#and im not saying you personally HAVE to like iy

[reachfolk]

the way people talk about children's media is so bizarre to me bc they judge adults who watch it by saying "it's for kids" and like buddy...... who do u think makes children's media? hint: it's not children

[faaun]

eye pain is the WORST kind . worse than teeth even maybe

[ventingbit]

.

[royai]

hey y'all ! i though it might be fun to put together a list of my favorite fics - but this time ones that i have written. you'll find them broken down into fandom with a short a/n for each below. enjoy!

extra note: i've been so focused on my personal works recently that i feel like i've really missed the love and engagement you get when writing fic, and that' what prompted me to go through my old stuff. creators gotta reminisce sometimes! i do plan to post chapter 1 of shivers down spines before im finished with the entire story, so keep your eyes out for that (:

FMA

witness marks - quite an underrated fic of mine imo. more of a riza character study than anything else. i'm still very proud of this one

after dark - another riza character study (: surprise surprise. i love the language i used in this one. it sounds very literary to me

buried alive - i love buried alive because it taught me so much about stories and how to tell them! it is too long, overwritten, and inundated with melodrama and i wuv her for that

you should see me in a crown - oliviza vignettes that are relatively well written. need i say more?

pyrokinesis - i will always hold so much love for this fic because it was my first time experimenting with second person pov and unconvential pov and is why i love both to this day (roy character study)

your father pulled the teeth out of your face - another riza character study that focuses on how she and roy met (and hohenheim's influence on that meeting) as well as berthold's neglect. i wrote this one in a night

INUYASHA

not your garden variety demon lord - very nsfw. i adore this one mostly because i wrote it during a resurgence of IY love and following my descent into madness (shipping sesssan). this is unfinished but i do plan to finish it one day

NORAGAMI

ghosting - yukine character study. super heavy! explores his trauma. titled after a mother, mother song

[kurjakani]

Alright quick question..we have similar taste in fictional men and I’ve never watched Bleach before should I start it so I can obsess over Mayuri as well?

HMMMMMMMAH rly hard to tell. Ok sorry bleach fans i love u but im gonna shit talk this show a bit. Pls dont read if u cant handle me rambling abt my personal experience w a show meant for 15 year old boys. I actually love it deeply !!!!!!! I enjoy ir a lot!!!!! However. I really struggle w watching the show sometimes. Its over 300 eps + the movies which i havent even gotten started with. It's difficult bc theres a lot of cool moments too but good lird esp at tge start the fights consist of characters deciding that they have more soul power bc of some memory they had and beatinh eachother. Everyone is confident there is character variety but everyone is like supposed 2 be a huge badass and idk thats just not my type of media (which is why orihime is actually one of my favourite characters bc she stands in such contrast w her confidence issues and damseliness. Also Ishida i love Ishida i love his arc in the umm when they had the bounts and his self reflection about his inabilitu to help the others + hes always rly analytical in fights. Mayuri too bcs all of his power comes from thinking & experimenrting & PREPARADNESS. I dont remember him ever mentioning soul power bc hes like only talking about technique. Zaraki is also incrhesting bc he is overpowered, but to a point of ridiculousness and where he has an one punch man styled conflict w being unable 2 find someone he has fun fightinh w) i like casts full of losers and freaks. Talking of freaks Tite Kubo is one and will NOT stop making fucked up jokes, esp about girls. His humour is shit theres been like. One scene where i laughed out loud and it was bc ichigos dad pelted him w no mercy bc hes used 2 him being able to fight but ichigo was just tired and he flew thru the room thats fr the only time ive laughed. Theres a lot of rly dark topics also treated very lightly, including when it comes to Mayuri??? Esp his treatment of Nemu. As far as ive seen!!! The storyline has an interesting end in the manga tho and like it seems more thoughtful but ive yet to see that. But the treatment of Nemu as a prop to show how awful Mayuri is and to also be fanservice rly. It frusturates me. Theres so much like, interesting stuff you could do w her character. Again tho im at ep like 180 so maybe there will be!!!! For the good tho Tite Kubo has just. Theeee most incredible eye for character design in my eyes hes so fuckinh good its ridiculous. Even a lot of the side characters are mega memorable and its no wonder a lot of thr characters are absolutely iconic. Also the show definetly gets better the beginninh is just so. Slow. As u can prolly pick up from my earlier notes there are a couple characters that i fuxking loooove aside from Mayuri. As for mayuri he is fuckinh viile and they make some gross jokes abt him too but he is so. Ill b real hes just sexy and also transformation coded so. Literally childhood fave chinhands emoji idc. There also are some great interactions between characters!!! Thr main characters rly care abt eachothef and are so devoted 2 taking care of eachother and i think thats lovely. They can be cranky and mean but theyre always worried for eachother and rwady to help and i think thats just so sweet i like that dynamic. Sorry i di have more to say abt the show as u can see i have some big big emotions abt it and i care abt iy sm but it also often frusturates me deeply a lot of tje time. Its a show you endure. Thank god it jas a dub bc i am watcjing it while knitting / drawing etc.

