#and in a way i am because i'm redoing it
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what sucks about art school is that I spent forever on this less than a year ago and thought it looked pretty solid at the time and now it already looks like total ass to me
actually here’s all three of my lovelies together and this will probably look awful in dark mode but oh well
#i am doing turn arounds for lloyd and evelyn right now and I'm using this as a ref#and it's just like... ergh#like good in pieces but as a whole i could do better now#and in a way i am because i'm redoing it#and i'm reposing them to look less anxious 😒#lloyd's pose is very similar though tbh#trying to do something more mentor-y#and evelyn will be more karate-y#i'm debating a literal karate pose or just something that hints at her being a martial artist#something kind of active?#idk#i realized nothing i've drawn for LV shows that it's an action show LOL OPPS#anyways in 10 weeks i'll have an animatic for you guys hahaha
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my bg3 playing experience in a nutshell:
*gets confused in which order to do some quests* *goes to google and as causiously as possible tries to find the info* *spoils myself the biggest spoilers crucial to the story* x rinse and repeat at least 10 times during my entire playthrough
#this is the last straw 🥲 i spoilered myself the REAL identity of the emperor 😭😭😭#I JUST WANTED TO KNOW IF I SHOULD GO TO ANSUR BEFORE GORTASH I 🤡🤡🤡#i am so close to finishing and i'm so so done 🤦♀️🤪#meanwhile yesterday i thought it was a good idea to start a seperate platthrough for gale's romance from my older quicksaves..#it's 190 hours into this game i find out the hard way that QUICKSAVES OVERWRITE EACH OTHER 💀#man if i didnt make the last manual save i'd have to redo the entire steelwatch and gondians i would honestly delete the game in frustratio#because i wasnt able to save during that mission due to save files corrupting..AGAIN#good thing sometime ago i read about the lower city save corruption so i went immediately to rivington to manual save#and it worked ✊️#man i am so done with act 3 😭😳🥺#i felt blissful when i replayed a little of act 1 yesterday it just felt like a different game 😭#bg3 spoilers#tbd
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why is online college so hit or miss. this semester i've had a class that might be one of my favorites of all time and also two of the absolute worst classes i've ever experienced.
#crow caws#i'm so pissed rn i just got another low grade in my spanish class because my rude as hell professor keeps accusing me of reading during my#video assignments when i'm not supposed to???? i'm literally not reading btw and she has yet to explain what makes her think i am.#and she never offers me any way to redo anything so i'm just stuck with low grades on easy assignments.#i've had this prof twice during the time i've attended this school and she's done this before. like why is she beefing with me.......#and my chem class is probably worse because the prof clearly doesn't give a shit and never gives clear instructions.#sorry for the random rant i'm just mad. so glad the semester is almost over and i'm probably graduating i hate this school so much 💔
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#not sure if i talked about this here yet but I'm a recovering nail/cuticle biter#and last fall i started getting gel manicures to incentivize me to stop so i wouldnt be wasting my money lol#and it WORKED. because i got really really into nail and cuticle care#so now my nails are grown out and my nail beds have completely reattached#i have normal nails now and you could never tell i used to demolish them#i spent my ENTIRE LIFE with stubby little bitten nails and gross ripped up dried cuticles#and now i have BEAUTIFUL natural nails#except for the damage i accumulated from the gel removal over seven months lolllllll#so recently i stopped getting gel and i switched to regular lacquer#at first i was still going in to my nail tech but then i started taking the polish off in between appointments and practicing on my own#and in just a couple weeks i was good enough that i just stopped going in!#i just do my own nails now!!!#it takes me four hours to do it right lmao but its worth it because it's been a week and they're still perfect#only one tiny chip and NO LIFTING#im gonna take it off and redo it with a new color today because I'm bored of this color#but i could probably keep wearing this for another week and it'd hold up#I can't take all the credit because I'm using the Dazzle Dry system and just switching out the color with ILNP lol#Dazzle Dry is another fucking level omg#but anyway. I'm proud of myself#my nails look just as good as when i was getting them done professionally 😭#i am NOT a girly girl i don't wear makeup or shave a single part of my body#i get my hair cut specifically in a way that requires minimal styling#so the nail obsession isn't something anyone would have expected from me...#and yet my nails are always immaculate nowadays 💅
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I changed my mind. Hater behavior is undeserved, when it comes to works, & idgaf about holding creators accountable when their games are mid, anymore.
