#and im a bitch for not wanting to get out of bed
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quick context: character im doing is shĂĽ; she is the girlfriend of angu, one of the main characters in neimâs worldbuilding project, kunirn. shĂĽ uses she/her, angu uses she/ her, kik (anguâs close friend/basically brother at this point lmao) uses he/xey đ
1. i reckon sheâs usually too busy beating people up to have other hobbies but like. does cooking count as crafting? she crafts. food lmao
2. this bitch might be trans but she wears the manliest man cologne lmfao like. whatever the kunirn equivalent of something tobacco, sandalwood and orange would smell like. man shite /fem
3. fuck yeah!!! thatâs basically the main thing she does besides being gay and fighting people
4. mmmm not really, unless her and angu are baking together for the sillies (kik sometimes joins in too)
5. yeah!! she has the Çtrothang mark on her right shoulder (shown at the bottom of the post) as well as loads of others hjehekr
6. probably kik (anguâs friend n basically non blood brother) bcs xey seem like they would work the best under pressure and know first aid. all that shit yknow [update. neim told me that kik is canonically good at patching people up so i was right!]
7. bitch isnt scared of anything except her parents, and thats fairly normal i think. guys thats normal. right. ri-
8. yeah she probably has the weirdest collections of shit. stuff like bones, eyeballs, that kinda thing
9. she usually tries to just wait it out and continue whatever sheâs doing, but when it gets so bad she canât, she just leeches to angu until it goes away
10. not standing up to her parentsâ bullshit :[
11. ehhhh probably not anything. canon but she seems like the kind of person who would
12. oh yeah shĂĽ has amazing style /gen this bitch dresses like the most butch lesbian. also sheâs just hot lmao (evidence at tje bottom)
13. not in the slightest lmao
14. absolutely. it took her close to a year to open up to angu about her parent bs so. yeah just a bit
15. sheâs just a silly lil guy. the sillies! silly and tiny and definitely doesnt have a really dark/horny sense of humour!
16. nope and nope :D
17. basically never. she stands by what she believes at doesnt bend for anyone
18. easier to become her enemy than her friend :3
19. you have to be pretty awesome she has trust issues lmao
20. meh not really seeing as her life in Çtrothang was. pretty traumatising
21. friends. friends for sure
22. never
23. n/a shes immortal /j (in other words doesnt think about dying ever)
24. most people are her enemies :3đ
25. uh morning routine, wake up and get on with the day. evening routine, go to bed and toss n turn until she eventually falls asleep
26. sheâs her own hero (aka has no heroes (except maybe kik or angu but thats just her being gay lmao))
27. i mean. her meeting angu was pretty much a chance encounter and that changed her life drastically so!
28. # idontthinkgamingexistslmao
29. iâd want to be but she would scare me đ
30. she doesnât want to be famous. the less people who know her, the better
31. i would probably give her some sort of silly telepathic powers, sheâd want invisibility
32. being afab (she doesnt mind the dick but she occasionally gets dysphoria thinking that sheâs a Fake Woman because she has not biological booba (she is the most womanly woman i know))
33. oh yeah. i think angu, shĂĽ and kik would play silly ttrpgs the same way i play dnd with neim and my irl mates
34. terribly. she hides it well, but inside sheâs struggling :[[[
35. in charge of her own destiny. fuck the dead gods sheâs deciding her fate
36. yes and uh. for legal reasons no /hj
37. she doesnât really like the gods, n chooses to just kinda. do her own thing lmao (same as angu but less Loud About It /lh)
38. she doesnât dream (me core)
39. definitely!!! that sounds fun as shit!
40. she would be able to pull it out first try because shes a big strong jerboa. speaking of pulling ou-
41. she hates making mistakes so doesnât learn from them as much as. promise herself not to make the same mistake again
42. yeh! she speaks mainly speaks rurleki (surprisingly. the language of rurlek) but also speaks atro from living in atrothang
43. fairly well, except mentally. afterwards sheâll freak out but sheâs usually fine in the moment
44. only angu, not even kik i dont think
45. wing it gdejdbksbdkf
46. for sure, she probably lies quite a lot lmao
47. she would for quite a few people, ofc including angu and kik
48. in a heartbeat. revenge quest time babyyy!
