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metaregress · 4 months ago

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umineko noodling part 6

spoilers through episode 6 I think? just be careful out there

Back with Episode 5. I did briefly review the end of 4 to get the order of events straight and refresh myself on the final mystery and Lambda’s rebuttals to Battler’s theories, though it feels like it’s less critical since 5 mostly starts with the non-sequitur game run by Lambda, though I’m interested to see how she goes about things.

It was fun to see the idea of ‘joining a game in progress’ played with though - opening up to the tips screen to show you who had died and how and where. It was unusual that Hideyoshi was found further away from everyone else and with a different cause of death - usually the first twilight is pretty uniform. Lambda’s take on the game also puts me in mind of people telling different versions of a story, which seems like it could be an instructive lens through which to view the games. The starting parameters are uniform, but how things play out could be different each time.

I wonder if the truth of each game always points to the same thing, ie Beatrice’s identity, or if they each just give some small part of the bigger picture. For example, we got the early accusation by Bern that Natsuhi was the culprit, and the flashbacks seem to suggest it could be a result of her trying to cover up Kinzo’s death and take charge of the family. Assuming for the sake of argument that Natsuhi actually is the killer in the fifth game, could it be something like “it’s possible that due to pressure put on by the family’s investigation’s Natsuhi thinks the secret of Kinzo’s death is in danger and she kills everyone to cover it up”? Or, from a previous game, “it’s possible that Eva could solve the riddle, then kill the family to keep all the gold to herself”?

I guess to my earlier question of if the games each provide their own lens or give a piece of a bigger puzzle: it could be both. The third game (presumably) confirmed the gold’s existence, which can help shape our understanding of the overall state of the island. I say ‘presumably’ just because we may have been lied to before; in the third game, no less. We saw Hideyoshi comforting a bed-ridden Eva, but now the going theory is that she was actually out in the garden killing Rosa and Maria, and Hideyoshi was just giving her an alibi. So it’s a little hard to tell where the truth lies until it’s given in red; so far Battler has seemed like a bastion, but it’s obviously difficult to reason about everything else if we only have his limited perspective to go from. As he admits, in the fourth game he basically spent the whole time in the upstairs of the guest house, getting a few phonecalls. Though the fact that he met Beatrice himself - even at a considerable distance - is certainly intriguing in light of using him as our lens.

I got a bit sidetracked grousing about epistemology, so I want to get back to my original point, which is that we can try to use each game to learn more about the state of things on the island as well as the motives for the various family members. For example, in episode one we learn that all the adults are in dire financial straits and get the basic layout of the island. In episode four we get evidence of a tunnel connecting the hidden mansion to the main property, with multiple points of egress since Nanjo said he didn’t usually go through the well when traveling to Kuwadorain.

Speaking of learning more information, based on episode five it seems like Kinzo has been dead for about a year and some change. We see him die, then go forward to the ‘85 conference which makes me think that was the first one he was absent for. So he’s been out of the picture for quite some time at this point, and Natsuhi et al are aided in pulling off the illusion by his previous eccentricity and the fact that the rest of the family only shows up briefly each year. So he didn’t die suddenly before the events of the game - he’s been dead for quite a while. So that information could have been deduced or suspected by someone and used as part of a plan. It certainly creates an interesting question about who could have gotten their hands on his ring to mark all the envelopes going around.

One other thing that the flashback to Kinzo’s death made me think of is that I believe the flashbacks are mostly true. The asterisk is around Beatrice, whose existence in them so far has been pretty tentative. Shannon and Kanon are deep in the Rokkenjima Kool-Aid to begin with, so them ‘encountering her’ seems pretty reasonable, and nothing she did was really provable one way or another. All those relationships gaining or losing traction is easy to ‘explain by human means.’ And Natsuhi turning to Beatrice in grief and desperation after finding out that her husband had been running their finances into the ground illegally doesn’t seem unusual, and all Beatrice does in that case is approve of Natsuhi.

Reflecting on some of the nature of magic we saw through Ange, all of those cases seem to just be people wanting to believe in Beatrice to help them come to grips with various things in a similar way to what Ange and Maria were doing. But what makes Beatrice particularly interesting is that she’s a kind of shared delusion among the family, perhaps as a result of Kinzo’s obsession with her and the myth he built up around both her and himself. Because he believed so completely and obsessively, the rest of the family could start to believe in her as well.

This isn’t to say that Beatrice never existed; it seems pretty likely that she did in some capacity, and presumably had a daughter who Rosa met briefly. But the idea of her overtook the actual person or people and whatever capacity they may have existed in. It’s easy to stop there and think that she’s just an idea at this point, but her meeting Battler means that she does exist. I assume she’s third generation like the cousins, and that she’s the granddaughter of the original Beatrice. The big question mark to me is where she came from; from what I remember of Rosa’s meeting with Beatrice she was pretty much always alone. The boat captain did mention taking things over there, though I forget when he stopped - it may have been that he stopped once the Beatrice that Rosa met died. Also, that Beatrice seemed pretty out of it, being unfamiliar with the world outside her mansion, so the odds that she somehow put the events of the game into motion before she died seems pretty unlikely.

Speaking of lineages though, I’m surprised that Kinzo’s wife hasn’t come up at all. I know the women who marry into the Ushiromiya are pretty hard done by, but I’d think that anyone even remotely close to his ascension would have left a bit more of an impression. But I guess she died a long time ago so there’s been no real reason to bring her up other than speculating how much she did or didn’t know about Beatrice as Kinzo’s mistress.

Another interesting tidbit I encountered is that the flashbacks also seem to be visible to the ‘players’ and therefore are part of the story being told by the game master, since a few people mention seeing Kinzo die. The only things that I think haven’t been accessible to the players so far is Ange’s adventures in the future.

It’s fun to see all the detective-mystery conventions coming strongly to the fore in this game. Lambda initially invoked Ronald Knox’s “10 Commandments of Mysteries” and then later personified them in Dlanor. Erika’s constant evaluation of the mystery against the standards of TV dramas, as well as her borrowing of Poirot’s “little gray cells” phrase. It’s certainly helping to push more facts about the island forward since it’s a more aggressive stance for the human side to take.

I was pretty intrigued by piece-Battler going off in Kinzo’s study. It made more sense later when it was mentioned that he was being puppeteered by Lambda to antagonize Erika, though it was also interesting that Dlanor said that pieces can’t be made to act against their nature. This seems to line up with what I’d mentioned earlier, that the different games could be seen as different versions of events such as Eva finding the gold and killing to protect it. How far someone’s nature extends remains to be seen.

Speaking of Kinzo’s study, the level-mixing got pretty hectic there. Piece-Battler engaged Dlanor on the game board, leading to a rare (though certainly much more common in episode 5) on-board blue/red battle. And at the same time the investigation on the board was proceeding. And Erika was reporting back up to purgatory periodically as her position waxed or waned.

I’m curious why Beatrice was allowed to escape after all the hullabaloo to corner her in the first place; I assume it was partly to draw her out into the open and make her more vulnerable to future attacks. With player-Beatrice already out of it, I wonder if continued attacks against her on the board might lead to her starting to dematerialize like Battler had. Though I guess that would be against Lambda’s goals for the metagame, so it will be interesting to see if that’s allowed to happen or not.

Being able to swap to the Japanese was handy to investigate what makes Dlanor’s tic tick. The short answer seems to be ‘gratuitous katakana.’ Not only to use some English (like calling people ) but even for things that are normally handled by hiragana like verb conjugations. I feel like the translators did a good job creating a similar quirky feel to her lines in English, which is impressive since the trick to her speech is pretty Japanese-oriented.

Also, shout-out to the cheeky “guessing Natsuhi’s favorite season” trick that I learned the secret to from Columbo. Now I want to try drawing Columbo in this game’s style. I’d love to see his slovenly manner come into contact with the likes of Gohda, or hear him relate some random yarn about his family to Beatrice. “You know I got a niece who’s real into witchcraft too, she’s always going on about it being able to change the world. Incredible stuff.” It’s actually baffling to me that I haven’t had this thought before, especially since I saw someone commenting about Umineko replying to a Columbo account once.

Lambda saying “Untap, Upkeep, Draw” when kicking off the episode 5 game confirms the Tammy/Jenny/Spike theory as well. Plus the more I’ve seen of them the more that initial impression has been borne out, especially in Erika.

I’m quite curious to see how this Phoenix Wright-ass courtroom sequence plays out. Especially since what we’ve seen from above shows Natsuhi’s innocence directly. But if what she had seen and heard from the closet can be verified, it could give some really interesting insight into the MO of the murders.

Well, I didn’t end up learning much more about the closed-room MO from the trial since Natsuhi being the culprit got forced before they even got to discussions of the second twilight in any particular detail. But there was still a lot going on. It was interesting to see Beatrice forced to take the role of the interrogator, but also to take a more proactive approach in trying to remove the alibis of everyone but Natsuhi. And similarly seeing Erika, Bern and Lamda form ranks to try to corner Natsuhi. Whereas the witch side is normally using red truth to try to remove certainty from things, they were using it to box in Natsuhi, and by extension Beatrice. I’m a bit surprised something similar didn’t come from Eva in game 3, though I guess in that case she was still ‘a witch’ so even identifying her as the culprit didn’t mean that the crime was wholly human per se. I guess Nanjo's death was the real X-factor in that one.

The season-guessing also didn’t come up in the trial, but I’m holding out hope it will be relevant later on. Since Erika is still going forward trying to prove Natsuhi is the culprit, I assume it will be something like “only a small group of people could have known her favorite season to blackmail her, therefore only someone from among them could have blackmailed Natsuhi.” But with the trick you don’t need to know her favorite season at all - you just need access to her room.

I appreciated Natsuhi’s stubborn pride winning out over the goading of the witches - it reminded me of a much sadder version of Rudolf and Kyrie facing down the Stakes. Even if it was used for some twisted stuff, I also enjoyed the process of the witches taking advantage of Kinzo’s absence being denied to do some goofy reductio ad absurdum maneuvering - not a formal logic trick you get to dust off very often. But they really did bring cruelty on pretty much every front, especially denying her illusion of Kinzo which seemed to have been a great source of comfort for her.

It was also such a downer of an ending for the episode I wound up getting immediately baited into the tea party. It really felt like Princess Bride, with the kid complaining that Westley couldn’t really be dead because he still had true love to fulfill. Which wound up being a bit apt given the metaphor that Virgilia pursued about riddles or mysteries requiring trust. Also, speaking of Virgilia, I forgot that Beatrice was also a character name in the Divine Comedy. Apparently in that story she represents divine revelation - seems appropriate given this game’s setup. But also she represents divine love, which is probably tied into the idea of “without love, magic can’t be seen.”

I had kind of already assumed that the game could be solved, both from the lens of an outside player and also from within. Beatrice and Battler’s chat at the end of episode 4 made me think about the witch’s game as a message or means of communication, especially with the finale of the episode 4 tea party. And then someone in a comment on cohost had mentioned that the “Answer” Arcs are a bit of a misnomer because they’re really just giving you the core of the mystery but leaving the solution for you to figure out. I’m quite curious how they leave enough mystery hanging to make the reader able to solve it while still providing a satisfying resolution to the story.

Battler ascending to wield magic is really interesting though; I’m looking forward to him as a game master. I assume episode 6 will mostly be kicking Bern and Lambda out of the driver’s seat so Beatrice can come back for 7 and 8 for the real final showdown. I’ll be interested to see how Battler seeks new information now that he’s approaching the game as something to be solved and not just capricious cruelty. It will also be interesting to see how he conducts the game, and what the rules are around this newfangled gold truth.

I was also intrigued that Battler set himself up as a potential culprit in the trial, but didn’t actually confirm it in red. He didn’t need to, since all he needed was one other possibility to exist to make Natsuhi’s culpability uncertain. But especially something like “I could be the adopted child from 19 years ago” is an interesting line of argument indeed. Also, random aside but that 19 years ago number made me think of a servant who supposedly died after disrespecting Beatrice - was that 19 years ago? Or was it more recent? I don’t remember. I thought there was one who just got injured and left the job and then one who died, but it’s tough because there’s just so much of this story to keep track of. It’s a lot of words! Ok, it actually came up again somewhat recently, it was around a year ago that the servant got injured. I just wanted the 19 year connection I guess.

#cohost cross posting #umineko

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mamamittens · 8 months ago

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Alright, so I've decided on a few things and even a great climax for this little goofy story.

Mainly, her family history is very much implied and not typically referred to directly. But most of her family is actually like, FBI/CIA secret agent cop shit. So she's actually used to not knowing what the fuck people are up to when they aren't hanging out with her.

And that hit because of an inheritance I mentioned before? Oh, that's relevant now lol. She has like, a great gran who used to do hella shit for the government and the house is supposed to have the last bits of evidence of her shit. Thing is, the house doesn't have a proper address. Like, Google maps can't find it kinda thing cause it's so far out in the sticks and the old lady had a box at the post office. Nikia is set to inherit it all as long as she can find 'the password'.

The password is promised by the lawyer to be in the house. Which no one who's never visited can find.

Several people want those secret file shits and so, the hit. And all this goes down just after the revelation with the boys. Before they can figure shit out, obviously.

So color Nikia surprised when she has to make a run for it when she realizes there's someone in her apartment. Calls the first people she can think of, Thatch, and obviously he's hoping she's calling to reciprocate but quickly clocks that's not the focus right now.

Izou is with him and they lose their shit when they realize she's being stalked. Izou looks at Thatch in question and he's silently like

"It's not me! I cut way back!"

And it takes a call to Ace (in the city to mooch off Thatch's cooking for a bit) to make a daring rescue on his motorcycle to deliver her to Thatch.

There's a phonecall where she learns of her inheritance and to visit a particular lawyer's office to get the details, which they go to and receive the info about the house and all her great grans assets.

Thatch and Izou are in Go Mode and quickly try and figure out where this damn house is to get that password.

They can't find the house and short of pulling property files in every damn state, they won't.

Luckily, Nikia actually DID visit fairly often when she was younger.

No, she doesn't know the exact location. It's by memory.

Field trip it is! Maybe some action nonsense dodging hitmen with various family members pitching in cause this is the most fun they've had doing family favors in ages. Nikia just thinks they're agents and doesn't ask questions.

No one explains either, assuming she's pretending not to know.

Anyway, they get there and the house is lovely, well lived in if a bit aged, and very private. Like, you would never find this house in a million years if you didn't know that massive tree branch didn't belong there and drive down that road for five minutes in thick woods.

The start looking for whatever this password is and Nikia is admiring her grans stuff, surprised it's basically hers now.

"Fuck, how are we supposed to know what this password is?" Thatch complains, looking over a bookcase.

"Oh, I already know it."

Cue both looking at her as she blushes and shrugs.

"I was going to tell y'all but..." She trails off sheepishly. She goes over to a desk and pulls out a box of fun, kiddie erasers. Izou huffed, crowding behind her and clicking his tongue.

"But?" A little miffed but interested about what she was embarrassed about. Nikia tries to not look at him as she blushes harder.

"...well... We haven't really talked since uh... The thing. And I figured the drive would give us time to do that. Didn't expect all that excitement or I would have said something sooner... And..." Thatch leans in close so now they're on both sides of her, very intrigued about her answer. "Well... Fine. Cards on the table, it was kinda hot how you both took charge so quickly like that. You both seemed so ready to help after the... The thing. I didn't want to ruin the moment."

"Oh?"

"Ooh?"

"Well now I feel in danger. We should go. Like, now. And not talk again. Ever."

"Uh, no, I think we should absolutely continue this conversation." Thatch crows with an approving smirk from Izou.

"I-I don't think we should--eheh--sHIT!" Thatch picks her up with a smirk.

Later, they wind up at the lawyer who laughs at the password.

"Cheesecake. The one thing we could never agree on." Nikia sighs. "Oh, and here. The last of her work stuff."

It was the box of kiddie erasers.

The lawyer was her grans handler and the old lady passed before she could hand off the last of her files. Luckily, Nikia knew how fond of novelty hard drives her gran was. Couldn't send them over securely anyway and the handler didn't know where her gran would store the files as a security measure.

"What the hell??"

"Gran worked for the CIA. Secret agent stuff. Like you guys!"

They did not correct her.

I'm honor of my tendency to write/imagine Thatch/Nikia(sometimes /Izou) where he's just like, a (charming but normal) dude, here's something different!

Modern AU where Thatch is part of a company that is contract killer for hire. They're a big family with a shared passion for murder, the contracts are just to get paid. Most do feel a genuine compulsion to murder and sometimes moonlight as serial killers to handle the urge between missions. Thatch's specialty is food based murder. Allergens, poisons, you name it. If it's to do with food, he's got you covered.

Izou's more old school and tends to do traditional hitman jobs for old money families. The 'no one saw a thing, dude just dropped dead with a bullet between his eyes' type of hit. Very straightforward.

Nikia just works at a library, quietly living her life.

Anyway, Thatch is trying to satisfy an itch with Marco (medicine based kills, or if they need to infiltrate a hospital) and Ace (Arson and death by beating usually). Scoping out the nightlife and seeing how much foot traffic is present for a few pleasure kills.

Nikia walks from work late at night after doing some organizing and passes the boys as they pretend to be drunk and noisy. Resting bitch face as she listens to her music, not giving a shit.

Thatch turns to watch her go and they elbow him with a laugh.

"Oh? Found your next hot date?"

He watched her dark curls catch the streetlights.

"...I think I just did."

He can't quite decide if she'd look more beautiful with a flushed smile on her pale face or limp and lifeless in his arms.

He had plenty of time to figure it out... Izou and himself did get lonely when their jobs took them far from each other for a long time. A cute girlfriend would fill the space nicely for either of their absences.

It'd be such a waste of a pretty face for just one dinner, after all.