#em.txt#now i only care about how you treat your workers tbh#so there are still series i hate. but now I don't want to be mean to people who put time & effort into making shit#this is about post shift 2. people were too fuckin mean to Rjac for a game he made for free#& as a bitch who loves that game a lot i see your criticisms i understand. but you're not gonna be mean to him abt this#that fucking teen that held that interview & told him he needed to be held accountable for his mistakes. god#he made this shit for free across four years. what can happen in four years? what did he work through?#to deliver you a free game. even if you don't fucking like the game if you invite a creator on to talk about their works#you don't fucking talk to them the way uyeah did. shit was cruel & uncalled for.#this game is fucking good but it's forever going to be burried as a game that's complicated with weird tutorials#ps2 is fun. you should try it. if you don't get it -- ask. I'll answer any question at any time#i will vc you i will write a text doc -- whatever you want. more people need to experience this fucking game#it's compelling in a way few games are to me.#i can homestly only compare it to rain world but not for a reason that's overt & easy to explain. more in how it feels to play#rather than what you do.#man. idk. i gotta learn how to talk about shit i love without being mean now#this started because i was talking mad shit to my friends & it asked me to stop because i was downtalking something she loved a lot#& i realized this isn't fun for people. i thought we were having fun but tbh? I'm just a mean negative bitch#& that's not fun. that's mean.#i have to redo this character arc from when i was 13 because i guess I didn't learn it the first time around#cynicism doesn't make you funny or cool. it makes you mean & unfun to be around. finding kind things to say is tougher.#if you can present your criticism nicely then maybe you can criticize too#but that alone does not a good critique make & it definitely don't make you fun at parties#listen. i am still gonna be a bitch. but i am going to be less of one.
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the most difficult part about group projects is not doing everything yourself
#to be serious i obviously want to respect everyone's time and efforts but sometimes it's genuinely very difficult to find a balance between#evreyone contributing in ways they would prefer and the output being good. what do you do when someone is bad at something yet enthusiastic#if this was baking a cake or something else i wouldn't give a shit but this is university and we have constructed but objective guidelines#clearly this is only a problem if you're a bad person like me who prioritizes results over how people feel in situations where we're graded#i am as polite as possible but how do i gently say let me do everything over for you#what makes this even more difficult is my own inability to start things early so this problem is double my fault - at the point#where i would have my thing done others have completed their work already before so i'm always overstepping#even if i'm ready before the deadline as well. the others are just faster overall#i'm fully aware how arrogant and insufferable i am and this is btw i know the people working with me are extremely talented in their ways#and carry skills i don't have etc etc but fuck some of the things i have to redo are sooooo simple and this way of working#is extremely inefficient because on top of doing my own work i have to look over the work of others and i know that's because i want#to do so and it's not their fault but at the same time they all did say they're aiming for the highest grade so what gives#i'm actually the worst person to have as a group work member </3 genuinely horrible. i've decided for now just let what is there slide and#emphasize giving credit about all the work the people have done rightly to them and then just quietly fix it later for the final submission#shit talking
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voicebank recording hard but listening through your recordings on the days you can't record to find any samples that need redoing is harder
#good news is i now have recorded a solid vb / a whisper vb / a husky vb / and a low lazy toned vb#bad news is i have to quality check a solid vb / a whisper vb / a husky vb / and a low lazy toned vb JKLSDHKJSFK#also agonizing thinking about how i still need to record the upper transition pitch and one to two power pitches to complete the powerscale#mainly because i am not in my car recording so i need to be considerate of neighbors and whatnot#i'm holding off on recording until tuesday in hopes that most people will be gone#but at the very least i can redo any borked samples tomorrow if time permits#anyway i'm agonizing about the upper pitches because the plugins i'm using for post-processing Really do not like shouting#they very easily drown out consonants and rob all samples of power if they're not recorded in the Exact right way#so here's hoping that turns out okay sjkfhlgjk#the things i do for this old man ksjfgkldfh
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I GOTTA REDO ALL MY LINKS JUST BECAUSE I RE DID MY USERNAME ARE YOU KIDDING ME !?!?!
