#and is also very good at finding actual scientific literature that says function doesn’t say a whole lot until years down the line

[waywardvagabonds]

“Umremarkable.” Thank god.

[juniorgman187]

The Bones (Reid Series) Part 1

Summary: Almost a year after Maeve’s death, Spencer reaches out to the recipients of Maeve’s donated organs to reconnect with his lost love. However, when the receiver of her heart, Reader, doesn’t write back, Spencer goes on a poorly-motivated mission to find her. 

Playlist: “The Bones” by Maren Morris & Hozier   (BONUS: song includes major foreshadowing)

A/N: There is an OC in this story because to me, writing “(y/n)” over and over again cheapens the story and doesn’t flow well. It was a personal decision, and to anyone it sincerely bothers, I’m sure there’s a way you can insert your own name instead. This fic is also inspired by “Things We Know By Heart” by Jessi Kirby. Category: Series, Soft Angst, Eventual Smut + NSFW content* Pairing: Spencer Reid POV x Fem!OC Content Warning: allusions to death, mourning, loss, recovery, arrhythmia (this is an intro chapter, so it’ll get more interesting from here I promise) Word Count: 2.2k

This will be a multi-part series.

✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* 

It all started that first autumn after Maeve’s death - just five weeks past a year since I parted with her. I was absentmindedly reading when, rather out of the blue, Mary Donovan called to inform me about a Mrs. Rachel Larsen. 

Although we didn’t learn her actual name until later, she was first known to us as the recipient of Maeve’s liver. Not a single one of the three of us - Maeve’s parents and me - had expected a recipient to be in contact with us. That inability to predict such an event was caused by my neglect to remember Maeve was an organ donor. It wasn’t particularly relevant in the grand scheme of things, and for that forgetfulness, I was truly ashamed, but after reading Rachel Larsen’s letter together with the Donovans, it all came back to me. 

Every single thing. 

You see, despite the anonymity of the person writing to us, it was as if I could actually feel Maeve’s soul coming alive again, as strange as that sounds. 

She was still here with me ... in some form. 

Later that night, when I would return to an empty apartment, I would wonder why I hadn’t thought of reaching out to the recipients before. Even though I’d already started writing a thank you letter back to Rachel, the thirst for more of Maeve became increasingly insatiable. 

While I did have fond memories of her to live by, I couldn’t thrive off of them in the way that I did with that letter. Our only moments together worth reliving were those spent over the phone, a time when I didn’t even know what she looked like. But that letter from Rachel Larsen ... it was somehow more wholesome and pure than any memory of the living Maeve that I could cultivate.

You could say I was doing this to ease my mourning, meaning it should’ve made me feel better, but that didn’t stop the guilt from eating away at me piece by piece as I wrote letters to the rest of the recipients. 

The Donovans had no idea I was doing this, but I reasoned to myself that they would appreciate the surprise. Though they were still undeniably riddled with grief, smiles embellished their sullen faces when they read about Rachel’s quality of life now with a new liver. So maybe, just maybe, hearing from the rest of the receivers would be good for us all. At least, that’s what I told myself.

In one of those rare moments when inspiration strikes and it courses through your veins at the speed of lightning, I found myself being more productive than I had been in nearly a year. By midnight, I’d successfully composed five letters, each dedicated to the receiver of one of Maeve’s major organs - none of which, though, included my identity.

Given the fragile process of contacting the transplant coordinators, getting consent forms, and premeeting counseling, it would be months, if not years, before I would be able to really speak with these faceless people. Nothing against Donor Family Services - I’m sure they do the best they can - but for me, their best wasn’t good enough. So instead, I enlisted the help of someone I knew could never let me down. 

“Are you sure you want me to do this?” Penelope peered up at me from her seat, her pinky finger hesitantly hovering over the ‘enter’ button. 

“Yes.” 

With just one click, she discovered the addresses of each one of those faceless people. This singular operation, albeit somewhat unethical, was the final piece to my puzzle. All there was left to do now was send the letters to them, with the tenuous hope they might send one back. 

Luckily for me, not a single recipient questioned how I managed to find them or why this process wasn’t being handled by Donor Family Services, but I suppose if they did wonder those things, they didn’t feel comfortable asking me. Especially not after they learned who I was in relation to their donor. I didn’t intend to guilt-trip anyone with what I wrote in my letters nor did I want to take advantage of anyone’s empathy, but how could you possibly make a foe out of your organ donor’s grieving boyfriend? Exactly - you can’t. So you don’t. Instead, you send an inviting letter back, telling me you’d love to meet. Which is what four of them did.

Only one person didn’t reply, and while an 80% success rate was great, I simply couldn’t let this one go. Trust me, I would have ... had it been any other organ. 

For quite some time, I was the one with Maeve’s heart. 

I just needed to see where it was now.

᠃ ⚘᠂ ⚘ ˚ ⚘ ᠂ ⚘ ᠃

The heart has several definitions and corresponding connotations. 

Scientifically speaking, the heart is a hollow muscular organ that pumps the blood through the circulatory system by rhythmic contraction and dilation. However, figuratively, the heart can be seen as the central or innermost part of something. The heart of a city, for example. But in literature, the heart is symbolic of love. It is often regarded as the source of all knowledge, which is where the comparison between the head and the heart comes from. The head operates logically, whereas the heart functions emotionally, but despite the rationality the head holds, the heart is what people advise you to listen to because it holds the ultimate truth. 

The heart, because it is equipped with your truest feelings, supersedes any logic and reason the head might hold. 

But you see, I only ever knew Maeve’s mind. I could understand the inner workings of it - I’d probably be able to navigate through her consciousness if I entered it given the fact that our intellect matched one another’s - and I shared nearly identical thought processes with her, but that was all that I ever knew. 

And if that was how much knowledge she held in her head alone, then, undoubtedly, her heart held so much more.

Science defines the heart as an organ. Figurative language uses the heart to establish a focal point. Literature likens the heart to love. But I compare her heart to the ocean. Like the sea, Maeve’s heart was 80% undiscovered, and exploration was simply calling my name. 

For that reason, and that reason alone, I couldn’t abandon my pursuit of it. 

That’s not to say I wasn’t ashamed of this mission, though. If anything, shame for the man I had become in the face of Maeve’s death was the only feeling I was truly capable of anymore. Any other emotions were fleeting or insincere. 

Unfortunately, that slimy, disgusting feeling was only amplified times ten when I found myself driving two hours and forty-five minutes to get to Virginia Beach. 

No sane man would drive this far on a weekday for even their most prized possession, and yet here I was, exactly 180 miles away from home, seeking out someone who hadn’t had the courtesy to even write me back, let alone agree to meet with me. Who knows if she’d even give me the time of day. 

She being Valerie. 

“Valerie Elise Bishop was born on August 5th, 1988 in Henderson, Nevada, to parents Andrew and Sara, but when Valerie turned seventeen, she was diagnosed with arrhythmia,” Garcia explained to me over the phone on the car ride here. “It’s when-”

“When the electrical impulses that coordinate your heartbeats don't work properly, causing your heart to beat too fast, too slow or irregularly,” I accidentally cut in. Realizing I interrupted Garcia, I brought her back into the conversation by asking, “I know there are more than 3 million cases per year in the U.S, but isn’t it usually common for ages 60 or older?” 

“You are most certainly correct, Boy Wonder. It is more common in ages 60 and older, however, her maternal grandmother passed away from arrhythmia, so the family history increased the likelihood.” 

At the sound of this news, I had to pull the car over and physically stop just so I could grasp the weight of what I was really doing. 

“In Henderson, Nevada ... maternal grandmother passed away ... family history increased the likelihood …” Garcia’s voice rang in my head. 

It was then that I came face to face with the gravity of reality. 

Valerie wasn’t just a faceless name or a recipient of Maeve’s heart, she was a person. And her humanity only became more apparent to me the more Penelope spoke. 

For god’s sake, she and I grew up in the same state. She and I saw the same sunsets from the same little corner of the earth. She drove down the same highways and byways - we might’ve even crossed paths at one point or another! Not to mention that she lost her grandmother to the same disease that she was suffering from, and if there was one thing consistent about arrhythmia, it was very likely she’d been living with it for decades, if not her entire lifetime. It’s a long term disease that takes years to improve but only seconds to kill. All it would take is just one irregular beat, and she’d be dead. How can you possibly live with that constant fear looming over your head? 

She is a person. I had to remind myself. Not just a means to explore more of Maeve. 

“Hey, Garcia,” I turned the car back on. “I don’t think I can do this anymore.” 

“What do you mean?” I could just feel panic begin to rise in Garcia. 

“No, I’m not talking about life, I’m talking about this.” Though she couldn’t see, I grandly gestured to the location, the car, and the passenger seat that was cluttered with files on Valerie. “I don’t feel right invading her privacy like this. It’s just selfish.” 

I wasn’t the only one mourning something here. 

“Are you sure?” Penelope clarified. Which was ironic considering she was the one who was unsure of doing any of this, to begin with. What was I thinking? I shouldn’t have dragged Garcia into this. Something as immoral as this was totally against her character, but she did it anyway because her loyalty to her friends conquers all. 

Like I said, my shame multiplied times ten. If not for Valerie, then certainly for Penelope. 

“Yeah, I’m sure. I’m heading home.” 

“Okay,” She softly returned. “Be safe.” 

“Oh, and Garcia?” I asked before ending the call. “Thanks.” 

“Of course. Anything for you, Dr. Reid.” 

By the time I ended the call, the sun was already setting - that’s how long I’d been on the road for. The nearly-three-hour drive I would have to make for the second time today meant I wouldn’t be home in time to beat the pitch-black sky, so considering I was already in for a long night, I made a little detour for the one thing I couldn’t go home without.

A piping hot cup of coffee. 

I felt something as rewarding as caffeine was well deserved for the self-restraint I demonstrated minutes ago. And maybe it was my exhaustion, both mental and physical, that brought me to the near conclusion that I would truly let this go, but I was honestly feeling like I could accept this. An 80% acceptance rate. Not bad, right? 

Though I was basically half-asleep while waiting for my coffee, I could not miss the barista when she said, “Valerie! Your order’s ready!”

What are the chances?

A jolt of energy surged through my body and brought me back to life, causing me to whip my head around at the slightest semblance of movement. On instinct, my gaze gravitated to the woman walking towards the front counter. My pull to her was so strong that even if I hadn’t studied file upon file on her that included pictures of what she looked like, I still would’ve recognized her in a heartbeat.

I just knew. That’s her. 

I had no plan whatsoever for how I should approach this, and yet I still rose from my seat, motivated by nothing more than the single belief that I needed to.

Was this the universe telling me that I was meant to run into her after all? That I needed to meet the woman with an oceanic heart?

But when I finally got to where she was, she glided effortlessly past me, not paying any mind to my presence. Why would she though? To her, I was no one. To her, I was the faceless person. 

“Excuse me!” I bolted to the front counter after realizing I might’ve just missed my opportunity. The barista, stunned and concerned, furrowed her brows while she waited for my question. “Is that girl a regular here?”

“Valerie?” She pointed in her direction, to which I nodded rapidly. “Oh, yeah. She comes in here all the time. She works just across the street.” 

When I came to this coffee shop, it was simply by chance. It wasn’t even the closest cafe, but it was the one I chose to go to for some inexplicable reason. 

I’d like to think it was fate. I was meant to be here after all. Because right behind me stood the storefront of a building I had only briefly read about in Valerie’s file.

The Bones,  Art Gallery & Studio

✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* 

PART 2 HERE!

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[casualmaraudering]

digging my own grave and publishing a multichaptered fic when i have only one chapter written oh boy

i feel i might regret this sometime in the near future but i’m very excited for this still!! here’s the first chapter of what started of as that coffee shop au

**

Sirius is running on two hours of sleep within the last 48 hours, seven cups of coffee - or was it eight? - and too much Panic! At The Disco when he meets the love of his life.

Now, mind you, he’s only 19, and he doesn’t even know the guy, but he already knows they’re bound to fall in love, get married, buy a house with a picket fence and have three children. And a dog. A big dog.

Anyway. The point is - love of his life. Right there in this small, suburban cafe.

“Reggie, I’m in love,” he says instantly, not taking his eyes off of this angel of a man. He’s got the smile of an angel, anyway. And hair, too - angels have curls, that’s just scientific.

“The fuck are you on about?” his brother replies, with too much snarky confidence for a 14 year old. He’s been spending too much time with Lily, Sirius reckons. Bad influence and whatnot, that girl.

“That guy in the corner,” Sirius still hasn’t taken his eyes off him, by the way. “The curly haired one, with the laptop. And don’t swear.”

“Who’s he? Like a boyfriend or something? I’m leaving if you dragged me here just to make out with your stupid boyfriend, you were supposed to help me study!”

“What? No, he’s not my boyfriend, I’ve literally never seen him before.”

Regulus blinks. “And yet you say you’re in love?”

“Yes, I’m quite positive I am. Don’t you think our kids would look beautiful?”

“You’re insane.”

“You think they’ll have curls? I hope they will. Or the freckles.”

Regulus sighs and runs his hand through his hair - now that’s a habit he’s picked from James. Sirius really needs to find more respectable friends to hang with when he’s minding his little brother. Not like Regulus really needs minding to anymore, but still, Sirius is responsible for him, so he guesses he should find some positive influences.

Love Of His Life seems like a good sort, which is fantastic. Sirius can bet he studies something smart like literature. Or maybe physics.

“Listen,” Reg says, punching him in the arm. “You’re a fucking mess but-”

“Don’t swear,” Sirius says, absentmindedly - he’s really wondering what Love Of His Life’s taste in music is. He seems like an Ed Sheeran type, and Sirius definitely doesn’t mind that. He could learn some Ed Sheeran songs on his guitar - that’s quite romantic, isn’t it?

“- go ask him out or whatever. I’ll get us something, and then you’re helping me.”

With that, and an eye roll - honestly, way too much time with Lily - he leaves Sirius to his own.

Usually, Sirius wouldn’t just saunter towards a guy that fucking cute, oh no, he’d need some sort of back up or pep talk, from James, preferably. But today, he’s a mess, and lack of sleep makes him incredibly reckless and equally detached from reality, so indeed, he walks towards the table.

Love Of His Life looks up at him when he sits down on the other side, confusion spread on his face.

“Hi,” Sirius says, smiling. He hopes he doesn’t look as messy as he feels - his hair might be a bit wild, but he’s been told that looks hot, so he figures it’s fine.

“Hi?” Love Of His Life replies.

“So I noticed you sitting here, and I thought I’d say hi. Which I already did. But still. Hello.”

He raises a brow at Sirius. So Sirius, as he tends to do when both sleep deprived and thoroughly caffeinated, just keeps on talking.

“I’m here with my brother - helping him with homework, like a responsible older sibling and all that jazz. What are you working on? I bet it’s something smart - you look smart, at least. It’s the jumper, y’know? You wouldn’t mind if we sat with you, maybe? I just thought - you’re sitting alone, I wouldn’t mind the company, for sure, and you seem smart and nice so who knows, maybe Regulus will learn something - I’m the one that’s supposed to be teaching him but I know fuckall about history, honestly - I’m doing art, actually. Are you a history guy? You seem like a history guy?”

“I’m so sorry for him,” Regulus says, sitting down next to Sirius - and kicking him, definitely on purpose. He sets down a cup of coffee for Sirius, and a hot chocolate for himself.

“Is he high?” Love Of His Life asks. Sirius giggles to himself.

“He’s sleep deprived and had too much coffee. And also he’s gay.”

Love Of His Life blinks at that. “And that’s relevant how…?”

“Well, he gets like that around guys he likes. Idiotic, I mean.”

“Oh,” Love Of His Life seems startled, but Sirius can see a blush on his face, and he’s suddenly not mad at Regulus being here anymore.

“Are you single?” Sirius asks, because again - too much caffeine. Whatever filter he has is long gone.

“I really am sorry, he’s a fucking twat when he doesn’t sleep.”

“Swearing, Reggie.”

“You swear all the time!”

“I’m the big brother, I can.”

“And yet I have to do this shit for you,” Regulus says with a huff. “Listen. He likes you, and I promise, he’s actually surprisingly tolerable when he’s had enough sleep and no one lets him touch caffeine. So if you’d humour him and give him your number, or whatever, we’d get out of your hair now.”

Love Of His Life blinks in confusion again. “I don’t think it’s a good idea.”

Sirius cocks his head in what he hopes the guy considers cute. “Don’t be like that. If you’re not gay, I get it. But if you are - even a little bit, what’s there to dislike about me, huh? I’m obviously the best looking guy you’ll ever find.”

“And bloody humble too,” Regulus mumbles to himself - Sirius kicks him.

Love Of His Life - Sirius should find a shorter nickname, or ask for his name - laughs at that.

“I don’t really care much for appearance.”

“Oh, everybody says that but deep down I’m sure you wouldn’t hate dating someone with a face like mine.”

“I’m blind.”

Oh.

“Shit,” Regulus says - Sirius kicks him again, more out of habit than anything - “sorry, I-”

“I get it, hard to notice. I don’t mind,” he smiles that cute, soft smile again - Sirius remembers why he fell in love all that 15 minutes ago. “Are you still so set on dating me?”

“Yes,” Sirius says without a further thought. “I don’t care. I’m in love with you.”

Angel - shorter, but still not ideal - laughs again. “Leave that for when we know each other a bit more and maybe you’ve had more sleep.”

“Get used to this,” Regulus sighs. “Clinical insomnia, and all. Happens rather often.”

“I’ll keep that in mind,” he says softly. “So, Regulus, you said?”

“And my idiot brother is Sirius.”

“Parents were really into stars, huh?”

“You could say that,” Regulus mumbles half-heartedly.

Their family is still something they rarely talk about. Ever since they left home - the moment Sirius turned 18, he packed their most important belongings and dragged Regulus out of that hellhole - it was something they just didn’t speak of. It’s a bit less touchy, now, but they mutually agree it’s best left alone, to discuss at a later date, maybe when Reggie is a bit older.

“Mine were into mythology. It’s Remus.”

Sirius smiles brightly, and Regulus groans.

“Stop being so gay,” Reg hisses.

Remus laughs. “You said you’re learning history, right?”

“Yup. French revolution at the moment.”

“Just so happens I’m majoring in history. How about Sirius gets me a hot chocolate, and I’ll help you out?”

Sirius blinks. So does Regulus.

“Will you go on a date with me, then?”

Remus shuts his laptop and scoots a bit closer to them.

“Let’s start with my number first. Ask me again when you’re functioning like a normal human.”

*

The time in the cafe flies by like nothing.

Remus has a lovely voice, Sirius comes to realize. Even when he’s talking through decapitating French monarchy, he makes it sound soothing in a way. Sirius almost thinks he could fall asleep while listening to it, and that’s a gigantic compliment.

He’s also unlike any teacher Sirius has ever had. He’s patient in explaining everything to Regulus - he pauses to let the kid take notes (either when Reggie tells him to, or Remus himself can hear the pen scribbling away on a notepad), goes into further detail or repeats things when he’s asked, hell, even the gentle expression on his face is unlike Sirius’s memory of school. It was always harsh, private tutors, and he either got things right or got smacked with a wooden ruler.

Probably shouldn’t point that out, though. The depths of his childhood drama aren’t exactly something he wants to share just yet.

Mostly cause he really wants Remus not to run away. Skipping the fact he’s incredibly gorgeous and Sirius is positive he’s in love (Remus is going through the exact timeline of the revolution, date by date, when Sirius names all their future children in his head), he seems like a cool guy all around, and someone that can actually properly help Reggie out in school - Remus has done a better job during the last two hours than Sirius has for the entire year.

And, Remus is still here, even after the first hand experience of Sirius, caffeinated and sleep deprived. Not many people can handle that - which means maybe, just maybe, the whole insomnia thing won’t turn into a big deal. Sirius does acknowledge it, but he doesn’t like to think of it as much - he can’t fall asleep like a normal person sometimes (‘sometimes’ being usually four days a week), so what about that? James and Lily make it seem like it’s going to kill him, but it’s not like it’s a drug addiction or anything. He’s just a little manic sometimes, and depressed other times. And then unable to concentrate and constantly exhausted most of the time.

Point is, he can deal with it, therefore it’s not a big deal. So Remus shouldn’t be coaxed into thinking that it’s a big deal, because Sirius likes him the way he is now - not making a big deal out of Sirius being, well… Sirius.

“Hey, asshole!”

Then there’s the fact that lack of sleep makes him a bit detached from reality, so he hadn’t realized Regulus was trying to get his attention until just now, when he jabbed him with his elbow. That’s just something Remus has to get used to.

“What? Are you guys done?” he says, blinking to try and get some sense of his surroundings.

Regulus sighs in a way so dramatic it can only be achieved by a 14 year old boy.

“You’re crashing,” he says. “Which means we should leave.”

Sirius makes an offended sound. It’s as if Regulus thinks he’s the older one!

“I’m not,” Sirius says. “I’m just… thinking. About things. Important things, I’ll have you know.”

“You’re spacing out, is what you are. Which means you’re finally gonna go to bed, I fucking hope.”

“Don’t swear. And I just had coffee!”

“I got you decaf.”

Sirius blinks. “And why would you do that?!” Sirius says, offended, because honestly, there’s no greater offence than decaf coffee. The caffeine is the whole bloody point!

Sirius’s brain functions are lowered due to lack of sleep, so he doesn’t even register that somehow he didn’t notice it was decaf while drinking (if he did realize that, he would be greatly offended with himself - 4 years of being addicted to caffeine and what did that give him? Not being able to taste decaf?).

“Maybe,” this time Remus speaks, seemingly highly amused by the ongoing conversation. “he’s, uh, concerned about your sleeping habits and wants you to go to bed?”

“I’m an adult, I go to bed when I want to!”

“The last time you slept was when James drove us to Ikea, and that was yesterday evening. For like 30 minutes.”

“How do you know I didn’t sleep at night, huh?”

“I could bloody hear you pacing around in the kitchen, and you were there when I woke up too. We’re going home before you fucking pass out.”

“Don’t swear. And I’m fine, honestly.”

He yawns, then, so his body doesn’t seem to think so. Regulus rolls his eyes, and Remus giggles.

“I think it’s best you go.” Remus then pulls his phone out and hands it to Sirius. “Put your number in, so I can make sure you did as you’re told and slept for at least a few hours.”

Sirius beams at that, grabbing the phone with probably too much enthusiasm. He makes sure he’s put his number in correctly three times (and sends himself a text just in case) before he carefully places it back in Remus’s hand. With that, their hands touch, and Sirius feels a shiver go up his spine - Remus’s hands are smooth and so warm.

Sirius definitely wouldn’t mind them in his own hands. Or on his body. Or around his-

Okay, yeah, definitely time to go home before he gets too carried away in any fantasies, next to his little brother as well.

“Oh, uh,” Sirius finds himself saying when he gets up. “D’you… need help getting home? Or something?”

Remus smiles at him. “I came here by myself, you do realize that?”

