#and im trying to avoid drama and do the dont like dont read thing

[lunar-fandom-eclipse]

Current mood: wanting to block someone so I don't have to see them being an asshole on content I like, but then if I do that I miss out on any content that's reblogged from their stuff, even if I'm subscribed to the post. If the person is involved in the chain of reblogs, the whole thing vanishes from my sight. And then I miss out on good content!

But DAMN do I not want to see anything that person says any more. I was giving them the benefit of the doubt but if anything they've gotten meaner.

[glitchinginhyperfixis]

i’m gonna be honest about something there are still things i’m afraid to post about on here bc i’m always worried about what other people think of me. so if i suddenly start rbing shit from a fandom you wouldn’t expect or a ship you don’t like, please be prepared. i’m sorry but i’m trying to practice self-care <33

[bffnf]

Haha

Me? Making things harder? Do you hear yourself?

This has happened several times with you. You, unintentionally, do something that makes me uncomfortable, and I, sometimes politely sometimes not, tell you to stop and/or tell you what to do to make me more comfortable. Every time, no matter if it was polite or not, you then proceed to AVOID the issue, DON'T do what I told you you could do, and (unintentionally?) try to guilttrip about it. I don't think I'm the one making things hard here

if you ever see this, i WAS gonna tag it, but i got distracted with other stuff…

Ok, yeah I get it, you can't really help getting distracted. I have ADHD after all, I understand. But, really? Someone is screaming and crying and begging you to tag something and you acknowledge several times of them telling you to tag it (liking and reblogging) and you only do something about it 2 HOURS LATER???

I understand getting distracted but that was such a clearly urgent thing and I was so clearly in distress, you can;t let yourself get distracted from something like that!! Especially since you clearly had the time to reblog the post telling you to tag it MULTIPLE TIMES and still didn't do it

Also, something a friend said that I think is important here

Anyway yeah sorry we're not being friends again. Somehow despite being older than me you're way less mature and I really just don't think we're compatible

Oh btw your friend who sent me an "anon" ask about this a bit ago (@eyes-shining-with-love) was a rude fuck ab it lmfao. Hope they learn this situation was NONE OF THEIR BUSINESS and it was 100% not ok of them to tell me "im in the wrong" and be so rude to me when they didn't even know anything about the situation lol. I even sent them an ask saying hey I don't think when doo asked you to tell niko about this that they meant to SEND THEM A HATE ANON and they never even acknowledged the ask (putting this here just because maybe they'll see 😜 heyyy piper ever heard of this awesome thing called Dont Be Rude To People For Drama You Only Know One Side Of?)

Um, sorry! ✨ /satire

im editing this.

if anyone tags them in this, im blocking you, so they're never gonna read any of this anyways (unless they're stalking my profile rn >:(((( )

I NEVER TOLD THEM TO SEND A HATE ANON

WHY WERE YOU TALKING ABOUT ME IN SOME RANDOM DISCORD SERVER?????

GIVE ME ONE EXAMPLE OF WHEN I TRIED TO GUILTTRIP YOU

[ourflagmeansgayrights]

i'm cry laughing some people on twitter are now saying "izzy bashing" needs to be tagged in fics. how did these people ever survive watching this show where izzy is the CANON ANTAGONIST i'll never know

benefit of the doubt but i think most of them have gotten to this point gradually. when they first watched the show they were not attached to izzy the way they are now. i know for a lot of people it was blorbo at first sight with izzy but i've also seen izzy enjoyers say they didn't like him at first, and then fandom made them care about him.

like i'm pretty sure for a lot of ppl it started off with isolating themselves from ppl who made posts that they didnt like, like ppl who criticized ofmd for being based on two real people with direct connections to actual real-world slave trade (which is an incredibly valid thing to criticize abt ofmd).

another one that i think funneled a lot of fans towards being so delusionally attached to izzy was people pointing out or complaining about the disproportionate amount of fan content for izzy compared to prominent characters of color—which is a consistent issue in fandom no matter what the media, and is also a very easy one for people to be uncomfortable with whenever they see it get pointed out. people venting that "fans care too much abt this white man" often make fans who care abt that white man very defensive right off the bat, and then rather than engage with why they feel defensive or question if maybe their enjoyment of this character is fueled by implicit bias (which it might not be, to be clear! im not saying—and i have never said—that everyone who enjoyes izzy likes him for racist reasons), they stop listening to the conversation abt white favoritism and continue blorboposting as much as they want. it's incredibly easy for fans to brush off this convo as "just starting drama" and avoid the topic altogether because "fandom is for fun!" and they dont want to think abt difficult topics like racism and implicit bias, they just want to enjoy their blorbos in peace.

so they kept narrowing the takes they were seeing until they were in an echo chamber that kept moving more and more towards complete woobification of izzy hands. these people are now looking at the show entirely through izzy's pov, making posts abt how sad it is that none of the other characters are ever nice to him, how frustrating the show is from his perspective, how it feels to be deeply in love with someone who doesn't love you back. they've stared at gifs of con's micro-expressions and read angsty fanfiction and looked at endless izzy fanart and their entire ofmd fandom experience revolves around empathizing with this one character even tho the show itself continually makes him the butt of the joke.

