself nothing had been going wrong however as i feel the cold breeze pass by me im reminded on how things were as of now.

I felt my hands hover over the phone clicking on Taes contact. As my finger hovered over the icon i looked at the picture displaying three people, more importantly me Tae and Dylan. We all had smiles painted on our face bu one was more ambitious than the most, Dylans. He had been gracious to have both of his parents previewing to be happy in the single photo causing him such joy. I hadnt wanted to give up on Tae and believed that possibly he had been a few minutes late. I hesitantly pressed the call option pressing the phone to my ear looking at the cold breathe coming out my mouth whispering the words that were to come out my mouth.

"Hello?"

"Tae, Its Y/N i know your probaly running just a little lat-"

"Ha! Im just messing with you this is actually my voice mail i got you good didnt I."

I rolled my eyes  at his playful behavior sometimes forgetting that i had been dating a five year old. We hadnt always had our downs in fact rather rarely but when these times came we had always lashed out on each other and i could already feel the hurl our way in a short amount of time.

I began to shake in my clothing looking at the time below me. It hadnt been that far off from the time the event was to begin. i hadnt wanted Taes choices to effect mine. I had an idea of what he was doing and i promised myself to accept it but with this occurring it certainly had grown tough. The added hobby he had made things into a growing pain, one that i knew had been bad from the start but continued one with it as ambition coursed throughout his veins. However i hadnt wanted this hobby to stick with me as it did with him. Along with this hobby had stuck with visible and emotional pain. His pain being only temporary as it appeared from the outside and others appearing from the outside. I thought about this longing out into the distance already understanding the emotional pain around the concept but not wanting Dylan to feel it as well. Dylan was already hanging onto a tread with one parent but i hadnt wanted it to happen with the other. I looked down at my watch one last time before pulling out change in my pursing counting the change and racing my way to the bus stop nothing but hope in my veins to not inflect a longing emotional pain in my son as well.

My shoes had clinked down the hallway already feeling the tightening in my chest of being late but the slight reassurance of showing up made it worth while. I had understood that showing up late would cause slight embarrassment as the other parents had judged me and i was preparing myself for that. I had been late and also a single parent which wasnt a bad thing however everyone had known I wasnt. Everyone had know that me and Tae had co parented fairly well as Dylan always pointed it out. He always tried to mention Tae in every conversation he held finding anyway to tell people how heroic his father was for being a fighter or a super hero e liked to call it. However his hero wasnt their and he could see that as i entered the class room in a slight huff but still managed to have his evident smile painted on his face ushering the words mommy from his lips. In that moment I had to step up as the super hero as Tae wasnt present.

"Hey sweetheart, i promised i would come."

Instead of responding Dylan provided to push his body more into mine engulfing me fully proud that at least someone had shown up. I couldnt have Tae take the full blame as my job didnt always provide me with free time to spend with my family, it was rather hard but seeing that smile on his face made things worth while. I felt myself wanting to apologize for being late or the simple fact that i couldnt attend these types of things regularly but i felt as if bringing it up would burden things even more. I wanted to focus on the moment that was happening between us the moment being true happiness. I hadnt experience this much and wanted to take i as it was.

Dylan had begun to eagerly drag me over to the his table as i stumbled along smiling upon him as his teacher had greeted us at the table. I took a set as Dylan pulled his seat closer showing his gums as he began to eat another piece of candy before sketching out his pumpkin draft.

"I hope you dont mind but i gave him some candy before you got here."

I looked over to see Dylans teacher Mr. Park displayed in the seat beside him taking the understanding that he had taken the parental place for the night while i wasnt there. I could picture Dylans saddened smile trying to paint itself while he tried to make it better. Candy surely had been a temporary happiness but i was also lucky that he had a teacher to step in while no one else was their making me grateful for a teacher like so.

"Oh yeah thats perfectly fine its not like he'll turn into a gremblin or anything of the sort."

He ushered a small laugh as his eyes crinkled making me smile slightly.I directed my attention back to Dylan as he put detail into his drawing. I gone into a conversation about Mr. Park about my son Dylan and other different aspects of the most random things. Dylan had seemed so focused on his drawing that had seemed to sprout a smile in his lovely face.

"Your son is surely intelligent and he also knows a few things about his chocolate candy."

"Thank you and he gets that from me, we both share that wondrous sweet tooth."

"See ive always been just a fan of kit kats and nothing more."

"With all do respect Mr. Park you need to expand your variety."

We both begun to laugh over the small conversation sprouting. It felt good to have a sort of relationship with your child's teacher however Tae never agreed upon so. Tae never was fond of Mr. Park as he presumed that he used his teachings in order to get closer to me. This wasnt fairy true as he was just telling whats best for Dylan and the support he needs bringing it back to me and Tae but more specifically me. Tae had let the idea sprout to his head that it was a way of flirting which was very absurd however i couldn't hold it past him as he tended to get jealous easily. He wouldnt be very fond o the moment growing between me and Mr. Park especially.  Tae hadnt been so innocent either doing god knows what out while he could have been partaking in this moment rather than Mr. Park. Just at the simple thought i was fuming but decided to smile along with Parks comment trying isolate the feelings i held inside but it grew rather hard as i felt my phone buss notifying me a text from Tae.

[3:45] Tae: Where are you? Im outside your job, are you in a different spot

I rolled my eyes at the test message displayed. He had definitely forgot about the event taking place. It had confirmed everything making me question if i possibly even still loved him. Of course i had i still had affection for him but i felt it decreasing at the fact of his forgetful importance. Mr. Park must have saw my sadden features mixed with madness taking over my appearance as he gave me a questioning look. I knew that only telling him the commotion on what was going on would only increase the mixing chaos however i did have the next to express my feelings.

"You know just parent problems."

He nodded looking over at Dylan and patting his back while covering up his master piece. He hadnt wanted anyone to view it till it was compositely done. Adding all sorts of colors to make it pop. I attempted to glance over at his drawing wanting to see what he conjured up but he managed to push me way making a face at me while sticking his tongue out. As he finished up he asked me to add a detail.

"Mommy you write awesome can you write the words family really big across the bottom?"

I nodded along as he slide the paper to me as i garbed the pencil. I examined the picture. It had been a drawn stick figure picture displaying what i assumed was me and Dylan, however it was just me and him and nobody else. I squinted my eyes wondering why he hadnt bothered to draw Tae as well. Possibly because he wasn't here this moment however he always is displayed in our day to day life, at times. I had known it had been difficult especially for Tae and he wanted to put in an effort but maybe it just wasnt enough as Dylan was already setting expectations.

"Mommy the letter."

"Sorry baby mommy was just looking at your beautiful drawing."

"Hehe, i know."

I smiled and ruffled his hair while drawing the words family on the paper. I looked over it inhaling a sharp breathe feeling my heart tighten at the fact of an invisible Tae displayed on the paper. I could feel Mr. Parks eyes stare upon the paper as well already feeling a stinging in his chest as well. He rubbed my back trying to force a smile to Dylan making sure he hadnt seen my features. I fell into his comfort not knowing how to take the situation at hand. Dylan had already lost his first father and i hadn't been prepared for the next one to go as well. It had already began to take an emotional toll on me as i felt a small stream flow from my eyes drawing concern to Dylan.

"Mommy?"

"Im fine baby, its jsut so beautiful."

I smiled through the tears as Dylan moved in his seat to wipe away my tears with the palm of his hand making my heart coo. He had been an affectionate child making me worry about what was to come for the future. It couldnt be the last time this were to occur making things even harder to pursue for the future. I couldnt focus on anything but Dylan and how things would take a toll on him. I certainly hoped that it wouldnt change him drastically but i knew it would have a few changes to his overall characteristics.

"It will look even better once we crave it into the pumpkin."

"Actually, im sorry Dylan but weve run out of time do work on that. Your drawing looks amazing though."

Dylans eyes began to grow drippy as his teacher hushed those words past his lips. I had reconsider this look however it never displayed on his face as much as he reminded in a happy conundrum for the majority of the time. Possibly it was the whole pile up of Tae not being here or maybe it truly was that he couldnt display his masterpiece on a rounded pumpkin. Whatever it may have been tears had begun to swell in his eyes and panic had begun to set in for me and Mr. Park.

