#and it just. hurt. it hurt to be turning the pages of my concert folder

[leecherish]

.

[http-tokki]

Can I try something else?

~ Piercer! Dabi x fem!reader ~ tags/cw: piercer!dabi, best friend!dabi, not canon, dabi is just a bad boy with no quirks, piercing studio, nipple piercings, smut, explicit language ~ wc: 2.2k ~ "Get your tits out for the lads"

“Okay, so you want… your nipples pierced?” confusion laces Dabi’s every word.

You nod, hands gripping the flimsy disposable sheet placed over the piercing bed.

“By me?” Dabi looks down at the consent form, flipping back and forth between the two pages. There isn’t any new information on the papers, he knew your age, birth date, and address. Hell, he was there when you got your new ID so why was he focusing on the stupid clipboard in front of him?

He frowns at the forms and purses his lips in deliberation. His eyes flick up to you, glancing over your face and down to your chest for a brief second before darting back to the files. It's weird. You think. The two of you had been friends for far too long to have this not be weird. Too many years had passed and your spot in the ‘basically my sister’ territory had been established and by you asking him to see your shirtless, well… it was incest-y.

“If it’s gonna be weird, don’t worry about-“ you start, pushing yourself off the bed.

“It's not, I just-“ Dabi cuts you off with a sigh, throwing the plastic folder onto the couch in the corner of his small studio. “It’s gonna hurt, y’know?”

You stare at him with faux disbelief. “Wow, Touya I had no idea it would hurt.”

Dabi shoots you a withering stare and takes a moment to roll over to his equipment trolley and grab the coffee you had bought him. Oat Cappuccino with one sugar and extra foam.

It been your turn to buy the coffee this morning.

Handing over your card for payment while Dabi hung off your arm, attention on the cake case beside the till.

“Cake?” he piped, nodding his chin in the direction of a burnt basque matcha cheesecake. Touya looked up at you with an exaggerated pout and his best attempt at puppy dog eyes as you turned your attention back to him.

“ehh…” You hummed, looking back to the case to check out the price. $28 a slice! Shifting back to the man-child hanging off your arm, you grimaced and gave him a disgruntled no.

Dabi let go of your arm, lips set in a frown and slumped towards the pick-up bay. Any other day you would have bought the two of you some cake to share but after having just paid rent and school fees, your bank account was looking a little too sad to justify a nearly $30 slice of cake. You explained that to your friend as you slid up next to him, knocking your knee against his to grab his attention from his phone. Dabi nodded, understanding just how expensive life was at the moment and changed the subject to the new tattoo he was getting from a visiting artist next week. He showed you the portfolio of the South Korean artist, quickly glossing over the insane amount of money he had paid for a simple deposit and before you could berate him for the inordinate amount of money he was about to drop, your order was called.

“Oat cap with one sugar?” the barista called out, sliding the drink to the centre of the bar. A smile graced his face upon seeing you moving forward to grab the coffee. “Extra foam?” Before you could get halfway across the divide, Dabi was already at the counter collecting his order with an unusual amount of grace.

You watched as the poor barista’s smile fell as he realised the heart and smile he had drawn on the lid was not for your coffee but your male companion’s.

“Thanks, man.” Dabi teased as he sipped at the sweet drink. 

Shuffling forward you grabbed the cold brew that was silently being slid over the black benchtop. You offered a quick thanks to him and his team and followed Dabi out the door. Touya’s outstretched hand beckoned you from in front, a gesture usually reserved for crowded bars and concerts, but you weren’t about to say no to holding his hand, so you slipped your fingers through his and followed his stride with quick steps.

---

“Are you sure you don’t want someone else to do it?” his voice is soft as he looks up at you from under thick lashes.

You melt at the softness of his tone.

“I think ..” you pause, thinking of how to frame your answer to not sound as disappointed as you were starting to feel. “I kinda wanted you to do it 'cause you’re gentle with everything but it’s okay, I’ll get Shiggy to do it.” Part of your answer was the truth. Dabi was gentle with the needle. Having done all your piercings thus far you knew his hands well and you liked to think he knew your body just the same but maybe this was a step too far.

“No,” Dabi interjects. “I’ll do it.”

You blink at his sudden willingness.

“Ohh, umm.. okay” you try to tamp down the excitement. “Where do you- I..”

Dabi nods towards the bed and instructs. “Back up.”

A giggle makes it past your lips despite your brain's warning to keep it casual. You attempt to cover it with a cough but from the smirk forming on Dabi’s face you know he caught it. There is a brief moment after you have sat back on the bed where a tense silence falls over the small studio. Suddenly very conscious of your breathing, you adjust it so it's deep and fulfilling so you don’t pass out the second he touches you.

The crush you had on your best friend had long since taken over you. Developing past a small infatuation with him and into a full-blown ‘I love you more than anything in the entire world please love me back’ kind of love that had you breaking every rule you had ever set for yourself.

Never date a friend. Never let a friend see you naked. Never fuck a friend. Never accidentally moan out a friend’s name when having ‘self-care’ time. Never think about said friend turning ‘self-care’ time. Never… the list went on and on and you had broken every single rule in that book. Well, all but three, but you were so close to breaking another one that you could almost feel his hands on you.

“You okay?” Dabi asks. “Your face is all red, do you need water?”

More heat fills your cheeks. “it's really warm in here.” You lie.

Dabi raises an eyebrow at you, not entirely believing your fib but lets it go as he pulls out gloves from the cardboard box.

“Alright, let’s do it.” He snaps the latex against his wrist. “Get your tits out for the lads.”

--

Ten minutes later you are still sat before Dabi, shirtless and unpierced and blushing every shade of red imaginable as he stares intently at your chest.

You had initially shied away from his gaze after taking off your shirt and bra, tossing them on the spare chair where he kept his jacket and belongings. The image of your undergarments mixed with his flashed across your mind briefly, but the scrap of metal wheels along wooden floors pulled you back to the present. You had crossed your arms over your chest, hiding yourself from your friend as he made his way towards the bed.

“I need to see them before I pierce them” Dabi sighed, pulling at your wrists away from your chest and to your sides. Pink filled his cheeks as he released your hands and grabbed at your hips, pulling you closer to the edge of the bed.

Dabi had hemmed and hawed for a while, tilting his head from side to side assessing your breasts all without touching you, until he shook his head and pulled back.

“Sorry, Angel. Can’t do it.” He frowns, hands coming to rest next to yours on the bed. “You don’t have enough tissue”

“Huh? Enough tissue?” you look down at your bare breasts. “Like in my nipple or my boobs because if you’re commenting on the size of them, that’s-”

“No that’s not- Shut up,” he rolls his eyes and sighs. “Look, I’ll show ya” and before you can get a word in, Dabi lifts his shirt to reveal his own pierced nipples.

You’ve seen Dabi shirtless before, way too many times to count but you’ve never been shirtless at the same time. Dabi’s gloved hands reach up and flick the pierced. “See? How much tissue there is?” you watch as the tissue hardens, but you still don’t get it.

You look back down at your chest. “I don’t see a difference.”

“Well, flick your nipple, and I’ll show you.”

“You flick it” The words fly from your mouth before you can stop them.

“You’ve got two hands,” Dabi retorts, dropping his shirt. Your face falls at the blatant rejection.

Ouch.

Breathing in, you scramble to gather your expression and rearrange it.

But like always, Dabi notices and quickly adds. “I don’t want to hurt you.”

“But you would’ve shoved a needle through it?” You’re reaching for your shirt and bra.

Cheeks now heating in a different form of embarrassment. There’s a moment of silence before Dabi sighs.

“Fine, come here,” there is the sound of the chair wheels scraping on the floor then he is in front of you. “Open,” he instructs, hands resting on your knees.

You follow the commands, slipping your legs open wide enough to fit his frame. His hand leave your knees and come up to rest against your ribs, tapping against the skin and bone.

.“Hey, watch,” tone commanding once again. “I’m doing this for you.”

You nod and look down.

Swallowing the lump that formed in your throat, you turn your attention back to him. Time slows as a hand leaves your ribs and ghosts up your torso, stopping just below the curve of your breast. Your stomach flips and heat floods your core.

Dabi stops and looks up at you with questioning eyes. “Can I try something else?”

You have no idea where he is going with this, but you nod giving him complete control over the situation.

There is a beat of stillness, all air leaving your body as you wait for what comes next. For all you know, he could slap you in the tit and walk away but what he does is a million times better than you could have ever imagined. With one hand he cups your right breast, the other splaying across your back to hold you close and pulls your breast into his mouth.

A gasp rips through you as his lips wrap around your nipple, teeth scraping over the nerve endings sending heat to every inch of your body. Dabi looks up at the sound you make, blue eyes blazing as his tongue swirls over the sensitive tissue. The hand on your back reaches up and tangles in the hair at the nape of your neck and before you can register that is happening, he is standing up and kissing you. Mouth on yours and holding you close; you fall into his touch. Melting in his fingers at the pull of your hair, you whine and let your mouth fall open. Dabi’s tongue traces your bottom lip before sliding into your mouth, the taste of coffee filling your mouth.

You pull back, spit connecting your mouths as you gasp for breath. Dabi pulls back on your hair, tilting your face to his as he smiles down at you.

“Is this why you wanted me to pierce you?” one of his hands starts to drift down the button of your jeans. “You were really about to pay me to do this?”

You nod.

“You could have just asked me, angel. I would have fucked you for free if you wanted.” He croons, pressing a soft kiss to your nose.

“Now imagine if i had gotten Shiggy to do this instead.” you tease, hands reaching up for his belt.

Dabi frowns, “I don’t even want to think about that.”

You make quick work of the belt and subsequent buttons, reaching in and wrapping your fingers around his clothed cock. Dabi chokes as you start to stroke him through his boxers, his hands shaking as he reaches into your jeans, He smiles at the amount of slick that has collected in the lace, swiping his fingers over your cunt before pressing down on your clit. His name is a keen cry on your tongue as he dips a finger in you, pushing in to the knuckle before curling up against that spongey part of you that made you weak.

“Ohh before I forget” he shakes his head as if to clear the thoughts of bending you over the bed out of his mind. “I really like you and I want to do this again sometime but in a bed and maybe after a date?”

You stare up at your best friend, completely dumbfounded at how cute he looked asking you out on a date as if he didn’t have his fingers down your pants.

“Yes, I want to go on a date, please. So many dates.” You start to ramble but are cut off by Dabi’s mouth on yours. 

.“But I’m gonna fuck you here right now, is that okay?”

~ a/n: this is just a rework of a old fic, updated and edited. version 2.0

[blu-joons]

BTS Reaction: He Finds Out Another Member Used To Be Your Bias

Jin:

His smile grew when he found your old notepad in your bedroom at home, it was one of the old BTS books from their debut, yet as he turned the first page, he saw Hobi’s name written in the middle, with a heart around it.

“So, you used to like Hobi then?”

Your eyes widened when you saw what he found, snatching it from him, “I wouldn’t say I liked him, but he was my favourite at the start, I loved watching him dance on the stage.”

“I was the best dancer,” he argued, watching as your eyes rolled at him, “am I your favourite now, or do you still wish I were Hobi?”

You smirked across at him, “you know that you’re my favourite, Hobi was just a phase, I wanted to be a dancer just like he was, but now I want to be just like you.”

“You want to dance like me?” He teased, wrapping his arms around you, “can we please take this notebook to the studio next time we go.”

“Absolutely no way, the boys cannot find out about this,” you warned, snatching it from him, “they won’t ever let me forget about it.”

“I won’t let you forget.”

Yoongi:

He frowned as he read through some of your old tweets that the fans had found and sent him, they were from a good couple of years ago, bringing a smile to his face, turning to face you with a big grin on his face.

“Did you always thank Kookie was fit?”

You looked across at him in confusion, taking the phone that he handed across to you, reading through the tweets. “How did you manage to find them? They’re so old.”

“Fans sent then,” he chuckled, “I always knew you and Jungkook got on, but now I know why you look him so much, clearly it’s his good looks and sweet smile.

Your eyes rolled, cringing as he spoke, “please don’t read them out, you know that they were never intended for now, I never thought I’d date one of you guys.”

“It must hurt that I’m not Jungkook,” he continued to tease, watching your head shake as you tried to comfort him. “Stuck with Yoongi instead.”

“You know that’s not true, I’m with you because you’re much fitter than Jungkook, and your gummy smile is always my favourite smile.”

“If you say so jagi.”

Hoseok:

As soon as you showed him the old box of BTS merch you had from concerts, his eyes landed on the old plush you owned from the BT21 collection, Hobi picked it up, throwing it in the air to capture your attention.

“Let me guess who was your favourite?”

Your head shook, “all the Mang toys had sold out so I had to buy a Chimmy instead, if a Mang was there to buy, I would have got it straight away, because you’re my favourite.”

“So, it’s not that you used to prefer Jimin?” He joked, throwing the toy across the room, “if you wanted a Mang, you should have just asked me.”

You crawled across the room to grab the toy, “I think it would be a bit weird if I asked you now for one of your toys when I’m dating you, don’t you think?”

“It would stop you having a Chimmy,” he groaned as you took a hold of the toy, bringing it back, “I’m definitely getting you a bigger Mang plush to get rid of this thing.”

“If it would make you feel better, bring me a Mang,” you assured him, pressing a kiss to his cheek, “I promise it will be my favourite.”

“It better be your favourite.”

Namjoon:

He couldn’t believe what he saw when you based him the photo, it was from a fansigning many years ago of you and Taehyung, it was clear you’d been crying with excitement, whilst he smiled anxiously by your side.

“This might be my favourite photo ever.”

Your eyes rolled, “I used to love Taehyung, I didn’t want to talk to any of you aside from Taehyung, I’m pretty sure I even asked the staff if I could skip all of you and just see Tae.”

“I’ve never felt so under appreciated in my life,” Joon laughed, recreating your expression in the photo, “do you think Taehyung remembers this?”

Your head shook rapidly, “I hope he doesn’t, and there is no way you’re showing him either. That photo is from a long time ago, things are very different now.”

“They better be, if you still liked Taehyung better than me, there’s no way I’d still be here,” he joked, feeling your arms wrap around him tightly.

“You’re my favourite member of BTS now, by far, nothing will change that,” you assured him, “you’re much better than Taehyung.”

“Damn right I’m better.”

Jimin:

When Jimin appeared at your door, your heart stopped, you let him in, knowing exactly what was in your living room. He stopped when he saw a poster of Jin laid out across the floor, turning to you to try and explain.

“What’s this all about?”

You sighed, “I was going through some of my old merchandise, and came across this, I couldn’t remember who was on it, so I unravelled it and then remembered buying it at my first concert.”

“Back when Jin was your bias,” he teased, snaking his arms around your waist, “don’t worry, I don’t mind, I hope you were throwing it out though.”