#☀️— 𝐊𝐈𝐄 𝐑𝐀𝐍𝐓𝐒 !#THIS IS MADNESS#WTF TUMBLR#CHANGE THIS#tumblr#at this point i'm done#yall are gonna have to scroll down for all my fics because no way in hell am i redoing 3 hours worth of re doing fucking LINKS.
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having adhd and trying to be productive by telling myself "okay i can't do this other thing that i want to do until i finish this task" and then purposefully fucking up badly enough on that task so i can be like "well there's no fixing it now i guess i start doing this other thing then!"
#scythe speaks#i have to brute force my way through tasks every day even when i'm on meds but my subconscious STILL finds a way around it#this is infuriating#i am constantly at war with my own mind#and i know i'm just going to have to redo the whole fucking thing later because of this#just because my fuckin dopamine is all out of wack#*taps my frontal lobe* hey. can you maybe fucking function for once
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Thank god I'm retaking my cell bio class online because there's no way I'm wasting energy, time, and gas on commuting to that hellish campus twice a week
#Words#Personal#I'm still annoyed that I have to redo this shit#But at least this time around I actually know the material and I can go at my own pace#Idgaf though this time I'm graduating like this is the last time I'm ever doing a biology class#Idk what the hell I'm gonna do afterwards#Hopefully I'm able to get a job so I can resume business shit again#Because I've had to put that on hold for months now#School has gotten in the way of so much it's time to leave#Even though it would've been nice to graduate this semester#And tbh I should've considering how ridiculously close I was to passing#If I pass this time I'll graduate during spring when it's warm out#And I won't have some dusty ass winter graduation#Seasonal depression still hit this year#Not as hard but it was still there#Anyway it's midnight and I need to sleep before I find myself going to bed at 3 AM again lol goodnight
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god I hate turnitin and how it flags my work when I haven't plagerized at all. Like bro just because my word choices are sometimes weird, I used dwindled and such in the latest lab report, doesn't mean I plagirized. It's not my fault my brain sometimes uses big words. Now I have to figure out how to reword it cause I got a 46%
#It's a physics class anyway aen't I supposed to use big words?????#I'm an artist not a scholar#how else am I suppose to word it without big words#this is why I hate turnitin#they've false flagged me before in highschool too#makes me so mad considering I work hard only to have to redo it cause some dumb ai thinks my wording is sus#like bro#you're sus#i have anxiety and am a senior#there's no way i'd be dumb enough to plagerize on a class I'm only taking to fill my final gen ed so I can graduate this semester#I don't care enough about this class#hell the only reason why put in effort was because I have an irrational fear of having bad grades due to my family#man#just want to scream#especially cause I doubt the prof take my excuses#but you bet your ass i'm messaging my advisor to make sure that too many of these false flags won't put me in trouble#I've worked too hard just to have some ai blow it all by claiming I plagerized#WHEN I DIDN'T#gahhhhhhhhhh#so frustrating#whyyyyyy#tw rant#cw rant#tw turnitin#tw swearing#cw swearing
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🫀 svt when you ask them "do you like me?"
anon → "svt texts + asking "do you like me?" to the members when you know they have a crush on you? <3"
‧₊˚✩彡 includes: [implied] svt confessions, svt crushing on reader, fluff, headcanons under the cut.