#mittens rambles #one piece au #ambiguous intent

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figurativepieceoftrash · 2 years ago

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wip game - 3. Sympathy for the Devil

I know you sent this forever ago but I only just now saw it while combing my inbox, sorry! Just gonna answer it now bc I'm bored, but fair warning, I REALLY wanna go off about this one so... this is gonna be a lot. Also this is a psych horror fic so. Keep that in mind

The final fight is over and Izuku won without the heroes suffering any (plot relevant) casualties. He himself sustained very few injuries, none of which were serious, and was able to save Shigaraki and convince him to attend rehabilitation along with a considerable number of the lov

Not long before Izuku killed afo in their one on one battle, he was told about dfo (bc of course it's a dfo fic lol), and believes that afo might've thrown the fight based on his own ease of victory and excellent physical condition post-fight

Even more strange, afo reached out to grab Izuku’s hand before he died, but doesn't seem to have done anything to harm him via the action

Izuku is concerned, but doesn't say anything to the vestiges bc of how happy they appear in the immediate aftermath. When he does finally talk to recovery girl, she finds nothing wrong, and ascribes his lingering anxiety to trauma, instructing him to relax and enjoy the downtime he's fought for

He asks the vestiges if afo did anything freaky quirk-wise, but they all answer that they can't detect anything off. Oddly enough though, Izuku begins to have very strange reoccuring dreams that seem to be taking place in the mindscape wherein strange, obscured figures approach him with silent urgency. The vestiges deny any involvement in these, however, and similarly suggest that Izuku is suffering from a form of ptsd

Izuku decides not to tell anyone ab dfo bc it doesn't seem to be especially relevant following his father's death, and less admittedly doesn't want to draw connections between the two of them. Afo was actually a very good father to Izuku in the trademark absent dfo sense, with regular phonecalls, checks, etc. Making their way to the Midoriyas prior to afo's imprisonment. This means that Izuku is still quite a bit conflicted over killing his father and hasn't fully processed the realization yet

He suspects that his father might've truly cared for him and thrown the fight for his safety, but won't fully admit this to himself, as he doesn't like how it reflects on his actions

Izuku receives constant compliments, thanks, and congratulations from both his peers and professional heroes, though each only serves to exacerbate his anxiety regarding his fight with afo. While everyone else seems to be incredibly happy and thriving, he's constantly plagued by nightmares, stress, insomnia, and an uneven temper

When speaking to class 1a the first day of school, he lets slip a very cynical and unheroic sentiment regarding current events. Although he sees nothing wrong with his words, his friends have very strong reactions, and he naturally draws connections between the sentiments he just expressed and afo's latent ones after he realizes how uncharacteristic they were

He finds himself thinking similar thoughts throughout the day and grows gradually more concerned. Eventually, he asks the vestiges, specifically Yoichi, for advice, and is told that his newfound cynicism is a natural response to the trauma he's suffered. Izuku rejects this explanation, but not aloud, hoping to deny any potential similarities to his father

There's a lot of sanity questioning, identity questioning, regret, etc. I do like my usual themes

Obviously, this being one of my fics as well as an efition to my psychological horror catalog, things get worse. I feel like the twist is obvious already, but if it isn't and you're cool with spoilers, afo passed his quirk and vestige on to Izuku directly prior to his death, and is doing something very similar to him to what he did to Tomura, who he only faked losing control of. He obviously has no reservations about sacrificing his original body so... all according to plan and all that :)

#ask game #wip #my writing #my fic

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destinygoldenstar · 2 years ago

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How Dhar Mann Doesn’t Get Anime Fans (Analyzing Mean Girls Shame Teen For Anime)

(Recommended by @womanofwords)

I will be honest with this one. I am not big on anime. I watched Pretty Cure, I watched Madoka Magica awhile back (Which I LOVE) And I watched 90s Sailor Moon when I was twelve. I did not like it.

Other than that, I am not huge on the shows. In fact I wasn’t really planning on covering this post, but since you guys insisted.

I don’t even understand why Dhar Mann finds ANIME to be a topic worth discussing. Anime doesn’t change lives, it’s a media people like. A LOT of people like by the way, so bullying someone about liking anime kind of sounds stupid. But I guess Dhar Mann just runs out of ideas for bullying videos.

Advice Dhar: Maybe don’t make bullying videos if you have no more ideas. Make something else, a story about someone going through life, or caring for someone, or something positive. I’m not saying never make bullying videos again, just take a break from them if you need to.

I’m addressing the video and what I find AS I’m watching them, so if this seems more discovery writing to you guys, that’s why.

Right off the bat, I can’t believe I never addressed this before, even though I figured it out a long time ago:

Nearly EVERY video, there’s an excuse for the adults to not be a scene so that the bullies can get away with being bullies. What is that?

A PHONECALL.

EVERY time, the adult has a phone call, they have to step out, and therefore, the bully can bully in peace.

Because we can’t have the adults in the room, then they would be able to stop the bullying from happening, cause I guess other students aren’t capable of telling the adults anything.

I can excuse it if it was a one time thing, but ALL THE TIME? It gets ridiculous.

“I need to step out for a minute. Finish your worksheets and I’ll be right back.”

MY impression of it: “Nobody is calling me, I just want to get a latte and leave work early.”

(That would at least give the cliché PERSONALITY)

It’s also not realistic in a school setting. In a work environment, maybe, but teachers would often just make the phone calls in class, cause they need to watch over their kids and they can’t leave. Maybe that’s just my experience, but just something I’d bring up.

I didn’t make this a heading because it’s not necessarily a ‘bad message’, just there. Thought I’d point it out.

Like, “OOH, taking a phone call is a bad message! How dare you teach this to kids!”

No, I’m fine with it, it’s just dumb writing.

So moving on to the actual plot, I thought it’d be ‘anime girl gets bullied’ but no. It’s actually more than that!

1: Drawing people without permission

Don’t do this. I already said this in a previous post.

“Also, drawing your crush on paper isn’t cute. It’s creepy. Keep in mind that’s ENTIRELY my opinion, but I find that creepy. Unless you have a partner, and they’re okay with you drawing them, DON’T DO THIS.”

“I agree with the bullies here, the nerd girl is a CREEP.”

This isn’t okay. Drawing people with no permission is just creepy. I get she didn’t WANT anyone to see it, but it’s still wrong if you ask me. And ever since the post where I said that, I’ve seen a few people agree with me.

Draw a fictional character? That’s okay. They’re fictional.

Draw an animal? Also okay. Kind of cute actually.

Draw a REAL LIFE PERSON?

You see where I’m going with this?

This isn’t even about anime, this is a girl (poorly) calling out a stalker.

“Hey Chase, looks like you got yourself a little stalker.”

I agree bully character. You could have been nicer about it, but you are in the right to tell him so he can call her out! Or at least, have him talk to her on whether or not he’s okay with her drawing him.

(She didn’t even draw it like this Chase character. That doesn’t look anything like him, like the bullies say)

For real, if this girl didn’t want to be outed on her crush, DON’T BRING THE NOTEBOOK TO SCHOOL

Boom, problem solved!

So moving on with the plot, the girl makes the excuse that it’s for a project. An anime series contest where the prize is a lot of money. (Of course there is)

And blah blah blah, bully bullies and says she’ll never win cause her drawing methods ARE IMPERSONATING PEOPLE WITH NO PERMISSION.

Is anime girl at least gonna be called out for this and find a different method to do her series?

NOPE.

She’s deemed as completely RIGHT to do this!

(Okay, NOW I see why you guys wanted me to address this video)

I can actually speak from experience at least in drawing in general. I do a lot of writing, I draw a lot of my characters. Sometimes I do fanfics (Currently doing a Pretty Sure fanseries, which is anime, and two Total Drama fics on Ao3, one is a Danganronpa crossover, the other is a rewrite of Season 2. My username there is ‘AnalyzGolden’ if you want to check those out.)

I never drew real people. I never had major crushes in school. I was, (and still am to be honest) a pretty introverted person. I get heavily stressed out in classes from the number of people there, and I was treated like some Wierdo imbecil sometimes. To be fair, they were kinda right, I tend to laugh or cry for no apparent reason (Autism), and I’m into stuff a lot of people aren’t.

It wasn’t until high school where I fell in love with someone specific, and we have a great relationship currently. I’m actually pretty sexually repulsed by a lot of guys who flirted with me, and I had no problem turning them down right in front of hundreds of people. That warranted a lot of bullying cause... LGBTphobia I guess.

But that’s where it ended for me in the drawing department. Being unable to relate to my classmates. Nobody cared that I was drawing, they just minded their own business. Nobody wanted to END MY WORK.

But that’s what the bullies in this video want to do, as though exploiting a stalker wasn’t enough. Why do these bullies want to ruin a girl’s anime dreams when she did nothing to them?

No idea. It’s a Dhar Mann video. Shut up and consume the drama.

2: Do NOTHING When Bullying Is Happening

Why are these cafeteria extras not doing anything as well? When there’s BLATANT bullying happening.

Now fun story, (Or bad memory for me) one time at lunch, a teacher was bullying a kid in the middle of his lunch for some sort of ‘bad’ behavior, like talking to friends during class (It was stupid). They claimed he wasn’t allowed to talk to ANYONE at lunch AT ALL as punishment.

I felt pitty for him, but it was written all over my face.

I got DETENTION, because I LOOKED at that with PITY.

I didn’t even say anything, I just saw it, and I got screamed at for seeing it. Not kidding.

I believed I was in the wrong to see pity in ‘bad students’ for a long time, until midway through my high school years, where I FINALLY opened my eyes and saw how messed up things were. If anything, I look back at that memory now, and say to myself, ‘I should have gotten up, and DID SOMETHING about it.’

That’s a moral I have for all of you: If you see anything you feel is unfair, DO SOMETHING. People’s minds will not be changed if you just sit there and stare.

(I mean, okay, one extra in this scene does say something, but the bully tells them to stay out of it, and they do)

3: Villainizing Real People Is Great. It’s Just Fiction, So No Harm Can Be Done

THIS NEEDS TO BE CALLED OUT.

This anime girl is IN THE WRONG HERE.

She’s VILLAINIZING a REAL PERSON, for her anime series, just because she doesn’t like her!

THIS IS WRONG.

Now, if it was someone like Hitler, I get it. But other than that, villainizing someone using media in the publics eye, and giving them zero sense of grey area or addressing they are people, is WRONG TO DO.

Now, people DO fall into doing this several times. Heck, I fell into this.

I had a REALLY toxic friend for most of my school life. Wouldn’t let me hang out with other people, would curse all the time, would force me to hang out with them all the time, would make me do all the things they liked when I didn’t. And they ALSO would steal my work and show them to people against my consent!

See, I CAN relate to the video!

Trust me when I say, when I found success in a writing project, similarly to the one in the video, that friend made me suffer.

It was a writing project we had to do in middle school, and present it to the whole class. I was last, and then the entire school said ‘put this one on a podium! You deserve rewards!’

Then when I thought I would be thrilled about it, that ‘friend’ put me in a stranglehold, just to tell me I cheated and that I didn’t deserve it. That I was a bad person, and that my work was harmful.

No one else saw that. They loved it. But because I was attached to that friend, I believed every word, and I felt guilty about my entire project. Even when I got a shiny ribbon for it, I was so ashamed of it that I threw it away.

That’s what this kind of bullying does to people, and it’s not what the video is portraying. If anything, they’re making the bully look like a saint. And that gives me a lot of bad memories.

I also made that friend my VILLAIN in a video game. I told them, and they loved it, but that did have an affect on them later where they just... ended up in ALL the wrong places in life.

I was lucky enough to stop being friends with her before I could fall there too.

So a good message would be to NOT DO THAT and see people for people.

Instead, Dhar Mann is being irresponsible of feelings and playing it off as a joke. In fact, not even a joke, a THOUSAND DOLLAR WORTHY ACTION.

And what’s the girl’s excuse?

“My series needed a villain.”

Yeah...

You’re still wrong.

“Serves you right for drawing people without their permission.”

AGAIN, THIS IS A CORRECT RESPONSE.

The ACTION was over the top, Heather could have handled that better, but SHE HAS A GOOD REASON.

I don’t feel bad for the anime girl AT ALL. I’m ROUTING FOR THE BULLY.

I SHOULDN’T BE ROUTING FOR ART BEING DESTROYED.

Why are the cafeteria people only NOW doing something and comforting the anime girl? Let alone saying “You didn’t deserve that”?

4: Bullying Videos Are Funny

Oh yeah, and THE WHOLE SCHOOL finds the bullying funny, because in Dhar Mann videos, MEAN SPIRITED BEHAVIOR IS FUNNY.

AND IF EVERYONE FINDS IT FUNNY, IT MAKES THE ENTIRE WORLD LOOK MEAN SPIRITED, WHICH IS NOT TRUE.

Have you ever thought that MAYBE people have common sense Dhar Mann?

WHO is laughing at a blatant bullying video?

I can get behind one or two people who were friends with the bully, I’ve seen that happen before, BUT AN ENTIRE SCHOOL?

LET ALONE that a video like THAT can get OVER A MLLION VIEWS?

(NO ONE gets 30,000 followers in a day. NO ONE

(Bruh, my max views so far has been 2000)

I’m just concerned on how many people are going to misinterpret that and see that this is normal behavior, and they should do it as well.

Again, I wouldn’t mind if it got explained or called out in an interesting way, but it’s not. So the bad writing overshadows the message here, and makes it look like laughing at a bullying video is normal.

Also “Is it the Heather girl?”

That line is funny to me.

WHY is it that EVERY mean girl in media is named Heather? First Total Drama, then Heathers, now this.

I’m okay with the message that ‘Being different is what makes you special.’

IF IT WAS WRITTEN IN BETTER CONTEXT.

Trust me, I’m different, I’ve been told I was special for that. Someone came up to me this very day, and said I was their favorite person in the room. I had a bad day, but still, that’s a plus.

5: Don’t Report Bullying To The Authorities

If your kid is being bullied, in ANY WAY, or are emotionally hurt, you as a parent, TELL THE AUTHORITIES. NO MATTER WHAT THE KID SAYS. They need the help and support, and need to go to adults that will help them with the situation.

I was okay with the mom and supporting her kid so much until that point. She doesn’t need to make a deal with her kid, she should go out that car door and tell the principal, and NOT hear her kid’s protests.

I know I said ‘listen to your child’ but in this context? It’s HELPING them.

That’s brief, but still something to say.

6: Fiction Can Become Extremely Successful In A Day

Not possible. Especially with no marketing.

SUCCESS TAKES TIME.

WRITING A BOOK TAKES TIME.

MAKING A MOVIE TAKES TIME.

EVEYRTHIN TAKES TIME.

Let alone being successful.

You know now much stuff has NOT been successful? And is left forgotten about in a slush pile? That NO ONE views?

Success is not guaranteed. Marketing helps your chances, but doesn’t guarantee success. It especially takes TIME to be successful.

Like I said, my most popular media out right now is a Total Drama Danganronpa fic, that only has nearly 2000 views right now. That’s VERY successful in my eyes, cause that’s the MOST success I’ve ever gotten so far.

And it TOOK TIME.

I began that back in APRIL.

So there’s my proof.

7: “Think of Heather as a demon”

Yes, think of a person as SATAN.

THAT’S HEALTHY.

NOT.

I’m not kidding, THAT IS AN ACTUAL LINE.

NO, DO NOT THINK OF PEOPLE AS DEMONS.

JUST IGNORE THEM, THAT’S ALL YOU GOTTA DO.

I’m sorry, but I have NO IDEA what kind of message Dhar Mann is sending here.

You should see people you don’t get along with as irredeemable monsters?

People are demons?

Only certain people are angels?

This bully is not a demon. She is a person.

And for THE MOM to ENCOURAGE DEMONIZING A TEENAGER?!

I mean, @frugalmoney also talked about that in their post on this video, links here if you guys want to check it out:

https://www.tumblr.com/blog/view/frugalmoney/692174846404296704?source=share

You can’t demonize people. Rather, you will, that’s human nature, but you need to learn to understand what people are going through.

I myself had to learn that lesson THE HARD WAY.

I saw people as demons. That got me a ton of bullying and hate. I had to be called out for me bossing people around that they are people going through a lot of stuff.

Now, in some cases, demon is an adjective that’s necessary, like with terrorists, criminals, those kinds of bad people, I understand that. BUT NOT IN THIS VIDEO’S CONTEXT.

I get what the mom is trying to say in that scene. “Obstacles happen, obstacles are what make for a great story, you’re gonna struggle” Blah blah blah. That stuff is fine. That ONE LINE though, changes it all. This mom is now saying, “Everyone is mean, slay them in your head and do your own thing.”

If that line DIDN’T EXIST, the scene would have a legit good message. Like, I would have no problems with the scene.

Oh yeah, and SNIPERWOLF is in this video!

For... LITERALLY NO REASON.

Seriously, you can remove her from the plot, and not much would change.

You can literally just have the mom’s speech be the girl’s influence to go to school, and progress the story from there.

Now, to be clear, I DON’T watch SniperWolf’s videos. I’m not saying they’re bad, I’m sure they have really great content, but I’m not a viewer, and it just never clicked to me as something I need to see. And I’m sure Sniperwolf is a fine person in real life, (EDIT: Scratch that. I recently got proof from a follower that this statement is strongly false), so I do not want that to sound offensive in any way.

But I am aware of the videos she HAS appeared in. The Gamer Girl two parter, and the Janitor video, I’ve seen those.

In my personal opinion, she’s not a good actor? Like at all. Sorry, but you can easily tell she’s reading the script from on a computer screen or behind camera when she’s acting, and it’s distracting. (You can literally see from her glasses that she’s reading the script)

Maybe I’m being harsh because I DO take acting classes, but it’s just something I’d point out. On top of that, her only reason for being here is to advertise for her videos. With the exception of the Gamer Girl two parter, where she was the mentor, SniperWolf can be removed from the videos, and nothing changes.

She is literally there just for advertisement.

Now, I’m aware how much she supports Dhar Mann and that she reacts to his videos. And if she’s happy, good for her.

“Being different is what makes you cool.”

Previously: “Being different is what makes you special.”

She didn’t even get the line right tho...

So blah blah SniperWolf goes to school with the student, and now EVERYONE loves the student because someone famous is with them. NOTHING that has to do with them as a person.

(Now, why does that sound familiar to a previous Dhar Mann vid...?)

Has Dhar Mann ever been to school? This isn’t allowed.

It also sends another bad message that you have to reach out to famous people to get people to like you. Not true. It’s just cheap. And also exploits

8: Fame is Everything

A bunch of doctors, therapists, a ton of folks, have addressed that fame and having followers WILL NOT make you happy. They will not fulfill you.

You could have a million followers, and not be happy.

Doctor Mike actually reacted to Dhar Mann videos and said this very thing.

This goes for a lot of videos as well that Dhar Mann makes. He frames it as though having followers on social media is the Ultimate Happiness. That THIS is how you will have a happy life. And having like, 41 followers is a BAD THING. (I have 41 followers, It’s not a bad thing at all. I’m proud of it)

It’s gross if you ask me. Maybe there’d be a Dhar Mann video where the idea of followers making you happy gets called out, but nope.

Closest to that I’ve seen was in a Mikey video where he faked a disability to get a million followers, and his punishment there was that ALL those followers hated him and told him to give up and quit. (This was deemed as something he deserved, and that everyone’s in the right to be trash to him on social media).

If SniperWolf never showed up to the plot, these kids would NOT be interested in the anime girl at all.

If anything, removing SniperWolf from the plot ENTIRELY would make the story BETTER, because THEN the kids would be impressed by the anime girl by her OWN merits.

Oh yeah, and the anime girl gets the boy she stalked on. But like, who cares?

Dhar Mann also encourages kids to watch ‘Bleach’

Reminder: ‘Bleach’ is rated MATURE.

“While it's more like a traditional cartoon than some of the other, darker Adult Swim offerings, BLEACH is clearly geared toward mature audiences, and some scenes and themes will likely give families pause.” -Commonsensemedia

(They didn’t even get the character design that the guy is cosplaying as right)

You could have picked Dragon Ball, or something more kid friendly, but NOPE.

And also the anime girl gets everything she wants, bully girl gets left in the dust and has to go to her for help years later. (Remember kids, your bullies will only resort to your SERVANTS in the future)

Honestly, I never would have watched this video if it weren’t for your recommendations. I ended up having A LOT more to talk about than I initiated.

Like, THANK YOU for bringing this video to my attention.

I didn’t think much of it from the title, wondered why everyone wanted me to review it, and after watching it, I understand. There was a ton of bad messages here.

Now I might be rambling in this, and that’s mainly cause I had a no good day. Anxiety problems. I get heavily stressed from being given too much and poorly instructed work. But thankfully I had some kind people there to help me through it.

That also goes to all of you who supported me through this. I get bashed extremely hard on Youtube, (I legit got called a KAREN recently) so it’s nice to have a site where followers get my POV.

And that’s all I have for you guys, have a great rest of your day.