You nodded, turning back to face him, “I thought Jin might like it, he likes things like this with his face on to admire, might cheer him up a bit too.

“Don’t tell him that it’s yours though, he won’t ever let me forget it if he finds out you used to be his bias,” he requested, pressing several kisses to your cheek.

“It’s a secret, I’ll tell him a fan gave it to me to pass on,” you assured him, watching as the smile on his face grew.

“You’re the best, thank you.”

Taehyung:

You told him to open up your laptop to find something to watch, he did as he was told, only as he opened up your laptop, he found an old folder you had, titled Yoongi. He was intrigued but didn’t want to go behind your back.

“What’s in your Yoongi album on here?”

It was something you’d completely forgotten about, turning around to face him, “don’t open it, it’s no big deal, just pretend you’ve not just seen it.”

“It can’t be that big of a deal, I’ll just have a look,” he smiled, knowing exactly what was going to be in the folder, and all about Yoongi being a former bias of yours.

You shook your head, “don’t you dare Kim Taehyung, you think you’re being funny, but it’s not, you know that you’re just winding me up right now.”

“Alright, I’m sorry, I won’t open it,” he spoke, opening up Netflix instead, “don’t worry, I know I’m your bias now, and that’s what matters to me.”

“You are my favourite, Yoongi is my second favourite,” you told him, “now can you just pick something for us to watch?”

“I’m already on it.”

Jungkook:

Introducing Jungkook to your family was terrifying, they were all staring across at him, from the moment he walked in they were trying to figure things out, you knew something was wrong, you just didn’t know what it was.

“Is everything alright with you both?”

Your mum smiled, “when you told us your boyfriend was in BTS, we were expecting to see that Namjoon guy here, we didn’t realise that you’d moved on from him to Jungkook.”

“Mum!” You shrieked in horror, turning to face Jungkook, “I told you ages ago I was with Jungkook, Namjoon was just a phase when I was only a fan.”

She nodded her head, “sorry darling, I don’t know much about all these bands anymore, the name Namjoon just stuck with your father and I.”

“I knew something was wrong, you actually thought I was going to bring Namjoon home?” You asked, as they both nodded, making you feel terrible.

Jungkook took a hold of your hand, “don’t feel awkward, it’s funny really that your parents thought I would be Namjoon.”

“I am so sorry Kook.”

---

Masterlist

[kpopmultifan127]

The Jealous CEO

Pairings: Kun (boss who is the CEO) x female reader (appearance from Jaehyun and Renjun)

Genre: Angst, Fluff, Smut

Contains: Sex, jealousy, drinking

Word count: 5,492 *Sorry I didn’t proof read so if there’s a bunch of mistakes my bad haha*

General Plot: You were Kun’s assistant, he kept throwing mix signals to you like taking you to all his company parties and introducing you as his girlfriend, he takes you out to dinner and drinks with you. But in the office you’re just another employee, confusing your feelings. You end up forming strong feelings for him but always kept it to yourself as you didn’t want things to become awkward around the office. He then gets jealous when he sees you with one of the idols that is signed under his company. How will things turn out for you and Kun?

[7:00 AM] Your alarm went off to start your day. You got up to get ready for work. You put on your pencil skirt with your matching blazer and your white button down shirt. You felt cute but still looked sophisticated for work. You loved your job, you worked for a music company. Your coworker were super chill, you were all on the same page most of the time so there really was not too much drama there. Not to mention the pay was amazing! Also you had a boss anyone would dream of. He took care of his employees, always said family before work. He rarely ever got mad either. You had some time before you started work so you headed over to the coffee shop near the office.

___

[8:00 am]  8 AM on the dot in comes walking in your boss Kun. He was NEVER late always on time not a minute before or a min after. As he passed your desk you stood up with your folder in your hand with the agenda for the day. Following him into his office.

Kun: do i have any meetings today?

y/n: yes you do sir. At 9:30 you have a meeting with the Dreamies’ manager to discuss final details about their concert in a few months. Then at 12:30 you have a zoom meeting with the reps from the China office on new rookies that just got signed. But other than that I just need you to sign a few of these papers and that’s it for us.

you walked over to his side of the desk standing next to him. You leaned over the desk placing the papers he needed to sign allowing him to get a whiff of your perfume. As he was signing the papers he spoke up.

Kun: you smell really nice today. Is that a new perfume, that doesn’t smell like the ones you usually wear.

Your heart couldn’t help but flutter at the compliment. He took notice that you’ve changed your perfume. You can feel your cheeks become a warm rosy color.

y/n: oh--ye-yeah. I got it yesterday.

Kun: it matches you well

y/n: thank you.

Kun: well off to my meetings, I shall see you later.

And off he went to his meetings. Working there always made your days go by so fast. As it was already 5 PM the normal time you would finish. But you decided to stay a little bit longer to finish up the final details of the Dreamies’ concert layout. You wanted to make sure it was perfect before giving it back to the manager to show the boys. You knew the office was empty, you sat at your desk with the only light coming from your computer. You realized it was already 7 PM.

y/n: oh my god...it’s 7 I better go.

You started to pack up your things turning off your computer. You were startled at the sound of someone calling your name.

Kun: y/n?

y/n: oh my god! you scared me!

Kun: oh my god I’m so sorry...

y/n: I thought the office was empty....it was my fault I let my guard down. What are you doing here so late sir?

Kun: i should be asking you the same question.

y/n: oh I wanted to make sure everything was perfect for the Dreamies’ concert so I stayed back.

Kun: ah I see. so um..

it got quiet and awkward. You were about to break the silence when he started talking first.

Kun: so did you eat yet?

y/n: oh no...I’m probably just going to pick up something from the convenience store.

Kun: am I not paying you good enough for you to eat a decent meal?

you stood there waving your hands while shaking your head “no”

y/n: oh my god oh no! you pay me well enough....too much I think. but I don’t really have time to cook at home, when I get home from work I clean and by the time I’m done I’m too lazy too cook.

Kun: let me take you out to dinner...

y/n: oh no sir please..I can’t

Kun: please let me..I think I’d sleep better if I knew you ate an actual warm meal.

you were still hesitant to accept the offer, but you knew if you didn’t accept it hell keep buggin you. But before you can answer a loud growling noise came from your stomach. He looked at your stomach letting out a little giggle.

Kun: ok great well you defiantly can’t say no! let’s go.

y/n: where we going?

Kun: one of my favorite bbq places.

you both left the office walking over to his car. He opened the door for you as you sat in his passenger seat. As he drove off the car ride wasn’t awkward at all, it was filled with laughter. You never seen this side of him, it made your heart flutter again.

y/n: where is this bbq place?

Kun: it’s near my apartment building.

As you guys got to the bbq restaurant he parked the car and walked over to your side of the door letting you out. You both walked through the doors of the restaurant as it was already filled with many people. The waiter escorts you both to the table near the back.

Waiter: ah hello again Kun,  I see this time you aren’t alone..

Kun: oh--um yeah this is y/n.

As he sat down taking off his suit jacket to get more comfortable.

y/n: hello nice to meet you

Waiter: nice to meet you as well. Shall I bring your usual order but doubled?

Kun: yes please.

Waiter: ok I will be right back.

The waiter walks away leaving just the 2 of you at the table.

y/n: you come here often?

Kun: yeah...I always came here ever since I was a kid. My parents took me here all the time because I was always hungry.

you let out a little giggle at his words.

y/n: well you were just a kid, so you’re always hungry.

Your food came and he began cooking all the meat cutting it into little pieces and placing them on your plate.

Kun: eat a lot please

y/n: you should too.

As you both were eating you were conversing so much. You liked this side of him, it wasn’t about work or anything....just filled with laughs. He told you about some of his funny childhood memories as you did too. The waiter came to refill your waters and placing down a soju bottle.

Kun: oh I didn’t order this.

Waiter: boss said it’s on the house for his favorite customer.

Making eye contact with the manager and smiling as a thank you for the free drink.

Kun: would you like a drink?

y/n:...oh no...I’m really lightweight I don’t handle alcohol very well.

Kun: when was the last time you drank?

y/n: a few months ago when I found out my boyfriend cheated on me with my best friend...

Kun:...oh I’m sorry to hear.

y/n: it’s ok...things happen for a reason...I wouldn’t have found this job if that never happened, so I guess it’s a blessing in disguise. 

Kun: Well I don’t want to pressure you into drinking, but maybe you should just have one drink

You thought about it, you were with company you enjoyed, and it was only one drink. Plus you didn’t work on weekends so it was fine for you to just relax.

Y/n: I guess one drink wouldn’t hurt.

Kun: don’t worry I can drive you home.

You took the shot as your face scrunched up tasting how strong the alcohol was. He couldn’t help but smile.

y/n:...what?

Kun: nothing....that was cute.

You both kept talking about random things as you took another drink...then another then another...feeling a very strong buzz. Letting out slurred words.

y/n: I like working for you sir...

kun: we aren’t at work y/n you can just call me Kun.

you let out a giggle...

y/n: haha--ku...kun...I like that name.

kun: are you ok y/n?

You both finished eating and was completely full. You stood up then stumbling with each step. Kun caught you..

Kun: woah..are ok y/n? Let’s get you out of here.

He had his arms around your waist throwing your hand over his shoulders. He puts you in his passenger seat. You had a real good buzz going. When he got into the driver seat he asked where you lived. But you were too drunk to even let out an address.

Kun: um...well I guess I can just take you back to my place.

He drove off going to his apartment. There was one thing you forgot to mention to him that when you drank you always were horny. When he was driving you kept glancing at him shifting your legs together. He looked so good with his sleeves rolled up, hair pushed back and driving with one hand. He looked over to you with a smile and let out a little giggle.

Kun: you weren’t kidding y/n...you really are lightweight. You only had like 4 shots.

y/n: mmhhmm...I told you.

You kept shifting your legs back and forth as you started to feel a pool pour between your legs. He took notice at how you kept shifting yourself.

Kun:...are you ok y/n? are you uncomfortable?

y/n: just a little.

You both finally arrived to his apartment building. He came over to your door helping you out of the car. He pulled you in holding you with his arm around your waist, allowing you to get a whiff of his cologned you loved. You felt yourself melt more down to your core.

Kun: ok we are almost there. little steps.

Only a few minutes passed but felt like forever. You are finally inside Kun’s apartment. He walks you over to the couch.

Kun: here stay here and I’ll get you some water.

Your buzz was still pretty strong but you were a little more coherent but still horny as hell. With him around you looking the way he is wasn’t helping. He hands you the water for you to drink. You sat there quietly as he sat next to you.

y/n: thanks...

Kun: you’re welcome.

You kept shifting your legs again and he took notice...

Kun: are you sure you’re ok?

y/n: can I use your bathroom.

Kun: oh--yeah it’s the 2nd door on the left. Did you need help getting there?

y/n: oh no I’ll be fine.

You were walking to the bathroom as you can feel the wetness on ur core. You arrived to the bathroom.

y/n: oh my god y/n what the fuck are you thinking? he’s your boss....you can’t think like that about him.

a few mins have gone by and you heard a knock on the door.

Kun: y/n are you ok?

y/n: oh-ye-yeah I’ll be right out.

you splashed some water on your face and opened the door with him standing there..before you knew it you jumped at him putting your lips on his. kissing him then realizing who you were kiss you pulled back.

y/n: oh-oh my god I’m so sor--

Before you finished apologizing his lips met yours again. This time the kissing was more passionate as he picked you up holding you up with your legs. He carried you to his room throwing you on his bed. He hovered over you kissing your neck, then your jaw and you felt his hang work his way up your skirt...In your mind you couldn’t believe this was happening. His touch felt so good, he took care of you. Took his time with you. You heard him whisper in your ear

Kun: if i knew you wanted me this bad I would’ve skipped dinner and went straight for dessert..

you let out a little moan as you felt his fingers rub your clit.

Kun: damn babe you’re so wet and I barely touched you...

y/n: i want you in me now..

Kun: mmm...and you’re so needy.

He pulls back pulling down your panties and he starts to undress himself..you felt yourself become more and more wet seeing him in front of you.

kun: like what you see hun?

you sat there biting your bottom lip staring at him.

Kun: with that look I take it as a yes.

He gets in between your legs again as he teases your clit by rubbing the tip of his cock on it. You moan at his touch..

y/n:...please Kun fuck me now.

He inserts his member into you as you both let out a loud moan of pleasure. It felt so good as he thrusted in and out.

Kun: damn y/n you’re so tight.

His thrusting got rougher and faster, feeling you clench around his cock made him quiver as he could feel his high approaching soon.

Kun: damn babe keep doing that and I’m gonna cum pretty soon...where do you want it?

y/n: i want you to cum inside me..

Kun: mmmhhmm oh yeah? are you gonna make a mess with our cum?

y/n: yes...I’m gonna cum soon...OH MY GOD---

before you knew it you reached your high the same time as his, as you felt his spurts hit your walls. Your back is arched and everything felt so good as you both finished your high. He rests himself on you as he gets soft with himself still in you letting some of your juices drip out. When he finally pulls out he heads over to the bathroom to grab a towel. Coming out with it wrapped around his waist. He sees you laying there still catching your breath from the sex. He lets out a smile bringing you a towel.

Kun: did you want to shower? I can give you some clothes.

You sat up on the bed using the sheets to cover yourself up as you started to turn red.

Kun: what’s wrong babe?

y/n: sorry that happened.

Kun: well I’m not..

you froze at his words....you honestly thought he’d be mad that you jumped at him. He was your boss. He walked over to you standing in between your legs as he pulls your chin up to look at him. 

Kun: i’m not gonna lie sweetheart that was a surprised but I’d be lying if I told you I didn’t like it.

You slowly let out a smile show.

Kun: i just love your smile.

He places a kiss on your forehead and helps you up. handing you the towel.

Kun: Go shower babe and I’ll clean up here...you wanna spend the night?

You shyly shook your head yes as you left to go shower. When you came out wearing his hoodie and sweats he looked at you with a smile as his clothes were a little too big on you and you had sweater paws.

Kun: damn you’re so adorable.

______

[8:00 am] You were woken up by the dim light of the sun rising. You flipped back over to see Kun still sound asleep with his arm wrapped around your waist. You kissed him on the forehead as he moved at the touch of you and waking up.

y/n: sorry I didn’t mean to wake you up....

As he mumbles making a clear view of you

Kun: wow..

y/n:...wh-what? I know I’m sorry I look scary in the morning!

He lets out a giggle

Kun: no you look so cute right now. Where are you going?

y/n: I have to head home and change.....

Kun: why you don’t work today...why don’t you just stay here with me?

and he pulls you back into bed with him kissing your neck. He got up into the kitchen and started gathering ingredients.

y/n: what are you doing?

Kun: I’m making us breakfast....

