#and is so dumb because is not even entirely about the hearing loss is mostly just about a fucking identity crisis

[sskk-manifesto]

(*・ω・*)b♪

[hard-of-death]

I want hearing aids so bad like

Ugh, I know there is plenty of HoH that don't use/never had hearing aids and that doesn't negate their hearing loss or their identity as HoH but I just feel like, not having hearing aids DOES negate it when it comes to me

That without them, I will always be in this limbo of hearing/hard of hearing, not being one nor the other

But at the same time, I don't know if they will even help me? Because I can hear. I can get by just fine, just having to ask a few times sometime to understand something. I wear personal sound amplifiers at university and they, sort of help? But I'm not so sure. They make everything -including the stuff I hear, and the stuff I don't want to hear- louder, which takes a little bit of anxiety out of me, and I don't have to concentrate so much on the hearing and can concentrate more on the understanding. But the sound quality is so so low and not very much clear.  And they make things worse for one-on-one conversations because the microphones are behind and so they pick up the background and not the voice of the person on front of me. But they are the cheapest that there are out there, and are very bad quality and I guess hearing aids are better? But people with hearing aids says they have the same difficulties and problems so I don't know...

And wearing hearing amplifiers it feels like, I don't know, cheating? Lying? It feels like I'm pretending. Anyone can buy and wear them and claim a hearing loss and be HoH. It just, amplifies the identity crisis and make me want to ve actual hearing aids so so bad even if the help it might give me be very little and maybe worthless money-wise

And I just, god I just WANT them. I want to give it a try. To hear and understand what is being say. Not to be hearing -but to have a less anxious life

And I won't lie, I want them so I can finally have some security on my identity

[furiousgoldfish]

(tw mention of suicidal thoughts)

Alright so I am writing this because I can't find anyone to talk to, and my brain is letting me know that I need to talk about it somewhere.

I am falling depressed, and I'm unsure if it's genuine depression, or some sort of deep grief that is just feeling very similar. And I've already looked up what you're supposed to do if you're trying to break out of depression; I am sleeping full 8 hours on a regular sleep schedule, I shower regularly, I do my best to eat regular meals (sometimes it doesn't happen due to lack of energy), if I have any energy left in me, I take a little walk, I pay attention to my surroundings. I do my best to answer messages and to socialize, even superficially, with the people I see.

However, despite me doing all that, the deep feeling of sadness is persevering, in fact it gets worse after my walks, I end up going home in worse feeling of dread than before.

I was going to keep trying to break out of it, and then today something bad and triggering happened, and my mind just went very dark. Like what is even the point anymore? I started considering if anyone around me would be impacted by my suicide. And then just tried to dissociate from the bad thing that happened, tried to create reality in which it didn't. Like I could ignore it out of existence. Like maybe if I just curl up over there and never look at anything ever again, maybe then bad things would go away.

I tried to comfort myself thinking I could, at least, tell people around me and see if anyone would say anything kind or helpful, but people around me did not care at all, would go on about their troubles instead and looked at me like I was weirdo for complaining. Which again, made me feel like talking to people was the worst idea ever and like I was dumb for even engaging, I should have known I'm alone in this.

So now I'm back to sinking down in my grief, occasionally getting numb from it and sinking again. I had periods, years of grief in the past, and it just feels like you're slowly dying, right, and it doesn't stop and it feels suffocating and like you'd do anything for it to stop. But also in the past, I knew what I was grieving; it was the loss of my delusion of family, loss of hope that I will have family members who are in any way safe for me, loss of security and safety that comes with family, acknowledgment that I was abandoned and left with predators for the most of my life. I thought I was done grieving about all that, because for a while I just didn't think about it, and it didn't bother me. I don't think that's what I'm grieving now.

It's actually hard to pinpoint it, because my memories are mostly gone, but I think it's the loss of friendships in my life. I've tried hard to build connections with other people, even as scared and reluctant I was feeling about it, but it always fell trough, and left me feeling with less hope. The ends of friendships were so traumatic for me, that my memories of the entire friendships got deleted. And I can tell right now that hearing anything about people having friends, spending time together and helping each other, that usually sets my grief off, and causes me to start crying regardless of where I am. I tried to recall my past memories of friendships, but all I get back are things I never want to feel or live trough again. Every memory feels like enough reason never to interact with a person again, all of them cut so deep I have to dissociate from them right away.

And basically I don't know what to do. I am losing every bit of my willpower or energy to do anything. Even with my best efforts to stay upright, to interact with my environment and go to walks, I'm only out of bed while I'm working. And I'm randomly bursting into tears and collapsing while I'm doing my job. I am messing up basic tasks. There isn't any activity that isn't exhausting. And everything I cared about feels like nothing to me. I can't even imagine a future, which is usually what I did to pull myself out of bad moods, I would imagine a future where I had a home of my own, and security that I would be able to survive there without having to fight for my life. Now it feels like even if I had that, I would just still want to die.

I've been slowly falling into this place for months, but it is more real today than at any time before. I've put so much effort not to end up feeling like this but... it only makes me more sad to know I'm in this mess anyway. I don't know what to do. I've tried interacting with people, I've tried befriending people, every new interaction feels like it's going to drown me further.

[osakanone]

UPDATE: The Destiel/Supernats aren't taking this well -- explaining my reasoning for the history I gave, and why Destiel is not the big bitch of shipping that it thinks it is

An update to THIS:

"This is just a marketing thing, Gundam is a giant robot show, only men watch it!"

Gundam's fandom is silent majoratively feminine:

"But its not gay, its about giant robots!"

Gundam is very gay. The entire climax of the first story is a riff of Yukio Mishima lmao

The climax of the Amuro/Char arc of Universal Century Gundam (expounding from first Gundam circa 1979), Char's Counterattack is somewhat on the history of Japanese disillusion with liberalism which notably climaxed with the life and history of Yukio Mishima.

You know. THAT Yukio Mishima.

The one who wrote FORBIDDEN COLOURS.

It was so gay that the fanfiction inspired by it became its own damn anime:

And that's just Charmuro, let alone Charma or a billion other ships just in OG Gundam alone.

We've got This is before we get to Guin Sard Lineford and Yamagi Glimerton (both verrrrry gay), Tieria Erde (a genderqueer trans-coded character who transcends gender entirely in their arc) and a bunch of others.

Gundam was always gay.

"I don't see the numbers"

"That doesn't seem like much, Supernat is at least 2x this"

Sooooo the amount of content you do see isn't representative of how much even got written, given FFN had a huge content purge.

First, let's start with the relative proportion of users: If we're analysing the concept of fandom, we first have to look at who had access to the internet in the first place to publish works.

Yeah that's a pretty sizable difference.

Wing's fandom actually exploded in 2000, but got capped VERY early, distributing itself to fansites when FFN fragmented and collapsed.

Why?

Content purges!

"Isn't there some sort of online archive of this stuff?"

Sure, if you wanna dig through tons and tons of Angelfire and Geocities pages which have mostly disappeared. Otherwise, no! There is no archive of this stuff?

"Why?"

They've since rolled back on this but it means there's a massive amount of lost media out there, including the discussions on it and thus there's an entire history you didn't get to experience.

Its actually very difficult to reach people who've been involved, since it was so long ago that very few people remember, and a sizable proportion of that population have actually died.

"But what about SF fandoms? We have ancient records of stuff like Spirk!"

See unlike physical media like zines, when a server goes offline or there's a data-loss, or something like that there is no surviving copy of the thing in question.

The net result is we have this weird hole where content just vanished, and its now considered lost media. The work of many artists, designers, writers, even videos of events are just lost media because we didn't have the archival mentality adults develop.

You're not gonna hear about all the X-Files stuff or Frasier fanfictions or GW stuff because of these purges and the lack of physical media. FFN users were teens, not adults with resources like US/EU/JP SF fans, who had archival tendencies due to their long history.

So there is this supermassive black-hole in the history of fanfiction running between 1998, and 2008 and some of the only evidence of it are worksafe works and fansites which the owners have long since forgotten about because folks moved on. Moving on is a normal part of fandom.

So to those of you just saying "supernatural is losing to a pair of dumb anime girls" or "urgh this is just a trend tumblr will get over it and go back to supernatural"...

Uhhhhh no they won't, actually?

Supernat's fans mostly seem to be waspy Americans. Gundam is kind of a global phenomenon, one which has traditionally had a silent majority female audience, a vocal minority male audience -- and every time that majority has spoken up, its coincided with a content purge, or a TOS change that mysteriously biases American derived fiction over Japanese derived fiction.

Funny that.

tl;dr:

NATURE IS HEALING

[imaginecolby]

broken record || c.b.

summary: you and colby were once best friends, but when he moves to LA, you lose the most important person in your life. when you meet again a number of years later, you confess your feelings and he attempts to fix your relationship.

prompt credits to @brocksblueroses !! *y/f/n: your full name *(m/n): manager’s name

y/f/n and colby brock, truly the best of friends. you and him were closer than two people could ever be. you went everywhere together, hung out together all the time. people truly thought you were going to spend the rest of your lives together, whether it was just a platonic relationship, or romantically.

unfortunately, that all changed after your high school graduation. you made all these plans to spend the summer together, but all of a sudden, he was packing up his car and leaving you behind. he was on his way to living a life in los angeles, in an attempt to make a name for himself in the social media world. you watched behind instagram and twitter, seeing him become one half of a very successful youtube duo. you were so proud of him for all of his success, but you wished so badly that you could be celebrating with him.

you tried every day to reach out to him, just to talk and catch up. maybe even plan something to meet up with him. he started out giving you short responses, then nothing at all, and eventually he ended up unfollowing you.

“it just sucks so bad because we were so close at one point. then, all of a sudden, it’s as if we never even met or knew each other.” you sighed, venting to a friend about what was going on between the two of you. 

“hey, that’s his loss. if he wants to get all in his head with an ego, then that’s on him. you’re an amazing friend to everyone, and if he can’t see that, then he’s dumb.” they said to you. you forced a laugh, trying to keep your tears from falling. 

as the years continued to pass, you began working on making a name for yourself as well. you’d been a singer for some time, and finally took the plunge to become more serious about it. you’d been taking singing lessons to perfect your voice, and meeting and making contacts. you lived in LA for a while, but it soon got very expensive. fortunately, you had a friend who lived in las vegas and had an extra room that they offered to you. you were able to work on a large part of your music from home, and it was only a short trip to los angeles when you needed to be there. 

your first couple of years living in vegas were so good, and you were starting to gain a following. your music was doing really well, and they were all songs that you were beyond proud of. after the first few singles, which then turned to an EP, your manager was able to secure you some spots performing at small venues and theaters around you. it was a very small “tour,” performing at small venues mostly on the west coast. performing gave you the thrill of a lifetime and you couldn’t believe that your life had taken this turn. 

tonight was your final show, which was taking place in las vegas, and you were performing at a small theater on the strip. you'd sold a good number of tickets and had seen fans tweeting you about how excited they were for the night. before the show, you had a small meet and greet event, meeting and taking pictures with your fans. it was so heartwarming to meet the people who supported your craft and made it possible for you to perform like this. you always took the time to make sure that they knew how grateful you were for them. 

once the show started, you were feeling a bit uneasy. despite it still being a small crowd, it was the biggest one you’d ever performed for. as you sang, hearing everyone sing the words back to you, you were on the verge of tears the entire night. it was so special, and you were over the moon. 

as your eyes scanned the crowd, they fell upon a face you immediately recognized. colby brock was in the audience, watching your show and vibing to your music. if you hadn’t been in the middle of a song, you would have run off the stage to throw up. but you powered through. 

throughout the rest of your set, you made a conscious effort to not linger on colby for too long. you couldn’t believe the butterflies you had by just seeing him. but you didn’t want to make it too obvious that you were staring at him. 

after the show, as everyone was leaving, colby was feeling those same butterflies. 

“man, she was amazing! i can’t believe i hadn’t heard of her until tonight.” colby said, reeling from the high.

“she was really good! im glad (m/n) convinced us to come. it’ll be good to us to get to know the local talent.” sam said. 

“sam, i need to talk to her. i dont know why, but something is drawing me to her.”

“well, she’s probably packing up to leave, so you better hurry. good luck. i’ll be waiting outside.” sam said, patting him on the shoulder. colby, working his charm, somehow convinced the security guards to let him backstage. as you and your crew were packing up, you turned in his direction, eyes meeting once again. 

“uh, hi. can we help you?” one of your band mates said to him, colby’s eyes stayed locked on yours. 

“i was wondering if i could talk to you.” he said shyly, eyes glued to you.

“yeah, sure.” you said, walking over to him. you eased your band mate who went back to their equipment to finish packing up. “c’mon.” you said to colby, leading him back to the green room. you sat down on the couch and he followed suit, sitting awfully close to you. 

“i just gotta say that was such an incredible show you put on tonight. you are so talented.” he said with a smile. 

“thank you. that means a lot.” you smiled back.

 “i’m colby, by the way.” he said, extending his hand to shake. 

“y/n.” you said, taking his hand and shaking it. why was he being so formal? is this some kind of bit? 

“so, have you always been a singer? you’ve got an incredible voice.” he said to you. 

“uh, not professionally, no. i've sung here and there, at home, in school choir. but just within the last few years or so have i taken it seriously.” you said to him. this was starting to weird you out. did he really not recognize you? 

just then, your tour manager came into the room, letting you know that you were needing to leave soon. 

“ah, shit. sorry. i dont usually hang around this long after the shows. but i gotta get going.” you said, leading him back through the main room and outside. 

“no worries! thank you for taking the time to chat. i was really amazed by your performance and just had to meet you and tell you that in person.” he said.

“hey, y/n! we’re headed to the bar next door! come on!” one of your band mates called. 

“you all go ahead, ill catch up!” you said, waving them off. you watched as they walked off and you turned your attention back to colby. “im sorry, did you just say you had to “meet” me?” you asked him. holy shit, he really didn’t recognize you. 

“yeah. that’s usually what you call two people sharing an interaction for the first time.” he said. you knew he could tell that you were upset. but he didn’t know why he felt so bad about it. 

“what the fuck, colby. do you really not recognize me?” you asked him. 

“no?”

“y/f/n. from high school?” you took your phone from your pocket and pulled up a photo of the two of you from senior year. it was the homecoming game, he was in his band uniform, and you were at the game with the school choir as you’d performed the school songs beforehand. you both had the widest smiles on your faces and looked happy as ever. 

“oh my god.” he said softly. 

“did your ego get too big for your head that it made you forget everyone you ever knew? we were best fucking friends and you literally introduced yourself to me tonight as if we had no history.” you said, fighting tears. 

“i dont know what to say.” 

“well, im trying to have a good night to celebrate the end of a successful tour. so i'll be next door celebrating with people who actually enjoy being friends with me. you know where to find me when you think if something.” you said before walking off.  

“dude, what the hell?” sam asked, stepping to colby’s side. 

“i fucked up. bad.” colby said, staring at the ground. 

“obviously. she went to school with us?” sam asked, and colby just nodded. 

“i don’t know if you ever met. but she was right. we were best friends. we met freshman year and grew really really close. so much so that people thought we would end up together.” 

“how did i not know any of this?” sam asked. 

“i started distancing myself from her once you and i got more serious about moving to LA and starting youtube. i thought that if i kept her in my life i would never want to leave and be with her forever. i was really falling for her.” colby said. 

“clearly you have some unresolved feelings, since you were begging to talk to her tonight. granted your decision was a dumb one, i don't think you had intentions of hurting her.” 

“i didn't.” colby interrupted. 

“then you need to tell her that.” sam said, colby nodding in agreement. the two of them finally left from the venue and made their way to the neighboring bar. colby quickly spotted you at a table and made his way over to you.

“oh look everyone! its my ex best friend who i was so important to! so much so that he ghosted me and forgot who i was completely!” you said, downing the rest of your drink. 

“y/n, please. let me explain.” colby said to you. 

“explain what? how little i actually meant to you?” you asked. 

“explain myself.” he corrected. “please.” you looked up at him and saw the hurt in his eyes. no matter how mad you wanted to be at him, you broke under his gaze. 

“fine.” you said. you ordered yourself another drink before you followed him to a booth. you slid into one side and colby sat next to you.

“first, i just want to say how incredibly sorry i am. i was an idiot for the things i did to you and i feel so horrible that i didn't take into account how my actions would affect your feelings.” he began. “i wanted so much for this youtube thing to work out with sam that i thought the best thing for me to do was cut ties with you. i thought that, if you and i stayed in touch, i wouldn’t be as focused on this journey as i should've been. all it would’ve taken was one ‘i miss you’ text and i would’ve come running back to you.”

“if you would’ve told me you were serious about youtube, then i would’ve supported you. sure, i would’ve miss you, but i would’ve also convinced you to see it through.” you said.

“i don’t doubt that. but i would’ve been too weak to listen. i was falling for you so hard, i know that i wouldn’t have seen it through. and i didnt want to leave sam hanging. so i did what i thought was appropriate, which was to unfollow you and cut ties completely. and again, i am so incredibly sorry for hurting you the way i did.”

“colby, look. i understand that you felt you had good intentions. and i accept your apology. but i have to tell you, what you did was really shitty and it made me feel horrible. it felt like all the years of friendship we had all meant nothing and that you truly were done with me. seeing you thrive in LA, and now vegas, it made me so proud of you. you and sam have been doing such incredible things and have been so successful. but it made me so sad at the same time, because i wanted to be part of the celebrations. we were always there for each other in the big moments.” you said to him. “and all the times i tried to reach out to you and plan something for us to get together, getting nothing in response, and seeing you out with all your influencer friends. that's when i sorta got the memo that you were truly done with me.”

“i was never done with you. i thought about you all the time. but i had myself convinced that if i let you back in that you would convince me to leave this all behind. i was surrounded by a lot of shitty people back then, and i also had myself convinced that you would use me for clout and then leave me.”

“i’d never do that to you. i never wanted anything from you. i just wanted my friend back.” you said softly.

“well, he’s right here. ready to fix everything. if you’ll have him.”

“i want to fix this, you dont understand how badly i want you back in my life. i really do. but there’s a lot of years of damage that need to be repaired.”

“and im willing to repair it.” he said, taking your hands in his. “more than willing.” 

you looked up at him with tears in your eyes. you were way too drunk to think about trying to stop them, and just let them pour down your face. you tried to speak, but you couldn’t make the words come out. you just nodded your head as he pulled you into his chest, hugging you tight. you sat there wrapped in each other’s arms for a while, silence falling over you as you took comfort in each other’s embrace.

“i missed you.” you said softly.

“i missed you too. more than i realized.” he said, squeezing you once more before letting you go. 

you spent the rest of the night together, catching up and sharing drinks. colby formally introduced you to sam, and the three of you had a great time together. over the course of the next few months, you and colby fell right back into step, your relationship going back to how it was when you knew each other in the past. and the both of you did everything it took to keep it that way.

