#and im wondering would that have been the case if there wasnt a what? 2 year gap

[randlemartin]

talking to people about masters of the air and its truly fascinating how disappointed they were about biddick dying in ep 3. really wonder if the fairly long gap between filming and release ended up hurting the show in some weird way with some of the actors (austin butler and barry keoghan) having like career defining roles in the meantime which meant audiences had waaaayyy bigger expectations/biases etc

[strawbebyjam]

back 2 missing it 👍🏼

[hikakuriyyu]

Tension. (part 2)

⁎ warnings: romantic slasher ? manipulation, mentions of murder, mentions of death, obsession, female!reader.

⁎ summary: you were fell for him. hard. the murders started, and you knew it was him. billy lured you into his dark and twisted intentions. it was so wrong. but it doesn't feel wrong... there was something stopping you. or someone.

⁎ author note: hi guysss ! sorry, i got shadowbanned yesterday TT thats why the first part wasnt visible in the tags :(. but tumblr lifted the ban so im backkkk. sorry this is even longer than the last one :p. THANK YOU FOR 10 NOTES AND 3 FOLLOWERS ! :D enjoy !

You barely made it to your room before collapsing onto your bed, the weight of the night pressing down on you. The ghostface costume was still crumpled in the corner, staring back at you like it knew everything you were thinking.

Billy had dropped you off not too long ago, that gentle look in his eyes still burning in your mind. The way he talked, the thing he said about love and Sidney ?—it stuck with you. You couldn’t shake it. Part of you wondered what he was really thinking, and why you kept falling deeper into this mess.

Your housephone rang, breaking the silence. You grabbed it, half-expecting it to be Tatum or Sidney, but your heart skipped a beat when you saw Billy's number flash across the screen.

''Meet me behind Stu’s place.'' his voice came through low and serious. “We need to talk.”

Your stomach flipped. Talk ? About what ? You knew better than to ask over the phone. Whatever it was, it wasn’t going to be simple. But you couldn’t ignore it either.

You arrived at the back of Stu's house, bringing your knife and mask just in case. The cool night air whispered through the trees, carrying distant sounds of laughter from the party. You saw him waiting in his ghostface costume, his mask off. He looked so devourable, as always. He noticed you walking up to him and grabbed your hand, softly to not hurt you, pulling you towards him. ''What's going on ?'' you whispered, making sure no one heard that you were sneaking around with Billy. ''Tatum and Stu are the next victims, alright ? You don't have to lift a finger. Just go and wait with Sidney for me.'' he answered.

Wait, so soon ? You thought you'd maybe get to hangout with Stu and Tatum more... You've only known them for about a few weeks but you already got attached. Stu's awful humor and Tatum's caring personality. You couldn't lie, you were going to miss it. Your gaze dropped to the ground, the weight of guilt pressing on your shoulders. You felt... guilty.

Billy noticed the guilty expression in your face. He frowned, tilting his head. ''What ? You feel bad ?'' he asked, his expression changing into a cold one. ''I thought we were in this together.'' he murmured. ''You agreed yourself, we would stick together no matter what.'' Billy added, feeling somehow betrayed. ''W-We are, it's just… they haven't really done anything to me you know ? They have been good friends.'' you said, feigning guilt. He stayed quiet for a few seconds before putting his hand on your shoulder. You look at his hand touching your shoulder. You feel his warmth rushing through your skin, feeling the way his hand grazed your shoulder.

You gulp softly before looking at him again, a slight flush on your cheeks. ''Is that why you killed Casey ? Steve ? The principal ? They haven't done anything to you right ? So just try to forget about them, you got me.'' he said, his tone genuine, but also laced with . But you couldn't help it. You loved him too much to refuse anything he asked you to do. You nodded, locking eyes with him for a short moment before both snapping out of it. Billy puts on his ghostface mask and runs to the garage.

You walk inside and push past the others to see Sidney sitting on the couch alone, zoned out and thinking to herself. You sit beside her and give her a smile, which was fake. ''Everything alright Sid ?'' you asked her just to be nice. She looked at you and smiled back. ''I have a feeling you and my boyfriend have something going on.'' she wanted to say. But she didn't like drama, so she shrugged it off, shaking her head. ''I'm okay, I'm just not fond of parties haha.'' she chuckled softly. You nodded and looked away before Sidney looked around. ''Uhmm, have you seen Billy ? or Tatum and Stu ? I cant really spot them.'' she asked you, looking just a little skeptical. ''Huh ? No, I havent seen them. Maybe they left together.'' you answered, looking as innocent as possible. Even though you were the complete opposite of that.

After a while, the party died down and people were leaving. Tatum, Stu and Billy were still nowhere to be found. And Sidney was starting to look concerned. Where could they be ? ''BOO !'' you both turned around quickly to see Billy standing behind you guys with a cheeky smirk. ''Oh, Billy, where were you ?'' Sidney chuckled as they kissed eachother hello. You rolled your eyes discreetly before smiling at Billy. Billy gave you a nod with his head as a greeting, and as a gesture. Tatum and Stu are dead.

''Hey, I kinda need to talk to you Sid. Privately.'' Billy said. Sidney’s eyes lingered on me for a moment too long, her smile faltering as if she didn’t quite know what Billy was planning. Sidney reluctantly agreed before they both went upstairs together, closing the door to the bedroom. You could feel your blood boil. What were they doing ? Why did Billy wanna be alone with HER ?! You were so close to just punching a whole in the wall. Why did he choose Sidney instead of you ? He clearly likes you more then why wont he just ask you out already ?! So many emotional questions were going through your mind you just wanted to know WHY ? You couldn't help but tear up. This couldn't be healthy. You were OBSESSED with him. About 5 minutes passed, and you heard a scream upstairs. Could it really be...?

To Be Continued...

[shiny-jr]

pardon my late message i've been letting letting the current damnation chapters sink in the past couple of days after finally taking the quiz (im am still waiting with baited breath but like in a chill way for the rest) but HOLY. MOLY.

i did indeed notice that the MC's have different morality stances, and they match their crimes (granted im still trying to figure out which one did what. cuz rn i got stuck on iago coming fraud or tax evasion, even though theyre super down with murder, but like raven is WAY more down to murder somebody. im just nit paying enough attention to figure it out, really. im having too much fun vibin)

2 THE WAY THE CHARACTERS MAY NOT START OUT ENTIRELY YANDERE FOR THE MC AND INSTEAD DEVELOP THE OBSESSION FOR THEM LATER ON 🤌🤌🤌🤌🤌🤌🤌🤌🤌🤌🤌🤌🤌🤌🤌😭😭😭😭😭 BRILLIANTBRILLIANTBRILLIANT. ok so i got heartslabyul on my first attempt so it wasnt as like "obvious" even though trey and cater are both instantly "shocked" i was like "that could just be bc our character is weird it doesnt necessarily mean they yandere switch has been flipped pshaw! 🤭" BUT THEN eventually i got to pomfiore and epel confirmed it when he was like "ive been imagining things i never did before!" and i was like "oh snap! WAIT is *THIS* part of the punishment? like not JUST being sent to another world that is based on a story, but specifically a YANDERE DEATH TRAP? 🤯🤯🤯🤯🤯🤯🤯🤯"

cuz like, sure, the MC is doing what they can to survive but depending on which one theyre fine to just vibe and let the story take its course if theyve got a good chance to survive not doing anything special. but then the story always gets WEIRD, RIGHT?! stuff always goes wrong! was that part of the vision? or am i going conspiracy crazy?

anyway AMAZING WORK. also you really fed the vil simps on that one story. i thought i was over him and content to be like rook and admire from afar but that SCENE with his hands wrapped around the retainer 🥵 i darn near short-circuited. HOW DARE YOU! (please continue 😉)

its hard to choose a favorite story in this series and i dont want to speak too soon before theyre all out. but i do have favorite bits in each of them.