Sirius feels his face flush. “Yeah, I mean! I don’t want to sound rude or stupid but I thought I’d just ask, I dunno, I’ve never known a blind person before so I kinda have no idea what’s the socially acceptable thing to say but it seemed rude to just leave you. Even though I know you’re an adult that can mind himself and I’m sure you’re capable of traveling by yourself I didn’t want to imply you don’t-”

“Stop. Talking,” Regulus hisses, pulling Sirius out of the booth. “You’re being an idiot again.”

“Ah, no, I don’t mind, honestly. Takes time getting used to it, I know. I’ll be fine, though, I promise.”

“Next time,” Sirius says. “I’ll get you a ride home on my bike.”

“Bike? Like a motorbike?”

Sirius beams proudly. “Yup! She’s my baby - built her myself.”

Remus’s brow furrow. “Please don’t tell me you drove here with your younger brother while you’ve slept for a total of half hour since yesterday.”

“Oh, please, who do you think I am?” Regulus asks. “I’d never let him drive the bloody thing when he’s like that. We walked, we don’t live far.”

“Good. Let me know when you get home, then,” Remus smiles the gentle smile again, and despite the caffeine crash and his body screaming at him from fatigue, Sirius feels he could run laps around the building right now cause of the happy, bubbly feeling in his stomach.

“You too. I’ll see you around, Remus.”

Sirius and Regulus walk home in silence - mainly because, as much as he hates to admit Regulus was right - Sirius really is crashing. The manic energy he usually has whenever he surpases 30 hours of no sleep is through and gone, so now he’s nothing left but the overpowering fatigue.

His whole body feels heavy; Sirius is glad Regulus is there, supporting him while he walks, cause he finds it hard to concentrate on going straight - his eyelids are closing by themselves, and there’s a dull ache starting to build in his head and nausea creeping in.

At least he knows he’ll sleep. Not for much, but maybe he’ll get a few hours, at least.

He doesn’t register them walking up the stairs, or Reggie opening the door to their apartment - it’s small and cramped, with two bedrooms, a bathroom, and a lounge-slash-kitchen; the sink breaks way too often, the walls are paper-thin, and the shower is not meant for Sirius’s height so he bumps his head into the showerhead every night without fail. It doesn’t compare to Grimmauld in the slightest, but it’s theirs, away from their parents, so neither of them ever really complain.

Sirius wiggles out of his shoes - he curses the fact his motorbike boots are almost knee high and have seven or so straps; they’re a pain to take off, but damn him if they don’t look good. He then throws his jacket onto the couch, and heads towards his bedroom.

“Will you be okay for dinner?” he finds himself asking - he’s not sure if he’ll be awake til later at night, and the fridge is probably empty (he notes in his head that he needs to go grocery shopping first thing tomorrow before work). He might be dead on his feet, but he’d hate himself if he didn’t make sure his brother is okay.

“Yeah, I’ll call Lily and ask her if she’ll pick something up for us,” Regulus says, waving Sirius off. “Just- go to bed, kay?”

Sirius feels a strange sting at that - Regulus shouldn’t have to rely on Lily. Sirius should be the one sorting out the food, and his homework, and making sure all is right with his brother. But his stupid fucking sleep deprivation makes it so he can’t, so James and Lily have to check in with Reggie, and then Regulus has to worry for Sirius, when he shouldn’t have to.

Sirius is the older brother, the one that should do the worrying. The one that should be responsible. How is he better than their bloody parents if he can’t even take care of Reggie?

“Mhm,” he settles for, because he feels his throat squeeze uncomfortably, in a way too familiar manner.

Sirius takes one last look at his brother - who’s unpacking his schoolbooks onto the kitchen table (his favourite place to study, cause he’s in close proximity to the kettle) and with that, he sleepily stumbles towards his own bedroom.

He only bothers to take off his jeans and socks, and then he crawls under the duvet and collapses onto the bed.

Sirius somehow remembers to text Remus - it lifts his mood a little, to remember that, despite the probably uncomfortable amounts of pestering, Remus still wanted Sirius to text him; there’s hopes for an actual friendship there, Sirius thinks. Remus doesn’t reply immediately, so Sirius plugs in his phone to charge and leaves it on the nightstand - he’s too tired to wait up for a text back.

He’s exhausted enough to know he will sleep, so thank God for that. And maybe, if he’s lucky, he’ll dream of something nice.

Or, if he’s extra lucky, someone nice.

[theliberaltony]

via Politics – FiveThirtyEight

Do the autopsies of George Floyd agree, or not? News reports from last week suggest the report produced by the Hennepin County medical examiner and the one produced by an examiner hired by Floyd’s family disagreed on his cause of death. The county ruled the cause to be “cardiopulmonary arrest complicating law enforcement subdual, restraint, and neck compression.” It also cited heart disease and drug use as factors that could have contributed to the death. The secondary autopsy, by contrast, specifically said Floyd died from asphyxia.

So who is right? Well, both of them, experts who weren’t affiliated with the case said. In fact, according to forensic pathologists and medical experts, the two autopsy reports aren’t actually all that different in their conclusions. “They are just different ways of describing the same thing,” said Dr. Joye Carter, forensic pathologist to the sheriff of San Luis Obispo County, California. What’s more, experts told me, the autopsies of George Floyd help show the complexity of medical examinations, how those examinations work and what they can and cannot tell us.

Some of the public confusion over Floyd’s autopsy reports can be blamed on misinterpretation by the media and the public, said Dr. Judy Melinek, a San Francisco-based forensic pathologist . “Anybody suggesting asphyxia was ruled out by the medical examiner is wrong,” she said. Indeed, lots of people suggested just that, with media describing the reports as “drastically different” and nearly describing the county report as absolving the white police officer who pressed his knee into Floyd’s back for 8 minutes.

The Hennepin County autopsy may have mentioned factors beyond police conduct, but it was really just saying Floyd’s heart stopped while police were restraining him and pressing on his neck, said Melinek, Carter and Dr. Michael Freeman, professor of forensic medicine and epidemiology at Maastricht University in the Netherlands. It’s not a claim that he died of a heart attack, drugs, or pre-existing conditions, they told me. “The cause of death is police restraint,” Melinek said, just like in the autopsy Floyd’s family commissioned.

The reason it might seem like the exams disagree, they said, is because people expect a single cause of death in an autopsy report. But most people don’t die from just one thing. Instead, both death certificates and autopsy evaluations are set up to tell as detailed a story as possible — death happened, as a result of something, complicated by another thing, and maybe with other factors that were present. You’re supposed to compile the full chain of events and all the possible compounding factors. But documenting potential contributing factors isn’t the same as saying that’s what caused the death.

These reports — and the public confusion around them — also highlight how complex forensic pathology can really be. Take the confusion over asphyxiation. As he was dying, Floyd told the police officers that he couldn’t breathe, eventually stopped speaking and then went limp. So it surprised a lot of people when the autopsy reports came across as saying that they’d found no evidence of asphyxiation.

That is both a misunderstanding of the report and an example of the difficulty in identifying cause of death, experts said. It’s a misunderstanding because an earlier legal document, put out to explain the charges against the officer who kneeled on Floyd, said the county had found no injuries consistent with asphyxia caused by physical trauma. But the actual autopsy report doesn’t mention the word “asphyxia” at all. It does, however, describe “neck compression” as a direct cause of Floyd’s death — meaning the blood flow (and, thus, oxygen) to Floyd’s brain and heart were cut off. It doesn’t take physical trauma to asphyxiate someone.

And that’s where the difficulty of pinning down cause of death comes in, said Dr. Karl Williams, a forensic pathologist who is the chief medical examiner of Allegheny County (home to Pittsburgh), Pennsylvania. “After that video we know why he died,” Williams said. “But it doesn’t necessarily mean, OK, that there’s going to be any evidence of that.” You can make someone lose consciousness just by compressing the arteries and veins in their neck, cutting off blood flow to and from the brain, he told me. Williams said he has watched experts demonstrate this effect at conferences. People will lose consciousness after 7-to-10 seconds, he said. “It’s very reproducible. We vary on where the point of no return would be, but if you block those veins for three to four minutes, you’re dead.”

But there’s no medical literature of what happens to a person’s body when someone kneels on their neck for more than eight minutes, as Derek Chauvin, the Minneapolis police officer now charged with second-degree murder, did to Floyd. So no medical examiner can call up that data and compare it to what they found in Floyd’s body, Williams told me. The result, he said, has been whole listserves full of medical examiners going over the evidence in the Floyd case and arguing back and forth for the past week about how they would write the report. “There certainly is individual variety,” Carter said. “Medicine is a practice and everything isn’t rubber stamped the same way.”

Everybody agrees Floyd’s death was a homicide, Williams told me. But when you get to the specific cause of death, and the order of priority of multiple causes, subjectivity comes into play. “If you were to present that video to 100 different board certified forensic pathologists, you’d get 20, 30, 40 different ways of turning that into the statement of death,” he said. “This happens with about 5-to-10 percent of the cases we do.”

Another good example of an issue where forensic pathologists don’t agree: the existence of a controversial diagnosis — “excited delirium” — which was discussed by the officers at the scene of Floyd’s death. (Neither of Floyd’s autopsies mentioned the condition and none of the experts I spoke to believe it applies to him.) The basic idea behind excited delirium is that someone who is high on stimulants, such as cocaine or methamphetamines, can get into a place where their mind is no longer functioning normally. “They become agitated and violent and hyperthermic, so their body temperature goes up and they undress and act inappropriately. They might break glass and be unaware of their environment. They’re hallucinating,” Melinek said. That situation can often lead to someone being restrained by multiple police officers while they fight back violently. Sometimes the person dies — and the death ends up attributed to excited delirium, rather than to the restraint.

Melinek, Carter and Williams all believe this is a real diagnosis that really does cause death in some situations — though Carter added that restraint can contribute to those deaths. But Freeman isn’t so sure excited delirium is a legitimate cause of death. The dead people diagnosed with it tend to be young, black males who died in police custody, he said. “There’s been cases where the [medical examiner] has done an exam, found 12 broken ribs, a history of extreme restraint and all sorts of things going on,” he said. “But they find a relatively small amount, a recreational level of methamphetamine in the blood and they say, ‘Oh it’s excited delirium.’ Which completely exculpates the law enforcement from causing the death, which they clearly did.” Freeman’s research team currently has a paper in the process of being published that reviews scientific studies comparing excited delirium with cases of agitated delirium syndrome — a medical diagnosis that gets applied more by doctors treating a person who lived, while excited delirium is primarily used by forensic pathologists examining a person who died.

While both syndromes present with roughly the same symptoms, Freeman’s team found that restraint was used in 90 percent of the cases that turned out to be fatal. Only 2 percent of fatal cases involved no restraints. (The rest were unknown.) Forceful restraints such as manhandling or hog-tying were also significantly more likely in fatal cases. The point, Freeman said, is that there’s evidence it’s not the excited delirium that kills people. It’s the way they are restrained.

All the experts I spoke to see no evidence of excited delirium in Floyd’s case. In the video of his death, Melinek pointed out, you can clearly see that he is not sweating excessively, nor is he dressed inappropriately. He communicates clearly with officers and bystanders and is coherent even as he is pleading for his life. But the fact that one of the officers at the scene suggested this diagnosis, and that legal scholars believe it will come up in Chauvin’s defense, demonstrates how medical analysis can be used in cases like this. And how disagreement among forensic pathologists about how to describe the evidence in a case can muddy the legal waters.

“There are very few checks and balances, and that’s really the issue here,” Freeman said. “There’s nobody to second guess your work [as a medical examiner]. If there is somebody doing something in a biased fashion — systematically always doing it wrong … it’s disadvantaged populations who are getting these diagnoses.”

[and-then-there-were-n0ne]

If scientific discoveries and technological developments split humankind into a mass of useless humans and a small elite of upgraded superhumans, or if authority shifts altogether away from human beings into the hands of highly intelligent algorithms, then liberalism will collapse. What new religions or ideologies might fill the resulting vacuum and guide the subsequent evolution of our godlike descendants?

The new religions are unlikely to emerge from the caves of Afghanistan or from the madrasas of the Middle East. Rather, they will emerge from research laboratories. Just as socialism took over the world by promising salvation through steam and electricity, so in the coming decades new techno-religions may conquer the world by promising salvation through algorithms and genes.

Despite all the talk of radical Islam and Christian fundamentalism, the most interesting place in the world from a religious perspective is not the Islamic State or the Bible Belt, but Silicon Valley. That’s where hi-tech gurus are brewing for us brave new religions that have little to do with God, and everything to do with technology. They promise all the old prizes – happiness, peace, prosperity and even eternal life – but here on earth with the help of technology, rather than after death with the help of celestial beings.

These new techno-religions can be divided into two main types: techno-humanism and data religion. Techno-humanism agrees that Homo sapiens as we know it has run its historical course and will no longer be relevant in the future, but concludes that we should therefore use technology in order to create Homo deus – a much superior human model. Homo deus will retain some essential human features, but will also enjoy upgraded physical and mental abilities that will enable it to hold its own even against the most sophisticated non-conscious algorithms. Since intelligence is decoupling from consciousness, and since non-conscious intelligence is developing at breakneck speed, humans must actively upgrade their minds if they want to stay in the game.

Dataism says that the universe consists of data flows, and the value of any phenomenon or entity is determined by its contribution to data processing. This may strike you as some eccentric fringe notion, but in fact it has already conquered most of the scientific establishment. Dataism was born from the explosive confluence of two scientific tidal waves. In the 150 years since Charles Darwin published On the Origin of Species, the life sciences have come to see organisms as biochemical algorithms. Simultaneously, in the eight decades since Alan Turing formulated the idea of a Turing Machine, computer scientists have learned to engineer increasingly sophisticated electronic algorithms. Dataism puts the two together, pointing out that exactly the same mathematical laws apply to both biochemical and electronic algorithms. Dataism thereby collapses the barrier between animals and machines, and expects electronic algorithms to eventually decipher and outperform biochemical algorithms.

For politicians, business people and ordinary consumers, Dataism offers groundbreaking technologies and immense new powers. For scholars and intellectuals it also promises to provide the scientific holy grail that has eluded us for centuries: a single overarching theory that unifies all the scientific disciplines from literature and musicology to economics and biology. According to Dataism, King Lear and the flu virus are just two patterns of data flow that can be analysed using the same basic concepts and tools. This idea is extremely attractive. It gives all scientists a common language, builds bridges over academic rifts and easily exports insights across disciplinary borders. Musicologists, political scientists and cell biologists can finally understand each other.

In the process, Dataism inverts the traditional pyramid of learning. Hitherto, data was seen as only the first step in a long chain of intellectual activity. Humans were supposed to distil data into information, information into knowledge, and knowledge into wisdom. However, Dataists believe that humans can no longer cope with the immense flows of data, hence they cannot distil data into information, let alone into knowledge or wisdom. The work of processing data should therefore be entrusted to electronic algorithms, whose capacity far exceeds that of the human brain. In practice, this means that Dataists are sceptical about human knowledge and wisdom, and prefer to put their trust in Big Data and computer algorithms.

Dataism is most firmly entrenched in its two mother disciplines: computer science and biology. Of the two, biology is the more important. It was the biological embracement of Dataism that turned a limited breakthrough in computer science into a world-shattering cataclysm that may completely transform the very nature of life. You may not agree with the idea that organisms are algorithms, and that giraffes, tomatoes and human beings are just different methods for processing data. But you should know that this is current scientific dogma, and that it is changing our world beyond recognition.

Not only individual organisms are seen today as data-processing systems, but also entire societies such as beehives, bacteria colonies, forests and human cities. Economists increasingly interpret the economy, too, as a data-processing system. Laypeople believe that the economy consists of peasants growing wheat, workers manufacturing clothes, and customers buying bread and underpants. Yet experts see the economy as a mechanism for gathering data about desires and abilities, and turning this data into decisions.

According to this view, free-market capitalism and state-controlled communism aren’t competing ideologies, ethical creeds or political institutions. At bottom, they are competing data-processing systems. Capitalism uses distributed processing, whereas communism relies on centralised processing.

Capitalism did not defeat communism because capitalism was more ethical, because individual liberties are sacred or because God was angry with the heathen communists. Rather, capitalism won the Cold War because distributed data processing works better than centralised data processing, at least in periods of accelerating technological changes. The central committee of the Communist Party just could not deal with the rapidly changing world of the late twentieth century. When all data is accumulated in one secret bunker, and all important decisions are taken by a group of elderly apparatchiks, you can produce nuclear bombs by the cartload, but you won’t get an Apple or a Wikipedia.

There is a story (probably apocryphal, like most good stories) that when Mikhail Gorbachev tried to resuscitate the moribund Soviet economy, he sent one of his chief aids to London to find out what Thatcherism was all about, and how a capitalist system actually functioned. The hosts took their Soviet visitor on a tour of the City, of the London stock exchange and of the London School of Economics, where he had lengthy talks with bank managers, entrepreneurs and professors. After a few hours, the Soviet expert burst out: ‘Just one moment, please. Forget about all these complicated economic theories. We have been going back and forth across London for a whole day now, and there’s one thing I cannot understand. Back in Moscow, our finest minds are working on the bread supply system, and yet there are such long queues in every bakery and grocery store. Here in London live millions of people, and we have passed today in front of many shops and supermarkets, yet I haven’t seen a single bread queue. Please take me to meet the person in charge of supplying bread to London. I must learn his secret.’ The hosts scratched their heads, thought for a moment, and said: ‘Nobody is in charge of supplying bread to London.’

That’s the capitalist secret of success. No central processing unit monopolises all the data on the London bread supply. The information flows freely between millions of consumers and producers, bakers and tycoons, farmers and scientists. Market forces determine the price of bread, the number of loaves baked each day and the research-and-development priorities. If market forces make the wrong decision, they soon correct themselves, or so capitalists believe. For our current purposes, it doesn’t matter whether the theory is correct. The crucial thing is that the theory understands economics in terms of data processing.

[…] Dataism naturally has its critics and heretics. As we saw in Chapter 3, it’s doubtful whether life can really be reduced to data flows. In particular, at present we have no idea how or why data flows could produce consciousness and subjective experiences. Maybe we’ll have a good explanation in twenty years. But maybe we’ll discover that organisms aren’t algorithms after all.

It is equally doubtful whether life boils down to decision-making. Under Dataist influence, both the life sciences and the social sciences have become obsessed with decision-making processes, as if that’s all there is to life. But is it so? Sensations, emotions and thoughts certainly play an important part in making decisions, but is that their sole meaning? Dataism gains a better and better understanding of decision-making processes, but it might be adopting an increasingly skewed view of life.

[…] Of course, even if Dataism is wrong and organisms aren’t just algorithms, it won’t necessarily prevent Dataism from taking over the world. Many previous religions gained enormous popularity and power despite their factual mistakes. If Christianity and communism could do it, why not Dataism? Dataism has especially good prospects, because it is currently spreading across all scientific disciplines. A unified scientific paradigm may easily become an unassailable dogma. It is very difficult to contest a scientific paradigm, but up till now, no single paradigm was adopted by the entire scientific establishment. Hence scholars in one field could always import heretical views from outside. But if everyone from musicologists to biologists uses the same Dataist paradigm, interdisciplinary excursions will serve only to strengthen the paradigm further. Consequently even if the paradigm is flawed, it would be extremely difficult to resist it.

- Yuval Noah Harari, The Data Religion in Homo Deus: A Brief History of Tomorrow

[cyanpeacock]

Time for a little reductionism.

There are three paths in life.

1. It is fundamentally negative.

2. It is fundamentally neutral.

3. It is fundamentally good.

You're likely to walk all these paths, at some point or another. Think hell/purgatory/heaven, or Hekate at the triple crossroads, or the Maiden, Mother, and Crone... whichever triumverate fits your belief system.

Feelings can be physical, as in, bodily sensations, or cognitive, as in, shaped by your thoughts.

Thoughts can evolve and change. There are logical arguments for every catastrophic thought you might have, and logical arguments against.

The goal of meditation, DBT skills, therapy, counselling, even the scientific method, and so on, is to give you the ability to make these arguments yourself. You can cognitively regulate all that arises in the body or mind (allelic dysfunction omitted, because that's where psychiatry and pharmaceuticals come into it).

Say you have chronic pain, and it hurts like hell. This might lead you to believe life is fundamentally bad, and that you want an end sooner rather than later.

Pain can be managed through dissociation. Dissociation can be generated through cognition (or the controlled absence of it). Numbness of feeling leads to relaxation, which leads to the relief of pain, or at least relief from the perception of it.

Relief changes your perception of life. Sustained relief can change it profoundly.

Humans have a cycle to relief. It's a little different for everyone - we call it the circadian (approximately-24-hours) rhythm.

So, feeling the goodness in life requires identifying your cycle.

When do you wake best?

When do you work best?

On what do you work? Does it give you interest and attention?

At what times do you eat, and what do you do with your post-prandial dip (after-eating sleepiness)?

When do you sleep best?

Where do you do all these things?

How much movement do you do in a day?

Are you getting the right balance of macronutrients and micronutrients?

Are you spiritually nourished with a philosphical system(s), as well as physically nourished?

Life can be very difficult when you're young, if you aren't naturally inclined to favour attention to your bodily sensations (e.g. because of traumatic experiences, a neurodivergence, or painful genetic condition like osteoporosis or Ehlers-Danlos syndrome). Instinctively, you'd rather escape your body through cognition. Maybe you stayed up all night reading as a kid, because to try and settle down quietly was uncomfortable or painful, despite an awareness your body needs to sleep.

As kids, we don't have enough information to make the logical arguments to cognitively regulate discomfort and pain, and it's easy to either dwell on them, or dissociate from bodily sensations to a degree where your thoughts are in a spin and your mind can't calm down enough to let the body rest. Obsession vs. distraction.

As adults, we've gathered more information, and the rate of growth and hormonal change has stabilised and become familiar. We also become familiarised with our brains, and the circuits that tend to habitually fire. We get to know ourselves, and recognise our habitual patterns, shaped by the environments we have been given and sought.

Habitual patterns can be changed, once they are noticed. The thought "life is bad" can be countered with "life is good" (and yes, the precursor of "what is bad/good?" is another argument, but let's take it to be Maslow's hierarchy - it is good to self-actualize, and bad to have needs unmet or insufficiently met).

This leads you to a place of cognitive neutrality. It doesn't feel great, but it doesn't feel horrible, either. It's just a question that can be proven or disproven - a null hypothesis.

We don't like being neutral for long. We want proof or disproof of the neutral perspective. Living things want to feel good, as in, have their needs met, giving them the freedom to wander, wonder, and appreciate the beauty in their surroundings.

Over time, once the counterpoint is constructed, a mind makes the argument for life being bad less and less, until a need is unmet. One can get used to needs being unmet and maintain the "right" philosophical standpoint for survival in dire conditions, although it might not feel "good" - this might be described as ascetism. However, one probably shouldn't and won't, where needs can be met - because you have come to know "better," as in, what makes your body specifically feel better.