"Hey, Dylan dont cry how would you feel if I let you have th rest of the candy?"

Dylan peaked up at the mention of candy as Mr. Park looked at me asking if it had been okay to which i hesitated but nodded willingly. I witnessed as Dylan got up with glee rushing to the candy before he could making me laugh and the tears go away fully. I had been focused on the moment  of Dylan taking as much candy as he could with his small hands in reach taking in only a portion of the candy. Mr. Park had joined in taking in a handful of the candy putting more into his hand causing an enormous smile to partake on his and my face. My smile began to flatten as i felt my phone vibrate again hesitating if i should even look at the text already assuming who it had been from but i sat it down on the table picking myself up and following after Dylan to help him gather candy. For tonight i wanted my focus to be on my lovely son and the moment partaking between as at this moment. I hadnt wanted to let him down as i was the superhero in this moment and i had been the only one he had seen as his 'family' as of now.

"Are you sure you dont need a ride?"

"Yeah im sure thank you for the offer."

I had been outside along side with a clinging Dylan and and concerned Mr. Park. I had told him that we would be taking the public bus home to which he dismissed by offering a ride. I hadnt wanted to be a burden nor did i want things to escalate that far. I already held a healthy parent teacher relationship with him and i hadnt wanted anything to go beyond that state as it would be strange. Park taking in a ride had crossed that line even if he was being friendly i hadnt wanted to set off the wrong perception even if it wasnt a big deal.My eyes diverted to Dylans as he clung onto my leg looking up at me with the same smile he managed to have painted on his face.

A car pulled up in the mist of the situation as i examined the car i noticed that it had held the same color and car brand as the one me and Tae had purchased. It had been Tae whp was displayed in the car and only confirmed so as the window had displayed Taes boxed smile but soon flatted as he laid eyes upon Mr. Park as his smile soon turned into an evident frown. It sparked slightly at the fact of Dylan rushing to the car struggling to open the door before he gave him a affectionate hug as he was seated behind the wheel.

"Well i suppose i should be going now but before i do."

I felt his hand go to mine placing an item in it before smiling at me and leaving me to go back to my car. As he left i looked down at my hand and examined that he had given me a kit-kat. It could have been seen as childish but i found it enduring making me quickly shake the feeling off as i directed my vision back to Tae who held a hardened glance my way and what had been directed in my palm. I clutched onto the piece of chocolate in my hand making my way to the front of the car and closing the door as i buckled my seat belt taking in the closing tension surrounding the car. Luckily Dylan had been oblivious to the whole ordeal leaving him in the back playing with whatever he could get his hands on.

I felt Taes cold and callused hands wrapped around my thigh giving it a firm squeeze making me roll my eyes at his behavior already feeling himself grow jealous over the situation. It had simply been a piece of candy however he hadnt known that making things worst. Whatever could have been going through his mind certainly hadnt revolved around chocolate.

"What was it?"

"What are you talking about?"

Tae squeezed my thigh slightly harder knowing that i had knew exactly what he was hinting at. I wanted the conversation to end already as he wasnt focused on the fact he had missed Dylans event and others following after that however this one was different. He had promised to go to this event and the smile displayed on his face had confirmed it from earlier but i had hoped to soon something i didnt like to waste often but with Tae it was a regular occurrence by now.

I unwrapped the chocolate from my hand as i place it on his thigh. I had been over the situation already moving onto the one that was more prominent but he didnt seem to take notice. All of his attention had been managed by the small candy displayed on his lap. I could see that he had been getting worked up over small things but he had a temper making this small candy make a big deal out of something that isnt. With this he threw the candy out of the window with a plain expression on his face while i gave him a bewildered look as did Dylan from the unnecessary scene.

"Daddy, why did you through the candy out the window?"

"Daddy doesnt like Kit-Kat's."

Taes eyes had been displayed on the road but glanced at me hinting at who i supposed was Mr. Park. His hand had circled around my thigh again trying to cool himself down as a strike of fear aimed in my heart. I hadnt liked when he got like this, he always had a temper even before he started fighting but it gradually lessened when he begun as he took out his anger even more. I secretly hoped he had been at the fighting place while i was with Dylan so he could have gotten his anger out but even if he did the anger would still mange to build itself back up.

The car ride tension had followed us all the way we had been placed inside the house. I managed to keep my voice down not knowing what could throw him off even more. Tae wasnt always very aggressive when he was angry infact he manages to control it by not actually talking it out and keeping it bottled up which i saw as unhealthy but whatever it took for him not to actually act out on that anger at home was good enough for me. We still held our arguments and disagreements but they never got out of hand and i nor he never aimed for it to. Jealously was a big part in his anger and the fact that the main jealous factor was his sons teacher had set a new form of anger in his veins and it pumped to the point of blood curling anger.

Dylan had tugged on my skirt as i bent down to hear his question. Tae had wondered into the kitchen leaving the two of us alone to our own small conversation.

"Mommy, mabye if i show daddy my picture he'll be happy?"

Dylan had saw that Tae was angry too and seeing the family picture would only increase this. I hadnt known how to shut this idea down as i would see the hope die from his eyes. He had already been through enough and seeing his fathers anger spark from his simple drawing would cause confusion and even more conflict than we needed. I hadnt wanted anything to grow bigger than it already was.

"Maybe in the morning baby, put it in your room and we can show him tomorrow?"

Dylan nodded his head with a small smile in hopes his father would accept what he had drawn. I had hoped so as well hoping it would open his eyes on what was going on in his mind and also what was partaking in what was going on with our family. As Dylan waddled off into his room i sought off into the kitchen where Tae had been seeing if he wanted to talk about the situation on his own rather than me. I hadnt wanted to fuel the anger even more than it already had even as i walked into the kitchen i felt the tension still laying in the atmosphere, feeling the need to squash it but wanted him to let it out on his own.

I felt his stare on me while i went to get some water from the fridge itching to say something but kept my peace. His eyes had been doing the semi talking as they examined me looking for the correct way he could conger up his words until i was on my way out of the kitchen when he found his voice.

"Whats going on with you and Park, huh?"

"Hes our sons teacher, nothing is going on."

"Well you've been getting extra close to him."

"Tae do you hear yourself, hes our sons teacher for fucking hell."

I had been getting heated rather quickly further than Tae and i couldnt control myself. I had been so bent up over what he was made about also piling on what i was made my blood begin to boil. Having two angry people was a whole new level of conflict upon a household and while i was partaking in this anger i hadnt cared about what was to occur as i let the dying question slip from my mind.

"Why didnt you show up?"

"What are you talking about."

"Kim Taehyung you and i both know damn well what im talking about."

I whispered those harsh words hoping that Dylan wouldn't hear them with his small ears. Tae howevr heard it loud and clear as his ears perked up as well as his anger.

"I was out."

"You were out? Taehyung my damn son had something special going on at school and you promised you would go and you fucking didnt. Think before you making priorities especially with my kid."

Taes eyes popped out of his skull displaying his now fully visible anger. I had slightly stepped back not noticing that the words being ushered past my lips had effected him in such a way. I knew my angered words could drive him to harsh things but i felt as if i had gone to far for his comfort zone.

"Your son? Your damn son? I raised him just as much as you raised him and im sorry that im trying to support and protect our family and i couldn't go to his class. I had a lot going on with my mind and maybe im still not use to this life style but im really fucking trying. I wasnt there throughout your pregnancy but i still care about that kid and it pains me that i couldnt see him because i was stuck in a dirty basement fighting my life away."

"So you forgot about him?"

"I could never forget about him hes my damn son just as much as he is yours. So damn what i forgot about his school event but atleast im apart of his life."

"But you promised."

"Okay you promised you would be their for him and sometimes you arent and i have to be the one who takes control of the situation dont you blame this situation on me, Im not like J-"

"Kim Taehyung you know damn well to not say his name."

