#and it has serial too for connecting to really old stuff

[petro1986]

My newest son

Bobbert

[moonchild1]

jeon jungkook fic rec list (Ⅸ)

hi everyone wow it's really been a while and i'm on list 9 already damnnn that's alot and list 10 is like half way complete already... soooo you might notice a change in the set up this time around i liked how it looked on my ao3 list so i added it here as well, i absolutely love this list like i've gone over this list a million times it's filled with alot of fics i was absolutely obsessed with, you know how attached i get to the characters and this list holds quite a few of them too so i hope you enjoy reading them as much as i did and you fall for them too... remember to give lots of love to the authors of these fics they are absolute geniuses and deserve all the respect and love in this world for creating these beautiful fics and sharing it with us so be sure to give them a follow, like and reblog or even leave a little comment i'm 100% percent sure it would mean alot to them 🥺🖤 also as these fics contain smut no under minors allowed/interact... if you would like to share some of your favourites or just wanna ramble about fics you love send me an ask i love hearing from you guys and happy reading everyone till next time ✨🖤

a- angst s- smut f-fluff

series

dreamcatchers by @ggukcangetit f a

↬  DI Jeon didn’t need a new partner. Unfortunately, his superiors felt otherwise; especially considering the extremely high-profile murder that had just taken place in the port city. Recent transfer, DI Choi Yuri finds herself confronted with a new cityscape, unfamiliar people, a hostile partner, and a homicide that is certain to bring back unpleasant memories.  

block party by @minlucent f s a

↬ moving into your new apartment brings back memories of your biggest mistake. neighbours au e2l

a little bit of your heart by @yoongiofmine f s a ft. myg

↬ you had everything you could ever dream of; the career of your dreams as a music producer, the best friends you could ever wish for, and a exes-turned-friends-turned-fuck-buddies relationship with min yoongi. you knew you and yoongi would never move past that and you were okay with it. Until a friend from your past comes back into your life, offering to give you everything you deserve, everything yoongi couldn’t. Will jungkook show you what you’ve been missing? Or will the new guy threaten yoongi enough to do something about it? 

lost stars by @/yoongiofmine f s a

↬ Jungkook was lost. He didn’t know who he was anymore, so he decided to leave and find himself. But he wasn’t expecting to find you along the way, an island girl who has no idea who he is. Jungkook has a secret. But so do you. idol au s2l

secrets we keep by @/yoongiofmine f s a

↬ Being a camgirl was never your main goal in life, but when the pandemic hit and you lost your job, you were desperate. Now, two years later, the world is back to normal and  you are one of the top creators of OnlyChingu; the South Korean version of OnlyFans. A website where idols hide behind anonymous profiles in search of that connection they lost during lockdown. Jungkook was never into this type of stuff. Until he ran into you. He knows you’re his perfect girl, his ideal type. Will he be able to put his own insecurities aside when chasing you? Or will you let the secrets you keep ruin you? idol au

i hate you, i love you by @jungblue s a

↬ You hated him at seven, warmed up to him at twelve, and liked him at fifteen. Now the two of you are twenty years old and inseparable best friends… and you’re absolutely in love with him; he’s in love too—just not with you. 

fatal attraction by @jungcock s a ft. kth

↬ your dangerous ex-boyfriend comes back to haunt you in more ways than one. exes au serial killer thriller

pub golf by @taleasnewastime f s

↬ One night. One stupidly hot man, who just keeps appearing in every pub you go to. Six friends. Nine pubs. Nine drinks. Ten million stupid rules. Let the chaos begin. s2l

animal by @cutaepatootie f s a

↬ boxer jungkook au ANGST

things you don't know by @btsgotjams27 a

↬ It’s been seven years since you last saw the boy that broke your heart. After moving back home, you try everything you can to avoid seeing him around town, but destiny has a wicked way of doing the opposite.

entangled by @caelesjjk f s a ft. kth

↬ Jeon Jungkook is Spider-Man. He saved your life twice. But he’s also been your sweet lab partner in college for the past two years and now someone who is more than just a friend. You care about him…maybe even love him. But something tells you that you aren’t quite sure what love even is. How could you when you have feelings for someone else as well? Kim Taehyung is the handsome stranger you’ve seen around campus and somehow ended up dancing with at Club Onyx. You were upset that Jungkook had stood you up once again and Taehyung made you feel like you were on top of the world. What you didn’t know that night, is the dark secret Taehyung is trying desperately to hide, but the closer the two of you get the more difficult that becomes.

when the end comes by @oddinary4bts f s a

↬ Seven years after you've started dating Jungkook, long distance creates a wedge in your relationship. When the only solution seems to be breaking up, you go your separate ways even though love still lives in the two of you. Will you find a way back together, or has the end come for you and Jeon Jungkook?

new girl by @jjkeverlast f s a

↬ after finding out your boyfriend of 6 years cheated on you, you find yourself moving in with three guys in a loft. what could possibly go wrong?

horizon by @/sokooks f s a

↬ The way you approached life had started to break down Jungkook's emotional barriers. Jungkook couldn't deny that he was drawn to you in a way that was entirely new and unfamiliar. You had become more than just an assignment; you had become someone he genuinely cared about. It was the way you made him feel. With you, he felt more human than he had in a long time. Despite his best efforts to remain detached, his heart had other plans. angel au

searching for nirvana by @/sokooks f s a

↬ he shouldn't be here. he shouldn't be touching you the way he was- but he was here before him. he was your friend, not him. he knew your body, not him. he wanted to be the only one to touch you the way you liked. he he wanted you to remember that. despite the fact that he already had someone waiting for him. best friends au cheating au.

twelve hours by @whatifyoulivelikethat s a

↬ you have twelve hours to make jeon jungkook fall in love with you. he's about to get married. you're the entertainment at his bachelor party - a burlesque dancer. long ago, he used to be the class representative and you used to be the class delinquent. nothing has changed and, yet, everything has.

when it all... by @7deadlysinsfics f a

↬ what’s there to do when your husband says he thinks he doesn’t love you anymore? you pick up the broken pieces the best you can and try to move on

better than me ? by @/7deadlysinsfics f s a

↬ jungkook is clear on what you both are to each other. still, he doesn’t want you to think anyone else is better than him

our first and our last by @thedefinitionofbts f a ft ot7

↬ The first time you met Jeon Jungkook was on your tenth birthday. On that day, he was nothing more than the strange man who jumped into a dark portal that suddenly opened in the middle of the park. The ten year old you just stood in the grass, strands of hair ruffling from the calm breeze that swooped by; head slightly tilted, bright, innocent eyes wide open and staring at him with wonder and disbelief. There was a certain amount of confusion, but your young mind was too naïve to question his actions or what they entailed. soulmate au

dancer in the dark by @gwoongi f s a

↬ Money can’t buy you happiness. Jeongguk, for the longest time, thinks he’s happy. Truthfully, Jeongguk doesn’t know what happiness is until you find him. rockstar au

together by @httpjeon f s a ft.pjm

↬domestic!au, couple!au, stoner!au, gamer!au

hot bot by @/httpjeon f s

↬ purchasing a Hot Bot wasn’t exactly something you ever really planned on. when you do, however, it sends your life down a path of convoluted government schemes and dark secrets.

stardust by @iamtaekooked f

↬ You didn’t believe in soulmates until you lay your eyes on Jeon Jeongguk, the younger brother of your best friend’s husband. That is when you see the red string beginning encircled around your pinky and ending in his

serendipity by @rohobi f s a

↬ After you reveal your inexperienced sexual status to your best friend, Jungkook grapples with the news, startled by the idea that the girl he always thought could get anyone, is a virgin. After finding his porn at 3AM, you decide that maybe it’s about time to stain the white sheets of your world with the colors of a forbidden fruit Jungkook seems to have in the palm of his hands.

chasing shadows by @colormepurplex2 s a

↬ Your job gets you into trouble sometimes. Who would have thought crime journalism would put so many targets on your back? But, it’s happening again, someone’s threatening you. Only, this time, it’s not just you that’s in the crosshairs. Your best friend, Enola, is out on assignment and can’t help like she usually does. So, what does she do instead? She sends her brother, Jungkook, armed with a magic bag, a charming smile, and deductive reasoning skills that prove his worth as one of the best PI’s around.

I gasp once, and in that breath, I accept you in by @inkofyoonkoo f s a

↬ In which Jungkook arrives to your small town to spend the holidays, and you slowly let go of all the ghosts of your past. s2l fwb au

sweet nothing by @adonis-koo f s a

↬ Being a guest at the Jeon Estate after a mishap of being kidnapped and dragged into your brothers affairs isn’t all that bad. Truth be told it brings you a lot closer to the mobster and owner of the estate Jeon Jungkook himself. His two rules are simple, don’t cause trouble and don’t give him a hard time. Somehow you manage to constantly do both in the most endearing way despite being pregnant and waddling around most of the time.

three's a crowd by @/adonis-koo s a ft. jimin

↬ When your mom’s fairytale life begins to bleed over into your world you’re suddenly caught between two men and one big secret, what was supposed to be a relaxing trip soon begins to spiral out of control. All you wanted was a free vacation… ceo au

sleepwalking by @taexual f s a

↬ due to unfortunate circumstances, you ended up managing your ex-boyfriend’s band. you thought you’ve both made peace with it, but suddenly he’s very eager to prove to you that first love never dies.

empty space by @ahundredtimesover f s a

↬ It started as friendship, turned to a casual fuck, then ended in heartbreak. Turns out, he wasn’t who he said he was, and years later he enters your life again, forcing you to face all the emotions you’d been trying to bury. 