You sat there watching him cook, that was a whole new side of him you never saw. He looked so handsome cooking for you both, you ate and cleaned up the kitchen together. You got dressed and he took you back to your place.

_____

A few weeks gone by and you guys had so much lust between you two. You were always at his place, sex every time with him was amazing. He finishes and pulls out of you laying next to you both panting. Staring at the ceiling.

Kun: what are you doing tomorrow night?

y/n: nothing why?

Kun: I have this party to go to can you come with me?

y/n: like as in a date?

Kun: yeah why not? it’ll be fun.

Once you agreed to it you had no idea what to wear. You went shopping and found a black form fitting dress and some heels to go with it.

____

[9:00 PM] It was the night of the party he came and picked you up. When you got in the car he sat there staring at you.

y/n: what? do I look funny?

Kun: no you look amazing....

You arrived at the party. Walking in with your arm linked around his. When you walked into the room it was filled with a lot of people. One of his colleges Jaehyun approached him reaching out for a handshake.

Jaehyun: hey man, long time no see...you never come to these things.

Kun: ah yeah I know.

Jaehyun: and who is this?

Kun: oh sorry! this is my girlfriend y/n.

You stood there frozen because did you hear him right? He said you were his girlfriend? You both fooled around a lot and went on dates but he never officially said you were a thing. To be honest you loved hearing it, as you smiled and reached for Jaehyun’s hand for a shake. You had fun at the party talking to his friends and he kept smiling at you seeing how much fun you had and his friends loved you. 

After the party he took you home because you had to help out your sister with some stuff the next day. He kissed you on the cheek as he let you out of his car watching you walk into your apartment building to make sure you got there safely.

_____

[8:00 AM] Monday morning 8 AM on the dot, in comes Kun. As your daily routine is to follow him to his office. You closed the door behind him walking over to his desk as you leaned in for a kiss he interrupts you.

Kun: what’s my agenda for today?

you stood up backing away from his desk as you were embarrassed with the movement you just did.

y/n: oh um. yeah sorry you have a 10 AM with the Dreamies and their manager to finalize everything for their concert. And then a 12 PM you are having lunch with your dad. And a 2 PM meeting with the music engineer about the new music for Hyunjin’s comeback. Ryujin from Human Resources needs you to sign these papers as well and to email them back to her whenever you are done with them.

You leaned forward placing the papers on his desk. You backed up after placing them standing there awkwardly. He looks up at you..

Kun: is there something you needed?

y/n: oh um...no. I’ll see you later sir...

You turned your feet and headed towards the door. Your heart was racing, but not in the way it usually does when you were around him. It felt hurtful for some reason. Why was he being cold to you all of a sudden. 

_____

[5:00 PM]  it was time to clock out. you peaked inside Kun’s office to see him packing up his stuff. You quietly approached him.

y/n: hey....are you headed home?

Kun: no I’m meeting up with Jaehyun to have a few drinks...why?

y/n: oh...no nothing. well have fun..

He didn’t even say another word to you and just walked out of the office. You were extremely confused with his actions today. The passed few weeks you were all over each other, and on Friday at the party he even introduced you to his colleges as his girlfriend. So what happened? Did you do something wrong? Or was it just a fling and he wanted something new. It made you upset.

When you got home you laid on your bed wondering what you possibly could have done to make him be this cold to you. He told you how much his friends adored you, so it couldn’t have been something you’ve said to his friends. It bothered you the whole night not letting you get a good nights rest.

You never really got much sleep last night because you couldn’t stop thinking about Kun and his cold attitude towards you. You didn’t have time to get coffee so your tiredness really came in the clutch. Plus with the Dreamies’ concert coming up you had to help prepare so much stuff, so work piled up.

____

[8:00 AM]  Kun comes in as you quickly followed. You had your hair up in a messy ponytail as you didn’t have time to wash it, your blazer wasn’t on like it usually is and you had a really bad headache. When you got into Kun’s office he sat at his desk.

Kun: what meetings do--woah what’s wrong with you?

He looks at you up and down as he sees your messy hair and messy papers you were hugging.

y/n: sorry sir...I didn’t get much sleep last night.

You never gave him a reason why you had lack of sleep as you just began reading his agenda.

kun:...y/n go home....

y/n: excuse me sir?

kun: you don’t look like you’re in your right mind right now...go home and rest.

His words kind of hurt you as he never knew the real reason to why you had lack of sleep.

y/n: but sir i--

kun: GO!

you turned around and walked out of his office going to your desk. placing your head on your arms. whispering to yourself “what is going on?” but then came back to reality when you felt someone tap you on the shoulder making you jump up.

y/n: OH MY GOD! why is everyone scaring--oh Renjun HI!

Renjun was one of the Dreamie members but best friend’s with your little brother Yangyang.

Renjun: noona are you ok? you look like crap.

y/n: long story...what are you doing down here?

Renjun: oh yeah...manager hyung wanted to know if you finished the stage layout?

y/n: oh yeah its right here.

you scrambled your desk finding the folder with all the paper for the stage layout. You were talking and laughing with Renjun as you handed him the paper. You didn’t really get to see too much of Renjun as because he was preparing for their concert. So this lil moment felt good to talk to someone who wasn’t telling you what to do.

Renjun: Yangyang said he was gonna come over to our dorm to hangout later, you should come.

You looked behind you to see Kun in his office staring at his computer. You wanted to be with him, but the way he was acting it seemed like he didn’t want you around.

y/n: oh sure yeah I’ll come stop by for a little bit. because apparently I now have the rest of the day off...

Renjun smiled and gave. you a hug as he went back to practice. What you didn’t know was Kun was really watching you both at the same time making him mad. He made eye contact with you for a brief second as he stared back at his computer.

As you were packing up your things you hear Kun yell for you from his office. So you quickly walked over. Walking in slowly with your head slightly down.

y/n: ye--yes sir?

Kun: I need you to look over these lyrics to make sure they sound right.

y/n: but-sir you told me to go home.

kun: well now I’m telling you to do this.

You just couldn’t understand what his problem was but you knew you couldn’t yell at him as he was your boss. You held in your tongue and did what you were told. When you were at your desk your phone buzzed.

{7:30 PM From: My Lil’ Yangyang} - Noona where are you? Renjun said you was gonna come over their dorm and hang out. He said you had the rest of the day off?

{7:32 PM To: My Lil’ Yangyang} - yeah I did, but the boss need me to do something last min. I’m sorry I’ll try to make it over there as soon as possible.

You looked over the lyrics as you were told to. You slowly were dozing off as it was already 10 PM. Kun quietly walked over to you seeing you sleep so peacefully resting your head on your hand. Slowly rocking your head trying to stay balanced. He couldn’t help but smile and giggle. As you fell off your hand waking up, seeing Kun standing in front of your desk. You jump up.

y/n: oh my god I’m sorry sir...I just--

Kun: if you’re done with looking over the lyrics you can go now.

He smiled at you then giggled again.

y/n: why are you laughing?

He then pointed to your hair as you felt a post it note stuck to it. You pull it out and throw it in the trash. Your phone lit up from a phone call from Renjun. Kun’s smile went away instantly at the sight of the caller ID “My lil Renjunie”

Kun: you gonna answer that?

y/n: oh- um..yeah. 

You pick up the phone.

y/n: hey Renjunnie...sorry I’m not able to make it right now to the dorms...

Renjun: are you coming over? your brother is drunk again.

y/n: oh my god not again.

You saw Kun walk back to his office without saying a word, but somehow his figure looked upset.

y/n: hey Renjun let me call you back. If anything happens just leave him there and I’ll come grab him after.

You hung up the phone and walked over to the office. It’s already 10:30 PM at night and you wanted to go home. But when you got to Kun’s office he had papers scattered all over his desk. You then slowly approach him.

y/n: sir...are you not going home?

kun:...no. I have a lot of work to do. Don’t you have somewhere to be?

y/n: no...

Kun: then who was that?

y/n: oh that was Renjun, one of the Dreamie members

Kun: well you seem pretty close with him then.

You could feel his coldness attitude come out as you stood there.

y/n: well yeah he’s my little brother’s best friend. He’s like my little brother too...I told you that before.

A small smile started to form on his face...but you couldn’t see because his head was facing the papers.

Kun: ah I see.

y/n:...well..um. I’m gonna head out sir...Have a goodnight.

As you slowly started to walk out he spoke.

Kun: did you want to get something to eat?

You were confused as his attitude changed AGAIN. Now he’s being nice to you again.

y/n: huh?

Kun: did you want to get something to eat? 

You couldn’t help but scratch the back of your head as you were extremely confused. This week he’s been cold to you and now he wants to have dinner with you. You couldn’t take it anymore you had to say what you were feeling.

y/n: sir I don’t know what I did wrong to you, and what ever it was I’m sorry. Last week when we were at the party you introduced me as your girlfriend, I’m not gonna lie that felt great. And I had a lot of fun with you over these passed few weeks, they were great. But what I don’t understand is why were you suddenly cold towards me, did I do something wrong? And now you’re being nice to me again buying me dinner.

It got quiet after you spoke your words. Hoping he would tell you what’s going on. You weren’t sure if you  wanted to just leave or stand there until he said something. After a few minutes he finally spoke up.

Kun: I like you a lot y/n. The passed few weeks were amazing for me too. 

y/n: then what happened?

Kun: When I introduced you as my girlfriend it just came out. I know I didn’t ask you officially to be my girlfriend, but I had so much fun with you that it just naturally came out. I wasn’t even sure if you felt the same way, and you only agreed to it so you I wouldn’t be embarrassed. Then when I saw you with Renjun I thought you guys had a thing.

y/n: eww oh my god Renjun is like my little brother....

Kun: I know that now....

y/n: but why were you so cold to me after....

Kun: I didn’t want you to think you had to be my girlfriend all the time. I didn’t know if you felt the same way as I did...that’s why I was being so cold to you. But it really hurt me to do that to you, because I could see the sadness in your eyes...and I knew your lack of sleep was because of me. And I’m sorry for that, I’m sorry for not just telling you how I felt.

You walked over to him grabbing his hands as he stared at the floor. You tilted your head to look at him.

y/n: I thought you knew how I felt about you the first night you brought me to your place. I knew I was drunk but my feelings were real. You are an amazing person Kun, at work and even more outside of work. That day you introduced me to your friends as your girlfriend, my heart fluttered so much. I felt so much warmth. I started to have feelings for you when you noticed the small things I’ve done. To my new hair, how I had little accessories in my hair up to the knowing the new perfume I bought. My ex wouldn’t even bat and eye....You made me feel like I was someone.

He pulled you into his arms squeezing you tight as you stood between his legs. Kun reached up to give you a kiss, his soft lips you loved so much. Your heart fluttered again with him holding you in his arms. He could feel your heartbeat against his chest. He smiled and pulled you in for a kiss again. When you both pulled away you can see expression become dark and hungry for something. He whispers in your ear...

Kun: wanna do it in my office baby?

Before you could nod “yes” his hand was already working his way up your thigh, making you release a moan. As you lean into his ear...

y/n: I’m already wet for you babe.

He then forcibly picks you up placing you on his desk as he starts to unbuckle his pants then pulling it down to let his hard member release. Pulling your panties to the side as he enters you without any prep.

y/n: oh yes...Kun right there...oh my god.

Kun: oh you feel so damn good. I’m glad I can fuck this any time..

y/n: anytime any where baby. I’m all yours. 

Thrusting himself in and out of you felt so good. Sweat dripping down from the both of you

Kun: baby I’m gonna make a mess in you like always...

Kissing your neck giving it little bit marks to show you belong to someone.

y/n: yes babe please...fill me up plea---OH MY GO BABY I’M GONNA CUM!

Kun: cum for me baby, I’m about to cum--oh my god!

you both reach our high for the first time in awhile since you officially became an item. He stays in you for a little bit before pulling out. Kun looks at you wiping away the sweat from your forehead and his. Placing a kiss right on your nose then forehead as he finally pulls out. Cleaning you both up with the tissues he had on his desk. You both got dressed. When you bent down to pick up your top you felt him wrap his arms around you. Turning you around to face him.

Kun: that was hot baby...

y/n: mmhmm...

He pulled you back in for a hug as you hugged him back, you can feel and hear his heart beat fast against your ear. 

Kun: wanna get food?

y/n: bbq?

Kun: that sounds perfect...let’s go

y/n: um...Kun?

Kun: yes baby?

y/n: can I get dressed first?

you both let out a giggle as he hands you your top to put back on. Placing one last kiss on your forehead and then on your nose. You then both went to the bbq place near Kun’s house as it was now your favorite place to go with him.

[lambourngb]

"Explain the tearaway pants again?"

“you can stay afraid ( or slit the throat of fear and be brave)” - title from Gang of Youths, and that’s all @haloud ‘s fault.

“Explain the tearaway pants again?” Alex asked, picking up the soft, shiny fabric from the box with an incredulous look to Kyle. Of all things he would have predicted as a birthday gift from Kyle, tearaway stripper pants was on the last page of the book, right before a father-son vacation voucher. 

Which he had also received, as a birthday gift from Eric, his latest and most recent now ex-boyfriend. His heart was in the right place, since Alex did say he was estranged from his dad, and well-meaning but ignorant Eric, who called his parents daily, thought a trip to baseball parks would help.

It was hard to explain to anyone he dated that when he said he wasn’t close with Jesse Manes, that it wasn’t just parental tension over his sexuality that could be eased with more talking. How do you say to someone that your dad didn’t just hate his sexuality but had attacked and maimed a teenager over it. That even drugged up with Alex waving a white flag of surrender, even faked as it was, his father had shut down any mention or acknowledgment of who Alex was. 

It was just easier to say that he and his dad did not see eye-to-eye and that it was unlikely to change. Alex had that weird thought that people, even alien shaped people, should be treated with dignity and not eradicated from the earth. There was no common ground to be found over genocide.

“I thought on the weekends, when you were wearing the prosthesis, you might find some use in easy to remove pants if you had your boyfriend over.” Kyle smiled, and moved to show him the tearaway seams that were cleverly hidden. “You told me that sometimes the mood fizzled because of getting undressed-”

“Ah,” Alex acknowledged, looking down at the box again. Another small white lie was coming back to bite him. It was true, getting undressed with someone new, was an ordeal. Forrest had handled it the best, outside of Michael, knowing just when to offer help and just when to back the hell off, but ultimately the secrets and running off because of a text about alien nonsense wore thin with him. After Forrest, he gave up on trying for a deeper relationship considering the number of secrets he guarded and went back to using a dating app which resulted in a few less-than-desirable responses to his leg.

Blaming the fizzle, on his awkward way of undressing, to Kyle was easier than mentioning that some guys lost their interest when the theoretical knowledge of his amputation became factual.

