#and im so done hearing people say how great it is. because it isnt.

[vanillabat99]

It has been 8 months since I lost insurance coverage, after the insurance people said there shouldn't be a lapse, and it has been complete radio silence from them. I have been put on generic government coverage, which really isn't much when you're not able bodied 🙃

The next time I hear someone say Canada has "✨Free Universal Healthcare✨" they're gonna have to pay my medical expenses.

[woundedoves]

Yan!Playboy(OC) x GN!Reader

this is like a… plot but im gonna be busy for a bit so i wanted to at least post something! you can send requests or questions about every yandere type i’ve done btw! id be hapy to hear your thoughts<3

warnings: possessiveness, toxic asshole alert, beating the shit out of someone (not the reader obvs dont worry), not proofread!

thinking about a hypocrite yandere!playboy. says you cant touch anyone cant have sex with anyone but him, but he is free to fool around however the hell he wants.

you would protest if he wasnt capable of absolutely demolishing your financial and social life, i mean you’re a virgin anyways but god, you really wanted to lose it in college.

yan!playboy who puts these restrictions for you! yes darling<3 we cant have those filthy fucks who’ve fucked the whole campus ever lay a hand on you, no no no that would ruin you. thats why he has never gone over flirting with you, he’s too afraid to taint that perfect image of you that he made up in his mind. that you’re this meek little thing that would never ever disobey what he wants as long as he got you whatever you wanted!

he invites you to a party, you tell him you’ve never been to one before. of course! you’re all so new to this so you’ll be his + 1 for the night, isnt that great?<3 until he gets a few shots down and starts acting like a horn dog like he always is to anyone that slightly looks like you or is the same gender as you, he’s all over them all while looking at you and telling you to keep watching because fuck, your expressions and your attention are so euphorically orgasmic that he can’t even imagine how that perfect fuckin body of yours would feel against his used up one.

once he gets drunk as absolute all hell and you finally get sick of his shit you just try to get out but the person you’ve been eyeing since the start of the semester comes up to you . one thing leads to another and you’re there , on one of the bedrooms of fuck knows whos villa, you’re making out and god you almost forgot how fucking good it felt to have another persons lips on yours; shivering as their hands reach your skin and carress you just right.

yan!playboy just a stumbling mess, murmuring your name and looking around for you until he opens his bedroom door to see you making out with that fuckin asshole on his bed. instantly sobering up, he yanks the person from their collar just as you gasp in horror as he proceeds to beat the shit of them. telling them to get the fuck out before he really shows them what money can hide and do, and they obviously do leave with a concerned look at you through their bruised eyes.

yan!playboy turns to look at you, he’s fucking furious, “what? i leave you for 5 fucking minutes and you go to suck off a loser’s face? are you that desperate?!” you get up, tears are bubbling up and threatening to spill as your voice wavers, “YOU are the one grinding on people while telling ME to watch! what the fuck do you expec-“ your words are cut short as he takes you by your nape and meets your lips with a really harsh kiss. making you groan in pain as he nips on your lower lip, he takes your face in his hands with force, making you look straight into his eyes

“you’re mine. you got that? you’re mine and only mine and if i see another fucker ever touch you i swear to god ill fucking kill them and lock you up and collar your pretty neck so you’ll finally be a good fucking pet. got it, darling?”

[laithraihan]

now i’m kinda curious to hear what you think of proshipping.. if you don’t mind of course

I'll share my thoughts, and if theres anything I say that doesnt make sense feel free to point it out to me because I mostly write with the help of a translator. Under the cut because I wrote too much stuff.

TLDR: proshippers hate me because I dont want to look at glorified depictions of pedophilia/incest/etc, antis hate me because my content isnt 100% sanitized. I stay around anti circles because I find it slightly easier for me to talk about my headcanons with them even though I think they can be insufferable.

So the thing about proshipping. From what I've seen it means being "anti-harassment" and being in support of curating your online experience, which sounds great on paper and that's practically what I do. I have over 3k accounts blocked on my personal twitter to navigate the website more easily and I also dont care if someone blocks me if they dont like my stuff.

Except proshippers never consider me a proshipper because I am uncomfortable with viewing glorified depictions of topics like pedophilia, incest, rape, all that stuff. The same way people are uncomfortable with excessive blood and gore (which I also can't really handle seeing). Whether or not it's always easy to tell if it's glorified is an entirely different topic, which is precisely why I stay away from all depictions in general to avoid being intrusive.

And what's interesting is that I do not label myself an "anti". Mainly because I don't even know what the term "anti" is supposed to mean ("anti-" what exactly. Genuinely please tell me because I actually dont know) But the ones who label themselves "proship" always call me an anti, because again I do not wish to engage with content related to pedophilia etc, and that alone apparently enough to be considered "a person who harasses others over fiction" even if I mind my own business and have no interest in forcing my personal tastes on others, especially if they make it clear that they wont change their mind. Which makes me believe that for a lot of self-identified proshippers, the definition of being "proship" would be more similar to "I love fucked up stuff and if you dont then youre lame and it obviously means you can't tell the difference between fiction and reality" which honestly seems like insecurity to me.

Forgive me for bringing up this up once again but I want to mention an example to make it easier for me to explain: yknow the whole thing with me drawing Minori and Reigen and labelling it "non-cp" which caused a wave of both self-identified antis and proshippers harassing me over that (I'll say that proshippers were more bold about it since the antis harassing me were all anonymous). Proshippers saw me saying "I dont ship that" and interpreted it as me being defensive and in denial, as if I said "guys I swear Im an anti !!! please dont think im a proshipper !!! ", when I meant "I dont want to discuss this with others in a shipping manner because thats not how I see it and I dont want to enter a space Im not comfortable with"

I admit I responded to this situation in a petty manner, but this was after several days of harassment done directly in my inbox and publicly (sometimes I wish yall remembered that group chats and priv accounts exist). My point is that simply saying you don't like seeing pedophilia in fiction is enough for proshippers to believe it's justified for them to harass you over it (and I'm fully aware they'll say it's not harassment, only when antis and "puriteens" do this to them then it's harassment)

Now about the anti side. Don't get me started on them either. If proshippers see me as an enemy then this must mean that I always get along with the ones who call themselves "antis" (I do not). Note that Im only talking about adults here, I dislike beefing with children and I think their feelings about this are entirely reasonable (I'll elaborate on this when talking about internet safety)

But anyways. I think a lot of adults are discourse-brained and do way too much. Im thinking of nonsense like "this ship is problematic because they are 'sibling-coded' so thats basically incest" "siblings giving each other a hug gives me proship vibes" things of that nature. And you're not allowed to do anything that even has the smallest possibility of being interpreted as "problematic", because then they'll harass you for it, and if you clarify your intentions, they expect you to apologize for "misleading" them because clearly they didnt do anything wrong by making assumptions about you.

There's almost no room allowed for creativity with them, everyone has to follow fanon because they consider it canon, if you ever want to try something other than the same boring domestic fluff then it's "too much" (and not even platonic affection is acceptable to draw in certain cases). Which is incredibly fucking boring to me who wants to see different types of content. People even said I was enjoying incest for drawing Reigen selfcest, and that I was "making others uncomfortable" by drawing it. Genuinely seems to me that they only care about moral superiority, that they never think about anything in depth, and I dont think they realize that it also shows in what they create: boring and repeated fanart and headcanons where the only thing you can say about it is "thats cute", nothing more because you saw it ten billion times already. You cant draw two people showing platonic affection that absolutely nobody would bat an eye if it happened in real life, you cant discuss something specific in more depth without people saying you have a fetish for it, and then they'll harass you based on their speculation that it's a fetish. I dont think many realize this, but fandoms are full of autistic people, so it's normal to see people who are interested in very specific things that dont make sense to others! I wish people were less judgmental, but at the same time I dont care if people think Im weird. I think what I mean is theres no reason to mistreat weird people who do no harm to others.

So yeah if you call yourself an "anti" I'll assume youre spend too much time engaging in fandom discourse and you're the type of person to believe that fanart where two people are holding hands is the equivalent to drawing them fucking each other. Which I think is a very childish mindset to have and it's worrying that many adults think this way. I also think that as an adult they should be capable of blocking stuff they hate instead of constantly arguing with people online because at this point it's just mental torture.

The thing about internet safety I mentioned earlier, I'd say this is the one thing that I'll always prioritize discussing whenever proship discourse comes up.... To put it simply: filter and limit the visibility of your content, do not put triggering stuff in the main tags, stay in your own circles. Whether or not you believe fictional rape/pedophilia/etc is bad is irrelevant, my point is that these are objectively triggering topics and should be filtered just like how there are warnings for violence and blood even if it's not real.

