#and im just glad my friend came over today and told me about the new system

[toribookworm22]

Guys, my classes just opened up their syllabi and schedules and now I have one week to do the work I'd been hoping to have three weeks to do and aaaaaah!

It's fine. I'm fine.

She was in fact not fine. She must find a way to get 25lbs of clay back from the art supply store. She must watch one current reality TV show. And she must come up with 5 MARKETABLE (ew gross ugh 😬) script ideas. In seven days.

[yan-randomfandom]

Hey! I wanted to ask if you could do a platonic peri X female reader? Like reader is his new good kid or something? Do what you want, Love ur stuff byyeee! :D

a/n: my bad its kinda angsty 😭 he made you his therapist,,, slight,, prolly ooc too,, im so off today,, DONT READ THIS STAY AWAY 😭😭😭

💟 ; Peri & Kid!Reader :} no wait :{

"I wish she has her favorite flavor of donut inside that lunchbox!"

Peri lifted his wand, the star glowing brighter as he granted your wish. You grinned, almost mischievously, watching your classmate open her lunch. She's going to be so surprised and happy—!

But you were met with disappointment. She pulled out the donut with no packaging, or even a container at that. It left a mess on her fingers and inside her lunchbox. At this point, it was practically unedible.

"Peri..." you side-eyed him gracefully, your eyes narrowing. He smiled sheepishly in response.

Despite the initial mess, you continued having been lunch with your hopefully permanent friend, yapping about anything that came to mind. Yet, you couldn't help but notice that Peri, disguised as a necklace, was awfully quiet throughout the whole session.

Sure, he was supposed to, but it still felt odd. He usually had a few sassy remarks up his sleeve.

After school, you finally decided to confront him.

"Peri, I'm—"

"I'm so sorry!" he sobbed, a bit dramatically, his arms flailing out. "I don't know what's gotten into me, and I know I'm the world's most godawful godparent—"

You blinked. "Huh? But... you did what I asked you to. I was going to say sorry, and I should've been more specific and told you to give her packaged donuts."

Peri paused, staring at you with a big frown on his face. That face was distracting enough to interrupt you mid-way.

"...Why are you looking at me like that?" you asked, raising a brow.

"You're so different from Dev," he murmured. "Too kind."

Your shoulders slumped. This wasn’t the first time he’d mentioned Dev. In fact, during the first few days, that was all he ever talked about.

"Is that... a bad thing?" you mumbled, looking down.

Peri patted your head, gently ruffling your hair. "You're a good kid. Which is why I'm so surprised you even need a fairy godparent."

His eyes widened at your expression. "No! Of course not, starshine," he floated over to you quickly. "I didn't mean to make you feel that way. It's just... he was my first godkid, and we ended on a pretty bad note."

"Seriously," you said, scrunching your nose, "you say that like it's a bad thing."

His eyebrows furrowed. "You don't deserve to feel miserable."

"If anything, you're the miserable one," you snickered, but your smile faltered when he looked genuinely affected.

"...But I'm glad I met you, Peri," you quickly added, softening your words with a smile. "And I'm sure, whoever this Dev kid is, he'd be proud of you."

Peri mustered a crooked smile, thinking about how, if Dev had heard your words, he’d be offended beyond belief.

±

if you think something's wrong w peri then i think you're absolutely rigt

[short-black-diamond]

Im in love with ur "she's a pro series"

Yena telling kunigami like "Uhm, eyes up here buddy" type of vibe. While with bastard muenchen, Yena starts trying to help Ness "Blossom" like the rose he is. 🤪💅

And while doing so, Kaiser is there like "NAH, HE MY SIDEKICK✋"

And MAYBE, Karasu, otoya and aiku ( the goofiest trio ) were spying on Yena and saw how kunigami was a perv and now are all " OOOOO, SOMEONE HAS A CRUSH" And kunigami's reaction i guess?

Sorry that this was long😅 i might have imagined a LIL too much💀

Thx!! Love and kisses💋❤️🤪💅 byebye!!

"Yo, she's a pro." ...part four

part one , part two , part three, ... , part five

Aw thanks, I'm glad you like it! Also about that blossoming, I had to think about Oliver's past and Kaiser's tattoo, so yeah lol

Bro your idea is LIT, and who am I to ignore you, my love? Also my friend wanted the reader to dance with Lavinho I guess? so yea

Your name: Yena Hideyo

Warnings/summary: you are a love-sick fool and don't act like your cool self at all, the trio teases Kunigami, you kick Kaiser between his legs this time, you touch Ness' lips, you dance with Lavinho, bachira has slutty hips, Rin smiles

Word count: 4.9 k 💀

---

It was truly embarrassment at it's finest. You didn't know that the cameras were everywhere, and your and blue lock's fans saw your interaction with Kunigami. Luckily they couldn't hear what Kunigami whispered in your ear. But, they could think, and your fanbase didn't exactly have the cleanest minds.

And much more unfortunately, A certain trio you had electrocuted a few hours prior saw your interaction with Kunigami. However, you didn't know about that...yet.

(you threw away the dress and shoes and all the makeup and jewellery as soon as they got off of your body.)

And, well, Chris Prince was the nosiest coach, closely followed by Lavinho, who were both taking pictures, laughing and cooing at your (cute) pouting face while they asked you about Kunigami.

You were just a blushing mess as you told them that "There's nothing to worry about! I just tripped and he held me close! That's all!", but did the two men believe you?

no <3.

...

It actually took you a while to recover from what Kunigami said to you yesterday as you were waiting in the operation room. Melody would get new fangs today.

you were anxious, to say the least. But, to your rescue came Reo, Nagi and Bachira. But, you were confused upon their arrival. "Shouldn't you guys be training?"

Bachira raised his hands excitedly. "We're here for your emotional support! Lavinho gave me permission to come as well! And here's a carton box of choccy milk!", the boy cheered, handing you over an under 500 ml milf box. You thanked him.

"Prince allowed us to leave as well when we told him you were a close friend of ours.", Reo explained, and Bachira plopped down next to you. Nagi and Reo stood there before they played scissors-paper-rock against each other.

Reo yelled in victory before sitting himself beside you. "The only game where I'm always a loser...", Nagi muttered before taking out his phone next to Reo.

you sighed, but you still smiled at them. "You guys didn't really have to do that, really. You should rather train... But thanks, I appreciate it."

Bachira grinned at you. "I want to stay close to Melody! She's so cool! ...So, how long are we waiting?"

"Four hours.", you stated. Nagi yawned, and Reo chuckled at Bachira's startled expression. "Also you didn't have to pay for Melody's surgery, Reo...I have plenty of money myself, you know?", you said as you turned to your left where Reo sat.

He only smiled down at you sweetly. "But I love Melody as well, Yena."

Reo actually nearly said you, but luckily he caught himself.

You huffed in amusement, but the orange or light brown?(->the sole) heels of your black converse shoes were tapping rapidly against the floor, and your right knee bounced pretty fast as well.

"Hey, Yena...", Bachira spoke softly, before glancing at Reo and Nagi. He wanted to calm your nerves by making you talk about something other than the surgery which was being proceeded right behind your back.

"How do you even know these guys?", he asked. You pondered for a moment. "I dunno..."

"What? C'mon, Yena. Us meeting for the first time was the funniest thing, remember??"

"Huh...Ah! No, please don't-"

"It was a long, long time ago, Bachira...", Reo began.

...

The classroom was particularly loud one day, making Nagi wake up from his slumber. "What's with the noise...?", he murmured sleepily. Reo snickered. "We're going to have a new transfer student today, did you already forget?"

"hm...don't care..", the white albino haired boy muttered before he closed his eyes again.

"...s Ye...deyo...!", he faintly heard his teacher introduce you.

"My name is Yena Hideyo. I am the first female Japanese soccer protégé.", you exclaimed loudly, and Nagi's eyes snapped open.

The whole classroom "oooooohhhhh~"ed at that.

But, they widened even more when he saw how you looked. Remember when I once said that you were a goth at heart? Well, the white uniform which had to be worn normally was black in your case, with chains sprouting everywhere. Your blazer was open, and it reveiled a dark red corset with black embroidments on it, and black bones.

Underneath that corset was a white bouse, and the tie was also shorter. Instead of the normal school skirt, yours was black with ruffles, and it...actually looked pretty good. You also wore black platform boots (Black Mamba from Megamind...yk what I mean? if not nvm), and Nagi and Reo were surprised that you were even allowed to wear something like that.

But, now that he thought about it, your skirt was reaching down to the upperside of your knees, where the normal school skirts reached mid-thigh. Also your boots were reaching up to your knees, and your thigh highs weren't really visible. You actually showed less skin than normal highschool girls.

"Does any of you guys know how to play soccer?", you asked as you looked at the stunned faces. Nagi raised his hand, and so did Reo. "Let's become buddies.", you said with a small smile, and they nodded.

Reo never thought that he'd have an academic rival until he met you. At every question the teacher made, you always raised your hand first. Whenever there would be a question the teachers didn't even know themselves, you and Reo would battle for the first tight answer, and then get into arguments when the answers were not the same.

Also, Nagi laughed his ass off when you cried after you collided against a classmate which resulted in your chocolate milk spashing to the ground. Reo gave you his chocolate milk. you three grew inseperable ever since.

Well, until your father got a job with better salary.