[the-firebird69]

Actually see something people just start shooting you idiots to try and get guns in here I can see bja and his doing it and then fort Myers then they're getting ready to shoot a bunch of you it's going to alert everybody and we're going to go after you it was like to shoot you it's really is our friend says it's going to come down to shooting them cuz nothing's fast enough you can put them in the car and drive them all the way down the road they might get out of prison and then come back and bother you for a year lose the shotgun on their head I don't have to worry about it anymore including the clones have the retards too and I'm faded with you people you should have moved out this is not your apartment you have no right to someone else's apartment and you're forcing me to give you little jobs they supported me going to court City support me again he said he would support me again you little toddlers I have all sorts of things to bring into court for mostly attempted homicide several attempts and he wants to bring you to court too so we're trying to do that pretty soon we should let other people help us and it's one of the only ways to do it cuz you bring me to court and then you get mad at the judge and get mad at the court you trying to take it over and I know what to do now so I might go down there and get a restraining order on you John and your aliases

Stan

John Riva Lord says and you know how that goes I'll step it up and start following you more and I'm suggesting that law enforcement pay more attention to what he's doing because he's a freebie you see people like him we can't resist we have to take them out and we have to take the stuff and you don't understand it you still don't you're a bunch of clues listen to people talk we're military I don't know where you're brought up that said you could stick this piece of s*** next to me and be happy all day or part of the day or for a second in the day but my people would not ever tolerate it if they were you because of so much loss it's probably your plan but to be real I don't think you understand what you're doing

Zues Hera

It's hilarious to him and he laughs about it quite a bit even when the a****** is being severely dangerous he's sitting there taking everything they have he turns around and he gets some groceries I mean you people are f****** dumb he's using this piece of s*** wasn't I've ever seen anybody use anybody in my life I cannot believe it what do you say is moved a dumb f*** away from me or you will lose your entire realm including below your f****** def is saying cuz he's getting it done you stupid shits

Mac daddy

I sort of get something what he's saying is get this stupid f****** s*** off me or I will. And we're not doing the job it was still not he says you have no idea how frustrating that is to hear that stupid s*** coming out of my stupid mouth and we're going after this stupid heads and we're going to take more territory so I've got to get my head on the street and I can't seem to do that and they're not our mommy or our daddy and they want them away from him and said this like 2 years ago and I'm still saying it he says and we're going to keep taking stuff cuz we have to and you can put up your stupid screen all you want that ships could pass through the dumb f*** instead of good something too there's a way to do it and the new ships have it and tell me I can do it too and he has covered I tell you what we got to stop f****** around with these retards

Mike trw

You said that to you sat there with your thumbs up your ass I'm so sick of you f****** f****

Mac

I'm going to tell you something I'm getting it from everywhere I can't seem to move out what he says is you have to decide to fight retards and you don't care to so we will take care of it. Mark my words we are on that s*** like stink on s*** you people sit back including you Tommy f we need the money in order to pay people like myself

No my grand nephew took over the conversation and that's what he needs to do and he's doing it if you maximum sit there and jerk off and stuff that's fine but we're going to lose and I don't want you to we've been doing this for years to him and he's sitting there saying so I'll take over and get the f*** out of the way and he's getting pushy and he's getting big very big and his people have a way of staying big unlike other groups he's not these f**** wimpy pussies who don't know anybody I mean you people are delusional we're going up against the class A enemies shortly because we can't take care of these freaking morons or tell them what to do this is terrible terrible don't talk to me

Mac

[stranger-marauders]

shattered

seven: the reunion

chapter summary: Kate begins the drive to the only other place she can think of going. Steve, Dustin, and Max visit the high school.

chapter warnings: language, canon-typical violence, grief, parent loss

word count: 2.5k

series masterlist | masterlist

KATE STOPPED AGAIN right before the Ohio and Indiana border: she was only a couple of hours from Hawkins now.

She wished her dad were here. She was a lot like him; he would understand how she felt, would tell her what to do about all of this. He would understand the everything and nothing that she currently felt, the fast-paced and slow-motion of it all. She didn't know what to do to fix it, and she wished she had her dad to tell her how to do it.

Realistically, her dad would probably be disappointed in her right now. She'd fought off a government agent, and now she was driving hundreds of miles just on a hunch. At the same time, Kate realized that if he were still around, she wouldn't have even let him be disappointed in her: Jim Hopper probably would've done the same thing in her position, and being anything but proud of her would render him a hypocrite.

As Kate got closer to town, she thought about her plan.

She'd decided that once she got to Hawkins, after searching the lab for any discrepancies, the best place to stop would be the Wheelers' home. Nancy would most likely be down to help her or at least offer her a place to stay while she was in Hawkins, and that way, she didn't have to see Steve on such short notice. She couldn't think of anyone else that would for sure be in Hawkins that wouldn't immediately tell him she was in town.

Kate didn't know why she cared so much. It wasn't like he hated her or anything; he still sent her letters to check on her. That's what she assumed, anyway. She didn't know for sure, mostly because she hadn't opened more than a few of them without sobbing, but she knew he didn't hate her, at least. She, however, didn't want to make herself feel worse than she already did.

She didn't want to see the aftermath of what she'd done.

Steve, Dustin, and Max were already walking the hallways of Hawkins High School when Robin called for them over the walkie.

He felt weird being back inside of the high school. It wasn't like he hadn't been there recently, as he had literally been at the school the other day for the basketball game. He hadn't walked through the halls in a long time, other than the one that led directly to the gym. He made his head feel fuzzy that he had broken in at night with Dustin and Max, the hallways completely empty, and the lights in the entire building shut off.

Hearing Robin over the radio only made him walk to the counselor's office faster.

"Dustin, do you copy?" Robin called.

"Yeah, I copy," he answered, somewhat out of breath.

"So, Nancy's a genius," she started. "Vecna's first victims date back all the way to 1959. Her shot in the dark was a bull's-eye."

"Okay, that's, uh... totally bunkers, but I can't really talk right now."

"Wait, what are you doing?"

"Breaking and entering the school to retrieve confidential and extremely personal files."

"Can you repeat that?"

"Just get your ass over here, stat!" Dustin finally said. "We'll explain everything."

Max unlocked Ms. Kelley's office door with the key she'd swiped from her house, and once Steve and Dustin followed, she went straight for the filling cabinet.

"It's like a mini-Watergate or something," Dustin said, almost too excitedly. "Hawkinsgate!"

"Wait a sec, didn't those guys get caught?" Steve asked softly. He might've been dumb, but he did remember that from his government class. He was pretty sure he was alive for that one.

"Holy shit," Max said. Steve and Dustin walked over to her whenever she pulled a file from the cabinet.

"You found it?"

"Yeah, and not just Chrissy's file. Fred was seeing Ms. Kelley, too."

Max looked through Chrissy's file, Dustin watching over her and holding a flashlight over it as she did so. Steve leaned against the desk, holding the other file in question as he peered over her shoulder.

"Can I see Fred's file?" Max asked.

"Yeah," Steve replied softly, handing it over to her. He twisted around whenever Max opened the file quickly—she must've found something.

"Max? What is it?" Dustin asked, growing concerned. Whenever she didn't answer, only stared off into space, he called for her again. "Max! Max!"

"Max?" Steve asked. He started to pat her shoulder, trying to get her attention.

"Max, come on."

She finally shook herself back to reality, jolting upward as she tried to catch her breath, almost like she'd snapped herself out of a trance or something. Steve and Dustin only looked at her in concern.

Nancy and Robin had raced over to the high school as fast as they possibly could whenever Dustin had told them what happened over the radio.

Max had taken them to the spot of her vision. The end of the hallway in question was now completely blank, looking as normal as the rest of the school this time of night, but now, only the urgency showing in her voice remained as she spoke. "It was here. Right here!"

Nancy hesitated, but she kept her voice steady. "A grandfather clock?"

"It was so real." She didn't think she'd ever be able to erase it from her memory. "And then, when I got closer, suddenly I just..."

"It was like she was in a trance or something," Dustin said whenever she'd trailed off. "Exactly what Eddie said happened to Chrissy."

Max turned around to face the group of four behind her, her eyes almost grazing over. "That's not even the bad part."

Max took them back into Ms. Kelley's office to show them the files as she spoke.

"Fred and Chrissy, they both came to Ms. Kelley for help. Uh, they both were having headaches, bad headaches that just wouldn't go away. And then... then the nightmares. Trouble sleeping. They'd wake up in a cold sweat, and then they started seeing things. Bad things. From their pasts. And these visions, they just... they kept on getting worse and worse until eventually... everything ended."

Robin looked back up at Max from the file. "Vecna's curse."

"Chrissy's headaches started a week ago," Max said, her voice almost broken. "Fred's, six days ago. I've been having them for five days." Tension seemed to come over the room in a thick coat. "I don't know how long I have. All I know is that, for Fred and Chrissy, they both died less than twenty-four hours after their first vision." Max's voice started to crack as she continued. "And I just saw that goddamn clock, so—" she breathed shakily before she continued— "looks like I'm gonna die tomorrow."

Before any of the five could say anything else, a clang came from outside the room. Steve looked back to the ground before walking toward the door. "Stay here."

Steve walked toward the door, the rest of the group watching him as he stopped, grabbing the tall lamp that sat at the door. He grabbed it without a second thought, holding it defensively as he walked outside.

Once he was in the hall, he grasped it tight, only looking in front of him for something that could've been coming their way. He didn't know what he was looking for, exactly, but he was ready for anything that came at him. The group of four walked out of the room, following Steve carefully. They all jumped when they heard another clang, stopping in their tracks as footsteps approached them rapidly. Steve held up the lamp in anticipation, yelling with the rest of the group whenever Lucas appeared around the corner.

"It's me!" Lucas shouted, flashlights illuminating his face.

"Lucas?" Nancy called.

"Jesus, what's wrong with you, Sinclair!" Steve shouted, setting the lamp back down on the ground.

"I'm sorry," Lucas said, completely out of breath.

"I could've taken you out with this lamp!" Steve held the lamp in question again, shaking it for added effect.

"Sorry, guys. Sorry. I was... I was biking for eight miles." Lucas stopped, holding his finger up at them as he leaned against the wall, panting. "Give me a second. Shit." Once he caught his breath even slightly, he came back, even though he wasn't completely breathing correctly. "We've got a code red."

"What?" Steve asked, one of his hands on his hip.

Lucas, however, walked right past him. "Dustin. I've been with Jason, Patrick, and Andy, and they've gone, like, totally off the rails. They're trying to capture Eddie, and they think you know where he is. You're in terrible danger."

"All right. Yeah, that definitely sucks, but we've got bigger problems than Jason now," Dustin said, trying to keep his voice level. He only looked back at Max, and Lucas didn't say a word.

Max was going to die tomorrow.

Kate couldn't think of a time when she'd sped so fast into town.

Her first thought had been to go to Hawkins Laboratory and make sure nothing was going on there. She went inside the abandoned building, flashlight in one hand and revolver in the other, making sure that everything that resided in that building was dead and gone.

She hadn't even driven past Hawkins Laboratory since the day that she'd last been there. She hadn't had any reason to, really. Back when she lived in Hawkins, she knew that even going around there would be a bad idea. Now, though, even being in the same room where it had happened hadn't done anything to her. That creeping sense of dread, the knots that twisted in her stomach made her feel lightheaded for only a moment whenever she entered the room where she almost died in, the one where Bob Newby had died for her in, but she had to keep pushing.

Kate had thought for only a moment that she might slip into another episode. Her heart was beating fast enough for her to experience one, and her jittery hands certainly weren't helping her case. She tried to brush it off as she looked around for her sister. She even made it as far back as where the old sensory deprivation tank was—where the first gate was. At least she had physical proof that they weren't trying to open that again.

She thought for a moment that maybe that was where the government would bring El, bring her sister back to where she'd gotten her powers in the first place, but it had been a long shot. Whenever she found it empty, still as dead as the day that she'd left it, back all that time ago.

When she'd finally left the building, she sped through the streets of Hawkins again. She knew it didn't matter, partially because she knew that no one would be driving even on the main roads so late at night. She tried not to think much about her surroundings, only focusing on making it to the Wheeler house.

Kate still hadn't come up with a great explanation for why she'd driven nearly eleven hours to come to Hawkins, of all places, especially without telling anyone. There wasn't any reason for her to come back. Realistically, she didn't have another choice: not right now. She had to find El, and if going to Hawkins was a way to find her, so be it.

She knew she couldn't tell Nancy about the government agents, especially not about the one that she'd left unconscious in a random New York City alleyway. She didn't want this to be a situation where the Wheelers had a nickel for every time they harbored a federal fugitive on accident, but that was how it was going to have to be in order to find her sister.

Part of her wished she'd gathered the courage on that ten-and-a-half-hour car ride to call Steve. She hated that she hadn't. She hated that part of her didn't want to call him, all because she knew that he was probably extremely busy at the current moment. He probably wasn't even home to begin with. It was a Sunday night on spring break: he was most definitely on a date with someone, and if he wasn't swapping spit with one of the prettier girls in town, he would probably be working a closing shift at Family Video. She told herself she wasn't allowed to care anymore, though; she wasn't allowed to feel jealous. She'd made the conscious decision to push him away, to break his heart. Everything that Kate touched seemed to suffer and die, and she didn't want Steve to be a part of that, too. She couldn't stand it. That was why she had to stay away, even now—she loved him too much to truly lose him.

When Kate pulled into the Wheelers' driveway, she tried to clear her head as she cut the power to her car. She looked over to her glovebox, shaking her head as she pulled her dad's old revolver out of the glovebox again, tucking it between her shirt and her jeans on her back.

That had been one of the things Kate had taken of her dad's without telling anyone, partially because she didn't think it was anyone's business but hers. She'd obtained the permit for it before she had even gone back to school. It was in her car just in case she ever had to deal with anything interdimensional or Soviet again. While she trusted the Wheelers, she didn't trust the town of Hawkins. Not in the slightest.

Kate had taken a step or two toward the Wheelers' front door whenever she heard something move in the bushes on the side of the house.

Something must've been outside the basement.

Her hand grazed the revolver tucked on her backside, listening for something else. She wasn't taking any more chances. Never again.

When the bushes rustled again, she slowly took a step or two forward, wrapping her hand around the handle of the gun. She pulled the revolver from its tucked position and held it out in front of her defensively when she saw something run out in front of her. She completely snapped out of her stance whenever she heard yelling, more specifically her name.

"Jesus Christ, Kathy, put the goddamn gun down!"

Without a second thought, she dropped the gun out of her hands, then scrambled to pick it back up and put it in her pocket—she was so glad she hadn't cocked it. She looked in front of her, barely able to function.

Steve.

Her eyes widened, face etched in horror. "I–I—"

"What the hell are you doing here!" he asked her, shouting louder than he probably should have. "Y–You can't be here. I–I can't believe you're... you're here. No one... No one told me you were coming, you... you can't be here."

She gave him an annoyed look, throwing her hands up in the air. "This is why I didn't call you!"

He went on, almost like he hadn't heard what she'd said. "I–I would've told you not to come with everything going on—"

Her annoyed expression quickly changed into a confused one. "Wait, what're you talking about? Is..." She cut herself off. "What happened? Did something happen?"

He gave her a worried expression, his eyes going wide as he ran his hair through his hair. "Yeah. Yeah, something bad."

next chapter

taglist:

@thatsonezesty13 @cece5298 @thepowerstoner @alovelytardis @coolchick333 @stand-tall-pineapple @littlet-holmes @guichu @cinderellacauseshebroke @blackbirddaredevil23 @mads-weasley @ilovemarauders @pearlstiare @liableperfections @khaylin27 @girlwiththerubyslippers @cyarikaaa

[neoculturetravesty]

We met in online class - Part 9

Image adapted from here.

Pairing: Renjun x Reader Genre: College AU, romance, angst, fluff Warnings: Strong language, fist fight, a character has Covid-19 Word Count: 5.2k

Navigation: Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 | Part 4 | Part 5 | Part 6 | Part 7 | Part 8 | You are on Part 9 | Part 10 | Last Part

A/N: So proud of the boys for breaking records with Hot Sauce 🥺💛  Also, Eid Mubarak to all who celebrate!

Renjun is ashamed to be surprised, but his friends remain true to their word.

That night, Renjun slept for what he’s sure was a good fourteen hours. Because by the time he woke, it was way in the afternoon. Jaemin was already back from his shift and Jeno was almost halfway through his. Jisung had insisted that Renjun get some more rest before he had to take over. It was a tiny bit disconcerting to have Jisung hovering over him the entire day to make sure he was eating and feeling okay, but Renjun had to admit--this was exactly what he needed. He didn’t like who he was when he was alone.

The boys had apparently even created a dedicated group chat where they would post updates and a list of things that were required at the hospital. Not that there was much required, anyway. But the boys would make sure that at the very least, Renjun’s mom had fresh clothes and home cooked food everyday while she couldn’t get out herself. Jaemin had even taken Renjun’s phone and gotten it fixed so he at least had a proper screen instead of a cracked one.

Even when Renjun was sure that he could take over on his own, the boys wouldn’t allow it. On many occasions, he had just stayed by them during their turns, thankful for their company and their friendship. Because who else in this world would spend their semester break in this fashion? He’s pretty sure they had plans; but they had forsaken them all to be there for him. 

Renjun has no idea how it happens, but slowly and surely, things start to get better. He’s pretty certain it has to be some sort of a miracle. Like a little break of sunshine had finally decided to shine on him through the dark clouds. Like somehow, his guardian angel had decided that it had slacked off for long enough and now it should give Renjun a break. Because one day, the doctors tell them that Renjun’s grandmother will be a lot weaker for the next few days to come… but with a lot of care and attention, she should be ready to go home. They echo Renjun’s thoughts and tell them that it is nothing short of a miracle, but also that he should be thankful that his grandmother is still young and has a fighting spirit.

The day she is taken off of life support and brought into another room with a window through which he can see her, Renjun can’t hold himself back. He hugs onto Jaemin so tight and cries happy tears, and Jaemin holds him back just as strong, though he’s sure that he’s so overwhelmed by relief that he’s putting all of his weight onto the boy. But Jaemin doesn’t relent and holds onto him and lets him cry tears of joy into his shoulder.

The boys head home that night and laugh till they cry and celebrate Renjun’s grandma’s life and health. They eat like they had been hungry for days and slump their shoulders in ease like they had been keeping them tense for too long. They laugh and they sit together and keep letting out long sighs of relief, as if each breath was undoing a knot in their chest. It’s a sweet, victorious sort of a happy moment, and it is Jeno who has to remind them they need to focus now more than ever so that Renjun’s grandma can get her strength back and finally test negative. And it is an important reminder because the new semester is about to begin soon and given classes, they will have to redo their hospital visit schedules.

At the very least, they learn that the new semester would begin online, because the sudden surge in Covid cases had led them to another lockdown. Renjun’s not sure whether he should be happy or upset about it. On the one hand, he thinks this lockdown should’ve happened earlier so his grandma would’ve never gotten sick in the first place. On the other hand, he is happy that his grandma would now be safe and recover comfortably. 

When classes begin and Renjun finds all his housemates at home, his heart drops a little and he wonders if he should just skip today. But an amused Jeno mutes himself during his online class and stops him.

“You have other friends, too, you know?” Jeno cocks an eyebrow at him.

“Yeah, but I’m sure they have classes, too. Plus, the four of us have been doing this from the beginning, so… I don’t know…” Renjun says, rubbing the back of his neck, feeling a bit nervous about leaving his mother and grandma on their own without help. But Jeno looks at him like he’s talking gibberish.

“Dude. Not the four of us. All seven of us have been doing this from the very beginning.” Jeno says, eyebrow still cocked, looking at Renjun like he’s sure he’s lost his mind.

Renjun looks up and for a moment, he is sure his face looks dumb. Because if the buffering wheel was a human expression, Renjun’s certain he’s wearing it now. “All… seven?”

“Do you even check the group chat? Chenle and Mark and Donghyuck. They’ve all been doing their duty from Day 1, you idiot. How else would the rest of us come home so early?” Jeno scoffs and laughs a bit, knotting his eyebrows at his clueless friend.

For a moment, Renjun is silenced. Because he doesn’t know how to process this information. He feels a swell in his chest. A sort of happiness that only true friendship brings. But at the same time, he feels an incredible pang of guilt, because for one, he is an asshole that keeps underestimating the said friendship. And for the other, he had done absolutely nothing to be deserving of such love. 

“Dong… Donghyuck, too?” Renjun asks and he feels his heart breaking, though even in this surreal moment of realization, he recognizes how strange it is to feel heartbreak over something like this.

