#and infinite number of them presumably

[airconditioningbob]

Discord really went from 32 unicode characters + 9999 discriminators (32,000 printable unicode so 32,000^32x9999 = actually incalculable on a lot of calculators, essentially infinite) to presumably 32 english alphabet characters, periods and underscores

And at the same time alienated anyone and everyone who doesn't speak a language using a latin alphabet (most languages) - and languages that don't use the english character set (basically all of them) - made stalking easier, removed individuality, and destroyed their actually revolutionary username behavior

...to look like twitter.

EDIT: as pointed out, it would be 32,000^32 (32 characters, 32,000 variations) rather than 32,000 characters with 32 variations. that number is still incalculable by a lot of calculators, but it's a significant difference! here's the actual count (as it's thousands of zeroes less)

146,135,548,716,716,982,791,186,446,423,301,139,135,396,694,972,170,240,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,00,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000

[britcision]

Hey by the way Kabru spoilers time

Cuz I just noticed something about his explanation of the dungeon’s growth

He’s fucking wrong

He’s completely fucking wrong about all of it

It’s so logical, it sounds so sensible, it’s such a clear chain of cause and effect… but because he doesn’t know about the demon, he’s completely wrong about how any of it works

Kabru’s Theory of Dungeon Maturation:

1) dungeon is found

2) adventurers go into dungeon and find treasures

3) treasures run out (shitty people ensue?)

4) adventurers leave

5) monsters breeding in the dungeon overwhelm the surface

However, from the Canaries, who are demonstrably shown to have far greater knowledge of the dungeons and the demons (fucksake Milsiril you shoulda told the boy), we have this:

Here we see the explicit gaps in Kabru’s knowledge

1) people find the dungeon (yup)

2) people find something valuable in the dungeon, adventurers ensue (pretty much)

3) less treasure on the upper levels leads to less adventurers (yup and here’s the major change)

4) new layout, MORE treasure on upper levels and subsequent increase in adventurers, supplied by demon, also bigger and better monsters (has no reasonable explanation outside of demon funding, no wonder he didn’t get it)

5) monsters overpopulate and break out to the surface; presumably as part of the demon’s overall world domination plan

More people in the dungeon does feed the demon and the dungeon itself, but not in the way Kabru expects; it’s the desires of those people that make the difference, not the people’s presence or energy

Emptying the dungeon won’t fully starve it, especially not with groups already on the lower layers ready to take over, but it is actually very effective for what the Canaries want - the big crowd attracts the dungeon lord’s attention, Kabru trying to empty it brings those selfish desires to the forefront, and less civilians in the way is always helpful (once they’ve served their purpose)

He’s so fucking close, and his explanation makes so much sense, but that one key missing piece about the demon (and the renewed treasure) means that his own efforts to prevent level 5… are meaningless

Killing the people who take advantage of others isn’t going to change that the dungeon will lure people deeper, feed on them, and then overwhelm any defences

The monsters don’t spill out because there’s a number of adventurers that needs to be maintained to keep them under control; they’re not breeding naturally, they’re coming from an infinite Monster Tap the demon pulls whenever it wants to

All Kabru is doing by trying to keep the number of adventurers up is actually feeding the dungeon more and more of their desires; now, it’s not like he has a consistent plan to do this, but since it’s his motive for murder it’s pretty funny that he’s so wrong

And that his firm and devoted desire to rid the world of monsters would make him extra delicious to the demon

His whole overarching purpose is to understand the dungeons so that they can prevent more of them from being created, to get the answers that the elves and dwarves and gnomes aren’t sharing…

And that being underpinned by having one single key piece of information knock his whole strategy off course is just. Chef’s kiss

He’s really lucky Laios had a big ol’ Protagonist sticker slapped across his titties and a far more complex and nuanced set of desires which monopolized the demon’s attention

[gaylordscooter]

Say Goodbye to Your Name

Ever since the twins fought, the guardian of negativity made it his goal to ruin the balance. He didn't care which way it went at first, but he was feeling awfully sluggish recently as it tipped in favor of positivity. 

His brother was giving it his all to make everyone happy. Everyone but him.

He was always like that.

Figures that they would be programmed to feel the need to keep the balance, but he had a thought: if he powered himself using only a few people, how would that affect the balance?

He's noticed how proximity affects their energy. Being physically near someone who’s feeling happy or sad affects him more than the infinite multiverse does. He presumed proximity gives them easier access, therefore more energy.

Still, one person wouldn't be enough to fulfill the quota. Besides, one person could only give so much negativity before running out, and it would be hard to give them a break without companionship. Maybe if he got multiple that disliked each other he wouldn't even need to do anything.

Three sounded like a good number. It was odd and meant they couldn't split up into pairs. Pairs would be annoying to keep track of. He would want them all to stick together when he puts them through…

Put them through what? Torture? Torment?

Nightmares.

Now that was a nice word. He remembered his brother explaining to him what those were after helping people get over a particularly bad one.

He didn't know that he was the one that caused them.

It wasn't out of malice, he was keeping the balance like he wanted him to. Like the multiverse wanted him to.

Besides, without a nightmare every once in a while, they wouldn't be able to fully appreciate good dreams.

But of course, even when he was doing his job, he was doing something wrong.

As for which people to power himself with…He already had a vague idea.

There were three prominent sources of negativity coming from different universes. Not once have they faltered even with all of his brother’s meddling.

They’d need a place to stay. A big building where all of them can live. Perhaps a mansion or castle.

As for where it would be located, he already stayed in a pocket of the Antivoid which was far away from Error’s.

With a wave of the hand he created a forest and a castle. It was more of an illusion than an actual building, but when it felt and looked like a building, what difference did it make if it wasn't “real”?

And now for actually rounding them up.

Something New was the first universe he went to. He wasn't sure how the naming schemes of the universes worked, he assumed that the Ink guy was the one naming them all, maybe for categorizing.

The world was empty save for one lone skeleton.

He always hated the feeling of loneliness.

It didn’t take long for him to find him, with only one person in the universe he might as well have a target over his head.

He was, predictably, in his room at Snowdin, currently playing a game on his computer.

He was talking aloud, whether to himself or to someone, he wasn't sure but he bet on the former.

“sans, turn around there's some weird octopus thing behind you,” he read the text on his screen aloud. He chuckled and continued tapping away at his keyboard. “you’re not distracting me that easily.” He frowned as he scanned over the words on the screen. “chat, you’ve tried doing this before you're not gonna get me…” he trailed off as the guardian entered his peripheral vision. He choked out a nervous laugh, tearing off his LED cat-eared headphones as he swiveled his chair towards the being.

“Hello,” it said.

Was this some fun event no one’s ever documented before? No, there was something off about this code, it didn’t match with the rest of the game. The coding language wasn’t anything familiar.

Great, not even the anomaly was familiar with whatever this thing was.

“hey,” he greeted.

The creature scanned the room, its many tentacles flicked around the floor like they had brains of their own. He wasn’t sure where the thing’s cloak started and tentacles began, or maybe they were the same thing. Its singular cyan eye looked akin to a human’s eye flipped vertically. At first glance it looks pitch black, but the tar surrounding it has a slight blue-green tinge to it. Its hands, however, were bright cyan like its eye and looked skeletal.

“You’re all alone,” it said.

“yup.”

“Your world is of no use to you anymore,” it said.

“uh.”

Its head leaned closer with its eye piercing at his empty sockets. Some of the tar on its face melted away, revealing a sharp grin of cyan teeth.

Funnily enough, he couldn’t feel the presence of the anomaly right now.

He decided to place his elbow on the arm of his chair and leaned his head against his hand. He exaggeratedly moved his head up and down to show that he was looking it over. 

“you’re kinda hot.”

As expected, the thing reeled back.

It looked to the side, hiding its mouth once more and clasping its hands together. All its tentacles curled against its body. Was it flustered?

A moment later it composed itself, moving its hands to its back and straightening its body to full height.

He had to move his head up to make eye contact.

“You can leave this world, if you come with me,” it offered.

“wait, actually?” He perked up, believing he heard wrong. Wait, what did “leave this world” mean? Like, die? Is this thing Death?

“I have a place for you to stay, in another universe. It’ll have all things vital for a mortal like you, shelter, food, water.”

Freedom from this hell? It was highly likely the anomaly wouldn’t be able to follow him. That sounded too good to be true.

He quirked a brow bone. “what’s the catch?”

