#and it doesn't matter if it's siblings or not when the tension doesn't break~

[sinvulkt]

As someone who detest shipping and prefer tension / platonic above all, my reactions tend to be the exact reverse XD

Like "please keep the tension without breaking it, keep that good tension whole, don't waste it all into romance, and hopefully some people will still write fics with that tension without making it a ship—"

I am rather desperate in certain fandom XD Gen has grown but can still be hard to find in some places.

Whenever a character says- "We were best friends- no, we were more than that..."

My head pops up like a meerkat like "is something queer afoot? Pls 🙏"

But at the same time I'm bracing for the-

"We were like brothers/sisters/siblings"

[gotham-daydreams]

Not Now (PT. 2)

[Platonic! Yandere! Neglectful Batfam × Gender Neutral! Sibling Reader]

[Warnings: Mentions of Neglect, Mild General Yandere(ish) Behavior, Arguing, Awkward Tension(?), No One is Having a Good Time, Angst, Implied Past Injuries (To Reader)]

(When I say arguing I do mean it this time. Might be a bit more OOC? Dick is living up to his nickname. This is longer than the first part, just fyi - and by a good 4k or so words. Again, take your time and remember to take breaks!)

Didn't tag anyone on this post since both this part and the first are posted back to back :] Regardless, enjoy!

Chapter 1. Chapter 2. Chapter 3 (PT. 1). [Series Masterlist]

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"I… I just don't think it's a good idea. It doesn't feel right, and- and I…" You couldn't think of much else to say. All the reasons you had felt too personal, and you didn't feel comfortable telling Dick any of them. Not out here, and certainly not while he was in the suit. Though even if he wasn't, you weren't sure that it'd make you any more willing to tell him anything. 

After all, you wouldn't even share the date of your birthday if he asked now, with or without the suit.

"Yeah, but why? It doesn't make sense to not go to either place just because you have a ‘bad feeling’ or anything. Even then, you'll be safe, and that's what really matters." That didn't feel like it was the case. Your safety doesn't feel like a priority over him just being able to keep an eye on you, and being able to pull anything he wants to without any prying eyes.

Though it was with that thought, did you wonder when you began to see Dick as someone so untrustworthy that you considered him to be on the same level as a thug out on the streets. Just far more dangerous and capable.

"Look, I just-" You sigh harshly, looking back at Dick as the fire in your chest rose, building up as it poked at your ribs and flesh. Begging for more air, more room to grow. "I'm going to the park. If you're not coming then that's fine by me, and if you're not okay with that, then there's nothing I can do about it." You state, looking forward as you pick up your pace. 

Dick fumbles over his words before he hurriedly matches your pace, "Wait! Let's try and think this over-"

"Why? Even if we're out in the open, you're still a vigilante. If you can defend and look after an entire city, then surely you can protect one person, right? Not to mention that I can take care of myself." You huff, still keeping your eyes forward even as they narrow. You add, "Besides, again- not many people are out tonight. And if anything- seem to be rushing home, because of whatever is going on. We'll be fine."

"Sure. Yeah. I can handle it- but wouldn't it be smarter to just be inside anyway? That way it's less likely for anything to happen. You have to think rationally-" You swiftly cut Dick off again, really trying to put your foot down and stand your ground here.

"I am thinking rationally. You're a skilled vigilante that's been trained under Batman, and have only improved in skill and technique over the years. If anything goes wrong, and I can't handle it, you can. Not to mention that you have a way to contact the others if things really do go sideways, and you're in the suit. I didn't think I needed to say anything else." You sigh, lightly scratching the cup in your hands with your nail.

"Also, if you haven't noticed, even criminals and thugs are running home. It's like some kind of quarantine or lock down is going on. Some random person eavesdropping on us doesn't seem like it'll be a problem. Let alone with all of the noises that seem to be 'persuading' people to go home."

Dick could only sigh himself before saying, "Alright- okay. Fine. But like you said, I'm still in the suit."

"And?"

"And someone could see, and think that you're a close tie to me or something. You could be put in more danger."

"Are you actually worried about that now? You've been walking beside me this entire time when you didn't have to, and it's only now that you're worried about me being seen with you in the suit?"

"How else are we supposed to have this conversation? And I'm sorry for being worried about your safety, and well-being in the future for being seen with me." You could practically hear the eye-roll in Dick's voice despite knowing that he didn't actually do it. When did he get so sarcastic?

"That's not the issue, and you know that. We could've figured out some other way to have this talk, and you didn't have to walk beside me this entire time." You shot him a glance, causing Dick to sigh again.

"What if something happened while I was up top, and I couldn't react fast enough because I wasn't next to you? Someone could've tried something if I wasn't there, especially because you'd appear to be by yourself."

"So… remind me again, who's the paranoid one?"

"Y/n, I'm being serious." Dick states.

"I know. I'm being serious too, and I'm just saying that it's kind of ridiculous to be worrying about that now when it's already been a few minutes." You huff, "And I don't know what you expect me to do about it. I'm not the one in the suit, y'know. Why don't you just go and change somewhere?"

Dick rubs his nose bridge, getting annoyed but not trying to show it as he says, "Fine. I can do that, but at least come with me." He looks at you expectantly as his hand drops from his face. You couldn't help but raise a brow at his words.

"Why?"

"So that I can keep an eye on you…? And if anything happens while I'm changing- I'll be able to jump in and help much faster?" Dick said, confused. Talking as if he was stating the obvious, and maybe he was in a way, but you didn't see why he's so adamant about being close to you enough where he could easily protect you or reach you if needed.

"But wouldn't that kind of go against the point of you changing…?"

"What do you mean?"

"If I wait somewhere and Nightwing walks off, only for you-know-who to pop up after a little while, and we walk off together, wouldn't that be weird? Or at least hint at a certain something?" You point out, a little confused and surprised that you even had to explain this to Dick.

"C'mon, I won't be that obvious. And even then, no one will be able to figure it out."

"You say that like every other villain or wannabe in Gotham isn't some genius or anything. They're criminals and all that, but they aren't entirely stupid."

Dick sighs, though it came out more frustrated than he would’ve liked as he ran a hand through his hair once again, "Still, I'd just like for you to at least be close by. I don't want anything to happen to you, and I want to be able to help out as soon and as quickly as I can if anything does." He explains, getting a little closer to you.

"Please, Y/n. Just come with me."

You shake your head, your shoulders feeling far too heavy, and the flame in your chest was much too hot for you to even think about it. You knew Dick wasn't happy about it when he gave you a little room, but still kept close. As if hoping you'd change your mind, despite already knowing the answer.

"I'll just head to the park, and wait a few minutes. I'm not defenseless and can handle myself for a while, and it's not my fault that I could be in more potential danger because someone thought it was a good idea to come see me, and follow me around while in their suit. You can figure it out, and live without me for a few minutes." You huff harshly, adding, "If you aren't there after that time? I'm leaving. That's all." Once again, you pick up your pace, only to be stopped by Dick as he rushes in front of you.

"Wait- hold on. Are you sure about this? I don't think it's a good idea- and how long exactly will you be waiting? Where are you going if you leave? Are you going back to the apartment? Are you going home?" You don't like how hopeful Dick looked when he asked you that last question, but you push your discomfort to the side, and stand your ground.

"I'm an adult, and I'm a L/n. I'm sure about this. You can think whatever you want, and like I said- I'll be waiting a few minutes. If you're not there by then, I'm going to leave." You narrow your eyes at Dick, piercing him with your gaze as you said, "I've made my choice and I'm sticking to it. If you're not happy about it, or don't agree, then you can leave and I'll go on with my night. I'll wait at the park, and that's that." You state one final time before making your way around Dick, and continuing to walk forward. Luckily, he didn't try to stop you again, and if anything — seemed to stop following you entirely.

All you heard was a low scoff from behind you, and the rush of wind.

When you glance back, Dick was gone, and it was only then did you realize how heavy the air felt. Releasing the breath you didn't know you had been holding, you clutch your chest. Your heart aches, and yet you manage to push on.

Tonight wasn't exactly going well for you, but that almost tipped you over the edge.

You were beginning to hate many things about tonight, along with Dick. It almost made you think that maybe you were lucky back when he hardly ever noticed or talked to you. It made things easier, after all, and of course now that you've had your longest conversation with him — things were only getting harder.

Every word he said made him seem bigger, or pushed you down as an attempt to make you smaller. His reasoning could go from making complete sense, to being outright idiotic and paranoid. With each action of his being either too small or way too much. 

Dick, in that way, was too much.

You could chalk up some of your discomfort and nervousness to your lack of experience with Dick, and being around him. Of course some of his antics and habits would seem strange to you — since you were never able to see much of them, and those that you did notice were from a far, and never up close. You weren't able to experience them yourself, not until now. Though that almost made you grateful for all the times he turned you down or ignored you, seeing as now you could only see how much of a handful he is to deal with. 

Maybe that could've changed if you were more familiar with him, but it was too late for that now. Even if you did wonder how this whole thing would've gone if you did know him. If you were more familiar with how Dick acted, and had actually managed to spend time with him. If Dick was more familiar with you, and how that'd change this whole situation… but, again, it was much too late for that. If he really wanted to know you, he would've taken one of the chances you gave him over the years, and yet he didn't. No one did. No one except for Alfred…

You hope he's okay, at least.

Shaking your head, you push your thoughts to the side. There was no use thinking about 'what if's, not when such thoughts and possibilities kept you in the manor for so long. Not when your mind used them against you, and had you keep that pathetic hope you once desperately clung onto. You promised yourself you wouldn't do that anymore, and so you took a breath, and tried to stop them from coming in. They always slip by, but you try to ignore them. Especially since they caused you so much trouble that could have easily been avoided in the past.

You took a small sip of your coffee, only to pull it away and look at the cup strangely. 

It was… bitter. More so than you remember, and it immediately struck you as odd. Since, Jessica always managed to make your coffee the exact same way every time, and even if she did make some mistakes here and there, the change was never this significant or noticeable. Not like it was now, with the taste lingering on your tongue, almost trying to further stain your taste buds and remain there for as long as possible. As if trying to permanently ingrain itself in your mouth.

You couldn't help but cringe a bit. Maybe getting coffee really was a bad idea after all…

Sighing, you just continue on and brush the weird occurrence to the side. Whatever, you have enough things to deal with and worry about now. There wasn't much you could do about the coffee, and if anything, maybe that just went to further show how horrible your night is going thanks to Dick. 

Though, you wouldn't push it that far, even if your opinion of him was definitely souring by the minute, but the thought was pretty funny to think about, at least.

The night felt calm for once, and it’s only now, with you by yourself, do you realize how much you needed this.

Sure, Gotham was potentially going to hell, and you might see Dick again in a few minutes, but you don't have to worry about that right now. Just here, in the streets, did you have… normal problems. Problems unrelated to a family you no longer wanted to involve yourself with, that also just so happened to be made up of vigilantes. Problems that didn't involve your musical career, and how your rise to fame was becoming both an inconvenience, and a bit of an issue. Problems that… just about everyone has dealt with one way or another.

Your coffee didn't taste quite right, you felt exhausted despite having only walked a bit, and your social battery was just about to hit its limit. The air was just a tad too cold for the clothes you were wearing, you had a strong desire to crawl into bed and sleep like you had nothing else to worry about, and really — besides yourself and making a few dumb mistakes, the only thing you really had to worry about here was getting mugged. Maybe even jumped, at a push.

Yet, such things got a light, airy laugh out of you. You felt so at ease by yourself, and during the most dangerous hours of the night, no less. Despite everything, you couldn't help but find a bit of humor in it, and such a little thing even made you feel better. That uncomfortable heat in your chest dying down, and almost going away entirely as you cooled off.

As funny as it was, you felt safer and so much more at ease without the person that was so adamant about wanting to do all of these things, to protect you. How could you not laugh at the irony?

Suddenly, the bitter taste on your tongue didn't feel so bad anymore.

Walking along Gotham streets when it was so quiet still made you feel a bit uneasy, but for the time being you were able to find some small peace with it. After all, who knew when you'd get another breather like this? Especially with whatever business Dick had with you. Vigilante and hero work wasn't exactly known to be light and easy, after all. 

So, you took this moment as it is. Finding odd little details in the night that helped you relax as much as you could before things continued.

Honestly, you didn't think you were ready for whatever Dick was about to talk about or mention, but you doubt any of it could surprise you. After all, in a city where a villain breaking out of the local prison or asylum every now and again during the week was normal, it was hard to be surprised by things related to such occurrences. Since, it even felt like someone was trying to blow up the place at least twice a month, and robberies were so common that it was a wonder that anyone had any fortune left to protect at all.

Though it did still make you curious about what’s going on. 

Obviously, it couldn't be any good, but it just seems too… quiet to be anyone that Gotham had already seen before. Seeing as the usual villains and whatnot always made some kind of mess, or made things as extravagant and entertaining as possible. Almost like a certain clown that loved to try and run circles around a certain bat.

Regardless of that, however, you were still more curious about why Dick — or any of the others, really — had bothered to seek you out at all. Sure, the first thing that came to mind was that they need you for something, rather that be for help or something else entirely, but that's only because it made the most sense to you. Why else would they try to find out where you live? You couldn't think of another reason. Though, again, maybe that was because they had ignored you for so long? Even then, you can't think of anything else. 

Besides help and such, nothing else made any logical sense to you. There is no other reason. There couldn't be, and if there is — you couldn't think of it. They couldn't just be here for you. They almost weren't capable of it. You're sure, since they have made it very clear a long time ago. You were just too naive and blind to see it at first, but now you did, and you don't plan on becoming blind to that again…

Nevertheless, you continue on your little path.

Now that Dick wasn't with you, your journey to the park was short, and much more peaceful and quiet. It was almost calm in an odd way, but you appreciated it all the same.

The park held that strange feeling of abandonment and emptiness that most of Gotham seemed to have tonight — thanks to whatever was going on — but you manage to ignore it for the most part. Making your way around the park, your pace was slower and your breath was a bit heavier. You felt like you were prolonging the inevitable, and such a feeling spawned so much dread that you almost choked on it. However, you manage, and instead try to find a good place to sit and wait for the time being.

Sure, it would be easy to leave and just go on with your night, but you did want to stay true to your word even if only a little. It's the least you could do, since this would be the last thing you'd ever do for any of them, anyway. 

Besides, you were better than them in that way — following through with what you said, instead of saying a ‘maybe’ that'll never come, or a ‘next time’ that'll never arrive. Always stuck to a tomorrow that was always just out of reach.

Your words held meaning, unlike theirs.

Moving on, you eventually found a good spot. It was closer to the center of the park, and the moon could be seen as clearly as it could be with all of the clouds passing by, and building up. The air had an odd moist and damp feeling to it, and it made you think that it might rain after all, seeing as you remember hearing something about it earlier in the day. Yet, that just gave you all the more reason to hope that this whole thing would be wrapped up soon. Though whether that happened with Dick not showing up, or him making good time and keeping things short and simple, you didn't care.

Even if you did hope that he just wouldn't show. For both his sake, and your own.

Settling down on a park bench off to the side of the path, you took a big breath, before letting it all out. You still don't have a good feeling about this, but you'd take all the little victories you could. Since, you managed to avoid going to the manor and clock tower by some miracle, and even got Dick to leave you alone for a little while. Even if a small part of yourself did wish that you had pissed him off enough for him to leave you alone, you wouldn't count on it. He seemed oddly stubborn about sticking around, or to at least keep you around him, and though it made you feel uncomfortable, it unfortunately meant that there was a chance that he'd actually show up again.

You'd pray if you had any faith left, but you don't. Not at the moment, and certainly not with that possibility hanging over your head, just waiting to drop and crush you under its weight. Though for now, you'd try to not think about it as you look around, taking in the dark scenery instead.

The darkness of the night shaded over the park in an ominous, beautiful way. With the trees looming over you, and their leaves providing more shade than necessary. As if trying to protect you from the moon's stare as much as they could. The clouds slowly crawled over the sky, waiting for the perfect opportunity to drop all they were carrying — and leave the burden for Gotham to hold. They covered what could be made out of the blank, pitch black void that was the night sky, with the moon trying its hardest to shine through. To take a glimpse of the chaos below, and judge you in its silence.

A loose breeze drifts by, causing you to shiver thanks to its added chill over the night's natural coolness. The sounds of nature were hardly audible, as if even the insects have been silenced by whatever is going on, and the only thing you could hear was that constant, sickening snapping and cracking of broken bones, and that popping from joints getting dislocated. Even if such noises were much fainter now, thanks to the spot you've chosen, they still managed to reach you here, and dominate all other noises that tried to make themselves known, with its echo.

You could only sympathize with their desperation to be heard, to be noticed — only for the violence to cover all of their efforts. Maybe you'd even pity them, but you already felt foolish over your emotions, and feeling sympathy over noises was silly enough. You have already made enough humorous and dumb choices tonight, so you'd at least try to not make another. Even if you bothering to actually wait here, instead of leaving right away, is dumb enough.

You don't know if it was hilarious or sad how many stupid choices you’re making in one night, and all because of the people you are trying to leave behind. People you were so sure would never bother to look for you or even give you a single thought, and yet here you are now. Waiting for one of them to show up – only because suddenly he couldn't leave you alone. Almost like he couldn't afford to, and now you couldn't help but debate over the humor and sadness of that.

Of course it had to be now, it had to be tonight, that one of them showed up - but you don't know what exactly you're expecting. After all, if one of them were to try and show their face to you despite everything, it would be at the worst time possible. It felt fitting in an odd way, so maybe it was only right that things went down like this. That life throw one of the biggest ‘fuck you's it could at you, during a time where you are trying to recover. To heal. To get better.

Of course he just had to show his face when you were done with him — with them, and their whole family. It had to be now, when you're trying to move on, did an effort have to be made. It couldn't be while you were in the manor - when you were trying to do the same.

… Maybe you should've let him bust open the door to your apartment after all, and just ran away while you still had the chance. 

Yet, as if knowing you were thinking of walking away while he still wasn't around, Dick finally appeared and made himself known with a little whistle.

You turn your head and face him, his appearance almost making you laugh, but you didn't have it in you to do so. Much too exhausted and fatigued to even try, and your feelings were too mixed up to even consider the thought. Though you did have to admit, he did look a little funny.

Dick almost looked out of breath, but he still manages a smile when you turn to look at him. The clothes he wore looked strangely baggy, and you could've sworn that you saw the smallest glimpses of various price tags that were tucked away sloppily. Which made it look like he really was in a rush, and… well, you didn't know how to feel about that. Yet, in that same moment, you caught the tiniest bit of his suit right under the shirt he wore. Further ‘hinting’ at the fact that Dick had been in such a hurry that he didn't actually bother to change, and instead opted to cover up his suit.

His mask was off, at least, and for a moment you wondered where he put it until you noticed him subtly stuffing something in his pocket. Which is funny as it is concerning.

Dick wore an oversized coat that he left open, with a collar shirt underneath that had two of the buttons unbuttoned, along with sweatpants and shoes that didn't quite look his size. All in all, he looked like a mess, but Wayne's look good in everything for a reason, you suppose.

“Made it just in time! I told you I would, didn't I?” Dick chuckles, still holding onto the coffee you had given him earlier with one hand. The smile on his face quickly grew into a playful smirk, and you didn't know if you should find it weird or oddly scary how much closer he seems to be to the side of him you've only seen at a distance before. The side you have seen at galas or with his family, occasionally. A side you didn't have any personal experience with until now, and the dread you felt from before only grew at that.

“Um, no, you didn't-” You try to point out, only for him to cut you off.

“Well, it probably just slipped my mind, but I'm here now!” He muses, and you can’t help but find his tone off putting considering how things ended off a few minutes ago. He both looks and sounds way too happy for someone who was so annoyed with you before. 

“I didn't keep you waiting, did I?” Dick steps closer, making his way over to you casually. Not a single trace of his previous demeanor could be found.

You can't help but move a little further away, and bite your tongue. You hoped he would've, that he did, but unfortunately he did make good time. Since, from the moment you sat down, Dick appeared only a minute after, and had it not been for his messy outfit, you would've thought that he had planned this whole thing out — down to the very last second.

“No…” You drag on, looking away once again, trying to hide the disappointment in your voice.

Yet, despite the implications of it, Dick couldn't help but find it… cute, in an odd way. Causing him to exhale softly, his smirk dying back down into a smile. Blue hues shining as they look down at you.

He moves to sit down on the bench — noticing a spot next to you, but deciding to sit beside you instead. Still remaining close, but not getting in your space entirely, since he felt like you both weren't at that point just yet. There was an armrest between the both of you, and he felt as if that'd be enough for now. Even if he did want to move closer, he decides that this was the least he could do for having been ignoring your discomfort and clear nervousness thus far. 

While he still couldn’t fully bring himself to acknowledge or accept it — since he still doesn't want to think about it — he at least wants to try and do this small thing for you.

Though, the space between you and him would never be big enough for you to be comfortable. Since just knowing he was around, and that you were in his space, already made you feel a certain way, but he didn't have to know that. Not that you would tell him, anyway.