49. nah she knows the difference. big difference (this is a threat đ)
50. shes a trans lesbian jerboa!!!!! what is there to not love!!!!!!!!!
@neim-batteries-not-included haiiiiii :3
You've Got Questions and I've Got Answers OC Edition
Do they have any crafting hobbies?
Do they wear perfume/cologne? If so what scents do they prefer?
Do they enjoy cooking?
Do they enjoy baking?
Do they have any tattoos? If so what are they and do they have any special meaning?
If they were badly injured, and for whatever reason couldn't go to a hospital, who would they go to for help?
Do they have any unusual fears?
Do they collect anything? If so what and why?
When they're sick what do they do to feel better?
Do they have any regrets?
Do they have any addictions?
Do they have any sense of style? Regardless of the answer do they believe they have a sense of style?
Do they enjoy poetry?
Do they have a hard time opening up to people?
What kind of sense of humor do they have? Or do they have one at all?
Do they have or want kids?
How easily would they be convinced to do something that goes against their morals?
How easy is it to become their enemy?
How easy is it to become their friend?
Do they have a strong connection to their culture?
What is more important to them, friends or family?
Would they ever betray someone for money?
How would they want to die?
Do they have any enemies?
Do they have a daily/nightly routine?
Have they met any of their heroes? Did they regret it?
Has a chance encounter ever had an unexpected effect on them?
Are they a #gamer?
If they were real would you be friends with them?
If they had the chance to be famous would they take it? If they are famous would they rather they weren't?
What superpower would you choose for them and what would they choose for themselves? If they have one would they choose something else?
If they could change one thing about themselves what would it be?
Do they play ttrpgs? If so what kind of characters do they play? Or are they more likely to GM?
How well do they deal with grief?
Do they believe in fate or do they believe they are in charge of their own destiny?
Would they ever kill someone? Have they already?
Are they religious? If so do they have a strong sense of faith, are they uncertain, or are they somewhere in between?
What are their dreams like? Do they have any recurring dreams/nightmares?
Would they ever crash a wedding?
If they found a sword in a stone would they try to pull it out? How would they react to being able to pull it out or not?
Do they learn from their mistakes?
Can they speak multiple languages? If yes which all do they speak and why?
Can they handle stressful situations?
Who, if anyone, would they trust with their deepest secrets?
Do they plan in advance or just wing it?
Would they lie to get out of trouble?
Would they lie to get someone else out of trouble? Even if they would have to take that someone else's place?
How likely are they to go on a quest for revenge?
Do they have trouble keeping their enemies and their friends straight?
What is your favorite thing about them?
I love these so I figured I'd make one of my own! Just be sure that if you reblog this ask one or two of these to the person you reblogged from (・â˘Ěá´-)â§
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can you write something about midoriya, bakugou, shoto todoroki, Karishima and kaminari being subs? tyy<3
these are mostly hcs, but here you go!
midoriya is of course a sweet thing, its more common for him to actually just let you use him and hed be happy with it. heâs just âshe could step on me and id say sorry.â he also just rolls his eyes when you give him head, so how can he deny you to climb ontop of him and ride him?
bakugou.. he has to warm up first. hes so used to being a bitch, so, he acts like a brat at first, denying you to make him feel good. he wants to make you feel good, so how the fuck can he do that when heâs a bottom? he learns quickly that if he just listened and stop being so stuck up.. it feels so much better. even when hes balls deep and ontop of you, hes a mess. hes all whimpers and shivers and hes the one fucking you.
shoto, hes frankly new to sex, so he hasnt figured out what he likes. hell, he isnt really a sexual person, so him leaning to a bottom is a possibility. big but! he does like that thing you do when you throat him , lick his balls, then go lower and jerk him slow. it feels too damn goodâ where and how did you even learn that? what made it feel so good to him? he didnt know, its still so new. of course though.. it catches him off guard and hes covering his mouth so he isnt too loud.