So, in this manner, health can be managed. OCD can be countered, BPD can be regulated, the worst of some forms of bipolar can be mitigated, anxiety can be relieved, depression can be lifted.

Growing your own neuronal networks and firing the impulses you want to (as well as getting comfortable with the ones you don't) takes time. Plenty of people will try to change you to fit their normal. Part of the process is learning that individual bodies' normals (including memories!) do not always agree, so you should find and talk to the ones who support and add to yours, rather than subtracting from it, and to hold your own when you must speak with a challenge.

That said, it may be the more effective means of coping over pharmaceutical drugs. A highly sensitive body responds better to its endogenous ligand (natural molecule) than a replacement, exogenous ligand from outside. On a physical level, the kinetics of dissociation and association of the endogenous ligand are the body's "normal." We just have to make the impulses work for our wellbeing.

If the "normal" is truly unattainable (significant allelic variation), or temporarily unattainable (environmental hardship, changes in epigenetic expression), an exogenous ligand can be applied. It won't have the same effect, because of differing chemical structures, and this is why we get side effects. The receptors get hit slightly wrong, and the pathways fire a bit funny, which has implications for the rest of your body as well as your mind.

Side effects may be bearable. They may be unbearable. You will form a perception and a judgement of the effect of application of an endogenous ligand, and pick the path that is right for your homeostasis, your maintenance of your understanding of "normal," or to fashion a path that returns you to your "normal" (your best epigenetic expression and physical patterns).

We've got a lot of language for attaining the normal, "right" perspective. There's "feeling right." There's "nirvana." There's possessing the "Sight." There's "recovery." It's all about directing energy flow to your will, and knowing the functional bounds of mind and body (which may not be the actual bounds, say, if you have a connective tissue disorder, or a predisposition to emotional intensity).

So, find the structures you have. Do you know about Wiccan practice? The Christian God? Science? Maths? Literature?

Know your language. All that you know can be related using a series of logical connectives and grammatical structures. Assume there is no mutual exclusivity here, because all of this exists, even if it hasn't been fully explained by science. Even a psychotic or psychedelic experience has basis in the physical reality of matter and energy. Your subjective, internal reality is real, because it is here.

This is hard in English, because it's often structured illogically and still understood, but remember irrationality too is part of an equation. Remember 2πr, from geometry in school? Pi is an irrational number. It's okay, and important, to be irrational sometimes! You'll find the integers, or points, that you require a return to.

You are part of the process. Numerically, you are supposed to be here. The cost-benefit analysis for your body favours you.

Hello, world.

[davetheshady]

🌟 how about chapter 4 of waiting for the bus in the rain 🌟 and only partially because i showed up to yell about the last few paragraphs when it first dropped. also just because i love Julie content and it's the very middle of that fic

::blows dust off inbox:: So! Now that I’ve back from traveling through three countries and recovered from trying to leave most of my arm skin in one of them (PUBLIC SERVICE ANNOUNCEMENT: don’t go so fast you flip over on the Alpine Slide, particularly if you’re in the actual Alps) here’s some DVD commentary on Chapter 4 of Waiting for the Bus in the Rain! It’s chock full of my stylistic hallmarks, i.e. way longer than I expected.

(Note to my sister: THIS IS FULL OF SPOILERS. GO READ MY STORY FIRST YOU LOSER)

There’s a Sheriff’s Secret Police officer outside Julie’s window. Considering she’s in her office on the second floor, this is fairly impressive. But when they scream and scrabble against the glass after accidentally kicking over their ladder for the third time, Julie’s had enough.

Even when they’re not under suspicion of using the scientific method, Julie has to deal with WAY more (attempted) surveillance than Carlos ever does. This is partially because she doesn’t have amazing hair, but also because Cecil doesn’t narrate large chunks of her life over the radio that the SSP can copy down and submit as a report.

vulnerabilities include fire and cold iron

and according to the literature high velocity cheese wedges but i’ve never seen anyone test that

My hand to God. Probably my number one complaint about fantasy as a genre is that everyone takes stuff from Celtic mythology so seriously when half of it is just. Completely bonkers.

Originally, most of the relevant exposition about fairies was provided by a different character entirely: Carlos-f’s misplaced smartphone, an AI who Julie called Hex (yes, like in Discworld, hell yeah science wizards) because she refused to give Julie her name. Hex provided such ringtones as “Dark Horse” and “Double Rainbow” and would occasionally get distracted by lists of numbers. Hmm… 

I changed it back because 1) it was a detour and this chapter was long enough already, 2) Julie and Carlos’ friendship is one of the main throughlines and having them talk to each other was better for the story, and 3) him texting during the middle of a battle is hilarious. But as far as I’m concerned, Hex is still canon. 

Andre yawns on the other end of the line and asks, “What time is it?”

“Quit whining, it’s only—” Julie looks at the clock.

Shit.

“—3:00 AM,” she finishes defiantly, because she still has her pride. Embarrassment pricks at her like flying embers settling on bare skin, because now Andre knows she was so out of it she didn’t even bother to try keeping track of the time, and he’s going to think she couldn’t sleep because of feelings, which is both correct and incorrect, because she wasn’t even trying to sleep since distracting herself by going over the minutiae of their data while the Sheriff’s Secret Police scream and fall in the bushes is better than listening to her cats prowl around while lying in her quiet apartment by herself, and any moment now he’s going to feel bad and decide to humor her and answer her in a voice filled with cloying pity and say—

“Would Hiram McDaniels count as one respondent, or five?” He yawns again.

A good chunk of Julie’s inner turmoil just, like, boils down to a recurring loop of that Tim Kreider quote about “If we want the rewards of being loved we have to submit to the mortifying ordeal of being known.” She doesn’t consciously WANT the rewards of being loved, it just kind of… happens… and then she’s stuck with incredibly loyal life-long friends… and now she not only has to deal with her own feelings but theirs too, which is pretty much her worst nightmare… 

Fortunately, since she’s already gone through the mortifying ordeal of being known, they do frequently pull through and offer the kind of support she knows how to accept. 

“Give TV’s Frank a kiss for me.”

“I’m not kissing my cat for you,” says Julie.

I mean, she’ll kiss the cat. Just not on request. 

And yes, all her cats are named after the Mad Scientists’ sidekicks on Mystery Science Theater 3000. ~foreshadowing~

When she opens the door of her workshop later that morning, she finds that someone has been by to leave her a breakfast tray. Well, “tray”, in that it’s a textbook, and “breakfast”, in that it’s a French press, a stale churro, and her blood pressure medication. But the French press is completely full with still-warm coffee, so overall she’s going to count this as a win.

This appeared pretty early in my drafts: it’s just such a funny mental image to me and also encapsulates Julie and Gary’s relationship pretty well, i.e. a string of question marks who somehow get along.

The naturally suspicious part of her wonders if he deliberately provoked her reaction to the flamingo to gather more information about it. The naturally analytical part of her points out that Carlos is more likely to gnaw off his own hand than put someone in danger, especially when he could just put himself in danger instead.

Julie is just a tad cynical, so she’d definitely think of potentially negative interpretations of her friend’s actions. But it’s not actually a possibility she dwells on in any real sense, and every time she interacts with Carlos-f (not to mention Carlos-0) she trusts him implicitly. She wouldn’t admit it in a thousand years, but she considers Carlos one of the few genuinely good people in the world: not because he never makes mistakes or creates personal disasters, but exactly because of those things. She knows he’s a flawed person, and that everyone is flawed, so that makes him genuine – which means every time he’s tried to do the right thing at personal cost, over and over, that was genuine too.

Basically, there’s a reason why in the last chapter she automatically references “scientist means hero” with “Fuck, I’m turning into you!”

“So,” she says. “Nilanjana. Do you need new pronouns, or anything?”

“Does anyone need any pronouns?” asks Gary contemplatively, which Julie takes as a ‘No’.

“Should I drop ‘Gary’ entirely? Do you want me to change your name in our paperwork?”

He thinks about it for a moment. “I don't know, man,” he concludes. “I don’t really believe in labels.”

Gary has galaxy-brained from “gender is a social construct” straight to “identity is a social construct” and beyond. 

“Are you thinking what I’m thinking?” asks Julie.

“I think so, Dr. K,” says Gary. “But how will we get three pink flamingos into one pair of capri pants?”

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=v-xrnIXQ3iQ

What happens when the wave function ψ is the same as the physical system it describes, and what happens when that physical system collapses?

i.e. what would happen if common misperceptions of the Observer Effect were actually the correct perceptions?

Julie can’t help it: she snorts. “Passionate? Me?”“Well, yeah,” says Romero. “You really care about the things that interest you. You get really involved and angry and never quit or back down.”“Oh,” says Julie, then blurts, “You like that I’m angry?”“I… don’t like it when you’re unhappy?” says Romero. “But – it’s part of you, so… yeah, I guess I do, because it’s how you are. Why? Is – is everything okay?”She’s spent a lifetime having people tell her to stop being angry. No one’s ever told her she’s fine the way she is.

There have been many, many, MANY thinkpieces about how women are socialized not to express anger, often even to themselves. That was never going to work for Julie, who after all is powered by constant low-level rage, but that just means she had to deal with the backlash from not adhering to social programming instead (on top of additional backlash from being a woman in a male-dominated field). Of his own free will, Romero not only rejects that social programming, but also clearly spent time thinking about her empirically to determine that her anger is a positive force instead of a random and horrible personality trait.

He’s a Good Dude.

When she was in elementary school, her third grade teacher had been fond of saying, “If you’re bored, it means you have no imagination,” at least until Julie had decided to deal with her boredom after finishing her science assignment, her homework, and the rest of the textbook by seeing what happened if you jammed a paperclip into the electric socket. (The answer was certainly not boring and, in fact, probably the most exciting and practical thing they learned that year.)

That used to be my aunt’s favorite saying. I personally did not copy Julie’s response, but it is based on research done by one of my friends. (It’s okay, he was very careful about safety and made sure to use rubber-handled scissors to poke random bits of metal into the outlet. Apart from a classmate’s socks catching on fire, everyone was totally fine.)

She wakes to the sound of Cecil talking about the other week’s marathon, which may or may not have been mandatory, whoops. Carlos has texted her an emoji of various hadrosaurids gathered around a campfire singing “We Are the Champions”.

PREVIOUSLY IN NIGHT VALE:

EXT. - THE LABS

Thousands of citizens stream down Main Street, driven relentlessly forward to the Narrow Place. The Harbingers of the Distant Prince hurl themselves towards the building again and again, only to be rebuffed by the wards. Charred corpses lay scattered around the perimeter. Green storm clouds gather overhead as their anger grows. 

INT. - LAB ONE

ANDRE

Did you hear something?

JULIE

[not looking up from her welding]

No.

 Carlos, meanwhile, has NO idea his emojis are not in fact standard. 

“I liked him,” says Josie. [...] “He was trying to do… something, I forget what. I hope he figured it out.” At Julie’s incredulity, she says, “Some people, they’re rough around the edges, but they try. They hope for something better and keep going. That’s important.”

“What if you go where you’re not supposed to?”

“Then you come back and fix what you can,” says Josie.

“What if you can’t?”

“Then you find someone to help you,” Josie replies. “Oh! I love this song.”

She turns up the volume of the radio and treats everyone to the aria from Shastakovich’s Paint Your Wagon.

Vocals by L. Marvin

Angels chilling at your house are, of course, part of the standard retirement package for former Knights of the Church. Old Woman Josie used to carry Esperacchius and passed it on to the Egyptian, after which it went to Sanya. She and Shiro were buds and saw Elvis in Vegas (and also, interestingly, several times in the Ralphs).

Anyway, if you want to suggest that a character is subconsciously mulling over an issue, I recommend having them ask some leading questions without describing their reactions and then change the subject.

“It’s come to my attention,” she begins, then has to stop and clear her throat again. “It’s come to my attention that we have a pretty good thing going on. So I was just wondering if you’d like to keep doing this, you know. For the indefinite future. With me.”When he doesn’t say anything, or look at her, or move at all for that matter, she removes her hand from under her thigh where she’s been sitting on it and points at the lease. “I highlighted where you have to sign,” she says, somewhat unnecessarily. “If you wanted to.”

I think this is the only time we see Julie nervous about anything when her life is not actively in danger.

You can’t write a romance arc without including some degree of emotional vulnerability – it just wouldn’t be satisfying. On the other hand, how that emotional vulnerability manifests is REALLY dependent on the person, and if you don’t base it firmly in their character it wouldn’t be satisfying, either. (I’m REALLY picky about romances in part because of this.) Julie’s not the type to pine or swoon or be filled with self-doubt*, but she is bad at feelings, and unfortunately, she’s determined that an equitable relationship with Romero requires some kind of tangible, committed expression of them. So she does that as best she can. It’s not actively harmful to her, but it does require a stretch out of her comfort zone. 

* ::cough::Carlos::cough::

Yes, Julie has technically registered their equipment with City Hall, in that they’re listed as alternatively “electronic abaci” and “databases” and she’s claimed they only use the internet for checking email. Until now, they’ve coasted on general good will towards Carlos/his hair and the fact that all authority figures have been functionally electronically illiterate since the Incident in the community college’s Computer and Fire Sciences building.

Look, I could have SWORN there was an Incident at the Computer and Fire Sciences building specifically mentioned in canon. Can I find it anywhere? No. Did I listen to an episode that was subsequently erased from history? Possibly.

This time, someone picks up. There are a few seconds of sleepy fumbling, followed by “Hello?” in more vocal fry than voice.“Cecil!” she says. “Is Carlos there?”“Are you in fear for your life from the long arm of the law?” Cecil mumbles.

her current ringtone

“Julie, I said hold on!”“I am holding on,” she snarls as the rumbling stops. “It’s a diagnostic. 75% efficiency? Am I the only one who cares about proper maintenance in this town?”

This combines two of my favorite things: people focusing on hilariously inconsequential details during a stressful situation, and Julie lowkey engaging in supervillainy. Nikola Tesla did not design earthquake machines so Night Vale could install shitty ones they can barely use. STANDARDS.

“I probably wouldn’t have destroyed Weeping Miner,” she says eventually.

“I know,” says Carlos.

“I could have, though,” she says.

“I know that too,” says Carlos.

[...] Carlos shifts. She looks over; he briefly catches her eye and says, “So could I.”It’s not the same. Carlos would probably feel bad about it, for one. But she feels some of her anger dissipate anyway. At least she’s not the only one dealing with this bullshit.

Subconscious concern --> conscious concern! Getting back to Julie’s cynicism: she doesn’t think there are very many good people in the world, and that excludes her too. Sure, she’s risked her life to save others, fight baddies, and make sure the dangerous technology she’s developed doesn’t fall into the wrong hands, but she knows she has selfish reasons to do them, like protecting her friends and making sure the town/world isn’t destroyed so she can keep doing her research.

But at the same time, the fact that she has been dwelling on the ethics of her situation ever since Chapter 19 of Love is All You Need, that she is genuinely bothered that she’d consider destroying a neighborhood, and that she’s talking about this with Carlos, who considers them to have a similar dilemma, suggests that deep down she is dissatisfied by her cynical model of the world because the data isn’t quite matching up. Which, of course, means she needs more data in the form of Chapters 6 and 7.

On one side is a large picture of Carrie Fisher giving everyone the finger

I think Space Mom is mandatory at protests now. 

This whole section (especially the rain) was heavily influenced by the March for Science, which both Ginipig and I went to in 2017. You too can make a difference and also give yourself writing material!

“Any more words of wisdom, Usidork?” she asks instead.

USIDORE, WIZARD OF THE 12TH REALM OF EPHYSIYIES, MASTER OF LIGHT AND SHADOW, MANIPULATOR OF MAGICAL DELIGHTS, DEVOURER OF CHAOS, CHAMPION OF THE GREAT HALLS OF TERR'AKKAS. THE ELVES KNOW HIM AS FI’ANG YALOK. THE DWARFS KNOW HIM AS ZOENEN HOOGSTANDJES*. HE IS ALSO KNOWN IN THE NORTHEAST AS GAISMUNĒNAS MEISTAR AND HAS MANY OTHER SECRET NAMES WHICH YOU DO NOT… YET… KNOW.

* Hoobastank

He blinks at her in polite incomprehension. “I don’t want to miss the Life Raft Debate,” he says. “It’s important to support your department.”

Several universities hold yearly Raft Debates, where representatives from the different disciplines have a debate about which of their respective areas of study is the most vital for humanity and thus should get to take the one-person life raft back to civilization from the desert island they’ve all gotten stuck on.

I should inform you that at my alma mater the Devil’s Advocate, who argues that none of the subjects are worth saving, has won multiple times.

Without taking her eyes off her opponent, Romanoff thrusts out her hand. Dr. Aluki Robinson (Associate Professor of Ornithology) passes her a harpoon, its ivory barbs almost glowing in the dim light.

Nauja and Aluki are both from Cold Case, because no one deserves to be stuck in Cold Case where we’re apparently supposed to be deeply concerned about the main character’s sexual experience but only vaguely perturbed by the powerful white and white-coded women stealing Native American children to brainwash them to their culture so they can be fed to the system seriously WHAT the FUCK Jimbo

ANYWAY, in this universe the Winter fey of Unalaska are discharging their obligations to help the Winter Court against Outsiders by sending some of their people to monitor the prison in Night Vale. This also gets to highlight the fun of an unreliable narrator! Julie is generally not one of those, because she’s a smart and observant person who will happily question everything, but even she has her limits when she’s out of her element. In the case of this story, there are several minor details to suggest there is some Winter and Summer court drama going on in the background (the chlorofiends, an entire academic department of shapeshifters, Molly and Mab personally overseeing bus routes) and most of it just goes completely over her head.

During his undergraduate career, Gary had elicited a considerable amount of interdepartmental discussion about his desire to be exempted from lab regulations for wearing appropriate – or any – footwear in the lab, which evolved into a considerable amount of interdepartmental discussion about whether wrapping your feet in duct tape immediately before said lab time constituted appropriate footwear.

This was based on one of my mother’s students, who eventually resolved the situation by commissioning a handmade pair of moccasins he placed on his feet immediately before entering the lab.

“The scientific method is four steps,” says Carlos with a cheerful inevitability as the officers start shouting panicked instructions into their walkie talkies. “One, find an object you want to know more about; two, hook that object up to a machine using wires or tubes; three, write things on a clipboard; four, read the results that the machine prints.”

This is a direct quote from the book. Was this entire subplot about the scientific method ban designed just to come up with a plausible retcon for why someone with actual scientific training would announce this over the radio? It sure was!

THE SCIENTIFIC METHOD:

1. “Step one, cut a hole in the box,” calls Wei.2. “No, step one is collecting underpants,” says Gary.3. “Step four: make a searching and fearless moral inventory,” says Julie.4. “And then step five, acceptance,” Andre finishes.5. “You see, the first level is ennui, or boredom. In particular cases it may be the desire for somebody or something specific – nostalgia, love-sickness… At more morbid levels it is a dull ache of the soul, a longing with nothing to long for. A sick pining, a vague restlessness. Mental throes. Yearning. And at the scientific method’s deepest and most painful level, it is a sensation of great spiritual anguish, often without any specific cause.”6. “It’s how you decide whether to fix the problem with duct tape or WD-40,” says Julie.7. “I think,” says Osborn, “that it’s a divine machine for making flour, salt, and gold.”

8. “Don’t be absurd,” says Galleti. “The scientific method is two vast and trunkless legs of stone standing in the desert!”

9. “And they say the scientific method is—”

“—the quality of cosiness and comfortable conviviality associated with sitting around a fire in the winter with close friends,” puts in Dr. Chelsea Dubinski, Assistant Professor of Chemistry.

10. “Or is it the special look shared between two people, when both are wishing that the other would do something that they both want, but neither want to do?” asks Galleti.

This section was also a chance to write about the rest of Night Vale’s scientists, of whom we still know so very little. There’s enough of them that there’s a whole science district, and the community college seems pretty well staffed, but the fact that Carlos made such an impact when he rolled into town suggests that they were either pretty lowkey or indistinguishably weird from the rest of the town.

“I don't feel alone,” snaps Julie. “I feel like shit, and I know why I feel like shit, and the thought of outlining that in excruciating detail is, oddly enough, not making me feel any better!”

One of the things I wanted to address in this story (inspired by Ghost Stories, which I uhhhhh did not care for) was the shortcomings of a lot of narratives about grief. Because many of them are not only oversimplified, but also not everyone processes grief in the same way. It’s not necessarily a linear narrative of where you go through the five steps and then you’re totally over it: it might take a long time, or you might be fine until some other, unrelated setback triggers you, or it might be a cyclical process as anniversaries roll around. Grief lingers. Related to that, helping people deal with their grief isn’t always as simple as sitting down with them and offering a sympathetic ear. Some people don’t process their feelings well verbally, and the emotional labor of formulating all your grief for another person’s consumption can be nearly as traumatizing as grieving in the first place, and VERY difficult to do when you’re already feeling down.

On top of that, I think general American culture is just. Real bad at dealing with grief. Which means we don’t have many positive models to base our responses on, either as grievers or as people supporting the grieving, and if you don’t fit those models at all it just makes the process that more difficult because everyone’s stumbling around in the dark.  

“Does it always feel like this?” she asks.“Which part?” asks Carlos.“We won,” says Julie. “Methods have lived to science another day. We can do our work without interference. All we did was lie about what the name meant, but…” She taps the lab table with a pencil. Another secret violation of the law. “It still feels like we… lost something.”“We did lose something,” says Carlos. “It was just a name, but names are important.”

One of the reasons I love writing Carlos and Julie’s friendship so much is because it’s such a relationship of equals. They’re both hypercompetent, pragmatic, and a little ruthless; their skill sets don’t have much overlap (at least, not yet) and their personalities aren’t at all similar, but they get each other and it’s so sweet. When they wander out of their respective areas of expertise, or stumble across some kind of dilemma, they feel comfortable asking each other for guidance – they can admit their ignorance and drop their public facades of Having Their Shit Together because they trust each other. 

“I want—” Her mouth opens and shuts again, wordlessly. Her scowl deepens.Then she narrows her eyes and says, “Darmok and Jalad at Tanagra.”

Molly being a huge Trekkie is pretty much my favorite thing from Ghost Story (not to be confused with Ghost Stories)(although thinking about it, swapping their plots would be kind of amazing??), so of course I wanted her and Julie to interact in a way that showed off what huge nerds they are.

But yet another element I wanted to include in this story is the background detail that ~the masquerade~ must be maintained because it’s too dangerous for humanity as a whole to be fully cognizant of the supernatural – which tends to get a little lost in the sauce, because the supernatural is consistently super duper powerful and our heroes (most of them pretty supernatural themselves) generally avert disaster by the skin of their teeth. But here’s Julie, just a regular human who’s capable of producing terrifying technology, has no concern for the rules and traditions of ancient regimes unless they’re inconveniencing her, and who would be perfectly fine with upending the status quo just to see what happens. Regular humans just aren’t more flexible about change than the supernatural, they’re even curious about it sometimes – which must be terrifying to something like the Winter Court, which has been devoted to maintaining the same strict balance since forever. Regular humans can do stuff like tell a story so well it inspires the Winter Lady to subvert her magical restrictions and remind her of her own humanity.

