#and is incredibly emotionally intelligent and coherent

[marsuni]

i really hope my brother understands how proud i am of him

[the-insomniac-emporium]

A. Caldwell: Resident Lover edition

ayyyye it's ya girl boy creature of questionable origins! originally I was going for a npc version of Ava, like they were a side character in RL, but honestly this design could work as my version of the MC (because, ya know, Ava was originally a self-insert who rapidly mutated into something else heehoo) also ignore my typo on their title. forgot to double check and it's too late now

Avaskian Caldwell: Miranda's (other) impersonal assistant

Mx. Caldwell was originally a student at Miranda's University, studying for their psychology degree, with the goal of being a counselor of sorts for future students. The official report states that their horrific injuries were the result of an accident that occurred off-campus, while Caldwell was running an errand for the student council. As a result, Mx. Caldwell suffered a brain injury, resulting in an unusual (and advanced) case of dysphasia, as well as increased sensitivity to sound. They now communicate almost exclusively through writing, which is less impaired than their speech, and wear special ear plugs meant to limit background noise without blocking out nearby voices. Headmistress Miranda graciously offered the former-student a job at the University, as a groundskeeper of sorts. Or, well, that's the official story...

Although few speak openly of such things, the rumors around campus indicate that Mx. Caldwell knowingly got entangled in a Cult while trying to track down an old friend. Supposedly, they betrayed the group's trust, and were cursed in retaliation. But if that is the case... why would the cult keep them around? As an example, perhaps? The truth is evasive as always, and unendingly complex.

Currently, the idea is that Avaskian's childhood friend attended the University, got involved in Alcina's secret society, goofed up real bad, tried to blackmail her way out of it, and got added to Alcina's sculpture collection. Ava questioned her sudden disappearance, despite not having been in active contact with said friend for some time. Just like in their OG story, they followed the trail, running into one of the cult's more remote ventures in the process. That sets up the bit for Ava's cult design, which I'm still working on.

Eventually, Ava made it to the university, got an invitation, emotionally manipulated their way into the thick of things (also by being intelligent, fast-thinking, and perceptive as hell), and eventually managed to put two and two together about their friend's fate. While they were unable to actually save their friend, they were able to essentially mercy-kill her, freeing her consciousness from the sculpture. Unfortunately, that meant betraying Alcina's trust...

Which is why Miranda definitely did curse them. Ava can no longer talk coherently, and is physically incapable of saying or writing several key words, to prevent them from openly revealing the cult's business. Technically, they can talk out loud, it's just... mostly nonsensical.

"Tongue twisting thoughts into scrambled egg salad. A typewriter monkey bowling for alphabet soup."

So, why did Miranda let them live?... Well, for one, they might not look like it, but they're already, like, 87% dead. Again, per their OG story (which I'm trying to adapt as seamlessly as possible), Ava's health regeneration is incredibly powerful, but uncontrollable. They literally drink poison tea (thanks Donna) to periodically give the regen something to do other than filling them with extra sets of organs. Ava manages to be resourceful, effective, and can mostly blend in without others realizing their inhuman strength.

But I think the biggest reason Miranda didn't outright kill them is that, to a degree, she recognizes a piece of herself in them. Someone who is ruthlessly persistent, utterly set on their goal, purely devoted to the one they want to protect. Ava wasn't able to save their person, but their loyalty is admirable, and Miranda knows just how to redirect it for her own purposes...

[sunburstsoundlab]

The Role of AI in Music Composition

Artificial Intelligence (AI) is revolutionizing numerous industries, and the music industry is no exception. At Sunburst SoundLab, we use different AI based tools to create music that unites creativity and innovation. But how exactly does AI compose music? Let's dive into the fascinating world of AI-driven music composition and explore the techniques used to craft melodies, rhythms, and harmonies.

How AI Algorithms Compose Music

AI music composition relies on advanced algorithms that mimic human creativity and musical knowledge. These algorithms are trained on vast datasets of existing music, learning patterns, structures and styles. By analyzing this data, AI can generate new compositions that reflect the characteristics of the input music while introducing unique elements.

Machine Learning Machine learning algorithms, particularly neural networks, are crucial in AI music composition. These networks are trained on extensive datasets of existing music, enabling them to learn complex patterns and relationships between different musical elements. Using techniques like supervised learning and reinforcement learning, AI systems can create original compositions that align with specific genres and styles.

Generative Adversarial Networks (GANs) GANs consist of two neural networks – a generator and a discriminator. The generator creates new music pieces, while the discriminator evaluates them. Through this iterative process, the generator learns to produce music that is increasingly indistinguishable from human-composed pieces. GANs are especially effective in generating high-quality and innovative music.

Markov Chains Markov chains are statistical models used to predict the next note or chord in a sequence based on the probabilities of previous notes or chords. By analyzing these transition probabilities, AI can generate coherent musical structures. Markov chains are often combined with other techniques to enhance the musicality of AI-generated compositions.

Recurrent Neural Networks (RNNs) RNNs, and their advanced variant Long Short-Term Memory (LSTM) networks, are designed to handle sequential data, making them ideal for music composition. These networks capture long-term dependencies in musical sequences, allowing them to generate melodies and rhythms that evolve naturally over time. RNNs are particularly adept at creating music that flows seamlessly from one section to another.

Techniques Used to Create Melodies, Rhythms, and Harmonies

Melodies AI can analyze pitch, duration and dynamics to create melodies that are both catchy and emotionally expressive. These melodies can be tailored to specific moods or styles, ensuring that each composition resonates with listeners. Rhythms AI algorithms generate complex rhythmic patterns by learning from existing music. Whether it’s a driving beat for a dance track or a subtle rhythm for a ballad, AI can create rhythms that enhance the overall musical experience. Harmonies Harmony generation involves creating chord progressions and harmonizing melodies in a musically pleasing way. AI analyzes the harmonic structure of a given dataset and generates harmonies that complement the melody, adding depth and richness to the composition. -----------------------------------------------------------------------------

The role of AI in music composition is a testament to the incredible potential of technology to enhance human creativity. As AI continues to evolve, the possibilities for creating innovative and emotive music are endless.

Explore our latest AI-generated tracks and experience the future of music. 🎶✨

[painted-fanbird]

Currently thinking about why Elend is my least favorite character

It’s not that I hate him, he’s a perfectly serviceable character. He’s a good man, a good leader, a good soldier, and now a good Mistborn. Which,, hnng. He just lacks depth imo

He did kind of have depth in The Final Empire. When he was introduced as a disheveled nobleman, a scholar and a quiet rebel within his own society. I’ll admit I didn’t love him much then either, but that was more to do with his role in the story lol. I’m a certified Romance Hater in my fiction, so honestly I think Elend was doomed from the start in some respects XD

But by the end of The Well of Ascension, Elend is just,, good at everything. He’s noble, he’s stands up for himself, and now he’s got incredible Mistborn powers to boot. In short, he’s boring!! Incredibly boring! There’s no conflict of personality traits here and I’m mad about it!

Look at Vin, who began as a scared little girl hiding an inner strength. Who is now vicious and blunt and struggles with the weight of the responsibility she’s found herself with. Or Ham, the straightforward soldier who constantly prods at philosophy. Or Sazed, a seemingly quiet scholar with a quick wit and hidden rebelliousness. Breeze claims to be a manipulative bastard, but we know him to be a good msn deep down. Clubs was gnarled and grumpy, but there was a softness to him too, deep down. Dockson was calm and ever practical, but secretly just as insane as everyone else. Kelsier was a dreamer, a laugher, and so incredibly ruthless

I just,, he should have stayed a scholar. The ideas man. Fascinated with unraveling the mysteries the crew finds over the course of the plot, philosophizing with Ham, brilliant and emotionally intelligent and still doesn’t know what a hairbrush is. He’s their dreamer. Their unhinged genius running off of five cups of coffee and no sleep. He comes up with harebrained schemes and Vin goes “yeah I can pull that off” and then she does. That would make him about 500x more interesting in my book, it gives him the personality tension he lacks! He’s the kind of character who should be poised and well spoken, and instead his veins are made of caffeine, his hair is a mess, and it’s a small miracle his sentences are coherent

You could even still let him have Mistborn powers, if you really wanted too. Let Vin take the focus on iron and steel, the first things Kelsier taught her. Then let Elend do the emotional stuff. Taking the edge off the idea that his plans are utterly insane, and encouraging a little bit more reckless confidence in the crew. Kelsier might be gone, but he left a legacy in the two people he saved. Vin is his skill in allomancy, his power, his recklessness, his love. Elend is his dreams, his plans, his ability to engage a crowd. She’s got practical street smarts, he’s book smart. He says “my research says X is sound” and she says “okay” and filters it through a layer of practical experience on the streets so it can be pulled off.

Also axe relationship with Vin. Just let them be ride or die besties! Siblings! Platonic soulmates! Two peas in a pod, but not in love. They’d be way more interesting that way imo and tbh Vin needs regular friends her own age lol

[madumagia]

think harder about language, the terms you apply to your experiences, the labels you slap on yourself, what do these words really imply? what are the consequences of these words of mine? because they certainly become you and if you’re not too careful you just might lose yourself. nothing i can say can save you, but maybe the words you do or don’t say can

i don’t go online as much anymore but if one thing is clear to me from just a little bit of twitter scrolling, it’s that everyone is afraid of their own brain, their own patterns of thinking, whether or not these patterns are right or wrong, which are incredibly complex concepts largely unworked out in these people’s brains...

YOU are fine AS YOU ARE. you are likely an emotionally coherent, intelligent, CAPABLE person. the second you start telling yourself otherwise, you give up your agency to something or someone else - online politics might be the biggest thief in that regard, and there’s a plethora of ‘cults’ to fall into in that realm alone. choose what you direct your energy and meaning and spirituality to carefully! DO YOU REALLY WANT IT TO BE TWITTER POLITICS? is that really what you want your life to BE?

you don’t need anyone to tell you how or what to think! you don’t need me! you don’t need the next guy! all you need to do is trust in YOU!

[myw3magic]

Human + Machine: Optimizing Marketing Strategies in the Age of AI

The rapid advancements in artificial intelligence (AI) and machine learning (ML) have had a profound impact on the world of marketing. As AI continues to evolve, marketers are being presented with unprecedented opportunities to optimize their strategies and drive unprecedented results. In this blog post, we'll explore how the synergy between human expertise and machine intelligence can be leveraged to revolutionize modern marketing.

