#and im so happy to have been a part of it

[jincapableoflove]

House of Cards | one-shot (TEASER)

Pairing: Jungkook x (f.) Reader

Releasing on: March 3rd, 2025

Genre/Tags: yandere! jungkook, psychological thriller, dark romance, unreliable narrator, toxic relationships, angst, slight fluff

Summary: Your life with Jungkook is perfect—until the cracks begin to show. A photo with the wrong date. A diary filled with memories you don’t recall. A door that vanishes overnight. And Jungkook—always there, always watching, always pulling you back when you start to question too much. You know something is wrong. But the real question is: Have you forgotten… or were you made to?

Word count: tbd (currently at 6k)

Teaser word count: 233

Warnings: memory manipulation, gaslighting, psychological abuse, dark themes, obsessive love, paranoia, identity crisis, emotional distress, forced dependency, thriller elements, unsettling atmosphere, toxic relationships, mild horror undertones (unsettling imagery, eerie reflections, distorted reality), death/loss of a loved one.

A/N: oops this got a bit dark while writing. ive been obsessed with this genre for a while! lmk if u have any bts fanfic suggestions of this same theme (not yandere jungkook im talking about psychological thrillers) there will be a taglist for this fic. if ur interested to be a part of it then drop a message below this post or send me an ask!

Loving hands, a silver tongue, A story twisted, memories undone. A door appears, then fades away, Were you lost, or made to stay? He swears it’s love, whispers sweet, But chains wrapped soft still bind your feet.

The coffee is smooth, comforting. Jungkook leans against the counter, watching you sip from the mug he made for you. The morning hums around you—soft music, the rustle of the wind outside, the distant murmur of the city waking up.

Everything feels normal.

But the feeling from earlier still lingers.

Your eyes wander absently as you take another sip, landing on the fridge. A small Polaroid is pinned to the surface with a cat-shaped magnet. You and Jungkook, standing in front of what looks like a park, his arm curled around your waist, your head tilted against his shoulder. The two of you are smiling—wide, happy, in love.

Your fingers tighten around the mug. Something isn’t right.

You step closer, peeling the photo off the fridge. On the back, in your own handwriting, a date is scrawled: Three years ago.

You frown. That’s not possible.

You and Jungkook have been together for a year. You remember it so clearly—your first date, the way he kissed you under flickering streetlights, the way he whispered he loved you for the first time last winter.

Three years ago, you didn’t even know him.

A chill creeps up your spine.

TAGLIST IS OPEN! if you are interested in being a part of it please drop a message below this post or send me an ask!

[giggggi-088]

doing this for my pjo dr <3 1 - i'd say the vibe of my dr is very nostalgic, 'vintage' in a way. like how it was back when everything was simpler. early 2000s vibes, bridge to Terabithia, percy jackson movie, any feel-good movie from that era. but also that own, almost intangible modern mythological kind of vibe you get by reading the books. 2 - any of my magic items, i have this thing of perfume that creates this rlly dense, thick pink sparkly perfume mist which is very helpful when anyone needs to get away or slow something down. it is overwhelmingly sickly sweet and perfumey like the scent when you spray wayyyy too much, which is great cause monsters hate the smell of it. and lowkey.. my PURSE!! 3 - probably whatever is offered up to me at the time. if we're talking about my mortal school, i'll probably just carpool or ride with my dad but for quests i'll take whatever i can get😭 pegasi are very helpful too, literally a live saver cause i have a very close bond with my pegasus and i just love them in general 4 - oh boyy do i have songs.. there are a lot that remind me of this dr, but i think the songs that best captures the vibe i'm talking about is welcome and goodbye by dream,ivory. for me this is the one i'd put at the top of the list, just because it embodies literally everything to a t?!! like seriously. the lyrics, the nostalgic & comforting yet bittersweet energy, the voice. i'm also adding hit me with your best shot by pat benetar, for.. 🤭 reasons.. i will not disclose.. IDKK idk what it is but this song is sooo me and my s/o coded

Like i can FEEL the training montage and also anything with a pop-punky kind of vibe, songs like all the small things, american idiot, my own worst enemy, LIGHT EM UP etc etc 5 - honestly i wouldnt say there's drama drama i mean at camp i feel like there are more important things to focus on 😭 there are RIVALRIES sure but its usually just stuff like 'ohhh my godly parent is better than yours' 'i heard you were talking smack about me/my skills'. there's definitely some romance drama though, nothing too serious but cmon. its a camp full of teenagers theres bound to be some crazy relationships and love triangles. as for me i like to think i get along with a lot of people except maybe drew or most the ares kids/clarisse 6 - my bed is near the back of cabin 10, and i have a window beside it with lace curtains. from my cabin i get a view of part of the canoe lake. 7 - i smell like sweet vanilla/vanilla cupcakes, and apples. the air at camp smells of a million different things that go together so well, though. fresh, and of grass fields, nature and barbeque and fresh strawberries. the smell of being out miles away, i've always been a country girl and i love the countryside so i love that naturey aspect of my dr even if we're in new york

8- i honestly don't know LOL. probably 'percy jackson and the olympians' in that movie trailer voiceover, im still mourning the fact we never got a 3rd movie 😞

9 - honestly i'm extremely similar to how i am here. i think people in my dr would describe me as friendly, kind, very stylish, kinda reserved at first but sociable, positive, poised, caring and a little soft spoken but sweet. i have a funny/upbeat side too but that doesn't really show until i'm comfortable with you or i trust you, so most the time i'm pretty chill and mellow, laid back. i believe others would describe me as a happy and agreeable person.

10 - a lotttt of pop & rnb but also some rock too. i'd say my favorite artists are cyndi lauper, brandy norwood, mariah carey, britney spears, alanis morenette, beyonce, sade and i cannot forget MS PAT BENETAR!!

11 - unexpected, adventurous, cozy, nostalgic, dangerous

12 - any of my friends/siblings tbh, hazel, reyna, piper, and ofc annabeth. tbh anyone but my dr starts in the lightning thief so i have to say chiron. am i the only one who thinks he has such a comforting father figure vibe?? 😭

13 - i have an adorable weiner dog/dachshund named prada. he's a boy and he's like my purse puppy, i carry him around everywhere. i'm an animal lover lol i have a fancy pink canopied dog bed for him. i also have a pegasus named sasha, she's a diva i love her. i bedazzle her hoofs and paint them different colors, i spend a lot of my time in the stables taking care of her and giving her sugar cubes and ribbons for her mane.

some photos if ur interested :)

14 - i honestly try to avoid it as much as possible, i'm not the type to take risks but i will stand up for myself when needed. if its just petty drama i rlly couldnt bring myself to care, a fight against a monster or enemy is a whole different story though and im willing to face that head on even if im not rlly that good a fighter and kinda 'weak' by demigod standards WE GOT THIS

live footage of me at camp half blood providing moral support during needlessly violent war games, circa 2007

hope you enjoyed reading this and i hope the questions give you inspo/motivation for ur dr too! 🙂

-ˋˏ QUESTIONS TO HELP YOU DEVELOP ANY DR ˎˊ-

──────────────────

ᰋ-what is the overall vibe of this dr? (whimsical, cozy, etc)

ᰋ-what do you always have on you? (a phone, a lighter, etc)

ᰋ-how do you get around in this dr? (by bus, walking, riding a horse, etc)

ᰋ-is there a song that reminds you of this dr? (could be the lyrics, vibe or even voice)

ᰋ-is there any drama going on in this dr? are you involved?