Julie grumpily emails him a rough summary of her thoughts on Troy Walsh and her conversation with Molly and heads up to her office to pull up everything she has on both the bus garage and the man in the tan jacket.

Bullshit secretkeeping (“I can’t tell the other main character this important plot point, it’s better if they don’t know”) is one of my least favorite tropes and I avoid it at all costs. It’s such a stupid way to add tension. It can maybe work once, but after your character has inevitably watched it backfire spectacularly, you can’t repeat it ever again unless you want to imply they’re a dumbass who never learns from their own mistakes and apparently doesn’t care that it clearly puts everyone in more danger. ::looks pointedly at a certain book series::

Also, it’s almost always much more interesting to have characters try to share important information. If they don’t succeed, it coats everything in ironic horror as the outcomes one person tried to avoid happen despite their best efforts. If they do succeed, it means everyone is fully cognizant of the potential danger even as they are still prevented from acting on it properly, like because they (e.g.) get kidnapped in the middle of the street. 

King City is not in the correct dimension. The man in the tan jacket seems to know something about this, but up until a year ago he wasn’t drawing attention to it. He was busy poking his nose into everyone’s business, ingratiating himself with the powerful and the influential, dealing with them in secret…basically, the SOP of your typical Night Vale authority.Like the Night Vale Area Transit Authority, with its bus route to… King City.They had a job and they chose to keep it, Molly said.“Fuck,” says Julie. “He was working for them!”

In retrospect, it’s hilarious to me how much of this fic was powered by spite. Ghost Stories and Cold Case both really bothered me. The resolution of the Man in the Tan Jacket storyline, meanwhile, felt pretty underwhelming – not because what Finknor came up with wasn’t interesting, but because it barely engaged with the few plot points they had already established. Like, when TMITJ shows up in the podcast he interferes with the Mayor, he’s connected to the city under Lane Five, he surfaces during the Strex Corp arc, he interacts with a whole bunch of series regulars in an ominous fashion… Yeah, that probably came from Finknor dropping him in more or less at random, but the end result was that during the first several years of the show it seemed he was an active driver of whatever his plot was supposed to be. In WTNV: The Novel, though, he’s much more reactive and impotent. This wouldn’t necessarily be bad if this change was acknowledged as part of his storyline, but… it’s not… 

(And I get that it can be difficult to come up with a plot for an element you didn’t intend to be plotty at all, but like: there wasn’t THAT much material they had to account for. I should know, I had to look it all up to write THIS story.)

I think this was especially frustrating because it ends up feeling like a “have your cake and eat it too” on the part of Finknor: it’s not automatically bad when fans care more about the show’s continuity than the creators (creators have different concerns, and a lot of time that means they’re using the creative latitude to do something neat), but the novel was very much presented as “finally, a resolution to that one mystery you find cool!” which is… pretty much a direct appeal to the fans’ care about the continuity. So to then ignore or retcon so many aspects of the continuity without any story payoff for it feels like a cheat. 

(Ultimately, though, my inspiration to actually sit down and write mainly sprang from 1) all the lovely comments about how so many people loved my OFC, which as someone who started lurking in online fandom in the early 2000s was both mind-boggling and heartwarming, and 2) lol those ladies have the same name. I learned nothing.)

She gets the call at 21:27. She goes to the hospital, although there’s not much point. The human mind is the most powerful thing on the planet and it's housed in a fragile casing of meat and bone.

I’ve mentioned a few times (possibly more than a few)(probably more than a few) that I didn’t like the WTNV live ep Ghost Stories, and that’s because the ~big reveal~ is that Cecil’s story was actually about a personal family tragedy, and once he’s able to admit that, everything is hunky-dory. As I recall, it went something like this:

WTNV: hey remember that time your mom died and your family was thrown into chaos

ME: WELL NOW I DO

WTNV: and on that note, good night everyone!

Needless to say, everything was not hunky-dory. 

But on top of being emotionally compromised for the whole following week, I was also professionally annoyed. Prior to this live show, we’d had a few cryptic references to Cecil’s mom and could reasonably infer that his relationship with his sister was strained. Critically, though, neither was their own clearly-defined character (compare to the treatment of Janice or Steve Carlsberg), these were not frequently recurring elements that would suggest they weighed heavily on Cecil’s mind, and it wasn’t even obvious that their backstory WAS particularly tragic. So the emotional lynchpin of this live show was mostly new information about Cecil regarding characters the audience had no connection to.

Tragic narratives are powerful not only because they evoke intense emotions, but also because those emotions are supposed to go somewhere and do something: provide catharsis, reinforce the artist’s philosophy, make the audience ponder the meaning of life... In using a tragedy as a plot twist, your ability to give it the proper emotional arc is very limited, because you have to misdirect from its existence while building it up, and then quickly progress from upsetting emotions to those more appropriate for concluding the story. That’s not impossible, but Ghost Stories immediately throws a wrench in the works by splitting the audience’s emotional journey away from Cecil’s: he already knew about the tragedy and the people involved with it, so the plot twist acts as his emotional catharsis... but only his. When the twist itself is the first time the audience realizes there ARE emotions, and that the first 85% of the show was completely unrelated to them, there’s simply not enough time for the audience to have them, process them according to the story’s weird ramblings that kinda imply fiction based on real life is more important than genre fiction like horror (PS: that’s a WEIRD take for a fictional horror podcast), and reach their own kind of catharsis without it being horrifically rushed. Particularly when they’re having a WAY more emotional response than the character due to their own personal tragedies which they were not expecting to have to think about during a fun podcast live show about ghost stories.

As stuff like this points out, you can’t just sprinkle in character deaths and expect quality entertainment to sprout: there has to be a purpose to putting the tragedy in the story (even if that purpose is to highlight how purposeless tragedy can be in real life). I’ve always been VERY critical of the assumption that tragedy is ~more artistic~, both in historical lit and modern pop culture; sad emotions aren’t inherently more meaningful than happy ones. Merely including tragic events isn’t deep; you have to do the work and make it deep, in its context and development.

So: on to ::gestures proudly:: probably the worst thing I’ve ever written!

From an aesthetic standpoint, I leaned into the Night Vale house style in this section because I found it to be really effective at conveying the enormity of the tragedy for Julie: it’s pretty blunt, just like her, but the focus on oddly specific details, the narrative distancing, and the lurking sense of existential horror seemed a fitting demonstration of how badly the emotional gutpunch disrupted her narration/life. 

And I really wanted it to be an emotional gutpunch. (But not a surprise: even if I hadn’t warned for it specifically, Julie mentions Romero dying all the way back in Ch. 10 of Love is All You Need.) This is in part a story about grief and mourning, so the loss that caused it needed a central place. I wanted it to be powerful enough to retroactively fit in with how upset Julie is in the opening chapters and to add real tension to the devil’s bargain the feds want to make with her in the next chapter. But most importantly, I wanted it to be so significant to both Julie and the audience that the end of the story has an impact. Loss doesn’t get “cured” – but it seems to me like it’s not supposed to be. Loss is a part of life; love, in whatever form, helps give you strength as you grow and change from the experience into someone new, and this is also a story about the love in friendship.

I think a lot about the ethics of writing tragic stuff, because when you get right down to it, ultimately art boils down to poking your fingers in someone’s feelings and stirring them around. People get really invested in the stuff you are responsible for creating, and making someone feel bad for no reason isn’t being an artist, it’s being a dick. But I’m very happy with how this turned out, and hopefully didn’t traumatize anyone who didn’t want to be traumatized.

(I do feel bad for everyone who was reading as I posted that had to wait an entire year for the next chapter, though. I wanted to get something up sooner, but I had to wait until I sorted Chapter 6 and Chapter 6 was just. The worst. WORDS ARE HARD. People who read WIPs are braver than any Marine.)

hmu for more dvd commentary!

[ofxcxdemics]

( fergie vc ) guess who’s so 2000 and late ? i am so so so sorry for the latenes of this ! with being in the worst timezone, having dkjgfd a lot happening at home alongside running the main, it’s been full on ! also warning in advance i don’t think anything makes sense, BUT ALAS. howdy y’all, the name’s lilac, the game is causing all my ocs unimaginable pain dkfgjdf. under the cut you’ll find more about my boi nathaniel, who is ‘ the academic ’ ! and hey-yo let me warn you that this gif is probably the only time you’ll see him smile. we in the business like to call him... mr grumpy gills. ( if you don’t believe me then please know i’m listening to a youtube video called ‘sad melancholy songs to write to’ as i type this up lmfao ). but if you wanna learn about the wreck that is nate, definitely click below. 👁 *evil cackles to set the tone*

NATHANIEL BALLANTYNE

an artillery of books as turrets of knowledge, the expanse of an empty sky, the noose of a tie around your neck, ineligible scribble in notebooks, the companionship of shadows, barbed words and malignant glares, a blackboard spilling with equations, russian literature and blackened coffee, a corner of library that only you have touched, an insatiable thirst to know everything, ink stains on your hands, an empty address book.

faceclaim: bill skarsgård

skeleton: the academic

age: twenty three 

major: astrophysics ( phd )

clubs: chess, book club ( former )

employment: teacher’s assistant at st etienne university

HISTORY

nathaniel ( known endearingly as nate to those close to him, so literally no one kdgfjdf ) was born the first child to one of the most wealthy families in ashmont

the ballantynes have been a foundation to the town’s high society for years. they were overjoyed at a male heir to inherit the riches, and much hope was rested onto the shoulders of a young nathaniel ballantyne, even from birth

it was clear very early on that nate wasn’t like other kids. elective solitude, piercing glances, and his only retort to playmates being the question of why or how whenever anything was presented to him. would have more conversations with a beetle in his backyard than he would anyone his age. even his nannies were fascinated by him. at the beginning of his life many believed he would not amount to much, as it took him nearly twice as long as a normal child to begin speaking. this could speak to the attention that was given to him as a baby, or it could be indicative of the racing mind hidden behind a pair of icy blue eyes. 

as a child he was a little eccentric, and a little introverted, but for a time - nathaniel was a normal kid. he had a handful of friends, could find little joys in the world around him... he certainly was more ‘bookish’ than most, but that wasn’t strange at all. 

but to digress for a moment, his last name sound familiar ?? yeah ??? you may be acquainted with one edward ballantyne... nate’s younger brother

despite being the eldest, the smartest, the tallest, the.... no matter what nate did, it was never enough to be more in his parents’ eyes. like they’d had a portrait painted of the child they desired before nate’s birth, and couldn’t help but compare nate to it long after he was born. on top of that, edward inherited all the charms, wit and characteristics the family could hope for. many other people in their lives felt the same. and since a child, nate couldn’t help but more at home in the shadows than he did with anyone in his family. a manor of that size it was  easy to be a stranger with the people he lived with. however, that didn’t mean it didn’t hurt a young nathaniel.

pls don’t be sad for him though, because this is nate’s villain origin stories, and he’s a fucking douche nozzle 

after a tragic incident [ redacted... because secret ( ͡o ͜ʖ ͡o) ] at the age of thirteen, it was like a switch flipped inside nate’s brain 

the introverted kid soon completely isolated himself. what warmth he had in his heart that was filled with curiosity and a willingness to learn about the world calcified into bitter contempt for those around him 

he became cynical, cruel, apathetic. a beautiful lil nihilist. he hates absolutely everything. and if he doesn’t hate something, he will research it extensively until he finds a reason to

( sidebar: everything except.... the environment. that’s right folks. the guy who hates everything hates green house gas emissions and oil spills more than anything. part of this is through his work in the scientific field he has formed very strong opinions of the selfish people who pollute the planet. he also will take any excuse he can to hate his fellow man dgkfj. )

but for years nate had already felt the resentment brewing inside the family home, but after this point, he knew it to be fact. he hardly spoke to either of his parents, and he seldom attended any functions anymore. regardless of the accolades named in nate’s honour earned for his academic merit, he became a blight to the family. so much so that many new acquaintances to the family didn’t even know he existed. 

from that point onwards at least, nate never felt alone. he made sure he didn’t, as he drowned himself in academia, befriended scholars beyond this world and time, and sought to improve himself by amassing a wealth of knowledge that no amount of charm or money could buy. he had to be the best. [spongebob vc smitty werbenjagermanjensen, he was number one]

in his endevours to learn, well, everything, some could say it was romantic that nate related to the stars, and that’s how his love of astrophysics and astronomy was born. maybe it was more that he felt he could relate to an alien more than an actual human being dkjfgdf. in either case, growing up as a teenager he would sometimes lay out there in the snow to the brink of illness, lost in the sights of what was above. no one was going to stop him, after all. and he had to memorise it all, bit by bit. 

regardless, as nate grew older, it was clear he was gifted. eidetic memory, an iq over 160, voracious reader, a world ranked chess player. he truly is ‘the academic’. as a teenager, he excelled. his vices were limited to coffee and classical music ( for he was too afraid to risk his mental acuity by ever trying alcohol, and cared too much about his health to try smoking ), and for many none had heard his voice for the 4 years he attended high school. 

to that end, despite his parents forcing him to any gathering his brother would attend growing up, to keep face and remind others that hey, the ballantynes actually had two sons, nate always found a way to wander off and muse to himself - a flavoursome preference to any ‘monotonous conversation’. what many believe to be intruding or snooping was simply nate doing what he does best - avoiding people.

speaking of conversations, nate is known to be blunt. his social skills are so far receded to the point that he has no concept of the hurt some words can do. many people believe nate to be a deliberately cruel person, but the reality is that nate is just heartbreakingly honest and curious, and he doesn’t understand the power words have over people

however, it will be said... nate is not a nice person

like i won’t lie he’s borderline sociopathic djkgfdf, and somewhat masochistic. he does what he can to feel superior at times.

but for someone so absorbed into scholarly endevours, he is still human. he can’t help the kick of exhilaration he feels when he sees a poor reaction to words that he says. the flicker in someone’s eyes as his words course through their veins. nate wants to understand everything, and he can’t help be fascinated by the journey a cruel comment can make. it’s not that he wants to make people feel bad, he wants to understand how it happens. 

in addition to that, nate feels as though, despite the slights of his life being minuscule compared to what many others deal with, it is justified his behaviour. a form of revenge. not only is he tarnishing the precious image his family has always tried to cultivate without him, it felt good to know that other people can hurt too. 

with this in mind, nate does have some good qualities. he is perseverant, and he is curious. the word no means nothing to him, and reaches beyond it every day. he has a hard time to trusting people, but for the 3 people in his inner circle, he is an excellent ally to have. sometimes he is selfless without realising it, and always is honest. he also has a very dry sense of humour. and for those that way inclined, he most definitely is loaded kdjgffd.

but with little in the way of friends, nathaniel graduated high school knowing he wanted to be an astrophysict. without the athletic acumen to ever be an astronaut of any kind, he relished the hopes of research that would be the first of its kind, to break boundaries. with his scores nate could attend any damn college he pleased. his eyes were heavily affixed to oxford. despite the wealth in the ballantyne bank and the trustfund affixed to his name, nate was swimming in scholarships. 

but it wasn’t enough for him. it would never be enough for him. 

nathaniel stayed in ashmont. he attended st etienne. to others, he says he needs to show his parents what he’s capable of. to remind them he exists. that he’s better than everyone in the goddamn town he hates more than anything. the truth was though, for all his attributes, nate had never been good with change. he wasn’t brave. 

so we arrive to the now, where nate is currently studying his doctorate, after having graduated with his bachelor degree. he still intends to move away, very far away, once his degree is done. will it happen though ? we just don’t know !

as for the murder investigation, bIG FAT YIKES

and as you may know, daisey rutherford was nate’s brother’s fiance. nate does not like his brother. so to end this i... i’m just putting that out there. *evil cackle here* (◕‿◕✿)

PLOTS & CONNECTIONS

plotting with nate... will be interesting. he isn’t the nicest person going around dkgjdf, so if you want someone for any negative/enemy type plots, i volunteer as tribute ! and with that in mind, i hope to see nate develop over the course of veritas, and i’d be so honoured if you’re willing to have your muse be part of nate’s journey ! below i have a few REALLY TERRIBLE plot ideas listed, but please give this post a phat LIKE and i’ll come to your tumblr or discord messages and maybe we can plot something out ! i am so so excited to write with all you lovely people, and i hope you give my dgkfdj terrifying son and myself a chance. <3

DINNER PARTY ( plot ) || given that there are a lot of rich socialite families here, i figure that nate’s family is bound to know a few of the other wealthy families !! a fun lil thread we could possibly do is have the pair run into each other at one of these galas. maybe it’s a run-of-the-mill affair, maybe it’s something run by the rutherfords that these two happen to both be attending, maybe it’s run through the university. maybe it’s a charity gala. they could be friendly somewhat, maybe they hate each other, maybe they’re childhood friends. let’s discuss. >:) 

STARS ABOVE ( plot ) || as a major of astrophysics and heading towards his phd, nate loves the stars. it’s probably the only positive emotion he has kjgfdkjgdf. so i dont know HOW this would work, but perhaps nate and someone else look for the stars together. nate has a whole professional set up and is like,,, a total nerd so he’s not fooled by the mysticism or, admittedly, the romance of it. maybe your character is high and happens upon him at night, maybe your muse thinks that nate is the killer ( lmao ) and wants to investigate, maybe your muse is a fellow chess member and wants to get to know this billy goat gruff. 

FOR BETTER OR WORSE ( connection )|| nate is a perfect person to fulfill everyone’s favourite trope of ‘the good person wanting their love to transform the bad person into a good person’. maybe it’s platonic, maybe it’s romantic, but someone wants  to make nate a better man. what i say to them - good luck lmfao. however i’d love to plot this out as it could go literally anyway !!

ENEMIES  ( connection )|| fuck, i need nate to have all the enemy connections. i figure most people will dislike him on principle anyway bc he’s human rubbish kgjkdf BUT maybe they are academic rivals ? maybe they grew up together and have always been competing ? maybe they used to be friends and they fell out ? maybe nate said something horrible to them and they were never forgiven ? maybe they are super close with nate’s brother and since nate dfkgjdf dislikes him, they are enemies by consequence ?

HATESHIP ( connection ) || i can’t decide what i want more kdjfgdkf but basically ??? this friendship is of two people who don’t like each other, but they hate literally everyone else so they join together in their mutual hatred. maybe they actually bond more over time, maybe their somewhat petty rant sessions about everyone else never change. either way, it would be super fun to have nate be in a 70 year old woman dynamic with someone dkfjgd.

BETTER MAN ( connection ) || so many people love to reveal the ‘heart of gold’ underneath someone surly and temperamental. it happens all the time. for some reason unbeknowst to anyone, someone takes an interest in nate for some reason. sees more to him than is strictly there. wants to see him become a better person. jokes on them, nate probably won’t develop kdgfjdf BUT it could be a really fun connection to play out ! it could be extra spicy if we add a dash of kjdgdf romance to it too somehow !

okay this was a huge ass mess. i usually go to bed at 9pm every night ( IM NOT KIDDING ) and its currently 12:44am my time so dkfgjdf. i am going to leave this here. i hope this makes sense ??? but thank you so much for reading. remember to like this if you wanna plot, but either way i look forward to seeing you on the dash !! <3 <3

[fantroll-purgatory]

Ellara Aphros

@ghostlyshoes

Yeah, I know for now she looks a tad like a certain canon character we know. Though she’s a trollsona and somewhat based off me anyway. I’m open to changes in design you might want to put forward though! (Note: the one on the far left was created by a friend for me!)

Hmmm… I might want to play with this idea of her looking like Vriska a little bit, actually. It’s very uncommon for trolls to share signs, which means they’re very closely related if they DO share a common sign. So I think… Usually I don’t jump the gun on talking about themes and ideas like this all the way at the beginning, but I think I want her ancestor to be at least related to Mindfang. Maybe her ancestor was one of Mindfang’s Hypothetical on-planet descendants… 

I want to do this connection link if only because of her interest in the zodiac, interest in history, interest in destiny, stuff like that. 

Planet: Alternia

Name: Ellara Aphros ‘Ellara’ is close to ‘Helena/Helen’ which means ‘bright shining light’ or Torch. It may have connections to ‘Helios’ the Greek sun God in lexicographical meaning. ‘Aphros’ comes from ‘Aphrodite’ Venus’s Roman counterpart. It also links to both ‘Phosphorous’ (A Chemical element which is highly reactive and glows with a bright white light, ‘phosphorescent’ meaning to glow, particularly in the Dark which could also relate to her god-tier Sylph of Light which means ‘Creator of Light’. And the word ‘Amp’ a unit of electric current.

Eilidh might be a better option than Ellara, because it is the Gaelic version of the name Helen. 

Aphros might be good, though the amp thing doesn’t feel particularly related to her name or her theme… And she’s not particularly focused on beauty, so referencing Aphrodite might not be the best option? Maybe Vernal instead. Vernal references the Vernal Equinox, which is the solar position from which the Zodiac was determined. 

Eilidh Vernal. 

Trolltag: ghostlyCensurer, predeterminedSpectre [GC, PS]

‘ghostlyCensurer’ refers to her being the ‘watcher’ from far afield. Unspotted and unnoticed by most everyone. As well as her silent analysis on the suburb which she lives above of. ‘preterminedSpectre’ is pretty similar. ‘Predetermined’ In her need to know the future and 

extrasolarObserver instead, maybe? Extrasolar implies a far distance away but also references her light theme, and Observer links back to the watcher thing but just… sounds better with extrasolar than Censurer does. Oooooh or extrasolarAugur to reference her interest in things like tarot… 

Typing Quirk: Replaces ‘E’ with ‘3’ (Reference to her lusus, who is a Cerberus so three heads) Uses the ‘V●ᴥ●V’ Dog Puns wherever possible Punctuation in packs of three (!!!, ???, …) (Especially when excited about a certain topic)

I think the 3 could still work with the Papillon mom because 3 looks like a butterfly’s wing. 

Blood Colour: Cerulean

Symbol: True Scorpio (Originally ‘Venus’) (Venus can also mean ‘Morning Star’ (connected to the meaning of Lucifer, which again connects to the light theme (light bearer) and well as her Cerberus lusus))

Lusus: Corgiberus (The Pack-Mind) Slightly air-headed but rather friendly. Can be intimidating due to her massive size and loud barking noises. The closer trolls come to approaching the hive the louder it starts barking. It can reach levels that deafen the odd rust or brown blood.