“You hate them.” Kyle reached for the box, which Alex tightened his grip on stubbornly.

“No, these are great and thoughtful, thank you. I was just thinking about the fact, I ah, Eric and I broke up today.”

“What?! Seriously?” Kyle glanced around Alex’s house with a clenched fist, as if he was waiting to see Eric appear, so he could fight him. “That dick broke up with you on your birthday? I never liked that douche.”

Alex smiled weakly, “You thought Eric was great, don’t lie.”

“I thought he was great because he didn’t act weird about your friendship with Guerin, and he’s one of the best scrub nurses in the OR but if he broke up with you on your birthday-”

“Okay well no need for workplace awkwardness, I broke up with him. In fact, you should probably take his side.” Alex gathered the wrapping paper to ball it up, and stood up to head into his kitchen, with Kyle following on his heels. He lifted the trash can lid, picking up the trip voucher on top to hand over to Kyle before disposing of the colored paper. “It’s not his fault, he is just probably too idealistic about the world for my taste.”

“Jesus, a father-son bonding trip? Yeah, no.” Kyle shook his head, before leaning against the countertop and studying Alex intently. “I don’t blame you for dumping him, I mean, you told him about how your dad treated you right?”

Once upon a time, to keep Kyle from demonizing Jim Valenti, the only man who was ever kind to Alex, he had revealed the extent of the abuse he suffered growing up. He never imagined that Kyle would end up being a part of his daily orbit, so it was at the time, a safe admission. The only reason he had any sort of comfort around Kyle now was he knew that Kyle had his own reasons for hating Jesse Manes. The support he received wasn’t pity, it was shared pain. Kyle understood, and of course Michael understood, but the rest of the world? He couldn’t trust it.

There were days when he wished he had been able to conceal the truth from Maria as a kid.

“My dad is a level of evil that approaches comic-book villain. It’s hard to come up with the vocabulary to explain it. It’s definitely not first date ground to cover.” 

“You could just say what you said to me, that he was an abusive, homophobic dick.”

“I tried that actually, with Matt, but his dad is Army, so he thought I was just talking about typical macho man bullshit. His dad called him a fairy and won’t pick up the phone when he called his mom, but he’d never tried to kill him for being gay.” Alex rubbed at his forehead, and shrugged dismissively, “even if I could explain it, there’s still alien bullshit to worry about. Forrest couldn’t deal with my secrets, so…”

“Now that, my friend, we can commiserate over. Even if Stef understood my friendship with Liz, she was less supportive of running out on her to answer Isobel Evans' every little call. As Rosa calls it, those bitch ass aliens, strike again.” Kyle picked up his half-empty beer from the counter to clink against Alex’s in solidarity.

Later, after Kyle was gone, Alex wandered out to his patio to light a fire. Despite the voucher from the now ex Eric and the funny gift from Kyle, his birthday had gone well. Maria had treated him to an amp for his sound setup, an expensive gift had it been new, but this one was reconditioned by Guerin. Liz and Max had treated him to lunch at the Crashdown with a four show pass at the local concert hall. Rosa had baked a gourmet cake, and even Isobel had dropped off a bottle of expensive scotch. 

Though it hadn’t worked out, Forrest had texted a nice birthday message along with an invitation to join a group of his friends for an antique market trip to Santa Fe. 

Alex tipped his head back in his chair, listening to the crackle of the firewood settling in the pit and finally allowed himself to think about Michael, or more specifically the absence of Michael today. It was pressing on a bruise, to consider the gift from Maria might actually have been a joint gift. He didn’t think they had gotten back together again, but he wasn’t sure.

The gap in knowledge about Maria warred with the feeling that maybe Michael had forgotten, and it ached. He wasn’t sure which hurt more. 

His phone vibrated against his leg. Alex placed his beer on the ground next to his chair and opened the notification. It was his security system letting him know that someone had pulled up to the front of the house. His heart thumped painfully but hopefully as he recognized Michael’s truck.

Sitting with his back to the gate made him itch in anticipation but not fear as he heard the crunch of Michael’s boots against the gravel. “You’re late.”

“Yeah, sorry. Um, happy birthday” Michael replied as he closed the distance in the dark to Alex’s chair. He threw himself into the chair gracelessly, before picking up his phone to check the time, “I’m not too late am I? This says it’s after midnight.”

Shivering a little, even though it was warm, Alex took a sip of his beer. “You’re never too late, Michael.”

The words settled between them, weighty and revealing. Alex immediately wanted to take them back. That was too truthful. Perhaps he was getting maudlin because of his birthday, but having Michael, someone who knew him inside and out, after a day of feeling just out of step with everyone else, was a balm on his heart.

Michael placed his hat next to them on the patio, glancing back toward the house with a sympathetic glance. “I figured. And um, I heard from Valenti about Eric, so, I thought you might not turn me away if I showed up.”

“Is that why you’re here?” Alex took another long swallow, staring into the flames, as the previous comfort of Michael’s presence faded. Not a pity visit. He couldn’t take that. Not daring to look at Michael because seeing his profile lit up by the firelight always did things to Alex’s heart, he finished his beer. Things he was still working on letting go of for his own good. “I’m fine, it wasn’t serious with Eric.”

“I’m glad you’re fine, but that’s not why I’m here.” 

There was a rustle of paper that caught Alex’s attention, and as he finally turned to face Michael, he froze. There was a folder in Michael’s hand. He couldn’t help but remember the recent past, where the cover of a folder barely covered the horrors of within. It was always gruesome intake forms or grisly after action reports that gleefully detailed the murder of civilians and the incarceration of aliens.

Michael shook the folder gently, “go on, it’s not gonna bite.”

Pressing his lips together in resignation, Alex reached for the folder. As rocky as things had been in the past, he was certain Michael wouldn’t try to hurt him on his birthday. It wasn’t his fault that Alex was a pessimist. Flipping open the manila cover, he paused again. His eyes roved down a list of names and numbers, along with a familiar family name.

“That’s my grandmother’s name,” Alex furrowed his brow in confusion looking over to Michael, as he leaned forward in happy anticipation.

“So last year, remember how I went to Texas with Max,” Michael began, and paused at the pained expression on Alex’s face. Right, it was unlikely that the beginning of Maria’s feelings had been forgotten. “Dumb question, okay well, we met an old woman from the Mescalero Res and her granddaughter. They were practicing some fake faith healing con game, which kinda pissed me off, until I realized the props they used were drawn from a visitor they had.”

“A visitor?”

“Yeah, they used lights to make their hand glow when they healed. She described a woman who lived there, and never spoke but had that ability. I drove there last month to ask her more about it. It turns out this woman was introduced to the tribe by your grandmother.” Michael smiled broadly, his fingers tapping with impatient energy. “So I went to the Diné people to ask about her. I know she’s passed on, but she left stories. An oral history. Err, they didn’t want to talk to me, being a white guy, but after I fixed just about every car on the Res-”

“That’s where you’ve been every weekend?”

Michael looked pleased, “You noticed?”

Caught out by just how aware he was of Michael’s movements, Alex gestured, “That’s not important, um keep going with your story.”

Still looking pleased, Michael picked up his tale, “So after I fixed every piece of shit car, every finicky generator, and promised that I would only repeat this to another member of the People, they told me what happened. Your grandmother and great-grandmother ran a sort of underground network for women in trouble. One night, in 1947, a group of ...visitors found her and her mom on the side of the road. They were waiting for supplies, from a sympathetic doctor.”

“Wait,” Alex stuttered, looking down at the list of names and numbers. “Are you saying-”

“They saved ten crash survivors that night, and scattered them to other tribes for safety.” Michael reached over to tap the paper, “I have no idea where they went, that’s still a secret to me, but… some of my people lived, free. Because of your family.”

Overwhelmed, Alex squeezed his eyes shut tightly. It was no use, he could feel the tears spilling out rebelliously down his cheeks, as he sucked in an unsteady breath. The weight of his name, of the evil done by his father, was still there, but now there was a counter-balance. Harshly Alex gasped for another breath, shuddering as a sob broke through his control.

“Sweetheart, oh god, I didn’t mean to make you cry-” Michael murmured, distraught as he shifted closer, placing a tentative hand on Alex’s shoulder. The simple touch unleashed what shaky hold on control Alex had, as he collapsed into Michael’s arms. Without hesitation, Michael pulled Alex into his embrace, letting him shake in the safe confines of his strength.

The poison that Alex had felt, writhing under his skin, from as long as he could remember was slowly being lanced and drained. It didn’t matter that Michael had never blamed Alex for his family, no words could touch that reservoir of toxin inside him that marked him a Manes Man. Only actions could. 

On the day celebrating his birth, Alex could finally feel peace regarding the blood in his veins.

“I’m sorry, I should have let you know I was looking into your family after Arizona’s grandmother mentioned it. I was going to, if my campaign of fixin’ shit didn’t work, ‘cause you’re a member, they would have talked to you, I just wanted to give you some good info. But if I crossed the line, I’m sorry-”

Alex silenced Michael’s apologies with his lips.

His action halted Michael for a moment, before he groaned against Alex’s lips and deepened the kiss hungrily. His hands came up to cup Alex’s skull gently even as he increased his efforts of climbing into Alex’s skin through the sheer connection of the kiss. Long moments passed as Alex bit gently before diving into the silky heat of Michael’s mouth.

The need for oxygen won at last over his other instincts and reluctantly Alex broke the kiss. He kept his forehead pressed against Michael’s as they traded deep breaths in the silence. Closing his eyes, Alex spoke quietly, “If *I* crossed a line just then-”

“You didn’t, as long as you’re not sorry.”

Looking up at Michael’s dark, still slightly stunned eyes, Alex smiled weakly, “I’m not, but I admit, I didn’t see this happening. With you. I thought you didn’t want to go down this road again.”

Michael reached up, combing his fingers through Alex’s soft, growing dark locks gently. “I don’t want to go down the *same* road, but I was hopin’ we might find a different path. And full disclosure, we’re kinda ahead of my plans. I didn’t think you were gonna dump Eric today-”

Huffing a soft laugh, Alex replied wryly, “I wasn’t planning on it, but he thought my dad and I could patch things up by going to Wrigley Field together. He bought me a Field of Dreams-themed trip for me and dear old dad.”

“What. The. Fuck.” Michael blinked a few times, clearly running the words through his mind for meaning. “For one thing, you don’t even like baseball, and for another, your dad is a homophobic murdering psychopath.”

Alex burst out laughing at the offense in Michael’s voice. Pieces slotted into place, knowing that Michael understood not just on a theoretical level, but a deeply personal level just how fucked that suggestion was about Jesse. “God, you’re right, I hate baseball.”

He captured Michael’s hand, still stroking through his hair, and pressed a soft kiss on his rough calloused palm. Hands that had spent weeks working tirelessly for free just to get Alex some answers and peace about where he came from and who he was. A fresh burn of tears threatened as he thought about the effort Michael had expended.

“More tears?” Michael remarked softly, feeling the wet brush of Alex’s eyelashes against his hand. 

“Happy tears.” Alex straightened and got to his feet, holding onto Michael’s hand. He cast a considering eye on the fire, deciding it had burned down low enough to install the fire pit cover. Rubbing his thumb against the silky seam of his pants, he tugged Michael toward the house, “So Kyle got me these pants for my birthday, and they were the second best present I had today.” His smile turned wicked as he led the way toward the bedroom with confidence, “I would really like to show you how they work, if you’re interested...”

[dyde21]

Please please please percabeth marching band AU from the prompt list

Boy oh boy, this reminds me of the mechnic!AU prompt I got for Arkos that turned into my longest fanfic and still most successful one Arc’s Metalworks. Hearing about this prompt for some reason murdered me with inspiration. This is just a short one-shot but I’m super tempted to make this into a longer piece as well...

XxXxXxXxX

Hip checking the the band room door to open it, Percy yawned as he held open the door, letting Leo and Jason enter. The band chairs had all been pushed away, forming a big circle to let their friends sit together. Looking around, Percy pouted slightly when he couldn’t see a certain blonde he was particularly attached to. 

“McDonalds, again?” A voice cut in behind him suddenly, making him jump about a foot in the air as he spun around, trying not to spill his coke.

“I didn’t have lunch made today! So I needed something! It was Leo’s idea! It was close by.” Percy took the shotgun approach to excuses, hoping if he said enough of them that one would stick, or his girlfriend wouldn’t care enough to rebuttal all of them. 

“You’re almost an adult. You can make your own food. 2, Leo always wants junk food. That doesn’t mean you need to indulge him. 3, It’s always close by. So is the grocery store that has fresh options.”

She shot him down, making his shoulders droop.

“I wanted fries.” He confessed to the blonde with gray eyes that was in the process of staring him down intently. 

Smiling, satisfied with his honesty, she just patted him on the cheek. “Was that so hard? Tomorrow you’re eating something healthy, or else.” She threatened him. 

The sigh of defeat that left Percy’s mouth was apparently enough of a confirmation for her. 

Kissing his cheek in a peace offering, she leaned down to take a sip of his coke before moving past him to the circle with everyone else. 

Frank and Hazel were already tucked away to a side, Hazel offering Frank one of the cupcakes she had made the night before, before sliding the large bin towards the center for people to take one as they pleased.

Leo was already cracking open his energy drink as he fished out a burger from his bag. 

Jason took a seat next to Piper, giving her an apologetic look as she scrunched up her nose at the meat he was eating. For as much meat as Jason ate, Percy was still surprised he managed to date a vegetarian. 

Reyna was next to Hazel, taking a bite of a homemade sandwich as she flicked through a few pages of sheet music, keeping time with one hand as he memorized the score. 

A soft piano song wafted through the room, and Percy didn’t even need to look up to know what was happening. 

Still, glancing over he saw exactly what he expected. Tyler was tucked away in the corner on the baby grand, playing what sounded like a piano version of a song from Hamilton that Annabeth had been singing recently. 

“I have never been the type to try and grab the spotlight.

We were at a revel with some rebels on a hot night” 

Ashe’s voice started singing in a voice that really made Percy wonder why she wasn’t in choir. Annabeth took her seat next to him, humming happily along. 

Ashe swayed in place slightly next to Tyler on the bench as she sang.

“Laughin’ at my sister as she’s dazzling the room” She sang as she looked over at her boyfriend next to her.

“Then you walked in and my heart went” 

*Boom*

The piano stumbled a bit at the sudden loud noise as they looked over to see Leo grinning, having hit the concert bass drum in time with the song. 

Most of the group started laughing as Tyler managed to recover his piano playing, but Ashe was far too amused to sing properly anymore.

Leo rejoined them, going back to his food as he looked proud of himself. 

“Don’t use percussion equipment if you aren’t in the section for a joke.” Reyna warned half-heartedly, her own smile betraying how amused she been at seeing Ashe jump at the noise.

