#and it totally fits w J’s character and his role in Will’s life as an older brother/confidant

[seaglassdinosaur]

One of the best things coming out of season four is the collective agreement that despite them barely interacting Jonathan is fucking pissed at Mike right now, but Mike is just too oblivious to notice.

[nightqueendany]

Original Final Season 7 - Episode 7: A City Fit For A King

This entire episode and subsequent ones take place in various King’s Landing locations. The episode also takes place entirely at night, the Long Night has descended on King’s Landing and it will remain night until around the middle of Episode 10

Arya and Gendry 

Finally reunite, he jokes he was just going to be on his way to Winterfell to see her but she came to him instead, after they hear about the retreat of the North and the Wall falling, Arya tasks Gendry with making her a specialized weapon, Gendry is only too happy to oblige

Once team Stark arrives on the Greyjoy ships/with the dragonglass, Gendry teaches the other smiths on the Street of Steel how to work the dragonglass and convinces them to start making weapons for the coming battle against the Army of the Dead (he uses the Long Night as his evidence to convince them)

Team Stark/Greyjoy 

Arrive in King’s Landing, Bran successfully/stealthily gets a small party of them into the city to meet up with Davos, Tyrion, Jaime, Gendry, and Arya

Team Targaryen 

(Jorah, Missandei, Melisandre and Grey Worm) make it into King’s Landing, Bran/Tyrion know to look for them because of the raven from Summerhall

Sam and Gilly 

Also arrive in King’s Landing as there’s really nowhere to go with the dead coming south - much of Westeros that believes in the threat of the White Walkers is converging on the city

Jon and Daenerys 

Arrive just outside King’s Landing, their armies gathered there believe they are going to attack the city but Jon and Dany inform them that there is a much more important threat coming for them all - the Army of the Dead

Arya meets Jon and Dany outside the city gates and leads them secretly inside to meet with everyone else

Baelish 

Runs into Gilly in the thick of things, asks her what she’s reading, she shows him Septon Maynard’s diary, Baelish reads the passage about Rhaegar and Lyanna’s marriage, juicy stuff, the cogs start turning

Baelish later catches up with Howland Reed (whom he knows was with Ned when he found Lyanna dying of a “fever”), pumps him for information, what did he and Jon talk about back at Greywater Watch, what did Howland give Jon?

Howland is onto Baelish but accidentally lets slip the “gift” (Rhaegar’s harp) for Jon was something of his mother’s, Baelish’s spidey senses are tingling off the charts, he asks Howland if this has anything to do with Rhaegar and Lyanna’s secret marriage, Howland is taken aback, can’t answer, Baelish is satisfied, he’s figured it out, this is an even better secret than Dany’s infertility, it’s fucking Christmas for Littlefinger

Baelish confides in Varys, this news is mind blowing however neither can predict how Dany will react to this news (they don’t know Jon has told Dany yet), however, if she reacts in a way that derails their plans - marry Jon, name Sansa heir - they have already set up their contingency plan anyway

Bran

Tells Jon/Dany that the Night King has undead Viserion and while this initially worries everyone about the Night King’s arrival, Bran assures everyone that the Night King staying with his army rather than flying ahead. Viserion would only burn the living making them un-turnable so the NK would prefer his army to attack the living instead. Undead Viserion is only for fighting Dany’s living dragons

Bran and Arya have a private moment and he goes back to pestering her about her magical Stark blood. Arya still thinks it’s stupid - she’s the assassin, he’s the warg. But Bran reminds Arya that her assassin abilities rely on her becoming someone (something else). If she can turn into a different person with just a face, what else could she be capable of? Arya is reluctant, but finally allows Bran to blindfold her (like she was sightless at the House of Black and White) in order to help her see and Arya wargs Nymeria for the first time. Arya is stunned by what she’s just been able to do but realizes there’s not much difference between becoming someone else with a face and becoming her wolf. Bran tells Arya she’s always been the warrior in the family, he needs her to be a different kind of warrior in the fight against the dead

Bran convinces everyone they need to treat with Cersei so Cersei will open the gates of King’s Landing to allow everyone to take refuge in the city/defend the city as that’s where the AOTD are headed

Bran explains the Night King is headed to King’s Landing because one million people reside in the city - if the Night King takes King’s Landing, there won’t be any army in the world that can stop him (a city fit for the night king), they must protect the city/the people at all costs

Cersei 

Cersei sends word to Euron summoning him back to King’s Landing.

Team Stark/Targaryen meet with Cersei and the meeting is relatively brief, just a few key players - Bran, Jon, Dany, Cersei, Jaime, Tyrion, Qyburn, The Mountain - Cersei quips why would she let all Stark/Targaryen armies into her city, what if they’re there to pull a Tywin and sack the city, Bran points out they’ve been in the city for several days and hundreds of soldiers are already waiting to act if she doesn’t comply - they can either do this the easy way and leave Cersei alive and safe in the Red Keep, or they can do this the hard way and kill her before the dead arrive, Cersei reluctantly opens the city to all the armies and all the people of Westeros seeking asylum from the Army of the Dead

As they are leaving Cersei, Bran turns back to her and answers the question she’s been too afraid to ask but has been wondering since the very beginning: The one she’s feared, the one she’s been afraid of, the one who has cast her down and taken all she holds dear... it’s her past self and the memory of that prophecy haunting her all her life. The Younger, More Beautiful, Queen.

Episode title would come from a Bran line about King’s Landing being the perfect city for the Night King to attack. It’s where Aegon I landed so of course the new big “conqueror” of the series, the main “King” would have to “land” here as well - and he will have his own dragon to boot, just like Aegon I.

Episode 7 Inside the Episode: A City Fit For A King

1) Everyone in King’s Landing? Really?

I know, I know. But it makes sense. Season 7 nearly everyone converged on King’s Landing for the “summit” only to leave that same episode, and then the same thing happened in Season 8 with everyone converging on Winterfell only to leave it a few episodes later too. Plus, it makes the most sense for everyone to want to protect King’s Landing because of the city's population. “That’s more people than the entire North, crammed into that.” So it would be WAY more devastating for the AOTD to attack King’s Landing than to just hang around the North. As Bran would tell everyone in this episode, if the Night King takes King’s Landing, there won’t be any army in the whole world that can stop him. So it finally gives us STAKES for what would happen if the living lose. Like, real stakes.

2) Bran the Strategist?

It makes a lot of sense for Bran to be the strategist here and calling many of the shots because a) he’s all knowing and can see hundreds of thousands of battles into the past, what strategies worked, which ones didn’t, and b) we’re setting him up to be King here. To see Bran flex his skills and show them off was totally what was missing from Seasons 7&8, you know, showing the audience WHY Bran is the perfect person to be King because of his abilities - along with a more human Bran in general and remember, here he is normal Bran, just all knowing too, like Bloodraven.

3) Baelish figuring out R+L=J so easily?

Like I’ve said, Baelish is the information guy. He knows everything. He can put things together before anyone else can so it makes sense he would find this out about Jon on relatively few clues. Plus, he was around for the Rebellion. He’d be quicker to put this info together than say, Jon or Dany, who hadn’t been born yet.

4) Warg Arya?

FUCK. YES. Arya is already a warg in the books but I feel like this is also where all the HOB&W stuff was going in the show as well. Arya is showcasing her abilities and not only that, her magical powers will have a role in the endgame, unlike in 8x03 where she just stabbed the Night King with the Catspaw dagger - something literally any other character could have done.

