#and im fucking ao tired
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buddies it is 2.16 in the dark outside and I am so tired but I am a soft squishy bed person and this is a hardwood floor
#nutpost#and im fucking#i am in pain#my body hurts#and i am in a foreign place so i cant pop a melatonin#and i got really good sleep last night so my body is like uhm are you sure we need this?#and im kinda pissed and hurt#and im fucking ao tired#and it is hot in here#even though the ac unit says its 64 degrees (she is so confused)#and i dont have ny usual ocean noises i sleep with#and i dont have ny weighted blanket#and i am literall distressed to the 9s rn#also people literally dont reblog posts on tunblr anymore its kinda annoying#like i make a cool little art post and it gets likes not reblogs#i make little silly trxt posts and it gets llikes no reblogs#irritatinf#also the fuckin#the bird#there is a bird#and it has things to say#and the room is too dark#and i cannot stress this enoygh#the floor is HARD#i am a SOFT bed person#i sleep on my SIDE#and my stomach too#i am so so uncomfy and it is just making the pain worse#i literally an going ti start killing#its 2.20 now
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THE SIBLINGS ARE REAL!!!!!!! Cladis & Labrynthos are twins, Ividia is the middle child and Selenite is the youngest.
Under the cut are some facts about my Camur species and these 4 characters ^-^
Starting off with some Camurcorn and Camuralatus facts!
Camurs are giant beasts that bear resemblances to wild hogs and horses. They have one set of giant tusks on their bottom jaw. I don't have a ref sheet for them yet 8(
CAMURCORNS
(This ref sheet is a liiiiiitle bit outdated, I didn't feel like redrawing it for this post. Maybe another time!)
Camurcorns are a subspecies of the animal; Camur. Camurs do not have horns, only tusks, while their subspecies the Camurcorn do have horns as well as tusks.
These horns aren't purely aesthetic. They can help Camurcorns harness magic to their beings. Their horns, as well as their tusks, can do this. No Camurcorn is naturally able to harness magic right away, they need to study it and practice as would anyone else creating a new skill.
Camurcorns have very rough, thick fur that keeps them warm during the winter, fall and early spring. They have thinner, coarser summer coats. Camurcorns are the most proficient in magic harnessing compared to Camurs and Camuralati.
Camurcorns' diets are omnivorous; they will eat anything and anyone that they can (besides other Camurs.) This includes and isn't limited to elk, deer, horses, goats, large birds, fish, and even sometimes bears if they come across one. They will also tear bark off of trees and eat the meat of them if they taste sweet enough. They will eat fruits off trees in the valley during late summer, too.
CAMURALATUS
(plural: CAMURALATI)
(These ref sheets are also outdated, im sorry馃挃)
The winged variant subspecies of the Camur species. They coexist and even work in tandem with their Camurcorn siblings. Sometimes they will aid in hunts by being scouts in the skies for Camurcorns (they also hunt with one another this way, too.)
They have plenty of feathers spread across their body, mostly found on their chest, legs, face and wings. This helps keep them warm when they're up in the air.
Camuralati are capable of harnessing magic as Camurcorns, it just takes them more dedication and practice to do so.
Camuralati share nearly the exact same diet as Camurcorns, only they are willing to eat carrion, while Camurcorns refuse to. They also tend to eat more birds, being in the skies a good part of their day after all.
Camuralati will lock tusks together during flight as a way to court one another, very similar to how bald eagles do the Devil's Cartwheel as a courting "dance".
Okay with those species facts out of the way, here's some stuff about my main 4!
Cladis
Cladis is the biggest of all 4, but is like a gentle giant. He helps out with heavy workloads.
He likes to play musical instruments. He and Ividia sometimes hang out together; she sings, Cladis plays.
Cladis is very studious. He and Labrynthos study transmutation and mineral based magic together when they're not helping their parents with chores.
Labrynthos
Labrynthos is extremely stubborn and doesn't admit he's wrong easily, which can make him irritating to work with.
He likes to draw and write, but he won't be showing anyone what he creates, though. He's too shy when it comes to vulnerable things such as that.
Labrynthos, his father, and Ividia are usually the ones going out hunting and bringing back meat for everyone else to enjoy.
Selenite
Selenite likes to go for walks around the forests edge, it helps ease his anxiety, he also likes to forage while on those walks.
