#and it helped me realize this
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TW extremely triggering dark topic but with a positive message, I promise. I just needed to get this out somewhere.
It's not about whether you deserve to be happy. "You deserve to be happy" type messages never rung true to me, because sure, other people do. But me, I've been told I'm a monster, that I deserve to die. But very recently, as in today, I've realized it isn't about that. It's about whether you can be happy. If you can manage it. If you can scrape together moments of joy, then you should. Whether you deserve it or not, you can be happy, and you will, and that is worth it. All that matters is that it is possible.
You have to be alive to see if you can.
#hal rambles#tw sui ideation#depression#for the fellow 'reprehensible monsters' out there i promise it will be okay#even if it isn't we have to try#now for a personal note that no one needs to read lol:#there's a series i've been writing on and off for oh wow. EIGHT whole years#and it helped me realize this#it's like my brain clawed tooth and nail to finally arrive at this theme#i experienced so much during those eight years and you can see it reflected in the characters#there was a stage where i was exploring exactly how awful can you be before everyone leaves you#to 'how far can you go before you're irredeemable. is there a way to come back from this?'#to 'what if someone could love you even broken. even with the myriad of things 'wrong' with you'#to 'you can be okay. no matter what you did -yes even that- it is possible to find joy and it is worth it to try.'#I've also decided morality is a moment to moment decision. it is not the sum total of everything you've done in your life#and it is not anything inherent about you. even if you don't have morals you can still be good#just by choosing to be kind#this idea started sort of between stages 2 and 3 as far as story themes and still isn't completely explored haha#i am 100% sure if someone read the current draft they would not pick up on ANY of these things but that is fine because it is for Me :)
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#ace attorney#klavier gavin#franziska von karma#godot#miles edgeworth#simon blackquill#just realized i never posted this lmao#my art#~ks#if tumblr murders the quality on this so help me
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trying to get better with colors!
another fanart of @forgettable-au !
#the pinkinsh version is the one i drew after i spent hours overthinking over details#and the other is when i realized that i didn't need to overthink things and the previous version was fine too XD#guys help this au lives rent free in my brain aiuhnergkijuhrgikju#now papyrus is my favorite character and i fully credit this au for making me deep dive into trying to understand papyrus' character#the outfit is from one of the au's concept art!! i love it SO MUCH dude!!!#i had to draw it at least once#undertale#undertale au#papyrus#flowey#myart
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You can't tell me they weren't on tumblr back then.
#this idea came to me in a fever induce vision last week when i was dying of a cold#i realize now as well that like 90% of my art ive posted is just serirei.....#i cant help it i have too many ideas and im gay so most of those ideas are also gay#mp100#mob psycho 100#mob psycho 100 fanart#serirei#serizawa katsuya#reigen arataka#bonkart
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I know those eyes.
[First] Prev <–-> Next
#poorly drawn mdzs#mdzs#wei wuxian#wen qing#wen ning#Sibling similarity but you only see it when you realize they have the same soggy eyes.#These two always struck me as a bit of a play on Jiang Cheng and Jiang Yanli for 'siblings who contrast each other.#But after spending a lot more time marinating on Wen Ning I actually think they are way more similar that is initially apparent.#Sure their surface level personality traits are pretty contrastive. But they both are so willing to risk their lives for what's right#Who raised them? In a story so full of examples of how parents shape their children - why are these two lacking in parents?#I imagine that Wen Qing is the older sibling and so her morals of 'help those who need it no matter who they are' got passed a long.#But how did *she* arrive there? Was that instilled within her or was it a reaction against bearing witness to callousness and cruelty?#We'll never know..the only thing I can say for certain is Wen Qing is *so* soggy in the audio drama.#She's like the ant with the bindle. It's a hell of a way to bring a previously sharp tongued character back into the narritive.#Side note: Thank you all for being so patient and kind while I took my break!#It's been a very chaotic few weeks and I didn't realize how bad my burnout was getting. I'm back and ready to keep drawing again!