“There will be two others living with you. You will not be able to return here. I will be feeding off your negativity.”

Well he didn’t mind those first two—What was that last one?

“huh?”

“Oh, and I forgot to mention,” its arm reached out. Suddenly, it held him up by the collar of his shirt. “You don’t have a choice.”

It tossed him backwards. His back hit the ground roughly, but the texture was all different. The ground was vaguely pointy. When he opened his eye sockets he realized he was lying down on grass.

The sky was blue. He could see the sky.

Was this the surface?

“No, this is not the surface,” the thing said as if it read his mind. Could it read his mind? “But you are not underground either.” A tentacle pointed towards a castle in the distance. “That is where you’ll be staying.”

The castle looked exactly like its owner, dark and imposing. It was like it had it custom made and gave the architects a picture of itself for reference.

He whistled, impressed.

“You’ll have to walk there yourself. I need to get the other two residents you’ll be staying with.” It opened a portal, so that’s how they got here, and stepped through before he could respond.

The next universe he went to was similar in concept to Something New, Dusttale. Like the other one, it was empty and it was easy to locate who he needed. Unlike the other one, he wasn’t sitting around in his room, but aimlessly wandering around the Snowdin forest.

Something was off, he thought. He would walk here everyday. This time he couldn't shake the feeling he was being watched.

YOU’VE LOST IT.

He lost it a long time ago, but he's never felt like this.

YOU CAN ALWAYS BREAK SHARDS INTO SMALLER PIECES.

True, but he was inclined to believe something was there. So of course he was on guard.

I WOULDN’T EXPECT YOU TO ACT RATIONALLY ANYWAY.

He stepped over a branch on the ground to avoid tripping. It was habitual, maybe he should move that branch to the side, or change his path, but he's never been good at change.

He was reaching the end of the forest.

Snap.

The branch broke.

He turned around, summoning two gaster blasters by his side and a wave of bones at the direction of the noise.

He heard the bones hit something. It made a squelch noise as if it pierced through viscous mud. 

And then he saw what it hit.

YOU’VE LOST IT.

He was inclined to believe that.

“Rude, aren’t we?” Its voice caught him off guard. Really, hearing any voice other than his or Papyrus’s would've caught him off guard but on top of that, this one sounded otherworldly.

He refused to speak. The sound of his own voice reminded him too much of who he used to be, of what he lost.

The being melted into the ground. He almost thought he killed it, and then it rose up by his side a moment later.

“Quiet too,” it hummed in acknowledgment. “I’ll just get this over with, then.” It opened a portal next to them.

Before he could move away, one of its tentacles grabbed him by the shin.

“I am taking you to a different universe. There will be another person there and he is not as hardy as I am. Do not attack him.” It squeezed his shin tightly as a warning.

A different universe?

He was dragged through the portal. The thing didn't follow him, however. The sight of grass and a blue sky threw him for a loop and the other skeleton that looked like him did not help.

The third and last universe was much different than the other two, Horrortale. It was still populated, unlike the others. It was harder to locate who he needed, but again, he was in Snowdin. This time he was at one of his sentry stations.

The spike in his fear when he saw him gave him a rush.

“Hello there.”

The Sans immediately attacked like the one before. A row of sharpened bones burst out of the ground and impaled him, but much to his dismay, it didn't stop him at all from getting closer.

In fact, the bones impaling him were dissolved by the slime covering him.

“Your life here is so drab, isn't that right?”

“you gonna kill me?” he grumbled.

“Quite the contrary. I’m here to give you a new life. It's not like you'll miss the old one, anyway.”

His sockets widened in terror. There was sweat beading on his forehead as his hand scratched at the counter of his stand. “what the hell are you talking about? that's not—”

“—possible?” he cut him off, mimicking the other skeleton’s voice. He laughed, his voice gradually changing back to his own. “Don’t believe me? That's okay, it'll happen regardless.”

A portal opened behind the Sans.

“you can't. i can't just leave my friends—”

Another laugh cut him off. “Friends?! What friends? Oh, the people that you manipulated? Or the people who are the reason why you have that gaping hole in your skull?”

“how the fuck do you know about that?” he snarled.

“Your guilty conscience is so loud, it told me itself,” he sneered. “Come on, don't you want to leave this hell? You’ll have food—of good quality too. You won’t have to worry about going hungry ever again, and it won't be human meat. Doesn't that sound nice? Don't you miss eating?” To give him an example, he summoned a plate of freshly cooked steak on the counter.

Sans’s attention immediately snapped to the food in front of him. The smell was intoxicating. He couldn't help but drool. He could feel his metaphorical stomach screaming at him as his persistent hunger wrenched at his soul.

When's the last time he’s seen steak like this?

His body moved on his own. He lunged. He tore at the steak like a fucking animal. The second he swallowed the first bite, the logical part of his mind took over and he stopped as soon as he started.

“You have more willpower than I thought you did. Stopping yourself after having one bite? I expected you to down the whole thing.”

He gripped at the counter with both of his stained hands, cracking the wood beneath his phalanges. “i’m not some mindless animal,” he retorted.

“Yes, perhaps, but you're a moment away from becoming one. If I left and came back a few years later, would you even be able to hold a conversation with me?”

He didn't reply. He tapped on the counter, irritated.

“You don’t know.”

He gritted his teeth. His smile was strained and stained red.

“And that terrifies you.”

He was trembling.

The guardian shoved him into the portal before he could say anything.

The Sans landed on his back on the grass. The blue sky was as startling as it was to the other two.

Speaking of the other two, they were currently at each other's throats. Scorch marks from gaster blasters and broken pieces of bones littered the grass.

He looked down at the third one. “Welcome to your new home.”

He said nothing, as if he was in shock like a bird that crashed into a window.

Two of his tentacles lashed out to grab and lift the other two by their necks. He brought them closer to him. “I told you not to attack him,” he said to the hooded one.

The third one watched nervously, staying completely still as if moving meant joining those two up there.

The other one laughed, filling the hooded one’s silence. “what nice company we have here. sans one two and three.”

The guardian hummed at his comment. He put the skeletons down before they ran out of breath—could they even run out of breath? Perhaps not. “I will need to give you new names,” he concluded.

The one from Something New, scoffed, “nah, i’m not letting you name me. just call me…killer.”

“Killer,” he repeated. “How fitting.”

Killer shrugged, “if it works, it works.”

“new names. new names?!”

“now red-eye over there should be called crack-head.”

“very creative,” Crack-head deadpanned.

No, that was a dumb name.

“Horror,” he decided. He pointed at the hooded one, “Dust.”

Naming them off of their universes was basic, yes, but they didn't need a name with any thought put into it. In fact, it was better to put as little thought as possible into them.

“great, i’m yanked outta home, surrounded by alternate versions of myself, and now i’m being stripped of my identity. what’s next, you gonna torture us?” Horror complained.

The guardian smiled impossibly wide. “Funny you say that.”

Horror looked unimpressed.

“and what’s your name, huh?” Killer questioned, looking the guardian in the eye.

His name? He didn't recall having one. There was no one to give him a name, but as Killer demonstrated, one could name themself.

He decided to go with the most pleasing word to him.

“Refer to me—as Nightmare.”

“ok, edgelord,” Killer snickered.

He impaled Killer through the chest, narrowly missing his soul, with a sharpened tentacle.

He choked out and staggered, only being kept upright by the tendril impaling him.

The other two's wariness shot up.

Killer fully expected to die right there, but he had a fraction of HP left. It was a calculated hit. If he wanted him dead he would be.

“what the fuck?” he hissed out.

“That's not my name,” Nightmare growled.

“ok ok, sheesh, nightmare!” he shouted with desperation.

The tentacle withdrew. Killer couldn't suppress his scream in pain as he collapsed to his knees.

Horror had a clear grimace, while Dust’s expression was obscured by his hood.

Killer’s breathing was labored and sporadic.

“You can be as insufferable as you want to be, Killer. Just be prepared to live with the consequences,” he said coldly. “Let me make this clear for you all, your old lives are forfeit, your new home is here at the castle, I will provide you with all the necessities, and I will put you through horrible scenarios for my entertainment.”

If it wasn't for the fact he just impaled Killer mercilessly, that last sentence would make them laugh at the ridiculousness of it.

“The first scenario—starts right now.” He raised his arms up and lurid black fog overtook the area, obscuring their vision.

It didn't take long for the fog to do its job. He felt their misery rise in mere moments. The fog in question was a party trick of his; it allowed him to send people into a nightmare of their own making while awake.