🫀 headcanons .ᐟ
seungcheol wouldn't even bother to be discreet about it. he'll immediately goes for the kill i.e. asking you out, assuming your question is you making a move. he'll smirk at you and say something along the lines of "took you long enough to notice" when you go on your first date.
jeonghan would initially try to joke around it, only to feel bad. he doesn't always immediately know when it's time to joke and when it's time to be serious. if you give him a 'redo', he'll take some time to respond, but he'll eventually come clean and then would probably proceed to downplay it. "it's just a crush. no biggie."
joshua would take this very, very seriously, in the sense that he would not want to have this conversation over text. when you meet in person, he's a bit shy but there's no mistaking his sincerity. "i really do like you," he'll say sweetly. "and i want to do something about it, if that's okay with you?"
junhui doesn't play around, especially when it comes to his feelings about you. he's blunt in a way that's uniquely him— almost a little exasperated that you're trying to fish the answer from him. when he eventually does confess, he's so cool about it, like he can't believe you not knowing. "i told you it was obvious, didn't i?"
soonyoung is the type who doesn't immediately register what's happening. maybe he just woke up. maybe he just had a particularly grueling day of practice. either way, he'll only properly answer your question hours later. "i thought i missed my chance," he'll huff. "you can't just do that to a guy—"
wonwoo is masterfully, perfectly evasive about his feelings. he borders nonchalant, even, and anyone who didn't know him well would assume that he doesn't actually like you at all. but the truth is, he's just waiting for the right moment. "i wasn't about to play in to your little charade when i've wanted you for as long as i have," he'll tell you.
jihoon doesn't really hesitate to admit his feelings, though it's very matter-of-fact. he doesn't want to hide it but he's also conscious of how you might receive his feelings. whether he'll do something or not is up in the air, but he's always in the business of telling the truth. "of course i like you. why wouldn't i?"
mingyu would definitely tease you if you attempt to wheedle the answer out of him. it's all half-jokes, his jabs of the depth of his feelings. he means it when he says you have to be ready for his real answer. "i think you'd run," he'd muse. "if you knew just how whipped i am for you."
seokmin had a plan. he really did! he'd get genuinely upset that he's thrown off his game, because he had the picture perfect confession that would put all your favorite dramas to shame. he pouts a bit over it and asks if he can still do it. "you deserve the perfect confession, and i'm going to deliver!"
minghao panics. it's not like him to, considering how cool he usually is, so he chugs a pot of tea and meditates until he remembers he actually has to respond to you. he's a little vague when he answers, but there's an underlying promise that the feelings are there— just waiting to be spoken in to existence. "i want to be sure," he'll say softly. "i need to be."
seungkwan would beat around the bush. he's definitely thrown off by the sudden question and the prospect of confessing over text, of all places. you can imagine him nervously pacing his apartment on his side of the phone. "this happened way differently in my head. maybe in a café or something, argh!"
vernon doesn't take you seriously, initially, thinking it's just another one of those cases where the two of you are messing around. but, hours later, he has a bit of a huh moment. when he realizes you'd been looking for an answer, he doesn't hesitate to give it to you. "no point in hiding."
you would think chan is being vague about his answer, when he's really trying his best to not panic. he's the most likely to change the topic on you in a desperate attempt to regain his bearings. he'll confess not long after, acting a little petulant at your attempted teasing. "i wanted to do this on my own terms," he'll say. "so, here it is— i like you, alright? there."
#svt smau#seventeen smau#svt imagines#seventeen imagines#svt fluff#seventeen fluff#svt x reader#seventeen x reader#── ᵎᵎ ✦ reqs#[ slowly recovering from a vacation high and i was thinking this req the whole trip lols ]#── ᵎᵎ ✦ mine
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weird/exciting things are happening for me in the next year and it’s giving me motivation to pursue disciplinary action on a pharmacist who lied to me to justify her refusal to fill my scrip and is the reason i’m entering day 3 without a psych med that is essential to my stability and sleep cycle :’) i’m sure my total lack of filter and sharply increased willingness to make myself a Problem isn’t indicative of a dysfunctional mental state at all
#my psychiatric institution ALSO dropped the ball in an entirely different but legally untouchable way#they closed their fucking file on me so i have to redo intake before i can see a psychiatrist and get a scrip this bitch'll actually honor#they won't do a bridge because apparently their records evaporate into thin air the second they close them or some shit#ALSO they don't schedule intake so i have to call as soon as they're open and fucking hope i can do both intake and snag a psych today#i have not slept and i have no idea how i'm not going to be marked down as a difficult patient with the shit i've been saying#anyway. hope y'all are doing better than i am rn
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Over 6 years ago, Technoblade and Etoiles played together on United UHC. Although they never got to meet each other on the QSMP, it's nice to see that they already had some nice banter and a fun dynamic developing during the brief time they knew each other. Here are some highlights from the video where they played together!
