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Was thinking about decade nicknames like the Roarin' 20s, Dirty 30s etc and for a moment got weirdly emotional over the fact that the 90s were called the Wild 90s/the Free 90s here
#like. like#i can't even comprehend what it must have felt like back then#the sudden freedom to travel anywhere after 40 years of closed borders#media flooding with things that have been banned until then#the sudden freedom to listen to any music you want. read any books you want. watch any movie you want#suddenly you could write letters to relatives living in the West without censoring yourself in them. or even visit them#iron curtain falls and about 200 million people suddenly feel like the whole wide world has opened up to them#and is waiting for them to explore it#when the regime fell and the borders opened in 1989 my mom and uncle and their whole friend group took their bikes#and went on a tour all the way to the west coast of France#and yes i'm aware that the sudden change of leadership and politics and economy led to massive economic hoarding and corruption#but damnit i'm just thinking about what it must've felt like for the people#like a flock of birds when the doors of a cage suddenly open#mist getting emotional over historical events on main
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before you know about women, you hear that you do not need to love the man, just that you need to love him through his manhood. which is to say you have seen the future painted in lamb's blood over your eyes - how your mother shoots you a look about your father's inability to cook right. how your aunt holds her wineglass and says i'm gonna kill em. men, right! how your best friend bickers with her boyfriend, how she says i can't help it. i come back to him.
you learn: men are gonna cheat. men aren't going to listen when you're talking, because you're nagging. men think emotions are stupid. they think your life is vapid and your hobbies are embarrassing. men will slam things, but that's because men are allowed to be angry. if you get loud, you're hysterical. if a man gets loud - well, men are animals, men are dogs, men can't control their hands or their eyes or their bodies. they're going to make a snide comment about you in the locker room, about your body, about how you're so fucking annoying. you're going to give him kids, and he will give you the money for the kids, and you're going to be running the house 24/7 - but he gets to relax after a long day, because his job is stressful. the man is on stage, and is a comedian, and says "women!"
and you are supposed to love that. you are supposed to love men through how horrible they are to you - because that's what women do. that's what good women do. wife material. your father even told you once - it'll make sense when you're older. it was like staring down a very lonely tunnel.
it feels like something's caught in your throat, but it's all you know, so. it's okay that you see sex as a necessary tool, a sort of okay-enough ritual to keep him happy, even though he doesn't seem to care about happiness as-applied-to you. it is relationship upkeep. it is kissing him and smiling even though he didn't brush his teeth. it is getting on your knees and looking up and holding back a sigh because he barely holds you as you panic through the night. it's not like the sex is bad and you do like feeling wanted. and besides! he's a man! like... they're another species. you'll never be able to actually communicate, right. he isn't listening.
you just don't get it. you don't feel that sense of i'm gonna climb him like a tree. mostly it just feels fucking exhausting. you play the part perfectly. you smile and nod and are "effortlessly" charming. and it's fine! it's alright! you even love him, if you're looking. you could have good life, and a good family, and perfectly happy.
in the late night you google: am i broken. you google i'm not attracted to my husband. you google i get turned on by books but not by him. you google how to get better in bed.
the first time he yells at you, it almost feels like blankness. like - of course this is happening. this is always how it was going to end up. men get angry, and they yell, and you sit there in silence.
you mention it to your friend - just the once - while you're drunk. she shrugs and says it's like that with me too, i just try to forget and move on. men are always gonna hear what they want to. pick your battles and say sorry even though he's in the wrong. you play solitaire online for a month. you go to your therapist appointment and preach about how you're both so in love.
after all, you have a future to want. nobody lied about it - how many instagram posts say marriage is hard. say real love takes work. say we fight like cats and dogs but the best part is that we always make up. how many of your friends say happy anniversary to the best and worst thing to ever happen to me. if you really loved him - loved yourself too - you'd accept that men are just different from you.
the first time she kisses you, it's on a dare at a party. something large and terrifying whips through your body. you wake up sweating from dreams where her mouth is encrusted with pearls and you pick them off one by one with your teeth. fuck. you sit at the computer and your almost-finished game of sim city. you think about your potential perfect life and your potential future family. you google am i gay quiz with your little hands shaking.
you delete each letter slowly. you don't need to love him. you just need to keep going.
#warm up#writeblr#this is also about being ace btw#my identity has slowly shifted over time and maybe if everyone is REAL cool i'll talk bout it#bc it's complicated and nuanced. but this is like#trying to warn u that if you find it “relationship upkeep” to have sex with ur partner#and don't actually enjoy it or seek it for urself. u might just not be attracted to them.#which is fine ! ace ppl can be perfectly happy in any relationship they feel good in!#but also i wasn't as straight as i had expected!#> the first time i saw dick i was like. huh. oh okay that's fine i guess#> the first time i saw pussy i was like. WAIT ACTUALLY HANG ON I GET IT#i just assumed sex wasn't all it was cracked up to be ya know#but also like. btw? this IS NOT saying ''u might be gay not ace''#bc tbh i'm grey ace/demisexual#it's saying u might not be into ur partner. explore urself & ur feelings. turn inward.#TAKE THIS IN THE MANNER IT WAS MEANT> GENTLE AND KIND#AND NOT IN A WEIRD INTERNET WAY PLEASE#bc the truth is that there ARE ppl who are gay who assume that they just ''don't like'' sex#and ace ppl who might need a different partner w/different needs#and i would have REALLY needed to hear ''check in w/urself about if u actually like sex''#WAY EARILIER in my life. but nobody said anything bc they assume if ur having sex. u like it.#not just the actual act of sex. not once ur turned on. do you ACTUALLY like it. or is it a burden?#even if ur gay. check w/urself. maybe ur more ace than u realized. in which case. ADDITIONAL FLAG BB#i love collecting my flags. i'm at like 354 at this point#but also btw this is about how toxic relationships are SO normalized that u can be in one#and have everyone around u being like ''THATS JUST MEN LOL''
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hey very important to me and me alone, is roy doing ok in your big brother au? if not ok tell me that he’s alive at least because I love him and hope he’s just chilling at home with baby lian waiting for dick to get his shit together
this is the only universe i’ll ever make where roy harper is the last person to worry about
my man found his calling as a stay at home suburban dad
not everything is great of course, there is some lore regarding that ring, but roy harper is a determined masochist if nothing else and jade has a thing for pathetic men
#big brother#roy harper#red arrow#arsenal#lian harper#jade nguyen#cheshire cat#you know it’s bad when jade and roy have the most stable relationship#i’ll find some time to explore that part#it’s not what you’re thinking tho#like what ur thinking about them? not that#art#fanart#asks#comic#duckytree#the mental stability of every roy harper across the multiverse channelled into this one#he’s still tragic tho#the spice is in the angst#just wait and see
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this just in: danny fenton is just as much of a mask as Brucie Wayne? - another danyal al ghul au
Turns out, being placed in a civilian family who have no knowledge of your background is actually detrimental to the health and development of a child assassin due to lack of proper support! Surrounded by strangers in a foreign city, Danyal Al Ghul does as assassins do best. He hides. Espionage is one of many teachings one learns in the League, and it only takes half a day for Danyal to construct a new persona to hide behind: Daniel Fenton.
By the time dinner rolls around, Danyal al Ghul is safely and securely tucked behind the face of Danny Fenton; brand new adoptive child of the Fenton family who came from overseas. A shy, quiet little boy with a thick accent and curly hair, with brown skin and blue eyes, and an avid interest in the stars. The best fictions are always cobbled together in a little bit of truth, it's some of the only truth he ever lets through. He apologizes in a meek voice for his behavior early, he didn't mean to be rude, and he watches the three of them eat it up with coos.
Lies roll like silk against his lips, he struggles to meet their eyes and offers them his weakest, shyest smile. It's too easy. It's easy to go from there.
