#and im still pretty proud of how the whole chapter turned out

[redr0sewrites]

some of my fav fic writers !

🥀 hi everyone!!!! i wanted to make something to show appreciation to some of my fav fic writers on here, bc as a writer myself, ive been noticing a tremendous amount of negativity and lack of interaction on fics recently. i'll probably update this list as i continue writing and existing here on Tumblr, and i'll attach it to my pinned post so people can view it whenever. its so disheartening and sad that fics aren't getting as many reblogs and interactions as they used to, and i just wanted to say that im so so proud of all of u and ur all wonderful writers!! i hope this list makes u happy, and i also hope this encourages some of my own followers to go check these people out!!

@bigfatbimbo - aaaa where do i even begin!!!! Ellie, your def one of my fav mutuals, and everything you write is always amazing!!! i love your recent gravity falls fics, along with your old hazbin fics and everything else you've written. i love the vocabulary you use in your fics, your writing style in general is actually amazing. you always make the reader so relatable, and your one of my fav dom!reader blogs!! i absolutely adore interacting with you on here, and im so so happy we became mutuals. your also incredibly funny, and your upbeat attitude always makes me happy!

@peachdues - you are so lovely and sweet!!! your genuinely so mature, and its so refreshing seeing your posts on my dash. you always have great takes, and your fics are fantastic. i love seeing all of your sneak peeks and intros to fics, and i love how much effort you put into everything you write. genuinely, you are so talented, and ive been reading ur fics since the first chapter of Into The Netherwood. your Sanemi fics in general are fantastic, and you are so talented!!

@flametrashira - FLAMEY!!!! you are another one of my favorite mutuals, and i love how much you love writing. you always seem so upbeat talking about your favorite characters, and it makes me smile whenever i see you talking about your favs on my dash. your fics and headcanons are fantastic, and i love pretty much everything you've written in all of your fandoms. seriously, you're actually so funny and sweet and you're writing is phenomenal. your always so kind and encouraging, and i love how polite and respectful you are on here.

@sniigura - AAAAA!!!! YOU ARE SO COOL!!!!! genuinely, i love seeing your fics. i am constantly thinking about collage au adam, and i love seeing your adam headcanons on my dash. never stop being you!!! seriously, i am still thinking about those siren!reader x marine biologist! adam hcs from WEEEKS ago. your writing is literally addictive, and you turned me into an even bigger adam fan then i already was. your literally so funny and i love everything you write. i love the internal monologue you include for the reader, and i genuinely relate to your reader sm! i love how much effort you put into characterization and writing as a whole, and im constantly looking forward to seeing you on my dash

@mostly-imagines - you are sooooo talented!!! everything you post has me giggling, you were one of the first Jason Todd fic writers i followed and i adore every single one of your fics. your so talented, and your fics manage to invoke so many emotions and visualizations for me. i love how descriptive your writing is, your writing style is so unique and so beautiful. i consistently find myself rereading your fics because they are some of the best i've ever read. your angst is heart wrenching, your smut is delicious, and your fluff is adorable!!! seriously never stop, your writing is amazing and you deserve the wrold!!!

@vampcubus - ive been following you for sooo long, and literally everything you write is fantastic. genuinely, you produce banger after banger and i love your writing style so much. your smut is actually so good, and its so rare to find a dom!reader blog on here. i literally devour every single one of your posts, and i love reading your fics and headcanons!!! you genuinely seem so cool, and your blog theme is AMAZINGG. i love how much effort you put into the visuals of your fics, and overall, you just seem so talented and creative.

@purple-obsidian - oh my goodness, you're literally so cool. i love your Jason Todd fics an unhealthy amount, i've been OBSESSED with Say it Back foreverrrrrr. you're actually so talented, and your writing is so descriptive it makes me go crazy!!!! i adore the way you write smut too, theres so much feeling behind it and i relate to your reader so much. you were one of the first DC writers i followed, and i love everything you write. genuinely, you are so talented. i reread all of your Arkham knight fics a lot, and i seriously admire you

@killakalx - you're literally soo talented it makes me go CRAZZYYYY- i love your fics and headcanons so much i start tweaking whenever you post something new. your dick grayson fics are fantastic, bsf!dick is literally always on my mind- same with your pheremone oil fic w jason todd, like i genuinely think about that 3-4 times per day like seriously reading it changed my brain chemistry. your writing style is soooo good, and i love everything you post. you seem so funny and chill, and i just love your blog so much!!! you are an inspiration, and i love seeing you on my dash !!!

@sanguineterrain - your fics have me DROOLING like actually you write so good- i love your interpretation of virgin!Jason and everything you write has me SCREAMINGGG. i love seeing you on my dash, and i swear every one of your Jason posts make my day. your so relatable and cool, and i scroll through your blog on the daily. everything you post is so entertaining, and i love your writing style in general!!!!

@hoodzgyal - everything you write is PHENOMENAL im not even kidding. from virgin!jason to college!dick, i adore everything you write. seeing you appear on my dash is like a holiday, and i literally adore your smut. your so talented, and your mommy kink!jason hcs actually make me go CRAZZYYY i think about them constantly!!! you have such a chill and sweet demeanor on your blog, and it's really uplifting to see on my dash. i love everything you post, and i also LOVE your theme!!! the red is genuinely so pretty and it's one of my favs. all in all, you seem soo cool, and your fics are amazing!!!!

@jasontoddproblems - i am like platonically in love with you and everything you write. your Longest Night series is actually FANTASTIC, i reread it often, and it makes me go crazy every time. the way you write Jason is actually so amazing, and i eat it up every time. i also adore your most recent fic, about Red Hood falling asleep next to you, and URGRHRHRH ITS SO CUTE. i genuinely love the reveal, and how cute and fluffy it is. i love your fics so so so much, and everything you post makes me happy. you seem so sweet and kind, and i just love seeing you on my feed!!! as a fellow jason todd enjoyer, i love your fics an unhealthy amount.

@hanasnx - you are actually so cool AND i love your theme so much its so unique!!!! from star wars to DC, literally everything you write is amazing. i LOVE your anakin skywalker and han solo fics, along with all of your jason todd, dick grayson fics, and terry mcginnis fics. your headcanons are amazingg and i actually adore your writing style. i seriously struggle to find anyone else who writes terry as well as you do, and i LOVE how you write for the batboys as well. your smut is delicious, and i seriously love seeing you on my dash. you also have some really good takes outside of writing, and i agree with you a lot as a person. you just seem like such a talented writer, and i fucking love everything you post!!!!

@uc1wa - your frat!dick hits so hard- like SERIOUSLYYY you have one of the best interpretations of him i've seen and its sooo yummy. i love your writing and headcanons so much, i actually love the way you write smut. your writing style is so descriptive, and the way you write dialogue is actually delicious. your DC fics are to die for, and i find myself scrolling through your blog a LOT lmao. seriously never stop, you are so talented and i love everything you write!!!

@chikaras-garden - you are soo aaaaaaa!!!! i love love LOVE the way you write beyond!damian, seriously those are some of my favorite fics of all time. your on eof the few fic authors i know who write for him, and your literally so good at it!!!!!!! i eat it up every single time, you are SO talented!!!! i also adore the way you write Dick and Jason, you characterize them so well and your fics are always sooo yummy. i love seeing you on my dash, literally all of your fics and thirsts are fantastic

@dayasusays - your smut fics are literally FANTASTIC- seriously, the way you incorporate dialogue is so great, and i love love LOVEEE your dick grayson fics. your welcome back fic is SO bittersweet, but also so delicious at the same time. the way you use emotions and descriptions within your writing is fantastic, and your vocabulary is so good too. your fics are all so unique, and i love your headcanons too!!!! i love all of your husband!bruce wayne hcs, they're actually soooo yummy!!!! all in all, your fics are AMAZING and i would reread your entire masterlist everyday if i could.

@ivysangel - i love your blog SOOO much its uncanny- your frat!hcs are literally my fav of all time. i think about them 24/7, 365 days a year. everything you write is SO good, like seriouslyyyyyyy i adore it. i LOVEEEEEEEEEE everything you write for dick grayson, you characterize him SO well and it makes me go crazy every single time- same for jason todd, overall you are so so talented and your fics are amazing- same with your headcanons!!! your blog is so pretty and you seem so sweet, i just love seeing you on my dash!!

@martiniluvr - you were the first DC fic blog i ever followed, and your fics are SO good- you inspired me to write for DC in the first place, and literally EVERYTHINGGG you post is actually fantastic. i fucking LOOOVE your dick grayson and jason todd nsfw alphabet, and literally everything you post is to die for. i love your DC batboys hcs in general, and your most recent fantasize hcs post?? AAHEHSJSHSJDH i was SCREAMINGG- seriously you are so so so talented and i LOVE your characterization. i also adore the way you write Bruce, and seeing you on my dash is like a wish come true.

@archangeldyke-all - ANOTHER ONE OF MY FAV MUTUALS!!! i love love LOVE all of your sevika fics, she is criminally underrated and the love of my life. we seriously need more wlw fanfic blogs on here, and your definitely one of my favs. i LOVE your fic about cockwarming sevika, i think about it OFTEN and urgrhrhrh shes just sooo pretty. i love everything you write and i devour it everytime- seriously, never stop!!!!! i do not see enough sevika x reader on here, and i love how much you write for her. seeing you on my dash makes me sosososos happy, and i just love how energetic and sweet you seem!!!!

@makethatelevenrings - your writing is phenomenal, especially the way you write for Jason Todd !!!! i LOVE your two scoops series, and also adore everything you write for Dick Grayson and DC in general. you are truly sosoososos talented and i aspire to achieve your use of descriptions and adjectives! the way you characterize the characters in your writing is just fantastic, and i've never read a fic of yours that i haven't enjoyed !

@shiggyhatesme - oh em gee ! i know i just followed you recently, but i LOVE LOVE LOOOOVEE your writing so much ! the way you invoke emotions within your writing is actually fantastic, every single time i read your fics i start to lose my marbles in the best way ! your characterization of dabi is absolutely fantastic, your probably one of my favorite writers for him, and your genuinely amazing. i also LOVE ur theme and how you make your fics so visually appealing!!!

@bbluefllame - your writing has me giggling twirling my hair and kicking my feet genuinely truly and soulfully your writing pulled me out of a writers block i didn't even know i was in !!!! i fucking LOOOVE your smau's, and your full fics/drabbles are also just so fun to read ! your characterization of touya/dabi is genuinely amazing, like one of the best ive ever seen. i also love how spirited and bright you make "y/n" in your fics, and i find your writing to just be so relatable and creative !!! you deserve sm more attention ur literally so underrated !!!

@heavysighing-dreamyeyes - i adore you- your jason todd fics ARE SOOO AMAZING it makes me begin to TWEAK !!!! your so soulful and genuine in your writing, and i love how you incorporate and convey emotions within your fics. your jason todd is just so real and raw and fantastic, and between the smut and the fluff i just adore everything you write!!!! you are so so talented and wonderful !!!

@sodapopwrites - ive never met an eris vanserra writer that didn't cook EVERY SINGLE TIMEEEE and you never fail to disappoint !!!! your first sign of fall series has actually changed my LIFE LMAO- you are so descriptive, relatable, and creative! the terminology and vocabulary you incorporate in your fics creates such an emotional and professional vibe, and you are great at describing scenarios and emotions. i can vividly picture myself in your acotar modern au's, and the characterization and bonds between characters you include in your fics is just phenomenal. you are a truly spectacular writer !!!

@accidentcache - oh my goodness gracious you are so so so talented it makes me INSANEEEE. from your smau's to your full fics, i actually adore u and everything u write !!!! ur impossibly amazingly talented and i love ur characterization of touya!!! ur touya is literally just. the realest ever. I ALSO ADORE UR TODO-SIBLINGS GC SMAU I EAT IT UP EVERY TIMEEEE and one of my personal fav fics of yours is the "pieces of me on you" fic its literally my roman empire i think about it CONSTANTLYYYY ur literally so wonderful and an incredible writer !

@suksatoru - where do i even begin aaaaa !!! u are so sweet and whimsical and i love ur writing to the moon and back. your carnations fic is always on my mind, the way u write for Touya is so soulful and beautiful it makes me want to SOB. ur characterization is incredible, and your use of both vocabulary and description is just. chefs kiss. i love ur writing soo much, pls never stop being u !!!

@corpsekiller - U ARE SO TALENTED AAHSHSJSHDJ- i love ur writing style and use of vocabulary, u make everything u write sound so eloquent and fluid and i adore it !!!! i absolutely love everything angsty that u write, it always hits so hard. I REALLY LOVE UR FIC "a knife called grief" IT ACTUALLY CONSUMES ME ON A DAILY BASIS!!! in addition to this ur literally just. so cool. i love ur theme and ur vibe u just seem so chill and IRGH ur blogs r so aesthetic i canttt

@rueclfer - oh em gee oh em gee. i swear im literally ur biggest fan ur writing is genuinely some of the best ive ever read on here !!!! i really adore how u characterize both the reader and the characters in ur writing, u make the relationships seems so real and palpable it's truly amazing. maybe i have a bias but i LOVE the way u write for shigaraki and touya, u literally have the biblically accurate characterizations of them both and i eat it up everytime. I LOVE UR CLOCKED IN/NEOPET GRAVEYARD SMAU + FIC ITS SO CUTE AND SO COMFORTING,,,,,

@bugsyonline - i literally just followed u and idk how i havent seen ur stuff before !!! ur hockey au tomura has me in a chokehold and ive been brainrotting ab it EVER SINCE U POSTED IT AJDBSJJ seriously truly soulfully U ARE SOOO TALENTED !!!! u also seem so chill and sweet, and i just love ur overall vibes !!!!

this took so long aaa- but it was worth it!!!!!!! i will be updating this as i go, and i am so so sooo sorry if i forgot anyone!!!! anyways, i hope this made some people happy, i know it made me happy!!!!! if you aren't a fic writer and are just reading this for fun, pls check these writers out!!! remember to reblog and send your fellow fic writers some love, they deserve it!!!!

[sovksluv]

GTYU2K - static chapter 1

✰ . pairing - ex!Luke Castellan x italian!fem!singer!reader smau

✰ . summary - dating an ex-frat boy was definitely not the best idea, but now that you’re only a girl he used to know, you’re making tons of money off him and his lying, cheating ass, iykwim 😉

✰ . includes - badassness, italian singer but no specified race, cussing probably, sad luke because he regrets what he did

✰ . series taglist - @sluttysammyy

✰ . pjo taglist - @perseus-jackass @niktwazny303 @st4rzl7

✰ . now playing - GTYU2K by Alexis Munroe

✰ . a/n - im not really sure how artists like talk about their new albums and stuff so taylor swift is my inspo!! also PLEASE if you haven’t, GO LISTEN TO Alexis Munroe (aka princessbri) ALSO!!! pictures do NOT depict the reader!!

✰ . series masterlist

y/ny/ln u make me sick

view all comments

larueclarisse FUUUUCK HIM !!! U DONT NEED HIM 🫶🏽❤️‍🔥

ׂ╰┈➤ y/ny/ln ridding myself of allllll the bullshit

ׂ╰┈➤ user09 ATE

missbeauregard soooo excited !!! and so proud of you lovie 💕💕

ׂ╰┈➤ y/ny/ln ilyyyy mwah mwah 💋💋

seaweedbrainbaddie um where’s my photo creds 🤨🤨🤨🤞🤞

ׂ╰┈➤ y/ny/ln no

ׂ╰┈➤ seaweedbrainbaddie yes

ׂ╰┈➤ y/ny/ln no

ׂ╰┈➤ seaweedbrainbaddie YES

ׂ╰┈➤ y/ny/ln FINE. 📸 creds to @seaweedbrainbaddie (stupid name btw)

ׂ╰┈➤ seaweedbrainbaddie thank you and FUCK YOU

ׂ╰┈➤ annab3th LANGUAGE.

view more

pipesqueak drop the album alreadyyy!! i’m dying waiting 😫

ׂ╰┈➤ y/ny/ln coming soon i promise ml 💋

ׂ╰┈➤ pipesqueak not soon enough :(

iamchris_h can’t let bro know i fw this 😣

ׂ╰┈➤ larueclarisse don’t even know why ur friends w such a loser

ׂ╰┈➤ iamchris_h we all make mistakes guys

ׂ╰┈➤ larueclarisse his dad definitely did 🥱

ׂ╰┈➤ missbeauregard CLARISSE.

hater77 she’s just obsessed with her ex like if it’s so bad why make a whole album about him LMFAO

ׂ╰┈➤ user54 ur just mad she’s making money and u aren’t 🤣

larueclarisse GIRLS NIGHT ‼️🥂❤️‍🔥 tagged: @y/ny/ln @missbeauregard @pipesqueak

view all comments

pipesqueak i had so much fun !!! 💕💕

ׂ╰┈➤ larueclarisse WE ALL NEED TO GO OUT TOGETHER AGAIN?!?&:8

ׂ╰┈➤ pipesqueak YES !

y/ny/ln holy shit i’m so hung over but at least i look good 🤷‍♀️

ׂ╰┈➤ larueclarisse only Y/n Y/ln can get full on shitfaced and still look good 😫❤️‍🔥

seaweedbrainbaddie omg guys why wasn’t i invited :(((( 💔😖

ׂ╰┈➤ y/ny/ln you’re a boy. it was girls night.

ׂ╰┈➤ larueclarisse you’re like 8??

ׂ╰┈➤ missbeauregard you would probably just complain the whole time

ׂ╰┈➤ pipesqueak you can’t even drink

ׂ╰┈➤ annab3th you’re annoying.

ׂ╰┈➤ seaweedbrainbaddie babe you weren’t even there ??

view more

itslukecastellan she looks so pretty

ׂ╰┈➤ larueclarisse boy gtfo

ׂ╰┈➤ iamchris_h Luke i can’t even defend you anymore 🤦🏽

y/ny/ln just posted a new story

view reply from larueclarisse:

larueclarisse YESSSSS IM SO EXCITED 🫶🏽🫶🏽🫶🏽🫶🏽🫶🏽

y/ny/ln my biggest supporter 💕

view reply from missbeauregard:

missbeauregard DISSIN HIM AND MAKING MONEY!!! IM SO PROUD OF YOUUUU

y/ny/ln thank you babyyyyyy <3333

view reply from cast311anbackup:

cast311anbackup i miss you

y/ny/ln leave me aloneeeee how many mf times do i have to block you.

y/ny/ln i’m not the girl that u used 2 know🤷‍♀️

comments turned off

© sovksluv 2024, please do not repost or translate my work!

[itsmarsss]

me reading the chapter actuauly

ogm omfgdsjg; d i cant this is so much blitzo constantly thinking of readers words and them lingering in his mind omg i need them to make up i cannot stand this wht he hell he think that no one will be there to cross out the o but i guarantee reader with her saggy ass and titties (as an old lady) would cross the rings to do so

him hating the weekend sfngdg i canot your depictions of him feel so in character it makes me think you are a writer for the show i cannot believe that this fic is literally changing my life (for the better) ofmfks

SEEING THAT TEY TEXTED CONSISTENLY AND IT MADE HIM NOT HATE WEEKENDS AS MUCHDSG and they made it a habit to spend the weeksends together to hate them less i cannot stnat this omsg my heart

"Maybe it’ll be in one of those days when he’ll be climbing up Stolas’ balcony and then he’ll slip and fall and break all his bones only to be found dead on the grass surrounded by ball gags and anal plugs" this took me out SO BAD lmfao i just stared at my screen like

BUT THEN IMEDDIENYL HAD TO TURN AWAY BC OF THE "PEOPLE I CARE ABOUT FOLDER"

mars when i actch you mars i will fnaf jumpscare you irl this is not it. BABRIE AND HIS MOM WHAT IF I BROKE DOWN??? THEN YOU FOLLOW IT UP WITH "blitz is a 35year old single father who kills people...But in this moment… he just wants his mama." LIKE??? HOW DARE YOU ???? THAT IS SUCH A SORE SPOT BC I FEEL LIKE CRYING EVERYTIME I HEAR AB OLD POPEL MISSING THEIR PARENTS AND IT SLIKE FUGHG crying as i think ab it actually whi cant stand this

then his thought process the whole party omg he literally just wanted an escape to not feel. i cant do this anymore him asking loona to call him dad i crided

then when they leave he pulls out his phone to draw and i jsut sdjfdg i died

NOW FOR THE CONVO WITH STOLAS?? UFHH you probably grabbed it from the many ss of their messages that are shown but still omg his immediate backtracking made me want to pull my hair out bc no thats not how you talk UGHHH

then him asking loona if she would be there when he is old and she is like "ill be there dad" i cant i fucking hate this show why would they do that to me (then he vomits)

literally me after reading blitz portion

FIZZ FIDNING READER OGM he must've felt bad bc he was liek "fuckk that was the chick with blitz and stolas oph shit fuck cock"

reader having no one other than ozzie (in that moment) to go to ufhg (get this woman some friends) and their whole convo what if i

her asking ozzie if he thinks she stupid bc blitz words are echoing in her mind just as much as hers did in his omg i need them to kiss and make up please someone grow communcation skills FUCKING

stolas message with her is so late i cant stand this i think i wills start fcrying again

also her expecting a "fuck you" message from blitz only to get something that made her feel better mars stop this

this is madness when i get you i am shaking you really hard LMFAO

anyways those are my thoughts plz tell my u times this bc idk how long this took

this is the most in-depth comment anyone's ever sent me for my writing and i actually wanna cry

every time you talk about how invested in this you are and how much you love it i feel like crying djmdjmvjfk its just like i cant believe someone would care enough to leave me THIS this is so cool and so fucking nice!!

the thing about how he used to hate weekends because it meant he'd be alone and how he stopped hating them once reader came into his life came from a little blurb thingy i never ended up posting, and i felt it fit right into this chapter!

i liked writing this one a lot because the chaos in blitzos head allowed me to be all over the place and cover a lot of different stuff at once lol it was pretty cool

whenever anyone says something abt my writing being really in character it makes me feel so proud i just get so happy that it feels like ya know im taking these characters people care so much for that they're reading fanfiction about them and writing them from my perception and its so cool to have people feel like im doing them justice!!

the death with the sex toys part was a... choice lmao i thought it'd be funny to use the way blitzo's thoughts are all over the place to convey how easily they go from dumb thoughts to really depressive ones

oh the asking loona to call him dad again was added just to hurt yall i wont make excuses its there to be evil lol

yeah the convo w stolas was mostly taken out of the texts we see in stolas' phone in western energy, but i altered a few things here and there but yeah omfg what always got me with those texts is exactly that. like hes so so desperate to have things be okay he backtracks everything he's trying to say just to not feel that blitz is mad at him

i thought i could also add the layer of blitzo beeing too drunk to reply properly which is another reason for the texts to seem so cold

and ohhh yeah the thing with fizz finding her is that its both a 'fuck what i did hurt this girl' and also that kind of 'idk what to do rn' feeling of interacting with your partner's friends who you're not close enough to to have like a real conversation with lol

yeahhh im glad it was possible to catch that lol the chapter was v blitzo centered so we go through reader's pov of things very wuickly but yeah what blitz said abt her kept echoing in her mind just as much as what she said to him did in his!!

i thought the whole 'expecting a fuck you' thing would be fun to add in considering he does consider sending her a fuck you text in the beginning of the chapter lol

and seriously i think having the doodle there instead of just a description of it made it all so much more motional thank you so so much for it!!! i hope you liked the birthday gift!!!! happy birthday babes!!!!!