I had known he was going to bring in my baby daddy from the single syllable he said. I felt myself grow even more irradiated if that was possible feeling the itching sensation to scream at him thinking that it would make things better but knowing in reality it wouldnt. I pushed all the conflicts and problems it caused and focused on my anger.

"And you know what the funny fucking thing is that your acting just like him!"

Taes eyes began to water. I couldnt tell if they were from anger or true sadness or possibly a mix of both but however it hadn't been a good sign. I had never seen Tae cry but the one time Dylan had begun to call him daddy. He was finally begin accepted not only into my life but my sons. Things had been simpler and less bumpy as we had just been starting out a forces on being a family rather than breaking it apart.

"Thats the lowest thing you could ever fucking say you damn well know it! Ive tried my best to be the best father i can be and your making it real fucking hard! I know im not the best parent but atleast im not gonna break you down because of it! You really need to watch what you say cause you dont know how it can effect someone."

The argument had been like one we had never had before. We had never screamed at each other for we had that mutually respect for one another but as of now it felt like that had flown out of our category. We had also forgot about the decently of Dylan possibly being scared and confused on what was going. However as we were in such an unhealthy state we continued on to bicker making things gradually grow unhealthy.

The tension had still been rising as we had been in a breathy state. The last comment had been along the words of harmful things leaving us both feel defeated. I had been fearful after the arguments we had as Tae managed to break a vase but was to caught up in the hostile environment to actual take notice of what had been going on besides me and Tae screaming at one another. Now as the house grew with heavy breathing and the tension still laid there i took notice of the environment and grew fearful of what he could do when he was angry. I hadnt wished i took notice of these things as i felt my head grow bigger of what else he could do sending a struck of fear into me as i noticed his hand was raised as i coward down and flinched as i thought he was going to hit me.

I looked back up to see Tae looking at me with bewildered eyes as if what i had did was out of line and he was confused. He slowly came over to me as i flinched yet again causing his eyes to go soft and he kept his distance.

"Ba-babe you know i wouldnt hit you right, i just went to put my hand on my head."

"I know its just, i dont know i just thought-"

I felt myself grow weak as i felt tears stream down from my cheeks as Tae came over to comfort me. We had both sunk to the floor as audible sobs came from my mouth. I had been over reacting about the situation but the emotions i had been feeling had all been jumbled up and i couldnt control myself as i let it out all on Taes shoulder. I had understood where Tae was coming from and i learned to accept it and i delt with it and i needed to understand it more. However i couldnt stop the tears from flowing as i was overwhelmed with all of the conundrum that was happening and it only added to the fire as i heard the crack of a door and a small crack of a voice.

"Mommy?"

His feet hit the floor in a rush hearing my cries as he began to beat on Taes back signalling for him to get off of me. Taes eyes began to water at the simple action even as he removed himself from my body he still took every blow from Dylan as he let out his own cries and pleads.

"You made my mommy cry!"

"No baby mommies fine, daddy didnt hurt mommy daddy isnt the bad guy."

Dylan removed his hands from Tae as he moved them to mine as he engulfed me in a warming hug. I looked up at Tae looking at him with saddened eyes as he attempted to wipe his tears away trying to make them un noticed however they were visible. Tae never wanted to be seen as a bad guy and with all of this chaos piling up. It had been tough for him and he hadnt known what was going on are what to do as what he was seeing made him only question things even more making it overall hard for someone as young as him.

Dylan began to tug on me to the bedroom as he assumed it was the most safest place to be as i looked at Tae yet again. He mumbled a small 'Its okay' making me smile slightly feeling grateful that even now after all of this we could still get along. I still wished we could have worked things out.

Dylan had been curled up into my side as my hands curled throughout his hair. I had my eyes closed trying not to overthink the situation.

"Mommy why is daddy so mean."

"Daddy isnt mean, daddy is our superhero remember and sometimes superheroes fall but you cant give up on daddy. Promise?"

"Prmoise."

"Good, i love you and you understand your father loves you too right."

"Of course, i love him too. Even if he becomes a villain ill always love him."

"But that will never happen."

"I know, but whatever he does Ill love him."

It warmed my heart that he still loved him no matter the occasion. His love for him truly had been a father son bond even if he hadnt biologically the father, he was more a father than his biological one had been. I had approached him and i couldnt tell him enough of that but i felt like we needed to work on ourselves to really understand what we gain from each other. In Dylans eyes we had both been superheros but if we hadnt gotten ourselves together for the better we would both become villains in his eyes.

Morning had dawned upon us as i woke Dylan up earlier than needed. I had token what i thought to myself last night seriously. I had conjured up the idea of taking a trip to my mothers house and hoping she would be able to take upon the offer of watching Dylan for a couple of days till we work out the environment space for Dylan. She had bee happily shocked as we both walked into her house unexpected but still opened with open hands as well as questions.

"Sweetheart even though its a good surprise as you being here, um why are you here?"

"Well i was wondering if you could watch Dyl for a couple of days, just so i can get the environment more suitable."

"Suitable? Why whats going on, is it because of Taehyung? Did he hit you?"

My mom had her suspicions about Tae but not always. She liked him at the start as he was taking care of Dylan like he was someone of his owns but as she understood what he was doing as a hobby she knew how dangerous it was especially being around a child. Mothers always had their concerns but i was trying to take it into my own hands hints what i was doing as of now.

"Oh no, we just had an argument and i want to try and get ourselves back together before we bring Dylan back into our space."

"I understand, are you sure you dont want to stay as well. Youre always welcomed."

"Yeah im sure mom i just need to figure things out and ill be back."

My mother nodded along directing her attention to her grandson looking up with confused eyes. He probably would wonder why i had been gone for some time but atleast he had his grandmother to take control over him. She had loved him since the first time she laid eyes on him and even acted as a father to him before Tae stepped into our lives. I was very grateful for her and still am.

I moved away from my mother crouching down to my sons size. I ran my hand throughout his hair before holding his hand smiling down at him as he smiled up at me. He had been the light of my life and i couldnt have this light turn dark as i knew that fixing myself and my relationship trying to understand it rightfully so would set things back on track.

"Grandma is going to watch you for sometime but mommy promises to be back."

"Okay, does that mean grandma can feed me whatever she wants?"

"Of course, as long as it isnt candy youll be perfectly fine."

He engulfed me with a final hug as i proceeded to get up before turning around and ushering on last thing.

"And remember what your dad told you."

"Fighting!"

"Fighting."

That giant smile on his face proved to be a sign of improvement and i sought out to keep on with this process even if it was lengthy. I wanted Dylan to not question on what was going to happen in the future with us and if we would be okay i wanted him to know for certain that we would all be okay as a big conjoined family.

I walked into the house closing the door behind me assuming Tae was asleep on the couch still but smelling the fresh breakfast food being cooked that theory had been shot out of the window. I made my way to the kitchen seeing Tae cooking food smiling slightly before placing the food on the table directing me to take a seat as i did ever so hesitantly.

"So wheres, Dylan?"

"Actually thats what i wanted to talk to you about."

His smile had gone serious once i brought up Dylan into the situation. He had dropped his fork and directed full attention to me making sure that i had known that as well.

"I dropped him off to my mothers house because i feel like after the altercation, not just you but also I need to understand whats going on with us."

"Of course I was definitely out of hand, i should not have throw that Kit-Kat out of the window thats one of the best candies."

"Tae, im serious."

Tae raised his hands up in defeat. I knew that it was in his nature to be playful but i hadnt wanted to put in the effort to be today. However i sucked it up and realized that being goofy was a trait Tae brought out in me and i needed that to be known more often now as we had been going through rough patches.

"You know Kit-Kats were my favorite too."

Tae perked up at my comment smiling as he picked up the fork and proceeded to eat however i could still tell something was on his mind. The way he picked at his food and moved it around displayed that something had been worrying him.

"But, I am sorry if i made you feel uncomfortable i never want to make you feel like that."

I felt my hand  travel to his laying on the table wanting to make it known that i had grown past that and was now fine. I wasnt perfectly fine on the concept on how things were but i was fine on how we were and the direction they were taking. I wanted to leave the uncomfortably in the past and focus on what was better to come.