He watched as the three struggled and fought against nothing. He could hear one of them arguing, saying something about his eye. The other two were completely silent, blindly throwing attacks at the fog.

He dispelled the fog once he got bored, which didn't take that long. The three passed out once the area was clear. He rolled his eye and opened portals beneath them to send them straight to their new rooms.

This would work, he thought. He already felt better, but he wanted to make this more fun. Using his fog was too cheap and would get old quickly. He’ll brainstorm ideas while they get accustomed to the place.

Horror awoke. He was in an unfamiliar room that was fancifully decorated. He was currently on a bed that seemed like it was worth more than his entire house.

Oh, and he also felt awful. He had a painful headache from whatever the fuck Nightmare did to them. In a way, this was like a personal hell for him. Was this the world’s way of making him repent for all he's done? He wasn't remotely a religious person, but at this point he didn't doubt it.

He caught sight of a slice of pie on the floor. It almost reminded him of one of Toriel’s. He knew better than to eat it, despite his nonexistent stomach’s complaints.

He took the risk of exploring, exiting the room cautiously.

He entered a long hallway. There were five doors in total, three along one of the walls and two at each end. It was relatively dark with the lack of windows. The dim blue flames from the candles along the wall were the only light source.

Killer was also in the hall, currently eating a slice of pie.

“are you crazy?!” Horror blurted, startling the skeleton.

“fuck man!” he jumped, “warn a guy before shouting.” He took another bite of the pie with no regards to if it was poisoned or wherever the hell it came from.

“you're just eating random food on the ground? who knows what it'll do.”

“bud, i was at low HP and saw a delicious slice of pie. of course i’m gonna eat it, poison be damned,” Killer replied without a care.

“you were at low HP because of the one supplying you the pie.”

“if he wanted me dead, i’d be dead. he’s givin’ me pie, i’m eating the pie it's simple.” He took another bite as if to support his point.

Horror muttered something Killer couldn't hear. He sighed, “where's the other guy?”

“you mean dust?” He quirked his head.

“you're not actually going to use the names he gave us, are you?” he questioned.

“well, what else? call us all sans and get all confused? or are you jealous i got to name myself while you're stuck with ‘horror’,” he said with his mouth full.

Horror scrunched his face in disgust. He already hated this guy. “as if ‘killer’ is a good name.”

“it's not a good name, it's a killer name,” he smirked.

“that sucked.”

Killer pouted and finished the last of his pie.

The door in between the two opened, and Dust stepped out.

“good morning sleeping beau—”

He shoved Killer against the wall using blue magic.

“woah!” Horror exclaimed and backed up.

The impact knocked the wind out of him. “ok, damn, bad morning, i guess.” Thankfully the plate in his hands was still intact.

“what's your problem?” Horror said.

Dust glared at Horror, his mismatched eyelights catching the other off guard.

Horror realized how high his LV was and realized why Nightmare named him Dust. He raised his hands in defense. “chill out, dude, we ain’t the enemy.”

Killer summoned a bone in his hand and tossed it at Dust, hitting him in the back of the skull. “yeah, dude, chill.”

Dust slammed him into the ground with a loud shatter before releasing the hold on his soul. He tucked his hands into his pockets and walked towards the end of the hall without a word.

Killer pushed himself up to his feet once Dust exited the hall. “that guy’s a dick.” He brushed the broken shards of the plate off his clothes.

In all honesty, Horror could see where Dust was coming from. Killer's proven to be nothing but annoying so far.

Killer looked down at the broken pieces of the plate on the floor. “it wasn't poisoned, by the way. so hah!” He looked in the direction of each end of the hall. “i’m gonna see if this place has a kitchen.” He decided to go to the door opposite of the one Dust went through.

Horror sighed and pinched the bridge of his nasal bone once he was alone in the hallway. There was a lot to process here, but Killer and Dust seemed unfazed by their new predicament. Weren't they going to miss their friends? Or at the very least, their brother?

He was trying his best to keep calm, or at least appear that way. He decided the best course of action now—was to go back to that room and eat that pie.

[lovelyrotter]

okay but i actually kinda wanna know ur take on stridercest being canon compliant O_O <- autism stare

oh hey i am also hitting you with the autism stare. ill try to get my thoughts down in a way that makes sense to more than just me hahaha

bear in mind that im an epilogue lover and i think Meat/Candy are really valuable pieces that further all of the characters and are also hard canon in the sense that we're looking at just 2 post-game universe outcomes out of an uncountable number (the book in the picnic basket representing post-canon fanfic). i think the characters actions in the epilogues make sense and are satisfying to me. yes even jane (i love alpha jane and i will not do her the disservice of 'cleaning her up' w/o showing her work for it. thats not how you depict a character who grew up with fascist programming). i could totally go on a whole tangent about this specifically but thats another post lol we'd be here forever and its also not stridercest

but okay. canon stridercest. under the cut cause it got kinda long

basically it has to do with the cherubs and how their relationships and mating rituals are pretty obviously incestuous leaning even though cherubs dont have the human concept of Siblings or blood family. the cherub who predominates will search across paradox space to mate with another cherub who closely resembles the cherub they predominated which is like textbook Freudian sexuality. theres a lot of Freud and Jungian stuff in HS imo even if im kinda [wobbly hand gesture] at the validity of these theories applied to real life and real people. but theyre super fun tools and lenses to use in fiction and i mean. gestures at all of dave

so the incest aliens cherubs. the whole reason why im talkin about them is bc Caliborn is so incredibly interested and invested in the Striders in particular. caliborn as both Lord English and Lil Cal shapes earth NOT OVERTLY but more so embeds himself in earth society, but again, the Striders lives in particular. dave is full of incest jokes. hes even apparently got a list of his friends arranged in order of how likely theyd incest-elope with each other (thank you epilogues for this amazing factoid). he seems to think about it often enough to, yknow, Do That. have a good solid think about that and construct an organized list about it. bearing in mind dave makes jokes about stuff thats a) bothering him, or b) generally camping out in his brain. hes not even really aware of it most of the time (as we see in one of the openbounds where hes all 'why am i thinking about puppets???' after seeing dirk for the first time in that dream bubble. he is thinking nonstop about dirk at that point and going off his only frame of reference for ANY dirk, which is his bro. his bro who was most likely deeply warped by Lil Cal)

sorry for the long blocky paragraph lol. but now onto the next thing

Caliborn as Lil Cal is the centerpiece in the beta strider apartment. dave cant escape him and beta dirk grew up with him. what the fuck do you do when youre childhood comfort item is also the most evil creature across all of paradox space? if youre a dirk you try to fight it. but how long can you keep fighting something like that. its safe to say that bro was affected by Caliborns particular brand of perversion and sfw kink. i dont think i have to say how insidious abusive and toxic he is about those things. and looking at the truth of beta bro (16yo alpha dirk) you can start to see just how warped beta bro became. beta bro is a false dirk (still a very Real dirk but not the Truth of dirk. beta bro has been toxified and made infinitely worse by an absolute evil influence over decades of life. in 80s fuckin texas. presumably in the system. anyone would be fucked up after that)

so for this analysis/theory im stating beta bro as a false persona. using jungian terms he is apha dirk's shadow

both dave and dirk live with a fake, carefully manicured version of their bros. they live with personas (or shadows of their guardians on the walls. hello platos allegory of the cave). they dont actually know e/o and they dont until the striunion

alpha dirk especially grows up embedded in the Public Persona Of Dave Strider 400 years post mortem and completely alone with unlimited internet access. hes a self admitted expert on his bro and we dont get to see a lot if any of his early childhood but i can hazard a guess at how much he clung to that persona of his bro. he fuckin idolizes dave. he LOVES dave. right off the bat he is in some kind of love with dave and i think if you try to argue against that then thats you slippin. i think youre a fool and have to reread homestuck because i wholeheartedly believe the striders loving eachother is part of the win state

once again this is speculation cause we get barely anything about alpha dave, but from what we already know about him im guessing this bro-persona is

achingly effortlessly cool

oozing masculinity (toxic or not, not really interested in categorizing that although toxic coolboy masculinity IS something the striders contend with & is an important facet in their lives)

a skilled fighter

a dedicated moviegoer (hes a director need i say more. this one is probably the only genuine thing about his on-screen persona)