now KIRI, my favorite, hes into the muzzle. he likes being considered a mutt that only gets rewarded when hes behaving well. he has a love hate relationship with the facial garment, hes just sometimes a teether and doesnt know when not to bite you. his protests of âplease, no no,i promise i wont bite you againâ to âuse me, make me dumb, im just a mutt and toy for your usage.â praise!! he loves it, he melts and will almost cream on the spot. (not unless you tell him to, then heâs slowing down to ask permission)
now kami? hes a switch, dont get me wrong, but he loves being used. you could be riding him and he has those dildo thruster machines going into his hole. and hes more into the bdsm thing than anyone else.. its lowkey how kirishima got into the muzzle, but he likes the idea of having fingers down his throat, hands and feet tied to the bed, and occasionally slapping him. (he sometimes short circuits, so you have to be careful.)
#dvorahasks#kaminari x black! reader#kirishima x black!reader#izuku x black!reader#bakugou x black! reader#bakugou smut#kastuki bakugou#bnha kaminari#mha kaminari#denki kaminari#bhna kirishima#kirishima ejirou#mha shouto#shoto x black! reader#shoto torodoki#kirshima eijirou#bakugou#deku x black! reader#deku x reader
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i am so spiteful rn
#parents woke me up early for a class that btw is also entirely online and probably easier to do online too#and i work nightshifts so i dont get home until late and i cant control that#but apparently its ok that i dont get enough sleep#and im a bitch for not wanting to get out of bed#and not only that! i found out the class had been moved to a whole other day and time!#so im glad i stayed home out of spite bc then i would have been fucking stuck in the city for 2 hours#i just. im 20 years old and cant make my own decisions. im treated like im an idiotic child#of course im pissed off. now im tired and have a headache. how the fuck would i be able to pay attention in class#but nooooooo im the bad guy im a lazy rude bitch because i was angry that i had been woken up when i said NOT TO FUCKING WAKE ME UP!!!!!!!!
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they should get to kill each other at least twice .i think
#gravity falls#stanford pines#stanley pines#lg doodles#i drew this a few days ago but im so tired after work ngl . sittingnin bed like =__= ..#and im visiting family this weekend so idek if ill get to it until next weekend#but ya i love them i loge them so much#i love the tension in atots right after stanford comes back#and hes like writing sll this shit ab stan in the journal#while learning that he stole his identity and so on and stans like hey so i did this rly selfless thing for u can you at least#acknowledge it and they r just stewing in their own anger đ#actually i love their dynamic so much . the arguing as they mimic each other 1:1 and rhe animosity and#ykw im gna make another post but the grammar stanley scene is my favorite#magbe its not post worthy nvm idc but thats probably one of my fav interactions in the whole series#its so stupid that u know its real HELPPlike yeah that rly isnjust how it is . in fact ive done more over less đŤś#HAHAHAHAH#ugh.love . lovee i wish#i dont think gf needs a continuation im totally in the 2 season boat here#but if they ever did a post series stan and ford exploration ohhh believe . trust tht i would not shut up ab it ever#i want to see them talk so bad . im so greedy bc i feel like they didnt talk enough in the series bc im partial 2 them i just want them in#everything .#i think their personalities are so fun esp bc ford isnt the annoying nerd archetype i like that hes a cocky bitch#and i like that stan is an equally cocky bitch and they both have too much pride that they butt heads over literally everythjng#but they also recognize how ridiculous it all is like đ. even when theyre fighting over the journal they both r like ok pause r u ok#hmm.. so many ppl here capture their dynamic well too.đat least the people who dont generalize either into a single personality trait yk#imso tired im tired#but guys i love talking ab ford and stan theybr so everything to me in ways i dnt think incould ever articulate like u see them and u just g#get it . ugh. turning my head and passing out . ford is so funny hes so stupid i love him i cant bekieve i was a ford hater im sorry ive#atoned im changed im a changed oerson i didnt realize the magnitude of his serve .but stanley as my day 1 will never change . just know .(k#idk if anyonf ever reads this fsr down but if u r here say cheeseeđ¸đ¸
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Pov your rockstar boyfriend cheats on you again
âââ
I saw someone do this with dungeon meshi and I cried laughing the original is by @/wombrion!!!!