“Of course, you idiot. Donghyuck was the one that stayed at the hospital the entire first night when you were asleep.” Jeno tells him and smacks him lightly on the head.

And for the first time in his life, Renjun actually feels what it is like to have his head physically hang in shame. “I don’t deserve it.” he sighs.

“I really don’t understand you sometimes, Huang Renjun.” Jeno says and turns his attention back to his class.

“What do you mean?” Renjun retorts.

“Just because friends have a dumb fight, doesn’t mean they abandon each other in times of need.” Jeno states like it is the most obvious thing in the world.

It should be simple and obvious, everything Jeno has said. But to Renjun, it is groundbreaking. Because Renjun wasn’t used to being loved and cared for without condition. In his dark and convoluted view of the world, everything was give and take. You scratch my back, I scratch yours. But here they were--his friends that were shattering all of those dumbass beliefs. Telling him that although he had been a grade A asshole and punched them in the face, they understood that he was going through some shit, and that taking care of his sick grandmother trumped all other childish grudges. Renjun realizes that perhaps, he was the most childish out of all his friends. Somewhere in his turbulent childhood, he might have skipped a lot of emotional development. Because why else would the kindness and love of his friends shock him so?

Jeno peeks over the top of his laptop and watches Renjun deep in thought, paying no attention to his own class. “He’s at the hospital right now.” Jeno says knowingly.

And that’s all Renjun needs to hear before he slams his laptop shut and makes his way out.

The fact that Renjun is probably a few steps behind in his emotional development is solidified when he sits next to Donghyuck on a park bench and suddenly finds himself at a loss for what to say.

The rush of blood and adrenaline he had felt in his veins leaving his house for his apology tour seemed to have faded when he saw his friend’s face. Donghyuck had been sitting next to Renjun’s father, but that hadn’t been the bothersome part. It was the fact that his friend was sitting there for him, but with a black eye that Renjun had given him. 

In the grand scheme of healing black eyes, Donghyuck definitely looked less hurt than the last time Renjun had seen him. The purples were mostly gone, leaving behind hues of yellow and a speck of blue here and there. Though he may have been healing, there were more colors on him than before and that’s what made him look worse. That’s also the part that makes Renjun feel most ashamed. His friend was here for him even though he looked like shit thanks to him.

Renjun is sure that on the list of top ten assholes of the world, he would find his own name on top.

But sitting next to Donghyuck outside in the fresh air, he has no idea what to say. He thinks real hard and decides to start in the safe zone.

“Did the guys tell you? About my grandma?” he asks.

“Um, no. It was Jimin.” Donghyuck replies awkwardly.

Renjun nods. “I, uh… I told the guys like a day later, though. Did you tell them before I did?”

“No, um… I was at a party with the 127s… I didn’t see her text till like the next day either, so…” Donghyuck trails off.

Renjun nods again, then swallows. It’s so strange, how awkward this all is. It is unsettling because Donghyuck is the least awkward person he knows, and he hates that this weird zone is where their relationship seems to be heading.

Not if he can help it.

In another rush of dumbass adrenaline, Renjun gets up abruptly and stands before Donghyuck.

“Go on. Do it.” Renjun says and takes a deep breath.

“Huh?” Donghyuck looks at his friend quizzically.

“Do it. Just make it quick.” Renjun nods with determination and points at his face.

“You’re crazy.” Donghyuck states and slides further away on the bench, eyebrows raised, and a grimace on his mouth.

“Just do it, man. Do it so we can move on.” Renjun says, placing both hands on his waist and squeezing his eyes shut.

“I’m not going to punch you so you can move on, you psycho.” Donghyuck’s face is contorted, like he’s scandalized and perhaps even slightly scared of his friend. 

“Come on, Donghyuckie. Just punch me and get it over with.” Renjun waves his hand impatiently, not relenting.

“Are you not hearing me, you crazy? I’m not punching you just to make you feel better!” Donghyuck almost yells.

And because Renjun is pretty sure this would work, he grabs at Donghyuck’s collar just to provoke him.

“What the fuck?!” Donghyuck tries to push Renjun off of him.

“Hit me!” Renjun shouts.

“No, are you fucking crazy! Get off me!” Donghyuck grabs at the sleeves of Renjun’s jacket and tries to pry him off. 

“Not till you hit me!” Renjun insists, clinging onto the boy, grabbing and pulling at him to annoy him best he can to get a reaction.

“I’m not going to hit you!” Donghyuck yells. The two boys spin in inelegant, rough circles on the grass, trying to push and pull at one another.

“Punch me or you got no balls!” Renjun yowls and then finally feels the blow to his face that sends him flying to the ground.

He pauses for a bit because his head spins for a solid ten seconds. He shakes it vigorously to get it to focus and it helps because then he looks up to find a very startled and distressed Donghyuck looking down at him, fist still raised in the air.

“That had more throw than power.” Renjun comments, massaging his jaw.

“Yeah, that’s what I was going for.” Donghyuck agrees. 

For a moment both boys nod and look at each other, acknowledging the technique and form of the punch. And then, they burst into laughter because fuck, all of this was so stupid. Renjun rolls on the grass and Donghyuck doubles over as he stands. Then he offers Renjun his hand to help him get up, which he takes eagerly, using it to lift up and fling himself into his friend’s arms. They hold each other strongly, thumping one another on the back. And just like that, the awkwardness is gone. All that was meant to be said has been said and now Renjun is no longer struggling to find his words. They come easily, because all of this is so natural. He was with his best friend, after all.

“You are a crazy motherfucker, you know that, right?” Donghyuck comments, shaking his head as they sit back down on the bench.

Renjun chuckles, then looks at the grass, because his head hangs in shame again. “I’m a sorry motherfucker.”

Donghyuck puts an arm around Renjun and thumps his back again. “You should be sorry, you dumb fuck. But also, you’ve got a pretty toxic coping mechanism, you know that, right?”

Renjun sighs long “I know. The longer I think about it, the dumber I feel.”

He expects his friend to make a joke in return but he feels his hesitation. So he looks up and finds Donghyuck trying to think of what to say. “Have you ever thought about… like sorting that out, maybe?” he finally asks.

“Sorting it out?” Renjun asks, confused.

“Like... you know this isn’t normal, right?” Donghyuck asks, and he doesn’t sound like he’s mocking. His tone doesn’t have the slightest hint of a joke and that’s what makes Renjun realize what he’s talking about.

“No… no, I haven’t…” Renjun admits. He doesn’t know why he’s never thought about ‘sorting it out’. Perhaps because he’s always thought he was smarter than anyone who could offer him help.

“You could give it a try. Talking to someone really helps sometimes, you know? Getting help can help.” Donghyuck says carefully.

Renjun bites his lip. He knows his friend is right, but he’s never really, truly given it a thought. Donghyuck senses his discomfort and changes the subject.

“Your grandma is finally getting tested again tomorrow.” he says as he stretches.

Renjun smiles “Yeah. I honestly can’t believe it…” he looks at his best friend “... but I also don’t know if I’ll ever be able to thank you…”

Donghyuck frowns and shakes Renjun by the shoulder “Stop it before I throw up.”

“I mean it.”

“I’ll throw up even if you mean it.”

“Donghyuck…”

“Okay, really, stop. Also, I’m not even the one you should be thanking. Or apologizing to.” Donghyuck sits back after he’s had his fill of shaking Renjun.

“Of course, you’re the one I should be thanking and apologizing to, you stupid. You did all of this for me even when I was an absolute asshole to you.” Renjun presses.

“You are an asshole, but you’re also a dumb asshole.” Donghyuck declares.

“Hey, I’m trying to apologize nicely, here.” Renjun pouts and his friend lets out a long, exasperated sigh.

“I thought you were just being obtuse but you seriously don’t know…” Donghyuck shakes his head.

“Know what?” Renjun asks and Donghyuck shrugs and acts like a little shit which annoys Renjun, but at the same time fills him with relief. Because Donghyuck being a little shit to him means their friendship has been restored to its original state. But he asks again “Know what?!”

“Dude, no offense or anything, but did you really think your parents can put your grandma in a private room all on their own?” Donghyuck asks.

Renjun stops a bit. He’d been so worried about the fact that his grandma’s life was hanging by a thread that he hadn’t even thought about the expenses part. He knows his grandma had a little bit in savings, but his parents for sure didn’t earn that much. Come to think of it, he hadn’t even realized that this was one of the nicer hospitals around.

“Fuck it, I’m really going to have to spell it out for you. Since your brain doesn’t seem to be working.” Donghyuck sighs dramatically.

“What?”

“Dude. This is Y/N’s parents’ hospital. Your mother couldn’t possibly keep taking care of your grandma all on her own, now could she? When Y/N found out, she went crazy. She made her parents direct all their best resources into taking care of your grandma.”

For a while, the information hangs in the air.

Renjun had thought that he would never get to feel things that were new and unexplainable ever again. He thought he had experienced every single feeling his body had to offer. The past month alone had put him through more emotions than he had experienced in his whole life. He had seen it all, felt it all.

But what he’s experiencing right now doesn’t feel like gratitude or shame or longing or anything one should expect to feel in a situation like this. It just feels like a soft light has filled his chest and is lifting him in the air. He feels like he’s floating, like he’s having an out of body experience. 

“Oh,” is the only thing he can manage to say.

And then he remembers your face. He hadn’t realized it then, but he sees now how badly he had wanted to see you that night. He had wanted no one but you to hold him and kiss him and tell him that he wasn’t alone. And he remembers how he couldn’t tell you any of that. He remembers how you had walked away with another man. 

And that makes him come back to earth. He feels a resigned sort of sadness.

“Y/N is… she would do that for anybody, wouldn’t she?” Renjun smiles sadly.

“She probably would. But you should’ve seen how worried she was. Even now, she is on the phone everyday with her parents, making sure they’re doing everything they can. She didn’t want what happened to her grandmother to happen to yours.” Donghyuck tells him.

Renjun looks up “What happened to her grandmother?”

Donghyuck raises his eyebrows. “She passed away from Covid last year?” His eyebrows go higher still “She says she’s told you about this?”

Renjun thinks, and then it’s as if a veil on his memory is slowly but poorly being lifted. He remembers laying his head on your shoulder. He remembers feeling your shirt dampen from his tears. He remembers your fingers drawing relaxing patterns in his hair. He remembers your soothing voice, speaking to him with such tenderness that Renjun had barely heard your words and had focused instead on it’s sweet tones. But now, when Renjun is forcing himself to think, he very foggily recalls what you had been saying. You had been telling him about your own grandmother. Why hadn’t Renjun listened? Why did Renjun never listen when you spoke? He was such a selfish, arrogant fool. He wishes he could go back and change it all. 

Donghyuck shakes his head. “Are you really….” he sighs again, “Nevermind. But yeah, she basically went nuts because she couldn’t be here with you.”

Renjun’s heart is aching and he’s pretty sure his face reflects it. “I wish I could take it all back. Everything I did to her.”

“You can take it back.” Donghyuck says.

“How?” 

“Apologize to her, you dummy.” Donghyuck smacks the back of his head.

“How? I tried calling her once but she didn’t pick up.” Renjun admits.

“Then you should call her again and again and again till it sticks.” Donghyuck says plainly and it makes so much fucking sense that Renjun is embarrassed that he hadn’t thought it.

“Yeah, but…” Renjun swallows, “... it doesn’t really matter now, does it?”

“What do you mean?” Donghyuck asks.

“She’s with Wong Hendery now. So…” Renjun can’t even complete the thought.

“What do you mean she’s with Wong Hendery?” Donghyuck scrunches his brows deep in his forehead in confusion.

“She left with him for the semester break. I went to see her… but she left with him…” Renjun presses his lips together.

“Wait…” Donghyuck says and Renjun looks up and nods at him as if to confirm the fact. But he sees something entirely different on his friend’s face. It’s an expression of deep dumbfoundedness. “... are you some sort of an idiot?” He asks like Renjun is the dimmest person he has ever come across.

And Renjun doesn’t help his cause because he only blinks in return.

“Dude! She’s not ‘with Wong Hendery,’” Donghyuck gets up and smacks Renjun across the head once again. “They’re partners on the SMK Trainee Drive. She’s literally been preparing for this for months? Shouldn’t you know this?”

Renjun blinks some more. SMK Trainee Drive? Renjun had heard and personally seen you preparing for interviews and these drives. But somehow a lot of it hadn’t registered in his brain. Once again, probably because he never listened to you well. Fuck. Fuck, fuck, fuck, he was an idiot. He was the biggest idiot on the planet.

Yet right now, he was a smiling idiot whose heart was suddenly filling with hope. “She’s not… with… she’s not with Hendery?” Renjun is embarrassed. He feels so fucking stupid asking this, but he absolutely can’t help the smile spreading across his face.

“She’s literally at the tower right now. She’s been stuck because we went into lockdown whilst she was there. It’s why she couldn’t come and see you. But the highway doesn’t open for another week, so she’ll be stuck till then.” Donghyuck explains, and Renjun feels his heart exploding with joy at every word. He’s pretty sure he’s grinning shamelessly. 

“Why do I know more about your girlfriend than you do? Oh wait. It's because 'she's not your girlfriend.’” Donghyuck does a perfectly exaggerated mimicry of Renjun that reminds him of that one SpongeBob meme. On a normal day, he would’ve wanted to smack his friend for doing this. But in this moment, he is all too happy to be the one being smacked and mocked.

Renjun laughs with relief, then finds his laugh fading a bit. “Do you think she’ll forgive me? For everything I did?”

“I don’t know, man. But you wouldn’t know unless you try.” Donghyuck once again states something that should be obvious.

“How do I try if she’s not picking up my calls? And when she won’t even be here for another week?” Renjun sulks a bit but gets smacked in the head again.

“Dude! She literally did everything in the world to help your grandma, and she was in a wholeass different city! She did that all for you! I’m sure you can figure out a simple apology.” Donghyuck has his arms crossed and is now seriously looking agitated with him and it makes Renjun smile.

“She really did that for me?” Renjun asks and he doesn’t even care if he sounds like a cheesy motherfucker. He doesn’t even care he’s being this way in front of Lee Donghyuck who probably won’t let him live it down for the rest of his life.

“Of course she did that for you, you idiot.” Renjun earns another smack at the end of that.

“Does she like me?” Renjun asks like a stupid, hopeful teenage boy.

Donghyuck pretends to gag and moves away in disgust. But then he sees Renjun’s expression and lets out a long, irritated exhale. “Of course she likes you, you dumb fuck.” Renjun gets hit in the head, “Why would she do all of this if she didn’t like you?” Renjun gets another smack, “Oh Lord, please give me the strength to not commit murder. I am not your strongest soldier…” Donghyuck looks up at the sky and Renjun laughs openly, freely and lightly. He feels as if all the knots in his chest are slowly being undone one by one. So he jumps up and tries to tackle and cuddle Donghyuck but he keeps moving away. The two boys run around in the ground, Renjun chasing Donghyuck, trying to attack him with his love while he complains that his hair smells.

And Renjun accepts all his insults with a newly healed heart. You liked him. Despite everything that he’d done to you, you liked him. You had worried about him and done everything in your power to help his grandma. You had kept tabs on her and made sure she was healing even though you were miles away. You liked him, and you weren’t with a new guy and you liked him.

As he walks back towards the hospital with his arm around his best friend’s shoulders, he decides that if it came to it that he had to beg and grovel for your forgiveness, he would happily spend the rest of his life on his knees. Because you liked him and Renjun was never going to let you go ever again.

True to his word (for maybe the first time in your relationship), Renjun spends the rest of the week trying to reach you. Because his apology tour wouldn’t be complete without his most important stop--you.

He calls you so many times; but each time, he only gets to hear the dial tone and the mechanical voice telling him that the user is unreachable at the moment. You never pick up.

But his mind and his spirit is fueled by Donghyuck’s advice, and this time, the advice is a lot more sound and a lot less exploitative. So, Renjun doesn’t give up because he has to make it stick. You had never given up on him. He wasn’t going to give up on you. When he’s sure you won’t pick up his calls, he leaves you a string of messages.

‘Hey, Y/N. I’m trying to call you. Please pick up?’

‘I know you have every right to be mad at me, but I just need a chance to apologize.’

‘I’m seriously the biggest idiot in the world, but I need to tell you that in person.�� 

‘Okay, I’m coming to you.’

‘Turns out I can’t just negotiate with the police to let me cross the city lines to get to the girl I like.’

‘Y/N, please…’

‘I’m the world’s sorriest and the most embarrassed motherfucker and I need to hear your voice to tell you that.’

‘I am Berry-Berry sorry, and I’m just asking for one chance to get to talk to you.

‘I’m not going to stop, you know?’

He has to admit that his patience is wearing thin. Because he’s trying every method and none of it is working; and also because his pride had never allowed him to beg and grovel to anyone before. It’s a humbling experience, but at the same time, he doesn’t feel burdened by it. This was for you. The girl who had done everything in her power to make him fall. The girl who had given him more love and kindness than anyone else in the world had. The girl who had taken his troubles and worries as her own. So, of course, he had to do everything in his power to earn your forgiveness.

But as he’s sitting in his room, trying to call you for what he’s sure is the twentieth time that day, he hears that your phone has been powered off. For a moment, Renjun feels immensely dispirited. Maybe he had lost you for good. Maybe you never wanted to hear from him ever again. Maybe this is what he deserved.

But in the next moment, Renjun stops himself. No. He wasn’t going to let his mind spiral that way again. He had to think with a good, clear mind. He couldn’t sit around and sulk without knowing he had explored all possible options. He needed to get creative and for that, he needed to think.

He could certainly wait it out till the week was over and when you’d be back. But he wanted to spend each passing minute letting you know that he was trying. So, that wasn’t an option.

Maybe he could look at the map and find some loopholes and secret passageways across the city. Surely, some of them had to be unmanned so he could break the lockdown law and get to you? That would certainly be impactful, being locked up in jail as a grand gesture of an apology. But Renjun was no action hero.

Renjun sits and thinks and thinks and thinks till a light bulb finally goes off. Of course. A grand gesture. He yells into his pillow out of excitement and frustration that he hadn’t thought of this before. If one thing had been established during this time, it was the fact that Renjun was a dumb fuck with a penchant for being blind to the obvious. 

He gets up bright and early the next morning and rushes to see your friend at her apartment. He sits beside her as her online class starts, away from the camera view and finds his heart filling with the utmost warmth as he sees your window finally appear on the screen. Even in the tiny box, you looked so freaking beautiful that for a minute, Renjun stops and stares as butterflies take over his belly. But he taps his cheek to get himself to focus. He was here on a mission.

He waits for the class to begin before he slides himself into view next to your friend and types out a message on the chat that had taken him all night to prepare. He hits ‘Send to Everyone’ and waits.

And thankfully, the professor--miraculously the same professor who had done this the very first time all that time ago--stops to read it out,

“This might be a long shot, but Y/N L/N, do you think you can find it in your heart to give me another chance?” he begins, squinting his eyes slightly in confusion as he reads on, then smiling as realization hits. “Well, that’s certainly not a question from Ms. Kim Minjeong, I can tell you that.” he jokes and waits because as it had before, this has piqued the students’ interest.

Renjun watches as your pretty eyes widen. He watches them skirt across your screen, seemingly looking for the cause of the commotion. He watches the moment of realization hitting your pretty face. And he waits.

“Well, Ms. Y/N L/N, are you going to put the young man out of his misery?” the professor jokes kindly and Renjun thinks he might die from the anticipation.

And then, he watches as you move to unmute yourself.

“Yeah, I guess I could give him another chance,” you say nonchalantly which earns you a round of applause and hoots from all other windows. Because college students will always love dramatic antics.