at this point, telling these people to rewatch the show doesn't even matter. they've spent so much time over-analyzing every single one of izzy's scenes to the point where the emotional responses they get from these scenes are not the emotional responses anyone would have watching the show for the first time. they've warped the entire first season to fit their version of the show and are forgetting how often the show itself bashes izzy.

and the icing on the cake is the trolling. there's like, one or two people on here who go around sending anon hate and leaving nasty comments on instagram posts and harassing people on twitter for... like, i would say "for liking izzy" or even "for saying positive things about izzy" but like. i've gotten these messages, and the most sympathetic i've ever been to izzy was the post i made like "maybe he's mean bc he has chronic IBS. i'd actually understand him more if that were the case." so when i get these messages it's easier for me to just laugh them off bc it's so obviously just someone trying to make me upset, but people who do care about izzy (a lot of them being the same people who avoided engaging with the "why does fandom care so much abt white characters" convo) get these absolutely horrible messages about how they deserve to get hate crimed and they should kill themselves. and these fans who didn't want to even see vaguely negative posts abt izzy bc they just want to enjoy fandom in peace are now like "im targeted for just liking a character!"

so that's how we get to people saying that "izzy bashing" needs to be tagged. never mind that their definition of "bashing" almost certainly includes things that are not bashing but are just things that contradict the way they headcannnon him.

[olderthannetfic]

https://www.tumblr.com/olderthannetfic/724520280283856896/im-gonna-be-honest-i-think-people-need-to-chill?source=share

To all those comments

Yes i do forget my cis friends pronouns. Especially when they are suddenky trying something new.

But the thing is i dont have visual indicators for alot of them, and it wouldnt matter if i did because someones looks dont determine their pronouns. All my friends are online or penpals. Sometimes i get voice but that doesnt mean shit when i cant remember who is talking half the time. Or that i remeber the persons whos talkings pronouns

Alot of my online friends have their like... Birth pronounss aswell as something else. Some of them prefer the other thing. Mate im in a discord server i cannot remember every single persons pronouns in there.

Some of my friends put their pronouns in their username. And that helps, sometimes ill remember it longer because of the repitition of seeing it. But even then i am still able to forget it. Its harder when im focusing on a game and not able to focus on remembering someones pronouns.

For my pen pals we spend so much time emailing or mailing eachother that we dont even talk about pronouns. Our own pronouns rarely ever even come up ive even had ny first one admit they forgot mine and was too afraid to ask at that point and avoided it at all costs because theyvdidntvwant to risk lossing me as a friend. It wasnt a big deal.

And you know what? They dont have so much of a problem with it as yall do. I forget things. All the time i forget things. Most of my friends also have disorders or disabilities of somekind so they understand. I just forget things.

Sometimes i have to look back at discord to see the name of whoever is talking to me. Like i said i forget peoples names.

Im sorry yall cant understand that i really do forget things.

And even then. Even if my memory werent so trash. People forget things all the time. Even people with a good memory. Sometimes you get so absorbed in something your talking too fast and focusing on something that you use the wrong pronouns for someone or who your talking to. This happens to one of my friends occasionally.

Its not a big deal. My pronouns get forgottem all the time too. Honestly i dont care personally about it becaise i prefer to be called by my name instead. Newer people get my pronouns wrong all the time. Its nit a big deal. Hell i dont even know if my sister even knows what my pronouns are.

I get that it can be frustrating. I do try. But i cannot help it if i cant remeber something.

"just ask" i do. But sometimes i dont think before i talk or think ive remebered them correctly and i get them wrong.

As someone with the worst memory on earth, you can tell whos doing it on purpose and who has actually just forgotten.

Also thanks for jumping to conclusions and getting mad because you cant comprehend the life of someone other than yourself. I have bigger problems than remembering my friends pronouns specifically. Its not like i dont try to remember them, but like with everything else i just forget them. I forget things about my long term friends because our lives and friendship dont revolve around remembering eachothers pronouns and then berating eachother for forgetting. Most of what we do is talk about games or books we read. What shops weve been going to or bad snacks we try. In between all the actaul stuff we do its normal to forget things that arent talked about.

And i prefer it like that rather than some big art discord i tried joining a while back and there was almost twice weekly drama over someone forgetting someones pronouns. That level of stress and worry over pronouns is not normal for anyone. And. Yeah some of those times it was people dping it on purpose bit most of them from what i saw was usually teenagers antagonizing others for not focusing their entire life on what pronouns they were using. Even when someone apologized it wasnt enough. It was disgusting to see and stressful.

Idk what to tell any of you.

--

Frankly, I think a lot of the disagreements are actually over what 'friends' implies.