and i just love the endings to them all. i love the bittersweet nature of all the endings. like none, of them are really romantic in a comforting way (duh its a yandere story) but they do vary in romance level. like by far i think riddle's azul's and vil's are the most romantic while leona and jamil are quite cold and calculating or in jamil's case mostly possessive and manipulative on the surface. it's VERY interesting.

and also bc im silly and you brought up the yandere-ness of the other characters, i start to wonder what happens next in these stories (im not asking for sequels. oh heavens no! never! unless you wanted to, but im mostly just brainstorming character relationships and potential conflicts). like in the savannaclaw story, ruggie and jack are also glued to the MC but not in a really romantic way? ruggie has that "i want to be your #2/by your side forever" which could go either way, but to me initially reads as "jack was pushing his way into MY spot and i want to guarantee he cant have it" rather than a "one day i'll deserve to be by your side romantically and for now i want to ensure i'll always have that opportunity by being next to you and a priority of yours" and then comes leona's proposal at the end, and i was thinking "uhhh but mc is by your side as consort, then ruggie gets pushed out of his spot in favor of the husband taking over. even though ruggie could still be an advisor and confidant, its still like 'move over dude theres another taking priority over you" and then that gets me wondering "what would happen if MC turned down leona? what kinda havoc would he wreak if any? does that put the village in jeopardy if he gets pissed off? what if they accept and they're STILL screwed bc he stops paying attention to the village after he gets the throne? and then the chieftain is taken into the palace and away from the village and has no way back and theyre left to basically flounder without them?"

also i really like how you end your stories with pseudo-cliffhangers? i mean they are but also the plot is mostly resolved and whatever major things that needed to happen happened. and its just the character resolutions and epilogues you dont see. its entertaining. like i said, i like to imagine what happens next and you really leave some stuff open for that.

anyway! thank you so much for sharing your stories!

Oh, for the crimes, just look at one of the questions which I believe asks what you (the quiz taker/MC) committed. Those are currently five of the seven crimes I've listed before, and each MC has committed at least ONE of them. But, they could've always committed more too.

On that other topic, of characters going yandere, one thing I hate is when reading a story and for some reason the characters are already obsessed with the MC but for absolutely no apparent reason. And me personally, I enjoy a bit of build up, which is why I try to implement some in my writing. Which can be a bit hard to do within forty pages when all these other things are happening, but I manage for the most part.

[hearts4maddison]

You read? Part 2

- Mason mount x reader

summary: You and your girls decided to have a clubbing day out. Funny enough you bump into a familiar face you’ve see before.

Warnings: Swearing,drinking and fluff.

paring: single dad-mason “Mason mount” x female!Reader

You woke up feeling good knowing tonight you would get to go out with your friends ever since holiday and ever since your interaction with mason. All the dates you had been on didn’t go so well and all your friend’s new that. That’s also the whole reason you ended up going clubbing in the first place.

Once again, you were sat there figuring out a perfect dress. You had finally made up your mind on dress and it was final. You couldn’t waste anymore time all your friends were waiting on you already.

once you met up with all of your friend’s you headed inside the club. The same old music blasting, having to walk through a crowd of dancing people just to reach the bar.

Most of your friends were already on their fourth or Fifth drink already. You had said to your self you’d take it easy didn’t want to wake up with the worst hang over of your entire life but you knew one way or another you’d end up having one drink and end up having many more.

____________

The clock had now read 7:30 Most of your friends were already wasted.you were now on your Fifth drink by now probably had more than five.One of your friends Ashley wasnt as drunk was the rest which was good.

Most of your freinds were dancing. You decided to go and freshen up in the bathroom.

You decided to tell Ashley in case she wondered where you had went “hey im going to the bathroom really quick.“ you said with a slight smile

“want me to go with you?“ She smiled back “nah you go and enjoy I'll be back in like a minute or so.“ you responded with a smile and walked to the bathroom.

____________

when you entered the bathroom the music faded. You fixed up your hair and were ready to head back out. You told yourself you'd have one more drink and then ask Ashley to drive you back home with the other girls.

As you walked back your full attention on your phone your phone you accidentally nudged someone knocking whoever's phone out of their hand.

“oh shit! I'm so sorry I wasn't looking!“ you said a lace of worried in your tone. “it's okay you didn't break my phone at least“ whoever responded had a voice you has definitely heard before.

_________

Looking up at whoever you bumped into gave you a shock “Mason!?’’ you said with a surprised tone as you got up and handed his phone back.

“Lexie? Well this took a turn“ he said scratching the back of his head you hadn't talked to mason ever since at the airport and when he spoiled that good book it still struck you that he read?.

“I didn't expect seeing you here...how are you?’’ you said trying to make some kind of small talk to ease up this awkward cconversation“oh yeah i’ve been good how are you?“ he said a small smile on his face.

“I'm good..How's Maisey?“ you said with a smile on your lips “oh she's good! did you come here alone?“ he said sounding a bit curious “oh no came here with some friends what about you didn't take you for a clubbing type“ you said with a smile on your face.

“I could say the same thing pretty lady and again I'm sorry for spoiling that book when we were at the airport“ he said with a slight chuckle “Dont worry apology accepted I guess“ you said with a smile.

“good...Anyways u know you made the best impression on masiey cuz she keeps wondering where the pretty lady from the airport went” he said with a chuckle.

“guess i just make a good impression on everyone!” You say with a laugh causing mason to let out a laugh as-well.

_________

throughout,most of the night you and mason had talked at the bar which then you guys talked and talked and talked until it was time to go home you could see Ashley gesturing to get up and go home now.

“hey it was nice bumping into you mason! but i should get going now.” You said with a smile planted on your face “nice bumping into you too i’ll definitely be telling masiey i bumped into the pretty lady again” He said with a slight laugh causing you to smile.

“Good and don’t you dare spoil another book for ever again!” you said with a fake angry tone causing mason to put his hands up in defeat and laugh “don’t worry they end up together” he said with that same cheeky smile.

“…Are you serious!! How dare you spoil it for me!” you said angry but also trying to bite the smile back “I’m sorry it funny seeing you all mad and that pout you make”he said laughing.

“I’m leaving now! Thanks alot mount!”you said fake angry at him mason just waved and headed back to his group of friends.

________

you got back in your friend Ashley car your other friend’s passed out sleeping in the back “girl what took you so long?” she said sounding curious “nothing i just bumped into someone i knew” you said resting your head on the car window.

“Omg! that cute guy who you were talking to he looked interested in you!” she said with a squeal “Oh shut it! you said with a smile “okay okay just saying” she said with a cheesy smile on her face.

your phone buzzed and as you looked at it was mason number the text message reading.

“Come to masiey birthday party? and i’ll make up for spoiling the book pretty lady.’’

__________________________________________

Ooo…A Invite wonder what’s gonna happen next…

sorry this took like months to get out i was so busy and couldn’t be asked but i’m back now! just a disclaimer this has not been proof read.

hope you enjoyed it.

@am0urjjkx

@judesluv

@almondsblog

[heavenangelly]

hi my love! hope ur doing okay!

i have a couple of questions, pls go easy on me :)

  im so scared of applying the law. ive had soo many success stories before but ive been trying to manifest 2 things for few months and kept failing, studied neville and realised it was bc i wasnt "being" it, i have all the right info but im scared ill apply and fail even tho its impossible be ill already be the person who has it. do u have any advice for that?

  "you are already that what you wish to be quote by neville, he means that infinite realities exist within us so we just choose ? could u explain that quote?

  how do you "be" it in imagination? how to identify with it? how do you shift states in the 4d? how do i occupy a state?

i have adhd so its really hard for me to focus and shift states, do u have any advice for that :(

  how can i stop feeling scared of the 3d, im scared ill change self but the 3d won't change, i tell myself its a mirror but i can't believe

  how can i feel like the operant power of my reality? so many things have happened that i didn't imagine but what i imagined didn't get reflected which makes me feel so skeptical

thank u so much, u are so wonderful. i cannot wait for ur response

Hey! I’m doing good, thanks for asking!