The professor calls the class back to attention and Renjun sits back in his chair, grinning like an idiot because the girl he had fallen for had given him another chance.

Copyright © 2021 NeoCultureTravesty. All rights reserved.

[darthwheezely]

okay im backkkkk 💌 anything kinda angsty for fred pls (like a break up but theres a bit of making up at the end pls

resentment and reconciliation- f.w. hcs

Warnings: this one kinda hurt to write I’m ngl, I love you Jess but DAMN - cussing probably, mentions of slut shaming, actual smut, a lOT OF ANGST, hateful!fred

THIS WILL BE SO UNGODLY LONG THIS IS BASICALLY A PSUEDO ONE SHOT

people that might like this(?): @whiz-bangs78 @vogueweasley @theweasleyslut @loony-loopy-lupinn @lupinsclassroom @vivianweasley @oh-for-merlins-sake @kitwalker02 @tatesimper @gcdric @slytherinsunrise @lumosandnoxwriting

you and Fred were friends...

...simply friends

yep

mhm

only friends

friends that liked to casually dominate each other multiple times a week

sometimes multiple times a day

but regardless of your entirely messy relationship, you were best friends

...weren’t you?

“Fuck, Y/N, you’re so goddamn tight me,” Fred hissed as he was pounding inside of you, determined to release some kind of frustration from seeing you with George for the whole day when you both knew you had really just wanted to spend the day with Fred. Right?

“Freddie, you feel so good” you said airily as he hiked up one of your legs onto one of his shoulders.

“Yeah, princess? You like the way I fill you up so good, make you fucking mine?” When you moaned in response he threw your other leg onto the opposite shoulder, determined to show you just how much you were his, and what that meant for him. He had been watching you for months pretend nothing was happening outside this room, and regardless if you knew it or not, it had been killing him the day he agreed to your rendezvous the first time.

“Yes, Freddie, fuck, yes”

“Gonna come for me, sweet girl?”

“God, yes, Fred-“ and with a harsh thrust to your g-spot you clenched around him tightly, your body releasing onto him in a massive wave. He put his free hand that didn’t have your arms pinned above you to your clit, determined to have you as overstimulated as possible.

“Fred, please-“ you whined vehemently at his rough touch.

“I’m coming baby, I’m right here” and with a final pound he had smoothed your walls with him, the throbbing finally subsiding. He rolled his hips slowly to ride out his high, and he then pulled out, falling to your side and pulling you into his arms. He could feel your heart pounding as your breasts heaved against him, desperate for air flow where he had rid you of it all.

“We haven’t held each other like this in a while, Freddie...it’s...it’s really nice.” You whispered against his bare chest, pressing a kiss or two there. He nodded and buried his mouth in your hair, fluttering his eyes.

“I promise I’ll take every opportunity to hold you, okay?”

that was tuesday

let’s skip to Thursday morning

you had only told one other person about your complicated relationship with Fred, and that was Hannah Abbot

you trusted her, you saw her as your BEST friend

but unfortunately, good ol’ hannah didn’t really feel the same

she had it out for you when Roger Davies had confessed he had a crush on you at the Yule Ball, kissed you even, against your consent

see, he was Hannah’s date

and she didn’t like that very much

to top it allllll off?

she had been casually crushing on Fred ever since she had her heart broken by Roger

so now here you all were, seventh year and you assumed as per usual that everything was fine

when clearly, unbeknownst to you

this bitch saw you six feet under

so Hannah did what she knew would hurt you the most

she told Roger :)

“Please he’s absolutely balls deep in love with her, but poor thing doesn’t know she’s using him for a roll in the sack.” Said Hannah, filing her nails in the courtyard. Roger looked at her absolutely dumbfounded.

“No, Y/N, isnt like that. And besides, Fred’s a good mate of mine and...She just wouldn’t do that to him. Feelings or not, she’s not one to use people.” He shook his head starting to get up from the tree he’d been leaning on.

“Well, she used you, didn’t she?” She purred demurely. He turned to look at her, jaw clenched.

“What’s that supposed to mean?” He gritted out.

“She’s making him her personal whore, exactly like she did when she rejected you at the Ball...I mean...cmon, Rog. Don’t people deserve to know who she really is?”

everyone had heard the next day how Y/N was fucking Fred Weasley like an Olympic sport

and how he wasn’t the one coming out on top for the first time

at first he didn’t know what he did when he walked into the Great Hall to stares and whispers

George had tried to get him to go back to bed so he could bring him food

but fred demanded answers

and when he found out what it was

...he was crushed

You walked into the cascading staircase, bounding up the stairs. It was Thursday night, you and Fred’s night to be alone while George and Lee would be hanging out. You walked into the room to see Fred, throwing things onto his bed and looking angry and...hurt?

“Fred, what-what is all this?” He didn’t look at you, just continued to pick stuff up off the floor, and got one of your bras. He threw it at you.

“It’s all your shit, Y/N. Might as well help since this is the last time you’ll ever be in my room. Or around me again quite frankly.” He started to look down again and keep working but he heard you whimper and his eyes flashed up to yours. He started to laugh harshly. “Oh my god, stop.” He rolled his eyes and threw his arms out. “You got what you wanted from me didn’t you, Y/N? Quick shag and no feelings and knowing you had an entire fucking human being completely and utterly devoted to you with, what did Ron say? ‘Half the commitment’?” He smiled at you but it was one with rage, with tears pooling at his eyes, pain emitting off his body in hot waves. He didn’t even know he was shouting.

“I mean, Jesus, I’m in love with you and you got to go on and-and fuck whoever you want because guess what at the end of the day you get to tell everyone that Fred fucking Weasley is your own personal whore and would do anything for you and that just got you where you wanted it didn’t it? Didn’t it?” He had stopped yelling, his heart pounding as he took in the sight of you fully in tears now, flinching at him quietly. He felt immediately then like he was going to throw up, something wasn’t right, you usually were so fiery and assertive and here you were looking like a dog that got kicked repeatedly. He swallowed thickly. “Get your stuff and get the fuck out I can’t stand the sight of you.”

Without looking at him you reached onto his bed and grabbed everything you could carry, and swiftly left the room. Everyone in the Gryffindor common room, except George, looking at you with pure unbridled disdain.

George was the only it seemed, that cared about you at this time for the next couple weeks

He didn’t tell Fred, but it had been George that had been sneaking up food to you in your dorm room

It had been George that had sent you little notes in class that said things like

I love you, Y/N. I believe in you, okay?

He even visited your dorm one day when you couldn’t move so much as one leg off your bed, and he caught you then, while you were sobbing about the loss of Fred and yourself and he held you and put you back in bed

and waited until you fell back asleep and moved the hair out of your face

he needed to tell Fred the truth

meanwhile, Fred was floundering

he had fallen back into his coping mechanism of sex and violence, mostly the first one

he had started hooking up with virtually everyone in his year that he’d ever rejected

after all - fred was labeled as a slut so why not act like one

if there was anything Fred was good at, it was being loud

in bed it had never been an issue - in fact, it was a talent now, yeah?

he’d been hearing it around school for weeks now

how easy he was

how much he would do to get in a girl’s pants

how he dipped his wick in anything that moved

anything and everything

he got it from girls

“c’mon freddie can i take a ride just once”

to the guys

“Oi freddie, you let your mates hit it for free too?”

if it were from a guy he’d usually swing a punch

or 12

he’d gotten in his most fights that he ever had in any of his years at hogwarts

but then Georgie came along:

George had waited on Fred’s bed, as his twin was in the shower. Lucky for Fred, George had been able to trace Roger’s little dip in the gossip system all the way back to Hannah Abbott, who everyone knew was bullshit, and had decided to let his brother know exactly what kind of a supreme asshat he was being to their best friend (and the love of Fred’s life, let’s be super honest.)

“Georgie, what the hell are you doing-”

“About to give you the whip cracking of your life, dear brother.” George swung his legs off the bed as Fred continued to dry his hair in the mirror, rolling his eyes.

“Is this about the last girl I had by? We didn’t fuck on your bed if that’s what you’re so worried about.” Fred quipped and George took everything in his power to not bitch slap the hell out of his older twin. George clenched his jaw and rolled it.

“You fucked up, Freddie.” He said quietly. Fred turned slowly to look at him. “Excuse me?”. “You. Fucked. Up.” George said a bit louder. “Y/N got played. By Hannah Abbott and Roger Davies. She’s had a crush on you this whole time, you absolute dumb piece of shit.” And then George did push Fred then backwards onto the bathroom wall, but he was too dumbfounded by the usually sensible twin’s behavior to do anything back.

“That’s-I don’t understand-“

“Oh my god, Fred. Hannah’s been in love with for ages, she lied. To everyone. Roger did too, he’s wanted to get with Y/N since day 1 you know that just as well as I do.” Fred tightened his arm, thinking about Roger with his lips and arms on you that night last year-

“Your point? She still said that shit about me” he said gruffly, but a pool of anxiety swirled in his stomach all the same

“Don’t you get it? Y/N is in love with you. She didn’t say or do anything to hurt you. At all. She hasn’t been eating, she hasn’t been doing homework, she throws up constantly, she’s barely left bed but to go to the library and usually all she does there is sleep anyway, she cries all the time and it’s been me making sure she still is present if not to just see people every damn day! So quit youre moping and fix this shit or I swear to God, Freddie, I’ll knock your block off.” George was heaving, pools of water in his eyes as he swallowed. “She’s my best friend too, you know.”

Fred looked up at George then and had started to cry. All of those things he said, all of the words he spat at her like they could burn her skin and cause some of the pain he believed she had caused him, when in reality you had-you had done nothing wrong.

“Georgie, I’m sorry” he choked.

“I know you are. But I’m not the one to say it to right now...you’ve gotta find her, Freddie. Please.”

you had been in the corner of the quidditch stands

the wind was blowing against your hair

you couldn’t be in your room anymore, it started to smell like you

and you, prior to an hour ago, didn’t smell too appetizing

you reeked of sweat and tears and your own sick

you took a shower so hot you wanted it to burn you alive

maybe sanitize the last of your fear and your hurt away

you had lost weight, you had lost feeling

you all in all had just lost

and you had never wanted to go home so badly, already considering writing home

you hated being reminded that your best friend and crush hated you

wanted you to be hated by everyone else too

but then, you heard footsteps

“Y/N?” Fred whispered to himself as he saw you in the stands. You looked so worn, so lifeless sitting there - he almost didn’t recognize you from the way your hair, usually scrunched up and bouncy had fallen flatly against your face, further slapped around by the wind outside. You had been wearing an oversized sweater and your sweatpants had pooled around your ankles. Simply put, you were miserable. 

“Y/N?” He called again once he was standing in front of you. You turned to look at him in what felt like slow motion, but when you locked eyes with him, you immediately felt fearful. 

“I-I’m sorry, I’ll leave now” you sputtered

“No, hey, wait, please” he reached out to grab your arm and you froze, letting him take it. He looked at you, with a flash of fear and worry on your face and he wanted to throw up knowing he was the one that made you feel like that.

“Fred, please let go” you hoarsely whispered.

“No, love, I’m not going to let go I have some things to apologize for.”

You started to cry, eyes dropping again to his hand on your arm and breathing feeling suddenly like a very hard task. “You hate me now: you sobbed and you pulled yourself from his grip, turning away from him and gathering your bag. He started to scramble for your hold again tears starting to stream down his face

“No, angel, please, I could never hate you”

“Oh? What about those things you said to me in your room-” you were walking faster over the benched seats, making your way to the other side.

“I know I know I said those things in my room but I can’t believe them because you have to believe me when I tell you I’m in love with you” and he was sobbing at your body turned away from him. You turned to look at him with a skeptical quirk of your face.

“No, no you don’t.” You spat.

“Yes, Y/N, I do please let me explain” he said earnestly taking in your bright eyes and the furrow of your brow.

“People who love each other don’t scream at them and throw things.” You said flatly. You wanted him to be true but you couldn’t make yourself believe him.

“Just give me five minutes of your time and-and if you hate me you never have to see me again. Please.” He closed the gap between you two and motioned for you to sit down. You licked a tear from your lip and nodded siting on a bench besides him.

“Hannah and Roger told everyone-”

“I know what happened. What they did. I want to hear about you. And what you said. And are saying” you looked at him in the eyes with steel burning behind your irises.

He sighed and rubbed his jaw. “I thought that what we had was purely sex in your eyes. And I was too much of a coward to ever ask you, so when I heard someone tell me that my own insecurities could possibly be true,” he inhaled a harsh breath as tears started to fall “I-I was crushed. By the idea that you saw me as what other people saw me as...as a toy? I guess? Or a sexual prop? To use when you wanted. But I hide my feelings a lot as you know, so even if you did feel that way, it would’ve looked like I agreed because I hate you knowing how sad I am,” he started to choke on his tears, the anguish of knowing he hurt you this much was too much for him to ever be able to handle. “I just wanted to hold you and whisper in your ear and tell you how much I love you and the thought of my own fears being true pushed you away. And you never have to forgive me. I-when I yelled at you like that I wanted to see you hurt, I think. I wanted you to see how sad it made me to think about you with other people like you had been with me and” he took a final breath and you pulled his body into you. “Y/N, my love I’m so sorry.” His sobs shook your body, the feeling and angle of the destroyed boy you love shaking you everywhere. You pressed kisses to his head. “Freddie, I love you” you repeated “I love you here and here and here and here and here” and with every kiss you gave him, you were determined to soothe him. “I-I’ sorry too, for not being as forthright with you about how i felt too. It’s always been you, Freddie.” He choked out a watery smile and he leaned in to kiss your face everywhere he could, his tears stinging against the wind and your cheeks. 

“If-If you could ever be with me I will always be open to it at any time, you know that don’t you? I-I understand if you can’t.” He held his forehead to yours, his nose brushing yours ever so slightly. 

“Freddie, I love you. You were who I missed when I couldn’t get out of bed for fuck’s sake you’re all I want,” and he leaned into you then fully, capturing your wet and chapped lips against his. Your arms wrapped around his neck and he melted into you like this

this

this was fred weasley

[phoenixyfriend]

Re; Ahsoka and Quinlan being the same age, now I'm picturing Ahsoka, Quinlan, and Rex eventually ending up in a weird sorta thruple where Quinlan comes in and out of the relationship but the door is kinda always open for him? And Rex spends a lot of mornings eyeing the tangle of orange and brown skin on the other side of the bed like he has no idea how he ended up here but he's (mostly) okay with that tbh

Context: Commander Buir in chronological order

YES okay so this is wild to me that people are invested in this but like half the time-travel fics with Ahsoka in the same age-group as Quinlan have me wondering if I should ship them. Let me just. Ho shit.

So, okay, I've explored a lot of possible dynamics but there's something really engaging about how Quinlan, trained as a Shadow before the Sith came back, could react to a War Padawan. Ahsoka isn't really infiltration material yet, she's very much a frontline fighter, but she's got a lot more experience with a kind of consistent dark atmosphere that most Jedi don't. They get exposed to plenty of dark stuff, sure, but not the kind of all-encompassing "this is my life for the last two years" thing that is usually reserved for the long-term field agents like Shadows and Watchmen.

The War Padawans, for all that they were supposed to be just normal Jedi Padawans, were living in the kind of consistently negative environment that's normally experienced by those Knighted Sentinels.

So Ahsoka, while still generally pretty young in these AUs, is a very odd kind of person to be around, because she's spunky and vivacious and snippy and affectionate and snarky and knows how to break every bone in your body from harrowing experience as the only thing standing between death and thousands of brothers.

And Quinlan, I imagine, really likes that about her. She gets it, and she's still an energetic and loving and trying to do her best to be a good person despite everything. He gravitates towards her and she... well, she's not blind. She can tell he's interested. And she's not upset about that.

ANYWAY, ONTO REX

So, Rex is... technically twelve. He hasn't exactly got a whole lot of experience with romance. He is also, up until the point of time-travel, legal property of the Senate and the Jedi Order, which means that Ahsoka, or at least her community, owns him. He was indoctrinated to serve her and that community. She also outranks him, for all that she usually lets him take the lead in the field due to experience. He's older than her physically and maturity-wise, but she's also had a grow-up-faster-than-you-should adolescence, and she has superpowers.

What I'm saying is, the power dynamic is fucked up.

(Unironically I spent hours last night realizing that it balances out a lot more than C*dywan does, which I'm censoring because by god do I not want discourse on this post. I like both ships, and don't want to argue about what's the most problematic. It's Star Wars. The only unproblematic ships are Bail/Breha and Owen/Beru.)

Here's the thing, though, because the main thing people seem to argue here is the age/maturity difference as a problem area:

The age difference in actual time is four years, which is smaller than the two main ships of the franchise (Han/Leia and Padme/Anakin, to be clear). The age difference in maturity is ??? We'll say that the clones started aging normally after they hit twenty, so the age difference in maturity is six years... which is still normal for SW ships.

(This is why I don't have any issues with the ship in a post-O66 context, once they've had a few years to move past the traumas and whatnot. The age stuff all evens out with time, they're a good team, and neither was grooming the other. It's not objectively any more problematic than most SW ships at that point, and I'm okay with that. They deserve to be happy if they want.)

But they get yanked away from all that structure of who owns what, who reports where, who has which rank, who's legally a person in the eyes of the Republic when they end up on Dagobah. Once they've registered when they are, the only remaining complications are:

He grew up in a cultlike environment and was indoctrinated to serve her (but has been replacing that indoctrination with genuine respect and affection for her as a person because they've worked together for two years).

She has superpowers (contextually not a big problem: we see several Force-Sensitive/Non-Sensitive ships that don't consider those powers a complicating element)

He's several years younger than her (canonically less of an issue than it could be: Cut got married and has kids) and has next to no experience with what a normal romance looks like except for hanging out on the edges of whatever the fuck his General has going on with the Senator

She's several years less mature than he is (...something of an issue)

So a lot of this is mostly okay. She feels weird about the fact that she's got more knowledge of romance and all that it entails. He feels weird about the fact that, despite her being older, he looks at her and sees someone that's still a little young, not quite a shiny. Except she is older than him, and he's seen her behead four people in a single move, and they've saved each other's lives more times than either of them can count anymore. He respects her, and the fact that she's babyfaced doesn't change the fact that, in terms of who they are as people and warriors, they're on a level playing field.

She still looks at him and mourns his lost childhood, and he still looks at her and takes a moment to see past the too-big eyes and adolescent proportions.

But they really, really care about each other, and maybe part of them is starting to recognize that there's a bit of a crush before they time-travel, but neither one wants to make a move. There's a lot of baggage on both sides, a lot of "but they're a child" and "but they're (literally vs functionally) below me in the chain of command, I can't take advantage of that" and all that fun stuff. It's the kind of situation where two people circle each other for ages without making a move, because actually making that move is terrifying on account of not knowing whether the other party knows they can say no, on top of the usual "what if it ruins our friendship?" thing.

What happens on Dagobah, though... is very tropey. They're sort of stranded until Ahsoka can fix the ship, and that takes time. The area is also very heavy with the Force, dense and heady with the energy it carries, and it's... actually really not great for Ahsoka. She keeps feeling like she's back on Mortis, and has nightmares from the trigger there, but also keeps hallucinating because she wasn't ready for the thickness of the energy (like Yoda) or still new enough to the Force that she couldn't feel how dense it all was (like Luke). She can't work on the engines as constantly as she'd like to get them out of there, and while Rex is a competent mechanic, he's not as skilled with it as the girl who jumped headfirst into lessons with Anakin.

Rex spends a lot of time holding Ahsoka and wiping her brow with a wet cloth while she's feverish and out of it. Yes we're going full Florence Nightingale romance here, let me have my fun.