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Sometimes at work it's not my place to tell people the things I want to say, and I find I often go home at the end of the rougher days to stand blankly in my shower and tell myself over and over what I wish I could pass on.
This accomplishes very little, and mostly just gives me a tension headache, but through it all I think I've narrowed myself down to a few solid things I'd like to tell people the most.
You can't change people. Not permanently, not for anythig. You can support them, encourage them, love them, give them tools and opportunities and resources, but you can't make them change. They can change themselves if they want to, but they have to want to, and they have to want it for themselves, because they're the only one that's certain to be with them forever.
For better or worse, you make your own choices, and blaming bad choices on others doesn't only work to absolve you of responsibility- it also robs you of control. Because if you say you only did something because I did something, then you arent only shifting blame- you're admitting that you cannot control yourself, that you cannot truly make choices for yourself, that other people can control you- and as long as you truly beleive that, you'll keep facing the same problems over and over. You'll keep letting others dictate your choices, because you'll beleive that they can, and you'll never be free.
White knights on horseback are from fairytales. Nobody can help you if ou're not willing to help yourself. To try, to put the dirty work in, to belive you're worth that effort- Act as though nobody is coming to save you. From a struggle, from pain, from bad relationships, from yourself. And when you do save yourself, because you will, because failure here isn't an option if you want to survive, you'll never find another dragon that can keep you prisoner.
Don't say anything to anyone that you wouldn't want them remembering forever.
Doing the right thing in bad circumstances is hard. It's the hardest thing. But if you make the choice to do that hard thing anyways, despite your fear, you'll go on the rest of your like knowing that you're the sort of person who did something.
The present only seems the hardest because the past I over and the future hasn't happened.
There's so much joy ahead of you, the kind you can't possibly understand until you see it yourself.
The responsibility of consequences is often disguised as the power of permission. "I won't do this if you help me", "I'll work on my anger if you do this for me", "I promised you I'd quit, but can I have just one?". The unspoken question is, "Can it be your fault if this goes badly?"
You cant make someone love you the way you need to be loved. Someone can love you very much and still be bad for you, even if you love them very much in return. Two people can love each other very, very much, and try their very best, and still be wrong for each other.
Sometimes being near to someone changes you, even in good ways, and the people you become don't fit together as well as the people you were.
Caring takes work. Even if it's real. Especially if it's real. And the most important gestures aren't the grand, poetic, songs-and-flowers-and-tears moments; they're getting out of bed even though you don't want to. Paying attention to things you don't enjoy. Scrubbing pans, or opening a window, saying "thank-you", or helping carry groceries into the house. The small things fill the big things- without the small, boring, mediocre things, big things feel hollow.
Thrre is honour and dignity in humble work.
If you are a cruel and spiteful person, then you will find every place you visit to be full of the same cruel, spiteful people. This is not because the world is as cruel as you, but because everywhere you are, you will be disliked. This is the curse that comes with being persistently cruel and spiteful.
If you are a kind and ppsitive person, you will repeatedly encounter kind and positive people, because as they grow familiar with you, they will be happier to have you near. This is the reward of being a kind and positive person.
When splitting paths with loved ones, briefly or forever, aim for your last words to always be "I love you".
#I'm still so young and ignorant#but I wish someone had told ME these things before I had to learn them#And now when shit goes south and everything is over and calm again the same things just roll though my head#Over and over and over#It's like everyone I meet has the same 3 problems and its ruining their lives#I just want to take everyone I meet by the shoulders and shake them#I KNOW why this is happening to you#Do you realize you can be better?#Do you realize you can do it?#Aren't you terrified of wasting your life like this?#*I* want to be happier#*I* used to be so much worse than I am#And I don't have it all figured out#But if we all decide to help ourselves then it'll be that much easier to help each other#Right?#It's so hard to lift dead weight#You need to kick against the waves with me#You need to WANT to float#Do you understand#Ugh it's 6am#This has been your overdramatic midnight ramble#Imma grill me a cheese and go back to bed#Blaurfhgh
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👔 Suit picking!