Danny Fenton, adoptive son, shy and awkward and unconfident but friendly. Who struggles in his classes and isn't the brightest, but tries his hardest. He makes bad jokes and has a quick tongue and a sarcastic mouth. He wants to be an astronaut. He's got the best aim in school, and is a terrifying dodgeball player. He's one of the least athletic kids in his grade.
It's like playing two truths and a lie, but there's only one truth, and the rest are lies. It's easy to pretend when he knows it's insincere.
Danyal Al Ghul, grandson to the Demon Head. Deadly, trained assassin. Has spilled blood, has had blood spilt from. Environmentalist, animal activist. He loves the stars. He owns a calligraphy set. A sharp tongue, an even sharper blade. He's clever, quick-witted, he would be top of his grade if he tried harder. He purposely doesn't.
He misses his family. He misses his mother, and he misses his brother. Mother visits a few times a year, so few times that he can count it on both hands. He cherishes every visit, as brief as they are. It helps remind him who he is.
Sam and Tucker are Danny's best friends. They've never met Danyal, but Danyal's met them.
It becomes routine to become Danny Fenton. As familiar and as easy as pulling on a shirt in the morning. Danyal wakes up and is always first to the bathroom in the mornings; stares at himself in the mirror until he can finally see Danny staring back at him. At night, he locks his door and sheds the mask.
Dying throws a wrench in his mask; splits a crack straight through the porcelain. He's able to smooth it over with sandpaper and liquid gold, but it's a little hard keeping his ghost form under wraps. It instinctively wants to shift to show his true self. Danyal can't have that, he's spent four years as Danny Fenton, he'll spend another four as him as well. Even if the feeling of the hazmat suit in his ghost form feels restrictive, like a too-small shirt suctioned to his skin that needs to be peeled off.
He'll live. Er-- well, you know what he means. It's frustrating however, trying to keep his Danny Fenton mask up even as Phantom - fighting in the air is something he needs to get used to, and the sudden propping of powers throws him off. But he is nothing if not adaptive, and he hates that he needs to slow his own skills down in order to keep pretenses up in front of Sam and Tucker.
The first time Danyal summons a sword when he's alone, is one of the few times Danyal gets to grin instead of Danny. He's fighting Skulker, and from an invisible hilt he draws a katana from thin air. It startles them both. Skulker takes a step back at the smile that spreads across his face.
They're both silent as Danyal examines his new sword.
"Do you know what people like me do to people like you, poacher?" Danyal finally asks him, the accent he began to hide a few months in slipping through. He drops all pretense, dragging the flat end of the blade slow and appreciatively against his palm. It's a good make, and when he cuts it through the air, it slices through like butter. He looks up at Skulker with a smile; "are you ready to find out?"
When Sam and Tucker ask about why Skulker seems so skittish around Danny now, Danny shrugs at them and says with a playful smile; "I don't know, I guess I kicked his butt too hard after our last fight." and he watches as Sam rolls her eyes exasperatedly, and Tucker snickers with his own joke.
By the time he reunites with Damian before their 15th birthday, Danyal is buried beneath so many layers of Danny Fenton that his brother will need a shovel to dig him out. He's not sure what he'll find.
#dpxdc#danny fenton is not the ghost king#dp x dc#dpxdc crossover#dp x dc crossover#danyal al ghul au#danyal al ghul#dpxdc prompt#dpxdc au#dc x dp crossover#dp crossover#demon twins au#so turns out putting an assassin child in a normal family does not actually fix the child. it may just make them worse. had this thought#today and had to extrapolate. i have a whole ass post in my drafts explaining my idea for this lmao. my thought was basically:#'damian would be the better off twin because he'd have actual proper support compared to danny bc the bats know damian's background and +#+ as a result can actually address the league's teachings properly and help him dismantle the lessons that have been ingrained in him +#+ as compared to danny who would be with a random family - regardless of affiliation - who would only be able to help with surface level +#stuff if danny even ever lets them see that. danny would need to dismantle his own mindset on his own if he even thinks he has to.'#jazz is not a reliable or licensed therapist. that is a child. she's not even implied to be a good one. psychoanalyzing people doesn't make#you a good therapist. it just means you can psychoanalzye people. and therapy only works on those who think they need it. danny would not#think he'd need it and any attempts from jazz to psychoanalyze him would just result in him shutting her out and doubling down on his belie#tldr: starry made another au exploring the psychological effects of growing up in the league and he calls it:#'whose the more adjusted twin? Damian or Danny? Lmao Damian ofc. Danny got screwed over'#rip to damian you have your work cut out for you trying to peel back all of your brother's protective layers. that's an iceberg waiting to#be explored. o7 to you champ your brother got the short end of the stick. danny has so many things to unlearn that i didn't go into here#its an actual demon twins au too! would ya look at that.
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911 really is such a good reminder of the particularly kind of joy that is weekly, seasons-long shows with many episodes per season. every character gets a moment to shine even in a truncated season. the satisfaction of seeing characters grapple with stuff that happened YEARS ago. having multi-episode arcs and one-off arcs that are equally enjoyable. beach episodes (metaphorical). I know we're all saying this all the time but why can't more tv be like this
#911#911 spoilers#lauren feels things#do I hate waiting week to week for this show?#of COURSE#but it's so fun to run to youtube after an episode and watch the promo for next week#(why don't weekly streaming shows do promos btw? we should bring those back)#this week's 911 really was such a SHINING example of this#in one episode we got:#HUGE bobby exploration#bathena content#major hen exploration#AND henren content#eddie breakthrough#buddie content#callbacks to seasons 1 and 2 in MANY ways#tommy content!! that confrontation with his old shitty captain did so much in such a short time#we didn't get enough chimney or madney for my taste#but that's only because I can LITERALLY never get enough of them#and chimney had a hUGE episode 2 episodes ago so that's okay#and!!!!!! this is after a whole week spent JUST on bobby!#that was so compelling!!!#and in a 10 episode season still feels like we're getting to everything#the callback to dosed#the return of bobby's suicidal ideation#I mean jesus CHRIST#I'm so glad he and athena talked about the book#also I would loooooove love love another bobby chimeny convo about this at some point#bc that scene in s1 when bobby tells chimney about his plans to kill himself#is one of my favorite scenes it's SO good
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we should have a spin-off and it's just aya helping bram discover the world. call it adventures of aya and bram-pack (she carries him around on her back like a backpack)
#enas.txt#bungou stray dogs#it's bram learning about all this modern technology and being SO amazed#and aya's like wait til u hear about AI...#just picturing them exploring the world and taking selfies#aya posing really cutely and bram with his deadpan face#he's enjoying himself a lot tho#they're so silly and funny together#bsd s5
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u know what would be a cool genshin fic idea? isekai/transmigrated reader, but instead of appearing within the general timeline, you come into the genshin world 500 years prior to the start of the storyline in khaenri'ah.
honestly it could be either a little before the cataclysm, giving enough time to delve into some relationship building + explore some world building with characters like dainsleif, traveller's sibling (which would probably be lumine bc i actually do like her as abyss sibling & aether as traveller), and npcs like halfdan (still crying over him to this day ;w;) and possibly the khaenri'ahn royal guards (assuming you either join them or have a good enough relationship with them), OR it could be you appear during the crisis, completely and utterly lost as to why you were brought amidst the chaos and bloodshed as you watch everything you barely knew about this nation crumble before your very eyes.
either route will still result in reader's existential crises and constant "why am i here? just to suffer?" monologues because really, who would be fine after going through that after coming from /our/ world? and not to mention you've had to endure the next 500 years wandering with no real set path because you don't know this world— this era of teyvat or of genshin. you're merely stuck, unable to die, and forced to live a life of uncertainty with no clear direction for you to go to.
despite it all, you've at least been able to see dain during this course. while your meetings pass far too quickly for your lonesome, and his solemn demeanour is something you're yet to be accustomed to after having been with him before the fall of khaenri'ah (assuming it's the route where you appear before the cataclysm), you're glad to see a familiar face every now and then. after the messy departure with the lumine who left for the abyss order, you've come to appreciate his quiet presence more and more each time.
