#and it is just. sad. i got a whiplash at first when her reaction to reading her parents logs wasnt negative but was one of admiration almost

[doctahchang]

he can't keep getting away with this

[suhkusa]

Osamu feels the text before he actually gets the chance to read it.

“What the fuck—” there’s a sudden hand on his shoulder.

“‘Samu, what the fuck did you do?”

Osamu is taken aback, but retorts. If anyone asks, Atsumu started it. 

“What the fuck do you mean?” One of Osamu’s hands grabs his brother's wrist, trying to pull his grip off.

Atsumu’s eyes are glaring into his own, “You know what you did,”

“If this is about Y/N, you had your chance and you fucked it up,”

Atsumu is pushing his twin into a nearby wall when he says, “That tweet was a lie, I was planning on fixing things with her. Why did you get in the way?”

“I got in the way? It wasn’t just the tweet, Atsumu. You know damn well. You started this with your stupid— truce,” Osamu’s pushing back. But his brother has always been the more athletic one.

“What truce?” a voice cuts through, and it’s yours.

The two of them freeze, still in their awkward position.

You’re stepping closer before you’re nudging Atsumu off Osamu. Osamu looked at his twin, and his facial expression definitely changed.

Atsumu really hasn’t seen you in a while, huh?

“What truce?” you repeat, but you sound more desperate, more demanding.

“It- It’s-” Atsumu begins to try to explain it, but it’s like the words don’t want to come out.

“Seriously? Am I just like a game to the two of you?” your voice is getting loud, but it’s straining. Like you’re hurt?

“I’m tired of this whiplash that both of you give me. You want me and then you don’t. You’re my friend and then you’re not. Can the two of you make up your mind?”

Osamu’s heart is shattering in his own chest. He never realized the weight of his actions until now. And as he glances at Atsumu beside him, he can tell he’s going through the same epiphany.

“I’ve tried, I really tried. You guys distanced yourselves from me after high school and for what? Some quick fucks and attention from girls?”

“You don’t know shit, Y/N,” Atsumu is the first one out of the two to finally speak. 

“What? What could I possibly not know?”

“That we both fucking like you!”

Osamu feels his own eyes widen along with yours. The shocked reaction doesn’t stop his brother.

“We’ve both liked you for god who knows how long, and we forced ourselves to try and stop,” he looks to Osamu, “but we both know how that went,”

“Stop criticizing me— and ‘Samu, for that matter, when you don’t know how it feels to give up someone you love for someone else that you love,” 

Osamu is still silent. He feels like he should say something, but he doesn’t. He can’t. His twin brother has said enough.

And in the end, Osamu still never got to confess.

Everything is silent. Atsumu is angry, you’re sad. Osamu doesn’t know what he is. Maybe conflicted?

It feels like everything just got way more complicated than it needed to be. Atsumu’s face drops before he runs a hand over his face and through his hair. He sighs before walking off. Osamu doesn’t know where Atsumu’s going. He doesn’t really care either.

His eyes then meet yours. Yours are glossed over. Like you want to cry, but you hold it back. He wants to reach out to you. 

But Osamu Miya is a coward. And he doesn’t say a word as you stalk off in the opposite direction.

BOTH AIN’T SH!T — EPIPHANY

PREV | MASTERLIST

CHOOSE YOUR ROUTE. ATSUMU | OSAMU

NOTES.

surprise!!! you get to choose your twin lol

congrats on finishing main story!

© all writings belongs to suhkusa 2024. do not repost or change.

[uswnt-imagines]

Accidents

Reader gets in a bad car accident and the team freaks out. Does the gif match the vibe? Absolutely not.

“Okay. Yes, I’ll let them know. Keep me updated.”

Vlatko sighed as he hung up the phone. He had no idea how he was going to break this to the team.

The team sat in the conference room as they waited for the meeting to start. Sam Mewis, who sat next to Rose Lavelle, looked around, noticing they were missing someone. "Hey guys, where's Y/N?" Everyone stopped their conversations. Kelley spoke up. "She's probably running late. As usual. Kid can't keep track of time."

As the words left the defender's mouth, Vlatko walked in the room, looking sad. The girls immediately picked up on this. Alex spoke up. "Uh, Vlatko, you wouldn't happen to know where Y/N is do you?"

The look on the man's face told the story. "Y/N couldn't make it to this camp." The team looked at him in shock. "What do you mean she couldn't make it? It's all she was talking about." That was Christen Press. She had taken Y/N under her wing when she signed for Angel City. Her and Tobin became her adopted moms since her parents weren't present in the girl's life.

Vlatko cleared his throat. "Y/N is in the hospital. In a coma." It was so silent, a pin could drop. "What do you mean in a coma? I just talked to her yesterday morning!" Mal Pugh (aka Y/N's adopted sister) yelled. The man sighed.

"She was in a car accident."

To say the hospital workers were overwhelmed was an understatement.

A couple of hours ago, there was a bad car accident, which led to the nurses finding out they had a USWNT superstar on their hands. Following that, hundreds of paparazzi swarmed the outside of the hospital. The stressed nurses had called almost every police department to come help. But the biggest cop couldn't stop the storm that was coming their way.

The nurse sitting at the front desk popped an aspirin as the doors slammed open. 22 angry, worried women stormed in, heading right towards her desk.

"Where is she!?" The woman's eyes went wide at the sight of an angry Christen Press. "Excuse me ma'am, please calm down, I'll have a doctor come talk to you shortly, Y/N is still getting moved."

The words silenced the hoard of women. The woman sighed internally as they all dispersed and sat down in silence.

After what felt like hours, a doctor emerged from the doors. "Y/N Y/L/N?" The team shot up from their seats and swarmed the man. Questions were shot at him left and right.

"What happened?"

"Is she okay?"

"Where's the ass who hit her?"

The doctor chuckled at the reaction of the women. "Yes. I will answer all of your questions. Please take a seat."

The team sat with bated breath, waiting for the doctor to speak.

"Now, Y/N was brought to us after a drunk driver hit her car. The car hit the drivers side, where you friend was sitting, so she took most of the hit."

Christen grabbed Tobin's hand, squeezing for support.

"She suffered 8 broken ribs, her radius in her left arm was shattered, her leg got pinned and shattered, the surgery on that went very well. She has a severe case of whiplash so we are going to keep an eye on her neck, luckily, no spinal injuries that are too bad, there's some swelling but nothing to worry about yet. As we told your coach, we currently have her in a medically induced coma because of slight swelling in her brain. We are keeping an eye on that as well. She is expected to make a full recovery, but it is going to be hard."

The team all sat in silence, letting the man's words wash over them.

A sniffle was heard, which set everyone off. Tears fell from 22 pairs of eyes as reality set in.

Y/N was never going to be the same.

The doctor informed the women that the room Y/N was in was big enough to accommodate everyone as he lead them to where they settled the girl.

He stopped outside of the door. "I do have to warn you, she is pretty banged up so it's gonna be hard to look at her at first. But she's going to be okay. I can tell by how you burst into the ER that she was in good hands."

The women thanked him as he opened the door, revealing their teammate.

Y/N looked so small with all the wires and machines hooked up to her. Ali turned and buried her head in Ashlyn's chest, the taller woman wrapping her arms around her wife tightly.

Christen was beside herself. Her sunshine was hurt and there was nothing she could do about it. Her and Tobin stood next to Y/N's bed.

"Hey baby. We're all here. We just need you to wake up so we can take care of our sunshine girl okay? You wake up when you're ready. No rush."

All the girls spread out in the room, all ready to spring up just in case. After getting comfortable, sleep enveloped the team.

Excessive beeping woke the girls up as Christen and Tobin shot up and flanked Y/N's bedside. The girl was now awake and her eyes were full of fear as she tried to tear the tube out of her throat. Christen gently grabbed her hands and held them tightly.

"Hang on baby. A nurse is coming and then we can get that tube out okay?" Y/N nodded with tears in her eyes.

After a nurse came in and took the tube out, Y/N hacked violently. Mal stood with a small cup of water, gently tipping the cup back so Y/N could drink.

The team all stood around Y/N's bed. The girl's eyes filled with happy tears. "You're all here." Alex smiled. "Of course bub. We wouldn't wanna be anywhere else." The girls nodded as Y/N looked at her adopted "family". Mal slipped into bed with Y/N gently guiding her head to her chest. "I'm so glad you're okay. I don't know what I would've done if you weren't." Y/N sniffled and nuzzled into Mal's chest.

Christen and Tobin wrapped their arms around the two girls. Pinoe sneakily took a picture of the group and posted it.

@m.rapinoe: Thank you everyone for the kind wishes and thoughts about our girl. She's awake and thriving. It's gonna be a long road, but she's got her family to guide her down it. We will see you guys soon.

Liked by: s.bird10, sophiabush, and 75,309 others

[stellareveriey]

My Positive Rambly Thoughts About The Our Wonderland Arc 5 Finale

(Spoilers for OW Arc 5,bad grammar,self-indulgent/personal thoughts -nothing crazy though!-)

Here are my thoughts on the Arc 5 Finale of Our Wonderland and the game as a whole! (This is long and very rambly as I was still processing everything that happened!)

the beginning of the end. I like the group of four’s interaction in the cabin. it was nice. poor iggy though,remembering what happened. gidget too (even though they caused it). gen and orlam remembered things too but were too caught up in arguing with each other lmao. good on gidget for breaking that up.

“don’t I…deserve to be warm?” yes! you absolutely do iggy! unfortunately I had to choose the neutral option since I think my game glitched out my progress and my affection was too low for everyone..(it’s fine I’ll make up for it later!) at least iggy realizes that he needs to focus on himself for once! good!

I can’t lie when the screen went dark and Iggy mentioned being wrapped in something hard,I thought it was because Bucks got him (I was wrong of course).

“good morning starshine! the earth says hello!” lmao I love genzou (/platonic).

I liked the shot of the door opening and everyone’s reaction to it. when I saw the monster I had no clue what it even was at first and denied the idea that it could be bucks out of bewilderment (oh how wrong I was…). “we don’t stay long after that.” yeah I wouldn’t either! genzou leaving his beanie as good luck was cute and bittersweet. not going to lie I was kinda frustrated when Iggy’s friends acted reluctant about Iggy having a weapon (he can’t have self defense?? and then he ended up saving them w/ a necklace anyway!).

the “defeat it” part caught me off guard (like a lot of things in this arc would/pos). the game is very good at creating a sense of dread! and then..there was that monster that I thought was crazy even for wonderland standards. the last way I thought arc 5 bucks would look,the monster design is incredible though and that roar is terrifying! the fight scene was very impressive! it’s cool how it’s so dynamic even just using sprites and effects! also THE OFW REFERENCE?! that’s awesome to see tied in the main game again!

Iggy’s hand being cut off while using the doll to reach bucks genuinely made me gasp (the sketchy artstyle of that scene looks nice though!). the screen going red after that is really effective for conveying pain and terror. the sight of his injured hand is brutal. seeing the flashback of the group as kids and bucks and Hunar being cute gave me the strongest emotional whiplash ever. i felt bad for Bucks getting called a monster by her friends,brothers,and even her husband later down the line. Her going from happy to miserable. Her saying she hates her life and breaking down.

“You’re not a monster,Bucks…So please just come home…” Her seeing Hunar in Iggy and hugging him was beautiful. And then…finding the tree. God. Saydie never deserved any of this. She was a baby. I can’t imagine how Carrot felt while drawing that,seeing it uncensored. That tree is the absolute worst. Iggy being seen as a vessel is so sad. Him getting his soul separated from his body was not something I expected at all.

The “Child Of Nihility” stage is my absolute favorite part of this arc and probably the entire game overall. It’s so bright and peaceful. Child Saydie is adorable. Seeing her reunite Iggy with his (younger) friends and himself was really heartwarming. I adore when a story has the main character talk with the younger version of themself in person. Side note: Child Genzou wishing he could see Iggy again was so sweet. The music starting up already made me emotional since I already recognized the song but the visuals and Saydie’s dialogue made even more so. Iggy breaking the 4th wall and making his own choice was remarkable!

Him cutting down the tree was both tragic and incredible. Seeing the creatures of Wonderland fade away too. Young Iggy’s wish of wanting his friends to be happy forever. Best animatic / cutscene in the whole game!

A younger Iggy seeing his childhood friends again in the forest felt like a fitting way for them to leave Wonderland behind. The Saydie doll speaking back and being kept makes me like she’s not fully gone which is bittersweet to me. This scene and the epilogue makes me think their lives got reset but I could be wrong.

The neutral end epilogue. Bucks and Hunar leaving their own wedding was funny and sweet. Good for them! Also Hunar is pretty in his dress! And the better reactions to things in childhood! Past Iggy apologizing for what he did! Letting Orlam sit with him! Being with Genzou in the hospital! It’s all so great! Everyone’s new futures too! Iggy even having a better connection with his friends and discovering himself! The epilogue even ends with a Our Cinderella tie in! I love it all! Beautiful!

Final thoughts. This arc and game was a emotional rollercoaster in the best way possible! Making me feel sadness,anger,joy,sympathy,and more! Everything is so well executed! Art,music,dialogue,story,all of it! I especially loved the animatic / cutscenes parts! Overall,this was an amazing way to end an amazing game. I’ve loved it since starting it in February 2023 to now :)! Through playing OW,I’ve even gotten my artistic motivation back and have been inspired to get back into storytelling/series making! For that,I thank you,Carrot! I hope to experience more of your work in the future (no pressure! you definitely deserve the break)! Have a great day and year! ❤️ @just-a-carrot

[cowboylikedean]

Haylor makes me so sad because she wrecked him… but she did so because he never realize she was actually as in if not more in love as he was. He couldn’t see a reality where he had her heart… he idolized her, true, but he probs also still was grasping with his own fame, and his own value as a person. In what universe would someone like her, older, wiser, and so pretty and famous would be so in love with him.

Their timing was the worst.

And yet also… is that a surprise. That he didn’t got the memo? Seeing all the reactions even from some haylors after hearing the vault songs were like wow, guess she really did love him…. For years there was an agreement of how much of an impact she had on him, but not as much of the impact he had on her… and it just breaks my heart when I think about it

i know. i knew that it meant something to her, and i said that for years. but i did always think that this hit him harder because it was his first love. but the truth is it fucking smashed and destroyed her, she was fucking broken. if you hold onto someone for years, and the hope that they'll get their shit together and love you the way you need, when they don't, it's going to crush you.

and yeah, it makes sense but that doesn't make it hurt less. and it wasn't all him and his not knowing how to deal with his fame, again, she was not a strong communicator either. so they both just couldn't deal right. and it ended up hurting them both so hard and bad and fucked them up for years.

i kinda think there's something to be said there that sums up to "ouch."

this story is tragic and beautiful and sad, and also gives you whiplash and spins you around confused about where you are and what just happened. her analogy to wonderland is perfect, I think.

[justallofmyfandoms]

Revenge is best served Small

Reader x Fred Weasley

Reader x George Weasley

NO TWINCEST!!

SMUT! SMUT! SMUT!

(Just to make this less awkward on all of us, yes I am clearly going through some stuff, and yes everyone enjoys what happens to them in this, even if it's reluctantly. Nothing unconsensual. 6,486 words)

[There’s a comment on this post that perfectly summarises it: “i have no idea what just happened to me all i know is that i will never be the same after reading this” so... read at your own risk my dudes, I am so sorry]

You slam a fist into the common room desk, glaring down at your potions homework with enough anger to perform the killing curse on it. Or maybe crucio would be better, just so the homework can suffer all the same pains it's inflicting on you.

A chair at the table scraps against the floor with someone plonking themselves on it. You look up to see Fred Weasley, leaning over the desk to stare down at your paper, "Having trouble with your potions essay?" He asks, evidently just to piss you off because it's pretty obvious you were.

"Bugger off, Weasley. We can't all pay zero attention during class and still get perfect grades" you focus back on your work, but not fast enough to miss Fred's shit eating grin.

"Still mad I got a better grade on our end of semester test?"

"No!" You snap back, perhaps a little too quickly. It made the ginger chuckle. You and the twins had been good friends since first year, but it infuriated you to no end every time they got a good grade, because you just knew it was all talent and no effort.

The twin crossed his arms and leant them on the table, scooting closer to you, "Not that I don't love the look of anger on your face, but why does it annoy you so much? You've been going on about this for six years"

"It doesn't matter, I just wanna get this stupid essay over with!" you complain, throwing your quill on the desk, "Where's your brother, anyway? He said he would help me."

Fred pats your head and sighs, "Ditched by your own boyfriend? There's tragic..." You knew he was just being a prick, Fred always did enjoyed teasing you, but you hadn't seen George all day. It was beginning to worry you. Besides, you two had made it a tradition to do your potions homework together ever since third year.

"He actually sent me here to apologise. He's at tonight's party up in Ravenclaw tower. The ol' sod's drunk a bit too much to help out I'm afraid"

You sit up and frown, the anger being pushed to the back of your mind out of newfound sadness, "Oh... he could have at least told me he was going to the party..."

Fred nods sympathetically, but eventually grins and scoots closer, "In the meantime, how about a deal?" You'll be getting whiplash from all these emotions. First anger, then hurt, and now Fred was making you highly suspicious. He has that expression he gets when dreaming up a crazy plan.

"If you help me with a little scheme I've concocted, I'll help you finish your essay" he continues since the only reaction you initially gave was a squint.

"What kind of scheme?"

He drums the table, bitting back a smile that might warn you off, "I've come up with a new product idea, but in order to make it, I need a very rare ingredient that can only be found in one place"

You sigh, resting your cheek against your raised fist, "Snape's supply closet..."

He points at you like in charades, "Exactly!"

"How do I know you'll actually help me? Making a deal with you is a bit like making a deal with the devil"

"We'll get the essay done tonight!" He declares, spinning the paper to face him, and picking up a nearby quill, "Then tomorrow, you'll help me get the potion"

After a fair amount of consideration, you nod, "Alright, deal!"

"Remind me again what the plan is?" You and Fred were stood in the women's bathroom on the first floor, a bathroom you generally tried to avoid as it was occupied by a particularly annoying ghost called Moaning Myrtle. She didn't seem to be revealing herself though, which you assumed had something to do with Fred teasing her about her nickname and the... other connotations "moaning" has.

Fred took a small vial from his trouser pocket. The contents were green and bubbling, "First, I'll drink this shrinking potion, then you'll take me in your robe pocket all the way to Snape's classroom and put me on the third shelf up next to his supply closet. I'll sneak in through the hole my brother and I drilled there years ago, grab the bottle and get out!"

"You mean you and George have done this before?" you asked, watching as he set the bottle down on the edge of the sink, taking off his robe to hang it over the cubicle wall

He turned back to watch him roll the sleeves of his shirt up to his elbows, "Yeah, every now and then if we need tough to find ingredients"

"And what exactly do I do?"

"Well, while I'm getting the bottle, you keep an ear out for Snape, then when I get out, you grab me and the bottle, put me in your robes and bring us back here so I can have my regrowth potion" he pulls another vial out of his pocket which is red and shiny.

"Sound good" you say, while he plonks the potion back into his pocket, and pops off the cork on the shrinking one.

"Bottoms up" he says, and downs the contents. The second he does, Fred begins to shrink! His clothes, thankfully, shrink down in size with him, until finally, he was no bigger than your pinky.

"Wow!" You exclaim, squatting down, "This is super dangerous. I could step on you."

"Please don't..." Fred mutters, his pitch the exact same despite his small size, just a bit quieter due to the distance and size of his mouth and all that. Damn, TV and movies have lied to you. A look of mild horror suddenly adorns Fred's face as he pulls something out from his trouser pocket. It's so small, you had trouble realising it was his regrowth potion, "Oh bugger! I forgot about that..."

You were tempted to lie down on your stomach and be as close as you could to eye level, but you doubted that would be very sanitary on the bathroom floor, "What's wrong?"

"I just realised I let the potion shrink with me! Now it won't work! It'll only grow me back to the size of a foot, if we're lucky"

"Speaking from experience?"