1. I’d suggest just doing it. The fear is going to stay there unless you conquer it and just get over it and decide to manifest what you want. Just take the leap of faith and get over your fears because just imagine how wonderful your life will be with your desires. Do it scared and eventually that feeling will melt away

2. The correct quote is, “You are already that which you wish to be, and your refusal to believe it is the only reason you do not see it.” He says this with the context of the 3d and 4d. “You are already that which you wish to be” is when you accept in imagination and instantly are and “you’re refusal to believe it is the only reason you don’t see it” is when you take the 3d into account and accept the 3d instead of imagination.

3. You’re always in a state. States pass by like lightning. One moment you’re in the state of happiness and the next you’re in the state of sadness. States are just deciding you want to feel a different type of way. In this case, it would be knowing your desires are yours. So you’d get into the wish fulfilled by deciding your desires are yours and feeling the truth of that. You can be it in imagination by shifting your awareness to having/being your desire in imagination and disregarding the old awareness

4. As stated above, states are incredibly easy to get into. You just shift your feelings/decide you are in one. And as for the adhd, you can just know your desires are yours for a fleeting moment and then get distracted again and that okay, but whenever you think about it just fulfil yourself again

5. You just have to internalise that fact. That’s what the law is. Your assumptions must become a reality. The 3ds only job is to reflect imagination so it literally cannot not change.

6. Practice using the law everyday and building up that belief in yourself

[buffyfan145]

do u have any theories on sauron x galadriel interacting bfr the finale?

tbh when i finished the ep i didnt dislike it so was a bit surprised that a lot of folks took it negatively. i understand the complaints and agree that galadriel's and sauron's relationship + individual storylines drag quite a bit but i think this ep laid the ground for galadriel to feel even more alienated/bitter about elrond and other elves and showcased even further just how shaken she is by sauron + she needed to get to adar. im massively disappointed about her lack in ep3 and probably ep5 too tho.

but when it comes to sauron/galadriel i think there is still a time to make them interact more via their minds? wasnt there a shot of sauron in s2 promo that looked exactly like the fireplace scene in s1? + adar arc is going to be the highlight imo besides the finale.

and maybe im wayyy too hopeful and delusional but the lack of haladriel + gal being too confident about where shes headed + trusting the ring too much + elrond warning her, makes me feel like her ending up with him in the finale is more likely. unless they resolve 2 seasons long character conflict in 1 fight scene ofc.

I'm with you and I enjoyed today's episode too. I don't have any issues with what we're seeing at all, and for both of them their scenes still revolve a bit around the other. It's actually more than I expected. LOL Does make me wonder though if this show was a binge release with all 8 episodes at once if those "it drags" comments would disappear. I like that it's weekly but sometimes binge releases are better especially since a lot of younger generations aren't used to waiting weekly like us older ones (I do miss the 22 to 24 eps a season almost every week).

But back to Haladriel I do think they are going to interact before that even without Nenya. It'll likely be more Sauron doing it since it seems Nenya gives Galadriel a way to do it now and he's always been able to do this as he did it in the s1 finale with her, but then I wonder if Adar is actually going to help her out and maybe teach her to do it as some think he used to be able to communicate with Sauron mentally before he "killed" him and severed their connection.

Still a chance she and Adar's storyline is in ep 2.5 though as the Battle of Eregion is in eps 6, 7, and 8, so they need an episode to set up her and Adar teaming up. I feel 6 would be too rushed if it the battle starts in that episode. She's also already wearing the same outfit she fights Sauron in, in the finale too. So I'd be pretty shocked if she's not in next week's episode.

And I agree with you that it does seem to still be a chance that Haladriel ends up together or on the same in the end and the cliffhanger to lead us into s3. I mentioned this in other posts but it does seem like they could be setting up a pattern where they spend almost all of s1 together, most of s2 apart, most of s3 together, and then he goes to Numenor after they split for good and Celeborn comes back to set up s4, and then the final battle in s5 to set up the 3rd Age/LOTR books/movies. Plans could change in case Amazon forces them to end the show early if they really are getting smaller ratings (still have to wait for the Nielsen ratings but that Samba report yesterday as scared some fans and made the haters thinking the show is getting cancelled), but it seems like this could be the 5 season plan and fit why Charlie said their relationship would be a major storyline for all 5 seasons, so it's not going to wrap up after just 2 seasons.

[spacedykez]

2, 10 and 11!

2. who's POV are you watching currently, and why?

id say my main povs are pearl and scott!! i am an avid scott watcher (i would like to apologize publically for being Pretentious about him. his characters are my all time most favorite blorbos and i DO get very "no one else gets him like i do" about them) and i love pearl!! i unfortunately dont usually watch a ton of her content outside of the life series because she makes really long videos and my adhd does NOT have the attention span for hour long videos. but i LOVE pearl shes so fun. i also do try to watch as many other people's povs as i can, which so far is bigb, martyn, and lizzie. i think that gives me a pretty good view of a good amount of what happens on the server. i don't really have the energy for too many more POVS since the videos are 40m each and its hard to focus on things for hours on end even when i enjoy them (again, adhd)

10. do you have any headcanons? or theories about the season?

traffic scott is aroallo gay and polyamorous to me this is projection i am right and i will not be providing explanation or taking criticism at this time. also not rlly a headcanon but He Would Not Fucking Be Skinny quit twinkifying him. i also hc every cscott with long hair because i think he would have long hair and ccscott is WRONG about this i like to headcanon cpearl as a lesbian and genderfluid she/it! this is Also projection. but i think that it would use it/its. this is a compliment. i just think shes neat theories: grian i will steal your socks if this watcher lore turns out to be nothing i am standing here with a corkboard and red string DO YOU SEE THIS there HAS to be a deeper meaning to this. i dont think that bigbs task for session 2 actually was unusual, it wasnt worded weirdly. scar got the same task except with players last session. i think joel got the red task this time THINK ABOUT IT GUYS. THINK ABOUT IT. IT WAS SHORT AND VAGUE AND UNSPECIFIC LIKE BIGB'S. it was unspecific in the OPPOSITE direction!! like the other tasks give you a Specific succeed/fail condition but bigb's session 1 task & joel's session 2 task are both Unspecific and Dont provide a specific succeed/fail condition!! think abt it!!

11. if you had to bet on it, how long do you think this season will last?

honestly?? the way things are going i could see this season lasting WAY longer than any past season. i could see it going into december. most* of my povs at least are very good at not taking damage and unless the tasks start getting harder it doesn't seem like it's very impossible to complete your task every week?? We'll have to wait and see but at the moment it really feels like this season could go on a while. at least 10 weeks *martyn itlw not included

follow me @trafficyuri for secret life posting btw in case youve been wondering why im not posting abt it on main

[introverted-ghost]

Hello, hyd? :)) (tw for long ask below. Feel free to ignore)

Could you help me w something, pretty please?

I need to do an informative speech for college about an "interesting" topic. So I made a list of topics and now am asking my friends what topic/s they like the most/think are the most interesting. I was hoping you could take a look and give me your opinion (no pressure tho, if you don't wanna/are bussy, whatever, it's totally okay.) Here's my list:

1. Agnes Sorel. She was King Charles VII of France mistress in the XV century. She saved France's economy and prevent a British invasion all by herself. She was so cool some painters from the time used to portray her as Virgin Mary.

2. Dance plagues.

3. Gorbals' vampire hunt. In 1954 all the children from a town in Scotland were so convinced there was a vampire killing people, that at night hundreds of them went out with axes and knives looking for the monster.

4. What would happened if the sun disappeared/what would happened if the moon disappeared.

5. Why do people like to be scared (horror movies, ghost stories, roller-coasters, extreme sports...) (like. the scientific reason.)

