#and im just in between
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too normal to be neurodivergent too weird to be neurotypical
too normal to be mentally ill too fucking insane to be normal
i just need an explanation i need a label i need SOMETHING ANYTHING PLEASE why do i act like this why why am i like this
#the meowing of a cat 🐱💕#they need to make a label for me only seriously i stg im the only person in the entire world struggling with this#everyone is either nt or nd everyone is either mentally ill or not#and im just in between#can my therapist or psychiatrist give me an actual diagnosis or smthn please please please please#or can they actually tell me that i DONT have anything wrong with me#please please please i wanna throw up and die why does everyone get to know what they have but not me it's no fair#THERE IS SOMETHING WRONG WITH ME BUT IT'S NOT ENOUGH TO GET DIAGNOSED!!! RAAAAAAHHHHHHH#this is why i call myself neurotypical and not mentally ill lol#honestly i dont even know why i act like this i have supportive friends and supportive and openminded family who loves and protects me#have never been through anything traumatic ever#yet i act like this!!!!! there is something wrong with me and yet it's not enough!!!!! fuck!!!!!#same thing with being nd. like people say i look so autistic and adhd but im sure that shows when youre little and that never showed for me#like im fine with alot of textures (physical and food) and i dont get overstimulated in loud spaces and i dont have meltdowns#i dont rlly exhibit much nd traits and yet there is something so wrong with me at the same time!!!#other nts dont view me as nt and other nds say im nd but i dont believe them#and if i self diagnose im just gonna viewed as another quirky pick me girl wanting attention#PLEASE. PLEASE I NEED SOMEONE TO GIVE ME A LABEL AM I AUTISTIC OR NOT AM I ADHD OR NOT#DO I ACTUALLY HAVE ANXIETY??? DO I HAVE A RARE TYPE OF MENTAL ILLNESS??? HELP ME PLEEEAAAASSSEEE#AAAAAGGGHG I WANNA TEAR MY BRAIN FROM MY SKULL
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Katniss is such an unreliable narrator. She says "Then something unexpected happens. At least, I don't expect it because I don't think of District 12 as a place that cares about me" girl you deliver strawberries to the Mayor, you hunt and trade for the district, when you fell at Prim being chosen someone caught you, when you went to Prim people parted for you, when you volunteered EVERYONE stopped. Idk how to tell you but I think you're a pillar of the community.
#katniss everdeen#the hunger games trilogy#the hunger games#primrose everdeen#hunger games#batcavescolony reads the hunger games#suzanne collins#'now it seems i have become someone precious' NOW? GIRL BFFR you're their hunter girl#and this isn't negative just bffr girl#your WHOLE DISTRICT did the three finger salute that you yourself says means admiration thanks and goodbye to someone you love and on top is#old a rarely used. your WHOLE DISTRICT decided in that moment that they needed to bring back this sign of respect for YOU#...................................................................#idk why some people are thinking i mean this as negative i don't she is unreliable but its not intentional. like when Peeta heart stoped in#CF she doesn't know what Finnick is doing at first cus she doesn't know off the top of her head what cpr is. she also thinks Peeta after the#reaping is acting for the cameras. he isnt we dind out later his mom basically told him Katniss was gonna win and he would die. obviously#shes not doing it on purpose shes just for lack of better words uneducated? as in she doesn't know everything shes not omnipotent#so when Plutarch (? second games guy) shows her his mokingjay hiden watch shes like *wtf that's weird?* then the people traveling to#district 13 show her the mockingjay cookie and explains it and she then goes on the difference between his watch and their cookie#and why does eveyone act as if district 12 is as bad as the capital? they CANT help Katniss and Prim in the way you want. they cant give#them food. none of them have any! and im not putting iton Katniss but they hid they needed food so they could stay together. it sounds like#some of you are in this our world mentally of what people do after a loved one dies (brings food constantly checks on them etc) district 12#cant do that. they dont have food and they're all suffering. you cant give someone food when you have none to give. then theirs the fact#that peeta DID help. Peeta buring the bread and tossing some to her then taking a beating from his mom is a HUGE thing in the books.#he used his resources to help her like you all said someone should.#district 12 DID (rip) care about Katniss before the hunger games. why do you think she was allowed to hunt? or how her trades were good#these are the little ways 12 can shows Katniss they love her. but again Katniss doesn't see this and YES its because she had ptsd before the#hunger games as well. i swear some of you make it seem like d12 was all living a life of luxury and glaring down at Katniss.#other things that show Katniss is in hight standing with at least her people of d12 is her dad was known enough through d12 for peeta dad to#comment on his singing along with his commenting on her mom. also her mom is a healer in the community. yeah her parents arnt the top but#of d12 but they are/were definitely high staning in the Seam.