Dick took this little opportunity to take a slow, long sip of his coffee. The drink not quite to his liking, but he wouldn't complain since you seem to like that little diner, and the last thing he wants is for your opinion of him to get worse, so he kept his mouth shut. Besides, it wasn't even that bad anyway, especially knowing that it came from a place that you enjoy going to.

Silence was quick to fall over the both of you again. Yet, this time, Dick didn't exactly have a problem with it.

Even if you weren't looking at him, he could still see that little twinkle in your eyes that the faint bits of moonlight were able to show and make clear. How your hair matched you just right, and the way you did it and took care of it completed your look even more. Along with how even the little things on your person said so much, yet so little, about who you are now. About who you have become after all this time. 

A sense of endearment and sentimentality suddenly washes over Dick, and he can't help but feel as if it were just yesterday that you were introduced to the whole family. Though he still couldn't quite describe the look in your eyes then, as there was an unmistakable hint of excitement and unfounded joy that lingered when you first met them all. When you first met him. 

You were such a little thing back then, and you have grown so much since. Dick still can't help but think about it even as he finally pulls the cup away from his lips, and sighs, content.

You were so small, and little. Your face round and youthful, hands soft and delicate - just like everything about you at the time. The world and the people in it were still so new to you, and you looked just about ready to explore it all. To see every little thing you could, and learn about everything that you found. ‘Wonder’ was the first word he thought of when he saw you that day, and looked at your expression. It was full of that child wonderment. 

Yet… look at you now. Grown, and significantly taller than you were before. Face matured and settled, but still did have a youthful look to it. He notes how your hands did seem to be a bit rougher, and instead of delicacy, he found a gentleness that was always there — but is more prominent now. That look of wonder gone, and now replaced with something more. Something complicated and complex in nature, and yet simple all the same. There's a sense of turmoil but… he couldn't look much deeper than that. He can't bring himself to.

Point is, you have clearly changed. 

Sure, he noted how you looked different and everything before, but now that same conclusion felt different in a strange way. Though maybe that was because he wasn't only looking at you now, but seeing you as well.

Dick doesn't just see the change in your clothes, and how your voice has changed its tempo and volume, but some other things as well. Maybe that's because he's able to connect some things he's learned about you over the course of the entire day, back to you and how you showed yourself now. How those details presented themselves in your appearance and mannerisms.

It’s a lot to take in, sure, but in this moment of silence - Dick found himself slowly absorbing all of this information, taking it all in and finding ways to love you through it. Even if the changes made a particular fact all the more clear — despite the time he has missed, he did genuinely love the person you have become. He does now, at least. 

Despite everything he has done to you, or lack thereof, you have managed so much on your own. Despite him and the family not being around when they could've, when they should've, you managed to pave your own path and face all the challenges it brought by yourself - from what Dick could tell anyway. Even if he wasn't fully aware of all you have gone through in his absence, and he knew that as well – you’re still here. You're sitting beside him, looking at the scenery of the park, coffee cup in hand, and just… living in this moment with him.

Dick didn't know when such small things made him feel so happy or content, but in this moment, with you, it's like all he could feel was happy and put together, in a weird way. He doesn't know how to describe it, but now that he's here with you, in your space and presence, he feels… whole. Complete. Like all the missing pieces he didn't even notice were gone, all fell into place when you were around. With you here with him, he feels the happiest he's been in a long while, and he couldn't even begin to explain why.

He's only really known you for a day, but it already felt like he's spent a lifetime with you.

“Hey… Y/n?” He spoke up, breaking the silence between the both of you, looking back at the coffee cup in his hands. “I just want to say that… I'm happy you're here, and that you let me see you.” He begins, slowly looking back at you, an easy but pleasant smile on his face. It was easily the most natural one he's shown you tonight, and his clear unannounced happiness, no matter how light, made the pit in your stomach grow deeper and wider.

Why is he looking at you like that? And why did it hurt to see it now? Why did it relight the fire in your chest, and make it burn - the flames barely tickling your chest from the inside? Why did you feel like this? What did you do to cause him to wear such a smile?

Why now? What was going on?

“I know we haven't talked much, or really hung out, but this… this is nice for what it's worth, and I'm happy that I get the chance to spend this time with you despite everything.” The small bits of moonlight shined in his eyes, almost making Dick appear better than he was. More friendly, charming, and brighter than you saw him as. You couldn't stand the sight. Your dread growing much too big for you to keep looking at him.

So, you look away. Hoping that Dick would get whatever kind of message you were trying to send - and yet, even if he saw it, he didn't bother to decipher it. Words tumbling out of his mouth before he could think them over, too deep in his own feelings to see yours. Though he doesn't seem to mind as he said the words that began to fill his heart, and let them out into the open air. The wind whisking them away, and shoving them into your ears.

“You… mean a lot to me, and I know that, again, we haven’t really done much together, or really spent the most time together either, but- you matter to me. You’re important to me, and I’m sorry that was never made clear before.” He blurts out, heart aching and swelling at his own words, but Dick just couldn’t help himself. He feels like he needs to say something, to say this, and he doesn't want to have to wait any longer to say it. Even if you don’t like him or saw him a certain way, he wants to at least say this. To tell you his truth - his new truth. A truth that is becoming more clear to him as the seconds pass. Seconds he spent with you. “I know that I’ve messed up- a lot, and I know that it isn’t just me that made things turn out like this, but I at least want to let you know that I do care about you. I just…” Dick ran a hand through his hair, pausing for a moment as countless words he wanted to say float around in his head, but he just didn't know how to say them. Or even say them in a way that would get you to understand, or at least hear him out.

He looks away for a moment before looking back at you. Hand dropping and folding around his cup once again. “I’m sorry, for everything. For missing your concerts and performances, and just- everything. I should’ve been there, and even if I was busy, that isn’t an excuse. I should’ve made time for you, I could’ve, and yet it just always slipped my mind and… I should’ve never done that to you. You didn’t- you don’t deserve to go through that, you didn’t have to, and yet you did, and I’m just.. so sorry that now is the time that I’m realizing this. You… you deserve so much more than what we gave you, and I’m sorry if that made you feel any less than what you are- because you are amazing, and wonderful, and bright-!”

“You’re.. you’re a lot of things, and I really couldn’t list them all since I’m still slowly seeing it all for myself. Though even then, we’d be here for a while… wouldn’t we?” Dick chuckles lightly, a tinge of endearment in his tone, with a hint of a softness that was slowly becoming more and more apparent as he went on. His expression softened even more, and yet all you could feel was dread and anger that grew with each sentence that fell out of his mouth.

Was he messing with you? Was Dick trying to make himself feel better about everything, or just mess you up even more? Maybe both?

Why was he saying all of this now? Why tonight? Why now of all times? His words… they couldn’t be true. They can’t be. If they were, if they are – then why did he wait so long? How come he didn’t realize anything sooner? Why couldn’t he realize it sooner? Why now? Why right this minute, when you were almost ready to let go?

Why is he trying to give you hope over a future, a dream, a wish you never thought would come true? That they, indirectly or not, made you believe would never be made into a reality? No matter how much you did, and sacrificed for them behind the scenes? Was he trying to trick you? Did he really believe that you’d allow yourself to become blind again? That you could actually take the little words that he’s saying to you at face value, after all this time? After all of your wasted effort?

Did he really think that he could salvage what little remained of your nonexistent relationship with him, with just a few words and soft smiles? That you would just suddenly be willing to let him back into your life, after you spent the last year or so just trying to make it so that once you left, you’d never have to turn back? After everything he and the others put you through?

You understood that they were busy. That protecting Gotham and Bludhaven were more important to them than you’d ever be. That they care more about their work and their own lives than they never will about anything you’d try to say to them - you understood that well. It was almost impossible not too with how long you’ve had to deal with it, and come to terms with everything over the few months you’ve given yourself to truly soak everything in and reflect. The one time you gave yourself a breather to process all that's happened over the years you wasted on them, and think about how you are going to move forward in your life. How you’re going to deal with the family moving forward, or if you’d ever bother to deal with them at all. Though, you're still in that process, and had yet to really think about what you’d do moving forward.

Yet, Dick just had to show up while you were in that process. He just had to show his face after so long, and do this to you. Torment you with his words, and cause further conflict inside of you that you don’t need. Causing more heartache and pain that you didn’t want, and yet he just had to keep going, he had to keep talking. He couldn’t just walk away again like he had all of those other times when you were fighting to spend time with him, to just mean something to him. Dick just had to show up, and lie to your face about this. He just had to finally notice you, and hurt you more.

“I’m… I’m just really glad I got to see you is all I’m trying to say, I guess. And that I missed you too, in all honesty.”

So he keeps going, it seems. He just has to say that, like you’d believe him. Like you’d truly think that he cared about you more than the criminals in Gotham did. Like he wasn’t just lying to your face in an attempt to try and hurt you more. To crush what little part of your heart you still had given to them, and destroy it entirely. 

Honestly, now it was like he's trying to get you to hate him. To rid of the memories where you used to look up to him, and really tried to see him as your older brother until the reality of it all crushed you. Until reality forced your eyes open, and made you realize the little you had, and the little he cared.

Your own anger was beginning to blind you, and your hatred grew within you - though you hardly found a part of yourself that cared anymore. 

Even if Dick’s words are true to him, they aren't to you, and that’s all you cared about. Since, as far as you know, they were never true until he suddenly felt bad, and this whole thing started.

However, you still try to remain civil. Just taking in a breath, and sighing before looking back at Dick. Exhaustion becoming more evident, anger and hatred beginning to bloom – but you manage to tuck it away for now. No matter how frustrated Dick makes you, you could keep your composer. You could keep yourself together, and by God would you try no matter how much you want to just get up and leave. No matter how much you want to think that he wasn’t worth the time or energy. At least, not anymore.

“Dick, just tell me why you’re here.” You say, getting straight to the point and seemingly completely ignoring what he said before. Not taking his words to heart, no matter how much they sting and add fuel to the flame growing in your chest. 

Dick looks at you confused, a little taken aback by your response, but just pushes it to the side. Only raising a brow, managing to keep up his smile, “What do you mean? I told you already, silly.” He chuckles a bit, his words already pinching at your skin.

“I’m here to see you.”

‘Bullshit.’ You immediately thought, but don’t say out loud. Not yet, anyway.

“It’s obvious that something’s going on, I mean- do you hear the sounds echoing throughout Gotham? Or, hell, how quiet it is besides said noises?” You ask, tone shifting with every word that spilled out of your mouth, undertone unclear, but Dick didn’t like it. “You don’t have to explain what’s going on, but please, just tell me how or if I can help so that we can both go on with our nights? I know you don’t have time for this. Both of us don’t.” 

Dick can only furrow his brows in response, his confusion growing the more you spoke, but also worried about the tone you’re using with him. A tone that was growing increasingly harsh.

“What are you talking about? I never said I needed your help with anything, and didn’t I already mention that the others are handling the situation?” Dick said, genuinely confused, and yet that only seems to make the flame in your chest burn brighter.

“Then what are you doing here? Why are we even talking right now if you don’t need anything from me?” You ask, voice rising in volume a bit before you bring it back down. The little stings Dick’s words left on your skin turning into a grip around your heart. 

“I’ve already told you, Y/n…. I just wanted to see you.” Dick said again, growing a little more worried now.

“Yes, but why? What made you want to see me so badly that you even went out of your way to find out where I live?” You couldn’t help but ask, frustration growing but so did your desperation. Over what, you don’t know, but all you knew was that you want this to be over. You want to go home. You want to be away from Dick. From them.

Even if your home probably wouldn’t feel as safe anymore now that they knew where it is, and you knew that too, but couldn't find it in yourself to care. Anywhere that wasn't in the immediate vicinity of Dick felt better than being here, with him at arm's length.

“I need a reason to see my younger sibling now? I can’t just come visit them?” Dick asks, still worried and confused, yes, but an odd tone of sarcasm seemed to develop under his tongue.

“After months of no contact? After all that’s happened?” You say as a meaningless, humorless laugh escapes you before your voice drops and cements itself, “Yes. Yes you do, because you’ve never visited me before. You’ve never gone out of your way like this, not even to see me in my own room. So why now? Why tonight? Why come see me?”

Your words stung Dick, and you can tell with how he flinches a bit at your words, if only for a brief moment. He even cringes a little, as if they have physically hurt him, but you didn’t react much. You want to know why, because it made no sense to you, and by God did you deserve an answer.

There is no reason why he should’ve come to see you, none. You aren’t related to him, and even if you are by law, he’s never treated you like family in the past - just someone else who lives in the manor, but over time you began to believe that he started to forget that too, with how he’d grow increasingly surprised by seeing you in person when he'd occasionally visit.

You meant nothing to him, last you checked. So what was so important that he and the others needed to find out where you live, and seek you out like this? What was going on?

From how you look at Dick, he can tell you wanted to know. That you want a ‘real’ answer, one that you’d accept, anyway. Along with the fact that you aren’t going to take your words back, finding them to be nothing less than true, and even if they are, they don’t hurt any less. Especially considering how far he’s come today. How much he’s seen, and how his view is beginning to change. How you were growing on him without even knowing it, making him realize that some of it isn’t even you to begin with. Though there wasn’t much he could do about that, not right now. Not with you getting worked up like this, and not with how he's beginning to hurt too.

The truth hurt, it almost always did. Never sparing anyone, and almost acting as a sword rather than weight. A dagger than another page, but paper cuts did exist for a reason – he supposes.

“I.. I know that it might seem hard to believe, considering everything, but that really is all there is to it.” Dick says, trying to explain as he clutches onto the coffee cup in his hands, “I just want to see you because I was worried, and I… I just wanted to make sure you were okay. That’s all.”

“Then what about the others? Why find out where I live? What’s with all the noise?” Your desperation was becoming a little clearer as you spoke quickly, the questions falling out of your mouth as your heart began to squeeze tightly. The smoke that the fire in your chest was creating, started to reach and fill your lungs little by little with each passing second.

“The others are busy taking care of the city, and how else am I supposed to see you? You weren’t answering any of my or Tim’s calls or texts. We…” Dick drags on a little before just sighing, looking dejected, “I was worried about you- I am worried about you. I thought something happened, and I had to know if something did. Is that so wrong? Can I not check on my younger siblings anymore?”

“That's not what I meant, and you know that.” You point out straight away, but did falter the slightest bit when he mentions how you were ignoring them trying to contact you earlier. However, you didn't back down. “And both of you just started contacting me today. I didn't have any time to answer either of you before you showed up at my door.”

“Really? You had absolutely no time at all to pick up the phone? Not even send a quick message, or even read our texts?”

“I was busy? And was doing something else, so I couldn't get to the phone right away.”

“For several hours? Y/n, you've got to be kidding me.” Dick chuckles out, obviously not believing you, which ticks you off even more.

“What, so I can't do other things? I have to be at your every beck and call, now?” You scoff, rolling your eyes. “None of you have ever contacted me first, so I'm sorry that I didn't have any time to respond to whatever you both had to say. I have my own life to deal with, you do know that, right?”

“That's not what I-” Dick cuts himself off, just letting out a sigh before speaking again after thinking over how to reword what he wants to say, “Look, just- what was so important that made it so you couldn't answer the phone?” He asks instead, searching your expression for something, and furrowing his brows when he couldn't find it.

“... That's none of your business.” You answer instead, narrowing your eyes at him a little. Whatever you did in your life, he didn't have to know. He doesn't have the right to know, not anymore. You may have been willing to offer him this one chance to ask something from you to help with whatever is going on, but that was all, and where your generosity ended. It wasn't a chance to reconnect, or to rebuild what never was, and still isn't. 

If there's anything that this whole situation has told you, it's that you shouldn't have tried in the first place - and that maybe, just maybe, you should've left sooner. That was clear to you now. 

“...” It's like Dick could tell things were getting worse this way. He didn't know what was causing it or how, but he could feel it. Especially with how you were growing increasingly upset, and how he was as well. 

So, he tried to settle down a little and just took a breath. At this rate, he could only dread how things would get, and so he at least tried to change the direction of things a bit. Yet, he still couldn't help himself either. Maybe he didn't deserve to know, but he did want to ask. 

“Look, just-” he tries to find the words to say, to not make this whole thing worse than it already is, and settles on a simpler question. One he figures you can handle, one he hopes does what he wants it to do. “Can you at least tell me why you keep ignoring me when I say that I'm here to see you? Or at least why you just… brush it off?” Dick manages to say, eyes never once leaving you, but for a different reason this time.

He just wants you to open up, but how could you do that when he kept you out for so long? When he locked that door so long ago, and forgot where he left the key? Leaving him to never know of the chair you left right under the handle.

“... What do you-”

“You know what I'm talking about, Y/n, just… please.” Dick almost pleads, which makes you uncomfortable. Causing you to press your lips into a thin line once again, “I don't want this to…” he doesn't want to say it outloud. He couldn't bring himself to. Especially when he doesn't want it to be true. To be made into reality.

“I just want to know, Y/n. So please, just tell me? Because I don't understand why you keep avoiding it, or just don't acknowledge it at all.” Dick says instead, which causes you to grow quiet in the process. 

“...”

You couldn't think of anything to say, just being able to look at him before glancing away and taking in a breath of your own. You couldn't bring yourself to answer the question because - what were you supposed to say? What are you supposed to say? The truth? Or make up a lie? Though even if you picked one or the other, would it be for yourself? Or for Dick?

You didn't know, and a special kind of uncertainty came with that, jabbing your gut and making the flame within you crackle harshly. You hate this. You hate this more than what their inaction did to you, and almost as much as the realization that it's because of them that you're in this position to begin with.

“Why do you think?” You begin, emotions and thoughts swarming in your head and squeezing your heart. You want to not care, to brush it all off as you have before, but only find yourself hurting despite everything. Why does your chest hurt so much? Why did it feel like something was pressing against it, threatening to pierce it? “Why do you think that I'm ‘ignoring’ it or just… dismiss it?”

Dick hates how you look away, and the swirl of emotion he saw in your eyes when you looked at him before. Which only made his own emotions grow like a heavy weight, threatening to fall on him. To crush him, and only leave the tiniest parts of himself behind. Parts that still hung onto that false hope he made himself.

He knew, or at least had an idea, but he ignored it. Dick wants to hear it from you, even if he doesn't know what he's hoping for with that. He knows of his faults, and yet not the entirety of them - at least, that was the impression he was getting from all of this.

He isn't blind, but there are only so many things he could let himself see before the ugliness of it all rears its head at him, and snarls. Before the quiet part that he refuses to glance at, becomes loud.

“I… I don't know,” Dick manages to say after a moment, still looking at you as he searches for something, anything that will point things in a different direction. Something that will give the little hope he has anything to cling on to.

Something he doesn't find.

He takes in another breath, “Can you please just… tell me? I do want to know, I really do- so just, please. Tell me why you keep ignoring what I'm saying?”

“I'm not-” You cut yourself off, speaking before you could come up with a response, the words tumbling out of your mouth quickly before you caught yourself and take in a slow, uneven breath. “I'm not ignoring what you're saying. I'm not, but- just…” You drag on before finally letting out a sigh. Some of the tension freeing itself from your body, but not enough for it to let you truly calm down or relax. 

“What do you expect me to do? To say?” You finally manage to voice it outloud, to ask as you look back at Dick briefly. With the moon trying its hardest to peek through the clouds as they begin to fill and crowd the sky. “You haven't checked up on me in all the years I was in the manor, and, hell, I doubt you even know where my room is-”

“I know where it is.”

“- and even if you do, that doesn't change what happened. Or, really, what didn't.” You narrow your eyes at Dick's sudden words, but don't comment on them as you continue, voice wavering slightly, “You've… never checked up on me before, or even asked me if I was okay- we barely even greeted each other, and I didn't see you around all that often. I didn't get to. So I'm sorry if it's hard for me to believe that you just suddenly care, or want to check up on me after all this time.” You say, still biting your tongue and holding yourself back from sharing more than you should. From giving more than you already have.

“...” Dick's lips press into a thin line before he goes to speak again, “I understand that, but… why can't that change now? Why can't I care about you now?” 

“It isn't about what you can and can't do, Dick. Nor what can be changed now or not, it's…” A quick, small groan escapes you as you try to gather the words you want to say, and finally let them out when you do, “it's what I'm used to, Dick. That's just how it is.”

Finally, dread made its way into Dick’s heart as well, “So… that's it? You're just ‘used to it’? And I can't change that?”

“I don’t know, can you?” You asked sarcastically in a dead tone, already tired of all of this, and yet the fire in your chest continues to burn ever so brightly. “You haven’t really done a good job of that thus far, if that's what you’re trying to do. I’ll say that much.” Your words hurt, you could tell right away. The way he looked at you said everything, but you didn’t try to look deeper than what presented itself on the surface. 