OR Officer Jeon looks really hot in his uniform and you wish you didn’t hate him as much as you do.

as the world burns around us by @today-we-will-survive a

↬ You haven’t seen the sun in two years. The Virus wiped out a good three quarters of the world’s population and then the wars that followed wiped out half of that. After everything happened, it was only a matter of time before the different countries started blaming each other and emptied their nuclear arsenals. You’re still surprised Seoul survived – if you can call what it has become “surviving”

hotter than hell by @chateautae f s a

↬ jungkook, lucifer and king of hell, has been cast out of the crimson underworld for a reason he’s unsure of. embarking on his journey for the answer should’ve been easy, if it weren’t for you, the human that nurses his wounded body in her home, and accidentally witnesses the truth of his identity. kickstarting a hellish adventure with the devil himself, you discover lucifer is the most infuriating company ever; and jungkook finds out that maybe his answer to returning home lies within his annoying human confidant.

to turn a bad thing good by @/chateautae f s a

↬ jungkook’s drunken one night stand goes awry when he comes to learn not only is he being forced into an arranged marriage, but it’s to the very girl he abandoned that night—and things get a lot more complicated when you’re the best hookup he’s ever had.

J’aime by @baepop f s a

↬ You’re the newest hire at a local café and head barista Jeon Jungkook takes you under his wing.

Written in the Stars by @/baepop f s a ft. kth

↬ You’re the girl of Jungkook’s dreams, literally. The only problem: you’re taken by his best friend

make me forget by @roseannekook f s a

↬ You are the lead vocalist and main dancer of your company’s first girl group, but on the fourth promotion of your debut song things don’t go as planned. At the brink of an uprising scandal, you seek refuge in the bathroom stalls…and find it in the arms of no one else but BTS’ golden maknae Jeon Jungkook.

one of your girls by @ggukiepie s a ft. pjm

↬ fwb au college au fuck boy au inspired by the song

boy in luv by @/ggukiepie f s a

↬ just two idiot best friends in l*ve college!au, bff!jk, athlete!jk, student council president oc, cheerleader!oc

the boy who left by @/gujoonim a

↬ As your eyes staring deeply into your possible client-to-be’s eyes, something crossed your mind, it was that pair of eyes that you were looking for when you being abandoned at the aisle on your wedding day. ceo au

love sewn by @jvnghxope s a

↬ You’ve never cared about the thin-as-paper walls of your beloved apartment until Jeon Jungkook moved next door. You could hear everything –from his late-night parties on Saturday, to the quality time he spent with his girlfriend in the intimacy of his bedroom. One day, everything ceases. Days turn into weeks, weeks turn into months and you find yourself knocking his door before you can think it twice.

not yet by f s @bratkook f s a

↬ jungkook feels the pang of guilt in his gut when you spot your recent ex out with his new girl, and what better way to make the jerk hurt than to have him believe you were now dating him, the neighbor he had been insecure about your whole relationship.

one shot

blazes of deceit by @periminkle f a

↬ when the opportunity to finally venture past the stone walls you’ve grown up in presents itself, you jump at the chance to discover the origin of those mysterious lights—even if the trip comes with a harsh truth and a suspicious, yet undoubtedly attractive, tour guide. tangled au disney au

southpaw by @starshapedkookie f s a

↬ Knowing Jeon Jungkook for the better part of your life, you thought you knew everything about him. Well, that was before you two disappeared from each other’s lives at least. When Jungkook suddenly finds himself buying you a coffee to rekindle your friendship, it leads to much more than you bargained for.

house of cards by @jeonggukingdom s a

↬ What does safe mean when you are chased by zombies, when every corner you turn could be the last one for you? What do words like home and future mean when you’re always on the run and every moment could be your last? They mean nothing and everything at the same time and Jeongguk is all of the above. He is your safe haven, he is your home and he is your future. But things like that crumble easily in your world.

enouement by @littlemisskookie s a

↬ War is Hell, but it’s what you had to do to take your brother’s place. Of course, between the days of Hell are little slices of Heaven you’d call your Captain, Jeon Jungkook. mulan au disney au

miss taken by @junghelioseok f s

↬you pride yourself on being a professional, but sometimes your students' parents really test your patience. single parent dilfjk jk e2l

the ex text by @shadowkoo f s a

↬ The 2 AM texts have started again. It’s a bittersweet familiarity that you can’t run away from, and despite wishing to forget him: no one will ever measure up to the exceptional standard set by your ex, and you’ll never have anyone as good as him either. Like a permanent mark on your heart, Jungkook’s presence has become an insatiable craving, an addiction you'll never outgrow or cast aside.

the proposal by @hansolmates f s a

↬Jeon’s the editor-in-chief for Big Hit Publishings, a closet romantic with a penchant for antagonizing his assistant on the reg. When his work visa is in the process of being renewed and he takes a trip to Norway, his eligibility to stay in America is on the line. However Jeon Jungkook doesn’t go without a fight, and in order to save his job he offers you a proposal you can't refuse. based on the movie the proposal e2l

red and gold by @/thedefinitionofbts f s

↬It’s no secret that genius, billionaire, international playboy, and philanthropist- Jeon Jungkook, better known as the CEO of Jeon Industries-and even better known as Iron Man, is one of the most intelligent, wealthy, and powerful men in the world. There’s nothing that can get to him or his ego, that is, until you happen to show up and give him a run for his money. 

burning bright by @snackhobi s

↬there are no secrets in the drift. if jungkook were to see the mess inside your head and heart, laid utterly bare, he’d turn away from you. based on the movie pacific rim

but we loved young by @jl-micasea-fics s a

↬Jungkook is everything you’re not, the ying to your yang. Your tight knit friendship nurtured from childhood survived the major life events that most don’t, and to that end, you suppose you’re fated to be together, until unrequited longing is eventually noticed, and boundaries are forever crossed.

the shoulder on which you cry by @lemonjoonah f s a ft. knj

↬ after moving away from your hometown five years ago, you’ve struggled on every return. each trip back being made out of haste due to an unfortunate event in your life. namjoon has always been there to help you through those moments. but when he can’t be there to support you during your current trip home, jungkook offers to stay by your side and be the comfort you need. 

illusion of choice by @hobibliophile f s a

↬ You’ve grown up with the Jeons, Jungmin and Jungkook, for as long as you can remember, your parents being very close. But little did you know that this is because you are in fact arranged to be married to the Jeon heir, Jungmin. However, a tragedy causes Jungkook to take up his brother’s mantle, and that includes becoming your fiancé.

the blue princess and her red rose by @/cutaepatootie f s a

↬ After all, he was her red rose, while she was just another one of the many blue roses that grew in the dying gardens of Greyria. princess au

rigor mortis by @readyplayerhobi f s a

↬ A night out at a bar results in you going home with a young and attractive police officer. But if you think the night was something to remember, that’s nothing compared to waking up to find a zombie outbreak in the city. A chance encounter with Officer Jeon leads to him helping you escape from the plague infested city.

lowkey by @joonbird s

↬ Jungkook is the nude model for your art school’s life drawing class.

part-time lover by @sketchguk f s a

↬there is no crime more perfect than marrying jeon jeongguk. your relationship is nothing more than a ruse - while your friends pester you for being perpetually single, jeongguk desperately needs a wife to complete the pristine image of a family, fooling his way through the parent interview at the nation’s most prestigious private school. only time will tell how deep your lies will run as you find home in one another’s minds. because untangled in the moonlight, he is but a spy, exposing a secret world of corruption, and you, an assassin, ridding the streets of danger one hit at a time. 

sweet apple biscuits by @rosaetae a

↬ a story about someone who receives letters from themselves ten years in the future and asks them to fix all their regrets and save a particular boy. inspired by the anime 'orange'

i'll be home by @wwilloww f s a ft.knj

↬ When your first love, Jungkook, disappeared from your village five years ago, no one thought he would return, let alone on the night of your betrothal to another man. 

white lies by @noteguk f s a

↬ in which Jungkook lies his way out of and into trouble. But he can’t tell white lies when it comes to you. 

yes coach by @/taleanewastime s

↬ You play in a local netball team and as a new season starts you have a new coach. Enter Jungkook, he may look soft, but he turns out to be a hard taskmaster, one who ruffles your feathers when he makes some changes to the team. Tensions grow between you through the weeks, until they finally reach breaking point.

spf 50 by @gimmeyoon f s

 ↬ If you have to spend your summer home from college working a job you hate, it might as well include sitting by the pool with Jungkook. Now if only kids could stop vomiting in it.

fifth wish by @jiminrings f a

↬ jeon jungkook, world-class socialite and nepotism baby, should be out every night to celebrate while he’s at his prime. why should he fake-date his bodyguard instead? alternatively, jungkook regularly throws coins to wishing wells with only one desire in mind — to get rid of you.

blacklisted by @/httpjeon s a ft. kth

↬after departing from your dom, you’re assigned to two incredibly powerful men.

↬looking for other jjk fics or the other members check out my library

[steddiealltheway]

Modern AU stuff is stuck in my head.

Thinking of one where Robin gets a new number and scribbles it down for Steve in a rush because she has a Tinder date with a really cute girl, and she does not have time for Steve to inevitably mistype his phone password several times before finding his contacts app. She rips off the scrap of paper and shoves it at Steve as she rushes to finish her hair and retouch up her mascara.

“Robin, you look great.”

Robin huffs, “I don’t need to look great. I need to look fantastic! You saw the girl! She’s hot, and, for once, I had such a great conversation and we were immediately connecting, you know?”

She rambles on as Steve rolls his eyes and tries to tune her out a bit. It’s not that he isn’t happy for her, it’s just… he’s suffering from a small, embarrassing crush on Dustin’s older friend. And while he knows he could just ask him out like any other person, he finds himself at a loss for words in front of the hyper man. And usually, Steve is more than happy to ramble about random shit and flirt until he has the person practically melting into a puddle of goo at his feet.