ᰋ-whats the view from your window like?

ᰋ-what do you smell like? what does the air smell like?

ᰋ-if this dr was a movie, what would its title be?

ᰋ-how do other people from this dr describe you as?

ᰋ-what kind of music does your dr self listen to?

ᰋ-if you had to describe your dr in 3-5 random words, what would they be?

ᰋ-who from this dr would you most likely trust with a deep secret?

ᰋ-does your dr self have any pets?

ᰋ-how does your dr self handle conflict?

[pepshee]

Jealousy, or Jealous Hee

⋆˙ ⋆⭒˚.⋆

Pairing - ex!heeseung x fem!reader

Genre - college!au, smut, angst, exes to ??

Word Count - 3.2k

Synopsis - Heeseung was the perfect boyfriend and your first for everything romantic. When he broke up with you out of the blue and changed his entire personality you didn't know what to do. Until you saw him at a house party that is.

Warnings - cursing, drinking, angst, suggestive, mentions of jake + other idols, arguing, heeseung is a playboy, house party, creampie, oral (f rec.), p in v, mentions of smoking, lmk if i missed anything ! 18+ MDNI!

A/N - this is only my second fic ever and i didnt expect ppl to actually like the last one.. i'm adding smut this time cause i feel it's fitting. please give feedback!! this also might be a multi part fic if ppl want it... this is my first time writing smut too i hope it's good for yall😞 ive read a ton of smut fics so im using those as my references 🙏

Your relationship with Heeseung was going super well. Everyone said you two were soulmates, and were made for each other. You were practically glued at the hip, and did everything together including applying to the same college. You guys celebrated so much when you were both accepted. You knew you wouldn't be in the same dorm per the university guidelines, you both were still so happy.

It was everything you could ever ask for. The summer before college you two went on a long beach trip by yourselves even though neither of your parents approve, but who cares? You're adults now anyways.

The beach trip went super well and you two had lots of fun together, and lots of sex..

He helped you move into your dorm as back to school season is starting and everyone knows it's better to move into your dorm prior to starting school. You also helped him move into his dorm as well.

That was two and a half years ago though.. He broke up with you two days before the first day without an explanation..

────୨ৎ────

It's been two and a half years since the breakup and you still never got an actual reason. All you know is two days before both of your first days of your freshman year in college he texted you saying, "I wanna break up, I'm sorry, I'll miss you," that's it.

After the breakup he changed completely. He became a playboy. He started smoking, drinking alcohol, going to house parties, hooking up, and he'd skip classes sometimes. You never could've imagined he'd do this. To you he was a perfect angel, but it's like a switch flipped on him.

You're both now in your junior year of college. You both went your respective ways but you're not over it, and you don't think you ever will be. When he broke up with you, you cried all night and all day, never leaving the bed nor the dorm. Your roommate, Giselle, only having known you for a week had taken care of you and comforted you. She's now your best friend and she still hears you cry sometimes but pretends not to hear it knowing you were trying to hide it.

Heeseung broke your heart and you don't think you could ever recover even nearly three years later. What's even worse is that he became popular. You heard about his every move pretty much considering everyone was pretty much obsessed with him. It was always 'heeseung this' or 'heeseung that,' you were sick of it. Not because you hated him, hell, how could you hate someone you dated since your freshman year of high school?

You had always heard about his new girlfriends cause it was always the next big news on campus, which you never understood considering they'd only last a maximum a week. This new version of him was unlikable, at least to you, others didn't seem to care that he kept playing these girls. They somehow keep throwing themselves at him claiming they're different. They always expect to be the one to 'fix him' or the one he decides to keep but it never ends up working for them.

The more you heard about him the more it seemed like he was trying to stray far from the lover boy personality he had years ago. The truth is that you still love and miss him, you know it's far gone by now but how could you forget dating someone for five years just for him to break up with you without an explanation?

You couldn't bring yourself to confront him, text him, nor talk to him. It was like that part of your life was imaginary. You hated it, you hated that it happened like this, and most of all, you hated that you didn't know why.

────୨ৎ────

Today you and your friends had planned to go to your friend's house party. Years ago you wouldn't have imagined going to a college party, but that's because you and Heeseung were together and you would've rather hung out with him. Now that you're broken up, you figured at least the free alcohol could help. You've gone to a few parties now, but only the ones that are on weekends.

It was Friday and you only had two classes today. One that was two hours long, and one that was about an hour and a half. You get up and get dressed, wearing just a casual T-Shirt with some shorts as it was pretty warm outside. You finish getting ready, and do your makeup, curl your hair, and grab your stuff before leaving your dorm room.

Your first class was pretty boring as always. it was a literature class which honestly didn't even go with your major but you still had to take it for some reason.

Your second class was also boring, but thankfully it was shorter, even if only by 30 minutes.

Finally, you were done with classes for the day and you and your friends decided to meet up at a nearby restaurant to eat before the party because you're all likely gonna drink alcohol.

After arriving at the restaurant you wait out front for your friends to arrive. It only takes them a short while. All of you walk in to get seated and order your food and drinks.

"So did any of you see Heeseungs new girl?" Your friend Moka had asked. Your friends knew about your history with Heeseung, but they still insisted on gossiping about him for some reason. "No, who is it now?" Giselle was curious, as always, she loved to gossip.

"It's Nayeon, she's so pretty. Do you guys think he will ever settle down with someone?" Yujin responded, you stayed silent throughout the exchange which was a normal occurrence whenever Heeseung was brought up.

Finally the waiter brings all of your orders. You all start to eat and enjoy the food you had ordered. You thought they would drop the topic of Heeseung but they didn't. "Hey look at Heeseung's story!" Karina turned her phone to the rest of you. On the screen you see a photo of Heeseung, with Nayeon, but it's in the cafe you two used to go to all the time when you were together. The text on the photo reads "same place, different person," it was like he was taunting you, like he knew you would see it, like he knew you'd be affected. You tried not to let it show but he was right, it did affect you.

All the memories started flowing back of all the times you two went there, you went so much to the point the employees already knew what you both would order without having to ask. It was your favorite place to go when you had downtime, and when you could leave school in the middle of the day when you were seniors in high school. You had never imagined a life without Heeseung but now you do and it's hard.

You're pulled out of your thoughts by Giselle speaking to you. "Y/N, are you okay? You seemed out of it, and you haven't touched your food much," you nodded letting her know you're okay. "Yeah, I'm fine, sorry," you reassured everyone and went back to eating.

────୨ৎ────

The time of the party was now approaching. You all decided to facetime while getting ready. You decided to get a little scandalous with your outfit which you usually never did. You put on a black lace cropped tank top, with a denim mini skirt which was just a bit too small for you, but that's the point. You put on a pair of thigh highs, heels, do your makeup, curl your hair, and finally add some finishing touches of jewelry.

You and Giselle leave your dorm and head to the campus courtyard to meet up with the other two girls. "Oh my god, Y/N, you look so hot, you have to dress like this more often," you giggle at Karina's compliments. The four of you meet your friend Minnie who is the designated driver. She doesn't like to drink alcohol, but she still wanted to go to the party so she agreed to be the DD.