#Dhar Mann #Bad Messages #Anime #Demon Slayer #Black and White

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1kook · 4 years ago

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skirt chasers - drabble iii

this a skirt chasers drabble in case u couldn't tell uhhh here’s i and ii lol

summary; “I think the alcohol broke my amygdala. Your epidermis looks pretty today— did you use that toner I told you about?” warnings; alcohol mention, tit sucking, unprotected sex, use of the pull out method, uhh making out??? ratings; mature (18+) misc; educational abolitionist!jungkook, drunk jk, mentions of throwing up lol, jk is an anatomy frEAK, more skirts, more jk has questionable kinks wc; like barely 2k

notes; i wrote this in like 40 mins bc i couldn't stop thinking about STIMBO jk from skirt chasers and how cool he is enjoy xxxx also i barely rmr shit from anatomy bc it was the worst course of my life so pls bear with me

His first mistake is getting drinks with the boys. You like to think you know your boyfriend pretty well, know what he’s good at, where he excels, where he thrives, and well. Drinking doesn’t rank too high on the list.

Jimin calls a little past midnight. “Kook’s on the table,” he slurs into the phone, too loud and too sloppy for a Wednesday night phonecall.

“Ha?” you mumble back, rubbing your eyes until you see stars. The room is dark, practically spinning from how out of it you are. Chaeyoung is dead asleep in her room, so even whispering feels like a crime. “Where are you guys?”

Some bar on the south side of town, that strip where all the newly turned twenty-one year olds go to get wasted. Jungkook’s supposed to be studying for some big exam he has on Friday— at least, that’s what he told you —so it takes a few minutes of convincing on Jimin’s part until you’re shrugging your coat on, blindly navigating through your apartment for your keys and wallet. You briefly consider taking an Uber, but ultimately decide you’d rather get stabbed to death on a public bus so at least your family can sue the city afterwards.

Jungkook is indeed on the table, except the table has long since tipped over. So now he’s just sprawled across some dirty bar floor, puppy-soft head of curls spilling over his forehead. He’s so cute, so adorable. You want to kill him. “Up,” you command, channeling the strength of twelve football players to haul your beefy boyfriend off the ground.

“Baby,” he beams, looking at you but not actually looking at you. “I think the alcohol broke my amygdala. Your epidermis looks pretty today— did you use that toner I told you about?”

You don’t even know what that means, can’t even question him, because then Jin is angrily yelling at you to cover his tab. You pay with a stiff middle finger, flail the three dollars in your wallet at him, before sweeping away your poor damsel in distress. “You’re supposed to be studying,” you huff, can’t even be mad when he stops to throw up in a bush outside the bar. You’re so embarrassed, pretend you don’t know him as you pull up the bus times on your phone.

He’s huffy by the time you get on the bus, sniffling against your neck as he cries about his common hepatic portal vein thing— you don’t fucking know.

Chaeyoung isn’t too impressed with you when you bring him home, dump him on the couch while she steals your AirPods from your room. “Explain yourself,” you demand, and his head rolls back.

“I hate school,” he complains, slaps a hand down against his forehead. You’re certain he’s concussed himself this time. Then he’s bending over, head held between his hands. “Wanna cry.”

You sigh, kneeling in front of him. “You’re almost done,” you comfort him, hand on the back of his head. He’s so sweaty, and smells like all his friends colognes at the same time. “You’re smart, baby, you can do this.”

Your words have the opposite effect, because then he’s rocking forward childishly, nearly rams your skulls together and kills you. He’s reached the point of his insobriety where he’s too sad and huffy to think, sadly leaning against your shoulder as if that’ll somehow solve all his problems. You doubt it will, but there’s really nothing much you can when Jungkook reaches this point, so you settle on softly patting the back of his head until the fool is fucking snoring against you.

Chaeyoung blesses you with her divine retribution the next morning by using up the last of your body wash, and then you’re left to deal with a hungover Jungkook on a Thursday morning. You’re pretty sure he had a class that morning, but he wakes up too late for you to even try to convince him to still go, and then he’s moping on your couch in last night’s clothes. You’re getting ready for your internship, blouse half buttoned, pencil skirt wiggled up to your waist.

“Abolish exams,” he mutters, numbly staring at the ceiling as you wipe his face with a cleansing towelette. He doesn’t seem remotely interested in the shower or the pancakes you made, which lets you know this is a much more serious issue than just a drunken episode. “Aren’t they stupid?” You nod. “Sure, test me on every damn thing we’re learning right now as if science isn’t always changing and I’ll have to keep learning anyway.”

He looks over at you, under-eye bags absolutely horrendous. “Tests are stupid,” you agree, and it seems to be exactly what he wants to hear as he sinks into your arms, face buried in your chest. “Too stupid for smarty-pants Jeon Jungkook.”

Jungkook groans, flops over you on the couch all smelly and gross. “They test you for memorization and not comprehension,” he adds, finally wiggling out of his stinky clothes.

With Jungkook, you can never tell where things are going. One minute he’s cursing the education system and the next he’s kissing along your neck in his rambling fury. “As if I these materials will somehow become nonexistent once I’m working,” he huffs, hands on your thighs. Your breath hitches in your throat, fingers digging into his biceps as he mindlessly kisses down the valley between your breasts. “Shit’s so fucking stupid,” he spits, bunching your skirt around your waist.

“Jeon—“

“I’m just trying to be a fuckin’ pediatrician, for fuck’s sake,” he growls, hastily undoes the front buttons on your blouse. Your black bra comes into view, heart pounding in your chest as Jungkook makes quick work of reaching behind and undoing it, pushing it away, and cupping your breasts in his palms. He guides one of your legs around his waist, tucks it around him as he gets to work raining down kisses on your tits. “So pretty, doll,” he murmurs, pretty pink lips leaving smooches down your chest.

You bite down on your lip, watch through hazy eyes as those big doe eyes flick up at you, tongue swirling around your nipple. “N— Not tired anymore?” you pant, hands in his hair. It’s still dry and knotted from last night’s adventures, but you don’t mind. Not when Jungkook’s hard cock is flush against your thigh.

“Nah,” he confirms, rolling his hips forward against your core. Oh he was horny horny this morning. Or was he angry horny? You don’t care, either way you were winning. “I serenaded you last night, y’know?”

You snort, but it morphs into a whimper when he captures your rock hard nipple between his perfect teeth. “Not a serenade,” you whimper, fingernails running along his scalp, “if I’m not there.”

Jungkook leans back, lets you breathe for a second as he unbuckles the front of his pants, jeans pulled down around his thighs. And of course he’s hard as fuck by now; this was Jeon Jungkook you were dealing with. He could get it up and going in two seconds flat at the mere sight of your collarbones. “You were there,” he insists, capturing your hand in his all romantic like until you’re flustered and shaking him off. He levels you with a cheesy grin, presses your palm against his chest. “Here.”

You gag. “That’s disgusting.”

Jungkook laughs, all squeaky and airy because he’s never given a fuck about looking cool in front of you. His next words only prove your point. “Why? Don’t like being nestled against my left lung and esophagus, all sexy like?”

You roll your eyes, tug your panties aside to give him a full view of what his dorky anatomical talk has done to you. “Dick me down or go away,” you say, pointer finger nudging his chin up when he stares too long

He snaps his teeth at you, almost bites your finger, the fuckin’ weirdo. “Sassy today,” he teases, presses the tip of his cock against you. Both of you groan, watch as he glides himself up and down your folds, angry mushroom head pushing against your clit. “Always so wet for me,” he mumbles shakily, eyes zeroed in on your wet folds and how slick they feel against him. “Didn’t stretch you out again.”

“Yo— You’re mean about that anyway,” you pant, pulling him closer by those firm ass cheeks of his. “I can tell when you’re using me as a reference model.”

Jungkook gasps as if he’s genuinely scandalized by your claim, follows your wordless command and finally lines himself up with your quivering entrance. “I’m a hands-on learner,” he offers, his cheeky smile still on his face until he finally sinks into you and his features twist up all pretty. “Your pussy’s just so pretty, baby,” he grunts, hand on your hip.

Your face feels warm, from the pleasure that rolls over your body and the vulgarity of his words. “Shush now,” you say, try to sound strict and in command, but he’s got his other hand cupping your jaw, looking at you like you’re a goddess and not some dorky college student in their even dorkier internship uniform.

“Temptress,” he mumbles, pushes past your clenching lips until he’s flush against you, your walls spasming around his cock because he just feels so good. “Tried to sneak past me in that tiny skirt.” He draws back, lets his swollen head catch at the entrance before sliding back in, pace slow and sensual, too intimate for some random Thursday morning. “Little doll just needs to be fucked in the morning, doesn’t she?” A pitiful whimper catches in your throat, eyes rolling to the back of your head with every glide of his dick back inside of you.

“N- Not my fault you have naughty eyes,” you whimper, hand coming up to bite at your knuckles as Jungkook continues to fuck you so sweetly. “Fuck.”

Jungkook ducks over you, wavy hair tickling your forehead as his hot breath fans across you. Smells like the mouthwash you made him take and hints of last night’s alcohol. “Can’t help it,” he husks, capturing your lips in his. Sloppy and wet, tongue clashing with yours as he guides you along, hips slowing to rhythmic ruts that have you moaning after each roll.

A few drawn-out thrusts later and you’re coming, body so sensitive this early in the morning, and it certainly doesn’t help that Jungkook looks like that (sweaty and worn, dark eyes watching you writhe beneath him). Surprisingly, it takes him a few more rushed thrusts before he follows, barely managing to pull out in time before his sparkling cum is splattering over your tummy and the skirt bunched around it. “No,” you whine, melting into the couch. “Jeon, this is my only one,” you complain, rubbing a hand over your eyes as if that’ll somehow make your legs work again enough to push him off.

Jungkook says nothing as he tucks himself back into his boxers, chest heaving from exertion as he crashes back onto the couch. “Liar,” he responds after a moment, out of breath and half asleep again. He’s still technically hungover. Hand lazily drawing circles on your knee as you sit up, wiggling your skirt back down. He gives you this indecipherable look. “I hid the other one under your dresser.”

You smack his arm. “Why the hell would you—“

He tackles you back into the couch, presses the stain into your skirt. It must feel gross against his naked tummy, but Jungkook doesn’t seem to care. “Makes me too horny,” he announces, pout pressed against your neck. “I had a teacher fantasy the other day. Did I tell you?” You roll your eyes, resigning yourself to this new life squashed beneath your boyfriend. “You were my high school anatomy teacher and I failed, so you made me stay after school for supplemental lessons—“

“That’s an abuse of power,” you point out, back to carding your hands through his now sweaty and greasy hair. “And you would never fail an anatomy class, that’s literally your comfort area of study.”

“Listen,” he stresses, lifts his head until he’s peering at you with these humongous Bambi eyes. “You spanked me and—“

“Go get my skirt.”

#bangtanhq #networkbangtan #jungkook smut #jeon jungkook smut #jjk smut #jeon jungkook fic #jungkook fic #bts smut #jungkook x reader smut #jungkook x reader #sc universe #skirtverse #mine #skirtfic

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occult-roommates · 2 years ago

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Setting the record bi

After the bombshell that was Daniele’s reveal, Dawud had to call Ralf. Except first he had to go to work. As soon as he made it to the airport, he grabbed his phone, responsabilities be damned. He had worse stuff to worry about.

Meanwhile, Ralf was in a hotel room near the San Myshuno International Airport. He was supposed to go back home in Windenburg the day before, but that flight got cancelled due to dangerous weather conditions and now he’s stuck there for almost another day. Yippee.......

Anyway, as he was doing his absolute best to forget about his boredom, seeing a phonecall from Dawud seemed like good news. Unless Akva is in a crisis again, but he likes her, she’s a nice girl, he wants to protect her so much. All of this to say that innocently, he answered it and oh boy. Maybe he should have just not.

Ralf: Hallo. Dawud: YOU FUCKING MADE OUT WITH DANIELE?! YOU KNOW I WANT TO BE HIS BOYFRIEND WHAT THE FUCK DUDE! Ralf: ...What...

Ralf stood up, in pure confusion, then did like a lot of people do sometime on the phone, which is just walk around.

Dawud: Yeah, he told me he made out with you while Magdalena watched on Facetime. Ralf: Who the fuck is Magdalena?? Dawud: ...Your wife... Ralf: That is not even remotely close to my wife’s name. Dawud: ...Oh. Ralf: Also, even if he had somehow manage to get my wife’s name out of the millions of female names out there, trust me, he would still be lying. I have no interest in making out with a guy who’s young enough to be my son, no offense. No problem befriending, but making out...no that’s just weird. Especially if my wife is just awkwardly watching us through Facetime...Actually, I think this is my personal definition of Hell, and I’m Jewish, I don’t even believe in Hell. Dawud: Ah um...well...Alright then, sorry for bothering you that early. Have a nice day. Ralf: Thanks, you too.

Dawud hung up, and went to do his job. On one hand, he was relieved to find out Daniele had lied, on the other...why did he felt the need to do so in the first place? Wait...What if Ralf is the one lying uh? In fact, like an idiot, he forgot to ask what his wife’s actual name is! Though in this case he could be lying about what her name is...Aaaah why can’t he tell whether people are being honest or not?! Though really, he’s more inclined to believe Ralf, he gave good enough argument as to why this story is fake, on top of sounding genuinely confused.

As for Ralf, he went back to doing his stuff. However, in spite of Dawud wishing him a nice day, he had a gut feeling he wasn’t going to have one...No, literally, his stomach made a noise you never ever want your stomach to made. Which he really shoudn’t be surprised considering everything that was laying in front of him on a coffee table.

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#ts4 #sims 4 #the sims 4 #simblr #ts4 simblr #sims community #sims 4 community #ts4 screenshots #ts4 gameplay #ts4 storytelling #gay sims #gay simblr #occult roommates #dawud sahan #ralf montag #long post #OcRo s1

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football-writing · 3 years ago

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Mason Mount - Always

Prompt: I love you, and I will love you until I die, and if there's a life after that, I'll love you then

Summary: Mason and Y/N have been in love forever. It takes a graduation dinner for him to finally come clean about his feelings.

Warnings: friends to lovers aye, mentions of graduation, some tears were shed but it's all good! Also very little dialogue bc i wanted to try something different :)

If someone asked him how long he's been in love with her, he wouldn't know what to tell them. It had developed gradually, really.

First they were friends, meeting for the first time as she got transferred to his school. She'd been quite the character. On the frist day she was there, she'd asked the boys if she could play football with them. They said no girls were allowed, so she stole the ball from one of Mason's friends, dribbled around two other boys and kicked the ball right between the legs of the goalie. He'd admired her then, her cheekiness bringing a boyish grin to his face, and they easily hit it off. She would never allow him to go easy on her, although she would sometimes get in a mood when he'd win for the twentieth time that day. He'd cheer her up and ask her to play at his house, playing boardgames and watching cartoons as they chatted amongst themselves every schoolday.

She'd slowly grown out of playing football with him; clearly they were on different levels entirely nowadays. Still, they remained close friends. He'd gone off to London, then, and it was hard at first. But they would call all the time (he hated phonecalls, but she said she preferred hearing his voice, and so he called her almost daily) and she would come to his home games to cheer him on. He had given her a Chelsea shirt with his name on it, and she'd joked that people would think they were together. The words left his mouth before he could register that he was talking: 'Would that be such a bad thing?' She had remained silent, but the blush that adorned her cheeks must've meant something, right?

It was a silly thing he said back then, though he often lets his mind wander back to that day. Perhaps he was just being ballsy, or joking around, gauging her reaction to a topic that she brought up. But somewhere after those words, the lines had blurred. Their goodbye hugs lingered a little longer, the gazes between them seeming to be softer - a little too soft for two people to just call themselves friends. He would take notice of the way she twirled her hair around her fingers when she was nervous, how her locks would shine in the sunlight. Her scent - sweet and faintly resembling the smell of spring - edged into his memory.

She had felt it, too. It started with missing him more than she used to when he was away for his job. She'd resorted to sleeping in one of his hoodies, just to miss him a little less. Then, she'd set one of their selfies together as her lockscreen, Mason pulling a silly face as she kissed his cheek. A smile would edge onto her face anytime she opened her phone. And when he'd lost a game and got all upset, biting his fingernails to hide his anxiousness, her heart would break for him too. She would do anything to cheer him up. Though, mostly she just wanted to hear his beautiful laugh ringing in her ears - the one that made his nose scrunch up and his eyes crease at the corners.

It wasn't something they spoke about, or ever acknowledged. But the pair was awfully aware of how much the line had blurred since that day on the playground.

But if asked about the moment he knew she was it for him? He'd tell them it was this very moment. Some would say it was cliché, that it was something straight out of a movie. And maybe it was. But he'd seen enough romcoms (he wished he could say it was courtesy of her, but really, he loved those films) to know that the movies hadn't described it well enough.

Because his breath did catch in his throat. His cheeks flushed as he saw her, heart beating louder than it would when he'd been running on the pitch. As she was walking down the stairs, floorlength dress accentuating her figure, her hair falling loosely and her make-up complementing the colour of her eyes perfectly. Her heels were still in her hands, and he fought the urge to smile. He knew how much she hated heels, and how her clumsy self would've probably fallen down the stairs if she'd put them on already. God he felt it all over his body - the hairs on his arms rose as the tingly feeling in his stomach spread through his body. He was so utterly and completely in love with her.

"Y/N. You look- I mean- I-." He tried to start, stammering over his words as his cheeks burned.

"D'you know what? I'll take that as a compliment, Mase." She laughed as she put her heels on.

"You should. Can't even find the words to describe how beautiful you look." He admitted as he groaned mockingly, holding his arm out for her to take so they could walk the short distance to the restaurant.

"Well that doesn't happen often, does it?"

The both of them joked some more as they walked together, before arriving at their destination.

It was her graduation diner. All her family and relatives were there, which to her included Mason. It was a good night, laughing and reminiscing on the past years, wondering about what the future holds as they not-so-subtly stole food from each other's plates.

That was, until her family started speeching. Some of her family members had prepared something, and she'd held Mason's hand tight;y in hers as she listened to all the encouraging words.

"Mason, son. Would you like to say something too?" Her dad asked.

"Uhh, well. I didn't really prepare anything, actually."

"I'm sure you can think of something. Stand up, son." He cursed himself for being so close to her dad. But he was right, he had something to say.

And so he begrudgingly scraped his chair back and stood up. Suddenly all eyes were on him, and although he should be used to that by now, he felt vulnerable. He cleared his throat and looked at her next to him, only to find her kind eyes already on him, an encouraging smile send his way enough to make him start speaking.

"Well. Y/N and I have known each other for years. She was always joking around, roughhousing with me and the boys, never giving a care in the world as long as she, and the people around her, are happy. She'll do anything her way, even if it's the wrong way, because she's too stubborn to admit her mistakes." Some of the guests chuckled, and he took a moment to smile before he continued on.

"That's just what she's like. And I admire that in her - in you." He directed his attention towards her now, as she looked up at him with large eyes. "You're not one to admit when you're upset or stressed, or when you need help. And I know these past few years have been hard on you, but I am so proud to see how you've handled everything. How you persevered through your struggles while still being true to yourself. I admire that in you, and it gives me strength, too. Maybe you're a bit of an inspiration of mine. And-" He had to swallow hard, then, and he glanced at her to gauge her reaction as he did. Tears were brimming in her eyes, and she would no doubt get mad at him later for ruining her make up. He had to swallow again.