6. The case of a woman who went to the hospital because she had "lost her body." She could see, and feel, and move her whole body, but she felt like the left side of her body wasn't hers, as if there was a void in there. This happened after she had a brain surgery to remove a tumor.

7. Missing 411 phenomenon. I really don't know if it is like a well-known topic in North America. Here in the south almost nobody knows about it, so I think it would be cool to explain how weird all these missing cases are and how non of them has ever been solved.

In case you actually read all this, thank you v much :) have an amazing day.

(I heard about all these stories a long time ago, I could be giving some incorrect information lmao.)

FUCK MY CULMINATING IM GONNA GIVE MY INPUT

1. Wow she does sound really cool. From the information provided and what I remember from 5th grade French history agnès sorel would be pretty cool to write about

2. This is the one I know the most about out of those you’ve listed. The dancing plagues were so weird and I think it would be really interesting to write about

3. After brief research this also sounds super cool. Especially since it happened so recently and it would be so interesting to research further

4. I don’t know about this one since it’s pretty obvious what would happen. Like since we’ve seen the outcome of what happens when sun-like stars have died before. Don’t get me wrong it’s super cool I just don’t know if people would want to continue paying attention to it as much if they already knew what would happen (same with moon scenario) but they’re still really cool and interesting which is what you’re looking for

5. Once again this one is just kinda obvious as an answer. Like it triggers the brain to release dopamine and Idrk how you could expand on that. Though if you could it’d be interesting

6. I have literally never heard of this before. All the other ones I knew a bit about but I’ve never heard this before and it sounds pretty cool

7. Yeah we don’t hear much about this in Canada since it was a us thing. But I do think it’s kinda cool since they all went missing in parks right? And like their cases didn’t get solved etc. pretty neat if you ask me

This probably wasnt the answer you were looking for and I also answered this like 2hours post sending so sorry for that. And you’re never bothering me dw man I’d love to see the speech you come up with. Anyways now I’m gonna work on my stuff and listen to some guy on youtube talk about journey to the west

I hope you have a wonderful evening and best wishes to you for your speech

[fiymywings]

hollow railway of remembrance story summary/liveblog for initial stories ch 1-5

ch. 1

starts off with everyone (len, shion, hollow, and emma) discussing the request the federation (still dont know if that’s what ymkren uses) gave them which is to investigate the train thats been kidnapping people

len once again makes a comment from what i could tell being distrustful of hollow because of how he looks, and while shion and emma go to defend him, hollow says len’s response is perfectly normal given his appearances. for clarification/context, in the event story prologue he aims at hollow initially on the account of him looking like a grim reaper and uses that as his excuse when asked to apologize for aiming at him (BITING THROUGH DRYWALL BITING THROUGH DRYWALL BITING THROUGH DRYWA-)

HOLLOW... SUDDENLY APPEARS BEHIND EMMA AS SHES FIGURING OUT WHAT TO DO AFTER THEY ALL BOARDED THE TRAIN AND EVERYONE WAS EITHER SPLIT UP ON BOARDING OR SPLIT UP TO INVESTIGATE, TOUCHES HER SHOULDER AND GOES “Fooound youuu~”. HOLLOW...

HELP ME THE TWO OPTIONS ARE “COUNTERATTACK” OR “SCREAM WITH ALL YOUR HEART” NOOO

“Emma? Are you alright?” HOLLOW.

Oh my god she got so startled she fell over and Hollow offers to help her stand up afterwards Im gonna cry this is so fucked up hollow i love you dearly but with every fiber of my being i wouldve fell over too

emma expresses concern over shion and len’s whereabouts, and while worrying hollow tells her to lift her head and assures her he’ll protect her and i :sob: hes so good. i love him so much

[ Looking at Hollow’s hand he’d held out as a gentleman, I unconsciously smiled. ]

H: Oh, is there’s something the matter with my hand?

E: I remember sometime before, you held your hand out to me like that.

H: Nfu~ I remember that quite well. Though I am someone people grant the title “grim reaper” to... would you mind holding my hand once more?

E: Of course!

ch. 2

hollow reaffirms the train is no ordinary train on the basis that he’s unable to dismantle it as usual (his tool basically just bounces right off), and while they’re trying to asses the source of it’s strangeness he goes into another mini “I WANNA DISMANTLE IT!!” bit as a result of wanting to understand it thoroughly (to which emma has to remind him to calm down)

NOOOOO

“Speaking for myself, rather than such romantic place, a graveyard is more fitting for me I believe.” HOLLOW ODNT SAY THAT YOU LOOK GREAT!!!PELASE!!!!!!!!!![CAT YELL]

ah. after a mild scene jump it jumps to emma wondering what to do since they’re locked in the train and hollow’s being hollow and gushing about machine parts. i love this beast

options: “hide watch/clock behind back” / “pause speaking”

help me emma snapped him out of it and he basically goes “anyway im good now!! i was a lil frusrtated earlier but i prommy im all good now : )” and emma goes “.......the way you said it sounds So Suspicious” (i agree with her since it was essentially the same manner of speech he did in main story trying to get his mind off of the monitor) and hands him the pocket watch likely as a way to help stimulate his brain

hollow talks about how the pocketwatch radiates a gentle feel and emma says “its like your praising me in a way” and he corrects her saying “i Am praising you because it wouldnt have this feeling if it wasnt for you”

ch. 3

while investigating, they still come up blank with ways to get out, and hollow suggests they take a small break leading emma by the hand to the bed in the sleeper car. he insists emma take a nap and reassures her that he’s standing guard while emma tries to argue they should find shion and len. hollow tells her slow and steady wins the race and that they’re all trying to find each other, and emma comes to realize her exhaustion might be showing through b now

options are among the lines of “maybe thats what it seems?” and “that’s probably the case”

H. HOLLOW SAYING “hiding somewhere out of sight while holding for my breath is my specialty” IN RESPONSE TO HIM RAISING THE OPTION OF HIDING IN A CORNER OF THE ROOM TO HELP HER SLEEP... of course she objects and eventually she tries to go to bed and hollow wishes her a good ngihts rest (i am going to be saving that soundclip btw. god bless)

after hollow exclaims, emma wakes up to the traincart filled with briars and a window reflecting hollows memories back to when he was a child (around when he was 5 years old i think?). from the window a grandfather clock starts sounding, and hollow starts having an episode and while attempting to reach the clock sound, he rips the briars off which disconnect the window from his memories. it doesnt stop his episode nor does emma trying to shake him out of it, in an act of desperation, emma hands him her pocketwatch which he dismantles in his usual speed (read: Fast.) which finally snaps him out of it. i cant read who has what but i believe if im reading right emma makes eye contact with hollow who’s teary eyed from the episode (THEY RIPPED THE JOY OF THE CUTE SLEEP MOMENT OUT OF MY HANDS SO SO SO FAST THAT WAS FUCKING VILE)

ch. 4

they moved traincarts and hollow immediately apologizes to emma and starts putting it back together, options were to either praise him or just watch, most of the chapter is them talking abt what they saw and hollow feeling as if he cant really forgive himself over what happened and mulls over a scenario where he might not have been able to repair something and ruined someones memories forever to which emma insists shes really not upset and knows its not on purpose, short summary because i was still emotionally recovering from last chapter but i think i got the most important parts

ch. 5

emma asks hollow a question, more specifically about what she saw in the window. from what i can make out, she feels its her responsibility as a guild keeper to help hollow as much as she can. they start to unpack the reason behind his episodes by linking it to the past, and he lays out that his family used to live and own a clock store and the memory shown was him age 5 at the birth of what would’ve been his younger brother. however a fire broke out and his family perished, and his memory of before and after the incident are hazy + the incident left him having episodes where he’d lose control of himself (as you see in his stories) nor does he understand the guilt he feels immediately after an episode, all while holding a hand to his chest like hes trying to search for it. later on in his childhood after he was orphaned, a mechanic took him in and he ended up taking the same career path likely because he was influenced

IN SHORT. AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

[wildcatofgreen]

((hi! local catmun here. by now it has ALREADY BEEN new years about a couple hours over on my side of the world. and i wanna be a sentimental little MF for a little bit

((these past couple months. getting the chance to come to this wonderful community, to meet all these wonderful people, to make all these new friends, to make all these wonderful experiences and to share the silly little adventures of a bisexual green cat from a chinese inspired world

((it just. it warms my heart. it makes me so happy. it makes me SO fucking happy.