#johnny silverhand#cyberpunk 2077#cyberpunk#rogue amendiares#theyâre so in AW of his tism i Stg#what IS IT about this man that heâs so pathetic but just gets what ever he wants#i mean im guilty but how dose he do it#bro can barely get up and out of bed before 3 pm#and is pulling bitches
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fucked up that there aren't more sappy fluffy tender emotional t4t smut fics in the timkon tag. must i do everything myself
#rimi talks#that red sun wip has been in my wip folder since february đ#sometimes a bitch has a cold and wants to lie in bed and read something about sappy fluffy feelings. and yet.#im like. ace?spec? idk exactly like definitely some form of ace but i enjoy sex in fiction for The Feelings. the vulnerability. etc#unfortunately there's like 3 fics in the timkon tag not by me that are both About Feelings *and* have trans hcs or funky alien biology. sad!#where is the best friends to lovers t4t fluffporn i ask you. 5000+ fics in this tag and fucking yet#SIGHS........... when i get out of bed i guess ill keep picking away at that red sun piece but until then. i need snzz.
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'I wont cry for you, I wont crucify the things you do. I wont cry for you, see, when you're gone, I'll still be BLOODY MARY'
#cw blood#SUUUPER SCUFFED LIL WIP THATS BEEN RRRROTTING IN MY FOLDER. OUT!! GET OUT!!!#its almos 2 am and imm gettin high as hrothgar. spruced this up within an hour so i could be shared n eaten#its SUPPOsed to be part ofa bigger doodly page so ofc theres the chance this changes between now n then#fuuuuck shoulda made her dress sparkly. fuckit ill fix it laterrrrr. i havnt posted art in YWEARRS i needed to post something#also i uh. well you see i started losing followers on twitter bc im sooo inactive and i KNOW that shouldnt matter like it should be whateve#but. you see. i lkike when number go up and when it go down i get MMMADDD.we all get our dopamine from somewhere#ANYWAY so i actually havnt touched the suckening in so long. been workin on oc stuff.BUT WELL. ARTHUR AND MARY. STILL MAKE ME WEEP#THEYRE SO CUTE N TRAGIC...whadda fuck is it with grizzly n charlie characters being so in love and so doomed#kian and becky then arthur and his various exes like CMAHn.stop doing this to me#from what i remember of the episode.she seemed so.tired.disconnected.like she had been wandering a dream#and yet she seemed so positive.reasonably concerned and yet.content.she warmed up to arthur as soon as she recognized him#she speaks so gently and so sweetly and she keeps the conversation so light.even though shes dead and shes gone and she#is doomed to wander an odd limbo for the rest of time.and yet she seemed so at peace.i can see why arthur liked her.what happened?#what caused them to separate?arthur seems so jaded and so tired.marys company seems like such a gentle place to rest.#how did he squander such a blessing?was it a blessing?OHH what i would give to crack open their minds and peer inside.#yknow wat im runnign out of room i think so ill add a last thought here at the bottom of my tags. I AM MORE CORRECT ABT ARHTURS UGLY LOOK#I WANT THAT MAN TO BE BEASTLY AND GROSS AND STRANGE AND SCARY AND EEWWW I SEE THINGS SQUIRMING IN THE DARK.ther are bugs#LETTING HIM HAVE HOT HOT ABBS AND STUFF WAS A COP OUUTTTT LET HIS WHOLE FORM BE DISTORTED OR UR NOT A FUCKING 0 APPEARANCE BITCH#THE BONES SHIFTED BENEATH AS IF TRYING TO HATCH. MANY OTHER THINGS HATCHED ASWELL. THE DEAD IMMORTAL FLESH SOURED#TOO GRAND TO ROT BUT TOO CORRUPTED TO KEEP CLASSIC FORM. MMMONSTER MONSTER MONSTER MONSTER#oka y im not going to bed but im gonna go. uh. do miore drugs or something. maybe ill work on more jrwi stuff. or oc stuff.#i hope ur day goes swimmingly thankyou for reading my tags i love you so so so so so much
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the ending of episode five fucked me up because they're all healing, stede and ed are healing, realistically, in love, as both individuals and as partners. izzy is happy! fucking happy! he has friends, family, people who love him and care about him. people that stuck with ed and izzy through dark fucking times but are still willing to stick with them because that's what you do as a crew.