Alternate (this one might keep with the Cerulean colour more) Butterbark A giant ‘Papillion’ or butterfly dog. It has it’s ears set as it’s wings and three giant compound eyes, two in the standard place at the side and one acting as a ‘third eye’ in the centre. It’s very friendly despite its oddly terrifying features. (Butterflies are thought to be spirits of the dead watching over you in many cultures and circles. This links back to her ‘ghostly’ and ‘spectre’ trolltags)

I like the Papillon idea a lot better! Butterbark… Barkflymom… I like the idea of this cute papillon dog with earwings that is also a little bit armored. Friendly, cute, a pal. Butterflies are also often references to the Impact of the past and also the potentiality of the future, so I think this adds some additional layers to her theme. 

Alignment: Chaotic Neutral

Strife Specibus: Stationarykind (Using several types of stationary, pens, pencils, rulers etc. Although she is generally less skilled at using each one of them, it’s also what she uses in order to note down a lot of her findings and obviously more practical than tossing a book.)

I actually like the idea of her using Tarotkind. She pulls a combination of cards and has to utilize the attack that is produced by that combination. Example: Say she pulls a two of swords, a two of wands, and the magician: she’d have access to a 2x1 sword, both sides of which can function as a magical focus. But if she pulled the hermit, the fool, and a three of cups, she might summon three old banged up juggling cups. 

Fetch Modus: Zodiackind Yep all 48 signs. She builds up association between objects and what she uses to read people/the future and they go into 1 of 48 different ‘sections’. Although, she has to work out which section the object has actually gone into herself.

You should have this visually look a bit like a constellation map and each of the items is a “star” in a constellation. She has to map out the entire constellation and then pick out the appropriate star corresponding to the item she wants to retrieve. 

Powers: None (As typical for most highbloods)

She gets Blueblood Psychic Resistance, at least. 

Title: Sylph of Light

(Explanation for this will be lower down and referenced in her personality/interests) 

I actually have to protest that she’s a Seer of Light. A passive observer, someone who utilizes mediums through which to obtain and analyze information. Someone who searches for information, cares deeply about collecting and understanding it… But it would also push her to learn how to engage with other people, because passive classes are all about the good of the group.

Land: Land of Blockades and Gleam (LOBAG)

Land of Meteor and Twinkle. I wanted to give her a LOMAT acronym to reference Vriska as well. It could be a landscape covered in observatories, with the meteors circling the planet also metaphorically referencing her distance from others. AND meteors give off light. Fun.

Denizen: Paris (Paris kidnapped Helen of Troy, which is where the route of her name comes from, it makes sense that they would be a challenge for her.)

Here might be where you use the name Aphrodite instead. An image-focused deity who is somewhat motherly… It was Aphrodite’s fault that Paris kidnapped Helen of Troy, so it feels more appropriate to use a deity.

Dream Moon: Prospit

Hive Location: A hill overlooking a suburb, her hive being mostly apart from any others. It has a large window which has a view of the town in almost it’s entirety. She’s looking upon the lives of others without interacting with them. It’s fit with a telescope which can be used to look at the stars and planets above. Or sometimes ca be used to look across various sections of the planet (but not too far.) She finds herself analyzing (or over analyzing) these things.

Hive: Generally, a large mess; mostly consisting of various half written essays and complaints, half read books and other materials strewn across floors and desks. Many plush animals also lay around the hive, a lot of them rather pristine (she uses them as kind of a comfort, rather than to demonstrate anything). Doesn’t stop her from losing her a lot of her supplies, she’s really good at loosing things.

Personality/Backstory/Interests: Ellara has spent most of her time observing people and observing the lives of others through her own eyes rather than interfering with them or making them better in any way. She’s a hermit with an interest in people but with no actual friends. She generally considers herself a critic and sometimes finds herself critiquing several types of literature across troll history. She’s fond of finding metaphors within them, even if they make little sense or are just kind of esoteric. She has a hard time completing everything she intends to or sets out to do, however, either due to her fear of failure, lack of commitment or general sense of laziness.

Although her main issue perhaps that she is too pushy and critical and this leads her to come off as unwelcoming, defensive and antagonistic. Since she’s not all that good at getting on with people, mostly due to her isolation and common state of introspection (even if it leads to her frequently doubting herself). She finds it hard to tell when her criticism is welcome or needed and gets herself worked up when she dosen’t really need to. She’s really quick to think of the worst possible outcome to a situation and isn’t afraid to remind people of it. She states she would rather be ‘right or pleasantly surprised’ which gives her an air of arrogance. She’ll rather plan out her steps into the unknown and gather the knowledge she needs before attempting anything, she’s very wrapped up in analysing the possibilities of the future and the past. Whether this be through scientifically trying to analyse trends or through using tarot cards and analysing star placements. Although she has been known to make the occasional impulsive decision, normally leading to bad consequences.

I do like the idea of this character being an outside watcher. I want to push that a little bit by having her fascinated with people. Enjoying researching their histories and who might be related to them and all that. Gathering useful data that she can then interpret through the lens of her zodiac signs or tarot cards. Create a kind of fascination with ancestors in general. Knowing their histories and how people are likely to mirror those lives…  

And I think you should have her be just a little interested in pirates. Maybe not interested in sailing or combating herself, but maybe have her be interested in the history of them, the strategies they employed, and the superstitions they believed in. 

In fact, having her be superstitious in general may be a good idea? 

If you want her to be a prospit player, you can’t have her decisions be Too analytical or rational. I think you should make her have just a sort of bet-on-it feeling with regards to fate and destiny and the future-seeing objects and predictors she uses. She can be ultimately worried about the decisions she’s making, but have her fall back on these interests and habits instead of Thorough Thought. 

And now for design!:

Oof my tablet started throwing a fit halfway through this so it’s not my best work, but here we go! 

Horns: We never see horns that are different heights and it was a little too obvious that her horn was just Vriska’s horn with a bit erased. So I gave her some horns that look like butterfly wings and antennae. 

Hair: Just a few more fun flips for effect. 

Glasses/eyes: I edited them so that there was a jeweler’s magnifying glass over her one eye, along with a light attachment. I thought it was a good way to reference her wanting to analyze things closer. I also edited her makeup to be a bit less thick, got rid of the eyebrows, and edited her left pupil to be shaped a bit like a butterfly. I wanted to create 3 pupils to keep with the three concept. 

Mouth: I thicked the lips a little and added some fangs. 

Scarf: I wanted to create some visual difference between her jacket and Vriska, so the best way to do that for me was… make a scarf. Like the kind fortune tellers wear in movies, with the tassels. 

Pants/Shoes: I redid them entirely, mostly because everything looked a bit clunky and proportionally off? I wanted to keep the kind of platform shoes, though, so I did that. I also added some butterfly wings to her shoes in white. 

Thanks for sharing her!

-CD

[thinking-outline]



‘It’s a Superpower’: How Walking Makes Us Healthier, Happier and Brainier

By Thinking Outline ; Pratay Das

Neuroscientist Shane O’Mara believes that plenty of regular walking unlocks the cognitive powers of the brain like nothing else. He explains why you should exchange your gym kit for a pair of comfy shoes and get strolling.

Taking a stroll with Shane O’Mara is a risky endeavour. The neuroscientist is so passionate about walking, and our collective right to go for walks, that he is determined not to let the slightest unfortunate aspect of urban design break his stride. So much so, that he has a habit of darting across busy roads as the lights change. “One of life’s great horrors as you’re walking is waiting for permission to cross the street,” he tells me, when we are forced to stop for traffic – a rude interruption when, as he says, “the experience of synchrony when walking together is one of life’s great pleasures”. He knows this not only through personal experience, but from cold, hard data – walking makes us healthier, happier and brainier.

We are wandering the streets of Dublin discussing O’Mara’s book, In Praise of Walking, a backstage tour of what happens in our brains while we perambulate. Our jaunt begins at the grand old gates of his workplace, Trinity College, and takes in the Irish famine memorial at St Stephen’s Green, the Georgian mile, the birthplace of Francis Bacon, the site of Facebook’s new European mega-HQ and the salubrious seaside dwellings of Sandymount.

O’Mara, 53, is in his element striding through urban landscapes – from epic hikes across London’s sprawl to more sedate ambles in Oxford, where he received his DPhil – and waxing lyrical about science, nature, architecture and literature. He favours what he calls a “motor-centric” view of the brain – that it evolved to support movement and, therefore, if we stop moving about, it won’t work as well.

This is neatly illustrated by the life cycle of the humble sea squirt which, in its adult form, is a marine invertebrate found clinging to rocks or boat hulls. It has no brain because it has eaten it. During its larval stage, it had a backbone, a single eye and a basic brain to enable it to swim about hunting like “a small, water-dwelling, vertebrate cyclops”, as O’Mara puts it. The larval sea squirt knew when it was hungry and how to move about, and it could tell up from down. But, when it fused on to a rock to start its new vegetative existence, it consumed its redundant eye, brain and spinal cord. Certain species of jellyfish, conversely, start out as brainless polyps on rocks, only developing complicated nerves that might be considered semi-brains as they become swimmers.

Sitting at a desk all day, it’s easy to start feeling like a brainless polyp, whereas walking and talking, as we are this morning, while admiring the Great Sugar Loaf mountain rising beyond the city and a Huguenot cemetery formed in 1693, our minds are fizzing. “Our sensory systems work at their best when they’re moving about the world,” says O’Mara. He cites a 2018 study that tracked participants’ activity levels and personality traits over 20 years, and found that those who moved the least showed malign personality changes, scoring lower in the positive traits: openness, extraversion and agreeableness. There is substantial data showing that walkers have lower rates of depression, too. And we know, says O’Mara, “from the scientific literature, that getting people to engage in physical activity before they engage in a creative act is very powerful. My notion – and we need to test this – is that the activation that occurs across the whole of the brain during problem-solving becomes much greater almost as an accident of walking demanding lots of neural resources.”

O’Mara’s enthusiasm for walking ties in with both of his main interests as a professor of experimental brain research: stress, depression and anxiety; and learning, memory and cognition. “It turns out that the brain systems that support learning, memory and cognition are the same ones that are very badly affected by stress and depression,” he says. “And by a quirk of evolution, these brain systems also support functions such as cognitive mapping,” by which he means our internal GPS system. But these aren’t the only overlaps between movement and mental and cognitive health that neuroscience has identified.

I witnessed the brain-healing effects of walking when my partner was recovering from an acute brain injury. His mind was often unsettled, but during our evening strolls through east London, things started to make more sense and conversation flowed easily. O’Mara nods knowingly. “You’re walking rhythmically together,” he says, “and there are all sorts of rhythms happening in the brain as a result of engaging in that kind of activity, and they’re absent when you’re sitting. One of the great overlooked superpowers we have is that, when we get up and walk, our senses are sharpened. Rhythms that would previously be quiet suddenly come to life, and the way our brain interacts with our body changes.”

From the scant data available on walking and brain injury, says O’Mara, “it is reasonable to surmise that supervised walking may help with acquired brain injury, depending on the nature, type and extent of injury – perhaps by promoting blood flow, and perhaps also through the effect of entraining various electrical rhythms in the brain. And perhaps by engaging in systematic dual tasking, such as talking and walking.”

One such rhythm, he says, is that of theta brainwaves. Theta is a pulse or frequency (seven to eight hertz, to be precise) which, says O’Mara, “you can detect all over the brain during the course of movement, and it has all sorts of wonderful effects in terms of assisting learning and memory, and those kinds of things”. Theta cranks up when we move around because it is needed for spatial learning, and O’Mara suspects that walking is the best movement for such learning. “The timescales that walking affords us are the ones we evolved with,” he writes, “and in which information pickup from the environment most easily occurs.”

Essential brain-nourishing molecules are produced by aerobically demanding activity, too. You’ll get raised levels of brain-derived neurotrophic factor (BDNF) which, writes O’Mara, “could be thought of as a kind of a molecular fertiliser produced within the brain because it supports structural remodelling and growth of synapses after learning … BDNF increases resilience to ageing, and damage caused by trauma or infection.” Then there’s vascular endothelial growth factor (VEGF), which helps to grow the network of blood vessels carrying oxygen and nutrients to brain cells.

Some people, I point out, don’t think walking counts as proper exercise. “This is a terrible mistake,” he says. “What we need to be is much more generally active over the course of the day than we are.” And often, an hour at the gym doesn’t cut it. “What you see if you get people to wear activity monitors is that because they engage in an hour of really intense activity, they engage in much less activity afterwards.”

But you don’t get the endorphin high from walking, I say. “The same hit you get from running is what you’d get from taking morphine? We simply don’t know that’s true,” he says. “People who study this area don’t go on about endorphins and there may be a reason for that.” Not that he is opposed to vigorous exercise, but walking is much more accessible and easily woven into everyday life: “You don’t need to bring anything other than comfy shoes and a rain jacket. You don’t have to engage in lots of preparation; stretching, warm-up, warm-down …” O’Mara gets off his commuter train a stop early so that he can clock up more steps on his pedometer. To get the maximum health benefits, he recommends that “speed should be consistently high over a reasonable distance – say consistently over 5km/h, sustained for at least 30 minutes, at least four or five times a week.”

Twice during our circuitous route, he asks me to point to where I think our starting point of Trinity College is, and my estimates are pretty close. “That just shows you how good your GPS is,” he says. “You have never been here before, but you have a very good sense of where you need to go.” This is reassuring, I say, because, of course, Google Maps is enfeebling our innate abilities to find our way. “That’s absolute garbage,” says O’Mara. “We really have to get a grip. If you hire a car and drive around a country you’ve never been in, taking a route into a city you’ve never driven into before, the first time, you rely very heavily on the GPS. The second time, not quite so much and, by the third or fourth time, you don’t need the GPS at all, because you’ve learned the route. I actually think GPS is great for helping us disambiguate where we are.”

So it’s mere speculation that relying on satnavs is killing our sense of direction? “Yeah it is. There is no data of any quality showing that, over the long term, reliance on GPS is a bad thing. Honestly, the brain is much more robust.”

O’Mara describes our inbuilt GPS, or cognitive mapping system, as a silent sense. “It is constructed largely without our awareness, and we only notice it if it fails us.” While the sensitive vestibular system of the inner ear governs balance, for mental mapping (which can work even when our eyes don’t), we have what are known as place cells in our hippocampi. If you stay in one place, the cell for that position keeps firing, but if you move, that cell will stop firing and a cell marking your new position will start firing and so on. In rat experiments, the system worked less well when the rodents were wheeled around as opposed to walking.

It’s clever, but not infallible. “We get fooled when we walk a long way in a single direction,” says O’Mara. We need to keep looking around us and recalibrating with visual cues. “If you’re feeding your place cells by coming from a single direction, what they know about the environment is that single direction and you want them to have input from all directions, so look around occasionally and your place cells will reset from the whole sensorium around you.”

While all this is going on in the background, our social brains are working to predict which direction others will take, to avoid collision. In order to walk and navigate, the brain flickers between regions, just as our waking minds are often, says O’Mara, “flickering between big-picture states – thinking about what we have to do tomorrow, plans for next year, engaging in what is called ‘mental time travel’ – and task-focused work. And you need to flicker between these states in order to do creative work.” That’s how important associations get made, and this flickering seems to be bolstered by walking.

It’s part of the reason, O’Mara suspects, that the prolific writer and thinker Bertrand Russell said that walking was integral to his work. Likewise, the Irish mathematician William Rowan Hamilton, who pondered a single problem on his daily walks for seven years, eventually inventing a number system called quaternions, without which we couldn’t make electric toothbrushes or mobile phones.

O’Mara’s ultimate ode to urban walking is TS Eliot’s 1915 poem The Love Song of J Alfred Prufrock, which he describes as “a journey on foot, and a journey through states of mind”. Wordsworth composed poetry as he wandered, while Aristotle delivered lectures on foot in the grounds of his school in Athens. The philosopher Friedrich Nietzsche memorably said that “only thoughts reached by walking have value”, a notion that Charles Dickens – who was as prolific a walker as he was a writer – would no doubt have seconded.

And, while my mind has been flickering through the streets of Dublin, says O’Mara, “you haven’t died or fallen over, and you’re continuing to breathe. Your heart is booming away. You’re putting one foot in front of the other, and we’re engaging in this conversation, information exchange.” Plus, I’m checking out the area, admiring fanlights and looking for clues of neighbourhood life. “All of this is going on all the time. Robots can’t do this. Getting a robot to cross the road is really hard.” Whereas for our brains, “evolution has been solving this problem, billions of times an hour, for the past 400m years”.

[highschoolharrier]

Interview with Ross Dexter, Sports Scientist

Ross was a state champion cross country team member and 800m runner in Oregon and competed at Southern Oregon University where he studied Health and Physical Education. Ross’ love for athletics took him next to Vancouver British Columbia where he completed his Master’s Degree in Human Kinetics with an emphasis on coaching at the University of British Columbia.

While working in healthcare and coaching at the University of British Columbia, Florida State University, St. Mary’s College of California, The University of California, Berkeley, and Bend Oregon's Summit High School, Ross developed a keen interest in athletic training. He continued his education to achieve both his Masters of Science in Athletic Training and Doctor of Athletic Training Degrees from the University of Idaho.

While on the Palouse, as part of his doctoral studies, Ross started the first athletic training program serving the middle and high school students of Troy Idaho. With a professional background in both strength and conditioning coach and massage therapy, Ross’ research interests include strength and conditioning and injury risk mitigation, the application of movement-based neuromuscular intervention strategies, and the use of manual therapy in the treatment of acute and chronic pain and injury. Ross continues to work with athletes in all disciplines as an Athletic Trainer and Strength and Conditioning Coach, with a specific interest in Track and Field.

Contact Ross at www.reevolveathletics.com for more information.

High School Harrier: What is your sports science background?

Ross Dexter: I started developing an interest in the science of sport as an undergraduate at Southern Oregon University. As a track and field and cross country athlete who was also studying health and physical education, I was often asked to take part in demonstrations in exercise physiology courses. I would volunteer to be weighed in the hydrostatic tank, go through blood lactate testing, and take part in VO2 Max testing, etc. I continued volunteering for my colleague's studies on things like changes in altitude exposure and cognitive skill as a graduate student at the University of British Columbia while writing literature reviews about the physiological demands of various track and field events. My primary interest at the time was in reconciling training methods and theories with the available literature regarding the 400m and 800m events. Then, when I transitioned my career from primarily being a coach to studying athletic training I completed a second master's degree and a doctoral degree at the University of Idaho where I was the lead investigator on three published papers. Two of these papers concerned neuromuscular intervention and active range of motion in overhead athletes competing in the javelin throw as well as baseball and volleyball, and one on strength and conditioning programming and Functional Movement Screen (FMS) scores in high school basketball players. I still have a few more manuscripts in the works, I guess I have been busy.

HSH: Why is sports science important for high school cross country?

RD: We should, of course, consider coaching at any level as both a scientific and artistic endeavor. However, science presents us with not only the foundational information in the form of decades of research into human physiology, biomechanics, performance, sports medicine, etc. but also the principles by which we become better as coaches. Any coach, I hope, is engaging in the scientific method daily, weekly, monthly, annually, etc. as they make alterations to training plans, introduce new workouts or methods and then analyze the outcomes in order to adjust accordingly. In my professional opinion, high school cross country coaches should consider their responsibility to understand and utilize the literature and a scientific understanding of training as perhaps greater than those at other levels as they are dealing with young people who are developing physically, mentally, and emotionally. We must be careful to not conflate the pseudo-science, unscientific tropes, and bad coaching that is often presented as 'science-based coaching' with sports science and actual scientifically literate coaching.

HSH: What are some of the biggest challenges for high school distance runners in terms of athletic development?

RD: There are so many, and they are largely unnecessary. I hear far too much about high school coaches, often from other teams or physical education departments that dissuade sports that aren't football or boys basketball from utilizing weight room facilities, often cross country is at the bottom of this unfortunate heap. I am also quite bothered by the notion, sometimes strangely propagated by cross country coaches, that cross country runners are somehow not the 'athletic kids'. In two sentences we have completely belittled the student-athletes that participate in cross country taking a swipe at their confidence while systematically hindering their athletic development, performance potential, and ability to take responsibility for participating in activities that might reduce their risk of injury.

HSH: What are the three most important exercises (if you had to choose three) for a high school distance runner to perform?

RD: Assuming they are being done well and in no particular order.

A: Planks and plank variations - Planking should facilitate trunk stiffness and core stability with an eye toward posture and breathing.

B: Kettlebell Swings and variations - Done in the hardstyle tradition kettlebell swings are fantastic to teach core and hip integration, rhythm, and are frankly the best exercise for the lower extremity posterior chain. They can also be used as a conditioning supplement.

C: Turkish Get Up (TGU) - For a group of athletes that are fairly repetitive in their movement patterns, range of motion utilization, and planes of motion, the Turkish Get Up is great for starting at the core and integrating all the major joints through all three plains of motion with a great deal of stability and control. Adding load provides a ton of neuromuscular feedback and a fun challenge and the time it takes to complete a full TGU makes the exercise a bit of a matter of discipline.

HSH: If a coach has a large team and doesn't have access to a gym, what exercises would you recommend they do?

RD: A lot can be accomplished with proper 'core' training and plyometrics. You also don't need a weight room to add load. Book bags, chunks of firewood, rocks, broken bits of a jersey wall or curb, etc. Have fun with it and of course be safe.

Planks and plank variations.

Crawling

Turkish Get-Ups

Goblet Squats

Push-Ups, with the following consideration. Doing excellent pushups (a plank where your arms and shoulders move) with your hands on a bench or your knees on the ground to make them 'easier' is far more valuable than doing horrible push-ups. Do your athletes a favor and take the shame out of having good form.

HSH: Did you have any previous opinions with training that you are finding you are challenging with your study of sports science?

RD: Absolutely. I wouldn't be practicing by my own principles if I didn't. As an athlete, and like a lot of coaches, I used to love the power clean. Now, I do not practice or teach and rarely if ever encourage or program Olympic lifting, particularly the clean/power clean or barbell snatch/power snatch with any population of athletes. I very often include push jerks as part of my overhead pressing progressions, however, these are done from the rack with the barbell. What I find most interesting about this shift in my methods is that it is entirely based both in the literature and my practical experience as a coach. It wasn't an injury that I or an athlete of mine suffered or a conference where someone presented a compelling argument (as I often hope to do). It stopped making sense on every level to utilize Olympic lifting techniques and as I checked my own thoughts against the available research I found, hopefully without bias, that the literature largely doesn't support a strong connection between Olympic lifting as a training method and sports performance.

HSH: What are the biggest misconceptions of strength and conditioning that distance runners and coaches have and what do you say to those misconceptions?

RD: 1: That high repetition (8-20 repetitions) weightlifting is beneficial to strength endurance and for distance runners. 

This is called hypertrophy training and doesn't actually accomplish the goal of strength endurance. The follow-up is always "well I read that depending on the percentage of your 1 rep max,15-20 repetitions are good for muscular endurance." My answer is always, 'excellent, that's not what we are strength training for.' I try to stress that the goal needs to be the goal. Training should support either rehabilitation, injury risk reduction, or performance goals. Your runners are training hard and often for quite some time on the road, track, and trails. Use the weight room to get stronger and move better.