5. YMBQ??

Yep, it’s Cersei’s past self. Sorry guys. I’m just convinced of this. I know the books suggest it could be Dany and there’s definitely a lot to support that. But Dany didn’t kill Joffrey or drive Jaime away or get Cersei imprisoned by the faith, none of it. It was Cersei herself. Cersei has been behind all her own downfalls so to me, the YMBQ is Cersei’s younger self, the memory of the prophecy, wanting it to not come true, and Cersei inadvertently doing everything to make the prophecy come true. 

As always, comments are welcome. 

Until next week!

To Read Previous Episodes:

Original Final Season 7: Preface Post

Season 7 Episode 1: Family, Duty, Honor

Season 7 Episode 2: Greywater Watch

Season 7 Episode 3: The Last of the Dragons

Season 7 Episode 4: Dragonglass

Season 7 Episode 5: The Storm

Season 7 Episode 6: Summerhall 

Season 7 Episode 7: A City Fit For A King (Current Episode)

Season 7 Episode 8: Protectors of the Realm

Season 7 Episode 9: The Battle For The Dawn

Season 7 Episode 10: ?

[the-ghost-and-the-writer]

NSFW Alphabet-Chris Argent

As evidenced, I may have a thing for older guys with emotional problems and blood on their hands. Like my personal tumblr isn’t entirely daddy issues

18+ F!Reader

A = Aftercare (What they’re like after sex)

He’s quite tender with you afterwards, his voice not going above a mutter as he lies beside you and trails his fingers up and down your body to make sure you enjoyed it

B = Body part (Their favourite body part of theirs and also their partner’s)

He loves your hands. He loves holding them, kissing your fingers, feeling you stroke his cheek or down his neck and over his chest. He’s fairly obvious about it as well, since he never leaves without kissing your hand and he’s always searching for your hand to hold even in your own home

Because of the attention you give, he has a preference for his arms and his shoulders. It ties in with his love of your hands and how you trail your touch across his shoulders and down his arms sometimes when you talk to him. He also loves sneaking up behind you and scooping you up in his arms to scare you, since it’s just an excuse to pick you up and feel you

C = Cum (Anything to do with cum basically… I’m a disgusting person)

He’s a traditional guy, he doesn’t want to mess you up unnecessarily so he’ll either cum inside you or in your mouth

D = Dirty Secret (Pretty self-explanatory, a dirty secret of theirs)

It’s not a secret that he doesn’t like how Peter Hale looks at you and acts with you, more than once have you had to calm him down from going all Rocky Balboa on Peter’s face. What he hasn’t told you is that there are times he wants to tie Peter down and fuck you in front of him, just so the wolf can get it through his head that there is no chance

E = Experience (How experienced are they? Do they know what they’re doing?)

Having been married once, though it not ending well, and an unknown amount of people both before and after that, he has got a fair bit of experience so he very much knows how to make your toes curl

F = Favourite Position (This goes without saying. Will probably include a visual)

Though of course he loves any position that allows him to see your face, he has a weak spot for taking you from behind and he’ll take every opportunity to bend you over any available bit of furniture

G = Goofy (Are they more serious in the moment, or are they humorous, etc)

Most of the time, it’s serious from the second you kiss to the instant you catch your breath when you’re finished, because he wants you to be sure that he is genuine about your relationship

Other times, more adrenaline-fuelled after dealing with the Typical Shit™, the two of you are so desperate and clumsy that it’s only inevitable that you’ll end up in a giggling fit

H = Hair (How well-groomed are they, does the carpet match the drapes, etc.)

He’s quite well-groomed down there, more out of his comfort than vanity. He doesn’t like being too dirty so he usually shaves or at least trims it down there

I = Intimacy (How are they during the moment, romantic aspect…) 

Chris loves being intimate. Taking his time with you, to focus on just being together, is one thing he gets particularly riled up for because he can just forget the bullshit and be with you.

Any time you have sex could be intimate and romantic, regardless of where you are. A few times in his car have been the more romantic times together

J = Jack Off (Masturbation headcanon)

He doesn’t do it much, preferring to have your touch than his own, but there are times when he can’t ignore his need and you’re not there

When he does jerk off, he thinks of all the things he wants to do to you when he gets you alone

K = Kink (One or more of their kinks)

He has the expected ones for someone like him (bondage, blindfolding, etc) but he wouldn’t count those as his favourite kinks. Roleplay and exhibitionism would be his main depravities

Roleplay; It doesn’t have to be going all out, costumes and a fucking plot idea, but he does find a kick to playing out scenarios that wouldn’t be possible otherwise. It can be ridiculous little ideas like you being a rogue hunter who kidnaps him and uses him for whatever you want, as long as you’re into it as much as he is then it’s amazing.

Exhibitionism; He’ll never do it with you anywhere that you could get into too much trouble or anywhere too out in the open but the idea of getting caught or being watched with you is a thrill. In his car at the side of the road in the middle of the night, or in a room with the door only a bit open when people are in the house, in the woods, he’ll have you anywhere as long as you’re down for it. If anyone does end up catching you, it’s only an issue to him if it is for you.

L = Location (Favourite places to do the do)

As mentioned above, he will take you anywhere he can, especially when you have to keep yourself quiet.

His favourite place is probably your bedroom though. It’s private and personal and he feels like he can be more attentive and emotionally exposed

M = Motivation (What turns them on, gets them going)

You purposefully teasing him will always turn him on, from what you’re wearing to the tone of your voice and how you touch him so casually. But you teasing him always gets you some of it back, even before you get down to it

N = NO (Something they wouldn’t do, turn offs)

He’d never hurt you, even if you suggest it. Minor things, like gripping your wrists tightly or fucking you hard enough for it to ache or spanking you with his hand, he’s open to but he wouldn’t use anything like a paddle or (god forbid) a whip on you.

Also, any cutting or marking is off the table. He has, on occasion when you’re roleplaying, brought out a knife to put against your skin but he wouldn’t ever cut you even slightly. It’s the same when the roles are reversed; he has far too many cuts and scars from his work anyway and he doesn’t see how it can be arousing

O = Oral (Preference in giving or receiving, skill, etc)

Chris fucking adores eating you out, you don’t even need to ask half the time. If he doesn’t get a taste of your pussy at least once a week then he will make up for it the next week for definite. His favoured way of waking you up is with his tongue on your clit

Of course, like most guys, he has a love of getting your lips around his cock and he is very vocal about how good it feels

P = Pace (Are they fast and rough? Slow and sensual? etc.)

Most of the time, he does go quite rough and though he tries to keep it slow he does lose the control towards his end

Q = Quickie (Their opinions on quickies rather than proper sex, how often, etc.)

He usually only suggests a quickie if he really can’t handle your teasing any longer or it’s been too long since you’ve had the chance to spend time together, so he doesn’t see them as on the same level of proper sex. They’re just a temporary outlet.

R = Risk (Are they game to experiment, do they take risks, etc.)

Risk is the norm for him, in pretty much every aspect of his life, so of course he’s down to experiment unless it has the chance of hurting you

S = Stamina (How many rounds can they go for, how long do they last…)

He has the control down to the point where one round could last almost an hour if need be and he can usually go for two rounds which is more than enough for him to make sure you get yours

T = Toy (Do they own toys? Do they use them? On a partner or themselves?)

He has a few, in the dark recesses of his closet. Mostly bondage stuff like soft rope or silk, cuffs, blindfolds and a gag that rarely gets used because he loves to hear you. He has a vibrator as well that he loves to use on you when you’re tied to the bed.