“This isn’t some kind of…. ‘reconnecting session’, stuff like that doesn’t really matter. I thought something serious- something important was going on, or had happened, that’s why I bothered with… all of this.” You point out and explain, only watching as the expression on Dick’s face morphed into something else. Something you couldn’t decipher, but didn’t like looking at. A face that made your stomach twist, with dread pouring out of every crevasse it could manage.

“And why would you think that? I don’t remember saying anything that would hint at that, and even then I would’ve said it outright.”

“You suddenly appeared at my door in the suit, and at some point was banging on it. How could I not think something was going on? Or that you didn’t need something from me? That something serious wasn’t happening? Especially when I don’t remember telling any of you where I live-”

“Okay, okay. I… I get it,” He didn’t, at least maybe not to the extent one would hope he would, but he didn’t want to argue. Not here, and not with you. Especially not when he was really beginning to see you. “But still… I want to change that. I want to make it up to you and fix things. Is that so bad?”

“...” You had no response to that, but even if you did, what could you say? You had imagined countless instances like this, but those situations weren’t real — this one was. In those scenarios, you always had something to say, rather it be good or bad, and you always knew what to do. Yet here, now that it was actually happening, you had nothing. You didn’t know what to do or say, and even if you did have some things you wanted to just let spill out, you kept them in. You didn’t want things to get worse either, but the more Dick talked, the harder that became.

Why couldn’t he just be the person from your thoughts and dreams? The person you always saw him as until now?

“I just…” Dick tries to gather his thoughts, not exactly liking your silence but trying to push on anyway. He finally had a chance, and he’d be damned to not take it. “I want to make things right, and yeah, maybe it's late- really, um, late, but I still want to try.” He manages to say, taking a small, quick breath before he continues, an easy smile trying to settle on his face.

“You deserve better, and I want to be better for you. Things may not be the same, and sure, it might be a bit awkward-” He chuckles slightly in between his words, “-but I think that we can… work it out if you just give it a try. Give me a chance-”

“But I did.” You manage to say, cutting Dick off. He has to fight for his smile to not falter immediately, unaware of how your heart pounded harshly in your chest, the fire it held growing and clawing at the bars of its cage that was your ribs and flesh. Scorching your lungs, and the smoke causing your throat to close, making it harder to breathe.

“... What?” Dick said, partially confused but still trying to at least seem optimistic. A weight of its own beginning to press down on him.

“... What do you think I did all of this time?” You ask, looking away for a moment, glancing up at the covered moon before looking back at Dick, “What do you think I did all of those years I spent at the manor? Before I decided to move out, and be on my own?” 

“...” Dick didn’t have an answer, not one he said right away, anyway. Not one that wouldn’t make him look bad, but he didn’t know what was worse. Staying quiet when he knew a part of it, or saying the part he knew and risk being wrong, revealing how he still didn’t know the full picture despite everything. Despite getting a glance into a life he knew he wasn’t involved in, and feeling more guilty all the while.

However, you decide that his small bit of silence was enough of an answer, and just as Dick opened his mouth to say something, you spoke again. “Most of my time in the manor I’ve spent trying to give you chances- to give the others a chance. Trying to give opportunities to just do something, try anything, and… well,” You look away fully this time, caressing the coffee cup in your hand, it’s dying warm doing little to help you, causing you to draw your attention to the shaded greenery of the park instead.

“We both know how that turned out.”

If your words didn’t hurt him before, they definitely did now. Even as Dick fought to keep that smile of his up, it was pointless. You were right, and he knew that. Even if he didn’t know the true extent of your words, he was at least aware of the times where you’d try to get them to see you perform, to hear your songs and listen to your music that had gotten you this far. He knew that much, and yet he still couldn’t help but try. He wants to mean more to you, to do what he hasn’t done up until this point, to truly be your older brother, to be your family - despite how long he’s been unable to do that.

“I… I know, and I’m sorry.” Dick could only say that much, even if it did little in the long run, and a part of himself could tell that his words only made whatever you were feeling worse as you inched away from him, the sight of the small action breaking his heart even more.

“Maybe that doesn’t mean much, but it’s true. I’m just… sorry that things turned out this way. That we- that I never noticed how hard you were trying until now, and even if it is late, I want to be honest and say that I’m sorry.” He adds, finally managing to look away as well as he looked down at the cup in his hands, thoughts swarming and eating away at his heart. Even if they were going too fast for him to process them all, they hurt him all the same and caused his worry to grow. “I’m sorry for everything, for never noticing what was going on or the extent of it, or appreciating the effort you tried to put in for our attention, for just not… being around. You deserve better- and I want to give that. I want to give you want you deserve and finally be-”

“Stop.” You said under your breath, voice wavering as you take in a shaky breath. Yet, even as it falls upon deaf ears, and Dick couldn’t make out exactly what you said, he still pauses for a moment before speaking again.

“... I just want to fix things, Y/n.” Dick says instead, but it doesn’t make you feel any better, nothing does. 

“You mean a lot to me.” You just want him to stop. 

“And maybe that’s… weird to hear with everything that’s happened. But it is true, and I’m sorry I never made that clear before.” You want him to stop lying to you, to stop trying to make you feel better. You’ve been doing fine on your own without him, without them, and so the only thing you wanted now was for Dick to stop and leave. To act like he had before, and go back to ignoring you.

“So… let’s change that, okay? I… I want to spend more time with you.” You want him to shut up. You want it so bad that it hurts to hear him talk as he goes on and on. His voice ringing in your ears to a point you’re convinced that they’ll bleed if this continues on for any longer. If he continues to talk for any longer. 

“I’m being honest, I really want to try and be your-”

“Stop… please, just- just stop.” You manage to say, voice small and wavering as you try to take in another breath. You want to be unbothered, unhurt, painless, and numb, but you can’t and you don’t know why. You thought you had gotten used to this, and you had, but to hear that - to hear the words you’ve wanted to hear for so many years - that hurt more than anything else. The pain was indescribable, and its result only made that fire grow, the flames scratching at your chest even harder, and your heart bleeding as a result.

Suddenly, all the progress you’ve made over all the months you’ve been away feel useless now. Reduced to nothing in Dick’s presence as his words stripped down your walls in the most violent, volatile ways possible.

Once upon a time, you fought to have a single conversation with him that lasted more than just a few short exchanges, and now you’d do anything to have that back. For him to go back to the Dick you grew up with, the one you fought to even have to look at you for more than a few seconds.

“You can’t do this to me.” You said without thinking, voice weak and shaky as you scramble to keep yourself together, to hold back tears that you refuse to spill – refusing to shed any more over them. Refusing to let all of your progress go to waste just like that.

You were happy, you have been happy these past few months, and you refuse for that to be taken away from you.

“What? Y/n, what do you mean-” Dick tries to speak, but you don’t give him the luxury, not after this. Not after what he’s been doing to you.

“You can’t do this to me,” You repeat, trying to breathe and fight past the smoke building in your lungs, nearly gasping for air as your teeth begin to grind, “you can’t- you just can’t. So stop… please just..” You try to take in another breath, no matter how small it is or strangled it feels.

“Just. Stop.”

“...” It’s like no matter what Dick tries to do, things end up becoming worse, and he hates that he doesn’t know why. He can't understand why. 

Clearly he’s hurting you, he could see that no matter how much he doesn’t want to, but he doesn’t know what he’s saying that’s hurting you. He doesn’t know what he’s doing that’s causing you to become so upset. 

After all, don’t you want this? Don’t you want him to try? For your efforts to be reciprocated? Don’t you want to be family too? For him to try and be what he’s supposed to have been all of this time? Don’t you want him to try and be your big brother? 

You couldn’t have given up yet, right? There was no way you could have. You couldn’t have given up after all you have done, after all the awards and such he saw that you’ve earned over the years – awards that were still in your room. You couldn’t have given up. That's impossible, there’s no way. No one would throw all of that away, right? No one would do all that you have, only to just put it all behind them - not anyone that Dick could think of at the moment.

… He hated how he thought of it anyway. How the thought creeped into his mind, and remained there. Letting his dread and worry grow as reality began to sneak its way into his brain. 

Dick doesn’t want to think about it – let along consider the idea, but this isn’t about him. This isn’t about what he thinks or feels.

This is about you, and despite his words, he hates that he had forgotten that already.

“Y/n,” He calls out to you softly, really trying this time, and you hate that detail with all of your heart, “can you just please tell me what’s wrong?” Dick’s words make you physically pause, even causing your rushing thoughts to come to a halt. They repeat in your head once more, and you can only think one thing.

Is he seriously asking you that?

“I know that you’re upset, but I want to work through this with you. So, just tell me so I can help, okay-?”

“Stop- God, just please stop, Dick.” You manage to say, already getting slightly choked up before you manage to shakily exhale, trying your hardest to keep it together as your heart squeezes and your chest tightens. You can’t bring yourself to look at Dick, but your teeth grind as you scramble to keep the flames eating up your body from the inside, trapped and hidden away.

“You can’t do this to me,” You say more desperately than you wanted to, a few tears developing that you fight back violently to keep them from spilling, your own teeth getting crushed and feel as if they were beginning to chip and break with how hard they’re grinding against each other. “You can’t- you can’t-” You struggle to get the words out, nearly gasping for air as that sickening, thick smoke threatens to escape your lungs.

“You can’t do this to me, you can’t give me hope.” You finally say, voice straining as your breath trembles. When you finally do look at Dick, neither of your expressions are good ones. Both filled with mixes of emotions, but his was more deep and almost controlled, while yours was frantic and ever changing.

“... What?”

“After all of this time, after everything- everything I’ve been put through. Everything I’ve been trying to move on from-” You struggle to breathe momentarily, but manage to get yet another gasp of air before continuing, “you can’t just try and give me hope like that. You can’t. You just- can’t.”

Now it’s Dick’s turn to pause as he processes what you said, each word making the weight in his chest sink deeper and deeper until it reaches his stomach. The very thing he seems to dread is becoming more real with every minute that passes and he hates that more than anything. He wants to ignore it, to push past it, but how can he do that when it’s right in front of him? How can he do that when something worse could be laying underneath everything?

He doesn’t want to think about it, and so he doesn’t and tries to tuck it away as he goes on to say, “But… why? Why can’t I give that to you? Why can’t I try to help you?”

“Dick, please, for the love of god just-” You want to say it, you really do, but manage to hold yourself back with the little self control you have, and simply just take in the biggest breath you can manage, and sigh just as deeply. “Nevermind, and just- you know what? We’re… we’re done here.” You say instead. Placing your coffee cup on the bench, not even caring that you barely finished the drink, and move to stand up.

“What? Wait- what?” Dick asks, sitting up and tensing when you stand, but not making a move just yet, even if it was clear that he’d do something. What, you don’t know, but you didn’t notice anyway as you were too focused on yourself and getting out of this situation.

“We’re done here, what else do I have to say?” You don’t look back at Dick, instead continue to try and steady your breath. Trying to calm yourself down, and finally do something to quell the burning flames inside your chest, “This isn’t going anywhere, and we aren’t discussing anything important, so… let’s call it here. I’m leaving.” You say outright, being blunt this time as you make a move to step away-

Only to be stopped when Dick suddenly grabs your wrist, his grasp a touch too tight.

“Hold on- who said you get to decide that?” Dick asks, having sprung up to grab you as swiftly and quickly as he did, a flash of panic showing on his face before he pushed it aside and swallowed his nerves. He tries to manage another smile, even if it doesn’t reach his eyes yet again, “Let’s just talk about this, okay? There’s no need to overreact.”

“Overreact…?” You glance back at him, physically feeling as all of your previous progress to calm yourself was quickly diminishing, the fire only roaring to life at Dick’s words, and it’s like he could feel it too with how his smile faltered the smallest bit before he tried to pick it up again.

“Okay- maybe not overreact, but we can still talk about this… can’t we?” He says instead, as if realizing his mistake once you point it out. Scrambling for something, anything.

You don’t say anything right away, your chest only hurting even more, “And talk about what, exactly?” You ask, just barely being able to hear the clouds overhead groan in displeasure, “What is there to talk about? We have nothing to discuss, and so we should just end things here.”

An airy laugh escapes Dick, almost as he can’t believe what you’re saying, and yet he continues to stare at you. All he does is raise a brow, his heart pounding as that weight in his stomach drops further, “About… everything?” He says, as if a little unsure of how to word it, but keeps going anyway, “About the family, about us, about you- everything! What isn’t there to talk about?” He counters, furrowing his brows a little.

He knows you want to leave, but he can’t bring himself to let you go. Not when he doesn’t know when he’ll have this chance again. Not when he’s so close – but to what, he doesn’t know anymore. All he knows is that it deals with you, and that’s enough for him.

“... But there isn’t anything important to talk about.” You point out as if it was obvious, raising a brow of your own as you look back at Dick, ignoring how the longer Dick held onto your wrist, the heavier your dread became. Nearly making it impossible to breathe despite how you were trying to act now,  “Again, I even bothered to do any of this because I thought something was going on or that you needed something from me, and I turned out to be wrong, so there’s no other reason for me to be here.” You try to be logical, or seem that way, anyway. You try to give whatever bullshit reason you can, saying anything that you hope would just get Dick away from you and just let you go.

“...” Dick hated your words with a burning passion he didn’t even know he was capable of feeling, and the breathy laugh of disbelief that escaped him only furthered his own change of heart, “So I’m not important to you? Our family isn’t important to you? Because of everything that’s happened? So our effort to change everything isn’t important to you? It matters that little to you now that you’ve lived on your own for… what, a few months?”

“What are you talking about? You’re asking me that as if you know me, and- news flash, you don’t. So get a hold of yourself- and let me go already!” You yank your wrist away from Dick’s grasp, pulling it back towards you harshly.

The moment your wrist leaves his grasp, his hand twitches, but he manages to hold himself back and just let his hand fold into a fist as it falls back to his side. His eyes pinned on you once again, never leaving you, “Why can’t I get to know you now? Why can’t that change, Y/n?” He asks, his own tone changing without him noticing, making it sharper than he meant it to be, “Why can’t you just let me in?”

The visceral hatred those words spawn in you is hotter than words can describe, and felt as if it was burning right through your chest, melting your muscles and organs down to nothing. You not only struggled to breathe, but it hurt to even take in the smallest breath. “‘Why’…? You’re asking me, ‘why’?” A small, airy, pathetic laugh escapes you, a look of disbelief clear on your face.

“Oh, I don’t know, maybe it’s because of the years that have passed? That every attempt I’ve made to do what you’re asking me right now- was ignored until I didn’t try anymore? Until I go off and try to actually live my life, that you ask for me to let you in? For things to change?” You almost spat out, barely managing to take in a steady breath, “I don’t know, Dick. I don’t know what you want me to say.”

Dick could barely pull himself together. Everything was falling apart, and even if he could see that, he could barely get a grasp on his own emotions that he was failing to calm down. He wants you to understand, and he wants to understand you too, but god was everything making it so hard. He just couldn’t understand why you were being so stubborn about this, and why you wouldn’t just hear him out. 

So, in the midst of his own frustration, he tsked and spoke without thinking.

“I haven’t done anything to you! Why are you acting like this?” The moment those words left Dick, his eyes widened and he scrambled to recover, “Wait, I didn’t mean-”

“Isn’t that the point?” You cut Dick off, the smoke finally escaping your lungs as you furrowed your brows, chest tightening as more unwanted tears began to build, “That you did nothing? That you- and everyone else didn’t do a goddamn thing?”

“You try to act like I owe you something. Like I owe you this. Like I owe you my time, but you know what? You really don’t, because back then? I clearly didn’t deserve yours. I wasn’t worth your time, and now, years later, you think that I owe you mine? That you can just say whatever the hell you want to my face, because I dared to try and be respectful and civil and do all of this shit for you?” There was no holding back anymore, not when Dick dared to say something like that to your face when you’ve been trying so hard to act calm and civil around him. To give him a chance to say his piece and leave.

The one time you tried to do something for them, for him, after months of being away from all of them, and he dared to say something like that to you?

“Then think again. Because unlike before, I have some god damn self respect and won’t stand for your bullshit anymore.” You spat out as the sky above growled even louder, “You don’t get to say that to me, Grayson.”

Yet, despite your words, a single measly tear manages to slip past your defenses and slowly, painstakingly roll down your cheek. The clouds above seem to have taken that as some sort of sign, as a few small drops of water fell from the sky and hit the pavement under your feet.

Dick pauses after that, if only for a moment as he looks over your expression before sighing. “Okay- fine, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to say that… but,” he took a short breath before saying, “that still doesn’t answer my question, Y/n.”

“...” All you could do was stare at him. Another pathetic, airy laugh escaping you all the while. He really was unbelievable.

“Which one? The one where you asked why things can’t change? Why I won’t ‘let you in’? Or why I’m ‘acting like this’?” Dick clenches his hands into fists, squeezing them before he lets go.

“Why can’t things change, why can’t the relationship between us change?” You hate the tone he used and how the look he gave you expressed and showed more than words could describe. A certain desperation in his eyes that you wish didn’t exist, that you didn’t notice.

“You never showed me that it could change. That it would always stay the same as it has for the past few years-”

“But why does back then matter? Why can’t we focus on now? On this?” He gestured between the two of you, “Can’t we just- I don’t know… move on from that?” You didn’t know if you wanted to laugh, or actually allow yourself to cry, especially when a few more raindrops fell from the sky. He couldn’t be serious, could he? Did Dick actually just say that, and to you of all people?

“Move on?” You say, a few more tears spilling despite your efforts to stop them, their touch burning your skin and sinking into it like acid, “You want me to move on from that? Move on from the years of my life that you weren’t a part of? To just forget all that’s happened?”

“You don’t have to forget… maybe just, push it aside so that we can work on this! On us…” Dick says, dragging on a little before he takes in another quick breath, “Is that so bad? Don’t you want to be family-?”

“You don’t get to say that to me.” You immediately cut him off the moment Dick even tries to mention family again, “You don’t get to say what I want or what I have to do- after everything I’ve done for you! For the others-! You don’t get to say that to me anymore!”

“Y/n, please, just calm down-”

“No! You don’t get to do this to me! To say all of this shit to my face-” You struggle to speak, your words catching in your throat and nearly choking you, but you manage to continue. To continue to say your part, and finally say the words your heart has been longing to say, to give yourself this much, to finally feel this out, “Do you even know how much I’ve done for you- all of you? How much time I spent doing all of these things I thought you guys liked just so that I had a chance to hold a conversation with any of you? To just mean something? To actually be part of the family, only for no one to show up-?”

“No one asked you to do those things! No one asked you to do anything!” Dick snaps, but immediately tries to reel it back, “I understand that things didn’t work out before, but I’m here now, aren’t I?”

Your brows furrow even more, and your teeth grind so hard that it feels like they’re chipping away, “No one had to ask! Hell- none of you ended up caring anyway! It was a waste!” You shout, voice raising the more you talked, tears mixing with the drizzling rain, “It was for you- I did everything I could think of to just talk to you, and now you want me to do more for you? After everything I’ve already done? After all the effort that was put to waste because of you?” At this rate, you knew you weren’t talking to just Dick anymore. Instead, he acted as an extension, in your mind. An extension to something bigger, something greater than himself. Something more than he was.

Dick falters, but just sighs again, “No one told you to do all of that,Y/n]. You didn’t have to do anything but just try to-”

“Try to what, Grayson? Try to what?” You cut him off, eyes swirling with untold emotion as your gaze pierces into him, “Go on, tell me what else I had to do. What I should’ve done.”

“...” Dick looks at you for a moment before speaking again with a small huff, “You could’ve tried a different approach, or maybe, talked to us?”

“...” You don’t know what you want to do more; try to strangle Dick, cry harder, or leave again after trying to kill him. “You did not just say that.” You manage to laugh out, but it’s broken and far from genuine. The humor in it long gone, and all that was left was a sickening, uncomfortable emptiness where it once remained. 

“Well, I’m just saying-”

“You did not just say that shit to me when you’ve been the one shooting down every conversation I’ve tried to have with you. You- the person who’s supposed to be the ‘family man’, and we’ve barely even talked. And let me tell you now, I’m not the one who hasn’t been trying to talk or avoiding it.” A pained smile crept up your face as you laughed breathlessly in between your words once more. Not even caring anymore as you let the fire burst from your chest, and have its ashes and smoke spill out of you.

Dick narrows his eyes and furrows his brows a bit, “‘Avoiding it’? What the hell are you talking about? I haven’t been avoiding you-”

“Then please explain where the hell you’ve been all of my life until now? Why you could never follow through with what you’d always tell me? Why you come to me now, when I gave you years to do or say anything?”

“I… I was busy, okay? You know that,” He tried to lighten his tone with a chuckle but it did little to help, and only showed his own strain, “I don’t always have time to come to Gotham-”

“But you make the time to do it anyway. You make time to visit, especially when it comes to Damian.” When Dick falls silent again for a moment, you take in a shaky breath and sniffle slightly, feeling awful in every sense of the word, “I guess I just wasn’t worth it, right? I wasn’t worthy of your oh so precious time, but everyone else was. Something else was.” Your expression darkens slightly as your strained smile drops completely.