and then you decide it might be time to settle. you soon realise it's difficult to do so when your lifespan has become far more than that of a human's ��� of a mortal's — and so you find yourself becoming used to staying in one place for a few years before setting off for the next. rinse and repeat. over and over. it's come to a point where you've witnessed the nations undergo various changes each time you visit. you know change is inevitable, and yet your heart stings each time you witness it; a testament to how the world is ever-changing, yet you're stuck in place as a bystander.
one thing you're grateful for, however, are the bonds you've established amid your back-and-forth over the centuries. from archons like zhongli and venti to long-life beings such as neuvillette and the adepti to regular mortals who have showed you kindness as if one of their own... you've grown to cherish those memories, often reminiscing them when the nights get too long and surroundings too quiet. it was difficult at first, and still is, but you've become used to the inevitable change and the passing of those you once knew.
and after 500 years, you find yourself face-to-face with one you haven't seen since before you appeared in this world; the protagonist of this world, and the one you eventually join in hopes of finally finding a means to an end, aether.
little side notes/extras:
from /our/ world, you would probably know the storyline from up to around current (5.0) or maybe a little after the fontaine aq conclusion. it gives a lot to work with, but you definitely won't remember a lot of the lore after so long other than some main events, especially since most of your knowledge is pretty irrelevant for the next 500 years,,,
i think it would be cool if you had an inteyvat on your person as a little homage of khaenri'ah, which may or may not invoke some opinions from certain characters (*cough* aether immediately being reminded of lumine and having an existential crisis *cough*)
post-cataclysm you would go through a, uhm, long phase of helplessness, wondering why you were even brought to this world so far back if you couldn't even make any contributions. it does eventually morph into a resolution to do what you can to help those you come across if it's within your capabilities, but the nightmares and helplessness come back every now and then as a reminder for what you can't do :D yippee :D
honestly i'm on the fence whether you would have a vision or some other type of abilities (think on the similar lines of aether/lumine's and dain's), but i think having some type of purification mechanic would be a must in your arsenal !! would definitely lead to some moments between you and characters like dain or zhongli who suffer from the erosion as you give them a slight reprieve from what rages within and corrodes them
a little self indulgent, but i'd like to think your first /proper/ meeting with zhongli happens during a lantern rite festival, wherein you're admiring the lanterns in the sky after making a wish of your own and he comes up from behind with "they're beautiful, wouldn't you say so?" and !!
also as for love interests, as much as i would love for human/mortal characters, a part of me feels like this story would be better suited for the immortal/long-life characters as love interests?? idk i feel like considering that 500 years is, well, a long time, the bonds you would have with them compared to characters like, say, alhaitham or diluc would be way too different ?? though i would definitely still add them as love interest bc i am a sucker for so many of the human characters ;w; it would also add to the angst and hurt/comfort ahahha...
anyway thank you for reading this massive brain dump of a fic bc i absolutely would put this as a long term project, and if u made it this far then i would like to say that dain solos—
#sophie talks : concepts <3#dont mind me i am just in HEAVY brainrot over this genshin x reader concept bc OURGH??? THE POSSIBILITIES??? THE LORE??? THE RELATIONSHIPS?#also exploring dynamics with the immortals/those with longer lifespans like zhongli; the adepti; neuvillette; the archons in general; DAIN#and lumine; and maybe fatui... hehe.... AND AETHER TOO#omg imagine pierro trying to convince u to join him in the fatui after having finally tracked u down after the cataclysm bc of ur frequent#changes from nation to nation only for u to turn him down saying u dont wish for further damnation. he leaves u alone and u think he wont#pester u anymore until u see him years later again and again and again; him with the same question and u with the same answer#BUT ALSO KHAENRI'AH WORLD BUILDING/EXPLORATION BUT ITS LITERALLY JUST LIKE WRITING A MEDIEVAL ROYAL AU RAAHHH#sir royal guard captain!dain interactions... the royal guards... adopted royal!lumine interactions bc ur just like her from another world#and tells u stories of her and aether & u grow closer and u travel with them before dain joins u both before the inevitable break up and#OMG WAIT MADAME PING DYNAMIC WHEN U BECOME FRIENDS WITH THE ADEPTI AND SHE JUST OFFERS U TEA AND A SHOULDER TO LEAN ON BC SHE KNOWS U SO WE#AND OHHHRHJFHJHGJF#cries. this fic would be a lot of emotional hurt/comfort and self acceptance for new life and reader will need a big fat long hug#anyway i will write this. one day. hopefully.
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Yo....I can't get over the Izutsumi reveal, and how it's in a side comic. Like, she was never human. She's a cat with part of a human soul put into her. That's probably why she acts so cat instinctively. Just.....fjdhdhdh what...wow...
#dungeon meshi#dungeon meshi spoilers#dunmeshi#izutsumi#kui sensei out here dropping major character stuff in side things#i feel like a lot of kabru is also explored in the side bits as well#like oh yeah his mother was cast out for infidelity suspicions cuz he was born with blue eyes#and had to raise him all on her own before she died#and as a kid he thought he was part monster cuz of them#etc etc#the dungeon bible has fascinating character stuff and i cant wait to get the complete version#whenever it gets officially translated in English
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leander the... saint?
on this wonderful day i bring a theory about leander's name, or who he's named after. this is vastly speculation because leander is a mystery and a half in the body of a man, so take it with a grain of salt.
we know very few things about leander's life before canon: he grew up with a hightown family, was considered a prodigy, and left his home because he didn't want to join the senobium.
and then, as per norm at this point, i found a connection with a saint.
meet saint leander of seville, the only one known by that name:
now this is a man with some muscle on the tiddy department
this man is one of four siblings born to an elite family in what is now cartagena, spain. now, all four of them are in the religious area of life, and all four are considered saints.
however, saint leander was exiled by the king liuvigild for protecting his son, who was also canonised as saint hermenegild, and sent away to byzantium. there, it's said he attempted to get the emperor to fight against liuvigild, but failed.
and i gotta point out this dude's staff.
those are both from artistic depictions, obviously, but those decorations are... pretty similar to lilies, in my opinion. or, if i were to talk about a flower looking like that, i'd talk about lilies.
also, the way is bends into a swirl/spiral is quite interesting when you remember leander's (the character, not the saint) connection with immortality, and this little detail in his cg:
you see the swirl?
anyway, i am out of words to talk about them, but i just wanted to talk about how similar leander the character and leander the saint are, and how the character might have been named after the saint.