i don't think anyone's waiting for me
no one's waiting for me. no one. every single person i have ever cared about has left me. every. single. one. 100% probability that i will be abandoned. because when it comes down to it, i'm too much. doesn't matter what specifically did it this time, it all falls under "you're too much to deal with so i'm ditching you". i'm saying this as neutrally as possible btw. i'm forced to live for myself because there is no one else and that is both a little bit of a good thing and a giant pile of 'fucking shoot me already'.
this entire season i just stabbing me right into my most sensitive trauma memories over and over again, and i'm bleeding out on the roadside and about to be run over by a car.
#alex gets personal#ofmd2#just. venting so my heads empty before bed#'youre not too much' they say before leaving me because i've become too much#like bro i dont even know what im doing or whats wrong with me outside of the obvious#im just a horrible person no one wants to be around apparently and i mean that 100% seriously#i carry so much pain with me and whenever it spills out during a panic attack or while crying or both#it's like trying to empty an ocean through a straw#sure you'll get a few drops#maybe even half a cup#but you still have a fucking ocean left and you know that no matter how hard you try#time is against you and you will die before you empty that bitch#ed saying i dont think anyones waiting for me is stuck in my head and i cannot get it out#i was just looping it in my mind while sobbing so hard i almost passed out </3 casual thursday night experiences
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hm
thinking of my blorbos but not in a "i love you you love me all is well" way but a "i love you hope you kill me" way lol
#cylas vents#negativity#negative#death wish#lmao#bitches be like '[potentially concerning thing]' and then add 'lol' as if it's funny or a joke lmao#like i mean technically it's not but then again it is bc it's me. like yeah don't worry don't take this seriously don't mind me ok#it doesn't really matter anyway kk. or maybe it's more like I'm the joke.#like idk the thought that like most of my f/os would probably kill me on sight should be less comforting than it is i guess#imagine casually making posts like this and still being like 'ok but maybe im not actually mentally ill maybe im faking maybe im lying to#myself maybe im making excuses maybe im imagining things maybe im just lazy' etc etc#none of the antidepressants since fluoxetine decided it's over have done shit and even my psychiatrist now is always like 'hm. so do you#want to keep trying other things' and like yeah what else can i do? therapy didnt do anything for this specific issue and the tagesklinik#lady didnt really seem to get my issue (well her suggestions for like therapy groups or whatever were more about socialising or whatever#like ??? girl that's really not the main problem here lmao but she also did have a point about how i would have to actually go there every#day etc but like#what else am i supposed to do#hi i am always tired and sometimes struggle to even get out of bed and thats why i worry about getting a job or something bc it could become#too much or whatever but like unfortunately thats kind of a requirement for everything lmao#when psychiatrist asks what i want/expect or whatever i am internally like 'a magic pill that just fixes everything and makes me a normal#functional human being' but like that's just not A Thing (tm)#so. like. what else am i supposed to do.#i don't want to be like this forever#idk how to tag lmai#using stuff like#tw suicidality#tw suicidal#tw suicidal ideation#just feels so over the top and like i dont have the right to use them lol
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I will survive my 6 month streak curse of being in love and having the mega hots for Robert Mitchum
#cherry says#nodding my head silently trying to be in resigned contentedness and acceptance#6 months bitch even if u count from the dream on thats to November bitch#i predict at most by the time fall semester ends#fuck *sits down* im fine ill reach in my fridge and get a beer out even though I don't like beer#me after crying and grieving for the 356th time: okay let's go *crawls in the bed with him*#hes cursed me and yet at the same time this has opened my eyes compared to the sweet normal years#where i was a fan of his anyway and was just like yeah hes a crazy good performer hes kinda hot ugly and moved on#and suddenly with the curse and everything else its all opened to me his fullest effect on me#its all so terrible but i cant help myself even if i lock the doors and throw away the keys ugh okay baby just come in stay for the fall to#stay over for the rest of your time you want
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wheres that post about how its hard to have like a fucking depression spiral or whatever while knitting bc lemme tell u im sitting here fighting back tears while actively crocheting and its not fucking working