((i dont know how many words ive written for this blog, but i will say

((in these past couple months, from the start of this blog to now, i have overtaken the amount of pages that were on the original wildcatofgreen blog. sitting at 157 pages of content here. compared to the old blog's 121.

((121 pages that were intermixed between hiatuses and long stretches of things happening.

((it's not like i didnt have passion for the blog--i started it right before freedom planet 2 was announced. the passion was there, the dripfeeds of content filling my brain were already set in motion and i did little blurbs questioning these characters we had never heard of before

((in the old blog's canon, askal was lilac's and carol's teacher. there was this overarching plot point about askal's training with these two to make them stronger and better, just in case a new threat were to occur (([if it wasnt obvious, i was setting up for fp2, of which i thought it wouldve been coming out Soon™. lmaoing at my old self she did not even have a sliver of a guess]

((i figured out reasonable dates for lilac's, milla's and carol's birthdays by scouring ziyo-ling's deviantart for the dates the characters were originally posted! (([lilac aug 19th (([milla may 28th (though with recent revelations her birthday might as well be the-day-they-found-her] (([carol dec 27th] (([and to complete the quadrio, neera's birthday would obviously be fp1's release date--july 21st]

((back then i even imagined a weird, strained relationship between carol and her sister. i had thoughts about how shitty the scarves were. i had ideas and headcanons about a LOT of stuff [and i still have to sift through all of it at SOME POINT i SWEAR IM GONNA DO IT]

((but i think the thing that... probably got me to stop doing it in the first place was... the lack of people to do it with? the lack of people to build these stories with and to make these things happen

((this isnt to say i wasnt rping with people back then--i obviously was. there's 121 pages to prove i was. and i remember hitting the milestone of getting 200 followers on that blog. it's probably not sitting at that number anymore with all the deactivated blogs and such ((but at it's peak! i had people who wanted to interact with me. i had probably a lot of the same things i do now.

((maybe, just... i was the problem, back then. i can see it from how standoffish i was--how my rules were written, how aggressive i wrote x y and z thing. and maybe someone who goes back to look at the previous blog wont get these same vibes i get ((but youre your own worst critic, right? i know myself--i know how scared i was to be friendly with people, to show myself and to kind of... have fun with things. i still have that fear now--to be more ooc than ic. that people dont care about ooc because the blog isnt about me--it's about carol!

((i still kind of hold that philosophy. y'all ain't follow for catmun y'all followed for carol, and i dont wanna flood up my blog with a bunch of unnecessary posts, no matter how much i wanna archive that stuff and keep it for prosperity's sake it kind of feels like i flooded up the blog from what's supposed to actually be there.

((i wasnt nice to myself much. i was kinda awkward but i can forgive myself for that. its been seven-to-five years since any of that. i didnt allow myself to be... well, me.

((but now. its kind of overwhelming, to see how much love and support this little blog gets. how people who i feel i can truly call my friends are so into the things that happen here. how people can enwrap themselves into this little silly lore i have. there's this passion here from... so many people i write with. its. its exciting!!!

((ive never felt so confident about my writing. ive never felt so happy about writing. ive never felt so excited to move on with another crazy wacky thing.

((i still think long time no see dragon girl is my magnum opus on this blog--something that ive tried to build up a while through hints about lilac's thought process without actually just, letting you see as her, and stuff through carol's thought process. the moment where it hit, the moment where lilac went on her little monologue about being the scarf's princess, the moment where lilac looked at carol and asked "Would you?" is, i think, one of the best things ive written on this blog hands down. ((and that all spawned from the funny question of ''what if lilac was homophobic and gay''. like that idea was just a funny joke to myself for a while, but the more i thought about it the more i went ''this could actually be something''. ((and then i started rping with azure and their lilac obviously influenced that lilac and now the two lilacs are one in the same ((it helps that past blog's lilac didnt DO much and i didnt have these thoughts about the love angle back thing. made everything more free form now (([though tbh if i DID i could just RETCON WHATEVER I WANTED HAHAHAHA]

((that's all not to say that i dont think the other things ive written on here werent good--not at all

((the first big plot with sonarmun, that all spawned off because an anon said "get married already" (([btw anon carol is currently getting married right now because of YOU. THIS IS YOUR FAULT, WHOLEHEARTEDLY <3]

((the date night, which TOOK A WHILE TBF but it was still loads of fun ((the first bapho/carol thread, which ALSO TOOK AWHILE but is still one of my favorites ((tangle/carol interactions give me life i love these two idiots so anything with THEM ((that first lilac/carol thread with azure [that is still unfinished, i intend to go back to it SOMEDAY] with all their cute interactions and all the neat things like carol's bike being decidedly not-as-cool as it is now and lilac's earpods being SHITTY and all the other things to show just how fucking far theyve come

((those are just some notable ones but there's so many things i think are just. GOOD. so many interactions i just. LOVE.

((big RECENT highlight? the most recent lilac/carol thread--carol's little tirade took. a while to write. but it all flowed off the page. and like, reading lilac during that thread genuinely made me wanna cry

((if you want another big recent highlight its the fights in the battlesphere blitz arc--just for the fact that i was going into something i had. NO confidence in [fight scenes]. and here this was gonna be a whole fucking arc just ABOUT fight scenes, built up for WEEKS at this point. ((i was so scared to do any of it. scared to write the fights, scared to do the character interactions, scared to pull off the cordelia plot point. but the fears werent warranted--because it all came out good. ((i am especially proud of the askal fight and the second spade fight--the one AFTER zao was an asshole. i think those two are real fucking highlights and im so happy with them

((point being...! its. all of this, all of this

((it makes me so happy!!!! this is the most fun ive had in years with writing!!!! this is the most passion ive had in years with writing!!!!! this makes me wanna do it for as long as i possibly can!!!!! im so fucking happy!!!!!!

((and a lot of it, a LOT of it, is thanks to you guys

((the people who follow me and want to interact with me and want to see more of the stuff i do and more of the ideas i have and

((all of it! i

((i didnt think i could be so happy about rping. i didnt think people like this would exist, frankly.

((i wouldnt be able to do awesome EVENTS like this. i had this lingering anxiety in the back of my head that the wedding would be too imposing on other writers and i didnt want to make it this big, grand, amazing event that it should be because like

((i was scared people wouldnt be down for it

((but everyone i sent in an ask for was... totally down for it!!! and even now people are doing things and interacting and just

((im so happy. im crying. im fuckin' crying because all of this feels impossibly awesome and i dont even know what to say

((thank you, all of you, from the bottom of my heart. no matter who you are, no matter if i interact with you a lot or dont interact at all, no matter if youre just a personal blog who sometimes reads my stuff, no matter what.

((thank you so much

((i didnt think anything about making the carol blog again, other than to get some stuff done with sonar and carol, and to maybe throw a silly cat at some people

((but all of this? all of this?

((i cant express how grateful i am. i cant express how happy this really makes me feel. i cant express how glad i am to be in such an amazing community full of roleplayers. i love you all, i really, really do.

((this blog has barely been up for three months. and ive already made memories and stories i know ill keep until the end of my days.

((i cant wait to continue writing with you all. i cant wait to see what the new year will bring us. because, fuck it

((its gonna be really, really fucking fun

((EDIT 4:52am 1/1/23: HAPPY NEW YEARS. I FORGOT TO PUT THAT IN OOPS MY BAD

((i love you all. i really, really do.

((thank you.))