[borathae]

DONE WITH ANOTHER EXAM u know what that means???

Chapter 34

fuck where is yoongi 😭😭😭kook come to ur senses please

OMG YOONGI wait did he just come because of kook, bruh we could have made out like a week ago 😔✊🏻

omg im so scared and nervous i wanna cry even tho its kook being scolded

NO DONT KILL HIM WTF YOONGI NO

“Thanks, but I can manage myself. I did so splendidly in the last two weeks” fr

He made you believe that he abandoned you. And now he is back. the entire para just summed up what we all felt Your anger feels so misplaced. Yoongi had a lot going on. After a millennia he felt again. He must have been so overwhelmed. Who knows what guilt and pain he went through those past two weeks. that is also true and idk what to feel aaaah feeling the pain of both people. DAMN U JUST PORTRAYED THAT SO WELL AND SUBTLE I DIDNT EVEN REALIZE IT

Where are those goddamn band aids FUCKING REAL U CAN NEVER FIND IT WHEN U NEED IT and u will find it in the same room, same drawer a week later 🥲

You made him turn his emotions on. It was your fault that he left in the first place. Be angry at yourself, that’s what you should do. its not exactly your fault, just a situation that had to happen

“Stupid bathroom!” you yell, throwing another cabinet closed. #justiceforcabinet2024

wow why is he so chill all of a sudden *trust issues be working on overtime

Is that what Jungkook could have too? 😭😭 yoongi pls dont leave again, i wanna be extra proud of kook

oh kook is sleeping for now (wtf i felt like a mama bird for a second there)

“Yes?” he exclaims, turning around almost excitedly. sir whats going on?? is it the emotions??? omg he is a pookie pls i love him bing bang boong forgiven already, who left for 2 weeks? nobody, idk such a thing

Now that he is so close again, you have forgotten everything you had wanted to tell him. oh it wasnt just me lol

“Doesn’t matter, I’m back now”, OK THATS IT FOLKS HE IS GOING TO LEAVE AGAIN 😭😭😭

oh a new plant 😭

Is he just staring? Oh dear. He is. PLEASE OUR SHY KITTY 😭😭

Oh how excited he sounds without even noticing that he does. 😭😭 do you want all of us to just cry every damn line? cuz u had done it

Yoongi is by your side, pretending to do the same while in reality he was looking at your face the whole time. HA SIMP ALERT (pls simp more we are simping for it)

“It’s not bad”, he agrees. You scoff, “such enthusiasm” Yoongi stumbles after you down the path, grumbling quietly. he is such a tsundere kitty i cant OFC HE LOVES HAND HOLDING NEVER LET GO

They are so bloody tiring” mood but numbness is too scary soo..

“They’re flowers, I don’t see any difference”, he grumbles, I LOVE HIM AND THE WAY YOU WRITE HIM I LOVE THEIR BICKER OVER SORRY HIS GRANDPA RUN AAAAH *watches a compilation

YOONGI BOONGI YAY HE ACCEPTED IT HAHA CUTIE PIE

“Forget it. I didn’t want to do it anyway”, i was cackling until i remembered this is how i act with mom, oh mom im sorry

YAY THEY ARE GOING GROCERY SHOPPING ALL DOMESTIC shit taehyung my baby 😭😭 THE JACKET RAAAAH

damn 1963, my mom wasnt born yet

no yoongi we dont growl here pls *blinks 😃😄😃 🫠 “he’s having a phase, please ignore him.” A PHASE STOP 😭

he is trying his hardest to stifle a laugh. THE JOKE PLS I LOVE HER HAHA guess he is going to have a hard time doing that

WE KISSED IN THE SNOW YIPEE YIPPEEE YIPPEEE YEEHAW HEE HOOO ✨🧚🏻🎆🎇💖😍🤩😻

ACCEPT THE COMPLIMENT YOONGLES YOURE A PRETTY MF GOT IT???

HOLY SHIT IT WAS A SPY DAMN WE JUST SAW A MURDER i literally just shivered

oh this time he answers her questions properly thats a difference hm

WTF OOF DAMN I - (did ever tell u that i love your writing and this bombastic story?)

It is not every day that you watch someone get beheaded or find out that someone wanted to fuck your dead body fr im still shivering and goosebumps are still there.

i love when they do vampire zoom haha

I’ve just lived long enough to have learned the skill.” Tae: 😃 ALSO IM SORRY YOONGI I LOVE THAT YOU CAME BACK but when is tae getting out?? 👉🏻👈🏻 great TAE MY BABY IM SORRY 😭😭 I CANT DO ANYTHING

“Are you manipulating me? she may or may not do that, but can she actually do that to you? yeah she cant so stop saying this

GREAT HE LEFT AGAIN WHERE ARE U NOW

i love when they talk, like everything just gets deeper, both her and him, the plot

OMG YOONGI wait did he just come because of kook, bruh we could have made out like a week ago 😔✊🏻

fjasdjf no he was genuinely in the midst of coming back when he suddenly heard the noises and then just came running 😭

He made you believe that he abandoned you. And now he is back. the entire para just summed up what we all felt Your anger feels so misplaced. Yoongi had a lot going on. After a millennia he felt again. He must have been so overwhelmed. Who knows what guilt and pain he went through those past two weeks. that is also true and idk what to feel aaaah feeling the pain of both people. DAMN U JUST PORTRAYED THAT SO WELL AND SUBTLE I DIDNT EVEN REALIZE IT

NO BUT I AM SO :( FOR BOTH OF THEM :((

You made him turn his emotions on. It was your fault that he left in the first place. Be angry at yourself, that’s what you should do. its not exactly your fault, just a situation that had to happen

the way you can see the learned guilt in her and in everything she does :(

wow why is he so chill all of a sudden *trust issues be working on overtime

I feel like he is just really nervous and trying not to scare her away with too much movement :(((

“Yes?” he exclaims, turning around almost excitedly. sir whats going on?? is it the emotions??? omg he is a pookie pls i love him bing bang boong forgiven already, who left for 2 weeks? nobody, idk such a thing

of course it's the emotions heheh <3 he is in loveeee <3

oh a new plant 😭

HE IS IN LOVEEEEEEEEEEEEE

Is he just staring? Oh dear. He is. PLEASE OUR SHY KITTY 😭😭

I LOVE HIGMMGMGM

Oh how excited he sounds without even noticing that he does. 😭😭 do you want all of us to just cry every damn line? cuz u had done it

jfasdjf me fr fjadsjfa

Yoongi is by your side, pretending to do the same while in reality he was looking at your face the whole time. HA SIMP ALERT (pls simp more we are simping for it)

HE IS SO SWEET AND CUTE AND IN LOVEEEEEE

“It’s not bad”, he agrees. You scoff, “such enthusiasm” Yoongi stumbles after you down the path, grumbling quietly. he is such a tsundere kitty i cant OFC HE LOVES HAND HOLDING NEVER LET GO

no but I love him so much!!!!!!

They are so bloody tiring” mood but numbness is too scary soo..

100% :( gosh my boongie :(

“They’re flowers, I don’t see any difference”, he grumbles, I LOVE HIM AND THE WAY YOU WRITE HIM I LOVE THEIR BICKER OVER SORRY HIS GRANDPA RUN AAAAH *watches a compilation

same same same !!! I love him so much !!!!

damn 1963, my mom wasnt born yet

lmaoa mine was like 2 and my dad 3 kfadkf

no yoongi we dont growl here pls *blinks 😃😄😃 🫠 “he’s having a phase, please ignore him.” A PHASE STOP 😭

THIS IS SO FUNNY TO ME BAHAHHAHAH

he is trying his hardest to stifle a laugh. THE JOKE PLS I LOVE HER HAHA guess he is going to have a hard time doing that

I LOVE HIM HE IS SO IN LOVEE

WE KISSED IN THE SNOW YIPEE YIPPEEE YIPPEEE YEEHAW HEE HOOO ✨🧚🏻🎆🎇💖😍🤩😻

I genuinely love this chapter so much 😭😭

HOLY SHIT IT WAS A SPY DAMN WE JUST SAW A MURDER i literally just shivered

HE IS SO COOL FOR MURDER THOUGH :)

i love when they do vampire zoom haha

lmaooa me

“Are you manipulating me? she may or may not do that, but can she actually do that to you? yeah she cant so stop saying this

I feel like she can JFAJDFJ he is way too smitten for her JFJADSFJ

i love when they talk, like everything just gets deeper, both her and him, the plot

SAME SAME SAME !!!! I LOVE THEMEEEEEE !!

[regryrth]

#drdtdevappreciation

Im so proud of how you all as a fandom handled this so well 💙 I know things are still pretty shaky in places and no one can rlly say this problem is “solved” or “forgiven” unless DRDT Dev specifically says so (which I dont mean to say they should or have to comment on anything, I know they mentioned theyre nervous and now uncomfortable interacting which I understand and accept responsibility for) But it really makes me happy to see how for the most part We’re turning something bad into appreciation. So for the fandom here. I appreciate all of you.

Even the ones who mightve gone too far. Just like me u had good or at least non malicious intent. Which turned out bad but there are still ppl who respectfully understand where youre coming from. Maybe its not wanted- But I appreciate and care for you too. I dont know how youre handling this all, But if its anything like how I did, I hope you understand nothing is ur fault just like how people have said it’s not entirely mine and not DRDT Devs. Even if it wasnt the best thing u couldve said in the moment. I understand u didnt want to harass anyone. It was a mistake made cause it’s human to act emotionaly have opinions and want to be understood with that. That can make ppl say and post things online that get deserved back-lash like I did. And the things u say can seriously hurt people like I did. I cant say how anyone else feels with everything thats happened But if Im right about everything so far. Its okay. To me at least which I guess isnt much. Even If u dont feel real remorse- You feel u were justified- But just dont want to be lectured in paregraphs over and over. Thats ok to me too. No one has to be completely justified in how they feel and it would be hyppocritical of me to say u do. And you shouldnt have to be looked at as any worse then the rest of us for stating your mind. Ur a great DRDT fan and person too and no one should claim any different for anyone. So while no one can throw around the word “forgive” for an incident that isnt ours to forgive- I “understand” u.

On a lighter note- The people who defended DRDT Dev without harassing anyone. U all acted so maturely in response to everything I honestly envy u a little. Does maturity and not making mistakes like these come one by one for you? When I make mistakes like this I feel like something with no real sense of right or wrong- Then I mess up and ppl come out to tell me where I went wrong and the “right” thing to do- And I piece together all the life lessons and “right” responses little by little until I feel safe with myself. Like a kintsugi piece. And like the cake in chapter 1! Did u have to do the same? I wonder if everyone experiences this. But thats not so relevant to appreciating you- So thank you for seeing every side. Even mine. Thank you for taking this whole situation and turning it into something good for everyone. We should talk about stuff like this more- While I still wish I hadnt posted that confession Im happy with whats been made of it- Even if the damage was still done. Because disrespecting and dehumanizing creators like DRDT Dev who put themselfs through so much to make wonderful content for us is never ok and to sweep it under the rug Like nothing ever happened is even worse. I know I requested the original post be deleted But Im ok with it being up on other blogs and posts because its important to hold stuff like this accountable and talk about it. And u guys did just that which is why Im so proud and thankful for u. This isnt a Thanksgiving dinner But u all deserve to be appreciated for doing good things too and supporting DRDT Dev.

And that brings me to who I appreciate the most- DRDT Dev. Everyone has said it so perfectly already I cant think of how to say it myself. But theyre so strong for going through all this. With their health. And going through and finding things like what I said. And other things none of us know about because they work to prioritize us over themself. And yet they still dont give up. They still keep going even with everything. They dont have to do this. But they do anyways and we should all appreciate them so much for that. Because sometimes we forget they and there team are human- I forgot that too. Doing things like my confession and taking their work for granted and other things is never ok. Im so happy we can do something to share our appreciation for DRDT, DRDT Dev and their team. Bad things and arguments and DRDT Dev being hurt by me had to happen first. I wish it didnt and that fandoms would give this much love and support to their creators without some incident happening first. But Im happy what happened let us appreciate the dev for there work now. And even if the DRDT Dev doesnt create side content anymore because of this- Its alright. They shouldnt have to push themselves past their boundaries or limits for us cause they already do so much. Even if we dont know much about them- We know enough to say theyre a wonderful person and we all love their content and them so much.

I know a lot of ppl apologized on my behalf and I suppose I wrote a longer apology to DRDT Dev and the fandom. But Ill say again as the anon themself- I am deeply sorry DRDT Dev for what I and others have said and done. I hope that you are well. And that youre able to see our appreciation through these posts.

I love you all 💙

[coffeeandcalligraphy]

Hi Rachel!

Happy belated camp by the way! I’m also participating in camp this month. I’m working to complete a first draft (or at least half 😣) of my first novel. I’ve tried to write novels in the past but always stopped after two-four chapters. Right now I’m on chapter four and I’m firm on not letting myself stop because if I do I’ll never know what I’m capable of. This pattern of stopping and quitting must end.

But as I started writing everyday— I started to notice how I feel during the process and I wanted to pick your brain about it. When you’re writing are you fully immersed in every word you put down? For me I kind of feel like I’m just getting words out. I have a decent amount of brackets at this point and it’s scaring me and my prose reads very… let’s just say Im not happy with it. But I’m not mad at the story. Im a plantser and to a certain extent I have to just let things come to me. But I can’t always wait for the inspiration. When inspiration/idea strikes I’m pretty in tune with my story even if I’m not a fan of how it’s articulate in the moment.

I feel like I’ll feel more attached to my story during revisions. I’d have learned more about my characters and world and can now tighten things up. But I’m not sure if that’s a normal process. I’m kind of worried that this means I’m not a writer. Any thoughts?

Hello! Hope Camp is going well for you! Congrats on trying to finish this novel, that's amazing!

When you’re writing are you fully immersed in every word you put down?

No! And this isn't realistic, so to address what you mentioned at the end this IS a very normal part of the process & you are absolutely still a writer. I remember when I was in grade 12, I was extremelyyyyy insecure about my visual art. I didn't call myself a visual artist, and my whole class knew about this. One of my classmates after hearing me go on and on about this turned to me one day and said "do you make art?" and I went, "yes." And they were like, "then you're an artist." And that has stuck with me since.

You NEVER have to do any one thing to *be* a writer. If you write you're a writer. Period. No shame in being proud of that!

To get back to the immersion question: no I don't feel this way. Most of the time, actually, I am very aware I'm writing and I'm not *in* that flow state. That's typical. But I've learned to actually enjoy those "meta" moments where I'm like "oh I'm writing a story." I LOVE language. Diction excites me! Syntax! My bestie! Learning to love the mechanics of writing can help in this time (though it's also just fine to be like "hmmm... I'm writing right now. I don't feel connected to the story).

Sounds like you have a great process mapped out as in you're already aware you prefer writing in the revision stage. That's normal--lots of writers feel that way. Actually, anything YOU do as a writer is normal because all writers are different. So what works, works.

Don't sweat--the first novel can be like "ahHHHH I'm writing a book!" But it's also a magical experience in that you're like "ahHHHH I'm writing a book!"

Maybe this is a hot take, but if you can, try to stop engaging with writing advice. I know I give writing advice & that this is writing advice, but the online writing advice community (me included) can make things feel like there are "right" ways to do things. There aren't. At all. There's no one path, no next step, etc, except for what YOU do.

Enjoy it!

[urlbending]

2022 Year End Fic Review

in the words of a very ancient internet joke, better nate than lever!!

1. What is your AO3 account?

My ao3 is lookatallthemoresigive, because that was my tumblr url at the time i created my ao3. I desperately need to change it but I'm having trouble coming up with a new one and am worried if i switch I'll lose brand recognition, which is hilarious bc my MO is to write a fic or two for a fandom and then bounce

2. How many words did you write total in 2022?

I wrote 8,487 published words, but i have at least 7k unpublished. There is a very long rangshi capture the avatar au that been languishing in my drafts for over six months that im hoping to finish up and post this year. I am not a particularly fast writer because i obsess over every word i use, but I've found that with practice im getting faster and better at writing more

3. How many fics did you publish in 2022? How many multichapters vs oneshots?

I published 4, which is about my usual (a couple of random scattered fics + yuletide). They're all oneshots of varying length. My new years resolution is to write 5 fics this year!! I'm holding myself to it. One day I'll write a complete multi-chapter fic, but it's not currently in the cards.

4. What was your longest fic? Your shortest fic?

Longest: a kyoshi novels fic about hei-ran, 바늘 구멍으로 하늘 보기

4,441 words that i agonized over, including the title. I'm super proud of this fic.

Shortest: your hair never falls in quite the same way, a locked tomb missing scene fic clocking in at 890 words.

I honestly had a pretty quick turnaround time writing this one. After i had a lovely and overwhelming response to a rangshi drabble in 2021, I've been trying to be better about posting fics regardless of their length. Sometimes, hitting 1k or even 500 words is not necessary to tell a story

5. What was your most popular fic? Your least popular fic?

Most popular: kiss you too hard and follow you west another quick turnaround, this is a rangshi fluff fic so i’m not surprised

Least popular: Shinrin-Yoku, my gen character study yuletide fic for a video game that came out in 2020. I'm not losing any sleep over it. Its currently at a 15% kudos to hits ratio which good!

6. What fic didn’t perform as well as you thought it would?

Listen, I died on some weird hills last year (the love interest’s mom needs more of a backstory!!!!), so any response is a good response. I guess I was secretly hoping your hair never falls would usher in an era of camilla/nona fics bc i was certain it was going to be a thing, but the book came out and crushed those dreams. I still maintain nona had a crush on cam!!

7. What fic performed way better than you thought it would?

바늘 구멍으로 하늘 보기 because as I mentioned above, it was a character centric fic focused on a minor character. glad the kyoshi novels fandom appreciates milfs!

8. What was your favorite fic you wrote from 2022?

This is turning into a whole arc. I love the nona fic dearly, it makes me happy every time i read it, but im so proud i pulled off that hei-ran fic. Writing a character arc is not easy or as instantly gratifying as making two characters kiss. I knew I was pouring my heart (research into ancient Korean tea ceremonies for half a scene! Politics! Asking @funnefatale to bug fandom friends for Korean sayings for me!) into a work that simply might not be received. Also, I finally came out to my mom around the time i was writing this for unrelated reasons, and this fic reminds me of that 💕

9. What was your favorite fic that somebody else wrote in 2022?

by land, by sea, by dirigible, @firstelevens' amazing c&d/tfatws fic which gave me everything i needed for BOTH shows. A two for one, can you believe!!

falling (for you) like snow on christmas, a warrior nun ava/bea hallmark au. I watched a lot of hallmark type christmas movies last year, and this fic delivered on the coziness these movies provide and the chemistry they usually don't. Also, it relased daily during the week leading up to christmas, corresponding to the days in the chapters, which was super fun to experience in real time.

10. Tag your friends to do this year-end fic review as well!

@funnefatale @isabrella and anyone else who wants to do this meme!

[dinofelissnow1985]

Of Birds and Butterflies

by DinofelisSnow1985

Chapter 12

The Healing Fever passed within a few days and Red got bored when he was well enough again to not sleep away the whole day.

So Sans helped him learn for the Junior High School Test he wanted to take as soon as he could.

Sans read paragraphs to him, asked questions about it to test Red's memory and understanding, and when things were confusing they looked them up together and watched educational videos online.

Red liked the history documentaries, those were easy to understand. Why historical figures acted in a certain way and why things turned out the way they did. Why kids still had to learn from dry, musty books and chew boring dates and facts while the same stuff could be quite interesting when taught orherwise, was beyond him.

When he asked Sans about it the lazy Beta couldn't give him an answer either.

Whatever.

After Red got more knowledgeable about history, geography, math and surface biology he started a pun war with Sans, that had them both in stitches after only a few minutes.

After they recovered, they fell into a comfortable silence for a moment.