You had to leave the next day.

...

"And that's why, to this day, I still don't forgive your father!"

"Reo...he apologized to you everytime you called me...", you muttered.

"...still..."

"Huh, so you three are like, highschool friends?", Bachira asked as he hummed in thought. You nodded.

"Someone had to lower Reo's ego in school, and I also had to crush Nagi's pride in all the challenges of the games he played."

"It was hell when you defeated me in bed wars, Yena.", Negi grumbled when he had to think about the way you blew up his team's bed right after he landed on your territory.

"Never have I ever had such a mental breakdown like the time you told me the difference between active and passive beauty. Philosophy was an absolute warzone.", Reo shuddered when he thought about the dark ages.

You snickered. "Well, it was fun."

"For you!", Reo and Nagi yelled in unison.

Bachira laughed. "And, Bachira? Why are you in Blue Lock? If it's a too personal question, you can also say no. Wouldn't want to force you.", you asked, trying to be formal around Bachira. He was the one Melody loved the most out of all the boys in this facility.

"there's this monster I always see. Since I was young, I could see it, and always played with it..and then I saw the monster's moves in Isagi, and you. you and Isagi would be the players I'd like to pass to and play with.", he grinned. "You know, I can understand if you don't know what I'm talking about-"

"But I do.", you said, with a serious expression. Bachira's eyes widened. 'what do you mean-'

"If I could share a personal secret, my next book is about my type in men. In this facility, it is interesting to see all the different boys, but they all have their charms, however, it's only ever a fragment, a piece form the whole perfect man in my head.

I got asked from my fans to interact with many of them and find out that way how'd they be in a relationship.", you spoke, putting a hand under your chin in thought.

"But I can't understand why they'd like to see Oliver and some other guys I wouldn't choose personally. Oliver looks like a divorced man who can't get shit together, even though he's only 18? or 19?

Shidou Ryusei, as polite as he was to me, might kill people on the daily or make an onlyfans, and, well, then there's also Isagi."

You were glad the fans didn't bring Kunigami up though. (Yes, they did, you're just not online yet, and they will hold you at gunpoint for that whole you-stumbling-into-Kunigami-thing.)

Reo, Nagi and Bachira listened intently to what you said. But when reo and Nagi heard the name "Isagi", they "hah?!"ed at the same time again.

"Why do the fans like Isagi!?", Reo exclaimed in anger, mad at the fact that you didn't say his name.

"Yeah, what's so special about him...?!", Nagi muttered annoyedly.

You snorted. "Jealous?" "..." "Pretty much.", you remarked as you sighed.

"Remember what Noa said? The fans like Isagi, because he scored a goal in the world cup. He's been out in the field practically only for fanservice."

"Only because he scored a goal? Hmpf..!", Nagi grumbled. You sighed.

"Well...but what about your type, Yena?", Reo asked, trying to find out what you saw in the perfect man. He also thought aboout copying that personality if it meant for you to fall for him. He didn't have to act as a chameleon only on the field, right?

"My type...?", you thought loudly. Only Kunigami came to mind, actually.

You could only think about his cool eyes, or his spicky orange hair, and gosh, let's rather not talk about the body..! you thought about his voice, a deep vibration, which you'd like to feel against your skin as he embraced you with his big, strong arms, his nice scent filling your lungs as you gasped-

"Ah- I-I don't really have a type, ahahhahaahha!", you yelled as you stood up suddenly and laughed like a maniac. Bachira, Nagi and Reo shared concerned glances behind your back.

'Gosh, I nearly said Kunigami!!!', your mind raced. But, you took a deep breath. "Sorry, I was just thinking about a particular character form a book I really liked. But about my type...I'd say he's a little mysterious, has good manners, is polite, has a great, well-trained body -not that I'm bodyshaming anyone, heheh- and just...a smooth voice? Also, I like it when he has pretty eyes.."

Reo and Nagi looked at each other, their rivalry going unnoticed by you, but Bachira snorted at the flying sparks between the two.

"Is there any resemblance to...me?", Reo asked hopefully, and you snickered. "You? Hm...your hair is purple, that's a plus.", you said in a positive voice.

Nagi pointed to his hair. "Mine's white, so I'm a rarity, Yena.", he muttered with a blush as he gave you a little smile.

However, you made it fall in an instant. "Yeah, albino hair is pretty rare, but having naturally purple hair? I think nobody can top that."

Reo blushed furiously at your statement and he grinned as he looked down on his hands which rested on his lap. Nagi grumbled under his breath.

"Hey, Yena! Do I have cool hair too?! My hair is dark in the front, but light at the back! Isn't it cool?!", Bachira exclaimed, pointing towards his hair. he wanted to feel included as well.

You smiled softly at Bachira. He truly felt like a little brother to you, even though he was an inch taller than you. "yes, your hair's pretty cool too, Bachira."

...

Kunigami had just stepped into the gym when Otoya, Oliver and Karasu stepped in as well and strolled over to where Kunigami wanted to do his sets. Kunigami was about to bench press 80 kg/176 lbs. They snickered to themselves with a mischievous grin before Oliver started talking.

"So...we saw somethin', dude.", the heterochromia (dual coloured eyes) having boy started, going in front of the metal to "spot" Kunigami in case the ginger wouldn't be able to lift anymore.

Otoya looked at the weight. "You sure you can lift that?"

Kunigami thought back to you. You must've weighted between 60 and 80 kg's, no? So...he wanted to train using the maximum of your body weight. He blushed slightly, but he frowned. "Yes, it's warm up weight."

"Mind if we join?", Karasu asked with a smirk, as he used some dumbbells.

"Sure.."

"So, back to what we saw...you were being a lil goody-goody with Yena...", Oliver pondered, grinning at Kunigami holding the bar over his head, and stopped a second too long.

"So what."

"Well...we were just wondering...", Oliver murmured as he did some push-ups, giving up on trying to spot Kunigami. "do you maybe like her?"

Kunigami let the weight fall slowly to him. He breathed out. "Doesn't everyone like her?", he asked as he lifted it again, frowning deeply and wondering where the conversation might lead him. He knew that all the boys who interacted with you had their hearts captivated by you, and he was honestly a little insecure about himself. He also didn't think you'd be interested in him, because he didn't really look like a nice guy. (But that boutta change bro)

"Yes, of course, it's just, you must be having a crush on her~!", Otoya teased, but he flinched at the sound of the weight Kunigami let fall down carelessly, as Kuniagmi went up to Otoya, and Otoya was only 177 cm (5'9'') whereas Kunagi towered over him, being 188 cm (6'2'') tall. Otoya stumbled back with wide eyes, and Oliver and Karasu quickly joined to ease the tension.

"So what if I do? And you should be ashamed of yourselves for what you did with Yena in the sauna. I'm glad that she electrocuted you guys."

The three boys looked down in embarrassment. So she told Kunigami about what happened. Still, Oliver had the biggest ego out of those three, as well as the biggest mouth, and he was also two centimeters bigger than Kunigami.

"Hey, no need to point fingers now, right?"

"You guys started it."

"Ah, guilty. Sorry 'bout that. But hey, now we now that our little wildcard here has a crush on Yena!", and with that, the trio chuckled as they left. Once the door slid closed, Kunigami sighed, a deep blush covering his cheeks.

'fucking idiots...!', he thought before he kept going with his training.

...

You didn't know how long you've been chatting with Bachira and your two highschool friends, but the door to the surgery suddenly opened. The doctor stepped out, a handsome older male as he groaned in exhaustion.

"Is Melody alright? How did the procedure go? Can I see her?", you asked worriedly after you stood up the moment you heard the door unlock.

"Melody is fine, miss Hideyo. Her fangs are suiting her well. You can come see her, but she is a little drugged with pollen. It might take her a few minutes to fully wake up, but she'll enjoy a few headscratches, I think.", you hugged the surgeon with tears in your eyes.

"Thank you...thank you so much!", you cried, and the surgeon stood there, startled by your over-affectionate gesture before he smiled fondly and patted your head.

"It was no problem. And now, I'll need to go."

You quickly let go of him, bidding him farewell as he went back to his chamber. Then, you took a deep breath before going to Melody. She was laying on that hospital bed, and you slowly apporached her.

"Hey baby...how are you?", you asked softly before you let a finger massage her head. She opened her eyes, registering your presence before yawning, and her silver fangs shined in the hospital light.

you gushed. "Whoah...", you and Bachira made, as he crouched down next to you. You gently picked her up, with her tangling her body in your arm as Bachira put the long snake-blanket on her.

"Her fangs are so cool...!", Bachira gushed as you four went back to your room. Kaiser, Ness and Hiori stood there as they conversed with each other.

You frowned. "what are you guys doing here?", you whispered, your Melody sleeping safe and sound in your arm.

Kaiser "tch"ed before strutting towards you. "You think you can-", but he held his groin in pain when you kicked him. Ness whimpered as he held his hands in front of his crotch, taking a step away from you in fear.

"Melody had surgery just now, so can you, like, maybe not?", you grumbled as you kicked him to the side before Reo opened the door for you.

Ness looked after Kaiser who gritted his teeth and Hiori stared at the two germans for a moment before going inside as well.

You put Melody in a capsule which was custom-made. She slept inside her "nest". You looked at Hiori.