and now lets look at jake. someone whos grown up on pretty much nothing but movies, whos doubtlessly been influenced by hollywood and its idea of gritty 'main character' masculinity through that, and who also clings to more old-school ideas of manliness (think victorian/edwardian era gentlemanly-but-loves-a-good-scrum kinda manly. moustache twirly with a monocle kinda manly. basically everything that grandpa harley is)

but okay lets look at what jake wants to be. lets take a look at his teenager persona

achingly effortlessly cool (his own 'hollywood star' kind of cool also def influenced by his favourite characters like lara croft who is indeed achingly cool. you see him succeed in inhabiting this hollywood star persona on earth c)

oozing masculinity (the old school manly mans-man kind)

a skilled fighter (two pistoles always. harder to aim cause you cant use a free hand to make up for kickback. that takes skill)

a dedicated moviegoer (again one of the only genuine parts about his persona. his questionable-to-wretched tastes aside. but bearing in mind that the SBaHJ movies are intentionally bad which is what makes them loop around to good. such is the nature of intentionally 'bad' art. jake fuckin lives in this perpetual bad-good art loop. okay enough with the art tangent keep focused man cmon)

because dirk has obviously way more contact with jake i dont doubt he sees through jakes own (admittedly way more flimsy) coolboy persona but the point still stands i think. different flavours but the same kinda guy. dirk has a type and i dont think its a stretch to say that hes looking for aspects of the bro-persona he grew up looking at in other boys, much like the winning cherub looking for the one they lost in the cherub theyll mate with

also wtf is with dirks obvious boner for dave chasing him across paradox space to decapitate him huh?? the last few sentences in Meat are about that very thing. he wants to fuc fight dave sooo bad. haha remember how the cherubic mating ritual is one of the most violent and long running spectacles in paradox space? i sure do

[inbarfink]

You know, outside of all the obvious reasons why Simon’s Bad Crown Plan was Obviously Bad - there is one extra reason the series itself didn’t directly acknowledge. That is, while wearing the Magic Crown can grant any ol’ schmuck ice powers 

It generally doesn’t seem to give them the Full Ice Wizard Transformation Treatment, with all the Madness and Sadness that comes with it

Unless the previous Wielder is dead.

So presumably, what Simon was trying to find wasn’t just any Magic Crown, it was a Magic Crown who wasn’t attuned to any other wearer and probably because the previous wearer is dead. But in the show it just never directly came up since the non-destroyed Crowns we’ve actually encountered were:

The Extinctworld Magic Crown, over whom the majority of the Drama actively revolves around - whose wielder was indeed long dead before Simon and Friends even got there.

The Vampireworld Magic Crown, where killing the wielder of the Crown was already kinda taken as granted as part of the plan for getting it.

And even when that plan got derailed and our trio was considering taking the Magic Crown and bailing - it was also explicitly stated that just knocking the thing off his head could’ve dispelled the clouds blotting out the sun and killed him anyways. 

Then there’s the Winterworld Magic Crown, where despite Cake’s… eagerness

Simon and Fionna never make any attempts to get the Crown from the Winter King, but also this guy does also pretty much immediately says he's willing to help them in ways that don't involve taking his specific Crown.

And at the same time it is notable that as soon as he does die

Simon is pretty quick to try to loot his ‘corpse’. 

So, really from the immediacy of his actions here, I feel like he is aware that needs a Magic Crown not immediately bound to a living person.

With the possibility of infinite crowns in infinite circumstances, I’m going to assume Simon’s plan was, if he found a Crown bound to someone’s below Vampire King’s level of ‘apocalyptic supervillain slowly killing the whole planet’ level of awfulness and also without Winter King's capacity and (supposed?) willingness to help - they’d just hope on to the next universe and try again.

And obviously I understand that, narratively speaking, for the sake of Simon’s character arc - Crown Quest kinda had to remain focused on Simon’s own self-sacrifice and the price he felt he had to pay for the sake of Fionnaworld. But… I do wonder, with how desperate the situation got in Episodes 7 and 8…and with Simon previously already seeing death as preferable to the curse of the Magic Crown…

... What would have happened if it seemed like the last chance to save Fionnaworld was a Crown bound to a living Ice King? Would Simon even consider upping the number of sacrifices needed to keep Fionnaworld eternal from one to two? Especially if he can rationalize it as the ‘Mercy Killing’ he never got? Or would the second his Purpose involve any sort of destruction that isn’t purely self-destruction is the point that this plan is off the hook?

[senka-mesecine]

Hello! Could you please write for a darker! Barnes being haunted by dreams of a cherry he sent away for her own safety? She leaves, which is what he thinks he wants, but everytime he closes her eyes, she’s there? Thank you!

Hell's a Wedding.

Robert Barnes x Reader.

---

He's never dreamed of women before; wasn't the sentimental sort like that.

He knew he wasn't.

Never presumed himself himself to be. Never wanted to become neither.

Maybe he'd see them reduced down to their basest chemical particles in his nightmares, sure, in bits and pieces, hacked body parts and more meat than people scattering the red, moist jungle soil like so much mulch, manure and fertilizer, but in their entirety and wholly unharmed would've been a novelty for Barnes and it's all started happening ever since he practically muscled you into taking that chopper out here after workplace conditions became too much to bear with a deliberately tactical accuracy and his meddling in the matter; something he ensured would happen so you'd get the hint and fuck off out of here as soon as possible, whether you liked it or not --- a decision not yours to make; something he's gone and decided long before you could ever even register it happening to you. In his dreams, though, every night it was something different, and as of late, he was always a guest at what could only be called a banquet consisting of long tables riddled with guests in one of them chapel buildings they had back home, down South; big, spacious reception halls with desks pushed together as far as the eye could see full of unfamiliar faces gorging their guts; they always said that in dreams and nightmares a man tended to see those he's already met somewhere before but Barnes has never seen any of these motherfuckers in his life in spite of the fact that they've kept him from getting quality shut eye for about a week.

And he never truly minded a nightmare.

He felt a man without wasn't much of a man to speak of anyway.

Clear conscience being reserved for newborns and toddlers, ultimately.

Compensated the lack of a good night's sleep by willingly keeping watch.

Supposed someone needed to maintain night vigil on the sentry towers to ensure they do shit right.

On his binge cigar number five, it's O'Neill interrupting the silence.

Figures.

Then again, Barnes would've told anyone else to fuck off without hesitations.

-"Hey, chief, you ain't sleeping much there, huh?"-

He scurries out of the dark with the eagerness of a kicked lapdog, sitting beside him without asking permission to do so; Barnes didn't know if he should appreciate the fact Red noticed his insomniac tendencies or be covertly angered by it and all the ways his weakness wasn't as tucked away as he wanted it to be. -"You don't want any of these asskissers snitching on you to the higher ups and have you hit with that Section 8. for not getting any shut-eye seven days in a row, now, do'ya, Bob-o?"- He jabs him in the ribs playfully and Barnes observes the contact, scrutinizing it for a second before taking a drag out of his Marlboro, irritated by the fact that Red seemed to keep count, looking out towards the inky horizon. -"Eh, fuck 'em."- Is all he retorts back, right before he turns and faces O'Neill and the man's rodent-like, antsy disposition, saying something that was on his mind for as long as these fucking nightmares were happening. -"Patsey."- He mouths, watching Red's face instantly light up like it's Christmas, all wide-eyes and brows shooting up like the poor sucker's been waiting an eternity for someone to do as much as ask about the topic and Barnes knew that was the case. -"She waitin' on'ye?"- He inquires flatly. O'Neill looked like he was going to pass out even though he was seated on the ground. -"Patsey!? My Patsey, you mean!?"- He points at his own chest, fully incredulous and infinitely happy. All Barnes wanted was a wholly academic, analytical and entirely matter-of-factly answer; -"How long do'ya figger that's gon' last? Her waitin'?"- Barnes prods bluntly, realizing the cruelty of the remark along with the fact he was in actuality asking himself a question in regards of you and merely utilizing O'Neill as a proxy, but there was no place for statistical errors here; he wanted to know, broadly speaking, how long does someone wait for a soldier to come back and find them before throwing in the towel and giving up. The enthusiasm on Red's face instantly falters. Drops like a bag of wet sand. -"Oh, c'mon, Sargerooney, you don't mean that! Not with your friend, O'Neill."-

Red whines, partially being willing to write this off as crude humor.

But, he was hurt by insinuation a woman's patience was limited and Barnes could tell.

Maybe Barnes wanted to hurt him. Piss on his sunshine a little.