"Im fine now, even better that you shaped the pancakes like little animals."

"Thank you, i thought it was a nice touch. Who says adults cant have fun."

I smiled at him taking in his happy glance at the pancakes and proceeded to play with them as he dunk them into the the syrup and ate them with delight. I always enjoyed Tae cooking as well did Dylan due to the fact that he would add an extra ounce of experience into the cooking. He infact one time threw flour onto use while making a meal resulting in a whole conundrum of experiences. I had wanted to build these experiences back up again and im sure he was willing taes well.

"I was thinking, since i wanted to understand us and well mostly you, can we go to your fighting rink so i could possibly see you fight. I want to understand you and your passion."

Tae had looked up at me shocked from what I had said. I had never shown much of an interest in this hobby as i saw nothing important in it but if i wanted to get to the bottom of this problem i needed to do some serious digging and i was willing to love the things he did. While Dylan was away i want to hopefully partake in the things we couldnt do if he was here hopefully allowing us to grow more of a healthy bond for the both of us.

"Seriously, um yeah. Wow this is great i tell them all about you and Dylan all the time i can wait for you to met the guys theyll love you. They may seem big and scary but their hearts are in the right place."

"I trust you."

My hand reached out for his again grasping onto it with all my might. I could see the small hope in his eyes growing, hoping that this small experience would bring us together again making things right like they once were. Just as i hoped they were. Life filled with less amounts of conflict and more moments filled with joyful noise however i knew it couldnt last like this forever.Due to Taes passion with this type of job i knew conflict was sure to inured but i needed to accept it rather than live with it and not face it, already knowing where that would lead to.

I felt Taes hand squeeze me slightly signalling that he wanted something as i gazed upon his features. He began to lean in slightly understanding what he wanted i began to lean in too as it was what i wanted as well. I felt his lips part against mine taking in my lips with his. It felt like we hadnt kissed in a while even though it was only yesterday with the amount of chaos going on it felt like it had been forever but the kiss just proved that things were sure to grow better. The kiss hand lingered for a few moments feeling with each puncher a new meaning of our relationship was unlocked bringing us back to when times were better.

"I missed you."

"I missed you too."

Tae had showed me to the fighting rink as i took it all in. All of the crummy details it held. It certainly was undercover making me slightly concerned but tried to just follow along with what he had planned for what was to occur. Things had been going smoothly and i wanted things to continue as so so i followed after him happily playing along to the details. I had still been genuinely happy that he had managed to bring me here and actually talk upon his 'co-workers' about me set the worry in my heart aside.

We had walked in hand in hand into the place with a smile on both of our faces and just as we walked in Tae had already been eager to introduce me to one of his friends. While we begun to walk over i examined the the brick wall with pealing wallpaper. There held shelves upon the naked walls shelf's filled with awards that were polished as they were the most prized possession forgetting about everything else placed in its way. There had also displayed a rink where i assumed where most of the fighting took place. From where i stood i could make out the small blood splatters around the rink as people hadnt bothered to clean it up. I couldnt help but wonder if Tae's had been mixed in there as well but diverted my eyes before i thought to much causing more problems.

"This is the girl ive been telling you about."

Tae had smiled brighter than before as he introduced myself as i shook the his hand, eye display still remaining around the place. He held a strong grip and as i glanced upon him i could see his different colored tattoos each telling a different story. I could tell they held a meaning as some of them had peoples names and some signs stating the phrase 'R.I.P' telling a story of loss. I had been memorized by his tattoos sending me into a state of curiosity as i keep  on looking at them.

"I see you like my tattoos."

"Yes, theyre very beautiful. I can tell them mean alot to you."

"Yeah, i like this girl already."

He proceeded to give Tae a handshake of approval as he brought me in for a hug after words. I could tell that he truly cared about Tae and his choices. I remembered Tae talking about him being his trainer along the car ride displaying that he had been there with him even before he joined this business. He helped mentor him into the man he became today, a brother he sees him almost so meeting him was surely a big deal on my part.

"My names Jay Park by the way. Its certainly nice to meet you Y/N. Tae goes on and on about you it often gets annoying but anything to see him smile, i guess."

I blushed and cooed at Tae as he tried to play it off secretly cursing to Jay Park making me find the moment even more better as i clung onto Tae. He held his arm around my shoulder deciding to make best of this moment of showing off our relationships it was beginning to be at its prime.

"Ah, you guys surely in love but you should have seen him when he was younger. Big ole ears along with these big glasses. I might still have pictures."

I additionally perked up at the thought of seeing Tae in such state making my way over to Jay Park as Tae had pleaded not to let this secret be spilled of his past. I had eagerly wanted to see what had come from these pictures and if they would bring up any embarrassing memories and judging from his facial expression it held more than memories but a highly mindset of a smaller version of himself that i was eager to see. Tae had prepared himself as he backed away and looked at our facial expressions rather than the actual pictures.

Once Jay tapped on a picture displaying Tae as a teenager i couldn't help but cause a small giggle to come from my lips as Jay let a whole cackle lose not afraid. I looked at Taes face as it held straight and bored by our expressions. I couldnt help myself as the picture was slightly funny seeing Tae in such a state i handt seen him before, however he still was the Tae i learned to love.

"You still look good to me babe."

"Thats my girl, sticking up for her man."

Taes hands circled around my waist bringing me in for a small kiss before joining back in a conversation with Jay as i held small conversation with them as well. Understanding that they had meet through mutual friends who they had recently stooped hanging out with but still stuck together showing how strong their bond together was. They truly were brothers as they could with stand anything. I had liked that i was understanding that Tae hadnt only come here just for fighting but also for his family and to check up on them. It was nice he had someone to check up on and have someone to check up on him.

"Tae your preforming soon, we need you back stage."

Tae turned to us mostly being me as he smiled softly ruffling my hair telling me he would see me letting along with saying he would be okay knowing how much i worried. I nodded softly already feeling the worry fill my veins however i wanted to trust him even if i felt the dread slowly consume me. I needed to put my trust into him as it would help us grow stronger and also help him win this up coming battle.

"Let me introduce you to the rest of our family."

I turned my attention to Jay, i could tell he had felt my anxious emotions as they were radiating off of me and he aimed to fix this. He wanted this place to be filled with good vibes and prosperity besides the blood curling on the floor he wanted this place to feel safe. I could tell by the simple fact that he refereed to us as a family and i was eager to meet Taes family. Any family of Taes was welcomed to be a family of mine.

The last hour and couple of minutes had been spent of me circling around the basement meeting different members understanding their stories and what all lead them here. They each shared laughs and cries and along the way i shared these emotional boundaries with them as i already felt an emotional connection with them. One person had took out to me the most his name being Min Yoongi and telling me his struggle with anxiety and depression and finding a passion in fighting to help calm it down as well most importantly the family he had meet up with. His story had been one of the many that caused small tears to fall from my face but as we grew closer and he told me how he grew close with Tae and the rest of the family my heart had lightened and we begun to laugh instead of cry.

"Yeah i actually have a daughter around your sons age too."

"Really whats here name?"

"Jisso, shes very beautiful little angel inspires me every day."

"Kids just seem to do that to you dont they."

Yoongi seemed to have a soft spot when he talked about his daughter but anything else he seemed to put a guard up and not really dive into the topic. He hadnt been embarrassed by his daughter and i respected that and his ability to follow his day to day struggle. He found a way to tam thing struggle but still manged with it. He was strong along with the rest of Taes family and i was lucky enough to call them my family.

I had cooed at the pictures Yoongi had taken of him and his daughter making me think of my own son and wondering what he had been doing at this moment. I heard the shutting of the door making me come from my thought as someone asked me to follow to as i diverted my eyes to Yoongis apologizing for cutting the conversation short to which he waved off. I followed the person who i hadnt known or meet. She held long black hair and showed me to what i assumed was Taes dressing room. She had displayed me in the room leaving with out a word as i went to Tae who was seated on his bench with panic in his eyes.

I sat across from him on the bench picking up his face in my hands. I looked at him in his eyes trying to see what was wrong as throughout this whole day. Something must have been bothering him deep inside to affect him this much and i held a few ideas but nothing lived up to what actually was occurring.

