#and it makes me want to disconnect from it but then I think to myself

[stillarobyn]

I understand the intention behind this post and I don't disagree with it. I don't.

If you're writing a period piece or something with a certain dark tone, then yes, you absolutely want to keep to that, give your gruff sailor a mumbled line about not being like most other men, or your scattered workaholic scientist can say she never felt like she was missing out on anything by not having a partner while they save the world.

But do not limit the reach of fanfiction by expecting it to be held to the same standards.

Because we need both. Because the target audience for a lot of works that employ this are young, they're disconnected from community, and they're lost. They think they're broken or they don't fit or they are made wrong.

I, a millennial, didn't know about bisexuality until I read about it in fanfic somewhere around 2003 (I was 13). I didn't know any out gay or queer people growing up. It was still scandalous on tv, and my parents didn't have any problem with it, they just didn't talk about it. I can't imagine how isolating it would have felt if my parents prevented me from watching anything with gay characters or spoke negatively about them.

My first discovery of nonbinary identity was in a bandom fic I read in 2010 (I was 20, for those playing the home game). It was maybe two years after that that I began to talk with nonbinary/genderqueer/genderfluid people online. I knew a couple of binary trans people in college, and one in high school, but this was my first time meeting people who weren't a binary gender. In 2012! It took another two years for me, at this point a full-ass adult, to start describing myself that way.

All of this oversharing to say...my understanding of queer identity was not hand-held by anyone in my life, but boy I learned to accept these foreign ideas I saw in myself because I had a safe fictional environment to explore these concepts and terms.

I think it was 2014-2016 when fanfic spaces had a boom of "everyone is trans" AUs and headcanons, and they were often rose-tinted and a bit twee, but that's the point of them. I saw identities I had to look up, and when I asked in follow-up "okay, but what does a person who feels like that look/act like?" it was all crickets, except in fiction, and specifically fanfic.

"But the world is different now, not knowing is no excuse" NOPE. not with anti-lgbtqia legislation passing in the US, or in other hostile countries around the world (I'm from the US, my argument is US-centric based on my experience and knowledge, but by no means exclusionary of people in other countries), or even family situations or rural upbringing or any other circumstance that isolated young queer folk from other queer folk.

A popular live-service video game introduced a nonbinary character and I saw twitch chats full of people who were just confused and uneducated. Ignoring those who were hostile was easy, but the uninformed, especially the non-English-speakers and people who didn't come from Western cultures, were largely open to learning something they never had framework for. Made all the more frustrating in a game environment where the characters didn't make a habit of having these discussions on screen, but that's a different rant.

I don't know if OP intended this in reference to original media, or toward fic, but I saw a lot of established characters in the reblogs so I just want to address that. I'm a characterization first fic reader, so I get it. "Everyone is trans" fics aren't for me, but there's a space needed for them if someone needs to see Captain Kirk and Spock debating the application of terminology of human gender and sexuality in interplanetary cultural settings...now actually I kind of want that fic so I played myself.

Dragon Age Veilguard came under attack for daring to openly and forwardly use the term "nonbinary" in its fantasy world, as though something about the word is inherently incompatible with the fantasy genre? But the game was pretty clear in its goal to create a safe gaming space for marginalized folks when so often their experiences are erased, ignored, tokenized, or stereotyped. The narrative, therefore, had to be hostile to the unaccepting, educational for the ignorant, and validating to the vulnerable. Getting to play in a world where people are referred to as nonbinary (just like me) and where people use they/them pronouns (just like me) and where no one ridicules or attacks them specifically for this? It felt comfortable and safe and the world was ending in the game, but I felt a personal empowerment in my immersion.

More complex and nuanced discussions by characters about their queer identity add to the picture. It shouldn't be in every work because every author has their own angle and their own philosophy about it, but they have just as much a right to a seat at the table. You can have your fics where Tony Stark's sexuality is a smirk and a wink, and you can have your fics where he explains that he used to call himself bisexual but the world is bigger and weirder so he considers himself omnisexual now. And if you don't like that, scroll past it. The author didn't write it for you, but someone else needs to hear that.

Maybe this is just a personal vent that escaped containment, but I feel the need to remind some folks that some people need the LGBT center brochure version because they didn't get one in the mail. It's a tough time for everyone in this community, no need to make it tougher.

he would not fucking say that but it’s he would not fucking talk about his queer identity like he was reading out of a college campus lgbt center brochure

[theambitiouswoman]

I am someone with a desire to socialize/build relationships/network who has always had to deal with unprovoked envy, hidden animosity, general unprovoked mistreatment which has therefore made me withdraw and suppress a lot of my skills. I’ve experienced these things in social interactions and even interpersonal and familial relationships. while I can be self-assured, assertive and confident, I have a history of people-pleasing and I notice that this makes me more susceptible to the things I mentioned above. I have reflected on this and determined that most people have been intimidated by me/my talents but that the manner in which I go out of my way to appease people or just be graceful, kind, and soft-hearted in general or makes them feel comfortable enough to project that intimidation by disrespecting and attempting to belittle me.