It only took about 20 minutes to get to the party, you don't know whose house it was but it was pretty large. You all enter the party, and decide to split up. You head to the kitchen immediately wanting to drink some alcohol. You see multiple empty, full, and half-full bottles of various alcohols. You don't even pay attention to whichever one you grab, you just pour it into a cup. The alcohol leaves a small burning sensation in the back of your throat. You walk towards the living room where the majority of people are, but you spot someone you weren't ready to come face to face with yet as the wound is still wide open... Heeseung..

He was with his douchey friends that he had made after he did a complete 180 with his personality. The seven boys were always causing a stir, but they were so hot you had to admit...

You hadn't realized you were staring at him, but he had.

Heeseung was talking with his friends until he had a feeling someone was staring at him. He thought it was just another girl that wanted to suck him off or something. He turned his head to find you staring his way. He didn't really know how to react really, it's been a while since he'd since you despite you two being on the same college campus. He'd only seen you from a distance really.

The truth is he did miss you, and he would purposefully post his new girls just cause he knew you would see and would get jealous. He knew it was toxic and wrong but he didn't really care. At first he had no interest in posting the girls he was with because it would only be for a short while. That was until he started to miss you, miss everything you did together, miss your lips, your smile, your laugh, everything about you. That's when he started to try and make you jealous, and as far as he can tell it's working.

As he looks back at you his lips curve into a smirk before he excuses himself from his friends, "yo, guys, I'll be right back alright?" he announced. His friends give him small smirks knowing that usually when he excuses himself at a party it's for a girl.

You only realize he was staring back at you when he starts to approach you. You internally start freaking out not knowing what to do. Before you can come up with something he's already in front of you.

"Y/N. You're dressed... quite.. sexy.." His smirk gets even larger as those words come out his mouth. "You're also quite flushed, you're already drunk aren't you?" Shit, you hadn't even realized the alcohol had kicked in.

"What do you want Heeseung," you tried to sound mad and upset but it turned out more slurred than you wanted due to the alcohol in your system.

"To talk to my sexy ex-girlfriend, is there an issue?" You hated the cockiness in his voice. You hated how he was acting like nothing happened, like it was all okay, like you didn't cry, and throw up multiple days straight.

"Don't act like nothing happened. You broke up with me out of the blue.. You fucking hurt me." Your words now finally pack the punch you wanted the whole time.

"Come on don't act like that, seriously, just talk to me and be civil Y/N," a fake pout formed on his face as if trying to earn sympathy points from you.

"Can you take shit seriously for once? Ever since we broke up you changed and I fucking hate it! You would've never acted like this two and a half years ago!" You raised your voice at him, it's not loud enough for everyone to hear but some people nearby steal glances at the two of you. "Come on you don't mean that baby," He was starting to irritate you. Does he seriously have no shame? How did he end up like this?

"God you're so irritating you know that?! You're acting like you didn't break my heart, like you didn't leave me high and dry, without a rhyme or reason," now yelling at him because his act was getting to you, how could he be so nonchalant about this?

"Calm down okay? Let's talk about this when you're not drunk, don't cause a scene, you're gonna regret it later baby," his words weren;t working on you, but then you then you thought about it. Maybe he was right, you should calm down, you hated creating scenes.

"Why're you calling me baby Heeseung?" Your voice is now softer, no longer yelling at him.

"You used to be my baby," you really didn't know how to react to his words, after all it's his fault you're broken up.

Your thoughts are immediately interrupted by his lips on yours. A feeling you haven't felt in so long. The kiss begins to become more like making out, his tongue dancing with yours and his hands on your waist. You wrap your arms around his neck pulling him closer and deepening the kiss.

He breaks the kiss to catch his breath and to say, "you're so lucky my buddy Jake owns this house. Follow me to the bedroom baby," the alcohol, and desire completely throw all of your common sense and critical thinking out the window. He takes your hand and leads you upstairs to an empty bedroom.

Once in the bedroom he immediately closes and locks the door before pinning you against it. Before you can process anything his lips are once again on yours moving hungrily.

He breaks away to remove your top, which coincidentally you weren't wearing a bra under. He lets out a small gasp but then a smirk curves onto his lips. His hands grab onto your breasts kneading them before taking one into his mouth.

You moan at the sensation and move one of your hands to his hair gripping it lightly. "Hee–" your breathless words made him want you even more.

He releases your breasts and removes his own shirt, unbuttoning it quickly.

Seeing his bare torso after so long could've made you cum on the spot, you loved his abs so much, you'd caress them randomly even if you were just cuddling and watching tv. "You're drooling Y/N," he chuckles. "No I'm not!" trying to wipe the saliva that had escaped the corners of your mouth.

He takes your hand and drags you over to the bed pushing you down onto it gently. He climbs on top of you, now hovering above you. He kisses you again while his hands move to the waistband of your short skirt. He breaks the kiss for a moment, "can I?" he asks, waiting for you to grant him permission to remove it.

You nod unable to form words momentarily. He wastes no time unbuttoning the denim skirt and unzipping it. He pulls it down leaving you in just your baby pink lacy underwear.

"These are so cute baby, I love this new pair," Heeseung had seen pretty much every pair of your underwear while you were together. You two were quite the hormonal teenagers in high school.

He then removes his pants, now leaving the two of you in just your underwear.

He reaches to remove your underwear sliding it down your legs before tossing it somewhere in the room. He slowly spreads your legs giving himself a view of your bare pussy. "Just how I remember it... So wet and pretty for me. He'd always do this whenever you two had sex. He'd spend so much time complimenting your pussy as if it could hear him. You always had to beg and plead for him to do something to you. "I'm gonna eat her okay?" he looks up at you waiting for approval whilst positioning his head between your legs.

"Please..." he doesn't hesitate after hearing your breathless plea to start licking your folds. The sensation is one you haven't felt in a while making it feel foreign to you once again. "Hee—" you moan. Your fingers bury themselves into his soft locks.

He continues to lick and occasionally sucks on your clit. He then inserts two fingers and starts moving them in and out of you. The double stimulation from his tongue and fingers making you see colors, the grip on Heeseung's and hair and your grip on the sheets making your knuckles turn white slightly. It's surprising how you're not ripping out his hair at this point. "Shit- Heeseung.. I'm gonna c-cum!" You can feel him smirking against your cunt as your loud moaning signifies your approaching orgasm.

Before you can let it go he pulls away making you whimper at the loss of stimulation, and the emptiness without his fingers. You're about to complain but he opens his mouth before you, "I want you to cum on my dick, not my tongue baby."

He then pulls down his boxers revealing his hard length, the one you haven't seen in nearly three years. You still loved it though, it was so big, thick and veiny... It was one of your favorite things about him, how blessed he was to be so big.

He pumps himself a few times before positioning himself between your legs. "You ready for me?" you couldn't tell if he was talking to you, or your pussy but you responded anyway "yes... please..."

He slowly inserts himself into your entrance going slowly so you can adjust to his size. You moan at the feeling of him stretching you. He bottoms out, pausing for a moment to let you adjust. "Please— can you move," you whine. He chuckles at your words before he starts moving his thrusts starting out slow before he starts speeding it up, the sounds of skin slapping together fills the room as he splits your hole open. You can feel the tip of his cock kissing your cervix.