[spilltheteawithme]

I sometimes wonder what is in some peoples head? Some extreame shippers really go down the delulu road hard. Imagine not being able to live knowing someone have different opinion than you and don't like the same people you like that you feel that you have to print all this anons and blogs to present to your favorite celeb in order to what? I guess end whole tumblr, what you think is going to happened? Some even think aw was pap without her consent and try to help her by trying to take the photos down and fight with paps. Writing this it don't sound real but it is. They really don't see that for them all talk is good talk because they are on front pages and have people interested again. Until there will not be a serious accusation that could affect the career i dont think anyone is interested that people think someone is pr, is ugly or have no style or sad acting career. There are celeb big like ts, JL or even Kim K and im sure they get more hate and this type of talk than aw but i dont think they fight with whole tumblr over this. Saying you think someone is a bad or only benefit from rs is not police case. Plus it is rich coming from people who were first one to say ale was pr, laught at her every move and post, and call the same things that aw do baiting but now aw is just supporting gf. Get a grip. I hope noone will give this 'evidence' to seb on comic con because this is just embarrassing. They really can't accept tgat in thus world are people with different opinions and when argument : you whant to sleep with seb but he will never do it is not enaught they turn into some tumblr police. Really if sev or aw team would respomd to that it is in my eyes just bad for them, they would look like someone who creep into tumblr and try to police people opinions it only would give 'haters' good laught and im sure ther would be new blogs just to make fun, more and more becouse people would fall into this drama

I think it is ridiculous and hilarious that in all his years, with the amount of fans he has, they think he doesnt know people talk both good and bad. They'll no doubt leave out the horrible things they say about his exes (women he still respects) they'll leave out their creepy detailed AWxSebastian fan fic arguments and hypocritical views thinking they're better than everyone. Seb wont even give it a second look. All the PR is paid for by both their teams, trying to get it taken down or getting upset somebody doesnt agree about the situation is not "helping" them. 🤣🤣🤣 I mean, it sort of is, as it draws attention 😅 but printing random things from blogs, drama he and most celebrities actively avoid, what do you think will happen? Hes not a school teacher or your parent, hes not going to read through squabbles and gossip, and reprimand people on all social platforms. Hes mentioned it before, to learn how to ignore because you cant control what people say on the internet. A lot of you tumblr warriors here think you're standing up for him, youre typing shit without actually thinking or caring how itll affect someone on the other end while youre off going about your day all because they have different opinions.

[goldnrry]

Fic idea I probably will never write but would love to read under the cut

(Sorry this is not a girl’s girls supporting girls concept because i like drama)

You are a fan, normal girl with a boring 9 to 5 job you hate and have an one night stand with harry by some miracle (you lifetime dream) (this is absolutely self inserted and im half embarrassed)

Maybe you meet at a bar or something or you occasionally do pilates together or you even work at his dentist office

so maybe it’s a reoccurring thing or just a one night thing

After a while you find you you are pregnant and try to talk to him but it’s hard to reach him and when you finally say fuck it and goes to his house to tell him he is already dating someone or is back with his ex he was on a break with when he got you pregnant but you tell him, very shyly now because you feel like you are ruining something and the girl is not welcoming

Alternative: he sees your dms asking to meet up and he very politely declines telling you he is with someone and you are like oh ok loosing the bravery you had to tell him, but one night you say fuck it and text “im pregnant” turns off your phone in a panic and opens you phone hours later to your inbox flooded with him

Anyways you run some tests, baby is really his and you start talking more now that you are planning on coparenting

And you actually get along really well because you share the same comedy braincells

And you try to not let it show how much you like him because he has a gf and you dont want him to be with you only because you are pregnant with his baby, but like… you have a crush obviously

But he is so gentle and protective of you, there where a few occasions where he left his gf in the middle of something to pic you up or your are no feeling well and it starts taking a tool on his relationship

Scene ideas:

first of all when finally comes to his senses he likes you and break things off with his gf he casually calls you at night asking what your craving of the day is so he can bring it to you, then he tells you he broke things of and you are like “oh are you ok what happened” he looks at you for a while before replying he realised he’d rather spend his time with you two while touching your bump

Maybe you get invited to his birthday or something with all his friends and girlfriend that is near a body of water so you have a bikini on), harry is always touching you small bump and at sone point he gives in to a intrusive tough and start pressing kisses to your belly, you stay wide eyed and frozen because thats waaaay to intimate, his girlfriend is shooting darts with her eyes and the whole party is 🫣 looking between you twi and the girlfriend but he is oblivious and maybe you gently try to call him out like “harry maybe that was too much for our situation”

Maybe he is avoiding drinking and any other drugs in support of you and his gf gets annoyed “she’s not even here with us you can have a fucking glass”

Emotional moments on doctor’s appointments and buying baby stuff

Harry telling you he will stay with you, you just have to say so to him and he will, and you are crying saying of course you want you have the biggest feelings and admiration for him and now that you got to know him you love him but you are terrified of him just being excited about the pregnancy and he will get bored of you and leave you for somebe else he develops an administration for

Idk lots of yearning and angst and tension but with an happy ending

He keeps denying for a while and staying in his relationship, but there are also moments where he blurts out things like “fuck I really want to kiss you” when he is dropping you off with his car one night and you are like obviously i do too so much, but you have a girlfriend, are you really into me or are you turned on just because i pregnant with your baby and the moment you get bored you will trade me for someone else?