[bananacat76]

i’m not picking up the shit YOU TOOK?

DONT THROW YOUR CONTAINERS ON THE GROUND AND EXPECT ME TO FUCKING PICK IT IP JUST BECAUSE I ASKED FOR IT EARLIER. I WAS BOT “TRYING TO TAKR IT” I WAS ASKING IF I COULD HAVE SOME? AND THE YOU THROW IT AT ME AFTER YOURE DONE AND EXOEVT ME TO PICK IT UP? YOU TELLED AT ME! YOU TOOK IT!! YOU ALWYAS SAY THE PERSON WHO POCKS IT UP PUTS IT AWAY AND YOU DONT APPLY TO THAT RULE. OOOH YEAH IM THE ONE THAT WANTS IT PICKED UP SO I PICK IT UP! YOU ALWAYS SAY. YOU AAAALWAYS SAY SINCE I PICKED IY UP I PUT IT AWAY! SINCE I WANT IT PUT AWAY I PUT IT AWAY! ITS YOUR SHIT? ITS YOOUR STUFF? NOT MINE? SHUT YOUR FUCKING MOUTH.I CANT FUCKING STAND YOU SOMETIMES!!! YOU ALWAYS USE THIS SHITTY LOGIC AAGAISNT ME

AND THEM YOURE GONNA ACT LIKE NOTHING HAPPENED LIKE YOU DIDNT JUST THROW SHIT AT ME LIKE YOU DIDNT JUST YELL AT ME FOR ASKING IF I COULD HAVE SOME FUCKING CEREAL AND THEN CHANGING MY MIND AND GLATING AT ME WHEN I DONT ACT LIKE YOUR FUCKING SERVANT AND PICK IT UP FOR YOU

you say you love me but it’s hard to believe it from how you treat me… :(

[solardick]

Добро пожаловать

All the effort made to produce disfunctional relationships to experience. The point is to keep me down as much as possible while leaving me functional enough to be herded.

A change in alphabets. Will aid in producing symbols minimally affected by conditioning. The notion that the russians are nuclear’ly irresponsible in keeping production going under harshee environmental circumstances. The cold. As winters are heavy and stark. Stark is a word in association of it’s deffiniton.the latest film being I.S.S. Partnership and goodwill are countered by the destructive. It’s message is of a hurt of feelings. Trust and nurturing. Of feeling betrayed.

Flipping it around as I am not?

The fact that my date is a targeted personality to base media fantasy around. Media has been speaking to me directly. Timing of events and motivations. Centralized around specified dates for conditioning. As another outer person speaking directly to you. Similar to “natural” phenomenon. Of the birds and the bees and the trees in the wind. Like a hand petting a cat. If ine were to listen, to a purring tree. Thr branches and thr leaves, the rustling.

If you cant beat’em. Join’em.

Got to try and figure out a way of fallowing through on the motivation, while being put down, and bullied, to feel untainted by their Hs. Not to suffer negative consequences for growing instead of degenerating.

Beyond how much growth and cooperation i create in the world. All those people. All that support to evil deeds and evil intentions. Those pretendign sympathy to the others who ultimatly do. Your fucken welcome. Not tbat i get paid for it.

Maybe pluto comign along will bring torment to all those whim deserve it by right of way. If nature and i are conformed to a single entity. Then i do pray good fortune agaisnt my own will. That classically fake smile trying meekly to be honest.

Or on the evil side that CSkrs smile. Knowing and satisfied with the effort placed to bring you bad fortune.