The Rise of AI in Marketing

AI has already infiltrated various aspects of the marketing landscape, from personalized product recommendations to automated content generation. Platforms like OpenAI's GPT-3 and Google's BERT have demonstrated the incredible potential of language models to create coherent and engaging content at scale. Simultaneously, advancements in computer vision and image recognition have enabled marketers to analyse visual data, extract insights, and personalize visual assets.

Beyond content creation, AI-powered tools are also transforming data analysis and decision-making. Predictive analytics algorithms can now forecast customer behaviour, identify high-value segments, and optimize marketing campaigns in real-time. Chatbots and virtual assistants are enhancing customer service and support, providing instantaneous, personalized responses to inquiries.

The Human-Machine Partnership

While the capabilities of AI are undoubtedly impressive, the true power lies in the synergistic relationship between human and machine. Marketers who can effectively leverage AI as a strategic partner will be poised to outperform their competitors.

Leveraging Human Creativity and Emotional Intelligence 

AI excels at processing and analysing vast amounts of data, identifying patterns, and making data-driven decisions. However, human marketers still possess the creative spark and emotional intelligence that is essential for crafting compelling narratives, engaging customers, and understanding the nuances of human behaviour.

By combining the analytical prowess of AI with the creative vision of human marketers, organizations can develop marketing campaigns that are both data-driven and emotionally resonant. AI can help identify the most effective messaging, imagery, and channels, while human marketers can refine and personalize the content to evoke the desired emotional response from the target audience.

Augmenting Human Decision-Making 

While AI can provide valuable insights and recommendations, the final decision-making process should involve a collaborative effort between humans and machines. Marketers should view AI as a decision-support tool, one that can surface relevant data, generate alternative scenarios, and simulate the potential outcomes of various strategies.

By carefully analysing the AI-generated insights and recommendations, human marketers can then apply their domain expertise, strategic thinking, and contextual understanding to make informed decisions. This human-machine partnership ensures that the final marketing strategies are well-rounded, taking into account both data-driven insights and human intuition.

Scaling Personalization and Customization 

One of the key advantages of AI in marketing is its ability to personalize and customize experiences at scale. By leveraging machine learning algorithms, marketers can analyse customer data, understand individual preferences and behaviour, and deliver highly personalized content, offers, and recommendations.

However, the most effective personalization strategies still require a human touch. Marketers should work in tandem with AI to fine-tune the personalization models, ensure alignment with brand messaging, and maintain a consistent customer experience. This collaboration allows organizations to deliver personalized experiences that are not only data-driven but also reflective of the brand's values and personality.

Enhancing Marketing Efficiency and Productivity 

AI-powered tools can automate numerous marketing tasks, such as content creation, campaign optimization, and lead scoring, freeing up valuable time and resources for human marketers. By delegating these repetitive, data-intensive tasks to AI, marketers can focus on higher-level strategic planning, creative ideation, and building stronger customer relationships.

Additionally, AI can help streamline workflows, optimize resource allocation, and identify opportunities for process improvement. By integrating AI into their marketing operations, organizations can enhance their overall efficiency and productivity, ultimately driving better results and a stronger return on investment.

Overcoming the Challenges of AI Adoption

While the benefits of the human-machine partnership in marketing are clear, the adoption of AI technology is not without its challenges. Marketers must navigate issues such as data quality, model interpretability, and ethical considerations to ensure the successful integration of AI into their strategies.

Data Quality and Bias Mitigation- The effectiveness of AI-powered marketing solutions is heavily dependent on the quality and accuracy of the underlying data. Marketers must invest in robust data management practices, ensuring that their customer data is clean, up-to-date, and representative of their target audience. Additionally, they must be vigilant in identifying and mitigating any biases that may be present in the data, as these can lead to skewed insights and suboptimal decision-making.

Transparency and Interpretability- As AI models become more complex, it can be challenging for human marketers to understand the reasoning behind the recommendations and predictions generated by these systems. Marketers should prioritize the adoption of AI tools that offer transparent and interpretable decision-making processes, allowing them to comprehend the logic behind the AI's suggestions and make informed adjustments as needed.

Ethical Considerations- The increasing use of AI in marketing raises important ethical considerations, such as data privacy, algorithmic bias, and the potential for manipulative or deceptive practices. Marketers must develop a clear understanding of the ethical implications of their AI-powered strategies and work closely with their legal and compliance teams to ensure adherence to relevant regulations and industry best practices.

Conclusion 

As the marketing landscape continues to evolve with the rapid advancements in AI, blockchain, and web3 technologies, it's crucial for modern marketers to stay on the cutting edge of industry trends and innovations. That's where the MyW3Magic community comes in.

MyW3Magic is a vibrant and forward-thinking community that brings together marketing professionals, technologists, and industry leaders to explore the latest developments in the world of web3, AI, and beyond. Through informative webinars, interactive workshops, and engaging discussions, MyW3Magic empowers its members to leverage emerging technologies and strategies to optimize their marketing efforts and stay ahead of the competition.

By joining the MyW3Magic community, marketers can gain valuable insights, network with like-minded peers, and unlock new opportunities to amplify their brand's impact in the digital landscape. 

[youdontjustgiveup]

August: Chapter 18

( ao3 | ff )

Previous Chapters: [link]

Summary: Blair takes care of Chuck, who is drunk and emotionally distressed.

Pairing: Chuck x Blair

Word Count: 3.8k

Rating: Teen And Up Audiences

Warnings: None

----------------------------

“Miss Waldorf,” Arthur called from the doorway, one hand poised on the knob and the other discreetly tucked behind his back. “Do you need anything else?”

“I’ve got it covered,” she replied.

With a nod, Chuck’s trusted driver quietly closed the door to Chuck’s room, leaving them alone in the thick silence. 

What should she do now? Where would they go from here?

Chuck sat on the edge of his bed, his eyes fixed on some distant point on the floor. It was impossible to discern what was going through his mind, if anything at all. He appeared lost, adrift in a sea of numbness. Exhaustion weighed heavily on his shoulders, evident in the slump of his posture. Throughout the ride, he had drifted in and out of consciousness, his words a slurred jumble of nonsense. Blair had tried to decipher it, but except for mentions of Bart, Nate, and even Lily, nothing coherent had left his lips. Not once had he voiced that bitch’s name, and for that she was grateful. Blair shook her head, trying to get rid of Georgina Sparks once and for all.

Do you like it? Seeing Chuck Bass forced to beg? Brought to his knees? I know I do. To have him wrapped around my finger, completely under my control.

There it was again. Power. Control. Dominance. What she had so desperately reveled in. To hold him at her mercy. To have him trapped beneath her, uttering her name, begging her to put him out of his misery. To have him lose all sense of time and space. To command his every move. To be the queen of his kingdom. The rush was incredible, unlike anything she had ever experienced. But in the echo of Georgina Sparks’ words, Blair realized it wasn’t solely about dominance, as she had previously believed. Instead, she began to understand that it encompassed something deeper: shared trust and understanding. Acceptance. That he was willing to give himself to her, to trust her with all that he was. He knelt, not in submission, but in reverence. It wasn’t really about control, not with him; it was about reciprocity. Power wasn’t wielded as a weapon; it was mutual empowerment. It was about freedom, not from constraints, but from the burdens they carried, and Georgina would never understand that. 

Darling, are you really counting on Chuck Bass to be your knight in shining armor? The one who’ll sweep in to rescue you from your demons?

Georgina had it all wrong. It was not a fairy tale she wanted, not a prince, not even a knight swooping in to save her from the big bad wolf. Not anymore. Her struggles, battles, and demons—they were hers to face, hers to conquer, to overcome. With him by her side if he chose, but still hers alone. No longer did she want to be her mother’s perfect little doll. Screw that. Blair was tough, resilient, and intelligent, but she was also manipulative, judgmental, and stubborn. Unapologetic. Chuck had never shied away from her, just as she had never shied away from him. Never once had he wavered in his pride for who she truly was. There was no need for him to play the hero; in fact, she’d despise him if he did. He’d always stood beside her as an equal, never above or below, but right there, standing shoulder to shoulder, facing the world at the same height. 

Are you in love with him, Blair?

Irrevocably so.

But as she looked at him, the realization, while somehow cathartic, also filled her with crippling fear. What if he didn’t? What if he couldn’t? What if his feelings weren’t as deep as her own? What if?  

What’s the matter? Do you honestly think he loves you? We both know he can’t.

Enough. That was enough. 

“All right,” she said. “I really need you to snap out of it.”

However, he remained fixated on that damn spot on the floor. It was as if he was in another world altogether, his attention elsewhere.

Blair approached Chuck until she was standing between his legs. Leaning forward, she tilted her head slightly, her hands framing his face as she drew his gaze to meet hers. “Hey there,” she murmured softly.

“Hi.”

“Hi. How are you feeling?” 

“Hmm?”

“Do you even understand a word I’m saying?”

“You’re beautiful,” he mumbled, his words out of place.

As if. 

After the crazy day they’d been through, Blair couldn’t even muster the energy to think about how awful she probably looked.

“This really isn’t the time,” Blair replied, her cheeks flushing despite herself. “You need to focus.”

“No, seriously. You are beautiful.”

“Chuck…”

“What? It’s true.”

“Let’s save the sweet talk until you’re a little more coherent, okay?”

“Who says I’m not coherent right now?” 

Blair rolled her eyes in mock exasperation, but beneath the carefully constructed façade, a sweet warmth blossomed in her chest at his words, accompanied by the undeniable flutter of excitement that never failed to stir within her whenever she was near him.

Butterflies.

Chuck lifted his fingers to her cheek and brushed a strand of hair from her face. His touch was feathery and delicate as he began to play with it, twirling the curl between his fingertips.

“It’s so soft,” he marveled. “I love how soft it is. Look, touch it.”

Blair chuckled softly. “I don’t need to touch my own hair, Chuck.”

“I love it so much.”

“Almost as much as you love your checkered scarf?”

“Almost as much as I…”

Her breath caught in her throat. “Almost as much as you what?”

“Almost as much as I love a perfectly aged Scotch…” His voice trailed off for a moment. “Or a well-tailored suit.”

Of course. 

“Look where that perfectly aged Scotch got us.”