"I guess what I'm saying is- It's been an honour to have been by your side through your highs and your lows. Seeing you grow from that little know-it-all girl into the strong woman you are now. And I can't wait to be by your side for everything else you're going to achieve." He sniffled then, wiping a sleeve underneath his own eyes to keep himself from crying in front of - quite literally- her entire family.

That sentiment had gone out the window for her, though, because she'd let the tears stream freely over her cheeks. Worry overtook him as the faintest of sobs left her lips, and so he quickly reached down to her. He held her face in his hands, thumbs wiping her cheeks dry as she let out a teary laugh.

"God, I'm so embarassing." She laughed as she took his hands from his face, resting them on her lap as she played with his fingers - something she had a habit of doing to calm herself down. "You could always become a speech writer if the football thing doesn't work out, though." She added, laughing slightly at her own joke as she tried to lighten the mood. She really hated feeling so vulnerable.

"You're not." He whispered back.

If there was any moment to tell her, this was it. So he mustered up all the courage he could find in himself to just tell her.

"And I'll support you through everything else. All the highs and lows and victories and defeats, I'll be there for you whenever you need me. Because- Because I love you."

Gasps were heard from around the table, but the only reaction he cared for was hers.

"You do?" Her voice was timid, questioning the extent of his words as she was still sniffling.

"I do. I love you, and I will love you until I die, and if there's a life after that, I'll love you then."

"I- Mason."

She wasn't sure what to respond, so overwhelmed with emotions that she couldn't contain her tears overflowing her eyes for the second time that day. He was crying now too, though, albeit silently. The whirlwind of emotions she felt - that he so clearly reciprocated - were enough to confess her love for him too. Something she now felt they should've done much sooner.

"I love you too, Mason. Always and always and always." She repeated as she let her face fall in the crook of his neck, breathing in his scent as he held her inexplicably close to him, arms tight around her waist as they took in the moment. Their moment.

The other guests applauded, sniffled as they tried to hide their tears at the heartfelt moment, even cheered for the two of them.

But all of it went unheard.

Because who cares about what others think when you've got that kind of love right in front of you?

#Someone needs to teach me to keep things short because what the hell #i wanted to write something short and sweet #but the words start coming and they dont stop coming *to the all star - smash mouth tune*#And here we are lmao #but hope you enjoy it anyway!#Mason mount #mason mount imagine #mason mount fic #mason mount oneshot #mason mount x reader

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moonlit-imagines · 5 years ago

Text

Better Grades

Rodrick Heffley x reader

warnings:

a/n:

prompt: anonymous: “could you write a one-shot with rodrick heffley, where the reader this smart, shy person and needs to tutor rodrick? they don't know much about each other in the beginning, but over the tutoring sessions, they start to open up and learn more about each other and they both start to form a crush on each other. finally, rodrick asks the reader out on a date. thanks!”

Rodrick’s mom told him he needed to get his grades up or else he’d lose the van. Your’s said you needed to get some kind of job or else you’d be given a few extra chores around the house. Seems that this had to be destiny.

You put up flyers around school for one-on-one tutoring, it was a start. You didn’t actually think anyone would go for it, but lo and behold, one of the most careless students in your class was on the other end of the phonecall you had just picked up.

“I was wondering if we could do the, uh, the thing at my house...” Rodrick Heffley suggested awkwardly while clearing his throat on the phone, “it’s just, my mom doesn’t trust me all that much. I gotta prove I’m doing...the thing, or else she’s gonna take my van away and I kinda need it for my band.” You actually didn’t reply to him for a long moment, trying to take in what he was explaining to you. He was obviously embarrassed, too. “Y/N?”

“Yeah! Yeah, I can come to your house. Thursday after school?” You asked him before taking a deep sigh.

“Sure, yeah. If you want, you can meet me at the student parking lot and we can just go to my house together. It’s no big deal.” Rodrick told you while pacing his house, spinning a drumstick between his fingers.

“That works. See you then.” You hung up the phone and fell into your mattress. This was going to be so weird.

—————

You took up Rodrick’s offer and got to ride shotgun in his extremely disgusting van. What made it more awkward was that you barely knew him and the entire time you were in his van, he had his band’s CD playing. You just sucked it up and closed your eyes, imagining the money you would get from this tutoring session.

The first thing you saw upon entering his house was his toddler brother being potty trained in the living room, which seemed to be normal to the rest of the family. Rodrick led you to the kitchen table without saying a thing. Actually, he hadn’t said anything since you guys got in the van. The long streak of silence was broken when his overly-enthusiastic mom saw you come in.

“You must be y/n! Thank you so much for coming over and helping my sweet son out with his homework. It means a lot to the both of us.” Mrs. Heffley had her hands on both sides of your arms while she spoke to you. “Let me get you two some snacks while you work! I’ll just be a minute!” She rushed off and you sat across from Rodrick while he piled all his messy papers and books onto the table. It was a nightmare how disorganized he was.

“Well...where do you want to start?” You asked while pulling your own notes out.

“Uh, the beginning?” Rodrick scoffed and your jaw physically dropped. You didn’t know if you’d be able to make it through this session. You let that slide by and laughed it off awkwardly.

“I meant, what subject? Is there a specific one you need help with?” You tried to clear up your seemingly simple question. Rodrick let out a “psssh” and shrugged.

“I need help with all of them.” His answers were short and sweet. Probably why he was getting marked down in English class. This was going to be a long session.

—————

Your tutoring sessions ended up being every Monday, Tuesday, and Thursday, but they got harder to dread as you grew closer with Rodrick. In between study breaks, the two of you would simply talk. It was really odd and uncomfortable at first, but you figured that it wasn’t so bad now that you were pretty much forced to spend time with each other.

“I mean, I just think that Mr. McGee is a creep, you know?” Rodrick vented while balancing his drumstick on his nose in the back of his van.

“Oh, I one-hundred percent agree. I don’t know how he’s still a teacher. Or why, he hates kids.” You laughed as your newfound friend poked himself in the eye. I may have forgot to mention that you and Rodrick began hanging out outside of tutoring sessions. He was a semi-pleasant person when you got to know him.

“Dude. Tell your parents you’re doing extra lessons on Saturday. We have to hang out this weekend, there’s so many cool things you haven’t experienced with Rodrick.” He winked and you laughed even harder.

“Did you just refer to yourself in the third person?” You covered your mouth while laughing and Rodrick gave you a puzzled look.

“Y/N, I don’t even know what ‘the third person’ means.” He told you, only sending you into a stronger fit of giggles until you were lying on the crusty-ass floor. “What? What is so funny?” He joined in a weaker chuckle.

“You’re gonna make me pee, oh, my god.” You were just uncomfortably cackling. Rodrick couldn’t get enough of it. No one had made you laugh like he had...and he’d never been so happy to hear someone laugh like that. It was like music to him, better than his band’s music (in his eyes ears).

“Y/N, I’m gonna start poking you with the drum stick if you don’t listen to me right now.” He smirked over you while you tried to suppress your fit of giggles.

“Okay! Okay, I’m okay. I’m okay.” You repeated as Rodrick opened his van door.

“Follow me.” He grabbed your arm and pretty much yanked you from the van and pushed the door closed. “I know a place.”

The place he knew actually wasn’t too bad. You didn’t take Rodrick as the “outdoorsy” type, but you guys were trekking through a decent amount of brush before you reached a clearing with some freshly-placed lawn chairs and a soggy fire pit.

“Me and my band hung out here last weekend. Perfect view of the stars. I know it’s only four thirty, but we could wait. Just hang out for a while...” He pulled two chairs together and let you sit down. Now this next part is a little weird. Rodrick isn’t the best at feelings. At all. But neither were you, so you were one to talk. He brought a bag with him completed with a box of Oreos, two cans of Pepsi, a rolled-up family size bag of Doritos, and a portable CD player with a disc he made on his own of some of the songs you told him you loved. Showed that he paid attention.

“Oh! I love this song!” You got super excited the moment it started playing, which gifted him the same mood, as well.

“Yeah, it’s pretty cool. I didn’t think I’d like it that much.” He cracked your Pepsi open for you and handed it over. “I didn’t think I’d like you very much, either.”

“Hah! Me neither.” You took a sip of your pop and sighed. “Surprise, surprise.” You looked over to see him staring at you with those deep brown eyes.

“Honestly, I have so much fun with you. Even more fun than I do with the band.” He admitted. “I want to spend more time together. As more than friends or ‘study buddies.’ I’m trying to say, if you want, let’s maybe go on a date? The roller rink seems like the obvious choice. It’s a lot different on your own than it is on field trips...” Rodrick rambled on as you sat there absolutely dumbfounded. It took him a minute to realize that and he needed to snap you out of it. “Y/N?”

“Yeah! Yeah, I could go to the roller rink on Saturday.” You had trouble hiding your smile.

“Hell yeah! I was kind of worried you’d say no and I’d have to find a new tutor.”

taglist: @cullens-stuff // @orgawnas // @randomawesomeperson102 // @queen-destenie // @thatwaspossesion // @frostedgiant //

#rodrick heffley imagine #rodrick heffley x reader #rodrick heffley #doawk imagine #doawk x reader #doawk #diary of a wimpy kid imagine #diary of a wimpy kid x reader #diary of a wimpy kid

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thoushallnotfall · 4 years ago

Text

God Bless the Children of the Beast - Part 8

Previous // Masterlist

Pairing: The Dirt!Tommy Lee x Reader

Word Count: 3.1k

Notes: Ugh, this one was a chore. I had to rewrite a chunk of it since I changed my mind about some stuff…it was a whole thing.

I am playing chess with so many plot elements right now and some of them are like so freaking long game; like hang with me this is gonna be one of those updates that makes sense 8 updates later. Like I am laying the ground work for the bigger picture I swear it’s all relevant and my narrative choices will make sense later. (probably)

1984 is almost over… 🙃

Warnings: N/A (I don’t think anything majorly bad happens in this update?? So used to them at least doing drugs…)

1984

After your fight with Nikki, the atmosphere on the set of the video shoot had been less than stellar. It’s a wonder you all had managed to finish filming at all.

You were angry at Nikki for what he’d done and for putting you in an awkward position with Tommy, and in turn Nikki was trying to avoid you as much as possible. Then, you felt guilty about keeping the whole thing a secret from Tommy, which made you feel awkward around him; so it was easier for you to just try and avoid him all together if you could.

Tommy was trying to calm Roxy down after meeting his parents, and he was kind of pissed at you for laughing at the whole ‘groupie’ comment his mother had made. Normally you’d be upset about this, but it actually worked out in your favor, since you were trying to avoid him anyway. Still, how long could you keep this up? How long could you keep your distance from your best friend? How long could you lie to him, even if you knew it was for his own good?

The shoot done, you’d all retreated back to the hotel. After a long, hot shower, you called Razzle. You talked to him most nights now; some days it was only a few minutes, just to check in, see how the tour was going, make sure everyone was doing okay before he and his boys went out to party and you and yours did the same. Other times, the two of you stayed on the phone for hours, talking through the night. You had seen the long-distance bills from the hotels when you helped Doc with the paperwork–they were outrageous; but you didn’t care. It was worth it.

You had debated whether you should tell him about what was going on with you and Nikki, just so you could get it off your chest. Normally, if you had an issue like this, you would go straight to Tommy, or in the past Nikki; the fact that they were both at the center of the problem meant you had no one else to turn to. You could talk to Vince or Mick–under normal circumstances you would trust them enough to confide in them, but this issue was delicate; what if something happens and they accidentally told Tommy? You couldn’t risk anyone else close to you finding out and telling him. But then trusting someone new was, for lack of a better word–scary–and you weren’t sure if you were ready to put that level of trust in Razzle yet.

When you called him, you hadn’t really planned on telling him; you were just going to have a normal conversation. But he’d picked up on it immediately; he could tell something was wrong just by the tone of your voice. When he asked you about it, you realized you wanted to trust him, and you decided to take a chance and open up to him.

It felt good to talk. Not just to tell him about the situation, but to tell him how you felt about it. Razzle listened, telling you he honestly wasn’t sure what the right thing to do was, but that he was there for you, and you only had to call if you ever needed anything. Just listening was enough; just being there was enough.

And you really did love him for that.

—

After the shoot, there had been a noticable change in the dynamic of your group. No one wanted to talk about it, but the difference was obvious. You could barely stand to be around Nikki; between your anger at his actions with Roxie and his increasingly rude and inconsiderate behavior towards everyone, you found yourself fighting with him more and more each day.

Then there was Tommy. He and Roxie broke up, so that was one problem solved; but just like he always did after a breakup he was extra clingy with you now that she was gone. He wanted to hang out all the time, and that had caused some problems. For starters, while Roxie may be gone, you were still dealing with the weight of the her secret sex with Nikki, and knowing about it made being around Tommy awkward for you. You tried to suck it up and act like nothing was wrong, but it was obvious something was on your mind, and you wished Tommy would just give you some space so you had more time to process everything.

Then, there was the other issue that had come up between you. You had made it clear to Tommy you needed some time to yourself every once and awhile, and he seemed to agree, in theory. Then, in practice, would still bug you whenever he felt like it. Sometimes, he came to bother you in the middle of your phonecalls with Razzle. The few times this had happened, things had not gone well.

Tommy would insist you hang up and spend time with him. You would of course tell him no, saying you would hang out with him later. Usually, he would leave, pouting like a child. Later, he would spend the whole time complaining about Razzle; which annoyed you to no end–and you made sure to tell him so. That would only pissed him off more, and you two of you would both leave angry.

The last time he came in while you were on the phone, he’d been high, or drunk–or both–and when you refused to hang up he’d come over and done it for you. You’d gotten into a huge argument–something that had never happened before–and you made him leave, locking him out of your room.

Ever since your fight, Tommy had been walking on eggshells around you. He knew he’d fucked up, but he didn’t know how to fix it. You knew he couldn’t do anything; he’d apologized, but you were still upset. You just wanted to get away from all the drama–from Tommy, from Nikki–where you could relax and you didn’t have to worry if someone was going to yell at you for something or if you were going to get into another argument.

You weren’t essential to the band, it had occurred to you that maybe you could just go home for a week or two; take a little break? The guys wouldn’t love that idea, but no one could argue that things weren't strained right now. You could use some time apart. You hadn’t been away from them since they’d become a band–you’d all been living together the whole three years since they’d formed Motley Crue. It would be strange to be away from them after being together for so long, but then again some distance was starting to seem like exactly what you needed. And they do say absence makes the heart grow fonder; maybe taking some time apart would help heal the rifts forming in your most important relationships. Even if you didn’t love the idea of being alone, it would be worth it to get away for awhile.

As you drop your bags in yet another empty hotel room, you spot the phone on the nightstand, and an idea suddenly occurs to you. A crazy idea; maybe a great idea, or maybe a totally stupid one. Either way, the boys will absolutely hate it.

You pick up the phone, dialing the number and giving instructions to the receptionist on the other end as you sit on your bed.

“'ello beautiful.” Razzle greets you, and you smile.

“Hey Nic, how’s it going?” You ask, twirling the spiral cord around your finger.

“No' too bad; the boys and I jus' go' back.” He answer.

“Oh, that’s good.” You say, biting your lip, unsure of how to proceed.

“Is everythin' awlrigh'? You sound upset again.” He asks. “More trouble wif your brofa? Or is it Tommy this time?” You sigh, grateful he brought it up so you didn’t have to.

“Um, well I mean yeah, sort of, but, that’s actually not what I called about.” You say.

“Oh?” He asks. “Do tell.” You take a deep breath.

“I was wondering what you would think about me maybe coming to stay with you?” You ask, nervous. “Just for a little while.” You add hastily at the end.

“You wan' to come wif me? On tou'a?” He asks, clearly surprised.

“Yeah; I, I mean if you and the band don’t mind.” You reply.

“Of course I don’t fuckin' mind!” He says, clearly excited; and you let out a breath you didn’t realize you were holding. “But wha' about the Crue? Won’ they be angry you’re off tourin’ wif another band?”

“I’ll handle the boys.” You assure him, smiling into the receiver.

—

“The fuck do you mean you’re leaving?” Nikki asks as he looks at you, your bags at your feet.

“Exactly what I said; you need it in writing?” You snap.

“Would you stop being a fucking bitch for five seconds and explain to me what the hell you think you’re playing at?” Nikki spits back. “You can’t just fucking leave!”

“Newsflash Nikki; you don’t fucking own me! I can do whatever the hell I want!” You shout, throwing your arms up.

“Okay, okay can everyone just chill out for a second please?” Vince asks.

“Stay the fuck out of this Vince.” Nikki sneers as he looks over at the blonde. “This isn’t any of your fucking business.”

“Don’t fucking yell at him!” You say, scowling at Nikki as he looks back at you.

“We’re gonna get kicked out of the lobby soon.” Mick comments absently.

“Y/N please don’t go.” Tommy begs. “We can talk about this.”

“I’ve made up my mind Tommy.” You say firmly, crossing your arms.

“Where you gonna go, huh?” Nikki asks. “Back home? You live in my house y/n! You can’t go home–I won’t allow it!”

“'Allow it?’” You repeat in a mix of anger and disbelief. “God you have been such a fucking asshole lately! What the hell is wrong with you?” You yell back at him, exasperated. “And for your information no, I’m not going home; I’m going to stay with Nic.”

“Nic?” Nikki looks at you confused. Then, realization spreads across his face. “Oh hoho! You’re going on tour with Razzle and the rest of those fuckers in Hanoi Rocks!”

“What?” Tommy scowls. “You’re going on tour with another band?”

“I’m going to stay with my boyfriend, who is currently in a band that is touring.” You try dodging the question with a half-truth.

Technically Razzle wasn’t your boyfriend yet–but that was only because the two of you didn’t have time to talk about it over the phone before you had to leave to catch your flight. You expected that’s where things were headed though, since you were going to be touring with him now, so it wasn’t a total lie.

“Boyfriend? Since fucking when?” Tommy shouts.

“That’s none of your fucking business.” You snap, taken aback by his sudden change in tone. He had been so desperate and kind a second ago.

“So what? You a fucking groupie now y/n? Huh? You just gonna hop from one band to another whenever it’s convenient for you?” Tommy asks, clearly pissed. You look back at him like you’ve been slapped in the face. You clench your jaw as tears start forming in your eyes.

“Fuck you Tommy.” You whisper, tears sliding down your cheeks.

“Y/N–” He calls out to you, but you ignore him; grabbing your bags and heading out the door.

—

You stand outside waiting for your taxi as the tears continue flowing down your face. It was all too much, and as much as you hated people seeing you cry, you just couldn’t hold it in anymore.

Nikki was changing. It had been happening for awhile, but you had tried to ignore it; made excuses, played it off. Now there was no denying the truth: the brother you knew, who hurt himself to save you from your mother and her shitty boyfriends, who went hungry so you could eat, who took beatings to protect you–he was disappearing. This new Nikki was someone else, someone dark, and controlling. Someone who didn’t care about hurting the people he cared about–even you. You saw less and less of the Nikki you knew everyday, and you worried one day you’d look at your brother’s face and see a stranger staring back at you.