Subscribe to Technoblade! Technoblade's United UHC video
[ Part 1 || Part 2 || Subtitle Transcript ↓ ]
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Technoblade: Bonjour, mis amis! (Hello, my friends!) Oh god, we already have a zombie on us. No! It's targeting me 'cuz I have subs!
Etoiles: Excellent teammates.
Technoblade: Do trees spawn in these worlds?
Etoiles: [Laughing at a screenshot of Technoblade saying "deforestation has gotten pretty bad"]
Technoblade: It's gotten pretty bad, man. What is this?
Etoiles: B-bonjour.
Technoblade: Stop speakin' Chinese.
Etoiles: You're the best Skywars player, dude. That's why.
Technoblade: That doesn't mean much.
Technoblade: Oh my god, I found diamonds!
Etoiles: Oh, whoa.
Technoblade: Subscribe to Technoblade! I'm suddenly a UHC god.
Etoiles: Oh, I got diamonds too! :D
Technoblade: ...Wow, way to ruin my moment. Wow. Can I just have this one moment?
Etoiles: Yeah.
Technoblade: Does everything- does everything need to be a competition? First diamonds I've ever mined in Minecraft.
Etoiles: Let's redo it, Techno. Let's say I don't have diamonds. I don't have diamonds, you have-
Teammate: I found diamonds!
Technoblade: Oh my god.
Technoblade: I have seven diamonds! And I'm not saying that to one-up you, but- I mean I am, but I mean I'm- I'm also tellin' the truth.
Teammate: Nobody knows which one of you guys is the mole.
Technoblade: Yeah, that's gonna be very awkward.
Etoiles: Maybe Technoblade is already-
Technoblade: I'm right behind you.
Etoiles: Technoblade is already saying to his friend-
Technoblade: I'm already in the Mole chat, plannin' your death.
Etoiles: Like, I'm kind of scared of Technoblade, actually.
Technoblade: I'm not even good, why would you be scared of me?
Etoiles: Because you're the King of Bedwars.
Technoblade: Alright, ok, ok, so here's how it works- I get paid per episode, right? So I'm not gonna betray you on Episode 2.
Etoiles: [Laughs]
Technoblade: Now let me enchant.
Etoiles: I'm so bad at hearing sound because when I'm hearing lava-
Technoblade: Nah, it's 'cuz the sounds are in French, isn't it?
Etoiles: [Laughs] I'm gonna kill you, bro.
Technoblade: No!
Etoiles: [Laughs] I'm gonna kill you.
#Technoblade#Etoiles#QSMP#Untitled UHC#Edited#I'll have to upload the next part tomorrow#I decided to add subtitles and that always takes a little bit longer#If it sounds like there's a mic echo it's because there IS a mic echo in the original audio#As always if you have a hard time reading the subtitles please let me know! Happy to adjust the font for the next iteration#been using this one for a hot minute but might switch it up sometime if I find something better#Subtitles#I'll upload the rest tomorrow I've got a few things I gotta wrap up#Portfolio
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repetition creates belief.
if you have been consuming manifestation related content for a certain amount of time, this principle shouldn’t be that unknown to you. in both communities, law of assumption and law of attraction this concept has been taught. but why is it so important? it is really that much of significance?
definition.
to repeat means to redo or replicate. with regards to manifesting, it refers to repeating a specific sort of statement which we call "affirmations". therefore, the phrase "repetition creates belief" indicates the repetition of affirmations.