"Unfortunately." he shivers, "But it's okay, we'll just have to stop off at my room afterwards to get some more. I always make extra if I can afford to"

"Well that's good. Ready to go?"

"Absolutely" he held up his arms and you scooped him up like you would a wand. You got to your feet and were about to place him in your pocket when you noticed you still had your potions essay folded up inside. Fred had helped you finish it last night, the legend. Took you until 4 am to finish writing it.

You put him in your breast pocket instead, for fear that your robes might fly around too much and he might fall out, or that someone might bump into you and squash him. The breast pocket was at least hidden and safe. Besides, there were still two layers separating him from your actual boobs.

You opened the door and peaked your head through, checking to see if anybody was there. Nobody. Brilliant. Hurrying down the cobbled hallway, you B lined to the stairs leading down to the dungeons, and hurried to the classroom door. You and Fred had a free period right now, so that would explain why it seemed you and he were the only ones not in class. Despite how thankful you were for Fred's help, you wouldn't have skipped lessons to do this, it's risky enough as it is. Fast walking now, you peeped your head into Snape's office, where beyond it lay the door to his private stash.

"He better not come, Fred, or I'll squash you"

"Don't worry, he's in his lesson! Only got one potions teacher"

You thought this over and realised that yeah, there is only one... why the fuck do they only have one teacher for each subject? Do they get breaks? That's unlikely seeing as they have to teach all four houses in all seven years over the span of only five days a week. That's mental that is. Regardless, you would have the time to ponder this later, for now you had a potion to steal. You crept into Snape's office and shut the door, pulling out your wand and enchanting "Colloportus" to lock it behind you.

Fred really knew what he was talking about, because there were indeed shelves next to the closet door. The third one up was even covered with books, and when you grabbed Fred out from your pocket and plonked him on the shelf, he pointed to the dusty copy of 'The Moral Implications of Love Potions' and you took it out to reveal a hole behind it big enough for tiny Fred, “This looks like an interesting read..." you mutter, flipping over to read the blurb. There was a mini scoff, and by mini you mean it was produced by a mini person.

"Right, well, you have fun reading that, I'll search for the potion. Be back in a second" and he was off, disappearing through the hole. You sigh, fidgeting with anxiety at possibly getting caught. Doesn't make sense though, Snape is in class, he has no reason to come in here. When do lessons end anyway? You glance around for a clock but don't find any. Serves you right for not wearing a watch... would a watch even work at Hogwarts?

You flipped open the book and began reading a random page: Dr Eglantine proposed the following moral dilemma: if two people love each other but are too afraid to admit to one another, is it wrong for one of them to drug the other with love potion? Wizarding philosophers are torn on this issue, and when intercourse is involved, the grey area becomes even larger—

There was a loud bang from outside, which made your heart drop. You scurry over to the door, pressing your ear against the cool wood, holding your breathe in hopes of hearing better. The sound of students filled your ears, but not just a few students having a free period, but a whole herd of them. That could only mean one thing: class had ended... Oh fuck!

"Fred!" you cry out in the quietest panic you can muster, scurrying over to the hole, "Snape is coming."

"Almost... there!" Fred called between grunts, emerging with the bottle. You snatched it up, preparing to despose of it into your pocket when Fred raised a valid argument, "Don't put it in there! Snape will check your pockets when he finds you here!" He began downing his second potion, growing only to the size of a regular sized hand, "Damn"

"Oh, right" you scan your body for another hiding place, then the thought came to you. You shove the vial up your shirt and into your bra.

"Great, now me!" Fred exclaims, raising his arms up.

"I can't put you in my bra! You're too big, he'll see you!" You scoop him, holding his torso like a toothbrush.

He stares up at you in stunned confusion, "Really? That was what was wrong with that plan?"

You realised you ought to have said 'no you pervert I'm not letting you touch my boobs' but now wasn't the time to curse yourself for it. Your heart was hammering with fear, inspecting your body for somewhere to stash him. The doorknob rattled, and the sickeningly familiar tone of Snape's voice cursed that it was locked. Your time was up, there was only one thing for it! You pulled away the elastic of your skirt and stuck him down there,

“WOAH—!" He yelped, hair practically standing on end.

"Just hold onto the elastic along the outside and we should be fine!" You put him onto your outer right thigh, knowing full well that a pair of shorts and a pair of underwear and a whole thigh were separate him from... that.

"Alohamora!" the door swung open just as you were putting the book back, and there stood Snape, in all his emo glory. He froze, clearly having not expected to find anyone inside. Once the shock had left his system, he straightened up and glared at you, “What exactly do you think you are doing?" his nasally voice grilled, doing nothing good for your nerves, which were in absolute tatters at the moment.

"I was looking for you, w-when someone locked me in the class" you scramble, the lie just about the worst you could come up with. You had to remind yourself that Fred was on the outside of your thigh. Considering he was in your skirts at all, that was the most innocent position he could be in. All he had to do was hold on to the elastic of your shorts and you should be fine!

"Why?" he trudged further into the classroom.

"Why was I looking for you or why did someone lock me in the class—?"

"Why were you looking for me?" His booming voice told you that you were on thin ice.

"Ah yes, well, I... I was having trouble with the essay assigned for tomorrow, and thought maybe you could help me"

Snape closed the door and came to lean on his large desk, "Do you really expect me to believe that one of my students, who has never once asked a question in six years, is now asking a question?"

You frown, so suddenly insulted that you almost forgot about Fred on your leg, "Professor Snape, I ask questions all the time"

"Oh, how unmemorable you are then" he sneers, making you fume, "Regardless, I'm going to need to search your pockets"

You sighed, "Yes, sir"

He stalked over to you, holding out a hand for your robes. You pushed the sleeves off each shoulder, removing it, and dumped it into his palm. As he began to examine it, you felt Fred's shoes scrapping against your skin. It's as though he's trying desperately to find a foothold, no doubt still exhausted from having to push the bottle. If he falls, not only will you be caught, but Fred could get seriously injured!

Again, you knew what you had to do but hesitated to do it. As subtly as you could, you extended the elastic of your skirt, took Fred out, then plonked him into your shorts. His entire body went flush against yours, no doubt the skin tight shorts were crushing him. As long as there was no more risk of him falling... Hopefully it wasn't suffocating him though.

"If it's too tight, move" you hissed, keeping your eyes trained on Snape, who unfortunately heard you.

"What did you say?"

"I said—" you took a sharp breath, feeling Fred's back sink further into the fat of your thigh as he pushed away the area of fabric suffocating him, "If it's too tight, move" you repeated loudly for the two men in the room. "The pockets get a bit stuck sometimes so you have to jostle it around a bit" you added to give fake context to an instruction that wasn't even meant for Snape.

The shadowy teacher was evidently confused, but decided to ignore your outburst. Meanwhile, you could feel Fred inching along the front of your thighs, moving closer to your core. This was fine, as you didn't exactly want him to asphyxiate in your shorts, that would be a tragic way to go. You did hope, however, that he wouldn't overshoot his target, and fall into the abyss between the crotch and pant leg. Just as you had thought it, you felt the man slip. You gasped, pressing your legs a little closer together, enough for him to reach out and grab the first piece of fabric he could get his hands on. Unfortunately for the both of you, that piece of fabric were your panties. You wondered whether he knew what he was doing, when he began to scramble onto it, lying down flat onto the crotch like a hammock. Your question was quickly answered by the sensation of his arms sticking into your folds, and the subsequent wriggling of regret.

Sucking in a deep breath, you had to grip the nearby desk with all your might to stop a loud moan escaping your lips. Regardless of how bizarre and awful this situation was, having anything rub against your clit was an arousal waiting to happen. Poor guy must have though those were your shorts he grabbed before... You were just about to dig in and help, when Snape extended your robes back to you. You'd have to walk, with mini Fred mushed into you vagina, all the way to grab it. Praying he might forgive you one day, you stepped forward, effectively compromising Fred's escape, trapping him between your knickers and crack. Talk about getting stuck between a rock and a hard place.

"Very well, I will take a look at your homework" and he rounded the desk, unfurling the essay he had taken from your pocket and sitting down in preparation to help. You swallow, approaching the table as he skimmed through it. He paused for a moment to look up, "Well, sit down" he ordered.

Staring down at the chair, you gulped. Every time you sit down during class, the skin tight shorts you wear, under your Hogwarts skirt, ride up into your ass. Having that happen right now is about as undesirable as they come, "Um, I'd rather not, if that's alright with you"

He blinked and looked back down at your work, "Well anyway, the beginning of your essay seems promising." You smiled, that was the part you wrote by yourself. Just wait until he gets to the part Fred helped you with. There were things he told you on the topic that you swore you had never heard before, you'll look like such an expert! Speaking of, the unfortunate blighter had given up on his attempts to leave, probably worried that his efforts might be thwarted again by your moving thighs. He was now using his hands and knees to keep himself pushed away from you. If you thought about it hard enough, you could convince yourself Fred was just a bumpy pad with a tuft of hair on the end... that moved.

Alright now body, I know you're an animal that listens to its instincts more than its brain, but please don't respond the same way you usually do when something— anything is pressing against you. You thought to yourself. We are not creating any new weird kinks today, thank you very much. Besides, the poor guy is going through enough as it is.

"You think Felix Felicis was created by Felix Williams... and that it contains balm, angel's trumpet, bitter root, and a single strawberry cooked under a full moon" he looked up from your work, pinning you with an expression of cold unamusement.

He must be testing you. Fred's a prankster but he isn't a dick... most of the time. He wouldn't. He couldn't! "Yes...?"

"Your Wolfsbane... does it contain any other nonsense ingredients I should know about?"

You froze, as did the guy in your pants. He must have heard, and Merlin have mercy he was going to pay for what he'd done!

This was just like that incident in fourth year all over again! You were in the showers after a quidditch match and Fred snuck in and stole your clothes and towel. When you realised you would had to run butt fucking naked all the way to your room, you were absolutely furious. Fred was lounging in the common room, along with twenty or so other people, and they all watched as you went gunning for the stairs. George felt awful, having not known his brothers prank, and offered to obliviate anyone who talked about it. It was then you realised Fred could be kind of a dick, and George was the man for you.

Fascinated by just how much Fredrick Weasley had fucked you over yet again, you decided to plop down on the chair opposite Snape. The moment you did, the skin tight shorts became skin tight. Fred's entire body went flush against yours, sending a delicious zap up your spine that attempted to summon a moan you coughed back, “Sorry, I wasn't trying to insult you with my work... I got a friend to help and it seems he was just taking the piss" Fred was moving, his chest bumping and smoothing over your clit. You had to actively try not to squeeze your thighs around him to increase the pressure.

George had bought you a dildo once as a "joke" (he just wanted to watch you wank yourself off, the kinky bugger) and you had run it between your folds, but that pailed in comparison to this. This was far better. Fred is made up of so many intricate parts, each of them squirming against you. His legs, for example, were kneading the source of your arousal. His shoes were in there now, using it as a foothold to try and push his way out. It was heavenly.

"Now I might remember you, as the girl with a poor judge of character" Snape interjected, pulling you out of your sexual haze. If the context were different, you might have gotten mad, but you couldn't bring yourself to at the moment. Not while you were getting oh so sweet revenge on a certain someone, "Well, for starters, dragon bone isn't an ingredient in any of these, so we might as well cross that off the list—" he took his red ink and began marking your paper. His voice became a distant drone in the background as you disassociated once against, focusing on how Fred had began shimmying his way to freedom. If only you could quicken his pace. If only you could rock your hips and fuck yourself against him. You weren't available to move, but he certainly was.

Leaving the one hand there on the desk, to rest your chin against, the other snuck under the table and under the hem of your skirt and shorts. Your fingers hovered above him, a little unsure what to do, until the index finger took initiative and pressed down onto his back through the pants. If he wasn't mushed against you before, he sure as hell was now. His hands slap your folds, but you could feel his head angled up for air. He should be fine.

You experiment by pushing him up. There his chin is triggering the most sensitive nerves of your clit! You roll your hips to savour it, using your thumb to squash his head down and create a more prominent friction. The round nature of his face and bumps making up his features created the most delicious rub. You had to loop your feet behind the desk's legs in order to stop your thighs from crushing him. When he slaps you for air, you reluctantly moved your thumb and pushed his body down. Now his feet were teasing your entrance with the sensation of being filled. You sat down more firmly onto your chair to shove him deeper inside of you. You pushed him up again, then down, up, down, repeating the gesture while his limbs squirmed, awakening new flesh with every swipe. Your middle finger joined the index's perch on his back to pick up the pace. You bit your lip and sucked a deep breath through your nose to push down all the noises that were bubbling to the surface. The only thing that could have moulded you any better than Fred would have been a literal mould. Even then, it wouldn't have been nearly so fun to hump.

You were now rolling him against you in deep tight circles. Your hips were swaying in time, and as much as you wanted to use your whole hand to rub him madly against you, you thought Snape might notice your entire arm thrusting under the table. Unconsciously, your thighs tighten around him, sucking him almost up into you. You lull your head back and arch into him, sighing in bliss. When Snape looked up, you snapped your head back down and froze, biting your fist in order to stop yourself whining in disapproval.

"Does that make sense?"

"Yes sir" what on earth were you agreeing to? You hadn't the foggiest.

"Then don't waste my time with useless garbage like this again. If you haven't produced a coherent, serious essay by tomorrow, I'll be deducting twenty points from your house. Now go!" He pointed to the door.

You had half a mind to snap back, but thought: to hell with him! You had things that needed your immediate attention, and no hooked nose, greasy hair, middle aged virgin was going to ruin that for you! “Very well, thank you sir" you stood up, and to your eternal disappointment, it loosened the strain of your clothes to unstick Fred from your cunt.

Exiting the class, you were devastated to find the hallway packed with students ready for their next potions lesson. The women's bathroom was just around the corner and up the stairs. All you had to do was get to it. You sped walked around the students, opting to push some aside rather than do any fancy footwork and likely squash the man inside of you. From the lack of movement, you guessed he had probably made peace with the situation. Luckily for you though, the movement of your walking kept banging him against you, and you had to stop yourself from dropping to the floor right then and there to grind him furiously against you.

When finally you had made it to the bathroom, casting "Colloportus" on the door for some privacy, you froze at the sight of someone stood inside with their back to you. You recognised those ginger locks straight away.

"George?" you called. He let go of the robe he was examining over the cubicle door and beamed, bounding up to you with all the excitement of a puppy.

"Darling! I've been looking for you everywhere, where have you been?"

What to say, what to say. You doubted rubbing your shrunk brother against my vagina in revenge would be largely acceptable, so you opted to white lie, "Oh, I needed Snape to help me with my potions essay"

George frowned, "Why'd you do that? I could have helped you. Can't imagine ol' hook nose was as fun as me"

"Well maybe if you weren't at that party last night—"

"What party?"

Judging by Fred's immediate scramble to break free, you imagined George was about to tell you something that would spell out very bad news for his twin. To stop his escape, you move a hand behind your back to fist your underwear and hoist it up, making it impossible to give way, "Fred told me you were at the Ravenclaw party last night..."

George's chocolate brown eyes widen in horror, immediately replaced by a scowl as he looked up to curse the air. Little did he know he actually should have been glancing down if he wanted to curse his brother. His squirming against you was making this entire thing leagues better, "What? Oh that prick! I was sick last night with a cold and sent him to apologise to you because I didn't want you catching it while Madam Pomfrey's sweets took effect"

Your cunt was fluttering in anticipation for what long and hard revenge you were about to take. Fred was scrambling so wildly, you couldn't wait to get down to business, "That asshat. He said you were drunk and convinced me to steal some stupid potion with him"

George's anger multiplied, "Bloody hell! I told him not to do that"

"What do you mean?" You were genuinely curious, but your body had literally no care in the world. It was hoisting your pants even higher to keep Fred glued there, wriggling your hips as your breathing became laboured.

George didn't seem to notice, "He was planning on making a thing of love potion with it. Told him it was a stupid idea and he was perfectly popular enough to get anyone he wanted without it. He's got hundreds of girls and guys in the past, I can't think of who he thought he needed to trick..." you consider it for a moment. That was a very good question, it's strange for Fred to care so much about someone... but this could be left for another time.

You hook your foot behind George's leg and brought it forward to wedge it in between yours. Without warning you hopped up and felt Fred immediately sink into your flesh. You doubled over, gripping George's shoulders, and moaning to savour the feel of being entirely and completely touched. George had to brace his hands against the door either side of your head to stop himself from falling over. In surprise rapture, he watched as you were already so unravelled. Finally, the surface you needed. Twins were supposedly two halfs of a whole, and never before had that sentiment rung so true. His leg was the missing component that pushed Fred so absolutely into you, no margin of error. All of him was rubbing against you now as you began humping without mercy.

You thrust yourself forwards and backwards, side to side, around in broad circles. Your folds accommodated him so well, stretching to make sure he always stayed between them. At times you were almost sure you could feel them curling around him, to keep him there as a permanent feature. Tempting indeed, he certainly made walking more fun, and imagine the possibilities in History of Magic. He could get you off under the table without anyone having a clue!

Fred was becoming slick with your arousal, lubricating him into slipping and sliding into usually unattainable flesh you never knew yearned for touch. And because of George's pressure under him, his hold on those neglected areas of your cunt was positively sinful. You throw your head back, your hands on George's shoulders, tugging up and down to massage yourself against Fred.

"What is that bump in your pants?" he finally questioned, having snapped out of his shock.

"Just a sex toy" you reply earnestly, making no alterations to your position.

There was a sudden sting on your clit that made you yelp and stop for a moment. Fred must have bit you... and it was incredible. You wondered whether you could get him to do it again, "It's loves being in there while I fuck myself with it. A tool for my pleasure" You were bouncing up and down like a rubber ball, poking him to react. He still wasn't doing anything to participate, but it was fine. You were doing more than enough for the both of you. All he needed to do was be there as you pounded yourself onto him. Then, your continuous lifting and applying onto him made his shoulder lodge so deep inside of you, you let out a howling moan, crushing George's lips to yours in order to muffle the sheer volume of the scream. He pulls your bottom lip into his mouth, urgently swiping his tongue against yours. You moan and put everything you have into the kiss, allowing him to dive in and taste you. George's lips began to wander, bitting, nibbling and sucking his way to your pulse. His hands came up to hastily undo your tie and shirt, pushing them aside to reveal your bare stomach. As he works your skin into his mouth, creating a glorious love bite on the swell of your neck, his palms fan out across your stomach. You take a sharp breath, as he caressed towards your bra, grinning against you when he notices it's the one he got you for Valentine's Day that unhooks at the front. Lucky coincidence, all your other ones were just dirty.

"I leave you for one night and you become a horny mess" George teases, his hands gliding down your sides to grip your hips. He nudged your legs apart, spreading you wider over your toy. Although he didn't take over the pace, he certainly sped you up. God you could have kissed him for knowing exactly how to whind up your pleasure. A shame then that his mouth was currently occupied with other things. You tangle your hands into his hair as he strokes your nipple with his tongue, pulling it into his mouth and hollowing his cheeks to suck it hard. Your head lulled back to angle yourself further into him, whimpering at how close your climax was.

Seemed Fred was just as desperate to get it over with as you were. He was now doing everything in his power to jack you off. He had somehow managed to grasp your clit between his hands, and paired with your thrusting it created a borderline unnatural amount of pleasure. You were screaming with moans. But somehow more importantly than all that, he had his leg plunged inside of you.

That was it. The idea had been toying in your mind this whole time, but now you knew you needed him inside if you. "Wait a second George" you breathed, perching yourself a little higher in order to stick a hand down your panties, pinching Fred so his arms were trapped by his sides, and sliding him, feet first, through your entrance, until nothing showed of him but his head.

Head back, mouth open in an overjoyed groan, something in you snapped. You didn't even have to thrust him in and out. He was twisting, his arms and legs were flailing in the little space available to them. The walls were hugging his every curve, likely trying to suction him to the back. It was the combination of George flicking your nipple with his tongue and Fred massaging your insides that had you finally unravelling. Hot, slick, arousal came dribbling past what little gaps Fred’s body provided, and you went limp in his brother’s arms with one final howl.