Then there was Tommy. That sweet, simple boy you meet three years ago. Your best friend. There was more to Tommy than that now–maybe there always had been, and you just never saw it. You didn’t understand how Tommy could be so sweet, then act so cruel. You didn’t understand why he got this way about Razzle; it’s like ever since you’d started seeing the other drummer, it had brought out the worst in Tommy.

As you stand under the awning waiting for your taxi, tears still staining your cheeks, you hear the doors to the lobby open behind you. You turn and see Vince and Mick walking toward you. You quickly wipe your face on the back of your arm and smile up at them.

“Hey, sorry you guys had to get stuck in the middle of that.” You say, doing your best to sound cheerful.

“Not the first time we’ve been in the center of a public shitshow; though usually there’s more nudity involved.” Mick says, the corner of his mouth turning up slightly. You know he’s trying to cheer you up, and honestly it works. A small giggle escapes your lips.

“We can still fix that if you want to y/n.” Vince says, winking at you. “I’m always down for a little public nudity if you’re involved.”

“I’d like to not get arrested tonight; but thanks anyway Vince.” You say, smirking at him. He shurgs.

“Your loss.” He replies, looking away. After a moment, he looks back at you, a more sincere expression on his face. “By the way y/n, I wanted to say…” He trails off, rubbing the back of his neck as he looks down at the pavement awkwardly.

“What?” You press. It was unusual for Vince to be at a loss for words. He sighs, then looks back up at you.

“I just wanted to say you shouldn’t listen to Nikki and Tommy–they were being real assholes, and they were wrong.” Your eyes go wide as you stare back at him in shock. You knew Vince and Mick felt bad for you, but you hadn’t really expected them to openly take your side against their bandmates.

“Look, you’re not a bitch, and you’re definitely not a fucking groupie, okay? I mean if you were then I think I got fucking jipped.” He says with a laugh. You’re too surprised to laugh at the joke, not that it was that great to begin with.

“With jokes like that it’s amazing you ever resisted his charms.” Mick comments, and that manages to get a laugh from you. “He is right though; those two were total shitheads and I don’t blame you for wanting to split. You deserve to be happy, and if that frilly English shit makes you happy, then I say go for it.” You’re taken aback by the sincerity in Mick’s words. Vince comes over and puts a hand in your shoulder.

“Look, try not to worry about what Nikki and Tommy said, okay? They’re just pissed because they’re used to having you all to themselves, and they don’t like the idea of having to share you. So go have fun with your English boy toy, and just know we’ll be here if you ever get homesick.” You look back at the two of them, and you feel your heart swell so full it aches.

Nikki and Tommy had been the people you were closest to since the band formed; Nikki was your brother, your rock, your oldest friend. Tommy had quickly grown to be your best friend, your closet companion, the person you trusted most. But you couldn’t forget how much you loved Vince and Mick; they were your brothers just as much as Nikki and Tommy were. You had been through so much with both of them, and just because you were having problems with Tommy and Nikki, you didn’t want to punish Mick and Vince for that.

You feel tears well up in your eyes as you grab hold of Vince, hugging him tightly as you bury your face in the crock of his neck.

“Thanks Vinny.” You say as you squeeze him tighter. “I appreciate it.” You let him go, and his cheeks are flushed as he looks away.

“Yeah, whatever.” He says, and you laugh, whipping your eyes. You move over to Mick and wrap your arms around him.

“Give us a call every once and awhile so we know you’re not dead.” He says, and you laugh as you pull away.

“Yes dad.” You reply sarcastically, and he scowls. You smile, moving to give him a quick kiss on the cheek. His eyes go wide as he stares back at you in surprise. “I promise I’ll call as soon as I get there, okay?” He looks away.

“S'all I’m asking.” He mumbles.

“Hey, why does the old man get a kiss?” Vince whines, and you laugh.

Just then, the taxi pulls up to take you to the airport.

“Well, looks like my ride’s here.” You say, trying to mask your sadness by turning away from them. You move to get your bags, but Vince grabs them before you can. He winks at you, and silently moves to toss them in back of the taxi.

“It’s not forever; I’ll see you guys again in no time.” You say cheerful as you look at Mick, who just nods in response, looking lonely. You take one quick glance back at the lobby doors, before turning to the taxi.

“Thanks for grabbing my bags Vince; maybe there’s a gentleman buried in there somewhere after all.” You say, smirking.

“Don’t hold your breath sweetheart.” Vince jokes, smiling; though you both feel the sadness behind it. As you pass him, you lean in and give him a quick peak on the cheek. You smile as Vince laughs.

“There, now you’re even.” You say, before getting into the taxi. You shut the door, waving out the back window as you watch the two of them get further and further away.

#tommy lee x reader #the dirt!tommy lee x reader #mgk!tommy lee x reader #the dirt x reader #the dirt #tommy lee

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cryingcow · 4 years ago

Text

Character Story - Kiryu [RGGO]

I finally managed to get some of my cards to level 3! Brief overview: Character Stories are 3-chapter stories featuring a particular character. Not all cards have Character Stories attached to them, sadly, but the main characters have one at the very least. With that, I want to start off with our fave Dragon Dad!

Story: Kiryu gets an offer to run an orphanage, but he’s hesitant to accept. Date is a real bro, and Haruka makes her kid neighbors ragequit with her kick-the-can skills.

Kiryu: (I can’t make the decision to go to Okinawa on my own. I need to convince Haruka as well.)

Kiryu the Master of Self-Sabotage: “Hey Haruka how would you like to never see any of your friends ever again??”

CHAPTER 1

|2007 . . . Goda Ryuji and the Omi Alliance, and the Korean Mafia Jingweon. Around the end of the conflict between these two hostile forces and the Tojo Clan . . .|

[Kiryu and Haruka’s place]

Haruka: “Ojii-san. Is curry good for today?”

Kiryu: “Hm? Ah, yes. Let me help you cook.”

Haruka: “No thanks, Ojii-san, just sit down. . . . Oh, we have no meat anymore. What should we do . . .”

Kiryu: “Should I go buy some?”

Haruka: “Hmm. But we’re almost over our food budget for this month . . . Ojii-san, do you need meat?”

Kiryu: “Oh . . . I’m so sorry, Haruka.”

Haruka: “Eh?”

Kiryu: “Next time . . . when my salary arrives, let’s go out for yakiniku.”

Haruka: “. . . okay. I’m looking forward to it!”

----

[Outside Kiryu and Haruka’s place]

Kiryu: “Well then, I’ll be going now.”

Haruka: “Okay. Ojii-san, call me if you’re going to be home late.”

Kiryu: “I will.”

Kiryu: (Well, I should head on to Kashiwagi-san. I wonder why he asked me to drop by so suddenly?)

----

[Kazama Family office]

Kashiwagi: “. . . you came, Kiryu. I’m sorry for calling you over.”

Kiryu: “No, it’s fine. . . . your office, it’s fixed. The Jingweon blew it up.”

Kashiwagi: “Ah . . . well I can’t stay in a temporary office forever. This was a rush job. But enough on that. . . . Kiryu, are you willing to live in Okinawa?”

Kiryu: “Live in Okinawa? Me?”

Kashiwagi: “There’s actually an orphanage in Okinawa similar to your orphanage Sunflower. It’s called ‘Morning Glory’. Your father Kazama is also involved in it.”

Kiryu: “Oyassan . . .”

Kashiwagi: “There are 8 children there now. Unfortunately, the caretaker died.”

Kiryu: “. . . so, you want me to be the caretaker?”

Kashiwagi: “Yes. Would that be fine? Of course, Haruka can come with you.”

Kiryu: “. . . Thank you for your offer, but I’m already taking care of a child.”

Kashiwagi: “Well, I thought I would offer anyway. I’ll listen with an old woman’s heart. Kiryu, are you doing well?”

Kiryu: “What do you mean?”

Kashiwagi: “I’m wondering if you’re making a proper livelihood. Do you have a regular job?”

Kiryu: “No, it’s . . .”

Kashiwagi: “It’s a wall that those who wash their feet of the yakuza hit. I don’t blame you. Not to mention you’re a bit of a celebrity, but you still have to feed Haruka. Being the caretaker of Morning Glory doesn’t pay big, but it’s a stable job. I think it’s a good start to staying away from the gang life’s baggage.”

Kiryu: “. . .”

Kashiwagi: “I’m sorry. I ended up talking a lot. Just think it over for a while.”

Kiryu: “Thank you. Can you give me some time to reply?”

Kashiwagi: “Sure.”

----

[Theater Square]

Kiryu: (Me, a director. I can’t imagine. But, Kashiwagi-san is right. I’m working day-to-day just to get enough money to eat. . . . I want to take good care of Haruka. Even send her to college.)

Omi Alliance remnant: “There he is! Kiryu!!”

Kiryu: “. . . Omi. The war is over.”

Omi Alliance remnant: “What would you know . . . killing a bastard like you would make a great souvenir. Die! Kiryu!!”

Kiryu: “Tch.”

{Kiryu defeats the Omi remnants.}

Date: “Oi! What are you guys doing! . . . oh, Kiryu.”

Kiryu: “Date-san . . .”

Date: “. . . What’s with that unusual face?”

-END-

CHAPTER 2

[People’s Park 3]

Date: “I see. Okinawa.”

Kiryu: “Yeah.”

Date: “So what will you do? Are you taking the position?”

Kiryu: “To be honest, I’m worried.”

Date: “‘I can’t be a kid’s talisman, but I don’t want to make her life harder’. Is that it?”

Kiryu: “What do you think?”

Date: “Is it okay? If you don’t want it, then say no.”

Kiryu: “Eh? No, but . . .”

Date: “Haruka thinks living together with you is more important than having money. So, decide on ‘what do I want to do’ instead of ‘what should I do’.”

Kiryu: “What do I want to do . . .”

Date: “Besides, you might think you’re not suitable, but I think the opposite. I think you’d be good at taking care of children. You’ve become more well-rounded ever since you’ve been living together with Haruka.”

Kiryu: “Really?”

Date: “Heh. I was surprised when I found out that Kazama Shintaro was taking care of an orphanage, so I don’t know if it’s suitable for you or not. I mean, I split up with Assari, and I thought we would be lifetime companions.”

Kiryu: “. . . I don’t know if I should laugh at that joke or not.”

Date: “That’s what I can tell, at least. The story grows longer as you get older. That’s what Saya says.”

Kiryu: “Heh. No, it was helpful. Thank you.”

Date: “See you.”

{Date leaves. Omi Alliance remnants appear.}

Omi Alliance remnant: “Hehehe, you were here all along, Kiryu . . .”

Kiryu: “. . . later. I’m thinking now.”

Omi Alliance remnant: “Okay, then think carefully . . . in the other world!!”

{Kiryu beats them up, then heads home.}

----

[Outside Kiryu and Haruka’s place]

Kiryu: (It’s really late because I got entangled with those guys. Hm? That’s . . .)

{Haruka is playing kick-the-can with two boys and absolutely wiping the floor with them.}

Kiryu: (. . . Haruka. She looks so happy.)

Haruka: “Ah, Ojii-san! You’ve returned? Welcome back!”

Kiryu: “Yeah, I’m back. Are these your friends?”

Haruka: “Yup. They’re Takashi and Ko. I was playing kick-the-can with them. There were many others earlier, but I always win? I’m the only girl here.”

Kiryu: “Heh. Is that so. Was it fun?”

Haruka: “Yup!”

Kiryu: (. . . that’s right. Going to Okinawa is not just my dilemma. Haruka also has school and friends who live here.)

Kiryu: “. . . Haruka. Can I ask you something? Will you be sad if you can’t play with Takashi-kun anymore?”

Haruka: “Eh? That . . . would be sad. But why?”

Kiryu: “. . . no. It’s nothing.”

Haruka: “Ojii-san, you’re acting strange.”

Kiryu: (So far, Haruka’s life has been hard, and she’s been forced to grow up so fast. That’s why . . . I want to protect Haruka’s smile. I don’t want her to feel lonely anymore. . . . tomorrow, I’ll go to Kashiwagi-san.)

-END-

CHAPTER 3

[Kiryu and Haruka’s place]

Kiryu: “Well then, I’ll be off.”

Haruka: “Yup.”

{Kiryu leaves. The telephone rings and Haruka answers.}

Haruka: “Yes, this is Kiryu’s place.”

Date’s voice: “Oh, Haruka. Is Kiryu there?”

Haruka: “Date-san? Ojii-san went out a while ago. Is something wrong?”

Date’s voice: “No, I’m just worried about how he’s been. But he went out . . .”

Haruka: “Yup. For some reason, Kashiwagi-san has an errand for him.”

Date’s voice: “What? I see. Then I guess Kiryu decided that he’ll go to Okinawa.”

Haruka: “To Okinawa?”

Date’s voice: “Yeah, didn’t Kiryu tell you?”

----

[Outside Kiryu and Haruka’s place]

Kiryu: (Well, I should go to Kashiwagi-san.)

Omi Alliance remnants: “Kiryu! You can’t escape!”

Kiryu: “. . . tch. It seems before the problem of Okinawa, I have to deal with these guys first.”

Omi Alliance remnants: “Die! Kiryu!!”

{Kiryu defeats them.}

Kiryu: “Jeez. These guys are persistent . . .”

Haruka: “Ojii-san!”

Kiryu: “Hm? Haruka . . . what’s wrong?”

Haruka: “I just got a phonecall from Date-san. I heard you were going to Okinawa.”

Kiryu: “!”

Haruka: “Hey Ojii-san. What does that mean?! Is that Kashiwagi-san’s errand?”

Kiryu: “I’m sorry I kept silent. . . . But I still won’t talk about it.”

Haruka: “Eh?!”

Kiryu: “You don’t have to worry about anything, Haruka.”

Haruka: “. . . Ojii-san. By any chance, are you refusing to go to Okinawa because of me?”

Kiryu: “That is . . .”

Haruka: “. . .”

Kiryu: “. . . Haruka. You have a life here. You have school and friends. It’s too selfish to go to Okinawa for my own convenience. I think-”

Haruka: “Stop it, Ojii-san.”

Kiryu: “Eh?”

Haruka: “I don’t want to just be my uncle’s baggage! It’s much harder than breaking up with friends.”

Kiryu: “Haruka . . .”

Haruka: “Hey, Ojii-san. What were you planning to do without me?”

Kiryu: “. . . I . . . . . . I was thinking for a long time. What reasons would I, a former yakuza, have to go to Okinawa and run an orphanage? The income is stable. It will be for Haruka’s future. But above all . . . I want to help children without parents. My father Kazama would want me to guide children as he did with me, Nishiki, and Yumi.”

Haruka: “I see . . . then Ojii-san, I have a request.”

Kiryu: “Request? What is it?”

Haruka: “Let me help my uncle out. I can understand the feeling of a child without parents, too.”

Kiryu: “Haruka . . . alright. Please help me.”

Haruka: “Yup. Ojiisan, let’s do our best together!”

Kiryu: “. . . thank you, Haruka . . .”

----

[Kazama Family office]

Kashiwagi: “. . . I see. Together with Haruka-chan.”

Kiryu: “Yes. We can help orphans together, is what I thought.”

Kashiwagi: “Heh. Kiryu, it sounds like it was quite the conversation.”

Kiryu: “Haruka pushed her position. ‘I also want to help’, she said. She has a life here, but she also wants to help the orphans with me. She said so.”

Kashiwagi: “Really . . . Kiryu, it seems like you found yourself a reliable partner.”

Kiryu: “Heh. Looks like it.”

Kashiwagi: “Then . . . what I asked, about Morning Glory?”

Kiryu: “Yes. I’ll do it.”

-END-

Masterlist

#which one would you guys like next? I've got #Ryuji being the world's pettiest himbo #Tanimura and Date on a case #And Mine going out drinking with Daigo #I'll be doing them all just not sure in which order #rgg online #rggo lore #rggo #rgg #Ryu ga Gotoku #yakuza #kazuma kiryu #kiryu kazuma #haruka sawamura #Makoto Date #kashiwagi osamu

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captain-aralias · 3 years ago

Text

Life stuff

this feels kind of weird, because i’ve never used my tumblr like this, but i would have written something on my livejournal, and i want people to know - i just dont want to have to tell people about it, or really talk about it at all.

but i also wanted to write this, idk.

(TW: impending death of a parent)

my mum has cancer.

it’s a rare form of cancer, called peritoneal cancer, which is similar to but different from ovarian cancer - i think it mostly gets diagnosed (like my mum’s) when it’s too late to do anything about it. all the treatment has been palliative only i.e. letting her live as long and as comfortably as possible.

she was diagnosed in september last year - about a year ago, a few months after running the ‘virtual’ london marathon on the isle of wight, where she lives, and obviously deep in lockdown.

as someone undergoing chemo, she was deemed extremely vulnerable to covid, and so she spent most of the early pandemic isolating. she also said she didn’t see any point in my brother and i visitng her, particularly given the risks, because we could talk via facetime - which is fair enough - all of which meant my brother and i didn’t go to visit her until May this year, after she’d done the first lot of chemo and was already doing much better again.

a few months after that, we found out that while she’d responded really well to the chemo, her cancer wasn’t responding at all to the maintenance drugs that were suposed to stop it coming back, so she came off the drugs completely. medical advice was basically chemo is as effective whenever you do it, so you might as well enjoy your life for a while, we’ll monitor it every month, and when things start to get too bad, we’ll put you back in chemo.

it’s friday tomorrow - so two fridays ago, i saw my mum in london after she’d just seen hamilton with her partner, graham. both of them loved hamilton. her hair had grown back, she seemed pretty normal. about a week later, she was in A&E - and she’s been in the hospital all week. she’s got a total bowel obstruction, which means she can’t eat and hasn’t eaten since last week.

now in a weird situation where there are a few tricky, difficult options (including being moved off the island back onto the mainland to a bigger hospital) that will mean that she stays alive long enough to get the chemo, which will probably get her back to hamilton-watching strength, or ... she could die really soon. like, in a few days.

we can’t visit. her partner can’t visit because covid - there’s this really sad-making photo of him looking happy on the phone through a window to my mum, also on the phone, inside the hospital.

i feel...

