#and it helped me realize this
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TW extremely triggering dark topic but with a positive message, I promise. I just needed to get this out somewhere.
It's not about whether you deserve to be happy. "You deserve to be happy" type messages never rung true to me, because sure, other people do. But me, I've been told I'm a monster, that I deserve to die. But very recently, as in today, I've realized it isn't about that. It's about whether you can be happy. If you can manage it. If you can scrape together moments of joy, then you should. Whether you deserve it or not, you can be happy, and you will, and that is worth it. All that matters is that it is possible.
You have to be alive to see if you can.
#hal rambles#tw sui ideation#depression#for the fellow 'reprehensible monsters' out there i promise it will be okay#even if it isn't we have to try#now for a personal note that no one needs to read lol:#there's a series i've been writing on and off for oh wow. EIGHT whole years#and it helped me realize this#it's like my brain clawed tooth and nail to finally arrive at this theme#i experienced so much during those eight years and you can see it reflected in the characters#there was a stage where i was exploring exactly how awful can you be before everyone leaves you#to 'how far can you go before you're irredeemable. is there a way to come back from this?'#to 'what if someone could love you even broken. even with the myriad of things 'wrong' with you'#to 'you can be okay. no matter what you did -yes even that- it is possible to find joy and it is worth it to try.'#I've also decided morality is a moment to moment decision. it is not the sum total of everything you've done in your life#and it is not anything inherent about you. even if you don't have morals you can still be good#just by choosing to be kind#this idea started sort of between stages 2 and 3 as far as story themes and still isn't completely explored haha#i am 100% sure if someone read the current draft they would not pick up on ANY of these things but that is fine because it is for Me :)
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I'm knitting in the corner at a party
and guys my age stop by to tell me I remind them of their aunt, of their grandmother. This is a compliment and I take it as such. They confess to having tried crochet once, and I smile. They get back in line for the bathroom.
I'm knitting in the corner at a party and a queer woman sits on the floor next to me, arranges her skirt, and smiles up at me. (I try not to blush.) She asks me all the questions on her mind about my craft and I answer them, hands still moving. We swap yarn sources. She doesn't stay, but she knows where to find me.
I'm knitting in the corner at a party and everyone knows where to find me when they need a minute, when socializing is too much and the music is too loud and they need to catch their breath. They pretend to be checking in on me, which is sweet, but I can see the relief in their eyes the moment they stop performing for a house full of people. They sit down and tell me things and all the while they never take their eyes off my hands.
The party has wound down and I'm still knitting and the hosts, two guys in their twenties, thank me for "helping to curate the vibe." I had no idea that's what I was doing. I leave the party having forgotten to drink anything and without that woman's number but with many rows added to my top-down raglan sweater. I call it a night, and a good one.
#knitting#knitblr#poetry#tagging this with poetry feels ridiculous#but oh well#anyway this is a true story#or technically two true stories smushed into one#i sent this to one of the guys who hosted the party and he said “this is really nice” like twenty times#and then he thanked me again for helping to curate the vibe#anyway i feel like those of us who do it know the kind of impact that knitting in public can have#but i guess it wasn't until i was reflecting on this party that i realized it could be used to create a safe space#if you will#okay that's enough tags#anyway i hope you enjoy#bon appetit#etc#UNEDITED BTW SO BE NICE#please
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#ace attorney#klavier gavin#franziska von karma#godot#miles edgeworth#simon blackquill#just realized i never posted this lmao#my art#~ks#if tumblr murders the quality on this so help me
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trying to get better with colors!
another fanart of @forgettable-au !
#the pinkinsh version is the one i drew after i spent hours overthinking over details#and the other is when i realized that i didn't need to overthink things and the previous version was fine too XD#guys help this au lives rent free in my brain aiuhnergkijuhrgikju#now papyrus is my favorite character and i fully credit this au for making me deep dive into trying to understand papyrus' character#the outfit is from one of the au's concept art!! i love it SO MUCH dude!!!#i had to draw it at least once#undertale#undertale au#papyrus#flowey#myart
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Learning to celebrate the little wins!