Though its more complete to say. That everything is out on the table. There’s nothing to hide. The image catches multiple positions.

Though one wouldn’t trust a swindler. Or the peddler as has been taught, disseminated my way. Fishing out of a little pond and full of what has been released into it. Cheers fucker.

B is for family. And for knowing you have everything you need. In complete honesty. It also shows trust or faith in the opposing party. A welcoming relationship. The feeling of confidence in social matters. But also here serves as the image looking forwards. From the mirror. Separation of self into a projection. Based on influences not of the self.

The power of vowels. To say; drop her line and drop her a line. Are two completely different suggestions.

And my search for finding a dentist continues as they are all corrupt.

Im the black chick from startrek. Spock turned into a woman briefly. But got his mojo back. Need to embrace the inner spock and go full logical.

Something is wrong here. 99¢ a can. Maybe iy up to 2$ soemthing. 463 positive reviews uh?

Anyway. Went out to the dep and a guy was buying a can. And to continuenin this string theory. In association with cats and trees.

It be fun to muse with the definition of R to that of Я. As the letter Я is synomenous with the english letter i. As it serves a single letter word. Which is the self I and Я. In comparison to english Я’s pronunciation is identical to an affirmation. As its pronounced as ya or ja. Which means yes.

Comparatively speaking, between German and english is the word hell. For english is equivalent to despair or anguish or something similar. But in german hell means bright. As in a bright light. There a problem here. Considering. Bright and light are the associations of heaven. The german typeset is identical to the english qwerty system except they replace the strength card with that of the world card. This is suggestive of “man over nature” to stand in for the definition of the strength card. If its not being perverted with the flip of gender association.

The bible says to be closer to god is to know all languages. And yet am discouraged from doing so.

Anyway. Looks like im back to seatching tor another job to be ficked with st again. I ficken hate it here. And i cant walk into the buildibg without having lung pain and choking.

Hu pot store. Heres my id. Ok…. What?! I dhoild you. Its my fault you cant see. (Its was less than a foot from his eyes).Ok get out. Im not serving you. Why? Cause you told me to go fuck myself what? No i didn’t. I said you cant see. Do he bars off the entrance. Smiling. Fucken cocksucker.

(Its the same smile my brother used to give me. One time right before he came at me with an axe. A silly smile. Cause he tripped and hot embarrassed.) then almost hospitalize me if i didnt have such quick reflexes.) .. thats a fucked mix of influences… to have a start of another run through another level of hell.

What i cant be suicidal and not be own by sn ignorant gocksuvker looking to over himself on me cause he’s bored? Fuck off. Cheers to another tear of being ficken raped.

Ohwell giess im not studying cards tonight. Go watch the new age homosexyal tv instead.

And there go the crows. Nothing good gomming my way. On well buy my drugs illegally then. And walmart sending me my T-4 from two years ago? Great really? Is therw a connection there. That eoplw want to rub in that i dont get? Sorry i already got raped today. Your too late. Try again later.

Look at me becoming an asshole.

I think he won that one.

You do?

If you think about jt.

Temperance and the affirmation of self.

In the image of war. The moon reflecting the wheel. (Cog). The vowels may be taken out. And an R for temperance. Named with a powerful T. Of violence. And the Я. I see it. I like that letter.

Now we can deviate a bit from the script. Give the current i-fool card for joy to Я. If it occupies its own place. Add in another, actual, fool card. Modernize it slightly. Like i already have done 100% charged. The fool keeps the security in self. Top shape. One thinks the concert.

They intentionally suppressing his life?

Looks that way.

Я think so. Hah! see what i did there?

Temperance and fortification.

Theee goes the crow.

[voxxphantasma]

ARE PEOPLE REALLY STILL SAYING GALAHAD WOULD CALL THEM SLURS? IN THE MAIN TAGS? die 💖

[sisyphus-prime]

Y'all senior vacations are such a stupid idea, just take me a couple hours to the caverns foe a one day trip and I'm happy fjdjd

[the-acid-pear]

Therapy episode when❓

I miss Ash so it's time for season 2 babey!!