And a looooooooooot of him being an aquarius man with commitment issues

And he just fucking loves watching how much you are loving being pregnant 🥹 you always have a hand on your bump making this face🥹 and you even blurt out sometimes thinks like “i look so cuuuuuute” but it breaks his heart when overheard you venting out to a friend about how much you love being pregnant but you are so sad you dont get to do this with your forever person

HE CALLS YOU MAMA IN THE CUTES MOST ENDEARED VOICE

Idk if i want the baby to be born on his birthday or for you two to be together yet buttttt he wants the baby next to him when he blow his bday candles so is either the baby in his arms or you standing next to him

[eggtwobroes]

big post explaining/apologizing for my (eggtwobroes/theyhitthepentagon) behavior under the read more

sorry for maintagging this i just. think its important

i dont really kniw how to word what im thinking so im like. going to type it as im thinking. but i wanted to make a real genuine post explaining my behavior over the past year, because ive been a dick there is no avoiding it!! this post is going to be about how ive acted from june up until now. im mostly going to be explaining the situations and apologizing. if you see this please feel free to share it around, i know it most likely will not reach alot of people because i have like. a loot of people blocked. and alot of people have me blocked. idk please share this ok thank u

back in june 2022 (specifically one year tomorrow, june 16th) i got like. really worked up after i had foundout that most of my adult mutuals (and some people i followed) were drawing hlvrai nsfw! the only post i had made about it (at least from what i remember) is liiike a not Kind post that basically said "hey if u like hlvrai nsfw please block me i thought that was common sense". after i posted this a large hlvrai artist (either by chance or caused by me) posted like "hey if u shit on hlvrai porn ur homophobic! sex is an important part of gay relationships etc etc"

this caused a Massive out break of discourse over hlvrai nsfw and me getting alot of adults in my inbox being weird towards me. here i feel its important to mention that:

when i was 12, i was around Ex Friends that posted a lot of porn of media i liked. even though most of them were teenagers and not that much older than me it Greatly Impacted Me and how i act, both related to what i saw and how i was treated

i used twitter from ages 12-15 (recently left) and you know how they handle conflict there. its not good

i dont think either of these excuse how i acted (but they may explain it)

the combined pressure of getting a bunch of adults in my anons being (from my perspective) really weird about this 14 year old kid who doesnt want porn artists to interact, and the unhealed trauma of Being Exposed To Homestuck Porn When I Was 12 (a devastating situation that everyone goes though all the time) i didnt really. handle it in a Good Way. which Means i sent horrible anon hate to people.i dont clearly remember if i made alot of public posts about the situation at the time (beyond answering the anons i was getting) but if i did im very very VERY sorry.

i feel like. alot of how i acted during this time (june-early august, mostly) was extremely Dickish and rude. as much as i justify or explain why i acted the way i did, i was still causing issues and handling the situation in a way that was unhealthy for not just myself but for everyone else around me. for this i really genuinely do apologize as much as i can, to the people ive hurt (melonsharks, xenodogz, many other artists) and to the people who were annoyed by me rehashing 3 year old drama. ever since the situation i have been working towards learning to block people and move on if they make content that makes me feel nauseous.

As for how ive acted in recent months, mostly over characterization, im not going to pretend that im already a new person. because im not! as much as i say im trying to be less of an asshole im just Not. it takes effort that i feel like im not putting in.

for those who just Dont look at my pages often enough, i will occasionally make posts about how hlvrai fans treat or characterize the. characters. and lets behonest these posts are really rude and ive been working on at LEAST being more vague or keeping it in private or like. just Not Posting it. but of course i HAVENT done all of those things! ive been really unvague!

ive posted direct screenshots of authors writing (someone younger than me, ive recently learned) to shit on it for being mischaracterized. i should Not have done that. at the very least i should have kept my thoughts to myself, not even shared with my friends.

after reading how other authors and artists have felt about the things ive said, and looking at the way ive come to think of other artists or authors in the community, ive realized that even though i thought i was targetting mischaracterization and poor treatment of the characters, i was harming and discouraging artists and authors who are still learning and growing as creators.

for this, im VERY very sorry to all of the artists and writers ive hurt or discouraged with my posts. i want to personally apologize to joyflameball, for publicly posting about and hating on your writing and the discouragement i caused as a result. i should have never put mischaracterization over your own feelings, and i definitely should not have put your work on blast, especially because we are (i think) around the same age. i will be trying as best as i can to deconstruct the way ive come to think of other creators in this community and support other creators as best i can.

i dont expect to be forgiven for the way ive acted, since alot of this is VERY very recent and so far i dont think ive shown any signs of improvement. i am writing this post now because i want you all to know that i will be trying my hardest to become a better person, change the way i think of other people, and change the way i act in public. i dont think my actions can be excused, as much as i try my best to explain them from my perspective. ive undeniably hurt many people. if i havent addressed something important, or if you have any questions/things to say, please feel free to send me an ask or dm me at wretched yaoi lich#9564 on discord. im most likely going to be queueing this post alot so my followers see it. thank u for ur time

[thephantomthiefneito]

//ooc

rp sample for a Monoma audition thing in a server i wanted to share... grin!!

I couldn't really think of much to post on here and I want to try and post things daily so here's Monoma content!! eat up!

also im liek a beginner writer if u cant tell HELP.. im actually terrible in english class but im trying and learning pls dont eat me alive

The clocked ticked over and over again, piercing the ears of the blonde boy sitting nearby. His mind was too focused to pay it any attention to that.