#fersona#While I don't have the capacity to do Hourly Comics Day#I did journal my day hour-by-hour and the sheer difference in my self-care and routines is *staggering*.#Honestly both Feb 1 2024 and 2025 were rough days...but this year I had a far better outlook on it all.#The funny part is that when I drew this a few days ago I actually *was* celebrating not crying.#Might have still cried on Feb 1st. A meagre 4 times. But I also had lot of good moments!#January is a very hard month for me and frankly I've been in a fugue state for most of it.#Drawing helped me pull through these last 2 years but this year I've been finding myself so upset at how I can't seem to focus anymore.#So updates and posts have been slow. I'm just slow. I'm tired and burnt out from work and grieving.#But you know what? The days I do manage to post; I'm never shamed for how long it took. You're all just as excited and kind.#I'm coming home and eating better and sleeping more and spending time with loved ones.#This is all to say; you can be a lot happier when you realize that life can be taken a little slower.#I'm more grateful that words can possibly convey.#If you related to the mindset of constantly feeling like you've 'failed' the day; please know you have done more than you realize.#I'm struggling with it everyday! I'm in the trenches with you!#Life is too short and painful to not celebrate what you *do* accomplish! It's hard work but it is worth it!#Bit by bit...we will learn to live. *Really* live. And enjoy it!
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DUKE!!!!
trying to get used to drawing duke (i feel like he looks different every time i draw him but this also happens every time i draw like. anyone. so.) i had fun doodling him he's so cutie patootie
#thanks to everyone that talked about their headcanons for duke!!! was very fun/helpful#my fav ended up being the 1st doodle and the 4th doodle#the 2nd one made me realize i don't draw cornrows very often#i should remedy that#duke thomas#this is my first time drawing duke seriously and not as just a very very quick doodle#yknow what i also don't draw bald people enough#here's me realizing that i'm worried i have him an oddly shaped skull#signal dc
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You can't tell me they weren't on tumblr back then.
#this idea came to me in a fever induce vision last week when i was dying of a cold#i realize now as well that like 90% of my art ive posted is just serirei.....#i cant help it i have too many ideas and im gay so most of those ideas are also gay#mp100#mob psycho 100#mob psycho 100 fanart#serirei#serizawa katsuya#reigen arataka#bonkart
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Sometimes at work it's not my place to tell people the things I want to say, and I find I often go home at the end of the rougher days to stand blankly in my shower and tell myself over and over what I wish I could pass on.
This accomplishes very little, and mostly just gives me a tension headache, but through it all I think I've narrowed myself down to a few solid things I'd like to tell people the most.
You can't change people. Not permanently, not for anythig. You can support them, encourage them, love them, give them tools and opportunities and resources, but you can't make them change. They can change themselves if they want to, but they have to want to, and they have to want it for themselves, because they're the only one that's certain to be with them forever.
For better or worse, you make your own choices, and blaming bad choices on others doesn't only work to absolve you of responsibility- it also robs you of control. Because if you say you only did something because I did something, then you arent only shifting blame- you're admitting that you cannot control yourself, that you cannot truly make choices for yourself, that other people can control you- and as long as you truly beleive that, you'll keep facing the same problems over and over. You'll keep letting others dictate your choices, because you'll beleive that they can, and you'll never be free.
White knights on horseback are from fairytales. Nobody can help you if ou're not willing to help yourself. To try, to put the dirty work in, to belive you're worth that effort- Act as though nobody is coming to save you. From a struggle, from pain, from bad relationships, from yourself. And when you do save yourself, because you will, because failure here isn't an option if you want to survive, you'll never find another dragon that can keep you prisoner.
Don't say anything to anyone that you wouldn't want them remembering forever.
Doing the right thing in bad circumstances is hard. It's the hardest thing. But if you make the choice to do that hard thing anyways, despite your fear, you'll go on the rest of your like knowing that you're the sort of person who did something.
The present only seems the hardest because the past I over and the future hasn't happened.
There's so much joy ahead of you, the kind you can't possibly understand until you see it yourself.
The responsibility of consequences is often disguised as the power of permission. "I won't do this if you help me", "I'll work on my anger if you do this for me", "I promised you I'd quit, but can I have just one?". The unspoken question is, "Can it be your fault if this goes badly?"
You cant make someone love you the way you need to be loved. Someone can love you very much and still be bad for you, even if you love them very much in return. Two people can love each other very, very much, and try their very best, and still be wrong for each other.
Sometimes being near to someone changes you, even in good ways, and the people you become don't fit together as well as the people you were.