#touchstarved game#touchstarved leander#touchstarved theory#i was doing research for something completely different and stumbled upon this random saint dude#when i tell you my brain JUMPED into theory mode#i adore how little we know about leander because we can guess anything#can't wait to explore this man (all of them really) from the inside out
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rereading the nuca pink doujin and seeing yakumo tear himself apart re: his snake form vs his human form all this agony and self-doubt and silent suffering and fear of rejection like "if i looked less human would u hate me" , "if u saw me in my true form wouldn't that be horrible. terrifying. disgusting" , "if i admitted i want to swallow you whole would you think worse of me"
and i imagine him asking something like this to the crowd of clan members , who are , undeniably,, a group of Kinky Fuckers
they all smile with the serenity and carefully masked excitement of a horny olivine. masterful beautiful reassuring expressions (errr..... masked to different degrees depending on the clan member)
#yaku is in his head so much about that#he thinks his snake form would be gross right? right????#eiden might give me Wet Hole privileges when i look like this carefully crafted human avatar#but if i revert to my original body there's no way anyone would ever want to ..be with me... like that? right???#meanwhile eiden's just got that sly look on his face in the corner waiting for yakumo to make the proposal#i can't imagine any of the clan members being particularly freaked out about yaku in snake form.....#all the yokai are immediately eliminated from Grossed Out pool. like. that's them. they know how it be#then you got the ppl who have lived way too long to be shocked by a sweet little snakewife being more noodley than usual#rei and quincy fall into that category most likely. blade by association because . well. blade.#he's gonna make a Yakuchan Snake sculpture and it's gonna be extra cute so yakumo doesn't feel shy about his snake form anymore#(actually it's going to freak yaku out even more and he's gonna spiral thinking that he's uglier than he ever imagined)#(and he's gonna run away feeling more insecurity while blade is SUPER CONFUSED because he captured his cuteness perfectly??)#(eiden's gonna have to reconcile another misunderstanding. sorry eiden. artistic differences are rough)#and you have the general Kinky Fuckers like eiden oli and morv#morv won't care as long as you feed him LOL#and eiden and oli are just sideeyeing excitedly like. snake? snake??? can we. can we try that 👀#i imagine that the only people who might express hesitation at first are edmond and dante#eddie would probably cave though once he realises it is IN FACT still yakumo in there. and he can fully consent#(then we give way to Kinky Fucker Edmond. Welcome to the party eddie!)#hmm... dante... never really thought about him and snakekumo...#how would that even go DOWN? like what is even the siTUATION here? how did we get here??#dante catches sooley who has a tiny snakekumo in his mouth??? a tiny lil guy who was lurking in his palace for some reason???#hm. warrants more thought exploration. we'll come back to that another time.#nu carnival yakumo
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Still very wild to me when people try to gotcha Jason with the whole "if you can kill other people for being evil why can't they kill you" when jason is like. One of the most passively suicidal characters I've ever seen. What if man
#augh i dont want to cw this because im just talking about The Character and i feel bad when i do it for characters but i probably should#suicide mention#ask to tag#while im here i do absolutely believe hes been suicidal since jaybin times. maybe even before just in different ways. but like#going into that building with shelia? yeah#now. i DONT think he was aware of it and if youd ask him hed say no fully believing thats the truth#but like if a ghost jaybin had some introspection time i think he'd maybe eventually be like yeah#his outcomes to him were have a loving parent or die and hes a very big fan of ultimatums like that.#but he doesn't fully see it like that as jaybin because oh hes a hero and saving others when no one else can is what heros do :)#ramble. ivee been feeling it lately yknow how it is#ive once saw a post saying jason was planning to die after the joker was dead in utrh and yeagh i can see that#he puts A BOMB in his HELMET#suicidal characters in the context of hero stories are so fascinating to me. the self sacrifice.#the not caring about your own safety as long as you save someone else. the pushing yourself#the way itd be so easy to make it look like they just fell in battle. to be considered a hero in the end#anyway ive been glancing at suicidal jason todd fics. how bad is it that im still getting mad about characterization#because theyre not killing him right#AND ANOTHER THING. since im here and i try to avoid making posts about The Character like this so might as welk get it all out#think about suicidal jaybin as well as the fact 80s bruce very much considered suicidal people/people attempting like#weak and lazy? yells at them? i think thats about it. Very Much. je seems to straight up just hate them#again very much feel free to ask me to tag this one ^-^'#and i hope no one thinks im being callous here im very worried about that. i just its a very important part of his character to think about#and its fun to explore as someone who is passively suicidal myself#jason todd analysis#anyway no one look at me i am in my corner just rotating him#WAIT to clarify i dont think jaybin fully realized Just becauceof the heros sacrifice thing. i made it sound like that i believe#anyway. if you read him as suicidal since jaybin times and go to ditf with that lens like i did. well. the post death victim blaming..
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not to be someone who hates fun, but i'm getting a little tired of every single lucanis-related thing hinging on his love of coffee. it's giving very much... alistair and cheese, leliana and nugs, etc etc etc.
#📢.txt#i know they can't reveal much but GOD#i feel similarly about how much of davrin's content hinges on assan and how manfred is all over anything involving emmrich#maybe it's time to talk about them less and just wait for us to explore their characters on our own in eleven days idk
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i realize how demented this sounds but hear me out okay.
when sam first sees the "angel" in houses of the holy, dean offers him a drink from his flask—sam refuses. at the end of the episode when sam's faith has been crushed by the disappointing reality, dean offers his flask again, and sam accepts it this time.
the difference between these two scenes lies in sam's faith: in the first sequence, sam is filled with a religious fervor and a hope for his own redemption. in the second, he's crippled and lost and hopeless. there's a few interpretations of this which i think all kind of overlap and influence each other.
first and foremost, the most literal, baseline interpretation of this is probably that sam is interpreting dean's gesture (somewhat accurately) as being dismissive of his experience in the first sequence, but as compassionate in the second. there is a marked difference in how dean offers the flask to sam each time, and dean too has undergone a change throughout the episode to influence his understanding of god and faith.
but these scenes can also have interesting symbolic meaning, too. this is alcohol that dean is offering. it's a substance from which abstinence is associated with moral purity—the prohibition movement was led by protestants seeking to eliminate corruption and violence from the world, and it was framed as a battle for morality. therefore, temperance is seen as good, pure, and righteous. when sam is consumed by his faith, he abstains. when he loses his faith, he imbibes.
and through that moral lens, there's another interesting interpretation that can be found. the flask belongs to dean, and he is seen drinking from it. when sam drinks from it, too, they're literally swapping spit. metaphorically, drinking from the same flask can be seen as a kiss, and this isn't the only time this metaphor is used, either. in sex and violence, nick drinks from dean's flask, then lets dean drink from it again—and this sharing of saliva is what puts dean under his siren's spell.
in sex and violence, sharing a flask is depicted as an explicitly sexual act, a stand-in for a kiss. nick is dean's sexual fantasy, the ideal little brother, and he snags dean through an indirect kiss.
so if sharing a flask is a sexual act, then it can apply here: abstaining from alcohol is morally righteous and good, and imbibing is morally tarnished. sam, in his ecstasy, wants to be good—he thinks he's been chosen for redemption, after all. he wants to live up to the potential that the "angel" sees in him. he refuses the drink, and only when he's lost his faith does he accept it.
but it's dean's flask. accepting the drink would also be a sexual thing—he would be kissing his brother. it would be an act of incest, something impure and unholy and sinful. he wants to be good, so he rejects not just the drink but dean himself, because to engage with him would be a sin. this rejection is embedded within a plot which drives sam and dean apart, their religious philosophies at war. they drift further apart with each clash of theologies, and they both reject each other's perspectives in their loyalty to their own.
it's only after he loses his faith that he stops trying to be good, that he accepts the drink, that he takes dean back into himself. he kisses his brother when he returns to him, and it's after this reuniting kiss that they're able to come together again and find compromise and concession, their respective ideologies shifting toward each other's until they've found equilibrium again. through the flask, they literally kiss and make up, and their codependency is secured through that kiss.
#liveblogging: supernatural#spn2.13#wincest#samdean#i realize this is insane to say. but supernatural canon made the flask homoerotic not me. so i'm justified actually#it's not my fault that season 2 is about sam and dean trying and failing to establish and enforce the rules of their codependency#and that this is explored through their physical interactions rather than words and that those interactions are conduits for vulnerability#it's ALSO not my fault that they basically got brothermarried in 1.22 devil's trap. that one is on them completely#the rules they have for their codependent relationship are so fucking weird but it makes perfect sense. they have to be the same person#any disagreement between them is a betrayal and a rejection and they have to mold themselves into each other to prove their devotion#wait. i need to stop talking in the tags or i'll be here all day#spn posting#.txt#spn2
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ok ive been wondering what IS welcome home. like whats the deal and i mean this genuinely . ive seen people talk about it a bunch before but i looked at the website and i dont really like... get it hfgdkjgh i think im missing something
it is a puzzle! it is also a horror story, so do keep that in mind- if you don't like spooky it may not be for you! the website has Secrets hidden in it, some of which are easier to find than others, and if you read the pages carefully you might feel like something is a little... off. I can't give you any spoilers, obviously, but I think I would be permitted to suggest having a careful look at the pages of the website. You might discover that it is a bit... buggy.
#ba dum tish#Welcome Home#explore! enjoy!#or wait for a youtube video of someone finding them all lmao#entirely valid!