“Don’t insult the scotch, Waldorf.”

He continued to run his fingers through her hair as if nothing else in the world mattered. His other hand rested on the back of her thigh, pulling her closer, further trapping her between his legs. A shiver ran down her spine, awakening a wave of pleasure she couldn’t quite ignore. What she also couldn’t ignore was his split lip, a reminder of the day’s events, nor could she shake the image of him passed out earlier. 

Worry and desire intertwined. 

“How are you feeling?” she asked again, her worry winning the internal battle. “Are you feeling any better?”

“I’m feeling good,” he said, releasing her hair. “Do you know why I’m feeling so good?”

Blair laughed. “Because you’re extremely drunk?”

“I’m not.”

“You are.”

“If I was that drunk, I wouldn’t even remember that you owe me a kiss.”

“Don’t be absurd.”

“Well, unfortunate for you, I have an impeccable memory for debts owed.”

“I wouldn’t exactly describe your memory as impeccable right now,” Blair replied, a playful glint in her eyes, though her knees weakened as Chuck stood up, closing the small distance between them. With each passing moment, their faces drew closer, causing her pulse to quicken. Her lips parted slightly as she moistened them with a flick of her tongue, her focus solely on his mouth.

“Waldorf,” he murmured, his voice dropping to a husky whisper. 

Blair swallowed hard, her heart racing at the sound of her surname in his lips. “Bass,” she reciprocated.

Desire rippled through her, an intense molten heat igniting in the depths of her abdomen. Every nerve end tingled, sending electrical impulses at a rapid pace. Everywhere. The urge to lose herself in him threatened to overwhelm her.

“Can we go sit on the beach?” he asked.

Damn it. 

He wasn’t in complete control of his faculties, and Blair knew she had to keep it together. For both of their sakes. As much as she wanted to throw caution to the wind, they needed to talk first. Really talk. Blair couldn’t do that when his body was more alcohol than water.

With great effort, Blair forced herself to step back. “No,” she replied firmly. “We cannot.”

“But I do enjoy the waves,” he said. 

“Of course you do. But I have no desire to fish you out of the water.” 

“Tousled and dripping wet. What a sight.” 

Incorrigible. He was incorrigible. But God, did she love it. 

“More like a wet rat at this point,” she said.

Chuck’s smirk appeared slightly as he met her gaze, his eyes momentarily clouded with drunken amusement. “Ah, but the finest and most perfect wet rat I’ll ever lay eyes on.”

Blair slapped him on the shoulder. 

“Someone as stunning as you would never look like that, and you damn well know it,” he asserted as confidently as he could.

“Your judgment is clearly impaired.” 

“Yeah, yeah, I get it. I’m drunk. But you know the saying: only children and drunks speak the truth.”

The stench of alcohol hung heavy in the air, mingling with the scent of sweat. 

He sat again.

“Have you ever wondered if we’re all just pawns in a larger scheme, destined to play out our roles regardless of our desires?” Chuck asked after a while.

Blair considered his question. “You know, maybe life hands us all different cards,” she mused, “but what really matters is how we choose to play them. And I, for one, refuse to let anyone else dictate my fate. Not anymore.” 

She doubted he understood the depth of her words, but she spoke them anyway.

Without preamble, he posed another question. “Have you ever wondered if we’re destined to repeat the same mistakes over and over again?” 

“Only if we’re foolish enough not to learn from them.”

“Are we?” He looked lost in thought. “Foolish.”

“Never again.”

Then, as if switching gears completely, Chuck took her by surprise. “Have you ever wondered if penguins have knees?”

Blair burst into laughter, the sound dancing through the stillness of the room like a melody. “What’s gotten into you?” she exclaimed, her head shaking in disbelief. “No, I have not.”

He stared at her, deeply. As if recognizing every part of her soul.

“What?” she asked. “What’s wrong?”

“You really are beautiful, Blair.” 

The sincerity took her breath away.

And, for once, she simply accepted Chuck’s compliment, her usual defenses melting away. “You’re not so bad yourself,” she replied softly, a genuine smile on her lips.

Her concern returned when his eyes closed again. “Let’s get you sobered up,” she said, unable to ignore the risks of leaving him in bed like this. With no gag reflex, he could choke on his own vomit and suffocate if he passed out again. Years of taking care of Serena van der Woodsen had taught her that lesson well. “A quick shower might help you feel more like yourself again.” 

With practiced ease, Blair knelt beside him, carefully slipping off his summer shoes and setting them aside before taking her own sandals off with equal care. Every move was efficient as she worked to make them both more comfortable.

“Eager, are we?” he teased.

“Shut up.”

Undeterred by her rebuff, Chuck leaned in closer. “You know you love it,” he murmured, his breath warm against her ear.

“Focus,” Blair insisted, rising to her feet, and reaching out to grasp his hand. “We have a task at hand.”

“Didn’t you know that multitasking is one of my many talents?”

“Says the guy who can’t even stay on his feet without his face making friends with the floor,” she urged, “Come on. You need to wake up, and this is the fastest way to do it.”

“I just need to sleep it off.”

“I am not leaving you like this.”

“Are you always this determined?”

“You have no idea.”

“Well, if you’re offering to be my personal nurse, who am I to deny such tempting care?”

Blair led Chuck into the lavish en-suite bathroom off his bedroom, where the cool marble floors offered a refreshing contrast to the warmth of his room. 

“You are quite small without heels,” he remarked once inside. “So… petite.”

The sound of running water filled her ears as she turned on the shower and adjusted the temperature until it was cold. Perhaps, she thought, a taste of reality would make him stop spewing nonsense. “Is there anything else you’d like to say about my appearance?”

Chuck swayed slightly on his feet, but Blair stepped closer and steadied him with a firm grip on his arm. 

“If I could just tuck you in my pocket and keep you there forever, I would.”

Blair raised an eyebrow. “Are you trying to be romantic?” 

“Is it working?”

“Maybe if it didn’t sound like you were planning to kidnap me, I might consider the proposal.”

With a playful nudge, she pushed him under the water’s icy embrace. Instantly, Chuck recoiled, his drunken stupor momentarily interrupted by the shock of the cold. He let out a startled yelp, his body tensing as he tried to get used to the bitter temperature.

“Jesus, Waldorf,” he protested. 

“You deserve it.” 

Chuck grumbled under his breath, but he made no further move to protest as the water continued to pour over him, slowly sobering his intoxicated senses. Blair stood nearby, fully clothed, arms tightly crossed. 

She couldn’t just leave him alone, could she? What if he slipped or something? 

He ran a hand through his hair, pushing it from his eyes. “If only I had known.”

“What do you mean?”

“That I had to pass out drunk to get you into the shower with me.” 

Blair snorted. “You’re in the shower all by yourself, in case you haven’t noticed.” 

He shamelessly checked her out. “Though I had imagined you with much less clothing.”

His remark seemed to remind him that he was also fully clothed, and without hesitation, he started to remove his pants and shirt.

“What… what are you doing?” Blair stuttered. 

The fabric pooled at his feet as he tossed each piece with careless abandon. “Clothes are sticking, and it’s disgusting. I’m not about to shower like this.”

Her protests dissolved into a wordless murmur as she drank in the sight before her, tracing the lines of his body with a hunger that bordered on desperation. Well, at least he had the decorum to keep his boxers on, though Blair wasn’t sure if that was for her benefit or his. After all, when had Chuck Bass ever cared about decency?

The day had been endless and for the first time, watching him, she felt like she was losing her goddamn mind. The primal, raw need returned in full force, and as the water slid down his skin, she wondered if it would always be like this: him, her, the magnetic, inevitable pull between them. 

“The intention wasn’t for you to shower, just to wake up,” Blair cleared her throat, her voice betraying her. 

“I was already woken up,” he retorted. “And just so you know, that plan of yours had more holes than one of dear Humphrey’s unfinished novels.”

Blair was practically dripping with want, and it took every ounce of her willpower to stop herself from jumping at him. Every moment they had shared, whether in her bed or his, the playful teasing, the tender and not so tender touches, the realization of her feelings, they were all building up, and her body was practically begging for release. Blair didn’t want to hold back any longer, but she had to. They needed to have a serious conversation, and it was impossible to focus when he looked so irresistible. When all rational thought seemed to flee from her mind. 

“Stay here,” she instructed. “I’ll be right back.”

Before Blair could step away, Chuck’s arm wrapped around her, pulling her into the spray of water with him. “You’re not going anywhere.”

“Chuck...” Blair’s grip on his arm tightened as she was dragged into the cold water, her clothes quickly becoming soaked. “Stop,” she admonished, trying to keep her composure even as her body went wild at the contact. “We can’t do this.”

“Says who?”

“Me.”

“You want it as much as I do.”

“No.”

“I don’t believe you.”

“You don’t know what you’re doing.”

“I know exactly what I’m doing.”

Why resist? Why try to fight it? What was the point anyway? Blair wanted it, Chuck wanted it; that was the crux of the matter, wasn’t it? Giving in to your desires had never hurt anyone before. Well, maybe it had, but Blair was past the point of caring. Just one kiss. Just momentarily, then she would go back to her original plan. She promised herself.

Blair kissed him then, as if the floodgates had finally burst open after years of restraint, despite having been together that very morning. And he kissed her back just as eagerly, making the blood in her veins instantly boil. Her hands instinctively found their way to his shoulders as she stood on tiptoes, greedily tracing the nape of his neck and leaving faint marks with her nails. She pressed herself against him. Hard. Just before he slipped his tongue into her mouth, Chuck teased her lower lip, drawing forth a moan from deep inside her.

That was it, right? It was enough. They could stop now. 

With a low growl, Chuck yanked off her mini skirt, letting it drop to the floor. He kicked it away with one foot before pressing their hips together once more, grinding against her in an absolutely delicious way that made her forget there was even a plan in the first place. To feel such an obvious sign of need from him was utterly intoxicating. 

Fuck.

She was beyond saving. 

The water continued to pour between them, its icy droplets mingling with the heat of their touches. The cold was too harsh, too jarring, so she pulled away from Chuck to raise the temperature to a soothing warmth. He brushed her hair aside and dropped his lips to her shoulder, running his palms up and down her back.

Blair needed more of him. Needed it like she needed oxygen. 