"But it's the parents' responsibility to control what kids look at online, this has nothing to do with me!" and I agree with the parents being the ones Primarily responsible. However the reality is that children are online and there's nothing you can do to stop it from happening. Kids will also enter spaces theyre not allowed in, theyre children and children are rebellious especially teenagers, I was like this as a teenager too. You'd be lying if you said you were always obedient since childhood and never did anything you were told Not to do. And you can't really expect teenagers to always block and not interact if they see something triggering. It's your responsibility to block them if they interact with you, because what I see most of the time is adults bickering with teenagers who are uncomfortable, calling them "puriteens", putting them on blast and allowing other adults including NSFW accounts to dunk on them.

Humiliating and degrading teenagers does not "teach them a lesson", it only makes the teenager more stubborn and reactive. Adults must accept that kids will always find their way in there even if your content isnt easily accessible. So I think it's stupid to feel offended at a child because they got upset when they found upsetting content like how any normal child would react. Which is why I wish more adults would keep blocking without saying anything petty to provoke teenagers.

Before someone pancake-waffles me and says "so youre fine with antis doxxing people" no I do not support doxxing. Ive been doxxed so I know it sucks. However the only times Ive seen it go this far is after continuous arguing because nobody knows when to stop. Im not saying this applies all the time nor am I saying doxxing is fine, but there are ways to minimize this sort of outcome as much as possible. Both sides have doxxed people over petty arguments that couldve easily been avoided if they just blocked each other and moved on.

The topic above (internet safety) is probably the only thing related to this where Im actively telling others what they should be doing. It's not only teenagers who are triggered by depictions of pedophilia etc but also adults like myself. In my case Im old enough to block content I dislike without saying a word, however I cant help but think that there's not enough being done about filtering especially when I do not search for this type of content and I still see it all the time.

I also think it's important for me to mention that I have a very poor sense of morality. I do not have a personal moral code that I adhere to, and I mostly stick to the basic universal ones that make sense to me. So I will not discuss the "morals" of consuming this stuff because I am not adequate to share an opinion on this, and I know the most popular topic of discussion related to proship discourse is morality which I frankly find counterproductive. I dont understand why people should care so much if I find something morally correct or not, unless it's to make themselves feel better about having a "superior opinion" to mine. Though I will say that if a man tells me he's into rape "but only in fiction!" then I dont think it will stop me of imagining myself bashing his skull repeatedly with large rocks. Maybe Im too mistrustful of men in general.

Final point I want to clarify is that I am not trying to assert some sort of superiority over people by disliking both sides, like saying "Im not an anti or a proshipper Im a Normal person" or something like that, and Im not expressing a "neutral" stance on the topic of fiction's influence on reality either. There are topics like racism and orientalism in fiction that Im vocal about (which is expected since Im Algerian). I genuinely believe there are many things that are interesting to discuss and should be prioritized, but too many people are chronically online, subjective and defensive, at this point I dont even think it's accurate to say that disliking one side automatically means you support the other side regarding fiction. To me, "proship discourse" is not about the debate of the effects of fiction on reality, censorship in media, etc. It's about everything I described earlier that happens online.

[andreaheartscats]

Sally Face Headcanons

-comfort Sally Face Headcanons because my feelings got hurt :')

possible TW: scars/ mention of self harm.

Sal Fisher

× he is great at comforting people let me just say that first.

× if youre crying he would hold you close to him and let you pour your heart out.

× at first he would be a little awkward not knowing what to do but then he would just hug you and hold you tight whispering comforting words to you such as

"itll be okay" "im here for you now dont worry" etc..

× he cares a lot so if anyone hurt your feelings like your boyfriend/ girlfriend / partner, he would go BATSHIT crazy and be very overprotective of you.

× so once you are done crying he would offer you some tissues/ watch a movie/ go ghost haunting/ or something like that to get your mind off of whatever was bothering you

× he is a great hugger!

× he would let you cry into his shirt not caring if you get it wet.

× if you have sh scars, he would draw over them and or kiss them. He would draw little stars, hearts or cats.

- a little scenario here:

you were at your apartmant, blade in your hand. Your eyes full of tears as your face and eyes got all puffy and red from crying. Your wrists were stinging with red lines across them wondering where did all go wrong, thoughts flying through your head unable to hear anything or anyone as everything was just too much for you to handle at this point.

Sal was worried about you, he noticed that you werent yourself for the past few days and it bothered him a lot. He tried calling you but you didnt answear your phone or his texts. He decided to go check up on you in your apartmant room. Trembling a little with fear not knowing what would he walk into he knocked on thr door a few times waiting for a response. Yet no one opened. A little more worried he knocked again, this time a bit more louder and aggressive. Yet again no answear.

He opened the door as it was unlocked and walked in hearing little sobs coming from the bathroom. Sal rushed to the noise and there he saw you, on the bathroom floor. Blade in your hand, eyes full of tears and wrist bleeding. Without saying a word he sat down next to you snapping the blade from your hand and holding you tight as tears started to form in his own eyes. He didnt bother saying anything as he just held you close him letting you sob into his shirt.

Once you were done pouring your eyes out he looked at you cupping your cheeks in his hands as he managed to mumble the words "why..?" you didnt say anything. He then took a deep breath opening one of the cabinets and taking the first aid kit to bandage your wrist up. He cleaned your cuts as you wince a little at the pain. Slowly he put bandages around your wrist as he hugged you once more but this time you didnt let go for a while.

× after this scenario you two were laying on the couch, your head against his shoulder as he held you :)

(i am SO sorry if this was bad i honestly tried my best to make this scenario as good as possible consdiring that this was my first time writing something like this, also please keep in mind english isnt my first laungage!)

Larry Johnson

× poor guy doesnt really know how to comfort people but he tries his best

× he would hug you tight, sometimes even too tight (lol)

× he would let you know that he is here for you and even if he is not too good at comforting he is definitely a good listener

× but if you didnt want to talk at the moment he would alsk respect that. So then instead he would play some music in the background and let you get yourself cozy in one of his bean bags giving you some tissues and food if you wanted.

× consdiring the fact that he doesnt know how to comfort people he would just sit across from you a little awkwardly but mind you he cares deeply about you and just wants to help you but doesnt really know how.

× if you ask him to bring you anything while you were all depressed and sad that boy would RUN and i mean full on sprint to please you and give you what you asked him to.

× and if you needed a hug, he would not only hug you that guy would full on cuddle you. Letting you lay on his chest as he held you close to him, his arms wrapped around your waist letting you peacfully and comfortably lay on him/fall asleep.

× lets say you did fall asleep, he would not dare to move, AT ALL and i mean it. even of he had to jse the bathroom or something he wouldnt dare to move and wake you up from your dream.

_________________________________________

note : i apologize if this was a little depressing (yea no shit it was) but i hope you liked it and if youre struggling with anything such as your mental health, please seek out some help! or you can just dm me i have no problem with that :)

[adidegmez]

spn s10 spoilers

s10 ep1(black)

i knew we would get demon dean but i thought a demon possessed dean. i didnt think dean would become a demon. he is with crowley and he left sam and cas. sam lost control. cas is not okay. i love crowley's humor. i dont like hannah. Daniel died because of her. Daniel and Cas were talking properly, the others disrupted it. dean wouldnt leave his brother. this isnt dean.

s10 ep2(reichenbach)

dean killed a human! and he enjoyed it. dean is happy, i guess. he doesnt care about his past, so he is happy. crowley misses dean. its just a car?!? i want old dean back. i need him.

s10 ep3(soul survivor)

crowley really loved dean. crowley saved cas. Cas arrived just in time. is dean fully cured? i hope he is. i can see the difference between demondean and dean in his eyes. I miss Dean even if it's only 3 episodes. i'm glad he's back. okay sam calls dean his brother and he cares about him. cas is okay. dean is good. im happy. rowena! this is my first time watching spn but i always see spoilers so i know her name but i dont know who she is and i didnt think we would see her this early. i was just thinking when is Charlie coming. we got rowena instead of Charlie.

s10 ep4(paper moon)

why didnt sam go with dean? he did go. Then why did he say call me if things don't go well? i thought we wouldnt see kate again. I didn't like it when Dean lied. Tasha may be a monster, but Kate is no monster. and we didnt see rowena.

