#and if you look at it then the left ysa looks a lot more like her doesnt she?

[buqbite]

My thoughts here mainly revolve around YSA as the mary sue/female lead type character:

She goes from being this perfect woman to. just being a woman. And my idea is that the weight gain isn't there to make her "unconventionally attractive," or whatever other dumb phrase you wanna use to avoid calling someone ugly, but to make her conventionally attractive, yet realistic.

Instead of looking like a skinny waifu character, she looks like a skinny human woman. Her hair swaying in the nonexistent wind isn't as perfect, her magic blush is missing and she has eyebags. She's still hot, just more human.

[studentinpursuitofclouds]

hello!! love your content! i was checking your masterlist and i saw that you had a post about a nonhuman farmer — however, my farmer OC has different features from the one who was previously requested. so i was wondering if i could request something similar, but changing a few things. if not, you can ignore this!

so, i would like to request a similar post: the villagers (bachelors, bachelorettes and townies) reacting to a nonhuman farmer. however, instead of rat-like features, i wanted a farmer with fox-like features — as in, sharp claw-like nails, fox ears, fox tail, fangs and vertical pupils (y'know, similar to when people make a human gijinka of a fox character), all the fun stuff.

additionally! i was wondering if you could also include some Ridgeside Village characters. (i know RSV has like a shitton of characters so it doesn't need to be all of them 😭 if you do include, i would love if you did Raeriyala, Daia, Jio, Blair, Maddie and Ysa specifically, as these are my favorites) but if you can't do them, that's fine!! thank you for your time and take care!

Hello, dear anon! Thank you so much ❤️

Sorry for the long reply, but since there are a lot of characters, I had to write a little longer. I won't include all the RSV residents as I haven't thoroughly researched them all yet, but I wrote about the ones you asked for. Enjoy!

Stardew valley characters react to a non-human Farmer (alt. version):

_________________________________________

Considering that Shane often left the Saloon after two or three mugs of beer, it wouldn't surprise him if that new and annoying farmer had tall fox ears or fangs, since he could chalk those hallucinations up to alcohol intoxication. Worse things will happen if Shane, in his sober state, meets them again.... This town was a bunch of freaks. Though he thinks he's just as much of a freak himself...

Marnie's first thought after the Farmer's true origins are revealed is to make more locks on her chicken coop. Please forgive her, but she had recently survived a fox infestation that took out her favorite hen, and Marnie was still grieving and a little paranoid about foxes. But that was rude to the Farmer, for which she immediately apologizes.

All Elliott wanted was a relaxing fishing trip with his close friends, Willy, the old fisherman, and Farmer. But the Farmer apparently likes to pick a bad time to dedicate secrets. "I'm not really human." Elliott is in a stupor. "Excuse me, what?" "Aye, lad/lass said they're not human." Why in the world is Willy reacting so calmly? And why is the writer only now noticing their fangs and fox ears!

Yoba, poor Harvey and Maru were running around Farmer in circles, unable to understand the x-rays and blood test results. Vertical eye pupils, pointed fangs and claws... Their minds were racing, trying to find answers in medical textbooks and in scientific articles about single cases of mutations. So Farmer would be in the clinic for a long time, before the town doctor and his assistant find answers.

Yo, Farmer, hey! Look at the cool hoodies Sam got for his friends: Abigail's hoodie has cat ears sticking out, and Sebby's wearing a dark green hoodie with a cute frog face. He himself has a hoodie with bunny ears. It's a bit silly and childish gifts, but his friends love it and having fun, so that's what matters most. Oh, you have a hoodie like that too? It's cool, it's got real fox ears and a tail. Huh? Wait, what do you mean they're real? Like a- Holy cow, the ears move! How??? Sam and Abby are shocked, and Sebby thinks it's cool. The trio needs answers!

Looks like Rasmodius doesn't need to brew a potion for Farmer, since they already have forest magic. Oh please, don't look at him so surprised, nothing magical can escape the wizard's keen eye. But there is no need to panic, he himself is completely connected with magic and unusual things, so he will respect the Farmer's secret. Well, now let's talk about Junimo....

Huh, is Farmer what, 7 years old or something? Why are they dressed up in costume? What? Alex can see that? Of course he see it, with those ears and that floor-length tail, it's hard to miss. And... fangs? Strange people, one wearing all black, the others trying to prove to Alex they're foxe. It's crazy.

What the- Oh, for crying out loud. Kid, at least let Marlon and Gil know it's you. They thought the monster from the mines had gotten out and were ready to draw their swords from their scabbards. All right, let's go back, foxy, heh... We're going hunting soon, and you have the best nose for hares.

"Let's see... Dwarves, Shadow People, Elves... No, alas, nothing similar from history." After recognizing the Farmer's true origins, Gunther thought he might find mention of "fox people" in the library books, but there was nothing of the sort. However, if the Farmer themself knows their origins perfectly well, they could write the book! If the Farmer doesn't mind, the library keeper will help with writing a book about the history of an unknown civilization (or just a fairy tale, if no one believes it).

The Farmer decided to reveal a great secret to Kent? Do they want to reveal their true origins to surprise the veteran? Well, the secret's out, Farmer's not quite human! Aha! Caught him by surpri- Wat??? Why no reaction? What's with the 🗿 face? I've seen stranger things in war?! Ugh! "You're not human!?" Well, at least it didn't take long for his wife, Jodi, to react. The poor woman now has mixed emotions about Farmer.

Wow, Gus had heard a lot of different rumors about the new Farmer, but never would have thought.... Well, even though they're not quite human, it doesn't change the way he feels about Farmer. They're a very kind friend and a wonderful person (even if not human), so no prejudice, much to Farmer's relief, on his part. The doors of his Saloon are always open to them.

What? Fox ears? Ah, the Farmer must be playing with the children, they were just putting on all sorts of headbands with the ears of different animals. That's nice of them. Yeah, Jas, did you want something? Does Farmer have real ears? Sure, sure, Uncle Lewis believes you. *Ahem* By the way, is Aunt Marnie home?

Ah, my friend. Sit next to Linus, don't be shy. Warm yourselves by the fire. Hmm? Did you want to say something to him? About not being human, by any chance? Oh, no need to wonder, Linus can see through the magical barrier that wizards and other creatures wrap themselves in when they want to hide. But he's their friend, so their secret is safe. She knows what it's like to be an outcast.

Fox parts on the human body? Fangs, tail and ears?! Scientifically impossible! Demetrius is very interested in this unusual mutation of the new Farmer and would like to investigate it, perhaps even help in some way. Of course, with the Farmer's permission, after all, science is science, but there must be at least some boundaries of decency.

Beyond her natural shock at the news, Robin was glad that Farmer trusted her enough to entrust her with this secret. And she gives her word that if Farmer told her about her not quite human origins, she would keep it. Heh, that's funny... Robin's parents often called her "little foxy" and now Robin will also call Farmer. Just a light tease, nothing bad!

Young one, take off that stupid costume, it's not Spirits Eve. George doesn't understand the younger generation: he used to play grindball with his friends when he was a kid, and now teenagers are putting on silly costumes, calling themselves beasts and going back and forth and interfering with his TV watching. Don't even try to change his mind, he won't believe the Farmer's fox ears are real.

When Farmer stopped by to visit Emily, the girl immediately started praising these plush ears that look just like the real thing. Haley decided to argue with her sister for some reason and began to lament that the fabric probably wasn't the best quality. Emily disagreed completely, and decided to touch the soft fur on the long red ears. Poor Farmer immediately bounced away from the girls. Huh? Tickles? They're not real, how can they.... Did the ears just move?... Okay Haley, stop screaming, let's calm down and talk about, as it turns out, quite real fox ears.

Oh, Evelyn remembers Farmer's Grandpa saying that in their family, the fox was the totem animal. There were statues, wooden sculptures and paintings on his farmhouse. Evelyn is glad that Farmer is also proud of it, even if it is a little unusual, wearing fluffy fox ears. (No, she doesn't believe the fox parts on Farmer are real).

Mr./Mrs. Farmer is a fox? Are they some sort of fox lord? Do they have magic? Can we see it? While Jas and Vincent pepper Farmer with various questions (because where else would you see a fox neighbor?), Leo giggles and thinks to himself that when he, his friends and Farmer play hide and seek, with those tall red ears Farmer will be easy to find.

Clint needed to get some fresh air: the heat of the forge had made his mind foggy, making the farmer look like an animal. But when they went outside, the farmer's animal image hadn't disappeared..... Did he drink too much at the saloon last night?

Oi, that's a strong ale. This stuff is amazing! Gus, pour Pam another full mug! Hell yeah. Hmm, who's distracting her? All right, kid, give her a break after work. Ugh, what do they want, huh? She's busy right now- Why does Farmer have fangs like an animal? And what's with the eyes?... Gus, Pam changed her mind. She's had enough beer for one night. She's already seeing some weird shit.

Aah! Oh, Yoba, what's that? Or rather, who is it? Farmer? Why did you dress up in a costume and get into the bushes and scare Leah? What do you mean, "not a costume"? You got the lenses, and the tail down your back. A real one?! Okay, well, even if that's true, what makes you think hiding in the bushes was the best way to present yourself? Smell of delicious berries. Alright, the artist agrees, blueberries are really good.

Dear viewers, our favorite show begins: "How fast can Farmer make Penny faint?" Last time, our top contestant scared a young teacher in 5.43 seconds when they came out all bloody from the mines. This time, Farmer will reveal his secret to Penny. Aaaaaand.... Exactly two seconds, and the girl fell senseless. A new record! (Apologized to Penny right now).

"I hope we don't get rabies from you?" "Pierre!". Our lovely Pierre, Mr. Tactfulness, part-time shopkeeper, is on a roll as always. Thank Yoba that at least Caroline knows when to stop her husband. So what if the Farmer is a little different, that's no reason to throw around name-calling. "Don't listen to him, dear customer", no one realized where Morris was coming from here. "There's no prejudice in our wonderful Joja about weirdo-, er, I mean unusual people. Come to us, we have 25% off!" "Wouldn't dream of it, Morris! Dear customer, can you bite Morris to give him rabies?" Thanks again to Caroline, who got a bucket of water from somewhere and poured it on her husband and Joja manager.

Bonus + Ridgeside Village:

Wow! Daia didn't know that her Lady's lover, the great Raeriyala, had helpers too, and such a cute one. Oh, you're fox spirit? Hee hee! She wants so badly to touch the fluffy ears, or the soft red tail! Wait a minute... They're not spirits, they give off a completely different aura.... The grandchild of that old Farmer? Intriguing. But it still won't save Farmer from teasing or flirting.

Trust me, if Maddie doesn't run away from a strange sound in the bushes in the middle of the woods, the huge fox ears will definitely make her rush back to town. She won't even realize it's not a wild animal, just a Farmer. Nope, not today, forest! She's too young to die.

Finally, the barrier was removed and the Farmer was able to meet her. Yes, oh farmer, Raeriyala knows who you really are, no need to hide it. She has a lot to tell you about your Grandmother, the evil that lingers in Spirits Realm, and much more. "Are you my mom?" "...What?" (It would be a very awkward situation if Farmer didn't know their biological mother, and then there's a woman fox. So you can understand their confusion).

Not only did Farmer show up at a rather suspicious time, but they're also not human. Jio's caution will not be limited, as there may be spies everywhere, who want to harm his friends, his Lady, and interfere with his mission. On the other hand, there is something about this Farmer, because there's unusual, just like him - where will you meet another elf, right?

And how you supposed to concentrate on fishing when someone is running near the lake and yelling? Blair's irritation was immediately replaced by incomprehension when she saw Ysa running out of the woods toward Ridgeside Village. The girl had dropped a small basket of flowers. And when the young fisherwoman saw in the distance the silhouette of a humanoid with obviously animal-like body parts, it was already Blair's turn to run, leaving the entire fish catch on the shore. And the Farmer only wanted to talk to them 🥲

[void-botanist]

I would love to know about the elbas sitcom AU (<- big sitcom enjoyer)

Tbh it wouldn't be that different from their actual lives, lol, just played up for comedy. Also this was such a fun response to write that I did not stop myself and I just kept inventing stuff.

A lot of these characters are discussed in this powerpoint post.

Some recurring bits:

No one can remember Casper's name even when he's standing in front of them, except Nidilaenn (his kid) and Vinnek. They all call him Pa (which they do IRL) or some random name ("he has a John face"). Regardless of whether he's there or not everyone is always talking about his whirlwind romance that took him out to the Vale and left them with one less prankster. You know he always returns for the solstice episode.

People go "where's Nidilaenn" and then we immediately cut to Nid in their boat. The funny part is where the boat is this time.

"El this might be easier if you don't get so frustrated" [Ellery turns back toward the camera with the nastiest look on his face] "I'm not frustrated"

There's always a new random nonroot staying at the Yellow House to witness the shenanigans and mostly laugh them off as "wow this island is weird haha"

The nonroot is also always shocked when they find out that they were not wrong, Madge is in fact twice her husband Rigo's age, and those ages are 120 and ~60.

Madge and Rigo are only on the island half the time. The other half they're traveling the mainland and getting called back to Elbas for increasingly ridiculous reasons. While they're away someone else has to care for the lighthouse (which is why IRL they don't actually travel that much).

Herric is always meddling in something. Frequently it has a butterfly effect, where they do something tiny like borrow Milo's butter and by the middle of the episode the island is in shambles.

Herric and Urielte are the "they should just be together" couple of the series, and to be honest they don't disagree (like if they just said "nah we're friends" people would drop it but they've never said that). However they do keep coming up with increasingly silly excuses for why they won't (the real reason is Herric doesn't want to have another breakup and Urielte just doesn't give a shit about formalities).

When someone needs information, Vinnek always has a book on that. Unless it's about legal histories or contract law, in which case Milo has a book on that.

Ysa sets the mood perfectly as a bartender but never serves alcohol. Thon keeps coming up with increasingly complex names for thons juice cocktails.

While working at the docks or the lighthouse Rigo has seen sea monsters of all kinds and just shrugs it off and goes back to his book.

Madge has a bike. The island is small. She tends to ride down the lighthouse hill into town but sometimes she rides into the sea instead (Rigo: [looks up] Madge: [rides right off the end of the dock] Rigo: [goes back to his book, then does a double take]).

This would make more sense in an anime but I thought it so I'm going to say it: sometimes Nid and El grab hands and go "because the power of friendship" with the dramatic eye shine and everything.

There are as many explanations as to why Rae is missing a leg as there are islanders. Even she doesn't give the same answer every time, but she always mentions the ankle bracelet she lost.

Some episode concepts:

Some nonroot comes to stay at the Yellow House and Tirias starts spending all her time with them. Ysa and Amadjes are like "you should branch out" and Tirias is like "noooo" and all bashful about it, because the reason she's hanging around them is because they understand her obsession with an extremely niche media property that no one else gets.

A nonroot can't tell the difference between Amadjes and their cousins Amelie, Aloysius, and Asteras and convinces them all to make increasingly strange fashion choices. For some reason their dad Emil was off-island when this happens and upon his return he can't tell them apart because of the fashion.

Milo's parents Marietta and Tem come to visit and it's a series of humorously awkward interactions between Milo & Herric and Marietta & Tem, to the point that Herric will say something like "what the fuck" to Marietta (their kid) and then immediately turn to Tem and say "I find this somewhat confusing". When Milo mentions Tem to the Council they all offer their own advice: Ellery talks about not getting frustrated, Nid wants to formulate a strategy based on who swept who off their feet, Patience suggests getting kombucha-drunk with them, Tirias says to look for their passion. Somehow all of these become relevant over the course of their relationship-building.

Someone discovers that "the reason" Herric and Urielte won't officially get together is because they don't want to move into each other's houses. So they orchestrate moving one to the other, then vice versa, then into a separate third house, and it all goes really badly and they have to be moved back.

After the previous episode, Herric's ex-wife and estranged son return to demand something from them, probably money- and/or goods-related. Herric ends up moving in and/or getting the equivalent of a Vegas marriage with Urielte to fend her off. Everyone is disappointed when they ultimately undo it all.

Binna's launch is approaching and Milo is just trying to enjoy spending time with her but everywhere he goes are just silly reminders that she's leaving ("that weirdly suggestive calendar has a rocket in it!").

Patience's teenage grandkids come to visit and everyone is super impressed by them because uep twins are rare. They use this to their advantage. Everyone also wonders whether Patience knows what's going on, because of course they pull the most nonsense when she's not around, but she knows exactly and she thinks it's incredibly funny to play the doddering old lady.

Rae gets into a dispute with the owner of the Evly radio station she runs a weekly music show on. Madge (her sister) and Tirias (who regularly plays on the show and also has technical knowledge) decide to team up and start an Elbas radio station. This turns out to be a lot harder than they expect. It would be fun if they managed it though because then we could have a radio station set.

The port authority of Port Danziger, which is several hundred miles away on the mainland, approaches the Council and suggests they pay for docking rights even though that doesn't make any logistical sense. Nidilaenn sets out to discover whether it really is that far to sail (answer: yes) and encounters a variety of nonsense situations on the way.

A new arrival asks about Rae's leg. She says it was a sea monster. We then discover that the sea monsters only Rigo seems to notice are in fact real, but don't really hang around the island because there's not much meat there. The new arrival does not succeed in locating Rae's fabled ankle bracelet.

Following the previous episode, a human sneaks meat onto the island, which causes a massive uptick in sea monster activity. Something something an entire suitcase getting dramatically thrown into the ocean. NO MEAT ALLOWED goes unexplained into the visitor rules and the mainland press has a field day with it.

Casper returns for the solstice episode without his wife (the one who swept him off his feet and caused him to move away). He says it's because he wanted to spend time with Nid, but Nid becomes increasingly suspicious that something is off. They get sent on a wild goose chase wondering if Casper ever even got married only to discover that their stepmom was late because she was bringing a surprise for them.

Vinnek gets haunted by the ghost of Fira past, and while the moral of the episode is that they have to remember the good times they had with Fira and stop getting on the network to listlessly search for Fira, there's a lot of snarky humor on the way. Depending on when this takes place, there will also be the ghost of Casper past (not intentionally a reference lol the importance is that Casper was and is a good friend of Vinnek's who also left the island) and potentially the ghost of Dez past (another friend who left).

A paranormal investigator shows up and insists the lighthouse is haunted. Everyone says no, the lighthouse is not haunted. Eventually the investigator turns out to be right, though the spirits haunting the lighthouse are just chilling and that's why no one thought it was haunted.

Rae, Tirias, and Ysa team up to turn the pub into a club for Jes's birthday, with the heavy bass he so loves (he's deaf). Unfortunately they instead succeed at blowing out Ysa's custom skylight and invoking the ire of Ellery, one of the few people on the island who has ever been to a club. In the course of putting in a new skylight they hatch a better plan: a sort of silent disco-esque setup where they will not shatter the skylight a second time.

For some reason Haskell has to leave the island for a bit and asks Nid and El, who have been considering having kids for a while, if they would watch Lacey. I feel like everything that happens after that is just par for the course for having a 4 year old around but still it seems like even Nid will have changed their mind about kids. When Haskell gets back and is like "haha hope that didn't put you off of sprouting" the two of them are like "nah. we'll survive it with the power of friendship" with the whole solidarity clasp and everything. Then the shine fades and they say, "in five more years maybe".