"The player-switch?", you asked, and Hiori nodded, taking the choccy milk from you which you distributed towards your friends. "I saw you stressing at the banks, Hiori. I knew that you had a way better vision on what they had to do in order to score a goal, and I couldn't do much since I was a defender, so I let you in. and, well, you made it. Because of you, you, Ness, Isagi and Kurona managed for a goal."

"But...weren't Raichi or Igarashi a better option?"

"They are both idiots."

Hiori hummed while the others snorted. Ness knocked this time, before stepping inside. He had a busted lip, and you grew alarmed.

"Yo, what happened??", you asked as you placed a finger on his lip which started to blood slightly. "Ah...n-nothing..!", Ness stuttered when he felt your cold finger on his hot underlip. It felt soothing

You frowned at him before taking a special balm form your drawer and opened it. The whole room started smelling after peppermint in just a few seconds.

You motioned for him to sit down as you applied some on his wound, and his lip quivered a little from the pain and the cold sensation. Maybe also because you started to apply it on the rest of his lip as well, your finger brushing against his lip again and again. He blushed furiously as he stared into your focused glare with wide eyes.

"So, that should be good for now. What I gave you was a lip balm which closes the wound faster, and it is also like regular lip balm because you had chapped lips. You can keep the balm.", you explained as you reached out your hand with the balm for him to take.

He muttered a soft "Th-thank you...!" before he took the balm, your fingers touching, sending him a slight shock as your and his fingers brushed against each other, and he finally had the balm in his hand.

He examined it, but it was actually just .. some kind of balm in a tube?

"Where are the inprints? Like ingredients, or from what company?", he asked, puzzled for a moment as he kept looking at the naked dark red tube.

"I made it myself.", you just said before you leaned against your table. Ness looked at you for a moment before nodding, and then he asked a question he's been meaning to ask.

"Are you really going to Lavinho?"

You nodded and Bachira quickly side-hugged you. "Yep! And she'll be teaching me how to dribble like she did! aww, I'm so excited!"

You huffed in amusement before taking Bachiras head, putting him in a headlock and ruffling his hair aggressively. "But I won't go easy on you!", you whisper-yelled.

He tried breaking free form your grasp, but to no avail.

Reo and Nagi only glared at Ness and Bachira. they also wanted you to touch their lips and ruffle their hair.

...

"Whoah! you actually really suck at this, Otoya!", you bullied him wholeheartedly as you "passed" the ball to him. You were actually shredding the ball in his direction, and he mosten-times slipped and fell down.

Yeah, you were still mad at him for what he, Oliver and Karasu did.

Bachira and Lavinho were having the time of their lives when you three were dribbling. Then, Lavinho had the (bad) idea of turning on some latina music and reached out his right hand to you, his left foot placed on the ball.

"Let's show them what dribbling really means, Yena!", he exclaimed and you sighed. "Do I have a choice?"

"Nope, the fans wanted this!", he cheered before he started dancing to the intro.

you huffed before raising your arms and strutting towards him. Now, you two held each other's arms while dancing to the steps. It was a fluent dance, and the ball swirled around between you two.

Even though you had to stay on your tippy toes, it wasn't as bad as you thought. Lavinho was a great guy to dance with, actually.

While you two were moving around, the cameras followed, an so did everyones' elses gaze. Bachira found himself captivated by the harmonization of you and his trainer dancing like you two did forever, but it was actually the first time you and Lavinho danced with each other.

As soon as the music came to a stop, you and Lavinho swerved your hips before youleft foot and his right one touched the ball and you two scored a goal.

Everyone clapped in applause.

"So, what did you guys see?", Lavinho asked as you forked a ball.

"Well, the ball just--stayed between your feet, not going anywhere!", Bachira exclaimed.

Otoya laid there after you shredded his leg again. "Yena looked sex-ACK!"

You shredded his face. And you didn't care if you got in trouble for that. Also...your time was slowly running out. You wondered where Rin went.

"Exactly! Now, try to do it as well!", Lavinho yelled as he turned the music on again. You only raised an eyebrow when he shook his hips to the rythm, but both your eyebrows were raised when Bachira extended his hand to you.

"Let's dance, Yena!"

"..huh?", you made, suddenly aware that all the other boys had balls and were looking at you expectingly.

Yeah, you had to dance with every single one of them. But you refused Otoya's request to dance with you.

You had the most fun with dancing with Bachira. You wanted to dance again with him. "Bachira, would you mind if we danced again? I really enjoyed it.", you spoke.

Bachira blushed a little, but he was also very cheeful. "Sure!"

As the next song started, you two swayed your hips before you started dancing. You made actual dance steps and bachira just--well, he dribbled with the ball. It turned form a friendly dance to a competition of who could take the ball from the other person.

It was your steps against his dribbling.

Suddenly, your eyes wandered. Your gaze was locked on his eyes as he looked right back at you, then to the yellow hair at his nape and neck, then down to his arms, and when you were having your eyes nearly shut, Bachira thought you were just, well, closing your eyes and feeling the moment.

Never would he have guessed that you were looking at his hips though. they were hypnotizing in their own way, and you couldn't help but blush and pant by the way they were swaying. 'stop these dirty thoughts...dammit bachira, why are you so hot!?', you thought as you tried taking the ball from him again and again.

Still, you were occasionally looking up at him, and he grinned at you. You flushed and averted your eyes. The music kept playing. 'Just how long is this song...and why does Bachira have those, slim, slutty and sexy hips?! This isn't fair...!'

And just like that, you two danced until the last second of the last song ended. You two were panting when you were done. the ball stood between your and Bachira's feet. "Say...how come you're such a great dancer?", the boy asked, out of breath.

You gave him your waterbottle after you opened it. He drank from it. "I used to be a ballroom dancer. And, well, I still use dancing steps, even in football. It just became a habit of mine."

"Aww...I wish I went ballroom dancing...did you go to any competitions?"

"Just a few."

"Did you win any prizes? Did you win first place?"

"Always.", you answered with a smirk.

Bachira's eyes lit up. "Jeez, you're so cool Yena! I'm so jealous!"

You only huffed in amusement. "Nah, you just flatter me too much. C'mon, let's eat dinner, before everyone eats everything away.", you said as you gave him your hand to take because he was sitting.

...

Rin suddenly took you aside, holding your wrist tightly. "What the hell was that??", he asked in an irritated tone and you snatched your hands away from him.

"Okay, so first off; don't touch me. Second, I was just dancing.", you spoke as you put your hands on your hips.

You didn't want this to lead to an argument. But Rin looked like he did. Oh well.

"That didn't look like 'just dancing' to me.", he grumbled as he sztared down at you.

"And? So what?"

"Hmpf...let's go train."

"I didn't eat anything since breakfast, can I-" "I made you some homemade Spaghetti." "How did you manage to go into the kitchen?"

Rin huffed in frustration. "Okay I didn't go to the kitchen, I ordered takeout for us. Now come."

"I don't like the tone."

"...", Rin licked his lips, his eyes never leaving yours. He sighed. "Sorry. Would you like to go train with me after we eat something?", he asked softly- no, shyly, and his eyes were even downcast as he had a pout on his face.

You stretched before nodding. "You could've gone on your knees for that plea, but meh. Let's go, I don't want the spaghetti getting cold."

Rin sighed in relief that you didn't turn him down. You followed him to his room and he already had the table set, where his laptop would normally rest.

As you two ate the spaghetti, Rin spoke up. "How's Melody? You told me she got new fangs today?"

You nodded as you slurped up the delicious noodles, and Rin did the same. No need to eat formal when you're eating with a close friend, right? "Yep, the doctor said she'd be fine by now, and that she's very tired. And high."

Rin huffed in amusement. "Maybe she needed drugs?"

"The doctor had Malody inhale pollen, which is the same as drugs. But enough of her. How is your training going? And your self meditation?"

Rin blushed at the questions you asked, which were about him. "Great. Although I'd like it more if we'd spend a little more time together. Like...instead of one hour with you, I'd like to have you to myself the whole day."

You looked at him for a moment, mouth full of spaghetti. Rin then realized what he said when you raised your eyebrows and started chewing quickly.

"Wait- no- th-that's not what I meant-"

But he knew there'd be no end in sight after you swallowed your bite.

"Daymmm~ where did you learn to be so smooth, Rin?", you teased and Rin sighed with rosy cheeks as he frowned at you.

"Please, Yena, I didn't want it to come out like this."

"So you don't wanna spend time with me? Hm, sad. I actually did."

"I-I did too!", Rin quickly yelled right after your sentence ended.

"Then why are you taking it back?", you asked the dark haired boy. He looked down at his half-eaten spaghetti box.

"Well, because it was embarrassing of me to say...", he muttered, and you placed your box down as well.

"hmm...embarrassing, you say? I remember how you told me to not be embarrassed when I was scared to go to my first ballroom dancing competition. You told me to not be embarrassed. And that made my whole day.", you spoke, and you opened a cola can, happy that it didn't shake during the delivery time.

"Rin, please don't be embarrassed for your needs. You're one of my best friends. If it weren't for you, Sae, Nagi and Reo, I'd be somewhere in a villa, having to hear my family blabber about some unimportant business shit.

But you helped me, Rin. You saved me. And for that, I'm always grateful.", you took a sip from the can as Rin stared at you with his mouth agape in shock.

'I saved you...? But...you saved me!'