“Yeah, yeah.” Leo offered, not really affected considering it wasn’t the first time he had heard that warning, and he severely doubted it would be the last time. He earned a bit of good will with the band and drum majors considering he was the resident expert on fixing any problems with the instruments.

The song wound down eventually. Precy noticed Ashe leaned over and kissed Tyler’s cheek and looked away, seeing Annabeth smiling as she dipped an apple slice in peanut butter and his gaze lingered on her lips, the little gob of peanut butter stuck on her lip he kinda wanted to kiss off.

“Stop flirting at the piano and make sure you eat properly. We’re marching outside today, it’s hot, and I don’t want to hear you complaining cause you’re hungry.”

Annabeth called out suddenly, making the pair at the piano flinch before they stood up after a moment and made their way over.

Tyler took a seat as Ashe went to her locker, emerging with two containers of food that she heated up in the microwave. Not long she sat next to Tyler, handing him one and laughing as he let out a dramatic sigh of appreciation and started digging in. 

“How come you never cook for me?” Percy teased, nudging Annabeth to get her attention. 

“Cause I don’t believe in spoiling my boyfriend like Ashe does. I prefer to let you learn for yourself.”

She offered, smirking at the girl across the circle.��

Ashe narrowed her eyes. “I’m not spoiling him, he’s a terrible cook and I’m trying to get him to eat healthy. Something your boyfriend could stand to do.” She said, motioning at the array of fast food spread out in front of Percy.

“Why am I being thrown under the bus here.” Tyler complained half-heartedly. 

“Cause you get amazing food hand-delivered to you every day by your girlfriend and we’re jealous.” Piper chimed in. 

“Frank gets sweets though!” Leo chimed in, earning an approving nod from Tyler. 

“I would eat healthy if Annabeth cooked for me.” Percy offered, before glancing at his girlfriend and pausing. “Maybe…” 

Annabeth gave him a dangerous glare. “I’m not that bad of a cook.”

“Most of the time, no. Sometimes…”

Ashe snickered as Annabeth flipped her off. 

“It’s okay to be bad at cooking Annabeth…” Tyler offered trying to reassure her.

“Shut up and eat your girlfriend’s food.”

Tyler just grunted, pouting as he dug into his food. 

“Don’t tell my boyfriend to shut up because you’re jealous.” Ashe countered, raising an eyebrow. 

“I’m not jealous. I just haven’t really tried to learn to cook anything complex really before.” Annabeth defended herself. 

Tyler put down his drink. “I’ve tried cooking lunch for Ashe before! A few times. It just doesn’t really go well…” His voice trailed off.

The group got quiet for a moment as they remembered the last time when Ashe went home because she had actually gotten a mild case of food poisoning when she was determined to finish the food he made even after it was clear it wasn’t done right.

Ashe leaned over and kissed her boyfriend's cheek, rubbing his arm. “You’re really sweet for trying. Besides, you know I love cooking. I’ll count on you for studying instead, deal?”

“Deal.” He offered as they grinned at each other with a look that made Percy roll his eyes at how sweet they were. 

Ashe turned to Annabeth, her expression softer. “For real though, if you ever do want help cooking, I’d be happy to help you.” Her expression one of peace rather than teasing. It wasn’t a secret Ashe was pursuing cooking for a career so no one really tried to compare themselves to her. 

Annabeth glanced at her for a moment longer before nodding and smiling. “That would actually be cool. I can show you some tricks I use for my notes too.” 

Ashe grinned and nodded.

Percy nudged Annabeth’s arm before motioning with his head subtly towards Tyler who was still looking a little off-put. He could see a wave of guilt was over Annabeth’s features. It was no secret that the social butterfly Ashe’s boyfriend was more socially awkward than most.

“Did you ever get the hang of that piano riff in Mirror, Mirror Tyler?” Annabeth asked, a slight apologetic tone in her voice.

Tyler regarded her for a moment, before he offered her a reassuring smile that there were no hard feelings. “Mostly, kinda, yeah. I’m still like 40 BPM short of it the full speed but it’s definitely less clunky. My hands were starting to hurt yesterday though so I had to stop.”

Annabeth grinned at him. “Don’t hurt yourself practicing, but that’s pretty incredible. Make sure you let me hear it when you have it down. Ever since you got me hooked on RWBY that song keeps coming up in my music.”

Ashe was beaming now that people were no longer bickering and soon the rest of their lunch period had passed as they all scrambled to put the room back together, having not realized how late it had gotten. 

Hours later when they were all returning from the marching practice. “It’s so hot out.” Percy muttered as he slipped his snare drum off and collapsed across a few band chairs. “Why do guys have to keep their shirts on?” He moaned, tugging at his to air it out from the heat. 

“Cause if girls have to suck it up, so do you.” Reyna offered, taking a swig from her water bottle. 

“Then let girls take them off too.” Leo added, earning a swat on the back of the head from Piper.

“Shut up Leo.” She said, before tousling his hair affectionately as she walked past. 

“I’m starving.” Tyler complained as he set down his quads. “Quads are too heavy.”

“Told you to eat more earlier.” Annabeth scolded.

“Move, you’re on my folder.” Ashe complained, nudging her boyfriend half-heartedly who didn’t budge.

“It’s too hot.” Tyler moaned.

“You’re too hot.” She countered. 

Making the boy pause, giving her a curious look before he sat up enough for Ashe to grab her folder. 

A minute later and everyone was practically melted into a puddle in various places around the bandroom when Chiron finally walked in. 

“It was a hot day today. Make sure you drink plenty of water, not just now, but as these weeks pass to stay on top of it.”

Everyone groaned some sort of affirmation. 

“Besides, we want you all ready for our competition in a month!”

There was a pause before a wave of cheers erupted as life suddenly rushed back into everyone at the reminder. 

Annabeth and Percy shared a glance as they grinned. They were going to knock it out of the park this time.

XxXxXxXxX

I hope you enjoyed it! I had a LOT of fun writing this. I still am super tempted to turn this into a full fledged multi chapter AU. If there is any interest in continuing this let me know. My time is just so split already. 

As always if you are interested in supporting me, letting me write more check out my art commissions HERE or even my Ko-Fi HERE to get an instant prompt fill!

[min-minn]

Symphony - Chapter Five

A03

Summary: Viktor Nikiforov, tenor prodigy and top student at the Salchow Institute of Music, is looking for an accompanist.

And word around campus is that Yakov Feltsman, Head of Music and conductor of the prestigious Institute Band, is looking for new members.

Yuuri Katsuki is just looking to survive his next Piano recital

OR

The Yuri on CONCERT Music School AU that we all deserve

Pairings: Viktor Nikiforov/ Yuuri Katsuki

Rating: Teen And Up

Content Warning: Anxiety

A/N: *bows profusely* I'm so so sorry it took me this long, and I'm sorry it was a bit of a shorter chapter!

After finishing Fever I had to literally purge myself and get my mind back into this fic properly. This chapter felt like a bit of a warm up - getting ready to throw myself into the deep end that is the story to come. AND BOY AM I READY to throw myself in. I've never wanted to write something so much in my life.

AND ITS THANKS TO ALL OF YOU GREMLINS! Thank you so much for all of the support - I actually don't know how to describe how much it encourages me. Knowing there's people out there who actually want to listen to some crazy story I've dreamt up, it makes me want to wake up in the morning. I hope I can do this story justice and give you some half-decent food to keep us all satiated until YOI gets back from the war...

No music this chapter, but there'll be plenty in the next one! I'm writing it as we speak!I also hope to update this fic on a bit of a stricter schedule - After this weekend I'll be posting a new chapter (sometimes two) every Monday night PST! (Give or take because I'm at the other end of the world and Monday night is actually Tuesday evening for me~) I really want to challenge myself to write this fic as fully as I can, and I don't like keeping people waiting!

And also, of course, find me on twitter or tumblr if you have any questions. I also do art when my brain wants a break from writing which I post there, and I've met some great members of the YOI fandom already around my art and writing so I'm always open to making more! (YALL KNOW WHO YOU ARE, YOU SICKENINGLY BEAUTIFUL HUMANS)

ANYWAY LOTS OF BELATED LOVE,

- Min

Shortly after the practice session, Yuuri had completely thrown himself into his study. His anxiety was nothing new - after however many years of bathroom stalls and car parks and stage wings soaked in fear, the panic attacks were like old friends. And every time they rolled through him, passing through like a tornado and leaving him weak, his first thought was always music.

At least he had his music.

As a child, Yuuri had been blessed with plenty of time to practice. His life was easy-going in Hasetsu - school was simple, friends were simple, home was simple. If anything threw him into an anxious spin, nobody paid any mind when he would slip away quietly to his room, or sprint to Minako’s then studio to use her grand. It was a sort of therapy, he’d decided. There were probably better ways for him to find relief - ways that didn’t border on obsession - but he reasoned that if it worked, if it wasn’t hurting anyone else, then how bad could it be?

When he’d practice to calm himself, it didn’t matter what he played, so long as his fingers were moving along the keys. Sometimes it was Liszt. Sometimes Chopin. Sometimes jazz or simple accompaniment pieces. He even had a small folder of pop songs and film scores that slipped into his rotation every now and then. Phichit always loved listening to Yuuri play pieces from The King and the Skater – his ‘absolute favourite movie of all time, no exceptions’- though that usually only happened when they were drinking at home, Phichit screeching along at the top of his lungs while Yuuri stumbled his way through the chords.

Now that Yuuri was focussed on his thesis and composition, he had plenty to fill up his practice time. And so, after the disastrous practice session, blinded slightly by tears and desperate to get his hands on his keyboard, bitterly afraid of running into Viktor, he’d come home with Phichit and all but chained himself to his piano. Had run over the notes from his last session with Lilia. Practiced scales and glissandos and tremolos until his nails dug into his skin. Written pages after pages of ideas - notes erased and moved like chess pieces across the bars. Ideas scrawled in fine pencil in the margins - sometimes in English, sometimes in Japanese.

Very soon, as the days drifted past, the events of that practice session - and with it, the painful thoughts of Viktor - drowned into quiet at the back of his mind. Phichit was kind enough not to bring it up, though he was quite busy with his own practice and some latest video project he’d been commissioned to do.

Sometimes the thoughts would resurface - particularly if Yuuri spotted a flash of silver hair across the quad, or heard someone say his name in passing - but all in all, Yuuri felt he was slowly putting the whole thing behind him.

It had been a relatively productive week by the time Yuuri’s next session with Lilia rolled around. He was still slightly nervous - certain that she’d be just as cold and ruthless as their first meeting - but the edge was taken off ever so slightly since he knew, now, what to expect. He almost felt comforted, knowing with certainty that he was going to be chewed up and spat out by the diva. Kind of fitting.

He deserved it, after all.

Because that was the one constant as his mind reeled. As he tried to make sense of the strange events surrounding Viktor. As he tried to reason and brute force his way through all his emotions with some sort of logic.

He wasn’t good enough for him. Wasn’t good enough for The Institute Band. Wasn’t good enough to even be here at SIM…

“Do I have your complete attention, Mr. Katsuki?” A voice cut across his thoughts.

“Oh! Yes, Madame Baranovskaya. Of course,” he quickly straightened in the piano stool, Lilia was a constant presence behind him as she scanned his movements. He’d drifted off while playing again – working his way through the first movement of his composition piece to try and show her what he’d been working on.

“I admire your appreciation of the musicality of your piece, Mr. Katsuki, but we’re strictly working on tempo today,” she said coolly, eyes flashing as she looked down at him. Yuuri’s heart sank ever so slightly – if only he could keep his mind in check for one second perhaps he’d be worthy of Lilia’s time. But, of course, who was he kidding? He hardly had any right to be here, under her supervision, let alone at this school…

“And I do believe,” she said in an oddly soft tone, “This piece was originally intended to be played in a major key, correct?”

Yuuri blinked, furrowing his brow. Had he been playing in a minor key? He could hardly remember…

“Yes, of course” he dipped his head in embarrassment.

“Celestino did warn me about your tendency to get lost in the music,” she continued, pursing her lips as she appraised him. Her gaze never failed to set his teeth on edge. Like he was on display, completely exposed and slowly being picked apart. He swallowed as the silence dragged on, bracing himself for the inevitable reprimand.

“You can use that to your advantage, if you have someone skilled enough to record your playing,” and her voice was rather quiet. Almost as if she were speaking to herself. “You have a unique way of phrasing that would do you wonders if you were actually paying attention.”

Yuuri tried to hide the blush he could feel warming his ears at her words. Was it …meant to be some kind of compliment? He’d never heard someone speak that way about his playing before.

“I’ll see what I can do,” and her voice was back to its usual strict tone. “For now, Mr. Katsuki. Tempo.”

Their session lasted most of the afternoon, the sun dipping low as they came to a close after hours of metronome instructed exercises and Lilia’s constant reprimands and observations. It felt like Yuuri had run a mental marathon by the time she called the session to a close.

But it was a good feeling, in its own way. He knew he’d hardly have the mental energy to worry about running into Viktor on his way to the bus. To worry about what Lilia really thought of him as a student. It was like a kind of mental static – too exhausted to even bring up coherent thoughts as he slowly packed his sheet music and notes away.

Lilia offered him a few pointers for his practice at home, giving strict instructions for their next session. He bid her farewell and made his way to the door, only to be stopped by the sound of her clearing her throat.

“And, Mr. Katsuki,” she called after him. He turned back toward her and took in her severe silhouette as she stood by the grand, expression unreadable.

“Congratulations,” she said, mouth a hard line, though her eyes seemed … uncharacteristically warm.

Yuuri blinked.

“Congratulations?” he asked quietly.

Congratulations for what?

“Try not to celebrate too much this weekend,” and Yuuri all but choked as he watched Lilia … smile? It was thin, hardly reaching her eyes, but it was a smile nonetheless.

Celebrate?

What on earth—

Yuuri didn’t get the chance to question her, however, as her phone suddenly rang loudly, filling the room with a strange ringtone. Some kind of high staccato singing. She picked it up quickly and waved for him to leave, greeting whoever had called in a stoic manner.

Yuuri hurried out of the room. The whole meeting was quite strange – stranger than his first meeting that still gave him chills when he remembered how cold Lilia had been with him. Despite how exhausted he felt, he couldn’t help but gnaw on the thought in his mind;

Why had she congratulated him?

He was still worrying away at the question when he rounded the corner and came into one of the common areas. It was a large, spacious room with high ceilings – couches and coffee tables huddled in one corner with tables and chairs filling what remained. There were large expanses of wall space taken up by posters and flyers of every kind. It was the main common area at the school – the one where all of the latest news and postings always ended up. Things like simple advertisements for local concerts or gigs that students were involved in. Flyers looking for roommates or accompanists.

But there was also one wall dedicated to official postings. It was a dividing wall that cut through the room, and it was often crowded at this time of year.