Tirias becomes obsessed with a wedding shoot he found on the network and starts bothering Ysa and Jes about it. They misunderstand and think what he wants is to get married when in actuality he just wants to have an event for wearing a princess dress. By the time they get on the same page Ysa and Tirias are practically standing at the altar (I don't actually know how Elbas weddings work but you get the idea). But in the end Tirias gets what he wants and they don't actually get married...probably.

I think there should be a season devoted to Dez being there too, with episodes such as:

The rootspace episode, where Dez figures out how to decode the chemical messages of rootspace and becomes obsessed with sharing rootspace with people ("for the love of god Dez PLEASE use your words I'm tired").

The radio show episode, where Dez becomes the synth.

The toilet humor episode, where Dez discovers that one of Elbas's imports is literal shit, which goes into the dirt beds they root into at night. Have I mentioned Dez doesn't really get toilet humor? Uep and neriem, however, do on some level, even though that's not how their digestive systems work.

The laugh scale episode, where Dez notices that making serious Milo laugh is a particular point of pride among the Council. The Council in turn notices that Dez has never once laughed and try to figure out what would make him do so. 50/50 chance they either realize he can't/doesn't laugh OR some random apparently nonhumorous thing happens at the end of the episode and Dez snickers, which is enough of a laugh to celebrate.

The prank episode, where Dez takes the role of the answering machine that has a bunch of snippets of someone's voice to remix except he has extensive recordings of most islanders, which makes it extra fun. He starts pranking people with Nid but as people discover the prank they join in, and after a few days everyone on the island is in on the prank and there's no one left to bother. But then Casper shows up.

[rarebird22]

Update!

The meeting went better than I expected and the stake president is nice! He did say like 2 problematic things but neither of them seemed intentional; overall he's got a solid foundation for becoming a good ally in the future! Summary of our meeting under the cut.

(also for anyone coming across this post who's not familiar with mormonism, stakes are organizational units like parishes)

Stake Pres was still meeting with someone else when I arrived so I talked with one of his counselors for a while. Turns out the counselor studied the same subjects, at the same college, as I am currently! He told me about his experiences being in our college's first-ever GIS class (at the time called Computer Cartography) in the 80's. It was a super cool connection and made me feel less anxious.

The stake president also spent a while getting to know me before asking why I scheduled the meeting/what I wanted to talk about. The stake presidency is new (just got called a month or two ago) which I think contributes. Anyways, I explained to him that I feel strongly about increasing inclusion in the church, and that recent experiences have made me feel like I need to start taking a more active role. I specifically mentioned the conference talks "Welcome to the Church of Joy" and "Ye are my Friends" - if you haven't read those I highly recommend them!

Anyways, I explained that I have many friends and family members who are queer and that a lot of church policy/rhetoric can make queer people feel broken, rejected, or unloved. TBH, I was really nervous at this point- I was bringing up a topic that's sorta taboo within the church and had no idea how this guy would react. I might have rambled a bit as I was trying to get my point across as much I could in one go. I was worried that if I did figure out he was homophobic, I wouldn't feel comfortable sharing much else. I told him that I feel really strongly about actively showing queer folks that they're welcome and loved, and I would like to do something to show that more in our stake. (I already have some ideas of how to do that, but wanted to stay open to collaborate and build something together if possible, and since I was anxious I ended up saying "I don't know what that would look like, but I want to do something.")

After patiently listening to me explaining (and probably repeating myself several times), Stake Pres told me he was glad I came in to talk. I got the sense that his listening was really genuine. I do not remember the entirety of what he said, but I remember him emphasizing that he believes everyone is a child of God; that God obviously loves all of his children no matter what; and that he doesn't understand why people feel homosexual attraction or that their gender doesn't match their sex (my words not his- he just said he doesn't know why people feel "that way").

He told me about two personal experiences with queer people while he's been in a church leader role, and both left me feeling pleasantly surprised- based on his telling of the stories, he handled the situations extremely well for a leader in the Church.

The first story was about calling someone to be a high counselor in a YSA stake, and the guy told him during the interview that he was gay and was probably going to start dating guys. The stake pres asked him if he planned to keep his temple covenants (specifically the law of chastity), the guy getting called said yes, and the stake pres told him that as long as that was the case there wouldn't be any problem with him holding a calling. He says he ended the interview by telling the guy to come back and let him know if anything changed and he wanted to be released, making sure to clarify that he wouldn't ask any invasive personal questions if that did happen. The way he told the story seemed to show a lot of respect for the guy's agency.

The second story was about a trans woman who came out to him in a personal interview she scheduled. (there's discussion of internalized transphobia here, read carefully) He explained that she was very clearly feeling a lot of anguish/mental distress over the decision to publicly transition, and that she was basically choosing between transition or suicide. It broke my heart when he recounted her asking if God would ever possibly accept her decision and not hate her. (Back to more positive stuff:) Please, if you're feeling the same, know that God has created you the way you are on purpose, that he loves you deeply, and that he would never bar you from coming home because of the way he made you.

The stake President explained how the experience taught him that being trans is not a choice. He said that to him, it didn't seem like a situation where agency was involved, rather that transitioning was the only good solution for her in a genuine crisis. I told him that this was a very familiar situation as it's what my aunt went through. She's luckily still with us and doing well!

Like I mentioned above, there were a few less-than-ideal comments: A- Stake Pres used he/him pronouns in his story about the trans woman. It's something I've noticed older folks doing frequently when they feel a need to make the direction of a transition clear but don't know about terminology like afab or amab. I didn't feel like it was very problematic in this case, more like Stake Pres just didn't know better. B - in both of the stories above, the people eventually decided to step away from active participation at church. Stake Pres expressed a lot of sorrow at that, kind of giving the impression of "unfortunately they didn't stay in the church for long after coming out." That attitude did feel problematic to me, but it's something I hope honest, heartfelt stories or conversations could help with. I really do believe that more genuine listening and dialogue is the solution to a lot of ideological differences and othering.

We ended our meeting with him thanking me again for coming in to meet, telling me that following promptings to help others is a good thing and that he agrees with my goals. He promised to reach out again after talking with his counselors about things I might be able to do to help.

Anyways, thanks for reading the really long post if you got this far. Let me know what you think, and remember that you are beautifully and wonderfully made!

Look queerstake! I was brave and did something scary 😊

[twigwing]

major spoilers for orv chapters 119, 277, 282, 305, 455, 488, other chapters. seriously don’t look at this if you aren’t done reading the novel lmao

thinking a lot about the ways kim dokja interacts with people in regards to vulnerability again. i would have to reread the entire novel with the goal of looking for and bookmarking that stuff specifically to really get to the meat of it all cuz it’s like, a major part of his character, but from the things i have observed and can re-find easily he makes me feel very. Augh. a moment that’s so important to me is when you first really get into his backstory, it’s delivered to us via him confiding in yoo sangah. big moment!! but he doesn’t like... entirely choose to do so actually? ysa just happened to overhear him angrily talking with his mother and she just happened to not leave it alone, so he caved because he was already all worked up about it and she was willing to listen

wow this got really long and has little to no structure uhhh [cuts it]

like. (text bolded by me for emphasis)

Disgusting. Now she wanted to act like a mother. Too many rivers had been crossed to go back now.

I couldn't bear it anymore and stood up. "That's right. I think that fiction is like reality. Why? It is because I have always been living that way."

"…"

"Maybe it seems pathetic to you. However, know this. At least I didn't sell 'reality as fiction' like you did."

I left the tent with these last words. Cool air entered my coat's collar and reached my body. I looked in front of me and saw the slightly startled Yoo Sangah.

"I-I'm sorry… Dokja-ssi was late…"

It was difficult. No, rather than difficult… It was shameful.

"Do you think it is strange? Why are a mother and son talking like that?"

"That's not true."

She was lying. It was extremely strange.

"Do you want to know?"

Yoo Sangah's eyes shook for a moment. "…If you don't mind."

I smiled bitterly. Yes, now was the time to talk.

and i think it’s really important that ysa is the one who got to hear it directly from him first because she seemed to earnestly want to get to know him at the company. she at least didn’t leave him alone (or worse, antagonize him) the way so many others did. she would make an effort to say hi to him and try interacting with him she rly saw his miserable detached-from-the-world self and was like “this guy looks painfully lonely. i will friend him” it’s good. she is one of the very few people that knew kdj before the scenarios and not just knowing of him but was actively around him in his space trying to connect (ch 2, ch 371) and still continued to approach him earnestly during the scenarios (though it eventually got more and more difficult. due to the [gestures at the novel] everything)

anyway with the trauma dumping. he’s so like. mean about it. it really really genuinely feels like someone carrying such a deep pain who has reached a limit just saying anything to alleviate some of the ache no matter how much it hurts them or the listener and the narration even says as much. he’s not the composed business-like yjh-emulating scenarios-era kim dokja right now. he’s just someone who is actively aching and ysa is just the one who is there with him for it. like i’ve had this type of conversation from both sides before and it sucks and no one is all that happy about it but still it’s happening

"I thought it was quite well-known at the company. Yoo Sangah-ssi didn't know?"

There was no answer from Yoo Sangah. She had belatedly realized that she had touched a wound she shouldn't have touched.

"Do you feel even stranger now? What she did was illegal, but you are wondering why I would hate my mother for that."

"No! I'm not Dokja-ssi so I don't fully understand…"

"Honestly, do you think I should forgive her?"

Yoo Sangah couldn't say anything. It couldn't be helped. The touched wound had already burst.

"Dokja-ssi…"

"My relatives also said this. My mother is a murderer. How dare she slip her face into the newspapers?"

Yoo Sangah wanted to say something but I kept going.

"It was a bit hard because of this. No, it was hard for a long time."

"…"

I didn't want an answer. I didn't want her to understand in the first place. Maybe this was the ugliest form of violence I could do against Yoo Sangah, who grew up in a well-off family. It was an arbitrary display of unhappiness forced onto someone who would never understand.

The kind Yoo Sangah would grieve knowing that it was impossible for her to understand. I laughed at the unknown sense of victory. "I'm sorry. It was a joke."

and then like, kdj clearly being so worked up over it and then going actually it was a joke!! nevermind!!! and he calms down because she just... silently holds his hand...

"It was a lie. Were you fooled? Do you think there is a novel like this? My mother and I are ordinary people and my father had an accident when I was young…"

Then something small and soft gripped my hand. The texture was so warm that I forgot what I was about to say. For a while… I stopped walking.

Yoo Sangah wasn't looking at me. Thus, I wasn't looking at her either. We walked hand in hand without facing each other. It was as if this alone was sufficient. Strangely, my heart gradually calmed.

[The exclusive skill, 'Fourth Wall' is shaking faintly.]

Perhaps it was due to the realistic body temperature.

this is probably the first time anyone has ever actually listened to him, without ulterior motives or nasty presumptions. the first time anyone has taken his pain this seriously. the first time anyone has reached out this way. and like, in a way it sucks that ysa was steamrolled, it would’ve been nice to hear what she wanted to say to him, but i think there wasn’t any other way this exchange could have happened? i don’t think he would have listened to anything ysa could possibly say to him. she said it herself, she doesn’t understand him! and i think anything she could’ve said may have just made him more worked up and he probably would’ve done something really stupid out of some misplaced sense of emotional revenge. early on when it comes to his mom/past he can get Mean even when it isn’t the whole of how he truly feels (ch 172)

My mother was silent for a moment. The silence cheered me up a bit. The fact that my mother expected me to love her and the idea that I could hurt her feelings excited me.

and then later, in ch 277, again with yoo sangah

I looked up at the sound of knocking and saw Yoo Sangah watching me from the door. "I'm sorry Dokja-ssi. Am I disturbing you?"

"No. I called you."

he reached out to her first! but...

We silently faced each other across the small table. I called her but I couldn't easily bring up the topic. Yoo Sangah must have many questions for me as well. I told her, "Just ask."

"In fact, I've been thinking about Dokja-ssi for quite some time." Her tone sounded like she had been waiting. "Why do you know the future that others don't know? How could you be so calm in such situations and always find answers that others haven't thought of?"

"Then did you find out something?"

"I seem to know some things while others don't feel right."

Perhaps Yoo Sangah had been studying me. Just as she studied Spanish with the app, Yoo Sangah would've studied people. As always, she reached meaningful results before anyone else.

[about some constellations and their ■■ implying ‘end’] “Now… Dokja-ssi has become one of them." Yoo Sangah was staring at me with complicated eyes. Her trembling eyes held feelings that she herself couldn't measure.

I replied, "It is a good thing."

"…It is good?"

"Now I can finally try something." I smiled. However, Yoo Sangah didn't smile back.

"After the destruction of the world, I thought Dokja-ssi was happier. You laughed more often than before and seemed more vigorous… thus, you looked good. By the way…" Yoo Sangah bowed her head. "Dokja-ssi, why do you think this world is fiction?"

Yoo Sangah didn't know me. What was 'fiction' to me? What did this world mean to me? I couldn't explain or describe it.

"Ah, I'm sorry Dokja-ssi. I was presumptuous…"

Nevertheless, the only person who could tell me such things was Yoo Sangah. She was a person who noticed things that nobody cared about.

...and then it’s heavily implied then later confirmed in ch 282 he outright tells her he’s going to sacrifice himself for them again, and that he’ll leave them in her care

"Sangah-ssi, what's going on?"

"Huh? Ah, yes. It's nothing.

Yoo Sangah, who was staring blankly into space, reacted with surprise. Her pupils were empty. Jung Heewon realized that something was strange [...]

I heard the cries of the party members and told them the necessary stories. Really. I really only told them what they needed.

[Please live.]

My head tickled as horns emerged from it. My back was sore from the wings. I could hear the screams of Jung Heewon and cries of Lee Hyunsung. The children reached out for me. Yoo Sangah, who heard the story from me in advance, couldn't take her eyes off me while crying. Yoo Sangah would do things well.

orv puts a lot of emphasis on how hard it is to reach out to people in both the physical and emotional sense and it makes me Explode. from ch 488 specifically

[...] In this world where only victims existed, no, a world where the wounds of the victims were in full display, here was the lone hand full of scars extending out to her.

⸢Kim Dokja was already extending his hand out from there.⸥

It wasn't just the person reaching out, but the one grasping that hand also required courage to do so.

Courage to hold that scarred hand, courage not to give up.

Even if she knew this wouldn't heal her, even if she knew that holding that hand would only inflict her with a greater wound – courage to hold that hand in order to live for one more time.

⸢Some salvations aren't completed by the one giving them out, but by those receiving them.⸥

[HOWLING LIKE A WOUNDED BEAST]

anywayyyyy. something i really love about kdj in particular is that he does actually seem to be a guy who likes affection. physical touch is comforting, and he expresses enjoying being fussed over and cared for (ch 305, occasionally during the JTTW remake (WHICH I COULD TALK AT LENGTH ABOUT THE THINGS HE THINKS ABOUT DURING THAT ARC MY GOD.), other times but i forget them atm cuz they’re usually passing moments). ultimately what he lacks most isn’t the desire/want/need, because he has plenty of that, but the courage

i’m also unsure how much of this thought/observation is him baseline vs him in scenarios (though i would assume he was the same due to the fact he worked minimum wage jobs since he was a teen and then the getting further ground to dust by life) but one of his issues seems to be like. believing there isn’t time or space for certain things? like in ch 305 when they forced him to take a nap he went “sweet” cuz he decided there was enough time for that

「 In fact, he could wake up anytime he wanted but Kim Dokja didn't do this. 」

Thus, I decided to be the audience of the play.

「 For the first time since the fall began, Kim Dokja slept comfortably. 」

It was the first time I felt this way. My heart was always impatient. Now I could be protected by someone. There were people I could trust.

–Take a break, Dokja-ssi.

…Yes, there was still some time until the 46th scenario. The moment I made up my mind, a full sleep came over me.

but then when they forced him to take an actual everyone kick back relax break in ch 455+ he was like What The Fuck. What The Fuck. because he decided there wasn’t ANY time for that we have a big scenario JUST around the corner

"Just what is going on…?"

"This is the workers' revolution, dumbass."

"Okay, you've been harping on about a revolution and whatnot for a while now, but…"

"Argh, I just want to take a damn break. Do I need to spell it out for you??"

I frowned after she berated me.

Taking a break?

"What are you talking about? Don't you know what era we're in right now?"

"What era are we in, then?"

I wasn't sure what to say when she retorted back like that. What did she mean by 'what' era we were in?

[Currently, the Nebula <Kim Dokja's Company> possesses the qualification to enter the Final Scenario.]

[Remaining time to enter the scenario is: 28 days, 12 hours, 15 minutes and 7 seconds.]

28 DAYS LMFAO kdj get off the grind!!!! go lay down!!!!!!!

idk this is really rambling and disjointed i just like him. i’m a kim dokja love account i’m gonna tie him to a chair and feed him room temperature soup just the way he likes it. you are loved (threat)

[mvgnvsvntimvjoris]

French songs recommendations for @your-ace-cousin-clover !

(I had a ton and I wrote a lot so I made a post to share them)

Specific Artists :

Julien Doré, he sometimes turns poems into songs, some don't have a clear story behind them but I do especially love "Corbeau Blanc" the whole album "Love" is incredible to me, he's an indie pop singer

Stromae, obviously ! He's Belgian but since he sings in French he's very welcome here, the play on words are just incredible, he recently sang about depression and suicidal thoughts in "l'enfer" and it touched me deep, he's doing electro (he has tons of good ones, like "Papaoutai", "quand c'est", "Tous les mêmes"....

Mylene Farmer, she's around since decades and was one of the few famous singers singing in french to talk about LGBT+ subjects and she just is so goth at times, a whole vibe if you will ! I have tons of favorite from her but it's very difficult to find online...I would recommand (from all decades) : "Tristana", "Comme j'ai mal" "Je te rend ton amour" "Beyond my control" "Sans contrefaçon" "C'est une belle journée" "L'histoire d'une fée, c'est..." "l'instant X", she's more 80s pop, synth

Mc Solaar, a true poet and rapper, "Mephisto Iblis", "Solaar Pleure", "RMI", “Da Vinci Claude”, "Caroline" (this one is a bit more sad raggae)

Eddy de Pretto, also a rapper but more singing and talking kind and more recent, he's one to break the code of “you can be gay and a rapper” in France, he's a really good one, I recommand "Kid" and "Fête de trop" from him, I need to listen to more of his work !