They get the communications relay working earlier than the engine, find out the year is wrong, panic a bit. All is well. (It's not, but they're holding it together for now.)

Ahsoka keeps working on the engine when she's lucid. Rex keeps hunting up game and edible plants for them while she does. They cuddle at night, because it's not cold but it is empty of the people they care about, and they kind of want that reassurance of someone they trust and love at their back.

(Morai visits.)

(Daughter shows up in the nightmares, tells Ahsoka that age will not come for her beloved until the time is natural for it. The phrasing is dumb but she does manage to convey that the accelerated aging is no longer an issue, if it even was after they hit adulthood. Ahsoka is relieved.)

And, you know, emotions happen. She takes his hand while they're leaning up against each other. He kisses her forehead while she's having a bad spell. They cook together and tell jokes to keep sane and spar. They hug each other through nightmares and panic attacks. There is much blushing. There is much cuddling.

Once, they kiss.

They break apart, flushing and stammering and being very awkward about the whole thing, and make excuses to leave and panic about the fact that they!! Kissed!!!!!

A couple hours later they find each other again, and have a long and complicated discussion about why they like each other (war makes bedfellows, there's trust and affection and all that fun stuff) and why they're hesitant (age stuff, maturity stuff, prior indoctrination), and make the decision to take it slow. They cuddle, and kiss, and blush a lot because both of them are basically just dumb teens having their first real relationship.

They eventually leave the planet, make it to Coruscant, etc. It takes a bit for anyone except Obi-Wan to realize that something's changed between them. Most people didn't know them before, and Anakin's observation skills are currently at a very low ebb. But they sit together and hold hands, and flirt when they spar, and once or twice people find them kissing (both standard and Keldabe) in a corner while holding hands and then just smiling at each other like loons.

They end up rooming together because nobody has the heart to separate them after hearing about all the war stuff. Like yes attachment's bad, but these two do seem to understand loss of loved ones and recognize that they could lose each other at any time and death is natural and they won't lose their entire shit about it, and if even General Kenobi is anxious as hell about being separated from the people he fought side-by-side with for two years, then maybe it's just... really normal for those two to want each other's company, and everyone can just turn a blind eye to the romance happening.

They share a bed, but they only ever sleep in it. Like, there's some goodnight kisses and cuddles, but everything is very G-rated until they've had time to settle into being true equals instead of just the "well, I guess the power dynamics balance out? Maybe?" of before.

And just... yeah. Rex does not believe that he's in this good of a position whenever he has the time to think about it. He's got a girlfriend! A really pretty, smart, strong, skilled one! Who thinks he's a cool dude! How the fuck did a clone like him manage that? He wasn't even legally a person a year ago, how did he end up in bed with one of the most amazing people he's ever met? He spends multiple nights just staring at her while he tries to fall asleep, asking himself how he got here and just like... marveling at her. She's worth marveling at. He's in love and she's amazing and he has no idea how to handle it at all.

...yeah no I have a lot of feelings now.

[sunmoonandeddie]

feelings are fatal (23/24)

pairing: bucky barnes x reader, past steve rogers x reader

word count: 3,018

summary: After the events of Endgame, you struggle to come to terms with what you’ve lost, though you’re learning that you still have something to gain.

chapter warnings: swearing, violence, funeral

masterlist

a/n: this little chapter drop!!!

The funeral was three days later.

You’d taken it upon yourself to stay in the Stark cabin, licking your wounds and mourning the loss of the man you’d spent almost a decade of your life with. You’d mourned losing him before, but this was different.

This was permanent.

There’d be no more chances to go see him in Buffalo. There’d be no more watching him paint in his home studio, seeing the life he built for himself.

You hadn’t seen Bucky since you left the hospital.

You had walked out of Steve’s room, tears rolling down your cheeks. It felt like a death march as you had to face his family, had to face Peggy, the daughter that was named after you. “He’s gone,” you’d said, hands trembling. “I…”

“Oh, honey,” Peggy had whispered, moving to hug you as her own pain welled up in her eyes.

“I have to go,” you had insisted as you quickly slipped out of her grasp, speeding down the hall. You’d left the members of your little family in the waiting room, knowing that they’d gotten to talk to him before he’d passed but still feeling so guilty because you were the last one he’d seen. The last one he’d talked to.

You hadn’t even stopped when Bucky and Wanda had called out your name. You had the car keys in your hand, since he’d given them to you at some point in the blur of the day.

You’d left him there.

The pain was unbearable.

You’d spent the past three days at the bottom of a bottle, blasting all the playlists that Tony had saved. At some point, it had switched to a playlist full of old jazz music from the forties.

You’d thrown the bottle against the wall and watched it shatter.

Sweeping it up while absolutely plastered had been… an adventure. You had the bandages on your feet to prove it.

But you’d gotten it all swept up and into the trash before moving onto the next bottle.

You’d turned off your phone after the fourth phone call and the eighteenth text.

But Bucky didn’t show up. He didn’t come banging on your door like you hoped he would, swooping in and kissing you like the prince in a fairytale.

It was monumentally disappointing.

When you arrived at the funeral, you’d thrown the car into park and then sat in the lot outside for at least forty-five minutes. You’d shown up early entirely because you knew that you’d need time to gather the courage to go inside.

You’d had to order a black dress and heels with express shipping, since you hadn’t exactly thought to pack them when you and Bucky had gone on your little vacation and you didn’t really feel like going out to go shopping.

Your mistake.

It had taken a lot of effort to actually shower and do your hair and makeup. Your ankles felt like they’d give out any moment as you slammed the car door shut and headed inside.

“Hello.”

You almost tripped over your own feet as you heard a feminine voice call out to you. “H-Hi,” you said as you finally came face to face with the woman who had your name. “I’m—”

“I know,” she said, before getting a weak laugh. “Me, too. I’ve heard so much about you. My dad… uh… He really, really loved you.”

“Thank you,” you said, voice a little stiff. You hadn’t done much talking the past few days, unless screaming out lyrics counted.

Yeah, it counted.

Sorta.

“Um… H-How is Peggy—I mean, your mom—doing?”

“She’s handling it about as can be expected,” she said with a smile as she glanced to where the Brit in question was. It was strange, seeing the woman that was named after you. She was older than you by a few years, and had a few gray hairs. But she looked so much like the perfect mix of Steve and Peggy… “But dad was getting up there… more so than any other man. They both knew it was coming. I just don’t know if mom will be able to hold on without him much longer.”

Great. Because that’s exactly what you wanted to hear.

“Here, let me introduce my siblings!” She said, calling them over before you could say no.

By the time the actual service started, you’d met far more Rogerses than you had ever wanted to.

It was exhausting. They were all so… kind. Despite everything, despite the fact that you were literally their father’s ex girlfriend, despite the fact that you were the last person their father spoke to before he died, and not his wife.

“My husband, Steve, has always been what his best friend called him. A punk,” Peggy said as she stood up before everyone, letting out a weak laugh as she glanced back at the open casket. “But he was so many things. Brave. Outspoken. Generous. Stubborn…”

Your eyes stayed on her, even though you stopped hearing what she was saying. You didn’t have the energy to listen to a eulogy.

That is, until she said your name.

“Huh?” You said, suddenly on high alert. Some part of you was aware that your team was sitting in the front row, including Bucky. You’d been too busy speaking with Steve’s children to talk to them, not that you minded that. You weren’t sure if you were ready to face them.

“Would you please come up and say a few words?” Peggy asked gently, getting down and holding out her hand to you.

“I…” Fuck. You couldn’t say no. It was a god damn funeral. “Okay,” you said after a long moment, placing your hand in Peggy’s and letting her lead you up to the podium. The sea of people staring at you made your blood run cold, your hands trembling as you gripped the wood. “Um… H-Hi…” You introduced yourself, you voice cracking. “I’ve known Steve… since I was eighteen years old. And we were together for almost a decade.” You snorted, shaking your head as you glanced back at the casket, your heart stopping for a moment when your eyes rested on his face. “I know… most of you are probably wondering why the hell I’m up here. Why the hell anyone would want their husband’s ex girlfriend speaking at their funeral, but uh… Steve helped make me the person I am today.” Your heart was hammering inside of your chest, threatening to break your ribs. “He taught me when to push myself, how to trust my instincts.” Also all things that Bucky taught you. You could feel his seafoam blue gaze on you, pinning you in place. “I know it’s cheesy… But he taught me what it means to do the right thing, even when it means standing up to someone you love and telling them so. He taught me how to keep going even when my world was crumbling.” Your heart was shattering as your eyes met Bucky’s. “He taught me to chase after what I want the most in the world, and to accept nothing but the best.” Tears were starting to roll down your cheeks. “Steve was a bright light in the world, even when he was in his darkest moments.” You gave a watery smile, your hands clammy. “Steve was not the shield, and those of us who knew him personally know that. The shield was Steve. He made it into the symbol that it is. A symbol of what every person can be, what they should be. What we should all aspire to be.” Your throat was starting to close up. “But he was showing us that even before the serum, wasn’t he? Because it doesn’t matter how small you are, or where you come from. You can make the choice everyday to make the world a little better.” Sniffling, you swallowed around the lump in his throat. “And I know I’m rambling, but I really didn’t expect to be speaking here today, so please forgive me, but I just… I never thought he’d die like this. There were hundreds of missions where I thought… this is it. This is where I lose him. I always knew he’d fight until he couldn’t anymore. The fact that he got the honor of passing like he did… what feels like a million years old and surrounded by his loved ones in a hospital… just like any other man… I can’t think of a better happy ending for him.” You took a deep breath. “But there’s someone who should be up here more than me. Someone who knew him from the beginning. From playground to battlefield and beyond, right?”

Bucky’s entire body was trembling as he slowly got to his feet and walked up to the podium. But before you could leave, his hand slipped into yours and squeezed, a silent question being asked.

Stay?

And how could he ever think you’d leave him?

You squeezed his hand back, staying by his side as he slowly started to speak. He spoke about the first time they met, all the fights he broke up.

Until the end of the line.

You guessed it really was the end. The grand finale of a life that wasn’t always easy, but was always worth it.

Watching Steve’s casket being lowered into the ground felt like a hallucination. How could it possibly be real?

The feeling that you’d gotten in the hospital was washing back over you like a tsunami. The overwhelming feeling of despair, of disbelief.

Of anger.

You wanted more time. There wasn’t ever enough time and now he was gone.

You slipped away after the funeral ended, getting into your car and just… driving. You knew you’d eventually make it back to the cabin, but you needed to roll the windows down and just feel the icy cold wind in your hair, on your skin.

Making you feel alive.

When you got back to the cabin, the sun had set, stars twinkling overhead in a brilliance you’d never see in the city.

You held your heels in your hand as you stumbled into the house, tossing them to the side as you headed for the kitchen. “FRIDAY, put on some music,” you said quietly.

“What playlist would you like?”

“Read the room, Fri,” you said simply, sighing as you grabbed a bottle of wine from the kitchen. She started to play music throughout the house, and you bit your lip as she started to play a blend of your favorites. Mostly Black Pumas and The Teskey Brothers. “Fri, can you turn on the fireplace?”

Warm light filled the living room and kitchen, flickering softly.

You didn’t bother changing as you collapsed onto the fur rug with just your wine and your bottle opener. “Dumb… cork…,” you huffed as you worked to get it open.

You were about halfway through the bottle when you heard a car pull up, followed by the slam of the door. Your mind was fuzzy as you watched the front door open and Bucky walk in. “Hi.”

He stopped in the entryway, still wearing the all black suit he’d donned at the funeral. “Hey,” he breathed out. He couldn’t help but snort as he saw the bottle of wine in your hands. “Yeah… It has been that kind of day, huh?”

When you held it out to him, you couldn’t tear your eyes away as you watched his pink lips wrap around the bottle and he took a swig.

Fuck, you had it so bad.

“How are you feeling?” You asked as you watched him stand by the end of the sofa. “It’s been… a rough day.”

“I’ve been better,” he said simply as he took another drink. “But I know I’ll feel better once you and I are speaking again.”

Your heart squeezed inside your chest as your eyes met, your cheeks flushing. “Right… I… I think we were both… frazzled… But I’m so sorry.”

Pain and Misery by The Teskey Brothers started to play over the stereo, filling the house with soothing R&B. It was one of your favorite songs in the whole entire world.

“I've been in love, honey, you know it's true… Was since that day I first laid my eyes on you…”

“Malen’kaya,” he said as he set the bottle on the coffee table, holding out his hand to you. “You have nothing to be sorry for. Could you forgive me for how I acted?”

“Love is a crazy game, baby… It's how I feel… It makes you oh, so high, but it takes so long to heal…”

You nodded after a long moment, slipping your hand into his and squeezing as he tugged you to your feet. “I can. I do,” you said, the wine making your head fill with bubbles.

“So, please, yeah, yeah… Won't you stay with me? 'Cause since you gone, it's all pain and misery. Honey, please, yeah, yeah… Won't you stay with me? 'Cause since you gone it's pain and misery…”

Something inside of you clicked back into place as he pulled you close to his chest, the two of you immediately starting to sway. Falling back into step with him was as easy as breathing, you were finding.

Perhaps even easier.

“Sometimes I curse that day of when you came along… I was happy but it's been pain now for so very long… Oh, I'm begging you, honey… Please, won't you stay? 'Cause I been so lonely since you gone away…”

“I don’t like not talking to you,” he said quietly, his lips pressing to your forehead. “Feels so wrong… Like I can’t breathe.”

Funny how you’d just had almost the same thought.

“Everyday is pain… In the end, it's hard to see… Every fateful day is oh, so sad, now that I've lost the best friend that I ever had…”

He was so warm, so comforting. Like a teddy bear.

“I don’t like not talking to you either,” you admitted as you nuzzled closer to him, breathing in the musky scent of his cologne. It was intoxicating. “Can we please never do it again?”

“Honey, please, won't you stay with me? 'Cause since you gone it's all pain and misery…”

He grinned against your forehead, his hand moving from your hip as he slid his arm around your waist to pull you even closer. “I think that can be arranged.”

“Honey, please, whoa please, won't you stay with me? 'Cause since you gone it's pain and misery…”

“Jamie…,” you whispered, your voice cracking as you tried to gather the words you wanted to say.

“Yeah, sweetheart?” He asked, resting his head against yours.

“Hey, I'm begging you, honey… Whoa… I want you to love me… Yeah, I want you to love me… I need you so bad…”

“What does this mean?” You asked as the song ended and it shifted to another. “For us, I mean?” You were starting to panic, anxiety welling up in your chest and causing you to word vomit. “Because I can’t do this back and forth, I can’t. I won’t. I won’t survive it. I can’t keep pretending like we’re just friends and that the way you make me feel doesn’t make me… doesn’t make me…”

“Doesn’t make you what?” He asked quietly, not letting you move away from his secure embrace. “Please… Because I can’t keep acting as though you’re not my everything.” He held the back of your head, his fingers gently massaging your scalp. “Please… Please, tell me you love me. Because I…” He rested his forehead against yours, a tear rolling down his cheek. “The love I have for you has rewritten every piece of DNA in my body,” he said. “It’s in my blood, my bones… You are written in my heart, and I wouldn’t change it for the world. And…” He swallowed thickly, his Adam’s apple bobbing. “And if you don’t love me the way I love you, that’s just fine. As long as I have you in my life… I’ll be whatever you need.”

“Jamie…,” you said with a weak laugh. You were openly crying, though you weren’t sure when you had started. “Oh, Jamie… Do you really think I could ever not love you?” Your nose nudged against his as you wrapped both of your arms around his neck. “If you don’t kiss me, we’re gonna have a fight.”

The smile that split open his face was blinding. The kiss he planted upon your lips was absolutely filthy. A mess of teeth and tongue and grins and giggles, a tangle of feelings pent up for so long that you were sure you’d never get them all out. You’d spend the rest of your life unraveling all the ways he made you feel, and you’d do it with a smile.

“I love you. I love you so fucking much,” you said as you pressed yourself against him. “I never wanna be without you ever again.”

“You never have to,” he breathed out as he nipped at your lower lip. Without further ado, he reached down and slipped his arm under your thighs. You let out a squeak as he scooped you up, carrying you bridal style up the stairs. “I’m gonna love you so good,” he said with a growl.

You almost hit your head on the door frame as he carried you into the guest bedroom you two were occupying, squealing as he tossed you onto the bed. “Jamie!”

“Yes, malen’kaya?” He asked as he shoved off his suit jacket, toeing off his dress shoes at the same time.

“Nothing,” you said, giggling as you started to strip down, too. “Nothing at all.”

When you two finally finished hours later, the wine had worn off, and he was asleep. You’d curled up on top of his chest, his cool vibranium hand resting on the small of your back, helping you cool off.

“Jamie?” You murmured, testing if he was asleep. When he grunted, you smiled, intertwining your fingers with his flesh hand. “I love you…”

“I love you more, baby.”

[bokettochild]

Hmmm if you need ideas I always love cultural difference shenanigans so maybe Twilight and Hyrule or Warriors and Hyrule having jarringly different cultures?

I didn't really touch on cultures much, since I'm still learning a lot about the games in general, but here's three boys discussing the educational systems of their respective provinces!

(Asks are open still, if anyone wants a story, feel free to request it! I will try my best! (Crossovers aren't off the table, but I can't promise I'll write them))

From Ordon to Catalia

“So, you’re telling me,” Warriors states disbelievingly. “That you, the Hero of Hyrule, couldn’t even speak Hylian until mere months before you saved the kingdom?”

The traveler nods, a faint flush dusting over his browned cheeks at Warriors’ question.

Twilight shakes his head, a smile on his face. “Who’da thunk it? Chin up traveler, I didn’t even live in Hyrule when I saved it.”

“What?” Warriors turns to him, royal blue flickering with disbelief as he stares from one country hero to the other. “Seriously? Both of you?”

“Well,” Hyrule tugs at one of his curls, eyes glistening with mischief as he speaks. “I mean, Legend saved like, four other countries, and he wasn’t from any of them.”

“But the first country he saved was Hyrule.” Warriors asserts. “And at least he was sent to the other places or something, unlike you two.” The captain stares from one to the other. “Traveling through the kingdom and just happening to run into the Royal Nursemaid?” He turns to Twilight, disbelief still written clear on his face. “And chasing monsters, if I recall correctly. What the heck, guys?”

He can’t help but take a bit of pity on Warriors, the captain has only ever been outside of his Hyrule’s main areas when time traveling, and the poor man clearly has little to no familiarity with the provinces and kingdoms beyond his own home, save for whatever rich and stuffy nobles talk about when royalty from the other kingdoms comes to visit. But even so, Wars lacks the faintest clue of the world outside of Hyrule’s borders, and that's just a little bit sad.

He leans back on the bed that he and Hyrule are sharing, it’s been a few weeks since they were last at an inn and he fully intends on enjoying the plush beds while they can, even if it is a bit too soft for his own comfort. “We could tell you more about them, if you like?”

At his side, Hyrule nods, smile bright if not a bit wistful. “I’m always willing to share about my home.”

Warriors hesitates, caught between disbelief and curiosity.

“I don’t think even Legend has been to Catalia.” Hyrule muses, but Twilight sees the sparkle in Hyrule’s eyes, he’s tempting the captain in a way the both of them know is sure to work.

“That so?” Warriors muses. “Well, I suppose so. Although,” He turns a cynical eye to Twilight. “I’m not sure how much I actually want to know about farm life.”

“Your loss, city boy.” He scoffs in response, a wolfish smile pulling at his features.

It’s nice, he thinks as he leans back further, letting Hyrule pull his thoughts together and Warriors shake off the surprise of their previous words, to just sit and talk with his brothers. Time and Legend have roomed with Wild so he doesn’t have to worry about the Cub making trouble without him there to watch him, and for the first time in a long tie he can just sit down and talk with his other brothers. He doesn’t know why Time let Four assign rooms like this, but he isn’t complaining if the others aren’t.