Before Rin could say anything else, a female voice rang through the corridors. "The curfew is approaching in ten minutes, please go back to your dorms."

"Ah, looks like I'll have to go...bye Rin. Goodnight.", you said softly before you hugged him.

He hugged you back as tight as you could. "when...when will you leave Blue Lock?"

"I don't know. Ego said he'd think about it, because he was the one who wanted me to be here. I don't know if my presence has improved any of you guys, but I hope it did.", you joked as you went to the door.

Rin sat on his bed.

"Yena?"

"Hm?", you turned around, and then you saw it.

Rin smiled.

He looked etheral when he smiled. Like out of a painting. You loved it.

"Thank you."

You had tears flowing quickly in your eyes as you smiled back.

"Anytime, Rin."

---

Wow now I have tears in my eyes lol. I hope you guys liked this part <3

Also sorry that I didn't really include Kaiser in this, I just hate hate HATE this boy with a burning passion idk why though

Also I wanna put in Niko, cuz he cute as FUCK, I just want Yena to shamelessly flirt with him and make him blush and stutter...

Also I have no idea what took over me when I wrote you dancing with Bachira...

Anyways, you guys can choose what happens in the next part, okay?

Read you guys in the next post!

[b0ard1ngsch00l]

(boss crush anon) thanks :D i'll start with context, im 28 and hes 48..funnily enough i had a dream recently where i was back in high school and he was my teacher LOL, thought that was relevant. ive had this crush for a few months now and have been writing about every little interaction i have with him. one of your posts that rly spoke to me was "i want to mean something to him", bc girl no joke ive written that exact sentiment about him before. every time i talk to him feels special, i get a legit high thinking about seeing him every day. hes so painfully handsome and nice to me, sometimes when he sees me his whole face just lights up and he gives me this HUGE smile. hes also the only person i work with who calls me by a shortened version of my name <3 one of my other coworkers even noticed that he did that and i was like 0///0 yeah he has a nickname for me so what?

there was an after-work happy hour that i went to once, i brought a friend and asked her to watch how he acted around me bc he can be hard for me to read sometimes, i cant see his behavior objectively when i have so much wishful thinking going on lol. she told me later that when we walked in, he made a beeline straight for me right away, and seemed sorta shy when talking to me. she asked how i was doing at my job (i was new at the time) and he said something like "shes awesome! every day that shes here is a great day!" and my face mustve been beet red..he kept showing up in our conversations with other people and standing near me, something ive noticed he does a lot in group situations. just recently, we had an premiere with lots of people and since i was on the clock i was standing by myself in the back of the room, watching in case someone needed anything. fr he comes over and stands RIGHT next to me. there was no one else around that area, he chose to stand right beside me while we watched the premiere.

he was out of the office for a whole week once (work related reasons) and i angsted so hard..not seeing him on weekends is bad enough but this was like 10 days and i was going feral. we followed each other on instagram after that happy hour and during that week he was gone he randomly liked one of my posts late at night. i have to wonder if he was missing me too..the next day he came by my work area to ask "whats new?", like he just wanted to catch up after being away which i thought was sweet. yesterday he was teasing me about hiding some of our work halloween decorations in my car to scare me (cute lol), today he was showing me how to tape a package with a confusing tape dispenser and our hands brushed multiple times while handing the tape back and forth, and god only knows whatll happen tomorrow!!

hes so wonderful and i rly want to know more about him, i want to be around him constantly and any time i get with him is instant dopamine. hes intoxicating and i feel selfish wishing he'd break a million rules for me (boss/employee relations, 20 year age gap, and yeah you guessed it hes also married) but i just cant help myself......im not planning on making a move bc i love my job too much to risk getting fired for that, but if HE did you know id reciprocate in an instant. but im glad to just know him even if things remain the same as they are forever, as much as i wish theyd escalate. THANK YOU for letting me get this all out of my system, theres even more i could say but this is long enough lol. have an amazing day, G <333333333

This was very enjoyable to read thank you! The way you both are seems sooo cute! I’m so glad you can relate to me <33 I so get you, and everything you’re feeling yk. It’s hard being obsessed with middle aged men who deep down you know you can’t have😭 but also there’s no other feeling like it and it’s kinda the best! Any time you need to rant about him I’d love to hear!💕

[wifegideonnav]

alright day 3/6 down!

im so mentally drained lol, though in a very good way. i am so glad i have the next few days off for sure. honestly don’t have too much to say today? each successive trip has been less and less “logical” or “explicable” in words. if i had to summarize it tho, today was about learning to spread love outwards, to reflect that which i feel like has been flowing into me for the previous two trips. i just felt like i had so much gratitude and love for my people, but in this sort of deep/primal sense that i can’t capture in words. I guess the way to describe it is a feeling of being connected on a soul level. i came out of it with strong messages for several people in my life, and a desire to uplift my loved ones. i also feel more connected to nature, especially animals of all kinds.

they told me at the clinic that day three is when people really start turning a corner, and i definitely feel that within myself. i was saying to a friend, it’s hard to know how this new attitude will translate to my interactions out in life, as all ive been doing for the last 3 days is tripping, sleeping, and processing 😅 so not exactly representative of normal life. it’ll also be interesting to see how the changes im feeling develop or last over the long term, when im further away temporally from this experience. but as for now, i simply feel full of love and grace and gratitude.

this treatment is in no way a mental health panacea, and i know there’s so much more work im going to have to do. but in a way, for the first time that work feels… accessible in a way it never has before. ive pretty much always had the sense, ever since i started therapy, that talking, going through my logical brain, is not the way to healing for me. my brain is way too good at like. dodging attempts to logic itself out of depression, unhealthy thoughts, etc. so ive always had this sense that in order for the real work to begin, i need to access the deeper parts of my brain that run on emotion, not logic. the best way i can describe it is the difference between knowing or being told that i am loved and worthy, and actually feeling that in a visceral, all consuming way. it feels like i am unlocking the piece of me that was missing, or hiding, or starved. it’s accessing a part of me that i haven’t had access to, precisely by more or less shoving me into it, but in the most beautiful and gentle and teaching-based way.

really, the biggest shift ive felt mentally is this move away from anger, resentment, and the pain that comes from that. im now able to look back on past events with a sense of dawning peace and compassion, both for myself and the people who have hurt me. again, this is still just the beginning of the work, and im sure ill continue to be unpacking this for a long time to come. but for the first time, the dominant emotions ive been feeling are peace and contentment with being in the present moment. and even if this feeling doesn’t last, i know ill have the memory and experience of it to draw on in the future.

overall, im feeling good, im making strides, and im growing. i cannot articulate how grateful i am to have this opportunity; it’s horrific bullshit that not everybody has access to the same treatment. thank you all for being so supportive and respectful of my journey 🥰 ill be back with another recap on monday!

[bookns]

Hoo boy. I said I’d put this in your inbox so here we go.

So I have this friend. We will call her Molly but that is not her name. She had a crush on a boy who we will call Eggo, even while she was dating her boyfriend, who we will call London. So in January of this year, Molly breaks up with London because he’s really not being a good person. So she is free to pine after Eggo. Like he’s all that she talks about.

But I knew a secret. Eggo had recently broken up with /his/ girlfriend, Oleander. Oleander actually broke up with him because he was being very controlling and honestly started taking male podcasts to heart. So we know that Eggo is not the best guy either.

But I let this play out. I take all of Molly’s gushing and pining as an “oh maybe he’s not that bad” right? But in my heart of hearts I know better, because I sit right next to Eggo in my Spanish class and he tries to mansplain the language to me. Like come on man. We’re both learning this for the first time, and for all I know, you’re not doing much better than me. And his sense of humor is lame. But anyway.

Enough time goes by that Molly and Eggo start hanging out a lot. Like texting each other all the time, they’re on call all night long, they GO OUT TO PLACES TOGETHER ON THE WEEKENDS. And eventually, Molly confesses that she likes him. Now, it’s presumed that he likes her back, right? He’s been doing all of this with her, and all signs point to romance.

But no. He tells her “he doesn’t like her like that”. And so Molly says that she will try to drop her attraction. Mind you, she turns as red as a tomato whenever we see him in the hall. Like it’s bad. But they… keep hanging out… every weekend… texting all day… and Maria is still trying to ignore him.

So he’s obviously leading her on. Playing with her feelings. However. Today at lunch, I got The News. That my other friend who we will call Lavender has ALSO has a crush on Eggo. And she’s been flirting with him, because EGGO TOLD HER that he was NOT talking to anybody else. But obviously, he WAS talking to Molly! And that’s quite interesting, and more complicated because Molly and Lavender had a falling-out a couple years ago. But Lavender wants to tell Molly the situation, but she’s worried that Molly will think she’s trying to pick up a hammer and smash their relationship into further pieces.