Then Sans became curious.

"Hey Red. You already told us about your childhood and life. But, what about your Toriel and Asgore? I mean, when Tori came over to examine your old injuries that first time, you clearly knew who she was, but you were obviously surprised that she was the Lady behind the Ruin's door."

Red sighed, thinking. "Ever'ne knew 'bout de queen, Ass-Gore made sure 'f it. 'T's call'd prop'ganda, Sans. 'E paint'd 'er a trait'r. M' f'ckwar' 'f a broth'r swore ta fin' 'er someday, bu' if she's in da Ruins, 'e c'n keep lookin' fer 'er 'ntil k'ngdom come. Heh, serv's 'im righ'."

Sans looked a little uncomfortable. "So, he isn't just all bark and no bite in your AU, huh. Our Asgore is a big softie and ridden with guilt about killing the humans that fell into the Underground, especially since they all had been kids."

Red snorted. "Fuck no! 'E's nothin' bu' LV and br'tality beneath his shaggy fur, an' 'e is proud of ev'ry EXP 'e 'as on 'is name. 'E blames the first kid, de one dey 'dopted, fer causin' de death o' de prince.

I 'eard rumors 'bout 'im eatin' de bodies of de humans af'er 'e 'arvested deir Souls. Dun know if tha's tru tho."

...

Sans looked at Red, horrified. "That's pretty sick, you know that, Cherry pop?"

Red blushed at the nickname, but shrugged it off. "Ya, i know. Dere's a lotta whisperin' goin' on in mah world. De King go' insane from too much LV, de King's a cannib'l, eatin' other monst'rs, pris'ners, alive, 'e drinks deir blood an' Magic, 'e isn't a monst'r anymore, sooner er later 'e'll flip completely an' kill of ev'ry monst'r in de unnergroun'. Dat's de most famous ones, but dere're more, fer ev'ry monst'r in de unnergroun dere're ten rumours goin' 'round. An' when ya know de King, ya won' be able ta tell what's true and what not."

A chill ran down Sans' spine. Following a sudden, strong urge, he hugged Red and buried his face in the neckbrace. "I'm so glad you made it here," he whispered, and Red could hear how close the tears were.

He hugged Sans back as best as he could with his still healing broken shoulder and immobilized spine. He felt the other needed this.

"'T's okay, Sansy. 'M with you an' yer fam'ly now, an' i sure as hell dun plan on ev'r goin' back agin.

Heh, i take it yer King's a walkin' talkin' plush toy, when hearin' of mine rattles yer bones tha' much."

Despite being half in tears Sans couldn't help the snort-laugh that escaped him. "That's so cheesy. I should call you 'pizza'."

They remained silent for a short while, before Sans started speaking again, his face still buried in Red's uninjured shoulder. "Hey, um, that bastard... did he... you know... too?" Sans feared the answer.

"Yeah," quiet and unspectacular. "Jus' covered mah pelv'c inle' wi' a layer a Magic. Woul' i have formed anythin' 'e woulda ripped me open. S'ill almos' broke mah ass... bu' i thin' dat's too much information."

The last few words were choked out because Sans had tightened his grip on him to a crushing quality.

"Everytime i learn something new about you or your world i get more horrified by it,... and amazed by how much you have endured and survived so far. Do you have any idea, how amazing you are?"

Red felt his face grow hot at Sans' words and didn't know what to say or do.

They stayed pressed together like that, eventually falling asleep.

Feeling Sans so close soothed Red's mind and kept any nightmares away.

[hopelessromanticvirgo]

Ground Control To Us

Sobbe social media au 7.10

Chapter 7.9

18.10.2020

Robbe is late.

He is two minutes late and no matter how much that fact worries Sander, he doesn't want to make it like it's a big deal, even if it really is for him. He can definitely wait but the thought of him not showing up makes his head spin and he can't stand still. He keeps nervously shifting on his legs and looking around, wanting and waiting to catch a glimpse of Robbe's brown hair somewhere but he's not here.

Not only the weather is too hot to even breath in, the excitement and the nervousness is making him more sweaty, he keeps brushing his palms down on his jeans.

He's not proud but he changed into eight different outfits this morning, thinking nothing was good enough but when Senne got tired of saying "it looks fine. The other one looked fine too" all the time, he literally dragged and kicked him out of the apartment so he couldn't change his clothes anymore. He texted Robbe when he left the home and he wanted to text him again to let him know that he's already here but he didn't get a reply before and now he doesn't want to seem that desperate, even if he's the definition of desperation.

Sander can't think positive and is sure that Robbe changed his mind. He knew this would happen but he was hoping that one time in his life, everything would go as he planned then out but of course, the world had a very different intention.

It's been four minutes, he's definitely not coming now.

Sander doesn't want to fell that bad since he predicted it would happen but he can't help it. He feels all his hopes and dreams are crushing down and he can't do anything but to watch it unfold.

He feels extremely uncomfortable but he decide not to give up yet, so he stays, but doesn't knows for how long. 

But it doesn't really matter, since he will always stay, if there is a chance for him and Robbe to work, he's not walking away. 

Meanwhile, Sander doesn't know that Robbe has been there for more than an hour already. He couldn't stay at home, too nervous, couldn't stop pacing in his room. 

He has been staring at his watch, cursing how slow the time was going and also cursing it for going faster than he liked, he needed more time to get ready to see him, but he knew, all the time in this world, wouldn't be enough for him.

He still felt like this whole thing was a joke, somebody else pranking him, or even Sander, messing with him and using his vulnerability against him and no matter how much he didn't want to believe that, it was a possibility, he really didn't know this person as much as he thought he did. 

Maybe he was going to stood him up, watch him wait for Sander to show up for hours but a little part of him was still judging his way of thinking and wondering if Sander'd really come so he stayed. 

But all this thoughts and doubts were cleared when he saw him, walking towards the address he sent to Robbe. 

The brunet's mind shut down. It wasn't the first time he was seeing him in real life but now everything was too real. 

He came here for Robbe and that thought alone was so crazy, Robbe felt he was losing his mind. 

He was here and he was breathtaking. Robbe has no idea how he will be able to talk normally to him, without fainting or passing out. 

Robbe fortunately was sitting down closer to their destination but he was almost impossible to notice from the other side of the street since a building was keeping him from being seen. 

But he could see clearly, how Sander turned around and started look for him with his eyes, leaning against the wall with his phone in his hands. 

Robbe feels and hears his heart beating against his chest and that's the moment when he realizes that he can't do it, can't meet him.He already saw and made sure that all of this, everything they were doing, was real, now he didn't have to show up, did he?

He's sure, Sander would understand but sitting here, so close to him, watching like a stalker, seeing how worried he got and how he was looking at each person that passed by, Robbe felt extremely guilty. 

He was finally here and Robbe was doing everything to not see him personally. Wasn't this his dream? Wasn't this everything he always wanted? 

He knew he should have gotten up and walked up to him but he couldn't, so he stayed glued to that one place like a nail into a wall. 

And he waited. And watched.

The time passed, and Sander waited as well. 

But after almost 40 minutes, he gave up and looked around one more time, looking quite upset and disappointed and started walking away. 

Fire alarmed started going off in Robbe's head and before he even knew what he was doing, he was already running after him, forgetting about everything else. 

Maybe it was him, running for the chance the universe gave him and taking it. Or maybe it was him, running after Sander because he couldn't bear the thought that he made him upset and hurt him.

Maybe it was him, running because he was in love.

Whatever the reason was, it didn't matter. 

What did matter was that Robbe had some kind of power inside him and he used all of them to call out Sander's name when he was five or six feet away from him, which made the other boy stop and turn around slowly, as if he wasn't believing his ears.

And Robbe doesn't believe his ears as well.

"H-hi." He breathed out, standing so close to him now that he could see his face so clearly, see the right shade of his skin and the color of his eyes. He had to look up a little bit since he was taller than Robbe but he was here, right in front of him, looking beautiful than ever, looking more perfect than anything Robbe could imagine and he has never felt happier and more insecure than right at this moment.

"Hi." Sander answered back and Robbe felt naked under his gaze, the way he looked him up and down felt so personal and special. 

Robbe didn't know how he was still managing to stand and not collapse from his emotions. It must be the adrenaline rush.

"I'm sorry. I - " He couldn't just stay silent now, he had to say that he didn't think of leaving Sander and not showing up.

"It's alright. You don't have to explain. I thought you wouldn't come." God, his voice. Robbe got quite used to hearing his voice but hearing it now was doing things to him, making him feel weak in his legs.

"No. I was here but I couldn't find the courage to come up to you but then I saw you leaving and I couldn't let you just walk away now and I - " he stopped and finally looked up to his face. Sander was already looking at him, has never looked away from his eyes. 

"Fuck." Robbe whispered. He definitely didn't know what to say or think or do. He just turned into a stone, very emotional stone who couldn't figure out what to do to help himself relive some of the feelings he had.

"Can I hug you?" He let it slip from his mouth and watched how Sander's whole face lit up and decide that if this was the last thing he'd see, he'd gladly take the chance and never look back.

Sander took a step closer to him and put his arms around him so tightly and put him so close to his chest that Robbe could smell which type of shampoo he used and he started shaking. At first, he was numb, now somehow he forgot how to move his body muscles but then when he felt the boy put his head down on his shoulder, it just hit him, what was going on and where he was and he wrapped his arms around him quickly, his fingers clutching his shirt, trying to pull him closer and closer, breathing him in and out, afraid that he'd disappear any second now and Robbe would do anything than let him go out of his grasp.

He doesn't know how long they stayed like this but Robbe definitely wasn't complaining, he was ready to even die in this moment, when he finally got everything he ever wanted. 

He felt Sander pulling away but didn't let him, pulled him ever closer if that was even possible, which made the older boy giggle and after a while, Robbe felt his fingers slip in his hair and he closed his eyes. 

Is this what heaven felt like, since Robbe is sure, he has never felt anything like this before in his life. He felt his eyes getting wet even under his eyelids and tried to control his body and calm his self down as much as it was physically possible. 

When Robbe finally decided that they have been stuck in this position too long and no matter how much he didn't want to, he pulled away and looked at him and smiled, showing off his dimples and whispered "hi." 

Sander smiled too and shook his head a little bit, put his head down and said "hi" back after he looked up to him. 

Robbe couldn't calm down his heart beating for the rest of the day. 

29.10.2020

"They keep getting on my nerves but I've already decided. I'm continuing my art education and if they want my music career, they just have to deal with it. I'm an adult and I think I have a choice about what I want to do or not." 

They were sitting in a cafe. Cafe Sander chose and always goes to since it's more private place and not everybody can get in. They have already been here last time and now when the person at the front door told him that he already wrote Robbe's name down as another guest, aka, somebody who could just come in whenever he wanted, Robbe felt his blood got cold in his whole body in a very good way. He's getting used to it and Sander is pretty much, very helping since they have almost been seeing each other every other day, sometimes even for an hour and sometimes for the whole day. 

Sometimes Robbe would forget who he was talking to, it felt like a normal person and then it would hit him and he'd start getting nervous all over again. Sander noticed that a while ago and told him to loosen up, and Robbe is trying so hard to do so. 

"What about the albums and concerts?" The environment around them was so nice and calm, they were sitting by a small table near the window, they ordered coffee and brownies and Sander even remembered when Robbe said that he'd give up sweet coffee for him and even dared to tease him about it when the waiter came and Robbe blushed so hard that he's sure everyone there could see it, but in the end, he ordered his usual order, which made Sander smirk and Robbe changed the subject as fast as possible. 

He was listening so closely to everything he had to say, every story he told him and Sander was sharing so much with him, so openly, Robbe felt pretty special.

 Sander was doing more talking and Robbe was grateful for that, he was more interested in finding out everything sander would say to him than telling him his boring life story and no matter how much Sander tried to get him to open up, he just didn't want to, not because he didn't want to share stuff with him, quite the opposite actually, he just wanted to know more about him so they did just that. 

Robbe could see his phone lit up every second. He was suppose to meet with the guys and he felt very guilty about how much he was blowing them off to see Sander but could anyone blame him?

 "I will still continue it, just also study art you know?" He looked so passionate while talking about his art that Robbe couldn't fight off a smile on his face. 

"I think that's the best plan. You get to do what you want and everyone is happy."

Sander was looking at him with something in his eyes, Robbe couldn't explain. That gaze got stronger and stronger after their each meeting up, Robbe felt exposed and appreciated. He never wanted to make that feeling go away.

"Oh, not everybody is happy about it." That made Robbe's dumb smile freeze.

 "Are your parents still giving you hard time about it?" He chose his words carefully, didn't want to put his nose in Sander's private life more than he already has but the boy didn't seem to mind at all. 

"They are but they will get over it. Eventually." The worry was still presented on Robbe's face but when he said "at least you're happy" and saw how Sander smiled at that, he was sure, he'd never get over this boy.

This person would be the death of him and Robbe is more than ready to sign the deal with the devil. 

"Oh, I'm very happy." He gave him one of his cheesiest grin and took a sip from his coffee, and Robbe had to look away, this sight in front of him was too much to handle for his poor and fragile heart. 

He had it very, very bad but wouldn't change a thing. He smiled again, dumbfounded. 

Looked at Sander from the corner of his eyes, pretending to look out of the window, who was already staring at him.

He was always staring which made Robbe shudder under his gaze. 

That lovely, longing gaze that Robbe can't seem to run away from, not that he wants to. 

"I'm happy that you're happy." 

And he really was. Robbe was extremely happy, so happy that he felt like he'd explode. 

He tried to hide his smile by swallowing his lips but wasn't able to. 

Nothing could stop him from smiling and it was obvious. 

04.11.2020

This is a date. Or at least Sander wants it to be a date.

The thing is that he desperately wants this day to go and work out since he spent a lot of time on it.

When he first told Senne that he needed to take his car, the boy slammed his room's door right in front of his face. Sander counted that as a success. Then he mentioned it again at the dinner and when Senne realized that he was really serious, he started hysterical laughing and couldn't stop for a few minutes.

Sander has tried learning how to drive in the past.

Tried but failed.

Then he tried again, and also failed and realized, the car just wasn't for him. But after he saw what was on the theaters and also sent Robbe the name of the film and he said that he has been waiting for this movie to come out for some time now, it was already decided, Sander would try it again one more time.

Senne didn't agree with him and he didn't have time to take private driving lessons so after he literally begged and kneeled for him, his friend finally gave in. But when he found out that he had to learn how to drive properly in less than a week, he threw him out of the car. 

They tried it next day as well. And Sander was so bad, Senne tried to put it nicely but after a while, he couldn't hold his emotions in so he started straight up roasting and yelling at him, not only Sander was terrible, he was also messing up Senne's car and his friend was more worried about his vehicle than his date. All Sander could hear this days was "No. Stop, not like that. You're not supposed to push it like that. Fuck. Slow down. Now push it. Change it. It's not your side of the road. Turn around. You're not suppose to go there. Can't you at least start the car without my instructions? Just push the button, it's easy. Get out. Get the fuck out. I'm gonna kill my self. Now, slow and steady. You have to turn it all the way around. Fuck, don't hit the sidewalk. Careful. Open it. Look in the mirrors, they aren't there for aesthetic. Stop gripping it like that. Look out. Press the brake. Stop the damn car. Get out, don't let me see you for the rest of the day." And all over again the each day until they were suppose to meet.

Sander can't blame Senne, no matter how much he complained, he did his best and Sander is more than grateful. But he knows, he will mess up one way or another and he's already getting ready for the embarrassment.

Senne tried everything to get him to change his mind about taking his car but in the end, he hesitantly gave him the keys and made him promise that if he broke or scratched his car, he'd buy a new one for him. Sander took it from him with shaky fingers. It was the first time he'd have to drive alone and it was also first time he'd have to take Robbe to drive-in movie theaters and not only he still doesn't know how to park the car properly and the whole point of drive-ins are to park the car at the right place and he was also meeting up with Robbe and he couldn't just not drive there. 

He made Senne call him and was on a speaker just to be an emotional support for him until he'd get to Robbe's home and he almost hit the car in front of him while he was stopping but he stayed quiet so Senne wouldn't jump from his phone. And when he saw Robbe coming on his way, he hang up. 

It would be a very long night. It was already dark out and that was making the situation ten times harder for Sander but it was too late to back out now. 

Robbe opened the passenger door and sat down beside him, after they said their greetings and Sander was getting emotionally ready to start the car, he noticed Robbe's gaze on his face, mischief in his eyes and asked "what?"

 "Nothing." He answered but didn't look away. Not that Sander didn't like when Robbe was looking at him but he felt pressured while somebody was looking at him work and now, when he was extremely nervous, he couldn't just drive with him watching his every move.

"Something is up, just say it." He looked right at him now, turned his head.

Robbe giggled and stayed silent which made Sander more worried, was something on his face, he started wondering.

"Say it." His panicked voice made Robbe laugh and he finally started talking.

"It's just - I thought you didn't know how to drive." And at that, Sander's eyes went wide and he started nervously cough-laughing. 

"Yeah I - " he scratched the back of his neck and looked away. 

"I learnt it - a while a-ago. So don't judge me that harshly please." He felt his face started burning. 

"As if I'd dare and judge you." He isn't sure if Robbe's teasing manner is making him more nervous or more excited, probably both.

"O-okay." He breathed out and started the car. He was about to push the gas when he felt a hand on his shoulder and looked at Robbe smiling at him warmly, and gave him a reasonable nod. 

"Don't worry, okay? You don't have to impress me or anything. You don't need to, I'm sure you must already know. You're breathing and I'm already impressed."

How can he calmly drive after hearing this and not crash into something? 

"You're too pure for this world." He whispered and turned away, now starting the car for real and he saw how big Robbe's smile was from the corner of his eyes and how his dimples were almost pull up at his eyes and smiled himself. 

And in the end, the day went better than he imagined. He needed 9 minutes to park his car right at their place, he almost hit two cars and definitely went on a sidewalk when he dropped Robbe off and that boy couldn't stop giggling all night which made Sander so happy, he forgot about anything. 

Of course he didn't pay any attention to the movie, how could he when Robbe was sitting here, so beautiful, filled with happiness and he couldn't stop staring at him, he's sure Robbe noticed but didn't say anything else. He was somewhat interested in the movie and was making comments about it which Sander would answer with a little hum or "yeah."

One time Robbe looked at him and whispered "what?" His cheeks red all night long.

"Nothing. You're just very pretty."

12.11.2020

"You knew?"  

"I'm not as dumb as you think." Robbe laughed and looked at him. 

They were playing some kind of 20 questions game, asking each other questions they wanted to know the answer to. They were sitting on a grass, at some old abandon park where not a lot of people went and Robbe just asked him if he made the mural and to say that Sander was shocked, was an understatement.

"Did you know it from the beginning? You told me about somebody else who you thought made it, did you lie to me?"

"No. I had a doubt but obviously it was too crazy thought to even consider." And how the tables have turned now. 

The boys haven't seen each other that often past week since Sander was getting ready for his concert and had rehearses every day. 

He didn't want to admit how much he missed spending time with Robbe but now, that they were finally reunited, he felt amazing, calm. They still called each other, every night, falling asleep with listening to each other's voices and Sander realized, he was getting too attached. When he couldn't wait until it would get dark for him to call Robbe, or he'd desperately look in his calendar to see when they were suppose to meet, he knew he was too far gone for his boy and never wanted to go back to the time when he didn't know him. It also felt so insane, how they weren't like this in the past, how there was a time when Sander had no idea who this precious boy was. 

How there were probably universes where he still didn't know Robbe, and how glad he was that he was living in this one.

"Well, I guess, surprise?" Robbe laughed again and pushed him off playfully then he got serious and asked "why did you do it?"

Sander looked at him with a confused face and shrugged his shoulders.

"It's it obvious? I liked you, and I still do."

Robbe stayed silent for a few minutes, playing with his fingers, deep in thoughts.

"Can I ask you another question?" 

"Isn't it my turn?" Sander smirked at him and faced the blue, unclouded sky.

"You can ask two questions later."

"Sure. What do you want to know?"

"Did you see me that day at the skate park?" Sander stopped breathing for a few seconds, his mind going wild, racing.

He thought of pretending he didn't know what he was talking about but in the end, remembered that he made a promise that he'd only tell the truth to Robbe now so he nodded his head which made Robbe ask another question.

"Did you know what I looked like then? Did you know it was me?"

To which, Sander nodded again, guilty.

"Does it makes you feel weird?" He asked, afraid that Robbe would get mad at him or just walk away.

"Honestly, it makes me feel important." He confessed after a while and looked at Sander in the eyes. 

"But you are, Robbe. You're very important.

"They stayed there and continued talking until late at night, then Sander walked Robbe back to his place, and hugged him goodbye. 

It was a very peaceful day.

20.11.2020

"Get ready to be mind-blown" That's what Sander told him right before he walked up on the stage and Robbe is sure, he meant every word and he wasn't ready at all.

Sander told him that he could take his friends with him if he wanted but Robbe politely refused, saying that his friends didn't know about them, whatever they were, probably friends hoping to be more, but in reality, he didn't want anybody else to have Sander's name on the vip access ticket, hanging on their necks. He felt he was acting possessive, which he was but didn't want to admit it.

He also didn't know what to expect, Sander told him that he wished he wouldn't get lonely waiting for him or bored and Robbe almost had a fight with him that he even dared to say that Robbe would get bored, as if it wasn't like he was planning and wanting to be on Sander's concert almost his whole life. 

Sander took him with him and just because he had to be there earlier than the concert would start, which was 8 pm, Robbe was also there, having his first and best experience in his life. Sander has sung to him a few times, so it wasn't like he'd hear him sing in real life for the first time but he was so excited, his whole body was shaking from the happiness. 

