#and it feels like lately it's just an every day thing and i'm so fucking tired
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hi babyy .. any thoughts about eunseok or anton?? 'm feeling both of them today :(( i feel like they will take care of their sweet girl so well.. i hope ure having a nice day >3<
hiii !!! thank you for sending an ask !! i'm so sorry this is so super duper late! i hope you're having a lovely day today !!! ofc i have thoughts abt seokie n tonie 🙂↕️🙂↕️🙂↕️
୨୧ warnings|soft dom eunseok and anton,reader gets called bunny and princess,praise,daddy and sir kink,cum play,size kink,dumbification,impregnation kink,riding,fat cock riize always,overstimulation
seokie n ton love taking care of their sweet girl :( actually one of their favorite things to do!!!! you're just all theirs and they wanna always make you feel good and like their perfect girl!! they show it in suchhh different ways though n it always makes you feel like a little princess 🙂↕️
seokie's type of spoiling is through ddlg </3 lets you be as submissive and small as you want n always takes such good care of you!!! makes you feel so small too :( would notice of you were getting needy or if you were feeling sticky bcs you cling to him a lot and it makes him happy you feel so safe and protected that way :( always goes "gonna tell daddy whats wrong bunny?" and his voice is so soft n sweet you melt immediately :( get like a baby in heat n start begging him to do anything to you!!!! seokie feels you're always feeling the best when you're dumbed down so he talks down to you :( asking if your pretty head is empty and if thats why you can't tell him what you want!! if you need daddy to do every single thing for you bcs you're too little n dumb to think to do anything for yourself :( gets you to the point you're just absent mindlessly nodding to every single word he says n decides to help you then </333
eunseok loves fucking you doggy when he can press your head into the bed n his whole body weight is ontop of you n you can't fight :( kissing your back n mumbling how hes gonna cum so deep in your pussy he'll have you dripping for days!! how you would look so cute with your dada's baby, one hand on your stomach while hes drilling into you saying hes gonna get you pregnant n how pretty round you would be n can't help it :( love when he talks abt fucking a baby into you so much!!!! eyes rolling back n small out of breath moans turning pornograpic the closer you get n eunseok keeps his promise!! cumming alllll inside n not letting a single drop drip out :( holds inside like hes just knotted you 🙂↕️
anton is different from eunseok bcs he lets you get what you want immediately 🙂↕️🙂↕️🙂↕️ can come up to him tugging on his shirt telling him you need him n he lets you have him :( the only problem is that hes soooo big :( so strong n tall too he always towers above you n when he lets you get what you want you forget how he always size trains you before taking him :( too big to fit inside your cunny n asking him for help n he makes you call him sir :( would help!!!! loves his lil sweet princess <3 doesn't mean he can't tease n doesn't like how bigger he is!!!! tonie the type that makes you ride him bcs its so cute to see you struggling :( eyes fluttering n mouth dropped bcs its sooo good!! would lay your head on his shoulder n whisper "tonie please... can't do it," n he can't be mean to you :(( always ends up holding you down by your hips n fucking up into you </3 fat tip hitting your cervix over n over again you feel so dizzy n full of him!!!! keeps hitting your g spot n making you mushy n everytime you think you're gonna cum he pulls out n you're too tired to fight back so you just whine n whine for him to stop :( only lets you cum after edging you so many times n makes you go "please let me cum sir... need you.. need your cum inside." n pushes so deep inside to color your cunny </3
when you cum anton still doesnt stop :( needs you to be absolutely blissed out you're no longer responding even if that means fucking out orgasms that you don't have </3 holds you against his chest while you're sobbing from the overstimulation and shushes you :( saying how you're doing so well for him!! his perfect sweet princess taking all his fat dick </3 how he just wants one more n he knows you can do it n you wanna be so good so you keep cumming around his dick :( goes until you're twitching n squirting all over :((( only then lets you get a break n you're so cloudy but you love it!!!!!! love when tonie takes good care of you like this </333
#purinsweb *:.。♡#eunseok web *:.。♡#anton web *:.。♡#riize smut#riize hard hours#riize hard thoughts#riize scenarios#riize x reader#song eunseok smut#eunseok smut#riize eunseok smut#eunseok x reader#lee anton smut#riize anton smut#anton smut#anton lee smut#anton x reader
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Better than the series
Noah Sebastian x Reader
Rating: 18+
Warnings: light discussion, you being a bit shitty, jealousy, oral sex, Noah using that damn mustache
Author comments: hi bestiessss, how are you? if you follow me, you may have seen a post i made about mustache!noah a few days ago and honestly, i didn't think that post would get so many notes (which makes me think that mustache!noah is something everyone is interested in). anyway, i'm going to hell for thinking about noah like that and i'm taking all of you with me, kisses!
"It was great, guys! Thank you so much! See you next week!" You said, pretending not to be so enthusiastic.
You finished your work and lowered the screen of your laptop with excitement. Friday afternoons were always full of expectations. The daily stress of adult life kept you away from your boyfriend much more than you would have liked, so the closer Friday night, the sacred moment for both of you, got, the more butterflies danced in your stomach. Of course, you weren't a little girl anymore, and you weren't in the "getting to know him" stage, but damn, when you realized who you were dating, it was hard not to feel like jelly.
You took a quick but strategically effective shower, dressed comfortably, perfumed your hair with Noah's favorite scent, and quickly ordered a car to be there as soon as possible.
With a backpack on your back and a smile on your face, you arrived ready for your special evening with Noah. It didn't matter what you were going to do, what mattered was that you were together. The door opened and he greeted you with a warm hug and a kiss before you snuggled down on the couch. How good it was to be with him, you felt as if the week hadn't passed you by, as if being in the warmth of his arms dissolved all the pain and worry in your life. You just wanted time to freeze so you could stay there forever, just you and him.