Orelsan, rapper friend with Stromae (they worked together a lot), he's a controversial guy because he uses characters in his songs and so he can talk with awful words but he doesn't condone them, I recommand "La pluie (feat Stromae)" , "L'odeur de l'essence", "tout va bien", "Basique", "fête de famille"

Angelo Branduardi, an oldie but a goodie ! He's more like...medieval kind of songs ? It's lovely haha "Confession d'un malandrin", "Bal en Fa dièse mineur", "La demoiselle"

Michel Polnareff (most 70s and 80s but I grew up with that kind of music so...) "Le Bal des Laze”, La mouche", "Goodbye Marylou”, “Lettre à France”, “Dans la maison vide","Qui a tué grand-maman"

Indochine (a french rock group that started in 1967 but still a big thing in france ! I'd say look through a bit of everything they've done ? big LGBT+ advocates, I'd say "J'ai demandé à la lune", "Marilyn"...The full albums of 2005 and 2007

Specific songs :

Thomas Fersen - "Chauve souris" (a song about a bat falling in love with an umbrella)

Desirless - "John" (about a man dying for his religion) and "Voyage Voyage" (about traveling ! classic 80s songs with an iconic singer)

Vendredi sur mer - "Ecoute Chérie" (kind of vaporwave synth song about a lesbian gaslighting her girlfriend)

Moos - "Au nom de la rose" (a sexy song about a man singing his wish to resurect his past lover)

VIDEOCLUB - "Roi" (talk singing electro a sort of poem of two lovers)

Ysa Ferrer - "Les yeux dans les yeux" (A true 2000 song, futuristic at the time, weird but fun now, a strange love affair)

Claudio Capéo - "ça va ça va", "Un homme debout" (about a homeless man calling for people to see him as human), "riche" (about how proud a man is about his future son no matter how smart or strong he will be)

Madame Monsieur - "Merci" (Mercy is the name a baby born on a boat of migrants, born in the name of all the lost lives)

Igit - "Lisboa Jerusalem" (a man singing how he regrets traveling because nothing is better than the woman he loved and left to travel)

Katerine - "78 - 2008" "100% V.I.P" "Louxor J'adore" (a VERY special singer, like excentric as F ? The first song is like a poem, the others are really weird but fun)

Kamini - "Marly-Gomont" "Parce qu'on est con" (Humoristic rap ? but with a true message, the first one is about his childhood, a black familly living in northern rural france and suffering the racism there but still loving the town, the second is about how humanity can really be stupid and do all the wrong choices)

Helmut Fritz - "ça m'enerve" (typical club humor song from the 2000's a classic lmao, it’s about a rich guy being pissed off about mondane things)

SAULE - Dusty men (feat Charlie Winston) (It's both english and french about cowboys looking for a treasure)

Barbara - "L'aigle noir" (really old song but I always loved it ? It's about a girl falling asleep and waking up to a black eagle with red eye getting close to her and approaching her gently. It seems so sweet and dream like until you learn what the theme of the song really is about...The singer later explained that it's about her father who abused her as a child, so..yeah, the song is powerful)

Emmanuel Moire - "Beau Malheur" (singing about how to heal you have to first suffer)

Ben L'oncle Soul - "Petite soeur" (Soul ! Uplifting and fun song ! The man talks to his sister about how she scares potentiel boyfriends because of her attitude and she is really something !)

Jeanne Mas - "En rouge et noir (1986)", "Johnny Johnny" "Sauvez moi" "Toute première fois“ (oldie but I just love her vibe, it's pure 80s pop)

Bibi - "Tout doucement" (a woman leaving her husband and singing about how she wants to change things and how slow the healing will be)

Les cowboy fringants - "Plus rien" (a depressing song about the end of the world and the last man standing, scary how on point it might be and this is years and years old)

Daniel Balavoine - "Tous les cris les S.O.S", "Le chanteur" (a singer with a lot of power in his voice and powerful messages, I love his voice ?)

Manau - "La tribu de Dana" (Rap, the story of a town from the celtic ages and their fight against invaders)

Aaron - "Le tunnel d'Or" (about a relationship that ended badly and the suffering of the man who loved a woman who didn't love him in return)

Emilie Simon - "Chanson de toile" (a really soft remake of a medieval song that women used to sing between them while sewing, waiting for the return of their husbands)

Michel Berger - "le paradis blanc” (a really sad song about loss), “la groupie du pianiste" (about a woman loving a pianist but the man is an egoist who only loves his craft)

Cabrel - "Les murs de poussières" (about generations and what it means to have a place to call home)

Les Rita Mitsouko - "Marcia Baïla" (a must at french parties ? It's excentric and the song that is a tribute to a dancer and friend of the band)

M - "Matchistador" (about a macho man trying to flirt), "Onde sensuelle" (a love song, flirty) (he’s a talented guitar player and lover of word play, lots of his songs are fun to listen to !)

Michel Sardou - "Les lacs du Connemara", "Afrique Adieu" (also an oldie one but i grew up with these songs)

Charlie Widstock - "Rendez-vous" (the man wants a rendez-vous, with you !)

Serge Gainsbourg - "Mon légionnaire" (originaly it's an Edith Piaf song but I love his version more ? he sang/talk it and it's still about a short love story about a military man who left his lover and died at war, so here it's pretty gay even tho to avoid being censured by TV at the time he made the video about losing his child to war)

Gjorn - "Tout l'univers" (the live eurovision version is the best in my opinion ? Incredible song about being a part of the universe and being reunited as one after death)

Clio - "T'as vu" (small breakup song, the couple argued and she went for a walk but is coming back)

Alice et Moi - "c'est toi qu'elle préfère" (calling this the lesbian anthem of sad jealousy)

The musical theater : 

Mozart L'opéra rock (that's a favorite of mine),

Notre Dame de Paris,

Roméo et Juliette,

Les Dix commandements

Also :

Don't hesitate to watch disney in french or listen to the songs ! Unless you don't like dubbed songs, which I understand ! I always loved the Nightmare before christmas in french !

[hariosborn]

 sirius black fic rec list!!

okay but imagine having sirius black fall in love with you...a concept 😌

the feeling that we’re meeting again by @writesowhatnext

cross house relationships!!!!! literally yall are missing out if you project yourself into the same house as your lover!! you’re missing out on the tension, the passion, the romance!!! and once you get out of hogwarts and that tension is still there!!! post hogwarts sirius!!! hes so hot!!! and grumpy >:) you can never go wrong with slowburn fics!! 

the risk of love by @with1love1anu

ive been following anu for foreeeeeever and she never fails!! her writing is always so good and shes one of my favorite marauders era writers <33 you’ll see as you go down this list - but i love pining fics like im obsesssssed!! ooo and this one has a hint of best friend james and it just makes the story 10x better! 

breakfast in bed by @wondernimbus

when authors are 14 years old but can write flawlessly even though i struggle doing simple short stories in english class 😘not but fr ysa is such a good writer xx. breakfast in bed! what would yall eat 🤔if we’re talking abt english food (like food from england) idk what they eat over there tbh but i would pick roasted potatoes and waffles for breakfast :) wait actually no i wouldn’t, id probably do french toast with powdered sugar, strawberries, and french fries. ik it sounds weird but i had that the other day and i teared up, it tasted so good. but in this fic they have something even better!! have you ever wondered what it would be like to have toast, strawberry flavored muffins, and fruit for breakfast, all from the comfort of your bed, with the one and only sirius black? well look no further bc this fic has that and everything more!! 

godmother by @blisfvll

jen does it again!! coming through with the godmother!reader x godfather!sirius fics <33 (shes on this list three times bc she just writes so much good sirius content 😫) not to be morbid but when im gone i want someone to talk abt me the way sirius talks about the reader 😔i just love the way the sirius talked about her so lovingly and treated her like this ethereal being and painted her like this angel bc that must be so comforting for harry knowing that not only are his parents looking after him but his angel of a godmother is too ♥︎

oh shit + pt2 by @im-a-writer-right 

big brother remus am i right! as the oldest child, i love reading fics where im the younger sibling bc i just want someone to be able to look after me and care for me and be protective abt who i date bc they’re like “ i just don’t want you to get hurt” 😔 but anyways - this was a rlly cute and funny fic! i love snarky sirius and butthead james and overprotective remus and scared of falling for her brothers best friend reader :) if you like those all too you should read this one 😌

warnings by @blisfvll  

i felt like i was watching a short film! i loved this one! its so well written that you can like watch the play by play of everything happening in your head, like its sooo good! im sorry i keep putting so many angsty fics on this list 🥺👉🏼👈🏼 they’re just all so beautifully written and jen is such an amazing writer <33 

just a natural fact by @iliveiloveiwrite 

MILLIE!! YOU DID IT AGAIN!! guys if you are not following millie pls do i freaking love her sh*t and shes so far been on every fic rec list ive made :)) back to the review tho! im a very big fan of those timeskip fics like where theres a scenario for every year at hogwarts - and this one is one of those and i just - AGHHHGH!!! idk if this counts as a slowburn but like as someone who injects themself into the hogwarts timeline and pretends to be studying for her NEWTS when shes really doing AP work - i love reading about study sessions w remus where sirius tries to interject himself so he can be close to you 😊i dont want to spoil anything but like the tagline “Break my heart. Break it a thousand times if you like. It was only ever yours to break.” RUINED ME!! and you know what! i’ll do it again! i will read this fic and let it ruin me three more times and ten more times and however many i feel like! so yes, if you couldn’t tell, i love this one, and you guys should totally read it

die for you by @blisfvll 

i like to torture myself with sad fics so now im passing them along to you so we can all cry together ;( domestic life with sirius is something so very personal to me 😌so ofc i jumped at the idea of being harry’s godparent along w hubby sirius! but do not be fooled by my review - this one is sad - but its totally worth it!!! the things we do for baby harry am i right?? i am right 😌

wrapped around my finger by @remusishotterthansirius

jealous sirius jealous sirius jealous sirius!! oooo and when he growls >:)) i love the idea of being like this unattainable magical being in sirius’s eyes and you’re just like completely unaware of his feelings and it just adds to the mystery about you like imagine him sitting with the marauders by the black lake and him picking at a flower being like “she loves me, she loves me not, she loves me, she loves me not” and then him being all sad and pouty once the petals are all gone and he was left with ‘she loves me not’ :(( but  n e  ways - this was so cute and so masterfully written and i just love everything this author puts out so do not be surprised if you see at least one of their works on every single one of my hp fic rec lists >:))

misunderstandings by @imagineitup

oof this one really played with my heart! you know those fics where someones feelings are painfully obvious and you just want the other person to finally realize so they can both be put out of their misery and then go on to have this cute relationship BUT NONE OF THAT CAN HAPPEN UNTIL THEY COME TO THE REALIZATION THAT THEY ARE CAPABLE OF BEING LOVED!!! i love those fics and this is one of them :)))

thats all for my recs! sorry this ones so short - ive been drifting in and out of life, and school has been hard for me. there was a lot more to this list but a lot of my favorite writers have left tumblr so i dont have as much to share w yall 😔and theres obviously so many more amazing writers out there, im just sharing what i know! i’m thinking of just finishing up the other fic rec lists i have and then im going to move over to anime recs! ive been obsessed w haikyuu lately and theres a lot of fics i want to share with others - so if you guys don’t stick around for that i totally understand - but don’t worry im not making that switch till much later ✌🏼love you all so much! hope you’re all taking care of yourself, but dont worry if you’re not, its always a process so don’t put too much pressure on yourself to get stuff done and make sure to celebrate what you do get done! congratulate yourself when no one else will, and remember i’ll always be in your corner cheering you on! 

happy reading!

- love, hari !!

[leefi]

Han Sooyoung and Yoo Sangah

omg. women ❤️

Sexuality Headcanon:

HSY: biphobic bisexual etc. Etc. She doesn't think she's straight and she doesn't think she's gay. She straight up just doesn't think about it but she does have this inexplicable hatred towards bi people also poly people because somebody's definitely gotta be jealous of somebody else in this situation and ppl are definitely being left out and she just thinks they should stop lying to themselves and just be in couples like normal peopeb

YSA: I don't have a strong hc for her - I've gone from seeing her as bi to lesbian to aro and none of them really stuck in my head as "yes, this is her". I have to write her more to figure it out!

Gender Headcanon:

I think it's very funny when HSY is just a fucking cis girl and has absolutely no gender going on. I ALSO think having her present more masc or express some degree of gender fluidity is very good too. WRT the "cis girl" thing I think this could be a case of like with her sexuality where she just straight up never Thought about it because she grew up so isolated from other people. If she's gf (gluten free) she definitely transes her gender later. same applies to kdj tbh.

A ship I have with said character:

HSY - sangsoo had me in a chokehold for like the first 200 chapters of orv i was vacuuming up those crumbs like a cordless dyson and i think even wit yhk they do kiss occasionally to maintain their sisterly bonds you understand. and jhw is there too ofc ofc. And of course yoohankim ❤️ three bottoms in a trenchcoat. destined soulmates because they ❤️ chose kdj every time and ❤️ are responsible for the deaths of millions for each other and are two sexy people cursed by some guy's dick and yeah. it's good. I'm a very firm believer in not separating them but doksoo is of course phenomenal and 1863rd + 1865th yoohan has me in a fucking chokehold. 1863rd HSY throws her life away for all of eternity and damns millions for the sake of just one man's life and is doomed to never meet him and reconcile that. Screams. HSY was also the first person SP made a covenant with (which says all you need to know about SP's personality LMDJSJSJ) and the way she is the arbiter of YJH's destruction in 1863 and the way they tiptoe around each other in 1865-onward??? god God god god there's so much they need to acknowledge about each other.

Ok now that I talked about how enamored I am with toxic horrible 1863rd yoohan it's time to talk about my other favorite 1863rd ship HSY x Lee Seolhw (a train blares past me at this mom

wrt sangsoo - I love it and I think it's more than just dog girl/cat girl gf syndrome. I think there's a lot to be explored wrt how YSA grew up around fake rich people and she meets this woman who gives absolutely zero shits about any decorum whatsoever. HSY grew up around no one and YSA grew up around So Many but never felt Loved. And then this very short hissing cat hisses into her life and wow this is the exact opposite of what she expected love to look like. But it's Genuine.

YSA - me <3, sangsoo, yooyoohankim but not really. Like. My feelings about this are very conflicted but I think she's the most adjacent to them if that makes sense. Like if anyone was gonna be their fourth it would obviously be her but I just can't see her being romantic with any of them WHEN they're a unit (including hsy). Like. I think the three of them fight over who gets to be her date to public functions. Like she's the main character of their breakfast table gossip. This tweet describes best what I'm going for here I shan't elaborate further

Bonus OT3 - one of my Twitter mutuals brought up the possibility of YSA/JHW/LHS where the two of them basically amicably share JHW and I think that's super cute . Give her a boyfriend and a girlfriend .

A BROTP I have with said character:

YSA- YOOYOO YOOYOOOOOOO YJH YJH YIH YJH YJH YJG THERE'S SO MUCH POTENTIAL FOR HILARITY AND NOBODY UNDERSTANDS. NOBODY UNDERSTANDS THE LEVELS OF COMEDIC DUO AND #GIRL SOLIDARITY THESE TWO COULD GLHAVE TOGETHER AFTER HE TRIES TO KILL HER 84 TIMES ONE DAY ILL WRITE A DISSERTATION ABOUT THIS. Yooyoo is that character dynamic where one person takes a rivalry SUPER seriously and the other is extremely oblivious about it but of course YSA isn't oblivious about anything. She's extremely pleasant to him for the express purpose of pissing him off more. I think after joongdok are solidly a thing he stops being a freak towards her and then we get the powerful #girl friendship, because I believe that a lot of his initial dislike towards her stems from the fact that she seems to intuitively understand kdj so much better than he does. and of course because I have to make even brotps poly add LHS for <3 yeeyee <3

also YSA/SWK. I want them to work out whatever the fuck is going on there. Like...Did YSA adopt any of her memories? Did she keep any tics,mannerisms from her body's previous owner? Does her laugh sound different now in a weirdly familiar way? There's so much to unpack there...I want them to sit down and talk things out.

HSY - on the topic of brot3s HSY/JHW/KDJ. please don't ask me to elaborate. but do take this

also doksoo. of course. yes they're together. yes they're also bros . i also think it's very funny when yjh third wheels This dynamic

A NOTP I have with said character:

Honestly HSY/JHW?? though disclaimer when I say NOTP 90% of the time I'm not using it in the way most others do - very rarely does a ship genuinely BOTHER me. Like I'll read HSY/JHW fic and enjoy it, if you wrote me a good pitch you'd probably get me fully on board with it, I just think that TO ME their relationship is better as (this is gonna sound so "they're not gay they just have a brotherly bond!" im so sorry) two very different people who did NOT get along in any sense and still pushed that all aside and cooperated for the sake of something bigger than them both. And then grew to love each other like family out of it. I think adding a layer of sexual tension to that detracts from the genuine distaste they had towards each other - and not in the "but she's still so sexy way". they just straight up did not like each other, but they did love each other. does that make sense? probably not. but maybe one day they looked at each other after sharing a laugh, and each privately thought to themselves "hey? maybe she isn't so bad after all." and that was the start to a very slow-budding, but eventually unbreakable friendship. but of course first hsy said something stupid to break the mood and jhw nearly killed her

for YSA? none really I am open to anything.

A random headcanon:

HSY - hsy doesn't understand why she does things. she is incapable of self-reflection. she just acts. this was what kdj meant when he compared her to yjh. sorry to insert men into women's spaces but I'm gonna make this about KDJ for a second - he's really good at self-analysis but has zero emotional intelligence. Like he can objectively recognize trauma but has no idea how to guide himself through it and thinks that recognition is sufficient. hsy and yjh are the inverse of him where they are more emotionally intelligent (granted, not by much...) But aren't as good at self reflection

YSA - I kind of mixed this with opinion see below. Oh another one! I think that she and JHW taught the kids how to drive together :)

and sometimes I wonder if she misses her friends from the library :( we never heard from them again...were they still stuck inside kdj's head after thousands of years or like

General Opinion over said character:

YSA - meow meow meow meow :) meow meow. Meow meow meow meow meow meow meow. Meow meow. Meow meow meow meow. Meow <3 😙👩🏼‍❤️‍👩🏻👩🏼‍❤️‍👩🏻👩🏼‍❤️‍👩🏻👩🏼‍❤️‍👩🏻👩🏼‍❤️‍👩🏻👩🏼‍❤️‍👩🏻👩🏼‍❤️‍👩🏻👩🏼‍❤️‍👩🏻👩🏼‍❤️‍👩🏻👩🏼‍❤️‍👩🏻👩🏼‍❤️‍👩🏻

I love nice characters who are more than just their niceness! When they're optimistic and it's compelling! I firmly believe that YSA was KDJ's closest confidant - and therefore technically the most "complicit" in his constant self-endangerment - because she believed with him in possibility of a happy ending. And if he needed to do what he needed to do to get there, she'd support him unequivocally along the way.

HSY - I would straight up hate her if she was a real person that I knew. Like I would fucking despise her. Adore her as a character though she's my war criminal wifey <3 I've said this before but I have like. A very strong conviction that 1863!HSY is the most tragic character of ORV and whenever I think about her too long I go absolutely insane. A mutual on twitter mentioned how the original sin in orv is actually love...

[purplesurveys]

1142

survey by tickticktmr

Do you have a digital camera? What color is it? No, haven’t held one in years. The last digital camera we had was a bit of a magenta shade; it actually belonged to my sister but I borrowed it occasionally.

Did you like the movie Juno? It was ok, though to be honest I’ve mostly forgotten what it’s about. I remember fairly liking it but it’s not the type of movie or genre I’d rewatch.

Name something you think is way over-rated: Big Macs, which I’ve never found tasty.

Do you remember your first friend? Yes, it was a girl named Kaye that I sat with in preschool. She didn’t stay too long in my school, so I haven’t been able to reconnect.