He has already met Senne a few times before so when Sander was checking his sounds, Senne was hanging out with him, he was so fun to be around and Robbe could clearly see why those two were best friends. 

Then the concert started and he realized that he indeed wasn't an only person on Sander's vip list. Obviously, there were his parents, which he knew from the pictures but seeing them now, it was really obvious Sander was their son. He looked so much like them, that Robbe was so close to actually going up and saying thank you to them for creating their kid. He laughed at the thought, Sander would love it if he really did that. 

Another thing which annoyed him was how, other than people he didn't know, who had Sander's vip necklace, there was also Britt, walking around with her two friends, he knew from the Instagram, with his name on her neck. 

Robbe has never seen her up close and damn, she was very gorgeous. She had a very tight silver dress on which was going down to her knees, her shoulders visible and her blonde hair, straighten. 

All this time, he has never even once thought of Britt, not after their last encounter on the social media and all of a sudden, everything he knew about their relationship came rushing to the surface of his brain.

He already knew that they were good friends but couldn't help but feel upset about her being here, like he was. 

It made him feel ordinary, and no matter how much he knew he was just an ordinary boy, Sander always tries to make him feel special, and seeing her now made him realized that he still didn't get any different treatment and this selfish thought killed him in the heart. 

He remembered every photo or video they have ever posted when they were dating, or every rumor he has ever heard, one was even so crazy that the publicity thought they broke up because Britt was pregnant and having a kid at a such young age would ruin Sander's career. Obviously, Robbe hasn't believe them but for everybody to think that, meant they were pretty close. 

Why wouldn't they? When you're dating somebody for that long, as Sander would say, you have to go all the way or no way. 

Robbe couldn't help but feel somebody clutching his heart and making him breath uneasily. He doesn't have any right to be jealous, but looking at her here, jumping up and down while listening to his ex's concert, was making him think not so many good things. 

Robbe tried getting his mind off of that and he succeed, he stood as close to the stage to watch him and he had an amazing time.

Seeing Sander there, on the stage and watching how familiar this was for him, and how he looked like he was born for this, made Robbe realize why his manager was fighting so hard for Sander to only continue and focus on his music career. 

This, singing and being on the stage, was Sander's, and everybody could see that. 

Robbe didn't miss the way he kept looking back at him and made sure if he was watching, and of course Robbe was watching his every move, listening to his every note, knowing all the lyrics to each of his songs but staying quiet, just listening to him sing.

He had to admit, Sander and Senne were a good due, and they, with the help of a few people put out a fire and the audience went crazy. 

And Robbe felt on a cloud infinite. 

At the very end, Sander sang his latest and recent song, the song Robbe didn't know about and kept looking at him, as if he was singing this for him and Robbe blushed so hard and he was so relieved that nobody here, other than the boys on the stage, knew who he was and who he was to Sander. 

But even Robbe, himself didn't know who he really was to Sander.

And when they finished their concert with the song Sander wrote for Robbe, using his own messages as lyrics, Robbe really was sure that he'd drop dead on the hard floor.

Is this really a real life, he wondered, or is this a dream, a fantasy?

He will never, ever get over this, he will never get over how every few minutes, Sander would look back at him and smiled, or even winked.

Would this always be like this? He'd give up everything he ever owned and so much more for this to be always like this. 

The people's screaming was making him deaf but he couldn't really blame them, he's silent only because he's with Sander's friends and family. He had no idea if any of them knew who he was but when Sander's mom walked up to him and asked him if he was Robbe, then he guessed that Sander must have said something about him with them.

"I am." He smiled, showed of his teeth and dimples, and got a warming smile in return too.

"It's a pleasure. I've heard a lot of great things about you."

What things? He wanted to ask and knew but couldn't dare. 

Somebody called her name and she turned around and said "I'll be there in a moment." Then looked at Robbe one more time, put her hand on his arm. 

"You really make my son happy, thank you for that. I got to go now but I hope we will meet each other soon again." And left him after giving him another smile which made it clear, from whom Sander got his own.

He didn't know which fact was the crazier, the fact that Sander told his parents about him, or the fact that his mom literally just gave them her blessing without even saying that word. 

Sander's mom thanked him, she liked him and welcomed him in her family, or that's what it seemed like. 

He didn't have a lot of time to think about that since the concert was over and the boys were walking out of the stage. Even if he was standing the closest to the stage, somebody behind him run up and went in front of him, he saw that it was Britt and as soon as Sander walked out, she jumped on him and wrapped her arms around him so tightly that Sander had to put his palm on a wall next to him so he wouldn't fall off and then he laughed and put his arms around her as well. 

Robbe didn't want to think about that but the only thought in his head was that Sander hugged her exactly the way he hugged him.

Maybe he hugs everybody like that. 

He saw how Sander whispered something in her ear that made her crack up and throw her head back. 

After they pulled away, they exchanged some words and then Senne walked out and she went up to him instead, probably just to congratulate him and tell him what a great show they pulled.

People went up to Sander and after a few minutes of him, hugging everybody else and having a small talk with them, he finally saw Robbe standing there and walked up to him.

He was sweaty and out of breath, but still managed to win Robbe's heart over again with his smile.

"Hey stranger." He said and winked at him, which automatically made Robbe smiled, no matter how upset he was to see him with Britt just a moment ago.

"Hey. You were amazing out there." He didn't say all the compliments he wanted to, Sander didn't deserve him after that hug, Robbe was acting jealous for no reason but in his mind, it wasn't wrong to act this way at all.

Obvious to Robbe's discomfort and sadness, he thanked him and took his hand, started walking away and dragged him with him. 

Sander was really amazing on the stage, and this night was something Robbe will never forget. 

It was perfect.

He was perfect. And Robbe still can't believe he was able to see all that unfold in real life with his own two eyes.

Sander apparently dragged him back to the backstage 'getting ready' area. And pushed him inside, closed the door. 

The whole room screamed 'Sander' and Robbe thought that this must be his own, private place.

Robbe was looking around the room when he saw how Sander took off his shirt from the corner of his eyes and made his self turn around properly so he wouldn't have to look at him no matter how much he wanted to. Instead he looked at the guitars and clothes around the room and a very big mirror, and some stuff Sander had in here. 

His mind was his biggest enemy and he realized it when the thought of Sander, dragging Britt back to here after his concert to fuck her was filling and clouding his head.

Why is he doing this to his self?

His mood kept dropping down on the floor as more time passed, and it wasn't fair since he was the happiest he has ever been just a few moments ago. 

Had they made out of the couch before?                                                          Had they kissed against the door?                                                                    Had they locked up in here for hours after the concert and only left after the midnight?

He tried shutting down his thoughts but they keep rushing and rushing in. 

Then he felt the boy stood next to him. 

Robbe doesn't know if he had seen his face and realized it, or if he was a mind reader but Sander made him turn around, looked at him. 

"I have never taken anyone in here in the past, you're the first and only one."

Before Robbe had a chance to answer, he put his arm in front of him and took off his bracelet.

Robbe knew and recognized that bracelet, Sander had talked about it in his videos and knew how much it meant for Sander and he knew what he was going to say about it before he even did it. 

"This is my lucky bracelet. I always put it on, on my concerts and take them off after it."

Robbe didn't know why he was telling him all this and in here.

Sander probably saw his confusion face and decide to continue. 

He took Robbe's palm in his hand and put the bracelet in it. Robbe looked down at it, couldn't believe what he thought was happening.

"I want to give it to you, if you will take it." And he looked at him dead in the eyes, and Robbe has never seen him that serious before, not even when he was talking about his illness, and that made his eyes wide.

"W-what? But, Sander. This is your lucky bracelet, I know you don't ever sing on concerts without it and it must mean so much for you, how can you even - " 

"I don't need any luck anymore. I have you, don't I?" 

Of course, he had Robbe.

He had Robbe even before he knew who he was.

He had Robbe right after Robbe heard his voice for the first time in his life.

You do, he wanted do say, I'm yours, take me, have me however you want, he wanted to add.

But decided to stay silent, only asking "are you sure?" after a while.

"I'm sure. I mean - do you not like it?" The worry lines between his forehead was making him seem so adorable, Robbe only wanted to kiss them all over. 

"Are you kidding me? How do you even dare to ask me that? Of course I like it, I love it. This means so much for me and I - " Sander shut him up by putting his index finger on his lips and Robbe looked up at him.

"Stop thanking me. First it was constantly saying sorry all the time, now this." He smiled and put the bracelet on his arm. Robbe looked down at it on his wrist and also at the hand which was still holding his arm. 

"But what about your lucky charm?" He asked.

Sander smiled at him and came closer which made Robbe's heart beat so fast that it was ready to jump out of his skin.

He put his face so close to him that Robbe closed his eyes and felt his lips on his cheek seconds after.

Sander pulled away but didn't let go of his hand.

Robbe opened his eyes and saw him, looking down at their fingers, which were still holding each other.

"I don't need any lucky charm. I have you, that's more than enough. Now, come." And pulled blushing and smiling Robbe out of the room.

03.12.2020

When Sander told Robbe that he wasn't alone, coming to meet up with him, Robbe got a little worried. 

Sander also added "I had no choice" on his previous text message and didn't reply to him after that. 

But Robbe found out what he meant by that soon when he saw Sander coming up to him while holding a little kid's hand in his left hand and a little bag in his right.

When they stopped in front of Robbe, the boy kneeled down. 

"Hey, little buddy. What's your name?" The kid looked up at Sander, silently asking if it was to say and after Sander nodded slowly, smiling down at him, the kid said.

"I'm Theodore."

"Well, hi, Theodore. I'm Robbe. It's nice to meet you." 

"I just have to take care of him for like an hour and then we can meet up with his mom, okay? I'm so sorry, she didn't have anybody to leave him with and I wanted to help her - "

"Sander, you don't have to explain. It's okay. I'm so happy I got to meet the person who makes you lose your mind and wants to jump from the building." He smiled and got up on his feet.

"Theo will be a good kid today, won't he?" Sander asked playfully and whispered "he's in a good mood" to Robbe and they started walking.

Robbe couldn't help but stare at them. Sander was so close to that little boy, like they were in a little bubble together. 

Robbe and Sander were talking but at the same time, Theo was asking him questions, like "what's this?" And Sander would answer automatically. 

"Are we going to see mommy?" Theo asked.

"Yes we are. She will meet us soon."

"Soon?"

"Uh-Huh. So after that, he took her back to his place and they had the biggest fight, imagine how horrible it must have been that the neighbors called the police because of the noises and breaking objects and - " Sander was telling him about Theo's mom and her boyfriend at the same time.

"Look, what a cute dog."

"Yeah, it's very cute. Look, how he's playing with his friend?" And continued talking to Robbe and switching the personalities like it wasn't a big deal at all "sometimes he checks up on him, but he just don't really care, you know? It's so sad since she really loved him but - "

"Sander, wait. I have something - " They stopped and Sander looked down at whatever Theo was telling him.

"What is it? Show me." Theo had his finger in his hand and was looking at it closely, pulling in his eyebrows. Sander took his finger and examined it.

Robbe almost melted at the sight in front of him, it was so cute to see how vulnerable and sweet and caring Sander was with that kid.

"It's nothing. There's nothing there." He took his hand again and continued walking.

"I want to go to the park."

"Let's ask your mom when we see her."

"Ask mom?"

"Yep."

"And then go?"

"Yeah."

"Go to the park?"

"Yeah."

"Will Robbe come too?" The boy and looked up at him and asked which made Robbe so happy.

"I don't know, ask him." Sander told him.

Theo asked him directly now, which made Robbe nod his head and smile.

They meet up with her mom after an hour or so and she thanked him so much and apologized of keeping Sander busy while he was on a date when he saw Robbe with him. 

Sander said that it was more than alright, didn't correct her about the date thing, kissed and hugged Theo and they left together. 

Theo started crying when they were going away but Sander promised him that he's see him later and calmed him down.

Robbe had the biggest smile while watching that. 

Theo also said a goodbye to Robbe and blowed him a kiss, which made the brunet's heart filled with adoration and love.

"He must really love you." Robbe said after they weren't visible anymore.

"I think I'm the closest he has to a father." He put his body closer to Robbe, their arms were touching while they were walking together which was sending electricity in Robbe's body.

"No, I think you're more like his best friend." Robbe looked down at their arms and when he was about to pull away a little bit, afraid that he was make Sander uncomfortable, the boy entwined their fingers together. And Robbe got goosebumps all over his skin.

"Yeah, that too. Believe it or not, he's also my best friend in some kind of way." He got even closer to him and looked at him, his face was only ten centimeters away. 

"Ohh, does Senne has a competition?" Robbe teased and Sander laughed at that.

"Oh, I'm sure Theo would beat him the title of my best friend."

"I'm sure he would." 

14.12.2020

Robbe doesn't know how they got in this situation and position.

They are sitting on the bench, well, Robbe is sitting and Sander is laying down with his head on Robbe's legs, his eyes closed, one of his legs bent and the other straight in front of him.

"Your knees are shaking. Sander told him as a matter of fact and Robbe's ears got hot after hearing. 

"I know." He mumbled. 

"Give me your hand." Sander looked up at him and it didn't felt fair, how Robbe had nowhere to run from his gaze and was obligated to look down at his beautiful green eyes. 

"Why?" 

"Because I want to hold it." And he took it in his hand, started playing with his fingers.

Robbe had to admit, they have been getting closer and closer this past few weeks, fast few months actually, to the point where Sander holding his hand, or sitting this close to him, or even putting his arm around his shoulder was and felt normal. 

And Robbe really doesn't know how they got to that point of their relationship, how fast they were they were changing blush emojis to kissy emojis on their phones, or even hearts, which Robbe found out a very interesting fact about.

Apparently Sander uses different kind and color of hearts while texting. He uses green with somebody he used to be close with but now they don't hang out that much. He uses yellow with somebody he wants to impress. Orange with somebody he doesn't like. Black with his art friends. Heart with a bow ties is with somebody he just really hates. And blue with somebody who is special for him. And he just doesn't use other colors. Sometimes purple if he's unsure of what to feel about the person he's texting with. 

He rarely uses red since it means real love for him but that's the only color of heart he has been using for Robbe, it makes him smile every time he sees it.

Robbe is definitely in love. But he can't speak much about Sander. 

Well, he has been open about his feelings and he has been spoiling Robbe with presents or compliments but he hasn't said anything directly, he has mentioned once or twice that he likes Robbe but that's it. 

Sander is probably afraid of going in deep or saying something Robbe isn't comfortable enough to hear yet and he adores Sander and is thankful for that but he's just desperate. 

All this cute little dates and meeting ups are amazing but in this kind of moments, like now, when Sander is so close, he's touching him, making him feel loved and Robbe still doesn't know what they are is making him want to cry. 

He's killing him, slowly and adorably, enjoying every second of it and Robbe is falling, somewhere, in a very long black hole and when he's sure that he has finally gotten to the place he has to come to a stop, the gravity starts working again and he's going down and down, deeper and deeper, he can't see the surface anymore for a very long time now. 

He's terrified that Sander will leave him there, stuck, devastated but one can only hope that the things will start to get clearer.

A year ago, he would have never thought that he'd even talk to him, six months ago, he never thought that he'd meet him, two months ago, he's never thought that Sander would have his head on his lap and his palm in his hand but here they were. 

The world definitely had a way to surprise him, always.

Robbe looked down at his peaceful and angelic face.

Robbe really wants to touch his hair but he isn't daring it yet. He's not the confident one in the relationship. 

In general, he hugged Sander by his self six times, kissed his cheek once, took his hand in his own twice, while Sander was almost all over him, with his hands and fingers wandering, in his hair, on his back, on his thigh, arms, hands, face.

After he found out that Robbe was comfortable with him being touchy, he didn't stop. Not that Robbe wanted him to.

He put his fingers close to his neck slowly, going in and out, didn't dare to touch it. Sander sensed his movement and opened his eyes, made Robbe feel like an exhibition in a museum because of the way the boy was looking at him.

Suddenly, he smiled and whispered "you can touch me. I don't bite. At least not if you won't ask me to." Which made Robbe put his head down, try to hide his face and by doing this, he went so deep that he put his forehead right against Sander's forehead. Not knowing what he was doing, he used his chance to slip his fingers in his soft hair and started massaging his scalp.

They stayed like this until Robbe got back to his previous position, now with his plan being successful, his fingers lost in white locks.

Robbe has no idea about how much time has passed since they got here, how many hours have they been together today. 

He closed his eyes and started "walking" in his head, thoughts after thoughts developing and becoming one. 

Sander has told him about it once, how sometimes he looks back at his thoughts and watches how each one changed to one another like a movie.

It definitely was very weird, and the way Sander's voice changed when he said it made Robbe realize that this person in front of him then, was a person Sander didn't let anybody see, only a few people.

A person who he was embarrassed about, a person he hated, a toxic, a maniac, crazy person he says he becomes and Robbe wants nothing more to make him see how wrong he is when he says all that stuff about his self.

How much he wishes to make Sander see him from Robbe's eyes, to make him see how special he is.

That was the Sander, the boy was afraid that would make Robbe run away but he was incorrect, this would be the person that would make him stay.

It took a lot of energy and time for Robbe to start accepting and communicating with Sander like a normal person. No matter how much time they spend talking, he still has that fan girl moments when he realizes who he's with and freaks out but they are getting more infrequent as he's getting to know the boy.

Believe it or not, Sander is normal. He has friends, he has problems he deals with, he has hobbies, he has a baggage and he's still perfect.

He's just a person.                                                                                                

A person Robbe loves and adores.

A person Robbe can't seem to live without now.

A person who has his head on his legs at the moment.

He opened his eyes when he felt Sander shift and was met with his eyes, staring down at him, his face close to his own. And he stayed there for a while, making sure Robbe wouldn't pull away and when he was certain that Robbe was definitely not moving, he put and touched Robbe's nose with his nose, moved it up and down slowly. Robbe felt a hot breath on his whole face, his heart about to burst out and when he finally felt Sander's lips on his own, he completely lost it.

Sander was always making him feel things he has never felt before but this was something he couldn't even explain.

He has imagined this so much that he's not proud but it felt greater than anything he has ever felt in his entire life. While his mind was closed for using for today, his body fortunately knew what to do and he wrapped his arms around him, kissing him back, pulling him closer to him.

The kiss wasn't long but it was passionate, teasing and breathtaking. 

Basically, everything Sander was. 

If Robbe knew kissing him felt like this, he'd jump on him when he has his first chance. 

Sander pulled away, looking startled and scared, put his forehead against Robbe's and whispered: "I wanted to ask if I could kiss you but then decided against it and went for it."

Robbe doesn't know how he managed to say a word. 

"I'm glad you did." 

They stayed like this for a while, just looking and breathing in each other. 

Then Robbe let out a whimper and took both of Sander's hands in his own. "Please don't lie to me, is this a dream?"

Sander looked at him sadly and filled with so much love, it was making Robbe weak and he was so happy he was sitting down. 

"I don't know. Are your eyes open? Don't believe everything you might see."

The way Sander was always using his words against him, making him remember them.

But now, he wasn't upset, no, he was happy Sander remembered and appreciated them.

And he can't lie, it was a perfect time to say it.

"All I believe right now is that I see you and you're here." He whispered back, clutching his fingers so tightly now that they were getting white, Sander didn't mind or he didn't show it at least, Robbe was petrified he'd blink and Sander wouldn't be there anymore.

"You're right. I am and I'm not going anywhere. At least not without you."

Sander reassured him and he kissed him again. 

Robbe went limp in his arms. 

Chapter 8.1

[gorbo-longstocking]

ohhhh can i ask for an imagine! im a certified vet nurse and i just quit my old super toxic job to a better one m. how does each skeleton like to celebrate their s/os big achievements, anyone want to do anything special? (my faves are stretch, red, edge, and mutt 😎)

aaaaaa omg congratulations thats so awesome, i hope your new jobs going great!! :DD

ok so, i only did those four since they're your favs and i wanted to focus on them the most, but let me know if you want me to do the others. >:3

red

- bro you guys are popping the biggest bottles, it is going to be a party of a life time. your life is taking a turn for the better, that’s something red believes deserves a full celebration. he’s not usually one for something so physically taxing, parties for him tend to be casually chilling with a flew close friends. to him, leaving behind a toxic environment is a great accomplishment, one he will happily get off his ass to celebrate.

- he’s usually a pretty frugal guy, he doesn’t like spending big bucks. not tonight though, he’ll wholeheartedly consider renting a limo if you’re down for it. he’s never been in one, but it sounds like a blast and a half. everything is on him, you aren’t paying for anything.

- if you’re not down for big celebrations, no big deal. something smaller he’d do is buy some take out from your favorite place, find a hill in the middle of nowhere, and set off some fireworks while y’all eat a good meal. if you’re cool with it, he’d probably pull up reviews on google of your old workplace and dramatically read them out loud, like your own personal roast sesh.

edge

- good thing you quit your job. if you told edge any of the dirty details, it’s very likely he would have “taken matters into his own hands”. he’s very happy for you and absolutely believes this calls for a celebration.

- edge doesn’t have a lot of experience with parties, a fact he will expect you to be surprised by considering he is very popular and highly sought out, so he will keep things lowkey. with your permission, he will make a facebook post singing your praises and absolutely condemning your old workplace. a majority of his facebook friends are neighborhood moms who’s kids he babysits, so trust me, you have an army on your side.