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quick megumi style study
#my art#jjk#jujutsu kaisen#fushiguro megumi#jjk fanart#megumi fushiguro#i LOVE trying to 1:1 art styles it's such a fun challenge#and it appeals to me bc i love deception and lying for sport and trying 2 mold all aspects of myself in2 something else#trying to draw like gege felt like trying 2 forge someone's signature and trying 2 draw like the anime felt like going against all instinct#theres NO midtones in the anime shading i was like. is this it. surely this cant b All the shadows i am allowed#cell shading without blended areas feels so wrong 2 me#and the shape of his hair.....he looks so silly......why does he look like that.....#i was fighting the urge to 'fix' it w every bone in my body#rly opened my eyes to just how many favours i do him in my art style#i will happily bear the burden of being megumi's hairbrush good god he needs it#it's not so egregious in gege's style bc it's all so blocky and angular everywhere + the b/w balances out w negative space#w trying 2 replicate gege's style i think my main challenge was finding a good brush dupe to mimic his crosshatching#my current render style is all over the place tbh im not even sure i'm super happy with my own which is kinda embarrassing#i think im in an in between phase that's neither smooth nor rough so i try to lean in2 the messiness to make it look intentional#instead of confused#but overall i think i did rly well in that i like these all ok and i had fun smile :)#maybe ill do th other first years
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...I got fiddlestan brainworms
hehehe funny spongebob reference
#this is funnier if you imagine stan is still in denial that anything happened between them thirty years ago#what you don't see is a very embarrassed stan#and ford being like WHAT. WHAT WAS THAT. WHY DID HE SAY THAT.#this is pretty crappy because I didnt want to spend a lot of time on it#i got other stuff im working on!!!#i just wanted this to exist#fiddlestan#gravity falls#sketchbook#traditional art#pencil drawing#traditional drawing#fiddleford mcgucket#gravity falls fanart
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aHhh okay so the discussions of Titan!Megatron on @callsign-relic's blog have fully. FULLY taken over my brain and ive been drawing stuff for it for like the last few days nonstop
the tl;dr of this is AU is pretty much "what if Megatron got turned into a titan/cityformer as a form of penance/imprisonment and now roams the empty wasteland of Cybertron forever" plus "IDW Megatron has really fucked up internals so... what if that, but as a City?"
and of course since he's a Titan, that also means he has a cityspeaker... or three. One per sub-AU thing. Theres 3 options. 3 flavours of AU.
i have so much art to make. but in the meantime, for more info! check out the #titan au tag on Relic's blog :]!! (also uhh potential ns//fw warning for the link shfjbdkd)
Hi. My battery is running out once again so design and art notes get chucked here instead of an image.
The cuffs and collar are hardwired into Megatron, so I made the lights the same colour as his biolights!
I imagine that on the tops of his shoulders there are solar panels, even if you can't see them here lol.
I really wanted to keep the swirly bits on Megatron's chest from IDW
Other art notes:
The second picture with the seekers is (loosely) inspired by a discussion about whether or not Megatron gets visitors or not. I thought about who would visit him and well... I think this is as close as Starscream realistically gets to visiting him.
Extra detail about that piece is that Thundercracker and Skywarp are keeping watch from above! Also drawing Megatron took me like 8 hours because I was struggling with his legs really badly kshffkbfkdsbdk,, the background went much faster, funnily enough.
Optimus specifically isn't wearing his Autobot badge any more.
This isn't relevant in this series of images, but Ultra Magnus's eye markings are only on the Magnus armour. His other two forms do not have them :] (... until he begins to discard the armour, that is.)
Megatron is roughly 3200m/2 miles tall. Technically he could have clouds around his knees, but I thought this looked a little bit cooler lol.
Also, height chart! Him big. I didn't even attempt to put a human for scale because that'd be. near impossible with this scale.