“There’s always something else, right? Something else to do, someone else to see. You could make time, alright, but just couldn’t for me.”

“That’s not what I’m saying, Y/n.”

“Then please, enlighten me, what are you saying, Grayson?” Dick hates every time you say that, every time you refer to him by his last name. It feels like there's a deeper meaning to it that he refuses to see, and just hearing you call him that instead of anything else only forces him to remember that. To remind him of his own faults, both past and present.

Maybe he'd wonder how he keeps messing things up or why he keeps saying everything besides what he actually wants to say, but he's too deep in his own feelings to even think about that. Even if the answer laid within the action itself.

“Saving the city- having to look after Bludhaven and Gotham sometimes, and even the world on occasion- doesn't really give anyone a lot of time to do certain things. You know I'm not over all the time, and that I'm not always… y'know.”

“Dick Grayson?”

“Yeah! And just…” he took a breath before sighing once again, “All I'm saying is that a different approach could've been taken.” You hate how every word he said only seemed to validate concerns you had in the past. Thoughts that still liked to linger every now and then when you caught yourself still thinking about what could've been, and if certain things happened, would that really change anything?

It's funny that only now were you truly beginning to think otherwise.

“So… what?” You say in a dry voice, “Are you saying that I should’ve been just like you? Just like the others- and give up my dream, what I wanted to do- give up my passion, because at least then I would be able to talk to you? Because I would have a higher chance of even seeing you?”

“That's not what I mean, Y/n, and you know that-”

“No. No I don't. I don't know that, and honestly? I have no idea what the hell you’re even trying to tell me right now besides that I should’ve tried harder. That I didn't do enough, because clearly- spending all of my time trying to do things for you, to accommodate for the whole fucking family that couldn't even stand for me to be in their presence for even a few seconds-” You took a shaky breath, more tears spilling out and escaping you, more falling than you would've liked, “that's not enough. Wasting my life away and trying to do everything I could to the point where it put my health at risk- that wasn't enough. I should’ve just dropped everything and followed everyone else instead of trying to find an alternative, because there was no alternative, right? Is that what you're trying to say?”

For once, Dick was speechless and had nothing to say, and his silence only made you hurt more. It's like you were waiting for what felt like the inevitable.

“What else am I supposed to do, huh? What else haven't I done? Is nothing else good enough for you? Is that really the only way I could've been with you? To see you, to actually talk with you and all the others? To be part of the family? Is that what it would've taken?” You're nearly gasping for air at this rate, with every word you say only carving deeper into your heart, and getting harder to say as you struggle to voice them aloud. Nearly choking on both your words and tears, and yet you push on.

“Did I really have to give up on my passion- my dreams to have a better chance to be something to you?”

“Y/n, that's not what I mean. Doing it wouldn't have gotten in the way-”

“You know that's bullshit! You act like the line of work you do doesn't take over your life! Like you don't think about it everyday- like you aren't constantly in danger!” At this point you're shouting and you barely even realize it, tears flowing freely now as they burn into your cheeks and crash down on the pavement below, “Is it so bad that I don't want that? That I don't want to put my life at risk? That I don't want to live your life?!”

“Maybe you enjoy that. Maybe you like that chaos and constantly putting your life on the line- but some people don't! Maybe you're made for that kind of life, but I'm not! I want to live my own life without having to be even more worried about my own well-being and safety!”

“Y/n, please- calm down! I don't want to fight, I-” Dick took a quick breath, his own heart squeezing as he tries to remain stable, to remain calm. Even if it felt like he was watching his whole world crumble before him, each tear you shed stabbing into him, and every word that spilled out just twisted the knives as they dug deeper into his chest and body. “I understand what you mean, but you have to realize-”

“Realize what? That everything I did was for nothing?” Thinking it was one thing, but saying it out loud was another. The words weighed heavy on your tongue, and the more you tried to say them the more choked up you became. “That all of my effort was in vain, and I should’ve given up while I was ahead? Because that's the impression I'm getting right now-”

“That's not what I meant, Y/n. I… I didn't mean it like that.”

“But how else could you have possibly meant it? How else am I supposed to interpret that?” You laughed again, but it was just as sad and pathetic as the last, “You can't expect me to just know these things, Grayson, especially considering everything and just-” You felt like you were going to tear your hair out, like you were going to collapse and truly break. Yet you managed to stand, and speak again no matter how weak your voice is.

“You were never there for me, none of you were.” Your hands are shaking and your face burns, voice cracking in every way possible, and you hate this feeling. Yet above all else, you hate how he made you feel like this, “I could show up at the manor, bloodied and bruised, and no one- no one would notice or bat an eye. I could be wearing a cast and have crutches, and yet not a single person besides Alfred would see it or comment on it. I could be at the hospital and no one would show up, not one of you-”

“Wait… what-?” Dick tried to speak, but you wouldn’t let him, you couldn’t.

“You were never there when I needed you. You never checked up on me, you barely even noticed me-” again, you suck in another breath, barely able to take it in, “do you know what I’ve had to deal with on my own? How much it cost me? How much it hurt me-?”

“Wait, wait- hold on! You’ve been hurt?” Dick managed to cut you off, “I… I never heard about this.”

“Of course you haven't!” You couldn't help but laugh, more tears spilling and leaving scars on your face with how badly they burned into your skin, “You hardly even noticed, how can you expect to hear about it?”

“You didn't tell me- you didn't tell anyone! How- how am I supposed to know about these things when you won't even tell anyone? When you won't tell me?” Dick can feel himself begin to tear up, but he keeps it all down. He was frustrated, and even if it wasn't directed towards you, he couldn't keep his big mouth shut. Even if by the looks of things - you couldn't either, even if that was for a different reason.

Maybe you both were one in the same, but different in some ways. Dick would feel stupid if he noticed it, but of course he couldn't — not at the moment. Not with how things are going.

If only he noticed that sooner. If only he had done a lot of things sooner – then both of you wouldn't be in this position. You wouldn't be in this position.

Yet, he couldn't help himself. Both of you couldn't, in a way.

“I can't read your mind, Y/n! I'm not even at the manor half the time- how am I supposed to notice? You can't just expect me to suddenly know-”

“But you visit enough for the others? For any one of them you'd come rushing over, especially if it was for Damian-”

“At least he tells me when he gets hurt!”

“Are we talking about the same kid right now? God, and here I thought that he was your favorite.”

“‘Favorite’?” Dick chuckled out humorlessly, feeling something in him break at your words. “I don't have any favorites-”

“That is such bullshit, Grayson, and you fucking know that.” You couldn't help but sneer, everything you tried to keep inside finally rearing its ugly head as the lid you tried to put on your emotions flew off, leaving you feeling nothing but unapologetic rage. “You play favorites all the time, but I wouldn't know that, would I? I'm probably your least-”

“Don't say that. You're not. You never were.”

“Right! Yeah, you're right. After all, I'm not even on the list, am I? How can I be the least when you barely even acknowledge me-?”

“I didn't-” Dick just cuts himself off, sighing before he continues, not being able to stop the scoff that slips past, “I didn't mean it like that. You're important to me, Y/n, how many times do I have to say that? It's like you're trying to put words in my mouth at this rate.”

“Well, excuse me for not believing you considering that, oh, I don't know, I've been ignored by you for years? That-”

“‘Ignored’? I haven’t been ignoring you, no one has-”

“Really? Are you really trying to say that now-?”

“I understand that you're frustrated, okay? That you have all the reason to be mad- but no one has ignored you. I haven't ignored you-”

“BULLSHIT! That is bull-SHIT!” You scream before you even notice the words had left your mouth in the first place, “You would have said that before it that was the case! And even then- how the hell do you explain this entire shit show? How do you even dare to try and explain where the fuck ANY of you have been?! Because people can only be so ignorant and stupid until others begin to think it's intentional and you're doing it on god-damn purpose-!” Broken, harsh chuckles escape you - slipping in between your piercing words, ones so rough and dry that it scratches your throat just to let them out. The disbelief was heavy in each and every one of them, utterly devoid of any humor, and yet they were so unbelievably empty simultaneously.

You could feel your heart breaking even more, but you weren't the only one. Not that it mattered, as with each piece that was chipped off, you could only register the little sounds of you coming apart. Everything else was muffled, and almost completely blocked out. With your only focus being on him, on them.

“Just because something looks a certain way, doesn't mean that it's really like that. I told you, it isn't that easy. Like I said before- I haven't been avoiding you, let alone ignoring you! I wasn't trying to do anything like that-”

“It doesn't matter what you tried! What you're trying to do! Don't you see? What matters is what it felt like to me-”

“But you won’t let me change that! You won't let me try and change things- it’s like you want it to remain the same-!”

“YOU DON'T GET TO SAY WHAT I WANT! NOT AFTER THIS- NOT AFTER EVERYTHING! You don’t get to say shit like that- you don't know me! You don't know what I've been through-! So stop talking like you understand me!”

“But you won't let me in! You won't give me the chance to understand! How can I expect to know anything when you're giving me nothing to work with?!”

“How about you take a fucking hint, Grayson. Can't you read the room?! You're a cop for crying out loud! And was trained by the best detective the world has to offer- so it's not my fault you're acting like you're stupid!”

“You're not another case, Y/n! You're family, you’re my sibling! Not something that needs to be solved! Is it really so hard to just tell me anything and not push me away when I'm right here?!”

Your words catch in your throat momentarily, but you try to push past that and force something out, not caring if it was made of broken glass or venom. Yet, just as you go to speak, and the first letter escapes your lips – Dick finally breaks too.

“SHUT UP! Just Shut. Up. And ACTUALLY listen to me for one second! Please! For the love of-” Dick can't help but scoff, running a hand down his face, and covering his mouth with it.  Looking away as he does so, brows furrowing. 

He wants to say something, think of anything that he wants you to hear and understand clearly - but nothing comes to mind. Nothing you'd truly hear him out on, anyway. Nothing he's already mentioned to you. Nothing that would make this better. Even as he goes to try and say something, all that comes out is a mess of half finished words that he can't make comprehensible, especially not in a way that'll have you listen to him where you won't try to bite at him again.

So, he falls silent. You both do.

Your eyes widening at the sudden shout, before your gaze hardens and you glare at Dick through your tears and agony. His silence makes you angrier, but his loud response does shut you up momentarily.

“Well– fine, if you want me to be quiet so badly, then I'm leaving.” You manage to say after a moment, voice wavering and becoming weaker — now spent thanks to how you've been using it up until this point.

Still, your words immediately snap Dick out of whatever trance he was in, and cause his head to snap back in your direction, with his eyes locking onto you once again – though they widen a little before he tries to calm down, and take in one last breath. He scrambles to say anything, especially as he sees you turn to leave, and see your words through.

“W-wait, hold on, I-” he presses his lips into a thin line, thinking briefly before continuing, “Can I at least walk you home? It isn't safe-”

You pause in your movements, “No. Just-” you don't look back, you can't bring yourself to, but you do just barely glance over your shoulder – though not enough to actually see him again. Dick can't see your eyes anymore, but he can still see the tears streaming down your face. “Just leave me alone. All of you.”

Dick tries to reach out, to stop you one last time – but he hesitates, and just lets his hand fall back to his side. Instead, opting to watch you leave while he stands there, left hurt and alone. His eyes eventually find and land on the coffee you had left behind on the bench, and he finds himself staring at that once you're out of sight.

He has to hold back from running after you, and following - if only to just make sure that you'd reach your apartment in one piece - but he manages. It's the least he could do, after all, and besides, he doubts he'd be able to do that without making you hate him even more. He's gathered as much from all of this, and really - from the looks of things, he had a lot more to consider than he had originally thought. All of them did.

… It's only as you walk away and the distance between you and Dick grows bigger, with both of your words beginning to settle - that you both notice the clouds once light cries have turned into ugly sobs, with each tear being shed heavier than the last, thunder roaring and echoing in the distance, lightning striking the earth with a deafening clap. It was only then that both of you even noticed that the light drizzle from before had turned into pouring rain, and that there was more than just the two of you in the world. Something that felt heavier than it should’ve, but felt appropriate at the same time.

Regardless, you continue to walk away, and once again, never look back as you commit to your decision no matter what may happen afterwards, or the consequences that may follow. Just like that one day back in the manor, you move on and go on with your choice, just knowing what you want in that moment and seeing no reason to deny yourself — especially when you want the same thing you wanted that night, when you just want to get away. You don’t know what happened tonight, but all you knew is that you didn’t want to be a part of it anymore, so you just left, and maybe you would’ve felt a little grateful that Dick let you go if you had noticed to begin with – since your mind was more focused on just putting as much distance between you and him as possible.

Your phone vibrates in your pocket, and it’s only then that you remember that you still had it on you – not that you knew why you’d leave it anywhere or forget it, but it’s something you noticed nonetheless. You fish it out of your pocket as you walk, and wipe some of your tears away with the back of your hand, sniffling lightly as you check the notification. Jessica had left you a voicemail – several, actually. You couldn’t imagine why, but you didn’t try very hard to think of a reason, and instead just opened your phone to listen to it.

[“Hey, hun’, it’s been a while, you okay? If you don’t call in the next twelve hours or so then I’m calling the police- even if most of them are useless as hell, I know more of them will look, since they know who you are and all that. But I swear if that asshole did anything to you then he’s got another thing coming, and I know you don’t like to fight, but please, for the love of god, just sucker punch that creep in the face if you have to. He looks like he could use one, and an extra hard one at that.” She takes a moment to sigh, clearly frustrated - which her tone made very clear - but you could sense a little worry, “But, seriously. Just get back to me when you can, and you better be safe, alright? Listen to my other voice message if you haven’t already, talk to you soon, bye.”]

Just hearing Jessica’s voice made you feel a bit better, and some of what she said got a little laugh out of you. She always tried to look after you, and with what just happened – you couldn’t be more grateful for it.

So, you did as told, and listened to the other voice message she had left you, curious as to what she had wanted you to know about.

[“Hey, it’s Jess, darlin’. I hope you’re not still with that guy, but if you are then just remember what I told you, okay? Well, anyway, Cece came by, and is waiting for you in the diner, and barely awake at that. So just come by and pick them up, since- well, I’d send ‘em home on their own but honestly I doubt they’d be able to make it there themselves. I’m a little surprised they were even able to reach this place- but you get the jist. Come by, but if you’re still with that guy? I can wait, just hurry up because a girl’s gotta get her beauty sleep. See you, bye.”]

… Oh, well, guess you had to make a stop on your way home, then. You wanted nothing more than to curl up in your bed and just sleep, but it’s not like the walk to the diner was long anyway, and besides, it was on the way back to your apartment, so you couldn’t really complain.

With that, you made a turn and headed towards the diner. Still processing and taking in everything as you do so — but when you feel more tears begin to well up, you push it to the side, and tell yourself that you’ll handle it later. No matter how short or long that interaction was, it drained you, and you desperately needed rest. Maybe it wasn’t the most healthy decision to make, but you couldn’t handle doing anything else right now, so it’d have to wait. Besides, with how tonight went, you definitely didn’t want to think about Dick and the others at the moment – they didn’t deserve it, anyway.

Thankfully, you reached the diner in no time, and it’s only when Jessica stops you at the door do you even realize that your soaked… which makes sense but you feel a little embarrassed when she points it out nonetheless, and says how she loves you but doesn’t want to have to clean the floor again when her shift has been over for about a half hour. Cece was sitting at the counter, and perks up when you enter, giving a sleepy smile before standing up and making their way over to you. Both of you thank Jessica as you take your leave – but not before you wish her a good night and say your usual goodbyes, even if she does make a point about how you and her will talk later. Hell, she even sneaks in how you almost looked like her after her breakup with Michael which… ouch, you can only imagine how awful you really look if that was the case – but it also only fully confirmed that you were talking to her about what happened no matter what.

Still, you were grateful that she left it at that, and didn’t pry anymore as she finally let you and Cece go home. The walk to the apartment – or, rather, the short run there – since you and Cece ended up sharing their jacket as cover from the rain, and they had a funny idea as you both held it over your heads, and… well, one thing led to another – and it's safe to say it turned out to be rather eventful. Ending with you and Cece laughing in front of your apartment building once you reached it, huddled in front of the small entrance – Cece ending up being partially soaked despite their best efforts, and of course, you’re beyond drenched.

Once you reach your shared home, Cece, despite barely being awake, basically shoves you into the shower once you're both a little more settled, and you just do as told – more than a little tired yourself in numerous ways, and definitely not in the mood to argue. When you’re clean and in a new set of clothes, you and Cece talk a little. They try to ask why you had been out, but you just say you ran into someone – though it wasn’t anyone important, and that it wasn’t something to worry about — with them just accepting that answer, much to your relief.

The rest of the evening becomes a bit of a blur after that, with you and Cece just talking some more here and there, sharing a few laughs that really helped brighten your mood and made you forget all about what had happened. The pain becomes dull, and that bright fire in your chest finally dies out - leaving behind a warmth that wasn’t burning or suffocating, but instead comforting and painless. One you welcomed graciously and with open arms as you felt yourself relax more and more.

Eventually, Cece turned in for the night, and as they headed back into their room, you did one last check of the apartment — making sure all the windows were not only locked, but that the curtains were closed. Going as far as to check the front door a few times just to make sure that it was really locked. Even if none of what you did would really stop any of them from getting in - it put your mind at ease a little, and really, that’s all you could hope for.

With that, you finally settled into bed, and fell asleep faster than you had in years.

For once, you hoped you’d never wake up as your worries and fears felt so far away, and reality was out of reach – even if it laid just beyond your closed eyelids. As much as you hoped for a better morning, more than anything, you hoped that you’d just sleep the week away if you could help it. God knows you needed the rest, or at least it felt like you did.

—----------

Dick had no such luxury.

The night became a blur after you had left, and he barely remembers even meeting up with the rest of the family once everything was said and done. He couldn’t tell how long he had been standing in that park all by himself, thinking of everything you had told him and looking at the little pieces of your existence that still remained behind.

All he knows is one thing led to another, and now he’s here – sitting on top of a roof with everyone else both simultaneously chastising him and trying to discuss what they should do now. Though Dick couldn’t bring himself to pay attention, since the events that had unfolded moments prior replayed in his mind like a broken record, torturing him slowly as his brain reminded him of all of the mistakes he’s made tonight. He can’t understand why he said half of what he did, especially because he didn’t mean it. He didn’t mean to blow up like he did – especially in front of you, and when you were clearly hurting and frustrated on top of that. The only thing Dick wanted to do in that moment was stop both of you from arguing, and it seems that his mouth ran off to do just that before he could think of a better way to do it. Now leaving him like this, and things worse off than they were before.

Point is, Dick felt like shit, and he knew he deserved it. Though the rest of the family definitely weren’t helping him out in that regard.

“How the hell did you even fuck this up, Dick?” Jason asks, his tone so heated it sounds like it could’ve come from the depths of hell itself – and all just to burn his older brother.

“I knew I should’ve gone instead, this would’ve never happened-” Tim can’t help but mumble to himself, arms crossed as he sighs, frustrated – but not completely at Dick. If there was a moment for him to really believe he should’ve kept your address and apartment number to himself, it was definitely now.

“Wait- so… what do we do now?” Stephanie asks, concerned over what happened, and that Dick hasn’t really said anything about it to them – even if all of them can tell it went poorly.

Damian just sighs, his arms crossed as well as he looks at Dick before looking to the others, “Take matters into our own hands, obviously.”

“While I agree that something should be done, is it really a good idea to act now?” Barbara pitches in, not entirely sure of what Damian was talking about, but not liking the implications of it all the same. Something about it just didn’t feel right to her, nor did the look he gave her.

“Of course. Now that they’re presumably heading to their apartment, we can just-” before Damian can finish what he was going to say, Cassandra covers his mouth, cutting him off swiftly which annoys the little Robin enough to shove her hand away and give her a scrutinizing look, “what?”

Cassandra just shakes her head, and instead begins to sign something, basically saying how they don’t know if you're even at your apartment, and by the time they find out where you actually are, it’ll probably be morning. Even mentioning how since you know that they know where you live, you probably wouldn’t even be there anymore. Which just causes Damian to huff in response. She had a point, and he knew it, but he wasn’t going to admit it out loud.

Still, despite that Jason spoke up again, “Actually, I agree with the little twerp. Now’s a good a time as any to get them home.”

“... You can't be serious, right?” Barbara asks, now getting a little concerned over what Jason meant as well, and the half-shrug he gave did little to reassure her or calm her nerves that were slowly beginning to rise.

“Why not? They’re still out there doing god knows what- who knows where in the dead of night,” he points out, giving Barbara a little glance, “it anything, I just see more of a reason to get them before anything else happens.”

“Jason, do you even hear yourself right now.”

“What? Is it a crime to be worried for my god damn family now?”

“Jason.” Bruce’s voice pierces through the air, cutting through the tension before anyone else can speak up or give their two cents. Almost as if just his voice alone was enough of a barrier between those who wanted to get you home, those that didn’t, and the few who didn’t know where they stood at the moment. 