Give him a cold shower of reality.

He never could deduce just how mutually serious this thing with this Patsey broad was but it sure was serious enough on Red's side to where he seems properly beaten by the comment, especially judging the forced smile that never reached his eyes. Figured that if he was already dreaming of your wedding he might as well plant the seed of doubt into someone else's mind too; let it germinate there, because this fucking misery wanted company and it found it alright; the remainder of that smoke being spent in a tense silence while the rest of base camp slept. Barnes sent you away for your own fucking good; did you a favor your own father or brother probably wouldn't. So you wouldn't turn into fertilizer and food for worms too out here, at the wrong place and at the wrong time, being somewhere you didn't belong. It wasn't kindness. Was rationale.

Sure, you could hate him for it for the remainder of your life. You and Red both.

That one motherfucker who made your life a living hell in the army.

But, at least you'd be alive.

And getting married all over his dreams to some cucksucker that wasn't him.

It happens again at the end of that week. Day eight of him not sleeping.

How he was functioning as seamlessly was anyone's guess, including his own.

Sheer, pigheaded willpower and adrenaline, he supposed.

Hatred.

He's in the reception hall again and the place is as hot as Tennessee in August; humid, heavy and sweaty, filled with an odd, stifling mist, the windows of the chapel illuminated by the hue of a distant orange light and crosses burning in the courtyard; like an unwanted guest at a gathering, reaching the end of the pews line where you were standing, white gown and all, with whatever faceless suit you were saying your vows to in front of an open notary's book was easy pickings; somehow his pigheaded willpower is still present when he knows exactly what he'd say to you while aware he was inside a dream and actually saying it. All he's ever seen you during your short lived service in the 'Nam were your standard issue fatigues but he recognizes you underneath your veil with the certainty he would recognize his own hand with. -"You go ahead and marry anyone you like. It don't matter much."- Barnes idly traces the outline of your signature on paper, standing between you and your groom like a wall, the ink on it still liquid and bizarrely life-like and tangible, smearing under his thumb as he spoke languidly, understanding this was a picture of all of his fears manifesting. That he spared your ass, sent you away, and that you'd get hitched once you rotated back into the world as was to be expected --- as soon as you were out of his sight. That he'd kill because of that. For all the nights he's spent seeing you as soon as he closed his eyes. For all the days he's spent imagining you. -"You'll be a widow before them signatures dry."- Barnes promises with all the zeal in the world, almost feeling his own mouth move even as he was fast asleep, out cold for once, certain that even though there was ten thousand miles between you and him right now and hell knows how many shitstain countries, seas and landmasses, there was a way you could hear him halfway across the fucking globe.

[autisticlalna]

okay ive managed to get some sleep, let's try and explain this in a way that makes sense outside of my brain

so Viking and Ruby both have like. extensive multiverse going on. and all of how it functions is established in a different series, but is still relevant to Skyblock Kingdoms because of whatever the beans Cherruby is up to.

the most basic gist is: they have shared lore where Viking is the manifestation of space and Ruby is the manifestation of time, although i guess only when they're in the same world together? there's also an infinite number of Vikings and Rubys throughout the multiverse, and we have this info because of a version of Viking that has space powers and a version of Ruby that has time powers on Twitch SMP. this is also all connected to the clock and compass that Ruby has on Skyblock Kingdoms, so that's why this is getting upgraded to "oh god this is relevant and i need to explain it" rather than me going "HEY THIS IS WHY I CALL THEM SPACETIME SIBLINGS BTW :D"

for the more complicated explanation, I HAVE DRAWN SOME DIAGRAMS.

behold: a basic Rubyco and a basic VikingPilot. they're siblings! they're also universal constants, seeing as you can't have a functioning world without time and space and these two dinguses represent those foundational aspects. we have no idea how this happened, and 99% of them dont know either, or even know what their roles are. they're just hanging out.

also, like, if one or both of them permadies, stuff presumably explodes. so far this hasn't been like, relevant, but it's been brought up so i should probably include that tidbit somewhere.

along with Ruby and Viking, there's also the Clock and Compass-- the Clock belongs to Ruby, and the Compass belongs to Viking. if neither of them are in a universe together, then the Clock and Compass show up as separate entities. (also they're labeled Tempus and Locus in galactic when we saw them in Twitch SMP, but there was also a bit where the fandom was nicknaming a Ruby and a Viking Tempus and Locus so it gets a bit confusing.)

however, if one of them is missing-- like, say, there's only Ruby and there was never a Viking in that universe-- then the other sibling gets demoted from "load-bearing pillar of the universe" to "normal guy" and the job of stabilizing space and time is instead done by the Clock and Compass, just like if they were both gone. i think.

for any situation where it's only Viking or only Ruby you can disregard this chunk of their lore as "not relevant" - they're a pair, do not separate. this was also the part i was confused on before, and to be honest im still not sure if im getting it right because the phrasing was vaguer than i remembered. we'll see what happens when i start transcribing tsmp lore again.

ANYWAY. we know this because of these dorks:

...specifically the bottom two, but tRuby and tViking are also important here.

Sapphire and Navigator are... sort of a matching pair? Navigator's a mess, let's pretend he's paired with Sapphire. (Sapphire's actual counterpart Viking is missing in action.) they're also the only two we know of so far that a) know about their roles and b) have the powers to prove it.

Sapphire can reset the timeline at-will (mainly to bring tRuby back to life, but has also used this to drag Navigator back when he swapped out), and has knowledge of past and future. Navigator can swap himself and other people between universes, and has knowledge of things going on in other universes involving his counterparts. Sapphire can't leave the universe he's trapped in, and Navigator is bad at anything involving time.

however, neither of them are native to the Twitch SMP universe! we don't know where they're from, but Sapphire got put there as gay baby jail and Navigator pops in to check in on her. tRuby and tViking are also not native to that universe; they were originally from TwitchCon SMP, but Nav felt bad that they're from a short-lived world and transplanted them into TSMP. they're also the only other matching set we know of besides Nav and Sapph, which might be why tRuby is able to remember past timelines and why tViking is aware of things other Vikings have done. also removing them from their home universe was probably a bad idea for that universe's continued survival but it was literally about to end anyways, so,

Nav and Sapph also can't manifest a body outside of their home universe (???), so for gay baby jail to work there needed to be a Ruby for him to possess and, uh, there kinda wasn't one in TSMP. before Nav's intervention, there was the Clock and Compass keeping things stable. (probably a good thing, because tRuby dies a lot and tViking exploded. he got better.)

but out of the Vikings and Rubys we've seen so far, Nav and Sapph are kinda the outliers in category of "actually knowing about and being able to do stuff with their powers". god wait shit fuck this raises even more questions about Navigator but im not going to get into that right now. ANYWAY

so now we've got a mismatched pair! Cherruby isn't from SBK, but we don't know how it got here or what the world it left behind was like. there's a possibility that Cherruby has a corresponding Viking back home (bc she did mention missing family), but there's also moments pointing towards her being solo. also somehow they found the Clock and Compass and has been holding onto them, and they're under observation for reasons probably related to that.

Summertime, meanwhile, presumably has No Fucking Idea. without there being a Ruby native to SBK*, he's been demoted to Normal Guy status and therefore doesn't have to deal with any of this. maybe. it's, uh, getting kinda fuzzier now that the whole "had a flashback to Dominion" thing happened. god i have no idea what's going on with him

(* Cloneby got brought up, but i don't think ze qualifies considering ze was created partway through. and also i don't know if Avid can, like, do that. especially with Cloneby being an imperfect replica, and cc!Ruby drawing attention to the fact that Cloneby doesn't have the clock despite it being part of Cherruby's design.)

you can now see why i decided to include drawings bc otherwise this is an absolute brick of text. TWITCH SMP IS A SERIES WHERE SO MUCH HAPPENS IN IT.

[max1461]

Most real numbers are not arithmetically definable. This means, more or less, that there is no statement in the first-order language of arithmetic which is capable of uniquely identifying such a number. There are a countable number of arithmetically definable reals and an uncountable number of reals overall. A number is analytical if it is definable by a formula in the second-order language of arithmetic. Again, almost all reals are not analytical, because there are only a countable number of second-order arithmetic formulas. Likewise, most real numbers are not definable in the language of ZFC.