Neito was always so quick to be drawn into a story. His eyes danced across the page, slowly absorbing every word and subtle metaphor. It was a mystery. One of his favorite genres. Horror and drama were also on that list but never romance. He tried to avoid those kinds of books all together. Sometimes it was unavoidable when an author hides hints of romantic tension between two characters but never explicitly states it. That he can handle, Though there's been a few times when romance steals the entire plot of the story but it was oddly never mentioned in the description. It happened stupidly often and ruined tons of good books for him. But this one seemed to be different. Written by an author he didn't even recognize, he was fully immersed in the story.

He had fallen in love with the plot. A boy attacked by a villain at a young age inspires him to become a hero and get revenge on his mothers murderer is suddenly framed for murder and is forced to drop out of his school and now has to search for the culprit and simultaneously run from the cops.

Right now in the story, the main character was in a life-or-death fight with his ex best friend who was the head of the case to track him down and lock him up. It was incredibly emotional and filled with feelings of betrayal. Neito would be lying if he said he didn't get the small implications of their relationship and feelings for each other prior to this but he tried not to think to hard about it. He was enjoying this book far too much to just put it down like he does with others. He has to find out what happens next. He needs to know how—

Suddenly, Neito felt a large hand on his shoulder and quickly turned around to find the source. Kendo.. Right. He was so absorbed in his book, he completely forgot he was meant to help her with the laundry..

" Silly me! I got lost in my book.. "

He spoke in a sarcastic, shrugging his shoulders as he held up the book he had been reading. He had a smile that Kendo didn't return. She didn't look happy at all.. And her words didn't seem any happier.

"I could have used the help.."

Her scowl bore a hole into his stomach and guilt became evident on his face.

" It's not like I did it on purpose! Really! I sat down to read for twenty minutes! The exact time you said it would take for you to gather all the clothes and-"

"And?"

" Well.. I forgot. "

It's actually really embarrassing. Normally, he wasn't this forgetful. He was very observant and had a memory like no other. But he's not perfect. Even Neito Monoma can make mistakes. Kendo sighed, looking off to the side.

"It's fine. I already finished it all.. But next time you're doing it all on your own. You got that?"

" Yes Sir! "

He nodded and watched as she left, letting out a huge breath of air. Maybe it was time to take a break from reading. He doesn't want to risk forgetting about any other promises.

[nemesisvortex]

Just read most of Kamisama Kiss, spoilers for Kamisama Kiss, Howl's Moving Castle, and Fruits Basket, Inuyasha, Romantic Killer beware

I need recommendations for stuff that's basically "It was you all along"

Sofie traveling back in time and telling Howl to come for her in Howl's Moving Castle

Nanami going back in time to save Tomoe and in the process of trying to keep the timeline how she thought it happened (him falling in love with Yukiji) she creates that and he falls in love with her

It was her all along

A non-time travel variant of this can be Tohru and Kyo from Fruit's Basket, especially with the bait and switch with the hat, but like, he knew and loved her all along (not immediately in Kyo's case, but he wanted to know her if I remember correctly)

I'm a sucker for all variants of lifelong companions

Childhood best-friends who lost touch and forgot about eachother only to reunite and fall in love all over again, memories slowly returning

one or both reincarnating and finding eachother again, Inuyasha was close but I disliked how they handled Kikyo and Kagome as reincarnations, it would've been nice if they had explored more of the fact that they're the same *soul* and what that means, as is, Kikyo is so horribly different from Kagome, vindictive, cold, etc etc, its hard to believe that they're kinda the same person, you can see it a little in how loud Kagome is, as like, an extreme version of Kikyo's quiet vindictiveness, but there's just too much dissonance between the two that it feels it was only a plot point for the drama + bonus damseling Kagome for a hot minute, which dont get me wrong, love a good damsel moment, but thats just when its done well, and I dont know if I can say Inuyasha handles its damseling well

A smaller variant of this was done really well in Romantic Killer, best show, where knowledge given at the end of the show recontextualizes everything before it into a micro "it was you all along", where every action Anzu did to avoid Kazuki and the whole romantic otome game plot line actually helped him and he found himself falling in love because of it, breaking his phone on accident when his trauma was acting up so he was able to briefly recover, and not pressing him on it, avoiding him (not treating him like a piece of meat) and standing up to girls who dont care about what HE wants

Yeah, stuff that recontextualizes things works really well for this I think, like Nanami making sasamochi for Tomoe when he was sick, and we see a brief flashback of someone making him sasamochi when he was a kid, and we learn later that it was also Nanami here and he was pretending to be a kid

His favorite food is sasamochi because Nanami made it, and Nanami made it because it was his favorite food, a closed loop

Side note: Kamisama Kiss has one of my favorite portrayals of time travel ever, it makes perfect sense, doesn't hurt your brain, and makes things 10x better by recontextualizing everything you thought you knew without breaking it

But yeah, this is a really long winded way of asking if anyone has recommendations for media that fulfills this particular niche, preferably without spoiling the good stuff if I choose to read it for myself, I used a lot of examples so hopefully that gets across what im looking for

I should probably do a breakdown of what I liked so much about Kamisama Kiss, I said a lot here, but yeah

"It was you all along"

gud stuff

[jennilah]

✖️️ Is there something you don’t like about your special interest?

not so much stuff I dislike about my interest specifically, or even about my current special interest, but the tendency in fandoms when you get "too deep" to encounter more in-fandom fighting and bullying. the vilifying of others because they -checks notes on hand- like a character who is kind of a jerk or something.

and by god I try to avoid it. the fandom in-fighting is what drove me away from my last two special interests. my friends can vouch, i was terrified of getting into the slasher fandom because i dont like the way the infighting makes me feel physically ill. "this time maybe I wont draw art, I wont read fics, I wont participate in fandom" i said to them. Because, like, this one is ABOUT deplorable, evil characters doing evil things!!! i dont want people to come after me for it, obviously.

aaaand that went out the window fast, because this is just how i express my love for things. i cannot exist simply loving my special interest casually, without drawing and without seeking what other fans have created. i want to see the art, the memes, the fics. I want to see it all!

im trying my best to avoid drama but yeah. that would be my least favorite thing.