And so I was elected to go tell Molly at lunch today that Lavender had something to tell her. And so I did. And I told Molly it was about Eggo. And so she looked up and caught Lavender’s eye and Lavender came over, filled Molly in, and now we’re all really really teamed up against him and we have a hater group chat 🥰🥰🥰

I am here and I am READY

first off these names really made me laugh - Molly has such BAD taste Jesus. the fact that London was bad but EGGO- go girl he sounds so much worse

your such a good friend Maia for dealing with Molly's pining its so real and teenage girlie of you

I love the note that his sense of humor is lame

Molly YES YOU GO GIRl

I don't even know her but im proud of her

poor Molly oh girlie

Molly I wish I could just tell her and just go NO

I bet he's not even that cute

obvilsy he's leading her on yea

YO WHAT IS WITH THIS MAN JUST GETTING GIRLS

lavender NO

eggo is such an ick

not the falling out that makes it so much WORSE

no lavender was right for wanting to telling her

YALL HAVE A HATER GC

oh im so glad this had an happy ending

fuck eggo'

GIRLHOOD IS HATING SHITTY GUYS

this was fun

[zunopious]

12/18/2022 - 11:39pm

I wasn’t going to write anything here anymore but I couldn’t help it. Plus you said its good to put thoughts down on physical surfaces right? I watched La La Land today, it was beautiful. I loved it, I saw you in Mia’s character; I also saw myself in Sebs’. The way you want whats best for people no matter what, and how you give such an innocent love to those around you. You can also get easily discouraged when things don’t go accordingly. When she cried after her audition I pictured her as you because you always talked about not being loved or cared for in the way you wanted. I wanted to hug her and tell her everything would be okay. Everything will be okay and you’ll be loved how you want to be loved. Anyone would be a fool not to.

I saw myself in Sebs’ character through his ambition for something greater and his perseverence to wanting to keep pushing through broken glass to get to his goal. He also spoke out of spite which reminded me of me in our arguments towards the end. My therapist said its because I was pushed to a limit but who knows. At the end when Seb saw Mia I envisioned that being us. I couldn’t help but think that be us. I have a feeling the next time i hear or see you, it would be just a passing. I glimpse. And like the scene where an entire seperate universe plays out where they marry, have kids, and settle down will play in my head. I’ll still be happy for you. You deserve love and nothing but. I trust you’re doing well. 

Besides the movie, I also wanted to talk about the entire situation that i got us into. My plan was never to leave you for someone else. I wrote it down in a doc. I didn’t go see her to be around her. She was just in the friend group at the time. I remember one of the weekends after our breakup, I told Zach that i missed you. Weekend after that one i told Sebas and Jay. Truth is i never stopped loving you. Not for a second. Nothing would change that you know, whether or not they would be here. I promised you that i would leave anyone for you. You’ll always be my person that i would choose in a sea of people. 

I know my actions show otherwise but it wouldn’t have changed anything. The reason i never reached out sooner, despite wanting to. Is knowing that you don’t deserve that. I said that it would just be an attatchment, but it wasn’t. It never was. When we kissed again, and your lips hugged mine I felt everything. I felt the warmth of your aura, the memories of every kiss we’ve had, the smell of your apple hair. It was like a lightning bolt struck me. It wasn’t sparks. I was just very very very lost. I am slowly forgiving myself for everything that has happened. 

My therapist said that feeling guilt and remorse means im a good person and that i have done everything i can. I still can’t shrug the feeling of getting over you. I came back too late but its okay, its your time to figure out who you are. To strengthen your open heart and soul. I can see that you’re becoming such an amazing person. I am so proud of you Monse. I can feel that you’re becoming who you want to be, being able to live life yourself. Do what you want to do. I’m happy for you. You were already a stong person before, and now you’ll be stronger. 

I’m sorry I was your lesson in this life but, I’m glad that I was able to help you become who you needed to become. 

You said that it seems like everything was a lie. It never was, for me it was too good to be true. I was afraid of being hurt. You were right about me needing time to heal after the other relationship. If i had taken a bit more time to myself maybe we wouldn’t have parted. 

I like to see myself as a booster rocket for your voyage. I gave you a hard push to get you to where you want to be. You’re happy with yourself now. You feel great, having fun, making new memories with your friends. Being you. I love that you’re happy with yourself. I know you’ll be extraordinary general. I think it’s time to promote you to Chief. I’ll be here for you if you decide to land although, the universe is vast and there are tons of pockets full of life and new plants. I’ll build another ship to find you so we can find ourselves on another adventure. Sounds fun, two chiefs? It’d be a little confusing huh.

I’ll be a better person for sure, this has been a huge lesson for me as well. I am the problem and I am fixing it. I don’t want you to come back to a mess of a person again if you do. You sent me the tik tok of having a part of me with you right? Well I as well. I am basically a mold of you. Everything I say or do is still because of you. I am always reminded. I never liked musicals or going on walks, I didn’t have a style before but these grandpa sweaters hit different. I wasn’t into my spirituality as much, and i wasn’t as understanding either. There are some bad things that i picked up but thats okay, we all can’t be perfect. 

I hope time brings us together once again. I’ll be at your feet worshipping you for the rest of my life if i get the chance. 

We can fold laundry together, but by choice not because it’s our paycheck. 

I love you always and forever, even if you don’t. I’ll never be ashamed of having love for you. I’ll see your ship when i find it. 

[chososcamgirl]

HIHIHIHI IYAAA SOOOO I JUST CAME BACK FROM HANGING OUT W MY FRIENDSSS AND I DIDNT BUY ANYTHINGG (was gonna spend @ Sephora but ended up reasoning with myself and put everything away YAY ME) BUTTTTTT WE DID END UP WATCHING JOKER 2 SOO IM GONNA RANT ABT IT (to make up for the lost check ins) 😈

HOW WAS WORKK??? HOPE IT WAS VERY SKIBIDIIII!!! TELL ME ABTT IT SIGMA ALPHA IYA🐺💪‼️

I FORGOT IF I SENT MY ACTUALLY DAILY CHECK IN TODAY (I write them in my notes) SO TELL ME IF U DONT SEE IT AND ILL PASTE IT OVER TO TUMBLR (im pretty sure I did but I THINK I FORGOT TO TURN ON ANON SO IF I ACCIDENTALLY DID A BLOG REVEAL KEEP MY IDENTITY A MYSTERY 🤫 BUT TELL ME SO I CAN RESEND MY DAILY ASK) 

OMG I RENTED A POWERBANK AND ACCIDENTALLY BROUGHT IT BACK WITH ME… ITS NEARLY 12AM HERE SO I NEED TO GO BACK TMRW (im gonna get charged about like $40 SOMEONE SHOOT ME OMFG) AT LEAST I GET AN EXCUSE TO GO TO THE MALL TMRW THO?? 

ALSOOO I FOUND A STORE HIRING NEAR MY SCHOOLLLL I RLLY WANT TO GET A PART TIME SO I MIGHTTT CONSIDER IT BUT THEN I WOULD NEED TO FIND THE TIME TO ACTUALLY COMMIT IF I DO WANT TO PURSUE ITTTT

OMGROIGOJIOJIR REMEMBER HOW I MENTIONED I WRITE IN MY SLEEP?? TURNS OUT THAT LIKE A WEEK AGO.. I FELL ASLEEP WHILE DOING HOMEWORK AND STARTED WRITING ABOUT MY RACE IN MY SLEEP.. AND I DIDNT BOTHER TO CHECK IT WHEN I WOKE UP ON MY DESK IN THE MORNING SO I TURNED THAT SHIT IN WITHOUT NOTICING I RANTED ABOUT MY FUCKING RACE ON MY ASSIGNMENT…. MY TEACHER WAS SO FUCKING CONFUSED ON WHY I STATED I WASN’T WHITE ON MY PAPER AND TOLD ME THAT THEY THOUGHT I MIGHT OF BEEN HAVING PROBLEMS MENTALLY… THE FACT I HAD TO ADMIT IT WAS BECAUSE I WAS SLEEP WRITING??? IM GONNA END IT PLEASEEE THATS SO EMBARRASSINMGGGG IT WAS HELLA FUNNY THO.. I WOULD POST THE PICTUJRE BUT I CANT </3 CUS OF ANON *sighs* 

ITSSS SJAPP WEEKENDDDDDD IM SO EXCITED ITLL BE 5AM WHERE I LIVE SO THAT MEANS I GET TO WAKE UP TO A NEW CHAPTERRRR

SPOILER WARNING FOR JOKER 2 ‼️‼️

.

.

.

.

Okay I was a HUGE fan of the first movie which was why I was excited to see the second one with my friends but honestly… IT WAS SO ASSSSS

First, I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS GONNA BE A MUSICAL like I don’t mind musicals, they can be BANGERS and the first few songs were good BUT as the film progressed the songs just felt so unnecessary and awkward👿😭

UGHHHH OMFGGGG IM SOOOOO PISSED ABGT HOW DIRTY THEY DID MISS QUINN IN THE SEQUEL!!!! I LOVE HARLEY QUINN AND GAGA BUT LIKE HER BACKSTORY IN THIS MOVIE AND HER WHOLE PERSONALITY IS NOT ITTTTTT PLUSSS GAGA I LOVE UR VOICE BUT OMFGG I SWEAR THE SINGING WAS TOOOOO EXCESSIVE ARNTRJNSR THEY DID HER SOO DIRTYY.. GAGA WAS ROBBED.. SHE COULD HAVE BEEN SOOOO MUCH MORE BUT HER CHARACTER WAS JUST.. BLEH..