"Whats wrong, you werent like this earlier today."

"I honestly dont know, maybe its the fact that Dylan isnt here and i just feel as if he thinks of me in a bad light now. I do this for him and it would break my heart if he thinks of me as the bad guy."

My heart had tightened at the fact that he had thought this in his mind. I wish he had known that what he was assuming hadnt been right. Even if he was bad Dylan would still find a way to love every aspect of him, that was how much Dylan had fully loved him. He could never turn his back on anyone let alone Tae. Tae had been his father figure and had saw everything he wanted to be through Tae. It was one of the many reasons i had fallen in love with him. The strong connection he held with my son had brought me to tears.

"I know that im not his biological father but i see him as my son and i dont want him to think bad of me."

"He doesnt and he will never think of you in such away."

"How do you know."

He was partially right. How would i know but i did have a way to find out. Taes eyes looked down while i searched through my pocket to retrieve my phone. I dialed my moms phone number before reaching the number and simply asking for Dylan to be on the phone. Before i could even hear his voice i placed the phone against Taes ear as he looked at me confused before he heard the enthusiastically 'Hi' from the other line. His boxy smile formed as small drops of tears fell from his eyes as he counted on a conversation. I had tuned it out wanting to have their own moment tuning the noise down and read through facial expressions. Tae still held that stupid smile on his face sometimes changing expressions where Dylan told hims something interesting he did or learned. He truly was a great father and he didnt need to see it himself to actually believe it but other people around him including my son. Dylan well knew that Tae was the best father he could ask for and he was well proud of him and his journey. The conversation gradually came to an end but Tae still held that big smile on his face.

"Fighting."

"Fighting."

With that the call had been ended and he handed me back the phone. I looked over his features as he know had a blank expression on his face showing no emotion not sure how to deal with this new one. He had been happy that he had gotten to speak to his son but also had been struggling with his own issues and if he hadnt fixed himself then he would be able to share this connection with him. In order to get pumped for a fight he needed to understand these actions that he caused and he needed to act out on them in the rink.

"I want you to focus on the fact that you have to talk to your child through a phone and not through face to face. You let your own problems get in the way of seeing your kid and you let it effect him in a small amount he doesnt even know but possibly when he grown up hes going to know. You dont want to be one of those fathers who miss everything their kids does and you know people are expecting this from you so prove them wrong, prove me wrong. I want you to go out there tonight and dedicate every punch to the people who proved you wrong. I want you to dedicate every punch to Dylan, me and your whole family. You have to fight for everyone including the people who doubted you. Can you do that?"

I looked at him as he still sat on the bench huffing with his shoulders slugged over. He seemed rather heated and focused on every word i said taking it within noticing every detail and how it effected him on a great level and he decided to go with it and make it right with every punch he could conger.

"Im ready."

The bell had rung as Tae stood in his corner as i meet with him with eager eyes. I knew he would meet beyond the expectations however things had only grown more surreal seeing his figure doused in confidence and bare knuckles preparing for the inevitable. He stood pacing around in the ring as i stood on the side lines along the comfort of Jay Park. He had known that my reactions certainly would be mixed about the situation but still knowing that i had wanted to see what was going to take place. With my emotions all mixed he hadnt known what actions i was going to partake in as he stayed in a comforting distance making sure nothing wrong were to happen.

I felt myself shaking in my bones as they had begun throwing the first punch. I had flinched slightly back seeing as Taes knuckles clashed in with his cheek even from the distance I stood i could hear the faint sound of cracking down. I hadnt found the sound so enduring but i knew for Tae it did, driving him to his next move.

Tae had managed to let out a couple of punches one after the other striking his opponent with all of his might. He had been hitting each punch with aggression and speed with enough willpower to not get hit in that amount of time however the streak had came to a painful end as the opponents fist had locked against his jaw. I felt myself perk up and look at bewildered eyes seeing the pain he had inflicted on my man. The fear had drawn from my blood being replaced with anger finally understand the Adrenalin Tae had gained from this.

"Hey listen hes okay trust me. The kids been doing this for quit a while now. Just try and keep your cool."

Jay had pulled me close trying to whisper the audible words to me. I had nodded off to what he said still gazing upon the match ahead of me. They had each been receiving plenty of blows to the abdomen making sure to dismiss the head but occasional scathing a piece of skin displaying the facial features. The crumbling bones of Tae had sent a shaking sensation in my soul telling me to scream out the anger but i listened to Jays sounding words trying to follow with them as they were words that I could follow through.

I grabbed onto the rope as my knuckles began to whiten from the anger coursing through my veins remained unman aged. I wanted to drag my attention to something else rather than that main reason i had been hyped up. The heavy breathes the chanting crowd and the loud impact upon each others bodies they had endured surely had been a reason why i couldn't tear eyes away. I tried to make things manageable but the more i stood back the more i saw Tae get more injured. He had still managed to throw punches but i had managed to focus more on the blows his opponent was taking on him as it had effected Tae the most as well as me. Every punch sent to his abdomen upper half and his whole being had sent the shock of fear into my body. I looked at Jay taking in his words before looking back at the scene before coming to face a substance fall from Taes lips. This substance had been the color of the deepest red tasting of metallic as it escaped his mouth it pondered against the rinks mat. It had mix with the dried blood previously laying on the floor causing an unthinkable amount of anger to flow throughout me, leaving Jays words out of the window.

"What the fuck you just made him bleed! What the fuck is this!"

"Its underground fighting, please control her Jay!"

The referee had stepped in trying to silence my screams all while Tae had slight glanced over before punching his in his torso causing him to fall down but to his luck bouncing back up. The referee had guided back to the fight at hand as Jay had pulled me further into his comfort. He had known i wasnt a little girl and had knew how to take control of myself however he knew as of now i couldnt take care of my actions. I held onto the rope steadily watching every blow already hating the impact but oddly finding an enchanting feeling from it.

The fight had been going on for a lengthy time each throwing in each effort into their punch. The fight had conjured up a good fight surely each spurting out a good amount of work. Now as they stood with each other and the referee announced the winner. It hadnt come as a shock to me that Tae had won as he sported a small smile showing his gratitude as the audience had clapped for him. He faced his opponent shaking his hand along with a brotherly hug as if the whole ordeal was put behind them. I couldnt contain myself feeling as the happiness had spread to me as well as i proceeded to climb over the rope besides Jays protest and went to hug Taes side. I made sure to do it rather carefully not wanting to harm himself however he had pushed that idea to the side as he hugged me tightly ignoring his winces feeling the warm embrace as he hugged me ignoring the happy cheers from the crowd and focusing on us.

"You guys surely have a connection, dont let that die. You put up a good fight even better with your girl here."

Taes opponent had patted him on the back in apprentice as he put his arm around me displaying a huge smile. I sported the same finally understanding what he had lived for making my heart swirl.I wanted to be by his side fully to support what he had loved because seeing this smile on his face surly had made things worth while.

I had been cleaning up the scratches displayed on Taes face as i had been on his lap while we were displayed in bed. The first aid kit had been displayed besides me as i manages to fix the small minor scratches on his face. I noticed that the small cut that i had stitched up last time had managed to damage itself to the point of busting back open. I began dabbing it with the cloth causing him to flinch slightly. He clutched onto my wrist not liking the pain causing me to laugh slightly due to the fight he had previously fought and he was beginning to flinch only now. I grabbed ahold of the needle holding his chin feeling anxious to put the needle through hi lip before he flinched and grabbed tightly onto my wrist causing me to stop.

"Wait, i cant do it im to scared."

"Come on you just got finished with a fight how can you be scared of a little needle."

"Can you just kiss it better?"

He looked at me with a pouted lip and puppy eyes that i usually melted over. I gave in as i parted my lips and met mine with his. I tasted the metallic of his blood. Focusing on his tongue being traced over his bottom lip in attempt to make him feel better as well as myself. I felt him grab the needle from my hand placing it on the bed side table before moving his hands to my ass. As we kept on with the warming kiss i felt his hands move apart my underwear signaling for something more than just intimate kissing.