Humans and human minds are finite (or finitistic) things; presumably most real numbers are not "humanly definable", or perhaps even "physically definable". It may be the case that most real numbers cannot be individually picked out, named, or specifically described in any way given the constraints of the physical world. This does not mean that nothing can be said about them: we can still confidently conclude that an undefinable number greater than 6 is also greater than 3. Roughly, they can only be spoken about in generalities, with statements that apply to infinitely many of them at once. It is impossibly to even conceptualize any one of them specifically.

I am puzzling over two things right now:

Are there truths which are true of individual undefinable reals? These truths could never be stated or even thought, and almost by definition they could not have any bearing on the real world, but are they "there"? It seems like there should be unique truths about undefinable reals; for any undefinable real r, surely x=r (free in x) is uniquely true for r. But maybe this is a cheat, maybe there is no well-defined predicate "x=r" for undefinable real r. If you do believe there is such a predicate, I am tempted to ask: what does it mean? Of course by definition no answer can even in principle be formulated.

Do undefinable reals even have independent existence? I mean, in set theory they arguably don't: for undefinable real r and s, the statement "r ≠ s" does not correspond to any valid sentence in the language of ZFC. We know "from the outside" that they are distinct, but... do we? We can say tautologically "distinct undefinable reals are distinct", but surely general truths should in some way just be families of specific truths. Like "all dogs are smaller than the moon" is true because each dog individually is smaller than the moon. But we cannot individually say that any two undefinable reals are different from each other, or in fact individually say anything about them.

All this assumes that the universe, or at least human experience, is in some sense "finitistic" and therefore that most reals are in fact undefinable to us.

[canmom]

one thing I've been ruminating on with regard to the notion of subjective experience emerging from a complex system like a brain (whatever the exact prerequisites might turn out to be) is a thought about location. partly inspired by questions around plurality and such.

in relativity, effects must be local (propagating at max light speed), and any distributed system will have different hyperplanes of simultaneity depending on reference frame. presumably, subjective experience at a given moment corresponds to the state of the brain at that moment - the state of all the particles inside the brain. but 'at that moment' is relative. so i kind of wonder about like... if there is a specific point that the subjective experience could be localised to in the brain, which seems extremely unlikely given everything we know about how the brain works, but if not, if there is somehow a continuous field of subjective experience arising in parallel from all across the brain. and that different points in this 'subjective experience' field are all largely maintained in a state of synchronisation by the way activity propagates through the brain. so if i self report on internal state (and my subjective experience has a causal impact on the world), it will 'feel accurate' to every part of the subjective experience field.

which would mean that alongside me as I write this are infinite other subjective experiences - all more or less the same, depending on how the information is flowing in that specific part of the brain? or like perhaps different parts of the brain are experiencing different things, e.g. the visual processing system experiences one thing, the cortex retrieving memories experiences another, etc. etc.

i don't really think i believe this model - it doesn't really accord with my introspective perception of what consciousness 'feels like'. my actual subjective experience is that i can 'focus on' and bring to attention various different things (sensory inputs, memories, etc.), and equally 'tune them out' and concentrate on something else, which fits much more some kind of central 'single-threaded' view.

i wish there was some way to observe this thing besides introspection, because it's so hard to do anything but wildly speculate with metaphor lego. it's not obvious to me why a brain (or part of a brain) should be able to have a 'like to be'-ness and a cup of water, which also involves the intricate motion of similar numbers of atoms, shouldn't. but my experience is so specifically tied to the various concrete aspects of embodiment and information flow in this biological system that it seems hard to believe that there isn't some important prerequisite here that's missing from the cup of water. i just really couldn't tell you what it is.

[copperbadge]

Okay but can the royal family be called to serve jury duty?

We were talking about this in comments briefly! I've been thinking about it since.

I think the discussion is predicated on the idea that Askazer-Shivadlakia even has trial by jury. France apparently only has jury trial for felony level crimes, while Italy doesn't use juries at all (they have a council of judges). Askazer-Shivadlakia has a number of cultures tugging on it, but given they speak English due to an occupation, probably they have a jury trial format of some kind. Perhaps with only five or nine jurors (Italian Judges Style) instead of twelve. In any case, let's assume they do.

Alanna and Jerry aren't elected or immediate family, they have paid staff positions -- although this made me think that Michaelis and Miranda offered Alanna the title of "princess" as a teen, because of her close relationship to them and lack of parents, although she probably didn't really need it, given her grandparents. Anyway, let's also put Jes in this category of "not royal", because they hold no official title or staff position but have a clear association. Michaelis and Noah are Royals but Michaelis is retired and Noah is appointed, so they have similar status to staff. Eddie, too, is "royal but not elected" and his main function is paid staff much like Al and Jerry. So really it's just Gregory who might legally be exempt. In the US, at least, elected officials at the federal level are. So let's presume that getting elected to king exempts you from jury service until you leave office.

Michaelis, Eddie, and Noah (once he turns eighteen) could be summoned to appear, but would immediately be disqualified from criminal cases because they're affiliated with the Crown and could be argued to have an unconscious bias. What we were discussing in comments was in part my thought that Michaelis, who became king (and thus disqualified) very young and ruled most of his life, would be rather excited for a novel civil service experience, and disappointed when he was dismissed.

I think pretty much any of the royal family except Gregory would be qualified to serve, and allowed to in a civil case (Jerry, Alanna, and Jes would also be fine in a criminal case). Jerry and Al are famous-ish as the local nobility, Jes is a famous journalist, and Michaelis, Noah, and Eddie are royals, but I did a bit of research and I guess celebrities aren't given any kind of special exemption usually. And it's canonical that the Shivadh find celebrities amusing at best, so I doubt their presence on a jury would even be particularly disruptive. So yeah, I could see the royal family serving jury duty.

But my brain is a bit sidelong, so while it would be entertaining to write that story, I was thinking more about...hearings, court protocols, the hierarchical structure of the courtroom, and the weird way in which everyone in a court is pushed into a very specific role. I'll probably write more about that in a general sense later, but where it took me was the idea that Gregory, as a king who has a parliament he has to obey but also certain specific unilateral power, might hold something like a quarterly "King's Boon" session ala the Big Block Of Cheese Day from the West Wing.

Some period of time, every few months, he basically holds open office and meets with people who are struggling to get heard in other ways -- people who want to suggest new laws, or want state funding for something, or need help untangling some bureaucratic issue. One person might have an idea for a law but not the legal training to write it up; Gregory might put them in touch with Palace legal, who can help them draft it for presentation to Parliament. Someone else might be having trouble with some kind of bank issue, Gregory can call up the bank and be like "Hey I'm the king and I'm here with one of your clients, let's get this solved before I audit you." When the recording studio collapses at the start of Infinite Jes and Michaelis says "I'm going to have a word with the government about building inspections", if he wasn't the former king he might take that kind of issue to the King's Boon. Two ordinary people who are arguing about some issue but don't want to take it to the courts might ask Gregory to decide the matter for them. Could be who owns the tree in their mutual front yard, could be some kind of philosophical argument they've got a bet about and they're willing to let Gregory rule on it (this is also very Talmudic, the idea of finding a Sage to figure your shit out for you).

And the nice thing is, much like in the West Wing, this is something Royals and palace staff would participate in -- so when Michaelis was king, he and Miranda would both participate (as would Eitan, as Well Connected Nobility); eventually Gregory as prince and then crown prince would participate as part of his training. It's basically "you, too, have a friend in high places" week in the Palace.

So you've got, say, King's Boon Week, where you get a number, show up on your appointed day, and hang out in the ballroom, which has been converted to a waiting room with nice chairs and snacks (presumably people who can't make it in person can get a Zoom call set up). You wait to be called, and you might meet with Gregory, but you also might meet with Eddie, Michaelis, Alanna, or Jerry. Noah would also participate but for a few years he'd be sitting in with Michaelis as training. Eddie would sit in with Gregory for a year or so after officially becoming King Consort, until he had a more thorough grasp of things. I have a feeling Jes would spend the time circulating and interviewing people for a quarterly podcast. :D

That just seems like a cool thing that is possible to achieve given the size and informality of the country, and would make I think potentially a more interesting story.