#serirei#mp100#mob psycho 100#reigen arataka#serizawa katsuya#mp100 fanart#myart#hope it's clear that Reigen is focusing on helping Serizawa choose a nice suit#while Serizawa is focusing on Reigen instead#can you believe it. rare serirei art from me??#sorry I suck at drawing Serizawa 😭 I think he looks nice here though#not sure if I want it to be closer or not then realized that this is tumblr so I can just post both
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HELLO HOW did i never pick up on the fact that annabeth gives percy her camp necklace for good luck in the lightning thief. and in the battle of the labyrinth when she kisses him, percy considers it a good luck kiss. and then OBVIOUSLY, in the last olympian: “don’t i get a kiss for luck? it’s kind of a tradition, right?” HOW DID I NEVER REALIZE
#maybe watching the show has helped me think of parallels more#i love realizing things about my little brainrot otp that i’ve had since age 10#ruch rambles#pjo#percabeth#percy jackson#annabeth chase#pjo tv show#percy jackon and the olympians
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need some help with that?
#wasn't feeling great mentally today so I drew happy lokius because I treat them like my therapist#who needs a therapist when you have owen wilson yaoi#amirite fellas??#anyways thsi is either mobius helping loki with his tie or taking it off#I leave that up to you#did take me a good amount of time to realize that this could be seen as mobius undressing him#this might be the most accidentally suggestive art you'll ever get from me#enjoy it#loki#lokius#lokius fanart#loki fanart#mobius#loki and mobius#loki season 2#my art#fanart#my loki art#digital art
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personally victimized by this show's soundtrack choices
#mmine#the bear#the bear fx#sydcarmy#syd x carmy#sydney adamu#carmy berzatto#carmen berzatto#syd adamu#sydney x carmy#just..... syd asking for help for what's like the first ? time#and then that song kicks in ?? i am UNWELL#also realized a ship name could be bermu like the drink which just makes me laugh#i'm like 3ys late to the party ik i'm just a late bloomer#it's more like i got the invite and it sounded cool but i was busy with another stuff#and just now read it completely and realized it's something i love
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he has the juice
#touchstarved game#touchstarved kuras#kuras#he is so unknowable and his low ass empathy stat is everything to me..#don't look too closely at this because then you'll realize this is accidentally basically the same pose i drew ais in a few months ago help#art tag
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Sokka and Zuko get SO much funnier when you remember this is both of their first times talking to another teenage boy in years. Sokka had all the other boys leave the tribe when he was little and Zuko just hasn’t talked to other teenage boys. They wanna be friends but have absolutely no clue how to talk to other teenagers. I love them so much.
#Sokka#Sokka Alta#atla sokka#atla#atla zuko#zuko#avatar the last airbender#it cracks me up#little lonely asses 💀#zuko atla#Zuko and Sokka#Sokka and Zuko#zukka#i love them so much#they mean so much to me#you cannot convince me Sokka wasn’t ecstatic when he realized another teenager was joining the Gaang#Zuko trying to be nice#and Sokka desperately trying not to infodump so he doesn’t scare zuko away#Zuko was probably bummed Sokka was a little younger too#but still like “”Another teen boy who’s kinda chill how do I converse where is my uncle Help.
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Zutara makes a statement.