"Tae, you know we cant youre hurt."

"Then well just have to be gentle."

His face had been serious wanting to feel my gentle touch. I had been hesitant at first but proceeded as i begun to take off my shirt feeling his eager palms take my naked breast in hands. I carefully slide my underwear to the side as well as helping him slide out from his shorts. He had winched slightly as i stopped myself before him hurrying to proceed my actions. I felt myself lower on him looking at him with a bliss filled expression as he met with the same expression. He held onto my hips guiding me making sure i hadnt been as rough.

His lips had gone to my neck marking me with his love bites causing moans to fall from my lips. I felt my breathe go heavy as well as his following with the soft skin slapping against one another. We hadnt had the time to properly have sex since we had another body to take care of and having time to ourselves surely had been comforting. We couldnt have gone to comfortable to it as we knew we had to come to terms with reality. We wanted to enjoy the euphoria as we kissed each other in a breathy moan feeling ourselves come undone as our foreheads were rested against another.

"Do you accept me and what I do?"

The question had surely been questionably after what we had done however i understood. After the emotional connection we had just shared he had wanted another answer after what had occurred. He needed to understand how i felt about this whole ordeal and if i hadnt he possibly could keep on with this. I knew I had fallen in love with the surrounding people who worked along with him and i certainly needed to accept what he loved.

"Of course baby."

I was proud of him and what he had become in such a little amount of time. I knew that being himself had been hard and I needed to remember that instead of putting to much expectations for him. We certainly werent a normal family as we had extra qualities added to us. I hadnt accepted what we had as extra baggies completely hinting at Taes job. I had loved his environment but not what he gained from it, that being scars and brutal bones.

"Please just promise me, when things get tough you leave that place. I cant see you end up dead."

I knew i was probably being dramatic when i let the word dead fall from my lips and knowing that this most likely couldnt happen. I still needed to voice what i felt as i feared for what could commence from what he loved.

"Of course baby."

He smiled at my softly bringing me in for a hug as his head rested against my head. I felt his heart beat against my ear banging like a drum. I knew he had added false truth to it as he knew even he couldnt give up when simple times had gotten difficult. It was a wondrous trait to have however at times like this it couldnt. What could happen if he couldnt come back from what he himself had caused on himself or maybe someone else he had loved. I knew that it couldnt end happily but as for now things seemed as if they were on the path to this. I wanted to just focus on this but i knew as time came along it couldnt possibly be this way. I had hopped Tae would play his cards right and stick by his family as they would have his back however sometimes not everyone can protect him.

Not even himself

[haectemporasunt]

 wiratomkinder Shall do!

You have any good dreams lately? haectemporasunt hmm well the desperate gray clown monster this morning 

was i telling you about the curse one?

i d have mentioned a play  wiratomkinder That wasnt a dream that was an omen  wiratomkinder And no u did not! haectemporasunt heheh  haectemporasunt well! at this stage i m not sure i ll remember quite as much but 

speaking of stephen king and joe hill and my crush on the girl from the ring

one of the things i ve always been into is the idea of kids banding together to defeat a supernatural evil and then later, (usually as teens), they have to go back and deal with it once and for all  wiratomkinder Ooooooo haectemporasunt yeah it sounds cool but is kind of embarrassing bc you Know i m self inserting myself as one of those kids 

snort ok anyway, this

dream followed that same sort of typical line haectemporasunt there was a play being performed at school and i had some bad presentiment about it, there was something i couldnt remember and i didnt want it performed, but since i cldnt articulate my fears couldnt convince the school to stop the play, nor cld i convince my younger brother not to star in it   wiratomkinder Aughh that sounds stress inducing haectemporasunt so i m fiddling w my car and it s raining heavily and i m outside the auditorium, and the radio starts emitting static, and i stop fiddling w the light.... and i can distantly hear one of the play's (it was a musical i guess?) songs starting 

and i Remembered haectemporasunt In my dream i just clenched up bc i remembered Her the Bad Thing and i remebered --and the memories were dizzying and made me feel ill, like waves of sickness that hit you inescapably and you know youre gonna vomit but there s no bathroom near   wiratomkinder Hooooogh thats strong haectemporasunt when i was in school and my friends and i put on a play, and --i couldnt remember it all, but i rmemebered my friends and i in red coats [apparently doing the play but not in the auditorium, somewhere underground and filled with tree roots], standing around a big hole in stony ground, and stairs leading down , curving around the side into darkness, and i remember holding sheets of musical notes and old books, and i remember us saying things, and something going wrong 

and whatever our goal was w our play, we must have gotten it, but we also got Her haectemporasunt you wld think she d have crawled up out of the dark but now 

no*

i dont remember how she appeared but it wasnt from below, she was a symptom, not the source  wiratomkinder Hooooly shit haectemporasunt and all of this is flashing in my head like how in my head i imagine epilepsy is like, and i m still in my car clutching at the air and whimpering but i m overcome with fear bc i m remembering and it s terrifying bc it means something happened to make me forget 

and that s when i realize, firstly, that my friends, the others that performed the play with me in the underground room, most of them were no longer around and i didnt remember why or how but no one else remembered them either, there was just me and one other friend, and we didnt talk anymore,

and secondlly, i realized that it was almost pitch dark in my car even tho it was light outside the window, and the darkness was centered behind me  wiratomkinder Jeeeeeeeeez haectemporasunt and you know that slow turn that ppl do in horror movies? and they see the Thing grinning at them? and then they die? 

this is the cool part of my dream--or it was cool for me anyway bc , again, i m a sucker for these tropes

bc i imagined that happening, and i could feel Her behind me and i cld hear her teeth

but ... i had dealt with this before even tho i cldnt remember the details, and i knew looking behind me wld be Death

worse than death haectemporasunt bc death ends   wiratomkinder hyoley shit haectemporasunt but i d dealt with her so i knew first , she would talk to me. because of our intense history [fuck you max and your fetish for killer undead women], she wld want to play w me a little, so i had an opening where she wldnt kill me outright   wiratomkinder GGHFGHFFHH haectemporasunt so i was pretending i was still remembering , and i was slowly moving my hand towards the door handle  haectemporasunt and i felt her hair brush against my ear and she whispered "i missed you, max. you have to look at me now" 

and i grabbed the door handle and slammed against the car door to get out...but it was locked.  wiratomkinder YEEEESH haectemporasunt so, 

i have enough time to think, Shit haectemporasunt and then her arms are around my neck and she is twisting me so i will look at her back behind me in the back seat 

her hands make me ache

(btw wtf was happening to me that i was feeling this? i can only think it was the tinge of a body part going numb, or i was sleeping on my neck wrong)

but in my hands i now had the , whatchamacallit, the program for jake's play,

and i kept getting flashes of what i wld look like from the outside as i died, but i Knew now that bc the program had words from the play on it, i cld use that paper as a barrier , albeit small , against her

but i had to look at her to hold the paper up against her  wiratomkinder hyooooof like fighting a medusa riding a basilisk haectemporasunt hehehe 

so i turn around and i m trying to look only at the paper as i shove it hard against her bedraggled ripped up chest as she s scratching at me, but in the corner of my eye i can see her face and it is.... nightmarish

ha, literally  wiratomkinder OH NOO haectemporasunt she is grinnig impossibly wide--and her head is so big, it s bigger than her body or that's how it feels--like, it s normal sized, but ,,,,, it feels really close up against you even when she s separated from you by a chair...it s hard to describe but you can feel something is immense and monstrous inside and 'beyond' her 

she s bigger than this corpse she s using  wiratomkinder Yess like a weird perception thing

Your field of vision zooms tf in haectemporasunt i m nost sure how to describe her face in a way that actuall y evokes the terror 

especially when, ha, you cld summarize her homicidal glee as 'Dead and Loving It'

but her face was smashed

like porcelain  wiratomkinder Yee gotcha gotcha  wiratomkinder Oof haectemporasunt black cracks, red meat, and her eyes were really horrible and big, and her mouth was too wide, inhumanly wide, and cracked too  haectemporasunt and she was very happy and furious to see me 

we apparently had unfinished business that involved me being brutally broken

and then worst than killed

ha sorry i m taking too long  wiratomkinder No ur good!