#velwy.png#my art#titan au#maccaddam#megatron#transformers#transformers au#minimus ambus#ultra magnus#rodimus#optimus prime#this has involved so much fucking googling.#also learning how to draw Literally All these characters#anyway. i have more Really Clear images in my head so more stuff coming later#i have a short one page comic but uh. i dont know where to put it here so ill add it to a buncha doodles i have planned#in another post 👍#later.#im doing a spectacularly bad job of being on anon. fbfkbgkenfkdnfk#i keep oscillating between 'i should just write this' and 'i gotta draw this' so. im doing both essentially.#if i ever finish the fic/s ill post it but until then this au continues to haunt my every waking moment
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Well it was working fine for him!
#the legend of zelda#tloz tears of the kingdom#totk#zelda#tears of the kingdom#link#loz link#zelda botw#botw#breath of the wild#roommates#hateno village#comic#botw link#loz botw#art tag#fanart#im just coming up with ideas on how the house changed hands between the games#tloz#legend of zelda
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part of my nimona viewing experience. idk why but i got super emotional in the first five minutes.
ID by @peachygos
[ID: A comic juxtaposing screenshots from Nimona 2023 and drawings of a person watching the movie. The first screenshot is Ambrosius's introduction; he grins at the camera as the news anchors introduce him, his name in big print on the screen. The person watching thinks with a bored expression, "Ah. Ok. This guy is gonna be the jackass. Typical golden-boy stuck-up prince that thinks he's better than the underdog. I see where this is going.
The next screenshot is of Ambrosius and Ballister on the platform above the arena, Ambrosius doing his news anchor bit and saying, "Aaand will Ballister be broody on the biggest day of his life?" Ballister laughs at his antics. The person watching now has a small smile, as they think, "Huh! Aw, they're actually nice to each other and are friends! I wasn't expecting that, that's nice-"
The third and final screenshot is a shot from behind of Ballister leaning his head on Ambrosius's shoulder. The caption reads "the knighting ceremony is just moments away." The person watching now has a touched, soft expression, like they're holding back tears. They think "OH." as a partially transparent doodle behind them bends over crying and blubbering, with another doodle showing their heart shot through with an arrow. /end ID]
#nimona#nimona movie#my art#i dont know WHY the relationship between these two made me so happy. genuinely. but i was tearing up when they held hands#idk man. just- the feeling of 'ah. friendship between these two men like always. i see-' and then#'OH. oh god theyre in love. that so sweet. i wasnt expecting that what the fuck.'#im not an outwardly emotional person
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trigunned the hades or hadesed the trigun (id in alt)
#trigun#trigun maximum#nicholas d wolfwood#vash the stampede#meryl stryfe#milly thompson#millions knives#ruporas art#type of shit ive been on lately bc ive been playing an obsessive amount of hades 2 lmfao… ofc imstead of drawing fansrt for hades#i channel that energy into trigun?😭 SEE.. the thing is. i am ALWAYS thinking about a trigun game… like an action story game#it is rotating in my brain 24/7 and now after 7billion years i finally pick up a video game#and the inspiration sparked. obviously this is just a mere mimic of an existing media... but im thinking about the plot of max now#executed differently between mediums… webbing a new retelling of the original story as game mechanics allows you - thinking of the#new roles the characters would take. like wolfwood here is not Constantly by vash’s side but he will show up once a run to clear out an#encounter. shows up seldomly at home base to make gifting difficult... an existing companion and still journeys on his own. for more#relations options merylmilly will also have occasions where they separate so vash can speak to them individually - the gungho are not bosse#most of them get the roles of giving “boons” i think.. BUT ANYWAY thats me reimagining trigun into hades. now imagining trigun into an#ORIGINAL video game.... ough... ohhh....guhh... I WANT IT SO BAD!!!!!!!!#this was just a fun exercise... im thinking about doing more but i think i shouldactually draw some hades 2 fanart first
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okay i admit i like that plush a little bit
#tbh if im choosing between (official) gab plush and houndy plush#i would choose gab#just because how much of a job well done their design went#i think he would give me sanity points just by existing on my desk#also i know that plush came out a long time ago i dragged the sketch for like 20 days and im dealing with it rn because of something else#ultrakill#ultrakill v1#ultrakill gabriel#gabv1el#i guess#my art
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Take a bow, when everything's done.
the fun thing about handwriting words instead of using font is that you can do the emotion thing easier. the unfun thing is inconsistent size and also not straight and also writing neatly is so troublesome.