[kdjb18]

Its been a long time sense ive written anything on here cause you know no one uses this app/website like they used to say but true I was just going through my instagram finally and archiving and deleted stuff i should have years ago and i remembered i had a cool blog on here so i started reading some entries and i realized how much ive grown and ventured away from my old way of thinking im on a complete new path of understanding what a healthy relationship is and how to avoid bad habits and patterns. One of my terrible patterns was obsessing over people im getting to know. I'd have thing big idea of who i thought they were going to be and how we'd end up and it was so unhealthy because 100/100 the would be nothing like the person i imagined them to be. Once i finally realized why i was doing that i finally started recognizing signs so i could avoid making the same mistake and repeating my bad habit. I havent dated in a while because i dont settle. I'm also using all of my interactions as learning experiences right now. So im not really looking to date im kinda letting things play out and teaching myself how to handle it correctly. I'm spent alot of time getting to know myself and trying to grow as a person that honestly im not sure if i could even maintain a relationship because i have so much more work i want to do on myself before bringing someone new in my life. I could go on and on but basically iy was just nice to know ive truly grown as a person. I have alot more work to do but im proud of where i am.

8/15/21

[normal-thoughts-official]

Magnus loved putting his hair in feminine hairstyles but Camille humiliated him over it so he cut his hair short and styled iy in masculine hairstyles only. It was decades later that Alec accidentally discovered this and encouraged Magnus to style his hair however he wants to

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

finally, my first ask with a magnus/malec headcanon! Im so happy i could die

(warning: this will contain discussions of psychological/emotional abuse and queerphobia, particularly biphobia)

but no really like ok i have a lot of thoughts about this actually. because like in the show theres this one picture of Magnus ragnor and Catarina together in what looks like the 1840s (im mainly going by the type of photograph here, but also clothing, and jesus christ im already putting so much research into this somebody stop me), so that's when im assuming they were together

i only have the pic with this writing over it srry

also magnus is almost definitely wearing a corset in here which is driving me insane

anyway, at that time, it was not unusual for men to have long hair even if mens hair was still commonly shorter than women's hair. it was also during that decade that men's fashion in England started to reject frills and colors and become more boring like we know it today (source is the one about fashion above). so when magnus and camille were together, the idea of a man being "too girly" fashion-wise was pretty much being born in western culture. so that brings.... many layers

i tend to think magnus wouldnt really internalise a lot of the "oh you dress like a girl" stuff because 1- i mean hes so comfortable with it, but more importantly 2- he was alive way before these concepts were even born, and he was raised in at least two non-modern-western cultures (indonesian and whatever the fuck kind of culture demons have) where the concept of gender is/was radically different. so he's bound to have a little easier time not believing shit like "oh wearing x is for girls" because hes known different for a long time.

BUT living in an abusive environment and simultaneously a turning point in how gender performance was viewed is bound to fuck you up, too. so i can see camille using that against him, like "cant you see that times are changing? you're gonna lose all respect if you keep dressing like this". we also know that camilles abusive arguments stem a lot from magnus' immortality and the issues he has with it, so this possibly came into play as well - you can't keep up with the times, you're staying behind, soon you'll be an outsider and people will look down on you because of that. so....... yeah, i think camille could have done a big number on him by using that, and his gender presentation as a whole, to make him feel inadequate. i kind of even think that the makeup and the clothing has a little taste of "fuck you camille" yknow, like, hes gonna be who he is and embrace the fact that he doesnt really fit into the western binary. but you can also see ways in which he holds back - for instance, he only wore colorful makeup when he was depressed because of Valentine and in the finale, when he seemed to look actually comfortable in his own skin, happy, and his makeup and accessories were a little bolder and outside the box. so basically - camille using magnus' gender against him and as a way to manipulate him is entirely plausible, and i believe that part of magnus' development in the post-show years are gonna have to do with that, with wearing what he wears less like an armor and more like a form of expression that he has fun with and that feels entirely his. and i think this can present in a lot of ways, like longer hair, less traditional makeup, different clothes. and obviously alec thinks magnus is always the most beautiful person alive and supports his experiments with gender and expression and no one would even dare get nasty about it because if u even think about snickering in magnus' general direction alec will have a blade on ur throat in .2 seconds. also this is giving me some nice images of magnus with braided hair, so what im trying to say is basically bless this ask really.