[tuiyla]

thank you for answering :) i wasnt sure if you were tired of this discussion hahaha

i think that it's a little strange how they wanted to make tatum the s1 leighton and tried to villainise her but then accidentally wrote her to be a little too nice to leighton earlier. had she been just a little bitchier or that they showed another scene of her not being too nice, it wouldve come across better and we wouldnt have this wtf? moment. im not sure if you're familiar with the show, but another tweet pointed out how accidentally likeable tatum is and compared the reactions to her (assumed) departure to how the reactions were to penelope from legacies (the tvd spinoff). and that kind of hit the nail on the head for me. i think it doesnt help that gracie dzienny pulls off that "mean top bitch you would root for" so well. maybe they shouldve watched her in first kill 😂

i just wonder how theyre gonna write leighton and alicia now since they sort of used up quite a bit of plot they couldve used for s3. and considering midori is on greys now, i wouldnt be surprised if they had to rip them apart just to accommodate any potential scheduling conflicts. it just feels like they shot themselves in the foot here a little. had they not write off tatum so quickly, they couldve given themselves space just in case that happens as well.

it all just feel like wasted opportunities. youre right in saying its easier for us to sit back, judge it and think we couldve done better after they already finished the job. especially considering how volatile the fate of hbo's projects are right now. but it just feels so wasted because the show already had a good chunk of people loving it and it also naturally grew this season. it couldve just been so much better, but of course we dont know what went on behind the scenes.

not that i dont deeply love the show, i really do and i get really excited every week. but if this happens again next season, then it'll just a little painful to watch subsequently because all i'll think of is how it couldve been better. and thats saying a lot considering its already quite a great show.

I’m really just missing the nuance from how Tatum was written. I mean, there is a way to have her be as supportive as she was and for her to still, ultimately, be someone who reminds Leighton too much of a version of herself she wants to change. But to pull that out of their asses and toss Tatum aside despite all the good qualities she’d been given, nah that ain’t it.

But in that sense I’m not sure Tatum was accidentally likeable. I think they cast Gracie for a reason, surely, a reason beyond that she kinda resembles Reneé Rapp. I do think the creators put enough thought into it to consider that Tatum would inevitably be likeable to many and I don’t think the intention ever was to completely villainize her. Nor would that be a good story. It’s just... there’s such a disconnect between her first three episodes and how easily she’s discarded. Once again I can only say that it was lazy writing and that’s what I find upsetting.

I’m just curious to see how Leighton’s journey continues, and I do hope they put more weight behind her social awakening in season 3. There is the question of how she can continue being with Alicia when Midori might not be available for as much as a love interest of a main character should be, but really I just care about Leighton. If they write Alicia out in episode one I am gonna be upset ngl lmao because then what was the reason? Ah well, we’ll see. I take comfort in the show’s apparently good numbers and that it was renewed for season 3 so quickly. But one can never know in today’s fragile streaming market and especially with HBO Max and their bullshit so I hope the show doesn’t alienate its audience in season 3. I fear the season 2 finale might have done some damage; valid or not is another matter, but yeah it’s tricky with audiences nowadays. But also, like you say, it is a great show and I enjoyed season 2 very much despite my criticisms, and I just wish for the pacing and other adjacent issues to improve in season 3. I feel like by the third season a series should be mature enough to have that stuff figured out.

[ramrage]

HAHAHAHAHAH my boss is such a fucking piece of work. I'm pretty sure I'm a pity nepo hire which is. well.... don't worry, though. the job is not remotely glamorous. I get paid minimum wage on which i will have to pay two (2) states tax and I spend ~20% of my daily earnings on commute, which is unnecessary bc everything i do can be done remotely but whatever fuck my time and money. oh, and it's a two-days-a-week gig. niceee.

so naturally, i am not a priority in this whole operation, which I understand and am fine with. I was brought on to like, do business development marketing shit or some other amalgamation of inane corporate buzzwords. made up shit. this includes social media and email. it's a design firm, so I just do the written copy and the Real Team makes the visuals, which makes me feel bad because they're busy and probably don't need their efforts taken away from doing real work to focus on these stupid projects.

not being a priority, i am infrequently checked on or given direction, which would be fine if they were cool with me having freedom. this is not the case. He's so fucking picky with the shit we post (because our ten followers are gonna think we're SO DUMB for X, Y, or Z) and changes a great deal of what i write, which has me wondering why im even doing this. he also likes to make these changes as close to our posting/sending time as possible. for fun, probably. don't worry--he likes to change the overall concept of the messaging so i have to rework everything and go through the stupidly labyrinthine process of getting approval in a rush. I particularly enjoy when his suggestions (nominally. they are demands.) are just. stupid. like, not good.

he seems to be under the impression that it is not only possible, but deeply intelligent, to micromanage while simultaneously giving me and my work minimal attention.

for our latest email campaign, i suggested modifying the content to work for an instagram story. just a story. to ~628 followers. we average like, less than ten likes a post. low stakes shit. to convey what we could do, i drafted up some images of a sample story.

oooh my guy did NOT like this. let me make it clear, i never suggested that we ought to post these mockups. I explicitly said they were mockups, that the designers would make the real thing, it won't be posted, it was to show how the copy would get separated between posts, etc. etc. but it didn't matter. he gave me some "stop that. focus on the copy" shit which i understand. he has told me as much when i have done similar things, but haa it's so very fun to piss him off, firstly, but also the designers are doing other shit, so if i can minimize the amount of shit they have to do, i feel inclined to do so. im probably being a jerk in this situation but i cannot say that i care.

the first time this went down, he started digging in on how my design was ugly, which it was, BECAUSE IT WAS A MOCKUP. IT WASNT SUPPOSED TO LOOK GOOD. I WAS JUST SHOWING WHICH PARTS SHOULDVE BEEN IMAGE AND WHICH SHOULDVE BEEN TEXT. AND I SAID THIS. like, does he not hear me or does he take pleasure in insulting my shit? both?

and tbh, i think this latest mockup actually looked pretty solid. the designer who ended up reworking said as much and based his shit off of what i did. maybe that's the catch? he doesn't want anything influencing what the designers do? fair enough.

anyways, i was told to wait for the reworks (duh) and when i got them, i posted it and bossman is like "uhhh??? what is this i thought we were going to do XYZ thing that we discussed." i do not recall the thing we discussed. in fact, i recall people discussing what i ended up posting, because that's why i posted the shit. but whatever. so i said something like. my bad, i misunderstood. i thought you wanted to do [what i did and the reason it was chosen] but i can change it [to do what we apparently agreed to] and i shit you not mans says "just drop it" HAHAHA WHAT?? i can be pedantic but i dont think that was one of those times. maybe i shouldve just apologized without doing anything else, but i am sort of tired of submitting to people's shit, and i wanted to make it clear that i wasnt like, being defiant, overconfident, and disregarding what he said.

im tired of this dude treating me like an idiot and like, (trying to? accidentally?) humiliating me. genuinely, truly, not even lying to myself on this, i do not need this job. i after paying for transportation, i am netting 200 gross a week from this. i am here mainly because i am complacent and lazy, but also, i wanted to stick around long enough to see ANYTHING i've made myself get finished up, and that has now happened. i dont care if i have shit lined up before i quit. i can and will find something eventually. hell, i'll sell photos of my asshole, i really am not concerned.

thx for the xp, jackass, but im gonna have to ask you to suck my dick from the back now xxxx

[can-i-make-image-descriptions]

[Image IDs: Tumblr tags. Image #1: #i literally had auditory hallucinations from age 5 to 15 #when i started getting mental health resources and put on an antipsychotic is when they stopped #it would cause me distress but i was brushed off so much

Image #2: #Yeah looking back I had my first panic attack when I was eight and it was brutal. Like asked the office to cal my parents brutal #and fuck man phobias are an anxiety disorder and fairly common in kids. I've had a severe limiting phobia since I was *two* #it just wasn't seen as important to anyone because it was such a rare phobia