U = Unfair (how much they like to tease)

Oh he loves it. He loves to tease you before you’re even in private, usually by tracing patterns against your back and muttering dirty into your ear or pulling you to his chest and complimenting you with that underlying intent and a dark look in his eye

When you get into bed, he’ll tease with almost touches that only just skim past your sweet spots and kisses up your thighs only to skip right over your pussy and travel up your stomach.

On occasion, when he uses a toy on you, he’ll build you up to the peak and then pull back totally until you can’t hold out any longer and every breath is a beg to let you cum

V = Volume (How loud they are, what sounds they make)

With his risky fucks, in hallways and other such places, he keeps his noise limited to growls or grunts since he doesn’t want to be caught that much

Alone, however, with no risk of being caught or heard, he doesn’t bother to hold anything back. He’s not loud, but he’s vocal. He’ll moan your name and praises and he has no shame with you.

W = Wild Card (Get a random headcanon for the character of your choice)

The two of you have been caught a few times in the car by Sherriff Stilinski. The first time, he let you both go with a warning and since then it’s just been increasingly exasperated encounters.  Thankfully, with his friendship with Chris and knowing how embarrassing it would be, he’s never formally charged you with anything. Yet

X = X-Ray (Let’s see what’s going on in those pants, picture or words)

Daddy is thicc. He’s got a big one, thick to the point that he has to be careful for the first few thrusts until he’s sure you’re open enough

Y = Yearning (How high is their sex drive?)

He wants you every day, in every way. And he can be so apparent with it, especially in the mornings. No matter how sleepy and foggy-minded he is, every morning he’ll press up against you and try to start the morning off right.

Z = ZZZ (… how quickly they fall asleep afterwards)

He stays awake until you’re asleep, long enough to make sure you’re safe and comfortable because his life has caused some paranoia and the last thing he will ever do is risk your safety

Requests are still open for more. Also tag lists; if you want me to tag you in my filth then please tell me, it will make me feel like a real human being

[hoewkeyesblue]

NSFW Alphabet — Klaus Hargreeves

Requested by two amazing anons.

A = Aftercare (What they’re like after sex)

Klaus is a cuddly bean, so afterwards he’ll hug and kiss you a lot. He likes to put his face on your neck and close his eyes, just enjoying your company and scent.

B = Body part (Their favourite body part of theirs and also their partner’s)

Klaus loves his hands; he likes how big they are and everything he can do with them - not talking specifically about sex but... this too.

He likes your arms — the way you wrap them around him to comfort him. Your arms feel like home to Klaus.

C = Cum (Anything to do with cum basically)

We know Klaus is a kinky bastard, but we also know he’s subby af, so... he likes to come in any place you allow him to do so; he’ll appreciate it on your mouth, face, breasts... or on his own body.

D = Dirty Secret (Pretty self explanatory, a dirty secret of theirs)

I can not see Klaus having a dirty secret. If he wants to talk about, do or try something new, he’ll totally go at it.

E = Experience (How experienced are they? Do they know what they’re doing?)

Klaus knows exactly what he’s doing. Nobody else could make you feel this good.

Klaus is a fucking god.

F = Fantasy (their favorite fantasy, role play, etc.)

He likes to be completely tied up, watching you teasing him as his master (or mistress, maybe king/queen). You always take him to the edge multiple times before finally saying you’ll take care of him.

G = Gag reflex (How do they feel about oral?)

Oof it’s his paradise. He gets a boner everytime he thinks about your mouth around his cock. Or his mouth sucking you until you have multiple orgasms.

H = Hair (How well groomed are they, does the carpet match the drapes, etc.)

He trims it.

I = Intimacy (How are they during the moment, romantic aspect…)

He’s the best. He’ll praise you in every fucking way; tell how beautiful and hot you are, how much he loves you and that you’re his fucking queen — or king, of course. 

J = Jack Off (Masturbation headcanon)

He does it when he has abstinence crisis and you’re not around. He tries to remember everything you make him feel and how every sensation is better than drugs.

K = Kink (One or more of their kinks)

A lot. Chocking, spanking, humiliation, praise, edge play, pegging, RACK, tickling and more.

L = Location (Favourite places to do the do)

When he’s in the mood, every place is a good place.

M = Motivation (What turns them on, gets them going)

You ordering him or you playing with his hands.

N = NO (Something they wouldn’t do, turn offs)

I don’t really know... But I don’t think he’s into Con-NonCon.

O = On Top (Are they a dominant or submissive, or do they switch)

SUBBY AF!

P = Pace (Are they fasts and rough? Slow and sensual? etc.)

Klaus doesn’t fit in “fast and rough” nor “slow and sensual”. Klaus has a unique pace.

Q = Quickie (Their opinions on quickies rather than proper sex, how often, etc.)

He prefers proper sex, with so much teasing and kinks being explored, thank you.

R = Risk (Are they game to experiment?)

YES. A thousand time yes.

T = Toy (Do they own toys? Do they use them? On a partner or themselves?)

Boy oh boy... he uses it. On you. And you use it on him.

U = Unfair (how much they like to tease)

A lot, since he knows you’ll punish him later.

V = Volume (How loud they are, what sounds they make)

Klaus is loud, most of times. As I said, he likes to praise you — and he moans and beg a lot too. Sometimes he’ll just groan and gasp on your neck.

W = Wild Card (Get a random headcanon for the character of your choice)

You’re his paradise in every way. Not just sexually, but as a partner. He can’t picture a life without you.

X = X-Ray (Let’s see what’s going on in those pants, picture or words)

Our boy is thick and long. That’s all I have to say.

Y = Yearning (How high is their sex drive?)

It’s normal. He’s not a teenager anymore, but he thinks about it a lot.

Z = ZZZ (… how quickly they fall asleep afterwards)

This is one of the things he likes about you; he has nightmares all the time, but when you’re around or after sex, he sleeps really fast — feeling safe in your arms.

———

Requests rules here.

[annashipper]

JT Anon

Ok so this is going to be a wildly unpopular opinion that you will wholeheartedly disagree w Anna, but here goes

I kinda hope they phase BC out of the MCU. Im not one of these fans that wants him to fail or to vanish forever or will never see another project until he leaves sophie (i don’t think thats ever going to happen). I just don’t think he fits w the MCU anymore and he is kinda, to me, a bummer stain on an otherwise fun experience.

The actors in the MCU are literally the only actors I’ve ever taken a mild interest in outside of their movie roles. Meaning i won’t immediately change the channel if they are on late night, or I might flip through a mag if they are in there, or im actually interested in their thoughts on their char.

The actors in the MCU, for the most part, are super engaging. They engage the fan base in  a really great way. Now granted, I get it, lots of that is coaching etc, I get that. However, the actors all engage w the material and the fanbase in a really great way. they have lovable personalities, they all seem humble and grateful and excited to be there. Even RDJ who plays on this kinda ego centric char he has is totally endearing and everyone gets it. They make the fan base feel like they are all a part of something, everyone is in it together, they genuinely want everyone to have a great time, they get how much these stories can mean to a lot of people.