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In Saecula Saeculorum
My contribution for @inklings-challenge 2024! Content warning for death and injury
Playlist link (I HIGHLY recommend listening along I spent like four collective hours on this thing I'm super proud. I am, however, adding which songs are best listened to at which points. They will be the bold italicized captions at the beginning of different sections. All the songs mentioned can be found on the playlist! (also, when you finish Afraid Of Time, just listen to the rest of the playlist straight through. It should line up well enough!))
~Time~
When Stephen Reid was nineteen, he almost got hit by a truck while trying to cross the street. A young woman a few years older than him yanked him back onto the sidewalk as the massive garbage truck barreled past, seemingly unaware that it had almost caused his demise.
Stephen steadied his breathing, heart pounding so hard he could feel it in his throat, then turned to thank the young woman who’d saved him. His mother had drilled good manners into him from a young age, and she’d have scolded him soundly for wandering into the street without looking first, let alone not thanking the person who’d saved him.
But she’d already started moving down the sidewalk, shoulders hunched in her green jacket, her hair (the tips of which were dyed an electric blue) brushing her shoulders as she moved. She was hunched over her cupped hands, whispering to something she was holding, and Stephen frowned. Strange way to hold your phone.
But there were more pressing things on Stephen’s mind. Namely, the fact that the world was tearing itself apart.
When he was little, things were so simple. It wasn’t just that he was a kid—Stephen remembered things had been happy, peaceful. He remembered summers spent digging holes in his backyard with his friends and raking leaves in the autumn. His mother and father had been happy, and life had been good.
As he got older, he saw the little ways things weren’t so good. The strain his father’s job put on him, the leaner times. But his family was still happy.
And then he turned eighteen. And things got really bad. Countries baying for each other’s blood, corrupt leaders turning their backs and doing nothing to help. Every day, the news showed more horrors. Every day, things got worse, and war was on the way. And Stephen knew he couldn’t just sit by and watch. His mother had taught him manners, common sense, and how to be fierce when it was needed. And his father had taught him that if you could help, you did help, and to care even when it was hard.
So that was what Stephen planned to do. In every way possible.
He’d started out with volunteering as he started college classes. There were even more people living on the streets now than ever, and helping make meals at shelters was a step toward helping them.
But then things took an abrupt turn for the worse. And suddenly, they were at war. And Stephen found himself dropping out of school to enlist.
He was twenty when he saw his first dead body—a woman on the side of the road. Face pale, limbs at unnatural angles, blood still staining the front of her shirt. It was an image that didn’t leave his mind for a long, long time.
Two months later he killed someone for the first time. He tried not to remember that. But it wasn’t the last time. Every time he took a life, he found himself mourning, for what the world had come to, for the life that he’d ended.
Stephen may have known the reasons for what he was doing. But that didn’t make it hurt any less, or stop him from wondering if there was a better way he could help.
At twenty-two, he was shot in the line of duty.
It wasn’t the first time he’d been injured. But it was the first time it had been serious enough to warrant being sent to a hospital for a prolonged stay. And as it turned out, it was serious enough that he was discharged from the army. The bullet had shattered bones in his leg, leaving him with a serious limp and pain that never fully went away.
It was strange. One minute he was fighting for his life, the next he was home. Like nothing had changed, like he was supposed to pick up where he left off. Stephen found himself adrift, unsure of his next step. He went back to school, but his old major didn’t seem to fit anymore. Nothing did.
He was twenty-two and a half when one of his classmates dragged him to their local church. Howard was stubborn and usually said exactly what was on his mind, without thought toward how he’d affect others. It was an odd combination of refreshing and very irritating.
And yet, in that sanctuary, Stephen had never seen Howard light up the way he did when the singing started. And listening to the words, he started to understand why.
He’d gone to church growing up, and it had been fine. But this was different. This was something beautiful rediscovered, and he cherished it. Soaked in every word spoken from the front. It was like water after years in the desert, healing after pain for so long. It brought peace he hadn’t known could exist.
Stephen was twenty-three when he changed his major. Not to a pastor, though Howard joked that he might as well, with all the Bible reading and questions. But to a counselor. Someone who could guide others through what he’d gone through, and worse. Someone who could help.
It was a refreshing of his original purpose, a rewriting of his story. It was the right thing to do, and that was all he’d ever wanted.
When he was twenty-seven, he started on an internship. And that was where he met Marian.
She was an astrophysicist, and while Stephen admittedly didn’t understand a lot of what she did, he liked to listen to her talk about it anyway. He liked her smile, too, and her warm brown eyes that lit up like gold in the sunlight. They both loved music, and swapped favorite songs every time they saw each other. She loaned him her favorite book, and Stephen read it eagerly, looking for what she loved in every line.
It took him a while to gather the courage to ask Marian out. Howard—now graduated, running his own construction company, and happily engaged—teased him relentlessly about it. “She likes you, you clearly like her,” the young man would tell him. “What’s the problem?”
“I’m waiting for the right moment,” Stephen would respond, and Howard scoffed in response.
In the end, he didn’t ask her at the right moment. He simply asked her, one day when she was stopping by at his work to talk about the book she’d just finished, eyes bright with happiness. Her smile outshone the sun when she said yes.
One year and six months later, she said yes again when he went down on one knee on a date to one of the few functioning observatories left in the country. He would have given her every star in the sky if he could have, but Marian settled for a diamond ring and a small wedding at her brother’s farm. Stephen hadn’t known someone could hold this much joy within them without bursting.
Two years later, Stephen was thirty years old. And that was when things started to get strange.
~~~
~Prepping For Rescue~
“Are you sure you want to do this?”
She avoided his gaze as she strapped on her protective gear. While the technology they were using had come a long way since the beginning of its use, there were still dangers. Being pulled through time and space could cause serious injury or damage, and the cuffs she was locking into place would generate a field that could protect her from that. Strange, how they almost felt like shackles, weighing her down, when they were the only thing bringing her hope right now.
“You know I am,” she said. “We already tested it. We can go back now, not just forward. And if I have that chance—”
“You’re gonna take it. I know,” he said. “But we still don’t know everything about this. We don’t know how it could affect the timeline. You could start wars, cause innumerable deaths. You could prevent yourself from even being born.”
“I know the risks.” She finished with the cuffs and grabbed her jacket, pulling it on to hide the cuffs from sight. “I don’t care.”
He looked like he wanted to comment on that very much, but just sighed. “Okay. Do you have your location drone?”
“Her name is Penni,” she informed him, and he sighed again.
“It’s a robot. It doesn’t have a name.”
She couldn’t hold back a smile at the old argument. “She does now. And I have her here.” Slipping a hand into her pocket, she pulled out a flat, circular object about the size of her palm. The domed top flickered between different colors, trying to camouflage itself with its surroundings, and it zipped into the air, hovering right above her shoulder. She brushed a hand along Penni’s surface, taking a deep breath.
“Good. Keep her with you, and I’ll be able to bring you back,” he reminded her. “Otherwise…things could get ugly. Because this is all supposed to be theoretical.”
“Then I guess I’m a pioneer,” she said, mouth suddenly dry. Squaring her shoulders, she said, “Let’s do this thing.”
~~~
Exactly twenty-seven days before his thirty-first birthday, Stephen was on his way home from work. He stopped at a grocery store to pick up a few things for dinner—Marian was working later than usual, and he wanted to surprise her with a delicious home cooked meal when she got home.
When he stepped out of the store, a car drove by at top speed and shot him three times in the chest. Two other pedestrians were hit, but he was the only casualty.
Except he wasn’t.
He heard the car screech around the corner, and looked up in time to see the dark barrel of a gun pointing out a window—and then a girl slammed bodily into him, sending him crashing to the ground.
Glass from the store windows shattered upon the bullet’s impact, tinkling against the pavement. There were screams, and Stephen pushed himself into a sitting position with a groan, looking around as the car roared away.