All he’s saying is Eddie Munson is different.

And he doesn’t know what to do about it but suffer in silence until their inevitable interactions where he unapologetically shoves his way into his space and calls him little flirtatious nicknames that make Steve’s mind go blank.

Steve has never felt so flustered in his life.

A snap brings him back to reality, and he looks at Robin who does a final spin and asks, “Good?”

Steve looks her over and smiles. “Perfect. Now, go have fun and be safe. I’ll text you to make sure she’s not a serial killer or something.”

“That’s comforting,” Robin says but looks in the mirror one more time before nodding and rushing off yelling, “Bye!”

Steve looks down at the piece of paper in his hand a cringes and the hurried scribbles. Hopefully he’ll be able to decipher it correctly.

He watches through the window, trying not to look too creepy, as Robin climbs into the car with a big smile before it slowly starts moving down the street. Steve feels better once he sees her date is a careful driver.

Steve waits a few more minutes before he makes his way out of the house and goes to his own. Once he gets into his room, he pulls out the piece of paper and types it into his contacts - after messing up the password and struggling to find his contacts.

Steve: So not a serial killer I hope?

There’s instantly some typing back that worries Steve. Shouldn’t Robin be distracted by her date?

Robin: Not a serial killer but you might be… who is this? You intrigue me.

Not Robin. Steve’s heart races as he looks at the scrap of paper. Damn scribbled mess.

Steve: Sorry!! I must’ve typed in the wrong number. Friend is on a first date and was checking in

Not Robin: So sweet of you. Although it makes me nervous that you have no way of contacting your friend and finding out

Steve hadn’t even thought of that. His heart races more. He’s always been one to worry.

Steve: Shit.

Not Robin: Do they have an Instagram that you can message and ask for their number? Not that I mind texting you this lonely Friday night, but it’s probably a good option

He sighs in relief. The stranger is smart and honestly a bit charming. It’s definitely a lonely Friday night for him too. He goes to Instagram and send Robin a quick message before returning to his texts.

Steve: You’re a genius! But what’s a genius doing alone this Friday night?

He stares at the message before sending it. No regrets.

He looks at it for a minute longer as the stranger doesn’t reply. Okay, maybe he has some regrets.

He starts typing out an apology, but a response comes in.

Not Robin: Nothing much really. Debating playing my guitar or staring at my ceiling for a few hours. Both very exciting options. Although I like this new option of texting you more… I will say I’m a 20 year old male though. Don’t want to be texting a minor or some shit.

Steve stares at the message and his heart thuds. 20 year old male. What are the chances?

Steve: 19 year old male here, so you’re in the clear. Unless one of us is lying.

Not Robin: hmm… that makes you sound a bit suspicious but I’ll pinky promise that I’m not lying to you on my end if you’ll do the same

Steve smiles at the message as he types back.

Steve: Pinky promise ❤️

He stares at the heart that’s a little bold, but hey. Why not take a risk?

Not Robin: Looks like my night is getting a lot better

Steve laughs and can’t help but think the same thing.

-:-:-:-:-:-

They text nonstop for the next few days. Steve opens his soul more than he has in years, and the stranger does the same in return. They flirt and exchange jokes and whatnot as well, but Steve always looks forward to when it’s late at night, and the stranger is always up and willing to hear some of his deepest thoughts.

Robin’s worried a bit about the person being some lying creep, but Steve isn’t too worried. He’s given away nothing too personal… except his crush on Eddie Munson.

He hasn’t told the stranger the name of his crush or exactly how he knows him, but in response, the stranger talks about his own hopeless crush on this hot guy who doesn’t really say much to him. They both joke about how they’re hopeless, and Steve almost wonders if he’s falling for the stranger alongside Eddie.

But it’s a crazy thought. The guy could be halfway across the country, but Robin argues that they’re nearby with the way the area codes match.

Steve just shrugs it off and tries not to think too hard about it.

-:-:-:-:-:-

Two weeks pass and Steve finds himself giggling in his bed at 2am, trying to fight sleep as the stranger rattles on about some kid he’s friends with that sounds oddly like Dustin. Steve shares his own stories about his Dustin and his annoying habits, but the two of them agree they wouldn’t change a single thing about their friends.

Not Robin: By the way, I’m going to be MIA for a few hours tomorrow. Got this sort of big game coming up.

Steve’s heart drops a bit at the thought. Tomorrow he was going to try to get a pep talk from the stranger before he has to face Eddie after the big final to his Dnd campaign.

Steve: damn. I’ll miss you. I’ll be hyping myself up tomorrow before I see my guy. Think you could give a brief pep talk?

He watches as the stranger types for a while, but is surprised with how short the text ends up being.

Not Robin: Just be yourself. If he can’t see how amazing you are, then he’s not the right guy for you 🖤 goodnight, stranger. Wish me luck as I will be seeing my guy too

Steve stares at the heart and feels his own heart beating fast.

Steve: Good luck :) Same to you 🤍. But hey, try to get his number this time! Goodnight

He feels his stomach kind of flip at the idea.

Not Robin: thank you. I’ll try

Steve hearts the message and puts his phone down. He stares at the ceiling and tries not to think too hard about the jealous feeling in the pit of his stomach as he drifts off.

-:-:-:-:-:-

Steve is slightly freaking out. He’s about to see Eddie, and he’s decided if his stranger is finally going to get his crush’s number, then he’ll ask Eddie for his. It’ll be fine. It’ll be great.

He stares at the school and waits for Dustin to bust out the doors with Eddie trailing behind him. Steve nervously pulls out his phone.

Steve: About to see my guy and I’m freaking tf out! Miss you :( you always know what to say

He sees his stranger typing and his heart races.

Not Robin: Weird, I’m about to see mine too. But I’m gonna ask him for his number!! I’m determined. But hey, I’ve miss you too :( game just ended by the way

Not even seconds later, the doors to the school open, and Steve watches as Eddie comes out behind Dustin looking at his phone before turning it off and pocketing it. Steve’s heart races.

“Steve! Eddie’s campaign was incredible! I almost died twice, but Will ended up saving all our asses when he rolled a nat twenty during our final battle! It was so cool!” Dustin says running up to Steve.

He laughs and nods not totally understanding what he’s saying. But he sees Eddie come closer out of the corner of his eye. Okay. Get his number. Easy enough. He can do it. His stranger believes in him.

“Okay, you can tell me all about it on the way home. Just give me a minute here,” Steve says patting Dustin on the shoulder as he approaches Eddie for once. He feels like he might pass out.

“Hey,” Eddie says with a big smile.

“Hey yourself. Heard that it was a good game,” Steve says, trying not to do a little dance at how he’s able to get a full sentence out.

It seems to also surprise Eddie who has a blush rise to his face. “I was hoping it would be. Um…” he trails off and kicks a rock on the ground. “So, I was uh. Wondering if…” he takes a deep breath and looks at Steve. “Wondering if I could get your number? In case… you know… something happens with Dustin or something. I don’t know,” Eddie rambles out and pulls a piece of hair in front of his face.

Steve digs out his phone with a big smile. “How about I get yours?”

Eddie smiles and his hands drop down to fidget with his rings as he rattles out his number. Steve goes to his messages and types it in, only it shows the number appear as Not Robin.

Steve shakes his head and deletes the number. Surely he did something wrong. “Sorry, could you repeat that?”

Eddie nods and repeats his number slower. It pops up again. Not Robin.

Steve’s heart thuds. “Uh…” he says and then carefully repeats the number back.

Eddie smiles and nods.

Steve swallows. Shit shit. Holy shit. Not Robin is Eddie. He’s been talking to Eddie this whole time and bearing his soul and talking about him to him. Holy shit what is life?

“Hey, Steve, you okay?” Eddie asks, concerned written all over his face when Steve glances up.

Steve stares and nods. “Um… just… you’re really not going to believe this.”

Eddie’s brows furrow. “Believe what?”

Steve takes a deep breath and types out a message to Not Robin.

Steve: Hey Eddie :)

Eddie’s phone dings and he looks at the message before doing a double take at it. His jaw drops. “You’re…”

“Yeah,” Steve replies.

Eddie nods looking like he’s half on the verge of panicking. “And your guy is…”

“You,” Steve admits then his heart races. “And your guy?”

“You,” Eddie says as his tongue comes up to worry his top lip.

Steve lets out a sigh of relief, “Oh, thank god. I’ve been falling for both of you this whole time.”

“Me too,” Eddie says with a laugh. He holds Steve’s gaze. “So… what do we do from here…”

Steve scratches his cheek and shrugs. “Well, I say we take a night to connect the dots about everything and then go on a date tomorrow? Eight o’clock? I’ll text you details tonight.”

“Sounds perfect,” Eddie says with a big grin. Steve nods and starts to walk back to his car where he feels like he’s about to have a full happy breakdown. “Steve?” Eddie calls out.

Steve turns around and looks at him.

“The buttheads we’ve been talking about are Dustin, right?”

Steve laughs and can’t help it as he walks back to Eddie throwing his arms around him in a hug. “God, I missed you tonight.”

Eddie squeezes him back, “I missed you, too.” They pull away but stay close. “This is going to take a bit of getting used to. Both my dreams guys are you.”

“Same here. Shit.” Steve takes a moment to look into Eddie’s eyes. “I really want to kiss you.”

“I was hoping you’d say that,” Eddie says leaning in.

The car horn beeps loudly causing them to both jump back. “Listen!” Dustin yells leaning out the window, “I don’t know what the fuck I missed, but I would appreciate it if you filled me in on the way home before my mom starts freaking out!”

Steve sighs and drops his head to Eddie’s chest. “What a butthead.”

Eddie laughs and hugs him again. “Tomorrow,” he says like a promise.