Regardless, it’s enough for Jason to stand down, if only temporarily as Bruce turns to Dick – who’s still out of it, and staring at the ground just before his feet.

“Dick,” Bruce calls out, which only gets him a subtle glance, with Dick not even bothering to pick up his head – or maybe he just couldn’t, no one could tell except for the one person among them who was much too fluent in body language. “What do you think?” He asks simply, narrowing his eyes a little when his eldest son grows quieter somehow.

Dick fidgets with the coffee cup in his hands, its warmth long gone, and yet he still runs a finger or two along the side as if it was still there. He doesn’t know why he grabbed it, but now he almost couldn’t find it in himself to let it go. It was yours, after all, if only for a brief moment – and even if all it did was serve as a reminder of his faults, it reminded him of you, and right now? That’s all he could ask for. Dick can’t explain it, but it’s like by holding the cup and having it with him, he had a small part of you with him. Since, sure, while you had left it during your… ‘dispute’ with him, it had come from a place you liked and he could only assume that it was just how you liked your coffee. It was silly, but holding it made him feel close to you, and that’s all he wanted at the moment. To be close.

… It takes him a beat or two before he responds, and even then he seems unsure of himself – but remembering what had transpired minutes ago is enough to set his mind straight.

“I think… we should give them some time, and… a bit of space too for a while.” Dick manages to say hesitantly, tapping the cup lightly as he still holds onto it.

That seemed to quiet everyone down for a moment, until Stephanie eventually asks the question on everyone’s mind.

“Just how badly did things go, Dick?”

He couldn’t answer that, he didn’t want to, so he remained silent. However, Cassandra could tell, and found herself just as divided as she felt the moment she first saw him. She didn’t know what she wanted to do more – throw Dick off the roof, or go looking for you herself. Maybe she’d try to do both if Bruce wasn’t right there. 

“So, what? Do they hate us now or something?” Jason says sarcastically, but with how Dick tenses a little his tone turns harsher, “... You can’t be serious.”

“Dick- please tell me you didn’t screw things up that badly. Please tell me that you didn’t make things worse!” Tim almost begs, desperate to be wrong and hoping that his eldest brother hadn’t made things worse – that there was still a small chance.

Sure, they didn’t expect things to go great, but none of them really believed that they would go so horribly!

“Look, just-” Dick takes a short breath, looking at the cup in his hands in quiet defeat before glancing away, “I think we should give them some time to themself is all.”

Jason can only scoff as he crosses his arms, “I knew I should’ve gone instead, they would’ve been home right now.”

“I believe me and father would’ve handled the situation much better,” Damian states, as if it would lead to the only positive outcome should he and Bruce had gone instead.

“I knew I should’ve kept my mouth shut and just gone over by myself- stupid! Stupid! Stupid!” Tim curses under his breath, looking away as he continues to mumble to himself – expression growing increasingly darker and the air around him shifting into… something indescribable.

Cassandra seemed just about ready to rip something apart, and Stephanie was getting nervous from how the others seemed to be reacting, only able to stutter out a small, “G- guys? Maybe we shouldn’t be talking about this right now-”

“I agree…” Barbara chips in, her own concerns only growing as she looks at the family, but tries to help Stephanie out nonetheless, “What’s done is done, and we should be trying to figure out what to do from here on out.”

Damian scoffs, “Right, like that will be easy with brother being silent about everything.” Dick could only look away in response, taking a small sip of the coffee in his hands, finding a little bit of comfort in its taste. It was cold, and wasn’t how he usually got his done – but it’s how you liked it, and that was enough from him to like it too.

A small argument seemed to spawn from that alone, with some now going back and forth yet again on what to do – Cassandra, Jason, and Damian pretty adamant about wanting to bring you home, with Barbara, Stephanie, and Dick more keen on waiting and giving you space — even if Dick was definitely more quiet about his stance, still thinking about… whatever was on his mind. Tim didn’t seem to engage much in the arguing either, and instead seemed to be dealing with his own thing as he kept mumbling to himself, leaving Bruce to be stuck listening to all of the nonsense until he finally got fed up with it.

“Quiet down, all of you.” He states firmly, voice cold and harsh as he shuts everyone up without even moving an inch. His eyes seemed to judge all of them as he looked at everything before sighing, and making the decision for everyone.

“We’ll give them time, and stand down for now.” He says, his tone alone indicating that there would be no arguing on this. What he said was final, and everyone would be smart to follow along with it, no matter where they stood. Still, he turned to look down at the city, and caught the faintest glimpse of your apartment building in the not-so-far distance. “but if anything happens, then we’ll act accordingly.”

[haveyouseenthisskeleton]

During a family diner, S/O's big brother (who looks actually really strong and is very tall) waits for S/O to be out of the room to threaten the UT characters of breaking both their knees if they dare to hurt them. How do they react?

Undertale Sans - He doesn't look away. Sans is not a big fan of being threatened for nothing. He deflects the tension with some humor, but his S/O can tell something is weird when they're coming back. Sans is also a lot more cold with your brother after that. If he started warming up a bit, that's clearly over by now. He's a big brother too, he knows it can be scary to let a sibling go, but being violent right away instead of talking and learning to know him won't solve the situation.

Undertale Papyrus - Papyrus doesn't mind. Sans is protective around him too sometimes, but he knows it's just because he's scared. He puts his two hands on the shoulders of your brother and tells him that's ok to be scared and not want to let go, but also that his S/O is a fully grown adult who can make their own choices and that instead of threatening him, he should probably show his S/O they trust him a little more than that. If he can comfort your brother though, he told the exact same thing to his own brother not a week earlier. He can deal with big brothers, they're not so scary. He needs to deal with his anger issues though.

Undertale Toriel - She takes these matters really seriously actually and promises with all her heart that she will never hurt you willingly. She understands the worry of her S/O's brother, as it is hard to let someone you love go with someone you never met before, but she can assure him she is taking their relationship seriously and will do all she can for it to last long.

Undertale Asgore - Asgore stares at your brother with big wide terrified eyes. Oh no. That's the family dinner with Toriel's father repeating all over again. That's fine though. He was a young man at that time, he can deal with it better now that he lived a few centuries. He opens his mouth to answer and the only thing that comes out is a pitiful whimper. ... Asgore stands up in complete silence, awkwardly, and runs to wait for you behind the door of the bathroom lmao.

Undertale Undyne - Wants to say that again to her face, punk? You think you're scaring her? You think she doesn't eat ten little soldiers who already see themselves as generals every morning for breakfast? Your brother tries to impress her by standing tall above her. Undyne stands up to stare him down herself. Yeah, she's taller than you, now what? Are you done trying to look big and scary or do you want her to headbutt you to remind you she doesn't need your opinion?

Undertale Alphys - She gulps, flattened against her seat. Great job, Alphys is quite literally TERRIFIED right now. She doesn't answer anything, looking at her feet intensely. Anything to not meet your brother's eyes. When you come back, Alphys brings her seat a little closer to you and far, far, FAAAAAAR away from your brother. She doesn't like him a lot.

Undertale Frisk - The problem with Frisk is that they don't give a shit. After your brother's long tirade, Frisk stays silent for a good ten seconds and just *FLIRT. Your brother is just mad now and you come back to him and Frisk fighting in the living room. And by fighting I mean your brother tries all he can to hit Frisk in the face while Frisk simply dodges the attack, waving at you with a big smile, not bothered at all.

Undertale Chara - Chara looks your brother up and down, smirks, and goes back to ignore him. Your brother is offended. Chara doesn't care though. Even though he attacks them, they can just load to dodge them and make him look like a perfect idiot. They won't be condescending to his level.

Undertale Mettaton - Sorry, he didn't listen to anything you said. Those dramatically angry eyes though... They could look so cool in his next drama movie. He tells your brother he has a pretty face and that's a shame he's wasting it whining like a baby instead of having ambition to do greater things. Well, your brother tries to hit him but he regrets him when he realizes that hitting metal hurt him more than Mettaton.

Undertale Gaster - Gaster doesn't say anything, but it doesn't take a genius to notice he's insulting your brother with really creative insults inside of his head. Who do you think you're talking to? What did you achieve in your life even? At least people will remember his name long after he died unlike you. Did you create the CORE? Of course not, because HE created the CORE. He's a genius and you're nothing but a tiny arrogant little pathetic human. Nah.

Undertale Grillby - Grillby gives the silent treatment to your brother. He's not impressed and he doesn't even has knees as his body is made of gas and magic. I mean, you could kick him in the knees but you would be the one burning yourself and that would pretty much not change anything for him. He could tell your brother that, but that's a lot of words and he's tired. He can tell anyway that your brother is all bark and no bite, so who cares.

Undertale Muffet - Oh yeah? She lifts one finger and thousands of little spiders starts to crawl down the wall and up your brother. You come back to Muffet sipping tea, looking very satisfied, while your brother is screaming at the top of his lungs trying to escape the tsunami of spiders very slowly crawling up his legs under his pants. Well, at least, everyone knows who is scared of who now.

Undertale Burgerpants - Poor guy just lets a long, long sigh as your brother threatens him. Man, do whatever you want to him. He went through hell already, nothing can hurt him anymore. You think he's afraid of a little hit in the knees? Man, he already almost lost both his legs into a fake guillotine that was actually a real one once. You can't hurt him if the world already hurt him so much he doesn't feel anything. Now your brother is just concerned.

Undertale Flowey - Wait, are you threatening him for real? Flowey starts to laugh evilly, then summons a hundred friendliness pellets. RUN NOW. Your brother has to run for his life as Flowey chases him with dangerous pellets, laughing like a maniac. Well. At least they're sort of bonding?

Undertale Gerson - He patiently waits for your brother to finish. Then just "Listen kid, you look nice and all but if you should talk louder because I didn't get a word you just said". Your brother rage quits the dinner lol. What? Not his fault, he's old!

[icebluebird-berry]

Blue comfort

Lorenzo x reader

A/N: this is my first fanfic to write ever so ,sorry for the mistakes ,and English isn't my first language i hope you like it i had a lot of ideas for this but ended up making it short ,but i will try to edit it later ,just tell me what you think about it

 ･ ⋆ ･ ⠄⠂⋆ ･ ⠄⠂⋆ ･ ⠄⠂⋆ ･ ⠄⠂⋆ ･ ⠄⠂⋆ ･ ⋆

sitting by the black lake alone wasn't unusual thing for me ,

I hide there more often to clear my mind from the heavy day I had been through .

I never thought I would feel cold or lost in Hogwarts ,it always felt like home to me ,to all of us ,but nothing felt the same since the war against the dark lord had started .

Everyone was at their limit of breaking and the tension was unbearable ,which led to a lot of arguments between our group of friends  , and not just the little sibling-like argument ,they said things that they knew it hurts the most , and I did too.

I clutched my knees closer to me trying to hide my teary face from the freezing air that hit me like ice .

I looked at the water before me. The moon's reflection was beautiful.

 I lifted my gaze to the moon. It was a peaceful December night , except for the storm going through my head .

I let out a heavy sigh and turned my gaze back to the lake , but I didn't expect to see a pair of shining blue eyes .

i didn't notice the yelp that came out of my mouth til his head disappeared quickly in the water “wait..,don't go...” i sighed and mumbled to myself “well ,now i scared him away “

suddenly a head popped out of the water , it's the same siren eyes from a moment ago .

“you. don’t.  scare. me. human.”

“Oh?” i looked at him, head tilted curiously

“Are you a…merman?” i asked quite confused and curious at the creature in front of me ,

His face looked a little human to me but he had sharp eyes with narrowed pupils that almost looked like cats ,he had beautiful scales over the cheek bone . 

“yes”he moved a little closer to me “why were you crying?, human”

The question took me off guard .But it's not like this fish is going to scream it on top of the astronomy tower.

“Well it turns out that my so-called friends are scared of me," I said softly with a bitter smile ,fighting tears for countless time today .

“You dumb human, why would anyone be scared of you? “he chuckled softly obviously trying to lighten the mood 

“it doesn't matter i don't wanna remember it “he looked at me carefully and then brought his palm to his mouth and started blowing in it .

The first thing that caught my attention was his hand ,his fingers were almost connected by a thin layer of skin ,the scales over his hand shined under the moonlight .

I read about merpeople a few times but i never saw them this close before.

suddenly a big bubble formed in his palm ,i was looking at it like a little child ,he moved it closer to me , and…

POP 

he just popped it in my face .

“what was that “i chuckled looking at him to see him with a soft smile on his face he seems satisfied to lightening my mood 

I felt my heart flatter at his affectionate action .

“wanna show you something” 

I looked at him confused ,but he didn't give me time for that as he suddenly pulled me deep in the water .

I hold on to his hand for dear life. I was shocked but I didn't mind. There was some kind of comfort in the water ,and the smile on his face was soft and comforting too.

as he got deeper in the water I felt my lungs tighten .

I tapped hurriedly on his arm as my head started to get a little dizzy.

he looked at me and titled his head in confusion.

his hands cupped my cheeks tenderly and I felt his soft lips on mine .

I stiffened ,absolutely didn't expect the sudden action from him .

 I felt like he was literally taking my breath ,my face tingling ,when he pulled away he looked so focused on my face ,I felt as if something burned my cheek bones , I could breathe ,it felt different but not choking anymore .

I touched it gently. It was similar to what he had over his delicate face too.

“Now you can be here longer” his voice sounded deep but enchanting .

he swam deeper to a little cave , it was dark but it seems that his little kiss worked on my vision too .

“this is my home , i hear humans sometimes from here “i shifted my gaze to where he was pointing .

The cave looked beautiful ,not very charming. We were in the deep of the dark lake after all ,but it was still beautiful .

A little seashells was stocked in a corner with a bunch of other stuff that looked like he was collecting them.

We talked for what felt like hours but it was only one. I started to wander through the lake water , I looked deeper a little far from where his cave was to see what looked like glass.

“Is that.., the Slytherin common room?” It was more of a statement than a question .

“i didn't know that is what you call it ,but i knew it was where they go to sleep”

“yes ,and study too”

“i like it ”

i chuckled “ you're probably the first person who likes anything about slytherin “

“i am not a person, and i like you  “

I don't know if my cheeks could burn under these dark waters but they did .

“i think i should go before professor snape brew me in a potion once he finds me out of the castle “i laughed awkwardly .

“yeah sure”

He took my hand gently and swam us out.

I sat on the ground catching my breath , i looked in his siren eyes again and smiled 

“thank you ,for cheering me up”

“Here I wanted to give you this “ he opened his palm to reveal a beautiful black pearl.

“It's so pretty," I whispered, adoring his little gift.

i leaned forward kissing his cheek gently 

“good night enzo ,will see you later”

“Good night,”

[sunny-mercya]

Felicem Natalem Diem

Nozel Silva x Male Reader

Fandom -> Black Clover

Birthday Request for –> @reallyromealone

Masterlist

Nozel sighed deeply through his nose, pinching the bridge. The paperwork keeps staging and staging, towering dangerously on the desk. Doesn't matter if he starts with it early in the mornings, without taking any (necessary) breaks, at the end of the day it still would be the endless amount of papers to sign.

It was tempting to continue but Nozel really shouldn't and couldn't. Not on this special day. Another sigh left his lips as he stood up, moving his shoulders a bit, to get some tension lose.

Nozel walked out, through the corridors and to the kitchen. Nodding at Servants and head-chief.

«My Lord, what pleasure can I do for you?»

«I know it's almost lunch, but I want you to make a small breakfast. Something simple would be enough. No lunch today, tea time is enough and dinner at around 9.»

«As you wish. Any other wishes, my lord?»

«Yes. Make tonights dinner as grand as possible! Every dish my prince has comment to like and love.

~~~

The first thing Nozel did, when entered the bedroom, was to place down the tray—with a simpleton breakfast, consisting of scrambled eggs, bacon, pancakes and a glass of Tea—onto the nightstand and taking a seat next to his beloved. You.

Nozel admits the sight before him. How you laid in bed, curled into the heavy blankets—even when it was amidst summer and the heat almost unbearable on some days—still sleeping peacefully, snoring ever so slightly.

Nozel, mindful and gentle, leaned over you. One arm next to your head, supporting his weight, as the other drove through your hair. Prepping your face with kisses and lingers a moment longer on your lips.

«It's time to wake up, love.» a low whisper he did near your ear, blowing a hot breath around it. You stirred just a bit and Nozel gave you another prep of kisses. If no one was to come to wake you up, you would sleep till late noon and Nozel wasn't gonna have that. Not today, not on your special day. Your birthday.

Another raspberry of hot breath he blew towards your ear and this time you awoke fully. Blinking owlish at your husband. Smiling upon him as he gave you another peck on the side of your lips.

«You shouldn't be sleeping in, love. It is almost lunch time and there is a lot to do today.»

«Sleep is good, it's nice and comfy...» you mumbled out as a answer. Mind still in a slight haze of blissful sleep.

Rubbing your eyes and stretching your body, you sat up on the bed, against the headboard. Nozel craws over you, sitting next to you. Reaching over you, he took the tray off the nightstand and places it on your lap. Taking you into his arms.

«Didn't you said we had lunch already?» you asked confused, but begun to eat anyways.

«Indeed. But since it's your birthday, we will have a slight differ eating schedule.»

«Aah! Yes it is, it is, but you have to eat too! I Can't eat this big breakfast alone,»

A big breakfast? Huh, Nozel only saw 3 Pancakes and that bit of bacon and scrambled eggs, couldn't be called big. Though he did, to please you, took bites of it. Even let you feed him.

~~~

Tea time was normal held in the garden. Considering the heat though, this time it took place in the grand ballroom.

Nozel sat still, letting you braid flowers into his hair while you talked about how adorable your nieces and nephews were the other day and how the amounts of presents and flowers you had received today, glaring at his younger siblings—who aren't even hiding their amusement of how smitten and soft Nozel has become.

Perhaps, being promised one another since birth and actually together for whole 20 years, does that to everybody. Getting more softer within the ages.

«I think that's enough with flowers [Name.]»

You hummed at your Husband, sitting down next to him and taking some sips of your Tea. For a outsider, someone who wouldn't be close to the family, would thought Nozel was rude. His voice always so monotonous and server, but you—after all these years—knew how Nozel means it.

«When will I get your present?»