George straightened up to hold you close, stroking your hair until you were ready to stand on your own again, “Nifty toy you got there. I don’t think I’ve ever seen you quite so animalistic” he chuckled.

Wiping the sweat of your brow off on your robes, you tried to make yourself look presentable again, smirking up at your boyfriend as you redid the buttons of your shirt, “Yes, well, nothing beats actual sex with you. Wanna go for a round two in your room?”

He beams, “Course! Want me to wait?”

“Nah, I’ll meet you up there” you gesture him away. Normally you would ask him to stay, but you had something to deal with first.

“Alright, see you in five” all excited, he ran for the door, then turned back just as he had performed the unlocking spell to give you a quick peak on the lips, then off he went.

Rummaging around in your shorts, you sigh as you unclog your hole, the contents stringing against Fred as you lift him to eye level. Merlin he looked awful. His fiery hair was stood on end, gelled up with your cum. His white shirt was practically transparent and clung to his abs as though it have been soaked in water. His eyes were a little bloodshot probably from liquid splashing into them, and his lips were rather swollen, like they would be after making out with someone for too long or too roughly. Just generally, your essence was rolling off of him in big globs. You placed your other hand to your mouth and giggled at his appearance, but he seemed the furthest thing from amused. His arms were crossed over his chest, a highly displeased scowl etched across his face.

“Oh don’t look at me like that!” you say, “If you hadn’t planned the robbery so terribly, or lied to me on twooccasions in the 8 hours proceeding it, getting me to write a whole 4 thousand word essay on things that were complete horseshit, humiliating me on front of Snape and—“

“Alright alright—!” He had softened up a little, averting eye contact, but you didn’t care.

“No! I’m not done!” That got his attention again, “Fred, you have been a dick to me for the past six years! Sure, you’re funny and can be sweet sometimes, but most of the time you don’t know where the line is! You prank me all the time, it’s relentless! And today you bloody pushed me over the edge. I had a perfect means of getting revenge and damn it I took it.”

He shrugs, “Whatever, I guess we’re even now”

You open your mouth to continue arguing but snap it shut when you realised what he had said. That really took much less convincing than you though, probably because you were feeling a smidge guilty for going so far in the heat of anger. It’s not like he orgasmed or anything... well if he did you wouldn’t be able to tell, his trousers were drenched, “Yeah, I guess...”

You waddled to the sink, turning both faucets on for lukewarm water, plonking him in the basin to clean off the sticky residue. You then hobbled into the closest stall to grab a wad of tissue and wipe yourself clean with it. Despite how absolutely caked in the stuff Fred was, you were still drenched. You exit the stall a couple of minutes later to find him completely washed down, "Right, let's get you back to your normal size, but let's put you in my pocket this time..."

"What a shame. I had really learned to call your vag my home" the sarcasm drooled from his lips.

You scooped him up, pinning him with a warning eye, "I'll put you back in there if you're not careful."

"Sorry sorry sorry!" he back peddled, extending his arms like a man about to be hit by an unforgivable curse. You gently lay him in your pocket, and snapped your head up to find Moaning Myrtle staring at you in disbelief.

"Umm..." the ghost muttered, for once in her life (or death) at a loss for words.

"Don't tell anyone what you saw here today, Myrtle" you warned, pointing a long threatening finger at her, "Not like they'd believe you anyway"

She nodded vigorously and dove into the nearest sink.

[reidingdays]

the first 3 minutes of zugzwang: an ESSAY nobody asked for and i mean an essay the english student really jumped out on this one lads

this scene is arguably the best acting i’ve seen matthew gray gubler ever do and it’s JUST HIM STANDING IN A PARK

so we start in a park, there’s soft music and to me it sounds academic and whimsical, optimistic like you’ve got all the world’s puzzles to explore and endless time to do it in. it’s something straight out of a beautiful mind. it’s autumn, warm colours abound and the cosy vibes continue as spencer’s in good spirits and a warm jacket

he looks happy!!! peaceful!! content!!! treasure that with me, will you

the music reaches a higher key as he dials maeve’s number and he’s making little chhhh chhh chuu noises, singing his own song under his breath in his own little world, the picture of ease, as he calls and immediately hangs up to let her know it’s only him, not her stalker. his movements are light and fluid and given his aversion to technology and germs he doesn’t falter once as he dials on this very public phone box

he sighs because he’s done this a thousand times over but it’s not a sad sigh. it seems kind of like acceptance, as if he’s made peace with the situation and he’s in it for the long haul. it's simply routine. he instinctively - subconsciously?? - reaches for his satchel like a safety blanket, like a reminding reassurance that this is working, she’s safe, and he looks EXCITED while awaiting her call back

he even walks a few steps away, shoves his hands in his pockets, turns away from the phone box, because he knows she’ll call back. there’s no anxiety there, no pressure to stare at the thing until it rings. he trusts her. as he looks around the park he continues the chhh chh chhhh noises, admiring the scene passively among nose scrunches because this is just another liminal space, another random phone box, on his journey to be with maeve

when the phone rings, boy damn near gives himself WHIPLASH look at that hair flip!!!! majestic!!! he couldn’t care LESS about the beautiful park he wants to talk to maeve!!

after he practically dives on top of the phone box, he answers with a jaunty lil “hellooOOOoOO!!” and just look at the mischief on that there face. his eyes are squinted because he’s ready to tease and debate obscure literary theories. there’s the hint of a smirk. he’s playful, ready and willing to hang on her every word, and then the happy whimsical walk in the park music CUTS OUT

CUTS RIGHT OUT

in literally 0.03 seconds his face goes from mischevious lil puppy!!!!!!! to oh shit this isn’t right this isn’t maeve. a collect call from adam worth means danger. his head snaps up, there’s tension in his neck how the hell and his eyebrows are pulled down, eyes wider and can’t focus on anything, BOTH hands clutching the phone and pressing it so close to his face as if doing that could help him concentrate

the operator tells him to pay 2 dollars to hear the call and he freezes then JERKS his body back from the abyss his mind is so clearly spiraling down, like he has to remind his limbs to work. he smacks his arm against the phone box but doesn’t even register it. my bet is he whacked his funny bone and we all know that hurts like the DICKENS and there's still zero reaction. his pain is irrelevant. his breathing is loud and ragged, offbeat and unnerving against the Dramatic Violins, he scrabbles through his satchel with absolutely no regard for it at all because it’s in the WAY, hair falls in his face, then he just RIPS the bag off his person like it’s rubbish

tips out its contents like a man possessed. we’re talking books on books on books. and spencer loves books.

it’s a desperate bid to find enough change to pay for the call. like this guy is a germaphobe. he’s on his KNEES in a public park on a well trodden footpath with a manky phone still glued to his ear, all his possessions are now covered in god knows what, his beloved satchel is cast aside like litter, he’s not even looking at where is hand is in germ city because he’s staring the phone box out in case, knowing his luck, it sets on fire

all his movements are frantic and jagged and, yes, spencer isn’t known for being a swan but he’s also not a jerky marionette. he staggers upright and shoves his change into the phone box, impatiently pushes his hair out of his face to no avail and he’s blinking like five times more than before

the intonation of “hello i’m still here” OH GOD it is spoken completely monotone which is beyond out of character, going to show just how!!! unnerved!!!! he is!!!! happy joyful jaunty hellooOOoOs are long forgotten. he doesn’t have time for emotion which again is SO UNSETTLING THIS IS SPENCER REID KING OF EMOTION. the next scene with hotch is when he allows emotion to seep back into his voice, but right now, alone and responsible, he has to block it out. each word is rushed together to get them out faster the SECOND the call connects and when it does, we hear zugzwang. he steadies himself with another breath and not to be as Dramatic as the violins but his eyes go hard?? because he knows the meaning of that word and infers bad things are about to happen because bad things just follow him around.

he looks up because how the hell can this be happening WE WERE SO CAREFUL. he almost definitely thought through every potential threat and every precaution made wasn’t enough. his entire face screams desperation, denial, guilt, what the fuck. it’s like he gives himself one split second of panic, pain, doubt and fear but then he shuts it out. you can see his brain kick back in when he asks “sorry can you please repeat that?” in order to engage with whoever this is because maybe that will help? because being polite and soft spoken is his strength AND ALWAYS WILL BE (i digress). but the reply is another zugzwang. farewell happy peaceful and content spencer you lasted literally 21 seconds

and then he pulls THIS face out of his arsenal and you just know spencer isn’t going to get a happy ending because he never does and what better way to destroy the character development of both spencer and maeve, the woman that was created simply to be murdered and SCENE

[miraculouscontent]

Always.

“Truth” is just... I mean, I want to say “garbage” but that doesn’t even do how bad it is justice? Like, okay, I take four major issues with it (my followers be like: just four? :P):

First is the writing in general and the continuity of it all. This episode looks like it’s been through multiple drafts and the final product is an amalgamation of a bunch of them with no coherency between any of them. I already could kind of guess it from the Adrimi kiss that the finale removed, but it’s obvious that there were going to be Adrimi/Lukanette arcs in Season 4 but then stuff happened (i.e: the staff being cowards) and they got cut. It’s totally possible that the plot with Jagged Stone being the father and Marinette having to keep secrets from Luka were still the same episode even in the original draft, but I imagine it at least wasn’t episode one.

There are other, more subtle hints as well, like the episode giving no time to Luka learning that Jagged is his father (making the fandom wonder if Luka remembered when he was Truth) and Ladybug being shocked when she realizes that the akuma is Luka as if she didn’t already see him be akumatized. Juleka also gets weirdly sidelined in the episode despite being Luka’s twin (Astruc has stated that both Luka and Juleka are older and Juleka got held back, which is why she’s in Marinette’s grade but Luka isn’t), so she’s Jagged’s offspring as well. One might presume that Juleka just never cared at all but that doesn’t mean she shouldn’t be allowed to interact directly with the guy or have any involvement at all. All it would’ve taken is for Luka to mention that Juleka never cared about who their father was but he did, thereby implying that Juleka’s reaction to Jagged would probably be more like, “oh okay.”

You know, if they didn’t reduce her to incoherent mumbling.

Second is the timing of this episode. We had the New York special with Paris being destroyed, but it’s clearly fine here (so I guess it isn’t canon now; thank God honestly), and while it’s technically possible that enough time has passed (supported by the vague implication that Marinette having to miss out on dates with Luka has gone on for a while, given Tom and Sabine’s lack of reaction to them dating), it’s not supported by Marinette examining the Miracle Box as if she’s only just gotten it.

There’s also Shadow Moth, where we’re shown an extended version of the scene from the end of “Miracle Queen” where Gabriel repairs the peacock miraculous, giving the episode a “Volpina”->”The Collector” vibe but then why are the events lining up the way they do???

The narrative also does a really bad job at showing us why Marinette is so strapped for time. She has guardian duties now but you’d think it’d balance out with her not having to go to Fu anymore for guardian training (you know, that thing we never saw but was said to be happening or at least that it was Fu’s intent to have it happen). You could argue that maybe Shadow Moth is more active, but then Chat Noir should be affected by this too; Ladybug states outright that she’s been busy and Chat Noir responds with something akin to, “oh I know, because you’re guardian,” which implies that it’s her guardian duties keeping her busy and Shadow Moth is just interrupting her dates specifically.

But we don’t even see what responsibilities she has added on as guardian. I knew the writers would make it so her being guardian was a hassle, but it’s the first episode of the series and we’ve gotten next to no answers for what being guardian actually adds.

It’s almost like this was a rushed first episode to break up the only thing that unambiguously made Marinette happy for the sake of bringing the love square back and needlessly making her suffer because the writers think it’s hilarious.

Speaking of which, the third thing thing is the comedy because--just--I hate the comedy in this show.

Like, just to start, there’s the kwami, who clearly begin with their mob mentality from the later episode of “Furious Fu” and all proceed to act like children. No, I didn’t expect them to all be wise (I mean, Xuppu exists and is very much not that, having been implied to be a fit for Kim who is known for being a total himbo), but I don’t expect them to all scatter like they do. Kaalki in particular, who was shown to be more poised and refined, blatantly reveals herself to a bunch of civilians just for the sake of Marinette freaking out and needing to make up an excuse.

Same with Alya and her friends. Marinette is panicking because of the kwami and Alya “deduces” (while shading Marinette so blatantly that it’s insulting) that Adrien must be there in her house which--maybe don’t SAY THAT OUT LOUD in case Adrien is literally in her room???). Then Marinette gets a call from Luka, shouts his name, and the girls do a complete 180 in support of Lukentte. It’s not like I’m not for them supporting whatever Marinette wants to do, but the shift is so sudden (and contradicts “Frozer”) that it gave me whiplash and the entire scene ends up being pointless since the girls still go with the “Marinette is in love with Adrien” thing when Truth asks them what Marinette’s secret is. Like, we could’ve gotten small, stupid secrets that everyone thought only they knew about Marinette, but instead it’s just the same thing over and over again (which makes no sense since, by the time Alya blabs the secret - which Alya has already told Nino before anyway - it’s no longer a secret therefore making the answer invalid).

Heck, the whole “secret” thing could’ve even been the people Truth shoots finding ways of answering his questions in a way that is technically telling the truth but also not really, such as if Anarka had answered the, “Who’s my father?” question with, “someone you know/someone famous,” so as to avoid saying that it’s Jagged Stone. It’s just boring seeing characters answer with whatever the asker wants to hear instead of being able to find a way around it.

And then there’s Chat Noir, who’s just--ugh.

Like--okay, I’m going to be extremely petty for a moment and just go off because I hate Chat Noir’s role in this entire episode. The Season 3 finale went out of its way to have Chat Noir be all like, “I have a girlfriend,” when it was a lie, and then Season 4 just parkours around Ladybug telling him that she’s dating (Ladybug clearly took no issue with Chat Noir telling her he’s dating so it’s not like she’s worried about issues there; she’s gotten on his case before in episodes like “Startrain” so there are exceptions) because they want to keep having him flirt and not be sAd because this is Marinette’s episode of suffering and Chat Noir actually having to face the reality that Ladybug is dating (not just in love with someone else) would’ve actually been interesting. Chat Noir gets tons of unnecessary screentime in the episode - mostly for the show to shove in LadyNoir shipping fuel - and then actively avoids telling him the obvious thing because he would’ve actually been forced to grow/develop/stop flirting.

It would’ve been so cute and sweet to see him awkwardly trying to flirt without overstepping boundaries (so more like banter than flirt) or - you know - actually try to support Ladybug and want her to be able to finish her dates by him offering to keep akuma/sentimonsters busy, but no, he’s just left in the dark.

The finale had Chat Noir supporting her (terribly but I digress) and then doesn’t do anything with it at the start of Season 4, meaning his support of her was completely meaningless and just there.

His first appearance is him pranking Ladybug when she’s already overstressed and busy, which comes off as super poor taste and I’m both glad he got splatted into that window for it but also upset because it’s screentime completely gone to waste, and of course it’s just a lead up to him guilting her by being like, “nooo the only thing that hurts me is when you leave me alone during patrol!”

I know he’s teasing (...probably) but it leaves a bad taste in my mouth because we know (well, I knew because I know how this show works) that Luka and Marinette were going to break up because of Marinette’s hectic schedule, so it just comes off as insensitive to joke about it, especially when Ladybug’s busy guardian status just serves as a reminder that Fu is gone.

Even when he’s protecting Ladybug from Truth’s questions by cutting in and asking a question of his own, of course he asks about himself to forcibly fish compliments out of Ladybug because she can’t lie to him, and of course they have Ladybug compliment his humor most of all as if that trait hasn’t nearly gotten them in danger multiple times and she’s been repeatedly annoyed when he decides to joke during the worst possible times. It’s as if the writers wanted to pat themselves on the back for their own comedy, so they had Ladybug be a mouthpiece to stroke Chat Noir’s ego.

He claims he won’t force a truth out of her and then literally forces her to say what her favorite things about him are. I acknowledge that this can be seen as me nitpicking but we went from the finale where Chat Noir actually stepped up and took charge (because Ladybug was stressed but I guess him doing anything useful is just whenever it serves the plot) to this where he’s back to flirting constantly and jamming in as much LadyNoir shipping fuel as physically possible. It’s not that he’s useless but he’s annoying and takes up space in an episode that’s supposed to be about Luka and Marinette.

And that leads us into the fourth thing, which is the break-up and just the treatment of Luka and Marinette in general. I could go on and on about how the Season 3 finale built up their relationship just to tear it down in the first episode of Season 4, but that’s not the main issue here.

Luka brought Marinette comfort. He made her happy. He never judged her. He was happy to just date her regardless of any conflicted feelings she might have because hey, who is he to complain if she wants to give him a try and who knows what’ll happen?

And the season couldn’t even give one moment of them being unambiguously happy without ruining or interrupting it. I was ready for the break-up and I was even ready for it to be the first episode but I wasn’t ready for it to be so bad.

Marinette’s Adrien pictures appear out of nowhere (again, makes no sense for the timeline) when they’ve been gone for basically all of Season 3 and even “The Puppeteer 2″ specifically which makes a direct reference to “Troublemaker,” the episode that purposefully overdid it with her pictures (”Truth” has more hanging up and clearly used “Troublemaker” as a reference, by the way). They’re just there for force the love square and Adrien into the episode as much as possible to remind the audience that Adrien breathes. There is literally no purpose to any mention of Adrien and bringing him up isn’t even relevant to Marinette and Luka’s break-up.

It’s just upsetting to know that the umbrella scene from “Origins” (which is already flawed in and of itself) kickstarts this whole thing. Adrien did basically nothing there except for clear up a misunderstanding and give Marinette an umbrella when his ride was a few meters away and Marinette’s house was just across the street, but that actives Marinette’s absolutely crippling crush on him that lasts for 3-4 seasons. Marinette is in this eternal struggle of not being allowed to grow and change because the writers think her stammering/crushing on Adrien is funny while actively punishing her for having this crush in the first place (again, like in the scene with Alya, which insults Marinette for her crush when she wasn’t even panicking over her crush).

It’s the same with Luka, and I can’t believe that it took me until this episode to realize that he and Marinette are both treated the same way: tormented by episodes for having a crush on someone. Episodes will go out of their way to forcibly insert Adrien into the plot to both humiliate Marinette and make Luka feel awkward when the episode isn’t supposed to be about Adrien at all. “Truth” is just “Desperada 2.0″ except Adrien is barely on screen at all and they still felt the need to name drop him constantly. The writers are so sensitive to the idea of people jumping onto another ship or forgetting that Adrien exists that they’ll find any possible way to include him.

“Silencer” knew better. “Silencer” knew that Marinette’s life didn’t have to revolve around the mere mention of Adrien’s name and that she had other interests/desires/traits outside of him. Adrien isn’t brought up once and it was great because the show didn’t feel the need (for once) to throw Adrien into an episode that he had nothing to do with.

Even if I was a love square shipper, I would feel insulted by “Truth” because one half of my ship kept getting name dropped and used as a tool to humiliate the other half, which makes it all the more eyeroll-worthy when the love square stans of the fandom praise this episode for breaking Lukanette up when--oh, wait, they didn’t even break up “because Adrien.”

And that ends up being the real thing here. The writers had to invent a reason for Marinette and Luka to break up. We already know that Jagged Stone being Luka’s dad is a retcon (not technically in the show’s canon but in information we heard about outside of it), so they shoved in Luka having issues about not knowing his father specifically so that he would be pushed over the edge when Marinette couldn’t tell him about her being Ladybug.

When Luka and Marinette were just together and hanging out, Adrien wasn’t mentioned once. Say whatever about the Adrien pictures being on the wall and Marinette’s stammering (she always says stupid stuff when she panics - especially stuff she doesn’t mean - so I’m not upset with her so much as the writing for having her mess up in that specific way), but the only time Marinette talks about Adrien at all in the episode is when someone else brings him up.