Image #3: #I thought being as anxious as I was was a normal thing and everyone had panic attacks every night before bed

Image #4: #the Mental Illness set in when i was 10 (and my ass definitely had undiagnosed anxiety well before then) #but i didn't get diagnosed with anything until i was 17 or 18 and didn't get seriously treated until in my 20s

Image #5: my mom was mentally ill as a child #took her til 18 to get treatment #i was also a mentally ill child but my bipolar didnt show up properly til i was 13 #still young though and i wouldn't get diagnosed til 21 because no one would listen to me til i tried to cut off my finger in a manic ep #then they were like yah u have bipolar disorder type I rapid cycling. enjoy

Image #6: #yeah. my first attempt was at 7 years old. #somewhat comforting to know i wasnt alone

Image #7: #i was diagnosed with depression at 11-12 #the doctor said i'd clearly been suffering with it for a while at that point #my first panic attack was at around 6-7 #that's also roughly when i first started experiencing psychotic symptoms #turns out it's not normal for a child to think they're constantly being followed by invisible cameras or needing to inspect their food #in case of poisoning #keep an eye on your kids' mental health #Especially if mental illnesses run in your family

Image #8: #my depression was unironically at its worst point in my life when I was 11 years old #my mom said i was just being grumpy because we had moved recently

Image #9: this reminds me of developing schizophrenic at age 7 but not getting help for it until i was 15/16 and even then trying to get help for that #issue in particular was trying to pull teeth out with a cup of water #it was painful and i am still more than a little furious that it took almost a decade for my doctors to realize that i was sick #sorry for venting in the tags im just- we need to listen to kids more in general

Image #10: #also when you're an undiagnosed child people will chalk your behaviours up to personality #then when you continue to feel like shit into your teens and adulthood you and those around you may not realise (or believe you) #a new checkpoint for normality is set at such a young age #so something drastic has to happen to convince anyone that something is wrong #speaking from personal experience with my ed and c-ptsd

Image #11: #yep. have been anxious since i was very small and started having extremely frequent suicidal ideation at 10 #didn't get help for another 9 years after that #in part bc i learnt early that i was Not Allowed to have mental health problems. i was the baby. i was the Good One Without Problems. #so i learnt very well to internalize everything

Image #12: #i wonder what my life would be like if i got depression an anxiety treatment when they started #i think my depression started when i was around 9. i genuinely dont think there was a time i didnt have anxiety #like im not joking my first memories are anxiety #wouldve been great if they noticed the root cause (autism) but honestly if they just treated the anxiety itself #id probably be so much better. grieving the childhood i couldve had etc

Image #13: #i've spent most of my life suicidal with no improvement and nobody has ever taken me seriously #which i think has pretty effectively ruined my life

Image #14: #ya as someone whose earliest (that i remember) psychotic symptom was when i was 9? who still doent have a diagnosis at 21? #it's so annoying that no one.. listens. when a kid is mentally ill. #my friends thought i was just really creative at playing pretend which. was not helpful lol. for my mental health.

Image #15: #oh yeah i started showing symptoms of depression at age 10 and i was actively suicidal by the time i was like 11 #kids arent immune to mental illness you just want to Think that they are

Image #16: #yeah i had depression for quite literally as long as i can recall

Image #17: #yeah i.....i had anxiety since i was maybe 6 and used to have really bad panic attacks #probably had ptsd since i was 8 or 9

Image #18: #i should have been diagnosed with something at the age of five and i mean this without a shred of irony #hell even if you waited until i was nine! (when the symptoms became Much more apparent) #normal children do not have deep seated fears about the light being on in the hallway at night #nor do they write thinly veiled poems about suicide #and those two alone should have warranted some exploration by the adults in my life

Image #19: #yeah im lucky my parents got me help. However. They diagnosed me with depression. and gave me. epression medicine. When I was having anger #outburts. They took me out of it years later and very little changed

Image #20: #i started experiencing psychosis at the ripe old age of 8 #(well. that was wgen i had my first delusional episode. its likely i had experienced psychosis before then.)

Image #21: #some of my earliest memories were of trying to poison myself /End IDs]

There's this idea, fairly common in society, that mental illness is for teens and up. Children are happy little creatures, generally, right? Sometimes they're abused and the trauma can make them mentally ill, but that's not common.

There are two fundamental problems with this attitude. One, it's incorrect to assume that trauma is the only reason a young kid can be mentally ill. Two, trauma is more common than people think. I'll be covering the first problem in this post through the lens of my particular experience.

Where I live, you can be diagnosed with bipolar disorder at 18 years old. You cannot be diagnosed with bipolar disorder as a minor. This poses a problem because my age of onset was in first grade, roughly six years old. Because of the fact that I was very young and new to the world, this was also the age of my first suicide attempt. Thinking I wouldn't be able to pass a spelling test genuinely felt like something worth trying to die over. So, I ate some hemlock, since I'd read about Socrates being killed with it. Luckily, I ate western hemlock, an unrelated species, and just felt kind of sick.

I'm not recounting that for fun or pity. I'm recounting it because children with mental illness are in genuine danger because they have little to no experience with managing their emotions, have little to no concept of the idea that their life can change and improve, and are dismissed by adults. I told a teacher that the test made me want to die, though not that I'd attempted to, and it was brushed off as little kid hyperbole. If I had used a method that was effective rather than one I thought would be, I would have been dead at six years old.

I would not receive medication that worked even a bit for another two years. I would not receive treatment for bipolar disorder specifically for ten years, and that required my PCP fudging the reason for the medication because she was afraid I would die if she didn't, and diagnosis was still two years off at minimum. I received a formal diagnosis at age 19, thirteen years after onset.

But surely that's uncommon, right? This story is a huge edge case, right? I actually have no idea, because age of onset and age of diagnosis are massively conflated for most disabilities. Policies like the one in my area that restricted bipolar diagnoses by age can artificially raise the age of "onset", in my case by thirteen years. The general idea that children are somehow immune to mental illness can also delay diagnosis by several years, perpetuating the idea that young children can't be mentally ill. The data on when people start experiencing mental illness is inherently skewed upwards, and I frankly don't have a good estimate on how bad that skew is. If anyone does have that data, please chime in.

Listen to children. If they're saying they're sad all the time, that they don't care about anything, that they don't see a future for themselves, those are signs of depressive symptoms. If they say that tests make them feel sick, that they can't do anything because they're scared, that they can't breathe and freeze up, those are signs of anxious symptoms. Many children talk about imaginary things, and that's just fine, but slip in a question or two about them to make sure that the kid is just playing, and not experiencing psychosis.

Children are new to the world and vulnerable, and they don't know what's normal and what isn't. They need people who are more experienced watching out for problems they might be having, and listening when they talk about having problems. If you can, try to be the person who perceives them, and tells them that things can be better.

[kyoosoup]

reading through my old messages and vents is always a rollercoaster

some of my takeaways so far:

1. i can be proud on some counts cause in many cases i've grown or gotten better. some of my messages/vents were from very specific situations that i had either forgotten about or gotten closure to and it's weird to see?? these things that affected me daily are now just memories.

for instance the first time i got creeped on (not counting cat calls) was at work and we called the cops and stuff cause i was maybe 15?? and that really affected me and i mean i still think about it but i was a lot more paranoid back then and it was fresh yk. And im still wary now but it's not as present in my mind as it was.

another thing is how i would often be upset at myself for being lazy and having a hard time focusing and not being able to do schoolwork and burning out. and i would wonder what was wrong with me (poor little me). and now i know ! adhd! lol. my mom was confused about why i was happy to get my diagnosis when i did but for years i had been thinking that i just wasnt doing enough or trying hard enough when i didnt realize it was literally how my brain was wired. ( this was actually a very common theme in my vents thank you diagnosis)

2. sometimes i see replies from old friends and im like man. we used to be these daily presences in each others lives and really close and now we dont even speak or had falling outs. spooky???