"I counted the minutes until today. Our Fridays are sacred, but some weeks are so exhausting that they make it even more special," you smiled and patted Noah's cheek. "What do you want to do today?"
He kissed your forehead, the mustache he had invented to keep on lately tickling you slightly and making you giggle.
"I love our Fridays too. But there's one thing… the guys are organizing a gaming session tonight," Noah replied.
You pulled away from his embrace a little, just for you to see him more clearly, blinking your eyes a few times in a row. "But today?" you asked, confused. "Noah, it's our night."
Noah scratched the back of his head, knowing his explanation wouldn't go over well, but he tried to explain himself anyway.
"It's Jay's birthday. He's alone at the exchange and we want to give a little joy to his day. I promise it won't take long."
You understand that Jay is alone and he misses his friends, especially Noah since they've known each other for so long, but you can't hide your frustration and immediately cross your arms in disappointment.
"You're always talking to them, we hardly have time for each other."
"But we're together every week, we see each other all the time, and Jay? Look at his side, the guy's all alone there. I bet you don't want to feel alone."
You stand up, getting off Noah's lap and reply, still frustrated, "Alone? That's how you're leaving me, alone. You should pay attention to me. It's Friday, Noah, our day!"
He stands up, and although you love that look on his face, his already closed face gets on your nerves. You hated it when Noah did that.
"Fuck, am I not here? I don't leave you alone, have I ever left you alone? I understand that today is our day, I really do, but you could put yourself in other people's shoes a little," Noah sighs, trying not to be a jerk and get into an argument with you. He thinks of better words to say to you before he continues. "He needs it today, he's been feeling very lonely lately."
You exchange glances: from his side, the silent plea for you not to be as angry as you already seem to be; from yours, the growing tension and frustration. You sigh, not wanting to start a fight, but feeling deeply annoyed.
"Fine," you just give in, seriously. "But I'm not happy about it."
Noah kisses your lips and only replies, "I promise it'll be quick. You can stay in the room with me while I play, I don't want you to feel left out."
You enter the room together, but the atmosphere is still charged. Noah begins to set up the computer for the game while you sit on the bed, trying to hide your disappointment.
"Gotta call Emma so we can watch something on call. At least that way I won't be totally left out and I'll have someone to talk to."
"Sure, good idea. Just don't be too mean to the character on the show," he replies absent-mindedly, but trying to be nice.
"Don't worry, he'll have all our attention," you reply, giving him a cynical smile.
Noah nods, a little relieved, as you pick up the phone to call your friend. He sits down in his gaming chair, turning on the neon light in the room, and off the regular bedroom light to make the room comfortable for both of you. He adjusts the headset to start while you lie on the bed fiddling with your cell phone, clearly uncomfortable with the situation.
"Okay, guys, I'm here. Let's get started before Jay shows up."
You call your friend, and she somehow comes over to keep you company. You sit down on the bed with your laptop next to you and start watching the show. Noah, next to you, remains focused on the game, occasionally casting a furtive glance at you. A scene begins, highlighting the show's main character. He's handsome, wearing a shirt that, despite its formal appearance, is brightly colored and has some of its buttons undone, tight jeans, and aviator glasses that hide his deep brown eyes. But what really catches the eye is his distinctive mustache.
"Look at that man, that mustache is quite a sight," Emma jokes, her voice electronically present in the room. "This guy definitely knows how to use it to his advantage."
Noah, between the music playing and the laughter of his friends, hears you both burst out laughing, the sound echoing around the room, and he makes a point of very discreetly removing one side of the headset from his ear, curious to know why you're laughing.
"The mustache is like… a sign of confidence. I bet he must be amazing in bed."
"Totally! Do you think he's good in bed just because he has a mustache?"
"Absolutely! He must know exactly how to use it. Just think, a guy with a mustache like that must have tricks we can't even dream of."
Noah finds himself increasingly interested in the conversation and can't help but mute the sound of his headphones, trying his best to pay attention, one eyebrow raised in excitement to know how far your conversation is going, and just pretend to play.
"It must be the kind that takes your breath away in seconds," you say, unaware that Noah is listening. "The kind that knows what they're doing, the kind that's… experienced."
"A lot more than most. If a guy with a mustache like that paid attention to me, I wouldn't care about anything else, I'd just need him and a glass of water to live."
You laugh at Emma's comment, but then you look at Noah out of the corner of your eye and become serious again. "Yes, but some people prefer to play."
Noah continues with his temporarily forgotten game, pretending not to be hearing, but his expression with his back to you shows that he heard every word you said. "To play, huh?" He just moves his lips, speaking silently.
The conversation between you continues, full of laughter and bold comments about the character on the show. Noah keeps the microphone muted for long moments, discreetly observing the interaction.
The show ends and Emma says goodbye to you. Your phone vibrates with a message from your friend:
"It was fun, but I'm going to leave you to sort things out. Good luck!"
You reply with a few words: "Thanks. See you, Emma."
You get into bed, feeling a little better for the laughs with her, but still annoyed that Noah's game is taking longer than he promised.
"Good night, Noah," you say, turning your back on him, then mutter something inaudible, still slightly annoyed, but mostly frustrated. He should have at least warned you that the evening was going to be like this and that you'd be ready to do something else.
Noah doesn't answer, otherwise you might think he was listening the whole time. He sighs, knowing it will take an extra effort to get your attention again.
(…)
The night stretches on and Noah finally shuts down his computer and takes off his headset. He looks at you lying on your back, and even though you're asleep, he knows that you're clearly distant. Without forgetting how you've been thinking about the man in the series, he laughs softly, touches his own mustache, and something in him is ignited.
He slowly moves closer, snuggling up to you under the covers, already pushing your hair aside to make room to kiss your neck, deliberately brushing his facial hair. You slowly stir from the tickle you feel and finally wake up when you feel Noah's big hand playing with the nipple of your breast under your clothes.
"Noah…" you sigh, still sleepy. "What are you doing?"