Today it was positively crammed with students.

The noise was overwhelming, Yuuri finding himself flinching ever so slightly as he realised how many people he’d have to pass just to get to the exit. There was shouting and screaming, what sounded like someone practicing scales on a clarinet. There was laughter, and as the crowd came into view, Yuuri could see countless people jostling each other for space around the wall.

Yuuri distantly remembered that today was important, though he couldn’t remember why. There must be a posting – parts for the SIM Musical perhaps? Or maybe there’d been new chairs announced for the orchestra?. Yuuri knew none of it would apply to him, however. He hadn’t auditioned in years, preferring to just focus on the orchestra when he needed to. He ducked his head to make sure nobody recognised him, tucking his chin into his scarf and making his way toward the exits.

A familiar voice rang out across the din and he froze in his tracks.

“Yuuri! Yuuri, over here!”

Viktor.

Viktor’s voice.

His legs turned to water the second the realisation hit him, and he barely had the strength to turn towards the sound. He cursed his high-functioning anxiety for choosing to auto-pilot right at that moment. He wanted nothing more than to pretend he hadn’t heard him and bolt for the doors, but his body seemed to move on its own. Wooden and puppeteered by years of trying to appear normal in social situations. Not to mention the uncomfortable flip his heart did in his chest that took control of his pulse quickly.

He turned to see Viktor standing at the front of the crowd, shouldering his way through and making his way towards him with a beaming grin lighting up his features. It almost hurt to look at. Like staring straight into the sun.

Yuuri figured Viktor must be greeting him out of pity. He could see a few of the school’s best and brightest hanging near where Viktor was standing by the posting wall, so it was unsettling to see Viktor prying himself away from his elite friends, focussed on Yuuri instead. Christophe Giacometti, the school’s top double bassist, stood out instantly, his curly blonde hair all too visible in the sea of browns and blacks. He was one of Viktor’s closest friends, Yuuri knew, and the man seemed to be shouting something after Viktor, though his voice was lost as someone blasted a note on a trombone nearby.

“Congratulations, Yuuri!” Viktor cried, breaking free of the crowd and all but running over to him. The uneasiness of Lilia’s words returned with full force.

Congratulations for what?

“V—Viktor,” Yuuri said in a small voice by way of a greeting, though it sounded more like a question, a deep sense of dread beginning to work it’s way into his chest. He hadn’t spoken with Viktor since their last practice – hadn’t replied to the one text message he’d sent. He hadn’t even opened it, too petrified of what it might entail to even read the opening line. Viktor would surely be offended at Yuuri’s silence. It had been just over a week since their practice, after all.

“I’m so thrilled you decided to audition in the end,” Viktor said breathlessly, rearranging his shirt after being tossed around in the crowd. He stood just slightly too close, eyes bright as he watched Yuuri with all the excitement of a child.

Wait…

Audition?

“Wh—what?” Yuuri’s voice came out as a strangled squeak as he felt himself grow pale. Audition? As in—?

But before he could finish the thought, another familiar voice rang out across the room. He turned to see Phichit, red-faced and gasping for air as he all but sprinted toward Yuuri from the doors on the other side of the room, saxophone slung precariously across his shoulder, satchel bouncing against his hip as he ran.

“Yuuri my love!” He all but screamed, crashing into Yuuri with full force, crushing him in a hug. Yuuri barely had time to register Viktor clearing his throat behind him, crying out as Phichit tackled him.

“I’m so sorry! Did you find out already? Shit! I can’t believe I missed it! All that work for nothing,” and around Phichit’s senseless rambling Yuuri managed to gasp a few confused words and worm his way out of the hug.

“Phichit, what on earth is going on—?” but there was another strong grip on his shoulder that froze the words in his throat, Yuuri crying out in shock as he spun around. It was Otabek – the Otabek, from their practice session. And he was standing over him, clapping him on the back, face stoic as he nodded. The man offered a thumbs up, blinking once, not saying a word, before walking past him toward the exit. Yuuri watched him wide-eyed and more confused than ever as Otabek wandered toward a small figure with a guitar slung over his back.

Toward Yuri. The other Yuri. With blonde hair peeking out from a black hoodie, leopard print across its back. The smaller man glanced back to him with piercing eyes, waving at him in a way that seemed almost … friendly?

It was all too much. Why were they all here? Why was Yuri waving at him? Why was Viktor bouncing up and down where he stood, Phichit running his mouth like a stream?

Why was everyone so excited?

“Phichit,” Yuuri’s voice was weak, breaking ever so slightly as that same sense of dread bloomed into full-blown fear. “What's going on?”

“Huh?” Phichit glanced at him worriedly, stopping his rambling as he took in Yuuri’s expression, though he still had a ridiculously wide grin plastered on his face. “What do you mean?”

“Why is everyone congratulating me?” Yuuri whispered, eyes darting nervously between his best friend and Viktor as they stood, watching him like he was the only person in the world who didn’t know…

“Oh, Yuuri…” Phichit’s eyes grew wide, his feet shuffling as he took a tentative step closer, hand reaching out instinctively. “It’s okay, don’t—“

“What did he mean by audition, Phichit?” Yuuri said distantly, the light from the wide windows flashing off his glasses, eyes hidden.

Phichit swallowed.

“Yuuri, I need you to take deep breaths,” Phichit said slowly, two hands out now. Wary.

“What did you do?” Yuuri all but whispered, feeling his stomach threaten to drop to the floor. Surely not. Surely Phichit would never…

“Well,” Phichit swallowed again, rubbing the back of his neck and throwing Viktor a desperate look. “You know that, ah, project? The video one?”

“You didn’t,” Yuuri breathed, taking a small step backwards as his legs threatened to give way. He could fit the pieces together easily enough. The video project. An audition. All the strange secrecy and vague answers.

“I may or may not have,” and Phichit’s eyes were concerned. Fearful. But there was that typical sparkle of mischief and excitement that – in any other circumstance – would have won Yuuri over.

But this was…

“Wait, what’s going on?” Viktor asked cheerily, face slightly confused as he glanced between the two friends. He spoke like someone at ease with slotting himself into conversations, and Yuuri found himself marvelling at the social confidence, despite it all.

“Ah, I’m a terrible friend,” Phichit said with an exasperated smile. “I filmed our practice the other day and sent it to Yakov by way of an audition.”

Yuuri felt like all of the words were coming at him from a great distance – like he’d suddenly slipped into a well, sound and light having trouble reaching his senses. Audition. Practice. Yakov. Film…

“Yuuri please, hear me out,” Phichit said quickly. “I knew you’d never have the balls to audition on your own and now the hard part’s out of the way! You were accepted!”

Yuuri blinked.

“No I wasn’t,” he whispered matter-of-factly, shaking his head ever so slightly. He couldn’t have been accepted, it must have been some kind of mistake.

“But you were, Yuuri!” Viktor said with a dazzling grin, eyes bright as he reached and gripped Yuuri by the shoulders. The touch sent flames licking along Yuuri’s veins, and if it weren’t for Viktor’s strong grip, he knew he would have fallen right then and there.

“Come and see!” and he was suddenly being whisked through the crowd, bodies pressing against him tightly as Viktor reached down to hold his hand, tugging him along after him like a kite, Phichit trailing behind with a steadying hand on his back.

They made their way to the posting wall, faces crammed towards the small piece of paper pinned to the centre of the board.

It read, in a simple non-descript font:

2016 Institute Band Members

Saxophones

Alto: Phichit Chulanont

Tenor1: Guang Hong Ji

Tenor2: Leo De La Iglesia

Trumpets

1st: Jean-Jaques Leroy

2nd: Sara Crispino

3rd: Seung-gil Lee

Trombones

1st: Emil Nikola

2nd: Michele Crispino

Rhythm

Double Bass: Christophe Giacometti

Guitar: Yuri Plisetsky

Percussion: Otabek Altin

Piano: Yuuri Katsuki

Vocalists

Viktor Nikiforov

Mila Babicheva

Practice this Thursday, March 16th, 6pm sharp

- Yakov Feltsman

Yuuri felt the ground fall away beneath him.

“Yuuri? Yuuri!” Phichit managed to catch him as he fell, holding his shoulders firmly and giving them a slight shake.

Yuuri distantly registered that Viktor was still holding him by the hand…

“It can’t be real,” Yuuri whispered, attempting to steady himself. Yakov had seen him practice – had seen his lack-lustre playing with Viktor and Yuri and Otabek there to outshine him at every turn. Had seen it and …

Accepted him?

“I can assure you, it’s real,” Viktor said with a smile, and as Phichit helped Yuuri stay on his feet, Yuuri noticed that Viktor was smiling at him warmly. But his eyes were … troubled? He seemed to be searching Yuuri’s face, trying to figure something out…

“I’m … sorry,” Yuuri managed to squeeze out, heart clenching painfully as he realise that Vikor was probably disappointed. Probably angry that Yuuri had run him around. “I’m sorry I caused you so much trouble…”

And Viktor’s face fell into a mask of confusion, brows knitting together as those piercing blue eyes continued to search Yuuri’s face. Despite the raucousness of the room, Yuuri couldn’t help but feel himself getting lost in them. Reminded of their first practice session at Minako’s studio…

And Viktor seemed to be about to say something, eyes fervent as he wet his lips, but a hand on Viktor’s shoulder had him turning around before he could speak.

“Congratulations, everyone!” a lilting voice cut across the crowd. Christophe Giacometti. He was about the same height as Viktor, leaning in to offer a knowing smile to Yuuri and Phichit as he joined their little circle at the front of the crowd, pressed close together.

“It’ll be nice to finally have some … fresh meat,” and Yuuri watched on in horror as Christophe licked his lips, eyes heavy-lidded. He seemed to be directing his flirting towards Phichit, who took it in his stride easily.

“I do hope you’re gentle with me,” and he laughed, light and easy. Of course. It was all so easy for him. For everyone.

Yuuri found himself running down the list again, taking in every name and feeling his heart stutter uncomfortably in his chest when he saw his own name nestled among them. He knew them all – all accomplished musicians. All ridiculously talented. All self-assured and socially confident and…

“Let’s get a drink to celebrate!” Christophe exclaimed, wrapping an arm effortlessly around Viktor’s shoulder.

Oh.

Oh.

Yuuri took in the gesture and felt a strange twist in his gut.

“Yes!” Phichit jumped on the spot, pumping his fist and letting out another giggle of excitement. Yuuri reached for Phichit’s sleeve, tugging ever so slightly to get his attention. No. Not drinking…

Phichit seemed to notice, chewing on his lower lip and leaning in to try and speak with him in confidence.

“Come on, Yuuri,” Phichit whispered behind his hand, making eyes at him that made Yuuri feel guilty and angry and... “I know you’re freaking out right now but trust me. This will do you the world of good,” and before Yuuri could protest, Phichit suddenly creased his brow and gave him a pleading look, eyes darting back to Christophe pointedly, who was now chatting away with a few of the other members who had gathered around them.

Yuuri took the hint. Phichit had had a crush on Chris for as long as Yuuri had had a crush on Viktor. Of course, Phichit would want to take up the opportunity to go out drinking with him.

In the whirl of emotions and shock and terror that started to simmer just under Yuuri’s skin, Yuuri found himself helpless when he saw Phichit’s expression. When he turned and saw Viktor’s expression, wrapped in Chris’ arms and gazing after him…

Hopefully?

“Oh do come, Yuuri,” Viktor said gently, eyes warm, mouth set in a soft smile. “At least let me buy you a drink to apologise.”

Yuuri furrowed his brow and moved to speak; “Apologise?” But the words were lost as his voice broke and Chris let loose a loud laugh. There was another tall man with a trumpet case in hand – Jean-Jaques, Yuuri distantly recalled – talking with him. Was he coming too?

Yuuri felt like he was drowning. Everyone wanted to celebrate. All smiles and laughter and loud, loud, loud.

And between Phichit’s desperate puppy dog eyes and Viktor’s piercing blue stare, Yuuri found himself nodding, though everything screamed at him to run.

[theinvisibletree]

The Performance

The day her grandmother was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer, Judith lost her journal. It was a black notebook with a soft cover and ivory-colored pages. After Judith searched in every place – her grandmother’s house, the drawers next to the hospital bed, the practice room at her college, and the cashier counter from the restaurant where she worked part time – she eventually accepted the fact that the notebook is nowhere to be found. When she told that to her grandmother, she saw a smile on her grandmother’s face: “Don’t worry, Jude. I will get you another one.”

It all started two months ago when Judith received a call from grandmother. She hung up the phone and arrived home overnight. “Jude,” said her grandmother on the phone, “I can’t get off from the bed.” They went to the hospital. It hurts Judith to watch her grandmother being surrounded by different medical appliances. She was told that at this stage surgery is not an option, and chemotherapy will be needed. The night after Judith took her grandmother home, she figured out what she needs to do. The next day she did not return to college. Instead, she applied for a full-time job at the grocery store nearby. She was told that she can start as soon as possible. In the afternoon she sat with her grandmother, posting pictures of the family piano online, selling it for five thousand dollars. In the evening she sent emails to all the instructors who taught her this semester. It was not before long that she received a message from Professor Lebedinsky, scheduling an in-person meeting in his dean’s office. Judith went in the second day. Before she sat down, she received this straightforward question from him:

“Give me one reason that you want to drop out of college.”

“I cannot afford studying music anymore.” She replied. Professor Lebedinsky then asked, if this is about paying for her tuition, and there will be an on-campus audition for piano department next week, a full scholarship.

“It is not about scholarship, Professor.” Judith said. “I don’t see another way around this. I need the money from my tuition for some urgent use.”

“Which is more important than your degree?”

“Yes.”

Professor Lebedinsky stopped asking more questions. Judith remained seated and looked away, waiting for him to approve. On the office table next to the laptop there was a miniature bust of Schubert. The miniature was nicely sculpted that Judith could see the wrinkles flowing on the cravat. Soon she would be working at the grocery store, stocking inventories and checking out customer purchases, and no one would be talking about Schubert anymore.

“Alright.” He spoke finally, “Talk to the counselor. The procedure usually takes about a month.” While exiting the office, Judith saw him taking off his glasses, looking tired.

The whole process was easier than what Judith had imagined. Very soon she will have her tuition refunded to her to cover the cost of chemotherapy for now. But she can’t take any rest. Once she starts working full time she will not be able to take care of her grandmother during the day. She needs to consider the expenses of a nursing home. Working at the restaurant on weekends would help, but she needs more. Judith realized she needs to keep this one job that she was about to turn down.