“Tomorrow,” Steve says pulling away and raising up his pinky towards Eddie. He smiles down at it and links his pinky with his.

The car horn goes off again.

“Alright alright! I’m coming!” Steve yells over his shoulder then gives Eddie one last pinky squeeze before walking away.

This is going to be a long car ride, but Steve doesn’t mind at all.

[talenlee]

Can a Bird Love A Falcon

Since last year’s Locked Tomb readings got me nostalgic and retrospective, it was only a matter of time before I retreated back to earliest media of my post-cult life, the stuff that stands tall in my mind as some of my first lessons in how to be normal. So I picked the thing with a bunch of PTSD and existential horror.

Let’s talk about the Rachel/Tobias ship.

Spoiler Warning: If you’re ever planning on reading the Animorphs story, this article is going to spoil some events that happen in the last half of it. And since this is about Animorphs I guess Content Warning for war death trauma body integrity horror uh mind control uh cannibalism uh what’s the term for beating someone to death with one of your own severed limbs, that.

That.

Animorphs is a lot.

There’s not a lot of romantic material in Animorphs, but it’s there. It’s almost expertly defined in negative space – the way that actual teenagers consider and tease at the idea of boyfriend-girlfriend-joyfriend stuff without saying it, without any of it being explicit. Like nobody sits down and makes a list of reasons to want to date someone, it’s often just about emotional reactions to momentary stimuli, things that imprint on the brain and are being tested out bit by bit. It’s hard to grapple with for me to get in the right mind space, but remembering the Animorphs characters are, like, fourteen and not Anime-Fourteen but fourteen fourteen is pretty big in explaining how and why they react to things.

In that space, though, there’s the sorta-maybe-hey-thinking-about-it-do-they-kiss romance of Rachel and Tobias. Rachel is a girl repeatedly described as being hot, by her cousin, a tall, blonde girl who also is hiding the instincts of a violent warrior, a girl thrown into a war and commanded to be an adult, and she actually takes to it well. Like, in a different framing device, Rachel is the antagonist of a teen serial killer story. Tobias, by contrast, is what you might these days consider something of a droopy sadboy – floppy hair, skinny, no friends, unappreciated, bounced between abusive carers that aren’t properly parents, and then at the end of the very first story he turns into a hawk, never* to turn back again.

Oh and he’s also secretly an alien prince, but don’t worry, nobody ever tells him that.

It’s not even like it’s a complicated ship, in a lot of ways. As a loser of a boy, it was really just the shape of the most standard fantasy possible: What if there was the hottest girl in the world, who for reasons beyond both your control, had reason to hang out with you, become emotionally invested in you, and then from there, ha ha, you got ’em! You’re basically married at that point as long as no circumstances change the status quo where you get to hang around her regularly!

And then, thanks to you trying too hard and being too awesome, you have to leave your old life behind, embracing a new life, a new reality where none of your responsibilities persisted, your bad family were gone, and you have a reason to be socially connected with four extremely cool people who were probably not really your friends to start with. Oh and one of them is really hot and can kill everyone who bothers you. I mean beats up everyone. I mean she can protect you with her big, strong arms that are also fuzzy because she is a bear, and when she’s not a bear she’s basically Genius Barbie.

From her perspective, she can pick who she likes but instead of a boy who has Conventional Interests and connects to her life, she gets a boyfriend who is a secret. Also, he’s paradoxically, dangerous and very safe; they’re not sexually compatible in terms of their bodies, it’s very hard to argue that Tobias is interested in her because of her body and how their bodies relate. As a romantic partner, Tobias has to be interested in her for herself. At the same time, he’s a goddamn hawk, and hawks are really cool and badass and scary, and she can have him cruising around on her shoulder like she’s a pirate.

I obviously liked this ship as a kid because both of the halves were hot. It wasn’t just that Rachel was gorgeous but also that Tobias looked really good for kissing, and that meant they’d both have a fun time kissing, right? Obviously? This is a very straight way to consider ships, especially ships where I both wanted to be and kiss Tobias. Because again, he was hot. Right?

The canon of Animorphs actually deep-sixes the ship, early and late. There’s a middle period where the ship can happen, but there’s an after and a before, and the before is ‘when Tobias and Rachel barely know each other.’ They do eventually get a chance to do more conventional ship stuff – like holding hands and kissing – but that’s See, and I know you might not remember this: Rachel dies. Her last book is her relating her story, in her dying moments, to a god-figure, and there we get one of the enduring quotes of the series:

“You were brave, you were strong, you were good. You mattered.”

And before that quote, Rachel, reflecting on that moment, says that Tobias would not have let her get into the position where she was dying. He wouldn’t, because he loved her. And that’s some nice ship material but it would be nicer if it wasn’t happening as a character is dying.

Now you might think, hang on, this is a het ship. That’s not what I normally talk about around here! And you might be surprised, but consider this. This is a woman, and the lover who she cannot touch, who she cannot embrace, because there is a wrongness to it. The body of that lover does not properly align with their identity. The girl is positioned forever stand at a love that expresses itself through mostly, not expressing itself.

An eagle and a girl, is that not, itself, yuri?

Okay, I know it’s not. Personally, I have very little patience for ‘ah, two unrelated things is yuri’ jokes because it’s a wheelie everyone pops but also because, like, yeah, maybe it’s great to capture all the metaphorical ways we’ve suppressed women’s relatoinships but also maybe you could have them like hold hands and say they’re interested in one another. Like, that’s an option. Imagine if more yuri felt they could do that, even. What a world.

But anyway, thing is, Tobias, as a character, is a figure Important To The 90s Trans community, along with other such icons as Bugs Bunny and Ranma Saotome. There’s a fairly common thread through Tobias’ narrated books where he reflects on a determined tragedy (who he has been told he has to be) and the freedom of change (as being able to freely choose an identity and presentation through morphing). Applegate has been pretty clear that whatever vision of the characters’ sexuality and gender relationships work for you are effectively canon – they’re characters shared through the experience of reading and all that.

I’m not saying every nonbinary or trans kid from the 90s will respond to ‘Thermals’ and ‘Cinnabunzzzzz’ but a bunch will and it’s a trend worth noting.

Check it out on PRESS.exe to see it with images and links!

[lunatic-pudge]

Hello! I just wanna throw my two cents in about the Postal/TCC stuff going on. I'm also gonna use this post to be honest and transparent about my experience with TCC as well.

Back when I was about 16, I was into true crime. I basically grew up learning about it cause my family would watch true crime shows and me, and my siblings had unrestricted internet access also.

Now, back when I started getting into it, this site was brimming with TCCers, people constantly worshipping serial killers and school shooters. And I'll admit it, I fell down the rabbit hole as well. It was a very short lived, but strong attachment I grew to Columbine, especially Eric Harris. I believe it came from a place of loneliness. Being an outcast and not really having friends, it made me feel like I had a connection to him. But I never wanted to hurt people.

Thankfully, I grew out of it pretty quick when I found myself in a weird situationship with a guy who I should've never talked to, but thanks to him, I snapped out of it. I feel so horrible for being so into TCC. It's my biggest regret, and I cringe when remembering it.

Seeing the state of the Postal fandom now with TCCers trying to worm their way in brings back the cringe memories. RWS has always said that violence should stay in video games. They'd be disappointed if they saw this mess. I know RWS aren't the best of people, but they understand that this shit isn't okay. We need to do better as a fandom and not allow these people in. Dude isn't a school shooter. Practically, the whole point of Postal 1 is Dude not getting the mental help he needs and kills the whole town. There's nothing glamorous about it. There's nothing to idolize about the murder of innocent people. It's a scenario that has happened too many times before in real life.

I don't want TCC mixed in with Postal. I will not stand for it. I understand wanting to learn about true crime and having an interest in it. But too many of them are so deeply obsessed with these real-life murderers and it's not okay. I feel like I understand why they are like this, and it's not too late to change and talk to someone about it. You gotta learn to break yourself from it and get away from the web.

Now, I take full responsibility for what 16 year old me was doing. I knew better, and yet I still continued with it. I'm nowhere near like that now at 22. Hell, if people want to unfollow or block me for it, then they're welcome to. I want to be fully honest with everyone since this has been getting so much attention. I've looked through my blog and have deleted any TCC posts that I had reblogged. If you see any posts that I might've missed, PLEASE let me know so I can get rid of it immediately.

My blog is to be a safe place for people to go to, and I don't want to be a haven for people like TCCers. They're not welcomed here. I want to right my wrongs and be a better person.

If you read this, thank you for reading. I felt guilty having this weight on me. Again, if you choose to unfollow and/or block me, you're more than welcome to. I'm taking full responsibility for 16 year old me's actions. This is unacceptable.

[isagrimorie]

Pre-filer is still such a Grade A episode -- when Jane Espenson cooks, she cooks.

The basic premise of the episode (which is the third episode of The Inside btw) -- is a vigilante killing potential serial killers/rapists. The team and Rebecca are naturally on the side of the Prefiler.

Especially since the next 'victim' the Prefiler (played by the fantastic Michael Emerson) is a budding pedophile. The case holds a special significance for Rebecca given her history.

She was abducted when she was 10 years old, and her abductor kept her for 18 months until she appeared in her home, saving herself. She burned her abductor to escape.

Unfortunately, the Prefiler, I think the character's name is Marty does the thing where a killer goes overboard and he wants Rebecca to understand his point. And that's his mistake because Rebecca KNOWS his point and would have gladly let things play out if he didn't force her hand to play the opposite.