She goes on a date with Luka to the cinema and they were having a great time without Adrien involved at all. I know I already stressed this point in a previous post, but one of the reasons that I find Lukanette to be so amazing is because the show actually focuses on Marinette’s interests and doesn’t force her to be the writer’s mouthpiece for gushing about their sunshine boy a punching bag for comedy. In every Lukanette scene that doesn’t bring up Adrien/before Adrien shows up, Marinette is either praised, able to be happy, or is showing one of her interests that isn’t aDrIeN, and whereas Adrien being on-screen around Marinette usually just means that she’s gushing about/stammering around him with no development, Lukanette features us actually learning more about Luka or other characters.

“Captain Hardrock” - lets her bond with Luka over a shared interest in Jagged Stone, and Luka is established as a sort of empath who uses music as a way to speak for himself

“Frozer” - gets to practice ice skating with Luka, who is actually good at ice skating and also can tie laces despite not tying his own because he’s a rebel

“Desperada” - gets to try out guitar with Luka and we learn that Luka has been playing guitar for as long as he can remember

“Silencer” - showcases Marinette’s interest in fashion and properly introduces Kitty Section; has a plot featuring all of them together doing something not even remotely love-related and we get actual confirmation of Luka’s crush on Marinette, along with Marinette’s reaction (blushy+happy; just saying, idk how anyone could watch “Silencer” and not think that Marinette was crushing on Luka)

“Heart Hunter” - Marinette gets a song written for/about her and Luka is established to have a job

“Truth” - brings up Lukanette’s shared interest in Jagged Stone, features Marinette’s interest in fashion when she gives him a gift she made + had Jagged Stone sign, and shows her raising her voice but not being judged by Luka for it, who’s happy with her just the way he is

When the show focuses on Lukanette, it’s all about lifting Marinette up, praising her, and making her feel good. When Adrien is involved or it’s hyper-fixating on Marinette’s crush on him, it’s about bringing her down and making her feel bad for a crush they keep forcing her to hold onto and humiliating her for.

Point being, the writers had to force their way into getting Lukanette broken up because of their precious love square and the fact that Marinette and Luka being happy is the opposite of what they want.

It’s embarrassing to watch a team full of old white guys (I’m convinced at this point that they just hang their female writer on a coat hanger so they can point to her whenever someone says that their staff is too male-dominated) treat their female biracial lead with such disrespect, and I can only presume that the mistreatment of Luka is because he’s supportive of her and they don’t like that, meaning that the way she’s treated ends up rubbing off on him.

It doesn’t come off as a fun or interesting plot; it comes off as cruel. When Adrien is sad, he usually gets people rushing to comfort him (”Party Crasher,” “Gamer”), but “Truth” has Marinette in tears over the fact that she can’t have a boyfriend due to being Ladybug and the writing has the gall to crack jokes about Kaalki not knowing what tears are, and then Marinette has to ask for the kwami to hug her for comfort.

When Luka gets akumatized into Truth, the episode doesn’t even hesitate at bashing away at him, from everyone saying that Marinette’s secret is that she “loves Adrien” (which, as Truth points out, isn’t a secret, and they could’ve had this somehow lead up to a twist ending where Marinette actually isn’t into Adrien anymore and the Adrien pictures were genuinely for reference, but she stammered about it because it was embarrassing that her boyfriend got sent it with no context) to one of Luka’s favorite songs actually being about how Jagged abandoned him to go on tour. Luka has to deal with Marinette ditching him constantly (not that I blame her) and not knowing who his father is despite wanting to know, and the episode treats him like trash for... what? Having a crush on a girl who’s secretly Ladybug? Because that’s all it seems to come down to in the end.

I also have serious gripes with the fact that Marinette has this huge schedule established in “Gamer 2.0″ and they don’t even try to explain why she can’t use it to keep track of her obligations. The episode has her say (in a roundabout way but still) that she’s forgetting stuff constantly because of all of her emergencies (the emergencies of which are not stated and I hate the subtle implication that forgetting something means you don’t care about it when that’s clearly not how things work and also not what Marinette comes off as because - again - they establish that she’s overworked) but fails to properly explain it. The episode hammers away at Marinette having all these issues and even has Tikki chide Marinette by asking her about leaving Luka alone while apparently neglecting the fact that Marinette HAS to go be Ladybug right now and what else is there to even do??

Both Luka and Marinette are punished for just having a crush and wanting to be together and I hate that the episode forces a break-up instead of coming up with a solution to the problem. Instead of “Marinette isn’t ready for a romantic relationship,” it feels more like she’s just not allowed to be happy.

Long-distance relationships are a thing. Relationships where people don’t get to go on dates frequently are a thing. Instead of forcing a break-up, the episode could’ve had a lesson/development where Marinette is told that she’s allowed to pursue a relationship and just needs to plan accordingly. but they just didn’t want to.

For example: instead of planning dates, Marinette could wait until an akuma/sentimonster is defeated to call Luka and ask him out, because Hawk Moth usually doesn’t strike immediately after one is dealt with. I’m positive that Luka would happily take impromptu/sudden dates over planned-but-inconsclusive ones. Heck, they don’t even have to date specifically and can just stick to phone calls (kwami can’t be picked up on technology) or hanging out in Marinette’s room/on Marinette’s balcony while they do their thing.

Relationships are a commitment, but that doesn’t mean they have to be a burden, and the episode absolutely drags Marinette over it. The whole thing with the kwami being released and stressing her out when they’re not supposed to be able to just come out normally is explained away by, “oh, the new box must be like you, Marinette; full of surprises!” when the reality is just that the show wants to take away everything that’s sacred to Marinette. The Season 3 finale had Fu’s letter telling Marinette that “life doesn’t always give you what you want, but the real gift is life itself,” then proceeds to turn Marinette’s life into a living hell.

Her room? She has to say good-bye to her privacy because now the kwami are always going to be around. The first thing one of them (Trixx) did was start reading her diary, showing that they have absolutely no shame or regard for Marinette’s feelings.

Her schedule? Conveniently pops away into the realm of non-existence so she can look bad for ditching Chat Noir on patrol and neglecting dates with Luka due to her responsibilities/stress.

Her boyfriend, the one person in the entire show who loved her, respected her agency, never judged her, actually apologized when he made her sad, and who she was genuinely in love with rather than just having the equivalent of a celebrity crush for? She had to break up with him because plot and needing to force her to go back to fawning over the guy who has only made her life worse by her crushing on him.

When I say the universe hates Marinette, this is what I mean. It created random akuma to attack Paris all for the sake of forcing Marinette away from Luka, and apparently didn’t realize what they were doing in the scene where Marinette hurries back to the Liberty when Kitty Section and Adrien are playing together when Adrien is Chat Noir so he should’ve been late too.

(Oh, and Marinette completely ignores Adrien in favor of waving at Luka and even tells Luka outright that Adrien isn’t even a factor in their relationship issues, further proving the “multiple drafts smashed together” and “the Adrien name drops are pointless” points.)

The whole thing in “Backwarder” where it was basically outright stated that Marianne could’ve been Fu’s confidant had Marianne not been outed by Ladybug’s mistake? Completely forgotten and left to the wayside. Marinette could’ve told Luka that she was watching the Miracle Box in Ladybug’s place (for any number of reasons, really: either Ladybug thinks it’s too dangerous to keep with her, or if the public doesn’t know that Ladybug is guardian, then Marinette can just say that she’s guardian) and that she has to run off to keep guard of the Miracle Box when an akuma/sentimonster happens in case Ladybug needs a miraculous.

Boom, done, episode solved. Luka gets to help Marinette with the kwami, Marinette is less stressed because someone knows half of her secret, and Luka and Marinette continue to date but are able to plan around akuma attacks.

But no. That whole thing in “Backwarder” where guardians (or at least Fu) can have a confidant was just there so Marinette could feel guilty about screwing it all up, because she’s not able to take advantage of that perk herself.

How convenient.

[cadaceus]

C2E140

Hello, everyone, and welcome to my liveblogs/emotional breakdown over Campaign 2, Episode 140 of Critical Role. This was genuinely an emotional rollercoaster, and I feel so much and yet so empty at the same time? These are genuinely my longest liveblogs ever (I had a lot of emotional reactions and things to say!) so feel free to grab some snacks or water before diving into this one. Spoilers ahead, of course, so pretty please proceed with caution!

- I’m emotional thinking about this very possibly being the Mighty Nein’s last Initiative ever...

- THAT NEW LUCIEN MINI DFVGDHJKLD WHAT THE 

- Essek tied for first in Initiative let’s go babeyyyyy I’m so proud

- THE VISION OF ZUALA  😭 😭 I DON’T WANT TO DO THIS I’M SAD

- The Eyes get their turn??? Oh my god

- Ashley’s aggressive “don’t you fcking dare” when the eyes point at Beau me too, me too

- Whoaaa Caleb’s Glaive method was so interesting, I can’t believe that worked!

- STOP ATTACKING ESSEK SDFGHSJK IF HE GETS NINE EYES AND TURNS AGAINST THEM OR SOMETHING I WILL THROW A FIT

- “Veth keep your clothes on... I will cast Marine Layer” FJORD LMAOOO

- I will turn into the “leave Brittany alone” person but make it “leave Essek alone” WHY ARE YOU BEING MEAN TO HIM

- six attacks versus Veth... ruh roh raggy

- Yasha attacking Zuala makes me so saddd 

- NOOO Cad... idk why that is the one that made me tear up, but just the image of his family beckoning for him in this city of terror is making me emotional 😭

- “That’s my child’s mother...” LMAO TRAVIS

- I genuinely just copied their “shaking weights” motion in real life adhjkdlf let’s goooo Essek!! 

- VETH IS DOWN.... GOD THIS IS MAKING ME SO SAD DO NOT KILL VETH PLEASE

- “He’s gone... let him go...” oof okay that one hurt me

- Jester was so close to getting that Divine Intervention... that was almost so clutch aahhh

- why is fjord’s method of persuasion to molly just flirting with them LMAO okay king...

- “’Remember the fruit salad?’” Fjord/Travis looks so embarrassed, WHAT IS FRUIT SALAD SIR PLEASE SHARE WITH THE CLASS

- Essek actually succeeding on a Strength check to get Caleb free despite being a weak ass wizard, and then Caleb pressing his forehead against Essek’s in thanks... yes I’m soft I can’t do this, my emotions are kaput

- TWO NATURAL 20S AGAINST JESTER.....

- Jester being insta dead. I am not doing okay. Like literally about to start crying, I was not expecting it to happen that quickly or at all, she’s just so full of life and if Cad doesn’t save her.... I’m just so upset by this 😭

- One of the “Happy Thoughts” on Sam’s flask being “Luc all grown up” is so precious to me personally

- CAD BELOW 20 HP --> CAD GOING DOWN ---> CAD UP AGAIN WAS SUHC A EMOTIONAL ROLLERCOASTER OH MY GOD

- Did Molly just scratch Lucien’s face??? Oh my god...  😭

- MATT YOU NEARLY MADE ME PANIC WITH THAT SENTENCE SFGDJKLD THAT WAS CRUEL I WAS ON THE VERGE OF TEARS ALREADY AND THAT ALMOST DID ME OVER

- Both clerics at 1 hit point.... everything is fine :) (scared version)

- CALEB WENT DOWN I AM NOT DOING WELL EVERYONE..... THIS IS SO FREAKING ROUGH 

- Jester clutch healer, not even joking, I’m so grateful for her

- I can’t believe that it’s been three hours with no break, I need to make a mug brownie to calm myself down, free us Matt Mercer (mostly /j)

- BEAU ROLLING TWO NATURAL 20S ON HER ATTACK WITH MOLLY’S BELT AROUND HER FISTS OH MY GOD POETIC CINEMA.... THE DICE GODS ARE REAL!!!!

- Essek using his eighth level spell on Lucien after he sees Caleb go down...... MY LOVE (also I wonder what he had been saving his eighth level for, since Matt said he was saving it?)

- WAIT IS CALEB DOWN OR IS HE LIKE DEAD

- okay. just got my answer. i am not doing fine.

- HOW DO YOU WANT TO DO THIS DSBJKDASL;KDSJKFDK JESTER YES JESTER YES..... OH MY GOD SHE DID IT I LOVE HER SO MUCH I’M SO EMO I CAN’T BELIEVE THIS

- Break? What do you mean BREAK? time to make that emotional support mug brownie though.....

- Caleb’s alive! He’s safe! Thank all of the gods!

- Yasha kissing each spot on Beau’s body where the eyes were... I love them so much.

- Uh oh, Caleb is going to try to revivify Lucien/Molly isn’t he? I know it... I know he is... but sometimes you have to let people go :(

- “Once you’re a member of the Mighty Nein, you’re in” oh no I’m going to cry then.... aahh

- Jester rolling a Natural 20 because she has such a good imagination is so fitting! I love her so dearly

- Beau’s appeal is going to get to me... I know it already.

- THAT NATURAL ONE HURT ME... I didn’t want Molly to come back (because sometimes it is time and they died saving the people they loved) but it still hurts, you know? To not get Molly back.

- ASHLEY;S VOICE BROKE ME... damn I was holding in my tears, but her voice when she said “there’s nothing else to do?” really got to me

- Molly being laid to rest at the Blooming Grove is so poetic, I love that

- Essek’s voice is going to get to me.... also Fjord’s “use your anger and let it fuel you” makes me think that he is speaking to his own younger self... GOD Fjord is going to make me cry

- When he said “Caleb Widogast, have you ever accepted defeat?” I was unironically waiting for a love confession

- WAIT NO WAY..... HOLY SHIT???

- DID CADUCEUS JUST ROLL A 2 PERCENT.... WHAT THE HELL IS HAPPENING 

- Marisha talking about the “emotional whiplash” no LITERALLY Ms Ray I understand you

- MOLLY IS BACK?????

- Matt turning to Taliesin and saying “Your eyes open for the first time in a long time” oh my god.......

- Empty. Love.

- Molly turning to Yasha and saying “Love” is so precious, I love and missed their friendship so so much

- I know I wasn’t sold on Molly coming back, but honestly this is very fitting and I love it a lot. It makes me so emotional, dear god... all of the Mighty Nein together for the first time literally ever. 😭

- “Long May He Reign” is trending on Twitter right now. I think you all know why.

- Wow, I genuinely didn’t cry this entire episode but the second is ended something in me just broke. I feel a bit speechless right now and my emotions are all over the place, but if you read all of these liveblogs please know that you are loved and valued more than you could possibly know. I love you, I love you, I love you; and is it Thursday yet? 

<3

[you-cant-spell-subtext-without]

I’m back on my bullshit and we have GOT TO TALK about 13x08 The Scorpion and the Frog; which serves as a good example of why you should not ONLY watch spn episodes with Cas (partially because of that scene I shamefully blogged about earlier - no I will not link that cursed post here).  The episode title comes from a fable in which the villain is the scorpion.  Interpretations of this fable note its uniqueness lies in the concept that “the scorpion is irrationally self destructive and fully aware of it.”

To quote the scorpion, buddies -  “it’s in my nature.”

Anyway, this episode is subtextually predicated on exploring Dean Winchester’s nature and specifically - his bisexuality, and I’m not only saying that because it opens with Dean in his Bi Colors Plaid (that also he wore on his burger date with Cas).

Let’s get started, after the cut!

Season 13 on its face gives me absolute whiplash because it starts widow arc-reunion-TOMBSTONE and then Jack yeets himself off to Chuck knows where so Cas can go out Looking For Him Because Otherwise He Will Definitely Kiss Dean there is no other option for the writers at this point.  Sigh.  Here, have another shot of Dean anxiously cleaning his gun as he always does when Cas has Gone Off For Reasons -

Anyway, this feels like a filler episode at first, but as always they bury the ENTIRE damn world in it and I am here with my dossier to Unearth It.

Lets start with Bart (demon of terrible nicknames and microagressions) meeting the brothers at Smile Diner to talk about some spell or whatever. 

(I am not thinking about the Cherry Pie meta I AM NOT)

THEY HAVE THE AUDACITY to start with these lines immediately introducing the theme of duality, a thread throughout this episode.

BARTHAMUS

Everything. I've been following your careers a long time. You're a real pain in the pitchfork. And the halo. Natural disrupters. We have that in common, you and I. DEAN

Mm. Yeah, we're twinsies.

***MORE DUALITY!  But as we know, Dean does not like Bart because He Is A Freakin’ Demon

DEAN

Well, see, here's the thing. When a demon tells us to jump, we don't ask how high. We just ice their ass.

UMMM excuse me Barting Bacting Boices?  What is that sexual gaze?  

Then we find out that Bart has 1/2 of the spell.  They need the other 1/2.  Oh, a spell with two parts, you say? [ I am going to scream :) ]

***Also, Dean eats the pie Bart ordered.  I cannot begin to explain to you the state of unwellness that I am in regarding how important this is. DEAN NEVER GETS TO EAT THE PIE, remember?  But in This Filler Episode, Dean eats the pie. While Sam looks at him with a very quizzical expression.  Pie -> what Dean wants but never actually gets -> Dean actively eating this pie.  Dean is coming to terms that maybe he can have what he wants.

***I am reminding you again that this is post widower-arc, post-reunion, and especially post-Tombstone.  Anyway-

Now we get to Smash and Grab.  Not literally even though I want to Commit Such Conduct at this point.  We are introduced to two one off characters named 

Smash (human/female presenting) -  can crack any safe built by man 

and Grab (demon/male presenting)-  expert in bypassing supernatural security.

Reaching or no, you can’t disagree that when spn introduces one off characters - it is almost always a Narrative Parallel or Mirror.

So we have a human and a demon (and Dean Winchester, a human who has been a demon)

who are experts in cracking open/bypassing something that has been secured and guarded (breaking down walls, if you will).  

They also use fake names identifying them as Tools to be Used ( Dean Winchester, the Michael Sword/daddys blunt little instrument)

BONUS:

Dean himself is literally used as a tool in this episode.

So yeah.  Smash and Grab are physical representations of Dean’s duality.  Human/Demon.  Femininity/Masculinity.  Dare we say something else, too?

Anyway, Dean is paired with Smash and Grab; Sam is off to idk negotiate weird artifact purchases lawboy style with Luther Shrike, a man who cannot die so long as he never leaves his house (I cannot even begin to unpack this shit; please just sit there and think about it.  I’m not even going there here.  I CANNOT DISCUSS Luther Shrike RN).

Speaking of things I cannot discuss without halgdhsag;lsa - Smash has very Specific boots (a look overall, really).

DEAN

Hey, Winona. The '90s called. They'd like their shoes back. SMASH

Shh.

***That’s right girl - do not take his shit; he actually LOVES them and is therefore Overcompensating for it with this little jab.

***Dean’s pop culture references and particular attention to the details here Should Not Be Overlooked.  90s! Winona! Ryder!

ANYWAY, then Dean and Smash bond over a caffeinated beverage -

[While Dean is doing a spell, Smash opens a can of drink, takes a mouthful and burps loudly. ] SMASH

Ahh. DEAN

You're weird.

***This scene makes me literally insane. (even aside from Dean living on something named NERVE DAMAGE as a KID.  They could have called it anything. You’re saying this wasn’t a Choice)  

She chugs a swallow of the drink and burps.  Something stereotypically associated with masculinity.  Not feminine.  Dean’s reaction is that she is “weird” - because she is not acting in a way stereotypically, J*hn Winchester brain-rot patriarchy bullshit-tily associated with Being Female.  But also, says the stupid show, they like the same soda.  They are The Same.  She shares the soda with Dean.  HIS FACE WHEN SHE DOES -

Other similarities are addressed throughout the episode (they are working for demons because they have no choice; they don’t discuss feelings/emotions, they both sold their soul, they both This Thing - 

DEAN

You know, we could help you. SMASH

No, you can't. I gotta take care of me.

etc. etc.) Smash is absolutely dean-coded.

****Also it’s textually established that Smash thinks Dean is attractive -

GRAB

[looking at Smash] Oh. You said he was just a pretty face. SMASH 

Shh.

***But Grab flirts with him too.

DEAN

I will kill you. GRAB

I bet you say that to all the girls.