He keeps tracing long kisses down your neck, making you shiver, and in a low, teasing voice he says in your ear, "You think I'm not paying attention, don't you? Those comments about the guy on the show… Do you think he could make you feel that way?"
Your sleep begins to dissipate as he kisses you, making you sigh, feeling your resistance melt away.
"Did you hear that? I was just kidding…" You turn your face to find his almond eyes staring at you with desire, your ass beginning to feel his bulge growing behind you.
He pulls the blanket off you and turns you over on the bed, kneeling in front of you and pulling off your shorts and panties together. He pushes your legs apart and you moan softly, already completely surrendered to the moment.
"Kidding?" His laugh makes you throb. "I'm going to show you that I'm much better than any guy you see on TV."
And he dives between your legs, ready to taste you, but mostly to tease you. He kisses one side of your groin, then the other, making a point of brushing his facial hair against you, noticing how wet and thirsty it makes you.
"Noah… Please…" you moan, trying to move your hips closer to Noah's mouth. He smiles smugly and runs his tongue along your folds, which are throbbing with excitement.
He turns his attention to your clit, sucking and sucking, making everything hotter and wetter. The hairs on his mustache, which you had just imagined tickling you while watching the show, only made you feel more pleasure. Noah tastes you like a hungry man and brings you closer and closer to coming apart.
"Look at you, you tremble every time I run my mustache over that needy pussy… I don't think I'll be shaving anytime soon. Do you want me to shave, babe?" he asks, laughing and rubbing his nose against you.
"N-no Noah, I don't want you to…" and you moan as you feel two of his long fingers penetrating you, unable to finish the sentence. "Noah, please…"
He is relentless in the way he moves his fingers inside you, knowing every point of you, knowing exactly what to do to turn you on. Without much effort, he feels you clenching against his fingers, your thighs shaking in spasms, and he hears your voice break into a loud moan calling out to him as you cum hard in his mouth.
He pulls away from you and kneels in front of your still-spread legs to appreciate your throbbing folds and your flushed, orgasmic face. "You're such a silly girl sometimes." He smiles and runs his fingers, which were inside you moments before, through his own mustache and ends up sucking on his own fingers. "This is for you to learn to appreciate what you have."
And then he just gets up and leaves the room, laughing at the incredulous way you look at him, trying his best to maintain the idiotic character he's just created, even though he knows he'll be buried inside of you in a few minutes, making you cum a few more times to live up to your special Friday.
.
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#noah sebastian x reader#bad omens#noah sebastian#noah sebastian fic#bad omens fic#bad omens fanfic#fanfic#noah sebastian fanfic#luna writes
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Celestia has fallen, ending a period of turmoil, meaning you and Dottore are free to do what you want with the rest of your lives - but both of you have trouble getting accustomed to this new, strangely peaceful life.
Seeing the sky completely clear save for puffy clouds was a sight that still took getting used to, after all, the island that had once been there was commonplace for everyone. But now, after a long and arduous war, and centuries of preparation and loss, it was over. Celestia had been defeated, the era of rebuilding was slow yet steady, and the Fatui had disbanded shortly after their victory.
... Meaning that you and Dottore, who once had much to do and worry about, now had... very little to do and worry about. His once-important experiments had reached their peak, and what's more, you were finally free from your illness. There was no need for all-nighters spent hastily writing notes, creating new concoctions for you, tending to the darker side of his work. Similarly, the days spent in anguish and sickness had now become a memory of the past, although your body was still slowly recovering.
So what was there to do now?
That was what you thought as you lay in the dark, cuddling close to Zandik's chest in your new home. It was an odd feeling - having him this close for days on end - sleeping with you from nightfall to the sun rising. It was once an exceedingly rare occurrence, from when he was once a busy Harbinger, but here he was still in bed. (Although he still had a habit of waking up early - whether he laid there and stared at you, or got up to find something to busy himself with was still a fifty-fifty chance.)
To be honest, now that you thought about it, you never had a real, fleshed-out plan on what to do after everything was over. All you had was the first step - acquire a spacious and cozy home in Sumeru to settle down. And well, that had been accomplished surprisingly easier than you anticipated - The Jester had gifted you such a house in a perfect spot - leaving it as a goodbye gift.
In the beginning, the days had been as leisurely as possible, bordering on lazy. Sleeping in late into the day, hours upon hours spent appreciating each other's presence and body. You defended it as making up for centuries of lost time, although Dottore didn't protest in the first place. Dinner was spent quietly outside, looking up at the sky that was no longer false. However, it was obvious both of you were growing a bit restless - which was why you quickly came up with a plethora of new things to do.
—
"Let's start a garden!"
And so had started a common goal between you two - although another issue that had been presented in this new relaxing life was Dottore's lingering hesitation to trust you with certain activities. Constantly he was keeping an eye on your every move or stepping in himself, even though he knew you could do some things yourself now.
Truthfully, you couldn't blame him, already aware that overprotectiveness that lasted centuries wouldn't go away so easily, but that was something that would have to be worked through slowly. He was still performing a routine check-up on your every day...
"Zandik, it's just digging up some soil. You're acting like the worms are going to attack me or something."
"... Just make sure not to scrap your knees."
"I'm also not a child- darling, what are you injecting into the plants...?" Your husband only smiled, his sharp teeth gleaming.
"This? Do not worry, we won't consume these ones. This is simply... a test to indulge my curiosity."
Well, you always knew his love of experimenting would never truly go away! Maybe you'll get some cool, fucked up, weird mutated plants!
—
"Let's get a kitty so Foxttore has a friend!"
Despite all the tragedy you'd endured, Foxttore was one of the few things that remained with you the whole time, even after the way. The creature quite liked Sumeru after surviving Snezhnaya - it was always lazily sunbathing and refused to come in. Dottore still kept his habit of locking it out.