#toy txt post#depression spiral self worth spiral the world sucks and everything is bad and stupid spiral#whatever you want to call it. im fucking miserable and my eyes keep watering and making it kinda hard to see the fucking stitches#guess thatd be less of an issue if i was doing a standard moss stitch instead if a modified variant w half doubles and working into the#stitch under the space instead of in the chain space which is a little more annoying and fiddly to find than the chain space#whatever. its all the same stupid fucking shit anyway. whatever whatever whatever whatever#nothing matters everything is stupid and sucks and whats the fucking point! god#and then dad will just get home and sternly scold me for not looking for a job anyway#as if i could currently fucking handle being asked what my fucking strengths are or whatever#and i bet fucking period is not fucking helping cos hormone fluctuations do weird shit to emotions i fucking guess. whatever#i feel like my head is going to explode#'just let yourself cry let it out!' no. its fucking inconvenient and doesnt even release all the stupid fucking feelings it just leaves me#exhausted and wasting a bunch of fucking tissues. whatever#im a stupid lazy bitch whatever and im Not. but i am#what does it matter#i cant even deal with the fucking ants in my bedroom im just hiding from them in my brothers empty room#i washed all my bedding but havent remade the bed bc im like oh i should wait for the ants to be gone#cant do anything. cant do fucking anything at all ever#i should get out of the house and touch grass and that would be good for me but like. where#i shouldnt even leave the house bc im not insured and what if i get into a car crash? i hate everything#negative#whining
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I hate hate HATE knowing I'm switching/that we switched but already not knowing who I am orr who's stepping in or where the line is between me and that other alter
like we can tell when we're switching better with our meds but this makes the dissociation SO much worse and trying to think clearly about it makes my head fuzzy
It was a good day over all but since we've been masking less everything is a blur lately and I might be freaking out a little bit
#vent#kinda idk#it's not fun like people bitch abt that all the time but despite the good interactions we have ig there's a reason ppl harp on that#it's confusing and paralyzing and aagh#also ik somebody out there thinks we're completely fake#and idk if my siblings will treat me different if i tell them#and we donât even hardly tell the friends who know when we switch#even if we want to we can't get the words out#im grateful to have what i have but im so tired of feeling this way#i wanna go to bed but i haven't finished any drawings yet#i have 2 going on 3 cuz we told purselves we'd finish the challenge even if it's not every day#but ugh oof between than and guitar practice and work and wanting to work out and-#just everything everyone wants to do#there's no focus#i cant drive until i can think clearly again so here u go tumblr#it's a nice night why is my brain stuck switching so bad#plzzzzz there's nothing happening we donât need to dissociate this much#even if it's a flashback IT'S NOT REAL#THIS IS REALLY UNNECESSARY#but we ball
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Everytime my chronic pain flares up im reminded of why i was severely suicidal for 3 years straight.
#living with chronic pain is a nightmare#and for a while ive been doing better#only having flare ups once in a while#but years ago i was in severe pain every day#the only thing that helped was gabapentin and a rollator and copious amounts of weed#and i dont want to live like that again#im fucking scared#i dont want to go back to being bedridden#i cant#i barely can do much but its more than i was able to#if i get to the point where i cant make it out of bed again for weeks at a time#i might have to check myself in#because i dont trust myself to be able to handle that#and im starting school soon#i cant afford to lose more of my quality of life#just because my body decided to be a bitch#and not have good joints#or nerves#or whatever the fuck is actually wrong with me#personal
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#â#already getting stress induced nose bleeds again lmao#bro's not even back in the house yet but him and dad were going at it tonight#yelling at each other in the kitchen and i could hear them from my room in the basement#im so tired of it all#especially since my mom and i get to listen to them bitch about each other afterwards#before he moves back in im setting a firm boundary: unless i ask about something specifically *i don't want to hear about it*#ive hit minute 22 with this nose bleed now#i thought it was gonna be a short one (10-15 mins) but nooooo#i can feel it getting worse#based off my experience last summer im pretty sure that if i could just....#get out of this fuckin house#80% of my health problems will improve on their own#since all of them are triggered/aggravated by stress#too bad im fuckin stuck here for the foreseeable future#tbd#edit: 25 mins in and i think it's stopped for the time being...#i can hear my dad bitching about my brother to my mom rn while she's trying to get ready for bed#because she just got home with working her second job#and has to be up in 7hrs for her first one đ#i want to yell at him to shut up or yell at my mom to tell him to shut up#neither of us will do such things tho#and so it goes