Would you rather live with your mom, dad, a friend or on your own? On my own.

Name something your pet(s) like: Walks.

Do you listen to country music? No, I don’t.

What does the color white remind you of? Peace, serenity, doves, minimalist homes.

What show/movie/song makes you cry every time? Show: From Brooklyn Nine-Nine - either the episode where Rosa Diaz comes out as bisexual or the episode where Terry gets racially profiled.

Movie: La vita e bella.

Song: There isn’t one song that makes me cry 100% of the time, but I suppose Why We Ever by Hayley Williams had this effect on me for a time.

What was your last fight about? I spilled a drop of our dinner’s soup on the dinner table last Thursday and my mom did a sufficient job making me feel incompetent and a dumbass about it, so I was hurt by it and didn’t speak a word for the rest of the evening. Not really a fight, but y’know.

Do you text a lot? I used to not but anymore. I usually get prepaid for LTE now, not to have credits for texts.

Have you ever been screamed at by a teacher? Many times. A number of them didn’t like me for whatever reason...

Do you smile or scowl more? I definitely try to smile more, but idk for sure if that’s what I do more frequently.

Obama or Bush? Idk, maybe Obama? Considering we were colonized by the US at one point and imperialism remains to linger in my country, I generally don’t take kindly to any US president, though.

Batman or Superman? I don’t like comic books.

Are you excited about Blink 182 getting back together? I don’t follow the band so I’m not sure how recent or relevant this news is, but  generally speaking I don’t remember ever being stoked for a Blink-182 comeback in particular.

Would you rather be a teacher, a stripper or a hairdresser? I’d go with teacher, and preferably of history, so that I at least can have an hour or so to talk about my passion with other people lol.

The last person you spoke to: how many times have they made you cry? Just once.

What's your favorite kind of gum? The classic bubblegum flavor is fine with me.

Have you ever failed a class in school? Just exams, but never altogether an entire class that required me to retake.

Are you even in school? No, not anymore.

Are you taller then your best friend? No haha, I’m slightly tinier than both of them.

Are you scared of spiders? I’d be scared probably of the larger kinds, but all we get here are the super small spiders so this isn’t an issue for me for the most part.

You can't eat anything ever again except for jello or apples: which one? Probably apples. I cannot stand the texture of jelly/Jell-O, and I guess I can move past my dislike of fruits for this situation since apple is kinda decent anyway.

Have you ever cheated on anyone? No, never man.

If you answered yes to the last question, do they know about it?

Do you paint your nails often? I never do and I never have them done either.

Mascara or lipgloss? Er lipgloss I guess, since I literally don’t care how my eyelashes look.

Who’s the last person you called? I think it had been Denise, a co-worker. 

Describe the last person who sent you a text: It was just the delivery guy who brought Ysa’s gift to my place, so I don’t know enough about him to be able to give a sufficient description.

Do you ever watch TV shows or movies on YouTube? No, because for the most part they would be high- or low-pitched, in a tiny screen, sped up, zoomed in, or altogether fake. I also don’t understand why buying movies individually on YouTube is still a thing when Netflix exists for literally cheaper.

Myspace or facebook? Uh Facebook, I guess.

How old were you when you lost your first tooth? I was around 5 or 6, I think.

Have you ever embarassed yourself in front of someone you like? Yeah. But when I started dating them, fucking up in front of them became less embarrassing, of course.

Describe your hair right now: Wet and slightly dripping since I just stepped out of the shower.

Do you like it when it rains? Yes, it’s my favorite weather.

Does anyone miss you right now? I hope my friends do...but I can’t say for sure.

How many funerals have you been to? None. Just wakes.

Where's your favorite place to hang out? Depends on the vibe I’m feeling for the day and the company I’ve got.

Have you ever laughed so hard you peed in your pants? Oh gee, never.

Do you like video games? What's your favorite one? I was raised around video games and so much of my childhood was watching my kuya, dad, and a number of my uncles completing games, so I definitely hold a big appreciation and fondness for them. I never inherited any skills of my own though lmao, so I mostly watch walkthroughs; and the only video games I’ve ever met considerable progress on are Nintendo games marketed for all audiences HAHAHA.

Have you ever worn something your parents wouldn't approve of? Yeah I’ve gotten chided by my mom a handful of times, telling me to cover up with a jacket or something. But her reasoning was always men, so I’m usually able to defend myself and say that that’s not my problem and that’s something fucking men have to deal with themselves. We both know I’m right so she ends up begrudgingly letting me go out with whatever outfit I choose on that given day.

Where are your sibling(s)? They are in their respective bedrooms.

When's the last time a friend got dumped/dumped someone? September. That friend was Gabie and the dumpee was me hahahah, does that count?

Do you celebrate Valentine's day? If I have a significant other, yeah. I like keeping our activities lowkey though because from all my past experiences, malls and restaurants tend to get fully booked on February 14 and it ends up being more of a (very crowded) hassle than a celebration.

Do you celebrate Christmas? Yep.

Does it snow where you live? Never.

Have you ever wanted a pet unicorn? I never did, actually.

Would you like to work to earn money, or simply have money given to you? The latter is obviously the ideal situation, but I recognize the importance of hard work too and constantly working on my skills.

If you could be on any game show, what one would it be? Jeopardy or Family Feud.

Do you know anyone whose famous? Yes, at least locally.

Do you read those gossip magazines? I used to, lol those were my guilty pleasures back then. I still keep up with celebrity updates, but I’ve moved to social media now. I also filter which publications I consume and avoid the tabloid-y ones like Daily Mail.

Summer or winter? I’d go with winter so that I can actually experience it for once.

What do you hear right now? I’m watching an archived Facebook livestream of a senior citizen who had held a virtual piano concert to raise funds to afford his maintenance medicine. The media ate it up like crazy and it’s since gone viral, so I was able to I read about him earlier tonight. He reminds me so much of my late grandpa so I quickly searched for the finished concert on Facebook and now I have it on :)

When's the last time you saw a cousin? Around two weeks ago.

Where were you the last time you left your house? I can’t remember exactly. I think I went to Feliz...OH OK I remember now - I originally went to the nearby SM to handle an LBC delivery for work, and to stay at Starbucks for a few hours also to work. After that I went to their vape stall to buy new pods but they didn’t have any for the vape brand I use, so I went to Feliz as well to try my chances there. They ended up having a few flavors but not what I usually get, so I decided to try a new one - grape lol.

Describe the room you are in: Dark, filled with the lovely sounds of piano music, and the faint smell coming from my scented candle. Overall, light and peaceful.

What shoes did you wear today? I wore my Onitsukas when I walked Cooper this morning.

[nerdygaymormon]

Maybe you've answered this before, but why don't you just leave your church? Doesn't it bother you being part of something that rejects you? Don't you want love? I don't understand why gay people ever stay in that church.

I get these questions from time to time. Never sure what to make of them. I get that it’s unusual for a gay guy my age to still be part of church. I hope part of this is they like me and want me to be happier. But it also feels like they are looking down on me, idk.

I don’t have a short, simple answer, so strap in, it’s going to be a long ride.

1)   I was a teenager in the 1980’s. It is hard to be gay now, but it was so bad back then. Being gay was shameful. The 80′s was the AIDS crisis, so mostly what I heard about being gay was death. There were no legal protections, society was against us. Actively hostile, bigoted statements were common. My own dad told homophobic jokes to big laughs. Coming out looked like I’d be condemning myself to a terrible life and strip all the good things from me.

Also, with no role models, I was having to work through what it means to be gay. I also did manage to get ahold of a gay porn magazine (this is long before internet was a thing). I was crazy to think I could hide it. I shared a room with three brothers so no privacy. Despite my denials, my parents knew this was mine and they were so upset. My dad now tells me he wishes he sent me to conversion therapy once he learned I had this magazine. Can you imagine?

2)   I grew up believing in this church, which included the terrible things taught about me as a gay person. At age 19 when my bishop challenged me to pray about going on a mission, I instead prayed to know if God could possibly love me (which is really sad that a kid could grow up in church and not know that). I felt love radiate across my body as a voice in my ear said “You are not broken.” That experience sustained me for a long time

3)   I went on a mission in the 1990’s. If you haven’t been on a mission, it’s probably a surprise that it can be a relief. There’s no pressure to date. I could form close bonds with other men, and even though these are non-romantic relationships, they are intensely close.

4)   I was still in the closet when I went to the church schools in Rexburg & Provo. At the end of my first semester, my roommate came on to me and let me feel him up and stuff. I went to sleep thinking maybe the two of us could leave the church, transfer to a different school, say goodbye to my family and we could have a life together. It would be a huge sacrifice for both of us and I thought he felt the same, but the next morning he turned me in to our bishop. I thought I was going to get kicked out of school, be sent home in disgrace, maybe disciplined out of the church, but instead I was put on probation and had to stay the summer in Rexburg. I was heartbroken and swore off love and focused on school. At the end of the summer, to my surprise the bishop made me the elders quorum president.  

That first roommate, we were best friends. He is Bi and decided a life with a woman would be easier, and considering it was the 1990′s, he was correct. He left school a few days later, met a woman and got married. I hate how he ended things, but I don’t blame him for the future he chose for his life.

5)   BYU in Provo was my backup school, and reluctantly it’s where I transferred to. It turned out that I genuinely liked BYU with 2 exceptions, the severe restrictions the Honor Code placed on LGBT students (which was the same as at the Rexburg campus), and the fierceness with which the Honor Code Office sought to enforce those restrictions. Occasionally I’d hear rumors of sting operations they had done to catch gay students. There was this low-level fear always of getting caught whilst a student in Provo. My roommates also expressed their dislike of anything remotely gay. Even though I kept the rules, I didn’t dare tell anyone that I’m gay because the potential cost was high.

While at BYU I had a major faith crisis. I no longer believed a lot of the truth claims of the church, but I wasn’t about to lose all that tuition money. I stuck it out. So not only was I pretending to be straight, I also had to act as though nothing about church bothered me.

6)   The same voice that told me I am not broken would occasionally tell me that it’s okay to pursue relationships. It gave me great hope. I still get that message. Being a good Mormon, I thought this meant that somehow God was going to change the church. In the temple I’d hear that it’s not good for man to be alone and the law of chastity was presented in a way that could include me if I was married to a husband (the temple says no sex except “with your husband or wife to whom you’re legally and lawfully wedded”).

7)   After BYU, I should have come out and gotten on with life, but I didn’t. My first job was working for a Mormon boss. A landlord who is LDS gave me a deal on rent. Coming out seemed like it would disrupt my life in really negative ways. Plus YSA Wards were a source of friends and support network.

8)   In my 30’s I was no longer in YSA wards, and the world was getting better for gay people. The fight for gay marriage was in full swing, and so many of the people in my life were very opposed to it. It bothered me that the church was so opposed and fought gay marriage because in my head, it was a way for me to follow God’s promptings and pursue a relationship.

Being a Mormon is very much an identity. It’s hard to peel off. It’s my social network, it’s what much of family life revolves around, It’s a belief system and way of viewing the world. it’s a map of what one’s goals in life should be, and so on. Staying in the closet kept the rest of my world intact.

I know you’re thinking wtf, you’re a grown man, own your life!!! I grew up in an unstable family situation (we had many financial troubles and moved frequently), so I crave stability. Remaining in the closet and in the church were keys to maintaining that stability.

9)   Squashing all my romantic and sexual feelings also shuts down most other feelings. I spent most of my 20’s & 30’s feeling numb, like I was watching life but not a part of it. I spent those years wishing I was dead, that a bus would hit me or a major disease would strike. Those kinds of deaths would end my misery and also be okay for my family because they wouldn’t have to know I’m gay. I recognize now how messed up that is.

10)   The great source of happiness in those years was being an uncle. I’m the oldest of 7 children, my siblings had lots of babies born in those years. The joys of being an uncle only increased the pressure to stay in the closet and in the church because if I didn’t, my only source of happiness might be taken away.

11)   I finally reached the point where I was tired of going through the motions of having a life. I was ready to come out. Rather than make some grand announcement, I decided to be honest with anyone who asked about my life. When someone tried to set me up with their friend, I would ask if she had a brother. As these sorts of situations came up, I was coming out to people one by one.

I didn’t exactly “come out” to my family. I figured since my parents had found the gay porn mag when I was a teen, and then gay porn malware on the computer when I was college student, they probably already knew (and they did, but were in denial). Also, I thought coming out would be saying I’m not trustworthy and an awful person for having pretended to be something I wasn’t for so long (not true, but that’s how I thought of it).

12)   I’m such a late bloomer that I sometimes am embarrassed about it, especially now that so many people come out in their 20′s and even as teenagers. At the first Pride parade I attended, someone told me that we all come out when it’s right for us, and this was my time. I think that’s true.

13)   Most of my adult life in church was being pianist in Primary. Shortly after I started telling people I’m gay is when I was called to be in the stake young men presidency. My stake president says he looked over at me playing piano one day and thought, “that man has much more to offer.” I wonder if it’s because I was more confident, my identities were less in conflict than they’d been in the past, I wasn’t afraid and hiding.

As stake young men president, I made sure I knew by name and something about every youth in the stake. I wanted them to know they were seen, they were heard, they were loved. Teens go through such hard things and I wanted to be a kind, supportive person in their life. Most youth don’t know who the stake youth leaders are, but they all knew me. Several told me about hard things in their life and some even came out to me. Parents of gay teens would come speak to me and I’d let them know life in church is hard and unfair, ways they could help support their teen, and prepared them that their child’s likely path would be out of the church. I felt like I bloomed in this calling and made a difference.

14)   In 2015 marriage became legal for same-sex couples across the USA due to a Supreme Court ruling. I thought that finally the church would have to come to terms with it and accept it. But then came the November policy banning the children of gay couples from being members. It felt like a punch in the gut and I nearly walked away. I was still stake young men president and weighed whether the difference I made in this calling was worth putting up with how church clearly didn’t want me. 

15)   To help my parents buy a house, I had a bunch of their debt put into my name and I lived in the house with them. At the time it seemed a good way to avoid the loneliness of being on my own. But living with them also made walking away from the church tricky.

16)   A month later I hit the 3-year mark of serving in the stake young men’s program, I was released from that and called to be stake executive secretary. My stake president told me that anyone can make appointments, but he wanted my unique viewpoint in all the highest councils of the stake. In this calling I occasionally meet general authorities and I speak with them about being gay in the church. My stake President recently joked that he has twice been a counselor in a stake presidency and now is a stake president, and in those years he’s met many general authorities, yet I have way more impact on them than he ever has.

17)   Shortly after getting this new calling, in 2016 I started my tumblr blog. Eventually I used the blog as a way to examine, explore and record what it’s like to be gay in the LDS church. In some ways this blog is one giant pep talk to myself.

18)   In 2017 my blog exploded, one of my posts went viral. It’s almost like God got tired of waiting on me, now I was out to everyone who knows me, and many more.

All of a sudden I had so many hurting Mormon LGBT people contacting me, most were teens and twenty-something’s. I’ve tried to help them, to affirm them. In many ways it feels like the years as stake young men president working with teens, the years I spent developing a spiritual independence, the studying & thinking about how being gay can work with the gospel, the fears & worries that are part of being in the closet, all of that prepared me for this.

19)   Later in 2017 my mental health dived. I became suicidal. I started therapy. I finally had to face how harmed I’ve been by my time in church. I also had to admit I will never be enough in this church, I can never reach the goals & purpose of life as laid out by the church,. My therapist helped me see that I need another framework for what a successful life looks like and what would make for a joyful life.

In 2018 I was still in therapy and was diagnosed with social anxiety disorder, which partly explains why coming out and leaving the church were so difficult. The major driving motivation of this disorder is wanting to not disappoint people.

20)   My therapist says I feel things more deeply than most people, but because I’d pushed down my feelings so long, it’s actually a bit scary to feel so much. I also started dating and trying to get gay friends. These sorts of big changes were hard for me. The psychologist said, in an amused tone, that I fully examine a path before I’m willing to take a step down it, meaning I’m cautious and slow to get going, but am certain when I begin of where I’m going.

21)   Some of my family openly embraces me as gay and loves me no matter what. Some make their love and access to their children conditional on my being in church.

22)   I thought 2018 would be the year I leave the church. There’s a personal reason I haven’t; I feel there’s one more thing to do, a friend whom I can help. That I came ahead to pave the way for this friend.

I know this all sounds crazy, talking about a voice telling me it’s okay to have gay relationships or that I have some missions in life to accomplish. That’s part of faith, I guess.

23)   It’s unfair to say I’m still attending church for my friend. First, I don’t want him to feel any pressure. Second, it’s my decision, not his. I also am working on paying off debt so I can more easily live on my own, I’ve joined Affirmation and met a lot of LGBT Mormons/post-Mormons and feel like there’s something of a potential support group/friendships there. I’m thinking of changing jobs, even moving to a different university. In other words, I’m laying the groundwork to make any shift more smooth. Whether I take a breather from church or not, these are good things to do.

24)   I’m in my 40′s and can see that in some important ways I’ve lived a stunted life. But I’m also able to use my voice to speak up for LGBT individuals inside the church, to try to make this little corner of church kinder and more receptive.

25)   I can’t even imagine what you’re thinking of me. A hypocrite, someone who stays with an organization that contributed to my own mental health crisis. Someone too afraid to live. I can’t undo my past and all that lost time. I’ve made a lot of progress and am moving forward. I also believe and hope that things I share on this blog and things I say in my local church help LGBT members.

Maybe you can understand, maybe you can’t, why my life went so differently from yours. I’m certain you won’t agree with a number of decisions I made, but they were mine to make and they explain where I’m at now.

[ladyseaheart1668]

Endless Summer Book 4 : Daughter of Vaanu (Chapter Thirty-Three)

Description: It is a day to give thanks. But our heroes know they must always keep on their guard

Tagging: @mysteli @xo-endlessmayhem-xo @princesstopgun @endlesshero1122 @whatmcsaid @tigerbryn11 @feartheendlesssummer

Notes: Whew! This is a long one! ^_^; Once again, I want to thank @endlesshero1122 for inventing five characters and giving me full permission to use them. Dylan, RJ, Ysa, Zig (not Ortega!), and Alex are those characters, and you will all be seeing a lot more of them. :)

Chapter 33: Days of Plenty

Grace

“May I come in, darling?”

The question shakes me out of my momentary stupor. “I...I suppose so.” I take the chain off the door and pull it open, stepping aside. My mother steps inside, the heels of her pumps clicking on the hardwood floors. I shut the door behind her. It has been awhile since I've seen her. I take her beautiful white suede coat, trimmed with faux fur, and hang it on the coat rack by the door. Months, at least. She has aged some in that time; a few more fine lines, a few more gray hairs. But she is still flawlessly put together in her sophisticated royal blue dress suit and pumps, with her hair swept back in a French twist. She is clutching a designer briefcase, with her name engraved on the edge in an elegant serif font. I can't help but feel shabby in my sweater and mom-jeans, standing in the foyer of a luxury London flat that has definitely lost some of its showroom quality thanks to baby-proofing and two busy parents who can't exactly keep up with cleaning.

“...Would you like some coffee? There's a fresh pot brewed and everything.”

“Thank you, dear, that would be lovely.”