HONESTLY IF YOU TOOK OUT ALL THE MUSICAL FACTORS THEN THE MOVIE WOULD FEEL LIKE A 2HR LECTURE… AND THE RUN TIME??? TWO HRS IS INSANE FOR SUCH A PLOT 

THERE WERE NO PLANS OF A SEQUEL AND THEY SHOULD OF KEPTTT IT THAT WAYYY OMGGG THIS WAS SUCH AN OBVIOUS CASHGRAB.. THE FIRST ONE CLEARLY HAD PASSION, THIS ONE WAS JUST FOR MONEY THERES A REASON WHY THE RATING IS SO LOWWWWWW

STILL THO, THE MOVIE HAD GOOD SCENES AND ALL THE ACTORS HAD THEIR MOMENTS  .

.

. OKKKK HOPE YOU HAVE A VERY SIGMA NIGHT!!! SWEET DREAMS I LOVE YOU DAWG 💪🔥

- 🐺

HI ALPHA!!🐺

responding to ur most recent ask sent on saturday night hello‼️‼️‼️

IT SOUNDS LIKE YOU HAD FUN WITH UR FRIENDS!!! im glad🙂‍↕️ hanging out with ur friends always makes life better even if its for that moment it’s still very much worth it <33 HOORAY FOR REASONABLE SPENDING🎉🎉 u are stronger than me alpha.. sephora and i are in a current battle and i fear she’s winning😰

WORK THIS WEEK HAS BEEN SO GOOD!! i worked 4 days in a row all either opening or closing (or both) but they were all good shifts! i’m just very exhausted from this week though like mentally and physically😭 i slept most of the day away yesterday and im just trying to rest up again today because my throat is actually getting worse which KMS.

NO LMFAO UR FINE!! if u do happen to reveal urself don’t worry i’ll keep it a secret 🤫🤫🤐 WHAT? $40 OH MU GOD what the fuck that is SO EXPENSIVE TO RETURN IT i would just keep it at that point.. but atleast it’s another excuse to go to da mall🤗🙂‍↕️ YIPEE! oooo job searching! that’s exciting. though part time is a big commitment just bc you can’t change ur hours once it’s set in place but if you want to apply for it then i say go for it!! as long as u have the time for it 100%!!

OH MY GOD😭😭 NOT ON THE HOMEWORK TOO PLS that actually made me giggle please. don’t worry abt it though i’ve seen worse!! sleep writing is a talent that u should not be embarrassed abt, you’re good‼️🙂‍↕️

IVE HEARD SO MANY BAD REVIEWS ABOUT THE MOVIE LIKE the fact that they break out into song randomly etc😭 i wanted to watch it but the reviews are making me rethink spending $15 on a movie ticket… ill probably not watch it and watch the substance instead (apparently that’s fucked) BUT ILL LYK!!!

THANK YOU ALPHA!! I HOPE YOU HAVE A VERY SIGMA DAY‼️ ILY🫵🫂

[fraener]

9/7/24

if i had the time to write, i would have. this past month was one of the hardest ive gone through. i didnt have a day off since before my last entry in here. im listening to stefans piano music in bed now, had dinner, painted for the first time in a really, really long time. it didnt give me the same level of enjoyment as it used to but i think id like to start doing that again every day. i had to leave work early today because my period finally came with a terrible vengance, 20 days late. the stress of the move nearly killed me i think. i lost even more weight im pretty sure, ive never been this thin. im going to try and get my thyroid tested again because im getting very worried about it. h told me he felt like i criticized him too much and was so ungrateful for all his help moving. i am not allowed to have any feelings about what happened in front of him because he feels this way. i told him he was right so hed stop yelling at me. its just yet another thing i cannot rely on him for or trust him for, i dont feel like i ever want to ask his help for anything ever again, at least not that big of a thing. it just doesnt seem like a good idea anymore and im almost glad i never let go of my suspicions around it. im too depressed to really be disappointed or saddened by it. this is just what relationships turn into for me, a strange dance of self suppression when faced with the continuous obstacle of being something foreign and unordinary in the face of what the other person wants and expects. i feel like im speaking a different language to most people. i feel so extant and as i get older it becomes less and less surprising that i feel that way. i wonder what would have happened had i been ordinary or had a shot at seeing the world in an ordinary way. i dont really think i have it in me to keep trying to find someone who will see me and understand me and love me for what and who i am. maybe thats a good thing. i dont really know. i want to lean into my uncommonness again. i am unloveable in my uncommonness, i think, but strong in it. tomorrow i think id like if i am able to go and paint on the hill above the bay and watch the little sailboats go by. for the first time in a long time im feeling reasons to return to myself rather than turn away. what am i here for? what do i like to do? i want to paint, i want to watch other people enjoy learning something new, i want to be included in or witness to someones passions, i want to find my friendship in the nonhuman again. i miss rosie so much. i miss all the animals i cant talk to anymore like ed and zoey. at least rosies still alive. and gigi is too, and tally. so many friends of mine are so far away now. learning over and over that i am so terribly lonely here! i think maybe im beyond sad about h. this hasnt been a very good relationship but i havent been well or strong or brave enough to end it even when its really bad or even when its not so aggressively bad but just so bald faced in its discrepancies that it doesnt make any sense to keep going. for some reason i keep going. for love or habit i do not know. i dont feel loveless like i did with m but i dont feel like the love is enough most days. im tired of writing in my journal about him. i want him to matter less in some ways, maybe just matter less in the darker matters of the heart. i saw o's play and we spent some time together. theyre so magical and i can see so pure as day why we didnt work out. exactly what i admire about them is the thing i cannot stand! funny how it works sometimes. im glad to see them a little again, a year from when we did last. always the end of summer with that one. i miss my apartment, my new house is quiet but lonely without my ghosts. the fellow above the doorframe threw the picture one last time at h while he was scolding me which was really funny but a bit naughty. not that h would know or understand necessarily. yes, tired and lonely. one day soon maybe ill feel a bit better, or at the very least, different.

[drop--pop--candy]

GAAHHHH it was really silly of me to ask what music you like. it literally slipped my mind that your url is a vocaloid song. i guess i asked because there are so many vocaloid songs, and so many different vibes and sounds, the vocaloid music one likes could differ greatly from that of another. i *do* listen to vocaloid, surprisingly & embarrassingly sparingly, as i'm a proseka fan. but do rule out your prsk-only mutuals. hmm...to give you a hint, my favorite units are mmj and niigo. i have a project sekai url, but i don't talk about it much nowadays >_> mostly because my ipad—what i play on—is on the fritz, and i plan on saving up to buy a new one so i can both play and draw digitally. it has been so saddening, not being able to do either of those things 。゜゜(´Ｏ`) ゜゜。in terms of proseka characters, you give me saki vibes ! she and shiho are my faves from leoni ♪

drop pop candy is such a cute song! and it's clearly very special to you. i remember listening to it for the first time in an undertale animation on youtube. i think my first vocaloid song was triple baka. i also like a wide range of styles, but i, too, love upbeat and energetic songs like you do. i won't right now because in my last ask i recommended you a whole album, but i'll make sure to send over some energetic kpop songs i think you'll like at some point ♡

CHICKEN TENDERS IS CRAZY LOL & it makes for a very funny story, if i do say so myself! the sugar bit is very telling. it's like i can smell and taste them myself just from the way you described it. do you remember what song you were listening to, or has it since slipped your mind? even if your synesthesia is mild, i still think it's cool! does drop pop candy smell like anything to you?

re: your tags I DO THE SAME THING. emojis, kaomojis & emoticons are perfect punctuation ^^ especially in online spaces, i think. i don't use kaomojis a lot in text because they're a hassle to copy and paste, but i love simple emoticons like :3 and ^_^ as well as emojis. also, it's easy to break up separate thoughts into several messages 🌸

+ the game is on !!!!! yay ! i'll be looking out for yellow hearts in my inbox, then. i'm trying to think of hints that don't make my identity obvious LOL. let's seeee...there aren't any dashes in my url & my favorite sanrio character is kuromi.

one last note: you're not the only person who assigned me leafeon via that game :> my friend reblogged with the tag "im breaking molds im shattering expectations . leafeon" which made me laugh a little to myself. everyone else mostly says sylveon!

i'll make sure to drink some water today ૮₍ ´ ꒳ `₎ა you have a nice morning/afternoon/evening yourself . ݁₊ ⊹ . ݁˖ . ݁

♡, sylvie

OOOOOH okay!!! maybe ill make a list of all the hints i have of u some day :3 (maybe ill do it in the tags? idk)

i have been told i give saki vibes lol she was actually my pfp before i made my blog mirabelle themed ☆w☆ i love her a lot!! she's one of my favorite characters from any piece of media ever so i'm glad people compare me to her :D

i do remember what song triggered the chicken tender thing!! it was empurple, the new mafuyu commission. i'm in a bunch of project sekai servers so people were posting it everywhere right after it came out and on my very first listen i was immediately hit with a wave of Very Specific smell. it was super weird!! because up to that point i hadn't really experienced any bouts of synthesasia that weren't subtle enough to just write off as "my brain playing tricks on me" or something similar @-@

drop pop candy smells like cotton candy!! but it doesn't TASTE like cotton candy, it tastes like,,, birthday cake flavoring? i think that's it. kinda hard to tell it's just Really Sweet

yea!!! on discord i usually use server emojis or just send separate messages but you can't do that when replying to an ask so i just use faces :3

the game is afoot!! i'll add those clues to my mental box of em >:D

oo! i was not expecting that someone else would pick leafeon :o guess i am also breaking molds and expectations HAJSGSHSHD

i will have a nice evening!! i hope u do as well :DDD

[shortnsweetgf]

hello! i was bored so i came on your blog because it is very entertaining haha (i am a new anon! not any of the ones you've gotten before)

ooh i saw you like everywhere everything all at once! i love that movie too <3 it made me laugh so much the first time i watched it LOLL

also here's something crazy about me, i have never had scones ☠️ i am just telling you this because i told one of my friends today and they were like WHAT ARE YOU CRAZY?

also, im sorry the nail polish anon got you stressed i hope you feel better and whoever is behind it stops!

anyways, how's your day going? did you eat? did you drink enough water? and lastly, did you get your daily dose of i love you? if not, i love you!