“Well, what would you like to hear about?”

Warriors frowns, staring at Hyrule for a moment as the Traveler flushes darker under his curls. Maybe the healer wasn’t as ready to talk as he first thought. “How about, your family, what sort of people are they?”

Hyrule stares at the captain disbelievingly for a moment. “You’ve met my mom, remember? And I don’t really remember much of my dad, he went missing when I was a kid.”

“Oh,” Warriors flushes, a strained smile taking over his features. “Right.”

Hyrule giggles softly. “I’m not mad, Cap, just surprised that you forgot. Although to be fair, not many people probably think about it since I look like a Hylian.”

“Yeah, about that, how does that work?”

“Hylian father, I look more like him in this form. We may be from Catalia, but he was there entirely because he was fleeing the destruction of Hyrule. He met my mom in the Aver Forests, where she’d been wandering for the last few years. Great fairies can leave their pools if they so choose, but they do so rarely. Unfortunately, mom had too because of the increase of monsters in Hyrule.”

“What is the Aver Forest?”

“The biggest, lushest forest in all of Catalia!” Hyrule spread his arms wide as if to indicate how big it truly was. “I’m pretty sure it’s just the other side of the lost woods in my time, since it’s so close to the border. It nothing like Hyrule, but it is, was, home.”

“So, did yer ma follow you to Hyrule?”

“Not exactly.” The traveler replies with a small frown. “She came after Hyrule was made safer again. I can’t exactly leave the country freely anymore, so she came to see me. It’s a good thing too, since getting potions is far more difficult than just bathing in her pool.”

“Are potions really that expensive in your time?” Warriors asks, concern flecking his gentle gaze.

“It’s not about the price,” Hyrule frowns. “It’s more that most people don’t know how to brew them, and finding a person who can is difficult.”

“Ah, supply and demand.”

“Pardon, what?” The traveler looks up to the captain in confusion.

“Supply and demand, you know,” Wars states like it’s common knowledge. “When lots of people want something but only a few people can provide it? It’s the reason shops can get away with charging so much for things.”

Both country heroes stare at him.

“Have neither of you ever heard of it?” The captain blinks at them, leaning forwards on his bed. “How is that possible?”

“Not all provinces have a school, Wars.” He replies, chuckling softly at the surprise on Warriors’ face. “For farming communities we focus on animals and plants, don’t need no fancy education to plow a field.”

Hyrule stares between the two of them. “Alright, this might be a Hylian word I haven’t learned yet, but what is a scewl?”

“A what?” Warriors echoes, turning to face the traveler.

“A scewl?”

“A school?” Twilight translates, brow furrowed until the Hero of Hyrule nods in confirmation, after which he relaxes again. “It's a place people go to learn to read and write, and to count and do equations.”

“And here I thought there weren’t any in Ordon?” Warriors teases lightly.

“Get off it, Cap’. We don’t have schools, but we do have books, I know how to read and if I can learn more than I will.”

“Ah, self-taught?”

“Mostly.” He shrugs. “Hylian’s real different from Ordon-Standard, even if they’re essentially the same.”

“That makes no sense.” The captain deadpans, staring at him blankly.

“I mean, even though they have a lot in common, the way people speak and pronounce things, the vernacular and what not, is quite different that Hyrule proper.”

Hyrule blinks at the two of them owlishly. “What are equations?”

A glance is shared between them. “Math.” Warriors answers. “You know, adding, subtraction, multiplication and division?”

The traveler raises a brow, but he's shrinking in on himself in the way he does when he gets nervous. “What are those? Multipulycation and division?”

Warriors stares cautiously at the traveler, gaze gentle but concerned. “Hyrule, do you not know how to do math?”

“Do you know how to count?” Twilight tries instead.

“Of course!”

“Can you combine numbers?”

“That’s counting, but with bigger numbers.”

“Can you subtract it again?”

“Yes.” Hyrule answers slowly.

“Can you multiply?”

The traveler stares at Warriors nervously. “I just told you I don’t know what that is.”

The captain, bless his heart, looks genuinely hurt. “Good grief, what sort of mentor is Legend? Not making sure you know basic multiplication?”

And Hyrule flushes, but his brows furrow as he pushes himself straight, always defensive of his mentor. “He didn’t know, and he’s a great mentor! He’s been showing me how to grow trees!”

“Legend knows forestry?” The captain starts.

“He has an orchard.” Twilight reminds him, light laughter bubbling in his chest at the understanding that crosses Warriors’ face at the words.

“Right.” The captain turns to Hyrule. “How about this, Legend can teach whatever it is he teaches you, but when he’s done with that for the day, you come find me? Math is a wonderful thing, even if it is a tad complex, and it'd be a shame to let you go without knowing it.”

Betrayal makes itself known as Twilight pulls away from the two. “You like math?”

Horror blooms on Warriors’ delicate features. “You don’t?”

“Arithmetic is the bane of my existence and if I didn’t need to know how to count rupees, I would willingly forget it.” Twilight spits out.

“It’s wonderful!” Warriors defends. “Everything makes sense and has a logical explanation! You can count on it having an answer every time.”

One dark brow raises as midnight blue stare back at the captain, unimpressed. “Except when it doesn’t. Except when you have to graph equations but you can’t because they don’t have answers. Except when there’s two missing numbers and nothing fits in together, except when the numbers decide to become letters and you have to spit up the alphabet along with your equations.”

“How much math do you know?” Warriors raises a brow.

“Too much.” He isn’t even ashamed of the shudder that makes his pelt tickle against his cheeks. “Wild is a literal genius at it, and I can’t even number how many time he's decided to use it to explain some hare-brained scheme. Trajectory and angles and-” He shivers again. “No thank you. It’s like he ate a math textbook and just keeps spitting it back up, every time he wants to do something dumb.”

The captain whistles lowly, royal blue eyes sparkling. “You mean he has theories and reasoning behind all that? Dang!”

The glare shot the captain’s way is nothing short of threatening. “Do not encourage him, or so help me, Wars. I can hardly contain him some days as is, he doesn’t need someone else egging him on.”

“Oh, trust me,” Gloved hands raise in a non-threatening motion. “I just want to pic his brain, maybe he can help me tutor the traveler here.”

And Twilight almost asks him not too, almost begs that the captain not, before realization hits. “You know, that is actually a good idea.” He smirks. “I’m surprised.”

The deadpan look he receives is well worth it. “You wound me.”

“Were your skin not so delicate, I wouldn’t.” He returns, smile stretching wider. “But that aside, if Wild is busy tutoring Hyrule, he won’t be off blowing things up, and if Hyrule gets a better education out of it that's even better.”

“I’ll ask him about it.” Hyrule answers, eyes lighting up in a way that looks innocent, but considering the kid is Legend’s descendant there’s a very good chance that it isn’t fully. “Maybe he can teach me some tricks while he’s at it.”

“No!” The voices ring at once, but it’s already too late, Hyrule is tapping his chin and muttering low under his breath as a wide smile stretches over his face.

“What have you started.” Twilight whispers, horrified.

“I’m sorry.” Warriors returns, just as grim. “I won’t tell Legend if you don’t.”

[fakeikemen]

Katara's Grief

(This is my first attempt at a meta post and I know that this has probably been already done but I just needed to get it off my chest and go on a little rant and it kinda got long so bear with me.)

A lot of the hate on Katara stems from the fact that she keeps on mentioning her mother's death at every chance she gets and invalidates other people's pain to assert that her suffering is the worst of the lot.

And even though everybody is entitled to their own opinions, I'm gonna point out why I think the aforesaid claims are not exactly correct.

First we'll take a look at; Katara's Backstory:

We know that Kya is killed in a fire nation raid and that Katara had been the last person to see her alive before she leaves the tent on her mother's insistence. Only to come back a few moments later and find her dead body. This, in itself is a traumatising event.

So yes, her mother died. Other people in the story go through far worse. You're not wrong when you say that.

But what is more important in Katara's story is the aftermath of her mother's death.

As Sokka says while talking to Toph in "The Runaway" in B3 Ep7:

Sokka: When our mom died, that was the hardest time in my life. Our family was a mess, but Katara? She had so much strength. She stepped up and took on so much responsibility. She helped fill the void that was left by our mom.

As an eight year old, she had to force herself to grow up to step into her mother's shoes and raise herself and her elder brother and simultaneously look after the entire village after her father left to fight in the war. She had to do all of it by herself.

In face of all her responsibilities, she never really had the chance to simply be a grieving child lamenting the loss of her mother. She habituated herself to caring more about others than herself (We see this trait in the entire series as she acts as the stand-in mom friend for the entire Gaang with an exception of Suki and Zuko). She ended up bottling her feelings of grief, resentment, guilt and rage deep within herself.

She had to give up an extensive part of her childhood where most children focus on figuring themselves out, to become a mature and responsible person who was working as the immovable pillar holding up the family and even the whole village not much later.

She put up a strong front to help others and pretended to be fine even though she was hurting inside the whole time.

She could never find any closure from the situation. She never got over it.

Moving on to the criticisms:

1. Katara keeps on mentioning her mother like a broken record:

Here are the number of times Katara mentions her mother's death (not sure if that's all of it, lmk if there are any others):

1. In her first scene with Sokka

Katara: Ever since mom died, I've been doing all the work around camp while you've been off playing soldier!

2. A short while after she meets Aang

Katara: Well, I just want you to be prepared for what you might see. The Fire Nation is ruthless. They killed my mother, and they could have done the same to your people.

3. A short while after she meets Haru

Katara: I lost my mother in a Fire Nation raid. This necklace is all I have left of her.

4. A short while after she meets Jet

Katara: Sokka and I lost our mother to the Fire Nation.

5. In the swamp after she sees a vision of her mother

Katara: I thought I saw Mom.

6. In the Crystal Catacombs with Zuko

Katara: I don't? How dare you! You have no idea what this war has put me through! Me personally! The Fire Nation took my mother away from me.

7. A short while after she meets Hama

Katara: We completely understand. We lost our mother in a raid.

8. Repeated mentions in The Southern Raiders episode

(Most of the episode basically)

The first mention with Sokka is in the middle of a siblings' spat where she tells off Sokka for trying to act as if he were superior when it was obvious that in the face of the gaping hole that was left by Kya's sudden death, Katara had shouldered much more responsibility.

When she tells it to Aang, she uses it as a proof that the Fire Nation is capable of immense cruelty and destruction.

The Gaang travel all around the world and meet different people affected by the war in different ways. So when Haru, Jet and Hama narrate their own stories, Katara sympathises with them and talks about Kya's death in lieu of "I understand, the Fire Nation hurt me too."

After they got separated, Aang, Sokka and Katara each had their visions and after they get back together, they all mention their visions and so does Katara.

When left alone in catacombs with Zuko, whom she considered as the face of the Fire Nation— the same Fire Nation that had her mother killed and forced her father to leave to fight in the war, she has a meltdown where she rightfully accuses him of all the bad things he's done and then breaks down while talking about how the war has cost her i.e., by causing her mother's death.

The Southern Raiders is the episode where Katara hunts down the man responsible for her mother's death. If you think mentioning Kya repeatedly in this episode is uncalled for, then I don't know what to tell you.

In all the incidents mentioned above, Katara mentioning her mother's death is a very natural occurrence is the respective conversations. She mostly talks about Kya's death to either extend her sympathy or to use it as an example of the ruthlessness of the Fire Nation.

Another fact to be noted is that 70% of the Gaang's storyline is followed via Katara from a narrative point of view. Plus, being the mom-friend, she acts as the spokesperson. Considering that Kya's death is a major event that played a huge role in shaping Katara's life and is also the source of her severe, unresolved trauma, which acts as the driving force of her story, it is only natural that she brings up this topic whenever she is engaging in a deeper conversation.

It is us as the viewers who have seen her from the start and already know about her mother's death and we see her talking to multiple people about it. Which is why it might come across as repetitive to some people.

While, Kya's death is not necessary information that everyone needs to know, Katara talking about it never comes across as a forced or unnatural.

2. Katara invalidates others' pain because she thinks she has suffered the most:

First of all, if anything, Katara is the most empathetic person of them all. As the mom-friend of the group, not only is she their constant moral support, she also helps them untangle and sort out their own feelings. She is also able to tap into issues that aren't said out loud.

Instances of Katara helping and supporting Aang, emotionally are uncountable.

She is the first one to notice Sokka's sour mood in B3 Ep4 "Sokka's Master". And even though his insecurities seem baseless, she validates him (by saying "I'm sorry you're feeling so down" instead of something like "That's a dumb thing to say") and knows exactly what to do to cheer him up.

In B3 Ep7 "The Runaway" she has the insight to understand that Toph's unruly behaviour is caused by the mixed feelings she has about her parents even though Toph's herself never talked about it.

She even reaches out to Zuko in B2 Ep19 "Crossroads of Destiny" even though she used to think of him as the face of the enemy.

But then there's The Southern Raiders.

Ah yes, that episode where Katara is extremely OOC and a total b*tch.

Agreed that she said some things that she definitely shouldn't have said. But like, she's just 14?? And has been hurting on the inside since she was 8?? And pretended to be fine just for the sake of other people?? Like, there's a limit to how much she can have her shit under control?? And she did a real good job of Sokka's upbringing and taking care of the village and taking care of Gaang on her own?? Some people out there are really willing to forget everything she has ever done just because she was mean for 5 minutes?? A traumatised 14 yo shouldn't be villianised and called toxic because she got mad and lashed out at people that one time??

But here's my take on the scene anyway:

When Aang gets to know that she's going to go face her mother's killer:

Aang: Um ... and what exactly do you think this will accomplish?

Katara: I knew you wouldn't understand. 

Aang is a non-confrontational person who prefers running away from difficult situations as opposed to Katara who firmly stands her ground and is never afraid of confrontations. Katara had approached Aang only hoping that he would understand. But going by his dismissal, he obviously doesn't understand the burning need that she has to confront the man who had single-handedly destroyed her childhood. (Most people infer that what Katara means is that she thinks that Aang doesn't understand the pain of losing people. And so does Aang, I guess)

But things start getting even more tricky when:

Aang: Katara, you sound like Jet.

In all honesty, this is probably the most insensitive thing that she could've heard from anyone right then, let alone one of her closest friends. Hearing herself being compared to a homicidal maniac just because she wants to avenge her mother's killer. (No, I'm not justifying murder but there's a clear difference between homicide and avenging someone's death. And Aang may not be my favourite character but I do love him but this wasn't really a good thing to say either. And he wasn't even mentally distressed in the very least to be completely lacking tact or a filter.)

And then the situation escalates:

Sokka: Katara, she was my mother, too, but I think Aang might be right.

Katara: Then you didn't love her the way I did!

After 6 long years of Katara bottling in her dark feelings and letting them fester inside herself, she is finally letting them out and the first things she faces in a span of few minutes are outright rejection, invalidation of her feelings, comparison to a homicidal maniac and nothing akin to the unconditional support that she has provided to everybody. Her own brother tells her that he is siding with the boy who just compared her to a homicidal maniac.

Yes, accusing your own brother of not loving your mother enough is a very cruel thing to do. But both Sokka and Katara know that she doesn't entirely mean it.

But also, there is one very important factor in here:

In B3 Ep7 "The Runaway", Sokka says to Toph:

Sokka: I'm gonna tell you something crazy. I never told anyone this before, but honestly? I'm not sure I can remember what my mother looked like. It really seems like my whole life, Katara's been the one looking out for me. She's always been the one that's there. And now, when I try to remember my mom, Katara's is the only face I can picture. 

Katara overhears this conversation just as Sokka had meant her to.

This dialogue lets us know that Sokka's coping mechanism has made him suppress all memories of Kya and replace them with memories of Katara in order to attain a semblance of normalcy.

Both Katara and Sokka had very different ways of coping with Kya's death. Katara pressed down her feelings and tried her best to pretend to ignore them while Sokka partially succeeded in forgetting her.

When Katara first hears these words she is shown to be crying. But if she were to remember these very words while she was justifying herself infront of her own brother and a close friend for wanting to avenge her mother, it would've had a negative impact on her.

In her rage, she would've thought: "Of course he doesn't want to avenge mom. Because he doesn't think it's worth it and that's because he doesn't even remember enough of her to be mad about her death."

And for someone who has spent each day of the last 6 years trying to fill in the shoes of her mother and experiencing her absence everyday, the idea of forgetting her mother is a ridiculous concept to her.

Her thoughts would have quickly derailed to: "He didn't love her enough to remember her."

In light of these thoughts, saying "Then you didn't love her the way I did" doesn't feel out of the blue.

No, I am definitely not justifying what she said, I'm just laying out a possible explanation to why she said what she said.

Yes, she should've apologized to Sokka for this and I think that they definitely should've had a long conversation about their mother's death and how it affected them. Between Katara supressing her feelings and Sokka supressing his memories, i don't think they ever had this conversation.

But sadly we are given neither of these scenes.

Tl;dr: Everytime Katara mentions her mother, it's with good reason and I don't think it's fair to call a character toxic when they lack a mind to mouth filter for 5 minutes and say some mean things. And considering all that Katara has done for everybody, it isn't fair at all.

Peace out!

[stressy-enby]

The Four Times Katsuki Bakugo Wanted to Kiss Eijiro Kirishima and the One Time he Did

If any of you remember that Kiribaku hate anon from a few weeks ago, I should tell you that the idea for this story was born in the middle of that incident, because I’m petty as hell.

Warnings: Some angst, swearing, mentions of panic attacks and self loathing

Masterlist

1

“C’mon!” Kirishima roared, hand outstretched. Without hesitation, Katsuki created a blast under him, propelling him across the sky.

He grabbed Kirishima’s hand, grinning like a maniac. “You idiots!”

Kirishima grinned back.

It was over in an instant. A few more words were exchanged, but Katsuki was on autopilot. He glanced back behind him, watching the villains shrink away until they were unseen. He was out. He was safe. Before he knew it, the groud was under his feet again. He wobbled a little, straightening up. Deku called someone, Todoroki it sounded like as the group merged with Kamino Ward’s massive crowd.

Kirishima dropped Katsuki’s hand, and he felt something odd prickle in his gut. He stared hard at the red-head, who was still smiling like nothing was wrong in the world.

“What the hell are you grinning for?” Katsuki snapped. “You look like a moron.”

“We got you back, I’m happy!” Kirishima exclaimed, his smile turning teasing. “And don’t think I didn’t see you smiling earlier, Bakugo.”

“Tch. I was just glad to be out of there.” Katsuki shook his head. “But I guess seeing your stupid face is better than seeing those villains.” He added after an afterthought.

“Hey, I’ll take it!” Kirishima laughed. The sound was scraggly, as if he hadn’t laughed in days. Katsuki figured there hadn’t been much reason to laugh, but the broken noise still made his head spin.

…What?

He scowled, and looked pointedly at the ground, hoping it would signal the end of the conversation. It didn’t stop him from still thinking about that bright smile. It didn’t stop him from hearing that bittersweet laugh.

Stop that. What the hell is wrong with you?

Katsuki allowed himself a glance back up at Kirishima, who was saying something to Iida. His hands gestured as he spoke, and Katsuki realized that he could still feel his phantom touch in his hand.

No, that’s not a thing. No you can’t. Shut the fuck up. He scolded himself. This was getting absurd.

Though his brain screamed at him to stop, Katsuki still couldn’t bring himself to look away from the boy. Kirishima finally noticed him staring. 

“You’re okay, right? They didn’t hurt you or anything, did they?” He pursed his lips, brow creasing in concern.

“No. I was handling it.”

“If you say so, man. Just glad to have you back.”