«Tonight. I feared after all these years, I wouldn't find anything for you anymore. But I did.»

~~~

The Wedding day, Eve's night, Nozel and yours birthdays were the only dates throughout the years which makes you regret eating instantly. It was always a grand feast, making you stuffed and full to the brim. Bloating you would feel and it took some hours till you felt like not throwing up.

You laid in bed, hands on your stomach. Tonights dinner was grandiose grand as always and now all you want is to sleep.

«Close your eyes.» you did as Nozel told you, pulling you up into a sitting. You felt his hands around your neck, something cold leaning against your skin. When Nozel told you to open them again, you looked down. Gasping in aww.

«Noz! It's so beautiful!»

Nozel had gifted you a necklace. A pure silver one with a single [F.Colour] Gem stone in it. A slight shimmer of silverness in it.

«I know you have enough jewellery already. Though when Noelle showed me the Gem, I knew of what it reminds me. You.»

The kiss you gave Nozel, took him by surprise. You could be bold, dominant even, if you wanted—if he feels like letting you—sure. This kiss though, feels so much of passion and underlying want of lust—not pure feral lust, but the one filled with love.

Nozel smirked against your lips, hands on your hips, pulling you against him. He returned the kiss, taking the lead.

«How about I show you, just how beautiful I find you.» a whisper against your lips and night filled with love.

[madameevil]

Protagonists & Failures (Dragon Age)

Originally, I started writing this as a reblog to another post complaining about how Rook isn't anyone special but then it quickly became something else.

I realized something while typing my response out to that. The two games that are hated the most within the fandom (DA: 2 & DA:TV) have the protagonists experience failure repeatedly as key parts within their story. I think that's no coincidence.

Let's look at when the games either force you to accept/face failure or provides you a non-game over failure state that you don't purposefully choose. I'll focus on the main questlines & companion questlines because I don't have time to break down every side quest in all the games. I also won't count purposeful choices made by the player as failures. Consequences sure, but a player driven choice to kill or save someone doesn't count. You made that choice knowing the consequences. That's not a failure you're forced to face. Hopefully that clarifies everything.

Spoiler warning for all games below cut.

Dragon Age: Origins

Prologue: Regardless of which origin you choose, your Hero of Fereldan (HoF) suffers a loss or failure that forces you to join the Wardens.

Ostagar: Regardless of your choices, you are forced to accept the failure at Ostagar.

...

Every other instance, you are successful. You are successful in recruiting the Dalish, handling the problem at the Mage Circle, handling the dwarven problem, handling the Redcliffe problem. There are different ways to address these problems which lead to different sacrifices but those are all choices the player knowingly makes and in the end you are still successful in your goal. You gain an ally for the fight. That's your goal. Each time you gain one.

The entire game is just travel around to get allies. Ally has their own problem that is somehow more important than the blight. Resolve said problem: gain ally. That's it. That's the formula. (Don't get me wrong I love DA:Origins but mostly for the companions.)

In the end, even if there is a loss associated with it, you are victorious. You kill the Archdemon. You save Fereldan.

Dragon Age: II (2)

Prologue (conditional): You fail to protect a sibling.

Expedition (conditional): Your choice put your other sibling in danger. You lose them either through death or the Wardens. You also fail to gain any of the items you initially went down there for.

Qunari Mage: You fail to give him freedom. Even if you defend against the other Qunari, they still kill themself.

Mother: Hawke fails to protect the last family member who's present in their life.

Qunari: Hawke fails to resolve things peacefully before they attack the city. You fail (conditional) at judging your companion, Isabela.

Dalish Clan: You fail to save the Keeper of the clan. You fail (conditional) to keep Merril's clan alive.

Mage v. Templar: You fail to resolve tensions. You fail to stop things from escalating. You fail at judging your companion, Anders and you failed to stop him. You fail to save the circle as the First Enchanter uses blood magic. You fail to stop the Knight Commander from succumbing to the relic. The relic you found. The relic you failed to recover.

DLC Legacy: YOU unleash the evil and YOU fail to kill it.

...

Hawke's story is a tragedy. They struggle and struggle to just simply survive and hold on to those close to them only to fail repeatedly. At the end, no matter who you support, you're forced to flee Kirkwall. There's no celebration. There's no party. The ending scene as the Knight Commander is petrified isn't happy. It's not joyous. No matter what your relations were with your companions, you're forced apart (except your lover). DA: 2 requires you to face failure and loss at every turn in the story.

Dragon Age: Inquisition

Haven: You fail to fend off the attack on Haven forcing you to retreat and end up at Skyhold.

Halam Shiral: You can fail here if you get kicked out or fail to gather the evidence you need.

Trespasser DLC: You fail to stop or convince Solas.

...

Otherwise, you are victorious at every turn. You outmaneuver Corypheus so badly that he's the one who's constantly moving to a fallback plan. Dude is on plan Z by the time you finally finish him, I swear. After Haven, you consistently have the upper hand and win against him pushing him into a corner.

There are times when you are forced to make a tough choice like with Bull's Chargers or with Hawke & the fade, however, each time you are making a conscious choice on the matter. The story doesn't force you to face these as "failures" they're just difficult choices to make and that's an important distinction. It's not framed as "you failed to save the chargers" it's framed as "you sacrificed the chargers when you didn't have to." It's not "you failed to escape the fade" it's framed as "you sacrificed Hawke/Stroud/Alistair to escape" Either way you aren't blamed for it. Varric may be hurt if you leave Hawke, yes, but even he doesn't blame you for it. He doesn't grow angry with you. He's just upset. He knows it was Hawke's choice to remain.

Dragon Age: The Veilguard

This game is all about little wins. Neve points that out in her story. Failure here usually has a small win associated with it.

Backstory: Rook fails at (or screws up) something.

But you did end up with Varric because of it.

Ritual: Rook fails to protect the team. Rook fails to protect the world by unleashing worse threats.

But you did successfully stop Solas's ritual

Davrin Recruit: Rook fails to save the griffons.

City Choice: Rook fails to save a city. Rook fails to kill the dragon. This one I'm including because Rook is blamed by both companions and NPCs for it. It's also framed in a way where you truly believe your other companions and faction can help the city just as much as you can the other, but you fail to factor in the dagger. The dagger is the only reason that dragon lands. It's the only reason you can stop it from attacking the city and focus on you instead.

You at least saved one city and injured a dragon.

Weißhaupt: Rook fails to save Weißhaupt. Rook's plan fails at killing Gil.

But you did kill her archdemon.

Blighted Dragons: Fails to kill Gil again.

But you did kill her dragons

Elgernan's Eclipse: Fails to stop him from summoning his arch demon. Fails to stop them crafting the dagger.

But you did save the hostages

Island: Fails to protect the team. Fails to see Solas's betrayal.

But you did kill Gil.

Then if we look at the companion quests we see even more...

We fail to capture the venatori in the relic case because the system is corrupt.

We fail to give Lucanis closure with Zara because Illario.

We fail to save Taash's mom.

We fail to stop Hekenkoss so Manfred has to.

And the every time we fail to kill the gods or fail to stop their plans, more of the South falls. We lose territory. We lose a faction. We lose companions.

...

Failure is a prominent occurrence in DA:TV for a few reasons.

Rook isn't anyone special. Rook isn't the only one who can end a blight. Rook isn't blessed with a magic hand that can fix the tears in reality. Rook is just a person who Varric happened upon. They're just someone who is struggling at every turn.

Rook must experience failure to feel regret. Rook must feel regret to be manipulated by Solas. All these failures accumulate to the prison swap. There you're forced to face them. You're forced to acknowledge that you failed, but you had little victories along the way too and sometimes that's all you need (thanks Neve). Also because regret is a MAJOR theme in the game among Solas and your companions.

EITHERWAY this leads to an almost inverse of how Inquisition felt. In Inquisition we were outplaying the antagonist. This time the antagonists are outplaying us. We're the ones struggling to find a next move. We're the ones struggling to think of another plan. On top of that, blame is cast on Rook multiple times by NPCs and their own companions.

So what's the point?

People don't like to experience failure. They don't like to be told they failed. They don't like to be told "you weren't strong enough." or "you did everything you could, but in the end it wasn't enough." It doesn't feel good to be powerless and that's what Rook is for a lot of the story. It's also what Hawke is for a lot of DA:2.

I think a lot of people don't know how to process feeling powerless in the game. Their thoughts follow the same pattern of regret: "if only I did X" or "if only I was stronger/better."

In reality there's a lot of anger that follows; either towards oneself or anything else you can cast blame on. In a game, it's much easier to cast blame on the developers and say "If only you did X" or "if only you made the PC stronger/better", "If only you wrote it differently.", "If only you gave me different dialogue options."

But I think feeling that way is the point. You are supposed to feel powerless. You are supposed to feel like no matter how much you struggled, it was helpless at times. It plays right into the core theme of the game. Unfortunately, I think that doesn't sit well with a lot of people.

I think asking a gamer to feel powerless in a video game always leads to people feeling uncomfortable. That uncomfortable feeling leads to hate or a dislike of the game. "Power Fantasy" is a real concept in games and when it's broken there are consequences to it. However, I do think that breaking it deserves to be explored and utilized within narratives. Breaking it at the right moment is after all a key step in The Hero's Journey.

Anyway! My ramblings have concluded. If I missed some crucial moment or rambled too hard and lost the point, let me know. If you're polite I'll probably respond.

[hibiscusheir]

Mike Schmidt x Reader (Part 1)

a/n: ... i will not be explaining why I was gone for so long but thank you to those who stuck around even tho I was on an unannounced hiatus. i will try to get to what's in my inbox but at the moment, I'm finishing up my first semester of this year and my finals are literally in two days adkjhewiasdfkj

c/w: all hurt no comfort :), breakups, cursing, fighting, abby's got trauma from her parents being gone so this is rly sad for her-, there's blood in one part, there's sickness in one part, I forgot what nights had what happen but hey it doesn't rly matter all that much-

Out of all the babysitters Abby had had in her life, you were her favorite. You tried to connect with her and supported her when she needed it. You also got along well with Mike, which was a bonus.

It wasn’t until a few months after the first time you and Abby met that you and Mike formed a romantic relationship. You truly loved him, and he was infatuated with you. It was you three against the world, like a little family. More so than it already was with the two siblings. 

Abby enjoyed having you around all the time, instead of just when she needed a babysitter. You acted like her mom, which filled the hole in her heart that had formed when both of her parents had died. Mike did his best to be a good guardian for her, but you just felt like a mom. She thought you and Mike would get married right away from how much you loved each other. For being ten years old, she was observant.

Everything came crashing down when you and Mike had called her into the living room for a conversation. Those weren’t ever good, so she was apprehensive. She swore she could hear her heart shattering when you said, ' We’re breaking up.’ What? Why would you guys do that? You were supposed to be together forever, that’s what Mike had said! You two had promised to love her forever!

“It’s the best decision for what’s going on right now, Abby,” Mike had tried to soften the blow of this news, but it was futile. Abby felt like she had been stabbed in the back, that much was apparent.

Abby had stood up and glared at her older brother. “No! You- you’re supposed to be together forever! You promised! You-” she sputtered, trying to think of something else to say. Her emotions took over and she said something she never meant. “I hate you!” She shouted and ran to her room, slamming the door behind her. You could still see the look of betrayal engraved on her face, and the look of shock and guilt on Mike’s.

Once that bedroom door was closed, Abby pounced on her bed and wrapped her blankets around her figure as tight as possible. The tears came quickly and plenty, falling onto her shirt, pillow, and stuffed animal that she had practically glued to her chest. How could you do this to her? She had already lost both her parents, she had no friends (well, save for the ones only she could see), and- and you both had promised!! That had been her main issue: you two had promised to be with her forever. Now you and Mike weren’t going to want to talk to each other, and you were going to leave, and you weren’t going to want to babysit her anymore, and she was going to lose her favorite babysitter, and- and-

She could hardly breathe with how much she had been crying. Her throat and chest hurt, but the sobs wouldn’t cease. She had laid there, curled up under her covers, with hot, angry tears staining her youthful cheeks, for what felt like hours. Maybe it had been hours, she couldn’t tell. Time didn’t matter to her. All that mattered was that she hated Mike a lot at that moment. A lot a lot.

You and Mike, still sitting in the living room, glanced over at each other. There was guilt present in both of you, but neither one of you said anything. What was there to be said? It wasn’t going to work out at this moment in time was what you had said. “...I’m… gonna call that guy back. For the night job.” Mike had broken the tension-filled silence, albeit awkwardly. He looked over at you hesitantly. “Would you still be able to watch Abby?” he had braced himself for your answer. No, why would I watch my ex’s sister? I never want to see you again, was what he had convinced himself you would’ve said. You had to have hated him. He had broken up with you… right? Or was it you who had brought it up? Maybe it was mutual? He didn’t know.

“Yeah,” you had given him a small nod. “I can still watch her.”

That was three weeks ago. It had taken a little while for all the paperwork to get done, but now, Mike was employed as a nightguard at Freddy Fazbear’s Pizzeria. It didn’t pay well, and the hours were shit, but it was something.

You came over almost every night to watch Abby, a smile plastered on your face every time you saw her. Although she had recovered from the breakup announcement, it had put a dent in your guys’ relationship. She spent all her time in her room, drawing and talking to her imaginary friends. This behavior, although previously normal, was becoming alarming, as it was never this frequent. You had tried everything to get her to talk to you: starting conversations, waiting for her to come to you, bribery, et cetera. Nothing worked.

It was about eleven PM when you got to the Schmidt household, your overnight bag slung over your shoulder. You, per usual, opened the door and called out for the young girl. “Abby, I’m here!” You weren’t surprised to see her sitting at the kitchen table, coloring, and not giving you as much as a side glance.

Mike was dressed in his uniform, his vest fitting on his body perfectly. You had always admired how he was able to look good in anything he wore. He could’ve worn a pink onesie and you still would’ve thought he was hot. But you couldn’t tell him that, not anymore, now that you were broken up. Honestly, you thought about asking him if he was open to getting back together. But, then again, what would he even say to that? And even more mind-boggling was thinking about what Abby would say. She already felt betrayed enough- she would probably break down if Mike agreed to get back together.

“(Y/N), hey. Abby needs to be put down for bed, but she won’t listen to me. Think you can handle her?” Mike asked with a small smirk tugging on his lips.

You set your bag down on the floor by the door and walked into the dining room, right behind the young girl. “Hi, sweetpea. Whatcha’ drawing?” You placed a hand on her shoulder and smiled at the surprisingly detailed artwork she had created.

“My friends.” She said monotonously, not even looking up to glance at you. You had become accustomed to this sort of treatment by now, and while it hurt that your smiley girl no longer smiled so brightly, you knew there was nothing you could do to revert her.

She was obviously in the middle of the drawing, with you and Mike on each side of her. In previous pieces, you two had been side-by-side, holding hands and smiling. That was no longer the case. On Mike’s side, there were two other children: one with long blonde hair and one with short dark-brown- maybe black- hair. On your side, there were two more children: one with short blond hair and one with auburn hair. All the children were smiling, while you and Mike had blank expressions.

“Good to know I’m your friend, Abs.” You tried to joke with her, rubbing her shoulder as you spoke, but that seemed to have no effect. When you realized nothing you were doing was going to get her to talk to you more, you sighed. “Abby, it’s time for bed. It’s past eleven.” 

Abby looked up, finally, and frowned. “I don’t want to go to bed. I’m not tired.”

“This isn’t up for debate, love. Bedtime, now. I’ll help you pick out some pajamas while you go brush your teeth.” Your voice wasn’t stern, more calm yet still authoritative. She must’ve realized you weren’t playing around, and with a dramatic huff, she left the table to go to the bathroom. Once she was out of earshot, you sighed and rubbed your face.

“She listens to you so much more than me,” Mike commented, adjusting the collar of his shirt. You glanced up at him and nodded, watching out of your peripherals as he leaned against the kitchen table beside you. An awkward silence bloomed in the already tension-filled air as you both stared ahead, watching the other out of the corner of your eyes.

Finally, you spoke. “This is, what, your fourth night, right?”

“Mhm.”

“Okay. Just making sure.” A partial lie, but he wouldn’t notice. You mostly just wanted to hear his voice again. As always, it was perfect, like the rest of him.

Upsettingly so, he saw right through you. Even worse was that he said nothing on the matter. He stood there, staring ahead just like you, not saying a word. The only sounds in the entire house were the sounds of you two breathing, the sink in the bathroom running (presumably from Abby brushing her teeth), and the soft hum of the air conditioning running through the home.

Mike was the first to move from this position, claiming he had to get going to work. It was disappointing that he couldn’t stay longer to talk, but you didn’t fight him on it.

“I’m gonna go help Abby. Stay safe.” You announced. Mike had never told you about what went on at the Pizzaria, so it made him do a double-take when you told him to stay safe. He stared at you momentarily before nodding and heading towards the door. And with that, it was just you and Abby.

You walked into Abby’s room and looked for some pajamas for her to wear. Sure, she was ten years old and perfectly capable of picking out her clothes, but it was something you had offered to do when you first started seeing her, and she never opposed the action. You finally settled on a pale pink t-shirt and some fuzzy pajama pants with little pumpkins on them. You laid them out on the bed and left the room, waiting for her to go in and change so that you could tuck her in for the night.

Once she called for you, albeit begrudgingly (she’s convinced she doesn’t even need a babysitter anymore), you went in and found her already under her covers, her stuffed animals crowded around her. You smiled and were reminded of simpler times when she would beg and beg you and Mike to read her just one more story or have you sing one more song because although those times are probably long gone, the memories are still embedded in your head. You tucked her in and kissed her forehead, smoothing her hair back before whispering goodnight to her. Thankfully, she whispered the same.

You left the room and went to sit down on the couch. Once your body hit the leather, you immediately sighed heavily and brought your hands to your head, rubbing your temples as though you had a headache. In reality, you were just tired. And maybe stressed. Scratch that, you were feeling a lot of both.

You wanted your family back; the family you had formed with Mike and Abby. You wanted to call him and tell him you still loved him and that you prayed he felt the same. You wanted to sing a million lullabies to Abby every night and tell her every bedtime story imaginable. You wanted that comfort back. But it seemed as though that wouldn’t be happening any time soon.

Sometime in the middle of the night, you woke up to the sound of knocking on the door. You had fallen asleep and groggily looked over to the clock on the wall, reading that it was four in the morning. You woke up immediately, not knowing if someone was trying to break into the house. You grabbed the nearest object, a broken table lamp (in retrospect, you should’ve run to the kitchen and grabbed a knife, not a fucking table lamp), and cautiously made your way to the front door. You took a deep breath and braced yourself before throwing the door open. 

There stood an injured Mike and a blonde woman whom you had never seen before. Your defensive instincts fell, and they were replaced by fear for Mike, and jealousy, because who was this woman? And why was she so goddamn pretty? No, why was Mike hurt? Was he bleeding?!

“Michael Schmidt, what the hell happened?!” You practically yanked the two inside the house and immediately sat Mike down on the couch, looking him over. Your eyes darted from wound to wound as your mind raced with possibilities for what caused this.

He let out a shaky breath, as he was in excruciating pain. “Looks like I didn’t listen to you…” he chuckled, but it stopped once he realized you were glaring at him.

“What? Mike, I’m serious. What happened?” Your gaze moved from him to the mystery woman, who you realized was wearing a police uniform. “What the hell happened to him?” You demanded, your voice dropping.

The woman was quick to assure you that she was not the cause of Mike’s injuries. “Calm down. I can explain everything if you just sit down and let me talk.” She sounded so calm, and that fact pissed you off. How could she be so nonchalant about this?!

“(Y/N). Please.” Mike placed a bandaged hand atop yours, which had been holding onto his shirt sleeve. The action caught you off guard. It made your eyes widen as you realized how desperate he was. 

You gulped and nodded your head. You sat down beside Mike, your legs brushing together, as you looked up at the mystery woman. “You’ve got five minutes.

Surprisingly, the blonde was able to explain a lot in five minutes. For starters, her name was Vanessa. She was a police officer, which was a job you considered in the same genre as Mike’s position as a security guard. She was rather vague about it, but what you got from it was that the pizzeria was a hotspot for kids in the eighties, especially for birthday parties. Once kids started disappearing, and the animatronics started acting ‘off’, the place was shut down. The owner never tore it down, supposedly for its ‘sentimental value’. The reason Mike was hurt, was because the animatronics had attacked him. That made your blood run cold.

“So you’re telling me that Mike has been risking his life these past four nights? For shitty wages?” You turned your head away from Vanessa and Mike and stared ahead at the wall. Did Mike know all this beforehand? Was he planning on keeping this from you, or would he have told you eventually? What would Abby think if she found out her brother got hurt, or worse, died?

You hadn’t realized it, but you began to quiver. You rocked yourself back and forth ever so slightly, your arms wrapped around your body, and your lower lip lodged between your teeth. Mike tried to reach his hand out to place on your shoulder, to comfort you, but you immediately recoiled. He looked more surprised than anything, but there was a hint of hurt there too.

“This is only the second time this has happened, (Y/N), I swear-”

“The second time out of four days of working there?!” Your voice raised but quickly lowered again when you realized where you were. “Mike, please, find another job. We can’t-” You stopped yourself from making a statement that made it seem like you were still a family. You caught yourself, changing up your word choice. “Abby can’t lose you.” Your voice was down to a whisper now, and you looked truly hurt that Mike kept this from you.