Two other pedestrians lay on the ground—one hit in the shoulder, the other only grazed in the arm. Stephen automatically moved to help them, calling for someone to call the cops, his head spinning.
Because there had been a moment where he’d known, he’d been sure, that he was going to die. Not just fear. Utter confidence. He’d all but felt the bullets pass through his body.
But instead, a girl had saved his life.
The girl. Stephen glanced around—but there was no sign of her. And all he could remember, as he later recounted to the cops, then Marian, was a blur of green jacket and blue hair.
Something about the description itched at the back of his brain, but he wasn’t sure what. All he knew is that he was somehow, impossibly alive. And he was grateful for it.
Two days later they found out Marian was pregnant.
~~~
“It worked,” she gasped, stumbling away from the framework of the machine.
Her friend looked up, eyes widening. “It—it did? Are you okay?”
She nodded, then stumbled again, and he caught her by the arm, hauling her upward. “Whoa. Sit down, have something to drink. We should check you out—”
“I’m fine,” she said, waving away his worry. “It worked, Tad. He—he’s not dead. Is he? I can’t—I can’t think—”
Steering her into a chair, Tad said, “Disorientation is a common side effect after traveling. Let me look at the database—drink some water.”
Taking the water bottle he shoved into her hands before moving to the computer, she gulped down some of the contents, her head spinning. “Do you remember how it was before?” she asked. “You said that you might not—”
“I think being close to the temporal field distortion preserved my memory,” Tad said, typing rapidly. “It’s fascinating, and if we don’t get arrested for this, I’ll write a paper–oh.”
Her stomach dropped as his face fell. “What?”
“You…almost succeeded.” Reading from the screen, he said, “Stephen Reid, died age thirty-two, in the ‘65 train bombings.”
“What?” Rocketing out of her chair, she moved to his side, swaying a little. Tad put a hand out to steady her as she bent over the screen. “How?”
“Looks like he was injured, but didn’t let on because he was busy helping others to safety,” Tad read. Glancing at her, he said, “I know that’s not what you wanted to hear, but—”
She was already moving toward the machine. “We have to go again.”
“What? I don’t think that’s a good idea. You already somehow created a temporal loop when you first went in. Who knows what—”
Spinning around, she said, “We can’t save him from being murdered just to let him die in a freak accident. It’s not—no. We’re fixing this.”
“And you don’t think this has anything to do with—”
Fixing him with a fierce glare, she said, “We’re going. Again.”
~~~
~The Typewriter Theme~
If that was the only incident, Stephen would have accepted it and moved on. He wasn’t dead, and that was something he was fiercely grateful for. His wife was pregnant, and instead of being dead he was there. For the moment when their little girl came into the world, and he held her close for the first time.
They named her Zara Grace Reid, and Stephen’s heart was full. For two long years, they had peace.
Then, when he was thirty-two, things started getting bad again. The governments were all fighting, and groups of dissenters were getting angry at, well, everyone, no matter who they claimed to hold responsible for everything going badly. Danger of terror threats grew more and more present.
The day after Zara’s birthday, Stephen was taking the train to a meeting across town. But when he got to the door, his ticket was missing. Racking his brains, Stephen vaguely remembered slipping it into his jacket pocket—and a girl bumping into him as they crossed paths in the station.
Strange. Who would steal a train ticket? He considered buying another one, but it was a nice day and he was in no hurry. He decided to walk.
Two blocks later the world exploded. Four trains, all across the city, blew up at once, killing hundreds in a deadly attack.
Stephen not only saw it when it happened, he felt it. In his chest, like he was on the train when it happened. But no sooner had the feeling come then it was gone and he was running toward the rubble, hoping desperately that he could pull someone, anyone out.
He missed his meeting and saved twelve lives that day. All the while wondering at the phantom pain in his side, but there was too much to do for him to care.
Hours later, he made it home after Marian, cleaned up, and only by the time he fell into bed did he wonder—did the girl who took my ticket know?
~~~
“SIX MONTHS?”
Pacing back and forth, she glared into space. “I only bought him six months? What does he do that makes these people want him dead so badly?”
“It’s pretty fishy,” he agreed, typing rapidly. “Okay, the records are a little messy, but I think I know the exact date. Are you feeling okay?”
“I’m fine. Let’s go again.”
~~~
The thought didn’t really leave Stephen, as he racked his brain to remember what the girl looked like. He remembered dark hair with a splash of blue, and the girl had been holding something small. And those thoughts tugged at other memories—of a day almost twenty years ago, when someone had pulled him out of the way of a truck. Of the shooting before Zara was born.
He wasn’t able to really consider the idea, let alone voice it. Not until six months later, when there was a fire in his work building, and someone locked the door of his office, leaving him trapped inside while the flames grew and the smoke filled his lungs.
He’d been in tight spots before. He’d been trained, in the Army, not to panic, even when it was logical to do so. But as his oxygen seeped away and the door refused to budge, even as he bashed at it with a chair, Stephen found himself absolutely terrified.
No. No, this can’t be it. Images of Marian and Zara flickered through his head and he knew he had to fight, had to live at all costs. But if there was nothing he could do—
The door swung open, and someone pulled him forward.
~~~
~The Hornburg~
“I wonder what makes them choose the intervals they do,” Tad mused as he typed. “Is there someone else preventing them? Do we just do this for the rest of our lives? Are they experts or are they just trying everything and every year they can to kill him? Furthermore, what’s going to stop them from just going back to the same year and trying again—”
He stopped short when he saw her face. “Which…they definitely can’t do. Most likely. I think they can’t, anyway. It’s just that the science is so—I’m sorry. They haven’t done it yet, they probably won’t ever.”
“I hope not,” she said, checking her cuffs and scooping up Penni, who chirped a little greeting. “The last thing we need is more things to worry about.”
“Or to send you through more times.” His worry showed through the edges of his speech. “You don’t have to—”
“Let’s go again.”
“Okay.”
~~~
Stephen made it out of the fire and he could have cried with gratitude. The firefighters who arrived on scene seemed very startled to see him stumble out of the building, coughing—they said that the last man to come out had sworn up and down that there was no one else inside.
And they swore with equal fervor that they hadn’t sent anyone else in. They claimed that he must have made it out under his own steam somehow—adrenaline, maybe?
Stephen knew better.
“There are two options,” he told Marian when he explained everything to her later that day. Her brow was furrowed like it always was when she tried to solve a problem. “Either I have a literal guardian angel, or somehow the exact same person is traveling through time and space to save me.”
“I’m not sure which is more improbable,” Marian said slowly. They were sitting at the table, and her fingers twitched against the surface like she wished she had something to write on. “Bending time and space isn’t…unheard of, per se, but we’re years away from being able to achieve it under our own steam. And if we assume they’re from the future, they’d be moving into the past, which is, theoretically, even harder.”
“But then there’s the guardian angel idea,” Stephen said, grinning at her expression. “Which you think is scientifically impossible?”
She let out a long sigh. “I’ve learned not to count anything out when it comes to our faith. So…I don’t know.”
Reaching across the table, Stephen caught her hand and gave it a squeeze. “We’ll just have to pray that whatever this is keeps ending up at the right place at the right time.”
Their prayers were answered when, two years later, someone tried to shoot Stephen again. And again, he was pulled out of the way just in time.
~~~
“So,” Tad said, staring at the screen.
“Yup,” she said.
“A sibling, huh?”
She rolled her eyes. “Let’s do it again.”
~~~
It started happening more frequently. A near knifing in an alleyway, a car barreling toward him as he crossed the street. Every time, it was thwarted. Sometimes, he didn’t even see it coming—the coffee knocked out of his hands that hissed alarmingly on contact with the concrete, leaving it pitted and worn, for instance.
But every time, the attackers failed. And eventually, Stephen started to wonder if they should stop prevention and start focusing on the attackers. The only problem? He had no idea how to do that.
So he decided to reach out to the person who did.
~~~
“How. Did he do that?” Tad asked, staring at the screen.