Thank you.

The words bubbled in the back of his throat, but he couldn’t find it in himself to say them. His pride wouldn’t let them. Kirishima’s dumb face, written all over in unnecessary worry made it hard for him to say anything.

“Oh,” Iida gasped, hand clasped over his mouth.

Katsuki’s eyes ripped from Kirishima to see what had startled the class rep. On the large TV mounted into one of Kamino’s tall buildings was live footage of the scene he’d just escaped from. The League of Villains were gone, but the Boss Villain in all black still stood there. And there was All Might.

Suddenly Katsuki’s odd feelings became the least of his concern.

. . .

2

Kirishima was late.

Katsuki slammed his hand on his desk, an irritated growl passing his lips. He crossed the room, and banged on the wall connecting their dorms. “Shitty Hair, hurry your ass up!”

There was a muffled response. Katsuki sighed heavily, shoving his way out of his room to see what the deal was.

“OI! Kirishima! What the hell are you doing in there?” He knocked loudly on his door. “I thought you wanted to do homework together.”

Kirishima’s nervous voice floated through the wooden barrier. “Uh, sorry, Bakugo! Something-uh-”

I can’t deal with this.

With another annoyed noise, Katsuki barged in without any other warning. “You’d better have a good-”

Red. There was red all over the floor. It was mostly in the little bathroom off to the side, but a little of the bright sticky substance had spilled into the main room. Kirishima sat cross-legged on the floor, furiously scrubbing at it with a soggy washcloth. He looked up, not all that surprised to see his friend, and smiled weakly.

“What the fuck?” Katsuki yelled. It had scared him at first, thinking it had been blood. Upon a second look though, he could tell that it was far too thick and too bright to be blood. “What the hell is all that?”

“Hair dye,” Kirishima admitted, his hand connecting with the back of his neck. “I was trying to touch up my roots, but I accidentally knocked over the open bottle, and well…”

“Idiot. Why didn’t you just tell me?”

“What? That I dye my hair?”

“No, stupid, I knew that! That you made a mess!”

“Oh! I didn’t wanna bother you.” The boy ran his hand through his hair, which Katsuki noticed was hanging low around his shoulders, like it had been the night he’d come for him in Kamino. “Also, I feel really dumb right now.”

“Don’t.” Katsuki leaned into the bathroom, grabbing another towel. He ran it under the faucet, before crouching down to scrub at the dye himself.

“You- you’re helping?” Kirishima’s red eyes widened, smile pulling at his mouth.

“The faster this gets cleaned up, the faster we do homework.”

The smile pulled wider, until he was wearing the biggest, toothiest grin Katsuki was sure he’d ever seen. “Thanks, Bakugo! I really appreciate it.”

The blond’s face began to feel warmer, so he quickly hung his head, focusing on the mess and hoping his unruly hair would hide his blush. “Whatever. Just be more careful. You could’ve gotten your stupid ass hurt if you slipped in it.”

“It won’t happen again, I promise!”

If Katsuki Bakugo was a braver person, he would’ve leaned right over the pool of sticky hair dye and kissed that idiot right there. The idea sounded more than appealing. He’d been thinking about doing it for weeks, ever since Kamino. 

But for all his bravado, Katsuki Bakugo wasn’t brave enough to do it. Instead, he pressed his towel harder than he needed to into the floor, as if he could wipe away his frustration with himself along with all the hair dye.

. . .

3

“Wait, I can steal a star?” Kirishima realized excitedly.

“Do it.” Katsuki grinned wickedly.

“Oh, don’t you dare, Kirishima.” Kaminari hissed.

“He has the coins, he’s gonna do it!” Sero groaned.

“Oh I’m totally doing it.” Kirishima triumphantly tapped a button on his controller, agreeing to the transaction.

Kaminari and Sero went bananas. It was fantastic. 

Maybe this wasn’t such a bad idea.

He had been skeptical about Mario Party. It looked pretty dumb, if he was being honest, which he most always was. But when Kirishima suggested they play teams, and then gave a very impassioned speech about how to the two of them could do anything, who was Katsuki Bakugo to deny him?

God, I sound like an idiot.

Personal feelings aside though, he was glad he’d caved. Kirishima had been right; they were kicking ass.

Katsuki cackled as Lakitu fished a star away from Peach, Kaminari’s character, and brought it back to Kirishima’s Mario.

“Fuck yeah!” Katsuki cheered as he directed Bowser to the star still on the board.

“And they get another- UGH!” Sero dropped his controller, draping an arm over his eyes. “Oh, this is torture.”

“Five to one. Hell yeah!” Kirishima whooped.

“You haven’t won yet.” Kaminari dramatically pointed a finger at the pair.

“But we’re going to.” Katsuki promised.

“Kaminari, there are two turns left.” Sero pointed out, still sulking. “The only thing that could possibly save us now are the bonus stars, and even then it probably still won’t help much. Not when we’re four stars behind.”

“Ugh, this suuuuucks.” The golden eyed boy groaned, joining his partner in agony.

“You losers have to roll, it’s your turn.” Katsuki thrust Sero’s controller back into his hands.

“Yeah, finish out strong!” Kirishima encouraged, pointing to the screen. “Look, the next star’s close to you, Kaminari, you could probably get it.”

“It won’t save your sorry asses though.”

“Not helping, Bakugo.” Sero deadpanned. “Not helping at all.”

Kirishima chuckled, knocking his knee against Katsuki’s. “I highly doubt he’s trying to.”

The ash-blond smirked at him, leaning back against the couch cushions. He tried to ignore how Kirishima hadn’t moved his knee. He tried to ignore how his own body seemed to be gravitating towards Kirishima’s. Katsuki had been trying to ignore the signs for two months now, but it was becoming more and more obvious what was going on.

Katsuki Bakugo was officially head-over-heels and face-in-the-mud in love with Eijiro Kirishima. The thought was slowly killing him inside, because how could he ever feel the same way? How could charismatic, energetic, “Live without regrets” Kirishima ever love him? 

Depression seeped in as Sero and Kaminari’s turn ended, and he had to mindlessly press the button to roll the dice. 

I’m a fucking idiot.

Still immersed in the game and their imminent loss, Kaminari and Sero didn’t notice Katsuki’s sudden shift in attitude. Kirishima did though. Worry coursed through him as he wondered what was troubling his friend so much to make him look so distant and distraught.

“Bakugo?” He whispered, leaning in to keep his other friends out of it. “You don’t look so good, man.”

“I’m fine.” Katsuki growled though gritted teeth. “Let’s just finish this stupid-ass game already. I’m tired.”

. . . 

4

Katskui’s world warped and twisted. He was standing in front of a swirling black portal, the villain Dabi’s hand wrapped around his neck. He felt panic building in his chest, but before he could process it all, he was jerked backwards. It was as if a string wrapped around his torso had been yanked, hard. Next thing he knew he was watching All Might fight All for One. His stomach lurched. His body felt weightless, and not entirely corporeal. 

This is a dream, Katsuki reminded himself, but that didn’t stop the familiar panic from seizing him like a fist closing tightly around his heart. He couldn’t move. He couldn’t speak. He couldn’t breathe. He couldn’t do anything. He silently screamed at himself, cursing his incompetence, his weakness, his uselessness. 

Katsuki sat up so quickly he nearly gave himself whiplash. He breathed heavily, hands clenching in his hair. He brought his legs to his chest, and lowered his head so his forehead touched his knees. 

“It wasn’t real,” he reminded himself breathlessly. “You weren’t in any danger,”

Then why didn’t you do anything?

The thought was an ugly one, but hardly unfamiliar. It was one that plagued him nearly every time he had a dream like this. If he couldn’t spur himself into action even when he was dreaming, how the hell did he except to get anything done when there was real danger? How did he except himself to be a hero?

If you hadn’t been so damn weak, you never would’ve gotten caught and caused all that trouble!

Katsuki flinched at his mother’s words, still reverberating in his skull months after she’d said them. 

I’m fucking useless.

Temper suddenly flared, he unfolded himself from his fetal position, grabbing the closet thing, which was an electrical alarm clock. Forcefully yanking the clock so the plug was pulled out of the socket, Katsuki hurled it to the floor. It landed with an unsatisfactory dull clunk, which only enflamed his anger more. 

With a guttural growl, he lumbered out of bed, snatching the clock back up. This time, when he lobbed it again, he aimed for the wall next to his bed. With more force behind it, the clock hit the wall with a resounding CRACK. Katsuki watched, still panting as it tumbled onto the bed. He doubted it’d ever work again.

Taking a deep breath, he tossed the clock back to the floor, only there was no anger behind the gesture now. Just bitter resignation. Katsuki crawled back onto the bed, leaning against the wall.

“Bakugo?” A knock sounded just left of his head. “Everything ok? Did you throw something?”

Fuck. He’d woken Kirishima. Katsuki had forgotten about the red-head sleeping just next door. Anger coursed through him again, but this time it was laced with guilt. Idiot.

“It’s nothing,” Katsuki called back through the wall “Go back to sleep.”

Hoping Kirishima would leave it there, but knowing he wouldn’t, Katsuki buried himself in his blanket. Don’t come over, don’t come over, don’t come over, don’t come over-

Knock knock knock. “Bakugo? Can I come in?”

Goddamnit. 

With an explosive sigh, Katsuki dragged himself back out of bed, stepping on the abandoned alarm clock in the process. “Shit!” He winced, kicking the now useless piece of plastic aside and rubbing his sore foot.

Kirishima knocked again.

“I’m comin’, quit whining.” The blond groaned, opening the door.

“Dude, what happened?” Worry laced Kirishima’s voice. His eyes darted from Katsuki to the room behind him, presumably searching for the source of the sound that’d awoken him.

“Nothing. I had a dream and I got mad.” Katsuki said lamely. “It’s not a big deal. Go back to bed.”

“Did you throw the alarm?” Kirishima ignored him, sidestepping the boy into his room. “Why? What kind of dream did you have?”

“None of your business.”

“Bakugo,”

His voice was soft and coaxing. It was the kind of voice you used when you were trying to get a small child to come out of a hiding spot. It was appropriate, Katsuki certainly felt small in that moment. He felt a dull ache in his chest at the sound of it. He sighed heavily again, sitting on the edge of his bed, walls caving in. “It was about Kamino.”

“Oh,”

Katsuki hung his head, not wanting the boy to see the tears burning the corners of his eyes. He felt the bed dip as Kirishima joined him.

“It wasn’t your fault, you know.” He said quietly. “None of it. Not the kidnapping, not the fight, not even All Might’s retirement.”

“If I hadn’t gotten caught-”

“None of us couldn’t prevented that. It was a surprise attack, we couldn’t have seen it coming. You were overwhelmed, it’s nothing to be ashamed of.”

Katsuki felt a warm hand cover his knee. He looked up at Kirishima, seeing nothing but warmth.

“I feel weak.” Katsuki admitted.

“Don’t.”

Don’t. It was the same thing he’d told Kirishima when he said he’d felt dumb for spilling his hair dye all those months ago. Though he’d all but forgotten about the exchange, it all rushed back now, like a tidal wave that’d been held back by a dam. 

“Thank you.”

There was more to say than that. More than Katsuki thought he could actually articulate. Those two small words carried more messages than he could ever say.

Kirishima seemed to understand, though. He didn’t ask for elaboration. He simply gave the toothy grin Katsuki had grown to love, patted him on the back, and said “You’re welcome.”

. . .

5

BOOM

Gym Beta rumbled as Katsuki leveled a particularly strong blast against Kirishima, who took the brunt of it unflinchingly.

“Woah, that was a big one!” The red head batted the smoke away, deactivating his quirk. “How’re you not tired? We’ve been at this for an hour!”

“Or course I’m tired, dimwit. I’m human, aren’t I?” Katsuki rolled his eyes, and whipped beads of sweat off his forehead. “I’ve been active so I’m sweating more. That’s what’s making my blasts more powerful.”

“Oh, yeah! That makes sense.” Kirishima chuckled, grabbing his and his the blond’s water bottles. “Man, you sure are lucky, Bakugo.”

“Huh?”

“With your quirk, I mean.” Kirishima explained, tossing the other bottle, which Katsuki caught deftly. “It’s so strong and flashy, and it only gets stronger the longer you use it! You’re gonna be a great hero some day. I just hope I can keep up with you.”

“Not this shit again,” Katsuki groaned, taking a swig from his water. “You’re strong. How many times do we have to have this conversation, Shitty Hair?”

“I know, I know,” Kirishima waved him off, also taking a drink. “Don’t get me wrong, I really appreciate you saying that! It’s just hard to believe, y’know?”

Katsuki was quiet for a minute. It sucked because he did know. His friend’s words hit closer to home than he had probably intended. He knew first hand how difficult it was to change your mind when you’d already convinced yourself of something, no matter how often people told you otherwise. 

Katsuki didn’t say any of this, though. “It’s late. We should head back.” Is what he said instead.

“Right,” Kirishima sighed, disappointment heavy in his voice. His eyes flashed with hurt as he turned his back to pick up his gym bag.

Damnit, say something.

 “Kirishima,” 

He turned back, surprised, but not unpleasantly so. “Yeah?”

“I don’t like it when you look down on yourself. You’re better than that, even if you don’t think so.”

“Woah, where’s this coming from?” There was laughter in his voice.

Katsuki shrugged, scuffing his toe against the cement floor. “I just need you to hear it. Even if you don’t believe it yourself.”

The smile that spread across Kirishima’s face wasn’t the huge shit-eating grin Katsuki had gotten so used to. It was a new one. This one was shy and grateful. This smile came with a small blush, the lightest dusting of pink across the boy’s cheeks. 

Oh fuck. Katsuki felt his own face heat up. 

“Thank you Bakugo. That really means a lot.”

“You’re welcome.”

Suddenly Katsuki was restless. Here he was, standing in front Eijiro Kirishima, a boy he’d thought about kissing a hell of a lot more than he was willing to admit, and he wasn’t doing a single thing. Suddenly, he felt like he had to do something.

“Hey. You know that thing you say about living without regrets?”

“Oh, yeah? What about it?”

Before he could think too much about it, Katsuki closed the gap between his and Eijiro, and pressed his lips to his.

Eijiro let out a surprised squeak, but didn’t pull back. Instead, his hand found Katsuki’s shoulder, and he pulled his closer. The kiss was awkward, and a little too forceful on the blond’s part. But it was happening. The kiss several months in the making was finally happening, and Katsuki was wondering what the hell had taken him so long?

“How long have you wanted to do that?” Eijio asked with a breathy laugh as they pulled apart.

Katsuki pursed his lips, considering. “I think since Kamino.”

“Since the final exams, for me.”

Katsuki scowled. “You mean I could’ve pulled this shit way earlier?” The red head laughed again, this time it was less breathy. “I guess, yeah. What stopped you?”

“I didn’t think you’d feel the same,” the blond grumbled, crossing his arms. “What a waste.”

“Aw, don’t say that! I was too scared to do it, too!” Eijiro planted both hands firmly on Katsuki’s shoulders, beaming. “But it’s ok! Cause you did it!”

Katsuki chuckled a little, burying his face in Eijiro’s shoulder and wrapping his shaking arms around him. He returned the embrace ten-fold, squeezing Katsuki so tightly he thought he’d pop. He let him, though. 

It felt good to be held. So good, it might’ve even been worth all those wasted months.

“I’m so glad I’ve got you,” Eijiro whispered into Katsuki’s shirt.

Katsuki squeezed tighter. Defiantly worth it.

[liddolwhynot2000]

Chains: Part 3

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Summary:

Levi didn't need to tell to him how much of a fool he was. Because Erwin already knew it.

Only a fool would let go of a chance with a woman like you.

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Pairings: Erwin/Reader, Levi/Reader

Genre: Angst, one sided love, regrets

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ChainsPt1. ChainsPt2. ChainsPt4

Drabble#1

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'You're pretty shitty at noticing what's right infront of you.'

Erwin wanted to scoff at that statement. One of the reasons he made such a good commander was because he had a very keen eye for details. He could take one look at a document and pin point all the errors in it within a moments notice. His sharp observation skills had been what had significantly reduced the Survey Corps death rate.

He prided himself on his ability to notice things--alas none of that extended to his personal life.

And Levi was the one to point it out to him.

Not to say that he didn't know it already, it was just that he often prefered to pretend he didn't. The rational part of him often insisted how dwelling on his own shortcomings was pointless. After all, he was doing just fine as the commander wasn't he?

Reminding himself of that, he turned his attention back to Levi. His response was cool and crisp, not giving away his internal struggle.

'Is there a problem with the mission plan?'

'Tch- don't beat around the bush commander. We both know what I'm talking about.'

Ah typical, straightforward Levi. Even though he was mostly used to it, even he got thrown off at times by how the man refused to sneak around a topic.

'Apologies-but I really don't know--'

Erwin turned back to the map on his desk, dismissing Levi

'-And frankly, I don't have the time for this. If its not related to the mission, please leave.'

There was moment of silence, before Levi turned to leave. Just as he was about to shut the door, he spoke up again.

'You're a fool Erwin. And I have no intention of following in your footsteps.'

With that, he shut the door.

Erwin let out a dry, humourless chuckle

Levi didn't need to tell to him how much of a fool he was. Because Erwin already knew it.

Only a fool would let go of a chance with a woman like you.

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When Erwin had been young, back in his cadet days, he and his friends had often frequented a bar nearby. It was a good time for them, drinking, laughing, talking about girls. They enjoyed a nice, hot meal, with no sergeant screaming at them. It was one of the few times they could relax.

It was also when he had met Marie.

Beautiful, sassy Marie, who had captivated him at first sight. Her pretty smile and snark had easily wormed their way into his heart--and like any other hot blooded man, he had immediately tried to court her.

He had been very well aware of his own charms back then, knowing most women considered him attractive. He could be smooth when needed and for Marie, he had gone out of his way to win her over with everything he had.

Even going as far to chat up the other barmaids, so that they would harbour good opinions of him. You, in specific, had been a target. He had been able to tell that you and Marie were good enough friends that your word would matter.

Erwin doubted you had realized it at the time, that he had been playing you. He hadn't been blind to your feelings for him, he recalled your slight blush and the way you wouldn't fully make eye contact with him. He had even thought of you as attractive--but that was just about it.

You were attractive, sure, but to him, especially back then, Marie had been absolutely breathtaking. So he had strung you along a little, knowing that the higher opinion you had of him, the more you would tell Marie positive things about him. His courting efforts had paid off and before long, he was finally turning his entire attention to a very receptive Marie. You clearly hadn't noticed how he had used you, but you had kept your head down and taken the hint.

To this day, he was still ashamed of himself for that.

Even back then, he had felt a little awful about his behaviour. But that feeling had been easily overwhelmed by the blossoming of his new relationship-- first kisses, first dates. All his time outside of the training corps had been devoted to Marie. He had fallen hard for her, and had envisioned their future together.

He would meet her parents after he graduated and get her father's blessing. The two of them would get married in a modest ceremony, and move into a decent house. He would climb the ranks and the two of you would start a family soon enough. He would be welcomed home by her, and their children causing a ruckus and running around. It was the picture perfect family.

Until it wasn't.

In his vision of a life with Marie, Erwin had lost himself. Those soft, fleeting touches left him intoxicated, dreaming of a life that he wasn't sure he could ever want. And as graduation loomed closer, he had begun to sober up.

He had convinced himself that Marie's dreams for life were his own, but had forgotten about his own dreams.

The reason he had joined the Cadet Corps was so he could join the Survey Corps and explore the outside world. He wanted to figure out the titans, their history and most importantly, prove his father's theory.

It wasn't about sating his own curiosity-- no, it was about proving his father had been right. That his idiotic son hadn't gotten him killed over nothing.