He's a mama's boy, especially growing up he was spoiled by her, but not to the point where he developed an entitled mindset. (The other three are also close with their mom, Selenite just has a special kind of connection with her)
Selenite can use lightning magic, which makes his coat and mane all frazzled when he does. Sometimes, his crippling anxiety offsets sparks from his tusks.
Ividia
Ividia is headstrong and hot-headed, which results in explosive anger fits when she's enraged. When she's calm, she's actually really chill to be around, and she cares deeply about her friends and family. She's very loyal to them.
She takes charge of difficult situations and works well under pressure, she will be snappy about it but she can get shit done while she's doing it.
Ividia can wield fire magic! No, it does not hurt her or catch her on fire. It bursts from her tusks. Ividia uses this ability to perform controlled burns surrounding her village's area to prevent nasty wildfires.
#barbas' ocs#barbas' camurs#barbas' art#oc: cladis#oc: labrynthos#oc: selenite#oc: ividia#i spent forever on these#originally drew them back in september of last year when i was dying from covid#finally revisited them over the last two days and redid them#tweaked the sketches a lil#redid the colours and coat patterns#and then made all of their canvases rhe same dimensions (mistake i made of not doing that right off the bat)#aaaaaamd now we are here#spent an hour on this post bc im so tired snd its 2 am as in writing this#cant wajt to see this posted jn 10 hours yippeee yipppee yippeee i worked so hard on them#labrynthos ividia and selenite are all 12 years old this year holy snap!!!#cladis is 9#still old !!!!!!!!#need to draw their original designs and compare them to their current ones <333#okay thats enoguh yappage for tonigjt im ao fucking tored. goodnight forever
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Thinking abt AOS Jim being protective of McCoy every time he remembers the torpedo incident from into darkness.
#mckirk#star trek aos#leonard bones mccoy#james kirk#like after ID happens and hes recovering from undeath he remembers the fact he almost lost mccoy bcs#of those stupid torpedos. and leonard is already so stressed abt space and walking into danger n hes just like#i am never letting him out of my reach again. i almost lost him.#despite. yk. dying himself#anytime mccoys on a planetside mission that goes wrong and jims not with him? hes anxious as fuck#and is the first one to be there when they're beamed back up#etc etc#im tired as fuck rn so i dont have the mental capacity to elaborate much on this#just#many thoughts abt them
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I just need some fucking good news. I'm tired of mourning. I'm tired of having to put my entire fucking life on hold. I miss the person I used to be and I honestly feel like I'll never be that person again
#if we go into another pandemic i honestly dont know what ill do#trump wont do a fucking thing#and people are ao exhausted of covid that theyll never go back to taking precautions#im so tired#personal#delete later
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#delete later#wildly embarrassing meeting today where managers brought up concerns about my work and i had to explain that i cant get my#shit together bc my ocd is being a bitch and i can't think properly. and nearly cried multiple times so thats. embarrassing. and now#i am actually crying bc i cant do shit right atm anf its so frustrating ao so frustrating#fuck im tired of it all. they were so nice aboit it evej though i know ive pissed them off and made them frustrated.#i feel shitty bc it feels like ibe just given an excuse as to why they cant be angry at me when they absolutely should be#but im also terrified of them being angry at me so maybe i dud just use it as an excuse and am terrible and shitty#all while knowing FULL WELL that im feeling like this BC im in an ocd episode and moral scrupulosity is a part of my ocd#its this intense BC my ocd is not great atm. its so frustrating abd exhausting and makes me want to scream. and i know that ive#slipped backwards in terms of my skills. i fycking hate it. i hate it.#i just feel useless atm. and it's miserable. and im making things harder for other ppl and that makes me worse than useless#but at the same time i know why i feel like this and why i cant operate how i usually do but that just makes me more angry
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I don't want to keep doing this anymore.
#Cade.Vnt#i dont want to keep fighting for the rest of my life. i dont want to do glthis anymore.#i am ao fuckijg tired. i wanna curl inro a ball n rot away.#i wanna give up ao fucking bad. i dontvwant to keep going i wanna lay down n rot.#i hate tgis country.#i just wanna lay here.#i should sleep but my body hurts.#dontvmind mw im just dealinf w a lot of realizations due to tgis Shit.