MARTY (CONT’D) So you wanna do me, huh? Okay. I’ll give ya a head start. My childhood was bad. I hate myself… REBECCA You hate half yourself. Marty stops talking, but keeps smiling. REBECCA (CONT’D) The other half you like. The smart half. The part of you that sees things, so quickly, and puts them all together. (beat) You like the part that thinks, and hate the part that feels. REBECCA (CONT’D) Because you feel the same thing Roger feels. The same thing Jeremy Fitch feels, and James Havens, and Frank Bicks. Every time you kill one of them, you kill that half. Rebecca leans forward, going in for the pain. REBECCA (CONT’D) But nothing changes, does it? What happened a long time ago, to us? Still happened. And there’s not a thing you can do to stop it.

They end up arresting the Prefiler but letting Roger the budding pedophile go, because he's done nothing yet. It's a pyrrhic win. Because Rebecca did NOT want Roger free.

And, Paul is, unfortunately, too naive. Paul, wants to play the angel on Rebecca's shoulder.

But Paul is not equipped to play the role (yet). He's too self-righteous to play the role.

I wouldn't be surprised if Rebecca placed Roger on a watch list. So she'll know if he does something.

One of the things I love about The Inside is the way it just claws inside the characters and leaves the question for the audience to answer even when it's uncomfortable.

It's one of the reasons why I love Criminal Minds Evolution because it does a similar thing letting us see more into their internal lives. Not that it didn't in the original show -- it did! It's why the original show has such a hold on us but it's sometimes diluted by the procedural machine. And most of the time the writers don't connect the case of the week to the internal lives of the BAU team, which is a shame!

Anyway, I wish we had more than 13 episodes of The Inside, it's such a good show (with the unfortunate 2000 stuff that didn't age well), with great writing.

And a character that really played to Rachel Nichols' strength, IMO.

Seaver didn't have the time to develop the way Lock was developed. Lock, from the jump is a more broken character with teeth. and with Seaver, I think they would have done something more with her, but well...

Anyway, Rossi would hate Web so much. And so would Emily.

[bibiana112]

HIIII ive seen you mention your ztd aftermath fic a few times in tags and id rly like to know more... feel free to yap about it im curious

Hiii hellooo SO!!! Something that always sticks out to me with fics that touch a little on the immediate post ztd reactions is that things just kind of sort themselves out and everyone chills out for a little bit which I cannot see happening like no wayyy it's okay for the purposes of other people's fics but personally I'm a staunch believer in effort going into the smallest things in life especially when it involves a group of people and especially when you're fucked up as they'd be after that and it's something I love exploring in my writings like expanding in gross detail on the more mundane ups and downs between all the high stakes stuff like I don't think they'd walk out of there working in harmony at allll there'd be so many factors going into how everyone would be thinking and how they'd interact with each other and how the lives they've lead would inform the new trauma after that and how each of them would react to their immediate circumstances like on a physical level

I mean. Diana is completely new to any of this stuff and she's supposed to just transition seamlessly into a sudden new commited relationship and a daughter her own age? Phi has not gotten a single break since she experienced the events of vlr and has a whole complex about where she comes from and she's supposed to feel uncomplicated joy at finding out these are her parents and that the motherfucker that made the virus that's been making her life hell for a week is related to her? It's just been one week for her and that's so long but so little too she'd still have a connection to most of her old life? That shit isn't true about Sigma what's he supposed to do since Akane lied to his face about not knowing what happened at the test site for decades? It's not even something she remembers doing to him but he remembers spending a lifetime with her I love the ztd booklet scene of them interacting during d-com he asks Akane not to let her future self lie to past him point blank and she just says what he wants to hear and Phi stands in silence like she can't wrap her head around why he thinks for even a second that she'd be honest about being honest but stil extending enough goodwill to silently wait and see if she will. the man would be having a whole crisis of faith

Where do they leave Sean? Should he just stay with Q-team wouldn't he need maintenance and therefore stay in contact at least with Sigma? Eric doesn't remember much so he'd shockingly be one of the most calm people there, he'd have to deal with some revelations but Sean informed them of it in a good enough way that he seemed to take it well enough and even if that's not true he's the most high masking mf of the entire cast he wouldn't let himself step on other people's toes, if anything he'd only be set off by how everyone would have something to hold against Mira now, she kills everyone once except Carlos and Akane and she doesn't remember but they do, in fact there being a serial killer in their midst memo never gets to c-team delta never tells the whole snail story to every team. Would Mira just turn herself in without any resistance? Wouldn't someone have to talk her into it or at least make sure that's what she's really going to do since the stakes are so high? It's her fucking fault rad-6 got out too the characters have no reason to trust she's just gonna beeline to a police station. Carlos would probably be fine for the most part but he wouldn't be around long to keep everyone else sane especially Junpei and Akane because he'd probably go check on Maria as soon as possible especially since we're led to believe avoiding the apocalypse helps her recover

Akane herself would be all sorts of fucked up about it, there'd be so much pressure on her by everyone there and she'd try to be forward thinking and work on the extremist stuff immediately without processing anything and overcompensate the new recent failure to foresee dange and her revictimization by being even more controlling and inconsiderate to the others which is an energy Junpei would match I think especially going off his enneagram they'd be immediatly set in like an unhealthy loop of behaviors that push each other's trauma buttons on accident until they're hurting cause they're both trying to rush things and put each other in idealized boxes they imagined and having things their way Junpei is gonna come off much worse probably cause he's not a pov character and he's canonically an underhanded asshole when he has reson to be and he would not trust akane or her brother wouldn't be trying to pull another fast one on him so soon especially if we assume he has restored memories of the c-team ending too he'd like get keyed up and paranoid of being away from her for even a second

There are so many logistics involved in transporting and keeping in contact with people while simultaneously making sure no one leaks any sensitive information and that's probably important for Crash Keys and would fall mostly on Aoi to keep track of but he would in my opinion not be doing very okay either be it out of separation anxiety a level of psychically feeling like shit because of what akane goes through or just stress from preparing for an apocalypse more likely all of the above lol And he'd be working with half the info everyone else has cause if Akane doesn't pace herself in passing the new info to him he's gonna snap

Like I don't think these issues would be a slow burn to boil over, I think everything would feel like it's all going wrong from the get go and that kind of stress can be palpable in a group setting even if they're not under direct threath of death anymore I mean that's what ptsd is it's when you get fight or flight or freeze levels of fear in an entirely safe environment due to perceived instability and then they'd eat and rest and deal with it better for the next day, be more functional and levelheaded about everything going forward and even perhaps apologize and help each other out, and they'd be like that for a good while until underlying issues start to surface again in individual relationships cough mostly the junepei cough

[br1ghtestlight]

my angsty bob's burgers au that's like a character study for bob and louise (specifically how they enable each other's worst traits as linda pointed out) <3

when louise is three years old, gene is five and tina is seven linda goes to pick up gene and tina from school and gets into a car accident where all three of them are killed. bob was working at the restaurant and louise was w/ him

obviously they both take it pretty hard, since bob lost two of his kids and louise lost her mom and her siblings :( bob tries to keep it together for louise & continues running the restaurant and taking care of her while struggling with grief. he doesn't want to be like his dad and emotionally shut out louise or avoid all discussion of her dead family so he really TRIES to be there for her and vunerable and talk about her siblings and mom but it's hard and louise was already not a very social kid. they end up being pretty isolated from their community and mostly keep to themselves without having any friends or family to rely on. outcast type vibes </3 very similar to norman bates and his mom in bates motel (but less incest and murder-y). but louise is DEFINITELY a daddy's girl and has a very strong connection to him (and fear of losing him)

linda's family (and especially gayle) are obviously devastated without her and don't really talk to louise or bob anymore bcuz they're just a living reminder of what they lost. gayle didn't get along super well with louise to begin with

big bob tries to be there to support bob and louise bcuz he's been where they are, but it's hard on him too, losing two of his grandkids after he already lost his wife. and without linda there to repair their relationship and keep things friendly they eventually fall out of touch w/ each other

bob doesn't really talk to people or socialize outside of the bare minimum with his customers, and louise doesn't have her older siblings to push her outside her comfort zone or anybody to look up to and emulate other than bob so she becomes a social outcast herself & the kids at her school are scared of her and think she's weird and creepy (she def leans into the personality of s1 and s2 louise a little more with the voodoo/horror type stuff. she's got serial killer vibes tbh)

louise is creepy and generally keeps to herself but she's also just mean and pushy and rude to other people. she becomes a bit of a bully esp to the weirder kids like andy and ollie without her siblings around to morally guide her and remind her to be kind. bob definitely tries his hardest but parenting and grief is Hard especially with being a single parent and there's only so much he can do..... there's a little bit of disconnect between them. so when teachers from school call bob and tell him that louise is being kinda pushy and rude to kids on the playground he's just like "well she's louise. thats how she is" and doesn't challenge her as much as he probably should esp w/ the grief and trauma in her life, he feels like he has to go easy on her and let her get away with things she otherwise wouldn't have

teddy still eats regularly at bob's burgers of course but he doesn't exactly. make conversation with bob and without linda around he doesn't feel welcomed as a friend, he's more of just a regular customer who comes around a few times a week for a burger. definitely not bob's best friend

louise was so young when linda, gene and tina died that she doesn't remember them at all by the time she's her canon age in the show. she knows she HAD siblings and she's seen pictures of them but she can't remember what they sounded like or their personalities, sometimes it freaks her out and she imagines what they would say to her if they were still around. it's just hard for her :( and especially without her relationship with linda to show her the complexity of womanhood i think she has some more internalized misogyny. a lot of mental health issues and trips to mr frond's office (which she HATES)

because linda died after louise was already in preschool she did sew louise's ears for her before she died and they're her last keepsake from her mom, so of course she wears them all the time and has an even stronger emotional attachment to them. bob's pretty good at sewing and knitting so he fixes them up for her whenever they're torn

louise got tina's bedroom (previously their shared bedroom) all to herself after they died while bob stayed in his and linda's old bedroom. gene's bedroom becomes like a weird office/storage space that they dont really use for anything they just keep some of tina and gene's old things in there like his keyboard etc. louise's closet bedroom remains a closet lmao but louise does end up with a pretty cool bedroom when she's older

louise would eventually become friends with rudy in this au because he's like the first person to show her the kindness and empathy that her siblings would have if they'd been alive, and he's not scared of her. this au would mostly be about their developing relationship and louise trying to become a more social and less.... aggresive person??