Once he had snapped out of the honeymoon phase of their relationship, he had begun to recall his priorities. As much as he had loved Marie back then, he knew he wouldn't have been able to turn his back on his father. Otherwise, he would have spent the rest of his life drowning in unresolved guilt.

Erwin's choice had been clear, but by then he and Marie had been so deep into their relationship, that he had to contemplate what to do. He wasn't dumb- he knew it would be a choice. There was no way he could join the Survey Corps and still be with Marie. She had always made it clear that she wanted a husband who she could see everyday. Who would be safe in the walls with her, and could give her a comfortable life.

It had been a choice. And as much as it had pained him to do so, he had let Marie go.

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Erwin sat at the bar later that night, downing his second beer bottle. He had ordered another one to the go, with the bartender eyeing him with something akin to pity.

'Ya got your heart broken or something?'

Erwin chuckled bitterly

'No. I was just a little blind.'

The bartender nodded in understanding, giving him his beer and a sympathetic smile.

Erwin paid his dues, took his drink, and left the bar. He lazily walked along the side walk, heading back the barracks. The air was chilly, but he was too lost in thought to care.

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Meeting you again had been weird to say the least. For one, it brought back a ton of shame he had been holding back all these years.

He remembered how insensitive he had been, using you and your feelings to get the girl he had wanted. Fate had dealt him quite the hand, probably as punishment for treating you like that, and had made sure hadn't ended up with Marie.

You had gotten significantly more attractive, Erwin had admitted to himself. You had certainly blossomed into a much more sure version of yourself, holding your head high, evenly making eye contact with everyone. You still retained some quietness, which he had to admit wasn't off putting at all.

He found himself approaching you, at first wanting to make up for how he had behaved. He had planned to tell you the truth, and get the slap he deserved. But somehow, one enjoyable conversation had turned into two, two into six and before he had been able to stop it, he had become good friends with you.

The two of you would meet up and chat about books, or sometimes share a meal together. It had become a routine of some sort--a safe haven from all his troubles.

A moral man would tell you the truth, and take his punishment. But he had grown too fond of you. Your laughter, and soothing presence had grown on him. He couldn't let go. So he hid his misdeeds and shoved it into the back of his mind, selfishly wanting to keep being with you.

Erwin wasn't dumb, he knew himself better then anyone. It hadn't taken him long to understand his reasons being around you went beyond friendship.

It wasn't friendship that had him imagining what it would be like to slip his hands around your waist and rest his head on your shoulder as you cooked.

It wasn't friendship that made him sorely miss you at military balls--made him wish it was you he was slow dancing with.

It wasn't friendship that made him look at the empty side of his bed and long for another person to be there. For you to be there.

He wasn't hopelessly in love with you- or at least he didn't think so. But he had certainly felt strongly about you. Looking back on it, if he had played his cards right, he would have gotten you.

He had thought that he would confess to you, and be met with a positive response. He would throw the secret he was keeping from you to the darkest pits of his mind, and embrace a new life with you, even with his suicidal profession.

It hadn't worked out that way.

Just a day before the expedition, Erwin had suffered through a bad day. He had recieved news of Marie and her husband Nile welcoming their first child. And it had hurt.

As much as he had fallen for you, Marie had held a significant part of his heart. Letting her go had been extremely difficult for him, but he had thought that he would have made peace with it by now. While he wouldn't say he was heart broken, he certainly hadn't been able to stop himself from feeling bitter.

His first love had moved on from him so easily.

His mood had only gotten worse after the expedition, another senseless loss of life had been incurred--and it could have been prevented if the Commander had bothered hearing out Erwin's plan.

He had been so frustrated, so done with it all. His only outlet had been drinking, and he had ended up going to you.

In hindsight, it had been a bad decision from the start. Going to the woman he hoped to make his one day, while feeling bitter over the woman he had loved in the past and being drunk at the same time was a bad combination.

And it had ended up becoming a night he would regret.

'M.. Marie?'

____________________________________

Erwin let himself into his room, glad that captain's got their own room. It had taken him some effort to open the door, feeling a little hazy from his drinking.

Kicking off his shoes, he sunk into his chair, head pounding from the alcohol he had consumed and heart hurting from his own failures.

It had been so stupid of him, going to you at that time. It had messed up any chance he had with you.

You're demeanour towards him had changed after that, no longer giving flashes of anything beyond friendship. You had built up a wall against him, unwilling to let him in like before. It had left him feeling unsure of what to do, of how to talk to you.

You never once brought up that night, or Marie, simply carrying on as though nothing had happened. A part of him had wanted to talk to you immediately, to tell you it wasn't what you thought it was, but he had held himself back.

He figured if he gave you some time, you would be more receptive to hearing him out. At that point, you might not have taken his confession well. So he allowed the distance you were putting between them to grow, convincing himself that when the time was right, he would confess to you.

Too bad he had made the mistake of introducing you to Levi.

____________________________________

Erwin clearly recalled the first time you had met Levi, for he had been the one who had brought him to the resteraunt you worked at.

He had noticed the short man's attraction to you immediately, watching from the corner of his eye as the man eyed you with interest. His expert self-control had been the only thing keeping the ugly, seething jealousy he had felt at that moment from showing on his face.

It had taken everything in him to leave at that moment.

And there wasn't a moment after that he stopped regretting leaving.

Before, he had been watching you pull away from him. And now? He was watching you go into someone else's arms.

It had started out small, accidentally overhearing Levi's friends teasing him about you. Telling him to ask you out. He had ignored it back then.

After his friends had died, Levi had begun to dissappear in his his free time. Erwin had been suspicious about it, and had tracked him down one day, only to find the man sharing tea with you. The sight of you giggling as Levi looked at you so softly had made him want to throw up.

He hadn't confronted the two of you and just walked away, each step away from you feeling heavier then the last.

The two of you begun to talk less and less, and Erwin could tell it wasn't affecting you as much as it was affecting him. His one fuck up had made you give up on him and move on-for good.

Now, he was forced to watch you and Levi go in circles around each other. You would bring him meals to headquarters, he would buy you little trinkets from the village. Erwin would see it all unfold- Levi eating his own home cooked meals that smelled so familiar. You wearing jewellery he had seen Levi looking at.

It was the start of a picture perfect romance. Any other person would be ignored by humanity's strongest solider if they tripped to the ground, but Levi would always firmly grab you before you even fell halfway.

Levi smiled at you when he thought no one was looking, he looked at you as though you were the single most important person in his life--and honestly? Erwin couldn't blame him.

You were perfect really. Especially for someone who was in the Survey Corps. So understanding, always near by becuase of your job, a great listener, funny, smart.. And not meant to be his.

Had he not been blind to you all those years ago, had seen the traits you had, the ones that Marie didn't, he could have been happy right now. Without a doubt, he could tell, you would have supported his dreams to join the Survey Corps. Had he not been so star struck by Marie back then, he wouldn't have spent the past years stowing in heartbreak. Now, he had lost you, and the only way to get you back would never let him sleep at night again.

He had, yet again, made a choice. If he wanted to, with little effort, he could send Levi back to the underground and away from you. In his lowest moments, he envisioned being petty enough to actually go through with it. You would get over it, and he could comfort you in that time of heartbreak. But he couldn't. Because he needed Levi's strength.

Levi had begun to carry expeditions on his back, to the point that he had single handedly lowered their death rate by 8%. Without him, the corps would be doomed and disbanded.

And Erwin had already sent too many soldiers to their death for that to happen.

So, with a heavy heart, he chose the military over the person he wanted to be with. Again. He resolved himself to watching you and Levi get together. To have the relationship his heart screamed at him to have with you.

What he hadn't expected was that he would walk in on the moment the two of you would be confessing to each other.

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Erwin sat in his office, working on filling his tax forms. He had woken up hungover, and forced himself to freshen up so that he could work with a clear mind.

His hand worked on auto pilot, with his mind distracted. A part of him, a bitter, cruel part of him, wanted it to not work out for you and Levi. But his head was much more sensible.

He had seen the way the two of you looked at each other--people who looked so lovingly at each other could only be seperated by the tragedy of death. And considering Levi's inhumane strength and battle expertise, he doubted it would happen anytime soon.

Frustrated, he shook his head and counselled himself. He had mourned losing you last night-but no more. He would focus on his work and self assigned mission. That's all. Like everything else in his life, he would make peace with this situation.

With that thought, he shifted his entire attention to his work.

Maybe Erwin would have mourned a little more back then, had he known that, a year from now, he would have to watch you and Levi makes vows to each other.

Till Death do us apart~

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A/N: Heyooo. So this was highly requested and I hope it served y'all well! Do tell if you enjoyed it. My asks are open, so ask away people. I feel tempted to branch out and write about the Levi and Reader in this fic some more. I already wrote about how they met and fell for each other in Chains Part 2. But maybe I could write of their life together? I dunno if y'all would even want that.

I have a big exam result in 15 hours and I'm honestly terrified. I wrote this completely hyper and ready to be distracted.

Also we're about to hit 100 followers omg fhfjfjf y'all make me smile in times of stress.

[fnf-brain-rot]

Corrupt bf & Pico - you're all mine

⚠NSFW WARNING⚠

How was one supposed to react to panicked text messages sent around the time of three am?

Pico's insomnia kept him from having a decent sleep schedule, so he was awake to catch it. It was from Girlfriend. She sure as hell was never up so late, so what could possibly be so urgent?

"Hurry to my house"

"It's Bf"

"I won't be able to help you stop them"

Pico nearly thought he was reading everything incorrectly. He read those three messages over and over for about five minutes, trying to make sense of it. Stop them? What's wrong with Bee? He figured the longer he sat there, the less time he had to stop whatever was happening. With haste, he hopped out of bed, slipping on his usual combat khakis. He made sure his uzi was on him, as usual. This time he decided to take two with him. He rushed his way out of his apartment, almost forgetting to close the door behind him.

He tried calling her on the way there, running down the empty streets. There was an electric tingle in the air. He could feel something was wrong. He called her five times, and she still didn't pick up. He knew it would be a lost cause, but he still tried to call Bee. He called him about seven times. He had a mind to hit Nene and Darnell up about whatever the hell was going on, maybe the Uber kids finally decided to make a move or some shit? Who knew.

His lungs were on fire by the time he made it to her house. eerily enough, the front door was cracked open, as if someone made such a desperate escape that the doors to this mansion weren't important enough to keep closed. From where he was standing, he could see some lights throughout the house being left on. "Fucking god, what happened.." He grumbled to himself. The silence was deafening, as if time were standing still. Marching inside, he clutched his uzi at the ready tight to his chest.

The air inside the mansion was still, as if there had been no living creature to set foot inside for years. He used his phone flashlight to see, since the corridors tend to be dark at night. He, Bee, and Gigi all walked together through the halls, knowing Pico was uncomfortable by himself.

He was getting that feeling now.

He felt as if the shadows were dancing just beyond his eye sight, or maybe prowling, waiting for him to let his guard down. But when he looked, no one was there.

He stopped first in the mess hall. The light was on here. He relaxed a bit, quickly getting himself out of that dark hallway. It was fucking with his head. He opened his mouth to call for Gigi, but stopped himself. That's some dumb white people in a horror movie shit. If there was something in here, he would be the one to catch it by surprise.

He sniffed the air. Blood. He knew the scent well. He was hesitant to make his way into the kitchen, poking his head around the corner. He could have sworn he heard a scuffling sound, but when he flicked on the light, nothing. This whole situation had him on edge. It would have anybody on edge.

He tried calling Gigi again, quickly rushing to the staircase in the main area. He called her until he could hear her phone, it would give him a lead on where they've gone. It was in her bedroom. He could have guessed as much. The room was a damn mess, as if a tornado had come through and thrown everything around. Oh god, is Gigi okay? Pico felt the blood drain from his face, and his stomach twisted into a nervous knot. He smelled blood earlier, but didn't know where it came from.. There were some spots on the floor near her bed. He grabbed her phone to look at it. Thank goodness he knew her password. He unlocked it and looked through it to see if she called or texted anyone else. She had an unfinished message she would have sent to Pico.

"It won't stop until"

Until what?

"Dammit.." Pico growled under his breath, then set her phone back down. Where the fuck was she? Where was Bee?

He took a moment to breathe in her room. He couldn't lose them. He couldn't lose anyone else. He didn't want to be alone again. Not again..

No... Now's not the time..

With a shaky breath, he stood off the bed, and marched out of her room. He sniffed the air again. Still blood.. but a trail. He looked down at his feet to see the trail of blood. It led down the staircase off to the left. Following it took him to the last place he wanted to go.

The basement.

This never goes well in horror movies and he knows that.

He almost considered not going down there at all, but the fact that this was Bee and Gigi, and quite possibly the rest of the city in trouble, well, he would have to fight again. Just like the old days.

He gathered the courage, pulled out his phone, and descended into the dark floor.

It was pitch black. He couldn't see a few feet in front of his flash light. He could feel it. Them. Her, him. They were down here. He could see the shadows move, he could feel the darkness breathing down his neck. He tightened his hold on his uzi, then spoke. "Come the fuck out, now."

His demand was followed by immediate laughter, which made him flinch. He swung his phone behind him, but he still couldn't see a thing. That's when something knocked against his hand, something cold and wet. His phone tumbled against the concrete flooring, and he was quick to shoot in whatever direction it came from. Twice. Nothing. "Stop fucking with me and come out!" He growled angrily. What felt like an arm wrapped around his waist, and he acted quickly, turning around to grab the source of it, but his arms were quickly restrained above his head, presumably from the same thing that knocked his phone away.

He shivered at the sensation, and was about to yell again when someone finally spoke. "You've always been such a fighter.. You would even fight your own lovers?" It was.... "B.. Bee?? Where are you?" His eyes darted around blindly in the dark, and he bit his lip. "I'm right in front of you, silly."

"Well I wouldn't be able to fucking tell that in the pitch black darkness, dipshit." Pico spat back in response, only for Bee to giggle. "So tough.. Have it your way."

He heard the flick of a light switch, and was apalled by the sight in front of him.

Only about a foot in front of him stood.. Boyfriend? But... Looking at him was like looking into a void. His entire body was engulfed in this black substance. His face was almost unrecognisable. It was as if he had a row of razor sharp teeth to replace his normal ones, and he could only see one eye. That eye was blank white, like his own, only sharper and more insidious looking.

Pico's heart dropped to his stomach. He was at a loss for words. "What the fuck are you.." His words came out in a mumble, like he could barely speak. It laughed at him. "I'm your Boyfriend, silly!" It cooed back, moving only so he was a few inches away from him. Their bodies touched, and Pico let out another fierce growl before tugging at his restraints. They were.. Weird tentacle shit, go figure. He quickly glanced around, and that's when he noticed another body on the ground some ways away, and assumed the worst.

She was breathing. Shallow.

"Gigi! Girlfriend what-" He stopped again. The same dark matter had mostly consumed her body. A painful grin stretched along her face. She looked terrified, yet she couldn't move. The only spot not touched by the matter was her right eye. She looked at him. "Holy shit this is fucked.. Look I'd love to stay and plot evil shit with you, but can you fuck off and let them go?" Pico swallowed nervously. That was about as nice as he could ask.

"Hm.. I dunno.. You just might have to beg for your life first. I have just the thing for you." The thing that called itself his Boyfriend giggled up something sinister. It moved its arm from his waist, then threw Pico across the room. The ginger tumbled to the floor with a grunt, but quickly regathered himself, reaching for his uzi with a quickness. Still not quick enough. A tendril knocked it from his hand, then grabbed his wrist. Pico managed to catch another one coming at him, just barely managing to hold it. He had a scowl on his face. "If you're so fucking bad why not fight hand to hand?" He called out to him, and it scoffed. "Yeah yeah, I'm not here to fight sweetheart." Another one lunged for his leg, and with two apendages restrained, he was pinned to the wall, rather harshly.

It knocked the wind out of him, and he shook his head, but his other leg was caught, and they were spread apart, and his arms were lifted above his head again. Oh, fuck this. "Jesus what the fuck do you want?? What the fuck is your goal?!" Pico was growing desperate. It sure had a knack for laughing at him. "I want to hear you scream." With that, it advanced on him, continuing to walk toward him. One more of the slimy apendages slithered up Pico's sweater, and it made him shudder. It was called into question what type of scream we were talking about here.

That question was soon answered when he felt the flick against his nipple, and the tearing of his favorite fucking sweater off his body. Honestly he was kinda mad about that, but now wasn't the time to worry about clothes! He couldn't move, as much as he tried, then he felt a searing hot pain on his hip. It was touching him, with its sharp claws. All it did was poke him, and doing so felt like it was fire to his veins. The dark matter seeped into his skin, staining the white surface with the black inky void the other two were covered in. He bit his lip to hold back his sound of pain, only to be conflicted with a tendril beginning to fondle his junk through his pants.

"You're fucking sick." He snarled through grit teeth, and it simply shook his head. "Oh Pico," It unzipped his pants, then pulled them down to his knees with ease. "I'm only doing this because I love you." It grinned, but it was only wicked and crazed. Pico shook his head. This sure as hell wasn't his Boyfriend. He let out a surprised grunt at the feeling of his shaft being toyed with, and absentmindedly bucked his hips. His eyes flew wide upon realisation, and he struggled to move again. "F-Fuck off!" He choked out, trying to ignore the heat that rose to his cheeks.

"Always so cute.. Yet you look at me crazy when I suggest you bottom, huh?" Pico shook his head again, trying to block out the words. It couldn't have Bf's memories. It wasn't him. It wasn't. He gnashed his teeth together as it dragged another claw along his abdomen, watching the matter spread against his flesh, slowly, painfully. "Fuck this.." Pico groaned out, squeezing his eyes shut. If he could tap out honestly he would. It laughed at him again, one of the tendrils prodding at his little pink hole. "I mean.. that is the plan." It teased him, and it pushed inside of him. It was already slick with whatever was coating these things, but the abrupt movement had Pico crying out in pain. The ginger threw his head back, and he tried not to make a sound, but this all hurt like hell. It hurt.. But.. It felt so.. good? That had to be this corruption talking, it had to be.

Pico's back arched, and he felt it move in and out, pushing near his prostate, pulling out when it got close. "Oh... Fuck... This..!" He exclaimed breathlessly, moving his hips around as it began to move faster. The thing standing in front of him seemed pleased, wrapping a firm claw around his cock. Good Lord this thing was kinda hot.. Wait. Pico gasped out at the feeling of it finally hitting his prostate, that being enough to push him to the point of tears. "Now, like I said." It began to speak again. More of the blackness had claimed more of his body. He could feel it crawling under his skin. "Beg for it to stop. You wanted me to be.. 'let go', right? So beg for it." It had a cocky smirk on its face. Pico couldn't believe what the fuck was happening. "P-Please.." It took everything in his power not to moan his words. "L-Let.. Let them go.." He had been biting his lip so hard it started to bleed. The creature laughed, damn there crushing his length in his hand. "That's not what I want, Pico dear." It stated vaguely.

Pico rolled his eyes, then tilted his head back. "Please.. P-hah...! Please..! Let them... G-Go..!" He begged, against his wishes of course. That would have pushed him to the edge if his dick wasn't being practically crushed right now. "Awe, that's a good boy, Pico.." It cooed proudly. Pico's face was on fire, from what he assumed was blush. How fucking embarrassing. "Unfortunately you're a little too late." It smirked again, and let go, allowing Pico to let go as well, relaxing a bit as he released blissfully, but wasn't aware. "Now you get to be with us. Forever." Pico could barely register the sinister laughter as his eyes glazed over, and his consciousness was pushed back to be a passenger, unable to stop the laughter that rose from his own chest to join the cacophony of the thing that called itself his Boyfriend.

And now he resided inside the thing that called itself Pico.