3. i see how I myself used to type/speak too and it's weird . i am practically a different person now. the amount i feel like ive changed in the past few years alone is like . exponential compared to before. meeting new people, losing people, losing family, discovering new interests, discovering and accepting more about myself???? actually socializing lol.

4. also just some of my issues were CRAZY ??/ how did i forget that i was working 10 hour shifts back during covid. 6-4 . and then i had to go home and do school ( i couldnt focus at work). omg that was just awful how did i do that

5. whenever i look back at old stuff i am even more grateful for the friends i have now. i had friends at the time but a lot of them weren't very close as the friends i have now or the relationships weren't as healthy as they shouldve been. i often felt incredibly lonely and i can say for sure i have not felt like that in a while (at least not for long periods of time, ive probably had bad days like everyone). maybe some parts of my life now sorta suck but i haven't hated it as much because i have good people supporting me and a lot of close friends who make life well worth living. i could write about how much i love my friends for hours probably

6. omg i remember when some of my big problems were my crushes on boys . THEY WERE ONLINE CRUSHES TOO. you dont understand im actually so embarrassed for myself for like 80-90% of my past real crushes (i am not counting what i thought were crushes but i realize was just admiration or squishes/friend crushes) some people go for looks. some go for personality. somehow, 14-16 year old me chose neither. theres only one of those past crushes that i still keep in touch with and i will say he is chill and we are friends and i am not as embarrassed over that one since he wasnt a sucky person. but like i definitely liked this one guy who was not good for my mental health hahahahha woops. there were more recent embarrassing experiences for me but theyre too fresh i cant laugh at them yet without cringing

7. you know this isnt as related to the old stuff but im writing all this while once again basically forgetting i was kind of a mess earlier this year too. thank you bad memory but let me rewrite my mental history. i am only thinking about the good things this year .

Anyways i dont know why i even wrote this theres no target audience that this applies to i think i just got really bored

[solardick]

Right on script. America arms alleged neo-nazi extremists to fight russia. Again, none of their business. Saying fuck you Russia. Like a bunch of femmes. Russia runs nuclear tactic drills. Love how they’re playing me to this script. You can feel the ltgbcq vibe in it. Lol. An unevolved dark moon vibe.

Anyway. On to another card wence i get to it. Somfar the chariot, to the field, to the saint-Geirge card tun beautifully together. The tower belongs in position two. A is still the blind fool, Bv i’m not sure still maybe the high priestess. Maybe not. It’ll take a ling time.

A novel clean slate with supportive motives and room to play even though the entire known world is running everything in their power to detain such an endeavour. Preffering to keep to their satanic antics of slavery to the perverse megalomaniacal motives of superiority.

The russian basically and single handedly ended war world 2 after the world sat back and watch them lose over 20 million civilians. And now these bs news plots saying that their arming the brigade founded by neo-nazies…. Ok. Whatever. Maybe if any of this is true. They’ll slowly and persistently keep crossing all the lines they boid not to cross until the rest of the eastern world says ok. Your done. Feels awefully personal. Though missing the “annexation”. While being beaten and manipulated into states of dellirience and belligerence, though it all being olanned a long time before hand. While your own family pushed every button and treated like a pathetic low life woman. Delighting in emasculation. Of course they would it runs in the family. Generationally soeaking there has always been a family outcast treated like shit. They need it. An dit’ll probbaly be bred again in the next generation. Plus sonce theh all have hars squares on me and pluto opositions on me. Cant say any of it is my fault. I tried. They dodnt want anynof it.

Soeakign of the last several years of them playing with me. And setting me up with relations with woman beating me down while in most of the cases i dis nothing wrong. Did the right honest thing in good conscious and got punished for it regardless. Trying to make it feel like it was my fault. Cherry the exception but, i wasnt in a right mind either. So and she played her role well enough to manipulate outcomes. If it was wven her at all. While they set up and framed me into position to rape my spyche. And drug me up and beat me down when ever i started coming to again.

Wonder if my sex drive is ever coming back along with any motivation to di anything. Like pick up after myself and exersice. Not that i know whya sex is like anymore. Im pretty much the equilavent of a virgin again. And the interpersonal retardation doesnt help. But 40 years of being neglected, beaten in and owned. Doesnt leave much room for development does it. The only tiem that feelign goes away is when i take a shit and it only lasts a fee minutes. I prefee the physical violence, druggings and neglect over the psychological violence and sexual abuse. Of be like my mother, neglect and over control and the beatings, and the the phone calls after i get removed, saying i love you. Suck my balls. Inpay good money for coggarrets least you acn do is sell clean packs. Or good money on a language learning game app, and then incade it with your sickness and abuse me on that too. Calling me stupid and a woman.

Д��, ты глупый. My granmar is probably wrong. But whatever. That fucken language is impossible.

So what was said? Fuck you america right back. We got nukes. We’re a hunch of bullies too. Bring it bitch. We got more nukes than you. Bigger nukes than you. But, we font eant to use them unnecesarilty unlike you have done in the past. If your arming our enemies. Why shouldnn’t we think the same. But your enemies are far worse than we’re willing on aiding without caution. We’re just mirroring back yournown bs.

Previously paraphrased “ keep your butt loving bs out of our country.”

Тhough still have to make a deck thats still attractive to westerners. Replacing the lion with a bear on the love card. Soubds promising but, i dont know.

But if i do make card Bv into as the high priestess card. It becomes merged with the star card. And as the proestess card works is that of memory and mind. It gives you the blueprints. And fitted puzzle pieces together. And my image made already fits nicely as Bv. And as a start of a journey. But, will have to go over the fictionary and see if it fits.

See, russia couls easily arm nations already hostile to the americas and they could invade and fire upon them andvrussia will still be in the right. And able to bs back. Protected by the world laws.

But, besides takign a sympathetic view what whatnis taught to be a hostile sovereign nation is the language learning. Alot of these beginner words decontaminate alot of the curse and disdainful garbage words that have been taught by proximity and experience. Words that sounds so much like shit for example when forst heard by the russian dialect mean something else. Have significance, not negative, but ordinary everyday sounds that aren’t perversed by the negative degenerate bs of the mother tongue. Thise words lose strength in that connection and its liberating

On this account according tonthe history books. In the time frame of the tarot. The 14-15th centuries. Roughly. Maybe off. Russia went on and chnaged slightly the theological beleifs and went on saying that they are the new Jerusalem. God’s chosen people. This of course stared some nifty controversy and havoc not only inside the boarders but by many outside as well. The dialogue putin is going on about is nothing new. This dates back hundreds of years. The other connecting symbol here is the errection of a certain statue outside the walls of the kremlin. A warrior monk holding a cross and a sword. Its not by ignorance that what is being said is being said.

если какой-нибудь иностранец, как я. Comes across a history book, then a man competent enough to serve has the nations spokesperson, would know even better than i do. What reaction would result. And as for a hostile nation, this war “against ukraine” is the first time russia has deployed any military action to any significant measure since WW2. Not counting on the cold wars. And so far it seems just child play. Precision strikes aimed at the least amount of casualties while crippling infrastructure. Maybe even select people. But what doni know. Thisnis “america” the land of bs, perversion and glamour. The largest producers of fiction and make beleive on the planet. No? Who was the lasted voted president? Trump. Named after a card game? Aa telvision actor? Didn’t terminator try and run for it too? Funny. I know. That fact thatbits easier to say fiction than non-fiction… well….f

Fiction is most of my life experience. Should put it to use somehow. Tv was my parenting. My only guidance. My only source of communication. Maybe why im so perfectly in sync with whatever.

Think i found a source of thr discomfort and pain. Its my tailbbone digging into the flesh. A change in posture leading into the onset. Medsage and pushing the area away and slreping with a pollow undet my butt sermed to aoded a bit. So three different problems all in the same area symultaneousy. Probably because of the mock reality overlayering my own. That eases of the depression some.

Learning pronounciation and language by memorizing short stories.