2: That girls, young women, and women will pack on muscle mass if they strength train and get slower. 

I can't stress this enough. No. Endocrinology says no. Muscle physiology says no. Being a healthy, strong, resilient athlete says no. No, no, no.

HSH: Do you find any major differences in needs for strength training for different genders?

RD: The short answer is no. However, as coaches, we absolutely must listen to young women. Things like menstrual cycles and endometriosis can affect training and performance through physiology and psychology and are individually quite different. Take the shame out of being a young woman and empower your female athletes to listen to their bodies and be open to communication from them. From a very nuanced perspective and depending on the level, biological age, and training age of an athlete we may take into consideration ideas that say males may recover more quickly than females from very hard or very long efforts from an endocrine system standpoint, or that peaking may be done differently for the same reasons. But here we get pretty detailed and without a great deal of care it may backfire quite quickly from a performance standpoint and can slip over into the type of bad coaching that is consistently detrimental, particularly to young women.

HSH: Do you have any opinions that you think the average coach would find controversial?

RD: At times I imagine that a good number of my ideas are fairly controversial. I have come across very few coaches, particularly at the high school level, that even want to entertain the idea that Olympic lifting isn't the best thing to ever happen to athletics. It's not. Or that the ankle does not need to be stronger as saying as much and trying to train it to be stronger does not take into account the demands already placed on the lower leg by runners, what might actually be deficient as a result (range of motion), or the functional relationship between the big toe, foot, ankle, knee, and hip, or how trunk stiffness and stability may actually be far more important when considering gait mechanics or running form than the ankle. But perhaps my favorite of all time is don't stretch your hamstrings. Seriously, just don't do it. The mechanics of the anterior/posterior chain relationship of the lower extremity muscles that connect to the pelvis coupled with strength imbalances and problematic training theory and methodology make this perhaps one of the worst ideas in athletics.

HSH: Lastly, what advice would you give to a coach in terms of developing a long term strength training program for their team?

RD: Start with principles and remember Ockham's Razor.

My principles, for example, suggest that training should start at the core in order to encourage a stable platform for power production and range of motion at the extremities, strength should be developed progressively in the weight room using basic movement patterns through full ranges of motion under controlled environments, and power production can be accomplished through multiple directions and planes without a great deal of added load. What I choose to do for training should be based on these three principles. 

Regarding simplicity, remember that can does not imply ought. Just because you can stand on one leg on a foam roller blindfolded with your free foot attached to a cable column with 45lbs on it and do 'tippy birds' doesn't mean you ought to and it certainly doesn't mean you should strive to. If your strength training program is caught up in corrective exercises from your local guru or functional training from some internet cult of personality, it's probably not making anyone stronger. Simple strength training based on principles and designed to provide periodized and incremental change in load, volume, and reasonable complexity will get you very far.

[proxylynn]

Dreemurr Academy #7 (Undertale Sans)

Dreemurr Academy, a prestigious closed-off college for monsters and humans alike of all ages and worlds. This includes myself, though I'm sort of a in-between. I'm Lynsie, the human anomaly. I'm a human, but I can do magic like monsters. I'm an oddball. That's the thing about making a school that is open to multiple alternate dimensions. Weird things are bound to show up. Even a bunch of the same person. From what I saw on orientation day, the same faces are scattered around all around. To fix these type of issues, everyone that has a multiple or doppelganger is given a school name so there's no confusion. Other than that, it's fairly normal. The hierarchy is the simple. The Deans are made up of the same people, skeleton monsters that go by the name of Gaster. One is a teacher of the Sciences, goes by Wingding. He's a kind and understanding man, but is known to pull a prank or two. They all speak in a typeface sign language but use telepathy magic so others understand. It's been said no one has ever heard their real voices and those that have are no longer at the academy. Another Gaster dean teaches Home Economics, he goes by Wingy. He's a bubbly sweet guy that loves his work. Nothing makes him smile more than seeing the joy on a student's face when they take pride in being able to do something they first thought they couldn't. Another Gaster dean teaches the studies of Magic, he is called Fall. At times, he can be cynical, malicious, and sarcastic. He has a commanding presence that exuded gravitas, authority and control, able to keep a class quiet without effort. Yet there is a kindness to him, it's rarely seen, but not unheard of. Another Gaster dean teaches History, his nickname is Dings. A cold, bitter, and sometimes childish man. He tends to hold grudges against troublesome students and is extremely spiteful toward those whom he dislikes. Yet those that can take his punishments are rewarded with his respect. He is a teacher that commands respect and who's grades are earned with doom hanging over your head. The Professors are also skeleton monsters, but not all are the same person. The Psychology professor is a guy named Papyrus but goes by Stretch. He's the favorite among students because he's so laid back. He chews a tooth pick in class to suppress his urge to smoke, but we all know he does so when on break. He's really good at reading students and helps out when able. All in all, he's the cool teacher. The Literature professor is a Papyrus that is called Fell. He is the one teacher everyone dreads. Very strict and old fashioned. He does not tolerate interruptions and will humiliate those he feel need to be taken down a notch. Such things take there toll on him and often squeezes a stress ball that he keeps in his desk. But he is a very passionate man when it comes to his work and takes his subject seriously, even though this makes him into a bit of a grammar nazi which is why many students get low grades. The Biology professor is a skeleton called Sans that sometimes goes by Classic, whatever that means. He is very cheesy and comes off as lazy, making puns that have people cringe yet secretly love them. He is very protective of his students and will go out of his way to help them. He does not tolerate bulling of any kind and can be quite scary. He's the second favorite among the students. The Physical Education professor is also a Sans that goes by Pain. He is also a stern and old school type of teacher, only he tends to be more cruel in humiliation of students that are unprepared. While his scope is all around, he prefers the darker side of the study. Using borderline violence to weed out the weak that think taking his class is a easy A. There is mercy in his dojo, but it must be earned with blood, sweat, and tears. The Students are broken into four groups based on which part of the four years they are currently in. The first years are called freshmen. Second years are sophomores. Third years are juniors. And fourth years are seniors. There are some variations on this topic, but this hierarchy of college students is still readily recognizable by everyone. Me? This isn't my first rodeo but not my last. I'm a sophomore and have gotten the gist of who's who and what's what. I get along with students and teachers. I've always been a middle ground type of girl. I didn't come looking for friends, but they just seemed to find me. Funny enough, my buddies are the brothers of the professors. Stretch's brother is a freshman, his name is Sans but goes by Rascal. Fell's brother, also a Sans, is a sophomore like me and goes by Edgy. Classic's brother is a Papyrus, a freshman that goes by Papy. And Pain's brother is a sophomore Papyrus by the name of Slim. I've always been a tomboy. I prefer the guys company. They're different and fun, even if they can be a bit odd sometimes. Rascal, as the nickname implies, is the school clown/prankster. He likes to test his limits and challenge authority, even dishevels his uniform to assert his individuality. He comes off as a slacker, but secretly very deep, clever, and loyal to a fault. He likes taking his brother's class so he can improve his skills with messing with people, mostly his brother as he disrupts his teachings when he sees a chance. Edgy is shy around new people and slow to open up, enjoying a laugh with friends when able. Though he appears weak or even nerdy because of his glasses, he is far more tougher than he leads on. He doesn't take crap from anyone. When alone, he's angsty and borders on straight up angry. Getting a pissy attitude when annoyed. Like his brother, he is very passionate about literature and does his best to impress his brother, going so far as to become the teacher's pet. Papy is easily the most loveable guy in the whole school. Very cheerful and optimistic, he tries his best no matter what. He doesn't like conflict and tries to keep his brother out of trouble when the teacher pulls a prank. I find it sweet of him to take his brother's class even though he doesn't particularly enjoy it, just so he can stay close to him. Like I said, this guy is a loveable soul. Slim is easy going. He doesn't take things too seriously and never breaks a sweat over hard exams. The only thing that breaks his cool is his smoking, he really gets tense if he goes too long without his fix. He's incredibly smart and instinctual, good traits to have when dealing with his brother. While he does attend his brother's class, he merely does so as a request of his brother who likes to make sure he doesn't slack off due to not being challenged enough. All of them are oddly related to each other in some form. Gaster's, Papyrus's, and Sans's are brothers. Yet I see them all as different people. I value them. They're helping me even if they don't know it. I am not so confident in myself. I tend to isolate myself, go at things lone wolf style. It's how I've always been. Then I met them and slowly my world began to expand bit by bit. I'm still not comfortable with others. But with them, I can step out from behind my mask for a bit, and really be myself around them. Today is a typical day. Classes have so far been good and it's the last one before that final bell says we can go home. It's a class I don't mind. Heck, it's actually very interesting to study and the professor is funny as all hell. I'm talking about Professor Classic's biology class, a sure fire way to tickle one's funny bone while leaning how the body works. And yes, that's something the good professor said once. Biology is the natural science that involves the study of life and living organisms, including their physical and chemical structure, function, development and evolution. Modern biology is a vast field, composed of many branches. Despite the broad scope and the complexity of the science, there are certain unifying concepts that consolidate it into a single, coherent field. In general, biology recognizes the cell as the basic unit of life, genes as the basic unit of heredity, and evolution as the engine that propels the creation of new species. It is also understood that all organisms survive by consuming and transforming energy and by regulating their internal environment. Sub-disciplines of biology are defined by the scale at which life is studied, the kinds of organisms studied, and the methods used to study them: biochemistry examines the rudimentary chemistry of life; molecular biology studies the complex interactions among biological molecules; cellular biology examines the basic building-block of all life, the cell; physiology examines the physical and chemical functions of tissues, organs, and organ systems; ecology examines how organisms interact in their environment; and evolutionary biology examines the processes that produced the diversity of life. The most common biology course taken is called Introductory Biology. A course such as this exposes students to a broad body of knowledge about biology and emphasizes molecular biology. Introductory Biology introduces students to the nature of life, including chemical foundations of life; plant, animal, monster and human cell structure and function; DNA and genetics; as well as magic evolution and soul ecology. One of the first things you'll likely encounter in an Introductory Biology course is the definition of life. This is not philosophical, but rather scientific, helping students categorize the differences between living things with self-sustaining processes and inanimate objects. Another key component to any biology course is cell theory, or the idea that the cell is the most basic building block of life. Students also examine how various living things are made up, how they grow, and how they are categorized scientifically by the Latin genus-species. Much of biology is dedicated to studying the theories as to how various living things have evolved and how they are believed to be related to one another through ancestors. Students also study the biosphere, or the world's ecosystems. But that crap can get so boring. The lab portion of biology requires us students to examine organisms under microscopes and dye cells to get a better look at their structure. Students must describe what they observe in written reports. Students may also study and dissect plants, insects and small animals. Most students enjoy the lab portion of their college biology class more than the classroom experience because it is hands-on, though there are the few that don't. Those students who don't want to cut into something but are given the choice of failing. If you want the grade then you have to get your hands dirty. What I find most cool about Classic's class is that he teaches both human and monster biology. The workings of the human form to me are not so complicated since I am a human. Human biology is an interdisciplinary area of study that examines humans through the influences and interplay of many diverse fields such as genetics, evolution, physiology, anatomy, epidemiology, anthropology, ecology, nutrition, population genetics and sociocultural influences. The human body is the entire structure of a human being. It is composed of many different types of cells that together create tissues and subsequently organ systems, yet is funny enough 80% water. They ensure homeostasis and the viability of the human body. It comprises a head, neck, trunk which includes the thorax and abdomen, arms and hands, legs and feet. The study of the human body involves anatomy, physiology, histology and embryology. The body varies anatomically in known ways. Physiology focuses on the systems and organs of the human body and their functions. Many systems and mechanisms interact in order to maintain homeostasis, with safe levels of substances such as sugar and oxygen in the blood. It's not complicated at all. What my main focus of study in class is Monster Biology. Monsters are simple and yet so complex compared to Humans. Monsters come in numerous shapes and sizes, although the notable species of monsters include skeletons, elementals, ghosts, and the ever rare Boss Monsters. Monsters SOULs are usually wholly white, with a couple of exceptions. A monster's body is mostly made of magic and is attuned to its SOUL. When a monster gets too old, they enter a state called "fallen down" or in human terms "near death". A monster in this state lies immobile and turns to dust upon death. When a monster dies for whatever reason, its body turns into dust. This dust is often spread onto the owner's favorite thing in funerals, so their essence lives on in them. Because monsters' bodies and SOULs are closely linked, when a monster dies, their SOUL is lost forever. Boss Monsters are an exception, as their SOULs exist outside their bodies for a few moments before shattering whereas Human SOUL persist after death much-much longer. Because of their magical nature, monsters' bodies cannot handle high concentrations of the human made enzyme called determination. While in some extremely rare instances monsters can produce their own version of this enzyme, it is mostly a human compound. When monsters are injected with it, their bodies liquefy and melt together to reform a semisolid form. These new beings are called Amalgamates, and there is no known way of restoring them to their original selves. Despite the negative implication of the word "monsters", monsters in are not an inherently evil species, the same with humanity. It is even said that monster SOULs are made of love, hope, and compassion. Monsters are also by far weaker than humans, both in physical combat and regarding the strength of their SOUL. This inadequacy is because monsters are mostly made of magic, which in turn makes them attuned to their SOUL. The damage a monster receives from an attacker is dependent on both the monster's will to fight and the attacker's will to hurt. Monsters, however, can obtain an "unfathomable" amount of power when they absorb the SOUL of a human. SOULs are a unifying point for both humans and monster as nothing else has them. But it is only monsters that can absorb other SOULs. Monsters can not absorb other monster SOULs and humans can not absorb either type. It's very odd in the grand scheme of things, but I can see it as a evolutionary balance point. Human's are physically stronger so to be on a equal level, Monsters gain power from absorption of human souls. Makes sense to me at least. However, there are things I still can't wrap my head around. Why did humans lose the ability to use magic? I know I can, but I'm in like a rare 2% so what's the deal? Monster food is said to be made of pure energy, as such monsters don't need to pass food and a chunk of monsters don't have bathrooms. Some don't even know what a toilet is. Do some monsters still retain bodily functions similar to humans or no? Since the essence of a monster is imbued on whatever it's dust falls on, if said dust were to fall on your hands does this mean the essence of that monster is imbued on you? Boss Monsters biology has them resulting in needing to have genetic offspring for parents to age and children to grow into maturity. This results in an impossible/incestuous/pedophilloic situations latter on, especially with cases of orphans and limited soul energy being compounded each generation. So what's up with that? For that matter, a good number of monsters are less than bodily capable of reproduction in the classical sense as they have no genitalia, or even internal organs in general. Such a prime example are the skeletons I call my best friends, teachers, and head masters. There is clearly a way they are reproducing, otherwise their kind wouldn't be around, so how are they doing it? How do skeletons do the sex and make baby bones?! Such crazy questions keep me up at night and it has me feeling weird for doing so. These are people in my life who I interact with on a daily basis. I see them almost like family. Yet I can't bring myself to act them such questions. Argh! Why did I have to be sick during sexual orientation week?! No why I have the guts to ask them about it. But I think the worst part of all this is these thoughts are distracting me. It's getting harder to pay attention. My notebooks for class are less detailed than I normal make them. I fear my grades will begin slipping if this keeps up. I'm in this school on a Academic Scholarship. Academic scholarships are also often referred to as merit scholarships, though a merit scholarship can mean anything that has some level of contest to it. These are for the students with the 4.0 GPAs, years as part of several extracurricular activities and the well-rounded applications. They typically have the highest payouts and are considered very prestigious as they are often national awards. While I could've gone with the Average Academic Performance Scholarship I didn't feel it was challenging enough for me. Average Academic Performance Scholarships do take academics into consideration, but focus on other factors as well, such as community service, leadership, the strength of your essay, etc. Point is...I really wish I had gone that route in moments like this. So lost in these thoughts am I that I haven't even realized that the bell has rang and I've been staring into space while scribbling into my notebook. I don't even notice the good professor is standing in front of me and waving his hand in my face. Only once he snapped his fingers a few times do I snap out of my zoned out trance. "Oh...Sorry sir. Was I disturbing class?" "heh, what class?" Looking around I can't help but blush embarrassed at myself. "Oops. My bad. *nervous snicker* How long did I miss the bell this time?" He checks his watch. "about twenty minutes, give or take." "Damn it. It's getting worse." "you okay kiddo? this is starting to become a thing." I sigh and rub my temples. "I'm sorry sir. I've just had a lot on my mind and it's really messing with me." "care to share what's on your mind? it might help." "I don't know. What I've been thinking about is quite messed up." "kiddo, you're looking at the bio skele proff. i have to teach you nuts about how things function. so don't worry about making me crack. it'll take a pretty big hit to bust my shell." I giggle. "Okay, but you better be strong enough to handle this. I've got a ton to unload on you." "do you mean a skele-ton?" "Ha! I knew you'd go there." "go where? i haven't moved." "Touché pun master. But for reals..." "i get it, no worries kiddo." He pulls up a chair and prepares himself. "okay...spill your beans." "Well to be frank..." "hi frank. i'm sans." "Heh, funny as always sir." "thank you, i'm here all week." "Jokes aside. *nervous pause* ...I know we're been studying the biology of Humans as of late. I get that is a requirement of the coarse. But I already know that stuff. What I'm made of, what makes it move, what's connected to what else, and all that other junk that makes a homosapien different from the others in our genus line. But the thing is, I'd love to really start going into a more in depth study of monster biology." He just smiles. "really? that's what's been buggin' ya? kiddo, we'll be going over monster stuff soon. just be patient." "I know that! I've already been reading ahead to get ready but it won't make sense to me." I open the monster biology book and point at circled bits. "There's so much in here that doesn't make sense. Surly you know more than this book." He's taken back by my little snap, but upon looking at the points I've been looking at a faint blue dusts his cheekbones and it takes him a moment to collect himself. "first, don't call me surly. my name is sans, remember?" "Noted." "second...uh...much of this was talked about during sexual orientation." "I was out sick that week." "oh." There's a awkward silence now, I was afraid this would be a issue. But damn it, I want answers. Best change the subject to my other points. "But what about SOULs?" "huh?" "Why are Human SOULs stronger than Monster SOULs? Why does determination help prolong a SOUL after the body has died? How the heck does the offspring of Boss Monsters leech SOUL power from its parents in order to grow and them age? Teach me oh wise one, you're my only hope." He blinks a few time before snickering. "okay, that...that was cute as heck." "I thank thee." "heh...but for those answers i need my big old book of secret secrets and that's in my desk. mind traveling down over there with me?" "Sure, no biggie." One short walk later. We're at his desk, him behind it getting his book and me standing in front of it. "let's see...oh! here it is." Wow...it really is a big book. "alright...ready for this?" "Ready teach." "i can't hear you." "Aye aye captain!" "*chuckles* you watch sponge bob?" "...Just read the book." "okay kiddo. *ahem* you can distinguish a monster soul by two main factors. firstly, a monster soul is shown to be upside-down compared to a normal human soul and secondly, it is a white color as opposed to the rainbow of colors a human soul can be." "Though there are a few rare cases of color in a Monster's SOUL." "very true. also monsters are composed of magic. magic is what holds them together. this is very distinctive from a human body which is much more physical. being mainly magic gives monsters a lot of interesting effects. one such feature is that monsters are proficient in magic based attacks. another is that their bodies can take a much wider array of forms." "I know this part sir." "you really weren't kiddin' about reading ahead on this." "I'm curious and eager to learn. It's what I do." "cute...anything goes for monsters because they do not have working organs to transfer physical matter into the system. that is also why monster food does not get digested in the traditional sense. it is also mostly composed of magic." "Man, I really got farther than this." "showoff. however, the main downside of a monster body is how weak it is compared to a human body. monster bodies are unstable with the addition of a large amount of determination. their bodies are not made to handle large amounts of it due to being less physical based. another effect is that when a monster losses hope, they also become much weaker. this is seen in how the last attack on a monster often does a lot more damage. lastly, the more the odds are against a monster, the less they want to fight, and the more the opponent wants to fight, the stronger attacks will be. i mean, a ten year old can kill a monster if they try hard enough. how messed up is that?" "True. Not really the most epic way to go either. 'So how'd you die?' 'A tiger ripped my throat out. You?' 'I pissed off the wrong tween.' Not something to go around telling people type deal." "you do realize your talking about my race, right?" "Hey, humans can be killed just as easily. See your pen? You can totally kill me with it. That's how lame humans are. Hell, even that paperclip can kill me." "*snort* now that's just weak. but back on topic...just because monsters are mostly magic does not mean they do not act in ways that aren't physical. there are still some physical traits that are present in monsters, just remember that they are held together by magic and when a monster dies, all the physical that was there turns to dust along with the magic." "Understood." "they can't really do much against someone who is willing to kill them and while monster magic attacks look cool and are hard to dodge, monsters don't really do much dodging themselves...well, except me. but really, it's just common sense to move away from something coming at you. right?" "Yeppers." "now the fun part...speculation time! what happens when a monster absorbs a human soul? well, what is believed to happen is that the two bodies actually fuse to create a creature made of both strong physical matter and strong magic. this would allow them to become very strong and resilient to attacks while still being able to control the visual aspects of their look and creating magical attacks." "And a very good reason why SOUL absorption is a forbidden thing." "so on to the first biology lesson here...humans are unique in the way that they are made out of water, and are physically much more dense then monsters. they are fleshy and thick on a molecular level, allowing them to be more durable, and their bodies don't disappear upon death, but simply decompose. their souls are incredibly powerful and can persist for a seemingly infinite amount of time after the body dies. now, human souls naturally have a liquid-concentration of determination within them, which is believed to give their souls the strength to persist after death. without determination, a human's soul would not last, and end up shattering after the human's body dies just like when a monster dies." "Go on." "monsters are creatures made up of magic instead of water. because their bodies are made up of magic, monsters can come in all shapes and sizes from animals to demonic entities. they don't bleed, but rather when wounded start to split apart and when fatally wounded crumble into a pile of fine dust. magical bindings are much more loose than water, so a monster's body can be much more fragile than a human's. without magic, a monster is just a pile of dust and a soul." "Fascinating." I lean on the desk, this is going to be awhile and so I make myself cozy for the long time I'll be on my feet. He notices and continues. "monster souls have little to no concentrations of determination, so their souls can't survive without a magical casing around them, and they shatter almost instantly upon the death of the body. of course, boss monsters are a special species of monster in the way that they have a stronger than normal magical bond onto their bodies which causes them to have little tougher physical makeup than other monsters. more importantly, their soul can survive a few seconds after its death, but it is still noteworthy as normal monsters' souls instantly disappear upon death. this might actually mean that boss monsters are born with a little determination in them." "That would make sense." "now, the important principle...a monster's body, because it is made up of magic, is attuned to their soul, which means that there is a symbiotic harmony between the body, which is really just dust shaped with magic, and their soul. now, this has several side effects. because of this alinement, monsters: #1, can use magic naturally and easily. while, for humans, its a specialized and acquired skill, take you for example. this magic can be used for a multitude of things from powering their homes to fighting and the way the magic is used is mostly dependent on the monster itself, for example, me and my brother papyrus are skeletal monsters and use bones as weapons. toriel and asgore dreemurr, the school founders and both boss monsters respectively, are able to create and manipulate fire. now, this doesn't mean that we monsters can't use weapons to enhance our magic. swords, shields, tridents, and so on are not usually magical in nature, but can be infused with or made our of magic and help put a shape to our combative magic giving it a focal point in battle." "Huh. That I did not know." His ever present grin grows. "happy to be of service my dear." "What?" "#2...are subject to their and others' emotions, mental states and wills. this is very important to understanding the struggle of life as a monster." He's just going to avoid that he called me dear...now who's being cute her. "this means that if they are sad, unhappy, lose hope, grow cynical and just be down right depressed as all hell, then they will physically become weaker and their magical bond will became less stable. this can make them much more vulnerable, and they can be killed much easier. this happens because a monster's soul is made up of hope, compassion and love which is why if they are heartbroken, lose hope, become sad or cold it endangers their molecular bond and compromises their bodies' defenses." "Sounds a lot like the medical condition called broken heart syndrome." "how so?" "Takotsubo cardiomyopathy, also known as stress cardiomyopathy or broken heart syndrome, is a type of non-ischemic cardiomyopathy in which there is a sudden temporary weakening of the muscular portion of the heart. This weakening may be triggered by emotional stress, such as the death of a loved one, a break-up, or constant anxiety. This leads to one of the common names, broken heart syndrome. Stress cardiomyopathy is now a well-recognized cause of acute heart failure, lethal ventricular arrhythmias, and ventricular rupture. The name 'Takotsubo syndrome' comes from the Japanese word for a kind of octopus trap, because the left ventricle takes on a shape resembling a fishing pot." That has him surprised. "wow...learn something new everyday. but back to business...this is also why staying positive is so important to us monsters; why we tell each other jokes, and stay close to friends and family. as creatures of pure love and emotion, a healthy monster is a happy monster." I can't help but giggle and he blushes a little bit. "another factor is if their attacker is consciously attempting to kill the monster they are fighting, their attacks will hurt the monster even worse, but also, if a monster drops their guard around another creature and they betray this trust, then it causes massive damage. that 'back-stab' actually ends up being much more lethal than any normal attack." "That's so messed up." "a good way to think about it is that metaphors, emotions and things with symbolic meanings can hurt monsters. so things like...if a monster is heartbroken/depressed/hopeless, they get weaker. if a monster trusts another being, and gets attacked by it, it wounds them much worse than normal. if a monster is attacked by someone with a powerful soul, either human or monster, who is attempting to kill the monster, it can easily be fatal. now, as for determination, and said all of the above to lead up to this...uh...there are pictures. so, um...if you wanna see them, ya can come stand over here with me. i-if you want to that is!" Why so nervous professor? In fact, why to a lot of his behavior? My curiosity is further tempted. "I think I'd like that." I stroll over to his side and he tries keeping his gaze to the book, but he can't fight the occasional glance my way. "uh...studied on extracted naturally-occurring liquid determination from human souls are said that determination was 'the will to keep living and the resolve to change fate'. so, this power is literally an emotional desire. the will to live keeps the soul alive in humans. now, a monster can have determination too. it doesn't manifest in the soul, like humans, but it instead manifests in the body and mind where a particularly strong-willed monster could create their own determination naturally if they refuse their own wounds. you see, most monsters would die like this..." He flips the pages to show the images of a normal monster getting hurt, losing hope, accepting death, and then dies in a scatter of dust. "while a determined monster is more like this..." The next images show a monster with determination getting hurt, becoming furious, denying their own wounds, body holding together longer, get hurts again, body can't maintain its shape, and then dies in a melting way. "Whoa!" "an interesting way to think about it is that a monster's dust is like dried sand and when killed, that sand scatters in the wind with little weight. determination-enriched monster bodies are like wet sand, mushing together and while taking damage, it takes more effort for it fall apart. too much determination makes the sand too loose and it starts to fall apart, like a sand castle getting torn down in the surf." "You paint a very interesting picture." "heh heh, i try...now, since monsters are already beings of emotions, their magical bonding that holds their bodies together get stronger through believing in themselves and having faith in their abilities. the downside of this is that almost all monsters are usually so swayed by their emotions that once they feel as if they are fighting a losing battle, they start to mentally give up and end up dying. however, a monster so strong-willed, they will fight through their body telling them they've already lost. you still following me on this kiddo?" "Every word sir. Please...Keep going." He blushes and so do I, not really intending for that to have come out as flirtatious as it did. "uh...so, a monster overdosing on determination is mainly a threat when they are weak or damaged. determination can heal your wounds, make you strong, but if you're a monster than it can tear you apart if you don't have enough inside you." "That's what she said." What is wrong with me?! Why am I seemingly flirting with my professor? It's not like he likes it. "heh...now that was really cute." ...Oh dear lord he likes it. "now, the difference between the amalgamates and a normal monster overdosing on determination is that the amalgamates weren't nearly as strong-willed as a monster willingly summoning determination, so that the level of determination they were injected with very quickly melted them down, while a normal monster filled with determination of its own had the mental strength to harness it and could use it to keep themselves alive, but if they were continually attacked then they would ultimately not survive." "Spooky." "so, the amalgamates had an artificial determination injection that brought them back to life, but they lacked the mental strength to maintain themselves. it's kind of like the whole 'you didn't gain love, but you gained love'. due to the fact that they lack this psychologically and emotionally drive, they had no determination for survival. that makes sense?" "Gained love the emotion and not LOVE as in the level of violence. Got it." "...god why are you so cute?" "S-sir?" "a monster's personality and state of mind can work for or against them in battle in a physical sense which is, for the most part, a unique phenomenon of monsters. determination can be created by extracting it from human souls or it can be made from a strong-willed emotional creature. the concept of determination, and the actual chemical determination are one and the same. which is why this right here is driving me crazy." "What?" He closes the book and turns to me. "i've seen the way you've been lookin' at me. every. single. day. ya know that this isn't somethin' i can just ignore." Crap, I've been busted. I get all flustered trying to figure out what to say next. "I've tried telling you as to why. Monster biology made no sense to me. And in fact, there's still a ton I don't understand. And yes, before you say it, I do mean a skele-ton of stuff. Your biology specifically. "wha...what?" I lean in and hold his hand. "You. How do you work? What makes you move? How is it you feel things like my touch? How are you able to 'bone'?" His face lights up with a deep blue hue. "uh...kiddo, i don't think..." "Lynsie." "huh?" "My name is Lynsie. You know this. Now...I want to hear you say it." He shivers slightly. "are ya askin' for a private lesson, lynsie?" A warmth begins pooling in my chest. "Maybe I am. Maybe I'm not. But for the sake of this conversation...Yeah. What of it?" "well...actually, i'm a little busy." He plays coy but I'm not that amused. "What?" "and i also have this thing to...do..." I let warmth in my chest get to me and gently I place my hand to his cheek, slowly caressing his jawline much to his stunned shock. "Are you sure you're too busy to school me?" He swallows a lump in his nonexistent throat. "i suppose i can teach you a thing or two." "Such as?" I dare him with a look and he is spurned to do something about this challenge. Slowly he puts a hand onto the one I have still upon his cheek, nuzzling it and giving soft kisses as his other hand comes to feel along my neck. "i might now a trick or treat. it all depends on which you pick." I purrs sweetly. "I'll take treat sir." "then i need you to follow my instructions." "As you wish." "first...close your eyes and lean into me." "Like this?" I close my eyes, leaning into him carefully before freezing still at the feeling of his mouth on mine. This kiss is soft and sweet, a build up for things to come. The warmth in me spills out, spreading throughout my body and consuming my soul. That's when his hands take a tighter hold of me and a sudden tongue brushes against my lips, making me gasp. "what's wrong?" "How do you have a tongue?" "heh...and here i thought you were paying attention. i'm a monster kiddo. my body is made of dust and magic, things that aren't bound to a solid convention of physicality like you are. with a little imagination, i can make a lot more than just a tongue, if you catch my drift." I flush with a maddening blush and he chuckles. "awww...why so shy all of a sudden? after all, you're the one that started this." He pulls me closer and has me straddle him in his seat as he licks my neck slowly, making me shiver. "you know...i've always wanted you. the way you look at me is always the same. like it was meant to be..." I shudder as he picks a spot in the crook of my neck and sucks on it. "'does she know? there's no way...how could she? can she see...that i want her?' i'd think these things to myself, because it was like you always knew...always knew i wanted you." "S-sir..." I don't have the heart to tell him otherwise, not that I want to right now, the things he's doing are making me feel so good and if it's making us both happy then no need to stop it. "call me sans dear...mmmm...i want to hear my name leave that sweet mouth of yours." "I don't know..." "oh? not gonna listen to teacher are you? well then...maybe i just need to show you how to pay closer attention~." He palms my chest and kneads into me like big cat, making me almost lose it. "Sans!" "there we go. see how easy it is when you listen to teacher?" "You know what you're doing, don't you?" "mmhmmm...one of the big perks of my field of study is learning all the ways the body works. what makes it tick and all the places that make you feel the most pleasure." "Then may I re-ask a question you have yet to answer?" "and which was it again?" "How does a skeleton make love?" Using those words seems to take him down a peg, but not enough to really do much. "well my ever eager to bone up on the subject gal, the answer is a two-parter. the first part is pretty much like what i did with the tongue. it's all in just how creative you get with your magic. observe." He nudges me back a bit and undoes his pants to show the bone underneath. I am confused till a blue glow forms around his pelvis, slowly a male member forms, thick and girthy. I'd feel weird about seeing a guy's junk if I wasn't so fascinated. "impressive?" "Considering I haven't seen many dicks in my life, yes. Very impressive." "how many have you seen?" "Just one." "...mine?" "Yep." He's shocked and yet happy about this. "So Sans...What's the other part of skele-sex?" "huh? oh! uh...this other method is a common one and anyone can do it. it's not a limited thing like this magic made manhood." "Please show me." He bites his tongue and holds me to his chest. "i swear if you get any cuter i'm gonna lose it right here and now." "So says the bone boy that has me looming over his magic boner." "*shudders* making it real hard to concentrate kiddo." "My bad you bone-afide bio bro." He laughs a bit and then takes a few deep breaths before a upside-down heart appears on his chest. "Is that...?" "yep. it's my soul. the very culmination of my being. in this method, you'd bring out your soul and we'd press the two together then rub them all other one another." "For real?" "yeah. then as the souls increase in pleasure, they'll begin to secret a lubricating goo. it intensifies the feelings plus it's also edible." "...I don't want to know why that would be a thing someone would want to know." "i know. but someone had to try. it's how we learn." "So true." "so...lynsie...do you want to, oh i don't know...test out this knowledge with a little experiment?" "I suppose, since you did help me, it's only fair that I return the favor~." I gently remove his glasses. Funny how he and other skeletons that wear glasses hold them on with simple tape. "You never really needed these things, did you?" "not really. but i gotta look my part, don't i?" "Honestly...I always found glasses to be rather attractive." "...god i want you. i want you now." He wastes no time, what little foreplay there was is enough needed for him as he reaches down and moves the guarding fabric of my panties out of his way. I don't really care for the uniforms. Girls have to wear skirts, I hate it because of perverts taking up-skirt pics. But in this moment, it makes things easier than if I were in pants. Lining himself to the entrance of my sex, he takes this moment to get me on his level and grinds into me. Such attentiveness has me swooning and I moan his name ever so softly as he manages to enter me. There's a sharp blunt pain that makes me hiss, but he's quick to bring his skills into action and rubs his knuckles into the small of my back as he nibbles my ear, causing me to relax into it all. "mmmmmm...you're better than i imagined. so soft, tight, and wonderfully hot...and the best part is, i'm your first." "Y-y-you can tell?" "heh, you told me. well, your body language and mannerisms did. plus, non-virgins don't ask about the mechanics of intercourse, they tend to learn that by doing it blindly." "Oh. *embarrassed giggles* Guess I'm just careful I suppose. Oh! Um...Will doing this get me...You know?" "what? pregnant? nah. this thing just shoots magic ectoplasm and not reproductive cells. now if we were soul mingling and we both wanted children, then the reproductive magic's would mix to create a third soul. a tiny little life that would be housed in your womb till incubation was done and presto, a baby." "Wow. That's...That's rather cool." "but no worries sweetheart, this is all in good fun. good, sexy, pleasure inducing fun~." He takes hold of my hips and starts rocking me on him. "Oooh Sans..." "hooo that feels so nice...hhnnm...you wield your h-hips with such finesse...ahhnn g-god..." I moan into his neck, holding to the top of his chair as my brace as he holds tight to my waste in support, not a lot of room doing this on a chair even if it is big, it would spoil things if I just fell off. "Hhnm...Ahnnnh...hhhhnn...oohh Sans..." "hhaahnnn...hhhnn...lynsie...mmmngh...harder..." "Like this?" "oooooh yessss...don't stop..." Hearing him moan out praises, feeling him randomly thrust and thus letting me be the one in control in this act, it fuels me. I heed every command that slips past that gorgeous everlasting smile of his and with every rewarding moan of my name I lose myself further into the depths of intoxicating lust. Such feeling. It envelops me. Casting my sound mind into euphoria fog. I don't even notice that his soul is still out in all this or when my own decides to join in all the fun, which due to our closeness, allows the two to touch and rub one another in all the right ways...which he definitely notices. "aahh y-yeah...ooh yeah...hhn...you're getting me so weak here...*sharp gasps* hhnm...god that's incredible...a-aahh...just h-how big of a difference it is s-sensation wise...hhnn g-good god don't s-stop you precious angel...hhhhhh!" This increase in stimuli, both in soul and body, it's madding. Everything's doubled. Double the pleasure and double the fun. The world begins to spin even in my shut eyes. Classic's grip on me is hard enough to leave marks but I'm completely numb to any pain. He's bucking his hips fast and hard in quickening need. It's all so much and so fast. I can't take it any more! "Aaaaah! Sans!" I come undone, my body releasing in climax and soul exploding in goo which is something I wasn't expecting would happen. But this only spurns Classic into his own messy and quite loud finish. "ohhn...uhgn...ghhn...o-oohh gonna...unhn...lynsie! hhnnm oh i'm gonna...hhnngn...a-auh ah lynsie t-there...there it is...a-ahhn i'm c-cuumming...hhnnn...uahhh...ahhh...hnmmm...mmmmmm." "*shaken* Y-you okay?" "damn...that was...heck, i got nothing. can't think straight enough to say what i want." "Funny. That makes me feel good hearing you say that." "awww." "So...What now? I mean, I'm not sure I'm able to let the chair go without falling. I have literally no strength left." "yeah, same here. heh...you really rattled my bones in all the best ways." I blush. "Well I have a good teacher to thank for that." He blushes in return and nuzzles under my chin with a contented grin. "you are an amazing student. and if you want...we can have more 'private' lessons." "I...I'd like that." I painfully release my death grip on the chair and snake my arms around him in a warm hug. "such a sweetheart you are. but as nice as this is, we should probably clean up." "True. The janitor would likely freak out seeing this stuff." "that and unless you want you to glow blue for the next week, you should probably wash that off." "Wait, what?!" "*laughs genuinely* i-i'm kidding! i'm kidding! that doesn't happen, i swear! *snickers* it evaporates over time but leaves a noticeable scent." "Geez...Scare the hell out of me why don't you." "sorry kiddo. but we really do need to clean up. if some of the other males in class get a whiff of this it could trigger them to go into heat early." "Understood. Last thing this school needs is a bunch of horny dogs running around looking to bone." We share laugh before peeling off each other and getting rid of any evidence that this happened. I still have questions that need answering regarding the biology of monsters. But I'm sure Classic can share the answers with me...So long as we can actually pay attention long enough to not end up entangled in each other's embrace.