-🐞

hiii! im so glad my blog entertained you nsdjcsdbj

that movie was my whole personality for a few months after i watched it hsjbfncdbshjcdbh

i... have also never had a scone. i dont really know what they are honestly.

they seem to have stopped, thankfully!! kinda wish i knew who they are and what they were trying to accomplish with those anons but oh well guess i'll never know

day's been okay. i went to the eye doctor and now im trying to work but i have a headache so im just sitting here pretending to do stuff. i did eat (full meal too!!!! first time in a while that happened) and i drank a lot of water but this just reminded me to go get more cause my bottle is over. i love you! did you eat?

[bittertarot]

Plzzz you’re even more sweet omg😭 I was anon before the anon you replied to about the fs dream (I had similar to experience of relationship-not as much but ofc that broke my heart in a way that I didn’t know it could be broke. But like you said yours was like a leason, I believe mine was too bcuz it really boosted me into the person I am today honestly. Truly thankful for it💞)

Also both you and the anons dreams are so interesting bcuz I never had a dream like that before except recently with me and my online friend(I cal her my twin and honestly think she’s my soulmate ngl). Lemme tell you. I had a dream that I went over to her house as if I lived very close to her or smth and we were giggling and laughing and just having fun (besides her dad bcuz her dad in the dream didn’t seem to like that😒). BUT GET THIS-Like a few weeks later, she had the SAME dream but it was her pov and she came to my house as if she lived like down the street. She told me that we were talking about ateez concert and I told her that my mom would never let me go, but was like “noo I can convince her”…oh goodness it was hard at first bcuz my mom had THE stoic face but eventually was like “sure” (all this was VERY vivid and realistic for the both of us).

But I remembered smth while I was reading the fs dreams and I want to seem if I’m not going crazy or anything. Even though this was a while ago, I’m wondering again. One night while I was sleeping, my vision was black at first but then slowly I felt myself being cradled(?) like someone was holsing me in in their arms and my upper body across their lap. I would say it was comforting but it honestly did freak me out a little bcuz slowly a fuzzy blue outline of someone being held in someone’s arms. The person was speaking but usually when this happens while I’m sleeping, my hearing can only pick up little to no words. I was definitely awake but I wasn’t awake yk? I was wondering if that was my fs or spirit guide? I’m mostly confused bcuz at that time, I would have “visits” while I would sleep. Literally spirits or whatever coming to me and telling me this and that. Who they are and sometimes showing me a very old photo of them😭 besides that, I was wondering if you can intuitively pick up who the person holding me was?

I wrote way more than intended😭 and I would love to message you but i honestly don’t know what I would say dhvjfh

(Oh P.S Im somewhat going into business too and want to become a businesswoman, so I’ll keep what you said in mind if I don’t forget hfhhi🫶🫶💞)

Mann, your vibes are strangely positive in a familiar but also non-familiar way?? Just very warm energy! Consider me as an older sister and listen to me when I tell you all this; RELATIONSHIPS ARE SO DIFFICULT! However, the lessons you learn from them are so valuable. Just remember; never feel afraid to leave someone, even if it's a life lesson, you need to leave someone you feel is hurting you in any way or upsets you. Prioritize YOU, not your relationships. I'm glad you were thankful for the lessons you got out of it and were able to see the sun hiding behind the storm clouds <3 I find dreams and interpreting them very interesting, because they can mean so many different things. I believe dreams all happen for a reason - that they're not just "manifestation of our desires". There is definitely more to it than that, in my opinion! Hm, platonic soulmates are a thing, too! So, bare that in mind. But those dreams sound really sweet, I definitely think a platonic soulmate thing could be going on here? I don't know enough to be 100% certain on that, so take it with a grain of salt. If you feel a pull towards her romantically, don't be afraid to pursue that connection. It could easily lead to good things, new opportunities, prosperity, a life lesson, etc. Having the same dreams shows that you 2 probably, mutually, spend a lot of time thinking about one another. Having the same dream as well could consider that as the future? It could potentially be something that ACTUALLY happens, especially since it felt vivid/real for you both. You're not going crazy, I promise. Last night, I couldn't sleep, so my FS just hugged me and rubbed my back. He woke me up when my body was overheating/I was sweating, so I could drink water and change sides of my bed before I felt his energy hugging me to sleep again. He teases me loads, but he's very caring. I tend to converse with his energy when he seems to be in a good mood, with tarot cards when his mood seems a bit more down? Either way, he was in a good mood so I was able to talk to him a lot. The words they're saying may not be something you literally hear, but if you feel / "hear" random words in your head that don't feel like your own thoughts, it's probably theirs. I have that sometimes, it feels awkward, so I occasionally ask his energy to go to my friend so she can rely his messages to me - so it feels more like an actual conversation than me having a conversation in my own head. Intuitively, I'd say the energy holding you, from what I felt intuitively, was your FS. I pulled cards and got The Lovers and Page of Cups. Definitely FS, imo !! They seemed a bit shy? Like, the cards took a while to fall out by themselves to I pulled the Lovers from the top of the deck till Page of Cups suddenly fell out once I pulled the Lovers. It's okay, feel free to write as much as you'd like !! This is a safe space, no one will judge you for what you say, what you write, etc. I get that and completely understand don't feel any pressure. If you decide to, just a simple "hi, I'm the anon that sent in this ask" with the link would work just fine !! I may take a bit to respond since sleep, classes, etc, but I'll do so ASAP !! Ah, having more business buddies would be really nice !! I look forward to meeting you at some point (hopefully) if it's meant to be, I shall leave it all to divine timing <3 Also, random update on my FS; He's become so bold?? I realised my upper lip was super swollen randomly during my first class and he was just nodding when I asked if he did it. Then, at the top of my chest area, I saw a little swollen red mark and asked him again if it was his doing. Asshole's energy had the BALLS to start whistling and to just leave?? I was thankful that the chest one wasn't noticeable unless I wear a tank top but wtf do I do about the swollen lip !!

[celiastjamesoscar]

love i found out what happened with my poor ankle (i think)

so i slept at my friends last night and she told me that i split off from the group with two others while we were being chased by someone dressed as leatherface who chased us with a fucking chainsaw and i tripped over so they had to run back for me 😭

also i just woke up anyway to see a message from my mum congratulating me on some kind of new anniversary shes only just decided to celebrate after 3years of it happening of me coming out to her ?! when i was 15 i went to a party on bonfire night and kissed a girl for the first time, i went home that night and came out to my mum while drunk ugly crying and luckily she was supportive :)

im going to bonfire night today so hopefully no crying but lots of kissing girls 😼

You were being chased by a chainsaw?!?! I feel like we are being a bit too calm about that part, even if it is all fake 😭 I’m glad that they went back for you, or else I would be having a very stern talk with them! But being for real, I hope your ankle heals up nicely <3

your mom is actually the best, and it makes me so happy to hear that is so supportive of you <3 the fact that she even remembered the day and sent you an anniversary reminder is so sweet of her!! She sounds like she is an amazing woman

Have fun at the bonfire love! I hope you pull all kinds of women!! 🤍 I’m secretly jealous of you but it’s okay <3

[mabahongkamay]

Journal Entry #1 - Thinking out loud

A friend suggested that I should start writing in a journal and so I thought why not give it a try? Does an online blog work? lol

I always thought that I was good at communicating how I feel however, the past few months made me realize I keep a lot to myself and because of that, I often catch having conversations with myself or an imaginary version of who I wanted to talk to about a certain situation. Am I crazy?

The reason I started my journal today is that my worth was questioned a few times over the weekend. Who am I to my family? to my friends? to people that I've known since I was a teenager? to those I just met within the last few years? Each one of them has their version of me and who that person is in their lives. How does my narrative go? Which of my trait were present in all of them? Is there any truth to some? Most importantly, will they ever forget him?

I found out today that I am not credible to a family member because of my education level and the job positions I've worked before can't compare to theirs. Sure they're in a position of power because of what they've accomplished in life but does it mean that I can't be respected? Because I am in a new field of work they are allowed to make me feel little?

On the other side of the spectrum of worthiness, a sweet innocent little moment with my godson can temporarily fill that empty void in my soul. I manage to be present at all his milestones and Im glad that he remembers me being a part of it. Out of curiosity, I asked him what his first memory of me and his answer caught me off, guard. He said, "I just remember that I really, really, really, love you." and it came with a big hug. It was such a simple explanation that was worth more than I can ever imagine and something I thought I would never hear.