Caring takes work. Even if it's real. Especially if it's real. And the most important gestures aren't the grand, poetic, songs-and-flowers-and-tears moments; they're getting out of bed even though you don't want to. Paying attention to things you don't enjoy. Scrubbing pans, or opening a window, saying "thank-you", or helping carry groceries into the house. The small things fill the big things- without the small, boring, mediocre things, big things feel hollow.
Thrre is honour and dignity in humble work.
If you are a cruel and spiteful person, then you will find every place you visit to be full of the same cruel, spiteful people. This is not because the world is as cruel as you, but because everywhere you are, you will be disliked. This is the curse that comes with being persistently cruel and spiteful.
If you are a kind and ppsitive person, you will repeatedly encounter kind and positive people, because as they grow familiar with you, they will be happier to have you near. This is the reward of being a kind and positive person.
When splitting paths with loved ones, briefly or forever, aim for your last words to always be "I love you".
#I'm still so young and ignorant#but I wish someone had told ME these things before I had to learn them#And now when shit goes south and everything is over and calm again the same things just roll though my head#Over and over and over#It's like everyone I meet has the same 3 problems and its ruining their lives#I just want to take everyone I meet by the shoulders and shake them#I KNOW why this is happening to you#Do you realize you can be better?#Do you realize you can do it?#Aren't you terrified of wasting your life like this?#*I* want to be happier#*I* used to be so much worse than I am#And I don't have it all figured out#But if we all decide to help ourselves then it'll be that much easier to help each other#Right?#It's so hard to lift dead weight#You need to kick against the waves with me#You need to WANT to float#Do you understand#Ugh it's 6am#This has been your overdramatic midnight ramble#Imma grill me a cheese and go back to bed#Blaurfhgh
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👔 Suit picking!
#serirei#mp100#mob psycho 100#reigen arataka#serizawa katsuya#mp100 fanart#myart#hope it's clear that Reigen is focusing on helping Serizawa choose a nice suit#while Serizawa is focusing on Reigen instead#can you believe it. rare serirei art from me??#sorry I suck at drawing Serizawa 😭 I think he looks nice here though#not sure if I want it to be closer or not then realized that this is tumblr so I can just post both
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need some help with that?
#wasn't feeling great mentally today so I drew happy lokius because I treat them like my therapist#who needs a therapist when you have owen wilson yaoi#amirite fellas??#anyways thsi is either mobius helping loki with his tie or taking it off#I leave that up to you#did take me a good amount of time to realize that this could be seen as mobius undressing him#this might be the most accidentally suggestive art you'll ever get from me#enjoy it#loki#lokius#lokius fanart#loki fanart#mobius#loki and mobius#loki season 2#my art#fanart#my loki art#digital art
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he has the juice
#touchstarved game#touchstarved kuras#kuras#he is so unknowable and his low ass empathy stat is everything to me..#don't look too closely at this because then you'll realize this is accidentally basically the same pose i drew ais in a few months ago help#art tag
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HELLO HOW did i never pick up on the fact that annabeth gives percy her camp necklace for good luck in the lightning thief. and in the battle of the labyrinth when she kisses him, percy considers it a good luck kiss. and then OBVIOUSLY, in the last olympian: “don’t i get a kiss for luck? it’s kind of a tradition, right?” HOW DID I NEVER REALIZE
#maybe watching the show has helped me think of parallels more#i love realizing things about my little brainrot otp that i’ve had since age 10#ruch rambles#pjo#percabeth#percy jackson#annabeth chase#pjo tv show#percy jackon and the olympians
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there's something so incredibly sweet about how many times davrin notes in his journal that talking to rook helped him with something. he keeps bringing them out to touch grass and gaze at nugs out in the woods with him which I think must be very good for them, and their company clearly helps him work through and get more clarity on things he's been stuck on emotionally. it's just kind of lovely and a great little nuance in that relationship.