s10 ep5(fan fiction)

we got work to do. he said it. im so excited. The moment they realized it was their own story was priceless. and the looks afterwards. i love deans reactions so much. dean looked at the camera. i hate when they dont believe sam and dean are sam and dean. becky and marie their favorite is sam. How come not a fan whose favorite is Dean showed up? yes, adam when will they save him? carry on was the best part here. and the amulet. chuck🥹.

s10 ep6(ask jeeves)

in some of the earlier episodes shapeshifters did not shed their skin. I was wondering how this happens there too. Then I thought they would probably continue like this and forgot about it. but now they are shedding their skin again. why is this so?

s10 ep7(girls, girls, girls)

i like rowena. angels and demons they ruin the lives of the people they posses. If she was going to let go of the body, why didn't she let go before she destroyed her life? i love dean. he was telling the guy what he wanted to hear. and thats exactly what he did with sam. he means those words. and thats probably true. Just before Crowley said, when the music came on, I knew Rowena was Crowley's mother. wow. I didn't know until the last minute that this would happen.

s10 ep8(hibbing 911)

jody and donna, i like them. dean is hunter he always will be. and he is the best hunter.

s10 ep9(the things we left behind)

i knew kathryn Newton was in supernatural but i didnt think she was jimmy's daughter. its so nice to see winchesters laugh. i love dean and cas' friendship. i dont care what anyone says john was a good father. dean and sam loved him and he loved them. he was trying to protect them. sometimes he did bad things but he always loved them. i love crowley and rowena's Accent. dean lost himself, again. Didn't Cain say that once Dean was done with the mark, he would take it from him?

s10 ep10(the hunter games)

did crowley really trust rowena? The woman with Claire looks like Katniss.

s10 ep11(there's no place like home)

yes, Charlie. I was wondering when we would see her. Dean is innocent next to the dark Charlie. dean… charlie is their little sister.

s10 ep12(about a boy)

yong dean actor is perfect. The actors who played younger Sam and Dean were always excellent. polite dean. He was always polite when he needed to be polite. So Dean's swiftie days started here. hansel and gretel! i knew we would get the last car scene but i think it would be in another ep. but it was great to see.

s10 ep13(halt & catch fire)

i just watched ghostbusters for the first time before watching this ep. they were smart they make Money when they're saving people and people believe there are ghost. i wish people believed monsterrs in this universe and hunters could earn Money while saving people. and they wouldnt get any trouble while lying. they wouldnt even need to lie. but still theyre saving people while living miserable lives.

i love gen x dean. he knows his movies shows and music the rest dosnt matter. he gave up but im sure theyll find something, but idk if its a cure.

s10 ep14(the executioner's song)

dean is so calm after killing cain. he is scaring me. he keeps so much to himself. no one can help him but himself i know but he could at least talk to sam and cas. but he wont.

s10 ep15(the things they carried)

people dont want to see winchesters. where there is a winchester there is a trouble. yes they are not the cause of the problem(usually) but they are always there to solve the problem. and thats why i love them. they are brave sweet caring kind… they are everything.

s10 ep16(paint it black)

crowley loves winchesters. sam cares about dean. i love him again. i love caring sam.

s10 ep17(inside man)

Cas is wearing a tie. i was sure we wouldnt see bobby again. but here we are. i missed him. hello boys, I assume rowena got this from crowley. bobby said what could be worse? i hope we wont learn that. i hope we can see bobby again. dean and crowley in a bar they yalked like they were old friends and i think that was nice. and crowley believed dean instead of his mother well that was the logical choice but still he chose dean. i love crowley. ş hope cas can get his grace back.

s10 ep18(book of the damned)

The hoodie suits Dean so good. first faith then now. It looks good no matter what he wears, but a hoodie is different. i hate metatron. he ran, again. where's the backup phone dean? yes Charlie and cas are bff's now. i thought sam would ask crowley. rowena is not good.

s10 ep19(the werther project)

it was nice to see benny well he wasnt benny but still it was nice. i hope sam wont kill crowley. dean really loves purgatory i think this is because he is a hunter and thats all he knows and he enjoys being a hunter.

s10 ep20(angel heart)

Can't Cas use his powers to find claire? when i started watching spn i was seeing spoilers. ı learnt cas was coming before s3. and i thought he would travel sam and dean everywhere. but he is not. we are seeing him do little. i wish we could see him more in the future.

s10 ep21(dark dynasty)

normally i wouldnt support sam because he is lying to dean but there is no other way yet at least. so go sam save dean. is charlie dead? she cant be. she is not dead cas could save her right? We saw very little of her. I want to spend more time with her.

s10 ep22(the prisoner)

she is dead! she cant be dead. i cant blame sam. He was the one who involved Charlie but charlie idk i just cant blame sam. Couldn't Cas have saved Charlie? no i cant accept charlie's death. i wont. I thought we would spend more time with Charlie. i kill gods. he is not wrong. im glad crowley is alive but he changed. i wish he would stay the way he was. dean lost control again but they were monsters so its okay i guess. Charlie cant be dead. That's all I could think about during the entire episode. dean killed the kid. I thought he would come to his senses while talking to the kid. Dean isn't completely gone, he can be saved. Charlie cant be dead. why didnt cas save her. when she died gadreel brought her back. Why didn't they bring her back this time?

s10 ep23(brother's keeper)

Dean didn't want Rudy to die either, this is the Dean we know, but his attitude when pushing him away must have been mark's influence. my dean wouldnt let rudy die. he would talk and save rudy. i need my old dean back. crowley loves dean. "i think i just killed death"why dean? he usually tries to help you. why did you kill him? dean confuses me. rowena really doesnt love crowley. Dean agreed. Both the world and Dean would have been saved, but now they have to save the world from what they themselves caused. dean why? i was okay, dean was okay sam and even death was okay with the plan and then dean just killed death, why? i know he loves his brother he would never kill him but he summoned death he asked him favor and then just killed him. World is a mess, rowena escaped, crowley and cas are not okay, sam and dean who knows what happened and Charlie is still dead. i cant wait what will happen in next season.

[letterstomichelangelo]

I know I've sent you an ask about the goldfinch before, but what do you think of the movie compared to the book -? I watched the movie before i read it but I can't remember much from it and i was wondering what you thought of it.

the movie objectively is not a particularly outstanding movie in the sense of how the story is told, the actors are great and the acting is great (save from whichever evil person decided to cast finn as boris, i love finn wolfhard hes a great actor but his slavic accent is so bad i cringe every time i hear it. unfortunately, he just wasn't the one for that role im so sorry i cant look past the accent, hes great in every other aspect), and obviously the story is great but the way in which it was executed was pretty hard to follow at times, the linear parts were good, as the acting and the original story did carry it through, but i think the way the movie tried to execute the story being told as theos suicide note contributed to why, when i watched it originally, i was slightly confused at it all. that being said the movie isnt horrendous on its own if you go in with no real expectations, i think the non-linear aspects were done so much better in other films ( AS YOU ARE!!!!!!!! ), and it came off as trying to be one of those cult films that people say everyone needs to watch atleast twice to actually call themselves a film nerd, but in the end it just doesn't hit that mark.

the book itself is written in such a unique way, as with donna tartt's other books, that truly lets it stand out showing why she's such a decorated author, however in my opinion her storytelling is extremely difficult to replicate in cinema as it relies quite heavily on having the medium of words on a page, which is why i think the director of the film chose a narrator position for older theo, as it's the most obvious way to bring that same biographical element to the movie.

in my opinion, its an okay movie but not a great representation of donna tartts writing, simply because her writing has this almost 3D element to it that is just hard to do in this other format, with the various restrictions placed onto cinema and such, i think theres a reason it was a prize-winning book that then went on to flop at the box-office.