Now im sure someone can pull up an anecdote here or there where MCU actors have not been their best selves, but for the most part, MCU actors make the fanbase feel loved and valued. MCU fans are not talked down to by them. Each actor has a unique and lovable personality that is engaging

BC sticks out like a sore thumb. He isn’t delivering DRS and MCU toys to hospitals, he doesn’t have social media, so he isn’t engaging w elements of the fanbase that does charity work. He doesn’t talk excitedly about DRS and MCU projects, he doesn’t comment on fan art and projects in a respectful way (ignoring the freakier ones). Now i know the dusted actors were not doing the rounds media wise, but still

Ben just comes off as someone who thinks he is above all that. All i see and think about when i think about BC and MCU fans is a guy who is just so sick of fans. Fans are all obsessed w him and won’t they go away. anyone who doesn’t worship him and dares to chat in a neg way about what he is putting out is a stalker, florals, they are all so tiring! poor, poor women who lost themselves when he married, your uteruses still have use w out him! he just seems like he doesn’t want to be there and is delusional about how much people care about him beyond gossip and riling each other up for fun

To me BC is in a totally different category from the other main MCU actors. BC is running around to the MET gala acting a fool, Ben is running around too busy trying to sell every single stitch of clothing on his body. ben is too busy branding and selling his family. ben is trying to wring every last red cent out of every move he makes.

And before anyone jumps down my throat w a long list of products MCU actors sell, I KNOW. its about the feel of it.

Ben these days comes off as a stuck up, toffy snob who doesn’t want to be there. Ben comes off as someone who has disdain for his fans, and while he def wants them to keep him and his wife in expensive vegan clothing and millionaire status, they need to just shut the fuck  up and hand over the cash. Ben comes off as someone who is entitled to fame and attention, but on his terms. Ben comes off as someone desperate to merch and brand himself. Ben comes off as someone waaaay more concerned at the moment w selling every single article of clothing he and his wife has, every single life event he can get a sponsor for.

His image is a bummer ink stain on the MCU. He is like the stuck up boring cousin at the fun family reunion who spends his whole time pouting on his phone. the only time he engages is when he is the absolute centre of attention, and he has to be making cash money off of it or he isn’t interested. he is like that one person at school who won’t shut up about how many haters they have and how jealous everyone is of them, and how he just wants to do him, meanwhile no one is actually thinking about him like that.

Think of any MCU actor and you can think of cute, funny, humble, joyful, REAL feeling fan engagement.

W BC you just get a grown ass man whining, pouting, doesn’t want to be there, would rather be selling shoes and shirts and hats

as a fan i have absolutely no interest in him as an MCU actor. I don’t want to sit there and have my eyes roll out of my head while he either sells me some product or makes some delusional comment about how obsessed, OBSESSED EVERYONE is w him and his family and WHY WON’T THEY JUST LEEEAAAVE HIM AND HIS WIIIFE ALONE (ps please buy these shoes, please buy sophies dress, please check out this vendor that sponsored our wedding, please look at the menu of the person making vegan food for us, please buy the pictures of our kids please please please)

he  has moved on from depressing to why don’t you just leave then? honestly?you would rather be throwing yourself all over a red carpet and selling clothing and jewellery and cars and vegan shoes  and talking about how hard it is to be you because youre so famous, then go do that. go do period piece after period piece in between selling washing machines. i might even see one.

BC is like getting together w your fav cousins and your mom say you have to take the annoying one along too, and he just ruins your day by complaining about being tired all the time and talking about all the expensive shit his dad in another state buys him

just let us check out fan theory and make memes and talk shit and watch interviews in peace. STFU about the stuff you have for sale. STFU about how obsessed everyone is. go to the met gala, go arrange paps for attention. just GO live the fame life you clearly think you have. let people enjoy MCU shit w out you popping in every few months to remind us that youre here too and SO SO FAMOUS

its getting to kinda ruin MCU shit to me. If i know BC will be involved, im not interested.

I just don’t want to hear him whine, and i don’t want to have another fucking thing sold to me, and thats all he’s got

J got sooooo many haters T anon

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Well, you’re right in one regard JT.  I wholeheartedly disagree with all of the above.  Not because I’m contrary and a SkeptoNanny (which of course I am), but because you’re wrong  :P

Ben didn’t do ANY promo for Endgame, so if we’re going to talk about him being a killjoy during promo for MCU projects, we have to revisit what he’s done during Doctor Strange and Infinity War promo.

And while, yes, he did make a faux pas (a pretty major one) with that incredibly stupid quote on his Vanity Fair cover interview where he thought it wise to casually mention his wife and child are not a PR stunt, other than that, his promo tour for Doctor Strange was pretty much the same as any other promo for a standalone superhero movie within the MCU.  

And then there was Infinity War promo, which was more about promoting the MCU than it was about promoting himself.  I would argue that he actually did a stellar job with that.  He even brought quite a bit of DorkyBatch out to play:

I mean...

So yeah.  If we’re going to have a serious conversation, we have to be very precise about the timing of what Ben says and does; especially when it comes to MCU promo.

Meanwhile, since you brought up charity projects linked to the MCU, let me remind you that Ben has been involved with those multiple times, through Omaze, and he even did it for Endgame (which he supposedly would have no part in and didn’t really have to do, because his character had already been dusted out of existence).

By the way, the shoes he’s selling are not always vegan.  Not the ones he wore to the MET Gala (LINK) anyway  :P

[vermontparnasse]

les miserables review - u.s. tour (hartford) 10/7/17

ok, here we go.  sorry this took so long but i have never been less enthused to write a les mis review..... i hate to say it guys but this was probably the worst collective cast i have ever seen.  half of them were playing the wrong role and almost none of them had any chemistry with one another... i realize it's still very early on in the tour and they didn't have a very long rehearsal period but that's no excuse for the national tour to come across as amateur community theatre, which is tragically what i felt like i was watching  for most of those two and a half hours.  i do have a couple of positive things to say and there were a few standout performances, but mostly..... yikes.

nick cartell as valjean: i guess he did the best he could given that he was very, very, very, very badly miscast.  when your valjean would probably be a better fit for marius, you know you've got a problem.  he was too young by at least fifteen years, and the way he sang the score was an insufferable series of riffs - he was basically ramin without the ego and without the shirt ripping.  he was just very badly out of his depth.  i was prepared to be kinder to him in the second act - his bring him home was quite good and he aged better than i'd thought he was going to - but then at the moment of valjean's death when he sang 'forgive me all my trespasses' he literally SPRANG out of the chair, like dying had rejuvenated him.  it was bad guys.

josh davis as javert: does hayden tee have a brother........... anyway, the way he was singing the score i think he was trying to emulate earl by making his notes precise and crisp, but everything just came out really staccato and it was not pleasant to listen to.  he also jutted out his jaw every time he wanted to look menacing which achieved a comedic disney villain effect, a la hayden.  stars was definitely the highlight - he sang and acted it much better than anything else... otherwise, it was just a mess.  he literally came across as drunk during his suicide - like he wasn't killing himself because of his inability to reconcile valjean's mercy with his personal view of the world, he was killing himself because he'd stayed at the bar too late and had one too many.  i have no idea what sort of journey he thought his character was on, but it just wasn't javert.

melissa mitchell as fantine: i'm sorry but this woman cannot act to save her life...... the way she carried herself was so modern, i don't know how to explain it but the way she moved was just so off and it was really distracting?  and her whole performance was just going through the motions, like "and still i dream he'll come to me... time to run to the left of the stage!" "life has killed the dream i dreamed.... time to glance over my shoulder dramatically!"  it was just all so artificial and inauthentic, you could practically see the stage directions in front of her eyes.  and don't get me started on the dying moment where she reaches her arm out and then collapses......... lord.  bad.