#isat fanart#isat siffrin#isat comic#isat act 5#isat spoilers#phy-sat posting#best time to draw is clearly. when i should be asleep. so normal.#yes the outline stuff for the last panel is different from the panel itself. its also a reference. iykyk#actually im not waiting for anyone to get it im just saying it. its loops thing from act 6#something about how loop gave up on their wish and destroyed themself v siffrin giving up on their wish and destroying the world#loop whos steadily lost hope to the point of no return and how their plea to the universe is a plea of desperation crying and everything#siffrin who swings so much between hope and despair and finding new breaking points every time#and their plea to the universe is a plea of resignation and also just a sort of obligation and anger#xen draws stuffs
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The tac net crash chapter is one of my favorites so far~
Ah and. Guess what. I just discovered that including this post, I made 50 pieces of fanart for Mistakes on mistakes until.. I’m so sane and normal about this story can you tell👍

#maccadam#transformers#fic fanart#momu fanart#jazz#prowl#jazzprowl#considering the speed and the amount of fanart#….yeah I can see why tumblr thought I was a bot lmao#also#I mostly read during night and then drawing from memory during day so uhhhhh the accuracy is questionable haha#mainly I feel like half of the time I don’t know how tf Jazz looks. The guy switching between his looks so often jdjfjfj#IM. SO GLAD THEY RESOLVED THEIR DRAMA EHEHBJGJ#The scene in medbay was so damn cute#oh my goddddd#the scene of the tac net crash#muah#loved it~#you know the thing is - I'm a biiiig fan of mutual feelings and actions#the scene of the kiss was absolutely great but it was a bit one sided#Jazz cared about Prowl but Prowl was far more concerned about information safety and strategy and stuff#but this?? mmmm~ Them caring for each other#Prowl using his last moments of consciousness to ask Jazz if he is mad at him#Prowl actually deeply caring of what Jazz thinks about him now when he knows Prowl killed his friends#i don't know how to explain#kisses are great but this (points) this is my favorite five star meal right here#also there is something so funny about Prowl slowly discovering fow fucked up Jazz is and just accepting it#but being so scared when Jazz discover how fucked up he is. Only for Jazz to be like “boo I knew about your fuckedupness from the start”
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you know, you know. no gods, no masters, no kings on pedestals. everyone is fallible. death of the author. you know! you are balanced about your intake of media - you allow the wiggle room, the grace, the gratitude, the skepticism. nobody above criticism.
but still. a weird gut-punch feeling, something akin to betrayal. you read the article. surprise! an author you love is actually: a serial fucking predator.
well, shit. what now. no, you knew he was a person (all people are), but now you're wondering - what have i overlooked by accident? what messages have i internalized that are strange and cruel? and also, like, what the fuck?
his actions lay a thick glaze on top of everything. like each place is now ruined, opaque in a new way. but okay, fine, you've done this before. you knew better, right? you've been betrayed by many a cherished childhood author.
still, this stickiness. fuck. can you pick up that book again. will you read it to your children. you've recommended it to others - will you ever do that again? and of course, of course, no parasocial relationships. you were theoretically above this kind of sentiment. but the artist informs the art, right.
so it's not something as clear-cut as feeling he owed you, specifically (a stranger) better behavior - just that you kind of, in a distant and odd way... sort of trusted him to do better. it's not like a real trust or something speakable, just the faint hope that the product (good books) was a thin representation of the soul. now it feels like the product (good? books?) was a mask. in some small or insignificant way, your previous support of this person lent them power. your money and your time and your laughter.
and the thing is - you have this terrible, echoing sensation. how many times will this happen? over and over. you find out that the singer you love is actually a predator. you learn over drinks that your favorite high school english teacher is in jail for what he did to her. you listen to the news idly and suddenly discover that a woman you used to idolize has been abusing her kids for an actual eon.
what can you touch without the static melting off. you can't even really complain about it too much (you were supposed to know better, and besides, you don't want the same re-split "it's not your fault, love what you love" basic advice), but now it's here. somehow, it feels like - you let him into your life.
it's not that things need to be pure or an artist has to be like, endlessly perfect, mindful. demure. it's more just this terrible truth that has been replayed through your veins so often it feels criminally vain. power corrupts, absolute power corrupts absolutely. did you want any one person to be worth that power?
it's just that he wrote books where he seemed to understand that. he seemed to know about hierarchies and unfair systems and bigotry and privilege. you thought they were books about what it means to struggle. you thought they were about having power and still using it for good rather than for control. he spooned you a narrative of being a good guy, a kind soul. you fucking bought what that fucking monster sold.
maybe that's why they were fantasies, after all.