I lead her into the kitchen, only to immediately regret my decision when I get in there and remember what a disaster area it is. I move toward the cupboard to find a coffee cup, hoping my body blocks the pile of dirty dishes in the sink. Not that it will make much difference with the countertops covered in half-cleaned spills and the floors unwashed. To my horror, I turn away from the cupboard and find I am too late to stop my mother from putting her hand down right into the sticky remains of an apple juice disaster from yesterday morning. Aleister and I had blotted up the amber puddles on the countertops and the floor with almost our entire supply of clean tea towels, but we were both running late. By the time we got home, we were both too tired to do anything more. We figured that no lives would be lost if we waited until morning to dig out the kitchen cleanser and the mop. But then, neither of us were expecting guests. There's a pit in my stomach as I offer my mother a hand wipe. At least we keep boxes of those stocked in every room.

“I'm sorry about that. I was trying to fill Reggie's sippy cup with apple juice yesterday, but somehow, I managed to drop the bottle and we didn't have time to give it a proper cleaning. I was planning on doing that this morning...”

“I see...” My mother accepts the wipe, delicately blotting her perfectly manicured hands, and conspicuously moving away from that area of the counter. I wince as I hear the soles of her shoes squelch in the sticky residue on the floor. “...Have you considered hiring a bit of domestic help? Perhaps a nanny or a housekeeper?”

“We have a several babysitters on call for when we're both working,” I say firmly. “We haven't found that we have need of a housekeeper right now.”

“The soles of my shoes might disagree,” she quips.

“Well, the soles of your shoes don't live here,” I snap. As her eyes narrow slightly, I take a deep breath, forcing a smile as I hand her a cup of coffee. “Why don't we go into the living room? I can't promise it will be immaculate, but at least you're not likely to find apple juice puddles in there.”

As we head into the living room, Aleister emerges from the bedroom with Reggie in his arms. He smiles politely at my mother, though his gaze is lukewarm as he regards her.

“Mother Hall. I thought I heard your voice. What a surprise.”

“Aleister.” My mother and husband come together to peck each other obligingly on the cheek. Mom smiles at Reggie, tickling him under the chin. “And Reginald Mason Rourke. How handsome you're becoming.”

“Can you say hello to your grandmother, Reginald?” It appears that the diamond tassel earrings dangling from my mother's earlobes have caught Reggie's eye because he squeals excitedly, reaching for one with surprising speed. Luckily, Aleister is faster. “Now, Reginald, 'say hello' does not mean attempt to steal her lovely earrings.”

“No harm done. I am glad that you are home. I was honestly hoping to speak with you both. Will you join us in the living room?”

“Do you have time, sweetie?” I ask pointedly. “If you don't, I can fill you in later.”

“I am the C.E.O. Well, one of them. I can take a few extra minutes.”

We continue into the living room, where Mom sits on a cuddly toy lion when she sinks into an armchair. She doesn't say anything about it, but she does make a very pointed face as she sets it aside. Aleister and I sit on the sofa, with Aleister balancing Reggie on his knee.

“I am here,” my mother says, looking at Aleister, “because your father has been in contact with me.”

Aleister looks up sharply. I feel my chest go tight, and my hand flies to his.

“You mean...recently?”

“Early in September. He wanted me to look into a former employee at Mansingh Transglobal. The mother of your friend, Alodia Chandler.”

The silence that follows her announcement is so thick that even Reggie seems to sense that something isn't right. He goes quiet, his chubby little face scrunching up uncertainly. When he starts to squirm and whine, Aleister lets him down to crawl around on the soft carpet at our feet.

“...What did you find out?” I finally manage to ask.

“Not a lot. Cassandra Chandler was a computer science major who worked as a researcher. She died about the time I became the C.E.O. There doesn't seem to have been much that was extraordinary about her, and it isn't exactly hard to believe that Everett Rourke would be interested in her since his obsession with her daughter is not exactly a secret.”

“No, I suppose it isn't,” Aleister concedes. “But then why bring this information to us if you don't think there is anything substantial to it?”

“Because for one thing, you deserve to know that your father has been in contact with me. For another, Alodia Chandler is a friend of yours. And you two experienced Rourke's obsession with her firsthand. You might not know much about why he was obsessed with her, but you know more than I do.” She opens her briefcase, and pulls out a sheaf of papers, held together with a binder clip. “Here's what I could find on her. Perhaps Alodia will be interested in it.”

“...Thank you, Mom.” I accept the papers.

“Well, I have taken enough of your time and my own. I must be off.”

“Of course. I'll walk you to the door.”

I get my mother's coat and show her out. After watching her go, I return to the living room. Aleister is leafing absently through the papers she left us. I come up beside him to put an arm over his shoulder.

“I think I may have to hold off on those sketches. I feel like I should go through those papers today.”

Aleister looks up at me. “Do you think whatever's in here is that important?”

“I don't know. Just...something about this doesn't feel right. My mother was acting strangely.”

“Was she?”

“It seemed so to me...”

Aleister sighs, rising to his feet. He approaches me and takes my shoulders gently, bending to kiss my cheek.

“I have to leave for work now, darling. Perhaps you can agree to wait until I get home so we can go over those papers together?”

It's my turn to sigh. “You really want me to wait?”

“Yes, darling. Two heads will be more effective than one. Besides, I want you to be able to work on your sketches today.”

“In between keeping our son out of trouble and making our flat a little more presentable?”

“Precisely. Let's worry about puzzling out the mystery of Alodia's human parent together.” He pauses for a moment. “...Besides, if we find something, we may be tempted to call her, which might not be entirely welcome while she is trying to make a good impression on her in-laws—not to mention the fact that she is at least six hours behind us.”

“All right, fair.” I am quiet for a moment, frowning. “...Hey...Mom said your father contacted her in early September. That was before they confiscated his phone, right?”

“Yes, I believe so. ...Why do you ask?”

“...Like I said. Something just doesn't feel right.”

Michelle

If I have to be at the hospital working instead of with my family on Thanksgiving, at least I'm working the noon-to-midnight shift, which means that for once I can be the one making sure Sean has a decent breakfast before seeing him off and crawling back into bed for a couple more hours' sleep.

“Oatmeal,” I inform him, setting the bowl in front of him, “and whole grain toast. A nice carb-o-licious breakfast to give you energy for the game today.”

He grins at me. “I have the best fiancée.”

I come up behind his chair to wrap my arms around his shoulders. “Your fiancée wishes she could be at the game today cheering you on, instead of at the hospital.”

“I know, babe.” He leans back into my embrace. “But you're doing great things at the hospital. You know how insanely proud I am of you.”

I admit I feel a smile playing around my mouth when he says that. “I know.” I kiss his cheek. “...I hope you know I'm proud of you, too.”

“I do know. But it's really nice to hear it, too. ...Think you'll have a couple minutes to watch a little of the game?”

“It's hard to say. You know how unpredictable a hospital can be.”

“Of course. Want me to wait up for you tonight? It's only gonna be a little after midnight when you get home.”

“You're gonna be exhausted after the game.”

He shrugs. “I'll still wait up if you want me to. I'll rig up some device to keep me awake.”

I snort. “Some device?”

“You know, some pulley sytem connected to my head or my shoulder that will turn on the stereo super loud if I start to nod off.”

He demonstrates, drawing an invisible pulley system in the air with his fingers, and then pretends to be nodding off, a theatrical snore interrupted by a vocal imitation of a loud metal riff. I laugh.

“No need to go to those kind of lengths. If you're up when I get home, I will be happy to see you. But if you're tired, you should sleep.”

“All right, I'll sleep. If I am tired.”

“Good boy.”

“...I love you, Michelle.”

“I love you, too, Sean.” I give him another peck on the cheek, and go to sit down across from him where my own breakfast is waiting. “Now eat your oatmeal. You've got a big game today.”

Estela

These past few weeks have been like a dream. Me and Tio Nicholas and Mom together in a peaceful San Trobida. Having Quinn here with us only adds to the utopian atmosphere. In fact, in the moments when the chimera wavers and worries about the world outside creep in, having someone else who was on La Huerta with me has helped to keep panic from setting in. Besides that, she has been a general boon to have around the house, helping with the chores and just generally being a joy. There are moments when I worry that I am keeping her here against her will. I promise I've told her that she doesn't have to stay if she would rather go back to her own family, especially for Thanksgiving. But apparently, she has spoken to her parents, and encouraged them to make Thanksgiving romantic occasion for the two of them. Since I am clearly not holding her against her will and thus I cannot release her, the only thing I can do is to make sure she knows how much I appreciate her presence.

On Thursday morning, I wake up early to make her pancakes. I've never been much of a cook, but with her and Raj giving me a few lessons, I've at least overcome my fear of the kitchen enough to follow a recipe. I prepare a breakfast tray, garnish it with a flower in a cup of water, and carry it up to the guest bedroom where she has been staying. She's still asleep when I get up there. To my chagrin, just my entering the room isn't enough to wake her. I linger in the doorway with the tray in my hand, wondering whether I should wake her, come back later, or just stay here. It seems my hesitation makes the decision for me, because after a moment or two, Quinn starts to stir. I feel myself standing up straighter as she turns her bleary gaze on me.

“Estela?” She sits up, blinking. “What's going on?”

I clear my throat, holding out the tray. “Um...this is for you...” I wince at myself. What am I doing, standing in the doorway, holding out the tray as if I expect her to come get it? I cross the room as quickly as I can without spilling anything to set the tray over her lap. She smiles, laughing a little.

“What is this?”

“...Breakfast. It's...to say thank you. For coming with me to San Trobida, and for staying with us these past couple weeks. You have been very helpful around the house, and my mom and tio can't say enough good things about you. So...thank you.”

“Oh, Estela, it's my pleasure. Really. Having your long-dead mother return home and revealing the details of our vacation through hell to your uncle seems like the kind of thing the presence of a friend could help you navigate more easily.”

“And so it has. ...And even if I don't need to thank you, I do want to.”

She pats the bed beside her. “Well, why don't you start by sitting down and helping me eat these pancakes?”

I take a seat on the edge of the bed, pushing a small cup of warmed syrup in her direction. She picks it up and drizzles the stuff over the pancakes.

“I was thinking...that you and I could make a day of it today. I could take you into the city and show you some of the sights. ...What do you say?”

She grins. “I can hardly think of a better way to spend a day that begins with breakfast in bed.”

I smile back. “Good. Because I want this day to be special for you. Also, if you had said no, that would have been decidedly awkward.”

Raj

Shooting an episode of a cooking show is never a one-day affair, but every show handles their schedule a little bit differently. Some chefs choose to set aside a block of a few days and knock out several episodes in a single day of shooting. That's not so practical for me, since I like to travel for my episodes. But I still have to shoot each episode several times over before there's enough that the wizards in the editing department can splice the best bits together into a winning episode. By the time we have enough footage for the Rome episode, I am worn out, and I can tell Lila is, too. Neither of us feel safe leaving her on her own, even if we are in Italy, but I can't exactly invite her to help with the episode, either. We feel even less safe putting her in front of a television camera. So, she's spent a lot of time just sitting around, and I know well that boredom can be even more exhausting than work.

On the last day of shooting, we're finished before noon. I help the crew clean up, then leave the set to look for Lila. I find her sleeping on the couch in my dressing room. I shake her shoulder gently.

“Lila? Wakey-wakey.”

She blinks at me and yawns, stretching. “Are we done for the day?”

“We're done for the episode.”

“Mmm.” She pushes herself upright. “On to the next one?”

“In due time. But we've got a bit of a break now. About a week.”

“So, what will we do until then?”

I grin. “Something that I hope you'll like. How would you feel about a holiday in Tuscany?”

Alodia

I wake up with the sun Thanksgiving morning, only to find that Jake and his family are already awake. I can smell cooking from downstairs. As I make my way down, I can hear the familiar sounds of the Macy's parade broadcast coming from the television in the living room, as well as voices from the dining room where the family has gathered for breakfast.

To my great relief, my late night awakening never becomes a topic of conversation during breakfast. I am greeted warmly and welcomed into the meal, where they ask me how I am feeling and if I slept well. No one questions it when I reply that I slept very well, thank you. I make quick work of scrambled eggs, toast, and bacon, and help Bernadette and Rebecca with the breakfast dishes. We have to hustle, Bernadette says, because we don't have much time to dawdle before we have to begin preparing dinner.

“Are there going to be many people?” I ask, meticulously loading plates into the dishwasher.

“Depends on what you consider 'many',” Rebecca replies.

“It's the usual crowd for us,” Bernadette says. “Frank's brother Pete and his girlfriend, my brother Emile with his wife and their two boys, my mom, and a couple of our old friends who don't have anywhere else to go for the holiday.”

“Well, that's bigger than most Thanksgivings I ever had growing up. It was usually just my aunt, my uncle, me, and Diego. Sometimes his parents came too, but they didn't really do Thanksgiving themselves so that wasn't often.”

“Well, you're gonna get the full McKenzie experience this year,” Rebecca quips. “And if that isn't enough to make you regret marrying my baby brother, nothing will.”

“Oh, boy. Jake did mention it was going to be chaotic. Anything I should be forewarned about?”

“Well, you're not the only one who's meeting the family for the first time. Uncle Pete's girlfriend  is someone we've only “met” over Facebook so far.”

“She seems like a nice woman, though,” Bernadette adds. “Her name is Aubrey. I think she's from Chicago originally. About twenty years younger than Pete, but once you get to be a certain age, that's not much of a difference.”

“Hey, as long as everyone is legal and consenting, I don't pass judgment,” I remark. “Well, not moral judgment, anyway. I admit to having my opinions on whether what people are doing is altogether wise, but only when it involves people I know well.”

“Sound policy,” Rebecca says approvingly. “Anyway, you'll be in good company with Aubrey. Now, about Uncle Emile and Aunt Lorraine...”  

* * *

Once the dishes are done, I head back upstairs to get dressed. I've packed a long floral-printed  sundress with an empire waist and a matching shrug. I add some subtle jewelry, a touch of makeup, and sweep my hair back into a French braid. I brush my teeth and head back downstairs, where the parade has been replaced on the television with a football game.

“Is this the Condors' game?” I ask, coming to sit beside Jake on the couch.

“They're not playing for a couple hours,” he answers, taking my hand and kissing it. “But don't worry. I made sure Pop knows we're die-hard Condors fans. ...You look beautiful, by the way.”

I grin and kiss his cheek. “I'll do then?”

“Absolutely. You're gonna knock 'em all dead.”

It's not even noon when the McKenzie guests start arriving. The first is an old neighbor, Sidney Everly. To describe her as an elderly widow calls up an image that is quite contrary to her actual presence. The moment I am introduced as Jake's wife, she squeals and pulls me into a hug that can only be described as crushing. Clearly, her slender, stooped appearance belies her strength.

“So someone finally snapped up Jake McKenzie! And he's put a bun in her oven!”

“Okay, okay, Sidney, don't swarm her,” Jake chides, gently but firmly separating us. “Remember she is pregnant.”

“Oh, phooey, she's not going to pop,” Sidney scoffs, but she doesn't try to hug me again. “All right, Bernadette, put me in the kitchen and set me to work!”

Next to arrive is Jesse Atwood, an equally animated bachelor who comes with a violin case and tray of exquisite-looking handmade chocolate eclairs topped with berries and dusted with powdered sugar. He is quickly followed by Bernadette's younger brother and sister-in-law, Emile and Lorraine Landry, with their teenage boys, Neil and Ethan. Seventeen-year-old Neil is friendly and seems eager to get to know everyone in the room. Ethan is fifteen years old, and I'm not sure if he's going through a surly teenage phase or if he's just overwhelmed by the number of people present, but he arrives with earbuds firmly in his ears and barely glances up from the game he's playing on his phone when I'm introduced. The family doesn't seem phased by this, which tells me that whatever it is, it's not personal, so I leave him be.

Finally, Frank's brother Pete shows up with his girlfriend Aubrey, a short, slim woman in her late forties with dark brown hair cut just above her shoulders and styled in a fluffy perm. She grins when we're introduced and shakes my hand. There is relief in her soft gray eyes.

“Glad to meet you, Alodia. I think you and I are the major curiosities here tonight.” She leans in a little closer. “Though I think you're probably a little more of a curiosity than I am. No offense.”

“None taken. Between my backstory and my baby bump I expect to be fielding a lot of questions tonight.”

“Come on, everyone!” Sidney calls from the kitchen. “There's a feast to be prepared! Anyone who's helping with the cooking, in the kitchen! Everyone else--”

“Everyone else will please heed my instructions and not Sidney's!” Bernadette says firmly, though I can see a smile on her lips. “Alodia, sha, maybe you can help serve up some cider and snacks?”

Sidney, Bernadette, Rebecca, Jesse, and Emile take over the kitchen, preparing mostly sidedishes while Frank and Pete take turkey-duty outside to the grill. I spend a little while running cider, beer, and platters of appetizers out to the living room and to the men out by the grill. To my surprise, Ethan immediately comes to help me, though he doesn't take his earbuds out. Jake has been in the living room chatting with Neil. About my third trip out to the living room, he catches my hand.

“Hey, Princess. I know Mom and ol' Sidney can turn into a pair of Major Generals when they're cooking together, but don't let 'em push you around.”

I smirk. “You really think they can push me around?”

He actually seems to consider that for a moment before smiling. “I guess not. But don't you push yourself around, either. Promise me you'll rest if you get tired?”

“Promise. But if you're really concerned, you could come give me a hand.”

He chuckles. “Okay, fair.”

A few minutes later, he and I are sitting at the kitchen table together and peeling potatoes. After a short while, Neil, Ethan, and Aubrey come to join us. Neil dominates the conversation for awhile, filling everyone in on his preparations for college. But when the conversation starts to reach a lull, Ethan surprises me by filling the silence.

“Do you know if your baby is a boy or a girl yet?” he asks me.

“Not yet,” I reply. “We're going to learn that next week.”

“Have you done the wedding ring test yet?” Sidney asks.

Jake raises an eyebrow. “The what?”

“You tie the mom-to-be's wedding ring on a piece of thread and dangle it over her belly. If it swings back and forth like a pendulum, it's a boy. If it swings in circles, it's a girl.”

“Are you sure?” Aubrey asks skeptically. “I'd always heard it was the other way around.”

“I can look it up on my phone,” Neil offers.

“Oh, there's really no need,” I chuckle. “I don't have a wedding ring.”

Sidney gasps. “You mean Jake didn't even get you a ring?!”

“...Uh...we weren't exactly married in a traditional ceremony.”

“We have a handfasting ribbon,” Jake adds. He briefly explains the handfasting ceremony, naturally replacing anything suspiciously Vaanti with something that sounds more like it was thought up by college students. “I still have that ribbon.”

“You do?” I'm startled and I don't hide it. “You've never mentioned that to me. Where is it?”

“I had it framed to keep it preserved. I put it in a safe place at my grandparents' place. ...I never thought of going to get it when we moved to California because...well...I had you back. And there was a lot going on.”

“Ohhh! You should get it as long as you're in Pearl River!” Sidney exclaims. “It's not like you're far from your grandparents' place.”

“That's actually not a bad idea,” Jake concedes.

“I wouldn't mind seeing that ribbon again,” I agree.