She raised her arms, silently urging him to remove her soaked blouse, and he did, his hands lingering on her skin as he peeled away the fabric. The bra followed suit, its clasp undone. Chuck pulled back slightly to take her in, his eyes saying what words could not convey. Without hesitation, she pounced on him, her lips crashing against his in a desperate kiss that nearly knocked them both over. Blair could feel his entire body against hers, inch by inch. From the warmth of his chest against her breasts to the subtle flexing of his muscles against her abdomen.

Guiding his hand beneath the waistband of her panties, she gasped at the first brush of his fingers against her skin. Waves of pleasure surged through her body as he teased her entrance, sending her senses into overdrive. A loud moan escaped her lips, which he muffled by kissing her harder. Lost in the moment, Blair couldn’t help but bite down on his lower lip, consumed by desire.

However, a small yelp from him snapped her back to reality.

“Ow,” he winced. 

“What?” she asked, breathless.

His split lip had reopened, and Blair froze, the memory of the last few hours hitting her like a bucket of cold water. 

“I… I’m sorry,” Blair stammered, her voice barely audible over the sound of the shower.

He didn’t let her go, his hand resting gently but firmly on her waist.

“Hey, ‘I’m sorry’ are two words you never have to say to me,” he said. “Especially not for this.” 

“I should have known better,” she insisted. 

“It’s not your fault.”

“But—”

“It’s not.”

“You scared me to death today.”

“It’s nothing I can’t handle. I’ve been through worse.” 

“That’s not healthy. I hate seeing you put yourself in danger every time things go south.”

“I think we’re beyond just ‘things going south’ now,” he admitted somberly.

“It wasn’t your fault either.”

His expression changed completely.  “It was, Blair. All of it.”

If she had taken twenty steps forward, it now felt like she was being pulled fifty steps back. 

“If I hadn’t…” he interrupted before she could articulate her thoughts. 

What did he mean by that?

“If you hadn’t what?” Her voice rose. “Kissed me? Touched me? Wanted me? What shouldn’t you have done, Chuck? Because, last time I checked, I wanted you to do all those things. We both did.”

“You know it’s not that simple,” he countered.

“It is.”

“Why do you care so much?” 

“Why shouldn’t I?” 

“Because I’m me. I’m Chuck Bass. Why should anyone bother caring about me when not even my own father does?”

“A lot of people care about you. Including me.”

“Why?”

“Because I…” But she couldn’t bring herself to say the words aloud, the fear of rejection clawing at her insides. “You know why.”

“I really don’t.”

“Because I do, Chuck. Whether you like it or not.”

He didn’t say anything back.

With the magic of the moment gone, Blair cupped his chin, tilting his head up to examine him closely. “Let’s get out of here so I can take care of this.”

Once Chuck’s lip was taken care of, he retired to bed while she retreated to the shower to immerse herself once more in the cascade of water. Every drop that caressed her skin reignited the memory of his touch and sent shivers down her spine. Closing her eyes, Blair fought to steady her racing heartbeat, the echo of their intimacy still fresh in her mind. They had been so close, and the mere thought of it left her breathless.

Much to her dismay, she found herself reaching for Chuck’s shampoo, the familiar scent enveloping her as she lathered her hair. With each rinse, she hoped to wash away the desire that consumed her, finding solace in the simple act of cleaning up.

Blair reached for a towel and gently patted her hair dry, not wanting to go to bed with wet hair. The soft cotton absorbed the moisture, leaving her hair slightly damp but manageable.

Stepping out of the shower, Blair wrapped herself in his robe, the soft fabric a source of comfort against her skin. Had it not been for her lack of willpower, the night might have taken them to a place far removed from the present. Did she regret any of it? No, not really. It wasn’t the potential fulfillment that unsettled her, but rather the reality of its absence. 

Blair walked over to Chuck’s closet and picked out a crisp white shirt to replace the robe. As she fastened the buttons one by one, she watched Chuck lying on the bed with his eyes closed, his troubled expression weighing on her heart.

With a heavy sigh, she sank back into the soft pillows, exhaustion pulling at her limbs. Tomorrow would be another day. They would talk things out, and everything would be fine. Everything would fall back into place. But for now, in the silence of the night, all that mattered was the steady rise and fall of his chest as she nestled against him.

Little did she know, as she drifted off to sleep, that come morning, Chuck would be gone.

[sisturn]

// brother and i attacked fuelweaver yesterday (and failed horrendously due to me forgetting weatherpains) so it’s got me thinking abt canon-verse abby having sanity just like the survivors… everything effects her far less than it would a living person and she has a much higher threshold of tolerance, but shadow monsters will still spawn and attack her—in game terms, unlike the survivors, if she’s below half sanity then the monsters will be aggressive. abigail can’t really fight the monsters at all and would have to completely rely on someone else to help her.

the lower her sanity is, the less coherent she is (even to wendy) and the more mindlessly aggressive she becomes. more than one potion being applied to her saps at her sanity for two reasons, one being that she doesn’t enjoy the mixed feelings the concoctions give her.

additionally, i’m also thinking abt how abby is… definitely not a regular ghost by many means. in the constant, the moon tends to play in revival and disturbance of ghosts and stuff, cause the ghosts only appear from graves on full moons(or from set pieces); whereas the shadows can’t do that on their own. since abigail was specifically brought into the constant by the throne’s power, her ectoplasmic composition has nightmare fuel in it. because of this, she doesn’t have the bluish tint that moon-pulled constant ghosts do and can operate independently.

abigail still has a temper due to the violent nature of ghosts as a species, but she’s far more emotionally intelligent than the hostile ghosts in regards that she can calm down from being angry and has the capacity to be completely mellow when in the right circumstances(e.g. when her flower is placed on an active sisturn or if she’s directly and firmly told to be calm via her flower).

abby is still affected by the moon. the full moon causes her to be in a permanent rile up state, and mourning glories temporarily delude the potency of the nightmare fuel in her ectoplasm, making her more vulnerable to alterations and physical interactions. that’s primarily how potions are so effective on her, and how the nightshade nostrom works to make her aggressively powerful even in daylight. this is also the other reason why it’s incredibly dangerous for her to have more then one effect applied at the same time—if her ectoplasm is thinned enough, it takes a toll on her mental state and general health.

[paenling]

no ones saying you cant enjoy daniil? people like him as a character but mostly Because he’s an asshole and he’s interesting. the racism and themes of colonization in patho are so blatant

nobody said “by order of Law you are forbidden from enjoying daniil dankovsky in any capacity”, but they did say “if you like daniil dankovsky you are abnormal, problematic, and you should be ashamed of yourself”, so i’d call that an implicit discouragement at the least. not very kind.

regardless, he is a very interesting asshole and we love to make fun of him! but i do not plan to stop seeing his character in an empathetic light when appropriate to do so. we’re all terribly human.

regarding “the racism and themes of colonization in patho”, we’ve gotta have a sit-down for this one because it’s long and difficult. tl;dr here.

i’ve written myself all back and forth and in every direction trying to properly pin down the way i feel about this in a way that is both logically coherent and emotionally honest, but it’s not really working. i debated even responding at all, but i do feel like there are some things worth saying so i’m just going to write a bunch of words, pick a god, and pray it makes some modicum of sense.

the short version: pathologic 2 is a flawed masterwork which i love deeply, but its attempts to be esoteric and challenging have in some ways backfired when it comes to topical discussions such as those surrounding race, which the first game didn’t give its due diligence, and the second game attempted with incomplete success despite its best efforts.

the issue is that when you have a game that is so niche and has these “elevated themes” and draws from all this kind of academic highbrow source material -- the fandom is small, but the fandom consists of people who want to analyze, pathologize, and dissect things as much as possible. so let’s do that.

first: what exactly is racist or colonialist in pathologic? i’m legitimately asking. people at home: by what mechanism does pathologic-the-game inflict racist harm on real people? the fact that the Kin are aesthetically and linguistically inspired by the real-world Buryat people (& adjacent groups) is a potential red flag, but as far as i can tell there’s never any value judgement made about either the fictionalized Kin or the real-world Buryat. the fictional culture is esoteric to the player -- intended to be that way, in fact -- but that’s not an inherently bad thing. it’s a closed practice and they’re minding their business.

does it run the risk of being insensitive with sufficiently aggressive readings? absolutely, but i don’t think that’s racist by itself. they’re just portrayed as a society of human beings (and some magical ones, if you like) that has flaws and incongruences just as the Town does. it’s not idealizing or infantilizing these people, but by no means does it go out of its way to villainize them either. there is no malice in this depiction of the Kin. 

is it the fact that characters within both pathologic 1 & 2 are racist? that the player can choose to say racist things when inhabiting those characters? no, because pathologic-the-game doesn’t endorse those things. they’re throwaway characterization lines for assholes. acknowledging that racism exists does not make a media racist. see more here.

however, i find it’s very important to take a moment and divorce the racial discussions in a game like pathologic 2 from the very specific experiences of irl western (particularly american) racism. it’s understandable for such a large chunk of the english-speaking audience to read it that way; it makes sense, but that doesn’t mean it’s correct. although it acknowledges the relevant history to some extent, on account of being set in 1915, pathologic 2 is not intended to be a commentary about race, and especially not current events, and especially especially not current events in america. it’s therefore unfair, in my opinion, to attempt to diagnose it with any concrete ideology or apply its messages to an american racial paradigm.

it definitely still deals with race, but it always, to me, seemed to come back around the exploitation of race as an ultimately arbitrary division of human beings, and the story always strove to be about human beings far more than it was ever about race. does it approach this topic perfectly? no, but it’s clearly making an effort. should we be aware of where it fails to do right by the topic? yes, definitely, but we should also be charitable in our interpretations of what the writers were actually aiming for, rather than reactionarily deeming them unacceptable and leaving it at that. do we really think the writers for pathologic 2 sat down and said “we’re going to go out of our way to be horrible racists today”? i don’t.