purpose.
repetition is a form of controlled and conscious thinking. it's a way of introducing yourself as well as identifying with your affirmations. with repetition, you regularly remove old beliefs that no longer satisfy you and replace them with beliefs that do serve and also benefit you. ultimately, it's a practice that's supposed to assist you in entering and remaining in the state of the wish fulfilled, persistently thinking in your favour and constantly constituting a new, desired version of yourself while changing old self-conceptions.
thought ➜ act of repetition ➜ belief
although repetition is supposed to help changing self, it’s not the repetition act itself that does. it’s YOU. repetition is only there to guide your thoughts. however, it’s up to you if you accept your new thoughts or not.
logic.
the reason why repetition helps you change and create beliefs in the first place is because through repetition, you form a feeling of naturalness. you build a feeling that becomes habitual, a feeling you can confidently return to, a feeling that's slowly starting to feel friendly and familiar, a feeling you learn to recognise and relate to.
furthermore, repetition leaves no room for opposing thoughts as you direct and dictate which thoughts you want to place your attention and awareness upon. it takes up all the space that was once dedicated and devoted to insecurity, confusion and uncertainty. it naturally defeats feelings of fear and fright while also refuting former beliefs. in addition, you become indifferent to the attainability or achievability of your desires as you cease to classify and categorise them into "realistic" and "unrealistic", "possible" and "impossible" or "logical" and "illogical"
forms.
generally, there are two ways of repetition. repeating (or affirming) from abundance and repeating from absence. in the first case, you declare from a state of acceptance and confirmation. in the second one, you declare from a state of denial and rejection. one is done aware or consciously, the other is done unaware and unconsciously (also "vainly" or from "lack").
the reason why i believe that stating something in vain is inconvenient is because it’s an empty expression, and not embodiment. manifestation is done in consciousness since consciousness is the only reality and consciousness creates reality. there is no underlying sense of identity. no identification. no change of self. and the only thing that can change reality is self. only through a change of self, you can change the world around you.
examples.
repeating one time · "hm, i don’t really know about that…"
repeating ten times · "oh, i'm suspecting i may be right."
repeating hundred times · "yes, i am absolutely correct!"
what felt really impossible and illogical to you at first will start to feel more natural and normal until you have finally accepted it to be entirely true. that’s when it becomes a definite part of your identity and who you claim to be.
with love, ella.
#law of assumption#neville goddard#edward art#loa tumblr#loablr#loa blog#loassumption#loa#manifesting#manifestation#manifest#how to manifest#law of attraction#subliminals#imagination#repetition creates belief#spiritual#spirituality#master manifestor#manifest it#manifesting it#reality shift#reality shifting#affirmations#affirming#self concept#specific person#shifting realities#consciousness#law of consciousness
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Restaurant owner/chef Charles / Food critic Edwin AU!!!
So, I just thought of this AU and I am so jazzed about it that I need to drop this idea somewhere so it can become a 100k fic I can devour in one sitting asdfhfhfhf
In an ideal world I’d want to offer the floor to someone Desi to run with this idea, or to collab with me on it because I want to do Charles' food and culture and relationship with his mum justice. I’ve only been adjacent to the restaurant business (my family ran a small café for a bit and I worked there, and I have a family member who did culinary school, so).
I just know that this idea has Arrived in my brain and I can’t just let it sit in there unattended, asdjfjfjf
I'm tagging @nix-nihili and @queen-of-hobgobblers 'cause I feel like this will be up your street???
Okay - so Charles and his mum own a small Indian restaurant. It’s a family business and his parents ran it together ("together") before. Charles’ father was incredibly controlling about the menu, their community partners and suppliers, as well as pretty much every other aspect of the business (and their lives, behind the scenes). Now Charles’ father is out of the picture—I'm undecided how this happens, but I just think Charles deserves to live an unfettered life without Mr. Rowland hurting him anymore, tbh.