also this is a little unrelated but i mean, Ive seen so many bi men in abusive relationships with straight girls its impossible to me to not think his sexuality had a huge part on her abuse, possibly even more so than gender, considering how the whole gendered clothing thing was kind of still being established during that time, whereas "sodomy" was a crime punishable by death in england until the 1960s. and this got me thinking - for Camille to be so adamant on the fact that people leave Magnus and die and that he needed her because he could be assured that she wouldn't die on him, that must have been a nerve at the time. he probably had lost someone close recently and was having trouble dealing with it. that's further supported by the whole "magnus nearly jumped off a bridge and Camille talked him out of it" thing. so what im saying is, what if Magnus had lost a friend, or even a lover, to the capital penalty? like that's... very plausible. at that time there were no accords, so he could go around meeting mundanes and getting involved as he pleased, and Magnus probably wasnt all that shy about his sexuality (again, he was raised in environments where that wasnt looked down on), so its entirely plausible he lost someone important to him who was a part of the community, maybe even felt like it was his fault - maybe they got caught together or something and magnus had to fake his death cuz immortal, or maybe he just feels like he should have done something but it was too late, we know magnus is the kind of guy who wants to Protect Everyone - so he was probably hurting a lot, feeling helpless, having just lost someone for being pretty much the same as him, and he meets this woman who keeps talking about how inadequate he is and how people always leave him and how shes the only one he can count on not needing to protect or worry about because shes also immortal and powerful, and shes kind of a ticket to at least pretending to fit into what that culture thought was right, and he was depressed and isolated and- look, its just entirely plausible that his sexuality played a huge part in both making him vulnerable to camilles abuse and giving her ways to hurt him and twist the knife. i kind of plan on exploring that if i ever get around to writing that fic about magnus and his sexuality throughout his life so uh stay tuned i guess

anyway im sorry if that was rambly or incoherent or too long im really tired and im kind of travelling rn so not a lot of tumblr time but i really wanted to answer this. thank you so much for sending me this, it made my day!

[cloudystevie]

Hey honey I know you have a lot going on. Do you wanna talk about it with daddy? I know you might not want too and that’s okay too. Daddy’s just a little worried about you baby - ransom

im just really :/ idk like i miss how it used to be on here with just my friends and we would send each other asks and just interact like that. and when iy was only you and not a lot of other nonnie accounts and a lot happened today that i dont wanna say because a lot of people cojld see this but i feel like such a shitty person and a horrible friend because of what i did and i havent gotten any hate messages but my friends are getting horrible and disgusting ones and it makes me feel so fucking bad. i jjst want all of this to stop and go back to normal i hate fighting wnd conflict and being high pressure and i hate when people are mad or upset it just reminds me of stuff that happened to me when i was younger and sorry i ranted a lot but yeah😖☝️

and ik this is gonna sound annoying but honestly youre the only reason i havny deleyed the app or deactivated because i love talking to you a lot

[survivor-iceland]

Ep. 9 - “I have some new life in me, and I'm not going to squander it” - Raffy

Maynor

This challenge is agony. I dont know how well im doing or how others are. I know Timmy Keith n Stephen are like way down. Im just hoping Raffy Ellie or Keith dont win it.

Maynor

Im so glad that the game is still going wellish for me. Like i havent gotten a vote yet besides my name being thrown out there. Like some people have like a bad read in the game. Raffy told me yesterday that it was 4-4 and that he was the swing vote 🤷‍♂️ Like maybe paying attention you could see that your allies jumped ship from your side. Dylan and Keith both lied and lead raffy on. He was very confident that he got Joseph gone. People really did underestimated me in this game. I am a very dangerous player.

Raffy

I need to win this immunity challenge because if I do not then my ass is going to go next. I'm going to try to lift myself out of this, but it doesn't seem likely. It feels like I am the tribe pariah. Joseph talked to me earlier as if he wanted to talk to me. He was trying to uplift my spirits, but it means nothing since he is just going to vote for me anyways. He's trying to spout all this bullshit about how things don't have to be this way and how we could work together again, but it's all just bullshit. I'm not going to be tricked into complacency. 

Timmy

Raffy kept complaining that Joseph is cocky, yet throughout this challenge Raffy has been so cocky and he’s being so obnoxious like my god it’s so stupid. And then he’s putting stickers on Joseph which is just causing raffy himself to lose points which is hilarious. I think when Maynor gets home from work we’re gonna do a joint video confessional finally.