***sorry, Grab - you won’t get far with Dean, but only because as he mentioned in the beginning of this episode - 

Drowley rights.

Now Dean has to put his hand in the mouth of this stone lion thing and all of a sudden he is acting....very-not-like-Dean.

[Dean looks again and takes a deep breath.] DEAN

I… how about this? What if I cut myself, put it on, like, a little piece of paper? We'll just wad it up and throw it in the mouth, okay? Okay. 

***Dean Winchester, who has been to Literal HELL, who has been torn apart by hellhounds, who has battled the devil and angels and God’s sister - all at the expense of his own life is now - afraid of spiders.  Well, technically he has always been afraid of spiders, but why isn’t ‘he being performative about it At This Time??

***Come to think of it, this sends me right back to how Jackles was playing Dean in 12x11 Regarding Dean THE episode dissecting Dean’s performative masculinity [one day I will clean up and post that analysis sitting in my drafts like a sad hamster]. That makes sense actually, because -> -> ->

that episode and this one are both written by Meredith Glynn.  Girl get in I want to torture you affectionately with a barrage of questions.

So here we have Dean and he’s not performing for Reasons, and he’s scared he’s genuinely scared of putting his hand in this stone lion-gargoyle-pig-creature’s mouth and then -

Smash gives him a push.

She gives him a push.  I cannot stop thinking about how she gives him a push.  A push to go do this thing that he is scared of; his fear being something he was hiding under his performative masculinity. Smash - dean coded dean mirror who does not perform femininity and is ‘weird’ -  she   gives   him   a     p u s h.

***linking here for the jackting joices that follow.

Now, let’s circle back to Smash’s story; why she is working for Bart in the first place -

SMASH

You think I wanna be here? Like I have a choice? SAM

You made a deal. SMASH

Wow! You think? SAM

You sold your soul. SMASH

And if I could take it back, I would. 

there is no reason for this picture here other than I needed you to see the jackting again

***How does the story end for Smash?

DEAN

Take care of you. [Dean glances down at the box, and then at Smash. She sees that Dean has put a lighter on top of the bones.]  BARTHAMUS

Alice, chop chop! 

[Bart indicates she should get his bones]. SMASH

Yeah. [She grabs the lighter and sets Bart's bones alight. Bart screams as he bursts into flames. ] 

***She accepts help and breaks free from the narrative, literally burning it down. The female presenting but not female-performing “weird” ooc representing a side of Dean breaks FREE because she makes a choice.  The lighter Dean drops? It’s a push.  And she goes with it.

Alice reclaims her story.

(Also, Grab gets ganked.  The male presenting ooc; the performative masculinity side; the demon; the darkness; the not-humanity - gets ganked).

Guess what Dean says to Alice when they say goodbye?

DEAN

Hey, Alice. Stay weird.

[I know the peace sign is probably just a Charlie throwback but I’d still like to say duality.  Two. ]

Dean’s not just talking to Alice.  He’s talking to himself; because the walls have been breached and for once Dean isn’t as scared of being different.  Maybe, just maybe, he’s going along with the push.  That’s exactly how the episode ends - with Dean feeling a little more hopeful, a little more at peace; a little more Considering he is capable of not only loving Cas but also not hating himself for it. 

[until the knowledge that Mary is still alive and the guilt of allowing himself ANY happy thoughts instead of looking for her miserably rears its ugly head in 13x09 and round and round we go but for NOW at least -> ]

DEAN

I'll drink to that.

(oh look Dean is just wearing his henley.  It’s almost as if a layer has been peeled back).

tagging @im-shaking-like-milk​ and @deanwasalwaysbi​ for letting me ramble on to them while writing this; and @lilac-void​ because you are always so kind about my stuff :)

[iamanartichoke]

[please blacklist spoiler tags: #loki tv series spoilers, #loki series spoilers, #loki spoilers]

Yes, I did just watch episode 2 at 5:30 in the morning.

No, I am not sorry. Not at the moment, although when I inevitably crash later this afternoon, I will be.

Just some very, very quick - and scattered and messy - thoughts: That is a straight up lie; they’re definitely scattered and messy but not very quick at all.

Under the cut for spoilers and length.

I’m going to start with Loki’s characterization. My honest opinion is that Loki’s overall characterization feels like a fic characterization. He definitely is not Avengers Loki, like, at all. I don't know if Tom just, like, forgot how to play that Loki or ...?? That, or Loki was so much more mind-controlled than we realized and getting hulk-smashed just completely reset him back to zero but also fucked him up a little bit and affected his personality, kind of like how some people completely develop weird new personality quirks after a traumatic brain injury.

… yeah, I think that’s where I’m gonna land for now. TV series!Loki feels like a more-or-less canon version of Loki, but if that Loki got hit in the head really hard and now he’s just a little bit fucked up but overall no worse for the wear. Which - it may be that it’s so early in the morning, but that’s actually really fucking funny to me, lmao. God, I kill me. It’s not funny.

No, but, that’s pretty much how I feel. He’s ooc but he’s also ic, and the reason I’m not particularly bothered by the inconsistency, for lack of a better word, is because that’s what pretty much every fic Loki already feels like to me? (Including my own, so I’m not, like, saying that in a derogatory way.) Which is why I say Loki feels like a fic!Loki and to try to explain it better - there is always, for me, a little suspension of disbelief that I employ when I read fic. The reason for that is because the context, the plot, and the dynamics of the fic are usually pretty different than what we ever get in canon, so it becomes a matter of taking film!Loki and, like, bending him a bit in order to fit him into the perimeters of the fic.

The result ends up being that I don’t see the exact Avengers!Loki or TDW!Loki, and thus by definition the portrayal is ooc, but the version that I do see feels like a genuine extension of the canon version, possessing enough of Loki’s overall traits and characteristics that he feels authentic, albeit a bit pretzeled for the new context.

I honestly think that’s something that’s unavoidable, just due to the fact that in fic - and now, in this series - there are a lot more variables at play than there are in the films, wherein Loki is not just a supporting character but also the villain/antagonist and is therefore very limited in what he does/what the narrative allows him to do. When those limitations are taken away, what are we going to see? Probably a lot of different things, and yeah, a lot of them are going to feel a little ooc. And, like in fic, even if the characterization mostly lands, there are definitely bits and pieces (some fics more than others lean this way) where the author didn’t stick the landing or got carried away or otherwise probably forgot for a while that they were writing Loki, not their own OC.

That’s the point where it strays into cringe territory for me (and where the ‘heh, he’s Loki but with a brain injury’ aspect comes in), but while I had to consciously decide to just ignore those moments, overall the tone in this episode felt a bit more balanced between the new, the old, and the cringe, and less whiplash-y from the beginning of the episode to the end.

… I have no idea if that makes sense, but what I’m basically saying is that while I am enjoying this version of Loki, I do recognize all of the ways he’s ooc but, unlike how I feel about Ragnarok!Loki, the ooc-ness feels genuine and unavoidable rather than just a fundamental and careless misunderstanding of the character altogether. In other words, I feel like any ooc-ness here is happening despite the writers taking care to do their best, and isn’t just a result of Loki being lazily written by a person or persons who just doesn’t want to bother with him at all.

Again, I don’t know if that makes sense, but fuck it, there we are and I’m moving on.

I liked all of the little details, including again, things that felt straight out of fic, like Loki asking Mobius why he has the jetski magazine. (Also, if any of my thorki friends read this, was I the only one who noticed that when we see Loki reading the magazine, it just happens to be open to a page with a picture featuring a jet skier who looks like Thor? l.m.a.o.)

Loki interrupting things to explain the difference between illusions vs the other power (I can’t remember which one, off hand, and if I stop writing to go look it up I will lose my train of thought and not finish this) was great, but his overall input and contributions to the missions inspired very mixed feelings for me. On the one hand, I loved that the narrative, via Loki, is reminding us of all these things that he’s capable of that the films generally left out or brushed aside or ignored - but, every time he spoke, he was met with eye rolls and sighs and just a general feeling of “someone please shut this guy up” and I didn’t like the narrative treating him that way.

But also, it’s understandable bc none of the people on his team are actually on his team. None of them want him there (story of Loki’s fucking life), none of them trust him, and none of them are particularly interested in hearing what he has to say. So it’s like, I understand why they reacted the way they did, and I don’t think their reactions are meant to support an overall narrative undermining of Loki’s skills and input - but, the tone is hard to read for me bc I am very defensive and protective of Loki. I can’t quite determine the line between the TVA agents being unreliable narrators (ie, they’re annoyed by Loki bc of who he is to them, but that doesn’t mean the audience is supposed to feel the same) and the TVA agents validating that Loki is just being a nuisance (and, thus, the audience is supposed to feel the same).

That is, I know how I am consuming the narrative (that they’re unreliable narrators), but I’m not sure if that’s how tptb are intending for me to consume the narrative - and I guess it doesn’t really matter, but it’s worth mentioning.

In general, I really liked, again, Loki existing in his own space and watching the way he carried himself. I especially found it interesting that his hands were almost always in his pockets - for one thing it's a stance I tend to imagine him taking often in fic, but also it’s kind of a weird choice bc pockets don’t seem to be a thing in Asgardian clothing. It makes me feel like Loki is the kind of person who never knows what to do with his hands but is always conscious of them, as is common among anxious and self-conscious people, and I just find that relatable on a weird level.

I am really kinda torn on Mobius in this episode; when not interrogating Loki, he’s much less antagonistic toward Loki and therefore I’m more inclined to take-him-or-leave-him but I’ll go ahead and take him I guess. Yet at the same time, bc he’s not interrogating Loki he’s also not trying to put on a show for Loki and when you take that away, he really doesn’t seem to like Loki at all. It supports that Mobius only wants what Loki can do for him and doesn’t actually particularly care about him as a person, which is fine and more or less what I figured, but it contributes to me not really being able to decide how I feel about him in general. Idk, though, I kinda like their dynamic? Like I want them to end up friends?

Regardless, Tom and Owen have amazing chemistry and it’s really funny to me bc (not to be a jerk) I honestly didn’t know Owen Wilson could act. Like, I’ve never seen him in a role where he wasn’t just playing Owen Wilson. So for him to not only be playing Mobius so well but also having such chemistry and a sense of holding-his-own against Tom Hiddleston is like, color me surprised but pleasantly so.

I like B-15 a lot, even though she obviously hates Loki, so idk why I like her but I do. I like Renslayer less, but meh. (Side note - when I was in undergrad in Syracuse, I took the Amtrak from Syracuse to Boston and back more than a few times, for reasons that aren’t relevant, and that route always had a layover at Albany-Rensselaer and every single time I see Renslayer’s name, I want to call her Rensselaer instead.) Shout out to the guest appearance by Casey, sorry Loki stole your juice lmfao.

The moments from the trailer that were very cringe were less so in context (though still kinda cringe, tbh). I think we’ve seen most of the content from the trailers in the first two episodes now, though, which means going forward, it’s going to be like 95% previously unseen material (aside from the brief apocalyptic shots and so forth).

One thing I fucking loved was how Loki, reading about Ragnarok, was visibly affected and even teared up a bit, and you could tell he was in his feels about it, but then later when Mobius expresses sympathy, Loki is just like, “Uh huh, very sad, but anyway.” It was a subtle (well maybe not that subtle) but effective way to remind us that what Loki presents to other people is more often than not a mask and he keeps his true feelings close to the chest. It makes last week’s breakdown have even more of an impact, I think, bc clearly Loki was at the end of his rope to allow himself to show that much raw emotion and vulnerability, but also - for me - there’s a niggling little doubt there that wasn’t there before, in that there was probably more performance in it than I thought.

By which I mean, I think his reaction to the film of his life when he was alone was genuine but, while I previously thought his admission to Mobius later was also genuine, I now think was probably half genuine and half performative. I know others already figured that out, but I’m a little slow and, also, I don’t mind changing my opinion and interpretation from week to week.

Along the same lines, I wasn’t exactly surprised to see that Loki is “undercover” in the TVA, but it was nice to see it acknowledged fairly quickly. Not sure I buy that Loki wants to overthrow and rule the TVA - it’s still a little too “Loki only wants a throne” for me, but again, just because that’s what he told the variant doesn’t mean that’s actually what he’s after.

And, finally, I like the variant, I love Loki’s reaction to seeing her, and while I realize that the show has acknowledged Loki’s gender fluidity and we’re meant to assume that Lady Loki (I guess? Not sure if we’re going with that or not here) is Loki, I saw a theory somewhere about how this is actually not Loki-Loki, but - I wanna say her name Sophie but that’s the actress, again I can’t go look it up bc I will lose my train of thought - but it’s a character who is similar to Amora and who was created by Loki and models herself as Loki but she’s actually someone else.

Ugh I can’t remember the details of the theory, but I am kinda going with it bc I don’t think that Loki would look so - not surprised but just kind of “oh, well, I wasn’t expecting that” if he were seeing the female version of himself. Like, he doesn’t seem to recognize her the way I assume he would recognize himself, male or female. Not only does that make me feel like she’s actually someone else, but also not recognizing her as the female version of himself doesn’t necessarily mean Loki doesn’t recognize her at all. He may very well recognize her as this other Amora-similar character and, if so, I really want to see how that character fits with MCU Loki (as I think she’s a comic book character but, again, I’d have to go back and find that theory).

Edit: I found a version of it here.

Overall score, B-. Mostly solid, but needs moar Loki breakdowns and tears. (That's just me, don't fucking judge me.) Also, I really hate that we have to wait a week between episodes. I wish they were following Netflix’s method of dropping the entire season at once but, then again, if they did that, I’m not sure any of us would survive.

I gotta get ready for work and I deleted and rewrote so much of this and it still seems nonsensical to me, lmfao fml. Anyway feel free to interact/send me asks/whatever, it’s going to be a long fucking day with all of this on my mind. I’ll be working my way through my dash as best as I can.

Oh, also! Loki is so fucking pretty in this episode! The TVA suit is ugly, but he makes it work, and his hair's combed nicely and he looks like he finally got an opportunity to sleep and shower and eat something and, yknow, it's working for him.

[justcallmenikki7]

BTS Reaction To: You Being on your Period

Yandere!Au

Summary: you start your period and become unusually affectionate and nice, confusing your captor.

Warnings: yander!au, underlying threats, toxic behavior, kidnapping, mentions of murder, fluff? mentions of period bleeding and period cramps, in general reader being on her period

Request:

Hi, ok so, i dont know if this is weird or not but could i plz have yandere bts reaction to the reader (who hasnt been with them for that long of a time) having her first period while with them?💜 oh also that by this time shes actually being nice? Thaaaankkkss💜

W.C: 1.4k

Jin:

You slowly crept towards Jin, nervous to approach him but also in dire need to get some necessities.

“Jin?” You stumbled out nervously, hands interlocking in front of you.

The man makes you nervous – frightened even – so you do not know how this will all go down.

“Yes, love?” Jin hummed, turning around in the counter chair, putting down his reading glasses.

One thing for sure, you know that he is beautiful. But you do know what lies underneath his façade that he puts on.

“I, um, started my period and there is nothing for me used to use.” You blushed, not being able to look him in the eyes. “I was wondering if you could get some for me? Please?”

Even you are surprised that you are being nice to him. Even though he has punished you, he does still treat you right. Ignoring that tingly feeling in your stomach when he gave you a nod, he stood up and grabbed his wallet.

“Would you like anything, such as snack food or…?” Jin asked, putting his jacket on, grabbing his keys in the process.

“Uh, yes! Just, the traditional period snacks. Nothing too big, please.” You answered, looking him in the eyes.

“Okay, I’ll be back.” He came over to you, kissing your forehead. “Just know that if this is a setup, my guards are right outside every entrance and the tracker in your neck will… you remember what happened last time.” Jin warned you, smirking at the scared look.

Yoongi:

Yoongi was right by your side the instant you groaned out in pain in the middle of the night, clutching your stomach tightly.

“Are you okay? What’s wrong? What’s hurting?” Yoongi shook you awake, face morphed into a look of concern and worry.

“My stomach hurts,” you whimpered out, not caring that you are showing weakness to your captor. “Make it stop,” you whined, curling up into his warmth.

“Okay, baby. I got you. It’ll be okay,” he whispered, rolling off of the bed before picking you up bridal style. “Let’s get you set up on the couch with a heating pad and blankets.” Yoongi knew that you were on your period, knowing when your cycle starts and every other medical thing about you. “But first, let’s get you situated with a pad.”

And for the rest of the time, you allowed Yoongi to baby you, loving that you have someone looking after you. You knew that you should not be feeling butterflies and fondness for him, but your emotions and hormones are controlling you right now.  

Hoseok:

Hoseok knew that something was different with you when you came and laid your head on his lap while he worked on the computer. Like it was a normal thing, his hand came down to your head, stroking your hair as your curled up to him. He noticed that you were genuinely enjoying his attention, whining whenever he had to use his hand that was stroking your hair to reply to an email.

“Jagi, are you okay?” Hoseok asked after a while.

“Yeah, why?” You reply confusedly, pouting because he stopped stroking your hair.

“Because you’re acting… strange. You hate whenever I touch you,” he bluntly answered, not missing the sad look in your expression.

“Oh, I, I’m sorry,” you whimpered out, tears forming in your eyes. “I’ll leave you alone then.”

Realizing his mistake, Hoseok gripped your hips, pulling you back into him before you could leave. “No, no. I’m sorry. I wasn’t opposed to what you were doing, in fact, I’m ecstatic that you want physical affection. I’m just confused on why.”

Blushing, “I started my period, and I just wanted your attention…”

Smirking, “that I can do, sweetheart.”

Namjoon:

Waking up to the feeling of terrible cramps and feeling yourself bleed heavily onto your underwear was not something you were thrilled about. But once you realized that you were not in your own bed, but in your captors bed with him not even six inches beside you was terrifying and embarrassing. You knew that you had to wake him up, but the thought had you already blushing from embarrassment.

Swallowing down your pride, you reached over to the sleeping man and shook him. “Namjoon, wake up, please,” you whispered. After a few more shakes, the dimpled man woke up.

“What? What is it?” He asked, sitting up abruptly, rubbing his eyes to get the sleep out of them. Looking over at you was all it took to have you breaking down crying. “Y/N, what’s going on?” Namjoon asked softly, leaning over towards you.

“I’m so sorry,” you sobbed out, the embarrassment eating you alive. “I started my period and I bled through. I’m so sorry, Joon.” You did not even realize that you called him ‘Joon.’

“Oh, love, it’s okay. Let’s go get you cleaned up. Maybe, we can go to the doctors tomorrow and get you on medication so you don’t have this… happen again, okay?”

Jimin:

When you became unusually affectionate with Jimin, he could not deny how on cloud nine he was. He basked in your affection and attention to the point where it could be his lifeline. Currently, you did not mind his attention and cuddling, it helped you and your period. Another thing, Jimin gave you belly rubs, helping ease the cramps.

“Jiminie, why are you getting up?” You asked, a sad look on your face. “Why are you leaving me? Am I becoming too much?”

Jimin looked distraught, “No! I just needed to use the bathroom, Jagi. I’ll be right back,” he tried to reassure you.

“So, I’m not being too much?” You tried to hold the smirk you were wanting to show. Yes, you loved Jimin’s attention even though he kidnapped you from your home a month ago, but you loved how submissive he is.

“NO! NEVER!” Jimin yelled loudly, “You’re perfect! I could never get sick of you, baby. You know this.”

Nodding your head, you put on your façade of being confused. “I know, but I just hope that you’re not disgusted by me right now…”

“I could never be disgusted with you baby. Just let me use the restroom and I’ll order us takeout and I’ll do whatever I have to make sure you know how much I love you.”

“Okay, but hurry!”

Once he turned away, you broke out the smirk that you have been holding the whole time, happy to know what power you have over Jimin, ready to use that to your advantage.

Taehyung:

“And here we go,” Taehyung smiled happily, sitting down beside you with a care kit for you.

“Taehyung, you didn’t have to get all of this. I just asked for some Tylenol and a heating pad,” you were overwhelmed with how much Taehyung got you.