He gets to rediscover the joy of cooking together with his mum, cooking as freely as he wants and not being held back by his dad's expectations, refreshing the restaurant's menu to feature more authentic versions of the dishes, making connections with new suppliers, redoing the accounting to pay everybody a living wage... Just generally, like, revamping the entire restaurant to be a more joyful place to be that celebrates delicious food and companionship as a form of connection and sharing. Edwin is a food critic who goes to the grand reopening of the restaurant. Edwin likes to write about and document food. He enjoys experiencing a restaurant and its food possibly even more than the tasting of it. He presents like the uptight, exacting sort of food critic restaurants are intimidated by, with his many layers and his bow tie and his posture and his perfect hair, his little notebook and his vintage pocket pen. But inside he just wants to be able to feel some sort of a connection: with the chef through the food (What is the dish trying to tell him?); with the other person at the table—if there is another person, which is so rare.
Family mealtimes for Edwin growing up were distant affairs, overly formal and stilted and coded, minefields for being scrutinized and speaking and acting in only the most acceptable ways; not places to be honest or genuine or to let one's guard down. Certainly not occasions to experience genuine enjoyment. He wants to believe that food, which is so vital to life, and the preparing and the sharing of it, can be different. Positive. Joyous.
Charles gives Edwin a tour of the restaurant when he arrives. Charles is not like a lot of other restaurant owners Edwin has met. He introduces Edwin to his mum and the way he looks at her makes a pang go through Edwin's chest because clearly, they love each other so much, and Edwin may have never had that but just looking at it heals something in him. He's not getting invested, though. (Right?)
Charles' enthusiasm is like, off the charts. He's practically vibrating, to the point where excitement tips over into anxiety, clearly trying to keep it toned down and failing. And Charles is like, "I'm sorry. Just a bit nervous, yeah? I really care about this place. I need it to—I mean. I really want it to do well."
Edwin's heart goes out to him. "Do not worry," he says, softly. "I am not here to hurt you." He doesn't know why he says it but all the tension goes out of Charles, the slightly frantic look goes out of his eyes, and he gives Edwin the brightest smile he thinks he's ever seen. It's a gorgeous smile. Relieved, and carefree, and warm like sunshine.
"D'you want to try some food?" He says it almost conspiratorially, as though this is not Edwin's primary and entire purpose in being here.
Edwin looks around the quiet, empty restaurant. It's cozy and warm with mid-afternoon sunlight streaming in through the windows at the front. Even without any patrons, without the din or bustle of a full dining room, it seems to beckon to foster shared happiness within it. "I was under the impression that I would be partaking of your dinner service this evening," he says delicately, trying to hide that he might actually want nothing better than to never leave here at all, let alone try some food.
"Well, yeah," Charles says, "'course you are. But this is different, innit? Not for the article. Come on, let me cook for you. You look like..." He stops. Perhaps considering if he's about to say too much. His eyes are bright and thoughtful and fixed on Edwin so intently that Edwin doesn't breathe for a moment. "You look like no one's cooked for you in ages." It comes out soft, but firm; as though he knows what he's talking about. Edwin feels like the wind has been knocked out of him.
"No one has ever cooked for me," says Edwin matter-of-factly.
He has no idea what it is about Charles that makes him admit something so honest—although it is not entirely accurate. His family had had a personal chef. Technically speaking, all of Edwin's meals had been cooked for him, until much to his parents' chagrin he went off to a student flat, and culinary school, and began to cook them for himself. But he suspects that no one has ever cooked for him, the way Charles Rowland is offering to now. Properly. Like it means something. Like he is trying to say something through it; unspoken words that Edwin has always wanted to hear.
Let me know you. Let me connect with you. Let me take care of you.
Charles' eyes widen. Clearly, he is trying to process Edwin's bleak admission. "Right," he says, after a beat, as his posture gains something determined; his grin bright and charming. "That settles it, then. I know exactly what I'm going to make you."
And before Edwin can say anything else, he's taking Edwin's hand in his and tugging him towards the kitchen.
#dbda#dead boy detective agency#dead boy detectives#payneland#cw food#cw eating mention#I AM SO NORMAL AND FINE
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