- as much as he’d like to cook for you, he cooks for you every night, and celebrations should be special. he takes you out to the best fine dining restaurant he can find (if you check his google history he literally searched “BEST FANCY RESTAURANT NEAR ME”) and makes sure you’re well fed and well taken care of. he later buys you a gift, with advice given by said neighborhood moms, to show you how proud he is of you.

stretch

- he’s super proud and crazy happy for you, this is great. a new chapter in your life that will lead to bigger and better things. stretch’s idea of a celebration is driving past your old workplace and making faces at it. that’s what he calls catharsis. he definitely wanted to egg the building, and depending on how cool you are with that, the two of you do, or you easily shut him down.

- to celebrate, stretch bakes you a cake, whatever flavor you want. the two of you can run to the store and pick out the ingredients. even something as small as grocery shopping he makes a total blast. you’ve barely been in the store five seconds and you’re both leaning on each other in the freezer section, laughing so hard neither of you can breath.

- the cake celebration and party quickly devolves to the two of you dicking around in various stores. you know that part of the shopping cart that babies sit in? yeah, the whole thing ends when stretch gets stuck in one and you guys get kicked out. thankfully, you still have your ingredients, and his baking skills are spectacular. the cake was well worth the wait.

mutt

- mutt’s idea of a celebration would be something to do at home or somewhere quiet. parties are very loud and very crowded, two things that spell disaster for him sensory wise. he’ll order delivery, your choice, and you guys will have an epic movie marathon. over the past few weeks, he’s compiled a list of every movie you’ve so much as mentioned you wanted to watch and has (pirated) bought every single one.

- the two of you spend the night cuddling, although he makes sure to focus the affection on you by running his fingers through your hair or massaging your shoulders or scratching your back. whatever you want, he’ll do. he’ll even let you borrow his jacket for a day or two. it’s near impossible to get him out of it, its one of his comfort items, but he knows that a common thing in relationships is wearing your partners clothes.

- something small you could do is going outside and stargazing. the night sky is beautiful, it always helps him put life into perspective, and he’d like to share that with you. you guys make up your own constellations, giving them stupid names and laughing together until the sun comes up. it’s easy to forget to sleep when you’re having fun with someone you love.

[king-star]

When the Party’s Over

Warning: Homophobia, transphobia, death, bile, guts, broken limb, crying, pet neglection, driving while slightly tipsy, fire (lmk if i need to add more. This is all around pretty dark and sad, proceed with caution)

Match: Yelena Belova x enby!Reader; Wanda Maximoff x reader

Genre: Angst, Angst, and more Angst

A/N: This is the first chapter in a series. Idk how long it’ll be. the plan is bi weekly updates. im reallyyyyy proud of this one so let’s hope it doesn’t flop. ENJOY!

Word Count: ~3,000

Summary: You have a horrible nightmare, leaving you with anxiety for Yelena. Yelena assures you that everything is fine and leaves on a mission.

Your tongue rubs the roof of your mouth in an attempt to rid itself of the sickly sweet drink you’d been sipping. A hundred intoxicated humans swirl around you. Fabric, skin, and feathers blend together, the orchestra the only thing holding off the headache behind your eyes.

You didn’t want to be here. Sure ballroom charity balls could be fun. If you had your best friends there, you could chat only with them, and dance to your heart's content. Unfortunately for you, everyone you could stand to be around was busy. Leaving you human-shieldless from your mothers many socialite friends.

The “oh my goodness Y/N I haven’t seen you since you were in highschool. How are you?” got old quick. Retelling your life story over and over was a pain especially with your mother gripping your hand making sure you didn’t slip up. Share any information that didn’t quite fit the Y/L/N dynasty image. Mostly she didn’t want you sharing about the love of your life, your girlfriend, your Yelena.

When the two of you first got together you waited nearly 5 months before telling your mother. The first time you dated a girl she had hated it. She tried to act like she was supportive, claiming “I will always love you no matter what.” But in the end she always shielded this fact from the public eye. She was supportive of all the LGBT+ movements from a political standpoint. Never her own child.

You never told Yelena about this. You claimed the reason you didn’t want to share her with your mother was because you wanted your relationship to not have paparazzi after you two. She bought it for a while but you could only keep the love of your life away from the woman who gave you life for so long. It didn’t take a master spy to understand the emotions behind the look your mother gave you when you brought Yelena to dinner. Yelena never brought it up but it was an unspoken understanding. Your mother didn’t accept you no matter how hard she tried to fake it.

Now you just wanted the event to be over so you could go home to Yelena. You flipped your wrist, checking the ridiculously expensive watch you had on.

11:31

She was definitely asleep by now. Yelena never stayed up past 10:30. Frowning, you set down your glass and turned to your mother, waiting for her conversation to end. When she finally stopped speaking she turned to you and cocked an eyebrow,

“Y/N. Are you leaving? so soon?” she pouted but enough years in her home taught you her looks. This was faked sadness.

“Unfortunately yes mother. Lena is probably asleep by now and I have work early. She probably forgot to feed our dog,” you enunciated the words that might clue in your mothers friend on how you and this woman were related. A last “fuck you mother” before you left. She smiled warningly and nodded.

“Well… you must get home to your friend. I will see you soon daughter,” she kissed your hand and you stood there frozen. Of course, she would invalidate your gender and your relationship in one comment. Your nostrils flared and you turned quickly, letting your hand smack your unfinished drink into her lap and treading off quickly.

“Fuck you mother. How someone could be so hateful to their own child I will never understand,” you muttered to yourself. You handed your ticket to the valet and stood with your arms crossed, waiting. You made sure to tip the valet an absurd amount, and drove off quickly. The only thing that would keep you from doing something stupid in retaliation was Yelena’s arms around you.

~

Nearly thirty minutes later you pulled the car into the garage. It shouldn’t have taken you that long to get home but you couldn’t help but drive with the top down for a bit. Anger and maybe a bit of fear had bubbles underneath your skin and you didn’t want to bother Yelena. You stepped out of the car and held your head in your hands. You hadn’t drank that much, but a headache would be inevitable.

Fanny met you at the door. She was obviously excited, tail wagging as she raced back to her food bowl

“ok ok girl. I’ve got you,” you rubbed her head and dumped a scoop of food into her bowl. Loosening your tie you dragged yourself to the bedroom. You smiled as the light poured in and illuminated the silhouette of a sleeping Yelena.

“Deep asleep. I’ll join you in a second,” you pulled the rest of your suit off. Picking up a discarded shirt you put it on, and leaned your head against the mirror.

“That was misery. And mother’s comment. I shouldn’t care about what that bitch thinks or says. But I can't help it,” you let out a sigh and picked up your toothbrush. Maybe someday she will accept you. But at that point would she ever be able to make up for how she treated you?

Ready for bed you slid in beside Yelena, careful not to wake her. Fanny, finished with her food, jumped into bed with you and snuggled up with a lick to your face. You smiled and kissed her head then kissed Yelena.

“night my love. See you in the morning,” your heavy lids drooped and you relaxed, setting a hand on Yelena and falling into dreamland.

~

Your thighs hurt. Fire and smoke burn your throat and eyes. You search for something. What exactly you aren’t sure. Tears stream down your face as anxiety floods your chest. If you don’t find the thing soon your world will be crushed.

A broken door, barely on its hinges, is at your right and you know that’s it. A hard turn and you smack your arm into the frame. You grasp at your wrist as more tears prick your eyes.

“Fuck!” A familiar level of pain flares and you know it’s broken. Your eyes dart around the room, still looking for that unknown thing. A pile of smoking wood sits in front of you and your feet carry you to it. This was it.

You try hard to pull through the heavy, hot wood with your one arm. A cry comes from below, an anxiety flaring familiar cry. You pull harder and uncover and dirty and bloody Yelena.

“LENA!” you shout and help her out. Her hands held her stomach. She smiles sickly and then curls in pain.

“Y/N. You found me. I hoped you would. Quick kiss me. I don’t have long,” Your eyes widen and you move her hands. The sight of her stomach makes you sick. Turning to the side you retch and vile spills from your mouth. You wipe your mouth and shake your head, tears fall hard now.

“Lena no no. You’re fine. We can fix you. Please,” you slide your arm under her and try to pick her up but she screams and goes limp in your arms.

“FUCK Y/N! stop. There's no hope. Please just kiss me. I don’t want to die without that.” you shake your head more and set her down. You refused to accept her death.

“No Yelena you are not going to die here. You can’t die. You are too well trained. a-and… I can't live without you. it’ll be fine,” She tries to raise her head but then it falls and she spasms. Your eyes widen and you do your best to hold her still but your broken wrist shoots in pain.

“No no no NO!” you kiss her over and over. Fear pulses through you and when she relaxes completely you sob. Your head aches from the pressure of your sobs and your broken wrist protests. Maybe hours pass and you sit there with her dead body pressed to your chest, her blood and guts smearing all over you.

Then guilt overtakes the sadness. She asked you for one thing. One single kiss before she died and you didn’t fulfill that. You couldn’t give her everything she deserved in life or even in her final moments.

You wake up shaking and screaming. Yelena is awake next to you, crying and shaking your shoulder violently.

“Please Y/N,” she sobs, snot and tears mix and fall forgotten. You sit up barely able to hold yourself up. She is alive.

“Fuck Yelena what’s wrong?” Your dream haunts you. You search her stomach and her whole body for major wounds. She is obviously unsure what you are doing and grabs your face forcing you to look at her.

“Y-you were shaking and screaming and crying and I didn’t know what was wrong. If you were having a seizure or what.” You shake your head and take deep breaths.

“No, I'm good. Not seizure. R-Really…” your words falter and you stare off, caught up in the memory of the dream. Yelena snaps in front of you and hugs your arm. “Ah sorry. Bad dream. really, really bad dream.” you stare at her head unsure if this was the dream or if Yelena really was alive.

“D-do you want to tell me about it?” Her arms slide under yours and she holds you from the side. You shake your head and lay it on her shoulder. “Ok but if you do tell me. I’ll hold you until you fall asleep again.”

The thought of being asleep again makes you tense up. Yelena feels it and rubs your side softly. She kisses you in every way she knows you like and pets your head.

“I’m not going to sleep. I can’t live through that again. It made me think I was going to be alone. Please don’t leave me Lena. please. I don’t wanna die alone.” She frowns and hugs you tight.

“I’m never going to leave you. I’m here baby. I’m here.” She kisses your jaw softly and you nod. Relaxing again, you wrap your arms around her waist and kiss her shoulders.

“Y-you died. There was a fire and I broke my wrist and it was smokey and you got impaled and you died. You asked me to kiss you and I couldn’t accept the fact you were dying so I didn’t kiss you. I couldn’t give you what you deserve.” She frowns and kisses you.

“No Y/N. Don’t you dare. It was just a nightmare, that’s all. I’m NEVER leaving you. ok?” She holds your face and kisses you softly. The kiss lasts a while and you melt into your touch. Fears still paralyse you every couple hours but she holds you until the sun comes up. She knows exactly what you love and how to make you feel safe. She really wasn’t ever going to leave.

~

Weeks pass. You are sure you have gotten past the nightmare. You go to work everyday and Yelena stays home going through paperwork. When you come home the two of you snuggle and bliss fills you. Your mother doesn’t ask you to come to any more charity events and you think maybe, just maybe things are good.

Then Yelena gets called on the mission. When she tells you she will be gone for a week your mind reels. You can barely see straight as the dream vividly flashes through your brain. Yelena gets worried, grabbing your hand and you back away searching her body for any sign of blood.

“No. Lena please. What if you get hurt? I-I can’t. You promised you’d never leave.” Her eyes look at you apologetically.

“Don’t worry. I’m a professional. It’s just a small info gathering job. Absolutely no danger,” she smiles at you and sets a hand on your shoulder. You back away from her hand and lean your head back to force the tears back.

“Yelena… ok. Please. Don’t get hurt,” She nods and kisses your cheek grabbing her bag.

You spend the entire week at home. Anxiety grips you so hard that you can’t stand to go to work. A fever strikes and you throw up every evening at almost exactly 10:30. Work tells you to stay at home and probably go to the doctor. Honestly you’d rather go to work so you have less time to think about her.

Most of Yelena's missions don’t allow for her to contact you and the stress of it all has your brain thinking of her the entire time she’s gone. By the time Yelena is on her way back you have dropped 12 pounds. You hadn’t eaten, only bothering to get up to feed Fanny. A cold sweat coats your skin and you hold your arms to you. Blankets were too hot, but it was too cold without them.

The alarm on your phone signalling it’s time to feed Fanny goes off. You throw the blankets off and wipe dried tears. The tv screen flashes a “keep watching screen.” You aren’t really sure when it came up but your mind hadn’t registered the tv in a couple days.

When the door clicks unlocked you scream. Silence had filled the apartment for so long and the sound was louder than anything you’d ever heard. Fanny starts barking, running to the door, then coming back and sitting at your feet.

You fall to the ground clasping the food scoop. Fanny licks your face as tears fall. Every fear that had plagued you came to the forefront of your mind. What if it wasn’t Yelena? What if it was Hill telling you to come in? No, they would call you for that. But if Yelena was dead…

Arms wrap around and pick you up, setting you on the couch. You whip your head back and forth trying to catch a glance of who it is. In the back of your mind you know it's her, but for some reason you’d been convinced over the past week that she’s dead.

A warm towel wipes away dried tears and snot, and a soft hand holds yours. Tears blur your vision but you steady your breaths. The anxiety in your chest dissipates. You lean your head back forcing the tears in and look back to catch a look at the woman you love. But, instead of long blonde hair and soft round face,  you see long red hair, falling in waves.

“Lena? Did you have to dye your hair for the mission?” She frowns and shakes her head, setting down the towel.

“Fuck Y/N. I know you can’t remember but I hate having to keep telling you this,” The voice is not Yelena’s. It’s your friends. Wanda’s. Your eyes look her all over and you tense up confused.

“Tell me what Wanda? What’s wrong with Lena?” She grabs both your hands and looks at you with the softest expression she can muster.

“The fire Y/N. Do you remember? The fire where Lena…. She bled out,” The anxiety of the dream. No memory. The smoke, your raw throat, and the hours of sobbing.

You shake your head and quick breaths fill your lungs. Wanda tries to get you to calm down. Your vision spots while your brain searches for oxygen your hyperventilating can’t provide.

“Y/N please calm down. Please. FUCK! I promised to never use it without permission but between the two of you…” Red magic flows from her hands and wraps around your head. Your breathing slows down and your vision comes back. Wanda cradles your head and hums.

You reach up and see the tear streaks on her face. Her eyes look bloodshot and dark circles are prominent under her eyes. You pout and try to hug her back. All the fears that had consumed you for weeks were now gone. Even if it was only by Wanda’s magic. You curled into her side and fell asleep. Finally able to find some peace.

~

It was the night of the charity gala. You drove home but had taken the long way around to cool off from your mothers subtle aggression. Plans on how to ignore her future advances build in your mind as you pull into the parking garage. You stepped out of the car and held your head in your hands. You hadn’t drank that much, but a headache would be inevitable.

Sirens sound from the road in front of your complex and you growl. The loud noise and lights make your head pound. You shake your keys and walk towards the stairwell. Coughing into your arm and you open the door to your floor. You throw your hand back with a scream at the hot door handle.

“the fuck…? NO!” forgetting your pain you throw open the door and run into the building. Smoke flows from under doors and fire licks at the walls. The sound of the siren gets louder from some open window. You run through the halls trying your best to not breathe in smoke. Yelena would be asleep. She wouldn’t know what’s happening.

Your apartment door is on the right and you stand back and kick the handle. Your foot hurts as it contacts the rough wooden door but it cracks. You kick again and the door falls in. Running through the door you smack your arm into the frame and cry out in pain.

Fanny barks from one of the rooms and you follow the noise letting her run free into the hallway. You hope dearly that the dog finds her way out.

The entirety of your home is consumed in flames. Beams that held up the apartment above you are on the floor. The poor old couple who was always so nice. Hopefully they had gotten out before it collapsed. Running to your bedroom you try to open the door. It gives quickly but before you can get to Yelena a strong arm grabs at your back.

“What the? HEY!” you squirm trying to slip out of the grip. You have no luck and result to punching. Nothing makes the arms let you go as they pull you from the building. Along the way down you consider it may be a firefighter saving your life.

“Please. My girlfriend, she’s still in there. Please, she was asleep. Save her. I can get out,” you plead with your “saviour”. The person doesn’t acknowledge any words or attempts of movement. They just carry you out of the building back into the parking garage. At some point you began crying, fearing for your girlfriends and your neighbours lives.

You are carried to a car and roughly thrown in. Your broken wrist, now remembered, aches and you curl into a ball. The driver doesn’t speak to you and the person who carried you doesn’t get into the car with you. You didn’t register the person in the back seat with you until they cough. Or rather She coughs.

“Oh Y/N I’m glad we got you out ok. I was so scared we wouldn’t be able to get you out before the fire got you too,” Your eyes widen at the familiar voice and you sit up looking into her eyes. The pieces fall into place in your mind. No you’d never thought she’d be this cruel. Yet here you were, Yelena and Fanny. They were in there.

“You didn’t. no no you didn’t. You are cruel and hateful but not murderous,” you pull away as a hand strokes your cheek. Hate flashes behind your eyes.

“Oh honey. You will forgive me when you realise it was for the sake of the family. Like they always say; ‘Mother knows best.’”

(So it has been decided this is going to be a series. Follow and shoot me an ask if you wanted to be added to the tag list for updates)

DO NOT repost my work. Reblogs and Likes are appreciated. If you enjoy my work leave a comment!

[vintage-marina]

A woman out of time (james norrington x f!reader) chapter 2

TW: suicidal thoughts, idk what the word is but the reader is seeing things that isn’t there

You washed your face and looked into the mirror, the circles under your eyes were enormous and it looked like you hadn't slept in days, what indeed was. Every time you closed your eyes you saw the battle of Wakanda or you saw the faces of people that you had murdered. Murdered, you had murdered them. You screwed your eyes shut and clung to the sink for dear life, a sob escaped your lips. I don't deserve this, you thought to yourself, your victims should be alive not you, them. Not you, Vision, Vision deserved it. Or Wanda, Bucky, Sam, Peter, T'Challa everyone besides you. T'Challa, yes he deserves my place, but he isn't here to take it isn't he? You softly hummed a song to yourself, a method to soothe you. After a few minutes of humming, you opened your eyes. Red, your eyes were red, you touched your cheeks and you realised you were crying. You stared into the mirror, you saw yourself but you couldn't reconise her. You stared to face and noticed the scars on it, they were small and were from the bomb that exploded right in front of you and you noticed the burn on your neck. You didn't found them ugly, but you didn't love them either. They were a part of you now and you couldn't do anything about it, just like your arm. You felt neutral about them. You picked up your toothbrush and brushed your teeth, the feeling of guilt slowly washing away. You knew that that feeling would never go away, but just like your therapist said you must learn to live with it, if you wanted to live your life in a somewhat peacful state.

Ever since half of the population died you didn't knew what to do, you felt like you didn't belong in the group that they called themselves the Avengers but you also didn't fit in as a civilian, so in the chaos that Thanos left you packed your bags and moved away, after you were fully healed ofcourse. You left everyone a handwritten letter and then you moved into a little old house on the shore.  

You heard the telephone ringing, you walked toward the livingroom and picked up the phone. Maybe it was Steve, Natasha or Tony you didn't knew. You wiped your tears away, stupid ofcourse because the caller couldn't see them. ''Hello, with Y/N'' you said into the phone, it was Natasha. ''Hey Nat! How are you? No, I'm not crying why did you think that?'' ''You know that you don't have to lie to me right? But if you don't want to talk about it, you don't have to'' ''Yeah, I've been crying but I'm fine now. '' The last part was half a lie, you were fine but a few minutes earlier you weren't. ''Im glad to hear that you are doing alright, sometimes it is just so hard you know?'' You hummed in agreement, not knowing if she talked about her past or about the guilt she felt with the whole Thanos hassle. '' But, Y/N/N, I, no we have something important to talk about. Scott, you remember Scott right?'' ''Yeah, I remember him, he was snapped right?'' ''We thought that too but a few hours ago, he showed up on our doorstep of the compound.'' ''So he wasn't snapped away, you mean'' now it was her turn to hum in agreement. ''Y/N, what I want to tell you is that we can bring them back and we want you to be there,'' you smiled a little and you whispered: ''Ofcourse, I will be there'' ''We will pick you up in an hour, see you then'' ''See you Nat'' Natasha hanged up and you pressed the telephone to your chest and let yourself fall on your little couch and let out a laugh. A few minutes ago you felt on a point of breaking down and now hope streamend into your veins.

An hour flew by and you saw in the distance three figures walking, one blond headed, one red headed and one had dark brown hair. You openend your door and welcomed them inside, ''Hi guys'' you said to them and gestured that they can sit down, you went back to your little kitchen and brought back some drinks and cookies. You sat on a chair and turned your eyes to Scott, ''so you just showed up after 5 years of radio silence?'' ''Yep'' ''how?'' ''I got stuck in what they call the Quantum Realm'' ''What the hell is that?'' you mumbeled, ''Alright so, that realm is a microscopic universe on its own and if you want to be there you have to be really tiny. Time works different there and basically I got stuck there'' ''What do you mean time works different there?'' you asked to him. ''Well, I was missing for 5 years right'' you hummed in agreement, ''but for me it was 5 hours. So I thought what if we can navigate that universe and can enter it at a certain point in time but then exit the realm at another point of time.'' Your eyes widend and your brain couldn't proces it really, ''I don't understand what you mean and that doesn 't make ant sense Scott'' he sighed and then said: ''Timetravel'' ''Like back into the future type of thing?'' you said to him, ''Wait how do you know about back into the future Y/N?'' said Natasha surprised, you turned to Natasha ''I saw it on the television ofcourse!'' Steve furrowed his brows and said: ''How have I never heard of that movie?'' you shrugged your shoulders and focused your attention back to Scott. ''So how do you guys want to timetravel, I still don't understand how you guys want to do this but I'm in.''