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im so fucking mad at myself at my mother at her dead husband at god fucking knows what. "concentrate on yourself" well i cant can i. now more than anything i should and i cant. losing my fucking mind istg
#i wasted the whole fucking weekend because i *had to* come visit her and once i visited i *had to* hang out with my fucking grandfather#watching him cry about grandma and bitch about modern times and the waiter not doing his job because the cafĂŠ was full to bursting#and it took longer than usual to get our coffees so ofc he had to loudly insult him in third person. oh and then he had to bitch about#gay people and women who dont want children too because of he did. and i sat there and listened to it because i HAD TO#wasted four fucking hours. and then i HAD TO go to the theatre with my mom because she got us tickets because she wanted this#to be a nice day for me but i dont have fucking time to have nice days rn but in order for HER to have a nice day i need to at least pretend#i am having one. so i wasted another almost two hours on that play#which was some modern uselessly loud to the point of being physically painful bullshit bad enough that we left mid-show#and then i had to go meet with her friends so lost another two hours and by the time i got home to write that bullshit thesis it was 11pm#and i barely got anything done till 1 am because i went through another stupid little mental breakdown and then it was almost 6 am#and i had to stop because i had a train at 8 and i already only slept like 3 hours that day#and then i got home yesterday totally fucking exhausted and i started reading stuff for the thesis but i was falling asleep so i laid down#'for 10 minutes' and i woke up today at 6. not having written a word lol#and now i could just say fuck it and defend it in september and it would make my life so much easier. but my voice teacher wants me#to get accepted for the masters degree even if im already planning to get the deans leave for the first semester so like. god.#i cant do this lol#i know i should have started earlier but i was kinda busy losing my fucking mind and lying in bed staring at the ceiling for hours#and contemplating dropping out completely lol god i hate my life so much it's unreal
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#oh for fucks sake#if i have to listen to my shithead of a mother bitch and whine and moan about me being disabled one more fuckinG time i s2g#she's been going on for 20 mins abt how annoying it is that i had to go lie down for a bit bc i had a migraine and a pain flare up#which meant i guess that she didnt get to make dinner when she wanted to (i told her she could just eat w/o me like who cares)#so now she's on a rampage abt how inconvenient it is to her and how i ruin her schedule and her life all the time etc etc#and when i responded calmly w 'well what would u like me to do- snap my fingers and not be disabled anymore? u TOLD me to go lie down.'#she exploded and is like 'oh noOoo ofc not nothing is ever ur fault u just accidentally do these things'#bitch WHAT THINGS ?????#exist as disabled ??? be in so much pain i spend most of my life these days in bed ??? be unable to function to ur standards ????#do u Hear urself ??#now she's sitting on the couch pouting and fuming like a toddler bc i was in bed for 2 hours instead of 30 mins (bc too much pain to get up)#and throwing a tantrum like that is in any way normal or acceptable behaviour#'u always do this! but nooo u can do w/e u want cant u ?? u dont have to consider others!!'#ma'am...#a) no i dont have to consider others when it comes to taking care of myself and my debilitating illnesses. that's an insane thing to suggest#b) nobody told u u could not do w/e the fuck u wanted while i was out of commission. u just did this to have more to complain abt#c) ah yes bc i 'want' to be bedbound in excruciating pain. that was a choice i made. for funsies. for the bit.#whaT ?????#god someone save me im gonna lose my mind w this shit#not to mention she's also belligerently drunk so like. there's that also. cant have any proper convo bc of it (not that i wanna talk to her)#jesus fUcking chrisT#i gotta get out of here#this woman is so immensely hateful#ya sorry i ruined ur life by being born this way and now ur stuck 'putting up' w me and 'my shit' (<- actual things she has said many times)#fuuuuuck me.#anyway.#negative#ableism#verbal abuse#ask to tag
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