"You feel so good baby, just how I remember. So tight for me baby," he groans as he feels you clench around him at his words. "Seungie-" your fingers gripping the sheets tighter.

"I know baby, I know," he knew exactly what was happening. He loved the sound of you calling him his old nickname. "Let go for me baby, we'll cum at the same time."

All it takes is a few more thrusts for you both to let go, the knot that was forming in your stomach finally snapping. You felt his warm release coating your walls, and you felt your release mixing with his. He pulled out of you gently, careful as to not hurt you. You could feel the liquids spilling out and sliding down your ass.

Heeseung lays next to you looking into your eyes, "goodnight Y/N," he says softly. You give him a gentle smile before closing your eyes and going to sleep.

What happens now?

What happens between you two?

Do you get back together?

thank you all for reading!! this was my first time writing smut, and my second time ever writing fan fiction... should i write a part two or no...

[munsonify]

Hi! I was wondering if you could write a Eddie Munson fic where him and reader get snowed in readers house and he ends up staying the night and finally confesses to having feelings for reader :) 💚

hi!! absolutely!! thank u sm for the request 💚 im so sorry this took so long i’ve been in a rut!! not proofread, and if you want a second part i’m more than happy to write one!

snowed in - eddie munson x gn!reader

content warning/s. pet names (sweetheart), talk of bed sharing. i think that’s it?

word count. 1181

———

winter in hawkins always tended to be harsh. strikingly cold air mixed with what seemed like thousands of pounds of snow with every storm pouring down to the ground made it hard to function. icy roads and snow-blocked doors were common and expected.

the pink tint on eddie’s nose and cheeks seemed permanent. you caught yourself staring at the way the tint and his freckles overlap. the freckles had faded a little since the hot sun of mid july pulled them out, but you could still see them, even if they weren’t as prominent.

eddie had only come over to your house to watch a movie. every week, the two of you took turns choosing movies. this week was supposed to be your choice. earlier in the day you and him had made a trip to family video, and his scoff was enough to show you he wasn’t too fond of your choice of frosty the snowman. after a little bit of banter, you settled on the gremlins.

he can protest all he wants, but you’ll be damned if you don’t get to watch christmas movie this week.

that’s how you two ended up curled up on your couch, wrapped up in your own soft blankets, watching as creatures terrorize these poor folks house. you had your feet propped up on eddie’s lap, taking up most of the couch space. you’d never catch him complaining about this. spending time with you was a blessing in itself, but getting to sit so closely to you was another, more notable blessing.

eddie was a little too caught up in trying to breathe properly to notice the way you admired his features. with a hand gripping your calf and his thumb rubbing small circles on your skin, you found it hard to take your attention away from him. you noticed the way his jaw tensed a little every time you moved in place a little, and you worried you were hurting him, possibly digging your heels into him too much.

your thoughts dissipated every time his jaw relaxed again.

it wasn’t until the end of the movie that you had noticed the storm outside. eddie’s ring clad finger pointed out the window, accompanied by a small grin. in one quick swoop, he pushed your feet off his lap, and got onto his. he offered the same ringed hand he’d pointed with to you, helping you up.

you two pressed your faces against the window like children to admire the glistening snow outside. there were at least two inches sticking to the ground with even more flurrying down. the warmth of the street lights illuminated the falling snow, which had your eyes shifting to the roads. they looked icy.

“you’re not driving home in this,” you said to him in a soft voice.

“so demanding,” eddie teased, his voice just as soft as yours. he knew you werent demanding, you were only looking out for him. besides, not driving home meant staying that night here with you. how could he say no to that?

with the same cheeky grin he had on when he noticed the snow, eddie moved his face away from the cold window, turning off the tv and beginning to gather up the small mess of snacks you two had accumulated. you followed suit, folding up the blankets you had used, placing them neatly on the couch.

eddie was desperately trying to suppress the growing redness creeping up his neck. he’s never stayed the night with you before, and just the mere thought of it is making his skin rise into little bumps. despite not arguing with your soft ‘demand’, he was nervous.

he knew it meant nothing, having him stay the night. it was much safer than taking his van - a vehicle that was very prone to breaking down - out on the icy roads of hawkins. you always offered up your place late at night when he was over, anyways. eddie sometimes noticed a flicker of hope in your eyes that he was sure he was making up in his own head.

after tossing candy wrappers and unpopped kernels, eddie began rinsing out the bowl in the sink. the moment his hand found the dish soap, he heard you shuffle behind him, your words soft, yet stern.

“don’t you dare try and clean that bowl, munson. i’ll worry about it tomorrow.”

the fake venom behind the statement made him smile. eddie set down the bowl and the soap, putting his hands up in defeat. each time he tried doing dishes at your place you scolded him the same way. it was almost routine. there was a moment or two in the kitchen where you guys simply looked at each other, eyes locking, breath stopping. everything in eddie screamed to confess his feelings for you.

it didn’t help when you gave him another smile, offering up a hand for him to grab. he took it without a second thought. eddie let you guide him back to your room, and even let you shut the door behind you guys. he missed your touch the moment your hand left his to go untuck your bed. were you seriously about to let him lay next to you?

“which side of the bed do you want? i usually take the left side but if you want it-“

“sweetheart?” eddie cut you off before he could think twice about it. you stopped in your tracks, looking over your shoulder to see him. there was something on his mind, you could tell.

“yeah, eds?” with a deep breath, he spoke.

“i want more than this.”

you weren’t quite sure what he was referring to, yet something sparked inside your chest. a slight flicker of hope filled up inside of you. still, your eyebrows furrowed together, head tilting to the side. why’d you have to be so cute all the time?

“more than what?” you sounded almost desperate.

that’s when eddie let it out. he waved his hands between the two of you frantically, a puff of air leaving his nose.

“this. friends. there is nothing friendly about the way i feel about you, and i cannot keep pretending like it is when you’re holding my hand and looking at me the way you are. you’re a complete flirt and you don’t even realize it.”

suddenly your room felt way too small, and eddie’s skin felt too hot to be inside of. your wide eyes and your slightly gaping mouth were no help to his nerves. he wished you would just say something.

“you like me?” you whispered, voice threatening to break. you needed to hear him say it.

“i like you, y/n, i have since the day we met.” sincerity dripped from every last syllable. the thought made you choke up. a friendship that started on a shared love for storytelling somehow grew into this.

there’s that smile of yours again. you took two steps towards eddie, both hands extended this time. you needed him as close as possible.

“then come pick your side of the bed.”

———

taglist. @songbirdofthenight

[toiletepaperroll]

I KNOW I KNOW 2025 HASNT EVEN STARTED YET BUT HERES MY 2026 CADILLAC LINEUP (DELUSIONAL)

now, in this extremely long post that i will eventually prolly convert into a yuechube video at some point i will yap about everybody cadillac COULD take (extensive list, ive done my research folks, WITH PROBABILITY), who they SHOULD take ( my best lineup with "evidence" to support), and my hopes and dreams for a lineup. so, without further ado, lets get into it (under the cut)

COULD

Zhou Guanyu (7/10) - why zhou? well, we all know about Ferrari's connection to cadillac (supplying supplies) and Zhou boy here is a Ferrari reserve driver. He also has connections to team principal, Graeme Lowdon.