Will tender love be enough to keep me out of the dark? or will I let others with status dictate my path to spiraling? I was told that I boasted too much but also was put down for not talking enough. Which version Do I need to be to please everyone? I guess we'll continue and see how the rest of the journal entries moving forward

[keepthesethoughtsinsideyou]

2/25/2023

So this is probably an awful idea. But when you were getting married and then having your honeymoon, i wrote letters to you. that i didnt send to you. i think i only had 3 or 4 days worth of them. But I have no clue when i will ever speak to you again. And like, speak speak. Not some short text. I'm very torn on everything. my heart, is shattered. truly. But you know. At least I have to think you know. Maybe you have like, been able to trick yourself into thinking i never cared. or idk. i just dont know Courtney. I am sorry that i felt this was planned. you did admit it was, after comparing me to Chad first of course. But planned in that, yo. i cant take this. its fair and justified. Maybe the Chad comparison was fair too. idfk. It also makes me hate myself more than I ever thought I could. i have been crying so much today that i have no concept of time. I am glad that at least you have had a wonderful Saturday. Out of town with a friend. Seeing a hopefully enjoyable movie. I was left to morn my dead Dad and now the most important relationship ive ever had. idk if youll ever read or see any of these. And christ i dont want to come off bitter or angry. or anything. I know that i hurt you already. fuck. i hurt you so much that you were like, peace dude. im just, shocked? i dont get how we are video chatting and opening gifts and i bought a hotel for us. To meet up in a crazy thing where I had no plan as to HOW things were gonna work. But my love and need to see you bypassed any real worries. It's crazy how this relationship brought that out of me. I think looking back at things, I was still a bit of a stick in the mud comparably. But you definitely brought something out of me that was crazy and off the cuff. I liked it. I wish i could save things. I wish this was like that early time when you broke things off and then like 2 days later came back and said you couldnt be without me. I'm not religious but I am hoping there are some sort of synchronicities or coincidences that send you back to me. I didnt expect you to not break up with me just because it was my dead father''s birthday. That would be manipulative. You broke up with me just the other day and I cant even tell you WHY. I remember alot of you telling me how YOU had negatively effected my life. And i deserved better and whatever. But i just wanted you. I told my mom that I have never loved someone like i loved you, and I never will again. I didnt know I was capable of love like this. I wont ever find it again. This message sucks cause its all over the place and im not making much sense or keeping a consistent tone. the barbed comments I would make. Back handed shit. god, they are all i can fucking think about. I cant imagine how differently things wouldve been if you hadnt immediately started having sex with new people. my brain just cant Courtney. How can you love me, want a future with me, want children, a home. But then as soon as you are single, its not me. Its not me at all. It's someone else. It really fucked with my head. And honestly, i just think I am a square. I have never hooked up with anyone in my life. I have only had sex with people I had relationships with. And the concept of sex outside of that is not only unappealing to me, but kind of grosses me out. Thats for me. I get people are into their own things and I dont judge. But being faced by someone who can say all this lovey dovey bs to me, and go fuck another man. And theres no connection? its just sex? whats the big deal? well, thats where my brain goes insane. I've never felt good enough or worthy of you. And for you to immediately shack up with someone NOT me while saying different things to me, it really fed into that insecurity. But thats me right? its MY insecurity. So who would you be to respect or acknowledge that. You are a young single woman who can finally go out and experiment and find yourself. Neither me or anyone else should stand in your way of that. But god dammit did it break my heart. And your ability to seemingly never think of me and my feelings just solidified mentally that i was not good enough. i was not worthy. and maybe worst of all, I was not your first choice. i lashed out with my words. my tone. things i said. how i said that. ugh. i wish...i wish i couldve just been your supportive friend. YASSS QUEEN! GO EAT SOME PUSSY! there are moments when i can be cool. But the uncool version of me surfaced his ugly head far more often as more of your experimentation took off. It just blows because, this only got bad once this started. Prior to that, i feel like things were wonderful. But i am probably sugarcoating things post mortem. i regret ever telling you i had bipolar disorder. i regret ever telling you about my anxiety disorder. Because in breaking up with me, they were both brought up. Negative is negative though. Just sucks feeling like you arent good enough from the get go and then being made to feel like you are broken and needing fixing. I dont know alot of people who would be okay with the love of their life fucking other people. Especially when that same person has told you they want you over anyone. But then when you try to plan a future together, those conversations go nowhere. So idk. Too much too soon I guess. I know that no matter what negative things i may think of the situation, I know I am at fault. I couldnt handle the pressure of being with a poly person. And I especially couldnt handle it when it seemed like the plans to experiment and have sex with other people superseded our plans that we talked about of a future together. But as i said, I know i am wrong. I am the villain. I think of some of the things i said to you in the days following you telling me Andi was coming there to get a hotel so you 2 could fuck. And christ. my tone. the meanness. i know i can change. i know it. maybe you'll change too? But maybe some of your negative qualities will change in your period of experimenting. who knows? all i know is each hour that passes and I cant talk to you breaks my soul. as much as I am sure you would prefer me checking my insurance to see if i could get therapy and medicated, i am afraid i am looking into seeing if it will cover me committing myself. Because I am genuinely unsure how i can go on. All i can think about is taking a bunch of Ativan and walking out into the woods and falling asleep and never waking up. Which in my present state I can realize is not good. The issue is, between the hotel i JUST bought us Thursday, and the hotel I bought us for your visit here in April, that's over $900 i charged that's non refundable. If I commit myself, I will lose my job. Outside of hotel money, i am just in debt in general too. So i feel so fucking stuck. None of this matters though. I just want you back. I don't care about money. I don't care about who else you have sex with. i just want my angel back. i can and will change. And I am TERRIFIED because per you,  you are a serial monogamous relationship person. I want to change so you will love me again. I want to change so you can feel comfortable with your heart with me. But what if it takes to long? And you're already on to the next one? idfk. But my soul is crushed and i feel like giving up. I'm back to where I was before we met. The difference is now i have the pain and grief of losing my cosmic lover. My partner the universe brought into my life. How does one cope with such a loss? How does one live knowing they lost a love that was unlike anything they've ever experienced. I don't know. i do not want to live a life without you in it. 

[marcholasmoth]

OSRR: 3050

today was a good day.

i worked with nancy on biology for several hours and was welcomed to stay for the kiddo's birthday party in the evening, and it was pretty awesome.

if i could've picked a family to join as an adult, simply to be a part of because i love the dynamic, it would be nancy's family. big room, big family, lots of noise and laughter and joy, lots of food and flavor and surprise at (1) the fact i had had fufu before, (2) i was willing to try anything, and (3) i liked spicy food ("hey, i'm white, but i'm not THAT white."). it was honestly a wonderful thing. birthdays in this large african family are joyous and happy occasions. it was awesome. and i helped decorate for christmas!

i have the kids instructions on how to put up the lights on the tree and told them to get me when they reached the top part because i'm a lot taller than they are. they're kids, it makes sense lmao. also the bulbs that nancy had gotten didn't have hooks, so i went and grabbed the fabric and craft supplies from my car and i made small strips to be tied onto the bulb loops so they could be hung on the tree. the kids put up the ornaments. they were all very patient and kind.

there was one kiddo who i don't think i'd met before, but he saw me at the table and came over and gave me a hug! i think it might've been because it turns out i look a decent amount like his mom, so i could've been related and he just didn't remember. but he was so sweet! all of the kids were just adorable and happy and kind and i love all of them. the adults were so fun. they're silly and i have the perfect gift idea for nancy's husband for christmas, so i'm gonna go find a pack of different kinds of pepper relishes because he likes spicy foods. "here is a little bit of weird white new england people culture, have hot sauce" which is objectively a hysterical thing to say to anyone, but it's even funnier because why does new england, a very white place, have hot sauce culture.

it's so funny to me.

anyway, the kiddo loved her gifts. she kind of got a new wardrobe and she got some sick kicks, and the reversible octopi and fidget zipper bag i got her went over really well with everyone. i'm glad that she asked me to stay. i was like "well i don't have any plans," so she said "i'll ask my mom!! can molly stay??" "okay, as long as she is not busy" "okay! can you stay???" "yeah, i'd be happy to." "YES"

she told me a few times that she was glad i could stay. i'm glad i could stay, too. she's a good kid. she comes from a good family, so i'm not surprised one bit.

when i got home, around 8:35pm (i made it to nancy's a little before noon and left a little before 8pm), i talked to my momma and we worked on decorations and sorting things that we have. i ended up not being able to get rid of any of the old bows that we have. we do certain themes most years, and one year we did blue and silver and i put tiny bows on the tree and on all of the other green decorations, so there were like 30 still sitting around, and i could not for the life of me even contemplate throwing them out for longer than half a second. i couldn't do it. they have feelings. they would be so sad if i had to throw them out. and that would make me sad, and i would cry about it for a week. so i flattened the bows and put them in a different bag so they were stored neatly. i couldn't even get rid of the tinsel that was wound into some of them - they were friends, and i couldn't do that to them. the tinsel needed to stay. they would've been sad if they had to be separated. so i didn't separate them.

it's exhausting when everything has feelings that you need to consider. jesus.

anyway, im tired but i got some research done today. tomorrow i'm gonna write a bunch. time to get ready for disaster.

and joel. joel, my beloved. i asked him if he needed anything when i left nancy's this evening. but he sent me links about dice?? which are really pretty but i didn't get to look at really because i've been busy today. i kinda miss my joel. and by "kinda" i mean i do. very much.

i simply wish for a hug. merp.