The pufflings too of course - but they had made the two of you become the gossip of the children - turns out the black puff balls started playing with the kids and kept returning to your house, making them whisper about "the two weird grown-ups who live out in the middle of nowhere." You were amused.
Regardless of your reputation, now you and your husband were in the perfect environment to finally own a cute kitty. The lab wasn't exactly the ideal place for such an animal, after all.
... So now, an equally as lazy cat could be found sleeping on Zandik's lap as he read by the window, giving it languid tummy rubs and pets. Foxttore wasn't invited.
—
"Let's go exploring!"
When you had dropped this idea on Zandik, he had given you a strange look.
"All this time, you had been pleading with me to stay inside and relax, but now you wish to go and exert yourself?" Despite his remarks, you could tell Zandik wished to do something with his hands as well.
"Well, this is because it's going to be fun! It'll be like we're students again!"
And with that, you two were back inside the huge Ruin Golem in the forest. To be honest, there was not much to actually explore here, but... it was nostalgic. It was places like these where the two of you spent a lot of time together, and where he told you of his grand ambitions as a young scholar.
And even after all this time, the former Harbinger was still fascinated with the technology, already playing with something, to which you joined him. No doubt he already knew the answer, but it was something to keep his once-overworked mind occupied.
"Guess the two of us aren't cut out for this 'normal life' stuff, eh? Coming back here even though there's nothing left to be discovered. Think the notes we left are still here?"
"That's impossible. They must have long eroded by now," he briefly commented, hands still running over the cool metal.
"So... wanna test if you're still motion-sick?"
—
"Let's teach you how to cook... again!"
Loads of spare time had come with nothing better to do than to attempt to make the impossible become possible once again, which was why you had the Harbinger turned house husband in the kitchen with you, equipped with an apron you forced him to wear if he wanted any sweets.
This time you had decided to forget actual food and make one, singular, cupcake. Surely he couldn't mess that up, right?
You made him clean the kitchen after throwing out the burnt apron.
—
In conclusion, there were still lots of things that could fill the endless time you two were given. But there was still something you wanted, although you weren't sure how to bring it up.
The loss of the segments still remained a wound in your heart, although you moved on from all those years ago. More specifically, Zandy was someone you held extremely dear in your heart and memories. The child had changed your life, and Dottore's too - opening his own heart to softness - which was something you longed for too.
However, naturally, you were nervous asking Zandik about it. After all, becoming a father was probably not something he saw himself doing. Of course, your anxiety was quickly recognized by your lover, who beckoned you one night.
"What plagues your mind?" His question startled you, and although you knew he'd come around to asking eventually, you still weren't prepared to answer properly. But you knew you'd have to come out with it soon.
"There's... something I want."
"Tell me," Zandik quickly reassured you. "I'm sure it is within my capabilities."
"I... I don't know if you'd want to," you awkwardly admitted, to which your husband gave you a hard look, and then moved to squeeze your hand.
"I can only determine that if you tell me what it is you desire." With a sigh, you had to agree.
"I've been thinking... about our... family," the last word was uttered softly, as if you still couldn't believe things reached this point.
"There's you, me, Foxttore, the pufflings, our kitty Beaker, and I guess the crows around here could count too... and I love everyone a lot!" Dottore hummed in agreement, rubbing his fingers over your knuckles.
"But... what if we added someone else to our family? A... c-child, perhaps," you finally blurted out your confession, working up the courage to look at him directly. Speaking of, he had stopped wearing that mask of his now, so you were always subject to his brilliant red eyes. As such, you witnessed the gems widen slightly and his jaw slacken. Quickly you rushed to continue.
"I-I know it'll be a lot of work and responsibility but together we can do it! And I know it probably isn't something you thought of but I'll be here with you all the way... I know you won't let the past repeat itself," you murmured, well aware of how he was treated as a child. Dottore's gaze had moved to the stars, still silent at your words, which was making you worry at this point.
"If-"
"It is not something I am opposed to," Zandik finally admitted, and you had to hold back a sigh of relief.
"Truly?"
"Yes. However..." He trailed off, perhaps wondering how to articulate the fears you already knew full well - how could someone like him ever be a loving father? Did he even have that capability? How could he hold his child with his stained hands?
"I understand," you squeezed his hand. "We'll figure it out together," you promised, "just like how we figured everything else out. How else would we have stayed together for a couple hundred years?" You gently teased him to which he finally looked at you again, an unusually soft look in his eyes.
"We will," Zandik agreed, kissing you on your forehead.
—
Time continued to move, and from a student to Harbinger, Zandik now found himself a parent, who was now cuddled in between him and you - though you were already fast asleep, while his daughter had woken him up in the middle of the night. The fact that Dottore hadn't woken up earlier was a testament to how much he loosened up these past years...
"Go back to sleep. I won't take you out to the forest if you're too tired." The young girl pouted at her father's strictness.
"But it's not my fault! I'm too excited to watch you do your experimenting stuff!" (In reality, all they were doing was collecting samples of plants.) With a sigh, the man stroked her hair.
"Oh! Oh! How about you sing the song they always sing to you when you're grumpy! That always makes you relax!" His daughter seemed to have picked up some of your cheeky, bargaining habits...
"If you do, will you quiet down?" The girl quickly nodded.
"Very well..." And so, he began humming a tune, that was rather off-key despite you teaching it to him quite a few times, but his little girl didn't seem to notice much.
In the dark, you secretly smiled at the sweet interaction. To think after centuries of pain, you finally obtained such a life...
Everything would be okay, in the end.