“I know, angel, but I want what is best for my angel.” He explained, but his loving look turned into a much darker one, “Are you being ungrateful, angel? Because you know what happens to ungrateful people.”

A shive ran down your spine. “No! I’m just overwhelmed with how much you are doing for me, I’m so grateful that you are doing this for me. No one has ever treated me so kindly and have been so thoughtful.” You admitted, telling him the truth.

The dark look left Taehyung’s face so quickly that it gave you whiplash. “I know, angel. That is why I took you away from your evil life and brought you here, to protect you.”

Smiling back at him, hating how much you are falling for him. Leaning up, you gave him a kiss on his cheek – you know, for good measure.

Jungkook:

Swallowing your pride, you walked to Jungkook’s office to get the affection that you know that he would give you. You tried so hard to be strong and get through your period, but the downfall is, you become clingy and in need for affection. For belly/back rubs, cuddles, someone to play with your hair – anything that can get you through these seven torturous days of hell.

Jungkook sat at his desk, glasses on the bridge of his nose and tie loose around his neck. He was so undeniably attractive, but you knew the monster that lived underneath the façade, the killer. You hated him, or that is what you tell yourself. He killed your best friend and brother in order for you to stay with him. But sometimes, he makes you second guess that.

“Princess, what are you doing out of bed?” Jungkook asked, taking off his glasses, leaning back into his desk chair.

“I-uh,” you swallowed, “can you please cuddle? Unless you’re busy with work! I’m just, I’m not feeling good,” you stumbled, looking down at your feet.

“Awe, princess is acting like a princess and not some ungrateful brat. Hm, what a change. But sure, come here,” he motioned for you, to which you followed.

[jeonggukookies]

better || four

summary: you try to figure out your feelings as things get out of hand at jimin’s birthday party

word count: 4,472 

genre: bestfriend!jimin, college!au, bestfriends to lovers!au - fluff/slow burn angst

one || two || three || four

“No freaking way! You’re lying! You and Jimin actually kissed last night?!” Tiffany shouted as you got into the passenger pick up lane to pick up your cousin, Taehyung from the airport. “I called it!” 

“Yes, Tiffany, will you please shout it louder, so the whole city can know I kissed my best friend?” You sarcastically remarked as you slowed down once you saw Taehyung. It wasn’t hard to spot him. He was wearing brown khakis with a green and black striped t-shirt, and his brown hair was even more curly than you remembered. “It just kind of happened.”

“How does kissing your best friend ‘just kind of happen?’ Did his mouth just fall onto yours? Was his lips just pressed onto yours for warmth?” She asked with a loud mocking tone, trying to use your own words against you. “It happened because you guys both wanted to and finally realized it.” 

“Realized what?” Taehyung opened the trunk of your car to put his metallic suitcase in. “Do you need help, Tae?”

He scoffed. “Thanks for asking once I put my suitcase in.” 

As he closed the trunk, you whispered to Tiffany, “Do not say anything to him!” 

Taehyung opened the car door, and before he could even get into his seat, Tiffany spilled your fair adventure with Jimin to him. His eyes widened at her sudden rambling, and he quickly shut the door. “You and Jimin did what now?”

You gave Tiffany a dirty look before you started driving out of the airport. “And you wonder why I don’t tell you anything.”

“I’m sorry! I couldn’t help it. This had to be shared!” 

“Wait, are we talking about the same Jimin? The same Jimin as in our best friend? Jessica is okay with her boyfriend kissing other girls?” Taehyung asked, buckling his seat belt. “There’s no way he cheated on her! He would have told me!” 

“I like how you say ‘oh there’s no way he could cheat on her’ because he didn’t tell you. Not ‘oh there’s no way he could cheat on her because of the common decency and respect he has.’” Groaning, you listened to Tiffany ramble again. “They broke up two days ago before the whole fair thing because Jimin and Y/N went to look at wedding dresses-”

“You did what now?” Taehyung shouted, interrupting Tiffany. “Why did you go look at wedding dresses? With Jimin?!” 

“Jimin found out that Jin and Y/N hooked up and got mad-”

“He found out?!” Taehyung raised his voice again. “What happened?”

“Do you want to hear the story or not?!” Tiffany shouted at him, startling you to jerk to the side a little. A car honked when your car accidentally got close to theirs.

He sighed. “I’m sorry. Please continue, Tiffany.”

“To make it up to her, he decided to take her shopping and thought it would be fun or funny to look at wedding dresses. As she tried them on, Jimin stared at her because you know, your cousin is so hot-”

“Um...” Taehyung mumbled under his breath, not questioning Tiffany.

“And he almost kissed her, but he stopped because Jessica called him.” Tiffany took a quick, but deep breath to continue the story. She was telling the story in a speed where anyone could barely understand her.

“Jimin then realized he forgotten about his girlfriend and his five month anniversary, so he left your dear cousin alone in the wedding dress store to run to his girlfriend to only have her dump him. He then took Y/N to that ice cream shop back home and then the fair, telling her that he wasn’t going to kiss her at the wedding shop, but he then later kissed her at the fair.”

“Ouch.” Looking in the rear view mirror, you noticed Taehyung was wincing and shaking his head throughout the entire thing. “You’re telling me this all happened when I was gone? Is this kind of a sick joke? Am I being pranked right now?” 

“Actually it all happened in a span of four days,” Tiffany corrected. “Nothing exciting between those two happened until now. If you had came back a little earlier, you would have seen it. Or maybe it wouldn’t have had happened at all. Or maybe it could have ended with them having sex!”

“And thank you for that very detailed, helpful and unnecessary recap,” you deadpanned. “I’m sure Taehyung is now caught up and very confused.”

Having a blank expression on his face, he blinked. “I’m not confused but I’m sure you are, huh?”

“I don’t know,” you said.

His eyes narrowed. “Do you like him now?” 

“I don’t know.” 

“But Tae, we can agree that Jimin likes her, right?” Tiffany asked happily; she was practically living the dream. Somehow, she managed to become the biggest shipper of you and Jimin. “There’s no waayyy he doesn’t.” 

“He said he doesn’t!” You argued. “Tae, back me up.” 

Your jaw dropped as Taehyung tilted his head, trying to think. He was hesitating to answer and scratched the back of his neck. “I actually don’t know either.” 

“See!” Tiffany gawked, crossing her arms. “He knows, but he doesn’t want to say it.” 

“I really don’t know,” he said. “I don’t want to give you false hope or anything, like, he hasn’t told me anything. I mean, from what I know, you two are best friends, and Jimin might just be...lonely from the break up and me being away? Perhaps, lonely isn’t the right word, but he always said he didn’t like you like that.”

“But...” Tiffany pressured him to go on. 

“Maybe there’s no but!” You snapped at Tiffany. 

“There’s a but,” Taehyung said much to your dismay. You could feel his eyes trying to stare at yours through the mirror, but you focused on the road and cars around you. “I think he has liked you the whole time. He’s just realizing it.”

“Why would you think he has liked me this whol-” Taehyung cut you off. 

“Jimin stayed because of you.” 

You wanted to slam on the brakes and give everyone whiplash; maybe then they’ll feel the pain you were feeling at that moment. Instead, you clenched the steering wheel, focused on the road and kept driving.

The car was suddenly silent. Everyone stopped talking at once and breathed silently. It seemed like everyone’s heart had stopped beating. The only thing that could be heard were the cars driving and moving around you. At least between and Taehyung, too many thoughts and possibilities ran through your minds.

“Am I not understanding something? What is he talking about?” Tiffany asked you, not reading the room. “What do you mean he stayed? What was he going to leave for?”

“He was supposed to go to Japan with Taehyung,” you said in a low voice. 

You remembered when Taehyung told you. It was about three months ago, two weeks before he left. You were at his dorm, playing Mario Party with Jimin as Jin played computer games in his room. Taehyung had walked in around midnight with grocery bags. He was silent at first, but still managed to tell you the news of his trip that night.

“Hey,” you said while focusing on the TV screen in front of you. You were in the middle of the couch; Taehyung sat on the right side and Jimin sat on the left side. 

“It’s official! I’m going abroad for a few weeks for my work course class,” Taehyung said. “It’s in Japan.”

“Japan?!” Pausing the game, your eyes widened in shock. Squealing, you wrapped your arms around your cousin. He chuckled and hugged you back with the same eagerness. “Tae, that’s amazing. When do you go?”

“In a couple of weeks,” he replied, pulling away from you. He had the biggest smile on his face. It was the kind of smile that automatically made anyone smile. “Me and Jimin in Toyoko is going to be amazing.” 

The color drained out of your face. “What?”

He grimaced once he saw the confused look on your face. He then looked at Jimin. “You didn’t tell her?” 

There was this feeling of pain in your chest once you thought about the possibility of not having your best friend around. It was something you never felt before. The thought of Jimin leaving you made you feel uneasy. 

As bad as it sound, you knew that you were going to be okay without your cousin. You knew he was going to think about you and come back. He was family. Even if he wanted to leave you, he couldn’t. He was always going to come back to you.

On the other hand, you didn’t know if you were going to be okay if Jimin went to Japan. He was your best friend, and you two were practically inseparable. A part of you would feel lost without him. You wondered if he felt the same: Would he feel lost without you? Would he think about you? Would he choose to come back to you?

Tears were starting to fill your eyes.

You turned your head to Jimin. He was sitting on the opposite side of you, and he had already been staring at you. There was a blank expression on his face as he waited for your reaction. “You’re leaving too?” 

“No, no, no,” he denied quickly. Sadness overtook his face once he realized you were crying. Grabbing your hand, he squeezed it to give you reassurance. “I was considering it, but honestly, I didn’t really want to. Plus it couldn’t even fit in my schedule.”

“But-” Not letting you finish your sentence, he pulled you into a hug. You buried your face into his chest and had your tears stain his dark grey cotton t-shirt. You knew Jimin hated seeing you sad, but you couldn’t help it. “I was so scared.”

"Sweetheart, I’m not going anywhere,” he whispered into your ear, quiet enough for only you to hear it. Jimin knew how to calm you down better than everyone else. He rubbed your back and held you so tightly. His touch gave you reassurance and made you feel safe. “I’m staying here with you.” 

“When he hugged you, he looked me in the eye and mouthed ‘I’m staying for her.’ And he did. He stayed for you.” 

You felt too many feelings all at once. You felt guilty for being the reason he gave up an opportunity. You felt selfish for not encouraging him to go; you should have been happy for him. You felt like you were a terrible best friend. Were you really the reason why he stayed?

Tiffany read you easily and knew you were not at ease. She nervously scoffed, thinking of an excuse to calm you down. “We don’t know that. Her could have meant a lot of things, like, his mom or even Jessica! They were dating at this time.” 

“Jimin wanted to break up with Jessica.” Finally you slammed on the brakes and everyone came forward, hitting their head on something. “Ouch! What the hell?!” 

“What?!” Tiffany shouted, not caring about the pain she was feeling in her head. 

“He didn’t tell me that,” you argued. 

“Well, he told me.” Taehyung shrugged, acting like this whole reveal was nothing special. “It’s not like he was trying to hook up with girls in Japan or something like that, but they were going through a rough patch and he was just tired of it.”

“A rough patch? What could have they gone through? They literally were together all the time unless he was with-” Tiffany’s eyes widened in realization. She gasped. “They were fighting over Y/N.” 

“I’m sorry, what?” A car behind you honked their horn at you. 

“You should drive. We’re holding traffic,” Taehyung said. “Plus I’m trying to go home to get ready for the party tonight.”

“Is this true?” You started driving again. 

“Think about it, Y/N,” Tiffany said. “It had to be about you.”

You sighed and rolled your eyes. 

There was nothing to think about. Jessica couldn’t possibly fight about you when she didn’t even know you at all. You two had never once hung out or even had a proper decent conversation. Whenever she saw you with your best friend, she would take him away and leave you alone. Jimin always suggested the idea of the three of you hanging out, but she always denied. She also denied all the times Jimin invited her to hang out with you and the boys and always went home early once you started hanging out with them. 

It was like she didn’t even want to be in the same room with you.

“Oh my god.” You quickly facepalmed yourself before focusing on the road again. “She was jealous of my friendship with Jimin.” 

“Bro code,” Taehyung said. “I can’t confirm or deny.”

“Bitch, y’all are family! Just tell us!” Tiffany begged. “I am tired of this!”

“Are we there yet?” He asked. “I suddenly can’t be here anymore. I have to feed my cactus.”

She scoffed at Taehyung. “All men do is lie.”

___ 

“Hey, I was looking for you.” Feeling a pair of arms wrapped around your waist, you turned your head to Jimin behind you. He smiled at you before kissing your cheek.

“Hey, happy birthday.” Although Jimin did this all the time, you felt different. There was a tingly feeling growing in your abdomen, and your knees felt like they were giving up, about to fall to the floor. He kissed your cheek once more, making you giggle. “You look good.”

“Thanks, I guess.” You laughed at his comment, not understanding how he managed to like your black tube top and camo sweats. “You look good too.” 

He was wearing a white long-sleeve button up tucked into his black skinny jeans. His hair was now dyed lighter to a brown. He had always looked good, but there was just something about him tonight that made your heart flutter.

“How much did you have to drink already?” You asked.

He puffed his cheeks out and shook his head. “Haven’t had anything. And you?”

“I’ll be right back,” Namjoon, whom you were talking to before Jimin came, excused himself. Before you could tell him to stay, he already went to the kitchen where everyone else was socializing and getting drinks from. 

“I haven’t had anything either.” 

His grip on your waist tightened. “Do you want a drink? Water? Chips? Food?”

“Not right now. Maybe later.” Jimin pecked your cheek again. He let go of you once you turned around to face him. “What’s up with you, brat?” 

“I haven’t seen you all day, and I wanted to talk to my best friend,” he answered over the loud blaring music around you. “Is there something so wrong with that?” 

You raised your eyebrows. He was using the tone he used when he wanted something; you knew him too well. “What do you want?” 

"Nothing,” he lied, biting his lower lip. 

“When are you going to realize I know your tell?” Jimin laughed at your comment. “Did you want me to cancel the strippers Tae ordered? Because I don’t think I can do that.” 

“The what?!” The smile on his face disappeared as terror took over his face. 

“Why are you surprised? He’s been doing this since we started uni four years ago.” And every time it happens, it just gets worse and worse. Every year, you think to yourself ‘it can’t be as terrible as last year’ but somehow it always does. 

“Give me a warning when they come, so I can hide from the whole thing. I am telling you everyone enjoys it way more than I do.” He shook his head. “I don’t think I can handle it this year.”

“Why not?” 

“I rather have y-”

“And that’s where I stop you, bud.” You rolled your eyes. “What do you really want then?” 

“Wanna get out of here?” He paused, but then continued speaking before you could reproach him. “Just for a little bit, not the whole time. I promise we’ll come back. You know I won’t let the guys’ hard work go to waste.” 

“Twenty minutes.” 

______

“You know it’s been a while since we’ve left a party sober,” Jimin joked as the both of you walked together on the sidewalk beside each other. He had his hands tucked in the pocket of his black skinny jeans. 

“I think we’ve only left sober like three times.” You chuckled as you looked down at the ground. No matter the stride, big or small, you and Jimin always walked in sync with each other. He always found a way to follow the way you walk. “And there were all when I first moved in Taehyung.” 

“You know, me and Taehyung thought you were going to be a light weight,” he admitted.

“You’re kidding!” You laughed as you rolled your eyes. “I can’t believe you’re just now telling me this! Why did you guys think that?” 

“We didn’t know you had prior experience before coming to parties with us,” Jimin said. “From what I remembered was that you were always a square and taking care of him at family gatherings while he snuck down liquor down his throat.” 

“He wouldn’t know because he would always drink early and pass out when I do shots with the rest of the family.” 

Jimin laughed. “Can you believe it’s been six years? I didn’t realize it’s been that long since we’ve became friends.” 

One of your favorite things in the world was looking and understanding other people’s perspectives and personality; out of all the people you know, you think Jimin’s is your favorite. 

No matter what, Jimin always made sure to be the most understanding person ever. He always knew what to say whether it was to cheer you up, comfort you, make you laugh or make you cry; it was very rarely where you were mad from his words or his actions. 

When everyone else talked about the time you moved here, everyone just thinks of it of the time you moved in with Taehyung or the time of your mom’s passing, but Jimin, on the other hand, looked at it at a more positive note; he looked at the time as the day you and your friendship started. 

Before you could get sidetracked, you had to ask him. “Why didn’t you tell me you wanted to break up with Jessica?” 

The smile on his face dropped. “What are you talking about?” 

“Right before Taehyung went to Japan. You wanted to break up with her.” Your statement sounded like more of a question.  

From the look of his face, you could tell he was hiding something, but he tried to play it off cool. “I mean, we still stayed together, so it didn’t really matter if I wanted to break up with her or not.” 

“What?” You asked in disbelief, not understanding his argument. “That’s not the point, like, at all, dude. You lied to me.” 

He shrugged his shoulders as if he didn’t have a care in the world. “If you knew why, you would feel bad about yourself, and I rather have you feel mad towards me.” 

“Well, I feel bad about myself and am mad at you, so if you wanted that to happen, then good job.” You both stopped in your tracks to look at each other. “You lied to me, Jimin, and now I’m the reason why you and her aren’t together anymore.”

“You shouldn’t feel bad at all.” Jimin shook his head. “I clearly stated that you literally do not do anything wrong, and that we are just best friends. It was her problem that she didn’t get that through her head. It had nothing to do with you.”

“Please don’t tell me you gave her an ultimatum.” You gave Jimin a death glare.

“Deal with our friendship or lose me?” He scoffed. “Of course I did.”

“Jimin!” 

“You are more important to me than any relationship. They know you mean a lot to me, and they should know that I’m not going to throw away our friendship for them.” 

You couldn’t help but to look down at your feet. You were relieved that Jimin cared about you, but it just confused you even more: did he feel something too? 

“What’s wrong?” He put his hands on his shoulders. “Talk to me, Y/N.” 

“I just wished you didn’t keep this from me,” you quietly let out. “We don’t keep secrets from each other.”

Jimin chuckled before wrapping his arms around you and pulling you into a gentle hug. He kissed the top of your head and rubbed your back in small circles before using his sweet voice. “I’m sorry. Please don’t be mad at me.”

“You know I’m never mad at you.” He sighed in relief, knowing you had already forgiven him. “Let’s head back before everyone else gets mad.”

As you and Jimin walked back to the party in silence, you couldn’t help but to let your thoughts consume you: no matter what happens, you knew that you would always forgive Jimin; he was your Achilles’ heel. 

But you didn’t know if you could forgive him when the time comes and he suddenly realizes someone will be more important than you and your friendship with him. You couldn’t simply be mad at him for living his life without you but you don’t know if you could forgive him when he breaks your heart. 

_______

Just by looking at you, Taehyung knew you weren’t okay after coming back from your walk with Jimin. He obviously didn’t know what to say, but he knew he couldn’t stop you from drinking every cup filled with alcohol; he just made sure to look after you.

“Do you want to talk about it?” He asked as the both of you were in the kitchen, next to the keg where everyone was focused, watching the birthday strippers with Jimin. 

“What is there to talk about?” You asked before swallowing your drink down.

“Like, I don’t know. Did something happened between the both of you?”

“No.” Your cousin raised his eyebrows at you. “And maybe that’s the problem. Nothing will happen, and I don’t think I’m okay about that.” 

“Do you like him then?” 

“Yes,” you said in a small voice that you couldn’t even recognized. “Hell, I might even love him and that hurts my heart.”

“Maybe you should tell him,” he suggested as if it was the easiest thing in the world. “Look, I know it’s bothering you now if you’re drinking this much from a walk with him. I already know you’re going to be a mess once the alcohol kicks in, but I can’t imagine when there’s nothing to distract you. That feeling is just going to kill you.” 

“And you don’t think it’s going to kill me to risk my friendship when he probably doesn’t feel the same way, Tae?” You snapped. 