I have dealt with people’s responses to me by embodying my masculine energy in order to self-protect (lots of anger). Do you have any advice or ideas for a consistent routine to help me truly begin assert boundaries, prioritize myself and not allow others to take me out of my true element (powerful, creative, self-confident) while also still dealing with said people? I have tried in the past but particularly in interpersonal relationship I fail, due to the way I carry extreme guilt for prioritizing myself and due to fear of abandonment.

I love this question, i've been dying to talk about this so thank you!!!

In my humble opinion, it seems like you are at a point where you have done work on yourself, are trying to improve and have learned how to become more aware of your surroundings. This is actually really great! My take away when I read it is that you are stuck in somewhat of what I like to call a limbo position.

And this is something that I didn't understand myself when I went through a lot of the same pain points you brought up.

Some of the main reasons you may be in this cycle is because, for one, you may be continuing in the same environment or meeting the same people in new bodies. Or you are handling the situations with new people the same way you did before. I think thats the point you were trying to make.

I just want to first say that you are not an intimidating woman. Get that out of your head because it sets a negative thought pattern and will subconsciously keep you in a loop where you are repeating cycles. You are only intimidating to the wrong people. You may be settling for less or selling yourself short in regards to your expectations with yourself or your self worth. I say this with love, obviously. It's probably not even something that you realize cause you really do seem to have amazing attributes. If you didn't, you wouldn't feel the way you do now.

However, I really suggest you stop trying to water yourself down to make others feel comfortable. Because that is really what its coming down to. You cant make a shoe thats a size smaller than you fit. Time to change your shoes because its obvious you have outgrown these environments and have not realized that you are capable of so much more. You are letting the guilt from this make you limit yourself and thats totally not fair for you.

Which leads me to your next paragraph.

The issue here seems to be the lack of emotional control. It is not what you say, but how you say it. And that occurs because we are not fully healed from whatever wounds, or not confident in ourselves. Either or, or both. You should be able to and can get to a place with yourself where you can assert yourself with a calm, straight forward tone and get the message across.

If fear of abandonment is your thing, you may be tying yourself worth to others. Maybe as a child, you experienced neglect, inconsistent care, or emotional disconnection that planted the seeds of your fear of abandonment. So you should maybe start by challenging the negative beliefs that stem from these experiences, such as “I’m not enough” or “People always leave me,” and replace them with affirmations like “I am worthy of love and connection.” Focus on self validation by meeting your own emotional needs, learning to comfort yourself during moments of insecurity. Express your needs and trust that doing so strengthens relationships rather than pushes people away. Change your perspective in the same way i referenced about you being intimidating, to abandonment as a natural part of life’s flow, so you recognize that it doesn’t reflect your worth. Work on your emotional independence by pursuing personal goals, doing activities you love and self love habits. This will help you build more confidence and resilience with interpersonal relationships so that when someone tries you, hurts you etc, you feel confident enough to be like, "yeah, you don't need to be in my life." vs being overwhelmed by emotion out of the fear of losing someone who is not treating you how you should be treated.

Hope this helped.

<3

[spiritedstars]

Seeing some of those comments on the fairyloot edition of tog gives me the ick so bad. this fandom can be so disgusting sometimes.

[cent-scratchnsniff]

Please don't hurt yourself

[rileys-battlecats]

do you ever look at other people's art and vibrate out of your skin from how much you love their work

[stunie]

it’s so easy to forget that you can literally write whatever you want

[lilworms]

so

[hollytree33]

I’m back!!

[girlthingdecay]

.

[camellia-thea]

initially this post had some commentary about interests right now. and then it turned into a ramble about personal healing in the tags. so the interest post is going separately.

[pepprs]

my depression is getting really really bad. like it’s been bad before but this is like… consistently really bad. like a long unending stretch for several weeks (and tbh months) now. to the point where no inoculation actually sticks (and im isolating myself from most of my inoculations anyway and feel unable to stop doing it even though i know it’s self destructive). im either helplessly unbearably miserable or numbing out on video games. i just don’t feel like it’s going to get better for me and i KNOW that is factually untrue but the feeling is louder than the knowledge and it’s just utterly immobilizing. ive been sinking in quicksand for 2 years.

[philsmeatylegss]

Me like 99% of the time: “Lol, yeah, I was super suicidal and severely mentally ill when I was 13/14. I was so cringe. Glad I’m better and can make light of the topic. What a wreck lol”

Me that 1% of the time: …I was suicidal when I was 14

[neverendingford]

.

[justinefrischmanngf]

i need to get over myself and learn the languages i want to learn if i want to learn them like i just need to do it if i want to learn them then i should go out and learn them and like . fuck whatever else any of it means . yes it IS embarrassing to learn a language like the ones i want to learn as an adult but who CARES and yes i KNOW my grandparents will never want to speak to me in those languages but who CARES if it's important to me it can be important to me anyway

[vignetted]

sometimes i think about an alternate world where i'm like. a sweet well-adjusted trans guy who goes to the queer cafe and drag shows and trivia nights and gets stick & pokes from my art school friends and drinks alcohol once or twice a month and takes my ritalin as intended and isn't snobby about young adult fiction and doesn't fuss about my macros and doesn't get so sickly that people worry about me. and most importantly isn't a caustic person with an unpleasant manner

[kurthorton-moving]

feeling very 🧍‍♂️ may not be around for a bit