#smooches talks#dottore love notes <3#fragile reader <3#dottore x reader#post celestia reader and dottore is something i think abt often#i just never spoke abt it much i think#it's literally just them being happy tho ebfrefqe. happy ending for them is canon. but this was very quick and rushed bc i wanted to get it#- out asap since ill be busy again. regardless if you've come this far into my silly ramblings pls stay safe out there <3#divider by cafekitsune
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get to know your moots!
ty for the tag, @ace-turned-confused!
what's the origin of your blog title?: title or username? strang3lov3 is a depeche mode reference. from their song strangelove lol. but my current blog title says "i'll lay you badly, but i'll lay you gladly" and that's just a quote from roman roy that i like lol
OTP(s) + shipname: mmmmm. bob and linda from bob's burgers.
favorite color: light blue
favorite game: most jackbox games, overcooked, tlou, silent hill 2 remake, unpacking, stray,,,,uhhh what else what else. there's this board game called azul that i really love.
song stuck in your head: okay. party up by dmx but the lyrics are changed to "y'all gonna make me shrink my dink up in here up in here" my fuckin brother in law started singing that when my niece and i did some shrinky dinks on saturday night so. so that's what's marinating in this brain of mine. who up shrinkin they dink rn.
weirdest habit/trait?: i crack like, every fuckin' joint in my body all day long. everything, toes, ankles, knees, hips, fingers, thumbs, wrists, back. it's like a visceral need. i feel Not Right if i have not cracked myself.
hobbies: writing, (attempted) gaming, knitting, drawing, watercolor painting, and spending time with my kitty babies ♡
if you work, what's your profession?: i'm a student! gonna be a high school history teacher one of these days.
if you could have any job you wish what would it be?: ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ i think i'd just like to not work, like ever.
something you're good at: i am like...concerningly good at hanging paintings and making things level with just my eyeballs.
something you're bad at: being uncomfortable and tolerating pain.
something you love: the lazy river
something you could talk about for hours off the cuff: the hierarchy of power between cats in a household. the cat who sits at the highest point of the room sees himself as above everyone else and he will take offense at the notion of being groomed. he is the one who grooms others because he is Top Cat.
something you hate: loudness. being sweaty. tomatoes. avocados.
something you collect: tattoos lol. and perfumes! i don't have the largest collection but i really love getting new perfumes. my most recent purchase is hypnotic poison from dior and i looooove it so much it smells like root beer, which is my favorite pop.
something you forget: to take my birth controllllll. lol. i could never take the pill on time so i switched to the ring, and i'm often late to putting a new one in oopsie
what's your love language?: i'm down to clown with all of the love languages tbh. i am a biiiig mushy love slut deep down. real ones know
favorite movie/show: succession, tlou, bobs burgers, what we do in the shadows, it's always sunny.
favorite food: pad thai, paneer butter masala, and then any combination of carbs + cheese. cheese fries, mac and cheese, breadsticks and cheese, whatever. gimme.
favorite animal: cats and raccoons, which are just like, wilderness cats lol. they're troublesome and i love them.
what were you like as a child?: shy but attention seeking. i am a middle child lol
favorite subject at school?: history + art class.
least favorite subject?: chemistry and physics. those can get fucked
what's your best character trait?: my loving heart, my empathy, my endless patience for animals.
what's your worst character trait?: i kinda...kinda run hot sometimes. and i have a hard time with letting go of anger.
if you could change any detail of your day right now what would it be?: i'd make it just a liiiiiiittle warmer out. it's 6F, feels like -5.
if you could travel in time who would you like to meet?: mmm probably not what the question is asking, but i'd like to go back fuck, 8 years ago now and spend some more time talking to a loved one who passed. our last conversation was him telling me that i could call him at anytime and he'd pick me up from an iffy situation, no questions asked. i'd also like to go back in time and meet my parents and grandparents before they had children
recommend one of your favorite fanfics (spread the love!) diner by cuntoid ♡ it's a comfort fic to me
npt @cum-a-calla @fridays13th @bitchesuntitled @guiltyasdave @littlepadika-main
@evolnoomym @prettybpdgirl @fawnjaw @angelsanarchy @amanitacowboy
FULL PRESSURE TAG THIS TAG IS THE EQUIVALENT OF ME SPRAYING YOU WITH A PRESSURE WASHER @beefrobeefcal ♡
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they should make a life where you don't have appointments, work, school and scheduled events every single day for months on end
#i just wanna spend like 2 full days rotting in bed is that too much to ask#december i'm going on a vacation with family + gf and we're trying to schedule a lunch/dinner so that we can go over the itinerery#and other stuff like my gf is diabetic so she's going to tell everyone the procedures in case of an emergency etc#and the soonest i'm available for that is oct 20th like bruh#every week day i've got classes 7:30-11:50 work 13:00-17:00 and then gym therapy or futsal practice at night#oh and sometimes the professor that i'm the student assistant (? monitor in pt) for wants me to go to her night classes#and then on weekends i've got futsal practice sat morning usually a match either saturday or sunday legal advice clinic 4x a semester#and then birthdays friend group meetups (with ppl i haven't properly seen in a WHILE so i don't wanna bail) family stuff or gf's family stu#oh and i take care of the finances of our futsal team so there's that as well#and then when i'm free i spend my time with my love (who i mostly see on either day of the weekend and sometimes for dinner on weekdays)#those are my favorite “appointments” i love spending time with her so much but even though we have quite a few staying in dates we also#pretty frequently go out to cafes restaurants parks meet up with mutual friends etc#so like... no bed rotting ever adfdsal#honestly i am not THAT busy compared to some ppl that i know#like i work from home most days of the week commute only 20 min to college am not a part of any study group etc etc#but man... that vyvense sure is working cause i do not think i would be able to do what i do now when my adhd was unmedicated#also i'm thinking of maybe getting a new internship next year cause even though i love my current one it's in public law which atm#is the field i'm thinking of getting into after school but getting into private law in brazil with only public law uni experience is#incredibly difficult. so i wanna be 100% sure i actually want public law. which means experiencing private law.#which means a private law internship#so i'm wondering how the fuck imma be able to pull that off next year#at least it pays much more than my current one! like probably double!#but honestly even with all the shit that i do and wishing i had more time for myself i've actually been so happy lately#i'm learning more at uni than i used to be able to i do pretty well at my internship i've got wonderful friends both old and new#my family is well and we get along like always i switched positions in futsal and am doing suprisingly good as a goalkeeper#and i'm in my first ever relationship. it's been almost 8 months till we made it official and it blows me away how good it's been#like we haven't faught once. disagreed on a couple things sure. but not a single fight and tbh even disagreements are very rare#idk we communicate and give each other grace and i just feel so loved. she knows me so well. i love her so so so so much.#like man just this saturday we were having an early dinner at a bakery. she stopped what she was saying and just stared at me smiling#and like i couldn't hold eye contact. cause she's so so fucking beautiful and she was looking at me with so much love and i had to look awa