At the compound

After you guys could convince Bruce to help, things had happend quickly. First of all he was green, that was pretty weird for you and for the rest of your team. He explained to your group that he emerged himself and the Hulk together, you were pretty grossed out about this and was scared to asked how he did that. Secondly, you couldn't convince Tony to help out wich was disappointing but not surprising, after all you two held contact and you knew that he had a family. You understood that he was scared to loose his life or his family so you didn't try to persuade him into helping your group instead you were chatting with Pepper. Thirdly, without Tony's help was Bruce all alone on how to make this time travel thing. You hoped that he knew how to make this thing, but you weren't so sure about it. Scott was the test person and when he was gone you thought it finally worked but instead he was a teenager, then he was a baby, then he was a grandpa and then he was finally back to normal. There was panic and not just a little! Natasha was relieved when she saw that Scott went back to normal and Bruce spread his arms out and said proud: ''Timetravel!"

''But it didn't work really work'' you noticed, ''yes but also no'' Steve shaked his head and then Bruce said: ''What? I see this as an absolutle win''

Night time

A radio was playing a soft melody. The woman who you stared at didn't move a muscle, she looked like a dear in headlights. Time moved slow, to slow for her and sweat was forming on her forehead. You didn't even knew her name or why you were here, you only knew you had one job. The room reeked of blood and it was coated on the floor, you raised your arm and pulled the trigger before she could even scream. You could hear her body fall, finally you woke up and you could hear your heart racing. You clenched your jaw and stepped out of your bed, your feet touching the soft floor, you hummed softly trying to calm yourself. But you couldn't hear yourself, all you heard was the soft tune of the radio. Shuffling in the dark is never easy, your fingers touched a wall and your eyes went wide. Blood, why was there blood on the wall. You squeezed your eyes and then you saw the pattern on the wall. It was dark green with little leaves and flowers on it, your hand flew towards your mouth when you realised you were not in your bedroom anymore. You turned your head and then everything went back to normal. You didn't saw the blood splatters and the wallpaper anymore but you were in your bedroom?

The next day

A lot happend during the day, Tony showed up out of nowhere. Thor was back, who looked like shit. Rhodey suggested to go back in time when Thanos was a baby and to strangle him, which you found very amusing and Clint showed up with tattoos and a sad background that he killed people just because his family passed away. Everyone grieves differently I guess, some people like me you thought are gonna live in solitude and other people are gonna kill people for the fun of it. So now you were lying on the floor next to Bruce, Natasha and Tony trying to figure out where the stones are. Tony, Bruce and you were arguing about which place and time is the most convienent but Natasha broke your quabble. ''Guys, if you pick the right year there are three stones in new York'' ''Shut the fuck up'' ''You're a genius you know that right'' ''Whoah'' were the three things that were said in unison to her.

After five years you finally wore your suit again. The med pack on your bag felt familiar and you almost forgot how thick the leather was, the only bad side was that you now had to wear a mask. On your wrist was a watch and after twenty explanations from Tony you understood how to work with that thing, above your suit you wore another suit were you would timetravel in. You are going to travel with Tony, Scott and Steve to New York 2012 because Tony could help you with your suit when you didn 't knew how to work with it. ''Can someone please explain to me why I would have to wear a mask again?'' Actually you did know why, because the four of you didn't want to risk that 2012 Steve would regconise you. The Avengers and you were walking in unison and you guys formed a circle. Natasha and Steve looked at eachother and she said to him smiling: ''See you in a minute'' a machine whirred above you and you clicked on a button to summone your helmet and then you were shrinking.

It was a really weird experience to say atleast, your tummy was doing cartwheels and you felt your fingers (but not from your vibranium arm) tingling. You saw blue everywhere and it looked like honeycombs. You marveled at this, but then someone's elbow went into your ribs and you flew out of the orbit. Instead of going right with the others you went straight ahead. Shit, shit shit! But everything went so fast you didn't even had more time to think about it. A flash happend and you had your eyes shut. Your vibranium arm was stuck into something but not for long, whatever your arm was in was ripping and flew down with you. You could hear yells and cursing and then you fell on the ground. Well, not ground but on wood? You heard it crack underneath you and you thought you had fallen through the floor. Something is strange here, you didn't hear any cars, you didn't hear airplanes and you certainly didn't smell the fumes. You sniffed again, and you regconised it, it was salty and now your ears heard the soft waves of the ocean. You were on the ocean, you cracked one eye open and right in your face was a small man with dirt on his cheeks and wearing a mullet. ''Witch! A witch is on our ship!'' Fuck.

[ultimatebethylficlist]

Veteran Author of The Month: June 2021

The featured veteran author for June is also a co-admin right here at UBFL: SquishyCool (or @im-immortal )!

SquishyCool can be found on AO3 and FFN under the same penname.

When asked what got her into Bethyl and what the fandom means to her, she said:

I’ve been a hardcore TWD fan since the show began airing, but that’s because of my love for zombies. In all honesty, I didn’t really ship anyone for the first 3-4 seasons. I kind of shipped Daryl with Carol, but then it became clear that it was a platonic relationship and in all honesty, I just wanted to see them both get some action lmao. Then the prison fell... and in those first moments of “Still,” when we see Beth and Daryl running and running and finally collapsing on the ground, breathless and exhausted... the butterflies started. Something clicked and I immediately thought, “uh oh.” The rest is history, especially considering how “Still” and “Alone” played out. I can’t explain how or why I’m still so heavily invested, especially considering my last 2 fandoms only kept my attention for about 2-3 years each, but here I am. And I love it! I am so incredibly grateful for the Bethyl fandom because not only has it helped me improve my writing so much more than I ever could have imagined, but it has also introduced me to some of the most amazing people, including someone who I now consider one of my very best friends! It’s my happy place :)

For her personal fic rec list, she recommends:

In The Maw by ronsparkyspeirs

Way Down We Go by LeathernLaces

Surfacing by lindentree

Wild Things (The Moonshine Poet) by Abelina

The Gift by Feliz

The Man Who Can't Be Moved by burningupasun

New Experiences Series by wallflow3r

Whisper Softly to Me by taylorcatherine

Interstice by leftmywingshome

To Love Like a Man by Seraphique

Death, Death (i defy thee) by alamorn

In My Blood by Courtneyshortney82

Let the Good Times Roll by gutsforgarters

Resolved by Allatariel

the weight of these wings by peachthorns

all my spaces are filled with you by annabeth_writes

A Little Jailbreak with the Little Jailbait by wandering_gypsy_feet

between the beginning and the end by sheriffandsteel

SquishyCool’s Works & Personal Thoughts:

Dirty Fingernails and Dried Blood Summary: What happened during the months between "Still" and "Alone"? Beth uses the last pages of her diary to write down every detail of surviving with Daryl. Thoughts: My first Bethyl fanfic. It holds a special place in my heart for that reason, though it is pretty rough. If I could go back, I never would’ve done it entirely in first-person. But I do plan to finish it one day. There are some scenes I’m particularly proud of, and I still have a long note full of ideas and plot points.

Most Wanted Summary: After Beth’s mother and half-brother are murdered in a drug war, the godly veil on the Greene Family operation is lifted, and law enforcement comes down hard. In an effort to protect her family, Beth commits a heinous crime that could mean life in prison alongside them. Now everyone she’s ever trusted is in police custody and her only chance at freedom is to get as far away from Atlanta as she can... Thoughts: Well, this is a must-read if you like my writing. I hope to one day convert this into an original fiction and maybe get it published, but I need to finish it first LOL. I got the idea from ONE scene of “Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt,” and from there, it exploded into a huge mystery thriller (with lots of romance and smut). I’m really really proud of it, and I’m scared I’ll fuck it up tbh, so I keep putting off continuing it. But I really need to get back to it because I really want people to see what I have planned! (Also, this fic is the reason @courtneyshortney82​ started talking to me, so that alone is pretty historic lmao)

The Crow’s Song Summary: Beth and Daryl spend a few more days together in the funeral home and come to terms with all they've lost along the way. But soon, they must decide what comes next. Thoughts: This fic... this fucking fic. It took me a full year to write. I made numerous edits. I even got a little depressed while I was writing the last two chapters, and my bf didn’t know why until he read what I’d been writing lol. It’s honestly the Bethyl fic I’ve always wanted to write but just didn’t know how. I’m still really really proud of how it turned out.

Carnival Games Summary: Daryl is a traveling carnival worker and Beth is a barely legal farmer's daughter looking for a night of fun when the carnival comes to town. Thoughts: Omg this fic is so fun!! One of my first Bethyl fics, and one of my first Bethyl smut fics. Short, sweet, a little funny, and a lot hot. I am still impressed with myself on this one, especially considering how much my writing has improved since lol

Breathe. Please. Summary: Beth shows up at the Hilltop. Alive. Daryl can hardly believe his eyes. Until she's lying in his bed, an arm's reach away. And he can hear her inhaling... exhaling... inhaling... Thoughts: Another “fix-it” that I’m proud of. Tbh I didn’t think it was anything all that special, but a lot of readers have said it’s one of their favorites, and some say they reread it regularly, and nothing makes me happier than hearing that, so I am extremely proud.

picking @ scabs Summary: Sometimes, no matter how much you love someone, being with them just isn't right. But what wouldn't you give for it to be right? Can someone like Daryl learn how to swallow his pride and stop repeating the same mistakes over and over? Can someone like Beth learn to fight off her demons and allow him to get close enough to hurt her again? How can they stay away from each other when it's all too easy to fall back into one another? Picking a scab will leave a scar, but they both have so many scars already... what's a few more? Thoughts: This fic is very, very personal for me. It’s like my “therapy” fic. I have poured some of my deepest feelings and struggles into its chapters, and the whole idea that got me to start it was that I wanted to find a way to navigate and cope with ending my 3-year long relationship with my emotionally/mentally/sometimes physically abusive ex. I still have a lot of fond memories from that relationship, but even more so, I have painful memories. Not to mention, going through your early 20s as a woman in the modern day is a fuckin’ trip, so this kind of explores that. It’s really self-indulgent, I think, but I’m really proud of the smut in it. And more than that, I’m proud of the response. I’ve had a few people message me or comment to say that they’ve felt all those things, or have experienced similar things, and it’s really just... relieving. I put my heart and soul out there, and what I got back was “you’re not alone.” So yeah, this fic is special. I wanna finish it soon, but I have to be in A Mood to do so. 

In Toto Corde Summary: Despite a million reasons not to, Beth and Daryl fell in love. Then he made the ultimate sacrifice in order to keep all of his promises. Now, facing unimaginable consequences at the hands of witch hunters, Beth has no choice but to use her powers to bring Daryl back from the dead. "He won't be the same..." Thoughts: I LOVE THIS FIC. I love it so much that I had to rewrite it after like 4 or 5 years. And I already started on a sequel that I really hope I’m able to finish. Though it doesn’t have many hits, and I don’t think many people have read it at all, which I understand since it basically is entirely focused around Daryl being killed. But damn, I’m proud of this one, and it was really fucking fun to write because witch!Beth is just... the best.

risk it all (part 1 of in for a penny, in for a pound) Summary: Daryl Dixon has a pretty decent life, all things considered. He's got his own place. A good dog. A few friends. Even a girlfriend. He keeps himself out of trouble. Until he starts texting Beth Greene. And hell, if he ain't about to risk it all for this damn girl. Thoughts: This was supposed to be one short multichapter fic focused entirely on smut and social media. Then I got on a roll and it ended up being the beginning of a series! This fic is purely fun. Nothing too serious or heavy. I write it when I’m in a Good Mood because it’s my little happy place. I have plans for about 4 more fics before the series will be finished!

Don’t Make Me Haunt You Summary: So here's the thing: Merle Dixon is dead as fuck. And as it turns out, Beth Greene is the only one who can see or hear him. Which is weird considering she's never met or even heard of this guy, let alone anyone with the last name Dixon. That's her first problem... Thoughts: The reception to this fic has absolutely blown me away. I had no idea anyone would want to read about ghost!Merle haunting Beth and forcing her to solve his murder with the help of his grumpy brother. And it was all inspired by an episode of South Park lmao then I started really getting into it and now it’s just like, my super fun fic where I explore a range of emotions and all kinds of religious beliefs and different mythologies and I can build the world however I want and goddamn I just love writing this fic. Plus there’s a podfic for it! I can’t even begin to explain how much I love this fic and how proud I am of it :)

[brelione]

Now That You’re Gone (The Best Boys)

Series Masterlist

NOT MY GIF

warnings:mentions of drugs, death, not proof read.also im pretty sure this is the longest chapter in the series.

 You didnt really remember coming back inside, waking up on the kitchen floor with your phone playing some random playlist.You slowly got up, looking into the living room.Rafe and Kelce were missing, Topper on the floor with his legs on the couch, drool on his chin.

You groaned, stumbling upstairs. “Kelce?”You called out, wondering if he had left. “WHAT?”He shouted from your bedroom, holding one of your pillows to his chest. “Nothing.”You replied, opening the door of the guest room as you searched for Rafe.

He was half asleep, eyes closing every couple of seconds as he stared at his phone, not even unlocking it yet. “Rafe?”You asked.He hummed, opening his eyes all the way. “Wha??”He asked, clearing his throat. “Just making sure you’re awake.”You replied, making your way back downstairs.

You didnt even question why Kelce was sleeping on your bed or why Topper was sleeping in the position that he was.It didnt seem that weird to you.But you couldnt understand why you had woken up on your kitchen floor with your phone playing music, feeling how hot the screen was.It had to have been playing for hours.You went to your texts, frowning when you saw a whole conversation that you couldnt recall having.

Unknown:She passed away this morning, the service is gonna be in mid august in venice.

You:What’d she pass from?

Unknown:Stroke.

You:Why is the service going to be so far from now?

Unknown:Cremation

You:wtf she never wanted cremation

Unknown:Thats what she said she wanted

You didnt need any context to know exactly what he was talking about.You werent surprised either, not feeling anything.You werent even shocked.You just sat there for a minute, letting out a sigh before checking all your other notifications.

Money was being transferred into your bank account, already having an additional 30k.You didnt even want to go to the funeral, it was stupid anyways.She had just left you like the selfish bitch she was.You got off the floor, going back up into your room.Kelce was more awake now, sitting up and scrolling through his instagram.

 “You okay?”He asked, noticing how you were walking a bit sideways almost like you were drunk.You hummed, opening your drawers and pulling out the first thing you saw.You quickly pulled off the shirt you were already wearing, too tired and disoriented to care that you werent wearing anything under it and that you were covered in hickies.

Kelce shriekedk, burying his face into the pillow.You ignored him, pulling on some baggy jeans. “Are you done?”He asked, voice muffled by the pillow. “My mom’s dead.”You replied, shrugging your shoulders.He frowned, looking up at you and studying your face, trying to figure out if you were serious.

 “Im sorry, sunshine.You okay?”He asked, opening his arms.You nodded, hugging him. “Yeah...its just...I dont know, is its bad that I dont miss her?It just feels wrong.”You admitted.Kelce nodded, understanding. 

“No, no, its fine, babes.She wasnt in your life that much so its totally normal.I think its good that you’re not upset, it means that you let go of that toxic part of your life.”He squeezed your shoulder lightly.You nodded, not sure if you believed him or not. 

“Yeah, I guess.”You shrugged, pulling out of the hug. “Im gonna go downstairs.”You told him, leaving your room and going down the steps, seeing Topper now completely on the floor.His eyes opened, looking up at you. “Hi.”He grinned, flipping onto his stomach.

You just looked down at him before heading into your kitchen, opening your fridge and pouring yourself a cup of juice, grabbing your vitamins and downing them with a sip of juice, sitting at your kitchen table.Topper frowned, getting up and stretching his long limbs, cracking his knuckles before coming up behind you, wrapping his arms around your shoulders.

You just sighed, leaning your head against his arm. “Did you sleep okay?”He asked, trying to figure out what was off about you.You just shrugged, looking up at him. “Did you sleep in one of the guest rooms?”He asked.You shook your head, turning in your seat so you could rest your arms on the chair.

His face wasnt far away from yours now, his casted arm resting on the chair as well. “Are the boys still asleep?”He asked. “Nope.”You answered.He glanced over at the staircase, almost like he was making sure they werent watching him. 

“Do you wanna do something today?”He asked, kissing your forehead lightly. “Like what?”You asked, not sure what he was planning in his mind. “I dunno...do you want to drive?”He suggested, a small smirk tugging at his lips.

You raised your eyebrows, surprised he’d even suggest such a thing. “Drive where?”You asked, curious.He shrugged, biting on his bottom lip. “We could go to Barnes and Noble or to Dunkin Donuts...we could go thrifting or rock hunting.”He grinned, tapping his fingers along the chair.You didnt know why it happened or why you got the sudden urge to do what you did, leaning up and kissing him.

He was surprised at first, freezing up for a moment before calming himself, his fingers lightly grazing your waist.He pulled back for a second, biting his lip and taking in a deep breath.You didnt say anything, messing around with his hair.

He let out a soft sigh, leaning down again, kissing you gently.Rafe made his way down the stairs, glancing into the kitchen before doing a double take, eyes widening.He just stood there for a second, gripping the railing.He quickly turned around, heading back upstairs.Fucking hell.You pulled away from Topper, his thumb running over your cheekbone, his face a bit pink. “So...Barnes and Noble?”You asked.

Topper jogged upstairs, grabbing his wallet, turning around and seeing Rafe standing in the doorway of the guest room. “Topper, why?”Rafe asked, sighing.Topper raised his eyebrows. “Why what?”He asked, feeling himself tense up. 

“You cant-you cant just….”Rafe muttered, realising there wasnt much he could say.THe two of you werent official, he wasnt allowed to be mad.Topper walked past him, heading towards your bedroom to talk to Kelce. “(Y/N) and I are heading to the bookstore, you want anything?”Topper asked.Kelce raised his eyebrows, looking down at his phone.

 “Did she tell you what happened?”Kelce asked.Topper shook his head, confused. “Her mum died...dont tell her that I told you, I think she needs a good distraction.”Kelce got up, patting Topper on the shoulder.Kelce was heading towards Rafe, figuring that he should know too.

 “Why wouldnt she want Topper and I to know?”Rafe asked.Kelce shrugged, not knowing an actual answer.THat explained why you started showing a ton of affection towards Topper, you just needed something to occupy your mind.But Rafe could occupy your mind so much better.What did Topper have that Rafe didnt?Blonde hair?

You werent as nervous to drive anymore, knowing to take the back roads.Topper had the volume of the radio at 5, playing some music from his old study playlist.It was mainly indie music and anything that made him feel like a main character even though he would never admit it.

He was looking out his window at the passing trees, looking over to you every couple of seconds.The Barnes and Noble in Outer Banks was on the smaller side since not a lot of people went to it.You pulled into the parking lot, letting out a sigh of relief. “You okay?”Topper chuckled, reaching over and squeezing your hand. “Yeah.”You replied, smiling at him.

THe two of you entered the store, seeing the table of best sellers and new releases.He gripped your hand tightly, guiding you over to the fantasy section.His other arm was resting in his sling, looking over the different titles. “I know that they have a uh….uh….shit.Loki!They have a Loki book!”He exclaimed, proud of himself.You smiled, your thumb tapping his palm as your eyes scanned over all the book covers.You turned around, looking at the other shelf when something else caught your eye.

“Rafe-are you serious right now?I thought you were trying to get clean!”Kelce exclaimed, seeing the other lines that Rafe had prepared for himself.Rafe shrugged, leaning down towards the countertop when Kelce smacked the side of his head.

 “RAFE!What the hell is wrong with you?Put the bill down, now.”Kelce demanded.Rafe glared at him for a moment, tossing the twenty onto the countertop before stepping back. “What?”Rafe asked, taking in a deep breath. “Talk to me, man.You’re doing this for a reason, right?Why dont you just tell me the reason.”Kelce suggested, sitting down at the counter across from Rafe. 

“FUCKING TOPPPER IS THE REASON, ALRIGHT?”Rafe shouted, slamming his fists down. “HE’S NOT RIGHT FOR HER!HES NOT!AND I COME DOWN STAIRS AND HES ALL OVER HERE AND ITS FUCKING DISGUSTING!HE GETS ALL FUCKING PISSED WHENEVER IM AROUND HER BUT WHENEVER HE DOES IT ITS FINE.AND-AND NOW I CANT-I CANT BE ALONE AGAIN!HE CANT TAKE HER AWAY!”Rafe shouted, his voice getting squeaky and his eyes getting watery. “And I know-I know that I cant be mad at him but its so hard!Do you think she even cares about me?Like at all?”Rafe asked, hands shaking as he reached for the dollar bill again.

Kelce gripped his wrist, shaking his head. “Rafe, dont.You cant just snort some coke and have all your problems go away.She does care about you, I can promise you that.But its not her job to constantly validate you, you gotta do that for yourself.And we cant be dependent on her all the time, its not good for her and its not good for any of us.I shouldnt have done what i did last night but to be honest I think we were all in the wrong.This cant tear us all apart and be honest with yourself, you knew this would happen too.I always knew she was gonna have to pick one of us, I fucking knew it.Theres no way we can all be happy, everyones gonna be upset no matter what and as much as it sucks its the truth.But is coke gonna fix any of that?No.”Kelce finished, staring back at Rafe.

He was speechless, a few tears slipping down his face. “Im pretty sure she doesnt even want a relationship.Dont tell her that I told you this, okay?But….in the hospital elevator she told me that she didnt want to date you.I dont think she wants to date anyone and we’re gonna have to respect that.Fuck, im contradicting myself, arent I?I doesnt matter.I dont think any of us are stable to be in a relationship, we’re all so fucked up right now.”Kelce thought out loud, letting out a sigh. 