#zutara#atla#zuko#avatar the last airbender#katara#atla fanart#prince zuko#zutara au#atla art#zutara fanart#zutara art#zuko x katara#fire lord zuko#katara x zuko#Female Zuko#Male Katara#katara art#katara fanart#katara of the southern water tribe#Yuri Zutara#Sapphic Zutara#Yaoi Zutara#genderbent au#love is love#crossroads of destiny#Help I fell in love with female Zuko. She's gorgeous.#This was so fun to do! I really wanted to see if I could keep their recognizable facial features while drawing them as the opposite gender#I've been thinking about their dynamic lately and how it's one of the things I love the most about them.#Drawing them like this was so important to me. It made me realize that I ship Zutara just as they are; but also as a wlw or mlm couple#Their dynamic their individual personalities their chemistry their connection—love is love no matter the shape it takes
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Family
I keep thinking about how similar Vanessa is to the animatronics. She might've been the only one of them to survive until adulthood but she still spends her nights coming back to that abandoned pizzeria again and again and again. Vanessa is as trapped and under William's control as the others.
Zoom up on Vanessa since I was very proud of her face and it's a bit hard to see on the full piece 😁
#fnaf fanart#vanessa fnaf#vanessa shelly#vanessa afton#five nights at freddy's#fnaf movie#freddy fazbear#bonnie fnaf#chica fnaf#foxy fnaf#I can't believe i had to screenshot my own art to get it to a file size that tumblr will let me post smh#fun fact: i had to use the white woman jumpscare pic to help me render vanessa's face LMFAOO#i finally figured out how i want to render animatronics !! this piece made me realize that ive never rendered the animatronics before#puff art
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silly comic based on a time i struggled to read live on stream :thumbsup:
context clip compilation below ASDASDFASA
(cw for brief mention of hospitals/strokes)
#in stars and time#isat#isat odile#isat siffrin#isat spoilers#<- not big ones but the convo this stems from occurs on 3rd floor before king act 2 so#cw hospital#cw stroke#<- brief stroke talk in the clip thats why#odile i am so sorry for making u deal with the fact that i cant read#or just input words?? where there arent any??? i dont know why i do that????#these streams have made me realize i sometimes just autofill words when reading SAFADDA#also random side headcanon i was thinking of while drawing this#is odile speaks alot with her hands?#idk why i just think its fun?#and kinda makes sense as someone who has travelled a lot thru different countries?#personal observation but you can convey/tell a lot without knowing a much of a different language via body language#as someone who grew up with family who spoke a different language that i do not speak LMAO#especially hands!! those say a lot!!#reading body langauge/tone helped me a lot when guessing if what was being talked about a good thing or not#tho tone to a lesser extent since uh it can be hard to tell at times i think ASDFDA#so it makes sense to me???#the art of pointing in general location is a universal skill i think?? yea#to a lesser extent i think siffrin might do this? but more subdued/under the cloak so#the cloak ends up getting in the way 90% of the time so no one can actually see that lmao#okay tag talk over#no stream time today because weather boooooo storms
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hunith comes to camelot to visit merlin and absolutely no one can understand how this sweet, loving, caring, polite woman sired The Menace that is merlin. especially uther. he normally doesn’t care for peasants but since arthur is fond of merlin and merlin insists on…being merlin, he’s intrigued by how different hunith is. hunith keeps things civil tho she detests his policies on magic and the whole purge business, but then she sees firsthand how uther treats her son in law- i mean arthur. her anger grows quick and she sees it reflected in merlin but merlin adores arthur and doesn’t want to put his position at arthur’s right hand in jeopardy so he bites his tongue. hunith has no such reservations. she stands before uther, back straight and eyes meeting his. she speaks evenly as she rips him a new asshole for how he treats arthur before socking him in the jaw so hard he stumbles back and has to grab the table to stay on his feet. as shes glaring down at him everyone suddenly sees just how merlin is her son.
#theyre both menaces ur honor#when she met balinor he hid in her pig pen from the knights and she beat him with a broom before#realizing that he was a fugitive and helped him by lying to the authorities and harboring him#what i would give for an episode focused on her#she captivates me#bbc merlin#merlin emrys#hunith#arthur pendragon#uther pendragon#merthur#after punching uther she turns to arthur with a soft smile and twlls him hes welcome over any time for dinner#and then walks out without being arrested#uther has no choice but to admire her boldness
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