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y'know. it really sucks to feel yourself back-sliding, mentally, when you know you've been doing pretty alright for a while
#i can feel it coming scoob. frankly i think it may already be here.#i am always so tired. frustrated. having really fun mood swings.#and my job is deeply taxing and deeply stressful. ao i never get any fucking reprieve.#and i literally don't have the energy to care for myself at home reliably.#so my whole fuckin day got ruined today bc my landlord visited with some people to measure the place.#and i spent hours cleaning. and he ended the call by trlling me my apartment was dirty.#so. i cried. bc i have no emotional resilience anymore on account of the constant stress#and then i cut someone off in traffic today despite trying really hard to Not do that#but despite checking my mirrors and blind spot 4 times i still managed it!#and they sped past me. so i screamed at them from the safety of my car with the windows rolled up.#and then immediately burst into uncontrollable tears that lasted the better part of 30 min#and nearly made me puke.#so now. i am hollowed-out and exhausted. just barely making it through.#and i can feel how close the absolute meltdown is. and i can't fuckin do anything about it bc i can't miss work! fuck!#it's been an exceptionally stressful two weeks and I've had it. but we keep trucking i guess.#idk im sad and frustrated and just going through it rn. and it sucks bc i remember being happy.#and i'm just not anymore.#i ramble#sorry this was long and rambly and unasked for i'm just having a really really bad day#and will be having them every day until at least august!
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pulling all nighters every day to fix my sleep schedule is so actually awful they should just let me reverse my body clock at will cus at this point I'm always 12 hours inverted for at least half of every year. why does god hate me
#pk.text#its been a problem for years#at least half of the time my sleep schedule is ao fucked to the point i go to bed at noon and wake up in the early evening#if i try and sleep when im tired at night#my body for some reason only sleeps a few hours#if i go to bed at midnight i will wake up at 4am and not be able to go back to sleep 90% of the time#this makes me tired earlier in the day and I risk falling asleep in the afternoon#and then wake up at 9pm and just get further offset#until im going to bed at 10am#only then do i sleep more than 5 hours#melatonin doesnt help much#on the occasion it makes me sleepy i just sleep too long and am a zombie the following day cus it makes me so sluggish and hazy#other times i get no effect#grahhhh i need to talk to my doctor about this again now that i have my insurance back
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I'm literally about to start killing people I.
I literally cant stand for more than 5 minutes at a time without feeling like I'm going to pass out and I cant sit down because I'm at work and my boss who isnt even here but supposedly watches us through cameras at home wont let us sit while we're working and I cant just go home early because there's only 1 other person in the store and they drove me here
AND I have to go to night classes later and I have to work on my stupid final project that's due tomorrow-
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When you are on your period, have 4 exams in 2 days, you are on the brink of a breakdown, and then the fucking mosquitos keep you up at night.
#i swear to god rhese mosquitos are not normal#nothing works#nets pesticides electric lights i've tried so many things#I don't even understand where they come from I haven't gone outside in days and I didnt even open the window bc i didn't want then to get in#and still I smashed FOUR today#and still as soon as I go to bed i have a mosquito flying in my ear#and it disappears as soon as I turn the light on#and it goes on for hours#and hours#into the night#until I manage to kill it or give up and go to sleep but then get woken up every hour by the fucking mosquito and wake up covered in bites#im ao fucking tired
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#it would actually be really really nice to have someone take care of me in a positive way#not a guilt trippy manipulative shaming way like my parents or a way where it's held over you#like im TIRED. being Steong is fucking exhausting. what if i want someone to hold me nourish me oh ao so gently like a baby bunny?#what if i don't want to do it myself???? it's always ''you have to be the person you never had as a child''#I DON'T WANT TO BE#i want to be genuinely cared for for fucking once
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I
FUXKING
HATE
MY
LKFE