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#just needed to vent for a sec but oh god am i tired of people#'friends' both irl and online got me fucked up lately#mental healths been in the shitter almost nonstop this year#familys always got me up the wall#i just feel like I'm constantly treading water and i am *tired*. like so fucking TIRED#it's never enough; it's too much; no not like that; but not that either; it's all wrong wRoNg WrOnG#ik im sleep deprived and possibly pms-y and that is most certainly not helping things rn but...#gods i see less and less of a reason to get out of bed and bother with anything ever again#wtf is the purpose#i can't keep friends to save my life bc im apparently a fuckin doormat and interesting as unflavored rice or smth#how hard is it to feel like you maybe sorta kinda matter and aren't an unlovable worthless piece of shit#years of therapy; trying meds; everything under the sun.... and nothing. lows and highs and dips of every kind and yet ..nothing#and maybe im just very much in my feelings rn and just yelling into the void.. but it hurts and im tired of pretending it doesn't.#i hate how hard it is to make friends as an adult especially irl. and how gossipy and cliquey and gross and mean ppl can be#of getting called childish and naive and boring for wanting to be a decent person and having interests outside of partying#(not attacking those traits but tired of getting attacked for *not* being 'fun' enough or 'social' enuf or 'sensitive' for having feelings)#enough*#i just want to go eat drywall and stand in the rain and let it help me pretend im not crying blood rn.#like every cell in my body isn't trying to spontaneously combust.#'it gets better' ..yeah? when. when i was 14? when i was 23? when im 37? when im 55? 82? WHEN.. bc im so sick and tired#and no this isn't me writing a final note or whatever it sounds like; i just wanted to word vomit bc ive never been good w sadness#and ive got such an overwhelming amount of it rn i can't even turn it into anger & spite & use that for productivity... i just want to rot#to lie down and be covered by plants as i sleep and just slowly fade into a cloud or smth like it's a ghibli movie or wtv.#im like shaking from how stupidly emotional i feel rn. the lack of empathy these days is fuckin astounding#common sense & empathy are lacking in absolutely droves these days. some days i hate the internet & tech for its irreparable damages sm#but here we are and here it shall remain. long after us; and *long* after us ..... *sigh*#anyway ima go try to take a nap or smth. I'll see ya when i see ya. take care my lovelies#if u read all this i prob owe you a cookie lol
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#Ruining the semi normal sleep schedule I'd managed 2 keep going for like a week cus of paranoia 😎#This is ofcthe one time I'm like Actually fucking sleepy#I shocked myself earlier n am in a spiral about the whole “even a semi small shock can fuck up ur heart hours or days later” thing#Which idk if thats unreasonable paranoia or like normal n smart#The internet is 50/50 on it lol#Mom says im being paranoid. Called a like phone nurse about it who said it'd be smart 2 get it checked just 2 be safe#But it's late and doesn't feel serious enough for the er?#Also the er is hell. U just sit there for Hours waiting n then get looked at for 5 minutes told n2 wait even more n then told 2 just go hom#So I am just kinda... existing.. until stuff opens n I can hopefully see a doctor about it or something:)#And cus I was already feeling kinda sick Before the shock I can't be sure if I actually have any symptoms of something worrying#AAAAND my anxiety about the whole thing is making me over analyze every heartbeat or muscle twitch#N tricking my brain into believing shit that's not real#I wanna nap so bad but my brain won't let meee#Ok ramble is done... I just needed 2 get this out of my system somewhere...#Can u believe I use 2 think I didn't have anxiety?? I was all Oh yeah I'm Super chill 😎 while sirens played in my head 24/7#rambles
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Maybe I'm projecting and being hopeful but I mentioned to M that I don't even get to shit by myself in peace lmao and I feel like something clicked for him. Bc I was like hey, at least you get private bathroom breaks at work (noncombative). And since then he's been a lot more acquiescent when I ask if I can nap and stuff
#he's never rly said no he just used to be like 'well whaf if i want to nap' like in the early parenting days#which evolved into 'yeah i guess'-type responses#lately he's more like 'yeah!' like his tone is less. whatever it was before#same with any requests i make in general like if he'll put e down for bed and stuff#idk my weird episode epiphany thing i went through last week has me feeling much less patient and self-questioning#it's just a fact that constantly asking myself if i'm being considerate enough of others has done nothing for me#like it hasn't even improved my relationships.. i don't really have any lol#like i'm done biting my tongue bc idk if i've properly considered their perspective.. i end up blowing up at minor things as a result anyway#like it makes me a worse partner fr#i also really feel like i've been putting daggers thru my own spirit by doing this for so long#like i need to stop troubleshooting my existence like 'what if i conform this way' 'what if i conform that way'#here's what if: you will be profoundly unhappy and no one who you love will truly know you#this is such a tangent off what i started talking about but basically i'm done reflexively wondering#every time i feel wronged disrespected etc. if actually i'm the one in the wrong. it really is reflexive#the way m's mom responded to me setting a boundary was a wake up call like apparently she just read into what i was saying too much#so hypothetically it wasn't the boundary she was angry about but how she thought i set it#but like i don't have any time for you if my extremely sincere and straightforward communication isn't good enough for you#like i'm not going to be understanding of your inability to take me at face value we didn't both fuck up. You did#and that's how i'm going to act. like You fucked up. yk
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The whole "if a person is mad at you it's their responsibility to tell you" thing just made me realize how fucked my situation is. Like just. woah