Maynor

This challenge is a long one but feel like i have iy won if i just keep going. I have a bit of a lead. So lets hope for an immunity win.

Raffy

Dylan has thrown the challenge to Maynor at this pint by giving him an endless amount of points. And so there’s no way I can win so I’ve given up on the challenge. I just feel so alone right now in this game. Even with Ellie’s support, I feel like everyone is just ignoring me and going to vote me out no matter what. I don’t know what I’m supposed to do. I’m stuck with these people who don’t care about me. Maybe that’s my fault, but there’s nothing changing that fact. So, I’m just going to wait for results and see what I can do to scrape by. I’m just going to have my pity party all by myself. I hate being in this position because it makes you realize just how alone and insignificant your actions really are. No matter what I do it’s all just hopeless. No one likes me here and why should they. It’s over anyways. I don’t even want to come back if I got the chance because it’ll just be filled with people who will just vote me out again. The game is over for me, so I’m just ready to accept my jury position and vote. Cause it’s the only power over this game that I have left. 

Timmy and Maynor

https://youtu.be/vt6S2ifkZVw

Ellie

I need to be on the right side of the numbers rn, even if I have to vote out Raffy. I love the dude so much but I’m on the bottom and if it’s not him then it’s me

Raffy

With tribal being tonight, I’m trying to convince people to keep me by promising my word and saying that I’ll always be the bigger threat. At least for next round. This means the target is not on them, but on me. I don’t know how well that will pay off, but I have to try. I reached out to Maynor, Timmy, Stephen, Keith, and Dylan. Keith thinks it’s going to be him which is wild TimmyAin’t no time to be subtle right now. Raffy gotta go since tribal is happening tonight! Yet also here I am watching vines to calm me down. But it’s his time to leave.

Keith

Got blindsided in the last Vote. Officially have zero percent chance of winning. So Basically Waiting to get to Jury. Also. JOHNN I AM SORRY 

Dylan C

Raffy is trying to convince me not to vote for him, which I'd consider if other people would get on board w/it. But also he threw out Ellie's name and I wouldn't vote her, that's for sure, bc I don't want to see her go yet and I also told her last night that I wasn't about to target her. His offer to keep him in the game is as a shield which I thought about earlier tbh. If I helped save him, could I pseudo fix our game relationship or is that a lost cause is the question tho. Less lost if I don't vote him out this round. Keith is also convinced he's going which is? Hello?? No one said his name as a potential vote to me yet so?? Joseph CollinsThis is the one. This is the tribal I go home. Because I’m comfortable for the first time. And that’s so dangerous. 

Maynor

I won immunity. 😁😁😁 i really wanted it bad and it showed because I tried to do every 10 minute. Having immunity feels good. The decision for the vote wasnt that hard. Everyone seemed to settle on Raffy. He’s a great person but game wise he wont trust me even though he says he would. Like trust there was broken when I wrote Zoe’s name and I wasnt getting it back anytime soon. Hopefully the vote works and he does go home. Have to play round to round because the game always shifts and changes.

Timmy

Hope everything with Keith is okay. Raffy goes next time.

Dylan C

Keith drops and Jack returns from EoE. The former is unexpected and the latter was somewhat expected tbh.

Raffy

Keith is the Messiah. He died for our sins. He literally saved my life in this game by quitting. For that, I am forever greatful. I have some new life in me, and I'm not going to squander it. For Zoe and for John, I will win. Jack being back may be a good thing because he is a fresh face which means he is a potential ally. We're still at 8 which means I need 4 votes. I know it's me and Ellie. So I jsut need two more to tie and one more to have majority. I can do this.