[catos-wound]

could you elaborate on the canon thing irt mythology? i don't disagree, i would just love to hear what you think

hello! just a preface before i get into it, i'm not in this field at all as a student or professional so i'd take my own words with a grain of salt. if im getting anything wrong please do let me know!!!

im linking two posts i think are relevant by:

@/thoodledoo and @/what-even-is-thiss

and let's get on! the problem with saying something is an 'original' is that more often than not, you're going to be wrong about that. i get it! there are a number of retellings i don't like either, which narrate stories i care little for, but consider that myth is often a reflection of society and culture. people then and now ascribe stories to phenomenons and events to make sense of the world. like,

persephone's tale gives a mythological reason to why we have the change of seasons. now, imagine i said "in the original myth, persephone was an unwilling captive".

one, what myth am i saying is the "origin"? hesiod, because he was one of (if not) the first to write it down? do you see the problem here? does 'original' just mean the first instance of recording?

and then, two, does it make every adaptation of persephone's myth that came after that something 'fake'? are you going to beef with ovid for changing your 'original myth'?

it's absolutely alright (and id say encouraged!) to critique adaptations and retellings. this, however, should be done with the understanding that changing a myth isn't the crucial factor here - it's how it affects and reflects on us in this time. an example,

your reaction to a medusa retelling could be less "but in the original she wasn't a victim of rape! this is taking away from her girlbossness!", because what is the original??, and more "how does her backstory, given to her by this author, affect her character and how [x group of people] are represented in media" (or something like that).

essentially, like any other literature, how does this one impact anyone and anything at all?

back to homer, a lot of the time (i find) when someone says something like 'originally odysseus was assaulted by calypso' is that they mean a very specific source of myth - i.e. the odyssey. oral myth tradition predates written work by centuries. just because homer (not even sure about this, actually) wrote it down first, does not mean he is your og!! the odysseus in homer's two works don't even sound like the same person!

like hi! i love homer! but let's not pretend he was mr "came up with every myth about the trojan war under the sun".

making very obvious my point here, my critic of a book, like say, the song of achilles, isnt that madeline miller failed to copy the iliad plot for plot. it's fine that she changed it! in fact, it's great! it's a myth! it changes with time anyway! my critic is that girl you made patroclus literally the boringest blandest boy ever good god, (only sort of joking)

tldr; there is no real mythological canon. clarify, make it clear and say 'in homer's iliad' or something if you need to. don't brush a story off just because it doesn't fit within the version of the myth you know. and don't cheapen your criticism by saying it isn't original.

[blimbo-buddy]

HI HI i think you have requests open or maybe not. im not sure but this isnt about that i dunno if this is a weird question but did you wanna talk about why you love tigerheartstar?? im genuinely curious cuz i dont hear ppl talking about it at all and i personally have barely rid a few books with him in them and i figure talking about ur favorite cat might be fun if you feel like it !! cheers

Not a weird question at all! I really like TigerHeartStar because, well, I just think he's super neat and interesting. The entire thing with him being named after his grandfather on his mother's side adds on a lot of layers to his character I think, especially now that he shares a name with TigerStar letter-for-letter. I like his beef with IvyPool because as much as the narrative wants you to think that it's IvyPool who's in the right, I'm still easily able to look right through that and see that TigerHeart's disliking towards her is justified. He literally witnessed IvyPool almost destroy FlameTail's spirit forever, I think he's going to hold a grudge towards her

His stuff in AVoS is pretty neat too, even if I barely remember anything about the arc. TigerHeart's Shadow isn't as bad as people say it is, it definitely has it's infuriating moments, but, what warrior cats book doesn't have that? Also to clear things up, no, TigerHeart never "colonized" The Guardians, you guys just love to toss that word around like candy. I love the idea of him having a strained relationship with his parents, RowanStar for being, well, RowanStar, and TawnyPelt for naming him after TigerStar to try and separate the Tiger prefix from TigerStar 1, only to then keep going "Wow you're being just like TigerStar". Like, yeah I don't think RowanStar or TawnyPelt are the best parents

And this isn't even to begin talking about his relationship with DoveWing. I know that forbidden love is a trope that Warriors fans are tired of seeing, but, I genuinely think that this forbidden love is an exception, it's great. They actually start off not immediately being in love with each other, they both become friends at first but slowly they begin to grow feelings for one another. It feels genuinely natural. TigerHeart and DoveWing are the best canon couple in warrior cats, they actually talk and communicate to each other, they let the other know how they're feeling about the things that the other one is doing and they work their way through solving the issue at hand. When do you see this with couples like FireSand, when do you see this level of communication with any canon couples or even friendships in warrior cats? (Don't say TallJake, you know damn well those two barely communicated and barely got to know each other)

In TBC he's just, a fucking powerhouse, willing to defend his son with every ounce of energy in his body and willing to hide secrets from everybody else so that his son can be protected. TigerHeartStar loves his family so much and we especially see this in TBC. And in the recent books of ASC, he's even better. TigerHeartStar needs Riverclan to get their shit together, he realizes that if nothing is done about their situation, then their clan will shrivel away forever and disband, just like Shadowclan in AVoS. The common argument is that TigerHeart is "taking over" Riverclan, but that's just not true, he literally just needs Riverclan to get their shit figured out and he takes up the leadership role for them temporarily because CLEARLY they can't pick a leader for themselves without sitting on their asses, waiting for Starclan to spoon feed them information. What sucks is that the books keep trying to make us hate TigerHeartStar, but really, every attempt at doing so is just making me like him and making me go "He has a point though, why are you booing him, he's right". Once again, this is another situation that makes people claim he's colonizing Riverclan, but that's just stupid fucking talk because clearly this fandom made up of primarily white fans has this skewed idea on what colonization is and what makes a colonizer. They think LeafStar is "getting his ass" but they just want even a shred of stuff to praise LeafStar for. LeafStar sucks in this situation, I don't care if I lose more followers for this.

I'm going to stop myself from rambling more and more about TigerHeartStar, but hopefully my… essay-long ramblings have helped with your question!

[ladydevoir]

For ladybug and fallen petals:

8. What’s one way their personalities compliment one another?

14. Are they an introverted couple or an extroverted one—AKA would they prefer to go out to a party or event together or would they rather stay in?

30. What is their favorite place to kiss the other? (Cheek, hand, closed eyelid, neck, nose, etc.)

40. Who makes the other smile with almost no effort at all?

Ladybug: 8. What’s one way their personalities compliment one another? Im not sure if it counts as purrsonality, but something I have liked since the scene in V8, is how Ruby's hopefulness inspires Blake to trust in her completely. When given the choice to go with Yang, who she has deep feelings for, or staying and trusting in Ruby's plan, she chose Ruby, because she has total, unshakable trust in Ruby. So, Ruby's hope compliments Blake's trust, and vice versa.

14. Are they an introverted couple or an extroverted one—AKA would they prefer to go out to a party or event together or would they rather stay in?

Introverted, 100%. They have no problems going out with friends (since Yang, Nora and Jaune are extroverted) but if they arent around, they're staying at home, relaxing together on the sofa.

30. What is their favorite place to kiss the other? (Cheek, hand, closed eyelid, neck, nose, etc.)

Ruby loves giving Blake quick pecks on the cheek, and will try and do it as a surprise (Blake's hearing means she always knows its coming, but she likes playing along). Blake meanwhile, loves to kiss Ruby on the forehead, usually when cuddling together~

40. Who makes the other smile with almost no effort at all?

Ruby. All Blake has to do is look over at Ruby and thats enough to make Blake smile. Now for Fallen Petals: 8. What’s one way their personalities compliment one another?

Cinder's more down-to-earth purrsonality compliments Ruby's hopeful optimistic one greatly Ruby isnt dumb, she knows full well the world isnt great, she says as much at the beginning of the series. When Blake says the world isnt like a fairytale, she doesnt even try to deny it, just responding "Thats why we're here. To make things better." There's a reason people gravitate towards Ruby, and even Cinder has to admit it. But, sometimes Ruby can get lost in trying to handle too much at once, and thats where Cinder's more nuanced purrsonality comes into play, to help keep her girlfriend from drowing in a sea of non-stop responsibility.

14. Are they an introverted couple or an extroverted one—AKA would they prefer to go out to a party or event together or would they rather stay in?

Cinder isnt as introverted as Ruby is, but she has no issues staying inside. With all the struggles she's gone through in her life, being safe at home with her girlfriend puts her at ease. Their usual passtime at home is Cinder sewing new outfits (or patching up battle damage) while Ruby tinkers with her weapon(s).

30. What is their favorite place to kiss the other? (Cheek, hand, closed eyelid, neck, nose, etc.)

Once again, Ruby's fav is a quick cheek peck. Only unlike Blake, Cinder doesnt see it coming, just feeling a quick peck and when she turns just petals where Ruby was. On the occassions that Cinder is ready for it, she 100% goes for the neck with a teasing kiss of her own. She loves to see Ruby flustered, even if she doesnt plan on doing anything else.

40. Who makes the other smile with almost no effort at all?

Once again, its Ruby. There's just something about Ruby, Cinder notes, that makes people feel better, even if she hasnt done anything.

[fatratbabyy]

hi! i really love your designs, the colours are always really well done anf the characters are full of life.. and i love how your rewrites give the characters complexity and make them really interesting to me, much more so than canon(though i am a fan of some ideas introduced there, they don’t quite turn out in ways that make sense to me)! i’ve been wondering a few things about helluva troupe for a while however and hopefully the answers aren’t spoilers, lol.. in HT, what is Fizz’s involvement with the ‘troupe’ and what is stolas’s involvement too.? i wish you much luck on your work as it is lovely to see! (also apologies for my silly username)

Thank You!