(so far so good though! in fact, the fandom has been incredible so far. everyone seems to understand that, yeah, our blorbos are evil, but we love them for it)

.............

i guess 1 specific thing i dont like about my current special interest is how nasty and vulgar they made Laurie Strode in the Rob Zombie halloween movies. I just... really didnt like her and her friends at all in those.

[s-omething]

today is january 10 in 2023 and i thought i’d be happy by now.  that i’d feel at home and alive. turns out “home” just feels like some kind of extention of myself: if i’m good, it is good. if i’m not okay, it rots with me.  it isn’t filled with friends, laughs, cries, conversations, connections. no one comes, i sit in silence most of the time, looking at nothing. i have been distant, but at some point i make all efforts i could of reaching out and i guess my heart broke, i dont think friends want anything to do with me tbh.  i cant stop my mind racing on what i might have done wrong, i came up with too many answers without proof.  i thought i’d be less lonely, not more. i believed my dogs would be happier, now it just seems like i ruined their lives with my melancholy.  i buy the food i like but i still dont feel like eating it. i still drink myself to sleep sometimes, and sometimes drinking doesn’t do it either, the anxiety stays there, turns into anger.  i don’t have fun.  i am writing this today because i’m supposed to be learning to read my feelings, understand and accept them and work on communicating them, honestly it just feels like im getting it all wrong ‘cause i take too long to make it make sense and the answer is that im making drama out of small things.  i dont understand that, considering i soothe myself, do not show much emotion, control what comes out and swallow the most of it when i need to talk about it. i try to be practical and direct so they wont have a negative reaction or judgement out of it.  i think im bending to melancholic loneliness again and it’s terrifying. i have to be careful if i get sad because if it wins over me i might not get out of bed or eat or clean, work, pay bills, take my dogs for enough walks and just end up failing.  im not supposed to fail, im supposed to be happy, im home with my dogs and i am free.  am i cursed? why isnt it working? its already been 2 months, i was supposed to be okay. cooking isn’t fun anymore, i just drag myself to do it so i dont starve or get sick. while i cook i just resent myself in the fact that i will have to actually eat it later. it makes me anxious. i dont want to cook anymore.  turns out food will rot if you dont eat it, and i hate wasting food, it makes me anxious as well.  i made everything look the best i could, decorating as id like and now i absolutely hate it, to the point i avoid looking at details too long.  i have this urge to make things disappear if im not using them, it feels like too much, like they are not only standing there in the house, but standing inside my brain occupying space i don’t have. it doesn’t take too long, if i haven’t used something in a week, it starts to haunt me.  it’s been 6 hours. i finally had some bread, i had to, i could not open the bottle because of my weak ass hands.  i should cook real food, i know that, i can’t stop thinking about it.  there’s one meal left in the fridge and then im out, no meal. but i should have eaten it yesterday, its diner time today and i still couldn’t.  being honest here, i dont miss the way things were at all, i absolutely hated it and it was hell. i do miss my friends, i miss having people around, i miss having hope and plans. i daydreamed about what future would look like, now im in that future and everything is real but turns out im still me. maybe ill just never be okay.  it’s not that im not satisfied with my accomplishments, its not its just i got here, yay.. now what? i dont want anything, thinking of wanting something makes me anxious, i dont... want to want anything.  see, if i wanted all of this and i got it and im still a sad piece of shit, what’s the point? contini tastes like my 19th birthday. i drink it and feel the exact same feeling from that april 14th in 2018. i dont want anything from the future, i dont know how to accept help cause it honestly feels like torture, i love my friends but im certain i already lost them, i only listen to one song per day, repetely  thinking of changing into something else, listening to various songs or anything like that makes me want to rip out my skin on overwhelm. should i go back to anti depressants? i hate them, i hate being numb, i hate that they don’t make me happy or sad or angry or anything but empty. i absolutely will not do without orgams.  i kinda wish someone would beat me up so i could focus on something real and not stupid feelings that are just inside my brain yet having the power to paralyze me. i just need to cook some fucking food. maybe you can’t have friends correctly if you have depression, maybe i should just cook tomorrow. 