???? :( :( :( ....

i guess this is the main point of the post. i’m not writing this crying, i’m writing it pretty neutrally - because my brain isn’t really processing it right now, and mostly doesn’t process it.

i did cry earlier today while on the phone to various people, and then i went back to work. i hate crying, i hate being sad, and i dont like people comforting me, because it makes me realise that i have something to be sad about.

i’ve known she had cancer for a year. i haven’t been able to hang out with her most of that time. i would say, we are fairly close, although not nearly as close as some families. we don’t talk every week, but we talk regularly, and have seen each other regularly.

i’m so incredibly privileged that nothing that bad has ever happened to me, even though i’m 35. i’ve never been to a funeral, which seemed like a major life win and now i think was a mistake, i should have gone to funerals for people i card about less to help get used to it.

the literal only comparison i have to how i feel is when my cat Anton died suddenly about 3 years ago - i handled it with a mix of not thinking about it, being intensely sad for as brief a period as i could, and probably by thinking about how sad my girlfriend was about it, and sort of sidestepping my own feelings in comparison.

i remember when my last remaining grandparent died - and i was about 14 or something - i wasn’t sad for myself, i was only sad for her my dad being sad. for ages, i worried that i was not going to be sad enough about this - and i still sort of am.

but i also passionately hate the idea of being sad and i know i’ll look to avoid it as much as possible, and try and get on with my life.

i know my mum dying isn’t about me - when people write after death it’s about the person who died, obviously. that makes sense. but this post isn’t about my mum, who is a very cool person, much cooler than me - it’s about me. because i am self-obsessed and this is going to wreck my life for a while.

it’s weird, because i can see it on the horizon but it’s not happening yet. and i dont know whether that’s good or bad - i feel like it’s good, in a way. someone ages ago told me that the grieving period starts when you get the news. that seems very true to me - but also, i know that it’s going to ramp up, and so i’m like in the expectation of true grief right now.

it’s sort of like she died, but also is still going to die, but also i can magically still talk to her. which is really nice, in a way, it’s like a second chance, because i know i didn’t reach out enough before she had cancer. and i’m aware enough of my own actions that i know this is what’s been going on in my head the past year - i should reach out more, because she has cancer, but i dont want to make it seem like i’m reaching out because she has cancer, even though she knows i know she has cancer....... and also, i’m busy writing this fic. /o\

the fact that she seemed to recover (even though my mum insisted on saying ‘i am not recovered, i’m going to die soon’ like several time as a day as a disclaimer) also totally messed with my head, because i knew logically - ok, it’s happening. but also, things seemed so normal when we speak. even when i called her today, and she hasn’t eaten for a week, it seemed normal.

btw - i realised this week i had no idea how cancer killed people. my mum is a scientist and has looked up all kinds of things about what’s killing her; i’m clearly a simon snow and didn’t want to think about things i can’t help. if you’d asked me, i’d have said like... it poisons you or something, or blocks bloodflow to your brain. not what i think will actually do it which is.... starvation. or being too weak to survive being pumped full of the poison that is intended to kill the cancer. (that one i guess i could have predicted.) man - cancer sucks. i mean, we all knew it.

(i failed to get into cambridge university at interview stage, many years ago. the man who interviewed me gave me some extremely memorable feedback, which is that i needed to dial back the ‘defensive irony’ - which i thnk in that context meant i put myself down and tried to make a joke of everything. i remember when i got the phonecall to say Anton, my cat, was dead, i literally did not know what to do with my voice - because my instinct was to try and make the vet feel better, and also to present myself as bright and capable, and yet this unexpected and devasting news had just come through. rainbow wrote something sort of similar because she’s a good writer, for shepard as he tells penny about his curse. i feel like that.)

what else did i want to say?

i thought i had more time. ‘hamilton’ will probably always be tied to this moment in my mind, because of how much i’ve spoken to my mum about it in the past few weeks (i sent her the remix - she liked it, she listened to it in hospital while trying to drink more than 100ml of fluids) but yeah - this is basically a line from hamilton here. whatever. don’t make me feel my own feelings, let me just quote things. i dont like my own feelings. (no, i dont want to go to therapy - they’d make me talk about my feelings all the time, i’m british for god’s sake.)

i’m 35 - my mum is 68. i didn’t think she’d die this early or that i’d have to deal with this yet. but then i also don’t think bad things are ever going to happen to me - because mostly they haven’t, see above. i wear a mask and am double vaccinated because i’m not an asshole, but i dont really believe i’ll get covid because bad things don’t happen to me. i didn’t think my mum would die - maybe ever, but definitely not yet. she’s been retired a decade after teaching (science) and has enjoyed it.

i thought i had time to not have kids yet - which is the other thing (like hamilton) that this moment is really tied up with for me. i feel like 35 is getting quite old, but also not that old to still not have kids, but intend to maybe have them. my feelings about kids were basically like - up until like 25, i thought, yes, definitely. i mean, before i had a realtiosnhip (22-ish), i just assumed i would probably have a het marriage and have kids etc, like people do, but after that we were still talking, yes, children at some point.

didn’t prioritise it for a few reasons - none of my close friends had children until quite recently, so it just didn’t seem like an urgent thing in the way that it probably does for people with different friendship groups. waiting to be settled enough in a job to be able to take maternity leave without it feeling like a rip off for my employer. waiting for a good time in erin’s PhD writing cycle. and then pandemic. and then a few years ago, maybe as i turned 30, i thought - maybe we won’ have kids, because we still haven’t - and i vocalised that to erin.

also, i know a lot of people are gay and have children, so it’s not like it’s a thing that is impossible at all, but it’s much much harder if you have to leave your home and your relationship in order to get a child. it has to be a very very conscious decisions. i have friend who are men who have good genes, but we’re not so close i want to ask them for their sperm/to be involved however remotely in making a child - and (i was surprised to discover) (what a lot of things i dont know anything about) you an’t really just buy sperm, it’s not truly legal except through a clinic. and it’s extremely expensive to get inseminated in a clinic, and the NHS don’t really do that, so you do have to pay it. i thought kids would be expensive after they were born, but not before. and i REALLY wanted a house, much much more than - i think even today - i’ve ever wanted a child. i REALLY wanted a house - and now we have a house, and it’s pretty good. but - that’s where the money went, until the pandemic - thanks pandemic - so now we do have some disposable cash at last, because i didn’t commute.

but now erin is worried about climate change - and wheher it’s right to bring more children into the world, and other things. and.... i think i do want to be pregnant, it’s what i’m planning for - don’t leave this job (which admittedly i also really like, and pays me well - i dont thin i need to leave) because next stop maternity leave, but.....

i don’t know whether i am thinking, time ot have kids because my best friend just had a baby (the baby’s name is horatio - for real, i actually love this name) (i also haven’t seen her or the baby except over skype, because anna - my friend - is, like my mother, also scared of pandemic) and my brain is like - ok, well, if anna is doing it, i guess the time is here

AND - i know there’s a large part of me that was like, gotta be pregnant and ideally have the baby before my mum dies so she gets to see that she had a grandchild. my brother and i are both queer, btw, in case you were wondering - he’s considering whether he wants to transition right now (but is still happy with he/him pronouns) and - you may find this astonishing, but i genuinely don’t know whether he’d consider himself ace, or has been in relationships. he’s very private, he has OCD and is in therapy - but anyway, he’s probably not having kids anytime soon (i think!) and graham - my mum’s boyfriend/partner of 10+ years. -has grandchildren, but my extremely middleclass white (but definitely not conservative voters, always 100% not-tory) parents ended up with me and my brother.... and i don’t know, as i say, i don’t know whether my brain is saying ‘have kids before it’s too late’ - although i know by now that it will be too late. even if my mum recovers from this, this time, i don’t think i can produce a child before she dies - and she isn’t asking me too, she’s not like that, but i would have liked her to be there. i thought she would be.

so - i’m thinking about that. also, about getting a dog. i really want a dog - although i don’t want to upset the three cats (one we’ve had for eight years or so, the other two we got after Anton died). it’s ALSO really hard and expensive to get a dog. you’d think with all these ‘a dog isn’t just for the pandemic, a dog is for life’ type adverts around, that it would be easy to adcidentally get a dog - i’ve looked! you ccan’t get a dog unless you have no cats and you’re super experienced and can take a dog with lots of trauma or medical problems, or you’re willing to pay thousands of pounds. like - even for a regular not even pedigree dog - at least a thousand. pedigree dog - several thousand. i dont want a puppy either - i want a dog.

and - this is embarrassing to admit, but i’ve alrady told erin - i genuinely had a phase of being super annoyed when i’d read fics where someone just ‘got a dog’. it’s not that simple!!! it’s fiction, it doesn’t matter - chill out. the baby thing too - although weirdly not fics where magic meant it was possible to get a baby, weirdly it was smut. i had a brief week or so of crazy (and i don’t think i am that crazy) where i’d read about fictional semen and just be like - wtf, it’s so hard to get hold of that shit. (it’s not real, this isn’t real semen being wasted, calm down - and i dont even really know if i want kids, i might just think i do.)

the other thing about the bad thing being soon but not yet (but also being all the time, but not if you dnt think about it) is that i’m thinking - should i prioritise writing my remix now, in case my mum dies and i’m too sad to do it, and then i didn’t do my remix? i was definitely thinking this while writing classroom politics (i hope my mum doesn’t die becaue i dont want to be too sad to miss the deadline) and in the run up to AWTWB .....

today i wrote a list of things for work that would need to be picked up if i have to unexpectedly stop working, either because i’m too sad, or because i have to do funeral stuff, or .... i guess legal stuff about settling the estate. (i guess this happens to a lot of people, too, but it’s also a bit of a mindfuck that my brother and i will inherit her house and a bunch of cash when she dies - i’m pretty well off, my brotehr does virtual reality theatre stuff so really isn’t - we’ve talked about how much easier both of our lives will be with a huge injection of cash, and how we dont know what to feel about that) (great news, dogs and kids are really expensive! time to find out whether i really wanted to spend my money on those.) told people i like at work that it’s coming, and that i dont want to talk about it. and mostly just... carrying on with life, really. until it happens.

it’s so weird how easy it is to carry on most of the time.i know my mum’s partner is not doing nearly so well - he has to cope with an empty house and he’s retired. i’ve had periods - including right now - where i wake up every morning and check my phone to see whehter someone called me or texted me to tell me it’s over. but most of the day i’m actually really fine. i even had an ok day today. and i don’t know whether i want that to be the case, or whether i shouldn’t let myself do that. i dont know what i should prepare for in terms of where i’ll be - will i want lots of stuff to distract me (this is my guess) and work is very good for that, or i will want to clear time and space because i can’t operate and dont want people to offer me comfort. (FYI - this post isn’t written to make people say anything to me, i definitely dont want to talk about it, so please don’t feel you either have to comment or check in on me - i don’t really want you to. it’s enough to have written it, in my own time, in my own space.)

i think i wanted to write this post in a way because i thought i probably wouldnt want to write it after my mum died - because i probably wouldn’t want to say anything about it at all, for a few years.

my mum keeps telling me about the show ‘jane the virgin’ - which she’s half way through. shhe asked me to give it a try, so i did (she often tells me about shows on radio 4, which i rarely listen to. i thouht i had more time.) i’ve watched an episode (because she has cancer, i should listen to her recommendations)(but i dont want her to know that’s why i did it) and i do quite like - it’s light and frothy and well cut together (although about kids and artificial insemination, of course). i guess in a worse case scenario where i’m too sad to work or write, i will probably watch a lot of this show - which is incredibly not sad - and feel sad about how my mum never finished it.

BUT ALSO SHE MIGHT BE OK. for a while.

i dont know how i feel, blargh. anyway. this was a long post. i think i wrote it mostly for me. feelings are weird. covid really sucks and so does cancer.

going to order some chicken and watch inuyasha.

#my content #tw: death #tw: death of a parent #tw: death of a loved one #personal #tw: cancer

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purpleyellow · 4 years ago

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Mae’s relationship with The boyz

The boyz 12th member

Mae’s masterlist

a/n: happy new year everyone!! Feel free to share your thoughts with me. Requests are open! 🧡

Sangyeon

They are a comforting presence for each other. Mae would trust her entire life to Sangyeon as he is someone she’s sure will never outright judge her or demand something she is not comfortable with. On the other hand, I can see him not worrying too much about her but being careful when her mood seems off, and asking what it was afterward so he’s sure she’s fine again.

The girl usually laughs at his impersonations or weird jokes, which instantly put her into his goody list, and Sangyeon is very thankful for having someone that will hear his random rants without getting caught up in it. More often than not, you can see him standing on the sidelines, cheering for her when he’s aware she’s doing something she’s not very confident in.

Jacob

Becoming trainees at the same time might have been the best thing for them, seeing as they often struggled with the same stuff, and pushed the other through their rough times. Mae sometimes wonders where she would be if it weren’t for Jacob and his insane amount of patience. Also, their personality is very comparable and they’re both soft-spoken most of the time, deobis aren’t even surprised whenever they find out something else they have in common.

They made a habit of going to karaoke rooms before debuting as a way to both practice singing and his Korean but to also rest and have fun. After Kevin joined the company he went along as well and after they became rookies all of the members would occasionally join in on the trio.

Younghoon

Soft, just soft. Both together and for each other. When she’s around Younghoon, Mae actually becomes more clingy and he’s the only one she goes out of her way to show skinship with (back hugs are her favorite). He also gets easily entertained by her antics and likes to joke that he’s her bodyguard.

Vlive moments that usually lead to him making an unintentional innuendo and she gets embarrassed and leaves the room so she doesn’t have to explain what just happened. On that note, Mae doesn’t like helping with English that much because it usually leads the members to getting entertained by her accent, but she makes an exception to Younghoon

Hyunjae

His number one hobby is to make her embarrassed, and considering they, as well as Haknyeon, have been roommates for the longest time Hyunjae has a lot of material to share. He clings to her at every opportunity and is constantly nagging about the amount of clothes Mae has as well as the closet space they take.

Surprisingly or not, he often helps her with choreography and is overall a good listener. She’s also not that bothered by his antics and has grown comfortable enough to tell him to knock it off once she gets over them. Fans didn’t know they were as close until she answered “Hyunjae” when asked which of them she’d want as an actual brother.

Juyeon

The “looks tough but is actually soft” duo. Over the years, he became her number one dance instructor seeing as he’s mostly calm and doesn’t really mind pulling extra hours to help her. We know how Juyeon usually babies Eric, and many fans think he’s like that to Mae as well, but on the contrary, he also prefers to be wary instead of butt in on her business.

Having that said, when the girl shows even 1% discomfort or annoyance in general he’s the first one to step in and help her out. Mae usually feels weird that he acts like that but it usually comes in handy when the group is having a discussion and she needs someone to back her up and be on her side.

Kevin

Kevin has taken pride in being the main reason for her meme awakening. Before he arrived, Mae and Jacob were as close as friends could get, but as Kevin and the boy hit it off, Mae expected to be thrown into the sidelines. She couldn’t be more wrong, considering that he also made a lot of effort into keeping her close, thus beginning the “Kevin getting frustrated at Mae not getting his references” saga.

Lowkey, they just want to chill and listen to questionable music together. Highkey, he wants to get her to twerk with him (he’ll kiss the ground the day she does). Again, Mae is a good listener and often joins in on his random thoughts or simply goes along with whatever he’s doing.

New

Random high note battles and both of them silently judging the others. Chanhee and Mae often fall into a cycle of complaining around but instead of tackling the matter with him she often does nothing, which makes him complain ten times harder. Objectively speaking, he’s the member who helps her the most with organizing her stuff and adulting in general.

The girl randomly drags him with her to the mall to people-watch or makes him do vlives with her just for the sake of it. For some reason, it took them a little while to find common ground but once they did, New became one of her go tos when it came to sharing struggles. On a random note, Mae thought his math tricks were an absolute scam and believed none of it until they were actually tested.

Playfully bickering 24/7. They have many fake arguments, usually around her struggles with some choreographies and his lack of patience when it comes to teaching her. Two months after their debut he decided to let that job fall onto Juyeon and his life became a lot more fun. Around the release of Right Here he went back to randomly giving her tips but please don't leave them alone in a practice room.

When it comes to interests Changmin didn’t think they’d have many in common but after many movie nights, he was quick to find out Mae doesn’t really mind horror and thriller which made her perfect to watch them with him. She does, however, have a problem with the creepy-ass dolls and masks he buys and has sworn someday she will make a bonfire out of them.

Haknyeon

99 babies and eternal roommates. They’re an interesting pair considering Juhaknyeon is more laid back and outgoing and Mae is - according to him - more high maintenance. They did find common ground around the fact that they’re both foodies and 99s vlive mukbangs are a very constant thing.

Also, kind of random but he’s one of the members she would stand by without a second thought. Hak just tries his best to make any situation lively and the girl appreciates it a lot, especially when she’s having a tough time herself, so as gratitude she’s ready to fight anyone for him.

Sunwoo

The other person she would stand by without a problem. It doesn’t really help that Sunwoo acts like an absolute child whenever Mae is near and constantly clings to her like she’ll solve every trouble in the world (flash news, she won’t). The girl finds it kind of comical how he’s always giving her puppy eyes and just pushes his head out of the way for him to snap out of it.

Back to Younghoon when I said someone gets entertained by her accent, that is Sunwoo. He’s constantly repeating the way she says some words or asking her to help him say something, which he knows she doesn’t quite like but does it anyway. Also, not her go-to pastime, but random rap battles are always fun when they happen and they usually end up with one of them on the ground laughing.

Eric

Aka the non-Canadian half of the English line. Also mildly entertained by her Aussie accent but doesn’t show it as often as Sunwoo. When they first met, Eric instantly decided they were going to be friends but once she figured it out it was too late and she couldn’t back down anymore (that’s what she says at least, deep down we know she enjoyed his company just as much).

Mae is the introverted friend to his outgoing self, she usually has to tell Eric to calm down because she grew tired of following him around or got very embarrassed by him randomly approaching a senior. Also worth mentioning he’s her number one hype person and has multiple times made her embarrassed by complimenting her in front of deobis or just random people.

Former member: Hwall/Hyunjun

Fashion buddies. Mae has a habit of randomly dragging him to go shopping and they’ve got to the point of adding items into each other’s carts when they think the other might like it. They have a fun time just walking around and chatting as well, before debuting they’d often share what’s bothering them before getting ice cream to cheer up.

Due to different scheduling, it became harder to keep meeting up but Mae often does her best to sneak around into whatever he’s doing. Also, late-night phonecalls became more regular which led the members into believing she had a boyfriend before finding out it was just Mae catching up with him.

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restmyheadatnightcontent · 4 years ago

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until we dream of life and life becomes a dream

hello! i know it’s been a while but i’m back with my next fill for @witcher-rarepair-summer-bingo

a little yennefer & ciri fluff with some pre-relationship yennskier as well as a treat (set early on in this verse)

Prompt: Soothing their fear

Relationships: Yennefer & Ciri, minor Yennefer/Jaskier

Rating: T

CW: mention of nightmares

Summary: Ciri may have calmed down enough to sleep, but Yennefer cannot seem to. There is something humming beneath her skin. She had pushed aside her fear to help Ciri but now it has come flooding back along with the thoughts that make her wonder if she is cut out for this, if she is doing any good.Or if, despite everything, all she is doing is making things worse.

until we dream of life and life becomes a dream

She is sitting on the sofa, scrolling mindlessly through Instagram when she hears the shout. She startles and drops her phone beside her, before rushing up the stairs.

Ciri has been with her for almost two months now, and although they don’t happen as frequently, she is still woken by nightmares often and Yennefer’s heart still drops every time, knowing that Ciri is hurting.

Anxiety washes through her as she makes her way towards Ciri’s room, wondering if this will be the time where she puts a foot wrong, says something or does something that will mean losing Ciri, wondering if this will be the moment the girl realises she doesn’t want to be here anymore, that she wants to live with someone else. Someone who is a natural parent, who is easily affectionate, who knows what to do, who finds it all easy.

Someone not like her.

She pushes those thoughts aside as she makes her way into the room. It is filled with the warm light of her nightlight which they had bought so that if the girl woke up in the night, she would not wake up in darkness, they hoped that the light would be comforting.

But right now, it does not seem to be comforting at all.

The gentleness of the golden light filling the room is in stark contrast to the girl tossing and turning in the bed, whimpers and shouts falling from her mouth.

Yennefer sits on the bed next to Ciri, and carefully reaches out to place her hand on Ciri’s forehead. Often Ciri’s nightmares can be violent and leave her waking up with a swinging arm, and Yennefer has learnt the hard way that sometimes she has to try and wake Ciri carefully from a distance. But thankfully, tonight seems to be one of the calmer nights so she take the opportunity to be closer.