Valtteri Bottas(8/10) - now i believe this is very likely. Bottas has the experience that Cadillac needs, and while he is a little old, he's still got it. he is currently a Mercedes reserve driver, but there has been friction in the team with Torger (Toto) Wolff. thats not very good for anybody.

Colton Herta (8/10) - "bUt CoLtOn Is AmErIcAn AnD hE hAs EvErYtHiNg cAdIlLaC wAnTs WhY iSn'T hE a TeN oUt Of Ten?" Cadillac wants Colton, but does Colton want Cadillac? when asked the question sometime ago, he stated that he was "happy where he was". also, Andretti is reportedly paying him $$$ (some write more he gets paid more than F1 race winner Oscar Piastri). however, we all know Andretti, GM, and Cadillac are linked, and Cadillac *really* wants Herta.

George Russell (4/10) - George isnt stupid and neither is Toto.

Kimi Antonelli (2/10) - Toto's not letting Kimi go anywhere.

Dino Beganovic (6/10) - way back in '23 everybody was SO sure Dino was going to WEC hell, but an amazing two F2 seasons really turned that opinion around. Part of the FDA, Dino also has connections with Ferrari, and currently no seat for 2026. Right now the twenty-one year has an F2 seat with HiTech Racing through the 2025 F2 season.

Paul Aron (5/10) - Paul is currently an Alpine reserve, but i have a sinking feeling that he's not getting that seat anytime soon. Good driver, shit team. (fuk u alpine). He's also got the marketability and all of Estonia behind him.

Franco Colapinto (3/10) - on the topic of Alpine drivers, we have the infamous Franco Cola-bin-to. A Williams replacement for Logan Sargeant (rip my boy Logan i hope ur ok) the Argentinian driver instantly captured the hearts of thousands of fans. also v marketable. will probably have the Alpine seat for 26 and like half of 2025 once they inevitably drop

Jack Doohan (5/10) - rumors say he's only got a contract for the first 5 races of the 2025 season and i wholeheartedly believe he should fire his manager because what the fuck? anyways he's rated p low because i doubt Cadillac is anywhere near his list of choices

Logan Sargeant (2/10) - now, if theres anything you should know about me, you should know im a big Logan fan. like ive been following his career since F3 big fan. up until very recently (yesterday 2/18/25) i and the rest of the wider motorsport world thought he was going to race in ELMS with IDEC and Genesis, and that through Genesis, he would break into WEC. WE. WERE. WRONG. IDEC motorsport announced Logan's retirement sometime yesterday afternoon. it sounded like the team themselves didn't know. i hope he's ok. anyways he's raced 1 1/2 seasons with Williams, and although he crashed quite often, he was still a great driver. another case of the great driver shit car combo (fuk u james vowels and upper williams management)

Liam Lawson (idk bro) - Liam doesn't have an F1 seat for '26 and tbh he's just a wildcard to me. theres no facts to support this one becuase I do not know what Red Bull is doing out here.

Sergio Checo Perez (6/10) - on the topic of Red Bull boyz, we have Checo. Checo, much like Valtteri, brings the experience of a top team with him. However, he has been much less successful than Valtteri, and thus i am rating him lower. Checo is well known for his technical feedback, which is important for a rookie team to have.

SHOULD

honestly I believe the best Cadillac/GM lineup would be some combo of Valtteri/Zhou/Dino. all three bring their own special skills and i could see any of these three as strong contenders. Valtteri brings the experience, of how a top team operates, as well as racing knowledge. Zhou is a good driver period, and has a lot of money backing him up. Dino brings in a fresher perspective, and a youth to the team to balance everything out. However, unlike the others, he has not had any experience in F1. to balance that out, he is very marketable to the youth. Valtteri is also very marketable, esp to teens and men in their 40's.

MY HOPES AND DREAMS (DELUISION)

Logan and Mick

Dino and Paul

Valtteri and Zhou (yes i know they were already teammates shush)

ANYWAYS THATS ALL THANK YOU FOR READING THIS FAR (can you tell where i got tired while writing this?). lmk about your opinions and what you think about my opinions. feel free to argue with me about this in my asks or dms or the replies of this post! also PLEASE TELL ME IF I MISSED ANYTHING!!! have a nice week. yuechube video will be uploaded soon i think!

[churrobird]

short mini-fic inspired by this post by @magnecalliope and tags by @femboyclownpierce

pangi enjoyers i dont know what inspired me to write this from pangi's POV because i dont really watch him outside of ros.... if i got his mannerisms wrong, im sorry

The tiled floor and wooden cabinets of the castle's kitchen were cold against Pangi's scales. The cold was really the only thing keeping him present, and a deep part of him despised it.

He dragged his eyes up from where he had been staring at a red stain (it wasn't blood, blood dried brown, but his heart thudded in his chest all the same) to look at Ros, desperately trying to ignore the red figure right behind her.

Pangi had found Ros in the kitchen, having tracked her down after noticing the absence of purple. She was leaning heavily against the counter, not quite falling over, with an open bottle of fruity wine in her hand. She wasn't absolutely wasted, not yet, but she was certainly on her way there.

She had looked at Pangi, her eyes wet, and asked him if she could complain to him.

Pangi was... trying, at this whole "being genuine friends with Ros" thing. It was hard, after Pili had burnt him so deeply; he didn't really remember how to be a friend.

But what he was good at was listening in on gossip, and if his love of messy chisme helped Ros get out all her woes, then no one could fault him for it.

And, Void, he knew Ros had issues, with all her violent and sacrificial tendencies and what he had heard Pili yell at her about her self-worth issues, but...

She went on, and on, and on. How she tried to make everyone happy, and how it never seemed to make her happy. Everything with Owen, which he had to shove down his old feelings of triumph about, which now felt sickening. Being Queen while Foolish was dead, and how Red and Green had hunted her every day, and how she didn't fault Pangi for it anymore, but it still scared her, even now.

It was when she finally started talking about Pili and everything he did, did Pangi ask for the half-empty bottle, and joined her in her drowning.

Halfway through whatever this was, with Pangi sobbing over his dead best friend who came back but didn't truly, and Ros sobbing over her twice-over murderer who made her angry and scared and confused, did Clown walk in.

It was an interesting experience, for Pangi's heart and soul, to be near-yelling about how Pili had died, and then for Pili's murderer to walk in the room.

All at once, he was slammed with this nauseous feeling of rage-terror-grief, spurred on by dulled memories of past lives and the haze of alcohol. For a moment, his mind screamed to just attack Clown right then and there, but the last remaining vestiges of his preservation instinct held him back.

That and... it would probably upset Ros. It was strange, how something like that mattered to him now.

Clown had just stared back at Pangi and, to his surprise, silently walked over to where Ros sat on the floor, and dropped down behind her, leaning against her back.

That's where they were now. With Ros still on a mad rant about Pili, and Pangi was trying to pay attention, trying to be a good friend, but it was getting harder and harder with a certain jester in the room.

Clown was entirely still. This alone set off every alarm bell in his head. A still, dead-silent Clown was a Clown that was planning to strike when you least expected it, and it nearly made Pangi ready his end crystals in his hotbar.