bob could probably learn something from her too. it's so hard to lose your family and losing children is the hardest thing ever but you can't stay in that grief for the rest of your life. especially when you DO have a surviving child to take care of and love as hard as that might be sometimes (he's not neglecting her or anything but neither of them really..... moved on emotionally after the accident. bob probably doesn't drive bcuz he's scared of hurting her, and he's definitely overprotective of louise because he doesnt want to lose the only person in the world he's still alive for)

probably not gonna do anything serious with this au but it's something I do think about from time to time. also on a lighter note these messages w/ @goldendoodlerlockerlove

[raisinchallah]

you know i have mostly rewatched one against an army as its own standalone thing i dont think ive watched it in order well since the first time ive watched it and its interesting really a crossroads of television styles and evolution its interesting i feel like far less important episodes have had closer links to each other and like its not like elements of the rift go totally unmentioned in one against an army and i do also think if it got itself to mired into backstory and past stuff well the show simply wouldnt be what it is and i think the core of the show is its extreme flexibility to kind of be whatever it wants ive seen some people compare it to doctor who which is imo quite apt and apparently it was a bit of an influence on rtd rebooting the show which u know u really can see with the whole angsty war trauma brooding leather wearing character who can pull all sorts of strange ideas out of the back pocket and knows all these historical figures personally opening the world up to a bored blonde 19 year old who wants to get out of her boring life... but anyways i think if u make a show like that too serialized and every episode leads perfectly into the next you simply cant go from wild comedy fight with fish one day to life hangs in the balance heartbreaking fight to the death to save the love of your life and have it all still work as a singular show if u know every episode must open with some kind of rundown of the events prior but anyways in like most episodes its really felt like even in the most innocuous episodes there is always this level of emotional reality connecting and building up xena and gabrielles relationship that makes the jarring disconnect of essentially nothing of the bitter suite going mentioned in one against an army when the season had so well balanced itself with a lot of wonderfully thematically connected loose two parters and all and i think while they do not need to be emotionally recounting all the events in illusia i think the episode would be a lot stronger if instead of gabrielles ankle being injured the reason shes not fighting is because she and xena are not on good terms still or that she has decided she doesnt want to fight after all of those experiences she hasnt been in a battle in a serious way since her first kill i think the ankle injury is so tonally dissonant with the rest of the episode and is part of a weird angle to the later gabrielle comedy bits where the joke is shes angry or not having fun which always feel oddly mean spirited when all the other actors get to let loose in more wacky ways anyways tho i often enjoy the mixture of comedy and tragedy in xena it simply is not funny enough or serious enough to really work and i think if it was more about emotional wounds and it can remain somewhat unspecified but i think it would truly make the episode hit another level if u got to see the emotional journey for xena to go from frostiness and discomfort in the beginning of the episode to it being this true breakthrough that she really does love gabrielle so much and that she will do anything to protect her and it could feel like a more complete emotional wrap up to the whole arc tho obviously these are feelings that can never truly be resolved and are frankly the driving questions that power all their relationship and conflict but you know...

[kitausuret]

I have a feeling she won't show up but I'm willing to die on the hill of, Jubulile van Scotter would be THEEEEE perfect addition to the current Venom run. Do I say that every run since Carnage ended in 2017? Yes, but this time I really actually for REAL mean it and believe it in my heart of hearts. Can you guys even imagine how absolutely phenomenal of a cast member she would be.

(Carnage (2015) #6)

(Spoilers for Venom #18 below the cut.)

She's already connected to one part of Cosmic Marvel (like, the Darkhold and stuff) and you can't tell me this doesn't belong with all the shenanigans about the Beyonders and all that.. stuff that's happening that I don't understand LOL but I definitely understand it enough to know she belongs in it!!!

Wouldn't it be cool to see HER glowy super cool form next to like, the Eventuality or something? Yes. The answer is yes. Sure, she would probably have to borrow Toxin from Bren or something but come on, if fucking Liz Allan can have a Symbiote then we can bring back one of the best additions to the modern Symbiote cast.

(Carnage (2015) #16; Conway, Perkins - Jubulile, with the amalgamation of the Toxin and Raze symbiotes)

But like, imagine her meeting the Eventuality? That would be so neat, because she IS one of the few people in the world who really knows Eddie's heart. She understands who he is deep down, and that he's a good person, and that even when he makes mistakes - awful ones, even - he's still trying. I think having someone like her re-enter the picture could help ground him and remind him of what's important in his life.

I'm also thinking specifically of this scene:

(Venom (2021) #18; Ewing, CAFU)

Jubulile was kind of in a similar boat (heh) in Carnage! She didn't choose to have her boat fucking obliterated by Carnage. She didn't choose to get essentially infected by a serial killer's symbiote! She was sixteen years old! But she trusted Eddie, and Manuela, and Victoria, and ultimately - she even trusted Toxin.

I think that Eddie, regardless of his current status of living or not living, needs to get to a point of not thinking he needs to do this all on his own. He has friends and allies out there, people who DO care about him.

Look at them! They're so important to me!!! (Carnage #16 again)

I don't know how we would get Jubulile over to the States or what role she might play, maybe borrowing Toxin from Bren for a bit, maybe even gets involved with Dylan's shenanigans... but the magic-Darkhold-infused probably-older-teenager (by now) absolutely needs to be here. Obviously something huge is on the horizon, like literally universe-shattering level stuff (whether I like it or not) so why not pull out all the stops? Besides, I think it might be helpful for Dylan to have a few people around who won't simply be a yes-man to him (sorry, Normie).... but still have some experience in the Symbiote Sector. Jubulile has a really good head on her shoulders, and she would make a great addition as far as "younger-ish people trying to keep an unusually young Venom from doing things he might regret".

Bring her back!! (And bring Vicky and Manny along too, while you're at it!)

[foxgirlontherun]

okay so since we were talking about eddie munster (ik it's munson but when he first showed up on my dash i misread and now it's stuck), if you were going to write him into a horror piece *other* your spectacular ghost story, what would it be??

I love Munster. :D I can't give you really detailed stuff because my brain is fried from work and other things but here are two ideas:

I had a harringrove idea where Billy is brought back with black magic and he seems fine at first but then gets worse and worse and craves human flesh and it's just a bunch of disturbing stuff, like Steve's parents being fed to Billy. I really love necromancy in stories. So something like this could work with Eddie, too. Only it would be Dustin who would press maybe Steve (and the others) to help him bring Eddie back. The horror would be the slow disintegration of Dustin's sanity, Steve's desperation to help him and do the right thing and of course Eddie's whole situation of coming back from the dead, trying to find his way back to his old self but just getting more and more sick and then begging the others to end all this (he doesn't want to hurt anyone, but when the hunger gets strong enough he's not himself).

Another one esp for you: a serial killer is taking young boys in Hawkins (it started way back in the 60s with a murder, but they don't make the connection at the beginning of the story), they think Will is the first victim. Police has no leads, Hopper is desperate. Eddie gets involved when Dustin disappears too. He is a suspect because of the satanic panic but they don't have enough on him to keep him in custody. Eddie starts to investigate, gets some help from Dustin's remaining little and not so little friends, too. El is tormented by horrible dreams of the missing and dead boys. This is either just a crime or another potential ghost story so far... hm. We can pepper in some King and have the killer be a human possessed by something dark. So it won't be enough to kill the person, they have to get rid of the supernatural entity feeding on it, too.

[sillyroundkatie]

Who the hell is this 70s bitch?? (OC info under the cut!)

(Retro) Disturbia | She/Her | Femme Lesbian | Human | ~30? | 193 cm / 6'4" | Australian 

Before Disturbia became a world famous fashion designer - she was just a simple cringefail slob busy leeching off her cousin Clayton, making very little effort to actually pursue a career in fashion design. She hates her job as a waitress at a shitty diner, and will take out all her misery on you should you be subjected to her service. She works to live at the weekend, where she can indulge in every one of her addictions (and she has most of them). Her penchant for hedonism often leads her to clash with Clayton, who detests Disturbia's lack of self-care and control. However they're also the only people weird enough to understand eachother, connecting them on a deep familial level. At this point in time, Disturbia is a far cry from her later successful self ... but everything changes when Clayton is sent to prison for her serial murder crimes, and suddenly poor old Disturbia has to strike it out alone.

Common activities/hobbies: Disturbia's main hobbies are partying and doing drugs (and to her credit, it is the 70s). However her actual hobbies include a genuine love for fashion design. She also loves photography, and has her own dark room in which to develop her film. She finds the perfect combination of these two activities in taking photos of women modelling her clothes (usually her girlfriends, or ex-girlfriends, given she's bad at keeping them for long). Setting: Set in the 70s, when Disturbia is a younger woman. She works at a shitty diner as the world's rudest waitress. Clothing style: Disturbia is thriving in the 70s, and desperately wants to dress extravagantly (think Cher). However unfortunately she is limited by her non-existent budget, and so if she wants to wear a statement piece it has to be one she has made herself from the raw materials. She'd love to be wearing a full length exquisite mink coat, however her budget only really allows for a homemade fur coat made of rabbits (Clayton caught and skinned the rabbits for her).