“Ciri,” she says, quietly but loud enough that it will hopefully penetrate the chaos in the girls mind. “Ciri, it’s ok. It’s just a nightmare, but you need to wake up.”

It takes a few minutes for Ciri to wake up, but it feels like hours as she sits there and strokes her hand through the long, blonde hair, waiting for the cries to stop, being able to do nothing but murmur comforts to her, until she wakes up.

Ciri’s eyes fly open as she wakes with a gasp, and Yennefers heart breaks as she watches the girl sits up and frantically search the room for the family she knows she saw in her mind only moments ago.

“Hey, its ok. You’re alright, it was just a bad dream. It’s ok,” she soothes. She doesn’t bother to say it was just a dream or it wasn’t real because they both know that everything Ciri is seeing was real, and her nightmares are just twisted version of her memories.

Ciri seems to come back to herself, her blue eyes clearing as they settle on Yennefer.

“Sorry if I woke you up,” she sniffs, wiping the sleeve of her pyjama top across her nose, voice still thick with tears.

“I wasn’t even asleep yet,” Yen replies. “Do you want to talk about it?”

Sometimes after a nightmare, Ciri wants to talk about it, or wants to talk about her family, telling Yennefer stories about funny things her grandparents, or the few things she can remember about her parents. Sometimes they look through photos, replacing the images of her family Ciri saw in her dream with the smiling faces that look back at her from the pages.

Ciri shakes her head, before asking in a small voice. “Could I – could I maybe have a hug?”

“Of course you can. You can always have a hug,” Yennefer says, before enveloping the girl in her arms. Normally, during the day Ciri is free with her affection and will come bounding up to hug Yennefer whenever she feels like it, but here in the aftermath of a nightmare, she becomes shy and tentative with it.

Yennefer doesn’t say anything as she feels her jumper grow damp with tears, just rubs soothing circles onto Ciri’s back as she cries quietly into Yennefer’s chest.

After a while, as Ciri’s tears lessen Yennefer asks “Do you want to go downstairs? Watch some TV with a hot chocolate? Or do you just want to go back to sleep?”

Sometimes, Ciri finds it hard to go back to sleep after she wakes from a nightmare, so they spend the night wrapped in a blanket on the sofa, watching some nonsense on TV until eventually Ciri will slump against her shoulder and she will carry her back up to bed. And Yennefer is sure that there are people that would say that giving a child hot chocolate in the middle of the night was a bad idea, but it never fails to put a smile on Ciri’s face, so frankly all those people can fuck off.

“I think just sleep, if that’s okay?” Ciri says.

“That’s fine. I’ll stay here until you fall asleep,” Yennefer says as she tucks the blanket up around Ciri.

Ciri’s eyes eventually slip shut and her breathing deepens, and Yennefer sits next to her stroking her hair until she is snoring softly. Then she makes her way out of the room, closing the door quietly behind her and leaning against the door and takes a deep breath. Ciri may have calmed down enough to sleep, but Yennefer cannot seem to.

There is something humming beneath her skin. She had pushed aside her fear to help Ciri but now it has come flooding back along with the thoughts that make her wonder if she is cut out for this, if she is doing any good.

Or if, despite everything, all she is doing is making things worse.

She makes her way to the kitchen, pours herself a glass of wine and sits on the sofa. She picks up her phone from where she had abandoned it before running up the stairs to check on Ciri. There is a new message, and she unlocks her phone to see it is from Jaskier.

Jaskier: I swear if I get one more email from a parent telling me to cast their child as the lead I’m just going to play all the parts myself

She smirks and types out a reply

You’re up late

I could say the same about you

Ciri had a nightmare.

Is she ok?

She’s asleep.

That’s good.

Are you okay?

She goes to type I’m fine but she hesitates, and she’s not enitirely sure why. Maybe it’s because she isn’t fine, not really, she still feels nervous and . But it’s not like she is going to tell Jaskier that, she barely knows him, but yet she still hesitates. It would be so easy, to type out the lie and move on but she can’t quite bring herself to do it. Maybe it’s because she thinks he might understand. Because they are more similar than she will ever admit. That he knows that it is hard to be kind sometimes, when you learnt that being selfish was the only way to get what you wanted.

No-one else would understand.

Not Triss, who only knows kindness, wouldn’t get it. Triss who is kind without hesitation or thought and doesn’t have a selfish bone in her body. Triss who finds showing kindess as easy as breathing, Triss who always seems to know the right thing to say to make feel better, who seems to just understand how someone is feeling, without them having to say anything at all.

Not Renfri, who sees no point in being kind. Kindness has no place in Renfri’s world, she sees no sense in showing kindness in a world that has been nothing but cruel to her. Being kind holds no use for her and so she simply isn’t. Honestly, Yennefer can’t blame her for it. Renfri cares about people in her own way, and Yennefer knows that the other woman cares for her, but she wouldn’t go so far as to describe her as kind.

She certainly can’t talk to Tissaia about it. Although the woman is legally her mother,she always felt that Tissaia cared more about the idea of her than about her. She cared but she wasn’t affectionate or kind, she was strict and honest which Yennefer did respect at the time and no doubt needed, but it doesn’t put the woman at top of her list for those she goes to for emotional advice.

Not that there are many people on that list.

And somehow, Jaskier seems to have made his way on to it.

Later she will blame it on the wine, but she accepts the call.

“Well hello there Yennefer what a pleasant surprise this is!” he cheers, sounding far too alert for this early in the morning.

“You’re the one that rang me,” she points out.

“I know, but I wasn’t actually expecting you to pick up,” he replies, and something flashes through her, a feeling she can’t quite name. Before she can think about it anymore, he asks “So are you?”

“Am I what?”

“Okay. Because it’s alright if you’re not, you know. It must be tough, looking after a child all by yourself.”

“And what would you know about it?”

She doesn’t know much about his relationship with his parents, aside from the odd comment from Renfri, and given how the man has a tendency to say every incessant thought that comes into head out loud, and the fact that he hasn’t said anything about his parents, tells her everything she needs to know about the relationship he has with his parents.

“Do you get weekly phonecalls from the poor mothers of all the bastards you’ve left behind all over the place begging you to come back and help them raise your spawn?”

“No, I’ll have you know that I am always incredibly careful about things like that and there are no little Julians running about the place,” he says.

“Thank the gods,”

“Anyway—” he continues, as though she hadn’t said anything “--what I was trying to say was that any sane person would find it hard to raise a child alone, and it’s only natural if you’re scared.”

“I am not scared,” she says bitingly, but she knows a little too quickly for it to be true.

“Well good for you then but still, I think it’s fine if you are. From what I’ve heard, almost all parents worry about something. I don’t think being scared makes you weak, and in all honesty I think it makes you a better parent. If you’re scared of making a mistake, then you’re less likely to make one.”

“And if I do make a mistake?”

“I’m sure you’d be able to figure out a way to fix it,” he says.

There is a moment of quiet, a moment where Yennefer can end the call and stop herself before she says something incriminating, before she reveals a part of herself that she can’t take back. She is used to doing things alone, she can figure this out by herself.

Or, she could let him in.

She could tell him, tell him about how terrified she is by the prospect of being a parent, knowing that she wants to do it so well, to give Ciri the chances she never had, but she is so scared of doing it wrong. Ciri is depending on her, so she has to do it right.

Otherwise she risks ruining everything.

Again, she isn’t sure why she feels the need to say it to Jaskier of all people, but she needs to tell someone about the thoughts running through her head before the voices become too loud and she’ll be unable to hear anything else, before the doubts that are swirling around her become too much and she starts drowning.

She just has to take the leap.

This is for more than just her, this is for Ciri, and she deserves better than Yennefer trying to muddle through it on her own.

So she leaps.

“It’s just – she – she’s so vulnerable. She’s seen so much and been through so much, and she’s hurting and I just want to help but I can’t help but wonder that I’m making it all worse,” she admits. “I have no clue what I’m doing. I never know what to say and I’m worried that everything I do say is wrong. Everyone else makes it look so easy, and I feel like I’m barely staying afloat.”

“Welcome to being a parent. I’m pretty sure everyone feels the same. Everyone is just like a duck, looking all calm and then paddling like hell underneath,” he replies flippantly.

She can feel her anger rising. He doesn’t get it, of course he doesn’t, and she is tempted to just hang up. But now the gates are opened, and the words keep coming.

“But I’m not like every other parent, and Ciri isn’t like every other child. This is different, so I have to be different and I have to do it right,” she barks. “I cannot let her down.”

“In what way are you letting her down? You took her in, you gave her a home. You hold her, you make her laugh, you let her cry, you sit with her when she has nightmares. You care about her. You are there for her when she needs you to be. You’re trying. You’re making the effort. Isn’t that all you can do?”

“Is it that simple? Isn’t there anything more? More than just trying?”

“Maybe, but it’s a lot more than some people seem able to manage,” he says quietly, voice pained and she has no doubt he is speaking from experience. “I think that right now all she needs is time. She needs someone steady, someone who will be there, an anchor to help ground her when the seas get too rough, and somewhere to land when the chaos subsides.”

She sighs. He’s right. Or at least he sounds right enough to have calmed her worries, at least for tonight. That it will just take time, and that it will be all be alright in the end. And if it’s not, then she’ll figure something out. He’s right, and she thinks that even when she sleeps on it, he will likely still be right tomorrow.

Not that she will tell him that.

“You’re mixing your metaphors.”

“Well it’s 2 o’clock in the morning so excuse me if my poetry isn’t perfect,” he argues.

“Why are you up so late anyway?”

“Ah well, you know us tortured artist types darling, no stranger to a sleepless night,” he says easily, but there is something else in his voice. He sounds tired, more tired than she has ever heard him before and she’s sure there is more to it, but she doesn’t ask. She probably could, she has shown him a vulnerable side of herself and knows that he would probably show the same in return, if she asked.

But she doesn’t.

For as open as he is, for as much as he talks, there are many things that Jaskier doesn’t say, there are things he keeps hidden away. There is a lot that he hasn’t chosen to share with her yet, but she is happy wait. He has wormed his way into their lives, but she finds that she doesn’t mind. He intrigues her, he is loud and cheerful and annoying, a seemingly simple person, but she knows that there is more beneath the surface, more to him that meets the eye.

And surprisingly, she finds that she is ready to wait He is intrigues her, in a way that no-one has in a long time and she can be patient. He doesn’t seem to be going anywhere soon, so she has time to figure him out.

Until then, she can keep teasing him.

“You’re a primary school teacher who plays a silly little guitar, you’re hardly a tortured artist.”

“It is a ukulele, how many times do I have to tell you? And art comes in all forms, Yennefer, don’t be such a snob.”

“It’s not being a snob if you are genuinely terrible,” she retorts.

He makes an undignified noise on the other end of the phone. “How dare you, I’ll have you know I am an excellent ukeleleist! And I am also proficient at playing many other instruments.”

“’Ukeleleist’? I’m pretty sure that isn’t a thing.”

“Oh shut up! It’s 2am, it’s allowed to be a thing,” he grumbles.

A sense of quiet lulls over them, and suddenly Yennefer has to bite back a yawn. All her fear and anxiety has left her now, leaving only tiredness behind. She can hear him tapping the keys of his laptop, probably working on his next song.

“Jaskier?” she asks, her eyes now growing heavy.

The tapping pauses. “Yeah?”

“Thank you. For tonight, for this. I needed to hear that,” she says.

“Anytime,” he replies earnestly.

They say their goodbyes, and she makes her way up to her own bed. But before she does, she stops at Ciri’s room and peers in at the girl, who is sleeping softly, mouth open slightly as she drools on the pillow, far more peaceful than she was earlier.

It hasn’t been easy for either of them so far, life changing so suddenly for both of them, but they’ll figure it out. There will no doubt be mistakes, and people will get hurt, but she cares for this girl, more than she has cared about anything else before, and so she will make it work.

And it will be easier, because she knows she doesn’t have to do it on her own.

#wrsb #witcher rarepair summer bingo #yennefer & ciri #yennskier #yennefer x jaskier #yennefer of vengerberg #jaskier #yennefer #the witcher #the witcher fic #my writing #my fic #made of love verse

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anika-ann · 5 years ago

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For a Smile

Type: One-shot, Reader Insert Word count: 5400

Pairing: Steve Rogers x Reader, OC x reader (brief)

Characters: Steve Rogers, Reader, OFC, OC

Summary: You see him run past every morning. So you smile, because he looks like a nice person. How could he not be when he smiles back and the world stops for a while to pay respect to such beauty?

And sometimes… sometimes this incredibly handsome man smiles first.

Warnings: mentions and hints of (psychically) abusive relaionship, suggestive themes, swearing, all the fluff in the world

A/N: I used to pass this guy near a café playing music every morning when I went to school and at some point, our eyes kinda met and we smiled at each other; then we did that every day. I kid you not, he’s got the most beautiful smile I’ve ever seen. It’s not a Hollywood-star smile, no – it’s a guy-next-door smile, heart-warming, with his eyes simply shining. He’s like a kid on Christmas Day… I could ramble on. Anyway, just so you knew what brought this on.

○◦○◦○◦○◦○◦○ ♥ ○◦○◦○◦○◦○◦○

A smile costs less than electricity, and gives more light. (Scottish proverb)

Warm honey, sandstone and apricot orange melting into indigo, cerulean blue and stone-grey sky. Merigold playing with salmon and rose pink, teasing each other and making space to the warmer shades of orange.

You watched the beautiful colours of sunrise as you shifted your legs for a bit, causing the simple plank hanging on two tattered ropes sway, a smile tugging on your lips.

It was a little childish really, or it may appear so to anyone who would be passing by; but given what an early riser you were, just so you could watch this breath-taking game of colours, the little miracle of nature, no person could question you as you were dangling your feet off the old swing.

On your way to work, if the time allowed it, you would always make a stop on your favourite spot; a no-name park in upstate New York you were walking through every day, rather calm and drunks-free at the early hour.

Once upon a time, someone had placed a simple swing on one of the trees farther from the path. You sent a silent thank you every time you parked your behind there. You weren’t a monster; if a kid wanted to sit here, you would have gladly (...reluctantly) made space for them, but they seemed to always be more mesmerized by the playground with the actual swings, the chutes, the monkey bars and the sandpit. You couldn’t say you complained though, having the old-fashioned swing for yourself.

It was childish, perhaps; though your mother had once chosen that you should be going into accounting and so you had. Numbers and bills were things even adults hated, but that was what being old enough meant. You didn’t mind it too often, plunging into them for living, but… you needed to compensate, so you felt entitled.

Plus, the motion of the swing was soothing, as if magically transporting you back to your childhood indeed, with less worries, more ease and pure mind.

Yeah, sitting on the swing was your favouri-

Rapid staccato of feet hitting the ground in the distance, no doubt scaring off the birds chiming their morning songs, reached your ears and you had to admit you wouldn’t be completely honest with yourself if you said this was the favourite moment of your day only because of the aforementioned reasons.

There was one more.

It had strong long sweatpants-clad legs, broad shoulders in a sports t-shirt with seams crying for help, blond hair and-

Your heart melted along with your brain as your lips curled up in a genuine smile you sent in return.

-and the most beautiful smile in the whole universe.

You never spoke. Didn’t say hello. You never even nodded in mutual acknowledgement.

You just… smiled at each other.

And that was your favourite moment of the day crafted to perfection. A breath-taking sunrise, almost eclipsed by a mesmerizing display of the row of perfect white teeth framed by plush coral red lips and the twinkle in beautiful inviting eyes of a stranger.

You knew his name despite never exchanging a single word. Everyone knew his name. But Captain Rogers – Steven Grant Rogers – was a name that held no meaning. He didn’t know yours and probably never would; so strangers was who you were. A couple of strangers exchanging a smile every morning and lightening up (hopefully) each other’s day.

It always felt nice when you glanced at someone on the street, then just… somehow smiled and they smiled back, didn’t it? So what if you were an adult woman dealing with numbers for Stark Industries sitting on a swing and he was a deservedly treasured national icon?

It made no difference.

Just two people sharing a tiny piece of their day for a smile.

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“You’re insane,” your colleague stated dryly as she walked into the office at seven thirty, already finding you with an empty coffee cup, your fingers flying over the keyboard.

“Huh?” you raised your eyes from the screen on autopilot, not really paying attention.

You still noticed Harry rolling her eyes; it was just that distinctive.

“I said that you’re insane, you crazy-ass lark. My brain isn’t even awake yet. To be fair, I’m ninety percent sure I met Captain Handsome in the hall along with our boss, so it’s hard to tell if I’m dreaming or not, having a vision like that.”

“Captain Handsome?” you frowned, your mind racing, desperately trying to remember who was Harriet’s newest crush. ‘Captain Handsome’ could be literally anyone.

“Our resident Star-Spangled Man, you dummy. You’re low on caffeine. Or sleep. That’s what you get, getting up in such an ungodly hour…” she hummed, crossing her arms on her chest as she looked at you sceptically, a drop of disappointment in her eyes.

Oh. Oh! That made sense; if the man was with Tony Stark, the range of options narrowed significantly, especially since your friend had called him a captain. Except it didn’t make any sense at all.

“What was he doing here? I mean… since when is he wandering in our department? It’s all across the compound here from the training area.”

“Well, look who’s actually awake and bright-minded…” It was your turn to roll your eyes at your friend. “My point exactly. No clue, but lemme tell you – seeing that ass? Definitely made my day,” she threw over her shoulder as she stalked to the coffee machine and you couldn’t but chuckle at her bluntness.

Your stranger had an amazing smile, that was true. But your gaze did slide elsewhere on occasion too; which was why you would never try to disprove Harry’s claim.

“We might have the Ironman for a boss, but, girl… I’d like to know what Rogers’ ass is made of then,” she added and you burst into another fit of giggles, your face feeling hot all of sudden when your mind unhelpfully supplied with ‘vibranium’.

What would it feel like?

Yeah, you definitely needed to go back to your numbers before your impure thoughts got the best of you.

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The first time you two met outside the park, you were in a bar.

You hadn’t seen him for almost a month, assuming he went on a long-drawn mission; one that had ended well, clearly, since he was out drinking. Just eyeing his companions and instantly noting his body language, you could tell he was suffering. Like, not literally suffering, but it was very much obvious he was not feeling comfortable.

His eyes were drifting all over the place, as Sam Wilson and Bucky Barnes laughed loudly, patting his shoulders while a hint or red dusted his cheeks, and then they fell on you.

His face was screaming ‘save me!’; yet, his smile was still as warm and kind as ever, an impossible spark within his irises, visible even from the distance. That twinkle was always the biggest mystery to you, because logically, no person could have eyes so bright, but here he was, proving your claim wrong.

Your lips spread in a smile automatically and encouraged by your second drink, you considered adding a small silly wave.

Before you could execute the decision, the result of your two last braincells arguing whether it would be more silly or sweet, an arm sneaked around your shoulders and your smile widened on instinct at the sensation. You turned your head to Cade and met his lips halfway to yours.

You had been dating for almost a month now and this inconspicuous guy from logistic of a giant company that was surprisingly not Stark Industries was a dream coming true. He was showering you with so much attention you weren’t sure he was real. Late-night conversations via phonecalls or texts, good morning, good night, kisses that lasted long enough for you to forget that you in fact needed oxygen, touches that set you on fire. He was easy to fall in love with.