#who wants to hesr the story of how I lost my irl friends recently (you will I'm spitting everything right now)#anyway so last year one day one of my friends decided to randomly backstab me and she started talking behind my back#and yeah this all made me mad because?? what the fuck#she started talking and revealing stuff that i had confide to her to other people and they slowly started drifting from me#BUt the thing here is that she was manipulating the story. she changed it every time she told stuff to people to make me look bad#i heard one of the things she said about me once and i was like ?? she even make me dislike me in her version which like woa#anyway I didn't understand why she did that because it was ? so random? and then she started ignoring me and has not talked to me ever since#the thing is. she apparently didn't have enough with just doing that. she slowly started to rot my other friends' brains too?#in the sense that. suddenly the rest of my group was ignoring me too. they never said anything to me. or stated that they had a problem#they just ignored me in my face? and yeah that. hurt#recently i found thanks to a third party that one of them decided to stop talking to me because apparently i had hurt her uncountable times#and she was just soo sick and tired of me doing that. which. honestly made me mad because she did not ever express that to me?? so#what was i supposed to do. if she never said anything.#anyway one of my friends confronted her about the treatment they were giving to me. the whole exclusion thing. and her answer was-#”well it's not my fault that she doesn't have more friends and doesn't talk to people”#and i was like. woah. what a poor reply. is that really it.. also apparently they all had agree to stop talking to me as a group-#-and they never informed me so. thank you?#and I'm still here asking what i did to that ex friend of mine. later on i found out she had hooked up with the guy i used to like btw#and she kept it secret. oh and then i started dating my current partner ! person she also felt attracted to. and that's my only explanation.#she started gossiping after what happened with the first guy. so that's really everything that comes to mind as a reason#ANYWAY now that i was at the hospital i didn't receive a single text from any of them. so i guess that was it. people who don't care-#-like that are not friends. those people are not my friends. people who ignore me on purpose and gossip like that are not. my friends#so yeah that's why I've been feeling down lately but ! here I am i ended up ranting so. much#rant#vent#?#woah i actually feel so much better after spitting it all#I'm also following that sour grape advice btw I'm not giving them the privilege of cutting me out. I'M the one who dislikes them now
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the longer i sit with it the more it really gets me how nobody ever really mentions obito and rin before obito's reveal in shippuden. kakashi vaguely mentions his old friends and i think other characters allude to the tragedy of kakashi's past but rin and obito themselves are lost to time. something about that is so fucking haunting and so gutting. you would think it would be a pretty big deal that two kids from the same class died within a year of each other, but the nine tails attack probably wiped so much clean that nobody could really carry the grief... still, when we see their class in flashbacks, we recognise almost everyone else, so... there's something really sad and hopeless about their absence...
there's a lot a LOT to say about it from a lot of different angles and i don't really feel like going into meta posting territory i just have big feelings about it you know? and to me i guess obito encapsulates a lot of the anger. for the people who get left behind and forgotten. and that can mean a lot of things
#two of my classmates died on separate occassions in short span of time in high school and i wont claim that grief because#i didnt know either of them well but i did feel a lot of anger and overwhelming hopelessness. that life keeps relentlessly going on#even when people get left behind#it feels so unfair and so painful... there are so many more aspects to it though as well#like people who are left behind in other ways due to circumstance or class or race or etc etc- often a combination of those factors#and obito as a kid reminds me a lot of a good friend i had when i was little who was late to class every day#because of those outside circumstances#and again someone in high school who i was late WITH every day. because ya#and i feel very big about that. and about rins death as something so fucking preventable#the tragedy also of baby teacher minato who was so so not ready to be in charge of anyone. but. that's something else#anyway i guess i just really feel a connection with that anger and despair#sorru was watching niji and felt fucking insane about it#obito and rin are like two sides of one thing. maybe of one person. of one concept#part of why i'm so so crazy about obito being trans is because i see him as also using rin's memory as a conduit for#his anger and grief about his own lost younger self. hence: baby obito is also a little girl#i think they are best friends. its so important. idk none of this is wider narrative meta#its just my feelings about them in particular#haunting dead girl and the ghost who has to carry on and can't rest
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#just a heads up if it seems like I'm blogging and normal: I am not#have genuinely been struggling between planning either... suicide. or to run away from everything#idk all I can even say is I'm just capital t Trying. right now. for anything#so I'm distracting myself somewhat with stuff like finishing fgo stories and whatever#All I want is to be treated with a little dignity.#and I feel like lately nobody does or people just assume the worst of me and then blame me for it#or infantilize me or act like I'm some fucking animal to be observed and trained#this is on top of the amount of stress I'm going thru at work being the person who comes in clutch while Everybody calls out sick#so yeah I have been contemplating ending it all lately because I can't fix myself and I kind of don't want to#regular posting may return idk#we'll just have to see how this next week goes#I just ask people to not take out their frustration on me I am already dealing with everybody I ever known taking it out on me right now#and treating me badly and blaming things on me because they know I can 'handle it'#so I'm struggling between 'it's really me that's irrevocably bad everyone else is right' and 'everyone is taking their depression out on me'#and I just. can't. take it. anymore.#and I don't have the energy to defend myself because every day someone asks me to take responsibility for some nonsense or try to mediate#and i don't have time for my own feelings right now so I'm just driven to try and hurt myself#and I couldn't even talk about this for a week. I would hear myself or another alter telling me to shut the fuck up and stop being dramatic#I couldn't process anything#I couldn't physically or mentally even conceptualize telling anyone anything because it all just seemed so stupid to me#and it kind of is?#but I don't really know what to do about it.#so here I am. Still here for now. I don't know. I don't feel like anyone can actually help me. I'm well aware that nobody Can help me#so rose is forced to be alone once again while whatever this is passes or changes shape. idk#long tags //////92829