“He must have realized what we’re doing, somehow,” she whispered. “I mean, he’s married to an astrophysicist, he has to have picked something up.”
Shaking his head, Tad said, “Okay, then how do we respond?”
She stared at the screen for a moment longer, thinking as she reread the lines on the screen. More specifically, the email Tad had found during his usual archive wide search for anything pertaining to Stephen Reid.
He’d sent it to himself, apparently hoping that it would be good enough. And it had been.
To whoever is helping me:
Thank you. I don’t know who you are or if you’ll receive this, but I have faith it’ll end up in the right hands.
Clearly someone wants me dead, for whatever reason. Instead of preventing it, why don’t we get rid of the attackers? Let me know how and when to help.
Stephen.
“What do we do?” Tad asked quietly
She studied it for a moment longer, then said, “We answer. I can slip him a message on my next trip. Have you located who it is and why yet?”
“I think so.” Opening a new screen, Tad tapped on the article he pulled up. “There’s a stabbing, two years from the next attempt, in an alley nearby his route to work. Exactly the kind of thing he’d get involved in and try to stop, right?”
Nodding slowly, she said, “Right. But why this person?”
“No idea. They’re dead in every timeline so far. They must do something that the attackers aren’t a fan of.”
Taking a deep breath, she said, “Then let’s hope we’re not actually on their side.”
~~~
~FREEPORT~
For a while, Stephen didn’t think his message had worked. Things were peaceful—no attacks, no poisonings. Marian found out she was pregnant again, and nine months somehow managed to fly and drag by until she gave birth to a healthy baby boy, who they named Isaiah.
And then three months after that, it happened again.
At exactly the right moment, he was pushed forward, just in time to avoid a bunch of tiles crashing to the ground from the roof. When he caught his balance and his breath, there was no one there. But when Stephen put his hands in his jacket pocket as he started onward again, he found a slip of paper.
10/11/71. Four in the afternoon on your way home from work. Watch the alleyway off Racine. Be ready.
This was it. This was the answer. A little under a year in future, he’d be able to fix this, for good. Whatever this was.
So he kept the paper tucked in his pocket until it grew worn, the folds flimsy. He kept going with life—worked and went to church and looked after his wife and children. He avoided two more attacks in that time, and every time, his mysterious helper was there just in time, only to disappear before he could get a good look at her.
Finally, the day came. Stephen usually carried a knife, out of habit, and this time he made sure he had it, just in case. The day passed in a haze of business as he worked with patients and did paperwork and wondered what exactly was going to happen.
And then work was over. It was 3:45, and he was walking home from work, hands tucked in his pockets, trying to pretend like his heart wasn’t thundering in his chest.
3:47. He passed the cart that sold churros. Oftentimes he stopped to buy one and chat with the owner, but for now Stephen just gave her a little wave and kept moving, pace brisk.
3:50. A couple of kids zipped by on bikes, laughing.
3:51. He heard footsteps behind him, and his heart lurched. Be ready, Stephen.
3:55. The sidewalk came to an end at an intersection, and he turned onto the sidewalk along Racine.
3:58. He wove through a group of teenagers and sped up a little. He could see the opening for the alleyway.
3:59. Heart pounding in his throat, Stephen came to a stop outside the alleyway.
4:00.
For a heartbeat, there was nothing. And then he heard a muffled scream from the alleyway.
Instinctively, Stephen started forward, concern rippling through him. It had been the voice of a girl—young, too young. Most likely not his helper, but that didn’t lower his concern.
He made it two steps forward before he was grabbed from behind. Stephen vaguely registered the cold press of steel against his throat for a heartbeat before he moved, driving an elbow backward into his attacker’s gut.
There was a grunt—a man’s voice, judging by the baritone—but the grip didn’t loosen. Until Stephen snapped his head backward , connecting solidly with the other man’s nose.
There was a crunch and a howl of pain, and Stephen felt the knife at his throat break skin—
And then the grip was gone, and he was stumbling forward, hand pressed against the shallow cut on his neck. Spinning around, Stephen registered a man in all black taking a swing at a young woman—green jacket, hair dyed blue at the tips, holding a weapon he didn’t recognize. What looked like a tiny flying saucer hovered next to her shoulder.
“Help her!” she shouted, dodging her opponent’s blow with ease.
For a moment, Stephen didn’t know what she meant. And then he remembered the scream from the alleyway, and turned. Pulling his knife from his pocket, he moved.
There were two men, both trying to subdue a struggling, terrified girl. One had a hand over her mouth, and the other held a wickedly curved knife. Stephen took a moment to wonder why these people insisted on using knives, and then he was on top of them.
Clearly, either of the men were expecting him. The one holding the blade went flying into the wall with a cry of pain, clutching his shoulder where Stephen’s knife had gone deep, tearing through muscle.
The second tried to reel backward, avoiding Stephen as he clutched for his own weapon while clinging to his victim. But Stephen smashed his fist into the man’s face, catching hold of the girl’s arm and pulling her away at the same time, using the man’s momentum as he fell to tear her free.
He took a minute to glance at her—no sign of injuries, just bright red hair and freckles and shocked tears starting to escape—and then turned to face his opponents again.
Only to find them gone, a trace of blood on the ground the only sign that they’d been there in the first place.
What? Baffled, Stephen turned in a full circle, then glanced at the girl. “Are you okay?” he asked, and she nodded shakily. “Okay. Wait here a minute. Call if you need me.”
Moving quickly, he headed back to the mouth of the alleyway, to see if there was any sign of his mysterious helper, or her opponent. But there was nothing. Just the now oddly dusty sidewalk, passersby who seemed to have no idea what had happened, and—
A scrap of white paper. Stephen bent and picked it up, unfolding it, and read the now familiar lopsided script inside.
She’s safe. You both are, unless you see me again. Look after her. Don’t worry about the other attackers.
There was no signature, although Stephen hadn’t expected one. A wave of relief swept over him, and he breathed out a prayer of thanks.
He was safe. They were both safe. It was done.
~~~
~Afraid Of Time~
“It’s not done,” she said.
“What?” Tad stared at her, baffled. “How can it not be done? We saved the victims, including a victim we didn’t even know we had until now, helped catch time traveling murderers, and hopefully we’re not even getting arrested for using government property without permission. Your mom might not even yell at us. How is this not a win—”
He stopped short, looking at her. As she looked at the computer file in front of her, wishing the words were different.
Stephen Reid. Died 10/12/83
“Zee.” Tad’s voice was soft. “You can’t stop everything.”
“That’s kind of the point of this whole time travel thing, Tad. I can.” Taking a deep breath, she said, “I’m stopping this. I’m going in again.”
~~~
Stephen had always loved autumns. The crisp, cool air, the knowledge of the approaching season that heralded celebrations and wonder and joy and family time. How could he do anything but love it?
Sure, he’d almost died at this time of year a few times, but with his life, when was that not true?
It had been 12 years since the last incident. He’d helped the girl—Jenny, a teenager who’d been alone and afraid and had no idea why those men had attacked her—to the hospital to get checked out. They repeated the same impossible story to the police over and over until they finally got tired of asking and declared the case closed. Stephen was fine with it. He’d been told they were safe, and he believed that.
Years had passed. Jenny became all but a member of the family, and he and Marian encouraged her and supported as she chose a career path and moved forward with her life. Stephen still wasn’t sure what the men wanted with her, but it didn’t matter. Her purpose was her own to discover.
His other two children were far too close to grown up for his taste, as well. Isaiah was thirteen, flirting with girls, and discovering a love for basketball paralleled only by his love for mischief. And Zara was in college, pursuing a degree in physics.
He held great hope and joy for both of them, that they would grow up to change the world in whatever small or big ways the Lord had planned for them. If Stephen was being honest, he held a very specific theory for one of them, as time passed and the similarity grew stronger and stronger.
And that was why, on his walk home from work, he wasn’t overly surprised to see a familiar figure at his bus stop.