“Whatcha thinkin’ ‘bout that got you smilin’ so wide, babe?” he whispered to your ear, grazing your earlobe with his teeth.

Gosh, you wanted him. The first sex hadn’t been so great, Cade chasing his own release, but hey, first times were always hard in a new relationship. The more were you excited about your second time and you were confident the second time would happen tonight.

“Nah, just smiling at strangers. You know that feeling, so nice, when you just toss a smile and they smile back?” your eyes found his, only to see him frown.

“I like it better when you smile for me, babe. What did some stranger do for you to deserve that?” he hummed discontentedly, pouting adorably as his hand slid lower to squeeze your hip possessively. It sent a spark through your body, a lightning striking right into your core.

“Just teasing you, Cade. I was thinking about how I lucked out,” you batted your eyelashes and a slow delicious smirk played with the corner of his mouth all of sudden, intensifying the heat inside of you.

“Wanna get out of here, pretty thing? Lemme show you how lucky you are?” he whispered, the pad of his thumb grazing your lower lip, pulling it down a fraction. “Or maybe… show me how much you think you lucked out, huh? How much you appreciate being mine?”

God, yes.

Judging by the glint in his eyes and the hungry kiss that lasted too short – but too long for such a public place – he didn’t need a verbal confirmation. He swung by the bar to pay for your drink and practically dragged you out of the rather crowded space. Your head was spinning a bit and you couldn’t tell whether it was excitement or alcohol. Either way, you really, really liked it.

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“You know that Cade was a dick right?” Harry noted nonchalantly while she handed you a cup of coffee and assessed (correctly) that you were sulking again, thinking back to that one particular night when you had noticed the first sign – or you would have if you hadn’t been such a goddamn idiotic goose of a woman, drunk on top of that.

You sighed and sipped your punishingly bitter dose of caffeine.

You were positively brooding and you didn’t care if it affected anyone else. The world apparently hated you and you couldn’t quite blame it.

Not even your precious strangers-exchanging-smile moments felt the same anymore. First, your stranger had started smiling less brightly after your encounter at the bar and then, even if it had changed, you wouldn’t be able to tell, because you were too wrapped in your own misery. Even the curve of his lips looked sad, which was a stupid thing to say, because he had no way of knowing about either Cade turning out to be an abuser-in-making or about you breaking things off with him and cracking your fragile heart in the process, while yelling at yourself mentally every morning and still longing for Cade’s arms around you since it always felt oh, oh so good to be held…

You recognized the signs early, but not soon enough. You let it escalate into him trying to control when you went out and with whom, him lashing out when you wouldn’t respond to his text in longer than five-minutes time, letting him yell at you when you missed his call… he loved you, after all, he just missed you and was afraid you were with someone else, and oh babe, come here, you can make it up to me…

Your sister had gone through something similar, for god’s sake. You should have noticed sooner. You should have known better. But no, you had allowed your body, your twat to be precise, to rule your brain and that had been stupid.

Cade had tried to get in touch several times after your break-up, even waiting in front of your apartment until you would go out once; you might have threatened him with a restraining order after that particular day and he had stopped quickly after that, only two of three attempts with a new e-mail address and number to get pass you blocking his previous ones.

Still. It made you miserable. And perhaps a bit self-hateful.

You deserved every bitter drop of Harry’s horrible coffee and more.

“I was being blind and stupid,” you opposed and returned to your figures, deciding your exchange was over. Figures were clear enough; they were easy to read and didn’t make your brain drunk on endorphins and other very specific hormones allowing you to act like a teenage girl, excited at her first boyfriend groping her. “Thanks for the coffee.”

A huff sounded above your head and suddenly your swivel chair was being yanked back and turned around, a pair of strict chocolate eyes boring into your soul with startling clarity. Harry’s fingers were wrapped around the armrests as she was leaning into your space.

You backed into your chair instinctively. She looked menacing.

“He was a charming bastard from what I heard and his type always knows how to manipulate people, letting them see what he wants them to see. It’s not your fault. You’re one badass of a woman, smart as hell for noticing before it escalated. You’re my hero. Mine and every other person’s who has ever been in or even heard of an abusive relationship. You can do better than him. It’s a funny coincidence they spelled his name wrong anyway.”

You blinked away your sudden tears, immensely grateful for her words that somehow wormed their way inside your very core (you blamed the intense stare that reminded of your mother’s when she was giving you the kind of talk that was too serious for you to handle) and yet you tilted your head in confusion, not understanding the meaning of her last statement.

“Huh? His… his name?” you stuttered, baffled.

Harry positioned your chair back to its place with a grin and went back to her own business.

“Clearly, they added an ‘E’ at the end. What a stupid typo…” she threw over her shoulder cheekily and when you caught up, understanding her point, you released the first honest laughter in what felt like a year.

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Your life had been set off to better course after that short conversation. You felt like you were healing every day, finding yourself lighter. Happier. Freer of the baggage Cade had tried to left you with. The sensation was indescribable and it radiated from you; some days more noticeably than others.

You found yourself indulging the blond stranger’s smiles once more, finally seeing the spark in his eyes again, the genuine curve of his lips warming your heart and starting off your day in the best way imaginable.

Naturally, life had a reliable means of showing you it could suck.

Right when you thought that you were fine, it delivered another blow; your favourite place in the world… ceased to exist.

Someone put the swing in the park down.

They just… erased it from existence.

Maybe they considered it dangerous. Maybe they were being dicks. Maybe they thought it was old and ugly. It didn’t quite matter.

You could weep, mourning your intimate inanimate friend.

You didn’t cry. But it was a damn close call as you shuffled towards the playground and eyed it sceptically. You knew it wouldn’t be the same and not just because the swings were in a plain sight, but they also looked too fancy, to actually child-like and— they weren’t your swing. Your sanctuary. Your private space. Your secret place you never told anyone about, not Cade or your previous boyfriends, not your family, not Harry or other friends, not to anyone.

You watched the sun rise on the horizon, ridiculously heavy feeling in your chest, ignorant to the rest of the world.

God, you hated Mondays. You already knew this week was about to be a disaster.

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“There’s a swing outside in the green area.”

“Huh?” you hummed distractedly, too deep into figures to register more than the sound of your friend’s voice. What was her name again? What was yours? What day was today? What was the time? Had you already had lunch? Had the lunch-time already passed…?

A chuckle followed by a to-be offended tone responded to your intelligent way of communicating.

“I’m starting to think ‘Huh’ is my name with how often you call me that,” Harry (aha!) remarked with a hint of sass, but repeated herself, because she knew she shouldn’t take it personal that you didn’t quite payed her any attention. You were a person who would get sucked into their own world, too focused on one task to acknowledge anything else. “A swing. In our compound park. It’s kinda cute, hidden from a plain sight though, a simple wooden thing.”

You slowly raised your eyes to hers, your pupils widening with surprise. Your pulse was roaring in your ears, your heartbeat no doubt shaking your whole frame.

Harry was telling you that there was… a swing. In the compound area. Hidden from everyone’s prying eyes, at least partly.

Why?

How?

You could only come up with one ridiculous theory which involved you, but that idea alone was laughable. Why would anyone do that for you? More importantly, how did anyone know-

“You think it’s an invitation for children? Like, is ‘bring your kids to work’ day happening any time soon? ‘cause, not to be rude and greedy, but one swing doesn’t seem like— hey!” Harry called after you, but you could barely hear her as you jumped to your feet, your heels be damned, and strode through the halls with zero regards to anyone in your way.

Not that there was a soul; people actually worked around here, too busy to wander the halls.

The thing was, that one theory about the swing didn’t just involve you. It involved one more person, but that person was a stranger to you and had no reason to even… acknowledge you. Besides the obvious part of your day that no longer existed – not in the way it used to. But the thought was simply laughable.

A different part of your brain raised a figurative sceptical eyebrow, argumenting that you had no better explanation for the phenomenon.

Because… you loved Harry. She knew about your traditional early morning watching the sunrise, but not about the swing. The swing was always a secret, no one knew, except… except one particular guy who always passed you on his morning run and exchanged a smile with you and just happened to work at the very same compound you did and technically had the power to pull the strings to make this happen.

With your heart hammering in your chest, you gasped for fresh air when you finally made it out of the building, your eyes searching for a calm spot, a tree in whose shades you could possibly find a prove of Harry not pulling your leg.

Your heart positively stopped when your eyes fell on the simple plank hanging on two ropes, indeed offering a safe space for anyone who decided to sit there in search for serenity.

You felt tears stinging in your eyes, your feet moving of their own will despite semi-high heels digging into the ground an inch with each step, bringing you closer to that little, yet breath-taking miracle. A chuckle escaped your lips when your trembling fingers brushed the grey ropes, more of your senses acknowledging that this was in fact happening.

Your hand followed the line of the rope, sliding to the plank, only to notice a rough sensation on your fingertips in the corner. A carving, you realized.

Tears of surprise actually welled up when you recognized they were initials. Your initials.

How-- how was that possible?

‘Sit down, you dummy!’ your consciousness cried out exasperatedly. ‘It’s clearly for you!’

“But why?” you asked it under your breath incredulously, thousands of questions ruminating, no answers on the horizon.

Regardless, you reluctantly lowered yourself, shocked when your feet dangled above the ground in precisely the same way they used to-- they used to in the park. It was even installed in the same height.

Reverently, you gave the swing a test-drive, just tiny motions of your feet to try it out.

It was perfect.

Your gaze fell on a sign on the tree trunk, small, subtle and harmonizing with the place without a fault.

Sanctuary of the kind ones. Do not disturb, it read.

You giggled breathlessly, lightheaded and with no care in the world.

That naturally changed when you spotted your very much expectant colleague in the distance, her arms crossed on her chest, figuratively tapping her foot and screaming questions without saying a single word.

The thing is, you thought, I have no idea how to answer.

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Perhaps it was naïve, a child-like trust and excitement, but the next day, you went to your new spot expecting to enjoy the sunrise there and not to be disturbed indeed.

You weren’t.

What you couldn’t quite prepare yourself for was the single daisy lying on the wood, starling you to no end. Hesitating all of sudden, you searched your surroundings, wondering if you interrupted someone else’s plan. Perhaps someone had the same initials as you and whoever made this happen had a different person in mind, doing it for them and the swing was just a funny coincidence.

But then in the middle of your mussing – on the swing, because, screw it, you might as well enjoy this since no one had kicked you out yet – a familiar figure ran past, gracing you with a beautiful smile, once again without a word and with a shy gaze falling to the ground after you met their eyes. With that, it… actually started to settle.

He had done this for you. For some incredible inexplicable reason… your smiling ‘stranger’ offered you a kindness of unseen measures.

And as if it wasn’t enough, you would find a different flower on the wood every day for the whole week. They weren’t even fancy flowers, which made it absolutely magical. Daisy. Tulip. Lilly. No red roses, only cute blossoms, matching the simplicity of the swing.

Harry was nearing the verge of insanity due to your goofy smiles and flowers in your hands; but you remained tight-lipped like an international spy during an interrogation, too afraid that if you said it out loud, sharing that ridiculous impression you were getting these days with anyone, your bubble would burst.

And surely enough, as if you jinxed it mentally, the next Wednesday, no flower waited for you.

It was ridiculous how your mood died instantly. It could have had hundreds of explanations including the one that he went for a mission, because he was Captain Freaking America, in case your stupid heart forgot, but nope, you would still feel the corners of your lips turn down.

You watched the shades of orange bleeding into blue and grey, lost in thought and with unsettling longing in your heart.

You suspected his steps sounded purposely loud when they came from behind you, where you wouldn’t expect them. You didn’t need to see the familiar Nikes on his feet to know it was him; you doubted anyone else would approach you, let alone at such early hour.

Yet you would lie saying your heart didn’t skip a beat when he stopped in his slow tracks by your side, steady feet next to your dangling ones, and you had his identity confirmed.

Your throat went dry and stiff, your voice dying before it could form.

“It’s beautiful, isn’t it?” he whispered reverently, not disturbing the peace of the indeed lovely scenery in front of you.

You didn’t dare to look away from the sunrise as your voice came out unfairly scratchy, a stark contrast to his deep and smooth one that felt like a caress on your skin.

“It is.”

Silence fell on your pair again, but it wasn’t uncomfortable. The birds sung their morning songs, waking up the world and you didn’t think words were needed. Except you owed him something, and you wanted to say it.

Reluctantly tearing your gaze away from the painting by the most amazing artist, the nature itself, you casted a glance at him.

You didn’t realize you had never seen him still; duh, you did know that, but what didn’t quite click in your brain was that you would be able to see him in all his glory, soft smile and an absent gaze framed by long eyelashes, shadows casted all over his face and body, playing games which gave him a surprisingly ethereal aura for a man of his built.

Your stomach tied itself into a knot at the sight and the ‘thank you’ got once again stuck in your throat when his eyes turned to you as well, you breath stolen from your lungs, your lips parting uselessly and curling into a smile on instinct when his did.

Despite seeing the too startling sparkle up close, you couldn’t tear your eyes away from the deep blue with a hint of green of his irises. It was just too captivating, locking you in a sweet cage you didn’t feel trapped in, but free and suddenly able to breathe in again.

“Thank you,” slipped from your lips unwittingly, shocking to your own ears.

The very same hint of scarlet you remembered from the infamous bar encounter dusted his cheeks, his smile softening as he turned a bashful gaze away, now fixated on the ground.

“Just wanted to see you smile again. Best part of my day,” he admitted, peeking at you from the insanely long and thick eyelashes and you could melt on spot, dizzying vertigo overcoming you at the sweet words. Good thing you were sitting.

You had no idea how to respond, your heartbeat thumping in your temples, your face feeling too hot and chest pleasantly warm at such admission. Your teeth went to chew on your lip and you abruptly stopped yourself. Bad, bad habit.

“Was… was that the only thing? Because the swing would be more than enough, let alone with my initials, and the flowers-“

“Maybe-“ he softly interrupted your lame attempt at flirting which had turned into a babble, but with same nerves coursing his voice unless your senses were playing tricks on you. A shiver ran down your spine at the realization that he might be as nervous as you were-- the strangest thing in the world, wouldn’t it be? “Maybe I could tell you… over a coffee?”

A daffodil entered your field of vision, happy, bright and yet somehow shy in his big hand and you didn’t think twice before accepting it, your fingers brushing his skin in the process only half-accidentally. Passing you the flower, he offered you a hand so he could assist you in standing up.

Ah, as if he knew your knees felt wobbly and uncooperating with the overwhelming turn of events.

You didn’t hesitate to accept that either. You had a hunch that the manners of a forties’ man would be offended if you didn’t anyway.

“Thank you. Again.”

The twinkle in his eyes shone brighter at your words, his smile widening.

“My pleasure.”

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“If I trip over something, I’ll bully you into carrying me everywhere for the next month,” you threatened in a joking manner as your boyfriend of one year led you through his apartment with his huge palm sprawled over your eyes, while his other gently rested on your lower back, making sure you maintained some balance.

“I wouldn’t complain about that. Are you serious? Because I just might let you trip then…” he teased back and you could hear the grin in his voice, mesmerized by the happy note in it. You would roll your eyes at him fondly, but he wouldn’t see it, so there was no point.

“Don’t you dare…”

“Okay, let’s stop now,” he whispered in your ear, his hand shifting to your hip to squeeze lightly, causing you to shiver. You and Steve had taken your time when it came to physical aspect of your relationship (past certain bases anyway), so a touch like that still sent a delicious electrifying feeling through your whole body.

As if you weren’t excited enough ever since the moment he had told you he had had a surprise for you.

Chewing on your lower lip, you followed his gentle instruction and stopped in your tracks.

“Should I be afraid?” you asked for the fourth time in the past five minutes.

“Terrified,” he confirmed in a joking manner. “You ready?”

Not waiting for your answer, he uncovered your eyes and with a deep inhale, you snapped them open.

Only for your breath to hitch at the sight in front of you.

“Oh my god... it’s beautiful!” you exclaimed, a surprised chuckle escaping past your lips.

In the corner of the living room, soft marigold pillows laid in a circular hammock chair coloured in the indigo of an early sunrise, practically begging for you to jump in and nestle there with a book and relax.

Instantly reminded of how you met Steve in the first place, you couldn’t but spun on your heels and threw your arms around him, strong arms eagerly welcoming you as his chest shook with hushed chuckle.

“Glad you like it,” he murmured, hiding his face in your hair, raising you from the floor effortlessly. “Happy anniversary, sweetheart.”

“Thank you, thank you, thank you! Happy anniversary, Steve. This truly is amazing. I love it!”

“But not more than me?”

It was your turn to chuckle as you retreated, placing a kiss on his nose and earning a pout that simply had to be kissed away.

“No, Steve, not even this amazing hammock compares to you. I’ll show you exactly how much I love you in a sec, I just have to test it out,” you promised.

He released you with no protest and watched with a fond smile as you climbed in with a child-like excitement, the corners of his eyes twinkling. He slowly made his way to you as the hammock swung gently with your weight and you sent him a delighted grin as he sat on his heels in front of you, his hands landing on the edges so he had the control over the movements.

“What’s the verdict?” he pried softly and you opened your mouth to respond with enough enthusiasm to power the state of New York for a year; but he continued. ”Is it comfy enough for you to… make you consider- that maybe-- you could… stay here more often?”

Your breath hitched, your throat swelling when you got a pretty good idea of what he was asking from his serious gaze. Yet, you needed to make sure, butterflies in your stomach flipping their wings wildly as you leaned forward, invisible magnets pulling you towards him.

“And by ‘more often’ you mean-“

“All the time,” he whispered, his eyes roaming your face nervously, trying to spy a reaction, read the answer in your expression alone.

You chuckled incredulously, ecstatic at such proposition, and placed your palms to both sides of Steve’s face, grateful for his grip on the hammock and trusting him not to let you faceplant on him with how hazardous the kiss you gave him was.

Your eyelids fluttered close, but you felt his smile as his lips engaged in a tender dance with yours, one of his hands sneaking to the side of your neck to pull you closer, tilting your head as his tongue teased your lips to part.

How could you deny him anything even when you felt like you were about to fall face-down any second? He would be under you when you landed anyway. What more could you wish for-

“I love you,” he breathed to your mouth as he broke the kiss for one damned second that felt like eternity; one second in which you forgot to suck more air in even when given the opportunity. Who needed oxygen anyway? You could breathe Steve in and live blissfully, it was what you were trying to do for the past minute and it was glorious- “That’s a yes, right?”

A chuckle escaped you as you dodged another kiss, his lips landing in your hair instead, the hammock swaying hazardously. Mm, seemed like your supersoldier was too distracted to watch your balance.

“Yes. The hammock totally convinced me,” you teased him lightly, an idea striking you when you said those words. Climbing down as he was still sitting in front of you on his heels, you lowered yourself on him, nestling in his lap and leaning to his ear and sharing your not necessarily filthy thought in a breathless whisper. “But I think I still like sitting right here much better.”

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S.R. masterlist

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Tags: @mermaidxatxheart

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Thank you for reading :-*

P.S. - Keep smiling; at the people you love whenever you can, at strangers and at the person you see in the mirror :))

#marvel #fanfiction #steve rogers x reader #steve rogers imagine #steve rogers fanfiction #mcu #captain america fanfiction #captain america x reader #captain america imagine #reader insert #fluff #one-shot #steve rogers oneshot #captain america oneshot #avengers #captain america #for a smile #anika ann

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