Thank you so much that means a lot!! waaAahee! It makes me happy to see people interested 🥺👉👈

With Fizz it's,,, a bit Fuzzy, because hilariously he's the whole reason I made this AU among other things But I ended up makinh him a sorta side character antag again because while originally he was going to be part of the main crew from the start of HT's storyline, as I went along in trying to write I saw some cool hcs about his star clown days and so I thought to use the more canonized view- mostly in that he's a star clown during the events of HT instead of dropping the show life to join Blitz in I.M.P. That previous version is why you see him in the I.M.P references- and hinty hoo that ol version isnt completely null and voice to the current HT

ANYWAY so yeah- While Fizz isn't as much a main character as he was he still has a great deal of importance to the story and themes I want to express in HT. When it comes to him and the Troupe itself, I could best describe him as one of the biggest foils or parallels to the main cast. Just,, he's this golden image that represents their every want fulfilled. For Blitz especially given their thick history heehooo. (That's not to say this 'golden image' is entirely as it seems btw...)

Now it sounds much like canon I know but I like to think I'm taking a different direction with it- It's not really just the "haha you suck with relationships, fuck, shit, pénis im doing better look at my good relationship" nonsense cuz for 1. Fizzarozzie does nOT exist anymore- its Mamzie now 😊 (Mammon + Ozzie) and 2. The themes with Fizz and really most of HT has less to do with the melodramatic romance "will they wont they" of Stolitz (which isnt really a thing either) and more the struggle impoverished and oppressed peoples experience with success, failure, identity, community, family, status, history, trauma, etccc. Specifically, because I am an indigenous person from Canada, a lot of the themes are drawn from my own experiences, knowledge and history as an indigenous person. Though with execution, creative liberties were taken to make the fact they're in Hell clear btww-

That very likely did nOT answer jour question but i amn,,,stoopi 😭😭😭 simpler answer i suppose maybe by chance would be Fizz is an eventual antagonist to I.M.P. Specifics and how it happens and wheNNN?? Im still not sure yet if im honest- been really busy the last year or so and so Ive hadnt had any time or energy to work as much on writing all the things! ;u; thats probs disappointing to hear cuz plaNNing and all is important if you're gonna post story stuff at all,,, but !! I do hope to work more on the story this year so i can wrap up all these floating ideas into a Concrete line of stuff cuz truly all im missing is the middle pieces. Maybe an HT comic will be real this/or next year! 👀🏃

ANYHOOT ONTO STOLAS! i rambled a bit too much about Fizz cuz im still figuring him out- Stolas might be a bit shorter cuz his role is sweet and simplisticerr.

So, Stolas is an antagonist. He and Blitz still have an exchange sort of deal, but the deal is Blitz gets to keep the grimoire for I.M.P if he handles Stolas' "errands" and gives it back on the full moon with ofc none of the uh,,hawny stuff, obv. Blitz kinda keeps this deal under wraps from the rest of I.M.P because for him, it hurts his pride to admit he's in need of some big guy's help. And Stolas is somewhat aware of this. And so, Stolas is this looming, cruel threat that Blitz carries the burden of cuz he's stubborn as fuck whilst the rest of I.M.P remain ignorant.

Some bonus notes that dont really have to do with Stolas involvement with imp but jus how stuff ive changed with his canon influence the story diff than canon; so, Stella isnt a thing anymore. In general the Goetia work much differently- majority of the Goetia being the children of Ozzie instead of Paimon (who is Stolas' sibling now btw too) and the Goetia being thousands of years old instead of fucking 30- Also! While Via is existant she is but a baby instead of a moody teen,, ties heavily with Stolas' motives and how he operates as a character, royal, and Goetian and felt it would work better with how HT Stolas is as a character than it would otherwise.

Also no worries about the username! I dont like canon stolas much either lol,,;

I apologize if this didnt answer much 😭 feel free to let me know if you wanna hear about somn else gwahgh 🏃

[sinkableruby]

What are your top 5 Ougi scenes/appearances?

good ask to send me than,k you

starting from 5 well i guess i dont really have like a strict order except for maybe the top one i dont know i dont know i love all of them actually im just gonna do it in chrono order

um spoilers of course dont read this if u havent finished the whole anime (the whole anime!) there will be screencaps...

okay if im going chronoogically i must give my hat to owarimonogtari part 1. wait FUCK theres so many scenes in that shit.......... im gonna be running out of space damnit.... well to summarize it BRIEFLY... (how the fuck do you even summarize it briefly my feelings are large and want to burst out of my chest)... ougis sinister leading araragi down dark paths and poking at his past and knowing the deal but playing-dumbery and antics are just amazing. and shes so cool as she does it how did she get to be that cool! evil and cool.... thats the summary but the scene i would want to talk about is of course the showdown with hanekawa (the first one i guess). uh bc its like really funny? the showdown is great its such a fun buildup of tension and they're like passive-aggressive/plain-aggressive-but-still-loosely-following-social-boundaries trying fighting each other... its great. i think in the light novels when hanekawa says 'but i would have done a better job' ougis smile freezes. you can hear the glass break. you can just hear her in her head shes going like ".......................bitch,? so that's how you wanna play it?" i wish that got animated sometimes. and also of course. it ends how it ends.

its an incredible moment because literally the moment she says this you're like ah. i see. so ougi loses. LMAOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

LIKE GG NO RE 😭😭😭😭😭😭 SORRY OUGI YOU LOST.... DONMAI ITS OK DONT WORRY ABOUT IT. YOU DONT EVEN HAVE TO SEE ANYTHING AFTER ITS LIKE AH. GOTCHA. i was rooting for her to win when i was watching but... this was just so funny. the best way for things to have gone i think.

its also so good how she stands there after like. fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuck.......... usually ougi is the one doing things to people and its funny but this is also just so hilarious its done so well.

i also want to talk about otori, because ougi in otori is very cool. my first time watching otori i was very in tune with nadeko so hearing ougi do a kinda takedown of her was a very interesting experience for me. she was very sinister and severe and foreboding...... very fun. and of course when it turns out she's been tugging at the strings..... heeheehee THATS SO COOL. i mean looking at these scenes like some of these shots are so cool.

^ the face of someone so evil......

ok going later

i never see people talking about this one but the scene in hitagi rendevous in owari ge that happens on the second episode after the ending is like. oogh. its like the big instance before the finale proper in ougi dark where the show starts fucking slapping you in the face screaming "PAY ATTENTION THERE'S SOMETHING IMPORTANT HAPPENING HERE"

like this shot this FUCKING SHOT. is it just me? is it just me am i the only one who feels acute pain at this? there's something about it thats just so............... like somethings wrong. like thats what i feel like something is wrong and im concerned for this person you feel me?

shes so tired trying to get his attention and do her job and all that shes pressing the doorbell laying down... and then she sees him and goes like 'im exhausted' and just keeps girlbossing like. and like asks araragi (from her perspective) not to kill her and hes just like no and shes just like damn that sucks oh well lol. like imagine being alive for 6 months having no home (shes laying on the god damn nameplate of his house augh...) and knowing full well you're about to die, the things youre seeing now will be some of the last things you ever experience before your consciousness is gone forever (bc she isnt going to hell shes being erased). that's so cool and awesome (horrifying). anyway ougi doesnt care shes got a job to do X) (shes so insane i love her)

also that home thing and the tiredness thing is one of the big things i wrote ougi stay about so ill just take the chance to plug it if ur still reading this go read my fic! i like it a lot i think its nice. its mostly funny but it also talks about this stuff too a bit. go read it

ok next.

dont know whether to count the different parts of this scene as separate or not but i think it shouldnt be separated bc its all important to the scene and that is OF COURSE: ougi dark starting with ougi's convo with tsukihi (the build up… it's oddly calm so you feel somewhat reassured but you KNOW something's going to happen… the buildup of tension starts here and keeps rising). the contents of that conversation, near the end are like, really cool things to be included because up until that point we still dont have SO much insight as to who ougi is but she opens up a bit to tsukihi here and its kind of a paradigm shift to see.

there's something so poignant about this fraught mood...

such an ougi way of talking about one's feelings about oneself...

at least for me when i was watching i was already like, kinda rooting for ougi bc i wanted bad things to happen to araragi (lol) but also like. ougis just so insanely entertaining and fun that like, uh obviously i would root for her here. so when this fun silly funny little fun character starts bustin out the:

its like woah wait huh back up hold on a second there. i care you>???????