“Maybe you could do the ring test with that, just with a regular ring,” Ethan suggests. “Maybe the ribbon will have the same kind of...energy you need.”

“Oh, there's no need for that test,” Bernadette scoffs. “She's carrying high. It's a girl.”

“Well, the old lady on the plane yesterday agrees with you,” Rebecca snickers.

“Hey, we're not listening to the old lady on the plane!” Jake says firmly.

“Why, what did the old lady on the plane say?” Neil asks eagerly.

I laugh at his enthusiasm. “Well, I ended up getting airsick while we were landing, so I was throwing up into a paper bag while everyone was getting their things.” I go on, describing the old woman and her daughter, to the amusement of everyone except Jake.

“The old bat is wrong, by the way,” he grumbles. “Alodia looks as beautiful as ever.”

“I have to agree with Jake,” Sidney declares. “If that baby's stolen your good looks, then you must be too pretty for anyone's good. I think you've got a boy.”

“Whether or not her looks have been stolen, girls do cause more sickness,” Bernadette insists.

“What have your cravings been like?” Sidney asks.

“Well...peanut butter's been the big one...” l

“There, you see? Protein. That means it's a boy.”

“Not American peanut butter, sha,” Bernadette scoffs. “You know how much sugar is in American peanut butter?”

“Well, I have been especially fond of peanut butter cookies,” I point out.

This goes on for awhile. Everyone chimes in with the various wives' tales they've heard for predicting the baby's sex. They ask me about my moods, hair growth, breakouts, stretchmarks, and whatever else they can think of. Neil even looks up a Chinese sex-prediction chart on his phone that asks for my birthday and the month we conceived in, which my best guess places in July. That chart tells me I'm having a girl, which pleases Bernadette. Of course, no matter what the wives' tales say, she remains convinced I'm having a girl. Sidney is of the opposite opinion, and Rebecca seems to agree with her.

“Y'all are being ridiculous!” Jake declares, exasperated. “Even once we know the sex, it's not like that's going to predict their personality or anything like that.”

“Jake's got the right of it,” Jesse agrees, stirring the gravy on the stove. “Maybe y'all should keep the sex secret until the baby's a few months old.”

“Are you gonna keep the name secret, too?” Sidney scoffs.

“We wouldn't have to,” Jake retorts. “We've already chosen the name, and it's unisex.”

“I hate unisex names.”

“Sidney, you have a unisex name!”

“That don't mean I like it!”

“Well, girl or boy, our baby is River Skye McKenzie, and that's that.”

Sidney considers that. “Well, okay. That's a good name.”

“Good for a boy, but even better for a girl,” Bernadette declares haughtily.

“You're impossible, Mom,” Jake sighs.

“Yes, I am. Now go see if your Pop needs help with the turkey.”

Grayson

I prepare a small meal to take to my father for our Thanksgiving dinner. Well, actually it's more like a Thanksgiving lunch, since I am going to be eating with him early in order to make it to Rochelle's apartment on time. I did tell him I had been invited to another dinner later in the day. He didn't ask where I was going, but I suspect he knows. I have never made my affection for Tahira a secret, which does kind of worry me now. But all I can really do is swear that I will never let myself be used against her.

I arrive at the mansion where I grew up—the one that now serves as my father's prison—and make my way up the walk, clutching the cooler full of Thanksgiving food. I put it down to ring the doorbell and bounce lightly on the balls of my feet while I wait, breathing warm air into my cupped hands. I should have worn gloves, but I was running late getting out of my apartment, and by the time I thought of it, it was just too late to go back. The seconds melt into each other, and I am just about to ring the bell again when my father answers.

“You're late, Grayson.”

“...I'm sorry, dad. The turkey took longer than I was expecting.” I heft the cooler with a grunt and all but waddle through the front door. Dad raises an eyebrow at the cooler.

“What's in there?”

“Food. Thanksgiving lunch. Turkey, stuffing, mashed potatoes and gravy, green beans, and a pumpkin pie. Traditional fare. I also bought a bottle of wine.”

“Hmm. Anything that will require reheating?”

“Most of it hasn't had that much time to get cold. But I suppose it wouldn't hurt to warm the vegetables.”

“Very well. I suppose you had better bring that stuff right into the kitchen. I know how eager you are to get onto your other dinner.”

I grit my teeth, needled by the thinly-veiled barb in his words. “Well, it isn't like I'm going to eat and run,” I assure him, trying not to sound annoyed.

“Of course not. Shall we eat off the fine china?”

While the food rewarms, we take the our time setting the dining room table. We spread out a white tablecloth of Irish linen with matching placemats and napkins. We lay out the silver cutlery and the antique china plates that I can remember adorning the holiday tables of my childhood. Each plate is uniquely painted with pictures of various fruits and flowers in beautiful pastel colors. In a moment of nostalgia, I claim the one with the ripe peaches surrounded by raspberries for myself. That one was always my favorite. My father doesn't comment on my choice, but I do see him smile fondly at the plate for a moment. He lights a pair of beeswax candles in crystal candleholders. I carve the turkey in the kitchen and arrange it on a platter. Then we lay out the food and take our seats. For a moment, neither of us move.

“...Do you think we should say grace?” I ask hesitantly.

“I suppose.”

“We don't have to,” I say quickly. “It's only that it's tradtional...”

Dad doesn't respond. He pulls the bottle of red Zinfandel toward him and snatches up the winged corkscrew. I wince a little as he jams the sharp end of the screw into the cork, but I make myself focus on how much the corkscrew looks like a little person or a human-shaped robot with two long arms. As dad twists the robot's head, it raises its arms as if in some stiff, jerky dance. And then as Dad pushes its arms down, it detatches itself from the bottle, taking the cork with it. Dad places it aside with the cork still attached and picks up the bottle.

“Say when,” he instructs me as he tips the bottle over my glass. Dark red liquid flows from the bottle's mouth and sloshes in the basin of my wineglass. I cut off the flow at half a glass. Dad raises an eyebrow at me for a moment before moving to pour a larger glass for himself. He sets down the bottle and begins filling his plate with turkey, potatoes, stuffing, and beans. After a moment, I do the same.

“I suppose,” he says at last as he picks up his knife and fork and begins slicing his turkey into bite-sized pieces, “that you shouldn't have too much to drink if you are going to be driving to Tahira's dinner before long.”

“...No,” I agree. “That wouldn't be responsible.”

He pauses, glancing sidelong at me. “...It is Tahira you will be spending the evening with, isn't it?”

“Among others. Her mother will be there, and Dax Darcisse and Poppy Patel.”

“But Tahira is the one you really want to see.”

“Is that your oh-so-subtle way of asking if she and I are finally seeing each other?” I quip, hoping to disguise my discomfort with this line of questioning.

“It hardly seems like the best idea to be dating someone you work with. Much less someone who works for you.”

“We're both smart people, Dad. We know how to keep our personal lives separate from work.”

“Don't be naive, Grayson. No one actually knows how to do that.”

I feel myself stiffen. Deep breaths, Grayson. You don't want a fight to sour your mood before you see Tahira.

“Well, we'll just do our best then, and deal with any problems as they come up.”

“...You know what she is, son.”

I almost drop my fork as my veins turn to ice, but I manage to keep it together. I lower my fork to my plate, its prongs still sporting a lump of mashed potatoes.

“What she is, Dad, is a woman I care for deeply, and have done since we were in college together. She is smart and fun and kind and—“

“Powerful,” Dad adds. He puts down his fork and knife, leaning back and tenting his fingers. He fixes me with a penetrating stare. “Let's not beat around the bush, Grayson. Tahira is Dragonness. You know she is.”

I sigh. I consider feigning surprise, but it's probably too late for that. Besides, I'm not sure how much good it would do. Is it really that much more dangerous for my father to know that I know her identity when he already knows it himself? Suddenly, I feel exhausted.

“...What do you want me to say, Dad?”

“I only want you to be honest with me.”

“...Then yes. I know who she is. And I know you know, too. ...I also know the real reason you attacked Northbridge was because you wanted to use her power to bring Mom back.”  

“And I suppose she told you that?”

“Yes! She did! Are you going to deny it?”

“No, in fact. I am not going to deny it. Nor will I deny that my plan did not work out as I had expected.”

“And what were you expecting?”

He sighs, letting his hands drop onto the table to rest on either side of his plate. He picks at a bit of turkey skin hanging off the edge of the plate.

“I had believed the power to bring Helena back existed in the world on the other side of the Prism Gate. ...The world where Dragonness was born. I had hoped that if we managed to make it there, we would find her people. Find a the power necessary. Alas, that was not the case.”

I don't answer. I pick up my fork and knife and tear into the turkey on my plate, covering my silence by stuffing my mouth with the meat. Dad watches me eat for a moment.

“...Do you not approve, Grayson?”

I choke down a mouthful. It gets stuck at the back of my throat, but I force it down with a deep drink of wine. I set my glass down and stare at my plate.

“...Mom is gone, Dad.”

“She doesn't have to be.”

“Yes! She does! She's dead!”

My father's eyes narrow, his expression darkening. “You watch your mouth, son.”

“I'm only saying what's true! Mom is dead! She has been dead for years! It's not like I'm happy about it, but it's a fact!”

“All this from the boy who wasn't willing to do what needed to be done in Bayside for fear that some people would have to pick themselves up by their bootstraps and move on.”

“Dad, you were talking about displacing living people from their homes! Do you realize how many lives you snuffed out on the day you decided to attack Northbridge?! Eight! Eight people died because you can't let Mom rest!”

My father eyes me steadily. “I could bring them back, too.”

I feel a chill cross my shoulders. “...What...? What are you...?”

“There is a way, Grayson.”

“Dad, no...please...” I reach across the table to cover his hand with mine. “Let it go. Please. Please don't make Tahira suffer to bring Mom back.”

“I don't mean Tahira. ...There is another way.”

I can feel my heart spasming in my throat. “...Dad...please. I don't know if you just never grieved Mom properly or what, but...all I've wanted for years is for us to be a family!”

Dad puts his other hand on top of mine, grasping it firmly. “And we will be! As soon as I can find the power to bring her back, we--”

“No!” I pull my hands back sharply, feeling tears burning in my eyes. “Not us and Mom! Mom is gone! I mean you and me! You're still my father! I am still your son! We're still a family! Or we could be if you would let Mom go and look at me!”

For a moment, I think I actually see genuine remorse in my father's face. It's only a flicker, just for an instant, but even when it vanishes, his expression is softer somehow. Gentler.

“...You don't understand,” he says softly.

“No. No, Dad, I don't. ...I don't understand why you turned your back on me when I needed you most. How one day we could be so close and you could show me so much affection...and then as soon as Mom was in the ground, it was like you turned cold as her grave. For years, I thought you had stopped loving me. For years, I thought I had done something wrong.” I can't hold back a few tears as the scared little boy I used to be comes to the surface of my mind, bringing his hurt, his abandonment, his confusion. “I realize now you were just in pain, but...but the fact is you still haven't dealt with that pain. ...This...isn't how Mom would have wanted us to be to each other, Dad. She would have wanted us to hold each other. Support each other in her absence.”

“She would have wanted to be with us!”

“Of course she would have! But she isn't! God dammit, for all you accuse me of not being realistic, you can't even accept...” I trail off, my voice strangled by unshed tears that clog my throat. My head drops into my hands on the table.

I feel a touch on my shoulder, the palm of my father's hand resting gently on my back. I don't shrug him off, even though my head tells me I should. To have my father resting a hand on my shoulder to comfort me...it's like a mouthful of water to a man who has crossed the desert. Such unspeakable relief. And yet...so far from enough.

“My son...my boy...my child. Please, listen to me. I know I failed you. In so many ways. I failed your mother, too. But that is what I am trying to fix.”

Now I do shrug him off.

“No. No, Dad. What you're doing isn't fixing anything.” I lift my head, but I don't look at my father. “Until you get help, we're never going to be the family Mom wanted us to be. I'm sorry.”

He knows what I'm implying. That when he comes to trial, I am going to argue in favor of having him committed. But to my surprise, his only reaction now is a sigh.

“...It's okay, Grayson. It will be okay. I promise. I know how to fix everything now. When I am through, it will be as if all those lonely years never even happened.”

He goes back to his dinner, clearing his plate in silence. I look down at the meal going cold on my plate, the moist turkey, lumpy mashed potatoes and oily green beans obscuring the delicately painted peaches and raspberries. I don't feel like eating anymore. Something about Dad's reaction has me more unsettled than ever.

Poppy

“Come on, Dax! We're going to be late! Rochelle said dinner is at three o'clock, and it's now 2:20!”

“Okay! Okay! I'm coming!” Dax sighs, reluctantly putting aside his project. His eyes linger on the tiny object for a moment before he sighs again and starts to straighten up his workstation.

“Is that the thing you told me about?” I ask. “The hologram thing?”

“That's it.”

“How's it coming?”

“Well, actually. Really well. I even think I should have it ready to present by New Year's Eve.”

I raise an eyebrow. “I'm impressed. Considering you've only been working on it for a month now.”

“What can I say? I'm motivated. Also, the technology involved already exists, it's just a matter of making it more portable and easier to disguise.”

I put my arms around him, kissing his cheek. “That's a really nice thing you're doing for them, sweetie. I'm proud of you.”

He leans into my embrace, going quiet for a moment. “...I started to imagine what he described...being trapped on the outside...while...” He swallows. “...If it were you...or Tahira. I'm closer to the two of you than I've ever been to anyone. ...If one of you were hurt or sick and I was stuck on the outside...”

“Well, if you can pull this off, that won't be something they have to worry about.”

“I can pull it off,” he says with determination. “I know I can.”

“I know you can, too. Now come on. I am not going to be late for Rochelle's famous taffy-apple salad.”

Zahra

It's another jolly holiday at the Hsiao household. And I promise I'm not actually saying that ironically. I actually like my boyfriend's family, and I will readily admit that I am very, very lucky that way. Far from being what some racially insensitive douches would imagine, Kira and Huan Hsiao are not actually super strict, conservative “tiger parents,” like Asian parents tend to be on TV. A more accurate description of them would be snarky hippy goofballs. Well...hippies who still eat meat, I guess. So maybe not hippies.

But they are animal lovers. Their house is a crazy menagerie of four cats Nikky, Snickerdoodle, Tootle, and Buttercup; a German shepherd/collie mix named Tiffany; Mindy and George, a pair of rabbits; a parakeet named Tinker; and a ball python, hilariously named Monty—particularly hilarious because the python in question is female. We humans finish our Thanksgiving feast in the early afternoon, and Kira and Huan immediately set to work making sure the animals get their own. The cats are the most insistent, twining around Kira's ankles and yowling as she dishes Fancy Feast on top of Meow Mix and garnishes it with Temptations treats and catnip. And I know I've been staying at their place too long because I have started to recognize brands of cat food.

“Yes, yes, my little darlings,” Kira sings. “Food is coming!”

“Good god,” I groan. “Those things are cute when they're all purry and keeping my toes warm at night, but they are so friggin' noisy when they're hungry!”

“They're not that different from human babies that way,” Kira quips, carrying two double-bowls of catfood to the placemat on the floor in the corner. The cats immediately go quiet, digging into their feast. Kira calls out to Tiffany, who has been waiting patiently on the floor by the kitchen door. At the sound of her name, the dog leaps up on her paws, her tongue lolling out of her mouth as her tail starts to wag. Kira reaches into a plastic bag labled “Pampered Pets” and pulls out what I realize has to be a dog treat, but which looks enough like a cupcake that I want to eat it myself.

“Aww, you got Tiffany a pupcake!” Joey laughs.

“Of course! They're her favorite special occasion treats.”

Kira makes Tiffany sit and lie down before placing the treat a few feet in front of her nose. Tiffany licks her chops, her tail thumping eagerly, but she obediently waits for the signal before attacking her pupcake, wolfing it down in two bites.

“Oh, hey!” Joey leaps up from the table. “Let's go play Road From Xanadu! We gotta finish it before you guys go back to Northbridge!”

Craig pushes back from the table, stretching his arms over his head. “Nothing like video games after Thanksgiving dinner,” he agrees. “I'm in.”

Joey comes around to grab my arm, tugging insistently. “Come on, Zahra! We can't play without you since you're Amaya!”

“Well, you could make her an NPC,” I point out, even as I get to my feet.

“But then we'd have to start over!”

“Well, we can't have that. Let's go.”

The truth is, though, I'm a little reluctant to play. Road From Xanadu is this obscure RPG game set in this weird dimension where a bunch of people from various other dimensions and alternate timelines end up. From what I can gather, it's basically a dimension converging on all other dimensions. The main character is a badass warrior woman with weather magic whose whole mission is to get back to her own dimension in order to prevent a horrific disaster from killing her family. Along the way, she's tormented by visions of a past life that seem to be hinting that the disaster was actually an attack by someone from a past that she can't remember. It all feels a little too much like AU La Huerta for me to be totally comfortable, but Joey is super into it, so I've been trying to hide my misgivings.

We head into the living room where the fireplace is going, turn on the TV and the game console, and curl up on the couch with Joey wedged between us. The game loads up and the menu flickers up onto the screen in front of us. We search for the save marked ZCJ and load up our game. I frown as my character shows up on the screen, but without Craig or Joey's, and with a completely dark background.

“Wait...where were we again?”

“Illusory Cities,” Joey reminds me. “Field of Mirrors. Remember? We're trapped in the mirrors, and you have to get us out.”

“Oh...right...”

So my character wanders through a field of mirrors where her friends are trapped inside their dreams, trying to wake them up so they can move on to collect the next item in their fetch quest to build the portal that will take them back to her dimension. Craig and Joey yell hints and encouragement, and finally, I manage to break everyone out.

“Dude, Amaya is totally falling in love with Felix,” Craig declares, grinning. “I knew I chose the right character.”

“I bet they kiss before we stop playing tonight,” Joey agrees.

“You talkin' about Felix and Amaya or Craig and me? Because if it's the latter, you'll definitely win that bet.”

“Hey!” Joey holds up a hand in front of my face. “No kissing over my head. If you wanna kiss, you gotta warn me so I can move.”

Of course, by this point Buttercup has jumped into my lap and made herself comfortable, tucking her feet underneath her body and laying her head on my knee. I know from experience that she won't move until forced to by either her bladder or mine.

“I don't think that's happening any time soon, kiddo,” I sigh. “Okay, let's get back to it. We gotta find something called 'Wild Time'...”

Tahira

By a quarter to three, everyone has arrived at my mother's apartment except Grayson. My last three texts have gone unanswered, and I'm starting to get anxious, though I try to distract myself by setting the table. Finally, I feel a vibration in the pocket of my jeans, accompanied by the chime of my text alert. I fish my phone out of my pocket and read the message.

Grayson: Waiting outside. Am I late??

I exhale, feeling an easy smile curve my lips as reliefs flood through me in soothing waves. I thumb out a response:

Right on time. I'll come down to let you in.

I call over my shoulder to let Mom know where I'm going before I rush out into the hallway and down the stairs. Grayson is waiting outside the front door with a bunch of flowers in one hand and a bottle of wine tucked under the opposite arm. I grin as I hold the door open for him.

“As much as presents are appreciated, don't think I haven't noticed that you can't hug me while you're holding those.”