#spilled ink#warm up#oh im .... sick to my stomach.#i talked to him. like ....... we talked. that man interacted with my poetry and writing.#that article.... gutwrenching. i am so sorry to everyone he's ever even been in the room with.#i feel.... like... unbearably. sick.#he acted like he was cool and friends with me!! we were cool internet writers together!!!!!#i feel sick for even having been polite to him.#i ...... am experiencing something so fucking complicated.#i wonder how many of u are feeling that too. like ''oh i sent him an ask and he was funny and sweet''#THATS HOW THEY GET U. ..... and YES I KNOW!!!#i am so fucking well-read about parasocial relationships. it would just be nice to like. trust that someone ISNT#hiding a huge fucking background of BEING A COMPLETE MONSTER. LIKE WHAT THE FUCK.#by the way i am not part of a fandom. this is “what the fuck i accidentally supported a rapist” not#“but my showww”. like i care far more about like. the human cost.#but also like... people are people. idk i saw a take on here about how nobody should mourn the books#and idk. people almost always reply to any scenario with their personal experience first -#''i knew him'' or ''wow i was just at that store'' or ''i grew up there'' or whatever. because that is how we establish connection &#emotional weight. that's just... a person thing. and there is a difference between 'oh this guy is a monster'' & the feeling of:#he's been a monster and i SUPPORTED THAT. i CELEBRATED him. i !!! a fucking victim myself!!!!!!!!! SUPPORTED . HIM.#i am sick. i feel so much pain for her and everyone he's ever hurt. saying ''the books are ruined'' is i think ... like how people say#they're shocked and disgusted by him. (obviously there's nuance here. im sure there's some creep doin it wrong. but u know. in general)#idk..... im an author. i understand my work is in your life in whatever small way. i understand that connection. it's real.
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i love normal guys doomed by the narrative
#either that or hilariously dysfunctional or both#tf one#orion pax#d 16#megop#megatron#optimus prime#my art#saw one post pointing out in the trailer that a like5 frame shot of megatrons cannon that was snuck between their mahoushoujo type transfor#mations and like.messed up deeply messed up u see how goofy best friends orion and megsy are theyre just silly guys but in every telling of#their story they always end up enemies ok like in a meta multiverse hopping way think about it.like oh my god prewar tfp megop was already j#juicy and earthspark divorced-remarried megop is like.RGHFH tf one is going to destroy me bc this is what they had Before do u get me#before the war before they fell apart before friends became enemies and hands were stained before the beginning of the end im so so normal#like ok.this silly tight goofy buddy dynamic thats shown in tf one so far is.is what they had before. its what they could have kept if only#if only things turned out differently. but in every world optimus prime and megatron end up leading opposite sides of the bloodiest war ever#ok.its a universal fact and everyone who knows any transformers knows this BUT THE CHARACTERS DONT THEYRE POWERLESS TO PREVENT IT#ill clean up these tags in the morning but like im so.so normal about fictional robot guys#anyway i was intending to draw a background for this but i got lazy and also spent too long on the hands!!!!so whatever
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🌙🪽✨✨
#nightwing#dick grayson#dc comics#snoozyfruit art#artists on tumblr#digital art#art#i wanna revisit this concept sometime when im not in a terrible headspace and once im better at rendering#like can u imagine this where nightwing is in night time lighting and then out-of-costume dickie is in like normal lighting#and so the ‘star’ doesn’t need the white line to differentiate between them it’s just naturally that contrast-y#also nightwing’s hair would totally be styled differently from dick’s normal hair but i got lazy#i HATE shading. but i need to practice shading in order to improve at shading. and yet……#edit: I FORGOT TO CAPTION THIS LMAO. emoji time
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'Your children will be as abundant as the stars'
Stars, like seeds, are abundant.. But there is also the isolating distance between them as they've spread. It can be lonely but hope you feel safe and loved and there's beauty in the homes we've made all over.
#pomegranate#jewish art#jumblr#sending love to homies everywhere#im stressed out and tired but. its ok#we are still connected even with hundreds n thousands of miles between communities and i think that is beautiful#something i think diaspora communities in general relate to..#sleep now#seeds#clusters#trypophobia#just in case
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ok i lied more doodles. im just posting them here now idgaf anymore
#digital art#doodles#death note#l lawliet#nate river#YES im working on all my final projects YES im still gonna draw them all day in between its called multitasking#L needs to explain all of his behaviors with facts and statistics because he feels so far removed from the human experience#near is just like.... yeah? because i want to?
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