“Hey, what’s going on?” Yoongi asked with a strange look on his face. The main event must have ended. Everyone was back to socializing with each other and was starting to gather around the kitchen again. “Everything alright?” 

“Just peachy,” you answered, taking another sip of your drink. “Do you want to be my partner for beer pong?” 

“Not in the mood to play,” Yoongi answered. He turned around, beckoning Jin to come over. “But Jin’s actually looking for a partner to play against Jimin and Jungkook.”

You looked over to Taehyung who shook his head in disapproval. “Sounds perfect.”

“Yeah, what’s up?” Jin asked when he finally reached the three of you.

“Man, good luck,” Taehyung said. “Promise me that you’ll take care of her.” 

Jin laughed and promised Taehyung before putting his arm around you and walking over to the dinning room table where Jungkook and Jimin were at the opposite side of the table, setting up the cups. They were both laughing as they tried ridiculous cup formations for the game.

“Are you guys hooking up again?” Jungkook joked as he saw the both of you. 

Not understanding his joke, Jimin looked up to what Jungkook was looking at and saw you and Jin. The smile quickly disappeared from his face, and he straighten his posture as he stood next to Jungkook

“Nice joke, but you won’t be laughing when we beat your asses,” Jin taunted as he let go of you. 

“I’m not even laughing now,” Jimin retorted.

“Are you okay?” You asked Jimin, scrunching his eyebrows together.

“Let’s just start,” Jungkook said before he could let Jimin answer you. 

The alcohol finally hit you like a ton a bricks right as the game started. You were out of it and couldn’t aim properly, missing almost all your shots. Despite the fact that you looked like a whole clown playing against the pros, Jin laughed and reassured you it was okay as he made almost all the shots in.

It was basically a competition between Jin and Jungkook as you and Jimin stood there to drink. 

“I think we should stop before Y/N here passes out,” Jin suggested as he bounced the ball on the table. He noticed you gotten a lot more quiet and were slowly drifting your eyes whenever you had the chance.

“She can take care of herself.” Jimin groaned as the ball its way into the cup. He was as drunk as you were. “It’s her decision.” 

“Dude, are you okay?” Jungkook asked him as Jimin put the cup down. “You’ve been off your A-game and kind of hostile this entire game.” 

“Are you okay?” Jimin asked, ignoring Jungkook. “Do you want to lay down in my room?” 

“Can we?” You asked, ready to fall asleep. “I’m a little dizzy or I need a nap.”

Ignoring Jungkook’s questions still, Jimin left Jungkook’s side and stood next to you, putting his hand out. He waited for you to grab it as the both of you walked to his bedroom as the party continued on. 

“Do you want to change?” He asked as you headed towards the bed, already getting under the his gray covers. You haven’t been since he started Jessica, and you forgot how much you loved the smell of his fabric soften and him. “Are you sure?” 

“Mhm.” Jimin laughed as he got under the covers, laying right next to you with your back facing him. “I’m so tired.”

“I know.” Without asking, he put his arm around you to hold you. “And you looked so good.” 

“Hmmm,” you replied as you were drifting to sleep.

“If you gave me the green light, I wouldn’t hold back,” he said. “But I love you so much and I already am content with holding you like this.”

__ 

lowkey not proofread but enjoy confusing bff jimin :) 

[violet-t-9]

Check in on my (not very realistic) wish list for episode 140

1. Nobody in the party perma-dies in the potential battle against Lucien/the Somnovem (temporary unconsciousness is to be expected).

Jester did not perma-die! Nooo Caleb no don’t die please wow this is one of my nightmares- ok Lucien died nvm Caleb you are fine WHEW. No perma-deaths. NOT EVEN MOLLY

2. The group discovers/uses more new eye functions that we have not seen before during the combat (unlikely, but still may be brought up).

Nope, but telepathy did get used for communication a lot, so that was fun.

3. They successfully defeat Lucien, stop/destroy the city and prevent the end of the world by the end of the episode.

Well, Lucien is stopped before the break at least!

4. A glimpse of Molly is shown before Lucien is defeated (e.g. he starts to remember them, etc) due to their effort to try to reach him/trigger his memories.

They got him to lose so many legendary reactions! Lucien also clawed his own face and torn himself apart in the end, so I’m going to count this as Molly, fighting back to protect his friends.

5. Beau and Yasha battle couple moments and possibly a passionate kiss after.

They didn’t get many power couple moments in this fight. However, Beau and Yasha’s consistent damage output brought them so much closer to success! ALSO YES A POST-BATTLE KISS I KNEW IT I CALLED IT the healing hands hug too nice.

6. More mind control attempts occur in combat (emphasis on the “attempt”).

Well yes, against Essek again (thankfully failed) and Yasha with the nightmare cage. Caleb mind blank was so clutch, at least SOMEBODY cannot be mind-controlled here. No Veth got charmed oh no.

7.  Fjord and Jester healing/saving each other and some sweet moments after.

Jester healed Fjord among the mass cure wounds as well! Also the fire resistance ring still played a role! Aww the hug in the marine layer fog was so cute! Also ayy they recovered the Cloven Crystal hahaha. Nice moment!

8. Artagan/sprinkle is mentioned/makes an appearance.

The divine intervention attempt by Jester almost succeeded Nooo. Thanks for showing up at Caleb’s revival at least.

9. Obligatory wish for Essek’s fancy dunamancy or magical items (can we please stay away from Lucien for like one round and let him use dark star).

TETHER ESSENCE YAY!! Loved the description. No dark star sad (Matt WAS saving for it), but 8th level gravity fissure is still cool though! It was unfortunate because Essek had such a high initiative as well, but all is well.

10. Obligatory wish for the polymorph spell.

Look this is just a permanent feature ono this list.

11. Obligatory wish for Essek’s room in the tower.

Look this is just a permanent feature on this list.

12. Obligatory wish for Cad being a MVP in and out of combat.

Cad’s revivify on Jester THANK YOU CAD (also thanks Caleb for getting her to him so he can bring her back quickly). JESTER HDYWTDT YES thanks to path of the grave from Cad. I knew it, Cad is always a MVP. 13. Veth being attracted to Lucien’s Astral Washboard (still reeling from the “you are not my type... but maybe you are?”)

“Kind of like a minotaur” LMAO Veth I knew it. Even in the final boss battle... That aside, Veth is such a MVP in terms of damage. Rogues, man! She did so much on Lucien and had evasion which was clutch.

14. creepy but awesome lair actions from Cognouza the flesh horror city under Lucien’s control + other new moves from Lucien’s secondary form.

Summon Cataclysm?? Will Aether?? Oh no Caduceus :( Nightmare Cage?? Yasha :( LAIR ACTION WITH PATTERNS oh NO- whew everyone rolled high thank you Jester for the Heroes’ Feast. The EYES get to go?? FOLD SPACE?? The 6 bladed attacks on Veth OH NO. NO Caleb got thrown with a tower at Essek wow those legendary actions sure are pretty strong.

15. They get to the end of the combat without anyone reaching 9 eyes.

YES! This happened! I’m so glad that the timer, whatever it was, did not activate in the Lucien fight.

16. Their eyes vanish after they defeat Lucien/destroy the city.

YES! YES! I knew it! Ayyyyyyy 

17. Caleb uses more fire/customized/dunamantic spells creatively or with nice flair (what’s sexier than wizards NOTHING).

He WILLED a glaive to hit Lucien I love you sexy wizard I literally love your imagination and creativity Widogast this is why you are my favourite. CALEB WITH YOUR MIRROR IMAGE YOU ABSOLUTE TANK I LOVE YOU SO MUCH.

18. Fjord uses his vestige in battle (come on that’s a star razor you’ve got there).

I... Marine layer also works, sure. Also you know what, Eldritch blast rules anyways. Fjord has always been a perfect warlock (and paladin probably).

19. Veth successfully using the Aeorian security cannon’s feature to hit again OR Veth using a fluffernutter.

Wow did not expect ASC to succeed in the first round, but it did! I’m so proud of you ASC.

20. The city’s inhabitants get freed from their fates of perpetual screaming.

“You hear whispers in your mind” YES! They are grateful and they are freed!

21. The party’s reaction when any member goes down (give me the angst).

No Veth is down... OOF. Nooo Jester NOO! Cad was almost down (death ward clutch). I regret wanting angst I’m sorry! I mean I knew it was going to happen. No Caleb is down Nooo I regret everything why did I want angst?! CALEB NO I didn’t want angst I didn’t-

22. Yasha uses her undead barbarian superpowers to fight on 0 hitpoints forever because she is awesome.

You know what, I’m glad she never got to 0 HP. So many party members went down already. 

23. Obligatory wish for everyone to remain relatively happy and alive by the end of the episode except Lucien, and the episode hopefully does NOT end on a terrifying cliffhanger because they win.

WOW, I was right. We got it, guys. We really got it, a happy ending.

Bonus moments:

Jester’s banishment on Vigilan was nice and quite crucial. Jester and Caduceus remind us every day why having two clerics is necessary for M9. Jester willed the bag of holding back to them lol.

Fjord THANK YOU for the Fastidan kill, that eye was such a menance. 

The wizards helping each other in battle were such nice moments.

Molly fighting back and helping them until the end :( WAIT is Caleb going to raise dead with his transmuter stone YES THE RITUAL I’m about to cry from Yasha, Jester and Beau... No NATURAL 1... WAIT DIVINE INTERVENTION?? 2% WHAT THAT WAS A WHIPLASH. EXCUSE ME WHILE I GO CRY. DUDE THE IRONY OF CAD BRINGING MOLLY BACK THOUGH.

Score: 17/23 

Wow what an emotional rollercoaster oh man oh man

What a story

I love them so much

See you next Thursday!

[dianapocalypse]

Alright y’all, with the release of Mass Effect: Legendary Edition, it’s time for me to share my playlist for the entire trilogy.

I’ve refined this over like six years so scientifically speaking it’s probably good right. oh also it’s four hours long. so if you have a road trip or a boring job, this one’s for you. disclaimer, it’s entirely possible I have garbage taste in music. I also missed some characters and moments because there’s 65 songs here and I am merely human.

If you don’t have the patience for four hours, I recommend starting at track 45 and listening to the end, as the Mass Effect 3 portion is the strongest in my opinion.

UNDER THE CUT FOR DESCRIPTIONS WE GO!

FIRST MOVEMENT - MASS EFFECT 1

1. Atlas - Coldplay Eden Prime

“Sometimes the wire Must tense for the note Caught in the fire, say oh We're about to explode“

I really like the atmosphere of this song. It’s ominous, but also somehow hopeful, and makes me feel like Something Huge Is Coming.

2. I Will Not Sing A Hateful Song - Constantines Paragon Shepard

“But I was also born and raised To always speak and listen clear To know the last sound that I make Could be the last sound that I hear“

OK, listen, I think this song is about vampires, and I’m not sure if it’s supposed to be a metaphor or not. But I think this is a great song about controlling one’s temper, about knowing that you have to Rise Above the parts of you that want to lash out sometimes to get things done and have peace. Seeing as how paragon Shepard, to me, always seems like they’re three deep breaths away from snapping, but manage to keep it in check, it fits them to a T.

And also maybe they’re a vampire.

3. Hard to Kill - Beth Crowley Renegade Shepard

“So I let the rumors Turn me into a legend 'Cause I'm only human But a good myth is hard to kill”

This one’s a recent addition, but holy cow, I love it for Renegade Shep, particularly an Earthborn or Ruthless, but it works for any of them.

4. We Own the Skies - Five Iron Frenzy Joker

“My hands are bleeding where they often crack The stars will sometimes burn with longing Through the choking black Of night shifts piling each against the next”

This really vibes with Joker’s backstory for me, his super driven serious self in flight school, contrasted with who he is when he can fly a ship. He’s the best pilot in the goddamn fleet and I love him.

5. I Just Wanna See - Smash Mouth Kaidan Alenko

“Mister moon checkin' on how y'all livin' The stars all winkin' at the day that's dimmin' I just wanna see”

This song fits into his reactions to first showing up at the Citadel and his former romanticism about living in space. Ironically, it’s a song about Earth, but I feel like it works well for him. Also, Smash Mouth absolutely sounds like the kind of music Kaidan would listen to, no I will not be taking questions or constructive criticism.

6. Don’t Give Up - Noisettes Ashley Williams

“She's got a talented face and a suitcase Ain't got no desire to go no place In her case she's got no desire with her hand in the flame say's she don't feel the fire “

The energy of this song is just perfect for Ashley’s no-nonsense chip on her shoulder attitude.

7. About As Helpful As You Can Be Without Being Any Help At All - Dan Mangan The Council

“I was thrown in the boat/Cast out to sea Friendly with waves/There were sharks below Hungry for me/So I dangled my leg”

I mean, the title says it all.

8. The Captain - Guster Anderson

“Courageous, just like the captain Marching forward with no doubt in his head”

I have adored this song ever since my friend played it for me, and it’s the ultimate mentor-protégé jam for me.

9. Secret Agent Man - Johnny Rivers Garrus Vakarian

“Here's a man who leads a life of danger To everyone he meets he stays a stranger Oh, with every move he makes another chance he takes The odds are he won't live to see tomorrow”

I have to poke a little fun at Garrus and how seriously he takes himself in Mass Effect 1. I romanced him across four playthrus, I’m allowed!

10. I’m Getting Too Old For This Shit - Kill Lincoln Urdnot Wrex

“This random apathy/I swear it's killing me But I guess it's all the same, till the devil knows my name”

I don’t know ANYTHING about this band, but this song fits Wrex’s disillusionment with the Krogan well, plus, like. The title. (And also, that he secretly DOES care what happens to the Krogan.)

11. Bird Song - Juniper Vale Tali’zorah nar Rayya

“I want to dance on the horizon line But there is something I am caged behind I have a heart made for take flight But I'm low, so low”

I adore this song and the sound of Juniper Vale in general. The etherealness of this one, combined with the youthful optimism, feels very Tali. The line about ‘something I am caged behind’ works well for the suits, too. This one’s especially good if you’re a Talimancer!

12. 11. Green Garden - Laura Mvula Liara T’Soni

“And I’ll fly on the wings of a butterfly High as a tree top and down again Putting my bag down, taking my shoes off Walk on the carpet of green velvet”

I really like this song’s vibes and I feel like Liara fits it well, particularly in ME1, before all her youthful optimism is stripped from her. The scenery descriptions feel very Thessia, too.

13. Feed Me (Git It) - Little Shop of Horrors The Thorian 

“The guy sure looks like plant food to me!”

Do you get it. Do you get my joke. It’s because the Thorian is a plant that eats people. (I’m not funny)

14. Blindness - Metric Matriarch Benezia

“I was a blind fool, never complained All the survivors singing in the rain “

I don’t love the use of blind here as a negative, albeit metaphorical, descriptor, but I think this song fits Benezia’s indoctrination and death well. If you have suggestions for another, though, let me know!

15. Technologic - Daft Punk Saren

“Buy it, use it, break it, fix it, trash it, change it, mail, upgrade it”

I just think it’s Neat

16. Watershed - Vienna Teng The Reapers

“ While you were building your empires I was still sleeping”

I think this is the song that inspired the entire playlist. Vienna Teng sat down and decided to write a song from the perspective of a natural disaster, and it’s so ominous and gut-wrenching.

17. Hourglass - The Hush Sound Virmire

“This is how it ends We believe every lie and say we'll be friends How long will it last? Before we scratch all the scripts and we rework the cast “

hahahahah rework the cast get it because you have to pick who DIES

Seriously tho I really like this song for Virmire and that moment of choice that feels like it lasts 100 years on some playthroughts.

18. Pompeii - Bastille The Siege of the Citadel

“ And the walls kept tumbling down In the city that we love”

Throwback to when this song was on the radio like three times an hour. Which is around the time I made the first draft of this playlist, incidentally! It’s such a good Final Battle Jam for the Citadel, and the part about “if you close your eyes/does it almost feel like nothing’s changed at all” I think work really well for Shepard in this sequence. Shepard knew the Reapers were coming, had been fighting them all along; this attack on the Citadel is just retreading familiar territory for them, as horrifying as the war being brought to their doorstep is for the Citadel’s citizens and the council. James Vega has some good dialogue about that kind of thing in ME3.

INTERLUDE THE FIRST

19. Starships - Nicki Minaj The Normandy Crew

Starships were meant to fly Hands up and touch the sky

I like to have a little fun OK

20. Gravity - Yoko Kanno The Death of Commander Shepard

“Am I alone? is somebody there beyond these heavy aching feet still the road keeps on telling me to go on”

Welcome to mood whiplash, it’s my specialty! This is the part where you die. I think it also works for her coma very well, when she’s just drifting between life and death, not sure what’s going on, but something keeps trying to pull her back to the world.

SECOND MOVEMENT - MASS EFFECT 2

21. The Phoenix - Fall Out Boy The Lazarus Project

“Hey young blood, doesn't it feel like our time is running out? I'm gonna change you like a remix Then I'll raise you like a phoenix “

this song has no right to go as hard as it does and if  you think it’s melodramatic shut up

22. My Body Is A Cage - Peter Gabriel Commander Shepard

“I'm living in an age Whose name I don't know Though the fear keeps me moving Still my heart beats so slow “

This works particularly well if you romanced The Virmire Survivor, but this song captures the energy of Shepard freaking out bc they are trapped with Cerberus, because Cerberus rebuilt their body from the ground up. That jarring, caged feeling is so palpable in ME2 that when they gave me back Joker the first time I played, I BURST INTO SOBS from relief.

23. The Lady is a Vamp - The Spice Girls Miranda Lawson

“That's all in the past, legends built to last But she's got something new”

Listen. She’s a bond babe. Handbags, heels and pistols rock. She’s got class. This is a song about Miranda. That is all.

24. Kryptonite - 3 Doors Down Jacob Taylor

“ I watched the world float to the dark side of the moon After all I knew, it had to be something to do with you “

This one’s about the Vibes for me. Also can apply to his past relationship with Miranda. I’m also super showing my age on this song, oof haha.

25. Stable Song - Death Cab For Cutie Colony Abduction

“Rows of deserted houses all Our stable mates highway bound “

I really like the mood of this one for showing up on the very first abducted colony, the eerieness and sadness of it all and Shepard’s resolve to do something about it.

26. Konichiwa Bitches - Robyn Kasumi Goto

“I'm so very hot that when I rob your mansion You ain't call the cops, you call the fire station”

THAT COUPLET ALONE MAKES THE ENTIRE SONG. I love how playful and cheeky it is.

27. Seven Nation Army Glitch Mob Remix - The White Stripes, Glitch Mob Zaeed Massani

“And I'm talking to myself at night Because I can't forget Back and forth through my mind Behind a cigarette”

Pretty sure we all had this on some playlist or another when it came out, and it’s the perfect Badass With A Grudge song.

28. Science is Real - They Might Be Giants Mordin Solus

“ And when a theory emerges Consistent with the facts The proof is with science The truth is with science “

This one actually got added by my wife to replace a song that wasn’t on Spotify, but that has the same energy; Hank Green’s “I Fucking Love Science”. I get more into the emotional side of Mordin in the ME3 section, but I also really just love his Hamster On Coffee energy and this song captures it really well.

29. Prove Yourself - Radiohead Garrus Vakarian

“I can't afford to breathe in this town Nowhere to sit without a gun in my hand Hooked back up to the cathode ray

I'm better off dead “

The absolute rock bottom mental state Garrus is in when you get back to him in ME2 is so heartwrenching. Might not always agree with my boy’s methods, but he’s one of my favorite fictional characters of all time.

30. Rat a Tat - Fallout Boy Feat. Courtney Love Jack

“We are professional ashes of roses, this kerosene's live You settled your score, this is where you come to beg”

It helps that Courtney Love sounds exactly like Jack to me, NGL.

31. Defeat You - Smash Mouth Grunt

“Hey I know what you've done It makes it that much better to defeat you “

Only I am brave enough to put two songs by Smash Mouth on the same playlist, to be shared in 2021

32. The Boy Who Blocked His Own Shot - Brand New Horizon/The Virmire Survivor

“If it makes you less sad I will die by your hand Hope you find out what you want Already know what I am “

Hits harder if you romanced the Virmire Survivor. Mostly from Shep’s perspective. This is a Shep that feels Bad after that encounter rather than Mad, so Your Mileage May Vary.