But the longer he sat here, the more he realized that wasn't all. Clown was still and silent, but he was relaxed. His posture loose, all of his weight supported against Ros. The archmage had an arm wrapped around the architect, something that normally would send the shocking fear of being grappled into anyone, but Ros had simply gotten hold of Clown's other arm, the grip being reciprocated.

For that matter, Ros was confusing too. Her hold on Clown tightened as she got more and more emotional in her ranting, until her knuckles turned white and her nails dug into the dark fabric of Clown's sleeve, like Lifesteal's deadliest player was just her emotional support stressball.

He would've expected Clown to protest in any way, but the only acknowledgment the jester gave was a soft, mumbled hum and his head lolling against Ros' shoulder, and that's the moment Pangi finally realizes,

Wait, is he also wasted?

He really didn't expect Clown to lower his guard at an event like this enough to get drunk, even if it was hosted by Ros. He also didn't expect Clown to be okay with showing off this much softness in the presence of someone like Pangi. He knew Ros and Clown were friends, by Ros' own admission, but he didn't know...

(It reminds him of Pili, and his gut churns. Days and nights spent deep underground, laying against each other and the potion machine. The sound of turtle eggs hatching and the feeling of Pili's soft fur against his scales. Sometimes, only when he's just moments from sleep, he would feel a soft, wispy caress on his head, and he felt safe.) (He felt safe with his best friend by his side, and a dark specter keeping watch over them.) (He wonders how Ros feels about getting both in just one person.)

He reaches for the bottle between him and Ros again. There's smudged purple lipstick on the rim. He doesn't care, hasn't cared about anything since Pili died, and takes another swig.

[mariacallous]

Ashley Poprik has never been the model for a video game character. As a writer on projects like Spider-Man 2 and Call of Duty: Black Ops 6, they work on games, not as characters within them. In 2023, however, a cabal of angry gamers was convinced otherwise. They were furious over how Spider-Man 2’s Mary Jane looked; more specifically, they complained, she simply wasn’t hot enough.

The problem, these gamers falsely claimed, was that Poprik—then a writing intern with no ability to change a character’s face, let alone one based on a real-life model—had inserted themself into the game. Gamers concocted this conspiracy based on a photo of the writer, placed side-by-side with Mary Jane; in the photo, Poprik and MJ both sport long hair with a middle part, are smiling, and have a similar face shape.

Poprik, who identifies as gender-fluid, describes themself as having androgynous features. “A big narrative spun up that I was a trans woman, and so I was getting hate from any alt-right winger,” they say.

“I was getting so many death threats, pictures of decapitated women, and YouTube videos about me that were just straight made-up information,” Poprik says. “It forever changed the way I feel about video games.”

Eventually, things got so bad that Poprik had to wipe personal information from the internet out of fear for their safety.

Poprik has faced months of ongoing online harassment as well as in-person accusations of making things “woke”—especially for features within the games they had no involvement in. Yet in each case, Poprik says, they received no support or security resources from the companies they worked for.

“When a marginalized dev is harassed, they’re on their own,” Poprik says.

Today, being anything other than a cisgender game developer in the United States is more dangerous than ever. Online, transgender and gender-nonconforming developers become harassment targets at the whims of reactionary grifters railing against anything socially progressive or the result of diversity, equity, and inclusion (DEI) efforts. Offline, President Donald Trump seeks to deny their existence with executive orders aimed at “restoring biological truth to the federal government,” restricting lifesaving health care for minors, and removing trans people from the military.

Other executive orders, though, pose a more imminent threat. Trump’s move to eliminate government funding for programs that battle discriminatory practices are already being mimicked by tech companies like Meta, Google, and Amazon. Developers fear their own employers could follow suit. Given that so much of what’s come to be known as “Gamergate 2.0” has focused on gamers railing against real or perceived DEI efforts, these worries don’t seem unfounded.

WIRED spoke with seven developers across the industry in workplaces ranging from AAA studios to small, independent companies. Many spoke to us only under the condition of anonymity out of concern for their safety or because they did not have permission to speak to the press on behalf of their companies. (WIRED independently confirmed all their identities and employment.) What emerged was a consistent narrative of fear, stress, and alienation that follows them into the workplace and is thriving in the online culture surrounding video games.

As Poprik notes, “being a queer person in games can feel really lonely.” Very few people seem to reach out to their affected colleagues, they add, and “sometimes it feels like the lack of any sort of support means they’re happy with the state of things right now.”

Ellen, a trans developer working in AAA games, says the thought of rolling back DEI initiatives in the games industry is particularly disconcerting because, while these programs offer support to employees, they also positively impact the larger games culture by fostering an industry that produces titles that speak to and welcome a larger group of players. (Ellen is a pseudonym.)

“At the corporate level, you're making a case why it's good business,” Ellen says. “But on a personal level you're trying to make sure your community has a space carved out in the company, and your fans have a space carved out in your games.”

Like the other developers WIRED spoke to, Ellen describes daily stress that bleeds over into her work. “The news comes like an assault,” she says. “Times like this just enforce that it's important to keep going, that art like only trans people could make needs to exist in the world more.”

Even as she wonders if she should leave the US altogether, Ellen is fearful of traveling within the country as well, given that protections for trans people vary by state. Laws related to even the basic ability to use the bathroom according to a person’s gender identity shift from place to place, and Trump’s recent moves are further complicating such matters.

Return-to-office policies in the games space, for example, are removing developers’ ability to work remotely—including in states where they may feel safer. Developers who travel internationally for work could also be at risk of losing their passports. The State Department, following the president’s executive order on “gender ideology,” is no longer issuing documents with “X” gender markers, and has begun confiscating passports and related documents indefinitely when people attempt to renew theirs.

Professionally, this spells trouble for affected developers. Many gaming events take place across the US, from Los Angeles to Boston. These gatherings are business opportunities for game developers, where they can network, learn from peers, scout new jobs, find funding, or show their games. Next month, thousands in the gaming industry will gather in San Francisco for the annual Game Developers Conference. But some developers will be forgoing the show out of concern for their safety.

“I'm concerned I'm going to get trapped in the US,” an American developer based in Canada tells WIRED. It’s also unclear if they’ll even be able to enter the States with their current passport. “No way I'm going to risk it.”

The video game industry has a poor history of standing up to targeted harassment. It’s only in the past few years that companies have begun instituting policies and taking serious action against abusive individuals. Developers themselves have complained that their companies are not doing enough to weed out harassment online. More than a decade later, the impact of Gamergate remains as a playbook for mob-driven harassment, and the communities to utilize it.

Three developers WIRED spoke to pointed to the events of Gamergate—a large-scale misogynistic and transphobic harassment campaign by online trolls in 2014 that profoundly affected all of gaming culture—as a sort of canary in the coal mine.

“Even before the bathroom bills, around the time of the first Gamergate, you could see people getting more and more bold with their anti-trans beliefs and folks just brushing it off as a ‘joke,’” says one developer. “But then jokes became memes, and memes became popular, and then an entire culture of spreading anti-trans hate became acceptable and something we are supposed to tolerate.”