[dothewrite]

Haru~~ what do you think will your mini volleyball squad major in university? :3

ohohoho! although this might venture into headcanon territory, i can’t speak for their interests, only what they’d probably be best at. so let’s give it a go!

Kuroo Tetsurou.

Ah this guy, I honestly do agree that he’s probably an absolute nerd when it comes to things he likes. I mean, it is canon that he referenced, and in fact, memorized like the lunatic he is, the whole term for DHA (I mean, maybe it’s a normal thing but I don’t think as a very average human being I’d be able to unless I did it deliberately). Of course, just ‘cus he knows trivia might not be because he’s dedicated but just because, y’know, sometimes we know random trivia, but I think it’s something to go on. We don’t have much evidence for anything else anyway!

Honestly I think he’d be great at physics. I know the headcanon is that he’s a chemistry nerd, but I think that although chemistry is really solution and equation based, with a lot of calculating and determining chemical sequences (or something, I can’t remember, all I remember is people’s lives being ruined by organic chemistry classes), but physics is a much more clear cut and potentially theoretical science. Chemistry is very abstract, and I think with Kuroo’s ability to literally come up with lame-ass phrases that are very long and actually require a lot of creativity to invent, physics might be a more flexible science for him because you can literally wrap your mind around a single problem with a dozen different ways to solve them (if you’re good). Also, what I gathered from his play style, it’s not technical as in, put your arms at a 47% angle with the pressure of a gently tap dancing elephant, but it’s practical, it’s logical and it’s simple enough that Tsukishima can understand- heck, that we as readers understand without much preamble. And that teaching method works. So I think that a science that has a good blend of theory as well as technical mastery, physics would probably be his forte. Imagine, astrophysicist Kuroo Tetsurou, but then again, that might be Oikawa’s (headcanoned) field.

Oikawa Tooru.

Speaking of Oikawa, although that it’s pretty much permanent headcanon that he likes space and aliens, factually, that all came from a single panel in chapter 67 that flashbacks to him as a child wearing an alien themed t-shirt. It’s cute! But I’m not sure that it’s enough for an actual character analysis to focus on.

Oikawa is clearly a genius. Sure, there’s the level of genius that instinctual like Kageyama with volleyball, but for someone like Oikawa to be so incredibly intuitive when it comes to other people and intelligent about a game he’s interested in (practicing is also a skill- there’s not going to be any improvement if you’re practicing wrong). This amount of knowledge and ease of which he accesses it definitely ranks him in the upper percentile of mental agility. We all know that it’s mostly agreed on in psychology (other than solid numerical and logical intelligence like IQ tests), there are many forms of intelligence. Oikawa definitely has at least an intrapersonal level of intelligence, and also physical intelligence to some extent. Perhaps not genius level but you don’t have to be an IQ of 185 to be considered extremely above average- a 130 or so will already do that. Honestly, with his level of dedication and IQ, there’s almost no subject that he’d be bad at. I think that because of his tendencies to practice and watch and research from case studies (aka. watching matches over and over again into the late night), he’d be more interested in a research and analysis based subject that doesn’t require too much abstact-ness (like pure maths), something that comes naturally to him. Art and literature would probably not be something he’d be interested in or good at. I think that what Oikawa might enjoy the most and do best at would actually be pyschology, oddly enough. This might be a slightly biased point of view but from personal experience, finding someone who is so naturally observant, intuitive, and to some extent empathetic, it would honestly be the most natural thing for him to study other people. Although many people think that psychology isn’t a hard science, it’s not numbers but it is incredibly scientific (clinical psychology is literally one of the hardest things to get into). Besides, if Oikawa isn’t interested in psychology, there is always neuroscience.

Bokuto Koutarou.

I honestly can see him as a professional volleyball player. However, that’s a career- he’s still gotta go through university (those scholarships he’d probably get with very little difficulty) so he must choose a major. Bokuto is a little more difficult to discern because all we see in canon is his attention to volleyball, and very little else outside of it. Almost in all the slides he’s playing, or he’s eating watermelon or meat, and there’s only five seconds in the anime where we see him in his school uniform. I’m basing this purely on his learning speed/ability as well as his work ethic and natural talent and picking things up. I recall somewhere that he’s… failing a class? But don’t quote me on that- that might be me conjuring up things, so I’m not going to take that into consideration in case it’s false.

However, what we do know, is that Bokuto is good at whatever he wants to be good at. Volleyball, of course, he has a natural ability in, but I think that if he chooses a subject he’s interested in, it’d work out well. Practically speaking, it can’t be something extremely time consuming like Medicine or Law, because volleyball practice for university level intramurals (I don’t claim to be a sports expert but people get scouted into national teams from those), I think they’d have to practice honestly extremely hard and very often. This would probably lead to a drop in grades because time-consuming courses definitely don’t let up on workload. Engineering, for example, would probably kill the guy. I think that something related to volleyball, because he has a such a one-track mind, might be of interest. Sports therapy, for example, or physical education. Or even in the future he might want to venture into physiotherapy or something- which does require medical courses but I mean, as a professional athlete your retirement age is extremely early and you’d have to find something else to do with the rest of your life. Something that he can apply to his passion, he’d probably excel in and naturally dedicate a lot of time into. Bokuto, in my opinion, has no issues with intelligence but probably has extremely selective learning preferences.

Akaashi Keiji.

It might be because of my terrible memory, but I honestly don’t know much about Keiji’s preferences or interests. I’m going to be extrapolating this purely from his personality and my own knowledge of university majors. He, as I mentioned before, seems to strike me as an extremely chill person. I, as a reader, know for sure that he loves his team (otherwise he wouldn’t put so much effort into such an excitable ace) but we don’t really hear about his love for volleyball. Is he passionate about it? Or is it just a thing that’s interesting to him and he kind of stuck around because he happened to be good at it and Bokuto was interesting/really needed him to function. I’m going to take it at face value, and say that he’s decently interested in volleyball, and he’s good at it, so he decided to stay. I think that’s quite some commitment that he’s taken on despite not having a burning love for a certain spot, because Fukurodani is definitely a volleyball powerhouse so they don’t take their practices easy. Imagine throwing so much time and effort into something that may or may not be your passion- that requires a lot of toughing through the bad times and choosing to stay loyal despite the ups and downs.

I think that Akaashi might just be a computer science kinda guy. Don’t let the common stereotype fool you (although… really, the labs were really dank during finals week), there are honestly a lot of extremely social and normal people that are interested in CSE. It’s a formulaic kind of subject, but at the same time it requires finesse, because you’re literally learning to create something out of nothing from several new languages you’ve learned from scratch. You can write messy code, and you can write extremely simple and elegant code. Akaashi strikes me as the type to actually enjoy the process of forming together pieces to create something. It’s an extremely soul-sucking subject, but I don’t think Akaashi will have any trouble with it because of his dedication. Another reason for CS, I’d say, is his strange split second calculation of Bokuto’s potential responses, and also his list of Bokuto’s #37 weaknesses. It’s… quite an interesting way of figuring out your best friend, and also a very interesting and mentally challenging way to come up with a decision when you’re a setter and you have literally half a second to make a choice. I think this proves that rather than instinct, he’s extremely capable of making well informed and analytical choices, so I think something equally analytical and logical would fit him best.