IPL’s writing team is a talented lot, and dybowski as lead writer has the kinds of big ideas that elevate a game to a work of art, particularly because he’s not afraid to get personal. on that front, some discussion is inescapable as pathologic 2 deals in a lot of racial and cultural strife, because it’s clearly something near to the his heart, but as i understand it was never really meant to be a narrative “about” race, at least not exclusively so, and especially not in the same sense as the issue is understood by the average American gamer. society isn't a monolith and the contexts are gonna change massively between different cultures who have had, historically, much different relationships with these concepts.

these themes are “so blatant” in pathologic 2 because clearly, on some level, IPL wanted to start a discussion. I think it’s obvious that they wanted to make the audience uncomfortable with the choices they were faced with and the characters they had to inhabit -- invoke a little ostranenie, as it were, and force an emotional breaking point. in the end the game started a conversation and i think that’s something that was done in earnest, despite its moments of obvious clumsiness. 

regarding colonialism, this is another thing that the game is just Not About. we see the effects and consequences of colonialism demonstrated in the world of pathologic, and it’s something we’re certainly asked to think about from time to time, but the actual plot/narrative of the game is not about overcoming or confronting explicitly colonialist constructs, etc. i personally regard this as a bit of a missed opportunity, but it’s just not what IPL was going for.

instead they have a huge focus, as discussed somewhat in response to this ask, on the broader idea of powerful people trying to create a “utopia” at the mortal cost of those they disempower, which is almost always topical as far as i’m concerned, and also very Russian.

i think there was some interview where it was said that the second game was much more about “a mechanism that transforms human nature” than the costs of utopia, but it’s still a persistent enough theme to be worth talking about both as an abstraction of colonialism as well as in its more-likely intended context through the lens of wealth inequality, environmental destruction & government corruption as universal human issues faced by the marginalized classes. i think both are important and intelligent readings of the text, and both are worth discussion.

both endings of pathologic 2 involve sacrifice in the name of an “ideal world” where it’s impossible to ever be fully satisfied. in the Diurnal Ending, Artemy is tormented over the fate of the Kin and the euthanasia of his dying god and all her miracles, but he needs to have faith that the children he’s protected will grow up better than their parents and create a world where he and his culture will be immortalized in love. in the Nocturnal Ending, he’s horrified because in preserving the miracle-bound legacy of his people as a collective, he’s un-personed himself to the individuals he loves, but he needs to have faith that the uniqueness and magic of the resurrected Earth was precious enough to be worth that sacrifice. neither ending is fair. it’s not fair that he can’t have both, but that’s the idea. because that “utopia” everyone’s been chasing is an idol that distracts from the important work of being a human being and doing your best in a flawed world. 

because pathologic’s themes as a series are so very “Russian turn-of-the-century” and draw a ton of stylistic and topical inspiration from the theatre and literature of that era, i don’t doubt that it’s also inherited some of its inspirational literature’s missteps. however, because the game’s intertextuality is so incredibly dense it’s difficult to construct a super cohesive picture of its actual messaging. a lot of its references and themes will absolutely go over your head if you enter unprepared -- this was true for me, and it ended up taking several passes and a bunch of research to even begin appreciating the breadth of its influences.

(i’d argue this is ultimately a good thing; i would never have gone and picked up Camus or Strugatsky, or even known who Antonin Artaud was at all if i hadn’t gone in with pathologic! my understanding is still woefully incomplete and it’s probably going to take me a lot more effort to get properly fluent in the ideology of the story, but that’s the joy of it, i think. :) i’m very lucky to be able to pursue it in this way.)

anyway yes, pathologic 2 is definitely very flawed in a lot of places, particularly when it tries to tackle race, but i’m happy to see it for better and for worse. the game attempts to discuss several adjacent issues and stumbles as it does so, but insinuating it to be in some way “pro-racist” or “pro-colonialist” or whatever else feels kind of disingenuous to me. they’re clearly trying, however imperfectly, to do something intriguing and meaningful and empathetic with their story.

even all this will probably amount to a very disjointed and incomplete explanation of how pathologic & its messaging makes me feel, but what i want -- as a broader approach, not just for pathologic -- is for people to be willing to interpret things charitably. 

sometimes things are made just to be cruel, and those things should be condemned, but not everything is like that. it’s not only possible but necessary to be able to acknowledge flaws or mistakes and still be kind. persecuting something straight away removes any opportunity to examine it and learn from it, and pathologic happens to be ripe with learning experiences. 

it’s all about being okay with ugliness, working through difficult nuances with grace, and the strength of the human spirit, and it’s a story about love first and foremost, and i guess we sort of need that right now. it gave me some of its love, so i’m giving it some of my patience.

[shepherds-of-haven]

Heyyy! I’m sorry if this has been asked before, but how often do the ROs dream? What do they usually dream about too (like how often do they have nightmares)? I love your work sm, it’s just so incredible I don’t even have the words!! Just know you have my eternal respect and appreciation!!! (and Blade is such a sweetheart <3)

Hi there, good question! And thank you so much for the lovely words, they really made my day! <3

Blade: Typically he just has those pitch-black “nothing” sleeps and doesn’t dream; he only dreams when he’s like totally relaxed or totally exhausted, which is probably 1/10 times. Of those times, maybe 5%-10% are nightmares, and the rest of the time they tend to be just memories that are slightly different or realistic scenarios like waking up and going to work at the Shepherds compound--nothing crazy!

Trouble: he tends to dream 8 or 9 times out of 10, but his dreams are very fragmented and fantastical and seem short, like he’s skydiving and his parachute is a pair of wings that sprout from his back, or he goes to work but everyone has a pig face, etc.! He doesn’t tend to have nightmares all that often, maybe once a year, and that tends to be about the Equalists, but that’s gotten better as he’s gotten older!

Tallys: Elves tend to place a lot of significance in dreams. Tallys doesn’t dream very much anymore, not since what happened to her clan; when she does dream, the dreams tend to have a slightly prophetic slant (not that they are actually predicting the future, but they seem (to her) to forebode something about it). She doesn’t have nightmares very often, but when she does, she goes on long night walks through the city to avoid sleeping again and returns at dawn, which is how a discerning person might know!

Shery: she tends to dream pretty much every night: sometimes it’s just a pleasant day kind of dream, sometimes it’s a steamy dream (if she’s been reading romance novels late into the night), and sometimes it’s a nightmare, maybe 20% of the time. Her nightmares tend to be, like, she’s about to go on stage for a play but she doesn’t know any of her lines, or she’s taking a test but naked!

Riel: Riel tends to dream 8/10 out of the time, but he doesn’t dream so much as work in his sleep. Like he sees vividly in his mind the paper in front of him, and sees himself writing the words, and they’re coherent and intelligible, and when he wakes up, it’s as if he’d worked all night, because he can remember what he did in his sleep and writes it down and saves himself the time. If you think this is unrealistic, this is actually how I tend to dream, so we share that in common!

Chase: when Chase sleeps, he tends to have that sort of skimming, dreamless sleep where you could wake in an instant at the slightest noise and not feel groggy or disorientated--almost as if you weren’t really asleep at all. When he falls into a deeper sleep (rare), he tends to dream 50% of the time--and half of that time tends to be nightmares. As a result, he never sleeps “deeply” if he’s sharing someone’s bed unless they’re deep in a romanced relationship, which hasn’t happened to him yet. 

Red: Red tends to dream 9 times out of 10, sometimes very vivid dreams (typically of his goals and fantasies) and other times more fragmented, vague, or silly dreams that don’t make a lot of sense. He tends to have nightmares only once or twice a year, typically “what if” scenarios of things in his past that could have gone terribly wrong but never did in real life!

Ayla: She dreams maybe half of the time, and her dreams are nearly always about things in her past or things she regrets. Given the hardships of her life, that means a lot of the time these dreams are nightmares, but she’s used to them and not too affected emotionally when she wakes up!

Briony: her dreams tend to be things she doesn’t understand: fragments of feelings and sights and colors and people and voices that she can’t tell are imaginary or are memories of real people she once knew. This can distress her, and she dreams about half the time. Sometimes she doesn��t have nightmares, exactly, but she wakes up with that choking pressure on her chest, gasping for air, so it feels like she had a nightmare but can’t remember what it was about and only remembers the sense of terror she had upon waking. 

Lavinet: she tends to dream maybe 7 or 8 times out of 10, and her dreams tend to be pretty realistic, like she’s going to visit a friend for a game of hazards (it’s sort of like croquet). She never tends to have nightmares!

[anniesardors]

I know we have ZERO information about the new season, but what your predictions for the 9x01?

I'm asking to you because I love your comments very coherents and Intelligents!

We have such little information, that maybe these are more hopes than predictions, but here we go

The episode starts off at the hospital. It’s super angsty. The whole team is there and it resembles that hospital scene in 5x22. Only this time, it’s good news.

Kim is fine. There have been rumors that Marina, Paddy and Ramona (the little girl who plays Makayla) were filming at Kim’s apartment, so I’m predicting that she is fine and we are gonna get a really sweet Burzek scene where Adam is taking care of Kim.

Jay figures out something is going on with Hailey. He knows her and he knows that something was bothering her when she proposed. He tells her he loves her and he wants to marry her, but on their own time. However, he is straight up pissed with Voight.

Voight is AWOL for a bit. Maybe he is trying to cover up what happened in 8x16. Who knows. When Jay finally sees him though, he lets him have it.

Things are incredibly tense between the whole team. They have a case and its incredibly difficult to work together after everything that has happened. There is not the same level of trust and respect anymore. I feel like that is going to be the majority of the episode, setting up how strained their relationships have become, and it is going to end it with this uneasy sense about the state of the team.

After that, I am really hoping for either a longer Hailey or Kim storyline. I would love a storyline about how Hailey navigates what happened with Voight and then for Kim, how she physically and emotionally heals. But, I guess we will see what happens in a few weeks!

[remythologise]

I don't even watch SPN but all the rants got me super intrigued, is it possible to get a layman's summary of what's going on? I think I understand why the Destiel canon confession thing got everyone mad but what happened after? What's the meta narrative everyone's talking about? Was there an expectation of something and they didn't deliver? Just super curious feel free to ignore if you don't have the time x

Hey anon! Sorry for flooding your dash haha. Layman’s summary is as follows:

Of the people watching SPN and shipping Destiel in season 15, most don’t expect it to be canon. A small group of people are providing meta being like it’s DEFINITELY going canon, but 500 times bitten 600 times shy, most don’t believe them. Now I wanna say, this meta - on the most part - makes sense. It does. It just assumes a smarter show than I think Supernatural is.

Season 12-15, from when Dabb takes over as showrunner, is emotionally about building a family around ‘Jack’ a nephilim child who considers Sam, Dean and Cas his ‘three dads’. They love him as a son, textually this is stated many times. 