Over the past year, anti-DEI efforts intensified in gaming communities as people blamed perceived flaws and flops on diversity efforts, while ignoring the macro factors of a struggling industry. Conservative circles targeted small companies and consultants they perceived as having influence on progressive values in video games. They went after anything they considered antithetical to games they wanted made—stories without minorities or queer characters, fictional women they think are attractive, and narratives bereft of what they view as leftist political agendas. Similar anti-DEI sentiments have since ripped through the tech industry and expanded nationally.

The trans community in games has felt these attacks acutely. Controversies around inclusion on something as small as optional top surgery scars in a character creator made developers targets. “It's felt like a slow creeping horror of watching right-wing party after right-wing party realize we're a softer target than the rest of the LGB community,” one developer says.

Many developers feel frustration that the gaming industry overall has remained silent so as to not alienate an imagined audience. “It signals to players and their own workers that the company lacks a spine in standing up for their work, while signaling internally that the bottom line will always be dollars,” says another developer. “Can’t piss off the bigots, because they spend money.”

It’s even more disheartening for trans, genderqueer, and nonbinary developers who work at the very companies that won’t publicly defend them. “I know there's a lot of the rainbow capitalism, ‘Hey, we're all in it together. Look at all these flags we're waving,’” says Dax, a trans developer at a AAA studio. (Dax is a pseudonym.) “But in the end, it's a company making money. They want to appeal to as many people as possible.”

Even among progressive colleagues, Dax feels disappointed in what she feels are empty platitudes: apologies with no action, or sentiments that appear to be empathetic of her experience, but reinforce the idea that she’s suffering alone. “I remember being a cis white man, and I was scared of saying anything, or doing anything,” she says. ”I wanted to stay in my lane and not bother anybody, and that's what they're doing. The second I transitioned, I was treated differently in the industry, overall.”

Over the course of reporting this story, WIRED reached out to companies that have previously participated in corporate pride events or included trans or nonbinary characters in their games, including representatives at companies such as PlayStation, Xbox, Riot Games, and Activision Blizzard, and asked about supporting their employees. Only one company replied: Devolver Digital. In a statement, the indie publisher said that it respects the rights of all individuals and does not tolerate discrimination, victimization, or harassment based on a person’s race, sex, gender identity, or gender expression. The company added that it will continue to support its colleagues by ensuring their voices are heard.

The developers WIRED spoke to are asking for more from the places that employ them, the people they work with, and the players that enjoy their games. “We should be out there being shown off,” Dax says. Companies should not shy away from hiring or representing queer communities in their games, many of the developers tell WIRED, and they want to see company DEI initiatives highlighted, rather than hidden away.

The industry is already bleeding talent through mass layoffs; refusal to support its own employees may push many more out the door. Even before the current administration, trans and gender-nonconforming developers faced discrimination. “I went from being trusted with my knowledge to being questioned,” Dax says of her transition. “They suddenly are not giving me the same respect or understanding.”

Dax says that some people are casting blame on the trans community and its current predicament for being “so out and proud.” She disagrees with that idea. “I want to see [companies] take bold choices and stand with us instead of cowering, wanting to appease this very loud, very small group of people who just can't stop slurring and screaming and being unreasonably hateful. By saying nothing, they're siding with hate.”

[merlucide]

AUGH AUGH JOLY SHIT AFTER ALL THIS TOKE I FOUND MY ALL TIME FAVORITE MHA FIC OMG OMG STOP IM ACTUALLY CRYING ITS BEEN TWO YEARS THE AUTHOR DELETED THEIR TUMBLR AND I LOST IT FORVER BUT I FOUND IT JUST NOW ON AO3 IAJSJSS PLS READ IT ITS MY FAVORITE OMG IM CRASHING OUT IM SO HAPPY TEARS ARE FALLING RN (LINK IS UTC BC IDK HOW TO COPY N PASTE AO3 LINKS)

ITS ITS PRO HERE IZUKU X NURSE READER AND SHE GETS KIDNAPPED (there’s more to it!!!) AND THE PLOT IS SO FUXKINF GOOD AND THE FHARACTERS ARE SO LIKEABLE AND ITS SO GOOD I MADE SO MUCH FANART FOR IT WHEN I FIRST READ UT PLS ITS SO GOOD IK SO HAPPY I FOUND IT IK GOMMA REREAD UT ALL OMG IM SO HAPPY AAAAA

PLEASE GIGE IT A CHANXE ITS SO GOOD HERES THE AO3 DETAILS UTC

Taken (37772 words) by Quinncupine Chapters: 10/10 Fandom: 僕のヒーローアカデミア | Boku no Hero Academia | My Hero Academia Rating: Not Rated Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply Relationships: Midoriya Izuku/Reader Characters: Midoriya Izuku, Bakugou Katsuki, Todoroki Shouto, Yagi Toshinori | All Might Additional Tags: Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Pro Hero Midoriya Izuku, Pro Hero Bakugou Katsuki, Pro Hero Todoroki Shouto, Kidnapping, Original Character(s), Reader-Insert, Deku - Freeform, Pro Hero Uraraka Ochako, Pro Hero Iida Tenya Series: Part 1 of Taken series Summary: You and Izuku have been married for a few years and though you've both been through hardships, nothing tops today. When Izuku comes back from work on his day off, he expects to find you home, ready to chew him out but what he finds instead terrifies him more than any villain ever could. Bookmarker's Notes: AUGH AUGH I FOUND JT

I’m so happy like I looked RVERYWHRRE FOR THIS!!!! pls I loved that blonde girl sooooo much i can’t remember her name ugh I when I found it it didn’t have a finished ending BUT I THINK IT DOES NOW IM GOJNA CRY ITS BEEN TWO YEARS SOBBING INTO MY HANDS

[spelllingandthemysteryschool]

I’m scrolling through your blog and im so sorry u can ignore this if you’d like, but how do you make friends? How do you find love and persist? Even though your 20s are hard you seem to have a wonderful support system of friends (I’m the same age as you). It feels so lonely here, and I can’t help but reach out and ask how you do it. I wish I had your strength.

hi! i’m so sorry for leaving this ask unanswered for a little bit. you have nothing to apologize for! 🤍

it’s true that i am lucky enough to have a number of friends i know i can turn to! for a really long time i didn’t, though, and sometimes when i think about all the people i care about who care about me in return i am genuinely stunned. i don’t know what your life looks like but either way it comes down to a few things: luck and consistency, i think. and believing genuinely you deserve the love and connection others want to give you.

when i say luck i don’t mean waiting around for people to find you. like sometimes that works! but most of the time it’s about creating the conditions for you to meet new people. if you’re still in school maybe this looks like attending club meetings or going to an interesting-sounding lecture or sitting down with the group of people you always see hanging out on the lawn. if you’re not in school maybe it means showing up to a movie screening at the local indie cinema a little early to chat and mill about, or getting a membership at a pottery studio, or going to an event at a game store near your house. if you create the circumstances in which u might meet people you who share your interests and values you probably will! so it’s not reaaaally luck, but it kind of is, only because you don’t know who exactly you’ll meet in these spaces. there are lots of opportunities to come across new people if u look into it and though it can admittedly be kind of nerve-racking if you’re not accustomed to going places alone before you have people to go with, but being a part of the world is almost always worth it.