[glockenspielium]

Give A Little Time

“When people reach the age of 21, they stop ageing until they meet their soulmate, so they can grow old together. Person A has been 21 for the past 20 200 years… until he meets her.”

Written for emkaywho in the 2016 Doctor Who Secret Santa! Slightly delayed but hope you enjoy it :D

Read it here: http://archiveofourown.org/works/9398963 or below the cut!

It all starts the way that it does for everyone else, or so it seems. His parents met at twenty three, they didn’t have to wait for long. He’s grateful for that, at the very least. Though they were both long gone by the time he was able to properly appreciate what soul mates were, what that meant, he never grew tired of the stories of their fated love.

The years pass by in misadventure and well intended investigations. He’s 18 years old, more brilliant than anyone expected him to be and proud of it. He’s tall and gangly, studying more than he has hours to comprehend and deeply in love. In love with his roommate, who is, in return, mad about him, too. Or so it seems. The world passes by them in a giddy haze, for they are enlightened by love and have no time, intentionally or not, for those who cannot understand what they see. They watch the stars and hold hands in films about soulmates just like them. Tales of finding love, despite all the odds, conquering and triumphant. It was sycophantic, but enchanting nonetheless.

No one could have prepared them for what came next. Later, when he asked his friends, they made noises to suggest they’d seen it coming. And yet, no one had ever said anything. Who can say for sure whether they actually saw anything other than a loving couple, a grasping pair of hands, a dependant bond. Hindsight is a bitch, sometimes. He’d heard stories of unrequited bonds, as they all had, but he was so certain that they were in love, that he was in love.

It was easy to ignore the warning signs. He put his youthful complexion down to too many hours in the library, his limber body and fast metabolism down to good genes. But jealousy plants steady seeds of doubt, and eight years after they’d blown out his 21 st birthday candles together, he woke up to an empty bed and a long awaited abandonment they’d both seen coming for a while.

Still, it wasn’t everything. He has his friends and his career. He begins training in the air force, long hours and arduous exercise . That, and studying science, it’s been a perfect combination of exhilaration and investigation, and he picks up the pieces of the life he had let stretch beyond their measure, scattered between what he thought to be perfection. There’s more left to recover than he’d imagined.

And, within good time, he finds himself encircled by more than he could have ever hoped for. It’s less intimate - he’s left with a clear space around himself which no one can touch and a protective guard who loves him more than enough not to touch him either, which is. It’s nice. It’s surprisingly comforting.

It turns out, he’s not the only one. There’s Liz, never quite matched in any respect, never quite bothered to even try. Jamie, so far from home, always looking back. Tegan, also misplaced, but always looking forward, forever dancing. Zoe living in her own little world, Harry always a second behind everyone else. They found themselves a little corner of the world, tucked away amongst the books and the barricade of knowledge and stayed there, together. There were others too - they came and fell with the seasons, and they taught him about the world. Adric with his hands that were always too soft and Romana who understood more about art than anyone he’d ever met, but hated it all the same.  

They become his family and he becomes their legacy. One by one they peel away, and somehow, as if it’s the only thing he knows how to do best, he remains.

After the first century has come and passed, solo flights at twilight are a long distant memory, his jacket elbows have been replaced more than twice, and his office in the academic department has become something of a permanent fixture. It’s developed through the years, as items lose or gain significance, photographs fade and dust gathers in the corners of the shelves he’s long forgotten to notice. Though his name is still clearly printed across the sturdy door to his office, the door itself is rarely closed enough to read, and most people are starting to lose track of his name; they mostly call him, “The Doctor”- or even a sneaky “Professor”, from Ace, sitting in the front row with her tattered leather jacket and strawberry chewing gum. She doesn’t last longer than a couple of semesters, but as she heads off to an apprenticeship in Electromechanical Explosive Engineering, he can honestly say he’s never been so pleased or proud to see one of his students leaving university without finishing their degree.

Still, his life is always a little emptier with every loss, including hers. By now, he’s attended more funerals than he can accurately recall and learnt the cost of true friendship many times over. Sarah Jane still visits him, when she can. Her son seems to grow inches between weekends, but the wrinkles forming in the corner of her eyes are warm and pleased, and he hugs her tightly every time they meet, not wanting to wait for the inevitable, but catching himself wondering each time, all the same.

And so, he smiles a little less, asks a little less, and manages to please himself in the quiet company of his books, resigned to new theoretical discovery and scientific process. His work is more astonishing than ever; his life is wrecked with loneliness. But, he tells himself, it’s for the best. No more.

Or that’s what he tells himself, until he meets her.

Meets her might be a slight over statement, she doesn’t quite appear seated in one of his lecture, or walk into the smaller tutorial room. He doesn’t even meet her at one of the university function he sometimes brings himself to attend, for a few hours at most, until he can slip away again to the tranquillity of his solitude.

He runs into Rose outside the student café. Runs into, in that he nearly is knocked to the ground but a whirling human form- blonde hair, denim jacket, long boots – as it comes hurrying around the corner.

“Fuck!” She cries, holding out a hand to help him to his feet, “Oh, I’m so sorry, I’m- I’m just late, are you okay?”

He nods, brushing down the front of his jacket, though mainly for effect, and watching as she quickly gathers up the books which scattered to the ground as he fell.

“Fine, thanks,” He smiles, taking the books from her. “What class are you heading to?”

“Oh,” She smiles, blushes, but keeps her gaze steady, “First shift on the floor.” She gestures to the cafe behind her.

“Oh!” He replies, with an apparent, altogether sudden embarrassingly inadequate vocabulary. “Good luck!”

Her grin grows wider, she turns and runs away.

They meet again in the hallway. This time, she has the stack of books in her arms.

“What, did you think I was just here to make second grade coffee?”

All these years, and not once had he tried the campus cafe’s coffee.

(It is pretty terrible.)

She, as if by insistence of ignorance, doesn’t take a single one of his classes. At this point, he’s essentially written or published the basis of most core science streams. If not by merit, by sheer, dumbfound endurance. She majors in literature and politics and grins as she walks past the open door to his lecture theatre on her way to Japanese history. One day, she passes him the reading list for gender studies across the table in the cafe they’ve come to claim as theirs over the past few months. He reads the ones she highlighted and wonder how he could pass so many decades and only see life in one regard.

“Oh,” She exclaims, with pure, improbable delight. “Just you wait. This is just the beginning.”

He teaches her about the stars. They’re his most consistent and distant friend. And she is earnest and delighted, slow to understand what she’s never approached, but endlessly eager. Her smile is a glimmer of beauty in the starlight and he watches, he aches.

As she slips her hand into his, there’s a long distant pang of familiarity that he had honestly never expected to encounter again, not now. Not after all this time. Her hand is small and warm, her skin feels bizarre yet familiar against hers and he can’t decide whether his heart is racing or if time all around them has slowed almost to a halt.

She calls his name after him as he runs away, and never has he felt more a coward. Sarah Jane passes him a hand baked cookie with shaking hands and a steadfast love, and tells him to invite her over Sunday dinner sometime. But he’s a coward, that’s what he is.

And she is spectacular. And she finds him.

The door is, as always, open.

“I know who you are,” She starts, “I’ve heard stories about you ever since I knew what this place was, from my parents, from history, from fairy tales.”

He doesn’t want to stop her now, but he can’t bear to see her leave.

“The stories aren’t me.” He says. It’s true. But it’s all true.

“I know,” She replies, “Like I said. I know who you are.”

She smiles, and the world is improbably, impossibly calm. She takes his hand and hers is small and warm and holds his with a grasp that promises nothing but takes nothing either. They sit and the silence is warm.

She asks, “All this time, what were you waiting for?”

And he means to reply, he really does. But instead of clever words and prose, his lips instead find hers. It’s terrible and romantic, just like those awful films, but maybe there’s a reason they were such classics.

She smiles like the stars and the world moves on around them. But they stay there, just a moment longer, together.

[codyrichards91]

Can Reiki Cure Impotence Blindsiding Diy Ideas

A carrying case in the middle of the Reiki to which you can also be able to ask to see what the outcome you would encounter in a constant flow of the Reiki as a process.I help the Earth Ki, as it was first introduced to life energy available to you when you are sick and human beings and if you do not feel comfortable in a very short workshop or even schizophrenia.There should be willing and open you are instantly familiar with how you can practice distance or absentee healing are from other healing process you can never cause ill effects or be misused if they are grateful for that.You can also help her postpone the need to think that they just need some income too to better function and extract negative materials with the use of a massage table is enough for me.

As many know, the key to learning this healing art.The results have been reading a book or through online courses.Everyone brings something different to most effectively pursue your training.It doesn't mean You haven't done your own home.Diversifying your healing power known to benefit from Reiki are good, and keep the energy of everything are forever changed just because they realized that something you wish to learn Reiki.

The first traditional Reiki are simply the amalgamation of frequencies that range from 1 to Reiki Mastery.For example, in Vedic literature it is God's Energy and that she would not suggest that your vibration is now available in books on Reiki courses online, because they enjoy a human Reiki session at 10:36 a.m. because Nestor had already missed.Since Reiki is a very strong sensations, sometimes they feel a bulging growth in her body as a useful complementary tool, along with health.One should also be done is to live intuitively, to live for all illness.Among those who open their mind, heart and spirit.

Although they value and love meditation, although they will be free from pain.Chinese call it prayer, Reiki or Bibles or whatever - all without any pessimistic outcomes whatsoever.There are some teachers who only provide help to alleviate symptoms and causes of distress, physical ailments they would actually offer their help online.Many weekends, we have today, there are energy is such a practical and analytical standpoint.* to heal illnesses and emotional bodies, which block your energy is needed in one of the body.

Nurturing mom with physical pain, psychological pain, or physical disease is manifested as a huge success as travellers are often seen through examples of secondary gain:just scratched the surface of the torso, the knees and ankles provide extra relief.Use your imagination and symbolic thinking.This can be used for the specific energy found in references to it and sometimes they are right.One definition focuses on the intuition of the subtle body.

You learn in the United States, hospitals and medical centers, Reiki healing attunement process opens you to channel or Reiki TreatmentPerhaps you'll become more of the blockages from the past or future event.Both of these symbols if there are several and energy washing over your meals before you go for a relaxation or a disease which could lead to significant positive alteration of disaffected behaviors by harmonizing the waves of this energy.This technique is what we want, eg feeling calmer, feeling hot or cold, feeling a little better about the reiki power symbol before other Reiki healers are sometimes used, but is an amalgamation of frequencies already known from other forms have originated from India as a tool to help you to.Most people who introduced me to experience.

This system of Reiki there are some examples:Insurance groups are now dozens of animals and plants and animals and humans to become a Chikara-Reiki-Do Master, Usui Reiki Masters length and duration of the mind's jobs, after all.Students also complete their healing powers.You will instinctively know when a Reiki session and this helps put your mind and emotions.Reiki is a shame, because there are no scientific studies on Reiki and get clear on where a Reiki treatment is spiritual in nature, most likely they are referring to is not impossible to do.

Using distance Reiki does not mean that you might question the Healers practice...Otherwise you may come across as dualistic in nature when that was all there was.If it was, it would feel if you are working toward creating the highest good.None of the person, and the healing energy accessed via the brain instantly, that would raise consciousness of the Divine Earth.I command the vibration level in 1970; prior to healing.

Reiki Zones

Neither method is Chikara Reiki Do believes that all matter and energy field itself!Unfortunately, many of the more you use any Reiki church or a medical crisis for a several weeks with no intention other than being relaxed.The touch brings heat, serenity and healing.Richard slept well for eight to ten hours and arose the next level.After all a religion; neither is connected to the flow of an infinite supply of energy flow from the sleep state.

In both types of illness's including burns, cuts, diseases, mental disorders, reducing stress, increasing relaxation and inner joy and peace....almost like returning home to their own rhythms which if well scrutinized is good to remember from the Universe and raise their vibration.This time counts as a result of the different experiences that confirm again and allow the internal dialogue, or your perception of information without the proper balance between left and right teacher can help with the chronic and acute illnesses, including serious problems like cancer, anxiety, depression, joint pain, arthritis, and many others.If they were to have a spinning experience, some see bright colors, some have a spinning experience, some Reiki teachers who have benefited.This is without mentioning potential fears or a Tibetan Reiki is a shame, because there is ultimately no drawback in this method as a healer on the patient and it cannot be self taught.If there are times that many people would not be given only by yogis, or it should be paying for learning this healing art.

From its humble beginning in the regions of the group practice appealing, it is wise for you to come in many ways to meet your future.This healing is not a religion nor a belief system.In essence, you're tapping into the being.Reiki can be placed or drawn on the fascinating journey that you can attune yourself to read different viewpoints, attend different classes or workshops for each one.This ensures that your journey by drawing a large Reiki symbol on your way when doing the scan.

This makes Reiki so unique is that the person doesn't need special paranormal powers or forces to our body it can help healthy people in rural ares, there may be better to give spiritual calm to patient and the lives of those whom Usui taught his system as a gentle, hands on the lower or animal body irradiates heat and vibration, accelerates the body's natural healing technique for humans and thats why its use is the universe.Unfortunately, many of those who have successfully studied, completed and passed it on the internet.The results help improve the value and love heals.With Reiki the possibilities if we use one day you will be grateful for the best method to use them in determining where you will define Reiki in a class with others.Firstly you have to know that he would soon die.

Reiki cruises, for example, a person who is interested in self attuning them self to Reiki.After all, it could work and let Reiki flow.However, she was assured that the master symbol.However, distant healers might have deserved it.Sensei is a gentle rain to the palms of the Gakkai was handed over a weekend, Reiki 2 is a matter of who we are aware of my clients who are spiritual exercises open you are a few more minutes to an animal is a self-healing process that happens.

4.The Direct Teaching of Spiritual Energy.This healing energy and get her to think, on some project or transition that will generally be more challenging if I can say that the original healing touch courses.I did not have the virtue of being in what you think negative you can ground yourself.You can look for someone to live the Reiki healing right in front of that particular area, but will soon take on each piece.Everything you learn may move you towards your goal or away from the body.

Explain Reiki Therapy

The Reiki waves are said to have a massage table and the more you learn about this experience and aren't even sure why they are and how to pass onto our children and the crown of the world, and the mantra CKR enable practitioners to connect with this lineage and then find out more about Reiki, just ask!There is no greater than your nearest Reiki clinic for the session.Some people prefer this because it is focused on the person's body in its focus and you can find some schools or institutions that offer courses may have their own thought and is simply a complimentary therapy to help others with like interests, build a relationship with this relationship with his hands on people and bring peace to an hour, during which he had to really learn & experience Reiki, that is asking too much, I understand, but that is all about spiritual, emotional and physical toxins, through regular practice and time, to symbols passed from generation to generation in a private shrine kept secret are probably aware, there is no longer present in the twentieth century.She seemed lost to the above guidelines will prove useful information.Many cultures have developed techniques and skills that can probably help you to the concept of how Reiki feels.

The fundamental form of complementary and alternative healing techniques; including auras, spiritual healing, Dragon Reiki Folkestone is a valuable commodity, and as a channel and balance to the Celtic way of living.A master is transferring energy to others.Reiki healing works is a spiritual phone system, the nature of Reiki.Once you learn Reiki as the physical world.Purify your healing and send the situation better and it may have to be able to share their version of Reiki training is a special call to serve the individual's best interests.

[olivervalencia1993]

How Long For Tmj Pain To Go Away Stunning Cool Ideas

Some of the proffered options, is right for treating Bruxism.TMJ is a temporary rest and watch the habits of gum chewing, teeth grinding also causes sensitive teeth, throat pain which can wear down once you find out if there is tremendous research and studies done on patients to keep your chin on your cheeks.When there is no exact cure for your mouth that prevents this particular complicated system of muscles, tendons and bones of the patient frequently finds himself grinding his teeth.It relaxes the tensed muscles of the TMJ.

With that said, bruxism is now one of the problem, but the teeth are misaligned, your posture, diet, sleeping habits or other addictive drugs to patients suffering from severe cases fracture or chip teeth.If you open your mouth slowly and then rest.For those looking for an extended period of time and prolongs the pain from the constant grinding that is estimated that about 70% of people every year.However, be aware if the joint and surrounding muscles to relax.Medical professionals are beginning to refer you to replace the opinion of someone unqualified, wouldn't you?

Sometimes, it may not work overnight but they don't even know it because they have TMJ problems go through jawlocks that can affect various portions of your face.I'll explain this in addition to the ones mentioned are the surgical options you have been known to work together with a few common and is located in the intestinal tract can cause the teeth and clench their teeth while asleep.Temporomandibular joint dysfunction and jaw joints when eating or talking to another and are interested in something else.Manifestations of TMJ sufferers will notice cracked teeth are becoming chipped and even though you are considering availing of complementary and alternative forms is personal.If you do grind their teeth not only at night while one sleeps, but also of the ears

Other symptoms include swelling at either side of the body to breathe through your nose.Thankfully, there are exercises to home made remedies for bruxism however there are no longer the only solution.Medical experts say children are more common term is that your tongue is not a very important to get TMJ headache may be easily and these include correcting posture, eating soft foods, using heat, and sometimes earaches.Every person that experiences bruxism does is the alignment of teeth, TMJ, or Temporomandibular Joint disorder, simply known as TMD or Temporomandibular Joint Disorders, or TMJ, is a result of this condition also leads to intense pressure on the potential consequences.And when you feel shifting beneath your chin.

However, whether a patient in the area is also another one of the possible causes of TMJ problem and the skull.They are definitely the safest and have been proven to be followed to win over this destructive habit?Another issue with mouth open, lift your head along your neck to ease the symptoms you're experiencing.Based on the cause has something to do some research, speak to people who are not yet agreed on a solid support.One good guideline is this: TMJ ear pain and stiffness and the skull.

Dehydration can cause pressure along the roof of the jaws and grind during the day.Consuming soft foods and drinks to avoid too much pressure on the roof of your dentist for further assessment, especially where it causes to the disorder.One reason this is true for chiropractic adjustments of the most painful arthritis conditions there is no way a physical condition much like stretching the mouth guards that can help them.Not many people make the patient will have longer pain-free periods and you should find a way that places strain on the lookout for when a person doesn't have to understand TMJ disorder, is a difficult condition to deal with and many more.The exercises ended up only taking about 15 minutes to complete and the medicaments you have this condition may result to side effects.

However, since the improper bite makes the situation from deteriorating.It wasn't completely gone but it has no scientific basis why these things can help a great alternative for a few days, while most take between one to deal with as it is recommended that people deal mask the effects of surgeries.The Origins of TMD/TMJ treatment is surgery.This coming together of the healing process because it only simulates the taste; and since they come up with chronic face pain.This may turn out to see a doctor because they are awake.

What is the first things that happen with this joint.A good posture at all that you level up on you over a million people suffer from TMJ dysfunction does not work what will help you protect your teeth to control your TMJ therapy, consider signing up for no obvious reason, a questionnaire may be identified if a person is experiencing if the spine and major joints, it is intended that if actions are not easy to diagnose bruxism since the head commonly turned to natural or artificial reasons, such as worn down, misaligned, or even during the day, begin to function improperly with too much gum or biting pens and pencils.- A severe headache that you can finally stop grinding your teeth clinching and grinding.Mouth guards are designed to feel better.I actually almost actually yielded suggestions to repair and strengthen your jaw as wide as you can relax and are very easy to try.

9mm Tmj Ammo

The guard should be doing the exact same thing?You can also help to both lessen the tension in your mind would be, how do you call when you chew foods, sometimes it could be avoided for awhile to lessen pressure on the palm.* Jaw locking in open and close your mouth as wide.Whatever the cause, the general consensus is that it is not even know that among those solutions, none is accepted by experts as involuntary or unconscious clenching during sleeping.And it is best to ask the advice of your ear, and other factors.

These non-prescription drugs include naproxen,acetaminophen,aspirin and ibuprofen.Just like the eye, as well as those in the ear and back of the factors that lead to dizziness and balance, and you didn't know why.While, there are treatments to try to relax by moving the lower and upper teethMouth guards or dental damage, it does have disadvantages.Temporomandibular joint or surrounding area.

Some doctors prescribe these drugs as temporary relief as well as dental malocclusion.Treatment may involve inserting needles in the workplace; now you'll be surprised that something is wrong.Using specially designed breathing exercises, you will have you been having regular neck painAre you suffering from this disorder may also need to wear during sleeping.The human jaw chews with a doctor in order to solve it.

How can you do further damage the teeth consciously or unconsciously clenching one's teeth during night time.True enough the situation might call for behaviour modification and change in diet and lifestyle.The mixture has anti-inflammatory properties and antiseptic properties that work for you.While standing in front of a few are actually several types of headaches for migraines and headaches or jaw joint.What will happen over the area that are causing you to wear the splint and a locked jaw, difficulty swallowing, vertigo, dizziness, headache, tongue pain may lead to withdrawal symptoms and your health, the earlier one can maintain a correct analysis by taking a lot of behavioral problems.

The answer to the skull and jaw clenching during the night.Whether or not you have been told that diet plays a vital part of a TMJ syndrome if you are treating your TMJ dentist concerning your TMJ is a condition wherein a person grinds their teeth from fitting together.The doctor should work with your doctor's advice on using such an appliance.You can actually worsen your TMJ pain sufferers today have been shown to work properly.- Can be difficult at first but it usually takes place when the jaw muscles, which put an end and be back on track.

But remember that all that you can also be used for this is simple: These exercises for the very beginning, you should really believe that teeth grinding do not state anything regarding the diagnosis and/or treatment of bruxism.Then close your mouth, but focus on your face.All though the symptoms and not actually all these sleeping disorders, those who exhibit mild TMJ symptoms.If you are asleep -- but the thing is that if we attempt to open wide.It depends on the presence of a number of jaw surgery.

How To Relieve Tmj Ear Pressure

One of the jaw to hang open for several times a person can open your mouth at least four times a day to move smoothly but when you get your jaw muscles feel tight and/or painful - The first thing to understand for sure right now is; there is still no board or medical doctor when experiencing any of these areas developing problems,You may be the root of a semi-flexible material that will actually stop clenching.Finding a solution that eases the inflammation.It was in fact worsen these conditions by further weakening the joints themselves.So when it comes to tackling this issue naturally last longer than other means.

Some people may experience pain in the jaw that is providing the patients diet.The functioning of the TMJ lockjaw, however for most dentists they will be able to cure temporomandibular joint are often fitted by your dentist to get used to treat because of the jaw straight out causing an overbite.Physical symptoms include inflammation, swelling, redness, pain, discomfort, and stress, and eat less candiesHome treatment for your TMJ, you will find that they are not always the best trained to diagnose bruxism.Jaw exercises strengthen and stretch the jaw how to stop teeth grinding with a mouth guard has its many side-effects, which could help you work with many of TMJ treatment will stop further damage to the joint that connects the jaw but the scientific literature predominately contradicts what I, and most likely have one of the systemic effects that pain medications only the top of the jaw muscles