I mean. Just imagine. You're having trouble getting the permits all in order for the nightclub you want to open, and you're hoping to get Lady Alanna because you know she's got every bureaucratic "in" it's possible to have. But you groan a bit because you draw Duke Gerald, who...sure he's nice, but you've heard he's a daft scatterbrain. But then you meet with him and he goes through your business plan and is like "This is really solid. Let me make a call," and while you're gaping at him he calls a friend in Legal, gets your paperwork in order, phones a guy he knows who has a vacant building that you can lease on the cheap for the first year or two, and then looks you dead in the eye and says, "Do you need investors? I'd take a thirty percent stake in this," and you wander back into the waiting room, dazed, to inform your business partner that you've struck a deal for each of you to sell 15% of the nightclub to His Grace the Duke of Shivadlakia.

Now THAT'S a fun story. :D

(Eddie is like "Just herd anyone who wants to open a restaurant into my office," and the quality of the food in Fons-Askaz, already pretty good, shoots up a notch that year.)

[sith-shenanigans]

Oh! I have a fun additional fact here! Did you (specific you or generic you) know that Horak-Mul was actually part of his era’s equivalent to the Council? It’s certainly another reason why it’s helpful that he’s the one who stays if you release (but don’t redeem) the ghosts. Full disclosure: even my secondary-canon LS inquisitor didn’t redeem the ghosts. Both because it’s not a great decision and because she’s not… actually light. She’s still a darksider, she’s just a really weird one.

But I think the decision to keep/release the ghosts is really one of the places where the game is most successful at making the less-moral option make more sense to do… despite them not making it an alignment decision at all, for some reason. Because you’re right, it’s much more rational to keep the power—the only reason not to, if you didn’t bargain with the first three ghosts (so they can’t just leave anyway), is if you decide that you’d rather risk it than continue to keep a bunch of dead people in spiritual shock collars for their power and knowledge.

(The inquisitor story has some very compelling themes about “now that you’re free, how willing are you to enslave others in turn?”, almost none of which fully get followed through with, which is why my fic version of it is dripping with them, damn it.)

So when Ahene makes the decision, she thinks very strongly about keeping the ghosts. It’s the logical option. It’s the only thing that makes sense to do. She might be fairly powerful on her own, but she traded full access to it for precision and endurance and a talent for esoteric perception-based Force tricks. She certainly doesn’t have the sheer raw strength that would be required to match her new “peers” when she has so little experience. But it’s also a decision, very specifically, to violate one of the few ideals she has left—not just out of immediate necessity, but for good.

(It’s worth noting that the act of Forcewalking has psychological effects on the person who does it, in my fics. Binding much more so than bargaining, but learning the ritual means taking a hollow place in your soul—one carved out by grief, one where you already keep your metaphorical dead—and teaching it to want.)

There’s no reason to let the ghosts go. If there’s no reason to let them go… is there a reason to stop at four? Certainly not a moral one. The Mother Machine’s ritual doesn’t seem to acclimate you to a specific number. There is every option to just keep going.

She lets them leave because she doesn’t think that path leads to any end she’d want.

She is very glad that Horak-Mul stays, because she really does need him.

(And none of this is to argue with your logic—because it really is completely accurate—but to present what I think the main compelling reason to make the illogical decision is.)

(…Nobody is ever redeeming those ghosts.)

The ending to the Sith Inquisitor storyline where the Inquisitor keeps the spirits bound to themselves is objectively the best ending if they're going to continue being Dark Lord of the Sith.

It just makes sense in every conceivable way.

You're now Darth [Nox, Imperius, Occulus], Dark Lord of the Sith, and Most Honourable Councillor Sphere of Ancient Knowledge of the Council of Dark Lords. It's known that membership to the Dark Council can sometimes last months if not days. Regardless of your wants, you are now in a very dangerous position, because you've got any ambitious Sith Lord within your own sphere (who undoubtedly has had more experience than you) looking to bring you down: more if your policies are distinctly unpopular.

Meanwhile, as a Sith Lord, you've only had three years, minimum, worth of experience. We can fudge the numbers a bit for the sake of headcanon. I personally think time at the Sith Academy lasts up to three years, so my 'Quisitor would have six years worth of Sith-ly training under their belt.

I don't know about you, but having just bound several spirits of Sith Lords long since passed, granting me a possible form of immortality, on top of whatever enhancements the Mother Machine and the Forbidden Gormak Ritual entailed, sounds like a good idea to just... keep them.

Also, also, you now have several Sith Lords bound to you: you know, experienced Sith who could logically give you advice about how to act as a Dark Lord and Councillor of the Dark Council? Sure, they might not have any direct experience, and depending on your relationship with them, it might prove difficult to get the advice in the first place, but it's still invaluable knowledge to covet. Also, you might just be able to force the spirits to comply?

[word-problem-posting]

Tungle.hell, a social media site, is experiencing a sudden increase in gimmick blogs. Their user base can be simulated as an infinite grid of users, with each user being mutuals with the eight users next to them (wrapping to the other side for edge squares).

If a non-gimmick user has exactly three mutuals who are operating gimmick blogs, they will jump on the trend as well.

If a gimmick blog has EITHER less than two OR more than three gimmick mutuals, it will get bored and revert to non-gimmick status.

A gimmick blog with two or three gimmick mutuals continues to operate.

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[infinitedideverythingwrong]

fuck it i dont have any other ways to share my jackal squad headcanons without Making A Whole Thing so im just gonna infodump about them here

general headcanons

the jackal squad are all siblings, with infinite being the eldest and quatre the youngest

the shadowy ones in the background in the one panel they appear in are not consired. no design no character. trois does get the katana used by one of them though

their names are the same as their semi-official ones: uno for the kunai thrower, deux for the one with the beret, trois for the girl, and quatrre for the one with the green bandana

the number names are codenames. infinite's codename is cero. zero, while cool-sounding, is just a bit too generic for me, so i have him share uno's quirk of being named in spanish rather than french. the other ones presumably have real names but they never come up and they always call each other by their codenames

they were initially collectively called the ultimate mercenaries until around the time that they were emoloyed by eggman, when infinite started trying to distance himself from his siblings. that's also why eggman calls him by his real name and why he acts so selectively dismissive about the apparent demise of his family in the flashback

the jackal squad survive getting fridged shortly before the episode shadow flashback, but infinite doesn't know this. i am Not coping they are Not dead they are So much more plausibly alive than the guy who killed them was at the end of his debut game!! coping? me... he's calling me coping? no...! i am not coping. i'm... i'm not. i'm not coping! i! am NOT! COPING! GRAAAAGH !!!

dynamics

cero: the leader of the whole operation. a bit more domineering than some of them would like. a bit self-centered, but ultimately means well for his siblings. always insists he has a plan even though he usually doesn't. he always finds a way to improvise out of every sticky situation he gets them into, though. well i mean other than that one situation that he very notably did not get them out of

uno: plays up the cool and distant act but actually cares a lot about his siblings. he might get snippy with cero from time to time but ultimately he trusts his older brother. he's a good tactician and as such ends up acting as second in command a lot of the time. when cero leaves the squad, uno readily fills the position of leader.

deux: techie. if he's not physically there for a given run, he's usually running mission control. the jackal squad hq has a giant computer specifically for him. when he is there, he's a very calculating and relatively independent fighter. has a dry but nonetheless present sense of humor.

trois: a bit hotheaded and standoffish. the primary one to question cero's choices. cares openly and passionately about her brothers. has a habit of overthinking.

quatre: optimistic, always tries to see the good in a situation and encourages his siblings to do the same. often makes quips to try and lighten the mood. sometimes makes it easy to forget that he does, in fact, kill people for money, alongside the rest of the squad.

[badjershark]

All Cops Are Bastards... at least if you're Catholic

14 June 2024, 7:17 a.m. GMT

In an unscheduled announcement, Pope Francis, presumably in an effort to regain the trust of the historically anti-police LGBTQ+ community after being recorded using a homophobic slur, has declared that all marriages which resulted in a child who later became a police officer shall be annulled by the Catholic Church.

This latest papal decree comes as a shock to many clergy and laymen alike, but sources close the Pope say this has been at the forefront of his mind ever since a 2019 episode of Paw Patrol featuring a canine pope who made "undignified decisions" at the behest of the show's police dog, Chase. These decisions include using his forbidden powers to banish an unruly pigeon straight to hell after it tried eating a single grain of his holy kibble, using autotune software to exclude other animals from mass by saying prayers in a pitch so high only God and dogs can hear it, and ultimately destroying the fictional "pup mobile" in an effort to stop the mayor of Adventure Bay from codifying the Separation of Church and State.

In his statement, Francis said, "God, … in His infinite knowledge, knows which unions of Man and Woman will result in children who will later become police officers, and He does not recognize those unions in His Great Kingdom of Heaven."