[survivor-kuwait]

Episode 10 - “I wanna merge” - Thomas

alright just a recap of the round since i was at work all day! i was suuuuper excited that despite being in the warzone i was there with owen and matt my main boiz. also now people don't need to go bitching that i haven't been there yet anymore xoxo bite me cullan u bitch. apparently right when we got to the warzone tommy threw out adrian's name to trace bc he's still pressed about him calling him inactive during the round that nehe left which i mean eyeroll but ok. so as soon as i heard this i told matt, which probably was a mistake on my part but oh well. at that point i still was wanting to go through with what matt had wanted which was an alliance with us, adrian, and maynor. matt tells me last night though that adrian apparently initially brought up wanting to vote myself or owen due to challenge prowess, and i'm assuming the fact that we're winners as well. again, eyeroll. i brush it off and am like well let's sleep on it and see where we're at in the morning. so i tell owen all of this as well and make him promise me not to leak bc this could've potentially been a big round for us depending on what we wanted to do. he agreed with me that adrian even suggesting our names in passing wasn't a cute look and i didn't really wanna stand for that. we talked about it in pms and then again in the paradise hotel chat and it was odd bc then traces' information and actions were always seemingly right behind us. i'm fairly certain matt was leaking all of it to him but ok. i mean i hope he wasn't, but we'll see. trace and adrian got close real fast if they weren't already so that was kind of another point that i was trying to drive home with matt. good ol' matt kept mentioning yk that me and owen are his main people and that he doesn't care if adrian goes and at that point it just felt like ok well put your money where your mouth is. so we push for that and come to the conclusion that we really just need us, tommy and chloe obvs bc she's not gonna vote herself. the group decides to leave trace out of it after i bring up how trace apparently has all of the tea so maybe it wasn't getting leaked to him afterall??? idk shrug. i did let stephen know what was going on a little before tribal, i probably should've confirmed with him earlier but i wasn't sure how much he was willing to trust me with kind of right away like that. everything goes right as planned and adrian leaves 6-2??? happy to be back and out of the warzone, but i miss matt and owen already, but corey is back with me now!!! oh that reminds me apparently matt is wary of both ian and corey so i gotta keep an eye on that moving forwards and plan accordingly. ummmm also trace messaged me and was like hey so what happened?? i decided to tell him that i legit must've misunderstood messages from someone and that he was back to voting adrian. idk i just played dumb so i hope he bought it. he was like yeah as long as it was miscommunication and not me getting fucked over it's cool sdjgksdlg like what am i supposed to say to that.... yes i was trying to fuck u over u right.... got me!! 

Genuinely surprised Chloe survived after being a target for so long, makes me suspicious there might be another alliance out there, because most people told me Adrian, they might not trust me yet, hopefully voting with them helped me there.

If I’m being truly honest. This challenge is so weird that i dont think imma be able to like do iy. Might be a warzone trip for me this round and it sucks because I dont want to go. Like Adrian was someone i could have worked with but he left 6-2 and I hope it wasnt Matt who voted Cloe.

---

I got the first one in 6 clicks. I hope im able to get the rest pretty quickly but i dont know if i move from kuwait or i start from survivor again.

Part 1. I have emotional motion sickness. Somebody pls roll the windows down. I'm scared to lose Matt or Owen at this tribal. I don't see it happening but it still worries me. Ideally, Thomas leaves. Kait or Stephen leaving aren't the worst case scenarios either. Realistically, I predict Trace or Stephen. Trace.... pls survive. I'll send this confessional in two parts. Will be writing the second part later tonight. Part 2. Well. Adrian left. this is bad for my game. Is it worst case scenario? no. But Trace didn't vote him out; Matt did. Matt betrayed Adrian and Kait basically told me so. I cannot trust Matt as much as I thought I could; but maybe his allegiance is to Owen primarily as Matt sold Adrian out bc Adrian wanted to target Kait/Owen. It's hectic but Adrian was a number for my game, personally. I'll do my espionnage and try to keep tabs on what everyone is thinking. Oh, and attempt to win immunity again!

Well, last night's war zone did NOT go as I expected. I really thought that everyone was on board to vote Chloe, but I was clearly mistaken. The tribal left me a little confused, and genuinely nervous about what my fate would be if I were to return to the war zone in the near future. There are a few things that I did learn from this war zone, however. I really think that matt is kind of calling the shots over there. He seemed to be the sneakiest one, and was the one lie that kind of hurt the most. Kait claims that she thought I knew the vote was Adrian, and that is was a mistake on her part. I don't fucking buy it. Kait is clearly close with Thomas (she literally calls him Tommy), but decided that they couldn't trust me enough to tell me in the end the vote wasn't chloe. I did not appreciate that. I hate being in war zones where people who are inactive get to stay because somehow, someone figured out how to goat them to the end. I am going to do my best to stay out of the war zone this round, but this challenge is confusing so I have no idea if I even have a chance.