I wanna know whats up with ms. Corpse bride over here haectemporasunt i pushed the paper aginst her and she was trying to throttle me and she was laughing in this quiet whispery way that was...super creepy bc it was like immense passion whistling out of cracks  haectemporasunt and w my free hand i m scrabbling at the door lock, and finally it comes freen but now the paper is basically being sandwiched btw me and Her, we re pressed against each other and that sbad bc she s making me hallucinate that i m already dead and broken , like, i can see that my neck got broken when the car's tires somehow rolled over my neck  haectemporasunt (i guess that was a power of hers, remembering deaths and then they become real?) 

but the door gets free and i tumble backwards out of the car and slam it shut!!!!!  wiratomkinder FREEDOM!!!! haectemporasunt yeah!!!  haectemporasunt god it felt so good, id outwitted ( """"outwitted"""") her once again, and she cldnt leave the car for some reason--in waking hours i think, maybe bc it was still daylight even tho rain? or bc it was open sky? but in the dream i just Knew she cldnt follow me . i was safe until i went back indoors 

which i wld have to do in order to enter the auditorium and stop the play haectemporasunt but i was remembering this wasnt the first time i d outwitted her! i cld remember dank school corridors and a blue tiled pool and other situations where i d managed to evade her,e ven as she crawled into other people and burst them apart from the inside 

knowledge...with knowledge you cld survive against her, but there was something you needed to forget too, and i was starting to remember that too haectemporasunt in fact i cld remember the last time, the time the third to last of our friend group died, and friend (the one i didnt speak to anymore) and i had agreed that we needed to forget   wiratomkinder Hyoooooooogh  wiratomkinder Tactical amnesia haectemporasunt it was camping, we were desperate and trying to escape the play's consequences (which went beyond Her bc she was a mere symptom rmemeber) , we d made a sacrifice, done a ritual, and we were trying to isolate ourselves, and i remember watching my friend die in that campsite, i cant remember what happened now, i think their tent collapsed, and then something was in the collapsed tent with them, and we cld just see their squirming body and hear this ... sink disposal unit sound 

and i nearly died in my tent with Her on top of me, squeezing my throat and slamming me rhythmically with one of the tomes we d used in the play ritual, just smashing me in the face and her horrible smile

and the remaining friend had intervened, and she dug her fingernail under my eye and then she was gone

and that was when we decided we had to forget  wiratomkinder Holy shit haectemporasunt sadly that was getting near the end 

i remember the auditorium being very red and i remember my brother and his friends looking up as i approached

i remember the terrible importance of what i d chosen to forget

and i dont know what She was except she was partly a Force ie a force of (super)nature and that she d also once been a girl with feelings and perhaps love in her heart haectemporasunt but sadly i cant really remember anything else 

just me and my papers trying to convince others not to commit the same mistakes i did i guess?  wiratomkinder Holy shit

Thats really somethin!!! haectemporasunt i m kinda sad bc if i were to copy paste this for tumblr to enjoy someone s gonna be like Lol gravity falls forgetting plot 

or something  wiratomkinder Awww naw i dunno haectemporasunt but i really liked it! and not just bc i felt important and knowledgable   wiratomkinder Dreams is dreams they happen as they happen

And hell yeah! That was an adventure!

[lilacflamesss]

TG:re[quest] Union: Reaction

Hey guys, so I suggested it and some of you were pretty supportive of this so yes, here’s my reaction to the Ayahina novel story! @poclee had kindly translated it here so if you guys want to, check that out first! Special thanks to them for translating it! 

Okie leggo. This story is Ayahina/Aogiri heaven. It’s really the only Aogiri story we’ve ever had and I am so pleased with it because we get to see more of Miza, Naki and even a little of Seidou as well. 

I get a little shippy under the cut with my longer reaction but I want to say something really interesting I noticed. The imagery of the aogiri tree is really strong in here and Hinami compares the organization to a literal tree. As a member, she’s in its shade and here, sunlight never reaches. This lightless image continues when she talks about how she’s used to the night now and how the base, even in the day, is really dark. When she’s with Eto, she calls is the deepest part of the tree and normally, the deepest, is usually the darkest.  But there are times when she talks about light and all these have to do with Ayato. The first time in a while since she goes out in the day is to find coffee beans to make them for Ayato. After some time with Ayato, she’s convinced of a light that’s beginning to shine. And it’s an interesting contrast– the woman who brought her in as darkness and the boy who’s asking her to leave as light. Hinami can only return to the light if she leaves the organization. 

Only after she leaves Aogiri and Cochlea she’s ends up underground, but whatever.

I talk more underneath– weee! Let’s go.

WINGS. Hinami hiding under people’s wings– it has to start with a clear Kirishima reference 

Ayato’s so harsh when he says she’s in the way and all but at the same time, he tells her to take care of herself. Clearly his tsundere meters had toned down from the ‘i’d beat the fuck out of you so no one else can’ level in the original TG.

Hinami wants to cover her ears but she doesn’t because that’s the only way she can tell if Ayato is okay. Hinami cares about him so much as well my heart is breaking oh my god. And she’s super bitter that he’s doing her share as well ahhhh. GODDAMMIT I LOVE THEM. 

Ayato’s first words to her when he’s back was to try and cheer her up and it’s so unlike him. Hinami’s excited to seem him back and god she’s worried if he’s hurt ;-; (especially since he fought for her sake as well)

I love this part where Hinami’s comparing him to Touka but she doesn’t say anything yet but Ayato knows she is and he stops her from saying anything else. I wonder how many times she’s told him he’s like Touka, probably enough till he’s completely sick of it. 

Ayato being burdened with work after work in Aogiri is something I always loved because like, he’s such an important member to the organization, no wonder Tatara was so harsh on him when he was disobedient. But, imagine the possible consequences of his disobedience getting out. Sometimes, I wonder what would happen if we saw more of Aogiri during and pre Rue arc. There has to be some reaction among the members below when Ayato, the strongest and most experienced Executive left the organization. I mean, there’s bound to be some chaotic consequence. Aogiri Tree in general was a really untapped potential and one of the things I’m the most upset about when it comes to Ishida’s writing actually. 

Hinami is sweet and lovable but she hasn’t changed at all?? She’s still worrying about burdening others, but like if Auction told me anything it’s untrue. 

God is she a shojou manga heroine??? 

Yes, give him something he likes, good girl. I think you’re the first person in this entire manga who’s ever thought of making Ayato happy, aside from Touka that is. Good good. Clearly no one bothers enough about what he thinks and feels since they had a wedding for his sister in his absence.

It must be so painful for Hina to be with Ayato? She misses both Touka and Anteiku whenever she’s with him. God, Hina you shouldn’t have left, my girl.

Lmao Aogiri sucks. A ghoul organization that doesn’t have basic coffee brewing equipment. This made me think about that time in Root A when Kaneki was making coffee. Where did those things come from? Did he sneak some out of Anteiku. 

She actually had work to do as well, why does she think she’s useless. Hinami I love you. 

Hinami’s so used to Aogiri now? In the past she used to go out more in the day. I think it’s interesting how her being used to the night ties in well to the earlier imagery of the Aogiri Tree– and how her being under their shade had stolen the sunlight from her life. 

Seidou, sigh. Don’t traumatize Hinami. To be honest, I seriously still dislike Seidou as Owl. But I love Hinami’s reaction to him. She’s so un-Aogiri, yet even when she says she doesn’t belong and all, you can see that no one else (by that I mean the Executives) think so as well. 

Also lmao, Seidou’s head-ball dropped onto the ground and all Hinami thought was how the sound it made was similar to the sound of the heads dropping when Ayato chopped them off. Always thinking about Ayato I see. :’)

Miza is so sassy. I love her.