33. Violet Stars Happy Hunting! - Janelle Monae Tali’zorah vas Neema

“I'm an alien from outer space I'm a cyber-girl without a face a heart or a mind”

I just like the vibes of this one for Tali! I know it’s more about an actual AI but...IDK. I like it. So there.

34. Comfortably Numb - Pink Floyd Thane Krios

“There is no pain you are receding A distant ship smoke on the horizon”

This song works both on a Literal level with his Kepral’s syndrome struggles, but also Metaphorical re: his Battle Sleep. Plus, Thane is a dad, so he gets Dad Rock.

35. My Medea - Vienna Teng Samara

“For I have made her prison be Her every step away from me And this child I would destroy If you tried to set her free “

Mom of the year award, here

36. Toxic - Britney Spears Morinth

“There's no escape, I can't wait I need a hit, baby, give me it You're dangerous, I'm loving it”

If Morinth weren’t so under-utilized after recruitment and didn’t get killed off in the background of ME3 I’d probably actually recruit her sometimes. I almost did on my most recent playthru bc that Shepard just HATES SPACE COPS. Anyway the song explains itself

37. Turn me On - David Guetta feat. Nicki Minaj EDI/The Collector Attack

“My body needs a hero Come and save me Something tells me you know how to save me”

I know this song is a metaphor but also it works really well both literally and metaphorically for Joker saving EDI

38. Robots - Dan Mangan Legion

“Robots need love too They want to be loved by you “

The Geth just want to live peacefullyyyyyy 

39. Be Still - The Killers Love Interest Theme

“Be still / someday you’ll leave fearlessness on your sleeve”

This song works so well for the night before Omega-4. If you had an ME2 love interest, anyway. Also “fearlessness on your sleeve” is one of my favorite set of words ever written.

40. No Cars Go - Arcade Fire The Omega-4 Relay

“We know a place no spaceships go We know a place where no subs go “

This one’s pretty literal.

41. Rocketman - Elton John Suicide Mission

“ And I think it's gonna be a long, long time 'Til touchdown brings me 'round again to find I'm not the man they think I am at home “

I like sneaking some Classics onto my playlists, and I think this is how I generally approach Shepard’s mindset during the Suicide Mission, mostly the chorus. I’m also a sucker for ballads during action sequences. This one isn’t a perfect 1:1 but the Vibes check out.

42. Blast Off - David Guetta feat. Kaz James The Normandy Crew

“Got all my people with me And none of us give a fuck So put dem hands up higher Let's smash this party up”

You have to imagine they partied HARD after recovering from Suicide Mission, but before Shep got arrested, right??? This is the Starships for ME2.

INTERLUDE THE SECOND

43. I’m Not Your Hero - Tegan and Sara Liara T’soni

“ Feeling like I am now lighting up the hall I was used to standing in the shadow of a damaged heart Learning all I know now, losing all I did I never used to feel like I'd be standing so far ahead “

This feels like a good coming of age moment for Liara, as she copes with the choices she made in the 2 years of Shepard’s death (giving them to Cerberus), losing Feron, etc. This is her coming into her own as the Shadow Broker. She’s not meant to be an uncomplicated Big Damn Hero, but she can do good from this position.

44. The Well and the Lighthouse - Arcade Fire The Alpha Relay Incident

“I'm serving time All for a crime I did commit You want the truth? You know I'd do it all again“

These opening lines I feel capture the Alpha Relay Incident really well, and how Shepard did what they HAD to do there, and would do it again, but it still feels like shit. I always wished there was more choice on that mission, but also, having something like that happen without player agency is interesting. Shepard is at their most interesting, I think, in times where we DON’T have a say in what happens to them.

45. Reignite - Malukah Commander Shepard

“Crush my heart into embers, and I will reignite”

Is it cheating to use a Mass Effect fan song on my playlist? I certainly don’t think so, and this is the best Mass Effect fan song ever written.

THIRD MOVEMENT - MASS EFFECT 3

46. This Is War - Thirty Seconds to Mars Leaving Earth

“It's the moment of truth, and the moment to lie The moment to live and the moment to die The moment to fight, the moment to fight To fight, to fight, to fight “

It feels Too Easy to use this here but I’m gonna anyway. You’ve seen AMVs of this set to everything. It’s the ending song of DA:O. It’s the quintessential World At War song.

47. Battleborn - The Killers James Vega

“Up against the wall There's something dying on the street When they knock you down You're gonna get back on your feet”

James Vega is massively underrated and I will love him til I’m cold in the ground. Aro icon.

48. Handlebars - Flobots The Illusive Man

“I can hand out a million vaccinations Or let 'em all die of exasperation Have 'em all healed of their lacerations Have 'em all killed by assassination”

The way this song escalates fits TIM and Cerberus’s fall back into being Just Full On Evil really well. Perfect song for a power trip.

49. Here I Dreamt I Was An Architect - The Decemberists The Virmire Survivor

“And I am nothing of a builder But here I dreamt I was an architect And I built this balustrade To keep you home, to keep you safe From the outside world”

I like this song for how the Virmire Survivor feels about their survivor’s guilt and also about Shepard. I honestly wish they were both more heavily utilized in ME2 and 3, but I realize it’s hard to write a ton of content for characters who just aren’t in half of all peoples’ playthrus.

50. Heaven Knows - The Pretty Reckless Grisson Academy

“One, two, three and four, the devil's knocking at your door Caught in the eye of a dead man's lie Show your life with your head held high“

This song is so perfect for Jack and her biotic kids that she’s one of the only returning characters that gets her own song on this playlist

51. The Great Fire - OK Go Javik

“But when the flames die down, and everything is gone, Will there be fire under the ashes still?”

Self explanatory. Javik is the fire remaining under the ashes.

52. Bring the Hammer Down - Paragon Priority: Tuchanka/Kalros

“ Hammer strikes the anvil A rage that breaks the chain Strikes down like a lightening In our ranks “

KALROOOOOS

53. Wake Up - Arcade Fire Curing The Genophage/Mordin Solus

“If the children don't grow up, Our bodies get bigger but our hearts get torn up. We're just a million little gods causin' rain storms, turnin' every good thing to Rust I guess we'll just have to adjust”

I just really love this song as an image of Mordin’s spirit looking out over Tuchanka as the genophage cure is dispersed, and watching over future generations. If you didn’t cure the genophage, how dare you. No song for you.

Anyway started tearing up listening to this one while writing the description don’t look at me

54. Ballad of a Politician - Regina Spektor Councillor Udina/Priority Citadel 2

“A man inside a room is shaking hands with other men This is how it happens/Our carefully laid plans”

traitor

55. Cyborgs vs. Robots - Ludo The Geth-Quarian War

“But your iron fist will never knock me down 'Cause I'm powered By a conscious right to conduct my life without fear.”

This is probably a bit silly for this awful war. But also. It does fit. You can’t tell me it doesn’t. Just save them both at the end and you can feel fine having some fun with it!

56. Artificial Heart - Jonathan Coulton The Geth

“It's not a real heart It is a real artificial heart”

Just a little fun with the Geth! This works best with Reaper Upgrades.

57. With A Little Help From My Friends - Joe Anderson, Jim Sturgess The Citadel DLC

“What do you see when you turn out the light? I can't tell you, but I know it's mine

Oh, I get by with a little help from my friends”

I happen to prefer this version to any other because of how much fun it sounds like they’re having

58. Dark In Here - The Mountain Goats Priority: Earth

“Steal away at sundown, pick a place to hide Check for signs of ambush, hunker down inside Tired of running, tired of never standing still Hear them riding up the hill“

You know I had to get the Goats in here. Would it be a fan playlist if there wasn’t one?

59. Adieu - Yoko Kanno Leaving your Love Interest/Shepard and the Beam

“My love for you burns deep inside me / So strong Embers of times we had And now, here I stand / Lost in a memory I see your face, and smile”

...do I need to say more than that?

60. My Way (Minor Key) - Chase Holfelder The Indoctrination of The Illusive Man

“Regrets, I've had a few/But then again, too few to mention I did what I had to do/I saw it through, without exemption“

This cover takes this song from something I tolerate when I hear it to one of my FAVORITE songs. The frenzied way he sings the “through it all” verse is PEAK Indoctrinated TIM.

61. I’m Alive - Disturbed Refusal 

“There will never be a reason why I will surrender to your advice To change myself, I'd rather die/Though they will not understand”

Honestly I didn’t “get” the Refusal ending until I heard this song, then I was like, OH, I SEE IT ALL SO CLEARLY NOW. This is my favorite in-universe Shepard take on the Refusal ending. I always got it from the player’s perspective of being dissatisfied with the options, but this one puts it into the world for me. This is a Shepard who does not trust the Starchild. This is a Shepard that chooses to end things on their own terms rather than submit to their designs.

62. Machine - Regina Spektor Control 

“I collect my moments Into a correspondence With a mightier power Who just lacks my perspective And who lacks my organics And who covets my defects “

I used to have Adieu here, actually, because like Refusal, I didn’t used to GET the Control ending. Now, I do, in part thanks to hearing this song. I mean, just go look at the full lyrics. If this song hadn’t been written years before the end of Mass Effect 3, I’d swear it was a fan song for it.

63. Maybe Tomorrow - Yuki Kajiura Destroy 

“The moon is gone And the night is still so dark I'm a little bit afraid of tomorrow“

I’m a Destroy Ending person, I won’t lie. Full on “the starchild is a liar and my synthetic friends are FINE” indoctrination theory level destroy ending. But this song is not about that. It’s about the canonical destroy ending, and if you prefer a Shep that survives it, this song’s for you.

This song captures the exhaustion and melancholy of the end of a long journey so well. Shepard is afraid of what comes next, the collateral damage resulting from their actions. But they know that, at least, it’s over now. Maybe tomorrow will be better.

64. Waiting For the End - Linkin Park Synthesis

“ I know what it takes to move on I know how it feels to lie All I wanna do is trade this life for something new Holding on to what I haven't got”

This is one of my favorite songs of all time. The hardest part of ending is starting again. Oof. Gets me every single time. Shepard finding the resolve to sacrifice themself for the hope of something better, of things not going how they planned, ever, of learning to make peace with that and the people who loved them learning to carry on without them? OOF.

65. Shine - Vienna Teng Epilogue

“Shine with all the untold Hold the light given unto you Find the love to unfold In this broken world we choose“

Vienna Teng is a master of capturing life’s softer emotions, and this fits perfectly with the epilogue scene for me. Tell me again about the Shepard.

“Find the love to unfold in this broken world we choose” has to be one of the greatest lines about the human experience ever written.

[blueaura]

Lost and Found Ch. 3

A/N: Hey guys, just trying my hand out at this fanfic thing. I love reading everyone’s stuff and decided to write something myself. I’m fairly new to Tumblr so any tips or suggestions are highly appreciated. Let me know if y’all like it and would like me to continue. Feedback would be amazing. Thank you and happy reading.

Summary: Sam and Dean meet a young hunter who is a little rough around the edges and they reluctantly take her under their wing. But she might be a little more connected to them that any of them realise.

Word count: 1.9k

Chapter 1 Chapter 2

Chapter 3

16 years ago

It was a slow night. Dean had been scouting out players for half an hour, but no one seemed to be in the gambling mood. Finally giving up, he walked up to the bar, ordered a beer and started to look around. If he couldn’t get money, he could at least get lucky.

“Son of a bitch!” Dean softly swore under his breath, a smirk appearing on his face as he walked towards his target, sitting in the corner of the bar. He didn’t know how he missed it, missed her. What he did know was that his night was about to get a hell of a lot better.

“If it isn’t little Sandy L/N,” Dean had a shit-eating grin on his face as he walked towards her table and paused in front of her, “Always late to the party L/N.”

Sandra looked at Dean with the complete opposite expression. Her usually stoic face was pulled into a scowl as she registered what the hunter was saying.

“You got the werewolf.”

“I got the werewolf,” Dean reiterated, causing Sandra’s frown to deepen. She’d driven for over 8 hours for this hunt.

“Don’t be so mad Sandy, after all, the wolf is dead and it looks like both of us have some free time on our hands now.” Dean’s suggestion wasn’t subtle at all. He made a show of looking at her from head to toe and wriggled his eyebrows playfully.

Sandra sighed. Dean was 5 years younger than her but they always seemed to have a good time. Both parties knew that it was just sex and that was the way she preferred it, but Dean had also just ruined her hunt and she was tempted to turn him down. Looking at him again though, she reconsidered. Angry sex was tempting too.

“Buy me a drink and we’ll see.” That was basically Sandy-talk for ‘Yes, we can have sex but I’m not gonna make it easy for you, asshole’ and Dean knew it.

All in all, it was a fun night. And morning. And afternoon. She left that evening and that was the last time he’d heard from her. After that, he thought about her from time to time but she never did like giving her number to other hunters. Then John disappeared, Jess dies and the world went to shit.

He couldn’t remember the last time he’d thought about her. Until now.

 Present

Dean was too lost in his memory to realise that Sam had been calling his name for a few minutes. Y/N looked at Dean suspiciously. Dean’s reaction to her mother’s name confused her. As far as she knew, her mother didn’t know the Winchesters. She had even warned Y/N on several occasions about the dangers of mixing with the Winchesters. Sandra wasn’t one to mince words, and she didn’t have anything good to say about the infamous hunters. If she had known them, she surely would have told Y/N. The woman had loved to brag.

“Sandy’s dead?” he whispered softly.

So, needless to say she was completely blindsided with Dean’s reaction. He almost sounded … sad, which was weird because her mother wasn’t a person who usually invoked that emotion in people. Anger – yes, frustration – sure. But sadness? Because of her death?

“You knew my mother.” It wasn’t a question but Dean answered anyway.

“Yeah. We were … friends? Sort of.” Dean swore softly under his breath, processing the new information.

Y/N was quiet for a moment.

“Wait a minute. She didn’t have a kid the last time I saw her. She was in town alone, on a case. She stayed with me for almost a day.”

Sam’s brain started working in over drive.

“How long ago was this?” he asked his brother.

“15? 16 years ago?”

Sam looked at Y/N, jaw clenching just for a second.

“Y/N? How old are you exactly?”

Shit, Y/N thought. Well, it was fun while it lasted.

She entertained the idea of lying but discarded it immediately. Dean was now analysing her, looking for clues most likely. She sighed and reluctantly mumbled the answer.

“You’re gonna have to be louder than that sweetheart.”

“15, alright? I’m fifteen.”

The reaction was almost immediate. Both of them were looking at her incredulously and swearing like sailors.

“Jesus kid! What the hell are you doing? Trying to get yourself killed?” Dean was almost yelling at her, berating her for hunting at such a young age, which she thought was a little hypocritical but go off, I guess.

In the middle of all the commotion, Y/N suddenly realised that there was only one voice yelling. Sam was looking at her intensely, taking in every detail, a peculiar look on his face. Before she could ask him what the hell was wrong with him, he softly called out to Dean.

He was still yelling so Sam called out again.

“Dean!” Finally, Dean stopped, turning towards Sam. Before he could say anything, Sam started talking.

“How long ago did you say you last saw Sandra?” Sam had an urgency in his tone that confused the hell out of Y/N. She couldn’t figure out where he was going with this.

Dean paused at Sam’s question.

“About 16 years, why?”

Sam just looked at his brother meaningfully, further confusing Y/N. Apparently, Dean saw where Sam was going with this.

“Oh, hell no! Fuck. No! You’re crazy,” Dean scoffed.

Sam just glared at him. “So, you’re saying you two didn’t?”

“Of course, we did Sammy! But, I’m not an idiot! We used protection.”

Protection?

“Woah, woah, woah! Rewind an-and freeze! Protection? You slept with my mother?” Y/N’s voice grew shriller towards the end of the sentence, making Dean wince and look away in embarrassment.

“That’s gross. I did not need that image in my head!”

She started pacing the small room. Suddenly she came to a stop.

“Wait, why is this relevant anyway?”

Sam glanced at Dean again, who started shaking his head fervently.

“Dude, stop it. I don’t know what is wrong with your brain, maybe you have a concussion but you need to quit this line of thinking right now. You’re freaking me the fuck out,” Dean snarled.

Realisation hit Y/N like a tonne of bricks. What Sam was insinuating, why the timing was important.

“You think Dean is my father?!” It was her turn to look at Sam incredulously. She started laughing. She couldn’t help it. The idea that Dean Winchester was her father was hilarious.

“You said you never knew your dad,” Sam pointed out, ignoring her cackling.

“So? That doesn’t automatically mean Dean is my father Sam, geez.”

“You also said that he was a hunter,” Sam was determined to at least get them to consider the possibility.

“There are a lot of hunters out there!” Y/N was almost hyperventilating at this point. It was too much. Too soon.

“Sammy, shut up,” Dean said firmly. This was not the time for this. Y/N was clearly overwhelmed. Sam noticed and a flash of guilt crossed his eyes.

“Look, all I’m saying is that there is a very real possibility that you two are related. Tell me I’m wrong and I’ll back off, alright? Tell me you don’t see it,” Sam said, softly this time. Dean looked at Y/N. She did look like him, or maybe he was imagining things that weren’t there. Maybe it was just a coincidence and he was investing himself into this for no reason, but he had to know. Now that there was a seed of doubt in his head, he wouldn’t be satisfied until he got a real answer.

“Y/N,” Dean called her softly, “look kid, I’m not saying I’m your father. God knows I don’t know how to be one. But I know that you see the coincidences piling up too. Why don’t we figure this out and if Sammy is wrong, we can laugh in his face about all this. And if he isn’t … well we’ll deal with that too.”

She didn’t say anything for a long time, both brothers holding their breath.

“I don’t care,” she snaps, “I have survived without a family my whole life. I don’t need a father. I don’t want a father. Family is poison and I don’t want any part of it. So, I couldn’t care less about biology. I don’t want to know.”

She goes to storm out of the room, barely able to look at the hurt expression on their faces. Before she can reach the for the handle, Dean’s voice booms through the room.

“Well I do. I need to know if I have a damn daughter who I failed. I need to figure this out or I’m gonna go crazy. So, here’s what we’re gonna do. We’re gonna get a damn paternity test and put a lid in this argument until we do. But before all that, we’re gonna come back to the fact that you’ve apparently been hunting alone for the past four years. Do you have any idea how fucking dangerous that is? Me and Sam, we’ve been doing this for years, but we still always take back-up! Because hunting alone is dangerous, and reckless, specially for someone who is new to the field. I’m not gonna berate you for your age, God knows I was younger than you when I first started. Its shitty but it happens. But even I was never dumb enough to hunt alone.”

Y/N was getting a whiplash from the change in the conversation. One minute they’re demanding paternity tests, and the next they’re yelling at her about her life choices.

“First of all, we aren’t getting any tests done because one, I’m in the system and you’re supposed to either be dead or are wanted by the FBI, and two, I don’t want to! And you don’t get to dictate how I live my life. You’re barely an acquaintance, not even a friend. So back the fuck off.”

She knew she was being harsh. But she needed them away from her, out of her life. They represented hope – hope for a safe haven, hope for a family, and she didn’t want any part of it. It was better to be alone than set yourself up for more pain.

Dean was quickly losing his patience.

“Look, you have 2 options. You can either come with us and we can figure all this out, at your pace, or I can give Jody a call and she can arrange for you to live with her. She’s already fostering 3 girls and she’d be happy to take you in. You won’t be able to run away from there either, which is great.”

She glared at him.

“I know what you’re trying to do. You’re trying to make us angry so that we abandon you. I know all the tricks in the book kiddo, you ain’t fooling me that easily. I don’t know if I’m actually your father but I’ll be damned if I let you go off on your own again. You can either come with us or go to Jody. Choice is yours.”

With that, Dean stormed off to search for a bar. It had been a long day and he needed a damn beer.

Chapter 4 

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