like literally the whole confrontation with ougi and araragi it is just like oh no since when did i care about this character so much oh no oh god oh fuck...

like how come they gotta hit me with all these gut punches what did i do to deserve this

like whats so cool about it is with how its directed and the score (and the voice acting!! the seiyuu did an INCREDIBLE job) and everything you can tell shes scared but like again shes actually insane so she's just gonna be like yeah this is the right way for things to happen

(it seems a lot like she did all this wanting the outcome of her losing to araragi, at least to me. hanekawa also says so in the commentary tracks of ougi dark. so thats another layer. theres so many layers... i dont know how many of these layers people pick up on but by golly do i pick up on them)

and of course he saves her (imagine if he didnt? id kill him. WAIT ACTUALLY THERE ARE PEOPLE WHO ARE LIKE "ARARAGI SHOULDNT HAVE SAVED HER" NEVER GO ON THE REDDIT DISCORD SERVER FOR MONOGATARI PEOPLE ACTUALLY THINK THIS WAY IM LITERALLY GOING TO KILL THEM ITS SO. ok i wont talk about it), and she gets mad and its like i KNEW you were putting up a bold front you had emotions this whole time and then its like. oh you had emotions this whole time and you were totally aware of everything and just kinda had to deal with it thats kinda fucked up (i think a lot about how being an oddity born of self-criticism necessarily means you have to be self-aware and how that leads to ougi being a kind of exceptional type of oddity and like how it ties into identity and like... all that stuff). but the emotional breakdown/outburst is so good... augggghhghhh its so good 😭😭😭

(like i think sometimes about how if they had done this wrong, it would feel out of place for ougis generally not-emotion-showing character/not emotional in general character, but they did it so well... its so good)

and of COURSE to cap off this perfect beautiful wonderful scene we get THE GWEH AKA THE PEAK OF FICTION. IT DOESNT GET BETTER THAN THIS. NO IM NOT JOKING. LITERALLY WHEN I SAW THIS I HAD AN EPIPHANY. NOT JUST BECAUSE ITS ADORABLE BUT BECAUSE ITS LIKE HOLY SHIT INTUITIVELY A PART OF ME UNDERSTANDS. THIS *IS* **THE** BEST CHARACTER. and i went to go pace around my room being hype about it. im not joking really bc the novel talks about it being like "an utterly unattractive true-to-life" groan or something that proves she has "substance" which is like... yeah! she's her own person! not just made of lies or w/e!! the gweh actually ties everything together in such a perfect way and i am physically incapable of remaining in bad mood after i see it. i saw it the first time and i was like :O -> :) -> :DDDDDDDDDD and that hasn't changed since it will always put a smile on my face 😌

also also ougi in zoku owari is incredible too so good. the TEEHEE THE TEEHEE IS SO AMAZING. like YEAH!!!! YOURE A LITTLE ROTTEN PRANKSTER TEEHEE!!!!!! YEAH!!!! TRICKSTER TIME TIME TO BE TRICKY A TRICKY LITTLE TRICKSTER YEAH!!!!!!!!!!! and we get more classic ougi exposition/explanation..... havent talked about this as much but their ideas are so interesting.... theyre so interesting and cool i would pay to hear them share ideas about things.............. anyway one other thing i really appreciate about this scene is the shared intimacy between ougi and araragi. it feels more personal yk. this sorta comfortable, natural, thoughtless intimacy is something i absolutely adore about their dynamic but it basically only happens right here in zoku owari, and not even so much in the light novel version. its interesting... i want to write about it. im GOING to write about it mark my words

also honorable mention to ougi in hanamonogatari. theres nothing like big enough about these scenes to mention in comparison with the rest of them bc theyre so short but. BOY OUGI YEAHHHHHHHHHHH HES TRANS WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO i saw that and i was like >:) yeah kanbaru wym hes been a boy this whole time >:)))) don't misgender him god...... >:))))))))))))) (AND HE LOOKS SO COOL THEY ANIMATED HIM SO COOL BC HES IN BOYMODE HES SUCH A BOY FUCK YEAH)

also fuck i didnt talk about the whole planetarium dream scene. that was also good.

ummm yeah i could just talk about this forever and keep talking about scenes and stuff but ill leave it here bc u said 5 and ive already technically named like 7 at least so. yeah. but i dont really have like a ranking order necessarily, except for ougi dark bc its just so so so SO good.

thank you for enabling my derangement ive been writing this since u sent it to me im so ougipilled right now you wouldnt even believe. im ougi wired.

[goremet-chef]

i love polyamory 🗣‼ life changing for real like. IDK i think a lot of my disconnect to things directly comes from autism so to ik to a lot of people they CANNOT imagine such a thing but its pretty easy for me? like its just a bigger relationship its great, i work better in groups anyways thats why like all of my self inserts are inserted into polyam relationships. if its not virginia and kelvin, its link and sidon, papyrus and mettaton LIKE. SHIT LIKE THAT its just second nature for me.

(didnt mean to ramble so hard but welcome back to dominics yapping club today we're going to be yapping about my connection with romantic vs platonic love because its my tumblr and im here to YAP)

i guess that disconnect honestly. i STILL really have no idea if im actually aromantic or not. like i do a lot of yearning but am i REALLY yearning? i cant read myself so i have no idea like genuinely it is a FULL mystery who knows!!!! i think maybe like. okay it falls on bpd and how that affected my relationships, when i think back to it i can tell everyone ive ever been in relationship with, they were my FP so maybe i did love them? but i know i was also obsessed like.... listen looking back on younger me clueless to what bpd even was, having a mental breakdown in middleschool cuz yr online girlfriend made matching icons with HER AND HER FRIENDS FURSONAS..... like genuinely i was SO CRUSHED i thought it was over and done and i was like what about all that we had!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

SO DRAMATIC OKAY... i dont blame younger me cuz he couldnt have known but like... the signs have always been there KSFS im a lot more. managed now, at least i try my best to be and from what i can tell in my 'recent' relationship adventures, one of them i was ONLY obsessed with for a little while cuz he gave me attention even tho he sucked a little and then the obsession like.. faded. it was over and i said goodbye and that was that (which. IK IT SOUNDS AWFUL but it was one of those sexual interest things and outside of that attention, he was very manipulative and honestly a little rude so. i did the right thing idk why i keep losing the relationship lottery)

i guess i just get nervous about that happening again, but like. im slowly realizing i can be obsessed with someone yes, but i can also love them. i think i spent a while there like.. discrediting any of the love i felt for anyone because it was accompanied with obsession, but thats not true!! i did love them, i loved her and i loved him and it all like. idk its a lie, ive been lying to myself and saying im only capable of brutal obsession when its not true, i can love too. i love all the time!!!!! i love my pets i love my friends like. im a lover!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! this is honestly the first time im really realizing that tbh but. its the truth even if theres a lot of bitterness and anger and pain inside of me, there is also love

i think my problem is i just dont understand romantic relationship? like on an autism level cuz to me like. whats the difference between a partner and a friend? LIKE GENUINELY cuz im about as affectionate with a friend as how i should be with a partner SO WHERES THE LINE? to me there just is no line like idk i really cant see it! i think if yr dating someone, they SHOULD be yr friend because what................. like how could you get with someone whos not yr friend already yknow what i mean where did you find that guy!!!! and where has he BEEEN put him back bro.....

and even then i think i hear a lot of people describe their relationships as like 'dating their best friend' yes im sure but that just makes it murkier like. i think that romance isnt real guys i think its made up and its just a word, theres this like. this elevation of romantic love in comparison to platonic love and i do not understand why because its the same thing for me? i love my friends just as hard as id love a partner because thats what they DESERVE, so like idk i think in my head i dont see it either way its just love? the lines are too blurry for me to process so i just disregard them completely, somethin like that.