Im really nervous for this immunity. I hope i had a quick clicks. If not I hope im with people i can work with and not be voted out. Im anticipating a merge soon but how it works idk.

http://prntscr.com/nu7q5f what kind of false scorpio antics.......... 

Me? Safe again? Hskshdjd who woulda THOUGHT!!! I’m glad madison is finally safe I feel like the more she goes the more time she has to make connections lmao. I know she rlly wanted to be safe this time for some reason but part of me thought she had been throwing tbh so she could actually play the game which isn’t a bad strategy. I feel really bad for matt going again :( but I think he will be okay. Here’s hoping they send Stephen out please and ty!!!! In other news I still think I’ve never talked to Ian or corey which is funny af because corey could be my number one in this game. I feel like he will be loyal to me once we make it together.... I rlly just hope him and Kait don’t clash, but I’m scared af because Matt was sus about corey getting renee out and I haven’t gotten to tell corey that yet. Hopefully when the time comes I can get corey and Kait to work together and the three of us can go to the end somehow. I’m not gonna turn on Kait. I can’t turn on corey. It’s gonna be messed up if they ever start to target each other bc Kait doesn’t know I’m close with him but he knows I’m close with her nnnn

Kait thinks I'm targeting pairs, huh? Well, yes but actually no. I'm targeting pairs in the since that members of those pairs are people I don't think would work with me, I'm not targeting them for being pairs. I've got a pair in Leo I want to work with, also MY SIGN PARTNER IS STILL IN THE GAME, albeit barely. It has become abuntly clear to me that Matt does not have over lapping interests with me in this game. The man is out there spreading propaganda against me to Kait and Owen, who has never met me might I add so he sees me exactly as I see him. A threat. Kait, I thought you were warming up to me, but please keep thinking Corey is who you should confide in, he's totally not closer to me or anything.

This Warzone is really stressing me out. I don’t think I have the same allies I’m usually confident with. There’s Devon and Trace and Maynor and Chloe but I only can trust them so much because none of them are working together. I’m hoping to get out timmy or Stephen who I don’t know and don’t trust but I also know that my name certainly could be coming up soon enough because with each tribal I survive I become a bigger and bigger threat. I’m ready for some idol shenanigans if need be but I’d love to save that shit for down the road.

The names being thrown out right now are Cloe, Timmy, and Stephen. I much rather have Timmy stay because we are actually working together in this game rather than against. Stephen even tho we dont talk much there is still that connection through his game he hosted and one we played together. Getting majority on Cloe will be great because she wont get dragged to the f3 and take a spot that could be mine.

This warzone feels different. It’s an odd group and a lot of people who haven’t been together. So it’s somewhat quiet but also contentious since anything could happen at this point. Not sure how tonight will play our, should be fun....

So the vote seems to be Chloe, yet she always gets votes and it’s never her so naturally I’m weary. I think this will be the time though, especially with who is at this tribal. Trace was saying Devon had said Stephen, which I don’t want him going because he would be a good number for me. Trace also said that Matt said my name but I think he’s now on the Chloe train...I’m hoping. Either way I doubt he would have majority. I’m hoping I stay because it’s about to be merge and I think I’ve been doing well so far. I’m proud of how social I have been with people, it’s not the best, but it’s a lot better than I usually am.

It looks like the vote is locked on Cloe but still very awkwardly quiet. I hope nothing crazy goes down. *knocks on wood*

Don’t mind me just dying and having no idea what’s going on at all hahaha probs gonna be voted out next xoxox 

This better be the last Warzone, I wanna merge.

So, with little debate, I think we settled on voting Chloe. Originally, Devon and Matt wanted to vote Stephen, but I had to convince them onto Chloe because I want to make sure we have more people on our tribe than theirs so that I have a chance of winning immunity. Matt told me he heard Timmy's name which is weird. I think he was just trying to scare me. I told Timmy about it, and Timmy was upset, but I really don't think it went anywhere. Chloe came to me and told me that she would vote anyone as long as it wasn't her. I really don't trust Matt even though he keeps telling me that I can trust him, so idk. Maybe I'll flip the script at the last minute and try to get everyone Matt at the last minute, but we shall have to see if that's smart for me... idk