Season 15 is a meta narrative in which the characters face off against God, ‘the Author’. The Author also represents the SPN writers. Many people believed that this meant the end of the show would be Sam and Dean being ‘free’ of the narrative that had chained them, which is, to SPN’s credit, exactly what happened (if executed extremely fucking poorly.) The defeat of God is the one plot point in 15.19 I liked, even if I don’t like how it was done.

During this season and to be honest, many previous seasons, there’s a really subtle Dean/Cas narrative being drawn, and when I say ‘subtle’, I mean like, it’s loud for an intelligent show, but quiet for a CW show where nothing is written subtly. And this season, there’s a beautiful line being strung through about free will, about how Castiel had free will, how he fell for Dean, outside the narrative. Outside of the author’s intention. It matches up with the meta arc.

15.18 airs, Destiel goes canon with Cas’ confession, suddenly everything is on the table. The show REALLY IS intelligent enough to understand that amazing meta narrative; the characters falling in love outside the author’s plan. They really bring it into canon. Suddenly, all the bi flag lighting and weird tap dance scenes in this season make SENSE. And I mean that sincerely; it was like the arc of the season was completely locked into place with this. Everything had a place to fall into. Everyone is very excited for the end, because surely, surely, this being a grand epic narrative where one main character confesses to another, Castiel would not stay dead. The narrative had showed us that Dean loved him, through mixtapes given and unmatched grief for his death and choked off prayers. And tap dancing with lamps, if you read into that.

I think the problem is that the Dean/Cas arc was written subtly by the talented writers who love it, and for that reason it’s far better than anything else in season 15. And I think people wrongly assumed that Dean would be allowed to love a man in return, despite the narrative imperative he return Cas’ love (Cas being a character who has never really been treated the way he deserved, and a happy ending being the antithesis to Chuck/The Author’s desired tragic ending) Which brings us to

15.19 airs, and it’s a complete clusterfuck. The episode itself is the worst I’ve seen, hands down. The writing is terrible, the ending is anti-climatic, they have montages that are supposed to be emotional but just seem like random clips of random characters to completely incorrect music choices. Not only that, but the characters end the episode emotionally OOC in a way I’ve never seen before. At the start of the episode, Dean begs God/Chuck to bring Cas back to life. Chuck has the power to do this; we see this when he resurrects Lucifer from the same place Cas is. At the end of the episode, Jack, despite having acquired God’s powers, resurrects EVERYONE IN THE WORLD, but not Castiel. Castiel is not mentioned, by Jack - the son who adored him, and who he adored - and not by Dean - who had just received a love confession from him, and had not twenty minutes earlier begged God to kill him and Sam and bring back everyone especially Cas. Hello?

There are so many plotholes and canon continuity errors and dropped plot points with 15.19 but let me say the most glaring wrt Cas; in s15, Ruby asks Cas to free her from the Empty. She says it’s eternal suffering for demons and angels there. We know the Empty hates Cas. Lucifer, in this ep, mentions the Empty being a fucking nightmare. And yet DESPITE ALL OF THIS, Castiel is left there to suffer. And the writers it seems are pretending that the Empty is meant to be ‘peaceful’, despite this being mentioned nowhere in text. 

At the end of the episode, Sam and Dean toast to Jack and Castiel, to the ‘ones they lost’ and then just seem to be happy and fine with everything. Sam doesn’t even mention his love interest, Eileen, who he had been panicking over being dead. And full smile coming from the man, Dean Winchester, who was textually suicidal last time he thought Castiel was dead. What??? But it really does seem like the family was just broken up without any emotional catharsis and Castiel’s confession won’t be addressed.

As far as we are aware, Misha Collins is not returning and the next ep is a Monster of the Week brother-centred ‘classic’ episode finale.

So basically; everything intelligent we thought was happening in the story was mostly a lie, Dean/Castiel was no-homo’d out of being a beautiful never before seen meta narrative love story (well, a reciprocated one), the family dynamic of Team Free Will was horribly broken up with no emotional coherence or catharsis, and most of this seems to be a poorly written excuse to have the two brothers alone again. Oh, and also, Castiel is an incredibly tragic queer figure who spent the whole show suffering, dying, and serving the man he loved, and got sent to super-turbo-hell for it. And NONE of the dropped plot threads or emotional threads are gonna be picked back up, barring a miracle surprise appearance from Misha Collins in 15.20 - but even then, how do you excuse Jack walking out, and forgetting to bring Cas back to life? How do you excuse Dean suddenly giving up on Cas as soon as it’s possible to revive him again... what, because he’s gay for Dean now? How do you excuse any of it? 

[doctorguilty]

I know I gush a lot as it is and I feel guilty about the pda.. the long distance gets to me, since I can't bring my partner into social settings, meet my friends and such.. posting publicly is some kind of comfort. And I guess I do deserve it ...... I've been through a lot......... anyway

I'm sleepy and maybe not all the way coherent, but despite everything that's happened this year, I've been the happiest I've ever been thanks to @robotejones ... I've never, ever in my entire 27 years of life felt as loved by another human being as Max makes me feel. What I thought was love, towards me and what I felt towards others, was an absolute joke compared to how it is now. In any other relationship, in a year's time it would have already been trashed, through my doing or the others doing.. but there hasn't been a single day I questioned my feelings, felt unsatisfied, wanted to leave, felt hurt or abused, repulsed, or anything else like that.. the loving spark I feel has literally done nothing but grow larger and I've never experienced such a thing..

Max is incredible beyond words.. they're intelligent, emotionally mature, funny, kind, artistic, creative, talented, stunning, I am dissatisfied listing these adjectives becuase they just.. aren't good enough. I feel like all my best words were wasted before I knew they should have been saved for someone incredible. I just didnt know that person existed. The kind of person Max is.. is the kind of person I'd dream about in my wildest fantasies, I'd protect onto fictional characters.. they deserve the world, for all the goodness they bring to it not just to me but.. to everyone and everything. I'm proud to say they're just like a special interest to me..I've never stopped wanting to know more.. I'm interested in every last detail, with passion previously reserved only for my most favorite things like bugs.. fascination unyielding.. I've never been bored a moment. Every single thing they create is a treasure.. they're a treasure.. I admire them too, for the qualities they have I wish to have and for their strength and resilience in the face of adversity I lack.

I feel privileged to be with them.. every moment I can make them happy is precious to me. I want to nurture their smile, and all their hobbies and interest, I want to be there for all their accomplishments and I'm selfish, because I want to be the first to praise them. I want to be the shoulder they cry on, the first one they tell good news to, the one to patch up their wounds, the one to grow and flourish with them. I wouldn't trade the privilege for anything in the entire world.

I cannot wait for the time when the world stops keeping us stuck apart .. I want to be with them, I want a home together, I want to be their husband.. every night I go to sleep I wish that the next day I'll open my eyes in the future and skip over all this.

I love them so much. They're my favorite. If all the suffering I endured is what was. necessary to bring me to this point, I'd repeat it again and again without protest. They're worth it. I'm so happy. I've never been so happy, during such harrowing times too.. I'm so lucky I haphazardly crossed paths.. I'm so thankful.. i swear someday I'll give them a life where they can be comfortable and happy to be themselves, because I love them for every single bit of who they are and I want to spend the rest of my life with that person

If you read this far thank you for listening.. thank you for caring. The road here was hostile and damaging. I remember a few months prior to meeting them thinking I was unlovable. I'd never have a happily ever after... now look at me.. I love them, I love them so much , 1 year down and however many I have left on this planet to go

[unohanadaydreams]

Can I have headcanons for Jushiro having twin boys with one being healthy and the other inheriting his condition. Would it be clear he favored one over the other? Does he feel guilt over one of his children being bedridden?

Anon, this has been in my drafts for a bit bc it was too sad to finish all at once. What did I ever do to you to deserve this tbh. There was a lot more I could’ve said but uuuuh it was getting super long. Now you all have to suffer through sad Ukitake with me!!

Jushiro Ukitake:

Upon learning that one of his sons has inherited the terminal illness he suffered from, Ukitake attempts to transfer Mimihagi with the help of Captain Kurotsuchi and a reluctant Captain Kotetsu. If it works accordingly, then that’s that; Ukitake sacrifices himself so his son will have a fair chance at life.

He would labor under moon after moon to construct note after note, trying to infuse his love and well wishes and hopes and dreams for his sons (AND siblings) into ink and parchment. There would be people he would entrust countless trinkets and gifts to. And somberly, he would extract promises from some of his fellow captains and underlings that they would look after both his children & siblings, in his name. (Ukitake can’t simply leave behind just ONE god parent)

It would be horrible and tearful and he would cradle his little sons, the children who make his hardships and struggles seem completely worth it, and sob before he had it in him to smile and coo their names. But, he would end his life to keep his twins living with one another and he trusts his twin in spirit, Shunsui, to say things he won’t be present to.

If he CAN’T transfer Mimihagi, he would be heartbroken, but he would do his best to spare his sons his sadness. More than anyone, he knows the weight of a parent’s sadness and frustration constantly choking the air around him, overpowering every success and accomplishment. Ukitake would try to mourn before his sons had the coherency to understand.

There is a guilt and tenderness that he shows his bedridden son that he can’t hide completely, of course. Who knows how long he will live, after all? How can he press his undying love into so few years? How can he give him the experiences he’ll never truly have?

Of course he gives more time to his sick son, who will not live to be an adult. Everyday he lives longer than Ukitake could without Mimihagi is a precious gift. There can’t ever be true fairness when one of his sons can’t run or swim or play the same as his peers, when each morning is held breath and a slow sliding door to learn if his child survived the night.

Ukitake would try to explain the situation as delicately as possible, would try to be as fair as he could, but there is guilt in going where one of his sons can not follow and giving one son what he can not give the other. He isn’t alone, though, even when the weight hunching his shoulders convinces him of the opposite; Shunsui especially is constantly there to help, pulling every shred of responsibility he usually shirks to be there for his dearest friend and little god children. His siblings delight in getting to know their little nephews, so happy that their older brother–who has always, without fail, taken care of them–has children of his own after years of fondly saying “aaah, it’s almost as though you’re my own kids!” to them.

His son, who escaped inheriting his father’s condition, would certainly inherit a sort of bitterness over it as a child. He would throw tantrums related directly to it. He wouldn’t fully understand. Why must he almost always play politely inside when neither he nor his brother want to? Why must family time mostly be in his brother’s room when all his brother wants to do is go outside? Where is his brother going that he can’t follow and why are his parents just letting it happen?