It was the first on-campus recital Judith performed as a sophomore. Normally students would apply in their junior years, but Professor Lebedinsky was sure that Judith is ready. Before the recital starts, Judith saw an old man sitting in the first row of the audience, arriving much earlier than faculties. “That is Mr. Henderson. He has sponsored a few scholarships.” A senior student told her. Judith had heard of him. In fact, all her classmates are overawed by Mr. Henderson due to his austere disposition. There was this hearsay about him that when he used to teach at the Juilliard, he would interrupt the performance of any students in the middle of their exam and leave the room, should they have not practiced well. Therefore, it was quite out of Judith’s expectation when she saw Mr. Henderson slowly walking towards her after the recital, asking her if she would like to play for him some time in his house. “Don’t go, Jude. You don’t want to be sad on a Friday evening.” Her dormmate said half-jokingly, but Judith went regardless. It’s a part-time job well paid. Plus, she got to play the grand Steinway, a truly beautiful instrument. Judith went, and she kept going. Now she has been playing for Mr. Henderson for an entire year. But today she was afraid to play for him. She has not been practicing at all these days. It would be better if she turned down his generous offer, instead of the other way around. Yet she wanted to give it a try, to see if she could keep the job. While still struggling, Judith found herself on the subway heading to Mr. Henderson’s place.

The commute is about 30 mins. Judith sat down at the window seat. She failed to stay alert but fell asleep. She had a dream about meeting her mother: She was seven, in her grandmother’s house, holding in her arm a hedgehog plush. There was a beautiful lady dressed in red standing in the hallway, talking to her grandmother. In the realm of Judith’s dream the lady was wearing a white draped cloth covering her face, like the female lover in René Magritte’s painting. The lady finished talking, turned to Judith for a second, then opened the front door and left the house. Judith discovered that her grandmother was crying. “Go back to your room, Jude.” She smiled at Judith, “Under your bed there is something for you. I hope you like it.” Judith unwrapped the gift. It was a small black notebook. On the first page it says: “Happy Birthday Jude. With Love, Grandma.” Then Judith woke up. She checked her surroundings and realized that she had missed her station – She was supposed to get off 20 minutes ago. She grabbed her score book and quickly rushed off at the next stop. By the time she reached Mr. Henderson’s house, she was late for an hour.

“You were not on time. Not even close.” Said Mr. Henderson sternly, “I hope you are aware of that.”

“I am very sorry.” Judith followed Mr. Henderson into the house, biting her lips a little.

In the middle of the living room lies the grand piano. Judith put up her score book on the music shelf and adjusted her stool. She is playing Beethoven tonight. The first note she played she sensed something different. She is losing her dexterity with the keyboard. The touch of her fingers felt sloppy no matter how much she tried, and she forgot how she used to apply her fingerings. The way she used the extension petal sounded muddy, and she started hitting the wrong note, one after another. The piano became a wuthering monster tonight, and the sonata she is playing turned into an unwinding labyrinth from which she couldn’t escape. In the end Judith stopped playing, without finishing the third movement. Sitting in a complete silence, she wished she had never come here tonight.

Mr. Henderson sat still. Behind his glasses Judith saw his expression, so austere that she couldn’t take it but look away. The silence lasted for 30 seconds, or maybe longer. Judith couldn’t tell. Eventually Mr. Henderson spoke:

“Tell me, what happened exactly?”  

“I…… I have not been practicing lately. I am very sorry, Mr. Henderson.”

“That is not what I meant,” He leaned forward, putting the weight of his hands on his legs, fixing his eyes on Judith. Judith felt cold as if she was walking barefoot in the snow. “I mean, what happened to you?”

Judith could not move. She did not know how to reply without embarrassing herself. What was she thinking, really, coming here tonight? This is not a job that she qualifies anymore. She opened her mouth but couldn’t say a word. Mr. Henderson continued:

“The performance. We both know that it was not the best you can do tonight, and I want to know why. I use to like your performances. All of them. You were very talented, and hardworking. But tonight I saw a talented student losing it, and I could not pretend that I didn’t see it. I want to know what happened to you, and why you are giving up.”

Judith felt frozen as if she was thrown into a river in early January. She sat in silence, while Mr. Henderson staring at her with a strict look. She heard her own voice from a distance:

“I…… I don’t want to play music anymore.”

Suddenly she started talking nonstop.

“I am sorry, Mr. Henderson. I should have talked to you. I can’t play for you anymore. I can’t afford studying music. I need to start making a living right now. I must. I am not good enough for a concert for now. I must figure out something else. I sold my grandmother’s piano, I am going to be working at a grocery store, and I am going to drop out of college. The tuition refund will cover for some medical bills, otherwise I cannot afford chemotherapy for my grandmother. My grandmother,” Judith took a deep breath, “She is not doing well. She is dying, I can feel it. She raised me up and she is all I’ve got.” Judith found herself impossible to go on. Tears fell on her hands. She covered her face and cried silently.

Mr. Henderson listened quietly without saying a word. When Judith stopped talking, he stood up from his chair. “Stay here.” He told Judith. Then he turned around and walked to his study. When he returned he brought a soft towel, a black pen, and a file folder. He gave the towel to Judith and asked her:

“How much do you need for chemotherapy?”

“Ten grand.”

Mr. Henderson took out the checkbook from his folder. After he finished writing, he gave Judith the check:

“Here is twenty grand.”

Judith couldn’t believe what had just happened.

“I don’t know what to say, Mr. Henderson. That is too much.” She paused, “Thank you. But I can’t take it. I don’t see a way that I can pay you back.”

Mr. Henderson gazed at Judith with a serious look.

“I want you to take it, young lady.” He continued, “And reconsider your decision. I have sponsored a lot of talented students, and I will do the same for you now. I hope you will decide to finish your school. And I hope you will buy the piano back.” He paused, looking at Judith’s score book, “And remember, no matter what,” He sounds firm, “Never stop playing.”

With Mr. Henderson’s support, Judith continued her school. Ten months later, she arrived at Professor Lebedinsky’s office, discussing details about her first concert, and asking him if she could reserve two seats. When she was about to leave, Professor Lebedinsky called her. “Almost forgot. I think this is yours.” He took out a notebook from his top drawer. Judith recognized it immediately. The black journal she lost is returning to her. She opened it and saw the familiar signature: “With Love, Grandma.” On her way to the subway station she stopped shortly at the graveyard. She put down a dozen of white roses on her grandmother’s tombstone, together with one of the tickets she just reserved from Professor Lebedinsky. The other seat is saved for Mr. Henderson. She wanted to deliver the ticket to him by herself. The sun shines upon the grass. The winter has passed, and spring is here.

1.24.2021 – 1.27.2021

[mage-cat]

Stories and Games

Happy Amedot day! I present a sequel to Braids, featuring Peridot gifting Amethyst with Li’l Butler fanfic and the two of them visiting the arcade. It is shameless fluff, that I enjoyed writing tremendously.

Story is below the cut and the link to the AO3 version is through here.

“Amethyst!” Peridot called out as the two Gems came in sight of each other roughly halfway between the Barn and the nearest warp pad. “I was just on my way to the Temple to see you. I have something for you.” She clutched a bright purple folder to her chest. “I was thinking about some of the things you said you wish the writers of Li'l Butler had done with Tiffany Richington's character and ended up writing it out into a story I thought you might like.” She held out the folder and Amethyst took it.

“Since when do you write stories?” she asked as she began to leaf through the dozen or so pages inside.

“It started with posting Camp Pining Hearts analysis on the internet. Further investigation of the Campers community made it clear to me that my ideas could find a wider audience if I worked it into fanfiction. I've been doing it for a few months now. I think some of my commenters suspect that I'm not human. They keep asking me if I ever sleep.”

Amethyst snorted out a small laugh. “Well, there's no way I'm gonna wait to read this,” she said as she settled under a nearby tree.

It was a sort of spinoff plot based on what Amethyst had admitted was one of her favorite episodes, the one where the daughters of the Money and Richington families had to take a cooking class. The jokes in the episode were mostly just the standard 'cooking for the first time' sitcom hijinks, but by the end, Tiffany Richington had really gotten into the spirit of things, experimenting with the ingredients in some actually creative ways. It echoed how Amethyst enjoyed eating in a way that few things did, and she had been a bit bummed that they hadn't turned that into a recurring character trait to milk jokes out of.

Peridot had written about Tiffany going to a culinary summer camp. The setting probably had allowed Peridot to reuse some details from Camp Pining Hearts stories, but since Amethyst had only seen bits and pieces of the show, she wasn't sure how much. It didn't matter anyway. It was a story about Tiffany enjoying herself to an extant her uptight family rarely allowed her, about discovering new tastes and textures, and about shaping something new for the sheer pleasure of it. It said almost everything Amethyst had ever felt about food and everything she had wanted for Tiffany's character and a few things she hadn't realized she had wanted for her. There wasn't much in the way of Li'l Butler gag-style humor, but Peridot's quirky world-view threaded its way though the whole thing, making Amethyst chuckle regularly.

Peridot kept a close eye on Amethyst's expression as she read. What she saw was encouraging. “So you like it?”

“Like it?” She looked up from the last page with an ear-to-ear grin. “Peri, this is perfect. I love it!”

“Perfect.” Peridot repeated the word softly, as if tasting it, before her head jerked. “Oh, in all my excitement, I just realized I must have derailed you. Were you heading to the Barn for anything specific?”

Amethyst's smile turned sheepish as she fiddled with the folder. “Um... yeah... I was... was wondering if you might wanna go to the arcade with me.”

“Is this a date?” Peridot asked matter-of-factly. When Amethyst's eyes went wide, she continued in the same tone. “I only ask because Lapis is starting to threaten that, I quote, 'If you two keep up is mutual pining thing much longer, I am going to give you a cold shower every time you mention her name.' I ran some calculations. Spending that much time with my hair dripping would get annoying quickly.”

“You talk about me that much?”

“Of course, you're a fascinating gemetic study.”

Amethyst looked skeptical at the clinical phrasing. “Because I'm defective?”

Peridot's tone turned earnest as she began to gesture broadly. “Because you defy the standards for Quartz soldiers to be a standard all your own, one that I in many ways find to be superior to the standards I was taught to identify in my Kindergartener training.”

Amethyst remembered the times she had seen Peridot try to lie. There are people who can fake sincerity. Peridot wasn't one of them. Amethyst smiled as she realized that Peridot really meant what she said. “Yes. Yes, I'm asking you out on a date.”

Peridot began to mutter, moving as if heading back to the Barn. “I understand that first dates are intended to be special occasions. Extra attention paid to grooming, gifts given...”

Amethyst took Peridot's hand, breaking her line of thought. “Yo, Peri-mour, we can have a date like that later. I promise. Today, I just want to hang out with my favorite nerd and maybe show her how to play skee-ball. You cool with that?”

Her face lit up. “That is an acceptable first official date.”

After a quick stop at the Temple to leave the folder in a safe place, Amethyst and Peridot soon found themselves in front of the arcade's skee-ball setup. “I actually stink at this game most of the time,” Amethyst said, “'cause I get frustrated, which makes my problems worse, but I think you'll be good at it. It isn't about throwing the ball hard. You have to throw it just hard enough and let go at just the right time. It's precise, like a lot of the stuff you rule at.” Amethyst tossed her ball so that it rolled up the incline, hit the ball-hop, and landed in the twenty point ring. She shrugged. “Like I said, I'm not great at it, but even a pretty lousy throw gets you ten points.”

“Could you help guide my first few throws?” Peridot asked, grinning.

Once Amethyst realized what she meant, she chuckled as she stepped behind Peridot to take her right hand, already holding the ball, in her own. “You have watched way too much cheesy romance, but I gotta say, I think I kinda dig it.” With her chin on Peridot's shoulder, she could smell her hair. It reminded Amethyst of the time she had spent a half hour putting CDs in a microwave to watch lighting spark off of them, a mix of metal, plastic, and the ozone left over from the light show. This may have been part of the reason why their first two throws barely made it up the ball-hop. Their third finally made it into the thirty point ring.

“I'm pretty sure you'll do better than this on your own,” Amethyst half-joked.

“I'll admit, if we had this much co-ordination in the three-legged race, we would have fallen over pretty quickly.” As Amethyst returned to her lane, Peridot continued, “I don't know why you act like you're so bad at control though. I mean, back when you all were trying to capture me, you managed to wrap me with your whip on multiple occasions without ever actually hurting me. I'm pretty sure that's not easy.”

“That's different. My whip is a part of me. These balls aren't.”

“Just because you have a talent for something, because it's a part of you, doesn't make the way you use it any less remarkable. I mean, I once saw you shape-sift into a fully functioning helicopter capable of carrying three people. That is an intense level of control over your physical form.”

“I mostly shape-shift for gags,” Amethyst said as her tossed one of her balls.

“And for most of my time on Earth, I've used my engineering skills to make art projects and gadgets of marginal practical utility. Does that make the work I did on the drill less important?”

Amethyst kept her eyes on the rings at the end of her lane as she continued her game, though her vision wasn't really focused on them. “Come on, you can't compare my shape-shifting to something that literally saved the planet.”

Peridot played through her own game as she continued, “I've been on this team for less then a year and have witnessed or been told of several plans that hinged on your shape-shifting. I think the comparison is fair. If Pearl and Garnet don't see the value in that, then they're bigger clods than I ever thought.” Her last ball sailed into the highest ring. “Fifty points! Woohoo!” She tapped Amethyst on the shoulder and pointed to the other Gem's score. “Oh and while you were distracted with disparaging yourself, you landed four balls out of that nine-ball set in the fifty point ring yourself.”

A half-dozen rounds of skee-ball later, they moved on to the rest of the arcade. Peridot really got into the spirit of Road Killer and said that the mechanics of Teen of Rage warranted further analysis. They both proved laughably terrible at Meat Beat Mania. In the end, they traded all their tickets for an equal value of slide whistles because Peridot said they inspired her for a new project idea. It came to enough whistles that they had to split the load between them to carry it all back to the Barn.

They were nearly there when Peridot's steps began to slow, then stop, with Amethyst beside her. “I know you said that this date wasn't following most of the formal structures, but,” she hesitated, “I understand that it's typical for dates to end with a kiss. I've sort of have been looking forward to trying that with you.”

“Have you ever kissed anyone before?”

“Camp Pining Hearts was my introduction to the concept, and it's not like there has been anyone else I would want to try it with. Have you?”

“I've gotten some practice in.” Mostly Vidalia along with the rare concert-goer that didn't mind that they towered a foot or two over the girl hitting on them.

“I'd like to learn from you.”

Amethyst thought that Peridot probably hadn't imagined their first kiss involving them both carrying an armload of slide whistles, but maybe it was a good thing. It left what to do with their hands for a second lesson. She leaned forward and kissed her, slow and sweet, enjoying how her metal and ozone smell translated to the taste of her lips along with a trace of something mint-flavored. Peridot, always a quick study, soon returned the kiss.

When they separated, Peridot looked slightly dazed as she said, “Wow, thanks.”