jillian butler as cosette: she was good!!  i mean... idk, i don't have a whole lot to say about her.  after seeing sam hill and alex finke in the role repeatedly, both of whom are absolutely superb, it's kinda hard to live up to that... jillian didn't take it to the next level or expand on their performances in any way - it was a very basic, pared down, 'hi i'm sweet and lonely' cosette, but there's nothing wrong with that?  she was solid and i have no complaints with her, but it wasn't a particularly memorable performance.

joshua grosso as marius: the best performance of the night, thank fuckin god!!!!!!!!  it has been so long since i have seen an adequate marius!!!!!!!!  i didn't agree with 100% of his choices (e.g., in AHFOL rather than singing "dear mademoiselle" he sort of squeaks it in a high pitched voice which is cute and appropriately awkward but i didn't totally connect w/ that decision because i love hearing that line sung) BUT he really understood the character and he didn't have too many moments like that of derailing the score.  i loved how awkward and genuine he was with cosette, and i loved how serious his reaction was to valjean's confession.  it was an all-around solid performance that was filled with the appropriate level of sincerity.  my biggest complaint is the mientus-esque crocodile tears after eponine's death, but i'm tentatively blaming that on direction.

phoenix best as eponine: she was terrible.  maybe she hadn't gotten any sleep the night before, because the whole time she looked like she'd rather be in bed.  dead eyes, no expression, dead on her feet, fake punches looking incredibly weak and stagey, having to be dragged around the stage by the other actors.  there was no fight to her, she was just resigned and dull.  her voice is tinny and not terribly pleasant to listen to, but i'd have forgiven that for a solid performance... which unfortunately we did not get.  though i WILL give her credit for on my own - there was some weird hammering or some shit going on backstage throughout that song but she pushed through admirably.  but otherwise, she was a pretty big disappointment.

matt shingledecker as enjolras: chelsea said after the show "enjolras was a literal frat boy, was he leading them to a revolution or to the club?" and i can't really beat that.  his enjolras basically was a rich young boy playing a game.

j. anthony crane as thenardier: he was rly fantastic!!!!  god after cliff saunders and whoever tf else we had to suffer through on bway, i would have welcomed just about anyone.... i mean, i have long ago reconciled myself to the fact that i will never see this character played the way i'd like to in an ideal world, because he's just become OTT comic relief, and j. anthony crane certainly has those OTT moments (notably in dog eats dog) BUT compared to the sort of nonsense that we are used to, it is such a toned down performance and there's actually a hint of something sinister lurking beneath the comedy.  i only hope he doesn't try to play up the laughs too much as the tour goes on.

allison guinn as mme. thenardier: meanwhile............ the most hammy performance i have EVER seen in this role.  it's a rare day that i just try to ignore mme. t and focus on thenardier when they're on stage together, but here we are.  god, she was insufferable, and she gave that kind of 'i'm so clever and above all of you' performance on top of the OTT humor that i absolutely loathe.

let's see, what else is there to say.

- 'give way, javert' is back after the sewers.  not sure why but i'm into it.

- SO MANY actors were singing on the beat...... i think the foreman was the worst offender ('YOU. PLAY. A. VIR. GIN. IN. THE. LIGHT. BUT. NEED. NO. UR. GING. IN. THE. NIGHT.') but it was honestly so many cast members and it was distracting af???

- but otherwise, a rly promising ensemble!!!!  i liked almost everyone who didn't have a main role lmao.  

- though they RLY need to work on their blocking....... again, i know it's early in the tour so i'm rly hoping this improves, but this production was just messy.  stage punches look fake, characters who are meant to interact at certain moments barely look at each other, just a lot of inauthentic movement that can only improve with more rehearsals.

- omg this is such a minor thing that i liked....... ok so you know how in the bway production they had fantine's first customer be the foreman?  i never saw any particular reason for that, but in this production when fantine is being offered to the foreman she has her back turned, and when she's handed to him she turns around and he sees her face and he laughs when he recognizes her, and the irony of the moment is so sad that i found myself rly moved by it.

- andrew love is a fuckin gift.  will someone make him principal javert already.

bottom line: what can i say....... i was mostly just rly let down.  of the nine main roles i mentioned here, i really enjoyed two (one of which was thenardier lmfao like who even cares about thenardier???), i didn’t mind one, and the rest were just bad.  that’s 2/3 of the main cast i thought were either playing the wrong role or had no business playing any role in les mis at all.  i can only hope they get stronger as a group as the tour goes on, because maybe if i’d felt more camaraderie between them the whole thing wouldn’t have left me so cold?  that was one of les mis bway’s strengths imo - the entire cast just worked so well together.  the tour cast did not.  unless i hear that they get better in upcoming months, i will not be making any more pilgrimages to see this cast.

[mj-spooks]

Could you tell us one of those 15 fantasies about werewolf lumberjacks?

Okay so I think that first off, it should be established that any and all fantasies I have, unless they are about a specific person or character, have my actual husband in the starring role, because I even write fanfiction about my own marriage, that’s how much of a fucking nerd I am. I explain this to paint a proper picture. He already looks like a guy who is totally secretly a werewolf so it’s extra true in this case. You may think he’s a little scrawny for a lumberjack, but that is because you haven’t seen him at his peak. He is still pretty jacked, but man, back before the accident he was J A C K E D.

I also explain this to emphasize that these are absolutely the dramatic, rambling fantasies you would expect from a happily married almost-thirty-year-old. Who read a lot of romance novels in her youth. So. If that’s not your cup of tea, w e l l l l l l l l-

I also also explain this so that certain friends know to skip over this to save themselves the horror.

Now then. Under the cut, obviously. For the record, I cut this off after a bit because I realized it was getting… uh… long. My fantasies are long and intricate, okay. They require backstory. Of which there is a fair amount. I could honestly probably write an actual novel with this.

I am a successful ceramic artist, who is able to sustain myself through my art and teaching classes. I came into some extra money recently and decided to use that money to buy myself a lakehouse, out away from people, where I could go on weekends/during Summers and focus on my art. I have a boat.

Foolishly, I decide to go out on my boat at night. The moon is full, it’s providing plenty of light, it’s beautiful. It’s inspirational. I am already envisioning the new projects I will begin the next morning as a result of this trip. I think I’m fine. But I can’t see properly, and I crash my boat into something. I start to panic; I’m a good swimmer, but I’m very far out from the shore, and I’m not sure I have the energy to make it all the way back. I scream for help.

Just as my boat is sinking fully into the water, I hear something coming towards me in the water. I’m not sure what to make of this, it’s pretty large and moving weirdly fast. I’m panicked, so I scream. I assume it’s some animal, coming to eat me.

I’m not entirely wrong.

I try to swim away, but the panic has sapped my energy and before long I’m faltering. I see that my capture is inevitable. I stop swimming.

The thing in the water catches up to me. I feel arms encircle me, strong and unnaturally hairy. I’m not processing correctly. I wonder if this is some sort of hallucination brought on by my panic and impending demise.

The thing holding me begins to swim.

As we reach shallow water, I distantly feel it get its legs out from under us, and it rises out of the water to carry me to shore. I look at it. It’s a man, but not. Its face is lupine, and the arms are as hairy as I thought they felt in the water. A distant part of my mind is confused, shocked, but the active, tired part is just the John Mulaney “This might as well happen” meme. I pass out.

When I awaken, it is to the smell of coffee, eggs, and bacon. There is light streaming through a window. I am in an unfamiliar bed. It is comfortable, except I am a little cold, despite being cocooned in the blankets. I am naked.