I don’t think his son would last much longer than he did, and would be gone at around 3 to 5 years of age.

He doesn’t lose his cheerfulness, though. He doesn’t become sullen and unmoving, even if, especially right after his son’s death, he struggles to keep his head above water. Even if his attitude wears more like a mask than real feeling.

Ukitake LOVES children. He writes for children in every Seiretei Bulletin, he has always doted on his siblings and the younger members of the divisions. He has always tried his best to approach life from a child-like sense of wonder and determination. Nothing in his life has ever made that untrue. He won’t forget his living son. And he won’t overwhelm the memory of his dead son with sadness and guilt.

What can not be forgotten is that Ukitake would always do his best to make his sons’ lives fun and fulfilling, even when the circumstances are hard, even when he feels like curling into bed and sobbing all day. He spoils and cherishes and is thankful for them–so incredibly thankful for them. It’s beyond belief to lose his son, it’s horrible to know while he lives that it’ll all be over within a few years, but he tries his best to give both his sons–and himself–wonderful memories of the time they all have together.

He would absolutely have both himself and his son (and his partner) in therapy sessions under Captain Kotetsu, because he’s a very emotionally intelligent man and understand that coping with this by himself would not turn out well and isn’t necessary and he wants his son to understand the same.

[aspoonofsugar]

Were there moments when you found a character disarmingly human? When you found a character shockingly harsh? When a character was both of these things? (I hope this isn’t a weird question. I’m just trying to reassess the expectations I bring in as a reader vs. the expectations actually set up by the author).—BSD Chat Anon

Hello again!

I think the concepts of “human” and “harsh” vary according to different people :). When it comes to me I have made two lists with characters I deeply love and I tried to explain why. What is more, I talked about characters in general here and I shared some thoughts here as well.

In short, I think that when you write a character in a story, the best thing you can do to make them human is ironically to schematize them by giving them a flaw and an objective. I personally think that in this way, as your story become more complex, so do the characters. In some cases, the schematic flaw you gave them in the beginning might become more layered and difficult to pintpoint and to describe through words. After choosing a flaw, I think one can work on a more superficial characterization (the way they look, likes, dislikes, hobbies, abilities, etc.). I think it is great when this characterization ties with the flaw they will have to overcome and is coherent with it. Alternatively, it can be used to better shape the plot (for example, if you have a character who will have to fight, you should give them some fighting capabilities; if they must solve puzzle in a sci-fic world they can be given knowledge of technology, etc.). If you must write a story with comical undertones, you can write different characters to embody different kinds of irony or comedy and so on. Finally, you can add motifs to make their journeys more symbolic.

All in all, I also think that everyone likes different characters and may have different ways to write their own characters. That is also why the characters made by an author can be recognizable and be all similar somehow, even if they may appear completely different on the surface.

Finally, to better answer your question, I will talk about four characters I have not mentioned in previous lists.

1) Claire Stanfield (Baccano)

I love Claire. He is very interesting both meta-narratively and as far as his characterization is concerned. All in all, he seems to me as a child who can’t grow because of his incredible talent at everything. As a matter of fact, he acts according to a simplified vision of the world and to child-logic. However, because of his abilities, he never meets real struggles, which could truly let him change this perspective, so he does not mature. An other insteresting aspect is that, all in all, what Claire wants is really simple. He wants to be good at his job, no matter if it is assassination or being a conductor or a circus artist. He wants to help his family and to build a new one with a woman he loves. These are such normal things that it is funny how he is able to twist them in something amazing because of his personality.

2) Chuuya (BSD)

I started loving him because of the episodes in season 3, where his background is revealed. I love his inner struggle concerning Arahabaki and how he hides a very frail sense of self behind a flashy exterior. Fifteen offers us a very good explanation of why he became who he currently is and showed that he is a pretty layered character with different issues tangled in an identity crisis. What is more, I love how different details in his design, like the gloves and the hat, find deep and meaningful explanations in his background. It is the kind of characterization that I love. Finally, I find his relationship with Dazai potentially very interesting because of how conflictual and contradictive it is.

3) Soren and Claudia (The Dragon Prince)

They are my current obsession. I think they are very well written characters and they have the merit to be very well-rounded and easy to use in multiple contexts (for comedy, for plot, for character moments, etc.). I also think they are a good example of how a generic exterior attribute can be linked to something deeper within the character. As a matter of fact, Soren is a crown-guard and his talent lies in combat. Claudia is instead a prodigy in dark magic. It is clear that such talents make so that the siblings have different methods to face problems and can contribute to the plot in different ways. However, their respective abilities are nothing more than a concrete projection of their flaws. Soren’s ability in fighting is symbolic of his need to prove his strength, while Claudia’s talent in Dark magic represents her refusal of loss and of conflict. At the same time, these two internal problems are also connected to the way Soren and Claudia’s parents treated them. Soren’s unhealthy desire to prove himself is born by his father’s lack of love. Claudia’s refusal of conflict is born by her parents’ divorce, which resulted in her mother’s abandonment. As you can see, they clearly end up as pretty layered characters because of how everything in their characterization is coherent.

When it comes to them as singular characters, I would say that I love how the story lets Soren show more of his intelligence without changing the core of his character. The intelligence he shows in season three is mostly emotional and is rooted in his warm personality. In a sense, he makes good use of qualities he had always shown, but that were underused because he was too focused trying to prove his worth through his strength. I especially liked that he showed that his talent as a crown-guard did not lie in his physical strength, but rather in his ability to protect the king. Throughout season 3, he protects Ezran physically, but also emotionally to an extent. For example, he makes sure that Ez, after escaping prison, has his favourite food and that he is given the means to reach the people he would want to meet the most.

As far as Claudia is concerned, her flaw is an extremely interesting one. As a matter of fact the traits, which lead to her spiral are the same which can save her aka her love and loyalty for her loved ones, coupled with her hate for conflict. It is really interesting to see how the narrative twists these attributes and shows how they can be detrimental. This is conveyed pretty beautiful especially because, since the beginning, Claudia’s character is a well made mixture of cute and terrifying. You can spot chilling traits, but they are well camouflaged by her likability and good intentions. Finally she has a spot in my heart because she is a dynamic example of air-headed genius (aka one of my favourite tropes). It is good to see a character like her receive a pretty complex and dynamic arc.

5) Agathe Arkrome (Witch Hat Atelier)

I love her! She is a pretty well made example or rival/deuteragonist character. She has extremely obvious flaws (she wants to be the best to the point where she can willingly and unwillingly hurt others), but she also quickly displays likable traits and starts developing a very interesting relationship with the lead. I think that this relationship has the potential to truly become interesting as the story progresses and I can see it both becoming deeper, but also more conflictual. I would love to write more about her, but I am waiting for her story to delve more into her past, so that her character can be explored more!

Thank you for the ask!

[jupitermelichios]

So I decided to rewatch Suicide Squad and I have some thoughts...

This isn’t really a review so much as it’s just a series of thoughts and impressions. I will say that while it’s still one of the worst made films I’ve ever seen, it’s never boring, which is by far the biggest sin a film can commit. It’s bullshit but it’s consistently interesting bullshit which makes it better than something like Fant4stic, which is as bad and incoherant but also just incredibly dull. I don’t think this could ever have been a good film, there was too much massively wrong with it before shooting even started to have been salvagable, but I do think it could have been a lot more coherant if it hadn’t been for the reshoots, re-edits, re-edits of re-edits and all the the other stuff that happened to it post production. Unlike something like BvS, I get why some people liked this one.

On that note, while I am going to end on a few possitives this basically a roast so if you don’t want to read about a film getting picked apart, this probably won’t be your jam. But if like me you find critiques of bad movies cathartic, read on. I’m not the first person to do this, but I’ve spotted some stuff I haven’t seen anyone else talk about so hopefully there’ll be something new for you.

All the dialogue is just slightly off in a way that’s hard to pin down, in the way that a lot of comprehensible stuff written by computers and neural networks is just slightly off. It’s got that phishing email or pornbot quality to it. Literally the fourth or fifth line in the film is Griggs saying about the prison rations, “...Everything a growing young man needs like you”, which isn’t nonsense, but is clearly wrong, and a lot of the lines have that quality to them.

In a similar vein, Deadshot’s daughter is written like she’s five or six, but the actress looks about twelve. I actually went and checked how old she was when this released, because I know white people are often wildly bad at judging the ages of black kids and I’m bad at judging ages in general, but no, she was 12 or 13 when this was shot, so why’s she written like a toddler? She doesn’t give a good performance (which is not the actresses fault, Will Smith barely gives a good performance in this and he can do this shit in his sleep, there’s no way a kid could have risen above the terrible script and direction) which makes it even worse, because you’ve got this pre-teen delivering dialogue written for a kindergardener in a way that feel like it’s maybe the first time she’s ever seen the script, and it makes what is otherwise one of the most competant scenes in the movie feel just as off as everything else.

The Joker. A lot of people have written a lot about Leto’s Joker but I want to add two things to the discussion I haven’t seen talked about much before. Firstly, before the electro-shock torture and acid bath, he and Harley have no romance. Like, explicitly, there is no romance, or even cammeraderie there. He’s her patient. She’s his jailer. He didn’t seduce her, he just tortured her until she gave in. That’s literally shown in the film. Even after the torture when she’s now on side he still really doesn’t like her, and not in a Paul Dini BTAS he doesn’t like her but he also wants her around kind of way. He doesn’t want her in his life. He orders her to leave him alone and she fucking stalks him. That’s not even subtext, she is specifically his stalker, because apparently the solution to the relationship being abusive was to retconn Harley into also being a creep as though that somehow solves something.

Secondly, Joker isn’t smart. Not only is he no longer emotionally intelligent (and comics Joker is many terrible things but he’s probably the most emotionally intelligent character in DC, that’s a lot of what makes him so dangerous because it’s how he manipulates people) he’s not intelligent full stop. His great plan for breaking out of Arkham? Some of his goons from the outside literally just shoot their way in to get to him. Even leaving aside the fact that Arkham apparently isn’t set up to deal with that kind of violence in this world despite Batman having been opperating for a decade, that’s not a clever plan, and it’s not Joker’s plan. 'Hope some of my dudes are loyal enough to come get me’ isn’t any kind of escape plan, and nothing we see after that point suggests that this was a moment of weakness. Joker just straight up isn’t very bright in this, which is weird because that’s one of the few genuinely consistent character traits he has. He’s no Riddler, sure, but he’s really smart and that makes him hard to contain.