Stepping into the foyer of the building, Grayson immediately sets the flowers and wine on an end table and pulls me in for a fierce, needful kiss, dipping me slightly in his arms. I melt into his embrace, raising my arms to wind around his neck as I taste his mouth. He tastes like he brushed his teeth just recently. Finally, he straightens, bringing me with him, and reluctantly breaks the kiss, resting his forehead on mine.

“Okay, I forgive you. ...Trying to recreate V-J Day in Time Square?”

“...I love you, Tahira.” His voice is a whisper, and there's a weight to it that puts a lump in the pit of my stomach.

“I love you, too, Grayson. But...are you all right? Did lunch with your dad not go well?”

“I have to tell you something,” he murmurs, his eyes still closed. “Something Dad said has been worrying me since he said it. But...I don't want to spoil the holiday. Just promise me you won't let me leave without telling you tonight.”

My first impulse is actually to say 'okay', push his words to the back of my mind, and get on with my holiday. But even as I consider it, I know that I'll never be able to concentrate on having a good time with that hanging over my head.

“What do you mean? What did he say?” When he hesitates, I take his face in my hands, turning it toward me. “Please, Grayson. Don't hold back. I'd rather you just say it than leave me to imagine the worst.”

He hesitates another moment. A knock at the lobby door makes us both jump. We turn to look out the clear glass door and find a man balancing a foiled-draped casserole dish in one hand and waving at us with the other. His wife and two young children stand behind him, bundled up and bouncing against the bite of the chilly November air. He gestures to the doorknob. Grayson clears his throat, blushing as he pushes the door open. The small family scurries into the warmth of the lobby and toward the elevator. He sighs.

“We shouldn't talk out here,” he mumbles, not meeting my eyes. “Let's get somewhere we can talk privately.”

“...Yeah. Okay. Maybe it can wait until after dinner.”

He smiles, but it looks a little forced. Then his eyes light up and he scoops up the bouquet he had placed on the side table, placing it in my arms carefully as if it were a swaddled infant.

“Sorry I'm later than expected, by the way. I stopped to pick those up on the way.”

I can't help but smile as I regard the colorful bouquet in my arms, pink roses and miniature carnations arranged amidst snowy white chrysanthemums, yellow Peruvian lilies, lavender, statice, and huckleberry. I put my nose in the armful of flora and inhale a fragrant blend of perfumes.

“They're absolutely beautiful.”

His smile is genuine again as he casually takes up the wine bottle and offers me his hand.

“I couldn't resist a few roses,” he says, “but I've always thought roses alone were a little...well, boring. If I'm going to bring someone flowers, I want something colorful.”

“I approve of your choice.”

Everyone else clearly approves of it too, if their gushing reaction when we get back up to Mom's apartment is any indication. While Mom is busy hunting for a vase, and Dax and Poppy are helping her find the ladle she was looking for a moment ago, I see an opportunity and impulsively decide to to take it. I take Grayson by the hand and pull him into the bedroom. I shut the door, pressing the lock down for good measure.

“So, what were you going to say about your Dad?”

He shifts uncomfortably, looking cornered. “I...thought you said it could wait until after dinner.”

“I know. But I also said I'd rather know than spend dinner imagining the worst.”

For a moment he is quiet, and I think he is going to protest again that it should wait until after dinner. But then he nods.

“...We got into a fight, which will probably not come as much of a surprise. He knows that I know who you are, by the way. I didn't tell him, but he guessed and I didn't know how to deny it, or if it would even do any good.”

“It probably wouldn't have,” I agree. “It's okay. We'll deal with it. Was that all?”

“No. ...We were arguing about his obession with bringing Mom back. I was begging him not to make you suffer for it. ...He said that he didn't have to use you. That there was another way. Some of the things he said...it started to sound like he wasn't just talking about bringing Mom back. He was talking about rewriting history so she never died at all.”

I feel an electric chill skitter down my spine. “...That...that sounds like...”

“I know. ...I can't help but wonder if he's managed to learn something about the Janus Project.”

Aleister

I come home in the evening to find that the flat has been scrubbed top to bottom. In the sitting room, the evening news flickers on the television, the volume turned to something just barely audible. My wife is curled up on the sofa under a throw blanket, her glasses set aside on the coffee table beside the baby monitor. She appears to be dozing lightly, and as I approach, I can see from the screen on the baby monitor that my son is asleep as well, contentedly sucking his thumb in his crib. I smile, kneeling beside Grace and bending to kiss the top of her head. She stirs and stretches at my touch, smiling up at me.

“Hey, honey,” she says around a yawn. “There's tuna noodle casserole in the refridgerator. I already ate, but it wouldn't take much to heat it up.”

“You're a treasure,” I reply. She reaches over to fumble for her glasses, and I guide them to her hand. “I brought home macroons for dessert. Can I fix you a plate with some tea?”

“That would be heavenly. Could you also give me a hand getting off the couch?”

I chuckle, standing and offering my hand. She takes it, groaning a little as I help pull her to her feet. Once standing, she flops theatrically against my chest, resting her head on my shoulder and pretending to snore. I laugh.

“I am not surprised you're so tired. The flat looks beautiful.” I drape one of her arms over my shoulders and wind the other around her waist, pulling her close to my side as if I am helping her walk with an injured leg. “But I hope this was not just because your mother sat on a cuddly toy this morning.”

“There are some ways Mom can still get to me,” she admits. “...But I was also trying to keep busy so I wouldn't be tempted to peek at the files she left us. Besides, the flat needed a good scrub. I just hope my back doesn't regret it in the morning.”

I guide her to a kitchen chair and stand behind her for a moment, rubbing her shoulders. “I'll tell you what, darling. Why don't you have a nice hot bath while I have my supper, and then we'll look at the files together over tea and macaroons. Deal?”

“Deal.”

* * *

Grace takes her time in the bath, and when I finish dinner, we both get into our pajamas. Curled up on the sofa with a pleasant fire going, two cups of hot tea and a tray of macaroons, it's almost easy to forget what we're actually looking for with the documents spread out across our laps. Not that we seem to be finding much that is obviously incriminating.

“I am quite surprised to hear myself say this, but it seems Alodia's mother was in fact quite an ordinary woman.”

“Well, I don't know about 'ordinary,'” Grace remarks. “According to everything here, she was a genius at computer science. She headed nearly eighty percent of Mansingh Transglobal's computer science projects in 1995.”

She passes me the page she's looking at, and I skim over it. A few project names jump out at me.

“ 'Project Jupiter'...'The Trojan Project'...Anything with a Greco-Roman theme might bear looking into further. With the Trojan Project, I'm inclined to guess it had something to do with computer viruses. ...Perhaps an attempt to develop some sort of antivirus software.”

“Or digital condoms,” Grace suggests, grinning. I snort, poking her shoulder lightly.

“Trojan always was a terrible name for a condom.”

“Huh...now this is interesting.”

“What is?”

Grace holds up the page in front of her. “Apparently Cassandra Chandler worked on one of the most advanced digital painting/rendering programs of the early nineties. She won an award for her own digital art. And...oh! I think Mom included samples...” She turns to a few glossy photo prints. “Wow. This is beautiful.”

She passes me a picture of a digitally rendered sunset over the ocean. “Impressive. The colors, the shading...very advanced for the early nineties.”

“And look at this moonscape. It's so lifelike, it's like looking at a photo.”

“Clearly, she was very talented. ...Perhaps we should send this to Alodia. I'm sure she would like to have some piece of her mother to hold...on...to...Grace...?”

Grace is staring at the photo in front of her, her dark eyes wide. I peer over at the picture and feel my breath catch in my throat. It's another beautifully rendered piece of digital art, a portrait depicting a young woman posed beneath a palm tree. It is as clear as a photograph, or a Holbein portrait. Her blue eyes, golden blonde hair, her pale skin...

“Good heavens...but...that's...”

“Yeah,” Grace agrees. “It's Alodia.”

Michelle

It's hard to have a totally good day when you're working at a hospital. Even if none of your own patients die, it's hard to ignore the fact that people do die there every day. And yet, at the same time, people are born there every day, too. Lives are saved, or changed for the better with surgeries that improve quality of life. It's difficult to have a totally good day, but if you know where to look, it's hard to have a totally bad one, too. For me, today managed to even out. I was busy, which kept my shift from dragging too much, but now I'm definitely feeling it. Now, what I really want is to go home, put on my pajamas and curl up in bed with Sean so I can fall asleep to the sound of his breathing.

I finally get home at nearly a quarter to one. There's a note in Sean's handwriting taped to the door of our apartment when I get there:

Hey, Beautiful. Left something on the coffee table for you. Love you! --Sean.

I smile, folding the note and tucking it into the pocket of my jacket. The first year we were dating back at Hartfeld, he was always getting me little gifts to leave in my room at the sorority house when we were both too busy for a real date night. They were never expensive, but they were always meaningful and romantic. A refridgerator magnet with my name on it, a caduceus keychain, a bunch of lilacs from the hedge that grew on campus, my favorite spinach bread from the bakery in town, or a stick of rock candy from the old-fashioned candy shop next door. Lately, he seems to have picked the practice up again. Except now, I try to reciprocate more often.

The apartment is dark when I get inside. I turn on the light in the foyer, slip off my shoes and hang my coat in the closet. I make my way into the living room and switch on the floor lamp. On the coffee table, an Easter basket has been lined with tissue paper and repurposed to hold a small collection of bath items—body wash, lotion, and spray that all appear to be the same scent; an orange-infused sugar scrub for my hands and feet, and two bath bombs. I pop open the body wash and inhale the subtly sweet aroma of orange blossom, chamomile, and vanilla, sighing rapturously. I'm going to get Sean something really special to thank him for this. Some nice cologne or a new duffle bag for away games...or maybe a gift certificate for a massage at my favorite spa. I reach into the basket to pull out the bath bombs and hold them to my nose. As I do, a sticky note that had been attached to one of the fragrant spheres comes loose and flutters to the ground. I pick it up, squinting slightly to make out the writing in the somewhat dim light of the floor lamp:

Hi, Beautiful! =) Turn on the TV and press play! Don't adjust the volume! Love you! – Sean

I pick up the remote and press the power button. The TV flickers to life, and a frozen image of Sean in his Condors' uniform appears on the screen. I recognize the Condors' home stadium behind him, and on the edge of the screen, I can make out the hand of a sportscaster holding up a microphone. I press play.

“Sean, do you have any final thoughts before the game gets underway today?”

The volume is loud enough to make me jump a little, worried that I'm going to wake Sean. But, since his note explicitly told me not to adjust the volume, I resist the urge. On the screen, Sean smiles warmly into the camera.

“First of all, I just want to wish a happy Thanksgiving to my amazing fiancee, Dr. Michelle Nguyen. She couldn't be at the game today because she's busy being an amazing doctor at the hospital. But if you're watching, babe, I just want to tell you that I'm so proud of you and I love you with my whole heart.”

The big light flicks on overhead, making me jump. I turn to see Sean smiling at me from the doorway that leads into the kitchen.

“We won today,” he says. I smile, pausing the recording and going to kiss him.

“That's wonderful. And thank you for the gifts. But why are you still awake? You must be exhausted.”

He shrugs, kissing me back and lacing his fingers at the small of my back. “I had a nice long nap after the game. I wanted to be awake when you got home. I've got a little surprise for you.”

“Another one? I know I was bummed about working on Thanksgiving, but you don't want me to get spoiled.”

“And what if I do?” he counters with mock-haughtiness. I snort.

“Well, in that case, who am I to argue?”

He keeps one arm around my waist as he leads me through the kitchen to the dining room. As we approach, I realize that I can see candlelight flickering inside. The first thing I notice when I round the corner and Sean turns up the lights is Tricia, grinning from her seat at the end of the table. The table is spread with my favorite tablecloth, decorated with a centerpiece of pillar candles draped with evergreen branches, pinecones, and clementines. Though the table is crowded with chafing dishes and a decanter filled with some kind of spiced cider, they've managed to find room for three place-settings. Delicious smells that had been previously masked by the scent of the bath bombs in the living room fill the air. Tricia gets up, coming to fold me in a warm embrace.

“Happy Thanksgiving, honey.”

I feel tears coating my eyes as I hug her back. I think my smile might actually split my face apart. “Oh, Tricia! You're awake, too?”

“Well, someone had to make sure the food was edible. I couldn't leave that in my son's hands.”

“Hey!” Sean feigns offense, lightly poking his mother. “I helped!”

I pull back, wiping at my eyes. “You both should be sleeping,” I chide around a mindlessly happy chuckle. “But as long as you're both awake, what are we eating?”

“It's kind of a Thanksgiving breakfast-for-dinner deal,” Sean explains, going to lift the cover from each dish in turn. “Apple-pumpkin pancakes, turkey bacon, and a skillet with potatoes and green beans. Plus cider to drink.”

“Thank you. Both of you. This is...I think this is exactly what I need tonight.”

Sean comes to take my hands, kissing my forehead. “I know you've been feeling overworked lately. I want to make sure you know that you can count on me when things get rough. Whether it's by getting you a few bath bombs, helping my mom cook you a nice meal, or just by holding your hands and listening. I want to give you what you need so that you never feel alone like did before.”

I wind my arms around his torso, resting my head on his chest so that I can hear his heartbeat.

“I know I'm not alone. And that's exactly what I'm thankful for tonight.”

Tahira

Grayson's words are still bothering me the morning after Thanksgiving. I didn't repeat them to anyone at dinner last night, and I did my best to bury my anxiety. But clearly I'm not hiding it that well this morning, because Mom feels my forehead and wonders aloud if I want to stay home from the soup kitchen. I force myself to smile.

“I'm fine, Mom. Just nursing a turkey hangover.”

“Well, you don't feel warm,” Mom admits, but she doesn't look entirely convinced. “But you still don't have to come. Grayson and I can manage the food just fine.”

“It's okay. I want to come. Since I was ten years old, I've only missed one Black Friday at the soup kitchen. I'm not going to miss this one just because I'm sleepy.”

When Grayson arrives to take us over to the soup kitchen, one look in his eyes tells me that I'm not hiding my anxiety from him very well, either. As we're loading the Thanksgiving leftovers into his car, he finds a moment to take me aside.

“Are you all right?”

“Not you, too,” I groan. “I already had Mom feeling my forehead this morning.”

“...You're worried about what I told you about Dad.” It's not a question. There is an unmistakeable note of guilt in his voice. I put a hand on his arm.

“Hey. I'm glad you told me, okay? ...But yeah, it worries me. ...If he knows about the Janus Project, he might know about my cousin, too. I'm worried about how he came by that information, too.”

“I'll work on getting that out of him,” he promises, enfolding me in a hug. “I'm not just going to leave it where it is.”

“I know.” I nestle in his arms. “...You'll still stay and help at the soup kitchen though, right?”

“Of course! I'm not going to bail on you and your mom and the hungry citizens of Bayside just to interrogate my dad.”

I can't help but chuckle. “I'm so glad you have your priorities in order.”

* * *

We arrive at the soup kitchen by ten in the morning. For the next couple hours, we help the breakfast crew clean up, and then set to work laying out the lunch food. We're not the only ones who have donated our Thanksgiving leftovers. On top of that, there are canned goods and non-perishables that were collected by the Bayside public schools and churches, so there is plenty to work with and plenty to keep me busy until the people start arriving. Most of the diners come from the local homeless shelter, but there are also Bayside residents who regularly choose between paying rent and buying groceries. The Grand has been a big help in the area, but it takes time for a local economy to recover from hardship. While Mom and I serve food, Grayson helps people find places to sit and cleans up after them when they finish.

For a little while, the work keeps my mind occupied. Then the lunch rush slows to a trickle, Mom goes into the back to wash dishes, and my thoughts start to catch up with me. It's almost a relief when I see the doors open to admit a group of kids, but as they gather up their trays and make their way to the line, I start to think that they may be here without a parent or guardian. No one appears to have followed them in.

There are five of them, four boys and one girl. They all look like they're one family, all dark-haired and olive-skinned. The oldest boy doesn't look any older than sixteen, if that much. The others all look to be around ten or eleven, though the youngest boy might be as young as seven. I make myself smile in spite of my concern, counting out five plastic plates to spread out on the countertop in front of me.

“Good afternoon,” I say brightly. “What can I get for you?”

“I want turkey and stuffing!” one of the boys yells, bouncing excitedly in place. “Oh! And I want those cherries! And a brownie! And can I have grape juice, too?!”

“Slow down, RJ!” the oldest boy hisses. “Give the lady a chance to catch up!”

Eventually, RJ's plate is loaded with everything he desires, and I can turn my attention to the other children. The boy who looks about RJ's age is much more polite and reserved in his requests, and the youngest boy is so shy that he blushes as he points to each dish that he wants. The oldest boy puts his arm around the girl's shoulders.

“What do you want, Ysa?”

The girl shakes her head. “I'm not hungry.”

“I know you're not feeling well, but you gotta eat something, okay?”

I smile sympathetically at her. “Not feeling well?”

“My stomach hurts,” she replies, pouting slightly.

“Well, how about some soup? Split pea? Chicken noodle? Tomato? Broccoli chedder?”

“...Tomato...” she says after a moment. I ladle out a cup of creamy red soup, and stack some Saltines on the side of the plate. With all of them served, the kids take their trays to the nearest table they can find.

A sudden chill across my shoulders makes me shudder. For an instant, it occurs to me that I might actually be coming down with something. Then, a sharp, gnawing pain in my gut tells me what's really going on. I groan internally. Menstrual cramps. I'm an alien superhero from another dimension, and I still get menstrual cramps. So unfair. Maybe I should find Grayson and have him take me home. I know from experience that I probably won't be much use until I can either get some Midol or putting a heating pad on my belly.

“Well, this all looks like shit.” The familiar voice breaks into my thoughts. My head snaps up and my eyes lock with Caleb's, peering out from underneath the hood of a heavy winter coat. He smirks. “How ya doing, sweetheart? Can I get some grub?”

[mr-mormons-adventures]

Week 43 Update!

Hey everyone! 