[fxirybun]

ur words are so true!

my problem is u know when u think u sus of something but u dont know if u mind just playing a trick in u and u like nahh cause it is kinda pointless to fret abt shit that isnt affecting u but i do think things on social media has got into the minds of some ppl and they kinda let it affect them to the point u kinda just have to laugh at some of the stuff that goes on and how ingrained ppl have become into whos doing or saying what thats wrong online.

yet at the same time they do end up taking the fun out of things for some people like whenu take hate trains for certain idols ive seen so many normalise it and act like bullying is an ok thing to do and someones reply to my comment gave me the ick bc they thought it did the idol some good. i just think online spaces have got worse over time instead of improving it for those who partake in everything to do with the internet. we r definitely in some weird times bruh cause even when idols try to do things for their audiences or fans it seem like no one hardly enjoying it anymore and everythings just about overdoing it on the negativity, that id rather not look at any of it but so much is online its hard not too? we dont have no kpop stores to go to for latest things or merch in general in my area its mad how so much nowadays is based entirely on the online realm.

some of its cool ngl i enjoy some things but the drama i dont care about lol. im done getting emotional abt shit these days but thats why the k in kpop stands for kids cause kids seem to be running these online spaces or grown adults who act like kids when they come online. its like everything is just pilkng up in terms of trying to neutrally enjoy what u want to enjoy and theres ppl who want to tear it apart and make dramas scandals and controversies 24/7. i do think readings are also useful though because some of it seems to be accurate and true but its also one of those things u should still take with a grain of salt cause ppl or armies i should say be mad obsessed with bts fs lmao

yeah i get what you mean about how socmed is getting these recent years. you saw the impact of cybercrime (idk what's the right word but let me use my knowledge from the major i take '_') , especially in how cyber defamation , cyberbullying , and drama seem to dominate the conversations. it must've been frustrating for you because whilst you're aware that not everything needs to be taken seriously , it’s hard to completely avoid it when so much of kpop content and its culture exists online.

it feels like you're questioning whether it's worth getting emotionally involved in these cyberspaces anymore , notably when what was once fun or lighthearted now seems overshadowed by negativity. you've also seen how people take things to extremes , like justifying harmful behaviors towards idols or stirring up drama , and how it creates an environment where enjoying something purely feels harder. that loss of casual enjoyment , as you put it , is real , and it’s understandable why you’d want to distance yourself from it.

the fact that everything is online now , including the access to merch or updates makes it even more complicated (?). it seems to me that you can't fully disengage without missing out on things you enjoy , but you're also aware that a lot of the drama or obsession , like you mentioned with bts or other kpop groups , feels more like an unnecessary layer that takes away from what should be enjoyable.

i can also see how you're grounding yourself well enough about not to get swept up in every lil thing especially in readings. it's like you're finding ways to stay connected to what you love whilst filtering out the noise. maybe perhaps that's the key for you ( ･᷄ὢ･᷅ )嗯 ? figuring out what brings you joy in this cyberspace whilst learning how to let the unnecessary drama roll off your back.

you've seen the absurdity of some behaviors online and all i could say is to laugh at it and keep your distance from the toxicity if it feels like you're mind is being clouded by it. don't let your happiness be ruined by what's going on online (◞‸◟ )

[bittyfromquotev]

"imagine telling a minor to shut up" I dont see what you being a minor has to do with it? Being a minor doesnt excuse stuff, it just means that adults shouldnt be inappropriate with you and you should avoid adult spaces because they arent suitable for your age group. being a minor doesnt mean someone cant tell me to stfu and check my behaviour, like parents and teachers do it all the time and being a minor doesnt stop that. Like I dont agree at all with how that anon went about it because that was rude and uncalled for, but that tag confused me cause its irrelevant to being told to shut up and stop stirring the pot. They should have said it not at all like that, but yeah.

and that other post where you said they were assuming your intentions? Im not sure I understand that either. Like im glad you see how the things you say makes it sound like you wanted them to try and harrass you and how that takes away from victims, but all i read from that was that they were just calling your behaviour attention seeking which isnt assuming anything about you as a person? you dont have to know someone to see what they do and perceive it in certain ways. i think it might also be a good idea to take down posts you recognise as being said impulsively in anger once youve calmed down, cause it keeps bringing you back into drama and stuff you dont wanna be a part of and if you remove them then theres less chance of people seeing it and potentially mentioning you again, which would also be safer for you.

also i dont think its great that just because someone disagreed you immeaditdly assumed they were a gore a non or supported them, cause thats also minimising what the victims go through. if you make everything "oh must be the gore anons" then it makes the actual gore anon problem meaningless cause its thrown around so much where there isnt an actual gore anon. if everyone is a gore anon then theres no gore anons bascailly. its not nice to accuse people like that willy nilly even if you dont like them. its a serious acusation that shouldnt be taken lightly and its unfair to place blame on everyone when the victims need actual answers not wild accusations

*siiigghhhhhhh* Okay. One more time, everybody!

I honestly have no idea why I said that. Thank you for pointing out how confusing that is. I think I just said that because they were being rude as fuck and I didn’t know what to say.

I say they are assuming my intentions because with the way they worded it, they think I was doing it on purpose or really DO just want attention. While I enjoy being interacted with, I don’t want to be popular in any sense. I don’t want a bunch of random people who I haven’t talked to more than once to flood my blog honestly.

While that is a reasonable idea, I don’t feel like taking down the posts I made when I was impulsive. I think people have the right to know what I can be like when I’m emotional or under pressure. I feel like me taking down those posts would be the same as me trying to hide my ugly side. If my IRL friends and family can see that ugly side, people online can too, at least to some extent.