Vanessa stayed quiet and backed up a few steps to give you both some space.

You rubbed your eyes in both exhaustion and frustration. You couldn’t even look Mike in the eyes right now.

Mike tried again to calm you, opting to put his hand on your knee. This time, you didn’t push him away. “I’ll be careful. Promise.”

Finally, you glanced over at him. “You better fucking keep it. Because if you die…” You couldn’t even finish that sentence.

“I won’t.” His smile was infectious, and you couldn’t help but fall in love all over again.

You really should’ve just risked getting Abby sick, rather than stay home one night. You had come down with strep throat, and it just so happened that the last day you had it was when you needed to babysit Abby. You called Mike to explain the situation, and although he was a little frustrated because he couldn’t get another babysitter, he assured you that it was not your fault. And so you went about your day, laying in bed, watching TV, eating soup, really just doing anything you could to keep your mind off the guilt you felt.

By the time night rolled around, you were out cold. You had taken some medicine a little bit before bed, and the ‘helps with insomnia’ benefit listed on the bottle was not a lie. You were so deep in REM that you almost didn’t wake up to your phone ringing on the bedside table. Thankfully, you did. The caller ID read ‘Mike Schmidt’, and you picked up the phone, putting it up to your ear.

If you weren’t awake yet, you certainly would’ve been after he started talking. You were still a bit drowsy, and Mike’s words were partially intelligible, but the words you could make out were ‘couldn’t replace’, ‘animatronics’, ‘Vanessa’, ‘Abby’, ‘electrical discharge’, and ‘hurt’. You managed to form your theory as to what had happened, and boy did that wake you up. You shot out of bed and tugged a pair of socks on before slipping on your shoes, not even bothering to tie them. You were about to tell Mike not to hang up, but then he did.

You drove there in record time, probably going over the speed limit, but that didn’t matter. Abby was hurt. Your theory was that Mike couldn’t get someone to watch Abby in time, and so he took her to the pizzeria. That alone was enough for you to feel angry, but you were furious to know that Abby got hurt. Electrical discharges are no joke, and you needed to see her to at least look her over and decide if she was okay. Maternal instincts die hard, you guessed.

You practically broke the door by opening it so quickly. Abby and Mike were sitting on the couch. When she saw you, her face sort of glowed like it used to. She ran up to hug you, and you bent down and caught her in your arms. You swayed her back and forth, rubbing her back and combing through her hair as you whispered inaudible ‘thank you’s to God. She was okay by the looks of it.

When you let go of her, you immediately stared at Mike with the angriest expression you had ever had. He looked sad and guilty. But also sort of numb. Like he’s been through this before. Like he knew this was how it would end. This was how it ended with everyone.

“Abby, go get in bed,” Your voice was stern but softer than your expression.

“But-”

“Now.”

She looked like a kicked puppy when you ordered her away, but she did as you demanded, and slinked away into her bedroom, closing the door.

“(Y/N), I can explain-”

You laughed, but it wasn’t out of humor. It was dry, and he could tell you were pissed. Pissed couldn’t even describe how livid you were with this beautiful, beautiful man.

“You better have a good excuse as to why Abby got hurt, and why you took her to the pizzeria in the first place, knowing it was dangerous.”

Mike had never heard your voice sound this venomous, and it worried him. He was used to everyone looking at him with such disdain, but not you. He had never seen your soft face and gentle smile look like this. “...You’re right. There is no excuse. …I’m sorry.”

“Don’t say that to me. Say that to your little sister, who you’re supposed to protect. I thought you didn’t want to live up to your aunt’s opinion of you.” The moment those words left your lips, you immediately regretted it. That was a low blow, even if you were upset.

Mike’s lip quivered, and he visibly stepped back. “I’m- I’m don’t. I don’t want to live up to that. But if that’s really what you think of me…” His voice trailed off, leaving you two in silence. The tension was so thick you could cut it with a knife. And although he tried to hide it, you could see the tears in his eyes. It was rare that Mike cried, and even more scarce when you witnessed it. You couldn’t bear to see him anymore; you had to get out of there.

And so you did. You left without saying another word. You didn’t even say goodbye to Abby, who would’ve very much appreciated someone coming to check on her. Although you thought she had closed her door, she only pulled it to. She heard every single word exchanged between you and her older brother. She was scared. Scared that you and Mike may never get back together. Scared that Mike wouldn’t be nice anymore. Petrified that she would never see you again. And she didn’t know how to feel about that. She curled up in her bed, pulled the covers over her head, and sobbed until her throat burned and she felt like her lungs were going to fall out. It was all her fault.

(part two will be out eventually, once I get the time to write)

[battyaboutbooksreviews]

🦇 A Tempest of Tea Book Review 🦇

Rating: ⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐

❓ #QOTD What's your favorite type of tea?

🦇 On the streets of White Roaring, Arthie Casimir is a criminal mastermind and collector of secrets. Her prestigious tearoom transforms into an illegal bloodhouse by dark, catering to the vampires feared by society. But when her establishment is threatened, Arthie is forced to strike an unlikely deal with an alluring adversary to save it—and she can’t do the job alone. Calling on some of the city’s most skilled outcasts, Arthie hatches a plan to infiltrate the dark and glittering vampire society known as the Athereum. But not everyone in her ragtag crew is on her side, and as the truth behind the heist unfolds, Arthie finds herself in the midst of a conspiracy that will threaten the world as she knows it.

💜 For shame! For shame, book readers, for not praising all that is Hafsal Faizal and her delicious, dizzy, heart-clutching romantic fantasies. Why are we not talking about this book (and the Sands of Arawiya duology, for that matter) more? Why haven't I heard you swooning over Jin's charm, or Arthie's badassery, or the enigma that is Laith? For shame! Let me break down my love of this one for you:

✨ Characters: I love me a crew, a messy little found family, a 'from the ashes of a corrupt world, the self-built and struggling will rise' group of misfits. Arthie is difficult to love but SO damn easy to respect. Her sibling-like relationship with Jin clicks into place from their first interaction; you see that unspoken love in their fierce protectiveness for one another throughout the entire story. While the rest of the crew each has a part to play, it was THIS platonic relationship that truly powered the story. I would have been fine to stick with their dual POV, leaving readers in the dark about what the others were up to.

✨ Plot and Pacing: A heist story is one part planning (bringing together the crew), one part stealing, one part EVERYTHING going wrong, one part secrets revealed. To quote Leonard Snart, “There are only four rules you need to remember: make the plan, execute the plan, expect the plan to go off the rails, throw away the plan." For a little fun, you throw in Leverage's power move: the gloat, when the Big Bad realizes they've failed. Faizal executes nearly every piece of the equation perfectly. I will say the planning stage takes a bit too long (again, we don't need every POV), but it was used to help us fall in love with the characters, to understand their predicament.

✨ World-Building: This world! Let me slip into this world and seep in its magic. The moment I realized we were still in We Hunt the Flame's universe, I audibly squealed (scaring a cat in the process). Faizal doesn't fall into the old comforts of an already established, familiar world; she makes the wicked, ruthless stress of White Roaring its own, with the Arawiya making a special appearance in an unexpected way. I fell in love with a tearoom (Spindrift) and all its concealed secrets the way many of you fell in love with magic castles and a corner of Oregon. Spindrift is its own character, and the threat of its loss empowers the characters to take action in intriguing ways. Usually, vampire books are a bit try-hard and tired, but Faizal redefines the genre with this one, creating a mythology that elevates the story, its characters, and its ongoing suspense. To add an undercurrent commentary on immigration, violent colonialism, and white supremacy only adds to the story's perfection. The strongest fantasy books shine a mirror on our realities. The commentary on our current society is real and relevant within Tempest's fantasy world.

✨ Romance: The romantic interactions in this story don't steal from the plot, but intensify the tension of all that's at stake. Get ready for some heart-fluttering and swooning, bats, because this book has it all. Let me COUNT THE WAYS I swooned over the wit and sass between Laith and Arthie. I rushed through this story only eager for more and more of it.

✨ Mystery/Suspense: Every heist has a mastermind, and every mastermind has a dozen contingency plans hidden in their sleeves. Arthie is no exception. This story could have failed in its mystery and suspense, given that too many writers lean on vampire lore cliches, but Faizal's creation of a unique mythology adds a flare of spice and heat to the story. I will say, again, that including additional POVs was a mistake: I did see the three big twists coming.

✨ Tone/Prose: Faizal's writing is, as always, magic seeped in sublime, amusing wit. There's never a dull moment in the writing, the phenomenal prose drawing you in like a spicy cup of hot chai sweetened with honey and secrets. I could talk about the prose charm and allure for hours; it carries you to the very last page.

🦇 Recommended to fans of The Fragile Threads of Power and Six of Crows. Definitely on my top 10 for 2024!

✨ The Vibes ✨ 🩸 Paranormal/Historical Fiction 🫖 Young Adult Fiction 🩸 Vampires 🫖 Found Family 🩸 Duology 🫖 Heist 🩸 POC Characters 🫖 Sands of Arawiya Universe

💬 Quotes ❝ It’s easy to look at the errors of a few and blame an entire kind." ❞ ❝ “Let me bleed for you.” ❞ ❝ “And then you would use your mouth to cut me down in the most wicked of ways, and I realized I’d met countless men and women but never my mirror.” ❞ ❝ “Why save the world when you can have tea?” ❞ ❝ No, beautiful wasn’t quite the word to describe her allure. She was cutthroat and deadly, the way a rose appeared entirely different when you saw its thorns. ❞ ❝ It was rare to hear praise for her intellect. It was only ever treated as something that was overgrown to the point of recklessness; she was always told she was too cunning, too corrupt. Never brilliant. ❞ ❝ “Family isn’t who we live with but those we would die for.” ❞ ❝ Roohi. If I begin to tell the world how I feel about you, I may never stop, but here is my attempt to be concise: Every day with you is a joy. ❞

[horizon-verizon]

I stopped thinking about B&C = red wedding because it seems like a ...Misinterpretation? because I don't think that would have ever happened on the show. What made RW so terrible how was it?

Emotional component: Helaena's pain and desperation, the brutality of the election and that the children have to present that.That component is gained with a. Screen time and/or. b. memorable scenes

hotD has already mostly failed in that aspect unlike Robb and Cat who we knew for three seasons and followed their story that already had a good emotional baggage . It's also not the first time they've failed in that regard, despite having enough "character-establishing" scenes I personally didn't feel invested enough in Luke to care about Luke's death. Helaena's children had even less than that and it took away some of the trauma that happens around

-scenography: HotD has a SERIOUS pacing problem since the first season and even when I think the music choices are well made to build tension it gets lost because the rest of the scene is not up to scratch. They take things from point a to point b without time for it to build and have weight for the viewer and the characters.We don't get to "live" the feelings of the scene, it's flat.

All good, but those are problems due to the script and direction, does that mean that being better written would be what the fans wanted?

I don't think either

If you see TG's posts, the comparison comes from that moment of great horror and pain, they were preparing to recreate how horrible the death of an innocent person was, the beginning of the war and that they were attacked in an environment that is considered safe. That level of horror is surely comparable to TRW?!

except that... No

This horror that comes from the loss of customs and traditions that should have kept the characters safe and that leads to a massacre... It is the death of Lucerys. It is Lucerys who was protected by his role as envoy just as Robb and his men were protected by guest rights.

There is also a deletion of the aspects that canon!book attributed to the death of Luke/visenya to give them to the death of Jaehaerys :

The war begins with the death of Luke, not Jaehaerys, no matter what the new trailer/Aegon wants to try to say.The first child victim of the war was Lucerys/Visenya, not Jaehaerys (and it must have been more obvious because Elliott was actually old enough to look like a child).The first mother to feel the pain and loss is Rhaenyra, not Helaena and Alicent. Luke's death doesn't justify B&C, but Jaehaerys' death justifies Rhaenys' death (just as Maelor's death apparently justifies a massacre). Somehow they (TG) end up writing in a way that makes me just hear Book!Alicent saying that bastard blood doesn't matter, because instead of judging both events as the tragedies they were (because neither was good) they want the justification to be victims and have the moral ground to attack and massacre (the same way TRW's brutality justified the whole "the north remembers" plot or Lady Stoneheart/Arya's massacre).

Everything that turned TRW into the horror that it was, fails in HotD both because of the script and accumulated flaws and because of a misunderstanding of what made the scene so horrible.I'm not saying that B&C wasn't horrible, but in the case of the fan analysis I'm looking askance because, once again, I see an erasure of the pain and history of the black to give it to the greens.

This horror that comes from the loss of customs and traditions that should have kept the characters safe and that leads to a massacre... It is the death of Lucerys. It is Lucerys who was protected by his role as envoy just as Robb and his men were protected by guest rights.

You make a great catch. One small reminder: Jaehaerys' death is arguably kinslaying (another taboo act that is a break of customary protections), as he's Daemon's grand nephew, unless kin slaying is only about first cousins, child, parent, sibling, uncle, niece? IDK how far kinslaying in Westeros extends.

The first mother to feel the pain and loss is Rhaenyra, not Helaena and Alicent. Luke's death doesn't justify B&C, but Jaehaerys' death justifies Rhaenys' death (just as Maelor's death apparently justifies a massacre). Somehow they (TG) end up writing in a way that makes me just hear Book!Alicent saying that bastard blood doesn't matter, because instead of judging both events as the tragedies they were (because neither was good) they want the justification to be victims and have the moral ground to attack and massacre.

--AND--

I see an erasure of the pain and history of the black to give it to the greens.

EXACTLY! That is what it is and has been.

[viilpstick]

first game, first revelation: The tension is undeniable, and perhaps it's not solely because of the games. Concern lingers on both sides, especially as a revelation unfolds, exposing one of the underlying truths.

warnings: Oc x canon

genre: DRAMA, suspense, a little fluff

a/n: YOU GUYS ARE NOT READY FOR IT. (Also i know i am lazy and this is short I am trying I am 🥲)

The morning kicks off with an early start, and there's a buzz of activity as everyone prepares for the upcoming games. The initial event on the agenda is a highly anticipated basketball match, and the atmosphere is tense. Night Raven College harbors a sense of apprehension, not due to the opposing team's skill, which is quite the opposite of subpar, but rather due to one key factor: Floyd Leech.

NRC can't help but worry, hoping that Floyd Leech is in a positive mood and that his unpredictable swings won't adversely affect the game. The fear looms large—losing in the very first round is not an option.

Adeline, who had lost track of time, hurriedly navigated the corridors when she encountered a familiar silhouette heading in the opposite direction.

"Oh, good morning, dear Adeline," he greeted with an amused expression, well aware of where he had just come from. He knew she knows, but he might as well pull the play.

"You are forbidden to go into the West Wing, Adriano," she hissed, crossing her arms and stepping forward with a determined expression. "It doesn't matter what you know or don't know."

"Relax, Adeline," he retorted, rolling his eyes. "Are you accusing me of breaking rules?"

"I'm not accusing; I'm well aware that you did," she asserted.

Clicking his tongue, he straightened his posture, looking down at Adeline. The tension between them could be cut with a knife, evident in the angry expressions on both their faces.

"Take care of your business and keep out of my life."

"You don't fool me. Your business is mine as well, and you know it."

Adriano forcefully pushed her away, catching her off guard and causing her to tumble to the ground. "Get over it, Rosique," he hissed her name with a deadly glare. "Your dad leaving you is not my fault."

"Our dad."

The silence in the room seemed colder than the weather outside. Adriano, his expression shocked, remained silent, not uttering a word. Adeline, undeterred, rose from the floor with determination. Her silence mirrored that of a quiet mouse—scared, yet resolute, choosing not to vocalize her fear. She gives a last pincering glance on Adriano, before leaving to where the game is going.

A clicking sound of pen and what it seemed to be water, or a dark liquid falling into the ground, as Adriano turns away to East Wing.

Little did both of them know, Lucie and Poppy stood frozen in the moment, their eyes widened in disbelief. The revelation seemed surreal, as if reality itself refused to align with this unexpected truth.

"This…" Lucie began, her voice barely above a whisper, her gaze fixed on the unfolding revelation.

"There is no way," Poppy added, her eyes mirroring the astonishment that hung in the air.

Both girls exchanged lingering glances, their expressions a mix of confusion and astonishment. The weight of the revelation lingered, creating a palpable tension in the room. It was a truth that simply could not be easily accepted or comprehended.

In the midst of the silence, Poppy, still processing the shocking information, uttered to Lucie in plain shock.

"Adriano and Adeline… Are-"

"-Siblings." The word hung in the air, emphasizing the gravity of the revelation. Just what in the world Adeline is hidding.

The gym echoed with the squeaks of rubber soles against the shiny court floor. Floyd Leech, Ace Trappola, and Jamil Viper were ready for the game, bouncing the ball in anticipation. On the opposing team of Rosantée the eyes was their opponents, determined to give their best.

Adeline sits on the front of Night Raven's branch where she could see Grace praying for the Sevens above for Floyd to be in a good mood. She was clearly tired, waking up early, specially for a cat beastwoman was surely not the best thing in the world, but who she was to deny be in her boyfriend's game.

Meanwhile, she notices down the benches Lucie and Poppy with an troubled face... She can talk to them later, it may not be that important.

The referee tossed the ball into the air, and the game began. A leaped, securing the ball for NRC, and the court came alive with quick passes and nimble dribbles. Jamil and Ace moved with precision, finding openings in the defense. Rosantée hustled to block their path.

With a swift move, Ace made a perfect shot, and the ball sailed through the hoop, scoring the first points for NRC. The crowd erupted in cheers, and Rosantée gives a sad sigh. Not that they were backing down, though. A player from Rosantée dribbled skillfully, dodging defenders, and passed to a friend, who made a successful layup.

Back and forth the game went, each team showcasing their skills. Floyd stole the ball from the other team, initiating a fast break. Floyd raced down the court, executing a smooth layup. The score remained close, creating an air of excitement in the gym.

As the final minutes approached, attempted a three-pointer, but Floyd leaped to block the shot.

The crowd held their breath as the ball swirled around the rim before finally bouncing out. NRC secured the rebound, and with a few strategic passes, they managed to run down the clock.

When the buzzer sounded, NRC emerged victorious, with a narrow lead. The players exchanged handshakes, showcasing sportsmanship, and the crowd applauded both teams for an exhilarating match. The echoes of the game lingered in the gym, a testament to the thrill of friendly competition on the basketball court.

The cheering goes wild as Jamil, Ace and Floyd get full credits from the rest of the team, everyone glad that Floyd was in a good mood, he must really be focus on the game- Oh, forget it, he was just showing off for Grace, who he is already squeezing.

Searching for Malleus through the bustling crowd, Adeline suddenly flinches at the unexpected touch of someone's hand in hers. Startled, she looks down to find the familiar face of Delih.

"Delih, may I ask you something?"

Poppy's voice cuts through the noise, snapping Adeline back to reality. The ambient sounds of the crowd, the murmur of conversations, and the distant echoes of footsteps create a lively yet chaotic backdrop to the moment.

"Yes, Poppy. Is everything okay?" The worried face of Adeline was clear, specially with Poppy's nervous voice.

"Well, uhm... I was wondering-"

"Poppy!" Epel shows up dragging Poppy with him. "Rook wants to see ya. He told me it's been a while, so, let's go. I can use as an excuse to runaway from them."

Adeline watches Poppy being pushed away, without being able to ask anything to the blonde.

moots' taglist :: @mhedusard @midnightmah07 @justm3di0cr3 @shinysparklesapphires @localanimeidiot I DO NOT AUTHORIZE ANY COPY, TRANSLATION OR REPOST OF MY WORK IN ANY OTHER MEDIA | ©viilpstick 2023

[thegoldenavenger]

Here's a quick. Thing. They're All God's (except LBH) AU. This is like, the ending. no i dont explain anything. i just wanted lqg to get melted down and rebuilt. you know, as gods do. this does have an open/unsatisfactory endind just fyi haha

When he loses the first time, Liu Qingge refuses to acknowledge it. It doesn't matter, after all, as long as he tries again he can change something. He returns the second, third, fourth, fifth times.

He has lost count when he realizes that the something he has changed is in him. With the same heaving blood soaked breaths he coughs up at Luo Binghe's figure, something has been changed in him.

Of course. He cannot be the God of Breakthroughs if he cannot break through.

He keeps losing.

Each battle he marches into is another dig at his once spotless reputation. He feels his divinity and grace slough away from him like dried mud. Still he faces Luo Binghe every day.

It forges him into something else.

When Shen Yuan reawakens, not dead but Ascended, Liu Qingge stops his fruitless battles. 

Shen Jiu is with him. At some point the God had shed the title of Qingqiu as trees lose their autumn leaves. Still the God of Bitter Fall and Uneven Ground, of Unfair Advantages, but now also of Cunning Thought and Persistence. He hasn't changed, Liu Qingge realizes. He's just revealed more of who he is.

Shen Yuan is, as always, Shen Jiu's compliment: God of Bountiful Harvest and Smooth Travels, and of Cutting Words and Sloth.

Shen Yuan has, thoroughly, molded himself into the perfect God for his precious demonic pet. Luo Binghe will never want for a single thing ever again with the God of Easy Living walking by his side.

Liu Qingge wants to avoid them both. Everyone else is already aware, but from these two he wishes to hide his failures for just a little longer. However, the core of him is settled in such a way that he cannot find it in himself to pull away.

They want to see him.

It's no surprise that when Yue Qingyuan invites him to a banquet, Shen Jiu and Shen Yuan are there as well. As ever, Yue Qingyuan's bias shines through.

"What did you do?" Shen Jiu snarls from across the banquet hall.

"Who— oh Qingge!" Shen Yuan turns and catches sight of him as well.

Tension rises in Liu Qingge's body but—they've already seen. And if, somehow, they are too dense to understand, any one of their God siblings will explain it. Poorly. So Liu Qingge stays.

Shen Jiu is, of course disgusted. Shen Yuan intrigued.

"I thought once gods Ascend they do not change." He comments curiously.

"They don't." Shen Jiu hisses. "They can adapt perhaps. Split. Acquire or shed new epithets or old ones as we have. But they do not change. If they stop being what they are, then that God simply ceases to be."

"It's as it is." Liu Qingge shrugs. "I'm still a God—"