She was sitting on the bench, knees pulled up against her chest. Her hair, dark like her mother’s where it wasn’t blue, covered her face in a curtain, and the tiny flying saucer hovered at her shoulder again. As Stephen drew closer, he heard it letting out soft little chirps, like it was trying to comfort her.
Sitting next to her with a grunt, Stephen set down his bag and leaned back. Glancing at her, he said, “Nice day, isn’t it?”
Her chin jerked up a little, like she was surprised to hear his voice, then lowered again. Stephen watched her for a moment, debating whether or not he should speak again, when she did, voice low and cautious.
“If you could know the day that you died, would you want to?”
Stephen considered for a moment, tapping a finger against his knee. “I don’t know,” he admitted. “My instinct would be no—why live in dread of something like that? But I can’t say I would be curious.”
“Who wouldn’t be?” the girl agreed, voice still quiet. “What if…what if you could stop it? If someone just told you the right things?”
A heavy feeling began to settle over Stepehn’s chest. “Can you?” he asked, abandoning all pretense.
She let out a choked sob, and Stephen felt a stab of sadness. “I tried,” she choked out. “I tried again and again, but no matter what I do—”
“It’s okay,” Stephen told her, gently reaching out to touch her shoulder. “It’s not your fault.”
Letting her feet drop down, the girl scrubbed a hand across her face angrily. “You don’t understand.”
“I think I might,” Stephen said, his voice very soft.
She shook her head. “No, you don’t. For you, it’s been another twenty years, but for me…I thought I’d get to go home and—” she stopped short, staring across the street, eyes red.
“And I’d be there?”
She swiveled to face him, eyes going wide. “What���how did you—”
“You’re my daughter, Zara. How could I not recognize you?”
Her face crumpled, and Stephen slid across the bench to pull her into a hug as she burst into tears. She pressed her face against his shoulder and he ran his hand over her hair, the way he used to when she was a little girl.
Closing his eyes against tears of his, he whispered, “It’s okay.”
“It’s not,” she mumbled, voice muffled by his shirt. “I was supposed to get you back.”
“You did,” Stephen pointed out. “Just not for as long as you wanted. But you were the one who saved me, so many times. You’re the reason I got to watch you and Isaiah grow up, and I will never stop being grateful for that. You’re the reason Jenny’s alive.”
“It’s not enough,” she whispered. “This shouldn’t be the last time I see you.”
Stephen almost laughed, tears springing to his eyes. “It won’t be. If there’s one thing I hope your mother and I taught you, it’s that.”
Pressing a kiss against the top of her head, he pulled back a little, taking a look at her. Zara had his wife’s beauty and dark wavy hair, and he wondered when she would dye the tips blue. Her eyes were the same warm brown as Marian’s—oh, Marian—and right now, they were wet with tears.
“I don’t want to let you go,” she said, voice shaking.
“I know,” Stephen said, heart aching. All he wanted was to tell his daughter that it was going to be okay, that he was going to be able to come home. But it was becoming increasingly clear that he couldn’t make that promise.
Instead, he asked, “Tell me about what you do next. Tell me everything.”
So they sat on the bench, and Zara told him about her work and her best friend Tad—whom Stephen had already met, but the two hadn’t grown close yet—and how Isaiah was coaching at a local high school and Marian was still working, still looking out for Jenny, still going to church every day. “She still loves you so much,” Zara told him. “Even when I never knew you, she’d tell me about you and how important you were to her. I—I thought I could bring you home to her.”
“You did,” Stephen pointed out, remembering all the days he’d almost died, and all the days his daughter had saved his life. His daughter.
Eventually, the bus came around the corner, and the little flying saucer at Zara’s shoulder let out a chirp. Zara’s eyes widened, and she glanced up. “I—”
“You have to go,” Stephen guessed.
“I don’t want to,” she whispered.
“I know. But if this is it, I don’t want you to have to watch it.”
Shaking her head, Zara said, “You shouldn’t have to be alone.”
“I’m not alone,” Stephen told her, and he meant it. Though his heart was heavy with grief, it wasn’t for him. And he knew—he was sure of it—that his family would be alright. They were strong enough to look after each other without him.
Getting to his feet, he waited until Zara did the same, then pulled her into a fierce hug. “I love you,” he told her. “And I’m proud of you. You and Isaiah, you’re the best thing I’ve ever done.”
She was openly crying now, but nodded, holding him tightly for another minute. “I love you, too,” she said.
And then stepped back and the bus was there. Stephen took one last look at her, taking in every detail. At last, he turned and boarded the bus, taking a seat in the back.
It lurched into motion, and Stephen glanced out the window at the now empty bus stop. I’ll see you again, he thought. And he knew, in his heart, it was true.
Pulling out his phone, he opened up his text messages and began one to Marian.
I love you, Mari. I love the life we’ve lived together for the past twenty years. Thank you for being the best wife and friend I could have ever asked for.
Looking up, Stephen took one last look around him, and wondered what would come next. He knew more than most sitting on the bus did, and yet found himself frightened. And yet, at the same time, excited.
Whatever else happened, he was ready, with no regrets.
He sent the text.
~~~
Zara was still crying when she stumbled back into her own time, bones aching fiercely. Most trips, she’d taken a break in between, but for the past five or so, she’d gone in without stopping, time after time. Trying desperately to stop what she knew was going to happen.
It hadn’t worked.
But somehow, despite the tears and the ache in her heart, it was okay.
“Zara?”
Tad had moved to stand in front of her, face twisted with concern. “Are you okay? Or—are you hurt?”
Shaking her head, Zara took a shaking breath. “I’m okay,” she said, and he gave her an unconvinced look. “Fine, I’m not hurt. And I…” she trailed off.
“It didn’t work,” Tad said quietly. “Zee, I know you want to do this, but so many trips in a row are hurting you. And if this is so hard to stop—”
“I know,” Zara said, taking a deep breath. “It’s okay. I’m…I’m not going in again.”
Tad’s eyes widened. “Really? I—I didn’t expect that to work.”
“It didn’t,” Zara said, and couldn’t hold back a laugh at his expression. “I…I talked to my dad. It’s okay.”
“You’re sure?” Tad said slowly. “Because five minutes ago you were very ready to keep doing this or die trying.”
Nodding, Zara swiped a hand over her face, ridding herself of the last traces of tears. “I am. I got to say goodbye, and…he’s right. I’m gonna see him again. Someday.”
Resting a gentle, if slightly awkward, hand on her shoulder, Tad nodded. “I’m glad. He’d be proud of you, Zee.”
“Thanks, Tad.” Zara took a deep breath. It was time to stop living in the past, and start looking at the new, and slightly changed present she had waiting for her.
And when the time came to see her father again, she would greet him with joy and the knowledge that she’d lived her life to the fullest, like he had. Until then, all she could do was take the first step toward doing that.
#inklingschallenge#team tolkien#inklings challenge#genre: time travel#theme: counsel#theme: comfort#story: complete#this actually turned out so much better than i thought it would#there were. some moments#but i like the vibes#also now i'm obsessed with two of these ocs and need to feature them in more content#fun fact this could and probably does exist in the same universe as my kyvis stories#which is a HILARIOUS concept that i shall have to explore more#anyway i digress#i'd apologize for how overboard i went with the playlist BUT#a) you can just ignore it if you want to#and b) it's a masterpiece and i love it so much#it's for the VIBES GUYS#and i haven't spent this long waiting to find a character that fits how do i say goodbye only to not share when i do find one#MOVING ON#writing stories is a kind of magic too
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Any smutty Davrin thoughts pre-release?
Does he take it slow and loving in bed with Rook?
Maybe hard enough to nearly break the bed
In front of a mirror maybe because he wants to watch Rook from as many angles as possible
Or against a window because the thought of getting caught turns him on like a wild beast
#davrin#da4#datv#dav#dragon age the veilguard#so so many thoughts#cant wait to explore them all once I've played the game a little#i wont wait till im done with the game before writing#lemon#smut
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