#ok ok so idk how american or other schools in general function#but here we grade tests w numbers not letters#1 is f. 5 is b. and everything else ks obvious#thats all you need to know#so BASICALLY#my FUCKING TEACHER IS BLIND AS HELL#because i couldve gotten a FIVE but NOOO she said i made a mistake when i DIDNT ????#yoo tired to explain. anyway SHDUXNXUDJDJC. I KNOW I DIDNT MAKE A MISTAKE.#anyway that test was the second part of the bigger test.#im not sure kf others have it but basically one class youll have a fifteen minute test and get graded for it#and then rhe next class youll get another fifteen minute test#and then ull mix the grades u received from those tests#so basically in the forst fifteen minute test i got a 2 dong ask me why#in the second fifteen minute test i got a FOUR.. WHEN I SHOULDVE GOTTEN A FIVE IF MY TEACHER KNEW HOW TO READ#and basically a two and a four make a three#bc you basically add the grades together and then divide the final number by the amount of grades#ao for example i got threw 3s in physics (EXAMPLE). 3 + 3 + 3 is 9. and then 9 divided by 3 (the amt of grades) is 3.#ANYWAY#soooo#if i were to get the grade I deserved from the second part of the test i would get a 5. 5+2 is 7 and 7 divided by 2 is 3.5 which would be 4#unless the teacher decided to be a real dick.#i couldve gotten a four.#whatever#why am i so upset abt this#sorry if i overexplained the obvious im just not sure if the same grading system from here applies to elsewhere
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Sorry for being scared all the time but I gotta vent please I urge y'all to block the vent tag because I am annoying at dksjskke
#vent#girl my death anxiety is so fucking bad rn#I'm really scared becayse seemingly healthy people are getting heart diseases or xardiac arrest#which is related to covid#and im not the healthiest person#and I've had cases of not being able to breathe properly and shit which idk if it's anxiety or what butjsjsji#im reaoly scared man#i also got an ecg like last year October qnd i was never able to follow it up because i was just super tired at the time#i couldnt sleep 4 days because i couldt breathe properly but i think it might have been anxiety or might be the cause#because it was around the time a friend passed away suddenly#but ye tachycardia and sinus arrhythmia#idkejejnejej#im legit ao anxious rn and i feel like if i bring it up with my mom they'll just tell me im overthinking#i did not go on a doomscrill i just happen to see some post on twitter#man i still really wanna meet my gf#i wanna kiss my gf#i wanna cuddle#im scared
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anna hi how r u!!!!! hope you are well <3 im checking in bc a while ago u said orange was one of ur favs and i just finished reading it last nighttttt i put it off for a while bc i knew it would be emotional jshdj 馃槶 but i really enjoyed it and cried a lot they are such a sweet friend group 馃槩馃挆 although tbh the thought i had the entire time was that naho kakeru and suwa should鈥檝e been a throuple sdjdjdhdjj 馃馃 but anyway im gonna start the anime soon and i cant wait to cry some more thank u for ur recs as always
JADEEEE so happy to receive correspondence from you.. YES orange i loved it soo much <33 so dear to my heart and tbh i havent watched the anime either. but i feel that love triangles Especially in shojos inspire such ot3 feels instead of division in my heart like it's always clear to me that the lis should either embrace male bisexuality OR tht the mc should dump them both and go lezz out w her girl best friend. theres rarely a monogamous heterosexual option im rooting for
also soo happy to get this ask from you right as i get into a shojo manga reading era cause i started reading fruits basket and!!! its soo good and fun and refreshing im rly enjoying it! im abt to start vol3 atm. im also catching up on omoi omoware furi furare which i was reading as it was coming out years ago but then i forgot it. anyway the artstyle is super cute and the characters are darlingsss but i feel sakisaka rly loveeees her drama and triangles and delaying her endgames at this point im at in the story it feels like shes just stagnating it for no good reason -_- but it's fun to breeze through so i think ill finish it!!!
#SOCIETY if ooff was a YURI [utopia]#idk if y'know sakisaka io#ao haru ride is her most well known one so if youre already familiar w that let me just say FUCK kou 馃憥馃憥馃憥馃憥馃枙馃枙馃枙馃枙#that mf was straight up abusive 2 my darling protag wtf!!!! my biggest kys scream instance in a shojo.. i think#BUT i remember i had looooved strobe edge by her even tho its been years so i dont rly remember it well BUT nanako was my baby 馃槶馃槶馃槶#i remember that much. yasss other than that im watching both nana n cardcaptor sakura at a v v v v leisurely pace#n wanna get into kimi ni n chihayafuru next but i think ill watch the animes first to experience the audiovisual panorama#n then pick up the mangas from where it leaves off or whenever i get tired of watching. v fragile attention span these days tho#so hard to prommy! but yeah#jade tag#matchas#asks#!!! ty for the ask warmth in my heart 2 hear from your animanga front fellow yuri soldier 馃馃馃
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we have landed gamers
#i am AO tired#something about that last flight just fucking took me out#it is technically 12:33 utah time#BUT ATILL IM SO TIRED </33
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I won't pay for it I can't stoop this low can't I can't let this happen (is thinking about letting it happen)
#maybe im tired but oh my god it used to be ao easy for me to crack my own adobe programs ..what the fuck happened... legitimately.....#impossible way to many steps holy shit this is insane#everything costs so fucking much all the time and my god damn school is fucking with me rn#james talks
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