Another great week has come and gone. The temperatures seemed to drop for a bit earlier this week to tempt us with an early fall, but that was quickly over with and now we're back to 90 degree days with way too much humidity. But hey, it's all worth it in the service of the Lord! Tuesday: We did exchanges on Tuesday with the Tuscola elders! I went with Elder Kay, who is a new missionary! We had a great time together. We started off with some service at the soup kitchen, which was a ton of fun. Nothing as crazy as last week though. Then afterwards, we had lunch, studied together on some stuff he wants to work on, then we went tracting! A lot of missionaries really look down on tracting, and I understand why, but it really is the best way to come out of your shell and learn a lot of people skills that are necessary for a mission. The day went well, and although we didn't find anyone new to teach, we had a good time and learned things about our selves. Wednesday: Wednesday was pretty fun. In district council, Elder Thomas, one of the Tuscola elders, talked about family history and challenged us all to use it more in our daily efforts. After district meeting, we went to an appointment that the other elders had set up the day before on exchanges, but it fell through. The two people we were going to teach, Harvey & Theresa, were sick, so we didn't get to teach them that day. They said that they'd be more than willing to do it another day though! After that, we had some members give us some dinner to go which was really good. After dinner, we did a lot of walking around and talking. Thursday: Thursday we did exchanges with our zone leaders! I went with Elder Johnson, who is a really cool guy. He's been through a lot of experiences, so it was neat to spend the day with him and learn from him. We mostly just ran around to a bunch of appointments around the college campus. Since they work the YSA branch, their days are mostly just talking with students on the college campus. We had a few appointments that didn't go through like we had planned, but overall it was a good day. Friday: Did some good weekly planning on Friday! We made some plans to help Brandon start his family history work so he can take some names to the temple, and so far those are going well! We're only waiting on a few things to get him started. We had an appointment at 1:30 with Paula that fell through for the second time, so now we're going to see if just stopping by works better for her. We also got to go give a less-active member a blessing since she hasn't been feeling good lately. Saturday: Saturday was crazy. We got called immediately after planning for our day to go help someone move. I'm not sure if they were a member of the Church or not, but apparently they needed to be out of their house 2 days ago or something. We were about to start rushing in to help them pack and such, but the owner freaked out and said no one was allowed inside to help. So about 20 or so people just kinda stood outside, made their backyard look decent, then left while they still had a ton of work to do. After that, we met with Brandon for a bit, who is excited to be able to go to the temple soon! We're excited for him too. Sunday: Sunday was a good day. We discovered yesterday that we had gone over our car's mile allotment by a bit, so we're stuck on foot for the rest of the week. We got a ride to church, thankfully, which helped a ton. We live about 3 miles from the church, so it wouldn't be horrible to walk, but it wouldn't feel great either. Church was really good too. We had a talk given by a member of the stake presidency about how he's grateful to be a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, and why. A lot of good stuff. Then after church, we went out with a young man in the ward to visit a few of his friends and go to other appointments. That's been my week! I hope you all have a wonderful time and a great week this week. Remember to be awesome, and have fun! I'll write you all again next week!

Love, Elder Brown

[mormonmonastery]

Good, Better, Best: A Lesson for Third Hours

I’ve wanted a calling that involved teaching for pretty much all of the nearly two years I’ve been in my current ward and instead, for most of that time, I had...no calling at all. That changes tomorrow when I finally teach a lesson as an Elders Quorum instructor. There’s the good news. The not-as-good news? I’d been assigned to give a lesson on Dallin H. Oaks’ “Good, Better, Best” which is a solid talk but has also been used about a zillion times and pretty much makes its entire point in one sentence (also, I think the idea of this new third hour ciriculum is that they were supposed to be recent conference talks and I’m not sure where this EQ presidency is coming from using this? But you know, beggars aren’t choosers and etc.).

My solution to this was to take “Good, Better, Best” away from the “you need to prioritize in your individual lives” Stephen Covey angle I’ve always seen it taught with and towards the subtly radical idea that “maybe all this church busyness we do isn’t worthwhile, or the point of church?” I’m proud of how I’ve developed that idea in this lesson plan, and found it was actually closer to much of the original talk than at least my cultural memory of it was. I’m interested to see how it goes tomorrow but if you happen to need a lesson or resource for a talk on “Good, Better, Best”? Feel free to use this.     

What’s the Point? or, It’s All Greek to Me

Have the class read Moses 1:39 ("For behold, this is my work and my glory--to bring to pass the immortality and eternal life of man") and Matthew 5:48 ("Be ye therefore perfect, even as your Father which is in heaven is perfect"). These should be pretty recognizable verses for most classes.

Use the passage from Matthew to introduce, teleios the Greek word that’s translated there as “perfect.” Its root word is telos, which means an aim, an end, a goal, a completion, or a purpose--when the New Testament talks about "enduring to the end," the Greek is saying "enduring to telos." 

(This word, and the fact that Jesus asks Peter different Greek words for love in the three questions of John 21, are the only pieces of Greek I think an average Mormon might happen to know, so you could try asking the class about it up-top and then explain whatever they don’t get. If you want a church-approved source to dip into this philology with, you can use Russell M. Nelson’s 1995 talk “Perfection Pending.”)

I like this definition I found in a biblical concordance a lot: "This root (tel-) means "reaching the end (aim)." It is well-illustrated with the old pirate's telescope, unfolding (extending out) one stage at a time to function at full-strength (capacity, effectiveness)." 

Now that you’ve laid out all the initial groundwork, give the class some questions that weave these threads together:

Can we say that Moses 1:39 is an effective summation of God's telos? 

Can we restate that verse as "God's telos is to help us reach our telos"?

 Can we translate telos as "our best"?

(These should all be softballs: yes, yes, yes. If they aren’t, at least the nuances that come out should be interesting.)

I Wanna Be the Very Best

Write the heading “BEST" up on the right side of the board with "immortality, eternal life, perfect, complete, purpose, full-strength" underneath, once you get the class to follow you on what God wants us to be = our best. When it comes down to it, the entire point of the church and our quorum/relief society/class/ward/stake is to bring us closer to these things.

Explain that, in this life at least, we often fall short of our best and end up at...good. Not to knock good! We need to be at doing at least good in some areas before we reach for what our best is. But, as Elder Oaks points out, “the number of good things we can do far exceeds the time available to accomplish them. Some things are better than good, and these are the things that should command priority attention in our lives.”

What are we doing right now, as a quorum/ward that's good? Solicit ideas from the class under the heading “GOOD” on the other side of the board--leave space for another heading between GOOD and BEST.

A lot of where this lesson goes depends on what you get here. If the class just isn’t bitting, tell them that this means they’ve probably got a lot to say once we get to the middle piece of Oaks’ trifecta, huh? If they stuff it with things like “quorum unity” and all their fun fun fun activities (which is what I’m expecting when I teach it with a Utah YSA), you get a chance to talk about how the city on the hill Jesus talked about isn’t a country club (Gordon B.  Hinckley: “It should be recognized that this church is not a social club. This is the kingdom of God in the earth. It is The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. Its purpose is to bring salvation and exaltation to both the living and the dead.”). If it’s mostly about having a true church or the priesthood, or having done 100% home teaching back when home teaching was a thing, you can point out how all of these things don’t do much good if we miss the point.

In short: it's good to be good, of course, but we shouldn't be good at the expense of being telos.

Missing The Point

Look at the parable of the talents in Matthew 25:14-30. The foolish servant's primary mistake here is about the telos of money, right? He doesn't understand that the purpose of money is to invest it and allow it to increase in value. His lord has given him everything he needs to be the best servant he could be and he just didn’t get it.

Likewise, we can not understand the telos of the church/gospel/priesthood/etc. and focus instead doing good things around them.

Use the quote in Oaks’ talk from M. Russell Ballard to illustrate what that point is when related to the structure of the Church: “what is most important in our Church responsibilities...whether or not individual people—ministered to one at a time just as the Savior did—have been lifted and encouraged and ultimately changed.”

If you want to further drive this point home, have the class read from Micah 6:6-8 "Wherewith shall I come before the Lord, and bow myself before the high God? shall I come before him with burnt offerings, with calves of a year old? Will the Lord be pleased with thousands of rams, or with ten thousands of rivers of oil? shall I give my firstborn for my transgression, the fruit of my body for the sin of my soul? He hath shewed thee, O man, what is good; and what doth the Lord require of thee, but to do justly, and to love mercy, and to walk humbly with thy God?

“Each of Us Can Do a Little Better”

Considering these points, have the class fill in the gap under "BETTER" with, well, what we can do better, what gets us from good to telos. Have a nice long discussion about this for as long as you have left.

Close with this quote from Gordon B. Hinckley: "Each of us can do a little better than we have been doing. We can be a little more kind. We can be a little more merciful. We can be a little more forgiving. We can put behind us our weaknesses of the past, and go forth with new energy and increased resolution to improve the world about us, in our homes, in our places of employment, in our social activities. We have work to do, you and I, so very much of it. Let us roll up our sleeves and get at it, with a new commitment, putting our trust in the Lord."

[ashebreathesinme]

Like any other friendships, we have a fair share of highs and lows. We do not see each other very often. We don’t have all the time in the world. But when we see each other, and when we talk each other, we just pick up where we left off.  A friendship is just like any relationship. We fight for it for it to be real. We fight for it so it could work out. I know that there are times when they do not understand me, but my flaws don’t stop them from loving me nonetheless. And their flaws do not stop me from loving them as well. There were days when I honestly tried to look for other friends whom I would walk with aside from them. But I realized that there are people who are only there for us for a season. They are there to make us laugh, cry,  teach us life lessons, make us smarter, or even make us stronger.  But I also thought that there are people we can handpick so we can walk with them. And I don’t need a lot of people in my life to walk with. I just need people who truly love and care for me. And these ones are few of those who truly love me. They are included to those whom I choose to walk with. We’ve been friends for a long time, and I’m sure there are a lot of years ahead for us. But let me just take this opportunity to say that I thank God for this friendship. I thank God because He gave me people, aside from my family, who love and accept me for who I am, and who inspire me to be a better person.  You are whom I truly want to love and keep forever. ♥️

[snsmissionaries]

9/21/18 -- Sister Katie Buntin, Guatemala, Guatemala City Mission

family and friends

well let me just start off by saying this  was absolutely THE CRAZIEST week of my mission EVER!first off that food poisoning wasnt food poisoning.. maybe for me it was but for my comps it ended up being something alot more serious. so were gonna start where we left off on wednesday. wednesday after writing all of you my comp and i searched a store that  had sprite, not seven up, not lemon lime soda, SPRITE. we both had the same craving for sprite and after that back to the house, by the end of wednesday night i was feeling fine a little tired but not too bad. thursday my comp had fevers, chills, she had bone and joint pain, and heavy nose bleeding )we both had nose bleeds but we thought it was from the cold=  and well the chills and fevers and body pain sounds liike flu to me so we just called the mission nurse and yup everyone thought it was flu and we treated it like the flu. but friday night at 7Ñ49pm shestarted coughing up blood, i quickly got her laying to her side so she wouldnt choke and called the nurse and we decided to get her to the private hospital in zone 10, when we got there they ran tons of  exams and the next morning we found out that it was indeed dengue! a mosquito transfered disease. she had one of the most servere cases the doctor had ever seen!!!WHAT! so yeah my companion was under look out until yesterday at lke 5pm which was cray cray! but the hospital food was great!!! they had chicken with an orange herb sauce, cakes, icecreams, soups, they had everything i could want in a hospital lol! and not only did my comp get a hospital bed with all the buttons to make it go up and down and sit up... but i did too! the closest thing ive had to a rollar coaster since knottsberry farms  )when i went before i got my mission call dang like more than a year ago!= also this week on friday night they started celebrating the guatemalan independence day! you know  what that means_ torches with fire and running from the capital to all thee towns and water they throw lots of water!!! you should look up vids on youtube of guatemalan independence day! IT WAS SO COOL!!!! also yesterday a film crew from the states came to film a video in our house  )my cactus pillow case is famous and so is my bathroom= and the director is THE SAME DIRECTOR THAT FILMED  MEET THE MORMONS! so i got to hang out with a film crew all day and a super sweet hermana that served in nica! BUT IS FROM ARIZONA!!! SHOUTOUT TO THE BEST STATE IN THE USA!!! her name is hermana ward and sshes super cool. turns out we went to the same ysa new years eve party about 2.5 years ago and when i got pulled up on  stage so did her cousin, and yeah we have a lot in common so im excited to see my new friend again after i finish the mission. and to finish up with this crazy week, yesterday i completed 11 months in the mission, yup 11.... im getting old haha.... which sucks but hey nothin i can do but just enjoy!!! 6 months and 27 days left till they will make me hope on a plane and go to my other favorite country... the united states. MERICA! but thats basically it for the crazy adventures of hermana buntin this week, we didnt leave the house excpet to go to the hospital and we wont leave much this week cause the comp cant walk and is in a wheelchair.... but yeah ill keep ya posted!! LOVE YALL!!!! BYEEEEEEEEE

https://drive.google.com/drive/folders/1KTXHVth4V765SusamDtgbJ7sAmw4hccb

[happypench]

I contemplated on running off-road for a while, but hadn’t had the chance to actually join an event. However, last April 9, 2017, I finally had a taste of what trail running was and had a jaunt to the countryside that is San Andres, Tanay, Rizal.  It was not my first out-of-town event, but the idea of combining running and mountain climbing in this one event thrilled me.

  I must admit that I had a few mileage under my belt when I joined, but boy did I prepare intensively to conquer Mt. Batolusong! I had to tweak my training regimen a little bit for the trail run.  My friend Ysa who is an experienced trail runner, who had ran Mt. Batolusong once warned me that it is a challenging trail, technical was the actual term, which means that there will be unending ascents and steep downhills, but she also gave a picturesque description of the view on top which made me wish April 9 would come sooner so I could see and experience everything she described.

  The organizers provided basically everything we need to know about the out-of-town event such as the map outlining the trail and hydration stations, the instructions on how to reach the event venue and even suggested cheap shuttle service for commuting participants.  However, my friends and I opted to rent a car to shuttle us to and from the event.  Comfort was our priority since the ride going to the event was going to take a few hours, 2 hours or so, from Sucat, Paranaque.  Renting a private car was more expensive than the shuttle service, but we made the right choice.  It was worth the money spent.

  Pickup time at McDonald’s Taft MRT station was 11 p.m.  At that hour, EDSA was abuzz with commuters waiting to get a bus or jeepney ride home or somewhere else.  We were not able to indulge ourselves with hot coffee nor a hot meal as the car was already there and we needed to pick up one more passenger at a gasoline station along EDSA-Ayala.

  The ride going to San Andres was pleasant, albeit a little traffic somewhere in Cubao slowed us down a bit.  Past the area of congestion, the ride was smooth.  I was able to enjoy looking at the city lights below as it was an uphill ride up to San Andres.  It had started to drizzle when we left Pasay City and still drizzling when we arrived around 1 a.m. at San Andres Barangay Hall where the organizers set up their command center and the Start and Finish lines.  By the time we arrived at the venue, the 80k runners just kicked off.  We were not able to see them off though.

  There were no McDo, Jollibee or convenience stores in the vicinity of the venue so we settled to warm and fill our tummies with meals sold from a nearby sari-sari store. Once we had our fill, we rested inside the car and tried to get a brief shut-eye before we toe in the starting line. I wasn’t able to sleep so as my other companions except Rose who slept soundly as if she was in her own bed.  I sat beside Rose inside the car and listened to the sound of pouring rain eyes closed but sleep was just so elusive at that time. The rain calmed me though and made me feel relaxed despite my lack of sleep.

  The drizzle became a downpour by the time the 50k runners kicked off at 3 a.m. and the 25k runners at 5 a.m.  Rose and I prayed the rain will stop by 6 a.m. in time for our kick off.  We signed up for the 12k run.  We were worried that we would trip along the trail since we did not bring any head lamps to light our way as we expected it will be sunrise by 6 a.m.  Our anxiety vanished when the rain stopped and the sun started to show.  We toed in the starting line at exactly 6 a.m. and started to run at first on a relatively smooth terrain, a bit graveled, coarser as we ran farther.

  By about 500 meters from the starting line, the terrain started to change.  We came across a very shallow and rocky stream, then we started our ascent. There were a variety of trees and shrubs along the trail where it became rockier. The mud started to stick to my shoes, which were not really trail shoes.I was wearing my trusted on-road running shoes hoping they were going to provide enough traction to keep me from slipping. I managed to trek the muddy terrain with my feet getting heavier every step as the mud accumulated under my shoes.

So this was “technical” ascent meant. I felt I would gain wings when I reached the summit, our turn about point, because the trek uphill seemed endless and heading towards the sky as it was very inclined, my chin and knee would almost touch every step up.  After a kilometer or two of the killer ascent, we could already see a sea of clouds around us.  We were not even at the top yet, but we could already see clouds and lush greens around us which made me forget how arduous the climb was! I couldn’t help myself, but take a quick selfie to capture the beauty of the nature.  By this time, some runners had started their descent.  Not quite sure if they were from the 80k or 50k pack of runners who ran ahead of us earlier.

  A few more hilly climbs and near missteps and falls, we got to a place where there was a rock formation about 10 or 12 feet high.  Rose and I went up to the top of the rock and had our selfies there. :-) I think everyone who passed by this rock formation had a selfie or two before continuing to run ahead.

  Once we were satisfied with our selfies, we continued to walk up a few meters where we finally found a breezy grassland.  We ran further and we reached the hydration station where we ate biko, Jelly Ace, and chocolates, and drank water. Before we headed off and continued to run toward the turn about point which is the summit, we stuffed our pockets with jelly and chocolates and refilled our hydration packs.

  I was able to finally properly run through the grassy field hoping to reach the top quickly as the sun is starting to scorch my neck.  A runner descending from the hill encouraged us to tread on as the turn about point was just about a kilometer away, only that it was not the hill that we were seeing, but behind that hill! Okay, we’ve gone this far, there is no turning back, so we treaded on.

  It seemed that the trail kept on changing and it was never the same. The trail now became more slippery, narrower, and still muddy even if the rain had stopped hours ago and the sun was scorching.  A few meters away, the trail became very rocky that we had to climb on boulders and hold on to anything that we can support ourselves to keep us from slipping and falling.  We passed by bamboo trees and trekked on narrow trails with head-high shrubs.  By the time, I passed through this trail, I was all alone and fear crept as I slowly and carefully ran through the thick and tall grass and shrubs.  I was afraid a snake would pop out any minute.  Past this trail, we reached the steepest part and probably the most rocky and slippery. We had to yield to runners descending as the trail was also very narrow with sharp rocks.  Nothing much to hold on to but the boulders or any abutting root you could find.

  About 20 meters from that area, we started to climb to the top, the summit, the turn about point.  I forgot how tired I was when I realized that we were surrounded by mountains. The thick fog prevented us to see the grandeur of the place, but the view was breathtaking nevertheless. Rose and I spent a few minutes at the summit desperately wanting to take a picture of us there, but unfortunately, our cellphones were all dead, so we just enjoyed the view before we started our descent back to where we started.

  The cut-off time for the 12k trail run was 4 hours. The ascent took us about 2 hours. The run downhill was technical, but we made the downhill run faster than we did our ascent.  I told Rose we needed to be mindful of the time lest we will miss the cut-off time.  I reckoned we had made lots of selfies and carried enough memories with us of the breathtaking view of the mountains and the lush scenery around us, it was time to beat the clock.

  Aided by the momentum going downhill and with less stopovers, we ran strong and finished in less than 4 hours.  Rose finished about 5 minutes ahead of me.  I reached the finish line with a little bruise on my left knee when I lost my footing on a rock and slipped.  Except for that very “small” accident, I was okay, just hungry as our last meal was about 8 hours or so ago.

  Food and drink awaited us at the finisher’s line.  I grabbed my share before I got my medal and finisher’s shirt making sure I had food and drink! Refueling and rehydrating were my priority when I finished.

  Mt. Batoluson probably was a technically difficult trail for a newbie trail runner like me, but it was just my first time, and I survived it.  Definitely, this will not be my last, but more trail runs to come!

  Happy trail running!

  Next on my blog would be the lessons I learned from my first trail run.

  Confessions of A Newbie Trail Runner: Conquering Mt. Batolusong I contemplated on running off-road for a while, but hadn’t had the chance to actually join an event.