Groggy, and a little afraid, I try to piece together the events of the night before. I realize that what happened the night before sounds impossible. I assume that someone else, foolishly out in a boat after dark, must have heard me screaming and come to my rescue. My memory insists that the thing that rescued me swam from under the water, not above it, but that’s ridiculous, right?

“Oh, good, you’re awake,” a voice says. I look up to see a scruffy, handsome man in the doorway. Suddenly my nudity is alarming. He must see me panic, the way my eyes dart to my form below the blanket, because he says, “I just, uh. Cut them off. I didn’t look. I didn’t want you to get sick. They were pretty soaked.”

I realize I have seen the man before, at the small shop nearby that’s the closest you get to a proper grocery store for miles. I have admired him. He’s exactly my type, and has a kind, open face. I’ve never heard his voice before. It’s as lovely as the rest of him. Somehow, I find myself believing him. He feels honest.

“There’s breakfast. If you’re hungry. I assume you are, considering…”

He trails off, looking a little uncomfortable. It’s obvious he doesn’t know how to handle this situation.

“Breakfast sounds nice,” I say. “But, uh…” I gesture to myself. I can feel my face heat. He says he didn’t look, but still. It’s the principle of the thing.

“Oh, right, uh. I have spare shirts in the dresser there,” he says, pointing. “You can borrow one. Uh. Might have some sweats that fit you, too. Maybe.” He frowns a little. Looking at him, I am not sure if I think this claim is ridiculous, or reasonable. He’s not a particularly large man, but I’m a very tiny woman.

“I’ll find something, I’m sure,” I tell him, trying to school my expression into something reassuring. Regardless of what else happened, it’s obvious he saved my life the night before. I’m grateful.

“Right. Uh, help yourself. I’ll make you a plate.” He starts to leave, pauses, then asks, “Milk, coffee, or orange juice?”

“Coffee sounds great,” I say, and he nods. He leaves. I stand up from the bed, taking the blankets with me. I go to his drawers, open one. The clothes are shoved, rather haphazardly, into them. There are a lot of t-shirts. I open another drawer, this one filled with flannels.

I like flannel.

I take a blue one, and juggle the blanket to slip it on under it. Once it’s buttoned, I let the blanket drop to the floor. Then I go looking for these sweats. I find a pair with a drawstring. The legs are comically long on me, and the waist bunches ridiculously, but they stay up.

I go to have breakfast. I have questions. Hopefully, my host will be willing to give me answers.

[ntshastark]

I SAW JUSTICE LEAGUE!!!!!!!!!!!

I thought I wasn’t even gonna post anything about the movie but then I wrote a fucking essay??

LOTS OF SPOILERS UNDER THE CUT

GOOD SHIT

SUPERMAN WAS AMAZING!!!! FINALLY!!!!!! THAT’S HIM, THAT’S MY SON!!!!

 And like, fuck J*ss Wh*don, but I gotta hand it to him that his Supes - and we know it was him bc CGIed mustache - is way better than S.nyder’s (and I didn’t hate his Clark or anything, but this is definitely an improvement)

Him cracking jokes with Victor when they try to separate the unity (WHEN THEY START LAUGHING ABOUT HOW MUCH IN PAIN THEY ARE!!!! HEART EYES MOTHER FUCKER!!!!) and HIS SCENES WITH BARRY LIKE BINCH YES

AND WHEN HE GOT OUT OF THE FIGHT TO SAVE THE CIVILIANS!!!!!!!!! I ALMOST CRIED!!!!!!!!!!!!!! NOW THAT’S MY FUCKING SON!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

(And ofc there were some J.oss™ things that I didn’t like, like that “truth, justice” joke that felt a bit forced and kinda ruined his joining the battle. But, in general, it was the best Superman the DCEU has ever served)

And I hope they keep this on the future, especially when he’s Clark™, like. I get brooding Supes, even if it’s not my preference. People suck, we know. But Clark being goofy and sweet and funny and seeming like he couldn’t hurt a fly is his secret identity. If you’re not gonna show it you might as well not even give him the damn glasses.

And I didn’t find it weird him “suddenly cracking jokes”, like. He died. He came back. He's happy. Let my boy enjoy life.

(And his “I changed my mind. I wanna die.” joke oh my gOD I LOVE HIM)

AND THE PART WHERE HE JUST CAME BACK TO LIFE AND IS SHIRTLESS FOR LITERALLY NO REASON AT ALL AND IS CONFUSED AND FIGHTING EVERYONE AND KICKING EVERYONE’S ASSES!!!!!!!!!! BOI!!!!!!!!!!!

WHEN HIS EYE MOVES!!!!!!!!! AND BARRY’S FACE!!!!!!!!!! I WAS LAUGHING SO HARD MY BROTHER HAD TO TELL ME TO CALM DOWN

I’M A SUCKER FOR OVERPOWERED CHARACTERS KICKING ASS THAT’S EXACTLY M Y  S H I T

Ngl I wish it had lasted more bc holy fuck!!!!!!! If they had made Superman the villain of this movie I wouldn’t have complained a t  a l l and I usually hate evil Superman (bc it’s usually evil mastermind dictator which. no. gimme the Superman III I’m-confused-I-hate-everything-I’m-gonna-kick-ass-and-straighten-the-Tower-of-Pisa kind of evil Superman and I’m yours)

I loved Martha. Both her relationship with Lois (I loved how they remained close even after Clark’s death) and with Clark (even tho I’m upset they cut the “I’m taking this as a yes” scene). And, while I’m sad Lois didn’t have a bigger role outside of Clark (which is totally understandable in a movie with this many people), I’m glad they respected her grief. I’ve seen people complaining that they didn’t show badass reporter Lois Lane but uhhh the love of her life just died????? Let her process it on her own terms y’know? And it’s especially hard to focus on her work when they used to work together and everything about her workplace probably reminds her of Clark.

Bruce wasn’t as good as BvS (there were apparently a lot of reshots involving him and some jokes didn’t fit 100% with the character) but still really great. It amazes me how Ben Affleck can deliver such a great Bruce Wayne (by far the best ever in live-action, along with Gotham!Bruce) and still be someone the real Bruce would definitely have to hold himself back not to punch. As a person, I hope he really is leaving the DCEU. As a Bruce fan I’m I hate you don’t leave me dot mp3. Please start drinking your respect women juice. ETA: I came across this article while writing this and now I’m even more pissed, which one of y’all wished on a monkey’s paw for a good Bruce on the big screen????

Anyway.

THAT FIRST BATMAN SCENE IN GOTHAM THO HOLY FUCK I FELT LIKE I WAS WATCHING A COMIC BOOK

THE CINNAMON TOPOGRAPHY

Also, remember the scene when Superman comes back and starts fighting 4/6 of the JL but Batman only arrives 3 years later?

Beautiful.

And I’m gonna talk about W*nderbat on the “bad shit” part, but the person who said “It’s hard to tell whether Bruce has a crush on Diana… or Clark.” is so spot-on like holy fuck “GET OVER UR DEAD BOYFRIEND” “NO U GET OVER UR DEAD BOYFRIEND” “NO U GET

And when Clark says “I didn’t know you liked me that much” and Bruce starts fucking stuttering trying to say “I don’t not like you” like we get you’re a 4th grader with a crush.

Btw the “good” part about the W*nderbat is that, while unnecessary, they can easily ignore it later. Diana is still pretty much in love with Steve and Bruce just has a mild crush, which is completely understandable lmao. And I’ve had plenty of friends that in the beginning I’d go for it but now I see them as brothers.