“Kelce.”Rafe choked out, taking in a shaky breath.Kelce raised his eyebrows, not sure what to expect. “The thing that (Y/N) and I have isnt the same as the thing you guys have.After yesterday I thought-I thought she saw me different, you know?I just...I thought I was special.”Rafe muttered, pinching his nostrils shut.Kelce frowned, not really understanding. “What did you do yesterday?”Kelce asked, thinking of all the possibilities and hoping he wasnt right.Rafe huffed, trembling as he spoke. “We slept together.”He replied, watching Kelce’s eyes widen, jaw dropping.

You and Topper stood in line, seeing his eyes widen when he saw Pope Heyward and JJ Maybank only a few feet away, the two of them bickering as they looked at notebooks.Topper almost let a rude comment slip out, reminding himself that he was with you.

JJ looked over his shoulder, smacking Pope when he saw the two of you. “Pope, Pope, Pope!Look-its (Y/N).”JJ grinned, looking back over to you.You squeezed Topper’s hand, looking over to JJ and flashing him a small smile. 

“Hi, JJ.”You spoke quietly, not wanting to be too loud in a bookstore. “Hi.”He waved, biting his lip before looking back down at the notebooks. “Hi.”Pope nodded, embarrassed.Topper didnt say anything, tapping his foot.The two pogues rushed off, laughing quietly.

You and Topper got back into your car, satisfied with the books and movies you two had picked out.He wanted to get the first movie he saw that just happened to be The Outsiders.You found a few realistic fiction books, deciding to get them along with a small raccoon plushie and a dinosaur bookmark for Kelce.

You ddint know why you had picked them, figuring it would make them smile.The two of you just sat in the car for a few minutes, not really ready to leave the parking lot yet. “Hey, do you wanna draw on my cast later?”He asked, becoming bored of looking at the same bland, bulky cast that clung to his arm.You nodded, carefully grabbing his hand.

Your palm was over his cast, his fingers closing around yours with a small smile on his face.The two of you sat in silence for a few minutes before you started up your car, Topper removing his hand from yours so you could drive properly.

He was playing the same song on loop for hours, hoping you wouldnt notice.He didnt know why he liked it so much, the beat and the overall vibe of it calmed him.Of course you noticed, starting to wonder how long the song was that it could be going on for fifteen minutes straight.

You didnt have a problem with it, glad that it calmed him and that it wasnt a terrible song.

He was half asleep, deciding to open one of the books you got, rereading the same line eleven times.He yawned, reading it again.He could never understand how you could keep up with storylines so well when you couldnt even remember something that had happened just last week.

You were driving ten under the speed limit, carefully pulling into your driveway. “You did a good job.”Topper kissed your forehead lightly, smiling.He lingered for a second, glancing down at your lips.

You rested your forehead against his, your thumb rubbing little circles along the side of his neck.He slowly leaned forward, pulling away a second later.His hand made its way to the back of your neck, kissing you again.

He wasnt as nervous this time but was still pretty nervous, not wanting to mess up or embarass himself.You were the one to pull away this time, taking in a deep breath. “We should go inside.”You told him, messing around with the hair on the back of his head.

He nodded, not moving yet.You eventually let go of him, taking your keys out and grabbing your Barnes and Noble bag, getting out of the car.He came with you, seeing Kelce and Rafe sitting in the kitchen, seeming to be in a deep conversation that had been interrupted by your entrance. “Hey.”You grinned at them, putting your bag down on the counter.

Rafe couldnt even bring himself to smile, feeling too exhausted.You pouted, trying to figure out what was wrong.His eyes were slightly puffy, his lips slightly red like he had been biting at them.He had been crying for a reason that you couldnt quite place, not wanting to push him to tell you what had happened.

Instead you reached into the bag, pulling out the plushie and pushing it into his chest before he could see exactly what it was.He looked down at it, laughing quietly.It had large, purple glittery eyes and a little tag with a link to a website.

He grabbed your waist, pulling you so that he could rest his head on your stomach.You gulped, sucking in your gut ever so slightly and hoping that he wouldnt notice.You raised your eyebrows at Kelce, looking down at Rafe, trying to ask silently what had happened.Kelce simply shook his head, placing a finger over his lips.

You nodded, running your fingers through Rafes hair, dragging your fingertips down his jaw, the bridge or his nose and his temple, feeling his arms getting tired as he relaxed, now draped around your hips.Topper sat down on the couch, holding the dvd in his hands as he waited for a time to watch it.

Rafe loved having you around, his breathing getting steady as you massaged his scalp.He knew that it was wrong to want to be in your arms when you had been kissing another guy but you just took such good care of him, of everyone.

You reached over to the bag, throwing the book mark at Kelce’s face. “Thanks.”He smiled, looking at all the little dinosaurs.He didnt read physical books too often but he always loved getting something new to add to his (Y/N) box. 

“Can you guys please come watch this movie with me?”Topper asked, peeling at his cuticles.Kelce got up, looking over to you and Rafe before nodding towards Topper, wanting to make sure that you two didnt get too caught up with eachother.

Kelce took the dvd from Kelce, putting it into your dvd player and switching the HDMI before sitting down on the couch, surprised when you chose to cuddle up next to him.He was relieved that you werent hesitant about giving them affection now that you knew the truth, resting his hand on your back.

Rafe rested at the end of the couch, poking at your knee cap, a grin on his face as he tried to annoy you.Topper sat on the floor, his head against the couch so you could reach out and fluff of his golden locks if you wanted to.The credits were at the beginning of the movie, all of you guys remaining quiet as you watched the screen.

 “Didnt we read this book in 7th grade?”Topper asked, putting the pieces together.You hummed, tapping Kelce’s chest. “Nope, I read it to you guys while you pretended to listen.”You corrected.Once Dally showed up on screen all the boys had turned to look at you, waiting for you to fall in love. 

“Come on, (Y/N)!Isnt that one your type!He’s brunette and just got out of jail!”Kelce pointed out.You grinned, shrugging. “He’s okay.”You replied, surprising them. “Hey, do you guys want to make a blanket fort later?”You asked, feeling bored with the set up of the living room.

They nodded, agreeing. “Yeah, okay.”Rafe nodded.It wasnt until the scene of Ponyboy’s parents getting into a car accident that anyone spoke again, Topper laughing. “Same.”He pointed at the tv, hoping you guys would laugh too.Kelce was the first to laugh, nodding. “We should sue the for stealing your plot line.”He grinned.Rafe chuckled, sighing.

 “Let me just call my lawyer, oh wait, my phone drowned.”He laughed again, looking over to you to make sure that you werent taking it to seriously.You simply grinned, rolling your eyes. “If I were a character in this who would I be?”Rafe asked, his head against your thigh.You hummed, thinking. “I dunno….I think Kelce would be Darry for sure but I think you would be Ponyboy cause you’re dumb.”You grinned at him, knowing you were about to get attacked.

He scoffed, climbing on top of you and laying down on top of you, his head on your stomach and his legs on top of yours, nearly crushing you. “You’re gonna kill me!’You exclaimed, flicking him repeatedly.He pouted, getting comfy.

Your phone began to ring but you chose to ignore it, figuring it was your uncle calling to ask if you were coming to Italy.The others followed your lead, ignoring it too.They were all there with you, it wasnt like anyone else really mattered.It wasnt until it rang for the eighth time that you finally picked up, whispering for Kelce to pause the movie as you held the phone to your ear, waiting for the person to say something first. 

“hello?”A deep voice asked.You frowned, not recognizing it. “What?”You asked, hoping it wasnt your uncle. “Um...is this (Y/N) (Y/L/N)?”The voice asked and you could hear tapping in the background. “yeah.”You replied, not wanting to give away anymore information.

 “This is your father.”THe voice spoke, letting out a sigh right after it. “I heard that your mother died, how are you doing?”He asked.Rafe was tapping at your thigh, trying to ask who it was, shutting up when you placed your hand over his face.

“How do I know you’re not lying?”You asked, feeling the boys all staring at you. “Do you know where your birth certificate is?”He asked.You hummed, pushing Rafe off of you and standing up, jogging up the stairs and opening the door to your mothers room.

It hadnt been touched for only the gods know how long, the ceiling fan gathering bits of dust along with all the cabinets and the tv screen.You opened her file cabinet, finding your birth certificate and placing it in front of you.

 “Do you see the name of the father?”He asked, waiting for your response. “Yeah.”You replied.Matthew Islands. “Does it say Matthew Islands?”He asked.Fucking hell. “Yeah.”You answered. “Theres your proof.”He replied.You gulped, sitting down entirely. 

“No, you have no proof that that’s your real name.”You replied, just hoping that this wasnt true.You couldnt handle this on top of everything else. “Would a liscense and my birth certificate be enough proof?”He asked.You held your breath, wanting to hang up and block his number so you’d never have to think about him ever again.

 “Your uncle gave me your address.I could come over and bring all of my documents if you want.”He answered.Your heart dropped into your stomach, eyes going wide. “No, do not come to my house.If I want to meet you i’ll meet you at a public place.”You replied, not liking the idea of some old dude you had never met that claimed to be your dad coming to your home.

 “Alright, where would that be?”He asked.You jogged back downstairs, staring outside your window. “What-where are you right now?”You asked. “Im at a hotel near the country club.”He told you.You sighed, sitting down on the floor. 

“The turtle beach...five thirty.”You suggested, breath shaky as you waited. “Okay, i’ll bring everything.”He replied, waiting for you to hang up.You hung up quickly, putting your phone down with a huff. “Who was that?”Topper asked. 

“My father.”You replied, shocking them all.Kelce sat up straight, raising his eyebrows. “And you’re meeting him?”Kelce asked, wanting to make sure he was hearing you correctly and he hadnt lost his mind. “Well, not alone.You guys are coming with me.”You told them, figuring that they already knew. 

“If he’s a psychopath im gonna be pissed.”You grumbled, standing back up. “And apparently my uncle gave him my address so now he knows where I live so now he can just show up whenever and hes gonna bring his ID and his birth certificate and I guess he’s been in OBX this whole time so its possible that I already know him which is just fucking weird.This is so weird-I dont even want to meet him!Like who the hell calls the day that their ex lover dies to tell their kid that they’re actually around in the same place and have been this whole time and didnt even try to help raise me?God, I hate this!”You exclaimed, pacing around.

 “Well at least you’ll be safe if you’re meeting him in a public place!Plus, if you meet him and you just want to leave we can leave.And if you dont feel safe staying here you could always come over to my house.”Kelce reminded you.You nodded, sighing.

 “But think about it, why would he be gone all those years?What has he been doing with his life?And why wouldnt my mom want me to know about him?He probably is a psychopath and thats why im so fucked in the head.”You laughed, trying to calm your self. 

“And like, I feel like something is just wrong, you know?I dont even know what it just doesnt feel right.Like mom was never here anyways but with her being like….gone gone it just feels like im being watched.Its gross.”You ranted, pulling at your fingers.

 “So why dont you just leave?You dont have to stay here everyday, we can just start hanging out at Rafe’s and eating all of his food.”Topper grinned.You shrugged, walking into your kitchen and walking around in a loop before coming back.

 “I feel like I cant leave.I dont know why.”You explained. “How about we just ditch your dad and have a sleepover at my house?We can go to the grocery store and play mario kart and we can watch Criminal Minds.”Rafe spoke softly, knowing his father couldnt yell at him if you were over.

 “Your dad doesnt like me.”You told him, looking for any excuse to stay home. “Are you kidding?You’re the most responsible, of course he likes you!Sarah likes you too!And you can come see the new lights I got for my room-do you wanna go to the thrift store and get some records for me to hang on my walls?”He asked, hoping you’d agree. 

“You could pick out a few less hideous shirts for me!I know you hate my pastel ones.”Kelce replied.With all of them trying to convince you the idea was becoming more appealing. “Okay...let me just pack a bag.”You muttered, going back upstairs and into your bedroom, grabbing a mint blue backpack and opening your drawers, grabbing some pajama shorts, a t shirt, some sweatpants, deodorant and a hairbrush.

Rafe came upstairs to grab the stuff that he had brought to your house, figuring he should do his laundry. “You okay?”He asked, watching as you zipped your bag.You nodded, taking in a deep breath. “Why does so much happen in my life?I feel like the universe is specifically after me.”You mumbled, feeling his strong arms around you, leaning against him. 

“I know how it feels, chip.It’ll take a little while but you’ll feel better eventually, just promise me you wont hurt yourself.”He whispered into your neck, kissing your jaw lightly.You shivered, your hands falling over his, letting out a soft sigh. 

“I know.”You replied, closing your eyes as he kissed up and down your neck lightly. “You can always come over, you know.You dont have to call or anything, doesnt even matter if im home or not.”He pressed a kiss to your cheek, grinning when you turned your head so he could kiss you properly, letting out a low sigh.

He stood for a while, his warm hands running up and down your body, humming to you.He didnt know what song he was humming but he was almost positive that it was from a disney movie. “Are you humming something from The Lion King?”you asked.He nodded, kissing your forehead.

 “Can you feel the love tonight, The peace the evening brings, The world for once in perfect harmony, With all its living things.”He sang softly, remembering what the song was.He remembered you singing it constantly, getting the song stuck in your head for weeks.

You grinned, biting your lip as he blushed, continuing to sing. “He's holding back, he's hiding, But what, I can't decide, Why won't he be the king I know he is?The king I see inside?”You sang quietly, turning so you could hide your face in his shirt, giggling.

He turned bright red, squeezing you for a few seconds before letting go. “Lets get going so that we can make Kelce wear a blouse.”He smiled, grabbing your bag for you.Topper was taking the movie out of your dvd player and putting it back in its case, grabbing the barnes and noble bag and throwning Rafe his raccoon.

 “I will drive.”Kelce announced, opening the door and leading the group out to Rafe’s truck, getting inside.You and Rafe decided to sit in the backseat while Topper sat up front, controlling the music.Rafe’s hand rested on your thigh, tapping his fingertips on your kneecap to the sound of the music.

You reached out, playing with his fingers, tapping them and watching them wiggle.He sighed, not understanding why you were so entertained. “Where am I going?Grocery store or thrift store?”Kelce asked, pulling out of your driveway. “Thrift store.”Topper replied quickly.

Kelce nodded, trying his best to drive smoothly and avoid any bumps.Rafe moved as close as he could to you so he could get his arm around your waist, his other arm across your thighs as he rested his head in the crook of your neck.

Usually he wouldnt be this touchy with you when the boys were right there.Your heart skipped a beat as he started to kiss your collarbone and the side of your neck, biting softly as the tip of his tongue swirled around your skin.

You just had to hope the others wouldnt notice.Kelce parked the truck as he pulled into the parking lot of the thrift store, the four of you hopping out.Topper stayed close to you as you guys walked around the store.Rafe was incredibly out of his element, not used to stores that werent cleaned head to toe with music playing from speakers.

Walmart was one thing for him to get used to but a thrift store was a whole other thing.You grabbed a large yellow shirt, looking through the t shirts before you heard Kelce let out an excited shout, rushing over to you with a purple dress.

 “Dinosaurs!Dinosaurs!Dinosaurs!Come one, please!You have to get this!”He exclaimed.You sighed, taking it from him. “Did you check the size?”You asked. “That’ll fit you fine, your body dysmorphia just needs to shut the fuck up.”Topper kissed your forehead, holding up the dress before looking back over to you.

 “This’ll be perfect with those black boots you have and the frilly socks!You know the ones im talking about, right?Like they look like they were made with a wedding dress.”He thought out loud.You nodded, not really agreeing but you didnt have the heart to tell him that.

Rafe came into the isle, a large leopard print jacket in his hand. “Kelceeeeee.”He smirked, holding it up.Kelce’s face dropped, shaking his head. “No.”He replied. “Please?”You asked, pouting ever so slightly.Kelce sighed.

 “I hate you.”He muttered, taking the jacket.You left the thrift store with a dinosaur dress, a fancy tea cup, a dog lamp, and a large hawaiian shirt.After spending forty minutes at looking at records you had convinced Rafe to hang up album covers too since you had found a few disney ones.

 “Why dont you take them then?”He suggested, not wanting to have Anna and Elsa on his wall. “No, you need them.”You replied.Kelce was pretty mad about the giant stack of yellow, leopard print, hawaiian shirts and striped tank tops.

 “You’re such a bully.”he grumbled as you placed a holographic hat on his head. “Yeah but you still love me, right?”You giggled.The grocery store wasnt any better, Topper deciding to sit in the cart while Rafe tossed bags of chips at his face. 

“Hey, dont do that.You could hit his head.”You told him.Topper grinned, reaching out and pulling you by the back of your shirt so he could hug you.You placed a kiss on his forehead, asking what kind of chips he wanted. 

“Can we get cantalope?”Kelce asked, already putting one in the cart.Rafe was stumbling around a little, taking in a deep breath. “Hey, you okay?”You asked, placing your hands on his shoulders to steady him.He nodded. 

“Yeah, yeah im fine.”He replied, just as confused as you.You didnt really believe him, gripping his jaw and staring into his eyes, noticing how they were dialated.

 “Can you sit down please?”You asked him, pushing on his shoulders slightly. “We’re in a store.”He muttered. “Rafe, its fine.Just sit please.”You repeated.He sat on the floor, not sure what you were doing.

You sat across from him, pretending to read cereal boxes as a group walked by. “How much did you take?”You asked him.He gulped, trying to think back. “Umm...I dont know.”He replied.

 “How much do you usually take?”You asked. “Like...one or two.”He answered.You nodded, taking in a deep breath. “What can happen if you take too much?Do you think you overdosed?”You asked, keeping your voice quiet.

He shook his head. “No...no...I took like...six lines a few weeks ago.”He replied, realising how bad it sounded. “Okay...okay so what do we do?Should you drink water or-or-ummm okay.Can you see and hear?”You asked, not knowing what to do.He nodded, gulping. 

“I feel fine, like im fine.But it’s just weird.I dunno.Just dont worry about it.”He muttered, slowly standing back up.You tried to hurry the rest of the shopping trip, making them go through self checkout so it wouldnt take so long.

You grabbed a cold mountain dew for Rafe, tugging him by his arm over to the truck as fast as you could, making him chug the drink.He let out a loud burp, laughing right after. “See?Im fine.”He grinned, trying to convince you more than himself. 

“Why’d you get high in the first place?”You asked.He shrugged, going to hug you when you pushed him away. “Rafe, im serious.”You tried your best to sound assertive, worried that you might sound like his father. 

“I know.......I just went too long without anything.”He lied.You knew he was lying but you didnt say anything else, reaching for his hand to let him know that you werent mad at him.

He rested his head against your shoulder, his other arm resting on your leg, taking in deep breaths. “im sorry, princess.Im so sorry.”He whispered.You simply kissed the top of his head.

 “I know you are, Rafe.But you gotta be better, you guys are all I have and we already almost lost Topper, we cant lose you too.”You told him.He nodded, feeling the truck move a bit as Topper and Kelce got in.

Rain started to fall, the light in the car slightly blue as Rafe’s eyes slowly closed, falling asleep against your shoulder.Topper played a sad song on low volume, liking the vibe that he had created.

Kelce seemed to have forgot where he was going, pulling into a cumberland farms parking lot, sighing.All of you just sat for a moment, breathing and listening to the music.

Kelce took in a deep breath before backing out again, humming along to the song before pulling up at Rafe’s house.You rubbed Rafe’s back to wake him up, kissing his forehead lightly.

There were only a few bags, Kelce grabbing them all before heading over to the door, all of you guys getting inside and taking off your shoes. “Rafe-where have you-”Ward started, looking over to see you, Topper and Kelce before closing his mouth. 

“I see you brought friends.”Was all he had to say, rolling up his sleeves to his elbows to show off a watch.Rafe nodded, gripping your hand. “You have to babysit Wheezie tonight.No funny buisiness.”He said strictly, dissapearing.

Rafe glared at the wall. “Fucking idiot.”He grumbled, heading upstairs.You took a deep breath, following him with Topper and Kelce close behind you and into his room.Kelce placed the bags down, sitting on the floor.

 “Lets just wait for Ward to leave, then we can go into the living room.”Rafe muttered, taking the record covers and sliding the records out, letting you use the double sided tape to stick them to his wall.

His walls were a light gray that matched his carpet, his sheets white and his comforter blue.He had a few pictures of you and the boys on his nightstand, his hamper in the corner and a tv on his wall.

You could understand why he’d want to make it less bland, sticking the record covers along the wall, trying to make them in a rainbow order.It mustve been 5:30 since your phone wouldnt stop going off but you couldnt care less, turning off your ringer.

Once you heard the front door slam loudly and Ward’s car start up a smile came across your face.Once you hung the last record Rafe had thrown you over his shoulder, tossing you onto the couch.

 “RAFE!”Wheezie shouted, coming out of her room and storming downstairs, freezing up when she saw the four of you. “Yeah?”Rafe asked.She frowned, turning around and going back upstairs.

Kelce had pulled you into his lap, watching as Rafe flicked through the cameras, stopping on Nickelodeon.You had no idea why you guys had even gone grocery shopping since Rafe was planning on ordering pizza anyways, texting Wheezie to ask what she wanted.

Zoey 101 was playing, Kelce laughing for some reason. “Hey, you should do a little fashion show for us.”Topper grinned, remembering all the clothes.Kelce groaned, getting up and going upstairs.

You went upstairs as well, explaining that you had to show him how the outfits were supposed to go.He was laughing as you told him to put on the rainbow sweater with the leopard print jacket on top of it. 