consistency on the other hand is just about fostering the relationships that come out of these chance meetings or brief conversations until they come naturally to you. when you stumble across someone you think u could be friends with, keeping in touch is so important even if it’s mortifying to like. message someone that you’d love to hang out again or specifically reach out to suggest doing something together. but it really is that simple! i reconnected with some of my elementary school best friends who i hadn’t spoken to in years recently, and we all ended up chatting so much we decided to get brunch together to catch up, and then consistently stayed in contact to an extent where we have periodic meet-ups even though our lives have diverged so much. it’s been really nice and it was completely worth the sense of vague embarrassment and shame i felt at first putting in the effort to regularly reach out because they were also looking for company and happy to hear from me!

i will also be super honest about the fact that oftentimes you get nepo baby’d into having more friends! like for me, i got back in touch with a high school friend of mine (now my girlfriend of two years) back when we were in university together, met their friends who soon became my friends, and ended up joining a big group of people we all continued to invite new friends into. friendship, once you foster it, begets more friendship. if someone cares about you they usually will want you to meet the other people they care about too.

anyway. i don’t think i’m a very strong person at all, but i’m grateful you see me this way. i often fail at reaching out when i know i should and when i’m doing poorly i tend to try and push people away on purpose because i talk myself into thinking that i’m a burden and that my friends deserve better. but they love me anyway and are sad when i do this! so really it’s not about inherent strength, it’s just like. about. trusting that you are someone worth knowing and being around even when things feel hard, that your friends choose to hang out with and stay in your life because they value and love you. it takes time to believe it even though it’s true.

sorry if these thoughts were really scattered! i hope i made sense. i know that it’s so much easier to say these things than actually do them, but i’ve been in your shoes before and i’m still really delighted and surprised to find that i have a community to lean on. i hope that eventually you’re similarly able to find people who will love u for a long time and that life grows easier to bear both because nice things happen and because you’re sharing it with your loved ones. i’m wishing you so well!

[charl0ttan]

hihihi i listened to the glow by gold celeste and took notes on my first (and second) impressions

tl;dr tho the album of body wigglies, made me feel very pleasant inside, and got better every listen. i have autism and this album appeased it

can of worms

-slow (good slow. i need to slow down)

-pretty

-mildly makes me feel like i'm floating when i close my eyes :)

-very satisfying chords or whatever they're called, makes my brain buzz

-i have not been paying attention to the lyrics so idk what is being talked about but i like it

-realized i've been wiggling to the music

-trying to pay attention to the lyrics now but audio processing issues are preventing me from understanding so i'm just lost in the unintelligible sauce (positive)

but a poem

-making me very emotional

-oh that was short :(

open your eyes

-wiggling again

-this is the kind of music i'd love to be playing softly through my headphones while watching it rain in the evening on my balcony

-felt very good with the cold air from outside

-(listening again and it's even better the second time)

the dreamers

-drums drums drums

-reminds me of a sad scene in a coming-of-age movie and is definitely making me feel those feelings

-voice is very pretty

-kinda buzzy (in a good way. in a happy brain way)

-i like the noise at the end

grand new spin

-fascinated by the piano instrument at the beginning

-i like

-prebbyyyy

time of your life

-head bobbing

-head empty

-(head bobbing came back on a second listen and i didn't even realize it was this song again)

pastures

-snazzy

-snazzy

is this what you can not do

-snazzy pt. 2

-also shiny

-makes me think of pretty crystals reflecting light

you and i

-oooh title

-oooh what the fuck

-instrumental part at the end was very nice

on the brink

-good brain vibes with this one

the start of something beautiful

-wiggly wobbly music noises

YESSS YAAAY sooo happy u enjoyed so much + ty for the track by track analysis 😁👍itwycnd is SOOO shiny crystal music ur absolutely right. personally the chorus also feels like a heavy rain. i like imagining im standing under an umbrella. but anyway yaaaay tyy:)

[hinamie]

bunch of portraits

[ruporas]

it's time to go, my love (ID in alt)

[lilybug-02]

Eimmet High...temmiE high. OMG!

Part 28 || First || Previous || Next

--Full Series--

Next update may take...much longer! I have finals and an internship and not to mention I have to draw- A LOT :')

[zodiac-monkey]

[inkskinned]

for a while i lived in an old house; the kind u.s americans don't often get to live in - living in a really old house here is super expensive. i found out right before i moved out that the house was actually so old that it features in a poem by emily dickinson.

i liked that there were footprints in front of the sink, worn into the hardwood. there were handprints on some of the handrails. we'd find secret marks from other tenants, little hints someone else had lived and died there. and yeah, there was a lot wrong with the house. there are a lot of DIY skills you learn when you are a grad student that cannot afford to pay someone else to do-it-for-ya. i shared the house with 8 others. the house always had this noise to it. sometimes that noise was really fucking awful.

in the mornings though, the sun would slant in thick amber skiens through the windows, and i'd be the first one up. i'd shuffle around, get showered in this tub that was trying to exit through the floor, get my clothes on. i would usually creep around in the kitchen until it was time to start waking everyone else up - some of them required multiple rounds of polite hey man we gotta go knocks. and it felt... outside of time. a loud kind of quiet.

the ghosts of the house always felt like they were humming in a melody just out of reach. i know people say that the witching hour happens in the dark, but i always felt like it occurred somewhere around 6:45 in the morning. like - for literal centuries, somebody stood here and did the dishes. for literal centuries, somebody else has been looking out the window to this tree in our garden. for literal centuries, people have been stubbing their toes and cracking their backs and complaining about the weather. something about that was so... strangely lovely.

i have to be honest. i'm not a history aficionado. i know, i know; it's tragic of me. i usually respond to "this thing is super old" by being like, wow! cool! and moving on. but this house was the first time i felt like the past was standing there. like it was breathing. like someone else was drying their hands with me. playing chess on the sofa. adding honey to their tea.

i grew up in an old town. like, literally, a few miles off of walden pond (as in of the walden). (also, relatedly, don't swim in walden, it's so unbelievably dirty). but my family didn't have "old house" kind of money. we had a barely-standing house from the 70's. history existed kind of... parallel to me. you had to go somewhere to be in history. your school would pack you up on a bus and take you to some "ye olden times" place and you'd see how they used to make glass or whatever, and then you'd go home to your LEDs. most museums were small and closed before 5. you knew history was, like, somewhere, but the only thing that was open was the mcdonalds and the mall.

i remember one of my seventh grade history teachers telling us - some day you'll see how long we've been human for and that thing has been puzzling me. i know the scientific number, technically.

the house had these little scars of use. my floors didn't actually touch the walls; i had to fill them with a stopgap to stop the wind. other people had shoved rags and pieces of newspaper. i know i've lost rings and earring backs down some of the floorboards. i think the raccoons that lived in our basement probably have collected a small fortune over the years. i complain out loud to myself about how awful the stairs are (uneven, steep, evil, turning, hard to get down while holding anything) and know - someone else has said this exact same thing.

when i was packing up to leave and doing a final deep cleaning, i found a note carved in the furthest corner in the narrow cave of my closet. a child's scrawled name, a faded paint handprint, the scrangly numbers: 1857.

we've been human for a long time. way back before we can remember.

[heartorbit]

i want to know everything that makes you happy! 💫🪐🎇