interesting to think about but it. like no one else feels that way so its very. if i did have a partner, could i give them what they need? i could love them til the very end, but like. what do they want from me............... like is there some unspoken rules that i need to have spoken to me or something, is it wrong for me to love my friends like that? is it wrong for me to love my partner like that? like i genuinely cant tell. i know people say ohh when you fall in love its this connection youve never had before its so special and new and different from yr other relationships and to that??? you must just not have very close friends!!! id do anything for my friends id lay my life down for them id eat them out id DO ORGANIZED CRIME AND BECOME A MAFIA BOSS i let them PEER PRESSURE ME INTO DRUGS AND ALCOHOL (lie), id go out on FRIEND DATES BASICALLY its so cute we all go out together and just hang around and shop and eat together like i love it and i would sit in their beds and just. be quiet because we dont need to be talking !!!!!!!!!!! ill sleep with them ill let them touch me even which says a lot cuz i REALLY dont like to be touched!!!!!! its love so deep it makes my brain fuzzy like im giggling right now teehee i love all my friends so much i give every single one of them a little kiss

my POINT IS i jsut dont see the need for like. the labels i guess? because to me there is no difference between romantic and platonic love, its all just LOVE i think thats whats made me feel so. STRANGE all the time, everyone always describes sparks and shit and i just dont understand cuz i spark with everyone i love, i wouldnt love them if i didnt!!!!!! grining

so am i aromantic? i do not know because i dont believe in romantic love/???? like. i dont think its that im lacking romantic attraction i think its just that romantic attraction and platonic attraction are the same thing for me basically like its just RAW LOVE AND ADORATION and i can extend that to anyone

OKAY i know this is so long this is literally me just. im like self mediating myself rn okay im HELPING MYSELF UNDERSTAND ME BETTER cuz i really have no idea whats going on at all

[donnerpartyofone]

man i hope this isnt weird and i know its a little weird but ive followed you for a while and feel a deep kindred spirit with you. i know its only parasocial and we arent mutuals so its all good but like some of the things you post resonate with me so deeply and you articulate things abt yourself that i also feel abt my self but you articulate them better than i ever could. also we have very similar hair but i usually weird mine buzzed but when it grows out it looks a lot like yours and you rock it in ways i never feel confident enough to do. idk i just saw your post abt being a bad person but not in the ways ppl think you are and thats like something i think to myself all the time like i wish ppl who think im good knew i was bad and ppl who think im bad knew how wrong they were abt the ways im bad. and things youve posted abt being a stupid person and having ppl be like "youre not" resonate too bcuz its like im painfully PAINfully aware of my own stupidity and bumbling thru like but my loved ones dont want me to think that way or acknowledge it but i think there is something truly liberating in knowing i am inherently dumb in a lot of ways and to a lot of things and i have to work harder to live a good life bcuz of it. idk. im doing a bad job of explaining myself here. but anyways. i just wanna say thanks for putting your thoughts on this website for me to follow and keep doing you, bcuz youre doing it great.

Well I hope it's not weird for me to post this, I suppose it is anonymous after all; it feels kind of private to me but also I am also having a freakishly difficult couple of weeks and it was meaningful to hear someone say "I know what you're talking about." (I think you are speaking very clearly btw) I feel like a lot of the rhetoric society uses to address people who have depression is devised by people who don't suffer from it, like there's a lot of language about how "you're not alone" and a lot of idealizing talk about how great the self-denigrating sufferer appears to others, and that's nice and all but it kind of dismisses the individual's own personal experience of themselves. A person is more complex than their need for extra hugs or attention or something, and a person's perception of themselves/experience of having to be with themselves is not contingent on the perceptions of others even if the external impressions are positive. I don't know, I hate to shit on supportive behaviors but a lot of them are basically dismissive of a person's status as the de facto expert on themselves; I don't really think it's ultimately helpful to make people feel like they don't know what they're talking about, about their own selves. It can be maddening actually, and idealizing talk in particular has a way of suggesting that things have to be great for them to be at all acceptable. Which is really oppressive to tell the truth.

Interlude: In grade school my best friend's class had to do this exercise where they made acronyms of of their first names using various personal qualities, and the teachers gave her shit because for the letter A she used Adequate, and they thought this was, like...bad and had to be corrected.

Anyway I have always written very obsessively and I think it's related to wanting to be understood. Which is not the same thing as wanting to be appreciated, or wanting to feel not-alone. I think I just want someone to say they know what I'm talking about, instead of telling flattering lies or suggesting that something is wrong to say or dismissable just because it seems negative or painful. As if discomfort is automatically invalidating. Someone asked me recently if I journal and I laughed because I've done it all my life, and also because I actually have a SACK of journals under my bed, one regular one, one for dreams, one that's about my dysfunctional relationship with money and materials, etc. And then there's my various blogs of course. I have a couple of semi-pro writing projects going too that I hope I get to announce soon. But it's really all about just the fantasy of articulating something so carefully, preferably in ink (or "ink"), that no one can possibly pretend that they don't know what I'm talking about ever again.

It's funny that we wear our hair the same. I used to wear it half-shaved but my hair grows so fast, it gave me a lot of anxiety. But on that note I must say that whatever pictures of me you see are like 1/1000, I find it very hard to take a picture I'm satisfied with and I often just wind up feeling embarrassed, but ultimately I think I'm just trying to fix some positive mental image of myself even though I know we're all different people at different hours of each day. I dunno. Actually it becomes problematic because a couple of people are always telling me how "photogenic" I am and then I'm like WHY DID IT TAKE ME THREE HOURS TO GET THIS ONE SHOT THEN, and they refuse to believe me when I explain how many pictures I throw out. They think they're doing me a big favor by pretending everything is effortless for me. I have especial problems with my hair, probably every picture you see of me was anxiously snapped at some exact moment when it was behaving! So don't worry, I'm having a really hard time with my appearance basically always. Pictures other people take of me are mortifying, and I'm always like FUCK, that's what they think is a good, representative photo of me? Uh oh. Pictures I take of myself are usually taken in an emergency in fleeting, ephemeral moments where I suddenly look ok to myself.

This morning I went to the church where I've been going since February, a beautiful place full of eccentric older people I have fallen a little in love with. Sometimes I'm tempted to actually convert to Catholicism, like maybe that would be the gothest thing I could do, but I know that I will always believe in abortion and the right to suicide and I'm not too sure about hell or the historical Jesus or papal authority. I just really like it in this specific church. This morning one of the oldest ladies who goes on the weekdays like me introduced herself, she was very sweet and she was wearing hoops that were styled like chains, I don't think she realized they were bad bitch earrings, they just looked nice on her. She said it was nice to see "young people" getting involved with the church, and I wanted to tell her I turned 42 last week, but I might still be the youngest person there! When I met some of the other folks last month they told my husband that he looked like Geraldo Rivera, and then remarked that they thought we were too young to be aware of Geraldo. I told them we're old enough, we're just packed in our own oil. Anyway this is my big excuse to post selfies I was struggling with, I feel more conflicted about them these days, but I guess I'm still compelled. Thanks so much for your understanding, and have a good night!

[polyamorouspunk]

crush stuff !! very slight rant and then me gushing

we havent talked im a week and im going rabid and i dont want to text him Again for a reply but :((( AND and i dont even know if he likes women, or whatever gender i am (transmasc bigender ?) but lets be real everyone percieves me as a woman so . i know he likes men but otherwise idk and how do i Tell without just straight up asking ??

but anyways onto the sap shit :

my crush (he/they) made me come to the embarassing realization that my type is Nice People. like just give me someone warm and sunshiney with a sweet smile and i will be done for, doesnt matter if its more exciteable golden retriever energy or more soft and quiet, if they are extra nice then im down horrendous

with Them i was done for the moment they spoke bc holy shit that Voice it was the softest kindest fucking voice i have ever god damn heard and in our first 2 min convo they somehow managed to be The most considerate person ive ever spoken to and . ugh

also he offered to shave my hair for me once and if that isnt any punks dream idk what is 😔😔😔

“My type is nice people” well damn there goes me /s

Man not hearing from someone for a week would drive me crazy if I had a crush on them in an FP way. I would have to send a meme or something.

I feel that with the “everyone perceives me as Woman™️ anyway”. I mean I AM wearing a wlw shirt today so I can’t be like “why don’t people perceive me as a guy? I’m wearing a lesbian shirt :(” BUT yeah what is gender? What is plurality? What is singularity? Where do “I” end and “someone else” begins? I don’t know, so I just Don’t Talk About It With People Irl! If you like women cool we can date. You can perceive me as woman it’s fine. Because I would feel insincere being like “lol nooo gay guy I’m totally a guy like once in a while not really lol”. How do you ask without outright asking? Ask about a character or actress or something? Be like “omg isn’t uuuh Taylor Swift (?) sooo pretty man girls am I right haha-” ? Maybe ? I feel comfortable when guys I’m dating are at least a little bisexual so I can feel okay about being gender funky.

You should let him shave your hair for you, people doing your hair for you is so intimate. I mean like in a professional setting less so but I grew up with someone who was like my sister dying my hair for me and it was just two teenage girls (kinda) sitting in a bathroom listening to pop punk and talking about boys with piercings and life shit and like it was great. And then having anyone I love touch my hair makes me melt for real.