After Wonder Woman, seeing Diana in the hands of men again felt really disappointing - and I’ll definitely talk more about this later - but I did like her character development. It connected WW and BvS, explaining how WW ended on such a positive note but then she spent all those years alone - because she was afraid to connect to mortals again after Steve - and in hiding - because she didn’t want to be a leader or an inspiration and be the cause of people risking their lives - which felt really reasonable and if I didn’t knew WB I’d even think that’s how they planned all along. And then she obviously connects to people, starting in BvS, and on JL she takes a position of leadership (”follow my lead”) and starts being open to inspire people (talking to the kids in the end)

Also she ofc had some pretty badass action moments but my favorite was when she casually drops that she totally knew Victor was by the lake like bINCH!!! A!!!!! WOMAN!!!!!!

I don’t know much about Aquaman but I LOVED HIM IN THE MOVIE!!!!! Especially at the beginning, before he joins the team, so his solo movie is probably gonna be really fucking good.

I didn’t think him joking around with the team felt weird tho, it just felt like he was having fun. Also I loved the lasso scene omg (tho I don’t remember much of what he said bc I was talking to my brother about how weird the sudden “therapy session” was). It reminded me of that scene in the comics when Hal accidentally tangles himself in the lasso and starts talking about how he only does things to show off and Bruce cracks up in the middle of the battle, or something like that. 

AND I HAVE TO MENTION THE SCENE WHERE HE’S DRINKING A BEER AND WALKING TOWARDS THE OCEAN WHILE BADASS MUSIC PLAYS IN THE BACKGROUND HOLY FUCK!!!!!!!!!!!!

ALSO!!!! MERA!!!!!!! SHE WAS SO AMAZING I NEED SO MUCH MORE @ AQUAMAN MOVIE WHERE U AT

And (for me at least, idk much about the comics so) from the trailers it seemed like Arthur was already king and Mera was already his wife but we actually get to see him coming back to Atlantis and their first meeting!!! (But ngl it was pretty underwhelming :/ It lasted like 5 seconds. More on this later)

Cyborg was really great!!!! I was already expecting to like him bc I loved him in the Teen Titans cartoon, but he was so different than there and I still loved him!!!!! And I actually remember that on the origins episode of TT he was pretty much like in the JL movie. And what made him start accepting himself and eventually become who we see in most episodes was joining the team so!!!! We’ll probably see that Cyborg eventually!!!!!!!!! My son!!!!!!!!!!!

Upset we didn’t get to see the flashback scenes tho. I hope his movie really does happens to make up for it.

THAT SOFT BOOYAH IN THE END THO!!!!!!!!!!!!! I DIED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I also loved that he was (physically) changing in the end and he’s probably gonna look more smooth the next time we see him (and can we please change Flash’s power ranger costume too? Thx)

AND BARRY WAS SO CUTE I LOVE HIM HE’S MY SON NOW

Like, I’ve never read DC comics so I always see people saying he seems more like Wally than Barry but I can’t say anything on this, all I know is I love him.

Also!!!! I love that they made Barry jewish!!!!!! Comics (especially superhero comics) have such a huge jewish heritage, which is not always respected (especially not lately) so it was really nice! (Also shout-out to when Gal says Kal-El bc her first language is hebrew so I guess that’s the correct pronounce)

Overall, the League characters and their interactions were definitely the strong point in the movie. And that’s always what I prioritize on a team-up movie, so!!!!

BAD SHIT

The movie had two big problems, imo

1. Lack of planning/organization (and a big unplanned change)

First I wanna get out of the way that this whole two-directors thing didn’t really work out. Like, it gave me a great Superman (thx W.hedon) in a movie that doesn’t makes me want to kill the director and then myself (thx S.nyder), but it seems like that was the only plus. It felt too stitched together, the tone kept shifting, idk. Their styles are too different to just add one and then the other and expect things to work out. Maybe if they’d worked together since the begging it could’ve balanced out great (tho it definitely wouldn’t have helped on Problem 2) but that wasn’t the case.

And now the real problem here: The plot really let me down. Like, it’s the first Justice League live-action movie. THE JUSTICE LEAGUE!!!!!!!!!!! And yet, the movie felt underwhelming.

It has a lot of the same problems as Suicide Squad. They tried to introduce a bunch of characters, form a team and go against a villain in 2 hours, it just doesn’t work. Especially when your villain is a Fourth World character like??? Whose fucken idea was this????

If it had been a longer movie, or even a two-parter, where in the first one they form the league and in the second one they fight the villain, it would’ve been AMAZING!! Apparently, the original cut was 3 hours-long, and that was before they even brought in W.hedon, who shot a lot more scenes. And I want so bad to see the original cut (@ WB JUST DO IT), because there were a lot of scenes that didn’t make it (as you can see here and here - and those are not even all of them, I mean, Iris was supposed to be in the movie and everything???), which is also something that happened with SS. Warner Bros keeps ruining great movies by trying to make them short.

And, because of that, a lot of scenes didn’t feel organic, felt like they were just happening to get something out of the way bc it was necessary to the plot. Like the Atlantis scene I mentioned above. It was the first time Arthur came back and he just waltzed in, had his ass kicked by Steppenwolf, talked to Mera, who was apparently in charge, she said “lol that’s ur problem now” and he went back up. Him coming back seemed like such an unimportant thing that I only realized he wasn’t already living there, ruling king and Mera’s husband when she started the prodigal son speech.

Also, the evil Superman bit. A lot of people thought this was gonna be the second biggest thing in the movie, after the main villain and then??? It lasted 5 minutes???? Like, don’t get me wrong, I loved the ressureaction and evil supes scenes SO MUCH, I was fucking DYING on that movie theather, but his whole ressurection felt like such a mindless retcon??? Like, “Oh, damn, we gotta bring Superman back. Throw in a bit with, idk, the mother boxes and some Frankenstein shit. Also make him beat up the League bc it’s cool. But not for too long bc we only have two hours, so just make him come back to normal after seeing Lois.” binch that’s a fix-it fic. And a bad one at that. His resurrection was as rushed as his death and in the end it seemed like none of them had any real impact. The DCEU keeps telling me Superman’s death was a big deal, but failed to emotionally build it up by making people y’know. LIKE HIM. So all those monuments and despair and lack of hope in the world feel fake.

And the villain plot ALSO took a backseat. The whole movie is in the backseat. S.nyder is passed out in the passenger seat and Wh*don is gonna crash the car on purpose because he thinks the airbag feels like boobs. They didn’t explore the New Gods mythos enough, Steppenwolf’s defeat with the frozen axe felt weird, everything went too fast, dropped Darkseid’s name and then used the 2nd post-credits scene to announce that fuck New Gods, now we’re doing Injustice League?????

This movie felt like they dug a Superman-is-dead-Steppenwolf-is-coming-shaped hole in BvS, changed their minds and chose the fucking FIRST LIVE-ACTION JUSTICE LEAGUE MOVIE to get them out of there! WB keeps biting more than they can chew, trying to do everything at once to keep up with the almost-a-decade-old MCU in one or two 2-hours movies, then getting surprised it doesn’t work out and completely changing the direction. And this isn’t me praising the MCU, fuck them, this is me saying WB should act like the MCU doesn’t exist and do it’s own thing! And hiring the dude that did the first two Avengers movies is the exact opposite of it!!!! And if you’re not gonna ignore the MCU than at least take lessons from what worked in it, like how they structured Phase 1.