“This looks terrible!”He exclaimed, telling you you could turn around now. “Its not that bad!”You laughed, moving forward to fix the collar of the sweater.He took in a shallow breath, not used to you standing so close.

He didnt even think about it, leaning forward and kissing you lightly.You were surprised, not really knowing how to react.You held onto the sweater collar tightly, pulling away. 

“Um....you still need to put on the hat.”You muttered, grabbing the holographic hat and placing it on top of his head.He cleared his throat, turning and looking in the mirror with a frown on his face.

 “Come on, dont be like that.Its not gonna look good if you’re grumpy.”You told him.He sighed, following you downstairs.Topper was recording, zooming in on Kelce’s grumpy face. “It looks great!Now give us a spin.”He grinned, watching as Kelce put out his arms and spun around. 

“I know, I look fantastic.”Kelce replied, putting his hands in the pockets of the jacket.He sat down on the couch, ignoring the squeak of the jacket material against the couch, holding a pillow to his chest with a grin as he watched the tv.You sat back down, pushing the hat off of his head.

 “Asshole.”He grinned at you, putting the hat on your head instead.The sound of the doorbell ringing caused you all to jump, not expecting the pizza to come that fast.Rafe answered the door, putting the pizza down in the kitchen and shouting for Wheezie, grabbing plates from the cabinet.

You had a slice and some fries, sitting down on the living room carpet.You werent even sure when you had fallen asleep, a blanket thrown over you and  Friends playing on the TV.

The boys were still awake, watching the tv. “Morning.”Topper grinned when he confused you, shaking his head. “Its not actually morning.”He chuckled, ruffling your hair.

You grumbled something, reaching for your phone and seeing ten missed calls and eighteen messages from your ‘dad’.You blocked his number, not wanting to deal with him anymore.

Thats when you got an idea, heading to the bathroom and locking the door, sitting down and beginning to type.It was to your mothers cellphone, not caring if your uncle saw it or not.

Dear Mom, 

I dont remember much about the last time I saw you.I dont even think you told me that you loved me.Your room is still the same as it was eight months ago.My friends were always here for me when you shouldve been.Kelce told me that writing a goodbye letter to something that hurt you is the best way to cope.So here I am.I feel like you’re haunting the house, it feels kind of bitter and I constantly feel like you’re still judging me.And now that you’re gone im not even sure how to feel about you.I dont even know if you thought about me during your last moments but im sure if you did it was out of anger and disgust.Thats all you really had for me.This is me officially saying goodbye, I hope you had fun in Italy.

You didnt even bother to reread the message, sending it out and turning off your phone, leaving the bathroom. “Hey, im just gonna crash in your room.”You told Rafe, seeing him nod in the dark.

You dragged your feet as you went upstairs, getting under his covers and resting your head against his pillow.You were half asleep when Rafe got into bed next to you, his arm moving around your waist.

You were confused when you felt someone else lay down, opening your eyes. “Its just me.”Kelce muttered.You hummed, resting your head on his chest. “Topper took up the whole couch.”He explained, kissing your forehead lightly.

You kept rolling over throughout the night, unable to get comfy until Rafe pulled you on top of him.You grumbled, sitting up, realising you were straddling him. “You okay?”He asked, still half asleep.You hummed, laying down on top of him, one of your arms hanging off the bed. “I love you.”He mumbled. “love you too.”You muttered, falling asleep only seconds later.

THERES ONLY A CHAPTER LEFT IM GONNA CRY

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[sachiwrites]

some friends to lovers hcs for sakusa pls? i've been thirsting over him for a while and seeing him in the recent manga chapters plus season 4 is just--

same fam, same. its been a whole mess over here. yikes this got long

— you are 210% that neighbor who his parents rely on to acclimate their son into being a somewhat decent member of society. is it a hardy task for someone at the age of six? yeah. was sakusa an absolute shit at that age too? of course. but he stopped that one kid from pulling your hair in class that day so he’s basically your unofficial hero. even if it was only because apparently you had ‘cooties’.

— naturally you continued to have this unknown disease for most of your life. but apparently so did everyone else in Japan. except when you got older it simply became known as- physical contact.

— “kiyoomi, why don’t you play outside with your friend?”

—“ they’re dirty.”

— sticks and stone may break your bones but the mud streaked across your face and hands would most certainly kill sakusa. or at least that’s what you thought at the age of seven when you went grab him off his front porch anyway. he sort of whined and pushed you for it, causing you to fall back on your rear, much to his parents obvious disdain. or as so you gathered as you smirked over their shoulder as they carried you inside, earning an extra few years of sakusa’s ire.

— “yoomi, lets play tag.”

— “it’s kiyoomi. and no, play by yourself.”

— “sakusa-san, yoomi doesn’t want to-“

— “run”

— the two of you were ‘reluctant’ friends until the age of eight. more or less, sakusa was required to spend at least half an hour outside with you a daily. half way through that the tenture you had mercy on him and introduced him to video games within the safety of his own home. sakusa has zero interest in crash bandicoot, but he likes you a little more for your concede.

— but his parents knew what they were doing when they put their son’s social reputation into your hands. for a while you were his only friend but occasionally you were able to integrate him into society. through little things like sitting down your lunch next to his and offering to be his partner in project.

— “i don’t need your help with this.”

— “maybe, but i need yours, so pretty please.”

— sakusa was a young genius and it would benefit you to take advantage of that feature. call it payment for all your years of servitude.

— the only time you found yourself not needing to be a crutch in his life was when he was playing volleyball. it was an option during recess to give the students an opportunity to scout out interests in athletic ventures. the sport was almost too perfect for sakusa- as an indoor requirement with almost no physical contact. it was his niche. a part of society that catered to his needs in a way that didn’t require your intervention.

— naturally, others began taking notice of his talents. other students were more likely to invite him for games during breaks- most knowing to keep their distance and touch to a limit. his own enjoyment of the sport slowly geared him towards pseudo-friendships that allowed him to play more and garner his skill set.

— “im going to try out for the volleyball club.”

— of course you knew this much. it was what he was so obviously looking forward to the most in junior high. it was just his decision to share his own thought with you the struck home.

— “yeah? i guess i should get some cheers ready for you games, eh?”

— he flinches away from your enthusiasm, his face portraying a mistake in letting you know so soon. but not once did he ever deter you from coming. in fact, you continued to be made aware of each an every upcoming match regardless of importance.

— “we have a practice match against haizen today.”

— wasn’t the most significant but he invited you so you’d be there. probably more vocal than you needed to be but he could mark your attendance and that’s all that mattered.

— a small part of you was worried that volleyball would take your place. it obviously had more suitable attributes than you. but it almost became a staple in your evolving relationship.

— in fact the first game you missed inflicted the first real argument you could remember having with sakusa. it surprised even his parents when you met him the next day to walk to class. you were use to a quiet shoulder but not a cold shoulder.

— “is something wrong?”

— it continued for most of the trip until you couldn’t take it anymore and reached for his arm. instead of shaking you off, he turns on you, gaze lit a flame with an emotion you didn’t recognize.

— “i had a game and you didn’t show up.”

— thinking back you did recall most of the students congregating towards the gym after class. it vaguely registered but you’d seen less of sakusa that day and more of pressing from your teacher to get your grades in order.

— “i had to stay back with my instructor. i needed help with my studies.”

— it was a little embarrassing- not something you wanted to admit. especially to someone like sakusa who obviously excelled where you fell short.

— “you’re an idiot. you come to me for that. ill help you after my games.”

— perphas it was in that moment that you should have realized that sakusa was more cognitive of his reliance than you were.

— what he does realize it how much he’s going to have to help you if he intended for you to join him at itachiyama. the school had shown interest in him earlier than year and it was mutual. but it’s prestige called for academics when sports weren’t your strong suit.

— matches weren’t the only appointments sakusa held you to. nearly everyday after class, whether your place or his, he made himself present while you studied. he wasn’t an overbearing tutor but he called you out in your faults and made you aware of mistakes before they became a habit. he wasn’t going to make you a super genius but you would become a student worthy of acceptance.

— the two of you were building something that only your parents noticed at first while watching from the doorway. itachiyama would be a dynamic chapter for both of you.

— the title of that chapter is: volleyball. because wow does that become an even bigger part of your life. itachiyama was already a powerhouse before sakusa but now he’s a cog in the wheel and an important one at that. quickly climbing ranks and becoming an imperative part of the team. if only he was more receptive to his newly popular status.

— he was still the same old germaphobe- avoiding crowds and wanting to get home as soon as possible to shower in his own tub instead of the school issued ones.

— his personality sort of highlighted your presence more than you expected. but given sakusa’s overall avoidance of unnecessary interactions, it shouldn’t have been much of a surprise.

— “he can be a bit much, but please take care of him.”

— above your bowed head, his older teammate coo and awe at sakusa’s cute little friend. this of course leads to more teasing for him but it’s all part of being part of a team- a larger whole. something you were willing to give up a bit of sakusa for.

— “are you two dating or something?”

— oh but that. you get a lot of that. not just by his teammates either. everyone seems to notice how sakusa tolerates you more than anyone else. though part of you wants to point out to his fan base that they would get a lot further if they just gave him his space. -yet here you were huddled up close in the library while he looked over your school work, so what could you say to that?

— “are you paying attention?”

— “hey, i got most of these right. give me a break.”

— not thinking about it, you go to ruffle his hair as a retort. an action sure to give you his ire- but it doesn’t? in fact his gaze doesn’t even lift from his book. and is he leaning closer? weird.

— sakusa is making rapid progress not only within tokyo but on a national level. it’s one of his teammates that points out his accomplishments to you one day while you’re waiting for sakusa to emerge from the locker rooms.

— “your boyfriend is really something else. already the ace of the team and he’s climbing the stats nationally too. you must be proud.”

— you are proud. very impressed, in fact. but sakusa is not your boyfriend. an important note that you most certainly do not get to point out because now sakusa is here and is corralling you towards the exit from his pressure of his chest against your back.

— he’s much more hands on now. less in tolerating your touch and more so initiating his own. it’s a late realization but most of your attention is stuck on that same teammate who is waving mischievously from the door.

— but oh man. it’s becoming a lot more obvious to you now when sakusa offers to hold you books while you change your shoes, and holding on to them even as you travel to class. he sits a little bit closer to you during study hall now, the erratic hitter of your knee brushing against his with every jerk up.

— “...are you okay, ‘yoomi?”

— he doesn’t complain about the name. not even a pinch of his brow, just confusion as he peers down at you.

— “im fine.”

— huh

— it’s all fun and games until his fingers catch yours one day while you walk side by side. it seemed like a fluke, just an accidental swing and bump. but then they’re latching and now you’re connected?

— “yoomi?”

— “it’s cold”

— yeah. okay, fair enough.

— periodic becomes occasional and now it’s a habit.

— and of course everyone takes notice. because sure sakusa tolerates you more than most. but now there’s a basis for it.

— “ah, so tables have turned.”

— “i knew it.”

— “top in the nation and already dating. our little kohai is such a pillar.”

— you’re beyond overwhelmed. worse because kiyoomi looks mildly irritated but doesn’t seem to be denying any of it.

— and you just have to ask.

— “yoomi are we dating?”

— because wow, only yesterday it seemed like he was still just your best friend. one who held your hand, shared his lunch, fell asleep on your shoulder in more than one occasion-

“— “we’re together. we’ve always been.”

— okay, yeah but context here.

— but then he’s dragging down the mask across his face, letting it hang under his chin. his lips are on your temple and phew, that’s new.

— “we should get home. i have a match tomorrow.”

— a game that becomes a statement in more ways than one.

— “ooh, is that sakusa’s jacket? so the rumors are true.”

— you fumble with the sleeves that seems to be determined to swallow up your hands. when he’d first offered it to you, it seemed so natural.

— “you might get cold.”

— god your boyf-... friend was so confusing.

— “not really. he hasn’t asked.”

— your classmate seems unconvinced but doesn’t comment further. that’s doesn’t say the same for the rest of the class who use every opportunity to chip at your resolve.

— “haven’t they been dating the whole time?”

— “they always hold hands now.”

— “i mean that’s his jacket isn’t it? it’s he like a germaphobe?”

— it’s getting harder to concentrate on the game. and certainly doesn’t help with every glance sakusa tosses up into the stands. by the end of the match, you’re beyond frazzled and ready to just sakusa the second he emerges from the gym.

— his teammate offer thanks in exchange for your praises on a game well won. it helps to distract you for a brief moment-but there he is now.

— his fingers slip befeeen yours like they belong and you can’t find the voice to complain. after congratulating him, there’s not much more said on your part. he walks you to your doorstep, not just the entrance, and lets his hand fall away. yet you both linger.

— “are we-“

— “are you-“

— when it comes down to it. obviously sakusa fails when it comes to words and actions seem to speak clearly.

— sakusa doesn’t protest when you reach up and undo his face mask for him. going as far as to lower his head, aware of your intentions, when you lean in.

— it’s a short kiss. a testing peck to balance in the shallow end before diving deep. his nose nudges yours and it’s your laugh that breaks the kiss.

— kiss-with kiyoomi sakusa-your once reluctant friend and now?

— sakusa leans in again. this time his hand on your shoulder for stabilization. there’s no tongue or extra touches. it’s just the act.

— life is all about changes.

— you smile and decide, yeah, you can do this.

— before he can leave, however, he’s tugging at the collar of his jacket.

— “i prefer to use my own detergent. but you can have it back tomorrow.”

— or maybe just some adjustments.

[fallingfor-fics]

Teachers Pet-chapter 13: the test

All chapters

chapter 12

I was just leaving the Great Hall and was walking to DADA with Harry and Ron, discussing what we were thinking we would do in class today, since neither of us wanted to attend. We walked into the classroom and I noticed Lockhart wasn't there yet, thank Merlin, maybe he would be absent today. We sat down and got our supplies out patiently waiting. I heard Ron whispering to Harry and nudging his arm.

 Lockhart entered and gave a brief overview of what we would be doing in class today. I heard more whispers from the pair and turned to look at them, "What are you two whispering about?" I said in a hushed tone. "Nothing" they both said and I just rolled my eyes. I then felt a tap on my shoulder and turned to see Harry smiling at me. "Um Y/n I wanted to ask you something." he said clearly scared and looking back at Ron. "Well what is it?" I said wishing he would just ask already. "Potter! L/n! Shhh Im speaking!" Lockhart interrupted. He continued blabbing about the lesson and I turned back to Harry. "What was it?" I whispered. "Oh, um well I was wondering If you wanted to go to the Yule Ball with me?" he spat out quietly. I was taken aback clearly, shocked since I had no Idea Harry liked me. I felt kinda bad because I didn't feel the same and I didnt want to hurt his feelings. He could tell it was taking me a minute to think it over. Harry was just so sweet, too sweet, I didn't really like cheesy sweet boys, they are a little soft for my personality, which is why it was gonna be so hard to say no. "Look Harry, you're one of the nicest guys I have had in my life, but I just dont think its a good idea, im sorry, I'm positive you can find someone better to take, like Ginny maybe?" I said with a compassionate smile.

   I could see his face soften and he frowned a bit, "Oh that's alright I totally understand, I just figured y'know neither of us had dates yet, but no worries." he said as he turned and focused back on Lockhart. I felt so guilty for doing that, he was such a good friend, but I just couldn't see us having a good time at the ball. I did the same and focused on Lockhart and we spent the rest of class in silence.

   Once class ended I muttered small goodbyes to Harry and Ron and quickly sped out of the room not wanting to deal with the aftermath of that whole situation. "Hey Y/n" Draco said walking up to me like he did everyday, "Hey Draco, ready for the potions test?" I said as we walked to the dungeons. "Mm yeah I guess I mean I've been ready haha." he said with a cocky smile. I rolled my eyes, "How was DADA? Hope you didn't hex Lockhart again." He said laughing. "It was fine, and fuck off," I said playfully pushing him"Something strange did happen though," I said looking down at my books, "Harry asked me to the Yule Ball.." I said looking at him. "What?! Potter? What a joke!" he said scoffing "I hope you didn't say yes!" he added. "No I didn't, he's too sweet and I just don't feel that way about him, but I feel really bad about it. He looked upset." I said looking back down. "Oh I'm sure he'll be just fine, plus you need a man to take you to the ball, certainly not Potter." he snarled, I elbowed him and gave him a look, "Hey be nice! He's still one of my friends you know." "Yeah yeah." he said mockingly,  as we entered the potions classroom and took our seats in the front. Snape wasnt here yet so we all waited patiently. I got my supplies out and opened my book looking over the material one last time. The door flew open and Snape came walking in, his robes billowing behind him like usual. I felt a small smile creep to my face at the act, he always looked so stunning when he did that, so...powerful. I realized what I was doing and quickly looked back at my book and dropped the smile.

   "Ok class, put your textbooks away and clear off your tables, I will now be handing out your tests, you'll have all of class to complete them, no more and no less. You will get your grades back tomorrow, come drop them on my desk when you are finished and return to your seat quietly." He spewed, the same speech he gave before every test, he began walking around the class handing out the tests and came to my table last, he handed one to Draco and then to me, I looked up at him as he handed it over and smiled saying thank you, he just nodded and looked to have given and very small smirk, as if to say "Good luck" I took a deep breath and began on the test. It was 100 questions which was no surprise since we have a 2 hour class period for potions. 40 minutes had gone by and I was on question 36, which wasn't very good, as Draco was on 49. I needed to pick up the pace if I wanted to finish in time. An hour and a half had now passed and several kids had already finished, I was feeling pretty good so far and was on question 70 something, feeling like I was losing my mind at all the words on the page. Before I knew it Draco was getting up and turning his in. I was almost done, only 5 questions left and 15 minutes left. When I finished there were only three kids still working on theirs, I looked up at Snape who was going over essays and he looked up at me. We made eye contact and I quickly looked back at my test, checking over all my answers. I let out a breath and cracked my knuckles as I stood and slowly walked up to Snape, "All done" I said nervously handing it to him, he looked up and took it from me, and his fingertips brushed mine very softly and quickly as he took it from me, and as soon as he did, out of fear and embarrassment, I snatched my hand away and smiled awkwardly, walking back to my table and putting my head down. I dozed off for the last 10 minutes of class, awakening to Draco shoving me telling me it was time to leave, I sat up and saw most of the class had left.

   I grabbed my stuff and we went for the door, "Actually, Ms. L/n may I speak to you." I froze scared it was about the hand thing, or maybe the Dumbledore thing this morning. I shooed off Draco saying I'd catch up and walked over to stand next to Snape's desk. He stood up and I followed him with my eyes, keeping eye contact to get any sense of what this was about. "I went ahead and decided to grade your test as soon as you turned it in." He said in his usual tone, not giving me any clue as to what I got. Making the suspense and tension build more. "Oh gosh. It's bad isn't it? I failed, didn't i? Oh merlin Professor im so sor-" I began to ramble when he didn't speak but he cut me off, "Y/n calm down." He said and I could feel a slight blush at the use of my first name. He handed me my test and I kept my eyes on his not looking down at it yet. "Wooo ok I can do this" I said giggling a bit, I looked down and my eyes went wide. Written in red ink and circled at the top was a 92. A fucking. 92. I looked back up at him and my jaw dropped. "OH MY GOSH I DID IT!" I practically screamed, jumping up and hugging the paper. "I can't believe I passed and with a 92 this is the happiest moment of my life!" I said smiling up at him.

In fit of adrenaline and serotonin overdose I threw my arms around him and hugged him. He went stiff and I realized what I was doing and quickly threw myself off. "Oh my I'm so sorry Sir, that was so inappropriate, I was just so happy" I said blushing hard and feeling a very strong nervous tingle, which it was I decided to call them, and looked up at him. "It's quite alright Y/n, I'm very proud of you, you worked hard and it paid off, good job." He said with a very small, but visible smile. I smiled big back at him and gestured to him, "I got you to smile too! This is amazing!" I said giggling. "Alright alright enjoy it while it lasted because that's the first and last time you'll see it." he said back in his normal tone and sat back down in his chair. We went silent for a moment as I just stared at my test. "I'm gonna frame this" I joked to which he just looked up at me and smirked a bit. "I cant thank you enough Professor, If you hadn't helped me and stayed up all night tutoring me, I would have been seeing another 50" I said with a calmer and genuine tone. "Of course, Ms-...Y/n, Im proud." he said and I put my head down to hide the blush, I felt rush to my cheeks at the sound of him saying my name, this was getting out of hand. "Ok well, I will see you in tutoring tomorrow. Goodbye Severus." I said with a sarcastic grin and walking out of the class before he could scold me for the use of his first name.

   I walked out of the school to the yard and sat in front of the tree that overlooked the lake. I closed my eyes and took in the fresh air listening to the quiet sound of the lake's water. I looked down at my test paper and smiled, he told me good job and I felt so proud to have pleased him, thinking of the potions professor and how he was such a different man to me now than he was when we first met, he was still his normal self 90% of the time, but he would let the kindness shine through every now and again when I would talk with him. I can't believe I hugged him, I thought. He felt warm for such a cold man, and he smelt nice, like parchment and firewhiskey. That smell would forever be burned in my head. And he smiled and it lit up my dark world for that fraction of a second. Looking in his dark eyes as he was truly proud of me, made my heart beat faster, he was so...beautiful to me, despite what others thought of him, he was an amazing man. I felt the nervous tingle again, only this one lingered on. I leaned my head back on the tree and felt a single tear slid down my face. I let out a breath and opened my eyes wiping it away quickly, and grew scared for a moment. I wasn't sure if it was a tear of joy, or a tear or worry, for I had just begun to realize, the nervous tingle I felt around him was butterflies, the ones Hermione had told me about, and the feelings I had, were for my Potions Professor.