You can draw them with:

Clayton (cousin) - Her ever suffering cousin, Clayton and Disturbia initially seem a very strange combination given they're exact opposites. However Disturbia is entirely unbothered by Clayton's unemotional and mean personality, and is also entirely unbothered by her criminal activity. Clayton does her best to tolerate Disturbia's laziness and lack of self preservation also. They do still clash often, but they always smooth it over somehow. Forever linked by their shared interest in the macabre.

Sera (But a 70s AU version) (student) - Clayton's ever suffering research assistant, Sera occasionally runs into Disturbia. They get along pretty well (considering Disturbia is much less acerbic and much more fun than Clayton), much to Clayton's annoyance.

Additional stuff to keep in mind: This is an alternate universe version of Disturbia, because I love her too much and there is too much fun to have with her in her younger days (Also I just really like the 70s aesthetic, and 70s Australia is an extra good setting). 

Some random trivia:

The white stripe in her hair is the result of a childhood mistake in a stupid hair dyeing request she made to Clayton. She used much stronger toxic chemicals than a normal person would, and the resulting strip was permanent.

She is deathly afraid of bugs and arachnids (but is also somehow fine with helping Clayton bury a body).

She has a semi-psychotic obsession with fur.

She's been caught driving under the influence so many times.

Clayton is so convinced that Disturbia will kill herself in a car crash that she ripped apart Disturbia's shitty car and now Disturbia has to ride a bicycle to work everyday.

Her skin sucks because she doesn't understand she should be wearing sunscreen.

[hell-heron]

Rambling about my fic and literary hardships under the cut

I think the thing that gives me the most secondhand embarrasment on rereading/finding new comments for ikmka is the way I handled the ensemble/background/random ironborn OCs part of the cast, there's just too many for the lenght, a lot of episodes are bizarre/pointless/just there to separate more important scenes etc, was it really needed to have three separate fosterlings of Alannys and three separate Botleys as speaking characters etc can't believe someone Is reading this dreck right now...

Part of it is I've always been someone who enjoys coming up with family trees and pointless headcanons and then can't let go of them lmao since I was 13 it was a problem and you can see it in even short fics (red moonlight, three boys etc not to mention the entirety of my Romeo and Juliet production). Like for example the worst offender (besides the Victarion thing where I was biased and wanted to include the oaf because I love him) is definitely the little trip to Iron Holt where I was attached to the little connection I came up with for Aladale Wynch (why is an ironborn knight at the Wall? backstory) and also to Calla Orkwood/Wynch a true 13 year old girl OC produced entirely by my heart and ass. And then after I came up with that I felt the need to continue on that thoroughline so it would be a feature of the fic and not one random extraneous episode.

On the other hand I really do think this fic needed the reader feel as violently dunked as Theon was in this social whirlwind, thematically, it's important to show/don't/tell that Theon is experiencing this kind of sudden and jerky reintegration to this culture, all these new opportunities for healthy peer relationships, mentor relationships, mentee relationships that should more than make up for losing one younger friend but don't, all these responsibilities and social obligations as a young lordling that should make him feel justified in coming back but don't, all this praise and acceptance for his actions which should make him feel better but don't, all this exposure to the consequences of the Greyjoy rebellion that should make him feel righteous about wronging the Starks in return but don't. Its stuff a more skilled writer could definitely have conveyed in tighter fewer scenes but I personally enjoy the confusing whirlwind approach!

(I also wasn't the best I fear at making this return different enough from canon- It felt like there were a lot more new meetings that should have been reunions, now its three years and not ten. But that also makes partial sense to me - he missed three years of passage from childhood to adolescence and now his world has opened abruptly beyond the confines of the Island of Pyke rather than gradually)

Overall though this reminds me of a musing I periodically have, which is that the novel/short story form is just... Bad at conveying the social sphere of extroverted characters or very connected characters (which I wanted Theon to be, Theon is very extroverted imho). You constantly see this criticism with characters who are characterised as popular but have three besties or unintentionally come across as being detached from everyone. GRRM, definitely one of the authors who should not be encouraged to add more characters and background details, constantly gets comments on how his court settings feel empty or how his characters who you wouldn't expect to be loners only have one friend outside of family. In 2021 my sister was having one of those downswings in social situation you have when you're out of sync with your former group in how fast you're going thru puberty and I was researching middle grade books that had less emphasis on rigidly insular groups and codependent bestie bonds and more on relationships developing organically and situationally and there wasn't really anything besides Anastasia Krupnik and thats a serial

(Ikmka is def a middle grade novel among other genres tbh)

Or like recently I've been struck by how well Ljudmila Petrushevskaja does it in short stories but she definitely also does it by confusing whirlwind technique; also Emma and Persuasion are good examples to me but not exactly everything that Austen writes is. Its just this very delicate balance of lots of people all of whom are known and some kind of relationship exists with and who are loosely arranged in groups but you don't get the feeling every single person has an ironclad thematic reason to know the protagonist, you know. Its a really hard realism/thematic coherence balance to strike and I can never describe it until I see it

[jadeglas]

Heya!

I'm Jade and while I'm not new to Tumbling, it has been a long ass time since the last time I posted. Seriously, I've gotten married, become a mama, and now my baby is starting preschool!

But that's part of why I'm coming back. With my toddler out of the house for most of the day, keeping the house running is 500x easier! This means that I have time to work on some of the obsessions hobbies that I set aside when my kiddo was born.

...Like reading and writing spicy stories! (Even though I never really stopped reading them ...)

But also learning more about paranormal creatures (and folk tales, in general) and how to tell a badass story. You know, the kind of perfectly normal obsessions hobbies anyone could have.

I've even decided that I'll finally self publish an original story of my own! (Yay!)

But that well of creativity I used to have... It kind of isn't there any more. (Aw, fuckle sauce)

I used to read all the time (mostly fanfiction, but it still counts). I played tabletop RPGs with my friends several days a week and even when I wasn't writing (mostly fanfiction, but it still counts), I was still coming up with new scenes and story ideas nearly every time I heard a new song. (or an old song that held meaning for me) ... (or any song, really, as long as I was in that super creative state where I was physically exhausted from work, but mentally traveling at super speeds because Monster Rehab is unholy but delicious)

But little ones need so much attention - soooooo much attention. And while I don't regret a single moment, I didn't realize that when I made my kiddo the center of my mental universe, that my storytelling skills would atrophy.

So, I sat myself down and thought back to what really got me passionate about writing in the first place.

I mean, I've been telling myself stories for as long as I can remember. I'm pretty sure I still have the first story I ever wrote (I was 9 and it was a Peter Pan self insert). But it wasn't until I found this place, Tumblr, that I really felt excited enough about a story to share it with others.

I learned so much here. I learned about fandoms and synesthesia and respectful representation and toxicity and memes and that other people could love and care about a fictional person just as much as I did.

It was an incredible time in my life.

And it would be even more incredible if I could have a piece of that again. Yes, Tumblr has changed, but so have I. Everything changes - the world has moved on (if you know what that's from, please know that I love you) and no one can ever go home, and so on.

But Second Chance Romance is a whole sub genre of its own, so maybe Tumblr and I still have a chance?

It's worth trying for, I think.

This was more wordy than I meant it to be, but that's me, so I'm leaving it this way (I love words, really and truly). If you made it this far, I would love to connect with you! I'm here to read and write stories, but mostly paranormal romance. I'm happy to talk about your book (if you write), or that book you just finished (if you read), or about the writing process in general! I'll be reposting (is that the word? I can't remember and it's bothering me) stuff that speak to me, as well as thoughts, ideas, and experiences of my own, but I'm thinking of starting a serial story, too? (I miss writing, really and truly)

What do you think? Would you be willing to read a serial story or is that more of a fanfiction thing?

Either way, you take care and I'll post again tomorrow!

[where-i-bitch-about-nashville]

Melcor AML-27 restoration/racking 1RU stereo preamp

yoyoyo i got something done! i’ve been stuck on this thing and put it on thr backburner like embarassingly long ago and just went thru and got it back up and working:

Melcor Electronics Corp. AML-27 preamp cards, which were made circa 1965-1969 were sold in this backplane format, ordered or installed with fixed gain they were part of the ‘big green machine’ recording console as well as made with the RCA logo and branding for the same 1731 op amp used on these circuit boards. The 1731 uses 9 transistors. Melcor Electronics Corp/MEC still exists, and they made industrial microwaves and peltier coolers and stuff. MEC sold/ended their audio equipment division in a way that gave rise to Automated Processes, Incorporated, API. They still exist making consoles, and may even still make this format of preamp/line amp cards for all I know. It is 300mm not 500mm though, smaller than the popular 500-series lunchbox format. Anywho, API redesigned this whole thing with improved everything. They came up with the 2520 discrete op amp, which has been made along with its subsequent revisions in later years and is still the backbone of API consoles and outboard gear. The 2520 uses 11-transistors.the 400-17 and 400-20 transformers MEC used would be replaced with the API 2622 and 2623’s on their model 312 mic preamp. Or just the 2623, in the case of the 325 line amp card.

The AML-27 is a perfectly imperfect circuit design, lovely in its time, and it balances all of its various imperfections nicely… nay in an electronic sense, it absolutely juggles the metallurgy (and limitations of the transformer designs), op amp instabilities, feedback, gain, distortion, and overall resonance to make a really awesome fat sound. Compared to the API mic pre, it is much more lows and more third harmonic distortion. The distortion also becomes pretty soft clipping in the high gain settings. The API 312’s feedback lends itself to a more midrangey overall preamp sound. The whole sound comparison just boils down to sounding like the late 60’s vs the API sounding like early 70’s circuits, i dont have much better way to describe it. I read on the now-renamed gearslutz that Melcor circuits are all over the Frank Zappa and the Mothers of Invention album Uncle Meat.