I was ok with BvS being confusing to non-comics readers because I thought they were just showing stuff that were going to be explained later and everything was planned ahead. But then Justice League proved me completely wrong. Like, are they ever gonna explain what the fuck was Knightmare or???? The lack of planning regarding the DCEU as a whole is starting to affect the individual movies, and this isn’t good. There’s a Nightwing and a Batgirl movies in the works and yet there was not a single line in JL to explain why Bruce didn’t think of calling the batkids about the possible end of the world, even though one of the directors in JL is (unfortunately) the fucking director of Batgirl!!!! I swear I would’ve be ok with Alfred going “Don’t you think we should call them?” and Bruce saying “If we tell them about this, they’ll want to do something about it. And this is too dangerous.” with no explanation for the scene!!!! It literally takes 10 seconds!!!!! It could’ve been there instead of Diana wearing that weird-ass cape that appeared out of nowhere and playing nurse to Bruce!!!! It could’ve been there instead of Barry fucking falling with his face on Diana’s boobs!!!!! I can’t believe I had to go through this shit again!!!!!!! Fuck you Wh*don!!!!!!!!

EDIT: I JUST REWATCHED ONE OF THE TRAILERS AND THEY FUCKING TOOK OFF THE "AGAIN" AFTER THE "IT'S GOOD TO SEE YOU PLAYING WELL WITH OTHERS" IN THE MOVIE!!!!!!!!! I THOUGHT I WAS MISREMEMBERING THE TRAILER BUT NO, IT WAS THERE!!!!!!!! @ WB WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO WITH MY BATFAM

They’re putting too much stuff for the general public to follow and letting out stuff that comics fans will know it’s missing/not following with stories that comics fans will know aren’t finished. And if they don’t take care of this already, it’s gonna blow up on their faces. And on mine, because I fucking love those movies. Which is why I wanna see them achieve their full potential.

Like, they could’ve made a two-parter, with part one being Bruce and Diana putting the League together (and this takes way longer, especially on the individual characters’ arcs) because they know Evil Is Coming™ (And why is it? Not because Earth suddenly feels hopeless without the dude that flew around for like. two weeks and who half of them were scared of. But because there was an alien invasion that almost destroyed the world. Then a weird monster killed the seemingly-indestructible alien. Then some weird girl destroyed a whole city and transformed a bunch of people into rocks. Everyone is scared. And what are parademons attracted by?). Diana tells them about the mother boxes, they realize Victor has one, Bruce comes up with the plan to ressurect Clark, probably does it alone. Clark comes back but he’s confused, he’s overwhelmed, he’s angry, and he has the power of a god. But now Bruce doesn’t want to kill him, doesn’t want to see him die again. The League fighting against him doesn’t actually takes that much longer than it did in the actual movie, just the length of your usual final battle, Lois is still the ultimate reason why he comes back to his senses, but it takes longer. And then only in the second movie Steppenwolf actually arrives and they actually have the time to properly explore the Fourth World stuff without having to spend half the movie putting the team together.

Edit: If this article is right I’m gonna fucking kill everyone at WB and then myself

2. Sexism

This video says most of it better than I can.

(Disclaimers: I don’t agree with the Cyborg part - ”it’s a date” is a known expression and I definitely didn’t see this “vibe” she mentions.

I loved Diana’s civilian’s clothes and imo saying it’s bad that she’s wearing a low-cut shirt is a bit slut-shaming. And Gal doesn’t even have really big breasts, as fanboys all over the world insist on reminding us, so it doesn’t even look that much revealing, I certainly didn’t notice it while watching. And I say that because I have big boobs and there’s certain things my friends with small ones use that would look a lot revealing on me, but on them looks elegant. Also I only remember one butt shot - which is already one too many, when she was going to meet Victor and wearing pants. In any other butt shots, everyone was being filmed from that angle - but she stood out bc she wears that ridiculous miniskirt that is everything but armor. Edit: I’ve seen a picture of another one - also in civvies - and apparently there was a third one too.

She says that a lot of the things that happened to Diana are Gal’s fault and that she’s gonna talk about it later and then never mentions it again, so I’m still blaming the dudes.)

Also Diana seemed very underpowered??? Like, Clark was kicking hers, Arthur’s and Victor’s asses at same time???? And idk about Victor, but I’ve seen panels of both Diana and Arthur kicking his ass solo so...... (And I‘ve seen people saying it’s bc she didn’t want to hurt him but like. Diana’s whole fighting style is supposed to be based on “Don’t kill if you can wound, don’t wound if you can subdue, don’t subdue if you can pacify” so??? Like, he definitely wasn’t getting pacified, time to try subdue and all). And not just this scene, idk, maybe it’s just bc the last movie with her I watched was WW. And the one before that. And the one before that. And the one before that...

Also I just wanna say that I’m pissed this movie is reminding me too much of AoU. They shoved the only female character on the team in a random relationship that wasn’t even canon in the comics (even if W*nderbat has a lot more basis in both the comics and the DCEU than Br*cenat) because god forbid a woman ever be single. And also had a guy fall face-fist on her boobs because why fucking not, right??? Also “I’m always picking up after you boys” vs “Children. I work with children.” as the faux-feminism bow wrapping up the box of misogyny. Plus, y’know the thing in the video I linked about Wh*don shooting the boob scene in JL with a body double? He did the same fucking thing with the Br*cenat kiss. And honest to god, shortly after Wh*don took over, I talked to a friend about how I was afraid he was gonna put W*nderbat in the movie, bc, after all, he took Br*cenat out of his fucking ass and managed to get it on the screen. I can even link you to the conversation. He’s that predictable.

And when I first got out of the cinema after AoU I loved it. I was all gushing about the character interactions bc ‘omg!!! they’re finally acting like a team!!! they’re friends!!!’ even if the plot was meh, and I’m so afraid of ending up hating this movie as much as I hate AoU.................

CONFUSING SHIT

THE GREEN LANTERN IN THE FLASHBACK!!!!!! WHY ISN’T THERE A GREEN LANTERN ON THIS SECTOR ANYMORE @ DCEU EXPLAIN

Diana can’t go back to Themyscira??? And why can’t the other Amazons leave??? If you leave you can’t come back anymore or something????

Atlanteans can’t talk underwater???

On the second end credits I thought the bald dude was actually Luthor, Sr. actually being alive, but I’ve since been informed that that was a random guy covering up Lex’s escape.

And this one is silly but DC is giving me conflicting information. Batcat is out there getting engaged in the comics and then you let Wh*don throw in a bunch of random W*nderbat scenes, no matter how mild, in the JL movie when Selina is supposed to exist in the DCEU, considering the GCS movie in the works........... Quit playing games with my heart........

And one thing worth mentioning that I wasn’t really confused about, but that I’m confused on how I feel about it: WAYNE MANOR BECOMING THE JL HEADQUARTERS HOLY FUCK?????? I’m not even still sure on how I feel about Wayne Manor being abandoned in the first place....... On one hand I want that house full of martial arts-trained kids with black hair and I want it now. But on the other I’m glad it’s at least not gonna be abandoned anymore. Also, what about the Watchtower???

FINAL CONSIDERATIONS

I wouldn’t say it’s a great movie. It’s an ok movie with a lot of great moments. And literally full with great characters. There were some poorly-timed (and occasionally just plain bad) jokes but tbh I was just glad they didn’t make up half the dialogue. The DCEU needs to get it’s shit together and WB needs to release S.nyder’s cut of this movie.