The announcement may prove to be rather costly for the Church, as the Archdiocese of New York—which, since its elevation from diocese to archdiocese in 1850, has only ever had Irish-American leadership (we checked)—has released a statement claiming that, considering the long history of Irish-American police officers in New York City, the Church will have to do an intensive audit of its clergy to determine how many of them were unknowingly born out of wedlock, and thus falsely ordained. If this number proves large enough, it could lead to a significant portion of the Archdiocese's congregation learning that they, and their families, were never actually baptized. Religious scholars warn that this may lead to a schism or even the rise of seemingly oxymoronic "Irish-Protestantism," as some laymen would rather proclaim a false Pope than their own false baptism.

Francis has assured the press that he's "not worried about false baptisms at all," since baptisms within the Catholic Church need not be performed by a Catholic priest.

"The bigger concern is false marriages," says 52-year-old half-Italian professor of religious studies at Florida University College, Kingston whose name has been omitted as he asked to remain anonymous. "Think of how many people a single priest marries. Now imagine that priest's brother became a cop. Because of that brother's decision, now they're both the result of an illegitimate union, and all those people who think they've been married in the eyes of God have actually been living in sin this whole time, not to mention their children, who are illegitimate as well. It's really a cascading effect when you think about it. Our early calculations estimate that under this new rule, nearly one third of Catholics in the United States are bastards, and nearly one third of Catholic 'marriages' in the United States are illegitimate."

Some critics have drawn attention to the fact that this announcement comes just weeks after reports that the Church has purchased nearly $2.8 billion worth of stock in the U.S. wedding industry. When asked if the two events are related, the Vatican declined to comment.

[astral-schools]

“Wizard,” Dasein began, prompting Aedan to look up from the book in his hands.

In all honesty, he hadn’t been paying much attention to the words on the page before him-- more getting lost in the feeling of Dasein’s hands running through his hair, the soft rumbling from his chest. (He swore up and down it wasn’t a purr, but Aedan swore just as vehemently that he’d heard the very same noise from Copy Qhat before. Perhaps a habit picked up from borrowing her form?) “I have been thinking lately.”

“Alright. About what?”

“About the concept of soulmates.” Aedan set his book aside. This seemed like the sort of thing that would require his full attention. “I know it is not a notion with any basis in reality, that is, there are no predetermined connections between people which dictate their compatibility. But, in a greater sense. More general. The idea of a bond between two people which is more significant than what they share with others, unique in its depth.”

Aedan turned around to wrap his arms around Dasein’s midsection, chin resting on his chest. “Have you just been thinking about the concept in general? Or is there something specific?”

“Well,” and Dasein sounded flustered, of all things, “I suppose I’ve been thinking about it in the context of you and I.”

And now Aedan was the flustered one. “Ah. I see.” 

“I don’t mean to presume anything,” Dasein said, awkwardly, like they weren’t sprawled out on the futon in Aedan’s apartment, legs tangled together and close enough that Aedan could hear his own heartbeat echoed through Dasein’s form. 

(The great part about the Arcanum being not-really-a-place meant that Dasein could visit without being beholden to the same restrictions about his ability to travel past Novus’s borders, but likewise without sacrificing any of his physicality. Aedan would never get enough of being able to hug him whenever he wanted, no matter how much time passed.)

“It’s not as though there’s anyone else I’d consider for it,” Aedan’s tone was bemused as he pushed himself up onto his hands to trail kisses up the curve of Dasein’s cheek. Dasein leaned into the contact immediately. (Perhaps he would have a hard time getting enough of it, too.) “Putting names to things isn’t something I often consider necessary. But, if it would make you happy to consider us such... Then I can say with certainty that if soulmates do exist in any measurable capacity, that if there is a part of my heart which belongs to anyone but me, then it lies with you.” 

“Oh,” Dasein mumbled. He freed his hands from the tangle of Aedan’s hair to instead wrap them around his shoulders, hefting him up enough that he could bury his face in the crook of Aedan’s neck. “I will never be able to clearly state how much I care about you.”

“I love you, too,” Aedan replied easily. “Was that all you wanted to ask about?”

“...Perhaps.”

“But, perhaps not?”

Dasein leaned back, and Aedan shuffled upright, still half-splayed over Dasein but no longer pinned on his front so ingloriously. 

“Tell me; have you ever heard of a concept known as the multiverse theory? The Old One was quite fond of it.” When Aedan only gave a confused shake of his head, Dasein continued; “the theory states that there are a theoretically infinite number of possible universes out there. Timelines parallel to our own, identical except for certain branching paths based on varied decisions across each different reality. That for every choice which can be made, there is another universe to coincide with the outcome of it. Then new choices are made from that initial one, and each of those choices creates a universe with each diverging conclusion, and so on. Into infinity.”

“I... get it,” Aedan said. Then paused. “Mostly.”

“I understand this is quite an unwieldy concept. Don’t worry. All you need to retain for the purpose of my question is that there are infinite universes out there which are built from the choices we make, and all other possible choices we could have made.” He looked down at Aedan. “My question is; do you think we’re soulmates in every universe?” 

Aedan hummed.

“I don’t know,” he said, softly, not wanting to interrupt the apartment’s peaceful ambiance. “I would like to think so, at least. Nothing is ever certain. Futures twist and change, and things are bound to be different in a world where we’d made different choices. I can’t make any promises. But, I also can’t imagine a life without you in it.”

Gently, he reached up to tangle one hand in Dasein’s tendrils, and they immediately curled around his fingers in return. One came to rest on his pulse point. (That small proof of Aedan’s continued existence was very dear to him, wasn’t it?)

“I think,” he continued, “that we must be soulmates in every universe where we are us. That I would not be who I am without you.”

“And I can say with absolute surety that I would not be anything resembling myself without your presence in my life,” Dasein agreed. “Unequivocally. Unquestionably. Had you not shown reality to me as you did, I would have no notion of existence. Not only would I not be me, I would not be. I would not know there was anything I could be. You are the reason I am here. You are-- my definition.”

Some part of Aedan thought they should maybe make it clear that they were separate people. That they each had their own fulfilling lives, and that their senses of self weren’t necessarily intrinsically tied to one another.

But at the same time, another (much louder) part of him asked; why bother? Who did they need to defend themselves to, here in the privacy of their own home? What notion of propriety did they need to conform to? They were a contradiction of the very idea of something, and an intersection point of two Magics which were, by their very nature, unable to coexist. Neither of them fit their bounds. Neither of them made sense, to any reasonable point of view. Why should they try to follow rules about something as paltry as their relationship status when they’d already broken so many rules regarding the laws of magic and nature?

So yes, they were separate people, but also they weren’t, and it was fine. 

“In every universe where I am me,” Aedan said, definitively, “you are there.”

“And I would not be me in any universe without you.” Dasein concluded. He nodded assuredly. “I am far from an expert on the subject, but that does sound like soulmates to me.”

Aedan laughed, and leaned forward to kiss him again. “I suppose it does.”

[kingofangst]

Teen Wolf AU Series: The Wings Of An Enigmatic Masterlist

SEASONS 1 - 6

"-Two things are infinite: the universe and human stupidity; and I'm not sure about the universe."

"-Since when you became Einstein?"

"-Since when were you so interested of my input on the matter? I presumed humans were nescient."

Hello my faithful subjects reader. Welcome to the main page where you can find my teen wolf au series in numerical order from the pilot season 1 to the tragic and grim season 6 (Season 3B is still number 1 tragedy for me due to someone important dying) but here is the chapters below. So far there are only 4 chapters and 1 season. (This will be updated over time)

Tagslist: @rhyslahey, @thiamsxbitch, @mmoosen, @isaac-not-isaac, @phantomraeken, @unsanedes

If you want to be apart of this tagslist for this series, comment down below or message me and I will add you in the tags for the series. Thank you. P.S let me know if the links work or not so I can fix them for you and can be able to read them.

Season 1

1. Chapter 1: Veiled Insights

2. Chapter 2: Disconcerting Sight

3. Chapter 3: Non-Supernatural Threat

4. Chapter 4: Unpremeditated Future

5. Chapter 5: Mistakes Are Learned

6. Chapter 6: Night School

7. Chapter 7: Risky Assignment

8. Chapter 8. Never Break The Rule

9. Chapter 9: Bloody Winter Ball

10. Chapter 10: Codebreaker

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To be updated every month