MIZA IS ENVIOUS OF AYAHINA’S RELATIONSHIP. I’m not sure if Miza has fallen for Naki yet. Technically the manga made it seem like it was after Auction that she realized her feelings for him but I think it’s blossoming even now. But either way, Miza is someone who wants children, so going by that line, I’m sure she longs for a romantic relationship as well. Which means, for her to be envious of Hinami’s relationship with Ayato… huehuehue (Does Miza picture Ayahina’s kids I wonder)

Miza’s relationship with Hinami is precious. I love them. She’s so protective. 

Hinami being unable to fight and kill due to her personality and not just ability and Hinami thinks about how this troubles Ayato. The contrasts between the two of them are so interesting. They’re so different in many aspects of themselves, but in the end, both Hinami and Ayato still struggle with and crave for the same thing. ;-;

Apparently Miza isn’t so good with sunlight. Fun tidbit. I’m glad we get to know more about the other members of Aogiri as well in this story. For an Aogiri fangirl like me, this story is amazing even without the Ayahina. 

HA. Okay, Hinami and Miza have a cute little girl to girl moment here that I absolutely love. They both find each other cute and are envious of each other… They’re adorable. New brotp guys. 

Hinami is so surprised that Miza is over 30 but Miza prefers this to being called Old Hag by the White Suits, aw. Hinami still apologized what a sweetheart. 

I feel some kind of parallel with Miza and Ayato over here? Hinami says that she feels like Miza is always taking care of Naki and Miza response is to complain about how he always rushes into things and how she doesn’t want to be dragged down by him. I feel some similarities to Ayato when he’s with Hinami. 

Miza doesn’t like sacrificing people, aw. I love this new batch of Aogiri leaders. Ayato-Miza-Naki combi is the complete opposite of tg!Ayato-Bin-Yamori combi. There’s so much care and love from the :re batch. 

Hinami thinking about Kaneki. Ahhhh. 

Miza is jealous of Hinami’s aura that makes people want to protect her, but Hinami hates this part of her– Miza and Hinami seem to really want what the other has. Sigh. These two. 

Miza talks about how valuable Hinami is to the organization like, come on Hinami, you’re amazing please. And also, since Aogiri doesn’t have enough girls, it seems like Miza really likes having Hinami around. 

The picture of Hinami and Miza is too adorable. Hinami, your hair. =w= She’s so cute???

Hinami’s so thorough– she asks the clerks and all and spends quite a bit of time in the stores. SO MUCH DEDICATION, GIRL. 

Some blade guy called Mikami appears. (Lmao, Mikami? Death Note ruined this name for me lol.)

Some Blade stuff. Hinami notes how the Blades were more like family and how despite the respect Mikami has to Miza, there seems to be no hierarchy. It’s something we see briefly in the manga as well during the Rue Island arc but it’s nice to see more of it, especially considering how Miza seemed to have lost all of her Blades. I kinda feel sad for her now. 

Hinami starts feeling comforted by Mikami and Miza and she wonders if she’s worrying and pushing herself too much and it’s amazing oh my god how she’s starting to feel better about herself. SHE STARTS BEING MORE POSITIVE ABOUT HERSELF asadlkkhskafa i love hinami 

She wants Miza to try some as thanks WHAT A HINAMI THING 

Okay but Miza the Ayahina shipper surfaces now when she tells Hinami to save the first cup of coffee for Ayato but then later says that Hinami can use her as practice instead. 

This scene is so heartbreaking because Hinami thinks about everyone in Anteiku and the instructions came from different members. She must really miss them so much and it’s really a pity how she’s no longer with them. SHE EVEN THINKS OF NISHIKI OKAY. 

Naki being Naki as usual but listen, he’s dense af and Miza is just too in love I CANT

Hinami wanting to make coffee for everyone but Miza’s like “bruh, didnt you buy this for ayato”. After this story, you guys can’t convince me otherwise. Miza is the number 1 Ayahina shipper in canon. NOT TO MENTION, she told Hinami to enjoy the last two cups of coffee with Ayato coughcoffeedatecough

Ayahina’s scene LEGGO

Ayato came home late and he seems really tired and stressed– my headcanonsssssss ;w; Still, I’m honestly surprised that it’s actually true that Ayato’s a lot busier than the rest are. Even Miza seemed shocked earlier on when Mikami said Ayato isn’t back yet. Tatara, stop working him to the bone gdi. 

Hinami’s so sweet? Even after all the trouble and training, she wonders if maybe letting Ayato rest would be a better idea. I can’t believe people used to say that Hinami probably doesn’t care about Ayato like she is so concerned and worried that she contemplates letting him rest instead. 

AYATO HAS GROWN– god Hinami thinking about this made me chuckle. And I love how she completely sees through that tsundere :’) 

AYATO IS YOMO 2.0 CONFIRMED. When Hinami mentioned how he doesn’t talk much that’s all I could really think about. Ahhhh… 

Ayato’s so dreamy when she’s making coffee for him. It’s like he’s silent and even Hinami commented that his mind seemed to be wandering. I BET HE’S THINKING ABOUT TOUKA because it’s in this same novel where Touka thinks about how she used to make coffee for Ayato as practice. 

Tsundere bunny is so tsun that he can’t even comment or thank her but Hinami knows him so well that she can tell he liked it and that he probably was happier and seriously, this is my favorite part, when she actually thinks that there will be light waiting ahead. Being with Naki and Miza comforted her and made her surer of herself but only when she was with Ayato did she receive some hope and courage. 

The imagery of Aogiri being a dark tree with shadows appears quite a bit here and how because of Aogiri Hinami doesn’t have much light in her life. She got used to the night, the base was dark despite it being noon, etc. But I think it’s interesting how there’s also light in here and all of it has something to do with Ayato– she went out in the day to get coffee beans and utensils for Ayato, it was after he drank her coffee that she was convinced that there will be light waiting for her. 

There wasn’t a break here but I just had to split because I hate this scene so much ;-; 

Hinami you should have just listened to Miza and drank together with Ayato. Your coffee date would have been so much more worth it than giving it to Eto. 

What’s interesting is that when she was going to Eto, it was referred to as her walking into the deepest of the tree. If there’s light waiting ahead, she’s walking away. (I wonder if this is me thinking too much into it, but if Aogiri is what covers Hinami with darkness and shadow, Eto, the person who brought her in is the deepest part of the tree, also the darkest probably. On the other hand, Ayato who’s always asking her to leave the organization is the one who was compared with light here. If there’s light at one end and darkness at the other, one is the kind of life she had without the organization, with Anteiku, the 6th Ward Gang, her parents, etc, while the other is Aogiri.) 

Another thing I like is how, to Eto, Hinami is seemingly dehumanized? She’s just another member in the organization. She’s nothing special. She’s replaceable, etc, just like how Tatara treats her in the manga. Even though Eto knows Hinami is there, she doesn’t bother until Hinami calls out. When she offers Eto the coffee, Hinami describes breathing to be difficult as well. And this is such a contrast to when she was with Miza and the rest, because being with them actually made her comfortable. Miza in fact told her she’s important. 

Reading this after Rue arc makes me a little bitter because seeing how Aogiri is, there was so much more potential in there. The organization was so badly split between the higher-ups and those below. I feel like it would have been really interesting to actually see them falling apart before the raid. Just some untapped potential, which seems to go along well with the rest of Aogiri currently in the manga (ie. Tatara and Eto’s ‘deaths’). Sigh. 

Another thing I find interesting is how Ayato is not enough to save Hinami in a way? Like, the light he provided for her was immediately overshadowed by Eto. Because in the end, Hinami’s own desire is still much stronger– she wants to get stronger so she remains in the organization, she believes so strongly that she’s weak so she doesn’t believe when others tell her she’s not, but when Eto does something to reinforce her own insecurities, she immediately falls even deeper. I really feel so sad for her but I love this bit actually. 

Hinami being eaten up as nutrition for the tree– in a way, she was. Aogiri used her for her abilities, which were clearly very valuable– and then when she’s no longer there, they simply discarded her. I think it’s suitable how in the end, Ayato went to save her with the Anteiku people rather than Aogiri people. Even though she had friends here, it makes it seem like how the Tree had washed its hands off her because it was done with her. It had eaten its fill, you know. 

Sigh Hinami you really should have listened to Miza here.