Ayer made Harley functionally a sex worker in this, and it doesn’t actually matter that there’s absolutely nothing wrong with sex work or that sex work is real work, because David Ayer definitely thinks there is, and also really really hates women. David Ayer hates women so goddamn much. The only thing Slipknot does in the entire film apart from die is hit a woman just for being a woman.

When Waller arrives at Belle Reve, Croc is doing push ups. And that’s fine, it’s a classic movie shorthand for ‘bored prisoner is also fit and strong’, but the actor isn’t actually doing pushups. He’s got one knee tucked under his body to support his weight, and is clearly actually just sort of bobbing his head. What I suspect happened is that the prosthetics on his arms and chest were too heavy to allow that kind of movement, which would tie up with the stiff way he holds his arms throughout the film, but he’s not even bothering to pretend very hard and it adds to this pervading sense of off-kilter wrongness the film has.

Rick Flagg is supposed to be ‘the best special forces opperative this country has’, but he’s... really bad? He’s no use in any of the fights, he’s incapable of working with a team and has zero interpersonal skills, and when he’s assigned to be a bodyguard, he immediately starts fucking his client which is like, bodyguarding rule 1. He’s really bad at his job. (Which would be fine if the explanation was that he’s a fucking psychopath who’s 100% willing to just murder a civilian in the line of duty, but he’s meant to be Hannibal Smith more than Dirty Harry, and also if he is here because he’s a psychopath, why did Amanda Waller assume June Moon would be into that?!) He even has to be blackmailed into joining the opperation, so he’s incompetent, unprofessional, causes unecessary conflict, and isn’t even loyal to the project, so why him and not, I don’t know, literally any other character?

On the subject of June Moon, she goes (alone) on an archeological dig in a rainforest somewhere, finds a cave full of human remains and ancient artefacts, and literally her first action is to deliberately smash one of the artefacts, presumably just to see what would happen? IDK! We never get any explanation for that, but it’s definitely meant to be deliberate and not accidental when she smashes it! Why are archeologists in movies all so terrible?!

People have joked a lot about the fact that the movie changes the purpose of the squad from ‘plausibly deniable black ops, especially on American soil’, to ‘punching Superman’ but kept Captain Boomerang on the team, but there is actually an explanation given. A really really stupid explanation. Amanda Waller says that he’s there because ‘he faced down a metahuman and survived’, referring to him surviving being arrested. By the Flash. Who is famously non violent, and in fact in the next film in the series specifically says he’s never fought someone. So Boomer is on the team because he didn’t die when Flash picked him up and carried him to a police station, and Amanda Waller thinks that’s some kind of achievement. Like that isn’t the case for literally everyone the Flash has ever caught. And Flash is a street level hero, so that’s a whole lot of muggers and purse snatchers who are apparently capable of fist fighting Superman by Waller’s logic.

(On the same note as the Joker, Waller is also now incredibly stupid, but she’s mostly stupid for plot related reasons, so it sort of gets a pass? It gets more of a pass than the Joker at least, because making him comics-smart wouldn’t have necessatitated changing anything else about the film)

Re: Waller’s stupidity, her whole plan for recruiting El Diablo to the squad is... show him a video of him setting fire to some dudes. That’s it. She doesn’t even speak to him, she literally just holds up the video to the little window in his tank and seems surprised when that by itself isn’t enough.

And then when Flagg is like ‘hey let me try persuading him with actual arguments instead of just a weird video’, Diablo’s response is “You think you’re the first person to ask? I won’t do it. I’m a man not a weapon”, which gives us the amazing insight that in Ayer’s version of the DCU, there are apparently just... other Taskforce Xs running around. Other government agencies recruiting metahuman soldiers. So what exactly was the point of the half an hour or so of footage of her persuading the brass to go along with it? Because apparently they’re fine with this if every agency is doing it!

Tone? What even is tone. Griggs both has an antagonist but banter-y relationship with and brings cookies to the prisoners, but also he tortures them and is implied to be sexually abusing Harley, and like... you can’t have it both ways, Ayer. This is a one or the other situation. They can’t have a fun and jokey relationship with a man who is explicitly torturing and abusing them. Tone. You need to pick a fucking tone!

The decision to add a subplot about Deadshot being involved in a custody battle with his ex-wife was a fascinatingly terrible choice, and honestly tells you a lot about Ayer’s relationship to MRA talking points. Like, we know nothing about Deadshot’s wife except that she raised a cute well adjusted kid, so probably a pretty good parent, and that she doesn’t want her daughter to be spending time with a MASS MURDERER! So definitely a good parent! The comics just kind of handwave away Zoe’s mom most of the time, which was the right choice, because Ayer wants us to be on Deadshot’s side here, but it’s literally a choice between "a serial killer but you take credit cards” and a normal loving parent and somehow he thinks serial killer is the right answer? WTF happened in Ayer’s life that he thinks this is a choice where we side with Deadshot?! And it’s not even visitation rights or anything, Deadshot wants full custody. And the film thinks he’s in the right!

Not once, at any job I have ever had, one of which was a tourist attraction that required all visitors to wear a pass, have I ever seen someone wear a visitors pass on their sleeve. Not once. And it’s honestly such a good summary of the pervading wrongness of this film. This doesn’t feel like it was made by people. It feels like it was made by middlingly intelligent algorithms trying to pass as human.

Someone please tell me what the fuck any of this set is supposed to mean. The pose feels deliberate, but it’s not invoking anything I can see except the hanged man from the Ryder-Waite tarot deck, the halo of knives almost looks like it’s pseudo-religious imagery except that it’s not a full halo, the circle is incomplete on one side because of a broken piano, does the piano mean something? What about the babygrows, do they mean something? Does the Joker... want kids? Kill kids? Think Harley’s pregant? What the hell is any of this supposed to mean, and if, as I suspect, it was never supposed to mean anything why the fuck did they go to the trouble of making it?! What exactly does the hours this took to put together add to the movie?

David Ayer has a really weird relationship with both gang culture and latino gang culture specifically. He always feels the need to shoehorn them in somehow, and it’s this weird love-hate relationship where he apparently thinks latino gangs are so cool they have to be in everything, but is also so fucking racist he’s incapable of having a latino character who isn’t in a gang. Also in order to shoehorn them in here, he basically removed all of Joker’s henchmen (except for one scene which serves no narrative purpose) and replaced when with generic racist-stereotype LA gangs.

The fact that Griggs just hands Harley the phone in front of all the other guards and soliders was A Choice. Made even more so by the fact that Griggs never actually pay off. He gives Harley the phone, she tells him he’s “so screwed now”, and then... nothing. He’s just gone for the rest of the movie. He’s not even in the epilogue back in prison scenes.

I fucking love that the first thing Waller does is tell the world’s best assassin her real name. That is just... *chefs kiss* Everyone in this film is so fucking stupid.

I knew it was coming. I knew it was coming and I remembered the line perfectly, and I still had to stop the film because I was laughing too hard for “Ah would advise naht gettin’ killed by her, her sword traps the souls of its victims”. It’s the ‘that wizard came from the moon’ of film dialogue, and no one could have made it work, but the southern accent is really what makes that line delivery. I don’t know why, there’s just something about it in that drawl that it just endlessly hilarious.

It really is impressive how every character in this manages to be an offensive stereotype, sometimes multiple offensive stereotypes at once.

I love how Flagg’s right-hand woman is a samurai with a magical possessed sword that traps the souls of the damned who also isn’t military and refuses to speak English most of the time, but the squad are too weird for him. “You won’t believe it, this guy Boomerage, he’s got these bent stick things, and when he throws them they come back! I am freaking out, I can’t deal with this. Oh hi Katana, trap any damned souls lately?”

Harley is explicitly malicious in this in a way no other version of Harley has ever been, which is a Freudian nightmare when you combine it with her also being more sexualised than ever, and more infantalised than any version outside the Arkham games. Someone get Ayer a goddamn therapist. (Also in the vein of everyone being dumb in this, Harley is now an absolutely terrible psychiatrist and all her diagnoses are explicitly wrong, so that’s fun.)

The fucking pink unicorn-bundle of money switcheroo. There’s nothing to say on it that hasn’t already been said but holy shit. How do you fuck something up that bad? How? It’s like looking into Chekov’s nightmares and finding a pink stuffed unicorn staring back.

I love the way the soliders just come and go in this. Are they dead, are they alive, have they abandonned the cause? Why the fuck knows? Certainly not the editors!

I love how we’re supposed to be really sad about El Diablo being dead, but not care that Croc is seemingly directly underneath the explosion and definitely about to die, that’s fun.

I need to know if it was Ayer or Cara Delavigne’s choice to make Enchantress be just.. doing a little dance. Duing all the ‘tense’ moments. Because there are probably things which undercut tension more than the bad guy having a bit of boogy, but not many.

Enchantress gets so many costume changes, and I want to believe that they’re all from different versions of the film but I honestly think it was deliberate and I need someone on in the design department for this movie to tell me why because it add nothing.

I think the best thing about the stupidly on the nose liscenced soundtrack is that it just disappears once they arrive in Midway city. After spirit in the sky it’s original music all the way until the final scene. The great soundtrack DC stans insist this film has is literally only in the first 50 minutes and the last 2 of a 2hr+ movie.

The glorification of abuse in this is... seriously fucking something else. Twilight doesn’t have a patch on this. 50 Shades of Grey doesn’t have a patch on this. This shit is disgusting, and the fact that they pushed so hard to get it a child friendly rating is just morally bankrupt.

Possitive note to end on:

The dialogue is way too on the nose and exposition dump-y but the scene in the bar works pretty well. It fulfils its role in the story, and gives us a decent dose of team bonding.

Deadshot and Harley have great chemistry, and Boomer is perfectly cast, in a way that makes me really hopeful for James Gunn’s take on the team. A writer who knows how to write friendships could do a lot with the three of them, and they’ve been the core squad since 2011 so they’re the ones who matter. It probably helps that whatever Will Smith’s faults as an actor, you could cast him opposite a housebrick and they’d somehow have great chemistry.