“You can thank me by returning the favor sometime.”

“You won't have to wait long for that, Ames.”

[ispyamoose]

I was labeled the “psycho ex-girlfriend” by two different guys. Here’s my side.

For the sake of transparency, names used will be altered.

I dated Guy #1 on and off from 2005 to 2007. We’ll call him Andrew. We’d been friends since 2000 because we were in band together. Middle school brought us together as friends and then high school we still hung out regularly. My teen years were hell and he was a great friend through all of it, though very detached as a person. I was sexually assaulted by two different people, when I was 12 and then at 14. I’d had a thing for Andrew on and off for probably about 3 years before we actually started dating. I was honest about it and he was not comfortable with the idea of dating anyone. For the longest time he was very uncomfortable with sexuality in any way. I respected his wishes and we remained friends, since we still had a ton in common.

At some point he matured more and either became more knowledgeable or just grew up. He asked me out in August 2005 and I was thrilled. We were together for a few months but he broke it off. He thought we were too different romantically and had baggage he didn’t feel I should deal with. A couple months later, beginning of 2006, he asked me back, he felt that things were unfinished, and so did I. Things were going really well, but I developed feelings for someone else and so this time I broke it off. It wasn’t fair to him at all and I’m not a cheater. This was April 2006.

Fast forward 8 months, to the end of 2006. We were very close again, and we spent a great New Year’s Eve together. We hooked up (minus sex) and we talked nonstop when I went back to college. Spring break in 2007 I was back home, and we started dating again. I took his virginity and we were together. He couldn’t take the distance though, despite being a detached person who enjoyed his personal space. So he broke it off. 

I came home from school in May 2007 and we hooked up, this time with a LOT of sex. We were back together for maybe 3 months and finally, in the beginning of August 2007, we were done for good. We talked here and there, hung out once or twice, but we were better not together. I had body image issues and major self-esteem issues, and I’m sure I projected that onto him. He felt it was his duty to make me feel good about myself, but I never wanted that to be his responsibility. It was my job, but I had a terrible home environment so I had very few supportive people in my life to surround myself with. Nevertheless, I’m sure it became a burden for him.

Now we’re in 2008, and I’d had some heavy shit happen. I was dating a guy since the end of August 2007, and he happens to be Guy #2. We’ll call him Ernest. Through the end of 2007 and into 2008, things got really bad at home. It became a toxic, abusive environment and I wanted to be out of there as much as possible. I spent nearly all my time with Ernest. 

Despite using condoms and birth control, I became pregnant twice in 2008, and miscarried twice. The first one was because my stepmom pushed me. The second was because someone fell on me at a concert. My relationship became really controlling and abusive. Ernest would verbally abuse me, threaten to kill himself when I wanted to spend time with other people, and micromanage my every move. He never hit me, but anytime I tried to leave because he was scaring me or I felt my “fight or flight” instinct kick in, he would grab me by the wrist tightly and keep me there. He’d guilt trip me into keeping me there, saying I didn’t love him, that I was going to leave him. He was always paranoid that I was going to leave him. He hated the time I spent with friends without him and would threaten to hurt himself unless he could come or I could come see him. 

Throughout all this, I was still friends with Andrew, and Ernest knew it and was okay with it because we rarely hung out. Andrew and I still confided in each other, and I thought he could still be a confidant. So I told him about all the abuse at home and in my relationship, told him about my miscarriages, and I also had one of the men who sexually assaulted me following me around and threatening me, because he worked up the street from my father’s house and knew where I lived. So I told Andrew about these things, and he was very encouraging and kind. I know it may have been weird to discuss these things with an ex, but it was a mutual separation and we’d been friends for 8 years by that point. He’d discussed his home life and personal issues as well, that it didn’t matter at all. Or so I thought.

One day in June 2008, I Googled my AIM screen name because I was looking for my old AOL Hometown page from like 2001, because I had pictures on there I wanted and I was hoping it still existed. Instead, I found a website titled, “Rachel, or as I prefer to call it, ‘Conversations With A Psycho Ex-Girlfriend’”. On this website is pages, FOLDERS of these private conversations we had. My AIM screen name was readily available and my identity was revealed to mutual friends we had, that I still associated with. These conversations detailed the abuse I was dealing with between my home life and relationship, miscarriages, and other deeply personal information. In between these lines of IM conversation, he narrated bits of information about how I lied about everything, and how I was so overly dramatic. He cut down every line of text I had written, and made me out to be a pathological liar. By the time I found it and called him requesting he take it down, it had apparently been up for months and he just kept adding to it. He took it down and sent me the archive, laughing and sneering the entire time. I removed him from all social media and cut him off completely.

Now back to Ernest. I was smack dab in the middle of an abusive relationship and I had no idea. All I knew at the time was I was growing more and more depressed and felt trapped in my situation. I loved him and didn’t want to make him upset. I was so blind to the abuse at the time, but I had friends questioning the fact that I was spending every minute with him and ditching them for him, though they didn’t know why. I was back to self-harm and tried to take my own life but nobody knew. He experienced my self-harm but he didn’t know I tried killing myself. The relationship had gotten that bad and I knew if I’d let on he would be triggered. When he saw I was self-harming, he was self-harming too out of “guilt”. I saw what was happening to myself and put myself in check. I didn’t want to die, I didn’t want to keep hurting.

I was out of school at this point, he made me come back home to Jersey from New Hampshire where I’d been going to school in the middle of the spring semester in 2008. So I left that school and enrolled in a state school. I began again September 2008, and our relationship was finally much better. My mental health was in check, his was as well because he was back in school also, and there was distance but not much since I was only an hour away. He was still micro-managing me, however. He demanded all of my time, even if I was in class and he was as well. But he finally wasn’t self-harming or threatening suicide. 

Then, for Halloween weekend, my best friend drove to visit me at school. She came of her own accord, made all the plans, was paying for everything for me since I was broke, and was driving herself down. Ernest wanted to come too, but my best friend messaged him explaining it was going to be a girls’ weekend. She hadn’t seen me since I left for school, whereas he’d seen me a few weeks prior when he was visiting potential colleges. He was pissed at first because he was insisting on riding with her, but then his parents wouldn’t let him go. Then he backed up from the situation and agreed he was being unreasonable, and things were fine. Then, however, on Halloween itself, he broke up with me. Ernest said that Toni was controlling me and my every decision and it was interfering with our relationship. He turned around and made me out to be psychotic. 

Did I have issues? Yes, absolutely. But I got help, put myself in check, and learned from my relationship with Andrew to not project that onto him. It was not his job to fix me. Not to mention Ernest caused most of the issues I was having! I was so happy to be rid of him. I did so much better after that.

[lanashellrey-blog]

Home

Being home is bad nostalgia. I hate driving by the places we’d go, the places we’d share laughs, the places we’d eat. I hate missing my friends. I hate feeling lonely in my own hometown.

On Thursday, I woke up to a message from him saying he was upset. He’d had a bad day. He cried in the dining hall. I called him immediately. He was laughing again. We were telling jokes. After that, he and I talked all day long. We talked on the phone. I felt happy. I didn’t eat a single thing. My stomach felt like it could explode all day. I laid in bed. I slept, but I didn’t want to. I wanted to keep talking.

Mom came home that night and she came directly to my bedroom. She found me laying on my side in the same position that I had been all day. She told me to eat. Told me that I needed to give this up. That it was bad for me. I was cheating myself of happiness. He was deceiving me. I shouldn’t trust him anymore. I couldn’t live my life in fear of the next time. I sobbed. She left my room without giving me a hug.

I felt numb. My eyes were swollen. He was having a good day. He had taught. Gone to class. Shaved himself. He told me he’d had a breakdown but he’d felt better. He asked about me and I didn’t lie. I told him I’d been in bed all day, that I couldn’t move. I started throwing questions at him. I asked if he was lying to me, if he’d had a decision. I asked if he’d lied at all. I asked him how I should trust that he won’t change his mind on me again. I asked him what he thought of me. I asked him what will happen to us.

He told me he wasn’t lying. He told me he was still unsure. He said he’d never lied outside of this. He said he wants to be sure of his decision so he never has to be unsure again. He said he thought I was strong, resilient. He wanted me to be happy and healthy. He said he loved me more than the whole world. He wanted to keep me forever. He said that we can fix this.

For the first time, I felt like I was being honest with him, truly, fully. I said I didn’t know what would happen to us. I want to support him until the day I die. He went to sleep before he could reply.

Dad told me that I needed to advocate for myself, to not let people walk all over me. I had to get what I needed, not let people just tell me what I was going to do. You’re tired, he had said, get some sleep. Sleep came to me late, it was fleeting, and it almost made me more tired.

/

In the morning, Mom took me to the doctor. I filled out paperwork in a waiting room that was too big and smelled too clean. I was the first person there. Mom sat two seats away from me, like she was afraid my depression was contagious and didn’t want to catch it from me.

When it was my turn, I followed a woman to the back room and answered general questions about myself. Mom gave me a hug and left for work. Then a different woman in a different back room told me about my finances and insurance and all the things I didn’t understand. Finally, a social worker took me into a different back room and I told her everything.

I told her about my sleep and how I wasn’t getting any. I told her about my appetite and how I didn’t have one. I told her about how I had been feeling this way for seven years. The feeling never stopped for more than a few days. I was restless, had no motivation, no concentration, little to no hobbies. No passions. No, I wasn’t addicted to alcohol, but we shared a laugh over the concussion I got while I was drunk spring semester. I told her about him. She complimented the sticker on my water bottle from It’s Always Sunny In Philadelphia. She asked me about my friends and my schoolwork. In the strangest way, I felt connected to this woman. It was like she was already my friend and neither of us had known it until now.

The full consultation took over an hour, with me spending the most time in the social worker’s office answering general questions about myself. Sometimes crying. The social worker strongly recommended counseling as well as medication. Medication. The word rang in my ear like a fire alarm. I told her I would think about it. She took down my name to pair me with a counselor. Told me to seek counseling at my university. She gave me a folder and sent me on my way.

The walk home felt like it happened in an instant. My phone buzzed with more messages from him that I decided to ignore until I got home. I felt the cool breeze on my face, I squinted into the mid-morning sun kissing my face. There were no clouds. The weather felt different at home. I passed by Walmart, where my good friend Zach worked. I craned my neck and peered into the parking lot, looking for his bright blue car in its usual parking space. I remember how in summer, we’d go and visit him at work at night when it was busy. Harass him while he was stocking juices or wheeling around big carts with boxes. Help him push shopping carts in the parking lot. I wished that he were working right there, his face was always friendly, always happy to see you, always giving hugs and smiling. He could pick up my mood any day. But on this day, he wasn’t there.

When I got home, I opened up his messages to a multitude of different things. He said that he was hurt to hear me say that I wasn’t sure if our relationship would last. He wants to be there for me always. The future is scary. He’s angry at the universe for making him feel like this.

I tell him I’m angry, too. Neither of us deserve this. We deserved a normal life. I tell him I can’t live in uncertainty for my entire life, never knowing when we’ll do this again. I didn’t know what would happen to us if he went on. I wanted to trust him but I couldn’t. I tell him my heart is broken because I love him so much, more than anything in the world. I wanted to be with him forever. I’m angry. I’m guilty. I tell him I wish he would tell me he hates me and wants me to die. 

Everything is in a fog. I head upstairs. Lay down. Try not to cry. Instead, I sleep for three hours.

I woke up as I fell asleep, in a fog, dazed, disoriented.

/

Eight hours later, he replies. He says this makes him sad. He’s sorry that I’m so hurt. He says he likes who he is, but not who he is. He agrees that the universe played us in the wrong way. He urges me to trust him, to get all of my doubts out of my head and trust him. He is adamant that he will figure this out and that he will be sure and I should just trust him. He hopes he doesn’t have to change. He wishes he felt normal. He wishes that I didn’t feel like he should hate me.

I can tell he is pained by what I said. Blindly trusting him seems like the naive thing to do. I want to do it so, so badly. I’ve spent four whole years taking his hand and letting him show me the way to do whatever we would do. I know that ignoring feelings and misguided trust and going on our merry way is going to be the solution that makes me the happiest. But I know that it won’t be what makes him the happiest. And in the end, we’ll both suffer.

Dad takes me to eat. I get soup and bread. I eat it and feel like I ate a whole Thanksgiving dinner. I wish my eating habits could be normal again.

I tell him he needed to keep exploring his options. He agreed and said that other options put him at ease and took pressure off but he didn’t want to confuse people. I assured him that nobody needs an explanation. He agreed, and he agreed that he should do what he wants without owing anybody shit.

This seems like a good time to call him, so I do. We talk nothing of my day. We talk about him, how his day was. We don’t even get through talking about his whole day without getting sidetracked by other things. We’re laughing, talking about mutual friends, his roommate even jumps in to tell me a story that we both laugh about. He hangs up only when he’s outside of a concert that he has to go into.

For the first time in six whole days, the lump of anxiety and fear in my chest has gone away. I shower without crying. I talk to my mom and I feel emotion in my voice again. I breathe. Things seem like they’re looking up for some reason. I have no idea why.

He doesn’t answer me back for three and a half hours. When he does, I ask him more questions that I have. They’re about sex and his thoughts and feelings. His reply about sex isn’t surprising. His identity is. He thinks of his legs and nails, and his hair and clothes. I begin to feel dizzy again. I tell him to go to bed, but neither of us do.

He tells me he’s glad that he can talk about his feelings but he’s afraid of what I will think. I say I’m trying to be as honest with him as possible. This is hard, I say, because I’m trying to understand how he’s feeling and also reassure myself even though I know deep down that things will not be okay. He says they will be, they’ll just be hard for a while. I still can’t bring myself to blindly trust him.

I tell him what Mom said. I can tell he’s frustrated with me for telling her about our secret, and that I shouldn’t be sympathetic to her feelings, she doesn’t trust anybody. I’m torn. I tell him that I’ll try to trust him. Am I lying to him? I can’t tell.

His philosophy has always been to put feelings on the shelves, think later. Feel happy and forget your feelings. Blind optimism. I know that he is questioning if things will be okay between us too. But he will never say. He wants me to not question it too. He needs validation from me that things will be okay. But that validation is something that I can not give him right now. So he’s probably faking it.

/

I lift my head up from the pillow. I had been crying for a while. I know that I look absolutely terrible. My eyes are bloodshot. My face is blotchy and red. I look him dead in the face, my voice unwavering for the first time since this conversation began.

“So,” I say, my voice harsher than I intended. “Is this one of those times when it’s okay to lie to people to protect their feelings?”

His face doesn’t change. He swallows hard. “Yes.”

/

In the morning, I wake up and check his Reddit page for the millionth time. Today, there’s an update. Another comment on another post. That lump in my chest returns.