I didn’t say that they were probably affiliated with the Gore Anons simply because they disagreed with me. I said that because they were rude and typed in a similarly aggressive way to said Gore Anons. Not many people IN this fandom other than them are rude when disagreeing with someone. Keep in mind I also said “probably” in that post. Not “definitely”.

This has been ANOTHER “clearing things up” post.

[andnowwedance]

I stopped reading halfway through because dont come into my inbox lecturing me. I stay out of this 99.9% of the time, a look at my blog will confirm that. that one blog just happened to cross my path today and i had just enough time to point out that nonsense i didnt go looking for for shit///

Same anon who sent the ask, ignore my prior reply regarding you not reading my entire post. I was being snarky because I thought you were knee deep in his fandom and asking why everything was the way it was. I understand now you haven’t been aware of many things regarding the fandom and that’s my bad. I assumed you knew the team pr and team real crap as you were in a convo with the main pr blogs who cause drama and are labeled as delusional. I was just tired of everything going back and forth.

My ask was mainly a psa to his overall fandom as well as me venting, but it was mainly to his fandom and anyone in the team pr vs team real crap because I stupidly assumed many CE fans were on your page.

I apologize.

You had a comment stating that you were trying to understand and I call myself answering your question but with sarcasm towards his fandom. I thought you’d find the humor in it, but I suck at voicing my emotions and sarcasm.

I’m over everything but I’m sorry if I came off as attacking you. That wasn’t my intention. I was in his fandom and it just got to be too much, so again I’m sorry especially if you just ended up in the middle of stuff today all from one simple ask.

I sincerely thought you knew what’s been going on and we’re one of the other blogs arguing back and forth, but regardless I should have communicated better and read the room, again I apologize.

I do stand by avoiding all fandoms so they won’t stress you out but I think I foolishly accidentally did that.

So sorry again, you’re definitely right to avoid his fans. 😅🫣

Have a wonderful weekend!

Oh ive been in this fandom for years as I stated in some of my other replies this morning. Ive VERY aware of all of it. I appreciate the apology for being snarky though. Injust want to make it clear that i DO NOT make argue with these people. Ive done a very good job at culling them out of my internet experience. Its just that loving hadnt posted in a long time and when she does its just gift and pics so she didnt get removed during the culling and when i came across her little post i just had to point out that she was making the point she thought she was making. I have this issue where i struggle to let things pass by without comment, hence the massive culling, and strangely its often about little side things and not even the main issue. Like i would never arguing with her about weather not its fake, people’s mind are made up on that and im certainly not going to change them. My point was that the article she was presenting to demonstrate that Hollywood has lots of fake relationships wasnt actually about fake relationships it was about fake marriage ceremonies for (relatively) real couples. Thats all i was trying to point out.

I unfollowed her now fyi so that shouldn’t be happening again

[keefwho]

November 18 - 2022

8:24 AM

I feel like a bad person in general today but I’m still determined to be my best. Ruminating over everything I might have done wrong won’t help me. I can only focus on being better than I was before. 

Im trying to avoid getting in my own head. I’m making a lot of assumptions right now but I know how easily that can lead to a drastic misinterpretation of events. 

12:20 PM

God I hate disingenuous people. I have someone asking if I’m okay because I didn’t do their request from yesterday yet. It seems kind hearted on the surface but they are always kissing my ass around request time, its too obvious. Now I just feel icky knowing they might be faking concern because they just want their art. Not good on a day where I already feel kinda unwanted.

1:18 PM

I don’t know why I even journal here. At the start it was to get my feelings out so I could read them and do exercises. I guess it still is but sometimes it feels like a chore. I don’t want to just rant here because it doesn’t solve much. Usually I try to be open and honest to myself about how I’m feeling and offer myself a solution/suggestion. And I like doing it publicly because I feel no need to write something only my eyes will see. If I keep everything in, it’ll just bottle up like crazy. I always want someone to hear how I feel or at least have the potential to. I strongly doubt anyone actually reads anything here which is kind of a good thing. Its enough for me to know it’s possible. 

3:36 PM

I keep getting in these deep ruts and I keep pulling myself out of them at some point. I just want to be able to catch them sooner. 

I remembered that my self worth shouldn’t be based on who I currently am, but who I’m trying to be. What matters is that I’m always putting in effort to do good for myself and others. It’s hard to remember that sometimes because everything demands time and patience. If I keep putting in the work, little by little I’ll become a better person. I have up until this point.

The work is what matters. If I put time into anything, that means I’m on the right path. 

5:23 PM

I feel like I’m masking/constantly fighting off this feeling of giga-misery at everything wrong in my life. Like it will never go away unless I keep making progress improving things. But it takes so long to do that and the whole time I have this massive pit in my chest about it. Whenever I get into a depressing rut, its that mask deteriorating but I always manage to bring it back and chug forward. I can only hope this deep despair goes away with self improvement. 

6:42 PM

WOOF what a night already. I dont even know what to do right now or the rest of the evening. My mental stamina has just been exhausted in an uncomfortable situation. It looks like no besties will be available tonight but I don’t want to be alone. And I don’t want to hang out with just anyone, sometimes like right now I’d rather be with someone I’m extra comfortable with. I want to CHILL. I need a plan. It’ll probably be a firm drink and VRchat solo world hopping. Or more drama, who knows.