My pair of cards was likely parted out from one of these old MEC backplanes around 6-8 years ago. I have serial numbers 012 and 936, but I have no idea their history before me!

For my part, I removed a PCB card kit build in 2010 that I took apart to rack these up, so everything is sort of prototype quality to get them usable and make sure they work right. It has way too many screw holes and scratched up paint, sharpie, and all kind of mess but so far I recapped the electrolytics, matched the feedback and built Grayhill 1073 12-position rotary switches with 1% metal film resistors for the stepped gain control. It has Bourns output attenuators, 110% shielded pure copper twist wire on all the audio path connections with quad 26ga +/- conductor wires. DC supply is on solid 22ga copper throughout, but retains the original Melcor card power LC filter instead of the diodes that were common on the later API mic pre designs that were based on this. I really paid a lot of attention to grounding, shielding, and cable routing, but turns out I did a terrible job back when I first hooked up the audio lines and need to redo it while spacing the cards out evenly in the chassis.

I got these cards stable up to 65dB of gain! :D I have a plan to get the 70dB stable without having to flip 2 switches, but it will have to wait until I can change to a multigang rotary switch.

So far I’ve fixed the input impedance at 600-Ohms, but I installed switches that will allow for the 3-way 300-, 600-, 1200-Ohm input strapping; i still have to wire that up. There is also already functioning 180° phase reverse, -18dB pad, and 48v phantom power on the input line. In the spirit of the 60’s prototype feel, I just went with directly wired mini toggle bat switches.

The gain and output attenuation knobs are a repro RCA skirted pointer knob scaled down to an appropriate size. The chassis is a 1U Middle Atlantic 8” deep steel puppy I got at Randolph & Rice in 2009 or 10 for the kit build. RIP Randolph & Rice Electronics, I miss them every time I build a thing… I am probably going to paint this with the vintage Melcor logo and the logo silhouette repeated as the eye slit in a stencil and possibly rattle-can likeness of the Big Bad of Tolkien lore, Melkor, aka Morgoth. AFAIK nobody else has seized on the company having a Tolkien themed name in arting up any mic pre builds… does anybody have any good Melkor art they’d want hidden in my rack??

So next I have to polish up my racking Valley People mic preamps project, and build an RCA tube console mic preamp pair from scratch of cobbled together vintage parts and new components. I’m also going to turn an Olsen Color Organ deathtrap box into a multiband filter/EQ, and make a clone Audimation Corp. EQ in an original Audimation EQ rack chassis. haha my work is cut out for me… but the mic pre’s will fill out my setup with a pair or two of every decade of noteworthy and/or Nashville linked sounds. for the early 60’s: something like what was originally installed at RCA Studio B, for the late 60’s: these Melcors, for the 70’s: API 2098 console pre’s modded out to the max for what is in RCA studio B now, the 80’s: Valley People/1979 Loft Audio 800 Console MPA5 made hy Valley People in Nashville, for the 90’s and 00’s: i feel like everyone was using protools and mbox interfaces and stuff that kinda didnt have much of a sound so im throwing in MOTU and RME transformerless preamps, and for the 2010’s: Miktek MPA-201, assembled in Nashville version of a rack pair of 1073 mic preamps using correct NOS transistors with 6 AMI audio transformers, dual metering, and lit relay switches for all the controls. 70dB of clean gain. 🔥🔥 I can pretty much make a recording sound like any of those decades with what I have, or combine it all for a mix with all this richness and character of some sick sounding mic and preamp combinations to do all the hard work up front!

[hospitalterrorizer]

diary123

1/15-16/2024

monday - tuesday

still need to wash my face.

but errands day went pretty well, all things considered, i almost didn't go but my gf's mom asked if she should come by later, and i said yeah, so she did. i was dead tired and had to sleep until 2 pm. i had a weird dream and can hardly recall it. i can't tell if it was today, or yesterday, but it involved arizona, there was a house that was creepy, on a street corner. reminds me of somewhere in chicago, one of those houses from the 20s, all wood and decrepit but pretty. it was around halloween in the dream, and i was near the house, and walking i saw this other version of wendy's, like how carl's jr. is hardee's in other places in the us, idk what this one was called though. it was ancient looking. but a woman from the scary house abducted me. the house was connected to a shopping mall that looked like sunshine city in ikebukuro, tokyo. she made me work in the mall as a slave basically, selling shoes, the shoe store is funny, because we didn't see it in ikebukuro, it's the one i remember from the shibuya 109. she was dressed in a white gothic lolita outfit, and i had to wear a black one. my gf was looking for me, in the tunnels from the subway that lead into sunshine city, these very winding and sterile things, all tile. there's one part open to air, and out there, was not tokyo, but a southwestern city, populated with old buildings, graffiti, and misery. it felt like la, for some reason. but it was arizona, it was supposedly a small town but it was huge. the apocalypse was somewhere in the dream, there is a part i recall, of every feature of the landscape, every interior that i had been in, that was getting destroyed. there is a part of the dream in a regular suburb, house party, another girl i don't know, i was sitting i was receiving premonitions, and conversation turned to this serial killer who became invisible, i felt i was being hunted. i was running, in the part of town i got enslaved in, i was scared i was being hunted, that has to be it, i'm always scared i'm being hunted down in dreams. there's something here though, a feeling of the whole world being on the inside of spirit halloween, of being like illbleed, it's hard to communicate, but that was part of it too. there were parts where i had a health bar, and i watched myself from third person cameras. or i guess tank controls almost. my health the color of sticky red syrup, i felt dirty.

at one point, the woman saw me not working, and she pulled me by a chain on my neck, and made me fall, she really hated me i think, but she also made sure i didn't die i feel like. maybe we were cooperating in that way. i wish i wrote it when i woke up, but all my dreams are long and detailed. there's memories too, maybe this was the dream yesterday, of an airport with a huge store in it, the store was bigger than the airport, and the thing about the store was it only had art in it, basically, or stuff adjacent. there was an anime dungeon, a lot of hentai in it for some reason. besides that, was a bunch of snuff equipment, a scorpion enclosure, iron maidens, a mummy in glass in the center of the very small room, and then outside, a barnes and nobles-ish section for music. i looked for the blood brothers there, and then i had to fly away. i was looking for march on electric children, i settled on that one.

all my dreams have shopping. i'm sick, in that way. and murder and sex and stuff too. i'm sick like that too. i'm just probably very seriously ill honestly. i'll see if i remember tonight better. there's a kind of narrative in all these, i'm really running from something, and then the world is about to end, i'm not at the center or able to stop it, but it's sad and i want to experience something. one dream about the apocalypse i had many years ago sticks with me because of gender stuff from it, i don't know if i should really talk about it here though, it was very strange and grotesque but it made me feel something warm.

anyway, today, not a lot else happened. i didn't do anything music related and it's too late now. on thursday, i've gotta go to a job interview. that's news. but i'm so bad at doing that. lately the issue of navigating of how people see me is something i'm thinking about more. i don't think i care about pronoun stuff really but i hate that i put 'male' on my applications but also putting 'i don't want to say' or whatever just doesn't seem to fly. nobody wants to hire a blank i guess, is what they must think or feel. or there's no thinking or feeling probably, it's just an automated sorting thing that tosses me immediately.

i guess it's fun thinking of how they'll react to me. i don't know. i don't know what i look like other than that i look like myself. dealing with all of this is like having paperwork or homework that i haven't done in 100 years, piling. like if i want a job do i have to be intelligible or whatever. it's depressing.

in other news but not really even i heard the most transphobic song in my life today, by this new local band called rhetoric. i won't link it or anything, but it's so cartoonishly hateful it's hard to take entirely seriously. i just know it is real, which makes it awful. the song is like, it goes in on every angle, i'll spare details but it really is every single one. this band seems to be trying to go viral on the daily wire and ifunny, they seem to be astroturfing ifunny because all the yt vids of their ep have people saying 'coming from ifunny! this is dope'. this band basically is one month old and opened for trapt, the nu metal band that sucks entirely. this band is so awful musically, as well. the venue is under light fire and has basically said 'we need free speech' and then the band is like ' we love lgbt humans. that's why we won't entertain their delusions', the situation is so stupid it's hard to feel very upset. these people are really trying to get viral by being awful. it is hard to look away though. i guess the part that sucks the most is this venue is the one i saw melt banana at.

anyway it is late nowww.

i did read today but not a super substantial amount, the cybernetic hypothesis remains interesting, challenging too, it did mention that the cybernetic state of rn, management, financialization, politics of power but a separate kind of aesthetic marker, and being modular in that the hierarchy is always going to be preserved in crisis/especially because of crisis, and that this state of affairs constitutes a kind of anti humanism, one that founds itself on furthering humanist goals but also totally obliterates anything outside of this purview, and it absorbs everything back into it, in order to defang, to act as if it's listening anyone and still moving forward. i guess it connects to the above in a way, but it also puts my anti humanism in a kind of tension, it's interesting to think the things i believe/ my approach can be related to this current standard. or not related, everyone's beliefs can be related to this, but i guess that certain anti humanisms can be said to support the status quo. this connects to the venue thing about in a pithy (it feels right to say it here) way, where the venue acts as if it's listening to queer people complaining, but then keeps everything in place, nothing changes, they pull the 'we have queer people do events here plenty but we need free speech' thing, so people who are upset seem unreasonable because they seem to have a problem with people being listened to, which is afforded to them too, so like, what's the big deal, is probably what some people think. idioticccc. it's all so stupidddddddddddd.

anyway the world is terrible i guess. i did read about also how the internet was designed by the military. everyone knows this already, it's just fun to be reminded i guess. it's pointless to bring it up so coldly/in this way, but there isn't a ton to say, about that, you know. it makes it strange/complex, this place we're all totally stuck.

but, i digress.

byebye!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!