#dragon age#dragon age: the veilguard#dragon age: the veilguard spoilers#dragon age spoilers#davrin#now picture davrin shaking rye by the shoulders (gently lifting him off the ground in the process thanks to the height difference)#and lovingly yelling 'ALLOW ME TO PROTECT AND CARE FOR YOU BACK OR SO HELP ME YOU LITTLE SHIT!!'#and that's basically their late-game dynamic fhsdja#rye spends an embarrassingly long time genuinely believing that davrin thinks he's an idiot. self-worth so abysmal#he cannot pick up on the myriad context clues that this is perhaps Not the case and that davrin in fact trusts him so deeply#it finally clicks literally only in the moment when davrin asks him to help decide the future of the griffons. y'know. we got there#it was kind of embarrassing for everyone involved but the realization did dawn finally lmao#just got to the post weisshaupt talk with him on this playthrough and I am In Agony#also when he says 'make it count I can only die once' and it felt like a knife in the gut! fun times. video games are fun
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Zutara makes a statement.
#zutara#atla#zuko#avatar the last airbender#katara#atla fanart#prince zuko#zutara au#atla art#zutara fanart#zutara art#zuko x katara#fire lord zuko#katara x zuko#Female Zuko#Male Katara#katara art#katara fanart#katara of the southern water tribe#Yuri Zutara#Sapphic Zutara#Yaoi Zutara#genderbent au#love is love#crossroads of destiny#Help I fell in love with female Zuko. She's gorgeous.#This was so fun to do! I really wanted to see if I could keep their recognizable facial features while drawing them as the opposite gender#I've been thinking about their dynamic lately and how it's one of the things I love the most about them.#Drawing them like this was so important to me. It made me realize that I ship Zutara just as they are; but also as a wlw or mlm couple#Their dynamic their individual personalities their chemistry their connection—love is love no matter the shape it takes
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Prompt 318
Danny is learning how to shapeshift. It’s fun, really, and he honestly thinks it’s more than a little cool. Plus it’s not a learn or you fully die sort of thing, which is pretty cool too. He just erm, might’ve also made a mistake. A little oopsie. An uh-oh.
Erm. So. Apparently stuff stays when you go from ghost to human form. Just erm. More… permanent? Look he panicked, okay! And it wouldn’t have been that bad if not for the fact erm… his friends might’ve done it too…?
Okay, okay, this is fine erm. Oh hi Mom, Dad I- O-oh yeah! D-definitely! Psst, Tucker, what’s a meta…? Oh. Okay yeah- wait can they use this to avoid the GIW thing? They definitely could, right? Like they definitely can- Sam we need the corkboard!
Er. And inform their parents too… even if it’s more than a little obvious. Maybe they shouldn’t have been trying to mix and match…
#DCxDP#DPxDC#Prompts#My art#Halfa Trio#Team Feline Au#Nekomata Sam#Sphinx Tucker#Griffin Danny#”Excuse me we’re not ghosts we’re metas thanks >:/”#The rest of the class might go a bit wild over the loser trio apparently being metas now#They post so many pictures- not that the trio is aware at first#Tucker is the first to find out & realizes they can Use This#Look me in the eyes and tell me the internet WOULDN’T go wild over trio of cat people#They weren’t expecting any of this#The moment they ever go to another city the local hero who goes online is zeroing in#Why yes the trio snuggle up together in a purring pile on the bus#Also yes they do go to Frostbite & other not-so human looking ghosts for help with clothing#And shoes for paws#space core danny#storm core tucker#life core sam#ironic with what nekomata are associated with
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I know those eyes.
[First] Prev <–-> Next
#poorly drawn mdzs#mdzs#wei wuxian#wen qing#wen ning#Sibling similarity but you only see it when you realize they have the same soggy eyes.#These two always struck me as a bit of a play on Jiang Cheng and Jiang Yanli for 'siblings who contrast each other.#But after spending a lot more time marinating on Wen Ning I actually think they are way more similar that is initially apparent.#Sure their surface level personality traits are pretty contrastive. But they both are so willing to risk their lives for what's right#Who raised them? In a story so full of examples of how parents shape their children - why are these two lacking in parents?#I imagine that Wen Qing is the older sibling and so her morals of 'help those who need it no matter who they are' got passed a long.#But how did *she* arrive there? Was that instilled within her or was it a reaction against bearing witness to callousness and cruelty?#We'll never know..the only thing I can say for certain is Wen Qing is *so* soggy in the audio drama.#She's like the ant with the bindle. It's a hell of a way to bring a previously sharp tongued character back into the narritive.#Side note: Thank you all for being so patient and kind while I took my break!#It's been a very chaotic few weeks and I didn't realize how bad my burnout was getting. I'm back and ready to keep drawing again!
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