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really sucks when you can't enjoy things you like bc doing them makes you feel guilty and like you're a piece of shit
#personal#going through it again#it happens every so often like once every few weeks#maybe months if i'm being optimistic#just feeling. like i know i'm avoiding the stuff i like bc i feel like i should be doing other things#like fucking getting my documents that i still need to go find a job#so i can have money to help at home#instead of just sitting here all day on my laptop#but i can't do that bc im stressed about it#i know most of my family doesn't mind i help around the house still when i'm actually feeling decent but still#can't help but be stressed#also the anxiety but that's like#a constant in my life. that's just how it is#so i just move around it#at least i can still enjoy reading#i enjoy reading so so much#and i'm really looking forward to having my friends over for my bday next saturday (not this one)#should help me deal with all this stuff#really need more contact with people#bc i haven't seen them in like a month at least#been staying up until like 4am lately bc i'm just#reading lol#been really into momlet content with a side of monster clover :3
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I am getting so fed up with myself I just can't get myself to do anything
#like this is always a problem for me but it has been so bad lately#fear I need to be medicated but in typical me fashion I procrastinated calling the clinic I'm trying to go to for like 6 months#only got around to doing it like a month ago and they seem to have extremely long waitlist so I don't even know#if I'll be able to get an appointment before the summer#and if I don't I feel like I'll be completely fucked because my intention is to start studying fr in the autumn#and I want to try medication before then in the quite likely case that it won't work and will make me feel terrible#so that I don't have to deal with all that while starting studying#I just want to have things sorted by then but ofc that won't happen because I'm fucking useless and can't do anything#and the mental health care system in this region is so deeply fucking broken#and noting ever works out easily when it comes to me and medications#this has been a four year long journey and nothing has worked so far#also fear that when I made the application I didn't make my issues sound bad enough and they put me like last in the list#I mean I did say I was a student which sometimes makes you a priority but idek#anyways all this to say it's 17.30 and I've done nothing productive or enjoyable all day I've just been like buffering#and I've been like this nearly every day for the last several weeks and it's making me feel like a fucking waste of space#in general things are just Not Good right now#I've been sick for an entire month and I still feel like shit and I'm just so tired of everything#personal#and my fucking teeth hurt again GOD
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mkay i wrote two more good chunks (bringing us up to exactly 4k fucking words...........) of byan's bio but i'm just starting to touch on the actual lowest, darkest point of their life and it's not really helping the already shit place i'm in mentally, so. think i'm done for the night lmao
#sometimes writing byan's darker moments is kinda cathartic in a way#but uh. definitely gotta be in the write headspace for it and hoo boy am i ever not tonight#the 'nothing matters' and 'no one cares' of it all hit a little too close to home tonight#and considering the next big event is uh. mm. an Attempt. if you get me. i'm gonna just. yeah. save that for another day.#gonna practice some gentle self care for the rest of the night i think. be happy that i did some writing#even if it wasn't as much as i wanted#sorry for all the ooc lately yall... shit's just fucked and i don't wanna disappear off the face of the earth just bc#writing's a little hard again ajkhjfds#ouggghhhh i wish my mental health wasn't so fucking up and down#i wish i could expend a little more energy for a day or two without it ruining me for the rest of the week#i wish. that simple things were easy to deal with.#and i wish that every little noise that i don't make myself wasn't so jarring.#idk. i need to stop typing lmao. love y'all ♡#━━ ˟ ⊰ ✰ ooc ⋮ don't @ me.#suicidal ideation cw#just to like. be safe. idk. i feel weird not tagging this sort of shit.
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it's so funny i can have a relatively good week and be in a good mood but then i start thinking about food too hard and i'm like well time to end it all
#literally all i had for dinner was a fucking salad but bc that salad had avocado and cheese on it i think i'm the worst person in the world#and i've been drinking my coffee with milk lately which is a clear sign of lack of discipline!!!!!!!!!!!#i'm just going to gain back the (redacted) lbs i lost!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!#how do i stop this how do i stop food controlling my every thought i genuinely don't know :(#i don't post these kind of things to make people feel sorry for me i just don't want to traumadump on friends and like#i genuinely don't know how to fix this???? i mean#i'm still slightly chubby i could genuinely lose more weight#and i think maybe the reason why i get so freaked out about food is cuz i know i'm not doing enough#but what should i do????????? cuz most people can just. diet and exercise and live normally right?#they don't get scared and beat themselves up for days on end for eating ice cream in the summer right????#i just feel alone but also i know that i HAVE to face this alone#and i HAVE to work on this on my own it's no one else's responsibility but mine#but i genuinely have no idea what to do lmao
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#hhhh#another stupid. vent post#been a while but mostly I've just been too tired to write it down#is there like. A fun quirky way to say i wanna kill myself still#....no probably not#anyway. i do.#im... im still in that day program thing#partial hospitalization. It's a good program. Lots of classes and very judgement free#sadly i cannot help but feel I'm. doomed to failure#because i need so much higher a level of care than this#i. frankly i should be put in a nursing home#that's probably the level I'm at#it all hurts. so much. everything does. my body my mind trying to think trying to talk trying to type#everything hurts either physically or mentally#I'm tired and exhausted all the time#I can barely move some days#I'm a massive financial burden on the people who love me#and i can't really do anything but play videogames to distract myself and then vent endlessly to people who reach out#....if you see this and reach out#i apologize if i don't end up replying#I'm overwhelmed lately#i just can't keep up#and can't help being lonely as fuck despite that#....but i do read it all#every message i get i read. and i cherish. And i forget because of my adhd but when i read it#i feel good for a minute#......so.....#..if you've reached out before...thank you#...if you plan to now.... I'm about to sleep so i may not reply but#....thank you
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