Don’t be embarrassed for having a “type”/it being “nice people”. I think that sounds really heal to y and good compared to me getting the bad boy of my dreams I always wanted as a kid and obviously carrying that drama that comes with having a “bad boy”. Good to try, get a little taste of, just not good to keep. Do it while your young and get it out of your system and all that in my opinion. Not saying I won’t go back to someone like that while I’m still young but when I’m older I hope I have people who are dependable.

Best of luck to you, it sounds amazing (minus not hearing from him/them).

[atlaskrr]

im scared im phasing into a depressive phase AGAIN. i dont wanna go back to when i couldnt even brush my teeth and sat on a window contemplating every day but it feels like i might. things are better but everything still feels so weird. yeah i have friends now but im just kind of there. i realize that my voice is just never loud enough. whenever i try and speak up or voice something not just to friends but in general nobody hears or listens to me i feel like i did when i was a kid again. and then someone else says what i said and theyre seen, people listen. worst part is its also my other friends so i just feel shitty of beung envious of them. i see people whove spent less time on their skills and just why are they so much better than me. i just realize how the person i click with best has their own friend group and then in my friend group my 2 friends click better together than i do with them so what am i then. and i have no mativation to do anything these days, nothing of worth anyways. so when im there and theyre talking its like im invisible and maybe i should just start talking and i try but sometimes nobody hears me and i dont feel like trying again in case they did but just didnt react or cause i didnt want to disturb their time with others or maybe i didnt speak up at all in the first place cause i feel so empty and tired which sounds so cringe amiright but how tf else do i describe it. i just want someone to ask me something or try and get me included why do i always have to take innitiative or question if somethings an open invite. thats just friends. at home my dad had an outburts, bruised my brother, and made my mom feel useless recently. then he starts acting all nice and ik hes just trying i mean his family are a bunch of trash but i just cant anymore. i feel like im the one breaking thw family apart now by being angry and spiteful and distant and i feel like im becoming my dad and the thought makes me want to throw up. but whenever i see myself acting nice to him because hes being nice it makes me want to throw up too because hes part of the reason my moms depressed. and i realize i dont even know who i am or what i want i lack the direction or long standing passions everyone else does. the only consistent thing i have is writing but i dont write a lot like other writers and nobody cares for it its not that impressive. ive managed to tone done my old tendency to tell small lies to seem like im so simillar to other people but its still there so in reality nobody really sees the true me (great im sounding cringe again but once again cannot find the words) i think thats why i love rp and writing sm because i can be someone with a set mould and identity. meanwhile im a walking contradiction with blurred lines. i think if i dissappeared people would be sad for a bit but theyd move on faster than youd think. it wouldnt be hard to go back to normal because i wasnt much part of it. maybe my parents would be the saddest but theyd be happier after no. worst part is i often put my emotional burden onto my friends and i feel like the shittiest person for venting so i think theyre nice out of pity. sometimes i exaggerate my problems so others feel more pity, so even if its not genuine ill feel like people care for me but at the same time i cant tell when im exaggerating or not. its more like leaving it vauge so i dont seem like the ungrateful bitch i am. cause my life isnt as bad as others so why am i crying and complaining. i come from a rich family with parents who are home more than other families. my parents are not pressureful and they are nice and i just lash out. i cant tell whats the truth of that situation anymore if im frank. i have a good amount of friends and a group, i have people to text and call. yet why do i still feel like this? i was just feeling happy yesterday. i really dont get it.

[ghost-of-the-machine]

i used to be able to just like. yap for eternity like, it was my favorite thing ever!!

just go somewhere and TALK talk alone, talk for no one, talk til i had nothing to say anymore but recently ive noticed it makes me feel.. worse? like. i was supposed to just JERK OFF AND GO TO BED like . at 9 pm last night 💀 and i stayed up til like 3 am, ive just been talkin and i watched a movie, that was nice.. i miss it? something inside of me is really really sad right now and i cant quite figure out why. its like a weird puzzle, trying to navigate my brain cuz like i KNOW something wrong, but what? whats bothering me? idont understand. maybe im scared of annoying people again, but.. was i scared of that before too? i dont remember if i was or not. what do i even miss? i dont know, i miss? i dont know what i miss. i miss something, probably

maybe thats whats bothering me, i feel like ive lost something, do i feel like ive lost the ability to be comfortable just.. talking ? maybe a little.. some people followed me after i posted my spamton art and anytime that sort of thing happens, i always feel . i feel so horribly guilty!!! youve followed me for that, not to hear me chatter endlessly about whatever comes to my mind. i know i shouldnt care, but im just scared of annoying people, cuz i really do love to talk!!! i love talking about things i like, but.. something is holding me back? it feels like it, i dont know why. i think its just mental barriers. i was so up front and proud of how much i love spamton g spamton, how much i love A LOT of characters. then i made friends and i felt ashamed and embarrassed. is that all it takes? once you have a set of eyes on you that matters, you fold? i feel like that about a lot of things, maybe thats one of the reasons ive been quieter than im used to being

i think im scared, i think it scares me to imagine ever saying anything and having them be like. "eugh." like?? death id prefer death. without them even asking for it ive just kinda cut bits and pieces off to save myself from POTENTIAL rejection, the. i just want to be someone that is adored, as selfish as it is, of course ill change to get that

i think it sorta.. i . its hard to explain, but loving people when you have bpd feels like you will never ever be loved equally, because i have endless devotion and admiration, theres hardly a single thing i dont love about the people i care about, to the point where its a fault. ive let people get away with terrible things, just cuz i loved them so much i didnt care what happened to me. and sometimes it hurts real bad when i remember that the way i love isnt normal, no one could ever love me like that. its why im on edge, the fear of saying something wrong, the fear of cracking this image. they like me, dont they? what if i say something wrong and for even a small second they like me just a little bit less? it makes me chest hurt just thinking about it, its terrifying. if they like me less for a second, maybe.. the rose tinted glasses will shatter, maybe theyll realize im not all that great, maybe itll be over, gone, DONE. finished, ended . dead. i dont want that, its logical to do everything i can to avoid that right?

terrible fate, thats how i see it. the end of all things. worst possible thing to ever happen to me. id rather relive all my trauma over again than lose anyone, id rather anything else. the way i feel is extreme, but. im known for that i guess 💀 its fear, im scared. scared, what if im annoying? i get afraid of annoying STRANGERS, of course im terrified to annoy my best friends. annoying, maybe when im talking to myself about shit they dont care about, its just filler words. garbage, static , words from my mouth and it means nothing to them. isnt that thought so scary? it is to me, i hang on to every word, every stupid joke, every laugh and .

what do i feel now? im working myself up over something that hasnt even happened. ive upset myself over the IDEA of a problem, the thought that maybe something might be wrong. whatever. i think i have this intense loathing for myself, thats the thing?

with bpd, you split. yr thinking isnt clear, its black and white. painful, so painful, but.. im not some mindless monster that just lashes out. thats terrifying, id have no one if i did that right? so i split on myself instead, all that anger and pain is directed at me from inside, it rips me apart. suddenly i can see every flaw, every annoying thing ive ever done every awkward sentence, every joke that didnt land. every opportunity, every single thing that could take it all away from me. as innocent as they are it seems like genuinely theres these big ugly lacerations on my body every time i feel like im possibly maybe not being as charming as id hope to be, ugly scars that ward people off, my blood gets everywhere and it grosses them out, they scoot away an inch for every cut. i know its not true.. i make friends with good people!! the best people, it just.. its what im scared of, which in my eyes means that its true because if im scared of it, there msut be a reason why im scared ofit? it must be actively happening! every rejection of my being is a step closer to abandonment, i g

ive been doing really good, i think. im not so scared of being abandoned because ive been reassured over and over again and i dont have the heart to think past all that work thats been done for me. ive hardly thought about it, anytime i get scared i just remember the things that have been said to me, how secure my place is here. its true, surely.. but this fear is natural for me. its 2nd nature, this fear puts actions in motion to prevent abandonment. fear keeps me safe, keeps me in that little box i think people want me in. the little box that says im okay! im a good person, every aspect of me they can see in the box is enjoyable, who cares if i feel like i need to cut some pieces off to fit there?

i know in my heart its not what they want. im moving too fast, im bracing again. i just get scared, maybe im just needy. what, i need eyes on me? need to feel seen and appreciated with everything i do? if nothing else, at least THAT is 100% selfish, ive been doing better recently... but sometimes its hard not to fall back on those instincts