"Of cycles." Shen Jiu accuses.

"Reliability!" Shen Yuan insists. "Qingge is always dependable."

"It is no great thing if you can only depend on him to lose." Shen Jiu's dark gaze is calculating and Liu Qingge understands that, somehow, Shen Jiu knows the whole story already. That he simply needed to see Liu Qingge to fit the pieces together.

"He doesn't lose!" Shen Yuan defends, loyally. "Qingge has always been there when we needed him!"

Silence descends on the banquet hall like an awkward blanket.

"What, did—have I missed something?" Shen Yuan asks, glancing sharply around.

Yue Qingyuan, belatedly, ushers the rest of his guests out. Liu Qingge supposes he must be grateful that Luo Binghe isn't here to enjoy rubbing Liu Qingge's nose in it. Shen Jiu will, assuredly, have no problems doing it instead.

"It's exactly as Shen Jiu says." Liu Qingge starts. "Fighting Luo Binghe has irrevocably changed me." He says.

What he doesn't say: I cannot win against him now even if he deigned to throw the fight.

Perhaps, to Shen Yuan, the change isn't so dramatic. Shen Yuan had never wanted Liu Qingge to win that battle anyway, and Liu Qingge has ever been Shen Yuan's most reliable God-Brother.

Once upon a time, Liu Qingge was a War God. There were and still are many gods of war: strategy and prowess, blood and conquering, weapons and trade.

Liu Qingge was the breakthrough. The final push. The turning of tides. The culmination. He had never failed to turn a lost cause into victory, there had never been a battle lost to him if he meant to win it.

But then Shen Qingqiu became two, and then Luo Binghe built a shrine and Shen Yuan wasn't prepared for his tribulations and then—

Well.

Liu Qingge is a War God. Of Cycles, Shen Jiu says. Of Reliability, Shen Yuan insists. He is the God of forlorn hope, of having only one spear and one sword, of hunting phoenixes in mirrors. The same battle retread for the same reasons.

[darkwingphoenix]

@loominggaia AU Memes (You can smell the oven on em still)

Sandrone when she's targeted by the Kelvingyard Slave Distribution System (They're giving child slaves away hella as they and don't break Cobalt's new slave limitation laws)(She legit wants them all)

Signora when she's on a call with Capitano and Columbina's current paying customer and her are fucking on the couch (She's a prostitute not because she has to, she just wants sex and money)

Dottore and Lumine when they get a password for a thing their dad's doing wrong (His favorite child is Capitano, and it's obvious)

Pierro to Marine's Husband (He's uneducated ASF)

Maui to Amber and Citrine

Dottore and Columbina as toddlers, crying to Cobalt (They prefer him to their own parents)(Columbina's crying)

Maia and Clarity as 4 year olds

How Salina and Marina made the Floeback Whales

Sai Vs Justinia (Also Maia and Clarity)

Columbina after Saraia transmutes her father into a snake (She shoved him into a jar and is about to put him into a crucible to smelt into a steel ingot)

All of Marine and Cobalt's kids' monster pets from Skylie with Justinia

Maia to Cobalt when Sai was pregnant with Indigo and their twin sibling

Divines when they're presented with this challenge (1 year off of infinity is still infinity)

Cyana, Saphirra and Cobalt when Skylie went off to battle with Kelvingyard slavers (She's yelling at Sandrone, who got wounded in battle)(Sandrone's okay, don't worreh)

Sandrone when Capitano invites her over and his parents are gone

Baby Acacia (She spawned into the Uekoro Palace pool right next to Maui, and panicked)(The after meal is after Amber fed her)

Skylie in the Damiscend Capitol House every morning

Sandrone and Capitano talking to each other (She's 4'8", he's 6'10")

Amber with her like 9 million earrings

Sandrone when her stimming is on point (She's autistic)

Columbina to Signora every morning

Dottore being flamboyantly gay (He SERVES)

Sandrone sometimes

Lumine's It Doesn't Matter vs Columbina's It Doesn't Matter

Jelani and Azura sometimes vs Saraia and Skylie all the time (They totally don't have sexual tension)

Columbina being most comfortable (And also safest to others) in baggy ASF clothing

[ianitegal56]

It's done. Kuuga is finished.

Okay so about this show: FUCKKKK

Anyway my actual thoughts with my random accompanying screenshots (and be warned of length)

Kuuga was fantastic. Genuinely think that was one of the most engaging Tokus I've seen. The pacing? Phenomenal. At the start it's a bit bare but that's alright. It grows on you as the episodes go by. The way the Grongi are structured works really well with the format because it allows for there to be a logical progression in both power and story. Speaking of, the way the story actually brings up the fights with the realization of the killings being different games. They make reference to early fights because they matter. Even if the format is two-part episodic, it works.

I love love love Godai. He's the sort of person who you want to be your friend. His optimism all the time is so infectious. That makes the few moments where he almost breaks that much more powerful. To see his fist clench and then to let it go away to talk about hope. Gahh. He handled his own exit so well because he said his goodbyes, did the fight, and then just left. Riders and their fucking love of walking off into the sunset to fight their own demons??? I want to kiss it.

Him and Kotaro just walked off to deal with their demons. Love them for it.

Now the supporting cast;

Each is fantastic in their own right. If I was to go out on a limb I feel like each is supposed to represent a different and unique human emotion or experience. I can't explain why. Don't ask. Godai's sister as a teacher acts both as someone who has faith in Godai while also showing the child element of the show. (Riders are supposed to be the protectors of kids right?) I absolutely adored the early bits of tension between the two siblings about Godai's transformations. Even in the later episodes when the kids are fighting and they're forced to solve the problem without Godai that was supposed to show how people can move on without him to protect those smiles.

Did I hear tension with Godai? Sawatari is best girl. I'm not fighting over this and will refuse to say anything else. But anyway the chemistry between her and Godai as close friends oozed from their scenes. Their fights over Godai's overall transformation and his habit of climbing through the window was so... real. He literally stays to help her finish her thesis??? How can you ask for more from a friend??? And even in the end she leaves the window open ready for his return someday. Also I'm a simp for archeologists. This is non-negotiable.

Now Tsubaki is a goat. I am a sucker for the "I'm so over helping you for a friend but I'm going to slowly become besties with you" doctors. His stupid flirting attempts and way of joking bounced off Godai was just perfect, even when the latter was knocked out. Plus he was a man on a mission, who failed at getting the girl in the end because my age ass still loves you.

Enokida. The disaster mom of the year. Honestly even if her parts weren't the main focus she was really good. The show did a really good job of showing the real mental effects of a situation like the show presents and doesn't talk down to people about it. Even in the end with her very subtle (I hope not) relationship with Jean that sort of just blossomed was handled really well. The little confirmation with the Disneyland thing??? My heart man.

I also heart the other few reoccurring cops. Gotta love them for putting up with the bullshit. And trying.

So the other more minor characters, I genuinely really enjoyed and loved how the show kept bringing them up. No one was really 'forgotten' by the plot for a one episode thing. People came back. Godai's teacher is a great example, same with Miku. They acted as great vessels for the smaller episodes scale wise and helped with the fluff. Even Minori's other teacher friend that was pregnant. God she's a character I would genuinely write an essay on. The episodes where she worries aloud for her kid and still has hope was so good. Fantastic writing. And even she came back in the end with her baby!!!

breathes in,

So about Ichijo. I think as a deuteragonist he is perfection. The way he tries to be a stone cold cop who focuses on his job and overworks himself like Enokida who both poke fun at each other because of it. Being a cop lets him have those moments alone in the car having those brief times of doubt. The way him and Godai bounce off each other in this very relatable way was so well done. The show doesn't need to sell you on the trust they have, it just lets itself speak. With the way he goes after B1 and their encounters are so unique. Her saying she would be with him??? Gahh. And she even called him a warrior, a man without powers except for his quick thinking and guns. Plus he also rides a motorcycle?? Something is absolutely magical about that man. And I'm not just talking about the fact he was the one who touched face with everyone afterwards. He cares so much. He even smiles more 😭. The final battle was also so unique with their interactions beforehand. He is tasked with taking Godai down in case things go south and the trust just oozes out of the scene. The worry on his face and even the simple fact Godai never properly said goodbye to him. It's implied I guess but their last exchange was about watching over the other. Afterwards too with his apology to Godai about getting him involved just makes my heart ache. Such a strong character.

The reason Godai has both of his bikes in the last fight is because his bestie drove the other with him in the snow

Quick note; the Grongi are cool. Mad that the official subtitles actually have translations for their language but the other version doesn't. They had the lighting drip and the human form drip. Felt like a couple of them to beat anyone in a rizz off. Their actual monster forms were good but I will say I kinda wish I could've been able to tell their original animal/plant inspiration. Black made it obvious where RX was just difficult sometimes. The two leaders had so much presence. I mean she used fucking rose petals and had a white rose on her forehead with a red feather boa. Even the officer who stayed in the sides taking note of the numbers was so good. You cannot beat that.

The opening and endings were really good and the flipping of the verses were good. The visuals were on point too. The OST was alright overall with not many memorable tracks besides those.

So overall a fantastic show. I genuinely enjoyed it and would easily recommend it if you've gotten this far. I can't say more than just watching the show and I didn't even touch on the novel or manga.

9/10 or 10/10 depending on my mood. And I'll keep smiling for you Godai.

[rinwellisathing]

You're Awful, I Love You: Part 2

Part 2 of my Durgetash fic so far. Enver Gortash/Trans Male Tiefling Durge

'Chosen of Bane, Your intel is intriguing and quite appreciated. An evening of my company is really worth that? Come on, I don't believe that for a moment. You seem a clever man, so you shouldn't assume I'm not one as well. Clever, I mean. What angle is it you're actually working? Could it be you see myself and my dear little family as an asset on your dizzying climb to power? More intriguing still, if I'm correct! Speak plainly then and lay it all before me. I'm terribly creative and I'm sure between the two of us, we could be a force to be reckoned with.

Yours, Sentry Ojeda, The Executioner, Chosen of Bhaal' “Hmm...doesn't seem long enough and the wording isn't really refined, but then again if I'm asking him to spell his intentions plainly, it must look better if I do as well.” The Executioner, Sentry when things were cordial, thought outloud. With a sigh, he turned from the writing desk and stood, striding towards a large half painted canvas in the corner. A scene played out unfinished across the stretched material, not true canvas, but something far more leathery, of a hellish scene. A triptych he had been working on for the better part of a year. The sufferings and trials of the god Ilmater. Prayer books and books he'd had as a child lay open on the floor and side tables around. The god was depicted in the form of a tiefling, rather than the more commonly depicted human form and the scenery around him was tinged heavily in reds, browns, and coppers of varying saturation levels of The Executioner's special paint mixture. He regarded it thoughtfully before producing the vial he'd gathered earlier and uncorking it, selecting a paintbrush from atop his pallet and setting about detailing raw and bleeding wounds upon The Broken God. His walls were littered with former works, scenes of Bhaalist history including a portrait of Sarevok at the height of his power. One piece seemed out of place among them, a portrait of a serene and beautiful old human woman with dark brown skin, long grey hair, and golden eyes. She was dressed in the armor of a paladin and wearing a symbol of Ilmater. This portrait hung directly over Sentry's bed, though easily hidden behind the bed curtains if need be. A small gold placard beneath read 'Evagria Ojeda, Commander Mum'. Outside of the private quarters of The Chosen, the family was disrupted by the arrival of another member. The sound of bare feet on stone echoed, accompanied by the wet squelching of blood. The beautiful elf was the first to look up, a playful smirk playing across her pleasing features. “Ah, sister Orin! Welcome home. I trust today's hopefuls were less dismal than the last...or did you bring me a failure or two to play with?” She batted her eyelashes coyly, sauntering towards the pale figure. “Pathetic, worthless flesh-things unworthy of our father's gifts.” The newcomer sneered. “Well, not YOUR father, per se, Orin, dear.” The elf giggled, her lithe form dancing just out of reach. “Which of course is why darling brother Sentry is chosen and not you.”

The woman's pale eyes flashed for a moment. “The filthy breed-spawn forgets its place. But it will not be chosen when it matters.” “Oooh, careful, sister, remember what happened to the last sibling who talked that way about the little runt.” The male drow snorted from the battered and dusty seat he currently lounged in. “Not that I disagree or nothing.” He added under his breath.

“Yes, of course. I forget myself, slaughterkin.” A twitching smile crossed her lips. “It is the strain of watching these pretenders, unfit even for sacrifice.” The tall female tiefling did not break the gaze she kept focused on the changeling, however. Her expression was distrustful and though she stood still, a tension flared in her main hand, ready to reach for her scythe at a moment's notice. She kept to the shadows, however, eyes never leaving her quarry. “Now now, it is for your dear father to select his chosen, and our putrid prince Sentry fills the role most ably!” Sceleritas cut through the tension, a tea tray in one hand, which he set on the table nearest the lovely elf. “I, for one, can't imagine a better fit.” An ugly expression crossed Orin's face and she inhaled sharply before turning and skulking off towards her own chambers in a hurry. The beautiful elf giggled musically and sat back down at her table, dipping her porcelain pale hands into a round shell filled with warm, red liquid. The drow rolled his eyes and returned to an open journal beside him, pressing a lock of red hair onto the page and beginning to write something. The female tiefling breathed deeply and lowered herself to a sitting position, laying her scythe across her lap and beginning to tend to it. Sentry set down his brush and smiled with satisfaction up at his work, tongue slipping from between his soft lips to lick an errand splatter from his face. “This could be my masterpiece, it very well could...Just a few more and I can complete it...But” His expression fell and he chewed on his lip uncertainly. “But then what would I paint? Ugh...not a creative rut, I can't stand it!” He clutched his head and arched his back dramatically. His mind felt foggy, almost blocked. Tired. That was it, it had to be. He had had quite the busy day after all and it was late. The sun would rise in just an hour or so. Time to sleep. He slipped out of his clothes, his bare, smooth chest decorated with two well healed scars beneath his pectorals, which stood out among the many far more raw and tattered scars across his back and belly. He did not remove his pants, instead making his way over to the bed and wriggling under the covers. Once safely beneath them, he wriggled and kicked, pushing his pants and underwear off the bed without lifting the blankets. Once he was comfortable, he reached up behind his crimson silk pillow and grabbed a well loved plush dragon, dirty and stained with years of wear and tear. Holding it close against his chest he curled his knees and elbows to his middle and buried his head in the stuffed toy, closing his eyes as his breathing began to slow. His dreams hurt. They always did. The dark, cold cage, the hands groping and pawing at his flesh, the pain and fear. A time when he wasn't the most frightening thing in the room, a time when his father's family had had different plans for him. Sometimes if he was lucky, his dreams ran red and he remembered his escape. If he wasn't, the pain and the cold enveloped him. Tonight, he was awakened only by the sharp bite of his teeth into his now bleeding lip as he subconsciously bit back a cry of terror unbecoming of father's chosen. He sat bolt upright in bed and blinked warily before his eyes fell on his writing desk. The letter. Yes. Recovering those artifacts, spilling the blood of their captors, that would make him feel better.

He didn't even need to call out, Sceleritas was at his side in a moment, awaiting his orders. “See that this reaches that Gortash fellow we met yesterday, will you?” “At once, young master. Might I recommend the hand axes for this endeavor? Your beloved halberd, while fearsome, will be so cumbersome to wield in those close quarters.” Sceleritas bowed. “Hmm...throwing hatchets, perhaps?” Sentry pondered aloud. “An excellent decision, oh wretched one!” The butler clapped his hands together and inclined his head before making his way to the desk and collecting the letter.

[halonicheart]

I need to stop neglecting Camille cause I love and adore her. I've neglected her so much that the one time I actually mention "oh I have an OC I ship with Artoirel" I neglected to mention it was her.

Which is all fun and games until I have to break to the other person, usually my friend listening to me babble, that the two of them had a terrible falling out. Let me explain-

The first time Artoirel ever saw Camille, was merely by chance as she practiced ballet and when they were young. Make no mistake, it wasn't some magical moment. She was clumsy, had not an ounce of grace and even fell over a few times. Her knees were bruised from falling. He didn't call out to her, even less did he plan on seeking her out again.

So imagine his surprise when he kept catching sight of her around Ishgard still practicing. Camille improved just a little more and more over time. It was impressive. Only so few times now did she topple over. She did take one particularly bad fumble, so much so Artoirel ran out without thinking to see if she was alright.

"I wondered when you would finally come forward, creepy toad!"

Didn't expect to be insulted by her. None the less, that moment started their odd friendship. She was outspoken, bright, terribly stubborn, strong willed. They got along well, very well. She loved being around him. It was a surprise his mother didn't entirely mind him being friendly with a low-born...

She only started having a problem when Camille started being friendly with Haurchefant. It was only natural she would meet his siblings at someone, and with a heart like hers of course she would get on well with them. It reached a point where his mother began to poke her nose into the matter.

It started out simple enough, gentle chiding, warnings to keep his distance. Now Artoirel was an obedient child but just this once he wanted to be just a little defiant. Say that he wished to remain her friend. His mother didn't like that. Out right forbade him to see her again. The first of few times she had to raise her voice at Artoirel...

He really didn't want to stop being her friend but he was a good child and didn't want to upset his mother. Only problem was he had promised to see her finally dance on stage... he couldn't just up and not show. He couldn't be honest with the circumstance either, he knows she'll have none of it. The only way to keep her at bay was to hurt her, he concluded.

So the next they meet, he lied to her and said he didn't care to see her dance. That he had grown bored of her. That he wished to not see her again. Of course she was upset, the hurt overrode the obvious tells that he was lying through his teeth. She screamed at him. Called him cruel. She ran off in tears. Artoirel didn't realize he was crying either until he returned home, red in the face. It was the moment he realized he had feelings for her.

Camille remained in contact with Haurchefant... it would seem Emmanellain was forbade contact with her as well. Though that rule crumbled at their mother's passing. Artoirel still kept his distance. She tried to approach him, she really did. But he kept a polite, cool distance. It was for the better.

That bridge was burned to ash, by his own actions no less. He knows she would forgive him easily were he to come clean. That's part of the problem. He doesn't want to be so easily forgiven. To make matters worse, those feelings only grew with him. He's so whipped but feels he can't get any closer to her after their falling out. So he keeps his distance, is grateful he can at least still see her at all and that she remains friendly with Emmanellain… and pines,pines pines…

Thus ensues the awkward, romantic tension between them all throughout HW. I just really liked the idea of Artoirel falling for someone his mother would hate. Someone that would want to encourage him to love instead of instill him with hate cause his mom was on some shit. I really should flesh them out more...

[ninjnerd-anaklusmos]

16 for for dia and luci? Either ship or platonic, it doesn't matter

You got it! Thanks for being my first ask <3. I hope you like it! (It can be read as platonic or romantic, so whichever you prefer to envision!)

If wanna participate in the drabbles, click here!

The wine was spectacular, expected from such a lavish establishment, but it was that much sweeter without six annoying siblings vying for his attention. Or doing something stupid and making themselves look like fools in his presence.

Audacity

Lucifer sighed as the tension of the past month finally started to bleed free from his posture, allowing him a brief reprieve from the chaos. The atmosphere of the restaurant was wonderful as well, soft lighting and streamlined service.

Although, that could be attributed to the Prince of the Devildom sitting across from him, swirling his own glass of wine in hand, smiling with delight. Lucifer took a sip from his glass, setting it down.

"I cannot begin to thank you for taking me out this evening," he said, a bit embarrassed recalling how Diavolo had managed to get him to leave his work for a few hours. He still didn't have all the details, but Barbatos had apparently claimed the paperwork for the next week had been completed already.

Lucifer knew when he was being played, but the idea of a few hours of relaxation had been far too good to pass up, especially when he didn't have to worry about falling behind.

Clearing his throat, Lucifer continued. "I didn't realize how badly I needed a break."

Diavolo waved his free hand dismissively, setting his glass down as well. "Of course. It certainly isn't healthy to overwork. I thought this would be nice for the both of us."

He smiled as he finished the sentence, and Lucifer returned the expression. It was a lovely way to spend an evening, with nothing to interrupt and ruin the relaxing atmosphere.

Buzz. Buzz.

Lucifer frowned, glancing down to the edge of the table, where he had set his D.D.D when he had sat down. He glanced between it and Diavolo, who looked amused, not annoyed. "I'll just look at it," Lucifer murmured, slowly grabbing the device.

He steadfastly ignored Diavolo's snickering. It was probably nothing anyway, just a quick check-in from Beel, perhaps.

HoL GC

[8:01 pm]

Mammoney: HOLY FUCK

L3V1: lmao

KittyDestroyer (fuck u amso): STOP PINGING THE GC. LUCIFER CAN SEE IT YOU MORONS

Lucifer narrowed his eyes, half-tempted to ask what was going on, but no. He had promised Diavolo that he wouldn't allow himself to be distracted by his siblings being fools. He was a better man than that, going back on a promise.

Clearly, they were all goofing around and nothing of consequence was going on. Although Satan’s message was concerning, Lucifer chose to refocus himself on dinner with Diavolo.

Setting his phone down, he opened his mouth to apologize, only to find Doavolo staring wide-eyed at his own D.D.D.'s screen.

"What?" Lucifer asked, fingers itching to grab the phone and read what it read. "What is it?"

Diavolo sighed loudly, wordlessly handing his device to Lucifer. He looked disappointed. Who had the audacity to disappoint the Prince of Hell?

Time Man

I am so sorry, My Lord, but Mammon is in the hospital. (8:03 PM.)

I would have sent this to Lucifer, but I didn't want to stress him. (8:03 PM.)

Lucifer gaped at the device, slowly looking up at Diavolo, who was torn between laughing and shaking his head in disappointment. "I… how?"

Diavolo shrugged helplessly, waving one of the waitstaff over. "I suppose we should go and yell at him for whatever idiotic accident caused the injury?"

"No wonder Leviathan was laughing at him," Lucifer fumed, angrily sending a quick message of his own to his family's group chat. They owed him another night.